#ough desperation desperation i love you characters who Look So Desperate

[trophygony]

also why does fuuta keep getting the best songs actually

[smilesrobotlover]

List of things you like about Linebeck? rat man <3

Oh man where do I begin.

- I have a soft spot for AH with hearts of gold, guys who are cruel in the beginning and then develop and actually are very sweet, they just had a tough upbringing. I don’t have many thoughts on Linebeck’s backstory, but he is a good person deep down, he’s just annoying <3

- his design is everything to me. Like, he looks so weird and goofy but so sexy at the same time??? Like how??? Also I love Jack sparrow and he def has a more well kept Jack sparrow vibes.

- I’m a HUGE sucker for father figures. Idc what people say Linebeck is a DAD against his will and I will not take any opposing opinion.

- his theme SLAPS SO HARD it’s amazing. It’s one of the few good songs ph has.

- I just love his relationship with Link, the nicknames he gives him, the way he talks to him, the way he carry’s Link as if he weighs five pounds. It’s CUTE. It’s not wholesome but it’s FUN

- there IS a wholesome moment in the game and that’s where Linebeck acts more serious and asks Ciela to look after Link. He cares so much for the kid and really doesn’t want him to get hurt I’m so HH

- the potential for a complex character with him is so fun. I feel like he really struggles with his self worth, he’s one of those people that act all high and mighty but he secretly loathes himself. I feel like the manga really points this out, when he’s possessed by Bellum and he’s about to kill himself, he tells Link to not be a worthless man like him. He thinks he’s worthless and doesn’t feel like he belongs. In the manga he doesn’t like being called a hero because he abandoned his crew. He has a lot of issues that he keeps hidden and I LOVE HIM.

- this man is so pathetic oh my gosh I want to marry him.

- I feel like he longs for adventure and longs to be a big named hero, but he really can’t cuz he’s not built like that. So the adventure with Link gives him a taste of that and he loves it, even if it’s scary he loves it so much.

- the music at the end of the final boss with bellumbeck, I go FERAL. The song dark waters beginning with violins playing a dark tune, then it goes into his theme showing that he’s fighting back, but then his theme starts to get more desperate since he’s losing the battle with Bellum, and then finally he loses. And then the final boss song is SOOOO GOOOD GUYS like the beginning is a dramatic version of the phantom chase, it has trumpets that sounds like Bellum’s battle theme, and then Linebeck’s theme that sounds more sad it KILLS ME OUGH I LOVE THAT WHOLE THINF

-I love how he acts on the sea cuz he’s not a coward on sea, I feel like when he’s on the water he acts how he wants to be. Heroic, brave, competent. He’s so lovely, you can tell he loves the water.

- he can’t swim, like why can’t he swim 😭😭

- this is a little personal but I loathe myself a lot cuz I feel like I’m a pathetic loser who’s completely incompetent and a worthless human being and knowing that I adore a character who is like that makes me feel a little better about myself? It’s complicated but he’s just like me fr.

- I love how before you go to the last dungeon he just, acts really sweet towards you? He tells you to have fun and to adventure and I feel like he really genuinely cares for Link and yeah. He’s such a dad fr.

- he’s such a unique character in the Zelda series. Like there’s not a lot of actual father figures hence why Rusl is also very unique to me, and Linebeck is kinda the same to me. But, I already said this in a post, he’s barely connected to Link or Bellum in any way in the game. He never knew Link, he’s not apart of some magical race, he’s not connected to the ocean king, the only thing he’s connected to is his knowledge of the ghost ship. He’s just some guy and I really love that. Unspecial characters are my favorite. And I know the manga is different but I prefer him being some guy

- we don’t know how good of a father he was but we do know he was a good grandfather 🥺🥺🥺

- in spirit tracks it seems that he did learn to embrace adventure and loved puzzles and stuff, which I think is neat.

- the ending where he wishes for his ship back, like it’s kinda cliche but it‘s so sweet 😭😭😭 he loves his ship more than treasure.

- he got found family’d HARD.

- ok there’s some parts of this scene that I don’t like but when Oshus promises him a wish and he goes full 180 and his music is super dramatic and he wants nothing more than to save the ocean king like he’s so dumb

- I love his banter with Ciela I think it’s so fun, tho I do feel like Ciela is a little too mean, they’re relationship means a lot to me <3

- when he knocks over tetra’s statue like PLS HES SO DUMB.

- he says he’s a lone wolf but he’s really not he wants friends.

- the whole thing with Jolene is so insane and so funny to me 😭😭😭

- his letter to Link after you visit Zauz is weirdly sweet to me like he can’t figure out how to put things into words and he can’t say it in person so he just puts it in a letter cuz it’s easier for him. He’s just like me FRRRRRR.

- he’s so scrunkley I wanna shake him in a pringles can.

- I just love him a lot

[milk-ly]

Ooh, if you want, 1, 6, 7 and 8 for the general Milgram questions :3

Aaa thank you so much for the ask!!🥲

1. Which Milgram character is your favourite, and why?

To no one’s surprise, it’s Fuuta LMAO

As for why, honestly, I just simply have a type when it comes to fav characters and I knew Fuuta was gonna be my fav as soon as I saw him. Aside from that though, I do REALLY love his character and the direction it’s going. I think his character and his crime being so specifically modern really does add an extra bit of fondness too, because the internet and the idea of cancel culture is so prevalent in our lives. It’s a really interesting topic

I especially like how his story tackles guilt and forgiveness as well. Because his inherent reaction to his guilt isn’t as palatable as Haruka, for example.

His reaction to being labelled as a murderer and realizing he did something awful is aggression. I think it’s why he’s often construed for not feeling guilt at all. It’s hard to sympathize or humanize someone who’s attitude/actions you don’t like. There’s a reason he’s so desperate for unity and belonging because his natural temperament isn’t typically acceptable within societal norms and leaves people with a bad taste in their mouths, which is why he lacks belonging. And the MILGRAM audience being a reflection of society reinforcing societal norms onto the MILGRAM characters again which throws them back into the cycles and situations that led them to their murders in the first place is so interesting!

Also his intense guilt and the idea of wanting to be “blessed” with forgiveness and another chance is a topic I really enjoy and feel for. And it’s especially interesting considering the “bless me with one more chance” line in Backdraft when thinking about why he found his salvation in Amane and her religion, because he DID finally get blessed with a second chance; a chance to be reborn. And his spiritual rebirth is especially highlighted with how seemingly different Fuuta is now. He’s much softer and kinder after finding his “salvation” and it’s so ough.

Sorry for the sudden fuuta rant💀 I really love him.

6. Which MV is your favourite and why?

Ooohhh this is hard. I haven’t thought about it. I have to say I really love After Pain and MeMe! For After Pain, it’s mainly the aesthetics. I LOVE the location and colour palette. The details of how Mu’s bullying is being portrayed as an unending cycle and the shoes and blackboard notes giving hints that Muu wasn’t a pure victim is really cool!! The detail of the MV being out of order too ooof

As for MeMe I’m not sure what it is I love about it but I really do! I love the aesthetics and location, especially paired with the song. Tbh Its been a while since I looked at the tarot cards but I think it’s really neat as well!! Also I really like Mikoto’s outfit-

7. Which prisoner do you think you would get along with the most if you met them in person, and why?

I think I’d probably get along the best with Yuno? I think we could go out and have fun dkdbdk I don’t know if we have that many common hobbies but I’d probably still get along well with her!

I also find I relate to Mikoto a lot but not in the similar hobbies way💀 so I think we’d get along but I feel like actually hanging out might be a little awkward. But it’d probably be fine after some time!

8. Which prisoner do you think you would get on with the least if you met in person, and why?

Oooof I really love everyone and I don’t think I would have any major problems with anyone or anything like that. But if I had to pick then probably Muu? I love her a lot but I don’t know if I’d have a fun time with her IRL😭

Aside from that, I think I’d get along with everyone else relatively fine aside from some awkwardness🥲

[hopefulgardenshark]

I was destroyed for 24 hours after the finale of Good Omens 2. Then I channelled my internal Crowley and started asking QUESTIONS. And that thought process alone got me in a much, much better state 😊

Rejection… ough, it’s complicated

You can read about my take on the stage of the relationship the angels are here. To be clear, I read them as a long-term, post-pheromones companionship, something waiting to move towards whatever it is after at least ten years of relationship in human terms.

Aziraphale gets his "job offer." I must make a caveat that, as most of us have already deduced, this was the choice between Coffee and Death. What does it mean for the couple? From Aziraphale's point of view, he is in a long-term loving relationship. He has been threatened with the utter obliteration, what means not only that he would have never existed but also that this act would leave a black hole in the life of his precious companion. This fragile demon hates loneliness and craves companionship as much as the angel craves crepes. And he also KNOWS how much the demon loves him, to the point that they can kill anyone who threatens him. And that can turn out very nasty for them.

So we get the whole messy scene that, on the surface, makes no sense. And this is the first time they suck at communicating with each other in all 11.5 episodes.

Aziraphale SAYS  he wants one thing totally out of character, and Crowley KNOWS it is (the series established that he recognized his angel tone of voice). Aziraphale's goal is to save Crowley from himself (see here why the plot analysis tells us so), which I dare to say Crowley suspects. Crowley, on the other hand, wants something totally IN THE CHARACTER (both times he was rejected, he wanted the same thing), and Aziraphale KNOWS it. Crowley's goal is to get into a "we" of a relationship SOMEWHERE, leaving to the stars together. We know that he loves the stars, which was established in S1 and again in S2. He does not say, "I love you"; he says, "I would like to spend my existence with you." He also says "we've spent our entire existence pretending that we aren't". He does not mean it as in "we pretend to each other." Pretending to Heaven and Hell.

This is not a moment of a big confession about love or feelings. This moment is an infliction point, all about what we want from this relationship from now on. And the moment of loss and realization of loss. Crowley got what Aziraphale wanted for five episodes, only to see his angel inexplicably change his desires. The whole mumbling about Heaven and Crowley as an angel doesn't make sense to Crowley because HE KNOWS his angel wanted a nest., It reminds me of all the tropes most recently explored in "Marriage Story." It is not an outcome two loving partners wish for, but sometimes people want different things WHILE STILL LOVING EACH OTHER. The" nothing lasts forever" has many meanings and can be read in different ways. On one level, it is a marker of changing desires and aspirations. On another level, the facial expression of Aziraphale, when looking at Crowley, full of absolute caring love, tells us that Crowley may not last forever, and he is just making sure he does. There is no rage in that scene, only mutual love and hurt. People part ways even if they still have a lot of love for each other. Sometimes, they find each other again.

And then the kiss. The kiss is mutual (you can see it when you play the scene very slowly), not romantic but desperate. They both hurt, but Crowley initiates this absolutely in character: the one who has always initiated a deep dive into the earthly sensations (it is first established in the Petronius oysters' scene). Then, he is forgiven because Aziraphale must say something that hurts (maybe someone is eavesdropping? At the end, the Bentley plays the Song. The way Aziraphale looks at Crowley and Bentley makes me think he asked the car to play it as a coded message.)

Crowley behaves differently from TWO other rejections he experienced in Season 1. The other two were very early on in their courtship. He felt them as personal back then: "I don't even like you, you are the demon" and "It is over." Sort of stuff we yell at our SOs when pheromones are high. Crowley does not take it well; he loves himself enough to know his dignity and has no problem leaving. In Season 2, this is more complicated. The long-term bonds of "precious existence" are stronger because KNOWING THE OTHER is on a deeper level. And he knows something is very, very wrong. Why is he staying there, waiting? He does not feel rejected as himself; he does not feel his love was rejected; he only understood his Alpha Centauri will not happen for reasons he does not truly understand. Right now, he probably thinks precisely what he said: Aziraphale is an idiot talking nonsense. Crowley hopes he will return to his senses. Because deep down, Crowley is an optimist. And he has what other demons do not: imagination. So don't cry for him, he will be OK. And remember the last Jane Austen novel on Aziraphale's shelf: Persuasion. Not to mention the only book Crowley probably has read: "The Crow Road"…

__

I realized I wrote this from the point of view of Crowley. But Aziraphale had also his heart rejected. He cried I NEED YOU and he got silence, because his stubborn husband refused to follow. That rejection also hurts.

---

Another thought: The ending is our human equivalent of one partner deciding to accept that well-paying job half-way across the globe, while the other wants to stay put. The one who leaves, temporarily, thinks about the opportunity: the money earned to finally pay that mortgage, pay student loan... to be finally free and get on with their life. The one who stays does not see it this way. Who is right... we'll see.

[snakesinsocks2005]

I’m so curious about your specific interpretation of Thor as someone who hyperfixated so hard on marvel at one point, especially the first two Thor movies for some reason. What is your opinion on the Thor movies actually, being as you seem to consume the animated series and comics too!

Ough believe it or not there was once a time I had very little idea about marvels comics, and solely fixated on the movies, and that's where my initial love for thor came from!

I still very much to this day Adore and wholeheartedly appreciate the first two thor movies (as admittedly boring Dark World was-) the amount of D e t a i l and work went into the costume design and the cgi and the sets and the. God just the everything... was Sooo well done. Chefs kiss.

Thor ragnarok, when it first came out in 2017? I think it was? I actually really liked! It was and still is a solid and fun movie. However looking back im kinda bitter at how it and taika kinda put the first domino (atleast in my opinion) in the downfall of the mcu.

The complete 180 on the dialogue, the writing off on sif and the w3, really just taking anything and everything thor ever had before like his family his friends his hammer his HAIR his eye his planet his culture his.well I could go on. And reading interviews on how taika thought of the previous movies and comics put a bad taste in my mouth, it was real clear he had little to no respect for the original (And Original) material, and how he was just making it more enjoyable for him specifically, no matter how it was planned to be in the start. Impulsive with good intentions middle english speaking mcu thor I miss you so much,,

I've grown up watching various marvel animated shows on Disney xd (rip) such as ultimate spider-man, hulk and the agents of smash, guardians of the galaxy, and my favourite of course Avengers assemble. After disney xd's TV channel poofed off into the void, I had to delve deeper into the mcu to get my marvel fix, and that worked for a good while. Until it was clear marvel was on a steep downslope (after endgame I kinda lost interest, I've kinda stopped keeping up with the mcu completely after quantumania and multiverse of madness. Sigh. I reckon wandavision was the last top quality thing theyve put out)

Re and rerewatching marvel shows has helped me regain interest with marvels characters, with that plain to see with thor especially (the latter half of the fourth and fifth seasons of aa im totally ignoring, seeing as how its desperately trying to mush itself into the mcus continuity sespite making No sense and just being kinda :///)

I've since then taken a greater interest in the comics, despite having no easy resources to read through any completely other than small snippets I happen to find (most of the comic pages I've seen I've reblogged on here lol)

And man!! There's such an appeal to love a character from a specific source and find out there's possibly hundreds of versions of him out there with different writers, story directions, and art styles with unique yet recognisable designs!!! (Herald of thunder from what I've seen of you you are GORGEOUS.)

As for my specific interpretation of thor and marvel overall, it's quite alot of my own indulgence and preferences sksjf. Mixing what I liked from parts of the mcu, the animated shows and the comics heaps of lore/s, it's basically a big hoge-poge au of mine.

Thor is both classified as an Alien and God because why can't he be both? There's elements to him that are very very different to humans biologically (hyper density, more efficient senses, inhuman physical capabilities, glowing eyes, glittering blood, no finger prints, etc etc) with mystic (able to sense and 'see' different energies, everything to due to his asgardian Allspeak ability, able to surive in space with no air) and asgards incredibly advanced it looks like magic tech (mjolnir!!!!!!) With lots of things a mix of the three (his ability to harness storms, lightning in particular (probably the best idea taika put in that film was having thor have magic on his own with mjolnir only serving to harness and focus it)

There's lots of other details I could write but Man is this getting long lmao

[yakuzabrainrotlive]

Started Kiryu's section today and made decent progress!

All the protags have their lucky plushies now! Kiryu gets the karaoke cat because he's THE karaoke guy. And because I didn't wanna give him a repeat, a human or a monkey.

Oh? This man is ALIVE?? HOW SKDJJDKS too bad he just missed Saejima!

"Not too keen"? Oh gee, I wonder why. I'm no expert when it comes to psychology but I have in an inkling it might have something to do with HIM STABBING HER FATHER/UNCLE FIGURE IN FRONT OF HER IN COLD BLOOD. Idk, just a hunch. Kiryu, honey, I love how forgiving and kind you are, but this shit will get you killed for real one day.

Let Haruka hate and distrust the man who almost left him without an adult to watch over her again. Preaching forgiveness is beautiful and all, but I feel like there's a line to be drawn.

I would perish for Haruka. Deadass. I'd do anything for her. She better not die at any point in the games because I'll never recover.

In terms of the whole 10bil yen, destroying the Tojo and making artificial crime to make the police look good... I like it. I keep being surprised when the games have proper continuity for some reason.

Okay you know what? Fine. I will forgive you at least. You truly did turn around. RIP 🫡

HE WANTED TO BE A TEACHER? He did all this for her when he wasn't even an adult yet?? 🥺 Holy shit, Saejima just keeps climbing my faves ranking despite barely having proper screen time!! What a man. He's just so... OUGH,,,

??!! ON GOD?? HUH? Daigo what-

I'm guessing Majima is gonna be in jail for the rest of the game?? At least we got the Saejima reunion and the lore behind the eye stabbing of '85, I guess 😔

It would have been cool to have Majima in the Big Fight that's inevitably coming, but I suppose this is for the plot and because there would have been quite a few (maybe even too many) lads running around and screen time would have been cut for everyone.

My first instinct is to wanna strangle Daigo and scream at him right now. But I also remember his good character from previous games, so... I wanna hear his reasoning for this move.

Is the clan truly in such a dire state they need the help of law enforcement to get rid of a single opposing family? Good lord, how the mighty have fallen.

I feel like this is definitely a desperate attempt to keep Tojo running, but... after all Majima has done for the clan? I hope this was a difficult and painful decision for him, at least.

Munakata's information on how the Yakuza and police have been keeping peace as two different yet essential entities was fascinating.

Based on these scenes I'm betting on the final fight being Kiryu vs Munakata and a massive horde of cops. We'll see, I guess. Gonna have to find gear to help with bullets if that's the case. I hope it's not Daigo. But idk if Daigo would fight Kiryu.

[lords-of-mayhem]

hey all im saying is that if you write a thesis about how loc made you unwell i would read the hell out of it

like ik how it personally is making me worse, i need to know what its doing to others desperately

Okay, so. I'm gonna just throw all my thoughts that I currently have here. No promises on how coherent I'll be.

A lot of it is just based off of how violence is portrayed in the movie.

The parallels and foreshadowing in this movie fucks me up so much.

The scene of Euronymous simply saying "Scorpions?" to Varg and walking away from him paralleled by him telling Varg later, "I attracted people by saying you can't have this, you're not worthy."

Euronymous saying "nothing could stop me" cut immediately by Varg staring in the mirror???

The way Euronymous gives a speech that Varg overhears in the restaurant that Varg later parallels in the bar, trying to get the same adoration and it just doesn't happen?? Ough

Euronymous: We're not just a fucking metal band. I'm sick of all those speed and death metal bands, all that Swedish shit. All they do is celebrate life and party, they should just call it life metal. We play black metal, true Norwegian black metal. Varg: Exactly, posers claiming to be Satanists when all they wanna do is drink beer and have a good time. I hate that, all those death metal kids with their stupid Morbid Angel t-shirts. Making a trend out of something that was meant to instill fear.

Also I know I've said this before, but SOMEBODY in production has a blood kink. I refuse to believe otherwise.

There are at least 15 separate shots of men with blood splattered across their faces in this movie. I didn't even carefully examine every scene, I just kind of skimmed through the parts I knew of right off. (The show scene, Faust's murder, etc.)

And the way blood/violence is presented is so horny for no reason?? Like Occultus having his mouth wide open while Pelle's blood is actively pouring onto his face? This????

Who asked for this? ^^^^

Another thing is the parallels between Pelle and Ann-Marit. I KNOW I've gone on and on, but it fucks me up. There was no reason she needed to look so similar, down to their outfits being similar.

The multiple shots of Varg ass naked and fucking?? (This caught me so by surprise the first time I saw this movie, like why did they need to do that lol)

Euronymous pinning Manheim down while he encourages Necro to cut him? Lives in my head rent free.

The pure sexual tension in the Varg/Euro church burning scene. Like they had a cute little date and then the most homoerotic stare-downs ever. The way they smile at each other and the little hug :(

Then this gay shit

On the note of gay shit, there's not a single reason why Faust needed to touch Occultus as much as he did, yet here we are.

On the topic of Faust, there was also not a single reason why he needed to double take watching Euronymous piss. (keep your eyes to yourself girlie <3)

Emory Cohen also being so phenomenal at expressions really fucked me up in this movie, particularly him breaking up with Euro and him killing him later. He's so talented and it makes me so insane

Emory Cohen in general is just such a fantastic pick for this role, he's hands down my favorite casting. He's similar enough (especially irl Varg's arrogance that he captures) while also making the character his own is such a good mix. Plus, knowing that having a Jewish actor playing him pissed irl Varg off is a bonus.

Side note, but Pelle's dad leaving that voicemail while he was killing himself? It gets to me, man. It gets to me. (And while we're on the topic of parents, Faust's mom yelling in the background while he's getting arrested? Oh lord)

The Varg/Euro tension while they played with Atilla??? Hello???

Blackthorn decorating Varg's room for when the interviewers come by is also something I think about a lot. It doesn't fuck me up in the same way the others do, but I love that little scene. And him offering tea at possibly the worst time

They were sharing the same brain cell in this scene fr

The ending will always fuck me up the most. The shots of them all having fun intercut with Varg/Blackthorn/Faust getting arrested, Euronymous' memorial, etc. If you want to be really emotionally unwell, I highly suggest listening to this while watching it.

Everyone's reactions were sooooo good too

If you want something depressing to think about too, you can think about the fact Necrobutcher was probably just finally moving on from Pelle's death, only for Euronymous to die as well.

[bookwyrminspiration]

also revisiting. GALEN AND QOWN???? was NOT expecting that turn but bro look at them (looks at them with the utmost tenderness) how are they so sweet. how does that even happen. i am so happy for them *blasting them with the joy of a thousand suns* i just like. OUGH. and getting to see GALEN first of all i really did forget about thaena for a hot minute in the first half of the memory of souls but getting to see him this ENTIRE BOOK was a fucking TREAT and to see him grown, or just free, and happy, and in a lavender marriage (but also just like the platonic marriage, the sheer care between him and sheloran is so beautiful) and just thriving in what he wants and what his wife wants and being able to actually love someone romantically so hard that it makes him vulnerable. it was SO gorgeous SUCH a solid character and then QOWN CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT! discovering that he is fucking!!!! worthy of love and care and someone who will remind him to eat and care enough to make sure that he Can eat and people who respect his fucking boundaries!!!! that scene when caless (i can't remember her mortal name haha. the high lady d'talus) was like you should have told me to go fuck myself for calling you ugly and changing everything about you. who did this to you that you don't even bother to give a shit? ohhhh man. when i tell you the sheloran scene after vol karoth pulled galen out of the lighthouse made me cry i am so so serious i was sobbing right along with qown. i think all of the other things about this book were beautiful but also a thing i could have expected to happen whereas the qown and galen arc absolutely threw me for a loop emotion wise as in: despite starting this out realizing quickly it was going to be a therapy session for the characters i was not expecting there to be something about self love and acceptance in here that was just. so genuinely soft. obviously there is hurt and fear and so much pain but the two of them are so gentle with each other, yk??? also i (like janel) assumed qown was old and going to be a side character forever! glad to know this was not the case ESPECIALLY when it brought us this

Neither was I! Like you, i thought that when we left Galen in book 1 that we'd never see him again, but lo and behold he's actually got quite the role to play! Was bursting at the seams trying not to say anything when you mentioned being sad we'd probably never see him again.

We knew from book 1 Galen was queer, but was not expecting religious man who's life has fallen apart has internalized homophobia and faces it to chase his happiness. I made a post when reading this book that Qown desperately needed a hug and I stand by that statement. He is such a wet rag of a man for a hot minute there. He really is put through the works emotionally. And it's both adorable and heartbreaking how oblivious he was to all of Galen's flirting and attempts to win his heart.

And Galen and Sheloran! When she was first introduced I thought she'd be an unimportant mentioned-once character (likely because of what Senera noted, which was that Thurvishar edited her role in his first volume to protect her), so I was quite surprised to see her here. But I adore her so. Her passion, her charm, her positivity, her drive. Her and Galen's friendship is so touching, I'm so glad they found each other. The only two good royals in the world <3

And that Caless scene...man. A little obvious in it's "hey look at what this implies about Qown and his self-worth" but I appreciate it because I very well might have overlooked that the first time otherwise. He was just so lost and so confused and so used. His entire life was a lie and all he wanted was to make it better, and Relos Var promised a way. He wanted so badly for that to be real

Qown and Galen are so soft and tender with each other, they've both been so hurt for who they are but despite that they've found each other and been brave enough to risk it. Though really it was a phenomenally bad time to risk it making out in the mind of a quasi-dead god while under attack.

Another thing it highlights for me is how diverse the characters personalities are? Because Qown's mental voice and perception is so different from how everyone else functions--you'd never imagine janel thinking anything like this, for example. So as heartbreaking as it is to see what he thinks, at the same time I'm nodding in appreciation at the variation in character voices

[fragileizywriting]

I posted 2,008 times in 2022

That's 1,269 more posts than 2021!

1,634 posts created (81%)

374 posts reblogged (19%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@fragileizy

@fragileizywriting

I tagged 1,812 of my posts in 2022

Only 10% of my posts had no tags

#speakizys - 1,645 posts

#demon lovin - 779 posts

#fire lily petals - 510 posts

#sharks and sugar - 319 posts

#locker talk - 139 posts

#izycrossover - 105 posts

#the ot3 server is bullying me - 25 posts

#talking about [redacted] - 15 posts

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#anyway - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#‘i don’t even know your name. i don’t even know when your birthday is. i don’t know how your eyes light up when someone you love calls you’

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

“Why did you give me this, Adrien?” she asks, rather small.

“Oh. Oh, uhm. Do you not like it?” He turns to her, finally looking away from the tank, his gaze meeting hers. His eyes look almost brown, so dark, yet so readable. She can’t even look away. “I thought you’d like this. I thought, you know, since you always talk about how much you want to see sharks all the time, I thought maybe we could—”

“You’re right, I do—”

“—see the sharks together?—”

“Correct. Adrien, this is— holy hell. This is perfect—” she bites her lip so that a cry can’t get out, pinching her eyes tight. Her eyelids squeeze, strong enough for color to blur and blend into nothing but white, tears streaking down her hexleather and touching her bare skin. She hiccups when there’s a thumb on her jaw, warm, wiping right where the seam of the hexleather meets skin.

“It doesn’t feel like it’s all that perfect when you’re crying,” he murmurs.

He has no idea. He has no idea that she’s paralyzed. In fear, in desperation, wanting to tell him every single little thing and knowing not to— she’ll ruin everything— she’ll ruin their entire friendship— if she tells him that she loves him so much that it hurts to breathe. 

She loves him so much that it hurts to breathe.

Oh, oh, and the thought of that admission is what gets her to sob, watching his outline haze into nothing but yellows and dark greens as she gasps out, something sharp and something desperate, clinging to breath on its edges with nothing but serrated claws.

“It is perfect,” she sobs. “This is the greatest thing anyone’s ever given me.”

“Then what’s wrong, Kitty?” he asks her as she leans into his hand, cupping him by the wrist. Wishing so hard to be able to feel his hand without the hexleather in the way. “Why are you crying?”

“B-because I—” she shudders again. No. Don’t. Don’t ruin it. Don’t ruin the only thing left in life that makes sense. That makes everything worthwhile. “Because y-you make me so happy, Sunshine. I can’t believe you got us to have the aquarium all to ourselves tonight— I can’t believe you did this for me. I can’t believe that you’d do this for me.”

“Of course I would.” He gives her a little smile. Just brief. Just enough for her to see it through her swimming vision. “You’re my best friend, and I love you.”

21 notes - Posted May 8, 2022

#4

ALL OF THAT WRITING FOR FLP AND STILL ONLY 233 PAGES? JESUS >:(

23 notes - Posted December 7, 2022

#3

blanche is my sweet little darling and i love her. she's allowed to maim as a treat and deserves kisses from one (1) adrien (and maybe one (1) luka if she's vulnerable enough)

30 notes - Posted November 13, 2022

#2

"who, him? no, my familiar is harmless!"

(he is very much not harmless!)

Want to know more of this AU? Click Here

someone in the ot3 server asked what chat looked like and i don't have any art because drawing men makes me miserable (more than drawing in general, honestly, because of my problems with holding pencils). HOWEVER.

i had art from 2018/19 from when this au was first conceptualized, but it was only a shitty png version of it as the psd file had gotten corrupted... i redrew parts of this to fit the au as it is now. it's not perfect, and i wanted to change some more things, but my hand... ough. i cannot draw more. my hand is on fire... but i wanted to show you what i have at the moment before i forget.

i wish i could change marinette's hair to black in this, but since chat is already void, it would just look messy. i'm sure if i were more talented i'd figure something out, but for now, let's just all pretend that her hair is black in this. not as dark as The Void that is Chat. also, i don't think anyone noticed this in the original story, but marinette's eye color is never talked about. i wanted to give her blue eyes only when she's using magic, because it would make her look cooler, but i got lazy super quickly when drawing this. i guess that's fine. i had a lot of people question why i changed a marinette's eye color the last time i tried it, so...

anyway, i need to take a nap ToT

40 notes - Posted April 25, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

she just slathers herself in it, up until it starts to hurt, hissing to herself as she uses her knuckles to roll tightened flesh. maybe 'slather' is too harsh of a word, but butters herself is definitely applicable-- gah! no! no thinking about butter! no food, not yet, not until she's taken care of herself the way she needs to.

shower? done.

wash hair? done.

exfoliate? done.

deodorant? done.

pajamas? done.

she still has a skin-care routine to go through, all six steps to make sure she's hydrated but not enough to where she's breaking out into hives and reddened skin. it's a delicate balance, one that she's spent so long trying to fix, and if this ruins her night she's about to crash and burn and start kicking and screaming into her pillow.

dinner be damned.

breathe. breathe. it's okay. things are fine. just a long day, that's all, there's no need for the knots to form in her shoulders. she's tired, she's hungry, she's aching for luka's attention, and she wants to smooth out the knots in her thighs before he's back upstairs.

"do you want some help, mousey?"

she blinks tears out of her eyes. "no, no-- i-- i can do this, it's fine, everything's... fine."

breathe. breathe. things are fine. everything is fine. her parents are thankful that she helped out in the bakery today, her grades in school are fine, her boyfriend isn't upset with her, all the kwamis are full and mullo is flying around with a basket of blueberries right behind her, gorging out on a meal before her parents go watch a movie together...

why is she so stressed out?

"i know you can," luka approaches cautiously. she looks up at him with a huff, eyes tired, pouting before she can even stop herself. he sits in front of her, right at the foot of her bed on the cat-shaped floor cushion. "but that doesn't look comfortable. you're hurting yourself like that."

"luka..."

"breathe." she inhales on command, exhaling to the side so she doesn't accidentally move his bangs with her breath. "again."

she does.

"good?"

"good."

"lightheaded?"

"no."

"feeling weird?"

"i don't think so. aside from... i don't know. this." she points to everything about her.

"tell me what's wrong, beautiful."

"i'm tired," marinette sighs out, like it's a justification for the way she's been treating herself. her hands are ringing from how much friction she's used against it, even with all the lotion, she's completely and totally overstimulated. "everything is so much right now."

"i know."

"a long shift on my poor feet--"

he lifts her leg up to place in his lap. "yeah."

"and, and-- and school."

"mmm."

See the full post

47 notes - Posted January 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[abyssal-endling]

any common threads in ur favorite characters/media?

ough. okay so i definitely love unhinged characters, himbos, and redheads. lets start there.

characters with family issues i definitely tend to lean towards. ones with trouble opening up or allowing themselves to rely on others, ones who feel things intensely, ones who push themselves to help others to the point of it harming them, disabled characters. Also, things that symbolize trauma

But I also adore characters that find beauty in small things.

(cw under the cut for csa/cocsa, suicide, self harm, depression, ptsd)

Spoilers for Silent Hill 2, Hollow Knight, Resident Evil, Yume Nikki, Gacha Game Impact

one of my favorite characters is Angela Orosco from Silent Hill 2. She was one of the first I ever saw myself in, too, at age 8 or so. A monster designed for Angela in the game is the Abstract Daddy- representational of the abuse she suffered at the hands of her brother and father, and there's a room that also represents what she endured as well. Angela ends up committing suicide later in the game, something that destroyed me when I played this game because I so desperately wanted her to happy ending. In my mind, if she could have one, I could, too.

Yume Nikki has a LOT of symbolism for abuse as well, and obviously Madotsuki dies at the end as well.

Resident Evil. God. Chris Redfield loses SO many people he cares for. The other members of STARS, Jill (albeit temporarily, but you see how it affects him in 5), Piers and the others on Alpha Team. In 6, Chris literally talks about how he wants to retire, how he's done. But he keeps going because Piers turns himself to save Chris. He looks noticeably more tired in each game. He didn't want his sister to follow in his footsteps, but that didn't work out.

Hollow Knight itself has a death grip on me, I love this game so much. Elderbug is the last one in Dirtmouth and he's SO appreciative when you talk to him. Quirrel slowly dying, enjoying the places in the world. Cloth wishing to die in battle to be reunited with her lover, sacrificing herself to aid you in battle. Myla, mining away and singing, even as infection takes over her. Cornifer has a line "we are extraordinarily lucky, you and I," regarding how you and he get to explore the world. Hornet, losing everyone, being the last protector of the kingdom, taking a moment to mourn her mother. Hollow, who loved their father so much, calling out to him with the Dreamnail and actively stabbing themselves in your fight.

Silly gacha game affected me with the storyline of a child who was sacrificed and is caught in a timeloop. You cannot save him, no matter how many times you go through the loop. And he's okay with it. He says it's okay that he'll die. You cannot save him. Another character befriends you and dies from trying to become strong enough to help you. One of the player characters fell into the game's equivalent of hell as a kid and his eyes no longer reflect light because of it, and he swears to never let his siblings' dreams die, even if it causes him himself extreme pain or death. Another player character became a zombie, but forgets things, and she doesn't remember her parents, or those she knew prior to her death thousands of years ago, while a third is in constant pain but refuses to let himself be near others for their own safety.

There's a lot of others, too. Characters that are deemed weird by other characters, or are outcasts. Father Grigori in Half Life? He's been driven mad, and he comes to help you, most likely sacrificing himself in the process. (We don't actually know for sure what happens but) Ethan Winters in Resident Evil loves so much that he survives for way longer than he should have. Houston being an outcast both in Payday AND in the community AND family problems. Vlad is crazy, an outcast, but he loves. He mentions how everything is fine as long as Harjudin is safe in Ukrainian Prisoner, and asks multiple times what's going on with Bain. Roderika in Elden Ring ough... There's a lot of characters that mean a lot to me.

I don't think I actually answered this but essentially characters and media that use symbolism in various ways, that explore trauma and/or show, appreciate smaller things, and find love in hidden places mean a lot to me

[the-whispers-of-death]

many thoughts... all of them about the mafia au...

so like if in the god!mafia au reader is goat coded (or cat coded when i draw my sona) and stone is wolf/dog coded... what about kali. cuz he is not exempt from the list of characters i need to creature-ify or deity-fy

and like. furthermore... theyve been in the mafia for like 20+ years, in this shit together with the mafia boss!reader. so theres obviously some attachment and protective feelings going on there between the 3 of them. and. ough. imagine how much it'd amplify if it was only kali and stone who got turned into deities. like. hi yes please id like 2 big boys for myself. and. do visible heart-eyes at them. and maybe call them my good boys.. augh... my heart... i swear im not a monsterfucker im not a monsterfucker im not a monsterfucker im not- (<- me when i lie)

(this is seperate from the god thing, just regular human mafia) i wanna cause problems on purpose and. maybe one day kali and reader are overworked to hell, stuck behind the desk all day, but even at that, its not enough time. and maybe one of the goons is like "hey, stones basically got a day off. why doesnt he stand-in for kali for the drug trafficking? its a tonna heavy lifting and he could do that" and like maybe reader is just 1 gust of wind away from totally breaking cuz of how busy everything has been for the business lately. and that was that. maybe his response is just like. a quiet ".. god fucking damnit..." cuz he *knows* he cant ask stone for that, the answer will always be no. and maybe he squeezes that small amount of time in and does everything himself. he does everything on the days to-do list. at the cost of returning back to the sleeping rooms of the compound at like 4am, barely standing, and just glaring at both stone and kali. and maybe he locks the doors to his bedroom and crashes, waking up at like 2pm the next day to 2 overgrown puppies standing guard at the door. (i hc that reader doesnt lock the doors overnight in case of emergencies. and the only times he does is when theyre over in hornytown OR hes so exhausted and overwhelmed he doesnt even wanna look at anyone. and hes the only one with the key). i feel like overnight kali and stone would be together and on guard. and maybe this is the very first time this has happened so theyre both annoyed at eachother over things that they cant control

~ rusty

Criminal!Kali: I'm not a puppy.

Criminal!Stone: Oh but I am.

I don't know what that was, but I had to type that out. (Kali, please for the love of God, release some of the control you so desperately need.)

Anyways I think both ideas are so juicy. Especially the one where you're overworked, because Criminal!Stone would be pouting outside your door when you woke up and then a foot away from the door would be a sleeping Criminal!Kali who is leaning against the wall. (He couldn't leave Stone pouting outside your door all night.)

[piplupod]

sandman is SPECTACULAR if you havent watched it yet! i will warn you there are some Disturbing parts and maybe steer clear of "24/7" bc its just. oh god. but other than that GOD its so good lol

i want to watch it DESPERATELY but i looked at the doesthedogdie page for it and i think its too much gore for me to stomach rn :''') i also have a friend who watched it and they know me really well and they said that i should probably wait until i'm in a more stable mental spot but i am WAILING because it is SUCH a cool looking show and i think i'd absolutely love the plot and characters OUGH

i might microdose it by watching like ten mins at a time but. i know i won't be able to stop myself from watching more so dsghjkl i think i just have to avoid it rn until i'm doing a bit better

BUT IT IS ABSOLUTELY ON MY RADAR AND LIST!!! rest assured i WILL watch it at some point, i just have to keep myself safe as best i can unfortunately fsdgjkl

[tamakissimp]

headcanons- indestructable s/o

summary: they have a s/o with an indestructable quirk who likes to get into dangerous situations.

request: anon - HI! can you do some headcanons of Todoroki, bakugo and izuku having a s/o that have an indestructible quirks, they do crazy and dangerous stuff for fun. Like the boys are watching the news and see their s/o is surfing a massive wave during a hurricane.

characters: todorki, bakugou and izuku

warnings: dangerous situations, lightning, electricity, a knife, fluff, cursing

𝕥𝕠𝕕𝕠𝕣𝕜𝕚 

𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕕𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥: 𝟜𝟟𝟙

He would be scared shitless, honestly. You're the one person he cares about and who he feels comfortable around so the moment he sees you doing dangerous stuff, he goes into protective mode.

He loves the smile on your face and how giddy you get from the adrenaline but he doesn't like how you only get so giddy in life-threatening situations.

You do a lot of dumb stuff. Running through walls, skydiving, running out and about during hurricanes.

Shoto won't show it, but he is always stressed out. While his face is stoic he is mentally freaking out.

"Get out," Shoto says. You ignore him by diving down under the water. Swimming in a rooftop pool during a thunderstorm is thrilling, to say the least. Shoto keeps his distance from the pool. All he wants to do is dive into the water and drag you out of the pool. But while you could take the potential electrocution, he can't.

You pop back above the water. You look up at Shoto with a goofy smile. While he tries to remain calm you can see the anxiety in his eyes. "Please, you'll catch a cold," he says. Sure, like that's the worse thing that can happen.

"But it's so nice," you whine. You look up at the sky. Thick clouds roll through the sky as the roaring thunder above you only grows tenfold. Lightning catches onto the building next to you.

Shoto's eyes grow wide as saucers as a pale, yellow light illuminates the rooftop. You look beautiful, angelic even. You look at peace in a situation that should send cold shivers up your spine.

"Get out of the pool. Come on," Shoto says. His voice grows more desperate. You dive under the cool water once again. His voice is barely audible under the thick water. You push yourself down until you’re sitting on the bottom of the pool.

Suddenly, lightning strikes down in the pool. Shoto's body grows rigged. He knows your fine, you always are. But situations like these always send panic through his body.

You pop up out of the water again. You swim over to the edge of the pool and push yourself out of it. Giggles fall over your lips. Your nerves are tingling from the electricity and your adrenaline is pumping through your veins. Shoto runs over you, grabs the towel you threw on the ground and wraps it around your body.

"That was awesome!" you say. Shoto drags you along with him he walks to the door leading inside the building.

"Don't do stupid shit like that again," he says. All you can do is nod and giggle some more. He knew you wouldn't stop. He wouldn't want you to stop when it brings you this much excitement. He just wants you to be more careful.

✨bonus✨

'Shoto," Izuku calls out. Shoto hums before turning around to look at his friend. His eyes grow once he catches sight of the television screen Izuku is looking at.

Shoto quickly stands up and walks closer to the screen. Both boys listen to the news reporter while staring at the screen.

'The storm is expected to last for another day. While people have been advised to stay inside, some have been seeking out the thrill of the storm," the voice says.

Images of warsh waves are displayed on the screen. Water crashed down onto itself. On top of the immense waves, you are surfing like you aren't in a life-threatening situation.

A smile is plastered on your face as you enjoy the cool breeze buzzing around you. "T-That's Y/n," Izuku says. Shoto nods. He grabs the remote from Izuku and turns the volume of the television up.

Shoto sits down on the couch standing in front of the television. "I wasn't expecting less of them," he says as he stares at the screen. A smile tugs on his lips at the sight of you smiling and carelessly riding the waves. God, you looked adorable when you smile.

𝕓𝕒𝕜𝕦𝕘𝕠𝕦

𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕕𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥: 𝟜𝟜𝟞

He pretends like he doesn't care much about your doings. He has to keep up his tough-guy act after all. But once you two are alone, he lets that all slip.

Bakugou tells you about his fears that one day your quirk won't be able to save you.

That being said though, he loves seeing you and Kirishima do dumb shit together.

Seeing the person he loves and his best friend run around like giggling toddlers even makes someone as grumpy as him smile. If anyone points it out though, he'll kill them.

"Do it again, do it again!" you say as you stand up from the ground. Laughs erupt through the air as you and Kirishima jump around Denki. The electric blond laughs along with you.

Denki holds out both hands and you and Kirishima both grab one. Waves of electricity roll through your bodies, sending you two flying backwards into the nearest wall. It stays silent for a bit before Kirishima sits up straight while laughing his ass off.

Bakugou sits in the corner of the room, eyeing you three. Seeing you get shocked over and over again makes his blood run cold but the laughs you let out afterwards make it all worth it. You turn your head towards him, eyes locking.

Another laugh falls off your lips while a blush dusts over Bakugou's cheeks. "Baku," you call out to him. "Baby, come over here!". Bakugou rolls his eyes and groans but gets up from his spot none the less. You stay seated on the ground, leaning against the now broken wall.

Bakugou stands in front of you, towering over you. He crouches down in front of you. "What?" he sneers. You reach a hand out towards him. He gets the note and grabs a hold of it and lifts you off the ground.

You wipe the dust off your pants before looking up at him with a goofy smile. "There's a storm tonight and Kiri and I are gonna go surfing," you say. No, that's dangerous, Bakugou thinks. "Wanna come with us?".

"Sure. Someone will have to look after you to idiots.". You just shake your head at him. You lay your hand on his cheek, pulling him towards you before placing a quick kiss on his lips. His body melts at your touch. The kiss lasts way to short for him.

Bakugou wants nothing more than to pull you back against his body and snuggle into you. But he won't do that in front of his friends so he lets you pull away. You ruffle his hair before running over to your other friends.

"Denki," you say. "I wanna go again!".

𝕚𝕫𝕦𝕜𝕦

𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕕𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥: 𝟝𝟡𝟠

Saying that he hates it would be an understatement. Every time you do dangerous stuff, he cries. He doesn't want to but he does.

But at the same time, he doesn't want to stop you from doing the things you like. You don't stop him from being a hero while he breaks his bones every other day.

Izuku likes to be there when you go into dangerous situations, just to keep you save. When you want to run around during a hurricane, he is there with you. When you want to go swimming during a flood, he is there with you. When you want to surf during a tsunami, you bet your ass that he is there with you.

Afterwards, expect the endless amount of cuddles and affection. He doesn't care where or when he just wants to hold you.

Izuku's hand grips tightly onto yours. How the hell did you reel him into this? "Come on, 'Zuku," you say. If he wasn't so scared, he would blush at the nickname. "If he is actually real, you can catch him and be a hero.".

"Puppy, we're talking about a murderous villain here," he says. You just shrug at him. You slip your hand from his and opt to hold onto his arm instead.

You two walk through the dark for a bit. A comfortable silence hangs over you. Your thumb rubs soothing circles over his arm. It's quite ironic how a fearless UA student like him is more scared than you are.

All of a sudden, a hand jumps out and wraps you of off Izuku. You look up to see the villain. Huh, so he's real after all. You can see the outline of a knife in the hand of the villain.

Izuku screams out your name as the villain lifts the knife up. The knife gets pushed to your chest with an immense force, though it does nothing to you.

You look down at the knife. The point of bend sideways. Not even a bruise or dumb appeared on your skin. You let out a giggle at the confusions on the guys face. "What the fuck," the villain mutter.

He looks back up you. "It's my quirk, bitch," you say before decking him right on his jaw. He stumbles back, letting the now destroyed knife drop to the ground. You kick it away from him and land another hit on his face. The times, he gets knocked unconscious.

You give the guy a soft kick against his ribs. "That's for cutting up my favourite shirt," you say. You turn back around to look at Izuku. His body is shaking and his eyes are wide. He doesn't waste a second before running over to you and pulling you in for a bone-crushing hug.

"Puppy, a-are you okay? Did he h-hurt you? P-please, say you're alright," Izuku rambles. "Why d-did you do t-that? That was d-dangerous. You're n-not hurt, right? You're okay. You a-always are.".

You nod against his shoulder, lacing your fingers through his hair. His body softens as he hears giggles fall off your lips. "I'm okay. I'm not hurt," you say. Izuku nods before pulling away slightly.

His arms are still wrapped around you but he now uses on hand to grab his phone. "I'm calling Aizawa-Sensai. C-Can you sleep in my dorm t-tonight?" he asks.

You nod at him before nuzzling your head into the crook of his neck. "I'll sleep with you," you say. His cheeks heat up at the slightly provocative sentence. "Not like that. Get your mind out of the gutter.".

[amelia]

related to that last ask but now i actually have a question! what are your favourite episodes for amy as a character? (sorry if i’m pestering you btw you don’t have to answer right away ❣️)

it is absolutely never a bother for me to talk about amy pond!! gosh though this is a Question. okay. i did interpret this as episodes that are my favorite for the lens of My Understanding Of Amy instead of favorite pond era episodes as a whole if that makes sense? under the cut bc i got long as i tend to do

i think my number 1 has to be the big bang, because it really is just like. okay, pond era absolutely runs into the problem of frequently making stories/episodes that should be centered around amy's emotional journey actually about somebody else — but the big bang is all hers. it is all on her! she's leading the show SHE'S the one in the pandorica SHE'S the one who remembers the doctor into existence it is HER choice to say goodbye to leadworth and continue to travel completely without remorse SHE IS THE HERO. it goes from "time can be rewritten, he'll find a way" to AMY being the one who finds the way. rory and river and the doctor all of course get their Moments but it's unquestionably amy's spotlight moment the whole way through

i have also ALWAYSSS been obsessed with starless universe amelia and the way that she still believes in stars in a world where they DON'T EXIST the power of her mind and the conviction of her beliefs is a CORE TENET of amy's character, the doctor has NOTHING to do with it!!! it's just who she is !!! best character of all time <3

other things about the amy's writing in this episode i love: the line "the universe pouring into her dreams every night," space florida outfit <3, ok i obviously do not love this but i think so much about amy talking about the doctor at her wedding and her mother is still like "NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN… i thought the psychiatrists FIXED her" like once again !!! a UNIVERSAL CONSTANT that amy is the one who believes in things nobody else does and is LOUD about it and is RIGHT !!! (let's kill hitler tried to retcon this but it simply won't work on me ❤️ just like anything else about the let's kill hitler flashbacks ❤️❤️❤️), OKAY DOCTOR DID I SURPRISE YOU THIS TIME? <3

number 2, i think, is the eleventh hour itself? like it's just… i've rewatched it so many times and it's still the most captivating character introduction i have ever seen. i know i'm biased but i love it so much. her introduction as a clearly neglected seven year old girl (constantly think about the deleted line that has her talking to aunt sharon and saying "you're not supposed to leave me, i'm seven!" WOOF) who's not afraid of anything except for the crack in her wall… she has drawings up all over her house of burning houses, she draws smiley faces into her apples bc her mom used to do that, she can cook for herself way better than i could at seven, and she desperately just wants to leave. but when the doctor tells her he'll be back in five minutes, amy is already so used to adults leaving her and breaking their promises that she doesn't believe him. but he makes her believe anyway. and he doesn't come back.

and all of the rest of her character hinges on that introduction — of course she has to believe him, he was REAL, nobody can take his realness away from her even if she is the only one who believes. but he also left her all alone for so long, just like everyone else who was supposed to be there for her did, so what good does that to her? so yeah of course she grows up angry and bitter and hiding those layers of hurt deeply under the surface, scorning all attachment and serious relationships because she knows she can't trust them. she outwardly distances herself from her childhood self by changing her name but she IS still just such a child inside.

she's not ready to settle, to grow up, to become what everyone in her tiny village wants her to be, thinks that she should be — so when she gets the chance to GO, of course she takes it. but she's also not just going to let the doctor off the hook for [gestures] her entire life, you know? the exchanges "people always say that" "i'm not people, do i even look like people?" | "people always have a reason" "do i look like people?" "Yes." always just GUT ME. she may trust him but it's NOT a blind trust, it can't be.

number 3 has to be the beast below it just makes me SCREAM how good that episode is at really developing amy through her compassion for other people — right from the start she sees that kid crying and she thinks the doctor must ignore stuff like this all the time, and she says that she could never do that. she's learning and intuiting leaps and bounds about the doctor with everything he says to her — which is another one of my favorite amy character traits, the way she is SO quick to pick up on things about other people and analyze them. everything that she picks up about the doctor allows her to KNOW what to do to save the star whale, allows her to be confident in the fact that the star whale wanted to help the whole time. the choice is IN HER HANDS she IS THE HERO <3 as she always should be. you couldn't just stand there and watch people cry! all that pain and misery and loneliness and it MADE IT KIND. i don't care how overused that quote is it still HITS !!!

um. number 4 is the girl who waited but my very specific headcanon-ridden interpretation and cutting out all that garbage "rory's the most beautiful man i've ever met" "defying destiny causality the nexus of time itself for a boy" bullshit. idk there's so many terrible things about this episode but it also gave me so much to think about when it comes to amy it's on my mind a LOT. one thing i think about is the way it parallels amy's first abandonment by the doctor — not just in the obvious sense but in the way that she's actively fighting for her life in a hostile atmosphere, but nobody else SEES it as a hostile atmosphere. the two streams facility is leadworth like it really is. and what adds a more chilling component is the way the handbots signature line is "do not be alarmed, this is a kindness" — like all the people who were trying to convince amy she was crazy throughout her entire childhood really thought they were doing her a kindness. they thought they were helping her. but they were killing her. because she wasn't made for that environment.

beyond that i am just obsessed with 36-years-later amy she is an icon she is a legend she is the moment i don't care! every mean thing she said about the doctor and rory was absolutely deserved and in fact she should have been so much meaner! she is SO SMART she makes her own SONIC PROBES OUT OF CAMERA PHONES the fact that she even was able to SURVIVE THAT LONG and in COMPLETE isolation and still retain her own mental faculties is just insane to me it speaks so much about her insane mental strength oh my god it makes me sooo emotional i am tearing up a little typing this right now.

i just am always THINKING about the line "there he is, the voice of god. number one lesson: survive, because no one's coming for you. you taught me that" it says SO MUCH about her. oh my god older amy didn't want to die she'll be kicking and screaming and fighting til the end… i fucking hate this show and picking and choosing when paradoxes should apply OLDER AMY DESERVED TO LIVE

number 5 is probably the power of three but my own very headcanon infused interpretation of it. because it's like. the ultimate miscommunication/misunderstanding that exists between amy and the doctor coming to a head. where amy in 7.02 is like "i can't not wait for you, even now. (…) we think you're weaning us off you" (that line always makes me slow exhale … the phrasing of the doctor as a drug) and the doctor keeps insisting that's not true, "you'll be there until the end of me" "or vice versa" (and they have that loaded held stare and you know they're both thinking about what he said to her before he left in the god complex…)

but it's not until this episode where amy starts to actually believe he means it. at the same time she's spent so much TIME preparing for the inevitable moment where the doctor says goodbye and doesn't say hello ever again that she's not willing to fully hope that the doctor really means it when he says that he would never leave her permanently on purpose. and i love that this episode gives amy a lot of space to verbally communicate her emotions because the later pond episodes SORELY LACK THAT. and amy tells him, don't be nice to me, don't stop coming around just because you think that's the kind thing to do. even though she says herself that she doesn't know if she can have "both" — she knows that she can tell the doctor to stay, in her own way, and that he'll listen.

ideally they would have just gone off traveling together forever after that and the angels take manhattan did not happen but unlike what the doctor says about amy, i don't ever get what i want 🙃

also, this episode gave amy friends that weren't rory or the doctor or river so i love it for that on principal <3 i know amy had fun being the bridesmaid at laura's lesbian wedding. and kate!!

( i do hate that this episode ends with that conversation between brian and the doctor. i hate brian as a character and i will forever. won't get into this right now but OUGH )

honestly this list is kind of wobbly and might change if you asked me in a month so i'll just rattle off other favorite episodes / moments real quickly: the good night minisode (it counts!), RIVER SONG DIDN'T GET IT ALL FROM YOU SWEETIE (timeline frozen amy my beloved!), "i remember it so it happened so i did it," vincent and the doctor specifically when vincent tells amy that he hears the song of her sadness…. ow, i could write a whole other essay about amy's choice and how it is so much more complex than people give it credit for but this post is already so goddamn long

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 9

back at it again, and its time for the shadowplay arc, HELL yeah

oh I'm so excited i love this arc lets DO this

oooh its nightbeat and quark!! way before they become relevant, which is so cool

‘one of those recepticon fanatics’ lmao imagine if they were...the recepticons. just doesn't have the same ring to it 

god i fucking love all the politics of mtmte. i love how they’re talking about the senate here before we really get to See how bad they were (we heard a bit about it from whirl a few issues ago, and now here)

love how nightbeat is pretty much agreeing with the decepticon ideology here, even if its clear that he isn't Actually a decepticon - it just drives home the fact that, in this story, The Decepticons Were Right About A Lot Of That Stuff (or at least, they had a reason other than ‘destruction’ for rebelling). 

AND THEN THERES RUNG!!!!!!! WITH HIS MODEL OF THE LOST LIGHT....god i fuckgin LOVE the continuity in this story bc the first time reading this ur like oh ok rung is old yea makes sense...but then later all the time travel stuff happens and then its like OHHHHH 

damn poor rung nightbeat can rlly tell he's lonely just by looking at him vbhjdkdfhbjsjkdf geez. also nightbeat that's ur mystery stick bf from the future js!!

quarks extreme POV on all of the stuff is so interesting, and makes so much sense bc of Course he would think that as a non-combatant scientist who, due to his functional value in current society, wouldn't really benefit much from a revolution - in fact, he’d probably lose a lot. and that’s the sort of thing where you’re like, ok well think about everyone else dude, have some perspective - but at the same time, quark did suffer a pretty terrible fate, so his fears weren't entirely unfounded...augh, its so fascinating...im sorry I'm not gonna shut up about space robot politics this Entire time

HOW did nobody notice that dead body before now

ratchet spray-painting the hands he stole from pharma to match his own paintjob is like...kinda gruesome if you think about it hvbhsjkdfbkjdf

i love rewind sooo much oh my god 

he rlly stashed rung’s comatose body in a wheelchair behind the bar hbkjdhfbshjkdf rewind 

rewind and chromedome’s tag-team explanation....ough hhhhh THEM 

wait a sec, rewind, you have medical records in your database? that is, at least according to regular medical laws, very illegal lmao. my favorite long-running theme in mtmte: the fact that hipaa and osha laws on cybertron are either basically nonexistent, or just universally disregarded 

what the actual fuck is up w/cybertronian time units. that shit is wack as hell 

ooh i love how chromedome looks different in the flashback - no shoulder tires! - that's a cool detail

how come prowl just said ‘minute,’ rewind was busting it up w/all the wack ass fantasy time units just a second ago. geez

also goddd i love the scenery of pre-war cybertron, its SUCH a cool setting like, visually and aesthetically and politically

like, i adore details like the sign in the bg that says ‘everyone’s shape serves a purpose.’ really adds to the ‘society on the precipice of civil war currently controlled by an increasingly-desperate faction who are doling out propaganda like crazy in an attempt to maintain their image and control over the populace’ vibe

good ole murder mystery setup. love it!

pre-war prowl is such an interesting character. actually prowl in general is such an interesting character...I kinda wrote him off during my first read of mtmte (and even a little during my second readthru) as just this dude who’s an asshole (espec bc my prev tf experience involved watching tfa as a kid, and this prowl is very different from tfa prowl lol)...but prowl is SUCH a multi-faceted and interesting character, even in the relatively little we see of him in mtmte 

plus it was interesting to learn later that prowl was one of the characters that jro wanted for mtmte and didn't get, and MAN i wish he got prowl bc I would've loved to see what jro would've done w/prowl on the lost light, that would've been amazing. like, just imagine the arc he would have...I have no idea what that arc would BE, but I know it would be awesome. plus I’d be really interested to see how prowl would factor in, relationships-wise, amongst the crew of the lost light. so much potential!

anyways. I'm in a very talky mood tonight it seems. its currently 4 am so that kinda explains it. ok, moving on!

chromedome and prowl bantering....in their own morbid forensic-cop way...

skids bvhjdbsfjasf. speaking what we’re all thinking: is prowl gonna keep showing up in mtmte despite not technically being part of the cast??

swerves drawing of prowl lmaoooo

AND THEN REWIND IN SOME OF MY FAVORITE MTMTE PANELS....fuckgin cracks me up every time god. rewind was rlly about to flip their entire ass table just to demonstrate that prowl is a serial table-flipper...and then he cant even make the table budge and he just stares at his hands like ‘how could you betray me like this’ hvbajkhhsfdhksdf PEAK hilarity

drift hvbshfdjbasdfj his forcibly cheery expression even tho he’s being harassed by rodimus, who is a big whiny toddler w/drift lmao 

rodimus is the type of guy who, upon drift not replying to one of his texts, would post a whole twitter thread being all like ‘these days u cant trust any1 to hav ur back...u think u kno someone and then they just ghost you...(1/14)’

again, rewind, HOW and WHY do you just Have medical reports, oh my god, somebody please call a hipaa agent I’m scared, 

ratchet interrupting the story to give a quick medical PSA....that's Such an on-brand thing for Me to do that I feel like jro is assigning me ratchet kin as I read this

also, hey, its sonic and boom, those two decepticons from delphi! nice little continuity there

AND HERES ORION PAX SUPER COP

can’t believe idw made my dad optimus prime into a cop. smh. shouldn't be that shocked tho, I feel like half the idw characters are cops

orion rlly hit them w/the omae wa mo shinderu arrest strat

orion: I cant believe you're beating this guy up. anyways, now I'm gonna beat YOU up,

when ratchet puts his hand over drifts mouth and then gets spray paint on drifts face bhjdfsvsdjhfgbjdskf

pre-war ratchet and drift ;_; ratchet’s little inspirational speech...the fact that he tells drift that he’s special...the fact that drift remembered all of this even after 4 million+ yrs...it gets me bro it GETS me

ALSO the layers in the fact that drift then goes on to become a well-known murderous decepticon...so this little scene of him and ratchet in the past gives a lot of context to ratchet’s general attitude towards drift - ratchet clearly feels at least somewhat responsible for all the blood on drift’s hands, since he saved drift’s life way back in the day

the whole relinquishment clinic thing is such cool worldbuilding, bc of course that's the kind of thing that would develop in a society of robot aliens who are only allowed to work within the rigid confines of their alt mode 

I love the whole matrix thing bc its kinda like being the pope or st but also you have a ton of political sway, so its a super important position, so of Course the corrupt senate would want full control over that power, and would assassinate the current prime to try to get their own guy in 

god vhbhjsdkbgshjdf rodimus is such a dick lmao poor drift

HHHHH I love that the cybertronian version of an autopsy is taking the dudes body apart into the smallest components and laying them all out. that's so fucking cool

hmmmm chromedome maybe you should Not be interested in mnemology, how about that,

oh god. time to start being sad about op and senator shockwave. oh god

senator shockwave more like senator sexy 

also the first time I read this I thought I had just missed his name and like halfway thru the story I went back and scoured the pages looking for it hbvhsjdfbshgfdsbj then I was like oh ok so we’re maybe supposed to just know who this guy is from another comic? but NOPE it was very deliberate and I only realized very close to the end that they were setting up some sort of reveal

its funny bc normally I'm not a huge fan of stories where politics play a huge role but I fuckgin love it here, the politics and worldbuilding is all so interesting and also balanced out with a healthy dose of cool sci-fi hijinks, so

lmao there's chromedome being obsessed w/people making the ‘pfft’ sound 

also wow yet more hindsight, maybe you Shouldn’t be so interested in the Institute, chromedome, 

OHHHH shit I forgot abt the red alert stuff happening at the same time as this :( :( :( 

AUGHHH what a fucked up situation. god 

oooof i gotta continue now!! what a solid issue, I love the shadowplay arc