#probably planned to use that card since he realized 'ah shit the brat is my soul nephew!'

[epickiya722]

You know what, Sukuna lowkey had it out for Choso since Shibuya. Probably did not like the fact that Yuji had someone, actual family... an actual blood brother that cared about him. He been had plans to kill him, I just know it.

[quirklove]

I beg of you- some soft Tomura, Compress, and Setsuno headcanons, please. I’m on my simp shit rn

aw, you don’t have to beg!! I’m constantly on simp mode for these babes

soft soft soft soft!!!!

ATSUHIRO

Is always humming something or other when he’s around his S/O. It might be an old nursery rhyme that’s stuck in his head, it might be some catchy pop tune that he keeps hearing on the radio, it might even be their favorite song. He’s nearly always an outgoing personality, but his S/O makes him so happy it puts that extra little spring in his step.

He’s a man of culture, (Name)! Somewhere he has a small stash of money from his past that he can draw on, so every once in a while, he likes to treat his friends and his S/O. (Most of the time, that cash goes to making sure they all actually have enough to eat or emergency supplies, and it’s obviously not too much money, so he doesn’t do this horribly often.) If anyone else will join him in disguise, he might be inclined to go with his S/O to a play or musical… perhaps even a ballet if the tickets are affordable enough. If no one else comes, ah, that’s alright; he’ll go with (Name) anyway, then bring back a slightly nicer dinner than normal for everyone else so that they aren’t left out. Maybe once or twice a year he does this, so everyone better enjoy it!

Noooo, he doesn’t wear the balaclava when he goes to bed, nor is it the first thing he puts on in the morning. He loves those times ― lying down to sleep and waking up. He gets to feel so vulnerable and exposed with his S/O, having them stare at him with his entire face uncovered, feeling their hands run through his hair like only ever allows in private. Plus, the fact that their gorgeous face is the first thing he sees when he opens his eyes in the morning? God. He’s gone soft. At least that softness is only for them, otherwise he might have a problem.

He likes to play cards with his friends and S/O if they’re not busy. No missions means he’s at the bar playing poker with Kurogiri, or war with Dabi, or… well, all Tomura ever plays is let me turn the cards to dust because fuck your games, Compress. What a brat!! One can practically see his face light up behind whatever mask he has on when (Name) asks him to teach them a game.

No matter what, he makes the extremely conscious effort to always give his S/O some gesture of affection before he goes off on a mission. Whether it’s tipping his mask to lovingly kiss their cheek, giving their fingers a passionate squeeze, or pulling them close for a gentle hug, he won’t leave without doing it. It’s a subtle way of saying goodbye, just in case things might go sideways. He acknowledges that the League’s affairs are incredibly dangerous and illegal; they could all die on any mission. He wants his beloved’s potential last memory of him to be something good. If he ends up dead, he doesn’t want them left with any doubt as to the fact that whatever else is true, he adores them very, very much and wants them to be happy.

TOMURA

Nightmares are a frequent thing with him, unfortunately. Sometimes it takes the form of memories, remembering the night his Quirk activated, leaving him with the image of crying in the middle of a circle made of his family’s corpses. Sometimes it’s a horrifying scenario in which Decay works on him, where he wraps his arms around himself and feels himself disintegrate piece by piece. Sometimes it’s his literal worst nightmare, a scene where he touches his friends or his S/O and they turn to dust in his fingers. Sometimes he wakes up screaming, his hands balled into fists so hard his nails are digging crescents into his palms and drawing blood, just so he can’t hurt anyone he cares about. Having his S/O take him in their arms and hold him close, kissing his face, whispering that he’s safe, reminding him that they’re here for him… he might not get back to sleep, but he finds comfort enough to stop crying within an hour.

There is one lone, solitary, singular way (Name) can get him to wear lip balm. That would be… to apply a surplus of it to their own lips, and proceed to give him as many kisses as he’ll allow them to in one go. Sure, the chapped lips aren’t unattractive ― but they’ve gotta hurt like hell. Just let your loving S/O lessen your pain a little, Tomura, you gigantic baby!! Also, they should pick a novelty flavor when they do this. It increases the number of kisses he’ll accept when their lips taste like vanilla frosting or Dr. Pepper.

Is like… the worst at any kind of self-care. He forgets to wash/comb his hair, he definitely doesn’t shower quite enough, he’s had at least one infection from not taking care of the wounds on his neck. The only reason he isn’t dead is Kurogiri, and later gains another reason; his S/O, obviously. Whenever he’s not working on his and All For One’s plans, he’s playing video games, and trying to get him away from that is like pulling teeth. However, his S/O has turned out to be very good at doing that. They can easily entice him with a warm shower together, and he’s pretty sure he’s never felt something as amazing as their fingers massaging his scalp as they wash his hair. Even though the ointment they want to put on his neck smells like medicine, he tolerates it simply because it feels nice when they rub it on. They’re always so gentle with him, and it just about breaks the poor man.

When encouraged and left in a non-stressful environment, Tomura is actually not terrible with children. He’s awkward, sure, he’s grumpy, sure, he doesn’t suffer brats, sure, but all things being equal, he does alright. Most of the time he’s not too scary around kids, or at least doesn’t act scary. (His appearance freaking some of them out, ah… that’s another story.) Though he’d have to do a lot of preparation, he might actually put an incredible amount of effort into learning if he found out he was going to be a father. How the man can’t manage to muster up the motivation needed to wash his clothes before wearing them a second time, yet can summon the will to read a ton of different parenting books, the world will never know. The point stands ― having a child combined with his love for his S/O would be a huge catalyst for his realizing that he doesn’t hate everything and everyone, and the world isn’t all bad.

Whenever he wants to touch his S/O in a sweet, intimate way but doesn’t feel comfortable or safe using most of his hand, he’ll use one finger. He might curl his fingers in to run his thumb gingerly over their cheek, or trace his knuckle down the side of their arm, or use the tip of his index finger to draw down their spine so he can see them arch their back. Tomura has never, ever had this before. Despite knowing he has to be careful, that he wants to be careful with them, there’s something endlessly fascinating to him about seeing how they react pleasantly to his touch when all his touch has ever done before is destroy. This also works in reverse; he wants to experience every possible touch of theirs that they’re willing to afford him.

TOYA

When he sleeps with his S/O, he really, really loves to be the little spoon. (He’s pretty well convinced that anyone who says they don’t, at least from time to time, is a liar!) It makes him feel safe and secure, like everything’s okay, like his S/O cares about him and wants to protect him. If he’s not being the little spoon, and sometimes when he’s the little spoon but facing them, he tends to cling in his sleep. His arms wrap tightly around their waist, his head buried in their chest or their neck or their back. It’s a product of his depressingly possessive nature; he loves them so much, they’re the best thing in his life, and he just… doesn’t want to lose them. Even while he’s asleep, he never wants to let go.

There are times Toya thinks about letting his hair grow out a little longer, to his shoulders maybe. The biggest thing that stops him is that he doesn’t know how he’d look with long hair. He isn’t sure he’d look that great or that he has the face for it! He’s a little afraid that with his more delicate features, having hair longer than it is now would lead to him being mistaken for a woman. If he mentions it to (Name), he might be a little startled by their enthusiastic, “Oh, that would look so charming on you!” coupled with a reassurance that they love his appearance no matter what he decides to do with his look. As far as they’re concerned, even if he ends up not doing it, they’re still going to think he’s the most handsome man ever. Knowing they’d support it, though, makes him think about actually doing it.

He rambles a lot, particularly when he’s feeling anxious. He rambles a lot. That goes along with his hands fidgeting and sometimes his leg bouncing a bit if he’s sitting down. For some reason he finds it hard to sit still or be quiet. He feels the need to fill the silence with something. So he talks, about anything and everything and occasionally about nothing at all. Most of the time only his S/O (or sometimes a friend) placing a hand over his, threading their fingers together, can calm him slightly. Often a gentle kiss when he’s doing the motormouth thing will get his mind to slow down and focus… at least to the point where he kisses back, and happily drowns in them for a while.

While not ‘on the job’, Toya… is usually kind of unsure what to do with his time. He reads, he watches TV a lot, he… sleeps. God, he sleeps. He seems to spend his life in a weird state of either being asleep or seeming wired as hell. There’s not really an in-between for him, at least not for a long time. He has trouble finding balance, especially since he’s so depressed. It seems to other people that he’s got too much energy and doesn’t fit the profile of what many people think a depressed person looks like. In truth, this is probably more accurate than people would like to think ― he hides the fact that he feels numb or sad by masking it with upbeat, happy, sometimes crazed behavior. Thankfully, he can sometimes find real happiness with his S/O, and it’s because of them that he might seek any kind of treatment so that he can feel better more often. Good thing, too, because not only will he be chasing a healthy life… his smile, genuine, painless, unaltered by any kind of forced joy? His true smile is the most beautiful thing.

Okay, but the man… has a serious sweet tooth. Most of the Hassaikai have their own room, and they can fill it however they choose. Toya’s cabinets are filled with nothing but sugary snacks. Even though he does eat regular meals, or at least tries to, he has to have something with sugar nearby to eat between. Chocolate is his favorite; he’ll eat almost any kind of candy, pastry, or even fruit snacks. If his S/O is very lucky, he will share! Pro tip: playing the pocky game with him is guaranteed to end in a cute, maybe steamy makeout session. And kissing any leftover chocolate that gets stuck to his lips? Oh, he’ll blush so hard.

[alpaca-writes]

Mystics, Chapter 29

When Arch becomes hired on at Mystics by the strange shopkeeper Lyrem Nomadus, everything seems to be going well- in fact, their life nearly becomes perfection. Soon enough, however, Arch realizes that perhaps not everything is as perfect as it seems….

Read Chapters 1-28 and more HERE

Taglist: @myst-in-the-mirror, @livingforthewhump

CW: depression mention, violence, swearing, food gore

--------------------------------------------------------------

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE: ROSANNA

        “Lyrem!”

        He had just appeared there. Out of nowhere, on the floor and... sleeping? The old man rolled over, and began to snore loudly like someone had given a kid an airhorn. How did he not wake himself with a sound like that?

        “Lyrem!”

        Nothing would rouse him.

        “Classical guitar is a boring and overrated musical genre”-

        There was a snort, and Lyrem lurched up. He looked around, and then grimaced as his eyes found Arthur who had been strung up to the wall by a set of chains.

        “Thought so,” Arthur grunted against the chains. “So, what’s the plan then? Are we close enough to Apollo? Can he help us get out?”

        Lyrem winced as he rose to his feet, and rubbed the side of his head where he had fell.

        “I don’t think that is all we will have to do, Arthur. Paimon’s signed agreement with Arch gives him complete power over them,” Lyrem brushed himself off.

        “Which means…”

        “It means that the only way Arch can leave here freely is if they fail to tear your heart out in five minutes or less- as per the deal you had made earlier.”

        “… Oh.”

        “Oh, is right.” Lyrem stretched out his neck. “And now I’m on Paimon’s shit-list just as much as anyone else, and even Arch has a bone to pick with me…”

        He breathed out a long gulp of air as his hands perched at his hips. They rose to meet the top of his head as he smoothed his grey hair back in deep thought.

        “We need to…” We are fucked, he thought. “We need to devise a way to release Arch from their deal, while also releasing Apollo at the same time. Even if we were to bring him down, I don’t know that he’d be capable of much. He looked in a bad way.”

        “Well, can you at least release me?” Arthur grunted. “Since Paimon’s not around”-

        “Oh, no… No… You need to stay there so that Paimon can serve you up. Arch will try to carve out your heart, and if we are lucky, will be too distracted to do it well”- Lyrem stepped to him and proceeded to dig through the man’s pockets, making him uncomfortable, but unable to do anything about it.

        “What the hell are you looking for?”

        “The lynx urine.”

        “Why?” Arthur seethed.

        “Why? Because you are going to drink it.”

        “Excuse me?”

        “Ah, there it is.”

        “Lyrem, I am not drinking lynx urine.” Arthur pleaded with him as the jar was pulled from his right pocket and was popped open.

        “Yes, you are. And I’ll tell you why”-

        The door to the hall opened, and Lyrem panicked. Stretching himself to the proper height, he raised the opened jar to Arthur’s lips.

        “No time! Open up!”

        Arthur did as he was commanded, and grimaced as the liquid poured down his throat. A second later, he was coughing up ammonia as Lyrem was thrown onto his back by Paimon. He watched him hit the stone floor like a rag doll. The jar was thrown across the room, shattering against one of the walls.

        “Doesn’t help does it?” Paimon asked his former friend as he recovered slowly. Conjuring up new chains, he carried them over as he spoke. “Being dead in the Underworld feels no different than being alive on Earth. All the pain and all the misery just carry forward like credit card debt. Follows you everywhere.”

        Lyrem lifted his head, grunting in aching pain as it persevered its way through his astral body.  

        “How… how did…”

        He spoke of the sudden force that threw him across the room. Paimon raised an eyebrow almost feeling pity for the old man.

        “You silly goose, you,” he tutted. “I own you. I always have. Therefore, I control you.”

        “You don’t own me, and you can’t control me,” he argued like a brat with their parent.

        “Ownership, friendship… It’s all the same.” Paimon replied crunching his nose. “Fine, you’re right, I never really controlled you. It was much more fun to convince you to do what I wanted, instead of forcing you to do what I wanted. Maria caught on sooner than you ever did, but then, she was of a different… calibre than you. She was the one who gave me the strength to sweep Hades’ realm right out from under him! … Come to think of it, I never thanked her before you sent her off to Cuba...”

        Lyrem wasn’t sure if he was hearing him correctly. Maria and Paimon? They had hardly known each other. They were practically strangers. Paimon stayed away from his home… out of respect for Lyrem’s homelife. He never wanted to bring work back home with him.

        Paimon pulled one of his wrists into a shackle, and locked it tightly. Then, he did the same to the other. Lyrem’s arms were raised, much like Arthur who was across from him, though he had more slack.

        “Come on, Lyre…” Paimon stood in front of his frail form. Tauntingly, he stuck out a knuckle, playfully knocking at his chin. Lyrem continued to look away. “Don’t you want to know what she did for me? The most corruptible offense that ushered me to a new tier of godliness? What she did to free herself from the pains of womanhood and what inevitably became of a passionless marriage?”

        Lyrem couldn’t help but snarl at the implication. Paimon found it rather amusing.

        “Oh, don’t worry. I wouldn’t dream of cuckolding you- I stopped doing such things after I had my fun with the Tsarina of Russia,” he smiled charmingly. “Can’t exactly top that”-

        “Rosanna.”

        Paimon’s smiling face fell into an annoyed frown, and turned around to trace the source of the voice. Lyrem furrowed his brows and finally looked ahead.

        “Now…” Paimon started. “How, in the bloody blistering cosmos do you know about Rosanna?”

        Arthur blinked, steeling himself. Suddenly, he regretted speaking up as Paimon began to advance on him.

        “I… uhh…” he stammered. Looking from Paimon to Lyrem, he swallowed hard. Lyrem was a worm- a monstrous human being- but he didn’t deserve to have Paimon be the one to tell him the truth. Not about his daughter. If he didn’t remember her, then it wasn’t him who tossed her in.

        He wasn’t innocent of a lot, but he was innocent of- at the very least- this.

        “In the Labyrinth,” he managed. “I found Rosanna in the Labyrinth. In a room with sunflowers”-

        Paimon tried to silence him, but found himself unable to do so by any magical means. Lyrem lost focus.

        “My mother’s not in the”-

        “Not your mother,” Arthur corrected, knowing that it wouldn’t be long before Paimon found a different way of keeping him quiet. “Your daughter.”

        “My what?”

        Sure enough, a square foot of terry cloth was stuffed into Arthur’s mouth and he was stuck, muffling out what he wanted to say, incoherently.

        Paimon raised a finger to his lips to signal his disapproval.

        “Please, allow me,” Paimon advised, patting one bloody and dirt-filled cheek. He turned around again.

        “You see, Lyrem… Maria was suffering. Looong before she ever was diagnosed with cancer, she was suffering at home. You were gone I think to… Oh goodness… where were we in ’92? Belize? Roma? Constantinople? It’s hard to remember… You had left Maria home with young Rosanna for probably a month or more… missed Christmas, again.” Paimon chuckled lightly. “You certainly developed a habit there…”

        “What the fuck are you talking about?” Lyrem’s more midwestern accent bled through with his shaking anxiety that was soon growing into an unrecognizable rage. “I never had… I never had a daughter… Maria never wanted children. I respected that. I respected her! More than anything in the world!”

        “Well, you would never know now, would you? I helped her repaint the nursery. We threw as much evidence of her existence into the Labyrinth that we could”-

        Arthur had managed to spit out the wad of fabric.

        “Lyrem, it’s true; and she’s fine, Rosanna was fine. She was with”-

        His rags returned to his mouth with much more force- this time causing him to gag as Paimon pushed them deeper into his mouth.

        “But Maria’s problem with Rosanna was that she just ‘never stopped crying!’” Paimon announced gladly. “Oh, that poor woman! Left on her own with a child she never wanted with a man who was never there!”

        Lyrem felt nauseous- sick. Even the thought… the possibility of what he said being true was unfathomable.

        “S-stop… No…”

        “It’s too bad there wasn’t more medical treatment for post-partum at the time, but then I don’t think any of that would have helped”-

        “Stop!”

        “If only you had been around more- maybe you wouldn’t have forgotten her completely, but ‘duty calls!’ as you would say!”-

        “No… no…”

        “I found Maria at her wit’s end, Lyrem! Exhausted from her motherly duties and crying on the floor of the foyer! And wouldn’t you know it, she remembered me”-

        “I told you to stop”- he said weakly.

        “She told me about how she’d consider drowning that child, suffocating her, simply dropping her off a tall building”- Paimon flourished a hand for a rather nasty effect. “And so, I did what any good friend would do. I helped her. I led her to a doorway- a simple closet inside the house. In your bedroom, in fact… So, I set up the Labyrinth and then we waited until Rosanna was awake… and calm… and breathing…

        And then Maria… Dropped. Rosanna. In.”

        “YOU RAT BASTARD. I’LL KILL YOU! I’LL RIP OUT YOUR HEART MYSELF! I’LL TEAR YOU APART-LIMB FROM LIMB AND I’LL MAKE YOU SUFFER FOR AN ETERNITY”-

        Paimon backed off from the loudly rattling chains, dancing on his way to Arthur whose head hung low. He was tired from the emotional toll even more-so than the physical one.

        “Don’t look too glum, now, Champ!” Paimon encouraged Arthur giddily. “The worst of his pain is over now, and yours has only just begun!”

[kayostesting]

test

You are now Choromatsu, and you have just arrived in the Land of Aluminum and Frogs. FUCKING FINALLY. Excuse that. You’re a bit mentally on edge after dealing with your server player and his dumbass shenanigans. But enough of that. Being so high-strung isn't going to get you anywhere. Perhaps you can wind down by exploring your planet for a bit. From what you gather by looking out the window to your side, the land seems quite barren, however you can see a few trees in the distance. There’s also a nice stream flowing just a little bit away from where you are. You glance at the windows behind you and find a giant mountain and… a mirror above it? What in the world could that be about? You’re gonna have to ask your spri...never mind. You’ll figure it out on your own. Your computer suddenly pings. That’s probably Osomatsu-niisan. It's probably a good idea to answer him. -- fappyGap [FG] began pestering moneyMeister [MM] at who knows what time -- FG: I’m back. MM: yeah good job MM: gluing together your little cube thing FG: Oh shut up. FG: Anyways, I need to go set up Ichimatsu now. I’ve left him hanging long enough. MM: yeah yeah MM: but hey MM: where are your consorts MM: were supposed to have them right FG: Now that you mention it, there’s nothing here but some plants and trees. MM: huh FG: Actually you know what I’m going to go outside for a bit. -- fappyGap [FG] ceased pestering moneyMeister [MM] at who knows what time -- You look up from your computer screen to exit the pharmacy. It’d be a good idea to get your bearings first, and then you’ll get right back to helping Ichimatsu. You turn around and go back inside, only to see something stand nearby the river. What’s that over there? Hmm...oh, it must be one of your new consorts! You quickly jog over to see what it is. Is it... …is that... Is that Jyushimatsu’s heirloom?! Why the hell is he even here??? You stare at each other for a few seconds before the...Hijirisawa? Yeah. Hijirisawa. Hijirisawa Shonosuke. You stare at each other before the Hijirisawa Shonosuke jumps into the river. You suddenly don't understand anything. In fact, you are currently casting sincere doubt on the laughable insinuation that you or anyone else ever actually did for even a single moment. Whatever. Time to get back to Ichimatsu. You’ve wasted enough time. You rush back into your office and quickly connect to Ichimatsu and start placing things down in your parents' house. Oh wait, he’s pestering you. Better see what he wants to say. -- fuckingFurry [FF] began pestering fappyGap [FG] at who cares about the time -- FF: oh wow. FF: you’re actually helping me now. FG: Yeah, ok, I’m sorry for leaving you hanging for so long, ok? FG: I’ll get you all set up as quickly as possible, so sit tight. FF: got it. FF: also don’t make a huge racket. FF: mom and dad are gonna wonder what’s going on. FG: Right, right. That’d be a good idea. FG: We can't have them flipping the fuck out right now. FF: as if you can talk. FF: you've been flipping your fucks like goddamn pancakes today. God that asshole is annoying. But no, you're going to be calm right now. No more fuck-flipping for you. Instead of chastising Ichimatsu for his asinine comment, you open up the inventory and place down the Pre-Punched Card along with the Totem Lathe and Cruxtruder. You then look around the room for something heavy you can use to eject Ichimatsu's Kernalsprite. You do not want to rip out anything that may cause a leak. Speaking of which, you’re going to have to patch up the damaged plumbing in the building you're in one of these days. But regardless, it's time to get back on track. You decide to look into your parents' living room and pick up a chair. Thank the Virgin God your father’s a bit too preoccupied with the televison screen to notice a floating chair behind him. You drag the chair upstairs and drop it onto the Cruxtruder and then quickly move your cursor to try and catch it before it lands. Somehow, that actually worked. You move the chair over in a corner to deal with later as you expand a wall and deposit the Alchemiter while Ichimatsu removes the Cruxite Dowel and begins carving it into a Totem. You suppose this is a good time to think about what to put into his sprite. FG: Hey Ichimatsu, what do you want to throw in the sprite? FF: don’t care. FF: throw in the chair for all i care. FG: Yes. Thank you. FG: That’s really helping us progress. FF: is that sarcasm? FF: i can't tell. FF: wait. FF: i just realized that i don't care. You pick up a random scarf from the floor. Maybe you can prototype the Kernalsprite with this. It’s not blue or sparkling, so at least Ichimatsu probably won’t object to it too much. Looking at it closer, is that…is that your Nyaa-chan scarf? OH, IT IS!!! FUCKING JACKPOT!!! You toss it into the sprite before realizing how your prototypings affect your underlings' appearences. You then remember you’ll have to fight imps influence from Pornsprite. You decide to initiate a HIGHLY DANGEROUS DOUBLE FACEPALM x2 COMBO. Whatever, what’s done is done. You watch as Nyaasprite comes into existence. CHOROMATSU: NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa she’s so great! You would love to switch places with Ichimatsu right now. Actually, speaking of Ichimatsu, he’s talking to Nyaasprite right now. You’re so jealous! Maybe you could pop by over there using the gates later and then meet her. But you've got to be careful, methodical. Start with your thoughts on her new single. Nonchalantly mention that you've reserved her new photobook, and throw your Tumblr URL into the conversation. Don't be pushy! Act appropriately distant, unlike those other fans. Make her feel like you really get her. Yes! Make her feel like you really understand her stress. There's nothing to fear; your plan is perfect! FF: choromatsu. FF: what the fuck. FF: why did you throw that dumb idol scarf in there. FG: NYAAAAAAAAA CHAAAAAAAAAN!!! FF: god fucking dammit. FG: SHE'S SO WONDERFUL. FG: NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FF: no. FF: stop. FF: i’m gonna just keep talking to her to get an idea of whatever the hell i’m supposed to do now. FF: since someone's being too much of a fappy bastard to do anything that isn't completely vomit-inducing. FG: I’M SO JEALOUS. FG: MY ASS HAIR IS ON FIRE. FG: Her divine visage glows with the beauty of 3000 suns. FF: fuck this. Oh, it seems that Ichimatsu’s gone into the group chat. FF: hey. FF: osomatsu. FF: you piece of shit. FF: get over here and restrain your client player. MM: what MM: im busy trying to help totty over here FF: he threw his stupid idol shit in my sprite. FF: he’s goddamn fangirling over it now. FF: blabbing about her “divine visage” or something. FF: just slap some sense into him. MM: yeah yeah ok i got you FG: NYAA-CHAN IS THE BEST. FF: fuck me. MM: lol i think ill pass You feel something poke into your face. It’s probably Osomatsu. You decide to ignore it for now and keep looking at Nyaa-chan. So pretty and wonderful, rivaled only by Totoko-chan! Ouch, something’s slapping your cheek. You turn around to swat whatever it is only to see a goddamned dildo dangling from the multicolored cursor in front of you. Screeching in horror, you quickly grab a random book nearby and proceed to smash it into the dumbass meddlesome cursor and fake-ass dick. After beating the vulgar object into oblivion while screaming at the top of your lungs, you switch over to pestering Osomatsu and slam your hand down on the keyboard rapidly. So much for keeping your fucks unflipped. -- moneyMeister [MM] began pestering fappyGap [FG] at lol insert time -- MM: hey MM: choromatsuuuuuu MM: how many times do i have to pokeHOOLYSHIT MM: nevermind MM: lmao you need to calm the fuck down FG: FRETGHFGFFGHTRHTUQETRYRJYNB C CB GNRJYMUKARY. FG: OSOMATSU-NIISAN. FG: WHAT THE FUCK. FG: WERE YOU THINKING. FG: OH WHO AM I FUCKING KIDDING. FG: YOU DON'T THINK. MM: are you sure you wont want that later FG: YOU KNOW WHAT. FG: YOU CAN GO FUCK OFF RIGHT NOW. FG: YOU SEE THIS PICTURE? YOU SEE IT? MM: wow lmao flipping the bird FG: THIS IS MY UNDYING RAGE FOR YOUR UNACCEPTABLE TOMFOOLERY. FG: NOT ONLY DO YOU FAIL TO TAKE THIS GAME SERIOUSLY. FG: BUT YOU ALSO INTENTIONALLY TRY TO FUCK IT UP. FG: You know how dangerous this game is. MM: lol MM: if you want help, perhaps you should elicit some profound wisdom from your wonderful sprite MM: who should have quite some expertise regarding your current dumbassery MM: ;) FG: You're impossible. FG: And it's "solicit", not "elicit". MM: ah MM: so elicit some profound wisdom MM: and get back to me once youve cooled down a bit -- moneyMeister [MM] ceased pestering fappyGap [FG] at lol insert time -- HE FUCKING LEFT. That petulant brat. You decide to not elicit some profound wisdom from your dumbass sprite and instead choose to- Ah hell, Ichimatsu's contacting you again. FF: hey. FF: if you’re done getting off, i need to get back to getting into the medium. FF: or i’m sorry, “The Medium”. FG: I’m sorry but I’LL NEED A MOMENT WITH OUR STUPID ELDEST BROTHER FIRST. You switch over to the group chat where everyone’s currently blathering away. Osomatsu’s talking. You are GOING TO GET HIM. MM: misson complete FF: perfect. HD: What the hell is going on…(・_・ヾ MM: just taking care of chorofappyski HD: What? FG: OSOMATSU-NIISAN. FG: YOU FUCKING BASTARD. FG: FUCKING FIGHT ME. HD: Oh my god. (－‸ლ) FF: oh hey he’s back. FF: and not slobbering over that idol. FG: NO SHIT. FG: WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING. MM: i thought we just established that i dont think MM: do you have amnesia too MM: along with your severe case of royal tightass-itis HD: What the hell did you do? ｢(ﾟﾍﾟ) MM: slapped him with a dildo ;) FF: perfect. HD: Oh dear god. FG: NOT PERFECT. FG: THAT IS FUCKING DISGRACEFUL. MH: OH, EVERYONE’S HAVING FUN OVER HERE!!!!! HD: Jyushimatsu-niisan, you might want to leave. (❁°͈▵°͈) FG: I WILL END YOU AND YOU WILL BE EXILED EVEN OUT OF HELL. FG: AND THEN I WILL END YOU. FG: AGAIN. FG: YOU WILL BE DOUBLE-DEAD. MM: lmao id like to see you try FG: FUCKING TRY ME. FG: I DARE YOU. FF: i have a cool cat toy you wanna see? MH: KITTY!!!!! HD: Yeah why the heck not. MM: why are you even so fired up about it -- fuckingFurry [FF] shared files -- HD: Ehhh, that’s pretty cool looking! (◕‿◕✿) FG: BECAUSE YOU FUCKING USED THE MOST OBSCENE THING YOU COULD HAVE. MH: IT’S SO INTRICATE!!!!! FF: i know, it’s pretty nice. PP: Hello, my dear brothers! I have finally finished carving my Cruxite Dowel, and I am currently engaged in the action of Alchemizing my Artifact. If I am not interrupting anything, may I inquire over what has occurred in my absence from our lovely gathering for conversation? MM: i mean you wouldnt listen to me MM: and you know ichimatsu asked me to “slap some sense into him.” MM: so i did FG: WITH A FUCKING DILDO. FG: YOU CHOOSE A FUCKING DILDO. FF: i didn't mean that literally you dumbass. MM: ;) PP:...Eh? HD: Karamatsu-niisan, you’re seeing this, right? PP: Yep. MH: AH. MH: BY THE WAY. MM: i mean what else am i going to use MM: your sprite spawns those things all over the place FG: And exactly WHOSE FAULT DO YOU THINK THAT IS?!?!?! -- muscleHustle [MH] shared files -- MH: EVERYONE SAY HI TO ESPKITTYSPRITE!!!!! HD: Ah, ESP Kitty! ( ・ ̫・) FF: nice. MM: lmao take a joke alexfapper graham bell FF: anyways i’m gonna go figure out what i need to do with this cat. FG: WHAT EVEN WERE YOU TRYING TO DO ANYWAYS. FG: DESTROY WHAT DIGNITY I HAVE LEFT??? FG: GIVE ME A BONER??? MH: I NEED TO ENTER THE GAME SOON TOO. HD: Idol otaku have their pride too, you know. MM: that was the plan MM: to give you a boner PP: Perhaps it’s a good idea to postpone our chatting to another time while we all try to enter The Medium in order to escape from our deaths. HD: Agreed. MM: and you got one -- fuckingFurry [FF] logged the fuck out -- -- heartlessDemon [HD] logged the fuck out -- FG: FUCK YOU. -- painfulPrat [PP] logged the fuck out -- -- muscleHustle [MH] logged the fuck out -- FG: I’M DONE. MM: lmao You turn away from your computer and slam your face into your desk. This is too tiring, go be someone else. You're too fed up to deal with anyone else's bullshit.