#pls don’t be mean about my handwriting I will cry so hard

[hawaiianseabitch]

The Forest Scene X Scott Pilgrim

Once I drew Eddie in this style, I just HAD to also do a hellcheer one ofc ofc ofc

@quirly I hope you like it, I loved drawing our favorite lil cinnamon roll🖤

[toukenramblings]

Can i request Hasebe, Tomoe and Kashuu reacting to child!Saniwa asking if they can go to their PTA meeting or watch them during a sports festival at their school pls ?

--

Oh my god.

Babeh.

Sports festival saniwa...oh my god. @rexcaliburechoes REXY HI PLS TAKE DIS FOOD

Heshikiri Hasebe

Hasebe isn’t...all that good with kids? He can tolerate them and as he gets closer to the master, he’ll begin to cherish them. They are still his master, no matter how small they are! Sure it’ll take some getting used to but like...he can handle it....he thinks?

One day they shyly ask him to attend a festival at their school a handwritten invitation given out to him. “I-I trust you...” the little one would say, small little hands gripping the paper to the point it may rip - head bowed as they hold it out to him. Hasebe can’t say no! They are so brave to ask him and he’s flattered really.

When the day of the festival comes, Hasebe had researched what they are like beforehand. He is prepared for the hot sun with copious amounts of water, a hat, bento boxes, so on and so forth! He’s uber prepared! No way is anything bad going to happen!

He cheers the loudest whenever the kid is competing in an event or performing a show like in a cultural festival. He’s taking pictures of how cute they are. He’s going to show EVERYONE back at the citadel how fucking pROUD HE IS OF THEM.

If the kid is doing something like cross country, I think Hasebe would be at least a coach for them. He’s pretty damn fast too, and honestly he’ll be rather damn proud if the kid says that Hasebe’s speed inspired them to start running track. Will he cry??? pROBABLY

If there’s a PTA meeting to attend, Hasebe will honestly dress rather formally. He wants to make a good impression! A sweater vest? A suit? Who knows?! Maybe he’ll slap some glasses on there? Lord knows Hasebe will look good as hell with square frames.

Catch people swooning because gOD DAMN IS HE HANDSOME IN CASUALLY FORMAL CLOTHES

He probably has evidence that the saniwa is a good little kid. He has fucking receipts. Don’t even think about talking bad about this kid in front of him. He’ll counter every point. “They are small and young and yes mistakes do happen, but they will come back from it in the end.” and if the kid has any problems at school, Hasebe will do his best to help them!

Okay but this is a personal headcanon that makes me cry, if the fact that this lil Saniwa is bringing Hasebe along to these events means that they care about him a lot and trust him even more than the rest of the TouDan makes him cry a lil? They are so young after all, gods know that they should not be in a war like this. They need to have a better life and HAsebe knows this. So when the meeting or festival is over, I think the lil one will dedicate a trophy or a drawing towards Hasebe. It’s not much, but this little one cares about him oh so much.

Hasebe found crying when they get home to the citadel.

Tomoegata Naginata

Tomoe is even harder to crack than Hasebe. Yes he’s a faithful attendant but children? What is that????? He has to ask for help and freezes whenever this little one asks him for something like affection. He isn’t all that good with it. But as he starts becoming closer to the kid, his affection is a little more known. He won’t hug them suddenly like Kashuu would but like Hasebe, he’ll give them a head pat in public.

It’s a cultural festival that Tomoe is invited to, a colorful invitation in the hand of the little Saniwa who hesitates. But they want him to come. It’s with their best handwriting, practiced over and over again to get it right. Tomoe remembers seeing evidence of that - the spare sheets of paper and how the little one didn’t want to let him see what in the world they were writing. He accepts of course, he cannot disappoint the Saniwa!

Like Hasebe, he researches what culture or sports festivals are, coming to the event oh so prepared! Water, hats, lunches, money, so on and so forth! Damn fUCKING RIGHT HE’S GOING TO MAKE SURE THIS LIL KID IS SAFE DURING THIS EVENT.

Tomoe has a fine appreciation for the arts, and if the saniwa is an artist or is in a play, damn right he’s going to applaud them. Yes maybe they had budding talent, or maybe they have not talent at all - but he is happy if the little one is happy.

He’s supportive in whatever they do after all! Damn right he’ll stick by their side through thick and thin.

If they play games at the festival, Tomoe is found carrying all of their prizes or just winning them for the little one!

At a PTA meeting, Tomoe is wearing a suit. He has brought a stack of files and is more than ready to listen to whatever this teach has to say about the little one. They labeled him as their guardian after all! Tomoe has to keep up appearances.

Like Hasebe, the naginata could go on and on about how great the little one is. Yes he will say that the little one has some faults but like, listen...he cares for this kid. For every fault the little one has, they make up for it with something they do - a smile or a hug for someone!

If they are struggling, Tomoe will do everything to help them. Math, literature, you name it! He’ll be right there by their side, hovering over their shoulder as they work. He will scold them yes but it’s gentle and reward them with a soft smile whenever they do well.

When did Tomoe catch these emotions? Who tHE FUCK KNOWS?

Kashuu Kiyomitsu

If Kashuu is the saniwa’s starter sword, he’ll be close with the little one for sure. He’ll keep them company through thick and thin and he always does the little one’s nails and keeps them all pretty and happy. Hell they’ll have matching clothes! Damn right they will! Kashuu is not about to let this little one be alone. He knows what it’s like in a way, to be discarded and lonely - so he’s determined and driven to not let the little one feel the same!!

Kashuu-niisan is a bit of a gossip so when he finds out that the little one wants to take him to their festival, of course he’ll be the first to know! He wil happily say yes! He will be raring to go! He will do research on what they are first and of course he’s going to bring a SHIT TON of sunscreen. No way are either of them going to suffer skIN DAMAGE T O D A Y. of course it’s important to keep hydrated too and he asks horikawa to teach him how to cook so he can make lil snackies for the saniwa.

Honestly he hates going outside and being under the sun. He is under this parasol as he watches the little one run about. Of course, Kashuu will always hold their hand as they walk about. He’s not letting this little one out of his fUCKING SIGHT.

Honestly the fact that the little one has labeled Kashuu as their legal guardian makes hm want to sob? Yes Kashuu is a bit...high maintenance and loves being pampered but the love and adoration of a little one - who is growing up all too fast mind you - is something....new to him? It’s comforting in a way, and it gives him another reason to always come home to them. It’s a little selfish, ti know that this child still needs him compared to Okita who threw him away when he was useless. Thus, Kashuu has a habit of trying to almost...take Hasebe’s spot as the attendant at times?

Anyway back to happiness: Kashuu watches the little one like a hawk but knows when to have fun. Half of the time he does get a weee bit distracted here and there - looking at cute clothes or spotting something that the little one likes! Maybe he’ll drag them around to a little festival stall or something to get food or buy things for peeps back at the citadel? Who knows?!

gOD DAMN RIGHT KASHUU IS GOING TO SCREAM THAT THIS KID IS DOING AMAZING THINGS.HE’S GOING TO RECORD ALL OF THIS TOO. HE WANTS THIS KID TO KNOW THAT HE’S SO FUCKING PROUD OF THEM AND EVERYTHING THAT THEY DO, HE’LL FIGHT A HO FOR THEM TF ARE YOU LOOKING AT???

At a PTA meeting, of course Kashuu is going to dress to the nines! A lil flashy but it’s most likely some kinda suit. Maybe a floral suit? Fuck yeah. Who the hell knows. Like black suits are fine and dandy but like...where’s the variety???He’s going to look like a DAMN MODEL

Whatever the kid needs, Kashuu will be there. He isn’t as perfect as Hasebe or Tomoe at like the normal school stuff but that doesn’t mean he can’t try! He does and can and will try to help damn it! He’ll ask for Hakata to teach him math if he gotta.

No matter what, Kashuu is going to want to be there. If the kid is suffering in school, he’ll hold their hands and walk them to school or do whatever he needs to for them. He’ll hold their hand during the meeting and he may not have receipts like HAsebe or Tomoe to show proof that the kid is going great but but Kashuu knows the lil one is doing amazing.

To Kashuu, it’s the little things that make the little one adorable and his desire to protect them just...grows stronger and stronger. They smile at him and work so damn hard that it reminds him much of Okita - how he kept on going despite his illness. He would be damned if this little one falls. He’s going to do everything to prevent it.

[jenomark]

127 reaction to seeing u walk down the aisle/wedding vows pls 🥺

*  assuming this is not a traditional Korean, Chinese or Japanese wedding.

Taeil: His best man wouldn’t let him turn around yet. “Do you want to know how she looks?” he asked. Taeil shook his head no. He was nervous, and he couldn’t stop playing with his fingers, but he didn’t want to ruin the surprise. He had waited his whole life for this. So, Taeil kept his head down and focused on the music carrying you forward. His memories were all about you, about the first day he knew he wanted to marry you, and how you looked the night before last: happy, scared of the unknown, complete. When it was time for Taeil to turn around, he had to suck in a quick breath to keep from crying. “Wow.” he said. He felt like he blinked and suddenly his whole life was right in front of him. Taeil was speechless as he removed your veil and looked at your smiling face, the same face he would spend the rest of his life with. 

Johnny: “I normally have so much to say, don’t I?” Johnny asked. You nodded frantically, drawing a laugh from the crowd of your family and friends. In his suit and tie, Johnny looked handsome. You couldn’t wait to call him your husband. You watched him flipping through a small stack of cards in his shaking hands, watched as one of the cards did a little back flip before it hit the ground. He took a deep breath and looked you in the eyes, but still, none of the words came out. He dropped his arms by his side.  “I love you,” he said. “I had so much written down, but it’s all a mess. I can’t read my own handwriting. I can’t keep my hands still. I love you so much. Every day I think I can’t love you more, and then you do something that makes me feel like it’s the first time I’m seeing you. You’re my best friend. I wouldn’t know what I’d do without you. I’m sure that if you wrote your vows on a card, you would have made everything perfect. Every day, I hope to be- not perfect, but I hope I try. For you. For us.” 

Taeyong: Before you walked down the aisle, Taeyong looked at all of his friends and family. Everyone was there to celebrate your love, and it made him the happiest man on earth. When the music started, Taeyong straightened his tie and inhaled. He didn’t exhale until he saw you at the start of the aisle, your dress beautiful, and your skin glowing. “My love,” he said softly. “At last.” Taeyong watched you walk towards him. As much as he tried to hold back the tears, they ran down his cheek unbridled. He dabbed at his eyes with a handkerchief until you were in front of him, and he could do the same for you. “I can’t believe we’re getting married,” he whispered. “Do you still want to marry me?” You laughed and held his hands. “Taeyong,” you said. “I will always want to marry you. “ 

Yuta: He was emotional before he started. Yuta let himself cry freely. Occasionally, he would look into your eyes to make sure you were okay, and he would squeeze your hand. “I prefer to talk about my feelings openly,” Yuta said. “You and I are good at communicating. You and I are good at a lot of things. I am good on my own, too. My favorite thing I’m good at is being someone who can love and support you. I know my new favorite thing would be being your husband. You already know I love you. I tell you I love you every day, and if you let me, I will tell you every hour for the rest of our lives. Thank you to our friends and family for joining us on this day when we share our love. I’ve never been happier. “ 

Doyoung: Seeing you walking towards him made a nervous laugh escape from Doyoung’s lips. He smiled from ear-to-ear, his eyes unblinking and wide. You returned his excitement, your laughter filling the area around you. He gripped onto the arm of his best man and looked at you with tears forming in his eyes. He didn’t like crying, but he couldn’t stop them as they fell down his cheek and onto the front of his tie. As soon as you reached him, Doyoung whispered to you how beautiful you looked. You made eye contact until Doyoung could no longer hold it. He looked down and smiled at the floor, his face switching between seriousness and awe. All throughout the ceremony, Doyoung stole looks at you, the outside world slipping away and making it feel like only the two of you were in the room. 

Jaehyun:  “I’ve wanted to get married all my life,” Jaehyun began. “I used to dream of it when I was a little boy. When I imagined my wife, I never had a clear view of her face, and I believe it’s because she was always you. I believe I was waiting for you all my life.” Jaehyun held your hand and smiled. As he continued, his voice became a little choked up, “ I want to make you happy. I want to grow old with you, be the father of your children, and cook you breakfast when you’re tired. Not in that order, of course.” You laughed and searched his face. He continued, “ I tell you a lot that you made me the man I am today, and I mean it. I am kinder, wiser, and funnier. I am patient and honest, and I’ve never realized how often I don’t hang up my towel after I’m done using it.” The crowd laughed. You did, too. “But seriously,” Jaehyun said. “I’m me because of you. I love you, baby.” 

WinWin: As soon as he saw you, WinWin used his hand to block his face from crying. He crouched down and put his head in his hands. His emotional reaction caused the crowd of your family and friends to call out various ‘oooh’s’ and ‘aww’s’. When you reached him at the altar, WinWin stood up. He was hysterically crying, and his face was red and splotchy. You used your hand to dry his tears. You kissed him before you were supposed to, but you didn’t care. “Are you okay?” you asked. “Let’s get married, Sicheng.” WinWin nodded and smiled, drawing in a long breath as a motion to continue. You moved a little closer to him and looked into his eyes. “I love you.” he said. Lets be husband and wife.”

Jungwoo: He kept the mic too close to his lips. Between the static, your family and friends could hear the strain in his voice well, and could hear how hard it was for him to form a complete sentence. You took the mic and moved it back from his mouth so that he could continue. “Thank you,” Jungwoo said. “I don’t know what I  would do without you. You’re my everything. I wake up happy every day knowing that you’ll be there when I open my eyes. I’m a lucky man.” Jungwoo cleared his throat. He wanted to memorize his vows, but he knew he would never be able to look you in the eyes and say how he felt. It was easier to read from the crumpled paper in his suit pocket than to blubber all over you, snot running down his nose, and his cheeks red. Still, you could see him losing a bit of himself as he read the paper. Jungwoo continued, “ Don’t leave me, okay? Life would never be the same. I love you. There isn’t an existence where I will stop loving you.” 

Mark: He told himself he wouldn’t cry. Usually, when Mark felt emotional, he would look up to the sky so that his tears wouldn’t fall. If he did that now, he wouldn’t be able to watch you walking towards him, and he wouldn’t miss that for the world. So, Mark lets his tears fall down his cheeks. He didn’t wipe them away, didn’t care that anyone was watching him. “Hi.” he said, as soon as you could hear him. “Hi.” you said back, holding out your hand so that he could take it. Your smile was big, your heart growing bigger. Mark leaned in to kiss you until he realized that he couldn’t just yet. He laughed off the blunder and took a step back, his hands still in yours. You looked at the tears glistening on his cheek. They matched your own tears. “I love you.” you mouthed. Mark smiled, squeezing out the last of his tears. 

Haechan: “If you’re expecting me to be funny,” Haechan began. “You would guess wrong. I had a lot of jokes in my vows. I planned on embarrassing you in front of your family, but I think I’ll embarrass myself instead. Every day with you feels like heaven. With you, I’m a changed man. I cry when I think about leaving you. I miss you terribly when you’re gone. I talk to all my friends about you, even though it annoys them. Sometimes, when I wish things on my birthday, it’s a wish for you and our forever. I bet you weren’t expecting me to say any of this. I am a funny man, and you’ll see that up until we’re old and ugly. Until then, all I am is your man, and you’ve make me the luckiest man. I love you.” 

[moreidism]

this is the first moreid fanfic i’ve written :o long story short, i properly wrote the moreid soulmate!au i once posted here :D (here’s the link and i will also post it here… because why not lol)

‘Spencer Reid believed that he has truly prepared himself for everything on his first day at the BAU- except that he wasn’t expecting to meet his soulmate who also happened to be his team member- Derek Morgan.’

(i suck at summary pls act like this is sexy enough to seduce you to read this fic)

word count: 1.8k

It’s Spencer’s first day at the BAU.

He couldn’t help but feel nervous. He had his doubts about joining the unit, fearing that he wouldn’t fit in. He knew for a fact that he’s probably the youngest agent there- he’s probably the youngest in everything throughout everything he had experienced his whole life. From his childhood until now, he had always been that one kid who stood out from everyone else because of his age and yet he still felt nervous for his first day. Knowing how clumsy and uncoordinated he was, and how he couldn’t stop himself from talking once he opened his mouth, he really wished he wouldn’t make a fool out of himself in front of his team. Spencer knew he was an extraordinary man (although he never really admitted it out loud), that’s for sure and Gideon couldn’t let him go elsewhere- but Spencer had failed the physical tests many times- way too many that Gideon had to pull some strings so he could join the BAU.

He stood in front of the FBI building as he gently rubbed the spot on his wrist, written there was “hey pretty boy, what’s your name?”. Apparently, that was what his soulmate would say to him when they met for the first time. His soulmate’s first sentence- and it was also written in the said soulmate’s writing so Spencer considered himself lucky that his soulmate had a pretty handwriting. At school though, he would get teased a lot by the older students-

“Who would call a nerd like you pretty? You’re a boy.”

“I bet his soulmate is making fun of him when they first meet, who would call him that?”

“I’m sure they have sight problems.”

Spencer shuddered at the bad memories. He used to feel sad when people told him that but logically speaking, it would be his soulmate calling him pretty- so it’s not weird at all. It’s understandable. Till this day, Spencer hoped his soulmate wouldn’t be making fun of him because if that’s really the case, then that was just… mean.

Taking a deep breath, he nervously walked into the building, trying his best not to draw any attention to himself. The bodyguard sure looked surprised when Spencer told him he didn’t need visitor card because he’s a new agent there. He went straight to the elevator but before the door could close, another man walked in-

‘Whew he’s good looking’  Spencer thought to himself but he couldn’t help but feel intimidated by the man because he looked like the typical jock who used to make fun of him back in school. He tried his best not to stare at the man beside him because first, he didn’t want to look like a creep and second, he could feel the said man looking at him. He really couldn’t afford making an eye contact. It’s too early for that. It’s too early for him to deal with someone making fun of him- it’s his first day at work, it’s still morning and he’s only in the elevator- he hadn’t even arrived to his floor yet.

He kept on ignoring the man beside him as he tightly clutched to the cup of coffee he bought earlier, bringing his focus towards the floor.

“Hey pretty boy, what’s your name?”  the man asked.

Spencer’s brain stopped working- and his brain NEVER stopped working, never. Reluctantly, he turned his head slowly towards the man- they’re the same height so their eyes met once Spencer looked at him. It took him a few seconds for the reality to sink in- the handsome guy beside him was his soulmate. He just called me pretty, he said the exact things on my wrist oh my god-

“I see we’re going to the same floor so I’m assuming you’re the new guy Gideon told us about. He didn’t show us any picture but he did tell us that the he is young and you look young enough. Unfortunately, I forgot your name.”, his soulmate smiled apologetically. “Anyway, welcome to the team. I’m Derek Morgan, and you are?”

Spencer couldn’t help whatever that came out of his mouth after that. Or whatever that he impulsively did after that because despite the rational side of his brain telling him not to push the emergency stop button but he still did it anyway. Only once in a blue moon he found himself having this kind of courage and bravery and he didn’t want to hold back- not now.

“Did you know that the probability of meeting your soulmates in this kind of situation is low, around 9% which is recorded in a study done by the government in 2018 but it’s been confirmed that if you meet someone for the first time and they say the exact thing written on your skin then that person is 100% your soulmate, so there’s no reason for me to think that you’re not the one because no one would ever call me that so hi.”  Spencer exhaled all of those in one breath as he looked right into the man- Derek’s eyes. “I’m Spencer Reid.”

Derek stared at him for a few seconds before giving him an astonished look.

“Well hello Spencer.” Derek grinned as he stepped closer to him. “So, I’ve finally met the one who made me have a whole paragraph written on my left chest, with a very unique handwriting not to mention- but don’t worry, I can still read it.”

Spencer’s face was flushed as Derek said that. His handwriting was a bit peculiar than the others- just another thing to be added into the list of ‘How Spencer Reid is different from anybody else’.

“Turns out he’s very pretty and a genius too, ah what is it- IQ of 187 with eidetic memory isn’t it? You can also read up to 20000 words per minute.”

“How did you-”

“Gideon told us a lot about you even before. I do remember a few things since it’s not everyday I heard things like that.“ Derek proceeded to put his arm around Spencer’s narrow shoulder, leaning closer to his ear that Spencer could practically felt Derek’s breath on his skin. Spencer squirmed under his touch but couldn’t bring himself to push Derek away. He was uncomfortable with people invading his personal space like what Derek was doing now but honestly, he couldn’t care less. He couldn’t ignore how he felt comforted by the touch and instead of feeling horrified and he intended to keep that feeling for as long as he could.

Derek didn’t seem to notice Spencer dealing with his internal thoughts as he continued to whisper right into Spencer’s right ear. "Now I don’t really want to talk about Gideon with my soulmate although I should probably thank him, but hey pretty boy, if we’re lucky and we don’t have a case for today, how about I take you out for a dinner?”

Dinner?

Spencer played with the strap of his satchel bag as he shyly nodded. “Y-yeah- I would like that. A dinner. It sounds nice.”

“It’s a date then.“ Derek beamed with delight. "By the way, when you said no one would ever call you that, what do you mean? Is it pretty?” Derek asked curiously, still having his arm on Spencer’s shoulder.

“Yeah, you could say that… No one would ever call me that, rationally speaking. For my whole life, people made fun of me for having the word pretty on my wrist because they don’t think it suits me. I look like a nerd and my fashion sense isn’t that good- probably non-existent so it’s surprising to know that one day someone will call me pretty but it’s understandable because it’s coming from my soulmate who is you and you know what, I should stop talking now. I can talk for hours if no one stops me.” Spencer stopped himself from talking and exposing more of his whole childhood trauma to Derek. People always found it annoying when he talked and rambled.

“Hey, I sincerely mean it when I said that you’re pretty- just fix your style a little bit and you could pass as a model, who knows. You’re shy too, it’s kinda cute.” Derek couldn’t help but tease the younger man beside him. “If you want to talk, I’m all ears. It’s amazing to know that you have a lot of knowledge that it’s hard for you to stop talking. I don’t mind honestly- trust me it’s not annoying.”

Spencer couldn’t help but feel very contented and lucky- his soulmate, Derek was such a nice person (and Spencer also felt like crying because he felt like everything was happening too fast) . Never once in his life he had met people who willingly wanted to listen to his rambling and think that he’s good looking enough to be called pretty.

It’s really a nice feeling to be called pretty.

"Anyways I can’t wait to learn more about you Dr. Genius” Derek ruffled his hair before pushing the button once again. “I don’t know how to stay low and not obvious around other profilers but let’s keep this a secret for now shall we? I don’t want to overwhelm you on your first day of work with the team knowing this- especially Penelope. She won’t stop bombarding you with questions if she knows.” he chuckled. “Is that okay with you? I notice you get panic easily-”

“It’s okay.” Spencer told him. “more than okay actually. I came here, fully prepared to face my first day of work but I wasn’t expecting to meet my soulmate here, so staying low is nice for now-for today. Thank you.” he smiled gratefully at Derek.

The elevator door opened.

“I can’t promise that I won’t pay extra attention to you today- you’re my soulmate after all but don’t worry. I’ll just tell the others it’s because you’re the new guy and it’s nice to have another man in the team besides Gideon and Hotch.”

“I’m fine with that.” Spencer let out a shy smile again. He never experienced being the subject of someone’s attention and he couldn’t deny that he actually liked the feeling.

“Let’s hope this day won’t be like one of those long days- we have a date tonight.” Derek bopped him on the nose before walking out, gesturing for Spencer to follow him.

'I have a date tonight’  Spencer thought as his blush deepened. He slowly walked out of the elevator, following Derek from behind.

Yeah, a date, he would definitely love that. If he had doubts before then for sure, they’re gone by now. Joining the BAU was definitely one of the best choices he had ever done in his life.

- the end

[pinkykitten]

I was tagged by @writing-with-melon I hope my answers aren’t complete waste or if time and if so I’m sorry and I love you

Rules: Answer ten 10 questions, ask 10, and tag 10 people

1. What song automatically plays in your head when you look out the window on a long drive? 

i dont really have an answer for this. i think i just automatically think about any song ive been listening to recently or any song that has been stuck in my head. 

2.  Do you have some snacks nearby when you write?

well i live in a two story house so the kitchen is downstairs and im usually lazy busy so since i have a mini fridge upstairs i just usually get water to drink while im writing. its kinda hard to eat and write cuz i loose focus really easily so when i am writing i am writing! i am in the zone! but if i am a little hungry ill usually snack on candy like chocolate kinder joys i love them but they r so expensive or snack on chips but i get like salt on my fingers or i like cheetos so cheetos dust and that just gets everywhere and later my hands and keyboard kinda smell like fart. 3. What do you do to combat creative burnout?

so burnout happens to me a lot so to get inspiration i either read other stories or fanfics which gets my head gears turning or i admire a piece of art or photography or a song. whats so unique and satisfying with writing you can explore and go anywhere with it, hehehe erotic if you know what i mean lol jk there are no barriers with writing just your imagination. there is inspiration any where you go and id advise to never stop writing. even if its a few short sentences or paragraphs about anything even bird poop its still progression and your mind is working and your searching for words like its all good for you bby.  4. Do you use (or like to use) prompts? 

i do ill put the link here. im thinking of changing it though to do something different. 

5. What is your favorite place to write?

lol boring, i know but my room. my room is really bright in the mornings and comfortable and chill and i have a candle of the pandora ride in disney that smells like the ride so its all good and relaxing and super peaceful plus i have a picture of myself the age of like 9 on my desk idk why but it encourages me and makes me focus to make sure i never get that cringy again. 

6. What is a hobby or yous that you usually don’t talk about?

well i like working out HAHAHAHAHA jk that was a joke...get it...cuz i much rather be eatingokillstop. but i really like to draw which i have a art page you can see it if you click here pls look at my failed attempts to be hip and cool with the cool kids and being artsy fartsy. another hobby is i really like to do makeup and nail art, nail art is really tough guys no joke if you do it like you got wizard powers are something. maybe its bc my nails are shorter than pete davidson and ariana grande’s relationship, alright im trying to stop i swear!

7. Do you play an instrument? Which one?

no i wish though. i always wanted to learn to either play the piano or electric guitar cuz H.E.R looks so cool doing it. 

8. How do you feel about your handwriting?

it sucks dont even try me. my sister can barely read it like no wonder nobody wants to steal my signature heck they can’t even read it!

9. Can you tell us of a story that marked your development as a person? As a writer?

ok sit back guys, sniff a nice amount of crack and get ready for the most cringy moment of my life but also a time when i knew i was meant to be *inhale* a fanfic writer. 

so it was elementary school, i think 3rd grade and for my writing assignment we were given a prompt of idk what the heck tbh i think it was like be outside the box and im like ok imma nail this cuz im a weird child and yeah so i got my papers and pencil and i went TO TOWN on this paper. so i wrote two stories. one short story with a picture to go with it and one long story that yeah i buried years ago. so my first story was about a farmer was about that farming life. he had chickens and dairy. so i cant remember if the cheese was spoiled but doesnt matter. anywho these cheese and a chicken were alive like they could talk in the story and i gave them faces, yikes. but the whole story was the farmer was a b*tch and he was trying to eat the chicken and cheese so they hatched a plan to get away from the farmer. they did it successfully and they ran away. yay happy ending my teacher actually liked that one me too and my school mates were thinking what they heck is this girl on i made a story about how me and justin bieber made cookies for Christmas you know. so then my other story i was more proud of this one cuz it was a tone of paper, sorry trees, and this story was about how a female hippo (girl i was all about plus size and thicker girls and no body shaming) and an male ostrich were kidnapped from their own habitats and taken to become circus animals. failed version of Madagascar hey mine was before the circus movie OK THEY STOLE IT FROM MEEEEE. so they get taken and are treated to harsh punishment and the animals can talk and i think its in the point of view of the male ostrich guy thing. they are in the circus and they start to have this relationship happening. love starts blossoming its all good. im happy with this cuz i believed in love at age of 8. they find a way thru a kick butt scene of the animals escaping and the hippo and ostrich are so in love that they run away together and they have half hippo half ostrich babies and i think i named the species  hipstrich or like ostppo idk but i was so proud of this story and when my teacher read it she was worried about me lol i think she thought i might like mate these two animals like secretly idk but she was like it was ok and i was like what this is frickin William Shakespeare writing or like F. Scott Fitzgerald writing. nevertheless it taught me a lesson that nobody else needs to like what im writing the main point and only thing that matters is if your proud of it and you like it and i really did. i will remember that story forever and thats what made me want to be a writer. lol sorry that was a lot. 

10. @emdop I’m going to use this great question: Explain one of your WIPs in the most ridiculous way possible. 

wellllll im working on my peaky blinders oc story its a lot of drugs money killing weapons jewelry rich profanities like its the show but written from my stubby hands so my oc and whatever its great and so excited to show it to you guys. 

MY QUESTIONS:

1. WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO START TUMBLR?

2. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ANYTHING OF THIS WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

3. WHAT QUALITY IS IMPORTANT TO YOU?

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE OUTFIT?

5. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE?

6. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG IN THE WHOLE WORLD?

7. IF YOU COULD VISIT A PLACE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?

8. WHAT SHOW OR MOVIE UNIVERSE WOULD YOU WANT TO BE IN?

9. WHAT IS THE SCARIEST MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE?

10. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE IN THIS WORLD THAN ANYTHING ELSE?

im tagging: @thatlittlered, @ardentmuse, @acciosnapes, @lotsoffandomimagines, @collecting-stories, @blog-of-a-multitude-of-fandoms, @naughtyneganjdm, @lenahellgizibe and two random followers @spiritsent, @sucker-for-my-fandoms

i was tagged by @writing-with-melon again ty btw, ps i felt so much pressure lol jk 😊

Rules: Answer 5 questions, Ask 5 questions, Tag 5 people.

1. What is your favorite book?

fifty shades of grey hahaha naw my favorite book is obv you all know this is series of unfortunate events but i never usually cry period and i never cry for books ever so when i read mrs. tom thumb by melanie benjamin, its the part when her sister minnie dies i cried so hard idk it was just emotional the wording the way she described her pain it was so beautiful written yet so sad and that was just amazing to me cuz im like this book made me feel things and im like wow i would love to write a book one day and make someone feel something whether it be sadness anger happiness annoyance anything they are having an emotion and that is super powerful to do that with just words. pls go check out that book its a good read. also im a fan of the greatest showman so i really enjoyed it. there are many other books tho that i thoroughly enjoy so much. 

2. What piece that you’ve written are you most proud of?

oh my god ive always wanted to be asked this question hands down i am always proud of my platonic gender neutral tony stark fic called in·con·sol·a·ble window to me i wrote it so sad and i was feeling like depressed lol when i saw peter die in infinity war like i didnt know what to do with my life tbh but im so glad that @impetrichorny requested it tysm i just like how its not based on romance or fluff or happiness it is based on when you lose someone the nightmares and sadness you go through and that there is nothing nobody can do about it except just be there for that person so i really like writing angst and something that was out of the box. ive been thinking tho of doing a part two since the fate of all the characters has changed after endgame. who knows tho. 

3. What is the last song that inspired you? 

well for art it would have to good news by mac miller when i did that kobe bryant memorial on my art page. i dont want to give it away though but ill just say some very powerful womens music inspired my oc writing and making. 

4. How do you feel about letting people read what you write?

at first i was scared cuz i thought i wrote like trash which that feeling kinda doesnt go away like some days i feel that way others i feel confident or it depends on the request it just depends but anyways i was always insecure about my writing so when i started writing it was more like lets see how this goes if not ill delete the whole page. im glad to say it went great but in the begging it was hard cuz i kept putting myself down but i learned to accept or just understand that you keep learning with writing you always learn knew things with writing how you can explain something better or you words get more intricate and people see the improvement and you do too thats why i applaud those who dont speak english that english isnt their first language. you are doing a tremendous job and keep practicing cuz you’re gonna make it to the top. ive also learned that some days are not my days and you can take time off when youre not feeling it when you have writers block. just recollect your juices sip some tea go to the beach relax your mind a little and take as long as you need to come back and give it your all. also comments and reblogs and likes a follows those meant so much to me and encouraged me. thats why i cant express it enough how much all those mean to writers, artist, photographers, anybody who is truly trying their hard in this area of social media. its makes a person happy smile and confident in their writing but first train your mind into loving what you make not what others thing. you have to be happy with the outcome that is what truly matters and what makes your writing the best. look at me getting philosophical. 

5. Do you get distracted easily? If yes with what?

yes and with porn haha i get distracted easily like very easily homeschooling was really tough for me. music distracts me, netflix, the urge to watch david dobrik or unus annus or buzzfeed unsolved on youtube, heck my farts distract me. i gotta be like troy bolton i gotta get my HEAD IN THE GAME!

MY QUESTIONS:

1. IF YOU COULD BE NAMED SOMETHING ELSE, WHAT WOULD YOU BE NAMED?

2. WHAT PERSON INSPIRES YOU THE MOST?

3. IF YOU KNEW THE WORLD WAS ENDING TOMORROW WHAT WOULD YOU DO TODAY?

4. WHAT DO YOU OFTEN THINK ABOUT IN THE SHOWER?

5. WHATS YOUR WEIRD COMBINATION FOOD?

im tagging: @thatlittlered​, @ardentmuse​, @acciosnapes​, @lotsoffandomimagines​, @collecting-stories​ AND WHOEVER WANTS TO DO THIS IF YOU FOLLOW ME OR LIKE MY STORIES TAG ME ILL READ YOUR ANSWERS. HOPE I DID THIS RIGHT SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING MWUAH 

[thismads]

1-102 thanks

1.) what’s a song you depict with your childhood? Best of both world - Hannah montana PLS 2.) did you have a memorable childhood pet? yes my angels may they rest in heaven3.) have you ever been drunk? nope, alcohol is useless and stupid4.) have you ever tried drugs?  nope, drugs are useless and stupid 5.) have you ever completely regretted what you’ve said? nope I rarely does, even when i’m angry i’m honest and people that tells that you don’t mean what you say when you’re angry you always do, it’s  just that you’re more honest when you’re angry6.) have you ever made someone cry? yes, I selena gomezed my old justin bieber :D 7.) has someone ever made you cry? yes8.) have you ever been in love? if so, describe the moment you knew it. yes, and I knew it when I couldn’t feel my cheek from smiling when he only said hi 9.) which came first the chicken or the egg? chicken, next :D 10.) are you part of the lgbtq+ community? do you support them? nope i’m not a part of it but yes I support them 298456543256543% they are superior i said what i said 11.) how many siblings do you have? 1, this little shithead i’d b nothing without :D12.) have you ever been in love with someone you couldn’t love? yes13.) are you a good cook? ask @lordbieber he would ask me to cook for him all the time haha but fr I tend to be a good cook tbh14.) what is your favorite tv show? Buffy The Vampire Slayer15.) what is the last movie you cried during? Sleepers16.) what are songs you’ve cried to when you first heard them? (if any) Anyone - Demi fucking goddess Lovato17.) do you have a middle name? Marie 18.) have you been out of your country? yes19.) are you a chocolate fan or not? DUH DOES A BLIND PERSON WANTS TO SEE20.) how many people have you kissed? a girl never reveal those ;) 21.) what is your favorite album? any P!nk’s old albums22.) what is your dream car? a porsche or Maserati23.) what is your lucky/favorite number? 624.) what is your favorite flower? roses and cherry blossoms25.) books or movies, why? books lmaoooo just because it’s superior, it comes from 26.) have you ever been on a blind date? yes thank you ophelie :D 27.) has one of your friends ever backstabbed you? DUH more than I could count28.) have you ever backstabbed one of your friends? never29.) what thing do you symbolize love with? hurting30.) do you have neat handwriting? nope 31.) do you have a friend with benefits? aaaaah lmao nope32.) do you want a friend with benefits? nope i’m too much of a helpless dumb and depressive romantic bitch :D 33.) if you could be anything in the world, what would you be? right now? toilet paper cause this shit’s gold these day LMAOOO jk but idk .. a star or a planet, as far away as possible form human kind34.) have you ever been blackout drunk? nope, hate alcohol, useless and stupid35.) have you ever met someone famous? Yes36.) how many concerts have you been to? 037.) which concerts have you been to? none38.) do you have a hidden talent? I exude dumb bitch energy for decades to come without anyone asking :D 39.) what do you do when you’re stressed? die lmao no but sleep or listening to music40.) do you think money can buy love? dunno i’ve always been a broke ass bitch :D 41.) how old would you date? up to 2 year older than me42.) have you ever done something illegal? yes43.) what is your biggest fear? spiders, horror movies and not being able to breathe44.) what is an unusual fear you have? fuits seeds lmaooo I hate those they creep me out lmaoo lemon seeds? HORROR MOVIE45.) can you drive? nope46.) do you believe in supernatural creatures? i’m here so DUH yes47.) do you believe in karma? yes and everyone should48.) what is one quality you need in your partner? loyalty, honesty and sense of humor 49.) do looks matter? yes, cause if the man looks like a hobo I won’t be too turned on lmao50.) does size matter? height speaking? yes. i’m 5′1 but other than that I mean we can manage ;) 51.) who is the last person you forgave? myself xx52.) what is your favorite ice cream flavor? vanilla 53.) what languages can you speak besides english? french, and a lil bit of spanish and italian54.) ever been on a plane? yes, best time of my life55.) ever been on a boat? yes, worst time of my life56.) is there anyone you’ve lost touch with that you wish you hadn’t? nope57.) are there any friendships you regret? nope all of the people that are in my life are meant to be there and those who aren’t must not be there at this exact moment of my life :D58.) are there any friendships you wish you could make? duh.. where is madison beer 59.) have you ever stayed awake for 24 (+) hours? yes60.) have you ever walked outside after 12 am? yes61.) have you ever seen a sunrise completely through? yes62.) are you scared of rollercoasters? nope not at all my biggest dream is too jump off a plane63.) on a scale of 1-10 how stressed are you usually? I’m not very stressed.. unless it’s school lmaoo but i’d say my peak is 2 64.) do you have any plans this weekend? It’s a quarantine time bebe so I plan on breathing which is already more than enough65.) do you miss anyone right now? yes66.) who do you wish you were talking to right now? aaaah secrets67.) if you could have any superpower, what would it be? controlling the 4th elements68.) who is your favorite superhero? Henry Cavill, yes he saves life with his accent and features I SAID WHAT I SAID69.) are you dirty minded? yes lmaoo soz xx70.) what is your favorite song from every decade starting at that 80’s?80′s (my fave era about music) : Part time lover - Stevie Wonder &  Hotel california by the eagles / 90′s: Unbreak my heart : Toni Braxton / 2000′s: Lose yourself - Eminem & back to black - Amy Winehouse 10′s ugh there’s so many bops atm i’m 71.) how many kids, if any, do you want? 272.) who is your biggest OTP? Me and pasta73.) what is your favorite food? pasta74.) do you want to be married one day? Yes75.) dogs or cats? cats76.) do you drink enough water daily? Nope I don’t drink water on a daily77.) have you ever seen a shooting star? yes the most beautiful thing the life has given us78.) if you had the opportunity to go to the moon, would you? fly me to the moon and let me play among the starssss YES I WOULD BYE WORLD79.) how many best friends do you have? I have a lot of good friends but @thisamick‘s my main bitch80.) when was the last time you cried? Idk I was watching Sleepers!81.) have you ever laughed so hard you peed yourself? YES82.) have you ever made anyone laugh so hard they peed? Yes I did it was the funniest shit83.) if you could travel any where in the world, where would you go? California 84.) what are 3 words you would use to describe yourself?  Loyal, funny and @thisamick said perfect but it’s all a lie so I’d say honest :D85.) do you consider yourself a loyal person? one of the most loyal person u’ll ever find86.) what is your favorite season and why? Fall, because the colors, the weather, the mood, the leaves on the ground, all of it87.) have you ever told anyone you loved them, and didn’t mean it? nope never omg what a horrible move88.) do you know how to play any instruments? I wish but nope89.) do like like falling asleep to music or not? yesss omg my fave, a daily routine, a lifestyle90.) what are you allergic to? life and people91.) have you ever wanted to be someone else for a day just so you could see what there life is like? yessss92.) if you could be any character from your favorite tv show would you, and if so, who would you be? yes I would def be Buffy93.) if you could be best friends with any celebrity who would it be and why? Madison Beer or Angelina Jolie94.) are you outgoing? when you know me yes95.) have you ever wanted to kiss someone, but weren’t brave enough to? duh yes96.) are you a good flirt? tbh yes lmao97.) have you ever been turned down, or have you ever turned anyone down? yes and no at least I don’t think I ever did?98.) which planet is your favorite? Jupiter or Saturn99.) are you superstitious? no100.) are you a good listener? yes 101.) are you a good kisser? hun I leave a indelible mark baby ;) 102.) would you kiss any of your friends? girl friends? yes // boy friends? nope

[detroit-extended]

Youtuber!AU

the requests are done and ya’ll seem to really love this AU. pls enjoy part 2! Here’s a link to part 1 lmao

“You got this, okay? Breathe, you slut.”

“What North is trying to say is that you may be a slut, but you’re the slut. It’s just a video. You’re not getting married.”

“Josh is right. Stop sweating. Connor would be grossed out if your sweaty hands get all over his controller.”

“Oh fuck,” Markus said as he wiped his palms on his jeans.

“That’s not the only thing he’s getting his hands on, amiright- OW! That fucking hurt, Josh.”

“Sexual innuendos are what got us flagged, North.”

“So?”

“We got five videos removed, North.”

“So?”

“I worked hard editing those, North.”

“Oh, fine. You win. Whatever. I could probably edit better than you, anyway.”

“Using what? Powerpoint?”

“Children, please.”

“Sorry,” North and Josh muttered to simultaneously.

“What do I even do? Guys, I’ve drawn him with a six pack. I've drawn his bulge. I’ve read fanfiction. I’ve made fanfiction.”

“It means you’re creepy.”

“It means you’re dedicated.”

“Thanks, Simon. I just-”

“Looks like we’re here. Let’s go, gang”

“Wait, I thought we were going to his place to live stream a horror game?”

“No, you idiot. We’re putting you in a horror game.”

“North, you’re not making any sense.”

“We’re dumping you in an escape room with your lover. Thank us later.”

“Josh, let’s rethink this.”

“Isn’t that his car? I’m honking at him.”

“Simon, you monster.”

“Markus, you rude bitch, you’re making him come out to greet us!”

“But I-”

“Guys, he’s walking towards us!”

“Quick, Simon, open Markus’ window!”

“No, no, no-”

Simon pulled down the window beside Markus. The four were silent as a strikingly handsome young man approached them with an easy smile. He leaned down to greet them in the car.

“Hi. My name is Connor. I suppose you guys are Jericho?”

There was a pregnant pause. Markus was trembling and unabashedly gaping at his idol. His friends were trying to stifle their laughter.

“Um, yes! My name is Jericho- wait, no. My name is Markus. Yeah, Markus. You?”

His three companions groaned.

“Oh, um.” Connor awkwardly scratched the back of his head.

Markus panicked. “No! No! I’m so sorry! I know who you are! Well, I guess you just introduced yourself and I’m just a huge fan and can I please have your autograph?”

“Well,” he laughed and Markus wanted to cry, “I suppose we’ll see. Let’s get into the building, shall we?”

Before he could answer, his friends were already slamming their doors to get out.

“Pleasure meeting you, Mr. Anderson. I’m Simon. Markus definitely made sure I knew all about you.” Simon grinned teasingly and shook his hand. Markus was staring at them with growing horror from inside the vehicle.

“Hey, I’m Josh.” He waved. “Markus made me watch most of your videos with him. You’re pretty amazing!”

“Sup, I’m North.” She smirked. “I can get you quick access to all his love poems, fanfiction, and fanart dedicated to you. It’ll cost you, though.”

“I do like reading.” Connor said politely, although, his eyebrows were slightly furrowing in confusion due to the... strange introductions.

“So!” Markus finally exited the car, albeit with very little grace. “An escape room, eh? We should probably go.”

His eyes surveyed Connor, hoping for his approval. He sighed with relief when the said Youtuber agreed.

----

The door to the room was built to look like the entrance of a mausoleum. Markus willed himself to not look like an idiot. This was his chance! He’s played so many horror games. He wasn’t going to get one little room stop him.

“Are your cameras alright?” Connor asked. Markus fumbled with the GoPro strapped on his head and chest. He numbly nodded at him.

“Alright,” Simon called as he clasped his hands together, “You’ve got one hour to escape. There’s an intercom there if you want to use a hint or talk to us. Try not to break anything. Management is already a bit put off by North.”

“How was I not supposed to punch that stupid clown in the face?”

“Anyway, you think you guys can do this?”

Connor smirked determinedly. “I always accomplish my mission.”

“Oh, my god he said the thing,” Markus mumbled to himself.

“Great! Wear the blindfolds and hold each other’s hand please.”

“Why-”

“Just do it, Markus.”

“You guys-”

He shut himself up when he felt Connor tie a blindfold over his eyes. He could feel his skin gently skimming over the back of his neck. He shivered.

“We’re ready now,” he heard Connor say.

“Great!” North replied. “Now hold hands when you go in, please. It’s a safety precaution. Really.”

“You’re one big liar-”

Again, he quickly shut up when Connor’s fingers gently laced with his. His heart beat wildly. He was close to tears.

“We can do this,” Connor determinedly whispered into his ear.

Markus heard nothing. He just felt Connor’s breath teasing his skin.

“See you in an hour, guys!” That was the last thing they heard before they were unceremoniously shoved into the escape room.

The got rid of the blindfolds quickly. However, Markus noted, they were still holding hands.

“It’s very dark. There should be a flashlight here somewhere.” Connor muttered to his left. “Oh, there it is.” Markus was being dragged to the corner of a room. Suddenly, his idol’s face was blinking at him, illuminated by the sudden light. “Here, have one, too.” He gave Markus another flashlight.

“Thanks.” He praised whatever deities were out there that Connor couldn’t clearly see how much he was panicking.

They surveyed the room. It was fairly small and old fashioned, like a Victorian era grave yard for the aristocrats. There was a number of scattered objects. Blood and water smeared the wall. Eerie music played in the background.

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“W-what for?”

“I’m still holding your hand.”

“... It’s fine.”

“Really? Okay.”

He expected Connor to let go. 

He didn’t.

“Look at this, Markus! It’s a note!”

Markus was lead to a wall. Written in what looked like blood was a message.

‘I’m dead. Mommy killed me. She threw me in a well and watched me drown. I don’t like her very much. Did mommy send you here? Does she want to laugh at me again? No! I don’t like you! If you don’t leave, I’ll drown you, too!’

They heard child-like laughter echo within the room.

“Our best choice is to leave, I presume.”

“You’re not wrong.”

Markus was being pulled everywhere. He was barely even playing, really. He was simply following Connor as he solved every riddle and found every clue in a blink of an eye. Markus didn’t mind. He really liked listening to him.

“The buyer doesn’t want it, the seller doesn't- oh. Obviously a coffin. Does that mean the next clue is in the small coffin in the corner? Let’s see.”

Markus opened the coffin for Connor. There was a piece of paper inside. The handwriting was quite ugly and child-like. It contained the riddle:

Behind the words, behind the papers

I am the door of never-ending favours

“Behind the words...” Markus trailed off in contemplation.

Connor had his eyes narrowed, deep in thought. “What could it mean? We’re so close, Markus! I can feel it!”

Connor subconsciously tightened his grip on Markus’ hand. He didn’t mind in the slightest.

“Hold on. Behind the... papers? Connor, it’s behind the bookshelf! We gotta-” Connor quickly pulled themselves to the tall shelf stacked with books.

“Let’s try getting rid of the books. We might find something.” Connor meticulously picked off the literature.

Markus, however, was staring at one particular tome. It was titled ‘When I Drowned’. Could it..?

He gently attempted to pry it off, but instead, as he moved the book, it set off a mechanism that prompted the shelf to move. There was a hidden passage.

Connor gasped. “Markus, you’re brilliant!”

He didn’t get to reply because he was being pulled into the darkened halls. Connor was practically running with excitement, almost leaving him behind. Markus was careful to make sure neither of them tripped.

“It’s a well!” Connor said mostly to himself.

Markus raised an eyebrow. “The well where she died?”

“Most probably. What do we do now? There’s nothing else in here.”

Suddenly, from up above them, they hear the voice of a young girl.

“You’ve found me... Does mommy want to see me drown again? Well, I don’t want to! I will kill-”

“Wait a fucking minute. North, is that you?!”

Connor nudged him on the shoulder. “You can’t cut off ghosts, Markus. It’s impolite.”

“But it’s-”

“Be quiet! How will I know if you’re not here to hurt me?”

Connor was the one to answer. “We just want to escape. If you help us, we’ll be on our way. How can we prove that we’re good?”

“Mommy hates love... so she hated me! You need to prove to me that you’re capable of love!”

“I own a dog. I love him very much. I love Hank, too-”

“You’re lying! You need to prove it or I won’t believe your shit!”

Markus rolled his eyes. “Victorian-era aristocratic kids didn’t swear, North.”

With her normal voice, she replied. “Just shut up, will you? Anyway, ahem- prove to me that you know how to love!”

“But how?” Connor inclined his head to the side.

“Not you. I want the man next to you to prove it.”

“Why the hell-”

“Do as I say or I’ll drown you! No one will help you even if you cry! Even if you beg! Even if you scream!”

“Oh, whatever. Fine, what do I do?”

“Kiss your companion’s cheek.”

“Excuse you?!”

“Did I stutter? Kiss him, Markus.”

“You’re not even doing the voice anymore. Oh, god. I’m so sorry, Connor. My friends are awful and I just-”

“Just kiss me, you fool.”

“What.”

“What.”

“We need to escape,” Connor cheekily smiled at a dumbfounded Markus, “it’s okay. Just kiss me.”

“Oh my god, Simon do you hear this-” They heard North from the intercom.

Markus coughed. “I wouldn’t want to do anything that would make you uncomfortable!”

But Connor already prepared his cheek, slightly leaning it upwards for a better angle. Markus gulped. 

“FUCKING DO IT, YOU PIECE OF GARBAGE!”

“North, please.”

“GET OFF MY DICK, SIMON.”

The two ignored the bickering. Connor was waiting and Markus was panicking.

“Okay, if we’re really going to do this, I just want you to know that I’m so sorry-”

“Markus...”

“A-alright! Here I go!” Markus closed his eyes and leaned in to kiss his cheek.

Far too quickly, Connor moved his head to kiss Markus on the lips. Markus let out a gasp, but Connor held his hand tightly. They deepened the kiss.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-”

The screams of three different people resonated within the room. They both jumped apart, their hands separated now. It felt lonely. Connor’s face was bright red whilst Markus was hyperventilating in the corner.

After a few seconds of silence, a door from seemingly out of nowhere opened.

“Guys, we just asked for a cheek kiss. Ya’ll are so horny.”

“Damn, Markus. You move quick. You got French kissed by the guy you’ve probably written smut about.”

“Let’s head outside, hmm? Congratulations, you two! You’ve escaped!”

The duo shared a glance and let out incredulous laughs.

“That was fun,” Connor said to Markus quietly as the exited.

He shyly grinned. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Would you... like to do this again sometime?”

Markus powered through the heart attack that was destroying his soul. “That’d be nice,” he answered as smoothly as he could.

Connor smiled softly and intertwined his fingers once more with Markus. They walked out of the building together hand-in-hand.

“Um... where are they going? We parked on the other side...?”

“Love leads you to mysterious places, North. Let’s not question it.”

[zapcamon]

A young woman stands alone in the guest bedroom. The woman is holding what seems to be a poorly photocopied photo of Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter, albeit with crude marker alterations. It’s the best you can do, really. You’re an aspiring architect, goddammit, not an artist!

You drop it somewhere in front of the bed, where it can be easily seen by whomever walks into the door. You really, really don’t want to make your disappearance a mystery. Granted, this act of a “farewell” is pretty vague on it’s own but you’re expecting that they’re curious enough to turn it over.

On the other side is more crude marker squiggles, except this time it happens to be your own handwriting. You were seriously debating on what to put, the limited space on the paper isn’t quite helpful. However, it may get you out of the habit of oversharing so you can just say what’s important. With a yellow, and much finer instrument, it’s scrawled as so. 

“hey so i dont know when or if im coming back. i cant deny that my ass would be dead w/o u guys. the babies are w me now (’cept ms tinkles) so dont worry abt them. im sorry it had to go like this but its the only way i could do it w/o hurting either of us. it was a fun ride and i love u both. not to pull a stock movie phrase but i think it’s better this way. for everyone. and thank you, you lovable dorks

ps nero’s hot uncle, if ur reading this pls keep in touch >;)”

This is silly. This is incredibly silly. This is basically a Dear John letter but with lesser stakes. You don’t even LIKE romcoms what’s up with you?

A lot of things really. You don’t want to tell them upfront because you don’t want their reactions to influence an action you’re already dead-set on doing. You’ve come to terms that you really are a coward sometimes. That’s always been your problem. You see a gap on the floor, you immediately try to pole-vault across it without understanding the risks. You persistently leap off the metaphorical ground, flailing your lanky legs to search for metaphorical footing but instead you fall into the metaphorical hole to your metaphorical death. You never had the equipment nor the experience to deal with such matters. That’s why it crashes down whenever something goes wrong. That’s why you can’t help but think this whole reason why you’ve been so upset all along is...

You clearly need them more than they need you. It’s sickens you. You’re not supposed to “need” anyone. You’re supposed to be living on your own to make ends meet while searching clues for Lauriam. Not that you need HIM eit-

Fuck it, yes you do. You’ve always needed someone. Going around house-to-house for anyone giving you the time of day is proof of that as well. You miss him so much, and it’s time he’s on the forefront of your mind again. Lest you lose your way again to trivial romantic bullshit that ends up going anywhere.

It’s hard to not cry. Thinking of everything that lead up to this, thinking how much time you wasted, thinking how really fucking stupid you really are. You have to immediately wipe away your wet eyes, however. If Nero senses you crying again, he’ll have to march up here and you’ll have to explain yourself. 

The bruises surrounding your body are a constant reminder of what brought you here. They make it difficult to just leave this place behind, but you’ll manage. You grab your three cats and walk towards a corridor of darkness. If this was some sentimental anime, you would have perhaps took one last look back, sigh morosely and give one more quiet parting word despite being in an empty room. But life’s more than a cheesy romcom or anime. Life’s about having to pull the bandage off quick so you don’t feel the pain. Sometimes that means leave without saying a word and not looking back.

It’s time to go back to your real home now.

[shawol9196]

BFF AU 6/?

“Am I allowed to know where we’re going?” “Nope. It’s a surprise.” “What if we get lost?” “Then it’s just extra surprising.”

no warnings, but there’s another dick joke

hello yes i know it’s been a year but i have returned to this au

Jonghyun and Minho decide to reschedule their date for the next Monday. Though it hurt him to see Minho so upset the previous week, Jonghyun’s in a way glad for the extra time.

Chat: ㅎㅅ~

Jjongie: is my seat in your car still reserved for tonight?

CineMin: as long as you’re still wanting it ^^

CineMin: How am I supposed to dress tonight?

Jjongie: Wear.......whatever you think you look most handsome in ㅎㅅ~

CineMin: That’s incredibly unhelpful

Jjongie: That’s true, you are a cutie at All Times

CineMin: In the words of Bummie, ‘That Sounds Fake But Ok’

Jjongie: I’m wearing jeans and a sweater if that’s Helpful

CineMin: yes thank

CineMin: I’m leaving as soon as I get dressed ^^

Jjongie: ok ㅎㅅ~

Minho drives up right at 7, just as Jonghyun is making his way out. He puts his backpack full of goodies in the backseat before getting in.

“Are we doing homework on our date?” Minho asks, pulling back into traffic.

“Nope. You’ll see.”

“Where am I headed, navigator?” “Turn right at the next light.”

“Am I allowed to know where we’re going?”

“Nope. It’s a surprise.”

“What if we get lost?”

“Then it’s just extra surprising.”

Minho laughs and follows Jonghyun’s directions. It throws him off a little, too used to Kibum’s constant questioning and verification, but at the same time it’s nice to be trusted once in a while. As they get further away from the university, Minho turns as if to say something but in the end remains silent. Jonghyun turns up the radio a little, trying to hum along to whatever’s playing.

“I was going to bring cd’s with me so you might have an actual selection of things that I like but they’ve suspiciously gone missing from my house so the radio it is.” Minho explains at a stop light.

“No worries. Well, at least no worries about having to listen to the radio. That seems a little worrying that they’ve gone missing.”

“It’s a 50/50 that my brother’s borrowing them or my mom tossed them because she doesn’t like it. Just the usual.”

“That sucks,” Jonghyun says. He tries to think of something relatable or something comforting but nothing comes to mind, so instead he just tells Minho to turn at the sign. They park and get out of the car. Jonghyun grabs his backpack out before meeting Minho at the front of the car. He offers his hand, which Minho takes, and they head out of the lot.

“So what are we doing? I don’t think I’ve ever been to this park before and you don’t seem like the outdoorsy type, no offense. ”

“None taken. I made us a picnic.”

“Wait, really?”

Minho sounds excited and it adds to Jonghyun’s own.

“Yup! I stole food I’ve already paid for from the dining hall and made us sandwiches. I also brought my favorite chips and Kibum sent something of the dessert variety that he wouldn’t name.”

“I can’t remember the last time I had a picnic. Actually that’s a lie because Bummie and I have picnics in my treehouse all the time but like I don’t think I’ve had a proper outside-on-a-blanket picnic since elementary school.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s illegal to go that long without a proper picnic.”

Minho laughs at Jonghyun’s matter-of-fact tone and starts swinging their arms just a little.

“My sister and I always take my mom for a picnic on mothers’ day and usually her birthday also. She owns a restaurant so it kind of kills the ‘let us take you to some fancy place’ thing.”

“Your mom owns a restaurant? That’s so neat.”

“It is. My mom is objectively the coolest. She said that if this date goes well that I’m required by law to take you there for the next one so they can meet you but honestly my mom’s a soft pushover so if that’s not comfortable for you I’ll just take Kibum for shits and giggles.”

“Do you think your mom will like me?”

“Yes because she can find a good point in anyone but also yes because you’re a sweetheart and the definition of guy-you-take-home-to-meet-your-mom to quote Kibum.”

Minho laughs again. The park is rather full but as they make their way over towards the river they spot a space just big enough for two.

“Also, my sister is the prettiest girl on the planet and you're absolutely not allowed to date her."

"Seeing as I’m on a date here with you I don't think that's gonna be much of an issue."

Jonghyun pulls his picnic cloth out of his backpack and they set about getting it as nicely flat as they can.

“I just wanted that clear and out there. Bro code, or whatever it is.”

Minho almost falls over with laughter.

“Bro code? At this point I think it’s more of ‘don’t cheat on me with my sister’ code’ but okay.”

Jonghyun ignores him, going about setting out the sandwiches (one for him, two for Minho), chips, and bag of oddly shaped gummies. They talk through the first two portions of their dinner: stories about other dates gone wrong, of current college shenanigans, of hopes and dreams for the future. Minho’s the one to discover the note inside the bag of gummies. He reads it -- albeit rather slowly -- and is rolling on the ground in tears before Jonghyun gets a chance to ask him what it is. He reaches out for the paper, gently pulling it out of Minho’s hand. It doesn’t take him long to recognize the handwriting but it takes him a while to understand the message.

To my homegays

The only dick-in-mouth stories I want to hear about tonight are about these gummies. Heechul hopes you two have a gay ol time. Don’t get kicked out of the park for making out, please.

Platonically

K.K.

“What does that even mean???”

“Look....look in the bag” Minho struggles, trying to recover.

To his amusement, he realizes the gummies in the back are in fact penis shaped. He can’t decide if Heechul is hilarious or disgusting, but puts the debate to the back of his mind as he admires Minho’s dimples which are rosy with laughter. Bag of gummies eaten, they decide to take a walk before heading back.  THey stand and Minho helps him fold the blanket. While Jonghyun puts it in his backpack, Minho leans down once more.

“What are you doing?” he asks, zipping up the bag and slinging it over his shoulder.

“Your shoe’s untied.”

“Oh.”

It seems like such a silly thing to be excited over, but as Jonghyun watches Minho double knot his laces his heart races. Minho stands and smiles.

“I can carry the backpack if you want.” he offers.

“No, I got it. You can hold my hand though.”

Minho laughs and takes his hand. They set off walking along the river. It’s peaceful, most of the crowd having left during their picnic. They stay quiet until they reach the second bridge. They don’t follow it immediately, pausing at the branch in the footpath.

“If we followed the river, where do you think we would end up?” Minho asks.

“At the sea I suppose. If we could even follow it that far. There’s probably a dam on it at some point.”

Minho doesn’t answer, but stares down where the river bends out of view.

“We should probably head back.” Jonghyun says softly.

“Oh, yeah, sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

They take the bridge across and make their way back up to the parking lot.

“I had a nice time.” Jonghyun says when they get back in the car.

“Me too. The sandwiches were really good.”

Jonghyun decides to make his move.

“Minho...do you remember last week, when you got drunk, do you remember what we talked about?”

There’s more than a little fear in Minho’s eyes and he shakes his head. “I remember crying and then it goes fuzzy until I get to the waking up with that hangover.”

Jonghyun laughs softly.

“Why, did...did I do something?”

Jonghyun takes Minho’s hand. “You didn’t do anything wrong, don’t worry. I mean you threw up, but Kibum took care of that. Then we helped you into pajamas and you and I sat up and talked for a while. It was kind of cute, actually. You showed me your birthmark and asked if you could kiss me.”

“I...I did?”

Minho’s cheeks and ears are bright red and Jonghyun wishes he could take a picture.

“I told you no, since you were drunk. You strike a very hard deal when you’re drunk. Anyway, I know you don’t remember but I told you that you could kiss me today, if we were both in the mood, so this is me giving you permission if you want to kiss me.”

Minho opens his mouth as if to say something, but closes it before he does. Though he’s trying to keep eye contact, his

Jonghyun puts a finger under his chin.

“Do you want to kiss me, Minho?”

Minho nods. Jonghyun leads forward, slowly closing the distance between them.

“May I kiss you, Minho?”

He nods more enthusiastically, eyes focused on his lips. Jonghyun gives Minho the chance one last time to kiss him before pressing his lips to Minho’s. Afraid of crossing a boundary, he quickly pulls away. Minho’s eyes are closed and Jonghyun struggles not to laugh. Before he can open them, they kiss twice more. Jonghyun pulls away reluctantly as both their phones ping.

Groupchat: Cheese fries

Kekeke: not to interrupt your date but uhh its after your curfew pls come home now

[glvndas]

                     i’m a storm with skin.                      it’s getting windy again.

✧*:･ﾟ✧  merlin! is that KIERSEY CLEMONS? no, it’s just GLENDA CHITTOCK the SEVENTH YEAR RAVENCLAW ( MUGGLEBORN ). we’ve heard rumors that SHE/THEY ( GENDERQUEER ) is PASSIONATE, INDIVIDUALISTIC & STREETSMART but can also be very PACIFISTIC, RAMBUNCTIOUS & SELF PRESERVING if i had to pick one song to describe SHE/THEY it would CHERRY BOMB BY THE RUNAWAYS. Good luck with the rest of your time at Hogwarts.

INSPO: pinboard and stats page.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: alcohol, drugs (slight mentions, explicit ones will be marked)

AESTHETIC: wind clashing against your window at night, distressed jeans, a radio playing in the background, messy handwriting, an angry yell, rainbows, wanting to play guitar but never practicing, crumpled up paper, the calmness after and the hysteria during crying, a storm in summer

history

ironically, she’s not born on a day where the world rages or storms to match her spirit, but on a calm summer morning when everything is pristine and fragile. glenda is everything but that, even at a young age: she’s loud and passionate and brash, so much more similar to a hurricane than a quiet summer day.

her mother leaves when she is three. glenda and her younger sister are left with their dad, who’s wonderful – yes – but a brokenhearted and absent one. after all, there are too many bills to pay in order for him to look after his little girls, and he spends more time at his job than with them. daisy, her sister, and glenda see little of him and learn how to be independent at a young age, learn how to deal with neighbours who are forced to keep an eye on them and family members who let them run around their house. they don’t resent their dad, know that he’s working this hard for them.

and so glenda grows up, without a mother and with an absent father. she lives in a bad neighbourhood, one where crime and racism and poverty and drugs are all around, where unhappiness is the norm. she learns here that she cannot be fragile. her grief about her mother leaving turns into anger, her sadness about not seeing her dad as much as she wants to, into acceptance. she becomes independent, learns how to look after herself, how to wield her emotions into tools rather than weaknesses, how to walk those dangerous streets without getting into trouble. she curls her back with pride and locks her fears away.

strange things happen, though, as they tend to with muggleborns. she laughs about them, thinks them part of her hectic every day life, rather than something that’s actually serious. but then, when she turns eleven on the sixth of august she learns the truth. glenda chittock is not only a student who gets in more trouble than is good, is not only someone who minds little when her knees get dirty or scabbed, not only someone who once stole a Rolling Stones cassette tape that she hides in her pillow, but she is also a WITCH. when she finds out, her first reaction was to laugh, but she knows it’s true when her laugh dies out and things turned quiet.

she leaves for hogwarts a little over a month later and cries when she says goodbye to her sister. sorted into ravenclaw for her streetsmart ways and creative potential, glenda flourishes!!!! she finds skills in things she never expected herself to be good at — comc, for example, soon becomes her favourite subject — and she navigates the hallways with a broad smile, joining a lot of clubs and dropping them more often than not. she’s flighty and quick, always trying to be somewhere, 

currently

she’s in her seventh year at the moment and honestly has no idea where she wants to go after graduation. glenda’s not really a good witch, to be honest; she’s good at making sure plants don’t die and can accio stuff, but she’s not really good with the whole magic stuff (giving some purists more ammunition! ayo!). she’s intelligent, though, very streetsmart, and she can be very eloquent when she feels like it, and all that just makes her wonder if she should even LOOK for a career in the wizarding world? she’s thinking of maybe doing something in the journalism sphere of things -- muggle or magical, she doesnt know yet -- as she’s very interested in the news and stuff, but honestly? she has no idea.

over the years, glenda has grown v passionate about human rights. she reads about house elves, so-called ‘half-breeds’ and muggle discrimination at hogwarts and about environmentalism, racism, sexism and queerphobia in the library at home ( a place she hadn’t stepped foot in before she turned fourteen ). she comes out of the closet as gay, becomes a vegetarian, starts thinking about gender and her own gender with a new mindset, and starts to form her own ideals, her own thoughts and views. she’s outspoken, honestly, and uses her loud voice to talk about the topics she cares about. it’s the only things he really seems to like: to actively talk abt what she cares about. she goes to her first protest the summer before this one, and she feels more alive than ever before.

honestly spends most of her days at hogwarts procrastinating her homework by either having fun with people around her or reading about the above mentioned topics! she’s not too fussed abt newts -- someone pls shake her and make her study more -- and she’s def that ravenclaw who just?? doesnt rly care abt coursework bc look! at all these other things to learn! glenda is very carefree on a shallow level and it shows, especially now that things are Getting Real. she just wants to hang w ppl who inspire her and smoke a lil weed and have a laugh? 

conclusion & ramblings

glenda is a little hippie, alternative bean who loves talking about everything!!!! just a loudmouth, tbh, who can talk endlessly about anything that intrigues her even a little. cares a lot about a lot, but is also v self-serving so sometimes she compromises her ideal to stay safe. which, i mean, in this economy? not the dumbest thing to do.

loves all kinds of music. donna summer and diana ross are Icons, but she also loves joan jett and debbie harry and just!!! everything!! jsut really into this generations’ music and has been FOR EVER. disco is amazing, btw, just so you all know! 

likes plants a lot. this includes weed. lmao.

dr martens with woollen socks aesthetic.

is genderqueer, but hasnt really found the right terminology yet. she knows she does identify with being a girl/woman, but not fully, and she’s learning about gender a lot more now that she knows that she’s wondering about her own gender as well? glenda doesnt know exactly what her gender is, but she knows she’s not a cis-woman, and that gender-neutral pronouns do feel good to her as well.

will fight a Man but only with words tbh she’s shit at physical fights??? lmao.

honestly not the Best Witch out there, wishes she was more talented but also?? she’s SMart so who cares that she can’t transfigure a cup into an animal or the other way around, that’s … fucking useless ( @ minerva mcgoogles !!! ). like she’s successful either way so!!

angery and scared abt the war. like. she’s super idealistic, so she’s ENRAGED that this is happening, and that her being a muggleborn will and has put her in a shit position? but glenda is very self serving and is not going to join any rebellion groups ( she also doesnt believe in fighting fire with fire & is v pacifistic ) bc she’s like! yeah! i’m not gonna put a sign on my back! more on this nature later

chaotic neutral AS FUCK. serves herself, but she has Good Ideals so that’s not necessarily a Bad Thing? it’s just kind of hypocritical at times, because she doesn’t always stick to her ideals out of selfish motivations, but it’s also just a rly tough time to live in. glenda also comes from a really shit neighbourhood, like she’s learned to fend for herself + the ppl she loves (mostly her sister) there. she knows when to keep her head down and keep on walking, and this definitely shows in her position re: the war.

there’s some anger and pain in glenda, and a lot of fear too, but she’s generally just a ? good person to be around (unless youre a blood purist, then you can GO in her eyes). she’s outgoing and cheerful and likes joking around n stuff, can Also get down to business and have more serious talks -- she’s not Extremely open, but will talk abt shit with people -- when needed and yeah. social kid. 

i love a gay hippie icon!! that’s all!! 

[samraclaus]

Do all of them pls💜💜 I think ur really cool!

omg whoever you are thank you!!! I’m aggressively not cool tho 

1.) what’s a song you depict with your childhood?

Hawaiian Rollercoaster Ride or Beauty and the Beast2.) did you have a memorable childhood pet?

Ina, my tiny jack russell terrier that ran away ://

3.) have you ever been drunk?

yeah4.) have you ever tried drugs?

yeah5.) have you ever completely regretted what you’ve said?

oh yeah, i always sad dumb things to people

6.) have you ever made someone cry?

uhhh I think my mom when she was being overdramatic7.) has someone ever made you cry?

definitely, a lot of people8.) have you ever been in love? if so, describe the moment you knew it. 

uhhhhh idk what that really means tbh but maybe?? if im gonna talk about this specific person then I guess I realized when I started telling him everything and actually wanting to be around him all the time since that doesn’t happen to me9.) which came first the chicken or the egg?

uhhhhh this is hard10.) are you part of the lgbtq+ community? do you support them?

yeh, I’m bisexual and of course I support them!!11.) how many siblings do you have?

just one! Nanners :)))12.) have you ever been in love with someone you couldn’t love?

Yeah, I guess13.) are you a good cook?

Yes!14.) what is your favorite tv show?

Probably Lost or Pretty Little Liars cause I’m trash15.) what is the last movie you cried during?

probably Finding Dory lmao16.) what are songs you’ve cried to when you first heard them? (if any)

I don’t think any tbh but almost this song Erin showed me senior year called Somewhere Only We Know 17.) do you have a middle name?

nope18.) have you been out of your country?

yes!! I’ve been to Bosnia and a couple places in Europe but only in airports19.) are you a chocolate fan or not?

YES20.) how many people have you kissed?

just one21.) what is your favorite album?

tbh probably Lines Vines and Trying Times by the Jonas Brothers lmao22.) what is your dream car?

an SUV or like a Spark 23.) what is your lucky/favorite number?

6!!!24.) what is your favorite flower?

daisy maybe25.) books or movies, why?

It depends, I really love books but movies are really nice to look at26.) have you ever been on a blind date?

nooooo27.) has one of your friends ever backstabbed you?

kinda yeah28.) have you ever backstabbed one of your friends?

ugh yes and I regret it so much29.) what thing do you symbolize love with?

music30.) do you have neat handwriting? 

depends on how fast I’m writing31.) do you have a friend with benefits?

nooooo32.) do you want a friend with benefits?

nooooo33.) if you could be anything in the world, what would you be?

probably a teacher or a traveler34.) have you ever been blackout drunk?

kinda35.) have you ever met someone famous?

yeah, it was a Bosnian singer in a band36.) how many concerts have you been to?

only a handful, I’m not big on concerts unless they’re kinda chill37.) which concerts have you been to?

I’ve been to a few Fall Out Boy concerts when I was into them, I’ve been to music festivals, Jesse Mccartney, and other ones I can’t think of right now38.) do you have a hidden talent?

I can draw/ paint but I don’t ever show anyone. And a lot of people think I’m a really good singer??? (I’m not being that guy that really aggressively cant sing and pretends I can)39.) what do you do when you’re stressed?

take a walk and sometimes cry40.) do you think money can buy love?

no, at least not for me41.) how old would you date?

probably 2142.) have you ever done something illegal?

yes43.) what is your biggest fear?

heights, open ocean, squids, caterpillars, what happens after death44.) what is an unusual fear you have?

squids lmao45.) can you drive?

sadly not yet but when I did drive a couple times I was good46.) do you believe in supernatural creatures?

yes47.) do you believe in karma?

kinda48.) what is one quality you need in your partner?

to make me laugh and not be very affectionate, I’m not into that49.) do looks matter?

kinda sadly50.) does size matter?

not really but unless someone is literally dying from their size or severely unhealthy it’s cool51.) who is the last person you forgave?

I have no idea tbh52.) what is your favorite ice cream flavor?

coffee and superman53.) what languages can you speak besides english? 

Bosnian, (Serbian and Croatian basically cause they’re so similar)54.) ever been on a plane?

yes sadly55.) ever been on a boat? 

yes sadly56.) is there anyone you’ve lost touch with that you wish you hadn’t? 

yeah sadly57.) are there any friendships you regret?

oh yes58.) are there any friendships you wish you could make?

YES59.) have you ever stayed awake for 24 (+) hours?

yes60.) have you ever walked outside after 12 am?

so many times61.) have you ever seen a sunrise completely through?

yes! my friends and I stayed out all night on the first day of this semester and watched the sunrise62.) are you scared of rollercoasters? 

very but I’ve never been on one63.) on a scale of 1-10 how stressed are you usually?

6-10 :)))64.) do you have any plans this weekend?

probably not, I just wanna chill 65.) do you miss anyone right now?

my family but I get to see them tomorrow66.) who do you wish you were talking to right now?

idk socializing is too much work67.) if you could have any superpower, what would it be?

read minds or fly68.) who is your favorite superhero?

Black Widow or Captain America69.) are you dirty minded?

noooo70.) what is your favorite song from every decade starting at that 80’s?

80s: Karma Chameleon by Boy George

90s: Don’t Speak by No Doubt

2000s: Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson (it makes me emotional cause of the Princess Diaries)71.) how many kids, if any, do you want?

probably 272.) who is your biggest OTP?

idk my parents lmao73.) what is your favorite food?

chocolate or bread tbh74.) do you want to be married one day?

yeah, maybe75.) dogs or cats?

dogs!!76.) do you drink enough water daily?

nope, I wish77.) have you ever seen a shooting star?

nope78.) if you had the opportunity to go to the moon, would you?

no, space is scary79.) how many best friends do you have?

only a handful80.) when was the last time you cried?

Last week yikes 81.) have you ever laughed so hard you peed yourself?

YES82.) have you ever made anyone laugh so hard they peed?

YES83.) if you could travel any where in the world, where would you go?

Italy!!84.) what are 3 words you would use to describe yourself?

friendly, weird, average85.) do you consider yourself a loyal person?

yes86.) what is your favorite season and why?

definitely fall cause it’s the perfect weather and my style fits with it the most

87.) have you ever told anyone you loved them, and didn’t mean it?

yes88.) do you know how to play any instruments?

I used to play the piano and the violin89.) do like like falling asleep to music or not?

yeah, soft music90.) what are you allergic to?

grass 91.) have you ever wanted to be someone else for a day just so you could see what there life is like?

yeah, someone really pretty like Selena Gomez or someone really think like Lily Collins92.) if you could be any character from your favorite tv show would you, and if so, who would you be?

I can’t think of anyone rn93.) if you could be best friends with any celebrity who would it be and why?

Lily Collins cause she’s such a cool person94.) are you outgoing?

only around my family95.) have you ever wanted to kiss someone, but weren’t brave enough to?

yes96.) are you a good flirt?

nope lmao I don’t even try. Flirting is gross97.) have you ever been turned down, or have you ever turned anyone down?

both :))))98.) which planet is your favorite?

Pluto B)99.) are you superstitious?

very100.) are you a good listener? 

yes101.) are you a good kisser

????????102.) would you kiss any of your friends?

nah

[safilia]

Wow, I got tagged in a thing...!!! By @rebotodlive

1: Are you named after someone? 

Noo, but I got my name from calendar, lol. My mom didn’t had an idea so her friend suggested one from today’s names day. 2: When was the last time you cried? Uh... Last week, I guess? I have lots of stuff going on in my head. 3: Do you like your handwriting? Not really fond of it, but I think it got better with my age, especially when I write in digital on my tablet. 4: What is your favorite lunch meat? I like lots of ham, just not fat. I like dried ham, tender ones especially. Preferably chicken, or beef. 5: Do you have kids? No, and not really planing to. 6: If you were another person, would you be friends with you? Idk... 7: Do you use sarcasm? Probably? But I don’t want people to think I’m being mean or something??? I think that I have tendency to sound too serious and it’s hard to read what I think. Maybe? 8: Do you still have your tonsils? Ye! 9: Would you bungee jump? Idk... Not really having this in my mind? 10: What is your favorite kind of cereal? I like chocolate ones, like Nesquick. But I like these pillow shaped with filling, too. And honey cereal! Like cornflakes with honey and nuts. 11: Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? When they are good and fit shoes, yeah. If that’s some kind of cheap shoe that you use very fast in summer, not really? 12: Do you think you’re a strong person? I guess? I took a lot of crap in my life, I’m still sensitive as hell and I cry a lot, but I can bear stuff. I can endure it. 13: What is your favourite ice cream? Ever, ever? I really like the one with cookies inside, these are good. But idk... I like nut ones as well. 14: What is the first thing you notice about people? Their voice and smile! 15: What is the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself? I’m too skinny... I always think I’m looking sick. 16: What color pants and shoes are you wearing now? I have my grey pajama shorts, with black ribbons and red-white slippers with snowflakes and reindeers and ribbons. 17: What are you listening to right now? ASMR... 18: If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Salmon! Like this kind of pink-orange shade! My fav n_n 19: Favorite smell? Tea! Smell of rain and home. 20: Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? My mom! I wanted to tell her that I’m sick. 21: Favorite sport to watch? Sports... anime? 22: Hair color? Brown! 23: Eye color? Brown n_n 24: Do you wear contacts? Nope! 25: Favorite food to eat? I love pasta and pizza... Chicken is good, too. Cheese!! 26: Scary movies or comedy? Both are funny or lame, so not much... to choose from. 27: Last movie you watched? Um... La La Land? 28: What color of shirt are you wearing? Turquoise? With spongebob and rainbow on it! 29: Summer or winter? Maybe summer... Winter here sucks. I like snow, but I get sick all the time. Summer here is often very stormy and not that hot. 30: Hugs or kisses? Both!!!!!! Show me affection, pls. I really like personal attention, maybe I’m a dog. 31: What book are you currently reading? Did anyone, ever, saw me reading? Books are not my thing. 33: What is on your mouse pad? I had one with Madotsuki and Masada, sitting in front of the piano in the ship. But the mousepad was cheap and it started bleeding some kind of... gooey black liquid. So I don’t have one, anymore. 34: What is the last TV program you watched? I don’t have a tv... Ummm. But I was watching IT crowd on netflix lately. 35: What is the best sound? Lots!! But I like the sound of the rain. 36: Rolling stones or The Beatles? I’m sure I don’t like Beatles, not really sure about Stones, but probably they are more in my taste? 37: What is the furthest you have ever travelled? Prague? For a Shinee and Red Velvet small show. 38: Do you have a special talent? Idk... I can lie? 39: Where were you born? Warsaw, yeye. Idk who to tag...

[geeeooorrrge]

And Everything In Between - a Paulo Dybala/Alvaro Morata fanfic

A special thank you to @thinkingoverloves for helping me with the Spanish in this chapter! (Pls tell me if I’ve gotten it wrong haha)

Also, looking back at the previous chapter I realised I completely breezed over the fact that they won the Scudetto on the weekend they played against Fiorentina, which is right before the press conference. So I've tried to make it up in this chapter!

Title is from Where Did The Party Go by Fall Out Boy.

Chapter list and summary | Read on AO3

CHAPTER 40 – I KNOW I EXPECT TOO MUCH, AND NOT ENOUGH ALL AT ONCE

The following day, Paulo managed to get his shit together and sit down and think retrospectively about everything that had happened over the past few days.

The news of Paulo and Alvaro coming out was all mixed up with the news of Juve winning the Scudetto, which had been determined when they’d beaten Fiorentina and Roma had beaten Napoli the day right before the press conference. Paulo was a little glad that it was all at least somewhat neutralised. Some articles even had titles like, ‘Juventus make history twice in a span of three days.’ Paulo pounced on those, desperate to read something saying positive things about them.

Everyone had just let themselves go for that one night, after the final whistle of the Roma-Napoli match had been blown. Paulo and Alvaro had thrown themselves to the wind. Nothing mattered, not for that night. Nothing at all. It was a refreshing change from everything mattering at once.

Paulo secretly hoped that those videos of them jumping around in the dressing room weren’t going to be the last ever public images of them being happy.

Nevertheless, Paulo felt immensely proud that they had won. It was just. Just something he had never imagined himself doing. Winning the Scudetto. Winning the Scudetto with Alvaro. With his Alvaro. Who had scored the winning goal against Fiorentina and made it happen himself. His Alvaro. Paulo’s Alvaro. Paulo just. He loved Alvaro so fucking much. He still wasn’t completely sure this entire thing wasn’t just a really long dream. If anyone had told him seven years ago that one day he would win the Italian league trophy with Alvaro, he would have laughed in their face.

But honestly, he also felt a little guilty that they had put a little drab mood on all the Scudetto celebrations. After all, the team had worked really hard to finish first after their horrible start. And Paulo and Alvaro had just gone and robbed their teammates of all the pure joy they deserved. Sure, they had celebrated wildly, but even that had subdued quickly when Paulo and Alvaro had to prepare for their press conference.

Suddenly, everything was divided into two: before coming out and after coming out. After the press conference, after the public knew the entire story behind Paulo and Alvaro’s roles in Juventus’ surge to glory – Paulo found himself teetering in the balance between hopeful and hopeless once again. The balance he knew so well but never achieved. The balance he knew he was going to spend his entire life trying to chase, each time in a completely different way.

But they had to face forward and focus on what came next – now that the Scudetto had been won, Paulo and Alvaro had to prove that they could handle the public scrutiny of their relationship.

All the pieces started to fall into place when Paulo thought about it. Suddenly, Paulo understood why Allegri had wanted to hold the press conference after their match against Fiorentina and after the Roma-Napoli match. He understood where Allegri was coming from; football was first and rather than taking the risk of the announcement affecting the result of the decisive Fiorentina game, Allegri decided to take the risk of the announcement overshadowing the match results – which it fortunately hadn’t. And because of that, Alvaro and Paulo had managed to prove themselves even before the public realised that they had to. They had been given the ‘we won the Scudetto anyway, so cut us some slack’ trump card. They hadn’t taken away the glamour of the title win; in fact, they’d added to it, they’d proven that despite everything that was happening, the Juve team was capable of glory. They were one step ahead.

Paulo was once again left in awe at all the unwavering support everyone was gracing them with. The risks everyone was willing to take for them. The fact that everyone was willing to share this piece of club history with the both of them.

Well, almost everyone.

The days between the press conference and Juve’s next match against Carpi passed in a blur.

But not because they passed by so quickly – because every single day was filled with endless mayhem. Paulo and Alvaro woke up to thousands of notifications every morning, most of which they ignored. Friends and acquaintances started to call them, the latter showing less support than the former. When they went out on the street – together, because honestly, neither of them dared to go anywhere without the other – they found more disgusted glances thrown at them than the usual friendly ones. Paulo could’ve sworn he saw an old man cross the street just to avoid them.

On Friday morning when they headed out for training they found the front hood of Alvaro’s car scratched with the words ‘Regresa al Madrid, maricón.’ And on the driver’s door, in a completely different, smaller set of handwriting, was the word ‘gilipollas.’

Paulo saw it before Alvaro did. He desperately tried to keep Alvaro from seeing it by starting to drag him towards Paulo’s car instead, quickly saying some random nonsense about how he remembered Alvaro’s gas was almost empty (even though he knew it wasn’t), but.

But Alvaro had already seen it. He froze in place, car remote key already in the air and thumb hovering over the button.

“Hey,” Paulo said, anyway, still trying to drag Alvaro in the other direction. “Let’s take my car. Alvi.”

Alvaro just turned to Paulo with this absolutely devastated look on his face. Tears started to pool in his eyes, and God, fuck, Paulo knew how Alvaro hated anyone seeing him cry and if Alvaro had any control of himself at all, he would have been running back inside.

So Paulo hooked his arm in Alvaro’s and, despite the fact that Alvaro’s feet were practically glued to the ground, pulled Alvaro until they were standing in the hallway again.

And then Alvaro started crying, and it wasn’t even the kind of soft cry that always let Paulo know that Alvaro was going to be fine, that he just needed to let it out. It was loud and desperate and like Alvaro was in complete shock. He slid to the ground, sobbing and gasping, pulling Paulo along with him.

“Hey,” Paulo whispered, arms wrapped tightly around Alvaro in a bid to get him to stop shaking. He ran his hands up and down Alvaro’s back. It broke his heart to see Alvaro this way. To know that. That Alvaro was like this because of Paulo. “Hey.”

“I’m so tired, Paulo,” Alvaro said, his voice so thick Paulo could barely make out the words.

Paulo’s heart fell. He was tired, too. But he would willingly be tired for the rest of his life if it meant he could have Alvaro, if it meant he could wake up to Alvaro’s face every morning. He felt tears falling out the sides of his eyes and moved his face so they wouldn’t land on Alvaro’s shoulder. “Alvi, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s not your fault,” Alvaro breathed. “No. No. I didn’t mean that it’s your fault.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not you, it’s just,” Alvaro sobbed. “Why does the world have to be like this?”

Paulo pushed his chin into the crook of Alvaro’s neck. Alvaro had always had a pessimistic outlook towards the world. Paulo sometimes wondered if Alvaro had been one of those ‘emo’ teens before Paulo had met him. “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

“Paulo, I just want this to end. I want this to end.”

“I’m sorry, Alvi,” it was Paulo’s turn to sob. He was just. Just so helpless. He had no idea how to help Alvaro. If he could ever help Alvaro. He wanted all this hate to end, too. But not if it meant that he and Alvaro had to end.

“Pau, no. Please. I’m sorry. I don’t mean that it’s your fault. I love you so much, Paulo, I love you.”

“I don’t know what to do, Alvi,” Paulo whispered.

“Me, neither,” Alvaro wrapped his arms more tightly around Paulo, and Paulo felt like. Like Alvaro was physically putting Paulo’s pieces back together. “Paulo. They don’t want me here.”

“It’s just one person.” Actually, two people. But Paulo hoped Alvaro hadn’t noticed.

“I don’t belong here,” Alvaro continued. And then he began to cry again. “Fuck, Paulo, shit, what if – what if Madrid doesn’t want me either? What if I have – I have nowhere to go?”

“Alvi, don’t say that,” Paulo whispered. He couldn’t bear the thought himself. He didn’t belong in Turin, either. And it wasn’t as if he could just give up everything and go back to Argentina. Alvaro at least had Real Madrid to possibly count on. Paulo had nothing. “I’ll roam the earth with you,” he suggested, just. Just to put a smile on Alvaro’s face.

It worked. “Yeah?” Alvaro asked. “Aren’t you supposed to continue playing so you have money to support the both of us?”

“I don’t want to play anymore if the game doesn’t want you.”

Alvaro sighed. He pushed his face into the crook of Paulo’s neck. “Paulo,” he whispered, but didn’t continue.

“Yeah?”

“Am I being selfish?” Alvaro continued after a long pause. “By wanting you?”

“Alvi,” Paulo whispered. He pulled out of the hug – with much difficulty, because Alvaro had a death grip on him – and held Alvaro with his palms sliding under Alvaro’s ears. He pressed his forehead against Alvaro’s. “I want you, too. Don’t you forget that. Don’t you ever dare to forget that.”

Alvaro smiled, but it was just an upward twitch of his lips that didn’t make it to his eyes before he closed them. His shoulders heaved as he gave a little choking sob, like he was desperately trying to hold himself together, but failing.

Paulo closed the gap between them and pressed his lips softly against Alvaro’s. He couldn’t remember a day he hadn’t wanted Alvaro. He couldn’t remember what it was like not wanting Alvaro as much as he did. He didn’t pull away from the kiss even when Alvaro’s tears landed on his lips – or, Alvaro didn’t let him. Alvaro was crying silently and he was grabbing on so hard to Paulo’s biceps he was going to leave bruises but at that point, neither of them cared.

Deep down inside, Alvaro was still the same – despite the fact that Alvaro’s life had changed so rapidly over the last four to five months, Alvaro was essentially still the same young boy. All his hesitation, his internalised phobia that he was going to ruin everything, his refusal to trod too deep for fear of ruining Paulo’s entire life – it was all still there. Alvaro still thought this was wrong. He still thought that it was wrong to love Paulo.

And just knowing that, just knowing that it caused Alvaro so much pain to be in love with Paulo, yet he chose to continue – it both touched Paulo and tore him apart.

“I love you,” Paulo said softly, just. Just as a reminder.

“I love you, too.”

“We…we should go or we’ll be late,” Paulo said. He decided to get outside and cover the car up before Alvaro went out. “I’ll get the car cover. We’ll get someone to take care of it later. Yeah?”

“I don’t want to go outside,” Alvaro whispered.

“Alvi, we have to get to training.”

“I can’t,” Alvaro said, breaking down in sobs again. “I can’t go.”

“Alvi,” Paulo said again. “Football first.”

He let Alvaro cry it all out, now in his usual soft little sobs that almost sounded calm. It made Paulo feel relieved because now he knew Alvaro was going to be okay. Alvaro just needed to get it all out of him and then he would stand up and face the world just like he always did. So Paulo just sat and waited.

He waited until Alvaro finally mustered the courage to look up at him and say, softly, “Okay. Let’s go, I’ll, um. I’ll help you cover the car.”

“Take the back,” Paulo said as they got outside. He opened the cover and passed one end to Alvaro.

“Don’t I always?” Alvaro mumbled, and Paulo was confused for a brief moment before he realised.

“Alvaro!” he whispered urgently. They were out in the fucking street and Alvaro was making fucking dirty jokes. “What the fuck!”

And Alvaro was laughing softly to himself and Paulo wasn’t sure to continue being relieved or just. Just embarrassed. Or confused. But the sight of the smile on Alvaro’s face put a similar one on Paulo’s. Alvaro was probably just so stressed he was almost delirious. Just like Paulo was when he got stressed. This was where they were the most similar.

“You can try taking the back one of these days,” Alvaro said tenderly.

Paulo smiled. They hadn’t done anything like that for a really long time. Which Paulo didn’t mind at all. After all, their relationship wasn’t solely based on physical affection. Paulo could list a million other ways he and Alvaro could love each other.

Trying to ignore the fact that it was practically a plea from Alvaro for Paulo to fuck him for the first time that appeared literally out of nowhere, Paulo whispered, “Maybe for good luck.”

And Alvaro just. He fucking beamed at Paulo, like he’d just told Alvaro he won some random trophy and Alvaro was going to display it on their fireplace forever. They finished covering the car and headed a little further down the street to Paulo’s car, holding hands out of defiance.

They received a stern warning from Allegri when they got to Vinovo. But the angry look on his face morphed into something more concerned when they said they’d been harassed. He offered to help them report it, but Paulo and Alvaro decided not to. They accepted it when Allegri said that they wouldn’t be spared from punishment. They stayed back after training had ended to complete their ten extra rounds.

After they were done, they found Paul and Simone waiting for them in the locker room.

“Hey, what happened?” Paul asked as Paulo and Alvaro stepped inside. “We heard someone scratched your car.”

“Uh, yeah,” Alvaro said, throwing Paulo a quick glance. “It’s, um. It’s nothing.”

“What’s it say?” Simone asked.

Alvaro recited the words to them, followed by their translation. It felt like a punch to Paulo’s gut when he realised the image of those scratches was probably burnt in Alvaro’s mind forever.

Paul and Simone just sat there with this really dumbstruck look on their faces.

“What the fuck?” Simone eventually said. “That’s fucking ridiculous.”

“Yeah, just,” Alvaro shrugged. “Whatever.”

“You won the fucking Scudetto for us!” Simone continued.

“I didn’t. We all won it together.”

“Yeah, but you scored that fucking goal and – fuck, Alvaro, don’t argue with me! You won it and how dare they say something like that?”

“Whatever,” Alvaro said again, this time in a shaky whisper. He turned on his heel and went to his locker with his head down.

“Sorry,” Paulo mouthed at the both of them, who nodded. He went after Alvaro and sat next to him. “Hey. Alvi.”

Alvaro cleared his throat, presumably to get rid of the lump in it. And then he said, “Paulo, I’m sorry.”

“What?” Paulo asked. For one frightening moment, he thought Alvaro was going to end things.

Alvaro seemed to realise how he sounded, too. “No, I just,” Alvaro sighed. “I know. I know you feel like you don’t belong here, either. Because after all, your home is across the ocean. And I’m sorry that this morning…this morning, I only cared about myself. I didn’t think about how you’d feel. And I’m sorry.”

“No, hey,” Paulo whispered. He moved closer to Alvaro and took his hand. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not,” Alvaro whispered, and he looked like he was about to cry and Paul and Simone were still sitting there and so Paulo put his thumbs below Alvaro’s eyes to stop his tears from falling. “Paulo. I love you. I don’t care where my home is as long as I have you. Because you’re my home.”

“Yeah?” Paulo smiled, and fuck, he was gonna cry, too. Alvaro stuck his thumbs below Paulo’s eyes. They just sat there with their hands on each other’s faces and they probably looked dumb as fuck and, shit, Paulo hoped Paul and Simone weren’t looking. “Me, too. My home is wherever you are. It always has been.”

Alvaro smiled and leaned over to kiss Paulo. And in that instant, Paulo knew everything was going to be okay. Paulo felt like a cliché, but. But he knew everything was going to be okay.

Paul and Simone invited them out for dinner, so they all went, old FIFA gang style. And then they went back to Paulo’s place and the three of them got the game set up while Paulo called the car company to come get Alvaro’s car. He returned to the couch to find that he’d been put on Alvaro’s side.

“You don’t wanna be my teammate anymore?” he asked Paul, sadly.

“Fuck, ask Alvaro, he wouldn’t stop glaring at me. Fucking possessive boyfriend.”

Paulo laughed. Alvaro’s gaze was fixed straight ahead but Paulo was sure he was only pretending not to hear. He poked his head between Alvaro’s arms and gently pecked Alvaro on the lips. “I love my fucking possessive boyfriend,” he whispered.

The biggest smile broke out on Alvaro’s face as he distracted himself with kissing Paulo back, pausing in between pecks to gaze lovingly at Paulo.

“What the fuck,” was all Simone and Paul said, coordinated, when they were done fiddling around with their team and turned to check if Paulo and Alvaro were done and found that they were still making out.

Alvaro gave a little giggle against Paulo’s lips and Paulo was just. Just so relieved that Alvaro was smiling and trouble-free. “They’re jealous,” Alvaro said.

“What,” Paul said. “I’m not jealous, I can make out with whoever I want. C’mon, Simo, let’s make out.”

“What the fuck? No.”

“What, you don’t want to make out with me?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Why not?”

“Why would I?”

“Is it because I’m French? Fuck, Simo, why are you so fucking racist?”

“It’s not because you’re French!” Simone said helplessly. “Morata! Dybala! Some help here would be great!”

Paulo and Alvaro burst into laughter. Paul really entertained himself well by making others flustered. They turned to see Paul making stupid kissy faces at Simone while Simone just. Just looked utterly helpless. God, Paulo loved his friends for constantly trying to make sure he and Alvaro were protected, happy, and entertained.

Paul eventually stopped his antics once they started the game, but he and Simone ended up being thoroughly thrashed by Paulo and Alvaro. All three times. At the end of it Alvaro kissed Paulo again instead of high-fiving him.

“Guess we all know who were the ones carrying their team,” Alvaro laughed.

“Fuck you,” Simone said. “It’s just ‘cause it’s you two. It’s not fair. You two are unbeatable.”

“We are,” Paulo said softly, in awe.

“Well,” Paul put the controller down and stood up. “We should go. Gym in the morning.”

“Yeah, plus you two look like you’re gonna start making out again and I would prefer to be really far away when it starts.”

Paulo and Alvaro brought them to the door and watched them put their shoes on.

“Hey,” Paulo said before they could leave. “Um, I just wanna say. Sorry. You know, that we put such a damper on all the Scudetto stuff.”

Alvaro nodded, but Paul and Simone just. Just stared at him.

“What the fuck kind of nonsense is that?” Paul finally asked. “You didn’t put a damper on anything. Everyone’s so happy. Now we have two things to be happy about.”

“Yeah, no, it’s just,” Paulo shrugged. “You guys are getting the bad comments, too.”

“Honestly?” Simone said. “Fuck them. They can say what they want. We’ve gotten so good at ignoring all the haters after all these years of doing just that, don’t you think? It’s all second nature. And I, for one, don’t give a fuck. You two are amazing. You two can be happy now and I am going to be happy for you no matter what people say.”

“And it’s good, the timing,” Paul added. “The Scudetto means so much to fans. And we’ve won it, and it far overweighs whatever hate they can throw your way. It practically gives them no excuse for the hate. It’s all good, trust us.”

“Yeah?” Alvaro said softly.

“Promise,” Simone smiled. “Everyone’s just so happy. Don’t let those people get to you. Yeah?”

Paulo nodded and smiled, and the smile didn’t feel forced this time. “Thanks, you two.”

They both beamed at Paulo and Alvaro before walking down the street to Paul’s car. Paulo turned to Alvaro, who broke into yet another smile when he met Paulo’s gaze.

“You good?” Paulo asked.

“Yeah,” Alvaro whispered.

“You’re better? From…from this morning?”

Alvaro’s determined gaze faltered just a tiny bit. He nodded. “Mmhmm.”

“Alvi,” Paulo whispered. He moved his hand to cup Alvaro’s cheek. “I love you so much.”

Alvaro smiled, a tiny little upturn of his lips. He leaned forward and pressed his lips gently on Paulo’s, and. And Paulo felt fireworks shoot from his heart. “I love you, too.”

“What should we do now?”

“Make out,” was Alvaro’s very simple answer.

And so they did.

Paulo couldn’t stop himself from pulling away every few moments just to see the smile on Alvaro’s face. He earned a bigger one each time he did it, all the way across the living room and into the bedroom, until Alvaro eventually caved and broke into a little fit of giggles.

“Why the fuck you looking at me like that?” he shoved Paulo in the shoulder.

“Just wanna see you smile.”

“Yeah?” Alvaro beamed, just for the sake of it.

“Yeah,” Paulo said. And before they could climb into bed, he tugged at Alvaro’s sleeve. “Hey. Alvi. Remember on Valentines’ Day, you asked me if we would ever get to hold hands in the street?”

“Yeah?” Alvaro said again. “Yeah.”

“Wanna do that right now?”

“Right now? But it’s like, eight pm.”

“Exactly.”

The biggest, brightest grin spread its way across Alvaro’s face as it hit him. It didn’t matter what other people said. The matter of fact was: they could do what they wanted now. Even at eight in the evening on a Friday.

Alvaro took Paulo’s hand and quite literally dragged him out of the house, right through the door even though they weren’t in their jeans, only shorts. But the early May weather wasn’t that bad. Besides, Alvaro and Paulo didn’t even have to care if anyone knew it was them anymore.

Alvaro spent the entire walk, the entire thirty minutes of it, smiling stupidly to himself. He spent it jabbering away at Paulo about completely random things. He spent it grinning at random people on the street who gave them friendly looks.

Paulo spent the entire walk watching the myriad of emotions that were displayed on Alvaro’s face; a thirty-minute show of emotions that did not consist of sadness.

They stopped for photos when fans spotted them. Everything seemed. Everything seemed so normal. Paulo wanted to hang on to this. He wanted to hang on to every sliver of this normalcy.

But he didn’t know how long it would last, so he just hung on to the only constant in his life since 2009. He hung on to his Alvaro.

------

Paulo and Alvaro hoped that their next game against Carpi would be a success so they could give the haters a ‘fuck you.’

But it was far from it.

Alvaro got substituted at half-time. Paulo didn’t play a single minute.

They knew it wasn’t their fault. They knew it wasn’t Allegri’s fault, either. After all, football came first, and whatever that was happening in their relationship or how their relationship was affecting Juve as a club didn’t concern what Allegri eventually decided to do, including resting players. It was just unfortunate that people would misinterpret all their innocent intentions.

Alvaro didn’t get booed when the board was raised to show he was substituted off during half-time – rather, there was this subdued atmosphere around the stadium, like everyone had suddenly forgotten how to clap or cheer. Simone was extra friendly with him as he was heading out on the pitch, in plain view of everyone and all the cameras, but. But the noise from the crowd didn’t come back until several minutes later.

Alvaro collapsed on the bench next to Paulo with a loud sigh.

“We’re fucked,” he said.

“Aren’t we winning?” Paulo asked, confused. They were winning. By one goal.

“No, us,” Alvaro gestured between them. “We are fucked.”

“Why?” Paulo reached over and grabbed Alvaro’s hand so he would stop waving it and attracting needless camera attention. “What’s wrong?”

Alvaro shrugged. He didn’t say another word throughout the entire second half, even when Simone scored. Even when Paulo slid his hand in Alvaro’s and held it for the entire forty-five minutes. He was silent all the way to the bus, where Paul asked him to smile and Alvaro finally cracked a little smile for everyone.

“We’re going to be okay,” Paulo whispered. He had the window seat and he could see all the journalists and their cameramen gathering in a little crowd below him. He very pointedly planted a kiss on Alvaro’s lips before taking his hand again. “Alvaro. You promised me we’re going to be okay. And now I’m doing the same. I promise we’ll be okay.”

“You know how you asked me how I knew we were gonna be okay?” Alvaro finally spoke, and God, Paulo had never been more relieved to hear his voice. “So, how do you know we’re going to be okay?”

“Because I love you so fucking much, Alvaro, and there is nothing in this entire fucking world I wouldn’t do just to make sure we’re okay.”

Alvaro leaned over and pressed a kiss on Paulo’s cheek. “Nothing?”

“Nothing.”

“Will you give me that shower blowjob you still owe me?”

“Fuck you,” Paulo said. It always amazed him how easily Alvaro got over things. How trigger-happy he was. How easily Paulo could distract Alvaro, how easily he could make Alvaro think everything was okay. Fuck, Alvaro was one of the most naïve people Paulo knew and Paulo loved it, he loved the childish smile Alvaro was able to conjure so easily.

“Yeah, I’m asking you to. With your mouth.”

Paulo shoved him so hard he almost fell into the aisle, his laughter ringing throughout the bus. It was music to Paulo’s ears.

Alvaro didn’t stop blabbering his face off all the way home and Paulo didn’t remember ever being this in love with him.

------

Allegri made no move to separate Paulo and Alvaro on their next away trip to Verona. They sat together on the train and the bus, alighted together at the hotel, greeted endearing fans of theirs together – and getting the much-needed relief at the thought that they still had support even three hours away – and went to their shared room together. They went down for dinner together, sat together, and headed back up to their room together. They were practically superglued together.

Paulo pushed Alvaro right through the door when it was open, and then took Alvaro’s bag from him and dumped it aside before continuing to push Alvaro until the back of his knees hit one of the beds and he fell backwards onto it, Paulo landing on top of him.

“What?” Alvaro asked, breathless for some unknown reason. Maybe because Paulo was fucking sitting on him.

“What time is it?” Paulo asked.

Alvaro took a quick glance at the clock. “Nine-thirty.”

“We have twenty three hours and fifteen minutes until the match tomorrow.”

“Uh…yeah?” Why do you have to be sitting on me to tell me that?

“Remember the rule that said no sexual encounters at least eighteen hours before any match? I think this is the loophole.”

“Oh,” Alvaro said when he realised what Paulo was going after. “Yeah, but I’m not – I’m not. Hard.”

Paulo slid downwards until he was sitting on Alvaro’s crotch. He grinded a little against it. “You will be,” he whispered.

“Fuck,” Alvaro squeezed his eyes shut and flung an arm across them because. Because Paulo was boring holes in him with how intense his green eyes were. They were gleaming suggestively, almost forest green with how dilated Paulo’s pupils were and how dim the room was. They were eager and loving and they were everything Alvaro had ever known and loved. Alvaro thrust his hips upwards. “Fuck. Paulo.”

Paulo ran his hands up and down Alvaro’s chest, stopping in the middle, resting on Alvaro’s sternum. “You wanna?”

“For good luck?” Alvaro asked without removing his arm.

“Fuck you,” Paulo gave him a loving shove. And then, “Yeah.”

Alvaro laughed softly. He removed his arm from his face and cupped Paulo’s cheeks with his hands. “’Kay, come here,” he whispered, pulling Paulo’s face down until their lips met.

He felt Paulo pour his everything into the kiss; after all, this was the first time since all the publicity shit happened that they were actually properly getting down to it, not counting the hurried hand jobs. Alvaro did the same, lips parting to allow Paulo’s tongue to wander like his hands were doing. He wriggled his way up the bed until his head was resting on the pillows, dragging Paulo with him because Paulo was still wrapped around him like a baby bear.

Paulo gave a loud gasp when Alvaro undid his pants and reached inside to cup his dick. He buckled against Alvaro’s chest, his hands jamming themselves in Alvaro’s hair, as Alvaro started to stroke him with one hand and try to take off his trousers with the other.  

His lips didn’t leave Alvaro’s as he started to unbutton Alvaro’s shirt. They only parted for a mere second when Alvaro wriggled out of it and helped Paulo out of his, and then another second when Paulo’s hands were shaking too hard to undo Alvaro’s trousers and Alvaro had to hold them and tell Paulo that it was okay, that everything was okay.

They took it slow from then, as Paulo regained his composure and his hands stopped shaking after he ran them up and down Alvaro’s bare abdomen, over and over and over again. And Alvaro just. He melted under Paulo’s touch. He always had. Ever since their very first time all the way back in 2010 in Córdoba, Paulo’s touch had always sent Alvaro into a hopeless, incoherent mess.

Alvaro kicked his jeans off and winced when Paulo sat on him again, because this time they were both naked and fuck, Paulo was fucking rock hard and he was rubbing his dick along Alvaro’s length, a look of absolute hunger on his face as he watched their skin slide together.

“You want me to, shit,” Alvaro whispered, interrupted by Paulo suddenly giving one hard thrust. “Shit. Blow you?”

“No,” Paulo whispered, eyes still eagerly watching what was happening between them. His hand moved to wrap itself around both their cocks, and it was so tiny that it could barely cover the entire circumference. He slid his hips back and forth, and fucking hell, it sent shivers up Alvaro’s spine, the sight and the feeling of them rubbing up against each other in the tiny circle between Paulo’s fingers. “Let’s do it like this.”

And he began to thrust his hips in a new rhythm as he bent over and pressed his open lips against Alvaro’s. His finger occasionally moved to brush over Alvaro’s slit and Alvaro would strain to lift his back off the bed but Paulo wouldn’t let him, pushing him back down with his free hand and shoving his tongue in Alvaro’s mouth, and. And wow, Alvaro got it. Alvaro got why Paulo liked being held down. It was fucking hot.

Paulo sat back on his heels when they both began to leak precome. He licked his lips as he watched the liquid dribble over the edge of his dick and on to Alvaro’s, a mixture forming. He thrust his hips harder, the circle of his fingers and Alvaro’s dick providing him with the friction he needed – providing Alvaro with the friction he needed. Alvaro didn’t even have to move. He didn’t need to do a single piece of work. Paulo was doing it all.

But Paulo’s thighs got tired after a while, evidently, because he stopped thrusting and instead used his hand to jerk the both of them off. He stopped to lick the precome off his fingers and. And fuck. Alvaro was so fucking close. He could watch Paulo do this all day, he could watch Paulo licking his fingers and he would fucking come without even needing to touch his dick. He loved what Paulo was doing to him. He loved that Paulo was so in control. Because Paulo had always been the one who was more in control of his life than anyone else Alvaro knew. It just. It just fit, seeing Paulo in control.

Alvaro reached up and caressed Paulo’s face with his hand. “Come down here,” he whispered. “I wanna taste it, too.”

Paulo gladly obliged, with a smile on his face. He slid his tongue between Alvaro’s open lips and swallowed the gasp that Alvaro produced. He squeezed his hand tightly around both their dicks and gave another hard thrust, gobbling up that gasp, too.

“You ready?” he whispered into Alvaro’s mouth.

“Go for it,” Alvaro whispered back.

Paulo’s lips surrounded Alvaro’s one more time, muffling the moan that came out of it when he started to move his hips again, half grinding and half sliding their wet cocks all over one another. His hand moved to grab Alvaro’s shoulder, his fingers turning white from what Alvaro could see of them. He pressed his head against Alvaro’s and Alvaro’s world was suddenly flooded again by jade green. Frantic, desperate, passionate jade green. Alvaro felt this amazing sensation ride its way through all his veins. Something that made Alvaro feel like he was floating. Like he was floating his way to heaven. Which, honestly, he wouldn’t mind, not if Paulo was with him.

Alvaro moved his hands up and down Paulo’s bare back, feeling every contour of his muscles. Of his shoulder blades. He felt Paulo’s muscles move as he thrusted and jerked, and fuck. Alvaro squeezed his eyes shut. He wanted to lick Paulo all over his fucking body.

“Open your eyes,” Paulo demanded in a harsh breath. “Look at me. Alvaro. Alvaro. I’m gonna come.”

Alvaro’s eyes popped open immediately. They were met by the faltering gaze of Paulo, still frantically trying to hold Alvaro’s eyes even though Paulo was practically gasping for breath right then. His hips were stuttering but not stopping, his hand curling more tightly, giving the both of them more friction, more pleasure. And behind the adoring look in his eyes was the same determination, the fierce resolve to deliver the pleasure both he and Alvaro were seeking. The same determination that Alvaro saw in Paulo no matter what Paulo sought out to do. The same determination that made Alvaro fall so hopelessly in love with Paulo every single day, over and over again.

When Paulo ran his thumb over Alvaro’s slit again, fuck, Alvaro grasped his shoulders so tightly he was sure he left hand-shaped bruises all over them. He gave a little whimper, unable to help it because he was so fucking weak for Paulo. For Paulo to make him come. For Paulo to do whatever the hell he wanted to do with Alvaro.

And then. And then Paulo came, after a final thrust of his hips and a tightening of his fingers, thumb brushing over both their heads again. It continued brushing over Alvaro’s slit, over and over again, squeezing and tugging and grinding weakly, until Alvaro came, too, their come mixing quickly on Alvaro’s abdomen, accelerated by Paulo’s eager hand. And Alvaro. Alvaro saw literal sparks fly across his vision. He lifted his hips off the bed again and this time succeeded, weakly lifting Paulo higher. He couldn’t get enough. Alvaro couldn’t get enough. He wanted to get closer to Paulo, he didn’t care that they were pressed so tightly together that an ant would suffocate. He wanted to be closer. He wanted every single atom of Paulo’s being.

Paulo gave a soft cry into Alvaro’s mouth, his hips halting as he buckled over into Alvaro, face moving to rest in the crook of Alvaro’s neck, watching his come spill all over Alvaro. And Alvaro’s come spill all over himself. Alvaro took a peek and, fuck. It was fucking hot. Paulo was spreading the milky liquid all over both their dicks. Alvaro could hear the sound it was making. He was suddenly hyper-sensitised. Besides that sound, he could hear his heart thumping in his ears. His blood running through his veins. The short breaths Paulo was taking. He could feel every single drop of sweat on his body. On Paulo’s body. He could feel the come cooling on his v-line. He could feel Paulo gently running his lips down Alvaro’s collarbone. He smelled the all-too-familiar scent of sex, the scent of the pleasure only Paulo was able to give him. He smelled the humidity of the room, and felt it, too, like a warm blanket suddenly falling over them.

“Fuck,” Alvaro whispered as Paulo gave a weak thrust of his hips, just for the fun of it. “Shit. Pau.”

“That was so fucking good.”

“You are so fucking good.”

Paulo kissed a trail up Alvaro’s neck, across his stubble, and on his lips. “You are so fucking good.”

Alvaro let himself fall into the taste of Paulo’s lips for a few moments. They tasted like home.

Paulo’s hand suddenly appeared next to Alvaro’s lips, covered in a thin layer of come. He held Alvaro’s gaze as he stuck them in his mouth and sucked on them, and shit, Alvaro was. Alvaro was totally going to have another erection.

He chased after Paulo’s fingers as he removed them from his mouth, only stopped by Paulo when he jabbed at Alvaro’s chin with his free hand. His other hand reappeared soon after, smeared with another serving of come. He watched eagerly as Alvaro sucked on them, a thoroughly satisfied look on his face. Satisfied with his orgasm, probably. And satisfied with what he’d done to Alvaro, made Alvaro a shaking, exhausted, weak mess.

“I love you,” Alvaro whispered as their lips met again.

Paulo smiled. He wiggled his way higher up Alvaro’s body, his thighs still straddling Alvaro. “I love you, too. I love you so fucking much, Alvaro, I don’t even know how to put it in words.”

“I know,” Alvaro murmured. “’Cause I feel like that, too.”

“We’re gonna kick ass against Verona,” Paulo said softly. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Alvaro said.

Paulo nuzzled his head into the crook of Alvaro’s neck. Alvaro just. Alvaro felt so peaceful. He felt this strange lucidity, like he was floating about in life yet he had complete control. He knew exactly what to do.

He pressed his lips against the top of Paulo’s head. Paulo was the one who gave him that peace. Paulo had always been the one. Paulo just took away all of his worries, like he was some kind of magician. And Alvaro felt a kind of love for him that he had never felt before. It felt like a worm burrowing its way through Alvaro’s heart. But not all the way through. Just halfway through, just a tiny hole enough for it to be warm and live there.

And that tiny worm was Paulo, the tiny worm was Paulo and Alvaro was going to let him live there forever.

------

They did not, in fact, kick ass against Verona.

They lost their first game in twenty-five, and they had no excuse. They’d won the Scudetto and they’d begun to slack off, and that was their only reason.

Paulo scored the consolation goal in the 2-1 loss right at the final whistle. He was tired. He was disappointed. He was so upset he was practically numb. After all the talk of good timing, this loss came at the worst time possible.

Paulo and Alvaro didn’t utter a single word to each other all the way home. Not when they got back to the hotel room; neither of them even bothered calling for dibs on the shower or the soap. Not when they rolled into the same bed, curled up together like little hamsters; no ‘good night,’ no ‘I love you.’ Not when they sat together on the bus, hand in hand, to the train station. Not on the train, the entire three hours back; there was no jabbering from Alvaro, no random proclamations of love from Paulo, just hand-holding. Not on the bus back to Vinovo. Not when they were dismissed back home.

Alvaro was in the kitchen making some sandwiches – his favourite comfort snack – when Paulo took his phone.

It wasn’t to spy on Alvaro because God, Paulo would never do that. He just. He just didn’t want Alvaro to be upset.

He opened Instagram. He knew for a fact that Alvaro had posted a photo on the train on the way back from Verona, a photo of the team with the caption, Heads up, that’s what champions do. Great goal @paulodybala my love. Paulo had seen it and liked it.

Paulo took a deep breath to brace himself as he clicked open the comments.

He read through every single one of them and deleted the bad ones. Even if it meant he had to bite his lip to stop himself from crying. Paulo read every single one of them.

Lol, is it because you two wasted all your energy fucking? Swipe, delete.

The fact that you’re roommates explains everything so fucking well, you know? Swipe, delete.

Bet you two had your heads up too the night before. Swipe, delete.

Alvaro came back outside with a plate piled high with sandwiches. He set it on the table and grabbed one himself before plopping down next to Paulo. He sat silently, lazily scrolling through the TV channels and munching noisily.

Fucking gays. Swipe, delete.

Actual proof that gays don’t belong in football. Swipe, delete.

Are you actually surprised at this result, given the fact that you two spend all your time screwing? Swipe, delete.

“What are you doing?” Alvaro asked quietly, the first words he’d spoken since Verona.

“Instagram,” Paulo replied.

“Where’s your phone?”

“I left it inside and I’m too lazy to get it,” Paulo lied. He was sitting on his phone.

Alvaro went quiet again, shifting his focus back to the TV. He grabbed another sandwich.

You two made me hate Juventus. I hope you’re happy. Swipe, delete.

I bet Morata’s the top. Swipe, delete.

How does it feel like being screwed in the ass by fucking Hellas Verona? Oh wait, I think you already know how it feels. Swipe, delete.

Quit football, faggots. Swipe, delete.

Please kill yourselves. Swipe, del –

Paulo’s phone suddenly vibrated really loudly under his butt.

“Hey, isn’t that your phone?” Alvaro asked. He reached over and dug under Paulo until he got Paulo’s phone. He poked his head over and looked at the phone in Paulo’s hands. “Why are you using mine?”

He caught Paulo as Paulo was deleting the ‘please kill yourselves’ comment. And Paulo could almost feel Alvaro’s heart falling to the ground. He knew Alvaro wasn’t someone who paid much attention to the comments on his photos. He knew Alvaro was good at pretending the bad things didn’t exist. But Paulo couldn’t live with it. He couldn’t live with Alvaro opening his comments one day and seeing. Seeing all of this.

“I’m sorry,” Paulo whispered, his voice suddenly lost. Which made him realise, fuck. He was crying. Those fucking comments had made him fucking cry.

“What are you doing?” Alvaro asked again. He sounded calm. Which made Paulo scared, like he was gonna flare up or something.

“Deleting comments.”

“Why?”

Paulo had no answer. He knew Alvaro was fiercely independent. Alvaro liked knowing that he had control over his life, even though he might not.

“Hey,” Alvaro said softly. He slid closer to Paulo and wrapped his arms around Paulo. “Hey. Why are you crying? Pau, please don’t cry.”

“Please don’t be mad at me,” Paulo sobbed.

“I’m not mad at you. Why are you deleting comments on my photo?”

“’Cause they’re mean.”

“How mean?”

“Really, really mean.”

“So you’re my filter now?”

“Well, you’re my filter. I have to do my part, too.”

“Paulo,” Alvaro whispered. “Hey. You don’t have to do this. I’ll just not read any of them.”

“I don’t even want them to be there,” Paulo said. “Alvaro, they’re saying. They’re saying horrible things and I don’t want you to be upset, okay? I’m sorry. I don’t want you to be sad.”

Alvaro smiled a sad smile. “Paulo, I think…I think we just have to learn. We have to learn to shut them out. Not care about what they say because we’re us, Paulo, we’re unbeatable and as long as we know that about ourselves, it doesn’t matter what other people think about us.”

“Really? Yeah?” Paulo asked. Alvaro seemed so calm. Paulo realised how much he’d grown over the short period of five months since he’d gotten with Paulo. It made Paulo so indescribably proud.

“Yeah,” Alvaro promised. “Now stop reading them if they make you cry too, okay?”

“It’s worth it if it doesn’t make you upset.”

“Seeing you cry makes me upset, too,” Alvaro pointed out.

Paulo sighed. He couldn’t help but give in to Alvaro. “Okay, can I at least delete this one?”

Alvaro nodded, so Paulo deleted the ‘please kill yourselves.’ And then he saw another mean one and it was so easy just to swipe and tap so Paulo deleted that one, too. And the one after that. And the one after that. And he got lost in the chain of comments again for the next two minutes before he realised that Alvaro was doing nothing to stop him.

When he turned to Alvaro he saw this. This ridiculously fond look on Alvaro’s face. His gaze was alternating between the phone and Paulo’s face, and. And Alvaro looked so fucking happy. He looked happy and touched that Paulo would actually do this for him.

“I love you,” he said adoringly.

Paulo smiled, and it felt real. “I love you, too.”

Alvaro took the phone out of Paulo’s hands and placed it on the table together with Paulo’s phone. He wrapped Paulo up in a big hug again and gently kissed his cheek. “You are the best boyfriend in the world,” he whispered.

“Yeah?” Paulo said. “How could it be when you’re the best boyfriend?”

And that made Alvaro launch an entire explanation about how they could both be best boyfriends because in Paulo’s world, Paulo wasn’t in the running and in Alvaro’s world, Alvaro wasn’t in the running, and so they could both be best boyfriends, and fuck, Paulo didn’t even understand but he nodded along anyway because he knew Alvaro was only trying to distract him. And it was working. Paulo was distracted by the look of pure affection in Alvaro’s eyes.

Paulo went to shower and came back outside to be greeted by another Instagram notification: alvaromorata tagged you in a photo.

Paulo opened it. It was a photo of them just a half-hour ago, all cuddled up on the couch. Paulo was looking through his phone and Alvaro had slid his head under Paulo’s arm to get Paulo’s attention but he had failed. He had taken a photo, anyway, of him all tucked comfortably in the crook of Paulo’s neck.

The caption read, I love my boyfriend, followed by a string of five differently-coloured emoji hearts.

When Paulo tapped on the photo, he saw that Alvaro had tagged him on his eyebrow furrow.

He moved to type a comment, but realised that Alvaro had disabled comments.

He turned to Alvaro, who was fucking beaming at him like he had just discovered something groundbreaking.

“So you don’t have extra work to do,” Alvaro said.

“Can I tell you what I wanted to say, then?”

“Of course.”

“I love my boyfriend, too.”

Alvaro burst into soft laughter. He took Paulo’s hand and led him into the bedroom. “C’mon, let’s go to sleep and dream of each other like a pair of cheesy boyfriends.”

And God, Paulo would never get enough of Alvaro calling himself Paulo’s boyfriend. Never.

Alvaro fell asleep almost immediately once his head hit the pillow. It made Paulo sad to think of how tired everything was making Alvaro, and that despite it all, he was still trying to put on a strong front for Paulo. And Paulo was doing the same. It just worried him that one day, they would both reach their breaking points.

Without removing himself from Alvaro’s arms, he reached over for his phone and snapped a photo of the both of them – Alvaro fast asleep, his arm slung around Paulo as Paulo rested on his chest. Alvaro looked like a peaceful child when he slept. Paulo didn’t think he’d ever seen anyone look sweeter while they were sleeping.

He posted the photo on Instagram with the caption, I love my boyfriend, too, followed by the same chain of hearts.

His finger hovered over the ‘turn off commenting’ button for a while before he chose not to tap it.

Bring it on. The haters could bring it on. Paulo wanted to show them he wasn’t afraid. He wasn’t afraid of showing the world he loved Alvaro. He wasn’t afraid to be hated. For the first time in his life, Paulo wasn’t afraid to be hated. Because Alvaro loved him, and it was everything that had ever mattered. Everything that would ever matter.

Paulo snuggled up to Alvaro again and closed his eyes. He was safe. He was protected. He was loved. He had Alvaro, and he was always going to have Alvaro. He knew who he was, he’d found himself; Alvaro had found himself. And right then, even though there were still many things Paulo and Alvaro had to fight against – everything was perfect.

Everything was going to be okay.

[imanifbabyyy]

Change + Feels

sigh, ok 1. hi Tumblr. I’m sorry Ive been neglecting you but im back to vent and leave all my feels here. so bare with ya girl pls.

OK 2019 has been a wild fucking year, a long fucking year, a tiresome fucking year. im normally very advert towards change but this year God must of been like ‘OK KAREN, TIME TO CHANGE” and im literally still shaking in my damn boots. The changes include and or are not limited too... my relationship of about 5 years ended, I ended it. My apartment of two years that I loved I moved out of shit nearly got kicked out of but moved out. I lived in that apartment with my bf at the time and my cuz (you know black people cuz, which can be literally anyone, but non blood related). And me moving out ended my relationship with her basically (She's a scorpio, and I basically have no time for that kinda energy right now). More of my college friends moved to LA, stopped being friends with an female from college (also a scorpio and I can't).  Since moving out Ive moved in with my Newly married younger sister and her husband. Um I think that's mainly it. So the change was not only mentally but physically. which I think is why I always feel like I've been hit by a fucking bus. >.<. since I just complained a lot let me say im very grateful for my mother and father for basically being my main stance of support. they seriously have been my protection from me jumping off a damn bridge and I don't even think they know that. but this last year they saved me and I will be forever in debt to them and grateful. I did also have a few great friends who have listened to me bitch and complain about everything listed above so peace and blessings to them as well. 

Ok so im writing all this to say. Tomorrow if I get this job that came outta nowhere and is 3x what im currently making and will be in Miami and give me a chance to travel even if its a small chance will literally change my life. Not only will I be able to save but I will be able to pay off at least one of my damn student loans and go into my 30th year around the sun (next year 2020) more interesting and comfortable. Again, I know God has literally so many people to help but fuck im so grateful that he pulled my number and dropped this small blessing on me to make me see that all this change and all this heartbreak Ive been through these last 7 months will be worth it, and made me stronger for a reason.. for this moment. I was raised in the church but like many don't speak to God often but I believe I find my church in different ways and different aspects of my life. I do believe that God works in mysterious ways, and I’m always in awe of his handiwork. I also believe that this year of me removing myself from things/relationships that basically do nothing for myself was one of the best choices I have made. I mean lets be honest leaving any relationship is hard, I know its hard to be dumped but its also hard being the one who breaks up things. You're breaking up what has been comfortable for about 5 fucking years and I often feel guilt but I know if nothing changed NOTHING WOULD CHANGE. and Im so blessed to know that cause some women really don't.

So (if I get the job, and im being positive so lets say I get the job) tomorrow I will have to quit this job I've been at for 2 years which is also another relationship break up that I’m bring on. I’ve worked for this company and basically changed the whole structure. When I initially started in 2015 not 2005 my boss was still handwriting checks so we could take to the bank to deposit WTF. Ive googled and learned how to do inventory and work on the books, redid the whole inventory system, bought in a huge $30,000 that saved the skin off the companies back last year. And continually worked on a project that I didn't begin on from 3 years ago which went basically redoing all the paperwork and the books for that project. Only to be faced with my boss consistently telling me he has no money to pay me but asking me to do more and more. While he says he can't pay me he's paying my Male older white coworker whatever the fuck he wants basically. Im not sure if its because they are close in age, fucking 65 or cause ima WOC but bitch im fed up, BEEN FED UP! I was gritting and baring it for 2 years and crying in the parking lot before and after going into the office. There has been days where I seriously only said 3 words. But recently Diddy had the revolt summit at my job, a Black owned kinda weekend event for YBP(young black professionals) going into or into the music industry. My boss didn't even come into the office that day but the coworker called him and apparently told him that a black event was going on, while I washout of the room clearly. Then my boss feels like he should call me and request I do something that literally made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. He calls and says “If I was a 50 year old white women coming into the building today and see what's going on outside I would never come back” 0.0 Me being a YBP my damn self I almost threw up out of the sheer shock of racism, but also being not surprised since he is a 65 old white man from the south but WTF! he then proceeds to say we (the company) should send an email to our customers and apologize to them for the black event going on. When I tell you I felt all of my slave ancestors jump through my skin, only thing I could muster was an “OK yeah” and I hung up. in the end I turn to my coworker and tell him what just happened on the phone and I guess my face did all the talking but he vetoed it and then called my boss back to explain why but that's when I put  two and two together and realized he was the one who had said something to begin with. Literally since then I’ve seriously been not doing shit or in deep protest. I hate to be one of those black people that says racism doesn't happen to me b/c I went to an HBCU in a mainly white town so I know what it looks like but GOD DAMN! 

SOOOOO Im leaving even if tomorrow I will be deadass leaving this company in the fucking dust where I raised it from. After rereading all this I believe I should really find myself a therapist to vent to and not y'all every 5-7 years. but whew here we are. Ok lastly with the friends I spoke off before I have told them this and all these feelings and tonight I really felt like they werent there and kinda gave me sure harsh critizism and then joked it was only cause they don't want me to leave (with me quitting im leaving to go back east, with or without the Miami job) but it was still hurtful. Like damn bitch you couldn't fake and hold your selfish issues about me and my horrible job / situation. So me being annoyed and passive aggressive let it go and moved on but it hurt, shit it still hurts. Maybe im sensitive rn cause (niggas, work, and bitches) but damn. Ok ima sum this up because its getting long and scoff. but I SAY ALL THAT TO SAY: People will want you to break your back and give them your all when they say they will be there for you but also fake it just to keep you doing what you say you will but then let there selfish feelings get them to say hurtful shit. As a friend/ a sister/ a daughter I try my best to listen/ observe and be there for the fucking people in my life and most either boss company wise or “Friends” won't. So take it how you want but take it on your terms. 

Thank You,

Also this sounded a lot more consistent in my head ealier while I was smoking but now eh its a brain spill so proceed with caution. 

Peace & 7Blessings*