#probably bc it costs too much to buy food /j

[chernabogs]

I can see an entire bouquet matching Malleus 😭 Calla lily, Ivy, Red Salvia, NATSURIUM and White carnation with pecks of Daffodil and Fern

Don't feel obligated to use all of them! Chose whichever you find most suitable! I just could stop with one alone, the more prompts i read the more i had this idea for a story in my head

I think you and I had the same idea cooking LMAOOO I hope I did this well! <3 Thank you for the request!!

Sin Eater

Inc: Malleus, Reader, a sin eater, and one advisor WC: 3.4k Warnings: Heavy discussion of grief and coping with loss Flowers: Calla Lily (something at first sight), Ivy (we’ve always been friends but we were never just friends), Natsurium (I refuse to bury you), Daffodil (a god bows before a mortal), Fern (In a world of magic, the greatest miracle was you... subtly implied) Summary: A quiet conversation in a hall between a prince, a starving idol, and a body.

Their arrival is marked with the sombre chiming of Dragon City’s bells, which is the only reason Malleus knows they’re approaching Black Scale. The window of the bedroom you shared is wide open, letting in both the breeze and the song as he stands so still that one may consider him to be a mere statue on display. He feels equivalent to one; his breath is shallow, his body cold, and his expression far away enough that he hardly registers the carriage approaching. 

“Your highness?” A faint voice speaks by his right side. Malleus’ finger twitches at the sound as his emerald gaze slowly slides from the streets below to the advisor who is now anxiously twisting her sleeve. He can hardly remember her name—advisors come and go so often that they’ve become a blur in his mind—but he’s taken to calling her Scops due to the owlish stare that she always seems to wear around him. “The sin eater is here.”

Malleus stares for a moment before he looks back down to the courtyard. The carriage door is open, and a figure is now standing on the stone, speaking with one of the guards. The discussion is brief, ending with the guard walking to the doors and the figure looking upwards at the palace walls. A golden mask conceals their face, capturing the rays of the sun which battle through Briar Valley’s ever-present clouds, and they wear a simple black funeral suit. 

“I see that.” He replies curtly, his voice ungiving on how he’s really feeling. “They arrived quite quickly, didn’t they?” 

“I suppose they have,” Scops steps a bit closer to the window to look down at the sin eater. “Strange, really. It isn’t like their profession is a competitive market anymore.” 

Sin eaters used to be far more prominent in Briar Valley back when it was still Briar Nation, and old traditions were held to a greater esteem. Unfortunately, the changing of times meant the dismantling of old organizations and beliefs, rendering the sin eaters as nothing more than a token piece in a funeral party. Perhaps once they were esteemed in a religious fashion—but not anymore. Now they will sit for anyone, so long as they get their meal. 

You had always admired the old traditions, though. He remembers your avid interest in his family’s history, and the many nights you’d waste away in the library, reading tome after tome in delight. You had been the spearhead of a new age for old beliefs—revamping Briar Valley’s tourism through the demonstration of habits long dead—and you had made a difference. That’s why there is a sin eater here today. 

Malleus dislikes their presence, however. Them being here means that what he’s going through is not just a simple dream. He exhales through clenched teeth and forces his shoulders to relax as he turns on his heel and nods. 

“Regardless, it’s best not to keep guests waiting.”

_____________________________________________________________

The hallowed hall in which you lay is silent, even with the presence of the sin eater looming over your shrouded form. How they managed to move quickly enough that they arrived before Malleus did is something he decides not to question—nor does he question how they knew of the hall to begin with. Their profession is one that draws the most peculiar of magic users into it. Like a bloodhound, they caught your scent and followed it to the room. He’s surprised the guards who have been standing watch over you for a day now permitted them to enter. 

Malleus enters alone and waves for the room to be sealed. He notes the hesitation in his guard’s body language before they oblige, stepping away to pull the great wooden doors shut with a resounding boom that stirs a pair of birds residing in the rafters. Their wings flutter in distress as Malleus spares them a passing glance before returning his focus on the figure ahead. The sin eater has turned to look back at him, and he sees upon closer inspection that the mask they wear lacks a mouth. They incline their head in greeting before speaking in a surprisingly clear tone considering their facial obstruction. 

“Your grace. Forgive me for the intrusion before your arrival; I merely wished to prepare in advance.” Their voice is soft and low as they touch a hand to the place above their heart. Malleus hardly reacts to their words as he brushes past them to where you lay, body enshrouded in a white sheet with a torc affixed upon your neck. His fingers brush along its form; forged of mystium and gifted to you as a token by him. It was the closest he could get to a marriage declaration in the eyes of the Senate. 

“It’s hardly my place to prevent a sin eater from completing their role.” He replies languidly as his fingers skim off of the torc to rest on your chest. Stiff, still, and cold against his fingers. “I just wish you had not come to begin with.” 

He doesn’t wish to have you buried quite yet, but he knows he’s already pushing the limit of how long he can keep you. He kneels by the platform that holds your form as his fingers brush along the shroud that hides you. If he could, he would drag you off of this macabre display and back into the rooms you shared for so many decades together, to wrap you in his arms and pretend this isn’t happening. 

But that was foul. Utterly, utterly foul. Your body would putrefy and decay while he clung to a false hope of resurrection. 

No, the sin eater is here now. He just doesn’t want you out of sight quite yet. 

“Many do not welcome me, but I have never left without gratitude.” The sin eater replies softly. Like a god before a mortal, Malleus’ ethereal features are painted into a stony expression, his gaze still distant. He hardly feels a part of this world right now as he hums quietly in turn. 

“Perhaps.” He muses as his fingers toy with the shroud before he turns to look at the sin eater. Like his own face, their mask is a stony expression, their eyes concealed from his seeking gaze. If they were to not move and speak then they could easily be dismissed as one of the many statues adorning the hall. “How shall we proceed?” 

“Do you feel ready to proceed?” They posit as they gesture to your form. 

Malleus rises back to his feet but doesn’t remove his hand from your body. The pungent scent of flowers—used to disguise the sweetness of decay—wafts up with the abruptness of his motion. “The opportunity to refuse has long passed. I am aware that there is a feast to be had—that, they regaled me of this back when they were still alive.”

You had been enamoured by the concept of Briar Valley funerary rites throughout your time in life. He remembers thinking it to be grim when you would speak of them, and rather anxiety-inducing when you began to plan for your own. He always knew that your status as a human meant that you would join the stars long before he did—he had simply not wanted to think about it, though. In the end, your efforts to establish your own postmortem care had saved him a great deal of distress these past few days.

Your ability to think far ahead had been one of the many aspects he had loved about you. 

“Indeed, and I am delighted to see one is set for me.” The sin eater drifts off of the steps of the platform towards the far side of the room, where a table lay with an array of foods on it. Wine, dates, meats, and a variety of other luxuries decorate pristine plates and spotless cutlery. He had spared no expenses in the lavishness of your memoriam. “Sometimes I have served people who are still cooking the final meal by the time I arrive. But then again, I would expect a prince to have ample amounts of resources available to get things done.” 

“I give nothing but the finest when it comes to them.” Malleus retorts sharply as he goes to sit in the chair on the other side of the table. Before he can properly settle, the sin eater raises a hand and shakes their head. 

“Turn the chair around if you please. You are not meant to see my face when I eat—that honour is for the deceased, and the deceased alone.” 

Malleus pauses, his hand resting on the back of the chair before he obliges and twists it around to face the wall. He then sits down and crosses his legs patiently. Despite the fact that he knows the sin eater to be unarmed, he still feels a prickle of paranoia creep up his spine. Old habits die hard when one has been hunted for so many years. 

Eventually he hears the sound of the sin eater sitting down in their respective seat, followed by something heavy hitting the table. The sin eater clears their throat, and the sound is far clearer now than before. Their mask has been removed—which means the rite has officially begun. Malleus inhales and readies himself for what he recalls the next few steps to be. 

“Tell me about them. Call them to the table where we feast.” There’s a brief pause then before a fork scrapes against porcelain plates. Malleus’ eyes flutter shut as he gives a low sigh. 

“Mira calirh.” The affectionate term flows from his tongue easily as he touches upon memories long passed. How can he summarize you in a simple conversation? You had been a person of many complexities—of devotion, of will, of love as boundless as the sea. To boil all that you were down into a mere few lines felt sacrilegious in his heart. 

“Tell me of your first.” The sin eater prompts, and so he does. 

“I met them outside of their dorm. I thought the place was abandoned, but suddenly they were there before me, sleep-dazed and curious. I remember thinking how calm they were when facing me directly—only to find out they hadn’t a single clue about who I was.” Malleus’ lips curl into a faint grin as he pictures the moment so clearly. He can see you in your youth, eyes glassy with sleep and hair slightly dishevelled. You had not registered in his mind as someone of importance quite yet. 

Oh, how such a thing would change. 

“Tell me more.” The sin eater urges. He can hear the wine glass lifting and being set back down on the table. Malleus’ hands clasp tight as he feels his fingers begin to grow numb. In his peripheral vision, he thinks he sees movement from the pedestal. He resists the impulse to look its way as he considers his next words. 

“It made me feel… alive. For a moment. They would accompany me, speak with me. It was shortly after my overblot that I began to consider them as a friend—although I suspect we never were just that. It was two summers later that I began to consider them something more.” 

Malleus pauses for a moment to gather his thoughts. He remembers that summer—it had been warmer than usual in the Valley, and you had come to visit for a week. He recalls the smell of sunscreen and the sight of you with your hat on your head as you sat in a field of eternal green. The land was lush and abundant with life, but it had been you that had drawn his gaze the strongest. 

The sin eater pushes a plate away before grabbing another. It drags across the wooden table with a bitter screech. “Is that so?” 

“Quite. They stayed with me for a week, and I wished every night that the next day would never come, only so that I could hold onto them for just a bit longer. I kissed their cheek before they departed through the mirror back to NRC—I wanted to kiss their lips, but I panicked and missed.” He can’t help but laugh at that. His palms had been sweating and his mind had been in a panic when he clumsily pressed his lips to your cheek in a kiss of farewell. “Foolish I was. Fortunately, it didn’t turn them away from me. The next time we met, they made sure my aim was true.” 

“Young love has a habit of sending our hearts aflutter, no?” The sin eater muses as more scraping sounds out. “Tell me when you loved them.”

When? Malleus’ brow furrows as he considers the question. When did he not, really? 

“Every day. Every hour. Every minute. I think once they became mine there was not a moment I did not love them, even when we had our disagreements, or the obligations of my role drew me abroad. I loved them in the day, I loved them in the night. And in the sparse moments between, I loved them even more.” Malleus feels his jaw clench slightly. “We could not be married, and so I made sure they knew my devotion.”

“You could not marry because they were not fae. I remember that being a point of contention in the papers.” 

The sin eater must be a fae themself, then, if they can recall the tabloids from that time so easily while looking as young as they appeared. Malleus bristles at their comment. 

“Yes, that was a point of great contention, and one I had to swallow despite working to change the laws. Even my grandmother agreed that such outdated beliefs had no business in and amongst our courtiers.” 

He had fought viciously against nobility for the opportunity to keep you by his side. Eventually it had ended in a standoff, with the courtiers begrudgingly agreeing to permit you to live in Black Scale, so long as you never officially became his consort. Your body hasn’t even been cold for a day, and he’s already heard rumours from Scops that the Senate is hunting for a suitable replacement. 

The knowledge tastes like bitter fruit on his tongue.

He thinks he sees the flutter of white fabric moving at the pedestal again. His brow furrows as he rationalizes it away as a trick of the odd lighting in the hall. Still, the cold breeze that follows makes him shift in his seat uncomfortably.

“Tell me how you loved them.” The sin eater diverts his thoughts and the conversation once more as something heavy scrapes across the table. It may be the plate of quail he saw—or the pig's head. “What did you do to always let them know?” 

“Everything. Anything they wanted I would give to them. If they had asked me to move the mountains we rest on, I would do so. If they asked me to pluck the sun from the sky and fasten it into a brooch for them, I would make sure it was held by the finest of metals. If they wished for the rains to fall and the earth to turn green, then I would drag the clouds from across the world to where they stood.” Malleus shivers again as he feels an ache in his chest. It’s been there for days now. “Magic bends to my whims, but I bent to theirs.” 

“But you couldn’t give them time.” There’s a licking sound and a low hum of satisfaction from the sin eater. “Time will eat everyone in the end—much like how I feast on their memories now. You could give them every precious gem and flower in the world, but you could not give them a second more than what they were meant to have.” 

“If I could have, then I would.” He snarls back, his head turning slightly to glare at the blurred image of the sin eater. “I would have stolen the seconds from anything and everything and given it to them instead. The gods know they would have benefited from it. They had plans, ideas, to improve this nation and now? Now they’re already beginning to decay.” 

“As things do.” The sin eater tosses a bone onto a plate as Malleus looks back to the wall. He feels something cold brush against him again, and then the scraping of a chair to his right. His shoulders tense at the sound and he wonders if the sin eater has changed places. 

Until they speak. 

“How very kind of you to finally join us.” 

The comment is simple and one that draws confusion in Malleus until it finally clicks in place and his entire body plunges into freezing water. The world spins to a stop as he hears a whispering voice by his ear, its words indiscernible. Malleus’ eyes widen and dilate as any words he had to say stutter to a stop from his lips, drawn shut by a cold touch brushing up his arm—much like how his touch had brushed along yours moments ago. 

“One last bite, then.” The sin eater interjects once more as they push another plate away. “Tell me how you will keep them alive. The body may be rotting, but the soul does still linger. Within this hall, within this palace, within the memories stored in your mind. How will you honour that?” 

The words become clearer now. Your voice is soft as your breath brushes against the skin behind his ear, making him shiver as a small, painful sound escapes him. The scent of you lingers just beneath that of the roses your body was bathed in before being wrapped for your cremation. He can feel the brush of the shroud against him as phantom fingers touch his back. 

He wants to turn to see you as he once knew—but something tells him that doing so will merely send you away faster. 

“Their legacy.” He offers slowly, eyes fluttering shut again as he loses himself in your touch. “Their memory carries on through years upon generations of work. They brought life back to Briar Valley’s beliefs. They reshaped this old, rotting home—reshaped me—into something better. I may have portraits of them, and statues, and items that they loved dear stored in my rooms—but I think the only thing they would wish for me to do is continue the work they had started.” 

A sensation floods him then like that brought on by a lover’s kiss. It curls around his wounded heart and floods itself through his veins, warming his body in a way that it hasn’t been able to for days. Another pained sound leaves him, but it is not drawn out because of any agony. 

Then, as quickly as it arrived, the sensations are all gone. Your scent disappears, your touch disappears, and Malleus Draconia is left once more to sit in a stiff wooden chair in a large, desolate hall, with a body and a sin eater as his company. He wants to grasp for you and hold you in place like he did so dearly with your body—but the voice screams at him again that this is not the way it plays out. 

The sin eater sets the cutlery down before drawing their mask over their face. They push the chair back to stand, and only when they’re on their feet again does Malleus turn to them. He can feel wetness on his cheeks as he stares at their slender, frail form. He had managed to keep himself from crying so far—but now it’s become a battle he can no longer wage.

“What a delectable meal.” The sin eater sighs as they brush down their suit before stepping away from the table. They pause as they face the prince before bending at the waist in a low bow. The black pits that represent their eyes do not stray from his face as they do so. “They rest—as you should, too. I know you have at least another day of the wake to endure, so try to recover as much energy as you can. They would not want you to suffer on their behalf.”

Malleus doesn’t reply as his gaze drifts to your shrouded form on the pedestal. His love, his partner, his calirh. When the sin eater is already halfway to the door, he clears his throat, causing them to pause and look his way. Malleus stares at their masked face with an expression of neutrality once more. 

“... thank you.” He offers softly. The sin eater tilts their head, bows, and steps out of the silent hall.

[ptsd-and-autistic]

Some food tips for if you’re starving and poor.*

By me, a 19 year old trying to feed myself and 3 teenagers on basically minimum wage, because my parents won’t do it. (you can support us at paypal.me/infinityskies but you dont gotta)

*note: some of these foods are expensive in time or resources if you aren’t careful, but im poor and hungry and prioritize that im feeding teenagers who wont eat if it isnt “good” **note 2: most prices are according to how much it’ll cost you, as a whole, but things like bread and eggs’ prices are rounded down to like a dollar bc theyre large packs. Realistically im just guessing because im 19 and im tired

Where to buy foods, realistically

Go to the dollar tree/ 1$ store near you.

I know, I know, I don’t want to do it either. But grab rice, beans, ramen, canned veggies, nuts, canned fruits, quick oats, trail mix packs, peanut butter and any other essentials you can find. You can find a lot there, but not everything. Try to find cooking oil and salt if you can- don’t buy anything refrigerated if you can help it. Some of them are safe, others are worth avoiding. Look out for spices you might want, or other comfort foods they seem to have ingredients for. While you’re there, look for other essentials, hygiene and vitamins, etc.  Essentials can also include some snacks that’ll make you feel better because youre overwhelmed by everything going on rn and the stress of it all. 

Go to your local shoppers/ grocery store going out of business/ cheap grocery store

Buy other things there, things you wouldn’t trust from the dollar tree. Milk, bread and eggs are my go tos, but also see if you can afford to get yourself a bag of some sort of fresh veggie and a couple fresh fruits. I can usually find nice bread for about 3$ at them, which is good enough for me bc i need something to make me motivated.

Now what to actually do with those foods

Ramen

Ramen packet instructions, an extra cup of water. Boil water, and scramble an egg while you’re at it. 1 egg per 1 or 2 packets ramen, depending on taste and money. Larger chunks feel like more, so if you don’t like it but need the protein, try smaller pieces. If youre hungry and like it, do the opposite. Cut your fresh veggie while you keep waiting for the water to boil. I like carrots, but other veggies probably work. You want a fresh veggie so it doesnt all just taste like mush. Add your fresh veggie and the noodles at the same time. Follow your normal habits for flavor packet, i dont care. When the noodles are done, add some canned veggies bc theyre good for you even if you hate them. Usually my 1 can lasts about 4 packets. Add the egg too. Add salt to taste if you can. If you dont like the soup, dont add the extra cup. Veggies absorb water. 

about 4$ per meal?

Oatmeal

not gonna lie this ones easy buy the canned fruits? cut them up and add them in reasonable amounts, you can make a can last as long as you like. Save the syrup for when youre out of the fruit itself. When it’s done cooking, sometimes adding the nuts you bought helps. 

2-3$ per meal ?

Toast and Eggs

again, obvious and easy, but if youre buying cheap bread and eggs, you can usually make a sandwich out of them to make them a little more bearable. If you can afford spam or meat or something its usually a good addition. 

2-3$ is my best guess

Rice and Beans

okay realistically i know im expecting people to have a place to go back to and also to sit through a list of things they probably already know, but dollar tree spices and canned veggies/ tomato paste can help make this bearable too, and give you some diversity to your meals. 

about 2-4$ depending on how fancy you want it, ig

PB&J

this is just a quick reminder you can get 3$ fancier bread at some stores and sometimes you can get peanut butter and jelly at the dollar tree

so its like 5$ i guess? bc the bread price???

Idk guys im tired and hungry but cycling through these foods isn’t so bad. and they have lots of stuff you need. to be fair im supplementing them with dollar store snacks because wow am i depressed about this situation im in, but those help out too.

Good luck out there. 

[missblanchette]

Look, Papa, No Hands [1/1]

Series: Joker Game

Characters: Hatano, Amari, Emma, Tazaki; Some minor Amari/Tazaki, but it’s not a huge focus

Rating: PG (for Hatano’s language lol)

Summary: What better revenge is there than to teach another man's child how to ride a bike? (or: Hatano teaches Emma how to ride a bike. Amari is not happy.)

Words: 2517

Notes: Part of my Modern AU (btw this is @dollofdeath‘s new writing blog, hello~); Inspired by this tweet; Misleading title is misleading bc there’s no actual bike riding lmao but anyways, this is just a dumb thing I wrote for fun haha some things to note (which will make sense in a few lol), I hc Hatano as a gamer, Nintendo Switches are hard to find and expensive since there’s not so much produced:’) and ah, if you’ve read my previous modern AUs, you’ll have noticed that AmaTaza aren’t established yet but in this fic, they are -- I’m just jumping around in the timeline a bit hehe

You can read this on AO3! Thank you guys for reading and I hope you enjoy~! (ˊᗜˋ)

Hatano wouldn't usually call himself as "a dick." Sure, there are times where he's an asshole, but it's because the other person deserves it. Like whenever Jitsui's sadism becomes too overwhelming or Miyoshi's ego gets to his head or the fact that Kaminaga exists in general. He's not a dick for no reason -- it's just to put others in their place.

And today he feels like being a dick.

He clearly remembers how Amari did him wrong last week -- not that Amari's aware of the severity of the situation. After spending the entire afternoon in Akihabara trying to find a freaking Nintendo Switch (which he did, all at the cost of a whooping 45,500 yen and his will to live), Hatano ran into Amari who'd invited him to dinner and who was he to deny free food? But being the dumbass that he was, he'd forgotten the Switch at Amari's place and didn't notice until well after he got home..

"Oh, that...?" Amari said, the moment Hatano called and asked him about it. With just those two, simple words, Hatano knew it wasn't gonna end well. "I didn't realize it was yours and let Emma play with it."

So far, so good. Hatano even felt a little proud that Emma had taken an interest in gaming. But Amari just had to continue speaking.

"Then, uh, Frate ate it --" Oh shit. "-- and it broke."

Right there and then, Hatano's soul left his body. He'd been saving up for weeks to buy a Switch, even refusing Jitsui's offer to split the cost because he wanted to buy everything with his own money. That was 45,500 yen down the drain. Not to mention that dipshit Odagiri's probably gonna show off his Switch next time they hang out. Fuckin'. God dammit.

"I'm really sorry!" Amari said but Hatano had already grown numb. "I'll pay you back!"

Oh, he'll pay all right.

Amari's a nice guy, don't get him wrong; he's always been there for him and has helped him through tough times. In fact, if he's drunk enough, he may even admit to seeing him as an older brother. But that doesn't change the fact that he can be an airhead and Hatano is petty as hell.

So when Amari asks him to watch Emma, he doesn't hesitate. It takes some convincing to Jitsui to let her stay on such short notice, but Jitsui's happy to comply once he lets him on in the plan. After Emma's dropped off, Hatano waits fifteen minutes to make sure Amari's gone. Then, he turns to her.

"Hey, Emma."

"Yes, Uncle Hatano?"

"Ya wanna learn how to ride a bike?"

The sparkle in her big, blue eyes is all the answer he needs.

After what happened last week, Amari's had some hesitations leaving Emma with Hatano for the day. He thought for sure Hatano would just shoot him down, but surprisingly, Hatano accepts without any complaints. Though, Amari's not really in a position to question it since he's pressed for time. Not that he doubts Hatano (though, Jitsui's another story), but he's glad to see Emma all in one piece when he comes to pick her up. Hatano even sends them off with a smile, a sight he doesn't see too often.

"Papa, Papa! Guess what?" Emma asks as they take the elevator down. She bounces excitedly in his arms and despite how tired he feels, Amari can't help but share her enthusiasm.

"What is it, sweetheart?"

"Guess!"

"Hm, okay. You went to the aquarium and saw the dolphins today."

"Nope~ Guess again."

"No? Then did Uncle Jitsui let you help with his manga?"

"Nuh-uh. One more try."

"Okay then... you and Uncle Hatano made flour bombs!"

"No~" Emma giggles. "It's none of that!"

"Well, don't leave me hanging," Amari teases.

"Uncle Hatano taught me how to ride a bike!"

Amari chokes, nearly dropping Emma in the process.

"Are you okay, Papa?"

"J-Just fine, darling." It takes all his strength not to cry right there and then. "I-Is that so? How did it go?"

Emma wastes no time explaining the bike riding lesson and chatters on about how fun it was and how fast she went and how cool it was to finally be on a big girl bike, but it all goes into one ear and out the other as they make their way back to the car.

For some time now, Emma's been wanting to ride a bike, claiming that she's gotten too old for her tricycle. It's taken a while, but Amari finally ordered the perfect bike for her -- a bright pink one with those colorful tassels on the handles and a cute, little basket in the front. There's even a bell on it, because she says she likes the way they sound.

It was supposed to be a surprise when it comes in later in the week, but... he figures it doesn't mean much now.

Tazaki reserves his mornings for his birdies-and-me time and no one -- not even those closest to him -- is allowed to interrupt it. So when his phone rings, he's already going through possible forms of punishment to whoever's calling. Not even a hint of mercy crosses his mind when he sees "Amari 🐳💞" on the screen.

He answers, ready to reprimand Amari for disturbing him, but a shrill cry cuts him short.

"Uncle Tazakiii!!"

"Emma, dove," he says as calmly as possible. As he hears her hiccuping on the other end, he decides that maybe he'll make one exception. "What's wrong?"

"Papa, h-he won't get up...!"

Grip tightening on his phone, Tazaki's heart drops and his blood runs cold.

"Did something happen?"

"I-I don't know..." She sniffles. "I t-tried waking him up but he won't get outta bed."

By the time she's finished speaking, Tazaki's already put on his shoes and grabbed his keys.

"Don't worry, dove, I'll be right there," he says and wasting not a second, he scrambles out of his apartment. It's times like these that he wishes he had a car, but he's able to make it to Amari's place quickly nonetheless.

As soon as he gets there, Emma clings onto him for dear life. He takes a moment to help her calm down and reassures her that no, Papa isn't dead and yes, Papa will be all right (probably, he thinks, but he doesn't want to start freaking out either). Once she's settled down with Frate to keep her busy, Tazaki steels himself and enters Amari's room.

He finds a giant lump lying on the bed that he can only assume is Amari, but it's still and silent and Tazaki has to remember to take a breath in and a breath out and a breath in and a breath out and -- screw it, he can't possibly concentrate on his breathing exercises right now. With Emma out in the living room, he's allowed to freak out as much as he wants.

"A-Amari!" He rushes to his side and practically throws the covers off, and there's Amari laying face down without any hints of life. Kneeling down next to him, Tazaki takes one of his hands in his and starts shaking him. "Are you okay?"

The seconds tick by with no response from Amari and oh God, Tazaki thinks, how's he going to break this to Emma? She's already lost her birth parents, now she's lost another one and wait, being Amari's boyfriend means the responsibility of taking care of her goes to him. But he's not ready to raise a child by himself and oh no, his boyfriend's dead, how's he supposed to deal with this? He's never had a dead boyfriend before --

"Tazaki...?" Ever so slowly, Amari tilts his head towards him.

"Oh thank God," Tazaki says, cradling Amari's face in his hands. Taking a closer look at him, Amari's eyes are tired and dull and it's so strange seeing him without his usual cheer. "Emma said you wouldn't get out of bed so I thought something bad happened like you were paralyzed or you slipped into a coma or -- o-or --" Tazaki pauses to collect his thoughts. "I just... what happened?"

"Sorry for worrying you," Amari says, giving him a weak smile. "It's just that Hatano..."

He trails off, voice cracking. Tazaki leans in.

"W-What about Hatano?" Oh God, did something happen to Hatano that he's not aware of? He's a reckless guy, so it's not unlikely that he'd get himself into some sort of accident or get involved with the wrong people or --

"He... taught Emma how to ride a bike."

"Oh my God! I can't believe -- wait." Tazaki blinks once. Twice. Three times. Then it really sinks in. "What."

In his head, Tazaki replays the words over again and stares at Amari's sorry state. He opens his mouth to speak, but finds that he can't properly express himself with words. So instead he lets go of Amari, grabs the pillow from underneath his head, and smacks him.

"Ow! Why --"

"That's it?" He hits him again. "Emma was so worried about you and it was all because Hatano taught her how to ride a bike?" And once more for good measure. "What's wrong with you!?"

All the while, Amari sits up, arms raised in a vain attempt to defend himself from Tazaki's onslaught.

"You don't understand!"

"Oh." Tazaki raises an eyebrow. "Really?"

"A child only learns how to ride a bike once; it's an important bonding moment between a father and his child." Amari sniffles. "Hatano took that away from me."

Tazaki grips the pillow, having half the mind to hit him again. Maybe it's because he's not a father himself, but he finds Amari's reaction a little, well, ridiculous. Then again, he's used to ridiculous when it comes to Amari. Regardless, it must mean a lot to him if he's acting like this and that's enough for Tazaki to stop and consider the situation.

"That doesn't mean you can just mope around." He sits down next to him and lightly, hits him with the pillow.  "I know it hurts, but Emma still has a lot of firsts to go through and you'll be there for it."

Amari doesn't respond immediately, but he leans onto Tazaki's side.

"You have a point..."

"And you'll get the opportunity again, won't you?" He coughs, realizing the implication and quickly adds, "Theoretically. Hypothetically. Possibly. You might have more kids."

"But it won't be the same." Amari pouts. "Emma is Emma and those children are those children. It's a different experience."

"Is it really?"

"Of course!" Amari says. "Because each child is unique, so each experience won't be the same. And the chance I had with Emma --" Sniffling, he rubs his eyes. "-- was stolen, and I'll never get it back!"

As Amari plops his head on his lap, Tazaki sighs and runs his hands through Amari's hair. He's definitely gonna have to call Hatano about this.

Tazaki says he's gonna treat Hatano for the day but what Hatano gets instead is a one-on-one with Amari, courtesy of Tazaki himself.

"Emma and I are going out," Tazaki tells them. "You two aren't allowed to leave until you work things out. And don't either of you dare think about leaving because I will know," he says, looking directly at Hatano and Hatano doesn't quite get how Tazaki's able to rework Amari's lock so quickly so that it only opens from the outside, but it's whatever he supposes.  

"We'll be back by evening. You have until then to make up."

And with that, Hatano and Amari are left alone, seated across one another at the table.

Both of them refuse to look at each other -- or more like, Hatano refuses to look at Amari and Amari awkwardly tries to make eye contact -- but Hatano tries not to let the atmosphere get to him, and kicks back in his seat with his hands resting behind his head.

"So," Amari says, breaking the silence.

"So," Hatano repeats.

A beat.

"You taught Emma how to ride a bike."

"I sure as hell did." Hatano smirks as Amari winces. "The kid's a natural."

"I'm sure she is," Amari says. Hatano hears the cracks in his voice. "She's very quick to catch on."

"Unlike a certain someone," Hatano mumbles.

"Look at me, Hatano" The seriousness in Amari's voice catches him off guard and he does just so. He's not used to that disappointed look Amari gives him nor that serious tone he's using -- it's almost like when his own dad's yelling at him, but Hatano reminds himself Amari's not the same guy as his father. "Can you tell me why you did that?"

His words aren't harsh or demanding, but soft and coaxing and it's enough to make Hatano shift in his seat. Okay, maybe he's starting to feel a little bad.

"Because you ruined something of mine."

He could practically hear the ticking of the clock as he waits for Amari to reply. Amari's brows furrow and he tilts his head in that way he does when he's thinking about something.

"Is it about that game thing --"

"Switch."

"-- Switch thing?"

Hatano chews the inside of his cheek.

"Yeah."

"I said I'd pay you back."

"It's not enough!" Hatano slams his hands on the table. "I spent weeks saving up for that, y'know? It took me a while to find one in store too. And I didn't even get to open the box."

Amari holds his gaze for a moment before taking his hands in his. Despite how annoyed he is, Hatano lets him.

"I'm really sorry," he says, not breaking eye contact. "I didn't consider your feelings and I hurt you. I'll do anything to make up for it, I promise."

He heaves a sigh.

"But, you know," Amari continues. "You hurt me too. You also ruined something for me."

Here, Hatano looks away.

"You only have one chance to teach your child how to ride a bike." Amari swallows hard. "And now my chance with Emma is gone."

With that said, silence falls over and Hatano isn't quite sure if the quiet is any better. Hesitantly, he takes a peek at Amari and God, there's that kicked puppy look on his face. How the hell is he supposed to stay mad at that? Sighing, Hatano removes his hands from Amari's and crosses his arms.

"I guess," he starts, "it was a little bit harsh."

"A little bit?"

"Shut up while I'm apologizing."

Amari makes a zipping motion across his lips.

"Maybe I overreacted, but it was really unfair to you." He inhales deeply. "I'm sorry. Like really sorry and..." His mind is a tizzy, trying to think of some way to make up for what he's done. "You can teach my kids to ride a bike."

Slowly, Amari nods.

"All right. That's fair," he says, but then his nose crinkles. "Wait. I thought you didn’t want kids."

A pause.

"You can teach Yoru."

Another pause.

"Okay."

Later that week, Emma hit the town in her swanky, pink bicycle with Yoru at her side. They became internet sensations.