#otp: even if the heart forgets

[koushirouizumi]

{C.C.S T I M E L I N E} x {H.O.L.I.C} + {C.C.S} S A K U R A ~ GIVING C!SAKURA THE D R E A M S T A F F

+ "THE C A R D S WILL STILL BE BY MY S I D E"

"I'M SURE {YOU} WILL BE ALL RIGHT, TOO!"

{Cap by Me} (Please ASK to Use)

[natalievoncatte]

Kara knows, and that’s the problem.

She knows.

How does she know?

To put it simply, she’s Kryptonian. More specifically: a Kryptonian under a yellow sun, whose wavelengths of light bring forth her genetic heritage when she basks in its rays. If long lost Rao was once her father, Sol is her mother, raising her up to be all that she can be. A creation of a lost super-science, a power to rival gods, a force that made the Guardians tremble in their emerald tower.

Kara can see everything.

The world is alive with light. It cascades and bounces and caroms off of everything. More than that, Kara’s world is bathed in a thousand thousand hues the human eye will never know. When she looks at a person she can see the electrical conductivity of their skin and the heat bloom of their flesh and a myriad of other details, some of which other humans can pick up on a subconscious level, others that humans haven’t even discovered yet.

Kara can hear everything.

She can hear dog whistles and butterfly wings beating and the secret language of cats. She can hear the crackle of radio waves beating the atmosphere and the music of the spheres. She can memorize human heartbeats and pick out the slightest variation, the tiniest wobble that the owner of the heart never feels.

Kara can smell everything. She can sift between the scents of ingredients in her honey bun, detect poisons in a friend’s wine or flowers in a park half a state away. Sharks would be jealous of her. She can scent people but also their moods; fear smells horrific, sickly sweet and rotten. Joy smells hot and bold. When someone walks in the room, she can tell what they had for breakfast, smell of they’re sick, pick out the fragrances of their emotions.

Kara can feel everything. A touch can betray or affirm. To hear a heartbeat is one thing, to feel it another. Her fingertips can read the surface of another’s skin like braille and she can detect the slightest changes in temperature or perspiration, feel the thrum of contentment or fear in an embrace. Her touch is not dulled by her invulnerability. It as sensitive as her other senses.

Kara can remember everything. The day she stepped from her pod into the brilliant golden sunlight beneath a blue sky was the last time she would every forget; her now empowered brain can recall events in the finest detail, down to the soft timbre of another’s voice or the way her hair fell over her shoulder or the softness in her gaze. And so Kara’s memory is hers to be kept forever, never to lose the sight of her.

That is how Kara knows, and knowing that Lena Luthor loves her is a pain so terrible that she almost wishes she could be spared that pain. When Lena sees Kara, her heart leaps and her breath softens and she comes alive with light, bathed in an auric glow more beautiful than a red sunrise. Kara wishes that Lena could see herself as Kara sees her. Radiant, angelic, a little holy.

Lena loves Kara Danvers, the bumbling awkward nerdy shy girl from Vaguely Canada who brings her burgers and donuts and OTPs.

She doesn’t love Supergirl and Kara doesn’t think she could.

That’s how the torture happens. Kara’s infinite perception becomes a self-imposed exile. She sees and smells the way James lusts after Lena, right in front of her. Baffled, she listens to the calm in her heart when they kiss and once she wakes frantically in the night, reaching about to sift through the city soundscape when she hears Lena’s voice cry out, then the sound of Lena’s heart racing and other sounds, and not for the first time, she pleads with a god she doesn’t know to make her human and free her from this curse.

She seeks feeling of her own. It’s pleasant enough but it lacks something undefinable, like a pleasant chocolate cake that becomes unbearable because she could have had something far sweeter and more filling instead. He tries in a fumbling way but it’s to please his own ego more than sate her desire. Then one day he is gone and in his absence all Kara can feel is a dull numbness, a ragged wound with all the nerves scraped out so that only a dull absence has been left behind, leaving her broken in a way that cannot be defined much less repaired.

Kara cannot help but snap her attention to the sound of Lena growing agitated, no matter how distant or minor. She hears harsh words and the heavy thud of a limo door closing and hears the sharp intake of breath as James realizes the mistake he’s made, and though he is her friend and he matters to him she feels a feral, possessive joy that borders on the cruel. It is a hard feeling, a red feeling, a sharp smelling mean feeling that tastes cold on her tongue, this resentment of the man for having a pale shadow of what she could have but wouldn’t.

Lena loves Kara Danvers and Kara Danvers loves her back, but she can never know because to know she must know all of her. Know the Other, the Super, the Alien.

Kara is two people and one of those people has been, well, a bitch.

Because Kara feels spending else. A green feeling, a sick feeling, the feeling of blades flensing flesh from bone while her veins turn to glass and her body burns to ash, the shocking pain of a little piece of home. A little piece that Lena made and didn’t tell her, and Kara makes the worst mistake.

She stops being Supergirl and is just Kara Danvers in a colorful suit, angrily refusing to ask Lena the question: I love you, how could you do this to me?

She does love her. She loves her laugh and her secret smiles and how soft she looks when she’s deep in thought. She loves the pain in her, the mirror of her own. She cherishes it as she wants hers to be cherished, held close by someone who knows what it’s like to watch your world explode or slip beneath still waters and be gone forever. She knows what it’s like to wonder what could have been and know the price you paid for what you have now.

She wants Lena so terribly that she’d almost choose the pain of Kryptonite instead of an eternity of this longing. She needs her, craves her, thirsts for her.

One night Kara realizes what she’s been doomed to. Another will succeed where James failed, and Kara will be spared none of it, and it will endure forever. She will carry memories of Lena in another’s arms into the sun dies.

No.

“I don’t know why I agreed to this,” Lena says.

Kara -Supergirl- says nothing at first.

“I have to fly you.”

Lena nods. She’s doing this for Kara, because Kara asked. When Supergirl extends a hand, Lena takes it and Kara gently lifts her from the ground into a bridal carry, and they fly.

The trip takes nearly an hour. Kara can’t fly too fast or too high. Lena accepts it without complaint.

They land far north of National City, where the warmer climate yields to deciduous rainforest. Kara brings them down on a bare hilltop, an island in a vast ocean of trees. Nearby on a folding table is a basket. It might be important later or it might not. She might have a life of joy or she might spend the rest of forever in a wasteland, waking each day to grief.

There’s only one way to find out. Part of her, the part that hopes, the part that makes her Supergirl, believes in this, in herself, in this moment. She has to, because the chain of events that led her here, flung across endless space to stand in starlight with the most beautiful woman in this world, it demands that it happen. This is fate. It has to be.

Supergirl stands beside Lena. She raises an arm and points.

“There. Second star on the left, and straight on till morning.”

Lena quirks an eyebrow and looks at her.

“You brought me out here for this?”

“Do you see that red light?” Kara asks. “It’s very faint. I don’t know if a human can see it or not.”

“I just see stars.”

“It’s Rao, my sun. I can see him. If I had a powerful enough telescope, I could see it. Krypton. The explosion won’t be visible to Earth for a thousand years.”

Lena looks up, her features bathed in moonlight- alive with a chaotic explosion of hues she’ll never see. She blazes in the night, her eyes a kaleidoscope from which Kara can never truly look away. She’s a rainbow.

Kara falters. Whatever she does tonight, this is it. This is forever.

“You said Kara would meet me here,” Lena says.

“Wait here, please.”

Kara turns quickly and walks into the dark, cape spreading behind her. Once she’s out of sight, she changes without restraining her speed, and walks back to Lena in a hoodie and leggings, hair in a loose ponytail and the back of her neck and hands in her pockets.

She walks back to Lena and stands beside her.

“Hello, Kara.”

“Hi, Lena.”

There is a tense silence between them. Kara devours the moment, consumes it so it will live forever, just in case this is the last time she sees Lena.

“We’re not far from the reservoir,” says Lena. “Why did you ask Supergirl to bring us here?”

Kara swallows hard. “I realized something really important near here.”

Lena turns to her. “What was that?”

“That there was someone who mattered to me a lot, and that I was willing to risk a lot to protect her. There was a moment where I thought I was going to have time make a choice, you or the chemicals. I didn’t have to but I would have. I would have picked you. I will always pick you. I can’t help it.”

Lena is not stunned. Her heart doesn’t miss a beat, but Kara can sense her apprehension, her fear, and something deeper than that.

“You’re Supergirl.”

Kara lets out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding and her legs wobble. There it is. It’s done. She’s free.

“I should have told you sooner.”

“You should have. You should have told me when we fought about the Kryptonite. I thought you would, hoped you would. I wanted you to so desperately, wanted you to trust me.”

Kara’s heart sinks.

“Wait, you knew? How?”

Lena laughs softly.

“The way you touch me. When you pick me up and carry me somewhere, you have this way about you. When I’m in your arms I feel like I’m the most precious thing in the world.”

“You are,” Kara says.

“That and you told me you flew to my office on a bus.”

Kara makes a small, choked sound.

“Oh.”

Lena scuffs the heel of her boot against the ground.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I was scared. I thought if I did, you’d see it as a confrontation and feel threatened. What about you?”

“I’m Kara. Supergirl is something I do, not what I am. When I’m with you I’m just me. I lose that with everyone when they find out. Kara isn’t my secret identity. Supergirl is. I’m just me. I just want to be me, I need to be me, and when I’m with you I am most myself. It’s like laying down all my burdens.”

“Same,” Lena said, softly. “You’re the only one who doesn’t treat me like an extension of my brother.”

Kara sighed. “Should we talk about the Kryptonite?”

“No,” Lena says. “Fuck the Kryptonite. Why’d you bring me out here?”

“To tell you.”

“Great, you told me. What did you think would happen next?”

“I thought you’d be mad.”

Lena nods and seems to think about that for a moment. Her pulse has quickened and her jaw is tight.

“Let me ask you a different question. What did you want to happen?”

Kara swallowed hard. “What I wanted was… for us to make up. Be friends. Work it out. I don’t want to lose you.”

Lena turns and looks at her.

“Bullshit.”

Kara flinches.

“That’s bullshit, Kara, and we both know it. You’re a terrible liar. I wouldn’t be surprised if half the staff at CatCo know who you are. Don’t lie to me. Please. Give me the truth.”

Kara looks up briefly, past Lena. She sees that faint red glow and her heart swells in her chest.

“I love you. That’s the truth. I’ve been in love with you probably since our first lunch together and I want you so badly that I can’t breathe when I think about it. I know a dozen languages and half of them aren’t from Earth, and there aren’t enough words in all of them to tell you how kind and wonderful and beautiful you are. I love you so much that sometimes I think,” Kara fights the tightening of her throat, “I think I’m almost glad that I’m here and not back up there under that red glow. I don’t think I could choose a life without you.”

Lena lets out a long breath and Kara is bombarded with sensations. Lena’s pulse races and her shoulders relax and her skin blooms with an ethereal luminous riot of color.

“I’ll never lie to you again. I promise.”

Kara can taste everything.

Right now the only thing she can taste is Lena.

[chaifootsteps]

for anon who was frustrated - things have come a long way already, so don't lose heart

Most of Hazbin's reviews were lukewarm and a lot of Internet reviewers said it was a massive disappointment compared to the pilot. Helluva Boss has seen a massive drop in views and there's pretty clear signs that they're struggling to get the support they once did outside of that, given they're doing often subpar quality merch drops after every episode (even shorts!) now.

The Full Moon/Apology Tour releases have really turned off a lot of the audience who are realizing what others have been warning them about for a long time - Stolas is likely never going to be held accountable in a way that makes what a sucky character he is, instead Viv is just going to keep trying to retcon and engage in other bad writing to dig herself out of a hole of her own making in order to push an OTP that even some of its most die hard stans seem increasingly disillusioned with. I'm seeing a lot more discontentment with the show, especially the Stolas shilling, on the once positive Helluva Boss reddit. and once the rest of the episodes come out at the end of the year, if Stolas sees no meaningful consequences at all and is just woobified again then it's going to get harder for fans to keep coping and using the 'it'll get good if you just wait!' excuse

And I don't think people will forget the mess around Poison that easily, especially since the pile of evidence of unprofessional/exploitative behavior from Viv and Spindle is growing. Crediting and bad pay issues are increasingly common to hear about nowadays and the claim that Spindle is 'indie' is starting to ring increasingly voice now its own that outsourcing to Toon City is going on. Not to mention that Viv seems to get into Twitter drama every other month, which isn't helping

Meanwhile, all the pilot cast that everyone loved that she tossed to one side (which there's evidence of) are going on to do bigger and better things in communities that actually care for them. Lackadaisy and TADC are really stealing the indie thunder and they're far better quality made by (in LD's case, can't speak for Glitch) much more ethical and supportive production houses, and Far Fetched is coming along at some point, too

Viv may never flame out the way people might be hoping she will. It might not be a big explosive downfall that gets someone to do a two hour YouTube expose that causes general awareness of the whole mess of stuff around Spindle. But I think there are enough signs that things are going south to trust that she's not going to make anything that's a classic, she's not going to be respected in the industry and she's not going to be able to keep it up forever

People keep comparing her to Butch Hartman but I kinda feel she might end up more like RWBY/Rooster Teeth did. RWBY started out with this real indie underdog spirit and had talented people on the staff (Monty and Shane, one who died tragically young and the other who left the company) but it all got squandered by the other, more amateur writing. They shared Viv's tendency to engage with criticism poorly (in their case, only responding to the bad faith stuff), they too were way too precious about their characters to give them real flaws as well as having Viv's tendency to let self inserts and faves steal the show, plus the amateurish and bad worldbuilding

I don't know if Rooster Teeth ever crunched and underpaid the way Spindle seems to, but since people often seem to put art before their consideration of whether it was made ethically, I think that will ultimately be Viv's downfall. Some of her fanbase are happy to ignore allegations of credit issue, crunch and embarassingly low wages so long as they get their demon show. But if their demon show keeps getting worse and worse (and taking longer and longer to come out), their attention will probably wander elsewhere, which has already started to happen

Combine that with anything that comes out as a result of NDAs expiring and my bet is Spindle will face consequences mostly in the form of more and more fans just quietly turning away from their show and them bleeding money more and more until it's unsustainable to hope to make all four seasons of HB unless the venture becomes wholly outsourced. Same with Hazbin - it might get renewed for more seasons but that doesn't mean those seasons will be good. The love and optimism people had towards Viv's work is just gone now. And if we're being real she's been trying to coast on goodwill from the HH pilot for a long time now

All important things to keep in mind. Thanks for this, Anon.

I think a lot of people are counting on this big, dramatic downfall of Vivziepop and for HH to be cancelled and then none of us have to hear about her ever again -- which isn't impossible, nothing's impossible -- but it's a lot more likely that each round of drama takes something out of her reputation, and eventually down the line she just kind of putters out, replaced by bigger and better shows.

Whether it got 1 season or goes on to have 12, Hazbin's legacy was always pretty safe. Viv's is a lot less certain.

[beefrobeefcal]

... And Nowhere to Hide feat. Frankie Morales & f!reader

Summary: An alternate ending to All Pent Up & No Where to Go in which Frankie really blows it. To find out where this all started, start with that fic.

Pairing: Frankie & Mouse | Rating: Explicit 18+ (MDNI) | Word Count: 3,190

PLEASE READ BEFORE CONTINUING Content Warnings: could be viewed as DDDNE, toxic relationship, alcoholism, broken relationship, domestic violence [not overt but could be viewed as such], hurt, drunk driving [don't do it!], ending of a relationship, body insecurity, adultery, cheating, there are no happy endings in real life bub.

Author's Notes: Even though this is an AU ending to All Pent Up & Nowhere to Go, I'm seeing this as the end of Frankie & Mouse. The original ending to that fic always felt like it didn't fit right and now that I am moving on from writing weight fics, this seemed like the right OTP to torpedo. I'm not sorry but I hope you'll forgive this beef anyway.

Thank you to @strang3lov3 for brainstorming this with me, and to @bitchesuntitled, @mothandpidgeon and @neverwheremoonchildfor their eyes and love.

No more tag lists - follow @beefnotes + turn on notifications for fic updates!

“That’s why you had to hide it then, huh?”, he yelled again, this time, sadness and hurt clearly in his voice. He didn’t know how to tell you the deep hurt he felt, thinking you were hiding seeking pleasure on your own from him; thinking you didn't want him anymore and could replace him with a fucking vibrator, “Wait till I’m not home and then fuck yourself? Don’t need me anymore?” 

You saw his body language show more than his words could say. He was hurting and had been hurting for a while. You had no clue that he was making this whole big change for you, and now you’d basically told him that after all that hard work, you’d replaced him. No, you had no idea what was running through his head. All you knew was that you were tired of being rebuffed and ignored and wanted to give yourself some much needed pleasure and release and he was mad at you for it. 

“How fucking dare you! You barely even look at me anymore – let alone touch me – and you want to give me shit for wanting to - to feel good?”, you yelled back, standing up from the bed. His face fell and his big brown eyes widened. Your emotions were getting the better of you, and you could feel the hot tears begin to flood your eyes. Your voice cracked. “What is happening, Frankie? Talk to me!” 

He said nothing. He just turned and hurried out of the room, and you heard the back door slam shut and the garage door open. You waited to hear the truck start, but nothing came. You grabbed your things from the bathroom and bedroom and settled into the guest room. 

*****

Frankie stormed out of the house, slamming the door as hard as he could on the way out. He ripped the door to his truck open and got in, choosing to forgo  buckling his seatbelt as he pulled out of the driveway. 

How could you? How could you just lay on your shared bed, looking so beautiful and untouchable while you made yourself feel so good. Without him. He tried to forget how sad your eyes were as you pulled back your hand after his rejection. His pride wouldn’t let him linger on that because his pride was not going to let him turn the truck around and throw himself at your feet, begging for forgiveness. 

He pulled up to the regular bar the group would all hang out at, and sat for a moment. Frankie pulled out his phone, expecting to see missed calls, but all that showed up on his screen was the alert from their doorbell cam, announcing his departure. 

His heart ached. He was getting healthier and back in shape and he should be happier. But he wasn’t. He was feeling worse about everything and drinking more to offset it, and even if he didn’t want to acknowledge it, a small part of him knew that this was all on him, not on you.

He wanted so badly for you to give him a sign, anything, to come back to the house and make it right. He told himself he didn’t want to go to the bar again and drink until his broken soul was numb and he knew by being here again, he was putting another nail in your relationship’s coffin.  His fingers twitched on the steering wheel, as if to let him know the bar was just right there - all he had to do was go in and he could forget all of this, at least for the night. Frankie didn’t know how long he’d sat there, but he was brought back to reality as a loud group of people exited the bar to smoke. He sighed, biting back the sick feeling making his skin feel wrong, and went into the bar. 

****

Frankie was downing his third beer when a hand came onto his shoulder.

“No Mouse?”

Frankie looked up and saw Natalie, one of Santi’s previous conquests, looking back at him. He cleared his throat and shook his head, looking back down at his beer. “No.”

He heard her pull the stool next to his out and moved it closer to him. “Trouble at home?”, she asked, sitting down. He could feel how warm her body was against his, making the ache in his chest feel deeper, reminding him that he was here and you weren’t.

“I-uh..”, he cleared his throat again. “It’s not been great.”

Her hand came up and sympathetically rubbed on his. “I’m sorry to hear that, Frankie.”

He nodded, eyeing her, then took another sip of beer.

“Well, you look great.”, she says a little too enthusiastically for Frankie, and he only sighed in response. 

“Look, Natalie. I’m not gonna be great company. I just wanna cool down before I go back home and… and…”, he dropped his head in his hands. “I don’t fucking know what I’m gonna do. I don’t know how to-”

“Frankie.”, Natalie interjected. “You don’t have to explain anything to me. It’s pretty clear what’s going on.”

He looked up at her, brows furrowed in confusion. “You’re doing something for yourself, to make yourself feel better, and Mouse isn’t happy.”

Frankie wanted to correct her. He wanted to tell her that it was on him, that he was doing this for you and he felt like shit, and he wanted nothing more than to go home and hold the most important person in the world to him - you. 

But he didn’t. Instead, he accepted the shots Natalie ordered, and let her say horrible, untrue things about you, all because he was getting his ego stroked. 

So he said nothing, just nodded along. He didn’t put his barriers up and tell her to move her chair away. He didn’t stop her hands from touching him. He didn’t stop her from crawling on his lap, and he didn’t stop her when she kissed him.

Worst of all, he didn’t stop himself from taking her to his truck and doing everything he’d wanted to do with you to Natalie in the backseat.

*****

Natalie was still in the backseat of his truck, pulling her bra back on and Frankie was drinking down the two day old, open bottle of Gatorade to wash the taste of her out of his mouth. 

Frankie’s head was swimming. The alcohol was working its way through his system.

The dread that washed over him was sobering for a moment as he put the lid back on the bottle and caught a glimpse of Natalie in a rearview mirror, warm soft light from the street lamps illuminating her silhouette. She smiled up at him and crawled into the front seat.

“I was thinking-”

“No.”, Frankie said, sharper than he intended, shaking his head and feeling the alcohol swirl his vision. His tone softened, “This shouldn’t have happened.”

There was silence from the seat next to him. He couldn’t bring himself to face her, so he slurred in a harsh whisper again, “This shouldn’t have happened.”

There was the sound of a sharp breath followed by, “Are you fucking serious?”

“Natalie, I-”

“Are you fucking serious, Morales?” Natalie’s words were accentuated with a slightly drunken lilt and cold laughter. “Oh my god!”

He growled and looked up at her angrily. “What did you fucking expect?”

“That you’d be done with that little fuckwit and wake up!”

Frankie stared at Natalie, aghast and trying to fight the alcohol in his system and find the right words to shut her down, but she was quicker.

“Look what she did to you! Your little feeder is mad you won’t eat and kicks you out!”

Frankie sat with his mouth slightly agape. He knew that was not what happened but he couldn’t spit it out.

“Oh come on, Frankie!”, she scoffed in a laugh. “I’ve known you for how long? And since you’ve been with her, you got fat. Like fucking fat! She made you fat because she’s a freak and who fucking knows why you put up with it!”

“Get the fuck out.” His soft tone was menacing.

“Or what?”, she challenged him, her drunkenness emboldening her. “You can’t go back to that. I won’t let you, Frankie. She doesn’t deserve you! I can’t just let you go back to someone who asks to be called ‘Mouse’ over her real name! There’s something wrong with her and she needs help, acting like this is healthy to do this to you. You have to see-”

“I am doing this for her!”, Frankie shouted, cutting Natalie off. His eyes had softened and were now pleading and his voice dropped to a lower volume. “I’m doing this for her.”

“Frankie, I ca - you don’t have to defend her. I get it, and I want to help -”

“Just get out.”

Frankie’s drive from the bar was - in short - chaotic. He’d stopped at a corner store and picked up a case of beer, then drove out to a quiet look out, downing one right another the other.

He tried to drown the heavy lump of dread as he watched the sky lighten. Something told him could find a way to fix this if he could think of the right words to say to you, and if he could get the water in the shower hot enough, he could scrub Natalie from his skin like it never happened. 

The drive to your shared house was confusing. The street signs were unreadable through his tears and beer fueled haze and his stomach felt nauseous from the smell of Natalie permeating the truck cab. He couldn’t remember what colour meant stop or go, so he just drove by muscle memory alone.

*****

You’d tossed and turned all night long, unable to get comfortable. Any time you found yourself finally drifting off to sleep, the pangs of anxiety reverberated in your body, making your limbs ache and your skin feel too hot and too cold simultaneously. 

The light coming in from the window told you it was very early in the morning. The dredges of sleeplessness made your body feel heavy, making getting out of bed that much harder when you heard Frankie’s truck pull up.

As you padded down the hallway, you heard the back door open and Frankie’s heavy footsteps on the mudroom floor. You turned the corner into the kitchen and watch as he toed his boots off, looking slightly unsteady on his feet. The hair popping out from around his hat seemed more mussed and his clothing looked like he’d slept in them. He was clearly drunk and you were furious with him for driving home like that. It wasn’t the first time he’d done it as of late, and it wasn’t the first time he’d come home with his tail between his legs, drunk and pleading.

“Are you drunk?”

Your harshly spoken words cut through the heavy silence and Frankie looked up at you, eyes weary and desperate.

“Mouse - baby…” 

His words were slurred and desperate, and his voice was rough and sounded like he was in pain. He turned his body facing you and you saw that his lips looked reddened and worried and something on his neck. It was a hickey or bite mark, framed with a hint of red lipstick. Realization washed over you and you felt sick. 

Frankie reached out a hand to you, watching your face fall and pull away from him. “Baby, no, please!”

“What did you do…” Your words came out in a broken whisper and Frankie lumbered towards you, reaching out. Instead of falling into his hold, you shook your head and turned away towards your bedroom. 

“MOUSE!”

The volume at which he yelled your name made you stop in your tracks and turn around, and what you saw made your stomach churn. Frankie’s fists were clenched by his sides and he was breathing hard. His whole body seemed to be tense, like a snake would coil up before it striked, and his face was twisted in anguish and rage.

You froze. This was not your Frankie - it was just Frankie, drunk and looking the way he’d described his dad. You watched in abject horror as he moved towards you, and both of you stared into the other’s eyes.

Frankie broke the connection first with a sharp sob followed by his voice cracking with his slurred words. “Don’t look at me like that! Please, Mouse - I can explain, baby!”

You shook your head, face twisting in hurt, confusion and anger. You couldn’t keep going through the cycle of fighting, Frankie getting drunk  and having to bear the brunt of it. You stood your ground, yelling back at him, “You’re fucking drunk again - I don’t want to hear it -”

Frankie shook his head. “Just fucking listen to me!”

You couldn’t hold back the tears any longer and sobbed, “Get out!”

Natalie’s words about how you were the villain were leaching into his mind, peeling back the rational thought and fueling the insecurities he carried. You were the one who did this to him. You were the one who was forcing him to change. Everyone else could see it - why couldn’t you? You deserved what he did because now you knew how he felt every time you went out in public and other men’s eyes danced over your body and he just had to sit back like a cuck and let it happen. 

His breathing was growing rapid, and his eyes were fixed on you like a bull seeing red. As you turned to go into your room, Frankie lunged forward and reached out, grabbing your arm. He yanked you away from the bedroom door. 

“Don’t you EVER walk away from me when I am talking to you!”

“Let go! You’re hurting m - “

“You don’t get to to tell me when to leave my house!”

“Frankie! Stop it!”

You pushed him back and turned around, but his arms came around your waist, pulling you back into him. His hot, beer soaked breath painted the side of your neck and face.

“Mouse! I just-I just wanna talk… that’s all, baby.. I love you and i don’t wanna let you go-.”

He was cut off by your elbowing his abdomen, and it gave you a chance to get away from him. You ran into your room and slammed the door and locked, then stood back and watched the door shake from Frankie’s fists pounding on the other side. 

Grabbing your phone, you dialed the only number your trembling hands could.

Will answered his phone groggily and all he heard was your panicked crying and Frankie screaming in the background. 

*****

The morning was a blur. Will arrived with Benny quicker than you could have hoped for. Will and Benny had finally managed to drag Frankie from the house and out into the detached garage, but just barely. Based on the damage he’s inflicted on his friends who were trying to help, Benny was scared shitless as to what he would find on the other side of your bedroom door.

You’d finally opened the bedroom door when you’d made Benny promise that Will would keep Frankie out of the house. As soon as he was in the room with you, Benny’s concern had him kneeling on the floor in front of you, asking over and over if you were okay… if Frankie had hit you… if you were hurt… and each question, you could only shake your head. The reality of the situation was settling in, knowing this was not something you could just come back from easily and Benny held you as you cried.

Will had called Santi over to keep Frankie in place in the garage. The last thing he wanted was for him to get back into the house and see that Benny was helping you pack enough of your stuff to tie you over for a few days. 

Santi went into the house to get some water and found you standing at the kitchen table, wiping your eyes as you packed some important paperwork you weren’t sure you wanted to leave behind. He had no idea what to say, so Santi said nothing. 

He grabbed a cup from the cupboard and the pitcher of water from the fridge, leaving you in silence. 

*****

You’d left that day and moved in with Benny and his two cats - Butter and Bagels. Frankie’s infidelity had come fully to light with Natalie laying it all out for Santi and then Frankie confirmed it all, solidifying your choice to leave.

The break up had affected every part of the group, and while you assumed that you were in the right for walking away, Will shocked you when he told you to forgive and get back with Frankie.

“You don’t get it. Honey, I know he fucked up, but you’re better than that. You want loyalty, you have to be loyal, Mouse.”, he’d said sternly to you from across the table at a Denny’s. “You don’t leave a man when he’s down, and Frankie has seen some shit. You belong together, Mouse. You know that!”

It was a given that when you told Benny what Will had said, he drove straight to his house, barged in and punched Will square in the face, breaking his nose. 

Santi had sent you a bullshit text telling you that while he was sorry for what happened, Frankie was his brother and he needed to stand with him. He wished you well and said he’d be around if you needed anything. You angrily toyed with the idea of sending a curse-laden response, but instead just blocked his number and deleted the message. 

It had taken six months for you to begin to feel like yourself again. You’d joined a social group in the apartment complex and made a few acquaintances in the laundry room. You’d even switched to a new department at the accounting firm, allowing you to work from home.

Home. You had a home again. Benny’s apartment was finally home for you and you were cautiously optimistic for your future. 

The bar you’d frequented with the group was now considered non-existent to you. Benny even vowed to not darken its doorway in solidarity, so the two of you had found a new dive to hang out in. 

It was a little further out of the way, but it was quieter, and less of a bar and more of an all-night bistro. It didn’t hurt that the bartender there was easy on the eyes, what with his shorter hair, the small offset blonde patch in the front and his jewel-toned southern drawl crackling light lightning across the bar. 

You hadn’t gotten the courage to speak to him, let alone hold eye contact. At least not until one evening, you’d bravely wandered in - sand Benny - and sat at the bar instead of the booth you normally did.

The bartender turned around and put his weight on the counter, leaning slightly towards you, and with his cheshire grin, he asked, 

“And what can I get for you, little bird?”

No more tag lists - follow @beefnotes + turn on notifications for fic updates!

[yugioh-kitty123]

don’t mind me I’m going to rant about Prideshipping cause ahh this ships makes me sad and happy at the same time

When I watched dark side of dimension the very first time I didn’t ship Kaiba and yami at all but I loved their rivalry but the movie took it to a whole different level it made realize me Kaiba was in love with atem the he talks about him and everything he did for him it just so ahh 🥲 and the ending the way atem stood up and smiled at him

what makes the ship more canon it’s the director who was making the movie confirmed it’s Kaiba love story of atem and one of the producers said no man would ever go that far for one person.

it’s the realization Kaiba and atem are in the afterlife together and Kaiba willing to sacrifice everything to see him again if that ain’t true love I don’t know what is

Enough about Kaiba let’s talk about atem / yami

What I love about Prideshipping it isn’t one sided relationship , atem does feel something towards Kaiba , the whole scene when he mind crush the “ ghost of Kaiba “ and sending a threat to Pegasus and the manga as well to the puppet master or whatever and scolding at Noah for Turing Kaiba into stone and cheating. their whole tag duel with the rare hunters and yami encouraging Kaiba during the duel against Isuzu

the whole season of 4 and Their tag duel against darts and season 5 kc arc

Atem and Kaiba sharing that smile 😏 and atem memory world when he saw Kaiba in danger fighting zorc atem jumps off the barcoly

let’s forget when atem said “ kaiba i felt the pulse of your soul , “ Kaiba our souls crossed it was passed onto me. Atem have said he could feel the beating of Kaiba heart and anyone who crossed Kaiba such as Pegasus and Noah, atem tells them he’ll never forgive them and he’s ready to take down anyone for him even noah have told yami that Kaiba hates him but yami said we may be enemies forever but he still fights for him . Even some characters in the show have ship them together for example pegasus said things that sound like the red string of fate towards Yami and Kaiba are relationship and ishizu telling Kaiba about the writing of the stone and Mokuba ships them :3

overall their relationship does feel very ambiguous to the point where one wonders if this was intentional but anyways Prideshipping is my otp and that Kaiba and yami are eternal rivals / lovers that not even death can part 🥹

[crazy-ache]

SJM is a Zutara Shipper? That sounds like Elucien....let me explain

It was recently brought to my attention that Sarah hinted in 2017 at being a Zuko/Katara shipper in the Avatar the Last Airbender series. This was exciting to hear as I was in the ATLA fandom over a decade ago and Zuko/Katara was my first OTP and introduction to fandom. I have loved them a long time and they will always hold a special place in my heart. I want to explore why Sarah shipping Zutara is really important when it comes to Elucien because there are a lot of great parallels.

Note: if you know anything about the ATLA shipping fandom/wars...you immediately know what she means by this. Zutara is a fanon ship that was often baited by the writers. Her disappointment is a shared, common reaction to the ship.

A very long, detailed analysis is below the cut. This NOT for ATLA discourse. This is intended to focus SOLELY on Elucien. Read below if you are a fan of Zutara/Elucien....

ATLA Characters vs ACOTAR Characters

Let's start with the characters themselves.

We have Prince Zuko, the exiled and scarred prince of the Fire Nation, who was banished after his evil, power-hungry father (the Fire Lord) horribly punished him for embarrassing him with his kindness (not wanting innocent soldiers to be used as bait in war), which he viewed as morally inferior and weak. It is implied his mother, a gentle-hearted woman, was abused in the marriage. She disappeared when he was young to maintain her husband's political power, only so that her children would live. The loss of his mother is his greatest trauma, along with his desire to go back home and gain his honor and father's acceptance.

Then we have Lucien Vanserra, exiled and scarred son of the Autumn Court, who had to flee after his evil, power-hungry father (the High Lord) horribly punished him for embarrassing him with his relationship with a lower-Fae female, which he viewed as repulsive and below their High Fae status. It is implied his mother, a gentle-hearted woman, was abused in the marriage. His lover was brutally murdered by the hands of his father/brothers and he had to flee, never having the chance to see his mother again. Losing Jesminda is his greatest trauma, likely along with losing his home, Court, and family.

Let's also not forget...they BOTH WEILD FIRE! I do think the Lucien/Zuko comparison is quite obvious and direct, where the Elain/Katara is a bit more symbolic.

For our ladies, we have Katara, master waterbender of the Southern Water Tribe. She is the youngest daughter of the Chief. She begins the journey as someone untrained and incapable of bending her own element, in a small, impoverished village due to the effects of war and destruction on their nation/culture by the Fire Nation. Her mother was tragically murdered by the Fire Nation in order to save her daughter's life. This is singularly her greatest trauma. Throughout the show, we see Katara become a powerful and master bender.

Finally, we have Elain Archeron, who was once human and is the middle sister in her family. She was the daughter of a once-successful merchant. She also loses her mother and is very close to her father, who she also tragically loses in the war. She loses her humanity and her fiance, Graysen, in one fell swoop when they put her in the Cauldron. This is singularly her greatest trauma, one that we see she has trouble letting go, even becoming practically comatose when it first happens. We later learn Elain possesses magic and is a seer.

A little less here, but I am not surprised. Katara and Elain, personality-wise, are very different. However, I will add that both Elain/Katara are often associated as symbols of HOPE in the narrative. But this brings me to my next point which is where I believe SJM was influenced by Zutara when writing Elucien....

Shared Grief as the Catalyst

Every Zuko/Katara shipper knows the crux of their relationship is from their shared trauma. Despite being on opposite ends of the war, they both carry an immense grief in losing their mothers to the war. It is the first thing they realize they have in common, the first moment they share a genuine, sincere connection, enough for them to reach out and open up to each other.

Elain and Lucien also have a shared trauma. They both lost their first loves/fiances. Lucien lost her tragically. Elain lost him in a brutal rejection. It broke both of their hearts, and they both carry grief and complicated emotions around it.

The hurt and pain brought Zutara together. As a result, they understand each other in ways others can't. I have no doubt that Elucien will spark from a similar place of understanding.

Complimentary Symbolism

One of the most beautiful parts of Zuko/Katara is the use of opposite/complimentary symbolism. Two halves of a whole. Balance and unity.

Zuko= Fire and Sun and Blue Spirit Katara= Water and Moon and Painted Lady

Lol can you believe we got the line below...I couldn't come up with a more romantic symbolic line if I tried and that's canon folks

Lucien = Day and Fox and Spring/Loss

Elain = Flowers and Fawns and Spring/Life

Elain, often associated with gardens and flowers and roses, was asked what she needed at her lowest point. She said "Sunshine." Enter Lucien, the secret heir to Day Court and Helion, whose name means Light. The Fox and the Fawn. Elain "Made for Spring" Archeron and Lucien "Spring Court Emissary and Courtier" Vanserra. I wrote Spring/Loss and Spring/Life because Lucien had to see Spring become ruined/flee the one place he called home. There is strong foreshadowing that Elain will help in some way to revive spring and possibly bring it back to life, hopefully with Lucien's help.

Let's also not forget that Elain was formerly human and now living as a High Fae in the Night Court. Lucien is a High Fae who looked down on humans and now lives in the mortal lands. It's an interesting dynamic!

Betrayal

Okay buckle up. This one is important. The feeling of betrayal is important to the development of both ships. Let me break this down.

Katara is a victim of the Fire Nation. Zuko is the prince of the Fire Nation who once hunted them down to retrieve the Avatar. She often conflated her feelings toward Zuko with her feelings regarding her mother's murder by the hands of the Fire Nation', as evidenced here.

Katara: I'm sorry I yelled at you before. Zuko: It doesn't matter. Katara: It's just that for so long now, whenever I would imagine the face of the enemy, it was your face.

We see these messy emotions come back when Zuko joins the team to teach Aang firebending.

Zuko: This isn't fair! Everyone else seems to trust me now! What is it with you? Katara: Oh, everyone trusts you now?! I was the first person to trust you! [Places her left hand on her heart.] Remember, back in Ba Sing Se. And you turned around and betrayed me, betrayed all of us! Zuko: What can I do to make it up to you? Katara: You really want to know? Hmm, maybe you could reconquer Ba Sing Se in the name of the Earth King. Or, I know! You could bring my mother back!

Now, at this point, we know she has not forgiven him for Ba Sing Se. Remember, this was the moment they shared their intimate connection over their shared Dead Mother trauma. (In an episode called The Crossroads of Destiny nonetheless). She offered to heal his scar, and later when given the chance to choose between what is right vs. what he wants....he chooses what he wants, which is to return home to his father for his acceptance. Katara took this as a personal betrayal and we see she still imagines his face as the enemy by demanding he bring her mother back (even though it isn't possible/he isn't responsible for it).

You know who else has mentioned betrayal?

For a long moment, Elain’s face did not shift, but those eyes seemed to focus a bit more. “Lucien,” she said at last, and he clenched his teacup to keep from shuddering at the sound of his name on her mouth. “From my sister’s stories. Her friend.” “Yes.” But Elain blinked slowly. “You were in Hybern.” “Yes.” It was all he could say. “You betrayed us.” He wished she’d shoved him out the window behind her. “It—it was a mistake.” Her eyes went frank and cold. “I was to be married in a few days.” He fought against the bristling rage, the irrational urge to find the male who’d claimed her and shred him apart. The words were a rasp as he instead said, “I know. I’m sorry.”

Elain associates Lucien's involvement with Ianthe/Hybern/The Cauldron as a personal betrayal. Lucien, much like Zuko, is sorry for his actions that have hurt her.

Both Zuko and Lucien don't argue about the anger/accusations of betrayal. They own it. They just want to make it right.

In the same episode of the snippet above ("You could bring my mother back!") Zuko and Katara go on their infamous "field trip" or journey together, just the two of them. Despite Katara's anger, the two of them are in perfect sync. They are the perfect team and pair, moving fluid in their elements, sneaking around enemy ships. Zuko defends her desire for closure (however dark it may be) against her friends and family wishes. He never questions her. He supports her emotionally. He yells at an enemy solider- "Don't lie! You look her in the eye and you tell me you don't remember what you did." (OH COME ON, what is hotter than that!?) In the end, she forgives him. Not because of what he did. But because he understands her and gives her space and places no expectations of who she is or what she should do. He accepts her. All the dark and pain and light inside.

Don't mind the romantic sunset in the background

Going on an adventure? Likely against the wishes of friends and family due to it being dangerous? Doing whatever is necessary to help the girl forgive you/trust you? Giving her the necessary space and support to do what she has set her mind to? Helping her find closure and healing along the way? Falling love? Sure sounds like an Elucien book......wonder where SJM got the inspiration?

Azriel vs Aang

I cannot write this post without mentioning Aang and Azriel. This is NOT an ATLA shipping discourse so please no comments regarding the Kataang/Zutara ship war. I am using this as a comparison to Elucien/E/riel.

I have a feeling that SJM has written Azriel (specifically in the Bonus Chapter) to serve as a foil to Aang's dynamic to Katara. Which is that both characters feel entitled to their crush.

Aang, the young hero and savior of the world, has a long-standing crush on Katara that is not really reciprocated romantically throughout the series.

When the group goes to watch a play based on themselves, there is scene where the actors on stage go:

Actor Zuko: Wait, I thought you were the Avatar's girl! [Aang in the audience nods in agreement.] Actress Katara: The Avatar? Why, he's like a little brother to me! I certainly don't think of him in a romantic way. [Aang in the audience grows concerned.] Besides, how could he ever find out about ... this? [Actress Katara and Actor Zuko embrace and hold hands while Actress Katara pops up one leg. Aang gets up from his seat to leave.]

It can be interpreted that his nodding and getting upset is attributed to feeling possessive of his crush on Katara. That she belongs to him, as he is the Hero and the Avatar, and should get the girl. He is jealous of something that didn't actually happen between the actors on stage (he is only 12 to be fair).

Further evidence here:

Aang: But it's true, isn't it? We kissed at the Invasion, and I thought we were gonna be together. But we're not. Katara: Aang, I don't know. Aang: Why don't you know? Katara: Because, we're in the middle of a war, and, we have other things to worry about. This isn't the right time.

...and then he kisses her, and she doesn't want it/isn't expecting it, and runs away back to the theater. We won't get into that here.

Hm, this story sounds familiar....

Azriel ignored the question. "The Cauldron chose three sisters. Tell me how it's possible that my two brothers are with two of those sisters, yet the third was given to another."

There is a similar sense of entitlement, that also ended with Elain running away from the scene, upset. The difference being he rejected her at the urging (and convincing) of Rhysand because he knew it was a mistake.

Tension & Healing & Growth (What's Next)

"There is a great deal of tension, growth, and healing to be found for both of them (together)." - from Sarah J Maas herself. If she was a Zutara shipper, I can totally see her inspiration in elements of Elucien.

In the end, many Zuko/Katara shippers really believed these two brought out the best in each other in the best possible ways. (I know I did). And I think that's a big reason a lot of Eluciens ship Elain/Lucien...the potential of how they'll complement each other is so huge.

Just as Katara and Zuko were once extremely tense in their relationship, they underwent an incredible and beautiful journey of healing and growth. One that ended in....Zuko sacrificing his life for her. Animated in slow motion with romantic/epic musical scores. For the girl who lost her mother (who sacrificed herself to save her daughter). An epic friendship but no romance....which Sarah herself agreed she wasn't a fan of....

So I imagine she is going to rectify that narrative for Elucien. I for one cannot wait to read their story in their book.

[josephinekhawaja]

The most beautiful Kaya Scodelario looked in "The Gentlemen". And the overall scene is something that can actually be so personal. Him seeking her out. Like ending episode 6 thinking mom and dad (mum and dad) are going to war with each other...and then this...and then still the last two episodes being a roller coaster of whether or not they are going to be the literal death of one another. I have never had so much Good Stress from a ship that was Bad Stress when I was actually going through it. I aged and greyed so much through parts of this show, my poor heart.

To me, they have this low-key Bruce Wayne x Selina Kyle dynamic (sooooo, Bobby Glass would be Carmine Falcone? I can work with that), which, given how BatCat is one of my lifelong OTPs, I am sure subconsciously pulled me in. Like posh boy that can get down and dirty (so his ski mask era would be his Batman era 😅😂 "We're not criminals, Freddy"), however much he sees himself holding a higher moral ground over the underworld he must move through. And working-class girl, street smarts, that can no less look "elegant and stylish" and navigate the upper echelons; but at the end of the day is who she is and matter-of-factly💋💋💋💋a career criminal. (Kaya honestly even works as a face claim for Selina though her eyes may be closer to blue than green. I mean, the Gunnverse has to cast a Catwoman eventually, depending on the age range of their Batman... I will just leave this here for you for free, James.)

And then Princess Roseanne, the Countess of Tournai, would be Talia Al-Ghul especially when Susie lets slip some jealous vibes towards her (made me think of Anne Hathaway's snark about Marion Cotillard in the last Nolanverse film...the characters, not the actresses). Though ultimately I do see Eddie and Princess Roseanne as Just Friends and no conflict in that direction unless further miscommunication. (So much Misunderstanding Drama in this series and between OTP. When a good romantic comedy is not a romantic comedy; or even entirely a comedy.)

But really it comes down to their having such an *easy partnership*, naturally yielding to one another when it comes to it. The way Susie has her way about things -- most notably when she invites herself to meet Stanley Johnston -- and Eddie smoothly submits to her without in any way seeming whipped. Like their actions are always in agreement, even when their words are not. Those two are more married than most married folks I have seen on screen. Should have blacked out in Nevada than on the estate.

(Also, gotta love how she has him saved in her phone as "The Duke". Like forget Bridgerton...I would watch an entire season of TheoKaya going at each other in, Bridgerton ways. As it stands with this though, I could see how the greater artistic choice might be to just make this a stand-alone, but I would be greedy for any subsequent season. This is already technically an expansion on a film -- that I have yet to see -- so Guy Ritchie does not mind a revisit. I could use any more of these 2 families who fully drive the story of this world.)

[jade-green-butterfly]

💘💖~Happy Valentine’s Day 2024!~💖💘

🎶Watashitachi no sekai wa - mahou wo kakerarete, Ai suru to kime kisae - namida ni fuujirareteru, Boy futari de jumon wo sagashi ni ikou, Kinjirare ta yume wo - kanaerareru kuni he... (Our world is under a spell, Even the excitement of our love is sealed in our tears, Boy, let's go together to find that charm, To the land of where forbidden dreams may come true...) Dare ni mo naisho de - ashita machi awaseshiyou, Itsuka kotori wo ume ta - yoake no mieru oka de... Tsumetai asamoya - kimi to te wo tsunaidara, Hikaru michi no fuuin ga tokeru yo! Hateshinaku...~ (Alone, tomorrow, let's secretly meet, Up on the hill where small birds are buried... Someday, when I hold your hand in the cold morning mist, And the seal of the shining road will be broken! Forever...~) Kirawa retakunaikara - kokoro wokakushiteta... Warai kaketekuretane - hontoni ureshikatta, Boy watashi ni yuuki woataetehoshii, Kinoumadeno subete - zero nidekiru chikara... (I didn't wish to get heartbroken, so I hid my feelings... I was happy, for you gave me that smile, Boy, give me courage, To make everything that happened zero...) Dare nimo naishode - sotto kuchiduke shiyou, Itsuka yoma nakunatta - furui ehon no youni... Asatsuyu ichimen - kaze gakira mekasetara, Hikaru michi wa massuguni tsuduku yo! Dokomademo~ (Let's kiss quietly in secret, Like an old picture book we're unable to read... When the wind blows in the morning dew, The shining road will stretch on forever! Always~) Callin' you! Kanashi i yoru ha kimi no namae wo tonae runo... Callin' you! Sore wa sekai no kusari wohodoku jumon nano...~ (Callin' you! Calling out your name in a sad night... Callin' you! That will be the key to break the enchantment of the world...~) Dare nimonaishode- ashita machiawase shiyou, Itsukaminna tabidatsu - mirai no mie ru oka de, Tsume tai asa moya kimi to aru kidashitara... Hikaru michi wa massuguni tsuduku yo! Dokomademo...~ (Alone, tomorrow, let's secretly meet, On the hill where we can see the future of everyone's journeys, Someday, when I walk with you in the cold morning mist... The shining road will stretch on forever! Always...~)🎶

 - Aya Hiroshige, Sonic X (2003)

~🐶☀️💕🦋🦌~

It's that special time once again, to show your heart and spread the love to all you care for~💕💝💕🤗And this year, I would like to take opportunity to dedicate my annual Valentine to my newest OTP, Smiling Critter DogDay x my OC, DeerDelight~🐶☀️💘🦋🦌 I was thinking what songs would fit their ship, and one that stood out to me the most, was one I've listened to ever since I finished college, back in 2008 - 'Hikaru Michi' a.k.a 'The Shining Road', which is the second closing theme to the well-known anime, Sonic X~🎶I remember seeing a music video years ago with tender moments between Sonic and Amy Rose from the show, and that was when inspiration struck~💡💗✍️ I decided to draw DogDay and DeerDelight in the same emotional reunion with Sonic and Amy, where he promised he would never leave her ;w; But instead of a rose, I chose forget-me-nots for DogDay to give to DeerDelight. The reason, is the meaning behind them - a symbol of true love and devotion, declaring love to another and representing a promise that you will always remember them~💝 Forget-me-nots are also considered a symbol of fidelity (loyalty) and faithfulness~🫶🏻 And this is what is happening between the two adorable critters right now. With DogDay declaring his love to DeerDelight (something she had always secretly hoped and wished for~🌟🙏🏻) and vowing that he will never ever forget her, and will always be with her by her side, no matter what...~🥹To which DeerDelight emotionally yet happily accepts, as they seal their love with a tender kiss and embrace~🐶☀️💕🦋🦌

To give the wholesome moment between DogDay and DeerDelight more feeling, I decided to add the last three sentences of the last verse of the song, both in Japanese and English, along with adding details of the shadowing and falling tears, which I have to say I'm really proud of~👍🏻😊✨ ‘Sigh...~’💕😌I am ever so pleased of how this precious piece turned out, just the way I imagined it to be and I really enjoyed working on it too~💓🥰 And a very💗💘💝~Happy Valentine’s Day 2024~💝💘💗to you too, my lovelies~! =^o^=🫂Hope you all like as well, have a lovely day and spread the love~!💞🫶🏻💕😍💕🫶🏻💞xoxo.  

*~Reblogs are also deeply appreciated as well, so please do reblog as well as like! Thank-you kindly!~*

DogDay (c) Poppy Playtime/Mob Entertainment DeerDelight (c) @jade-green-butterfly (Me~!)

[mysticdragon3art]

Faebruary 2024, days 1-9. Experiments in learning to draw chibi Ballister Boldheart fairy.

2 days ago, I finally remembered the Faebruary drawing challenge, which I always look forward to (because I like drawing butterfly fairies), but I always forget (because it's February). So I tried to cram in a bunch of catch-up drawings.

Every Faebruary, I draw chibi butterfly fairies of my current OTPs. This year, it's Goldenheart.

But I still need to learn to draw both Ballister and Ambrosius. And I'm still testing out which of my Copic colors to use for them. I'm especially having trouble drawing Ballister's hair, from a front point of view. I keep wanting to draw the upturn at the back of his hair, even though it's not visible when he is facing directly straight ahead. It's really hard to not draw the upturn, after those years of drawing Claude von Riegan.

This time, I've chosen real life butterfly wings to base theirs off of, instead of making up my own designs. Because Ballister's comic book name is "Blackheart", I'm basing his wings off the "Uranothauma nubifer" or "black heart" butterfly. Ambrosius Goldenloin's wings will be based on the "Wallace's golden birdwing" butterfly, because that was the first butterfly with the word "golden" in its name that appeared in Google search.

The problem is that I think I might have referenced the wrong pictures for the "black heart" butterfly. A Google search shows many different looking "black heart" butterflies. It's difficult to know which pic to reference. I initially went with Wikispecies's pic, since it was specifically labelled "Uranothauma nubifer". But it's also labelled "Uranotauma nubifer, as Lycaena nubifer Trimen", so it might be a different variation of that butterfly. Maybe??? I went with the mostly solid brown wing from Wikispecies's reference, since that would be easier to draw/color. But I later found several other websites specifically labelling photos of the "black heart" butterfly, which look completely different from Wikispecies's mostly solid brown wings. They're mostly gray and tan speckles on white. So I tried to stylize a design based on the more speckled "black heart" butterfly wings. I'm still trying to simplify it in a way that is easy to draw. And I'm still trying to figure out colors that don't get confusing when juxtaposed by Ballister's skin or clothing.

I usually draw my fairies without shoes, but I wanted to practice drawing Ballister's (and Ambrosius's) full outfits, since I'm just starting to learn to draw them. Also, their regular clothes are close enough to the "medieval fantasy"-inspired fashion that I usually draw my fairies in.

I was unsure about adding Ballister's cybernetic arm. How would a fairy get a tiny cybernetic arm? Does their hidden fairy society in the woods, have a whole system of technological equipment and supplies? Does a human use magnifying glass spectacles and miniature cybernetics to make a tiny robot arm for him??? So I skipped the whole subject by not drawing his robot arm.

2/8-10/2024. No pencil underdrawings. Platinum Preppy fountain pen, using Noodler's Ink. Colored with Copic markers and a Daiso Fluently marker. Some corrections made with white-out, Gelly Roll white gel pen, and digitally with Krita.

[not-eli]

Rating Total Drama ships because I chose violence

Gwent - Alright hear me out. They were one of my favourites as a kid and it's really a pity they turned out that way. Trent genuinely loved Gwen so much but he lowkey deserves better ngl. 5/10

Gwancan - 1/10. No. Just no.

Gwortney - Their chemistry was really strong. Another good example of opposites attract, and again I wish things turned out different for them. Still, 8/10 one of my favourites fr

Scottney - I still have to process where the heck this ship came from. They literally never talked to each other and fell in love in three episodes??? Sorry not sorry, 3/10

Duncney - I have mixed feelings about this. They were so cute and my season 1 otp, but that was their only moment of glory. I love the opposites attract dynamic, but they made Courtney way too overcontrolling and Duncan... It's better if I shut up. 7/10

Lyler - Idk what yall say, they're definetely one of the cutest ships in this fandom. Lindsay often forgets Tyler's name but holy moly he NEVER lost his patience with her, he could have easily told her to screw up but always waited for her and it's just so cute to me. 9/10

Aleheather - Who follows this blog (and ao3 fics) knows how much I fucking love this ship. I've always been a sucker for enemies to lovers and god if I love their dynamic. The denial, the secret care, IT JUST MELTS MY HEART ALR? 10/10

Aletyler - I didn't even know this was a thing before I searched up total drama on Tumblr. Never saw their chemestry (even though I have to admit, the "paying back the favour" thing is a fantastic fanfic idea giver) and never shipped them much. Plus, some fans can really become oppressive with it (which, pay attention, appens with every ship). 2/10, sorry not sorry.

Alenoah - Look, Alejandro is at this point shipped with half of the fandom. But I have to admit, this ship isn't that bad. Another example of enemies to lovers, which I repeat I'm a sucker for, and can really turn out well if you think about it. Not my favourite, but a good 5/10

Nemma - I don't get why this is so hated. When I first watched the season I really appreciated Noah's change as a character. He clearly loved Emma with his heart and soul and it was just so cute to me. 8/10 for sure

Izzowen - Sorry if the name isn't correct. Now, I have mixed feelings about this too. They were really cute together and it's a pity it turned out like this, I think they could have worked a little better. 6/10, it's silly and makes me laugh.

Coderra - Alright, alright, Ik what yall are going to say. Sierra's actions weren't good at all. I already expressed my feelings about her and I don't wanna do it again, but I think that Sierra could have grown so much more as a character. In ROTI we see her wearing Cody's hat while hugging him, and by his smile we know that he now feels more comfortable around her. It's a shame that she came back to her obsessive behaviour in All Stars. Still, 5.5/10, pretty good if you ask me.

Zoey and Mike (dunno the name) - Again, I don't get the hate. Mike literally loved Zoey so much, cared about her since the first time he saw her, and it's obvious she feels the exact way about him. 7/10, loved them as a kid

[g1deonthefirst]

character game: our girl g1deon obviously because I'm obsessed, but if someone else has sent him, then I submit hot sauce

favorite thing about them:

augh what's not to love. im a massive fan of quiet and stoic characters in general i was a sucker for g1deon right off the bat. similar to wake, i love his loyalty — the way he never could choose between john and p—, the way he sticks with what he believes in, the way he does what he thinks is right no matter what the people around him think of him.

least favorite thing about them:

the fact that he's loyal *to john* LMFAO. 10,000 years of basically being in charge of the military of the violent imperialist empire for a man who doesn't even respect him. and then he died for him!! embarrassing.

favorite line:

"I sometimes forget." the sheer amount of horror contained in that one sentence. ten thousand years of occasional memory loss has to do a number on you.

brOTP:

g1deon and anastasia! in my heart i believe that both of them and cassiopeia were working together on a better form of lyctorhood. maybe g1deon abandoned the possibility of it working, or maybe his compartmentalization of pyrrha wasn't as accidental as she believes. also g1deon and matthias nonius i know they have something fun going on in the river.

OTP:

g1deon/pyrrha/wake once again. g—'s loyalty toward p— pre-resurrection really gets me (even if as with john he really does NOT know how to pick em) and i think all the time about g1deon and wake; what he must have felt when she kissed him not knowing that he wasn't pyrrha, and the fact that he pursued an affair with her after that speaking to a desperation to be seen and the passion of their attempts to kill each other. lives in my head 24/7.

nOTP:

g1deon/augustine that man is fully racist i do not see it even a little bit.

random headcanon:

i imagine he's a he/him transfem butch and i like to think that he was a climate activist pre-resurrection (even if i think the probability of that actually being the case, given what we know about him as an aerospace engineer on john's project, to be slim).

unpopular opinion:

everybody should care about g1deon way the fuck more! he's the most interesting lyctor! he was a genius of a necromancer! and frankly i think the fandom's total sidelining of him and the theories that he's the cavalier speaks to the fandom's racism.

song i associate with them:

funny you ask because i do have an entire playlist.

favorite picture of them:

oh god i can't choose. i love this g1deon's nose ring. and the shape of this g1deon's face. but notedchampagne is the only one going hard enough with the facial hair that i've seen.

[poryphoria]

cracked pot (for the ask game)

HOW I FEEL ABOUT THEM:

yknow when someone asked gianni how he felt about gabv1 i think and he was jsit lkke "MEBEGEGEGEEGEGGMMMkissie kissie smoochie smoochHeehehehehee" or something to that effect. Yeag. i don't think i need to make it much clearer how much of my brain power ive dedicated to thinking about This Specific Guy and not much else, but! You could say i like hymn. A little bit. Maybe 🤏

ALL THE PEOPLE I SHIP ROMANTICALLY WITH THEM:

phobos has always been my no1 but recently taken a liking to hank & tricky aswell, this has nothing to do with tumblr users slaughtrtime and aphiepilled I don't like those guys. I don't I don't I don't! there are very few people who can withstand being in a romantic relationship with hymn though, i fear. those three are all just kind of equally as horrible as hymn enough that it cancels out. i could write essays abt why i ship those three so hard if the people truly need to know but that's for a separate post

MY NON-ROMANTIC OTP:

SHERIFF!!!! They are STRICTLY friends in my mind but god they are such good friends. i like thinking about them a LOT they make me so joyous!!! TTHeyve never interacted in the actual series but they're friends you have to trust me. they took their lunch breaks together when nexus was still a thing. merc & the fanatics form an alliance with eachother postgame you didn't see it happen but i was there Trust Me [grip]

ONE UNPOPULAR OPINION:

WEll. Let's just say i feel like all my opinions about hymn are a little unpopular, but probably the strongest one i feel is that hy isn't that mean of a person, really. Like, the only times we ever see hymn ingame are either filter through jebs incredibly biased perspective (because everyone forgets that jeb is a deeply unreliable narrator), or when hys fucking HOME is being invaded and hys faction members are being KILLED!!! i genuinely don't think hys a very mean or hateful person, hy just is kind of a snarky dickhead arnd jeb bc hy doesn't like that guy!!!! hy has pink sparklies and stuff tho guys hy considered the fanatics hys children.... Hy has whimsy!!! joy in hys heart!!!!

ONE THING I WISH HAD HAPPENED TO THEM IN CANON:

oh i would've fucking LOVED. if hy actually got to interact with hys former coworkers onscreen after nexus fell. i feel like not letting hank & jeb take Flood Control was such a missed opportunity, especially if tricky would've been in w the group too- it would've been such an interesting reunion!!!! honestly it would've been cool in general if hy got to be a part of the party for a level or two like tricky did, even if you couldn't control hymn directly :O

[aces-and-angels]

Title: Dancing Queen

A/N: happy belated valentine's day gang- @jerzwriter tagged me in a fun, impromptu game where you list what songs your otp would be listening to this feb 14. i took a different approach to the prompt, as i often find myself doing lol- plus i had this hc in mind already- so here we are (but the short answer: enid's song would be get ur freak on by missy elliot); the long answer: this blurb🖤

Character(s): Enid Mendoza (she/her), Will Thomson (they/them), Zahir Saidi (he/him)

Summary: Will and Zahir discover a very special dance video. @choicesficwriterscreations

Word Count: 701

---

Another day at Park & Davis…

The file room- Zahir's newest home away from home. He eyed the pile of precariously stacked boxes with trepidation. “Okay. You can do this, Zahir. Just grab the files for Morrison.” 

The pep talk did little to assuage his nerves, but he pressed on, carefully pulling from the middle of the stack like he was playing a high-stakes version of Jenga. One hand on the handle, the other protectively hovering over the pile. A bead of sweat rolled down his forehead. Just a little more-

“Zahir! You gotta see this!” Will’s voice boomed through the quiet expanse of shelves. An unbecoming shriek tore through his throat as he scrambled to steady the boxes. Only when he was sure he wouldn't literally be buried in paperwork did he take a breath.

“Will- you can't just creep up on me like that,” he huffed, still trying to calm his heart rate.

Unbothered, Will pushed their phone towards him. A paused video lit up the screen. “Trust me, this is important.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Just watch it,” they insisted, practically bouncing on their heels.

“Alright- alright-” 

A simple, yet rhythmic melody played through the speakers. Dancers stood on stage in V-formation, heads dawned with oversized bucket hats. They swayed lazily to the beat- then the song truly began. 

“Missy be puttin’ it down- I'm the hottest ‘round- I told y'all mother-- y'all can't stop me now-” 

Everything broke loose. The crowd came alive with raucous cheers as the performers dropped down to their knees in sync. Zahir’s brows shot up at the sheer intensity of the routine- his heart pumping wildly just watching them move. “They’re really good. Are they from your college team?” 

Will shook his head, minimizing the video. “Nah. Check out the date in the description. This was over ten years ago.” 

“Then why are we watching this?”

“Notice anything special about the one in the center?” 

“Uh… they're talented?” 

“Oh, you sweet summer child-”

“My birthday is in November.” 

“I'd take another hard look if I were you,” Will hummed knowingly.  

“Can't you just tell me?”

“And take the joy of realizing it for yourself from you? Never.” 

“Will-” 

“Zahir,” they mocked.

“I really need to get back to work.” 

“This won’t take long.”

Zahir sighed, but resumed the video anyway. His frustration grew as he tried to catch a glimpse of the lead dancer’s face- their movements too fast for the camera to get a clear shot. The quality maxing out at 360p didn’t help either. Luckily, whoever was filming decided to zoom in at the exact moment their- her- head popped up. “No way- is that-”

“Yup.”

“But she’s-”

“I know.” 

"How'd you even find this?"

Will grinned smugly. "I have my ways. And a lot of downtime between meetings."

Her hair was much longer, falling just over her lower back. In the time he’s worked at Park & Davis, he’d never seen her with straight hair. Forget about the carefree expression plastered on her face- which admittedly hadn’t changed much. But there was no mistaking it, that was-

“What are you two doing?” Enid’s commanding tone disrupted the peace between them. Will slammed the power button, shutting off the video before pocketing their phone. 

“Uh- nothing?” Zahir answered meekly. 

She crossed her arms. “Did you get the files for Morrison?”

“Well- not yet-”

“So not only have you not done the one task I gave you, you’re choosing to hide out in the file room. Is that right?”

“N-no,” he stammered, his brain on the fritz at Enid’s piercing stare. “It’s just…”

“Just what?”

Words poured out of him like a running faucet. Babbling tended to be his default coping mechanism. “We represent some of the world’s biggest tech moguls. Blaire Hall, Khaan Mousavi, a third person I can’t name right now but I’m sure exists, yet we’re still slaves to this archaic form of documentation. Paper. Isn’t that ironic? The fact that we haven’t digitized all this is insane. We’d save space, time, trees-”

“Zahir,” Enid interrupted. 

“Yeah?”

“Get the files.” 

“Right away, Ms. Mendoza,” he squeaked out, spinning on his heels to get back to his game of Jenga.

---

tag list: @ascindio, @choicesmc, @win-chan, @brycesgirl, @stars-are-within-me, @inlocusmads

[pjsk-headcanons]

im starting to hyperfixate on enstars so here’s some hcs (im also going to admit something here i haven’t read mmj and l/n stories since the first few events ever so they’re being excluded. i know nothing about them)

NIIGO

Kanade

she doesn’t even play that often

she will read the stories sometimes

she doesn’t have a favorite unit

nagisaP because he reminds her of herself kinda

eichi reminds her of her dad (im sorry)

Mafuyu

kanade introduced her because mafumom would never be able go handle a silly game

kanataP because puka puka

and nagisa reminds her of kanade so she also pulls for him

she only reads ryuseitai and sometimes fine

Mizuki

arashiP. change my mind.

they read as many stories as they can (mainly w/ ena)

shuP as well

nothing in particular shu is just silly

Ena

started late but also at the same time as akito so they’re speed running the stories and trying to be further than the other

junP

VBS

Kohane

ra*bitsP

she ships everyone. her otp is basically just polyensemble at this point.

also likes hinata and rei for some reason but doesn’t necessarily pull for them

broke the censor in the messages somehow but refuses to drop an f bomb

Toya

95% of the lives he completes are with akito

he’s very good at the rhythm part

he gets overwhelmed with all the lore

the story has made him cry a few times

he has a heart attack everytime an idol calls him

himeruP

An

She an akito can’t type because they always get censored

She is actively trying to get kohane to swear to see if her’s is actually broken

hiyoriP and subaruP (he looks like akito)

Akito

he prefers bandori and d4dj

rinnieP

his favorite song/chart is “Have you been naughty or nice?”

hes on that rinniki grind

WXS

Tsukasa

saki and him played a lot in the hospital

he’s mastered the text censorship because of it 4n<| t7p3s l1k3 t|-|1s outside of the game sometimes because he forgets he doesn’t need to be careful

wataruP but also pulls for any card that looks cool

Nene

she HATES the game and only plays bandori (she didn’t get the card she wanted and quit)

Rui

valkyrieP and mamaP

he sends friend requests to everyone and they give him gifts (he barely runs out of material)

FCs 84% of the time

has every shu card but is missing a single mika card (its limited) (he’s sad)

MAMADAYO

Emu

Pulls for every card and has very good luck

not necessarily producing any idol

”plays casually” but has most idol roads cleared

-language anon

Im not that smart at enstars lore so fellow enstarries sorry if i got something wrong :’)

.

[ceruleanmusings]

4,5,6,7 and 13 for KaixCrystal 👀

send me an otp and a number

--------

4. Who loses their keys/wallet?

Crystal. She's not used to having much that actually belongs to her so it's real easy for her to forget them if she's going to school or hanging out with her friends. Basically almost every time she leaves Tyson's place she'll immediately have to turn back around for it.

5. Who’s better with money?

Kai for sure. He's used to having it and he's pretty frugal. That's not to say he won't occasionally spend on something expensive but that's usually only when he absolutely needs it. Crystal, by comparison, never had much money to begin with and after she was banished from the White Tiger Village and living on her own on the streets, she turned to theft to survive. Even when she's in a better place she's not that great with money; it tends to flow from her hand the near minute she gets it. She has a big sweet tooth and any time a treat crosses her path she'll want it then and there.

6. Who tried to hide the relationship from their parents?

Crystal's parents are dead so Kai did by default. He's not used to the idea of wanting to spend time with someone let alone having romantic feelings for someone and he doesn't want anything to tarnish it. He's not actively hiding it from them but he's also not willingly divulging information. He doesn't want to know their opinions because, to him, they don't matter since they're not the one in the relationship, he is. It's his. it's one of the few things he has control over and he won't let outside comments influence it. He keeps his parents at arm's length for a reason.

7. Who’s better in the kitchen?

Crystal is. Not that Kai doesn't try; he can cook enough to feed himself and for fuel but that's as far as that goes. It's not something he finds entirely important past needing food to keep surviving. Crystal, however, loves throwing ingredients together and coming out with something mouthwatering and satiating and savory. (Don't ever ask her to bake; it always ends in disaster, no matter how much she tries.) Taking the time to pick out the right ingredients, measuring, cutting, chopping, sauteing, and creating the final plate to present to people she cares about is like putting her heart on a plate. She likes the hospitality and community that comes along with it.

13. What is their love language?

As much as Kai would rather die than admit it, his is words of affirmation. He is so hard on himself and, because of his harsh upbringing, he isolates himself a lot and beats himself up when he doesn't meet his own expectations. But when his friends tell him how much they need him, how they rely on him, how they like having him around, even when the moments are few, it means a lot to him. When Crystal says it to him with a big, genuine smile? He could spontaneously combust.

Crystal's is physical touch. And yeah, being with Kai, she doesn't get what one would considering a "typical" amount of physical affection. That just means when he decides to hold her hand, hug her, cuddle, or kiss her it's that special. Coming in just behind it is words of affirmation. Growing up in the White Tiger Village where they make it known when there's a "favorite" (cough cough Ray), she felt she had to fight for attention or recognition. When Kai very plainly and bluntly voices his appreciation or his recognition of her hard work and successes, she'll remember it forever.

[yukidragon]

Sunny Day Jack - Grand Pas de Deux

Inspiration struck me and ordered me to write all night without sleep thanks to gorgeous angsty art and talk of MC angst on a server with my pals, and they encouraged me to finish a plot bunny that I had put in my scraps for being too dark and depressing.

Let that be your warning that this a rough draft containing a lot of dark and sad themes ahead, though let’s get to the content warnings anyway.

Content warnings: This story centers around death and contains major characters dying, grieving, hospitals, sickness, loneliness, isolation, depression, dark imagery, suicidal ideation, abusive family dynamics, trauma, PTSD, codependency, and a hint of spice.

Yes, there’s some fluff in this with my OTP too. I could not resist the allure of adding comfort after such intense hurt as a story of loss and death. I am a weak marshmallow who needs my OTP to have a happy ending together even when trying to write angst, hahahaha. Just think of it a little bit of gold to put the broken pieces back together and make a new, beautifully flawed container now filled with love.

Also it's a good excuse to write about lots of comforting hugs, passionate smooches, and tender touches while emotions are running high.

This short story is based on the reincarnation storyline, as discussed in the big reincarnation headcanon post, as well as this previous post, this spicy pov story, and this reunion story with Jack and Alice’s past incarnations, Joseph and Mary.

The Incident of 1984 was a tragedy that those who witnessed it could never forget it, especially if they cared at all for the fallen star of the once beloved SunnyTime Crew Show, Sunny Day Jack. Mary would always remember that day, and the man behind the makeup, the person who she loved more than life itself.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur

...

Heavy breathing and the constant piercing beeping of the heart monitor. Together they performed a somber symphony. They were the only company Mary had in the lonely hospital room while pain tore through her insides without end.

She lasted longer than the death sentence the doctor gave her back when she was a child, back when she still had someone who would hold her while she cried about her diagnosis… someone who made her feel loved.

There was no one to hold her now. Joseph was… gone. He would never hold her and whisper sweet words of love in her ear ever again. She would never feel his warmth again, the way his chest would rumble pleasantly with laughter when he told a goofy joke to lighten her spirits. He couldn’t promise her that he would be there for her no matter what, that he would help her defy her diagnosis and keep living. With him. He loved her so much. He always said that he couldn’t live without her.

Mary couldn’t live without Joseph either.

Mary slept when she could, but sleep was a peace that constantly eluded and mocked her. The waking world was only pain and loneliness. Sleep was her only escape from the painful rotting shell she was trapped inside. Sometimes she even dreamed of happier times, of a life without pain, full of love with someone whose smile was made of sunshine.

But most times the pain refused to let her escape even in sleep. It burrowed into her dreams and turned them into nightmares. Her body failed her, warping into a grotesque abomination that decayed all around her, and the man she loved more than the world died countless times before her eyes. She relived the gunshots, that shower of blood, the screams. Her subconscious sometimes made it even worse than reality, and Joseph was left desperately clinging to life, gurgling her name weakly as he choked on his own blood.

Then there were the nightmares where Joseph was trapped in hell. Mary heard his desperate pleas for her to save him, to not forget him, but she could never reach him. She couldn’t move, trapped under an inescapable weight. Chains made of pain bound her to the body that was dying all around her, where eating, or even breathing, only brought her more suffering.

A new sound - birdsong - pulled Mary from the dark spiral of her thoughts, if just enough to open her eyes. It was high pitched and grating, a piercing sound far too cheerful to the point that it was almost mocking.

Someone had opened up the window, a nurse most likely, probably in an attempt to cheer Mary up with a view of the glorious morning sky. Her family certainly hadn’t done it. Maybe they visited her when she was first brought to the hospital when her world was nothing but a blur of shock and agony, or maybe they didn’t. Maybe they already forgot about her.

Why would they come? Mary Phoenix, their failure daughter, was no longer their problem after all.

A warm breeze made the curtains sway in a playful dance, the movement beckoning her eye to the world outside that continued on as if it hadn’t ended that horrible bloodstained day. The sky was bright and blue, far too colorful for a world without Joseph. The light glared through the branches of a tree not far from her hospital room, piercing into her eyes like a million needles. Mary couldn’t see the birds that decided to intrude upon her misery, forced to squint then close her eyes to shut out the light that hurt to see, but she hoped they would go away. The high pitched tones hurt, scraping into her brain and forcing her to stay awake, forcing her to experience even more pain. She wanted them to shut up, to stop.

She wanted everything to stop.

It was already over, the world just refused to admit it. The show had ended, the performance ending in tragedy. Her role in the end was the grieving widow whose lover died on stage before the demanding crowd, leaving the curtains to close on her weeping over his still and lifeless body.

Yet the world insisted that the show continue. Just like when the children in the studio audience cried and the blood slowly pooled in a fake primary colored set, the cameras were still recording, still insisting that the show wasn’t over yet, even when the sun had been shot out of the sky.

The hospital staff were the stagehands, forcing Mary to keep playing the part of the grieving widow for an audience that no longer cared to watch her macabre dance. They expected her to perform a variation that should have been a pas de deux. She was a puppet, dancing only due to strings made of sterilized tubing filled with fluids, directed by empty words of so-called encouragement. Their fake smiles were nothing more than a comedy mask, when the only face she could wear was a tragedy.

Who was Mary dancing for?

The show was a farce, a mockery of hope for brighter days. Even if Mary somehow found the strength to move without these strings, she would only be dancing to an empty studio with no audience. They expected her to continue the performance even though no one cared to continue watching. They moved on to the next show, the next thing bright, colorful, beautiful, and alive.

No one was waiting for Mary to get better. No one would mourn her.

Mary lost Joseph before, but back then she held hope that maybe someday they could meet again. She had so many hopes, of a future where she created stories, like the ones that kept her hopes alive even in her empty room where her parents didn’t even bother to check up on her. She wanted to create vast colorful worlds like the ones she imagined whenever she closed her eyes, her only true company during those long and empty days alone. She wanted to touch other people, people like her who just wanted to believe in a world better than this one. She wanted to get better, to make friends, create a family of her own, to feel loved and appreciated.

She once hoped to live.

There was a stack of books by her bed on the nightstand beside the untouched lunch tray, a token offering of something to pass the time in an empty room with only four walls and a single window that invited in blinding sunlight and screeching birds to keep Mary company. She even recognized one of the books, a story that once brought her comfort many a long and lonely night.

Mary hadn’t bothered to open any of them. What was the point? What was there to hope for now?

The dream was dead. The show she gave up so much for was over. The leading man in her life had exited the stage for the last time. The supporting cast took their bows and left for new roles. The audience left to search for something new without a backward glance.

The producers burned the studio to the ground.

A wheezing breath escaped Mary, a bitter sound that was the ghost of a laugh. The SunnyTime Crew Show, that damn show. If she never pitched it in the first place, if she never used what few connections she managed to create to give Joseph that part, would things have ended differently?

With closed eyes, Mary was back in the audience, watching the final filming of the SunnyTime Crew Show, the final performance of Sunny Day Jack. The gunman’s accusations were cruel. She saw the way they cut right to the heart of Joseph from the pain in his face. The hatred the assailant had for Joseph Cullman was all consuming. Those dark eyes burned with a need for revenge so bright and terrible that only death could douse the flames.

 Everything was gone. The show, her dreams, her future, and the only person who ever truly loved her. Only ashes remained.

Ashes, and the macabre dance of the corpse that was expected to continue to perform in a world that had already moved on without her.

It was harder for Mary to open her eyes again. The world was a blur of color, golden hues as the sun dipped down out of sight in the other half of the sky, far from sight. The tray was gone, but the books remained, untouched, but now completely unreadable.

When Mary was young, she wished for a different life, one where she was healthy and happy, one where she made countless friends and made dreams come true, one filled with all the love in the world.

There was no more love left for Mary in this world. The only hope left was that childish wish of going to another world where she would be loved.

Maybe there, Mary would find Joseph once again.

Everything went quiet. The air grew colder with the window shut and the sun gone. It was so dark, with only a single pinprick of light left in the sky.

Starlight, star bright…

The beeping of the machines around her was growing more annoying, but distant, an obnoxious final theme song punctuated by the crescendo of the chorus that came rushing in for the finale at last.

First star I see tonight…

Mary couldn’t see the stars anymore.

Oh starlight… I wish… I could see you again…

The strings that forced her to dance were being directed more violently now, but they couldn’t stop her rusted ball joints from crumbling to ash, as her decaying body unraveled at the seams.

If we… could be reborn… I hope… you love me again…

The stagehands weren’t wearing their comedy masks anymore. They moved furiously to keep the performance going, but the strings were pulling out the hooks in the limbs and caused the stuffing in her belly to spill out.

Joseph… I love you… forever…

The soundtrack wound down until all that remained was the final tone of a flatline that slowly faded away to static.

Star… light…

…

She woke up gasping for breath, her heart pounding against her ribcage. Adrenaline coursed through her body with desperation to live. Everything was a dark blur through a wet haze that left everything about the world indistinguishable. She didn’t know where she was, who she was. All she knew was that she needed…

“Sunshine?”

A pair of warm, strong hands gently took hold of her shoulders, grounding her. The scent of warm linen with a hint of cinnamon and something else she couldn’t readily name hit her with a wave of nostalgia, of home. With it came a longing so painful that all she could do was dive into the familiar warmth that she longed for with all of her soul.

“Alice?” Jack asked, worry furrowing his brow, as he pulled Alice closer to him, allowing her to burrow her face into his chest. Her grip on him was too tight, painfully so, but it was nothing compared to the emotions that bled from her and aching his heart into his. “Hey… it’s okay. I’m right here…”

The only reply Alice could manage was a choked sob, muffled against his chest, her body heaving with every labored breath. Tremors ran through her, as though all warmth had been stolen from her.

Jack could feel the wetness of her hot tears spilling onto his skin. It made him want to cry along with her. “Oh Alice…,” he whispered as he stroked her back in slow circles. He held her as close as he dared, unwilling to risk putting her through even more pain, even though all he wanted was to hold her so close that nothing else would ever touch her again, never hurt her again. “I’m right here, sunshine. I won’t let anything hurt you.”

The comforting words didn’t quite register, but the emotion in his voice and tender touches soothed her. His love wrapped around her like a protective blanket, sheltering Alice from the cold hell she woke up from.

It took a while for the flood of tears to slow, eventually fading to an occasional trickle between hitched breaths. Alice rested her damp cheek against Jack’s chest, listening to the strong and steady rhythm of his heartbeat mingling with his breaths, and the soothing words he spoke softly beside her ear.

“Are you feeling any better now?” Jack asked softly, as he ran gentle fingers along her damp cheek to wipe away her lingering tears.

Alice couldn’t speak, and she couldn’t bear to let Jack go in order to sign anything she wanted to say, so she simply nodded into his chest.

“That’s good,” Jack said. He bent down to press a feather soft kiss into her fair, nearly white hair. “Remember, I’ll always be here for you, Alice, no matter what. Forever.”

“For… ever…,” Alice croaked, forcing the words out through a too tight throat.

Jack shushed her gently as he placed another kiss on her crown. “It’s okay. Don’t force yourself to talk if it’s difficult for you right now. We can talk when you’re feeling better.”

Alice nodded, a sniffle escaping her despite her attempts to compose herself. She closed her damp eyes and focused on his heartbeat, that unmistakable sign of life.

Jack was alive. Her starlight was still alive, still here in her arms.

“Did you have a bad dream?” Jack asked, his voice soft and subdued.

A dream. That’s all it was. That’s all it had to be. It was only a nightmare based on all the times she had to stay overnight in the hospital as a kid, though she never spent those nights alone. She always had her mother or father there to keep her company overnight, and her siblings and friends would see her every day, sending her cards and wishing her a speedy recovery. The hospital was a terrifying place, but she never had to be there on her own.

Alice wasn’t alone.

“Don’t worry, I’m right here,” Jack said to immediately reinforce that thought. “I’ll always be with you, sunshine. Forever. I won’t ever leave you alone. Nothing in this world will ever keep us apart. I won’t let anything take you away from me either. So don’t worry, we’ll always be together, no matter what. I promise.”

His voice carried more than just a promise, there was power in it. His words were a spell that once cast could never be broken. Alice felt it just as clearly as she could the love Jack felt for her. It was endless and unconditional, an unchanging fact written into the very fabric of the universe.

Relief weakened her grip, just a little, and Alice adjusted her hold on Jack into something gentler. When she felt the small indents she made into his back with her nails, she winced a little before stroking the crescent shaped marks softly in apology.

“It’s okay,” Jack said, his voice a soothing caress against her ear. “You don’t have to worry about anything anymore.” He stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers, his touch delicate and sweet. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll always be right here, sunshine.”

Alice turned her head, just enough to press a kiss against his knuckles. She felt him shiver a little from the action, his thumb lightly stroking along her lower lip. She kissed his thumb next before lifting her eyes as he tipped her chin upward and guided her lips towards his.

The kiss started out soft, feather light, as Jack took pains not to push things too far while Alice was in such a delicate state. To his surprise, her mouth moved against his more urgently, as if she were dying of thirst and only his kiss could save her. He didn’t need further prompting, and he eagerly followed her lead, shivering in delight as he felt her warm, wet tongue slide into his mouth, twining with his in an intimate dance.

Eventually, the two were forced to part with flushed faces while taking desperate gulps of air. Even while out of breath, Alice couldn’t bear to be apart from Jack for long, and she immediately dove back into him. The second kiss ended with them both lightheaded. Before she could go back for a third, he changed course to give them both a chance to catch their breath. His lips went to her chin before blazing a trail down along her neck, taking his time to savor the taste of her flushed skin as he set a fire within her.

“Starlight…,” Alice moaned as she tipped her head back to expose more of her neck to Jack. She shivered as his teeth grazed her sensitized skin, so gentle even as he added more pressure, just enough to leave marks behind that he could trace with his tongue. A thin, needy whimper escaped her as she noticed his hand wandering its way underneath the shirt she wore - his shirt.

Jack took a moment to worship her belly with his palm, savoring her softness, before his hand traveled higher, careful to skirt lightly over her sensitive ribcage before reaching her ample breasts. “Alice,” he breathed, his hot breath tickling her skin. “I love you so much. You’re so beautiful, so soft…”

“Joseph…”

The name was an arctic wind that froze Jack solid, his entire body going rigid.

Alice noticed instantly, and just as quickly felt a fresh spike of fear run through her. “J-Jack. Jack! Jack!”

That name wasn’t enough to undo the damage, at least not right away. As Alice continued to repeat it, her voice grew more frantic, and it shook Jack out of his shock. He readjusted his hold on her to something more secure, trying desperately to once again become the solid and dependable Sunny Day Jack that his sunshine needed in that moment.

“It…” Jack paused as his voice cracked. He took a moment to wet his lips and tried again in a slightly more even tone. “I-it’s okay, sunshine. It’s okay… It doesn’t mean anything…”

The last part slipped out under his breath, more for himself than her, but Alice still heard it all the same. She felt awful. How could she call out another name like that? “I-I’m sorry, I… the nightmare… I was… we were different… it was you, I know it was, but you weren’t called Jack and I wasn’t Mary, I mean Alice, I mean I was…” She was shaking, her breath now coming in rapid pants as her wide, red-tinged blue eyes began to water. “I was… I… I-it was just so real and… and…!”

Jack wanted to stop Alice’s rambling sooner, but he had to take a moment to compose himself, shamefully shaken by a name that shouldn’t, didn’t matter anymore. “Alice.” He cupped her cheek and tilted her head up to look at him. “It was just a dream.” He bent down closer until their noses nearly touched. “Don’t think about it anymore. Whatever happened in that dream or whatever our names were… they’re not important anymore.”

Jack had to pause for a moment to take in a deep breath that came back out more of a shudder than he would’ve liked. “W-What’s important is we’re together now. That’s all that matters.” He took her hand in his and laced their fingers together. “This, right here… This is real. We are real. The two of us in this room right now, Jack and Alice, we’re real. We’re together now.” He put on a smile, however strained it was. “I love you so much, and you love me… and nothing is ever going to tear us apart ever again. That’s all that matters. No bad dreams or anything else is going to change that.”

Alice stared deeply into Jack’s eyes, which were dark in the dim light that leaked in through the blinds from the streetlamps outside. She could see the desperation in them, how much a simple name had shaken him to his core, but not the promise he made to her.

Jack was right. Whatever that dream was, whatever feelings it gave Alice, that didn’t change the fact that he was here with her now. All the pain and loneliness Mary felt, the helplessness and crushed hope… it didn’t matter. She wasn’t dying, alone and unloved in a world that didn’t care about her. She had Jack. She had her family, her friends.

She wasn’t Mary. She was Alice.

Alice wasn’t alone. She wasn’t forgotten. She wasn’t abandoned. Her world was filled with love, and the one who loved her more than anything in this world was right there with her, right where he was supposed to be.

“Starlight,” Alice choked out, as a tear beaded at the corner of her eyes. “Jack… Jack, I love you… so, so much.”

“I love you too, Alice,” Jack said before he gently kissed her tears away. “I love you more than you’ll ever know.”

“I want to,” Alice whispered quietly. “I want to know how much you love me… so don’t ever leave me again.”

Jack paused for a moment, the word “again” lingering in his mind, dangerous and sharp. It wasn’t that name, but the dream Alice alluded to and the implications of it summoned ghosts better left buried in the past. He tried not to show her how haunted he felt, not when she needed him so badly. She needed Sunny Day Jack, the picture perfect person who could protect her from all harm.

“I won’t leave you,” Jack said, his voice low but strong. “I will never leave you, sunshine. As long as you want me here-”

“I want you!” Alice blurted out. “I’ll always want you! I want forever with you. N-no matter what, you can’t leave me…” Never again.

“I won’t,” Jack promised. “I won’t ever leave you, Alice.”

“I love you,” Alice said as she closed her eyes and leaned her forehead into his. “I’ll love you forever. Even if we’re reborn… even if we’re not Alice or Jack anymore… You’re the one I want. You’re my wish come true, starlight.” She leaned back a bit so that she could look into his eyes again.  “You make me happier than anyone or anything else in the whole world. I don’t ever want to live without you again.”

For a moment, Jack couldn’t speak, choking on his breath as he struggled to keep his emotions in check. He fought away the stinging in his eyes, but his smile came easily and bright. He crushed Alice gently against his chest and peppered her beautiful face with kisses, his heart soaring above the clouds despite the ghost of Joseph still haunting him. He couldn’t care less about that, not when his precious sunshine told him something so wonderful, something he had wished to hear for what felt like forever.

“I love you, Alice,” Jack said between kisses. “I love you so much. You have no idea how much that means to me…” He paused for a moment, his voice softening further before he went back to kissing her. “…How much you mean to me. There’s no one else I could ever love more. You’re my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy… forever and always.”

His sweet words were a soothing balm for her wounded soul, while his kisses were like little bursts of fireworks along her skin, lighting up the dark and lonely night she had been trapped in for what felt like forever. When his lips came close to hers, Alice was quick to snatch them up in a kiss so that she could show Jack just how wonderful he made her feel.

Kisses and words of love were exchanged between the pair, heartfelt and sincere. It rekindled the fire from before, starting off with a gentle glow the two of them coaxed into a roaring flame. Clothes were discarded and forgotten, as were the nightmares and ghosts of tragic lives long gone.

In that moment, the only thing that mattered was the two of them, and the love they shared. They engraved their love on one another with their hands and mouths, worshiping the bodies that carried their scarred souls. They twined themselves together in a lurid dance of  thrusting hips and primal screams. It was a beautiful pas de deux that celebrated the bond between their souls that kept them connected across lifetimes.

Alice and Jack, Mary and Joseph, sunshine and starlight… whatever names they used for one another, it didn’t change the love that they shared that overcame even death itself.