#please tell me this isn’t too niche

[garvgoyle]

John Calvin and Miguel O’Hara

[peonyblossom]

Boris Lumé Boulangerie?!?!?!?

[poisonr00t]

pretty odd never fails to remind me of old school littlebigplanet story mode levels.. like

[luumenss]

succession characters in rocky horror picture show: discuss

[hotsingledragon]

clumsy

warnings: 18+ content, smut, dubcon, noncon elements, stuck in a wall, scent kink??, spanking, fingering, p in v, orgasm denial

quaritch gets paired with human scientist reader who is too clumsy for her own good. quaritch is constantly pulling her out of dangerous situations, whether it’s looking too far over a cliff, or swimming too deep into the river, he’s so agitated with how unaware she can be, always wondering how she managed to get in with the RDA when she can be so clueless at times

but he knows she’s smart and capable, she’s interjected in mission briefs, spewing her incredibly niche knowledge of pandora. he’s caught her from the corner of his eye in the gym, knows she can squat twice her weight with no trouble, knows she can pack a punch if needed.

when the two of them are paired on an extended survey in the jungles of pandora, quaritch had no idea what he was getting into.

only four days into their trip, the colonel has expended his limited patience.

they’ve been treading the jungles since 0800, though the shifting sunlight finds it’s now reaching midafternoon. she had scampered off, gushing that this sector was abundant with lichen which she absolutely needed to sample for her labs, though it isn’t long before quaritch hears her shout from a short distance. the colonel tucks the heel of his rifle into his shoulder, alert as he searches for her and any potential threats.

but what the colonel finds is truly ridiculous, somehow she has managed to lodge herself between two fallen logs, unable to push her hips through the slim gap.

“colonel quaritch? is that you? please help!”

her hips wiggle and her feet kick, drawing the colonel’s attention. most of the time he would roll his eyes and pull her by the collar like a scorned child, but this felt different.

“god dammit, how the hell did you manage this?” he lowers the barrel of the rifle as he steps closer to the fallen trees, watches as she kicks helplessly with her boots barely toeing the ground. the colonel tries not to look too close at her toned legs, or how her tight shorts are riding up into the apex of her thighs.

he growls in frustration, mostly at the absurdity of the situation but also the stir of lust in his stomach.

he steps closer, boots heavy as he treads the rugged terrain and assessed her position. he peers over the other side of the fallen trees and sees her panicked expression. her eyes are wide and her skin is flushed with exertion, bangs sticking to her forehead and she’s heaving to catch her breath. her breasts spill over her low neckline and smoosh together given the tight space.

quaritch snicks his teeth, visibly upset.

“it’s always something with you, kid,” he mutters, grimacing

“i’m stuck,” she pouts, wiggling in a noncommittal effort to free herself

“clearly.” the colonel says gruffly, walking around the logs to assess the best way to free her. quaritch bends at his waist to meet her eyes. “you’re so much smarter than this, puke” he chided. his eyes glance at her breasts, her lips.

“i know that!” she snaps, shooting daggers at him and huffing out a breath. the colonel flares at her response.

“hey, don’t you catch a tone with me, girl,”quaritch says sternly, snapping his fingers and pointing at her. “now this s’bout the fourth time i’ve had to come an’ save ya from doin’ somethin’ stupid,” he tells her. “really should be thankin’ me,” he gruffs and stands to his full height.

quaritch circles back around, figuring the best way out was from this side. the colonel’s hands fall to his hips and he grimaces. “dammit, kid, what the hell were ya’ thinkin’?” he says. he steps closer and amplifies his voice. “i’m gonna grab ya’, alright? gonna grab right here and pull,” he tells her, large hands settling on her waist. his nose flares and his tail flicks as his hands clasp her sweat slick body.

he tries to focus on the task at hand, pulling her by the waist but she’s still squirming and kicking. her efforts prevent him from helping and only serve to irritate the colonel. when she accidentally kicks his ribs it quickly sends quaritch into a rage

in the fresh wave of frustration and really without a consciouts thought, quaritch swats the top her ass, hard. “dammit kid! quit all that wiggling.” he shouts, gritting his teeth. her entire body jolts with the unexpected sting and she shouts. “ah!” her thighs pull together and she’s gone rigid.

quaritch continues to flare. “i’ve had it with you, fuckin’ up the mission the way you have. always getting into trouble, i have half the the mind to just leave ya’ here” he growls. his fingers push into the plump flesh at her hips. he’s trying to ignore the fact that he’s half hard just from her ass in his face, and the grip he has on her sweat slick body isn’t helping.

before quaritch can even acknowledge his own actions, a sweet and vaguely familiar scent begins to blossom in the air. quaritch follows his nose, and he’s only faced with her muscular thighs and plump ass. “i’ll be damned, puke, are you gettin’ wet right now?” the colonel asks, confused and astonished and aroused.

her thighs tuck together, trying to make herself as small as possible, but the scent only continued to fill his nostrils and quaritch feels his dick jump. it’s a sweet aphrodisia that is distinctly her, so intoxicating that he can’t help himself from seeking her scent, inhaling deeply through his nose. he hums, and something switches within the colonel, a chuckle erupting from his chest.

“you’ve gotta be kiddin’ me,” he gruffs. “you’re gettin’ off on this, are ya?”

“filthy girl,” he says, hands smoothing over her bum. he pulls at the meat of her ass, spreading her before he drops his hold, the weight bouncing slightly in her shorts. the colonel growls. “what should i do with you?” he rumbles, pushing his fingertips into her hips.

the colonel quickly makes the decision. “i’m keepin’ you just like this, you’re not goin’ nowhere ‘til i decide it’s time to pull ya’ out of there,” he orders. “you got that, sugar?” asks, voice like silk and smoke. quaritch slots his hips against her backside, his thick member fitting right against her clothed cunt. he’s still pulling at her bum, kneading the flesh of her thighs, his ears flicking as they catch the sound of her whimpers on the other side.

quaritch swears he’s can feel the way her shorts catch against her clit, the swollen bud protruding slightly as he pushes flush against her backside.

“you’re so warm right here,” quaritch moans, punctuating with a thrust that drags the tip of his cock against her clit. the friction makes her yelp and she squeezes her thighs, sensitive from the rough layers of fabric separating them.

that’s when quaritch decides to hook his fingers into her waistband, peeling off her shorts and underwear. the colonel curses when he sees her arousal stringing between her soaked pussy and sticky panties. “fuck, this all for me?” quaritch teases, spreading her thighs. “what’s got you so worked up, huh?”

her garments pool at her ankles, and she can’t help but shiver as one of the colonel’s fingers ghosts up her calf, tickling the back of her knee and soon his entire hand is kneading at the juncture between her thigh and bum, exposing her cunt. “so fuckin’ wet down here, i bet you’d open right up for me,” quaritch drawls, pushing two fingers through her slick. quaritch glides them over her clit, coming back to push into her entrance. he groans when she sucks him in to his second knuckle, and he begins to slowly fuck his fingers into her.

quaritch can hear her moans from the other side, and once he’s able to a slide a third finger inside of her, he pumps them with a steady rhythm. “needy little thing, ain’tcha, taking my fingers like it’s nothin’.” he’s so unbelievably hard, his cock straining almost painfully against his cargos. he takes his fingers from her and she cries out, which earns her a quick swat at the back of her thigh.

“ah ah, quit you’re cryin’ doll, you’ll get it soon enough,” quaritch teases, and she hears the clank of metal from his belt coming undone. quaritch groans with relief, only has the mind to pull his pants just far enough to free his dick from its confines and begins to tease his cockhead against her, coating himself with her slick. he feels so big against her, she whines and tries to push her hips back into him, and she gets another spank for that.

“i told you to stop that damn wigglin’,” quaritch huffs. “naughty thing, is this why you keep fuckin’ everything up? ‘cause you’re needin’ cock so bad?” he grinds against her, swatting her bum again. “wanted my attention, huh? is that it? well, you got it now.”

the colonel gives in and lines his member with her dripping sex, pushing into her slick heat. quaritch hisses as her soaked cunt yields to him.

“that’s it, go on an’ open up for me, darlin’, just like that,” he begins to fuck his thick member into her slowly.

“christ, you’re so fuckin tight around me” he grits, the colonel’s own deep moans rumbling out of him. quaritch begins to push his hips slowly, setting a languid rhythm that has his cock bullying into her slick heat.

quaritch looks down where they are joined, her cunt stretching lewdly and painting his cock with her arousal.

quaritch almost wishes the logs were out of the way, so he could press into her back, so he could snake his hands along her torso towards her plump breasts, but he’s also got an inkling that she’s into this. she’s into the fact that she’s trapped, into the fact that she’s completely left to the colonel’s mercy.

the colonel cups the back of her thigh, lifting and finding another angle where he can slide his entire length inside of her, and she swears sees stars. she lets him take her, moaning loudly as the new angle kisses that spongy part inside of her.

“you like this, girl? your sweet little body trapped on my cock? huh?” he laughs, pausing his thrusts at the hilt. “yeah? you better get fuckin’ used to it, doll, you’re mine now,” he grunts, sliding his throbbing cock in and out of her clenching sex.

‘fuck! takin’ it so well, sugar. yeah, keep takin’ this fuckin’ cock,” he babbles, teeth bared as he fucks into her womb. pleasured moans are punched out of her with each snap of his hips.

“yeah, honey, that’s it. ahh fuck, so good lettin’ me take you like this, so dirty.” quaritch quickens his thrusts at brutal pace, slamming his cock into her tight heat. the colonel thrums with pleasure, low groans rumbling from his chest. he feels her walls tighten, and basks in the feel of her cunt locking around his thick member. quaritch is so fucking close to coming, knows she’s close too. he begins to lose his rhythm, sloppily thrusting into her.

but then quaritch pulls out, fisting his cock and groaning as he comes harder than he probably ever has, the sensation heightened in this new body. the first rope shoots across her lower back, and he groans at the sight, positioning himself so the rest of his cum lands on her pussy, leaving a milky mess over her cunt.

quaritch rumbles from his chest, propping his forearm onto the fallen tree as he catches his breath. he leans over her and looks down like he’s admiring his work. “mmm, so pretty covered in my cum, do you like that?” he wonders, dragging a finger through her folds. she quivers, her orgasm ripped away and her pussy clenches, desperate to feel anything. quaritch can hear her needy cries on the other side.

“aw don’t cry now, darlin’ you’ve been such a good little slut taking my cock, ya did so well,” he says. he gains his breath and stands straight, tucking himself back into his pants and buckling his belt.

“you don’t get to come yet, not after all the trouble you’ve made,” quaritch tells her. he pulls her shorts back over her hips, and the sticky mess of cum sticks to her. “now you just stay right there, sugar, i’ll come for ya when i’m ready,” he smirks.

“w-wait! colonel! please don’t go,” she pleads, still quivering and desperate to come. fear strikes her heart at the pretense of being alone, but the crunch of his boots over the forest floor is already fading. she honestly feels like crying, unsure when the colonel will come back, if he decides to come back.

p.s. he does come back, just before nightfall and he fucks her again for good measure before he’s able to pull her lax limbs from the gap in the fallen trees. she’s totally fucked out, and quaritch lets her cradle into his lap, smoothing a hand over her hair and warning her to stop getting herself into these situations.

notes: woooahhh this is probably the longest thing i have written yet! i get shy when writing the smuttier stuff hehe so please lmk what y’all think! reblogs and likes are super mega appreciated, hope you enjoyed!

[ursa-tan]

Hi! This might be a very niche but I was wondering if you could do a

Wally x reader, 🍑, consensual soul eating where he either fucks us during it, or it turns into a type of invisible/soul sex

(And if you didn't know: soul eating is where Wally eats with his eyes and feeds off of our emotions/energy, but it's like a kind of a weird sleep paralysis out of body experience for the person he's feeding off of, I've seen people also use the concept for kissing and more)

I'll show you

Wally Darling x Masc!Reader

Word count: 4,221 Reading time: ~16 mins

A/N: I hope this is what you wanted anon! I know it went a little off-request, but I hope you're still satisfied with it! Please let me know if you can!

Upon joining the neighbourhood, you were under the impression that you were the only one that would eat. Being the only human in a village of sentient puppets, the assumption made sense. In fact, the first time you say a puppet eat you were convinced it was some sort of joke set up by Barnaby to get you to embarrass yourself by asking questions. It wasn’t until said humorous puppet ask why you were staring at Sally so weirdly while she was eating that you realised that these puppets actually do eat.

You spent the next few weeks tallying up the number of times you saw each puppet eat. Well, you tried to at least, before you gave up. It became apparent pretty quickly that all of them ate on pretty much the same schedule as you, even if you didn’t see it happen. Sally would often tell you about how strict her diet is as a performer, Poppy offering you things she had baked, and Eddie talking about being a fool for skipping breakfast because he woke up late. Sufficient to say, the puppets ate, just like you did.

What struck you as strange though was that you had never seen Wally eat. Not once. He held food, stared at it, carried it around, yet he never seemed to eat it. Not even when Julie and Frank took the time to put a picnic together. He just held an apple in his hands the entire time, staring at it occasionally, but never eating it.

“It’s strange,” You mumble to yourself, breaking apart a chocolate bar and placing a square in your mouth. Your eyes are fixed on Wally, who’s currently engaged in conversation with Eddie and – once again – holding an apple that you know he isn’t going to eat.

“What’s strange, Kiddo?” Barnaby, one of your closest friends since joining the neighbourhood, asks. He’s standing next to you, doing nothing in particular.

“Hm? Oh, just the fact that I’ve never seen Wally eat. I mean, I’ve seen him holding food plenty of times, but I’ve never seen him eat it.” You don’t take your eyes off the smaller puppet – almost like you’re afraid that if you blink, the apple might disappear and you’ll seem crazy. You nearly spit out your chocolate when Barnaby next speaks.

“Yeah, that’s cuz he doesn’t eat,” he chuckles, placing a massive paw on your head and ruffling your hair, making a mess of it.

You push Barnaby’s hand off your head but don’t let go of it, knowing that he’ll put it straight back if you do. Staring at him in confusion, you wait for him to continue. When, after a few seconds, he stays silent, you know that you’re going to have to ask questions to get answers.

“He doesn’t eat? Like, at all?” You keep Barnaby’s arm in your grasp, looking up at him with a curiosity that needs to be satisfied.

“No, he eats,��� Barnaby looks down at you, chuckling at the way you’re looking at him, “Just not like the rest of us, that’s all.”

“Not like the rest of us? What does that mean? How does he eat? Does he need to eat then? What would-“You don’t get to finish your barrage of questions as Barnaby uses his other hand to silence you, placing his massive paw right in your face. In much the same way that a cat would if you got too close.

“Slow down with the questions there, Kiddo!” Barnaby chuckles, holding his paw against your face for a second before removing it.

“I just-“ You’re once again interrupted by a paw to the face.

“Just tell me you’re done.” He slowly removes the paw from your face, as if expecting to have to silence you a third time.

“Ok, ok, I’m done. I’ll stop with the questions.” To say you’re disappointed is an understatement, you’re brimming with questions that you’re absolutely desperate to ask. It seems like Barnaby can tell.

“Why don’t you ask the man himself?” He gestures towards Wally, who’s still obliviously chattering away with Eddie, “You know he likes you, he wouldn’t say no if you asked politely.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. It’s Wally, he’s my best friend, I know him like the back of my paw,” Barnaby holds up his free paw, looking at the back of it proudly for a moment. That moment doesn’t last long, however, as he takes any opportunity he can to crack a joke, “Huh, never noticed that spot before.”

You can’t help but giggle at his antics, finally freeing his other hand as you do. He takes the opportunity to ruffle your hair again, just making more of a mess as you hadn’t had a chance to fix it last time.

“Off you go then.” Barnaby makes a shooing motion, pushing you lightly towards Wally. No plan, no time to come up with one, no help from the comedian, it’s all up to you. You aren’t even entirely sure what you’re supposed to do.

You find yourself stressing slightly as you approach Wally and Eddie. You hope that you can just slip into the conversation, and ask Eddie how his day has been. But you don’t get that chance, because just before you get there, Eddie says goodbye and walks away. Now it’s just you and Wally.

“Oh, hello neighbour,” Wally smiles up at you, his eyes droopy and half-lidded as always. He’s still holding that goddamn apple.

“Oh, uh, hi Wally, you, uh.” You find yourself attempting feebly to stumble your way through a complete sentence. Wally’s eyes don’t leave you for a second. He’s staring straight into your eyes, almost like he’s trying to stare straight into your soul.

“Are you ok neighbour?” He’s looking at you with that cat smile. It’s so relaxed and yet you feel so tense.

“Yeah, yeah, fine,” You mumble, reaching up to pick at your arms slightly, flaking off an old scab that you never gave time to heal, “Just wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight? Maybe I can come round yours and we can have dinner?” You can feel his eyes leave you as you ask this question, but the nerves keep a tight grip on your neck and you can’t find it in yourself to look at him to find out why.

“Sounds delightful, neighbour.” The apple is gone. You look down at him when he speaks and the apple is gone. He hasn’t dropped it or stuffed it in his pockets. It’s just gone.

“Right, right… I’ll come round at about… 7?”

“yes, 7,” Wally nods, smiling and waving at you, “I’ll see you later neighbour.”

You wave at him as he walks away, watching him walk over to Julie’s before knocking on the door and waiting for her to let him in. Once he disappears, you turn back to Barnaby, looking at him with a quizzical expression.

“What’s up, kid?” He chuckles, looking at you as you find your place back at his side.

“He… Did you see what he did what that apple?”

“No clue, I was more focused on how awkward you looked,” he chuckles, reaching out to ruffle your hair for a third time. You swat him away before you get a chance.

“Seriously, did you see anything? Anything at all? It can’t have just disappeared!” You sound exacerbated, desperate for answers.

“Maybe he ate it,” Barnaby chuckles, pulling his pipe out and placing it in his mouth.

“I thought you said-“

“You should ask him about it, you’ll have him all to yourself tonight.” He lets out a puff of swirling iridescent smoke. You know that you aren’t going to get any more answers out of him. He’s being belligerent on purpose, something you know that he’s grown to enjoy when talking to you. Said it’s something about how you look funny when you’re frustrated.

Instead of trying – and ultimately failing – to wrangle more information out of Barnaby, you decide to head home. It’s not a long walk, but it gives you time to think. The main question on your mind for the next few hours is how you’re going to bring up the topic of how he eats.

You’re so consumed by the question that you don’t even realise how quickly the time passes. Before you know it, it's 6:30 and getting kinda dark outside. You know if you don’t get ready now, you’ll be late and it’ll be dark by the time you get there.

You choose to put on a nice pair of black trousers and a colourful cardigan – something you think Wally might like. You also gather up some simple snacks, the kind of things you’d want someone to bring to yours if they were going to come over. Once you’re sure that you’ve gathered everything you think you’re going to need, you set out towards Home.

Wally is opening the door before you even knock on it, wearing something much more comfortable than his usual outfit. His hair is down and he’s wearing a light pink robe that he seems to have purposefully pulled off his shoulders.

“Neighbour, you’re early,” He smiles up at you, eyes half-lidded as he holds a hand out, “Come in, please.”

“O-Oh, ok!” You shift the bag you were holding so that you can take his hand, allowing him to pull you into the house. His hand is surprisingly warm in yours, soft against your palm and small enough that you could crush it with ease if you wanted to.

“What would you like to do, neighbour?” He stops and looks up at you once he’s brought you to his living room. The main light has been turned off and replaced by the presence of a lamp. There are already a few different snacks laid out on the coffee table – you notice that he’s got your favourite. You aren’t sure if he got it on purpose or if he just already had it, maybe you can be nosy and ask Howdy when he brought it later on.

“I don’t mind…” You mumble, realising you hadn’t prepared for anything other than asking Wally how he ate.

“Would you like to make something? Maybe we can paint together,” He’s still holding your hand while he speaks, “Or we could just talk?” He’s looking up at you with something in his eyes that you can’t quite put your finger on.

“Talking sounds nice.” You smile, sitting uncomfortably on his sofa. The sofa itself is quite comfortable, but you perch yourself on the edge.

Wally doesn’t say anything, instead just coming to sit next to you. He presses himself against you, his head resting on your shoulder to the best of his ability.

“Wally, can I ask you a question?” It feels far too serious to say that, but you also feel like you might implode if you just outright ask the question that’s been on your mind for so long.

“Of course, neighbour.” He slimes up at you, moving to intertwine his hand with yours.

“I’ve noticed that you uh… I don’t… I haven’t…” You look down at his hand, and the way it holds yours, fits so perfectly has you struggling to speak, “ You… How do you eat?” Eventually, you manage to just spit it out and ask him. He doesn’t react like you would expect him to. You expected him to look up at you with that lazy, half-lidded gaze that he always had. Instead, he jumps in his seat slightly and continues to stare straight forwards.

“Well, neighbour, it’s hard to explain,” He chuckles lightly, finally moving to look up at you. His pupils are restricted, small and not looking into your own but rather focusing on your lips, “ It would be easier to show you.”

“Show me then.” You know you sound way too excited, it's probably a little off-putting.

“You have to promise not to… React badly, neighbour,” He mumbles, letting go of your hand and shuffling away from you.

“I promise.” You have to force your voice out, feeling the excitement bubble up inside you.

“Stay still.” Wally stands up, moving until he’s in front of you and can rest his hands on your thighs, just above your knees.

“O… Ok?” The excitement subsides, confusion taking its place. His hands move slightly, shifting up to rest about midway up your thighs.

Before you get a chance to ask a question, Wally is climbing into your lap and situating himself until he’s pressed as close to you as he can get. You try and ignore the way that he’s sitting directly over your crotch, or how his hands are now resting on your chest.

“Open your eyes for me,” His hands come up to cup your face, holding your head still with a surprising amount of strength, “Don’t move.”

“Wally I don’t understand why this is necessary-“

“I’m going to show you how I eat, stay still and open your eyes.” His fingers dig into your cheeks, almost painfully holding you in place. You just close your mouth and nod as best you can, deciding that you don’t want to face whatever emotion Wally was just feeling.

His pupils blow wide, almost completely consuming his eyes. You can barely see the whites of his eyes in just the corners. It’s almost scary as he stares into your own.

Suddenly, something starts to envelop your mind. A fogginess that you can’t seem to shake off no matter how much you try. Wally continues to stare into your eyes, his own almost completely black and entirely unmoving. The fog begins to numb your limps, starting in your lower legs and tingling as it leaks into your thighs. Pins and needles seep into your fingertips, crawling up your arms in a warm sensation that leaves you unable to feel anything. You try to speak, but you can’t even open your mouth. Your lips are sealed shut, leaving you unable to do anything but let out a soft whimper.

“Don’t worry,” Wally speaks, hands moving to rest on your shoulders. You don’t move your head – you can’t move your head. “This is supposed to happen.”

You try and open your mouth again, attempting to ask him what this is. Yet, no matter how hard you try, you can’t get your jaw to move. The only thing you can do is whimper pathetically, unsure of what he wants from you.

Soon enough, you realise that you can’t move your eyes either. Unlike when you experience sleep paralysis, you can’t move your eyes at all. The only thing you can focus on is Wally’s charcoal eyes, blown so wide that you feel like you’re going to fall in.

“Just relax, you wanted to see how I eat, didn’t you?” Wally shifts forwards slightly, pressing himself further against you, managing to lightly grind himself on you, “ If you want me to stop, all you have to do is close your eyes.”

With those words, you realise you can move your eyelids. While your vision is focused on those deep pools of black in front of you, your eyelids begin to twitch and flicker. You don’t feel the need to blink, your eyes aren’t dry or irritated. And, despite the fear of being unable to move… You can feel something in your mind telling you to let this continue.

“Good… Please relax neighbour, I promise this won’t hurt.” You can barely see that he’s smiling as he speaks. His hands move to run over your chest, splaying his hands out over the top of your shirt, wrinkling the material slightly and causing it to lift slightly and show your lower stomach.

A sense of pleasure starts to take over, the pins and needles like tingling becoming a warm, dripping sensation. It starts in your fingertips, slowly trickling upwards, moving like honey in thick, sticky rivulets. The feeling leaks into your chest, pooling warmth right above your heart that’s spread further and further with every beat, being spread through your veins. Soon enough, your entire body is enveloped with the tingling euphoria.

“I’m sure you’ve figured it out by now, neighbour,” Wally mumbles, his usual, sleepy voice breaking you out of your focus, “You always were smart…”

You whimper in response to his statement. You hadn’t figured it out, you hadn’t figured anything out. All you know is that you feel amazing and that you can feel Wally’s ass pressing against your slowly hardening cock.

“You haven’t?” He seems surprised to ask this question, almost as if he really did think you understand what’s going on, “Should I explain then, neighbour?”

You let out another soft whimper, no longer caring about what’s happening. You’re losing yourself to the sensations, to the way his soft body feels pressed against yours.

“I eat with my eyes,” He starts, still staring deeply into your own, “But I can’t just eat food, it’s not enough… I need something more substantial, something bigger… Which is where you come in. I just need to take a little from you, some energy, I guess you could say.”

There’s nothing you can do as Wally continues to stare into your eyes, still smiling slightly, eyes still blown so incredibly wide. You wouldn’t stop him even if you could. You have plenty of energy to share if he was telling the truth about that. It doesn’t matter really, the feeling of warmth throughout your body and your slowly growing erection made you desperate for more.

“It seems you’re enjoying this neighbour… Maybe I should give you a little something in return.” Wally seems to be thinking out loud, wondering about what he should do for you.

It doesn’t take a second for him to begin slowly rocking his hips. His ass is pressed against your cock, slowly grinding into it, causing your erection to grow more and more with each passing second. The way he rocks his hips causes you to groan, eyelids flickering slightly but never once blocking Wally’s view of your eyes.

The puppet's hands trail downwards, eventually reaching your lower stomach. Slowly, he inches one hand under your shirt, touching your skin in soft, barely-there circles that cause your muscles to twitch involuntarily. He pauses his movements when he feels your muscles quiver under his fingers, seemingly cherishing the movements before continuing his ministrations. Wally manages to get your muscles to tremble again, many times.

The hand that isn’t under your shirt moves down to your belt buckle, undoing it with practised ease and quickly pulling it from your belt loops. Wally tosses it over his shoulder, letting it clatter to the floor somewhere behind him that you can’t see. His eyes never leave yours, not once.

Next thing you know, the puppet is popping your trouser button open with one hand, unzipping the zip as well. You groan again, only this time it’s out of disappointment, as Wally has shifted backwards and off you’re your painfully hard cock so he can shuffle your trousers down. The fabric bunches up around your mid-thighs, giving Wally space to sit on your crotch again, now only with your boxers in the way.

You want to buck your hips upwards, thrust yourself into his small body, and maybe even get the chance to hold him down and fuck him. But you still can’t move, so everything is left up to Wally. He knows this. You know he knows you know.

He removes his hand from underneath your shirt, shifting his small body backwards to leave your thinly veiled cock exposed to him again. He places one of his hands over you, palming you softly through your boxers, applying just enough pressure to make you feel something so delicious that you want more. It’s not long before he’s pulling your boxers down, freeing your cock and allowing it to spring up and hit the stomach of your shirt. It leaves a small, dark patch where you’re already leaking precum.

Wally begins to focus on undoing his trousers now, popping the button and somehow managing to pull them off within seconds – all without breaking eye contact. He gets his boxers off as well, throwing them somewhere behind him, probably letting them join your previously discarded belt.

Despite being unable to move your body yourself, your lips part seamlessly when two of Wally's fingers press against them. It allows him to slide the digits inside your mouth, pressing the pads of his fingers into your tongue. You can feel you're saliva coating his fingers, making them slick. You want to curl your tongue up and against him, wrap it around the fingers in your mouth, allowing you to suck on them lightly.

Slowly, Wally pulls his fingers from your mouth. Thin strands of your saliva connect your lips to his fingers, glistening in the light and drawing your attention for just a moment - even if you can only see them in your peripherals.

You aren't entirely sure what he's going to do with his now slick fingers until he reaches backwards. Wally's hands slip behind him, begging to slowly tease and dip into his tight hole. You can just about feel the way his hips shudder as he begins to finger himself, slipping both of his now-slicked fingers into his ass. 

Your cock twitches as he lets out a soft moan, hips bucking backwards a little. He's fucking himself on his fingers, thighs starting to tremble slightly as he continues. The way he moves makes you want nothing more than to have him, the feeling is a burning lust in your chest that drives you mad.

Eventually, Wally stops pleasuring himself and pulls his fingers out, moving his previously busy hand round to his front. You think he's going to touch you, until he begins to stroke his cock in long, languid movements. The fact that he isn't touching you is driving you crazy, your cock is aching and you're desperate for his touch, but he won't give it to you.

Until, that is, Wally shifts slightly forwards. He uses the hand that isn't stroking his cock to lightly grip yours, lining it up with his tight hole. You can feel your leaking cock press against him, meeting a small amount of resistance as he begins to lower himself down onto you. You can feel yourself sliding in slowly, your saliva making it easy for him to push himself down.

Wally bounces gently as he pushes himself down further, pulling up slightly to be able to slip more of you inside of him. After a few soft, subtle bounces, he reaches your base, leaving you fully hilted inside him.

The combination of the thick, honey-like pleasure and the tightness of Wally's tight hole around your cock has your mind beginning to fog. You know you aren't going to last long, not like this. Especially as the head of your cock presses into his soft, gummy walls. Wally's surprisingly warm body squeezes around you, tightening more than you thought it could. 

Slowly, he begins to rock his hips again. The soft rocking progresses into a bouncing motion, causing Wally's soft inner to glide along your cock, sending waves of pleasure through your body.

The pleasure starts to overwhelm you. Everything that's happening is getting too much, the thick, tingling pleasure, the rolling waves of euphoria, it's pushing you towards climax. You're desperate to orgasm, to finish and fill the small puppet sitting in front of you.

Soon, the growing, building pleasure becomes too much. Your orgasm comes crashing over you, muscles twitching, your mind flooding with pleasure. You can feel yourself cum, waves of complete euphoria rolling over you as you.

Wally doesn't stop bouncing as you reach your peak, seeking his finish. The sensation of his soft walls becomes too much, overstimulating your now sensitive cock. You can feel your eyes tearing up, although you don't dare to blink. He clamps around you, body stilling and thighs trembling as he orgasms. Hot, sticky ropes of cum shoot out and ruin not only your shirt but also his cardigan.

A few seconds pass, Wally practically panting, before he finally breaks eye contact. Immediately you feel as if there is nothing left of you. Your eyes are sore and your body is tired from what just occurred - but your mind is also foggy.

Wally doesn't bother speaking or even getting up, instead just leaning forwards and cuddling into you. His head nuzzles into your neck, cock still hilted inside of him. You don't want to move either, still enjoying the feeling of him. So instead, you opt to wrap your arms around the puppet and hold him close, almost immediately falling asleep.

[femininenachos]

I’ve Got News For You

(Or the 80s rival TV newscasters AU no one asked for…)

It’s 1987, and Lexa Woods is a serious, austere news anchor, always delivering the news with smooth, measured gravitas. Nicknamed “the perfumed menace” she’s renowned for being a tough and exacting interviewer, a household name with the plaudits to back it up. Meanwhile, Clarke Griffin is a plucky reporter on the ground with a megawatt smile and disarming manner, who’s carved a niche for herself with frivolous, crowd-pleasing fluff pieces and lighthearted human-interest/animal segments. Lexa doesn’t hide her disdain for the rival outlet’s content and tone, yet it consistently beats her own channel in the ratings, to her supreme annoyance.

So she’s furious and indignant when station manager Indra tells her they’re poaching Clarke from their competitor.

“I won a Peabody for my coverage of the opioid crisis in Mount Weather!”

Lexa’s rant gathers steam.

“We’re a respected news source. This,” she gestures at the freeze frame of Clarke reporting from a feline beauty pageant, “is not news.”

Lexa stabs a finger in the air, oblivious to Indra’s subtle eye roll.

“I won’t stand here and watch my reputation for high-minded broadcast journalism be washed down the drain. I’ll walk.”

She also learns they plan to bring in a male anchorman, some eye candy for the housewives. The focus groups find Lexa too severe and haughty.

“I’m the anchor. No one reads the news but me.”

“Well,” Indra tells her firmly. “Things have to change or there won’t be a show to anchor. Would you prefer they take us off the air entirely and replace us with compilations of idiotic home video mishaps? They’re cheap and everybody loves them.” (The “unlike you” goes unsaid). “I’ve heard grumblings from the board.”

Lexa stares, aghast at the notion.

It takes a lot of placating to calm her down, vague promises of a primetime special on a hard-hitting topic of her choosing. 

When she’s introduced to Clarke the following week, Lexa is frosty, aloof, giving the cold shoulder. Later that day, they butt heads during a pitch meeting. Lexa dismisses Clarke’s ideas, leaving her fuming, and everyone else stepping on eggshells.

Record scratch cut to Lexa’s dressing room...

Clarke kisses her hard, nipping sharply at Lexa’s bottom lip, an undercurrent of rebuke in her voice when she tells Lexa, “You could dial it down a notch, you know? For someone who wants to get under my skirt, you could stand to be a lot nicer.”

Lexa soothes Clarke by trailing kisses along her jaw to that spot behind her ear that makes her knees buckle slightly. “I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

She sucks a kiss at the top of Clarke’s neck. The pressure light, not enough to leave a mark, conscious of how that might reflect poorly on Clarke, professionally speaking. Half the station already thinks she’s a ditzy airhead (a false impression that Lexa did nothing to discourage, she acknowledges to herself with a tiny stab of guilt), and a visible hickey would only provide more fodder for snide gossip.

“Anya was in the room and I overcompensated. She’s too savvy not to be suspicious of me suddenly singing your praises.”

“Oh, yeah?” Clarke hoists an eyebrow as she leans back, out of range of Lexa’s roving mouth. “Been trash talking me to your producer?”

Lexa‘s throat bobs. “I… might have expressed some strong reservations about the new editorial direction.” For some reason her mouth keeps moving and words, the wrong ones, keep spilling forth, as though she isn’t actually someone who’s built a storied career on being an excellent communicator. “I’m just not convinced by the pivot from hard news to a magazine format, or that our two styles will successfully mesh.”

Her heart plummets as Clarke pulls away and starts to tuck in her blouse. “Well, you definitely won’t be meshing with me now.”

“Clarke, wait. Come on, can’t we talk—”

“No. You’re such an ass, Lexa. Beautiful, sexy beyond belief, but an ass all the same.” Clarke strides across the room, ignoring Lexa’s pleas, and lays her hand on the doorknob. Pauses to look over her shoulder, not fully able to mask the hurt and betrayal in her expression. “Let’s just do one another a favour and stay out of each other’s way, alright? And a word of warning: don’t try to get me fired. I will lawyer up and sue this station into oblivion.”

“I—”

Lexa stares at the empty doorway, bewildered at how a sizzling secret makeout session went so far off the rails so quickly, and left wondering how she can possibly repair the damage.

[venacoeurva]

I will be opening 2 slots for this style! Please specify if you want the regular cel shaded one or the old print style one (Wren threateningly in his undies is the best example of the textures and inking I have 🥲), prices are the same. One image per person sans minor alterations. Please read the rules below.

They’re first come, first serve--Contact via IMs only, asks are tedious and difficult to navigate back to to get refs, and idk if asks still get eaten but I'd rather not give it the chance.

RULES

These commissions are NOT permitted for commercial use, use in training AI, NFTs or any involvement in cryptocurrency, campaigns, or promotion that contributes to financial gain. This includes assets such as icons, banners, character art, and similar for streaming, Youtube, blogs that make a profit, and other websites. If there’s a chance you will profit financially from its use, that falls under commercial.

You will get 2 minor to moderate fixes in your commission past the sketch phase. Be prepared and have your resources and ideas ahead of time and if you remember any changes please tell me all of them at one time as one fix. I will not practically or actually redraw or recolor a commission due to customer negligence.

You are not permitted to remove watermarks on the pieces.

I must know ahead of time if you intend on creating physical objects using the piece.

There is not a contractual forfeiture of rights from me to you, I extend them to you. I retain a right to use commissions for promotional and portfolio reasons.

Payment must be up front in full via Paypal invoices (so I need your associated email, NOT a paypal.me link).

When describing things such as the poses and scene, please break the text up into smaller chunks. Also, please don’t tell me to just do whatever, that isn’t helpful at all, stressful, and odds are you know these characters more than I do!

Must have a visual reference for any OCs or character who are difficult to find good references for (such as for a very niche series). I need as neutral lighting in screenshots as you can manage, if you want color accuracy I need accurate colors for colored pieces or the ability to infer what they would be in the lighting of the commission. If the screenshots are too bad I will say no until you can get a better one.

Keep it SFW, suggestive at most for adult characters only (vulgar dialogue or text allowed as long as it's not bigoted or in poor taste). Upper nudity is fine for adults. You must be an adult for that. Fetish content that wouldn’t be clocked from an outside perspective is not allowed. I can also tell when people try to stealth fetish art out of me.

I will not emulate other online artists’ styles, and this commission opening is for the above style only.

If you want me to illustrate part of your fic, do not expect me to read it. Give me a description of the scene as you would any other illustration. If you try this, I will reject your commission.

Shipping is fine (OCXCanon, OCXOC, CanonxCanon) provided it isn't incest or adult/minor. If I'm skeeved out by a particular one you bring up I'll also let you know if I won't do that one.

I won't draw other peoples' OCs that are not yours unless you know each other. People do that without consent, it's weird!

Nonhuman/elf/other humanoid characters are fine, including furries or monsters.

No real people other than cases such as your fursona, etc. and no real person shipping/fanfiction or fanart.

If you're being unprofessional via playful rudeness, flirting, bigotry, demanding I prioritize your comm in the queue or to work faster I will refund you and immediately stop working on your commission. You will be blacklisted.

No politics, no bigoted content (including transphobia and exclusion), no shitty tired jokes like farm tools, rape jokes, pedophilia jokes, or anything involving F/yr unless it’s him getting being obliterated into a fine paste. You get the gist, he makes me uncomfortable and I refuse to draw him, and poor enough taste concepts will get you rejected and blacklisted.

There are some series I refuse to draw for full stop. If you ask for one, I’ll let you know.

I can say no to any commission for any reason.

[toxxxic-mess]

Introduction

Hey losers, and Hello Alphas.

This is my new blog, after my previous was once again banned. A few boring bits out of the way though since we’re here.

Firstly; Incase you can’t tell, I’m a beta loser. I believe woman are superior to me, and I can’t compete with real men when it comes to girls. So please don’t ask me to dominate you etc, and also please don’t call me Sir, this is a major turn off for me, just a heads up if we’re chatting and it goes quiet. My preferred pronoun is “it” :)

Also I’m happy to chat to others, it’s why keep coming back despite the constant deactivation of my accounts. But due to the amount of conversations and the amount of gooning etc, I’m less likely to reply to messages that just say hi or how are you etc. Don’t take it offensively, it’s just between a choice of spending time gooning with another loser over a hot girl, or making small talk, becoming a better beta loser will also take precedence.

The reason I post online is because I love being a loser. I love gooning to worse and worse things, and getting others to jerk off to worse and worse things. Everything I post online about myself is true, such as stories etc, and if I post about followers etc it will be a mix of true and exaggeration to get them triggered, assuming that the bits that are true are in turn told to me truthfully. For instance, if I make an exposure caption about a loser, everything in the post is true based on what they tell me. I can’t guarantee what they’ve told me, but also if I don’t believe them I won’t post. Just take it with a grain of salt. However, while I am a loser and enjoy doing humiliating things, a lot of things I am physically unable to do. This is because I have a girlfriend. No, I will not share pictures or talk about her any more, but yes, I am still a virgin. We have a good relationship, but she doesn’t enjoy being dominant or seeing me as a sissy etc, so we have an agreement I can explore fantasies online etc, and what I do at home when alone is my business. Essentially an ignorance is bliss agreement, which is fair enough, if not ideal. But it does mean things more permanent like for instance decorating my room in pink with Barbies etc just won’t happen.

I jerk to a lot, though ironically, “normal” porn doesn’t do anything for me, nor do most captions, though will post a few to encourage other losers to be better gooners. I guess being in mid 30’s and jerking off since a teen daily means I’ve seen so much it’s just boring now. As such, I’ve gotten into quite niche areas of porn, as you don’t see much so it feels fresh, though down side isn’t much of it. My biggest turn on is corruption, being turned into the opposite of what makes me me. There’s the obvious stuff like bimbofication and sissisfication, hypnosis etc, but I love the more mental alterations such as false memories, religious play and political play etc. I love gooning to anime waifus, as I try to convince myself real girls are too good for me, I’ve also started gooning to corporations. Power is sexy, corporations have power this corporations are sexy. I believe people should be treated fair, so gooning to companies paying less than minimum wage and denying rights just feels hot. As I said, been getting into niche stuff. I also enjoy making vices worse such as drinking and smoking, or creating new vices if needed too. Hopefully they’ll be more normal stuff on here for everyone, but if you develop new kinks because of it, then I’ve helped make you a worse loser, which is exactly what you should be. When I do jerk to real girls, my favourite is Riley Reid though Livvy Dunne is a close second, and you’ll see I do enjoy the Chav/White Trash aesthetic. I also have a huge crush and inferiority complex to Asian women, and obsess over e-girls like Alice Delish and Belle Delphine

A lot of what I post is not my content. Again, due to constant deactivation from higher up, I lose track of who posted what. However stuff I post that isn’t mine I fee needs to be shared as it’s so good. So if you see something you made, please don’t think I’m taking credit for it. I just wanted to share it. If I post something you made, DM me and I can take it down, attribute credit or re-blog your version etc. whatever works for you.

I do make original captions etc, but honestly, only when I feel like it, and if feel inspired by any sent pictures etc. if you want a caption send pictures and I’ll see what can do, but just be prepared I might not. I’m more likely to post if you say what sort of caption or any info you want requested in it, and almost always do it if we’ve been chatting and we’ve made each other worse perverts.

I also log into peoples social media, people who know me from my other blogs can attest to how triggering it is. If you request this, we will agree on conditions before hand, and I will do no more or no less than what we agree. Again, others can attest this is the case, but if you’re unsure, there’s nothing I can say that will change your mind. I’ve logged into peoples FB, found their hot friends and posted their pics on here turning them into goon fuel for other perverts, posted embarrassing statuses (you can always say you were hacked :) ) or just watched friends talk to you, and DM you messages on here about what I COULD reply to them posing as you. One person even let me reply to them occasionally on the condition he could send the next message after. Again whatever works for you, anything to help losers get triggered more. Getting triggered more means you need a bigger dopamine hit next time for that rush which means more time dedicated to porn. Porn always wins.

Anyway, think that’s the end of the long post done. Will post a couple of girls now just to end the wall of text.

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS MORE CHARACTER SONG Vol.10 Strawberry Jam by Sakamaki Reiji Mini Drama “Determining the Value”

Original title: 価値の見極め

Source: Diabolik Lovers CHARACTER SONG Vol. 10 Mini Drama

Audio: Here

Seiyuu: Katsuyuki Konishi

Translator’s note: This track was...hard. :’’) Honestly, it might be the most I have struggled with translating a CD in a long time, and it wasn’t even 10 minutes long in total. I get that Reiji is very passionate about this antique lamp but he starts throwing around a bunch of niche vocabularly which I had never heard of in my whole life so I had to keep on pausing and rewinding the track to look up all the words. (and even now there’s some parts I’m uncertain about whether or not I understood them correctly)

*Rustle*

*Thud*

“Hm...The exquisit cloudiness of this fibreglass is truly superb...”

You approach Reiji and reach out to him.

“Oh dear. What a surprise, it’s you.”

You note that he seems very pleased.

“I look happy? ...Fufu, well, yes. I do happen to feel quite content right now. The antique lamp I have been eagerly awaiting has arrived at last.”

He walks over to the lamp.

“I could tell at first glance. This item is worth much more than what it was listed as at the antiques store. ...You should have a look at it as well.”

You move closer.

“Just as I thought, it does not stick out too much amongst the living room’s overall aesthetic, blending it perfectly with the rest of the furniture. It is truly wonderful.”

*Rustle*

“On top of that, this strong impression it exerts...Just as I thought, something of value leaves nothing to be desired. It is only very rarely that you can come across a find like this on the market. I suppose it was worth all of the time I invested into looking for it.”

*Rustle*

“The state of the item is one of the most important factors when buying antique, so it is truly fortunate that there do not appear to be any visible scars on the surface. It is truly a shame when the value of an otherwise exquisite item drops because it has not been preserved well. I am truly glad that this lamp’s previous owner was a sensible individual.”

Reiji runs his fingers across the lamp.

“The paintwork is almost reminiscent of the art produced in Eastern Europe during the medieval period, masking the fact that fibreglass was used. ...What do you think? Isn’t it wonderful?”

You nod awkwardly.

“...Were you actually listening to me just now?”

You try to make up an excuse. 

“Haah...I knew it. No point in trying to deny it. I can tell by looking at that dumbfounded look on your face.”

You frown.

“When someone is talking to you, you do not simply listen, but you are expected to make an effort to try and understand what exactly they are trying to tell you.”

You look down.

“So can you claim that you have grasped the value of this lamp...after listening to me talk about it?”

You shake your head.

“See? ...Good grief. What am I going to have to do with you?”

You apologize.

“You can save me your apologies. This is hardly anything new after all. If anything, I suppose you could say I am at fault here for trying to talk about an antique lamp...”

He starts walking away.

“...to someone like you.”

You grab hold of his arm.

*Rustle*

“ーーHm? Could you let go of my arm? You will wrinkle the fabric of my sleeve.”

You let go.

“I am not upset with you, truly. If anything, I am reflecting upon my own decisions. You were never the right person to try and have a conversation about the value of a precious piece of artwork with. That is all.”

You frown.

“Oh dear? Are you feeling down? No need. It was never my intention to call you a complete failure. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses.”

*Rustle*

“So why not focus on trying to play out your strengths?”

Reiji corners you.

“In the end...This is the only thing someone like you can hope for, right? ...However, there is no need to feel pessimistic about that. After all, it is undeniably the truth...that your blood is of the finest quality.”

You flinch.

“Well then...Let me suck your blood.”

*Rustle*

Reiji bites you.

“Gulp gulp gulp*

“Haah...Just as I thought, your blood truly is special...Nnh...”

“Gulp gulp gulp*

“Hah...Even more so than that lamp over that...”

*Gulp*

“Its value is priceless...Hahn...”

*Gulp gulp*

“Mm...”

*Rustle*

“Hah...Next...”

*Rustle*

“I’ll suck from here...”

*Rustle*

“Oh dear? This must be from the other day...Even though it had been concealed underneath your clothes so far, my fangs left a clear mark on your skin. Fufu...However, no need to worry about it. After all, I have no intention of handing you over to anyone else. ...No matter how valuable of an item they might offer in return...You see?”

*Gulp gulp gulp*

“Hah...”

You seem disappointed.

“What’s the matter? You seem rather displeased despite the fact that I clearly recognized your worth just now.”

You explain.

“I only praised your blood, you say? Well, yes, that is true. What else should I compliment?”

You frown.

“...Have you perhaps put it in your head that you might have other noteworthy features besides your blood?”

You nod.

“Haah...I am at a loss for words. I think this to myself every time, but where exactly does that confidence come from? But well...Right. I suppose your strong spirit which has allowed you to remain by my side despite the harsh treatment you have received is somewhat admirable, I suppose.”

You seem surprised by his words.

“Although any attempts to escape from me would be pointless either way.”

*Rustle*

“Did I not tell you? I cannot imagine...I would ever let go of you.”

*Smooch*

*Rustle*

“Well then. I have finished installing the lamp, so I suppose I should head back to my room now.”

He moves away.

“What are you dawdling for? Come on, hurry up and make your way over here.”

You join him.

ーー THE END ーー

[carakook]

Hello!

I just wanted to make a quick post regarding Bloom.

I have had a few comments mentioning how much they don’t support cheating, and no matter what how wrong it is. Full disclaimer, I agree. As I mentioned in the intro, I started writing this as a way to cope with the fact I was cheated on by my fiancé. I DO NOT condone cheating at all, I never would cheat, not even with flower boy himself. It is one of the most selfish things you can do to a person; in my opinion, if you start having thoughts of cheating, you either need to tell your partner or leave. This story isn’t meant to romanticize cheating, and as it goes on, you will see the consequences of their actions.

Yes, it is a sweet and tragic little love story (because again I WAS COPING and I needed it to be a lil sweet and tragic from my POV, ya know?) but that doesn’t make it ok. It’s also meant to show that you can love someone but you can also fall out of love with them. You can have forever planned with someone, but that doesn’t mean it’ll last. Things change, people change, everything changes. Just like flowers that grow, bloom, wilt, and die.

Cheating still isn’t ok.

Again… this story isn’t meant to romanticize cheating, but to show how it happens, why it may happen, and how fucked it can make everything. Please don’t misunderstand this story for saying cheating is ok. I have this entire story mapped out, all of the questions as to why things happened this way and why certain decisions were/were not made will be answered!

But also remember that it is just a story. It’s supposed to have twists and turns and drama. It was heavily inspired by a K-Drama I was watching after my breakup called Love Ft. Marriage and Divorce. The entire show is literally FULL of drama and cheating and a bunch of plot twists lol. Iykyk. Check it out if you haven’t yet. But anyway, point is, this isn’t real, and it’s meant to tug at your heart strings and make you feel mixed emotions. It’s like playing pretend, just for fun! But also learn a few things along the way. Just know that I don’t agree with cheating, never have, never will.

Now for a few updates! ⬇️

With that being said, I know I said Metamorphosis would be released this past weekend, but I am still working on it. I had that little mishap with my computer where I re-wrote and edited the chapter, and then all of that got deleted. So I had to redo all of that. I will be honest, I never expected to release that story. It was also originally written from the readers perspective, which I changed because I feel this story is a bit too niche for Y/N. With that, just know that I am working on it. It’s one of those stories that I want to be really well written, so I’m taking my time on it. Like Bloom, there are a lot of lessons to be learned with this story, and it is a tear jerker. 🥲

In the meantime, I have some drabbles/oneshots that were requested and those will be uploaded periodically. Of course I am working on chapter 7 of Bloom too! Before I upload anything else though, I’m going to upload a master list to make things easier for you guys. I had to figure out the best way to format it but now I have it down, and it will be posted. I’m sorta new to uploading on tumblr so please be patient with me, I didn’t realize formatting things could be so difficult??💀

I love you guys, and thank you so much for reading my silly little stories, I never thought I’d have someone like my writing. So thank you, thank you, thank you.

[jovenshires]

💛Smoshblr December Asks Final Day💙

We‘ve done it! We’ve finally reached the end of this lil ask game and also the end of 2023! 🥳 Thank you so much for joining in on this, I truly appreciate it so much 🫶! I wish you a wonderful start into the new year and that all your hopes and dreams for 2024 will come true! ✨💞

But, since the year isn’t quite over yet, I thought this might be a nice time to reminisce a little bit. Therefore, the final question of the Smoshblr December Asks Game:

What are your favourite smosh-related memories of 2023? 💖

(no specific amount required for this one; and you can ofc also include older smosh memories, if you want to 🤗)

oh my god........ im emotional fr. this was so, so, SO much fun and stella, i will speak for EVERYONE you sent these asks to when i say that we are all so grateful to YOU for organizing it. you brought the community together in such an amazing way, asking us thought-provoking and interesting questions, a lot of which i never would have thought to ask. and yet i got to learn all my mutuals' answers anyway!!! it made me feel like i really got to know everyone, even the people im too scared to start a convo with bc i am a Coward. i love you, we all adore you, thank you SO much, and i cant wait to see where smoshblr goes in the new year now that we are all closer than ever <3<3<3<3<3

okay so...... okay okay okay okay HERE we go. im gonna put it under the cut bc this got SO long but if you want a tl;dr summary, please by all means go check out this video i made at the beginning of the month bc. it sums it up tbh.

making all of my amazing friends: i am literally. an emotional wreck just thinking ab this. anyway. i've already been sappy enough this year (from my christmas presents to my many many personal posts and asks that are just. me talking about how much i love these people), but i would still be remiss if i didn't mention my beautiful, wonderful friends. im not gonna tag them all here - it'd be too many and you all know who you are <3<3<3 - but to everyone i've dmed for hours on end, or talked to in replies, or mutuals i've never even spoken to at all, or anons who come into my askbox and just have the most wonderful interactions with me, i am so, so eternally grateful. i made new friends; i reconnected with one of my best friends in the WHOLE world; i met some people who i never would have spoken to otherwise and found such an incredible community. i love you all so so SO much (yes ALL of you even if you think im not talking ab you if you're reading this i AM), and i am so excited to see what happens with all of us next. love you all. mwah. <3

domo day/my birthday: oh my god. OHHHH my god. literally the fic that brought me back to this fandom. i am not crying its fine im FINE. domo - aka dancing on my own - was a passion project from the very start. i thought, 'well, no one will wanna read this niche lil fic that im writing just to deal with My very personal trauma about an rpf ship that no one cares about.' (mind you i started it before i even posted right side, so, like, i literally thought it was just me standing on a deserted island.) and then five or six months later... there we were. i posted it on my birthday (bc i Live for drama !) and god. the amount of love and support i got that day was... everything to me. when i said this was a passion project, i mean that it was truly one of the first things i sat down and wrote For Myself, without giving a fuck what anyone else would think. it was something i poured my heart and soul into because i needed to read it. and when other people started to reach out - telling me how much they related, how much they got from it, how much it meant to them. then there was the analyses of it from everyone,,,, not to mention the birthday love. my birthday is a HUGE thing for me, and, as i told you at the time, you were the very first person to wish me a happy birthday stella (with that incredible moodboard that i think of frequently........ the rat.........). and then kit went and published bad idea and gifted it to ME which was such an incredible and treasured gesture and... truly some of my irls forgot to wish me a happy birthday so. im just so honored and i love you all so much. thank you for loving me and my dearest darling daughter domo <333333

shaynse day: this literally isn't even about me, it's honestly about nat, but this changed my brain chemistry and i think everybody's tbh. it was the way that the MOMENT the love is blind video dropped, we all gathered around my blog to hold hands, sing kumbaya, and all hail the shaynse anon (aka now shaynse founder nat). they had their third eye OPEN. and everyone had to come check on them to make sure they were okay. that meant so much to me. not only did it mean that enough people were reading my blog that an anon had their own niche subset of a fan base, but it was truly like. one of the best displays of fandom togetherness i've ever seen. we were all so united that day. god bless november 19th, aka shaynse day, my FAVORITE national holiday.

gedits: i really Dont think i have to explain this one. this is one of my favorite bits (but also its not really a bit and i genuinely wanna fuck that old man). making thirst traps for garrett? oh my god. stroke of actual genius. once again another day we all came together, held hands, and decided we were ALL gonna be garrett fuckers. long live gedits. they will never stop and im NOT sorry about it.

the bsf fan art: i have literally never had fan art made for my fic before...... i screamed and cried and threw up when someone made fan art for the bed-sharing fic. furry-jackson is my hero and this fan art lives in my mind RENT FUCKING FREE. it truly imprinted itself on my brain and i think about it all the time. thanks so much to them for loving i could be the reason as much as i do <3333

the top ten dynamics poll: !!!!! my baby!!!! i truly thank you all so much for indulging me by voting in that silly lil poll. it was so SO interesting to see the way the dynamics stacked up. not to mention, it also got me into gif-making again!! that was the first time i'd made gifs in ages, especially gifs i was proud of. but i love that silly lil gif series so much, one of my favorite projects of the year, so thank you all <3

smoshblr december asks: i mean. i said it all up top, but it's worth mentioning again. this was so, so, SO much fun, and it must have been such hard work for you, and i am honored that you did all this work for US of all people when you are so busy and talented and working so hard just in like. YOUR LIFE. honestly, this whole section could just be called 'stella,' bc i am so, so grateful for you especially coming into my life this year. whether we're working together on fic or just chatting about our lives or shouting back and forth about why EVERY taylor swift song is in fact a spommy song, i am just so lucky to have you and i love you so, so much. you always tolerate my shenanigans and i am SO incredibly lucky to have you as a friend. anyway. yeah i love you and smoshblr december asks so there.

[mushroom-trafficking]

bing bong ask meme tell me about them please

Benji 1, 18, 39

Max 2, 12, 23

Archie 13, 17, 28

Putting this one under a cut!

Benji:

1. What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

“Rarely is there truly ever nothing to do. There is always something I can busy myself with. The only thing I dislike more than boredom is wasted time. Any time not utilised is time wasted. I can barely withstand five minutes without engaging in something.”

18. What embarrasses them?

“Oh. Wouldn’t you like to know.”

It actually takes quite a lot to embarrass him. Usually he’s the one embarrassing others because of this. It took him long enough to get over embarrassment to just wear the clothes he enjoys so he tried to not let anything get in the way of what he enjoys. The worst thing you can do however is be direct with him, he’s very flowery and indirect about things if you get what I mean. Calling him out on his bullshit works wonders too.

39. How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people? 

“Name me someone who isn’t flawed! We’re all just trying to get by and do what we can, hard to be perfect when around every corner is someone trying to ruin your day.”

The answer is INCREDIBLY easily. He’s no saint himself. He’ll readily ignore quite glaring issues if you help him with whatever it is he wants done. Besides openly flawed people have no right to judge when they’re also working with a flawed idiot.

Max:

2. How easy is it for your character to laugh?

“Eh, not a lot of people are actually that funny.”

Max tends to steer towards dark humour as a coping thing, but not a lot of people find that shit funny. He rarely lets down his guard enough to enjoy the humour of those around him. It’s usually something really daft will get him going. Ya’know like when you send your Dad a funny animal video and he’s crying with laughter when it’s not really that funny? That kinda thing. Once you find that niche you’re in.

12. How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?

“Sometimes if I’m lucky the mutt can sort it out, but not always. I gotta be careful on account o’ the whole, ya’know, claw situation. I shredded a shirt once trying to get to a spot on my back. Not my… Proudest moment.”

Max’s death is able to touch him at times, not constantly, but enough. Sometimes he gets lucky and it can sort it out for him! Personal back scratcher! Though if that won’t work he sometimes just fucking rolls around like a damn dog if no one else is around. Catch him rubbing himself on a tree like a bear and watch him run faster than you’ve ever seen in your entire life.

23. How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)? 

“I’ve started tryin’ to just go after the shit I want. I’ve spent long enough not getting what I want from life I think I’m deservin’ of shit finally going my way for a change.”

Envy itself isn’t something Max struggles with often. He’s a former rich kid so he knows how the other half have lived and he’s pretty much over it at this point. Though he is incredibly resentful overall, he’s got a lot of unlearn and get over.

Archie:

13. What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

“Oh, uh. Hmmmm. BEST? Oh man, that’s hard. I like most colours pretty equally… It’s so hard to pick a favourite… My Ma always said I look good in white… But I think everyone looks good in white! It’s WHITE! Hm. I think. I think it’s gotta be between turquoise or burgundy! But I don’t have much of either at the moment sadly…”

Archie hasn’t really been allowed to explore his options much fashion wise. But now he’s loose on the town there’s nothing stopping him from trying out new styles! He does struggle with picking a favourite colour though, his ideal thing to wear would be one of those colour block jumpers where each part is a different, bright colour.

17. Are they easily embarrassed?

“N…No… (10 second pause) Okay. Yes. I never used to get this flustered back home but out here in the dust it’s… A bit more. Intimidating. I know the wings are a lot but c’mon!! Quit staring!!”

The youngest of three Archie actually had a pretty thick skin back home. Especially being of demonic descent, people get pretty judgy. But that quickly faded getting out into the real world. With any luck he’ll build it back up over time once he’s a bit more used to it out in Red West.

28. Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth? 

“The truth is ALWAYS the best option!!”

Dealing with the ramifications of certain withheld truths, Archie wants nothing but the honest truth. Even if it hurts. Though it’s quickly becoming apparent that the truth is not something post people enjoy sharing around here. Archie only believes in lying for the bit.

[bedtimestoriesforbrokengirls]

The Daily Dad

Things you might want to know, for Dec 19, 2023:

23andMe confirms hackers stole ancestry data on 6.9 million users — It’s probably too late and my warnings are pointless, but please kids… don’t give something as valuable as your DNA to a for-profit company that views security as a cost-center. It’s not just the millions of 23andMe suckerscustomers who have lost control of their genetic identity… their family members are compromised, too. Maybe it’s just me, but finding out you’re actually 8% Neanderthal isn’t worth giving the Russian mob the blueprints to your ancestry.

COMIXOLOGY, RIP — I was there at the start, with my little iPhone 3GS, ready to plow through a digital comic collection in Guided View mode. I was certain Comixology was going to save the comics business, and revitalize the audience. Now here we are at the end, nothing has been achieved, and a decade of progress has disappeared into the Kndle app, never to be seen again. Fucking A.

Using the iPad Pro as a Portable Monitor for My Nintendo Switch with Orion, a Capture Card, and a Battery Pack — Okay, I eat this kind of shit up. It’s absurd on a practical level, but it’s the kind of thing I’m likely to try, just for the hell of it.

Here’s what intentionally crashing a plane for YouTube clicks gets you — To paraphrase Robin Williams: the ability to crash a plane for attention is God’s way of telling you that you’re making too much money.

Facebook Messenger Rolls Out End-to-End Encryption by Default — About fucking time, Zuck. I guess he figures the petabytes of pre-E2E conversations that they can use to train their LLM will suffice, so it’s time to let the peasants have their privacy.

Noah Hawley: How 'Twin Peaks' Influenced My Work — If you were between 16 and 30 in 1990 and had any sort of creative impulse, Twin Peaks influenced your work.

What Did It Mean That Howard the Duck Was Trapped 'in a World He Never Made'? — The ‘80s movie and modern MCU cameos don’t do justice to the comic book Howard of the 1970s. He was dark and weird and absurd and (?) sexy and grown-up in a way that other comics on the spinner rack hadn’t been in decades, and I was enthralled.

The use and misuse of evolutionary psychology in online manosphere communities: The case of female mating strategies

The Bizarre Cottage Industry of YouTube Obituary Pirates

Warner Bros. Reverses Course on 'Coyote vs. Acme' After Filmmakers Rebel

‘Now and Then,’ the Beatles’ Last Song, Is Here, Thanks to Peter Jackson’s AI — The song is very good, and the technical skill and care that went into its recovery is just as interesting. The video is just goofy fun, very much in keeping with The Beatles pre-breakup sensibilties. Overall, a delightful and unexpected treat in a year that was full of absolute bullshit.

Apple Now Selling Standalone USB-C AirPods Pro Case for $99

Texas sues Pfizer with COVID anti-vax argument that is pure stupid — I feel like most headlines featuring “Texas” or “anti-vax” should always include “pure stupid” as well.

How TV Executives Ruined Everything

Humane Debuts $700 AI Pin With 'Laser Ink Display' — Do I think this will be a success? No. It’s too niche and weird. But as a signal of life beyond the smartphone, it’s an intriguing development.

DAK and the Golden Age of Gadget Catalogs — As a household, we didn’t receive a ton of mail as a kid… we saw only a fraction of the junk that hits my physical mailbox these days. But every few months, the DAK catalog would arrive, and I knew I was in for at least a night or two of nerdy, consumerist joy. Page after page of discontinued, misconfigured, or too-oddball-for-the-general-market gadgets were waiting to tempt me with deep discounts on things no one really needed. Sheer bliss, I tell you.

How to Stop Your Kids From Ruining Your Apple Music Recommendations

Prince's Purple Rain puffy shirt is up for auction — You’ve gotta figure Prince’s clothes would fit an American Girl doll.

Audible's Moriarty podcast understands what makes Arthur Conan Doyle's arch-villain survive

The Real Reason You (Still) Watch Reality TV

[thesolemnhour]

What about ♡: Accidentally falling asleep together for Agria and Woljif?

great minds think alike @gutterspeak! ❤️❤️

CW: The Mercy sidequest in Act IV, Latverk is a capital c Creep

Latverk was… an uncommon horror, even for the Abyss. Please, won’t you help those girls? He begged. Send them to me—I can help them.

Agria had opened her mouth to—she’s not really sure what she had meant to say, looking back. Placate him? Agree? But something had stopped her dead in her tracks. Something cold had opened up in the pit of her stomach, a sense of overpowering dread. And Agria hadn’t known that man from Aroden, could never have guessed what was wrong with him, but… she knew exactly what that feeling meant. Every young woman does, she imagines, but aasimar girls would do very well indeed never to ignore that gnawing unease. 

She can still picture her mother’s face the first time someone had asked for a lock of Agria’s hair.

It’s all in the past now. 

They can’t stay at the Nexus for long. There's only enough time for the briefest of reprieves. There’s just too much to do. She has to go back out into that gods-forsaken city; she knows she does. She just doesn’t know if she has the strength.

Agria lays on her back, staring at the cave ceiling and desperately imagining the way the stars looked back home. She traces the shapes of the familiar constellations with her eyes. She could still see some of them even in Alushinyyra, but they were alien, wrong, placed at strange angles and pointed in wrong directions. Picturing the Cosmic Caravan--her Cosmic Caravan, Aunt Dalla’s, not another mockery this place makes of something dear to her—makes her so homesick that her chest squeezes with the weight of it.

Lost in thought, she never notices one of her companions joining her.

When she turns her head languidly away from the ceiling, she finds one Woljif Jefto assessing her intently. The look is—concerned, and not in the way his looks once were. It doesn’t say, ‘Does my only ticket out of here really have what it takes to get the job done?’ She knows what that feeling looks like even more acutely than she knew Latverk’s hunger. His distress is not clinical; it looks ready to crawl up his throat and suffocate him.

He’s worried about her. They hold eye contact for long enough for her to realize he has no idea how to ask her if she is okay.

“Tell me—“ She begins, but the words catch before she can finish. For a moment, she doesn’t want to live in their horrifying present; she wants to think of a beautiful future. Flicking her eyes back to her imaginary stars, she continues, “Tell me about what you’ll do once we get out of here.”

If he is surprised by stubborn avoidance of the elephant in the room, he doesn’t show it.

“Fight more demons, looks like.” When Agria heaves a most beleaguered sigh, he continues, “I dunno! I’ve never had options before.”

She abandons the cave ceiling—her misbegotten imagination—to roll onto her stomach and face him directly. “Yes, but it could be exciting! You could do anything you ever wanted to do.”

“Eh… You know how it is,” he drawls. For tieflings, he means but doesn’t say. “You don’t wanna get too hung up something somebody could take away in a second.”

“Live in the dream with me, just for a minute.”

“Maybe I could… start that magic shop? Seems like we’ve already got a decent start on the merchandise.”

Agria nods enthusiastically, “There’s an open niche for jewelers now that Sunhammer is gone. You could Fyllemen out of business.”

“Wouldn’t that be a sight?” He asks with a laugh. “Then he’d be the one sneakin’ in to see my stuff.”

“I like it,” she says approvingly, “but we could think even bigger, too.”

“Bigger like what?”

“Well… What’s something you always wished Kenabres had but never did?”

Woljif is quiet for a moment, lost in thought. His eyes dart away from her, but she can see the look in them all the same. “What, like start a charity or something? You really think I could do that?”

“Yes,” she insists softly. “Isn’t that the point of all of this? To make things better?”

“Well, sure, chief, but not even you can fix all of Mendev’s woes.”

“No, not me,” she agrees, “but I think we could get a damn good head start on them.”

“Whatever you say,” he snorts, but his eyes are soft. “How about you?”

“Hm?”

“What are you gonna do once we get outta here?”

Agria hums in thought, picking at a nail thoughtfully. “I’ll finally work up the nerve to go to Ustalav—“

Woljif stops her with a feigned wretch, “Ustalav? Your grand dream if you get out of here is to go… to Ustalav?”

“I almost went once, but I was too afraid to go by myself. I keep hoping I’ll meet someone who can tell me how to move around there without--stepping on anyone’s toes.”

“Why?” He asks, bewildered.

“A lot of the Old Sarkorians fled there! I think that their descendants might have interesting things to say.”

“Ustalav. You might as well just stay here!”

“No,” says Agria, voice firm and optimistic. “It will be fun. I will enjoy it.”

Woljif scoffs, “After this? Someone oughta take you somewhere nice.”

“I invite you to it!” Agria chirps, thoroughly delighted by the opportunity to flirt shamelessly. 

He barks a laugh, as genuinely amused as he is nervous. He surprises her, though; he rises fearlessly to her challenge: “We should hit the beach! Folks say Augustana is nice in the spring.”

She gazes at him, arms tucked under her pillow, as he props himself up onto his side, both of them lost in the joy of the fantasy. The moment is impossibly soft for a cavern in the Midnight Isles.

“It’s a date,” she declares, offering her hand to shake on it. She is embarrassingly hesitant to let go. When she finally does, she returns it under the pillow where she squeezes it for a moment with her other hand. The relief of the moment fades away when she says somberly, “We have to go back there.”

“Of course,” he says in a placating tone that she recognizes as her own, one she has used on him one too many times. “We’ll get back out there in just a minute. But for now, we’re takin’ a break. Just give it a few minutes more, huh?”

“Okay,” Agria answers to find she can’t raise her voice above a whisper, as she lowers her head into her pillow. It couldn’t hurt to rest for just a minute, could it? She feels a curl wander haphazardly onto her forehead. She blows air at it for a moment, determined to clear it without needing to open her eyes, before she feels a fingertip tuck it gently behind her ear.

“Okay.” Woljif whispers back emphatically. She drifts away into a dreamless sleep only seconds after the word leaves his lips.