#probably knowing that wen is seeing someone else

[te1epathy]

wish i could erase mlc from my brain so i could lose my mind & experience the range of emotion i did when alan was introduced

[gyuslcve]

can i request “svt members when their S/O falls asleep on another members lap/shoulder”?☺️

how svt reacts when their s/o falls asleep on another member’s lap/shoulder

genre: head canons, fluff if u squint

rq: requested by anon!

not proofread

notes: this idea is so cliche (in a good way) and never fails to make me go <333 thank u anon for this rq xx i really enjoyed writing this

SVT MEMBERS WHEN YOU FALL ASLEEP ON ANOTHER MEMBER’S LAP/SHOULDER

choi seungcheol

✧ i think he’d be conflicted because he doesn’t wanna wake you up but he wants you to lie on him and only him

✧ ends up trying to move you from someone else’s lap to his without waking you up

✧ is very gentle with you, afraid of disturbing your sleep :(

yoon jeonghan

✧ wakes you up and apologises

✧ “sorry darling.. i’m here now, go back to sleep”

✧ you don’t notice it but he looks at you tenderly and smooths your hair

hong joshua

✧ same as cheol, he’d try to shift your head from someone else’s shoulder to his own

✧ once you’re settled on his shoulder he glances down at you every once in a while, making sure you’re sleeping safe and sound

✧ chuckles to himself at your sleeping state (he finds it t o o adorable)

wen junhui

✧ slightly ???? when he sees the situation

✧ doesn’t really mind tbh

✧ shushes the members bc he knows you’re easily woken up by noises

kwon soonyoung

✧ pouts and hopes no one notices (he’s jealous)

✧ wakes you up gently and shifts next to you so you can lie on him instead

✧ instantly wraps an arm around you in a protective manner once you’re by his side

jeon wonwoo

✧ heart melts when he sees you asleep

✧ doesn’t have time to be jealous, he just walks up to you and wakes you up,

✧ “hey baby.. let’s go home yeah? i know you’re tired”

✧ if you insist on staying he’d bring you to his lap so you at least rest comfortably

lee jihoon

✧ doesn’t notice at first - when he does he gets jealous

✧ he tries not to show it but it’s written all over his face

✧ doesn’t wake you up or anything, makes a mental note to talk to you about it when you get home

✧ not from the intention of possessiveness but he wants you to know he’s uncomfortable with it and assures you he will always, always be by your side whenever you need it

xu minghao

✧ almost jumps out of his seat from impulsiveness and then sits his ass back down because he tells himself “it’s not a big deal”

✧ probably would sit there and debate whether he should wake you up or not for at least five minutes

✧ it puts his mind at ease once the thought that you fell asleep on the other member’s shoulder accidentally crosses his mind

kim mingyu

✧ torn between being jealous and heart swelling with affection

✧ lots of thoughts go through his head (while pouting)

✧ what if she gets mad at me for waking her up? w-what if she doesn’t love me anymore ;-;

✧ please give assurance to this big baby

lee seokmin

✧ another ???? member

✧ doesn’t really do anything, first thing that crosses his mind is when you fell asleep the night before

✧ he’s honestly just worried that he’s staying too late and you’re not getting enough rest :/

✧ wakes you up while brushing your hair and asks if you wanna go home

boo seungkwan

✧ man would jokingly make a threatening face at whoever you’re lying on

✧ then proceeds shush everyone in the room

✧ would take off his hat and place it over your head so that it blocks out the brightness

vernon chwe

✧ bro is too busy vernon-ing to notice

✧ not that he’s not paying attention to you.. he’s just vernon yk

✧ only finds out when the member you’re lying on texts him “yo, come get your girl”

✧ chuckles and slowly manoeuvres you into his arms, excuses himself and you from the room and brings you back home <3

lee chan

✧ furrows his eyebrows

✧ somehow shoos the member away and adjusts you onto his lap instead

✧ forgets about whatever conversation he’s having and spends entire night placing occasional kisses on your forehead and holding your hand

author’s notes: thank you again anon for the rq!! i really enjoyed writing this <3

[shanastoryteller]

Happy birthday, Untamed Bruised fruit, please!

a continuation of 1 2 3 4 5

Wen Qing doesn't know why she bothers to doubt him, other than that if someone doesn't then he'll stop being at all tethered to reality.

Everyone else arrives, and seeing Nie Mingjue in her village is enough to send her blood pressure up, but Nie Huaisang seems to have leashed his brother for at least one evening, and is fluttering around everyone and loudly complimenting the architecture. Really, the only attendants besides Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan who don't get her hackles up are Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen, who who calls her niece with spark of humor she didn't know he had.

The Lan arrival sends everyone into a tizzy. A-Yuan attaches himself to Lan Wangji, who doesn't seem to mind, and he and Wuxian fall instantly into conversation, like they hadn't spent their teen years at each other's throats and most of the war not much better. Wuxian really can make friends with anyone.

Then, just as he predicted, the Jiang are the last to arrive.

Jiang Cheng appears up the lit path, what looks like almost the whole Jiang clan behind him and not doing a very good job to contain their excitement - even from here she can whispers about Senior Brother Wei, despite the very public break Wuxian was supposed to have from their clan.

Wuxian is holding Suyin when Jiang Chen storms up to him. Everyone goes quiet, watching, as lightning arcs up his hand and he sets his face into a scowl that had been the last thing a lot of people had seen on the battlefield.

Wuxian is so still, not even breathing, because Jiang Cheng has always been the one who could break him and the one he never thought would, but the war changed a lot of things.

"Well?" Jiang Cheng snaps.

Wuxian stares.

He holds out his impatiently, still what that same scowl.

Wuxian grins, carefully placing their daughter in Jiang Cheng hands, who holds her easily and competently, probably due to his experience with Jin Ling.

Jiang Cheng looks down at his niece and his face softens. When he looks back up at Wuxian, the sneer isn't nearly as believable. "Well, it looks like you finally managed to do something right."

"Hey!" Wuxian shouts, crossing his arms and pouting, and the rest of Jiang are surging forward, pushing forward to get a look at Suyin, and Wen Qing sighs and goes to find Jin Zixuan.

Maybe he has tips on dealing with in-laws.

[abby118]

hi! your post about loki's costumes the other day was really interesting :D since you're talking about thor, what are your thoughts on *thor's* costuming?

Hiii I'm so glad you asked! :D

There are numerous paragraphs in the The Art of books talking about this topic, but to preface this, I'll mention these from the first book:

(concept art by Charlie Wen)

As I've already said in the post about Loki's costume design, the helmet design is a part of Odin's helmet design. (X) Although, we only see Thor wearing it once, during his coronation.

-again, I really like the colours they chose for him, especially considering the fact that silver seems to be a bit rarer than gold in Asgard, and red is the complementary/opposite colour to green. Odin also wears a combination of gold & silver.

-of course, I have to mention the chainmail sleeves.

I know many people like the cirular elements to his armour (and the runes around the circles!), but I, personally, like the pattern of the metal and its combination with leather.

-Obviously, Mjölnir is a topic on its own and I would go into a complete tangent, but I felt it needed to be mentioned at least once.

-Another detail I like, is that most of the time, Thor's armour is pretty heavy (especially when compared to some of Loki's). He's got a lot of metal and I think it reflects his combat style in a way. Unlike Loki, he doesn't strike me as someone who'd need a lot of agility, mainly because his fighting style is very force-focused and well.. Mjölnir does the job.

-Moving on to the first Avengers, at first, the armour composition is slightly different. There's more leather and the contrasting colours are more visible. I like to think this is a bit of a nod to him being on Midgard. Of course, once it gets to the fight with the Chitauri army, he returns back to his usual battle setup, I don't know what else to call it.

I think my favourite detail is the armguard with the symbol of Loki's helmet on it.

-His TDW armour is probably my favourite, and I think that's because it's more fitting for actual battle (as he'd been "restoring the order of the 9 realms"), and then we get a glipse of a more daily life on Asgard compared to the ones we'd seen prior. It's also darker, which.. is a nice detail in context of the movie, as well as the story by that point.

It also seems more practical in terms of actual protection (although, I'm sure having the long cape attached to himself is notoriously inconvenient).

(concept art by Charlie Wen)

Unlike most people, I absolutely love the black leather cloak. (I also recommend checking out this article- X)

One tiny detail I noticed is the zipper-like lining they used that's similar to the lining seen in Loki's armour.

-Thor doesn't really like wearing the chainmail does he? It's a tradition at this point.

-and an honourable mention: this outfit from Avengers Age of Ultron.

[firstkanaphans]

I know this is a lot to ask for but could you imagine writing a little follow up to the Gaipa Alan Joking at wedding kiss?

Maybe they see each other again and are both insecure how the other meant the kiss and if it was only in a haha look we make out at their wedding way or if actual feelings were involved (and Alan realising that Gaipa is the hottest man he has ever seen)

Certainly! You can read Part 1 here.

Alan had known that watching Wen marry someone else would very likely rip open the stitches in his still-mending heart. He had expected it. What he hadn’t expected was for it to piece itself back together so quickly. He had Gaipa to thank for that. A starlit sky. A drunken kiss. A single perfect moment that he would never forget. 

Now, two weeks later, the press of Gaipa’s lips against his haunted him still. Those few minutes spent in each other’s presence had been the happiest Alan had felt in years—even as his whole world crumbled down around him. So he went looking for a ghost. 

The market was bustling and although Alan wasn’t quite sure where to go, it took him less than a minute to find Gaipa. It was as if there was an invisible string tying their hearts together; he walked straight to him.

“I’ll be with you in just a—” Gaipa started, but then he looked up and his eyes widened comically. “Khun Alan. Hi.”

It was the first time Alan had seen him since the night of the wedding and he would be lying if he said he hadn’t been worried that the attraction he had felt then had only been manufactured by a combination of the circumstances and copious amounts of alcohol. But standing in front of Gaipa now, he knew that wasn’t true because although Gaipa was only wearing a T-shirt and shorts, although he had rubber boots pulled up to his knees, although his face and his hair were sticky with sweat, he was still beautiful.

It was an understated beauty—soft and innocent. He was smooth lines while Wen was jagged edges. He wasn’t anywhere close to Alan’s type. And yet, he was perfect.

“You’re here for chicken?” Gaipa asked.

Alan shook his head to clear it and then looked down at the cuts of meat on display in front of him. He had no need for chicken and he didn’t want to make Gaipa work unnecessarily, so instead he took a deep breath, looked Gaipa right in the eyes, and said, “Actually, I’m here to ask you to dinner.”

Gaipa blinked twice as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. “Dinner? You mean like a date?”

“Yes,” Alan agreed. “Like a date.”

Gaipa raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Oh, wow. I’ve never been asked on a date before.” 

The words probably should have scared Alan off. Gaipa was young—perhaps too young, too inexperienced—but instead of cowering, he found the revelation evocative. It triggered a protective instinct inside of him that had long been dormant because Wen had never wanted nor needed it. It felt good to rouse it again.

“Is that a yes?” Alan asked.

Gaipa smiled, soft and shy. “Yes. I would love that. Thank you.”

Alan had originally planned to schedule a time for the upcoming weekend, but he found that he was too excited to wait. His heart was pounding in his chest and the thought of leaving with no promise to see Gaipa again made him uneasy. “What about tonight?” he asked. “I can pick you up.” He knew he sounded overeager, but he didn’t care. He was. And he was tired of hiding his true self behind a socially acceptable facade. This was who he was. This was the him he wanted Gaipa to know. Gaipa’s smile never wavered.

“I…yes. Yeah. Sure. Tonight.”

“Okay then,” Alan said, suddenly giddy. They probably looked like idiots standing there flirting over raw chicken, but Alan didn’t care. His stomach was full of butterflies. “I’ll give you my phone number just in case—”

“Oh, don’t worry. I already have it.” Gaipa seemed to realize his mistake a second too late because as Alan watched, his cheeks lit aflame, burning the same color they had on the night of the wedding. It was almost like Alan was back in that garden again, the moon and stars shining high above him, the taste of Gaipa on his tongue. “I, um, got it from Wen. I’ve been trying to work up the courage to text you.”

“Why didn’t you?” Alan asked. He wanted to step closer and close the distance between them, but the stall was in the way so instead he reached out and placed his hand on top of Gaipa’s. Gaipa stared down at where their skin touched and his blush darkened.

“I don’t know,” he said, glancing up demurely to meet Alan’s gaze. “I guess I just figured that if Wen was your type, I wouldn’t be.” 

“I dated Wen for five years and yet I never felt even a fraction for him what I felt on the night you kissed me. It feels a bit like destiny, doesn’t it? That I had to date him to meet you. Maybe we deserve a happy ending, too.”

Gaipa smiled, his eyes shining with promise, and for the first time in years, Alan's heart felt whole again.

[clara-maybe-ontheroad]

Little musings on Gap (Drake), Only Friends ep 1 & 7

It's probably been said by someone already, but I'm appreciating the fact that the superposition between Boston sleeping with Gap in the first episode and Nick jerking off to his phone was such an announcement of what was to come.

-> The voyeurism of Nick going through Boston's phone for his sexual pleasure while (we now know) Boston was being filmed against his consent for Gap's sexual pleasure.

-> The revelation that this isn't just a one off and that Gap actually has a career with filming guys he has sex with and putting it on the Internet as porn.

Which begs the question though : was any of that first interaction between Boston and Gap real ? In episode 1, Gap says he has a boyfriend but that boyfriend lets him play with strangers sometimes. It's entirely possible that it's true, but in episode 7 we also learn that Gap has put so many sex tapes online that he isn't surprised that someone like Mew might recognize him from "his work".

(as an aside, I've talked in previous posts about how much "work" and "services" seem to almost exclusively refer to sex in this show, the trend continues)

Anyway, I wouldn't be surprised if Gap lied to Boston in that first encounter, because everybody in this show and in real life lies, and also because he probably saw what would make him more exciting to Boston : being taken, unavailable, technically belonging to someone else yet wanting him. We all know that's Boston's type, and maybe Gap could tell. Gap was putting the ground work to see if Boston was daring enough and would make a good subject for his videos.

Edit : turns out I was misremembering and potential threesome guy wasn't Gap, so no lying on Gap's part there. Still though, the rest of the lying stands since Boston didn't know about the camera ; and maybe Gap justifies it to himself thinking that since he has a presence online, if people approach him it's their responsibility to know ? Or not his problem

Does Gap know who is going to put on the Internet and who he's going to keep for himself ? I don't know, but it seems like he didn't actually release the video with Boston, he tried to use the fact that he had it to get more sex out of him.

The show treats it as a bit of a bleep in Mew's revenge scheme, but we do see how many folders Gap has on his computer of sex tapes. A lot.

Btw love how P'Jojo has to insert himself into everything haha, after the Twitter account now the sex tape folder

How many of these people knew they were being filmed ? How many didn't ? How many that didn't had their faces hidden in the shadow ? The example of Boston Vs Mew seems to suggest that when they do know, Gap's partners often prefer to have their face hidden in the shadows, while someone like Boston who is in the dark (ah) about what's happening will show their face on camera unknowingly.

Would that make those videos more valuable to Gap ? Collecting faces of men who didn't consent ?

The show does treat what Gap did as something had, but it's mostly there so Mew can have its revenge moment of threatening to Boston but keeping the moral high ground, showing he's better than everyone.

But the show is telling us everyone's moral standards are in the gutter. No one is truly shocked at Gap's behaviours, and it doesn't seem like there's going to be any consequences to that. It's just going to be a bump on the road, because there are shitty people everywhere like that.

And as said in other posts, the low level to high key shittiness of absolutely everyone in this show is what's making it gold.

(this is not high degree meta so I don't know if it's worthy of the ephemerality squad but I'd love to hear more thoughts on the Gap situation or to be pointed to more posts already written about him so tagging @waitmyturtles @lurkingshan @ranchthoughts @twig-tea @slayerkitty @distant-screaming @neuroticbookworm @chickenstrangers @thatgirl4815 @wen-kexing-apologist )

[wutheringskies]

Wei Wuxian's first life was doomed

I really implore people to understand absolutely nothing would've saved Wei Wuxian and the Wens in his first life; either he'd end up half a prisoner, or in a bad deal or they'll all end up dying.

The tragedy of MDZS is that a bunch of powerful people decide to snatch all resources, because nobody stood up, nobody cared, nobody dared until there was a war which killed THOUSANDS, destroyed cities, probably let an immense number of resentful spirits linger. The Wens had a literal torture chamber. Wen Chao threw Wei Wuxian into the Burial Mounds so that he can never come back for revenge - they didn't even let the dying speak.

And then the one who fought the hardest realizes that now another sect was heading into the same direction, torturing people, taking the seat of chief cultivator, delving into demonic cultivation. He stands up against it but once again the world is blind, and instead fall prey to the newest authory to fill their own wallets.

Once again, this guy stands up even as the stakes are terribly against him. People say it was his hubris at thinking he could manage it all alone but I've two statements:

1. There was no other choice; it's either surrender and hand power to that sect, have the innocents die and live with that for the rest of your life OR wait until they kill you.

2. It is true as Jin Guangyao said that even if he hadn't lost control at Qionggi Path, could he have really never lost control? But regardless, that means that the world will continue to put him into unfavourable positions instead of just leaving him alone. Imagine, they could've just not invited him; or not ambushed him; or not accused him with an ambush; just left him alone.

Regardless, the point is - he dies, falling into the numerous plans and agendas. In his first life no matter what, he would've died. If not Jin Zixun, someone else would've had something bad happen; if not, one could paint it out; the rumors could worsen; they could literally ambush him while going to the market.

It's an unfair game because if he lives, then he becomes more and more ostracized and the attempts would become all the more devious. If he dies, then it's over anyway - the Wens would die. His cultivation would fall into the wrong hands. If he backs down they will push forward. If he even kills one, that death would be used to incriminate him further. If he gets a public ally, the ally would be killed too (Think about how nobody knows LWJ saved WWX other than the Lan elders - that was the mercy they grant him. Because they were afriad he would be killed)

But it gets torturous when now the sect that rose to power, that is the Jins are revealed to be annihilating entire minor sects and clans in their backyard, building watch towers, killing important people, taking complete domination over the cultivation world - the same things he had once spoken against.

And then another major clan's head summons this guy back to life to go on a personal revenge rendezvous engineered by him, with both the Jin side and the Nie side constantly putting a bunch of kids into danger so that they could hold it over each other's head or ultimately blame it, once again, onto the same guy.

So, yeah, he goes through the entire plot, trying not to fall prey to anyone's plans and saves the children twice and everyone marches over to him to demand compensation for having their parents killed when they came to kill him or their leg broken when they tried to kill him (lmao) and get saved by this guy and the innocents they robbed of from entering the reincarnation cycle by throwing them into the blood pool (sounds familiar yet?)

and now, this guy gets to see the Jin clan fall and immediately people turn onto the Jins because now they're sure to fall, right? It's not righteous. It's not to avenge anyone who was killed. It's to fulfil their own ambitions by dragging those who are at statuses of power to gain some for themselves.

And the fact his ending narration is expectation that Nie Huaisang will perhaps show the world his edges soon is just...like he has no belief in these people anymore. At 20, he perhaps held a sliver of hope. At 35, he understands all of these people are headed for hell and wishes to take no part in it

[robininthelabyrinth]

Lao Nie doesn't die after his sword is broken. The mad Nei leader stays in power. Huisang gets the opportunity to remember his father. Some memories are good. 🙃🙃🙃

survival (of a sort) - ao3

“You can paint, right?” Nie Mingjue asked, and Nie Huaisang hummed in something that wasn’t quite agreement, but wasn’t disagreement, either.

After all, he could paint. He was actually quite proud of his painting, really. He thought he was getting pretty good at it, and he practiced it all the time when he was alone – it was certainly a lot more fun than anything else he could be doing. He’d even gotten a few compliments from people when they saw things he’d made, though he usually didn’t let them know that what they were admiring was his own work. He never admitted anything.

It went against his principles to admit that he had any skills.

It wasn’t good to have skills.

Skills could be used, after all. Look at Nie Mingjue, who had so many skills – who was blessed, or cursed, with the ability to be good at any martial art, a talent for saber that hadn’t been seen in a thousand years, a natural grasp on strategy, tactics, and even command. He didn’t have any artistic skills, couldn’t draw a straight line or keep a tune to save his life, but that was about the only thing he couldn’t do.

He could even control that nasty temper he’d inherited.

Not that he’d had much choice but to learn that. None of them had any choice, when it came to that – the only person allowed to be angry was their father.

Their father, the Sect Leader.

Their father, the madman.

It’d all started when Wen Ruohan had broken their father’s beloved saber, Jiwei. Nie Huaisang had been quite young at the time, so he didn’t know why the other sect leader had done something like that – according to Nie Mingjue, they’d actually been pretty fond of each other before that – but if it had been meant to assassinate him, it hadn’t worked. Their father had survived…mostly.

It was that mostly that was the real problem.

If you asked Nie Huaisang, they probably would’ve been better off if the assassination had worked.

Not that anyone ever asked Nie Huaisang.

“If I asked you to paint something…” Nie Mingjue started to say, then trailed off, his expression distant as he studied the wall next to them with great interest, not looking at Nie Huaisang for too long lest someone tell their father that they were plotting together again – that had happened about a year ago, some waste of space trying to show off, trying to play on the mad sect leader’s qi-deviation-induced paranoia to make themselves seem valuable, try to climb up the ladder to power by stepping on the existing heirs. It had resulted in the two of them not being allowed to see each other for a month, two broken bones for Nie Mingjue to add to his extensive collection, and Nie Huaisang having taken his first life, though no one knew about that last one. They just knew that the bastard that had tried the little scheme hadn’t even finished convalescing from the beating the sect leader had given him for interrupting his day when someone had made their way into his bedroom in the middle of the night and slit his throat.

No one had bothered checking on who might’ve done it.

After all, the obvious assumption was that it had been the sect leader himself, out on one of his midnight walks – he didn’t sleep anymore, too red-eyed and swollen with fury to ever properly rest – having somehow remembered the poor bastard’s name and face and decided to go finish the job.

It wouldn’t be the first time.

So, really, there was no point in checking, no point in looking. The only thing that could be done was to wait until the sect leader was distracted by something else – when there was another, newer target for his rage.

There was always something to be angry about.

It was usually the wars. Or, well, it had been the wars, consistently, these past few years; war was messy and unpredictable, always good for a distraction. But with the Nie sect’s ascendancy to the position of supreme sect rapidly growing ever more steadily consolidated, there were fewer and fewer sects daring to stand against them, and fewer excuses for war. Who wanted to be slaughtered like dogs, their lives and those of their families fed to the sect leader’s shoddily reforged saber like meat to a fattened pig?

They’d started surrendering instead of fighting, picking life over dignity.

Sometimes it even worked.

That was all well and good for them, but not so good for the people of the Unclean Realm.

Here, people were starting to worry what life would be like when the sects willing to fight back ran out. The streets of the Unclean Realm were filled with whispers, people asking each other how much longer could Lanling Jin afford to pay for mercenaries, or perhaps more accurately, given how swiftly they died, how many more mercenaries would be available to be bought. They asked each other if the Lan sect was still holding strong, proud and rigid in their morality and rules, or if they’d retreated into the safety of seclusion at long last, the cost of chivalry finally too high for them to pay. They asked if the much-reduced Jiang were thinking of rebelling again, or if they’d finally learned their lesson the last time around. They asked…well, that was all they asked.

(Once in a while, someone asked about the Wen sect. They were forcibly made to shut up as swiftly as possible.)

The important part wasn’t what sect led the war against them. The important part was the war.After all, if there wasn’t a war, then what would they have with which to distract their terrible sect leader?

If he wasn’t leading a war, then he’d be at home. At home all the time.

That would be bad.

“If you wanted something painted, I could probably whip something together,” Nie Huaisang said casually. Too casually, as if he wouldn’t break his own back if it meant doing something for his brother, who never asked for anything for himself. His brother, who was the only reason they still had anything resembling a functional sect – who’d taken on all the horrible chores of sect leadership that their madman of a father was no longer capable of, the mundane and boring stuff about fixing the laundry when it broke or making sure there wasn’t a shortage in shoes. His brother, who was the only person who still spoke up to their father to stop him, as much as possible, from bringing the atrocities committed outside their borders back home.

There was a reason he had all those broken bones.

Nie Mingjue insisted, to this day, that it wasn’t their father’s fault that he was like this. He’d been driven mad by the loss of Jiwei, the rage from the saber sinking into his own soul and corrupting it, the qi deviation turning black into white – the closer he had been to someone, the more he hated them now.

If you thought about it that way, their father must have adored his eldest son.

Nie Huaisang thought cynically sometimes that he himself had gotten lucky: when the break had happened, he’d been too young to have much of a personality, and so his father’s love for him had been of a more generic nature. It didn’t exempt him from his father’s current hatred, the resentment in him seething at the mere sight of Nie Huaisang, but it did mean that his father’s memories of him were largely composed of waiting for him to get old enough to teach. Waiting for him to get down the basics of cultivation and the saber well enough that they could really start spending quality time together, so that he could pass down the Nie sect’s cultivation to him the way he had to Nie Mingjue.

Too bad that Nie Huaisang was never, ever going to get the basics down.

What a good-for-nothing he was!

“How accurate can you get?” Nie Mingjue wondered, still not looking at him directly. He had a black eye again, swiftly fading – he’d probably be dead if his cultivation wasn’t as good as it was, and Nie Huaisang hated that he had to thank his father for that, for giving Nie Mingjue the foundation in cultivation he needed to survive the wreckage of their lives, survive the monster that his father had become. “I mean, that bird you did a few days ago was pretty dead on, true to life.”

“Uh-huh,” Nie Huaisang said. “Really. What type of bird was it again?”

Nie Mingjue shot him a comically betrayed look that made Nie Huaisang have to force down laughter – his brother couldn’t tell the difference between a cuckoo and a quail, with a habit of calling everything with talons a hawk, everything black a raven, and everything else divided neatly into being either a songbird or a chicken.

“I can do it,” he said again, and meant it this time. “Don’t worry about it, da-ge, I can do even better than that bird if I try. What is it?”

“Oh, just some abstract designs I think are pretty,” Nie Mingjue said. “I’ll show you sometime. No rush.”

Nie Huaisang knew well enough by now to know that that meant he ought to be fully dressed and ready to go that night at midnight, when his brother appeared in his room with nothing for light but a night-pearl and a few cloaks to help them blend in better. If they were caught by their father on his endless nighttime prowls, they would be in serious trouble – not at risk of dying, since their father still remembered that he needed to preserve his heirs, though he clearly no longer understood the reason why – and it was better to avoid that if they could. Midnight was usually the safest time. That was when their father typically went to the forges, to try yet again to reforge his saber, as if the dozens or hundreds of times he’d tried before had simply been inadequate, rather than the task itself being impossible.

It was usually the safest time.

“If he sees us, stay still and don’t move,” Nie Mingjue instructed, after giving Nie Huaisang a great big hug that neither of them had wanted to break. “I’ll go forward and get his attention. I don’t want him seeing you.”

“He’ll be less angry if it’s me he sees,” Nie Huaisang argued, but his big brother shook his head firmly. “Da-ge, please. You still haven’t finished healing from that thing two weeks ago. It’s my turn. I deserve the chance to bear the burden.”

Sometimes that worked, now that Nie Huaisang was old enough to make the argument plausible, but not tonight – Nie Mingjue was implacable.

“I want you to focus on copying out the design,” he said stubbornly. “That’s more important.”

“You going to tell me what it is you need copied so badly?”

“It’s better if you see it yourself.”

Their path, this night, led them down the spiraling stairs into the belly of the Unclean Realm, the places lower down and further away. At first, Nie Huaisang thought they were going to go to the prison that was there, to copy a portrait of some poor imprisoned soul for their family outside, but they went past that place without stopping. So next he thought they were going to go to the family shrines, the locked-away places in the deep dark caverns beneath the mountain that sheltered and backed their home, but they went past that, too.

They went deeper.

It turned out that his first guess had been the right one: they were going to a prison.

“Welcome back,” Wen Ruohan said, and bared his teeth. The few people that Nie Huaisang had found that were willing to speak of the past had said that Wen Ruohan had had the appearance of a distinguished gentleman, his clothing beautiful and his manner impeccable, his smile always urbane and refined despite the atrocities he committed, but that was then, and this was now – his father’s former friend turned would-be killer had little left of whatever poise he might have once possessed. His clothing was still of fine material, but it had gone ragged and faded with age and too many washes; it couldn’t conceal how thin he had become, nor the viciousness in his eyes, red-rimmed and marked with dark circles underneath. It couldn’t conceal the way he no longer smiled but only grimaced.

It couldn’t conceal the two stubs at the end of his arms, where his hands had been chopped off at the wrist.

“He’s an array master,” Nie Mingjue told Nie Huaisang, a short sentence that explained everything. That was why their father had butchered Wen Ruohan’s hands, their family origin showing itself after all these generations of pretending to be noble; that was why he had locked him away in this pit with little light and nothing he could use to write.

That was why they were here, now.

His brother would have done it without him if he could, Nie Huaisang knew. To this day, the mention of the Wen was the surest way to drive their madman of a father into a murderous frenzy – those surviving few who had been surnamed Wen had changed it to preserve their own lives, most of them taking on the surname ‘Wei’ after the brave couple, Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren, that had come to rescue those of them that they could from the aftermath of Wen Ruohan’s fall; Nie Huaisang thought he’d heard that they’d gone to ground in Yiling, making their own little sect, isolated by a wary world but for a distant alliance with the Gusu Lan largely formed through the strength of Cangse Sanren’s old friendship with Lan Qiren. They teetered, as far as Nie Huaisang knew, on the edge of starvation, unable to leave the safety of the Burial Mounds for fear that the mad Sect Leader Nie would come try to finish the job he’d once started – and they were right to be afraid.

Their father would kill them if he could. He’d kill anyone who had anything to do with the Wen.

Anything at all.

This thing they were doing now, this newest plan of Nie Mingjue’s to try to save people because that was what it always was, that was always the reason, was more dangerous than anything they had ever done before. Nie Huaisang knew that.

He knew, too, that his brother would prefer that he was left out of it. He always tried to keep Nie Huaisang out of things, always tried to protect him, always worried first and foremost whether he would be safe. For something as dangerous as this, something involving the Wen and Wen Ruohan in particular, he especially wouldn’t want Nie Huaisang to be involved.

But his brother couldn’t paint a straight line if he tried.

His calligraphy was called bold and vigorous, but in truth was sometimes better called nearly illegible; he could draw talismans, if he had to, forcing the scribbles to bear some spiritual energy and do more-or-less what they were supposed to, but the ones he made never worked as well as they would if made by someone with actual talent in the art.

Talent like Nie Huaisang’s.

“You trust him?” Nie Huaisang asked, curious. He assumed the answer was yes, given that they were here, but in the end this was the man who had brought all of this trouble down on their heads. If Wen Ruohan hadn’t broken Jiwei, their father wouldn’t be so obsessed with trying to put her back together.

Nie Mingjue hesitated.

“I don’t think there’s any other choice,” he finally said, and Wen Ruohan let out a hacking cough that may have once been meant as a sardonic laugh. “The wars are ending. Sooner than people think – the other sects are basically crushed already. The Jiang lost their heart with the massacre, the Jin are in way over their heads, the Lan…”

The Lan had once been the Nie sect’s closest allies, and their main sect among the ones their father had counted as his friends. The more he once loved…

Best not to think about it.

“Without a war, he’ll turn on everyone else,” Nie Mingjue concluded. “Those of us here at home, yes, but not just us.He’ll kill everyone if that’s what it takes, or at least what he thinks it’ll take to get Jiwei back. His cultivation is so high now that I can’t catch up. I can’t stop him, even if I were willing to be a patricide, so that’s not the answer. We need a different approach.”

He nodded at Wen Ruohan – presumably, the different approach in question.

“What’s the array I’m going to be drawing meant to do?” Nie Huaisang asked, a concession and agreement, and his brother was going to explain, he could see it, except there was the sound of footsteps in the hall.

“Why is he here?” Wen Ruohan asked, his face growing pale. He’d brightened upon seeing Nie Mingjue, growing lively once more, a corpse coming back to life, but now he seemed weak once more – now he seemed afraid. He should be. “Why – he barely ever comes here anymore. Why is he here now?”

Bad luck, Nie Huisang supposed. Just plain bad luck.

They had a lot of that in their family.

“I’ll go distract him,” Nie Mingjue said, pulling off his cloak. “Huaisang, Ruohan – get to work.”

He was gone a moment later, before Nie Huaisang could stop him.

So instead, Nie Huaisang turned to look at the man in the cage.

“Ruohan?” he asked archly. “Really? For my brother to refer to someone so much older than him so intimately is most unlike him…I take it you’re on very good terms with each other, then?”

“Our cultivation styles are extremely compatible,” Wen Ruohan said. He looked more tired than anything else. “He’s come to visit me any number of times, but we only discovered it relatively recently. Under the circumstances, I thought it appropriate for him to call me by name… I will answer any question you like. He has already told me to be afraid of you.”

“He did?”

“He doesn’t know to be afraid,” Wen Ruohan corrected himself. “But I knew your mother, and I can tell from the way he speaks of you that you are often underestimated. I won’t make that mistake."

Nie Huaisang didn’t trust Wen Ruohan one bit. But he didn’t need to trust him to use him.

And they didn’t have time to waste. Not with Nie Mingjue winning them time to talk, trading his body and his pain for just a little bit longer. “Tell me what the array you want me to draw looks like.”

[jaimebluesq]

oooo for the AU Ask Game, an alternate universe where JYL marries someone else who isn't Jin Zixuan? (your choice on who she marries and why!)

Oooh this is a fun one! All right, here we go... this might change EVERYTHING lol

Who does JYL marry? There is absolutely no question in my mind that the best option in terms of inter-sect connections, and a desire on JC and WWX's parts that she be safe and cared for, is for her to marry Nie Mingjue. She would have had a chance to get to know him during the Sunshot campaign, and we all know NMJ drinks respect -women-juice for breakfast - and is a big softie, like look what he lets his brother get away with >.< So yeah, JYL goes to Qinghe and gets a spare didi out of the deal!

But why does she marry? Because yes, she still has feelings for JZXuan, but he's still a man-child who doesn't know a good thing when he sees it ;) But seriously, we have YMJ which is still rebuilding after the war and likely getting more and more in debt to get the supplies and manpower to fix up Lotus Pier, not to mention attracting new disciples to feed and clothe, so they'd need an alliance with another great sect - one that's stable financially and could even help YMJ. Gusu is still rebuilding as well, so they're out, and we've eliminated the Jin. THankfully Qinghe is a solid option all around (as stated above). And JYL has known from the time she was young that she would marry for an alliance, not for love - she would be the one to sit JC and WWX down to tell them it needs to be done (when they hear her suggestion of NMJ, that's the thing that gets them on board - they would have fought just about anyone else).

So at Koi Tower, things might be a little more uncertain because these clans are based on hereditary hierarchy, and without an heir along Jin Zixuan's line, his position is uncertain even if he's the only legitimate son. So JGS pushes for a marriage - even worse when he sees Qin Su's pursuit of JGY, because he'll be DAMNED if he allows JGY to marry before JZXuan. Sadly, I have no idea who he'd marry, probably the daughter of a smaller sect's leader (Yao or Ouyang maybe), but it would be a rushed deal and will make poor JZXuan miserable - but he'll do it because it's what's expected of him, and even though he will not love his wife, he will still give her far more respect than his father gave his mother (I know, low bar, but the boy is TRYING).

So with JYL engaged to NMJ by the time of the Phoenix Mountain Hunt, things go a little different - yes WWX will bust out the Wen remnants and fuck out of dodge, but JYL will go to NMJ and ask him to help WWX (at the very least give him a chance to explain instead of denouncing him with everyone else). This turns the tide for many things because once NMJ sees the conditions of the Burial Mounds and what's left of the Wen, he will be amenable to helping - but will do so under the condition that WWX give up demonic cultivation (and in fact he suggests Nie cultivation as an alternative - this will lead to a sad moment when WWX FINALLY comes up with a proper story and claim that WZL melted his core to explain that he's core-less, and after much crying all around, they can finally move forward from this mess).

So the Nie will lend their protection to the Wen in the Burial Mounds and actually suggest they move up into Qinghe - not by the Unclean Realm, but he will give them land to live on that isn't full of resentful energy, and they will have QHN's protection. This is good, and in return, a certain doctor meets NMJ and will start researching his condition to treat (and hey, if you wanna have fun, have her join NMJ & JYL, I'm easy ;)

So yeah! One change and everything changes like dominos :D

Thank you for the ask!

[spriteofmushrooms]

hiya! chengning for the ship meme?

The thing about chengning is that THE INSTANT Jiang Cheng became aware of Wen Ning's existence, Wei Wuxian immediately compared them, saying Jiang Cheng, Guy Who Earns Love By Being Good, wasn't as good as Wen Ning at archery. How could they be friends then? The next time Jiang Cheng is conscious around Wen Ning, he was just tortured by Wen Ning's cousin (possibly while Wen Ning watched); before Jiang Cheng can process anything, Wen Qing puts him--a coreless torture victim--into a coma.

(Does anyone else think about how hungry he was when he woke up! How weak his legs were! How many aches he had deep in his bones!! While Wei Wuxian lied to him over and over again that his core could be restored?)

Jiang Cheng is blindfolded and pretending to be someone else the next time Wen Ning sees him. Wen Ning stays silent, but what was he thinking? He'd had those days of bonding and planning with Wei Wuxian, those days of travel with Wen Qing, to think about what was going to happen to Wei Wuxian. He knew about damage to lower dantians, and how most people don't recover. He knew, too, that Wei Wuxian was insistent that Jiang Cheng needed his cultivation to live; that Jiang Cheng is so competitive that he'd never be able to survive like this; because that's what Wei Wuxian told him.

Wen Ning doesn't know the dynamic between Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian is, at its best, best friends/brothers/sword and shield; he doesn't know they finish each other's sentences and protect each other from harm. Wen Ning, raised as the meek brother of a favored maternal cousin to Wen Ruohan, has seen every vice of the powerful. Does he look at Wei Wuxian and see a livelier Wen Zhuliu, equally bound to serve Jiang Cheng regardless of his own morals and thoughts? Does he look at Jiang Cheng and see a more circumspect Wen Chao?

What a perfect, tragic form of fealty it must have seemed to him. How noble and giving of Wei Wuxian, to not even want credit! Especially to give anything to him, that awful loud boy bursting with pride. (Different of course from Wei Wuxian's pride, since Wei Wuxian is so marvelous!)

Then, what, maybe Wen Ning is conscious while chengxian break up, and Jiang Cheng says Wei Wuxian would probably only have to give up some of the Wen remnants to save the rest? Wen Ning doesn't know that Jiang Cheng tried to defend Wei Wuxian to the other sects, and he certainly doesn't know that Jiang Cheng had no idea what had become of the Wen. He doesn't know that Jiang Cheng, who had barely been conscious, still remembered who had helped him; still spoke up for the Wen siblings. If he was aware under those talismans, what must he think of the man Wei Wuxian endured days of torment for?

Wei Wuxian and Wen Ning handle night hunts for the next year to earn money for the Wen survivors. During that year, Jiang Cheng brings Yanli in her wedding clothes; and he insists that Wen Ning leave. Wen Ning, carefully carrying a warm bowl of soup, gives them privacy.

Then Wei Wuxian, wielding Wen Ning like a sword, destroys Jiang Yanli's happiness and takes it out on his sword. Does Wen Ning blame himself, too? Does he think of that warm soup and the kind eyes of the woman who shared it with him as Wei Wuxian beats him over and over?

Is it any wonder Wen Ning walks, resentment quiescent, to what should have been the destruction of what was left of his soul?

Wen Ning remains, only to be tormented, his will subdued. Jiang Cheng remains, too, wandering the world for answers only Wei Wuxian or Wen Ning could give.

Their, what, fifth fucking meeting? Wen Ning disobeys his master; Jiang Cheng gets his answers.

And then they watch over each other's nephews.

(The nephew it's implied Jiang Cheng knows damn well is Wen Yuan from the beginning.)

(The nephew Wen Ning ends the novel shielding from the same harm that orphaned him.)

How could I not be compelled by them?

[bittersweet-folder]

~□♡ Tipsy under the moonlight 🌕

~ Wen Junhui x reader ~

~ little bit suggestive but overall fluff, friends to lovers, university au hence both Jun and reader are 18+

• Word count: 2394 words • Masterlist •

Song rec: falling for you by boywithuke// crush by Tessa Violet // fall in love alone by Stacey Ryan// bad ideas by Tessa Violet // i wanna be yours by Arctic monkeys

You were sitting on your bed quietly, going through the reading material your professor has recommended y'all in the class. Minghao came to your house, more like you dragged him to your house to help you out with any difficulties you might face with the reading material. He was sitting quietly beside your bed scrolling through his phone.

"You do realize that going to a damn housewarming party won't hurt you right? Just our friends would be there and no one else whom you don't know and you know how Soekmin prefers known people in his party so it would be more fun" Minghao's voice had a lingering sense of irritation after making you understand the umpteenth time that it was okay to take a break even if the semester exams were like two weeks after. But the problem was that your last semester paper didn't go well and part of you was way too anxious about what might happen next.

"Hao can't you go and meditate for a while? You sound very irritated and we have talked about this on our way back to my home. I ain't a baby, I'll see what I can do" You said shifting your gaze to face him.

"I ain't a baby my ass you need a break you nerd, you won't be any less of a nerd if you take a break" he mocked you.

"HEY! THAT'S VERY RUDE OF YOU TO SAY" you shouted and threw a pillow at him.

That's when your mom entered the room.

One, because you shouted and she hurried even more.

Two, because Jun came.

It was an awkward moment which turned you even more anxious because your mom was now glaring at you and Jun was staring at you trying to hold back his laughter.

" y/n, honey mind explaining to me what is going on" your mom had a fake smile plastered on her lips.

"Aunty it's alright and it's just some friendly banter nothing else" Minghao added "and we were talking about the fact that Seokmin has invited his friends to his housewarming party tomorrow. And few of y/n's friends would be there and our friends would be there too and most probably some of them would stay at his place at night as well". Minghao said.

"Ahh that's lovely you should go y/n/n"

"Mom not my nickname-"

"Anyways Jun told me you called him at your place so here he is"

"Hello!" Jun waved and flashed a smile towards you. And hell that smile made you feel so many things. But you didn't call him. What is he doing here?

"Hi" your voice was soft.

"Okay anyways I'm leaving" your mom announces as she leaves, with the door wide open, of course.

Jun comes up and plops himself beside you on the bed and looks at you.

"Well it was Hao who texted me to come to your place and save him from the horrors of teaching you because you dragged him to help you out with studies". Jun said nonchalantly staring straight into your eyes.

You blush in embarrassment. " Well yeah I did"

"And I think you should take a break as well, you know. I know you are stressed out but please don't be so hard on yourself" Jun sounded concerned.

You pondered for a minute while still staring at him. And most definitely cursing Minghao to invite someone who's literally your crush.

"Okay fine!" You stood up with your books in your hand to keep them back on the shelf. Jun followed you. You keep your books and turn back only to face him.

"Jun, what are you? A duckling?"

He giggled and leaned over. You felt your cheeks starting to burn up.

"Guys? Right in front of my tea? I'm still sitting here" Minghao said, petrified enough to witness his best friend leaning over a girl, probably to kiss her right in front of him. Jun turned around and you both looked at him.

"Dude you have no tea to start with you know-" you just said it out loud outta irritation because Jun was so close to you yet Hao third wheeled in. Jun started laughing.

"Wow okay I'll go and tell aunty to make some tea for me" And with that Minghao went outta your room. There was a moment of silence. Jun turned around and looked at you.

"So umm is it okay if I pick you up tomorrow from your house then we'll head to Seokmin's house together" Jun was calm yet there was a hint of nervousness in his voice.

You were taken back because this was the first time that the Wen Junhui, the one whom you have a crush on for months now, has asked you out? What should you call it though you don't know but you were both nervous and excited about it.

"Umm yeahh of course. There's no problem with that" you said with your gaze shifting down gradually.

He smiled. "Alright then I'm glad to hear that, I'll be here at 7 in the evening tomorrow"

"Okay!" you flashed a warm smile at him. And he'd be lying if that didn't melt his heart.

Next day:

"Fuck fuckkkkk I'll be late" You were pacing around in your room keeping things back and searching for your eyeliner.

"Mom! MOM where's my eyeliner!?" You shouted in your room. She didn't respond, and came to your room instead handing you her eyeliner.

"Calm down, will you?" She patted your head.

"Okay sorry" You pouted. You put on your eyeliner.

"Okayyyy I'm done!"

You looked at yourself in the mirror satisfied with your simple get up. The clock ticked 7pm and just then you both heard the doorbell ring.

"What a timing your lover boy has huh"

your mom said, smirking at you. She knew about your crush you had.

"Mom seriously!? Not now!" you whined. You went down stairs. Slid on your shoes and then opened the door.

Jun was there standing in a black polo shirt and wide legged jeans with black and white pattern and….a small bouquet of roses? He looked at you. His ears turned red on how pretty you looked. "Why do you have to look so pretty every damn time? Guess you don't even know how hard it is for me to not take my eyes away from you" He thought.

"You look really pretty in this floral dress and umm i don't know if I'm being too much but i bought some flowers for you" Jun held the bouquet in front of you. There were five red roses with baby's breath surrounding them, wrapped up with a pretty newspaper and black bow.

"That's so sweet of you Jun" You smiled and took the flowers.

Your mom cleared her throat and made you both know about her presence.

"Okay so enjoy the party two of you"

"We will" You both said in unison and looked at each other and giggled. And you went out. With the bouquet in your hand of course. Jun and you took the bus and then walked a short distance and reached Seokmin's house. You both chit chatted about various things on your way. You rang the doorbell and to your surprise it was Joshua who opened it.

"Hello there! Lovebirds" Joshua said with his usual sunshine radiant smile.

"JOSHUAA! we aren't dating-" You said being flustered with the sudden lovebird comment

"yet. Anyways come in"

"Seems like you are dating though Shua, you know the crush you have on Seokmin~ we all can clearly see that~ '' Jun said with a smirk and wiggled his eyebrows.

Joshua was blushing now. "Okay chill jesus christ-"

You were giggling.

"Spill the tea! why are you laughing y/n! " An energetic and curious Soonyoung popped out of the blue.

"Okay I'll spill the tea, let's go inside!"

"Yayyyyyyy!" Soonyoung definitely sounded eager.

"Y/N! JUN! WELCOME TO MY NEW HOUSE~~" Seokmin chirped. He wrapped both you and Jun into a big hug. You both hugged back.

"Seokminie's hugs are always so warm" You giggled as you looked up to Seokmin. What you didn't know was Jun taking a short glance at you while you said that. He was clearly jealous especially at the nickname.

"Okay so let's go to the drawing room. Also, all the drinks and food are in the kitchen. Suit yourself with any of them you like."

"Okay if we are drinking then some people have to be sober enough look after the drunk maniacs"

"Exactly and especially Soonyoung, Kwannie and Hao"

"You too you know"

Seokmin was definitely embarrassed because he has had created drunk disasters before partnering up with Soonyoung.

"Dokyeomyaa!! come here for a second please" It was Joshua.

"Gotta go!" and with that he went.

"So you wanna grab some drinks first?" Jun asked.

"Yesss let's go"

"Someone's excited" he said and then smirked.

"I mean of course it's been a while"

You and Jun headed towards the kitchen. You met Soonyoung and Liya (your close friend) in the kitchen.

"Liyaaaa! Hello!!"

Liya jumped off the kitchen counter and hugged you.

"You look damn pretty y/n"

"You too honey"

"Wait a sec. roses?"

This was awkward because you took the roses with you just so your mom doesn't tease you later that you have Jun as your boyfriend when you don't.

"I gave it to her," Jun interrupted. You turned around. He was now seated on the dinner table's chair in a manspreading position. If that question didn't make your face flushed up, his answer did. Especially the way he sat. "Pretty nice thighs you have huh? makes me wanna sit on your lap but guess you don't even know how you make me feel about you" you thought to yourself. And to your horror, he did take notice of your flushed up face.

"Are you guys dating?" Liya asked bluntly while Soonyoung was munching on some chips intently watching whatever was happening in front of him.

"Uhhh- "

"No we aren't" you were interrupted by Jun.

"Ohhh" Soonyoung and Liya said in unison.

Your expression kinda dropped after hearing this. What was that bouquet for then? Why would he lean over like that? What about those notes slipped in those graphic novels which he borrowed from you?. Soonyoung and Liya left the kitchen after the music was turned on. Liya asked you if you wanna join but you turned that down. Your lips were pressed in a thin line. You looked at Jun and then went to the kitchen counter. The moon was up tonight, mesmerizing as always. You could see it from the glass window. The kitchen was dimly lit and the moonlight was visible from the window.

"Seokminie literally got hold of so many soju bottles for real. I just hope he doesn't get caught for this" You said to Jun with your back still facing him. You poured yourself some in a small paper cup. After five shots you felt someone was standing behind you.

"Don't drink too much or else I have to give you a piggyback ride to home" Jun let out a chuckle after saying this.

"Okay! Fine" You pouted.

"Can I hug you y/n?"

The question caught you off guard.

"Yeah you can.." you said softly.

He wrapped you up in a back hug with one hand around your neck and the other around your stomach with his chin resting on your shoulder. Blood rushed through your cheeks as you felt butterflies erupting on your stomach. Your shoulders tensed up.

"Are my hugs warm too?" Jun whispered beside your ear.

It suddenly clicks in on why he asked you this. You turned around and faced him, his hands now resting around your waist.

"Ain't no way you're jealous of Seokmin-"

"Yes I am and I am jealous of how he has a nickname given by you" Jun cut you off mid sentence. You looked away. Did the friend whom you have a liking on, just confessed that he's jealous over you complimenting one of your mutual friends? . Oh yes he did.

"Y/n?"

"Yeahh?" You looked at him and made an eye contact. Never in your life you thought Jun would be talking about all this outta the blue in your friend's housewarming party. But here you were pinned against the kitchen counter with hands around your waist looking at you with such softness in his eyes.

"I like you okay? Your smile makes my day. I love it when you recommend to me your favorite graphic novels. You're so cute when you get all confused while studying. Really love it when you listen to all my playlists and like them too. I don't know if you feel the same or if you're ready for a relationship. I'll respect any decision you take and.. I like you y/n I really mean it."

You hugged him burying your face on his chest. Jun's face was flushed because of that.

"Your hugs are warm, so is your presence. You're funny too. I really love your laughter" you smiled "really love those notes you slip through those novels, love your playlists and I like you too" You confessed and then you looked at him. It felt slightly dizzy, more like close to feeling tipsy this time your face eventually warming up.

Slowly Jun leaned in and got closer to your face.

"You're okay with kissing?" A hint of desire dripped from his words.

"Yes, I am"

With that you placed your lips on his. His lips were soft. They moved at a steady yet slow pace with your lips. There was a lingering taste of soju on his lips. He was pulling you closer,chest pressed against each other smiling into the kiss. You wrapped your arms around his neck while one of your hands caressed his hair. One of his hands was around your waist while the other on your back. He was melting into the kiss. After a while you pulled away breathless.

"Can't believe I have such a pretty girlfriend now," Jun grinned.

"Wasn't Joshua soo right about predicting us dating Junnie" . His ears perked up with the given nickname.

"I like the new nickname and yeah he certainly was" he chirped as you let out a chuckle.

.・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。.●.・✫・。.

a/n: ik it's long but well I can't help it. Lol.

[withthewindinherfootsteps]

Wei Wuxian and the nice, broad road: or, part two of why constantly self-sacrificial Wei Wuxian takes bother me so much (part one part three):

(Long post ahead)

Something that’s very prevalent in self-sacrificial Wei Wuxian takes, or self-sacrificial takes on any character, is that they’re not only self-sacrificial… they’re also an idiot. As in, they don’t think things through, the first impulse they have when they see anyone in danger is to throw themselves in front of them even if there’s a way that means neither have to get hurt, and even if that person’s not in any serious danger at all. And that combines with the common take of self-hatred and extremely low self-worth to form the image of someone who’ll throw themselves recklessly at any danger with no consideration for any consequences or alternate paths, and are almost seeking to throw their life away.

The thing with Wei Wuxian, though, is that he’s not seeking to throw his life away at any given moment. And, more importantly to this meta, he’s clever and he’s capable. If he can find another way out of it, and the majority of the time he probably can, he’ll choose that option. What I’m trying to say is that, if he sees someone being ambushed by a monster, he’ll distract it, fight it himself, and almost always win. He won’t throw himself in front of its claws. 

However, the problem that arises with the story of MDZS is that there is no other way out. The thing endangering those under his protection isn’t some monster he can fight, it’s the corrupt structure of the society itself. Those in power are only able to manipulate its threads by virtue of their birth and therefore status (almost everyone), or in rare cases by using that structure to your own advantage and engaging in very corrupt methods to clear your path to the top (Jin Guangyao). And neither of those are an option for Wei Wuxian, the ‘son of a servant’ who will never join in with that corruption. 

(And he isn’t the only person we see in this situation. We see the same thing with Mianmian, and she can’t oppose this either — the best thing she can do is walk away.)

Wei Wuxian actually summarised his situation very clearly, when talking to Lan Wangji at the Burial Mounds:

A moment later, Wei WuXian spoke up, “Lan Zhan, you asked me if I intended on staying like this from now on. To be honest, I’d like to ask something as well. What can I do apart from this?” He continued, “Give up the demonic path? Then what about the people on this mountain? “Give them up? I won’t be able to do it. I believe that if you were I, you wouldn’t be able to do it either.” He continued, “Nobody can give me a nice, broad road to walk on. A road where I could protect those I want to protect without having to cultivate the ghostly path.” Lan WangJi gazed at him. He didn’t reply, but both of them knew the answer in their hearts. There was no such road. No solution existed.

- Chapter 75, EXR translation 

This is in regard to Wei Wuxian’s demonic cultivation, but the same rings true for everything else he does at cost to himself in the story. Not sacrifice his Golden Core? Then Jiang Cheng, whose whole sense of self-worth was dependent on being a cultivator, would waste away with no spiritual power and no will to live*. Not save the Wen remnants? Then they’d stay in the labour camp and live and die in horrendous conditions. Not painting the spirit attraction mark on himself to save everyone else at the Second Siege? Then they’d die, because what else could be done? And it’s important to know that he didn’t do it alone here, he had Lan Wangji help defend him as well.

So he technically did have an option every time, yes. But that one option was letting others get hurt, and he’s not going to do that. There was no third path. There was no nice, broad road.

But we see that that broad road is very much one Wei Wuxian would like to walk on.

Wei WuXian smiled, “Why would I leave the nice, broad road, and walk on a single-plank bridge on a dark, narrow river instead? If it really is that easy, people would have already walked on it.”

- Chapter 14, EXR

Again, this refers to demonic cultivation. And again, this can be adapted to every other action he takes. Because there are plenty of situations when there is a third option. And in those cases, he finds the way around it! Wei Wuxian is incredibly smart, incredibly creative, and an incredibly quick thinker — none of us in the fandom should forget that.

And thankfully, there are examples of this in the text. Let’s take a closer look at one specifically: defending Mianmian in the Xuanwu’s cave**, and stopping her being used as bait.

(Long passage ahead)

Watching his subordinates fight with [Lan Wangji and Jin Zixuan], Wen Chao looked as if his mood was much better. He spat, “Talking back to me—what did you think you are? People like you really do deserve to be killed.”

A grinning voice came from the side, “That’s right. All those who oppress others and do evil relying on the power of their clan should be killed. Not only that, they should be beheaded for tens of thousands to revile so that those to come would beware.” Hearing this, Wen Chao spun around, “What did you say?” Wei WuXian pretended to be surprised, “Do you need me to repeat it? Sure. All those who oppress others and do evil relying on the power of their clan should be killed. Not only that, they should be beheaded for tens of thousands to revile so that those to come would beware. You heard it this time?” Hearing this, Wen ZhuLiu seemed to ponder as he glanced at Wei WuXian. Wen Chao erupted, “How dare you say such absurd, outrageous, and pretentious words!” Wei WuXian first lifted the corners of his mouth with a ‘pfft’, then immediately burst into unbridled laughter. Under everyone’s shocked eyes, he laughed so hard that he was out of breath, clutching Jiang Cheng’s shoulder as he spoke, “Absurd? Outrageous? I’d say you’re the one who’s all of those! Wen Chao, do you know who was the one that said those words? I’m sure you don’t, do you? Let me tell you. This was said by the most, most, most famous cultivator of your sect, the one who founded the entire thing, Wen Mao. You dared say that one of your ancestor’s remarks are absurd and outrageous? Well said, very well said! Ahahahahaha…” Within the Quintessence of the Wen Sect that had been given out, even the most ordinary of smalltalk comments could be analyzed over and over, their deep meanings boasted with exceptional extravagance. Let alone memorizing it well, Wei WuXian felt disgusted after just flipping through its pages. However, he found this quote of Wen Mao’s quite ironic, which was why he could recall it with ease. Wen Chao’s complexion switched between red and white. Wei WuXian added, “Right, what was the accusation given to those who insult famous cultivators of the Wen Sect again? How should they be punished? I remember that it was execution, right? Yes, very well, you can go die now.” Wen Chao couldn’t hold himself back any longer, unsheathing his sword and lunging at Wei WuXian. With that, he lunged out of Wen ZhuLiu’s range of protection. Wen ZhuLiu had always been used to defending against the attacks of others. He had never expected Wen Chao to leave by his own will. Facing the sudden difficulty, he somehow couldn’t react in time. On the other hand, as Wei WuXian provoked Wen Chao, he was precisely waiting for the moment of uncontrollable rage. The smile by his lips didn’t falter at all as he attacked with the speed of lightning. In a split second, he had snatched the sword and reversed the situation, subduing Wen Chao with just one move! One hand gripping Wen Chao, he leaped a few times and landed on one of the islets above the pool, keeping his distance from Wen ZhuLiu. With his other hand he pressed the sword onto Wen Chao’s neck, warning, “Nobody move. If you’re not careful, I might just decide to let some blood out of your Young Master Wen!” Wen Chao screeched, “Stop moving! Stop moving!” The disciples surrounding Lan WangJi and Jin ZiXuan finally ceased their attacks. Wei WuXian shouted, “Core-melting Hand, you’re not moving either! You know how the temper of the Wen Sect’s leader is. Your master is in my hand. If he loses just one drop of blood, then not one of the people here should hope to live on, including you!” Wen ZhuLiu put his arms down as Wei WuXian had expected. Seeing that the situation was under control, Wei WuXian was about to speak when he suddenly felt that the entire ground below him had trembled.

- Chapter 52, EXR 

Important things to take away? Firstly, it’s Lan Wangji and Jin Zixuan who are the ones standing in front of the metaphorical (and literal) blades here, risking their own well-being and health for someone else to protect them directly. That’s their first instinct. Wei Wuxian’s is not***. His thought process is this: taunt and enrage Wen Chao, the powerless person in charge, into leaving the protection of the actually powerful person everyone’s scared of, and then use the opportunity of him being undefended to use him as leverage to get Mianmian free****. And he succeeds in that! It wasn’t his fault he didn’t know about the Xuanwu’s presence, the Wen clan were very deliberately keeping that information a secret.

That is very well thought through, especially for such a short timespan, and especially considering the actions of the only other two people who tried to protect Mianmian — a protective stand-off that they very probably could not win, with the likes of Wen Zhuliu around. I repeat: they are the ones standing in the way of the blade here. Wei Wuxian is not. This is what Wei Wuxian does in situations like these, this is how he solves problems! He’s not unthinkingly reckless, he is not a self-sacrificial idiot.

…not that I’m saying Lan Wangji is one either, but he’s never portrayed as one anyway.

And just for the fun on it, let’s take a look at the branding scene too, to see if we can pick anything else up:

Just as he was about to let go, a cry suddenly came from behind him. The cry was full of fear. Turning around, Wei WuXian saw Wang LingJiao give orders to three servants. Two of them brutishly held MianMian in place, clenching her face, while the other raised the branding iron in his hand and thrusted it toward her face! The tip of the iron was so heated that it sizzled and shone with red light. Wei WuXian was some distance away from them. Seeing what was happening, he immediately shifted the direction of the arrows and let go of the string. The three arrows shot out at once and hit each of the three people. Without making a noise, they fell backward onto the ground. Yet, before the bowstring even ceased to vibrate, Wang LingJiao suddenly grabbed the iron that had fallen as well. Gripping MianMian’s hair, she again shoved it toward her face! Even though Wang LingJiao’s level of cultivation was extremely low, her move was both swift and cruel. If she really did it, even if MianMian could keep her eye, her face would be completely ruined. A woman like her, even under such dangerous circumstances where people were prepared to flee at a moment’s notice, still kept her persistent thoughts of harming others! All of the other disciples were setting up their arrows, handling the beast with all of their attention. Nobody was near these two. There were no more arrows on Wei WuXian and there wasn’t enough time to grab someone else’s. Under the urgency of these circumstances, he rushed over, one hand striking away the arm that Wang LingJiao grabbed MianMian’s hair with and the other landing forcefully at her chest. Having undertaken the strike, Wang LingJiao heaved up a mouthful of blood and flew backward. However, the tip of the iron had already pressed onto Wei WuXian’s chest.

- Chapter 53, EXR

…as you can see, there’s a lot more to this than blindly rushing in front of the branding iron. Again, what can we take from this?

One, Wei Wuxian’s first instinct, again, is not to take the strike directly. He shoots the three servants holding down and actively trying to brand Mianmian, eliminating the threat to her. Wang Lingjiao at the time was just giving orders, she wasn’t an active threat — everyone else was fighting the Xuanwu, there was nobody else to give orders to.

But, surprising him, Wang Lingjiao immediately picks up the branding iron. And, like the servant, she aims it at Mianmian’s face. As Wei Wuxian remarks later, that’s a mark she couldn’t hide — her face would be ruined forever, and considering the setting of this world where marriage is extremely important to women society-wise, it would have lasting consequences for Mianmian’s whole life. Marks to the chest, at least you can hide.

And nobody else is focusing on Mianmian, and there’s no time for Wei Wuxian to call for help from anyone else. Ranged attacks aren’t an option, since he’s out of arrows. And only then does he rush straight to Mianmian, to save her directly.

And even then his first thought isn’t to throw himself in front of the iron! His aim in that instance is to strike the iron away from Wang Lingjiao, and to strike Wang Lingjiao away from Mianmian. And during that time, because both hands were occupied, the iron strikes his chest, and he gets the brand mark. Taking it for Mianmian was not the main aim here — though he was willing to risk it.

So, what do we learn from this?

Wei Wuxian’s first instinct is not to put himself in danger to help others. It’s to get the danger away from the one in danger, and then deal with it himself — something fully within his capabilities.

He admits he’s talking “nonsense” when telling Lan Qiren about demonic cultivation for the first time, probably to get himself kicked out of class, but what he says is actually very true when it comes to how Wei Wuxian generally solves problems.

Wei WuXian replied, “There are some things that have no use after liberation, so why not find a way to make use of them? When Yu the Great tamed the flood, obstruction was the inferior method, and redirection was the superior.

- Chapter 14, EXR

He doesn’t stand right in front of it, he doesn’t directly obstruct it from reaching its target by standing in-between the two. He redirects it to somewhere else.

And this pattern rings true throughout the book. Dealing with the fierce corpse of Madam Mo? Use his own corpses to get her attention instead. Same rings for the Dancing Goddess of Dafan Mountain, who’s currently advancing on Jin Ling? Same thing, summoning corpses — he doesn’t attempt to place himself in its way. He’s someone who thinks around the issue, calculates a plan (in a very short time, may I add), and much more often than not, succeeds! He’s willing to risk his life, but that is not the primary aim. Of course, when there are only two options — directly protecting or letting others get hurt — he chooses to protect. And since that is the case with his two biggest decisions in the story, so many people see that as his default instinct when it comes to dangerous situations. But when there is a nice, broad road to walk on, where nobody at all gets hurt, he finds that, and follows it, gladly. 

Wei Wuxian is not a self-sacrificial idiot. He’s a clever, righteous person who’s willing to sacrifice his life for others, but who can and will take another option if one exists. The two are not in any way the same.

—

*I feel like this is an important part of the core transfer that’s overlooked, actually — it’s not just “your core is worth more than mine”, (although with the Jiang parents’ promise to protect Jiang Cheng at all costs, a similar mindset may have played a part in this one specific scenario), it’s “your self-worth and meaning of life derives entirely on your core and being a good cultivator, whereas I can live for and enjoy more than that, and won’t utterly lose my will to live if I can’t cultivate, unlike you”. And for all it hurts, he ends up being right (and even invents a whole new path of cultivation out of necessity). That isn’t saying the sacrifice isn’t emotionally painful for Wei Wuxian, though, it is a lot, and we saw that with his thoughts on it at the Guanyin Temple. 

**I also wanted to talk a bit about him defeating the Xuanwu with Lan Wangji, but I couldn’t find anywhere to fit it in. Similar to the Golden Core thing, him distracting it while Lan Wangji did the killing isn’t a “your life is worth more than mine” thing. Lan Wangji was the only one who knew the Chord Assassination technique, which was the only way either of them could think to kill the Xuanwu, as any weapons were useless. In addition to that, Lan Wanji’s leg was injured, so he couldn’t swim anyway. The only option left was for Wei Wuxian to distract it, and he was capable enough to survive! And yes, it was dangerous, but the mindset of both of them in that moment was that they had no way of knowing help would come for them, and that their only chance of escape by themselves was to kill the Xuanwu — and you might as well kill it before you die, anyway. For all they knew, both of them would have died if he hadn’t done that, and so whatever happened was worth it. This is not a mindless ‘your life before mine’ mindset, he thought this through. 

***He actually did instinctively twitch a little as if to move when Mianmian was being surrounded, but Jiang Cheng held him back. However, he's a much stronger cultivator than Jiang Cheng at this point, and could have easily broken out of his grasp to directly protect Mianmian had he wished to. But he didn't choose that option, and decided, very quickly, to instead do what we see here. As @/rynne pointed out (thank you very much!), that's a clear moment when he's faced with a choice to be self-sacrificial, or solve the problem another way. And he decidedly chooses the latter.

****Actually, Wei Wuxian taunts others into accomplishing his goals quite a lot. He’s not a long-game manipulator like Jin Guangyao or Nie Huaisang, but playing on their emotions to get the result you want in the short term? Look at Lan Wangji and the destruction of the porn book, look at Lan Qiren and getting kicked out of his the class in the Cloud Recesses (when talking about using resentful energy, his own thoughts tell us he’s talking “nonsense”, and clearly wanted to leave the class — this was likely a bid to to just that), look at taunting Xue Yang into talking so he reveals his location in the mists of Yi City. I hardly ever see him doing this in fanon, which is kind of sad, because it’s very interesting definitely something he uses to solve problems (and something people could very well use instead of throwing himself in front of everything!)… and if we have to go there, no, I don’t think that makes him ‘morally grey’ either.

[ctl-yuejie]

10 BL men I want carnally (or so the title goes)

really ristricted myself to the roles + only men (otherwise this would take me days to compile) - I will be taking the "carnally" seriously.

tagged by @williamrikers and @bengiyo (I believe) <3

Gong Jun as Xia Yao in Advance Bravely

listen, I am focusing on the roles but also: it's Gong Jun - one of the most gorgeous men I have ever seen. He is both feisty and baby in this. I do like hunky men, I like short kings. But from time to time I feel like sparring with a tall guy who I can later bully in bed. And he is also bratty and pouty in this series and gets spanked. I think I can work with that.

2. Mark Pakin as Nick in Only Friends

I think I have said enough that Boston is a dick and also that I can see my younger self in him. So with Mark's *gestures wildly* everything, Nick clearly falls into the most gorgeous men alive category that I also want to make cry in bed. We know Boston is great at sex. But he also stuck with Nick, so I really want to know what he can do. He should probably ride me.

3. Mix Sahaphab as Wen in Moonlight Chicken

besides Mix being stunning, both in terms of looks and in terms of character Wen is not someone I would usually go for. But he has sensuality down, and that first look at Uncle Jim had Uncle Jim feeling a specific type of way and agree to take him home with him and I cannot argue with that. And I do like a guy who can do a one night stand.

4. Tay Tawan as Shin in 3 Will Be Free

why are you, as a man, holding a guys waist while craning your head to get all the french kisses? well, you could be Tay Tawan as Shin. Both beautiful and oh so moody and brooding when you think your first crush is into the the stunning women at your side. This is the perfect threesome and I would very much like to be part of it.

5. Joong Archen as Joke in Hidden Agenda

whatever this series was and despite his character being a bit underwritten, one thing the writing team made sure of was to let us know that Joke can arrange your body in any way he wants. he's both very caring and soft which doesn't quite fit the intensity of the "carnally" theme, but just watching him lift Zo up gives me so many ideas to what else he can do. and he said himself, that sex with him is going to make you feel very good.

6. Fandy Fan as Hsia Yu Hao and Zach Lu as Qiu Ziu Xuan in Crossing the Line

both stunning. I appreciate that Hsia Yu Hao dreams of getting dominated a bit and while they are young and inexperienced the electricity in the shower room scene gives me all the confidence that they both know what to do. Plus points for the possibilities to fuck all over the gym when you're young and horny and don't care that much about the mood of a place.

7. Net Siraphob as King in Bed Friend

do I still have to watch the show? yes. but just by looking at the gifsets I am very certain that he should be at the top of any "desiring carnally" list. he is cocky, knows what to do with his hands, has some great moves (that bed jump), is kinky and his eyes convey how much he loves to fuck and how turned on he is at all times. he also seems very sweet and caring. even I would consider him as boyfriend material. and that is wildly out of the norm.

8. Kouhei Takeda as Nozue and Kimura Tatsunari as Togawa in Oldfashion Cupcake

you just know that they are great at sex, even before the infamous thumb scene. the sensuality, the amount of pent-up horniness togawa brings to the table. and while he probably hasn't gotten laid for some time i get the feeling that nozue is naturally good in bed once he feels comfortable in his body. they would make for some really great slow and dirty saturday evening sex.

9. Boss Chaikamon as Phayu in Love in The Air

yes, this is Boss being an excellent kisser but that makes it canon for Phayu in the show. Usually not that into getting dommed necessarily but oh boy would I make an exception for him. (Prapai and his beagle energy and sex at the workplace was a hot contender though).

10. Gap Jakarin as Yai in The Sign

cannot believe I only now arrived at a himbo character but here he is. you could offer to ride him and he would say thank you and maybe shed a little tear about it. maybe not the best technique but definitely the energy to balance it out.

honorary mentions: Daddy Dan (Papang Phromphiriya) in Only Friends...maybe not the most adventerous but he is very charming and a great kisser, Daddy Chan (Peter Knight) in KinnPorsche ...while the whole cast is stupidly hot all characters would annoy me too much to even consider for a one night stand. daddy chan however..., Time (JJ Chalach) in KinnPorsche that being said..he cheats on the most beautiful being that is Tay who still sticks with him so I guess the dick has to be fantastic

tagging everyone who wants to have a go!

[shortpplfedup]

Chapter 4: The Midnight of Lifetime

Oy what a mess. Alan fully enters the story in this ep and we start to understand exactly what the hell is going on there. Newsflash: it's as heartbreaking as everything else in this show. We're at the halfway mark now, all the pins have been set up and it's time to start knocking them down one by one, because now we're invested.

We still don't know the inciting incident for the cold war between Wen and Alan, nor why they're still sharing a life despite being very clearly over, but we can guess at some of it. Wen's talked about living paycheque to paycheque, so it's very likely when the relationship ended he couldn't afford to move out. Alan is still trying to save the relationship, so he probably hoped that by letting Wen stay, proximity would breed forgiveness for whatever transgression he committed. It seems like partly for the sake of appearances, and partly in the hope that Wen will relent, he's asked Wen to conceal their breakup as part of the deal. Wen meeting somebody new is the destruction of all of Alan's hopes of reconciliation. Of course he would freak the fuck out. The whole thing's rotten, as resentment is heaped atop resentment, misery atop misery.

Meeting Jim was clearly a catalysing event for Wen. It's like he was sleepwalking and that night with Jim was a bucket of cold water dashed into his face. And every day since, every day he watches Jim live his life trying to do the best he can by the people he loves, he craves more and more to be one of those people. A situation that was unpleasant yet manageable has now become untenable, because he's seen how things could be. I appreciate that he didn't want to bring his mess to Jim's door, especially because 'complicated' is his line in the sand, but by not telling him anything he let him get blindsided instead. Wen's dad and Gong both warned him not to cross the streams, but he couldn't stay away from Jim until he could get away from Alan, he just couldn't.

To be fair to Wen though, he's not the only one who complicated things. Jim did that when he hired Wen, when he brought him into his little family even as he knew how Wen felt about him. Jim's a bit unfair, he clearly wants Wen around, he wants him in his life, but only on his terms, where he never has to risk his own feelings. He's clearly traumatised by what happened with Beam, to the point that he can't even contemplate a relationship that is both familial and romantic with Wen. In his mind, he gets to have one or the other but never both. Alan showing up shatters the illusion of a neat and uncomplicated divide between Uncle Jim and Jim the man. Because he shouldn't care right, there isn't anything between him and Wen. But he does care, very much.

That divide between Uncle Jim and Jim the man is also at the crux of his ongoing battle with Li Ming. I wonder how long Li Ming has been living with Jim, and why he's there and not with his mom. Jim named him, and he would've been about twenty when he was born, old enough to have some hand in his early raising. It's clear Li Ming sees him as a father figure; as much as they fight and argue, when Jim lays down the law Li Ming is immediately contrite. He respects Jim, he knows Jim cares, he knows Jim is trying. But he also sees the ways in which Jim has given up on himself and it makes him angry, especially at the idea that Jim did that for him. Nobody wants to be thought of as someone's burden to bear. And Jim's so focused on Li Ming's future he's lost sight of the present, of what both he and Li Ming need now. I don't dream he told Wen, you think Li Ming can't see that? That he's given up Jim the man to be Uncle Jim? Think he doesn't internalise it, feel it, blame himself for it? Li Ming doesn't want to be the reason Jim works himself to death in that diner, living hand to mouth.

Li Ming's frustration with his uncle is in such clear contrast to the patience, the unending patience he has with Heart. In a way I suppose it's easier, because Heart doesn't ask anything of him, unlike the mountain of expectations from Jim. Them waking up together was so darling, the way they were just soft and silly with each other, how they're not too worried about defining what's happening between them, just understanding that they care deeply for each other and they're attracted to each other and they want to see each other happy. Heart pulling Li Ming out of his funk was so beautiful, because it reiterates that this isn't one-sided, Heart can do things for Li Ming too. I know Li Ming starting to sneak Heart out of the house is going to come back and bite them hard, but it made me cry that he took this risk to give Heart community, to give him people to talk to who could understand him. Because Li Ming gets that Heart needs more than just him. As much as he cares he can't translate the world for him. Heart needs to be able to be independent to be free, and Li Ming doesn't know anything about it, so he goes to people who do. And then he also asks what he needs to do for Heart as well as seeing what Heart needs to do for himself and...these two are breaking me, I'm telling you.

Side Dishes

I appreciate Gong being a Gym Gay, we don't get enough of those in BL.

I really like the energy and chemistry between Earth and Papang whenever we flash back to Jim and Beam's relationship.

The passage of time in this show is neatly marked by the holidays, and it is proceeding apace. This ep spans from the morning after Loy Krathong to Christmas Eve, almost 2 months!

Please don't let Saleng have pawned Praew's dowry...

Oh no it seems like Ms. Hong is sick...what is Gaipa going to do it if he loses his mom?

Has Li Ming asked Heart to go abroad with him? Is that why Heart has the flyer?

Next week it looks like all the bubbles everybody's been living in are going to start popping one by one. I have a knot in my stomach just thinking of the fallout from that motorcycle accident.

[doyou000me]

Part 3: No Disappointment Without Expectations

“If I expect nothing, I won’t be disappointed.” 

This is not a quote from the book. Worded precisely like this, it might not be a quote from anywhere, but it’s a mentality and approach to life that I’ve encountered several times in different forms of media. It’s a coping mechanism, a way to ward yourself against a life and a world that keeps letting you down. It’s a wall built around a heart that has taken one blow too many. 

It is what Young does. He has learnt not to expect things, not to let things get too close, and the more we see of him, the more we learn about his life, the clearer it becomes. He has learnt to never expect his mother to see him, understand him, accept him or apologise to him. He has learnt to never expect anyone to stick around, because they all find their own lives without him in the end (which, naturally, becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy). He has learnt to never take things too seriously, to never take it to heart, to smile and laugh off even the most serious matters - because anything else would hurt too much. 

When he does expect things, when hope starts to creep forwards, he often doesn’t realise it until it’s too late to fight for it, too late to hold on to it, too late to do anything but withdraw behind the wall and put up a smile - because K3 dies, Jaehee gets married, and Gyu-ho leaves for Shanghai. K3 is an abrupt end, Jaehee a slow break up and Gyu-ho gets pushed away. 

It’s easier not to expect anything, because then he won’t be disappointed. 

It’s easier not to feel anything, because then he won’t get hurt. 

That is why, when Young finds out he is HIV positive, his coping mechanism is to normalise it to himself.

“But you know, what more is there to it? There’s medicine for it. I decided to pretend I was taking a vitamin every morning for the rest of my life.” 

I am writing this sitting between @stuffnonsenseandotherthings post about stigma, discrimination and lack of understanding in Korea and @wen-kexing-apologist post about HIV treatments that can afford people a largely normal life in spite of the disease. Reading the two posts back to back, a few things got caught in my brain that keep clanging against each other like loose pieces of metal.

There are treatments. There is help to get. You can live a normal, full life with HIV. Perhaps Young did not have to pass up on all those opportunities and a continued future with Gyu-ho at all. 

Young survives through avoidance. He doesn’t tackle anything too serious head on. Life has taught him not to, and so he applies the same coping mechanism to his diagnosis. 

The perception of HIV in Korea is bad. Really bad. Coupled with that, the general understanding and knowledge about the disease is very low. People simply do not know enough.  

Young’s experiences with healthcare have been terrible. We don’t get to see him interact with doctors regarding his HIV treatment, but we can assume that he is generally distrustful of healthcare professionals. 

All these pieces clanging together lead me to one question; Does Young know? 

Does he know about PrEP? Does he know that, should he take his meds correctly, the blood tests he keeps avoiding might not even pick up on the fact that he’s HIV positive? Does he talk with his doctors about these things? Does he research it online? Does he try to look for ways in which he can minimise “Kylie’s” affect on his life? 

Probably not. 

Why would he, when he’s simply “taking a vitamin every morning”? 

For me, that’s what makes part 3 almost as heavy and difficult to read as part 2 - because things don’t have to be so bad, but Young has learnt not to expect anything else, and so he doesn’t try to change things for the better. 

For me, that's also why part 3 and 4 are the most important parts of the book - because it's representation. Someone might read it and realise that the situation isn't as hopeless as they first thought. Someone might read it and realise that there's help to get, that there are alternatives. Someone might read it, and it could lead to them taking the steps to change their situation for the better. A whole lot of people might read it, and have their views of HIV challenged, and learn that the way people with HIV are treated is wrong, that things need to change.

For me, that's worth more than anything else in this book.

@lurkingshan tagging you for easier list-making on Sunday

[poorlittleyaoyao]

vines I am staring at your MY canon divergence au and would love to hear more about it!!!

OKAY SO.

This AU exists for two main reasons:

1.) A lot of fix-it fic for JGY seems to focus on him being "saved" from his canon fate via romantic relationship, and that simply doesn't cut it for me. You really want to free him from the destructive weight of his misplaced filial piety in a way that doesn't just handwave it all away? You save his mom. You save his mom and enable them both to know JGS is a lost cause from the get-go and give them the means to forge a different path.

2.) WQ and MY are my faves and I want them to hang out!

As I said, I will almost certainly not write the whole thing out. I did post the inciting portion where MY actually arriving in Qishan and WQ starts treating MS, but as you can see, I did not finish it over the summer as intended, because I am the world's slowest writer. But I think about the ways it could go a lot! It's a little thing--just pushing a canonical event earlier in the timeline and changing the impetus--but it has SUCH impact. Aside from what I mentioned in the tags of that other post:

-MY no longer has any ties to Qinghe. He and NMJ can still clash (since MY is for all intents and purposes a Wen), but it's not personal in quite the same "I lived in your household for a substantial amount of time" sort of way

-WQ has someone she can talk to who's in similar straits! This is all based on CQL canon foremost, and what's striking to me about her is that she never gets to be a kid. Even at Cloud Recesses, while her peers are having a silly goofy time, she's on high alert doing WRH's work. WN's behavior suggests that he knows the vibe is weird, but he doesn't seem to understand exactly how fucked things are, which in turn implies that WQ is deliberately shielding him from it. That's so much stress that she's bottling up! With MY there in the same situation of abetting atrocities to protect beloved family members, at least she has someone to confide in (while their situations are juuuust different enough to conflict).

-MENG SHI REACTS TO: EVERYTHING. Those five sentences of information about her are so interesting. She's clever! She's shrewd! She's also compassionate, I feel, because MY had to get his altruism and his loyalty to those who show him kindness from SOMEWHERE, and he certainly didn't get it from his dad, WRH, or anyone else he grew up with. I have a whole backstory for her that I cannot write because hooo boy the effort required would not be worth the reward, but I want so much to explore how she'd respond to the fucked-up situation of being beholden to the Evil Regime. On the one hand, she knows the Wen clan under WRH are doing horrible things, and I don't think that would sit well with her. On the other hand... MY inherited his survival drive from somewhere, too. What does MS feel she owes to society when that society abused and degraded her?

-MS and WQ would also have some things to talk about on the "making great sacrifices for family" front, I think.

-Less seriously, XY meets MS and probably calls her a slur to be edgy, and she hits him right back but in a way that he finds fun rather than takes personally, and now she's on XY's list of People He'll Murder For On The Slightest Provocation.

-MY and/or MS might know about the core transfer and that sure is a fun piece of information for more people not named Jiang Cheng to possess!

-I think MS gets to date WZL firstly on account of WZL being a total catch who respects smart women going by his ??? with YZY, secondly on account of them both getting a lot of shit from society for their work (though the one who voluntarily disables people for a living is treated more respectfully by far bc this is a horrible garbage world!), and thirdly because MS is going to have to bear witness to Xiyao and Chengqing and she deserves something for herself there.

-I mentioned "what about after the war?" in the tags of that other post, but ahhh the Optimal Outcome here fixes EVERYTHING. JGS offers to legitimize MY. MY kind of wants to tell him to fuck himself, but realizes that his and MS are in a highly unstable position and he needs to go all-out on convincing people He Was A Good Guy All Along. (WQ and WN don't have that luxury with their Wen surname.) He accepts on the condition that prisoners are treated with mercy and MS is also granted security. JGS provides exactly neither of these things, as MS is either shunted off to a prison camp with the Wen remnants or she's isolated within Jinlintai as a means to keep MY compliant. How do we solve this? Unclear! Maybe XY finds out JGS is being a dick to Meng Shi, A Person He Likes, and he impales him about it. Regardless, we have MY and the Jiang sibs (plus Jiang-in-law Zixuan) all conspiring together, and in an ideal scenario, I believe in them.

-There are also a lot of sad messed-up ways this could go, but. I do not want it to this time. At least not for my two faves and MS. Everyone else........ debatable.

Again, I cannot stress enough that this is not ever going to be an actual longfic. I have written one (1) longfic ever and it was three years ago and not even that long. But it has POTENTIAL.