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d2kvirus · 4 years

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Dickheads of the Month: October 2020

As it seems that there are people who say or do things that are remarkably dickheaded yet somehow people try to make excuses for them or pretend it never happened, here is a collection of some of the dickheaded actions we saw in the month of October 2020 to make sure that they are never forgotten.

After months of the Tory government fucking up their response to the Covid pandemic you would think that they’d have some baseline of competence by now, but no, it turns out that the Test & Trace program they were so proud of was nothing more than an Excel spreadsheet - an Excel spreadsheet that lost the data of at least 16,000 people, while also begging the question how they spend £12bn of taxpayer’s money on an Excel spreadsheet, to which the answer is...they didn’t, it was existing software, they just pocketed the cash

It comes as no surprise that proven liar Boris Johnson puts the blame on the rising Covid numbers in the UK on the public - because it's definitely not been his master advisor breaking the lockdown rules to pop to Durham with his family after testing positive for Covid on what just so happened to be his wife’s birthday, not the Tory government changing the rules on masks when Michael Gove was spotted in Pret Manger without one, and definitely nothing to do with cases rising significantly within two weeks of the double whammy of the Tory government saying children “must” go back to school and people must go back to work as they can now be fired if they don’t. Definitely not their fault, Not at all...

The approach of the Tory government to Manchester being upgraded to Tier 3 boils down to initially promising to provide the fully-costed £60m package that Mayor of Manchester Andy Burnham requested, only to turn around and give them £20m instead and try and justify it by saying it boils down to £8 per head for the entire population. After all, if Burnham really wanted that money, he’d have been one of Dominic Cummings’ mates and completely unqualified for the job, as that’s the quickest way to open the purse strings as wide as he’d like

It was quite impressive that Margaret Ferrier came to the conclusion that, having tested positive for Covid while in London, obviously the best course of action would be to take a train journey 400 miles back to Scotland before self-isolating, because of course nobody else used that train

...although some of the Tory MPs criticising Ferrier really should have paused before commenting, mainly to check whether they were the ones vociferously defending Dominic Cummings for his 300 mile drive to Durham after testing positive or his subsequent drive to Bernard Castle to test his eyesight

Not only did the Tory government vote against giving free school meals to children a mere ten days after awarding Marcus Rashford an MBE for his work in trying to give underprivileged children free school meals, but they tried all manner of excuses to defend it best exemplified by Nicky Morgan saying she voted to let children starve because Angela Rayner called one of her parliamentary colleagues “scum”, while Twitter troll Ben Bradley claimed that people spent their free school meal vouchers in crack dens and brothels, before claiming he was “misquoted” - which is Tory code for “I have deleted that tweet, because I do not understand how screengrabs work”

Remember how Rishi Sunak has been presented as the human face of the Tory party? I have to ask, since he decided to yank £1000 a month from Universal Credit payments, and for some reason the “centrists” of Twitter who have been lionising him for several months have been oddly quiet

The batshittery of the Home Office has now extended to coming up with increasingly ludicrous plans to prevent migrants, with the latest bright idea of Priti Patel (and don’t pretend it was anyone else) being to have ships in the English Channel using pipes to blow air into the water that will create waves to send them back to France - as if a dinghy wouldn’t just steer around the ship, or that they wouldn’t make Calais and Sangat the best surfing destinations in northern France overnight

...and it got worse when we learned that Priti Patel was informed that a knife-wielding man stormed into the office of a migration solicitor spouting the exact same rhetoric and injured the receptionist, to which her response was to double down on the rhetoric as if she and proven liar Boris Johnson weren’t inciting violence at this point

...which makes smirking cretin Priti Patel issuing a statement expressing sadness at a couple of child migrants drowning in the English Channel about as sincere and reassuring as a card from Harold Shipman expressing sympathy for the death of an elderly relative

Not for the first time Keir Starmer managed to take all the focus off the Tories and onto the Labour party with his moronic approach to running his own party, namely by suspending Jeremy Corbyn for the crime of...hang on, he actually hasn't said what infraction Corbyn committed by responding to the EHRB report into antisemitism in the Labour party, but he suspended him anyway

...while Lisa Nandy supported this by using a blatant strawman argument saying “There are some on the left” who believe blatant anti semitic tropes...blatant anti semitic tropes that she invoked in the exact same sentence as her obvious strawman argument

Suspected rapist Brett Kavanaugh has been busy using legal loopholes to try and claim that votes in Wisconsin only count if they were tallied up on Election Day and no day past that. Because as we know, US Presidential Elections have often been straightforward affairs where both vote counts and recounts are always necessary, as Kavanaugh obviously remembers as he was working for George W Bush’s campaign in Florida after the 2000 election

How nice of the Tory government to use a parliamentary loophole to completely avoid allowing a vote on whether or not the UK should import chlorinated chicken, therefore enshrining both the importance of democracy and the importance of food safety standards - in the EU

Once again Keir Starmer seems to think “Opposition” means “Whip your MPs into abstaining”, this time on the Covert Human Intelligence Sources Bill, because as we all know letting legislation pass that absolves the police of any and all illegal activity is definitely going to win voters around

Good guy Rishi Sunak took the Tim Martin approach to worker relations by telling musicians to get another job if they were so worried about their finances - which not only ignores the fact that plenty of musicians do already have more than one job, but also begs the question why this same advice hasn’t been given to the landlords carping about rent holidays etc

Not only did The Sun blatantly lie by claiming a photo of Jeremy Corbyn taken at a wake was at a “posh dinner party” as obvious rage bait for their knuckle-dragging readership, but it has to be asked where they got the photos from as they weren’t shared publicly on Twitter or Instagram

...although the Freudian slip by the BBC when reporting the non-story, calling Corbyn “the Labour leader”, not only sums up just how shit they are at reporting facts these days, but also underlines he’s doing a better job of rattling the establishment’s cages than Keir Starmer has

Definitely not a conspiracy theorist Julia Halfwit Hartley-Brewer claimed that the government are combining Covid numbers and flu numbers so that they could...anyone got any idea what the point of making this up was?

Instead of keeping Robert Jenrick locked in a cupboard until the whole “Getting backhanders which influence who he gives property contracts to” thing goes away (spoilers: it won’t) instead they sent him out to justify £25m to a Jake Berry’s constituency - to which he said it was fine, as Jake Berry gave £25m to Jenrick’s constituency so there’s no reason to say anything dodgy is going on

For some strange reason Dominic Cummings doesn't have to face any charges for his failure to pay £30,000 worth of council tax on a property he also broke planning laws to have extended. Yes, there’s a reason I put this directly after the phases “Robert Jenrick” and “backhanders”...

The ridiculousness that is Liz Truss started the month proudly stating that post-Britait trade negotiations with the US would undermine Britsh farmers - and this wasn’t a flub, she genuinely meant to express this - and ended with the frankly baffling crowing from the Department of Trade about how “soya sauce” which was being sued by Great British Bake Off contestants would be cost the same post-departure thanks to the UK-Japan trade deal, which ignores the fact that most soy sauce is imported from China - also that paying zero tariffs on £100k of stilton being exported to a country with high lactose intolerance while Nissa, Toyota et al face no tariffs when importing tens of millions of pounds of cars a year is not what anyone should be calling a victory...unless they work for Nissan, Toyota et al, anyway

Convicted criminal Darren Grimes learned that there’s such a thing as “responsibility” when he learned that the police were investigating his interview with David Starkey for incitement of hatred, which could have easily been avoided if he was in any way competent or if he admitted he isn't a journalist - and of course, the usual voices of Toby Young, Laurence Fox and Julia Halfwit Hartley-Brewer all came running to his defence...and shut up when they were informed this ruling was introduced by Thatcher

Somebody should have explained to WWE that, when their move to ban their employees independent contractors from third party platforms such as Twitch already cast a remarkably negative light on their shady employment practices, they should ramp it up by demanding their employees independent contractors hand over those third party platforms and then out of the goodness of their hearts WWE would hand them a percentage of those earnings

As if Steve Baker describing himself as “the hard man of Britait” isn’t reason enough to include him, his demanding that the Church of England be disestablished if it doesn’t fall in line with their No Deal death cult certainly is

It has to be asked why Ross Clark saw Jacinda Ardern winning a a record mandate in the New Zealand elections so decided it was in his interests to write a Telegraph article claiming her Covid has been a disaster...you know, a country which currently has 0 cases and a total of 25 deaths since February. It’s almost as if the thought of a left-leaning leader who hasn’t had a disastrous response to Covid being rewarded by the electorate has Clark worried for some reason...

Professional victim Laurence Fox has identified the biggest problem in modern society: Sainsburys supporting Black History Month. Of course, it definitely wouldn’t be something like Laurence Fox calling anyone who disagrees with him a paedophile, that’s all part of a healthy society...

The latest idea of Tim Davie to make sure that BBC newsreaders remain compliant drones was to bring in a set of rules saying they are never allowed to state an opinion ever (no doubt aimed at Emily Maitlis, who did) and to ban that favourite buzzphrase of the right, any form of “virtue signalling” no matter how worthy the cause...except for wearing poppies, that’s still allowed, in spite being a clear example of this “virtue signalling” that Davie is banning

Complete and utter nutcase Dan Wootton is dangerous as well. That’s both the entry, and also a quote from Labour MP Chris Bryant in response to him banging on about herd immunity as if he's an expert and not The Sun’s showbiz bottom feeder who has been elevated for no logical reason

Once again Laura Kuenssberg is quoting anonymous “sources” critical of the Opposition - meaning she’s either not a very good journalist as she can’t even name her source, or she doesn’t have a source so she's a liar. Has anyone else noticed this is a regular occurrence with Kuenssberg yet?

How thoughtful of Manchester United and Liverpool to pitch a wonderful idea that the Premier League be reduced to eighteen teams, while also christening the concept with the definitely not Orwellian moniker of Project Big Picture under the guise of helping the Football League and not, say, easing their fixture lists by four league games per season. Of course, they’re volunteering to give up their Premier League places, aren’t they?

Once again Isabel Oakeshott just had to be on the wrong side of a story, this time howling in outrage that an anti-lockdown petition with 15,000 signatures is being ignored - signatures including Harold Shipman, Bernard Castle, Dominic Cummings of Bernard Castle, Dr Johnny Bananas, Dr Person Fakename, and last but by no means least, Dr Corona McCoronaface...

Former wrestler Joey Ryan is dealing with his wrestling career being over due to a wealth of allegations of him being a sexual abuser in the most healthy manner possible, namely filing lawsuits against literally anyone he can blame, be it the accusers, his former employers, or random people who call him out via social media

So far it appears Shaun Bailey is planning on winning the London Mayoral election with batshit promises to allow corporations to sponsor London Underground stations and change the names appropriately (which won’t be confusing for tourist guides...) and try and say that Sadiq Khan is at fault for fans not being allowed into football stadiums nationwide

Clueless grifter Tim Pool came up with a genius answer when asked why his “centrist” podcast only ever seems to have right-wing guests and that was to claim that his setup couldn’t handle remote interviews - which would make sense if a.) He hadn’t been saying how much money had been poured into his setup, b.) Zoom didn’t exist, and c.) We forget all the times he’s done remote interviews in the past

Your would think that Lars Sullivan would have learned to not potentially jeopardise WWE’s efforts to promote him after a combination of injury and also not mentioning him for months due to being a creepy bastard online, but no, as soon as he returned to TV he was being a creepy bastard to a yoga instructor - while using his official WWE Instagram account to be a creepy bastard

Not only did Alex Hutchison open himself up for criticism by outright stating that Twitch streamers can count themselves lucky that they don’t have to pay licensing fees to stream games and their careers would be over if they did, he also opened himself up for ridicule when his aforementioned idiotic statement led to Google seeing his Twitter bio and telling him that, no, he was not a lead designer for Stadia and needed to change that shit PDQ

Once again Arsenal showed their lack of understanding of juxtaposition, with them announcing their longtime mascot was being let go for cost-cutting measures - and then a few hours later announcing they’d signed a player with a £200k a week wage

Some faultless logic from Apple regarding the the iPhone 12: the box won’t include a charger or earbuds to reduce packaging...yet it cost the same as if it did, while also meaning people have to buy chargers and earbuds separately that requires far more packaging

To nobody’s surprise it’s clear that Kim Kardashian does need it explained to her that saying how haaaaaaaaaaaaaard it is to spend two weeks being screened and self-isolating so you can go to the private island for your birthday is galling most of the time, but outright disgusting during a global pandemic

Oh dear, it looks like Eric Trump tried being clever again asking how Joe Biden owns a house that’s worth $4m on his senator’s salary of $174k...only to be told that Biden bought the house for $185k, sold it in 1996, pays more than $750 in taxes and loves his son

And finally, testing positive for Covid, is Donald Trump - but he assures us that he is fine and definitely not a contamination risk having been pumped full of steroids and aborted foetus cells which are available to so many people, and definitely didn’t need a better Twitter password

#dickheads of the month

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bltngames · 5 years

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Rant: The Nightmare of Steam Input

It’s hardly a surprise these days that something built by Valve Software is maybe not the most solid, well-thought-out decision anyone’s ever had. When it comes to Steam, it can sometimes feel like a cobbled together set of half-finished features. Remember Steam Music, when they were going to implement a way to listen to custom music during gameplay? Remember when they used to sell movies? Or what the “Steam Machines” initiative, when Valve was going to partner with different hardware manufacturers to sell pre-built PCs, likely in a move that was meant to mimic to how Google handles their Android phones?

And then there’s the Steam Controller, built on the back of the “Steam Input” API. Though the controller floundred, Steam Input ended up being far more interesting. The theory: plug any controller in to Steam and it just works. Does the game ask for an Xbox controller, even though you aren't using one? Steam Input will take care of that. Does the game not even support controllers at all? Steam Input can make that work, too. And for games that interface with the Steam Input technology directly, a whole host of new and exciting features get made available, like binding specific actions to a Playstation 4 controller’s touchpad, or a Nintendo controller’s motion control.

On paper, it sounds great. But like a growing number of ideas out of Valve, in practice, it’s been kind of a nightmare.

The most recent example of this has been the launch of No Man’s Sky BEYOND, billed as one of the biggest content updates that game has ever seen. Previous PC builds of No Man’s Sky relied on basic, functional Xbox controller support. It operated very similar to the original Playstation-4-exclusive console game, but now on an Xbox controller. If you used anything besides an Xbox controller on PC, Steam Input’s base function would kick in, which in my case meant my Playstation Dualshock 4 controller would be seen as (and function identically to) an Xbox controller with zero fuss. It worked flawlessly.

With the release of BEYOND, No Man’s Sky has transitioned into using Steam Input to its fullest extent. No longer does it pretend you’ve got an Xbox controller connected, it now attempts to support the features of your controller directly. In theory, this should mean far better and more robust controller support!

Except that, as of this writing, it doesn’t work. It doesn’t work for Playstation controllers, it barely works for Xbox controllers, and it even seems to have mucked up keyboard support for some. Thanks to Steam Input, the game is now more or less unplayable in many different configurations.

In my personal experience, this manifests itself by only some of my Dualshock 4 buttons working, and only working some of the time. The power of Steam Input means developers can insert hooks to completely remap all your controller buttons depending on the context. So, for example, let’s say you’re playing a game like Grand Theft Auto. If that game supports Steam Input, the developer could set it up so you could change your entire button layout depending on whether you were walking around or driving a car. They could even set it up so you could have different buttons depending on whether you were driving a car, motorcycle, boat or airplane.

This is what No Man’s Sky now does, with half a dozen different contextual button layouts for flying your ship, exploring on foot, using certain weapons, organizing inventory, dealing with merchants, and more. While cool in theory, it’s a little overwhelming to actually consider customizing your controls. You must now dig deep and decipher what button you want to change in which context, and that’s assuming everything is working as intended.

In practice, this currently means some controller functionality only works when certain menus are visible. For example, I can only aim with the right stick while the build menu is up. Close that screen and my view instantly freezes. As I said earlier, it’s more or less unplayable.

To a certain degree I forgive the developers of No Man’s Sky (Hello Games) for this. Signs do point to something changing behind the scenes within Steam Input recently. Other, older games have been silently breaking in the last few weeks. The 2012 PC port of Sonic Adventure 2 suddenly asked me to reboot the game after informing me that my controller type had changed, and I had to remap all of my inputs in Gas Guzzlers Extreme after it, too, detected a change in Steam Input’s Xbox controller support (all its buttons had to be rebound to a “new controller” after the “old one” stopped working, despite no hardware change on my end).

It’s possible that a version of No Man’s Sky from a week or two ago worked fine with Steam Input, and now a change on Valve’s end of things has thrown everything into disarray. It's equally likely a patch will fix things up sooner rather than later (maybe even by the time this post goes up).

That excuse does not apply to a game like American Truck Simulator, however. It’s a story similar to No Man’s Sky, except while I expect No Man’s Sky is trying to use Steam Input to approximate the original controller setup (just with more depth to what buttons you remap), American Truck Simulator inexplicably did the opposite of that.

The game launched with Xbox controller support, meaning you could effectively use any controller with the game via Steam Input’s basic functionality. Sometime around the end of 2018 that changed, with SCS Software ditching Xbox support in favor of direct Steam Input support. But it’s how they did this that ended up so baffling.

Instead of updating their controller support to use Steam Input, they seemingly stripped all controller support from the game entirely, busting American Truck Simulator back down to basic keyboard controls. Then, using Steam Input, they created a custom controller configuration that translated to those keyboard keys to controller buttons. In other words, let's say the "F" key on your keyboard handles turning on your headlights. Using Steam Input, SCS Software made it so hitting the controller's X button would activate the F key on the keyboard, thus toggling the headlights. In theory, this is great, because you can use both the keyboard and the controller at the same time without changing any settings.

But it also meant that when I put down American Truck Simulator mid-2017, how the game controlled changed (relatively) overnight. Booting it back up a year later, all my buttons did something completely different through no fault of my own, and it took a lot of detective work to figure out why. I had to spend more than an hour untangling this new mess and putting everything back the way I originally had it. By the time I was done, I was too fed up to actually play American Truck Simulator.

Next, let’s talk about the exciting new features afforded by Steam Input. Though fully-featured official drivers for Playstation and Nintendo controllers are hard to come by on the PC, Steam Input enables features like the Dualshock 4’s gyroscope, allowing developers to make games with motion control in ways that would have been impossible. A whole new era of innovative uses of tilting your controller could begin!

Has anyone done anything like that? Nope, not really. Unless you count VR, but that's mostly with VR-specific controllers.

Instead, we get developers going rogue, implementing gyroscope functionality where none existed. Take Ubisoft’s Grow Home. Developed as a tech demo for a procedural climbing system, Ubisoft spun Grow Home off into a sort of big-budget indie game. You play as a charming red robot named B.U.D. as he ascends his way up a gigantic alien tree. At the very top of the tree sits his spaceship, and his central computer, M.O.M.

Grow Home uses Steam Input and plugs in to the Dualshock 4’s gyroscope, nauseatingly giving you the ability to control the game’s camera by tilting your controller. It doesn’t tell you this, you just start the game with B.U.D. staring at the floor, gently twitching from your slightest movement. What makes this crazy is the fact that if you were to play Grow Home on an actual Playstation 4 console, this gyroscope camera feature is not present. Same controller, same game, but for some reason Ubisoft secretly gave the PC version gyroscope features thanks to Steam Input.

The exact same thing happened with Croteam’s The Talos Principle. Here’s a first-person puzzle game about redirecting laser beams to unlock doors, available on just about every platform that will take it. On a Playstation 4 console, it controls like any other standard first-person shooter -- left stick moves, right stick aims. Connect your Playstation 4 Dualshock to your PC and play The Talos Principle on Steam, and suddenly you have all-new gyroscope aiming for no logical reason, necessitating a dive into the game’s settings so it can be turned off.

This could perhaps be explained by the environment Valve has cultivated on Steam. On a console, there’s a laborious, and sometimes even expensive “certification” process games must go through to release. Additional rounds of certification is required to issue updates and patches. Usually, platform holders require games to meet certain standards of functionality as to avoid driving away potential customers and spoiling the marketplace for everyone else.

On Steam, that all gets thrown out the window. For a small, one-time submission fee, anyone can publish (almost) anything on Steam and update it instantly, for free, forever. Any whim you have can be instantly realized for zero cost other than the time it takes to implement. New gyroscope controls? Sure, why not! Who’s going to tell you no? Definitely not Valve, that’s for sure.

This lead to the worst of all worlds. I suffer from occasional flare-ups of carpal tunnel syndrome thanks to art-related pursuits. One night a few months ago I found myself with enough discomfort in my hand that I tried playing Valve’s own Left 4 Dead 2 with a controller. Besides launching on PC, Left 4 Dead 2 had console ports on the Xbox 360 and Playstation 3. As such, the PC version originally received standard Xbox controller support. And more than once, I’d fallen back on playing L4D2 with a controller for any number of reasons. It wasn’t as accurate as using a keyboard and mouse, but in a pinch it was convenient, functional and comfortable.

Booting up Left 4 Dead 2 in 2019 and grabbing my controller, just like with American Truck Simulator, I was met with a top-to-bottom control system rewrite made to accommodate Valve ditching Xbox support and replacing it with Steam Input. This meant that none of my buttons were the same anymore.

And, just like with Grow Home and The Talos Principle, suddenly Left 4 Dead 2 also had completely unnecessary (and frankly, hyper-sensitive) gyroscope aiming bolted on over the top, even though I didn’t need or want it. It was like I stepped on to an alien planet.

Worse yet, this new Steam Input configuration was actually a step back from the previous Xbox controller config.

Left 4 Dead 2 was old enough that it was an early game to feature emotes on a radial wheel chosen using the analog stick. This made it easy to communicate with teammates even if you didn’t have a headset for voice chat. To some degree, it was made specifically for a controller. In Valve’s new, official Steam Input controller config for L4D2, the option to show these chat shortcuts was removed entirely. So not only were all my buttons different, but some old functionality was now gone. Why? Why not, said Valve. After all, nobody is going to stop them.

To butcher a quote from Jurassic Park’s Ian Malcolm, just because you could, doesn’t mean you should.

The solution to this is the same solution Valve has for everything they do nowadays. Steam Input is not a closed system. You can, if you so choose, connect to an online database where users share their own custom controller configurations. In Valve's eyes, the “Free Market” solves all problems, even problems Valve makes for themselves.

Assuming your needs match the free market, anyway. You may spend just as long browsing and testing other people’s Steam Input configs as it would take you to dig into the settings and fix it yourself. Either way, it’s an unwanted distraction.

The greatest benefit of Microsoft standardizing PC game controllers via the Xbox 360 was that you simply plugged in the controller and it worked. No mapping buttons, no detecting analog stick ranges, no fiddling with any of the options menus. The game in question simply said, “I know what this is!” and you were ready to go. The only problem with that was it only applied to Xbox controllers, a problem Steam originally solved. Thanks to Steam, every controller was functionally an Xbox controller!

But as is increasingly the case, Valve’s aspirations to be more than simply a library of PC games outstripped their ability to control the quality of the input or output. They fixed a very important problem, but were so determined to prove their own intelligence that we've landed right back where we started: forever tinkering with options menus when we could just be playing video games like we wanted.

#steam #valve #no man's sky #the talos principal #hello games #croteam #writing #long #left 4 dead #xbox #controller #switch #nintendo #gamepad #playstation #dualshock #feature

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tentoriwrites · 6 years

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Ranmaru’s Adventure in Babysitting

What happens when Tentori binges movies from her childhood? A weird combo of Adventures in Babysitting and Stand by Me featuring Yahiko, Hotaru, and Ranmaru! If someone has commissions open, I totally need a picture of these three acting like 1960s greasers with weapons kids would have. Like Yahiko dual wielding brooms, Ranmaru with a slingshot... I need this in my life.

When Nobunaga orders Ranmaru to entertain Yahiko while everyone else is out, the duo embarks in shenanigans. Along the way they pick up an unlikely comrade.

He was from a samurai family and that had served him quite well in life up to this point. Being from a samurai family had secured him a place in Kiyosu under the Oda family, after all. Granted, that had been more a display of his family’s fealty than anything. Still, it had afforded him the opportunity to learn a great many things. Despite being considerably younger than many of the samurai around him, he had come to excel at handling difficult daimyo and repugnant retainers. None more so than his liege lord, one Oda Nobunaga.

None of it had prepared him for the task he had just been given.

Back straight as the face of a sword, struck frozen like a body caught in a harsh northern winter he stared down the being before him. The longer they sat staring at each other in silence, the more his sheer ineptitude for the task ate away at him. Luckily, the one across the table spoke first.

“what’s your name, kid?” Ranmaru looked at him completely dumfounded for a moment.

“Kid?” His head tilted to one side all on its own.

“Yeah. You aren’t that much older than me, are you?” There was no malice in the question putting Ranmaru a bit more at ease.

“No, I suppose I am not…” He straightened his head again and put on a serious face. “My name is Mori Ranmaru. You are Yahiko I presume?”

“Geez lighten up!” Yahiko reached across the table and gave Ranmaru a playful smack on the arm. “You know what you need? You need a festival and there just so happens to be one in town!” Ranmaru knew where this was going and immediately started to frown.

“No. I am quite sure it would be best if we stayed right here. Milord Nobunaga made it clear I was to entertain you and I think that would be best served right here.” He rubbed the top of the table emphasize his point.

“There is nothing entertaining to do right here.” Yahiko, undeterred, tapped the table with one finger to emphasize his.

“I brought a shogi and go sets. Perhaps I could teach you how to play one of them? Milord Nobunaga is fond of them.” He tried to lure Yahiko in with something of interest to the man Yahiko clearly idolized.

“Something Nobu likes to play?” Ranmaru smiled pleasantly to hid the instinctive twitch years of service had ingrained in him. In light of Yahiko’s pique interest he started mentally preparing his lesson. “Sure maybe a quick game wouldn’t be bad.

“Oh these are hardly quick games to play. I believe even a beginner like you could easily last a few hours…”

“A few hours for a beginner game?! How long would a game between experts last?!” Yahiko cut him off with a surprised outburst that threw him off.

“Well last time lord Nobunaga played lord Ieyasu it lasted all day. We had to have an intermission for lunch.” Yahiko gaped at him like he had grown an extra head before his young eyes.

“PASS! I’m way too young to waste hours on a single game!” With that he slapped his hands on the table and leaned in closer to Ranmaru, scrutinizing him.

“Y… yes? Is there perhaps something on my face?” He gently touched his hands to his cheeks.

“You can’t possibly tell me you have one night away from being samurai and you want to wallow it away in here playing a single game all night when we could be out there playing a bunch of games and eating until we’re sick.” Ranmaru had to admit, Yahiko was quite the imposing figure when he wanted to be. Ranmaru supposed it must run in the family, afterall, his sister married lord Nobunaga. After a great deal more cajoling and a little bit of begging, Ranmaru finally caved in.

"Very well. We’ll go to the festival. But only for a little while! Milord Nobunaga entrusted me with your safety!" Ranmaru put on the sternest face he could muster in an attempt to assert his dominance over the situation. Yahiko for his part failed miserably to stifle a laugh.

"Is everyone in castles this stuffy?" He jumped to his feet and checked he had some coins on him.

"Well I would not call it stuffy exact... wah!" Before Ranmaru could finish, Yahiko was taking him out the door.

Yahiko led him through the streets of Kyoto with the ease of a local all while the samurai tried to make mental note of their course. In short order they had reached a street adjacent to the festivities. However, Yahiko seemed to stop for no reason.

"Is something the matter?"

"It is him!" Yahiko ran up to a man with a head full of oddly silver hair. "Hey Master Yugiri! I didn't think I'd ever see you at a festival!" When he didn't receive a response, Yahiko gave him a tap on the shoulder. However, his whole body stiffened and he took a quick step back when the man turned around. This immediately put Ranmaru on edge.

"Sorry! You look like the owner of this restaurant I know." Yahiko quickly explained but the young man had a confused look on his face. He took out some writing materials and scribbled something down.

"Someone who looks like me at a restaurant?" The paper read.

"Yeah. Are you related?" Yahiko perked up after seeing this. Ranmaru was still very much on edge.

"Older brother." Again, written on the paper.

"Well that explains the resemblance! Did you come here together?" The young man shook his head no again.

"Were you looking for him?"

"Yes. But I got lost." Still on the paper.

"I can take you to his restaurant. But since you're here you might as well enjoy the festival!" Yahiko proceeded to hook an arm through Hotaru's and start to wander off.

"That is a terrible idea! You don't even know this person! You don't even know his name!" Ranmaru vehemently objected as he chased after them. "Do you not think it strange he writes everything?"

"Rude!" Yahiko sniped back. "But I guess I was being rude too! My name's Yahiko and this is Ranmaru."

"Don't give him our real names..." Ranmaru hiss in his ear but Yahiko just sailed on like a leaf on the wind.

"What's your name?" The young man pointed to a flower with a firefly blinking idly on it.

"Hana? Well ok then! Nice to meet you." The young man shook his head no.

"Not Hana. Oh! Hotaru! Got it! Sorry!" Yahiko flashed Hotaru an apologetic grin. Meanwhile, Ranmaru trailed behind them fretting the whole time.

Yahiko led them over to all the games. Something about the way his eyes lit up made Ranmaru smile. Although, it pained him a little that he didn't know how to play most of the games there. Certainly, he had been to a festival or two, but typically as a page, rarely for fun. At least he wasn’t alone in this. Hotaru didn’t seem to know how to play any of the games.

“Wow you’re both really bad at this!” Yahiko teased as he watched Ranmaru fail to get the black goldfish he’d been eying for the third time before his paper gave out. He sighed in defeat and slumped back on his haunches.

“He would make a stunning addition to the koi pond at Azuchi given proper time to grow.” Ranmaru sighed wistfully. Hotaru, who had simply been watching up to this point, in one smooth motion snapped up the fish. Ranmaru pouted, cheeks puffing slightly as he looked away.

“Wow that’s amazing Hotaru! You’re really good at this!” Hotaru tilted his head quizzically before sticking it directly in front of Ranmaru’s. It was far too close for the samurai’s comfort. He was about to back away when Hotaru offered him the vessel with the fish in it.

“For Ranmaru!” He positively beamed as he held the vessel with both hands.

“For… me?” The gesture threw him off his suspicions for just a moment. He coughed a stood up straight. “I appreciate the gesture, though I cannot accept your gift.” With that he turned on his heel. “If we are to play more than one game, we should be on our way.” He couldn’t see how dejected Hotaru looked as he turned and put the goldfish back in the barrel.

The next game they played was an archery game. Still pouting for being shown up by someone he was so sure was his mortal enemy, Ranmaru watched Yahiko struggle. Hotaru appeared to be ready to step in and win something for Yahiko when Ranmaru interjected didactically.

“Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish he eats for a lifetime.” With that, Ranmaru instructed Yahiko how to correctly hold the bow and how to shoot it. Despite that, He didn’t to be able to hit the toy he wanted hard enough. “Peculiar…” Ranmaru had a hunch about that. While the merchant was busy, he wander around to the back of the stall and saw that all the objects were affixed to the platform they sat on. Seeing the game was rigged, he wandered over to another stall with a much higher win rate. Finding the same sort of trinket Yahiko was after. Ranmaru, just as obstinate to prove a point as his lord wandered back over to Yahiko.

“Clearly there is an issue here. Mayhaps it is the bow?”

“I’ll assure you, the bows are fine.” The stall’s proprietor went on boastfully.

“As the page of the esteemed Lord Oda Nobunaga, I am quite aware of a good bow when I see one.” Ranmaru casually name dropped as he gave the proprietor a sideways glance. He sized up his target across the road.

“Oda… Nobunaga… you say?” The proprietor seemed shaken at mention of the name, but just for a moment. “Surely you jest.”

“Hotaru, Yahiko kindly clear the road.” The sharp gaze in Ranmaru’s eyes sent them scampering to clear a path between the two stalls. “We shall test the bow and arrows in one stroke. If that is not the issue, surely the fault must lie in the targets, would you not agree?” Ranmaru’s smile was thoroughly unsettling given the sharpness of his tone.

“You… you’ll find no fault in my game!” Ranmaru loosed his arrow and sent the trinket in the far stall toppling over. Without missing a beat he turned and aimed for the trinket Yahiko had been after and hit it point blank square center and it didn’t so much as wobble. “It’s is hardly a game of skill if the game is rigger, would you not agree?”

“Wow! That was really cool!” Yahiko ran up and practically threw him into the dirt when he wrapped an arm around the samurai’s neck.

“That was nothing compared to what I must do as part of my regular training. Surely, if I cannot debunk a scheme so obvious as his, I am not fit to serve milord.” Yahiko groaned before giving Ranmaru a nuggie so hard his hair came undone.

“Just accept the fact you’re cool on your own, would ya?”

“Me? Cool?” Ranmaru let to word roll around in his mouth like a draught of cool water on a hot day. “You really think so?”

“Yeah! You and Hotaru are both really cool!”

“Me too?” Hotaru tilted his head to the side.

“Whoa! Hotaru talks!” Yahiko started laughing.

“I like being like Ranmaru!” Hotaru beamed a thrilled smile. For the first time all night, Ranmaru seemed to be softening up. From then on, they made merry with much more abandon. Though Ranmaru not being able to keep his hair out of his face did cause trouble for him eating.

The evening was getting on to night when Ranmaru froze solid in the middle of the crowded street.

“Is that Nobu, my Mom and sister?”

“Yes.” A mouse’s squeak at best.

"Oh crap! If he sees us, you’re dead! Run!" Yahiko grabbed them both by a sleeve and started pulling them out of the crowd and into a less crowded alley. Although he was able to keep hold of Hotaru, Ranmaru got lost somewhere along the way. Agreeing to leave no man behind, the duo went looking for Ranmaru.

A scuffle in an adjacent alley drew them to it. There, surrounded by a group of drunks was Ranmaru.

“I assure you I am most definitely NOT a woman.”

“Awe come on… with locks like that…” He had disabled a few but there were clearly more than he could handle. Yahiko set his jaw, grabbed a broom and starts beating the nearest guy to him. That was not a wise decision. The man spun around and shoved Yahiko away as easily as one would bat a fly. Hotaru looked between his two new comrades clearly torn on what he should do. As one of the thugs reared up his foot to kick Yahiko while he was down, a booming voice resonated of the nearby walls.

“Sleep!” Everyone in the alley but Hotaru fell asleep immediately. When Ranmaru and Yahiko woke up, they were back at the outskirts of the festival.

"What happened?"

"Ran away."

"They did or you did?"

"I did."

"No shame in retreating from a battle you can't win!" Ranmaru nodded sagely. “Thank you for coming to get me.”

“Of course! You wouldn’t have gotten in troubleif I hadn’t made you bring me to the festival.” Yahiko was genuinely apologetic.

“Yes… But then we would not have met our new friend Hotaru.” Hotaru perked up at this comment.

“Are we… friends?” He looked hopefully between the other two.

“Of course!”

“I believe that goes without saying.”

"We should get out of here before we get in any more trouble." Yahiko stretched as he got to his feet.

"Agreed." Yahiko took Hotaru to Yugiri and took the blame for him being late. Master Yugiri didn’t seem to upset about it. Before they left Hotaru stopped Ranmaru and handed him a bowl with a lid. When Ranmaru lifted the lid, his little favored fish was swimming happily inside.

“When did you…” He took a deep breath to banish his suspicions. “I will treasure this gift. Thank you.” As Ranmaru offered a deep bow, Master Yugiri ushered Hotaru inside.

When Nobunaga and company get back to the restaurant they found Ranmaru and Yahiko passed out over a barely started game of "go." This was not enough to banish lord Oda’s suspicions though. The next morning he grilled Ranmaru about what they did all as soon as his page showed his face. Ranmaru was about to crack when Yahiko butt in.

"He's not nearly as good at some things as you are, Nobu. But he's a great teacher! He was teaching me his to play "go!" Let me show you what I learned!"

"A challenge is it? I won't go easy on you just because you're a novice."

"You might be surprised how good I am!" The pair headed upstairs going back forth. As soon as they were gone Ranmaru deflated with a sigh. The woman, who insisted everyone call he Mother, sidled up next to him with a broad smile and a steaming hot breakfast.

"Yahiko conned you into going up the festival, didn't he?"

"Please don't tell milord Nobunaga!" Mother gave him a knowing wink and walked away.

Back at the castle several weeks have gone by and Ranmaru is acting increasingly maudlin. Nobunage, tried of his depressed sighs, called him out in the main hall at breakfast one day.

“Playing the older brother was a refreshing change is all. I may miss it just a tad, milord.”

"Want to play the older brother, is it?" With a mischievous smirk all of them knew too well, Nobunaga grabbed his new bride into his lap. "I suppose we’ll just have to try harder to see that happen, now won't we?"

“LORD NOBUNAGA!”

#slbp #slbp ranmaru #slbp yahiko #slbp hotaru #fluff #fanfic #fanfiction

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adamcwade33 · 4 years

Text

Beginner Live Streaming Tips

Getting Started With Live Streaming

It’s more common than ever to hear live stream presenters say they are live on Facebook and Youtube, or other platforms. So, is there a benefit to numerous channel broadcasts? If there is, how can you do it too and go survive on numerous platforms at the same time? Before we discuss the benefits of live streaming on numerous platforms, let’s discuss what that looks like.

An example would be to go reside on Facebook and YouTube at once. Or to live stream on Twitch and Vimeo or any other platform that you can discover an audience. One of the main reasons for relaying on numerous channels simultaneously is to boost your online reach. Marketers and content creators have observed that most live video viewers tend to view the streams on their phones.

When on mobile, users tend to pick their favored platforms. Unfortunately, if you happen to have a following on numerous channels, this may pose a challenge. It’s true, the possibilities of increasing audience reach is possible, in the past you’d have to “go live” on each channel individually. Obviously this results in a massive amount fo time required to properly promote your live stream.

With Exporexi, you can go live on multiple platforms at once, syndicate your content to several channels, and have a branded asset that gives you an edge on the competition.

Make Money With Video Can Be Fun For Everyone

The Facts About Video Monetization Revealed

The Greatest Guide To Live Streaming Tips

The Greatest Guide To Make Money With Video

Live Streaming Tips

Make Money With Video Fundamentals Explained

Video Monetization Tips

The Main Principles Of How To Make Money Using Live Streaming

The Best Strategy To Use For Video Monetization

It’s no secret that video is the best medium for content promotion.

The advantages to live streaming on Facebook are limitless, and YouTube Live likewise has great deals of great features, as do other platforms such as Twitch, YouNow, Livestream and so on. When you do a multi-channel broadcast, you can reach a much larger audience while harnessing the very best characteristics of each platform, whether it’s paid or totally free.

On Exporexi, you can choose to broadcast to Facebook, YouTube, Twitch on any custom-made RTMP server. When you consider streaming to multiple channels at the same time, it is very important to check your setup initially. Numerous broadcasts require more power from your hardware and can become glitchy if your devices isn’t up to par.

For example, Facebook allows you to live stream in personal, and many platforms have a similar setting. After your test stream, you can see the replay and evaluate how it went. When you have whatever set up, and you are all set to do your numerous channel broadcast, you can merely flip the switch on Exporexi and, in a couple of seconds, you’ll be live.

multi-casting video

Simple Techniques For Making Money Using Live Streaming

If your live streaming setup can handle it, multiple-channel broadcasts are a creative way to increase your online reach and exposure while benefiting from each live stream platform. When you are live on more than one channel at the same time, it’s much more practical for your audience to discover you and enjoy your stream.

Live streaming videos are an incredible tool to grow your online presence and expand your audience, however its technicalities can be intimidating. Many things can fail throughout a live video, such as quality issues, lagging, devices breakdown, sound problems, and the list goes on .

Over the past ten years, live streaming has actually evolved from being special to being common. Social media platforms like Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, and Snapchat have actually commoditized live streaming by leveraging their own exclusive technology directing in their apps. And with great reason live video consumption leapt 65% in 2018.

Making Money With Video On Demand

If you’re interested in making money with on-demand video then “simulcasting,” or streaming to several channels from one platform, is the finest method to broaden your reach and bring new viewers to your material. And due to the fact that it works with your existing workflows, simulcasting requires less bandwidth from your network compared to streaming to each platform independently in the cloud. What’s not to like? The Vimeo group has been hard at work developing more ways to flawlessly bring live video to your audience.

Users can stream to Vimeo and a variety of other platforms at the exact same time approximately 5 at the same time! through our longstanding native combination with Facebook and now LinkedIn, too. With Vimeo’s native combination to LinkedIn, you can now live stream to its 645 million members and 30 million companies with one click of a button – vod streaming.

We’re likewise pleased to report that Facebook lifted its restriction on live streaming just to its platform. Formerly, users could only stream to Facebook exclusively. Now, streaming to numerous destinations on significant social networks is simpler than ever. Simulcasting on Vimeo doesn’t stop there. You can also connect to YouTube in one click, or expand your reach much more by means of a custom RTMP location like Twitch and Periscope.

A Video Monetization That Nobody is Discussing

What’s more, Vimeo Business’s unique user-specific analytics reveals you who is enjoying your live stream, in addition to where on the planet they’re tuning in, and on what gadget. Vimeo’s auto-archiving and on-demand functionality make sure the first-rate version of your stream will be available to download after your live event has ended.

Exporexi , the most recent version of our switching and encoding live streaming software application, presented earlier in 2019, and with it, some amazing brand-new additions, including: Color correction to combine your shots’ RGB, brightness, saturation, contrast, and more A variety of filters in our audio mixer New transitions include dip-to-color fades and stinger animations Updated input settings to much better manage your multi-camera setup You can read more about the newest additions to Exporexi here.

We’re really pumped about all the ways developers can now disperse their live material even more and more effectively. Using broader reach, less bandwidth, and more engagement these glossy new additions to your streaming toolkit will certainly produce a lot more awesome live occasions.

9 Simple Techniques For Live Streaming

Our newest Simulcast functions make streaming to several channels from your Livestream account much easier than ever. Simulcasting expands your livestream audience and permits you to reach audiences where they currently are, while streamlining your encoding workflow and monitoring your analytics from a single dashboard. We have actually included some amazing brand-new functions to Simulcast that are now offered: We’ve included assistance for Simulcasting to numerous Facebook pages for customers who keep existences throughout numerous pages or are seeking to extend their content syndication even further through publisher collaborations.

Visit our aid center post to get more information. Now you can provide viewers a “sneak preview” of your live content on social and direct audiences back to enjoy on your own website and apps. This enhancement unlocks the capability to go live to any destination at a specific minute or end your stream at any minute without affecting your Livestream archived recording.

Brands like and ToughMudder have actually embraced similar strategies to drive viewership and traffic back to their websites from social channels. This performance likewise lets you test your stream as a Draft occasion, publishing at the right minute you’re prepared for audiences to view on Livestream and other social channels. Facebook live video.

Video Monetization Basics You Should Know

Streamline your live video workflow. This cannot be overstated; your Livestream occasions dashboard now includes a “streaming to” section. This allows you to confirm at a glimpse that your events are streaming to the proper location and access your event-level Simulcast settings with one click. Visit your control panel to see the updates.

The Video Show is a must-attend occasion for everyone working in video content production, from independent filmmakers to documentarians, AV pros, journalists, educators, event manufacturers, and media lovers.

The 8-Minute Rule for Video Monetization

Did you know there are benefits to making your videos at least 8-minutes in length?

According to TubeFilter:

Right now, only videos longer than 10 minutes are eligible for mid-rolls, which appear in the midst of videos as a commercial break of sorts. But beginning later this month, YouTube is changing that minimum threshold to eight-minute videos… As part of the transition, YouTube says it is also turning on mid-roll ads by default for all eligible videos when the change goes live. This means that creators who have previously opted out of mid-roll ads will be opted back in (though there are ways to opt back out again), and any future uploads from monetizing channels will have mid-roll ads turned on by default. “Turning on auto mid-roll ads saves creators extra work while helping increase the monetization potential for new and existing content,” YouTube explained in its note to creators.

https://www.tubefilter.com/2020/07/07/youtube-lowering-minimum-video-length-mid-roll-ads/

The UC9020 offers users a simple, all-in-one TV-quality livestreaming option that incorporates dual-source 1080p video capture, 4K preview output, video switch, 1080p@60 stream broadcaster, video converter, video splitter and audio mixer in one compact box. Additionally, the ATEN OnAir App turns an iPad into a touch interface for controlling, sneak peek monitoring, real-time modifying and setting up multi-elements into program mixing.” Whether you wish to be a YouTuber or livestream your video gaming, conference or church occasion, the UC9020 enables users to produce online content and livestream at the pro level (subscription video on demand).

Secret functions: Simplifies streaming workflow integrates 1080p video capture, video switch, streaming encoder, video converter, video splitter and audio mixer all-in-one. Plug and play no computer system, display or complicated setups or software settings essential. Easy connect integrated encoder and streaming server means users only need to connect to their video sources and network.

from https://exporexi.com/roku-developer/beginner-live-streaming-tips/

from Exporexi - Blog https://exporexi.weebly.com/blog/beginner-live-streaming-tips

0 notes

williebpegg91 · 4 years

Text

Beginner Live Streaming Tips

Getting Started With Live Streaming

With Exporexi, you can go live on multiple platforms at once, syndicate your content to several channels, and have a branded asset that gives you an edge on the competition.

Make Money With Video Can Be Fun For Everyone

The Facts About Video Monetization Revealed

The Greatest Guide To Live Streaming Tips

The Greatest Guide To Make Money With Video

Live Streaming Tips

Make Money With Video Fundamentals Explained

Video Monetization Tips

The Main Principles Of How To Make Money Using Live Streaming

The Best Strategy To Use For Video Monetization

It’s no secret that video is the best medium for content promotion.

multi-casting video

Simple Techniques For Making Money Using Live Streaming

Making Money With Video On Demand

A Video Monetization That Nobody is Discussing

9 Simple Techniques For Live Streaming

Video Monetization Basics You Should Know

The 8-Minute Rule for Video Monetization

Did you know there are benefits to making your videos at least 8-minutes in length?

According to TubeFilter:

https://www.tubefilter.com/2020/07/07/youtube-lowering-minimum-video-length-mid-roll-ads/

from Exporexi https://exporexi.com/roku-developer/beginner-live-streaming-tips/ from Exporexi https://exporexi.tumblr.com/post/624903696924491776

0 notes

exporexi · 4 years

Text

Beginner Live Streaming Tips

Getting Started With Live Streaming

With Exporexi, you can go live on multiple platforms at once, syndicate your content to several channels, and have a branded asset that gives you an edge on the competition.

Make Money With Video Can Be Fun For Everyone

The Facts About Video Monetization Revealed

The Greatest Guide To Live Streaming Tips

The Greatest Guide To Make Money With Video

Live Streaming Tips

Make Money With Video Fundamentals Explained

Video Monetization Tips

The Main Principles Of How To Make Money Using Live Streaming

The Best Strategy To Use For Video Monetization

It’s no secret that video is the best medium for content promotion.

multi-casting video

Simple Techniques For Making Money Using Live Streaming

Making Money With Video On Demand

A Video Monetization That Nobody is Discussing

9 Simple Techniques For Live Streaming

Video Monetization Basics You Should Know

The 8-Minute Rule for Video Monetization

Did you know there are benefits to making your videos at least 8-minutes in length?

According to TubeFilter:

https://www.tubefilter.com/2020/07/07/youtube-lowering-minimum-video-length-mid-roll-ads/

from Exporexi https://exporexi.com/roku-developer/beginner-live-streaming-tips/

0 notes

d2kvirus · 4 years

Text

Dickheads of the Month: November 2020

As it seems that there are people who say or do things that are remarkably dickheaded yet somehow people try to make excuses for them or pretend it never happened, here is a collection of some of the dickheaded actions we saw in the month of November 2020 to make sure that they are never forgotten.

Nobody was expecting Donald Trump to concede defeat gracefully, but bloody hell, between the completely batshit insane conspiracy theory bollocks from himself and the rancid Trump offspring to Rudy Giuliani making complete fools of themselves even before he had to give a press conference from the parking lot of a landscaping firm as nobody checked which Four Seasons it was, before threatening to outlaw Twitter because people made fun of his little table (yes, that sentence does make sense), nobody could have expected just how tempramental toddlers are now thinking it's a bit much

...although somehow the Tory government managed to have an even worse response, because not only did posting a boilerplate jpeg to congratulate Joe Biden for his victory the laziest response possible, but then it turned out that they only had a celebratory jpeg for a Trump victory and hastily edited it on Paint so that Biden’s name was on there, but did a cack-handed job of it even though a.) Common sense dictates you have one for each candidate ready in advance, and b.) Given they had several days to accept which way the wind was blowing, the fact they did the most cack-handed job says everything you need to know

Smirking cretin Priti Patel has bullied Home Office staff and, having initially tried to bury the report, the best the Tory government could come up with to try and make this go away was claim that she was bullying her subordinates by accident while proven liar Boris Johnson claimed she had done nothing wrong, numerous members of the Tory government either said that as they hadn’t seen her bullying anyone she must be innocent or tried claiming she was “accused” of bullying instead of found guilty of bullying, and to top it all off we had Michael Gove’s wife Sarah Vine accused anyone calling Patel of being a bully racist while Alison Pearson said Patel can’t be a bully as she isn’t tall enough. Also, did I mention this came out during national Bullying Week?

...and just a thought for Jess Phillips after she decided to weigh in, considering it’s on record that you bullied Diane Abbott (and have gleefully said how you told her to “Fuck off” on various occasions) it's not a good idea for you to try and act as you’re above bullying as you will get called out for your hypocrisy

Murderer Amanda Knox thought it would be a really funny joke to suggest that, no matter what the election result, the next four years couldn’t be as bad as the four years she spent studying abroad. You know, those four years where she murdered Meredith Kercher and got away with it

So it turns out that the moral compass of the Tory government says that it is fine for Dominic Cummings to be happy to sacrifice the elderly if it protects the economy during a pandemic while displaying that he doesn’t know how herd immunity works, purging 21 MPs from the party for not buying into his No Deal Britait Jonestown, siphoning hundreds of millions of pounds into the pockets of his mates in various dodgy contracts, or flagrantly violating the lockdown rules by driving several hundred miles to Durham (where he owns a house he doesn't pay council tax for) after testing positive for Covid - but as soon as he calls Carrie Symonds “Princess Nut Nuts” he’s out the door...for a staged photo op, even though he is remaining in his job until December, which is when he was going to leave anyway

...and we should mention Laura Kuenssberg bullishly stating that Cummings was going nowhere in the wake of Lee Cain being told he could leave when his contract is up in December but they want to make it look like he is being fired, but within twelve hours saying that Cummings would always be leaving in December as a blog post in January stated, which not only asks if anyone has checked the archived version of that blog in case any edits were made in mid-November, but also how she can justify her £290k a year salary if she can get a story that badly wrong that Cummings’ blog disagreed with her

There’s a reason why Lindsey Graham isn't popular in the Senate and it isn’t because he questions if Biden won the election, it's because he’s telling people to “misplace” the votes for Biden which they are counting so that Trump could claim that he won Georgia instead of losing Georgia, demanding a recount, then losing Georgia

Once again proven liar Boris Johnson demonstrated that lockdown rules apply to the little people but not to him or his inner circle, as he met with fellow Tory MP Lee Anderson in person rather than via Zoom as the lockdown rules state, didn't wear a mask as lockdown rules state, and clearly didn’t social distance as a picture of him with Anderson taken during the meetings shows they are not two metres apart as lockdown rules state, which means that he had to spend two weeks self-isolating as a direct result

Has anyone told Keir Starmer that The Board of Deputies weren’t on the ballot for Labour leadership? Because by his performative act of refusing to restore the party whip to Jeremy Corbyn after his performative suspension, which he did after the BoD stamped their feet and demanded the whip not be restored, he’s not doing a good job of demonstrating leadership

First of all it was news that Steve Bannon uses Twitter, as surely he should have flounced off for Parler years ago. But secondly, the real news is how he used his Twitter account to call for Anthony Fauci to be beheaded - at which point he suddenly couldn’t use his Twitter account anymore

According to Iain Duncan Smith putting the UK into a second lockdown is “giving in to the scientific advisors” as if during a pandemic, which the last time I checked was a scientific matter, you should instead be listening to Julia Halfwit-Brewer, Dan Wootton, Alison Pearson or Isabel Oakeshott rather than people qualified to talk about what to do in the face of a global pandemic

Nice Guy Rishi Sunak proposed a return of Eat Out To Help Out for Christmas. You know, the thing which has been directly linked with causing a spike in Covid numbers in August?

Tory arrogance was neatly summed up by George Eustace casually saying that, if Lurpak didn’t want to incur the massive price hikes of Britain crashing out of the EU without a paddle, all they have to do is move their entire base of operations to the UK

The fact that Disney have been trying to justify their refusal to even issue royalty statements to Alan Dean Foster for his novelisations of the Star Wars and Alien franchises and have simply been pocketing the revenue made by the books continued sales by claiming they only purchased the license and not the liability, which is a particularly unique interpretation of copyright law

It was only a matter of time before The Daily Mail started trying to create dirt about Marcus Rashford because he has the sheer gall to say that feeding children is not a bad thing, which they did by reporting the horrors of him...buying a house for his mother

Twitter troll Ben Bradley had a stellar month, first by standing up in Commons and asking why there isn't a Minister for Women while also showing a terrifying inability to understand what equality is, and soon followed that up by quoting Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream” speech by claiming that it was about equality - only for Bernice King to tell him that, no, her father’s speech was about eliminating racism from our society

I think that it's time for The Daily Express to admit that, when they're running articles saying that it’s Remainers who are to blame for Trump getting dumped onto the street, that maybe they have a problem

The Streisand Effect still hasn’t reached WWE judging by their continuing to double down on demanding their employees independent contractors stop earning money via third-party platforms manifested in their releasing Thea Trinidad from her contract in spite her Twitch account always being under her real name and not her WWE moniker of Zelina Vega

It was a coincidence that the Jewish Labour Movement decided to hold their annual conference on the Palestinian Day of Solidarity. Of course it was...

This month it was Fin Taylor who demonstrated just how far from satire HIGNFY has strayed with his “Bomb Glastonbury and kill all Jeremy Corbyn supporters” joke in response to Joan Bakewell lying about Corbyn breaking the law - and, afterwards, Taylor was generally being a smug twat about it on his Twitter - which also serves to show how Tim Davie is fine with booking comedians whose acts have plenty of questionable content contained within it if it guarantees the Tories escape criticism

This month’s example of Steve Baker making himself a walking punchline with no self-awareness came from him howling that further lockdown measures would be a violation of terms set out by the European Convention on Human Rights - yes, the exact same convention that Baker has a.) Repeatedly accused of meddling with British affairs and is an example of the EU nanny state, and b.) Frowns upon things such as Steve Baker repeatedly voting against allowing child refugees to be reunited with their families

Nothing says “worker happiness” quite like GameStop running a competition for their stores to post Tik Tok dances where the store which is voted the winner receives prizes such as an Amazon Echo, a Visa gift card, and the privilege of working an additional ten hours during the week of Black Friday. Wait, did I say “worker happiness”? I meant to say “Dickensian shithousery” where employees are expected to compete so they can work more hours

Of course the “We’re not racist”s of Twitter had an issue with Sainsburys Christmas ad because it didn’t appeal to white men due to having a black family, in much the same way that Compare the Market’s ads don't appeal to white men as they’re not Russian meerkats

Professional victim Laurence Fox thought it would be a good idea to get into a slanging match with The Pogues while lying that Fairytale of New York would be banned from the airwaves. It went about as well as could be expected

It wouldn’t be Remembrance Day without The Sun or The Daily Mail exploiting it for some obvious ragebait, and this year was no exception with both “papers” posting a photo of Extinction Rebellion posting with a banner in front of the Cenotaph protesting climate change - a photo taken two days earlier, but they held off on posting it until the day itself to get the rage flowing, because they needed something as neither Jeremy Corbyn nor Meghan Markle were within a mile of Whitehall

This month it was Ernest Cline who demonstrated a lack of understanding of the Streisand Effect by ordering DMCA takedowns on anyone who posted an excerpt of Ready Player Two online, which mainly served to help the internet realise which the actual excerpts were and which the parody versions were - because it was pretty hard to tell them apart otherwise...

“I’ve been silenced”, shrieked Suzanne Moore in an interview with the Telegraph, fatally undermining her argument in the process. Funny how the people who have been “silenced” keep doing that, isn’t it?

Because we haven’t heard anything idiotic from Jake Paul in a while, Jake Paul decided to say Covid isn’t real and flu has killed just as many people. So I give it a week before his older brother Logan feels he has to one-up this and say the Holocaust was fake...

And finally, not for much longer, is Donald Trump and his complicity in trying to organise a coup - but not a very good coup, as his minions at Fox News had to exaggerate how many people were actually protesting about him losing an election and crying about it - which was further undermined by his inability to tell Michigan and Minnesota apart

#dickheads of the month

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