#plus nothing gets done bc i dont know what to do with myself

[toastsnaffler]

hour and a half unpaid overtime I think that's a new record for me. on a day where I was supposed to have no overtime no less. funny how I only have 3 of those this month and the 2 so far I've had to work overtime anyway 👍

[blkkizzat]

Helppp I feel so dumb for not knowing that was already on your kicktober list from last year 😭🙏 not me being proud of myself for thinking I came up with a good, original idea 🥲

ANYWAYS... I know you still have a bunch of works to get to from last year but I honestly have a lot more ideas I think that are original or not that popular.

I don't really expect you to use these tho just because I'm pretty sure you have a bunch of ideas aswel!!!

Ok moving on. 🤩

Stalker!Toji

it would have drugging (not really a kink 🤷‍♀️),EXTRA dirty talk, and public sex 😍

He’s been watching you for a while now ever since you caught his eye while bartending at a local club, after following you home every night,needing to know more about you, one night he comes to the club, offering you a “friendly” drink on him, but who knows what he does with it once you turn your back 😈

that’s basically the “plot”, you can change it however u want 😭 I tried to keep it short so you could think of some ideas for it yourself 🫠

(I have 0 idea how to write) but i definitely think it would be noncon/dubcon but reader would enjoy/consent in the end, like you said in your general warnings on kinktober 23

Succubus!Sukuna

Okk I’m pretty sure this was already done before but I have my own twists 🤭

Virginity Loss (reader), Monsterfucking, Dumbification

Your friends were all talking about how they already lost their virginity and it made you feel left out that you couldn’t relate, so you do some research on the internet on how to easily lose your virginity and find out about Succubus’s, you do some deep digging and find out how to actually summon one! Obviously thinking it’s not gonna work, you follow the directions.

I didn’t know how to end it off so it’s a bit trashy… I actually really like this idea 😫

ClutLeader!Geto

I know he’s a cult leader in general but in a lot of peoples AUs he isn’t, plus i imagine this one a little darker, anyways it would have sex toys, bondage, edging.

You join a cult bc some reason you wanted to, you were a total newbie when you first joined in, you didn’t know where anything was or any of the rules, so you end up roaming the halls in the middle of the night, trying to create a map in your head, until clutleader!Geto finds you mindlessly wandering around and decided to take likening to you.

I could have totally continued going but…yknow 🤷‍♀️ you don’t have to use these at all there just plus you already used all these characters from last year, I just thought it would be fun sharing it, you can totally switch up the kinks to your liking if you do decide to use one of these, I just picked out ones that went well with the idea.

-🪼

Nooo 🪼 pookiess dont feel bad! That just means its an extra good idea if we both thought it up!

Stalker!Toji - so my YOU fic The Nursery is pretty much stalker Toji. But I can do more of a one shot kidnapping scenario as—omg wait you just gave me such a good idea and it has nothing to do with this but its still for toji dfjhadskhsdfkj. I can't spill the tea now until i work it out more but *kisses u*

Succubus!Sukuna - hehe is this genderbent sukuna? Succubus is the female demon that goes after males and Incubus is the male demon that goes after females. I can do something similar though like with a ouija board or something. its been done before so i would have to think of something unique for him. (also i might end up doing incubus!geto)

CultLeader!Geto - you know ive never done anything for him as a cult leader. Theres been so many delicious fics too, but I will think of something. Definitely could explore something here. Although I do write my readers kinda sassy so let me think on how this would go down. This also could just be bimbo reader. fhsdksjhdjkfshdbv.

But tysm for the ideas!! I do appreciate them. Even if I don't use them it can be nice just to get the prompts as that helps me with other fics too! 💓 🫶🏽

[butch-reidentified]

Your lack of self awareness about your own "dysphoria" is causing you to justify an extremely antifeminist industry and those profiting from selling marginalized women self-destruction. You have all the expected comorbidities (OCD/anorexia/body dysmorphia plus unresolved trauma from extreme homophobia) of someone in your position, shared with most female people who seek this surgery, and not someone with an implausible, never validated neurological disorder that coincidentally happens to map precisely onto misogynistic and homophobic ideas of the female body. Your "resolution" of symptoms is dependent on defending your decision and not the actual reality of the results. Your comorbid issues (especially OCD, which your wife is enabling) are obviously still raging through your life no matter what you say. It is a direct insult to every woman who feels violated by what happened to them to claim that not only are you one of the only people on the planet to truly need this surgery but that you read their stories of profoundly woman-hating trauma to convince yourself that you were a uniquely informed and more authentic candidate. P.S. I would "pull up" but I have a job instead of whatever grift you run. Good luck and hope you figure this out before too many other women see you as a role model.

LMAO this is so so amazing thank you. when I tell you this reads like TRA arguments... straight up making things up, projecting, absurdity, and ad hominem bs. delightful!

long post incoming but I am gonna break this down on a micro level bc I haven't talked about these topics in a minute + I'm high and it seems like fun, like a satisfying puzzle, kind of, to break this down into individual parts and address each part. Plus, asks like this provide opportunities to really dive into nuance and detail on several of one's ideas, experiences, and worldviews all in one place, which I've always enjoyed.

I am gonna preface by saying several parts of this are blatantly bad faith, and I am answering more for others to read than for anon. In particular, the claim that I said I am one of the few people who "truly NEED" this surgery. Given you clearly read at least some of my posts on dysphoria, certainly you saw that I repeatedly emphasized that I never have or will view this as a "need." It's also worth noting that most of my posts on this were written quite some time ago, and I don't remember everything I ever wrote on the topic off the top of my head, but I 150% do know myself and what thoughts and feelings I've had and which I've not had on the matter.

ok so first off, I have literally not ever ever even once encouraged anyone to pursue a single elective surgery & have very consistently done the opposite. just because I feel chill about my surgery personally does not mean that I support that industry, actually. in fact, if i knew everything i know about that industry now, I would not get the surgery... but that's a matter of choosing to boycott the industry, not a matter of how i feel personally about my individual experience. how I feel has literally nothing to do with my opinions/beliefs/values. I dont choose how I feel, but I fully choose my moral code.

in fact, my honesty about my story is not supporting that industry in a single way - it simply is not lying. people like you would have me lie to further a narrative rather than be genuine and candid, which puts us on the level with TRAs since that is precisely what they do. it comes down to this: you are asking me to either be silent about (lie by omission) or knowingly misrepresent (outright lie) my experiences because you lack the capacity for nuance to fit them into your narrative without harming the integrity of said narrative. But I don't under any circumstances do that, regardless of whether or not I agree with said narrative (and in this case, I very much do agree). If you cannot work the nuances of my lived experiences into your narrative about gender ideology and transition without it threatening the narrative that's on you; it's entirely possible to do. I'm not going to lie or censor myself just because you're limited in that way.

to be clear, my theory about neurological sex dysphoria is not "implausible;" it is also not something I'm insisting definitely is correct, or I would not call it a theory. And do you even have the qualifications to rule it such, knowing that I am a published neuro/neuropsych researcher (though now retired from that field because I recently found my truest passion)? However, it is not based on absolutely nothing. This answer is already waaay too long, bad habit of mine, but my #ntsd tag includes some posts that elaborate on this. The only thing I am going to specifically say on this matter is that having a processing disconnect (which has literally been visialized on fMRI) that caused my breasts to physically feel like a prosthetic attachment... is not "coincidentally mapping precisely onto misogynistic and homophobic ideas of the female body." This assertion doesn't even make sense in the context of everything I've said previously. I have never believed in the "body mapping" theory of dysphoria that you clearly are referring to by "mapping... onto the female body."

Additionally, I am not sure how you see logic in making this claim when misogynistic ideas of the female body are not known for being devoid of breasts. As I've said in practically every single post on this topic that I've made, I never went through a period of actually wanting to reject womanhood, be perceived socially as not-a-woman, or believing that womanhood and femininity were synonymous. That simply was not my motivation, and as I've said before, pain from chronic cysts was a large part of my decision. Lots of women on here have spoken about how they never went through those period either, yet I'm the only one I've seen get shit for it & get accused of thinking I'm better than other women for it. I never claimed or remotely implied that, and it has never in my life so much as occurred to me as even a hypothetical concept to feel superior about something like that. The only difference between me and most of the women on here who never went through those periods is that I had an elective mastectomy - but I did so while still entirely secure and at peace in my womanhood. Whether you find my truthful experience to be inconvenient or hurtful is entirely on you, not my responsibility to bury my own feelings and my own story for your comfort.

My lack of regret is not remotely "dependent on defending my decision." This is another statement that you would never make in a million years if you'd ever had one single irl conversation with me. I have no hesitation about admitting when I'm wrong. I do it /all/ the time. I don't have a pride issue, so "defending my decisions" is not something that matters to me. Again, you are projecting and you are assigning qualities to me without even the most basic knowledge of me as a person. I have not to date had a single human being on here miss quite this hard in an attempt to come at me. There's a lot about me, like anyone, that's ripe for completely justifiable criticism, and you've somehow managed to select some of the least applicable few assertions about me that you could find. Fact of the matter is I'm not prone to regret in the first place, and even factoring the dysphoria thing out of the conversation entirely, I genuinely like not having the inconvenience of large breasts and not having the pain of constant cysts, which i would still have if I'd gotten a reduction rather than mastectomy.

furthermore, you are making wildly unfounded claims. "lack of self awareness" lmfao this is pure gold. the people that hate me most in the entire world would laugh out loud if you tried to say that about me in front of them. I have plenty of flaws, plenty of areas I need to improve, but self-awareness is not one of those, not something I have ever in my entire life before this ask had a single soul give me constructive feedback about. so thanks for the novel experience, ig 🤷

I literally do not have a single one of the mental health issues you're claiming I do, nor do I have any unhealed trauma at all (and have not in a long time), as I've spoken about in-depth more than once, especially since my first ever Neuropsych research publication was on PTSD and I previously worked as a trauma therapist for patients with comorbid substance use disorders. I have a number of genetic physical health conditions, but my mental health is honestly excellent. Not to say I've just been totally cheerful my entire life, but at this point in my life, I have been healed long enough that it's almost surreal to look back on a time when I wasn't, and I am deeply happy with my career, my marriage, my relationships with my family and friends, my home and my pets, my hobbies... all of it. And I'm incredibly excited for the plans my wife and I have for our future.

The body dysmorphia claim is especially funny to me because one literally cannot possibly be any more neutral and at ease in their relationship with their body than this. I have said it several times on here, but I place as much value on my appearance now as I did when I was 4. Pretty much the only time I consider my appearance at all is to make sure I look professional and sharp for something like a business meeting. I talk about true body neutrality being attainable fairly often specifically because I've experienced it firsthand, so I know it can be done. I have a strict rule against speaking on shit I don't actually know.

but if you think that by reading my tumblr blog, you know my mind better than I do and better than medical professionals, that's just blatantly delusional and peak chronically online behavior. ESPECIALLY as someone who does not know me in any capacity. the audacity to make claims about not only me but also my WIFE, who you know nearly nothing about and does not even use this site.... it's genuinely mind-boggling for you to be running your mouth about some "lack of self awareness" shit given the content and tone of this ask.

same thing with you deciding you are able to speak for "every woman who feels violated by what happened to them." that is lack of self awareness and it is projection. your assertion that I read those women's painful stories of woman-hating trauma before having my surgery "to convince myself that I was a uniquely informed and more authentic candidate" is SUCH bullshit even you have to know you're lying. that comment is so bad faith it's a bit impressive, but mostly just disgusting on your part. I read detrans stories freely shared by both sexes on public platforms, with the specific intention of canceling my planned surgery the second I encountered one single thing I might have in common with those stories in terms of motivation to get the surgery. There is such a massive difference between trying to learn from others' mistakes and using others' trauma to validate your choices. You are lying if you try to act like I wasn't very clear about which one I did. I waited 5 or 6 years from when I learned that this surgery was even a thing to move forward. I waited until my prefrontal cortex was "done cooking" as the internet likes to say. I pursued multiple other treatment options, not one of which was "gender affirming" bc I did not buy into gender ideology back then, either. And I educated myself on the experiences of those who regretted it with the purpose of minimizing my risk of regret by NOT moving forward if I found that I related to any of the motivations that led them to pursue surgery and ultimately regret it. I was not blindly stubbornly committed to surgery; I was always very much open to canceling if it felt right. Yes, having chosen that process of literally informing myself DID make me uniquely informed... that doesn't mean i'm better than anyone else, though. it's just the reality of putting a half decade of work and analysis and thought into a decision that absolutely nobody pressured me into, compared to the pretty common experience of being misled by trans ideology and/or rushing into this surgery. I am very much aware that I'm not special or superior just because I am flat out lucky enough to have not had anyone trying to manipulate, mislead, rush, or pressure me to get surgery, and insanely lucky to have not had pain or complications from it. And yes, despite my unconventional path to surgery, I also know I am very lucky to not regret it. All the more reasons I don't promote it.

you have constructed an image of me, my wife, and my daily life in your mind based on reading my blog and absolutely nothing more than that. even if you are engaging negatively with that image, criticizing it/me, etc., this is a parasocial engagement by definition.

The above is exactly what you have done. Parasocial interactions don't have to be positive. You are deluding yourself if you truly, genuinely believe you have the remotest understanding of who I am or how I live.

out of curiosity, did you intentionally fail to mention that I had medical reasons for my mastectomy in addition to dysphoria? or did you just conveniently forget about that despite how frequently I've talked about it?

as an afterthought: the implication that unlike you, I don't have a job is fucking golden given that you've clearly been reading a LOT of my posts and I don't believe for one second that you simply missed all the posts where I've talked about the fact that we bought our own home at 24, the fact that my wife and I own our own business, and the extra shit I do just because. but if you like, we can compare our records of how much time per day and week spent on social media 💀

thank you for this ❤️❤️❤️

[omegawolverine]

Sorry for the yapping in your inbox but I’m not even sad about the ending being spoiled I’m just pissed that that was what they went with. It just feels….lazy? I don’t know. I remember when I first joined the fandom there was a post speculating about the ending just being Five back in the apocalypse, and I honestly think that would’ve been cooler than just killing them all off. Idk

no it felt especially lazy bc it wasnt even emotional in the slighest...like i watched that shit with a straight face it was so fuckn boring

and it rly sucks bc even if that is a typical ending for time travel related shows it COULDVE BEEN GOOD. they couldve done something with it that felt meaningful if they tried hard enough but they just didnt. the last 2 episodes were a fuckton of nothing happening, the majority of the season was just the umbrellas (plus ben lila and jennifer) split up and doing their own things which, in klaus' case, wasnt even plot relevant (although i did enjoy the scenes it just felt so. whatever. like you did this to do another rerun of the "klaus is a mess and needs to be taken care of by allison" show which isnt even historically accurate, but theyre really trying to convince us allison is his day 1 in this season for some reason) and its just. you cannot have 3-4 subplots within 6 episodes and expect them to be fleshed out. idk why the number of episodes was cut down so drastically but it SERIOUSLY affected the pacing and made everything that wasnt plot relevant feel so annoying bc instead of it feeling like fun, get to know the characters time, it felt like youre wasting precious time that is needed for this plot to fucking work.

like idk im just annoyed. i literally avoided this show like the plague when it first dropped bc i have a weird aversion to gerard way (dont ask. or do. its not actually that serious) but i got bored one day and tried it out and ive been in love with the show and specifically klaus as a character since bc i see soooo much of myself in him and to see it all wasted on that ending is just. blegh.

dont apologize for yapping in my inbox tho bc clearly i need to yap about this too lololol

[most-annoying-sponsorship]

Submitted propaganda under the cut

Wren - 1

fuckin okay i get Save The Planet is noble or whatever but do you understand i'm MAYBE tired of being told to change Everything abt how I live when everything i could ever do is a drop in the ocean compared to corporations and i dont want to micromanage my entire life for the sake of the planet and its ALWAYS the leftist youtubers shilling it as The Best Most Selfless Thing you can do. like. dude. i am tired. i dont get paid enough to have the energy to care.

RAID shadow legends - 22

I caved and downloaded the app, played three levels and holy shit it’s so boring

I don't think I need to explain myself here.

Every Youtuber has been sponsored by them at some point and they are infuriating

It’s everywhere and it’s a shitty game that feels like the kind of low quality shit you’d see in a mobile add, because that’s exactly what it is

I have not seen a single sponsorship that makes this game sound like anything but a waste of time. Plus, their sponsorships are always sooooo long lol. At least a full minute, sometimes two.

the sponsorships and ads are everywhere yet ive never actually seen anyone outside of the ads enjoying it or even talking about it

They say the exact same thing every time so much that it's become a memorized phrase used as a meme

the art is mid, but not only that, but none of the characteers were designed by someone truly unhinged and horny. giving out that many free summons just makes them look like a scam, like those scammy crap gacha games with promo codes that have one digit repeated (example: 1111, 777, 888, and so on). there's nothing you can do there that other games haven't done better, and there's no overlying premise that draws in fans of stories (talk all the crap you like about food fantasy, at least the lore was fucking WILD). raid shadow legends is like fruit gushers in that it's massively mediocre and wildly overhyped. sure, you *COULD* inflict it upon yourself without hurting too badly, but why would you want to?

You KNOW why

Infamous

gaming.

Annoying, constant, bs, dumb, pay to play, badgering, I hate them. My friend ended up spending over a hundred dollars on this game bc their advertising occasionally works, and when it does, that's not great!

You KNOW WHY.

They don't pay the fucking people they ask to talk about them half the time. Also the game is ugly.

scammy as hell wtf is that game

Do I even need to explain? It's not a helpful product, it's just a dumb mobile game no one needs in their lives.

It’s bad

Everyone’s heard of it. Nobody likes it.

[rockerfemme]

girl i... i dont wanna step over the line, like im just a stranger on the internet and i dont know him, but it doesnt seem like hes actually worried, it seems like he wants you to think that hes worried so he can manipulate you into not doing what he doesnt want you to do. dont go there for your safety, even though you werent in danger. those ppl will have bad influence on you, even though youre an adult and you know for yourself not to do some stupid shit. its not like youre some easily impressionable teenager anymore. it looks like he would try to separate you from your friends too in the long run. this plus the boundary crossing he did earlier that you wrote about... idk he seems toxic as hell girl, my fucking fight or flight activated just reading that. and im sure that hes gonna make you feel like youre blowing things out of proportion and overreacting and hes just worried for your safety, but if it walks, talks and acts like an abusive guy...

i told him almost exactly that: i haven’t done anything wrong right now, you’re just psyching yourself out because you think i might. you don’t trust me to handle myself and refuse any hypothetical drugs i might ever be offered. but then he pulls out the whole “i trust you, but i don’t trust everyone else, what if someone sneakily drugs you, what if someone starts a fight and you get beaten, what if what if what if”

which like that’s the same line of reasoning my parents used to keep me basically on a leash until i was 18, and it’s not fair because ANYTHING theoretically could happen. i can’t promise him that nothing bad will happen to me so there’s no way to defend myself against that argument, and i hate it.

i want to be super fair to him and represent his perspective bc i’m looking for help, not just validation: the boundary crossing stuff? ceased completely after i spoke to him about it. he really is committed to me and working with me to smooth things over about this.

i called him controlling, he emphasized that he completely supports all the other friends i hang out with and his problem isn’t with me going to do stuff on my own, it’s just the punk scene he hates. i understand the weird drunk guys and the people using whippets freaked him out but it’s like he’s written off the whole scene after 30mins of being at one party.

edit: he said one more thing this morning i really have an issue with: if you’ve seen my posts about my intimacy issues, he brought that into it -_____- he said he didn’t understand how i could trust a bunch of drunk strangers enough to go into the cramped little basement and dance with them yet he had spent months earning my trust and i …. don’t want to fuck him very often (?!??!!?) i told him those are two completely different things but somehow he disagreed!!! and thinks i “gave up my trust too easily”!!! he’s making it all about himself. my issues in that regard are 0% related to him or how much i trust him

[madisonrooney]

i often think about how httyd is my cursed fandom

of all my main fandoms, ive had a lot of special experiences with most of them, getting to go to fan events and meeting cast and crew members

with httyd, its not just that i havent gotten those experiences, its that i almost have and just barely missed them

examples: - i was out of town the day the second movie came out. this was back when i saw EVERYTHING the day it came out so to miss something that big was devastating. and it was for a family trip i had no control over (which is rare for me since i have a very small extended family) - i was in nyc about a month after the third movie came out and wanted to see the fao schwarz window display. when i went to the store i asked where it was and they said they took it down THE DAY BEFORE - i have friends that camp out for red carpet premieres and it didnt even cross my mind to camp out for the httyd3 premiere and i was so mad at myself when that occurred to me the day of the premiere. it was raining that day tho and i get sensory overload in the rain so maybe it was for the best. plus that couldve effected the set up for the fans by the red carpet - a gallery i often go to had a panel and signing for the third movie but it was on a day i already had plans. i couldve done what i was doing on a different day but id already bought non refundable tix. i dont entirely blame myself tho bc this gallery often announces events really last minute. - toothless was doing meet and greets outside of universal around when the third movie came out so you didnt even need a ticket to the park to meet him and i tried to see him but he wasnt there. if nothing else i got a pic in front of the backdrop they had and got to splurge on all the new merch in citywalk - this wasnt too close to happening but dean deblois did a signing at the nbc store in nyc about a month before i was gonna be there. i was just upset bc i totally know that store and i feel like signings like that dont happen often? - the big one is that ive missed seeing the first movie on the big screen again on FOUR DIFFERENT OCCASIONS. i saw it the day it came out during the initial release but didnt get obsessed with it until 2013 so i was dying to see it on the big screen again. there was a double feature for the second one but that was when i was out of town. my best friend and i tried to go to a free showing at a local independent theater later that summer but when we showed up they said it was full (admittedly that was the same day my liv and maddie hyperfixation was officially born so maybe had i made it in that wouldnt have happened the same, who knows). i had tix to see a re-release in 2019 and showed up to the theater only for them to be showing trolls and they said they CHANGED THE SCHEDULE EVEN AFTER I PURCHASED MY TICKET? and then they re-released it again during quarantine when hardly any new movies were coming out but i wasnt comfortable going out at that time.

i have gotten a couple cool experiences tho. i went to dreamworks animation in concert at the hollywood bowl about a month after the second movie came out which was like the height of my fandom and my videos of forbidden friendship and toothless found/two new alphas are some of the most viewed videos of that on youtube. i met bonnie arnold at a women in animation and got a pic with her + her autograph. i went to the dreamworks store in london where i got a lot of cool exclusive merch and got to hear the hiccup and astrid dialogue recorded especially for the store (even tho it wasnt jay and america lol). and i went to an outdoor screening in a park last summer.

obvs its too late for any kinda fan events to really happen but i still hope i can meet dean some day and see the damn first movie on the big screen again

[whatsnothappening]

stopped my last entry bc i didnt really have much to say but heres whats up PT.2

So i thought id send him a text. "happy new years dad, i love you and miss you. i hope you have a good night" ... nothing. i dont get a single text. normally he either calls right after and makes sure that i am okay and that i am having fun. just nothing. i text my mom and she is all smiles and having fun. a few days go by after new years. i dont know if it was someone in the group or someone at the bar but we all ended up with covid. i also, was just dealing with shit mentally. i dont know if it was because of the new year and i felt like i had to have my life figured out and have this drawn out plan or maybe it was the weird shit with my dad. i have no clue. but i was mentally fucked. my dad sends me a weird text just saying that he hasnt heard from me (yes you have) and that i seemed weird on christmas (well duh) i text back explaining that i have had a rough time mentally recently and that i am sick....nothing..again. i am livid at this point. all of the times that i have supported him and made sure to hype him up and have deep conversations with him and talk about our future and our goals just as humans and how to be better. just fueled me up more. i was done. so done. then fastforward again, i am finally feeling good enough to go back to work. i was pretty much sick for all of januarary. plus me and my friend were going to the gym and i was just riding a high. well i am at work a nice pretty busy day, i have a quite a few requests. well in comes my step mom. she asks for the keys to my car? she says she just has goodies for me and wants to leave them in there and to try them on and let her know if i like them or not. i thought it was EXTREMELY random, but fuck ill take free clothes lol. she asks me how ive been i say good and apologize for not being around and explains that i was very sick and that this round of covid royally kicked my ass. well she goes on home and tells my father who i guess gets pissed that i did tell him i was sick and writes me a shit ass text about how i dont reach out to him. well it goes both ways bud. you have no issue texting my husband about golf? whatever. anywhoooo.. hes come around and has started reaching out again. and we have been texting. well i would love to spend time with him and all of us have a family day but my ass is sick yet again. so i dont know. i am just so happy that he is reaching out again. she wanted me to have a conversation with him about the drinking but i truly dont feel that i need too... mainly because i have seen the signs that i need to look out for when he is going through it. i havent seen any of those. i lived with that my hole child hood i can notice this shit with only spending 5 minutes with him. and she does tend to be a bit dramatic. seriously... so i am going to take it with a grain of salt and just make sure that he is happy and catch up with him and make plans to spend time together. it just really is important to me. i hate the saying. but i am 100% a daddys girl. i love my dad so much. so anytime i get to spend with him is so important and so fun. i think thats one reason why christmas was so miserable for me because literaly any time with my father is an amazing time. its always so fun and so positive. i mean he is just such a positive fun guy. so me being so miserable and feeling uncomfortable and not being able to spend time with him. that fucking sucked. but hey one of my resolutions this year was to start thinking postively and stop dwelling on the negative shit. its hard to keep up with that but im getting better at it. but ontop of that, im really proud of myself because i have started going back to the gym! i missed a couple of weeks due to being sick. but i am still motivated to go! one thing i want to work on is discipline more than motivation. you can have all the motivation in the world to do something and still not succeed at it. you need to have the discipline to really give it your all and be consistent. and discipline is one thing i 100% lack. but ill get there. today is wednesday. continued-

[tibetanpopstars]

Trying not to get all pseudomanic or whatever you want to call it.. pray it doesn't happen

[heartyearning]

lover of keeping tabs open with titles of books and/or authors because otherwise i will forget to write them down, then closing those tabs 7-10 business days later having neither bought the book nor written down the title. this is my design.

[floralbfs]

sent my sister an article on a*t's antisemitism and she deadass told me "hey im not gonna be able to finish reading that article you sent me because it contains spoilers" BITCH?????????

[maijobi]

a thin line

dabi x reader

summary: dabi always seemed to work against your plans so you decided to confront him not knowing what he’d actually after the argument..

a/n: this is make-up for my last fic cuz i was most definitely not proud of that one shxjsjch.. anyways hope you enjoy this one bc I think I actually like the outcome even though it was a bit stressful to come up with the idea.

also,, the ending is an idea I found off of instagram and I was excited to use it here

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“why don’t we just infiltrate friday at the ball?”, dabi asked shigaraki as he was looking at the plan in front of him.

“because that’d be too much of a risk”, you said, glaring at him and pointing out the obvious.

“a little bit of risks couldn’t hurt you once in a while” dabi snapped at you with a grin.

“alright sir know it all, just about how do you think to get past all the people and guards that’ll literally be standing in front of every door?”, you asked raising one eyebrow. 

“we’ll figure out a way”, he said.

“you don’t even know how you’ll do it, so I say let’s not go for the uncertain. I say we do it during the auction. the guards will be located around the auction area and not the main hall that leads to the big office, where we need to be. if we can get someone to hack the system, getting in will be a piece of cake. I figured out this’ll have a 99% of success based on the analytics we have made till now”, you said confidently. “plus I think I can do the actual infiltration so I can take that job on me. after all i’m the only one that’ll actually get the job done uncaught. “

“sounds too boring. where is the killing? where is the fun?”, dabi said with a bored face. 

“no killing is needed unless someone gets in our way. not everyone needs to actually die in order for us to get to the point we want dabi”, you said irritated at his constant counteraction. 

“alright let’s just take a break for now”, shigaraki said. “for now let’s figure out a detailed plan for both and we’ll choose the one that’ll work out best.”

“but-”, you said.

“if it means you’ll both stop bickering out of hate for once around me I wanna put a pause on this for now. we’ll talk about it tomorrow”, shigaraki said.

“hate? oh no I love her so much”, he teasingly said, making you roll your eyes.

“such a thin line between your love and hate. I give you guys till tomorrow to work your plan out better”, shigaraki said while sighing and taking his leave.

“ugh, this is all your fault”, you said to dabi wile turning away from him and walking to the door after shigaraki was completely out of sight.

“hold on, hold on”, he said confused as he stopped you by turning you around from your shoulder. “how is this suddenly my fault?”

“suggesting plans that dont even make sense?”, you said.

“shigaraki asked us to give him ideas and I did? I don’t see the issue here”, he said not giving in.

“you’re just suggesting your plan because you don’t want mine to work out. it’s literally so obvious, I don’t get why you’re always up in my business and trying to make my plans look bad in front of shigaraki”, you spat, actually getting pissed at him.

“because if your plan gets chosen it’ll put you in danger most”, he suddenly said. you felt taken aback.

“why do you care so much about my so called well being when in reality you don’t even like me?”, you asked. 

“who said I didn’t like you? you just decided that on your own because you didn’t like the idea of me joining your little gang”, he said.

“thats not true”, you said.

“then why is it that you assumed i’d hate you the same way you hate me”, he asked looking at you with his lips pressed against each other and his eyebrows raised.

“you always work against me?”, you said pointing the obvious.

“you might be right there”, he said,”but I have my reasons.”

“these reasons being my so called well being?”, you asked uninterested.

“yes.”

the determination in his voice made you silent for a second. you were slightly shocked at how pure and genuine his words felt. you weren’t sure how to answer on that. but even the slight shyness you felt because of his concern, was overpowered by your anger.

“very nice of you, but I didn’t ask you to care for me. i’m capable of taking care of myself. look out for yourself next time and don’t interrupt my ideas for the sake of your selfish desires. we’re adults, so act like it”, you said walking away for real this time.

“so my sincere words mean literally nothing to you?”, he asked in a slightly angry tone while following you to the common room.

“why are you following me?”, you asked, getting annoyed at his pushy behaviour. 

“cuz i’m trying to get a point across here. it’d be nice if you considered other’s feelings here once in a while”, he said.

you stopped when you were in the center of the room. you were facing him with your back, but turned around with a very annoyed and angry face. “let’s get one thing straight”, you said taking a step closer to him”, no one is here to actually create a family bond. we’re here to interfere and shake up the hero world that failed to be actual heroes to us. I do what’s best for me, but has an actual good outcome for the others too. so don’t go around telling me to consider other’s feelings when all you do is care for your own selfish desires”, you bitterly said. “just when I thought you might have actually cared, you showed just how selfish you are. just when i thought you might not be that bad of a person”, you said rather disappointed instead of angry.

when he spoke no word you decided to take your leave again, walking past him. but before you could actually get to the door you heard his footsteps and before you knew it he was holding your wrist and stopping you from walking even an inch further.

“why won’t you just leave me alone”, you frustratingly said.

he turned you around and pulled you close to him. he bent over you and was almost touching his forehead with yours. “you know why”, he whispered. “because of this.”

he crashed his lips against yours and there was absolutely nothing soft about it. it was rough and messy, yet passionate. it made you feel hot inside, not the fuzzy and warm type of hot, but a burning sensation you felt all over your body. it was as if he was lighting you on fire. 

but it felt good.

so good, that you forgot about why you were even mad, but the furiousness lingered and made the tension even bigger. you let him devour every piece of you and you didn’t care about the bite marks he’d leave on your lips. lips moving open mouthed and tongues dancing together. you were feeling almost every part of him and he’d groan in between, sending shivers down your spine.

when the both of you parted he looked in your eyes, as if he was staring through your soul. you were searching his face, waiting for a sign that he’d speak.

but instead he kissed you again. but this time softer, warmer. the one that made you feel fuzzy and warm inside. something you never knew he was capable of doing. he was still holding your wrist with one hand and the other made its way to your back. he pulled you closer, slowly and softly. he’d kiss you ever so gently that it felt like he had become a totally different person than only a few seconds ago. but you were not complaining at all. 

he slowly parted away from you and when you looked at him you saw his red cheeks and closed eyes. and when he slowly opened them you could see a version of dabi which you’d never seen before. that soft look no one had ever seen, all the hatred and anger you were feeling a few minutes ago all gone, overshadowed by the soft look he was giving.

“I thought you hated me”, he teased, caressing your cheeks while giving you a soft smile.

“things change...”, you muttered.

“you’re cute when you don’t want to admit things aloud, you know. Go on, just say that you like me”, he said while stopping his movements on your cheeks and making sure you were looking at him and only him.

you should have seen it coming. him making you feel this way. you always said your personalities clashed, but they clashed so much, that you actually overlooked just how fitting they actually were. the polar opposites, yet the same. you weren’t completely sure how to describe it, but it was something you had never experienced before. it could be a challenge coming up your way, but you figured it was something worth battling for. 

because after all, there was only a thin line between the hate and love you felt for each other.

[jackassbroadcast]

Hello im a Tommy enthusiast who watched that one stream where he monologued to foolish for like hafe an hour bc i heard it was a cool stream or wtv to realize how much amazing character moments it had that barly anyone in this damn fandom is talking about so ill fucking do it

(Only after finishing this i realized i wrote 1.7k words LOL OOPS)

If u dont know what in talking about its this stream (apologies for linking a clips channel the actual vod on foolish's channel is deleted by now)

Also heads up /rp /dsmp every time i refer to someone here by name is their character unless stated otherwise bc writing c! Before every name Is tiring LOL

Also // suicidal idealization , death mentions

The conversation starts off with foolish and tommy mining for Wilbur, and foolish questions how simply mining will solve the problem to which Tommy reponds with "they dont get solved, do they? It just ends uo with some madman screaming 'Hes solved it!' And now look at him." And how he wants to "prevent the problem before it goes outta hand" something that clearly references Wilbur and his destruction of lmanburg, which paired with him collecting stone for Wilbur as the way to stop said problems he believes if he does anything he can for Wilbur and support him by his side enough this time around, that he wont do anything like thay again, which as im writing this makes be realize by doing that we learn hes blaming himself for what happened to Wilbur in November 16th and pogtopia and a whole, by not being enough for Wilbur in his mind.

The conversation continues, foolish off hand asks why would tommy want to stop Wilbur? Weren't they friends at some point? To which tommy leads foolish to lmanburg and tells him the story of the nation (how it was him and Wilbur's nation, how they made it to espace dream's iron fist and how they held an election "which puts your life on the line, which is good- if you're confident but- perhaps we were too confident", how they lost)

Tommy: "You know the phrase: 'treat other how you wanna be treated', foolish? People dont ever listen to it. Wilbur- he decided he wanted to be treated poorly so he treated everyone around him poorly "

This Tommy quote, to me at least, so so amazingly strong in conveying how understanding he is? To the world around him. Like-

I have not seen one person bring this quote up, and yet its (at least to me) shows such growth and understanding in Tommy i saw little to nothing like it in other streams. It shows he understands, he knew Wilbur didnt change just because, he knows he was struggling, that he thought everyone around him were againt him, were going to abandon him the first chance theyll get- and he thought he deserved it. So he, as a last way to defend himself against that, hurt them first, abandoned them first, so theyll see how much of a 'bad' person he was and take him out- and tommy saw right through that, possibly understanding it more after exile.

This next qoute was talked about much more but i still wanna bring it up

Foolish: "Do you believe in second chances?"

Tommy: "Oh, no I don't really believe that its not really a thing for me foolish its just that-" *sigh* "- i believe everyone has a little bit of good in then and this is not about giving him a second chance or a third chance- its not about *chances* foolish. Its about not giving up on the poeple you care about. "

Which. I mean. I dont know how healthy that mindset is, but comign from Tommy it makes so much sense.

Techno, tubbo, eret, sapnap. These are all people Tommy used to be extremely close to, had either a war or had been betrayed by them, and yet still found it in his heart that he still cares for them, with all of these, they did horrendous things, that hurt tommy physically and mentally, while also not being once or twice, but a contentious thing, but while tommy is to this day still effected by their actions he still found it in himself to forgive, because he knows he fucked up too, a lot, and he knoes they learned from their mistakes just as he had (except c!techno FUCKKK c!techno mf doesnt learn SHITTT) and he knows, when the time comes he knows hed want the people he hurt to forgive him too. (And he wants Wilbur to do the same)

Next qoute i will cut to a couple parts because its really so good and full of character i had to bro

Foolish: "Do you consider yourself to be the good guy or the bad guy?"

Tommy: "It really depends who you ask, isn't it? Yknow? If you asked dream he'd say im *his little toy that he plays with* you know? It doesnt.."

This part really stunned me when i first heard it because, and correct me If im wrong, but i dont think tommy ever acknowledged how dream sees him, and  how right he has his viewpoint too. Just the fact tommy is so *painfully* aware of how dream doesnt even see him as a person anymore but just a toy to mess around with for a while than just throw it away when it get too boring really hurt me. Someone give this kid a hug

(Continued) Tommy: "...foolish, honestly? I used to consider myself 'the good guy', you know? The fuckin'- second in command! But these past- these past like six months or so, foolish, everything got so much harder than it was before. Because before it was just us vs bad guys, it was all so clear! But- its not been 'clear' for so long, right? It wasn't; 'these are the bad guys! These are the good guys!' Now it's : 'he's doing this and it makes him a bit worse-' i mean, it all got so complicated, so- i don't know. Depends who you ask."

He says this, in response to foolish asking if hes a good guy- but its awfully similar to if Wilbur asked him if they were the bad guys. Because foolish just asked about him, and yet in his answer tommy made sure to keep using the words "us, he's, guys" as if hes not really talking about himself, as if hes explaining how Wilbur was wrong. Which he was. Also something interesting ive noticed, he says "the last 6 months or so", which indicated that with Wilbur he knew better to follow his word and leadership- with Wilbur he was always on the right side but when he lost him he felt much more lost alone, and couldn't trust himself enough to be on the "right side" .

Foolish: "I dont know, it all seems strange because just from, you know- hearing from others and, you know, learing a little bit, its seems like you've been the hero, you've been the villain, the conqueror, the savior, and, even now, i have no idea what you exactly are."

Tommy: "that's up to you to decide, isn't it? Im just- *uh*  i dont know. These days, foolish, I'm a little weaker than i used to be"

Foolish couldn't be more right with what he said, another example of this we see where a character acknowledges tommy never sticks to one thing us Charlie when calling him "tommy fron nowhere" which shows more how he cant stick to one thing, during the course of him on the server he had been friends and enemy with nearly everyone, been on pretty much all sides, and while never really intentionally, being in the center of conflict. When foolish says he doesnt know who tommy is anymroe at this point and all Tommy says in return is that "hes a little weaker than he used to be" does to show he misses who he used to be, with lmanburg, with Wilbur, when he knew who he was, now he doesn't know who he is anymore, but still so desperately want to be more demonstrated by the lines coming rigth after that one:

(Continued) Tommy: "..I'm not- I'm now who i want to be, but-"

Foolish: "Being honest with you, Tommy, that's the same case for me as well."

Tommy: "...heres the thing, foolish, unlike you i dont really have a choice. I have to try and be who i want to be, because if i dont, very bad things are gonna happen in this server. And now that Wilbur's back i can't- quite frankly *no one* can risk that. So i dont really have a choice."

Tommy want's to change- he wants to be better than he is now, to be closer to who he used to be, no matter how impossible that might be, but he also sees it as an immediate thing, he wants to change now, or asap, which is why hes collecting stone for Wilbur in the first place- old him would've done that with ease just because Wilbur asked and he wants to have that back so badly, asap. The way he talked about this reminded me of when he tried getting over his trauma stream before he went in the prison to kill dream: he knew he wasnt the best but he tried getting over that asap to go kill dream asap. He didnt wanna take the long road of years of healing and instead thought he could get over it just like that, and that experience clearly didnt teach him anything because now hes trying to slide back to the relationship he and Wilbur used to have and ignoring the drastic changes they both had plus the bad moments that were the reason they feel out in the first place, or maybe he knows, but at this point, after everything that happened to him and the server, he doesnt care anymore? He knows hes not the same he was and he'll never be the same, because thats not how it works, but his mentor, president, big brother is back after so long tommy felt so lost and alone he thinks maybe, this time around, with Wilbur, he could try and be better again.

[sodrippy]

Could you tell us more about why you hate auteur theory? (I don't really like it either, but I also don't know a lot of 'film nerds' and I'm curious about your thoughts)

hi id love to!

(if anyones not familiar, auteur theory is a film theory from the 50s/60s that posits the director as the central creative force behind a film)

i think i hate it a little less in its original form, where the director often was actually taking on other roles, most prominently as a writer, but even personally editing or shooting their film in some cases, because then they really DO have more creative control overall. plus it was in part a reaction to the commercialisation of film in the west, so in terms of putting creative control back in the hands of the actual creatives behind a film rather than bending to what studios think will make them money, i can get behind auteur theory.

over time though, the term has become so watered down that now it just means the director is god and everyone else is a thoughtless little cog in their machine, which is so disrespectful and so ANNOYING. like, you cannot call the director on some billion dollar movie an auteur bc they dont really do jack fucking shit actually. id say lots of smaller films can still fit into this theory, where an independent director is the one whos come up with the story concept themselves and helped to write the screenplay, and is heavily involved in the editing process and so on, but the bigger a project gets (in my experience) the less true 'control' the director has.

personally, the way i view it is, if the director didn't come up with the story or didn't co-write the screenplay, then they are nothing to me they are just some guy they're not the driving creative force.

as someone who's involved in film myself, the main reason that i hate auteur theory is that its really just so disrespectful to film crews (on set and post) and moreover disrespectful and dismissive of filmmaking as an art form. film is inherently a collaborative art, and even if some people argue 'yeah but the director is the one telling everyone what to do and how to do it' thats such a simplistic take on it. some directors are very specific about what they want, yes, of course, but a lot of times a director will give a brief on what they want, and the relevant department will create the specifics, or they'll say 'right we can do that, but this might be much better' or whatever. filmmaking is a very fluid process as well, and things change all the time, and i think if you think that the director is in charge of it all youre very unfamiliar with how it works. it makes me really cranky when i see people talk about when things go wrong or look bad in films and they immediately blame the dop or (so so SO common) the post production departments, as if its a huge failure on their part. like ok if directors are kings, why dont you blame them for the bad shit too? or do you only think theyre in control when magic happens?

lastly, because i am running late for work now, the whole auteur aura tbh just makes excuses for sloppy work. i just worked on a project with a notoriously Auteur style director, and from what i heard about how he works, being on set is fucking hell. oftentimes when you trust in a director's 'creative vision' you sacrifice discipline and scheduling and lots of other organization that is so crucial to getting a job done on time and with high quality results, bc youre basically just working at the whim of one guy who's more concerned about realizing a singular vision than they are with the practicalities of making a film.

[angstyaches]

for the halloween drabbles thing, idk which characters you were thinking of but elliot and felix are my absolute faves, so maybe felix persuading elliot to go do some halloween stuff with him, they get a lot of candy, elliot cant really eat it bc of his extra vampire-ness but doesnt want to disappoint felix so eats some and gets sick? or something like that lol.

p.s. dont be disheartened, i cant like your posts bc non-kink blog but i periodically check your blog for new stories and i love them all!

Okay, I could absolutely see this happening as soon as I read the prompt, and I wish I'd given myself more time to properly work on it. He'd eat because Felix had gone to the effort of preparing everything, plus he'd been conscious of the fact that someone might notice him not eating.

The last few weeks have been a bit draining, and I thought I could bang something out, but all I've got is a snippet of the aftermath of this scenario. I just wanted to get something out before Halloween ended in the US, where I know most of you guys probably are.

Happy Halloween! Hopefully I'll be in a better head space to write requests soon.

Word Count: 443

CW: food intolerance/ingested food indigestible by species, stomach pains, vomit, slight emetophilia mention.

___

“What were you thinking?” Felix sighed, stooping down somewhere just beyond Elliott’s peripheral vision. His voice sounded like it was coming from behind a wall, and not directly beside him.

The only reply Elliott could give was a deep, guttural retch that could probably have been heard from inside the house. His eyes rolled back slightly as he leaned over the edge of Nancy’s flower bed and waited for something to come up, but his throat just constricted around nothing, like it was being squeezed by a fist.

Felix’s hand came to rest on Elliott’s back, gentle and tentative, like a whisper. Elliott shivered at the touch, though part of him was grateful for the attempted comfort. His own hands were braced against his knees as he squatted, almost curling up in a ball under the force of the pain that was ripping through his belly. It was a wonder he'd managed to run away from the party and make it to the back garden at all. For some reason, he hadn't thought of running to a toilet, even though that would have been closer.

The garden just felt more private.

“Everyone else was… eating,” he grunted, squeezing his eyes shut and huffing deeply through his mouth to try to ride out the ache. He swayed a bit, almost losing his balance as he teetered on the balls of his feet.

Felix blew softly through his lips. “If everyone had been swearing allegiance to a pair of sweaty socks, would you have done that, too?”

“Fuck –” Elliott lurched forward, a mouthful of his stomach contents sloshing loudly from his stomach to his throat, gurgling as it splashed out into the flowerbed.

Chest burning, Elliott just about heard Felix muttering, “Nancy’s going to lose her mind”, and he had to resist the urge to snap and tell him to shut up about Nancy’s flowers. Instead, he gathered his breath, turned his face halfway around to look at Felix, and whispered, “It really hurts.”

The devastation on Felix’s face could have been bottled and distributed. He’d tied his hair up higher than he usually did and was wearing about twenty hairclips of Sanrio characters and Pokemon for his kawaii zombie costume. The makeup on his face was smudged from where he’d inevitably rubbed at his eyes during the evening.

“Oh, darling,” he murmured, his voice higher than it’d been before. “I’m so sorry if I made you feel pressured to eat anything. I’m sure no one would have noticed, if that's what you were worried ab–”

He was cut off by the splashing sound of even more vomit cascading past Elliott’s lips. Tears streamed down his face as his internal organs spasmed and groaned. Throwing up was one of the most unpleasant experiences for Elliott, but right then, he couldn’t wait to throw up even more, and relieve himself of the feeling of his body fighting everything he’d put past his lips that evening.

[sunshiinekisses]

Sometimes it feels like i dont have anything to say to anyone, yet im exploding for anyone to have a stimulating conversation with me. Do we have anything in common, or do i just take care of you? Do we have conversations or is it forced small talk? distant friends who live together and touch. Then again the touch isnt even that good. Maybe for you, maybe i make you feel loved. Thats what ive always been good at, making people feel loved. I will take care of you, fiercely love you even if i dont know you and you dont deserve it. Its like scattering flower petals as i walk. sure its lovely to look at but the flower had to die to give you the petals. Plucked, cut up, and used for such small satisfaction. 

While driving today i reflected on myself as i often do. this time more inquisitive than judgmental. Do i have any hobbies and what are they? Im still pondering this question. Cleaning? Watching movies? Getting high? What do i really even do? Who would be interested anyways? What is so stimulating about me? Sure i have a lot of things i want to do. I want to find my medium in art and i want to create something. I want to have a garden and i want to have house plants. I want to go to parks and go on walks and have a dog and live life, but what do i do instead? nothing. Maybe ill read into something i see online, or watch a video essay on youtube, that doesnt mean i am i smart, and that doesnt mean i even retained any of that information, 

i know the “it girl” thing is trending and is also already very broken down. This isnt some riveting thing that im thinking about. I just thought that by 25 i would have done something for myself, maybe had some sort of routine, something to keep me healthy. Do i even have passion? I often find myself dreaming and imaging that i am already “ that girl “ and that i will one day stumble into that life, like it will just magically happen. I will be in love with everything i do, I will love life and my partner and life will feel the way it does when i romanticize it. 

Am i held back? I have goals and i know that i am capable of doing things by myself, i get more things done that way. I do the things i want to do when im alone. I dont feel as stuck. 

Stuck. 

If i leave this i will have no one and no where anymore. we are so intertwined. Who would hear me, who would love me or invite me without you? Really im just a plus one. Im the shadow,. It reminds me of the first time i ever went to a party and the guy who took me (who onlt took me bc he wanted to fuck me, not becuase me knew a single thing about me at all) shushed me every time i spoke. he wanted me to be background noise. Later in the night, while we were walking home, i asked him if he realized he had been shushing me. “Oh im so sorry!” he exclaimed. I still fucked him. I still took care of him. I got sushed in return. 

the point of this was to get it all out and it feels like i have but not in a good way. It feels like ive got what was flooding me out but i didint get to feel the good part. where is my release? and maybe one would say that this is just the top layer of healing. and you have to keep going, but i understand what i have done to myslef i have done the deeper healing i know what im doing. I choose peoeple who will never fully love me bc they dont fit with me, because they will always choose something or someone else over me. Beacuase i choose people who need help bc i need someone to help me. but i refuse to help myselkf or let anyone help me. i refuse to ask, i cant even physically ask for it. i wont even move my lips to ask someone to stop the car to go to the bathroom for chirst sake, Im a sham of a strong person and i wish someone would see that and just take care of me and give mw the love that i give everyone else. i want someone to hold me, i want someone to write me love letters and that thiks im funny and wants to have conversations and take pictures of me and thinks im their muse and i want the love to see im movies and read about im books but i cant even make it it work. 

am i unlovable bc i dont even love myself? i just want to be seen and heard by you, i want you to know how much i love tou and i want you to love me that much back.. please love me that much back..