#posting this one later than the others have been bc I didn't finish it in time to queue it last night lol

[that-sarcastic-writer]

A Love Game

DI!Single!Dad!Leon S. Kennedy X F!Teacher!Reader

Summary: You hear a glimpse of Leon's relationship with his daughter. And later he makes you a proposal you just can't refuse

Warnings: mild sexual content, still minors dni, brief phone sex, allusions to sex, Leon has a mouth on his as always, bit of soft!dom leon, mostly Leon being a soft dad on this one, foul language (as always), no use of y/n

WC: 3k

A/N: so I'm totally in love with this dynamic! And yalls support was insane. I literally wrote two separate drafts of a continuation of these two and whichever I finished first was gonna be posted, so the light smut one won bc I'm tired atm and didn't feel like sitting in front of my computer for 6 hours🙃 so this short part will have a second part to it with full spicy time. And another standalone part with these two (coffee and other things) having some more spicy time is also in the works, so stay tuned. Besitos <3

Universe Masterlist

Leon blinked slowly, his eyes now starting to grow sore from staring at the bright computer screen for so long. But he just hadn't had time to finish this stupid report. Sure, he has had two whole days to get it done, but with a tiny human clinging to his arm every waking minute, it was a bit more complicated than he thought. But he couldn't possibly ignore his little girl when he barely had the time to be with her without having to worry about stopping some mad scientist with too much time in their hands. He didn't mind though. His little girl was more important than anything else. 

Still, he took advantage of the little window of time he had now. He had given Isabella dinner a little over an hour ago. Then left her in the dining room to finish her homework. She had always been a smart girl, responsible with her homework, she never fussed when he asked her to do it, so it didn't worry him in the slightest to leave her to do her own thing. She tended to get distracted when he was around anyway. 

Though, maybe an hour had gone by when he heard tiny feet pad bare through the wood floors and he saw a mess of chocolate brown strands sticking from its bun peek above his computer screen. He slowly lowered the screen until it was almost shut and he was met with a pair of sapphire eyes that were a replica of his own. He raised an eyebrow at her. 

"Daddy." She took a step closer to him, her eyes big like she wanted to ask him something. 

Leon sat up fully, setting his laptop aside and nodded at her, giving her his full attention now. "What's up bee?" 

"Can I.. uhm.. I can play with your switch now?" She asked, dark lashes batting as she fiddled with her hands. As if she had to give him puppy dog eyes for him to say yes. He kept his face serious though. 

"You wanna play on my switch?" She nodded. He ran his fingers over his light stubble as if he was thinking real hard, he pursed his lips in thought. "I dunno hun, did you finish your homework?" 

"How did you know I had homework?" She asked with an adorable frown on her face, it took Leon all of his willpower not to break then. 

"Well I do now." He slipped a smile and she pouted. He couldn't help but chuckle at his little girl. He took her in his arms and sat her on his lap. "Well I knew before. Wanna know how?" 

Her head perked up. "How?" 

Leon leaned into her ear with a smile, "'Cause dads know everything about their little girls." He pressed a kiss to the side of her hair and set her back on her feet. "But yeah, Miss Pretty Teacher told me." 

"That's cheating!" She whipped her head around with a gasp and glared at him. He again couldn't hide his laugh. 

"Yeah alright, you caught me," he raised his hands up at her in surrender. "You can play on the switch for a bit. Do you remember how to turn it on?" 

Izzy proudly nodded and skipped over to the large TV hooked up to the living room. The TV had been on, nothing playing, but just on, since Leon had intended to play some white noise in the background but never actually loaded up anything. He switched to the right input as he watched Izzy turn on the Switch. It took her a second to remember how, but she was happily skipping back to the couch with the controllers as the loading screen came up before Leon could get up to help. He shook his head to himself, but he puffed out a breath when Izzy jumped on his lap, rather hard, the little girl giggling when he groaned. 

"Jesus Christ, when did you get so big?" He chuckled, fixing her on his lap so she wouldn't fall and watched as she scrolled through the games until she found Mario Kart. 

"I turned seven in October, remember?" She piped up, genuinely reminding him of such an important date, as if he would ever forget. He nodded. 

"I know, Izzy. I took you to Dave and Busters with Amara, remember?" 

"Oh. Yeah, you're right. That was fun. We should go again sometime! Please daddy?" She turned her head to look at him with this smile on her face and her big blue eyes. 

God, what did he ever do to deserve this kid? 

He pressed his lips to her forehead and nodded. 

"'Course. I'll talk to Amara's mom, okay?" 

He watched as Izzy excitedly nodded and cheered happily before she got lost in the game in front of her. He didn't mind her having screen time. It wasn't like she had an iPad glued to her face twenty-four-seven. He let her play once or twice a week, and maybe a third if he was feeling like playing with her. And she was more than happy to spend that time with her dad. 

Tonight he wasn't really feeling playing, so he watched her do her best. To her, she was the biggest winner there ever was, throwing turtle shells and bombs at practically nothing and hitting the wall with every curve, but she had fun with it, so he let her be, cheering her on whenever she finished a race, even if it was in ninth or eighth place. 

Maybe thirty minutes had passed when he felt his phone buzz beside him. He took his eyes away from the colorful screen to look at his phone. It lit up with a text, and his smile grew wide at the name. 

My pretty teacher. 

He grabbed his phone and quickly opened the conversation. You had been texting back and forth all day, for days now, after what he considered a perfect first date, but he just hadn't gotten around to match your schedule to plan another date. So you had resorted to texting and maybe calling once here and there. But God, he was really missing you right about now.

My pretty teacher: sorry, I went to dinner with my mom and sister. And I just got home. Hru? 

He bit his lip as he attempted to type into his phone one handed. 

Me: It's fine. I'm ok. With izzy. 

My pretty teacher: awww🥰 

Me: Can you call? I'm texting with one hand at the moment. 

You saw the message, and he could see the three text bubbles appear and disappear. Until they didn't come back. He mentally grimaced at himself, maybe the idea of talking to him while Isabella was there made you uncomfortable? Shit. He hadn't thought about that. Christ, he hadn't dated in so long he had forgotten that being a single dad wasn't exactly the biggest turn on. No matter how much one liked kids. 

His anxiety riddled brain stopped racing when he saw your contact name pop up on his screen as his phone started ringing. He grinned to himself. He glanced at Izzy— her full attention was still on her game, he shrugged and answered the call. He set his phone down, still having one ear bud in from when he was working on his laptop. 

"Hey Miss." He spoke first, his heart racing in his chest a bit. 

"Hi Leon." He could hear the smile in your voice. That shy smile he thought was the prettiest thing. 

"You busy?" He asked, still a bit worried he was interrupting you in the middle of something. Though the indistinct sound of TV playing in the background let him know that maybe you weren't that busy. 

"Not really. I got home a little bit ago so I was just about to run myself a bath." You answered, walking back and forth between your bedroom and the bathroom connected to it. "You?"

Leon tried his hardest not to think about your words too much. Not right now. 

"Nah. Just watching Izzy play on my switch. She's kicking ass in Mario Kart." He heard you blurt out a giggle, which made him chuckle, but what made him actually laugh was Izzy shooting him a frown over her shoulder. 

"Daddy, that's a no-no word." 

Leon snapped his head down at Izzy and he frowned, not sure if he heard her correctly, "What's that bee?" 

"I said that's a bad word."

"What is?" 

"Ass." 

Leon almost snorted at the way she said the word. With a frown and her lips pursed. He didn't care if she said bad words or not. He sure as hell said them all the time, but he encouraged her not to repeat what he said, in front of other people, at least. He narrowed his eyes at her. 

"So don't say it. I'm an adult. I can say them." When she kept looking at him, he placed a hand on top of her head and —gently— turned her head back towards the TV screen, despite her protest. "Keep playing your game, Isabella. Or you can't sit on my lap anymore." 

All Leon could hear was you attempting to muffle your laughter, but he could hear your giggles loud and clear. He only rolled his eyes, but he had a tiny smile of his own. 

"C'mon don't laugh, being a parent is hard. Are you the one teaching her this no-no bull— B.S?" He caught himself, closing his eyes when you laughed even more, now not even bothering to hide it. 

"I have to! I have a swear jar, I'm sorry. I gotta set an example." 

He actually laughed at this, remembering the mouth you had on you when he had you on his bed. 

"Yeah, well, you weren't so pure and innocent when you were screaming—" He caught himself again, his own eyes widening when he remembered Isabella was right there and he sighed out softly. "Give me an hour and I'll give you the answer you deserve, Miss." 

You stayed quiet for a second, not because he offended you, but because you needed a second to breathe and control the heat that flashed between your legs at his insinuation. You exhaled deeply before responding. 

"You're what again? Playing Switch with Izzy? 

Leon hummed in response. "She is. She's sitting on my lap so I'm being forced to watch." 

"I'm not forcing you!"

"On your game, Isabella. Stop listening to my conversation." 

"Does she have her own Switch or something?" You asked, now sitting on the edge of your bathtub as hot water poured from the faucet. 

"No. It's my Switch. But I leave it in the living room so she can play sometimes." He answered you with a shrug you obviously couldn't see. 

You chuckled softly, "How old are you again?" 

"Thirty-eight, but that's besides the point. I barely have time to use the thing. I mostly bought it for Izzy." He wasn't lying— entirely. He sometimes played, late at night by himself when he wanted to drown himself in a bottle of whiskey. He would choose to play a game to blow off steam instead of getting drunk with his little girl sleeping in the next room or passing out drunk at some shitty bar. 

"I'm very convinced by that." You snorted, making him sigh out at you.

"Hmph. Whatever. You wouldn't understand how cathartic throwing green turtle shells at tiny cars can be." 

"Oh I bet." 

"Daddy?" You heard Isabella's voice through the phone and your heart warmed.

Leon looked down at Izzy, "Yeah?" 

"Who are you talking to?" She asked with genuine curiosity, her very glorious race tournament now over and her attention was on him. 

He heard you go silent, most likely having heard the little girl and he sighed out, his eyes landing up on the ceiling for a second as he thought of his answer. 

"Just a friend, bee." He ultimately decided on that answer. It wasn't that he was ashamed of being with you, not at all, but Izzy was still young, and even he knew there had to be a proper introduction of you outside of your teacher role. He actually wanted to do this the right way.

"You fuck my brains out last week and I'm just a friend now?" He heard you comment in his ear and he groaned out. 

"C'mon, that's not fair." He leaned back into the couch, his forearm over his eyes now as he basically had two women all over him, pressing him with way too many questions for his liking. 

"I'm just giving you a hard time, Leon. I get it." There was humor in your voice, lightheartedness and even though he couldn't see you, he had a feeling you had that gentle smile on your lips. That eased the pressure on his chest. 

"Listen sweetheart, it's almost Izzy's bedtime," His eyes were on Izzy now, and with his eyes he was nudging at her to start wrapping up her game. She pouted, but didn't otherwise fuss. "Call you in an hour?" 

You both had this dumb, lovesick smile on your face, if only you could see the other.

"I'll be up."

The warm water, the foaming body wash and the intoxicating smell of your favorite candle had done wonders to relax you. When you left the bathtub you felt like a whole new person. Though there still this tug of butterflies in your stomach as you anxiously waited for Leon to call you. 

You sat on the edge of the tub, warm and fluffy robe wrapped around your naked body as you mindlessly scrolled through your social media for a little while before you decided to check out for the night. You nearly slipped right off the tile when your phone buzzed and you felt a cold shiver run down your spine. 

"Hey, sorry about, y’know, earlier. Izzy and I are like that." You smiled at the sound of Leon's voice, now a bit hushed but more relaxed and carefree, like he now could say whatever the fuck he wanted. 

"It's okay. It was cute, hearing how you talk to her. You're sweet." You smiled to yourself, and you could hear him breathe out a soft laugh, most likely a bit flustered by your words, but he otherwise didn't show it. "You put her to sleep though?" 

"Yeah, I stayed with her 'til she fell asleep. I'm in my bedroom now, about to take a shower." He said the words slowly, with purpose, like he wanted you to think about it like he had been thinking about you, taking that bath. "So, you take your bath yet?" 

"Yeah, it was nice. I definitely needed it. I could've used some company though." You bit your lip, testing his reaction. There was silence, then he hummed. 

"Yeah? That so?" Now it was your turn to hum in agreement, your legs instinctively closing as you tried to soothe the ache between your thighs. "I'm sure you could've. Would've been nice to have someone hold you, right? Have someone leave kisses on your wet skin, say how good you're doing while getting your pretty pussy fingered?" 

You couldn't hold back the moan that left your throat at his words, and your free hand instantly traveled down, stopping at your belly. 

"Oh, that's a sound I'll never get tired of hearing. Fuck, you're already moaning for me and I'm not even there to give you a reason." He exhaled out a chuckle, his hardening cock starting to press against his sweatpants. 

"Fuck, I really wish you were here." You sighed out, your hand itching closer towards your already wet cunt, but you knew it wasn't your touch you ached for. It was Leon's. 

"Yeah? Why's that?" 

You whined softly, your phone almost slipping off your grip as your head fell to the side. "Leon…" 

"Tell me." 

"Because… I really, really, need you to touch me, hold me, ugh— I just need you to fuck me, Leon." 

Leon clenched his fist as his side, teeth digging into his bottom lip as he listened to your desperate words, and the sound shot straight to his cock. Fuck, he'd be lying if he said he didn't need you, too. 

"Goddamn baby," He grunted softly, his hand now brushing the front of his sweats, where his cock strained against the material, and he tried to muffle the sound between his teeth, but you heard it anyway. "You have no fucking idea how much I've been wanting to ruin that pussy of yours again. It's actually driving me crazy." 

You shuddered, the ache between your legs starting to become unbearable. "I really want to see you too, baby." 

Leon closed his eyes, biting his lip raw as he thought fuck it. He could explain in the morning. 

"Fuck it, just fuck it. Wanna take the drive here? I swear I'll give you exactly what you need and it'll be so worth it." 

You'd like to think you were a rational person, you always thought things through twice, three times if necessary. You didn't take risks, much less acted in a way that could be considered immoral, but for Leon? Fuck, for that man you would become the biggest whore in this world if it meant he would take you just one more time. 

"Be there in thirty." 

Fuck it. 

Sneak peek of A Love Game Part II, coming soon

His lips were hard on your own, messy on your jaw, like he didn't know which part he wanted to kiss more. Your fingers were entangled in his perfectly soft honey brown strands, already melting under his touch. His hand came up under your jaw to grip your face in place, long fingers sprawled out over your neck. He pulled you back by your face and his eyes were hard on you, with this mixture of authority and utter need to fuck you. He could be both. 

"This is how this is gonna be. I'm going to throw you on that bed and fuck you the way you deserve. But I better not hear a single fucking sound leave those pretty lips of yours. Not tonight. Got it?"

Stay tuned for upcoming parts lovelies. Besitos<3

[to-the-stars8]

Learning to Love Slowly

Jason Todd x Reader All Chapters AO3 18+ MDNI here's your nickleback smut, for context find that post about me listening to nickleback. also I didn't re-read this bc I'm just too tired lol

54-Positions and Pillow Talk

“Oh, fuck, don’t stop,” You gasped, turning to scream into the pillow. From this angle, he was hitting just the right spots and incredibly fucking deep. “Just like that. Oh, shit, Jason!”

The way you said his name, breathlessly and full of lust, had Jason’s heart fluttering while his cock twitched. Looking down at you like you were a gift he’d been wanting for years, Jay gripped at your ass until there were indentions of his fingers left behind. It would leave bruises, he knew, but he decided that the guilt could come later. Yet, that wasn’t enough. He wanted to be closer. 

Jason groaned as he pushed into you as deep as he could until he bottomed out, and his chest was against your back. Your body went limp for a second, and he looked up just in time to see you turn to let out another string of loud moans into the pillow. 

Smiling, he asked, “You good, sweetheart?”

Sweaty and flushed, you weakly hummed a yes. Jason insisted to hear your voice as he moved pieces of hair from your mouth. “Yes, I just—You’re so fucking good…”

You couldn’t finish your sentence as Jason started to slowly thrust again, pressing sloppy kisses into your shoulder as he did. His hand snaked around your waist, his fingers tracing a sweaty line from the bottom of your breasts to between your legs. 

You put your hand on his, mumbling something incoherent as your eyes fluttered closed again. Jason thought about stopping, seeing how overstimulated you were and not wanting to push too far, but he remembered that you’d let him know when enough was enough. And, by the whine you gave, hand pushing against his, you wanted more. 

Jason moaned into your hair as his fingers finally found the place he’d been searching for. You were soaked, the wetness causing his fingers to easily slide against your clit, finding the just right rhythm you liked. 

Jason steadied himself with his other hand as he slowly pulled out before slamming into you again. You yelped in surprise, hands scrabbling to find something to cling onto until one found the pillow next to you and the other found his forearm. 

“You look so pretty,” Jason whispered against your ear, picking up the pace of his thrusts. 

You looked up at him, eyes glazed over but a sincere, sweet smile on your face as you tried to get out a thank you. Yet, when he hit that spot again, your eyes closed and you thinned your lips to contain another moan. Jason couldn’t have pictured a prettier sight, nor anything else he’d rather be doing than you. 

Before you made a sound, he felt you come undone, pussy fluttering around his cock. It made his movements stutter for a second, because, for how good he was at finding all the right places in you, you were somehow better at doing the same to him. Jason groaned, forehead pressing against the back of your shoulder as he concentrated to not cum just yet. He wanted this feeling to last a little longer, to be right on the edge yet again. 

When you finally turned your face from the pillow, you tried to look at Jason over your shoulder, hand on his arm weakly stroking him reassuringly. Breathless, weakly, you asked, “How we doin’ back there, honey?”

Jason chuckled, pressing another kiss to your shoulder, “We’re good, baby. You good for me to keep going?”

“Yeah, but wait,” You said sheepishly. “Can we change positions? I wanna try a new one.”

Jason nodded, a bit hesitant at first because he liked the way the two of you were— You were certainly enjoying it in any case. Though, that didn’t stop him from slowly removing himself from you with a whimper. 

Taking the arm you already holding, you pulled him to lie behind you on his side, essentially making him spoon you. Jason, once he realized what you were doing, was enthusiastic about fucking you while essentially cuddling. He slipped his hand under your ass and up the back of your thigh, pushing your leg up in the air so he could align himself back at your entrance. There was little resistance as he pushed in, only taking a second to make sure you were okay before bucking his hips against you again. 

He was thrusting faster and wild this time, losing a lot of the constraint from before. Jason liked this position, it gave him easier access to other parts of your body and he just felt a fuck ton closer to you. Skin pressed against skin, and there was no hiding your face into a pillow or hiding how much you liked it. As you were quickly a blubbering mess, nails digging into Jason’s forearms as his arms held you to him so incredibly tight. 

He was whispering shit into your hair, but fuck all if you were listening—completely blocking him out when his fingers found your clit again. You squealed, still sensitive from earlier. Jason groaned, his lips finding the nape of your neck and sucking a hickey into the soft skin. While you attempted to turn your head to kiss him, you finally came again. Your orgasm was sudden and unanticipated, washing over you so quickly that you didn’t have time to register Jason finally capturing your lips with his. 

“Jason,” You sobbed, turning to look down at where your bodies conjoined. You could see your slick covering the inside of your thighs and his cock, and it send butterflies to your stomach. Suddenly, you cried out, “Fuck, I want you to come in me.”

Jason whimpered lightly into your ear, a sound so sweet and pitiful. He was so close, you could feel him twitch inside you as he tried to pull you closer. With both arms wrapped around your waist, his hips snapped forward in desperation. 

“Oh, fuck,” He whispered into your ear. “I’m gonna…fuck, sweetheart—Gonna cum.”

Before you could say anything he stilled, letting out a breathy moan against your ear. Having him cum in you was another kind of pleasure you didn’t know you’d been yearning for, and he certainly had been holding back. When Jason pulled out, whimpering as he did, he couldn’t help himself as he push himself back in—causing an obscene squelch sound you didn’t think be recreated outside of porn. 

“Shit,” He breathed against your ear after a few minutes. “You’re so fucking good.”

Letting out a quick laugh, you turned to give him a peck on the lips. “Right back at ya, handsome.”

Jason chuckled before loosening his grip around your waist, just enough that you took the opportunity to wiggle away. As much as you loved the feeling of his cum in you, you never quite liked the mess. 

“Babe, no,” Jason whined. “Stay.”

You giggled, trying to withstand the jelly feeling in your legs, before waddling to the bathroom. Jason smiled to himself as he sat up, reaching for his phone. “Are you hungry, sweetheart?” He had felt hungry for the past hour but was too entrenched in the sex to pay attention to the feeling. “I’m famished.”

“Who the fuck says famished, Jason?” You called back, laughing. 

He snickered, “People who read.”

“I read!” Your voice grew louder as you opened the door. “And, yes, I am very hungry.”

Jason shook his head, “Said like someone who doesn’t read.”

You laughed, picking out some clothes from your drawer before turning to him again. “You know, I bet there is no one else in the entire world who has sexier pillow talk than us.”

Jason’s laugh was a low rumble that was welcoming to the ears and you abandoning the clothes you had picked out. Almost instantly he noticed what you were doing, putting his phone off to the side and saying, “Well, look what all that lack of reading and too much talking is about to get you now.”

[midnightsnyx]

girl at home | mat barzal | part 5

pairing: mat barzal x fem!reader summary: you’re eighteen when you find yourself pregnant after Mat leaves for hockey. nearly eight years later, Mat finds out about your daughter and you have to deal with the consequences of not telling him about her.

warnings: swearing, angst, food, fluff, not edited word count: 2.3k authors note: it's my bday tmw and i am going out of town for the weekend so i wanted to get this posted!! also, i have no idea how pr management works so i def got everything wrong so pls don't yell at me lol i feel like this chapter is just like a roller-coaster that went off the tracks and blew up and someones trying to put it back together with tape from the dollar store so im sorry but i hope yall like it anyway and don't hate me pls <3 send your thoughts or come yell at me about this story bc I LOVE hearing from you guys!! It feeds my writing soul. thank u all for the love on this story so far and lmk if you wanna be added to my taglist. also thinking about doing some smau for this fic and wondering if you guys have any ideas or suggestions?

if you asked to be added to the taglist and didn't get tagged it's cause you didn't show up when i searched for you! so shoot me a msg and we can figure it out. also if you want to be added or taken off the taglist please let me know <3

requests are open. masterpost masterlist taglist form ask box

You didn’t think the situation with Mat’s statement could get any worse. You were already being pestered by your mom, your friends and even other parents at the day camps Nora attended. Mostly everyone knew that it was true that Mat was her father at that point so the statement caused questions to rise. Ignoring everybody’s opinions about it was easy but six simple words from Nora were what broke you. 

“I thought Mat was my daddy,” she said softly while eating breakfast one morning. She had been quiet since the day before but it continued when she woke up the next morning. You thought maybe she was just moody and tired but it ended up being much more than that.

It took you a minute to answer, trying to figure out where she might have heard or been told that. It wasn’t that surprising that she might have gotten the impression that he was her dad considering how much time Mat had been spending with the two of you or she overheard a conversation. Kids are very perceptive but you couldn’t see how anyone would directly tell her about the public statement and you had been very careful about what you said around Nora and told everyone else to do the same. 

Apparently someone didn’t get the memo. 

You had two options. You could lie to Nora about what was going on or you could explain it in the best way you could to her. Lying to your daughter was the last thing you wanted to do but figuring out the easiest way to explain it so she would understand was hard. How were you supposed to explain that yes, Mat is her daddy but he was a fucking idiot and told the world that she’s not even though he said he wanted to be in her life. It would have been so simple to take the easy way out but it wouldn’t have been fair to Nora so after she finished her breakfast, you sat her down. 

“You’re feeling a little confused, huh?” you asked, watching her fiddle with a loose string on her sweater. 

She nodded, still not looking up at you and not offering her thoughts. It was a bit alarming because she was usually a chatterbox, even when she was upset about something. She would let you know exactly what was wrong. 

“Who told you Mat was your daddy?” 

She finally looked up at you, and the tears threatening to spill from her eyes made you both angry and upset. You were ready to find whoever told her and scream at them but her answer stunned you.

“I heard you talking to Jaxy,” she whispered. “I wasn’t trying to listen but I was coming out to get some water and you said that you were mad at Mat.” 

She didn’t elaborate on what else she may have heard which was unnerving because you probably said a lot of things about Mat that night when Jax came over to talk to you about it. You hoped she didn’t stay long enough for your breakdown where you had cried for thirty straight minutes. 

She sniffled, wiping a couple tears away. “I don’t understand.”

Your heart broke but you still struggled with how to explain everything to her. Telling her in the beginning was probably a better idea but you were so caught up in your own thoughts and feelings, you ignored the person who should have been your number one priority the entire time. 

“Mat is your daddy, baby,” you said. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

I’m sorry I kept you a secret.

“How come everyone is saying he’s not?” 

Mat should have been the one to answer this question because it was his doing, but you hadn’t spoken to him since the night he was at your apartment and the two of you argued. He had texted you the day after but you ignored it because you didn’t know what you would say when given the chance.

“Well, sometimes people make mistakes and Mat said something he shouldn’t have,” you explained, hoping it was enough and it seemed to be enough at first but then she hugged you tightly.

“I love you mama,” she said and before you could reply, she quietly asked, “Do you think Mat loves me?” 

“I’m sure he does,” you told her and it took everything in you not to cry. 

. . .

Liana: dinner at our place @ 6. bring nora and don’t be late!!!

You’re tempted to decline the request and just stay home but you’ve been promising Liana and Nadia that you would actually visit instead of dropping Nora off and leaving like you’ve been doing. Avoiding Mat is becoming increasingly difficult. It’s been two weeks since he released the statement and a week since your conversion with Nora. She’s been asking a lot of questions, ones that you didn’t plan on having to answer so soon. You expected her to be angry with you for not telling her but she took your confirmation that Mat’s her dad with ease. 

So it didn’t come as a surprise when her first question was whether Mat would be at the Barzal household for this dinner. You hadn’t bothered to ask Liana, mainly because you knew it would definitely impact your decision to agree to go. 

“Did you know that Zoe’s mom and dad aren’t together either?” She says during the drive to the Barzal’s. 

You do know this but you humor her. “Really?”

“Yup. Zoe said she spends weekends with her dad and stays with her mommy during the week,” she explains and then moves on to a different topic. You’re a little curious why she would talk about her friends’ living arrangements but when you finally pull into the driveway, your question is answered. 

“Do I have to stay at Mat’s on the weekend?” She asks and if you hadn’t already parked the car, you would have hit the brakes. 

“No,” you say a little too quickly and sharply because she frowns. 

“How come?”

You don’t answer her question right away, getting out of the car and walking around to the other side. She’s already unbuckling her seatbelt by the time you open the door and she’s still frowning. 

“Just no, Nora.”

“But Zoe does!”

You can’t explain custody agreements to a seven-year-old so you say the first excuse you can think of. 

“He doesn’t live here,” you say, taking her hand and begin walking towards the house. She’s dragging her feet, clearly not happy with your response. 

“Do I have to call him dad?” 

“No.”

“Why?”

“Just ‘cause,” you say, stopping at the door and turning to her. Her arms are crossed and she’s giving you the look that says she won’t let up until you give her an answer she wants.

“Do you want to call him dad?” 

She pauses, looking down at the ground and frowning. After a moment she shakes her head. 

“No, but Miss. Jones says you’re not supposed to call your mommy and daddy by their first names ‘cause it’s disrespectful.” 

“It’s not up to Miss. Jones,” you say gently. “This is new, and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

After a moment, she mutters a quiet “okay,” and then: “do you think Nadia has ice-cream for dessert?”

“Guess we’ll have to go inside and ask,” you reply and raise your fist to knock on the door but it swings open before you can. Liana is waiting on the other side with a big smile on her face. Nora runs straight to her and giggles when the older girl picks her up and swings her around. 

“C’mon in,” Liana says, ushering you inside. So far there’s no sign of Mat so some of the tension leaves your body. After putting both yours and Nora’s shoes aside, you make your way to the kitchen. Nadia is puttering around, juggling a million things but she still smiles softly when she sees you. 

“Can I help with anything?” 

“You can keep me company,” she says and points to a chair. “Sit down and update me on what you’ve been up to.”

You know that you can’t argue with her so you sit and chat idly with her. She doesn’t bring up anything to do with Mat and you’re not sure what to think about it. You almost slip up and ask if he’s going to be here for dinner but decide not to. You haven’t seen him around since you arrived, so he’s probably out. Maybe with a girl. 

Not that you care, obviously. 

Mike eventually pokes his head in the kitchen to greet you and ask how you’ve been. He offers to set the table but Nadia shoos him out of the kitchen, rolling her eyes fondly. 

“Don’t get married, they’re nothing but trouble,” she jokes but there’s a smile on her face that lingers even after her husband leaves. You always admired their relationship, and were certain that you and Mat would be like it some day but it wasn’t in the cards. 

Soon, Nadia calls everyone to dinner. Nora immediately asks why Mat isn’t here and there’s an awkward silence until Liana breaks it.

“He’s busy,” she tells Nora and that must be enough because she just nods and starts eating dinner. Nothing else is said about Mat but just as you’re all finishing dessert, you hear the door open and close and there’s only one person you figure it will be.  

Mat walks into the dining room, clearly caught off guard by your presence. Nora hops off her chair and darts over to him, wrapping her arms around his legs and starts chatting excitedly. He’s trying to give her all his attention but his eyes keep flickering to you. 

When Nadia and Mike get up to start clearing the table and Liana asks Nora if she wants to go watch a movie, you realize that the three of them planned this. It’s almost like you’re kids again, fighting about something stupid and needing his parents to help fix the problem. 

Mat looks at you a little helplessly when the room clears and it’s just the two of you. There’s no way you can yell at him with his family and Nora in the next room and you realize that was also probably planned. 

“Can we talk?” he asks and you really don’t want to, but you realize that eventually you’re going to have to talk to him so you nod. You follow him out the back door and the two of you sit on the porch steps in silence until you finally break it.

“Why didn’t you come to me about what PR wanted to do? We could have figured out something together.”

He shrugs, looking at the ground. “I didn’t think to ask you about it. I just wanted to fix everything before it got complicated. I wasn’t thinking.” 

“Yeah, no shit,” you mutter. “That’s something you’re great at. You don’t think before you do anything.” 

You jump when he stands up suddenly and turns to face you. He’s angry but so are you.

“No, fuck that. You can’t just expect me to do everything right, when a month ago, all I had to worry about was hockey. I can’t be number one dad overnight! You didn’t even tell me about her for six years!” 

You’re a bit taken off guard by his sudden outburst but you can do anger too.

“That is the exact reason I didn’t tell you about her, Mat. Hockey is always going to come first in your life,” you snap. “And I didn’t ask you to be a number one dad, all I asked was that you be sure you wanted to be in her life before you committed to anything because this is exactly what I was worried about.” 

He falters a little, probably not expecting you to return the anger. 

“I didn’t want to post what they asked me to,” he says, sounding defeated. “But I didn’t know how to say no. When PR tells you to jump, you jump.”

You’ve no idea how public relations in hockey works, it’s possible that they would have posted the statement without asking Mat but you’re so damn angry. You’re angry but you don’t know who you’re even supposed to be mad at now. 

“You should have come to me,” you say again. “That’s how co-parenting works, you know.”

His mouth twitches. “That’s what we were doing?”

You can feel the anger slowly dissipating. Mat’s shoulders aren’t as tense and he plops back down on the steps so you sit next to him, letting your shoulders and knees knock against his.

“Well, you are her dad,” you admit. “And she is very concerned about her future living arrangements.”

He looks at you a little confused but there’s a small smile spreading across his face. 

“Does she know?”

“Yeah,” you tell him. “She’s smarter than you expect sometimes.”

“She gets that from you,” he says, poking your arm.

You roll your eyes fondly. “Well she had to get her brains from someone.”

He huffs but it sounds more like a laugh. You watch him look at the ground, brows furrowed and deep in thought.

“I fucked up, didn’t I?”

Here’s the thing that a lot of people don’t know about Mat: he doesn’t forgive himself easily. It’s something you learned the hard way when you were younger and dating. 

So you know he will beat himself up over this until you forgive him. 

“Yeah, but we both did.” You bump your knee against his until he looks up at you. “We can fix it, but we have to do it together.”

He holds out his pinky finger. ”Co-parenting, right?”  

You hook your finger around his and nod, letting yourself relax for the first time in weeks. It’s going to take time, hard work, and you’re both going to have to learn how to trust and communicate better again but you're sure you’ll get there.

“Together,” you agree.

tag list: @literatureluster @dasiysthings @barzyblogbabe @diary-of-jj @heatherawoowoo @fallinallincurls @topguncultleader @shadowsndaisies @lovinbarzal @whatthepuckisgoingon @alilstressyandlotdepressy @teapartydreams @keiva1000

[skazoo]

still do.

↳ choi jongho x f!reader

he couldn't stop loving you, even if he tried. and he did try for some time. it just didn't work.

length. 3.7k

genre. exes (and friends) to lovers, fluff, crack and a sprinkle of inevitable angst (i'm sorry).

warnings/tags. language, mention of death, mention of illness of a loved one, implied depression, .

networks. @kflixnet k-labels

notes. hello with another "this was supposed to be just teeth rotting fluff but somehow turned a little depressing and angsty on its own, i swear i didn't touch anything" do we see a pattern here? bc i do. i offer this lil jongho fic after sm time of absolutely nothing but i've finished my exams literally the other day, (DURING PRIDE MONTH!?!?? unacceptable) hope you like it!!

i'm desperate for feedback and i love comments with your opinion!

(cross-posted on ao3 only)

navigation

it’s a well-known fact —to your friend group, to the employees of the cafè on the way to your apartment, to the old lady that sells flowers at the corner of the big building you work at— that choi jongho not only likes you but he’s irremediably and unequivocally in love with you.

and that is still not right because jongho doesn’t just love you, no, that would be too obvious, too easy. he still loves you. 

if he goes back enough in his memories, jongho could say he’s always loved you.

he’s never been one to believe in love at first sight so when wooyoung drunkenly introduced the two of you at his birthday party, and he found himself unable to breathe let alone speak a coherent sentence to you, he immediately panicked. was he having a heart attack? a stroke? he was healthy, an athlete! how could this be happening to him!? he even made his own doctor hate him with all the panicked questions he asked the poor man on the phone but apparently, all he needed to relatively calm down was wooyoung’s loud laugh as he told him that he simply had a crush on you.

did he have a crush on you? 

you, with your beautiful smile and melodic laugh and sparkling eyes and– okay, yeah. he did have a crush on you but who wouldn’t!?

strong argument indeed, he thought.

that fateful night was only the start of a happiness he didn’t know he was able to experience.

you became friends, then best friends, then something more and then you were kissing, sleeping, and cuddling in bed together, going on cute little dates, and showing more PDA jongho ever imagined doing. 

he thought you were happy with him. navigating life with the same confused curiosity all young adults seem to innately possess.

then something happened that he couldn’t have ever predicted. and not because he wasn’t paying attention to you or because he was slacking off with his boyfriend duties, no. it came as a complete shock to everyone —you included, in a sense— because the signs just weren’t there. 

out of the blue, without notice, you broke up with him. after a year and for reasons that are still beyond his comprehension.

questions thundered into his mind asking why you had come to the heartbreaking decision, why you had sent him a ‘we need to talk’ text at 2am in the morning, and why he’d later found you at the front door of his apartment with tear-stained cheeks and puffy eyes, soft whimpers vaguely sounding like ‘sorry’ and ‘it’s not your fault’. 

if he thinks back to that night, jongho gets chills from how scared he was; holding your body to his chest, not knowing what to do or what to say, not knowing who hurt you or why you were hurting.

when he thinks back to that night —something he finds himself doing more often than his heart can take— jongho clearly remembers the silent promise he repeated in his head at least a thousand times after you went back to your apartment. a promise he’s set on keeping.

and it’s for that very promise that he now sits in the crowded cafe downtown, drinking an overrated caramel macchiato and hiding behind a book he has no interest in.

at least it’s what he tells himself. that he came to the same coffee shop you told him you’d be meeting your date at because that’s what friends do. he tells himself he’s wearing a mask and sunglasses inside because he can and will love you platonically if that’s what you need or want. jongho tells himself a lot of things and he hopes he’s strong enough to believe in them in a way that will make them reality sooner or later.

but it’s not like two booths away from him you’re faring any better.

are people outside your friend group really this boring and uninteresting? have men always been this arrogant and full of themselves? was your current ex-boyfriend the exception that proves the incredibly unfair rule? 

when you met jongho you knew you were lucky. hot college athlete with sarcasm to match yours and a badly concealed heart of pure gold? you knew you hit the jackpot. but you weren’t ready to realize that he really was one in a million men that actually put in the effort to go beyond the bare minimum.

why is it, though? 

the question threatens to break loose all the pent-up frustration this date is generously providing you with and you opt to ignore it and hide it in the back of your mind for another occasion. one that includes cheap wine, pizza, and an equally bewildered yunjin sitting on your couch with funny socks and mouth full.

for now, you only limit yourself to throwing a fake smile at the obnoxious man sitting in front of you who’s spent the entirety of this heinous date talking exclusively about himself and his crypto-currency business. 

he’s finishing what you think is a long rant about the stock market when he moves to get up.

you think you’re finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel but he just lets out an annoying chuckle and looks at you with his small and pig-like patronizing eyes. “don’t worry, love. i’m not leaving you i’m just going to ‘powder my nose’, how you girlies say.” he winks and you resist the urge to gag at how… slimy he looks and feels.

as soon as he’s out of sight you let yourself slump on the small table, groaning a bit as you do so.

what were you even thinking? you tell yourself that today is going to be a well-suffered lesson for your future self: no dates with people that quote elon musk as if he’s some kind of greek philosopher.

your hands reach for the phone in your bag on their own. the last message you received was a sarcastic ‘have fun’ from wooyoung in the group chat but other than that everything is quiet, seemingly wanting to punish you for going against your friends’ advice to bail on the guy as soon as you saw him treat the barista like shit.

under the group chat, jongho’s name glares at you. 

you would be lying if you said out loud that this date didn’t have the sole purpose of distracting you from the claustrophobic guilt you’re feeling lately. 

jongho had never really cried in front of you but you swear if you could you’d erase the image of his damp eyes looking at you with confusion on that ugly night. and if you have to be honest you’d erase the encouraging but strained smiles he gives you now that you’re back at being friends too, because they don’t do anything but make you feel a shittier person than you already think you are. but maybe you deserve it. maybe this is finally going to be the occasion in which you understand that your actions have consequences.

your fingers work quicker than your brain can catch up, and before you realize it, you open again the conversation with jongho that ended before you went out and start typing.

> you: wyd?

> jjong: you’re on a date

> jjong: focus

> you: what is this an exam?

> you: nevermind this was a bad idea…

> jjong: texting me or the date?

> you: shut up

> you: the date 

> jjong: aw i’m sorry i could have told you that like,, an hour ago

> jjong: oh wait 

> jjong: i did!

another groan leaves your lips, only this time laced with a small chuckle at his antics. you mark the message as seen and throw your phone back into the bag. 

you hope other people can't see how much you miss him.

while you’re too focused on burning holes in the bathroom door from how hard you’re staring at it, dreading the moment it will open to reveal your current problem, in the loud noise of the cafe you don’t hear the heavy stomps of someone approaching you from behind. 

only when you feel two warm hands plant themselves on your shoulders and you hear a familiar voice muttering to itself something that sounds like ‘found you’, you’re forced out of your angry trance state and you’re asked to quickly choose between either your fight or flight instincts. you throw a blind punch and the person creeping up on you folds into two.

but that’s on him because who creeps on someone sitting alone at a table and touches them without making themselves known? what happened to ‘hello, what a coincidence to see you here’? what happened to manners?

you snap your head to the figure behind you and you let your panic subside but your annoyance rises.

“how– what are you doing here!?” your words come out in a hiss that makes the old couple sitting in the booth behind you turn around and look at you with judgy eyes but that doesn’t affect jongho in the slightest.

“saving you? duh.”

“who asked you that?!”

“what– Y/N, you texted me even before you met the guy, may i add. and the message said: ‘please end my suffering.’ in my book that’s a cry for help!”

he’s right but you let out an affronted huff anyway. arms crossed and lips in a pout you know is childish. “whatever.”

you feel him staring at you with a raised eyebrow and a smug smirk that you, oh so badly want to wipe off his face. 

“what?” you spat. your tone more embarrassed than you’d like to let on.

“what, what?”

“what the fuck are you smiling for?”

he throws his arms in the air exasperatedly. “am i not allowed to be happy now?”

“of course you are, it’s just… you being happy,” you air-quote to punctuate your suspicions on his current joyous disposition. “usually means wooyoung fell or someone got hurt.”

he laughs. “do you think so lowly of me, Y/N?”

“shut up.” the napkin you’ve been fidgeting with because of the irrational panic rising in your guts is now messily crumpled on the table and you groan at the whole situation. head in your hands and eyes closed. you’re so bad at this.

what happened to moving on? what happened to leaving jongho alone because he doesn’t deserve someone treating him like shit? you broke up with him supposedly to save him, but, not even three months in, and now that your mind is clearer you think it’s okay to want him back? to feel full again every time you talk about the things you did together and bask in the silence that follows with a warm knowing smile? you think it’s good to let your eyes wander to his face when you know he’s not looking, falling in love all over again? to feel your face involuntary stretch into a smile every time you spot him waiting for you outside work?

whatever your fucking problem is, you’re scared that you’ll come to find out its only solution is the person you fought so hard to push away. because what if you managed to scare away the last source of happiness you had? it’s selfish, you know, but it’s also the only thing you can think about as he looms over you; body so dangerously close to yours that you can catch the flowery perfume he always wears.

you think he’s speaking to you because his big hand is outstretched in your direction and his eyes are looking at you expectantly, with a veiled urgency.

“sorry, what?”

“i said get up and let’s go.”

“go where exactly?”

he rolls his eyes and you keep to yourself the striking resemblance he has with a spoiled child right at this moment.

“c’mon, we’re living this tinder nightmare here.”

“oh, are we?” you ask equal parts amused and curious of where this little skit of his is going.

when his deadpan expression doesn’t shift into one of his gummy smiles at your slightly annoying antics you know something impulsive and possibly embarrassing is about to happen and you know you will be the only person who will have any sort of unnecessary remorse out of the two of you.

your hands fly to your parted mouth and you hiss at him again. “are you serious!?”

he smiles.

“jongho, no.”

jongho yes, the mischievous look he throws you seems to proudly announce. 

he checks the toilet door one last time before gently grabbing your arm and not-so-gently yanking you out of the booth. a surprised squeal leaves your mouth but not a word of protest is heard from you.

“oh my god, i’m really doing this.”

his eyes are set on the door and he speaks without looking at you. “doing what?” 

“leaving someone like that while they’re in the bathroom! that’s so… i don’t know jjong, that’s so rude!”

you see his shoulder shake and you know if he were to face you right now you’d see one of his shit-eating grins. what you can’t imagine is the softness in his eyes as you call him with your nickname for him. he missed it. he misses you. painfully, completely, constantly.

his wide strides are followed by your frantic steps as he maneuvers the two of you out of the door and into the busy downtown street.

“so what? do you wanna go back in there and risk being bored to death by a guy that’s not even a quarter of what you deserve?”

“wha– no! i just–”

“then why should you feel sorry for that sad excuse of a date, uh? like, really, he took you to the most overrated place he could think of, Y/N. he didn’t even know you don’t like coffee!”

you chuckle at the frown of deep offense that blooms on his face. his lips in an affronted pout. “but that’s what the date is for, jjong. he couldn’t have possibly known.”

he stops in his tracks when he’s far away enough from the crowd in line waiting to be granted entrance to the place you just left. 

“i do, though.” an imperceptible strain to his voice as his eyes search yours in a way that’s almost desperate. “i know you don’t like coffee and that you like to sleep on the right side of the bed and that you just have to sing that ridiculous song to tie your shoes because otherwise, for some inexplicable reason i still have to understand, you can’t.”

has the world around you stopped? your ears are ringing from the deafening silence and you feel like everyone around you has stopped breathing and is waiting for you to say something to the boy in front of you who stares you down in determined distress.

“i know you, Y/N.”

you know he deserves an explanation. him more than anyone in your life. him more than yourself, even. jongho with his proverbial patience that let you cry and consoled you the whole night even after you’d told him you were breaking up with him. jongho that didn’t push or torment you with questions the days after. jongho who accepted —maybe in pure and raw self-preservation— to go back to being just friends, with tears in his eyes and a smile on his lips because that’s what you’d told him you needed at that moment. his kindness that, more often than not, you’re convinced you don’t deserve.

“i know.” you close on yourself, your arms coming to hug you tight so that he can’t see the cracks that constantly try to spread over your skin. “i know you do.” an imperceptible whisper that threatens to drown in the buzz of the busy city around you.

“then why?” his eyes are pleading and his voice is quiet when he speaks again. 

“i know i should give you time and i know you’ll tell me one day but please–” he gulps down a lump that you know he’s had for at least three months. one of worry, confusion, and guilt. one you know you gave him.

“–please, give me something. anything.”

silence.

“Y/N, please say someth–”

“my mother was sick, jongho. she still is.” the line you’ve dreaded crossing for so long is no longer a line. the wall that’s been standing in between you and everyone else now has a hole in it. 

“i was out of my mind just from the news of her condition, i– i wasn’t well mentally and physically just from that and i saw time slip through my fingers, felt every single second like a punch to the guts. i threw away all the clocks in my mother’s house, i started sleeping on the floor outside her bedroom, i– the week i told you i was busy with deadlines, we were still together, remember?” he nods, small but it’s there.

 “i spent those days obsessing over something that was not yet real. my brother had to slip me sleeping pills to let me close my eyes for even a second.” your voice cracks because the guilt you get from just looking at jongho always has to be added to the guilt you feel when seonghwa kindly asks you how you’re doing lately.

“i-i was a mess just from that and i didn’t want you to be with me when what i was scared of was going to finally become a reality. i didn’t want you to see me like that because i didn’t think it was what you deserved. and you may be unable to understand and yell at me that it had to be your choice and not mine but i still don’t think that what i did was wrong, i’m sorry.”

the apology floats in the air between you. it’s not articulate or rich but it’s the only one you can get out at the moment.

“my psychologist says– he says i’m doing better now. we agree that the worst is over but there’s this…  unknown that hangs over my head and every second that passes i don’t know if this guillotine will cut my head off or miss me by a hair.”

he just looks at you with that unreadable expression that scares you.

“i didn’t– i don’t want to go back to when the worst wasn’t over and i’m scared that if i give myself back to you i will take you down with me one way or the other.”

you don’t know what you expect him to say or do after you just vomited everything you’re constantly trying to keep hidden, on him, but his loud silence is starting to feel too heavy, unsettling.

he doesn’t feel present, his eyes unfocused and unblinking. 

he shakes his head as if to wake up from a trance and looks at you with eyes too full of love. no pity in them and you want to thank him for it.

“ba– Y/N why didn’t you tell me?”

the simple question throws you off. 

why did you do the things you did? 

why does anyone do things?

you want to cry and tell him that not everything has an explanation. not a logical one anyways.

“i don’t know, okay! i wasn’t sure how you felt! god, i didn’t know how i felt and–”

“how could i have ever felt!? we were together for more than a year, Y/N. i loved you. i still do.”

“w-what?”

he lets out a chuckle that is not mocking or mean or condescending, not one you would’ve expected from anyone else. it’s kind and soft and a little bit amused, much to your irritation.  “do you find it surprising?” 

you open your mouth to say something but he beats you to it. 

“i am in love with you, have been since the moment i saw you at that stupid party and when you told me you had to break up with me i just– Y/N, i couldn’t let you go or stop loving you, even if i tried. and believe me, i did try for some time, but it just didn’t work.” 

with tears clouding your vision you’re surprised you manage to find the time or strength to tease him. “you tried?”

and apparently, it is those two words that make him break out of the containment chamber he’s forcing himself to be trapped in. he smashes through the protective glass in true jongho fashion. a well-placed punch and the chains that kept him away from you thinking that’s what you needed, dissolve into thin air as he closes the distance, messily rushing to you and caging you in a desperate hug that steals the air from your lungs. 

you feel his hands claw at the back of your shirt and it’s the heartbreaking and deep affection that allows you to accept that you’re not difficult and you will not be. not to him, not to the people that love you.

he buries his nose in your hair, breathing you in like he wants to absorb you forever, then everything that happens next goes naturally, smoothly, following a line that was always supposed to be the one and only.

it fits perfectly. when you kiss and it's like the universe, your friend group, the employees of the cafè on the way to your apartment, the old lady that sells flowers at the corner of the big building you work at, knew it was meant to be.

you both stand with your eyes closed, embracing each other.

he wants to be a person who deserves you and whom you deserve. jongho loves you and he wants to be there, picking up your pieces, putting you together like a puzzle, taking his time. 

you sniff, looking up at him with what you hope looks like a soft expression and not some sort of a pained smile. “hi.”

“hey.” he smiles back, thumbs caressing away stray tears.

“you know that i saw you sitting there the second i stepped foot into the coffee shop. 

“you did not.”

“you were reading the book upside-down.”

he blushes but his arms tightens around you.

“i was not.”

[yellowloid]

my experience at am's show (3arena, dublin, 15/10/2023)

starting to write this post while stuck waiting at the airport, after somehow managing to get rid of my sleep deprivation headache through an overpriced orange juice. (edit: it's been two days and i'm stuck at home with a cold and it's all their fault) (jk) (i mean i guess that's giving me an incentive to finish writing this post so yknow. silver linings)

i'm sorry in advance because i know this is gonna be super long (and probably less cheerful than my other recap posts because i'm opinionated) but i swear i'm gonna try and not be insufferable (said as i obviously lie)

• SO let's start off by saying that we made it right in time for the start of miles' set (we were looking for our seats as he came on stage) and thank god because i was shitting myself and almost throwing up thinking we were gonna be late bc the bus we were supposed to take never showed up and we had to take another one. we literally SPRINTED up the stairs once we were in and heard he was coming up

• seeing miles open for them was moral compensation for his milan concert that i wasn't able to attend despite having tickets in 2022

• he had a very short time slot as usual with opening bands :/ and unfortunately that led to everything feeling a bit rushed :( like i'm not sure how he's been playing songs like cry on my guitar or the wonder at his latest gigs but they were SO DAMN FAST like please slow down i want to let my fav omb song sink in 😭

• still i absolutely LOVED his set, especially colour of the trap (which was AMAZING live), rearrange, come closer and inhaler. his energy was through the roof, he was literally buzzing and if you can already see how much he loves performing via video, it absolutely shines through when you see it live like. bro's literally a ball of light and energy and like. the sun personified l??? he's got so much charisma and a great stage presence. he was all smiles and really really tried to get the crowd hyped. loved him loved his set

• speaking of the crowd. it was absolute bullshit they had ZERO idea how lucky they were to have tickets to one of those four dates and how iconic it was that mk was opening for am after all these years. or maybe they just didn't care idk but i swear to god it wasn't even the usual "crowd who's not interested in the opening act" which. again. do you know how lucky you are you're seeing them both on the same night. don't let yourself be fooled by that cott video with the phonelights on, that was the only thing they did to show miles at least the tiniest bit of support - they were fucking dead otherwise, which is so weird because if you know am at more than a surface level you most likely know who miles is, and you probably know at the very least some of his songs... and yet they were so fucking quiet it was honestly painful to witness. most people there really had no idea how much lore was behind those gigs and it shows

• but again, it wasn't even that they weren't interested in the opening act. because they were fucking dead even during the main set. my section was full of drunk guys who were kinda hyped but very annoying (we'll come back to this later) but even in the pit which is supposed to be the most active area it looked like everyone was asleep and woke up at random times remembering they were at a concert and they were supposed to cheer and sing and just act accordingly ??¿¿??

• not even dancefloor or diwk managed to wake them up......DIWK. that's like. the song that's guaranteed to make the ground shake. i've seen am three times this year and in both paris and rome the crowd was usually only dead during the car songs (and tbhc depending on the song) - but they were INSANELY active during other songs, both oldies and classics. but this crowd was so disappointing literally snork mimimi-ing their way through the show

• anyway. miles should have played wrong side of life just for me and he also had the opportunity to do the funniest shit ever and play killing the joke or see ya when i see ya but alas one cannot have everything

• he did do something very......interesting during cry on my guitar (and i think also during one man band? but i'm not sure). my guy pointed at the mirrorball while singing "late night, all night, miss your kiss" which was kinda insane and i lost my mind a little but anyway

• as we all know there was no tlsp because he removed aviation first and then sntm which particularly hurt because he did it just a couple of hours before the show and when i saw that i just Knew. i knew shit was rapidly going downhill but still i was holding out my hope!!! i thought well there's still 505 or maybe they're saving sntm for later!!! i chose to keep being delusional!!! and boy was i about to get slapped in the face!!!

• now before we talk about am's set allow me to tell you a funny story. as i said my section was full of men who were very hyped (especially for wpsia/fwn/am songs) and the guy right next to me in particular (who was there with some other male friends) was, to put it shortly, a fucking annoyance. i was there with my brother and as we were waiting for the start of am's set he went to get us some water; so i was there alone minding my own business when the guy next to me immediately started hitting on me (he literally waited for my brother to leave bc he probably thought he was my bf lmao real smooth man). he was trying to make conversation asking me where i came from or things about the band, if it was my first time seeing them and what song did i think they were gonna open with and internally i was like BITCH who do you think i am. i literally know their setlist by heart. you and me are not the same

when i told him sculptures was gonna be the opener he was like 'mmmm idk' and i was like shut the fuck up. he was so condescending and patronizing about it and mentally i was like honey trust me we're not the same kind of fans i know much more than you do. anyway spoiler: of course they opened with sculptures

(he was also from england and told me he saw them in london at emirates stadium and when i asked him if he saw them on THE night when miles joined them he was like 'haha no' at which i was mentally like bro you didn't even see them on the right night why are you pestering me with your lame ass attempts at hitting on me. and he was so close too and already tipsy and basically just a stereotypical english dudebro and i swear the whole scene literally looked like this

but anyway then my brother came back and he finally shut up

• the problem is. this guy and his friends then started chugging on their beers and getting really drunk and the whole show this fucking idiot had no idea what personal space was because he kept invading my section and kept moving around drunkenly and i couldn't even fully enjoy the concert because i was so fucking scared i was gonna get elbowed in the face sooner or later, and i even tried to push him off because he kept bumping into me with his clumsy ass drunk moves but he just kept fucking being a nuisance the whole show and i really really wanted him gone from planet earth <3

• this went on to the point that i was dreading the fast and more active songs because this guy would just start being really frantic and overexcited and i literally feared for my life but even during the calmer songs he was fucking annoying like bruh. i appreciate the enthusiasm but i promise you don't have to throw it back to cornerstone like calm the fuck down or at least back off and stay in your fucking lane or i swear i'm gonna bite your head off

• anyway now let's talk about the actual show

• let me start by saying that yes i may have some complaints but regardless of everything it was (as always) a fucking great show. no doubt about that. i very much enjoyed it and i'm also very happy we were the first crowd to experience the strings live. i definitely got some better setlists (rome's lives in my head rent free), but it is what it is. beautiful show but well, it's always a beautiful show with them and we all know that. i may have mixed feelings about some things but these are just my opinions so please don't come at me lmao

• about the setlist: i definitely would've appreciated if we got a bit more tbhc (we only got the title track and that was it... i mean at least i got to hear it live, for the first time if i remember correctly, but still..... i'm mourning the loss of 4/5 and star treatment) (we didn't even get the iwby x star treatment x jet skis mashup which i was really sad about because i LOVE that mashup and i would've loved to hear it again); for the car, i'm so happy i got to hear hello you (we'll talk about this more later) but i also would've loved to hear perfect sense again because </3 sir that's my emotional support favourite the car song </3

• i was also thinking we'd get a bit more wpsia since originally it was the uk&ireland tour and back in june they played some more songs from that album, also because usually the closer they get to home, the more they go back to the origins... i was so hoping for mardy bum, a certain romance or ritz but instead we only got the view from the afternoon (not complaining about that tho) and dancefloor (please for the love of god remove that song from the setlist forever thank you very much)

• also if you want to give us sias (good) then why would you choose to give us don't sit down.........give us hellcat.......give us the title track........anything but That One...................

• however i got my beloved cornerstone (<3), 505 with the new string outro (but at what cost) and also all the car songs with the orchestra so that's a win

• as usual the crowd was kinda dead during the car and tbhc songs but again. they were already dead so they only became more dead during those songs

• they didn't really interact that much with the crowd, nor with each other; alex limited himself to the usual ("good evening dublin", "how you feeling/are you enjoying us dublin", "thank you", a couple of "terrific" here and there but that was it) + he did a shout out to jamie during cornerstone ("it's jamie cook here on his electric guitar!") and i think they scissored at some point during the body paint outro

• the transition from teddy picker into crying lightning was absolute FIRE my ass was shaking

• now for some silly antics

• after the piano interlude before high he said "why'd you only call me when you're high........" in the lowest saddest way ever as he usually does. okay man 😃👍

• he introduced arabella by going "i'll tell you about a girl that i made up......real character......arabella" like bruh we got it we understand you totally made her up and she's 100% not real like i promise we Get It we really do. why do you always feel the need to reinforce that why are you so adamant about it ESPECIALLY when in the presence of a certain someone......you're so sus

• "and it sounds like..........THIS" before the arabella guitar solo. literal chills

• "let's bring this party down to the cornerstone.........woah 😯"

• he always adds this thing during cornerstone i remember he also did it in rome and then i forgot to post the clip but i swear i never understand what he's saying i've seen some people transcribe it as 'ken barlow' but to me it sounds more like 'jenny ballow' or smth like that which doesn't make sense either way but still. does anyone know what i'm talking about and wtf he's on about

• nothing to say about cornerstone. beautiful beautiful beautiful as always <3 he also did the "squeezed me very tightly" bit that he always does and it was the cutest thing

• he sang the last line of the song so cuntily it was like. 'yes 😗 you can call me anything 😏 you want 💅' if it slayed

• after the song ended there was a moment of silence after which he went "......they kept in touch" and i felt the need to put him in a blender and drink him whole

• "from our first LP wpsiatwin, the view from the afternoon......."

• he got on his knees during pretty visitors. where he belongs

• we also got knee socks but there was something wrong because his voice cracked multiple times on the higher notes, he didn't even finish singing some lines - he just stopped, shook his head and then tried the next one... idk what was happening but he really looked like he was struggling during that song :(

• at the end of fluorescent adolescent he sang "remember when you used to be a rascal....... ~do you remember?~" which i saw he also did at last night's show and idk man that was kinda sus

• the strings were absolutely amazing showstopping spectacular and really put a nice ribbon on the songs they were used for (especially 505 and hello you) but that just makes things even more infuriating because why did they only get the whole orchestra there for the last four shows which weren't even originally supposed to happen.......... are you telling me if alex hadn't caught laryngitis we never would've have got them or what. like what's up with that

• anyway up until this point despite the lack of sntm i was still a sweet naive summer child who had some hopes left for 505. but the moment the music started playing without miles having been introduced to join them i knew. i knew we wouldn't get shit

• the 505 outro with strings was amazing tho......so melancholy and beautiful and just sososo pretty i loved it. would've loved it even more if miles and alex smooched right there and then

• as i said the crowd was dead even during diwk which was absolutely embarrassing lmao like wtf. not only was i the only one popping my pussy to the car and tbhc songs i also was the only one doing it to the most basic ahh song (still a banger tho it's always so powerful live 10/10)

• i can't believe the biggest milex interaction we got was alex saying "let's hear it for miles kane" right before body paint... i nearly lose my mind there and he literally just said his name (not a dedication like some people said) but i mean. that was at least acknowledging each other so i'll take that (said as i rip my hair out and bite my tongue and roll on the floor hitting myself)

• i was so delusional at that point when i heard he said his name i thought well maybe they're gonna be random and he's gonna join for body paint!!!!! which in hindsight i'm like. girl do you have any idea how insane you sound rn

• "thank you for having us dublin, it's been lovely" said with the most 'i'd rather be anywhere else than here rn' face and tone ever :/

• btw his little HA! was very <3<3<3 and at some point he was like scratching his head in such a cute way i almost forgot how mad at him i was (emphasis on almost)

• "just a trace....... just a trace....... just a traaaaaaceeeeeee....... just. a. trace. on your legs~ and on your arms~ and on your face........ your faceeeeee"

• when they left the stage before the encore the crowd was shouting "one more song" but all i wanted to hear was "miles, miles, miles fucking kane" because who knows maybe that would've shook them up and they'd spontaneously decide to call him on for the encore (incredibly delusional)

• hello you as the encore opener was fire, i'm so glad i got to hear it live AND with the strings too, it sounded just like the recorded version and you could hear the improvement in the live version so clearly compared to when they first debuted it; the mirrorball still hadn't dropped and since i haven't been watching many videos from the north american tour i was like ??? i thought it was maybe malfunctioning bc only the little one at the back was shining before but them BOOM the main girl dropped during hello you and it was crazy beautiful!!!!!

• "i bet that YOU look good on the dancefloor, dublin"

• at the end of the show he was blowing and catching kisses, they were bowing and waving to the crowd and that's when i realised it was my last time seeing them this tour and you could see the exact moment my heart cracked i was desperately hoping they'd never leave that stage </3

• it was an amazing night but it very much left me with a bittersweet taste in my mouth - because, as i've been saying, the vibes felt so off and i don't even know why. i can't exactly point out what was wrong, because really we have no idea what goes on behind the scenes; and i'm not even talking about it through a milex lens or smth like that. i mean, i was absolutely disappointed that nothing happened - no sntm, no 505, nothing -, but when i say the vibes were off i don't mean it in a demon way. i'm talking about the band. they really looked like they didn't want to be there, probably because they're tired and burnt out and can't wait for the tour to be over so that they can have a much-needed break. they must be exhausted and i get that, i really do; but still. it was a bit disappointing and i hate that i can't fully put my finger on why it felt that way, what was wrong, why did everything feel so rushed and why the well-oiled machine feeling translated into 'we're gonna play this show so soullessly it's gonna fly by more quickly' but it really felt that way. also mind you, i'm not even saying this as the 'tumblr fan who follows every show they play and knows all their antics by heart so that's why she notices perfectly normal things no one else notices' (like i remember the discourse back when they played glastonbury, and that really made sense because ofc casual fans are not gonna notice everything we notice) - but no, i'm not doing this that way. because my brother, who's very much a casual fan who knows nothing about the lore or the usual way they play shows (he saw them with me in paris so he had some kind of basic for comparison but that's it) said THE EXACT SAME THING. he agreed that the vibes felt very off, he also had to listen to me angrily ranting about it all the way back to the hotel and once again he agreed that the show felt, to put it very simply, kinda weird.

• now speaking of miles not joining them... the fact that he removed sntm at the very last minute was one of the sussiest thing he's ever done because why would he even add it to the initial setlist only to remove it just before the first show. it literally doesn't make any sense but i'm choosing to believe there were some technical problems out of their control, no time to rehearse or something like that... they're still best friends and if they weren't okay they wouldn't even have asked miles to open for them. i do find it weird and stupid that they'd miss this opportunity and i'm so angry at them for being dumb and not doing anything with it (unless something happens tomorrow), i'm very much heartbroken and my mind was and still is wandering trying to find more or less rational or delusional reasons why they didn't do it. i was drowning in grief after the show and the day after because i simply couldn't wrap my head around it all, but that's on me for having expectations i guess. i know they're still best friends. they're also never beating the divorce allegations. the two things can and should coexist when you're in an obsessive codependent homoerotic friendship and you're constantly having filthy telepathic sex with each other

• someone please get them to therapy or lock them in a room and throw away the key until they talk and sort their shit out and it stinks of sloppy nasty make-up sex in there because at this point it feels like we're fucking intruding on their fucked up psychosexual games and i'm SO TIRED of being a child of divorce. please we know you know everyone knows you're obsessed with each other just stop being insane (barely acknowledging each other) and start being insane (having crazy gay sex again). i promise all your problems would be solved if you just fucked each other into oblivion like the good old days

• ANYWAYS. i'm still kinda sad and angry over the way the show unfolded and it's not really helping that it's dawning on me that there's only one show left and then they're gonna disappear for god knows how long. i still loved the show, don't get me wrong, and i'm very grateful i got to see them again before the end of the tour and also to see miles for the first time during the same night. i do feel very lucky and despite the fact that we got no tlsp reunion or 505, the fact that miles was opening for them after YEARS of this not happening is still very much history in the making. iconic in and of itself. i'm also happy i got to visit and fall in love with a new city, i'm missing dublin so much and i miss THEM so much and i'm feeling so sad and bittersweet and heartbroken and ugh. i swear i can't even explain it to the full and i can't believe the tour is almost over </3 but that's a thought for another post..........

• for now i just want to see what happens at the last show and enjoy it to the full because yes we might have complained about some stuff along the way (i know i just did it myself lmao) but it's been such an amazing and memorable tour i just wish it'd never end </3

[munsons-melody]

eddie's death

summary: you were there with him in the upside down when the demobats attacked, leaving you to witness the death of the love of your life, eddie

pairing: eddie munson x female!henderson!reader

cw: death

recommended song: featured audio clip / lovely by billie eilish & khalid

word count: 1.7k

a/n: my goal was to make someone cry if they read this but it backfired on me bc i sobbed writing this. also i made this audio myself so pls no reposting it to any other site w/o my permission

masterlist

i do not consent to having any of my works republished, translated, or posted to any other site except here. if you see my works anywhere but tumblr, it has been republished without my knowledge, consent, or permission.

-

you never meant for it to happen. you never meant for your boyfriend to get wrapped up in all of this but here you were, trying to defeat some evil creature of an alternate dimension together in hopes to save the world

you had just finished hearing your boyfriend play the famous chords of Master of Puppets.

the song you heard him listen to for hours on end after it came out, the song you would hear him strum on his guitar while you were sitting in his bed admiring how well he played, and unbeknownst to you, the song that was going to serve as his last performance

“most metal ever!” dustin and eddie screamed as they came back into eddie's trailer

"i'm so proud of you!" you squeal, giving him a giant hug and a kiss on the cheek

you were so proud that this plan was going smoothly so far...

oh how you wish you would've known

but the clang of metal above you continued to drum fear into your heart as the demo bats started to rain down onto Eddie's trailer

everyone knew the plan. everyone knew not to stray away from the plan, and god you wished eddie would've too

after helping dustin back through the gate into hawkins, Eddie went to lift you up when he suddenly stopped you and looked you dead in the eye,

"here," he said, handing you his guitar pick necklace, and you looked taken aback 

"but why?" you ask and he gave a small smile before your eyebrows started to furrow, realising what he was insinuating 

"god, eddie no, nothing will happen to you, i promise" you tried to reason but he didn't want to hear it

“i love you y/n, but please forgive me” he said, before shoving the necklace into your hand and hoisting you up through the air causing you to fall through the gate and land on your back on the mattress

the mattress from his bed where you spent many nights with him, laughing, smiling, kissing...

now you laid on it, watching the him act on a deadly heroic deed in order to save a town that hated him

“eddie!” you scream with confusion. you hoped he’d hear you and follow you back to where it was safe, that the conversation you just had was nothing more than an anxious thought, but that was proven untrue when you looked back up at the gate

he looks at you and dustin one last time before cutting the makeshift rope of sheets

“eddie no!” you scream again as your hand stretched out in a last ditch effort to somehow stop the events of your worst nightmare unfolding

“shit shit shit what is he doing?” dustin yells, and you look at him, pure fear and adrenaline coursing through your veins 

"chairs" is all you manage to say before quickly grabbing the one next to the table and setting it up under the gate. the chairs weren't tall enough to reach the gate, so you quickly jump down, running to the side table next to the couch, stacking the chair on top 

"once you get up you jump through" you told him. your mind was racing, there was no other thought occurring besides eddie 

dustin quickly climbed up and did his best to jump through the gate when you heard a thud and a loud crack

seconds later, dustin was screaming out in agony when it clicked what had happen 

"dustin!" you yell, climbing up the same table and chair he just did

you use all your strength left to jump into the gate, flipping down onto the mattress next to a screaming dustin 

"oh my god!" you scream, helping dustin sit up 

"jesus christ!" he sobbed out, but neither of you focused on his injury for long, both knowing the high stakes of eddie being out there all alone

"can you stand?" you ask him and he shook his head

your arm went under his in attempts to help him stand, not helping much but giving him some form of movement to head out of the trailer with 

you heard a crash and scream from outside the trailer, the scream sounded like Eddie and you hoped and prayed there was a god out there to help keep him safe, that it wasn't him screaming, somehow he was fighting off every bat, not attaining any injuries

when you heard the loud noise, dustin and you looked at each other in fear, and you both scrambled to get out of the trailer, when the second you went out the door and caught sight of eddie,your heart dropped as your blood ran cold

you helped dustin run over to eddie, the two of you collapsing next to him

"eddie jesus you need to go a hospital right now" you say, trying to pick him up

"help me!" you scream at dustin, long forgetting about his fresh injury that happened moments before

the two of you try and help him up, but he's struggling to do anything by lie there on the ground 

"wait no just give me a minute" he snapped and you laid him gently back onto the ground, lifting his head up onto your lap for support

"i didn't run away this time, right?" he started and you knew what was happening, it all clicked.

your boyfriend was dying in your arms.

"shh, eddie, you're going to be okay i promise" you reason, trying to wipe the blood off of his face 

"you're going to be okay and we're going to get you to a doctor and soon you'll be right back to normal" you continued, starting to sob

"and I'm going to graduate right?" he asked with a struggling smile, his breathing getting more choppy as he tried to remain calm 

"i think it's my year henderson" he said, reaching a hand up to wipe your tears that seemed to flow like river. even when dying, he always wanted to make sure your tears were dry, one of the many selfless acts of the man you love.

but it didn't stop the tears, if anything just watching him act that way on his deathbed reminded you again why you loved eddie munson 

"i think it's finally my year" he spit out, the two of you both struggling to breathe. 

"it's your year and you're going to do so many great things" you tell him, gripping his hand tight 

"i love you man," he tells dustin, who's just as teary eyed as you

"i love you too eddie" dustin sobs out as he tried to stop the bleeding 

"y/n" he croaked out", and you looked at him as best you could with your blurry teared vision 

"yes eddie?" you ask in attempts to breathe but nothing seemed to slow down your heart which you believed would burst at any minute 

"remember that day in the cafeteria? when you and i first met?" he asked, and you nodded intently. it was the best day of your life. it didn't matter that he ruined your favorite sweater when he accidentally ran into you, spilling your lunch everywhere, because the second you locked eyes, you knew you needed him in your life one way or another 

and low and behold that's what occurred through date nights at the hideout watching him and his band play, late night picnics at lovers lake, helping him create campaigns for hellfire even though you were completely lost on everything going on in DnD, the times he snuck into your bedroom window late at night to comfort you after calling him at 3 am from a bad dream, the countless times you rewatched your favorite movie just because he wanted to hear you say all the lines you knew by heart, the early mornings in his trailer watching the sunset and seeing wayne get home from work...

"of course" you say, nodding to him

"that was the most important moment of my life, cause that was the moment i fell in love with the most beautiful girl in the world" he stuttered out, breathing even more shallow than it was before 

"oh eddie" you manage to mutter out, your breathing erratic, sobs flying out of your body

you stare at him intently, waiting for him to mutter out another word to give you some sense of hope that he was still with you but when he failed to say another word you felt your entire earth shatter around you 

you screamed. 

the scream you let out was one of terror and heartbreak, almost like something out of a movie.

your throat was sore, your face was numb, and your vision was completely blocked by the tears

the screams continued. it was the only thing soothing the worst pain you've ever felt in your entire life 

and you stayed like that for what seemed like hours, holding onto eddie for dear life, praying you'd feel his chest move or see his eyes blink but nothing happened

all you could hear was tour own screaming. your own sobbing. 

the only thing you could feel was the numbness in your body soon taking over.

you didn't even hear when steve, robin, and nancy returned to the trailer to see you sobbing over eddie's body.

you didn't hear the gasp nancy let out, the cries robin had, or the stomping of steve's boots coming up behind you 

"y/n we need to leave" steve said with urgency, but you couldn't move. you wouldn't move.

"y/n please we have to go" steve yelled, starting to wrap his arms around you in efforts to pull you away but you didn't move

it took all of steve and robin to pull you off of him, but even when you couldn't feel eddie's body in your arms, it seemed like your whole body shut down

steve immediately picked you up and held you bridal style back into eddie's trailer to where the gate was

but you didn't care

your body was frozen. you would've been fine if they had all gone through the gate and left you there. 

you stared at the ceiling, wanting some form of thought to occur other than the one you were trying to process, the one you just lived, the one you'll keep reliving.

nancy and robin took to create another makeshift rope to replace the one eddie had cut and within minutes, you were thrown back into what the others considered the 'normal world '

but to you, it was purgatory.

fin. 

[gold-rhine]

a little while ago you made a down with the cis bus post about scara killing teppei!! would u mind going a little deeper into how the inazuman archon quest was flawed? i think it'd be interesting :]

asdfghjk listen, that post wasn't actually a Critique, i just thought it's funny and if teppei has to die from scara's actions, we might as well both support trans wrongs and make it fun, i don't actually hate teppei or think he was the real archon quest problem haha

i would like to finish replaying inazuma questline before writing anything in depth, but things which are obvious already:

1.pacing is GARBAGE. it goes from slow to too quick to too slow to wayyy too quick to stopping in its tracks to force u on a date with ayaka on gunpoint, than again way too quick through rebellion parts. and like i'm not an ayaka hater and i know her fans love that quest, but it should've been just a separate story quest like all others. it has NOTHING to do with the story. At least Yoimiya's is connected, though I'd either separate it too or trim the fat on it a lot, but ayaka's is just what feels like several hours of meandering bullshit. i had to wait 10 minutes of real time to make cheese to make her pizza and it was just the start

2.because we had to waste hours going on dates, rebellion part moves at breakneck speed when it tries to do too many things at once: it wants to endear and make you care about common rebellion soldiers, it wants to make you feel like you're earned respect and command position of your team by them giving u trials, it wants to have a cool battle where kokomi is shown to be smart, and it wants to have fatui schemes with delusion effects shown developing gradually via teppei.

what ends up happening is that we do a lot of fetch quests, the battl is not properly set up so it ends up feeling small, and kokomi is shown kinda stupid instead of genius strategist.

3.more on kokomi. kokomi's only triumph is the win of that one battle, but its invalidated in hindsight bc she won by hiring mercenaries, but she hired them using money she blindly accepted, and they ended up being fatui's and it lead to the delusion crisis. like she didn't win bc of any great strategies, she won bc she was bankrolled and manipulated by fatui.

i think what they should have done is first of all, cut ayaka hostage situation, have the battle happen IMMEDIATELY as we arrive, have kokomi win by being brilliant and using her fish as spies or whatever, then combine the "endear and make you care about common rebellion soldiers" (rn happens before battle when u go with teppei around) and "make you feel like you're earned respect and command position of your team by them giving u trials" (now happens after trial when kokomi gives u swordfish team). teppei should just be a loser in swordfish team instead of wasting all that time at the start. then have a SECOND battle (it's a fucking war and we barely fight rn) and thats where fatui setup can happen. this way we establish kokomi as great strategist independent of fatui, make the bonding with rebellion more focused, have more cool action, and fatui schemes are still included.

4. raiden fans dont interact, biggest inazuma problem is raiden woobyfycation at the eleventh hour that immediately disregards both consequences of her actions and other character arcs, but also makes her seem as the dumbest jock in teyvat. instead of her having coherent vision, its just oh its her twin who was smart, raiden herself just didn't know that ppl have feelings, this is why she knowingly let fatui start civil war. but i think i'll talk about it later when i finish the whole inazum

[irusanw4]

Ok so bc of the hyperspecific poll I'm gonna explain my potato dreams. Currently I've only had 2 but I'm hoping that at some point I'll have a third, bc I really wanna see what my brain has to offer. Buckle in because this is a long post.

Dream One

(PT: Dream One)

There were Minecraft mechanics in terms of digging and building and sizing, but nothing else. I, and I think a few other people, were carving out 18 obstacle courses within the city-sized potato. Each one was themed around a different Pokemon type, and the one I cared the most about was the flying course. It required flying between close-together plants and was 2 blocks wide and less than 15 blocks long with a 90 degree turn to the left at the VERY end. Like, the first block in that new section was the finish line. I was super particular about where each plant went, and the real challenge was just how fast you'd fly through it!

That was what pretty much the entire dream fixated on, and it ended when I finally did it perfectly

Dream Two

(PT: Dream Two)

This one was much more lore-heavy! The potato had been split in half and there was a vaguely circular or ovular area set between the two halves with maybe 10, 20 meters of wiggle room max (I'm very bad with scale)

That round area never got filled in by my brain, but it was very clearly mentally labeled as Unsafe. Nothing was allowed to enter that empty area, to the point it wasn't even possible for me to consider walking into it. It was just. Not a space. However, laser cannons could fire through it! That's important for later!

The dream began with a guy, who I'll call uhhh. Boss. There weren't names in the dream but explaining this without names will get confusing. Boss found the essence of a weakened god. The essence visually was just a green fire, smaller than a campfire and floating a bit above the ground. We'll call the god Green because it's consistently associated with the color!

So Boss speaks to Green while his crowd of guys he had with him stand back! And Green tells Boss what boils down to "I'm weak now, but if you work to make me stronger then I will help you with that power!" and Boss agrees. It's unclear if this particular agreement was binding or if Green just kept its word, idk, my dream didn't explain itself

So Boss gets his many followers to carve out a shrine in the halves of the potato. Initially this shrine copied the obstacle courses from dream one, but over time it became huge rooms with defense systems in each one. I don't recall most of them, but the important one was laser cannons, which pointed inwards for some reason.

Eventually, some of Boss' followers betrayed him, shutting down most of the aforementioned defenses, so what was left would require manual direction rather than automatically activating. Boss still had younger, particularly loyal follower who we'll call Frank. Frank looked up to Boss a LOT and idolized him, so he was happy to risk his life using one of the remaining cannons to attack the half of the potato that had been taken over.

At the same time, Green was hit with a strong attack and was an essence again. And essences are very much able to be killed by laser cannons, the strongest of which was actively charging up to hit and kill both Frank and Green.

Boss decides in the moment to sacrifice himself. He makes Green promise to look after and protect Frank in exchange for taking over Boss's body, and Green agrees. It then teleports to Frank, grabs him, and teleports far away so it's just Green and Frank on a hill in the middle of nowhere.

The dream technically ended there, but there was a very clear impression left on me by the ending and some details I missed.

For one: that promise was binding. Like, Green HAD to protect Frank when it agreed to that. I'm unsure if Green knew that at the moment, but it definitely realized it at the end

Two: Green was also associated with rabbits, wind, and fast movement. Which. Haha. WindClan moment.

Three: Frank had VERY mixed feelings after he realized what happened and saw Green. Because Green was still using Boss's body! And Frank genuinely cared a lot about and truly looked up to him! And Boss cared about Green and also maybe about Frank? But Boss is DEAD now, there's no coming back from what Green did in that moment. And yet that's Boss's face.

Genuinely insane that my dream included this level of detail btw. Usually I'm lucky if it all has one plot line. Especially since I don't dream super frequently. I do like my potato dreams though! They're never scary or upsetting or uncomfortably close to a recent stressor, they're just. A story. I didn't add shit to that explanation. Hell, I cut some stuff out like the exact layout of the potato for brevity's sake. The only thing that's stopping me from making an actual story out of my potato dreams is that I want to see if I'll have more naturally. I hope so :)

[cinematicnomad]

i'm 32. i've never had an abortion. i grew up moving around the world. at all points of my life, i have always, always, considered in the back of my mind what i would do if i needed one. college in particular stressed me out—from 2009–2013, i lived in a rural small town that didn't have an abortion provider, just one of those malicious "crisis pregnancy centers" that PRETEND to provide options but really guilt and shame and lie to people with uteruses to deny them care.

so i always made sure to know where the closest abortion provider was. my friends and i talked about this, shared our individual plans with each other. at the time, it was a good 2 hour drive away, and i didn't have a license, let alone a car. but i did have older siblings and friends that i knew i could rely on. people i could turn to if i really needed help. my fears at the time mostly surrounded potentially having to reveal any personal details about my private life to them—i have a hard time asking for help, and tend not to share my thoughts or emotions with others, especially family (case in point, i almost posted this on twitter but then DIDN'T bc my sister and brother follow me). i'm in therapy, i'm working on it!!—but i never worried about being able to access abortion care.

i've never had an abortion, but i did have a miscarriage. i was 18 and i didn't even realize i was pregnant. my miscarriage was, thankfully, early and painless and i didn't know what it was until my period came for real and i spoke with my OBGYN about what happened.

i think about that 18 year old version of me all the time. i had just finished my freshman year of college. i had ended things with the guy bc i was hoping to (and would shortly) get back together with my other ex. i was more concerned with watching the latest true blood episode and meeting up with my friends still in high school at their after-prom, than with worrying about whether or not the guy at college had knocked me up.

abortion in austria (where i was at the time) has been fully legalized since 1975. if i had not had a miscarriage, i would have had options. if i had not realized until later in that summer, once we were back in the states, i would have had to have an incredibly uncomfortable and upsetting conversation with my conservative parents. but even then, i know, i would have had options. miscarriage for many people is a traumatic event. a painful loss, both emotionally and physically. for me, it was a blessing. but even if it hadn't have happened, i know i would have an abortion.

reading the latest NYT article (free link!!) about the dobbs decision fucking kills me. i keep having to stop. i keep welling up with tears. these 5 justices calculatingly (and at least some of of them, i believe, maliciously) stripped the country of roe v. wade. they turned back the clock and denied millions of people access to safe abortion, to their right to choose, to their bodily autonomy. just because i never had an abortion does not mean that this loss is felt any less keenly.

i find, time and time again, that i do not understand how some people go through this world and their life seemingly looking for ways to harm others. seeking to strip them of their rights. to deny them their humanity. i cannot comprehend how they seem to take glee in punishing people they view as other for the v basic fact that they exist.

this is long and i don't even know what point i'm making except for: i am so grateful for the fact that when i was 18, i had options, and i am so very, very, very fucking sad for the fact that there are 18 year olds today (and 20 year olds, and 28 year olds, and 15 year olds, and 36 year olds, and WHATEVER) who are being denied their right to choose. it's not fair. it isn't right. i want, so desperately, to change this.

and now the plea: please vote. please care. please advocate and donate and protest and be loud and be heard and demand better rights for yourself and others. please consider the courts when you cast your ballot: not just the supreme court, but the lower courts as well. if you don't, there will only be more decisions like this, the consequences of which will continue to ripple out for years on end causing harm to untold numbers of people.

[coffeelovesdramasalatte]

LITA Ep 3 Rewatch Thoughts

Hi friends! Here we are at ep 3, and these posts are getting longer by the episode so grab a lil snack and some water if you want <3 I had to make a part 2 because the number of images got to be too many (linked here and below)

The opening continues to slap (plus I think I've listened to it enough times I think I can sing along with the chorus despite not knowing more than 8 Thai words)

Recap spanks hehe

Opening the episode up strong with this beauty (am I talking about the bike or Phayu in the folded coverall? clearly it's both)

SCHEMING CUTIE ALERT!!! That's the Sky-is-my-new-favorite-person smile <3

I'm dyingggg - Phayu says "I'm still waiting Rain" but bro, it's only been like 10 hours since the declaration of love-war, please calm down

Oops I realized I haven't been mentioning the episode titles - this one is so cute! 'I like Rain, and I'm not talking about the weather" but tbf this should have been episode 1's title

Live footage of me crying over my schedule as a grad student:

Dang, Sky has got a good poker face

Also Rain and I are equally dumb (I'm including myself here bc if I didn't already know Prapai and Sky were going to have a storyline I probably wouldn't have assumed he liked guys right off the bat) - Sky didn't even flinch when Rain writes down his mission to court Phayu (a guy) and immediately writes down the first tactic. WHICH incidentally is "show up in front of him every day". It's pretty full-circle that Prapai uses this same tactic to woo Sky later on, isn't it? (I also didn't notice that until right now so wow these rewatch posts are helping my analysis skills lmao)

Look at my determined son!! He's gonna get his mans!! (Sky's looking a little skeptical tho)

Ah Sig my beloved other son who has a single braincell bouncing around in his head like a DVD player screensaver

The Rain-at-the-garage montage contains so many cute shots but this would get too long if I put every single one in, so let's focus on the first meeting with the brothers-in-law (P'Saifah and Rain). How much must Phayu have described Rain for P'Saifah to instantly know who he is on sight? Also P'Saifah probably reported back to Phayu immediately and I'm kinda sad we don't get to see that convo.

I didn't catch this until now but they also foreshadowed Rain missing a deadline in the next scene. Sky tells Rain to finish his work but as soon as Phayu texts him, Rain runs out of the room without having done anything.

Listen, I love P'Aon and his matchmaking skills ok??

Look at Rain, he's trying so hard to be polite with the P'Phayu and the khrap - what a good boy! It's taking everything in him tho lmaooo

The conversation that comes right after this between P'Saifah and Rain is pretty interesting. I love how the narrative keeps trying to tell us that Phayu is some sort of dangerous fellow when all he's done is be a model student and mechanic and teach college freshmen good manners. Could he maybe learn a little something about physical boundaries? Perhaps, but maybe it's just how kind-looking Boss is, but I never got any sense of danger from Phayu, and esp not towards Rain. Rain's reaction to hearing presumably about Phayu's past relationships is quite on-point, and really cements the stubborn and determined attitude he takes towards getting Phayu to like him. It's how we as the audience know he's gonna be successful.

Next up, Phayu arrives in all his fashionably-late glory. This part has me smirking every time because he walks in all suave and stuff but approximately 7 seconds into Rain's pouting he immediately drops all pretenses and becomes so squishy and soft

I LOVE this exchange between them - again, we are getting a full picture of their early relationship dynamics. Phayu has expectations that Rain's gonna be different, and Rain's telling him he's gonna meet those expectations, and Phayu's satisfied "ah just as I thought" face makes an appearance.

I absolutely adore this expression on Rain/Noeul - it's so subtle but powerful

Yay dinner date!! Phayu is taking so many mental notes right here (also pls note this is the same face Rain is making right above)

Phayu is way too good at pressing Rain's buttons omg - he really got Rain to do this with like a single sentence of teasing (tbf Rain is pretty impulsive tho so I'm not surprised)

The poor serviceperson was like pls let me go

Phayu goes through this episode looking wayyy too satisfied imo

But Rain actually does have nice manners - he gave Phayu the utensils and bowl first and does say thank you

This smile should be illegal actually bc it is stealing my heart and soul

And we get another instance of Phayu being very not immune to Rain's pout (this time he doesn't even get to pout for 3 whole seconds before concerned Phayu is feeding him and patting his mouth with a napkin)

We get some more foreshadowing that Rain is going to miss a deadline

ok THIS. These small gestures that Phayu does for Rain have me swooning just as much as their intimate scenes. Something about that sentence is grammatically incorrect but you get my point, right? They could have easily not included them (and idk if these were even scripted) but they make the relationship that much sweeter and believable.

Slightly off-screen headpat alert!!

AND WE GET IT IN POV SHOT TOO

Live footage of us whenever PhayuRain do anything:

Get you someone who looks at you the way Sig looks at his writing utensil (Have I mentioned I adore him yet?)

Also wait he's not wrong!!!

We get Rain's voice jumping like 10 octaves this time lmao (the increase is proportional to how much he loves Phayu obvs)

Look at our smart boy!! He's won design awards, y'know

Phayu you are not allowed to bully P'Aon like this - he's literally on your side??

Rain: I don't want to see Phayu

Also Rain: ignores Ple, the teachers, his friends, his homework to run to the garage to give Phayu snacks

Part 2 here (y'all we're literally only halfway through the episode omg)

[swimming-karyss]

Ace and Sabo in the sci-fi au!

I tried to keep Ace's description simple otherwise it'll be a wall of text. And Sabo is meant to be mysterious (I didn't really think things through with the composition...). Also Sabo's picture was finished like a month ago and meant to go with the Romance Dawn Trio, so it's just flat colors.... While with Ace I was testing a new way of coloring (and he was born after 9 moths normally so he's older!)

A close-up of the pretty pretty boy

More about Ace, Sabo, Whitebeards and RA under cut!

Ace was born in other star system and was brought on Earth by Garp, for the sake of safety. He spent his childhood mostly in the Wind turbines area/district, but as time went on he sometimes spent time at Makino's place (it's in the other part of the city. I'll talk about the Goa kingdom in the next sci-fi au post bc I want to draw a simple map for illustration purposes). He set out at 17, and after some time he joined the Whitebeards!

Also his arms were personally made for him, and have a rather unique feature. These dark bars on their sides are heat meters! So not only his punches hurt more because of the metal, they can also leave burns! And his hands are warm all the time, he gives great hugs :> the temperature is controlled consciously by Ace. I've been thinking that it'll be rather dangerous if he could accidentally activate it in his sleep, and considering his narcolepsy....

also a bit of, idk, worldbuilding?

I've been thinking about cybernetic modification, bc they are removable (Sabo has three, one human-looking, one to tinker with and one to do the tinkering. Why does Sabo suddenly have engineering skills? bc I think it suits him + backstory reasons (it's his parents and I'll tell about it later) + Dragon left him with Ivankov and Lindbergh for a year(there is no way Sabo would've had his cheerful and unbearable attitude if Dragon was the only one raising him) while he deals with some stuff) and if the ports are the same(realistic? no. but who cares) so prostheses are interchangeable, then what about their length? I think that simple models with no additional functions let you just adjust the length. And more complex variants are obviously made specifically for one person with their proportions in mind.

So about the Whitebeards... I didn't really know how to call them, like 'group'? 'Company' doesn't really sit with me... Let's go with 'organization' for now. Whatever, the point is the Whitebeards provide various services like protection (bodyguards and convoying merchant ships), delivering goods, technical maintenance, etc. They have so mush influence, to the point that some parts of habitable galaxy are considered their territory. (a bit like The Interastral Peace Corporation from hsr, but not so big and the WBs usually take more mediatory/intermediary role) It's no secret that the Whitebeards don't mind dealing with the criminal sphere or breaking some laws. They may very well be considered a criminal organisation, but the World Government can't do anything because WB is just that powerful. (plus they do have their rules and a certain code of honor, so they have a lot of respect from civilians and businesses alike) It's also the reason why some revolutionaries often turn to them when it comes to transportation (while some avoid it like fire because big organization=lots of attention)

I've mentioned that the WBs have their own values and code of honor, and I think one of the services they might provide is like mercenaries/headhunters in a sense they will either assist finding ppl who has wronged their business partners(and like if someone is willing to pay additionally for hunting specific criminals maybe?) or just doing it themselves. And Ace is a part of this division(so he's the one chasing Blackbeard), and he holds a rather high position? ( he would enjoy field work way more than paperwork)

In this au the Revolutionary army is much more decentralized, because the space is big, duh. The founder trio(duo now unfortunately) as well as the four commanders each is responsible for their sector of inhabited galaxy, but they still give the general reports to Dragon like monthly(and some teams are empowered to make their own decisions and come to the best conclusion without necessarily getting "approval" from up top). Sabo is mostly in charge of communication and distribution of information between the sectors, plus sometimes he deals with problems that are important enough to get them to higher-ups but not that important to go to Dragon with them. He's got quite a lot of work to do, but he still really really wants to go to field missions, so he does sometimes, I mean who would stop him? Above him only Dragon and God. And both have enough problems to deal with already.

So, as I mentioned, the RA is decentralized and doesn't have physical headquarters or a base (they have private protected servers tho and Dragon's cool spaceship lol but now that I think, the Wind Grandma is their base... it mostly moves around the galaxy away from most common travel routes. it's very protected and is difficult to detect) so the revs are scattered all around the world, in small groups that sometimes come together for missions but mostly work by themselves. And one of such groups is Sabo, Koala and Hack, although after Sabo's promotion it's mostly Koala&Hack with Sabo accompanying (hanging out with) them, for the sake of the legend they're keeping. He has to be online most of the time and doesn't really have time to go on missions :( And their legend ties to my hc of Sabo being keen on photography, so they pose as bounty hunters who also lead a travel blog for alibi. They either lay low actually traveling and camping or speedrun the designated area in a couple of hours taking photos, editing them slightly (there is when the acquaintance with Strawhats comes in handy, and they can commission Usopp to edit the sky, lightning, etc. and everyone is happy: Usopp gets pocket money, Nami gets additional income, Koala, Hack and Sabo get more time to prepare for the missions) and putting them on queue.

Their group is small and mostly relies on Koala's hacking skills, swift strikes on WG bases and ships and infiltrating official events and facilities.

[maybeimamuppet]

picking teams- chapter 14: cady

hello everyone!! boo surprise sunday post!! because!! TODAY IS MY THIRD WRITING BIRTHDAY WOOOOOO!

today three years ago i posted my first ever oneshot (i think technically it was on the 4 bc it was late at night but the intention was to be today so i’m sticking with the 3). i can honestly say i was expecting NOBODY to read anything of mine and that this would be something i did for maybe a few months and then dropped like all my other hobbies.

and here we are three years later! so i’d just like to say a huge thank you to everyone who’s supported me through this little journey over the last three years. i feel like i really have a community and a little family here. i appreciate every single pair of eyeballs that has ever laid eyes on a fic of mine, whether you comment and i get to know who you are or you’re just a lurker. whether you’re new or you’ve been here the whole time. thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here for and with me <3

anyhoo! mushy stuff over for now lol please enjoy this chapter :)

tw for

broken bones

and as always if i missed something please let me know so i can add it in!

——————

Cady goes back to school that Wednesday.

Her parents let her have one more day off to recover and finish the homework she had been putting off. Cady's still not feeling 100% after her episode, as Janis put it, but she can't afford to miss any more school. Or cheer practice. She's gotten more than a few threatening texts from Regina.

She runs into Janis briefly going into homeroom, since it's in the same classroom as Janis' first period. She smiles, mostly at the ground, and Janis surreptitiously brushes her hand against Cady's and gently links their fingers together before walking off like nothing happened.

Cady blushes furiously and heads to her seat. She hunches in on herself to scribble something on a piece of notebook paper she rips off and folds up. She's so focused on making sure nobody sees what she's writing that she almost misses Ms. Norbury trying to take attendance.

"Cady. Caaaady. Heron. Hello."

"Wh- oh, uh, here," she stutters. Ms. Norbury arches an eyebrow and ticks her off on her computer. Cady trills her lips and tucks the paper into her pocket.

"Glad to have you back, Cady," she says once the bell rings.

"Thanks! Uh, see you this afternoon!" Cady says, rushing out the door. They already don't have much time to get from class to class, and she has a stop to make this time.

She tries to act like she's just leaning casually against the wall and she doesn't have to be across the building in two minutes. Once she looks around to double check nobody is watching, she carefully slips the note between the slats in Janis' locker and rushes off to her class.

Hopefully she gets it.

—-

Cady looks up from her phone in fright when she hears a murmured, "Hey, sweet thing."

Janis is peeking around the corner of the bleachers, lunch in hand and a confused look on her face. Cady spotted this during a rainy-day indoor practice last week. The bleachers are completely solid, so nobody can see in. "Did anyone follow you? See you?"

"Nobody important," Janis shrugs as she puts her food down. "Whatcha doing?"

Cady sighs in relief upon hearing confirmation that nobody will see them together. She leans in for a kiss and gets a sweet little peck. "I want to have lunch with you! It's like our own little place!"

"That it is," Janis agrees with a chuckle. "How's your day been?"

"Good! I got a hundred on my math test," Cady says happily.

"Of course you did," Janis laughs. "What'd you tell Regina?"

"About what?"

"Where you are," Janis says as she takes a bite of her... probably turkey sandwich. Cady's eyes widen. Shit.

"I... didn't tell her anything," she says quietly.

Janis quirks an eyebrow. "Better come up with something quick."

"Why?"

"She's gonna grill you like a war interrogator," Janis snorts.

Shit. She's right. "Uh... um..."

"Just tell her you skipped lunch," Janis shrugs.

"Skipped it?" Cady asks.

Janis shrugs again. "I dunno. That'd probably work."

"I'll think of something," Cady hums, pursing her lips and taking an exasperated bite out of her celery stick. Janis smiles at her like she's some cute little animal.

"So... any particular reason you're slipping notes into my locker and sneaking around with me behind the bleachers?" Janis says with a smirk as she scoots a little closer to Cady.

Cady groans as she's suddenly reminded why she had done this. "I have to go to Regina's after school. We're having a costume fitting for the holiday parade."

Janis looks at her oddly. "You're in the parade?"

Cady nods eagerly. "Mmhmm! I get to be an acro elf!"

"A what?" Janis giggles.

"I get to dress as an elf and do tumbling and acrobatic stuff next to Santa's float!"

"Oh," Janis says. "Stevie loves that one. I didn't know it was us."

"They choose the best cheer team in the region to do it. Apparently this is the first time in, like, ten years that it's been North Shore," Cady explains.

Janis snorts. "That makes more sense."

"I'm really excited. But I have to spend a lot of time with the Plastics, I won't have as much time free after school," Cady says apologetically.

Janis shrugs. "It's just a parade. Once it's done your schedule will calm down a bit and we can spend more time together again. Not like we're breaking up."

Cady giggles. "I still have my knight in shining armor to come save me from the Plastics if I beckon her."

"Damn right you do," Janis smirks, leaning in for a kiss.

Cady happily leans in too, smiling to herself as their lips touch. She's suddenly very glad she totally ate it at their last practice and spied this hideout behind the bleachers from the ground.

"Might need to save you already," Janis hums as they pull apart, looking Cady up and down with a small grimace.

Cady sheepishly looks down at her bright pink crop top she'd decided to wear today. She tugs at her collar, suddenly self-conscious. "You don't like it?"

"No, no, you look cute," Janis says. Something in her tone tells Cady it's a half-truth at best. Oh well.

“Thanks," she says. Janis takes another bite of her sandwich and sprawls on the hard floor of the gym with her head on Cady's lap.

"Oh, get this- my math class this morning," she says. Cady tunes out almost immediately, stroking some stray hairs away from Janis' forehead and just watching her mouth move. It's probably nothing important. God, she's gorgeous.

What is she going to tell Regina?

I got sick- ew, no.

I had to talk to a teacher- too easy to mess up if she comes from the wrong direction. They'd get suspicious too easily.

I- oh, fuck it, I'll think of something.

She continues munching on her lunch and half-listening to Janis speak. Janis doesn't seem to notice or care one way or the other. Cady smiles and pulls out her phone to check her messages. She thinks of something then.

"And then-"

"Have you... told anyone about us?"

Janis pauses mid-sentence. "No."

"Not even Damian?" Cady asks shyly.

Janis shakes her head. "I kinda still don't believe it myself. I wanted to keep it to myself for a while."

"You don't wanna tell people?" Cady asks with a frown.

"No! No, I do. Some people," Janis says. "I just wanted it to stay between us for a little bit. And I figured I should check with you before I told anyone. But I'd be fine telling a few people now."

"Oh," Cady says.

"Do you want to?" Janis asks, sitting up and brushing her hair out of her face. Cady thinks for a moment before she nods.

"We should probably tell Damian, at least. He'll find out sooner or later anyway."

Janis sighs. "True."

"You don't want to?"

"No, I'm just preparing myself," Janis says, looking at Cady out of the corner of her eye with a small grin. "Might as well get it over with, I guess. C'mere."

Cady frowns in confusion and scoots closer. Janis pulls out her phone, opens the camera, and leans in. Cady catches on and gently rests a hand on Janis' cheek, smiling into a sweet kiss. She can feel Janis smiling too as she hears the camera shutter snap and they break apart. Janis sneaks a quick peck to Cady's nose, making her blink in shock and giggle quietly.

Janis opens her text conversation with Damian and types out a message. Cady hugs her arm and leans in over her shoulder to read it.

snarkisian: hey babe

cupboard: whaaaaaat do you want

snarkisian: Sent a photo: things have developed

Janis' phone starts ringing almost immediately. Janis frowns at it as Damian's contact photo fills the screen and it buzzes in her hand, but she hits the green button and the speaker so they can both hear.

As soon as she does, a piercing shriek rings out from the speakers. It's loud enough that Cady practically feels her brain dislodge and start rattling around in her head. She thinks she might've heard him all the way from the cafeteria, too.

As soon as that happens, he hangs up. Janis and Cady both blink at the screen for a moment before bursting into hysterical laughter.

"I don't know what I was expecting," Janis sighs affectionately as she slips her phone back into her pocket. Cady feels her own buzz against her leg and pulls it out to see several incoming texts from Damian that mainly consist of ABSKEOWIWHWJWJABDHWOWOA.

She clocks the time, then, and jumps. "Oh, shit!"

Janis startles. "What?"

"I have to go, lunch is almost over," Cady says, frantically packing up her things. "Bye babe. See you later."

Janis blinks in surprise, but returns the quick kiss Cady gives her before Cady goes rushing off. She has to find Regina before the bell rings. Not that Regina has ever felt much urge to listen to the bell.

She tries to think of an excuse as she hurries through the halls towards the cafeteria. Nothing really comes to her. She skids to a halt next to some sort of booth when she sees Regina and Aaron standing close to it.

"Hey!" she greets brightly after smoothing down her hair and adjusting her shirt. They both look at her. Aaron quirks his head when he sees what she's wearing, but he gets a faint smile.

Regina checks her nails and says, "Hey. Where have you been?"

"Oh, um..." Cady says. Shit. She wracks her brain trying to think of something. What did Janis say? "I skipped lunch."

Regina cocks an eyebrow. "Why?"

Cady smiles as she puts the pieces together. "I'm... trying to lose weight. So I look more like you guys. I just had one of these diet bars."

"Diet bars?" Regina questions. "Let me see."

Cady happily hands over the whole box of Kälteens. Regina holds it between her hands to try to read. Aaron peeks over her shoulder to try to see too.

"It's all in Norwegian or something," Regina says, looking at Cady in confusion.

"Swedish," Cady corrects before she can stop herself. "There's... um... this ingredient in them that you can't get here yet. My mom used to use them to lose weight in Kenya."

"Hm," Regina nods. "Can I keep these?"

"Sure!" Cady says brightly. She has a feeling Regina would've kept them even if she said no. Works for me.

"Now, are you getting me my candy cane?" Regina hums. Cady frowns in confusion before she realizes she's talking to Aaron.

"What happened to losing weight, those things are pure sugar," Aaron chuckles. Regina brushes his hair off his forehead and runs her fingers through it so it stays out of his face.

"But it's such a nice thing to do for your girlfriend," she pouts. "And stop pulling your hair down, you look so hot with it pushed back. Don't you think so, Cady?"

"Huh? Oh, uh, yeah, way hotter," Cady says. Two months ago that would've made Cady want to go for the jugular. Now? She couldn't care less.

Aaron sighs and begrudgingly leaves his hair the way Regina sort of styled it. "Alright, move over, since you so desperately need this candy cane."

He leans over the booth selling them to fill out one of the paper slips that'll eventually get tied to a candy cane and passed out in class. Cady giggles into her hand when she realizes Damian is the one in the budget Santa Claus costume behind the booth.

"Cady, remember, student parking lot after school," Regina says as she laces her pink-taloned fingers through Aaron's and leads him off to... wherever they're going. Most definitely not class.

"Got it! Bye," she says. She can feel her face relax as soon as they're turned around and can't see her anymore. Cady goes to the booth and leans across it. "Hi Dame."

"Ho ho ho, happy holidays! Would you like a candy cane?" 'Santa' replies. Cady laughs again.

"Hey, does Regina ever send any of these things?" she asks.

"Nah, she only gets them," Damian replies in his normal voice. "You want any?"

"One please," Cady replies, taking a pen with a smirk on her face.

—————

Cady sighs a little to herself as she follows Regina and the others into her house. Gretchen and Karen chat with Regina's mom. Regina huffs and rolls her eyes, straight off to her bedroom. Cady says a quick and polite hello and takes a handful of the offered snacks. She nibbles on the sunflower seeds while she mulls over what to do next.

Regina took the bars. As long as nobody recognizes them, she should be in the clear there. How can she make them work faster? Kälteens do work quickly, but Cady wants results as soon as possible. For Janis.

What makes you gain weight quickly? Cholesterol, but Cady doesn't want to do anything permanent. This is just to teach Regina a lesson, then she can lose the weight again. Sugar? Yeah. Carbs.

Cady smiles to herself as she puts a plan in place.

"Alright, you girls go find Regina. You'll do great," Mrs. George says after however long. Cady jumps when she remembers where she is.

"Thank you, Mrs. George," she calls as she goes running after Gretchen and Karen up to Regina's room.

"You're welcome!" the woman calls after them.

Regina tosses a hanger at her as soon as Cady walks into the room. "Here. I know, the costumes are fugly."

"I think they're kinda cute," Cady says, holding the outfit out so she can see it all.

"The hat has fucking jingle bells on the top, Cady," Regina huffs, handing Cady hers. She shakes it a little bit, and sure enough, there's a quiet jingling. "Go make sure it fits, but we really just need to work on making sure the hat doesn't hit the ground or fall off while you tumble."

"Okay," Cady says. Gretchen and Karen just changed in front of each other, but Cady sneaks off to the en-suite and locks the door behind her. She looks at herself in the mirror and takes a deep breath.

Janis was right, I do look Plastic, she thinks. Cute, though. Her loss.

She carefully takes off her clothes and tugs on the red-and-white striped tights. She has to jump to get the super stretchy material all the way up, but she manages with only one faceplant. Then comes the green dress, with gold buttons down the bodice, short sleeves with puffed shoulders, a belt at her waist, and red and gold trim around the hem with a collar to match.

It's not a great fit. Hesitantly, she unlocks the door and steps back into Regina's room with an, "Um."

Regina looks at her and laughs. "I kinda thought that would happen, these costumes are all huge. I swear they think we're all fat cows or something. My mom will tailor it for you."

Cady looks down at the very strangely fitting dress. There's a lot of space in between her belly and the dress, and not a lot in between it and her boobs. The skirt hits about mid-thigh, which is entirely too long, if Gretchen and Karen's are anything to go by. The sleeves are both uncomfortably tight in her armpits and loose everywhere else.

Other than that, it's great. At least the tights fit.

"Go change again, she'll get your measurements before you leave."

Cady nods and slips gratefully back into the restroom. She snaps a quick picture before she changes and sends it to Janis.

She's stuck with the dress over her head when she hears her phone go off, presumably with Janis' answer. She wriggles more in a ditch attempt to free herself, which gets her nowhere even faster.

Eventually, she escapes, heaving for breath and her hair all frizzy. She peels off the tights and puts on her non-elf clothes. Regina takes the hanger as she passes her on her way into her bathroom while Cady is occupied checking her phone.

jayjay: cutie

cadygirl: You like it?

jayjay: ofc i do

jayjay: my dorky little elf

cadygirl: Hey!

jayjay: do u get ears and shit

cadygirl: Yeah

cadygirl: Regina's really mad about it

jayjay: holy shit that's amazing

jayjay: reginald in elf ears

cadygirl: I don't get it I think they're cute

jayjay: i think ur cute

"Who are you texting?" Karen asks. Cady leaps a solid foot in the air as she materializes over her shoulder. "Not enough emojis."

"Um..." Cady stutters. Her immediate instinct was to blush and press her phone to her chest so they can't see. Now Gretchen and Karen are both looking at her suspiciously. "Uh... my... g- boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?!" Gretchen squeals sharply. "You can't get a boyfriend without telling us!"

"I can't?"

"Not without your best friends' approval! You wouldn't buy a skirt without asking your friends if it looks good on you," Gretchen hums.

"I wouldn't?" Cady replies in confusion.

"Exactly!"

Cady just blinks.

"So who is it?" Karen asks eagerly.

"Oh, you don't know him," Cady says immediately. Because it's not a him. It's not technically a lie. Right?

"He's not, like, thirty, right?" Gretchen asks in concern, the furrow in her brow deepening the longer Cady goes without answering.

"No! No, ew," Cady replies with a grimace. "Uh... he... goes to another school."

"Which one?"

"Um... do you remember that school we played right before Thanksgiving break? The away game when we stayed at the hotel?"

"Roosevelt?" Gretchen asks. Sure.

"Yeah. He goes there," Cady replies. "His name is... Jasin. With... an I."

"Ooh, unique!" Gretchen coos. "Is he cute? You have to introduce us soon!"

"Well, I don't think he's... everyone's type, but I think he's cute," Cady replies sheepishly.

"Aww, you're blushing!" Karen says. Cady blushes harder.

"Shut up," she scoffs. Karen's face falls. "No, wait, I didn't mean it like that-"

"It's okay," Karen says quietly.

"I'm really sorry, Kare," Cady says. Karen gives her a look Cady can't read. Not that Karen is ever easy to read.

"Don't worry about it."

Cady gently squeezes her arm. Karen smiles faintly at her.

"Do you have pictures of him?" Gretchen asks eagerly.

"No," Cady says immediately. "Uh... he's really shy, we don't, like, send pictures of ourselves much. We just like to see each other in person and text and stuff."

"Aww," they both coo. Gretchen continues, "Well, get one soon! We gotta make sure he's hot enough for you."

"I'll try," Cady giggles. "Oh, could we like... not tell Regina right away? It's all new, still, I don't want her to freak out about our image if we break up or whatever. We've only been together for, like, two weeks."

"Our lips are sealed," Gretchen replies immediately.

"But I'm not using SuperGlue as Chapstick again," Karen adds.

"No, that's okay, K, don't do that," Cady says immediately. "Thanks guys."

"Alright sluts, put on these... eugh. I can't even call them hats," Regina says as she parades back into the room. She chucks one at each of them rather aggressively. Cady's ends up hitting her full force in the face when she's too slow to react.

Regina watches as the three of them carefully push all her very expensive furniture out of the way so they have enough room to flip without fear of crashing into anything. Cady asks why they're not just practicing outside, and Regina goes on a solid ten minute rant about being seen in those costumes more than they have to. Cady doesn't speak for the rest of the evening.

—————

"Did Regina's boobs get bigger?" Cady hears the boy behind her in chemistry class ask about two weeks later, apparently as a conversation opener with his equally-jock-douchebag lab partner.

"Dude, totally," jock-douchebag replies. "Aaron's a lucky guy."

"Isn't she still dogging Shane?" bro number one asks. Cady tries to hide a shudder at the mention of his name.

Bro the second shrugs. "Probably."

Dammit, we made her hotter, Cady huffs to herself as she slides her goggles down over her eyes and turns on the bunsen burner. She looks over and sees Janis with a similarly disgruntled look on her face.

She gestures subtly for Cady to focus. Cady snaps back into the real world, this time before she can set herself on fire. She risks one glance back and sees Janis chuckle to herself, biting her lips to stop before anyone can see and ask what she's laughing about. Cady smiles to herself and buckles down to set some Doritos on fire. Not myself, thank you very much.

—————

Cady is laser focused in calculus another two weeks later. Not on calculus, but... she's there, it's fine.

She jumps and bangs her knee against her desk when Santa Claus slams the door open with a bellowed, "HHHHHOOOOO!"

"Jesus Christ," Ms. Norbury sighs, picking up her shattered chalk bits after she dropped it in shock. "Make it quick."

"One candy cane gram for Shane Oman," Damian says, adjusting his very poor quality fake beard as he hands Shane his candy cane.

He holds it between his first and index fingers like a pair of dirty underpants and leaves Shane to snatch it. Damian wipes his hand on his red velvet Santa coat like Shane has some sort of hetero cooties he might catch.

"Four for Glenn Coco!" Damian continues. "Hohoho, you go, Glenn Coco. Two for Caddy Heron!"

Cady frowns in confusion. Two? She only bought one. She takes them with a smile as Damian wiggles his way between the rows to deliver them. "Thanks, D."

Damian winks at her and moves on to deliver the next few candy canes to the lucky recipients.

Cady checks the tags on hers. There's the fake one, the one she wrote herself. She smiles to herself as she reads the little red slip of paper on the second one.

Merry Christmas my little elf

<3, J

ps ur short lolololol

She rolls her eyes as she reads the very loving message from her girlfriend and unwraps the end of the candy cane. She sucks on it as she continues pretending to pay attention when Damian leaves and Ms. Norbury can resume her lesson.

——

"Sorry I'm late!" she pretend-puffs as she stumbles her way into the gym. Regina just glares at her from across the room, but Gretchen comes scrambling over to join her as she plops her still-open bag on the ground. "God, I was in the middle of a problem when the bell rang, I didn't even have time to get packed up-"

"You got a candy cane?" Gretchen asks softly. She picks it up and unfolds the tag to read.

"Oh, yeah, Regina sent me one! Isn't she just the best friend?"

"R-Regina?" Gretchen squeaks. "Thanks for being such a great best friend. ...Cute."

"She didn't give you one?" Cady asks with faux-sympathy. She's heard it from the mouth of the lioness herself. There's no way Gretchen got any.

Gretchen shakes her head frantically. "She never sends them."

"Oh. Weird," Cady replies. "Well, you can have that one if you want. I had another one."

"I have to go," Gretchen chokes around floods of tears. Shit. Maybe Gretchen is a little more fragile than she thought.

"Gretchen," she says pleadingly, running after her friend to the bathroom.

"Well, i-if you and Regina are best friends now... then you can be in charge of keeping all her secrets," Gretchen says as soon as the door closes behind Cady.

Cady just nods. She can tell Gretchen is about to ramble, she doesn't dare interrupt her.

"Like, for example, she bought you those shoes just to make fun of you! Be-because she knew you wouldn't be able to walk in them. And she's not really blonde!"

Cady's eyes widen. She's not? Her eyes flick to the door as she hears a shocked gasp come from the other side. Was that... Damian?

"Her natural color is dark blonde. Also she totally cheats on Aaron!"

Cady almost chokes.

"Every Thursday she says she has a cheer intensive but she totally just stays behind to hook up with Shane Oman in the lion costume!"

"She makes him wear the costume?" Cady asks in disgusted horror.

"No! They're both in the costume!" Gretchen bellows, snapping the candy cane in half and dropping the pieces to the floor. Cady's jaw drops.

"Oh my god."

"And I never told anyone because I am such a good friend! I-I'm gonna go fill up my water bottle. Cover for me?" Gretchen sniffles. Cady nods.

Gretchen ducks out of the room. Damian enters before the door even closes, and Janis slams her way out of the stall. Damian hysterically whimpers, "I wear that costume!"

"Cads, that was amazing! What did you do?!" Janis says with an adorably delighted smile on her face. She rushes up and grabs Cady by the arms, spinning her around before she leans in for a kiss.

"Just a little Christmas magic," Cady responds with a grin of her own as soon as they break apart. "I sent myself a candy cane but I signed it as being from Regina."

"Clever girl," Janis coos in a horrible accent. Cady giggles.

"Okay, I gotta go! Love you guys." Janis gets another kiss and Damian gets a quick hug before Cady runs back to the gym to start their last parade practice.

————-

Cady grumbles as she wakes up the next morning. It's barely morning, the sun hasn't even risen yet. She has to be in the city, an hour away, two hours before the parade starts at 8:00. And she has to be there with her hair and makeup already done.

She does consider herself a morning person, but four in the morning is a bit much for anyone.

She grumbles as she hauls herself out of bed and stumbles to the restroom. She turns on the light and resists the urge to wince and close her eyes. How am I meant to be a jolly elf on five hours of sleep?

Cady opens her eyes extra wide, looking a little past unhinged when she sees herself in the mirror, to let the light in and hopefully wake her up.

By the time she's done brushing her teeth, she doesn't squint in the light anymore. She still grumbles sleepily as she washes her face, though.

She brings up the photo Regina sent (accompanied by many profanities) of what her makeup should look like so she can copy it. It's honestly not very different from her usual cheer makeup. Foundation, lots of gold eyeshadow, black mascara, red lipstick. Pretty much the only difference is the bright pink blush that she leaves in neat little circles on the apples of her cheeks instead of blending it up her cheekbones to look more natural. It's a little more rag doll than elf, but maybe it'll work better with the costume on.

She does her hair in two french braids, parted as close to even as she can get down the middle of her head and twisted intricately so they won't fall out after a morning of being mostly upside-down. She gives up on each braid a bit before the end, and ties the bands around halfway down instead of at the ends. Kind of a cute look, she thinks, as she fluffs out her curls at the end of each braid.

"You ready, binti? Have a Kälteen bar," her mother says when she trudges her way downstairs. Cady grabs the bar and takes a disgruntled bite out of it. She nods.

"You're sure this Regina friend can bring you home? We have to leave right from-"

"Right from the parade, I know, Dad," Cady says. "I quadruple checked, I'll make it home fine. Have fun at the vet conference."

"Oh, we will," her mother promises. "There's a keynote speaker on upgrades in euthanasia technology."

"...Cool," Cady replies.

"Right?! Alright, go get in the car. You sure you have everything?"

"Yeah. Regina has my outfit, I'll get changed there," Cady says. She looks down and brushes some wrinkles out of her Christmas jammies that Janis bought her. She smiles at the memory. My little dork.

"Time to hit the road, then!" her dad says. Cady shrieks as he hoists her off the ground and marches out towards the car.

"Dad!"

Her dad just starts bellowing the chorus to I Love a Parade, probably really irritating their poor neighbors. Cady gets affectionately tossed in the backseat, and her dad continues singing as her parents get into their spots up front and start the drive to Chicago.

————-

"Binti, we're here," her mother says. Cady jumps and snorts, bashing her head against the window she had fallen asleep against. "Ooh, be careful."

"Shit," Cady hisses under her breath, rubbing her new sore spot.

"Language," her dad chides, only half-serious.

"Sorry daddy. Have fun in Peoria. I love you," Cady says, bending at a weird angle to hug her parents goodbye. They can only stay long enough to see the beginning of the parade, so she has to get her goodbyes in now.

"We will. Be safe, have fun. No boys," her mother says, gently patting her back.

"I know, I know. You don't have to worry about that," Cady chuckles. Really. You have no idea.

"Atta girl. Go get em, tiger," her dad says, opening the door for her and sending her out. "Love you!"

"Yeah, love you too," Cady says, briefly walking backwards to talk to them. She gives them a final wave before she turns around and starts running to her team's meeting spot. "Yeesh. I'm sixteen."

Regina, once again, chucks her costume at her as soon as she's within sight. Cady manages to catch it this time, and looks around for somewhere private to change. The only place is behind some trees, so she heads that way.

Regina's mom is a talented seamstress and tailored Cady's costume to fit her perfectly. Almost too perfectly. It's so tight against her chest and her belly that she can barely breathe, and the skirt juuuuust barely passes her bum. The candy cane-esque tights are all she has left to protect her modesty.

The shoes with pointy toes and jingle bells are a recent addition, and she jangles her way back over to her friends. "Hey."

"Hey!" Karen greets, too brightly for six in the morning.

"Are your costumes, like, really tight?" Regina huffs, shifting her arms around to try to stretch the fabric a little. "They were huge, my mom can't have fucked up the tailoring this bad."

"Mine's okay," Cady shrugs. Her hat jingles for emphasis.

"Ugh, I'm gonna go see if she has any safety pins," Regina grumbles. Cady's phone pings as she stomps off through the frost-covered grass.

jayjay: good mornin buttercup

cadygirl: >:|

jayjay: what ?

jayjay: not a good morning??

cadygirl: Sent a picture: It's 6 in the morning and I look like this

cadygirl: And I'm cold >:|

jayjay: aww

jayjay: someone's grumpy

cadygirl: Yeah >:||||

jayjay: steve and i will be there to see you

cadygirl: Yaaaaay 🥰🥰

jayjay: that easy to cheer you up huh

cadygirl: It'd be even easier if you bring me food

jayjay: little conwoman

cadygirl: Whaaaat nooooo

jayjay: i'll take you to breakfast after

jayjay: hobbit

cadygirl: Hey!!

jayjay: not because you're short

jayjay: this time

jayjay: bc they're hungry all the time

cadygirl: Oh

cadygirl: Still v rude of you

jayjay: if i take you to get a happy meal will that make up for it

cadygirl: Yes <333

jayjay: done

jayjay: see you soon peanut

cadygirl: See you soon gorgeous 😘

Cady suddenly feels much warmer as she puts her phone back into her bag. She and Gretchen glue each other's ears on and the whole team does a warmup and stretch routine together. Cady rolls out her wrists and finally smiles as she gets into her spot.

——

The parade is more fun than she was expecting. It's less intense than what she has to do at games, more walkovers and limbers than tucks and punches. She gets a little dizzy, and it's hard not to get run over by the float on the rare occasions she fumbles a landing, but it's still fun. For once, the smile on her face is genuine the whole time.

She waves dorkily when she passes her parents. They both have their phones held up to film and proud smiles beaming across their faces. They wave back just as dorkily before they duck out and are off to their seminar.

Cady doesn't get to do much in the way of the more limber skills anymore. It's fun. She kind of misses doing skills just for fun, for herself. As long as she stays in her spot she can do whatever she wants to. She does all sorts of front walkovers, back walkovers, aerials, the occasional handspring. It's refreshing.

Whenever they come to a stop is when things get interesting. Nobody wants to see a parade stuck in place, so they practiced lots of choreography for that. One of the floats ahead of them gets stuck on a corner, and Cady does a vaulted flip off of Regina's crouched form like a really, really elaborate game of leapfrog. Regina acts like she's dancing with her and whirls her back around so they're in their right spots before they get going again.

Towards the end of the parade, Cady hears a, "Hi Cady!"

She's not supposed to, but she looks over. Stevie is waving eagerly to her, her arm linked with one of her friends. Janis is behind her with a cute grin on her face as she sees Cady in all her elvish glory. Cady wiggles her fingers back in greeting, and kisses the tips of her fingers twice before blowing the kisses in their direction. Janis smiles wider and sneakily blows one back. Stevie just squeals and dances around with her friend. Cady adds a little more flair to her skills than she needs to just for them.

Things stop and start a lot more as the first floats get to the end of the parade route and have to navigate pulling off to the sides of the road or getting where they need to be. Cady and Regina do their series of tricks at least six times. They start adding little bits of flourish to it when it begins to feel boring and repetitive.

Apparently a little too much flourish. Regina does a dramatic turn before she crouches to be Cady's vault.

Cady's already running.

She has no time to stop as Regina's safety pin breaks.

And her costume comes off.

Regina screams and bends down to try to grab it. Cady slips on the fabric and goes head over heels the wrong way. Cameras are already out, pictures and videos being recorded. Apparently more people from North Shore make the trip out to see the parade than they thought.

But Cady can't hear the shutters clicking or the agitated murmuring over the pop her ankle makes as she lands, and the roaring of blood in her ears as a horrific pain radiates up her leg. No, no, no no no nononono.

One of the coaches was walking alongside the float in between them and the crowd to make sure it all went smoothly. She rushes up and helps Regina get herself situated. "You alright, Heron?"

Cady can only sob. My ankle is broken. My ankle is broken and it really hurts. My ankle is broken and I may never be able to tumble again. My ankle-

"Whoa, kid, hey," her coach says. "Can ya walk? Right flank, fall in! You're down a man!"

Cady hops and hobbles her way to the end of the route and sits down on the curb, cradling her ankle and sobbing.

"Are your folks around?"

Cady shakes her head. "Re-Regina's take-taking me home."

Her coach hums and nods. "She ran off. Hope she's okay, too. Dang, kid, that looks gnarly."

That only makes Cady cry harder. What if I just did my last flip?

"I'll uh... go keep an eye out for George," her coach says. She does have the decency to bring Cady her bag. Cady debates texting her parents to let them know, but they're probably already halfway to Peoria. And they were so excited about the keynote, she can't drag them away from that. She'll just have to suck it up.

The pain is... almost bearable. It's not, but she doesn't exactly have much choice. Her sobs slow, and before too long she's just sniffling on the side of the road and holding her sore leg.

She about jumps out of her skin when she hears a, "Caddy!"

"Jesus Christ, Janis! There's people around here!" Cady hisses. Janis' face falls a little.

"Sorry."

"What are you doing here?" Cady asks more gently.

"There's already like, seventy different people sharing videos of you and Regina falling, what the hell happened?"

"I think the Kälteen bars backfired," Cady sniffs, shutting one eye as a wave of pain radiates from her ankle.

Janis frowns. "What do you mean?"

"She's gained so much weight her costume didn't fit," Cady explains through half-grit teeth.

Janis snorts. Cady glares at her. "Sorry."

"She safety pinned it on and it broke and I slipped on the costume," Cady continues. "And I fucked up my landing and I think my ankle is broken."

"Yikes," Janis says in concern.

"She was supposed to take me home," Cady says, trying to stretch out her leg and wincing in pain. Janis winces too.

"Damian and I will take you to the hospital, don't worry about it," Janis says immediately.

"Don't- ow- don't you have Stevie with you?" Cady asks in concern.

"Nah, she wanted to go to her friend's house, I'm free of the child until tonight," Janis replies. "Can I see?"

Cady looks at her hesitantly. Janis looks back. She doesn't push. There are a lot of people around. But Cady needs the comfort of her girlfriend right now. She nods.

Janis carefully eases her stupid jingly boot off her foot, pausing whenever Cady makes a pained noise. By the end Cady has her bottom lip so firmly between her teeth she can taste blood and her eyes screwed shut. It's still not enough to stop a few pained tears slipping out and down her face.

It becomes quickly apparent that Janis has absolutely no idea what she's doing. She gives Cady's foot a gentle, inquisitive poke and pulls back like she's been burned when Cady squeaks in pain. "Sorry."

"It's okay," Cady says, looking at her through squinted eyes and trying to remember how to breathe.

"It's pretty swollen," Janis says in concern. "And bruising already."

Cady sniffs again, looking down at her stupid candy-cane patterned lap. Janis gently tips her chin up.

"It'll be okay, Cads," she murmurs.

"But what if it's not?" Cady hiccups. "What if I never walk on it again? What if I can never do another flip?"

"And what if it's totally fine? What if it turns out to just be a bad sprain and you're back on your feet in a week?" Janis retaliates.

Cady feels her lip tremble. Janis might be right.

But they both know she's not.

"They're coming, hide," Cady says when she hears the cheers coming down the road. Thank god Damian's almost here.

Janis looks at her oddly, sadly, but she obediently ducks behind the tree line to wait for the crowd of people they actually know to clear out.

"Cads! Hey, coach told me you fell, what the hell, babe?!" Damian says as soon as he sees her, sprinting full tilt over to her. "Oh, yikes."

"Is it bad?" Cady asks, feeling tears brimming behind her eyes yet again.

"It's not... great," Damian replies hesitantly. "Can you move it?"

Cady sniffles. "I don't know, I haven't tried."

"Can I?"

Cady nods. Damian carefully braces her ankle with his large, warm hand and gives her foot a gentle wiggle. Several people look in their direction at the noise Cady makes in response.

"Alright, well," Damian says in a voice a solid three octaves higher than normal.

"I'm sorry," Cady sobs.

"Babe, shh," Damian soothes. "I will donate you one of my feet if I have to. We'll go get you patched up and all that, don't worry about it."

"But how will you be a big Broadway star someday if you only have one foot?" Cady giggles wetly.

"I'll manage. Is that Janis peeping at me through the bushes over there?"

"Probably," Cady replies with another giggle. She turns around and sees a familiar pair of blue eyes poked out from behind a gnarled old tree trunk. Janis ducks back behind it when she sees she's been spotted, and Cady smiles. "Yeah. Dork."

Damian smiles too. "She really loves you. Let me text her so she doesn't get picked up for stalking or some shit."

"She does?" Cady sniffles.

"Girl, are you kidding? We haven't had a conversation where you haven't come up at least once since September," Damian says absently as he taps out a message to Janis.

Janis is close enough that they hear her phone ping and her muffled, "Shit!" Cady can't help but laugh.

"Alright, she'll meet us at the car and we'll take you to the hospital."

"Thanks, papa elf," Cady grins. Damian laughs and tosses Cady onto his back to carry her the half-mile back to the parking lot. "These bells are infuriating."

"I think they're fun," Damian replies, a hand over his heart. He wiggles his head to make his hat jingle for emphasis. Cady giggles.

"Thanks for taking me home. I dunno what happened to Regina," Cady says quietly.

"Nobody does, she disappeared after the... incident," Damian replies. Cady frowns.

"Weird."

"I took over on your side so it was still balanced, but apparently she just ran off naked through the woods. Guess you can cross that off your list," Damian says. Cady laughs.

"You make a great elf," she replies. "Your ear keeps poking me, though."

"Sorry," Damian chuckles. "Alright, madam, we have arrived at your chariot."

"'Sup nerds," Janis greets, pushing herself off Damian's mom's car with a small salute.

"Caddy gets front seat privileges, she's broken."

"Ugh!" Janis groans sarcastically. Cady giggles.

"Um, actually... can I sit in the back with you?" she mumbles shyly.

Janis smirks. "We gonna make out?"

Cady rolls her eyes. "Corndog."

"What?!" Damian giggles.

"Is that not right?" Cady replies shyly.

"Did you just call me a corndog?!" Janis cackles.

"Someone tell me what I meant to say!" Cady insists.

Damian barely manages to put her down safely before he almost collapses to the ground in laughter. "Did-did you mean horndog?"

"Yes!" Cady says. "Stop laughing, it's not funny!"

"Yes it is!" Janis chokes through her laughter.

"People are staring, shut up!" Cady hisses. "Stop laughing!"

"Okay, okay," Damian says, wiping tears from his eyes. "Get in, sluts and slurs."

As soon as the doors close, Janis and Damian burst into laughter again. Damian can barely turn the key to start the car, he's laughing so hard. "I didn't mean to say corndog, stop laughing."

"You're so cute," Janis hums, still giggling to herself. "How's the ankle doing?"

"Hurts," Cady sighs.

Janis pouts and pulls Cady into a cuddle. Cady leans into her shoulder with a wince as another burst of pain radiates up her leg. "Poor baby."

—-

After an interesting drive to the nearest urgent care, Janis scoops Cady out and carries her baby-style into the waiting room. The pain is starting to get to Cady again, and she winces and cries quietly as Janis cradles her in her lap.

Luckily, people are so focused on their own injuries or other ailments that two Christmas elves and their art freak barely catch their eye. There's a mother there with a clearly sick little boy snuffling into her shoulder, a duo of frat bros who are clearly drunk and each cradling one arm close to their chest, and an old man in the corner filling out a crossword puzzle from 2011.

"How did your hat survive that whole thing?" Janis asks as Damian plops into the seat next to them with Cady's paperwork.

"I glued it to my head," Cady sniffs. Damian drops his pen in shock.

"You what?!"

"Only in the front, I used clips in the back," Cady replies. Damian sighs and rests his hand on his chest.

"Do not scare me like that," he replies. "Cads, when's your birthday?"

"July thirtieth," Cady says softly.

"Hey, my birthday's in July too!" Damian says. "Twinsies."

Cady can't help but giggle at his desperate attempt to cheer her up. "When's yours?"

"The thirteenth," Damian says.

"Man, I'm still the baby!" Cady huffs. "Miss January over here."

"Not my fault my parents know how to celebrate Easter," Janis shrugs. Cady gasps.

"Janis Sarkisian, we are in public!"

"Whatcha gonna do about it, tiny?" Janis retaliates. "Since we are in public."

"Hmph," Cady grumbles. She cuddles closer into her girlfriend's warm neck.

"You okay?" Janis whispers against her forehead.

"Hurts," Cady whispers back. "Are they gonna see us soon?"

"Probably not," Janis sighs.

Damian goes to hand in her paperwork at the front desk. Beyond that, all they can do is wait.

-

And wait they do. But, eventually, a nurse calls Cady's name and Janis stands to carry her back. Damian follows quickly, running after them through the winding halls.

"Alright, what seems to be the problem?" the nurse says. She does a double take when she sees the elf with one shoe on sitting on the exam table. She snorts a quick laugh but bites her lip to stop herself.

"I think I broke my ankle," Cady says softly. The doctor looks down at her one exposed foot and winces.

"It looks like that might be the case, hon. What happened?" the nurse asks, taking Cady's vitals. "Cross your arm over your chest."

Cady does when she fastens a blood pressure cuff around her wrist. "Um, I was in the parade this morning and I slipped on... something. I fumbled a flip and landed on it weird."

"Did you hear a pop when you landed or was it just a feeling?"

"I heard something pop, and I can't put any weight on it," Cady says anxiously. "And it's a little numb, and kinda... tingly, I guess."

"Mm," the nurse hums. "I'm gonna try and move it a bit, you let me know if anything hurts, alright?" Cady nods and braces as the mere brush of her fingertips against her ankle sends more waves of pain flooding up her whole leg and out her toes. "That hurt?"

"Mmhmm," Cady squeaks.

"Hm," the nurse hums again. "I'm gonna get the doctor to get you an x-ray, alright?

"Thank you," Cady says. She looks down at her lap with a quiet sniffle. She shakes her other foot and humphs at the jingle she gets in response.

"You okay, Peanut?" Janis asks quietly.

"What if it is actually broken?" Cady asks desperately. "I'm the head flyer, broken bones take so long to heal! It'll be weeks before I'm back in, what are they gonna-"

"We have protocols for this kinda thing, Cads, it'll be okay," Damian says. "We get injured all the time. I broke my wrist cheering in middle school and everything was fine. You just gotta take your time to heal."

"But-"

"If it is broken and you try to do anything you could hurt yourself permanently," Janis says. "Repetitive fractures? You have to rest. And we don't know for sure that it's broken yet, it might just be a bad sprain."

Cady sighs and nods. "Thanks for coming with me."

"Anytime, babe," Damian says, gently wrapping an arm around her shoulders and resting his head against hers. Cady blinks as his elf ear almost pokes her in the eye. Janis joins in too, and gets a jingle bell up the nose.

Her little crew gets left behind as Cady hops after the doctor towards the x-ray room. She holds as still as she can on the uncomfortable table and listens to the deafening clunks of the machine as it whirls around her foot. It's so loud she's a little worried it'll explode, but the doctor eventually returns from behind the lead partition and leads her back to her room to wait for the results.

It's a very quick wait.

"Your ankle is broken," the doctor says as soon as she walks into the room.

Cady feels her face crumple, and Janis wraps her in a tight hug as Cady lets out a quiet sob. "It's okay, Peanut, shh."

"It'll heal fine, no surgery needed. We call it a nondisplaced fracture, so none of your bones have actually moved out of where they're meant to be. You just need a cast for a little bit and you should be back to normal."

"So-so I'll still-still be able to-to cheer?"

"Not for six to eight weeks, but yes," the doctor replies with a smile. Janis squeezes her tighter as Cady releases a sob of relief.

"I told you," she murmurs, kissing Cady's cheek. Cady sniffles and leans into her shoulder. She needs Janis right now.

"Technically you broke your leg, the bottom part of your fibula here, and there's a hairline fracture in part of your tibia. But they're not displaced enough for you to need surgery, just a cast and no weight bearing for a good while."

"O-okay," Cady sniffs.

"You might wanna... de-elf yourself before we get the cast on, though. Unless you want to keep those tights for a few weeks."

Cady takes the wheel of possible cast colors and the pajamas Damian hands her from her bag. "These are cute! Where'd they come from?"

"Janis got them for me," Cady says with a sniffle as the doctor leaves and Janis and Damian both turn around to give her some privacy to change.

"Oh, did she now? How very soft of her," Damian hums. Janis shoves him. Damian sticks his tongue out in her general direction, unable to tell quite where she is with his hands firmly over his eyes.

"Shut up," Janis responds.

"Stop fighting, you can turn around now," Cady says once she's back in her comfy pajamas. "Which color cast should I get?"

"What's your favorite color?" Damian asks.

"Yellow," Cady replies.

"The purple is cool too," Janis says, tapping the little swatch of it. Cady nods.

Damian leans in close to see all the options. "I like the green."

"I like green," Cady acknowledges. "The Plastics will kill me if I get anything except pink, though."

"Pfft, who cares about them? Regina did this to you," Janis scoffs.

"Because we made her gain weight," Cady retaliates. "This light pink is cute."

"Do whatever you want, Cupcake."

"Cupcake?" Damian responds immediately, accompanied with a gag.

"Look at this little faaaaace," Janis coos, leaning harder into it and squishing Cady's cheeks rather than trying to fend off her friend. Cady goes along with it too, batting her eyelashes coquettishly at him. "Isn't she just the cutest widdle thing?"

"You two are gonna ruin my life together, aren't you?"

“Mm-hmm!" Cady hums happily, her cheeks still smushed in her girlfriend's hand. Damian rolls his eyes. Janis gives Cady's squished-out lips a kiss before she lets her go and smirks at her friend.

"You're the one who was literally speechless for four hours after we told you we were dating," she responds.

"I was in shock, shut up."

"Because your matchmaking never works?"

Damian huffs. "Whatever, it does."

"Name one time."

"This!" Damian insists, gesturing frantically between the two of them. Janis rolls her eyes.

"Whatever you say, Princess," she replies. Damian smiles.

"Thank you."

The doctor returns towards the tail end of that argument and shoots Cady a confused look. Cady just shrugs a little. She hands back all the cast swatches and goes with the light pink she had liked. She does really like it, and the Plastics won't crucify her for it. Well, they might anyway for what happened at the parade, and for needing a clunky, bulky cast in the first place. But at least this'll show she has decent taste and the ability to match.

Janis and Damian each take and squeeze one of her hands as her bones are painfully squished back where they need to be and wrapped in layers upon layers of fabric. The pink shell finishes the job, and Janis asks the doctor for a Sharpie so she and Damian can be the first to sign it.

"Do it small," Cady insists. Damian shoots her a strange look, but they both sign their names in the smallest letters they can right by her toes. Janis adds a little heart by hers for good measure. "Thanks, guys."

Cady gets fit for a set of crutches. It takes a while and she ends up with kids size ones, but eventually she's clicking slowly across the parking lot and finally on her way home.

"Jan, you wanna come over?" Damian asks. Cady pouts a little. She knows he and Janis are best friends, and that they definitely hang out without her sometimes, but it's not like Damian to ask with Cady right there.

"Nah, I gotta go get Stevie," Janis replies. Damian nods. Cady is confused when they pull into Janis' driveway. She should've been dropped off first. Her house is much further out of the way. "Bye Peanut."

Cady returns the kiss she gives. "Bye, baby."

Damian gags in the front seat. "Bye, dumbass."

"Bye, slut," Janis replies, blowing him a kiss as she climbs out of the car in the most complicated way she can and runs into her house.

Damian puts the car back in gear and keeps driving. Cady is more confused when they pull into his driveway. He turns the car off and gets out, leaving Cady alone in the backseat.

"You coming?" he asks, knocking on her window upon noticing she hasn't moved. Cady jumps.

“You're not taking me home?"

"I am not leaving you alone to navigate that house with one foot. But I'll take you home if you'd rather be there," Damian responds.

Cady shakes her head. "No. No, uh... thanks."

"Of course," Damian replies. "Now come on, cripple, my mom'll make us milkshakes."

"Your mom?" Cady asks with a smile.

"Oh, shit, you haven't met her yet! Uh, be ready for like, a lot of hugs. And she might cry. She's a big empath."

"Okay," Cady giggles. "She sounds great."

"She is," Damian says with a small smile. He unlocks the door and drops their stuff in the small area for shoes and coats and bags. "Ma, I'm home! And I brought Cady!"

Stanley comes running down the hall as soon as she hears the door. Damian protectively stands in front of Cady so the excited pup doesn't knock her over, but Cady smiles and rests her crutches against the wall so she can give the sweet little thing some scritches. "Hi, Stanley! How are you, baby girl?! Oh, yes, hi! I missed you too!"

"Stanley, gentle, Caddy's broken," Damian says. Stanley actually does calm a little bit, sniffing curiously at Cady and wagging her entire rear end instead of jumping on her like she did last time.

"Hey, baby girl!" Damian's mother greets, coming down the hallway in such a blaze of glory that it's immediately apparent where Damian gets his showmanship from. Cady looks up and smiles as she wraps him in a hug.

"Hi Ma," Damian responds, hugging his mom back and handing Cady her crutches again.

"How was the parade?" his mom asks, leading the two of them down the hall. She clocks Cady hobbling after them, then. "Ah."

"Yeah, she broke her ankle," Damian responds.

"At the parade?! Oh, honey!" his mom says immediately, wrapping Cady in such a tight hug she thinks she hears a few of her ribs pop. "You poor thing! Oh, come in, come in, sit down. Damian, help her to the living room, come on now."

"Can we go to my room instead?" Damian asks. His mom rolls her eyes.

"Yes, go ahead. It's on this floor, Cady, don't worry baby."

"Thanks, Ms. Hubbard," Cady replies with a smile. She gets another tight hug and actually has to cough a little when she's released to get her breathing back in a normal rhythm.

"Of course, baby! What kind of milkshakes do y'all want?"

"Oreo?" Damian suggests. Ms. Hubbard looks to Cady, and she nods eagerly. "Please."

"Coming right up."

"Thank you," Cady says as she's off back to the kitchen.

"Don't mention it, baby!" she calls back.

"Your mom is great," Cady says. Damian nods. Cady squeaks in surprise as he hauls her onto his back and starts carrying her down the hall towards his bedroom next to the garage.

"She is."

"She's very comforting," Cady continues. Damian nods again. "I see where you get it from."

"D'aww, thanks," Damian coos. He's actually blushing a little bit, and Cady smiles as he rests her down on his cushy bed. He fusses over her like a worried mother, helping her take her makeup and ears off as Cady looks around his bedroom for the first time. She's been here before for movie nights, but only ever in the basement.

None of the actual drywall is visible; completely plastered over with posters of drag queens and black-and-white photos of old Broadway stars. Cady can barely breathe for Judy Garland and Cher and RuPaul. There's fairy lights of all colors hanging from the crown molding, illuminating and twinkling over a full wall of Playbills in protective clear plastic sleeves. The furniture is a bit plain by comparison, but it all just feels like Damian's spirit has exploded into the room. It's amazing.

"Your room is so cool," Cady says.

"Thanks!"

"You have a lot of Playbills," Cady continues. "Have you actually seen that many shows?"

"God, no," Damian chuckles. "The top row there are the only ones I've seen in person, the rest are from eBay."

"Cool," Cady replies.

"Has Janis taught you about musicals yet?"

Cady shakes her head with a smile. "She said she wouldn't be able to do it justice."

Damian snorts. "Yeah, right. She just doesn't want to sit through them."

"She doesn't like them?"

"She only watches them once a year on my birthday and if I sing a lyric that could even approach being from a musical she'll punch me in the jugular."

"Really?"

Damian nods, fiddling with the mouse to wake up the computer and typing in his pin. "You've brought a lot of her walls down. So... thanks for that."

"I'm glad," Cady replies softly. "She deserves it."

"She does," Damian agrees. He shrugs suddenly. "Anyway, what do you want to watch?"

"You pick. I don't know anything," Cady giggles. Damian nods and opens a folder full of bootlegs. He murmurs the titles under his breath until he lands on a good first musical for her.

"Ooh! Okay, here, you'll love this one. The movie is good too, but the stage production is amazing."

Cady cuddles into his arm and peeks at the file name. She squeals, "Lions?!"

"Lions is an understatement for The Lion King," Damian says. Cady wiggles excitedly as he opens it and makes it full screen. "Can you see?"

"Mmhmm. Thanks, D."

"Anytime, Little Slice."

His mom pops in with their milkshakes a few minutes in and seems completely unphased seeing her son cuddled up with a girl she's known for fifteen minutes. Apparently this is normal for him. "Thank you, Ms. Hubbard."

"You're welcome, sweet girl. Y'all just holler if you need anything, alright? Ooh, Lion King. That's a good one," she replies as she leaves again.

"Cady's from Kenya," Damian explains.

"No shit?" his mom replies, making Cady choke on her milkshake in shock.

"Um, yeah, I just moved here this summer," she says.

"Ain't that something. Alright, have fun, you two."

"Thanks, Ma," Damian says as she shuts the door behind her.

They sip at their tasty milkshakes while they watch. Cady might be in love. She's immediately bopping along to all the musical numbers and oohing and aahing over the special effects.

Damian looks at her expectantly when the curtain call is over.

"That was so cool!" she squeals. "Can we watch it again?"

Damian laughs. "I'm glad you liked it. You like musicals now?"

Cady nods eagerly. "Yeah."

"Good," Damian says with a victorious smirk. He takes a picture of them cuddled up together and sends it to Janis with a caption reading, I win Caddy likes musicals. He gets an eye roll emoji in response and clicks off his phone with a smug grin. "Let's try something else, but we'll come back if you want to after."

"Okaaaaay," Cady huffs jokingly.

They watch about four more, occasionally shifting positions to keep comfy on Damian's plush bed. The milkshakes are long gone, but neither of them care.

"Thanks for taking care of me," Cady murmurs after the last one. Damian gently bumps into her.

"Anytime. Sorry Janis was busy, I know she wanted to be the one to kidnap you."

"No, it's okay," Cady says immediately. "I love her, but she'd be so worried she'd barely let me move. Not that that's bad, she's just... a lot, sometimes."

"You love her, eh?" Damian teases. Cady blushes. "Oh, shit, do you?"

"I mean... we've only been dating for a month," Cady begins hesitantly. "But... I might... already love her, like, a lot."

"D'aaawww, my little gaybies," Damian squeals.

"Shut up," Cady scoffs.

"She loves you too," Damian says matter-of-factly.

Cady looks at him. "She does?"

"I told you earlier. This bitch will not shut up about you. I've never seen her like this. It's kind of freaky," Damian chuckles. "Always, have you seen Caddy's eyes up close? They're such a pretty green. And she's sooooo tiiiiny, she just fits in my arms like a puzzle."

"She did not say that."

"On RuPaul she did."

Cady blinks. "Did I break her?"

"Honestly? Maybe. But I like it. She's annoying sometimes, but this Janis seems... healthier."

"Good," Cady replies.

"You, on the other hand," Damian replies, looking pointedly at her left foot. Cady giggles.

"It's fixed, I'll be okay," she replies.

"You got lucky there, kid. I really thought you were gonna need surgery," Damian says.

"I did too, honestly," Cady admits.

"...And now I think about it, Regina is a little chubbier."

"Right? It totally worked!" Cady squeals. Damian laughs. "Now we just have to get people to stop treating her like the queen bee and get Aaron out of her clutches."

"Godspeed, soldier. Doing the lord's work," Damian says with a salute. Cady giggles. "Do you, like, wanna go home?"

Cady sighs. "I should."

"Bitch, is that what I asked? Do you want to or not?" Damian insists.

"I mean... it's always weird there without my parents," Cady mumbles, fidgeting with her fingers. "But I don't wanna impose."

"Hold on," Damian says. Cady jumps when he turns his head to the side and hollers, "Ma!"

"What?!" his mother yells back.

"Can Cady sleep over?!"

"Her folks okay with it?!"

"Your folks okay with it?" Damian asks Cady in a much, much softer tone. Cady nods in confusion. Damian yells back, "Yeah!"

"Then she's always welcome! Dinner's in half an hour!" his mom replies.

"Thank you!" Cady yells.

"You're welcome, baby!"

"See? Problem solved," Damian says. Cady giggles.

"You're the best, D."

"And don't you forget it."

————-

thank you for reading!!

i have a oneshot coming for y'all on wednesday that i'm very (cautiously) excited about and am working myself to the bone trying to get the next chapter of this and another oneshot done per my usual "schedule" if you can call it that lol.

i apologize for not being more prepared but i spent most of february auditioning for the tour!! so that took a lot of my focus but it's done now and i am back in as full of a swing as i can get lol.

so fingers crossed! and if i don't get it done in time you'll just get three of each with my next round of fics :)

thank you all so much again for being here. i love every little one of you muppets so dearly.

lots of love,

ezzy

[babiebom]

Accidental Prey (II)

A/N: hehhhhh this is not going to be posted until I'm maybe done with two more chapters? Idk bc i have so many other wips and I cannot finish them all at once pls. Also the time in which this is all happening is kept vague. So it's not canon time, but it's also not recent? I would like to think its like 70s- early 2000s? I obviously wasn't around for all of that so hopefully keeping it vague will work in my favor

tw:kidnapping, assault, cursing, cannibalism, talks of murder, blood, gore, self harm, pregnancy racism/racial slurs, physical and verbal abuse.

Wc:5.3k

Previous Next Masterlist

The Texas sun shines high above, casting the heat down onto everyone and everything that exists below it. In the middle of summer, the sun was more like a death ray instead of a warming beam, burning everything that is so unfortunate to be caught under its rays. Now, basking in her freedom, Fawn couldn't care less about her skin burning. She only had a few more weeks to go until she starts showing and her parents lock her away until the baby arrives.

Her parents had graciously allowed her to go on a drive, stating that there was no way she could get herself into any more trouble than she already had. With the sun kissing her skin, and the sun whipping her hair around, she had no worries in her mind.

Okay maybe one worry.

A lone man walked down the long, empty expanse that was the road she happened to be taking. He looked as if he was suffering, panting and dragging his feet. Frowning, Fawn slows down her car, coming to a crawl next to the man. His green shirt stuck to his body, damp with sweat, the same as his long stringy black hair that was plastered to his forehead. Grimacing, she rolled down the window, leaning over so he would be able to hear her.

"Sir?"

His head whipped around quickly, his eyes squinting at her from how bright the sun was. She offered a smile when he didn't say anything, waiting for him to step closer to the car before she said anything else.

"Want a ride?" The man smiled widely, opening the car door quickly, getting into the vehicle in the most awkward way she's ever seen. As soon as he slams the door shut, she begins driving again.

The ride is silent for a second, nothing but the road in front of them. The man was giggling to himself, rummaging around in the little bag made of fur hanging around his neck. Glancing at him, she frowns and hopes that the grease in his hair doesn't stain her seats. "So where to?"

"Can ya drop me off at the gas station? My brothers work there! It won't take long."

"Sure…" the man was still poking around in his bag, and it made Fawn very uncomfortable. Maybe she shouldn't have picked up this hitchhiker, girls have been going missing lately. "Say, what's that you got there?" She hoped making conversation would ease the fear and anxiety brewing in her belly.

"Pictures! Wanna see?"

"Not right now, I'm driving. Maybe later when I drop you off?" She looks over at him and flashes a smile, hoping that she hadn't pissed him off or something. He seemed not all sane, constantly squirming and giggling to himself.

"Yeah! I like to take pictures! My sister got me a camera, she says the pictures I take are pretty. I got a red room in my bedroom!" He laughs at his own words and keeps talking about all his pictures. Fawn tunes him out, his rambling reminding her of the woman she had met in the store a few weeks prior. At least she was going to be able to get out of the conversation when she drops him off. People in the countryside sure are weird.

After a while, she realizes he didn't tell her which gas station, and the sun was on its way towards setting. The second she opens her mouth to speak to him, she glances over and screams in shock. The man had whipped out a straight razor, and was laughing while pressing it into the hand of his skin. "Oh my-" her voice waivers as she contemplates pulling over. But still there was nothing really in front of them, and she didn't want to abandon him on the side of the road. No matter how insane he had to be, she would still feel bad.

So with the fear growing and clawing its way up her throat she begins to drive faster, ignoring the speed limit in order to limit her time left with the man. Looking over again for a second, she sees him smear the blood on the inside of her car door. She gags, swallowing repeatedly as a lone building on the side of the road comes into view. "I-is this the gas station?"

The man looked up from his mess and nodded quickly. Fawn lets out a shaky breath, thankful that the man would be away from her as soon as she could get him out. In the silence, and in her focus she doesn't even see him shuffling. As the car gets nearer to the gas station, which was looking more and more run down now that she gets closer to it, her focus only allows her to see the distance between her and the building.

A couple feet away the man lunges at her, causing her to jerk the wheel and send the car spinning. No one stood outside of the building, and thankfully there were no other cars on the road. The world spins around her, making her nauseous as she attempts to get the car under control. With the added stress of her screaming and his taunting laughs, Fawn wants to give up on getting the car under control and instead tear her hair out. What the fuck was wrong with this dude?

A couple feet away from the building, she gets the car to stop spinning, immediately putting it in park so she can properly kick the guy out. Regrettably, it seems the man has other plans, he slashes at her arm making a shallow wound that bleeds more than she thought it would. Screaming, she swings at the man who swings with his razor at her. Feeling trapped she frantically gets out of the car, ripping her seatbelt off as she attempts to escape. She's now angry at herself for taking pity on the man.

Running around to the other side, she rips the door open, grabbing the man by his hair and yanking him out of the seat, grateful that the prick hadn't bothered to put his own seat belt on. His knees scrape against the ground as he swings at her, but she keeps dragging until he's in the middle of the road, delivering a swift kick to his side as she sprints back towards her car.

Not noticing the people coming out to see the commotion at the gas station, she opens the driver's seat door, falling into the car, trying unsuccessfully to put it into drive. The blood everywhere made everything slippery, and now with the adrenaline rushing through her veins, her hands were too shaky to grab ahold of anything. She begged herself to get it together as she fumbled with the stick, crying. It never occurred to her that she needed to press on the break to get the stick to move. The man was up now, and racing towards her. She closed the passenger side door quickly, stretching her body to the limit to reach the door before him.

Thankfully she was somewhat safe, being able to lock all of the doors, keeping the man and his violence out in the street. Of course he could break the windows, but she doubted he would after seeing him stand dumbly outside the passenger side door after being unable to open it. He kicked at the car for a second before taking off towards the gas station, where another man waited for him.

Fawn wondered just how much the man had seen of that little fight. Putting the car into drive, now calmer than she was now that she was safe, she speeds off away from the gas station and away from the man, she was never going to pick up a random again that was for sure.

"What in the hell was that?"

Drayton was pissed.

He had seen that little negro girl drag Nubbins out into the middle of the street. Was he dumb or something? Well, Drayton already knew the answer to that, knew it from the moment the stupid boy was born, he just couldn't believe he would be this dumb. The second Nubbins stepped under the roof of the gas station, Drayton took his broom stick handle to his head. The boy had to learn somehow.

"Are you trying to get us caught, you idiot?"

Nubbins tried to shield himself with his scraped up arms. This only served to make Drayton angrier, the boy deserved to be punished for his absolute stupidity. His actions would only get them caught, especially bringing people back to the gas station. He was trying to run a business, not be caught by police. It was enough that Johnny was going around and killing people left and right, now he had one more person to watch, their every move now a point of his growing concern.

Sighing, Drayton goes back into the gas station, still a couple of hours until he could close for the night and head back home. On the way they had to look for the girl, luckily for them she had gone in the direction of their homes, and past that was absolutely nothing for miles. Hoping that God would be on his side, he prays that she doesn't get too far, his back hurts and he's getting too old to drag people back to have for dinner.

Out of nowhere Nubbins starts mumbling, glaring at Drayton so obviously that it makes the older man's blood boil; why did he have to be stuck taking care of the mistakes his parents left behind? He didn't even want siblings, he was fully content being the youngest and then his parents had to go popping out disappointment after disappointment. Then they die. Drayton did miss his momma, but he still hated her for cursing him with the burden of taking care of his younger siblings. Because of that (and grandpa's hatred of outside relations) he had never had kids himself, a decision that was only supported day by day living with the fools he calls a family.

"Oh what do you know? You're nothing but a cook!"

Spinning around on his heel, Drayton glares at his younger brother, wishing that he would go up in flames. He just had to make a dig at him and make things worse. With a frown, Drayton swings at him, beating him over the head with his fists. Though the old man wasn't as strong as he used to be, his 50s not really being all that kind to him, he still knew how to make his hits hurt. Nubbins doesn't stand a chance against his older brother, so he takes off and runs away, taking a shortcut home to avoid getting beaten anymore.

With a sigh, Drayton re-enters the building, having chased Nubbins down the road. His back ached even more now, and glancing at the clock he had exactly 3 more hours to go, though he doubted anyone would come by during that time. Hell, Nubbins could've at least let the girl buy something before he attacked her. With a grunt he returns to his spot behind the counter, sitting in the uncomfortable folding chair, hoping the time goes by faster.

God he hopes they find that girl.

It has been weeks since Johnny had last seen the girl, but he couldn’t really get her out of his mind. Sissy was sort of annoyed with him, for allowing the girl to get away. They had to get a whole new person for dinner when in her words they had the perfect person right there. Though, she changed her tune after a minute saying she thought the girl was sweet so maybe it was a good thing they didn't kill her.

Now, working on the farm, he still thought about her. It wasn't love in any way, shape, or form; it was more like an obsession. Johnny wasn't sitting there, daydreaming about the girl and their future together, no. He was dragging around craps while silently fuming that she didn't recognize him one bit. Of course he didn't really want her to stand there and declare him the man that took her virginity, but in his mind it would be nice to be recognized. He deserved to be recognized. Because he recognized her, immediately knew her voice and face even if it wasn't blurred by being tipsy, even if her speech wasn't slurred by her drunkenness. He knew. He would recognize his little mouse anywhere.

That's right, his little mouse. He had her first, claimed her before anyone else could. Even if she didn't remember it, he practically owned her, painted her insides with his own seed just to prove it. And she didn't even know it, she was just going to go about life not even realizing that he is the reason she is still alive, him alone.

Slamming the barrel down, he forces the thought of her out of his head, he wouldn't see her again, he knew that much. So he didn't need to be thinking about her as much as he is.

The arrival of his older brothers quickly makes his thoughts disappear, the men dragging a woman from the truck with two different emotions, that Johnny just knew meant that Nubbins had almost gotten the family into trouble…again.

The woman they dragged was small, her head bobbing with their movement, her eyes closed. The sun was already low over the horizon, which meant he couldn't see well from how far away the lights were from them. The closer they got, the more annoyed he grew when he realized this meant that he would have to carry the body downstairs, Bubba was already busy down there cutting up the latest victim they had. Which meant that they had more meat than they needed. Meat spoiled quickly, even in the freezers because the Texas heat meant that sometimes the power went out for random amounts of time. He frowned thinking about the smell of rotting flesh. It was not one that he was fond of.

"What the fuck?" Johnny questions his older brothers as the girl they were bringing inside was the very one he had thought he would never see again, the very girl he wanted to get out of his head. He was almost mad that she had managed to get caught by these two, all she had to do was stay away. And he was mad at the fact that they had killed her, or knocked her out rather seeing as she was still breathing.

"What?" Drayton asked, allowing the girl to drop onto the porch, not wanting to carry her any longer.

"What's she doin' here?" It was bad to get upset about a girl that he isn't even supposed to know, he knows, but he felt like his territory was being invaded by how they were treating her. If she was being manhandled and knocked out he would be the one to do it. No one else.

"This idiot had to go and attack her. And the broad luckily got stuck on the side of the road-wait what do you mean she?"

Johnny sucked in a breath, glaring at Drayton in annoyance. Of course he didn't miss how he asked, anyone with half a brain wouldn't miss how he asked. Nubbins looked pleased with himself, and it only made Johnny angrier. He tried so hard, well not that hard because how hard could staying away from this place be? But he tried to keep her away from his home, his family, and refused to even bring her near. He didn't care about the girl, not really. She just was too pathetic to be seen as proper prey, and he had taken away her virginity in a drunken one night stand. He felt like he owed her. Yes he killed people, but he wasn't disrespectful…okay he is but sometimes he isn't and that counts for something. "Well, we're not killing her."

The old man in front of him glared right back, Johnny immediately knew there was going to be a problem. There were a lot of things his older brother was, but someone that backs down isn't one of them. "And why the hell not?"

For a second Johnny couldn't think of any real answer. He couldn't just tell the truth, it wouldn't be a good enough reason, and the girl would be killed on the spot. Drayton hated relationships, the man hated love, and making it, and having babies; it was so bad that sometimes Johnny thought that Drayton wanted to end their side of the Sawyer line with them. Saying he spared her after fucking her in a motel room because of how he viewed her would just put her in the same place Maria ended up, and he never even got that far with her.

"I wanna keep 'er as a pet."

"What?"

"Ha ha! Johnny has a little girlfriend!"

Johnny punched Nubbins hard in the gut, glaring at him as he now stood over the doubled over man. "Shut your mouth you idiot," moving back he looks back up at Drayton who was staring at him with that same suspicious look in his eyes, "and yeah. I wanna keep 'er as a pet. Been stalking 'er since we met at…a bar somewhere in town."

"You wanna keep her as a pet?" Drayton lets out a laugh, his head falling back as he opens his mouth wide. "Just like you wanted to keep that Mexican girl? Now you wanna keep this coon?"

Blinking twice Johnny had to keep his temper under control. He wanted to convince, and manipulate if he had to. He was used to the constant racism, Drayton was always cursing and using slurs when he got particularly worked up, he just hated being questioned. "Man, I didn't know you had a fetish for colored girls!" Drayton continued to laugh, copied by Nubbins who had recovered from his gut punch.

Rolling his eyes, Johnny steps closer towards the girl. "Whatever, I'm gonna-"

The girl moved, causing everyone to look down at her. She mumbled something as she attempted to sit up, looking at them with the most fearful look in her eyes. At this point most people would start screaming for help, fighting, or running. Survival responses and all that. The girl just sat there, looking between the men standing above her, her eyes filling up with tears.

The second she moves, all three men flinch, getting ready to catch her if she tries to take off. Instead she moves to sit on her knees, hands wrapping around herself.

"Please!" She trembled as she sat there. "Don't kill me!"

The road in front of her was deserted, and while Fawn was grateful that she had gotten away from that creep, but now as the sun set in front of her, she was terrified at what was to come. She only had so much gas, and though turning around was the best option, she didn't even know if she would actually make it anywhere. And turning around meant that she could run out of gas at that station, and she really didn't want to risk that.

It took all of five more minutes. Before the loud chugging filled her ears, she could feel her car basically crawling along. Groaning, she pulls the car over to the side of the road, wanting to at least be safe until she could get some help. Maybe by the morning a trucker or something would see that she needs help.

Annoyed, she gets out of her car for a second, staring down the empty road. What were the chances of that? Her heart raced with the fear that she was possibly stuck here with no way to contact anyone let alone her parents. Walking the whole way back to find any sort of civilization would take days and as a black person stuck in the country it would probably just get her killed.

Kicking the wheel in a fit of anger, she gets back in the car, slamming the door hard; any type of game plan at this point meant absolutely nothing, doing anything especially now that she was nauseous was impossible.

After sitting still for an hour, and by sitting still Fawn actually was very antsy and considered sleeping, but ended up being too worked up ; she could see the bright lights of a vehicle coming towards her. But all she could feel in her gut was dread. It was almost night time, as a lone car was dangerous, she didn't even know if they would help, but even if they wanted to, she wasn't so sure she would take it. Unless they offered to get gas.

The car slowed as it neared her, and as the lights passed her eyes she could see that it was a truck instead, the bed covered with a tarp. She couldn't see who was inside, and as they pulled over in front of her, she felt as if she was going to be harassed by a weirdo.

The door to the truck opened and shut, and in response she closed her eyes, trying to stay calm. It was hard to be sure if it was instincts telling her that danger was near or if it was her pregnancy hormones making her paranoid. Either way, she would need to be calm in order to make it out safely.

With her eyes closed it was like her other senses heightened. Or maybe it was the paranoia. Either way she could hear each crunch of the dirt and gravel under the shoes of what she assumed to be a man, men always walked much heavier than women. Like they wanted to be seen and heard no matter what; like each step was purposeful even if they were unsure and without direction. The only reason she opened her eyes to look was because of the knock at the window.

Turning her head, she locks eyes with an older man through the glass. A chill runs down her spine, but looking at his age, she takes a chance and rolls down the window a bit; believing that if he got too worked up she would be able to overpower him. At least long enough to take his truck and book it towards the nearest police station.

"Yes?"

The man gave her a smile, looking behind her into her car for a second before speaking. She immediately felt uncomfortable, the man was old and that didn't take away from his creep factor. "Having car troubles?"

"Uhh, yeah. I ran out of gas…" Fawn laughs awkwardly, averting her eyes to where his truck sat feet in front of her.

"Oh! That's not good," the man looks up and down the road before looking back at Fawn, "do you need a ride?"

"Um…not a ride, but I can spare some money if you can get me gas?"

The man shook his head, letting out a little chuckle that has the hair on her arms standing up. "I don't think any gas stations would be open right now…at least none close by. I can give you a ride to somewhere safe, like the police station until you can get someone to get it in the morning."

"Um, no thanks. I'll just wait here until morning. Thanks though."

In a second, everything changed. Fawn didn't even realize where everything was headed, and if she did her brain just didn't work fast enough for her to process. His arm forced itself through the window, and for a quick second she let him before letting out a scream.

Obviously there was no one around, no one that could save her, and still she screamed helplessly, frantically trying to roll the window back up, her arms burning from how quickly she was moving them. The man screamed out as she squished his arm in the window, calling out for someone to help him as she scrambled through the passenger side door.

Falling out of the car and onto her butt, Fawn cried as she struggled to stand, her mind moving too fast for her body to keep up with, even with all the adrenaline coursing through her veins. Slipping, she takes off the way she came, away from the man and his helper and back towards the gas station. There had to be a payphone somewhere around it, gas stations almost always had them.

She could hear the man screaming behind her. His pain increased for just a moment before she heard "just go get the girl". Her feet moved faster even though she knew eventually she would be caught. The footsteps behind her sends her into a panic, her legs begging her to give up so they could give out. It sounded like a dog was chasing after her, a clumsy dog that is. She could hear the way the gravel slid under his shoes and looking back she was horrified to see that the very man that she was running for hours earlier was once again chasing her. The man in the green shirt was gaining on her, his longer limbs able to shorten the distance between them easily. Letting out a sob she turned forward again, running with a new burst of energy at least to save the child within her.

There was a sort of burst of rage as well, she deeply disliked the man that got her into this situation, and she wondered while she ran why he had something against her. She wanted to beat him into a bloody pulp but knew that she didn’t have the confidence nor the strength to. His laughter behind her made her want to vomit from how close it was, but she didn’t want to turn around and look to see just how much distance he had managed to close. What was wrong with these people?

Fawn cried out in pain as the man tackled her to the ground, both of them falling hard. The gravel dug into her skin, the man slicing her again with his razor. Terrified she swung and scratched at him as if she were a cat trying to not be caught by animal control. The man cried out as her nails made contact with his skin, screaming in pain from how much the scratches burned. She hoped that even if she died she made at least a little scar on him as payback. The two rolled around on the ground, hitting each other and screaming, it would’ve been comical if the situation was anything other than life or death.

Fawn was so focused on causing as much damage as she could on the green shirt man that she didn’t notice the sound of rapid footsteps approaching. Yelping, her scalp burns as she is pulled by her hair, causing her hands to stop hitting and instead grab at her hair to lessen the pain. She still kicked at the man that was now trying to stand, she was still angry at him, but now she had the old man to worry about. She struggled against him as he forced a cloth to her face, whatever it was drenched in made her lungs burn as if she were set on fire, frantically she tried to turn her face any way she could get her neck to bend, not wanting anymore of whatever it was to go into her body. If she lives it could not be good for the baby.

Unfortunately luck refused to be on her side and the man got a good grip on her, trying to soothe her into passing out, the green shirt man moved around in front of her laughing and babbling in a way that made her want to kick him in the jaw. The fire within her was extinguished however, as her vision became blurry and faded.

The girl was silent except for her sniffling as they led her down into the basement, covering her eyes with an old potato bag they had lying around and holding her arms as if she were a prisoner and they were the police taking her into jail. Walking her down into the basement, Johnny couldn’t help but sigh at the sight of her. Was she incapable of not getting herself into less than ideal situations? This is exactly why she couldn’t be prey in the first place, there was no fun in it, the girl was weak and even weaker minded, at least in his opinion.

The girl stumbled over her feet, basically being dragged instead of actually walking. She seemed even smaller, frailer than she looked before, than how she looked the last time he had seen her at the grocery store. Forcing her down, she didn’t fight at all against him or Nubbins, allowing the two men to manhandle her down into a sitting position on a dirty old mattress. It wasn’t hard at all to tie her up, even when they snatched the potato bag off of her head, she didn’t move other than to glare at Nubbins and to wipe her nose and eyes.

Kneeling down, Johnny forces the girl to look into his eyes. She stared at him for a second, fear taking over every feature in her face, she looked like a wounded animal, her eyes watery and big staring at him with no other emotion other than terror. It made his heart beat a little faster, he was amused with how terrified she was, with how easily she was at his mercy. Yet again, killing her or scaring her more didn’t seem like it was going to give him any pleasure, she wouldn’t react in any way that would make it fun, judging by how she sat in front of him now she would just cry and scream no matter what he does. Every person they kill screams and cries, most try to beg at least, some try to fight back, even less give them much of a fight that is fun or even challenging. She wouldn’t do anything at all, and he wondered how difficult it had to be for them to even get her here.

Her eyes flickered for a second, making his heart race again, and instead of fear she sat up straighter, her eyes widening the longer she was forced to stare at him. ‘Oh…’ he thought for a second, feeling giddy at the thought of her recognizing him. “It’s you…” her voice was hoarse, shaky as she spoke. Johnny shuffled around, moving his face closer to hers causing her to move back, he could almost hear how quickly her heart was beating, and he could hear how quickly she was breathing. He couldn’t stop himself from quirking up an eyebrow, intimidating her without even meaning or thinking to. “From the store…I remember!”

And just like that his amusement dies. For a second he thought she remembered him from the first time they met, from when he had claimed her as his. But unfortunately she didn't. She thought the first time they met was at the store, when Sissy talked her ear off about absolute nonsense, when they hadn’t really interacted or anything. It annoyed him a bit, he wanted her to remember, he wanted her to realize that she had somehow come back to him. Frowning he moves back away from her, not letting her break eye contact. Standing, he follows Nubbins out of the metal door that trapped her in the basement, making a show of locking it and staring at her through the gate. She whimpers for a second, moving around, eyes locking onto everything within eyesight. Johnny stared at her, watching as the panic started taking over her. Smirking he slowly walks up the stairs, listening as she shouts after him to wait and not leave.

He would get her to need him, he had to. Otherwise she would be dinner.

[lover-of-mine]

Your last post is funny bc just TODAY I watched that season finally. I’m literally 2 episodes into season 5 right now. As someone who just watched that for the first time (and hadn’t noticed it WAS the season finally when I started watching it) I was losing my goddamn MIND watching those episodes. Just constantly 😯😯😯. I began watching 911 when I started seeing posts circulating about Buck being bi. At the time I had no idea who he was other than the occasional gif set but it made me intrigued and I have been HOOKED. Literally trying to get through as many episodes as possible so I can watch the episodes live. Questions for you (since I have no one else to talk to about the show); when did you start watching? Have you had any predictions while watching the show that didn’t/ did come true? Like for me when I watched season 1 and Abby went to the fire department for the first time I SWORE up and down that her and Bobby were meant to be endgame (was clearly wrong lol). But also after Chris got stuck in the Tsunami I called it that something would happy to Harry later on (just a feeling that no one was safe lol, not even the kids). I’m just so curious to see what the fandom theories have been over time lol since I missed out on it!

Yeah, no, watching suspicion/survivors for the first time is WILD. Like, imma be honest and bit oversharing, I watched the show for the first time in a depressive episode, so I watched everything up to 5x10 in like, 6 days according to the posts I made on Tumblr about it, so I didn't realize theorize about anything, I was just hitting next episode like my life depended on it. But I didn't know anything about the show, like, at all, I had just watched 911 lone star in a weekend because it was on the tv and there were only like, 20 episodes of it out it at the time and a network in my country was just showing all of them on a loop, and I opened the Disney app fully intending to rewatch grey's anatomy, and 911 was the first show on my recommended to you list, and I had liked lone star enough, and was like sure why not. And I legit couldn't stop watching. All of this happened the week before 5x11 aired on the us, so 5x11 was the first episode I watched like "live" (the first episode I actually watched live was 5x16) but I watched it in the same week, I think I finished on a Tuesday? And the episode aired on Monday. I can't really give you any theories I have witnessed so far because they would be spoilers tho, but if you wanna come back once you catch up we can talk about some of the madness that goes around here. But I had the same thing happen to me, I didn't realize it was the season finale, and I didn't know anything about the show, so I had no idea what was happening, and I thought I had learned my lesson with the tsunami arc, because I watched 3x01 at like 3 am fully saying this is the last episode I will watch and then I'm gonna go to bed, and then the tsunami hit, and I was like well fuck and then Chris fell in the water and next thing I know is 5 am and Eddie is making me cry at the end there. But I saw the 13 and didn't realize the season only had 14 episodes and then everything kept happening. I seriously cannot imagine what it was like to be forced to wait a week between those 2 episodes it was SO CRAZY. When Eddie got shot I legit froze. Watching that for the first time not knowing it's coming is SOMETHING. I do remember thinking that they were gonna kill Shannon but I didn't expect to be right, I also remember clocking that Jason was Doug pretty fast. Something funny tho, I remember posting that meme that's like "I've had blank for 1 day and a half but if anything happened to him I'd kill everyone in this room and myself" with Buck and I waited until I had been watching for a day and a half, that means I posted it while watching the season 2 finale. I hit post and the truck blew up and I legit went like ????????? and that is still the most ironic thing that ever happened to me while posting about 911 kspskspkspakapkapa (here's the post, I actually came back to edit the tags because I was in shock lol) and I laugh every time I remember that lol but I'm glad you're enjoying the show, you can come back to talk to me about it any time!;

[the-pjo-analyst]

The Lightning Thief Summary

Here I was thinking I'd finish editing this today and still have plenty of time before the show airs and then they release the episodes early sjkdfhsdkfh

Anyway over a year later and it's done! Thank you for everyone who's been patient with my posts despite taking so long to finish. I'll put a pause on my book analyses so I can focus on reading the Trials of Apollo (I never finished the series,,,,,) so I can finally read all the new content we got this year! Maybe I'll make live posts as I read 👀 I kinda want to make posts about the tv show when it airs too.... we'll see :D

Until then, here's a summary of the first book:

Themes

The concept of home In terms of a physical place, Camp Half-Blood is the biggest example of this, as a sanctuary for demigods who struggle to survive and fit in in the regular world. I find it interesting how in every book something threatens the existence of CHB as a safe place. In this case it's something small, the hellhound that Luke brought in. Luke even says he did it so Chiron would believe camp wasn't safe and send Percy off on a quest. Each threat progressively gets worse, which forces the demigods to go on quests to either directly or indirectly save/help their home. There's also people as a place to call home, like how Sally is to Percy. Funny enough the motif of demigods going on quests to protect their home also applies to here because Percy doesn't accept his quest to save CHB, he does it to save his mom, the only person at that point he felt at home with. Because brain is hardwired to think about percabeth all the time I'll put this out in the open: Percy and Annabeth stand on opposite ends of the "what is home" spectrum at the beginning, Percy's being a person and Annabeth's being a place, and then they kinda switch with Percy finding a home at CHB and Annabeth learning to call her mortal family home. But haha psyche it's actually them growing to call each other home. Like when Percy is on the fence whether to stay at camp for the year or not, a major reason he decides against it is bc Annabeth won't be there. And then Annabeth would never have considered living with her dad again is Percy didn't encourage her.

Supporting others and having support from loved ones This pops up a lot in the book and it's an important driving force for a lot of the characters: Percy having a loving mother, the trio having each other's backs throughout their quest, the trio supporting each other's goals, even Poseidon watching over Percy. When they're at their lowest, when they think about giving up, they all had someone who picked them back up, someone who eased the pain a little, and that helped them keep going and lift them up. On the topic of Percy vs Luke, this is a major point that distinguishes the two as heroes. Percy has a support system that he can fall back to when he makes mistakes or bad things happen to him while Luke doesn't, not really. Although it's hard to tell from Percy's pov whether Luke had any close friends or not, it doesn't seem like he had anyone to confide in (at least after Thalia). He's left to stew in his negative emotions, another reason why he was so easy to be manipulated.

Identity Maybe too early to really talk about this, but the first book introduces this idea of how characters identify themselves, and especially who they identify with. Demigods being categorized demigods by their godly parent and also them choosing whether to identify by that or not. On the flip side, demigods feeling lost or not seen when they either aren't claimed or don't have a cabin to truly call theirs. There's also Annabeth who practically grew up in this system and internalized it, and came to find there's more to the world than just who your godly parent is. And Percy on the opposite side again lmao, who considers himself Sally Jackson's son first and foremost, and then learns to accept Poseidon in his life in whatever form it entails.

Worship of the gods and broken systems Probably the most important theme to the plot line of the series. I talked a lot about this in terms of Percy vs Luke for my ch 21 and 22 posts, essentially how demigods' over-reliance on the gods breeds a flawed and defective system. A subtheme for this is the gods and responsibility: who gets blamed for the actions of the gods? are the gods obligated to claim and acknowledge their children? I think what makes Percy the perfect Child of the Prophecy is that he has never relied on the gods as omniscient and almighty beings to give him what he needs, he instead relies on his own power, and that allows him to work with the gods to create change in future books. He never had a moment where he worshiped the gods and also never had a moment of disillusionment bc he was immediately thrust into a situation that revealed out broken the system was as soon as he was brought into the world of immortals. He sees the gods and their world as they are, both the good and the bad.

Characters

Percy: I'll just summarize his core qualities since I talk too much about this kid 😂: Percy is strong-minded and doesn’t back down easily, he has high integrity, he’s incredibly loyal to his friends and stands up for them, he heavily relies on his instincts and is impulsive, he's also very street-smart! he's impertinent lol and doesn't take well to authority if he feels it isn’t deserving or fair, he loves loves loves his mom, he always fights to protect, he has an incredibly low self-esteem and desires others to see beyond the trouble that follows him, he doesn't like "bothering" people with his problems. His sass and spite probably formed as a defense mechanism against his low self-esteem and the abusive environment he grew up in. It's interesting reading the book while fully looking at Percy's characteristics in terms of how growing up with Gabe affected him. For example, if he had a stable home, would his self esteem be as low as it is?

This pops up at the end and becomes hugely important in the later books, but Percy tends to take on responsibilities way too personally and they tend to become fixations. After Luke's betrayal, Percy is like I have to go find him and I can't just sit around while Luke is planning to destroy the world. He's like,,,, proactive to a fault.

Traits he probably gets as a child of Poseidon bc I love discussions that try to pinpoint this: the inability regulate strong emotions, like his temper; his brooding expression that gives him the air of a troublemaker and loose canon; his difficultly in following the rules; obv his love of beaches too.

Annabeth: As I've said before, Annabeth makes a good foil for Percy as the logical and book-smart person to Percy's heavy emotions and instincts. She's introduced as someone who's opposing to Percy in almost every way: someone who's entire world is her godly parent and the immortal world, who relies on her brain first before anything else, who's a bit manipulative, who's very confident in her abilities. But they also have some similarities: where Annabeth has faced lots of abandonment and Percy has faced a lot of rejection, and from these experiences they both have come to desire acknowledgement of their worth and the good in them. And they come to find these things in each other. It's also important to note how they learn from one another on their quest, like Percy starting to form strategies in his battles and Annabeth finding that the immortal world isn't everything.

Annabeth's aspirations and fatal flaw are very much tied together, since she's learned growing up that she can only rely on herself to do things right, plus having incredible pride as a child of Athena, led to her developing hubris. And it goes hand-in-hand with her desire for something permanent since she's never had something stable prior to arriving at camp. Her dream to be an architect allows her to both create something that will last eternity and make her stamp on the world.

Grover: The growth for Grover is a little less prominent compared to Percy and Annabeth. He's introduced as being meek with low-confidence but he has Big Dreams for that Tiny Body. It's really because he has Percy and Annabeth that he's able to grow and gain more confidence in himself, without them his aspirations would just be a pipe dream (I'm sorry I made an accidental pun lol). Grover rises to the occasion because he has people who believe in him and frequently tell him so and he also wants to meet those expectations. And that support takes physical form at the end of the book, both with Grover gaining his searcher license and him getting a growth spurt. You can see with your eyes how much he's matured, filling into the shoes of the person he wants to be in a literal sense.

Luke: Whereas Annabeth is different from Percy in every way but the ones that really matter, Luke is similar to Percy in every aspect except ones that really matter. He's a very caring and supportive person, so much so that he takes Percy under his wing when no one else does when Percy arrives at camp. He sees a broken system in the immortal world and wants something better for demigods. And yet he's also incredibly selfish, he leans more into putting himself and his desires first before anything else. He had relied too much on the gods to fix and provide everything and becomes bitter when that doesn't happen. Despite being a source of support for others, he doesn't have that for himself. And because of these differences, Luke is way more susceptible to Kronos' influence than Percy is. Kronos can offer glory and power and self gratification, and where Percy would refuse because it goes against his morals and who he is (someone who thinks about others before himself), Luke is more likely to be swayed.

Honestly Luke seems like a "what if" in comparison to Percy. What if Percy lost his mom? What if he was left at camp when he was younger? What if Percy never found a support system? All the examples I'm thinking of boil down to Percy having a parental figure that guides him and teaches him important lessons, while Luke doesn't lmao.

There's two sides in Luke, love vs anger, kindness vs selfishness, gods vs titans, celestial bronze vs steel, and this conflict appears frequently throughout the series. I want to see what moments this conflict shows itself in the later books!

Other things to keep in mind for the series when I continue reading and other notes:

Does Percy have claustrophobia? Or does it only show up at St Louis lol

The parallels between Percy and Luke

Ways Percy and Annabeth get closer and learn from one another

[B2 Summary]

[astarionsbite]

Saw where @mmothmanners had done these templates for their lovely Ris'daer a while ago so I wanted to try it out with my girl Tavana ❤️

(a bit about her and spoilers for the game below)

Tavana is my girl that I've been playing with since early access and I'm so happy to have finally been able to finish up her story! I've added more to it than I thought I would really but here are some little tidbits of it:

As a child she lived on the boundaries of the forest with her family until her parents found better work in the city and moved them all into Baldur's Gate

She grew up in Baldur's Gate with a decent roof over her head helping her parents run their business, she missed the forest and the animals though

She would sneak out and befriend some of the local fauna...namely cats and rats and pigeons. One rat in particular named Wriggles accompanied her around town at times.

Her excursions at night did put her in the path of one of Cazador's spawn at some point but she avoided the encounter none the wiser to how close a call it had been

Her ranger's companion is a raven named Cantrip (her favored familiar is also a raven and Cantrip can call upon two more ravens for help.....so combat was just Tavana calling upon a group of ravens (which is apparently called an unkindness of ravens) to peck the eyes of her enemies <3)

Originally I had her just romancing Astarion but while playing my Durge I decided that she, Astarion, and Durge would be cute together and....oops i have an ot3 AU now...

I made her exactly as I had in early access but later added the piercings in the endgame as something between her and Karlach....bc Karlach has piercings pertaining to her rage type and they decided that Tavana summoning all those ravens was her version of a rage. It's also a remembrance thing for Tavana because in my original run with her Karlach died (and tbh I'm not sure I can change that I think that's Tavana's canon as much as it hurts me)

Tavana is very sun energy coded

Fun little thing that happened in game: when the spawn invaded camp in act 3 one of them bit Tavana so I had her chug the "A Mother's Loathing" potion and bite them back...so she's maybe a little feral at times

Definitely didn't kill the gur in the swamp and then use his crossbow for the entire rest of the game...nope...

She's a distant cousin of my first dnd OC (who became a literal goddess and is the deity of my current dnd OC cleric)

Tavana adopts so many animals and kids in game.....Scratch, Owlbear Cub, Arabella, and Yenna??? Adopted. She might have adopted Us eventually but she took one look at the whole talking, squirming brain in a skull situation and said: oh no, that has got to go.

Did not use the tadpoles at all, not even for persuasion....my durge on the other hand, has more tadpoles than brain at this point...

and there's a lot more but i think that's enough for this post