#pls validate me i am garbage

[daydadahlias]

What is the difference to you between Wattpad fic and non Wattpad fic? Genuinely asking. Isn't fic just fic and quality is going to vary regardless of where it gets posted? Also i think to me at least, x reader fic is kind of synonymous with Wattpad so how can you "condemn" one but not the other? Interested to hear your thoughts :)

ok so it is 1 am and I just finished writing a vEry bad paper so my brain is not firing on all cylinders rn. thus, pls forgive me for not being the most articulate.

I would like to first say that all of this is just my Jess Opinion so I’m not trying to make you disagree or agree w/ me and I’m not stating any of this as fact. These are just my personal thoughts that I state with authority and passion bc that’s how I talk :) ok!!

Obviously I don’t actually “condemn” any authors lmfao I was just being dramatic for comedic affect. Im not asking to burn any wattpad authors at the stake or anything. However, there is definitely a distinct difference between wattpad fic and ao3 fic, so much so that I can literally read a fic on ao3 and tell when it has been cross posted from wattpad.

Fic quality actually does not vary as much as you think dependent on platform. Usually people write amongst groups of likeminded people and similar writing styles so your writing style can be influenced a Lot by the platform you post on. Sure there’s an outlier here and there but pretty much all wattpad fic is simply Not written well for a variety of reasons.

My most personal beef from wattpad stems from their crack ass horrible garbage stupid bitch fuck ratchet tagging system.

On wattpad, there is NO way to trigger warn or appropriately tag for content or, as a reader, filter out content you don’t want to see. Unless an author specifically includes something in an author note about content warnings (which they Don’t do for the most part because no one else on the platform does so why would they break fhe mold??)

This means that when you read Most wattpad fics, you don’t know what kind of content you’re going to encounter. Often times, this content ends up being blatant internalized misogyny, domestic abuse, and/or dub-con handled with no tact or understanding for the problematicism of the subject matter :)

I don’t personally read x reader (bc I’m an aroace person so I’m just not the audience for it lol) but I certainly don’t knock people that write it. It’s a very valid form of writing/expression and there are plenty of very talented x reader writers on tumblr that I respect a lot. So that’s why I made the differentiation.

A lot of the x reader writers on tumblr are adults whereas wattpad is primarily comprised of children (when I say children I mean as broad a range as 9-16).

Because ao3 is regarded as “confusing” to a lot of young people just now getting into fanfic (ie. me when I was 12), they post on wattpad (or quotev, which is where I posted lol) because it is a platform made to be accessible for primarily adolescents.

This means that the bulk of fics you’re finding on wattpad are written by teenagers; often, straight female teenagers who have not had comprehensive sex education, do not understand the full spectrum of consent, have only consumed media that pushes damaging heteronormative expectations when it comes to romance, and are reading stories written by other adolescents who don’t understand these topics either!!! It’s usually a case of the blind leading the blind.

I don’t inherently think of wattpad being synonymous with x reader considering there is slash on there too. I instead consider it synonymous with adolescent writing. And, as we’ve established a few times now, I’m an adult who does not feel comfortable reading about children or reading the writing of children.

While there’s nothing wrong with kids learning how to write and becoming comfortable with their craft (and while I think it is important for them to have those outlets as it was for me), wattpad writers never really tend to grow out of that because that’s what basically All the content on wattpad is. They continuously feed into a loop of misinformation that they perpetuate the cycle of by not understanding the content they’re consuming is inappropriate and incorrect (I’m talking about romantic portrayals of abuse/assault and the glamorization of abusive men).

Young teens using wattpad makes sense to me. It really does. I used quotev so I don’t have room to talk. I can say, however, that I don’t like it, considering how permeated wattpad is with untagged rape and domestic violence that teaches young consumers really damaging perspectives about romance but… I know kids genuinely don’t know any better and have not been given an outlet to know better when our sex education system fails to teach us even the slightest bit of porn literacy… but that’s neither here nor there. And I often times make fanfic a deeper conversation than it needs to be :)

[shiftylinguini]

Helloooooo pal! 4 & 14 & and a wildcard of your choice PLS AND THANK YOUUUUU for the writer asks? (AGAIN WITH THE ALL CAPS?!) If those don't spark joy or you've answered them elsewhere, feel free to swap them out for anything you'd like!!

the joy! she sparks!! (thank youuuu xo)

4. How many WIPs do you have right now? 

Jesus. Asking to see my whole ass now hahahaha. 

I have so many, it's fucking embarassing. Some of them don't even titles, they are genuinely "Untitled Document" and then when i remember "oh yeah didn't I have a story where Louis Tomlinson was a sardine? What about that one where Draco Malfoy had to train a flea?" I have to just fucking word search in my GDrive and I hope I can find it. There is no system and there never will be. 

At the moment, there are about 6 I am actively working on/thinking about/making new words on and not just sighing about, and they are: 

HP:

Erised (obvs)

7 minutes in heaven fic that has 0 plot but lots of warm jumpers

8th year fic (plot pending, lol there is a theme here)

Stranger Things: 

Cat Eddie (the sheer self-indulgence, it's self care)

Obligatory post volume two hurt/comfort/healing/ who's canon? never met her fic

AOB trash (aka the garbage can i call home)

14. If you could see one of your fics adapted into a visual medium, such as comic or film, which fan fic would you pick? 

Oh shit!! That's so good, ummmm, I think i would want to see the ravens from Heartlines , or see harry's soulmonster from Midnight in the city of fucking long name . 

WILDCRAD!! (I spelt that wrong and I'm leaving it feels like a wildcrad thing to do (and anyone who has chatted with me knows that I am perpetually typing utter nonsense, so welcome to the club LOL).) 

2. Do you read/reread your own fics?

WIPS absolutely, millions of times, but posted fics? No, I don't, and I think I probably should? I see a lot of people do and for some reason once a fic is posted I'm like "see ya dickhead!!" but i'm sure it would be a validating experience to go back and experience them after a bit of separation from the actual writing process. I'm interested to know what others do here!

[nuppu-nuppu]

same anon here, just read the other tags. Look this is a shitty situation, but none of that makes you pathetic. Would you go around judging that way others who feel like that too? If not, then pls try to be more gentle with yourself; your worth doesn't dependent on how many ppl show they like you, or anything like that. Personally I think fresh starts can feel great if you come from a place of wanting a positive change in yourself and your relations with others, but pls don't do it bc you want to isolate yourself -even if rn feels like the only option, its not. The head can be so tricky for no reason, and doing that would bring the familiarity of loneliness, yes, but also make you feel even worse about who you are and your relation with the rest of the world, even losing the grasp of wether or not being real -been there done that. Ppl on the internet constantly show their best selves bc they also want validation, and be perfect, and be happy, and great, and admired, but behind the para social relationships we dont know who they really are. I apologize if im giving unsolicited advice or just sticking my nose where it doesnt belong (?), just hurts to see ppl going thru what sounds like what I have.

I know I’m being too harsh on myself it’s just hard not to be because sometimes I feel like this situation I am in is completely my fault and due to my personality being shit garbage or something

And I’m definitely getting the urge to self isolate myself again but I know I should not because then I would just be more lonely and why the fuck would I want that. The loneliness has just become too familiar, at least more familiar than trying to socialise. And yeah I don’t feel real anymore that’s kind of why I wrote the things I wrote.

And you don’t have to apologise, I kind of asked for it with my overly dramatic tags lol thank you for being kind to me. I hope the world is kind to you in the future <3

[talistheintrovert]

Oh my god. I cannot believe I’m here, this is crazy, but I hit 1k a little while ago and I am truly grateful to every single one of you. You are wonderful humans and I don’t deserve you but I’m so happy you all follow me. This blog is one of my favourite places to be and I love sharing it with all of you. 

The last follower celebration got a little out of hand, so this time I’m doing things a little differently!

1. I’m posting a 1k Celebration Fic, (a WIP that I’ve been promising to post for almost three years) and every chapter will be dedicated to a different wonderful human I’ve met through becoming mutuals on this app. It’s coming out really soon, so watch this space!! 

2. Instead of mini fics (which clearly don’t work, c’mon Talis, how are multiple fics over 20k possibly “mini”) I’m going to do aesthetics!

Rules and tags under the cut 💖💜💙

So, Rules:

must be following my bitch ass

reblog this post

non-mutuals pls try to limit to one request each (otherwise i might die, you saw how long it took me to finish my 666 fics) 😅

mutuals can request all three!

send an ask with one of the following:

For a character/ship moodboard, drop a 🎁 in my inbox. I love all of these fandoms but I may have missed some on that list, so if you desperately want something that’s not on there, just ask and I’ll see what I can do! Be as vague as specific as you like - songs and colour schemes are a big help though!

For a character/ship playlist drop in a 🎶 and I’ll create something I think encapsulates the character and/or ship. If you want some examples of previous character playlists you can find them here (although those are just t100, I’d love to branch out)!

For an aesthetic drop a 🔥 into my askbox. This can be anything you like - a mood, an element, a name aesthetic, a colour aesthetic, a song aesthetic, or anything in between! (specifics are good tho - if you come into my askbox with “blue aesthetic” there is literally no telling what you might get, depending on the day, so if you want something specific please let me know!) You might get a moodboard or a poem or a song cover or a drawing or some combination of all of them, plus anything else that springs to mind - it’s ALL FOR THE AESTHETIC BABEYYY 

Again, I just can’t believe you’re all following me and I feel so incredibly lucky to be here, this is honestly such a wonderful thing and it’s a bright spot in a world (and a year) full of darkness. 

I love y’all. 

I’m tagging some wonderful humans that make the world a better place just by existing in it: @clarkgriffon @fen-ha-fuck-you @chase-the-windandtouch-the-sky @little-oxford-st @foreverandalwayscrysis @still-watching @yourereallyhere @choose-wonkru @grumpybell @chants-de-lune @thebraveprincesspure @aainiouu @michaelgrantnash @braveprincess @chasethesun18 @goodqueenalys @hostagetakerandhistraitor @probably-voldemort @clarke-the-ferrari @solacelight @leiaslightsaber @goddess-clarke @griffinnblake @johnmurphysass @biconicclarkeyg @jmbelles @mamabearsdontthink @loveisalwayswise @baellamy @starboybellamy @blvke-bellamy @brennanblue @bellamyfknblake @galaxyblake @bellarkebc @thelittlefanpire @ravensluna @carrieeve @eyessharpweaponshot @pawprinterfanfic @nvermindiseeyou  @broashwhat @catastrophic-chloe @shaeheda @clo-heda @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold @galaxyblake @swainlake @life-astudyofhypotheticals @bellamynochillblake @sassmasterblake @matthevfairchild @shialablunt @lameblake @wankadi @bellamys11thfreckle @artenistic @bellofthesky @hellyeahbellarkee @sallysimpsons @historyofbellarke @moonaskingtostay @moprocrastinates @charmanderdiyoza @charmainediyoza @iwilltry-tocarryon @tonystarkys @lightcomingthroughthedarkness @ladyoldstones @biblarke @madmultiverse @taylor-morley @harpermacintyre @octaviahales @igotbellarkeforthat @captainwilldameron @captaindaddykru @bellarkhugs and anyone else who I forgot I’m sorry I love you too also also tumblr keeps trying to tell me I can’t tag this many people 💖💜💙 (pls let me know if you’ve changed urls, I queued this up a while ago lmao)

Special thanks to @fen-ha-fuck-you for making this 1k celebration banner for me and for always being here even when I’m being the most annoying person in the world (which happens a lot) I love u babe <3

[mooifyourecows]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Haikyuu!! Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi Characters: Sawamura Daichi, Sugawara Koushi, Kuroo Tetsurou, Kita Shinsuke, Bokuto Koutarou, Ushijima Wakatoshi, Oikawa Tooru Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alcohol, sorry mom, It's porn, i don't know what to tell you, it's basically porn, with a tiny hint of a plot, feelings are involved, just more proof that Daichi and Suga make dumb decisions when they've been drinking, kita is the best roommate, kuroo might be the worst, it's still up for debate Summary:

Sugawara and Daichi both have something they need to say to each other. But words are scary, so they decide to just drink and let their bodies talk instead.

A few things may have gotten a little lost in translation.

[bottledliesaaaaa]

👻

[kazuwhora]

Hey kc ship yourself and your moots with tokyo revengers characters if you didn’t already do it! We want to know more about you and Koko!

how am I supposed to ship anyone with anyone but myself ????? I'm only gonna do a small handful of moots so if you see this and u weren't tagged don't take it personal! I literally just looked at my notifications and picked the first group I saw.

my top 3 self ships are tora, koko, and sanzu. for me and tora, he has mommy and daddy issues and I'm there to be both for him. he's so needy and whiny and I'm a service dom so it makes so much sense <3 I let him indulge in whatever he wants and I'm never mean to him. koko and I both like a power struggle but in the end koko is a bratty switch that I like to put in his place. where kazu hangs off of me, koko hangs on to me. in public he's very high and mighty which I am too so that makes for two bad bitches making everyone feel like garbage for even existing in our presence. me and sanzu are just chaotic. we're both the same mbti and sanzu is my top tokyorev kin. we're loud and chaotic and aggressive and toxic but in the best way possible because as soon as it comes to anything sexual he's on his knees begging for me. but we're perfect for each other bc our minds work the same way. anyways.

@cumfuyu besides me, I will always ship sar with tora or mitsuya. tora because tora is our gf and we share her. mitsuya bc sar needs someone who is understanding and sympathetic of emotions and someone who can give him the time of day to stop and validate them. mitsuya is an infj so he's really good at being the counsellor friend while still providing a level of emotional validation and sympathy that sar needs <3

@dracutora listen as a baji kin as well as a sanzu kin duckie needs someone who is fucking off their rocker but stable enough to be the voice of reason. sanzu is a little too off his rocker and he lacks the stability, but baji has a nice balance of both. off his rocker when he wants to be, stable when he needs to be. but duckie needs to be the most off their rocker in the relationship so they aren't outshined which is why baji works so well here.

@wakaslut I'm gonna say rindou as the top ship mostly because I think if anyone is gonna be happy to not go out 5 times a day it's rindou. he's completely happy to just sit and hang out and chill inside, not really seeing the point in someone going out, coming back, going out again, so on and so forth. he wants to do one weekly outing where all the tasks are managed at once and that's it. however rindou isn't afraid to have fun either, and I think he'd be the one most capable of bringing out that side in the duo because his approach is much less in your face obnoxious.

@01-1987 HELP I WANNA SAY SANZU BUT I CANT STOP MYSELF FROM SAYING IZANA. so ofc we're gonna go with sanzu which we all know but izana as well just feels??? like it works here??? izana is a lot like sanzu in the way that he is unhinged and toxic. but izana I think has a little bit more of a desire to be nurtured whereas sanzu has more of a desire to nurture and in this case I think both work, but izana brings out that protagonist tanjiro-type aura that comes with being an enfj in aly a little bit more and I think thats underrated and cute

@r-indou sweet ran he is the perfect amount of silly extroversion with just the right amount of room reading abilities for this pair to work. I think the levels of enjoyment and pure fun between this pair is what makes it so special and adorable. both are just here for a good time, to have fun and be loved, and both nurture that aspect in each other really well I think

@nanaminshousewife this is someone who deserves nothing but the best. im sticking solely to tokyorev for this round of ship asks and if I had to pick it would be shinichiro. everything about him is harmonious and sweet which is exactly how you are and you deserve someone who can give you the same love and energy back.

@manjiroro pls I'm obvs gonna say mikey because sweet baby mikey needs some love and someone who will openly love him without hesitation. he needs someone who will care for him unapologetically and announce their love for him without second guesses. he wants someone who will talk about him online and post pictures of him and tag him in things and post him on their story and who better to give that love than kai <3

[geniusorinsanity]

for the fic meme - 17 and 24 (especially because of the non-linear narrative) for exit wounds ❤️

fic: exit wounds

17. What was the hardest scene to write?

answered!

24. Did you write every scene in order? What was the first scene you wrote, and what was the last?

with a few slight exceptions (none so memorable they actually come to mind, so it's actually possible that there were a few scenes that i outlined out of order in that i knew the POV and plot points but didn't fill them in very much), i did write everything in order! because there were so many moving pieces with the non-linear narrative, each scene needed to build not just on the scene immediately before it, but often on the scene before that.

my goal was for the story to make sense--on both a plot and character level--if someone decided to go back and actually read it in chronological order (starting from the first before scene and reading all the way through to the epilogue), which meant keeping track of who knew what and when but also where each person was in their personal story/character arc as well. i know a lot of writers will finish an entire fic before they start posting and i generally am not one of them (mostly because i rely on the guilt of too long a wait time between updates to make me actually write 😂) but this one was very heavily outlined before i started posting, because otherwise something definitely might have snuck up on me. there were only a few tiny things i actually ended up changing in prior chapters to reflect updates (i actually think it may actually have just been a few lines of alec's dialogue in his call with catarina in the first scene!), which is honestly unheard of for me.

(also, if anyone does go read this fic in chronological order and it turns into a garbage fire, pls never tell me about it. i would like to live in bliss.)

(if it's good, though, definitely tell me. i need validation to live.)

send me a behind-the-scenes fic ask!

[mrpenguinpants]

KAEYA PLAYING WITH ABYSS MAGES AHDHSHDHSB IM- that’s so cute????? Guizhong being older than Zhongli is such a valid hc, I fully support and condone it. Thank you. And Childe growing to like battle was something I found interesting because he was once mentioned to be fragile and weak in his character stories iirc? I like to think that maybe the initial reason he persevered was to overcome that past status.

Also, YES. They’d have the worst habits, and it would eventually become more visible the more comfortable it becomes, but Keqing just gives up on trying to change anything because it’s literally hopeless.

I also headcanon that they have different ways to show appreciation for Keqing. E.g. Childe sometimes uses one of his cringy ass Russian nicknames and when she looks up the meaning, she turns from the most straight-faced woman known to man to a highkey affection-starved queen self-destructing in her room.

Diluc leaves a note on her desk that are simple “Sleep early today. Tomorrow is your day-off.” or “Don’t over work yourself.” messages. He’s so self-conscious about it because like, what if Kaeya catches him up at night contemplating whatever reaction he’ll get. Ends up feeling so accomplished whenever his messages bring a smile to her face.

Kaeya, I feel, would be more open in a sense? Keqing is the last person he thinks he’s be able to deceive, and so he chooses not to. He’s probably one who enjoys deep conversations about literally anything be it mosaic artwork or changes in between modern and archaic politics. A good listener and a fine conversation partner, I feel they’d certainly have interesting conversations.

Zhongli lowkey seizing every opportunity to bring up Rex Lapis and his sense of humor is lowkey degrading Morax for his past mistakes. He’s like “Oh, I thought you hated him. I hate him too” and proceeds to laugh at the fact that the oh-so legendary Geo archon bore a hole in his hoodie for his hair. FOR HIS HAIRS. Keqing is losing her sanity trying not to expose herself as a closeted fan.

The anon lists’ name is super cute btw! Makes me feel pretty blessed for being there haha. I just finished midterms and goodness, I am exhausted. We’re having a short break so I think I can send asks much faster during the brief moment of rest. And pls drink responsibly 🙏

Sincerely, Keqing harem brainrot anon

I lowkey plucked Kaeya playing with mobs and shoved it into the royalty au because god damn, that’s fucking cute. I’m so behind on my asks;; but it’s okay cause we’re here now. I don’t know, Guizhong being that older sister/mother/whatever figure is so heartwarming to me. I think you’re right? I vaguely remember him saying he was pretty fragile but I have the memory of a goldfish haha. Lowkey, this is why I really want the part 2 and 3 of character story quests to go more in depth with their actual character stories. I want to see Childe talk about his feelings and meet his siblings, I want to hear more about Guizhong, I want to hear about the crippling loneliness and depression that Bennett and Barbara have (NO I WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT THIS PART. WHY THE FUCK IS GENSHIN NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS? I KNOW ITS FUN AND GAMES BUT LET ME CARE ABOUT THEM. 1.4 has these hangout events and istg, bennett and barabara have one and if we don’t talk about our feelings I’m going to cry). 

oml their bad habits, Zhongli and his extensive collection of plants because that’s the most social interaction he gets (yes, zhongli is a planter. no i do not take criticism tyvm) and it starts off with a couple plants. Not too bad. Then the next day Keqing walks and it looks like their entire home turned into a forest. But Zhongli loves his plant children and Keqing is slowly losing her mind and starts referring to the plants with the nicknames Zhongli gave them. 

This. This is cute. These appreciation ideas. I fully approve and we need to bring them back. I don’t know anything about Russian but I have a friend that does. But I don’t know how to casually say “hey, can you give me Russian nicknames of endearment. It’s for research.”. Keqing radiates professional in the front, social anxiety in the back. I just love that they added the detail that she’s secretly a Rex Lapis fan but pretends that she hates him. I know there is art of Zhongli lowkey being creeped out or vv smug when he find’s Keqings stash but idk, imagining him being a proud dad and giving headpats even though Keqing is an adult. 

Okay. Let me level with you. Sticky notes of reassuring phrases are the best and why the fuck aren’t people doing it more. I’ve been reading “my mom left a note on the table” or “my partner puts sticky notes in my textbooks as a pick me up” for CENTURIES but am I seeing it in real life? Fuck no. Please, if someone does this for you. Keep them, never let them go. I can imagine Diluc writing these messages, feeling confident when he writes them and ready to be a supportive person. The next day he’s looking at these notes and thinking “what the fuck did I just write, this is garbage” (totally not how I feel about my writing). Then he proceeds to throw them in some cabinet but since Kaeya doesn’t know the first thing about personal boundaries he goes snooping around in Diluc’s room, discovers the notes, and he ends up taking them and putting them on Keqing’s things. It makes her happy so Diluc is going to ignore the very pressing issue with whether or not he should commit manslaughter. 

You know, that’s very valid. That’s how I feel about Kaeya’s relationship with Lisa or Albedo. People that don’t get riled up or annoyed by his antics the same way Amber is. I feel like if you’re looking for small talk, he’s not a bad choice, but if you want those deep 3am conversations he’s definitely the person to go to. Zhongli isn’t a bad choice either but Zhongli tends to go into historical and philosophical moments (which isn’t bad) but you want to have someone relate to you or it feels like an actual conversation and not a history lesson then he’s actually perfect. Especially more controversial topics, I feel like Kaeya would probably have very different opinions from the norm. 

YES. YES. YES I’m replying to these as I read them but YES. Honestly, I get it. Zhongli is a super polite and respectable person. But. But. Have you seen how he clowned on Childe?? That entire interaction?? He didn’t even look the slightest big apologetic for almost destroying Liyue and using the man who was going to kill him to pay for his funeral. What a power move?? And you’re telling me you don’t see him being a smug prick. I love Zhongli’s story quest where everyone is saying “oh the first mora was treasured or it holds mythical powers” and Zhongli is looking at them as if they’re idiots. 

tyty (❤´艸｀❤) I’m blessed to have you here. Oh, I hope you did well on your midterms tho and be sure to rest. I am a bit late to replying to this so hopefully I caught you before your break was over.

Always lovely hearing from you,

Pengu

[elindae-writes]

Alpha Trion is hot garbage and lemme tel u why

“use Tumblr responsibly, Elindae”

“don’t use it as a platform to rant, Elindae”

welll mHMMMMMMMMM how the turn tables have TURNED

They’ve rotated around so much they gained escape velocity and are now halfway to the heliosphere at the outer edges of the solar system

I am having a Bad Day and so I am in the mood to rant about Alpha Trion because I straight up do not like that old coot, he’s like that one annoying old man we all know who uses a cane not because he actually needs it to walk but just so that he can wave it at you and point it at your freakin kneecaps

I am only aware of his Prime incarnation and I know diddly squat about the other versions of him, perhaps he is a fantastic, lovable, and quality grandpa robot in the other incarnations

But the Prime version?? Hot mess. Such a hot mess.

First of all, he took an Omega Key and just shoved it into poor Smokescreen’s chest like an absolute jerk. This chucklefuck knew Smokey would go into the escape pod and that it would crash into Earth and that Optimus would find it. So he took one look at the pod and was like “ah, yes, the perfect receptacle to store the highly important Omega Key in!!”

But was Alpha Trion normal about it?

no

He could’ve just taken Smokey aside and been like “hey there take this key and give it to Prime, it’s important”

Or if he was worried about the ‘Cons finding the pod and stealing the key he still could have stored it in Smokescreen’s chest and been like “hey store this inside of you and be very careful and cautious around the Decepticons because you have precious cargo, it’s for my boy Prime” and Smokey would have obviously been on board with becoming a living FedEx package if it meant he’d meet his idol Optimus

But Trion was just like “mhHMMMM I’ll knock this young lad unconscious and put stuff in his body without his consent or knowledge, hopefully he realizes he has the fate of Cybertron inside of him! it sure would be a shame if he never realized that and went driving off and getting into fights very recklessly in a way that could get him and the key destroyed!!”

Couldn’t this absolute cheesebag have left a message behind or something? Like maybe leave behind a pink heart-shaped sticky note on Smokescreen’s forehead that says:

Hi, Optimus, it’s me, your dead father figure ;) I left an object behind in this young lad’s chest cavity, better get it out cause it can save our entire planet, anyway bye I’m dead

That way when Optimus found it and read it he’d instantly be able to extract the key, find out about the existence of the others, and begin searching for them ahead of time

Is there something here I’m not understanding?

Second of all, he has a beard. All of the poor souls seeing this are probably thinking to themselves: “Elindae, why would robotic facial hair anger you so much?” but I think you should all be asking “why WOULDN’T the robotic facial hair be an angering subject?”

Was he forged with a beard?? Just fresh out of the oven did bb sparkling Trion come laden with full facial hair??? The worldbuilding implications of this have me shaken. Did somebody ever look at that sparkling and think to themselves “why does this eight year old look like an eighty year old?”

In the episode where Optimus was straight up dying I was on the edge of my seat and then freakin robotic Dumbledore’s ominous floating torso appeared on my screen and the first thing I noticed was that dang beard. I wasn’t even like “oh no, Optimus is dying,” no, my first reaction was “oh no, why does that robot have a beard?” When he transforms, where does it even go? Does he have a compartment in his undercarriage for it? Does he COMB it or oil it?

Did he have his faceplate resculpted to have a beardlike appearance as he got older? Like a fashion statement?? Did they get the concept of beards from other aliens in the galaxy? Did Alpha Trion just wake up one day all like “I want to be a subpar version of Gandalf”?? I need ANSWERS Hasbro

Do Cybertronians gain beards as they age? If so why don’t more of them have beards?? They’re robots why do they need facial hair WHY--

anyway.

I hope I didn’t offend the Alpha Trion fandom too much (does he even have a fan following??) and I’m sorry if he’s like your favorite character or something and you stan him and you are shakin in rage at the sheer audacity of my Trion-focused rant. “this bitch, this bitch, this bitch is criticiZNG ALPHA TRION--” hmmm yes I am That Bitch

Unless it turns out he actually has good and valid reasons for all of his moral and facial transgressions, in which case ignore this post

(I don’t hate him as much as I hate Jack tho)

I will accept whatever rage will come my way, I just needed to get this out of my chest and eject it as if it was an Omega Key placed there by some old sap

Next chapter is still WIP. Love you. Pls let me know if I am alone or not in my hatred of this ominous bearded grandpa bot

[aangfanclub]

liveblog s2 ep14: the tales of ba sing se

ok it is safe to say we had a LOT of feelings abt this episode. possibly the most any of us have ever had 

[abby, immediately: oh zuko. baby

levi: EVERY TIME HE’S ONSCREEN

abby: I LOVE ZUKO]

toph and katara yes!!! ladies!! we love to see it

dskjdsfjk HES SHAVING HIS HEAD WHAT A CUTIE PIE

[abby: oh look at that she pinned her hair loops back! that means they’re pinned in the back not the front

me and levi: YOU THOUGHT THEY WERE PINNED IN THE FRONT??

abby: I DIDN’T KNOW]

toph has SO much hair omg

toph has such gremlin energy sdflkjsd we love to see it

oh no baby!! imagine someone scrubbing ur eyeballs someone help toph

like a CLOWN??? that was so MEAN TOPH GO MESS THEM UP

sdjksdf YESSSS

toph said you know what would be a good one? yeeting you into the bottom of the lake

yes!!!! girls supporting girls!! this is the SWEETEST we love to see it

ohh are we just getting little snippets of everyone?? this is so interesting

iroh just be knowing things for real

where did iron get that instrument?? did he steal it just now???

aww I wish iroh would sing to me like that,, i’d never be sad again

earth bending soccer??? this is so cool omg

[me: iroh be ZOOMING

levi: yeah he got jets

me: don’t say jet in this household

levi: oh right sorry]

WITH  T H A T  STANCE SJKDLDSK IROH JUST CAME FOR THAT GUY’S WHOLE CAREER HUH

is this just a day in the life of iroh?? this is what he does every day???

this is truly iroh’s world and we’re just living in it

abby: iroh said if you’re gonna mug someone here’s how

iron just did a speedrun on his muggers redemption arc djksffjkl

STAN IROH! THATS ALL WE CAN SAY IS STAN IROH

ohh oh oh no honey,,, he misses his son so much we are all crying nooooo

[me: his soldier boy didn’t come home :(((

levi: soulja boy?

Abby: >:( ] 

ohh aang babey

[abby comments on how she can’t believe aang shaves his head and we’re forced to confront the fact that this whole time she thought he just didn’t grow hair or something]

he said my zoo is nasty and broke kjdskjsfklsd

aang buddy WHAT

abby: you’re friends with TWO animals why did you think that meant all animals

CABBAGE MAN NOOOO DSJKDSF cabbage man is the one who needs hope

THIS is a day in the life of aang???? he just be causing chaos?? sjkkldfdkljs

aang does NOT have the braincell this episode lol

ohh the whistle!!! if appa is here somewhere he heard that,, appa come back we miss you

justice for cabbage man!! cabbage man deserves better!

aang i’m sorry but what are you even doing my dude. why is this what you decided to do today fjksdfla

oh brother can EARTHBEND!! We respect aang in this household

WOAH WHAT THIS IS SO COOL OMG AANG WE LOVE YOUR ZOO

Ok fine aang i take it back. I support you and your zooing endeavors this is a valid thing to do with your day I have to admit. again, no choice but to stan aang

[the words ’the tale of sokka’ appear onscreen and we all erupt in cheers]

abby: he just be boomeranging all around for real

is sokka about to find a girl?? I feel like that’s what’s gonna happen and sokka bud that’s just not what you need I have to say

ksfdkjl this is what this is,,, sokka just wakes up every morning and Loves Women huh

[levi, paused on a frame of sokka: now THIS is baby. you guys see zuko for one split second onscreen and go “BAAAYBEEY” but THIS is what baby really looks like. I have nothing against zuko but every time he’s just walking down the street you guys go “BABY!”

me: yes!

abby: and we’re right!

levi: okay but I just don’t understand why zuko’s so baby!

me: it’s because he needs a hug! tell me you don’t look at that boy and say he needs a hug!

levi: so does iroh!

abby: yes but iron’s like, okay with himself. zuko is straight up NEVER having a good time and is convinced that he’s worthless and has to earn love bc his father is straight garbage

me: and sokka is, like, doing okay. he has the gaang. he has some self-esteem. “baby” is kind of related not only to how baby you are but also how much babying you need. zuko needs a LOT of babying.]

THEY CLAPPED FOR HIM SDFLSFJKFDJF

remarkable oaf dsjkfd SOKKA

is he about to haiku battle this girl?? is that what’s happening????

levi: this is like civilized rap battling

[we absolutely lose it and applaud wildly every time sokka completes a verse]

he’s getting kicked out for saying a haiku wrong??? dsflksda this is the funniest thing that has ever happened to sokka ever

levi, once sokka’s tale is over: THAT WAS SO SHORT. THAT WAS SO SHORT

abby: it is time for my little zucchini.

[abby and I instinctively yell “baby” at the screen as soon as zuko appears. levi has a point.]

oooo that girl just be making eyes at him for real

bro she just asked him out??? “he’d love to” IROH DSKLKLFSJD

HE COMBED HIS HAIR OMG SFJDJKSLDJD WHAT WE’RE LOSING IT ZUKO WHYYYYYY OH NO OH NO

oh thank goodness. girl Knows zuko rocks the scruffy look

oh zuko is so uncomfortable sdkjffd he SCREAMED this is not my gf and she did not bat an eye omg

zuko what??? the circus??? honey you’re so stupid

oh zuko nooooo. do not. not after you got mad at iron for warming his tea!!! zuko DO NOT

[intermission in which we all sing I see the light from tangled]

SHE DID THE DEBBIE RYAN HAIR THING JDSKFKLFGJ

[intermission in which we debate whether zuko can see out of his burned eye and whether the marks on his scar are beauty marks, additional scars, or artistic accents he drew on himself]

he gave her a coupon???? zuko?????????

ok I am not convinced this man is straight i’m gonna be real with you. this girl kissed him and he said I have to leave immediately dkslksdfajs imagine

KDFDSKJ HE CAME HOME AND HID IN THE CLOSET

aww he said it was nice :)))) we love zuko having a nice time

THE TALE OF MOMO YESSSSS

ohh its appa!!!! oh is momo dreaming? I think momo’s dreaming :(

abby: am I gonna cry about a lemur today? I didn’t think so

ohhhh is momo gonna find appa??? momo find appa!!! momo pls!

someone should give momo a gun honestly

dsjksdfkj momo’s got moves tho!! boy got thrown into a dance ring and immediately pulled out the sickest moves u can imagine

[levi: i’m sorry is momo carrying that panther??

me: momo’s carrying this show are you surprised]

YALL DO NOT TOUCH MOMO

dsfjkdajklsda momo said BYE

Abby [while momo is saving the panther cat things] : momo aang taught you too many morals. put some back

wait do they know where appa is??? where is appa?? OH THAT’S HIS FOOTPRINT

WHERE IS APPA???? that’s the end??? we still didn’t get appa back noooooooo

Final thoughts: incredible episode so many good moments. But we just want appa back :(

[littlebabycrybtch]

i dont wanna ruin ppls fun or w/e but i just,,,,,,, anybody else honestly getting tired of seeing character coding essays. bc like. ppl will write some analysis on how a character is ‘coded’ as a minority and then their examples literally just boil down to 100% personal headcanons revolving around stereotypes, baiting, or just literally making something out of nothing. like. i am not personally gonna Celebrate that?? and im not gonna give some random privileged creator my praise for any one of those things???

idk hot take but.... imo? coding isnt. even good. its not a diversity positive thing to ‘’’code’’’ a character. frankly most of the time a character isnt even fucking coded as anything, but even when thats truly the case, its not rly. representation. its half assed, its a cop out decision. it should be like. a last resort for when you Cant represent a trait, like if ur fighting censorship or smth. otherwise................ whats the point of it dude. im rly not trying to be black or white abt it but. minority rep is not the place for requiring ‘analysis’. just represent the fucking trait. if you want people to think your character is a certain thing... blatantly make them the thing. you dont make majorities play guessing games with their rep, why should i let you play me like that. i dont want your symbolism or ‘’’’’’coding’’’’’’. to me its insulting, demeaning, and does nothing for me. and thats just talking about when coding posts end up being Reasonable, 9 times out of 10... its downright eyeroll worthy. now ofc, however you choose to relate to characters is 100% fine, and you viewing their traits as relatable to your through your own minority lens is valid analysis! but its kinda inexcusable to ignore the social harm it causes to just. literally out loud pretend that blatantly coincidental or even Malicious character choices are actually intentional, and that this vague intention would mean anything truly progressive anyways, especially when once again, most of these ‘coding’ essays are written about stereotypes and baiting. coding at this point seems to be just... a fancy word for ‘a headcanon with a little extra analysis to fantasize that this was the truth all along, yaaay everybody agree with me’.

in other words.... if you try to tell me one more time about how this quirky character is autism coded, or this male character who one time said he doesnt like sports is gay coded, i am gonna fucking scream. lmao dude. no they arent. thats not real. they arent for me. they dont represent me. they were probably written by an abled cishet who isnt thinking about me at all, so im sorry, but its just too much to ask for me to pretend with you. i refuse to lower my standards that fucking far. i will Not clap for that, i will Not fake that this means anything to me just bc you want me to. and if its actually supposed to be that way, well tbh the concept would probably offend me bc based on the points given it sounds like absolute garbage rep anyways. smh. like its fine when you see stuff that way, but thats a fuckign HEADCANON ok, stop using stereotypes and baiting as examples of ANYTHING positive or realistic, and pls just go back to writing HEADCANON analysis essays instead of implying this sort of shit is intentional and progressive, unless you have CLEAR evidence thats fucking real and makes sense!! im sorry to be harsh but it makes me wanna pull my hair out lmao. idk, have fun, but pls stop and think about how it affects other minorities (and if you’re one, remember the people in your group besides yourself) when you leap from ‘this is what i think for self related reasons’, and ‘this is what i am going to publicly claim is the truth’. theres a big difference in headcanon vs coding conversations, and the problem is its way more harmful if you fuck ‘coding’ up the way a Lot of people have been.

[urproblematicfav-arsonk]

There's a lot of things about Borderlands 3 that makes it kinda a garbage game. And all of those things are valid and true but a aspect of bl3 that deeply bothers me isn't something I've really seen people talk about?? Maybe they have but I missed it but I want to say my interpretation. (Also like, spoiler warning throughout all of this post)

To start off with: hi, I'm a autistic afab nonbinary person and this is relevant for this little rant I'm bout to go on.

I want to begin by stating why I love this franchise so much.

Borderlands, whether you like it or not, is INCREDIBLY queer. And not in a coded kind of way, it's just flat out gay as fuck. And that means so fucking much to me. Borderlands 2 was one of the first times I ever felt fully represented in a game. Zer0 being this dumbass making Yugioh references and generally being a fun garbage boy and also being nonbinary meant a lot to me and I adore him to this day (nonbinary people can use gendered pronouns fuc off). And getting more and more into this series and finding out that basically every character was on some level queer was really cool to me. Maya being asexual and most of the characters being attracted to multiple genders so honestly and off handily was so refreshing and amazing to get to play through. The casual mentions of a woman's wife or some man's husband in the echo's you find or Moxxi talking about her ex girlfriends was one of the reasons I loved this so much.

Another thing I loved particularly about Borderlands 2 was how feminist it was. I can not tell you how quickly I lost my shit at Mr. Torgue talking about the friend zone being misogynistic(it is btw). And the repeated jokes about fully murdering men for being rude to women was some of the highlights of my first playthrough. Punching a guy till he explodes because he disrespected a sex worker?? Fucking immaculate.

SPEAKING OF SEX WORK.

Mad Moxxi is a icon. She is a mother of MULTIPLE children, a survivor of rape and assault and a fucking bad bitch who runs a now intergalactic titty bar. Getting to have not only a sex worker be respected in a narrative, Moxxi is fun and a genuinely complex character who isn't defined by her job or her appearance. She is emotional and strong and funny and flawed but amazing person.

And then there's the way the male characters a represented and treated. I'll be honest here, I haven't really played Borderlands 1, mostly because have been spoiled by auto pick up and also I just didn't feel like it. So my idea of most of the men are based entirely off of Bl2, the pre-sequel and Tales. Anyway, Mordecai in particular is a character I really liked upfront. I love how a lot of his motivation and character is driven by his love of animals and Bloodwing. He's kind and though troubled knows when to get his shit together and be there when he needs to be. His casual "are you okay?" After the latter falls in the Arid Nexus was such a nice moment and the way he genuinely tries to be there emotionally for all of the people around him who he cares for is so fucking rare to see in a male character. And his arc of giving up alcohol to focus on being a better bird dad and you getting to help Brick make Mordecai a special gift to celebrate his sobriety is so amazing and I'm so proud of him.

Mr. Torgue is my dad and I love him. As mentioned, he is normal and believes that the friend zone is absolute garbage talk is ICONIC™ and the best scene in that game fight me. Torgue is a crybaby. He is an emotional person who is not afraid to express his pain and hurt when people are mean to him. He respects women and loves unicorns. The fact that is physical appearance is a big muscle guy who screams but is the literal opposite of toxic masculinity will forever make him the best male character of all time and I love him and he is my dad.

Roland was a character that I was never in particularly attached to but I still respect him and did enjoy his presence. I really appreciated his leadership style being primarily based on empathy and logic as opposed to him being a big meanie man with a HUGE dick who yells at people. I always really resonated with the echo from Tannis talking about how she came to Sanctuary. Roland going out of his way to bring Tannis to safety while completely respecting her autism and struggle with socializing really made his death hit harder when Tannis was very obviously distraught by losing him. It really seems that Roland was the only one who didn't treat her differently. And as someone who's autistic, finding people who legit 100% understand and respect you and just let you live the way you want/need to is kinda hard and those are the qualities I'd personally want in a leader.

Angel is also a big spot of affection for me. Handsome Jack being a irrefutably horrible person who Angel flat out says gaslights people and killed her means a lot to me considering 99% of Bad Parent stories end with "I forgive u" getting to see an abusive victim take that narrative and say fuck you was powerful and meant a lot to me coming from my own abusive home life.

There's a lot of other things I love about Borderlands but if I keep going I won't stop lol so let's get into why Borderlands 3 makes me so uncomfortable.

One of the main things that bothered me was the sexism. Its nothing too horrifying but given how feminist bl2 was it was really shocking and a bit hurtful the number of times women are called bitches or made to seem crazy. If you recall I brought up how you punch a man to death for calling a woman a bitch? Yea no, in this game we mock women for having boundaries and opinions because lol she's just a CRAZY BITCH who just needs to stop acting so hysterical am I right guys?

Yea the whole mission with that stupid bear thing and his ex robot girlfriend made me insanely uncomfortable and upset. I kept waiting for the gotcha moment where it says actually this bear guy is a dick and he shouldn't use language like that but no we just,,,,,, are supposed to laugh along. I hate it.

Even though Borderlands 3 is still very much queer, this game introducing 2 new trans characters as well as a whole DLC about a gay marriage and one of the playable characters being a lesbian there was this some shit that bothered me.

The mission where you crash and ruin a lesbian wedding.

That mission made so upset and uncomfortable. I hated how traumatized and hurt Tumorhead was as I murdered her family and wife. I hated how unfulfilling the mission was where PLOT TWIST the lady was actually a spy or whatever. I hate how there's a mission about ruining some poor psycho ladies wedding. I would've much more preferred a mission where Idk Bloodshine asks you to help her kill a spy who's causing problems and then fucking go around Promethea collecting wedding decorations or something. OR MAYBE JUST NOT A MISSION WHERE YOU KILL LESBIANS FOR NO FUCKING REASON.

I'm mad, anyway.

I also hated how Tannis was treated in this game. Under absolutely no circumstance would Doctor Patricia Tannis ever willingly take up a position of leadership. She is a severely autistic woman who gets nose bleeds from talking to people she wouldn't just be like "I'm in charge now pls talk to me!!!" Fuck off. And the joke about her dating a minecart isn't funny. The whole thing with the chairs, though funny in its absurdities was still a very important and powerful moment of character exploration. Tannis is insane. She is traumatized and hurt and in a moment of severe torture, she humanized some inanimate objects to cope. Tannis crying over the echo over Phillip is a heartbreaking moment of true vulnerability. It is also funny, because that's how good dark comedy works. It can be both hysterical and emotionally ruining at the same time. So what exactly does Tannis divorcing a minecart mean? What is this saying about her character? Why is it funny? Because lol lol reference??? Again, fuck off.

I hate how the Calypso twins childhood is handled. Troy implies it was horribly abusive and traumatic. But when we met Typhon whatever, he acts like it wasn't that bad??? He acts like he just didn't buy his kids the latest iPhone and oh no whoopsie now they're evil, my bad guys. It feels super weird and I don't like it.

Speaking of abusive parents. THEY DID MY GIRL ANGEL DIRTY SO BAD. This was literally when I decided I hated this game. Angel being the one who killed her mother and not Jack was fucking horrible. Especially after the literal foreshadowing in borderlands 2 implying he did. The fact that Jack is treated like a fearful man making what he thought was the right decision was insulting. I get that MattPat manipulated the fandom into thing Jack is a uwu bean but fuck you, you're the writers and you should fucking know better. Handsome Jack saw his daughter had power and turned her into a living battery for him to use as he saw fit. He was not scared and he was NOT right. Fuck you and fuck you for framing child abuse as chill and ok if your spooked enough like that. And the mission directly contradicts the echo's in Get To Know Jack. If Angel killed her mom why does she ask Jack where her mommy is when he's putting her in her chambers?? Why is it in the echo Jack is aggressive and forcibly and hurtfully makes her go into her chambers but in the memory, he's quiet and passive about it?? That's literally just flat out bad writing. Also fuck you.

Anyway,

I think that's really all I wanted to say about this topic. Obviously, there are also things that suck about bl3 but I'll try to chill and not make this too long.

I mostly wanted to make this to see if people cared/are bothered by the same things I am. I've seen how some of the fandom treats the more emotional and gay aspects of this franchise(the people throwing a fit over Amara, the friend zone line, not respecting trans peoples pronouns, sexualizing and being gross about Moxxi)

Anyway that's it byeeeeeeeeeeeee

[wickedgamesoyaoya]

Amnesia - Hearts ~ Aug 4.

Malignant emptiness had secured reign over your heart. Slowly it spread throughout your system, beginning its quest to contaminate the liquid coursing through your veins. Not a single atom would be spared – each memory attached to your skin would be vanquished. The simplest touches to the warmth of your best friend, nothing would remain. Any efforts to combat the virus plaguing you was futile; you were no match for the craftsmanship of an ethereal being. As your final memory was seized by the excruciating cleanse, the person you once were ceased to exist. Born anew, y/n, welcome to your game.

The sound of foreign voices engaged in casual conversation had jolted awake your dormant senses. Due to your malfunctioning hippocampus, your face had naturally scrunched up as fragments of still-shots flickered inside of your head, resembling a filmstrip with numerous punctures. The only image that persisted long after the others incinerated was of a bed-headed male crouched on a staircase, with his face buried in his hands. It was the same male that regarded you with such concern the second your eyelids had fluttered open.

“She’s awake.” Within seconds, the droopy eyed stranger was at your side, his irises searched yours for any sign of injury, while yours struggled to retain any recognition. “Hey, y/n. How are you feeling?”

That was a valid question, one you were not prepared to answer, not because you did not want to. But because you did not know the answer yourself.

Groggily you pressed your hands on either side of the single mattress, as your elbows threatened to cave in, Kuroo slid an arm around you, stabilizing your movements. Behind him Makoto released a sigh, locating a hand to her forehead as she mumbled a comment about her blood-pressure.

Your heart skipped an involuntary beat the second his fingers connected with the fabric draped over your skin. The sensation, however, was prompted by fear, rather than fondness. Kuroo, who had felt your muscles tense, had removed his arm after confirming you were steady.

“Y/n, honey. Can you say something?” Makoto proceeded a cautious step closer, with a reassuring smile on her lips. “Are you in pain?”

Your y/e/c irises focused on the black-haired girl’s ensemble, searching for any indication of where you were or who you were with. A nametag had revealed her identity along with their location – Jack Rose. A small ache developed in your temples as you repeated the café’s name, striving to instigate any recollection. Using two fingers, you applied pressure to the throbbing location, with your gaze settling on your own uniform. Y/n – employee of Jack Rose was sewn into the right corner.

The reality of the situation was beginning to dawn on you. From what you could gather, something had occurred during your shift and now you were experiencing a form of amnesia. Miraculously, the realization had not thrown you into a state of distress. The memories would come back, they would have to... You just needed a trigger.

“I’m okay. Um…Where’s my phone?” The sound of your own voice had startled you – a fact that had chipped away at the little hope you were clinging to. How could you forget yourself? What had happened to you…?

If there was anything that would kick-start your mental processes, it would be past photos or videos. For now, it was vital to discover your relationship to the three people gawking at you.

“She’s asking for her phone, how typical. She’s fine.” Makoto clicked her tongue in distaste, while fetching the device from her apron pocket. “You dropped it when you fainted, silly bird.” She then lobbed the phone towards your lap.

“I don’t know…I still think we shoul’ take her to the hospital.” From the very moment he arrived, Atsumu’s attention had remained secured on you. The older male was tracking your every movement to form mental notes that he could relay if need be to a physician. “What do ya think, ‘surou?”

“If she won’t answer our questions, then we have no choice.” Kuroo’s response did not register as your attention was solely on the smart device held within your palm. The quest to discover your identity began with Twitter – your profile to be exact.

It was strange to say the least to read over your inner thoughts with no recollection. Twitter was in some forms the new generations version of a dairy. What had you meant about acting on your feelings? Feelings for what? Or feelings for who? The guessing game was brought to a pause as an incoming message demanded your attention.

It’s not safe…? The three simple words had punctured your lungs, the air within the confines of the lunchroom could no longer be accepted. Dread etched across your chest, yet the small voice in your head directed you to present yourself as collected.

“Y/n?” Suddenly the blonde male had a palm over your forehead to assess whether you had a fever. During your little exploration, Makoto had exited the room and only the two boys remained.

“I’m fine, guys. But I am a bit tired, do you think I could go home?” A weary smile was forced onto your lips to verify the truth of your words –but it failed to convince either of them.

“You already worked a shift today; I can help in the kitchen. It’s alrigh’. Take her home. But if she doesn’t feel any better, take her to the hospital.” Atsumu lifted his shoulders into a short shrug, the response was evidently directed at the black-haired male who agreed with a nod.

“Okay, let’s go.”

* * *

The journey home was laced with silence, outside of the occasional inquiries from the younger male on your health. He was insistent, you mentally noted, but also endearing. Before leaving Jack Rose, you skimmed through your contacts and following to ascertain the names of those closest to you. The one from earlier was Atsumu – the person you had tweeted about. The girl was Makoto, your co-worker and perhaps one of your best friends. The person who was currently staring at you questionably was Tetsurou. At one point a spark of longing had flashed in his irises, only increasing the guilt hovering over you for forgetting his existence.

Well, if it made him feel any better, you also forgot your own –

“Oi. Where are you going?” Kuroo’s fingers tangled with the fabric of your collar, tugging you a few steps back as you accidentally missed the entrance of your building. “Did you forget where you lived?” The latter part of the sentence was spoken through a slightly higher pitch, demonstrating his growing concern.

“Oh, sorry. I was lost in thought.” Artificial laughter bubbled in your throat, irritating your tonsils in the process.

“If something was wrong, you would tell me, right?” His hands found refuge in his jacket pockets, yet his gaze did not waver from yours. Your attempts to reassure him were once again dismissed instantly. Withholding the truth from him was beginning to become more difficult, and you were unsure whether you could – he was incredibly perceptive.

“Yes… I promise. After some sleep, I’ll be brand-new.” Or so you hoped.

“Okay. I’m going to hold you to that.” Truthfully, there was nothing you could say to ease his concerns. But a promise would suffice for now. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Fifteen minutes. Fifteen whole minutes until you were able to determine what apartment number was yours. The task would have been much simpler if you checked your ubereats account rather than scrolling through your messages. A small sliver of hope had ignited within your heart when you twisted the key in the lock, perhaps seeing your apartment would trigger a memory or two. Anything would be helpful at this point; you were sincerely grasping at straws.

Instantly any hope that lingered deflated, only to be replaced with frustration. Answers – you needed answers. Retrieving your phone from your bag, you tapped on messages and alerted the one person who knew about your predicament that you were home.

No, this could not be happening. An elaborate joke, maybe, but not the truth. How could you digest this information – how could anyone? A sob clogged the back of your throat as fear washed over your system. Desperate to confirm you were simply stuck in a warped nightmare, you forced yourself to search the apartment for anything that would make sense. If you had to accept this reality, how could you arm yourself without your memories? Who was friend or foe?

It was only when you crumpled onto the ground in defeat when your eyes landed on a charm glimmering under your bedframe. Attached to the dazzling piece was… a dairy. Instinctively, your fingers brushed along the cover before tugging on the string to where the latest entry was written.

                                                                                                             Aug 3rd.

One day will it be different…? Will he wake up and see me differently? Or am I destined to feel this way forever? Ah, unrequited love, the subject of many Shakespearian stories and the source of my latest dilemma. Could he come to love me? See me beyond a sister-figure? The question remains unanswered… and I doubt I shall ever know it. And so, I welcome this bittersweet misery.

Ew, this sounds like a cheesy poem, not a diary entry. I feel sorry for my future self, having to read this garbage. But my problem remains. To be or to not be? Just kidding, this isn’t Hamlet. To tell one of my childhood best friends that I love him or to not? I guess not.

 Amnesia - Hearts ~ Aug 4.

Masterlist - Previous - Next

A/N: I really hope the formatting on this didn’t fuck up. someone pls let me know if it did. 

Tag-list: @kara-grayson04 @namyari , @cuddlesslut , @iloveanime691 @shakiraisawesome @idiot-juice-enthusiast@fangirling-25-8 @krynnza @yetchann @chxrry-wxne​ @tsukiak4ri​

[transboybreeder]

(1/?) Hi, I'm sorry if this is not ok, but I wanted to reach out to other kinky transmasc people. I've checked out r/ftmspunished on reddit and I've posted content there before. Sometimes, when I am horny, I like being misgendered/treated like a girl. But I deleted my reddit account because I always felt terrible after coming. I feel as if most of the men who would message me there are cis and really think I'm an actual woman. I feel as if trans people are nothing but a fetish to them.

(2/2) Also, most of them are not good at sexting? They ask for more and more pics of me doing this or that, but often the excitement goes away and I end up doing stuff without enjoying it. I feel guilty. I really like sexting like that. If I could find a reliable, trust worthy man who I know won't see me as a woman even if being misgendered gets me wet sometimes and who I can be sure won't do stuff like sharing my photos, that would be so good. I want to explore being submissive. But it's hard.

its totally okay to bring stuff like this up in my inbox ftr but oof, yeah. first of yall im glad that you had the strength to delete your reddit because that subreddit is garbage. the entire premise is just... awful. the first time i came across it i felt physically sick. not like, trans men being kinky and nasty, but just, the entire point of it is for trans men to offer themselves up for cis male consumption. it can be fun to post nudes or something like that and get comments and shit esp if youre into like exposure or humiliation (i’ve done it before through a dom who moderated comments) but that whole subreddit is just. such a toxic environment imo. like get better standards pls. cause i can tell you that you’re right and for the majority of the cis people on there its a fetish to them. even if they’re not necessarily transphobic otherwise, even if they see you as a man and know the kink doesnt change that, they are aroused by sexually degrading and misgendering trans people. thats a problem. and how commonplace it is is kinda just rebranded misogyny IMO, like misgendering kinks with transfem people are significantly less common.

but also, i totally get what you mean about the sexting. they just ask for pictures like they’re fucking ordering off a menu in a drive through. they want pics of this, and that, and you doing this, or wearing this, and give you little to nothing in return. its fucking boring and its not fun. i used to sext internet strangers a lot and i did some weird fucking shit just cause a guy asked me to bc i wanted validation. so my advice with that is to like. stop doing that entirely sndjkskdn its really not worth it and there are so many better ways of finding people to talk to. finding them through social media is usually good bc you can at least like vet them a little bit before you get into anything.

you just gotta find a guy. try looking around here, try fetlife (though my advice with using fetlife would be an entirely different post) and make a connection. bc fantasies involving misgendering and stuff involve a cis person being in the position of a violent oppressor, essentially, even in that fantasy setting. find someone you trust and like enough to GIVE that role. stuff like that subreddit revolve around cis people taking that role or assuming they deserve it when they dont. it can be hard and feel like youre hella pent up but keep kinks like that to private controlled spaces and relationships. thats my best advice to you. put yourself out there but save stuff like that for when someone’s checked your boxes.

also remember that a person having someone submit to them is a privilege. the idea that bottoms/subs should be grateful when a top/dom graces them with attention and/or their dick is fucking toxic as hell and creates unhealthy dynamics and expectations. 

[dcarhcarts]

regarding recent absences

And other such updates!

If you want the tl;dr, here it is: my mental health isn’t in the greatest place right now, and I figured I ought to explain why I must ask you for continued patience for the snail speed on this blog. I’m not announcing official hiatus, but just know that I...might continue to be pretty scarce, but I’m trying my best to be here and to be writing here. To hopefully get me more active here, I plan on dropping a few threads and cleaning out my dash re: people who follow me but aren’t writing with me. You’re more than welcome to keep following me if I unfollow you, and if you want to write with me and just haven’t gotten the chance and would like me to re-follow you, pls just go ahead and shoot me an im. I will be making a separate post about both those things, it’s just that I can’t deal with how fast my dash is moving at the moment.

If you care for the long version, under the cut so as to not bother everyone else!!! Be warned that it’s uh...it’s l o n g. TW for depression and anxiety and the general things my brain does to me lolol. 

Wow I haven’t used the post title function in a l o n g time. Anyway, hi, it’s me, Ro, your friendly neighborhood mun of a 20+ muse mumu. Don’t let the kind-of-serious format scare you - nothing bad is happening. I just have a few things that I felt the need to address that have been happening either in my life or just in my screwed up brain :D Buckle in and get ready for the ride, I guess?

Starting with something y’all already know about - I’ve not been here a lot recently. I joke about that a lot, but really, if you catch the pattern, my activity here is: exclusively after 10 pm, 2 drafts at most a day, inbox straight up clogged from like a month ago. IMS basically desolate, because I haven’t worked up the courage to pick them back up since I last forgot about them in the endless stream of things I had to do about a month ago! (that being said, uh, if you want to talk to me your best bet is probably through discord. Ro#6782 - pls, mutuals only, and tell me who you are!)  

And - because I h a t e being that mun that reblogs memes and asks for for them and then never answers their askbox / puts out starter calls when she has 10000 drafts / puts out plotting calls when she has unanswered ims, (no problem at all when other people do this but somehow when it’s m e I’m like “no you’re a terrible person”???? hmmm), I’ve also been avoiding t h o s e. If you’re new and you followed me in the last month, I’ve been putting out n o t h i n g that indicates a willingness to interact with new/more people, while the opposite is true. I’m always willing to interact - if I follow back, I want to write with you, only, well, aforementioned issue aside, I also have m o r e problems.

Namely, IRL and the fucked up thing called my brain. 

As most of you know, I got a job ~end of may or early juuuune~ and....well it’s pretty damn time consuming. I can’t have my phone during the course of my job - by the way, 4 hours - and so in those 4 hours (from 4 pm to 8 pm) I can basically get nothing done here. Then there’s also the fact that the time my shift is placed mentally and physically drains me a lot. Because it starts at 4, most of my morning is spent thinking “god I don’t wanna go to work” and because it ends at 8, most of my evening is spent trying very hard not to doze off. It also drains me a lot socially - I work at a call center, and all day I’m basically calling people who don’t want me to call them and are very irate even when they pick up, and uh, that already doesn’t do well for my anxiety haha. 

The other thing, of course - is my sort-of-seasonal depression. Winter tends to equate to anxiety for me, and summer tends to equate to depression. Again, I think I’ve joked about this a lot, but I apparently can only do drafts when I have 3 finals tomorrow and I haven’t studied for any of them. When it’s break, I get into a really weird slump - when i wake up in the morning, I don’t really want to wake up, and sometimes just stare at the wall for like, an hour. Nothing that I enjoyed during the other months, I seem to enjoy doing now. There’s too much time and too little time. It’s like i spent the whole day doing absolutely nothing meaningful but I can’t break myself out of the cycle so I keep doing that, rinse and repeat day after day, and sometimes my definition of spending time is just lying down in bed again and doing nothing for an hour randomly in the middle of the day. I feel guilty for wasting time as much as I am clueless as to how to fill it in a fulfilling way. “But Ro, you could do drafts!” A Concerned Person May Say. “You like writing!” Well, Kind Person, on some of these days, absolutely n o t h i n g Sparks Joy. 

“But Ro, I follow you on your other blog too!” The Concerned Person might continue.“You’re kind of active there, aren’t you?” And the answer, Kind Person who supported my career even if that blog is mostly obscure af fandoms - is yes.  I am kind of active on my other blog, @storyblcd. This brings us to the third and final reason why I’m.....moving at snail’s speed here, and that, my good friend - is anxiety. Well, mixed with a certain amount of mental exhaustion, of course. Note: this is n o t anyone’s fault. People’s interactions with me have not been negative - and they are not responsible for how my brain chooses to reaact to it. 

I’ve not lost muse for the muses on this blog, per se - but I’m getting burned out really fast writing them, for multiple reasons. First, muse imbalance. Now I know, I definitely k n o w - that sometimes people like one muse more than another, or have more interest in writing with one or the other, and I get that. I’ve said multiple multiple times that that is p e r f e c t l y fine. But honestly the reason I’ve lasted so long on a multimuse is because I can pick which muse I have muse for when, and I can respond accordingly / ask for interactions accordingly. But when I get so many people coming at me at once for the o n e muse when I have t w e n t y it sometimes gets a little? Discouraging? It makes me question whether or not only that one muse is popular for a reason. It also exhausts me re: the portrayal of that muse, because I”m putting out so many replies for that muse in a lot of sort of similar plots/scenarios that I just get burnt right out. And then I get scared that if I keep going I’ll want to drop the muse, so I’m staying away from those threads a little bit.

Second, I’m at a point in my portrayal of certain muses where I feel like there’s a certain expectation for how it’s going to be. My personal feelings aside, I think every mun expects their own portrayal to be different and unique and exciting - and it’s not different for me, only now I feel like the expectation and the pressure of coming up with something good and meaningful outweighs the feeling of exploration as I’m “discovering” the muse. Like most writers - I still crave validation, though more and more lately, I’m at a place in my writing where I f e e l like me from 2 months ago could have probably done a better job. While it’s not necessarily true, and these pressures are coming from m e and not any outside source, I f e e l like I have to consistently Make Good Writing, and simultaneously feel like some days I sit down and I try to do drafts and all I write is garbage. It just - doesn’t feel the same? So - more and more, I’m staring at the empty drafts page and then closing it - because if I don’t w r i t e I don’t have to admit I peaked two months ago.  

Both of these reasons have made me rather a bit avoidant of my muses here / this blog. Now, I’ve been struggling with anxiety for long enough that I know that a lot of this is - well, p r o b a b l y just my brain lying to me. See even as I’m writing this post now, my anxiety is saying “haha guess what n o one cares you’ve been gone” and my rational Anxiety-is-a-stupid-asshole voice is saying “nahhhhhh your brain is probably just lying to you.” But! In the battle, anxiety is kind of pummeling me now. I will r i s e again and win the war, most likely - but for now it’s anxiety: 1 and ro: 0.

AND finally - if you made it all the way down here, you’re a c h a m p. The solution! Well, as much of a solution as I’m hoping to get anyway - we’ll have to see if it implements well. I’m going to unfollow a few blogs so I can get my dash cleaner/more organized/less fast-moving and b r e a t h e. I’m going to drop a couple of threads, I might make a couple more muses request only/exclusive only for the like 2 people that have threads with them, I might drop a couple muses (though I don’t think this will really happen, Idk tho). There will be separate posts on those things coming soon, this is just to notify y’all. Thank you for all of your patience, thank you for all the wonderful people who’ve allowed me to write with you, I love all of you!!!!