#probably doesn't count as spoilers but i'm doing it for friend purposes

[thehappiestgolucky]

Actual sin I don't get the option to hug all the other companions (especially out of romance) that is denying Agama's whole way of showing their love and affection-

[joelscruff]

one day i'll feel alright (joel miller x reader) 18+

here it is... the Big One. i've been hyping up this part of my soft!dom joel series for a while now (probably too much, i'm sorry) but i'm so excited to finally share it with you guys. i just wanna note that this is not the end of soft!dom joel by any means. i wanna keep writing for these two as long as i can, just probably nothing else as long as this lmao 💖 enjoy! | masterlist summary: joel must finally face his demons when you don't return from patrol. rating: 18+ explicit warnings: fem!reader, age difference (reader is mid 20s, joel mid 50s), dom/sub dynamics (joel is dominant but not degrading or aggressive), hurt/comfort, angst, praise kink, dirty talk, bathing together, oral (both f and m receiving), unprotected p in v sex, size kink, orgasm denial, comeplay, come eating, yall this one is SO filthy be warned word count: 15k | ao3 spoilers: this contains vague spoilers for part two of the video game (and most likely for season two of the show). nothing too major (joel does NOT go golfing in this fic).

The patrol schedule is posted on Monday morning outside the community center and you're one of the first people to look at it, eyes frantically scanning for your name as your heart pounds in your chest. There's no way, you think to yourself, still searching, He wouldn't actually talk to Tommy about a schedule change.

You finally find your name and feel those annoyingly familiar angry tears begin to burn in your eyes.

"Fuck you," you mutter under your breath, shaking your head, "Fuck you, Joel."

You're no longer his patrol partner.

You briefly consider going to his house, pounding on his door until he answers and screaming in his face about how ridiculous and immature he's being, but you realize that doing so would make you just as immature. Instead, you just decide to pretend it never happened, like you never patrolled with him to begin with.

"Steve is nice," one of your friends says to you later, "I like him, you'll get along."

Who the fuck is Steve? you want to ask, but then remember that it's his name that has replaced Joel's on the schedule. To make matters even worse, you're no longer going up to the ski lodge and are instead going out past the perimeter, a patrol location known to encounter raiders pretty often. Fantastic.

--

The next time you see him is that night in the dining hall, sitting in his usual corner by himself and gulping down bites of chili like he hasn't eaten in weeks. It used to be endearing, those big bites, now it just pisses you off.

He doesn't look at you. Over the past few weeks you'd grown accustomed to him peering over at you every so often, giving you small smiles to acknowledge that he saw you and remembered what the two of you shared every weekend. Neither of you would talk about it; it was private and belonged on the mountain, which you were fine with. At least he'd give you those looks, those smiles, and remind you that you were his pretty girl, his little secret.

Now his lack of acknowledgement, his purposeful ignorance of your presence, it makes you feel sick. You end up having to excuse yourself before you do something you'll regret. Like punch someone.

--

Steve is nice, but that's your first immediate problem with him. He's too nice. He talks too much, constantly trying to fill a silence that doesn't need it, asks you way too many questions and doesn't seem even vaguely put-out when you give him the most basic possible answers. He's young, probably in his mid-thirties, and you find yourself desperately missing the long and comfortable silences you shared with Joel, his gruff sighs, his breathy chuckles, his music, his books, his age. You realize pretty quickly that you view Steve as a boy and not a man, despite him being older than you. Internally, you tell yourself you need to get a grip.

Your new patrol location isn't as bad as you'd first thought; you're stationed in an abandoned cabin in a wooded area past the perimeter. It's cozy and inviting, kind of reminds you of the ski lodge, which quickly makes you feel depressed. You both take turns circling the area - although at first Steve had suggested you do it together; you'd vetoed that immediately. Your main responsibilities are checking traps and watching out for infected. It's actually a bit more engaging than your previous patrol which you feel slightly grateful for; it's nice to feel busy. And to shut your thoughts up.

At the end of your first patrol with Steve you both walk back to Jackson together in the early morning, him still continuing to chat and tell you things about himself regardless of whether you respond. You're almost back to town when you notice that you're suddenly on the same path you and Joel used to take, the one that leads up to the mountain. You stop in your tracks.

"What time is it?" you ask, interrupting whatever Steve had been prattling on about.

He looks down at his watch, "Almost six," he smiles at you, "We'll be back just in time for breakfast."

Almost six; around the time you and Joel would usually be reaching the bottom of the mountain. Your eyes scan the tree line, brow furrowing as you search for any sign of him making his way down the path. Steve stands there awkwardly, waiting for you to say something.

"Should we...?" he gestures toward the path you're both on, toward town, and you bite your lip in thought.

"Just gimme a sec," you say quickly, still searching, "I wanna say hi to my old patrol partner."

"Aw, that's sweet," he says with a smile, and it's so earnest and endearing that you can't necessarily be annoyed, "My old patrol partner, we-" he starts chatting again, buying you some more time.

Not more than a moment later, two figures suddenly emerge from the trees: Joel and Tommy. You feel your heart start to pound as they walk down the path, neither seeing you and Steve standing there until they're almost directly in front of you. They're caught up in some kind of deep conversation, you might even call it an argument judging by Tommy's stiffness and Joel's flared nostrils.

Tommy sees you first, giving you a wave and a smile, then nudging Joel. Joel follows Tommy's eyeline and suddenly freezes in his tracks, standing still on the path while Tommy continues to approach you.

"Good patrol?" he asks, nodding to Steve, "No trouble?"

"No, sir," Steve says, eager and polite, kind of like a golden retriever puppy, "No problems whatsoever."

"Glad to hear it," he looks at you again, "Hey, mind if we meet later for a chat?"

You wonder if he wants to chat about whatever he'd just been arguing about with Joel. Intrigued, you nod, "Sure."

Joel reaches you then, pace slow and hesitant. You turn to look at him, trying not to let the anger you feel toward him completely overtake you; the last thing you need right now is to either start crying or yelling.

"Hey," you say with a stiff nod.

"Hi!" Steve says beside you, and you try not to wince as he puts his hand out, waiting for Joel to take it, "I'm Steve."

Joel simply stares at him, then his hand, and then looks at you, eyes dark and cold. His gaze slips between the two of you back and forth for a few seconds, expression unreadable, then continues down the path without speaking.

"Meet me by the stream 'round noon, alright?" Tommy says, backing away to follow Joel, "I'll bring you lunch."

You watch as he catches up to Joel, says something to him, but Joel doesn't respond and just keeps on walking ahead, pace quicker and quicker. You're still just standing there watching their forms get smaller when Steve finally speaks again:

"He's...uh...friendly."

You laugh without humor, hitching your pack up your shoulder and starting to walk, "Oh, you have no idea."

--

You meet Tommy around noon by the stream like he'd asked, crossing the bridge and giving him a small wave of acknowledgement as you approach. He's got a paper bag with him; lunch, just like he'd promised.

"Tuna fish," he says with a kind smile, chuckling at the face you make as he hands the bag to you, "It was either that or egg salad."

"The dining hall must stink today," you reply with a scrunch of your nose, but you take the bag gratefully, "Thanks, Tommy."

"No problem," he gestures toward the bench he's sitting on, inviting you to join him, "Let's talk."

He talks and you mainly listen, nodding along every so often and chewing your tuna sandwich thoughtfully. He starts by thanking you for "everything" you did for him and Maria, which you quickly dodge because all you'd done is take a patrol off his hands - a patrol that's gone back to being his again, but he doesn't mention that part. He talks about how big a help you've been, how he's glad you're here, all the basic stuff he's already told you before. You're almost done your sandwich when you realize he's talking complete bullshit.

"Tommy," you say, balling the paper bag up and shoving it into your pocket, "If you wanna talk about Joel, just do it."

He freezes, recognition dawning in his eyes as he sighs and presses his fingers to the bridge of his nose. It's a habit he and Joel share, and you can't help but feel an ache in your heart when the image of Joel doing the same thing crosses your mind.

"I'm sorry about the switch," he finally says with a deep sigh, "Joel told me to do it. Not asked, told. He was pretty obstinate, told me it wasn't workin' between you two anymore and he wasn't gonna stay on ski lodge if you were there."

The words sting, even coming from Tommy. You swallow the last of your sandwich and cast your eyes down to the stream, watching the water ebb and flow as Tommy continues to speak.

"I just want you know that if I had it my way, you'd still be up there with him," he says it earnestly, and you understand now why he'd led with all the compliments and reassurances; he'd thought you didn't know why you'd been switched.

"I know," you say quietly, "Tommy, I know it was Joel's idea. He told me last patrol that he was gonna ask you to take me off ski lodge."

"But why?" he sounds genuinely confused, "It was working so well, Maria and I thought you had a great thing goin'."

You nod slowly, refusing to look at him, "We did. But I guess he never told you any details?"

You sense him shake his head beside you, "No, I spent almost the whole patrol trying to get him to talk about it and he wouldn't. Just kept saying it wouldn't work anymore and that he wasn't gonna say anythin' else about it. Stubborn, my brother. Always has been."

I know, you want to say, believe me, I know.

"So I figured I'd ask you."

You finally look over at him then, "There's not much to say, Tommy."

"But there's somethin'," he leans forward, looking concerned, "I know my brother, I know when he's hidin' somethin'. There's somethin' he's not telling me and I want you to tell me 'cause otherwise I'm just gonna assume the worst."

"Which is...?"

He sighs, leaning back against the bench again, "I don't even know."

You touch the back of your neck awkwardly, trying to decide how to word it. There's absolutely no way you're giving him all the details - or any details for that matter - but you do owe him some kind of explanation considering he's now losing his free time again over this.

"Me and Joel, we..." you bite your lip, "We had...." you sigh and shake your head, "Okay, what I'm about to say does not leave this bench, Tommy. You can tell Maria but that's it."

"Oh shit," he says, eyes going wide, "Were y'all fuckin' up there?"

You groan, leaning forward as your arms fall to your knees and you cover your face with your hands. He's not necessarily correct, but somehow the reality is much more embarrassing to admit. You don't say anything in response, confirming his suspicions.

"Jesus Christ," he says, voice full of genuine surprise, "I was...holy shit, I was not expectin' that."

"Anyway," you say into your hands, skin turning bright red beneath your fingertips, "It's over now and he doesn't want me up there with him anymore, that's all you need to know, okay?"

"Yeah," Tommy says immediately, "Yeah, sure, of course. I wouldn't dream of -" he makes a weird noise, "God, I did not think that's what was goin' on."

"Sorry," you wince, pulling your hands away and sitting up again to look at him. He looks genuinely uncomfortable, arms crossed as he shifts next to you on the bench, cogs turning in his mind. He's probably thinking about what exactly the two of you have been doing up there when you're supposed to be patrolling and the very thought makes both of you cringe simultaneously.

"No, don't apologize, I asked," he shakes his head again, eyes still wide, "I, uh, I won't tell anybody, no worries."

"You can tell Maria," you reiterate, "I don't want you keeping anything from your wife."

"I'll tell her but I doubt she'll believe me," he's staring ahead, still in shock, "You? With Joel? I'm sorry but..." he laughs loudly, still shaking his head, "I didn't think my brother had it in him."

You make a face and stand up, "Okay, that's my cue to leave."

"No, sorry, I'll leave," he stands up as well and digs his hands down into his pockets awkwardly, "I'll uh... be at the bar, if you need me."

He goes to cross the bridge but stops halfway, turning slowly and giving you one last kind and gentle look, apologetic.

"Hey, I'm sorry it didn't work out," he says, and you can tell he means it, "You're real sweet, my brother's just an ass."

"I know," you say with a small nod, "You did warn me."

"I did," he says it sadly, looking down at the stream, "He has his reasons, though. Maybe he'll tell you one day."

"Maybe."

He turns back around and walks away, leaving you standing there alone by the stream with an ache in your heart that won't go away.

He was pretty obstinate, Tommy's words echo in your head, told me it wasn't workin' between you two anymore and he wasn't gonna stay on ski lodge if you were there.

You stare at the steady flowing water and try not to think about how much it hurts to know he really said that to Tommy. Is that how little you mean to him? How little what the two of you shared meant? You've known the whole time that it wasn't a "real" relationship, you haven't even kissed him for god's sake, but it was a relationship nonetheless. A little weird, a little timid, but soft and new and safe and warm. And all along you'd just been a distraction for him.

In the deepest parts of yourself you've known this all along, remembered how many times in the past few weeks he said that it would be the last time, that he couldn't do it anymore, and you'd just continued to persist and persist until he'd finally had enough. You hadn't really thought he'd end it, didn't think he really meant it.

The tears start flowing before you can stop them. You continue to just stand there dejectedly, staring at the water and trying to figure out what exactly it is about you that made him simply stop caring - if he even cared to begin with.

A rustle of branches makes you jump and your head snaps up, looking toward the sound. A short distance away you catch a bush moving in an unnatural sort of way, shaking back and forth like someone had been watching from behind it. Quickly, you dash forward and pull the leaves apart to find the culprit.

No one's there.

Hurriedly you wipe your face and walk across the bridge, shoving your hands back in your pockets and hoping someone hasn't just witnessed your moment of weakness. And if they have, they'd better keep it to themselves.

--

Another week passes without any acknowledgement from Joel. You decide to stop eating in the dining hall because it hurts too much, instead grabbing your meals to-go and eating them either in your house or by the stream. On one occasion you'd arrived at the stream at the same time Ellie had decided to sit and practice guitar, freezing in place when you saw her. You hadn't spoken since that one very brief conversation months ago when she'd asked about your scars. You hadn't known then what you know now.

"Hey," she'd said with a nod, then went back to strumming aimlessly on her guitar, "You can eat your lunch here, I don't mind."

You'd shaken your head and taken a step back, "No, that's okay, sorry," then you'd turned and practically run away from her, not entirely sure why.

She reminds you of Joel, you dummy, you'd thought to yourself on the walk back home, biting down on your lip and trying to keep the tears at bay this time. Everything reminds you of Joel.

--

On Saturday morning you hear a knock at your door. You're still in bed, confused and bleary eyed as you sit up and wait to hear it again, just to be sure you're not still dreaming. When you hear a second series of knocks you practically tumble out of the bed and run downstairs, blanket trailing behind you as you dart to the front door.

It's Joel, it has to be Joel, he's here to apologize, he's gonna kiss you and tell you he's sorry.

You yank open the door and feel your face fall immediately when you see none other than Steve standing there, hands on his hips. He grins at you but it falters slightly when he looks down and sees that you're still in your pajamas.

"Morning, sleepy head," he greets you, reaching forward to playfully bump your arm with his fist, "Looks like someone missed their alarm."

You stare at him, vision still slightly blurred from sleep. You reach up to rub your eyes so you can see him clearer, make sure he's actually standing there in front of you. Yup, he is.

You force yourself to smile back - something which takes a lot of effort but he seems to find genuine - and reply, "My bad, I guess I did."

"No worries," he says with another wide grin, "We got some time before we need to leave, no rush!"

You force one last smile and shut the door in his face, trying not to slam it - even though you really want to. You look at the clock on the wall over your fireplace and make a face: 4:30. He woke you up at 4:30, half an hour before your alarm.

"Steve, I swear to god," you grumble to yourself, heading for the bathroom as you drop your blanket to the floor and clamor back up the stairs; there's no point in going back to sleep, you're wide awake now and pissed.

You know who'd never do this? Joel.

After a shower and a quick bowl of cereal you head back out to meet Steve, prepared to put on your best everything is great impression again. You stop dead in your tracks as soon as you open your door.

"Listen, sir, I think you should leave," Steve is saying, voice cracking slightly as he talks to the figure in front of him.

It's still dark outside; the sun hasn't come up yet and everything is muted and hard to make out. It takes you a few seconds to figure out who Steve is talking to, the figure shrouded in shadow and half hidden behind Steve's tall form. You feel your face go pale when you hear him reply.

"You didn't answer my question," the growl is unmistakably Joel's and you grip the edge of the door in your hands tightly, not opening it all the way as you eavesdrop. What the fuck is he doing here? What question?

"I don't think I owe you a reply," Steve replies, attempting to stand his ground but sounding pretty pathetic, voice shaky and high, "I think you should move along, sir."

"What the fuck are you doing at this girl's house at four in the fucking morning?" Joel practically spits, taking a step toward Steve. In response, Steve takes a step backward. He's not a confrontational guy, you know that from the one patrol you've spent with him, "Answer me."

"I'm her patrol partner," Steve finally says, putting his hands up in defeat, "I'm waiting for her to get ready."

"Patrols don't start 'til five thirty."

"It's true, I swear, you literally met me last week!"

That seems to stump Joel, and he must be trying to figure out what to say next when you shove the door open and walk out onto your porch.

"Joel, what the fuck are you doing?" you ask, voice steady and firm. He looks over at you in surprise, backing away from Steve. Is it just your imagination or did his expression soften when he saw you? But that doesn't matter now.

You walk down the steps of your patio and stand in front of Steve, shoving him behind you lightly, "Steve, I'll meet you at the gate," you say firmly.

"But-"

"Steve. Please leave. I'll meet you in a few minutes."

"...Okay," you can't see him but you hear him walk away from you, trudging down the gravel path in the opposite direction. Once his footsteps are faint enough, you finally address Joel again.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" you repeat, "Why are you berating Steve in front of my house?"

"Who the fuck is Steve?" Joel asks; the question of the hour.

"My patrol partner," you reply, shaking your head, "I mean, you should probably know that seeing as you're the one who switched with him."

"I don't know who I switched with, Tommy did that," he retorts, looking away from you, down at his boots, "Wasn't my decision."

"Right, 'cause nothing's ever your fault, right?"

He looks back up, a glint of emotion in his eyes that you've seen only once before, "You have no fucking idea," he says, voice heavy and gruff, "Don't even-"

"Don't even what, Joel? You're the one standing in front of my house at the ass crack of dawn yelling at some guy you've never even talked to before. Steve's actually great, by the way," you're laying it on thick but you don't care; you want him to think you've moved on, "Patrolling with him is much better than patrolling with you."

He raises an eyebrow, "Is that so?"

"Yeah," you lie, cheeks going red with anger, "He actually talks to me."

"And fucks you, I gather?" he says it with a hard edge that makes your blood run cold.

You stand there just staring at him, mouth agape as he lets what he just said wash over you. You inhale and exhale deeply, feeling those godforsaken tears sting in your eyes as you take a step away from him, genuinely fearful that you might end up slapping him or punching him or doing something you shouldn't.

"Fuck you," your voice is small and broken and the tears are already flowing, "Fuck you, Joel."

His expression changes then, and you know an apology is coming. You put your hand up before he can speak, shaking your head.

"Don't," you say, firm and solid, not bothering to wipe your tears as they flick off your face into the grass below, "We're done." You turn on your heel and stomp away from him, feeling a sob wrack through you as you cross your arms and speed walk to the main gate where you know Steve is waiting.

Joel doesn't follow you.

--

Steve knows better than to question you about what happened. As soon as you'd approached him at the gate he'd seen your tears and the shake of your head when he'd opened his mouth to say something. Ten minutes later you were on your way out to the cabin again without either of you saying a word.

Now you're back on patrol with an aching heart and a huge lump in your throat that won't go away no matter what you do, trailing the perimeter back and forth with your head hung and eyes downcast. Joel's words repeat over and over in your head like a curse, damning you into a feeling of guilt that you don't think you really deserve. You haven't done shit with Steve, the assumption that you'd just immediately moved on from your sexual relationship with Joel to another man makes your blood boil. Who the fuck does he think you are?

Do you really even know him? This whole time he's remained so secretive and aloof, mysterious and cryptic. You hadn't pushed him to reveal more about himself, hoping eventually he'd open up to you, but he never did. Just kept you on a short leash with good girl and pretty girl and the way he'd look at you in those moments where you bared yourself to him.

But you're not much better, you remind yourself with a grimace, and you know it's true. You never told him much about yourself or your past. Yes, you would've, but you didn't. And you're the one who kept asking to get off with him, kept expecting more and being disappointed when he wouldn't give it to you even though he was clear about his boundaries.

"But that doesn't give him the right," you mutter to yourself, still walking through the muddy grass, deep in thought, "It doesn't make what he said okay."

No, it doesn't. But maybe he's hurting more than he lets on. Maybe this isn't as cut and dry for him as you'd thought. Why the fuck had he been snooping around your house so early this morning? He only lives a few houses down from you; had he seen Steve and felt he had to protect you? Does he actually care about you, as much as he tries to put on a front that it's only been sexual between you two and nothing more? Is that why he's been so distant?

You suddenly realize that you've gone much further than the perimeter, continuing to walk ahead instead of turning back and circling the area. You freeze, eyes scanning around as you try to discern exactly how far you've gone.

"Fuck," you mutter, turning around and starting to walk directly back the way you came, hoping it'll lead you right back to where you're meant to be.

--

It doesn't.

You'd been so lost in thought that somehow you've managed to lose the original path, the tall grass hiding any sign of your own footsteps. This is only your second time out here so nothing looks familiar; it's all grass and mud and trees and rocks. How long have you even been walking? Joel had once admonished you for not having a watch, said one day it was gonna bite you in the ass; you hate that he was right.

"Steve?" you call out, unsure if he'll be able to hear you since you don't know how far you've trailed from the cabin, "You there?"

No reply. You stop again and do another quick glance around, looking for anything that seems familiar to you. But no, this isn't the ski lodge perimeter where you'd grown accustomed to each tree, each stump, each rock. Nothing here is even vaguely telling you exactly where to turn.

You feel the dull throb of panic beneath the surface of your emotions but you quickly shove it down; you're good in situations like this, you've certainly been through enough shit to not get frightened over being a little lost. You've been lost before, you'll figure it out.

All the same, you keep track of the sun's location in the sky as you continue your directionless trek, noting that it's directly above you; noon. You have plenty of time before dark to find your way back, no sweat.

--

It must be around three o'clock when you finally make it back. Relief floods your entire body as you walk into the clearing and see the small wooden cabin sitting there still and picturesque, exactly how you'd left it. You bend down, closing your eyes and pressing your hands to your knees to take a few deep breaths and ground yourself. The panic had started to really settle in about an hour ago, but luckily it hadn't gotten to a point where you'd been too afraid to keep going.

"Steve," you say loudly, still breathing deeply, "I'm back."

No reply. You open your eyes again, heart still thumping in your chest as you eye the cabin for any sign of him. You walk over hesitantly, feeling a knot forming in your stomach when you open the front door and are greeted to a dark and empty cabin.

"Steve?" you say again, voice shaky.

No reply.

Fuck. He must have gone looking for you when you didn't come back to switch. Either that or he went back to Jackson, but you can't see a guy like Steve doing that. The way he'd stood up to Joel this morning, as embarrassing as it was, it had been enough to show you exactly what kind of man Steve is. He'd definitely gone to look for you. It's only fair that you do the same for him.

You grab a roll of twine from the cabin and start your search, making sure to mark the trees every now and then so you can find your way back again. You'd been advised in your patrol orientation not to do this because of raiders, but you doubt Tommy or Maria will give you shit for making sure you and Steve actually make it back to Jackson alive.

The thought makes the panic start to rise again, but you keep going.

--

You keep hoping you'll find some sign of Steve, but it's been about two hours and nothing has caught your eye. The twine is starting to run out and you fear you'll have to go back to Jackson without him, which will undoubtedly start a panic and a huge search party, all because you got a little distracted. This shit with Joel doesn't even matter anymore - you can't believe you let it affect you how it did. And now Steve is paying the price.

Another hour passes and you're preparing to turn back when you see it out of the corner of your eye. You freeze, hair standing up at the back of your neck when you look down to see shiny droplets of blood painting the grass.

You lean down instinctively, eyes wide, reaching forward to touch one of the many large red drops. It shivers beneath your finger, not yet fully dry. It's fresh.

Without hesitation you stand back up and pull your pistol out of its holster, cocking it and holding it steadily in front of you as you start to walk again. You have absolutely no idea what you're expecting to pop out at you; raiders? Infected? Or maybe Steve just cut himself somehow and you've taken your gun out for nothing.

A loud scream suddenly pierces the silence of the forest.

"STEVE!" you scream back, face going pale as you begin to sprint through the woods, gun still in front of you, "STAY WHERE YOU ARE, I'M COMING."

It's the last thing you say before you suddenly feel something tight grip your ankle and send you flying into the air, gun falling out of your hand. You find yourself completely upside down, entangled in a net.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. You sway back and forth in the thick netting, trying to find your gun somewhere below you, but you quickly become much too dizzy to discern absolutely anything. You hear Steve's scream again, further away this time, and your blood runs cold. The panic takes over and you can't speak.

Please, you think to yourself, shutting your eyes tight and trying to keep the dizziness at bay, please don't let me die before I see him again.

It's not Steve you're thinking about.

It doesn't take long for the blood to rush to your head, for your body to go completely numb as you hang there upside down, completely alone. You pass out within minutes.

--

It's pitch black when you wake up.

You're no longer hanging from a tree in the forest, no longer tangled up in a net. Instead, you're lying on what feels like a concrete floor. Your head is pounding, lips dry and parched. Your whole body feels heavy and achy, so much so that you can barely move.

"She's awake," you hear a voice say somewhere close by; it's female and sounds familiar, but not enough for you to place it.

You hear the squeaky hinges of a door opening, then a few hushed whispers that you can't make out. The door shuts again and you swear you hear the sound of a deadbolt being locked in place.

"Where am I?" you finally whisper, voice rough and broken, "Let me go."

"You're in Jackson," the female voice replies, kind and gentle, "You're safe now."

"Who are you?" you can't bring yourself to open your eyes, unsure if this person is really telling you the truth.

"It's Ellie," the voice replies, and recognition dawns on you immediately, "Remember me?"

You nod slowly, wincing at the pain as you continue to lie there on the floor, "Y-yes."

"When you didn't come back this morning they sent out a search party. Tommy found you hanging in a tree, brought you back right away."

This morning? So you must have been hanging there all night. Jesus, no wonder you feel the way you do.

You finally open your eyes then, and are beyond relieved when your vision isn't dizzy and blurry like it had been before you'd passed out. You spot Ellie a few feet away, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed, peering down at you with a soft expression.

"Steve?" you whisper.

Her brow furrows, "They found him too. I don't know the details but he was hurt pretty bad," she shakes her head, "They're gonna do everything they can."

You nod again, swallowing and wincing at the dryness of your throat, "C-can I have some water?"

"Oh, fuck, of course," she reaches behind her and grabs a bottle, then walks over to you. Her movements are slow, hesitant, and when she hands you the bottle her arm darts out and back extremely quickly.

You stare at her in confusion, slowly bringing yourself to sit up. She backs away from you again, presses herself against the wall and crosses her arms again. It's like she's feigning nonchalance.

Reality dawns on you.

"Am I bit?" you manage to whisper, clutching the water bottle tightly.

She swallows, looks directly in your eyes, "We're hoping you can answer that for us."

You slowly bring the water to your lips, mind racing. You try to remember anything beyond getting caught up in the net but there's absolutely nothing. If you'd been bit afterward, wouldn't it have woken you up? Wouldn't you feel the pain somewhere on you now?

You drink the entire bottle of water and place it next to you on the floor, then you begin to feel your body, placing your hands back and forth all over yourself and trying to find a particular spot that feels like it might have been bit. You come up blank; all that you feel is a steady ache from being numb for so long.

"I don't think so," you finally say, crossing your legs and bringing your hands to rest in front of you, "I feel okay."

"We only found you about two hours ago," she says softly, "So we weren't sure. This is where they keep people for observation, people who might be infected."

You assess your surroundings. You must be in some kind of shed; it's small and there's no furniture, only a single lightbulb hanging from the ceiling. If you'd woken up alone you probably would've thought you'd been kidnapped. Your brow furrows and you look over at Ellie in confusion.

"If I might be bit, why are they keeping you in here with me?" you ask, bewildered, "It's not safe for you."

Ellie kicks her heel and shrugs, "I don't know, they just thought you shouldn't be alone when you woke up."

She's lying and you don't know why, but you don't have the energy to press her further. What's important is that you're not alone, and you appreciate that. You watch as she inhales deeply, lost in thought, then brings her fingers to the bridge of her nose and squeezes. Just like Joel.

Joel.

"Does he know?" you suddenly whisper.

You didn't say his name but she clearly knows who you're talking about. She sets her lips in a firm line, "Yeah."

You place your head in your hands and sigh loudly, shutting your eyes tight. You suddenly feel like you want to cry, just at the thought of that big, broad, grumpy man being told that you didn't come back from patrol. Had he been upset? Annoyed? Angry? Scared?

"He's freaking out," Ellie answers for you, voice quiet, "He punched Tommy in the face."

"What?" you stare at her, eyes wide, "Why'd he do that?"

She laughs softly to herself, shaking her head, "Tommy wouldn't let him go with the search party."

Your face scrunches in confusion, "Why not?"

She looks away from you then, eyeing the closed door, "Because Tommy thought his feelings would get in the way," her voice is slightly shaky, like she might cry, "He thought if they found you dead, Joel might not come back, might try to find the motherfuckers who did it and make them pay."

You're already shaking your head, "That's dumb, he wouldn't do that."

Ellie laughs again, turning back to look at you, "You really don't know anything about Joel, do you?"

You stare, waiting for her to speak again. She adjusts her position, slowly sliding down the wall and sitting across from you with her knees pulled up against her chest.

"Joel's killed a lot of people," she says quietly, looking over at you with tired eyes, "I mean, a lot of us have, I'm sure you have too. We've all done shit we're not proud of," she thumbs a tear on her jeans, biting down on her lip, "But when it comes to the people he cares about... Joel doesn't do things halfway, never."

You swallow, "Ellie, I don't think Joel cares about me in the way you're thinking."

She smiles then, small and hesitant, but still a smile, "As I said, you don't really know much about him. Not like I do."

"But-"

She puts a hand up, "I know about the two of you. I overheard you and Tommy talking last week."

You remember that afternoon by the stream, the rustle of the bushes, when you'd pulled the branches back expecting to see someone but found nobody there.

"That was you?" you ask, eyebrows raised, "By the stream?"

She nods, "I showed up to play my guitar and you guys were already there talking. I wasn't gonna listen but then I heard Joel's name and..." she sighs, looking down at her knees, "I might not be talking to Joel right now but I like to know what he's up to."

You nod slowly, "So...you heard about..."

"The mountain, yeah," she makes a face, "Listen, I don't want the details, trust me, but I wasn't surprised when you said that, not the way Tommy was anyway," she giggles, "I love seeing him get all uncomfortable, it's so funny."

You snort, shaking your head, "Please, it was so awkward."

"He really had no idea, but I think I did, somehow," she smiles again, wistful, "As I said, I might not be talking to Joel but that doesn't mean I don't look out for him, watch him, make sure he's doing alright," she looks down again, "I'm not heartless, okay?"

"I know," you say earnestly, "I know you're not."

"I knew something was different with him. He's been so quiet and sad, doesn't talk to people very much anymore, but these past few weeks it was like he had a pep in his step, like the old Joel was coming back," she smiles at the thought, "And then I saw the way he'd look at you in the dining hall, all those little smiles. And at first I was like...gross. But then..." she sighs, shaking her head, "I don't know, I think it's cute how much he likes you. How much you changed him."

Her words elicit a warmth in your chest, soft and safe, like the feeling of being in Joel's presence. You wrap your arms around yourself, huddling forward and continuing to listen.

"We were eating breakfast when Tommy announced the search party this morning. As soon as he said what had happened I looked over at Joel. He looked like he'd just received the worst news of his life," her voice shakes again, like she's on the verge of tears, "He ran up to Tommy, started asking questions about the search, when they were starting, what way they were going, all that. Tommy told him that he couldn't come, they argued, Joel punched Tommy and then I had to practically pull them apart."

"You?" your mouth is agape, "You stopped the fight?"

She nods with another small smile, "As soon as Joel realized it was me pulling on him, he stopped. I told him I knew about what was going on, I said I'd stay with him until you came back safe and sound."

You feel tears prick in your eyes at the words, "That must have meant a lot to him."

"It meant the world to him, I know that," she says quietly, "I haven't talked to him for a long time, I'm sure you know that."

You nod, "I do."

She's silent then for a few moments, staring at the closed door again. When she finally speaks, her voice is shakier than ever, "I sat with him in his living room until they got back with you and Steve. He wanted to see you but they wouldn't let him, so I volunteered to stay with you. That's why I'm here."

She leans back against the wall with a sigh, biting down on her lip. You see tears beginning to brim in her eyes and you look away, knowing you wouldn't want someone staring at you if it was you getting emotional.

"He's lost a lot, you know," she says softly, sniffling a little bit, "He lost his daughter a long time ago, and a woman named Tess he really cared about," she takes a breath, shaky and full of emotion, "He almost lost me, too. That's part of the reason we're not talking."

You stare at the concrete floor, letting her words sink in. A daughter? Joel had been a father? And Tess, who was she? A girlfriend? A wife? Clearly someone important, and he'd lost both of them.

You've been through your share of trauma, experienced your own losses, but never to that degree. You'd never gotten close enough to someone to really feel a loss like that, can't even imagine what it would feel like. Your heart aches for him; that stoic, quiet, and mysterious man who'd let you in but kept you at arm's length... for reasons you're beginning to understand.

You stand up slowly, wincing at the aches you feel, your skin feeling prickly and uncomfortable as your circulation continues to regulate. Ellie's words cycle through your mind as you stretch, ringing quiet and tender in your ears; I think it's cute how much he likes you. How much you changed him.

"When can I see him?" you ask softly, still avoiding looking at her as you pull at parts of your clothes, searching again for a bite you're pretty sure doesn't exist.

"I'll ask Maria," Ellie replies just as quiet, standing up as well and walking over to the door, "If you were bit you'd be showing signs by now, I think you're okay."

"Ask her about Steve too, please," you add, "I need to know if he's alive."

She nods and opens the door, then goes outside and shuts it behind her. You hear the deadbolt slide back into place.

You burst into tears.

--

Ellie returns with Maria about ten minutes later, both of them looking at you with kind and sympathetic expressions when they find you standing in the middle of the room sobbing your heart out. Without hesitation, Maria walks forward and wraps her arms around you tightly.

"It's okay, sweetie," she says softly in your ear, rubbing your back gently, "Steve's okay, he's gonna make it."

Ellie looks down when she says this, and part of you knows that she knows you're not crying about Steve.

--

They walk you home slowly, Maria on one side and Ellie on your other. You complain a bit, telling them you're okay to walk on your own, but neither pay your stubbornness any mind, just keep their arms linked through yours as they walk you to your house.

You're on your street when you see two figures up ahead, and your heart starts to pound harder and harder in your chest the closer you get. Because you know who it is.

Joel and Tommy are leaning against the banister of Joel's front patio, talking quietly to themselves. You grimace at the sight of Tommy's black eye but feel relief flood through you when you see that he's smiling at Joel, clearly no animosity present.

"Look who's up!" Ellie says loudly, and they both turn to look in your direction.

Joel freezes, staring at you for a few brief seconds of recognition before he's suddenly throwing himself from the patio and sprinting toward you. You feel both Ellie and Maria release you from their grips, right before you're suddenly enveloped in the warmest, sweetest, most sincere hug you've ever received in your life.

Throughout all these months of knowing Joel, he's never truly touched you. Sure, he's touched your hand, shook it during your official introduction, helped you stand up here and there. He's touched your face once, your lips twice. And he's touched you where you longed for him to, begged him to, but only for a moment, just one touch. Gentle, tender, but never long enough for you to really feel him the way you've wanted to.

Now he pulls you close without any hesitation, no rules, no consequences. He presses his lips to the top of your head and whispers your name over and over until it sounds like a mantra, a prayer.

"Joel," you breathe, and you feel the tears start up again as you shut your eyes tight and just feel, listen to him say your name and hold you like you'll fall apart if he lets go.

"I thought I lost you," he says, voice rough and emotional, "Before I could even tell you how sorry I am."

"Shh," you squeeze him tighter, burying your face in his strong chest, "Don't worry about that, I'm here. I'm okay."

He holds you impossibly tighter and you hear the unmistakable sound of a sob rip through his teeth, tears dripping from his face into your hair. You pull back just enough to look up at him, see him peer down at you with an expression on his face that you've never seen before, impossibly soft and fond, eyes bright and yearning. Love.

"I'm sorry," he repeats, inhaling shakily, "For everything."

You shake your head furiously, "Joel, it's oka-"

"It's not okay," he interrupts, voice breaking again, "I'm so sorry. Not just for what I said yesterday, but for everything else. For pushing you away, making you feel like it was your fault, I'm so fucking sorry," he pulls you in again, his hand coming up to cradle the back of your head, "God, you have no idea how bad I've wanted to just hold you like this. I was such a fucking coward."

"You were afraid," you whisper, shaking your head, "I understand, Joel, I get it."

He lets out another sob, squeezes you tighter, "Don't let me go," he breathes, "Please don't let go."

For the entire hug you'd thought he was the one holding you, but you now realize that for him it's the other way around. You feel yourself start to cry harder as you pull him in tighter and just stand there, arms wrapped around his middle, face pressed against his chest as the beat of his heart thrums steadily in your ear. You both inhale and exhale deeply, moving as one being, one solid force. He kisses your head again and you melt further into his touch.

"I'm gonna head back to town," you hear Maria say softly nearby, probably to Tommy and Ellie, "Tommy, can you go check on Steve, make sure he's still doing okay?"

Joel stiffens at the name, suddenly pulling back from you to look over at Maria, "He alright?"

Maria nods, "Yeah," she turns to look at you then, expression serious, "He told us that when you didn't come back to switch patrols, he got worried, went out looking for you. Ended up running into a group of raiders, the same ones who set that trap you fell into. They stabbed him a couple times but nothing critical, he managed to get a few hits in himself before he got away, led them in the opposite direction."

"Jesus," you mutter, feeling guilt rush through you, "Are they still out there?"

"No," Tommy replies, shaking his head, "We took care of it. Steve knocked 'em around pretty good but we made sure none of 'em were breathin' by the time we left."

You nod slowly, still in Joel's embrace, "Tell him I'm sorry," you say quietly, "It's my fault."

"Shhh," Joel pulls you close again, rubbing your back gently, "Don't worry about that, let's get you inside."

"Make sure she has a bath," Maria says quickly, "Keep her warm, give her some food."

"I'm not a hamster," you groan, and you're surprised to hear Ellie laugh behind you. You'd forgotten she was there.

Joel suddenly pulls out of your embrace, still holding you with one arm while he reaches toward Ellie, "Come here," he says softly, "Please."

She shakes her head, taking a step back, "I'm going with Maria," she bites her lip, looks down and then looks back at Joel who's still staring longingly at her, "But I'll meet up with you later, okay?"

"Okay," he says quietly, voice still shaky, "Promise?"

She nods, gives him a small smile, "Promise."

--

"Where do you wanna go?" Joel had asked you softly, "Mine or yours?"

"Yours," you'd whispered immediately, no hesitation, "Please."

You now find yourself in Joel Miller's house, somewhere you never really ever pictured yourself. It's pretty similar to yours but there are a few differences, namely the amount of books and art. You hadn't known that Ellie was an artist; there are drawings all over his house, some in frames, some just laid around, all signed by Ellie, all beautiful. There's a picture she drew of him that he has framed on his fireplace, and you find yourself picking it up with a smile.

"Bath's almost ready," Joel says quietly behind you, and you spin back around. He looks at the picture in your hand, smiling softly, "Ellie drew that."

"She's really talented," you reply with a smile, "Wonder where she gets all this artsy fartsy stuff from?"

He chuckles, still standing a few feet away from you, "It's a mystery."

You place the picture back down and turn to look at him, feeling a nervousness in the pit of your stomach that you haven't felt around him in a long time, not since that first night together. Things are different now, it's palpable, and both of you are aware of it.

"Will you take a bath with me?" you ask quietly, unsure.

He nods slowly, eyes trained on your face, "Of course I will."

--

The bath is warm and welcoming. Joel had told you to strip down, get in, and that he'd be back momentarily with some food for you. You can't help but feel a little disappointed that he hadn't stuck around to watch you undress, but maybe it would've been inappropriate considering the circumstances.

You ease yourself under the water, a satisfied moan escaping your lips as the bath completely envelops you. He's put something in the water to make it smell good, lavender or vanilla. It instantly relaxes you, the heat of the water and the delicious smell making you feel completely at ease.

You lay there for a few minutes in silence, eyes closed, focusing on your breathing and bringing things back into perspective. You're okay, you're safe. Steve is okay, he's safe. You're both back in Jackson. You're with Joel, you're in his bath tub, he's downstairs making you lunch. Everything is okay.

Ellie's words filter through your brain again, distant but present; He lost his daughter a long time ago, and a woman named Tess he really cared about.

A light knock on the bathroom door shakes you from your thoughts. You smile, "Come in."

Joel enters the bathroom, bowl of soup in one hand and a tall glass of water in the other. He places them on the chair next to the tub, eyes avoiding you as he focuses on the task at hand. He kneels by the tub and spoons some of the soup carefully, then finally looks at your face as he brings the spoon to your mouth. You open, letting him feed you, letting him take care of you.

"Good?" he asks softly, gaze still on your face, ever the gentleman.

"Good," you say with a smile.

He feeds you a few more spoonfuls, smiling fondly at you as you eat. After a few moments of this you put your hand up, shaking your head, "That's enough for now, why don't you get in with me?"

His gaze finally falls then, looks at your body beneath the water, sees your nipples poking through the surface. He sighs, leans back a bit on his knees and shakes his head.

"I don't know if that's a good idea," he says quietly.

"Joel," you say quickly, voice steady, "Don't pull away from me. Not now. Not anymore."

He looks at your face again, expression sad and distant, "I'm afraid," he admits, "I'm afraid of being close to you."

"I know," you whisper, and you reach over to place your hand over his, stroking him gently with your thumb, "It's okay. It's okay to be afraid."

"I've lost a lot of people," he whispers, tears shining in his eyes, "I thought...I thought if I let myself get close to you, if I gave you what you wanted...I'd get attached. I'd fall for you," he says it earnestly, voice breaking slightly on the last few words, "But here I am, fallin' for you anyway."

You smile at him, soft and loving. You squeeze his hand and slowly sit up in the bath, putting yourself on display for him. His eyes don't leave yours, but he swallows and tenses his jaw at your movement.

"Bad things have happened to the people I care about," he says quietly, barely a whisper, "And you're young, you're beautiful, you have this whole life ahead of you and I'm-" his voice breaks and he looks down again, tears cascading down his cheeks, "I'm scared you'll end up like those people, dead and gone because of me."

"Joel-"

"And I'm scared I don't deserve it," he interrupts, looking up at you again, mouth trembling, "I don't think I deserve love. I don't deserve someone like you 'cause of everything I've done."

"What about Ellie?" you ask softly, squeezing his hand reassuringly, "She's alive and she loves you."

He scoffs, shaking his head, "She hates me."

"She doesn't hate you," you mean it, leaning forward to cradle his hand in both of yours, "I talked to that girl for the first time today, really talked to her, and I can see it plain as day. She loves you more than you could ever know, Joel."

"She stayed with me today," he whispers shakily, nodding slowly, "She sat with me 'til we knew you were safe."

"And you think that's hate?" you ask softly, "Joel, that's love."

He looks at you again, expression pained. You bring his hand to your lips, press a gentle and tender kiss to every knuckle, showing him how much he's worth, how much he means to you.

"I'm afraid," he repeats through his tears, watching you kiss him, "I'm afraid to want you the way I do."

You release his hand and lean back slightly in the tub, extending your arm for him to take, gazing at him with all the love and care you can muster, "Get in with me," you whisper, the splash of water the only sound in the room save for your heartbeats, both of which you swear you can hear, "Don't be afraid."

His eyes cast downward to your lips and he swallows again, then looks back up into your eyes, "Okay."

You watch as he stands up and starts to unbutton his shirt. You can tell that he's extremely nervous, his fingers trembling as he fights to get each button open.

"I'm gonna close my eyes," you say tenderly, "And when you're ready, tap my shoulder and I'll let you in behind me, okay?"

He nods slowly, fingers frozen on the third button, "Okay," he repeats.

You close your eyes and lean back, listening to the rustle of clothes beside you as he undresses. You're not used to this Joel, the one who seems powerless and submissive. You're not usually the one giving him orders, it's always been the other way around. You know he's just nervous, afraid of being close to you like this, and all you want is for him to feel relaxed again in your presence, feel like himself.

After a moment he taps your shoulder; you lean forward in the bath and feel him ease in behind you, his legs entrapping yours along the edges of the tub. He seats himself down, places his hands around your middle and pulls you in close. You feel his groin press against your lower back; you've never felt his cock before, and somehow the casual intimacy of his softness pressed against you makes you smile.

"You can open your eyes," he whispers, then presses a gentle kiss to the back of your neck.

You do as you're told, immediately seeing the way his legs are splayed out in front of you, long and strong beneath the water. You've never realized how small you are compared to him until this moment, completely enrobed in his body, heart thrumming against your back.

"This is heaven," you whisper, leaning back against him and closing your eyes again, "This is what I wanted, all along."

"I think you wanted a bit more than this," he replies with a chuckle, kissing your neck again, "And you'll get it, I promise. Let's just...let's just sit here for a little while first, alright?"

"As long as you need to," you murmur, and you swear you feel him smile against your skin.

--

You bathe together for a long time, just laying in each other's embrace and enjoying the company. Being this close to Joel truly is everything you could have ever hoped for, his strong arms wrapped around you as he noses your neck and breathes you in, holds you against his naked body like you're meant to fit there. He's so big and warm; you've never felt more safe.

At one point you scooch back a bit in this embrace, feel your ass unintentionally rub lightly against his cock beneath the water. Neither of you say anything, but you both slowly become aware of the way he hardens, begins to grow larger against you.

A few moments later the head of his cock is pulsing against your lower back. Your eyes are lidded, heavy, head bobbing backward to nestle at the base of his neck. His hands on your belly move upward to cup your breasts, holding you firmly and securely against him.

"Joel," you whisper, "Touch me."

The words bring both of you back to the ski lodge, the power he holds over you there, the way you're always at his mercy. You hope, despite the new situation, he'll be that person again for you. You crave it, need it.

"Not yet," he murmurs in your ear, "Be patient, pretty girl."

There he is.

You swallow, close your eyes and submit completely as he palms your breasts, tweaks your nipples between his fingers gently. You whimper pathetically, shuffle back against his cock again, feel the hard length of it along your back.

"You were a bad girl yesterday," he whispers in your ear, tongue darting out to taste your skin, making you shiver, "And today. Gettin' lost like that, makin' me worry..."

"M'sorry," you murmur, hands moving down to grip his thighs as he brings your earlobe into your mouth and sucks it, "Didn't m-mean to make you worry."

"I think," he whispers, breath hot against your skin, "I'm finally gonna have to punish you."

The words send tingles up and down your spine, eyes almost rolling back in your head when he sucks your earlobe again, eliciting sounds from you that only he knows how to generate. You squeeze his thighs tighter, feeling your pussy begin to pulse beneath the water.

"How?" you breathe, voice weak.

He releases your ear and noses your cheek, brings one of his hands from your breasts and rests a finger against your chin. He turns your face to the side, urging you to look at him. His eyes are dark, full of want and desire, and you know you're completely at his mercy.

"I'm gonna fuck you, baby," he whispers, "Gonna fill that pussy up with my cock."

The words send you into a tailspin, a guttural whine escaping your lips as your fingers press into his thighs, rubbing your own together to seek some purchase against your heat. He smiles, presses a gentle kiss to your temple, drops his hands and places them over yours, big and strong.

"I know that's what you want," he whispers, entangling his fingers with yours over his thighs, "But I'm gonna give it to you over and over again, gonna make you come as many times as I want, 'til you're begging me to stop, tellin' me it's too much, that you couldn't possibly come again," he squeezes your hands, licks a stripe up the side of your neck, "And then I'll give you another one."

"Please," you breathe, voice broken and full of desire, "Please, fuck me, Joel. I need it so bad."

"I know you do, baby," he whispers, "So be a good girl for me and do as I say, okay?"

"Okay," you whimper, leaning back in his embrace, feeling his cock prod your back.

"Say it."

"I'll be your good girl," you whine, trembling under his gaze, "I'm your good girl, Joel. Only yours."

He groans softly in your ear, "That's right, baby," he releases your hands from beneath his and cups your breasts again, squeezing gently, "Now, open yourself up for me."

With trembling fingers you reach beneath the water and pull your lips apart, using both hands to spread yourself for him. The water tickles you, makes you quiver in his grasp as you slowly push your middle finger inside.

"There you go," he whispers, "That feel good, pretty girl?"

"Y-yes," you whimper, throbbing around your finger.

"Add as many as you like," he tells you, "Need to be nice and open for my cock."

The very thought of finally having him inside you makes you whimper again as you add a second finger, feeling his familiar gaze on your cunt. It's so different this time, feeling how hard he is against you, being in his naked embrace while you obey his commands. This is nothing like being in his lap when he'd been fully clothed, holding you open for him. This is sex, pure sex that you know is going to last hours.

"Look at that," he murmurs when you've started to pump three fingers in and out of yourself at a steady pace, "So full for me, already ready to come, huh?"

You whimper, leaning back against his chest, feeling his wiry hair rub against your cheek. Without any hesitation he suddenly reaches down and presses his index finger to your clit, making you cry out in pleasure.

"Remember when I touched this clit for the first time?" he murmurs in your ear, circling it softly over and over, "Remember how you came just from a little touch? So sensitive, baby. Such a good girl."

His words send you over the edge, making you squirm and shake in his embrace as he gives you your first orgasm of the day, coaxes it out of you easily. You whimper when he touches your wrist, pulls your fingers out to replace them with his own.

"That's one," he whispers, sliding his index finger inside your heat, and you're not sure if he's talking about the orgasm or the digit. You're too blissed out to care, head bobbing against his neck again as he fingers you, adds a second and presses his lips to your ear, "Baby, she's so tight," he breathes, teasing a third at your entrance, "How's my cock gonna fit?"

"Mnnhnngg," you can't make words, looking down beneath the water at where he's fucking you relentlessly, fingers so big and thick compared to yours, his thumb toying with your clit.

"Can't even talk, huh?" he whispers, "Need to come again, I bet."

You don't think you'll be able to, not yet; you're so overstimulated but he just continues to fuck you with abandon, rubbing your clit with every thrust of his fingers. You arch back against him, his cock throbbing against your ass. Your fingers dig into his thighs again and he chuckles in your ear.

"Can't do that, baby," he whispers, "Play with your pretty little nipples for me, show me how hard they are."

You bring your trembling hands to your breasts, squeezing your tender nipples between your fingers and feeling another orgasm start building in your tummy. How? It's so soon since you had your last one, how the fuck can he give you another one so quickly?

He pumps his fingers steadily in and out of you, watching as you play with your nipples. He leans forward and presses a gentle kiss to the skin of your left breast, inches away from where your fingers are pinching.

"Put it in my mouth, pretty girl," he murmurs against the skin, nosing the little bumps and dropping his jaw. You whimper at his words, squeezing your breast and dropping it downward so he can wrap his lips around the sensitive bud. You groan, feeling his tongue dart out and begin to lick tiny circles around it.

Seconds later, you're coming again. You shake and shiver and then go completely still in his arms, eyes rolling back as he continues to suckle at your nipple. He removes his fingers, thumbs your clit one more time, then releases your breast with a light pop.

"Two," he says quietly, smiling at you, "Good girl."

--

Somehow you make it to his bedroom. Exactly how, you're not sure. You're so wrecked from having two orgasms in ten minutes that you feel like jelly, but you're vaguely aware of him picking you up from the bath and carrying you to his room, putting you in his bed. You lay there like a starfish, arms up and legs wide as you breathe heavily, chest heaving.

"So sleepy," he says tenderly, stroking your cheek, "You ready for bed, baby? Wanna stop?"

Your eyes snap open and you shake your head frantically, only to see him standing there with a wide smile on his face.

"I'm kidding," he says with a laugh, "Don't worry."

You roll your eyes and look up at his ceiling, "Ass."

"There she is," he replies warmly, "Missed my feisty girl."

"She never left," you say with a wink, turning to look at him; he's shuffled closer to the bed, standing over you with his cock in his left hand, slowly stroking up and down. Your lips part unconsciously, eyes going straight for the plump and wet head.

"Yeah, you wanna suck it, huh?" he says quietly, thumbing exactly where you want to place your tongue, "Tasted my come twice but never had me in your mouth, how naughty."

You look up at him from under your lashes, smiling playfully, "I'm a good girl, promise."

He smirks, "Are you? Then show me how a good girl sucks cock."

You don't need him to ask you twice. You sit up on the bed and slide forward, watching as he releases his cock and lets it bounce upward toward his stomach, big and thick. You've never been so close to it, never seen it in broad daylight like this; he's huge, so wide and girthy with a big vein trailing along the underside all the way to the head, fat and leaking. With a shiver you lean forward and suck the tip into your mouth, trying not to smile when you hear him release a deep sigh.

"'Atta girl," he groans above you, his hand immediately coming up to cradle the back of your head, "That's my good girl."

You swirl your tongue around the head of his cock, swallowing down everything he's leaking and then starting to bob your head along the shaft, reaching up to grasp the base firmly in your hand. He tastes like the bath; lavender and vanilla, mixed with a salty and masculine flavor that makes your mouth water.

"Oh, baby," he murmurs, watching as you take his entire length in your mouth with barely any hesitation, the head hitting the back of your throat without even making you gag, "That's it, take the whole fucking thing, just like that."

You're aware of the fact that you don't have a gag reflex; you'd thought about telling him a while ago, thought maybe it'd convince him to let you blow him, but you'd never been brave enough to say anything. Now, you're glad you never did. Hearing his absolute wonder as you take his entire length is more than enough.

"Oh, fuck," he groans, watching as you pull back almost all the way and then push yourself forward again to fully envelop him, the tip repeatedly prodding the inside of your throat, "Jesus fucking Christ."

You swallow around him and look up from underneath your lashes, eyes wide and burning. He looks down at you and immediately slips his cock out of your mouth, taking a step back and putting his hands up in surrender.

"Okay, okay," he says quickly, hissing through his teeth, "I'm gonna come if you keep goin'. Fuck."

You look at him with faux-innocence, eyes wide, "Did I do something wrong?"

He shakes his head, inhaling deeply and taking another step backward, "You're gonna kill me, baby," he curls his hands into fists, and you swear his cock bobs again completely on its own, like he's about to come without even being touched. The thought makes you shiver, "I know I say that all the time, but I mean it. You're gonna kill me."

You giggle, falling backwards on the bed again and stretching out your arms and legs, closing your eyes and listening as he does a quick pace around the room to distract himself from the orgasm his body is threatening to have. You just laugh and rotate your legs back and forth, feeling an immense amount of pride that you're not the only overly sensitive one in the room.

"You think that's funny, huh?" he asks you, and your eyes snap open to see him kneeling in front of you at the edge of the bed.

"N-no," you say, but your smile betrays you. He looks at you darkly and suddenly grabs your legs, pulling you closer to the edge of the bed and pushing your thighs apart, "Oh," you whimper, looking down at yourself, seeing where he's looking, where you're wet and dripping all over the sheets.

"Messy," he whispers, "Such a messy little pussy."

"It's yours," you tell him, as if he doesn't already know, "It's your little pussy."

"I know, baby," he leans forward and presses a gentle kiss to your inner thigh, "I've wanted to taste her for so long."

You quiver at his words, brow furrowing as he presses another soft kiss to the opposite thigh. He licks a stripe along the inside, just outside your lips where you're puffy and swollen. He kisses your mound, drags his tongue down and down and down until it swipes lightly against your clit.

"Joel," you moan, throwing your head back and fisting the sheets. He pulls back and you look down again to see him smirking at you, eyes suddenly bright and playful again.

"Tastes like heaven, baby," he says softly, then ducks his head down and pushes his tongue inside you with no warning.

You let out the loudest moan of your life as he begins to eat you out, tongue alternating between twisting and licking your insides and then suckling on your clit like he'd done with your nipple, circling it inside his mouth relentlessly. You writhe beneath him, so much that he has to press his hands firmly against your belly to hold you down.

The noises you're making are practically inhuman, uttering almost a completely different language under your breath as he coaxes more ridiculous sounds out of you. You quickly realize that looking down at him is a mistake; the sight of his greying curls splayed across your pubic bone and the shape of his curved nose pressed into the hair on your mound, his eyes closed in pleasure as he sucks and licks and devours, just the image alone brings you close to the edge.

"I'm gonna come," you manage to squeak out, and he pushes his hands harder against your belly, the added pressure making you groan louder than ever.

He pulls his mouth away.

"No," you breathe, shaking your head wildly with wide eyes, "No, no, no, don't stop. Please don't stop!"

He smirks at you, removing his hands and leaning backward to release you completely from his grip. You stare at him, completely bewildered.

"Joel," you cry, real tears starting to form in your eyes, but not from sadness or anger - this time, you're just horny. "Joel, why?"

He still doesn't speak, just sits there and watches you groan in disbelief, your hands coming up to cover your face. You buck your hips into the air, seeking some kind of pressure, but nothing helps.

"Joel," you repeat, "This is mean."

"I told you I was gonna punish you, baby," he says it with faux-disappointment, like he's not the one who makes the rules, "I'm the one who decides when you come. And what I just did is exactly what you just did to me."

You pout, sitting up on your hands and giving him a dirty look, "That's not fair, you told me to stop, I would've kept going."

"But if you'd kept going, how would I have been able to do this?" he asks, and suddenly he's standing up and leaning over you on the bed, knees sinking into the mattress as he hovers above you.

"W-what?" you ask, but you know the answer as soon as you feel the wet head of his cock gently prod your entrance.

"This, baby," he murmurs, and pushes himself all the way inside.

You almost let out a scream, squeezing his sheets in your hands as his huge cock practically rearranges your guts, feeling him in your stomach as he reaches his hands up to entwine his fingers with yours, plying them away from the sheets.

"Oh, she wasn't ready, was she?" he asks quietly, nosing your neck and smiling at the incoherent noises coming from your throat, "Poor little pussy, never had something so big inside of her, huh?"

He stays still inside of you, letting you get used to his wide girth and thick length, so large within you that you feel like you're going to burst. You continue to make odd noises, twitching under his grasp, and it takes you a few seconds to realize that you're coming. You're coming, just from having his cock fully sheathed inside of you.

"Three," he whispers in your ear, pressing a soft kiss to the skin there, "That's three times now, baby. Such a good girl for me."

Your pussy pulses and throbs around him, aching and burning in the most perfect way. How does he know exactly what you need? How does he know exactly what'll get you there?

"You're okay, baby," he murmurs, stroking your hair gently as you convulse around him, "You're doing so well, takin' it all so good."

You've never felt so full in your life. You've only ever had sex a handful of times, only ever actually been with two other men. If you had to compare them to this, you'd laugh in their faces.

"Big," you finally find your words, barely a whisper, "So big."

"I know," Joel kisses your temple, pulls back to look down at you with a gentle smile, "I'll wait 'til you get used to it, don't worry."

It's only then, looking up into those big brown eyes, that you realize you still haven't kissed him. He's got his enormous cock inside of you, stretching every inch of you open, and you've never kissed him.

It's like he's suddenly thinking the exact same thing. You watch as his brow furrows, lips parting slightly as he leans down and presses a sweet and gentle kiss to your lips, your eyes closing as you kiss him back with a hunger you've never known. You slip your tongue inside his mouth and he grants you entrance immediately, breathing deeply against your face as he sucks you in, lets you taste him. You can taste your own wetness on his tongue and it makes you moan against his lips.

"You're so fucking perfect," he breathes against your mouth, closing his eyes and rubbing his nose against yours, "My perfect girl, always so good for me."

"I'm yours," you remind him, voice weak and shaky, "I'll do whatever you tell me to, Joel."

He inhales deeply, removing his hands from yours and trailing them down your body to hold you closer to him, wrapping his arms around your torso and trailing his fingers up and down your back.

"You can move now," you whisper, still pulsing around him, "I can take it."

"I know you can, baby," he murmurs, "Such a good girl."

It takes a few slow thrusts, your mouth still eliciting the most unhinged sounds as he fucks you at the slowest pace imaginable, but eventually you build up a rhythm. He's so big, it's hard to believe he's actually fitting inside of you. You'd only ever seen his cock from a distance, in darkness, never realized how fucking huge he was. You can't believe you'd even managed to fit all of him in your mouth.

"I'm close," you groan in his ear, your own hands coming up to grip his back tightly, loving the feeling of having him pressed so close to you as he fucks you, "Give me my fourth, Joel, fucking give it to me."

He laughs lightly in response, pulling back to look down at you, "Not much of a punishment anymore, is it?" he says with a smirk, shaking his head, "Now you're begging for it." He slows down his thrusts, eventually stilling inside of you and pulling almost all the way out, letting the head of his cock sit inside your pulsing hole.

"Look at that," he says softly and you sit up to follow his gaze, looking down at your already fucked-out hole, his cock only connected to it via the fat head that sits nestled at your entrance, "Look at all your come on my cock, pretty girl."

You notice the white and glistening spots along his cock, feeling your cheeks go red at the recognition that it's all from you. You bite your lip, chest heaving breathlessly as he carefully pulls the tip from your hole and places it against your clit.

"Oh, fuck," you whimper, watching as he gently rubs the head in circles on your clit, his tip continuing to leak and making you even more slippery than you already are.

"Here's number four for you, baby," he murmurs, and pulls back his cock to lightly slap the head against you, the pressure immediately making you moan. He slaps it again, a little harder, and you have to bite down on your lip again to stop the onslaught of little whines you're threatening to make.

"Come," he says firmly, deliberately an order, and slaps the head of his cock against your clit one last time, delivering the final push.

Your eyes roll back again and you fall back on the bed, body twitching as you come for the fourth time, feeling his eyes on your pussy as your hole pulses and throbs around nothing.

"Good girl," he whispers, and seconds later you feel his cock slide back inside of you, exactly where it belongs, "There you go."

You lay there completely limp for a few seconds, body only moving with the thrusts of Joel's steady pace. You finally open your eyes again, see him kneeling on the bed above you. He's holding your lower half upwards, hands digging into your hips and thumbs splayed across your tummy.

"Use me," you breathe, eyes closing again, "Just use me for a few minutes."

He groans, a guttural and fierce noise that rips through the silence of his bedroom. You relax completely, melting into the sheets and letting him take what he needs, take and take and take, using you like his personal fuck toy, something you'd only dreamed about and never thought would ever actually come to fruition. Your arms hang limp and loose off the edge of his bed as you inhale and exhale, trying to get your energy back as fast as possible so you can come again.

Because you know he's not gonna let you off at number four.

After a few more steady thrusts you slowly sit back up on your elbows, looking at him through hooded and tired eyes. He can see that you're close to being completely done, smiles gently at you and slows his rhythm.

"Welcome back," he says softly, leaning down to pull you up so you're level with him. He repositions the both of you so his legs are circling you, yours coming up to wrap around his lower back as you sit on his cock. He pulls you closer, cradling the back of your head and pressing kisses along the side of your face, "I know you're tired but I'm gonna give you one more, baby, just like I promised."

"I know," you whisper, voice shaky.

He holds you in his wide arms, completely envelops you as he fucks up into you steadily, nose and lips pressed against the side of your face as he brings himself closer and closer to release, continuously whispering a thread of dirty things to you, building you up.

"Such a tight fuckin' pussy, all for me," he murmurs, "So wet and pink and perfect, takin' me so good, so fuckin' full of cock."

"Joel," you whimper, leaning further against him and letting him fuck you mercilessly, letting him push you closer and closer to your fifth orgasm, "Keep talking."

"Okay, baby," he whispers, brow furrowed, "Okay, pretty girl. So fuckin' good to me, so fuckin' pure and perfect, lettin' me fill this little cunt, lettin' me fuck it so deep," you scratch at his arm, tension building in your belly, "Waited so long for me to give it to you, begged for it for months, and now you have it. It's all yours, baby. You get this cock whenever you want now, just say the word."

He reaches down and rubs your clit with his thumb, feeling you tense against him as your orgasm overtakes you. You shake in his embrace, moaning out his name one final time before you start to come, heart pounding and chest heaving as he releases your clit and hugs you close to him. You tremble beneath him, feeling completely spent, almost boneless in his lap as he keeps fucking you.

"Where do you want my come, pretty girl?" he asks you through clenched teeth, "You still want it in your mouth?"

"Yes," you say immediately, eyes widening, "In my mouth, please."

Without another word he pulls you from his lap, watching as you fall backwards on the bed weightlessly.

"Christ, I fucked the shit outta you, baby," he says, genuinely shocked at how blissed out you are.

"You did," you reply softly, feeling a smile cross your face, "Can't move anymore."

He gives you a gentle smile, walks around the bed and aims his cock toward your face, "Here's your reward, baby, open up, nice and wide."

You do as you're told, feeling an immense amount of pride and satisfaction as you finally get what you've been craving for months. He strokes his cock once, only once, and suddenly ropes of thick white come are painting your tongue and lips, your cheeks, your chin. He groans, long and low, watching as you close your eyes and take every drop he gives you, watching it all pool on your tongue, dribble down your chin.

"Fuck," he breathes, and you open your eyes again to see him staring at you, eyes still dark and pupils blown wide, "Swallow it, pretty girl."

You close your mouth and swallow all of it, reveling in the salty taste on your tongue and in the back of your throat. You bring a trembling hand to your mouth, push the leftovers from your cheeks and chin past your lips, swallowing a second time.

"Good girl," he whispers, leaning down to push your hair out of your eyes, "That's my good girl, did so fucking well for me. Did everything I said."

"I'm yours, Joel," you whisper, voice completely wrecked, "I'm your good girl."

--

He cleans you up tenderly, pressing kisses to your skin every now and then as he takes a warm washcloth and wipes you down, pays extra attention to your sensitive spots and lets you lay there in peace. He's so sweet, so gentle, you'd hardly know it was the same Joel who walked out on you back at the ski lodge.

But it is the same Joel. He's just finally let himself have what he wants, finally let himself give you what you want. When he climbs in bed beside you and wraps his arms tightly around you, you've never felt so desired in your entire life. He kisses your face all over, whispers praises, tells you how beautiful you are, makes you feel wanted.

"You asleep?" he asks you softly, hands running up and down your arms soothingly.

"In and out," you murmur back, "You really did a number on me."

He chuckles quietly, kisses your cheek and holds you tighter, "I know. It was okay, right? I didn't go too far?"

"It was perfect," you reply sincerely, leaning back into his touch, "It was everything I ever wanted, better than anything I imagined."

He smiles against your skin, "Good, I'm glad."

You both lay there in the silence of his bedroom for a few more moments, listening to each other's breathing. He kisses the back of your neck, noses your skin and inhales your scent.

"Are you still afraid?" you ask quietly, "You can tell me, I want you to be honest."

He takes a few moments to reply, sighing deeply and bringing one of his hands down to hold tightly to yours. You squeeze his back, quietly reminding him that you're here, that you're not going anywhere.

"I am," he says softly, voice barely a whisper, "But not so much anymore. I think it'll be easier now."

"It will be," you reassure him quietly, tightening your grip on his hand, "I'm here for you, okay? Every step of the way."

He nuzzles into your hair, presses himself against you and sighs contentedly, "Okay."

You close your eyes, focusing on the perfection of this moment, the feeling of his body so close to yours, warming you up and keeping you safe. You can't help but notice how perfectly your bodies fit together, how right it feels to be lying together like this.

"By the way," he whispers suddenly, "You'll be my patrol partner again, right?"

You grin, tilting your head back slightly so his cheek brushes against your temple, relishing in the feeling of his stubble against your skin, so natural, so easy.

"I thought you'd never ask."

i can't believe how long this took me to write but i'm so glad i finally finished it. this isn't the end of soft!dom joel, but i would consider it the end of their story, most likely. i'll probably write some more smutty one-shots for them, but i doubt i'll write anything for them again with this much detail. i feel pretty satisfied with this.

let me know what you think!!! i love hearing yalls feedback, it makes me so happy. i also have a kofi if you'd like to leave me a tip. thank you so much for reading 💖

[zbsinbloom]

ZB1 as types of simmers

🍀 ☘ 🍀 ☘ 🍀 ☘ 🍀 ☘ 🍀 ☘ 🍀

Pairing(s): none

Genre: crack

Word Count: 1.5k

Trigger warnings: in-game violence, death, a Murphy bed-related incident, Gyuvin's is a little unhinged but then aren't we all?

Tagged: @taerrrrrae @i05wook

🍀 ☘ 🍀 ☘ 🍀 ☘ 🍀 ☘ 🍀 ☘ 🍀

🤯 Jiwoong

too many saves

He tries to commit to just one household

Spends hours perfecting their personalities and outfits and tells himself he's going to play with then until the end :D

He's got some cute ideas for when his sims are elders and have grandkids

Tries to level up their skills and careers and gives them the perfect house he got from the gallery

And then he's on week 4, his sims got married, they've had a baby and he's… bored?

So he creates a new save for a new family who are totally different and he tells himself this is the save to end all saves

Before he knows it, he's 40 save files down and he hasn't a clue what was going on in a single one of them

But he'll definitely go back and play them all, he swears!

📖 Zhang Hao

the storyteller

Hoho you thought this would be Matthew? No, this man LIVES for the drama I'm telling you

He creates an elaborate storyline for each and every sim he creates

Sometimes he surprises even himself with the plots he creates sometimes

His sims were happily married and living life and then one day he was like "guess what? This one is gonna have an affair with a married sim"

Love affair child incoming?? When he realises he's like "Wait this is perfect this is like a drama"

The type to do challenges like rich to poor or poor to rich because there's so much character development possibilities there

Is he going to make his sims suffer? Yes. Could their lives be a kdrama spanning 12 seasons? Also yes

At this point he could be a streamer, and he'd be pretty successful too because his streams would take the wildest turns

🔨 Hanbin

building whiz

He probably has all the packs (or most of them, minus maybe a couple kits he doesn't care for) and maybe some cc but not much

Probably has a YouTube and/or insta account where he posts screenshots and videos of his builds and they're always out of this world

How does he come up with all of these designs like.. who thought of using platforms like that??

Watches a lot of build hacks by other simmers and always makes sure to mention them if he uses their ideas

Bless Hanbin and his never-ending patience. No offence but nobody else wants to sit there for 3 hours placing debug pebbles to make them look pretty

The premade houses make him shake his head because the exterior deserves so much better!! So he renovates the inside to make it prettier

Will collaborate with Gunwook where Hanbin builds the shell and landscapes and Gunwook does the decorating

There's no type of build he won't try, he wants to always try new styles and techniques, and sometimes goes back to improve his own builds?? Even though they're already stunning

🕵️‍♂️ Matthew

lore obsessive

Doesn't care about his own sims, he's just trying to solve mysteries out here

His sims only read all the books that reference sims lore of past and present wishes he could read it too and goes feral if there's a popup with a piece of lore

What really happened to Bella Goth? Did she die? Was she kidnapped by aliens? Did she run off with a secret lover? Is she trapped in an alternate dimension?? Is.. is he Bella Goth?

How exactly did the mother plant come alive? He just has to know.. surely it was created by someone and he's gonna plant bugs on everyone to try and get the inside info me-core

What about Lady Mimsy and Bernard? Was the fire an accident or on purpose? He has at least 73 theories on what happened that night

The type to annoy all his friends by debating sims lore as if it's a real-life unsolved mystery

You better believe he also eats up the werewolf lore, he will collect books and treasures just so he can find out what's up with Greg

How does he even sleep at night? (Spoiler: he doesn't)

🙋‍♂️ Taerae

the self-insert

Makes himself in nearly every save (sometimes he makes himself buff or have a bigger butt or something but it’s always Tae)

Sometimes he makes his skills match his, and other times he’s like “might make myself a rocket scientist 🤷”

If he has a crush, then he’ll make them as well, taking his time to make their sim perfect

Literally cries if the game says they have anything less than ‘amazing’ compatibility because.. They’re literally made for each other, how could this happen to him??

Makes them ultimate relationship goals because he’s living vicariously through this sims game right now

Will quit and reload his game if something goes wrong, like if they reject his hug or they flirt with someone else. Yes, he’s just that petty

And if things don’t go well with his crush irl then uhhhh breakup?? Or maybe he’d delete the sim and make himself a new crush lmao me-core p.2

Makes his sim adopt about 5 puppies and it will make his day more than any relationship could ever (will talk to them as if they’re real, too)

🃏Ricky

the wildcard

He's not trying to make his sims' lives a living hell, he really isn't

They have the perfect lives and things are going great, nothing could go wrong.. right?

Next thing he knows, his sim is proposing and they get hit by a meteor or something - time to reload!

His sim goes out on a bachelor party, dancing away and having drinks, all the usual jazz

When his sim hears a joke and dies laughing :D ... what

Or they randomly get bitten by a vampire and burn to a crisp because there's suddenly a heatwave in winter????

Buys a Murphy bed to save some space. His sim is about to go to bed after an exciting day and WHAM! It crushes him to death. On the first night

Honestly the best thing for him right now is to switch his pc off and lay down in bed

🗡 Gyuvin

the CallMeKevin (iykyk)

He's all up in EVERYONE'S business. Everyone.

Probably blackmails all the other sims for fun (or simoleons) let's face it, it's both though

Is enemies with most of the townies because he just decided to smack a bitch for no reason

He finds a sim with ugly fashion sense? He sets their house on fire. Get better sense next time smh

Someone flirts with his lover/spouse/crush? Cue a cute ladderless swimming party 🥳

Flirts with married sims and breaks up their relationships because he was bored 💅

Oh? A sim didn't like his joke about llamas? He's gonna build them a lovely little maze for them to run around until they meet grim <3

If he likes them a little, though, he might put them to work in the basement crafting for money. Might.

🛍 Gunwook

CC collector

I’m honestly surprised at how his pc hasn’t set itself on fire by now with all of the cc he’s downloaded

Has to constantly delete his pictures and sometimes other games to make space for his cc obsession

He’s got everything, from hair and eye colour swatches to cushions for his sims’ sofas

If he’s decorating a house or making a sim and it’s not perfect then he’s hunting down the perfect cc to add to his collection

But let’s face it… his games are always perfect. He has the kind of houses and sims that make players like me cry because we could never

Somehow he remembers the names of every piece of cc he uses??? Like someone asks him where he got something from and he’s like “oh yeah it’s (set name) by (creator), I’ll send you the link right now”

The thing that breaks his heart the most is when there’s an update and it breaks his cc because now he has to get rid of it, but most of the time he can just redownload so that mends his little heart

Wants to learn how to make his own cc so he can make new swatches because that shade of yellow is slightly too bright for his sims’ house

👑 Yujin

Mod fanatic

He used to play the game just as it was, but then he was watching others play and saw them using fun mods

First downloaded a simple mod, like one that adds a few new hobbies for his sims

This honestly changes his life, his games will never be the same ever again

And that's how his mod collection begins, with just one small mod, and then whenever he's feeling spicy, he adds another

He gets bored with stuff like the jobs quite quick because he's tried it all, so he finds mods to give his sims more careers

And then when he's tried all of them, he'll add more (sometimes he's not that keen on a mod and deletes it, but not very often)

His favourite by far, though, is the royalty mod because he can make himself king (as he should) and rule over his peasants

Hanbin catches Yujin making him as a peasant whenever he's upset with him, like he refused to buy him ice cream or something… yeah he just closes the door and leaves him be

[greenerteacups]

I power read Lionheart months ago and it's been living in my brain ever since. In random moments, I see/think about your characters in the world around me. Like: a couple in the park holding hands? I start musing on your Draco's PDA thoughts. I remember the handholding moment as the Third Task started. I see a threadbare book in the thrift store? I wonder how fired up Hermione would be if someone asked her if wizards had an obligation to fix Muggle goods. If Reparo can fix a roof (and costs a witch nothing), should impoverished Muggles have to fight with their insurance company after a storm? On and on. I love it.

Thanks for opening up your asks for questions! Seriously, that's a badass move. There have been a few stressful moments in my life where--bing!--I check Tumblr and read one of your answers and I'm immersed in your HP world again, carefree and curious. <3

I have about a billion things I could ask/am curious about, but I'll restrain myself to two. This time. ;-)

Draco's mentioned once or twice that Harry & Ron don't understand him and Hermione. I was interested in that moment right before Draco follows Hermione to the Owlery. Harry stopped Ron from saying anything, and Draco recognizes that he's probably just as ignorant about Harry and Ron's friendship. So: 1) Is it too spoilery to ask what Harry (dear, sweet boy that he is) has noticed about Hermione & Draco? Does he think of them as one nerdbrain, or is he like Draco? Hermione? Weren't they married like, ages ago? I'm so fascinated by what others see when they look at Draco and Hermione because good GOD, what a power couple. And 2) Could you speak to Harry and Ron's relationship? Is Harry like, "Ron, you've gotta kill that Hermione pipedream," or is that topic irrelevant in the face of Quidditch gossip and less relationship-driven moments? Their (Harry and Ron) connection just seems so...necessary. It's beautiful.

I hope you're doing well! Thanks again for sharing such an immersive, gripping story with us.

Aw, this is so touching, thank you! I'll try to answer your questions as best I can without spoilers or breaching any rules on author-answer-ethics. Standard disclaimers: anything not in the text doesn't count, if I want you to believe something I have to give you a reason to believe it in the body of the fiction itself, and you're free to disagree with anything I say here. For the purposes of these types of questions, I'm basically just a fan who knows what the author had for breakfast this morning.

Harry knows that Hermione and Draco are... something. I think this comes through most in the arc of Book 4 where Ron separates from the group, and it becomes a tricycle of Draco, Hermione, and Harry. Harry is miserable, and it's not just because Ron leaves (although that's a large part of it); he's now in the position that Hermione occupies for most of the original series, where he understands very clearly that his other two friends, while both loving him very much, are First in each other's minds. He has a number of remarks that start to show his irritation with this, though he tries his best to be understanding — it is a similar dynamic to him and Ron, after all. (Fun story: I didn't realize until late in my drafting how much Hermione and Draco's dynamic echoes Harry and Ron in canon, from meeting on the train, the paying-for-candy moment, the Sorting, the class partnership, etc.)

All this to say that Harry looks at Hermione and Draco and sees a wall, in the same way that Draco looks at Harry and Ron and sees a wall. He doesn't understand it, but he knows that's deep water, and he knows he's usually better off not touching it. (Some of this comes through in Ron's conversation with Draco by the pumpkin patch; there's a blink-and-you-miss-it reference to "whatever the hell you and Hermione have got going on," along with a quick gloss on their weird pseudo-spiritual mind-meld connection, which was meant to give a glimpse into how the rest of Gryffindor sees them: eerily well-suited people with separately terrifying abilities who, when together, sail merrily off into their own universe of intelligence/plots-and-schemery and become a black hole of You Don't Want To Fucking Know. I sometimes amuse myself by thinking of Dean and Seamus giving the first years PSAs on Do Not Approach the Wild Swots In Action.) And he, like most of Gryffindor Tower, would have to be blind not to see how much they favor each other. They're always together. There's really nothing that they can do to hide it.

Which is probably why he pulls Ron back in the Owlery moment. He understands that what Hermione is dealing with is something that Draco, perhaps only Draco, can fix. She needs to hear a very specific kind of reassurance, and she needs to hear it from him. In the same way, when Hermione tried to calm Harry down before the plan to rescue Sirius in the third book, she failed miserably; they love each other intensely (they're siblings! the muggle-born twins!) but they're extremely different, and of all the Quartet dynamics, they're the ones who seem most at peace with that. Harry and Hermione's friendship works because they get what the other needs and they get that sometimes it's not them. (Harry more than Hermione, because she's still working on the concept of "sometimes people do not want my help" in general, but still.) There's a reason basically no one ever speculates about them being involved outside of a joke, because no one who knows them would think they could work romantically. They love each other, but they weird each other out, and they're content with that.

In contrast, Ron and Harry's friendship is more of the soul-bonded, life-partners, "he is more myself than I am" kind of friendship. Catherine and Heathcliff dig-up-the-corpse-to-lie-down-with-it type of shit. When Ron gets a death scare in the finale of Book 3, Harry goes fucking ballistic. Likewise with Harry's portkey fakeout in the end of Book 4 — Ron loses his shit. They are deeply, irrevocably attached to each other in an almost codependent way, which is the product of Harry's "first friend ever, like literally fucking ever, not nobody else, not one" situation meeting Ron's "first person who ever loved me as Ron and not so-and-so's brother" situation. So just as you put it, really: necessary and beautiful (and messy).

[katebishopsleftshoe]

clint barton x younger!avenger

𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃

a/n: my first headcanon-post on here aahhh I'm so excited! I hope you guys enjoyy

word count: 1.2k

warnings: age gap (reader is 24, clint is in his 40s), reader is fem!

𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃

• clint barton is not the type to go for younger girls

• usually he leaves that to tony stark, who is basically leonardo di caprio reincarnated

• "noo don't turn 25 you're so sexy aha" - literally tony

• but then this young woman joins the avengers, probably just turned 24, amazing fighting skills

• everyone in the compound is all infatuated with her, watching her every move with heart eyes

• clint barton can't help but admire her too, but he knows that such a young gorgeous girl like her would never want an old guy like him

• miss new girl has already wrapped steve rogers around her little finger and clint knows he stands no chance

• until things take a twist

• you have an upcoming mission which clint is supposed to train you for

• you're both very nervous to start training together, mostly because you've both been eyeing each other for a while (not knowing that it's mutual)

• greetings at first training are kept very short, just because you're both very nervous

"clint", you nod, greeting your new training partner. he was just walking into the gym, water bottle in his hand. his training clothes consisted of grey sweatpants and a black long-sleeve compression shirt. jesus christ. you had to stop yourself from drooling.

"y/n", he greets back with a tight-lipped smile.

• clint obviously showed up to training like this on purpose, wanting to see if you'd have a particular reaction

• spoiler alert: um yeah you did

• basically it only increased the little crush you were harboring on him

• when clint saw you stare at his muscles for a little too long, he had to bite back a smile

• eventually, when the two of you would become more comfortable with each other and he would wear similar things, he would ask you stuff like: "like what you see?"

• you just roll your eyes, overplaying the fact that obviously you do 🙄

𐙚˙⋆.˚

• after a while of training, you and clint become a well-coordinated team!

• you notice that you guys actually have the same type of humor, so training sessions are always filled with lots of laughter

• before training, clint braids your hair so it doesn't get in the way (i'm screaming)

• he knows a few braids because of his daughter and he's glad he remembered them so now he can do them on your hair

• he's soo afraid to hurt you during training and always goes easy on you

• freaks out when you fall

• "baby are you okay?" and he says it so worriedd

• the "baby" just slips out 🤭

• both of you get so flustered

• clint is like "why tf did I just say that" to himself

• you only murmur that you're fine, allowing him to help you up, but he accidentally pulls you up against his chest

• he literally freaks out even more when you touch his torso with your hands

• you quickly distance yourselves from each other, awkwardly avoiding each other's gaze

𐙚˙⋆.˚

• moments like these only get more frequent between you two

• for example when you have to sit on clint's lap on the way home from a mission because there isn't enough space in the car or when you bump into him the hallways of the compound, him being shirtless because he just took a shower

• you both know you like each other as more than just friends / teammates but you don't know what to do about it

• so you just quietly pine for each other and flirt during training

• but of course it's always just "friendly" and "casual"

𐙚˙⋆.˚

• clint and you obviously have banter, his sarcasm and playfulness is at its peak when he's with you

• the two of you like having little verbal play fights

• clint during training with you: "that's the best you can do?"

• and he says this while smirking and wiggling his eyebrows which makes you want to jump him 🙄

• but you counter: "your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out your mouth"

• this makes clint laugh loudly and he wraps an arm around your shoulder for a moment saying "good one" while grinning

• in general he lovessss that you always have comebacks for his sarcastic remarks

• sometimes, when he wants to tease you even more, he picks you up, slinging you over his shoulder 🤭

• "clint, put me down!!!"

• "sorry princess, no can do! not until you agree to stop whining about me paying for your lunch"

• "clint-"

• "no y/n, I don't want to hear it. I really don't mind paying from time to time. anything for you"

𐙚˙⋆.˚

• a few days later, you, clint and the other avengers went out to party to celebrate another mission gone well

• you're eager to dance and you wanna dance with clint

• he refuses first, which annoys you

• "come on you grandpa"

• "y/n I have many skills but dancing isn't one of them", he laughs

• "come onn, try at least!!", you encourage him, smirking

• he sighs, reluctantly letting you drag him on the dance floor

• you both start dancing while the other avengers go to the bar to order drinks

• they come back to their seats only to see you and clint making out on the dance floor 🤭

𐙚˙⋆.˚

• that evening basically kick-started your relationship

• literally, clint can't believe he pulled you

• he feels so lucky to be your bf

• but he's also so scared you will dump him for any other younger guy you meet

• he definitely thinks he's not good enough for you :(

• so you gotta reassure him sometimes

• you guys are the goofy couplee

• you make dad jokes to each other all.the.time and your friends are soooo annoyed by y'all

• you even make jokes during missions like when there's a weird ass looking alien you have to fight you tell clint:

• "omg clint look he's literally you"

• clint: 💀

• honestly he loves you but sometimes he's also so done with you because why are you showing him the 5th meme in a row??? XD

• clint does take on the more dominant role in your relationship bc he's always watching out for you, does a lot of things for you (he once built you a shelve from Ikea you really wanted for your books)

• he likes to take the lead so when you're with him and for example exploring a new city / traveling, you can just relax and because you know clint already took care of everything that needed taking care of!!

• maybe he also has a slight arrogance and thinks he knows things better just because he's older and more experienced 🙈

• that's probably his only red flag though, other than that he's naturally a golden retriever bf

• when you're sad he always knows how to lighten the mood and make you feel better instantly

• his kids also love you and after laura left clint you're definitely not the stepmom but the mom THAT STEPPED UP!!

• you and his kids are clint's #1 priority and he intends to spend the rest of his life with u :))

i hope you guys enjoyed!!

[multifandomenjoyerr]

Heya! do you have agere headcanons for teru minamoto? i hc him as a flip :D

🐈 Teru minanoto Flip! Headcanons

🚀 ; I'd like to think he's also a flip! But since I think he'd be a little bit on the little side, there may be a few Headcanons of him as a Regressor than a caregiver (only by 2-3)

👾 ; HC count , Little (12) , CG (9)

⚠️ ; slight angst (feeling the need to be mature and/or perfect for the sake of family and peers), Regressing due to stress and anxiety, exorcising (mentioning a few times) + some stuff may not be canon as I'm not too far into the manga myself. Such as his relationship with hanako-kun. (Which i headcanon them as friends just because)

🐈 ; he regresses quite often than not. Mainly due to his family pressuring him about his exorcist 'job' he does. Growing up quickly to pursue his families plan to be the top, and best exorcists known to man.

🐈 ; as the oldest he always was more the father figure of Kou, than a big brother to him. He doesn't mind really. But he still wishes he remembered more of his childhood outside of being the babysitter for his absent parents

🐈 ; his little age is 1-4. Sometimes he could be 6-8 if he's not too deep into his regression state.

🐈 ; when he's little he loves anything paranormal. And is absolutely obsessed with ghost busters. He will dress up into anything that would be themed "ghost hunter" worthy and go capture ghosts with his broom.

🐈 ; despite his differences with hanako when it comes to the big kid stuff, he quite enjoys his company when regressed. Heck, hanako will even play along if he felt like it

🐈 ; has no interest in having a caregiver. However a babysitter is probably something he'd budge on. It's not that he wouldn't want a CG, but he always says; "I just need to figure out my own problems first"

🐈 ; Kou is his babysitter/sibby/playmate! They trust eachother to death. So of course they both trust eachother with their Regression. (I headcanon kou as an age regressor—)

🐈 ; love the attention. He craves it, he wants it. Call him Prince and he'll be the happiest baby there is. Just praise him for literally anything, he'd end up being one clingy kiddo

🐈 ; has a cat onsie because he loves cats too much. He also probably watches bluey and Garfield outside of watching anything with ghosts in them

🐈 ; he is good at masking when he's regressed. After an incident in school when he overhears his popular friend's opinion on "childish" things he felt too embarrassed to openly regress. Being the class president and all. But call this man "bud" or "kid" OR even "prince" he'll softens up and feels less guilty about it

🐈 ; his favorite song to listen to when regressed is "Sweet dreams (sky like dreams)" by Ferdinand fka Left Boy And "Mama's boy" by Dominic Fike. Because he relates to them in some ways. Especially after he became the school president and school popular

🐈 ; owns too much agere gear for one person. But then again, there's no such thing as "too many"!

🐈 ; when he isn't an age regressor he's a 24/7 caregiver. And an amazing one at that. Despite him being power hungry to succeed at his job, he would do anything for his little one.

🐈 ; sometimes full of himself, but he's not doing it on purpose. He wants to be the best caregiver for you, and since he grew up to be, well, perfect. he wants to be a perfect caregiver as well

🐈 ; "mm.." "oh yeah? Go on.." "mhm?" Whenever you rant/ramble/talk about your interest to him

🐈 ; doesn't seem to realize he's a spoiler. (Daily shopping, getting you too many toys, getting you everything you ask for, etc). Though he doesn't seem to mind if asked

🐈 ; he's not a good comforter.. but that doesn't mean he doesn't try. He always listens to what you have to say, and tries to understand your feelings. If that doesn't work he usually turns on your favorite show/movie/etc in attempt to help you feel better

🐈 ; outside of being a total spoiler, he can also be a babier. He doesn't try to do it as much if you don't like the idea of his babying— but when he does he will do it in a more protective-over-your-physical-being way. (Ex; ,"hey! Watch their head!" Saying this while hanako and Nene toss books at one another for.. some reason

🐈 ; absolutely refuses to exorcist anything or anyone when his little is regressing. For obvious reasons, he doesn't want to get all serious when he's on the job and babysitting his little

🐈 ; doesn't understand gifts. Give him stuff like buttons, rocks, pile of dirt, a stick, anything random, he wouldn't get it. He'll accept them, but most of the time he doesn't understand it. Once when you gave him a stick (maybe for a game you were playin, or something) and he ended up just throwing it for you to catch it. He doesn't understand but.. he has spirit I guess

🐈 ; calls you things like "sunshine" and "honey" if you don't mind petnames +of course any petnames you wanna be called as well

[starlightshadowsworld]

My thoughts on Bsd Chapter 113

Spoilers.

Obviously.

Okay guys we get it Sigma is alive, everyone chill.

I didn't think Sigma was dead, but good to have confirmation regardless.

The true duality of Double Black is that they can take down the most vindictive and smart villians.

And also share one braincell between them.

You'd think the first one or two times Chuuya dropped Sigma he'd think maybe this isn't gonna work.

And of course he dropped him 15 times.

I kinda wish it was 16 purely because Chuuya is wearing the same outfit he had on during the Dragons head incident (which was 6 years ago, when he was 16.)

But this is still funny.

... Hold on I just realised Dazai doesn't know Sigma has an ability.

Otherwise he'd probably know what happened to him, given how similar it works to Ango's.

Chuuya stop saying Fyodor is dead, you've said it twice now and the more you do the less I believe you.

Ohhh hell yeah I love the effect of all the memories looking like pages.

Starting from the bottom of the pile seems like a good idea but man how long is Sigma gonna be out for?

Oh back to this shit... Listen I don't care for Fukuchi but I do love Fukuzawa.

The fact Fukuchi admits there were other ways but this was his decision.... He could've spared Fukuzawa all this pain but chose not too.

Man fuck this guy.

Also the condition that 500 lives could achieve world peace, hated that.

The coin bombs didn't threaten lives he says like it didn't almost kill Tachihara.

Of course it was Fyodor's plan, only he'd come up with such nonsense.

At least we know why Fyodor was in Mersault now.

Back to Sigma.... Why is there a castle?

... Please tell me that's not Fyodor...

IS THAT BRAM?!

... What the fuck am I witnessing?

And not just Bram, Count Bram who's body isn't impaled by the sword.

And it is Fyodor, how old are you?! Love the robe but what?!

Oh and right back to this... I said it before and I'll say it again fuck Fukuchi man.

Having Fukuzawa choose between his life or the Agencies, become the thing he never wanted to be or save his family.

I do wonder if that choice is basically the mystery to get out the book, because this is shill Poe's book.

Or if that was just finding out the mystery of the past, who knows.

God and Fukuchi not needing to give any last words because he has no regrets. Because his best friend is going to kill him and it's everything he wants

Fukuchi wins and it costs Fukuzawa everything.

I do love that Fyodor retains his love for getting captured on purpose.

And flirting with Count Bram apparently, I can already see the fics.

Man when even the Vampire King calls you evil incarnate.

Is Fyodor trying to be a seer? What is this premonition? Or is he just fucking around.

Oh shit yeah reminder that Bram is from Ireland, so that's why the Romans be such an issue rn.

... Jeez how far in the past is this?

Also, is it just me or does Fyodor have a scar on his face he doesn't have in the present?

Yeah Bram I don't think that's gonna kill him.

Oh and Fukuzawa aiming him cut down Fukuchi in the same place he sliced Akutugawa.

AWW AND HE CAN'T DO IT.

My heart, I'm so glad Fukuchi didn't get mad at him for it or I would've flipped the table.

You're really asking a lot.. Like way to much.

Which is when Teruko shows up.

Awh Teruko... And putting the sword in Fukuzawa's hands so he takes the fall as she cries.

I can't...

Fuck man...look at him. His face, his eyes Fukuzawa is never going to emotionally recover from this and neither will I.

Aya hunny I appreciate the enthusiasm but you might wanna read the room.

[tackytigerfic]

Hit Me Baby One More Time

I was tagged by @maesterchill @sweet-s0rr0w and @wolfpants (see their posts here, here, and here respectively and by fuck every single one of theirs is so bloody good which just goes to show how imperfect a measure the hit count stat is!).

I have a bit of a bee in my bonnet about stats in general (i never check mine, and before doing this had never checked how my fics "rank" - I was very sure that stats are not necessarily an indication of quality, and this little project has cemented that for me). But at the same time it is a really lovely thing to have people read my words and the receptive nature of fandom (read and be read) is part of what makes it special, so I am not trying to disparage the joy that comes with people reading my work. Anyway for the purposes of this i've gone with the fics that have the lowest hit count. also i didn't include fics under a certain wordcount - when writing drabbles my focus and intent are different (i'm not necessarily trying to tell a story with a drabble, whereas with my fics I do tend to try to have a narrative arc). So with all of these qualifiers, here's the list and my thoughts on it (spoiler: i actually think all of these are alright and i have fics with far more hits that are far worse, so it justifies my thinking that judging fics by hit count is a load of bollocks)

Oíche Shamhna (Drarry, 1.2k, blood magic, draco is in a crown of leaves) - I actually really like this one. I think it's fun and a bit weird and i like all the stuff about the ceremonial rite and i also think it's quite poignant to have these two sad boys thinking about their dads.

The Last Star Falling (Drarry with a hint of future Dronarry, 1.4k, Irish wedding abroad, drunken shenanigans) - this reminds me of some of my best fandom friends and has a priest dancing a jig, and hot Ron energy, and harry comparing draco to dessert. plus it has amazing art by @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm. i'm really happy with this one for all of those nice reasons.

Snow On Snow (Drarry, 1.1k, undercover boyfriends turned real boyfriends on the run) - hmm actually really happy with this one too, i think i achieved what i set out to do with it. i wanted it to feel romantic but lonely like they're the only two people left in the world. christmas but make it a bit grim.

In the Hallway (Drarry, 1.9k, bad dreams, post-war trauma) - this is one of my own personal favourites, i love how harry doesn't ever know if things are real or dreams, and i'm really happy with the tone of the non-explicit blowjob scene.

The Edge of Something (Drarry, 1.4k, ghost sex, kidnapping, auror partners) - i was trying so hard to work the ghost sex scene into a fic for about two years - i really wanted draco to tell harry that his dirty talk needed work. so i was happy to finally get this in. I do like this fic a lot but i think some of it could be sharper and tighter and more clear. there's a transition at the start of one scene that probably needed a bit more thought but then i did write this in a fever of productivity one evening which is unusually quick for me.

I haven't been outside of my notifs on tumblr recently so am not sure who has already done this. will tag @moonflower-rose @oknowkiss @onbeinganangel @opalesqueopioid @shealwaysreads @skeptiquewrites @teledild0nix and anyone else who fancies a go, no pressure though!

[bbsprint]

DEV01: New Music Track System

i'm not very good at audio. i can't make music and my sound design is mid-ish at best (maybe). this also applies to the low level portions of working with audio: me and waveforms don't get along so well

so could you imagine the face i had when the moment came where i wanted to add proper introlooping to the tracks in the game?

i'm using unity's audio system, which means the most i can do is limited by its boundaries. i could have used fmod as it is amazing from all the things i've read and heard. fmod studio looks awesome. but there are chances that i would need to rework how absolutely everything worked in the audio side and i didn't want to spend too much time doing that (remember: my current next milestone is nano plus! it's meant to be quicker!). as a matter of fact, i probably wouldn't later in development because i am content with a solution i came up while digging how some people looped their tracks seamlessly.

there's this Unity addon called IntroLoop. i originally was going to use it for the game, but the way it stored metadata and how it worked with its player could pose a problem and, again, i did not want to rewrite too much to implement this particular bit, as well as some opinionated ways-of-working a friend had warned me about from using it. not that it's bad, it just probably would've been kind of a pain

IntroLoop uses somewhat low-level components of the Unity audio engine to make sure the audio loops properly, such as directly reading from dsptime and scheduling sound plays. it works very well from prior experience. however they do say webgl has issues with it because of course, webgl is very unstable of a platform for unity and precision anything after all. (partially a joke. but there's so many unsupported things in webgl that it's crazy)

my approach uses something different based on how i've seen other people handle seamless loops. one person in unity answers had come up with the solution of using two tracks with a little bit of overlap between them so when changing the audioclip and the position of the sound the loop would sound seamless.

i thought that using two tracks was kind of wasteful, so i went and added 3-4 seconds of the loop's start to the tracks of the game that had an introless loop. below is an approximate of where the loop ends and the trailing bit for the next loop to start

i then take the desired loop end's samples (original end length), store them in notepad, paste the loop's tail, and put it in a new track metadata class that incorporates all metadata i want for the track in one place, like name, album cover, description, attributable link, and now loop start and end samples

no spoilers! this is a new track. the metadata still needs some polish.

with this approach, when the playhead's sample position exceeds the sample end, i just subtract its position by the length of the looping section and with the little bit of leeway given by the extra seconds any delay will be compensated for with the builtin overlap, and sounds very good (as in, PERFECT) for my purposes.

you probably noticed i'm saying samples instead of seconds of time. i wanted the loop to have zero cracks or pops when using this overlap mechanism, and i am afraid of floating points for many reasons. it just so happens the song time variable from the AudioSource in Unity has its timer in seconds, stored as a floating point value. these fears got me scared enough to instead choose what i consider a more reliable way of counting time in audio: samples.

all songs in bbsprint, ingame at least, are locked at a 44.1k Hz sample rate. if any song happens to be higher Hz than that, i will override it. it saves space and for the game it doesn't have to be that high quality; leave that for the OST release, but more importantly it allows this system to work with all tracks

it is also worth mentioning that this method probably disallows an OUTROloop (as in, letting the audio play, no loop, and having it end gracefully!) depending on how some tracks are structured, maybe you'd have to make the looping tail a section way too long so it's still structurally sound to achieve the effect.

i also have not tried testing whether the audio actually works well with this compensation in webgl, which is the most finnicky of all the build targets i have available.

however, this works for me and i am glad it does as well as it does, at least in desktop being profiled thru the unity editor, which... yeah, let's say that it adds quite the overhead compared to a standalone build (which gives me strong hope).

[candikin]

How my main OC would interact with canon characters!

Henry Stickmin

You are probably expecting to say enemies, but that's not really that accurate. Henry has a "crush" on Lexi, well he convinces himself he does but he doesn't. They used to be friends when Henry became leader in the first timeline, but had a slow painful falling out due to the other routes. Lexi now is driven mad by him and Henry still thinks they're friends

Charles Calvin

Childhood best friends, been friends since kindergarten. But Lexi has "mysteriously" disappeared, so Charles hasn't seen Lexi in quite a while... expect at the end of 2019 and then the start of LetterTale. Their relationship is very strange, Charles and Lexi both don't want to hurt eachother but also still want to do their jobs, which involves killing eachother. This just ends up with them constantly finding eachother then doing nothing until they lose the other

Ellie Rose

Ooohh, this is a big spoiler so I won't say much, but Lexi absolutely despises Ellie and Ellie has no idea Lexi has this much hatred towards her. Lexi keeps all this hate to herself and would never dare talk about it expect if you were a close friend of hers

Reginald Copperbottom

Well they are currently dating, and have a very sweet relationship with eachother. They never keep secrets from eachother and are almost always seen by eachother. Some even claim to have spot Lexi wearing a ring, but she will deny this.

Before they were dating, they were very secretive with their feelings but kept trying to make the first move... too bad they both overthink. They were still pretty close back when they were friends though, the only difference is that Reg always kept himself busy as he was trying to move on with his feelings for Lexi.

Right Hand Man

Lexi and Right have a weird friendship. They don't really talk to eachother in public, but behind the scenes they talk all the time. Many people make theories that Lexi and Right are jealous of eachother, but they are completely inaccurate. The only concerning part is Lexi knows Right Hand Man's real name and past, but it only was because Terrence told her. RHM would never want that to be known, and Lexi never told him that she knew. If Right knew... he wouldn't take it very well

Sven Svensson

They are almost exactly like siblings. Lexi was Sven's first friend in the clan, and was the reason Sven even lived. Lexi and Sven can constantly fight, either with words or physical, but they do genuinely care for eachother. They do keep their secrets from eachother, but they both think the other is completely honest and isn't hiding anything

Burt Curtis

They have a very chill friendship. They just became friends "recently". They don't talk very much in person but seems like when they are online, they have very long conversions. Burt doesn't know about Lexi's personal life and neither does Lexi, but they want to keep it that way

Dmitri Johannes Petrov

The reason why I'm including him is because Lexi used to work at the wall. Lexi worked there when she was a teenager under her father's guidance as her dad thought she would be working there when she became an adult. Dmitri never really liked teenagers, and Lexi was no exception. Lexi constantly broke the rules purposely and even tried to make the innocent prisoners escape (though she always failed). Dmitri hated talking to Lexi, but never fired her... nobody knows why

Rupert Price

Not enemies, but not friends. Rupert and Lexi used to date before she "mysteriously" disappeared. Rupert doesn't count it as a break up, but has moved on slightly... seeing Lexi again ruined that. But they work on different sides, and Lexi is dating Reginald. They both don't know how to interact, it's just awkward everytime they spot eachother

Dave Panpa

The strangest friendship to ever form. Lexi actually did try to steal the Tunisian Diamond with some other Toppats, but she was the only one who didn't want Dave to be taken with them. But majority rules, so Lexi just ended up feeling bad for the guy. She is the only reason why Dave isn't starving to death, and Lexi constantly has Dave's back. They talk privately, as Lexi would get in big trouble if she was caught talking to Dave. She never helped Dave escape though, as she's afraid he might betray her

______________________________________________________________

Well, that's all the major characters so I'm done for now. Might make a part 2 but idk

[livingfictionsystem]

[BOOK REVIEW: Well, less of a review, more of a rant. SPOILERS.]

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This book has gotten recommended to me by my algorithm so many times that I finally gave in. It's standing nice and proud in every fantasy section I've ever wandered through, but how was it really? Well, let me tell you.

The premise is that two sisters are trapped with their tyrant of a father, with Scarlett's main plan of escape to be marrying a mysterious count that she's only communicated with via letters. Donatella, the younger sister, believes that the Caraval, a magical game headed by a hidden eccentric, could be their ticket to freedom. Donatella essentially runs off and gets herself kidnapped, only to end up as this year's Caraval prize, and Scarlett and her new sailor rugged sailor friend have to team up to rescue her.

If it sounds tropey, it's because it is. You see, Donatella is the more reckless, impulsive sister and Scarlett is The Cautious One. That gets explained to you about every few pages, as being from Scarlett's reluctant and flustered point of view doesn't drill it in enough. She's a typical bland Charles Dickens-type protagonist where her only real purpose is to be shown and told stuff and saying, "What? Wow! I don't know about this, guys. But I would like things to turn out good." Being trapped in her POV is a boring, sadistic slog. I really did almost stop reading in the middle.

Her crush on Julian isn't a twist---from the very first moment that she begrudgingly admits he's handsome in about the first 20 or so pages, the audience is like, "Welp, I know where this is going." And there it goes. It's about 400 pages of, "I don't like him. But I think I do like him. But I can't trust him. Maybe I can. TWIST, I can't. Oh, wait, he explained, maybe I can---Oh, he's such a rugged, charming scoundrel, I don't know what to do!"

Okay, fine, Scarlett's been isolated probably to the point of sheer delirium. Julian's probably about the only guy she's had around her in a while that isn't her father. So, I can almost forgive her for falling for him just through the sheer fact of being stuck together by circumstance. Julian's reason for loving her is that he was so awe-struck and enamoured when she... wait for it---didn't just up and abandon her sister! Give Scarlett a medal, I guess?

Maybe Garber just didn't want us to watch Scarlett failing upwards alone and threw in the romance just to up the stakes. Which it didn't really do.

The rules of this fantasy game are essentially, 'The magic works however this happy ending needs it to work.' It actually showcases what other genres criticise about the Fantasy genre. Every time Scarlett looks close to losing something or having something devastating happen to her, she has what essentially amounts to an in-costume NPC going, "Oh, not all hope is lost. Saaaay, what's that behind your ear? Could it be the solution to all of your problems? :)" This is all while the plot still tries to maintain a mysterious and ominous air about it. Thus, the death scenes being played up for tragedy's sake were exasperating.

There were also so many twists in such rapid succession that the reader barely knew which way was up.

I gave it a 2/5 instead of a 1. When I finally passed the middle of the book, it did get easier to read as the pacing finally got better. I suppose I only really reserve 1s for books that personally offend me, and this just bored me. There were also intriguing details, like the Legend lore, the dress changing with Scarlett's mood, the rules of the 'game.' But, y'know, put an eccentric in a top hat and give him a potentially tragic backstory, and you get brownie points from me. I'm vaguely curious about Legend himself, but not enough to read the rest of the series. Probably enough to Wikipedia it after this.

If you want a sort of whimsical atmosphere like this, I'd more recommend 'Night Circus.'

-Xanthe 🪶

[elle-greenaways-last-braincell]

The Rose And Her Thorn

Masterlist

Next part!

Word Count: 1050

Part 5.

Esmeria wasn't meant to be at the Weathervane Cafe. But she was bored, so anything Principal Weems said had zero effect on her brain. She sat in a little booth with her hot chocolate, one away from the door, in her attempt to people-watch.

It was getting boring, but then she saw something in the corner of her eye. Wednesday Addams sliding down the water pipe outside Dr Kinbott's office. She glanced at the car containing Larissa Weems, and quickly walked across the road. Esmeria watched Wednesday bump into a man carrying a crate full of apples.

The apples fell everywhere, and Wednesday's head flew back so fast it was almost at a right angle. The man started collecting the apples and Wednesday's head snapped back forward. Esmeria could see the man say something to Wednesday, who stared at the man for a second before rushing towards the Weathervane.

Esmeria moved over to her friend Tyler, who was fixing the coffee machine. "Still working on that?"

He sighed. "It really doesn't wanna work with me today."

She laughed, moving behind the counter, still clutching her cup. The machine suddenly let out a large gust of steam, making Esmeria jump. Tyler jumped as well, but it was at the fact that Wednesday had appeared in front of him. "Holy crap! Do you make a habit of scaring the hell out of people?"

"It's more of a hobby."

Esmeria looked up and smiled. "Hey Wednesday!"

Wednesday nodded in acknowledgement. "Hello Esmè."

Esmeria tried not to blush at the nickname as the other two began speaking again.

Tyler raised an eyebrow. "You go to Nevermore. Didn't realize they changed the uniform."

Esmeria shook her head. "They didn't."

Tyler glanced between the two girls in confusion as Wednesday spoke. "I need a quad over ice. It's an emergency."

She sighed as Tyler opened his mouth. "It's four shots of espresso."

He blinked. "Yeah, I-I know what a quad is, but, spoiler alert, the machine's having a seizure, so all we have is drip."

Wednesday tilted her head, confused. "But drip is for people who hate themselves and know their lives have no real purpose or meaning."

The three teens glanced over at a man who had been pouring himself a cup until, upon hearing Wednesday's statement, looked down sadly and walked away. Esmeria chuckled. "Well, I don't work here, so I'm gonna go sit back down."

She walked out from behind the counter, smiling at Wednesday as she did so. She sat back down at her previous booth, opening Twitter.

❀⁂❀⁂❀

Mira⚰️

@dead_inside

Guys, drip is for people hate themselves and know their lives have no real purpose or meaning💀

9 Rᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇᴛs 2 Qᴜᴏᴛᴇ Tᴡᴇᴇᴛs 43 Lɪᴋᴇs

Enid🐺 @enid_the_vlogger

Replying to @dead_inside

What did you do this time?

|

|

Mira⚰️ @dead_inside

Replying to @enid_the_vlogger

Literally nothing! Why do you always think it's me?????

|

|

Enid🐺 @enid_the_vlogger

Replying to @dead_inside

Because it usually is lol🤣🤣

❀⁂❀⁂❀

Esmeria looked up from her phone to see Wednesday sitting down across from her. "What'd Tyler want?"

Wednesday looked down and back up. "I need a ride to the train station so I can get out of here. Tyler's willing to drive me, but not until his shift is over."

Esmeria opened her mouth in an 'o' shape, remembering that Wednesday had said something about 'escaping' a few times. "Can I come with you? Just until the station. If I went with you, my parents would probably find me anyway."

Wednesday thought for a second and nodded. "Ok."

Esmeria smiled and looked back at her phone, trying to get Enid canceled on Twitter. She came out of her trance upon hearing voices that she really didn't want to hear.

"What're two Nevermore freaks doing out in the wild?"

"This is our booth."

Esmeria rolled her eyes. "I don't see your names on it."

Wednesday almost smiled at Esmeria's comment, until something else registered in her mind. She looked the boys up and down. "Why are you dressed like religious fanatics?"

"We're pilgrims."

Wednesday tilted her head. "Potato, po-tah-to."

One of the boys stepped forward, sliding a flyer across the table to Wednesday. "We work at Pilgrim World."

Wednesday glanced at the flyer for a few seconds, then looked back up. "It takes a special kind of stupid to devote an entire theme park to zealots responsible for mass genocide."

Lucas -the leader of the posse- scowled. "My dad owns Pilgrim World. Who're you calling stupid."

Esmeria groaned. "No one even cares, Lucas! Literally just shut up, and leave us alone."

Lucas's scowl deepened as Tyler walked over and started speaking. "Guys, back off."

Lucas turned to Tyler. "Stay out of this, Galpin."

Wednesday stood up. "Yes, stay out of this."

Lucas moved closer to Wednesday. "So tell me, freak, you ever been with a normie?"

Esmeria's eyes blazed with anger and she immediately moved to get up, stopping only when Wednesday looked at her with an 'I can do this' look on her face. Esmeria sighed resentfully, sitting back down. Wednesday looked at her for a second more before responding to Lucas. "I've never found one that could handle me."

There was a pause. Then Wednesday leaned towards the boys. "Boo."

"Hey!" Lucas called angrily, lunging at Wednesday. She took them all down easily, except for one, who moved to Esmeria as she sipped her hot chocolate. Mid-sip, Esmeria held her hand out, palm facing the boy. He stood still in confusion for a second until a Venus Flytrap shot out from the middle of her hand. It's mouth snapped shut in front of his face, teeth scraping some skin off his nose.

He fell backwards, crying like a baby. Esmeria laughed as Tyler turned to Wednesday. "So, where'd you learn those kung fu moves?"

Wednesday looked at Tyler. "My uncle taught me. He spent five years in a Tibetan Monastery."

Tyler raised an eyebrow. "Was he a monk?"

Wednesday slightly shook her head. "Prisoner."

Esmeria walked forward to join them until she saw the sheriff walking towards the shop. Her eyes widened and she turned to the other teens. "I have to go! Remember-"

Tyler cut her off. "-Reality is an illusion, the universe is a hologram, buy gold?"

Esmeria nodded and rushed under a table, melting into the shadows.

[femininetea]

RWBY Parallels:

Qrow and Winter

Spoilers for RWBY Volume 8 Finale

Now with V8Ch14, I finally have most puzzle pieces to make a post about these two. This post is up to interpretation so whether you view this in a shipping way or from a character plot perspective is all up to you. Stay kind. <3

Some parallels are obvious and don't need further explanation, for others I will go more into depth. I'm not sure if RWBY is doing this on purpose but I do hope that these parallels will matter at some point for character growth.

Both are the right hand to their head masters, trusting their judgement with their life

They were trained and put into their positions by their head masters themselves. Qrow who was a student at Beacon and became part of Ozpins inner circle. And Winter who was a student at Atlas, has the 2nd highest rank in the military and is Ironwoods right hand

-> note that we met Lionheart and he did not have anyone close in that position who'd be his 'Qrow' or 'Winter'

Both grew up in emotionally unstable environments with no proper image of family and were expected to become independent early in their childhood. Qrow who grew up with the bandits and Winter who grew up in the abusive Schnee household

They're related to the main cast and are their mentors (Qrow - Ruby/Winter - Weiss)

Qrow is like a 2nd father figure to Ruby and Winter like a mother figure to Weiss

They take their roles as mentors, caretakers and family figures and apply it to people around them. Qrow who took care of the main cast from V4 - V6 and Winter who acts like a big sister to Penny and is overprotective of people who are younger than her (like Marrow)

They're both emotionally distant and only get warm around their younger family members but also hide their true personal feelings in order to protect them

Both dealt with alcoholism, Qrow who is a former alcoholic and Winter who grew up with an alcoholic mother

They're cut of from their team. STRQ fell apart and Winter was in a former team since it's the norm for the academy. Penny told us in V7 that' she's not part of a team anymore since she works for the military and that the general told her "that she doesn't have time for friends", the same probably applies to Winter

They both are connected to magic (Qrow-> can turn into a bird, Winter - > Winter Maiden)

Ozpin and Ironwood both manipulated them. Ozpin didn't trust Qrow enough and sent him off to deadly missions and kept him in the dark. While Ironwood didn't keep secrets from Winter, her position in the military and Ironwoods knowledge of her past family life put her into a state where she is selfless and doesn't care about her life or doesn't let her personal feelings get in the way. She gets shut up by Ironwood when speaking her mind in certain situations (V3 Ozpins office, V7 Jacques Dining Table, V8 before Emerald disguised as Penny arrives)

They got both sent to deadly missions (for Winter it was in Mistral from V4-v5 and the planned bomb for the whale)

They're almost emotionally dependent on their guardians. Qrow felt like Ozpin finally gave him a purpose and a place to be. Similar to Winter where she found a father figure and a place where she felt like she could do some real good for the world.

After Qrow building up walls to not open up to people because of his semblance and Winter who was taught to keep her emotions shut her whole life, they lost their first and only friend (not counting former team members) tragically

Both also carry something that reminds them of their friends. Qrow has Clovers Pin and Winter holds the Maiden Powers

Their friends "died" in their arms/saw them before they faded

They both left (abusive) family members behind (Qrow - Raven / Winter - Parents)

They were both pretty skilled for their age (Qrow who got into the academy without going to a school beforehand and Winter's high rank for her mid-20's age)

Qrow and Winter were lied to/betrayed/dissapointed by their guardians. Ozpin hiding everything from everyone and then leaving, Ironwood giving into his paranoia and becoming controlling and threatening towards Winter (shooting people in front of her, pressuring her into staying with him, shutting her off and not listening to her, leaving his morals behind that she admired him for aka attempting to blow up Mantle, basically V8)

Manipulated and groomed into getting power to carry out dangerous jobs for them (Qrow getting turned into a bird, Winter getting the Maiden Powers)

Seeing their former home fall (Fall of Atlas and Beacon Academy)

Breaking down upon realization of what was done to them

(Qrow getting deeper into his alcoholism, Winter having an emotional breakdown and yes I don't think that Weiss was the only trigger for her to cry out. Her father figure got pushed into destructive paranoia who attempted to kill her , her best and only friend got murdered and her sister pushed into the void by the same person who again is responsible for everything that happened to her by influencing her most important guardian - and all of that within a few moments "You are going to pay - for everything that you've done" )

losing their younger family members

blaming themselves for what happens to their surroundings (Qrow with his bad luck and Winter not being able to save Weiss/anyone in the void)

Almost died (while protecting people they care about)

They have a pretty low self image and don't see themselves as deserving of anything. Winter told Penny that she doesn't deserve the powers and was just a machine. Qrow often deflects compliments and Clover even called him out on that.

If I missed any, feel free to add! So what do I think about this? Well at first there is more to them that was established but not continued. It was shown in V3 that they knew each other personally (on a 1st name basis) and had some kind of history but it didn't get addressed again after that.

Them barely interacting in V7 made me question if their build up was forgotten but on the other hand I think a lot of character interactions got the short end in V7 especially with the story. But what V7 and V8 gave us was more insight on Winter and with the fall of Ironwood and Atlas, these parallels became even clearer.

Now with Weiss and Ruby gone, I think there is the chance for the character's, especially Winter who also lost Penny and Ironwood, to step out of their character box. Winter was shown to be more than just an older sister and soldier. Now with her destiny in her hand but, at a painful cost, where does that lead her?

I think everyone knows already that V9 is going to be a detour and I don't think that it's going to be a split up like V4 but I think it could be similar to V8. It could be that Winter takes over the caretaker role like Qrow did in V4-V6. I hope it doesn't take long for him, Robyn and the Ace Ops to arrive. They still don't know what happened and I think they should work together with the Happy Huntresses in Vacuo and could perfectly function as minor characters and somewhat ending their (Happy Huntresses and Ace Ops) arc for now.

Overall I hope that we get to see Qrow and Winter grieve. They deserve it and Winter who's never been this emotional within one episode deserves to not hide it anymore. She'll have to struggle with her family and I just want her to have somebody to talk to who can relate. And after seeing all these parallels I think Qrow would be perfect for that matter and that build up from V3 would go somewhere.

Thank you for reading 💞 what do you think?💞

[aureutr]

What if Vader makes Luke the new emperor after they overthrow Palpatine, but still pampers/infantilize him

So I'm not into the overt infantalizing of grown-ups in fic (as in, full on bottles and diapers and stuff, just not my jam), but I can get behind unwanted pampering. Mostly for comedy purposes, but there's also an element of "your life was like WHAT??? oh no no no, let's take care of that even if you disagree" that can be fun. Hrm

I have no idea if this counts as dark except Luke wouldn't like it and that seems to be some people's line so uhh...heads up? 🤷‍♀️

So the thing about me and Darth Vader is I don't really care about how dark and scary and powerful he is. Power fantasy Vader is boring. I like that he's dark and scary and powerful and also kind of a dumbass.

He's not stupid! Far from it, but he's still at least somewhat Anakin Skywalker who has massive smart-dumbass energy. Like, master on the battlefield, terrible emotional intelligence.

And that is what would be interesting to clash against here. I think he's at least smart enough that he wouldn't put Luke on the throne right away. That's just asking for trouble until he gets his son to agree with him (spoiler alert: Luke won't, you dumbass).

So he probably starts with fancy clothes (he does not know what is fashionable; Luke does but refuses to ask for things) and food and the like. Luke rebuffs him. Vader, the dumbass, doesn't understand why and just assumes he picked the wrong thing. So he tries again.

Now again, he's not stupid. Eventually he loses his temper and threatens Luke into mild obedience. Probably by threatening Palace servants that Luke has made friends with. Because Luke absolutely would do that. He's on first-name basis with some of the guards, even.

I kind of play with this in my BobaLuke series where Luke is an Imperial Prince but it's a secret (I haven't gotten into why it's a secret in the story yet because that doesn't actually make sense if you look at it too hard--but there is a reason). Luke learns heavily into the "vapid slutty noble" stereotype to get around a lot of this stuff and pass off intel. But that series is from Boba's POV so mostly we just get hints of it (mainly with Boba wondering why Vader hasn't killed him).

But I think we're talking about Red Five Luke here, who hasn't had years and years to figure out how to approach civil disobedience. So he runs off a lot, or tries to anyway. It's a whole thing.

The other reason Vader can't just plop Luke onto the throne is his education. He doesn't have much of one, and certainly nothing he learned in Tatooine prepared him to be a statesman. So tutors it is.

Luke goes along with this part much more easily than Vader expects. Vader thinks this means he is making inroads and soon the son of Padme will have his proper place in the galaxy.

Actually it's because it lulls Vader into a false sense of security and there's nothing wrong with learning stuff. Even if it is taught with an Imperial bent.

Too bad Vader picked the wrong kid to try to pop onto a throne, one of them actually knows what she's doing (she would also claw his eyes out if he tried, go read Of Queen, Knights, and Pawns).

Vader does not know what he's doing. He was never interested in ruling, that was to be for Padme. Now, a galactic empire can mostly self-sustain for a good long while so it isn't a problem yet, but he's anxious to finish the changeover.

I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this. There's a reason I don't write Vader-centric stuff, I don't have a good feel for it. Lmao. There was a lot less pampering in there than I think you wanted, anon.

[a-tale-of-legends]

Who is the most evil or morally ambiguous of your OCs and do I dare ask for spoilers? Have a nice day. =)

If it weren't for their moral conscious, I would honestly say all of them. They all can be pretty brutal if they want to. But I'd have to say that Jude, Carol and maybe Danica are probably the most morally ambiguous.

Carol, for all intensive purposes, is a literal cons person. They know how to talk to people, get what they want, and read them like a good book. If there is something they don't know, they will either do their research, or get it out of somebody. They are not above blackmail, are any sort of non violent bribery. They always have a scheme ticking in their head: for every possible scenario, every possible outcome, which would best suit them and their friends, etc( doesn't help that with charismatic the kid is, they would have some ' connections' ) Carol doesn't show this side to them much: Naomi and Hop are the good supportive system that grounds them in reality and thus have a good heart as well ( most of what they do is for the sake of them, and their happiness. If something were to happen to them....well-). The main downside to Carol is that they're still a kid. A very smart, cunning and charismatic kid, but still a kid. Sometimes they're way in over their head, and can get arrogant. But even then, they have a plan for that. Interesting little fella.

Jude is Carol, but an adult, less mischievous, very intimidating, has aura powers ( sensing) and perpetually doesn't give a fuck. If Carol is more of a shady dealer that lurk in the shadows, Jude is the domineering ring master that will but you in your place. Again, like Carol, good supportive system + near death experience really changed their heart for the better, but it doesn't change the fact that Jude just doesn't care sometimes. They can be cold, calculated and ruthless in execution if they wanted to. They have no problems with people ( that they don't care for) getting hurt to prove a point OR to have them beg so they can't get answers out if them. As long as the person doesn't die- it would be a waste of energy then ( and also cause Jude, and Carol for that fact, crosses the line murder and death.)

Both Carol and Jude have a good supportive system, like I said, and generally happier with how they are now. They're both, I would call, good people. What I just described is the most extreme situation. Now for Danica. Danica's tricky.

If you look at Danica closely you would realize one thing: she is battle hungry. She craves a good battle. She's not gonna go all crazy when she does, no, but it does get her pumped ( a while back I made battle quotes for her loosing her champion title, and I tried to make it clear that she was much more expressive and more lively, which was very different from her quiet, unsettling demeanor before). She knows when to hold herself back, of course, but sometimes ( and this is very rare) she becomes brash and goes in without thinking. It doesn't help that with her connections to Giratina makes her scarier than before, sometimes having Giratina become more of an eldritch monster just to scare her enemies. Or, the more fun version, can Giratina posses her and she herself do the scaring. It's a group effort :) ( think Raven from the old TT show)

Danica's ambiguity doesn't help her case. She never gives you a clear answer, unless she, you know, does. She talks slow and smooth, making sure every word is heard ( or whispered). She doesn't show fear. Not that she doesn't have any, nor that she's holding her fear back. But you can never seem to find her when she does.

What I'm getting at is that I kinda see Danica as a cryptic and I'm not sure if that counts as morally ambiguous or not.

And....yeh. Sorry if non of these are morally ambiguous, cause I never really had much experience with them. If I did, I wouldn't know lol. Either way, I hope this answer will suffice

( tdlr: Carol is the dealer, Jude is The Boss, and Danica is the cryptic horror)

[bookloverember]

Book Review - Crooked Kingdom

Book: Crooked Kingdom

Author: Leigh Bardugo

Series: Six of Crows #2

Rating: ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

Summary:

Upon completing the job given to them by Jan van Eck and ultimately getting swindled, one of Kaz Brekker's crew was kidnapped. Brekker and his crew must rescue their good friend and valuable team member. Meanwhile, multiple world powers arrive in Ketterdam in search of deeper knowledge of the drug jurda parem and its effects on Grisha. Many of them wish to use the drug for bad purposes, one (very predictable) country wishes to use the drug to seek its antidote. The fate of the entire world lies in the hands of Kaz Brekker and his team all while they get hunted, tested, betrayed, and challenged by old and new enemies.

WARNING: Brief mentions of PTSD, Very slight spoilers (I personally don't count it as spoilers, but it discusses mental health representation in the books that some may count as spoilers)

Analysis/Thoughts/Opinions:

I started this book on January 1, 2022, and ended it on January 5, 2022. I probably could have read this book in three days but I get reading fatigue easily because of my ADHD!

I absolutely loved this book and the whole Six of Crows duology! The characters are amazing and the character development is smooth and effortless. I loved seeing the character development the most in this series.

Additionally, this series employed writing techniques superbly. You can pick up on Leigh Bardugo's writing techniques easily if you have studied writing and plot before. Even knowing this, however, I was on the edge of my seat! I could guess that something would go wrong but was so excited to learn what. I was anxious to see how Kaz and the crew would adjust to changes in plans. Actually, I was in awe of Kaz throughout the book because hearing his plans gives you a look inside his head. The way he plans and prepares for plans was something I could relate to because outside-the-box thinking is a characteristic of ADHD! :)

Tidbit about REPRESENTATION. The representation in this book was beautiful. Bardugo incorporated dyslexia and how it affects people really well. I think she even attempted to get aspects of ADHD in Jesper's character, with his inability to sit still, his impulsivity (in gambling), his ability to pick up skills easily, his hyperfixations. [I would have liked to see more ADHD representation as well (I will forever say this) but it's also difficult to write about because most of the hard-hitting signs and symptoms experienced are hard to write or talk about if you don't experience them yourself (i.e. executive dysfunction, etc.)]. I loved the representation of PTSD as well. I personally don't have diagnosed PTSD, however, I have friends that do. I like seeing the representation of it done in books because it helps me understand more as well. There was also a lot of LGBT as well as heterosexual representation! I loved that it wasn't one or the other, as if you can't have both in one. There was a healthy focus on both, not to mention the bisexual representation. I think the bisexual representation may have been a little off, however, because, unlike our lovely, smooth bisexuals in this book, I have only ever encountered awkward bisexuals who are in a constant state of panic. (Ahem, myself). The bisexuals are both also very flirty which is a common sort of stereotype of bisexuality, which can be true depending on the person and it is beneficial to the plot at least. I'm not too upset about it, it's just a thought. The reason I add heterosexual representation is important is that many books will focus on one or the other, often almost pretending the other doesn't exist. This book acknowledges BOTH and gives everyone reading something they can apply to themselves, not just gay or straight. This book is truly made for people of all backgrounds. This leads me to bodily and cultural representation...

I loved the hints at Nina's body not being this perfect stick-figure and a woman that loves to eat without it being shoved in your face either. There were also differences in culture and skin tone. Usually, I don't take a large interest in skin tone when reading fantasy unless it is geographically applied, but I do appreciate the differences in culture. It added a lot of interesting thoughts. The racial differences between the individual members of the crew weren't pointed out as much as things like the cultural differences, which was something I found myself appreciating even more. Leigh Bardugo did a fantastic job at incorporating representation, acknowledgment, and respect between each culture. For example, Matthias believed in Djel, Inej believed in the Saints, Nina didn't talk much about it. The separate religions were acknowledged by each other and while they were not taken on, they were respected.

Pros:

✧ Great mental health, body, cultural, LGBT, and heterosexual representation

✧ Great plot techniques employed and great maneuvering of said plot techniques

✧ Character Development!!!!!

✧ A book people of all backgrounds, sexualities, mental health

Cons:

✧ Should read the Shadow & Bone trilogy first to understand the politics better

Neutral?:

✧ A lot of action and plot to keep up with. This is okay for me personally and kept me interested, but if it's not your thing, you may get tired. However, I found it had enough "slow breaks" to not be tiring.

✧ This is Young Adult, so there is no spice. I didn't mind not having spice, but if you're looking for spice, you won't find it here nor should you find it in Young Adult books.

What I'm taking away from this book:

I'm taking away the character development and the effect of representation. I used to not really care about representation and part of me still doesn't. I don't exactly see the point of representation sometimes because all people are people. However, when I read the acknowledgment of Six of Crows and how Kaz impacted Leigh's journey, it helped me realize how important it is to have characters you can relate to and that can relate to you.

I've always used books as a way to have friends because I never and still don't have that many. Representation and relating to the characters in books help us realize we're not alone and that someone understands us and our pain.

I also noted the character development of Matthias and Kaz. Matthias was this cold-hearted, Grisha-killer at the start of the series. Throughout the books, we see his change of heart and his journey, and how he fights what was ingrained in his brain from a young age. Matthias overcomes hatred and replaces it with love. There is also Kaz, who couldn't allow himself to love or trust anyone at the start. Kaz is seen as cruel and heartless and he enjoys having it seen that way. It seems to me throughout reading that Kaz simply doesn't accept love either because he's too focused on getting revenge and/or because he is too scared to accept it. He seems scared of losing people so he lets most people believe him to be Dirtyhands. He made for an overall really relatable character. His ending however leaves you with the hope that there are brighter days ahead. Both Matthias and Kaz give me hope for not only seeing a better version of myself but the world as well.

Thanks for reading!!