#people called him a red flag but i dont really agree

[these-emo-thoughts]

Hey friend, did you know that if you look up "disaster gay" in the dictionary you'll see a photo of Wandee?

Actually, you'll see an entire photo album

[seosracha]

CUPID'S ARROW! lee heeseung x f!reader

SYNOPSIS-> you and heeseung, the schools hot topic and archer, have always despised one another. ruining each other's presentations, tripping each other in the hallways- you name it. so when the boy stops tormenting you due to his new girlfriend, you realize maybe you wanted him more than you thought you did.

PAIRING-> lee heeseung x fem!reader

GENRE-> enemies to lovers, highschool au, fluff, a little bit of angst maybe?!:!:??' oneshot

WORDCOUNT-> 9k ! (hello ?)

AUTHORS NOTE-> in honor of my favorite libra i decided to comeback🤗 if this flops im leaving again Okiiiii Purr👌 this took me 5 years By The Way. I dont even remember if i had a perm taglist Hel! Update i found itReblogs are greatly appreciated let your favourite enha tumblr senior pop off

PERM TAGLIST-> @bubblytaetae @qghosty @viagumi @artstaeh @bigtoewinwin @strwberrydinosaur @enhacolor @rendezrei @shinsou-rii @notrosemary

The school's atmosphere was always bustling, you and your small friend group never felt like outsiders in these rusty walls. Graduation was right around the corner and as much as it should have been a good thing, you felt as if a huge part of your life will be taken away from you. Instead you'll receive a piece of paper for the countless sleepless nights and mental breakdowns. You wondered where all the time between freshman year and the last months of senior year had gone. 

Niki. He was with you since birth, or at least you liked to believe that. It was the perfect cliche, next door neighbor and family best friend born on the same day. You always called him a walking red flag for the numerous times he'd do something against the norms. It was small things like pouring his milk first or more concerning instincts where he’d tie his shoes before actually getting into them. He’d defend himself with the barrier of time saving, but you doubted it was even true. But aside the weird things he’d do, the true him was a sunny and caring person. He liked the feeling that making people happy gave him. He put the people closest to him before himself. In Conclusion, he had a heart of gold but a brain full of air. 

Jungwon. It has always been hard for you to give a coherent depiction of his personality. Every first of the month he became a new person. In September he made ‘deez nuts’ jokes but as soon as october came they were old and cringe. His confusing being made Jungwon an interesting and alluring person. Although he changed his identity every month or so, his heart and kind nature never changed. He was your personal 911, under the phone for every small inconvenience or big downfall. You loved every part of him and would never trade the clumsy boy for anyone else. 

Yunjin. She was outgoing and so talkative it was almost impossible not to fall asleep during one of her storytimes. In freshman year you told her to befriend the school's most envied girl, Miyoung. The moment you almost lost her to the shit person Miyoung was, you realized how much your friendship really meant to you. Yunjin was stubborn so it took you a lot of courage to confront her about the problem. She also pulled the swim team's captain, Jake . Most people envied her for the bond she shared with him, some wondered how these two people even got together in the first place. It was true. Yunjin was nothing like Jake, but maybe her true self was the reason she fit so well into the mold he gave her. 

 You all assumed the entirety of your small town was or is in this school. The people were welcoming and talked until their tongues went dry. You all internally agreed on making the most out of the time spent in school before going on with the miserable life this town was offering. 

The only exception was Lee Heeseung. 

He tried to make your life miserable even before graduating. One dirty look could make you shut off for the entirety of the next period on your time table. And if that wasn’t enough he’d try to ruin everything good you had left of that day. Sometimes he’d leave you alone, just to make you believe it was all over. Those days always felt like the rain before the storm. He was nothing but a full of himself asshole who rode off of academic success and school popularity. Girls admired him for his archery achievements and tall, sporty figure. 

It was hard to tell exactly where it had all started, the competitiveness and hatred he shared towards you. How did sitting together at lunch, or attending his competitions turn into something so disastrous and sad. 

Perhaps it was the track you both took up, and had to compete against each other in. Or maybe your final results that topped his. On the other hand it could've been the brief relationship between you and his best friend, Park Sunghoon. But you’d rather believe it's just pure jealousy. You were always better than him in everything except that pointless arrow shooting he cherished so much. No one performed as well as him in archery so maybe that was the reason he liked to rub it in your face every chance he got. 

You got to know him from both sides, and sometimes you’d deny the fact you missed him before he got brainwashed by the meaningless highschool fame. 

“It’s eight, right?” Heeseung asked, pen pointing towards the answer in the middle of all his scribbles. 

His glasses were constantly sliding off his nose, as he used all the brain power left after the tiring school day to solve his algebra homework. The numbers started to look all the same, and he wondered if x was a number or the problem he had to solve. 

“I got 4” you said and he sighed. 

His head hung low as he scribbled over the answer once again. Heeseung’s eyes traced over the equation, looking for the moment he made a mistake. He looked disappointed, and you felt bad for being the smarter one at that moment. It’s not like you corrected him to boost your own ego. 

“How do you do it? Why do you always get the right answer?”he asked quietly, embarrassed with himself. 

You had wondered yourself. Why did you always have the right answer to everything and algebra equations? It came to you naturally, and you never thought of it as something others didn’t possess.  

“Show me your paper, Heeseung, '' you asked politely. His wrought hand slid the paper towards you, avoiding any eye contact. “2608 divided by 652 isn’t 8”you pointed to the set of numbers. 

He said nothing, just wrote down his final answer on the spot under the question on his work sheet. 

A beat of silence came in the library, and you just noticed how quiet it has gotten. Usually the small whispers of other students caught your ear, but now it felt as if you two were the only ones in this modest room. Your eyes trace the study desks and contrary to your belief, all of them were packed with groups of students studying. Some were deeply focused on their literature assignments or chemistry homework, others rather spoil the learning process for the rest. 

“I think I’ll just give up. This is pointless” Heeseung murmured, packing his things back into the emptiness of his backpack. 

“If you give up now, later it’ll be even harder for you. We’re only in freshman year” you said, grabbing onto his hand. 

It was cold, and you felt the feeling of failure radiate off of him.

“Heeseung, I believe in you, I promise. Let’s just finish this and I’ll reward you with some dinner after this. How does that sound?”you sounded like a mom, but he didn’t seem to care. 

A smile briefly decorated his face, as he brought the black backpack back up to his chest to pull out the worksheet once again. He grabbed a pen from your pencil case without asking, and continued to focus on the next question. 

“I think that sounds nice,” he answered in a moment of comforting silence. 

The thought of that day brought you back to the memory of the Heeseung you learned to like. 

///

“Oh c'mon I have no money!” Jungwon said cuddling up to Niki. 

Niki’s lunch plate was full of delicious food and the most random items the school's cafeteria offered. He looked at Jungwon and just slapped his hand away, pushing a handful of chips into his mouth. To show off probably. Jungwon sighed and moved onto his next target. 

“What about you Y/nnie? I’m so hungry, can you hear my stomach rumbling?” he questioned giving you puppy eyes. You just scoffed and slid your extra sandwich towards him. 

He squealed in excitement, and took the smallest bite, savoring the treasure in his hands. Niki  just shook his head, and kept on eating what his plate gave him. 

“I thought we agreed on sabotaging Jungwon every lunch?”he commented, and Jungwon glared at him confused. 

“What do you mean by that?”he asked, concerned for himself, and his empty wallet that accompanied him to every lunch period. 

“Where is Yunjin?” Niki asked, dogging the older boy's question. 

Jungwon just sighed and finished whatever he had left of the sandwich in his hands. 

“With Jake, I’m not sure,” you replied.

“They're probably making out under the bleachers again. I mean it’s summer time” Jungwon  said, wiping his fingers on the soft material of his pants. 

Every summer time, Jake and Yunjin would be caught under the bleachers of the football field. They’d usually get detention, and continue it there. All of you saw it as their little tradition, as disgusting as it was. The bleachers reeked of the most disgusting smell, probably not being thoroughly washed since they were built. 

Jake seemed like the typical player type, full of himself, and way too proud of his athletic achievements, but he was the complete opposite. He liked to hide away in the depths of the school, never interrupted class with the stupid jokes boys his kind made, and loved small gestures people directed towards him. Jake liked Yunjins company because she brought out the best in him. She brought him to heights he's never seen, and that is not in a sexual context only. People didn’t envy her for being with Jake, but rather for being the missing piece in his puzzle. 

“We should go to the football game next week!” Jungwon asserted excitedly at the thought of Yunjins and Jake's tradition.  

“Isn't that something straight people like doing?” Niki snorted. 

He didn’t see anything special in seeing the boys of this highschool compete against some other highschool nearby. He had a point though, our school is going to lose either way.  

“I thought you and Sunoo were friends?” you said,  remembering Kim Sunoo was a famous quarterback. He was tall, really attractive and actually looked decent on the field with all that gear. 

Even you found yourself crushing on him in the beginning of sophomore year. He had a charming aura that you wanted to get to know better. It obviously didn’t work after he indirectly rejected you. Looking back at it now, you aren't sure what went through your mind.

“Well my friendship with him doesn’t mean I care enough to watch him throw a ball around” Niki shrugged. 

It was hot and dry, the sun peeked through the large windows. It hit your back, warming you in a not so comfortable way. 

“I could really get a cold water right now” you sighed and looked over to Niki who despite having an overflowing plate, didn’t possess any drink at all. 

You regretted voicing your inner thoughts as the chair behind you jerked. It was like you could predict the future when Heeseung’s tall figure covered the boiling sun that spread through your back.  

“You want something to drink, Y/nnie?” Heeseung said and you could feel his eyes burning a hole on the back of your head. 

His arms extended to grab the Sprite off his table. Sunghoons hand stopped him. 

“Leave her alone dude” he said calmly. 

Jay and Sunghoon have grown tired of Heeseung’s childish antics. They knew he had absolutely no reason to keep on making you miserable. They’ve called him out on it countless times, but he doesn’t seem to care at all. 

“And what if I don’t? You’re not her boyfriend anymore”he whispered and groped the drink in his hand. 

He turned back to you smiling, your body was already facing his, a look on your face he knew well. It was you signalizing you knew what was coming. It’s not like he hasn’t pulled this ‘prank’ at least forty times this year. 

“Back to you. What about a Sprite, hm?”he said with a sly smile. 

“Can you just leave me alone, seriously?” you said, unfazed by his dominant act “You already spilled coffee on me last week, Heeseung”you added and he chuckled. 

“Yeah I did, and it was fucking awesome” he said twirling the can in his hand. 

You felt the fizzling liquid quickly move on from your freshly washed hair to your forehead and along the length of your shoulders. You felt sticky, and disgusting. Heeseung laughed, probably being the only one who found the incident funny. 

The chair jerked once again, and Sunghoon stood up pushing Heeseung away from you. He took the tissues from the pocket in his jacket and handed them to you. 

“You don’t have to help me, you know?” you said avoiding eye contact. Sunghoon shrugged. 

“This is the least I can do to make up for having an annoying and childish friend”he mutters, but the admission alone was enough to calm your heart. 

Your warm hand trembles slightly as you grab the tissues from him. You wiped whatever you could off your face, and put the wet hair into a messy ponytail. Words leap at the tip of your tongue as you hold back everything in you to keep yourself from wrestling Heeseung to the floor. 

“I think we need to talk, Heeseung” you say and he calms his laughter down. 

“For what? No need to waste anymore time on you today” he laughs and gives you that dumb face you hate. 

You exhale yet another breath of annoyance “I don’t think you have anything better to do, if this is the peak of your day” 

“I do, right Sunghoon?” he asks, hoping to get the answer he wanted but Sunghoon stays quiet, observing the scene before him. “Why do you still act the way you did when you two dated? Seriously, it’s so annoying” he huffed. 

“Cause you’re being an asshole, Heeseung” Jay interjected, still seated by the trios usual table. 

“And you’re being stuck up. What's wrong in having a little fun?” he sighed. 

“You’re the only one having fun, Heeseung” you said, and he stared into your eyes. 

He wasn’t fazed by your words or anyones in fact. He wanted the high ground in life so going under the influence of peoples opinion wasn’t even an option for him. 

“I have to put myself first” he giggled, and you rolled your eyes at his stupid comment. 

He was standing inches away from you, and you could swear the heat was radiating off of him. He smelled of Japanese cherry blossoms. You found that strange, expecting a man like him to wear the strongest cologne out there. 

The truth was, Heeseung always went for a softer look. He had the whole package from the hair to the shoes. Maybe it was one of his tactics to stand out and showcase his individuality as best as he could. 

“Can you just let this go? The whole act you have going on. It’s become old”you say, your voice monotone. He looks around the cafeteria. 

“I don’t see anyone better to make fun of” he states, and grabs your hand “Consider that as a compliment” he adds, and smiles brightly. 

No matter how much time has passed from the day you met to this moment, his sweet and charming smile never changed. It was made to mesmerize others, and sometimes you couldn't help but get excited. 

Your hand jerks away from his “Fuck, just cut it out, please. Just let me have some fun with my friends before graduation” you plead. 

Heeseung has never seen you actually beg him to stop. As much as an asshole he was, maybe you were right. He didn’t think about graduation until now. 

Heeseung was scared to graduate and leave his school career behind. He knew whatever accomplishments he had in archery would give him nothing in return in college. He knew the adoration of younger girls wouldn't transcript to college. And he knew his friends wouldn't waddle after him. He knew he’d be alone again. 

He stayed quiet. The only thing consoling the immediate silence in the small circle you made, was the chatter of other students placed around the cafeteria. Heeseung’s heart courses unsteady blood through the canyons of his uneasy stomach as he exhales a rocky breath. 

“Whatever” he murmurs into the sunshine, leaving you and his friends behind as he walks out of the large lunch hall. 

/// 

The school days became more steady and quiet. No clouds in the sky, and no interruptions during lunch. No dumb comments when you spoke in class, and certainly no cocky notes in your locker. 

You didn’t see Sunghoon’s and Jay’s smiley faces waving at you anymore as you sat down at your usual lunch table with Niki, Jungwon and Yunjin, since they didn’t sit behind you anymore. At first you wondered why, but you just assumed it was a blessing from the god above. Not that you hated Sunghoon or Jay, you could never, it was more about the boy you despised. 

Sunghoon and you used to date, and you knew he couldn’t get enough of the comments Heeseung made about it on a daily basis. He started using it as an insult, and scolding him everytime he tried to help you after one of Heeseung’s foolish pranks. The reality of your relationship was pretty sad. Cause not only is Heeseung using it as a taunt towards your now ex boyfriend, but he was the authentic reason for your breakup. He felt as if you stole his best-friend from him, so he made your lover choose between you or him.  The choice is probably obvious by now. I mean he had no certainty this love would last. 

“It’s been pretty quiet without Heeseung coming around, hm?” Yunjin whispered, doodling hearts around her English worksheet. A smile perks up on her lips as she writes Jake's name in one of them. 

“Well, finally”you reply shortly, focusing on the question before you. You twirl the pen between your fingers, as Yunjin chuckles softly. 

“Weren’t you used to it by now? I mean isn’t it weird to not have him spill drinks on you anymore?” she nagged you once again, knocking you out of your trance.

“Who wouldn't be used to it? But I definitely do not miss having wet hair and clothes for the rest of the day”you smile, and write down one of the answers. 

Of course you felt like something was missing, but you’d never actually admit it. You knew something was missing, but coming to the full realization of what that was, belittled you. 

“Didn’t you ever like Heeseung? Like at some point you had to like him. Especially when you two were practically besties!”she exclaimed, and you had to hit her, afraid Jay might hear. 

Jay sat next to Yeonjun, head in hands. You snook secretive glances at the boy, and he seemed just as confused as you were. He kept asking his deskmate for answers but from what it looked like, he didn't have them either.  

“I don’t know, Yunjin. Maybe, but it surely wasn’t anything big. You know, Heeseung used to be pretty fucking cool back then”you smiled, your mind rushing back to the memory of freshman Heeseung. 

“Niki was so jealous of him, I’ll never forget that” Yunjin giggled, and grabbed your pink highlighter to color in her heart dedicated to Jake. 

She smiled as the heart filled with a bright pink color, fading her boyfriend's name a bit, but she made sure to correct it right after. 

“Don’t you ever hang out with Heeseung? Especially since you spend so much time with Jake?” you asked curiously. 

She chuckled and shook her head. 

“We never hang out with a third person. We’d probably make them really uncomfortable,“ she answers, and you laugh along with her. 

“Back to you, Jake told me Heeseung doesn’t even talk about you anymore. Can you believe that?” she huffed, as if it should have offended you.

You shrugged. The less embarrassing things Jake, Sunghoon or Jay knew about you, the better. But you wondered why he’d talk about you in the first place. 

“He’s also been really secretive lately. They were supposed to go play some games at Jay’s, but he bailed out. Jake said he never does that '' she exclaimed dramatically. 

“I really don’t care, Yunjin. Maybe he finally realized what a shit person he truly is” you explain, and she just laughs. 

“I hope so too” she whispered a short response “Are you still coming to the game? I finally convinced Niki to come ‘see his friend throw a ball around’ ”she made air quotes, and you chuckled. 

“Yeah, me and Jungwon wanted to go from the start anyways” you say, and she squeals excitedly. 

/// 

“Can we sit here?” Sunghoon’s voice caught your attention, as he stood alongside Jay and Jake. 

Yunjins face lit up at the boy standing in front of her “Yes!” she squealed, and clung onto Jake’s side “You never sit with me at lunch, baby” she murmured into his chest, and he giggled. 

“She’s right, you guys never sit here. What happened to mood killer Heeseung?” Jungwon asked, and they shrugged, just as curious as him. 

You looked around the cafeteria, but in fact a six foot, blue haired man was nowhere to be seen. You always wondered why he chose a hair color that could potentially make him look like an idiot amongst the towns people, but you couldn't lie and say it didn't fit him. 

“He’s not here, and he’s not answering our calls, I think he’s skipping,” Sunghoon said tiredly. 

“I heard he’s been ditching you guys quite often lately” Niki asserted sarcastically , picking at his lunch uninterested. 

His parents cut off his money after he failed his math exam, so he no longer had the option to buy out the whole buffet. He was stuck with the disgusting, soggy food the school offered for free.

“Yeah, he has. I don’t want to offend anyone, but after the lunch incident it’s like something has changed in him,”Jay said, being a witness of the scene. 

“Why would I be offended by all people, the more freedom, the better” you said, and Jay silently agreed with you. 

Getting rid of the fear's tight grip, really washed a lot of other things off of you. It made you so much more comfortable and especially much cleaner, literally and practically. But his sudden ignorance and complete change in demeanor wasn’t all pluses, but maybe it was too early for you to realize that. 

“Seriously I should've studied for that exam” Niki muttered, pushing his plate of soggy pasta away. He reached for his backpack but found nothing edible inside. 

“What’s wrong with him? That pasta used to be the highlight of my day in freshman year” Jay hummed. 

“There is something seriously wrong with you, man”Niki responded “That pasta tastes like battery acid, and maybe like the crumbs on my bed on a good day” 

“You eat the crumbs you find in your bed?” Sunghoon asks, disgusted. 

Another red flag Niki carried around with him. 

“Yeah, you don’t? I thought everyone eats the crumbs in their bed” he said, and nobody agreed. 

“First of all, I wash my bedsheets and don’t eat in my bed” Sunghoon said, and Niki scoffed. 

“You’re seriously mentally ill, all of you actually. Bedsheets are supposed to be changed every two months or maybe every month if I feel generous”he educates them. 

“Me and Y/n once slept over at your house, and I woke up with crumbs in my ass” Jungwon said, and Niki rolled his eyes. 

“Could have slept on the floor then”Niki asserted, and sneaked one of Yunjins fries into his mouth. She was way too occupied with Jake to even notice or have any awareness of the people around her “Okay I think we should stop talking about my crumbs now, please”

“Trust me, no one wants to know about your disgusting ass habits,” Jungwon sniggered. 

Somehow you found yourself looking around the hall for that one familiar face, yet as good as your vision was, you couldn’t spot him anywhere. Why did you want to see him so bad?

“What about you, Y/n?” Jay asked, and you had no idea what the initial conversation was even about. 

Jay had changed the subject, moving on from Niki a long time ago, but your mind was focused on something, or rather someone else. 

“What?” 

“I asked what you plan on doing after graduation” he smiled, and you pushed your focus back onto the group around you. 

“I don’t know yet. I do want to go to college, a lot actually, but what for, I’m still trying to figure that out” you said quickly. Jay nodded understandingly. 

“What about a boyfriend?” he smirked and nugged Sunghoon. He just rolled his eyes and moved away from the boy. 

“I don't think I need one at the moment”you answered with a smile.

It went quiet as Jungwon's face changed drastically. He saw something others couldn't make out just yet. 

“Speaking of boyfriends and girlfriends,, is that fucking Miyoung?”Jungwon exclaimed, and the mention of her name made Yunjin jump away from Jake’s arms. 

“What are you talking about?”she said, her body trembling. Her heart began racing as Jungwon pointed to the entry door. 

You didn’t want to look, suspecting the outcome. 

“So that's where he went,”Sunghoon laughed, and before he could call them over, Niki stopped him. Sunghoon quickly realized, and gave up on that idea. 

“No way he actually started dating Miyoung, isn’t she like a total bitch” Jay said, directing his words towards Yunjin. 

“She is the most awful person I’ve ever met,” Yunjin said, her gaze still glued to the couple. 

“Well that explains why Heeseung’s dating her now,” Jungwon chuckled. 

There was the confirmation you didn’t necessarily want. 

Heeseung and Miyoung are dating now. 

“So that’s why he doesn’t bother you anymore! He doesn't want to make his girlfriend jealous” Jay exclaimed, you just laughed quietly, and tried to completely cut out your friend's words with the company of your own phone. 

“This has got to be a serious one if he gave up on teasing Y/n” Sunghoon said. 

As much as it made you happy he left you alone, the reason behind it did not fire up that same emotion in you. But you could not stop life from moving onwards, and if this is what makes him satisfied then so be it, right? 

“Why did you stop being friends with her anyways, Yunjin?”

…

“I can’t, me and Miyoung are going to the movies” Yunjin said excitedly, but you couldn't quite return her feeling. 

Once again, you were being ditched for Miyoung, and it felt pretty fucking shit. It felt as if Yunjin was drifting away from you for some new girl she barely knew. But you couldn’t stop her, she was your best friend and her happiness was your priority. 

So when Yunjin and Miyoung were enjoying the movies you and she loved, Heeseung was by your side. He listened, and helped you cope with the pain of being replaced. You remember him holding your hand so tightly, telling you how much you mean to many people, and to never doubt Yunjins platonic love for you. It was a new thing for you and him. You were usually at each other's side when exams came, and when he competed for the gold medal, but never when a crisis striked. 

You wondered why he did it. Did he just feel bad for you and didn’t want to make you more miserable when you came to him?  

Miyoung was your complete opposite, she was more like Yunjin. That’s why they connected so fast. You envied their friendship despite the fact you were still considered Yunjins best friend. 

When Heeseung heard all about Miyoung, he couldn't hold back the shit he had to say about her. Every bad thing he recognized within her, from him, sounded fifty times worse. It was his way of helping you realize Yunjin will grasp that soon enough too. 

And he was right. Miyoung had nothing but bad intentions towards Yunjin. 

…

Maybe seeing him all over Miyoung hurt ten times more  because he was there for you when no one else was. He was there when his now girlfriend wanted to tear your friendship apart.

/// 

“You’ve been acting really off recently” Jay commented, while you two accompanied each other on the walk back home. 

Jay lived in the same apartment complex as you, but you never cared enough to notice him. Usually it was only you and Niki ignoring the rest of your neighbors. 

“I think it’s just your imagination, Jay '' you laughed, and took another bite out of Jay's candy bar. 

He made a sad and offended face when half of his chocolate bar was gone. 

“No seriously, even Jungwon noticed, and I trust him”he said. 

“You and Jungwon really hit it off, hm?”you asked, trying to bring the spotlight off of you. 

You guessed it worked when Jay's face lit up “Yeah, we did! He actually seems to like spending time with me”

“We all love spending time with you and everyone else, Jay” you smiled brightly, and he laughed. 

It was true. Ever since Heeseung completely cut them off for his girlfriend's company, your friend group adopted them. Yunjin couldn't be more happy now that she got to spend every second of her day with Jake. And you felt happy cause they gave you the little unreal pieces of Heeseung you found yourself missing. 

Seeing him with Miyoung, turned something upside down in you. It didn’t let you function properly and it felt like you've hit rock bottom. You couldn't help but wonder, why her? Although anybody else wouldn't make the growing feeling in your stomach any better. It was still a new thing to you, and you couldn't quite put into words what it was. 

“Do you miss Heeseung? Or at least the person he used to be?”you asked, and Jay wasn’t expecting you to be the one to initiate a conversation about Heeseung. 

“Well obviously. We still talk, but it isn't the same at all. I really want to go back to the day when it all went downhill, maybe I could've done something,”he answered with a fabricated confidence. 

“Don’t blame yourself for something you can't control,” you said, holding his hand. It was a habit you picked up from the one and only Heeseung himself. “For the short time I knew Heeseung, he’s just like that. You never know what's coming until it's already done”

“Short time? You and him were constantly talking in freshman, I’m really shocked you didn't catch feelings for him back then”he laughed. 

Feelings. Now you realize that maybe after all you did like Heeseung. It came to you after you found yourself reminiscing on the memories you shared. He used to mean a lot to you, and when he started changing his demeanor towards you, it wasn't easy to let go. You tried to fix it but you didn't have any tools. You just had to buy a replacement, but there weren't any others like him in stock. That’s why you started dating Sunghoon, because he was the closest you could've gotten to Heeseung.

“I don't think I catch feelings that easily,”you laughed. 

Lie. 

You lay in your bed helplessly, the sheets clinging onto your sweaty body. Your room elopes you in a constant darkness, and the wind blows softly through your open window. You can’t focus on anything, your heartbeat picking up at every sharp inhale. 

Your mind was racing from one thing to another, but someone who stayed consistently flooding your brain was Heeseung. Because you have finally come to the realization this was never about Miyoung or the childish pranks, it was about him. 

It was an untypical connection you longed to study. 

/// 

“I know what's going on so you either say it yourself, or I’ll just be blunt about it right now”  Niki said through the speaker of your phone as you kept on straining from the real purpose of the call. 

You trusted Niki, but this is something bigger than the time you told him about Sunoo. Back then the only thing you two could do about it was laugh and make up fake scenarios with you as the main character. 

“If we both know then why talk about it? It doesn't matter anyway” you murmured, fiddling with the settings of your fan. 

“Because I want to help you, and if you don’t tell me the full thing I have nothing to stand on” he explained, and you sighed. 

On one hand, you wanted to hear Nikis advice, but would that really help? Would any of this really help your already fucked up situation? 

“I don’t even know where to start, Niki” you said and he let out a sound of understandment. 

“Just tell me everything, don’t hold back. You can trust me with this” he told you after a brief moment of silence. 

You stayed quiet, attempting to process everything through. The admission alone was hard enough, but spilling out the truth to one of your bestfriends was the real challenge. 

“Niki, I’m not sure myself, if what I feel is real. I’m wondering if any of this is real” you started softly, and he kept quiet signalizing for you to continue.  “I want to have him all for myself, and I know it’s selfish, but what can I do anyways” 

“Do you seriously want this?” he asked. 

“I don’t know Niki, I don’t know anything just yet” you responded. 

“I think it’s okay to not have answers,” he assured. 

There was nothing that could help your blossoming feelings for Heeseung. Even after he embarrassed you on multiple occasions you couldn't do anything but fall deeper in love with him. Maybe it’s because you still had the feeling his freshman self was still somewhere inside of him under the pile of shit he’s been consuming lately. 

“Okay” you mutter. “Just be realistic with me” you ask of him, and he nods understandingly. 

“I would never lie to you, Y/n” he whispers “Just follow your gut, okay? I know that may be hard, but if you actually want to try, do it. There's nothing to lose here anyways” he says. 

You nod, unable to say anything. It’s weird, the feeling you're experiencing. It leaves you uneasy, the thought of your current situation. You’re unsure of anything going on. 

“I want you to be nothing but happy, if it's with him, or anyone else, but sometimes things don't go the way we want them to because we don't trust ourselves” he adds, noticing you've been awfully quiet. 

“I don’t want to embarrass myself again, Niki '' you mutter. 

What were you thinking, seriously? Heeseung was the unreachable boy, only the prettiest girls of this school could have. Miyoung was one of them, drop dead gorgeous, skinny with porcelain skin. You didn’t see those features in yourself, but maybe it was just your insecurities getting the best of you. 

“You can’t embarrass yourself if you don't even try. Even if you do, what's wrong with that? You know you have us, we’ll never make fun of you” he assured with a soft smile. 

“Is it even worth it? I mean I don't have any assurance this would last if anything. What if we just went back to hating each other, and I’m left all alone again” you ask, and he shakes his head. 

He gets closer to the camera, head in hands. “Just because of what happened with Sunghoon, doesn't mean you have to kill any hope you have of a relationship with others.  That's not how it works” he tells you softly. “Just trust yourself, and the process, okay?”

/// 

You had a goal. 

Win Heeseung back by graduation. 

You always considered  yourself to be a competitive person, not exactly in the right field, but competitiveness always lingered somewhere in your gut. And that’s exactly why you would do anything to feel his touch again. 

It didn't take you long to realize you took his teasing for granted. Your mind was begging for him to leave you alone, but your heart perhaps liked the constant attention, and the fact he’d think about you more than anyone. It was stupid, but what could you do? It was hard not to miss the not-so sweet nicknames he’d give you. It was hard not to miss his dumb pranks and sweet laughter. 

How were you going to reach your goal? You didn’t exactly know. You just decided to follow your gut, just as Niki said days before. Maybe you were reaching too far, but what's wrong in admiring the stars? 

“Sunoo said the team has been actually working hard this month. I’m starting to gain hope in our schools first win” Niki said, clicking away at the Superstar SM on his phone “Fuck, I lost” he groaned. 

“Only the best can do Kick It on hard mode” Jay shrugged, receiving a death stare from Niki, who loaded up the song again. 

“I don’t think you should get your hopes up too high, Niki. Sunoo said that last time, and guess what?They lost” Sunghoon murmured, copying Jake's chemistry notes. 

You silently agreed with Sunghoon. The only reason you all tagged along for the game was the free food your school was giving out on match day. It was probably their way of compensating for the awful game our football team was about to present to us. 

“You’re seriously so bad at this, '' Jay laughed, and pulled out his own phone when he saw  Niki lose once again. 

“Don’t be a show off, I’m just having a bad day. Look, I literally have two stars on Cherry Bomb” he shoved the phone into Jays face. 

“Stop being annoying, Niki” Jungwon commented, and the boy looked like he was about to kill him. 

“It’s not my fault, he started it!” he said, offended. 

“I just got an S level Doyoung!” Jay squealed. 

“No way, you’re such a liar, '' Niki said, sliding over to Jay's side. 

While the two boys were preoccupied with the beloved game, and Jake was busy keeping Yunjin her special company, Sunghoon and Jungwon were copying Jay's notes, you couldn't stop looking over at Heeseungs table. He seemed to find himself new friends amongst Miyoungs circle. He sat there laughing with Kwangsun and Taehyun, keeping his arm around Miyoung. 

Kwangsun and Taehyun were Jakes teammates so you knew them very well. Not only were they the worst on the swimming team, they also had the worst personality. Talking to them was like talking to a wall, they lacked any sense of humor and interest in the world around them. You wondered how Heeseung was talking to them so comfortably. Probably because they weren't responding so it didn't even matter what he said.

“How are you feeling? Everything alright?” Sunghoon asked, keeping his eyes on the notebook. He didn’t look at what he was writing down, just blindly copied Jay's work. 

“I’m okay? Why are you even asking?” you answer with a question. 

He laughs, and drops the pen. Jungwon takes the opportunity, and slides the notebook closer to himself. 

“You’ve been awfully quiet, you know?” he states softly. 

“You shouldn't worry about me, Sunghoon. I see you have a lot more to copy, seriously do it before lunch ends” you say trying to change the subject. 

Was Sunghoon suspecting something? Did he know something you didn’t? It was hard to tell, and that was making you even more stressed than you already were. 

“I’m your friend, I worry about you, Y/n. But i respect it if you don’t want to talk about it now” he smiles and picks up his blue pen “Give that book back” he groans, and slides the book back over to the middle. 

“This is unfair, I can barely see what's written there!” Jungwon fights, but the boy next to him just shrugs. 

Were your friends catching on? Were you really that obvious? 

“Life is still going on, three rainbow stars, beat that” Jay exclaimed, a cocky tone to his voice. 

Life is still going on, right. 

/// 

“I’ve been waiting for this for so long!” Niki exclaimed happily, as his eyes scanned the buffet in front of the football field's bleachers. He looked like he was ready to stuff his face any moment now. 

“Don’t get too excited, we might not be able to pack you into my car after this” Jay said, taking a sip of his drink. 

“Very funny, Jayshit. Let a man enjoy his food” Niki responded, grabbing the first pastry in sight. “Sunoo claimed some really good seats for us, by the way” he added bluntly. 

“Maybe you really are useful sometimes, Niki,” Jake said, and got a middle finger in return. 

“I remember last time we got some nosebleeds,” Jungwon said, helping Niki sneak half of the buffet into his backpack. 

“This is why I am always useful,” Niki said, smiling at Jake. 

“That makes no sense, if you were useful you’d get the good seats too last game” Jake asserted. 

“Shut up, Jake. Don’t you have a girlfriend to take care of?” Niki rolled his eyes. 

You chuckled at his child-like behavior, and grabbed Jay’s drink to take a sip yourself. 

“What's up with you and always stealing my shit, get some yourself” Jay said, and jerked the drink away from you. You laugh, and smile at him. 

You look around for any familiar faces, but it seems as if no one has arrived yet. That's what you get for being two hours early, just because Niki can't miss out on the strawberry donuts. 

“Isn’t that Miyoung, and Heeseung? I  thought he hated football” Jake chuckles. 

They're here too? It can't get worse can it? 

“Miyoung likes it. Her brother is on the team” Yunjin says, and Jake nods. 

You drop your head to the ground, and start playing with the strings of your hoodie. Maybe if you don’t say anything you’ll sulking will go unnoticed. 

“He hasn’t talked to us for a good two weeks. He really is down bad” Sunghoon comments. 

“Do you think Miyoung forbade him from talking to us?” Jay asked, hoping for Yunjin to answer, since her brief friendship with the girl might allow her to know. 

“She usually does when she doesn't like her partner's friends” Yunjin fulfilled Jay's wish. 

“Why so? Especially since I have probably never talked to her” Sunghoon said, a confused look spread on his face. 

“I wish I knew that one,” Yunjin said. 

Seeing Heeseung with her was different for you this time. It's like something turned inside of  you. Maybe it was because of the fact he loves her enough to sit through a game he hates with his whole soul and heart. You wonder if he’d do the same for you. 

The scenery was beautiful. The sound of soft chatter and the summer breeze swayed through your features. The sun hid behind the clouds, the only source of light being the large lamps placed around the field. It was the perfect highschool cliche, but your mind was constantly at war with the bound feelings. It never left you alone. Before you fell asleep, while you ate breakfast, while you showered or brushed your teeth. He always flooded your brain. 

“I think I’ll get in a quick bathroom stop before this mess starts” you smile, and get up from your seat next to Jungwon. 

“You want me to go with you?” Yunjin asks, averting her gaze from Jake to you. 

“Sorry, I don’t really feel like making you hear me pee, I’ll be back soon” you smile, and Yunjin just giggles, setting her head back on Jake’s soft shoulder. 

You can’t look at her being happy with him anymore. It makes you want to throw up. 

The gentle sound of the latest pop hits poured from the speakers mounted in every corner of the school building as you made your way to the restroom, feeling helpless. Various students hastily made their way to the field. 

Yeah, sure, you did hate him. But one look at said enemy, all those words could be shoved out the window. 

The air felt so heavy, as you sat on the sinks marble. No matter how hard you searched, there still was no answer. There was no escape and you’ve already lost any control of yourself. You were going insane each sleepless night thinking about him. 

You looked into the mirror's reflection and didn’t recognize yourself anymore. Have you changed out of your own pure will, or was it because maybe you weren’t enough for Heeseung when he left. Was it the way you looked, acted or was it any of your other flaws? There’s no answer. 

You completely lost track of time, but nobody seemed to be looking for you anyways. 

A quiet sound echoed through the bathroom. You didn't even bother to look, expecting Yunjins voice to hit your ears anytime now. 

“Do you know how much I hate you?” a so familiar voice reaches your ear. 

It still hasn’t hit you. The same person you were bawling your eyes out over, was so close to your helpless figure, yet the calmness of your heart didn’t let the feeling sink in just yet. It was probably the years of Heeseung’s torment that made you believe he was here only to return to his old antics. 

You can’t bear to look at him. It’ll just go full circle, and explode, really.  

“No” you respond, still avoiding eye contact. 

“Words can’t describe” he says, and you can feel him smile. “I go fucking insane whenever I think of you” he added breathily. 

You shiver at the harshness in his voice. You didn’t remember it being so coarse. 

“Don’t do this, Heeseung” your voice shakes. 

“Look at me,” he whispers, and harshly lifts your chin up to make you eye to eye with him. 

A long drawn-out sigh from the bottom of his chest leaves him. He slowly lowered his head, and immediately froze in position; making the closeness between you much more intimate. The air around you felt warmer as his eyes pierced through you, studying every detail of your face. 

“I’ll show you just how much I hate you” he finally speaks, 

Any thoughts you had before Heeseung stepped into the pity party you were hosting in the bathroom, flew right out as his lips smashed into your soft and delicate ones. Your heart heaves uneasily, as you give into the feeling of him against you. 

The kiss is lustfull, full of anger he had stored up ever since you went separate ways. He didn’t hold back, his tongue relentlessly prying your mouth open until you gave into his action. The lack of oxygen pulled you apart, your mouth still open from the initial shock. 

Yet his lips felt like a magnet; pulling you closer and closer, un-allowing any resistance. You couldn’t stop yourself, leaning over again, wanting to feel his soft lips once again. There really was no turning back.

“Could Sunghoon make you feel this good?” he asked breathlessly, as his lips planted softs kisses on your jawline. 

“No” you breathe out, and he smiles. 

“That’s what I thought” he smirked, caressing your warm cheek. 

Even the mere thought of you and Sunghoon made him burn inside. He liked having you all to himself. Sharing was never an option. 

It suddenly hit you. 

“Heeseung, why are you doing this?” you asked, backing away from the boy, throwing his hands off your face, feeling a sudden disconnection between the two of you. 

“You know how obsessed I am with you?” he whispered, maintaining eye contact. “You remember when you asked me to leave you alone, because you wanted to have just a little bit of fun before graduation?” 

You nodded, not knowing exactly what this was about. Hearing all the sweet, yet concerning things that came out of his mouth, made you want to forgive him right there and then without any good explanation to the years of hell he gave you.  

“It made me realize, you know, maybe I wanted you more than I thought I did” he finished and although he tried to maintain a dominant act, you could still see his sly smile peek through. 

You couldn't give into him that fast. 

“Oh so you decided to start dating Miyoung? Makes so much sense Lee Heeseung” you scoffed, trying to intimidate him at least a little bit. 

It obviously didn’t work because Heeseung seemed to be unfazed by your words. 

“Feelings get caught up in the mind” he said calmly “But loving you long makes it feel a little better” 

Whatever he was trying to say didn’t matter, because really you didn’t care. You weren’t gonna lose the opportunity you’ve been manifesting ever since he left. 

“Promise this is the last time you pull this type of shit?” you ask after a minute of silence. 

Heeseung lets out an airy laugh and smiles. He lifts up his pinky finger, and intertwines it with yours. 

“Promise” 

Heeseung really wasn’t that tough after all. 

/// 

Heeseung can’t exactly go back to the moment he started to fall in love with you. Maybe it was the day you helped him with his math homework, or maybe the time you cheered him on while he competed in the archery finals. 

But he knows exactly when he realized it. 

“You promise you won’t tell him, right?” you ask, smiling. 

The two of you sat at the back of the library for your weekly study session. You’ve been giving him hints of a recent love interest, and as an unusually curious man he wanted to know more. 

“Who's he, just tell me! And I know him, interesting” he laughs. 

“It’s Sunghoon. Yes, your best friend Park Sunghoon” you announce and he feels his heart drop. He hoped you’d take him by surprise, and let the words, ‘You Heeseung, it’s you whom I like’ leave your lips. But it was Sunghoon. 

Fucking Sunghoon.

Of course, he wouldn’t let this ruin his friendship with Sunghoon. He was sure his friend didn’t even like you back, and soon enough he could be helping you get up after the heartbreak. 

But what he didn’t expect was for you two to actually start dating. 

At first he held all his anger in, trying his best to avoid any contact with you. Soon it turned into ignorance, and he found himself completely overlooking you. He thought of it as the better way out. When it got to the point he couldn't look past anymore, he made Sunghoon choose, knowing what would be the result of it. Sunghoon chose him, but you submitted to the feeling of hatred. 

/// 

Now, after all this time, Heeseung could watch you bicker with your friends over the tiniest things with his own eyes. He could finally sit down at your usual spot in the library and receive the most prized tutoring from you once again. He could watch you accept your diploma, and run back to him with the biggest smile on your face. 

Expressing love for you was different. Years of uncountable pranks, and hateful messages were all just the sweet feeling in disguise. 

[sirenmoth]

Too Good To Be True

John Mactavish x GN!Reader

Johnny gives me cheater vibes, dont like? dont read (sorry to all you soap lovers)

CW: ANGST, cheating, hurt/no confort, sexual themes

It was too good to be true, wasn't it?

A lonely Friday night out with friends at some random bar turned the most bliss filled night ever. A handsome man was talking to you, arm over your shoulders, chatting you up all friendly and flirty, introduced himself as Johnny, he looked too good to be in some rundown bar, but when he asked if you wanted to go back to his place of yours, who were you to pass it up.

It was the best sex you were had, Johnny was to attentive at what he was doing, treated you like a deity, and he was your devoted follower, you don't think you've ever cum so hard in your life, not even from toys. Mind fuzzy as you laid next to him, his aftercare was poor but you didn't expect it from a one time thing.

But it wasn't, it became a weekly thing. You'd text, meet up, fuck. That was the pattern, until he disappeared one day for months without a word, that's how you found out he was military. He left with no word and then reappeared out of the blue at your door, begging to be heard out, foolishly you agreed, you heard him out, you let him back into your bed, into your life.

When he asked you to be his partner, how could you say no, he made up for his time away, gave you adoring pet names, showed how much of an attentive boyfriend he can be. Giving you flowers, going above and beyond any previous partner you ever had. Early morning cuddles and midday coffee dates, drinks out with his friends, late night movies and dancing in the kitchen, by all accounts Johnny was perfect, more than perfect.

That's why you ignored the signs. Maybe that's were it went so wrong.

Overtime he came home late, smelling of beer and cheap perfume, excuses for missing dates and suddenly leaving. He called you paranoid when you asked if there was someone else, accused you of not trusting him, saying what did he do to deserve this?

"Ye being paranoid, there's no one else."

"I only love you, Bonnie"

"Don't ye trust me? Why don't you trust me?"

"What did I do?"

On and on it went for months, the more you asked the more defensive he got, he stopped opening his phone around you, stopped giving you flowers and taking you on dates. Months he was away and the paranoia was eating you alive, it was always there, so when your friends suggested a night out when he was supposed to be away, you took it.

That's how you caught him, hands on some random person, grinding against them, whispering in their ear. You saw red, tears in your waterline as you walked over to him, slapping him in front of the person, in front of everyone there before hurrying to leave. Crying as you walked home, crying for being so naive, unsure if he was chasing after you or not, phone buzzing, unclear if it was him or your friends.

Getting home and crawling into bed, body and mind numb. Were you really that foolish to ignore everything, foolish to believe his lies. Johnny got home at two am, the obvious signs of sex written all over his body, you were still in bed, wrapped up in a blanker but you could feel his eyes on you, hearing him sign and walk away, you look over your shoulder. Spotting his phone, you reach for it against your better judgment but the images of his appearance and what you saw burned into in your mind like a tattoo.

You open it, greeting you like bright red warning flags were notifications from multiple people, his friends you meet, and others. The others he was sleeping with behind your back.

Were you really this blind?

There they sat, the evidence of his actions, chats from them, some from before you got together and some after, some he clearly met on deployment at the places he visited, some you assumed to be barracks bunnies. You scrolled over them again and again until you couldn't anymore.

"I miss you"

"When's your partner leaving, i need you."

"Can we meet again?"

"When you back on base Sarge?"

He called them the names he swore he only called you, took them to places he said that were only for you two, your special date spots. And the images, oh god the images, the videos, you couldn't take it. Was it even real what you had? Hastily you texted a friend asked to stay the night and called a cab, packing everything you could think of in this state, taking screenshots of what you could, sending them to yourself, you don't know why. Maybe proof that what was happening was real, proof to remind yourself of who the man who claimed to love you truly was, proof of what he did.

Not even sparing him a second glance as you left, you bloodshot and tear-streaked face looked him, the defeated and hurt look on your face as you got into the cab. You ignored his requests to get your attention, his requests to explain himself.

"Bonnie let's talk"

"Stop being a dramatic bitch and answer me"

"If you fucked me once in a while i wouldn't of done this"

"It's not my fault, answer me"

Your phones buzzed and buzzed on the ride to you friends place, and continued to do so as you showed them the screenshots of what Johnny did, what Johnny was sending you, yet again you broke down. It was all too much to handle at once.

"You only have yourself to blame"

Did his friends know? Did they encourage what he was doing? Your brain was desperately trying to make sense and piece together what happened, what you saw. How could you live after this, after what Johnny did to you.

The way he betrayed you.

The look on his face when you left, not an ounce of remorse nor guilt for his actions was present in his expression, nothing but the expression of a man thinking your were overreacting.

You know he'd go on with his life like this never happened, like he never ruined your trust and find a new victim who was as blissfully unaware as you were when you first met him. But you? You were left to live with the guilt and hurt of knowing what Johnny did, the empty feeling that you weren't enough for him.

Maybe if things were different he wouldn't have cheated and this couldv'e been avoided.

Maybe he'll learn from his mistakes, but you doubt it, a man like Johnny never learns.

The messages and calls were still coming, more spaced out but still there as another reminder, turning off your phone, you stare at the ceiling of your friends guest room. The events replaying in your tired mind like a broken movie reel stuck on repeat.

It was too good to be true, wasn't it?

[sadfolkie]

the NärCon mods are fucked up

The NärCon discord is full of terrible mods. I can't believe they let a power hungry bully mod ban multiple people just for standing up to him LITERALLY lying, threatening people, and spreading misinformation. The mod called Svalan/Thomas at NärCon is such a massive douchbag it's unreal. I was silent the whole time and just left today after watching the shit show go down and finally realizing... these people are terrible. Genuinely bad toxic people, if I'm around them I might end up toxic like them. I don't want that. Another member posted they're leaving because they were scared of the mods oppression, and I agreed with them in my head and left too. I regret a tiny bit not leaving a message too, but we all know NärCon deletes any and all criticism they get in seconds so what's the point? They're not gonna care. He was joking about how he banned them instead of using time out or warning them. He clearly just wanted their messages calling out his disgusting behaviour out to be gone.

I believe EVERY person who called Svalan/thomas out has now been banned by him. Weird huh? NärCons mod Svalan/Thomas is manipulative and scary. No space is safe if he's in it. I truly fully believe that.

And the other NärCon mods and staff/"pandas"? One panda named Eskil admitted NärCon KNOWS pedophiles go there he even said they are "guranteed" to be at NärCon! He didn't see it as an issue or even a stupid ass statement to make?! Insane how little they care about kid's safety. And this guy works as a teacher?!?!?!? RED FLAG.

I don't know all the mods I dont think, but I know 2 more. The one called Sora can't tell sexual from non-sexual and thinks HIGHLY inappropriate sexual material should be shown to kids. Squeezing a woman's breast is serious sexual harassment, but Sora can't see why encouraging young kids to squeeze the foam tits of a drooling anime toy is fucked up? Like really really really fucked up… and Sora is the panda in charge of telling others what is and isn't allowed regarding sexual levels, so that's clearly a terrible job match. NärCon has no safeguarding for kids AT ALL.

But the saddest one for me is the mod afternoonfika aka Caro. I always admired afternoon fikas art, they were someone I looked up to as an aspiring artist. She silently watched other small artists get unfair threats, being treated like absolute shit just for standing up to Thomas/Svalan, and she said or did nothing. Just like the other mods. Didn't even correct Thomas/Svalan's lies about the rules or why he banned people. I thought maybe she was scared too and didn't want to get involved, but lo and behold, one of the banned users showed up in my other artist discord and just mentioned the abusive mod banning people, and like a hawk she told her to shut up. Caro attacked the victim and didn't even let them share their side of the story. That's so so so fucked up. I didn't think that about afternoonfika. Unfollowed them on all platforms, I can no longer support them after I know they side with bullying abusers. :(

[bojackhorsemanobviously]

Boane for the ship game

love em/make me cry . And this might be an unpopular take but i think they both are also toxic friends to eachtoher and its not all on bojack they also both sucked at apologies

but then theres diane taking him to therapy wanting him to get better/drinking buddies that seems to have em resort to being like teens playing around except with drinking/doing pot.

/ bojack encouraging her to not see her toxic family/ agreeing to be in her corner during the hank fiasco when PB really just wasnt.. . encouraging her to take antidepresseants was also amazing to see / she also has a lot of patience for his bullshit

. there was def real love in this relationship at least i thought so. but it took a toll on dianes mental health her leaving was completely valid when your depressed hanging around more depressed people can really drain you speakingfromexperience

its also an interesting study into meeting your Idol /being blinded by your love for said idol from childhood We look at celebs who do shit things from the outside and can go well im sad about this but it doesn't affect me i dont know that person

imagine being friends with one on the inside what would you do? stay/ leave/enable them? maybe you already know if you had an abusive friend/family..

we know diane had to rethink her beliefs when she found out about Penny and what it says about her as a person to be friends with bojack and the message it sends about her because she was very againast hanks behaivor if the word got out she was friends with an abuser i can understand why she be upset about how it makes her look bad the media was downright nasty to her/she got death threats of course she doesn't want bad press

she finds out her best friend nearly assaulted a teenager /then the sarah lynn situation bojack just couldn't stop disappointing her and ruining her whole image she had of him then the phone called killed any chances of giving him one more chance into her life

. Wandas quote is perfect for em "when you look at someone through rose tinted glasses all the red flags just look like flags."

I think Diane was pulled towards bojack because of her abusive family she was use to shitty alcholic men/just like pc was with her shitty alcoholic mom. and bojack with zero love from his mom def latched what he wanted to hear from her onto diane he was constantly seeking her approve wanting to be better .. more so than he cared about with PC which is why i think he loved diane more than PC

.. they're just very interesting and sad to think about it

here's some songs for em

[imgonnagetkilledbynutstink]

Info dump abt peter nureyev

Im so fascinated with him as a character and how his brain works and ive been thinking (uh oh) that mentally peter is essentially still a child. Like theres 0 way he wasnt severly emotionally stunted as a kid and it shows (not an insult hes completely valid). But i mean he was a homless orphan in possibly the most terrifying place to be a homeless orphan ever and then all of a sudden this adult shows up and tells peter that he can teach him how to survive in that environment and obviously peter (who is literally like 10 at the time) trusts him. Now we can all agree that mags groomed peter right? And slip noticed that mags hanging around him was weird and called it out so its basically canon. But anyways peter listens to mags and trusts him and spends the next 7 years of his life training with him which, sure, it did help in some ways. Peter is an amazing theif and has learned how to put his skills to use because of mags BUT obviously he picked something up there cause people dont just usually mentally beat themselves up whenever they make a mistake. We dont know the details but id say its safe to say that there was probably some mental abuse that went on there to cause peter to be so hard on himself. And of vpurse mags lied to him about a huge part of his life and expected a child to do a world shattering mission basically on his own and it obviously didn't go well for either of them. And then there's slip. Sure we dont know most of the details yet, but we know that peters story abt him isnt a good one. Peter goes to him and its a similar cycle. Slip keeps him safe, loves him, makes him happy and then when the red flags start popping up peter looks away until he literally cant anymore. Theres literally a scene where slip comes home COVERED. IN. BLOOD. and exptected tried to hide it from peter. As far as my memory serves me, he didnt even give peter the whole story, just told him he "didn't kill anyone". I cant imagine how degrading it is to basically be looked in the eyes and be called stupid without literally being called stupid. Then, naturally, peter starts being less trusting until slip does something that resets the whole thing. He protects peters name. It was a pretty big act that could have put slips whole life in danger, and obviously when something like that happens you feel obligated to trust them. Why wouldnt peter question any negative thoughts he had abt slip? He risked his life for him. Then something else happens that we dont know about and it shatters peters trust entirly. He works completely alone for years and continues to use those abusive narratives that mags taught him. He uses a facade to look untouchable and dangerous but you can tell, even though he is very talented and smart, its a lie. And then theres him trusting Juno with his biggest secret only a day after knowing him. This has been a question that has rattled people for years. Why did he tell juno his name? And honestly i dont think its that complicated. I think peter literally just snapped. You can only hold up a perfect facade and keep all your thoughts and secrets inside for so long before you make a dumb decision and say something you didnt want to in the long run. There was probably a moment of regret we didnt get to see after he left and he just ended up being proved right by trusting juno. But i really just think he liked juno and saw him as a good trustworthy person and just acted. Anyways i think im done thanks

[homosexualmorelikehomiesexual]

i have a thought that feels really relevant to the hogwarts legacy bs but as a goy i definitely dont feel qualified to make a conclusion on this..? jewish people pls tell me your thoughts

basically the first thing i remember my Qanon homeschool mom telling me to suck me down the antisemitism rabbit hole (which ive spent the last nearly 10 years trying to unlearn) was "did you know h*tler was an artist?". like, showed me his paintings, got me to agree they were skillfull, said "oh, yea, you may not agree with him :/ but isn't it a shame he didnt get into art school? :(" as an attempt to humanize him. which like...i know cant have just been her, bc neo nazis are like..a hive mind. like that was verrry deliberate.

and...i cannot stop thinking about that in context of jk rowlings bs, because this mentality of "oh just separate the art from the artist!!!" coming from white trans ppl while blatantly ignoring the antisemitism feels....really similar??? it just doesnt seem like a coincidence to me, especially given how weird* white supremacists are about art in general. (like calling modern art "dEgEnErEte") i dunno. it feels like.. not a dogwhistle per se, but. definitely a Red Flag Mentality that seems to have seeped out into otherwise liberal spaces. am i making sense here??

*not weird as in quirky, weird as in elitist and racist

[deafeninggardenerpanda]

sorry late for the controversial ship ask thingy ! either mahokabi or the ship between king dedede and dark matter swordsman! idk the ship name of this one. i've seen it a few times and it's always this yandere-esque thing where dedede doesn't look like he really enjoys it? i was wondering if you'd seen it? thank you! i hope these controversial ship thingies aren't taking a toll on you or something. take care!

oooo these two in particular make me think you spend a lot of time in the jp fandom space. theyre pretty rare otherwise. also dw im so chill but i super appreciate the concern :D

under the cut:

magokirby gets an instant L from me for having way too much ship art thats indistinguishable from anything else. you see mags and kirby standing remotely close to each other and you go "oh thats cool ar- ah. マホカビ ...." otherwise its like. i know a lot of ppl hate this one cause it has the same vibes as me//taki//rby, which in a way i kinda agree because as kirby is the most popular character to be shipped in the jp spaces, it falls under my somewhat broad red flag territory of "uh oh two extremely popular characters together", but honestly i think this one is way better than mtkb. at least its way more plausible for magolor and kirby to be in the same age group. that said i still get really weird vibes from the content out there... i dont bother looking into it enough to Really pin down what the issue is but sometimes it feels like people like to romanticize a manipulative magolor too much

matterdede i think is what its called, though im not sure if thats just an umbrella term for any sort of dark matter/dedede and dark matter swordsman has his own term. Yeahhh agree with you anon. like i said id be a hypocrite to bash any sort of enemies to lovers but this one in particular really just makes me think Why. im so Why about it im struggling to properly convey any thoughts on it even. not a bad Why. just a neutral Why. but like. Why

my friend ships matterdede on the downlow actually, shoutout to him and i trust his takes in particular so i refer to him: ships only good if you flip the power dynamic. dms having power over dedede in their relationship leads to weird yandere relationships like you specified. dedede having power over the relationship leads to. okay im so sorry im gonna be honest i still dont know but hey its better than before at least. this is probably a personal side effect of me not having any attachment to 64 sob sob im so sorry swordsman i have no clue what to do with your ass

i think like. this gives me the same vibes as dam//eta//meta where i can kinda see it if i squint really hard. like it works as a concept that says something deeper about both of the character's inner states and development rather than being a traditional romance. but also whenever i see it out in the wild im right back to square one of not remotely getting it at all. likeeee if you want to make matterdede a thing of dark matter swordsman learning how to experience emotions through dedede and dedede. okay i still dont know but ill say growing from trauma sure. and then both of them get to understand each other in a unique way by being bonded or whatever then cool i guess? but then at the same time if you go that route i dont see them being traditionally romancey in the slightest and so any art i see like that throws me off?? i dunno i have a lot of thoughts. none of them manage to overshadow the initial Why however, which i think is the issue

[pinkfey]

fellas, is it platonic to keep wearing your ex girlfriend’s hair tie on your wrist five months after you broke up?

[dayslynthesix]

hello to you there! im soooo happy about today's victory that i dont even know how to put that happiness in words, but I'll try

Devils roll the dice | Charles Leclerc imagine | part 3

this is part 3 of welcome to the team, you can read part 2 here

sunday, july 10th, red bull ring, austria :

"hey charles, i just want to tell you that's a p1, you did it, p1, charles, p1" y/n said on the radio, the smile bigger than she could imagined, the ferrari garage was celebrating charles victory

"oh my god, y/n, we did it, i was so scared, oh my god", charles were audibly happy

72 hours before:

y/n went bananas with the austrian gp, it was red bulls home, they people would be all around it, all the pressure, the comments, the stress... it would be all about ten times worse than anywhere on the calendar. after great britain things got weird, to say the least, between charles and mattia, specially after the cameras take that photo of mattia with his italian way of pointing fingers to someone after the race, the garages went shut, we weren't communicating nearly close to enough as we should, and that was reflecting on everyone; charles went back to monaco as soon as he could, and his way to show that he was upset was leaving his lovely pista spider behind, mattia saw that as his red flag to went to his driver and fix things, y/n had absolutely no idea how things went, but considering that charles was here and apparently in a good mood was a great start, or she thinks so.

when she retweeted something saying that charles needed to get into his reputation era (on her private twitter account that she forgot he follow her on his private account) she wasn't expecting him to actually do it. during the sprint race when she asked him if she needed information about the currently position and he answered back with a solid "no, i don't care, but thank you" she went into a deep mood state called "im ready to commit a crime". and listen to me, charles wasn't a rude person, he was actually a really polite one, he almost never give the team bad answers and was very polite with everyone, and y/n had absolutely nothing to do with all the shit they pulled with him before she arrived, so when he left his car post qualy, she went straight after him - and everyone heard her cursing in portuguese and they knew better than sticking their noses around to listen the really soft conversation they would have.

he entered the room and when the door was millimeters to close y/n entered too, and the sound the door made was heard back into mclarens garage.

"what..." charles started saying but the look into y/n face was so angry he shut himself

"i don't care, but thank you" she signaled with quotations marks in the air "that all you gonna give to me? you know i don't have anything with the bullshit the team is putting on you, on the other hand, im here to make your life easier, to help you to win the fucking championship, do you know that, right?"

"yes, i know, and it was not what i meant..."

"is was not what you meant? do you want to get angry? fine, do it, with mattia, with the awful pit team, with the strategy team, not with me, because if the whole championship depended on me you could bet you would be leading it, but guess what, it DOES NOT" you emphasized the last two words

"y/n, im sorry, i wasn't directed towards you" he was visible concerned about fucking things up with you

"i was the one on the radio with you, and if you don't like that you can ask for a switch" y/n said and leave the room, she was about to cry, but she didn't, she went for a walk instead, walking through pierre gasly, who not ironically was doing the exactly the same thing

"your best friend is an asshole" she said as she got close to him

"yeah, i agree on this one" he said and she remembered the little incident on free practice when they nearly touched each other

"i would make a toast, but i don't have any drinks, by the way, im sorry on how the season is going, the car is worse than the 1997 fiat uno i used to drive back in school"

"woah, i never thought about the car being this bad, but i think you're not wrong. what charles did that let you this red? or you're just matching the outfit?" you let a laugh out

"im being passive aggressive because i hate when people talk rude with me, but until tomorrow we're back to normal, anyway, it was nice to see you gasly, good luck tomorrow"

"you too, y/n. you too" he walked away from you, going back to the alpha tauri garage as you grabbed your phone to find something to do while you waited to go back. you opened you stories about last week when you and charles went back to your hotel room and drink half of the tequila bottle while playing monopoly and watching funny videos on tiktok, he opened up with you about the season so far and you understand why he was so mad, but it didn't give him the right to direct that angry to you, and hit a nerve all the attitude, and the lack of it from mattia, you've saw the fight the drivers where pulling with each other and if that keeps going they wouldn't win anything, but you're just a mere mortal, if the big boss didn't know what he was doing you wouldn't be the one to teach him.

you want straight to the cars, never stopping by to see the boys, you need a couple of moments just with the engines and the tools, three weeks were starting to get you, it wasn't easy to travel around and all the pressure that was indirectly hitting you, so you focus all your attention on delivering the car the best you could.

sunday, formation lap

after all, charles didn't ask the team to switch the person who would be on the radio with him the whole race, and despite the fact that you were less smiley you were 100% focused on your job. carlos passed by to say hello to you and went to his car, charles did close to the same thing, the only difference was that he didn't actually said anything, he just hold your shoulder a little bit longer and tighter than the usual. both of the drivers were in their respective cars, the mechanics take away the tires covers and went back to the pit wall. the grid formation was ready, we have max in p1, charles p2 and carlos p3. after the little miscommunication during the qualy, when the lights went off, charles didn't try to overtake max, he held his position, defending the p2 from anyone who tried to steal it away.

y/n had passed pretty much the whole night studying the car and analyzing the reliability on the straights, and her job was successful. despite t

the fact that the race was pretty much a easier way to red bull win because of the amount of straight lines, her job with the balance and aerodynamics of the car were impeccable, y/n alongside with the team put a rocket on track. and when she was leaving the garage last night, she went to both pitstop mechanics and give them a lecture about no fucking things up on race switching and the pitstop (obviously she did it in the most polite way as possible) and she did the same thing with the strategy people, she was working side by side with carlos strategist, and was only because of that that they managed all the pitstops so incredible well.

it was during lap 11 when charles overtaked max the first time, the whole crew went euphoric, so far so good, the car was nice, charles was driving in the highest category. the first pitstop allowed max to recover the p1 one again, but on lap 33, in front the orange army, charles put all again and went p1 again. and another tires switch to the car hold the rest of the race, and again, one last time, on lap 53 charles do it again, the crew went loud, it was only 18 laps to go, just 18 left and we would have two ferrris on the podium. but the thing with ferrari is: your almost never fully happy, carlos car stopped, power unit problem, just whenyou thoughtyou had that fixed, it was a hit in your confidence and the team, the car was on fire and he was still inside of it, the panic started growing inside of y/n chest, only when she saw carlos on the motorcycle going back to the pit she could breathe easily

"is everything ok with carlos?" charles asked on the radio

"positive, he's out of the car and fine. 13 laps to go"

missing 6 laps charles opened the radio again: "there's something wrong with the throttle"

"ok, let me check, hold on" y/n went to all the data and apparently everything was ok, she went back on the radio "charles, something must be holding the throttle, but its not mechanical or electrical, can you keep pushing? 5 more laps to go"

"yeah, I'll try it" and a couple more minutes again "there's something really wrong with the throttle y/n"

"ok, we're checking, keep it cool, i know the car is loosing grip, but 3 more laps, ok?"

"ok"

"stay with me, 2 more laps" y/n kept the updates constantly, she needed to make sure that charles weren't panicking "ok, one more lap to go, hold it"

"im holding it"

"curve 7 now... and 8... getting into the curve 9, one more, charles, just one"

charles passed through the white and black flag, the winning flag

"hey charles, i just want to tell you that's a p1, you did it, p1, charles, p1" you said on the radio

"oh my god, y/n, we did it, oh my god. yesssss, lets gooo", charles were audibly happy.

the whole garage was euphoric, you could see the smiles of relief, the weight leaving everyone's shoulders, after 5 shitty race weekends, charles won. the team went to wait for him close to where he would park his car, and the first thing he did one he left the car was running to the team, the mechanics, the staff, you... he held everyone inside a relief hug that all the sadness and angry left your system, nothing that happened before that moment mattered anymore, not when he was so happy, so in piece with himself.

the team watched the podium and anna came to see you, after all, lewis was there too, and after such stressful moments with the car, he was finally into the pace race.

"you know i know the way you're looking to him" anna wasn't subtle at all

"im looking at him with admiration and that's all"

"sure, y/n, absolutely, i truly believe in you because it not like i know you from 6 years and haven't see you fall for someone"

"annes, its not like were going to be together or something, im here to make the car better and help the team to make him world champion, its not a taylor swift song or a movie about romance"

"damn girl, you've been thinking about it because ot was a really long answer, but whatever you said, if you need me to kick him, I'll do it" she held you by your side and both of you stood there. charles looked so happy, he could barely hold his smile, his was born to be on the highest spot and just like that you realized that you would 100% do everything in your powers to help him - and if means that you have to blow away the red bulls tires, you would.

oh shit, you were really falling for him.

after the ceremony a couple of people went out to celebrate with charles, the mechanics, pierre, and even carlos was there, so when you arrived it wasn't much of a big news, because at the end of the day you were part of the team and you were happy for him. you stopped by some group of mechanics, talked to them for a bit and went to say hi to everyone, you didn't see charles, well, you did, but he was busy drinking shots with pierre so you stayed where you were and kept talking with people, because at the end of the day you were really good at talk to people and that part of you were pushed away bacuse you were too concentrated and focused on your work and worried about not screw over that you locked up that part, and now that every single person in that room were happy you could go back to the version of yourself who is playful and a light of sunshine.

you walk to the boys, taking a look at the empty cups and the happy smiles.

"this is really a celebration, isn't it?"

"there's room to celebrate and im so happy" charles said and he hugged you, an actual hug, and he was wearing some amazing parfum "im glad you came"

"that's a sentence that could be during sex or at a party" gasly gasped after the awful joke he made it

"unfortunately i don't think you can use it referring to the first one" you answered back and carlos and charles high fived each other "im glad im here too, now who's gonna be the one to offer me a drink? a girl need a tequila shot to start the night"

"I'll go, if tequila is what you want, tequila is what you got" carlos tapped the table and point at you, leaving the trio and as soon as he stopped to talk to someone you knew your drink would only arrive an hour later, carlos was what you like to call the congressman from the grid

"that drink is gonna take some time" you said

"you can drink mine, driving fast cars for a living is adrenalin enough" charles said and pushed his cup to you

"thank you, and congratulations again" you drink the content from the cup and took a bite from the lemon slice, charles came closer to you to say:

"im sorry about yesterday, i was angry and annoyed with the team, not with you, im never angry with you and the way i spoke to you was really rude, so im sorry" he said lower than you expected

"that's ok, i got it, seriously, no need to stress over that, and im sorry too, i lost it and i shouldn't have said those things to you either" both of you were so close that you could actually feel his smile when he said "so we're even"

he was flirting with you or it was just the tequila?

pierre made an annoying sound so both of you could pay attention on him, it got your nerves that dude being an aquarius not a leo person, but who were you to say anything?

"lets play truth or dare or two truths and one lie, who got it wrong drink, the champ choose"

"we are back in high school all over again?" you asked after calling a barman and ordering a couple of rounds to the improvised table the three of you were standing

"depends, who were you in high school?" that question was definitely a flirt coming from pierre

"the girl who you would stay away, thats for sure"

"and why is that?" charles asked after drinking another shot

"high school in brazil is pretty different from the us or europe, those were the worst three years of my life, and i was too smart to fall for someone with ocean blue eyes and a cute accent" you clarified

"that's the second time you mention the french accent, do you have a thing for french people?" either charles wanted to ask this or he was starting to get drunk, you gasped when you realized that he was closer than seconds before "truth or dare, y/n?"

"truth" you always pick truth

"is it true that you can steal away anna's recipe for us to have the amount of success that mercedes have?" you and pierre laughed for that one

"i can't, and i wouldn't because im here to do better than her, pierre truth or dare?"

"dare" obviously

"i dare you to tell us why your relationships doesn't work longer than three months or you found someone to kiss in this club" he looked at you, drink a shot and walked away

"he's gonna make you pay for that"

"im ok with that, truth or dare, charles?"

"truth"

"don't you have a girlfriend?" you were dying to know that

"i used to, past tense, but it's over, truth or dare, cherie?" the accent, you knew you would be in serious trouble if the accent keep happening

"dare" you could tell he wasn't expecting that when his eyes locked with yours longer than the usual

"i don't have a dare for that, but considering pierre is back im gonna call for help" you started saying that was unfair but what was the worst thing that could happen? "pierre, give her a dare"

if the devil had a look it would be the one you were receiving that moment

"i dare you to kiss the girl i just kissed"

"what if i don't like girls?" you raised one eyebrow to him

"then I think you gonna have to kiss charles over here" he grabbed his best friend shoulders, charles look straight to you, those green eyes staring deep into yours, what was that heat you were feeling? ok, that's how he wanted to play the game, thats the way it would be.

carlos choose that moment to came with your drinks, you take the first one and drink all of the cup, when was the last time you kissed a girl? you couldn't remember, but you asked anyway "who's is she?" all three of them looked at you at the same time, pierre barely recovered when he pointed to the blond girl a few meters away and you walked in her direction. you tapped her shoulder and got closer to explain to her what was going on and her hand, not ironically, went to rest on your waist, she gave you a not innocent at all smile and leaned closer to you.

you came back to the table only to found pierre holding a bottle of water into his neck and charles looking at you the exactly deep way, you found the nearest couch and sit down, all the alcohol getting into your system got you all happy

"so you do like girls?" the french man asked

"oh i do like girls, i like them a lot" you take the bottle out of his hands and drink it

"do you want to dance?" charles asked you

"yup, but im a terrible dancer" you said and hold his hands, he guide both of you to the dance floor but instead of stopping there he entered one hide hallway

"that's not the dance floor" you said a little confused

"do you swear?" he said with that cute smile "just wanted to take you away from pierre before he actually got invented on flirting with you, and i don't want my best friend with his hands inside my engineer pants, dress, whatever"

"oh, ok, he's ths competition if you want to know, i would never" you emphasized the never

"truth or dare, y/n?" he sustained your look and locked your fingers

"truth"

"kissing me would be so bad that you choose to kiss a random girl?" you think about it and answered his question with another one

"truth or dare, charles?" it was your time to got closer

"you didn't answered my question"

"truth or dare, charles?" you asked again and this time he answered: "truth"

"do you want to show me how monegasque people kiss? considering you're pretty much french and people say that french people have the best kisses-" you were cut out of your sentence when charles grabbed you by your waist and switch positions, you were now with your back in the wall

"im gonna kiss you now, ok?" you nodded and his mouth was on yours, his tongue gently playing with yours, you were expecting something sweet, but when one of his hands went to hold your hair and the one that remained in your waist pulled you closer, deepening the kiss you got it and move your hands to his hair and shoulders, you were craving to scratch those shoulders

charles started to slow the kiss, he let you go just to kiss your jawline and your neck before looking at you again, both of you were breathless

"it was a good kiss?" he yet had the audacity to ask

"it was a really good kiss, can i have another?" you blinked innocently

"yeah, you can" and he leaned back again, the second kiss were less erratic, way more sensual, you were taking the time to know each other, learn how you like it, and jesus christ, charles knew what he was doing, the innocent, cute, two dimples and a little bit dumb chaotic energy was just a facade, that man knew how to push your buttons just with a simple kiss.

later that nigh he drive both of you back to the hotel, after all, he stopped drinking after you arrived and while he was stoned sober you were flushed and red from toes to head. you were staying in the same floor, so when the elevators doors closed he reached your hand, not locking your fingers, just holding your pinkie finger with his, it was ridiculously intimate, but you liked. he walked you to your room door and you lean there

"i don't want to throw a cold shower at you, but this cannot compromised our friendship or our work relationship" you said, actually holding his hand

"i think a good kiss makes wonderful things to a friendship, but I'll keep it professional, you become my favourite engineer and im not letting a couple of hot kisses ruin this. even though i want to ruin you, I'll keep it to myself" he said the last sentence lower and really close to your ear "have a good night, y/n"

"you too charles, I'll see you in a couple of weeks in france and I'm hoping for a tour"

"I'll tour you, just don't mention this to carlos or pierre" he chuckled

"i wont, now you go rest, i need my future champion to beat red bull shit out of them"

"if i knew you were that funny i would have bring you to monaco, but good night and have a safe flight"

"you too" he leaned one last time that day and give you a hug followed by a cheek kiss

you opened your door and closed really fast, before you changed your mind and do something really stupid. when you turn the lights on anna was laying in your bed, a glass of wine in her rand and her cellphone on the other one

"oh my fucking jesus christ, how do you get in here?" your heart were beating ten times faster

"im lewis hamilton engineer, i have privileges, now you better start telling me everything that happened tonight"

"it was a long night- wait, hold on that i think i lost carlos" you just remembered that you haven't seen him in hours and went to your phone

"he's sleeping, isa lecture him for 40 minutes about the process and losing and all of that and he slept, now spill it out"

it would be a really long night, but you sit down and tell everything to anna, and the next day when you got into your flight wearing the ferrari merch you posted something on twitter about the insanities pseudo french people could do. you were hoping thing not to change, you really like to work with ferrari.

"we're the best ones" your phone sound the twitter notification, it was charles response to your tweet.

next part here

it's finally happening our couple, see you after the French GP, hope you take all the tsiwft references

byeeeeeee

[enchantestuff]

promises - red bull Sebastian vettel

as I promised just complete fluff and no smut. our poor seb isn't appreciated enough so here is the four times Sebastian jokingly proposed to you and the one time he actually did 

NOT MY GIF

warnings; none really, fluff (btw this made me realise how TERRIBLE I am at writing fluff sorry <3 )

2.1k words, she's long

Sebastian was nervous about getting a new engineer, he so badly wanted to win a championship with Redbull and Christian had confided in him, telling him that this engineer and their new competitive car, would help him live out his dream of being a Formula One champion.

It was nearing the start of the new season and Sebastian had still yet to meet the person that he would be talking to under his most stressful moments and who he had to have full faith in while driving his car. He had begun to think that maybe he never would meet his new engineer when he received a call from Christian, telling him that they both would take place in a race for the Redbull youtube channel, where Sebastain and his new engineer would race against Mark and his, the twist being that the engineers would be the ones driving, not the drivers themselves. Sebastian agreed knowing that it would be a great way to remove any awkwardness between the two of you.

Only a few days later Sebastian was standing on a random racetrack, talking to Mark when he noticed Mark's engineer walking towards them with a beautiful young lady by his side, who Sebastian assumed was his very own engineer. “Hi! It's so nice to meet you Sebastian! My name's Y/N,” you cheerfully greeted him as you shook his hand.

A smile immediately appeared on Sebastian's face at your warm nature and he knew you two would get along just fine. “Please, call me Seb, '' he grinned as he brought a kiss to your knuckles, “now, are you ready to beat these idiots” he joked as he cocked his head towards your opponents.

“Oh, we are going to make a great pair, Seb” you joked as you accepted a helmet off Christian and climbed into the car, getting comfortable inside of the driver's seat.

“Are you a good driver?” Sebastian asked as he secured himself in the passenger's side of the car.

“I don't think I can call myself a good driver with a future Formula One champion sitting right next to me” you smiled as you drove the car to the start line. Sebastian smiled before he braced himself as the flag spun, indicating the start of the race. His head knocked against the headrest as you sped through the track, blocking Mark's engineer as he tried to overtake you and weaving through deadly corners with minimal braking.

It was when the car drifted across the finish line that Seb turned towards you with a wide grin plastered on his face, his heart was thumping hard in his chest with adrenaline. “Please marry me” he joked and you laughed as you high fived him, pleased with your small victory.

* * *

The atmosphere around the paddock was tense, the drivers championship standings were close. Sebastian could almost taste the victory, but he still had a lot of work to do. He had what he would consider a terrible qualifying and had spent the whole night before the race brainstorming ideas on how to improve his time, however nothing seemed to be working.

Everyone was stressed in the Redbull motorhome the following day, which was never something you liked to see, but you understood it as you too had a sleepless night. You pulled Seb to the side the minute you saw him and told him of the new strategy you dreamt up late last night. He was hesitant since it hadn’t been approved by anyone, but he was willing to take the risk if it meant he would win.

“Are you sure?” he had asked you, looking intently into your eyes.

You shook your head. “No not really, but I know you and I know you're the only driver that could make it work” you confided. You both stared at each other in silence for a few moments before Seb pulled you in for a hug, he gently stroked your back as he squeezed you into him. You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding and hugged him back with just as much force.

“I trust you” he whispered into your ear and you felt a shiver run down your spine.

“Good luck” you spoke as you gave him a final squeeze and pulled away. You bit your nails out of anticipation and shot Seb an encouraging grin as he climbed into his car.

The race went much better than expected and although Christian was furious that you didn't run the plan through him first, he was satisfied that Seb was currently P1 with a final lap to go. Your nerves were at an all time high throughout the race and you could feel the grin creeping onto your face as the end got closer and closer.

It was when Sebastian crossed the checkered flag that you let out a relieved laugh. “P1 Seb! P1! '' you grinned as you spoke to him through his earpiece.

“Ahhhh thank you, Y/N! Will you and your strategy marry me please?” he laughed

“Congratulations,” you smiled “I’ll see you up on the podium”

You practically ran to the podium with the rest of the team, grinning up at Sebastian as he lifted the trophy into the air and you could almost swear he was grinning right back at you. You clapped and hollered at him and a blush crept up your cheeks when you saw him mouth a “Thank you” in your direction.

* * *

It was inevitable that you and Seb would become close, but you two had a very different relationship compared to the other drivers and their engineers. While the other pairs spent their time going over the car's performance and new strategies, you spent yours pressed up against the wall of your office while Sebastian kissed you with as much force as he could muster. Your most heated and intimate moments were just after a race when he was full of energy and you were full of pride.

Behind closed doors you and Sebastian could almost be compared to lovers, but out in the public eye you two kept things strictly professional, which is why you were full of shock the night that Sebastain had won his title.

The whole Redbull garage and the majority of the drivers went out to celebrate Sebastian as well as an amazing season. You had congratulated him at the start of the night, you shared a quick kiss when you were sure nobody was looking and he had bought you a drink. You hadn't seen him since, however and spent the last few hours talking to random drivers and team principals.

You almost jumped out of your skin when you felt two hands land firmly on your waist. You turned your head to see a tipsy Sebastian Vettel smiling at you with a mischievous glimmer in his eyes. “And there's the main man himself,” you giggled as you turned around to face him.

“I missed you,” he blurted out as his hands travelled dangerously low for a public event.

“Did you?” you asked “you're the one that disappeared for an hour” you continued as you tapped his chest.

“Kimi wanted to take shots,” he grinned as one hand moved to cup your bum.

“Sebastian!” you scolded as you swatted his hand away.

“What? It's not like i've never done that before”

“Well yeah, but-but not in public’ you whispered as you looked around, wondering if anyone had noticed the exchange between the two of you.

“I want you,” Sebastian declared, suddenly looking much more sober as he stared into your eyes.

“Let's take this conversation outside” replied as you took a step away from him. Sebastian sighed as he took your hand and led you out the doors, he didn’t care who saw as you both walked by, he didn’t care about anything anymore, he was sick of hiding his feelings for you from everyone. He wanted people to know you were his, he wanted to hold your hand in the paddocks and kiss you for good luck before a race.

Sebastain could feel his heart hammering in his chest as you paced back and forth in front of him, your hands rubbing your arms for warmth. He took a step towards you and grabbed your face with his hands. “Look at me. I want to make us official” you opened your mouth to speak but he cut you off “No listen to me. I need to say this. i don't want to sneakily glance at you during meetings anymore. I want to marry you one day. God! I want to marry you, Y/N! Is that not obvious?”

“Ok” you spoke, a blush rose to your cheeks and you cheekily grinned at him.

‘What?” Sebastian stuttered

“Let's make it official”.

* * *

You and Sebastian had been publicly dating for a little over a year and you were beyond happy. It was currently his birthday and you woke up early to make him breakfast. You both had celebrated the night before and you had to admit you were still sore but you wanted his day to be as special as him.

Sebastian tossed and turned in his sleep, frowning as he felt the cold sheets next to him instead of your warm body. His eyes fluttered open as his eyebrows furrowed. A smile soon made its way onto his face as he smelt the heavenly scent of breakfast. He turned to stand up but immediately sat back down at the sound of your voice. “No! Dont get up!” you pleaded and he laughed at the sight of you struggling to hold the breakfast tray in your hands.

“You shouldn't have, liebe” he muttered as he helped you place the breakfast tray on the bed.

“Maybe” you shrugged as you sat down next to him, “but I wanted to, now go on! Try it!” you encouraged as you practically shoved the plate into his face.

“Okay, okay” he laughed as he defensively put his hands up. You watched him as he put a fork full of food into his mouth, his eyes involuntarily shut as a quiet moan left his mouth. “Mmm marry me” he said once he swallowed the food.

“Is it okay?” you asked nervously as you played with your hands, it was your first time cooking for him and although it was just breakfast, you still wanted to make a good impression.

Sebastians head flipped in your direction, a shocked look plastered on his face. “It's better than okay, darling. Thank you. I love it. I love you”

Your heart fluttered once you heard those three words come out of his mouth. You grinned so hard that your cheeks began to hurt. “Oh god, please say something” he pleaded and he began to think that he spoke those words too soon.

“I love you, Sebastian” you spoke as you wrapped your arms around him and straddled his hips, placing kisses all over his face before finally collecting your lips.

* * *

It was yours and Sebastains anniversary but you both had decided that you wouldn't do anything special, you were just going to get takeout and watch a movie.

You pulled into the house with the food in your hands. You unlocked the door and called out to your boyfriend, “Honey, I’m home!” you joked, locking the doors behind you kicking your shoes off. You placed the food on the table next to the door and turned around, the sight in front of you shocking you as you let out a loud gasp.

Sebastian was kneeling on the floor with a ring in his hand, rose petals littered around him. You couldn't focus on the gorgeous dinner he had laid out on the table or the sweet music playing on the radio, you could only look at his glossy eyes and nervous face.

“Y/N, darling, I love you. I think i've loved you since I first laid eyes on you on that racetrack.” he laughed and looked down at the floor before connecting his eyes with yours again,”You have been with me through my lowest lows and my highest highs and somehow still manage to look at me with a glimmer in your eyes. There's nothing I can’t do with you by my side. So i’m asking-no-i'm practically begging you to finally marry me, for real this time. Will you do me the honours and become my wife?”

You nodded at him with tears in your eyes as you took small steps towards him. “I want to hear you say it, liebe”

“Yes, Sebastian! Of course I’ll marry you”

[hqcult]

SWITCHING POSITIONS ## akaashi keiji

doms and subs are overrated. it's hella fun being a switch and keiji couldn't agree more.

. tw smut, switch! akaashi, switch! reader, some baby girl and baby boy calling, mommy kink, sir kink, drunk sex, unprotected sex (dont try this at home), oral (m receiving), creampies, slight degradation . wc 3.8k

the night is young. as young a night gets for two college students after finals week. while countless people from different frat houses have already invited you to come to their year-end parties, you never really enjoy that scene. it's too much of an effort to dress and doll yourself up when, after such a stressful week, you just want to wind down and get drunk here in your dorm with your best friend. 

plus, keiji tells way more compelling stories than boys you've encountered at parties and that's saying something, considering you had been drunk as a skunk but didn't find them funny at all. 

yeah. offense.

right from the get-go, you figure he's never one for small talk but there's a fondness in his eyes when he talks about his days as a volleyball player. he becomes more loose-lipped, sharing to you memories of his teammates and games. you really didn't care whatever topic he chose to talk about, you just know you'll listen to him anyway. it's great listening to him talk with that comforting voice of his. 

"you know," you lean your head back against the couch, cozying up in your hoodie. "maybe you should start a part-time job as a youtuber. you can be one of those people who do asmr videos or something." you chuckle, finding the random thought amusing. 

"but i'm already on a full-ride. i don't think i need to get a part-time job," he lies comfy on your couch. one arm hanging, hands over the can of beer. 

you sighed staring up at the ceiling. "lucky. it's hard maintaining grades when your professors are a bunch of snobby assholes who don't care about their students."

his knee nudges the back of your head lightly. "don't say that," he scolds. "that's bad. they're still your teachers."

always so polite.

just as you reach forward for another slice of pizza, akaashi speaks again, eyeing you thoughtfully. "well… maybe i can start an asmr channel and we can split the money i earn."

you laugh, torso turning around to face him. you bring the beer can up to offer a toast. 

"see, this is why i love you, keiji."

after clicking his can with yours, you turn around to have a bite of your pizza — completely missing the red flush on his cheeks, thrown off-guard by the strong proclamation you just made, albeit he knows you probably meant it in a platonic way. he didn't know what to say next so he took another swig of his drink. 

he doesn't know. really. what triggered him to look at you as something way more than a normal friend would. for someone so self-aware as him it's frustrating not knowing how and when his feelings for you even changed. because the only time he realized he was knee deep into liking you was when he was also at the brink of losing you. 

which reminds him… 

"what happened to that guy you were texting two weeks ago?" he asks. 

"ah, him? he's too… what's the word, assertive? intrusive? i don't know — it's like he wants to monopolize my time. like he wants my whole world to revolve around him and it's… kinda creepy actually."

akaashi scoffs, sitting up to get a slice of pizza. "you guys were only talking for two weeks."

"i know! that's what i'm saying!" you say, hands wildly gesturing to and fro. he's afraid you might spill the beer. "like — dude. maybe it's either he needs to chill the fuck out or i'm just not into doms. or maybe he's a walking red flag."

he hums thoughtfully, slumping next to you on the floor before dusting his hands off from pizza crumbs. "he's a red flag. obviously."

"okay but random thought: doms are overrated," you reach forward to open another can of beer, thinking out loud. "subs too. i feel like it's kinda tiring being a top as much as it is being a bottom. being a switch, on the other hand, is like getting the best of both worlds and who wouldn't like that? it's some good hannah montana shit."

now akaashi keiji can't help but laugh at that. "are you drunk? how did our conversation end up this way even."

you bump his shoulder, laughing with him before drinking your beer. "oh, come on. humor me a little, keiji. think about it. i'm right. aren't i?"

"and how do you know?" he turns his head towards you. "have you been a top? or bottom —"

"i have," the smile you gave him sent butterflies to his stomach. "both. back in my all-girls high school. being a bottom's not too bad but… eh, still. i'd rather just be a switch. it's exhausting to top all the time."

"don't i know it," akaashi mutters under his breath. flashbacks of all those awkward and embarrassing endeavors filling his mind. "guys are always expected to top. it's like a stereotype. can't i just sit back sometimes and follow orders, too?" 

he feels the heat crawling up his neck and it makes him shrug off his jacket, leaving him with the plain white shirt underneath. 

"i can give you orders."

akaashi almost chokes on his beer. 

"you literally just said it's exhausting to top."

you shrugged. "yeah, but — i mean, it is! it is but… you know."

he can see exactly how embarrassment is taking over your features and he wants to stop and move on from the conversation. he wants to. he should. but there's an inkling feeling inside him that doesn't because he wants to see how this unfolds. his heart is beating erratically and he can't take his eyes off you since that little comment you made. 

"i'm sorry," you chuckle, a dismissive tone in your voice. "nevermind. anyway…"

akaashi shouldn't entertain his thoughts. 

it's improper. you're his best friend. literally one of the few people who he's managed to befriend in college. he can't lose you. he can't risk being awkward with you. his not-so-platonic feelings for you should never get in the way of that. never. plus, you're both intoxicated right now and you were probably just kidding around. akaashi isn't that kind of guy. he respects you. he should dismiss the conversation but —

"then give me orders."

you froze. eyes widening as you stare at the forgotten netflix movie playing on your laptop, unable to look at the man sitting next to you. afraid of the weight of his stare. you didn't know why you blurted out whatever you did a few seconds ago but you never thought he'd entertain it. not that you mind, anyway. this is your best friend we're talking about. well-mannered akaashi keiji with the ocean eyes hiding behind those cute square glasses. 

the akaashi keiji you've been crushing hard on since you saw him at the freshman orientation two years ago. 

"would you… spread your legs for me?"

light rustling can be heard as the microfibers of his socks drag against the carpeted floor. just as you reach forward to push back the coffee table, akaashi beats you to it and does it for you. making sure to push it far so you won't accidentally hit your back on the edges. 

with one smooth swing of your leg, you're sitting snug on his lap. the rough fabric of his jeans grazing your thighs as your hands tremble whilst dragging down the planes of his torso. 

akaashi grabs your hands, stopping you. 

"you look hesitant. you don't need to do this if you don't want to." his tone is low, understanding as always. 

you look at him straight in the eye. leaning forward until your lips are all but grazing each other as you spoke. "i want to. i want you."

you dive down to start peppering kisses down his neck and you hear him let out a shaky sigh. you lick a stripe up the side of his neck before kissing the shell of his ear. "go on, keiji. you can touch me. don't you want to touch mommy?" 

you feel him shudder, his dexterous fingers mapping random lines underneath your hoodie, slowly raking higher and higher until he's saying "mommy, please take it off" in low hushed tones. the blush in his cheeks prominent as he can't seem to stare at you in the eye. so cute. so submissive. so stupid thinking you'll let him undress you so easily.

"did i say you can take it off?" you hiss, reaching down to cup him from over his jeans and shoving his hands off you. "don't tell me baby boy is being bad, are you being bad? i thought my baby keiji's a good boy for his mommy." 

"but… but i am a good —"

akaashi hisses, knees jolting when he feels you tracing circles on the insides of his thighs with the tip of your nails. for someone who just claimed they didn't like topping, you're doing an impeccable job at it and he doesn't know whether or not he loves it or hates it. when your sneaky little hands unbutton his jeans and teasingly pulls the zipper down, okay, no, he definitely loves it. the determined look in your eyes as you pin your gaze on his features, watching like a hawk at every furrow of his brow, of every sharp intake of breath, every time he throws his head back. 

"if you're such a good boy why don't you strip for mommy, hm? won't my baby boy give me a show?" he can't take his eyes off you as you smile, sultry, leaning over to lick at his bottom lip as your ass slowly grinds against his jeans. how merciless you are, when you gave him a peck and pulled away. "go on. strip and sit on the couch."

blindly reaching around the coffee table, you grabbed whatever beer you can hold before raising it up to your lips and staring at him over the rim of the can as he throws his shirt off. you suck in a breath when his abdominals come into view. his torso lean and smooth, siding a little more on the petite size with a tiny waist. and you shamelessly check him out even more when he leans over and hooks his thumbs under his jeans, pushing it down. 

you didn't speak until you saw the black waistband of his boxers.

"those, too."

he pauses, looking a little lost. "i'm sorry, what —"

"everything, baby boy. i want everything off… including those boxers. wanna see your dick throbbing. bet baby boy's already hard because mommy kissed his neck and gave him hickies, isn't he? bet you'll love it if mommy licks you all over, or when mommy rides her baby boy's cute thighs. would my baby keiji like that? would you? does my baby boy deserve it?"

damn were you good at this. the more you spoke the more it's making him ache and he wastes no time in shoving everything down. true to your words he was throbbing. the mushroom tip oozing precum and his dick standing tall. maybe it's the alcohol in his system or maybe it's the desire for you that he had kept locked away for so long, but akaashi can't bring it in himself to feel embarrassed. not when you're looking at him like you want to devour him whole. 

the same bright eyes of his adventurous best friend who's stuck by his side since being wide-eyed first years in this huge university — he'll probably never see you in that same halo ever again, already tainted by the image of you now. 

he sees you swallow, eyes never straying away from his girth and akaashi feels a little proud to have you looking star-struck. when you rise from your seat, his muscles tense in anticipation, staring at your hand as it slowly reaches forward — only to pause mid-air. 

akaashi looks up at you questionably and he sees the unspoken question in your eyes, asking for his consent. and your baby boy's answer was instantaneous.

 "please, mommy. touch me?"

the smile on your face was cocky. definitely cocky as your hand wraps around his girth, the other wrapping around his throat as you coo. "aw, how can i resist when you're asking so nicely? why don't you sit on the couch and i'll grant whatever my baby boy wants, hm?"

he mewls, leaning back on the couch and eyes you with lust. "like this, mommy?" he mutters, desperate. he even tilts his hips up a little to offer you a better view as you hum in approval, straddling his hips as you stroked his cock. 

"such a good boy for mommy, aren't you? how pretty." 

he hisses when he catches sight of you kneeling before him in between his legs, looking at him with the most captivating sultry gaze he's ever seen. "mommy's gonna give you a 'lil prep, yeah? so it won't hurt when i ride your dick, baby boy." 

"yes, momm — ugh." 

akaashi throws his head back when you finally wrap your lips around him. the image of your hollowed cheeks forever ingrained in his mind. his eyes fly close, focusing his attention on your swift tongue as it lies flat against the underside of his cock, taking him eagerly from the base to the tip. your tongue swirls around the head, sneakily poking around the hole where precum oozes out. 

"mommy," he whines when your tongue travels back to his girth, tracing one of the prominent veins in his dick before your hand comes up to play with his balls. "mommy — shit. so good… feels so good…"

it urges you on, hands retracting to wrap around whatever your mouth couldn't cover. his back is arching and you suck him with fervor, eager to push him to the edge, to make him believe you're going to lick and play and suckle until he's creaming around your mouth — only to pull away at the last minute. 

"no!" he moans, looking down at you desperately as you rise from your seat. "i was-i was gonna cum!"

you dismiss him easily with a wave of the hand, too busy shuffling out your clothes. maybe if you had the energy, you would've punished him a few rough spanks but you were far gone already. thoughts of that dick splitting you in half as you ride him consuming your mind like a plague.

akaashi groans when you hop onto the sofa and crash your lips on his. you never would've imagined kissing him this way. sloppy and wet and painfully induced with lust. the stretch is amazing, there was the lightest stinging sensation but was overridden by pleasure. he groans, pulling you close and peppering your shoulders with kisses. 

you grabbed his shoulders and started bouncing on his lap in a slow, stimulating manner that made you feel every vein and curve of his cock as it deliciously drags against your walls. you hear him wine. you hear him talk about how it hurts and how he can't take it anymore. how he needs his mommy to move faster. faster, mommy. please fuck me faster. but you ignored him, so caught up in domspace to see the growing irritation in your baby boy's eyes. to see the sudden shift from clinging onto you so desperately to gripping possessively against the soft flesh of your sides.

the air was knocked out of your lungs when he slams you down on the sofa.

"you dare ignore me?" his face is passive, eyes cold and steely as he pinned you with a dark stare. "time's up. i think you got a tad bit carried away there, don't you agree?" 

"want me to show you how it's done?" you shiver in excitement when he takes your wrists in one hand. his thighs flex as he gets on his knees before hooking your legs over his shoulder, thrusting his dick deeper into you. akaashi bends forward, a hand firmly gripping your face. "i want you to address me as 'sir' and nothing else, do i make myself clear?"

his low assertive tone so painfully attractive you clenched around him as he drills into you with vigor. akaashi chuckles, the low rumbles of his chest stimulating your perked nubs as it grazed against him with every thrust. "yeah, you like that? like it when i speak to you like this? ah, fuck you're so tight. you're pussy's practically choking my dick — look, fucking look, baby girl."

your head grazes his as you both watch his member disappear inside you, getting off at the lewd sight of the glistening sheen of your essence wrapped around his cock and the loud squelching noise it makes when he rams it into you again. you whimper, pulling akaashi down for a kiss as your ankles hook around his back, pulling him deeper as his pace quickens and his balls slap against your skin.

"see that? your pussy keeps sucking me back in. bet you're desperate for my cock, aren't you?" you never thought akaashi to be the type who's into talking dirty, you thought he was the gentle, vanilla type. but alcohol always brings around quite interesting things about a person after getting drunk. 

you cling onto him for dear life as his hand reaches down to draw figure eights against your puffy clit, eliciting the most feral of moans from you that could rival that of pornstars. "sir," you shudder. "please, sir. please."

"please what?" he grabs your lower back, pulling your torso up to hit an angle that makes you see stars. 

"please, let me cum! please."

akaashi clicks his tongue before raising a perfectly plucked eyebrow. "you didn't listen to me when i was the one begging, why should i listen to you?"

your hands wrap around his neck, sobbing against the crook of his neck by the sheer pleasure you felt. he can't understand your mindless babbling. all inside keiji's mind is the feel of your perked nipples grazing his chest and your plush walls wrapping around him so prettily. he never did it raw, having you as his first time doing it without a condom pushed him way over the edge than he wants to admit. 

"be-because — ah — i didn't —"

akaashi hauls you up into a sitting position, arms wrapped around you securely as you straddle him. he yanks you away from his neck, a tight grip wrapped around your throat as he stares straight into your eyes as he fucks up into you, feeling his balls slap against your skin. "what? cock's that good you can't even speak?"

he feels your hips stutter as you sob, tiny hands wrapped around his wrists. you didn't even try bouncing and meeting his thrusts anymore. "sir, please! s'too much! wanna cum —"

"then fucking work for it," he stils his hips. "fuck me back, baby girl. come on. you said you wanted to ride me, didn't you? bet this is what you've been thinking about for the whole night. that's the only thing my baby girl's capable of right? thinking 'bout my cock and nothing else? such a dumb little baby."

your legs quivered and shook as you obliged and pulled yourself half way up, before meeting him halfway and impaling yourself back down his cock. the first time you did it had both of you whining, akaashi quickly threading his hands through your hair to yank your face towards him. he wants to imprint this memory into his mind. to be able to merely shut his eyes and be transported back to the night you both were intoxicated and you let him use your cunt like a fleshlight. 

all sense of manners were thrown out the window as his ocean eyes memorized the way your eyes rolled back when he hits a sweet spot, the way your nose scrunches when the pleasure becomes overwhelming, the way the drool shamelessly trickles down the side of your lips as your tongue sticks out and he so badly wanted to spit but he didn't in fear of making you uncomfortable. everything. he wants to memorize everything. 

"just a little more, pretty girl. you can do it. together, okay? cum before me and you'll fucking regret it."

he grabs you closer, burying your face in his neck and planting his feet firm on the ground as he pistons his cock into you. it's not the heat of your body, or your pretty cries, or the lewd sound of skin slapping that made him cum. no. it was your sheer desperation and vulnerability as you bit his shoulders and yelled at the top of your lungs. 

"keiji!"

he pulled out at record speed and had made a mess on his torso but he was hardly able to register any of these. so fucked out and sated and content to have you sitting on his lap as he stares at your plain ceiling. he doesn't even realize you've dropped down to your knees and started lapping up the essence splayed on his torso until he felt the hot muscle of your tongue. "(y/n) —"

"what happened to baby girl?" you tease, a playful smile on your lips as you meet his eyes. "you were so into it, 'kaashi. you should've seen your face — well, i was… kinda into it too, anyway."

it took akaashi around three seconds for everything to finally sink in, to fully sober up and let the gears work in his head. the realization of what had gone down on your sofa, of the things he told you, brings about an embarrassment greater than anything he's ever felt in his entire life. suddenly, he's shoving you away from him and draping the discarded blanket around your naked form whilst politely looking away. then he quickly covers his soft dick with one of your throw pillows.

"oh, my god. i'm so sorry. this is a mistake — shit — i'm sorry! you see, i've liked you ever since and not as a friend and i swear i'm not the type to just —"

"keiji" you snap him out of it. "i like you too, okay? now don't go around saying it's a mistake or i'm going to throw you off the roof. do you want me to throw you off the roof? right. i don't think so. now, come on! get your sexy ass dressed, we're going somewhere."

"where... are we going?"

"i'm craving ice cream. so for our first date, buying ice cream at 2am!"

[comradeboyhalo]

the 2nd pet war, aka a goldmine for sapnap, punz, and badlands analysis

The stream can be viewed here (Sam’s pov, starts 3 hours in). Full disclaimer, I made this originally to talk about the Badlands, but added bullets about Sapnap and Punz after rewatching the stream. The war occurred during the Pogtopia arc, so it’s pre-nov 16 and pre-egg arc. Also, this is insanely long under the cut.

The war starts when Ant steals a panda from Punz, which Sapnap and Sam were helping to escort. The panda then accidentally dies from Punz’s thorns, and it escalates to a war.

Sam’s loyalty to the Badlands is established right off the bat. He switches to the Badlands’ side quickly, despite being very upset that Ant and Bad engaged in a war while underprepared. The moment Sapnap starts attacking Bad, he runs for pots.

This loyalty is even more impressive considering Ant and Bad didn’t trust Sam to help initially. Sam barely holds a grudge against this, and helps anyway.

Ant gives the panda immediately back when Sapnap starts killing Bad and types “leave Bad alone” in chat. During negotiations, he also hits Punz away from Bad simply because he looks threatening.  (#1 bbh shooter)

Bad goes on the warpath the moment the Skeppy statue gets griefed. This is when Punz hesitates, but ultimately goes along with war. 

Also the way Sapnap just pushes all the blame on Bad instead of Ant….egg lore, anyone?

Ant: Punz killed the panda, they’re just dumb I guess

Punz is MUCH less bloodthirsty than Sapnap. It’s pretty clear that Punz is more upset about the panda’s death, while Sapnap is just eager to get revenge and kill people.

This battle also has copious amounts of stream sniping (from both ends) and combat logging (from everyone but Sapnap, who can’t combat log on the server).

Badlands are wayy less geared but Sam’s trident is so OP that it distracts Punz for majority of the battle. This will later spark Ant and Bad to get their own tridents, which leads them as the only people besides Techno to own tridents (hence their official flag having a trident). Now, of course, pretty much everyone has one.

The use of potions and communication through in game messages is very much a Badlands style of fighting. 

Sapnap: “Punz, you’ve always been my most powerful ally. well, you and Dream” 

Punz canonically grieves by being the cameraman for Sapnap’s destruction ???

Sam’s threats when Sapnap held Fran hostage is the first time we really see a darker side to him and he is dark with those threats.

Bad takes the de facto leader position in negotiations and, in typical Badboyhalo fashion, is both eloquent and extremely stubborn. 

Bad’s negotiation is actually really fun to listen to, because he’s really saying the same things as everyone else, but just in a calmer tone and with professional words. It brings back the “words have power” argument of early L’manberg and c!Quackity. Sapnap and Punz’s argument is solid and honestly a lot of fans agreed that they were in the right, but they just ended up letting Bad lay out the terms for everyone.

“It’s so dumb to argue with you, Bad, you never admit you’re wrong” sibling moment, cc!Sapnap just made this REAL 

They broke character a lot during negotiations and it’s honestly nice to see because during the early improv rp days, the lines still blurred a lot between character and cc.

Sam betraying Sapnap/Punz for the pet war and betraying Tubbo for the L’manberg war feels very much in tune for his character. He still views these people as friends, the Badlands just have to come first.

Punz was very much trying to distance himself from Sapnap’s actions to defend himself. Tbe Badlands, on the other hand, covered for each other even when they disagreed with their actions. Bad calls Punz out on this, actually, for not taking responsibility for his allies.

Bad views the Skeppy statue as the same value as Fran’s life, mainly because he built it together with Skeppy.

Sam  views the entire server as collateral damage for Fran, which has definitely changed in light of the prison and his survivor’s guilt.

Pretty much everyone thought Bad was overreacting over the statue, which is completely understandable, but it really stands out now since everyone thought Bad was overreacting over Red!Skeppy as well.

Bad ends up fixing Punz’s beacon that he broke out of revenge for his statue. While they fix it together, Ant and Sapnap just start whaling on each other as Sam/Punz/Bad watch in confusion. (Sam and Bad still end up helping Ant despite this bc Badlands are loyal yknow)

Ant is the most distrustful out of the three, as well as the most vengeful, which is a great contrast from the person who is building an animal sanctuary. 

Also, the fact that Ant is building a sanctuary for animals, but ends up stealing an animal for the kicks, which leads to its death is perfect irony.

at one point, Techno afks by the spider spawner and lags the server

Bad, after Sapnap claims Techno is on his side: i don’t think you understand what side Techno’s on. I dont think anyone understands what side Techno’s on

the Badlands come out as the winners, and it’s counted as the Badlands’ first win as an official faction.

At the end, the Badlands promise to get Punz a new panda, which leads to this stream I highly recommend. It contains the “Manburg, Pogtopia, who cares?” line as well as just god tier vibes

[percabeth4life]

I am really - really disappointed that writers somehow dont understand their characters at all!

Did they really say that Percy was tragically straight? There are so many instances where he is attracted to boys.

And did they really implied Annabeth as homophobic? A daughters of a Greek Goddess as homophobic? I never really liked how Nico was outed, I wish he came out when he was ready to come out.

The thing I really hate about writers is when they forget their own characters' personalities and as a aspiring writer it is one of my biggest insecurity that I will fail to understand my characters. And I agree sometimes character can be out of character sometimes writers can forget but this was a big leap from their characters.

And the biggest of all did they really try to romanticize solanglo's ableist relationship?

I mean how do you ignore every single red flag????

You're completely valid anon. They really don't understand the characters at all. Granted Rick didn't write the article, his staff did, but the fact that the staff that represents his brand failed to understand the characters so massively-

Well, I'll be honest. I'm pretty sure they had a (or several) solangelo shipper write it, which means it was inevitably going to ignore all the red flags in the relationship and romanticize it. But it's extremely frustrating. The ship is still one of the top ones in the fandom after all.

But the calling Percy tragically straight when a major portion of the fandom interprets him as bi because of all the times he's clearly attracted to guys (more so than even some of his girl love interests)?

And implying Annabeth, the main girl lead in PJO and one of the leads in HOO, who's the daughter of a Greek Goddess and raised in a camp led by a queer Greek God, and is also def bi herself, is homophobic?

And doing so during pride month??

And you're absolutely right. Nico's outing was horrible. His outing was violent and forced and done by a QUEER God. Cupid would never have acted like that. Nico of all people knows that love is cruel, there was no point to making it violent other than for the sake of violence. It was a horrible outing for Nico, and a horrible depiction of Cupid.

Unfortunately determined shippers will ignore and explain away every red flag, and it's... frustrating.

[zeta-in-de-walls]

dont know if this is a hot take exactly, but i hate when ppl call techno's voice "monotone", like actually. it's in literally every fanfic at this point. i don't know how anyone manages to watch his content and come to that conclusion, but it comes across as super judgemental, ESPECIALLY toward adhd + autistic folks

Aaah yeah. Fully agreed. Thanks for bringing it up. Is that really in fanfics that much? I don't really read many of them and that sounds like a red flag for me.

Yeah, I don't really know! It's sounds extremely frustrating. I think the word people are searching for is probably deadpan. (Which generally means saying something amusing in a fairly serious tone for added amusement.) Techno often delivers jokes and one-liners with fairly deadpan delivery which is an excellent part of his humour. This is very different from actually calling him unemotional and his voice monotone which is rather offensive and untrue.

Yeah, I saw a lot of this several months ago but I see it far less now which I am thankful for. I'm hopeful that the community on tumblr at least has learned. I have no idea how to tackle the issue in fanfics though and it sounds really pervasive from what you say.

[manchesterau]

my thoughts after reading my policeman: SPOILERSS of course!! (ignore spelling or grammar mistakes) (this is very ramble-y and not as in depth as it could have been sorrryyy lol, if you want specifics send me an ask after reading this)

okay...so i read the book in 3 days....which....im very proud of myself bc it takes me so long to finish books but that’s not why you are reading this.

im not going to lie to you...i liked the book. i love angst, and this had plenty of it and i liked it. if you like books such as: harry potter, six of crows, red queen, red white and royal blue you will not like this book. i know many people found it boring, which yeah i can see that, but i didn't find it boring at all. but mostly because i love boring books but that's beside the point. 

the book flowed easily, there isn't a bunch of raunchy sex scenes that ive seen people say it has (i...the things ive read idk what book they even read????) and Tom does has backward views on marriage and what it means to be a wife. but he is not overtly sexist or misogynist or abusive, or subvertly those things either. to be frank he's a scared gay man in the 50s trying to not get caught and thrown in jail. that's literally it. (ill go more into detail on him later). but if you want to read this book i recommend you go in knowing that there will be homophobia (the word queer is used as a slur....3 times or 4 but no more than 5), expect outing, expect not supportive characters, and remember to have some compassion (more on this later).

next i want to go into characters: starting with tom, then Marion, then Patrick, and then the other characters. so if you are planning on reading this book or just dont want to be spoiled them....don't read the next bit.

Tom:

I'm going to get this out of the way.........Tom (who we never get to know outside of the two-point of views we are presented with, and who is being played by Harry) is a police officer in the 50s UK. to be frank when the rumors first went around I was mad like a lot of people were, which is funny because when we got those pictures of harry reading the book before all the speculation we were....happy, that he was reading a book about a gay man. now...I don't care honestly. I could call out the hypocrites (i won't) and honestly I'm hypocritical myself. I use to watch shows like svu (if you were to turn it on right now I wouldn't turn it off) and I enjoyed watching svu. I know and have seen a lot of mutuals, people on my dash enjoy cop shows like b99, or who like actors who have played the character of police before. so it would be hypocritical of me to be mad at him (this is just my single black opinion) and then go and turn on svu (which I don't do anymore). 

I'm not saying that no one can be mad, I'm not saying that the anger people have at him playing this role is bad or not needed or valid. all I'm saying is.....is that I don't care. I got angry over this months ago, and all that anger I felt I don't have anymore, and I can't tell you why. Harry is playing an abusive demented husband who traps his wife in a simulation, and then he will play a gay policeman trying not to face persecution..........and that's that. nothing I can say will reach him, he's playing these roles and there is nothing I can do. will I watch them (pirating of course) yes.

anyways let's get back to tom's character (do not use my opinion to silence other black people I will find you....don't do that shit weirdo): tom is......tom?? like I literally was expecting the worst when I read this because of what other people had to say. but as I'm reading him through the eyes of Marion (his wife) and through the eyes of Patrick (his...true love, fuck the 50s I hate the 50s) one word came to mind constantly: scared. Tom is very scared that he will be found out and his life will be ruined. His family knows about him, which is why I think his father (more on him later) pushed him to be in the national service (where he was a cook, which disappointed him). you don't realize his family knows and then his sister says something and then you go 'wait....THEY KNEW???' and then you will go 'oh so that's why-' 

tom does have old fashion views that you would expect of any man at that time (gay or not it's the 50s and gay men are still capable of saying sexist shit). when asked by Patrick if women should still work after having a kid he said no it's the men's job to provide, Marion said she would like to keep working, he said no when they do have a baby (they literally never did, and idk why he thought he could be intimate with her for that long to produce a baby lol). that's....the most sexist thing he said in the whole book (there maybe some small things im forgetting but nothing that really stood out). that's it. I know it's not small and that was a legitimate issue in the 50s but yeah. Just in case you were apprehensive about Tom's character being a raging woman-hater, no,....he just wasn't a true feminist yet (???? I don't know that's like..the most this book says about an issue women were facing at this time). It's still bad what he said (you'll see how Marion justifies it in the book and both Patrick and her don't agree and try and challenge him on his view).

i dont want to go too in depth but it is very obvious from the beginning he has no and i mean ZEROOOO interest in her at all (you can tell when it hits him that he needs a wife and he starts to act a littleee different but it's not romantic at alll). 

i feel like my review on tom is shit but like!! we don't really get to know him without bias from Patrick and Marion. I think Harry will play a wonderful Tom (even tho he doesn't not fit the description for Tom...at all....like at alllll).

To summarize Tom: very scared gay man from the 50s who is trying to do everything he can to not be found out. his family knows, even he knew at a young age, and yes he does quit being a police officer but it doesn't happen as soon as id like but then again he wasn't one for that long if you pay attention to the years.

Marion:

😑 

i just...if yall could see the notes i made on her.....

To summarize Marion: SHE IS LIVING IN LALA LAND, TOM LITERALLY SHOWS HER NO ROMANTIC INTEREST AT ALLL, AND WHEN SHE METS PATRICK FOR THE FIRST TIME SHE FREAKING NOTICES THAT HE'S ALL BLUSH-Y AND SHIT LIKE...GIRL.....

this is a note i wrote that sums up her and tom's relationship (which is more like friends then anything romantic i mean god their honeymoon was horrible and he proposed to her....nvm 😑)

listen...i can't lie and say i didn't feel sorry for her up until the end when she (spoilers: she outs patrick to his employer which ends up with him getting arrested). after that...ive never hated a character more in my fucking LIFEEEE like oh my god i was pissed

all she does is have fantasies about him being romantic with her (holding hands, hugging, etc) and none of them come true...BECAUSE HES GAYYYYYY i really....the author could have done a better job because there were so many damn red flags.

she's fucking annoying and whiny and yeah it sucked to be a woman in the 50s but you literally outed someone your husband was in love with and thought that you could just go back to being married like he's not devastated and instead of telling what you did you stayed unhappy and made your husband thing that at any point they were coming for him too.......*****

Patrick:

PATRICKKKKK

Patrick and tom deserved a fighting fucking chance i hate the fuck 50s fuck you 50s!!!! I absolutely LOVEDDD his pov and seeing Tom through his pov like it was just so damn refreshing seeing the world through his eyes and how he navigates his queerness in the society they live in. (the dichotomy between a proud gay man and a scared maybe proud but fear overrules that (talking about Tom here) gay man).

There was a lot more to say on how gay men were being persecuted at this time than how women were treated in this particular book. There were some little things here and there about what was expected of Marion as a wife and of a girl/woman at that time but it wasn't the focus.

I loved seeing the way Patrick navigated through his world of art and creativity. And how Tom seemed to fit right in with him.

I hate the things the author made Patrick go through (outed, sent to prison, stripped of his job, and later on in the present day he has had 2 strokes in his 70s). it felt a bit much but it's not too distracting (Patricks pov takes place in the past as he writes in his journal). 

Patrick and Julia (more on her later) are my two favorites in the whole book (Tom is third bc he's a very multi-facted character, Marion is not even on the list) and I wish we got a lot more of Patrick's pov.

Other characters!! (speed round bc this is wayyy too long):

Syvlie (Tom's sister): SYVLIEEE IM MAD AT YOUU I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU WHYY WHYYY

Julia: JULIAAAAA QUEEENNN (you'll see why i love her at the end) 

Tom's parents: his father is abusive point-blank. or at least i think he's abusive (verbally). as im writing this i am now realizing that the way Tom's mom reacts to him (sometimes crying) is bc they knew he was gay omg wow.

tom's dad is very much a man's man guy?? Picture a sexist man from the 50s....now picture him with a gay son.....yeah, I'm not surprised Tom went into national service then to the police force. you can tell he didn't want anyone to find out about Tom so he pushed him to do what he thought best and Tom went with it, scared. 

overall: please do not go into this book expected things to be all flowers and rainbows...this is a book about two gay men in the 50s yall.....

there is something to be said about the tragedy that is in a lot of queer stories, I'm more interested in how white these stories are (that's a rant for another time). but I don't mind my policeman, and i think stories like this should be told. because this actually happened (here is a link to em forster's story where the author takes inspiration from, he really had an affair with a policeman!!! who had a wife!!!).

the ending is bittersweet, and i couldn't help but curse for what could have been. Marion could have not outed Patrick (which she instantly regretted), she could have gotten a divorce (she even contemplated it), they could have been more secretive, Julia could have not said what she said. I think Patrick and Tom were sadly doomed from the start, I just wish they had more time together because I loved seeing their love (the little glimpse we got) bloom into something bigger than them.

thank you for reading!! here are random screenshots of my notes as i read this lol enjoy!!

can’t*