#previously ‘three’ has made me cry buckets but today this one got me

[perriewinklenerdie]

I’m the powder, you’re the fuse (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

Open Heart, Ethan Ramsey x MC

A/N:  Hello, hello, hello! It's smut time! I'm pretty sure it's been six months since I last wrote smut, so be gentle with me :D It's part of the Ever Since I Met You series (can be read as a separate fic, all you need to know is that Ethan and Claire got married before she started working with him) This work is NSFW, you have been warned.

AO3 link:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23686729

Tag list:   @paleweasels, @hopelessromantic1352, @kittykatchoices, @valiantlychaoticbarbarian , @radlovedreamer , @usuallyamazinglyaverage, @strawberrwess @palestazure, @cordoniaqueensworld, @universallypizzataco, @princess-geek, @faithhasnowords, @mightyfangirlofthefandoms, @drakewalkerfantasy, @timmagicktoad, @laceandlula, @greywitchyshots, @llamasgrl, @gingerjane15, @bucket-harrington , @marywrites-things , @ethanplaysfavorites , @mfackenthal , @betelgeusebee , @simsvetements,  @i-only-signed-up-for-fanfiction, @buzz-bee-buzz, @owleyes374, @cora-nova, @aworldoffandoms, @l822, @cream-ray, @ughhhxjazzy, @silverlitskies, @justendlesssummerfeels, @togetherwearerapture, @desmaranj, @edgiestwinter, @friedherringclodthing, @daisy-ashton, @waytooattuned, @choicesgremlin , @lapisreviewsstuff, @the-soot-sprite, @writerapprentice, @chasingrobbie, @choicesobsessedd, @x-kyne-x, @thisperfectmemory, @drakewalker04, @rookie-ramsey, @jlynn12273, @thepinknymph @dr-brianna-casey-valentine, @a-i-n-a-a-s-h 

Enjoy! <3

-------------

The tranquility of his office provided the much-needed silence that his head longed for after a day of work. It seemed as though the second he closed the door behind him, all the tension began to fade away. His phone was pressed to his ear, his mind focused on the sole reason he’s going through the day as swiftly as he is.

“It’s really hard to focus on anything really, when all that is on my mind is you.” he muttered under his breath, a delicate smile pulling on the corners of his lips. He was met with a bright laughter on the other end of the line, making his heart skip a beat.

“I would make fun of you, if it wasn’t for a fact that I feel exactly the same. Maybe that’s why my professor had to ask me a question twice today…” Claire trailed off, and if Ethan had to guess, he’d say she was smiling. He sat down in his office chair, leaning back as his eyes swiped over the books on the shelf.

“I’m that distracting to you, huh? Can’t say I mind that.”

“You’re saying that as though you didn’t have Naveen repeat the patient information three times because, and I quote “you had dreamy eyes, practically swooning”.” She shot back, laughter coloring her tone.

“How do you… Naveen. I knew that you two having each other’s phone numbers was a bad idea.” He muttered, running his hand over his face. The vision of her face flooded his mind, relaxing his muscles a bit, taking away from the frustration he felt. “Will I be seeing you today?”

‘Unfortunately, no. We just finished the last lecture and now we’re going to grab something to eat and then hit the bar.” Claire’s voice betrayed her anticipation to kick back and not worry about her academic duties for one night. There was an underlying sliver of regret that he wouldn’t be joining her, but he expressed time and time again that he didn’t really feel comfortable with her university friends and they both knew that she should have a space of her life that wasn’t completely occupied by him. Ethan was the very first man in her life that understood that need for space, and when he told her about it, she was so happy she could cry. She loved him and he loved her, the mutual trust and understanding were a big part of that.

“And here I was, hoping to occupy all your thoughts for the night.” He trailed off, smirking at the suggestion in his words. Her laughter cracked on the other end of the line, warming him on the inside.

“I’ll hold you to it the next time we see each other. Until then, have a good evening, Dr. Ramsey.”

“Be careful out there and have fun, Miss Herondale.” He bid her goodbye, looking back to his workload with dread in his eyes. It was going to be a very long afternoon, and an even longer evening, since he didn’t have anything specific to look forward to after work.

His phone rang shortly, signaling an incoming text. Upon unlocking the screen, he saw her face, smiling brightly, surrounded by her friends. He smiled wider, despite himself, then put his phone down to get back to his papers.

------------

The sun has set hours ago, leaving the streets of Boston in complete darkness, save for the streetlamps that lit the way for his car. Jenner greeted him as soon as he stepped over the threshold of his apartment, barking at the sight of Claire missing from his side. He petted him for a while, then went to prepare dinner for himself.

It wasn’t anything unusual for him to be alone in the evenings. Most of the days of the week ended that way for him, for she was only staying with him for three days a week, despite them agreeing to four in a memorable game of Monopoly a few weeks back. As it almost always happened, life got in the way and they had to reduce that number by one. That gave them still plenty of time together, while not interfering with their schedules and duties.

That being said, every time she went out with her friends, he got that quiet voice in the back of his head to be on alert, just in case something went south. It was worse in the beginning, when they were still getting to know each other, and the feeling intensified when one of her friends got attacked after they went home one of those nights. They were both better now, both mostly over the paranoia that took over their lives for the first week after that incident, but the caution remained, for better or worse.

Throughout the evening, he got plenty of updates from her in a form of various photos, both taken by her and her friends. It wasn’t that Ethan didn’t like those people, they all knew him and got along with him splendidly, it’s just that he preferred to not get dragged to one bar after the other. Those years were far behind him, or, at least, that’s what he claimed was the case for him. Claire made fun of him for being old and teased him about them having too many years apart, grinning like a mad woman when he picked her up and kissed her senselessly, pouring all of him into the act.

It must have been well after ten in the evening when his book reading was interrupted by a gentle knock on his door. He wasn’t expecting anyone, but there was a chance that his neighbor came to complain about Jenner barking, again, no matter how many times they talked about it. He stood up, still reading, and went to open his door.

“Can I help you-“ he started,  pulling his gaze away from the passage of the novel he was reading and aiming it at the person in the hallway. To his surprise, Claire’s bright eyes stared right back at him, her teeth sunken into her lower lip gently, teasingly.

“You can help me by pulling that sweater off.” She mused, walking towards him confidently. She kicked the door shut with her heel, wrapping his tie around her hand and pulling on it, making him stumble towards her. The book fell to the ground with an empty thud, forgotten in the hurricane of endorphins that rushed through his bloodstream.

Her back hit the door, her hand resting on his shoulder made its way down his chest, slowly, teasingly, tracing the lines of his muscles beneath the material of the shirt. A pleasant shiver followed her every move, his eyes watching her with adoration, giving himself up to her, being completely at her mercy.

Eventually, her hand reached his pants, her nails scraping the top seam with a look of wonder in her eyes. She breathed out deeply, as though she didn’t have anything else to do, so she might as well be doing this.

Without a warning, she hooked her finger into the beltloop, pulling him against her even more, the force combined with the one already existing from her grip on his tie causing him to slam his body against hers in the most pleasurable way one could be colliding with someone.

He groaned slightly, slowly reading into the game she had planned for them. The confidence that she glowed with stunned him into oblivion, like waking up from a trance. His hands, previously at his sides, hanging there aimlessly, now reached as far down her legs as they could, dragging upwards with the slightest of touches, rising the light material of her dress up along with them. The moment he reached her hips, his grip tightened, the fabric still bunched up, exposing her stockings and the skin of her thighs to the cool air of his apartment.

“Don’t move.” She whispered, moving her hands to the lapels of his sweater to push it down his arms. He complied, helping her remove it, then resumed his hold on her. She grinned at his eagerness to go along with her actions, nudging his chin with her nose.

“I thought you were going out this evening.” he noted, pressing circles into her hipbones with his thumbs. Her hands travelled up to the knot of his tie, working it off in unhurried motions.

“It’s technically night. I thought about you being in here, bored and all alone… I just couldn’t resist. But I suppose… “ she explained briefly, undoing the tie with precise movement. “… I could leave… “ the material fell loose, allowing her to grab both ends with her hands and wrap them around her wrists. With one strong move, their faces were aligned, noses touching, breaths quickening with excitement. “… If you want me to.”

“Don’t.” he panted, snaking his arms up and around her waist, pressing their bodies flush against one another. Her cheekbones went up as she smiled, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip absentmindedly. His voice was hoarse when his eyes fell to her lips, his pupils dilating.  “I lose my mind when you do that. You don’t know what you’re doing to me, do you.”

Claire brushed her fingers up the lines of his neck, hooking her index fingers behind his ears to grab his face securely. She shook her head at his words, her green irises sparkling in the dim light. “Maybe I know exactly what I’m doing to you.” Leaning forward, she let their lips brush together, just for a second, just enough for a spark to jump between them. Just enough to give him a taste of what was to come. “Maybe I like it.”

The last bit of restraint flew out the window, the hot and intense want burning beneath his skin. Claire’s lips pressed against his once more, the touch fleeting, barely palpable. Then again, more pressure, still gentle, after which she leaned back to gauge his reaction. He was breathing shallowly, his eyes almost closed in anticipation.

Mercifully, generously, she pressed their lips together, but she didn’t move them yet. It was a game that she intended to win, and a bit of teasing wouldn’t kill them. He breathed in sharply at the contact, focusing on reading her actions. His hands caressed her back gently, reveling in the softness of her body beneath the material.

After what felt like an eternity and a half, she fell back against the door even further than before, pulling him along with her, finally kissing him like she meant to. A quiet moan rose in the back of her throat, in perfect symphony with his groan, mixing and falling around them.

Ethan’s hand traveled up her spine, wrapping his fingers around the back of her neck and pulling their faces even closer together. Their lips clashed with bruising force, tongues brushing once, twice, tempting the other with slow and insecure movements. Intensity skyrocketed when her hand once again made its way down his chest and between their bodies, dipping two fingers beneath the ridge of his jeans and pulling him against her. He bit back a groan that threatened to ring in the quiet room, standing out like a scream in the dead of the night.

The way their bodies moved put all kinds of images into his mind, but it wasn’t in his nature to wander into the territory that wasn’t his to roam, so with an effort that boarded on being painful, he pulled away from her, his hold on her just as tight as moments before.

“Claire, do you-“

“I want you to take those clothes off.” She breathed out, reaching for the first button of his shirt. He followed her lead, still unsure where they were standing. “I think it’s time we stop being so formal.”

I think it’s time you make love to me is what she meant to say, and he got the meaning perfectly well.

“Like we were ever formal to begin with.” He pointed out, working on the buckle of his belt while she finished her way down the middle of his chest. Maneuvering around his wrists, she undid the smaller buttons on his cuffs, then finally reached to touch his skin beneath the shirt.

Halting his efforts to take his jeans off, she pushed the fabric away from his arms, leaning forward to press her lips to the hollow of his throat. The skin was hot to touch, as though he had fever, and given the circumstance they were in, his temperature was perfectly normal.

“You’re making it impossible to focus.” His voice didn’t resemble his own, his throat tightening at the sensation of her lips following the line of his muscles to his collarbone. With much more effort than he anticipated, he finally got rid of his pants, standing before her in his underwear. She pushed him away slightly, leaning back against the door herself to give herself a good vantage point.

“I promise to be as distracting for you as I can.”

Claire’s eyes started their journey from his feet and moved upwards, focusing on the lines and dips in the outline of his muscles. His whole body felt like it was on fire. Everywhere she looked, everywhere her eyes lingered, left hot flash and goosebumps in its wake. Unsurprisingly, she barely brushed the general area of his hips, completely missing the point, instead moving upwards almost immediately, making a mental note to follow all the lines she’s seeing with her tongue sometime in the future.

At last, her gaze reached his face, and it focused on his lips for a suspicious amount of time. Teasingly, he opened them, just slightly, waiting for a reaction, but got none. When their eyes finally met, it was as though something clicked. Both were unable to move for a few lingering moments, and then they crashed against each other like a wave crashes onto the shore.

Hands everywhere, legs tangling in an awkward position, lips coming together and separating messily as they moved down the hall and into the bedroom. Right as they reached the bed, she turned them around and pushed him onto the mattress with a smirk. He looked up at her with adoration and wild desire, irises so dark they might as well have been black.

“You’re overdressed.” He panted, pressing his palms into the comforter to keep himself from reaching out for her. She flashed him a teasing smile, then slowly crouched, grabbing the hems of her dress. Dragging the fabric up her body, she observed closely how his eyes watched her every move, how they devoured every new piece of her that got uncovered.

Inch by inch, she revealed the black stockings, still trapped in her heels. Then her panties, navy blue lace, matching the color of her bra that got revealed mere seconds later. Her hair fell down her back when the dress was finally removed, the piece of fabric being thrown to the floor in the back of the room. She put her hands on her hips, tilting her head to the side, awaiting his reaction.

At that clear invitation, he sat up on the edge of the bed and beckoned her to come closer to him. She complied, coming to a stop a few inches away from him, just barely within his grasp. Looking up at her, she noticed the spark of mischief, and then his hands were on her hips and she was being pulled way closer to him, after which, it was all peaceful again.

He traced the lines of the stockings mindlessly, dipping his finger beneath them once or twice. With just the tips of his fingers, he trailed a path up to her panties, following the intricate patterns of it, teasing her mercilessly. Everywhere he touched felt like coming alive, again and again. He ran a single finger over the line in the center, prompting her legs to spread just enough for him to tease her briefly before he retreated. She protested with a whimper, swaying just a bit.

“It sounds as though you want something.” He asked, straight and without any veils to cover his intention. She huffed, shaking her head to let her hair fall behind her shoulders.

“I want you to take my underwear off and stop playing around.”

“But I like teasing you so much.” he grinned, softly at first, and then even wider when he met her eyes and saw the frustration in them.

He hooked his fingers into the sides of her panties, dragging them down her legs slowly, not making it any easier on her. The sound of her heavy breath, her tiny whimpers of anticipation were the music for his ears, the most personal and perfect melody, only for him to enjoy.

Once he reached her ankles, he helped her lose her shoes, pondering upon the idea of leaving the stockings on for a moment before deciding to take them off. He wanted to feel her, not the fabric that covered her body.

Ethan sat back up, waiting for a long moment, riling her up a bit more, and just when she was about to say something, he reached towards her with his fingers, prompting her thighs apart. With the soft touch, he ran his fingertips along the lines of the inside of her thighs, getting closer and closer to her center, but never quite reaching it. Right as the words of annoyance were about to fall off the tip of her tongue, he ran a finger through her folds.

Her whole body stiffened, the sensation being much more stimulating than she expected. It’s been a while since she was intimate with anyone, but she remembered what it was like. And all of those times had nothing on what she was feeling right now. He didn’t stop at that, instead continuing with his ministrations, tracing circles around her most sensitive parts, running up and down from time to time. Claire’s breathing was getting heavier by each second that passed with his touch on her, and just when she thought about taking a step back to undress him, he found her clit and pressed on the bundle of nerves gently.

A surprised yelp escaped her lips, causing her to double over and grab his shoulders for support. His face was pressed against her stomach, allowing her to feel the smirk that bloomed on his face. And he was just getting started.

Slowly at first, he ran small circles in that exact spot. Alternating with various pressures and movements, he listened to her moans and whimpers, learning her body as he went.

“Those moans of yours won’t leave my head for weeks.” He groaned under his breath, taking his touch away from her.

Any sign of protest was lost the moment he pressed a finger into her. She breathed out slowly, awaiting his next move, getting lost in the pace he set for her. Adding a second one made it impossible to keep silent anymore, the sound of pleasure ringing straight into his ear as she leaned down over his shoulder to try and catch any amount of air.

“Right there…” she breathed out softly, gathering enough strength to lean back into somewhat of a standing position. Ethan looked up into her eyes, then slowly, while maintaining eye contact with her, pressed his lips to her clit and grazed it with his tongue.

The new sensation tore a low groan out of her, her grip on his shoulders tightening. His fingers continuously moved in and out of her and combined with the feeling of his tongue grazing the sensitive nerve endings, provided the sensation that felt so impossibly good, she could cry. Her hips began gently moving along with his actions, seeking friction and stimulation that she yearned for.

His other arm wrapped around her lower back, holding her upwards as he worked her more and more intensely, and when his teeth grazed her, all the tension and pleasure that has been building reached its peak and she came with a silent scream, breathing heavily as waves crashed through her. She was grateful for him keeping her up, for she was certain she would have fallen if he hadn’t.

He slowed his actions bit by bit, helping her ride out the aftershocks of her orgasm, and then he retreated entirely, running his hands up and down her sides soothingly.

“Oh god.” She managed to mutter after who knows how long, finally able to stand up on her own. He was looking at her as though she was a miracle, and she was pretty sure there was a very prominent sense of pride on his features too. She leaned down, kissing him gingerly, tasting herself on his lips.

“You’re beautiful.” He told her, stroking her skin continuously. She laughed gently, massaging his shoulders.

He continued his journey up her body, tracing the lines of her bra, slipping the straps off her shoulders, one, then the other, before reaching behind her and undoing the clasp, letting the garment fall aimlessly to the floor.

With the touch so light that she could have sworn it was barely there, he traced the outline of her nipple, then ran his thumb over the sensitive flesh with equally gentle touch. While continuing his actions, he kissed up her stomach and settled his lips around her other nipple, kissing and sucking gently, running his tongue over it. A shuddered breath escaped her lips, her head falling back as her eyes closed.

He let her skin go, continuing his journey up, reaching her arms and then making his way down her arms until he reached her hands, lacing their fingers together. They stared at one another for a while before she spoke again.

“Okay, handsome, time to level the playing field. Up.” she nodded towards him, pulling him to his feet. He hesitated, shaking his head, indicating that she didn’t have to do anything, but she silenced him with one look, grinning teasingly. “If I don’t have you right here, right now, I will lose my mind. Come on, you’re overdressed, stop stalling.”

She dragged his boxers down his legs, then trailed her hands up against his skin. Her nails teased him out of nowhere, causing him to gasp in surprise, and then once more when she pushed him onto the bed again and straddled him.

“Now tell me, what were your plans for tonight?” she asked, pressing their bodies a bit closer together. His eyes flashed dangerously, but nevertheless, he tried to focus and remember what he was supposed to be doing while she was gone.

“I was going to go over the files again, drink some tea, finish the book that we so rudely threw onto the floo- oh…” he started listing all the plans he made, but in an instant, they became irrelevant. Looking straight into his eyes, she sank down onto him, watching with a smirk how his face expression morphed from a neutral to a tense one, and then laced with sparks of pleasure.

“All that work will have to wait, I’m afraid. I’m terribly sorry.” She ran her fingers through his hair, then moved her hips up and down, slowly at first, then with a bit more speed, keeping the tempo steady.

“I’m not.” He confessed, teasing the skin of her back with his fingers as he held her in his arms. The tension kept on building steadily, with each move or her hips against his, with every word of a hushed conversation that they had. “Did you plan this all along?”

“You mean did I plan to come here… and seduce you instead of… drinking my ass off in a bar with my friends?” she asked, rolling her hips in an opposite direction experimentally, a surprised moan cutting her words off momentarily, then again and again. His own brain was beginning to get too clouded to think straight and he had no idea how much longer he would be able to have a conversation with her. Claire’s lips brushed against his ear as she whispered. “Yes, I did.”

“I’m not sure if I should be glad for the surprise or relieved that I’m on the receiving end of this heaven.” His sentence turned into a moaning confession when she squeezed him with her inner muscles, watching with satisfaction how he stumbled over his words, seeing the warning signs of his breaking point approaching.

Her movements became more desperate, her hand brushing against his lips to stop him from talking more, then grabbed his shoulders and began riding him, grinding against him, her head falling back, exposing her neck to his ministrations.

His hands grabbed her hips, helping her move up and down, his own hips snapping upwards, creating a different angle every time he entered her. Her whimpers were telling enough for him to know that she needed more, and knowing her body more than he did three hours ago, he moved his right hand between them, finding her clit and pressing his fingers up and down against it.

Immediately, he was awarded with a deep moan from her, her words breathed out into the night. “A little to the right- that’s it, oh god…”

The slowness and tenderness were a bit further away from them than they were moments before. Their movements turned desperate, both chasing release, both craving the relief that would crash against them in mere moments. He felt himself approaching the limit but willed himself to wait until he was sure she was satisfied.

Their lips met in sloppy kisses, the constant rocking of their bodies making it almost impossible to kiss properly. With a couple more strokes of his fingers, she clenched around him and came with his name on her lips, hanging onto him as though she was drowning. Her nails sunk into the skin of his back, the pain such a contrast to the pleasure he felt, triggering his own orgasm, his grip on her tightening slightly as he pressed his hips up against hers and kept her there, hiding his face in the juncture of her shoulder. Their cries mixed, ringing against the walls and falling into the dead silence when the aftershocks finally subsided.

She ran her fingers through his hair absentmindedly, catching her breath with her eyes closed. After a long moment, she got up from his lap and left him with a wink, disappearing behind the bathroom door to clean herself up.

Ethan fell back against the pillows on his bed, staring at the ceiling. When he was thinking about their first time together, he had something else in mind, but nothing he could ever come up with would match what they just did.

Claire walked back into the bedroom, wearing the shirt he wore that day, smiling cheekily at him when she jumped into his arms, resting her head on his chest. He embraced her, pressing his lips to her forehead, his fingers tracing abstract patterns on the skin of her shoulder, peaking from underneath the fabric of his shirt.

“So… how did this evening compare to what you wanted to be doing?” she asked slowly, a playful undertone in her voice, but he also could sense a sliver of insecurity. His grip on her tightened, pressing them closer as he covered them with a blanket.

“I couldn’t imagine a better evening if I tried.” He replied, looking down at her with an amused face. She gazed up at him, immediately bursting out laughing, nuzzling against his chest.

“I sure hope so. They had a discount for med school students tonight at the bar I like, but I didn’t go. If you said it wasn’t worth it…” she wondered out loud, coaxing a laugh out of him. She leaned up, their noses touching, eyes meeting. “… you would be in trouble.”

[heckoffmate]

Top 10 Best TF2 Shorts

In ascending order:

(Note: I'm not certain with the decisions made when I composed this list, but I made it and I'll stick with it, because it I try to make it perfect it'll never get done.)

10) Meet the Demoman

Reason: Not very noteworthy at all. I can't think of a single quote I've ever recited. I know them, but they're not quotable. However, I enjoy the part where a grenade activates as it rolls off the Demo's desk. So it's not as if it's terrible.

9) Meet the Heavy

Reason: Not very noteworthy either, but at least he yells, "WHO TOUCHED MY GUN?!" Very close competition to the Demo, I'll admit, but for that one joke I find this short more watchable.

8) Meet the Scout

Reason: It took me a full minute to realise I didn't include this on the list. My thought process was essentially, "There are 9 classes and Expiration Date, why is there an empty spot... OH, SCOUT!" To be honest, the material in his short is quite as mundane to me as the previous two, but at least he's got good quotes. A very quotable video.

7) Meet the Engineer

Reason: Since the Engineer is only in one location with no cutaways it can be a kinda boring video, but the dialogue is capturing enough. He makes good points and a really good joke ("Use more gun"). Also, he seems very friendly and open until the end, where his voice gets low as he borderline threatens the camera, and that's pretty badass.

6) Meet the Pyro

Reason: The animation is awesome, particularly the lighting. And we get the very meme-able "I fear no man" quote. Like, straight up though, I do really love this video, I love the gruesome violence and the pure horror exhibited by the BLU, hell, even the RED team. The only reason it's lower on the list is because it doesn't have enough good jokes. If we were rating these solely on how cool they look, it'd be first, but comedy is too important to me.

5) Meet the Spy

Reason: Solid, absolutely quality jokes. A whole string of beautiful ones at one point, "That would be your mother," "Now he's here to fuck us," and "Pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing that happen to you today." They're all within about three shots and they're hilarious. The fact that they are so close together adds to the comedy because it keeps the viewer laughing.

4) Expiration Date

Reason: Soldier. Is. Adorable. I love the Soldier as a character, but in this particular short they ignore the American soldier motif in place of the adorably stupid, senseless side of him. He misunderstands everything said to him, "We cannot teleport bread anymore," "We are going to live forever," overreacts in the beginning of the bucket scene, and took the suggest of teleporting bread literally. And his train of thought is just so off the tracks. All this man wanted was a bucket and to teleport bread. I could talk about his behaviour in this short for days. One scene commonly overlooked is his first lines in the short, "Oh, hello, Miss Pauling! We killed everyone and took a briefcase!" and "Goodbye, Miss Pauling. I am leaving the van now." God, I love him, I love him, I love him. Other than that, there's the "Seduce me" scene which is very funny, especially the part where he yells it. And god help me if him saying, "I'm a woman" won't always be funny.

3) Meet the Sniper

Reason: I put this especially high because I just can't get over the two good jokes in the short. They both have essentially the same punchline, but it's just so good. He accidentally shoots an enemy Demo's scrumpy, and the Demoman stumbles while shooting grenades wildly. The Demoman falls backwards, with the grenades landing on and killing him. The Sniper's only reaction to this turn of events is, "Oh." The events themselves were pretty hilarious, but that last word really seals it. The other joke I like is, "I think his mate saw me. *Bullets whiz past* Yes, yes, he did!" I believe what I like about it is the fact that it's pretty obvious the mercenary saw him, but the way Sniper has some witty remark at the end of a scene makes the whole thing complete. It's hard to explain.

2) Meet the Medic

Reason: The Medic is an awesome character. He's the most cheerful character and yet, with some tough competition between the Pyro and Soldier, the most batshit crazy. Whether or not he's the most insane, his insanity is certainly highlighted by his optimistic nature. He treats very serious matters during open heart surgery with a simple, "Oh, well". The man you're operating on is awake? Shrug. Your dove got inside his chest cavity? Birds will be birds. You've broken one of his ribs? No use crying over spilt milk. Also, he's the only character Heavy (You know, the big, aggressive guy who calls his enemies babies?) has allowed to call him a BABY while pinching his cheek snd that's pretty top.

1) Meet the Soldier

Reason: As previously mentioned, I love the Soldier, so obviously I'm going to put his short at the top of the list. It displays again his weird logic, explaining how Sun Tzu bought two of every animal on Earth then "beat the crap out of every single one." The facts in his head are obviously jumbled up. Yet he ties it all together with the explanation that everytime a group of animals are together in one place it's called a Tzu, which he mistook Zoo for. And the finishing "farm" line is just hilarious, and I can't even explain it. That's essentially the Soldier, I ramble on in this list trying to explain his appeal and why he's hilarious but he's just so... Magical.

[enchantedamusedslightlyconfused]

73 questions.

I was tagged by @wescoasts @machine-gun-casie (BABES)

Almost all my friends have been tagged and I don't wanna be that asshole so ill try not to be. I tag @awkwardrocker @backoftheroomandnotbelonging @trixiehoe @she-who-is-timey-wimey

On a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now?

Well it’s finals week so about -864. After that I have two weeks of legitimate nothing where I will bake my heart out so we’ll see

Describe yourself in a hashtag?

#yikes #ughshesinherfeelsagain 

If you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be?

Milo Ventimiglia, Kells, Rook.....being a music video love interest is only my life’s pipe dream 

If your life was a musical, what would the marquee say?

And that’s on daddy issues and no supervision...

What’s one thing people don’t know about you?

I used to model like went to modeling school and got paid for it type shit

What’s your wakeup ritual?

get woken up by my dog tired of hearing my alarm, walk said opinionated quadruped, feed quadruped, get dressed, COFFEE, then take life as it comes

What’s your go to bed ritual?

melatonin gummies (gotta make anxiety fun), skincare when executive dysfunction will allow, brush teeth, fight dog for my spot in bed (moving a 90lb animal is no joke), turn on my sleep playlist or use my ambient noise app, stare at ceiling

What’s your favorite time of day?

witching hour followed by golden hour

Your go to for having a good laugh?

lately tiktok and Kellyvisions, previously vine compilations or Netflix specials

Dream country to visit?

Ireland. I NEED to go to the motherland. My families castle is still standing and I get in for free. its on my bucket list FOR SURE. 

What’s the biggest surprise you’ve had?

getting into nursing school and chiropractic school. I’m a loser and I’ve never had a surprise party. I’d melt in puddle of love tbh

Heels or flats/sneakers?

Flats 98% of the time. Heels are reserved for business casual necessity, Halloween, or if I’m feeling myself 

Vintage or new?

both, depends on the item

Who do you want to write your obituary?

Amy-Sherman Palladino 

Style icon?

lmao a what? on the real though catch me fucking with those eco-friendly kitchen witch vibes. All the dainty jewelry, linens and converse/docks fam

What are three things you can’t live without?

my dog, my family (found and blood), healing people however I can (medicine ruined me for any other career and its sucks you guys)

What’s one ingredient you put in everything?

tbh salt, I question a recipes validity if salt isn't involved 

What 3 people living or dead would you like to make dinner for?

Kells and the band (I'd be too nervous for a one on one), a dinner party with my MGK fam, Elvis

What’s your biggest fear in life?

Failure, not accomplishing anything 

Window or aisle seat?

window all day everyday, on the wing preferably cause I like to feel the landing gear #pilotsgranddaughter 

What’s your current TV obsession?

Roadies forever, pry that series from my cold dead hands (also Gilmore Girls and Criminal Minds)

Favorite app?

tie between Tumblr and Pinterest (im an aesthetic slut)

Secret talent?

I am bomb at disney princess songs, the girls I babysit for treat me like a jukebox at bedtime, cutest thing ever

Most adventurous thing you’ve done in your life?

delivered a baby has hands down been the coolest thing I’ve ever done

How would you define yourself in three words?

I fucking hate this question. always have. empathetic, resilient, intuitive 

Favourite piece of clothing you own?

overall: my senior prom dress. its emerald green, backless, with a slit to upper thigh chefs kiss 

everyday wear: Colorado sweatshirt

Must have clothing item everyone should have?

I second Jude: over sized hoodies

Superpower you would want?

nonspecific healing powers so they aren't limited to physical ailments

What’s inspiring you in life right now?

Colson

Best piece of advice you’ve received?

HA. probably that the body remembers more about trauma than the mind and your seemingly irrational physical reactions to things are your brain’s attempt to protect you

Best advice you’d give your teenage self?

his mistake does not define your worth. I went for a variant of these boys aint shit don't judge me cause she needs to hear it

A book that everyone should read?

Harry Potter series (yes the whole thing), Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson, Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson, The Giver by Lois Lowry 

What would you like to be remembered for?

empathy, the way I made people feel

How do you define beauty?

FOR THE LAST TIME ITS SUBJECTIVE, things that give you peace, it could be a song, a person, a sunset, a scone, a leaf. If it makes you stop a second and exhale then its beautiful to you

What do you love most about your body?

holy trigger question Batman...my eyes, my hair color, texture, and its ability to grow

Best way to take a rest/decompress?

drive with the windows down and blast music while singing at the top of my lungs

Favorite place to view art?

unexpected places, like street corners, carnivals, just somewhere it takes you off guard and makes you stop and pay attention

If your life were a song, what would the title be?

it’d be one of those crazy long 2000s fall out boy titles for sure, subject matter yet to be determined 

If you could master one instrument, what would it be?

violin hands down, it hits me different

If you had a tattoo, where would it be?

I have a bunch planned, plane on my right shoulder, Kells related between 3rd and 4th ribs (maybe lower in case I ever need a chest tube), watercolor portrait of my dog at some point location TBD

Dolphins or koalas?

dolphins are stoners and they're super smart, but koalas cause they’re grumpy af and honestly same

What’s your spirit animal?

again Jude and I are vibin: I've been identifying with a phoenix as of late. according to pottermore im a greyhound though (yes a patrons is a wizarding spirit animal. fight me)

Best gift you’ve ever received?

seven year old me was stoked to get a functional microscope and metal detector, I was in my egyptology/archeology phase, I still have them lmao

Best gift you’ve ever given?

oh hell idk...I made my cousin cry once cause I made cupcakes for her birthday party, they were cherry limeade flavored and had little straws and everything. that was pretty cool, granted she was seven. I also made my teacher cry cause I made sea salt caramel chocolate cupcakes for her going away party. I guess my baking brings people to tears

What’s your favourite board game?

candy land, battleship, cards against humanity even though there isn't a board

What’s your favourite colour?

forest green atm

Least favourite colour?

bright yellow/orange, its offensive to my general The Dirt Mick Mars disposition

Diamonds or pearls?

pearls (actually opals though)

Drugstore makeup or designer?

not picky provided they are evironmentally friendly. I really like Besame Cosmetics though

Blow-dry or air-dry?

air-dry, I don't have the patience for blow drying

Pilates or yoga?

yoga

Coffee or tea?

COFFEE, im still learning to like tea

What’s the weirdest word in the English language?

holy shit how much time do we have, my favorite weird word to say is fistula or omphalocele (they're medical conditions, don't goole it unless you have a strong stomach) 

Dark chocolate or milk chocolate?

dark chocolate

Stairs or elevator?

stairs 

Summer or winter?

neither FALL BITCHES   winter if I had to pick cause I love Christmas 

You are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat?

burgers

A desert you don’t like?

red velvet cake....just why is it a thing that exists 

A skill you’re working on mastering?

baking scones or shit that’s flaky in general 

Best thing to happen to you today?

being tagged to do this twice, I felt special for a hot second (thanks babes)

Best compliment you’ve ever received?

that I would make a good doctor (I handled a scary pt situation like a champ, they didn't know I threw up after I made sure my pt didn't die. puking in a foreign country on the download is a skill in and of itself)

Favorite smell?

bergamot, baking bread, baking spice cakes at Christmas

Hugs or kisses?

HUGS CAN SAVE THE WORLD

If you made a documentary, what would it be about?

gifted kid fall off

Last piece of content you consumed that made you cry?

In These Walls - Machine Gun Kelly

Casual Sabotage - Yungblud

genius assholes...

Lipstick or lip gloss?

lipstick for special occasions but actually tinted chapstick or lip stains 

Sweet or savoury?

savory to eat sweet to make for someone else

Girl crush?

Brittney Furlan Lee, Alexis Bledel, Lauren Graham 

How you know you’re in love?

you look at them and just say yep. them. usually while they're doing something stupid 

Song you can listen to on repeat?

imma out myself but Swing Life Away - Machine Gun Kelly

If you could switch lives with someone for a day who would it be?

the grass is not greener ya’ll. id rather go back and relive days 

What are you most excited about at this time in your life?

hopefully passing my first trimester of chiropractic school. fingers crossed pls

[littlej097]

The Man Cold

Prompt: Blaine Anderson does not simply get a cold. He get’s a “Man Cold” and this time, Kurt is simply not putting up with it.  Klaine sick!fic

If there was a season that Kurt Hummel hated most, it was definitely winter. One would think winter would be a wonderful time filled with holidays, family time, and adventures out in the snow, but they would be wrong. Winter was a time filled with stress, too much traveling and stomach bugs. That last one had hit the Anderson-Hummel family hard this winter. It all started with Jacob, their 4 year, who came home from preschool complaining that his belly hurt. Kurt figured he was just hungry and proceeded to strap him into the back of the minivan before heading to the driver’s seat himself. They got halfway home before Kurt heard a noise and looked back in horror as he watched his son vomit all over himself.

“Oh baby, it’s okay.” Kurt cooed as he pulled over. At this point, Jacob was full on screaming, completely covered in vomit. Kurt groaned as he slid the back van door open. Instantly, the smell hit him and he tried to keep from vomiting himself. “Okay, buddy. It’s okay. You’re okay. Papa’s gonna get you all clean.” He quickly walked to the back of the trunk and grabbed a plastic bag that had luckily never made it out of the car after they went grocery shopping. He stripped Jacob’s shirt off of him and placed it in the bag and then moved to take off the little boy’s pants. Once all the vomit covered clothing was contained in the bag, Kurt grabbed Jacob’s blanket from off the floor and wrapped it around him. It wasn’t a great solution, but it would have to do for now. He strapped Jacob, who had finally stopped crying back into his carseat and prayed that they could make it home before his son threw up again.

Luckily, they made it home without another incident. Kurt went to the back and unbuckled his son and picked him up. The poor little boy was flushed and he felt like he had a fever. Normally, he was so independent. He always wanted to walk- rather run everywhere, but not today. Today he was content to lay in his father’s arms and rest his head on Kurt’s shoulder. Kurt kissed the top of his son’s head and headed inside. “Alright buddy, let’s get you some nice new jammies and then we’ll lay on the couch and watch some TV. How does that sound?” Jacob just nodded his head, not really seeming interested in television. Kurt walked down the hallway and set Jacob on his bed once they got into his room. He walked to his dresser and opened it only to remember that all the clean laundry was in his and Blaine’s room. He sighed. “I’ll be right back baby.” he said before walking further down the hallway to his own bedroom.

Once there, he was surprised to see a lump still in the bed. “What are you doing home?” Kurt asked, obviously waking a previously sleeping Blaine.

“I never left.” he coughed. “I think I have the flu.” Kurt walked over and placed a hand on Blaine’s forehead.

“You don’t feel warm.” Kurt replied.

“My throat is all scratchy. I can’t breathe out of my nose and my head hurts.” Blaine replied, as if to justify his current position.

“I believe you.” he replied. “You still don’t have a fever though.” Kurt grabbed the pair of pajamas and started towards the door.

“Wait? Where are you going?” Blaine called, his voice rough and hoarse sounding. “Stay with me.”

“I can’t.” Kurt replied, a bit too quickly. “Our son is sitting in his underwear on his bed because he threw up all over himself in the back of our car and I need to get to him.” Blaine didn’t have much to say after that, so Kurt left and got Jacob situated. They lay on the couch for most of the afternoon and Jacob threw up another two times, luckily into a bucket that Kurt had managed to grab this time.

Later in the afternoon, their eight year old, Lucy came home from school. Kurt gave her a snack and ushered her to her room, hoping to keep her away from as many germs as possible. One kid with a stomach bug was bad, but two...god, he didn’t even want to think about, especially because Blaine wasn’t being much of a help.

Blaine had lay in bed all day complaining about his head and stuffed up nose. Kurt loved his husband. He really did, but Blaine was the biggest baby when it came to him getting sick. After ten years of marriage, Kurt was done indulging him. He didn’t have a fever, so it clearly wasn’t the flu. At best, Blaine had a cold.

Later that night, Kurt tucked the kids into bed. Jacob luckily fell asleep and Kurt prayed that he’d stay that way. He kissed Lucy goodnight before climbing into bed himself. Instantly, Blaine wanted to cuddle. “Blaine, not tonight. I don’t want to get sick.” “Fine.” Blaine grumbled before flipping over, clearly upset with his husband. Kurt rolled his eyes and turned the other way and fell asleep. He awoke (for the first time) to find out that his husband had scooted his way over and practically wrapped his body around the his own. Kurt groaned and tried to push Blaine away, but wasn’t successful. He gave in and tried to go back to sleep. He was woken up for the second time that night by the call of “Papa!” from down the hallway.

“God no…” Kurt groaned as he came to and realization that it was Lucy’s voice and not Jacob’s. He pushed Blaine’s arms away from him and climbed out of bed and ran down the hall to Lucy’s room. He opened her door and instantly could smell what had just occurred. “Papa, I’m sorry.” she cried. “I threw up in my bed.”

“It’s okay honey.” Kurt cooed. He walked over and changed his daughter into fresh pajamas and then stripped the dirty sheets from her bed.

“Papa…” was all he needed to hear before quickly turning around. Lucy had her hand over her mouth and looked green. Kurt grabbed her under the arms and ran to the bathroom. They made it just in time before Lucy began throwing up. Kurt sighed and held back his daughter’s hair as she got sick.

“It’s okay honey. Let it all out.” Kurt soothed as he rubbed circles on Lucy’s back. When she was finished, Kurt helped her brush her teeth and the two of them headed into the living room where Kurt set up a makeshift bed, fully equipped with a bucket. Lucy crawled in and managed to fall back asleep and Kurt, not wanting to leave his daughter alone settled into the rocking chair and tried to sleep a little himself.

Lucy threw up four more times that night and when morning came, Kurt wasn’t feeling too hot either. His stomach was fine, but his head was pounding and his nose was congested. Freakin Blaine…

Kurt tried to pull himself together, despite feeling awful. When Jacob woke up, Kurt settled him on the opposite end of couch and gave him a bucket as well. He was pretty sure they were both out of the actual vomiting phase, but both kids were exhausted. He put a movie on the TV for them and they were content. His husband...or his third child rather, was getting on Kurt’s last nerve.

“What do you need Blaine?” Kurt asked from their bedroom doorway.

“Can I have some juice?” Blaine croaked before going into a coughing fit.

“Yes.” Kurt sighed.

“Kurt?” he called.

“What?”

“Apple juice, please.” Kurt rolled his eyes and went into the kitchen and got the juice. When he returned Blaine was ready with another request.

“Blaine, you don’t need tylenol.” Kurt replied.

“But -”

“You don’t have a fever.”

“But I’m hot.” Blaine groaned.

“That’s because you’re buried under three different blankets.” Kurt retorted.

“Can you fe-” Blaine began before Kurt cut him off.

“No, I can not feel your head. I felt your head less than an hour ago. You do not have a fever.”

“Please.” Blaine begged. Kurt groaned and placed his hand on Blaine’s forehead.

“Nope, still don’t have a fever.” he told his husband. “I know you feel like you’re going to die, but I’m pretty sure you’re not. I’ll come back later and check on you and if you are dead, I will dig that grave myself.”

“Kurt, that’s not funny.” Blaine retorted. “I’m sick. I have the flu” Kurt couldn’t even take it anymore. He left and went to check on the kids. Both kids were watching the movie. He got each of them some pedialyte in a cup just to make sure they were hydrated. Not too long after, he head Blaine yelling for him again.

“What do you need?” Kurt asked again.

“Can you make me soup?” Blaine asked.

“Are you serious?”

“I’m hungry.” “Blaine, you are full grown man with a cold. Not the flu. Go make your own soup. It’s really not hard.”

“But Kurt…” Blaine groaned. “Can’t you please do it? I really don’t feel well.” “Really? You don’t feel well.” Kurt said, his voice getting loud with the anger building inside of him. “Aww poor you who got to sleep all of yesterday while I cleaned up our son’s vomit all day. And at night, poor sick Blaine got to sleep all night while I stayed up and cleaned up our daughter’s vomit. And on top of that, my husband who just needed to cuddle last night got me sick with the same COLD that he has and I feel pretty awful too. But do I get to rest? No! I’m doing laundry and making sure the kids are okay and making sure you don’t die of a common cold!” At this point, Blaine was silent, his eyes wide in fear. Kurt however was not done. “So, no Blaine. I can’t get you soup! I’m going to need you to suck it up, find your balls wherever they went and go make your own soup!” After that Kurt stormed out of the room leaving Blaine by himself.

Blaine never did emerge from their room, probably because he didn’t know what to say after Kurt’s rant. The kids were okay for the rest of the day, neither one vomited again and both went to bed easily. Kurt who still could not look at his husband decided to sleep in the guest room that night. He settled in under the covers, his head still pounding and fell asleep praying that no one would need him during the night.

The next morning, Blaine got up out of bed and showered. He checked on the kids who were feeling much better and helped them get ready for school. He snuck quietly into the guest room and turned off Kurt’s alarm on his phone before taking the kids to school. Blaine realized that his husband must be exhausted and he definitely deserved this morning to sleep in.

Around eleven o’clock was when Kurt finally woke up. His nose was still congested, but his heading wasn’t pounding anymore. He heard a knock at the door and groaned. God, he had been up for two minutes. Who wanted him? He pushed the covers off of himself and walked over to the door. He opened it and to his surprise no one was there. Instead, a bowl of still hot chicken noodle soup was sitting on a tray with a glass of water and a note that said “Sorry I was such a pain. Thanks for taking care of me.”

Kurt picked up the tray and smiled. Though his husband might be the biggest baby when he was sick, he still had a good heart and that was what Kurt loved most about him. After all, their vows did say “in sickness and in health” so Kurt figured he’d just have to deal with Blaine’s neediness. He loved him too much not to.

[smithya93-blog]

Bird Brained- Chapter 3

Maze preened himself as court rolled in, a congressman approached the committee ready to provide the court with a regional update. The proceedings were always monotonous though he did like to watch the heated debates.

The queen entered the hall with the youngest of the three siblings, Kunta at her side. She stood before the court "Starting today Kunta will be joining our court hearings. We've decided he is of age to begin adding in his input." Maze mused over that statement, the young boy no older than 13 and would have already had his naming ceremony so it made sense that he would join in with the rest of the royal family.

The political structure of the Region of the Western Sun was considered newfound by historians of the Three Regions. Being a democratic state ruled by a Family rather than a single solitary King. Court meetings found the members of the family in a large open room surrounded by the publicly elected officials debating the benefits of the law and the needs of the people. Lekan was amiable at keeping the peace and making decisions his family would agree on. He had a certain knack for compromise which appealed to his people.

His mother Arthula Queen of the Region of the Western Sun, The beat of Wild Mares Hooves, was a pleasant woman who was more motherly than queenly. Since the death of her husband, she had taken over the role of Head of House until Lekan would be ready to take the throne.Head of house was a title akin to king or queen as the Fae and Daru called their rulers. They had the power to decide the course of conversation in the court and amend or veto suggestions to written laws. The congress bowed to Arthula as she took her seat in the gilded throne, Kunta standing at her side. Lulit and Lekan sat in their thrones beside her, encouraging their brother to ask questions and contribute.

The conversation this day was...

"-The fate of the Suvroc family, they have been determined to be without an heir and so their estate falls into the hands of the royal family" Maze paused his grooming. That was his name... "The son has been missing for four years and at this time it has been decided that without an heir and with the death of the head of estate, the family line has ended" Arthula nodded."Thank you... Our hearts go out to the family, may they find all of Nepetes grace.""The affairs of the estate?""Leave it to the extended family. The Suvroc's had wealth. It needs distributing. Suggest to them that they offer it to charitable hands before their own." The three siblings, Lekan, Lulit, and Kunta all nodded in agreement. She patted the arm of the chair and the speaker bowed taking his seat.

Well... that's not good, still, he was glad to hear his mother finally kicked the bucket. His family name meant very little to him. He might have been born a rich boy but he was raised like a criminal.

"What is it now, Why are you crying?"He wiped the tears from his cheeks pointing at the fresh scuff on his knee. His mother scoffed "You aren't a baby anymore. Enough with the waterworks or I'll give you something to cry about" she whacked the back of his head as she walked by. "Keep yourself quiet for the rest of the night, I'm having guests over and I don't want you to give me a migraine so early in the morning."

He shook himself away from the sudden memory. That was his family name, not his family. He didn't care.He roosted himself and pushed down the recollection, focusing on the fact that he had vanished for four whole years. Had it really been that long? It probably was... But it didn't matter. No, he figured the best way to address the unfortunate situation was to just accept it as he had previously decided for himself. He was a crow now, this was his life.Lekan offered him a peanut which he ate gratefully

--

A dull thud from the balcony caused Maze to jolt from his rest. He never was a good sleeper, the slightest noise would wake him from a dead sleep in a state of panic. Through the silk shades, he spied two figures hunched over on the balcony. The doorknob clicked ever so slightly before opening out.

The figures dressed in dark clothes descended into the room as Maze watched them turn their attention toward the bed. Lekan's weakness despite being of massive size and strength was that he slept like the dead, unbeknownst to him the intruders began to draw weapons.

Maze felt a rush of panic, sheer rage, and an unquenchable urge to make these men leave. How dare they, come and try to hurt Lekan? The soft slumbering giant, a man who would make angels cry from his charity. He had to stop them. His thoughts flashed to Lekan standing his ground. That tense stance, the fear he knew the other man felt in that moment on the dark mountain road resonated with him. He had to do something...

Suddenly he felt too large for the space, for the first time in his life he felt the urge to act. Maze shot off from the top of the wardrobe talons first attacking the closest assailant. The man fell against his compatriot who spun to face the attacker. A suit of armor holding a longsword to his right lent a decent enough weapon to aid in Maze's ambush of the attackers.

Swinging it madly at them. He sliced one man across the chest sending him back out the window. The fallen assassin stood and took a swing at Maze hitting his left... wing? He became cooly aware that his wings were now holding a longsword and he was bringing it down over the other attacker's head. It was decorative so it merely bludgeoned them. He dropped like a stone as the first charged back at Maze meeting the blunt sword at his torso knocking the wind out of him.

A knight from the hall heard the commotion. Bursting into the room. "SIR IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT?"

As quickly as the scuffle began it stopped.

The assailants climbing out the window with haste Leaving Maze in a state of intense fatigue. He backed into the wardrobe falling to his knees. The world around him became larger and faded from his vision. Before losing consciousness he watched the canopy of the bed swing back and Lekan emerged in fury and confusion.

In the following days, a rumor that the prince had single-handedly staved off three would-be attackers in his bedroom, followed Lekan and Maze wherever they went. Lekan held the story with massive confusion. He could confirm that he had seen three figures in the moonlight outside of the canopy. However, only two were found leaving the palace. Lekan knew exclusively, that third assailant had been protecting him.

--

Maze had regained his human form, for like maybe three minutes. He ruminated on that for a very long time. What had he done? How could he do it again? Would he want to? Sure it had been convenient to the moment to protect the prince in his time of need, but he was a crow now, that's what he had decided. Was it what he wanted... probably not. But he wasn't going out of his way to change something he couldn't fix himself.

He hopped around on the balcony while Lekan showered. He was very keen to give Lekan his personal space. He would want the same if he had a pet bird that was actually a human. It would be vastly inappropriate to use his stealthy identity to cop a peek and what was under his- nevermind.

It felt weird now he was a crow.

Something else felt weird... like his body was being lifted. He flexed his talon to realize, oh yes he was levitating over the balcony edge. Before he could struggle, he shot into the air and into the window above Lekan's balcony. A pair of hands snatched hold of him.

"Got you ya shitty bird." He was turned to meet the face of Lekans sister Lulit, who had a look of chaotic interest in her eyes. "Well? Are you going to struggle." He was not. She frowned "You know.. normal birds, they struggle when someone catches them barehanded.. but we both know you're not a normal bird..." she squeezed him around the middle just hard enough to make Maze squawk. "If you can talk, do it now.. or else my brother won't have a pet anymore." She tightened her grip for emphasis. "My brother told me you know. There were three people there that night." Maze froze interested in where she was going with this. "Only two bludgeoned bandits were found that night. The third got away.. or did he?" Maze blinked at her knowing where this was going. "So I did some digging and I think you.. are a shapeshifter"

Oh.. nope that's not the right answer.

"So shift or talk Corvus" she shook him for emphasis.

He squawked defiantly before contorting his vocal cords enough to release a guttural "{NAOW}" Lulit seemed surprised that the threats worked... kinda.

"No? No, you won't shift or no you won't talk" Why did she have so many questions. He wasn't good at this.After a couple more tries he came up with "{CAWNT}" that sounds like 'cant' right? She stared at him loosening her grip "Cant?" He nodded finally shoving her hands away with his wings and dropping to the floor. He waddled into her room obstinately, making himself comfortable on a chair cawing at her.

He had never seen a magician's shop. The layout of the room was identical to Lekan's but with considerably more cluttered. Shelves stuffed to the brim, lined all four walls, papers and books lined every other open space. Various trinkets and gadgets were scattered around the solid surfaces and a few even floated in the middle of the air. He strolled his way around the room reading some of the open books and papers on the floor.

Oh, they were in the old tongue, Damnit.

First off he needed something to write with. He probably could use his beak.. a typewriter! He spotted one in the corner and tapped the enter key to indicate he wanted to use it.

Filled with confusion and mystique Lulit stocked the writer with ink and paper and stood back. Maze typed away:

Your right. Not crow. was guy. Long story. Not interesting don't ask. Am crow now. 4 years. Will stay crow forever. ? . was not crow that night.

He looked up at her, typing was hard with a beak. She read the lines with increasing disbelief "Wow... I was right about you."

I'm not a bad guy. : (

She laughed "Okay so... what's your name? Who are you." He sighed shaking his head. That was a long answer.

Maze Suvroc Shadow of the Morning Star. The heir would be of Suvroc Family.

"Wait... you're their missing heir?" He nodded insistently "Then why didn't you tell us sooner? Your family's inheritance is being put up for auction."

Fuck them. Don't need it. I'm a crow now

She stared at the statement and burst out laughing "What do you mean you're a crow now? You're a person, you don't want to go back to being a person?" he shrugged his wings.

Being a crow easy.

Lulit scoffed "Oh.. I see, you're just looking for an easy ride. You can turn back into a person though.. if you can, wouldn't you want to?'

He wasn't sure about that.. yes it would be nice to have thumbs again.. and a dick. But being fed leftovers without doing anything of note was an exceptional benefit. He didn't answer the question. So Lulit shrugged. "Well... then what was different about that night?"

Didn't want Lekan to get hurt.

She pondered on that for a moment chewing her lip. "How did you feel? What kinds of thoughts went through your head... can you remember that feeling of not wanting to see him hurt?"

Maze couldn't pinpoint the exact feeling, it was a rush of adrenalin, the injustice that Lekan the gentle giant would need to feel so... scared.

"Imagine he gets attacked again. What if you're the only person there to help him..."His fury at the notion filled him, he looked to her indignantly."If anyone ever touches him they better pick a god and pray""So it's like that huh?"

Maze became cognizant of the fact that Lulit had gotten about twelve feet shorter, he was much colder and the room much smaller. He was also keenly aware that he was naked. He covered himself and moved off of the desk. She handed him a robe without batting an eye. "So It's an emotionally driven trigger.""um.."She dug through a pile of books and pulled out one flipping through it quickly before showing him a page in the old tongue.

"I cant.." she read it out loud before he could finish.

"Trigger transformations are a type of curse where the end-user, that would be you, can transmute between one species of being to another. The trigger would be set by the caster. A similar naturally occurring trigger transformation can be found in Lycans when exposed to full moonlight." She licked her finger and flipped the page "Reversing this kind of curse is undoable without recension from the caster. This is a for life curse, however, the nature of transforming can be controlled. If the trigger for the curse can be identified the end-user can manipulate the curse to be used in benefit." She closed the book "It seems like you get to change back into a person when you get riled up." She looked so proud of herself but she was so wrong. "I.. have been riled up before and never experienced this" he stated bluntly. "It can't be that simple.."She shook her head "It is! Maybe it is the combination of emotions you feel... what do you feel when you transform what thoughts go through your mind?" He shrugged, "I... just felt like I needed to help him." He scratched his chin, oh geez he needed a shave. He looked around for a mirror "I feel like.. if anything happens to him I wouldn't be doing my duty... I kinda owe him my life I guess" he found a full-length mirror and took a look at himself. He had lost a ton of the body tone from before he became a crow, his hair was much longer and he had decent facial growth. His face seemed to have changed slightly as well, his nose more beakish and eyes seemed a little darker.

"Yes, you're beautiful now can we get back to this curse thing" Lulit pulled out a pad of paper and was scribbling away."Seems like you've gotten over your hatred for me?""I never hated you, I just didn't trust you""But now you trust me?""Well I was right so I will probably continue to be right"Maze sat down running a hand through his hair. He forgot what it was like to have hands.His fingers started to tingle and he suddenly felt enormously tired "I think... it's over" Lulit looked up in horror as he returned to bird form.

"Noooooooooo! That's not fair do it again!" she stormed over to him "turn back!" He squawked at her angrily

Will not. I'm tired . not test subject. goodnight.

He was done being her guinea pig for the day, he hopped off of the bench and over to the window.

"Okay wait fine.. but.. if I look into this can we try some things to keep you a person."Maze made an exasperated sound but nodded before jumping over the balcony to join Lekan on his day-to-day.

--

As the event passed behind him Lekan found himself thinking about that mysterious savior more and more. He got a slim glimpse of him in the moonlight before he had vanished. The prince could gauge the man looked like a vagrant, scruffy facial hair and long unkempt locks. He could see part of the fight between the curtains and the man knew what he was doing. Maybe he was one of the palace guards who followed them to his balcony before thwarting their plot.

He wasn't used to death threats. The slim to none terrorist activity that the city experienced was largely from the south and was met with abrupt action. Steps to prevent that were followed to t.The man had collapsed against his bookshelf and had ample access to leave into the night while Lekan was distracted by the guard who burst in. The only other thing out of place was the crow. it seemed to have gotten mixed up in the outbreak and was found unconscious on the floor.

Poor thing. It didn't suffer any major wounds but... now that he thought about it he didn't remember hearing the crow during the scuffle. He was a pretty vocal bird. He would have definitely been vocal then.

He watched the avian in question hop around between books in the castle library. The bird would, at times stop and seem to read a passage in open books whenever they were there. Could birds have a concept of written language?

That would be crazy.. and yet.

Even now the crow was perched behind an open book studying it one eye at a time, cocking his head as if ending a sentence and beginning the next. Then it seemed to notice that Lekan noticed and hop away to do something else.That bird was weird.

----

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[mille-at-home]

Easter and leave.

I know it’s Easter Sunday but blog I must, as emotions may get the better of me by tomorrow! It’s his last day of leave and he will be returning to base. (Boo hoo!) But what a fantastic week we have had, we are not having the planned extension due to costs but we have a log cabin in the planning stage to incorporate a hot tub, oh and a bar! Well, it’s a luxury item that we have been dreaming about for the past three years, so we did it! Our local store couldn’t get the square one down from the storage as the fork lift truck has broken down, so cue me and a little persuasive ‘nice damsel in distress that we wanted one today’ voice and a nice man agreed he and the manager could “put their hands on one not displayed for £450” (£50 more) Ok, ok I reiterated as long as it’s that price I will send husband back down. He returned home with this huge 4-6 seater thing with bloody LED lights, numerous jets and in short - is shear heaven. We have not watched any TV all week nor indeed, been on the Internet or had any inclination to play candy crush! This tub has been a good purchase!

Then he wants to get a gazebo, twinkly lights and a shed?! The husband has worked really hard in the back garden for the week making it just a relaxing area for us, we have gained a decking area this year as obviously both children do not need to be safely enclosed and tend to play in the woods. The bonus is that we have a whole level of decking previously reserved for the smaller person - it now has a shed (not a man shed) and we are managing to clear boxes from the spare room. We have agree should we go to war at any stage that we could probably kit out a few 'soldiers’ in the bloody kit he has but alas for now it has to be stored until he can get it back to some master?! There is a name for this particular person but I can’t remember, anyway it’s the person who takes all the surplus uniform to be returned to? Well another surplus store which is better than our spare room I might add!

I am so crap at all the army stuff (as you all know) and there is a new blogger in the midst who is raw and very real but I have to say, I can’t understand why - when people respond to her funnies that there is such a bloody need for all the fooking T.L.A.’s it drives me nuts trying to figure out this foreign language other wives talk! Give me a break please - just write it in English eh? It doesn't make you part of the military, neither does it make you important for other subordinates to have to ask WTF is that?! But I guess that’s the downside to MU living. I am just not in the 'zone’. AND another thing that bugs the hell out of me…(sorry, got to just get this off my chest)… A partner, wife, girlfriend or whatever; posts about how sad they are that husband is deploying, this is the most mind boggling, character changing shite any partner, wife, girlfriend or whatever might go through and yet…many see this as a freaking competition with lines like “been there, done that” “husband had done 3,590 tours so far and counting” “mine was away for all children’s births” etc etc etc Ladies - what is this shite?! What’s wrong with saying “Hey, I’m sorry chick, it will be ok, you can do this we know how it feels? Here for you?” Now in my book, that’s far more supportive but noooooo this is too easy for most?! *rant over!

Anyway, onto delightful MU things and aside from hot tub and shed building we have managed to get a family day out or two in. We pottered off to Prickly Ball Farm on Friday. It’s a hedgehog hospital and our children love animals of any description especially if they have a 'rescue story’ to boot. So we walk around this little farm and fall in love with all of the little animals deciding that when we win the lottery this is what we would love to do and of course Erin still has her heart set on a chicken or two! But apart from that I can’t help but notice that most of these places are geared towards your average toddler and pre-schooler with soft play areas and slides etc which every screaming kid around us is enjoying. This is great but as I found with my own two at this age, they have little fooking interest in conservation or rescue animals and actually once you have paid whatever extortionate entrance fee it is to get into these place all the little darlings want to do is go to the play areas?! Ours are older and much more interested in the animals and conservation coupled with a rescue story so when we sit in the hedgehog hospital to meet 'Bob’ the hedgehog, this young girl comes out to tell us about their extra sensitive ears and can we all keep quiet so that Bob doesn’t get too frightened? Yep, all of the 30 odd toddlers got this bit for sure *rolls eyes and the young girl had no control over them! Erin was whispering how worried she was about Bob because 'these kids are not quiet’ I sat very very glad that we had passed this bloody stressful stage in parenting! That said, little Bob coped well and will be released back into the wild this week. I predict little Bob will be a very happy little hedgehog away from the farm!

I collected Mum for Easter dinner today and she is doing well, she is still talking about leaving the home as she keeps getting a bill for the supposed 'care package’ that was taken away from her 7 months ago? £200 a month for hoovering, dishes and a shower? She has had none of it but is still being charged? Guess who is contacting a bloody care manager this Tuesday?! Here we go again! Erin and I did take the staff a bucket full of rice crispie cakes that we made this morning, so at least they have a bit of a sugar rush with their coffee! Husband cooked and I took Mum back to the home at 5pm. Norton is my leach at the moment (actually; hes always my leach) and he watched me intently as I got Mum into the car - I told him I wouldn’t be long (as you do) and drove off. As I drove back down the lane 10 minutes later, there is Norton, half way up the bloody lane having a good sniff around and no one else has noticed he is missing! Erin tries to round him up but he has no collar on (due to the throat tumour) and he is too deaf to hear me calling him! Erin gets in a panic and starts crying so I leave the car and fetch him but he is wet and covered in mud? He had a good ten minutes of freedom but lord only knows what he was doing!

Erin delights in running into Dad and asking if he is missing something?! What a week! A beautiful week to be fair; which I really don’t want to end but reality is happening and I need to do a job search for some more hours! I’m not gonna get that little 4x4 anytime soon otherwise! The only thing I will not miss is the snoring, because quite frankly if I hadn’t have come downstairs last night at 3am I would have smothered the fooker with a pillow! Roll on undisturbed sleep is all I can say!

Have a great week all. Mille xx