#ot doesnt matter
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May's forced by politics to sire at least one child with Zinnia whether either of them like it or not. May might not care about bloodlines but there's hundreds of thousands of people who do. ( Modern biotech makes the whole thing a trival matter. ) Preferably a daughter because the Lorekeeper is always legally a woman and it'd be easier for a girl to handle the whole thing than one who isn't.
( It's been done before btw. All male Lorekeepers get treated as women while conducting duties for as long as they hold the role. This is seen as normal. )
She's much more ambivalent about the whole matter than anything tbh. May would be be the kind of parent who has all the time in the world for everyone's children but her own. Like sure, it's easier when there's more than two parents involved but those poor kids are gonna end up with issues.
#headcanons.#hoennian views on gender are fucking weird#yes they dgaf about what the lorekeeper actually identifies as#but they also expect the lorekeeper to carry themselves a certain way#so if a man wants political power? theyve gotta be able to deal w/ those expectations#cis or trans#ot doesnt matter#dealing w/ traditionalists is a fucking hornets nest
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this is my star wars i can make it whatever i want. GO my han solo father of the year ....... BE FREE!
#i havent even seen the sequels i am a bad fan#yes i know im not qualified to have this opinion without watching the actual movie but i just................. guys ... please hes my blorb#but he isnt actually real so it doesnt matter. sorry yall#gurbirty#star wars#star wars ot#sw ot#han solo#ben solo#kylo ren#han solo and ben solo#fan art#star wars fan art#sw#baby kylo ren#hehehe
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GUYS GUYSSSSS MY MINOR LEAGUE TEAM FINALLY FUCKING DID IT AFTER 16 LOSSES THEY WON A GAME!!!! and against the best team in the league!!! LETS FUCKING GOOOOO 1-16-1 baby!!!!
#i cannot say which team they beat but there is a Large Reason why it’s important they beat them#it was a one goal lead so idk if it was ot or not but that doesnt matter at least they fucking won#not a home game unfortunately but we move i guess#truly we are popping the biggest champagne bottles rn#this was yesterday but idc. also they lost again tonight but ITS FINE#hockey
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does it ever get easier or am i fucked for real lol
#personal#feels like everything just clings to me forever and wont let up. if i could just snap my fingers and cease to exist i would#like its too much everything is too much and i get overwhelmed over literally nothing lmao. whatever#good things ot bad things it doesnt matter it all frightens me and i wish for just a moment of true quiet#all of this over something so incredibly stupid too btw. im gonna have to disappoint someone i love again over me being ridiculous#everyone else makes it seem so simple and yet i feel like im constantly trying to trudge thru quicksand#ik comparison is the thief of joy but how can i help it if everyone around me is reminding me of how little ive done
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I'm so fucking dehydrated (proceeds to not drink any water)
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#theres gotta be. like there has to be something wrong with my head#ugh. not wrong. wrong is a bad word. just. i should not b this hard to get my brain to focus on literally anything that matters#its just so frustrating. im doing the best i ever have. and yet i still cant focus. wtf else can i do?#god dammit. all i wanna do is listen to garbage and draw and draw and draw my shitty little scribbles#maybe my head jsut wasnt built for what im trying to do with it#so idk how tf im supposed to get thru the next 4 years of my phd. or wtf im gonna do after#maybe i should just have just started working at a lab when i graduated. just be a lab manager for thr rest of my life#i dunno. i dunno what to do. how to make my head work. it shouldnt be this hard. my dad can just do things he doesnt want to and im like#HOW??? Im too much like my mom. especially now that im way less anxious. she was a procrastinater and a messy disaster#ay. im just frustrated and feeling guilty abt the lack ot work getting done. i just wanna get back into thr lab#unrelated
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turntables or something...
#luc posting#lucXalistair#alistair does the ritual in this timeline so its Fine but like...#thinks about how if you dont do the ritual a romanced alistair will do the sacrifice no matter what......#thinks about how luc DOESNT volunteer to kill himself like he does in the zev timeline#thinks about the nauseating fear and horror of being so ready to live only to find ot#that either you or the reason you feel that way has to die#ugh.#(also im procrastinating on picking my final party comp for this playthrough.......)#(i dont want alistair bc im too deeply enamored with the image of the two of them sprinting thru denerim as fast as they can#bloodied and exhausted but triumphant crashing into each others arms etc etc etc#and i literally. just did this with morrigan & zev... for varietys sake i might do wynne/leli/dog#but then what about... the narrative justification??????#dont mind my naval gazing im still procrastinating over here)
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theres a new what anubis character are you quiz on twitter and i keep getting patricia??? no matter how i change my answers???? my life is a lie????????
#>:(#i mean i love her but we are not alike slkdj#(also ot be clear i did it properly the first time and then kept retaking to see what i had to put for joy#the answer is apparently it doesnt matter)#(although i only retook thrice so who knows)
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So ot actually just ended…. A little odd that they don’t have that updated score
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huggggeeeeee boston fan ive always said this
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#what does one do when their perception cannot b trusted? im so physically and emotionally exhausted#and i can go from feeling hopelessly terminally bad to completely normal for no apparent reason. and on occasion i can go from normal to i#think i can stay up all night. i never have to sleep again. look how great i can focus. i could kill god.#and i have no emotional object permanence so it feels so stupid when im normal. i cant sympathize with myself in altered states of mind#and it doesnt matter but it makes me crazy the idea that i might not b bip0lar but i just push myself so far that under pressure my mind#splits into the catastrophically positive or negative. but i feel like this is how i have to live. i have to b perfect or pay a blood debt#and thats just how it is. and thats how its been. so at this point ive spend thr last idk 15 years of my life being d#some measure of miserable for no reason. i dont kno y i do this to myself and im 26 now and idk how to stop bc even pushing myself as hard#as i can im so far behind. how am i supposed to do less and not#and not just quit. im compulsive for a reason. there's a fundamental barrier between myself and understanding language but if i do more and#more and more then i can at least try to keep up with everyone else. idk im so tired. and im 26 and im afraid im stuck like this#and i cant even... its like ive split my head in 2 to cope. ive created distance within myself so that i cant fully feel how terrible i make#things for myself. half my brain is always like lol suffer idiot. it throws off my therapists bc i cant take my own pain seriously. ill#laugh and smile while im like yea i feel horrible like most of the time and i dont kno what to do lol. idk so it goes. i think im gonna stop#with the birth control tho. as it doesnt seem to help with my sadness levels. idk if ite making ot worse or not. guess well find out#itll b easier once i dont have to b trained on things. then i wont have to ask a question and burst into tears on my lab mate 🙄#unrelated
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#the running gsg my family has where its like .#my sister isnt my fathets child . is very fun. bc its a joke absolutely rooted in truth and#i think abt it often. i wish he hadnt told me that.#bc . what the fuck.#like she has jis contact set as 'father' (p sure its the sshing emoji i csnt rmb)#n . it just . everytime someone says smth or cracks a joke abt it i Do think abt it and i struggle not#to say anyrging. bc that js a Lot ill be So Real.#i Kmow that is my full blood sister. vht the fact that theres a chancd she isnt is buxkwild!#bc yea he said he doesnt soubt it for a second. but for a momeny there he did .#n thats wild.#for the record . i do believe she is his kid. but it absolutly struck my brain to compare nature vs nurture#and anaylise tje SHIT out of her and her growing ip and what i xould rmb abt her . vs my fathwr#n eventually i did give up bc what was the point lmao ir disnt rlly matter Antway . but. man.#i do genuinely hope she never finds out thk#or at least npt from me anyway.#idc id she finds out i knew ! i kept it from u for a reason bc . she was present for that xonversation i had with father abt it#like . ultimately it soesnt change anyrhing. it never wouls have and i do wondee if theres a morality in this .#but she has said she doesnt want to know but its like . 100%?????#gold up i do actually wanna ask the deck abt rgis . this is a heavy question and i do wnama discuss this with skmebody#or like . at least with my father to . get the record straight ot something bc WHAT
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why would you need two paragraphs to say "the sun rised"
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Im so jealous you go to art school. And my dumb wasted all her resources on something “practical” that i don’t even use
Honestly I did not take full advantage of my resources here and transferring in the beginning of the pandemic completely killed my drive for it :( my degree will be mostly useless since my career won't even be in art anyway lol I just want the paper for the resume bufd atp 🥲
#which realistically probably doesnt matter either if i get the degree bc my manager retail experience is what employers mostly look at w me#LOL#dw i spent ...thousands on coming here and I regret it everyday bdjakdkbjdjdjcjf this is why pwasoi exists AAAA#i honestly think i shouldve stayed in community college abd gotten my bachelors there ot wouldve been way cheaper
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more people need to acknowledge the fact that hard work, putting all your effort into things, and trying your best DOESNT GUARANTEE SUCCESS. more people need to accept and acknowledge that no everyone can succeed with purely their own effort! sometimes the only thing you get for your hard work and effort is getting burnt out. not everyone is capable of succeeding on their own without other people to help and boost them or pure "luck" and telling everyone they can't possibly fail if they are trying hard enough only hurts the people who genuinely do try and don't make it in the end. normalize hard work not paying off and failing with no success and not actually having a realistic way to succeed!
#that or help each other succeed instead of putting ot all on the person alone and shaming them for failing and running out of#realiatic options and ways to do the thing that leads to needing to give up#we need to stop telling people that if they just try harder. keep going. and stop giving up when they take a break that they will succeed.#because if they try too hard for too long they will just burn themsleves out and regress rather than progress.#they might make themsleves sick or injured from pushing too far. they may burn out and be unable to even do the bare minimum anymore#just simply trying your best doesnt mean you will eventually succeed. especially if you expect the person to do it with no suppprt#or no help from you or anyone else. NOT EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE AND HARD WORK CANT MAKE THE IMPOSSIBLE POSSIBLE#sometimes we need to know when and how to give up and telling people to keep trying the same thing is mentally torturous...#sometimes i wish people would tell me its OK TO GIVE UP. tell me they see im trying my best but its not going to work by continuing#and its ok. rather than telling me keep trying. dont give up. one day. and STOP assuming that me not succeeding = not trying#just because someone isnt succeeding while you keep saying try harder/dont give up DOES NOT MEAN they arent trying their best!!!!!#because SOMETIMES YOUR BEST IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH AND ITS NOT FAIR TO BLAME THE PERSON FOR THAT#ugh. i have too many feelings on this but is so hard to put into words so became a tag rant because of how messy it is#does it make sense though????? is there anyone that agrees or is everyone in the mind of “everyone can succeed if they ~try hard enough~”#because it doesnt matter how hard a fish tries to climb a tree. it will never succeed. sometimes thats reality!!!!!#you cant willpower your way past reality!!!!! but the fish can sit in a tree if it gets help and is placed there. sometimes people need help#and if you only want to tell people to try harder but not offer help then youre causing more problems by not acknowledging their struggle#lee rambles#WORDS ARE HARD AHHHHHHHFHFHDJFHHFDJ
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This is such a silly thing to notice, but it's become obvious to me when the 'solid ground' in a show isn't as solid as it looks to make it easier for the actor to pretend to dig.
I helped my mom and stepdad put in a big ole backyard patio and redo their front flower beds, all of which took a lot of digging and toting dirt and grass clods on my part. And one thing, is that before I could even use the shovel, I had to use a special tool to first cut into the dirt and roots and loosen everything. It is not nearly as easy as it looks.
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