#people that make me feel inferior with a dose of passive aggressiveness? no thanks

[1-800-i-ship-it]

32: What words upset me the most

warning this kinda turned into a rant im sorry about that ajklsdf dont read on if u dont want to read about my salt 

er hm i dont really have specific words, but probably guilt tripping or passive aggressiveness, i really hate that stuff (if its like sarcastic or whatever then its fine but yea just would prefer not to) also straight up lying to me to take advantage of me or manipulation (ive gotten better at steering clear of these things than before but yea) 

some other pet peeves are when people say “no offense but _________” which to me is pointless because how am i supposed to respond to something like “no offense but heres something offensive but since i’ve said no offense u cant really say anything back to me now ok cool bye” i’d rather just have u say whatever it is without the “no offense” part, also i havent had to deal with this in a while but when someone says “hope ur happy now” snidely after giving in or whatever (i guess this falls into passive aggressiveness) its also quite annoying

dont even get me started on parents who want to talk to me bc i seem successful and just want to weed out information etc so they can can take advantage of my experience or whatever, that stuff is annoying as hell (honestly, accusing someone of being good at something? and then asking how theyre good at it in a salty tone? bullshit) and ive gotten good at dodging questions; i know when ur being genuine or not :) (if u actually need help and are genuine, i am happy to help! but if ur just here to leech off me, bye!) and i also know when ur just hounding me on my standardized test scores & extracurriculars :) and i also know when you only talk to me bc it seems like im doing well and want to leech info and when you ignore me later bc u think ur better than me now and dont need me anymore :) 

pro tip: just compliment them and their children and say theyre doing well + some bs about working hard to be successful and they will be fine, laugh awkwardly, and then end the convo while dunking on capitalistic tendencies in ur head 

pro tip #2 for classmates who constantly take advantage of you: when it gets to a certain point, im serious, just keep saying you dont know–who cares if they think u’ve become dumb that was honestly never any of their business anyways. and if someone isnt pulling their weight in a group project let the teacher know and if the teacher doesnt care, assign people tasks and keep in mind the goal is to get them to do work–might damper ur pride but sometimes that just how it is. but for other things please remember to protect yourself and DONT let yourself get sucked into cheating scandals or whatnot bc someone wont be friends with you if u dont help them with x and y (aka do all the work for them), thats complete and utter bullshit and means they arent real friends to you, please go find other friends and dont tell yourself u have to put up with them bc u dont have anyone else. if u need a friend and cant find one u can come talk to me instead 

on another note when someone tells me they are disappointed in me that really hurts too :^) but thats different 

so yea thats about it im sorry this became a full blown rant oops 

[feynavaley]

Aaaah hi I absolutely love your characterization of the NA bros, especially Matthew! Like you said in your post, people really like to make him OOC, so I really appreciate you for making him the timid, shy, and sweet person that he is! It’s hard to find content like that unfortunately. But I was wondering if you had any headcanons for Matthew and/or Alfred? I’d love to see more of your input on them! Have a great day and keep up the amazing work!! 💖

Thank you so much for this lovely message and for your support!! 💖

About Canada, I’m afraid I might have exaggerated my point a bit in the previous post. Canada isn’t only shy and meek – in fact, he has demonstrated that he can be quite determined and even stand up for himself against America. This brings me to believe that, for how complacent he normally is, Canada is going to stand his ground for something he truly believes in. He also undeniably has a passive-aggressive attitude when pushed to his limit. Moreover, Himaruya has stated that he is a smart tactician (which can also be seen in how he’s able to recognize and hit America’s weak points during their infamous argument) and a good fighter, which means Canada is physically strong as well.

My gripe is with people reducing Canada only to these marginal aspects of his personality. Canada is physically strong and active, that’s true, but, as I have already said, he’s unlikely to match America. [x] He can be snarky and passive-aggressive – but only if pushed to his limit, his general disposition is kind and selfless and he genuinely cares for others. He has dismissed several times his needs and preferences in order to please other people or make them comfortable. And, no matter how much he suffers due to his self-worth issues, he forces himself to be positive and to work hard in order to better himself. This is undeniably a big part of his character, and I always get a bit frustrated when people dismiss it in order to turn Canada sarcastic, bitter, and selfish – because he’s a much better character than that! Sorry for the rant, I hope it made sense, haha. If you’re interested, I have already talked in length about Canada’s personality. [x]

Back to America and Canada, I certainly have a lot of headcanons about them!😊 I have already written down some, you can find them in the following link. [x] (Or, if you’re from the app, in this one: [x]). I even wrote a full analysis of their relationship, once. [x]

On a more general note, I would say that America and Canada are extremely close. Part of this is due to geographical reasons – being near each other, they have more occasions to visit one another. In addition to this, I feel like, being the same ‘age’ and having a similar origin, America and Canada would relate better to one another than to older nations with a completely different history, which would help them feel closer. Moreover, I think that they used to be extremely close during their childhood, after England gained control of Canada. It was only a few years before the Revolutionary War, but from some panels, it almost looks like they used to live together, which would surely have left an impact.

In fact, it’s canon that Canada didn’t want to choose between America and England – and it’s also canon that America was soon eager to rekindle their bond. There was a bit of hesitance on Canada’s part, in the beginning, but it looks like he quickly got over it. From there on, Canada and America are portrayed to be very close and spending a lot of time together. Of course, Canada feels inferior to America and he doesn’t think his brother has a high consideration of him – but America actually feels the contrary, and this has never stopped them from spending time together. I also headcanon that, since the birth of internet, they have been keeping in even closer contact, between phones and social media. America is very active on social media, while Canada posts more sporadically – but, no matter what, they are those two people who always like each other’s posts.

Another important point is that, in spite of the occasional arguments, (that I would also like to mention are quite normal, between brothers) Canada seems to enjoy spending time with America. I think that this is because they share similar interests: they like nature and the outdoors, so I headcanon that they like spending time exploring or simply hiking together, and they also like sightseeing different countries. They both definitely have a nerdy side, too. I can’t help but think that America and Canada love having anime marathons and playing video games together, and they get very competitive about it. 

A detail I found quite interesting was how Canada was able to stand his ground only when he was arguing against America. For a person as insecure as Canada is, this is a big hint that he feels more relaxed in America’s presence that he is in the presence of anybody else. He does think America is better in any aspect than he is, but, at the same time, he doesn’t feel like he has to hide his imperfections to him or please him in every way. This is probably the healthiest relationship Canada has in canon, and I can’t help but think it comes from them having spent so much time together since childhood.

On America’s part, I’m certain he’s aware of how much Canada genuinely values him. Given America’s struggles with loneliness and the fact he’s actually aware many nations don’t like him (for how much he thinks they are the ones in the wrong for not liking him – I have already said this, but I think America isn’t too insecure; on the contrary, he has quite a healthy dose of self-esteem), I’m sure he values a lot his relationship with Canada, and Canada is one of the first people he turns to when he’s in need of comfort.

More on the headcanon side, I will never get tired of saying that I think both America and Canada are fiercely protective of one another – for America, it’s a consequence of his ‘heroic’ fantasies, for Canada, it stems from his deep loyalty to the people he cares for. They both cannot stand to see the other in pain, and will go against anybody threatening him. At the first hint that one is in any kind of distress (sick, injured, or even sad), the other will check on him and, if the situation is dire enough, go to his house to take care of him. This one is kind of silly, but I also headcanon that, with Canada being a very unlucky person, America always has a first-aid kit at hand when they’re together and checks on Canada at least once a day when he knows there’s ice/snow. He gets almost overbearing, but Canada doesn’t truly mind.

And wow, I’m realizing just now that this ramble got really out of control. 😅 Hope it was what you were looking for!

[amylehpamer]

rut and roll

"Do something each day that scares you"

My thought when I read this on posters in sub par cafes or on Lululemon bags is FUCK OFF.

An Australian translation would be "get amongst it", and I suppose it's all derivative of "Carpe Diem". However it's expressed, the reality is I'm allergic to the concept. The allergy presents itself in deep sighs, audible to my partner from across the room, aggressive nail biting and a very defensive tone.  

I don't like doing things that scare me. I don't like to be scared. I avoid compromising situations. In my case these situations vary from loud clubs to dog parks to meeting new people. I colour in the lines. And yes, everyone who has ever seen a counsellor/psychologist.. I know it all boils down to the fact that I don't like being out of control. Still, I don't want to grab life by the scruff of the neck and make it my bitch. I don't want to live loudly.  Life needn't be my bitch. I don't know which way to YOLO*.  And til now I've done nicely at achieving what I'd like at a steady, achievable pace. I've had a good dose of luck based on a great deal of preparation.

But I am stuck right now. And my attitude is a big problem.

My resistance to motivation is getting worse as I get older. I'm becoming a crone. And it is because I am scared. Unlike some of our neighbours, I am not scared of brown people, or even automation taking over my job. Who hasn't worked with a few robots in their time already (boom, tish). I can't go online without seeing towering achievement after towering achievement. People are fucking miraculous and motivated and continually asking things of themselves that push boundaries and surprise and elevate those around them. Fuck you, Facebook friends, for elevating the rest of us by association. Social media proves itself time and time again to be quagmire of shitness: its existence as a distraction, its fuelling of my clothes addiction and severe reckoning with my previously decent body image are just a few of these shit things. However, rising up from this fetid pit of consumerist, self hate motivating propaganda is a glorious local news bulletin of achievement. It is magnificent.

Things I love about the internet/social media No longer are parents reduced to a birth notice as the basis for congratulations on a new born. We now get fully detailed origin stories. It is always a genuinely great read and the photos are beautiful and the outpouring of love is real and life affirming.

People can post a clip of themselves singing and it gets watched and shared and praised. And probably bitched about a little, but that's not what I'm focusing on here.

New jobs, new homes, new hair. I love that every blow wave gets its bit of airtime, that birthdays get acknowledged and that every end of year we state our resolutions like we mean it and rescind them as soon as we capitulate during FebFast.

Podcasts!!!

You can write a dumb blog about being an unmotivated crone and at least your sister will read it and share it (not hinting, Stef, you're just very supportive and I appreciate that). If you just wrote shit down in your diary 15 years ago, no one was going to see it and printing it out and handing it out to friends at Christmas would be a little on the nose. Although, I have a mortgage now and maybe self publishing my essays on existing could save me a little Christmas cashola. Bookmark this thought, Amy.

Anyway, the social media can be a good realm for outlets and boosts. It can also be a cesspool of muck: destructive, hurtful and a vortex into which productivity goes to die. I have written another post all about this that I probably wont post cause it's not going to help any of us, because do I really need to add fuel to that bin fire?**

The point is, my point here is.. Despite getting some things done in my time, I now have down time and instead of feeling liberated and flexible I feel scared again.  And feeling scared is different to doing things that scare you.  It's pathetic and passive and makes me feel small and inferior. I've lost some groove. And getting a little older makes achieving anything BIG and life changing seem exponentially more difficult. The decreasing elasticity in my face seems to relate directly to my inability to bounce back from rejection. Vulnerability has never been my strong suit, particularly in public, and instead of liberating me it's causing heartache and volatility.  

Quite basically, I am human and I don't know what to do about it.  I'm a high achiever that doesn't know what's worth achieving. Sure, I got some skills but they may need retooling. And amidst all this happening from within my own ticking brain, on the outside I'm fighting with my boyfriend, my dad doesn't believe in climate change, and I'm only just climbing out of the dumb shock of being advised by a doctor to quit performing altogether so I could make a life more suited to being a mother, which I should aim to be within the next year. Or else.  

It's a bizarre and unbalanced life, this one, and it's gotten the better of me more days than it hasn't so far this year. (It's ok, I know that doctor is a crock. I only wish I had a good response on the day. I just cried a lot.)

So tonight I write. I write in thanks for the reminders that there is much super human happening around me. I write in fear for the world, because there's a lot happening around us that's scary and sad. I write to hold a giant mirror to myself, trying desperately not to criticise what I see. And I write to be productive. It's exercise, catharsis and yes, it is a way of forcibly scaring my scared self. I have emoted, I am now vulnerable. This is very uncomfortable for me.

Signing off, defeated by the positive messaging of Lululemon and mental health professionals but admittedly relieved that I have poured out some of the mess in my brain and done something. In protest, I'm going to attempt to live well within my comfort zone tomorrow. COME AT ME, COMFORT ZONE.

*YOLO is a really problematic concept for me. Do I to eat all the donuts and drink the wine because YOLO, or do I avoid refined sugars and alcohol because YOLO and your health is important in that one life of yours. I think I'm more in the latter team for YOLO (which just feels like the wrong team. It is the wrong team, isn't it?)

** I really just wanted an understanding place to detail my kaleidoscope of feelings after seeing an instagram video ad that showed a woman getting filler in her cheekbones. It was obscene in the extreme. But... is it actually the future that we will all be Maleficent and maybe I should jump on board and be a taste maker in the area, despite being fairly terrified of needles and also of Maleficent??