#posts to maybe delete later

[d1zzybees]

GUYS i am OUT of the HELL DIMENSION... it's finally happened i'm freeeeeee i'm officially out of high school........ fuck this is actually a bit scary BUT MOSTLY A RELEIFFFF!!!!! My brain is fried my computer is full my bones are tired i slept under 4 hours last night and my mom n stepdad aren't home so i'm doing the most awesome grown up thing ever I AM FUCKING WATCHING MY LITTLE PONY TONIGHT

[i-am-a-fish]

GUESS WHO DIDN'T GET THE JOB

ME

BECUASE THE JOB SUCKED BALLS AND THEY WANTED TO PAY ME LESS THAN MINIMUM WAGE WORKING OUTSIDE SIX DAYS A WEEK!!!!!!

SO I GOT THE JOB AND SAID NO

I'm on that tgirl egirl grindset

Logically I shouldn't post this because it's incoherent and I'm hyped on caffeine but I have the ability to say words on the internet and I think it's funny to use this power to say that employers SUCK ASS

did you drink water today? If not it's coming

[5-789]

Josh, Jerry (and Pete’s hand), say cheese - 14

[athenaeum-of-the-herald]

Truly I am becoming so sick of people treating my religion like a fun quirky irl Percy Jackson. (I've ALWAYS been sick of it but oh my gods)

This is a REAL AND ANCIENT RELIGION. These are GODS. Not your silly best friends that are just constantly chilling around you. The lack of respect towards their divinity and weird mortalization of them I've seen in some spaces (not as much on Tumblr but tiktok and SEVERAL discord servers I'm in) is so uncomfortable and angering.

The prevalence of "deity identification spreads" as if they're trying to figure out their godly parent in PJO, the constant "what god is reaching out to me?" questions I see from beginners who barely even KNOW hellenic polytheism, and the constant treatment of the Theoi as fun friends that just sit around on altars at someone's every beck and call. It's so upsetting? It's so uncomfortable?

Yes, the gods love us. Of course, they care for us. But where is the respect? Where is your kharis? How can they love you when they don't even know you? And how can you claim to love Them when you hardly know Them?

You MUST research in this religion. There are no cutting corners. You must must MUST learn. Because without understanding how sacred the practices are and their significance of them to their time and who these gods truly were, you run DANGEROUSLY close to religious and cultural appropriation.

[pmpwbrrs]

There are so many AUs where Artificer's blue slugpup is taken by scavengers and raised by them . When will there be an AU where th GREEN slugpup s taken away by leeches and raised by them, huh?

[sleepy-spaceman]

wip of an art history project thingie where im allowed to do malevolent fanart :))

[theballadofthesunandthestars]

It’s kind of infuriating how good Apollo’s arc is in TOA. Like, why am I crying tears of pride over the piss boy? Get your bisexual ass out of here.

[reel-by-reel]

my apolocheese

[retrobr]

Idk what this is and I apologize that it looks kinda shitty 💀

[helios-kirbs]

jayce and jinx as ballister and nimona cause someone on twitter made the comparison and i liked it a lot !!! :v

[bixels]

This Twitter MLP human redesign drama is a mess, leave me the fuck out of it.

[itsahotminuteinbetween]

some gitm sona doodles (because we wanted to practice drawing them and because we need to cope)

gitm is of course by @venomous-qwille (feel free to ignore this sorry!)

closeups under the cut:

[murderofsomeone]

who else feeling scared? scared nation rise up. scared nation run the other way in a panic

[sealsdaily]

I'm so done with staff i hate that they're just going full mask off now

[canine-economy]

On Swansea’s (often understated) role in Mouthwashing

I say this as a big swansea fan but I don’t rlly understand why ppl are acting like he’s not also complicit in what happened to Anya? AUs where “Anya tells Swansea” and he jumps to violently defend her don’t make sense to me because canonically she does tell him, as he admits to Jimmy. But swansea represents another way of interacting with the capitalist heteropatriarchy that ALSO harms victims: holistic jadedness and resignation.

Swansea is across the board unkind to the Tulpar crew. We can’t forget that he calls anya a “so-called nurse”

and says this to Jimmy, which (if unintentionally) reiterates Jimmy’s own warped perception of Anya’s usefulness and competence. This allows Jimmy to feel justified in his imagination of the nurse’s inferiority. Swansea’s clear lack of respect for Jimmy does less to hurt Jimmy than his lack of respect for Anya harms Anya, because at the end of the day, Swansea’s attitude is contextualized by the violent culture it exists in and he does nothing to reconcile with that when Jimmy becomes the captain. His resignation can thus be weaponized even by Jimmy, a man who Swansea disrespects but whose power he doesn’t try to meaningfully jeopardize, because his across-the-board disdain punches people already marginalized by the environment twice as hard as it does those with power.

Swansea doesn’t position himself as an ally, he positions himself as willfully uninvolved in everything, an observer to the shitshow ride to hell. Just because he dislikes Jimmy doesn’t mean he aligns with Anya. He makes it clear that he’s not on her side, either. After a life of doing what he felt was expected of him, Swansea on the Tulpar looks out for Swansea and Swansea’s comfort. In trying to situate himself outside of the politics of it all as an older white man, he simply allows them to play out. The toxic culture keeps existing, playing out in the microcosm that is this freighter, and Swansea in all his experience recognizes that shit has hit the fan and elects to coast through it, even explicitly numbing himself to it by breaking his sobriety. It is, of course, hard to force yourself to be sober—to see clearly. But had Swansea forced himself to get involved sooner, he might have set a precedent for Daisuke to recognize Jimmy’s abuse, which could have saved Daisuke’s life as well as created a safe space for Anya. But Swansea’s inaction forces both victims to confront an abuser on their own, unable to reap benefits from his privilege and experience.

Jimmy is clearly intimidated by swansea in a way he is not by Anya, Daisuke, or a post-crash Curly (Swansea, for example, physically manifests as an aggressor in Jimmy’s “responsibility sequences”, and Jimmy ties Swansea up to avoid what he sees as the real possibility of pushback that he doesn’t conceive of Anya being able to do). Swansea has a power he does not act on or with until it is far, far too late. In fact, he acknowledges in his final monologue that he was dissatisfied with the discomfort with opening his eyes and living an exemplary “good man”s life. The best days of his life are ones in which he’s belligerently drunk—days in which he didn’t have to hold himself accountable. He regrets the life he spent performing for higher-ups and we watch him reject it by scorning Captain Jimmy, but he also doesn’t want to be held responsible for helping other people when it’s their turn to endure the expectations and violence from similar (if not the same) higher powers. Tragically, he possesses the hindsight to recognize that how he acted on the Tulpar consequently wasn’t what Daisuke needed out of a role model, leading to Daisuke becoming a victim. His hands-off approach to emotional engagement with his young male intern (another symptom of patriarchal gender norms) may have been to avoid Daisuke turning out miserable and jaded like himself, but it doesn’t actually indicate to an already-confused Daisuke what the dangers of that attitude are. Swansea never admits his own shortcomings in a tangible way which, had they come from a man with experience and prestige like himself, may have shifted that culture that failed Anya. She comes to him with the story not because he has situated himself as any earnest friend, but likely out of desperation on a ship Jimmy now controls.

When we allow “the machine” (Swansea’s own words) to beat us down to the point that we don’t find it productive to challenge unjust power dynamics, we become complicit. I think too many people get hung up on his disdain for Jimmy and Jimmy’s fear of Swansea as a marker of allyship with Anya, but the truth is that Swansea. Is a bad ally. He’s hardly one at all. His long stint in the demanding capitalist environment molded a perfectly complicit result out of him, as it aspires to do, even if Swansea bitterly recognizes that. Jimmy’s overt violence from a position of power is a different and much more brutal approach to abuse enabled by people who have been left too tired and bitter to care that he does it. A man who could’ve intimidated and even threatened Jimmy is too resigned to try until there is literally nobody but himself left to fight for, which is an attitude carefully cultivated among the lower rungs of hierarchies to keep the top safe. Swansea in particular seems very unhappy with the capitalistic, patriarchal expectations laid out for him as a father, husband, and laborer. This becomes particularly resonant when you realize the symbolism of his role as mechanic: a job that can be deeply unpersonal, tasked with keeping the ship (the machine, if you will) itself going while other roles are more focused on managing the humans inside of it (e.g. nurse, captain). His decision to just stop trying and spare himself the grief instead of questioning why those expectations exist and how they would hurt the others onboard only delays him being directly targeted by Jimmy and doesn’t interrupt the latter’s violence.

Not a single man in mouthwashing is innocent in Anya’s victimhood. This is a statement tentatively uninclusive of Daisuke, because I think the game very deliberately positions him outside of manhood through his youth and thus struggling with the concept of “fitting in” to the patriarchy. Curly, Jimmy, and Swansea all represent different failures that ultimately perpetuate Anya’s suffering and force her to defend herself and finally take her life into her own hands. A holistic analysis of rape culture in MW necessarily engages with all three of them. Only not being a friend and ally to rapists and other male abusers isn’t enough, and Swansea proves it.

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

recently had to give up something that… depend how you see it, been work towards for past months, two years, four years, even say ten years absolutely not stretch or exaggeration.

because have high support needs. n there no way for me physically survive safely if do it.

it be only thing in that domain that known for almost half my life, n entirety (n more) of my life that at least some part vaguely remember.

because not have enough support n care for me do it n safely survive.

wish am be exaggerate. wish be hyperbole. wish be overplaying it to get people to believe.

but am not.

this be reality of high support needs.

believe me am tried everything can think of n everything can do.

talk to so many people n groups for help. begged for it. thought abt what support needs be “luxury” enough can leave unmet. how much danger n risk can go thru to make it happen, knowing full well if any minor or major emergency happen to me (…visibly severely disabled POC, vulnerable minority in multiple visible ways), there absolutely no way be able deal with it.

n been in some really really bad places mentally while that. n more of that to come, now that for sure, give up.

have trouble understand want something really really really realllly bad not make it really exist, no matter how obviously ridiculous—include major law n policy change, teleport, be reborn, mind read, miracles, n this.

so you see, this be reality of actually high support needs. of depend on other people grace n charity n kindness n services n help over basic daily life activities to survive.

no amount “want independence” “want autonomy” “want better future” “want avoid severe suicidal mental illness crises times” “want escape abuse by caregivers” or “want avoid conservatorship guardianship institutionalization” or “want LIFE” no amount of simply wanting no matter how extremely bad, will make possible for us leave our support needs unmet, give those up, n trade be unsupported for those wants, n safely survive, or even just plain survive.

be high support needs give me barrier after barrier. not once give me privilege n power or even advantage, n never ever had full entire support needs met, even for just short time.

many high support needs people be force live in “survival mode” too. it just that, you know, to be in “survival mode” you kinda need be. alive.

no amount of “want” “need” n “adrenaline survival mode” make us able do things we simply cannot do.

n my support needs not even that high. n am take comfort in that. am lucky for that. because know what even higher support needs than mine actually mean.

idk what am saying.

[okay to reblog]