#panic attck tw

[blackstarregulus79]

i know this is probully already a fic and i just havent read it yet but...

tw: figting and death

all i want is jegulus having dated in school but adventaly braking up. Reg moving on to Barty and James to lilly. but deep down they still (and will always) each other.

barty and lilly are fully aware of it but know their partners love them to.

but one night late 1979 barty and regulus fight, and of cure it's about horcruxs aagain. barty is anoyed about regulus brining it up so much and regulus takes kreacher and leaves.

barty still fumming thinks little to nothing of it and assums he will come back.

hours pass and nothing.

until kreacher comes back soaking wet talking about hands, a cave, potion, and a locket in hand.

barty paniks and knows where regulus is.

and why not run over to james potters house to try and gets some help saving the only person Barty had ever loved.

when james potter opens the door barty just pulls his hand out of the house in a panic.

james assumes he is being kidnaped by a death eater and attcks.

barty has ever boon good at talking and in a panic decides to fight.

they dule for hours.

the only people who could ever save regulus let him die as they fight to consumed by hate for the other -james hating barty for 'stealing' reg and barty hating james for having reg first.

as they fight and dule regulus's body goes cold and stiff in a cave accost the sea the pepole he loved to distracted to help.

[yourl0cal1ncorporealb3ing]

TW VENT AT SOME PARTS

(ALSO NONE OF THIS PROOF READ SO IT MAY NOT BE LEGIABLE I just wroet this and i already forgot half the stuff i wrote)

y'know the mix of horrid chronic fatigue and insatiable numbness and the dissociation just makes me feel like I missing out on life, I yearn to go outside, to go play, to have fun, just run around but I cant. I sit in my room on tumblr or youtube wasting the day away wishing I did something more productive. I feel like a husk of person I feel like Im in a movie theater alone watching the most boring movie ive ever seen, I feel lonely while also being too socially drained to watch and respond the the video my friend sent me. Not to mention when my parents used to fight, my moms road rage/anger issues, it caused me to fucking terrifed of conflict so sometimes I minimize my needs when around other people and constantly asking about things and if im doing it right but also worrying if im annoying them with all my questions because my grandma has gotton mad at me for that before i think either that or it was me asking why she loved my cousin more than me because she yelled and fought with my dad because i wouldnt give my cousin my fukcing chicken nuggets my dad bought for me like fuck you i mean im sorry grandma

The anxiety and hyperactivity of my ADHD spikes up at night so either i got to sleep and wake up in 13 hours or I can stay up till 4am, go to sleep and wake 13 hours (Just feeling a lot worse). Im literally shaking as I write this and i can tell if im just so fucking restless even if im fucking tired (its 3:38am) or anxiety or the entire kiwi strawberry monster I just drank Its ok im drinking water a lot of it i just need to get my thoughts out of my head because its like a thousond of the dvd bouncing tv screen in my head rn idk if its getting better idk if im gonna post this too maybe idk any ways im shaking oh btw i might have non-diabetic hypoglycemia and i have to get a bunch shots next week and I really hate the doctors it always makes me really scared and uncomfy n shit and idk why damn im shaking a lot. I almost freaked out bc i cant find my charger and my tablet almost died but i have another one ive been using so i just used that but i want to know where my charger went :(

istg ive been eating fucking pasta for the lat 3 weeks and i hate it i hate it i hate it HATE it every. fucking. meal. I cant. I have comfort foods I like and its mostly carby food like pasta so i eat pasta alot but since our oven stopped workin its all i know i can make that easy and i laike it but i secretly dread it so i have been eating a lot of candy to keep my brain happy but im not i should be happy ive been hanging with my frinds and its summr break but im just numb, i always am, yk the year I just finished? yeah for the majority of the i was fighting autopilot mode and disassociation but i was constantly in it i dont think i cant handle going to high school this year i think i might act pass out from exhaustion I barely survived middle school Im not okay i need something meds? idk I should not be this messed up i mean my family is great (yk...apart from the fighting which isnt that common anymore and moms anger issues) but theu love me so whats the problem? school school why is it so unoccomidating to neurodivergents same with ppl with social anxiety like i have had MULTIPLE bad panic attcks in class cause i had to do smthin in front of the class I fukcing hate the school system fuckfukcufkyoiuu school fuck the emercian school system FUCKYOUUUUUUUUU

Im too conflict avoident I cant

the afternoon feels so tiring in a stuffy way if that maks and sense i need to treat my FUCKING adhd already i can have music playing at all times thats not a good long term strategy to shut up my brain i mean ffuck i have music on rn and you can see my insane ramblings

anyyways I kinda think im a daave fiction kin (like DSAF) but im 90% sure im just and otherlinker and I just want to feel speacial or some shit but whos know i have the worst imposter syndrome known to man (I have almost every symptom of Cfs and my friend has asked if i have it but nahhh i defs dont) but also i had a weird experience once. I was like listen (its getting hard to type with the shakiness :0) ing to 2 dave and henry playlists and i kept listening to the henry one and I was in the car and i was falling and out of sleep when i saw like flash of dave but it didnt look like cannon dave he looked different he was mush more blue and he was leaning against a wall with messy longish hair and he had a hat and scars all over him and he had a purple buttoned shit that was fulled buttoned up and the perspective i saw was like a photo someone had taken and he seemed just chilling perhaps talking to jack? idfk but yeah theres my weird experience like the best way i can explain this feeling towards dave is "Idkk if i was you but probably mightve at some point like most likely at some point"

i hope i sound legiable (if i do post this AND someone actually reads this all) it is 4:08am and I feel too many things once i probably will sleep at 5 or 6 anyways byebye

[grimbeak]

Pt 2/the aftermath of Mistakes. 

Tws for this drabble- attemped suicide (sort of. no one actually gets hurt), discussions of suicide/self-harm attempts (neither suicide or self-harm are directly mentioned, but it’s obvious that that’s what the characters are talking about.), and descriptions of a panic attack/mental breakdown.

let’s continue.

Mistakes- pt 2 

Jay had lost his friends the other ninja somewhere in Ninjago city, dissipating his dragon halfway through the chase and hiding in an alley for a few minutes. 

After he got out of the city, he had flown to Stix- didn’t take too long when you were flying, surprisingly. 

And now he stands in front of Ronin’s shop, wondering if it would be rude to simply phase through the door. 

He looks down at the water slapping against the poles below him.

He could just jump in. 

Jay knocks, eventually, and it takes a few seconds for Ronin to answer. When he does, he’s holding a sword. For some reason. “If you’ve come about the stolen gold, I swear, I didn’t do anyth-” his eyes land on Jay. “Oh.” 

“Yeah. Hi.” Jay fidgets where he’s standing. “I’m assuming you already know about what happened on the island?”

Ronin nods, not setting down his sword, but lowering it. “Mhm. Few tribe members passed through here a couple weeks ago- I managed to drag the story out of ‘em.” 

“Great,” Jay says sarcastically, “so everyone knew what happened before I did.”

“Yeah, I guess- wait, knew?” Ronin narrows his eyes. “So you know.”

“That I went insane and tried to kill my fri- my team? Yes. Yes, I do. That they then killed me? I also know that.” 

“...Good for you,” Ronin says slowly, leaning his sword against a cabinet. The duo stand there in silence for a moment until Ronin sighs, stepping back inside and holding the door open. “It’s gonna rain soon,” he notes, glancing up at the thickening clouds. “You coming in or not?” 

Jay hesitates, looking up at the gray sky. 

It would be so easy to stay out here and just burn. 

The wind whips up around him as he finally steps into Ronin’s shop, the first few droplets of rain darkening the wood.

It’s... less messy than the last time Jay was here, but it’s still full of probably-stolen items. Ronin directs him towards a chair near his desk. “Here. Sit.” Jay obeys, plopping down onto the chair and drawing up his knees to his chest. Ronin wanders over to the door, locking it (probably so the police can’t get in.) before going back over to the counter, where he drags a chair out and sets it a few feet away from Jay’s. “So. What happened?” 

Jay takes a moment to look at an only mildly-broken clock hanging in the corner of Ronin’s shop. It took him about three hours to get here, considering he had to walk through most of Ninjago City. “I,” he starts, “overheard some... things. On purpose.” 

“Ah. Eavesdropping.” Ronin gives him an approving nod. “Well done.”  

Jay looks at him.

“Sorry. Go on.” 

So Jay tells him.

The Aeroblades are in the left corner of the room, around ten feet away from where he’s sitting. They’re lying on the second self from the floor. 

“Well,” Ronin says eventually, “that sucks.” He eyes Jay warily. “So why’d you come here, anyway? Seems kind of a weird place to run away to.” 

Jay shrugs. “Seemed like a good idea,” he lies. “They won’t... the others won’t think to look for me here. With all the water and all. I just need some time to think, anyway.”

Ronin eyes the singular window in his shop, looking at the rain pouring down onto the docks. “Well, you have plenty of that. And, if you want, I can just tell them you’re not if here if you come by.”

“You’d... you’d do that for me?”

“I mean I’m stuck with you until the rain lets, which, in this place, can take hours. Maybe even a day, if we’re lucky.” His tone is sarcastic, and Jay offers a weak smile. “‘course you can stay here, kid. Just don’t touch anything.” 

“...Thanks,” Jay whispers eventually, turning to stare out the window. 

Idly, he wonders if the rain would be so kind as to redirect itself through a hole in the roof and spray directly onto him.

The rain, being inanimate, doesn’t reply, and instead keeps doing what rain does best: falling. 

***

Ronin knows the kid didn’t just come out here to hide out. He could’ve done that anywhere- the mountains, someone’s house (he can turn invisible, right?), or even a crappy store somewhere in Ninjago City. 

But no.

He chose Stix. Specifically, Ronin’s shop in Stix.

And Ronin thinks he knows why. 

Jay is... definitely not in the right state of mind at the moment. And for a good reason- your friends indirectly telling you that they were forced to kill you in self-defense after you tried to kill them and raze your home has gotta mess you up. 

Ronin locked the door to his shop so Jay wouldn’t go outside to purposefully disintegrate himself (now that he thinks about it, the blue ghost can go through walls.... still, he tried). 

But Ronin has other items in his shop. Some of which, unfortunately, are used for taking out ghosts.

Which is why he’s not at all surprised to see Jay holding an Aeroblade as Ronin comes out from the back room. 

“Jay, put it down.” The blue ninja jumps, nearly dropping the weapon as it starts to phase through his fingers. He catches it, though, being careful not to touch the sharp bits. He turns, and Ronin can see his eyes.

Wide and wild.

Scared.

This isn’t going to be easy, is it.

“Jay, please put the Aeroblade down.” Ronin’s voice is calm, despite himself, and some part of him wonders why. 

“I don’t-” Jay’s voice is shaky and unstable, and Ronin mentally prepares himself for the worst in a few minutes. “I could just- I could-” His hands are shaking too, Ronin realizes. 

“You had a chance a few hours ago,” Ronin says slowly, “over the water. And even now it’s still raining. You can phase through walls, can’t you? So why this? Why now.”

“I- I’m-” Jay hesitates, for a second, breath still coming out in short, tiny little gasps. “It’s- I don’t- I don’t want to hurt them.” 

The other ninja. 

He’s scared that he’ll lose it again and try to hurt them.

“Well,” Ronin starts, “the first thing you did after finding out what you did was run here, right?” Jay nods, warily, and Ronin continues. “If you were going to hurt them, then wouldn’t you have done it back at the temple? You ran here to protect them from you. Or,” he adds after seeing Jay’s hesitate expression, “you came here to protect yourself from them.”  

“It was- I- it was both, I-I think,” Jay manages, breath calming slightly. His grip on the Aeroblade is still tight, though, and if his fingers weren’t a shade of green and see-through, Ronin thinks they would be white from squeezing the weapon so tightly. “I don’t- they killed me.” 

“I know,” Ronin whispers, stepping closer. Jay lets him, although he does pull the Aeroblade slightly closer to his chest- the spikes are pointing at various walls, though, not at the ghost boy, so that’s good for now. “I know they did, and they shouldn’t have, even if you tried to hurt them. They should’ve tried to contain you, not kill you.”

“I hurt them, too.” 

“It wasn’t your fault- you weren’t thinking straight.” Ronin hesitates, for a moment, thinking. “Didn’t the tribe pull some voodoo stuff on you? That would’ve messed anyone up, even me.”  

“Yeah,” Jay whispers, “messed up my head. But- but they had a lot to work with, I mean- the feelings that my team didn’t- doesn’t care about me, the feelings that I was abandoned by my parents, my real parents... I had those already. ‘s not like they put those thoughts in my head when they were messing with it.” 

“That’s still OK. Kid, from what I’ve seen, your friends treat you like crap. Even if they’ve been trying to make up for it, that still doesn’t excuse their actions. Doesn’t mean you didn’t do anything wrong, though. But you weren’t in control of yourself for most of it, and... ‘sides. Power corrupts even the best of people unless it’s handled carefully.” 

“Yeah.” Jay looks at the Aeroblade in his hands. “...Zane was being controlled in the Never-Realm, once. Evil staff. Evil henchperson. He froze a lot of people.”

“Ooookkkk.” Ronin’s gonna have to ask exactly why the heck these kids haven’t gotten therapy yet. “So, you and him have something in common, then. You’ve both been controlled by forces you couldn’t stop. Maybe you should try talking to him about it. When you’re ready, of course,” Ronin adds quickly. “I don’t think the rest of your guys have the brain cells to come looking here.” 

Jay doesn’t respond, but he does allow Ronin to step closer. Ronin reaches for the Aeroblade. Jay hesitates, drawing it worryingly closer to his chest, but eventually lets the other man take it, setting it down on a table beside him. 

Ronin takes a moment to look into the kid’s eyes, which are suddenly welling up with tears and oh there’s a child in his arms, isn’t that weird.

(He remembers why he was so calm, now. He’s done this before.

Maybe this time, the kid will live.) 

Jay’s arms are tight around him, and Ronin freezes before letting him bury himself in Ronin’s coat, muffled sobs cutting through the soft pitter-patter of rain outside. 

Do tears burn ghosts?

Maybe, but Ronin’s not entirely sure that Jay wants it to stop. 

Jay’s obviously not concentrating hard enough for Ronin to be able to touch him at the moment, so he settles for awkwardly patting the kid’s shoulder while trying to stop his hand from going through his body.

Maybe... maybe this time, things’ll be OK.

***

It’s nearly four A.M before the ninja come knocking on Ronin’s door.

Jay’s been asleep for almost six hours now, passed out on the couch in the back room. Ronin’s not sure how much longer he’ll sleep, but hey, at least he’s not having any nightmares.

Ronin, however, has been awake for nearly twenty-four hours now, and he wants to gouge his eyes out. Even thieves need a good nights rest. 

(He doesn’t want to admit that he’s staying awake in case Jay has another breakdown. Ronin just can’t sleep because of the rain. The rain that’s been lightly sprinkling for about an hour now. The rain that no one can hear from inside. That rain.) 

The rest of the ninja, presumably, are standing outside the door, exhausted and soaking wet. 

Ronin opens the door.

The rest of the ninja are standing outside the door, exhausted and soaking wet. 

“Hello,” Ronin says.

Kai, who has apparently no idea what manners are, asks immediately, “Is Jay here?” 

Ronin narrows his eyes, pulling the door slightly closed. “And what are you going to do if he is?”

Kai opens his mouth and gets nudged by Zane, who gives him a stern look like ‘remember what we talked about’. Kai, re-opening his mouth after a moment, says awkwardly, “We’re just going to talk to him. About... how we should have told him what happened on the island. And we’re gonna apologize, for, uh, killing him.” 

Ronin considers this, and eventually the door open the rest of the way. “It might be a while before you can apologize,” he says, and adds upon seeing Kai’s confused face, “don’t wake him up.” 

He leads them into the back room, where Cole immediately, for no reason other than seeing Jay asleep on the couch, goes ‘awwwww’. He is instantly shushed by Zane. Nya, however, studies her boyfriend (ex-boyfriend? Ronin’s not invested in all these relationships.) before going; “Is he using your coat as a blanket?”

Ronin, clearly not wearing his coat, glares at her. “No.” 

Lloyd studies the sleeping ghost for a moment. Finally, he says, “How long has he been here?” 

Ronin bites his lip, beginning to herd the team out the doorway so Jay doesn’t wake up. “Around... half a day now. Since yesterday, at least.” 

Kai thinks about this for a moment, like he always does when he has to think about things that are ridiculously easy to understand. “And what was he doing here, exactly?”

They’re all back in the main shop area, now, and instead of answering directly, Ronin walks over to the table and the shelf and hands Kai the two Aeroblades that remain in the shop. “I think you should take these.” 

Kai takes one as Cole takes the other, the fire ninja looking up in confusion. “What, is Jay gonna hurt us- did you hurt him?” 

“I didn’t.” 

“Then who-” Kai trails off as he thinks for a moment. His eyes widen. “Oh,” he whispers. “Did he- I mean, was he...”

“He tried to,” Ronin says simply. “He wanted to. I talked him out of it, though.”

“God,” Kai whispers, staring in horror at the weapon in his hand. “Thanks.” 

“There’s another thing I wanted you to talk about.” Ronin pulls out the chair Jay was sitting on earlier and sits down. The ninja have nowhere to sit. Ronin doesn’t care. “I have... a house. Up in the mountains.”

Cole narrows his eyes. “Is it your house or someone else’s house.”

“...You don’t need to know the answer to that right now. Anyway, even if Jay wants to talk to you guys, I doubt he’ll want to live with you for a while until he gets his head on straight. So, he can come to the mountains with me for a while- I need to stock up on some rare items only found up there, anyway. Plus, we’ll be away from all the... water.” 

“Isn’t snow made of water?”

Ronin looks at Cole. “Did snow affect you when you were a ghost?” Cole hesitates, then shakes his head. “That’s what I thought.” 

“Wait,” Kai interrupts, “Jay has parents. Can’t he stay with them instead of some thief in the mountains for a few months?”

“Have you told them about his situation?”

Kai hesitates. “We told them he was dead.” He goes quiet. “We, uh, forgot to tell them he was back as a ghost. I think he just assumed we told them at some point.” 

...This kids are all idiots. “You’re all idiots. Jay can stay with them if he wants to, of course. Just a suggestion since you guys won’t know where we live and won’t come to bother us every two days.” 

“Oh.” Kai considers this. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

Ronin stands up (and pretends not to notice Cole immediately stealing his seat), sighing. “You guys can either come back in a few hours or sleep on the floor, I don’t care.” And with that, he walks off to the back room where Jay’s still fast asleep.

(Later, after they come back, the ninja will find him asleep on the opposite side of the couch. He’s sitting up fast asleep, sword having fallen to the floor a while ago.

He looks peaceful.

And Jay does too.) 

[april-doodles]

Heyyy Raditz Comic idea time

Heyyyy remember when I said Raditz would probably have a Full Nelson be a ptsd trigger because he literally dies from it? Yeah… here’s a sketchy comic trying to depict that idea fhdhdhdh this was supposed to come out yesterday but! Oh well :)

[deanwithscissors]

just venting

sobbing before work is a typical thing for me, it’s part of my daily process with anxiety, not great, but i’m used to it

today i had a panic attack trying to get sorted for work. my brain is foggy and scrambled, i can’t think straight, i can’t see clearly and everything is overwhelming to the point i feel like i’m going to explode

being ill makes me unable to engage in my plans, routines, schedules and rituals while being too stressed to be able to rethink or replan, basically i’m not in control... which is my worst nightmare. it’s the thing i combat to avoid every single second of every single day, so yeah i’m spiralling...

anyway, it’s an awful day to do it as a new woman is starting at work, but i called in sick

i feel awful, drowned in guilt, but i can’t leave my bed because i can’t fucking breathe, my chest is being crushed with the fear of leaving the house which has me clutching my knees and crying like a kid... and honestly, all i need to do right now is HIDE from the world

which is code for i’m going for a nap because i can’t cope being awake

[judeharoldvich]

today on my father knows nothing about nutrition: a wholewheat wrap with lettuce and tomato is ‘unhealthy’ -- somehow less healthy than sausages and mashed potato. but both are the reason im fat.

[geekyx]

Lmao I literally said to myself “let’s get this bread” right after finishing a panic attack

[askwandascarletwitch]

I ate and then threw up what i ate but it wasn't on purpose i promise i havent done that in a while it was cause of anxious and stuff and then had a panic attack and now bad thoughts

Shh, it’s okay sweetheart. I believe you and I’m proud of the progress you’ve made. Everything will play out the way it was meant to and I know that bad thoughts can be extremely hard to deal with. All of those inner demons, though, are nothing compared to the joy you bring to others and hopefully someone brings to you. Remember that, okay darling? Try drinking some water or Gatorade to calm your stomach down and if you eat something try saltine crackers. I’m here and you can message me or keep sending asks if you need to.

[fuck-customers]

Tw needles.

I have a sevre needle fear, always have, it was made significantly worse when I was attcked with medical needles on multiple occasions at work. Thankfully after an investigation that person is no longer present at my work.

Only bad thing is obviously getting vaccinated was alot more stressful for me then alot of people, though I'm still grateful I was able to get the vaccine! I knew I would be having panic attacks all day and as per the legislation in my area requested the day off work. Because there were no appointments avaliable on my days off my employer is legally required to give me the day off in order to get vaccinated.

My dumbass boss refused to give me the day off and forced me to reschedule my appointment to the next day and call the entire staff myself to get coverage. My trauma still exists when its inconvenient!!! Maybe if he had been a competent manager and dealt with the repeated assaults going on his in store this wouldn't be a problem.

[grimbeak]

"my child is fine" your child once had a panic attack over not being able to find/remember the birthday of a semi-toxic ex-friend