#prev. ladyvanserra

[moononastring]

THIS HAS NOW BEEN MOVED TO @lucienarcheron PLEASE READ IT THERE.

Spirit Meets the Bones [ Masterlist ]

Eris and Iris. An arranged marriage brought them together and beneath all the hate, the two are more alike than they’d like to be.

Eris x Iris inspiration | Iris | playlist | Commission art | Asks | Headcanons | 

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven 

Chapter Twelve 

Bonus Scene 

Chapter Thirteen 

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen 

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Eiris Prompt - Iris on her cycle. 

Snippets

Drawing Up the Plans - Eiris Valentine’s Day Modern AU

[bandofexilesweek]

Celebrate the Band of Exiles ✨

10.4.2021 to 10.10.2021

[moononastring]

Spirit Meets the Bones X

Find it all here.

Genre: Angst/Romance  Warnings: Mentions of physical abuse. Please be mindful: some implied language may be found triggering. Author’s Note: Feedback is always welcome and very encouraging :) I love knowing what you think so thank you for reading!

Tagging: @inejjg​​ | @vanserrasvalkyrie​​ | @nina-zcnik​​  | @chloepereyra​​ | @tealnymph24​​ |  @illyrianvalkyrie​​ | @arielle-reads​​ | @gwyns​​ | @highladyofdawn​​ | | @ae-lingalathynius​​ | @gingerwritess​​ | @lovelywordsandwine​​  | @erisvanserrarailmepls​​ | @verifiefangirl​​  | @live-the-fangirl-life​​ | @ellies-iced-coffee​​ |  @positivewitch​​ | @helion-ism​​ | @asteria-of-mars​​ | @sfae |  @highlady-fireheart​​ || @rarephloxes​​ | @readthelastpaage​​ | @highladyoftheday | @thewilderheart​ | @starlightorstarfire | @ddsworldofbooks​ |  @deardiarystuff  | @steelhiddenbysilk​ | @rachaels14​ | @foxybananaaaz​ | @ladyelain​ | @rainbowcheetah512 | @rainbowsnowflake | @rosea324  | @princessofmerchants​ | @illyrianshadowhunter​ | @bookologist​ | @crowchanblackbeak | @audreycressworth​ | @janeslandrys​ | @hoodwinkd1​ | @lattristantketchup​ | @pascale-the-bard​ | @lord-lochan​| @isha-love | @bibliophilelife124 | @spell-cleavers​ | @sheisnotwriting​ | @p-erd | @lovelynesta​ | @sophilightwood​ | @ladyofvelaris7​ | @weesablackbeak​ | @tinycosmicangel​ | @applestrudeldoo​​

Lucien and Elain looked up from their breakfast as Eris paused at their gate, glancing at them seated on their front porch. They had been residing in a beautiful home on the outskirts of the Day Court Palace for a few months now, choosing a life separate from the previous ones they’d both known.

Of course, it was also because his brother was the heir to the Day Court and a very limited number of people aside from himself knew this information now.

To everyone else, Lucien and Elain lived here as a courtesy of his emissary connections and Helion’s sudden interest in Elain’s seer abilities. Nothing more, nothing less.

Eris swallowed, frozen where he stood, fists clenched at his sides as he debated whether to move forward or go back with the way his brother and sister-in-law watched him, concerned.

“You’ll have to come a little closer for breakfast. I don’t think if I threw it at you, you would catch it from over there.” Elain coaxed gently and Eris glanced at her then with a breath, he began walking towards them. 

“Is mother alright?” Lucien asked immediately, standing as Eris joined them.

“She’s fine.” Eris said tiredly, sinking into a chair between them. “As fine as she can be with my father still, unfortunately, alive.”

Lucien and Elain exchanged a glance.

“Then what’s wrong? Has your wife kicked you out already?” Lucien said as he took his seat again, eyeing Eris.

“Lucien!” Elain reprimanded and shot him a scowl, but Lucien only grinned at his mate and blew her a kiss. Elain rolled her eyes but allowed it before turning back to Eris. “Should we be worried you’re here so early?” 

Eris scowled, quiet for a moment. It was probably a mistake to come to his brother and his mate who were disgustingly and happily mated and married, when he was currently not feeling the happiness of matrimony. His face heated.

Elain slowly pushed a cup of tea towards him, watching him with wide eyes. Lucien kicked him under the table. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked his brother again and Eris sighed.

He sat back in his chair and looked up at the morning sky — so peaceful, the sun so bright in this spacious court. His lips went into a thin line debating how much he should share? How much should he say?

In another time, he would’ve rather choked on faebane than discuss anything with Lucien, but things were different now. They had reconciled in the most unexpected way, mostly thanks to Elain whom he truly cherished like a sister. Every single thing he had kept to himself over the years about his father, about his own feelings towards Lucien, about any involvement he had with Lucien’s life — had all come out and Lucien in return, hadn’t held back. A slow mend, but it was one Eris held dearly.

Three years had passed and so many things had changed between them all for the better. They were better. 

Still, he balked at the idea of talking about Iris. Talking about his feelings. His mother was one thing but this…

“My wife is a delight.” he said dryly.

Lucien and Elain exchanged another look, both holding back slight smiles.

“Is she pretty?” Elain asked and leaned towards him, resting her chin on her hands. It reminded Eris of when Iris had done that same gesture and he frowned.

“Unfortunately.” 

“How can that be unfortunate!” Elain asked with a laugh and shoved him lightly. Eris gave her a reluctant smile.

“It’s unfortunate because he can’t decide if he likes her or wants to throttle her.” Lucien said with a snort and Eris waved a hand towards his brother as Elain gave them both a reproachful look.

“Don’t talk about her like that! That’s rude.” she said and pointed at Lucien who held up his hands with a chuckle. 

“He’s not wrong.” Eris said with a snort of his own. “She’s breathtaking but has quite the temper and frankly, kind of a pain in the ass.”

“Is her temper the reason why you left your breathtaking wife and joined us here early in the morning?” she asked, and Eris paused here. He debated once more, exactly how forward he should be.

He pursed his lips, his cheeks reddening slightly before he very, very quietly said, “It’s…not going quite well at the moment.” 

A beat of silence passed then Lucien slammed his hand on the table.

“Pay up, dove. I told you he would be a little bitch about it.” Lucien said and held out his hand, but Elain smacked his hand away with a scowl and turned back to Eris who flipped Lucien off with a glare.

“What do you mean?” she asked calmly, now sliding a plate of food towards him.

“My father.” Eris said dully and all mirth left Lucien’s body as he sat up slowly.

“What did he do?”

“What he does best, ruin my life.” he muttered and with more of Elain’s gentle coaxing and Lucien’s very aggressive shoving, Eris recapped snippets of what happened, leaving out all the details he didn’t think Iris would appreciate anyone else knowing. 

“We had a lovely continuation of the bitterness this morning. Which made everything worse.” Eris muttered. “Whatever fragile thing we had went up in flames because my father is an asshole, and she couldn’t take it. And then she was an asshole to me, and I was an asshole right back.”

“Just two peas in an asshole pod, huh?” Lucien asked and Eris scowled at him. Lucien held up his hands, but the twitch of his lips had Eris rolling his eyes. 

“Mother keeps talking about kindness but I’m unsure where the hell that’s supposed to come from.” he said dully and frowned, pushing his teacup around. 

Elain pursed her lips, watching him. “But didn’t you say it was going well at first? You two were getting along?”

“Yes.”

“Then the problem isn’t the two of you.” Elain said simply and Eris blinked at her. 

“Did you miss the part where I said we were being assholes to each other?”

“We all know who triggered that.” Lucien said with a snort. “Our — your father is the source of every single problem within our family.”

Eris frowned again. “That’s fair.”

“Where did you tell her you were going this morning?” Elain asked. 

“I didn’t tell her.”

“You just...left?” Lucien asked with raised brows.

“We weren’t exactly on the best-speaking terms.” he grumbled, and Elain exchanged a look with Lucien then chuckled. 

“Do you want my opinion?”

“No, I just came to steal your food and kick Lucien.” he replied with a snort and promptly kicked Lucien, who kicked him right back.

Elain shot them both a look before she stirred her tea and spoke, “I think you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself. The last serious relationship you were in was so long ago and it didn’t end well. But Iris is different. She’s your wife but she’s also not used to your family dynamic. She’s not used to you.” she said quietly, and Eris’s fingers clenched. “You can’t be surprised that she reacted that way. Being told about Beron is one thing...experiencing him is another. It was a stressful situation for the both of you.”

“I know this. I know.” he said quietly and looked at Lucien. “But you know he’s going to make things worse. How much more sneaking can I do? How much more hiding? Every move I make is a risk. On myself. On mother. And now on her. I can’t even pretend to tolerate my wife because he’ll twist it. I can’t even be nice to her in front of him —”

Elain squeezed his hand as his volume rose and Eris leaned his head back and took a deep breath. 

“Eris, remember that he needs you.” Lucien said quietly, shooting his brother a sympathetic look. “He needs you and that kills him. Make Iris a boundary he can’t cross. Force it if you have to.”

Eris swallowed and was quiet for a moment, his eyes up at the sky. “I can only force so much before he thinks she’s too important. There’s so much more to lose with her in the picture. She’s an unexpected variable now and I don’t know how to —” he paused and glared at the sky. “I don’t know what I was expecting but this wasn’t it.” 

“What exactly were you expecting?” Elain asked him with a small smile and Eris shrugged.

“I don’t know. A viper only interested in money I can give her and leaves me alone. Or maybe a cowering thing that cried at the sight of me that would also leave me alone.” he muttered. “I don’t know which would be easier to ignore.” 

Lucien rolled his eyes at his brother. “So, either one as long as you had nothing to do with her?”

“Yes.” 

“That doesn’t seem like a happy marriage.” Elain remarked and Eris looked at her with furrowed brows.

“Who said anything about happy?”

Elain and Lucien exchanged another glance before turning to look at him. 

“So, you’re telling me,” Lucien began and gave his brother a knowing look. “That all this time you’ve spent with Iris, there wasn’t a moment you could see yourself being truly happy with her?”

Eris pursed his lips and immediately, the moment of them at the piano popped in his head. He scowled. He had known from that first night that he wanted it to work. That there was something about her that was...more.

His scowl deepened. “It doesn’t matter. My father will ruin anything. There’s no point in trying.”

“And that’s where you’re wrong, you fool.” Elain chided, swatting his hand. “Trying is the most important part of it. Nothing works without effort.”

“Besides, the Eris I know wouldn’t wait for me to tell him to do something about Beron.” Lucien added. “You would’ve already done something.”

“I did already.” Eris replied with a wave of his hand. “You know how easily I can annoy him with little things. I’m sure he’ll call on me the moment I return to yell at me.”

“Good.” Lucien said, sitting back. “You’re good at annoying him all on your own but if you need anything from me, let me know.”

Eris shot him a small smile. “I can’t even ask you for relationship advice since you’re so terrible at it. Why would I ask you about anything else?”

“My wife is literally sitting right here.” 

Eris turned to Elain. “He’s terrible, isn’t he?”

“Just the worst.” Elain said with a grin and Lucien rolled his eyes. 

Eris had to look away as they exchanged a look too full of love for him to witness it. He was starting to regret his visit. He shouldn’t have come here and burden anyone else with his problems. It was like his mouth had gotten used to sharing things and now he didn’t know how to shut the fuck up. Clearly —

A swift kick to his shin had Eris swearing as he glared at Lucien. “What the fuck was that for?”

“You’re overthinking. Shut the fuck up.”

“Honestly, Eris. You know we want to be a part of your life and love when you share things with us.” Elain said gently with a knowing smile. “I know we couldn’t be at the wedding but that doesn’t change that we want to have a relationship with Iris too.”

“I’m still trying to have a relationship with her.” he said with a scoff and Elain rolled her eyes as Lucien chuckled.

“Well, ask yourself this,” Lucien began. “Since you are, generally, a giant pain in everyone’s ass on the regular —”

“Well, fuck you too brother.”

“— do you want to be a pain in the ass for her too?” 

Eris pursed his lips. Of course, he didn’t. He wanted it to work. Badly. The tips of his ears heated just thinking about how badly he wanted to have an actual relationship with his wife.

“Not on purpose, I guess.” was the only answer he was willing to give, and Elain rolled her eyes at him.

“The world won’t end if you say you want to be nice to your wife.” she said with a small laugh.

“Didn’t want to give anyone a cardiac arrest with that sort of confession.” he said dryly, and Lucien snorted.

“My dear big brother, the worst of our court with his sinister smile and wrath of the gods,” Lucien said dramatically, and Eris scowled. “Be nice to his wife? By choice? The world as we know it is ending.”

Eris just turned to Elain. “Can I still have food if I stab him?”

“I’m afraid not, no.” Elain said with a smile. “I like having him around.”

Eris made a gagging sound as Lucien blew Elain a kiss that she returned. 

“Mated freaks.” he mumbled but Lucien only gave his brother a knowing smile.

“You know what you want isn’t out of your reach.” he said. “You already know how you want this relationship to go. Make it work. Even when you’re embarrassed about it.”

“Like mother told you, get to know each other away from everyone else.” Elain added. “It’ll help more than you know.”

“More importantly, put your father in his place. You play your role too well.” Lucien said with a pointed look and Eris sighed as Elain patted his arm. 

“Patience. Give yourself more time with her. Nothing is going to happen overnight.” Elain added and though Eris nodded, the attention was starting to make his self-loathing fester again, so he squinted at Elain.

“That’s rich coming from you.” he teased, and Elain smacked his arm.

“Don’t be a jackass, that was long ago.”

Eris put a hand over his heart and smirked. “But who am I if not a jackass, little acorn?”

“If that’s the side you’re showing Iris, you’re lucky she hasn't slit your throat yet.” Lucien said with a grin then laughed when Eris smirked shamelessly.

“She desperately wants to. With my own dagger, no less.” he said and couldn’t help the small chuckle that slipped his lips — which was a mistake because Lucien and Elain exchanged yet another look then turned back to him.

“Eris. You’re not who Beron keeps trying to make you to be.” Lucien said quietly and Eris’s smile faded. “You just need to be honest with her.”

“I’m trying.” he said with another sigh. “She doesn’t trust me yet.”

Elain gave him a small smile. “Communication takes time. It’ll work itself out,” she said and patted his hand. “I’m going to make you a bouquet to take back for Iris and smooth things over so you can talk it out. What flowers does she like?”

Eris blinked and pursed his lips, fingers drumming on the table. “At the risk of sounding like a complete imbecile, I’m going to go with irises?”

Elain snorted and stood. “I’ll make a mix but if she hates it, blame yourself and ask her what kind she likes for next time.”

“How many apology bouquets are you expecting me to give her?” he asked with a scoff, turning to watch her as she walked away then turned back to Lucien with a frown. “She was mean to me too, you know.”

Lucien rolled his eyes. “Suck it up. She has to deal with Beron now.”

“He’s my father.”

“You had no choice in the matter. She did and still landed in our miserable family.”

Eris made a noise. “She didn’t really have a choice either, you know. Her father is as big of a piece of shit as mine is.” he said then waved his hand. “Speaking of fathers, how are you and Helion?”

Lucien’s lips twitched and Eris raised a brow.

“He got me a whole wardrobe of just togas.” Lucien said quietly, flushing lightly. “It is very...breezy.”

Eris snorted then started laughing. “I bet Elain loves those.”

“That she does.” Lucien said with a grin when Eris laughed again. Rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, he added, “He’s trying though. It’s been...an adjustment but he’s a good male.”

“Overbearing mother hen, huh?” Eris asked, running a hand through his hair with a small smile.

“Just a smidge.” Lucien said with a chuckle. “But Elain and I really like it here.”  

Lucien paused here, looking away for a moment then gave Eris a sad smile. “He’s never stopped loving her, you know. He’ll wait for her forever.”

“I know.” Eris said quietly. “It’s the least of what she deserves.” 

Lucien licked his lips before quietly adding, “The letters she sends me...she’s careful when she includes those...extra ones, right?”

Eris let out a small breath. Alongside Elain’s packages, his mother loved sending letters to Lucien and her letters often had other letters hidden to a specific someone that would cost his mother her life should his father find out. 

“As careful as she can be. Even though it's a huge risk and I don’t like it,” he replied and rubbed his bottom lip. “I can’t bring myself to stop her when I know it’s bringing back some small ounce of her happiness.”

But Eris would hand-deliver the letters to Helion himself if it meant his mother’s eventual happiness. He would bring his mother right to Helion’s fucken doorstep if he could and get her away from his father. 

But not yet. It was enough she was finding her spark again, rekindling herself slowly.

Lucien’s lips tightened into a thin line as he asked quietly, “He knows for sure now, doesn’t he?” 

Eris nodded tightly. “He does but hasn’t actually said anything. Helion hasn’t openly claimed you either, so he won’t be the one to expose anything.”

“He’s not going to risk it until Mother is safe because this time, she won’t be going back,” Lucien replied tightly. “He’s waited too long for her to be with him. He will shred Beron to pieces the moment she says so.” 

“She’s ready to shred him to pieces herself but not yet.” Eris replied quietly. “Soon.”

Lucien nodded then looked his brother over once more.

“I know it’s hard, Eris, but keep being honest with Iris. You being vulnerable lets her want to be vulnerable with you.” He advised gently and gave his brother a small smile as Eris scowled, his face coloring lightly. “You have to be the one to guide this relationship until she’s more comfortable. She’s going to need that from you.”

“It’s...hard.” He said through clenched teeth and Lucien nodded again. 

“I know. It makes you feel like you want to hurl your insides then shoot yourself with six arrows. Repeatedly.” he said with a chuckle. “But if you want to get anywhere with her, you need to build trust.”

“I tried that and the first chance she got, she threw it in my face.”

“She was angry and scared. It doesn’t make it right but with time, it will get better.” Lucien said, standing with a smile as Elain made their way back to them. “I would know. And I tell you, it’ll be worth it.”

Eris watched his brother’s smile widen as Elain beamed back and his heart clenched. He hated this feeling. This stupid, foolish feeling of longing. Of want.

Sighing, he stood as well, turning as Elain held out the bouquet to him and Eris blinked rapidly. 

“How the fuck am I supposed to walk into our court with this? It’s a smoke signal.”

“Do you want to make up with your wife or not?” she asked sharply, and Eris nodded quickly. “Then shut up and take the bouquet.”

Eris reached out to take the flowers then paused. “Elain, look away.”

Rolling her eyes, Elain turned with a huff and the brothers grimaced at each other before awkwardly and very quickly hugging with a pat on each other’s backs. Before Lucien could stop him, Eris swiftly punched him in the gut. 

“Eris!” Elain reprimanded, whirling around.

“That was for the punch last time. You’re a piece of shit.” Eris said and patted his brother’s shoulder.

“Fuck you, asshole.” Lucien wheezed, flipping him off. 

Taking the flowers from Elain, Eris leaned in to kiss her cheek then pulled back with a sigh. “Thank you. For listening to me.”

“Anytime, shitface.” 

“Always.” Elain said with a smile. “Now bring Iris over soon. We insist!” 

Eris nodded his thanks again with a tight smile and walked the few steps away from them before he winnowed back home. Even after they’ve been working on their relationship for so long, it still embarrassed him to be so open with them. To be...affectionate. He didn’t hate it though. The back of his neck heated at the fact that he liked it too much for his own good.

He took the path with the least traffic, not wanting to run into anyone to see him holding flowers like an idiot. He glanced at the bouquet wearily, wondering if Iris even liked flowers. But he’d try anything not to have that bitterness between them.

Eris made his trek slowly back to their wing, all the while thinking of his father and what Lucien and Elain had said. Eris knew better than to let Beron get away with talking to both of them that way, but yesterday’s conversation triggered bad memories and bad memories caused a spiral of more negative emotions. It wasn’t like he had too many healthy coping mechanisms.

He rolled his shoulders back. He wouldn’t let it happen again. It was his job to protect his wife and Eris would be damned if he let Beron take another thing away from him.

Eris could be a thorn in anyone’s side at the drop of a hat, especially his father. He could remind Beron exactly how soft he could be.

Taking a deep breath, he opened the doors to their chamber and stepped into his living space, his eyes darting across the room. But no Iris in sight. 

Placing the flowers on the table, he walked towards their bathroom and put an ear against the door.

“Iris?” he called out. He heard a small rustle and waited a few minutes with no response. Eris rolled his eyes and just as he opened his mouth to call out again, a knock came to their door.

Abandoning his attempt to talk to his wife, Eris stalked to the door and opened it to find one of his sentries standing there.

“Lord Eris.” he said with a nod.

“He got the report?” Eris asked, leaning against the door with a small smirk.

“He did. He’s requested you in his chambers.”

“But of course. Who am I but an obedient son?” he said, and his sentry’s lips twitched at the tone. Glancing once more behind him, his eyes flickered to the space at the bottom of the door and the shadows shuffling behind it. The corner of his mouth ticked up. He’d give her a few more minutes. And when he returned...they would have better words. 

[moononastring]

This has been bothering me for a few days so I figured it was time to say something and I truly say this in the most respectful, delicate way possible:

Helion is not meant to be a black man.

The artist that created the ACOTAR coloring book worked directly with SJM and the publishing team to indicate that he’s meant to be of a Persian/Middle Eastern background. You can find this information here. Now, people from this cultural background can range from light-skinned to dark-skinned so the description used in the book is fine. It’s not great, but it’s fine. It works.

I ask this in the kindest way possible, for the fandom to please, please not erase the identity of Helion by forgetting that there are other kinds of POC. He is of a Persian/Middle Eastern background. This also makes a lot of sense when it comes to Lucien being his son and being able to pass off as light-skinned (tan) enough to be part of the Autumn Court. 

As a POC with this cultural background myself, it has been very frustrating. This of course, is more SJM’s fault than anyone else's because she isn’t clear when writing POC so the fandom has to grasp at straws but it was explained. The artist got enough heat that the ask isn’t even available on her page anymore but it is clearly said what background he is. So please, don’t erase his identity and keep this in mind for future fanart/fancast. 

[moononastring]

URL Change!

I have switched my url from ladyvanserra –> moononastring. As a reminder, this is a side blog so any comments on posts will be from moononatstringmain!

Thank you to @vanserrasvalkyrie for helping me with the name hehe. 

I’ve made a full update to my icon, theme, and am in the process of updating my links.

Please reblog this post so people can see the change! I appreciate it in advance :D

[moononastring]

gwyn 🤝 elain

making big badass tough men blush and bringing them to their knees

Azriel 🤝 Lucien

continuously having mental breakdowns because of gwyn x elain just existing 😌

[moononastring]

Morning Pranks [ Elucien ]

Prompt: Inspired by this adorable tiktok: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMefWmM26/

Pairing: Elain x Lucien (Elucien) Genre: Fluff McFluff

___

Elain watched Lucien with a small smile on her face as he finished the final touches of his outfit for the day. 

They had started their morning with her favorite kind of love-making, the slow and sensual that had her toes curling just at the thought. Now, they finished their breakfast and were getting ready to go about their respective duties of the day. Except she hadn’t teased him all morning. 

As she watched Lucien tie his hair back, Elain bit her lip as she thought of the perfect way to get a whine out of him before he left. They didn’t part a single morning without a searing kiss and a tender declaration of love — it would throw their entire day off. While she didn’t want to throw their whole routine out, Elain did want to make him work for it a little. 

Just a little bit.

“Alright, bunny. I’m off.” her handsome mate declared and strode over to her. “I’ll be back to spend lunch together.”

“Be safe, my love.” she replied and let him scoop her in his arms with a giggle. “Don’t make me wait too long though. I’ll break into a million and one pieces.”

Lucien chuckled. “Of course not, dove. I’d never make you wait.” he replied with a smile and leaned in to kiss her lips.

But Elain turned her face just slightly to the side, so he ended up kissing her cheek. Lucien leaned back with a blink and Elain only gave him a small smile as he returned her to the floor.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, a slight hesitation in his words, and Elain smiled fully.

“Not at all, handsome.” she replied instantly and he nodded, seemingly satisfied with her response so he leaned in again to lay one on her.

But once more and with a barely contained giggle, Elain turned her face just slightly so, that Lucien ended up kissing her other cheek instead. 

“Hey!” Lucien exclaimed and pulled back from her, confused and offended all at once. “I want my goodbye kiss!”

Finally letting out a fit of giggles, Elain nodded and gave him another smile, sliding her hands up his strong arms to squeeze a little. “Of course, my love. I’m sorry. Come here.”

And this time, Elain puckered up her lips for Lucien. He hesitated for a fraction of a moment, narrowing his eyes at her behavior and the giggling mess she was. Lucien held up a finger in warning but Elain only wiggled her head, lips puckered and waiting.

Lucien leaned in once more, fully intending to make up for the two kisses he already missed out on but once more, Elain turned her head with a ridiculous giggle and Lucien’s lips landed on her cheek. 

He let out the loud whine she was anticipating and Elain burst out laughing.

“Elain!” he growled out and huffed as she held on to him, laughing away. Lucien shook his head, watching her beautiful face light up in laughter, and really, he couldn’t hold back much longer. Grabbing her face with both hands, Lucien pulled her into him and gave her a kiss that absolutely had her knees buckling. He kissed her as though they had no more time left in the world. Like this would be the kiss to end all kisses. Like he needed this kiss lest he perished or she disappeared.

Lucien leaned back, pulling Elain into him further, lifting her off the ground a few inches, and groaned into her mouth as Elain opened up for him. She returned his kiss with fervor, smiling into it and Elain could only hold on to him, gripping his shirt tightly as Lucien poured his everything into imprinting his lips on hers. A hand of his slid down, cupping her ass and squeezing, earning him a little moan from Elain and Lucien finally pulled back, gazing into his lovely mate’s slightly dazed eyes. 

“Please don’t do that to me again.” he said, his voice dropping an octave, licking his lips as he gently put her down once more. “I need your kisses, sunshine.”

Elain let out a small laugh, her hands sliding down his back. “Was that good for you then?”

“It was fantastic.” he practically purred, leaning in and kissing her again with a small growl. Elain hummed in content as she kissed him back, deepening the kiss and it took several minutes for the two of them to pull away. “So fantastic, I’m about to cancel my plans and stay in for the day.”

Elain’s head leaned back as she laughed. “My kisses make you want to shirk your responsibilities, huh?”

“Everything about you makes me willing to bring the world to its knees.”

She grinned. “Even when I deny you kisses?”

Lucien gave her a look, quirking his brow. “You really want to bring out the devil in me, don’t you?”

Elain’s smile was coy as she gave a nonchalant shrug. “I’m sure I could handle it.”

“Are you sure?” Lucien asked quietly, leaning in to nip at her ear as Elain flushed in delight.

“Kiss me again, let’s find out.” 

Tagging some elucien peeps: @vanserrasvalkyrie​ | @chloepereyra | @starbornvalkyrie​ | @gingerwritess​ | @nahthanks​ | @rattle-th3-stars​ | @nasias-stuff​ | @asteria-of-mars |  @ourbooksuniverse​ | @zhian-tara​ | @twigoftrust​ | @crazyhairedwriter123​ | @firebirdofscythia​ | @azrielsshadowsdanceforgwyn​ | @helion-ism​ 

[moononastring]

Tales of the Fox & the Fawn [ Masterlist ]

A series of short snippets to fill my Elucien heart.

Season One 

[ I ] A Touch of Your Love

[ II ] Rabbit on the Run

[ III ] Territorial and Proud

[ IV ] Inappropriate Interruptions

[ V ] Morning Mischief

[ VI ] Tools of the Trade

[ VII ] The Lucien Effect

[ VIII ] A Family of Our Own

[ IX ] Quickie for Luck

[ X ] Team Ginger  

[ XI ] Be My Forever

[ XII ] Ice My Cupcake

[ XIII ] Date Night      

[ XIV ] Bringing Sexy Back

[ XV ] Only the Beginning

Season Two

[ XVI ] Bedtime Delights

[ XVII ] Paint Night

[ XVII ] Woo You

[ XIX} Giddy in the Garden

[ XX ] Insatiable

[ XXI ]  Party Surprises

[ XXII ] Distractions

[ XXIII ] Home

[ XXIV ] Smiley Pots

[ XXV ] We Are Enough

[ XXVI ] The Games We Play

[ XXVII ] Beauty Meets the Beast

[XXVIII ] Something New

[ XXIX ] A Vision to Plan For

[ XXX ] 365 Days

[moononastring]

Quiet Thunder II [ Elucien ]

Prompt: This is a follow up to part one of Quiet Thunder where Lucien expresses his frustrations to Elain post-ACOFAS. This is the Elain follow up.

Pairing: Elain x Lucien (Elucien) Rating: SFW

Masterlist

Elain took a deep breath of a new day in Velaris. She paused in the busy streets and her eyes darted around the buildings, the color and the different kinds of people roaming around her. 

Would she ever feel like she belonged? A lump formed in her throat and she tried to swallow it as she walked on. Elain tried. She tried to fit in and stay busy and be happy but every time she looked at herself in the mirror, she felt nothing but shame. 

Shame for who she had been. Shame for who she was now. Shame for allowing herself to cope in the only way she knew how, by ignoring it. 

Everything was different and yet, the same. 

She took another deep breath and walked on, her fingers gently rubbing the tip of her right ear; a new habit she had picked up when nervous. A habit that only kept reminding her of the differences in her body. A body that was hers yet not, a body she was still getting to know all over again.

Elain walked on, past the busy streets into a quieter neighborhood, where each of the houses burst with personality. She saw one, two, and three-story homes, with yards, picket fences, gardens, and treehouses. She smiled at those who smiled at her and nodded at those who didn’t. 

Would she ever get used to being so known like this? Would she go back to enjoying socializing and welcoming people into her life?

Elain sighed, as she did so often these days, and finally stopped in front of one particular home. A quaint, cottage-like home with a modest gate, surrounded by greenery. Wildflowers lining a white fence. Her heart thudded and her throat bobbed.  It was so lovely. 

Elain swallowed then slowly made her way to the front door of his home and stood. 

She stood and stood and stood. 

Elain stood, eyeing the white door and she wondered how long she’d been standing there; ten minutes or ten months.

It had been about three weeks since he’d come to see her and said all that he said to her but she hadn’t heard from him since. She may have only been standing in front of his home for these few minutes, but deep down, Elain knew she had been standing still in all aspects of her life for so much longer. 

“Feel better. Find me when you do.”

The words echoed in her mind now as she stood, rooted to her spot. Thinking back on the past year and some, so many things had just happened to her in her life and she had stood, passively letting it by. Had she just been lying in wait then? Waiting for something to push her story forward? To force her into action? 

She shook her head then and bit her lip. What was she so afraid of? He was giving her a choice. A chance. Free reins. He had made it clear from the very beginning, he wanted nothing more than a conversation and gave her the choice to decide when.

“If you don’t want anything to do with me, then that’s fine, but we need to discuss that.”

A decision she had the right to make. A choice given back to her to move her life forward, on her own terms. 

“I didn’t ask for this either and I’m not looking for you to love me. I’d just like to at least be your friend.”

A friend. A friend that would be tethered to her soul. 

Feyre had mentioned he was back in Velaris for the time being, to visit, to work, she wasn't sure. Elain had stopped listening after Feyre had announced his return, the first one of his since she last saw him. She had shot up and decided finally -- actually, decided on her next move. No one had questioned it.

As she stood here now, her grip tightened around the bouquet of flowers she had put together to give to him. Her gaze dropped to the rainbow of color in her hand; it was a mix of Scarlet Geranium, White Poppy, asphodel, and purple hyacinth. She tried to pick flowers that would express how she felt; there wasn’t a language she spoke as fluently as when she spoke in flower. 

She hoped he could translate her apology but then again, Elain wondered if he’ll even want anything from her. After all, she hadn’t been very kind to him.

“The least you could grant me, us, is a chance to talk about this.”

Elain closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Maybe she should go back. She didn’t know what she’d even say to him. What would they even talk about? Was there a point in moving forward if you didn’t know what direction to go?

“Elain?”

His scent hit her as she whirled around and found him standing a few feet back, a bag of goods in his hand. He blinked at her in surprise and she instantly flushed.

“Hello.” she said, eyes darting all around them before settling on him again and she held the flowers out. “These — these are for you.”

Once again, Lucien blinked at her in surprise and Elain’s flush deepened.

“Oh!” he said and hesitantly reached out to take them. “Thank you...I, um — hello.”

Their fingers brushed as he took the bouquet from her and the two shuddered. She eyed Lucien and by the look on his face, he had felt the shock of the touch too.

She curled a loose strand of hair behind her ear then clasped her hands together, taking a small breath and step back. “Feyre said it had been a while since you’ve been back to this home here. I figured flowers could...brighten it up.”

Elain watched him look down at the flowers silently and hadn’t realized she’d been holding her breath until he chuckled softly and she loosened a sigh of relief.

“Thank you. I appreciate the thought.” he replied, meeting her gaze. “I went to replenish a few missing things.” He paused and she noticed how his fingers tightened around the bouquet as a moment of silence passed between them, then, “Would you like to come in?”

Elaine blinked. “Come in?”

“Yes.”

“Inside your home?”

“...Yes?”

 “...I don’t know if that’s proper.” she said breathlessly and watched his mouth slip into an ever so slight frown. “Unless!” she quickly added and he blinked. “Unless...it’s fine?”

“Of course it is.” he replied softly, his brows furrowed. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

Elain bit her lip as she glanced at him. Their eyes met and they both immediately flushed again when his gaze narrowed on her lips. “I don’t know what the social etiquette rules here are.” she whispered. “I don’t want to overstep.” 

Lucien gave her a smile of understanding. “You could never overstep.” he said softly and she nodded silently, brows furrowed.  

A heartbeat of silence passed then,

“So... you want me to come inside your home?” she asked hesitantly, feeling her face go red all over again.

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want you to.” he said with a small smile. “Did you think I’d have you at my door and not invite you in? Terrible manners that would be, wouldn’t it?”

She gave him an awkward smile. “To be completely honest...I hadn’t thought about what would happen after I got here.”

Lucien paused then, gazing at her, his eyes locked on hers and Elain felt a tingling sensation -- as though he could see right through her. Right through her jumbled thoughts. She watched him nod, seemingly to himself then walked past her to open his door, gesturing for her to go in.

“If this is your way of instigating a night of sweet love making, I’m afraid you’ll have to invite me for dinner first.” he replied with a cheeky smile. 

Elain froze mid-step, her eyes widened and her face flushing even deeper than before. Lucien’s eyes found hers and his expression shifted from a smile to horror, his body going rigid. 

“Oh gods.” he whispered and immediately straightened. “I’m so sorry Elain, I was only joking —I do it when I’m nervous — very inappropriate — I don’t want to make you uncomfortable – it was just — ”

But he stopped as she started giggling. 

Lucien watched her giggle uncontrollably, doubling over and his lips twitched, unsure of what to make of it.

“I thought I insulted you but I guess I really am as hilarious as I think I am.” he said with a brow raise. “The idea of us making passionate love is just hysterical, hm?”

Elain sighed, wiping below her eyes. He had caught her so off-guard with his statement, her own reaction surprised her. The man she’d been ignoring for over a year now was making jokes with her! About the two of them! Being intimate! 

The two stood and looked at each other, taking in the lightness of the moment. That he had made her laugh. It brought back the memory of the first time he had inspired a smile out of her.

“Of all the things I thought you’d say, that was definitely not it.” she finally said, looking away from him shyly. “I -- it’s not very proper though, is it?”

“Mmm.” he mused, then chuckled. “Proper isn’t really in my vocabulary but I’ll be sure not to scandalize you further with my jokes. I can be a gentleman for you.”

“I would think being yourself is the best policy.” she replied with a small chuckle and finally stepped into his home. Her eyes darted around his living space, taking it all in.

“Are you saying if I am being a gentleman, I’m not being myself?” he asked with mock offense and Elain snorted.

“Based on the things I’ve heard from Feyre? It’s debatable.”

“Asking Feyre about me, are you?” Lucien asked teasingly and Elain rolled her eyes. “I knew my wily charms would eventually come through.”

“There’s the snark I was warned about.” she muttered and he chuckled. 

Elain felt his eyes on her as she continued to scan his home. It wasn’t too cluttered. It was kept tidy and everything in the space had a practical use. Without having to look at him, she could tell her assessment was making him nervous.

“Is it alright if I close the door or should I leave it open in case you want to run after I crack another inappropriate joke?” 

Elain rolled her eyes, then turned to meet his gaze, her cheeks rosy once more. “I’m here, aren’t I? I made the choice to be.”

Lucien hummed softly and walked past her, placing both the bags and flowers on the small dining table. He paused then, “Yes. You did make the choice to come.” he said and braced his hands on his kitchen counter, clearing his throat. “But, forgive me for asking so bluntly and right away but — why are you here?”

Elain’s brows furrowed and she looked down, thinking exactly how to answer that. A moment passed then she looked at him, patiently waiting for her response. 

“You told me to feel better and then come find you.” she said quietly. “So I’m here. To talk.”

Lucien slowly nodded. “To talk.”

“Yes.”

He watched her and it unnerved her how assessing his eyes seemed to be, how assessing his eyes had been from the moment he saw her. Elain had often wondered just how the mating bond worked and had asked Rhys and Feyre so many times... but it didn’t quite make sense as much as it did at this moment. 

When he gave her a small smile and she felt a warm jolt in her chest. 

“Talking is one of my favorite things to do. I do love the sound of my own voice.” he replied with another one of his cheeky grins. “Are you hungry? I could make us something quickly if you’d like. Or we can have a cup of tea?”

“I think tea would be lovely.” she said, a small smile and he nodded.

Elain watched him quietly as he moved about his kitchen and it was when she noticed the slight tremble in his hands as he filled the kettle she realized how awkward it must feel for him and how hard he was trying to make her feel comfortable. 

Elain could try and meet him halfway. She was a social butterfly. She could diffuse the awkward.

“Do you have powers — I mean abilities?” she blurted out and Lucien paused. “I think fire, yes?’

His lips twitched and Elain flushed at how silly the question was. Social butterfly indeed.

 “Yes, I do. Fire manipulation is one of them.”

She pursed her lips at the teasing smile he gave her. “Can you heat up the kettle without using actual fire then?” she asked, pointing as she moved closer to inspect. 

Lucien tilted his head as he watched her stand closer to him. Without taking his eyes off her, he put down the kettle then touched it and Elain watched in fascination as steam started emerging from it then heard the bubbling of the boiled water.

“That must be handy.” she said lamely. 

“Please Elain, settle down. What will the neighbors think if they hear how inappropriately you’re flirting with me?” 

Elain scoffed and playfully shoved him then immediately froze at the contact. She slowly looked up at him and when he smiled at her she felt her whole body heat up.

“Sorry.” she mumbled and stepped back but Lucien only chuckled in response and playfully bumped her with his shoulder. 

“No apologies needed. Let me set up the tray and then we can sit outside by the garden.”

“You have a garden?” she asked and Lucien watched her whole face light up in excitement.

He paused then rubbed his neck with a sheepish smile. “It’s not in the best shape at the moment, considering I travel often but I had started growing some plants and vegetables,” he said then gestured with a hand. “Maybe you can give me some ideas on how to fix it? I know you enjoy gardening.”

“I’d love to!” Elain beamed then curled a hair behind her ear, her cheeks rosy. “It could be a fun project to work on — if you want to.” she began, gushing. “I really love the organization process of setting up a new space and knowing which plants to put next to what and you seem to have good space back there and —” 

But then Elain froze again. 

Had she just casually offered to work on a project with him? Someone she’d been actively avoiding for a year? 

She blinked.

Why was it so easy? 

She glanced at him, for Lucien had paused in place, watching her and Elain swallowed, her heart thundering. 

Why was it so easy to slip into a comfortable conversation? To joke? Like they were old friends?

“Because it’s supposed to be easy.” he answered her quietly and Elain startled, not realizing she had spoken the words to him. Lucien hesitantly reached out to curl that same strand of hair behind her ear that had fallen out of place in her excitement. “It’s okay, Elain.”

Elain watched him swallow and bring his hands back to his sides. Watched his hands flex then fist.

“I’d ask you how you could be so calm about this but I can feel your heart beating.” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I felt it the moment you set foot in Velaris.” 

“My body is in a constant state of fight or flight.” he said with a shaky laugh, running his own hand through his hair. “Calm is something I’m still getting used to.”

Elain looked at him then, really looked at him. She had always avoided looking at him directly but now, in a feeling she wasn’t entirely sure she was in control of, she stared bluntly. She let her gaze take in his fiery red hair, his sun-kissed skin, his one russet eye and his other metal one that was widened as he watched her watching him. Elain’s eyes scanned the scar on his face and her teeth clenched at the sight of it. 

But then she blinked. She had no right to be angry about it. They were hardly acquainted and yet...the tug between them was taut, clear as day. 

Elain watched him swallow again then casually gesture towards his eye. “Jurian likes to make a joke that if I add an eye patch, I’d make one heck of a pirate.” 

Another attempt at humor for her sake.

The corner of her mouth lifted. “You’d be a very eye-catching pirate, I’d think.” 

Lucien chuckled, some of the tension easing from his shoulders. “Elain, please control yourself. If not dinner, at least take me out for lunch before propositioning me. I’m willing to be a mid-day harlot if asked nicely.”

Elain huffed out an unexpected laugh then rolled her eyes at him. “You’re very arrogant.”

“Not annoying?” he asked cheekily and she snorted. 

“That too but arrogant felt more polite.”

“Polite with a bit of a bite, hm?” he asked again with a quirked brow and both her brows raised.

“I am a civilized lady.” she replied, the corner of her mouth lifting. “My bites aren’t so bad.”

“Hm.” he mused with a smirk. “In my experience, civilized ladies tend to have the strongest sting.” 

“Mmm.” she mused in return, glancing at him through her lashes. “Have a lot of experience with civilized ladies then?”

Lucien gave a casual shrug. “So, so.” he said and studied her. “But I do have to say, I haven’t met any like you.”

Elain paused then, realizing again how easy it was to — to flirt with him. She gave him a thin smile. “You mean one who is your...your mate?” she said with a bite to her tone.

“Definitely not, no.” he said softly.

And just like that, Elain felt the air become tense between them again and frowned in the silence that followed. She swallowed, unsure, and met her mate’s gaze. Lucien gestured gently towards the back door.

“Why don’t we head out to the garden and talk things out?”

Elain nodded tightly then made her way outside, a finger rubbing the tip of her right ear again. Her eyes flickered back to him and she bit her lip, watching him take a deep breath, his hands shaky once more. Taking in her own deep breath, Elain let her gaze scan his backyard space as she assessed her emotions. He had a small seating area but it was mostly neat with small semi-alive plants and vegetable patches. 

She took a seat. How was she feeling? Nervous? 

Definitely not as nervous as she had expected. He was as courteous as he’d always been. He was patient and seemed very kind. Lucien was funny and wasn’t pushy at all. He was trying so hard to make her comfortable. So why did she feel shame that it wasn’t going terribly? Shame that she didn’t mind sitting in his garden and waiting to talk to him? 

Shame as she thought of the man she once loved glaring at her in disgust for what’d she become. For even considering the option of accepting Lucien for what he was to her. 

“I feel it too, you know.”

Elain turned her head to see him approaching, a small tray in hand that carried tea and an assortment of cookies. 

“Feel what?��� she asked, fiddling with her fingers, avoiding his gaze now. 

“Your shame. It feels nearly as crippling as mine.” he said quietly and slowly took a seat opposite her. She looked up at him.

“What do you have to be ashamed about?” she whispered and Lucien gave a humorless chuckle.

“My whole life has been a cascading waterfall of shame.” he said bitterly and Elain assessed his anger, his clenched fists. It was a moment before he spoke again and his hands relaxed. “I’ve lived with shame long enough to be able to tell you, with confidence, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

Elain shook her head and gave him a sad smile. “I can’t stop thinking about him. His disgusted face the last time he saw me. How he ignored me after. I loved him enough that it’s given him so much power over how I view myself. He doesn’t know how much power he has over me and I allowed that. He definitely doesn’t care...but he still has power over how I view myself because I gave him so much of my love... How can you say I have nothing to be ashamed of?”

Lucien gave her a gentle smile. “Being so in love that you trust your partner to give them your world isn’t something to be ashamed of. He should be ashamed for letting blind prejudices take away from what you two had.”

Elain blinked rapidly, her lips trembling slightly and she avoided his gaze once more. He was understanding her too easily, feeling what she felt too easily. “I know I seem naive in my view of it but...before this all happened, I had already envisioned our life together. He..let that go. Maybe it’s because it was my first love that I’m taking it so hard but — but he should’ve fought harder for me.”

Lucien sat back, arms resting in his lap, his expression thoughtful. “It’s been a very long time since I’ve thought of anyone but her.” he said quietly. “She’s always in the back of my mind, even when I’ve attempted to take new lovers and it’s been a long time since I’ve met someone who views love the way it should be viewed. As something so pure. It’s refreshing.” 

She shrugged, not feeling particularly insightful at all. Everytime she thought of Graysen now, Elain only felt stupid. 

Lucien leaned forward and tapped the table gently to get her attention and she met his gaze. “You know, I can feel whatever it is you’re feeling,” he said. “Nothing you feel is stupid. Your first love will always have a special memory or teach a specific lesson. Either way, it leaves a mark that you’ll remember.”

Elain looked at him, taking in his expression, and gently asked, "I thought...I thought mates couldn't handle talking about other partners. That you'd — you wouldn't take this well."

Lucien pursed his lips, brows furrowed. "I'm not a heathen without any self-restraint. You're also not an object that I own." he simply said. "I'd be an idiot to think someone as beautiful as you wouldn't have had any previous lovers, as did I."

Elain looked down, embarrassed of her assumption and of her question. Why had she just assumed he'd be awful to her? Why didn't she —

"It's okay, Elain." he said gently, cutting into her spiraling thoughts. "You can ask whatever you want. I'd be more than happy to answer."

She nodded and then softly asked, “Will it always be like that? You aware of how I feel?”

He nodded slowly. “Part of the bond’s magic is that you and your mate have a connection so deep and sacred, nothing will ever compare. You’re essentially two sides of the same coin, always in touch.” he explained and paused momentarily, licking his lips. “This past year...especially because I went in and out of Velaris often...I am very aware of how it has been for you.”

“Would this connection remain even if...even if the bond was rejected?”

Elain watched him flinch at the question and felt herself wince, knowing how touchy this was based on Rhys and Feyre’s explanations.

It took Lucien a few moments before he finally swallowed and answered quietly. “Even if the bond is rejected, the link is always there.”

It was a tense quiet before Elain broke the silence. Feeling like she owed him honesty, she only said, “I’ve been aware of how you felt as well but...I always ignored it.”

“I know.” he said with a sad smile. 

“It was never about ignoring you as it was...ignoring the situation.” she said quietly. “I’m sorry. It hasn’t been fair to you.”

“No, it hasn’t.” he agreed and the two sat in silence once more as Elain attempted to express exactly how she was feeling. She looked at him and when he gave her an encouraging smile, she flushed.  

“With everything that happened since the cauldron and everything that was taken from me and then given to me…” she quietly began then paused, curling a hair behind her ear. “Having you as my mate felt — it felt like another thing I had to take without having a say in. It felt like — as though — “

Elain paused again, anger flaring suddenly and she clenched her teeth. “I was in a body that was my body but not, with powers I didn’t understand and suddenly I had now become the possession of a man I didn’t know.”

“I have never once thought of you as a possession and will never think of you that way.” Lucien said softly. 

“While I appreciate you saying that...it still felt that way for me. Especially when I started realizing how the bond works. You...you made me feel things that felt against my will.” she whispered. “I didn’t like it that these instincts I wasn’t familiar with were taking charge with someone I knew nothing about and someone I wasn’t ready to know.”

“It can be very overwhelming.” he agreed. 

“Very.” Elain said with a frown. “Do...do you feel that way?”

Lucien chuckled and gave her a tight nod. “It’s worse for males. This stupid idea that we’re supposed to resonate with our animalistic tendencies and claim, protect. But I am not these tendencies nor will I ever let myself fall to them. I am more than that and you are more than that.”

Elain shied away from his firm gaze, understanding what he was trying to tell her. What he had been trying to tell her for the past year and it was as she sat in his garden, the sun shining down on the two of them that she finally understood. She looked up and closed her eyes for a brief moment, letting herself bask in the sun, as if it was here at this specific moment to remind her how much she needed this conversation to happen.

She’d spent the last year looking for the sun and trying to stand in it but it was only here, Elain actually felt it on her skin, warming her up.

“This feels nice.” she said quietly and opened her eyes to give him a smile, finding him watching her, slight awe on his face.

Once again, she felt the bond between them as he gazed at her but it didn’t feel as daunting as it had before.

Lucien looked away from her, a flush in his own cheeks. “Yes...it does. I do like it here. It’s the first home that’s actually mine.” he said with a small smile. “I’m not living on anyone’s property but my own for once.”

“You don’t feel lonely in it?” she asked, facing him fully for the first the time since they sat, her arms resting on the table.  

Lucien quirked his head in thought. “I think…” he began. “I think inherently, I’ve always been lonely. I was always on my own in the Autumn Court and the Spring Court was a little better but not great. I was Emissary and it was wonderful working with many different people but I also never felt like I belonged anywhere or was tied to one place. Except when I met Jesminda and then…” he waved his hand and Elain understood. He’d rather not dive into those memories.

She hesitated for a moment then, “I always felt a little lost in the middle between Nesta and Feyre. They’re both so strong and have such distinctive personalities. I was always just...the middle sister. Until I met Grey — until I met him.”

“You felt seen.” Lucien said, a knowing look on his face. “You felt understood.”

“Yes.”

“I know. I did too.” he said with a sad smile. “She saw me for all that I was and all that I could be.”

Elain’s sad smile met his. “She was the person you loved most, wasn’t she?”

“She was, yes.” he said quietly and Elain nodded.

“He was that for me. He saw me. He saw that there was more to me. He listened to things I had to say...it was easy with him. I thought he loved me.” she choked out bitterly. “He may have hated fairies but I was still me...still me just with pointy ears.”

Lucien gave her a half-smile at the attempt at humor, despite the shakey tone with which she said it.

“It turns out he didn’t see me after all.” Elain whispered and before Lucien could stop himself, he reached over, placing a hand on top of hers and squeezed gently. Despite any initial reservations she had about him, Elain squeezed his hand back and took a deep breath. 

“Now I’m lost all over again...I’m trying to find my way back to myself. The old me isn’t enough anymore.” she continued with a shrug. “I’m too angry for it. The life I had and wanted was ripped away from me and I had no say. With everything that happened after, I still had no say and I hate it. I’m still processing and coming to terms with it...I have so much more to offer and deserve more. I — I don’t want to be reduced to just your mate. I want to learn how to be brave, brave to be me with all the changes that have happened.”

A breath rushed out of her as she spoke, the words she had been wanting to say for so long. They came out strong, clear, and Elain felt a rush of pride that she had not flinched away from him as she spoke. Felt a weight off her shoulders.

Lucien squeezed her hand once more with another encouraging smile, as if he too, had felt the pride she felt for herself. “Bond or no bond, Elain — this is what I want for you and for myself. You may be my mate but you are your own person first and foremost. I am my own person first and foremost.” he said firmly. “I’ve lived my whole life trying to be molded into what others want from me and now, I want to spend it on what I want for myself. If we decide to be mates, I want you to choose me. To be with me as I am. I’m not here to convince anyone to love me. I want to be a choice and deserve to be a choice. I am not a burden on you or anyone else.”

“But that’s what I want too!” she said, leaning forward and tightening her grip on his hand. “I don’t want this to be something we do because we have to, but because we want to. I need something this significant to be on my terms, something I decide. Something we decide together.”

“That’s all I’ve been trying to tell you since I met you.” he said with a small chuckle. 

“I know.” she said quietly, her cheeks heated. “I’m sorry I didn’t give room for it to be discussed. I was — am scared.”

“Don’t apologize. I understand.” he said. “There’s nothing I want more than for this to be a comfortable experience for us both. This is...new and different for me too. The mating bond will be what we decide on, as you said, together. I expect nothing more from you than conversation and friendship...if that’s something you’re open to. This will be at your pace. We can be brave together.”

She smiled at him then her gaze fell on their interlaced hands and she thought about this all for a moment. The idea of a mate didn’t have to be something burdensome or heavy. It could be friendship. It could be more. It could be nothing. They would decide it. 

A sense of ease washed over her, pleasantly surprised that he, Lucien — her mate, was the cause of it. This male who she had thought would be the cause of discomfort in her life had taken all her worries about this bond and eased them in one conversation. 

“I am open to that. I’d like to get to know you as a friend first.” Elain said with a shy smile.

“Elain please, calm yourself. What will the neighbors think?” he said with a grin and Elain laughed softly, pulling her hand away and slapping his lightly.

“They’re going to think the tea went cold and we haven’t even touched the cookies.”

“I can fix that.” he said, his grin widening as he pushed the plate of cookies towards her and let his hand settle on the teapot to heat it.

Elain rolled her eyes and chuckled. “I bet you work that trick into everything you do.”

“Stick around and you’ll find out soon enough, friend.”

She looked at him then, her gaze as firm as his, the two smiling at each other shyly. Elain thought back to the first moment she felt the tug from him, long ago in the House of Wind. It had been a strange sensation and at that point in her life, an unwelcome one. 

Elain found now, she didn’t mind the idea of having a friend that was tied to her soul. A friend that would understand her in a way no one else ever would. A friend that could...later on, be more. When she was ready. If they wanted to take that step. 

A step they would either take together or decide not to, together. A choice she would make. A decision she had the power in. 

Elain decided then that, no, she didn’t mind Lucien becoming her friend at all. In fact, as the sun continued to shine down on them and she basked in its warmth, she looked around his home and found herself at ease. As she looked at him, seated across from her, pouring her a cup of delicious-smelling tea, Elain found that she didn’t mind Lucien one bit. So she smiled again, taking the teacup he passed to her and said, 

“I look forward to it, friend.”

_____________________________________________________________

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Please let me know if you’d like to be tagged/untagged. Reblogging is always helpful and encouraging with feedback :))))

[moononastring]

Is it weird that I don’t like Elian on the books, like I despise her, but in your elucien fics I really like her. I mean it’s almost as if Lucien is able to bring out the real her and help her show her personality. And that I have a right not to like her because the books do her wrong with the potential she has.

First of all, thank you so much for reading my fics and enjoying my characterization of Elain! It means a lot when people love on my elucien fics because they're my babies and what got me back into writing. So thank you!! I'm glad you've enjoyed them 🥺💗

While I personally do like Elain in the books, the way you feel is fair and your right to feel. I think she's severely underdeveloped in the books which I fully believe SJM is doing on purpose. Elain isn't ready to be unleashed on us yet because other stories needed to be told first so we only see snippets of her. ACOSF definitely gave us a little more of her and I'm interested to see what else is there 👀 I think it's okay that people dislike her actions or behavior but I don't think she deserves the hate she's been getting. She just hasn't had the room to be seen by us or room for growth but it's coming!!! I personally can't wait for it! I mean, every Archeron girl gets hated on so it's almost Elain's rite of passage to be hated right now lmao.

The way I write her is where I can see SJM taking her character. Lucien is her mate. He's meant to bring out the best in her as she is meant to bring out the best in him. I think their interactions will do wonders for her character because Lucien isn't going to coddle or tolerate her BS for too long after they start truly spending time together. A mate is supposed to help you be the best version of yourself so I absolutely think she'll shine with his love & support.

As SJM said herself, there's a lot of healing and growth in store for them together. I can't wait 😌

[moononastring]

SJM Fanfic Masterlist

✨A Court of Thorns and Roses 

❉ Elucien

1. Bouquet Full of Loathing Rated SFW | Fluff & Humor | Flower Shop Modern AU - Person A owns a flower shop and person B comes storming in one day, slaps 20 bucks on the counter and says, “How do I passive-aggressively say fuck you in flower?” | 

2. Bouquet Full of Love Rated SFW | Fluff & Humor | Elain visits Lucien at work, new bouquet in hand. |

3. The Sun Rated SFW | Fluff with some angst | Elain has a nightmare and turns to her mate. |

4. No Place I’d Rather Be Rated SFW |  Fluff | Elain dealing with her nightmares again. |

5. A Light Against the Darkness  Rated SFW | Angst/fluff | Lucien battles his own nightmares with Elain there to sooth him. | 6. Forget Me Not Rated SFW | Fluff | Drunk Elain and her shenanigans. | 

7. Boys Night Out Rated SFW | Humor & fluff | Drunk Lucien forgetting what his wife looked like. – The other side to Forget Me Not. |

8. Sleeping Beauty Rated NSFW-ish | Fluff | ‘Wake me up’ kisses because foxboy and flower girl need to constantly lock lips. | 

9. A Fox & A Flower Crown Rated NSFW-ish but not really lol | Fluff + Humor | Elain has a vision and it, uh, has her feeling all types of ways. |

10.Tales of the Fox & the Fawn A series of short snippets to fill my Elucien heart. || Multi-chapter | Masterlist

11. Around the World Rated NSFW |  Prostitute/Client AU for laughs. Part 1 | Part 2 | Bonus

12. An Unexpected Visit Rated SFW | Drunk Lucien visiting Elain. | Fluff | 

13. Quiet Thunder SFW | Lucien expressing his frustrations to Elain. | Angst |

14. Quiet Thunder II SFW | This is a follow up to part one of Quiet Thunder where Lucien expresses his frustrations to Elain post-ACOFAS. This is the Elain follow up. | 

15. Morning Pranks SFW | Elucien fluff

16. First Kisses SFW | More Elucien fluff 

17. Instincts  SFW | Elucien moment Post-ACOSF

18. Instincts II SFW | A follow up to part one. 

19. Frenzy NSFW | Elain and Lucien like to spend their yearly mating anniversary fully wrapped in each other, sinking into a frenzy.

20. A Simple Request NSFW-ish | A still shy Elain finds a different way to tell her mate what she wants. Inspired by this tiktok.

21. Inspiration  Spicy |  Modern AU | Aspiring writer Elain Archeron is looking for some inspiration for her new novel when she happens to meet the perfect man for the job.

~~

❉Feysand

1. Do the Do Rated SFW | Rhysand x Reader (but really it’s Feyre) | Fluff & Humor || Rhysand taking care of your ridiculously drunk self. ||

2. Big Baby Rated SFW | Humor & fluff | Modern AU where Rhys gets drunk at the bar and calls Feyre to rant about how much he loves her. 

3. All It Takes is A Wingman SFW | ‘Hey I’m sorry to bother you but I’m trying to convince my friends I’m a sex god so can you please write a fake number on this napkin for me real quick’ Modern AU || 

~~

❉Nessian

1. Banned by the Boss Rated SFW | Nesta x Cassian (Nessian, Feyre x Rhys (Feysand), Elain x Lucien (Elucien)  | Fluff & Humor | Nesta pulling a mama bear move and banning both mating bonds of her sisters.  || 

2. Till the Darkness Dies Rated SFW | Angst and fluff | Nesta’s battle against her inner demons. ||                      

3. Butter My Muffin Rated SFW | Fluff | Nesta is a very soft girlfriend in private with Cassian combined with how I picture Drunk!Nesta. |

4. Oh, What a Night Rated SFW | Elucien + Nessian | Fluff | Nesta and Elain’s first Starfall, the two celebrating it in different ways. |

5. Protect & Serve Rated SFW | Fluff | Nesta has a nightmare and just wants to make sure Cassian is okay. | 

6. My Remedy  Rated SFW | Fluff | Cassian helping Nesta overcome her fear of the bathtub. |

7. Change of Pace Rated: Steamy | “i chickened out of sex ages ago and you haven’t brought it up since but now i really want it, but i’m terrible at communication, so let me just strip shirtless/model lingerie for you until you snap” -  Nessian Modern AU |

8. Weakness     Rated SFW | Steamy fluff | Based on my post here. | 

9. Bouquet Full of Lust | Fluff & Humor | Nesta gets a little taste of sisterly revenge.

10. My Curse to Bear | Rated SFW | Steamy fluff | Based on the prompt “Matching couple shirts that say “bearer of the curse” on one of them and ,“the curse” on the other”

~~

❉Gwynriel

1. Choices NSFW-ish | Gwyn makes choices for her happiness.

~

❉Azriel

1. An Ember Among the Shadows      Rated PG-13/M | Azriel x Lucy (OC)  | Drama and romance ||  A sibling reunion, new friendships forged, and a possible attempt at finding love. A story about our favorite Shadowsinger.      Chapter One

2. A Not So Secret Affair SFW | Azriel x Reader | Fluffy Azriel lovin’  | 

~~

❉Eris

1.Spirit Meets the Bones    Rated PG-13 | Eris x OC | Drama & Romance | An arranged marriage brought them together and beneath all the hate, the two are more alike than they’d like to be.

~~

❉Feyrhycien

1. Ice Cream Delights Rated: SFW | “God damnit , now all I can think about right now is you licking my cock like it’s that ice cream cone.” for Rhycien that turned into Feyrhycien.|

2. Barbie & Her Two Kens SFW | Bored/Drunk Feyre bothering her boys. | Modern AU | 

✨Throne of Glass 

Boner for You Rated SFW | Elide & Lorcan (Elorcan) | Humor & fluff | Fake Dating AU where Lorcan just wants Elide to be his girlfriend for a party and Elide wants to pretend she isn’t trilled about it. |

✨

Tumblr Prompts    Requested prompts of various ACOTAR/TOG characters.    Masterlist

[moononastring]

I was doing research on another character named Eris from a different series but did you know that Eris means 'strife'? Unfortunately fitting right?

Unfortunately so, my poor boy 🥲

It’s okay, I’m writing him a happy ending even if he has to suffer a little. SJM better do it too or we will have words 🤣

[moononastring]

Hi darling!! Did you use to have another url?🌸

Hello!! 🥰 Yes, tis I, ladyvanserra haha. I’ve been trying to tag my posts but it is very annoying on mobile and I haven’t figured out how to (if I even can) automatically do it 😆

[moononastring]

‘Nonnie that sent me the Eris x Iris headcanons ;;;;;;;;;;;

HOW COULD YOU SAY YOU’RE WASTING MY TIME ;;;;;;;;;;;

I’m so ;;;;;;;;;;;;; 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 my heart is so 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

[moononastring]

you guys ;;;;;

[moononastring]

For a hot second I thought you had left and I was like, I didn't even get to say goodbye and wish her the best 💔💔 But anywho, we love the new name, we love the new aesthetic, we love the new vibe, we love to have you around.

And I LOVE YOUUUU ♥️♥️♥️ THANK YOU BBY ♥️♥️♥️

Now we both know I’m too sucked into this hell site for my to leave abruptly without making a goodbye scene HAHA. I care about y’all too much not to say goodbye 🥲♥️