#people on youtube keep saying ''he was the bo burnham of his time'' | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

technowoah · 3 years

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Cant Handle This

Quackity's facade keeps breaking, and he tries to keep the pieces together. You're the only one who can make him show his true self

- Quackity x gen neutral reader

- this is a long one yall.

Now playing...

Can't Handle This (Kanye Rant)

Bo Burnham

0:01 ─●──────── 3:29

⚠︎ swearing, angst, mentions of mcyttwt, based on the song above, and ofc its not proofread

Part of my Inside Special!

Quackity sat in his chair currently streaming right now, he seemed like he was having a good time from your spot on his bed. You were currently laying on his bed after he invited you here to relax.

You two had laid in his bed just enjoying eachothers company until he got a call from Tommy saying he was ready for the lore stream which sent Alex into a frenzy. Alex sent out a quick "Im sorry" about the lateness of his stream and then quickly set everything up.

He then started to stream which left you alone on the the bed to your own devices. You were scrolling through Twitter looking at Alex's fans talk about what's happening on the stream and posting screenshots of his character and himself.

You admired him from afar as he ended the lore part of his stream, he took time to type on his phone to text you that he decided to stream longer to talk to his fans. He looked to you and you have him a nod with a smile and he gave one back.

"Hey guys! That's the end of the lore!" He exclaimed to his chat as he types at his computer setting a new background.

You continued to listen to him praise his chat for supporting him and making him be able to make those types of streams. You were always proud of Alex no matter what he did, you were always his number one supporter no matter what happened in reality or on the internet.

"So anyways! I wanted to talk to you guys! How are you all?" He smiled at his camera looking back and forth from his chat.

◇T0mm71nn1t: THE STREAM WAS SO GOOD QUACKITY

"Oh thank you! Im glad I could share this with you. It takes so much to put into these movite type streams, so I know now it is all worth it."

Quackity's pov. . .

He felt so overwhelmed, he shouldn't have began to stream again. The stress of putting everything together, plus being late to the stream made him rush into it more. He just wanted to lay back down with his lover who was enjoying watching him stream, and that's the goal he wants. His goal was to entertain, it was his job and he doesn't want to fail, he doesn't want to crack.

◇Mayatooni3: WE LOVE YOU QUACKITY

◇catiiequak: QUACKITY ITS MY BIRTHDAY CAN I GET A HAPPY BIRTHDAY??

◇yriaaolic: 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

"Happy Birthday!" He said seeing the comment pass in a second. "Happy Birthday to anyone who's Birthday it is today."

Right now it was hard. It was hard to keep up when there was always a constant demand, the constant need to be perfect, his past being brought up, and trying to one-up his content everytime. He loved this, but at the same time it had the same weight as a job.

In the back of his mind he knew the "When is Quackity streaming???" is mostly lighthearted, he never wants to leave.

"Quack are you okay? Im fine! Just thinking about how to get something to eat at 2am." He laughed lying to his fans, he wanted to stop this stream.

He kept looking over to his lover lying their head on his pillow scrolling through their phone and alternating their vision from him and their phone. He always caught a glimpse of their small smile everytime he looked. He was doing something right.

"Do yall think Taco Bell is open? The only problem I have is that Im fucking starving."

He paused for a moment taking a deep breath trying to keep his emotions down. The stress was getting to him, and he fucking knew it, but he didnt stop. He was going to get burnt out eventually and stop streaming and YouTube all together, but he needed this. He needed a break, he needed to take time for himself and stop putting on a happy face when he isnt.

TTS ◇pulixsaxe: "Did you see what was happening on Twitter quackity?"

"Wait what's happening on Twitter?" He asked with a weary laugh.

I can sit here and pretend like my biggest problems are

Pringle cans, and burritos

The truth is, my biggest problem's you,

Your eyes widened as he mentioned Twitter. Truth be told he was trending because of his stream, yes, but also they brung up stuff from his past again in the wake of another content creator's past or present being brought up. You hadn't paid attention to that, you were only getting fueled up from Twitter bringing up an issue that he already had addressed.

Tempted to speak and tell him its fine, he already spoke up before you.

"I bet it's fine! I dont wanna... I don't need to look." He said with a smile. He always had that smile on.

Either it was a full smile or a half smile. It never left his face and it comforted you somehow. Maybe it was that you were his significant other, but you always wondered if anyone saw the same things as you. The things like his smile that never left his face.

"Yeah! I dont need to look at that." He waved his hand dismissing the comment away. He then sighed letting his shoulders relax as you saw his smile fade and his eyes close for a second and immediately put that small smile back on his face while his eyes were glossy, but bright.

He needed to end this stream soon. You saw his face fall then in a split second come back to life except his eyes were glossy with tears. You wondered if anyone else noticed.

"I want to please you

But I want to stay true to myself

I want to give you the night out that you deserve"

His eyes tearful as he tried to blink them away trying to not make a scene.

"Sorry! Allergies ugh!" He said as he wiped his tears away claiming them as allergies.

"Are you crying? No! Im not a pussy!" He yelled at his chat in a joking manner.

He was crying and he felt weak. He felt emotionally weak, and weak as in not strong, he didn't feel strong and his lover who was sitting on his bed with a concerned look on their face always told him that it's okay to feel weak. The only meaningful thing is how you pick yourself up, they always told him, bur now he felt at rock bottom.

He wanted to give his fans "himself", the goofy, lovable, loud, quick-witted, Quackity. But then again his lover always told him to separate Quackity from Alex. He wanted to give himself to his audience, he wanted to be authentic and share himself, but he cant. Alex isn't all laughs, he is serious, calmer, and when he gets on the screen is when he lets it all out then goes back to his more calmer self. That's not what they want.

"But I want to say what I think

And not care what you think about it"

Giving himself meant dialing back, he wants to tell how hes actually feeling, he wants to say what he thinks about Twitter, what he thinks about certain friends, about his fanbase, and then leave it alone. He wanted to delete social media and then speak his mind without knowing what anyone is saying about it. It was paradise to him, but of course it cant be that way and that's what he hates. He feels like a actor when he really wants to be himself.

"A part of me loves you,"

Alex loved his fanbase, he had such a supportive fanbase that loved his content. Some of them did atleast he didn't fully know, but they gave him the courage to do this time and time again knowing that his content is at least taking them from the harsh reality of real life for a few minutes or hours. This was the reason he did this, for them.

Alex would never admit this but they boosted his ego too, it would for anyone. The fact that there were people who wanted and enjoyed content from him made him feel good about himself.

"part of me hates you"

He hated the contant criticisms, he hates that they feed his ego so much that it makes him want to stream more to feel good about himself and to make people get away for awhile. Alex knew inside of his heart he couldn't truly hate his fanbase, they gave him everything he ever wanted. He hates them for that and that's such a scary thing. He never fails to wonder if he did the things to deserve all the love and hate he gets.

"Part of me needs you,"

They feed his ego, they make him want to go above and beyond. Alex knows that his fanbase is the reason he is here in this chair infront of three expensive monitors. He knows that this is some sort of a job that he needed. He needed the push to keep going and that was them, it was the 200k people watching his stream watching him answer questions about him and

"part of me fears you"

He was fearful of loosing himself to them. Loosing his authenticity to them was something he feared. He didnt want his funny, loud persona to consume him and make him forget about Alex instead of Quackity. He fears what they think as well, he claims he doesnt care, but he does he wants to please them. It feels like two parts of his brain fighting about if he should care or not.

"And I don't think that I can handle this right now"

The text-to-speech bot continued to speak out people's comments that theu paid for while he sat there quietly. He bit his bottom lip trying to not break down infront of everyone he needed to be strong. He needed to be strong.

If he looked up at the camera everyone would see his tears, they would see him breaking.

He played it off as he brough his shirt up to wipe the tears away, claiming it as sweat.

"Im good! Im sorry I spaced out for a second." He shook his head.

He saw you look at him with that same concerned look on your face. As he switched his gaze between you and his computer, he felt his tears come back again.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

"Alex." You tried to get his attention.

"Yeah guys Im fine!"

"Alex"

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

"I have plans later for another lore stream, so Ill start doing that later tonight."

"ALEX!" You yelled and his head turned around to face you.

"What?" He laughed, biting his lip again.

You couldn't stop him doing this, you could try to course him into going to bed, but right now you couldn't find the words. You just stared at him while he looked at you with a somber smile trying to tell you that he was okay.

He felt his mind telling himself that he need to rest. He wouldnt allow himself to and thats why he was breaking down.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

Alex was blinking rapidly trying to keep his breathing and tears at bay while he answered his fans.

"My allergies are fine! And I drank water today."

◇moonchild21: WE LOVE YOU

◇sopusand: Why do you look like that?

◇wuackityoo: are you crying??

"Crying is for the weak! I am a strong manly man! Im crying cause I noticed how alpha I am!" He tried to play it off as a "Im a man" joke but you could see right through it.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

You had sent a quick text to Alex which told him to end the stream for his own mental health, but he left the message unread. He began sniffing and the wiping his eyes again. It was a wreck and you couldn't seem to stop it without literally dragging him out of his chair.

Meanwhile the screens were getting to Alex. Alex's eyes were getting tired of the bright screens and the rapid messages that popped up on the screen overwhelmed him for what it seemed like the first time ever in his strraming career. He wanted to give them the fun night they deserved and wanted, but he knows it's getting hard to. He dosent know how long he can keep this up.

As Alex kept joking around about his eyes and physical state the chat was filled with "LMAO" and "HAHAHA" which fuled him more and then at the same time makes him want to stop.

Look at them, they're just staring at me, like

"Come and watch the skinny kid with a

Steadily declining mental health, and laugh as he attempts

To give you what he cannot give himself"

He cannot give himself the luxury of happiness. As he went on with his career it became more and more like a chore, there was mostly down days and of course there were up days, but recently Alex gave his fans the happiness and laughes they wanted while when he turned off the camera he couldn't replicate that same energy as he had before.

It messed him up, he felt himself become separated from his streaming. He wasn't being himself anymore he was being Quackity and that became more apparent as the days passed. He wanted to be himself on camera and at first thats what he thought he was doing. He was himself then it turned into a persona.

Alex wasn't okay and he he needed to take a break from the internet for a while, but he tries to act like he dosent have a dilemma going on inside of his head everytime he sits in this seat. Its for the fans.

"Think that I can handle this right-

I don't think that I can handle this right-

They don't even know the half of this right-

They don't even know the half of it"

"Alex you need to end the stream. Please?"

He looked towards you again where you moved your position from the middle of the bed to sitting up on the end of the bed.

"Ive told you millions of times." He paused for a moment looking down at his lap before looking back up to you. "Im-Im okay." He nodded trying to convince you.

"But I know I'm not a doctor, I'm a pussy, I put on a silly show

I should probably just shut up and do my job, so here I go"

"Cant you belive them!" He laughed to his camera. You scoffed at his comment but still kept an eye on him as he talked.

You didnt need to baby him at all, but right now you were worried about your lover.

Alex continued talking and talking, which you drowned out. You were focused on his face and how he faltered time to time just showing a small frown.

He laughed and showed them a good time even though he was hurting. He kept going and going and you were convinced he was going to hold out until you heard him sniff multiple times while trying to make a joke about the new Minecraft update and how the glow squid has no use.

"Stupid ass squid! Why- why? Its no use expect for glowing ink. Who voted for that!?"

You can tell them anything if you just make it funny, make it rhyme

And if they still don't understand you, then you run it one more time

"Dumbass squid!" He pulled up a picture if the squid as he yelled at it.

You began to worry even more as you saw tears running down his face. He quickly tried to wipe them away, but he knew everyone saw.

Handle this right

You don't even know the half of this right now

Right now (Haa!)

Now

Handle this right

I'll handle this right, I handle this right now

Alex leaned back in his seat and had a blank stare towards the monitor. Looked down for a second and then you heard sobbing coming from his spot. Alex had his head in his hands and was crying harshly into them.

He had finally broken, he couldn't stop the tears from coming and the loud sobs that came from his mouth. He was trying to desperately breathe in to be able to sob, but ended up hiccuping while doing so.

Your eyes widened as you rushed to him resting your hand on his knees and you kneeling infront of him.

"I cant do fu-fucking anything!" He yelled into his hands.

"Hey! I know. Its okay." You tried to console him.

"Its not I try so hard! And I-"

You cut him off. "You are a hard worker Alex and you deserve a week or two off. Take care of you self babe." You stood up bringing his hand with you and trying to make him stand up. He followed your movements and stood up with you putting his head on your shoulder crying into it.

"I just ca-cant right now!"

"You dont have to do anything right now babe."

"Im sorry!" Alex sobbed.

"Dont be." You said bluntly trying to get your lover to calm down.

You rubbed his back soothingly as he sniffled into your shoulder. "Im sorry for ruining your shirt." He tried to laugh through his tears.

"Dont be sorry! Please. You just need rest okay?" You kissed his forehead and he nodded in response.

Alex raised his head up an started to pepper kisses all over your face as you laughed. He gave you one last peck on the lips as he walked away to quickly change into night clothes. You smiled as he laid underneath the covers and continued to softly cry into his sheets. At least he was in bed and not makijg himself even worse.

He couldn't stop the tears from flowing, it was like a flood that could only be stopped with time. He felt like a boulder was lifted off his shoulders only to be replaced with smaller rocks. The smaller rocks was the guilt he held. He felt guilty of making his lover worry about him, he didnt want you to worry.

You rushed over to his desk and turned off the stream and his computers not even bothering to give them a goodnight or goodbye. After the computer lights were turned off it was quite dark in the room except for small light.

Finally you were where you wanted to be all day, in bed with Alex. But this wasnt the predicament you wanted.

"Forgive me. I just cant do shit right can I?" His eyes were still full of tears and he was getting tired.

"Alex dont listen to anyone but yourself." You tried to console him.

"That's what I'm telling myself."

Silence filled the room as you looked at him through tearful eyes of your own.

"Alex, you're so amazing and I cant even tell you how much I appreciate you, and how much you change my life. You do so much shit right its scary sometimes. Some days I think you're perfect, but there's-"

"There's no such thing as perfect." Alex finished your sentence.

"Exactly! Even the best people have their downfalls, they just dont show it. And Alex I know you struggle with that! All I can say is that I love you for you." You finished.

"Can I talk to you about my dilemmas?" He tried to laugh again.

"Tomorrow we can talk. We both need the rest." You said to him as he closed his eyes and nodded in response. He gave you a kiss on you lips before laying back down to sleep.

"Thank you."

"Thank you

Good night

I hope you're happy"

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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 2 years

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I’m pretty late to watching Bo Burnham’s Inside, which is weird because I loved Bo Burnham when I was younger. He and I are the same age, as I was reminded when I heard him sing about turning thirty during lockdown, and how much fun it used to be to get a bit of a smug sense of satisfaction from telling people "yeah I was born in 1990”, and all the people born in the 80s would say “Oh my God you’re a 90s baby you’re so young”, and how in the last several years that sense of satisfaction is very much gone and now I’m actually 31.

The fact that Bo Burnham and I were both born in 1990 means I did laugh a lot at his song from Inside that was about that phenomenon, but it also means he hit other ages at the same time as I did, back in the day. YouTube was just getting big and popular when he and I were teenagers, and he was this teenager who made funny songs on YouTube that my nerdy friends and I used to love watching because back then only nerds knew about things like YouTube. Then as I got out of high school he started making actual albums and had more of a budget to produce his songs and then there were actual comedy specials. I haven’t seen or heard every single thing he’s done, but I’ve seen and heard a lot of it, and I first saw and heard many of the things he’s made around the time they came out, when I was the same age he was, so there’s a lot of nostalgia attached to all that.

I sort of avoided his Inside special when it first came out because I’d read that it was pretty heavy and I weirdly had this sense of wanting to preserve Bo Burnham in my mind as the nerd I watched when I was younger. But I decided today was the day to watch it, and I’m glad I did. I’m realizing now that the rest of what I have to say on this subject will get long and rambly, so I’m putting it behind a “keep reading” link.

I wanted to watch this special from the perspective of someone who appreciates sort of pretentiously self-aware meta comedy, fully prepared for the emotional bits and able to see from an appropriate intellectual distance. I was able to keep that up until I got to the “Look Who’s Still Inside” song, and then the “My Whole Family Thinks I’m Gay” guy from that song from when I was in high school very nearly made me cry. There were maybe a couple of tears.

It’s a way of looking at the pandemic that resonates with me, but that I’d never thought of before. Not just that I’ve never put into words before - I’ve never specifically thought of this phenomenon, and that annoys me, because like all fans of Bo Burnham I like to think I’m smarter than other people. That’s what Bo Burnham was, when I was younger. Music for kids who weren’t doing great in life generally, but were convinced that this was all okay because they liked smart things and really they were better than all the cool kids because they were smart. They spend all their time reading and analyzing and thinking about things instead of going out and having fun - there’s supposed to be a reward for that. And the reward for that is supposed to be that it makes them smarter than other people. And now they’re adults who have grown up enough to realize they’re not better than everyone else, and thinking they were smarter than everyone else was just a teenage coping mechanism because they needed some explanation for why they couldn’t fit in with everyone else, but they’re still pretty stuck on the need to be smart. I mean, not every single person who’s ever enjoyed Bo Burnham’s comedy is like that. By my high school friends and I were.

So given all that, part of me does get a little annoyed when someone points out a perspective I’d never thought of before about something I think about a lot. And the psychological effects of the pandemic on people like me - that’s something that I have had no choice but to think about a hell of a lot during the last two years. And Bo Burnham found a way of looking at it that I hadn’t specifically thought of before, but it’s very true.

youtube

The first bit - yeah, that got me emotional, but to be fair that’s easy. From the age of 8 to 14, I spent almost all my time in my bedroom, except when I had to leave it for meals or school or sometimes I went on bike rides. I spent hours and hours and hours at a time just lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, listening to music and thinking about things. Reading books and thinking about things. Going on the internet as it existed back in those late 90s/early 00s years, looking at what all the other inside kids on there had to say (it was only inside kids on the internet in those days because internet only came in the form of big computers that couldn’t be taken outside), and thinking about things. Writing out hundreds of pages in Word documents that were my journals, and thinking about things. Sometimes I went out my room to watch my dad’s DVDs of various sitcoms from the 70s and 80s. But then I immediately went back in my room to think about things. I used to write in my journals about feeling trapped in my head, about how I had all this stuff going on in my brain but it couldn’t get outside of that, and when I was outside my bedroom and around other people I couldn’t tell them anything or be part of anything. This was before my Asperger’s diagnosis, which at least gave me an explanation for that. Before then, I just spent hours and hours trying to think of my own explanation for why the things that worked for other people didn’t work for me, and I couldn’t come up with anything.

So yeah, I can’t give Bo Burnham too much credit for getting me emotional by describing those “inside kids”. It doesn’t take that much to make me remember those years I spent in my own room and in my own head and make me feel things about that. A screenshot of a Harry Potter message board from 2003 can do that.

See? One look at that and all of 2003 instantly comes back to me and then I have some emotions about it. Triggering that reaction in me is not difficult or impressive.

It’s the rest of the song that got me. Because remembering 2003 makes me remember 2004, when I started high school and started this sport that I still do, or still did until COVID hit, and am just on the brink of starting again. And 2005, when I was starting high school and found other nerds like me there and made friends for the first time. Friends who wanted to do things like sit in basements watching silly Bo Burnham videos so we could feel smarter than everyone else. And then I remember how I got close to those friends, and I got into that sport, and then I made other friends though my sport and became deeply socially ingrained in the interconnected community there, and then I was out of my own room and out of my own head. For most of my adult life, I’ve been coaching a team of mostly teenagers, and I’m always drawn to the quiet ones, the ones with mental health struggles, the ones who need help getting drawn out of their own heads. Because helping others to make that journey out that I did is the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.

Bo Burnham was singing this song about being a kid who lived entirely inside, spending all that time in his own room, before breaking out of his shell - fairly standard stuff, still emotional. But the bit that absolutely messed me up was the “Look who’s inside again” line. When he brought it back around to the pandemic, and to the fact that this whole special is about being stuck inside during COVIDtimes.

I hadn’t looked at it that way before. I have thought about how, in the last ten years, I’ve gotten away from the nerdy interests I used to have, mostly because work and coaching my sports team and having a social life has made me too busy. I continued to be “the nerdy one” among most of the people I knew, because most of the people I knew were from my sports community and most of them had never had any level of nerdy interests. But I had started spending a lot more time outside the house and a lot less time inside my bedroom, analyzing the hell out of every single thing in the world.

I’d realized that, of course. I’d realized that the pandemic has given me a chance to reconnect with the twelve-year-old me who spent an entire year on Harry Potter message boards and reading every single page of those books over and over and over and writing in journals. What is this blog if not basically that same thing, but with a different aspect of British media? Let’s... let’s hope this bit of media stands the test of time a little better than my last one.

But I’d never thought specifically of how the pandemic had closed the outside world back off to me, and really put me back to what I was before I got out there. My instinct is to say “Well this time it’s different, I’m choosing to spend all my time on this really specific nerdy thing, but now I’ve been to the outside world so I know I can do that and have it as an option but I’m choosing to do this.” But of course that’s not the case. The outside world hasn’t been an option for two years. Whether that option was closed off because of my own mental state or because of a deadly disease or because of... these days it’s become a bit of both, the result is the same. I’d thought before of how I’ve gone back to having time to get really really into my nerdy interests, but I hadn’t really thought of how much this time has had me completely regress to being the person I was before I got into the outside world at all. The person who spends all my time in my bedroom and leaves it only when I have to and looks at the outside world through a screen or through a window but that’s it. The specific line “Look who’s inside again” - that was when I did tear up a little.

And that was when I messaged a friend who’d been bugging me all day to go have dinner with him and a couple of our other friends who are in town temporarily. I’d been saying no, even though COVID numbers are down in my area and it’s pretty physically safe. I’d been saying no because I’m not used to being outside anymore and it scares me. For the first time in two years, we’re getting to a point at which holding practices and tournaments for my sport is actually pretty safe, and I should be going back (they’ve actually been hosting practices for a long time now, and I didn’t go to those because I thought they were unsafe, but that’s not really true anymore), but I’ve been resisting doing so because I’m scared. I’ve gotten so used to being in here and in my own head that going back to being part of the real world feels terrifying.

Anyway, after I finished watching Bo Burnham’s Inside, I messaged my friend and I said I will, in fact, accept his invitation to go have dinner at a pub that’s about a six-minute walk from my house with him and two other people. Little steps. Thanks, Bo. I think I needed that push.

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onwater · 3 years

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have yall ever seen bo burnham perform "art is dead" in a room full of rich celebrities, actors, and artists? youtube link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Le0vB1TgOjw

this was so fucking insane to me because the song's a critique of the commercialization of creativity and art and about his guilt that he's played into this system and that as a certified "attention addict" he's paid to indulge in his habit while poor families rot so you'd think this would be a good opportunity to knock some sense into these people but it just... doesn't process for them?

i think this video is best watched twice, once for bo's performance and once to exclusively focus on the audience. they keep laughing at the song, interpreting it as some sort of joke, but every time they do, bo's performance gets progressively more unhinged/angry and he smashes the keys of his piano and starts missing tons of notes. when he says a line about selfish assholes, he turns to stare at the audience, and towards the end of the song, he even changes some of the lyrics from "i" to "we" to try to signal that he's talking about both them and himself.

this video is evidence that rich people have no empathy. he sings a line about a low income family starving and you can hear the giggles and the laughter and it's absolutely insane. if you watch the audience closely, you'll see some people lose their smiles towards the end as they start to get that it's not some kind of comedy routine and that the song is about guilt they should be feeling and directly addressing, but the vast majority of the audience is still giggling even as he's pleading in the song for god to forgive him. i think this picture from the video sums this whole ordeal up nicely:

from left to right: a rich woman who does not fucking get it, bo burnham smashing the keys as he gets angrier and angrier, and a person who has definitely gotten the point and is currently processing their guilt

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beansprouts · 3 years

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Bean's Eurovision 2021 Song Ranking: Part 1

My first eurovision post got a handful of notes, so as I teased, here is my full ranking of all 39 songs in this year's Eurovision Song Contest! Separated into a handful of parts for my own sake, and to build hype :)

>Part 1< | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

A few mentions before I start: (1) I live in America so I won't be voting; I technically could by manipulating SIM cards but that feels against the spirit of the thing, (2) I made this ranking based on the songs themselves before we knew how they would be staged at Rotterdam. (3) Some of these opinions are spicy, especially here in the bottom of the rankings. music is inherently subjective. please don't yell at me >///<

Ranking Numbers 39-30 Under the Cut (in reverse order)

39) El Diablo - Elena Tsagrinou [Cyprus] We start this list already spicy, since El Diablo is some folks' top choice to win. I will not deny that the chorus is catchy as hell, but like... that's what you get when you directly rip off Lady Gaga. The verses, though, are not just bad, they are actively offensive. Did everyone putting El Diablo as their number one miss the lines "Hotter than sriracha on our bodies / Ta-taco tamale, yeah that's my mood / All this spicy melts my ice edges" ? Yuck, no thanks. Oh, and in case you want some cringe to go with your racism, there's a fucking squirrel/elmo voice at the end. I thought we had outgrown that in the mid-2000s? It doesn't even accomplish anything rhetorically (but that checks because there's absolutely nothing artistic about this song).

38) Amen - Vincent Bueno [Austria] I'm sorry, I know I'm biased but I just can't take seriously a song that starts with "amen....I guess." It's too trite. It is literally preventing me from even engaging with the rest of the song. I have a feeling this will rise in my ranking after the contest itself because Vincent Bueno is a very good singer and performer, but for now I can't. Sorry.

37) I Don't Feel Hate - Jendrik [Germany] For an escapee from the lanky whiteboy youtuber cloning facilities, Jendrik seems nice enough. But he cannot be absolved of his responsibilities for this sparkly fecal matter of a song. It's the same kind of fucked up "let's reduce bigotry to hatred and pretend it can be ignored" as Taylor Swift's You Need to Calm Down. Privilege songified. I Don't Feel Hate only escaped being last in my ranking because the ukulele solo and whistles are stupidly catchy.

36) The Lucky One - Uku Suviste [Estonia] Cheesy and depressingly heterosexual. I am asleep.

35) You - Tornike Kipiani [Georgia] Remember how in my last post I mentioned not liking ballads, and prefering higher energy numbers? This is definitely that kind of ballad. I find it hard to rate because I feel exactly no emotional response to it whatsoever.

34) omaga - Benny Cristo [Czech Republic] Poor Benny Cristo. I actually really liked his song last year, it was cute and genuine, all the things that omaga just....isn't? Like, here you've named your song after an "oh my god!" exultation of love, right, and yet the rest of the song is so incredibly vague that it doesn't feel like there's any love involved in the process whatsoever. It's the kind of pop song that Bo Burnham was satirizing with Repeat Stuff, a plastic mockery of a real emotion. And almost a bop.

33) Embers - James Newman [United Kingdom] I've been told this is the UK's first time trying in a while, which is a little yikes for me, chief, because this is one of the most generic pop songs I've ever heard. Feels like it was written by a Markov generator. I mean, it's not...bad, it's just kind of, like, a Times New Roman of a song.

32) Here I Stand - Vasil [North Macedonia] When I saw NikkieTutorial's interview with Vasil I instantly felt horrible that I placed him so low in my ranking, because the dude is so charming and seems like such a true artist. And yet, despite knowing I enjoy it while watching it performed, I have forgotten this song existed and had to look it up to remember it so many times. Even now I can't recall anything from the melody. I'm sorry Vasil...

31) Voy a quedarme - Blas Cantó [Spain] This is another perfectly unmemorable ballad, but I gave it more points for being in Spanish.

30) Amnesia - Roxen [Romania] I'm a bad Romanian-American for putting Roxen so low. But I have my reasons. It irks me that people keep comparing Roxen to Billie Eilish... Billie's music is avant-garde, it's shock value, it's edgy and off-kilter and violent at times. There's nothing edgy about Alcohol You or Amnesia; they're just repetitive piano pieces with slightly unconventional song structure and a juvenile sense of melody. Have we so lost our sense of genre that any young girl singing about her emotions is Billie Eilish now? If Roxen is emulating the style of any Top 20 American artist, I would say that's Christina Perri. Like A Thousand Years, Amnesia is emotional but not raw, and as such feels a little boring. And unfortunately Roxen kind of mumbles, so she doesn't even have Christina Perri's vocal prowess to lean on... That being said, I actually do like the lyrics themselves. As poetry I like Roxen's work. And Amnesia resonates harder than Alcohol You does (at least to me). I'm not going to say that any of her songs are bad, I just don't vibe with the style very much.

#esc 2021 #eurovision #beansprouts commentates #music review

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the-songs-of-my-life · 3 years

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Bo Burnham - Welcome to YouTube

Before YouTube, I walked through life, and now I frolic. YouTube’s been like a father to me, except YouTube’s not an alcoholic. Before YouTube, I was just a skinny white kid that thought he was funnier and cooler than he actually was. And now, well, not much has changed, but I have a shitload of money. Because YouTube is a place for people to share their ideas. If by people, you mean thirteen-year-old girls, and by ideas you mean how they love the Jonas Brothers. I’m just kidding, but let’s be honest, that’s a hefty majority. And if you don’t believe me, well, you must be a noob. So, welcome to YouTube. And you don’t know what you’re missing; just try searching “women kissing.” It’s YouTube. It’s what this country’s been needing, a generation of kids who don’t waste their time reading. Am I the only one who thinks that Lisa Nova’s hot? And Chris Crocker’s not, he’s hotter. Most of the best YouTubers are either Asian or their gay, so there’s an untapped YouTube celebrity and his name is George Takei. And your favorite coat’s got a doo-doo stain; I pray to god that that’s chocolate rain. And I find videos of babies laughing a bit intrusive. Because Barack Obama won the election because of YouTube. Wait, did I say YouTube? I meant the black vote. And I think YouTube and Fred are so cool! And What the Buck will be back in a Jiffy Lube. So, welcome to YouTube. Welcome to YouTube. Hey, welcome to YouTube. I said listen and linger. Charlie the Unicorn just bit my finger. It’s YouTube. The impact is evident. Miss Teen South Carolina just ran for vice president. Upload a video, you’ve got nothing to lose, except all of your friends and the approval of your parents. “Hi, my name is Mary, and I’m nineteen years old, and I got drunk at a party, and I think someone was videotaping it, but I don’t want anyone to see it ‘cause I showed half of my boob!” Sorry Mary! Welcome to YouTube. Say hello to YouTube, and goodbye to your college scholarship. And if your video doesn’t appeal to me, you gotta change the keyword. Welcome to YouTube. Oh, I said welcome to YouTube. Yeah, and it’ll keep on going, and it’ll never stop until it’s privatized.

#bo burnham #2009 #welcome to youtube #lyrics

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enduringsea · 3 years

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( rules: you can usually tell a lot about a person by the kind of music they listen to! put your music on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, then tag 10 people! no skipping! ) / tagged by @yellowcrumpet ╭( ･ㅂ･)و )))

Thanks for the tag! I LOVE these things-- I don’t rlly have a playlist either though, just a mess of music files on a device I haven’t updated so I’ll be checking my YouTube history too lol. There’s a uhhh.... pattern to be found, mainly relating to Code Vein or other OCs.... which isn’t surprising ._. ;; I made it a separate post bc I knew this was going to get long and rambly with lyric snippets and crying about fictional characters, sorry :D

1. Repeat Until Death - Novo Amor don’t go / you’re half of me now / but i’m hardly stood proud / i said it, almost oh i’ve been low / but damn it i bet it don’t show / it was heaven a moment ago oh i can’t seem to let myself leave you / but i can’t breathe anymore This one gives me Loubeth vibes ok, partially bad end route ;-; While Elizabeth is a very strong person, her friends are the most prominent reason she tries to do anything at all & isn’t living day-to-day in a monotonous grind to survive without a solid purpose other than ‘help random ppl bc it’s the right thing to do’. If she loses them, it’d ruin her & hammers into her head how everything she’s ever done has been a failure. She suffered a major betrayal by her boss before the Collapse, she was unable to fully participate in proj. queen despite her incredible test results, she failed to defeat Cruz and take her blood during Operation Queenslayer, and if she fails to protect the people she’s finally found meaning with? She’d break down completely & destroy herself to save them. She’s always had some level of abandonment issues, and without her family around it’s so much worse, even if it isn’t the most obvious because she’s generally seen as very well put together-- I really can’t express how much it would hurt her to lose Louis, Yakumo, and the others. She’s just not one to show just how bad it can truly get for her mentally and emotionally-- she’s resilient as hell, she’s been through hell repeatedly and survived it all, so it’s easy for others to assume she’s fine all things considered. It makes her feel weak and ashamed of herself if she shows any level of vulnerability, so she doesn’t; she swallows it down and is afraid of disappointing those who look up to her as a fighter and friend-- of course, no one at Home Base would blame her for being vulnerable, they all have their moments, Bethy just sets herself to such a high standard it’s difficult for her to talk about her own suffering in spite of how well-versed she is in getting her thoughts and feelings across otherwise. Louis is the one most keen to how deeply she’s hurting, but he doesn’t understand just how deeply until she finally does fall apart. The final swell of the song and its desperate lyrics really relays the pain they both feel-- Louis too would not fare well if something happened to Elizabeth, because he blames himself she was even involved in Operation Queenslayer for a long time, I honestly did so bad in explaining coherently, this song just has so much emotion and hurt behind it adklfjdfdff </3

2. Looking Out For You - Joy Again this is a love song for a girl who will never know it’s about her she's beaming that smile / all the while i’m all tripped up on my own throat i guess there is no hope This song reminds me of Elizabeth & my friend’s character Takashi Fujioka, who gets-- vERY...FRIENDZONED, for lack of a better word, by Elizabeth in his story, it’s really summed up best as tragic (;﹏;) Before the Collapse they were hitting it off, then the Collapse happened, they were separated, he lost his sisters, Mido happened, he was experimented on + became a revenant, etc, etc; years have passed since then & she’s gotten her life together as much as one can in a world like Vein, but for Takashi it’s like no time has passed at all. Elizabeth is subtly older in appearance, she’s been working w Lou & Co. for a long time; Loubeth blatantly have a connection, & rather than bringing up his feelings + making it awkward bc he values their friendships, he just kinda. chokes on them & does his best to help out the team. It doesn’t help he can’t even be jealous bc Louis is a really solid friend to him too, IT’S JUST A MESS OF A SITUATION & the death of what could have been if things were different.

3. Closer - Teagan And Sara ( no lengthy explanation for this one thank goodness, I’ve just been watching BoJack Horseman again and I really like some of the songs they add in, I like listening to this one on loop when mindlessly coloring something )

4. Brutal - Olivia Rodrigo all I did was try my best / this the kind of thanks I get? they say these are the golden years / but I wish I could disappear ego crush is so severe / god, it's brutal out here I have it on a playlist for Elizabeth somewhere, not all of it applies to her but it reflects some of her struggles she has both before & after the collapse. She’s-- always kind of been a mess while under immense pressure + has serious self image issues, this song hits that side of her well. She’s been held to humanly impossible standards by both herself and her family bc frankly? She can reach them, she’s NOT exactly human. She was born into her position as a hunter & intends to keep it for as long as she lives (like revenants, her kind is very much ‘either gets killed or lives 5ever), even if some days she really feels how heavy the burden can be. She didn’t have a normal childhood and she’s fine with it for the most part, but it alienates her from most of her peers-- she never got to date anyone, never had a close group of friends, never went to parties that weren’t formals, etc., while she feels a little childish about it, she does envy ‘normal’ and understands the pressure she’s lived under her entire life has caused damage-- she has been exploited for her abilities, there’s just not much she can do about it but to keep going, rlly.

5. Freaks - Surf Curse don't kill me / just help me run away from everyone i need a place to stay / where i can cover up my face don't cry / i am just a freak / i am just a freak UhhhHHH this song really makes me think of Oliver Collins :D;; thank TikTok for showing it to me. It makes me think of how scared he was, of both the world and the revenants who captured him. The song’s use of the word ‘parasites’ really makes me think of Revenants and the BOR parasites XD I’m hoping when I poke my video editor again, I can record some Oliver footage to make a short video to this song. Oliver deserves so much better, I wish you could save him, but that’s what AUs are for, hahah.... The second half of the lyrics make me think of the AU I have where he lives and has to grapple with the guilt of surviving and the things he did to other revenants to get by too.

6. All Eyes On Me - Bo Burnham you say the ocean’s rising / like i give a shit you say the whole world’s ending / honey it already did you’re not gonna slow it / heaven knows you tried got it? good / now get inside I haven’t seen the Netflix special yet but I’ve had this song on repeat since my move started. The lyrics hit too hard & resonate with my existential dread, covid exhaustion, and extreme burnout in my 20s, but bc I have Damage I can also relate it to CV ._. ‘you’re not gonna slow it, heaven knows you tried. got it? good now get inside’ makes me think of--;; the bad end route again, and Elizabeth’s desperation to keep her found family together. It’s not like her to completely stop caring about an issue, but in the moment she realizes what’s being taken from her? She doesn’t want to save all of revenant-kind if it means she’s going to wind up alone all over again, her world is effectively over if she’s forced to be alone again. The MC frenzying means the only immediately identifiable hope she had of saving everyone else is gone, so why not just go home? If they’re all doomed, she wants to at least be together for a little while longer, it’s fine if they use her blood to survive & everyone else in the mist is out of luck, it’s soul-crushing bc I’ve never had her in a situation where she’s been this reckless, despondent/hopeless, and thinking irrationally where it’d impact more than herself-- especially when she’s normally goal-oriented, organized, meticulous, so on so forth: she’s not one to act without thinking something through first, but that last breath of light just got sucker-punched out of her. All she wants is home, comfort, and family, and ultimately in the bad end route she does manage to preserve their lives, maintain the mist, and supply blood beads, but her own condition leaves her on the throne-- it’s a mix of the bad, neutral, and true ending rlly ldkfjdf BUT YEAH enough rambling on that :D;; This song’s really good and touches a lot of different thoughts and ideas both in real life and my ocs, kind of embarrassing--;; thank u bo burnham for ruining me with this beautiful song

7. Yellow - Coldplay look at the stars / look how they shine for you / and everything you do your skin / oh yeah, your skin and bones / turn in to something beautiful do you know / for you I'd bleed myself dry Does this song make me think about JackEva? Yes. Yes it does. Star / night sky symbolism? Bam. Sappy lyrics about love and finding the person you’re with absolutely mesmerizing and worth dying for? BAM. If JackEva were capable of using their own blood to save each other, I can see it-- hJNGn they just care about each other so much, Jack cries for her even though they both knew that eventually one of them would succumb to their duty, and if the roles were reversed I can see Eva doing the same, I adore them beyond human language. On my CV RP blog, my Jack’s not shippable bc-- Eva, my friend even have them looking after his nephew (an oc--) at one point. I should seriously drop some headcanons down eventually....

8. Louder Than Thunder - The Devil Wears Prada are we meant to be empty-handed? / i know i could, i could be better i don't think i deserve it / selflessness, find your way into my heart all stars could be brighter / all hearts could be warmer

LMFAO throwback to my middle school playlist, I’m old-- I’ve applied this song to a lot of things back in the day, but I really connect it to Loubeth now, especially Louis. Lou & Bethy are both functional idiots who are too hard on themselves & have trouble recognizing their worth beyond what they can do for others. They’re trying to be better-- to make up for what they perceived wrongs they’ve done, but it’s hard, they don’t believe they’re worthy of the love and support the other gives, but they still yearn for that sense of security. After Louis’ memories are returned, he finally understands the guilt he’s felt since he became a revenant and it really skews his self-perception; he blames himself for so many things & Elizabeth, who has always been able to kill when necessary, sets it straight-- “It’s not your fault”, and it takes Louis some time to properly absorb that message. He thinks she’s just trying to comfort him, which she is tbh, but she’s not wrong: “It’s not your fault you couldn’t kill someone. It was never your job to kill anyone.” It’s up to people like her to do those sort of things-- Elizabeth may not have been present when Cruz frenzied, but if she had been? It would have been over before it started, that’s something she has regrets over, even if nothing could have been done since she was already on the field. Actually, she’s actually really quite angry that security failed to monitor Cruz properly and has a few select words for the ones there who could have actually done something before it got out of hand-- civilians and doctors are exempt from her shtlist bc they’re not meant to be killers (so don’t worry Artorias, she’s not ready to bite your head off!), but they had to have some kinda security detail rite o-q??? They’re probably hiding from her wrath-- BUT ANYWAY, she insists she’ll never blame Louis for not being able to do something as serious as killing another person. He was a normal human being who cared about his friend, not a failure, and he couldn’t have been expected to do something that shouldn’t have fallen on his shoulders in the first place. As many times as it takes, she’ll reaffirm that it wasn’t his fault, she’s not angry, he’s always done his best and her opinion of him hasn’t changed. He’s a good person and she loves him through all the hurt, though she doesn’t drop the word ‘love’ for a long time. It just-- takes Louis a while to accept she views him as someone worthy of the love and respect she has for him. It’s kind of ironic she’s so adamant on Louis not blaming himself considering she’s the one privately blaming herself for-- wow there’s too much to unpack, she feels guilty she was even born?? im so broken over these two. I love them and yet they SUFFER...

9. What I’ve Done - Linkin Park i'll face myself / to cross out what i’ve become erase myself / and let go of what i’ve done today this ends / i'm forgiving what i’ve done

I have Louis Amamiya brainrot and I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thinks that this song fits him super well & it needs to become an AMV dsjfkldsfd. I’m a near life-long Linkin Park fan and this fits with Lou so well thematically. As much as I’ve gone on about Louis’ guilt, he does steel himself to keep going forward in spite of it and make things right, for everyone. Maybe it wasn’t really his fault, but at the end of the day his inability to kill Cruz in that moment left a disaster in its wake that got a countless number of people killed-- the MC included with Karen and Aurora. He doesn’t want to run away from the truth, doesn’t want to make excuses, he wants to take responsibility for it and he’ll work himself to death if it means things will be better-- it’s both admirable he’s got a strong resolve and VERY concerning with how willing he is to die for the cause, please don’t overdo it, Lou, you’ll break mine and Bethy’s hearts ._.;; It won’t always be easy, there are moments the grief gnaws at him, but in the end he does overcome it (and uh. as in the bad ending, we know he can actually do it this time). I know we can’t see everything, but I would have loved deeper character interactions, especially with Louis with an emphasis on grieving + forgiving himself properly-- but this song really is nice with the whole ‘I’m going to face my mistakes head on, forgive myself, and keep moving forward’. It’s what Louis deserves: self forgiveness and a damn break ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

10. Call of Silence - Hiroyuki Sawano you will know you're reborn tonight / must be rough but i’ll stay by your side even if my body's bleached to the bones / i don't want go through that ever again so cry no more / oh my beloved ngl idk if those are the correct lyrics, buuuuuuut....... im a weenie and am internally weeping abt loubeth after midnight, what else is new lmfao- i’ll at least try to be brief :D I also used to really like Attack on Titan when I was in high school, I dropped the anime years ago because I was waiting for s2 and never got back to it once it started airing again, I thought I’d finish it once the anime was complete since I eventually caught up with the manga, such a good series BUT ANYWAY-- I think it’s a really pretty song and Loubeth fit with the tender lyrics. IT’S LATE, idk what to say about them other than what I’ve said already dsklfjdslf im sorry I really ramble a LOT and I’ve been so busy lately I haven’t had the chance to >w>;;

#i do not know how 2 b quiet #long post #personal text #yellowcrumpet

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alchemist-shizun · 5 years

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5 times Logan saved the day + 1 in which ... well that could’ve gone worse!

General taglist: @whizzie72 @sapphire-knight @burningpersonflapsuitcase @softanxiouspatton @royallyanxious

Word Count: 2,716

Characters: Logan, Roman, Deceit, Virgil, Remus and Patton

Pairing(s): Logicality

Warning(s): Misgendering, crying, implied aphobia

Summary: People could say Logan was excellent at saving people in extremis. When it came to him in particular, though … what could he say. He gay panicked.

A/N: Am I not just great at summaries? I had yet to do one of this type of fics so here goes nothing. I also took the opportunity to expand the lgbtq+ rep I have in my writings, hope you don't mind! Idea originated from this post, then @pistachio-lan inspired me so yeah thank you bud you're cool. Pardon me if some scenes are too short and other much longer I can't control my creative flow anymore-- I hope you all enjoy!

1- In which Logan saves Roman's day

Entering class with the widest smile any human muscle could ever bear, Roman practically bounced towards his seat.

A group of students immediately surrounded him, few were the times where one expressed such profound happiness first thing in the morning.

Logan eyed him from his desk right next to Roman's.

People started gathering and asking what was up with him, pushing the boy, who couldn't stop smiling, to confess the reason of such joy.

« I just had the most wonderful time last night. »

Multiple voices overlapped at that, with classmates asking for details, clarifications … who it was.

Only that, Roman had forgotten for a moment that literally none of them knew the only person he could have had a date with was a boy.

That was Logan's cue to act.

« You guys are aware we had to do a quick research for today, right? »

A chaos of “what?” and similar shocked expressions ensued, driving the attention away from Roman.

« The teacher said he was going to ask what we found out about the most recent discovery on Mars. »

« Oh, you've got to be kidding me. » that one kid that, for some reason, was always ahead of the program, hit their head against the backpack they had laid on the surface of the desk. « I literally spent the whole afternoon yesterday looking stuff up and I left it all at home! »

The situation could only worsen, people frantically ran around the room with some friends, competing at who found information first.

The hint of an amused smile crossed Logan's lips.

« You just made that up. » he heard Roman go, who had noticed his behavior.

« Isn't it lovely to watch the whole class go wild with dismay? »

Roman snorted and absorbed their classmates' despair. « You're a mean one, Lo. » he kept looking ahead of himself. « But thank you. »

Neither of their smiles faltered.

2. In which Logan rescues Deceit from a probably very uncomfortable explanation.

Nights out with friends often meant the weirdest stuff was about to happen. The one time they had started to jokingly call one of their group “Deceit” was definitely one of their top moments.

But, especially, the most delirious ones happened when they threw ridiculous YouTube videos or vines in the lot.

« Look at this. » Logan and Deceit leaned on the table towards their two friends. It was an extract from a song Bo Burnham had released years prior.

And, well, when certain comments come to you naturally … there's no way to stop yourself before the deed is done.

« Oh, that's me. » Deceit had said. Or, actually, Deceit had said right upon hearing the lyric “half-boy”.

Promptly forgetting for a single instant his other two friends had no clue of him being a demi-boy.

Not even the hint of a single trait of confusion could paint their friends' faces when Logan intervened.

« I've actually seen one of his shows in person in the past. »

« Oh my goodness, you have? » wide eyes stared at him with deep interest.

As the three engaged a conversation on the comedy skills of the man, Deceit was able to steady his heartbeat and take some deep breaths to release the anxiety that had taken over his chest.

He caught Logan's eyes when the waiter had arrived with their orders; he raised a hand and pressed his fingers to his chin, then moved them slightly outward in Logan's direction.

Thank you.

Logan gave a small nod and, just like that, everything went back to the regular outing.

3- In which Logan is Virgil's coolest cousin.

To say Virgil despised having guests over for the night was an understatement. He was obliged to tidy up his generally messy but comfortable room when all he ever wanted was to sleep for eternity as soon as he touched his pillow.

And, of course, there was always something out of place that his little cousin pointed out. Not that he had allowed her to follow him when he had excused himself upstairs.

He heard Logan's voice echo « Miranda! » around the steps.

The door to Virgil's room opened and Miranda was already jumping on his bed.

« Viv! Your bed sheets are so fluffy! »

Virgil forced himself to smile. “She doesn't know.” he repeated in his mind. “It's just a nickname.”

« Miranda, didn't you hear your parents telling you to stay down? » Logan's reprimanding tone made the kid giggle.

« Maybe. » the two older cousins shared a playful eye roll.

« Come on. » Logan held his hand out towards her.

« But I want to stay in her room to see what she does! »

She doesn't know.

« Have you ever heard of privacy? »

« Nope. » Miranda laughed.

Then she noticed something and her eyes grew with curiosity.

« What's that? »

Virgil's eys followed her gaze and fell upon his binder. Of course, out of all things, she had to notice that.

He went to open his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. What could he make up this time? Whatever he told her, she would have wanted to try it on at all costs.

Were he to say the truth, though ... she'd have probably gone to their relatives talking about how he had a weird piece of clothing and that could only end badly.

« Oh, that must be part of your future cosplay? »

Virgil snapped his head back up only to be met with Logan's quick wink.

Keep it up.

« Oh, yeah. I have to sew some things on. »

Miranda gasped in amazement and clapped her hands together. « Can I try it? »

Damn.

« I'm afraid you should have your cousin's exact size. If not, that particular material would be damaged in the ending result. » did he keep lying only to protect him?

The kid whined but dropped the disappointment right away. « What's the name of the character? »

« Virgil. »

« Who is he? »

« Well, just ... » Virgil narrowed his eyes, looking for the best explanation. « Just a boy. »

« Why him? » Miranda was in that brilliant age where everything needed to be questioned.

Logan checked with a side glance to see if his cousin needed assistance. Instead, he found him smiling to himself.

« It makes me happy. »

The little girl seemed pleased enough with that answer. « Then can I cosplay with you one day? Carnival is near! »

« Of course, I can make whichever costume you prefer. »

She squealed in joy and threw her arms around him, squeezing him tightly.

Then, she started running off towards the stairs. And she said it.

« Thank you, Virgil! » giggling was heard, but, apart from that, complete nothingness.

Until Virgil dropped on the edge of the bed with his hands covering his face, a slight tremble could be seen shaking his body.

Logan was immediately by his side, offering one of his rare hugs that Virgil gladly accepted.

It felt so nice. Achieving a goal prematurely but ultimately feeling the satisfaction melt away with the knowledge that he was never going to experience that ever again.

What an utopic illusion.

« It's fine. You're okay. » Logan tried, as his cousin's body shook with every sob he failed to repress.

« I'm sorry. »

« Don't be. »

Virgil let go of him as he started wiping his cheeks clear of fresh tears of fear and frustration.

When he looked at the other again, there was a hint of a smile dancing on his lips. « You're the best cousin. »

Logan returned it. « Always glad to be of help. »

4- In which Logan prevents Remus from carving his eyes out out of annoyance.

The blissful rest lunch-break gave after hours of mostly a quiet balance between interest and boredom was the most important reward as noon approached.

That wasn't exactly the case all the time.

Logan and Remus were sitting with two of their classmates who just so happened to have lab afterwards with both of them.

It wasn't like the they were particularly irritating people, on the contrary they radiated a calm energy most of the times.

That one day, though. It seemed something had happened in one of their lives and they needed all the time in the world to get every single detail out. They involved every one of them in the conversation and everything would have been fine if they had stopped at simply asking opinions on the matter.

« C'mon Remus, how about you? »

« What? »

« You never talk about this stuff. » one of the two leaned forward. « Spill the beans. There has to be someone you like. »

Remus smiled falsely. Oh, he was so done. They had gone the last fifteen minutes trying to get out of him information that he didn't have.

« Of course! You if you stuffed your mouth with trash bags and finally stopped talking. »

« Aw, stop being weird and evading the question. »

Logan eyed the one who had just spoken.

« I am not, I just don't care. » Also, since I'm aromantic, I'd really appreciate if you stopped before I prohibit your breathing.

« Everybody gets crushes! »

And I'm about to crush your face.

Remus's hands started fidgeting out of stress under the table, which Logan noticed.

He was about to snap.

« I do. »

The two lab partners' eyes widened and focused on Logan all at once.

« You what now? »

Remus's face was painted with a confused expression: he knew his friend would never open up about himself to acquaintances, let alone about his feelings.

It was what happened after that made him understand.

The other two completely concentrated their attention on Logan, started asking questions about the boy he had been referring to, trying to guess who his crush was almost as if it was a game or anything of their business.

It … did feel kind of sad.

As Remus was able to catch his glance for a sole moment, he wore the “you didn't have to do that” expression.

All he saw was Logan shrugging in a “it doesn't matter” way and carrying on with subjecting himself to the pain of their classmates.

He made a mental note to remind him how grateful he was for that funky little nerd's existence.

5- In which Logan is the Patton protector.

Having friends living nearby school sometimes meant hang out invitations. Also, it often times meant free food which was everything that was good in the whole planet.

Logan had internally beamed as Patton had come back to the living room asking him to stay for dinner, while he had pretended not to hear a faint “Would you like to stay forever?” coming from his little sister.

He had tried not to agree right on the spot, but it was difficult to hesitate when being asked to spend even more time than intended with one of his favorite people.

That was how the two of them were now sitting with Patton's lovable family, discussing unimportant things and just all around enjoying their time.

Logan loved being around them, it was a delightful break from the coldness in his own home, he could get along with all the components just fine.

There was a television behind Patton's parents; they hadn't been exactly listening to the news, but it seemed a broadcast about the recent Pride parade in town was being held.

« Oh look! » Patton pointed to the screen with a toothy smile as a pan flag flashed across the TV.

He froze while his parents' expression grew perplexed the more they paid attention to the news.

« You really need to get rid of this habit you have of getting excited when you see dogs. » Logan started, adjusting his glasses as Patton and his parents turned to him.

« Why? » Patton's confused tone was half-real.

« You almost startled me simply because there was a dog on television. »

That was when he understood. « It was an adorable husky, Logan! »

Laughter started to fill the room and the previous disorientation was soon forgotten.

As his guest stood up to get more food, Patton heard a whisper being stealthily delivered to his ear.

« Be careful. »

He couldn't help but smile to himself. Logan was always on the lookout for others and it was a quality that almost came natural to him.

And he needed to thank him for that properly.

6- In which Logan forgets to stop himself.

An echo of “thank you”s rained down on Logan yet again as he and Patton stepped out on the garden of Patton's home.

This time, though, there was none to prevent him from potentially ruining his relationship with his interlocutor. And, ultimately, even everyone else around him.

As his cousin was used to believe the worst outcomes to happen, it did actually affect him at times. But, in that moment, he had gone completely blank and forgot to steady his impulse control.

« I'd do anything for you. » was what aimed fire.

He had meant to only think that.

Yet, he didn't find heartbreak and misery.

Instead, he watched as Patton's expression softened even more. Patton got a few steps closer, so that only Logan could hear his murmur.

« I feel the same. »

Logan's eyebrows arched slightly. Happiness quickly gave way to a clenching feeling in his chest.

« No, wait. » he responded, looking down and then back up. « I don't think that's a good idea. »

Patton's eyes narrowed for a moment. « For me to like you? » that was absurd and maybe his tone was a bit hurt.

Why would he say something like that?

« Lo, you're a wonderful person, and- »

« No- I mean, it's not that. » Logan gesticulated, trying to find the best explanation without actually telling anything.

« Logan, you know whatever you'll tell me, all the good things I think of you won't change. »

The boy took a deep breath, some of the weight relieved already.

« I am asexual. » he looked away immediately. « And I know plenty of people despise that and say it's not real, so if you don't- »

« I think that's wonderful. » when Logan met Patton's gaze, he found one of those smiles Patton only dedicated to him. « And I don't see why I shouldn't like that about you, too. »

A smile slipped on Logan's face, the dreadful feeling leaving space for relief. « Now you're just making it too difficult with your unconditional love. »

Patton let out a quiet snicker. « Well then, » his tone grew bolder. « We could talk this over dinner sometimes soon if you'd like? » he had clapped his hands together, looking up at Logan with a twinkle of hope in his eyes.

« That was too sly for me to refuse. »

« As if you weren't happy I just asked you out! »

All Logan could do was, of course, groan at how flustered that line made him. « I'll concede that to you. »

As the time to part drew nearer, Patton took two steps back, thoughtful.

« Are you okay with hugs right now? »

Despite having told his friends years prior of how he had never fancied physical touch that much, he was always grateful whenever they posed that question.

« I am. »

« Alright. » Patton stepped closer again and wrapped his arms around Logan's neck, who returned the hug rather quickly as he heard a quiet “thank you” being whispered to his ear.

Then, the shorter boy stepped away, but kept his hands on Logan's shoulders.

« You're my hero. »

With that, Patton was gone.

And Logan was left astonished in the middle of a summer's night.

#logan sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #deceit sanders #sympathetic deceit #remus sanders #sympathetic remus #logicality #fanfiction #sanders sides #read the warnings #purp's writings

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nedflames · 4 years

Text

Most of Danny’s songs aren’t parody but I see a lot of people calling them all parody.

It doesn’t make me angry because it’s just a misuse of terms, not an insult to his music or comedy. But it does annoy me because I love comedy and I love to study it. Since it’s a topic I’m super interested in I’m gonna separate Danny’s songs into categories (for fun!)

First I gotta give some clear definitions.

Parody: Parody is an imitation of an existing text (or “content” in non-pretentious terms) or person; this is an important distinction that separates parody from other forms of comedy. Furthermore, parody is not only a genre of comedy but it is also used as a method of comedy; the difference there is that certain genres of comedy, like satire, use elements of parody but aren’t specifically parody themselves. Parody isn’t always critical of the thing it parodies, sometimes it just takes the subject and transforms it to communicate something else. Imitation is the key word here. Parody is not a copy of an existing text, but a creation of a new text around it. It is often an exaggerated imitation.

Example: Scary Movie (2000) takes recognizable scenes from popular horror films, and imitates them with exaggeration and comedy.

Satire: Like I said before, satire uses parody and elements of parody all the time, but they are not the same person. Satire isn’t always imitating a recognizable text or person and it is always critical, that is it’s purpose. Satire is used to critique not only a text or a person but broader concepts like social and political beliefs/lifestyles/cultures/behaviors. The purpose is to expose something faulty, idiotic, and/or socially and morally broken to an audience for the sake of ridicule . It’s meant to make an audience think critically about the subject by pointing out it’s flaws with methods like sarcasm, irony, parody, hyperbole, and euphemism. Satire isn’t always funny but it should always expose and ridicule.

Example: Keeping on theme, Scream (1996) is a satirical take on the horror genre using irony as it’s driving method. Repeat Stuff by Bo Burnham is also a great example of satire.

TL;DR Parody has to be a direct comedic imitation of a recognizable piece of art/media/content or a person and isn’t always critical. Satire is a critique of broader concepts (art/culture/ideals/politics), is always critical, often uses parody as a method, and isn’t always funny.

Songs that are parody:

All the “We Made A...” songs

Dab on Haters (parody of the Paul brothers and their songs)

Yummy (parody of Justin Bieber’s “Yummy”)

All of these songs have a direct target they are imitating.

Songs you might think are parody but aren’t:

I’m Gonna Kill Santa Claus

Help, Let Me Go

Johnny Johnny

Books in the Club

Yes, he is making fun of specific things but he is not imitating them. Merely mentioning/referencing things in songs is not an imitation of them.

Songs that are satire:

Beef With Me (not a parody of diss tracks but addressing the motives behind diss tracks satiricaly)

Slime (the music vid has parody in it but the overall purpose of the song is the critique of a broader lifestyle and culture, not just Collins)

“Bag Tho” (it has light-parody elements where it mentions specific creator’s actions, sure, but it’s the strongest case of satire in Danny’s entire discography. Oh, and if you call it a diss track, or a parody of a diss track, I’ll fight you with my fists)

Car So Fast (the South Park style of satire that calls out the flaws of two sides of an argument.)

Prank My Friend (critique of prank YouTubers using irony and hyperbole)

“Bad Boy” (this one almost went on the “parody” list but, again, he’s ridiculing an overall behavior, not imitating a specific text)

Hop out the Whip

Sad and Deep (critique of fake-deep/pretentious people who have no real depth to them)

My Dad is Rich (uh duh. Easily the second-most satirical song in his discography)

Books in the Club (yes the idea came from the movie swiped but it honestly has so little to do with the character, it's more a concept Danny carried further from an observation HE made)

Danny’s main way of using satire is to create a persona that has no self-awareness about their flaws so much so that they can present them without shame, which is irony, but the audience still understands the criticism. The main goal of these songs is to make an audience laugh, which isn’t necessary with satire, but they are still overtly critical enough for the audience to walk away with a more critical perspective on the subject. "Bag Tho” is the only song on here that has a more serious message to it.

Songs that have criticism but aren’t satire:

I’m Gonna Kill Santa Claus

“Rollin’“

“Train”

Vape Tricks

Johnny Johnny

These songs have criticism in them but I wouldn’t say that criticism is overt enough for a casual audience to read into it. For example “Rollin’” may be ridiculing party/drug culture but it’s mainly just a dark comedy song that doesn’t make people think “huh, drugs are really bad” even Danny’s disclaimer “the lesson is: don’t do drugs” at the end is clearly just meant for laughs ( and is making fun of people, like me, who want over-analyze everything).

Songs that are purely comedy

Daddy

Help, Let Me Go

“The Tea”

“Invisible”

The Dying Squid

Downhill

Your Dog is not that Cute

This Video is Over Now

Spooky Boy

Spooky Guy

Spooky Ho

Greg

La Criox

Of course comedy music falls under more than just satire or parody but I believe those are the genres Danny fucks with the most and my main goal was to point out just how many of his songs aren’t actually parody.

#He has a young face #all #text #moe's soap box #this was fun and now I'm tired

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lovebunnie · 5 years

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Do all the asks coward

1. what does your wallet look like?

-i got it as a present from my uncle for christmas and its really expensive but also so ugly im sorry uncle tom. its like that ‘southern fashion’ bullshit that white MAGA moms wear. but it was better than my old wallet, which looks like this and i got when i was 12:

2. favorite color?

- baby pinnk

3. do you own a pride flag, or more than one?

-heres the thing: my parents basically know im not straight but i havent told them. my brother has thought i was a lesbian since freshman year, i have a small pride pin on my backpack, ive never been on a date, its complicated. but no, i dont have one. maybe one day, hopefully.

4. describe your favorite outfit

-black pants, platform doc martens, hoodie under a jean jacket, one clip on earring, and holding my crushes hand :]

5. when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter, and what’d she do?

-okay so theres this girl in my theatre class who is really cute, and she put her head on my shoulder and shes pagan so she drew a little sigil on my arm that means “safe and homely” so like :)))))))))))))

6. do you use nail polish?

-i do, i mostly do black tho

7. do you keep organized?

-absolutely. i have things online filed accordingly, i pick out my outfits the day before, my binders are neat, i learned how to army fold my shirts, i keep my shit CLEAN

8. ever take naps?

-only accidentally. ill be laying in bed watching youtube and next thing you know my autoplay has me watching a markiplier video even tho i dont like him and its 4 hours later

9. who was your first crush?

-idk if this is a real person or not so ill do both. my first fake person crush was either troy from high school musical or frankie stein from monster high. and my first real crush was on a boy named dominic in elementary school. i told him i liked him at the end of 5th grade because i thought i was switching schools but then i didnt and we never spoke again.

10. what are your crush tendencies? fall hard or often?

-both both both. i am the worst with crushes. i have crushes all the time because im romantic and a fucking fool. i have 3 crushes off the top of my head rn and i like them all for different reasons. thats not to say that i want to date them, but its that i like them a lot and i kinda wanna kiss their cheek or hold their hand idk

11. describe your ideal day

-play overwatch with my best friend (u gonble >:) ) then hang out with my cat, go get a smoothie, buy some cool shoes or something, take a shower and be asleep by 9 :,)

12. describe your ideal date

-i have stated that build a bear is an amazing first date and im NOT BACKING DOWN. ITS CUTE AS FUCK AND ILL ACCEPT NOTHING LESS!!

13. whats your favorite food?

-either sushi or strawberries :3c

14. who do you feel most comfortable around?

-my theatre class, people from camp, and gobble

15. what is your favorite compliment to receive?

-i dont have a favorite, any and all are going to make my face go red so i have to cover it and maybe make me cry

16. did you/do you like highschool?

-the first 3 years fucking sucked but senior year has been amazing so far. mostly because i just kinda stopped giving a fuck but its amazing

17. favorite animal?

-i think its cats now. i really like cats

18. do you like your name?

-eh, its okay. its pretty but also it seems like there are 60 million fucking people named grace and its so annoying. i wish it was something more unique idk

19. what kind of weather is your favorite?

-a light rain. no swinging trees or thunder, just lots of rain. its nice to stay inside and feel secure

20. do you believe in horoscopes?

-absolutely not. but theyre fun if you like them

21. tell us about your music taste

-its horrific. to sum it up, my two favorite musicians are the gorillaz and frank sinatra. take from that what you will

22. have you had your first kiss? if so, what was it like?

-i havent had my first kiss yet. gonna be honest, i felt like i was going to, a few times at camp and recently when classes ended. but yeah, nothing yet

23. did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a kid?

-i went thro cycles of favorites. but one ive had for years is a plush shadow the hedgehog from universal studios i got when i was 6. i used to carry him around, even to a pool once

24. what time do you usually wake up and go to bed?

-if you know me, you know i go to bed ridiculously early. i usually get tried at around 6pm and fall asleep between 7:45 and 8:30. and i always wake up before 6 am. i havent slept past 6 am continuously since the end of junior year. please help me

25. what dream trip would you take with your wife?

-maybe to go explore new york, just the two of us that sounds like fun :]

26. do you have any pets?

-i have 2 dogs and a cat. the family owns the dogs but that cat is mine

27. what pair of underwear is your favorite?

-uhhhhhhhhhhh i have some with rainbows that are cool? i dont have favorites, none of them are cute anyway

28. what makes you smile?

-funny jokes make me smile real hard, and if you compliment me at the right time, i kind of pull my legs up and hide my face? its cute and charming i promise

29. what makes you feel heavy?

-in both the physical and metaphorical sense, eating bread

30. what makes you feel better?

-watching bo burnham always makes me feel better, hes my go to whenever im really depressed

31. how do you show your love?

-i show my love in everything i do. everything i do is for love, i love love so much its sickening

32. when is it time to get a haircut?

-whenever u want to lol?

33. where would you live if you could live anywhere?

-maybe san francisco, its beautiful and i love the city

34. do your friends and family take good care of you?

-as much as i allow them to. sometimes i go days without communicating and i know thats annoying but my friends put up with it (they shouldnt have to, i know) and my family is okay. its cliche to say, but they honestly dont understand what im going thro alot of the times, esp with my anxiety and shit

35. have you always used the labels you use now?

-back in the beginning of highschool, i used they/them pronouns and identified as asexual/aromantic. eventually, it didnt feel right, so i know identify as cis and bisexual and that feels right to me

36. what makes you laugh?

-my friends, when people shit talk gobble and i in overwatch even tho???? we didnt know him?????? and the mcelroys always get me

37. who is your favorite fictional character?

-too many options, see list here

38. who do yo admire?

-my father when hes not threatening to throw my phone into a fucking lake and my friends for putting up with me

39. describe yourself in three words

-i am baby

40. how long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

-usually about 45 min, more or less as each day goes

41. what do you wish you could tell your younger self?

-listen: STOP GIVING A FUCK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE. YOU WILL NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN, BE YOURSELF. STOP HIDING AND BEING SCARED OF YOURSELF, BE GENUINE!!!!

42. what would you do if you win the lottery?

-get my parents settled, see about other family members, and then distribute the money to charities accordingly, starting with flint and getting them water

43. would you call yourself a romantic?

-yes

44. what is your gayest childhood memory?

-my mom had cosmos magazines

45. do you have tattoos or want any?

-i dont have any tattoos but ive been obsessed with them since the 6th grade. id love to get tattoos, i just dont know what or where and also im afraid of pain

46. whats your worst habit?

-either biting my thumbs, starving myself, or ghosting my friends. prob ghosting my friends

47. what are you proud of?

-i guess coming out of my shell finally? idk, i actually have friends now and it feels amazing tbh. im in 5 group chats now. i havent been in a group chat since 6th grade. :))))))

48. did you know that youre actually a gift to the world, for real?

-hi i love you?

49. whats your favorite memory?

-there are so so many. but what comes to mind first is our dance night at camp where we all stood outside and i finally gave ian my tumblr and we all ran inside to dance to mr. brightside then ran outside again and we requested nightcore and rivers was fucking dancing their hearts out and we all sang along and im going to crying just typing this out

50. do you have a sweet tooth?

-i guess so. too much makes me feel like shit but i do really enjoy smarties

51. what do you like most about yourself?

-this is dumb, but my sense of style. since i got a job ive been wearing shit i actually like and its amazing. ill admit i have cool clothes

52. what makes you fall for a girl?

-besides acknowledging me, probably getting to know me and not like, putting me on a pedestal. idk its weird, ive met a lot of people this year who like to place me so high it feels like i cant make a mistake around them without disappointing them. idk, i want someone to call me out on my bullshit instead of assuring me im okay. i want to know what i do wrong so i can fix it

53. make a recommendation

-for what? uhh okay for music, listen to ‘clay pigeons’ by michael cera (yes i know michael cera) and for television, watch bojack horseman and for movies, watch the docuseries called ‘7 days out’ on netflix

54. have you ever had your heart broken?

-yeah, when i broke up with maddy because we werent ready to date. i cared and continue to care about her and i didnt want to hurt her but i knew its what we both needed. its what i needed, atleast. and i cant be a good girlfriend if i feel like im doing badly. but also ive had friends break my heart and family break my heart. but im okay now, this heart is ready to be broken again

55. when do you feel most yourself?

-def when i was at camp, that place is magical in the way it allows you to be yourself. but also when i talk to gobble because hes my best friend and when im at college, we can talk more and its gonna be dope as shit

56. name a gorgeous celeb

-jake gyllenhaal jake gyllenhaal jake gyllenhaal

57. what are some of your favorite songs this week?

-fake happy by paramore, im not okay (i promise) by my chemical romance, tomorrow comes today by gorillaz

58. tell us 2 or your biggest hopes and fears

-biggest hopes: i publish a book someday & i get a job doing something i love

-biggest fears: i end up homeless and broke & something horrific happens in college

59. what flavor chapstick/lipbalm is the best?

-raspberry i guess

60. are you okay?

-i answered a lot more honestly then i shouldve for some of these and i start new classes tomorrow so im feeling really anxious so im doing alright i guess.

gobble you test me but i do love you

#g0bbleb0ners #that took 90 minutes #also i got kinda real here.... :////////#whatever no one reads these things anyway

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user-manual · 2 years

Text

hi (NOT CLICKBAIT!!!)

♡ 𝔪𝔬𝔬𝔡: (*˘︶˘*)ु.｡oO thoughtful

I'm having a difficult time staying alive right now. My cats think it's attention time because I stood up from my chair to hit the bong, so they're scratching the trim to get my attention and my instinct is to yell "STOP!" and then I end up choking to death on smoke. PLEASE pray for me and make me more powerful.

Last night I ended up watching the entirety of this youtube video, a 2hr 30min video essay about Inside by Bo Burnham. It's one hell of a video, touching on topics like transhumanism, the modern horrors of late stage capitalism, and uh, just about everything else. I'm stuck on the proposition, "We are already cyborgs, living inside the internet, through our phones; it doesn't have to be a chip implanted in your brain." That's a bit paraphrased, but this absolutely struck me! I have always felt that I lived here, that these online spaces were my homes, and here I am literally in my home on the internet. And he just put it into words like that! It's true, we do live our lives through the internet now. As much as I dislike Twitter, if I deleted it, I would NEVER know what's going on. I found out about the mask mandate returning in my state through the Twitter trending page, and it had a wealth of information that I could fact-check at my leisure. I simply do not watch the news on TV! I trust information more this way, where I can easily see and research the sources, so I can know if I'm being told the truth or not. News from the people is more important than anything corporate-owned talking heads have to say. �� I spent the earlier part of my day at work being deeply upset, frequently hiding around corners and going to the bathroom to tweet about why I was upset, because if I had to hold it in I would literally explode into tears. Then I spent the rest of the day anxiously checking my phone, hoping to see someone respond to me so I didn't feel like I was screaming into the void. It wasn't until I clocked out and went home that someone responded, and for some reason that upset me even further. I thought "Hey, this is not normal! Wait, yes it is." LOTS of people do this because we live on the internet, and this is real to us. It's kind of embarrassing to admit to, because "haha it's just the internet" - to some extent, sure that's true, but it is difficult to deny the very real way in which it's changed the way we socialize as a society. Everyone is online now, to the point that the POTUS account on Twitter is always passed on to the next president. My younger cousins ask me if I have Snapchat instead of asking for my phone number, because that's how they keep in touch with people. When I move overseas, I will have to figure out a way to speak to my entire family online, keeping in mind their varying degrees of technical knowledge, since international texting/calling fees are insanely high.

Anyway, this video struck me on a deep and personal level, brought up lots of my fears and anxieties, and made me think about an uncomfortable amount of things. It's extremely long and fast paced but incredibly worth the watch. I somehow learned a lot about myself while learning about Bo Burnham, and CJ has SO MUCH to add to the conversation presented in Burnham's work.

Here, have a picture of one of the two devils trying to kill me. This is Kissy investigating a rubber band that we left on the table after unwrapping our new bong (we broke the last one). Everyone say hi to Kissy!!!

(Originally posted 27/08/21)

#personal

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womenandfilm5 · 4 years

Photo

I chose to watch “Eighth Grade” by Bo Burnham, and honestly, I found it to be incredibly heartbreaking. The overarching theme was navigating the awkwardness and challenges of adolescence, the prevalent desire to find a place to fit in. The themes of anxiety and depression are also explored, as the protagonist Kayla struggles with extreme social anxiety, and describes how she constantly feels, by saying “I feel like I always have that nervous feeling when you’re waiting in line for a roller coaster, but I always just have that nervous feeling, and I never have that good feeling after the ride, that relief”. There is also a clear critique of the religious manner adolescents both regard and constantly use social media. Within this film there is also a clear disdain for the often ineffective method of sex education in schools, and the way that children often have to navigate these confusing arenas themselves, often because they feel pressured or coerced to do things they are not ready for. . The film’s basic content was following the protagonist Kayla and her experiences in the last week of eighth grade, before she enters the high school. There is never any mention of other family members, besides her father, who appears to be attempting to raise her as a single father. He continues to try to bond with her, despite how she rebukes and shuts him out for so long, until towards the end of the movie. She is shown to have no friends, and struggles to take her own advice that she talks about in YouTube videos she makes. Kayla is often waxing about ways to gain confidence and improve your social life, but she genuinely struggles to follow her own words, and is unable to connect to people. She tries to fit in with a crowd of shallow, cruel girls, who treat her as less than a person, and the boy she is interested in does the same. He never shows an interest in her, until she starts to use sexualization as a currency, and mentions that she has nudes on her phone, to reel him in. After a trip to the high school for a class visit, she starts hanging out with a group of high schoolers, and attracts the attention of a pervy twelfth grader. He attempts to make Kayla take her shirt off after he isolates her from everyone else, and while she refuses and is able to leave the situation, she is clearly scared and confused. . The film’s form is a narrative structure encompassing about a weeks span, and this story line following Kayla is split up with inserted clips from her YouTube channel. These inserted clips from her channels align so that the viewer is either seeing the contrast between what Kayla advises people to do versus what she actually does, or so that we see a contrast between a younger, more naive Kayla, and the current-day overwhelmed, more cynical Kayla. There was a very interesting use of aesthetics and visual style, in the way there was a lot of the story told through the palpable discomfort in body language and facial expressions of Kayla, and the way she interacts with her physical environment. There are a lot of closeup shots of her face, and the way she contorts her mouth and unconsciously expresses her emotions. Her eyes also express a lot of what she is feeling, and when she is nervous the camera will also zoom in on her hands fluttering nervously, or other such movements to demonstrate this effect. This method is particularly influential and makes the viewer really feel the energy exuded by the characters on the screen, and you feel immersed in the emotions that Kayla feels. The dialogue between the characters is often peppered with conversational pauses, such as “like”, and “um”. These words are not meant to demonstrate a lack of intelligence in the characters, particularly in the protagonist, but are used to verbalize the uncertainty with which Kayla navigates her social interactions, and is constantly in fear of saying the wrong thing. Multiple times throughout the film we see Kayla practice what she is going to say before calling someone, or speaking to them in person. This culminates such that it is clear how tentative Kayla is to assert her presence, and it really makes you want to fight for her.

I chose to watch this film, because I love Bo Burnham as a comedian, and I have been listening to his music and Netflix comedy sketches for years, and I assumed that this film would be light-hearted as well. I was shocked by how heavy this film weighed on me, and how hard it hit me emotionally. One of my little sisters is currently in eighth grade, and she experiences extreme social anxiety, and it broke my heart a bit to really see this narrative through Kayla’s eyes, and then continuously relate it back to my sister’s experiences. I was shocked by the impacting nature of this film, and I learned that Bo Burnham suffers from crippling panic attacks, and chose to share his experiences through an eighth grader, because “anxiety makes me feel like a terrified thirteen-year old”. The film is thusly named, as it represents the anxiety and uncertainty of an eighth grader which Burnham experiences in his daily life. I found this to be profoundly self-aware, and a wonderful way to demonstrate such a powerful story of adolescent struggles and social navigation. This film was also made only two years ago, and explores Millennials’ relationship with their generationally different parents, such as Kayla’s father, a member of Generation X. There are clear depictions of the toxic nature of social media in this film, and it is made clear the concerns that older generations have, to their children being so attached to their phones. This film really makes the socio-political climate it was filmed in known, and touches on prominent themes of the current time period, such as technological concerns of the era, and the way it allows young children access to things far before they are ready.

A particularly poignant scene that really drew forth an emotional response in me was when Kayla approached Kennedy in school, after attending Kennedy’s party, where her mother forced her to invite Kayla. It took so much out of Kayla to even interact with the guests at the party, and for most of the time she was hiding in another room, while everyone else was gathered in the living room having fun. She rehearses what to say to Kennedy, and attempts to mirror both her language and image. We see Kayla wearing a Hollister shirt to try to blend into the “in-group”, she uses linguistic pauses to save herself time to think, such as “like”, and hunches over with her arms in front of her body, as a subconscious shield. Her body language is clearly very nervous, and the camera once again utilizes the technique of focusing in on her nervous, fluttering hands, arms protectively hiding her body, and her facial expressions of uncertainty. She is trying so hard in this scene, and is desperate to say, do, and be the version of herself that Kennedy will perceive as cool, but Kennedy only glances at her once or twice in this scene, implies disgust in her face and body language, and never once makes eye contact, or shows respect in her responses. Everything she responses is terse, and a one-word response, never anything to stimulate or keep the conversation going. This led me to draw connections to “Lemonade” by Beyonce, which is perhaps a strange comparison, but I kept thinking of the vast differences in confidence between Beyonce and Kayla. Beyonce is obviously a grown woman, but despite the adversity and discrimination she has undoubtedly faced in her life, almost all of the 13 chapters in her video display her oozing confidence. This is notable in the way she walks, makes eye contact, keeps her head high, shoulders back, hair kept in a manner that frames her face and doesn’t hide it, etc. She is a powerful, beautiful woman, who has come into her own, and she is aware of this fact. While this is obviously a drastically different situation, Kayla, an awkward, adolescent eighth grader demonstrates all of the exact opposite physical attributes as Beyonce does: she wears clothes to hide her body, tries to collapse into herself, and tries to never draw anyone’s attention to her.

When watching this film, I began to ask myself questions that many parents are also having to face in this day and age. How can you simultaneously restrict your child from the negative consequences of the internet, while still allowing them freedom? The philosopher Locke believed the parenting approach to children seeking knowledge should always reflect pure honesty, and I feel this applies to the issue of technology. Banning a child from a website, restricting their access to the internet, or taking their phone has proved time and time again to be ineffective. For those with a goal, there will always be a way to access the internet, and no matter how scrupulous the parent, there will be a way to circumnavigate their restrictions. As a person who grew up with technology, but also witnessed a huge technological boom while in my teens, I believe our generation has a unique perspective, as we are immersed in this culture of social media, but perhaps somewhat more aware of it’s toxicity and it’s prevalence than the generations that have come after us. I feel that an open-door policy with a child is always best, and allowing them to come to you with any questions and not face consequences is key. Being honest about how social media can impact your self-esteem, how so much of the images on these sites are faked, how there are predators online, how inappropriate ads sometimes pop up, etc is the best way to inform a child. Is this a possible method with every generation that begins, especially as it can be challenging to keep up with all the new forms of social media? How can anyone be sure of what their child is doing on the internet, without invading their privacy? Should children be restricted of information until an appropriate age (within reason of course)? – HB

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autowrite · 5 years

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15.06.19 - Mourning Pages

The not-so-morning, morning pages. ik voel mij sexy als ik dans, but also like squirming in my chair. My 150 euro pillow is the problem to all my solutions, cured me of curvical cancer, I'm just saying stuff now. My back is straight my arm hurts a little but not nearly as much as it used to, I want to exercise but I can't seem to get myself moving, see what I did there. Hipsters on Youtube dressed like hipster fisherman, the Toronto Raptors and Drake, and as excited as they are I'm still not convinced they're all that content. Apparently the secret to happiness is helping others, I wonder how I can help others. Bo Burnham helps others but he also swears at people on stage, can you do both? i think so. 1% happier everyday, I lie in bed not bitter. i called Jonathan a twat, i lose all my friends generally and eventually, i judge like a mother fucker, I keep picking at that wound through criticism, everyone I know goes away in the end, but I aint no tree branch or robot, I'm just me, a Toronto rapper trying to make a n honest buck while leaning into flies on the wall, not understanding the meaning of it all, appealing to that one sullen kid, or that beautiful kid who needs to know he's not alone, needs to figure out his love for HBO programming, needs to get to bed on time, always on and always off, but that bell for school is about to ring, and the feeling in your fingers is about to come back, and your guilt free existence is where it's at. I called you after the car crash and couldn't get a hold of you, in Hillcrest, and at the library. This is effortless.

#morningpages #autowrite #automaticwriting

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nopomegranets · 3 years

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hey, um

i wrote this to myself earlier because i was getting very stuck in a doom-and-gloom situation revolving around Bo Burnham's Inside. writing all of this out helped me relax and reminded me of nice things.

the following is for anyone whose been a little bit Too affected by the special existentially. specifically anyone whose fallen down a scary everything-is-horrible way of thinking that's been brought out by a few songs and Bo Beardman.

i wrote this in two parts. in the first part i let myself say whatever awful shit came to my mind, and i let the hurt and bruised part of me yell and rant (because she really needed to)

in the second, i tried addressing those concerns and speaking to myself directly, to help gain some perspective and offer a bit of kindness (internally).

this feels weird to post but this is a fake account so i can do whatever i want. i hope this helps someone else.

The Sad Part:

I cannot stop thinking about the fucking special. I don’t know if I made this like, awful choice by deciding to watch it or what. Because it so perfectly lays out exactly how I feel about the internet, how its really unhealthy for all of us to be surrounded by human suffering constantly, be told what to think and how to act, dress, etc. Like we all KNOW that we’re being told this, but to have him say it, to have him confirm it in this way that doesn’t feel pander-y or false is…

It’s really fucking confronting.

The puppet song, fucking Funny Feeling - these songs tap very deeply into a sad and disturbed part of my mind that truly hates this world with everything I have in me.

I hate the society we’ve created and I fight like hell every day to not hate the people. And I scour the tumblr tags and reddit comments to find someone who doesn’t just feel the same way I do (as it turns out, that’s a lot - or Bo’s songs wouldn’t resonate so deeply with everyone.) but who has advice, who has words for me, hope, something - anything.

And I cannot fucking find it! We’re all just soaking in how bad everything is and its like the goddamn man of the people whose whole platform is self awareness on a dizzying level that makes you feel self conscious to criticize him or criticize his work (I don’t really want to criticize it, I just wish I had the option). He seems like a good person and he doesn’t SEEM like an asshole whose whole purpose is feeling like he’s figured everything out and everyone else just needs to catch up but that’s how I FEEL so can I be mad at him for it??? No!! I don’t know!! He’s unstoppable, like a fucking god, because you find yourself shaking your head at every single positive or negative comment about him, it’s stupid, it’s dumb, but I don’t actually know if HE’S created this, or if his fanbase has. Maybe its some of both. But I think that’s what causes me to fall down this hole because there is no out there is no alternative there is no out there is no alternative there is no out there is no alternative.

I want to love this world but I can’t. Because Bojangles is fucking right he’s right about everything he has taken exactly how I feel and how i view the world and he’s put it into words and he’s shown it to me and he’s shoved it in my face and he says how do you feel about this being your worldview? Do you feel enlightened? Do you feel lucky? Do you wish you could scrub your mind clean and live in a world of lies and deceit? I do not fucking know, Mister Burnham. I do know that I hate it and I want it to stop.

I hate it and I want it to stop. I hate it and I want it to stop. I hate it and I want it to stop.

THE WORLD IS SHIT AND ITS NOT SHIT IN AN EDGY OR COOL WAY ITS SHIT IN THIS WAY THAT GENUINELY MAKES ME FEEL SICK TO MY STOMACH AND I HAVE BEEN HURT SO MANY TIMES AND I KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN HURT SO MANY TIMES AND HOW DO I GET AWAY FROM IT??? HOW DO I ESCAPE??? HOW DO I FEEL OKAY???

I think the key to life is putting your head down and loving those you can.

I fucking hate to say it, it makes me feel powerless and hopeless, but there is no stopping this goddamn machine from chewing us all up and spitting us all out and killing us again and again and again and again. There is no escape!! There’s no bloody escape!!! I am aware of all the evil in the world, all at the same time, and I have no power to stop it. This world is truly hellish. Just how do I fucking deal, though.

Bo Burnham fucking ripped me open man, I can’t close myself back up.

....

The Nice Part:

There are good things in the world.

It’s not all bad. I know it seems hopeless and horrible, but you cannot let yourself fall down this path because it will really hurt you. I know it seems hard, and counterintuitive, and lazy, and useless, and cowardly, but there is literally nothing you can do about it. Think of it as living in an evil empire. It’s confusing, because you’re told by everyone everywhere that this empire is not evil. That people are doing fine, that they’re happier than you, that this world has given them amazing things. But it is evil. Just never forget that one part.

You know what isn’t evil? Nature. Nature is not evil. It isn’t benevolent or cruel, it just is. It has beauty and chaos and so much to offer, but it just keeps going. Birds fly and squirrels run and animals are for the most part incapable of becoming sociopaths. Think about dogs. Dogs love to lick their owners faces, and get pets, and they will help people when they’re sad.

Cats too. Birds, fucking rats even.

Pets, that’s a good thing. That’s something not really tainted.

You hear an ambulance go by right now? Think about emergency services. They exist to preserve the lives of other people (we will be excluding cops from this exercise). People sign up to save others from burning buildings and from disease, and they live their lives helping. Helping, helping, helping. This exists to preserve lives.

Think of how much cheaper it would be to not have hospitals and emergency services. Think of that. But we insist on them, because humankind is about co-operation. And that’s why we’re all so miserable in this world!!

Think about that too. If people really were intrinsically evil, then they would not be appalled by things. They would not be commenting “This is exactly how I feel” on the Funny Feeling YouTube videos. They would not care that it was hellish.

He was feeding the ducks because he was feeding the ducks because he was feeding the ducks.

There are so many good people in the world. Think of that lady who devoted her life to helping AIDS victims. Think of fuckin, Ms. Neilson. Your English teacher who wrote you a note when you were going through tough times and she got you a cookie from the caf and left it on your desk. What did she have to gain from that?

It is bad. I never want you to forget that. It IS bad. It shouldn’t be happening, it is unfair, it is cruel. Everything is tangled together and everything is burning but remember that there are people who are willing to push head on to make someone’s day better or to save a life. Remember that laughter exists, that we smile for evolutionary reasons. The key is people, not systems. People. Individuals. We as a collective are scared, and easily swayed, and make bad decisions. Those in power have no souls or life in them. Anyone who profits from human suffering is unconscionably hated by billions.

Stuffed animal hospitals. People who (oftentimes for no profit) will fix up a stuffed animal that was loved by someone else. They will spend their time, money, resources, and energy on doing something that does not have any other purpose than making another person feel better. They will fix up a little toy they have no attachment to themselves, because they want to make someone else feel better.

Dude, that’s amazing. That’s fucking amazing and you know it.

Don’t let the Bezos and the Gates and the pedophilic empire sway you away from the fact that there are good people in the world. Bad and amoral people RUN the world, because we’re a young race and we have some things to work out - but there are still really good people!

The Internet is good only in small doses. Stay away from Twitter and TikTok. Don’t allow yourself to consume so many video essays that you start criticizing anything you see. Just fulfil, enjoy, do what makes you smile or what makes those gears turn. Stop doom scrolling and hate-searching. It will do you no good. It will make you a defeatist. You may not be able to save the world but you can save yourself. And you can make the lives of the people around you (however short they may be) better in the time we have. Bo Burnham says things that you agree with, but he is not God. He speaks to the part of you that is hurt and worried, but do not let that be the only piece spoken to. You are still trying to heal from childhood, love. Let yourself relax. Let yourself feel. It will all be okay in the end.

#this feels very silly #but i saw some comments from people who seemed to be really really down #and this helped me so maybe it will help you #bo burnham #inside #inside netflix #funny feeling #how the world works #bo burnham inside #welcome to the internet #hope this helps

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