#people still cried when she did
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THE X-FILES (1993-2018)
SEASON FOUR — The truth will save you, Scully. I think it'll save both of us.
#txf#tv#txf4#the x files#txfedit#tvedit#scifiedit#horroredit#.gif#thexfilesnet#*txfrewatch#this season did NOT have to go this hard...#most insane moment to me is in elegy after mulder asks her 'why can't you trust me?' when scully sits in her car and cries#and as a parallel mulder crying at home (bottom left gif) after scully tells him 'it's easier to believe the lies isn't it?' and#that she was made ill just as a means to make him believe. to fool him#INSANE SEASON for insane people#& what I already said the other day: it's also the season where they're both just stupidly attractive. :')#it's also the best acted I think (for both of them. and not just thanks to better writing)#...I still prefer s3 tho :') because I love the silly episodes too much and this season just doesn't have those (except small potatoes)#also...I watched this so quickly omg...💀 like I started on saturday I think? um... :'')#but I have to take a break now anyway. because of the horrors (adulting) so it's nice that I got this far at least!
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wait a minute
stop.
stop it.
#bnha#bnha manga spoilers#mha spoilers#mha 423#I didn't hate this chapter before that#but now I am#because this is just cruel level of REMEMBER THIS?????#yes. I do remember this. I rewatched and reread this arc VERY recently#so... he killed Kurogiri with a punch like the one he did in USJ and again to save Izuku#I don't care honestly.#I reread this chapter and I cried again bc I REALLY refused to believe that Kurogiri died then#but he did with a death words to Shirakumo's friends and recall of old chapters#even if people want Tenko alive I doubt that Kurogiri will ever materialize again#and I'm deadly serious when I say that this is the worst part of this chapter#I worried for Kurogiri's existence ever since it was revealed that Shirakumo is in there#but that literally took FIVE YEARS TO APPEAR AGAIN HAVING AN IMPORTANT ROLE#and he left while crumbling just like Tomura's body before Katsuki hit him#and the last thing he thought about was about protecting Tomura even though he was partly Shirakumo's dead corpse appearing more and more#even Mic now understood that it's really is him in a way ending his arc from back in Tartarus with Aizawa#and you know what's worse??? TOMURA KNOWS THIS#the way he used “...........” with Kurogiri's name while the page literally showed his black smoke disappearing was heartbreaking before#it's worse now#like... okay he's dying too and he doesn't even know if spinner is ALIVE or not and he saw Kurogiri disappear#all while protecting him from harm one last time#AND WE STILL HAVE NO FUCKING FLASHBACKS OF HIS TIME WITH TOMURA OUTSIDE OF WHAT WE HAD IN MANGA#I'm getting more and more furious by the minute HAHA#I need to find that one sketch I did way back in 2019 with them after spoilers of Kurogiri in Tartarus#I NEED SOMETHING LIKE THAT NOW AND I CAN'T DRAW#I want to just curl up and cry myself to sleep like a 13 y.o that found out the bird that she looked after died while she was sleeping#kurogiri
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#tw abuse#hi#im just lying down in the dark on a rainy day and need to vent here because I can’t get myself to journal#today i miss my mom so so much#I miss who she was before the drugs and alcoholism#she can be so nurturing and generous and kind when she’s not using#she couldn’t be the mother she was capable of being because of her addiction and severe mental health issues#I was emotionally and physically abused til I was 16 and the thing is#I don’t have hate or resentment for her#I only want the best for her#I just ache inside knowing that because she’s still in denial and addiction and we can’t have a relationship#I have no immediate family left and my extended family aren’t the nicest people#lately my ptsd has been triggered a lot and old trauma has been resurfaced#witnessing an incredible amount of domestic violence growing up still fucks with my head#it was so scarring#won’t get into details there but god it really did a number on me#the bottom line is I miss who my mom was before the alcohol and abuse#and more importantly#I miss myself#I miss laughing until I cried#I miss not running from everything#I miss letting myself feel#personal
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i think i've healed enough to finally get past the embarrassment this first one brings me so here goes
Things That Should Have Made People Realise I Was Neurodivergent, But Didn't, Because I Was a Good Kid Who Didn't Cause No Trouble And Masked Like A Good Girl:
that time in second grade when the class was playing outside on a hot day, and a boy took off his shirt. no one yelled at him. i was also very hot. now of course no one saw my internal debate, and trying to suss out what would be socially acceptable by using logic, but i came to the conclusion that since I was 8 years old and was personally nowhere near starting puberty, it would be okay for me to take off my shirt too. i happily played shirtless for a while, although i could definitely feel the weird looks my classmates were giving me. i wasn't confident in my assessment but i was willing to defend my logic and position. i was right and if the others disagreed, they were the weird ones. a teacher passed by in a hurry and yelled at me to put my shirt on in a scandalised tone. she didn't yell at the boy. nothing further ever came of it.
#i'm still indignant about this#like i had CONSIDERED IT#and while i realise that society isn't built in a way that doesn't sexualise little girls it fucking SHOULD BE#i was very relieved i didn't get in trouble at the time but god damn if that teacher hadn't been trying to stop a nosebleed or whatever#or like if she'd come back later and had a FUCKING TALK WITH ME#tbf i probably would have lied and masked my way through that one the best i could and then stress cried in the bathroom#also the way i just realised this is why i'm so good at lying in some situations#i was SO SCARED of being found out#found out that i didn't know what to do in a situation or how to talk to people#i was SCARED the first time we had school lunch and i was always so worried i'd have to show people i didn't know something#thank god for scripts#i actually remember developing a script in my head the first time my mum encouraged me to talk to salesperson#i was like 5#and i felt like i couldn't ask mum what to say#i had to KNOW#so i scripted it in my head and gathered my courage and asked where the whatevers were and walked back to my mum#and we went and found the whatevers together#mum fully just did that because she thought i was so shy#i was shitting bricks#i also hated the idea of going to doctor's appointments alone#it was fine for general checkups but when they were actually tryna figure shit out with my migraines it was bad#i'd forget EVERYTHING i'd need to say and i had no script and i was scared and AAAAAA#i'd always take my mum with me#there was this one doctor who hated that and tried to get me to come alone#i was 16 maybe?#when i eventually did go alone it went okay#i masked and came up on top :| and nobody noticed i was fully super depressed and neurodivergent#okay i think that's enough for now#internal monologue#adhd
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#"despite everything that happened dee- and yknow the events falling upon you thats happened- i still consider you Bondi regardless if youre#“technically in the club or not so- i just hope wherever you go you remember that”#whata fuckinh emding i guess it could’ve been worse and i enjoyed the highs and downbad lows#icant with these emo shits and drama queens today i cried and laughed sm (cried more)#its always when i have things to do irl after and my eyes are like @@#time for a hot shower and sleep for 2 days now#war is over#< bro think he did something#wow what a journey#rip dukes n jess's gifti TT^TT shes with og vb tulip and paragone now the girls are home#I’m glad he went with the tutorial dee mentore ending leaving until someone needs him with some hints and not very closed ending >> sideeye#barrys such an emo himbo goldfosh lmao the literal ending it with a bang was hot and tragicsweet#hs last memory connection with dee Clueless#🖼️🃏#i loved every last convo that was had with people- the bad and good and the painful and healing#i wish there was one with tj tho ): he called him when he thought it was his last moments in prison god i love that phonecall#wait right ill take their little chat at the gas station ⍢ it was so sweet#chip fey and ed and collin & bbs convos#and he’s been and always will be bondoi gladge#him pulling lots of new pple on their feet for years then either they exceed to great things and move on and away from him#or the city eats them and he never see them again and in all cases he ends up alone again#^i daydreamed about him saying something like that to b im glad he did#the way b speaks to him and how the club spoke to him is fascinating i want to talk about it and analys it#god not me analysing literature years after collage#and i know she was scuffed lmao but coppa looked like she said goodbye to dee too before she got into the car and idc ill take that#the two that i'll miss sm more than anything with barrys story and 4.0 dee and coppa#i think the john thing's so funny especially the “gaslighting himself that dees name was johnathon the intire time” in mc lmao but#🤲🕯️🩸 reunion in aus 🙏 🩸 rekindling 🕯️🩸 max prison or petty crimes 📿🛐 that part revival 🤲🩸🛐 its right there hes righthere 🌀😵💫#dare i say the same dee with the same memories continues 4.0 with a new page and even closer with everyone 🚛 🏭 the copium overload#I also cant wait for more suffer and joy in 4.0 yippeee
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why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up
#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director#and on my way home i was thinking when was the last time i was even talked to like that during a production#and then i remembered the costume experience from hell of only a couple months ago that i've already began blocking out#but the thing is that that person was someone i knew i'd never have to work with again#i mean at first i thought i would have to work with them more. then they announced they were moving away immediately#so i only had to deal with them face to face for another weekish after that point and anytime they yelled at me#i was like 'cool. i'll do exactly what you say to do. and nothing more.' but then of course me being me#i did some extra stuff and they initially were like 'oh that's pretty' and then days later told me to cut everything i added#and like sure i get that the show was frozen but girl. that costume was unfinished. i was trying to finish it. it was frozen but looked bad#anyway. whenever they yelled at me and had actual malice in their heart i was like whatever. i was hurt. but i didn't care as much.#but this time it's someone i've worked with many many times before and it was about a habit i have that i know isn't great#but at the same time the thing that prompted it wasn't even me doing this habit it was something else#but she interpreted it as that habit and said that i can't do that on a production she's directing#and that if i couldn't stop then i could pull out from the production and there'd be no hard feelings between us#and honestly i think her reassuring that she knows i'm valuable and that she wants me there while also telling me not to do this thing#and the fact that she's someone i like working with and will continue to work with just made it all hurt so much more#especially since she referenced another past production we've done where i didn't even realize she had noticed that i do this.#and i found myself in near tears. and still am kind of in near tears. i can't decide if i need to cry or not.#and i had NO sleep last night so i was looking forward to sleeping tonight but now i'm just overthinking EVERYTHING#and like. i know everything will be fine. if i just stop inserting myself and stick to just my specific tasks. it'll be fine.#but this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i feel like i have to personally fix something i notice going wrong. or it'll be bad.#because every single time i choose to sit back and not be nosy when i notice something it ends up bad in a way i could have prevented#if i just inserted myself in a situation i technically wasn't part of but knew i could help or fix. so i just need to not do that.#but then i feel guilt if it does go wrong in the ways i immediately assumed it would and in a way i could prevent.#and i've been trying to work on this for like 6 months and aaaahhhh it's hard and being called out on it from her just really really hurt#i still may or may not cry. i don't know. the irony of me telling my therapist THIS MORNING that it's been a while since i last cried.#and the universe being like 'i took that as a challenge' and handing me this situation for me to spiral over.#i need to leave things alone. i need to stare straight ahead. and ignore whatever isn't specifically for me to do. but ahhh i want to help#and then of course my mom has this same habit and it annoys me when she does it yet i do it to other people and ahhhhhhhh#brain please just shut up. i need to sleep. i have to work tomorrow.
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My ass was trying so hard not to jump up and down with glee playing yttd with my sister and getting to the shin reveal I was like MY GUY MY FUNNY LAD MY SILLY RABBIT
#the klock keeps ticking#yttd#its like i cant get ahead of myself when talking about him cuz theres still a lot not revealed by the end of ch2 but STILLLL#i was keeping my opinions on characters pretty neutral this whole playthrough though my bias towards gin and kai was very apparent lol#and i did start screaming in agony reliving my worst nightmare joe dying#i dont think my sister was nearly as torn up about it as i was though like god ill still never get over it#the first time i played i actually gross sobbed like maybe i was just sleep deprived but i was inconsolable literally never cried that hard#but yeah we did the second main game today and i was like#‘not trying to persuade your vote but heres one million reasons why we should let shin live ahaha’#i dont think she was very happy with her vote aldnks#but yeah i really am gonna be sooo annoying next time we play im literally gonna bring pages of shin analysis with me that i can gush about#it is an interesting thing this character cuz to me like everything about him is so clear like even from the beginning i just didnt buy#the idea that he was genuinely an asshole i knew there had to have been something more going on#and idk if ive made it clear guys…but hes exactly like me guys hes just like me fr#his story hits so hard it feels like my own self insert which is weird cuz obviously thats not true#but like i feel like its either you get it or you dont and if you dont understand exactly what this character feels cuz you feel it yourself#i feel like so much of him just wont make any sense to you#maybe im just being pretentious idk but like if you cant relate to his abuse and just#very blatant bpd then I feel like youll just judge him on how good or badof a person he is#like it just doesnt feel like itd hit in the same way like when i see this character talking about being hopeless and the way his trauma#makes him act irrationally like god it just clicks so hard it makes so much sense and i can physically feel it through the screen#I MAY BE FERAL ABOUT THIS CHARACTER TO AN ABSURD DEGREE SHHH#basically what im getting at is i feel if i dont over explain everything about this character to other people i fear they just Wont Get It#and that they will be judgmental which idk i guess makes me defensive#anyway yeah i just enjoy getting to re experience the spiral this guy has given me and i will be thinking about it a lot tonight
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I didnt know the tags woulr be so much i shouldve just wrote a long vent 😭😭😭 rip
#lol. there are still times where my brain goes omg what if you’re really a narc#and then i go out of my way to make sure my friends are as comfortable as possible and thati meet all their needs and i apologize every few#minutes for something silly or for maybe hurting them unintentionally and then i remember of#every fallout w people in my life where i was always taking responsibility for my actions n for my role to what led to the fallouts no#matter how toxic the person was and i remember all the times i geniunely apologized to my siblings for my mistakes (without them pointing#out i did smth wrong) and i remember all the tomes someone told me i hurt them and i owned up to it and apologized and then i go#oh ywa. maybe not ?#bonus: all the times i helped someone out in secret to bring some ease in their life without ever telling them or bragging eith it or#using it against them or reminding them that i did x y z for them#and then all the times where my guilt ate me up at nights and i cried and the times where i brought out the best of people because my love#is Nuturing. yea#AND I GUESS THE FACT THAT MY EX BEST FRIEND TOLD ME IM A NARC AND I STRAIGHT UP WENT OMG YEA! PROBABLY! BECAUSE I WOULDVE BELIEVED HER#ANYTHING 😭😭😭😭 BECAUSE INWAS SO SURE SHE KNEW ME BETTER THAN I KNEW MYSELF! 😭😭😭#BECAUSE I HAD LOST MYSELF COMPLETELY IN THE FRIENDSHIP 😭😭😭😭 NOT VERY NARC OF ME 😭😭😭😭😭😭#but yea. i guess abandonment issues apathy and lack of communication skills (which leads to passive aggressivness) will make you look like a#narc i get where she came from! but still. if i ever see someone diagnose other people i will simply tell them to shut up#especially based on sentences taken out of context. not very sexy#and also very stupid.#rationally seen i shouldve kicked out the thought that im probably not one when my therapist told me theres no chance i am but. when you get#treated like a freaking mondter from the people you’ve trusted deeply. it does something to you >.>#also when my therapist said that she has No rights to make Any diagnosis or statements about other people because whatever i tell her its#going to tell her more about me than them. i shouldve just dtopped believing it honestly. like freaking sideeye to those therapists thst#told my ex friends im a narc. and a big fat kiss to my therapist for being such a beautiful empathstic underztanding patient beautiful and#kind person#alhamdulillah ^-^#kicked out the thought thst i am one *#and also a big fat sorry for being hsving no empathy. my communication skills are getting brtter and im working on my abandonment issues#(sfter being abandoned by my closest friends and family hello this is so sexy of me) and im soooo much more st peace w myself n i like and#care aboyt myself ^-^ even just writing a list of positive things ahout me is smth i wouldve never done two years ago#(also my family took me back alhamdulillah eheh)
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haha shoutout to the time my eyes were called ugly bc they were deepset thats a wild one i dont know why that was something i had to be told
#like why are teenage girls so mean#and she wasnt even PopularTM or anything#she was just. a deeply horrible person. who somehow managed to be friends with my friends.#she threw a fit when i said i think people should have access to healthcare. like straight up cried.#and then when i said something like 'yknow what i like my flat ass' bc i needed ONE SECOND of self love. for ONCE in my life#she got BIG MAD and told everyone i 'hated people with fat butts'#she was deeply fucked up and made it my problem#and the rudeness did not end when we moved away#evidently she still talked shit about me#calling what i did useless or whatever#uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh#i hate remembering this shit!#i hate this!#anyway. shoutout to ppl deep set eyes#you're not ugly. you're cute.#bc yknow what. im cute. so you are too <3 i love u
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Long story short, she had a fight with rebound and home girl wasn’t letting her leave so she stayed the night. But she no longer wants anything to do with her and I feel like that came with the undertone of “I don’t wanna see her again because our fights were easier.” That might just be me tho.
#she cried and I felt bad#but she did it to herself#I made it clear i won’t be tolerating that again#but that I love and care still#because I can’t just throw 3 1/2 years down the drain like she tried to#but I kept a firm tone and made it abundantly clear that she’s overstepping too many boundaries#and she’s lucky to be burning bridges with very forgiving people who love unconditionally#and this is getting ridiculous#but I’m sticking to the 3 week rule for myself#if she tries to get back with me#she has to wait and think ALONE if that’s really what she wants after next week passes#I don’t know what my answer will be#but it’s either no. definitely not rn#or yes and she’ll be working at my pace on my time#I have a list of hard boundaries that will not change until I say so#and I have high expectations#and I might still move out when I have the money for it#I’m proud of the way I handled everything#cuz I wanna go to her job and give her a big bear hug#but I know she’s coming to the realization that she really fucked around and found out this time#and it’s a rude awakening but 🤷🏽#you played yourself babe#today is gonna be interesting if I’m home when she gets home#but on the bright side I actually have an interview at that kpop store now#I’m really excitedddd#anyways#my ringer is on if she needs me#today is about me tho
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‘Yet another mean girl from secondary school joined an mlm’ incident leaves local woman laughing in her home
#she wasn’t really someone who was mean to Me but she was definitely a mean girl#she was one of those people who pretends to be nice to your face but talks shit behind your back and is in everyone’s business#i remember she got way too nosy with me once about a personal issue i was experiencing and i absolutely bit her head off over it#and she was really careful around me after that lmao#although she did try to stick her oar into an argument i was having with someone; and i again told her to mind her business#iirc this girl cried to her about something i said and the mean girl came to me like ‘you’re overreacting and you need to apologise’#and i said ‘i am not; i will not; you don’t even know what happened; you weren’t there; fuck off’#so like i said she didn’t bully me because she didn’t have the capacity#she definitely bullied other people though. and now she’s in the military so is definitely bullying somebody#well. when she’s not shilling cheap shitty perfume for an mlm#it’s a little funny. like it’s not on the same level as when the girl who bullied me for 10 years lost her travel agent job during the#pandemic and became an avon lady#but it’s still pretty funny#my life may be a bit of a mess but at least i’m not in an mlm 💀#personal
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fuckin. annoying that i miss the best friend my relationship petered out with like 3-4 years ago still every single fucking day
#i tried so hard and i held on so much longer than i should have#but since another one of my best friends just had two of hers absolutely ghost her#and then have the gall to say ‘i was trying to let this friendship die with some dignity’#when she was a coward and just completely abandoned my friend#it brought back my sadness and my hurt and my anger and confusion from my own situation#i still don’t know what happened and i wanted to.#i tried to adjust to what i thought could be the problem but nothing worked#it was just. emptiness.#and that was really hard. i have cried over it many times.#friendship breakups are so tragic - especially when you cling to it with all you have#because even tho there’s no response that ALSO doesn’t show you you’re no longer wanted#not if you have anxiety and need clarity and closure anyway 🙃#it took me a long time to accept that#but i’ve been ghosted enough times now that i think it has ducked me#fucked me up in how i feel about ppl#and how much i trust them. how much i trust that they’ll stick around.#i think i have 4 people from my entire life that i can confidently say will not leave#(outside of my family i guess i should say)#it just sucks. being abandoned sucks. especially when you don’t know why. and you did what you could to save it.#b:personal#text post
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Stupidly I decided to watch this video just now.
Today would have been my Grandma's birthday, but we lost her last fall and then my Nanna in the winter.
I did not think that a commentary video on Rugrats would make me uncontrollably sob. But I blocked out how sad the Mother's Day episode was. And combining it with Grandma's birthday...
I've spent the last 10 minutes or so doubled over crying.
#i kind of knew some sort of emotional outbreak was incoming soon but i didn't know when#that time ended up being now#because the start of this week was emotional since a show i was working on ended#and for some reason that show ending just felt way more emotional than other shows i've done ending#so many people were crying. but i didn't cry.#we had had a performance on mother's day and our director had lost her mother recently#so she was upset that whole day and so was so much of the cast and crew. i still didn't cry.#while holding a crying friend at the closing party i told another friend that the emotions will hit me later.#i didn't know when but i knew it was going to. at some time.#both my grandmothers had passed while i was working on different productions with this group#and both times i came to the theater hours later and it had been emotionally healing to be there.#this was the first production i worked on after losing both of them so it felt a little weird.#(plus the color purple trailer came out and that book and musical makes me SOB and i refuse to watch the trailer)#(also add in Tina Turner's passing and her birth name being the same as my grandma's)#and basically all of those feelings and having these other theatre experiences mixed up with my losses#combining with it being my grandma's birthday AND i happened to be crocheting when i watched this video#which is a defining skill that Grandma taught me... i was SUCH a mess. i just could not stop crying.#i had mentioned backstage that i can't rewatch moana because i can't handle the storyline anymore.#and just now while in the middle of this emotional explosion i thought of moana and cried HARDER.#this is a good commentary but GOD i did not expect it to trigger all of this.#when i say doubled over i mean literally doubled over and shaking.#anyway. i think i feel better now. i think i needed this crying session.#in sims your sim can have an 'emotional bomb' quirk. they freak out uncontrollably for 30 seconds then they're fine.#i've never really hated that quirk because that is literally me.
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#for some reason thinking abt my birthday (in 3 months) and how. most likely. for the like third time in as many years. it will be a quiet#disappointment. turning 23 and knowing my friends will do the bare minimum to celebrate with me#and like. I love them both very much and they are good friends but like. last#year one friend bought me coffee and forgot the present she meant to give me as a half Xmas half bday gift. and the other fully forgot it#was my birthday at all. and it feels like every year I try to think of something I want to do and people I want to spend it with and it’s#like hearing cats and pulling teeth to try to organize anything and most of the time it still manages to fall through and it feels like. why#bother at this point when I know it’s a hassle and it’s frustrating and it makes me feel uncared for and disappointed yk#like I’m the organizer and the plan guy in almost all my friendships and that’s fine I don’t mind I love being that person. but it sucks to#have to feel like you’re cajoling people into giving a shit about your birthday and celebrating it with you#and now I feel like a fuxking self centered pity party throwing piece of shit bc it’s not that deep and it’s not that important and it’s not#even soon. but there’s always this small part of me that like. hopes for my friends to take initiative and do something and want to celebrat#with me and throw a party or even a surprise party which I would love and it’s like. it’s never going to happen. they won’t. and it’s not bc#they don’t care about me but it’s bc they won’t ever think to do that. it won’t occur to them. and I just. have to deal with that and I have#to accept my birthdays as quiet and find the personal internal joy for myself and not depend on people to show they care about me the way I#I would show for them. yk? like that’s what it comes down to. I just. I cried on my birthday last year bc it felt like I gave more of a shit#than my friends did. and that sucked. and I don’t want to feel like that again so it feels like the solution is to lower my expectations so#radically that I can’t be disappointed. and that just sucks a little bit too#anyway. it’s not that deep it’s fine I’m fine my birthdays not for months still I don’t know why I’m feeling emotional abt this
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honestly i knew going into a serious relationship before summer was going to be a bad idea because i knew something would go wrong with long distnace. i even wanted to go official AFTER summer but its also like theres no win-win because theres no tellin gwhere wed have been in our 'situationship' by the end of summer. but in a way maybe it wouldve been better if we never dated either because then i wouldnt have to be this fuckign devastated about it
#i havent cried about it in a few days which is good!!! but the pain is always there#classes have def helped i think so thats good#but still the memoryof her haunts like every fuckign corner. every time i go to dance team second hour im staring forlornly at the ground#because im just rememerign about how hot she thought it was when i danced#and imnd you im not even a good dancer. the fact she thought it was hot makes me so fucking emotional like fuck i miss her so bad#with her it was like i actually FELT confident. she made me a better person in general and for myself#like ive never felt beautiful until we started dating and every time she looked atme i was like damn i must be somewhat attractive to deser#this kind of attention#and also like she was just so different from the environment i grew up in#she made me realize that like i dont have to try to show up to people. i can just be happy with what suits me best instead of#trying to one-up people and failing at it#GODDD I MISS HER SO MUCH WHO IS EVER GOING TO LOVE ME THE WAY SHE DID!!!
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Have you ever been assumed to be romantically attracted to someone and even just the thought of that makes you want to throw up . Anybody
#had someone's husband in my dms going on about how i want this bitch romantically and frankly if i hadn't been so busy crying i would've#actually thrown up . absolutely disgusting idea . vile even . horrid concept#anyway tldr im down a best friend because he didn't tell me anything i was doing was wrong after telling me that everything was okay and#then sent his husband after me to call me a creep that was obsessed with him that also apparently tried to make out w him#the same trip that my best friend of five years told me he hated having me in his hometown to see him graduate.#this was after i found out my cat had been murdered and mutilated and thrown in my granma's garden . that day happened to be my birthday#because my ma was kind enough to drive me and my lil brother down there to go see him graduate bc he was also supposed to move in w us the#month after . and he told me right after i got home that he 'didn't think it would be good for our relationship' and apparently#just didn't know how to tell me until a month before it was supposed to happen . bonkers times over here#anyway i didn't want to make out with him . he cried after i wouldn't have sex w him just last december . which i specifically got high as#shit to avoid . and i dont even have like. actual examples of what i was doing wrong to go off of so now i just get to live in mystery#forever ig. like shocker that the person that's been my best friend for five years would tell his husband to say that to me and not say that#shit to me himself . this is a wild to me . i feel like im going insane . can anybody even hear me what's going on#you know its bad when your mama gets so sick of you crying over a friend that she hugs you for the first time in years#also i cant sleep my head hurts . crying is evil . devils liquid . might watch rpdr or something . still nauseous over the idea of being#into him romantically btw . like still nauseous over that . like what a fucking insult to our entire friendship#does saying that we may as well have been made of the same atoms mean like . nothing . does nothing ive said to or about him not mean anythi#ng if its not romantic in nature . what did i do that wasnt enough for him. i fucking told him he outgrew me and that was fine i just#wanted to know if we were still friends or not and he said we were and i believed him. if he told me the sky was green i would make it so#ripping my hair out . am i being dramatic . am i the only person that wasn't expecting this . am i the only one that didn't know#when i had to tell people who knew about the moving plans that he changed his mind the first fucking thing i was told was “i thought it migh#t happen.“ WELL I FUCKINH DIDN'T . AND NOBODY TOLD ME#this is like . the second most humiliating moment of my life . aside from movinggate because at least nobody irl has to know about this#anyway . this boy could've taken my blood and i'd sit there and smile while he did it because he was my best friend .#i was so glad we got to grow up together. i miss him already. im taking my little brother to school my myself for the first time and all im#gonna wanna do is tell him about it . im tired . i want to sleep . im still so nauseous . did none of it mean anything just because ive#never and will never like him romantically. does that make everything less worthy somehow#i hope he never talks to me again. i dont think i could handle this again. he let is fucking husband say that shit to me. not him.#puppmeo misery
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