#probably needs a tw so yeah

[a-scary-lack-of-common-sense]

What is the lore on the cast on his foot?

It’s from the same car crash that gave him the chip in his tooth!

Basically, when Ford blasted his brain with Project Mentem, it reacted very badly because: 1. His head wound from his previous (attempted) surgery wasn’t fully closed, and 2. He had tampered with the machine to make its effects more potent.

But, then I thought to myself: wow, there is no way this motherfucker realistically survived malnutrition, sleep deprivation, mutilation (from Bill), a botched auto-brain surgery (in unsanitary conditions) AND getting basically electrocuted until his brain scrambled. I mean, plot armour is cool and all, but this seems a little excessive.

So, I was like: how can I get this guy to go to the hospital without having to call an ambulance to his place, and accidentally reveal the existence of the portal to the authorities wayyy too early in the timeline?

Solution? Hit him with a car.

[No blood version.]

So this is what happens: Ford wakes back up in his underground lab, disoriented, confused, and overwhelmed. In his dazed delirium, he somehow manages to leave his shack and finds himself staggering around in the woods aimlessly. Then, he walks into the road and gets hit by a car. He is sent to the hospital, and he gets a little bit better with their treatment so that he isn’t on the brink of death (although they were unable to pry the metal out of his head without causing serious issues). But ultimately, he freaks out when he wakes up in the hospital like a week later and instantly ditches the place, rushing back into the town streets. His injuries weren’t fully healed by the time he woke up though, so he was stuck with the cast and the chip in his front tooth.

[edenrabbitnest]

fuck my stupid immortal life

[notvil]

my potential wips are: yandere, freak, scary guy deku; caregiver, objectification adj guy deku; rodeo cowboy guy deku; ovipovi, fae guy deku.

[xproskeith]

I realize I may not be able to easily engage with TOP lore and theories right now. For a while at least.

My thoughts are way different than most on them and I think too many are looking for a very dark and negative interpretation.

[littleintellectual]

i totally understand if you'd rather not answer this and that's completely fine, but I saw you're talking in tags a lot about having been in jail and separately about being diabetic/chronically ill. how was your diabetes handled in jail? were you able to get the care and medication you needed?

i am more than happy to answer this and it will be very very long because it fucking sucked, and if you have a chance to advocate for one thing about jail (county jails, not prisons, which have way better care from what i hear, because of more stringent standards and better funding) reform, it should be mental health staffing, and if you can advocate for two things, medical staff training. (three things: good library systems in there. see if you can donate books to your local one rn, if you can, even!)

caveat: my county uniquely sucks in various ways, even just compared to the rest of the state, never mind anywhere else. if anyone is reading this and you're about to go to jail: don't let this scare you. know what you need and be respectful asking for it and hopefully your place is better than this one. you will survive -- and not just because if you die, they get sued and bad publicity, but because you can survive and i believe in you.

so i was there for 13 months, starting at the end of october 2023. before i got there, i was literally afraid i was going to die, because if you look up "diabetes care in jail", there ummm isn't much to speak of. i use an insulin pump. for the first week or so, everyone said oh yeah, there's no problem with your pump, we had a guy a while back who had one, blah blah blah. and i was like holy fuck i'm not gonna die. and then they took it away.

(and there was a whole thing where i couldn't figure out how to shut it off so my husband could come pick it up and take it home, and its alert beeping kept going off every few minutes for a few days.... also someone put into the reports they sent to the judge that i "deliberately disabled it" bc i thought it would get me put on house arrest. ... it was just that the infusion set needed to be changed. like ? that wouldn't even work. anyway) they said the guy who had one before was brittle, couldn't take care of his own bg, and was -- these are the doctor's words, and let's kindly called them old-fashioned -- "borderline MR". so they put me on multiple daily injections. and i thought oh ok i AM going to die. because i was hospitalized once before where i was on MDI and it's the only time in my life i've actually gone into DKA/coma.

basic rundown on diabetes -- you might already know, meowing, but in case anyone reading doesn't -- you eat food, it has carbs, they make your blood sugar (blood glucose, bg) go up, too much up is bad (and so is too much down), you take insulin at roughly the same time you eat (and with a pump, a tiny bit every few minutes) to cancel out the carbs and make your sugar not go up too much.

(aside: it also takes at least a week -- and by the time i left, they were backlogged a month -- to get any "non critical", "not gonna die if you don't take this Today" meds approved. so there's a lot of withdrawal for everyone off of everything. *a month* for psychiatric meds. in a *jaillllllll*. i had to fight for a couple of my other meds, too, bc i also have EDS and the improbable nonsense (e.g. 4 zyrtecs a day) that goes with that. and my restless legs meds that they gave me six hours before bedtime. ANYWAY)

so the way they do multiple daily injections in this jail is: 430 am, they wake you up, take you down to medical, fingerstick you, give you whatever dose of insulin they're guessing will work -- long-acting and short-acting, ideally -- and your other meds (one perk: because i took my meds in the office, i didn't have to have any of them crushed (which is supposed to prevent cheeking). believe me when i say that is a blessing if you are taking bupropion) and send you back to bed. an *hour* later you have breakfast. and then they expect you to go back to sleep.

sometime between 10 and 11, the same thing happens for lunchtime, which is again about an hour later. there was another type 1 there for whom they actually had to modify this, because her sugar kept going low between the shot and the meal. it's just too long a time.

then here's the great one -- between 2 and 330, same thing. but then dinner isn't until FIVE THIRTY. then you go up again at bedtime and they give you a paper bag lunch -- milk/juice, apple, sandwich. but they don't give you insulin to cover it. so i would keep it until i got the next one, in case i went low, but i pretty much never ate it, and i got in trouble once for giving it away to another girl.

so the problem with this schedule is that they are giving you your insulin before you eat. and they do not know how much you are going to eat. so they just. don't cover the carbs at all. they just cover the high BG you come to the office with, because your last meal was not covered. and then they send you out to eat again. and then they wonder why you're high the next time too.

then of course the food fucking sucks. pretty much entirely carbs. because it's cheap. the only change for diabetics/heart-healthy trays was that instead of cake, you get an apple. so including the lunch bag, that's three apples. every day. i had to order packets of tuna and chicken and stuff on commissary because sometimes there was literally nothing on the tray i could safely eat if it wasn't going to be covered. the doctor said he'd been fighting about this for ages. the thing is, they also do a vegetarian tray. which is an enormous salad. just.... just give us that. like. ??

anyway after a month and a half they gave me my pump back. everyone was happy. they still did all the fingersticks, bc they love paperwork, but they let me manage my stuff pretty well most of the time. the only snags i'd run into were, like, "i'm not in my dorm and i need to eat NOW" and they'd make me wait, stuff like that, but i never had an emergency.

now because of the eds/mastocytosis, i had also, before i got there, been developing an intolerance/allergy to the type of insulin i was using. so we had to get my actual endocrinologist to tell the jail doc to switch it. and boy was he mad that someone had to tell him how to do his fucking job! but anyway they got the new prescription, kept letting me manage my stuff, and by the time i left my a1c was 6.9, which is the best it's ever been, because the food.... is boring. they don't add good stuff but they also don't add bad stuff. and you don't feel like eating a lot because it just sucks. i also lost 20 pounds in there for the same reason. and then i came back to the land of hyperpalatability, right before christmas, and now my a1c is 7.3 BUT ANYWAY

so the other type 1 girl that i mentioned, she had come directly from 4 years in a prison in another state, and she had gotten diagnosed there. so she never had a pump. she was with me for oh... four months or so. and they just could not get her goddamn sugar down. and she didn't have an endo or any way to research anything. she never went into DKA, so they kept her at "functioning", but long-term, i have no idea what kind of complications she's going to get. she went home, not to another facility, after leaving ours, so i hope she was able to get proper care there.

ok now here is the very worst part.

in this facility -- this is not universal; my county is, by all accounts, uniquely bitchy -- medical care quality is based on how much they like you.

they liked me. all you have to do is be respectful -- imo i never actually kissed ass or anything, but i know what "assertive communication" is and how to say please and thank you and be patient up to a point.

i saw a rude-ass evil girl who came in with a broken foot and a judge's order for surgery. nope. being evil and rude does not mean you have to suffer -- it's probably just going to make you meaner! i saw girls who got yelled at for how they worded their medical request forms, and never actually got looked at. a girl with seeping lumps on her breasts that never got looked at, bc she was kind of annoying. i got called a hypochondriac myself for asking for my meds for pmdd. if you're "impatient" (e.g. if you tell them "my pump is empty of insulin Right Now and i need to put more in Right Now" and three hours later you respectfully go "hey is medical available? i still have No Insulin") they will make you wait longer on purpose, and say "you're on MY schedule".

dental care is way worse, of course. a crown fell off one of my teeth. would have been so simple to just pop it back on. they asked who my dentist was and said i had an appointment. a few months later, hey, didn't you say i have an appointment? yes, but it's with our dentist now. never actually saw one at all. meanwhile the tooth is breaking down and getting food stuck in it and whatever. i finally got it extracted last week and will get the replacement implant in 2 months. i saw a girl at 10 out of 10 pain from rotting teeth and they gave her ibuprofen.

and if you complain? about anything? they just say "well, don't come to jail."

[mad-hunts]

did i ever tell you all how barton's kids fully found out that he fears being left alone / abandoned? because i feel like they definitely had suspicions that that was something he really didn't want to happen before for a while, but barton never expressed it in a very overt way, if that makes any sense. that is, until he had somewhat of a delirium-based breakdown when he was REALLY sick with pancreatitis. which i estimate was around whenever matilda and louis were around fifteen years old.

because there is a chance that whenever you have a fever around the 103-106 mark that you will experience hallucinations and delirium + some people just seem to be more suspectible to it than others in general. and in the worst of the fever, barton had this super vivid dream about his kids leaving him, and he just woke up SOBBING from it. i mean, he was ugly crying because of it and begged them not to leave him. which is actually really kind of sad whenever i think about it. i honestly was thinking about writing a drabble about it because he didn't only just beg them for that — he said some things that, although it might not seem like barton would ever say them, sounded genuine.

and one of these things was apologizing to them, which... matilda + jack in particular, remember, and it's possible that it kept them up for a few nights. and i don't mean in a disturbed way or anything. i mean, in a ' wow, i can't remember the last time i saw dad be that vulnerable with us before. and if he did mean that he was sorry, then what does that mean whenever he may (or may not) eventually repeat doing what he apologized for? '

so it's honestly something that they still think about sometimes, and barton DOES remember saying them but kind of with a 'haziness' undertone to the memory, if that makes any sense. so yeah... barton's relationship with his children has a LOT of layers to it, and overall, it is very unstable. but he does ultimately seem to be attached to them in his own ' barton-like ' way, which is the best way i could put it because the man's mind is kind of like a labyrinth.

it's hard to navigate his feelings even for barton himself, but he is capable of being at least a semi-decent dad sometimes... but other times? yeah, he can be really cruel and uncaring. and i may sound like a broken record here, BUT the bad overshadows the good, and so he is not someone to look up to in regards to how a guardian should treat their children. however, i just think it's interesting how barton has just completely turned his dynamic with them on it's head before like this.

[bam-monsterhospital]

fantasy & cannibalism

the decision to make wood elves in the elderscrolls (for the most part) cannibals who forgo consuming vegetation is an interesting one, but it begs the question:

how are the bosmer (wood elves) surviving?

the worst fact about cannibalism that everyone except biologists forget is that you will starve to death if you consume nothing but other people.

yes. STARVE.

why? because there's not enough nutritional value in human flesh. We're at the top of the food chain and the nutrients we need to fuel the engine of our bodies and keep it operating have to 1) pass through other creature's metabolisms and what they took from it in the chain of eating, and 2) if what little was left over has been already processed and used by the human body, there's not going to be much to gain from it. Forgive my extremely short and simplistic way of saying the higher up on the food chain a creature is, the less bang for your buck you'll get out of it in general: aka why mass meat production doesn't focus on farming apex predators, but instead creatures that consume low on the food chain, like grazing herbivores.

That's real life. You cannot live off of the flesh of other people, you will die of hunger(if the prions and diseases and other stuff don't get you first). Now, apply that to fantasy.

Moving on to elder scrolls

Bosmer are weird... they practice ritual cannibalism and the whole thing seems more spiritual (hence 'ritual') to tie them back to the essence of the plants that shelter them, rather than an essential part of their diet... maybe. It's a blurry mess. The 'green pact', the practice that forbids them from harming plant-matter means their diets are carnivorous. So...

Does this mean bosmer are obligate carnivores, ie: is their biology adapted so that they rely only on meat to give them sustenance (and thus can't derive it from plantlife or non-animals)?

if it doesn't mean their biology is 100% carnivorous and they are instead omnivores like humans, where are they getting their fibre, vitamin c, other stuff needed from plant-eating? Do they import it from outside valenwood where the green pact doesn't apply? That's extremely shaky ground to keep an entire civilization alive...

if the bosmer are obligate carnivores, and the practice of cannibalism came from pragmatism to not waste a resource they depend on to survive (meat), which seems to be what the lore implies, how are bosmer getting nutritional value from eating other people (aka, animals at the top of the food chain)? Not to mention if reliance on this meat is a common thing (again which the lore implies), how do their bodies deal with prion transmission? Do their bodies resist disease- OHMYGOD. THEY DO RESIST DISEASE, it's in morrowind, oblivion, and eso as one of their species stats.

'the green pact' isn't practiced by all bosmer but what does that mean when it comes to diet other than 'haha not all of us eat our enemies'. Are these bosmer also carnivorous?

i mean the boring answer is probably 'tee hee, they're omnivores, just like humans, duh', which opens up all the issues™ with the decision to make them so meat and cannibal oriented.

I don't know. there's so much to do here and everything's so vague and wishy washy.

Mostly I'm just frustrated with creators not knowing the one single most interesting and horrifying fact about cannibalism: it doesn't help anything.

[connormoving]

i think itis funny in the past when i would list my interests as if i post abt them i donot post abt the shit im into rly Mainly bc im not rly Into Into anything anymore i occasionally watch or read or play something but i dont do fandom stuff rly much.... just sometimes i get brainworms

[mad-hunts]

barton being awkward at first or even completely throughout a whole interaction whenever he's trying to comfort people is so in character for him TBH and let me tell y'all why because i think it's important to his character:

he can fake a lot of things. barton can fake being nice to people, he can fake being innocent, and he can even fake having a much stronger sense of morality around people if he wants to — but whenever it comes to empathizing with someone on an emotional level... barton finds himself often struggling with faking it because of the nature of it. and this is due to it being different than whenever he's trying to feign something easily comprehensible like innocence. but empathy is something that's usually viewed as innate in us as humans and has to do with love, which doesn't depend on logic. it's something that comes from within, so it doesn't have clear parameters as to how you should do it, so whenever barton tries to fake it in the event that he's trying to make someone feel better; he'll stumble. and so although barton can cognitively empathize with someone, his efforts to actually put himself in other people's shoes fall flat, as he just can't physically imagine himself being in someone else's position probably more than half the time.

so if your muse were to ever come to him seeming upset, barton would likely not know what to do / how to comfort them, at least for a bit before referencing back on how he's seen other people do it. because i hate to say it (i don't, in reality, but y'all know what i mean LOL) but barton does actively mimic behaviors that he sees people do whenever he feels the absence of a certain emotion. he especially does this whenever he's trying to appear charming to other people, but like i said, he'll also try to use what he's seen his peers do as a guide as for what he should do in regards to empathy. and sometimes he may even seem a bit flustered before he's able to do this because he knows that it is expected of him to be able to empathize with people and can identify it in other people BUT knowing how to approach faking it has always been sort of hard for him even as an adult.

but yeahhh, that's just my own two cents about how barton sometimes break character that he is quote unquote ' normal, ' though he does try to mask this around people who aren't really familiar with him as simply being social awkwardness. however, it is part of a larger thing with him as despite the fact that he can blend in with the population REALLY well and also is pretty good at manipulating others, i suppose you could say that barton is still not an expert at ' constructing empathy ' because whenever someone is visibly hurt in front of him... he is more liable to act like he isn't sure what to do, than to put on an act immediately since he is likely to feel nothing first before anything else. and i realize that that is a rather unsettling thought, but i think that he is a lot more suspectible to doing this with people he doesn't know well / who he isn't particularly close to, as he's got a lot more practice with being falsely empathetic towards friends and/or sometimes even family members.

[rawliverandgoronspice]

.

[flowerakatsuka]

it's so funny that the sextuplets die and go to hell in s2 season finale hahaha... anyways, i've been thinking a lot of how mortality is a underlying theme with kuroba's character and how they're constantly forced to think about it with the work that they do and the losses they've experienced themself.

[numbr-1fabfantasyfan]

if he posts anything ab sa awareness or smt i will fukn riot HYPOCRITICAL ASS BITCH

[respondedinkind]

@tangleweave plotted starter

It hurts. That's the first thought that pops up inside a mind that's blank otherwise. There's nothing happening; Vast darkness surrounding a point of existence that has neither legs nor arms, perhaps not even a mouth or a pair of eyes.

But by god, does it hurt.

Ka'anh - that's his name, right? - has gone through a lot during his life. He has experienced pain on a daily basis, he knows how to handle it, he knows how to endure the suffering that comes with each and every single wave of it.

And yet, he thinks that this pain he experiences is... more severe. It's different. It's perhaps the worst he's felt yet, and something inside the darkness he resides within tells him that this pain brings a fatal ending to a written story.

Maybe it does. Maybe that's how it will end, he thinks to himself.

How did it start, though?

He tries to remember. The darkness shifts a bit, but remains close, lingering on top of him like a heavy blanket. He remembers sounds, pictures; Kill him, they've said. End him, he's not worth it.

He'd been afraid, he remembers that as well. Had made a decision, had finally figured out how bad things truly were and that this moment, this second, would decide about his fate. Was Ka'anh supposed to die, or would he continue to life? It had been his decision to make; He didn't want to die without putting up a fight.

He was made to fight, so he did precisely that: He fought.

And, somehow, he'd managed to free himself. He remembers the pain shooting through his back, literally so, as bullets made of plasma cut through his tissue and sensitive nerve-endings; He remembers how he gasped for air as he broke a living being's sternum with the weight of his own body, the pressure of a heavy boot. He remembers how he ripped a weapon out of another one's grasp and smashed the butt of it against a face, teeth and bones shattering, sending blood flying through the air.

Ka'anh remembers that he's made it; In the end, he's stayed alive, despite his injuries. He's fled, and he's captured a shuttle to fly into space with.

But now he's here. Somehow, he's somewhere else, he assumes; The darkness around him wobbles and begins to fade, and he realizes he's still very much made of legs and arms, and all four hurt. One hurts the most - his left leg, and he isn't sure whether he can even move any of them to begin with.

Open your eyes, something tells him. Open your eyes and take a look, free yourself from the nothingness, assess the damage and go on!Fight, you have been made to do that, after all. Fight, continue to work your way up and out. Fight, because you won't die without putting up one.

Ka'anh fights and opens his eyes, which he still possesses, thank god. Colors start to appear, a brightness that's much too intense and makes him groan from between a set of clenched teeth; His sense of smell returns, at least somewhat, and the scent that floods his nostrils is made of copper, burned flesh and molten metal.

He's in so much pain - so, so much. Squeezing his eyes shut once again, he grunts, huffing out a breath before taking in another; His lungs rattle as he does. An internal injury, most likely one or two broken ribs that have stabbed his lungs and fill them with blood. He tries to focus but his head is swimming, and he wonders if he's suffering from a serious brain-injury.

It would make sense, he realizes: he's crash-landed his shuttle onto another planet.

Yes, he remembers. The... thing that had appeared in the vastness of space, like a tear forming in reality, sucking him in, causing his vessel to malfunction, to be thrown toward another planet he's never seen before---

Ka'anh moans out as his head keeps pounding in sync with his heartbeat; It feels like as if it gets stabbed, over and over again. Tears flow freely from the corners of his eyes - or is it blood? he doesn't know - and as much as he tries, he just can't get up. He turns his head, blinks his eyes open, but - once again - just spots blurry colors, a brightness surrounding him that's too much to take, so he closes them.

He lies on his stomach, on what must be dirt, and he can feel something brush along his form - wind, perhaps. Most sounds he can listen to are muffled, including his own pathetic groans and grunts, but he thinks he can hear a fire burning somewhere to his right.

Must be his shuttle, destroyed and in flames, he thinks.

He needs to get up. He needs to... somehow... he has to...

[fitzfunnymoments]

Okay it's official. I NEED to see a gynecologist but. The trauma™️

[lovinglin]

I do be feeling... really tired

[mad-hunts]

you know... as barton's #1 hater, it pains me to say this, but he mighttt actually be semi-decent at flirting with someone / seducing someone. LMAO okay, i'm joking about it paining me + being his number one hater (though i AM a hater of his), though let me explain why i'm talking about this right now — because it actually does have something to do with how barton 'lures in' his victims and this is usually by going on romantic dates with them.

and barton purposely does this by putting himself in situations where he'll attract the persons attention and/or where he can flirt with them, OFC, but while they're none the wiser to what his true (and VERY twisted) intentions behind talking to them is 😬 because i know i say this a lot but barton is DEFINITELY not a good person and at the end of that first date, he'll kill them.

and this might be an unnecessary detail, but with how the media unfortunately tends to sensationalize serial killers, i feel like this has earned him a nickname in the papers because of those who have discovered his victims. i'll talk about this more later, though