#organization perspective

[clonerightsagenda]

Had a dream that I got hired to deal with a haunting and I was like you know my blog is a bit right, I don't actually believe in ghosts unfortunately, but it turns out the place was actually haunted and the ghost was pretty pissed off at me for sticking my nose into it. So I went ok, they hired me for *my* skillset, so I started looking shit up and eventually found one oldish book on local urban legends speculating that the ghost was a woman who lived on the property when it used to be a low income lodging house who lost a baby and buried it in the yard, so I dug around and found the remains, which were in an area that the place I was hired by (I think it was a branch of NARA? which is weird, why would they need to hire an outside researcher) was planning to build a new addition on. So by the end of the dream I was going 'yeah ok I have two proposals, one you put these remains in a silver box, rebury it, keep on with your construction, and hope that'll do it, OR you add a covered walkway to your building plans, connect the old building to the new building, and have a nice little courtyard area with a plaque where we rebury the remains, maybe that would make her happy' except I was hired to do research at a history and records institution so I couldn't just write that report based on Vibes, so the rest of the dream was consumed with me trying to figure out which local newspapers would help me confirm the ID and make my case better than one speculative sentence in a trashy book. So yeah. Dreamed I was a ghostbuster but the real core of the dream was the challenges of public history when working with regular people who don't make the historical record very often. Wish you well, dead lady. I was really trying to get you that courtyard.

[lord-squiggletits]

I think the key component to my personal reading of post-Delphi Pharma is that he's trying to be a horrible person on purpose. Not "on purpose" in the way that people have free will to exercise their own choices, but in that Pharma's "mad doctor" persona is a performance he puts on to deliberately embrace how much everyone else hates him. Basically, if people already think you're a "bad Autobot" and a horrible doctor who just kills his patients for fun, why try to prove otherwise to people who have already made up their minds about you? Just fully embrace the fact that people see you as an asshole. Don't try to change their minds. Don't plead for their forgiveness or understanding. Just stop caring. If you're going to be remembered as a monster, you might as well be a memorable monster, and eke as much pleasure and hedonism as you can out of it before karma catches up to you and you inevitably crash and burn.

I mean, I guess you could just go the route of "Oh, Pharma was always a fucked up creepy guy and Delphi was just him taking the mask off," but I really don't like that interpretation because, for one, it feels really wrong to take a character like Pharma becoming evil under duress and going, "Oh well clearly he did the things he did because he was evil all along," as if somehow Pharma breaking under blackmail/torture/threat of horrible death was a sign of him having poor moral character. As opposed to, you know, suffering under the very real threat of horrible death for himself and everyone he cares about while being manipulated by a guy who specializes in psychological torture.

The second reason is that it just doesn't make sense to write Pharma as having been evil all along. I mean...

Occam's Razor says that the best argument is the one with the simplest explanation. Doesn't it make way more sense to take Pharma's appearances in flashbacks, his friendship with Ratchet, his stunning medical accomplishments, and the few we see of him speaking kindly/sympathetically (or in the least charitable interpretation, at least professionally) towards his patients and conclude "This guy was just a normal person, if exceptionally talented." Taking all of these flashback appearances at face value and assuming Pharma was being genuine/honest is a way simpler and more logical explanation than trying to argue that Pharma for the past 4 million years was just faking being a good doctor/person. I mean, it's possible within the realm of headcanon, but the fact is Pharma's appearances in the story are so brief that there simply wasn't room in the story for there to be some sort of secret conspiracy/hidden manipulation behind why Pharma acted the way he did in the past.

I just can't help but look at things like Pharma's friendship with Ratchet (himself a good person and usually a fine judge of character) and the fact that even post-Delphi, pretty much every single mention of Pharma comes with some mention of "He was a good doctor for most of his life" or "He was making major headways in research [before he started killing patients]" which implies that even the Autobots themselves see Pharma's villainy as a recent turn in his life compared to how for "most of his life" he "used to be" a good doctor.

And although Pharma doesn't know this, we as the readers (and even other characters like Rung) know about Aequitas technology and the fact that it actually works, so... if Pharma really was an unrepentant murderer, why couldn't he get through the forcefield too? The Aequitas forcefield doesn't require that a person be completely morally pure and free of wrongdoing or else how could Tyrest get through, just that they feel a sense of inner peace and lack feelings of guilt. Pharma has murdered and tortured people by this point, and put on quite a campy and theatrical show of how much he sees it as a fun game, so why then can he not get through?

It circles back to my headcanon at the start of this post that the "mad doctor" persona is just that-- a persona. Delphi/post-Delphi Pharma's laughing madman personality is just so far removed from every flashback we saw of him and everything we can infer based on how other people see/saw him before that, to me, the mad doctor act is (at least in large part, if not fully) a persona that Pharma puts on to put his villainy in the forefront.

To avoid an overly simplistic/ableist take, I don't think Tarn tortured Pharma into turning crazy. To me, it's more like the constant pressure of death by horrific torture, the feeling of martyrdom as Pharma kept secret that he was the only one standing between Delphi and annihilation, the physical isolation of Messatine as well as the emotional separation from Ratchet, being forced to violate his medical oaths (pretty much the only thing Pharma's entire life has been about), etc. All of that combined traumatized Pharma to the point that the only way he could avoid cracking was to just stop caring about all of it. Because at least then, even if he's still murdering patients to save Delphi from a group of sadistic freaks, Pharma doesn't have to feel guilty and sick about doing it. As opposed to the alternatives, which were probably either going off the deep end and killing himself to escape, or confessing to what he did and getting jailed for it.

In that light, Pharma becoming a mad doctor makes sense. It avoids the bad writing tropes of "oh this character who was good his entire life was actually just evil and really good at hiding it" as well as "oh he got tortured and went crazy that's why he's so random and silly and killing people, he's crazy" and instead frames Pharma's evil as something he was forced into, to the point where in order to avoid a full psychological breakdown and keep defending Delphi, he just had to stop caring about the sanctity of life or about what other people might think of him.

Then, of course, the actual Delphi episode happens, and Pharma's own lifelong best friend Ratchet basically spits in his face and sees him as nothing more than a crazy murderer who went rogue from being a good Autobot. Then Pharma gets his hands cut off and left to die on Messatine. At that point, Pharma has not only been mentally/emotionally broken into losing his feelings of compassion, he's received the message loud and clear: He is alone. Everyone hates him. Not even his own best friend likes him any more. No one even cared enough about him to check if he actually died or not. He will only ever be remembered as a doctor who went insane and killed his patients.

So in the light of 1. Having all of your redeeming qualities be squeezed out of you one by one for the sake of survival and 2. Having your reputation and all of your positive relationships be destroyed and 3. People only know/care about you as "that doctor who became evil and killed his patients" rather than the millions of years of good service that came before.

What else is there to do but internalize the fact that you'll forever be seen as a monster and a freak, and embrace it? People already see you as a murderer for that blackmail deal you did, so why not become an actual murderer and just start killing people on a whim? People already see you as an irredeemable monster who puts a stain on the Autobot name, so why beg for their forgiveness when you could just shun them back? You've already become a murderer, a traitor, and a horrible doctor, so what's a few more evil acts added to the pile? It's not like anyone will ever forgive you or love you ever again.

Why care? Why try to hold on to your principles of compassion, kindness, medical ethics, when an entire lifetime of being a good person did nothing to save you from blackmail and then abandonment? Why put yourself through the emotional agony of feeling lonely, guilty, miserable, when you could just... stop caring, and not hurt any more?

[juha-art]

so many people talking about suvi's justification machine. not nearly enough people talking about ame's witch justification machine and eursulon's spirit (and knight) justification machine.

[finalgirlgretchen]

if one more person tries to claim that the oh hellos are no longer christian i am going to lose my shit

[loz-furbies]

Linktober 2023 #14: Ganondorf

[mojoflower]

Tumblr v. Twitter

I was laughing to Mr. Mojo about the whole Goncharov thing we've collectively been manifesting this weekend, and he pointed out what is possibly the most meaningful and fundamental difference between Tumblr and Twitter.

He said, On Twitter, no one says 'we'.

Tumblr is a mutable organism that is greater than the sum of its parts.  We are a ‘we’.

[doveshovel]

Happy beginning of pride month everybody!🏖️🐎🏳️‍🌈

also I made a some silly fun pride horseshoes for Hunter's beach outfit but ended up kind of loving them :')

[spongynova]

The infamous Sh'Rann, our beloved rural space vulcans' home, picture taken with the cordial autorisation of Captain Spisee.

I'm really happy to illustrate the Sh'Rann of @android-and-ale, if you haven't started yet, you can read their fic here.

This was a challenge to me for several reasons, for example: I never drew a single spaceship before, but I had so much fun drawing this welded nightmare! It was a blast! So, I hope you'll like it <3

[gothamcity-official]

Wayne Enterprises Trick-or-Treat

The annual Wayne Enterprises Trick-or-Treat is currently underway, with many fabulous costumes seen around the board.

Several children have been seen leading Red Hood around the event, trying to get him to participate. He is carrying a Wonder Woman bucket with what appears to be batarangs inside. Instead of participating in getting candy, it seems as if he is handing them out to any child that wants one.

There have also been reports that the real Robin is attending, but it is difficult to tell with many other tweens dressed similarly.

[thevalleyoftriumph]

If Savage is gonna spread the SavDark agenda then I have to spread YimCho Supremacy

Just saying lmao

ok this one was fun i love characters with tail mouths

[wibble-wobbegong]

okay wait let’s talk about what made mike go from this

to this

his behavior changes drastically, and it wasn’t just because of that fight. there’s a reason mike is apologizing now, which he was unable to do in s3 after the fight that was a direct parallel of the rink-o-mania fight. mike can apologize this time. why??

let’s consider the nature of the apology — it’s practically a confession. he’s admitting that he was an asshole and he explains that he’s felt lost without will specifically. if the parallel is genuine, which it is, that means the reason mike couldn’t apologize in s3 is because it would’ve had to include a confession like this. he’d have to explain himself to will and why he said what he said, which would’ve meant explaining that he did want to play games with will for the rest of his life but felt he wasn’t allowed to. it would’ve meant explaining the “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls” comment. he couldn’t do that then, but he can now. mike is comfortable making a confession now.

the fact that he’s comfortable enough to do such a thing, bearing himself open enough that will grabs the painting because even he could see that what mike said was important and not entirely platonic (maybe he wasn’t certain but if the love of your life looks you in the eye and says you’re different from all his other friends you’re gonna have a little hope) says that whatever had been preventing mike from confessing before is almost no longer an issue.

what changed? what blockades were removed from mike’s path to will? there were three big factors that played into it

1) mike hadn’t accepted himself before.

he was pushing the part of himself down that knows he’s gay, but between s3 and s4 mike had made huge progress in accepting himself, which we see reflected in him allowing himself to indulge in his puppy crush on eddie in ways he didn’t allow himself to do with will. I’m s3, mike kept very careful distance from will and averted his eyes when he realized he was staring. he often schooled his expressions around will too. he doesn’t do any of that with eddie!! he leans in, he stares unblinkingly, he smiles and we can see admiration in his expression. he lets himself be happy!!

mike hasn’t accepted himself to the point of being out to people, but he’s accepted himself enough to feel those emotions and not want to push them away. he’s no longer repressing, just hiding (and not doing a very great job of it).

2) mike is scared of losing el.

in many ways, mike feels like he owes it to el to love her. when they initially reunite in s2, his reaction is platonic while she eventually moves in to try and kiss him. right before el died, mike had promised to take her to the Snowball. one of the first things we learn about mike’s belief system is that a promise us something you can never break, and while the phrasing is childish the way mike puts it into action isn’t. mike understands the implications of a promise he made as a kid before he really started to understand himself and he promised el a romantic relationship. this girl who sacrificed her life and saved his best friend, saved everyone, still wants romance from mike. how could he deny her that?? mike couldn’t just go back on his words and hurt her like that. it also helps that she came back right after he realized his own feelings towards will, something he wasn’t prepared to deal with. everyone was expecting him to be with el again, he felt like he owed el, and mike has this need to be exactly what other people expect of him and everyone had expected him to be the straight boy in s1. turning back on el means losing her and outing himself to everyone. he tries to fix himself for her sake and everyone else’s.

even after he’s accepted himself, he still makes an effort to be that straight boy. he doesn’t put up the intense act he used to back in hawkins, but around el? he’s trying to be exactly what he thinks she needs. he still owes her this, he still wants to be good enough for her to keep in her life. if the only thing mike is good for for el is being her boyfriend, that’s what he’ll do even if he hates it.

there’s something el does that makes mike no longer afraid of losing her because he doesn’t love her.

From, El

el told mike that she didn’t believe he loved her because he wouldn’t write it. the letter wasn’t a break up, but it was an admittance; el doesn’t love mike. not like that, at least. there was no formal parting but el isn’t just being petty here, she’s telling mike that she doesn’t love him. that’s only further confirmed by her not kissing him when they reunite and by her choice of words, “i missed you” in a talk that very close to being a break up talk. she doesn’t love him. mike is infamous for understanding coded conversations and using them rather than speaking like a normal human being, so of course he knows what el is saying with this. he isn’t stupid.

3) mike is unsure if will still feels the same.

yes, i do think mike once hoped will felt the same, maybe even knew. will reciprocating the want to play dnd and games together in mike’s basement for the rest of their lives only for us to see mike accept himself over the course of his isolation and playing dnd with hellfire isn’t a coincidence. mike was accepting his love for will while simultaneously accepting that he liked boys. it isn’t an accident that mike asked if will still wanted to play dnd with the party (a metaphor for mike and will’s relationship) and smiled like that before being forced back into a relationship with el he didn’t wanna be in. mike had hope at one point.

he loses that hope after going almost zero contact with will for six months, assuming will has moved on. the ‘painting for a girl’ definitely didn’t help his belief that will has moved past his feelings for mike.

however, there’s a scene that gives mike a little hope again!! it’s not a full confirmation, but mike is always prone to hoping for too much too quickly (he heard will’s voice on the radio and decided he was alive and they had to keep looking despite having seen his literal body. the boy hopes for the good things above all else).

the scene where mike and will talk in jonathan’s bedroom is that scene. honestly, this scene is actually really weird. not in terms of the supernatural but rather that the way mike is speaking and acting makes me think what he’s saying isn’t just about el. the fight he describes is adult, something he’s worried they can’t come back from. he says that he knows he could’ve said something that would’ve changed the outcome.

he’s speaking about el and he adds in small details about her being missing at the end of his rant, but for most of it? it could very well be describing his and will’s fight at rink-o-mania. in fact, it almost seems more likely that he’s using el as a cover again.

what he describes is applicable to his relationship with el but then why does he keep it so vague? what is he constantly looking at will, watching his reactions to what he’s saying? mike isn’t really giving will anything specific to react to beyond him and el having a fight they can’t come back from. he never tells will what it was he could’ve said. the intentional vagueness in his wording makes it seem like he’s fishing for something from will, not just seeking comfort from a friend.

the fight mike and will have was serious, more adult than their other fight. it’s no longer about dnd and games, it’s about their friendship as it currently, barely, stands. the fights were the same in meaning but they’re both much more direct with each other here. it’s no longer about ‘the party’ it’s about ‘us’. mike still speaks in code the way they both did last summer, using el as a front, but will doesn’t entertain it. he calls mike out for exactly what he’s doing and he makes it about them. no way to excuse it. their fight was more adult in the sense that they’re talking about their relationship as an isolated piece; it isn’t a piece of the party but its own entity.

mike goes and expresses the fear that this is a fight he and ‘el’ can’t come back from. he says the line while looking at will

they’d fought over whether or not they were still even friends. they’d both come after each other for the lack of communication and never resolved it. of course he’s be worried about not being able to come back from that!!

mike always talks about saying “that thing” in order to fix the fight. in his fight with will, mike could’ve helped resolve it by telling will he tried to call but couldn’t get through. that would’ve revealed it was miscommunication the whole time! but he doesn’t. he doesn’t even suggest that there was a “thing” until after he gets the letter and thinks about From, El. mike barely engages with will after their fight at all until this moment.

will tells mike that it’ll be okay, that he just has to tell her when they find her. i don’t think will realizes mike is using code again, because he’s already moved on from it. if will was thinking about using code, the van scene probably would’ve gone very differently. he didn’t. the el-code is mike’s thing this season. where will is just being supportive, mike is given a glimpse of hope.

this scene ends with them being flirty with each other too!! they’re joking again, leaning towards each other, smiling. it’s something they haven’t done since that day in october.

maybe i’m reaching a little, but something in that scene gave mike enough hope to feel like he could edge towards a confession.

BASICALLY, mike is able to confess to will because he’s undergone some self acceptance, he knows el doesn’t love him and doesn’t have to worry about hurting her, and will unintentionally gave him hope through a potentially coded conversation and flirting. mike gives his confession while being the biggest flirt we’ve ever seen him be, and will reciprocated in kind again.

all of those components are explaining mike’s sudden change in behavior. when i say mike was actively pursuing will, this is what i mean.

[creepyscritches]

I've been reading a book my therapist recommended me and I'm doing well! :) I've not been able to read a physical book since I was idk 15 or 16 since it's one of my narcoleptic triggers (my mom did most of her college studies walking on a treadmill so she could stay awake lol...she didn't get diagnosed until 30 though). Since swapping to my current meds, I'd been curious if I could actually hold a book and read but I was working through all the audiobooks I had left - - decided this paperback would be a good test :3c

I might give my fav childhood novel a reread for fun heehee

[aplusod]

I did a piece for the @siinamotazine Dream Inside a Dream! The song is From 7 to 8 (７から８へ)!

I'm not sure the gif will display at original size, or if it's stuck at max width, but here's a progress gif since working on this made me actually export various steps of my progress:

[ghostleeeaf]

Locket by Crumb

Read the tags before you look it up

[moe-broey]

Sketch I accidentally put too close between other doodles

[velvet-games]

the latest 666 update has been haunting me all morning lmao