#plot twist it’s neither they just pick whichever one they want

[myrabbitistrying2killme]

“Bla bla bla bla xyz is only done by MENTALLY ILL people and therefore INVALID” well maybe if you fucking saw us as people-

[equestrianwritingsstuff]

a redo or sequal to my previous ask where the prince isnt arrogant or an asshole and the knight never rejects him?

I apologize for not realizing that you wanted the prince to be humble and that the knight wasn't suppose to regect him. I just did not pick up on that when you messaged me about the story, so I am sorry.

However, I am not redoing the story because I spent a couple hours on it and put some effort into it and also I have a plan to "redeem" him from his arrogant qualities.

And finally to the anon who I know is not an anon. Yes, I know who you are just by how you asked for it. Correct me if I'm wrong.

@chicken0mcnugget I am including some of those oh so wonderful plot twists we thought of, so please make time in your day to read this (if you can of course, i know you're busy).

Anyway, enjoy.

Oh yeah, not edited. Sorry, I want to try to write at least half of another ask tonight.

The Knight and the Prince Part 2

Part 1

Warnings: aftermath of rejection, ambush, arguing, kidnapping, kicked by horse, implied broken hand, magic

~

A shocked chorus of gasps followed the knight's unexpected rejection, but perhaps the loudest astonished voice came from the cracked throat of the prince.

"What?!" He exclaimed, gasping slightly. Or was that due to the fact that he was trying not to cry?

"Yeah," the knight crossed her arms, leaning her weight to one leg. "You heard me. No."

"You'll be arrested for this," the prince threatened, standing up. His face was a pure mixture of anger and loathing, blue hair dangled into his gray eyes.

"Great way to foster a relationship," the knight clapped her hands mockingly.

"Just wait until he get home," the prince growled before turning around to receive his uneasy praise.

After the unruly clapping was done, the prince was given a wreath made of flowers and grapevine. He took them greatfully, a small smile on his face, completely devoid of any emotion- sadness, embarrassment... just pure nothingness other than faux euphoria.

"Thank you! Thank you, for the kindness and acceptance you have shown me King of Neighboring Kingdom and to you, my worthy opponents. It has been a pleasure, but I must return to my kingdom. Good day!" The prince waved to the crowed, trotting leisurely on his horse.

"Why must you go?" A loud voice boomed for the King of Neighboring Kingdom stood up in his seat. "Dine with us! Make yourself comfortable, Champion."

"I'm afraid not," the prince politely turned down the offer. "I apologize for such a short stay, but I must head to my home kingdom."

The prince smiled broadly at the crowd before turning his horse. The smile immediately turned into a sneer the second his charcoal colored irises met the blonde knight's fair face.

The two stared long and deep at each other with such intensity and notion that neither noticed, nor heard, their neighboring king whisper to his nearby captain:

"Get the bag of jewels in the knight's saddlebag and then bring me them along with knight herself. Let this be a lesson to them, no one declines my offer of hospitality, absolutely no one."

The king cleared his throat before continuing,

"Not even the grandest and strongest prince of the century."

《~~》

The duo walked their horses through the forest in silence for a while, until they came upon the welcoming village where they stayed a couple nights before.

"You can't just regect your future king, my knight," the prince scolded, taking on a teacher's mannerism.

The knight didn't respond. Actually, she clucked her horse forward until she was a good few strides ahead.

"Knight ta-"

"Why would I marry someone who only cares about his wife being the prettiest, strongest-"

"No, no, no," the prince shook his head. "That, that's not it whatsoever."

"Then why do you want to marry me. Give me a reason, right now."

"Because I love you."

The knight turned her chestnut mare around, throwing her arms up in the air, and glaring daggers at the prince. "I am," she said. "your bodyguard. We've never went on a date, or even talked about anything other than business. How can you love me when you don't even know who I am?"

"Knight, I-"

"Just stop, Prince," the knight shook her head, tears welling in her eyes. "Just stop, please."

The knight turned her horse back around and asked for a trot.

"Knight!" Called a voice, but the knight ignored the prince's pleas of return.

"Go on a date with me. Right here, right now."

The knight pulled back on the reins, and once again turned the mare around- the mare who had her ears pinned in annoyance.

"Now?" The knight scoffed.

"Yes, now," the prince gave her a flirtatious smile, white and wide. "Please?"

"Mm I-"

An arrow whizzed past the knight's shoulder- obviously trying to miss. The knight quickly drew her own bow and loaded it while the prince got ready with his sword.

"Ambush," the prince whispered earnestly. The knight nodded.

Another arrow flew past the pair, nicking the chestnut Arab's shoulder. The horse spooked, jumping into the stallion. The knight looked down an the wound, not too big and wouldn't require immediate attention.

Then, the raining arrows ceased, leaving the forest in stunned silence. The prince started to lower his sword- an ignorant move- but the knight kept her bow loaded and ready.

Abruptly, a figure crashed into the prince, knocking him off horse who reared in surprise. The knight wheeled her horse around with just her seat, the Arab mare picking up on the danger.

On top of the prince laid a human, a man of burly weight and heavy iron metal. The knight released an arrow, but it bounced harmlessly off his back.

Before the knight had a chance to grab another arrow, arms grappled around her pulling her off the horse.

"Let the prince go!" One of the men holding the knight bellowed. The man reclining on top of the prince chuckled and said,

"Why? He is plushy, like a chair, with all that fat-"

"GET OFF!"

"Okay, okay," the muscular man hopped off and helped the prince to his feet. "Hope that won't bruise," he whispered, ruffling the blue hair on top of the prince's head, laughed once more, and joined his patrol.

Two men held the knight in between their hefty steeds- shires, no doubt, and not the knight's favorite breed.

"Let her go," the prince reached for his sword, but it was quickly kicked away.

"Get the jewels," the man with the booming voice ordered. Two skinny, probably teenaged, boys ran to the chestnut mare and grabbed her reins. The knight watched as her horse reared and striked one of the boys in the hand, who came back hollering, but the other was able to open the saddlebag and retrieve the jewels.

"Perfect." The loud man wrapped the knight's hands with rope and swung her over the chestnut mare's back, tying her wirsts to her ankles.

"Let her go!"

"Let me go!" The knight struggled and struggled, but failed to rip through the ropes. The prince ran towards his love with madness in his eyes, but a swift backhand sent him sprawling to the ground.

"Let's get!" And they all ran off.

《~~》

"Why I am here?" The knight asked as she lazily knelt in front of the king, her hands still bound in front of her. Her demeanor was let's say disappointing to the king. He expected fight and courage, not the saddened girl practically sitting on his red carpet.

"I hate people refusing me," the king quickly explained. "And your prince, well, beating my son just not win a trophy and a one way ticket out of my kingdom. Mm, mm, mm no it does not. So, you, will have to pay."

"Love the monologue sir, but we have an army and in case you didn't realize, the prince kind of is in love with me," the knight retorted, some of her previous energy and smartness returning to her voice and posture.

"Now, now, don't need to get like that;" the king chuckled. "He won't be able to find you. Guards! Take her to the Enchanted Cabin and have the sorcereress put a spell on. Whichever one she deems appropriate."

《~~》

The prince recovered from the blow, groaning as he got to all fours. Squinting through his still muddled vision, he made out his black horse grazing a few feet away. At least he has the heart to stand by me...

The knight.

The prince rushed to the horse and leaped into the saddle- which was horribly ruined for good measure, apparently- and galloped off. He recognized the colors.

Green and pink- the colors of Neighboring Kingdom.

The prince, for once realizing the lack of speed his horse was granted with, pushed him forward. By the time they were on the edge of the territory, the horse was dripping with sweaty lather.

The prince busted through the doors of the castle with his boot, sword clanking against leather chap, as he stormed over to the old man in the throne.

"Where is the knight? Where is she!"

"Locked away in an enchanted cabin. Why, may I ask? Being in there with all the pleasures in the world is most definitely more enjoyable than living the rest of her life with your royal jackass," the king tutted. The prince scowled and ran back out the door, desperation getting to him.

《~~》

Like King of Neighboring Kingdom told the lovestruck prince, the elegant lady was stuck in a world of earthly pleasures- food all over from storage in the walls, sugar off the ceiling. The backroom was expandable as well, leading into a meadow filled with dainty foals and grand stallions.

But the knight, amidst these treasures, was not blissfully exultat like the sorcereress imagined.

"Need anything else, dear. A kitten?" The sorcereress waved her hand and three mewling balls of fur sprouted from her hand.

"I shouldn't have said no, I shouldn't have," the knight whimpered, chastising herself for her arrogance. If she said yes, she wouldn't be lolling in self-pity and would probably find a way to break out.

"You can always say yes," the sorceress tried to reason. She suddenly glanced out the only window and a faint smile appeared on her face. "You will get your chance again," she promised, flicked her fingers, and vanished into thin air.

The knight looked out the window, curious to see what the sorcereress found so interesting, and nearly exclaimed in joy.

The prince, coming to save her.

"Knight!" He yelled.

"Prince!" She squealed back, jumping on her toes.

She reached her hand out to grab his and-

Boom!

The prince was thrown backwards, spiraled through the air, and landed on the forest floor.

Great, just oh so great.

The prince tried again. Once, twice... three times... four... until he gave up, reclining against a tree awkwardly.

"Try the door?" The knight asked, leaning against the windowsill. Even though she could leisurely dangle her arms, the door was still locked even to her.

"No," the prince shook his head. "It is under a magic spell. I-i can't..." he sighed, "It is under a Personified Spell. That means, that the one breaking in has to overcome their greatest fault."

The knight's face dropped, as did the prince's.

"Arrogance," they whispered at the same time. The prince sighed and stood up, walking as close as the mystifying barrier allowed.

"I love you," he said, tears in his eyes, before walking away.

"I love you too," the knight whispered and sunk to floor, crying softly,

"I love you so much."

[slashingdisneypasta]

Mayor Buckman and Granny Boone x Fem!PleasantValleyResident!Reader

Title: Throuple

Notes:

Granny Boone is bisexual and you can’t change my mind. 

This is way too long I’m sorry. My excuse? Its self indulgent that's why and I wrote it over the course of 2 days, both at night time so... 

Pick whichever Buckman you like best. 

Plot: 

Boone and Buckman just care a lot about you! A looooooot, a lot. Like, so much. A colossal amount, really- but you’ve never heard of a ‘throuple’ before.

Warnings: Uhh, polyamory? Sexual harassment, hint towards rape (Not of you or any known characters but still), 2001 Maniacs craziness? Reader might also have a mental illness, I don't know. Its not explicitly stated and I’m just the writer so how would I know? But she is really tired. Laziness in the last written sentence. I haven't edited the last half, so it might be illegible... In the morning I probably will edit. 

~~~

SET: Before the massacre, so everyone is alive except the 2001 Maniacs victims who have yet to be born because this is 1860

“Hey Y/N!” One of the men from table three - was it William or was it Lawrence? I don’t know, whoever-it-is’ voice is too slurred at this point for me to figure. Turning away from the table I was wiping off, I tuck the washcloth into the waistband of my apron and raise an eyebrow vaguely towards the table. “Come over here a moment, wouldja?”

“Why?” Now, usually, I would go over; No question. But its nearly closing time now, and its dark, and men like to get rowdy at this time, and I’ve been burned by that shtick before. Resting my working hands, course and strong, on my hips, I raise my eyebrows.

Put on a cold front and they’ll lose interest. Uh, usually.

“Just wanna get a betta look atcha! Larry here says you got a flat ass, but I got 3 coins on yer plump bottom. Y’ wouldn’t want me losin’ coin, would you?? Come on, now, just stand over here and lemme ‘ave a look-see. Wont even touch!” William, as I can now see, shows off his grotty yellow teeth in a wide grin.

He honestly think’s that crap will fly? He really, truly believes I’ll just submissively walk over to them and bend the fuck over?

What the hell do they take me for? I’m a waitress, not a prostitute.

Instead of snapping at them though I merely sigh, and clap my hands in a finished manner. “Come on boys, time to go home. It’s closing time and my snuggly warm bed’s calling out t’ me. Aren’t yours’? Come on, then!”

Groans and protests are my response, but the long drunk and tired men - they’re here after a long day of work in some mines, - get up and head for the exit to my building despite their complaints. I know neither of them are staying in any of the hotel rooms above, so that’s where they’ll go and that’s where I herd them. Out the saloon doors and down the street. I shoo them all the way, curbing their complaints with ‘Think about lovely dreams’, and ‘You can come back tomorrow for breakfast!’. Once we’ve gotten to the door, I wave them off, dish cloth in hand. “Goodnight boys, see you in the morn- Ah!” A high-pitched shriek comes out of me and is released into the cold night-time air in a puff of visible gas in the lamp light as I whip around. Someone pinched my-

“Theodore.” I gasp, eyebrows furrowed as I use my fists to cover my ass as I look up defensively at the tall, roguish looking man. I thought he left hours ago!

How dare he-

“Definitely plump / flat, boys!” He calls out to the two that are heading down the street, receiving raised hands in goodbye and laughs in response. Probably disgusting comments, too, but the mix of how far away their retreating backs are becoming, and the alcohol in their systems making their words blur together like flour and eggs mean that I thankfully don’t hear them with any sort of clarity. Theodore looks back down at me and smirks. “You said something about a warm snuggly bed, Miss?”

“Yes. Yours is a couple blocks from here. Be free to go forth, right now.” I roll my eyes, slipping around him so he’s closer to the door. He twists around and runs a hand through his greasy hair that’s far too long, and would be fair if he ever let water touch it. Good lord man, go see Al the barber and maybe you’ll learn some manners along the way.

“Aw, are you mad at me now Y/N?”

“Just cross.”

“I know a fun way we could work through those passionate feelin’s together, darlin’- “

Another voice joins the fray, just as I’m worrying if Theodore will ever actually leave, or more seriously- If he will ever actually pull through with the comments like that that he always makes towards me. “Oh, what’s that?”

Theodore and I look out to the street immediately to see who’s interrupted him. Who, with such a high and feminine voice, has had the audacity. Who, has become simultaneously his annoyance, and my saving grace.

My eyes land on Boone, and a grin makes its way over my lips. She looks cross herself, hands on her hips, shoulders anchored towards Theodore in a way a mother might look at her son when she is…

Totally pissed off.

I waive my dish cloth at her from behind Theodore. “Good evening, Boone!”

She doesn’t so much as say anything back, just glances at me and then back at the problem- Theodore. Oh man, if I were him I’d be backing off now. Boone scares everyone, me included. Not that I have to worry, she’s made it clear that she cares about me.  

… A little too much, but still. That’s neither here nor there right now. I’m glad she’s here!

“I think I heard some unsanitary comments comin’ from you, Mr Miller. At least I hope they were just comments. Why don’t you go on and apologise to our deserving waitress Miss L/N, before I let the Mayor know what you’re up to here. I believe he warned your ass last time we caught you cornering her.” Boone’s eyes darken on him and I wonder if I could slip off to the side and clean off the last table; the one William and Lawrence were at previously, so I can retire sooner. She’s got this all under control, if I know her.

But then Theodore just rolls his shoulders back, and the air around him seems to still. “You know, Miss Boone, I never see either you or our esteemed mayor every kickin’ up such a damn fuss over anyone else in this town. I mean, shit. I had some devilish fun with Miss Lyla the other day and you didn’t do nothin’!” A smirk slowly rolls over his mouth as he looks back at me for a moment, caging me in those dark, weaselly eyes for a moment. Oh, crap.

Boone, though, doesn’t even bat an eye.

But before she can say another word, yet another familiar voice calls from the shadows. I look down the path the way Boone was headed down before she heard Theodore and I and stopped by, to see Buckman walking down towards her. What are these two doing taking walks at 11 at night for, anyway? Why aren’t they together?? Seems a bit choreographed, to me. Let me just add that to all the reasons they creep me out.

Now, our Mayor is shorter than Theodore, who is much like a weasel in that he’s skinny, smelly and long, but that doesn’t make him an any less intimidating presence against him. Even with cheer in his eyes and his hands carefully in his pockets, its always been clear from the get-go, that he’s a force to be reckoned with. Its something about the way he holds all of his emotions inside, I’ve always thought. Mixed with the knowledge that he’s fought in a war.

It’s why we voted for him.

“Oh, uh, Mr Mayor.” Theodore swallows down a gulp of spit, stepping forward out of my saloon, finally. “Sir!” I take a deep breath and let it out, relieved, going straight to the doors and wedging myself between them; blocking him from coming back in and ready to shut the doors again as soon as I can. I don’t want Theodore coming back in, but I also don’t want to be left alone with either of these two nutters’, either.

Oh, by ‘nutters’, I mean ‘pillars of the community’… Mostly, I mean that. Uh, half.

Okay fine, they’re nuts.

“Mayor,” I greet, inclining my head for a moment politely.

“Evenin’ Y/N! I hope you’re not having too much trouble with this one.” Buckman immediately flashes me a bright, election winning smile. A real one. Like he always does when he see’s me.

“Well, he was. But I think Boones got it covered.” I grin back, unable to help it. He’s very charismatic!

Boone’s expression softens a bit and she relaxes her stance, giving me a little smile. “Thank you dear.”

“I’m sure she does.” Buckman agrees, and then they share a smile between them, and I look down at Theodore on the bottom step that leads to my saloon. Oh Jesus Christ, if he had suspicions before, then they are just growing now. This is just what I need!

I haven’t done anything, Theodore!! I promise!

Which is not to say I haven’t received countless offers, but I don’t need to be even thinking about that. Seeing as I declined. 

“Now, why don’t you head on home Theodore.” Buckman drops his nose to look up at Theodore with a little bit more menace and severity. “You’ve overstayed your welcome.”

“Good night sir! Boone, Y/N.” Finally, Theodore looks back over his shoulder at me, and then makes a break for it down the road past Boone. She gives him a stink eye for as long as she can before losing interest.  

And then its just me, Boone and Buckman in the stillness of the night.

And I wish I’d run off like Theodore.

“Well! Good night ya’ll! I got an early day tomorrow, so- “ I try to escape by weaving an excuse and locking the doors behind me, but it it’s not 2 minutes later when the only other set of key’s for this building stick into the lock, turn, and they walk on into my saloon. I sigh, now behind the counter washing cups.

Of course. He’s the mayor. Of course, they have keys.

Looking up at the ceiling, I pray for an easy time of it tonight. Please, let them be tired from their daily duties and they’ll go home soon.

I continue to wash glasses and plates and put them away, but I don’t get too far before Boone’s gone right ahead and helped herself to my special ‘only me’ area -behind the counter of my saloon,- and turns me around by the shoulders to look at me. “He didn’t touch you, did he?”

I sigh, and tell her. “No. I’m fine. You shouldn’t worry for me.” She really shouldn’t, not in the way she does. She has a husband.

The part where he didn’t touch me is obviously incorrect, but I better not mention that to these two.

“Even so, we do worry darlin’. Come on, sit down for a bit. Give us some peace of mind, at least.” Buckman, immediately on the other side of the counter, asks and I sigh. I’ve learnt, that if I don’t comply, then they’ll never leave. And besides, the things they ask of me are never bad. Just, sit down and talk with them. Play cards. Have a drink. Generally, just lovely things like that.

It’s the intent behind them that concerns me.

“Yes. I’ll go and get you some water.” Boone says with a No-‘If’s’-or-‘Buts’-about-it kind of tone, and I try to open my mouth and protest against that, but she’s already guiding me around the bench. When we reach the end, she deposits me with her mayoral husband, and he leads me the rest of the way to a table. I sit down, sighing simultaneously and he sits down next to me. “I’ll wash the glass; Don’t you worry about that!”

“That’s… “I blow air into one of my cheeks and blow out gradually. “… Not what I’m worried about… “

“Now, he didn’t do anything nasty, did he? He certainly had the intention.”

I shake my head and set my hands in my lap. I want to tell them what he did, I really do. I don’t know why, but I always want to tell them things.

But I retain the believe that I can’t. I shouldn’t be that close with either of them. “No, sir, I’m fine, really! That’s not even as bad as some other men get at this time of night, anyway. I could have handled- “A moment after I’ve admitted the fact that other men have been worse than what Theodore just suggested to me, I pause. And peer guiltily up at Boone instead of Buckman as she hands me the water she promised and then sits down on the other side of me. “… I haven’t helped my case, have I?”

“No.” She laughs.

Maybe I do need this water.

I take a sip and look at neither of them, instead settling my focus on this glass of water and the far wall. I really need to repaint that wall…

While I do this, and they talk to each other about their day, I ponder my situation.

Now, I… I don’t consider myself a judgemental person. I don’t care what any folks do behind closed doors, in their bedrooms. Man and woman, woman and woman, man and man. But I am damn sure that it is only supposed to include 2 people. I’ve never heard of couples that are more then that, unless you count cults and I don’t.

So, it’s not that I don’t care for them both. Not at all. Its that I can’t be with them both, like they’ve asked, like they want. I can’t.

I’d like to be that open minded, I would, but… I just can’t picture it.

___TIME SKIP: Modern Day___

Since they arrived, I’ve been peering a little too long to be polite at a few of the newest group of victims. I’m a little worried that they’ve noticed, but I’m also really curious. I just can’t tell who is a couple and who isn’t. There is a particular group of 3, that’s throwing me off. I definitely saw the blonde one kiss the ginger one, but then I also swear saw the ginger one and the brunette ones holding hands. Could that just be a friendly thing? It had a pretty intimate feel, to me.

Now, I stand on the porch of my saloon, leaning my forearms onto the railing as I watch them. Buckman’s still with them, along with half- no, the rest of the town, remaining town I should say, inviting to the annual ‘guts and glory jubilee’. At this point, I really don’t get why any of these kids stay. Maybe it’s just because I know what going to happen to them.

Or maybe, its because this generation of kids are morons.

‘Guts and Glory Jubilee’? I mean, really? At first it was clever, but it was only a temporary name for the trap. And now its been a hundred years and its still called the same thing, and my saloon’s always full with disrespectful modern teenagers and my friends acting like loons to keep them there, and the kids aren’t getting any brighter. Too blinded by the way us Pleasant Valley women dress, and the inviting way we all -men and women alike, - smile, and laugh. They’re none the wiser to our plot.

Like I said, Morons.

As I’m watching the usual show on Buckman explaining with bright theatrics what a fun time it’ll be and how they should stay, as our honoured guests, I catch the eye of one of those guests. The blonde one from before, that kissed the ginger one. They smile through the awkward, accidental eye contact, and I paste on a smile back- too old and too tired to care about the awkwardness. I keep the contact until the moment they look away, honestly too tired to look away first.

I just want to go.

Where everyone else did. My parents, my fiancé, my… god, even my fucking cat… Where they went. Before we were massacred. Heaven, or hell, or wherever the hell we go after real, no consciousness death. Where we can’t, until 2001 of these dumbass teenagers die.

I just have to hold on a little longer.

A little while later, they agreed to stay and I went off into my saloon, ready to great them and serve them drinks. And clean tables, and fight off bastards trying to get a drunken feel, and snap back at rude ass, degrading miscreants who think I’ll just stand by and let them call me names.

Which is what I’m busy with now, as I dry off a now clean glass, ready to be filled with my sub-par rum again. A loud, brutish call of ‘Hey, any fucking rum left? Waitress!’ interrupts my quieter, calmer thoughts of fantasising about seeing my family again right after the saloon doors absolutely slam open. I whip around and am ready to have Jonathon, the only man in this saloon that I even remotely enjoy the company of and my only employee, kick the bastard out when my voice escapes me. Instead, I roll my eyes in utter frustrated and groan. This is just what I need.

“Theodore, what have I told you about calling me waitress?! You know my name.” I exclaim through grit teeth, throwing my now damp dishcloth onto the bench with vigour, causing a couple boys at the bar to reel back with a few irritating, obnoxious ‘Oooh’s. Theodore slowly smirks in that easy way that he does, and drops down in the bench across from where I’m standing. “Yes, we have the revolting drink you love. You know, we have rum. You basically live here!” I throw him a greasy with my eyes. “Which reminds me, I’ve been meaning to ask you; Do you have a home?? Because I’d be happy to send you off with a weeks’ worth of rum if it means I’ll get some peace and quiet from you for that time!”

“Naw, baby, I come here for your company. If you came home with me for a week, that’d be a different story. I’d stay away easy! Just stay… in bed… with you.” He winks.  

Dropping the ferocity in my body language for a moment, I just deadpan at him. “You disgust me.”

“In the best way.” Theodore grins, then leans into the bar, evidently done with teasing me for now, if his serious expression tells me anything. “Anyway,” He starts, sounding exhausted now as his hair droops around his face and the smile officially leaves his eyes. “Drink?”

Because it’s my job, and because standing near a quiet Theodore is a welcome alternative then trying to make conversation with the teenage boys down the left side of the bar who ‘Ooh’ed me earlier, I pat the bar and grumpily head off for the rum and a glass. “Coming right up.”

While I do that, Boone and Buckman; The nutters, the pillars of the community, the mayoral couple and the banes of my existence, come into the saloon and take the table by the door. I ignore them though, pulling my own stool out from under my side of the bench and sitting down across from Theodore, pouring him his drink and sliding it to him. Jonathon can handle the rush for a few tiny minutes, while I sit for a second. “Thank you, darlin’.”

I don’t say anything back, because I don’t like to extend pleasantries to him of all people. Instead, I look around the room and do my usual assessment. The room’s loud, and full of people -Boone and Buckman took the last unoccupied table, and Theodore took the last stool, -, acting loud and having butt loads of fake fun. I don’t really care about that though; all I care about is that in a moment I’m going to have to get up and ask around for any more orders and clean some more cups and plates. For a second, I let my shoulders relax and I rest my hands on the bar in front of me. Strong, work woman’s hands.

“You noticed the ‘throuple’ in the new group?”

Oh, Theodore is still talking to me.

Joy.

“Huh?” I look up from my hands to meet his eyes momentarily, raising my eyebrows at him. What did he say?

“The throuple, that’s what they called it when I asked ‘em.” He smirks for a moment. “It’s a relationship between 3 people.”

“Why do I care? That sounds like their business.” I sniff, then wipe under my nose a moment and then move to fixing my apron over my chest. It had slid to the side while I was working, it seems.

For a glorious moment, he doesn’t respond. He just stays quiet, and I think how lovely his company is when he’s on the other side of the bar and is quiet.

Then I look up at him, still with my eyebrows up my forehead, and see he’s looking straight into my soul. A knowing, mischievous grin on his lips. Its as if he ironed it in that way, all creases and wrinkles on his face from smiling so much in his life.

But I know what he’s insinuating.

It’s a different world out there now, that’s apparently allowed. It happens. Romantic relationships between more then 2 people. Maybe I should reconsider my answer, to Boone and Buckman. Maybe it would work.

That’s what Theodore is saying with this look that is so annoyingly painted on his face.

And to that, I say fuck off.

Or I would, if I wasn’t a good, Christian lady.

Instead I shrug my shoulders at him and head off to check the tables. “It’s a whole new world out there!” I call back, successfully, hopefully, ending the conversation.

Where does he even get off making suggestions like that to me- he shouldn’t even be that sure of what was happening -what they were, or are still, trying to make happen, - to mention it to me in such a forward manner. I definitely didn’t tell anyone except my mirror, and my… bathroom sometimes… but I certainly didn’t say it above a whisper! He couldn’t have heard, even if he was snooping around like the creep he is.

And the other two definitely wouldn’t have said anything. They despise Theodore Miller even more then I do.

He must just be smart.

… huh.

Who knew? Theodore has a brain and not just a penis under that grease, sweat and soot covered flesh.

Like a coward, I hit every other table in the room before I get the one by the door. They obviously can tell that I’m trying to avoid them, because saloon procedure is obvious to get to the table that was most recently filled as soon as possible before any others, but I don’t really care. If Theodore and I noticed the, uh, ‘throuple’, then the mayor and his wife, definitely, did. And I’m dreading the conversation that is about to occur.

When I do, finally, start heading towards Boone and Buckman’s table, I notice Theodore turning around in his seat to drink and watch the scene.

With his knees spread wide like a heathen. Ugh! Not in my establishment. Before I get to the table, I show him my middle finger and he turns around, chuckling to himself.

Okay. I take a deep breath, and stop at the dreaded table.

“Good afternoon, Mr Mayor. Mrs Mayor.” I beam, a pasted smile that’s obviously fake. Luckily, because I don’t think I could handle any more embarrassment and pressure right now, and unluckily because I think anyone else’s attention might actually be preferred then these two’s right at any time, no one else is paying attention to see such a grin. “What’ll it be? Today we have beans and bread as the special- like always. “I take out my notepad and pen.

Not because I need them to remember orders, of course. Just to have something to focus on.  

“Good afternoon Y/N, why don’t you sit here with us for a bit? You look bone tired from takin’ care of this lot! It’s a full house today.” Boone asks, even going as far as using her foot to push out the other chair at the table that isn’t taken, for me to prospectively take.

Absolutely not.

“I am exhausted.” I find myself sitting down, instead of leaving like I should have. Immediately on feeling the tension leave my legs, I feel like collapsing onto this table and falling asleep. “Thank you.”

Leaning into my hands for a moment with my eyes closed will have to do. A feel a comforting hand pat my shoulder and it does feel better. “Why don’t you let Jonathon handle business for a little bit- we actually happened to have a talk the other day about him wanting more opportunities to advance. This would be a perfect opportunity for him! And you look warn, sweetheart.”

He shouldn’t call me that.

But it does sound good. Especially coming from Buckman. And with Boone looking so worried about me, too. It feels too nice a place to be, with them, to be wrong. “Uh, well, maybe… “

Then I look up, past Boone’s head and, by complete chance, on the blonde, brunette and ginger that have been the topic of the day…

And all of a sudden, momentary blind panic tears through me.

I jump up from my seat, the chair toppling down onto its back as I stand back on to my exhausted legs. it barely interrupts the volume of the room, so no one else really notices. But I do catch sight of Boone and Buckman’s faces, even more worried and a little bit hurt, before I stutter through an apology and an excuse about having to work, and I rush off back to the safety of my bar. Of course, Boone has been back here before, but I choose to ignore that little fact.

Theodore watches me with wide eyes, as all the tension in my person just grew to level a thousand intensity, as I call Jonathon over and ask him to take his lunch break now.

I don’t need any excuses to go and take my break. One of them, or both of them, might come and ask me if I’m okay. And I’m starting to forget why that’s such a bad thing, but I know there is a reason, and… Jesus Christ, I’ve never been so conflicted.

Because yes, the world outside of Pleasant Valley has come far. Like I said to Theodore, it’s a ‘whole new world’ compared to what it was when we were alive a century and a half ago.

But we’re in Pleasant Valley. And you only have to look around and see how different we dress and talk and move compared to these new present time people and you know; We aren’t part of that whole new world. Boone, Buckman and I don’t fit here.

Maybe if things were different.

Definitely if things were different, actually. I know, if they were, I would be there. I would be all in.

But I’m not and things aren’t different.

___

An hour later, and I’ve calmed down at this point. I still feel exhausted, now because I work so much and because of emotional baggage, but I don’t feel the racing heartbeat that made me sick before or the adrenaline that caused me to run away. So, it’s better… Stable again, at least.

I’ve convinced myself that if I don’t look their way. I can become numb again to the feelings they make in me. Its an idiotic notion, but its kind of the only thing keeping me still right now.

Merciless God, grant me a break. Amen.

The saloon is starting to quieten down for the night, as the light goes away outside and visitors disappear to their rooms -some with a partner they’ve only just met, some alone, some with friends they came with. It’s a big group this time, - upstairs in the hotel part of my building. I’m sitting back down in my stool behind the bench by the time the ‘throuple’-I’m still not sure about that word, - finally, FINALLY, decides to retire up to their room. I bid Jonathon a good night as he went home too, a little earlier to his wife and son, and waived shortly when Theodore pushed drunkenly off the bar and hobbled out the doors.

I lean heavily onto the bar myself, and watch the three go up the stairs together. The brunette’s holding the ginger’s hand now, and the blonde walks ahead of them and holds the key to their room.

After they disappear onto the second floor, I turn to look at who else I need to wait to leave, so I can go to bed myself. Mmm, I’ll take a long hot bath first, and light some candles to go with it. Most importantly, I’ll let my hair out of his too bloody tight ponytail!

“Ah, that’s sounds good.” I mutter, already imagining it as I push off the bench and go collect some plates and glasses that are left out on the tables and wipe them down for the last time today.

“Miss Y/N?” A familiar voice, Boone, calls the softest that I’ve ever heard it from the door. I look around quickly, ribbing the back of my aching neck to see no one else around. Huh, I hadn’t noticed I was alone.

It was nice.

Still, I flash her a tired, half smile. “I’m sorry for earlier.”

“I know. I’m sorry too. We should know at this point not to go so hard on you. You work all day harder than anyone, even Buckman but don’t tell him I said that.” She pauses, walking fully into my saloon and as if it were choreographed, we both sit down together at a table. “Actually, go ahead and tell him. Its true.” I grin despite myself, rolling my shoulders back and then leaning back in the chair- entirely taken over by exhaustion. I don’t even have energy to put up walls. Boone looks at me again and gives me a soft smile. “We want you to know always, that we care deeply for you, and whenever you’re ready you can join us. But… we also don’t want to stress you so much anymore. So, we’ll pull back- a little. If that pussy Miller tries anything on you again he will be dealt with.”

I nod, sighing. But, then again, why doesn’t that make me feel better? They’re going to leave me a bit more alone! I should feel relieved… but I do not. “Thank you.”

“Of course. I hate to see you so pent up.” A devious smirk touches her lips and her eyes. “I mean, I would like to help you with that in a different way then leaving you alone… But I will. Because I love you.”

I take a quick, deep breath. There it is. I never actually thought those actual three words would leave her lips aimed at me. But it’s the most natural thing in the world, tell her. “I love you too.” A wicked beam is my response from her at that.

“Can I hold yer hand?” Boone asks, offering her daintier hand across the table. Trying hard not to glance around for onlookers but failing, I take her hand.

It feels so nice, relieving, to hold it finally.

I take a deep breath, and whisper the next words. I want them out, I want to confide in someone. I’m sick of keeping everything to myself, I’m sick of being all alone. It’s by my own will, of course, but… it still hurts, all the same. “Boone, I-I’m just so… so weary, of everythi- “

Buckman interrupts me, turning up at the door. “Howdy, what’s going on in here?”

Boone ignore him, gathers up her skirts and gets to her feet. When she rounds the table to me, she drops them to the ground in favour of cupping my face in her hands instead. “I know. Why don’t you let go of one thing? Let us hold some of the load, sugar. Please.”

Finally, I can’t tell myself no. And I absolutely can’t tell her no. I glance from her to Buckman who has apparently read the atmosphere and now stands beside Boone. He smiles, like he always does at me. Like he feels it.

God, I want to feel a smile again.

And I lose the strength to do this all on my own anymore. I shakily get up from my seat and throw my arms around (You choose one or both, because I’m lazy and its bedtime for me).

[bladekindeyewear]

Boots Reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 10 - Candy Part 1 again

I was told that finishing the epilogue MAY make me feel better by some with opinions, with some vague hints that the ridiculous start of Candy may have underlying reasons, so now that I’m awake again (though my stomach is roiling a bit again) I’m gonna take another crack at it.

Alright, so I was also hinted that this Candy part ends with a different cliffhanger, so maybe those two will cancel out?  That’s my hope anyway.

Reading page 1 again since I didn’t finish the very tail end of it... alright, so WHY IS ROXY CRYING again????  Was she just PRETENDING that she didn’t know it might turn out bad for John if he went at the end of the last one?  Was there some weird mind-rewriting going on?  Is the crying a symptom of this whole thing potentially being an our!Callie fanfic and she knows what’s being dodged??  Don’t know.

Alright, let’s have him save Gamzee and... is Vriska going to get saved in this version?  Or is that descent into the black hole without seeing what happens her well-deserved comeuppance while only the ghost version of Vriska truly figured out how to be happy?

==>

Dirk acknowledges him when he zaps back, but it’s YOUNG Dirk so hopefully there isn’t any stupid Meat stuff going on.

...Yeah, Gamzee immediately being repentant is weird as shit.  Maybe he Chucklevoodoo’d Callie into escaping him into this whole candied mess so he could start shit, I dunno.  That or this isn’t really Gamzee or someone’s manipulating him or etc etc etc.  The hint I got earlier was that if I thought Calliope wanting to bring Gamzee back and everyone just rolling with it was a little out of character, there are “reasons”, so I’m just going through all of this under the assumption that some emotion-manipulating weirdness is going on regardless.

Oh shit, Gamzee’s going to start recounting his character reasons for doing bad stuff in a surface-hope of justification and understanding.  All the characters immediately recognize how painfully groanworthy this is going to be.

GAMZEE: AnD sUcH iS wHy I’m GrAbBiNg HoLd Of My RePeNtAnCe As FiRm AnD sErIoUs As I wOuLd A wHoRe’S tItTy!

Yeah, that really encapsulates how “serious” all of this is.  And of course, John’s not having any of it.

Yeah, Terezi wouldn’t have any of it either, remotely.

Something feels different, but he can’t put his finger on it.

Hm.  The aforementioned manipulation-weirdness?

==>

Okay, so it’s kind of Dirk who notices something different and is cancelling his stupid villain plans, got it.

Volatility of causality, huh?

(I’m going to be going through these parts a little faster than the Meat section, unsurprisingly.)

==>

Okay, Rose and Kanaya, are we gonna cure her substance abuse or--

With all the distance between them lately,

God damnit, have Dirk’s manipulations extended that far OFFSCREEN or is this legitimate character distancing???? Because either is BAD.  >:(

Right, now that the plot and “relevance” has been sidelined over to a different timeline, Rose can now breathe easy free of her condition.  And whichever parts of her condition were, perhaps, IMPOSED on her.  Fuck.

I’m going to try my fucking best to cling to this, hope I can carry on a memory after this is over that DOESN’T imagine Rose trapped in a fucking existential dying villain coma with a hard fucking cutoff that promises nothing is ever coming to resolve it ever.  (Or Jade in a somewhat-similar sidelined situation, or Jane doomed to fuck herself over and everyone else too, or...)

What’s slipping away instead is the feeling that any of it mattered at all. Was she insane to be so consumed by such lofty concerns, and is she only beginning to experience clarity today, for the first time in ages?

Yeah, you’re no longer in a timeline of Light and relevance.  And that’s not so bad, which is something you never expected to be true given your derision of the concept.  Void is pretty goddamn alright.

--Oh right, the illness and substance abuse probably caused plenty of distance between them.

KANAYA: There Was A Feeling I Couldnt Shake That Something Terrible Was Going To Happen To Us KANAYA: Something That Neither Of Us Could Stop KANAYA: A Powerful Outside Force That Would Take You Away From Me KANAYA: And I Couldnt Stop Myself From Thinking That Maybe KANAYA: Maybe That It Would Be For The Best ROSE: Kanaya... KANAYA: I Can Now See That This Is Completely Ridiculous

For some reason, this doesn’t settle my stomach much?  It’s clear Andrew wove this in here so that if you read Meat first, you’d be able to acknowledge readily how this diverged in a way the characters kind of recognize, and... I’m not sure what I’m even saying.  It’s like there’s hope that this is TRYING to take the bad taste out of my mouth, but I don’t believe it overly much.

ROSE: What a relief, considering that we are both going to be young and magically fit literally forever.

Wait, so they DID find a way to extend their non-ascended friends’ lifespans to practical immortality?  Jane’s Life powers?  Something else?

==>

yay jade.  more extended dave metaphors.  calm down stomach.

JADE: i never thought id be thinking of you as my weird nerd friend by the time we were in our twenties

Heheheh.

DAVE: yeah well i never thought youd be like the premiere woo girl on the planet

Had to look up what a “woo girl” was.

Yes Jade go flirt them to death

What she’s planning isn’t a seduction. It’s a public service.

Pff

(And yeah, she’s being pushy but at least she doesn’t go DIRK FAR about it.)

DAVE: its incredible hes driven at least ten people off the site by creating thinly veiled parody accounts of their usernames

Oh my gosh, Karkat’s good enough to ANDREW HUSSIE them?!???  :D

That’s incredible.

Karkat knows damned well what a husband is. He’s been force-fed enough bad movies from Dave to pick up any human euphemism you could name. He still plays dumb sometimes, for comedic effect, to irritate his friends, or simply to avoid a topic of conversation altogether.

Yeah, it was always pretty clear that about HALF of the trolls pretended not to understand something human that they knew about just for comedic effect and they knew it.  :)

It would be pretty easy to mistake his reaction for arousal, so it’s understandable that Jade is extremely surprised when Karkat snaps his jaw shut and chomps down on her hand.

PFFFFHahahahah :D

And yep, Jane cancelled her run at Dirk’s direction.

DAVE: lets all just thank whichever christ was responsible for making whatever decision resulted in her deciding not to do that

*nod nod*

JADE: well i hope she gets a better hobby JADE: there are a lot of less ominous things she could do with her time KARKAT: WHAT, LIKE FUCKING HER WAY THROUGH HALF THE POPULATION OF EARTH C?

Jade pinches his ear and twists hard, smiling pleasantly.

JADE: get fucked karkat

Yeah, this is about the level of violence/threat I’d expect from Jade when anyone slut-shames her for perfectly acceptable behavior.

==>

There is almost no crime on Earth C, and so almost no one locks their door.

Huh.  I guess post-scarcity might do that.

Alright, we get to see Jane being less of a fuckass.

Dirk was the one person on Earth C who took the state of the locksmith industry with the seriousness it deserved.

Pffff

JAKE: Thats my theory at least. Maybe its tommyrot but i have faith that dirk will be back. After all where is he going to go?

Good question that wasn’t answered in Meat, so of course Jake says it here obliviously.

JAKE: I must admit i am rather half rats at the moment. JANE: You’re what? JAKE: Haha sorry that was a pretty obtuse way of putting it wasnt it. JAKE: What i mean to say is that ive been powdering my hair quite a bit today.

Andrew is SO good at making Jake sound completely incomprehensible.

...Ouch, Jane, don’t drink so hard! D:

The “morbs”??

JAKE: Dirk has that manner about him does he not? JAKE: A way about him that makes you feel like whatever you do as long as it does not involve him it doesnt count for dick.

Yeah, fuck Dirk.

Hm... is the absence of relevance affecting them, or some other manipulation? It’s not just the LACK of Dirk’s manipulation.

JAKE: Except of course for that time when you were under mind control and had me trussed up in your lair as you pontificated villainously about using me as a breeding stud to create a blood lineage for your incumbent corporate space empire.

A fate Dirk seems to agree with, judging by Meat.  Let’s sidestep that fucking entirely, thank you.

...yeah, I didn’t expect Jake’s response to be any less oblivious than exactly that.

==>

So why DID Callie bring Gamzee back, anyway?  Is there some secret use for him in mind?  Was she manipulated into it?  Maybe BY Gamzee?  Hm.

...alright, priestly with followings.  That ain’t good.  Is he aiming for Clown President MK2?

Everything Callie and Roxy have done and said in this Candy section so far seems creepily contrived, possibly by design.

...okay did they have some kind of weird agreement? Like, “okay John is gonna make his choice, and if he chooses to stay i try dating him instead of you, Callie”???  That’s... no that can’t be it.  Roxy’s NEVER acted THIS oblivious before.  What’s she playing at?

GAMZEE: mY fUcKiN *gUy*. :o) JOHN: ... GAMZEE: My DuDe AnD mY nInJa AlIkE. GAMZEE: mY *hOrN* dOoOoG. JOHN: ... GAMZEE: mY hOrN tO tHa MoThErFuCkIn DoG. ;o) JOHN: waiter! help!

I’m imagining Gamzee now as a sweaty and homeless, unkempt Guy Fieri.

Yeah, this doesn’t look like it’ll be fun.

==>

...Swifer Eggmop.  ¬_¬”

There’s a third member of their social group who definitely hasn’t arrived at the conclusion that his power and influence should be meted out responsibly either. Neither of them speak his name, however. For some reason, it feels like a shadow passing over the sun. A brief spike of pain flickers through Rose’s head, a bolt that strikes between her eyes and splinters out. There is color and light behind it. A vision that tears through the material reality in front of her and gives her a brief glimpse into a parallel reality where things are very different.

Yeah, fuck Dirk.

...Pff. Yeah, Rose WOULD mimic the record-scratch gesture.

Don’t invoke “never seeing Vriska again” like that, you’re really tempting fate.

Heh, Rose is finding some Light in the darkness, wanting to do something that’s meaningful on an expressive level with this Vriskgrub business.

Hm... why is my stomach a little less uneasy?

I sure hope it stays that way.

==>

KARKAT: OH MY GOD, ARE THE MECHANICAL GLUTES ON THAT BILLBOARD ACTUALLY PADDED WITH PLUSH TO MAKE THEM MORE LIFELIKE?

Heck Yes

...Yes, touch the butt, Karkat.

Jade, pouting a bit, glides in between them and uses her Space powers to teleport Dave’s phone out from the center of his traumatized palm and into the pocket of her sweater.

Hm!  So she still has teleportation abilities over a limited range even without her Green Sun boost, that’s nice.  :D

After all, where would these two pitiful beta boys be without her?

Oh my fucking god stop being Dirk, Jade.  And never use that narrative language again, even in your head.  Heck, even if Dirk’s the one WRITING this still, don’t even think CLOSE enough to think those words.

...yeah this sounds like an Active player class taking things slightly too far.

Thank you, Karkat, for drawing the consent-line in the sand.  Looks like Jade’s backing off a little.

--hold on, wait, Dave kissed him? He did, so why is-- let me read back up--

Dave doesn’t answer. She answers for him by leaning down and planting a dry, affectionate kiss on Karkat’s cheek.

Okay I misread this line earlier.  Jade kissed Karkat when neither of them were looking and is BLAMING Dave.  Hmm.

Alright, Dave ollies outie.  Karkat tumbles down some hillstairs.

Jade could probably catch him. Actually, she could easily do it, but it doesn’t seem like the kind of favor you should do in a fledgling kismesissitude.

Thaaaat’s a little presumptuous??

JADE: well i guess im eating grub spaghetti alone JADE: *again*!!!

:C

I’d be sadder if you didn’t bring it down hard upon yourself but

:C

==>

Yeah, John, better clear up this Callie business because it’s muddy as heck why Roxy would just drop everything to try things out with you.

Ah, we’re bringing up the gender identity thing on this side too, hm?

More serious talk, this is good, reading reading...

The glasses clink together clumsily, and water gets all over the complimentary breadsticks.

Oh no.  This had better not be Olive Garden.

ROXY: no one else has ever made me feel like this

--not Calliope???

What the heck is even going on.

Dave’s coming for some bro help it looks like.

==>

It’s hilarious how much Dave is freaking out about this, and how completely in-character it is.

JOHN: holy fucking shit. JOHN: there’s a gay snooze button? DAVE: yeah man theres a gay snooze button JOHN: wow.

I love these two’s conversations

......wait, Dave’s been holding off on kissing Karkat because of what he thinks JADE might think???? D:

JOHN: i almost managed to forget that she was trying to fuck you and karkat.

Pfffffffff  :D

Yep.  I love it being put so bluntly.

Reading on... yeah, for some reason I also always figured that the end result of a nice three-way relationship between those three people would be Jade and Dave essentially both just glomming onto Karkat more than each other?  Hm.

JOHN: i mean... it doesn’t sound... JOHN: *canon*?

...I hope you’re just talking about his coin flip explanation and not DaveKatJade.  >:(

John wonders when talking to Dirk has fixed anything for anyone.

Nod nod.

She grins up at John with shimmering, adoring eyes. They’re reflecting every star in the sky, all for him.

Seriously, what the hell.  Is Roxy hypnotized?  Putting on an act?  A voidy act??

I’m not doubting that Roxy COULD feel that way about John, I’m doubting the suddenness and the way Calliope is being deliberately ignored in the situation, which is so goddamn obvious that JOHN is uncomfortable about it.  There’s something seriously strange going on.

It itches at the back of his head, the idea that he might have just fucked up Dave’s entire life.

D:

Alright next post after a bit of breakfast.

[wrestlingisfake]

Money in the Bank preview

Nia Jax vs. Ronda Rousey - This is Rousey’s first singles match since debuting in WWE, and she’s challenging Jax for the Raw women’s championship.  Like it or not, this is the most important match on the show, because WWE is determined to promote Rousey as the company’s biggest star.  If you don’t think a women’s match can be that pivotal, WWE doesn’t care.  If you don’t think Rousey deserves it, WWE doesn’t care.  If you think it’s too soon to put her in the title picture, or Jax is the wrong opponent, WWE doesn’t care.

Jax turned babyface just a few months ago for a bullying storyline with Alexa Bliss, but now she’s a heel again specifically to play on the idea that she’s big enough to bully Rousey.  I think that tells you what you need to know about the entire Rousey situation--they think she’s the next game-changing mainstream star, so everything else can and will change on a dime to play into that narrative.  On the one hand, that motivates WWE to elevate their women’s division.  On the other hand, it seems to be leading them to rush Rousey to the championship before she’s fully trained and ready.

Personally I’m pretty cynical about all this, and don’t care if someone like Rousey leapfrogs over everyone else to take over the division like some lady Brock Lesnar.  If they want to do some bit where she crushes Jax in two minutes and starts squashing opponents like Goldberg, fine.  But the “you deserve it” side of WWE fandom--the folks who want to follow their favorites from the bottom to the top--are already resenting this, and that’s a problem WWE ignores at their own peril.  (It’s easy to say “haha who cares about those nerds?” until they hijack a few shows, and then whining “why won’t those nerds cooperate?” won’t get you anywhere.)

Rousey doesn’t necessarily have to win the title here.  The match could go to a disqualification, or there could be some chicanery with the women’s Money in the Bank contract.  But it’s almost unthinkable that Rousey will be pinned, or submitted, or left in any position but standing tall after some SportsCenter moment.

AJ Styles vs. Shinsuke Nakamura - This is a “last man standing” match for AJ’s world championship.  Essentially there is only one rule: Whenever one or both wrestlers are on the ground but not in contact, the referee will give them a count of ten to return to a standing position.  The first wrestler who fails to answer this ten-count loses the match; the winner is effectively the last man standing and the champion.  In theory this type of match assures that there must be a winner, but there is precedent for a double count-out, resulting in a draw.

This will be the sixth Styles/Nakamura one-on-one match.  Nakamura won the first one at Wrestle Kingdom, 2½ years ago, shortly before they both went to WWE.  Styles won the second match at Wrestlemania back in April, prompting Nakamura’s heel turn.  The third match, at the Greatest Royal Rumble, ended in a double count-out; the fourth, at Backlash, was a draw when they kicked each other in the nuts so hard that neither man could answer the ten-count.  In the fifth match, Nakamura finally pinned Styles last month (in a non-title match) to earn the right to choose the stipulation for the sixth match.  Bear in mind, the stip is “first one to get counted out loses,” and the last two matches have seen both guys get counted out, so it’s not clear how this will settle anything.

After months of nut-shots and draws, it’s long overdue for something to fucking happen.  Either Nakamura needs to win the championship, or Styles needs to decisively win to end the feud altogether.  Anything less will be a colossal disappointment that will make the next rematch feel tedious.  That’s where we’re at now.  In January 2016 we were like “WWE needs to put these guys in a Wrestlemania match so they can tear the house down and steal the show,” and now it’s like “the only way the next match will be tolerable is if this one doesn’t have a fuck finish.”

I’m going to this show, so I’m sure hoping the match is long and good and we get a title change.  But the way things have been going, it would not surprise me at all if WWE finds a way to dick this up.  Remember, it’s possible that whoever wins the men’s Money in the Bank match could immediately steal the championship from whoever wins this match.  So there are a lot of ways for WWE to cock-block me, but in my heart of hearts I believe we’ll finally see Nakamura win the big one.

8-man Money in the Bank ladder match - This is for a “Money in the Bank” contract, which will be placed in a briefcase that is hung above the ring.  Ladders will be provided at ringside, and the only way to win is to retrieve the briefcase.  The only way to win the match is to unhook the briefcase from the rigging; if it’s not clear which participant does that, or if a non-participant does it, the decision goes to the first participant to have possession of the briefcase on the mat.

A Money in the Bank contract entitles the bearer to a championship match at the time and place of their choosing (for up to one year), with no notice to the defending champion.  In theory, if a Raw guy wins he would “cash in” for Raw’s universal championship, and if a Smackdown guy wins he would use it to challenge that show’s world champion.  Nobody has used MITB on an opposing brand’s champion since 2010, and it’s not clear if that is still an option.

This year’s men’s match features:

Braun Strowman [Raw]

Finn Balor [Raw]

Kevin Owens [Raw]

The Miz [Smackdown]

Rusev [Smackdown]

Bobby Roode [Raw]

Xavier Woods or Kofi Kingston or Big E [Smackdown]

Samoa Joe [Smackdown]

The New Day collectively won a qualifying match, and have the right to choose which of the trio gets to represent them.  So far, they haven’t announced their selection, and probably won’t until the match starts.

Since both of 2017′s MITB contracts were Smackdown-exclusive, and the one 2016 contract was executed almost immediately, it’s been almost three years since Raw has had a someone skulking around with a briefcase, threatening to become the next champion.  That makes it feel like Raw is due, along with the novelty of figuring out how to use MITB against Lesnar.  I’m inclined to think that favors the sneakier Raw participants, meaning Kevin Owens and Bobby Roode.  Strowman has the biggest push and Balor has the most grassroots momentum, but frankly Money in the Bank is less about putting over the rising star than manufacturing a plot twist.

If a Smackdown guy is going to win, Miz makes sense, although he already did that bit in 2010.  (Maybe that’s far enough in the past that nobody would consider it a retread, although that in itself goes to show that Miz’s upward momentum has been stalled for eight years.)  I’m digging Samoa Joe’s promos of late, so I’d rather see him lying in wait with the briefcase for six months.  Rusev would be perfect for the role, but why would anything nice happen to Rusev?

It’s tough to predict anything in these matches, which is what makes them so fun.  On the other hand, the car-wreck nature of the contest makes it kinda hard to watch in places.  Almost all of these feature someone laying motionless for 5-10 minutes or getting stretchered out, and it’s usually part of the story but you can’t be sure until it’s over.

8-woman Money in the Bank ladder match - The contract at stake in this match is identical to the one for the men, except it applies to the Raw and Smackdown women’s championships.  The competitors here are:

Alexa Bliss [Raw]

Charlotte Flair [Smackdown]

Becky Lynch [Smackdown]

Ember Moon [Raw]

Naomi [Smackdown]

Natalya [Raw]

Lana [Smackdown]

Sasha Banks [Raw]

Whereas the fate of the top men’s titles always feels micromanaged and limited to a few possibilities, there’s no telling what could happen here, which should be more fun.  Last year’s women’s MITB match featured a fuck finish that shit the bed so bad they did a do-over, so I would imagine the women are eager to get it right this time. 

I could honestly see anyone winning this, although Lana feels like a question mark.  WWE seems hesitant about her in-ring ability but determined to feature her anyway.  (It’s telling that Lana is in this match and Dana Brooke is not.)  I’ve seen a lot of concern about Lana doing ladder spots, but you have to figure she’s been doing nothing but practicing said spots since she got booked for this.  Then again, I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing my job alongside someone who needs tons of practice to keep up with my level, and my job is a lot safer than “fall off a bunch of ladders.”

There are a lot of ways WWE can go with the outcome, but the safest bet is on a sneaky heel, and the sneakiest heels in this lineup as Bliss, Natalya (who is so sneaky she hasn’t turned on Ronda Rousey yet), and Banks (who is so super-sneaky she turned on Bayley four months ago and is still considered a babyface). 

Roman Reigns vs. Jinder Mahal - WWE is always looking for ways to get both of these guys over with hostile crowds, so Vince McMahon has wisely decided to pit them against each other in the middle of a overlong show in a city that gave us #HijackRaw.  Also, WWE allegedly bankrolled a frivolous three-year lawsuit against CM Punk and Colt Cabana that just happened to go to trial when it would fuck with Punk the most, which happens to be fresh in everyone’s memory.  But yeah, go ahead and blame Chicago.

Look, I’ve got a soft spot for Jinder because his WWE title win was the first one I ever saw live.  And Roman seems like a good guy that does his best with the bad hand he’s dealt.  They don’t deserve to get shit on.  But WWE has gone out of their way to arrange a “please shit on everything” match.  The Allstate Arena chewed itself out last night over a fucking beach ball, and even the people who are neutral on beach balls thought it was funny.  So yeah, this could turn into Lesnar/Goldberg 2004, and they knew that when they booked it.  This is a rib on everybody.

Roman’s gonna win, because c’mon.

Carmella vs. Asuka - Carmella is the defending Smackdown women’s champion.  Asuka failed to win the title at Wrestlemania in a straight fight with Charlotte Flair, but Carmella succeeded the next day by cashing in Money in the Bank. So now Carmella has a swelled head and thinks she’s better than everyone that she leapfrogged over.  This is her first big chance to prove it.

Obviously I just want Asuka to murder all opposition and win the title.  But Carmella is so gosh-dorn adorable that I kinda want to see her weasel her way into a long title run.  Then again, Asuka is also adorable in a murder-y sort of way.  This is going to be like watching a Pomeranian fight the world’s cuddliest T-rex.  Asuka should win, but I will be partially sad.

Seth Rollins vs. Elias - Fuck, this show is too long.  Elias is challenging for the intercontinental championship and my patience.  They could totally pull off making Elias the modern day Honky Tonk Man, but Rollins is red-hot right now and I don’t know if it’s such a good idea to take the title off him at this point.  I am so glad I will be in the building for this where I cannot hear Corey Graves’s “brilliant” “heel” “commentary” where he buries Elias and puts over Rollins with a bunch of Game of Thrones references.

Rollins should retain, but you just never know with Elias.

Daniel Bryan vs. Big Cass - Dammit.  Cass is all “I’ll break Bryan’s leg because I’m seven feet tall and you can’t teach that.”  Bryan is all “breaking legs is a skill and they can teach that. To me. A lot.”  Cass sucks, and on top of that he was told not to rough up that little person and Cass did it anyway.  So now he sucks and he’s in the doghouse, which means the chance of him winnin’ drastilly go down.  The question isn’t whether Bryan wins, but how embarrassing it is for Cass.

Bobby Lashley vs. Sami Zayn - So anyway, at some point during this show I think I’m gonna get up and go walk around the concourse.  I’ve been to the Allstate Arena so many times, but I’ve never taken the opportunity to stop and smell the roses, y’know?  Like, maybe the food is better if you’re not rushing to get back to your seat.  Or the merch table might have stuff I’d buy if only I was willing to wait in line.  I just need to pick a good point in the show to duck out.  A “Steve Blackman vs. Gangrel” moment, if you will.

Matt Hardy & Bray Wyatt vs. Bo Dallas & Curtis Axel - You know, I think this is gonna become The Magnificent Ambersons.  In fact, it IS The Magnificent Ambersons!  Right now, it is!  You see it, guys?  Huh?  Huh?  The family, riding in a sleigh?  "There it is! Amberson Mansion! Pride of the town!"  "Hot and cold running water?"  "Upstairs and down!"  Oh, it's not working, you guys. It's not The Magnificent Ambersons! I don't even LIKE The Magnificent Ambersons!

Harper & Rowan vs. Karl Anderson & Luke Gallows - Really, with WWE stretching these shows out as long as they are, they’ve only succeeded in increasing the incentive to show up late.  I mean, they say the opener is often the hottest spot on the card besides the main event, but strictly speaking the opener is the throwaway pre-show match, and they go out of their way to make that inessential.  The hottest opener they could do for this show is Seth vs. Elias, but you know that’s gonna start with fifteen minutes of stalling bullshit.  All I’m saying is, maybe giving fans more value for their dollar doesn’t automatically mean more matches on longer shows, ya feel me?

[ineverhadmyinternetphase]

In My Way - Chapter 21

AO3 link, First Chapter

Genre: Chaptered. Actor!Dan AU, fluff, bit of angst, slow burn, getting together (eventually)

Summary: Fiction. Daniel Howell is 21 and Britain’s newest star. He’s just been cast in the much-anticipated film adaption of Last Man Standing, the popular teen fantasy novel with a huge fanbase hanging off his every tweet. In other words, Dan has made it big.

Phil Lester couldn’t care less. He’s a stressed out PHD student working part time at a bookshop while he struggles to get into post-production. He’s 26 and still lives in a tiny flat on the fifth floor of a building with a lift more broken than it is in use. He loves books, but he thinks big film adaptions screw with the plot too much.

Needless to say, Phil is less than impressed when Last Man Standing is getting filmed in his hometown. And he certainly doesn’t want anything to do with obnoxious, arrogant, so irritatingly perfect leading actor   Daniel Howell.

Warnings: Swearing, Ace!Phil, Bi!Dan, slight a- and bi-phobia, discussions of sexuality

Word Count: 5000-6000 per chapter (ish)

A/N: Warning for this chapter: there is some discussion of being outed without consent, and also discussions surrounding coming out to the public in general. Proceed with caution if this is a sticky issue for you ^_^

Also, the wonderful nothingisbetterthanfood (on tumblr) is in the process of translating this fic into German! So if you want to read it in that language, the link is here: https://www.fanfiktion.de/s/58c6ff42000510f9f5cb7b4/1/In-My-Way and thank you so much for doing this, I am in awe that you would spend so much time translating a fanfic, I am so happy ^_^

And once again massive thanks once again to @mecaka for betaing this! You are an angel <3

—

Waking up next to Dan was another of the best experiences of Phil’s life. He’d forgotten how comfortable it was, having another warm body to cuddle up to under the sheets, someone else’s scent in the air, someone else’s arms around him. Phil kept his eyes closed with a happy sigh and snuffled his face into the warm material in front of him.

There was a soft squawk from somewhere above his head. “Do you mind?”

“Mrrh,” Phil made a non-committal noise back, keeping his face pressed in the warm loveliness before him. He wasn’t in his own bed, he knew that from the soft luxury of the sheets, much better than his scratchy old Ikea bedspread. Which meant he wasn’t in his city, because Dan was here, and Phil should probably be a lot more freaked out by that than he was.

When had it become normal for Dan to be in his space? All those months in Manchester, sure, but – but this time apart, it had felt never-ending. Phil hadn’t been sure he’d ever ease back into the comfort he’d had with Dan before.

If the way Dan was poking at him and telling him to shift because his arm was going numb was anything to go by, though, Phil thought they were pretty ok.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, lifting his face reluctantly off its place in Dan’s shoulder and blinking blearily at him. “Comfy.”

“Are you,” Dan grumbled, curls rumpled and dimple deep. “Well, I wasn’t.”

“Be quiet, of course you were.” Phil reached out to press his fingers into the blurry lines of Dan’s cheek, feeling the dimple give beneath his touch. He grinned. “You’re the happiest because I’m here, lighting up your life, as ever.”

“You’re fucking insufferable.” Dan huffed, rolling away from Phil to face the other way. Phil made a distressed noise and moved after him, tugging at his arm, but Dan resisted with a low chuckle. “No, no cuddles for rude old men.”

“Excuse you.” Phil had managed to wrangle his way under Dan’s arm, cuddled back up to his side. “You brought me all the way down from Manchester specifically for cuddles, so. Might want to backtrack there.”

“Might I?” Dan turned his face to see Phil, biting back a smile. He leaned in to press a kiss to Phil’s forehead. “Maybe, then. If you behave.”

“I always behave.” Phil slung his own arm around Dan’s waist, drawing him closer until they were pressed as close together as they physically could be, among the bedsheets and their pyjamas and the warmth trapped between them.

They stayed like that, cuddled up together, and Phil closed his eyes again. He’d be quite content never to move, actually, but then Dan went and started shuffling about, disturbing him. Phil grumbled, cracking open one eye, and let out a defeated sigh when he saw that Dan had, of course, reached for his phone. “You can’t leave that alone and pay attention to me for five minutes?”

“Have to check on our adoring fans,” Dan answered with a cheeky wink.

Phil shoved him, and then determinedly closed his eyes and pressed his face back into whichever soft part of Dan he could reach.

He knew something was wrong the minute Dan started tensing up. With a frown,all seriousness recovered, Phil opened his eyes and turned his face up to see Dan staring at his phone screen, his face as white as the pillowcase next to him.

Phil propped himself up carefully. “What happened?”

Dan blinked, looking up to meet Phil’s gaze dead-on. There was something close to panic in his eyes, hiding behind his usual mask that Phil was still learning to look behind. Without a word, Dan turned his phone screen, and Phil took it off him, squinting without his glasses.

It was Dan’s twitter, open on an image from – an article? Or something – but the image was laid out in plain sight, of Phil and Dan walking back from the train station yesterday, hand-in-hand.

Phil’s breath caught in his throat.

He only caught sight of a few of the squealing replies on Twitter, but it was enough to tell him the news had already spread. Whatever report this was from, it must have been picked up by Dan’s followers, must already be everywhere

Who had even photographed them? Phil was sure he hadn’t seen anyone.

Suddenly, the brave-in-the-moment decision to hold Dan’s hand in public yesterday didn’t seem like quite such a good idea.

“Yeah,” Dan whispered, looking at Phil’s expression in the glimpses of sunlight coming through his partially opened curtains. “Yeah, that’s exactly how I feel.”

Phil blinked. He shook his head a bit, thoughts swirling, and then shoved the phone back at Dan. He didn’t want to look at that image anymore. Not that seeing Dan next to him was bad, it was more that – it wasn’t from their perspective. Some outsider had seen this, and now – now, speculation was going to be everywhere.

Phil hadn’t even told his mum yet. What if she saw this? What was she going to think?

Dan took the phone back from Phil, his face drained of all colour as he looked at the screen. Phil watched him, feeling distant, almost far away as Dan just stared, and the silence between them grew heavier and heavier.

“It’s from an article,” Dan finally broke the silence, his tone harsh from trying not to let it shake. “Newspaper. I should have known it couldn’t last long.”

Phil’s throat was dry. A newspaper – a picture of them, together, in a newspaper, and neither of them were at all prepared for this. This was another huge step, a giant one, and one that should have been taken with a lot of prior thought and discussion. But they’d never even talked about going public, not really, not beyond the fact that neither of them was ready to tell everyone openly that they were together.

Why did this have to happen now? On the one weekend Phil finally had Dan back in his arms, and not just in pixelated form?

“Looks like it’s spread to other websites, too,” Dan added, “all across the internet. I can attempt some damage control, but sometimes with these things, it’s better to leave them quiet. I can privately request to get the photos taken down, I suppose…”

Phil let Dan’s ramble trail off into background noise. It was important, of course, but just then Phil was still desperately trying to get his head around what had happened.

He and Dan hadn’t been ready to go public. Dan had said before he wasn’t ready, and Phil…

Phil hadn’t even told his mum yet.

He was jolted back to himself when Dan started moving. The bed shifted, the covers disappeared, and Phil made a displeased noise and reached out to grab for Dan.

His hand landed on Dan’s arm, where he tugged until Dan turned back to face him, one styled eyebrow arched. “Yes?”

“Where’re you going,” Phil mumbled, still a little hazy with sleep and the shock of it all.

“To fix this mess,” Dan answered dryly. “And fetch you some coffee, so you’re actually awake enough to talk about it.”

Phil blinked, then frowned. “I’m awake!”

“Yeah, no, you’re really not.” Dan patted him on the head, an oddly affectionate gesture, and then moved to get up. “I’ll be back. Don’t hurt yourself before I return.”

Phil made another disgruntled noise, but this time he let Dan go. Coffee sounded good, after all, and Dan knew as well as Phil did that he wouldn’t really be able to think until he’d had his first mug of the day.

It was just, without Dan, the roaring in Phil’s head got louder. The worry, the concern, and the not-quite-a-freak-out-yet raucous grew and grew until it was rattling inside his skull, a constant reminder that there was a public image of him and Dan in a very-much-non-platonic setting.

Unless holding hands could ever count as platonic? It could, surely, but… but the newspapers wouldn’t see it that way. And neither would their readers. The idea of a faceless mass of people out there all judging his and Dan’s appearance and relationship had the noise in Phil’s head tipping over to definite freak-out mode.

By the time Dan came back, he found Phil buried down in the blankets with his head under the pillow, making muffled screeching noises. Dan just stood and watched him for a moment, two mugs in hand, before he grinned and said, “Same.”

Phil jumped. He turned his head, the sheets twisted around his legs, and made a muffled noise again. He saw the mugs and made grabby hands.

Dan chuckled, but he handed the one with coffee in it over. Phil practically inhaled it, which just made Dan laugh again as he perched himself down on his side of the bed. And that was still a weird thought – his side of the bed. Because someone else belonged in the other side, now.

Dan wondered if it would be any more difficult to be here after Phil left, once the memory of him in this room was fixed.

He sipped at his hot chocolate and then set it down on his bedside table, watching as Phil wrapped long fingers around his own mug. Phil was determinedly not looking at him.

Dan bit his lip. “How much are you freaking out about this right now?”

Phil finally glanced over at him, eyes a bit wild.

Dan’s lips twitched. “Like, give me a percentage to work with here.”

Phil squeaked. “Um. Probably – somewhere around the 85% mark.”

“Ok.” Dan scooted closer, started to rub small circles into Phil’s back. It made Phil relax against him, if slowly, and he let Phil lean into his side, liked the feeling of him there. “Ok, so. It’s happened, whether we like it or not.”

Phil drew in a shuddering breath.

“We just have to figure out how we’re going to react.” Dan’s voice was soothing, he hoped. It was easy to flip back into business mode, to remember how he acted when he was in public rather than at home, or with Phil. He had to be on guard again.

Phil glanced up at him from where his head was resting on Dan’s shoulder. “Do we have to react?”

“Not necessarily.” Dan shrugged. “I tend to think – sometimes, with these things, we could just ignore it and let people assume what they want.”

Phil nodded slowly. “But?”

“But,” Dan continued, “I also think things have a habit of exploding if I ignore them.”

A small smile flitted briefly over Phil’s face. “Why does that not surprise me?”

“Shush,” Dan nudged him, but the motion was affectionate. He sighed, pressing his face into Phil’s hair, just breathing him in for a moment. It calmed him; grounded him. Reminded him that Phil was still right here, with him, and that was the most important thing.

“What are the other options?” Phil coaxed gently after a moment.

Dan bit his lip. He’d been thinking, his mind racing ever since he first saw the article. Anger had been his first response, and fear, but then – but then he’d also been somewhat weirdly relieved. If it meant he never had to hide Phil again or avoid talking about him when being asked awkward questions, then it couldn’t be wholly bad. Or, more enticingly, never having to answer ridiculous questions about when his next girlfriend was going to show up.

That thought was appealing, Dan couldn’t deny it.

But that also came with so many problems. If Dan didn’t outright deny the article, then people would be assuming things left right and centre. It would probably be the only thing Dan was asked about, and that wasn’t exactly ideal, what with the premiere coming up. That was what Dan wanted to be focusing on right now, that and only that. He didn’t want to have to deal with this speculation, too.

So then there was the other option – not to deny it, not to ignore it, but to… to simply confirm it. He could do it, it would be easy as anything to drop hints on Twitter about him and Phil being together, and he knew they already had a fanbase who would lap it up and quickly spread the news everywhere. It would be simple. And then there would be no more hiding, no more avoiding questions, no more worrying every second that he was out in public with Phil.

But… that would also mean coming out. Something Dan had never thought he’d publically do.

And coming out with Phil. And would Phil even be ok with that?

Judging by the way he was freaking out… probably not.

“Dan?” Phil prompted again, turning to study his expression. He was warm against Dan’s side, eyes a little concerned. “Are the other options really that bad?”

“No, not really.” Dan sighed, then flopped back on the bed, pulling Phil down with him. “This just isn’t exactly how I’d planned for things to be.”

“Me neither.” Phil snorted a bit, clambering over Dan’s chest to meet his eyes. “But then, I never really expected to be dating a famous actor, either.”

Dan’s lips twitched. “Wasn’t in your life plan, huh?”

“Not exactly.” Phil laid his head down against Dan’s chest and closed his eyes, listening to the soft thud of Dan’s heart beating away. It would be easy, he thought, if they could just stay like this forever. Just the two of them in their own little world, distant from any kind of pressure that might exist out there.

They lay in muffled silence for a while, both dwelling on their own thoughts.

Dan was the first to pull them out of it, and he made Phil startle. “I mean, I could just come out.”

Phil jumped, flailing.

“Not if you weren’t comfortable with it.” Dan was talking as easily as if they were discussing the weather, but the way he was staring determinedly up at the ceiling betrayed his inner nerves. His face was a calm mask, but Phil knew him well enough by now to read the panic and fear that was hiding just behind his eyes.

Phil blinked at him.

“But I could,” Dan continued. “I mean, it’s possible.”

“Sure it is,” Phil answered slowly. “If that’s what you really wanted to do?”

Dan bit both his lips and tipped his head back against the pillow, eyes glued to a crack in the ceiling.

“Is it?” Phil pushed gently. “What you really want to do?”

Dan stayed silent for another moment before he pushed both hands against his face and groaned. “I don’t know, Phil. I honestly don’t know.”

Phil hovered. “You shouldn’t do anything you don’t want to do.”

“I know that,” Dan mumbled into his hands, “but I just don’t really want to keep hiding, either.”

Phil looked down at him, torn and a little bit scared.

If Dan didn’t want to hide anymore, did that mean… was Phil not enough for him after all?

But no. Dan had said before that Phil would always be enough, and Phil believed him. Everything they’d said and done for these past months had been about them figuring out how to be together, and Phil was absolutely positive they both were happiest when they were close. He’d just… not expected to be confronted with anything else, yet, and it petrified him.

“I don’t want to hide you anymore,” Dan was mumbling into his hands. “I hate not talking about you, dodging questions about you. Having to smile and laugh when someone asks me if I’m enjoying the single life, or when I’ll find a girl to settle down with.”

Phil’s heart froze. Well. At least that didn’t sound like Dan wanted to leave him.

“I just want to scream at them that it might be a boy, too,” Dan mumbled, and then finally spread his fingers to peek through them at Phil. “That it turned out to be a boy, I mean. That you exist.”

Despite himself, Phil found himself smiling.

“But,” Dan continued cautiously, “I’d only do this if you were ok with it. I don’t want you to feel like you’re being pressured into something you’re not ready for.”

As ever, Dan was there, caring for him. Putting Phil first. Always making sure Phil was comfortable. That made a surge of affection rise in Phil’s chest, swamping him

Phil reached out and cupped Dan’s cheek in his hand, thumb curving over where his dimple usually appeared. He leaned in close and brushed a careful kiss over Dan’s nose, then dipped down briefly to his lips.

“I think you should do what you want,” Phil told him softly when they pulled away. “Whatever would make you happiest.”

Dan looked up at him, all soft and open, and he looked so young. His curls were wild, fluffed up against the pillow, and he was all bony corners and open edges as he stared up at Phil. “Are you sure?”

“One hundred percent.” Phil kissed the tip of Dan’s nose again, smiling when it made him scrunch his face up. “If you’d be more comfortable not hiding this… then we shouldn’t hide it.”

Dan’s eyes widened a bit. “I’d still be pretty terrified. Coming out as bi – that isn’t always easy.”

“No, but you’d be a pillar of the community.” Phil grinned at him, leaning down to nuzzle back into his neck. “A proper role model.”

“I’m not sure I really want to be,” Dan mumbled as he wrapped his arms around Phil’s waist. “I just want to be happy. And with you.”

Something warm glowed in Phil’s chest again. He hid his smile against Dan’s neck, breathing him in. “Then let’s do that. Just be happy, and us. The world can think whatever they like.”

Dan wriggled against him, but it was a happy wriggle. He paused after a moment, though, running his fingers through Phil’s hair. “Are you sure, though? I mean – I wouldn’t mention you, not if you didn’t want, but…”

“It might be kind of obvious,” Phil finished for him with a low chuckle, “considering we’ve been photographed everywhere together. Holding hands in the latest one.”

Dan hid his smile in Phil’s hair. “Yeah.”

Phil blew out a sigh. He gave himself a moment to think about it, knowing this wasn’t a decision to rush into – not when he knew he was prone to freak outs and he still hadn’t even told his mum. But the idea of not having to hide – of watching Dan in interviews like the one earlier that week, only watching him talk about Phil, about them, no worries of hiding it – that was an appealing thought, Phil couldn’t deny it.

So maybe. Maybe… it was a possibility.

“There are people I’d want to tell on my own first,” Phil answered slowly. “My mum. PJ already knows, but – my friends. Lilith. My brother.”

“Of course.” Dan’s tone was tinged with held-back excitement.

“And I’m not quite sure what I’d tell them, either,” Phil continued. “I mean, I’m not bi like you, but – maybe that’s a bit much to try and explain?”

“We wouldn’t have to go into too much detail,” Dan murmured. “Just, I’d say I’m bi, and that you’re my boyfriend – or partner – or whatever word fits best. And leave it at that.”

Phil’s face scrunched up. “That would have them… assuming things, wouldn’t it?”

“Probably,” Dan admitted honestly. “I don’t quite know how I’d get them to stop. I mean, I’d explain wherever possible, but… I don’t know, Phil. Without you coming out, too, it would be hard to stop them.”

Phil mulled that over for a moment. He knew Dan was right – that there wasn’t really a way to control what people would think of them. That they’d be assuming the nature of his and Dan’s relationship was something physical, something that Phil really wasn’t comfortable with. And maybe one day, Phil would be ready to correct them, but for right now—

Right now, Dan was the important one. Dan’s comfort, and Dan’s happiness, and Phil thought this was the right thing for him to do.

“I’ll fix that as and when it occurs,” he murmured into Dan’s neck, groping about until he caught Dan’s hand in his own. “But until then – I think you should do this.”

Dan stared down at him, biting his lip. “You think so?”

“I do.” Phil nodded, then tilted his face up to meet Dan’s wide-eyed gaze. “I think you’ll be happier if you can be more of yourself out there.”

Dan gave him another long look before he nodded. A small smile broke across his face. “Yeah. I think you’re right.”

Phil smiled back at him and pulled him in closer.

A problem not exactly solved, but at least dealt with. For the moment. That warranted them another few hours’ cuddling in bed, in Phil’s book.

---

The premiere, they decided.

The premiere was when Dan would come out.

“It’s in two weeks’ time,” Dan was explaining as he brushed his teeth, Phil perched on the edge of the bathtub next to him. “That’s enough time to prepare myself. And I wouldn’t want to hijack all the promo for the film before then, either.”

“Is there much promo, then?” Phil asked from his rather precarious position. For as expansive as Dan and Tyler’s flat was, the bathroom was a little crammed, and he was squidged into the tiniest corner between the sink and the shower head. There really wasn’t much room to move.

Dan gave a muffled snort. “Yeah. The promo’s barely even started.”

“But you’ve done that interview,” Phil protested, “and other things, there was the magazine review…”

“But nothing with the full cast yet,” Dan reminded him gently, leaning over the sink to spit out the toothpaste. It should probably be gross. Phil wondered why it wasn’t. “And there’s still the trailer to come out, there’ll be a bunch more interviews before then.”

“Oh.” Phil sank down a little, wondering what that must feel like. Having your face plastered everywhere. Dan had talked about it a little, but mostly in sarcastic terms, making it hard to know what he really thought. But the Dan Phil knew was an introvert, and a lone one at that, so it was hard to imagine him enjoying any kind of social activity.

But thoughts of the trailer were good, too. He’d be itching to see this film regardless of whether or not he knew any of the cast, as Last Man Standing really was one of his favourite books, but he’d get to see Louise again, and all the other people Dan had been talking about. And Dan himself, of course.

As if reading his mind, Dan shot him an amused look. “Excited about seeing my face on a giant screen again?”

“Shut up,” Phil grumped, poking Dan’s side. “I know you’re looking forward to it, anyway.”

“Not really,” Dan disagreed lightly. He took Phil’s hand, tugging him back to the door.

Phil frowned, staying stubbornly in place. “Why not?”

Dan shifted, but he stayed put when it was obvious Phil wasn’t going anywhere soon. He made a face, but it was clearly meant to hide whatever was darkening his eyes a little, making him avoid Phil’s gaze.

That just made Phil look harder.

“I think I told you before,” Dan eventually relented. “I’m not really such a fan of seeing my face everywhere.”

Phil tilted his head. “How come?”

Dan shrugged, still avoiding Phil’s gaze. “It’s just weird.”

Phil bit his lip, ready to prod further, but then there was a new voice trilling somewhere from the kitchen, calling both of their names out loud (and with far too much enthusiasm for this time in the morning, in Phil’s view).

Dan smirked, sharing a resigned look with Phil. “Tyler.”

“Is he always like this?” Phil asked a little helplessly.

“What, so loud?” Dan grinned, nodding. “Unfortunately. C’mon, he’ll be in here with us if we take too long.”

Phil grumbled about it, but he let himself be pulled along regardless.

Breakfast was a happy affair. Tyler was eating some form of giant sweet American pancake, and there were enough for Dan and Phil to share. The sweet syrupy sticky mess was good, and it relaxed Phil enough that he actually started enjoying being around the two men, one whom he barely knew at all. Conversation was easy, especially with Dan and Tyler griping with each other over who’s turn it was to wash the dishes, or why Tyler had had to be the one to answer the door the past five times there was a parcel (usually Dan’s) arriving.

Seeing Dan in such a domestic session as this – it warmed Phil in a way he hadn’t quite expected. Like this was yet another side of Dan, one he’d only been able to glimpse at so far, in quiet relaxed moments curled up together in his flat in Manchester.

It struck Phil then how really very fast this had all been. He hadn’t even known Dan that long, but here he was, sat at his breakfast table in a city he didn’t know.

He wasn’t afraid, though. No, for the first time in a very long time, Phil actually felt quite safe in someone else’s company – like he wasn’t too weird for them, or too grumpy, or too out of place. He fit with Dan. Here or in Manchester, at work or at home, he fit with Dan, and that was something worth holding on to.

The fear from that morning still lingered, the thought of their photo being out in a newspaper was generally terrifying, but Phil still knew that what he had with Dan was worth risking almost everything for.

Half-way through the giant stack of pancakes, Tyler turned to Dan with a question. “So, have you started thinking about looks for the premiere yet?”

Dan blinked at him slowly. “Already?”

“Oh, no, Howell, we are not playing the last minute game again.” Tyler placed his cutlery down with an unnecessarily loud noise and proceeded to fix Dan with a sharp stare. “When are we going shopping?”

“I don’t need another new suit,” Dan groaned, but Tyler was already shaking his head with a scarily determined expression on his face.

Phil looked between them, amused. Tyler took a while to get used to, but the more time he spent in his company, the more he grew on Phil. Plus, he was rather exceptionally good at putting Dan in his place. Phil should probably start taking notes.

“Plus,” Tyler continued, “You need to think about who’s going to be your plus one this time. You know the tabloids are going to be scouting for you.”

Dan made a face, but Phil glanced over at him, curious. He knew from his early days of internet stalking Dan that the last premiere he’d been to had been with his last girlfriend, Susie, the one Phil had mistakenly thought was still with Dan before they sorted things out between them. From what Phil could gather, it was usual for a plus one to be a significant other.

Dan seemed to arrive at this conclusion at the same time, as he suddenly turned to Phil with a slightly wondering look.

Phil arched a brow. That expression on Dan worried him.

“Hey,” Dan said softly, tone hopeful.

Phil shook his head straight away. “No. Nope. No way in hell, Howell.”

“But it would be perfect!” Dan argued, his tone pitching up. “Think about it!”

“I am, and it’s a terrible idea.”

“But Tyler just said!” Dan pointed at where Tyler was sitting, now looking a little confused. “The tabloids will be scouting for me, it’s perfect!”

“That’s not how we agreed to do this,” Phil persisted weakly.

“But it would work.”

“I can’t do that, Dan, come on, look at me!”

“I am, and it would work.” Dan leaned closer, grabbing Phil’s hand under the table and staring at him beseechingly.

Phil narrowed his eyes. “I swear, if you start whining—”

“Would I ever,” Dan disagreed, to a snort from Phil. Dan pouted. “Come on, think about it. It would be the perfect time!”

“I really don’t think being gawped at by millions of reporters—”

“There are never millions—”

“Regardless, it’s just a really bad idea!” Phil’s eyes were wide.

Tyler looked between the two of them, surprise written all over his face. “Er – if you two could stop having conversations in code for one second?”

Dan and Phil kept eye contact for a moment longer, Dan pleading, Phil doing his damnedest to remain stubbornly negative.

Eventually, Dan broke, spinning to look at Tyler with a gusty sigh. “It would work. Bringing Phil as my plus one. Tell him.”

Tyler’s surprise only grew.

Phil shrank down into his seat, wishing for all the world to disappear into the floor.

“I thought you guys were keeping it quiet?” Tyler glanced at Dan, in particular, confusion in his tone. “You especially, you always told everyone to butt out?”

“I did,” Dan decided, glancing quickly at Phil before back to Tyler again. “But, well – have you checked the news this morning?”

Tyler looked more confused and fished out his phone. Phil watched with trepidation, knowing it would only take a few minutes of scrolling for Tyler to find what he and Dan had woken up to just a few hours ago – and Phil wasn’t entirely sure he was ready for the reaction.

Tyler made a soft noise in the back of his throat, dropping his phone in favour of staring back at Dan.

“Yeah,” Dan said wryly. “So, it’s maybe a little late to be keeping everything quiet.”

“Fucking paparazzi,” Tyler muttered, folding his arms and fixing Dan with a stern stare. “So you decided not to deny it?”

Dan shook his head, glancing over at Phil again. “I think I’ll be happier if I don’t have to hide myself anymore.”

Phil recognised his own sentiments in Dan’s words. He bit back a smile, looking up to find Dan staring at him softly. Despite himself, Phil’s stomach still jumped every time he got looked at like that.

“You’ve never said anything more sensible in your life.” Tyler broke out into a smile, and suddenly, some of the tension building up in Phil broke. He relaxed his shoulders with a soft exhale. If Tyler knew—and was happy about it—then maybe this was doable after all. Phil had no doubt that it was the right decision for Dan.

He didn’t, however, much like the look that Tyler directed his way seconds later. “So, we’d better think about getting him into a suit.”

“Exactly,” Dan said smugly.

Phil shot upright, eyes wide. “Hey, no, this is still a terrible idea.”

“Matching colours,” Tyler mused, glancing between the both of them. “Blue highlights, I think. It’ll bring out his eyes.”

“I said no—”

“Shopping trip next weekend?” Dan glanced over at Tyler questioningly.

“It’s still a little late,” Tyler grouched. “Only a week after that if you’re not happy.”

“Yeah, but Phil can only come down at weekends.”

“I said no!” Phil yelped. He squeezed a little desperately at Dan’s hand, staring at him. “You aren’t seriously considering this, are you?”

Dan squeezed back, leaning reassuringly into Phil’s side. “Not if you really don’t want to. But think about it – it’s the perfect time to tell everyone.”

“In front of all those cameras?” Phil’s voice squeaked. “All those people? Really?”

Dan’s thumb rubbed soothingly over the back of Phil’s hand. “It saves waiting for the story to spread. It’ll be like this amazing statement, this fact that like, I’m not who they always thought I was because I’ve got this amazing man by my side, and the theatrics of it when we get out of the car—”

“Of course you’d like that,” Phil muttered.

Dan stopped, sending Phil a small frown. “If you really don’t want to, then we won’t. We’ll find another way. But there will be questions if I turn up at the premiere alone, and I sure as fuck am not bringing anyone else.”

Despite himself, that warmed Phil a little.

“As things go, premieres are kinda safe,” Tyler chipped in. “The focus will all be on the film, you two’ll just be, like, an interesting by-line.”

Phil bit his lip.

“And when are you ever going to get the chance to go to a premiere again?” Dan pointed out, poking gently at Phil’s side. “PJ will be insanely jealous. Especially as you’re going with one of the main stars and all.”

Phil elbowed him, but he had to admit that the more he thought it through, the more the idea made sense. Logically, theoretically, at least. Practically, he was still quaking at even the thought.

“Dan,” Phil turned to him, eyes still a little wild. “I didn’t even make it through my graduation without falling over my own feet in front of everyone.”

“It wouldn’t matter,” Dan soothed.

Phil shook his head. “I’ll just embarrass you—”

“I don’t care.”

“—And you’re going to be there with all your peers—”

“Phil, I don’t care.”

“But it’s just me,” Phil said helplessly. “I’m not – I can’t go to a premiere.”

Dan shrugged with one shoulder, but his eyes were sparkling. “You can if we do this.”

Phil held his stare for a long, long moment, in which Dan kept rubbing his thumb over the back of Phil’s hand.

Finally, finally, Phil slumped down in his seat with a gusty sigh. He turned to Tyler. “Shopping next weekend, you said?”

Tyler’s eyes lit up, and Dan squeezed Phil’s fingers even tighter. “If you can get down here again.”

Phil glanced over at Dan, saw the hope in his eyes, the fear from this morning completely wiped out and replaced with something very close to excitement.

Phil couldn’t take that away from him. And this was Dan’s world. Phil would just have to trust him.

Turning back to Tyler, Phil gave a firm nod. “I can get down here again.”

Next chapter here