#or that they're somewhat half clone kids

[bluerosefox]

Test Tube Babies, Spleens, and Fruitloop Father?! NOPE. No thanks.

Danny and Ellie take a small, reincarnation, vacation from their duties in the Infinite Realms (King Danny and his most trusted Knight/Princess Ellie). Don't worry, they leave the Realms in good hands (Jazz, Pandora, Frostbite, CW, etc, basically Danny's main council takes over for a few years)

They both weren't expecting to wake up in an assassin cult though.... Nor to find out they're five year old twins now... Twin, somewhat clones of the leader and this guy Red Robin their 'father' is kinda obsessed with....

Great their 'father' is an insane assassin leader fruitloop and their 'dad' is named after a fast food joint... whose barely out of his teens btw.

Danny al Ghul Danyal, cast a glance as his full blooded and twin sister this time around Helen Ellie al Ghul who rolled her eyes as they listened to their 'father' ramble on and on about their 'dad' and how they were created to be his heir (Danny mostly, though he had plans on Ellie going to be trained to be his body guard by someone named Lady Shiva soon)

Yeah, no. Ellie dealt with one evil fruitloop father who cloned her once before, she's not dealing that again or falling for the 'I created thus I love you but not really' bs. They need to leave, like yesterday.

Hopefully their 'dad' is... okay he doesn't need to be okay with it at first but hopefully comes around to it, okay with the two of them showing up on his doorstep soon.

And you know what, they're gonna bring him a gift.

His spleen. Yeah it'll be good to give that back to him.

Since you know that was how they got clones to begin with... Maybe don't leave your DNA with people that can make clones next time.

[gffa]

Hi :)

I'm a pretty new SW fan, not because I didn't like the movies/hadn't seen them but because I grew up thinking it was extremely nerdy and would often feel awkward trying to bring up anything related to SW.

Fortunately I've finally reached and met awesome people who love SW just like I did but I feel like I lost A LOT of important stuff and there's so much content to the saga that it's extremely overwhelming for me to even think about diving into the whole SW universe and catch up.

I've been following you for a bit and your posts are just extremely interesting to me but again, sometimes I'm a little confused about certain things and so I wanted to ask you if you had any recommendations about where to start catching up (besides the movies which I will be binge watching soon hehe)

Hi! Welcome to Star Wars fandom, I hope you're having a good time! And around here we embrace being as nerdy as possible--I mean, fandom is such a mainstream thing these days, but I still like to embrace being a nerd about things because it leads to a lot more happiness, to just be silly and having a good time with the thing that tickles our brains.

But, yes, it is pretty overwhelming when you're first arriving, I still remember when I first came back to SW several years ago, having really only watched the movies as a kid, and there was All This Stuff and it seemed impossible to ever reach the deep end of the pool, and that was before the last seven years of books, games, movies, comics, etc. came out! I will hopefully set your mind at ease with this, though: The vast, vast majority of content that Star Wars puts out isn't anything I would consider "essential". It's wonderful, fantastic stuff! But a lot of us have just been around so long that we're combing through the finer details of supplementary material, rather than those being absolute Must-Read/Watch To Get A Feel For Star Wars.

My recommendations for How To Get A Feel For Star Wars is basically, start with the animated series and the live action series, they're the second layer of foundation in the Star Wars building, all the comics and novels and such will be built on them, and in this order: - The movies, this is the foundation on which everything else will be built. - The Clone Wars, season 1-6 are part of George Lucas' story and they're pretty essential (at least in this corner of SW fandom) to understanding wtf anyone is talking about or even watching many of the live action series. (Season 7 is fine and should be watched! It's just not part of Lucas' Star Wars.) - Star Wars: Rebels, starts off light-hearted but really is one of the best developed shows and does a lot of connective work between the prequels and the original trilogy. - The Mandalorian, set 9 years after Return of the Jedi, this show just massively blew up and while each season is slightly less well-done than the previous one (imo), it's well worth watching for wtf fandom is talking about half of the time. (The Book of Boba Fett is somewhat optional in this corner of fandom, but imo worth the watch. Generally, it should go Mando s1-2 --> TBOBF --> Mando s3.) - Obi-Wan Kenobi, because this corner of fandom lost our goddamned minds about it and still haven't gotten them back. - Andor, which is a really great show and, as long as you've watched Rogue One first, you'll follow along just fine. Does some solid connecting the dots between the prequels and the originals, but not as much as Rebels did. - Jedi: Fallen Order, you can look up a "movie" version on YouTube for the story of this game, which is a really good plot, has some great new characters, has some genuinely effective cameos, and will be referenced fairly often in other materials/in fandom.

If you're not feeling overwhelmed by All The Star Wars You've Consumed, I would personally suggest going for the comics next, over any of the novels. The novels are great! But the vast majority of them are self-contained and meant to be supplementary material even more than the comics, which get to tell bigger, more connected stories. I always suggest starting with: - Star Wars 2015 by Jason Aaron + Darth Vader 2015 by Kieron Gillen, both of which are really, solidly fantastic stories about the timeframe just after A New Hope, like there are so many absolutely banger lines that came out of these comics. I won't spoil them, just know that I think these were legitimately good comics, not just legitimately good Star Wars comics. (The first six issues of each series are meant to be read concurrently, but after that, you can just pick one and read in that specific title.) - Darth Vader: Dark Lord of the Sith 2017 by Charles Soule, which is set in the immediate aftermath of Revenge of the Sith. If Gillen's Vader keeps the mystique of the originals Unknowable Darth Vader, then Soule's Vader is more about the absolute BATSHIT DRAMA that is blending Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader. This series is BANANAPANTS in the absolute best way. - Obi-Wan & Anakin 2015 by Charles Soule, which is a five-issue mini-series set between The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones and is both stunningly beautiful art and a solidly good plot that survives fairly serious analysis of. It's got some great worldbuilding details, but even more I like it for the look at why a young Anakin chooses to stay with the Jedi Order.

The one book I will recommend--for a list aimed at getting you caught up on what fandom is referencing--is the Revenge of the Sith novelization by Matthew Stover, that book is quoted constantly, and I'm not sure any other SW book has ever been as good as it is.

I feel like this is the best set of reading to get you familiarized with the source material that tends to come up the most! There's lots more that's really good, but once you get through the above, you can let me know what era or characters you're most interested in or if you have a specific question about something and want to see where it comes from!

But there's one thing to address and you're kinda going to have to figure out how to approach it on your own. 😂 There is a ton of stuff in SW fandom that's ostensibly from a book or a comic, but the version in fandom often comes from those who never actually read the books/haven't read them in a long time or are just picking them up from other fic and meta.

For example, the AgriCorps or Melida/Daan get referenced in fic and in posts all the time, but I wouldn't necessarily recommend reading the Jedi Apprentice series (I mean, I'm not your mom, feel free if you want to!) and often times how they're used in fic is not how they were used in the source material. Or the clones speaking Mando'a comes from the Legends books by Karen Traviss and she is a whole big can of ugly worms (both what she wrote and her IRL politics), as well as much of what she wrote was overwritten/discarded when The Clone Wars came out, but fandom likes the idea and so they put that into their fics (as they should, if they like it!). The idea of Mace using the lightsaber form of Vaapad is from Legends sources (the best source probably being the Shatterpoint novel by Matthew Stover, I'd guess?), same for his ability to see "shatterpoints" in the Force, which aren't part of Lucas' continuity or Disney's continuity, but fandom enjoys using them to flesh out Mace's character. This will get you started and, if you're looking for something more specific, feel free to ask, I enjoy these kinds of question--and don't feel you have to stick with any of the above if they're not fun for you. This is meant to be enjoyable, it's meant to have a good time, there's no wrong way to consume Star Wars media! <3

[nardos-primetime]

Some Happy Things for the Clone Turtles in my Draxum's Side of The Family AU because my one friend is always like "CAN YOU GIVE THEM ANY NICE THINGS EVER" Yes. Yes I can!

(Let's ignore that fact a lot of these end up ruined or bittersweet later on alright? Alright.)

Most of this is in the Big Mama Era of the AU! It's basically like... the middle section of the au, so a bunch of shit happens

Big Mama is a good mother to them sometimes. She often gives them praise and works to keep them safe when she initially gains ownership (for lack of a better word) of them. They start off almost always having guards with them and such. She's also the one that properly lets them tap into training in a much healthier way than Draxum ever did (especially since they were physically like TODDLERS when Drax was pushing them). They learn pretty fast because of how they were made and because most of the time, their training is when they choose.

She calls them turtily-dees instead of turtily-boos to differentiate (they love the nickname differenceit majes them feel better than the ogs).

The clones, (even Rage), like to put on little shows for guests when not working. Unlike the originals the clones can actually sing and perform, it's one of the only consistent ways Rage speaks verbally (though he is noticeably silent or just huming in some acts).

Mic is head chef! (Half honorary) He helps come up with new dishes in the kitchen and spends most of his time in the restaurant locations Mama owns. Along with this, beforehand Mama often (and still does) let them be the first taste testers for most meals, they had previously been starving, so this was a very nice change of pace.

The boys are friends with a good bunch of Mama's workers, and they mess around with them a lot. It's kind of like bring your kid to work day but basically every day for them. Sometimes, they even help the boys sneak out when they want to try and do regular kid stuff.

Such as- sneaking out to the arcade or just taking walks at night without worrying where they're going to sleep or hide for the day. Or where they're going to get food. Lee starts really admiring stars at this point, and his room and part of their little area connecting their rooms are decorated with stars after he mentions them to Mama (a pleasant surprise).

I must reiterate, the clones REALLY DO love each other. So finally being able to see each other even feel safe enough to actually have fun is a positive on its own.

They're really close friends with a bird yokai around their age. She often comes in because her dad has work with Big Mama. Sometimes, they even sneak her out to hang out, too!

Some of the workers like to give the boys little quests once they notice their bored, like telling Donno to deliver something to someone on another floor (even if it's not that important). The clones are still a little mentally stunted because they're clones that physically grew up too fast (Along with trauma messing with it), their mental only somewhat caught up, so these little games are really fun for them.

Rage picks up wood carving. That's it. Don't know why, but I thought it was nice. He's not great at it, but it's nice when he isn't doing anything.

The clones set up their own little meetings where they share what they've done/are doing for the day. It lets Lee be more of a fun leader for once, like "aaaaand Mic, what has our head chef cooked up for today!?" Really excitedly for the others to start rambling

Donno makes the other's weapons once he perfects making them. He actually modifies Rage's the most to handle a little more than the others.

They do have a little fun!

Sadly, Big Mama isn't the best the other half of the time. And the fun is what happens to keep them there until it's too late and they can't really leave. Or they're too scared to leave.

[mxttellion]

Giggles cutely!!! It' RA time

So FINALLY. here they are!! I dunno why i waited for soo long to show my hcs and like. Even the pic itself is kinda old LMAO (it's from may, i think?)

update: I tweaked the designs a little because of a few details that I didn’t really like, jsyk /gen

click the read more to see all the headcanons, lmao

So here's the Red Army!! Or Red Legion, or Red ....whatever name they come up with for the day. Don't let the name fool you, they're anything but a serious army. They're just a bunch of idiots trying to take over the world. And failing miserably.

Red Leader is well. The Leader lol

multiple people have mistaken Tord for the leader, because of the horns on the helmet, but it couldn't be further from the truth:

that's his brother, Dominik!

Tord's older brother, almost 40, founder of the army along side Yanov (his and Tord's adopted brother in my hcs lol) and Paul. He seems like a cold blooded leader at first glance, but he really is just as much of a goofball as his brother: he got the idea of creating the army from anime he used to watch as a kid, go figure. He wanted to create a strong group of vigilantes that would bring order to the world!..and he. Kinda failed but it's okay! Yeah, he's a fucking weeb just like Tord. and also a brony, you know. Tord designed his uniform, he specifically wanted it to look as intimidating as possible so enemies could be scared of him. Going as far as adding a voice changer. Also, dont ask him where most of the army funds went. No he wont tell you. no. shut up it's not anime figurines. and he may or may not asked Tord to build robots of their waifus. lord-

Tord is a general! nepotism moment; however, he really couldn't care less about his status, as he just acts like he's the army mechanic/scientist/robot expert, you name it: he hides in his own laboratory, creating robots, weapons, and little robot companions- and waifubots and clonebots. Dont ask him what the clone bots are, but he sure loves scaring Yuu with those: robots that will immediately take their place if something happens to them.

Paul is basically just a grade lower Tord, and he acts like he's the actual general, as Tord is too busy in his own world to even care, and also lets him do whatever he wants. Paul is basically an honorary general and used to be Yanov's co pilot. That's before he broke his arm was deemed unavailable, and then changed his role. Now he's Pat's co pilot. He cried for an entire night after getting the news that he had to be with a newbie. But said newbie quickly warmed up to him, anyway! He's. always. constantly busy. even when he doesn't have a flight programmed, he always has to find a duty to do in the army. Chill a bit, dude.

Yanov USED to be a pilot. One of the most trusted pilots, calm, chill and collected. But also LOVES to witness chaos. He broke his arm in the stupidest way possible (probably falling down the stairs). Just after that, he decided to then step down as a pilot and become a medic. And considering his gentle mannerism and carefulness, maybe that's the best. Aaaand the army needed more medics. He loves his new occupation!

That's where Patryck comes in! He's a novice pilot, freshly recruited from the army. He didn't even actually have a plane driving training, nobody knows how he got in there. (Actually. it was desperation. They NEEDED another pilot and he seemed so eager to accept his role. He asked it himself to become one.) Well, Paul was assigned as his supervisor AND co pilot to his dismay. Like previously said, Paul cried to Yanov and to himself the entire day after the news. Please anyone BUT THE NEWBIE. Nobody knows Yanov made this choice. Despite his...rocky, beginnings. He's a ..somewhat great pilot! You know, despite the montly 4 crashed planes. That's also where most of the funds go. He's forbidden from going anywhere near the weapons depot, especially after he gets energy drinks. It happened once and half of the base exploded. Rocket launchers disappeared. Patryck what dID YOU DO.

Yuu is the uhh.. weapons guy? He's in charge of well. Keep the weapons depot in check. But it's a mystery how he manages to keep this role, as he always ends up letting someone (PAT) blow it up with the bombs in there anyways. He's also a great marksman! incredibly useful unit in battle. It's kinda like Patryck, no one exactly knows how he got there, he's such a scaredy cat, always alerted by anything that happens.

That's all i have for now JSGSJHDJ

[cookieswithay]

🕷"No...no way"😈 Part 3

42 & 1610 Miles Morales x fem reader

•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•

"For real?"

• Miles asked. You were powerful, but they're times when he couldn't be swayed. Was he actually legit? Surprisingly, the prowler's eyes softened.

• "For real."

• He replied. That... was strangely reassuring. The doppelgangers stared at each other awhile, having a unspoken understanding. Maybe this wouldn't be so ba-

• "Miles, over here."

• You said, motioning for him to come over. Absentmindedly, he dropped his clone, made his walked over to you.

• "Honey, I want both of you to come."

• He grumbled and hauled Miles over his shoulder. You snickered while your other boyfriend rolled his eyes. (Is this how Ganke feels when he shows off to you?) He set him down.

• "Can't you just untie me?"

• The hero muttered.

• "Alright, kids gather around,"

• Uncle Aaron said, (finally) turning the lights back on.

• "I already got a plan."

• "First things first,"

• Everyone held their breath.

• "All y'all are going to bed."

• "What!?"

• You all shouted. He nodded.

• "It's 2 right now."

• "Not only do you two have school tomorrow,"

• He said, pointing at the 42ers.

• "But that one definitely needs a break."

• That...was a MASSIVE good point. Now that everything is (somewhat) chill, dude felt super tired. Let's see here, he outran over a hundred spider people. Suffered from heartbreak. Fought a crazed adult and got degraded. Landed in the wrong dimension and was almost killed by his "evil twin". It's a miracle he's still awake. Feeling something, he turned to see the other Miles staring at him.

• "Jeez, what tore you up?"

• "Before or after, I met you?"

• "Well excuse the hell outta me."

• "I wasn't being rude!"

• "Ahem."

• You cut in. Their uncle wasn't done talking. Unfortunately though, that didn't shut up one of the Miles.

• "Uncle Aaron, with all due respect, we really need to get going."

• "We don't have a ton of time and-"

• He slowly lost her nerve to speak as his uncle stared at him down.

• "I know that."

• He replied calmly.

• "That's why I need you to get some sleep, so we can work fast tomorrow."

• "You can't protect anyone half awake."

• His eyes locked with Miles's.

• "A'ight?"

• He nodded slowly. Maybe because it's his undead uncle or cause the adrenaline's gone, but he felt relieved. Like a WAVE of relief.

• (...No one shot him with a nothing, right?)

• "Okay,"

• The ex prowler said, sitting down.

• "Miles, take Y/N back to her room. And go straight home afterwards."

• "It's late enough."

• His nephew grumbled something under his breath but stood up. Miles snorted. He knew what that meant. The goodbye kiss can last awhile. His good times were cut short when Uncle Aaron looked at him.

• "And you're staying with me."

• "I am?!"

• "He is?!"

• He nodded.

• "We can't tell your mom she has a new son."

• His counterpart wasn't happy about that. He starts arguing with their uncle, but Miles couldn't hear it. He was gonna spend the night at Uncle Aaron's! Just like old times...

• "I spend all my time with you and you getting mad over one night?"

• The prowler sucked his teeth. Just because he agreed to help that punk save his old man, does NOT mean he'll let him get cozy with his uncle. They're not even tight yet. Let alone acquaintances.

• "I'm just saying-"

• Suddenly, he was cut off by an odd sound. Like a computer screwing up or something. Miles turned around. The other Miles...was glitching. Like, hard.

• "What the?"

• You turned, as well.

• "Miles?"

• He wasn't responding. You began to panic. You wanted shake him or something, but you didn't know what that glitch stuff would do to you.

• "Miles!"

• Your boyfriend walked over, but he knew you weren't calling him. He crouched down next to you. ...He wasn't gonna die from this, right? Just like how it started, it abruptly stopped. Miles gasped, finally free from the crippling pain. You grabbed his hands.

• "Are you okay, now!? Or...better than before?"

• The hero nodded. Despite the lingering pain of his atoms decaying, he was okay.

• "It's just something that happens when you're in a different dimension."

• You smiled and told him you were relieved it was over. But, your eyes said something different. It was obvious what happened really freaked you out. Your hands were shaking. How could he reassure you?

• "Hey."

• Miles's turned.

• "How many more glitches you got in you?"

• Miles knew what that meant. How many more glitches 'till you die? (Props for not spilling the gory details in front of you, though)

• "Dunno, I never counted."

• The prowler stood up and looked over at his uncle, who was silently processing the situation. This plan is gonna need some more tweaking.

• "Tell Rio I'm picking you two up from school tomorrow, okay?"

• "Got it."

• "Don't forget."

• "I said I got it."

• As Miles and Uncle Aaron conversed, you hung back with the other Miles. You were scrolling through your phone. This was the first time in awhile he felt nervous around you. It's not like you were completely different, but you still felt new. "So, um..."

• What do you like to talk about here?

• "How'd you and this Miles meet?"

• He mentally slapped his forehead. For the love of god, why did he say that? It was obvious it was at Visions. You chuckled.

• "He saved me."

• Wait?

• "So he's not a bad guy?"

• He said, obviously not believing you. You nodded. Miles looked past you and at your boyfriend. Yeah...he didn't have the demeanor of a good guy.

• "Y/N, come on!"

• "Welp, time to skedaddle."

• You said, getting up from the couch. Miles nearly reached out to you, but stopped himself in time. This Y/N wasn't his. And he SHOULDN'T pull up because he needs your reassurance. That's trashy.

• "Real quick, sweetie!"

• He heard you say. Did you leave something-

• Suddenly, he was smashed against you, embraced tightly. You let him go and tilted his chin up.

• "Everything,"

• "Is gonna be okay."

• He looked up at you, not sure what to say.

• "Your shoulder,"

• "Your nose,"

• "And most importantly."

• You placed your hand on his chest and stuck your other one in his hair.

• "These are gonna be okay."

• You stared into his hazel eyes, hope starting to burn in them. That's what you wanted to see.

• "Okay?"

• Miles smiled, confidence and gratitude now flowing through him.

• "Okay."

• "Ahem"

• Your boyfriend coughed in the background. You're sure taking your sweet time.

• "I'm coming, pretty boy, I'm coming."

•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•

...The way I lowkey don't like how I'm writing this one.🤣 Anywho, thanks for tuning into part 3, this a gonna be a long ride. And as usual...

(Pt1, Pt2, and Pt 2 1/2)

[mwolf0epsilon]

requesting all your bitter thoughts on popular ships if you’re comfortable 👀

Well I'm probably already gonna get crucified by a lot of people in this fandom for pointing out what ships I find uncomfortable, so why not?

I'll talk about my beef about the fandom depiction of those four ships specifically, because they're the ones riling me up the most whenever I go into the tags.

---

Dinluke

I usually don't go anywhere near Mandalorian content (mostly because I haven't watched the show and would like to one day do so at my own pace instead of being pressured into doing so), so finding this ship in tags it doesn't belong to irks me to no end.

I've seen a few bits and pieces that aren't bad, but 90% of the content I've stumbled upon is written or drawn very out of character to the point I'm not sure I'm seeing the characters that are supposedly being depicted.

Trope-heavy fics where Din is aggressive or possessive over Luke are in bad taste, and I hate that a majority of people seems to like this unhealthy and somewhat racist dynamic.

They just honestly don't have any chemistry from what I can tell and the only commonality between them is that they were trying to be there for Grogu in their own way. And then Luke shrugged his shoulders and sent the kid off on his own into an active turf war. That's it.

Bobadin

The fetishisation is strong in this one. Anyone with a twitter account can see what I mean.

It started out as a fairly respectable ship and then it descended into 'fic writing for clout' territory.

You can tell when the author or artist doesn't care much for the characters themselves or their history, and are just putting them in situations where they can be nasty for no reason other than 'this will get me views'.

I have seen some skin crawling content online that really shouldn't have ever spilled out of anyone's brain to ever see the light of day, and no I will not put myself through explaining someone else's weird S&M fetish.

Foxiyo

Gateway ship. It's like Rexsoka, but with a vague cover of legality behind it, because supposedly Riyo Chuchi is a consenting adult.

The most prevalent dynamics depicting this ship are often disrespectful towards Fox and other clones (sometimes infantilising, other times hypersexualising), plus Riyo is written in a way that makes her seem less like an adult and more like a naive child.

Major red flags on this one.

Codywan

A ship that works if written well and respectfully, which is tragically not the case for 99% of times.

Writing Obi-wan as the perfect man with a savior complex that can do no wrong, while Cody is just his basic trophy husband with no personality or skills is... Yikes...

Lets not even talk about all the fetish stuff that goes unchecked half the time. I have seen too much that honest to god rubs me the wrong way.

They say sparsity of actual good content should make it worth more, but in this case I feel like the less good Codywan stuff there is, the more badly written content crops up to fill the void...

[sergeantsporks]

I mean I think he's his son and a clone? Would being a clone not automatically make him his son by default?

I mean, Belos clearly VIEWS him somewhat as his brother's son since he calls him "nephew" (barring the theory that Hunter's a clone of Wittebro's kid, not Wittebro himself, in which case, this whole conversation is thrown off the rails), but idk, man. I guess when a cell splits, they're called "daughter" cells, huh? Either way, I still wouldn't say that Hunter is only a "half" sibling. Idk, it's weird.

[chaoticevilbean]

Another Star Wars AU, TBN*

*To-Be-Named

I love time travel. A lot. So here is a time-travel au, with the CW trio.

Somehow, perhaps by touching a Sith artifact, perhaps by the Force deciding they should, perhaps from some sort of weird ritual the locals were performing that the trio didn't know about, Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, Anakin, Rex, and Cody travel aback in time.

[Please keep in mind that Canon Timeline has died tragically in a fire, and I am but the weeping widow with an inheritance.]

Due to whatever happened, they all also end up (technically) deaging. They still have their memories and their knowledge and skills, just stuck in smaller bodies. They can think and act like adults, but they also have to struggle a bit more to implement Older Skills in Younger Bodies.

Ahsoka is 2. She's nubby. She's emotional. She's tired and sore from her deaging.

She wakes up in someone's office. She's in a spinny chair, a big one with leather padding. It's kind-of chilly in the room.

She's not thinking, because all her brain is putting together is that she's still tired. She grabs the jacket off the back of the chair and pulls it over herself. She goes back to sleep.

Rex and Cody wake up together.

They are their actual age, which is to say they're both about eleven.

They find themselves on Mandalore. In the more wild areas.

(let me believe that there are parts of the planet that aren't covered in city)

(also, this is the Mandalore in the cartoons)

They find a teen trying to wake them both up. Rex has absolutely no clue what's going on. Cody has a vague idea, because this girl looks very similar to a picture he once saw...

Obi-Wan does not fare as well. He is 3.

He wakes up in someone's arms. He's just as tired and sore as the other three. However, he's also got more awareness because he's in someone's arms.

He looks up to see who's carrying him.

He looks around at the people walking with them.

He starts crying. He cannot help this, as he is suddenly flooded with Emotions, and he is Smol. Smol = harder to handle Emotions.

Because Qui-Gon is walking right next to him, tapping away on a holopad as they go. Dooku is on his other side, on a comm call where both parties sound very tired.

And Obi-Wan is being held... by Obi-Wan.

So, yeah, not that great for a suddenly Smol Obi.

Now, Anakin is 8, so he's better off in that perspective.

But he wakes up on some remote planet without anyone around. He just was in the middle of a group, so he ends up kinda panicking.

Then he hears something coming towards him, and he panics more.

He's Tiny! He's Smol! He's massively at a disadvantage against attacks! He can't fight off whatever is on a planet like this!

It's Mace (and Depa).

Anakin, however, doesn't realize this. He has gone Feral.

Back to the beginning

Jango Fett has been very busy w/Important Mand'alor Paperwork all day. He finally has time to go and relax a little, and he makes it all the way down to the exit before he realizes:

It is really cold outside. He is not in armor bc he was planning to only do paperwork today (though he still has many weapons). When one plans to stay in the same room for almost the entire day, one does not wear normal garb.

That said, he has no protection from the cold. He forgot his jacket upstairs. He rushes back up to his office.

He distinctly remembers that he left the jacket on the back of his chair, not on the seat.

He also is wondering what that lump is.

He arms himself, grabs some of his "emergency" armor plating, and walks over to the chair.

He lifts his jacket up, expecting a bomb or some paperwork that fell off the desk, or something logical.

He does not expect to find a tiny Togruta child clinging onto the fabric, whining as they're woken up by his yanking of the jacket.

Jango's brain stutters for a moment, then he kicks into action.

First things first, he wraps the jacket around the Togruta. They thankfully stay asleep. Then he turns up the heat, because he knows the office has gotten colder in the twenty minutes or so he's been gone, and Togruta are from warm temperate zones.

He decides to call, in this order, a guard who can help him watch the Togruta (they did break in, after all), a medic to check the Togruta’s health, and the first person he can find in his contacts that might know an adult Togruta.

Next group

Rex and Cody manage to get the teen to stop fussing over them for long enough to ask for her name.

Her, clearly lying, but that’s understandable: My name is Ine.

Cody, who knows exactly who this is now: Oh, kriff. You’re Duchess Satine, aren’t you? Kriff.

Rex: Wait, Satine? As in the General’s Satine?

Satine, now very suspicious and reaching for her stunner: I think you need proper medical attention.

Cody, looking down at their eleven-year-old selves: Yeah, I think so, too.

They agree on one thing, at least.

Next

Obi-Wan is crying. Loudly, uncontrollably, w/too many Emotions to even care that he’s supposed to be an adult rn.

Other Obi-Wan is very uncomfortable, bc he doesn’t know how to handle children too well.

They found this kid unconscious in the middle of a ruined, abandoned town.

Obi-Wan was meant to hold this kid while Qui-Gon did research and Master Dooku tried to convince the Council that it was entirely necessary to bring the kid back to Coruscant. Granted, they can still give the child to the locals at any time before they make it back to their ship, but apparently the Force is Being Loud.

The Force was Being Loud when it told Master Dooku to come along.

The Force was Being Loud when it led them to that town.

Qui-Gon and Dooku have argued fifteen and a half times on this mission, and an additional six times on the flight here. Obi-Wan is trying to mediate but also doesn’t want to overstep. The Force is Being Loud, sure, but the kid is also Force-sensitive so it might be something off that.

He didn’t argue with holding the kid bc he thought that it was better than being caught between the Masters.

Holding a crying child and trying to get two adults to stop arguing bc they can’t decide how to comfort the kid is not better.

Obi-Wan keeps walking past them to the ship with this baby. He does what he’s seen some crechemasters do to the younglings. The kid eventually calms a little, and he belatedly realizes that both Masters are still behind him, not with him.

NEXT

Anakin is panakin.

He is currently in a state of Feralness. His instincts have kicked into overdrive, full-on Survival Mode.

Depa and Mace do not know this. All they know is that there was suddenly an extremely powerful Force presence that started fading quickly (bc Anakin started shielding).

They burst into sight of Anakin and are suddenly attacked by all four feet and some of Feral Force Child.

It’s all they can do for a good minute or so to avoid losing their fingers, eyes, or untorn clothes.

Mace puts a few things together very quickly.

This planet is uninhabited by any sapient life. Therefore, this child is utterly alone. This child also is clearly strong in the Force, and knows how to hide their presence, for whatever reasons. Mace is a Jedi, and therefore is bound by certain duties.

He decides it is his Duty to get this kid back to Coruscant safely.

Back to the beginning

Ahsoka wakes up to find a familiar face looking down at her. She’s still tired, but not as much. She’s very aware of her size, and does a few quick observations.

She does not fully know who Jango Fett is. She does know that some clones run off bc they hate war and weren’t given a choice an- no. Not going down that path yet.

Ahsoka assumes, semi-incorrectly, that she was shrunk or deaged and somehow found by a rogue clone.

She knows it’s a rogue clone bc they’ve got weird armor.

So she does the logical thing and tries to comfort this clone bc he looks really worried and kinda panicked. She stands up on the spinny chair and tries to balance and he practically lunges to help her and she can’t help but giggle, but it comes out in a bunch of chirps instead.

The clone picks her up and looks really awkward so she pats his face bc that’s the best she can do bc she doesn’t want to disprove the fact she’s two yet.

For all she knows, this rogue clone has no idea she’s actually a Commander in the GAR.

He doesn’t, but for different reasons than she thinks.

NEXT

Rex and Cody go with Satine to the city. They have introduced themselves and said that they were separated from their aliit. They don't know where said aliit is.

Satine is highly suspicious by this point, bc these two kids recognized her with only part of her name, and they were alone, and they speak Basic with Mando'a thrown in.

Basically, she thinks that they're children of people like Death Watch, but she's too young to know that Death Watch isn't really into children.

Rex and Cody get checked over by a medic, but also start trying to get access to some working comms. They are refused on account of being suspicious children (which makes them a little upset bc they're not children)(Well, they are, but not those types of children)

They have not yet figured out that they are in the past, bc Cody and Rex only know that General Kenobi talks about Duchess Satine, and they know about Padme Amidala from General Skywalker, so clearly this Duchess is really young and the General simply viewed her as someone he wants to protect.

They are very very very wrong.

NEXT

Obi-Wan manages to calm himself somewhat now that it's just him and... him.

He is three, and he knows roughly what's happening, so he knows he should probably act like a 3yo.

Unfortunately, he has very little understanding of how child ages work. 3 is smart enough to go up the stairs and communicate with adults, but def. not old enough to speak sentences that are 15 words long with at least 2 5-syllable words.

Fortunately, his older (younger?) self doesn't know children either.

So when this 3yo starts telling him that he needs to leave the two Masters on the planet and head to Tatooine really fast, Obi-Wan is more concerned about the idea than the strangeness of "this is a 3yo suggesting this".

Obi-Wan is really good at convincing people. Including himself. He manages to get Padawan Kenobi to leave supplies where the ship is supposed to be and head towards Tatooine.

He says that the Masters will be fine, they know how to survive, and they need to be alone together in order to work through all the tension. Plus, it gives them plenty of time to talk to the Council.

Toddler Kenobi also tells himself that he'll take the blow and say he used a mind-trick.

Padawan Kenobi doesn't believe him yet, but Toddler Kenobi smiles like a very smug adult and says "you'll get there eventually". What he truly means is up in the air.

NEXT

Anakin, since waking up, knows much less than everyone else. Which is saying something.

He knows he's Smol. He knows he's Alone. He knows Someone has come and they are Strangers.

One thing about Anakin's instincts is that they are very much Survival Based. He was Feral when he joined the Jedi, only he had to hold those instincts back for most of his life bc of being a slave.

A slave cannot bite someone who approaches and Vibes Wrong.

By the time he felt okay with being Feral Out Loud, he also felt safe enough that he didn't need to activate his Survival Mode.

What I'm trying to say is that Anakin does not realize how strong his Feral Instincts are. He has absolutely no control over them rn.

When Mace decides to Help this child, this child is trying to Maul them.

Mace makes a small ruckus to draw Anakin's attention to him so Depa can move back. Depa pulls out her saber now that she won't hit the kid. The kid notices Purple and Bright and Lightsaber.

Lorge Jedi Mind says this is Good. Safe. Jedi.

Smol Feral Brain says this is Dangerous. Mean.

Anakin freezes on sight and just starts tracking Depa's saber. She does one of those things where a snake or something is focused and the person waves the fire or the food slowly to make sure the wolf is watching it and usually they toss the thing away so the snake follows it.

Mace instead takes this opportunity to wrap Anakin in his cloak. And Depa's cloak. And the spare ones in their bags.

Feral Child is not happy with this. Feral Child is also unable to scratch or Maul or do things other than bite and snarl.

Depa carries Feral Child while Mace comms the Temple and they walk back to their ship.

The Temple is having a field day.

First, one of their Shadows reports that a well-known bounty hunter got an emergency message from a pal of theirs that said Jango Fett needs help learning Togruta childcare.

Then they get a call from Dooku, which is not the mission report they wanted.

Yoda: Mission report, you have?

Dooku: Of a sort. We successfully spoke with the locals, then went to investigate a rather large disturbance.

Mundi: A disturbance?

Dooku: We found the source to be a Force-sensitive child.

Mundi: So you are here to ask for more time on the planet?

Dooku:...

Yoda: Bring the child back, you wish to?

Dooku, unapologetic: He is of an acceptable age to be admitted into the Temple, and no other beings were around at the time to entertain the idea of there being guardians.

The Council is sighing and muttering bc this is a Disaster Lineage (and they haven't even met the other two yet). Their call is interrupted by the sound of crying and Dooku saying the child's woken up.

Then there's another Shadow who sends a message saying a set of twins that seem like Death Watch were found by the heir of Clan Kryze.

Finally, to top everything off, they get a call from Mace Windu and Depa Billaba. Two very dignified, not-at-all chaotic Jedi from a perfectly respectable lineage.

Yeah, most of the Council and the Order itself forgets that Yoda had a hand in raising Windu. Yoda "Feral Grandpa" who throws children at every problem. Grandson isn't doing too well? Throw a child his way. Other grandchild is struggling to cope with grief? Throw another child their way. Oh, there's a war going on and newest grandchild is angry a lot? Here's a child!

The entire lineage has a soft spot for children.

Anyways...

Mace: Our mission was a success. We found the artifact and both specimens.

Koth: How long until your return?

Mace:...

Yoda: Found a child, you did?

Gallia: Master Yoda, that's a rather illogical guess. Once is unusual, twice is-

Mace: Oh, did Qui-Gon find a child as well?

Yoda, smugly: Bringing the child back, are you?

Depa, from the background, after a rather loud snarl is heard: We do not bite things, young one.

*more snarling*

Mace: We have no reason to believe he was not alone.

Tiin: *deep sighing*

Mundi: *mild confusion noises*

Koon, eagerly: Please send photos of this youngling. For the archives, of course.

Mace, nodding sagely: Of course.

*extremely loud yowl* *sounds of Mace turning*

Mace: DEPA!

Depa: He nearly bit off my finger!

Mace: That doesn’t mean you pinch him!

Depa: What else am I supposed to do?!

*sudden exclamation filled solely of Mando’a, Huttese and Twi’leki curses*

Mace: So, I don’t know if he speaks Basic, but Master Che should be able to talk him through a check-up.

Yeah, several Council members are experiencing headaches now. Normally, they would have some empathy for Mace and his own stress-induced migraines. They currently do not.

Right after that call, Dooku calls back to say that Obi-Wan has left without them.

Mundi: He left the child with you, right?

Dooku:

Mundi: He left the child with you, right?

Obi-Wan did not leave himself with the Masters. Obi-Wan has listened to Mini-Obi and is off on some wild space adventure to a criminal-run planet.

The toddler won’t stop staring at him. He asks for a name. The kid says to call him Ben.

OW: Is that your name?

“Ben”: It is a name I am called :)

OW: That isn’t what I meant.

“Ben”: I know :)

Ben also keeps staring at OW’s lightsaber. OW decides to make sure the kid doesn’t start playing with it when he isn’t looking.

MEANWHILE

Ahsoka has figured out that she was really very oh-so wrong. She’s on Mandalore. As in, the Mandalore that is under Jango Fett. Bc she’s with Jango Fett. He’s holding her hand bc she was nervous about the strange looking medic (who was just wearing armor, but not clone armor and civies don’t wear armor.)

Ahsoka knows very little about Jango Fett. Clone Buir, Mandalorian leader, tried to kill Master Kenobi. Also dead.

He asks how she got in. She shrugs. She is too small to fight back so she can’t let him know anything. Whatever everything is right now. But also, he doesn’t seem mean or evil or anything.

Oh yeah. Skyguy said that Mandos love children. That's why the clones were so protective of her, even with Skyguy on her side of the argument.

She decides to use this to her advantage. She can probably get herself a comm, and enough time to call the Temple. If she can convince them she at least knows a Jedi, then they can come get her and she'll work from there.

ELSEWHERE

Rex and Cody are getting really upset. This Duchess is really nice, but she's acting really weird and keeps insisting she's not actually called Duchess. No one will give them a comm, they keep getting weird looks for speaking Mando'a even though they're on Mandalore, and Satine's father keeps mentioning a Fett. Maybe Boba's set a bad example again.

Rex starts to fall asleep, to his chagrin. He's too bored, sitting and getting some abnormally extensive check-up. Cody is fine, but he's used to the calm that is General Kenobi. Rex usually has a Togruta teen in the vents and a Human that is never where he's supposed to be.

Rex does, in fact, fall asleep. His "twin" starts glaring when a doctor goes to wake him up. Cody makes it clear that his brother is like Cat: once asleep, you do not wake.

Satine is giggling, but trying not to let the others hear. Cody does. Cody looks at her. They have a stare-off.

Cody goes back to glaring at the doctors. He will not admit to any emotions besides Protect™.

BACK TO

Obi-Wan and Ben have made it to Tatooine.

[fineillsignup]

Konoha Crush was a missed opportunity for Sakura. She could have been shown gazing in horror at all the dead and injured ninja It also would have been a good time to show her parents. They could have been injured fighting with medical ninja treating them but it's iffy and they're short staffed. She goes home alone, reflects over her progress from the academy fighting over a boy to fighting real ninja. Her relationship with her team about how they must feel coming home to an empty house everyday.

You’re right that Sakura would have been a natural POV character to mediate for the view in dealing with Konoha Crush, but the drawbacks with it go further than just missed opportunities with Sakura’s development.

A lot of people like to point out the “plot hole” that the Sasuke retrieval team was just a bunch of genin, but actually this has an in-story explanation: the loss of life from Konoha Crush was so severe that half of the Konoha forces died; however Tsunade was attempting to fill the same mission workload as before with only half the staff, under the belief that otherwise they’d be displaying weakness to Konoha’s enemies.

Oh, what’s that? You don’t remember that? Maybe because other than being the stated reason why Shikamaru and company were the only people available to chase down Sasuke, it absolutely did not feel like half the Konoha ninja died.

Now, living in a military society with a high death rate, reactions to deaths might not be the same as our modern low-death rate societies, but such an enormous sudden death toll should have had a hell of an impact. The Konoha 11 should have been dealing with the deaths and serious injuries of roughly half the people they knew. Holy shit.

And it’s not just impact on survivors and the mission scramble. Konoha should have been drawn with noticeably smaller crowds in the wake of Konoha Crush and all through Shippuden.

Try this headcanon on for size: why don’t we ever see any genin or chuunin the same age as Team Guy?

Because they weren’t entered in that particular Chuunin Exam and they all died in Konoha Crush.

The problem with the death toll in Naruto is not that “not enough people die” but “the deaths that happen don’t mean anything.”

Even the Uchiha Massacre is overwhelmingly “the Sasuke’s parents’ Massacre” in terms of the actual plot impact of the deaths; the dozens of non-Sasuke’s parents Uchiha shinobi might as well be made of paper, for how easy they’re killed and how much anyone seems to remember them.

Now partially I think this is on purpose, to give a lighter feel to the series. For example, I think part of the reason why ANBU, despite supposedly being the elite of the elite, die so frequently and easily is because they are dehumanized by their masks; they’re a cheap way to show that an enemy is tough without actually making us think about little Ken-kun at home hoping that tou-chan will be home for his baseball game.

The same goes for the cheap use of zetsu clones and Edo Tensei in the final war. Enjoy this delicious violence guilt and consequence free, essentially.

The problem is that Naruto fans, when they talk about the moments that grabbed them most in the series, they’re going to talk about the moments where the danger and the enemy was real, and the effects had impact–Lee vs Gaara, Kakashi’s childhood, Kakashi vs Obito in the Kamui dimension, Naruto vs Sasuke in the final valley.

If Naruto, the series, kept the same overall number of deaths but made those deaths have actual impact on the survivors in a somewhat more, if not completely realistic way, the overall victories and growths of the characters would have been so much more moving.

In a universe where the deaths had actual impact, however, fans wouldn’t accept the unreformed shinobi system of the canon ending and Boo-ruto so easily. In a universe where Orochimaru’s nameless victims weren’t ignored, I sure as hell hope that audiences wouldn’t watch Hokage Naruto looking at a kid in a tank in his lair and think, “it’s totally cool that Naruto doesn’t ask any questions about this or try to help Orochimaru’s current victims, after all, it’s none of his business really.”

can I make every question into a question about how much Orochimaru ruined the ending well the answer is YES

OROCHIMARU DELENDA EST