#proximity to kakashi au

[itischeese]

Expanding on the Obito-is-smart-actually-he's-just-stupid-around-Kakashi AU from here, because it haunts me and I have many thoughts about it. (Note: while most of that can be interpreted as headcanon, and is an explanation of canon events, this post goes into an actual AU version, where canon events aren't followed, because I am gay and sad and cannot take it anymore.)

Normal Obito has an Actual Plan of things he wants to do when he becomes Hokage, including making sure no one clan can be discriminated against in law, building trade relations with other shinobi nations to create actual lasting alliances not built on war (like Kakashi post-canon lol), and actually doing something about the Hyuuga hierarchy stuff, with the help of Hiashi and Hizashi, who he's already created a sort-of-alliance with.

Obito-around-Kakashi is completely unable to articulate this, and instead ends up blurting out things like "fancy hat" and "people will like me," and looking like an indecisive fool who doesn't know what he's doing. Everyone who's interacted with Obito outside of Kakashi believes he can do it, and would do a good job. Unfortunately, Obito spends A Lot of time around Kakashi, including interacting with Most People, so the number who believe he'd make a good Hokage is... distressingly small.

One would think that, given he was able to function and activate a two-tomoe sharingan when Kakashi wasn't looking, he would be able to dodge the boulder fine while Kakashi was knocked out. Unfortunately, he'd just grabbed Kakashi to throw him out of the way, and without Protecting Kakashi being a direct motivator, holding Kakashi in his arms, even just to throw him out of the way, is enough to make Obito's brain stall completely for long enough to get canon'd.

Rin survives becoming a jinchuuriki because Obito trips and crashes wildly into the clearing when he sees Kakashi, and incidentally he ends up crashing into Rin just before she can jump in front of chidori. Unfortunately, Kakashi sees Obito and gets distracted long enough for an enemy to land a blow, and Obito, intelligence fully impaired by proximity to Kakashi, thinks Kakashi is dead. Mangekyo-activation and nigh-instantaneous death of every enemy shinobi in the vicinity ensues. And then Rin heals Kakashi. Because he's Not Dead.

The combination of passed-out Kakashi and Must-Protect-Precious-People allows Obito to tell Rin that Kushina's a jinchuuriki too (he got suspicious bc of the floating hair, and Kushina humored him when he asked), and her and Minato should be able to do something about the seal of the Sanbi. Needless to say, she's rather happy to stay alive and not have to horrifically traumatize one of her precious people.

[oh-no-its-bird]

Really stupid au where when they were younger, Kakashi and Obito shared an accidental kiss a lot like Sasuke and Naruto. (Kakashi commits to his mask shortly after but will never not insist it's unrelated)

Years later and Kakashi, trying to cheer up Naruto and Sasuke ab their own embaressing accidental first kiss, shares his own story

Then, years later when Obito reveals himself on the battlefield, instead of going "woah, another Uchiha!?" when he hears his name, Naruto can't help but point and shout OH MY GOD UR THE GUY WHO KISSED SENSEI!!!!!!!!

Instant dead silence. (Obito wants to die)

Sakura, who never heard the story ab how it was a one time accidental kiss: "omg... sensei's childhood boyfriend went evil on him... this is so fucked up"

Obito is VIOLENTLY thrown off by this turn of events (and also hasn't actually thought ab it in years oh my god that did happen didn't it)

Kakashi, seeing how badly it threw him off, and also the kind of person who plays hard into throwing people off and generally fucking w them to gain an edge, seeing Sakura mumbling ab lovers to enemies and just kinda goes "Yeah Obito I can't believe you'd do this to me I thought we had smthn special."

"Yeah a rivalry????"

"So I was only ever a way for u to get stronger,, figures u were using me,,,"

[Confused Obito car crash noises]

Sakura yells smthn ab him being a deadbeat and how Kakashi can do so much better and Naruto is instantly shouting in agreement as Sasuke stands there like "hn." Which is basically the same thing for him

Kakashi just starts straight up lying actually

"What about all those picnics we went on... watching the sun set over konoha..."

"Are you talking about when Minato said we weren't allowed to come back inside till we stopped arguing and ate on opposite ends of the roof bc we couldn't even look at eachother without yelling???"

"It was so romantic."

Obito, starting to actually doubt himself, "was that a date????"

(It was not.)

"You died in my arms..."

"I died under a rock"

"We literally got eye married" (not a thing, he just made this up 3 seconds ago)

"We got WHAT" (no one can prove him wrong tho bc no surviving Uchiha knows that much ab their clans marriage traditions)

"Oh my god sensei's husband is a deadbeat" - sakura, horrified (and maybe a little delighted)

"Figures." -Sasuke, who's been in proximity w Obito for some time now and absoloutley believes every word ab this topic Kakashi is saying

"Woah. This is almost as bad as the fact he murdered my parents when I was a baby dattebayo" - Naruto who's priorities are NOT what they should be

"Ok. I wouldn't go that far." - Sasuke, who's priorities are also fucked but not THAT fucked, oh my god Naruto

"No, no he's right. We should kill him even harder for this" - Sakura, who doesn't actually agree but wants an excuse for more juicy sensei love drama (and also wants to see Obito beaten to death anyways)

[anyon-else]

I Am Your Lover and I Am Your Jailor (The Red Room pt.16) | You're finally free from Orochimaru and the Red Room; however, things have become more complicated now that SHIELD knows of your existence. (Marvel AU) – spotify playlist | read on ao3

Pairings | Kakashi Hatake x Black Widow!Reader + Sakura Haruno, Sasuke Uchiha, Naturo Uzumaki, Tsunade Senju, Genma Shiranui, Danzo Shimura

Warnings | female!reader, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, violence, this is a lore-heavy chapter (if anyone wants to know more about my sources for marvel-related lore, leave a comment!)

Word count | 11k

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"The cage is open. You can walk out anytime you want. Why are you still in there?"

Glennon Doyle, Untamed

"I thought you weren't allowed to come here."

You hoped you didn't sound like you were complaining. You were more than used to spending time behind iron bars, but that didn't make it any less unpleasant each time you wound up in a cell.

"I'm not," Kakashi shrugged from where he sat on the other side of the bars. He had come in quietly, putting a finger to his lips until he'd gotten to your cell in the middle of the long corridor. Now you sat side by side against the metal, trying to ignore your proximity to him in favor of staring intently at the cracks in the opposite wall, "but I'm one of the Director's favorites. She's...turning a blind eye, at the moment."

"Sounds like an abuse of power."

He laughed. The sound surrounded you like a warm blanket that you felt desperate to keep wrapped around your shoulders. You wished you had the strength to push it off and leave that warmth behind for his sake.

"Probably," he said quietly, glancing at the cameras on either side of the corridor, then at the one in the corner of your cell, "but I'm cashing in some favors."

Why?

The question was on the tip of your tongue, and while you restrained yourself from voicing it, Kakashi seemed to sense your worry from your expression.

He shifted before you could come up with a better response, and you held your breath when he lifted a hand and slipped it between the bars. He rested it next to yours with a casualness that you envied.

"I thought Sakura was going to level the building when I told her she couldn't come with me to see you," he smiled, "Sasuke and Naruto didn't do much to help me talk her down."

You pictured the three of them with a fondness that made your heart ache. You missed Sakura often, but recently you'd realized that you missed Sasuke and Naruto nearly as much. You missed their bickering and their fierce protectiveness of one another. You missed feeling like you were a part of the family they'd built for themselves.

You hadn't even known what you'd been missing until a few days ago, but your memories had returned to you in a wave of sorrow and longing and desperation. Part of you wished you were still ignorant to what you'd lost.

"How are they?" you whispered, the memory of Sakura's angry shouts as you were led through SHIELD's headquarters in handcuffs still fresh in your mind. She'd been held back by Sasuke and Naruto and swiftly blocked from your view by an older agent you didn't recognize, but her demands had been audible until you'd reached the cell block.

"They're worried about you," he said lowly. "Sakura is refusing to leave headquarters until Tsunade lets her see you. She's furious."

You hummed. Despite your desire to see her too, you felt yourself relaxing at the confirmation that she was safe.

"Naruto and Sasuke are worried too," he said softly. You glanced at him, trying to hide your surprise. "They've been trying to convince Tsunade to let you out, even if it's just for a short time. They want to make sure you're okay."

Again, the general question of why floated through your mind, but one look at Kakashi told you that he knew what you were thinking. You scowled at him, shaking your head and ignoring the infuriating look on his face. Eyebrows raised and lips titled upwards just enough to be noticeable, his expression seemed to be daring you to speak the question aloud.

"Don't look at me like that," you grumbled.

"Then stop thinking so hard," he retorted, shifting his hand just enough that his finger was resting over yours. You swallowed, closing your eyes and trying very hard to do as he said.

He's not making it very easy...

"What else am I supposed to think about?" you asked quietly, bringing your knees to your chest and resting your chin against them. Kakashi studied you for a long moment, and you closed your eyes to try and block his stare from your view.

"If you could travel to one place, anywhere in the world, where would you go?"

You glanced at him. The question itself was innocent enough—an attempt to distraction, perhaps—but it still made your chest sink. To think of the future now, when it was still so uncertain, only made anxiety bubble in your chest.

"I've been enough places to last a lifetime."

The Siberian mountains where you felt the first sting of betrayal and the painful slice of a blade across your face. Deep beneath German soil where some of HYDRA's first compounds were built. In Japanese training facilities where Orochimaru worked. In the American suburbs where you went on your first and only mission with Sakura.

"Maa," he huffed, shifting closer to you and leaning his head against the bars, "there has to be somewhere."

You sighed, closing yours eyes again and attempting to picture yourself at peace. You tried to visualize it and identify what you'd come up with.

You weren't entirely surprised by the image that came to mind

In your thoughts wasn't a specific location, but a memory of talking to Sakura without fearing punishment from Orochimaru. Of sparring with Sasuke without life and death on the line. Of listening to Naruto's stories about when the three of them were younger and free of their burdens.

Of laying next to Kakashi and finally being free of your own.

You wanted that feeling back. It didn't matter where you found it as long as it was there with you.

Impossible, you shook the thought away, I've tried to hold onto that life once already. I know better now.

"Somewhere peaceful," you finally answered, swallowing down the lump in your throat, "near the water. I'd want to just...sit and watch the sky for hours. That would make me happy, I think."

You wanted to tell him that it would only make you happy if he was there with you. You wanted and wanted and wanted.

It was too much. You felt like unfulfilled desire was consuming you, feasting on your rotten soul when it found nothing else to satiate its hunger.

"Hm," Kakashi smiled, satisfied enough with your answer to pull his eyes away, "that sounds nice."

It did. It sounded wonderful.

"Beg me for your life."

You squeezed your eyes shut, pulling your hand from Kakashi's and ignoring the question in his gentle gaze.

"Why do you think you deserve to live?"

Peace was a lovely thing to imagine. But a dream was all it would ever be.

Someone like you was not meant for peace. After what you'd done, you finally understood that.

"You should go check on the others," you whispered, throat drying as the words left your lips. You wished you were strong enough to let him stay—to be with him when he was here, wanting to spend his time with you despite the bars separating you.

But if he knew how cruel you'd been—how similar you'd become to Orochimaru...it was a difficult thought to accept, but you couldn't ignore the truth of it.

You would not allow him to be tainted by the same darkness that had begun to consume you. It was an evil that you'd been exposed to your whole life, and now it was finally seeping into you, becoming one with your blood and bones. You felt it like hard steel in your veins, making your limbs heavier than ever before.

You had already allowed yourself to succumb to it once. You'd given in to your selfish desire for revenge and treated Orochimaru with the same cruelty that he'd shown you your whole life. You alone knew the nature of your crime, and you alone had to bear its weight.

You would not allow it to spread to Kakashi and the others. You would not allow them to see it consume you like it had consumed Orochimaru.

That darkness was yours to contain. You were nothing but a reminder of a past that they would surely want to let go of. You had played your role, and they had played theirs. Despite how much it would hurt, there was nothing left to do but let them go.

"Are you sure?" Kakashi asked quietly.

You swallowed. You both knew that the answer was no. Really, you had never been less sure of anything. All your life, you'd been told how to act and speak and behave. You'd been told how to feel.

You'd never fully appreciated how complex deciding those things could be when you were left to manage them on your own.

Still, you steeled yourself. This wasn't about what you wanted. Just as it had been when Sakura's life was on the line, this was about what needed to be done.

"Yes," you said, meeting his eyes and ignoring the painful throbbing in your chest and the bitter taste of a lie on your tongue, "I'm sure."

"We'll start easy. What's your name?"

"Y/N Y/L/N."

There were two desks cramping your interrogation room. At the first, you and the Director of SHIELD—Tsunade Senju—sat facing one another. The second was smaller with a polygraph machine positioned in the middle. Tsunade glanced over your shoulder at the man sitting behind it for confirmation. First a question to make sure the machine is calibrated, she'd said, and then we can start.

Your skin had crawled as Tsunade adjusted each of the components of the machine on your body just minutes earlier. She'd insisted upon doing it herself, declining the male agent's offer to do the menial task for her.

You knew she could feel your glare as she worked, and her indifference to your hostility was commendable. Your hands twitched each time she touched them with the urge to wrap them around her throat, but she never once took a break or even paused to ensure you weren't moments away from acting on your violent reflexes.

It inspired enough respect for her that you'd cooperated until she had taken her seat across from you.

"Good," she said after a moment, opening a file with your picture in the top corner and your name typed out next to it. You swallowed as you stared at the girl in the photo, wondering if you'd really changed so much since leaving with Orochimaru all those months ago.

Her eyes weren't gaunt like yours were now. You'd lost weight since the photo was taken—it looked like it was from before you'd even met Kakashi. She'd likely found it deep within HYDRA's databases. The eyes of the girl in that photo, while hardened by the Red Room, weren't lifeless.

Looking in the mirror now, you felt like a completely different person.

Had the others noticed it too?

You shook the thought away. That didn't matter now.

"I'm going to ask you some questions about the Red Room," she told you, "if you're willing to talk about it."

You blinked at her. You weren't under the impression that you had a choice, but this could very well be a farce to gain your trust. She glanced down at your file with interest, unfazed by your silence.

"Kakashi has filled me in on your time with him and his students," she said, "but I'm rather in the dark when it comes to your life before that."

She paused, and you quirked a brow at the expectant look on her face.

"What parts are you interested in?"

"Whichever parts you're willing to share."

You almost barked out a laugh. This was too easy. Too...balanced. You knew what an interrogation looked like. You knew what one felt like. Everything about this room told you that the questions to come would be interspersed with violence and punishment, but Tsunade was treating you like an equal. Like you had value to her.

Orochimaru had treated you like that, once. He'd very nearly convinced you that you were worth more to him than a mindless, robotic assassin.

You would not make the same mistake twice.

"I don't have any reason to talk to you," you sneered.

Old lessons about this woman and her efforts to destroy HYDRA—and with it, you���flared to life in the back of your mind. You tried to push them back, but the voice pleading with you to give this woman anything but the truth was far more powerful than your tired attempts at ignoring it.

"Alright," Tsunade responded lightly, tapping her fingers against the table. Mercifully, the drumming kept you distracted enough that you could focus on the steady beat rather than the anger slowly building in your chest. The sound kept you from slipping too far into the depths of your tempestuous thoughts. Your mind was an unstable place. You did not want to be alone with it for too long. "Then I'm prepared to negotiate."

Hesitantly, you met her eyes, becoming increasingly wary of her intentions. This was not the same woman who had been called evil over and over again in the Red Room. She almost reminded you of Sakura.

You scowled. That realization was doing nothing to aid in your attempts to appear indifferent.

"Agent Hatake's students have been fighting for your immediate release into their custody. In fact, they've refused to leave this building until their demands are fulfilled."

This information was still just as surprising as it had been when Kakashi gave it to you. You tried not to let it show on your face, and if Tsunade saw any changes in your expression, she ignored them.

"There are also those—myself included—who are wary about releasing you for the foreseeable future. I'm sure you understand the liability you would become to us if you are still loyal to HYDRA. Some within SHIELD are even calling for your immediate imprisonment. Of course, in any case you would stand trial, but you know how these things go."

You didn't, but you remained silent. Tsunade sighed, resting her chin in her palm as her other hand continued to drum against the table.

"Your cooperation could be a deciding factor in what your future looks like. I'm inclined to trust Kakashi and his students' account of your actions in the past year, but their word alone will not be enough. Loyalty, as I'm sure you know, is earned."

"What makes you think I'd want to be loyal to you?" you asked, narrowing your eyes at Tsunade. Her fingers paused, and the room fell silent.

"I'd suggest treading very carefully," she warned, voice low. You paused when she glanced at the one-sided glass behind you and wondered who was listening on the other side. You wondered if the people watching were the ones who wanted to see you put behind bars, "I'm doing my best to help you."

Why? Why would you help me? You don't even know me. You don't know who I am or what I've done. Am I not your enemy?

Which means, you thought, eyes hardening at the placating expression on the Director's face, that this must be a trick.

"I understand your hesitation, but your cooperation is very important."

You watched Tsunade for a very long moment, letting the silence stretch between you once again. What could you have that could possibly be of any value to her? How much were you really worth to her?

"I'll cooperate if you can guarantee that Kakashi won't be punished for any of this."

Tsunade paused, hesitation making a split-second appearance on her face for the first time since she'd sat down. She glanced at the glass again.

"I can't give you any guarantees," she finally conceded. You narrowed your eyes. Of course. Nothing could ever be that easy. No promises would be made because no promises would be fulfilled. She would try to keep them safe. She'd do everything she could, but all that meant was that you were giving yourself up for free. She had no intentions of delivering on her word, promise or otherwise, "but maybe we can come to a compromise."

"I'm not interested in anything else," you sneered, "and I don't believe in compromise."

If she was frustrated with how uncooperative you were being, she was doing a good job of hiding it. Her fingers continued to drum against the table, and the rhythm of it was beginning to lull you into a false sense of security.

"Fine."

You weren't sure how to respond to her dismissal, but she was turning from you before you got the chance. You remained seated, handcuffed to the table and left to watch as Tsunade moved towards the door. The agent you'd come to know as Genma stood waiting for her when she opened it, key in hand. He bowed to Tsunade as she passed, then slumped into the room with a deep scowl.

You pushed your hands towards him, ignoring the glare he shot your way as the cuffs fell from your wrists and the attachments from the polygraph were tugged crudely from your hands and waist.

You glared at the man's hands as they detached you from your seat, then took a step back to let you stand of your own accord. With little decorum, but tugged your hands behind your back once again and attached the same handcuffs that had locked you to the table to your wrists once again, guiding you forward with a nudge to your shoulder.

"She's insolent," you heard as you stepped through the door behind Genma. Danzo met your eyes with a scowl, and you stared back at him blankly. Genma halted, tugging on your arm hard enough that you stopped as well. Both of you faced Danzo, while Tsunade stood immovably in between.

"Agent Danzo," you said lightly, bowing your head to the older man. He scoffed.

"This is absurd," he huffed, "Tsunade, if you continue with this...this ridiculous idea of yours, then–"

"Careful, Danzo," Tsunade cut him off, face the picture of composure. You studied her curiously, comparing her expression to the rage beginning to overtake Danzo's. "I'm still your Director."

Danzo stilled, and several emotions crossed over his face before he settled back on practiced frustration.

"Even you have your superiors," Danzo grumbled, giving her one last glare before he shoved past you, shoulder connecting hard with yours. You watched him go until he had turned a corner, then faced forward as Genma continued to lead you in the opposite direction.

"Hold on," Tsunade said behind you. You paused, glancing back at her

"Thank you for taking the time to speak to me," she said, her neutral expression giving away nothing of the true intention behind her words. You watched her with suspicion—prisoners weren't generally thanked for speaking with their captors.

Who is this woman?

Tsunade held a hand out for you to take, tilted downwards ever-so-slightly. You narrowed your eyes at the offering—you were beginning to see a certain danger in falling for this woman's placating words.

You nearly jumped when your hand met hers. Rather than the meeting of palms that you'd expected, cold metal sent a shock through your system. The metal was small enough that it was covered by your palm, and Tsunade slid her hand away carefully, leaving whatever she'd given you pressed firmly against your palm. You swallowed, watching her unchanging expression as she turned away for the final time.

You took a steadying breath, slipping the metal into your pocket and continuing forward, keeping your eyes locked on the floor in front of you. Genma led you silently through the back halls of the building until you reached the cell block. It was empty save for you, and your footsteps echoed against the concrete in the deep silence consuming the room.

"Your meal will be ready in an hour," he told you when he'd reached your cell. It let out a soft beep as he pressed a card against the keypad, then the door unlatched and creaked open. "Need anything?"

You shook your head. It didn't take long for him to turn and stride from the hall after giving your cell a quick scan. The door to the cell block fell shut behind him and locked with a click. Still, you sat in silence on your firm mattress for at least ten minutes before you felt safe enough to move.

You laid back on your bed, picking up one of the untouched books that had been left for you and opening it to the first page. The first sentence read, "It was a pleasure to burn."

Funny, you thought, closing the book and studying the bold Fahrenheit 51 on the cover.

"Interesting choice for a jail cell," you muttered.

Another few minutes passed. You'd flipped to the fifth page by the time you decided that you looked inconspicuous enough that you could inspect the object in your pocket.

There was a camera in the front left corner of the cell, mounted on the concrete and keeping a watchful eye on you throughout the day, As always, a green light glowed steadily on the lense's rim, telling you that it was on and recording your movements. You didn't risk a glance in its direction, but turned on your side, one hand holding the book and the other bent behind you, out of sight from the camera. You slipped it into your pocket, relieved to feel the metal still safely tucked away, and continued to shift. As you lifted your other hand up to hold the book, the metal held carefully between your fingers, you turned back towards the camera so that the book blocked both your face and the card that you'd slipped between the pages.

Pressed against the paper now was a sleek, silver card with a small note taped to it. Its upper edge underlined Clarisse McClellan's declaration, "You know, I'm not afraid of you at all."

You slid the card further down the page and, from the corner of your eye, saw her continued, "You're just a man, after all..."

You swallowed, heart pounding as you stared at what was in your hand.

This was the same type of card that Genma had been using to let you in and out of your cell. It was the card that most agents had on their person at all times.

It was the same type of card that Kakashi had used the day you met him. During that first meeting, you'd been separated by bars just like these.

The note was the size of the card, and you thumbed at one side of the tape carefully until it was hanging precariously from the bottom edge. The paper opened enough that you could press a finger in its fold, opening it flat against the book

You'd begun to relax after your interrogation with Tsunade. The tension had melted from your sore limbs, and your heart had finally begun beating at a normal pace. However, when you looked at the words on the page, it nearly stopped beating altogether.

The card will work on your cell door and the door to the cell block. After your meal, you will see the light on the security camera turn off. Come back to the room we spoke in earlier.

I trust that you won't use it for any other purpose.

You stared at the note for a long time after reading it. Eventually, the letters began to blur on the page, so you blinked away the haze and studied the page again.

This couldn't have been real. It must've been some sort of trick—perhaps none of this was real, and you were still with Orochimaru. The thought was visceral enough that phantom shocks of electricity flowed through your veins.

No, you thought with certainty as the feeling faded, I can't keep tricking myself. This is real. And I have to face it.

You almost forgot what the actual contents of the note were in your shock, and you forced yourself to read it again and again until you could finally digest what it was that you were looking at.

The request Tsunade was making was inconsequential compared to what the letters themselves revealed.

The words, written carefully and meticulously in straight lines across the paper, were encrypted using the code known only to Black Widows.

You and Tsuande had been staring at one another in silence for at least two minutes.

Tsunade couldn't help but feel slightly amused as you studied her; you were clearly trying to decide whether or not she looked like she'd been raised in the Red Room. Whether her scars were consistent with your own. Whether the hardness of her gaze was the product of the same machine that had created you.

It's typical, she thought, for a Widow to think that way.

"I'm glad you were able to decode my note," she finally began, meeting you at the door of her office. You took a step back at her approach, and she paused. "I wasn't sure if the cipher would be the same."

You didn't move from the doorway, continuing your careful inspection of her as if she was a ticking bomb.

She, in turn, did the same. She hadn't seen you standing at your full height before, and she took a moment to study your physique. If you were going to attack her, she'd prefer to know what she was up against.

She wasn't entirely concerned by what she saw.

At full strength, you would've been a problem for her, but you were clearly exhausted. Your eyes were sunken and framed by deep, dark bags. You were tense, but not standing fully upright. You were focused, but there was a tiredness in your eyes that assured Tsunade that you would not get very far in a physical confrontation in your current state.

"Come inside," she finally said, slipping into the room before you could offer any form of protest, "we'll speak in my office."

There was a momentary silence save for the quiet tapping of her shoes on the tiled floor. Then, behind her, a second, quieter tapping began as you followed her deeper into her office.

She sat in the tall chair behind her desk with a labored sigh, feeling your suspicious eyes on her even as she relaxed into the cushioned seat. Then, with little decorum and no warning, she held an expectant hand towards you. You continued to stare, eyes hardening at the seemingly unthreatening gesture.

"The gun," she ordered, tone leaving no room for deception or refusal. Your eyes widened just slightly, jaw clenching and frustrated gaze focused on her outstretched hand. You were looking at her as if she'd planted the gun on you herself.

You reached into your waistband slowly and pulled a handgun from it—one that she could only assume was loaded. She recognized it as one of the standard-issued guns carried by most field agents and wondered if you'd found it by itself, or if you'd found its owner. She made a mental note to check the hall for unconscious bodies, refusing to consider the alternative.

You clicked the safety off, finger far from the trigger, but kept a tight grip on the weapon's handle.

"Fine," Tsunade sighed, taking a seat behind her desk. "Do what you want. Shoot me, and Danzo takes my place. He won't be as kind to you as I've been."

"Who are you?"

"Tsunade Senju," she responded easily, "Director of SHIELD's Japanese branch."

"You're lying," you spit between clenched teeth, "you're HYDRA."

She'd expected such an accusation. After all, her message had been intentionally vague. Part of her had hoped that you would've put a bit more faith in her than that, but she supposed you had no reason to do so. You didn't know that she'd known Kakashi since he was just a boy. You didn't know that she'd helped raise Sakura.

"One thing you should know about me," Tsunade responded coolly, interrupting your clearly spiraling thoughts, "is that I have never served HYDRA, and I do not plan to do so in the future. So you can put that gun away before you decide to become a real problem for me."

You scowled, clearly frustrated by the upper hand she had over you, She tried not to look surprised when you slid the gun across her desk towards her and took a seat in the chair on the opposite side.

"If you're not HYDRA, then what are you?"

She's nearly as bad at conversation as Sasuke, Tsunade thought, already exasperated.

"It's like you said before," she shrugged, ignoring your steady, ever-consistent glare, "'I have no reason to talk to you.'"

You began to stand, but she held a hand up. You froze, staring at her outstretched palm as if she'd picked the gun up from the table and pointed it at you.

"Sit down," she ordered calmly. You hesitated, but eventually did as she said, slumping back into the chair with a scowl.

"Kakashi is one of my best agents," she said. You perked up at the name, eyes flicking up to hers and back straightening just enough to be noticeable. She had to fight a smile, covering her mouth and clearing her throat. You were also about as obvious as Kakashi was whenever she mentioned you to him. You both looked like lovesick puppies, which was ironic considering you were likely two of the deadliest people she knew, "and I've put my life in his hands more than once. He hasn't broken my trust yet, so I've chosen to believe that he had Sakura's best interest in mind when he chose to give you asylum."

Kakashi's explanation of the events that led up to that decision had been deceptively emotionless. He'd told her about Sakura's resistance to her rescue and refusal to leave the Red Room without you. About your hostility towards him until you saw that Sakura was safe, and about your decision to leave to make sure she stayed that way.

All things considered, she knew she would've done the same thing. But that didn't make her position any less difficult.

"However, SHIELD is not a dictatorship. My decision will carry weight, but I've tried to bring us back to a place of cooperation compared to previous leadership."

The confusion that flashed very briefly across your expression should not have been surprising, but it was still disappointing to see how deeply HYDRA had their claws in the Widows.

"HYDRA is a fascist organization. It operates based on discipline and punishment. Theoretically, SHIELD is different. We run based on trust."

"'Theoretically,'" you echoed, eyes narrowed.

"Nothing really ever runs like it's supposed to, does it?" she asked. "Orochimaru knew that. It's why he left SHIELD."

Tsunade watched with only slight amusement as a myriad of emotions appeared on your face. She'd expected that he wouldn't have mentioned his past with SHIELD to the people he was attempting to indoctrinate.

She noted with only slight concern that you looked moments away from keeling over.

"What are you talking about?" you whispered.

"Ah, see, this is what I meant when I asked for compromise. I've given you valuable information. If you want more of it, you're going to have to return the favor."

"I..." you began, though you quickly closed your mouth and looked away from her with a deep scowl. "What could I possibly know that would be valuable to you?"

"Plenty," she responded easily. "You can get me closer to HYDRA. You can tell me about their operations and their leadership. You can tell me what they did to Sakura so I know how to help her."

You glanced up at the mention of the girl, curiosity breaking through your carefully built defenses.

"Kakashi may have primary responsibility for her care and training, but everything she knows about medicine, she learned from me."

That's right, Tsunade thought as you processed this, Kakashi trusts me. Sakura trusts me. It's not only in your best interest that you cooperate. It's in theirs.

"And," she continued cautiously, "you're a highly trained covert-operative. You could be very useful to SHIELD if you chose to be."

You glanced at her, a glimmer of hope lighting your eyes for the first time since she'd met you. She smiled.

"Fine," you relented, arms crossed tightly over your chest, "but only if I get answers too."

"Of course," she nodded, a small, triumphant smile on her face. You let out an exasperated sigh, but relaxed slightly into your chair, indicating with a wave of your hand for her to begin.

"Do you know where the Red Room is currently located?"

You looked amused by the question. This was likely going to be a very long night for her,

"No. It's location moves frequently, and we were always transported blind. HYDRA wanted to ensure that their investments were protected."

"So this was HYDRA's protocol?"

You nodded, "Orochimaru thought that the constant shifting was counterproductive and wasted time, but he didn't exactly have a choice. It was a system put into place long before he took control, and he could never convince the...the Akatsuki to change it. It always worked well enough that you've never been able to find it."

Tsunade's jaw ticked.

"Was Orochimaru loyal to HYDRA?"

"Not in a way that mattered. He didn't care about their mission or ideals. He followed their orders to stay in power, but all he really cared about were his own goals. He was interested in innovation, and HYDRA gave him the resources to do what he wanted."

"And what was it he wanted?"

You paused. Tsunade saw the moment you began to close off again, but it was too late to backtrack now. The question had been asked. All she could do was hope for a helpful answer.

"That was three questions," you said instead, ignoring Tsunade's glower, "tell me what you meant."

Tsunade's exasperated glare only made your expression harden further.

"Before I was an agent, I trained under a man called Sarutobi."

Tsunade should have expected your violent reaction. She supposed she was getting old, as your immediate leap towards the gun still sitting on her desk startled her more than it should have and more than she'd ever admit.

You were quick. You'd lifted the gun and turned the safety off before she could get out of her chair. Yours was knocked over behind you, and your eyes were alight with fury. The grin on your face did little to mask your terror, and the laugh you let out almost sounded like a sob.

"You are HYDRA," you muttered. She wondered if you were even seeing her. It seemed like you were looking straight through her to something far, far away from where she stood, "you're tricking me. You...you're lying to Kakashi and Sakura."

"Just sit down," Tsunade said carefully, "and listen. You wanted answers, didn't you?"

"Not from scum," you spat.

"Sit," she said again, rising from her chair and glaring down at you, a pinprick of guilt nearly making her wince when you cowered away from her authoritative gaze, "down."

Your breath hitched, and you glanced behind you at the chair you'd knocked over, then back at Tsunade cautiously. You took a careful step backwards, keeping your eyes locked on Tsunade as you bent down to pick the chair up and right it. The gun was steady in your hand, and you looked unwilling to even consider giving it back to her.

"You must think I'm an idiot," you sneered, "I thought you said you aren't a Black Widow."

"I'm not."

"Hiruzen Sarutobi," you said venomously, eyes alight with fury and panic, "created the Red Room."

"Based on what we know, that might be true."

You looked seconds from launching over the table towards her. She understood your frustration—she knew that she was being cryptic, but HYDRA had a messy past. Even she didn't fully understand the Red Room's history.

"The Red Room was not originally HYDRA's program. It began at a time when SHIELD and HYDRA were very deeply intertwined—though SHIELD wasn't aware of that. Both organizations had their role in its development, and its original mission was simply to train women in the art of espionage.

"This was during the Cold War. Spies were in high demand, and SHIELD was starting to realize that female spies were particularly useful at a time when women were severely underestimated and overlooked. Sarutobi was at the front of the project, along with a few other high-profile agents. Some of whom were later exposed as HDYRA loyalists. I was Sarutobi's student before he began working on the program. He created the code that the Red Room still uses, and he taught it to all of his students before it was ever adapted for the Red Room, myself and Orochimaru included."

Your stare was impressive—she was almost intimidated by it. She knew that you likely didn't believe half of what she was saying, but she'd expected as much. No matter how much you hated Orochimaru, HYDRA's conditioning ran far too deep for it to dissolve in just over a year.

"After World War II, SHIELD thought it had destroyed HYDRA. They let their guard down, because they believed they had fulfilled their purpose. SHIELD was only created because HYDRA began gaining power. In the years following the end of the war. HYDRA had ample opportunity to replant its roots at the heart of SHIELD, where it could use its resources and recruit its people."

"How could they have known that they would take control of The Red Room from within SHIELD?" you asked, skepticism blatant in your tone. "Are you people really so incompetent that you couldn't stop them from taking the Widows from right under your noses."

"They didn't take it," Tsunade said, unable to keep some bitterness from her tone, "they destroyed it. After Sarutobi was killed, they took the few women who were willing to go with them, killed all the others, and fled. We didn't know they were HYDRA at the time—at first we thought they were Soviets."

It was a very crude explanation of what had happened—there were quite a few details that she did not feel she had time to delve into. If what Kakashi had told her about what Orochimaru had done to you over the past seven months, an overload of information was probably the last thing you needed.

"You still haven't explained what you meant," you said finally, eyes boring into her like you could extract the information from her by willpower alone.

"I gave you quite a bit of information," she retorted, folding her hands on the cluttered surface of her desk, "answer another one of my questions, and I'll tell you about Orochimaru."

The irritated look you were giving her was far more frustrating than it should've been. Earning some semblance of trust from you was likely not something she was going to accomplish as quickly as she'd hoped.

"Fine," you bit out.

She smiled, though she knew from your perspective it probably looked far more forced than it actually was.

"The night of September 27, we recovered Orochimaru's body in a room that you were found in," she began as gently as she could manage. Though it was barely noticeable, she didn't miss the shift in your expression. Your face went blank, all emotion draining from it in an instant. "Can you tell me what happened?"

The look in your eyes was...unsettling. She couldn't quite place the emotion, but it seemed far more detached than she'd seen you since the night they brought you in. Part of her wondered if it was a mask to gain her sympathy, but she dismissed the thought easily.

She'd gotten a brief glimpse of your face when she found you and Kakashi. The terror in your expression was as real then as the faraway look in your eyes was now.

"That's a complicated question," you finally muttered.

"We've got plenty of time."

Your jaw clenched, eyes falling shut. Tsunade thought back to Kakashi's exact words about the night you killed Orochimaru.

She had her memories back, he'd told her, but it was like holding a ghost.

"I'm—" you began, cutting yourself off with a wince, "I wasn't...in my right mind that night."

You looked up at her, and her heart sank at the look in your eyes. You were afraid. You were doing a good job of hiding it, but she had practice in seeing through masks like yours. This one was clear as day: you were afraid of what she would do if you told her the truth.

She guessed that your biggest fear was that you wouldn't see Kakashi or Sakura again. That she would lock you up and throw away the key.

"Kakashi told me that you gave yourself up to Orochimaru to save Sakura," she said, relieving you from having to say more for another few moments, "that couldn't have been easy."

"It was the easiest decisions I've ever made," you corrected, the haze clearing from your eyes. "Sakura was in danger. What else would I have done?"

Despite her frustration, Tsunade was having a very hard time not appreciating the sacrifices you'd made for her people.

"The past seven months are hazy. The clearest moments are of Kakashi—at least, Orochimaru's disguise of Kakashi. That night, when I came to, I was in a room with Orochimaru and..."

You glanced at her, pausing for long enough that suspicion grew in the back of her mind. She noted the hesitance and filed it away as an observation to return to later.

"And another HYDRA agent. When I saw Orochimaru, it was like...I don't know. It's hard to describe. It almost felt like waking up from a nightmare."

Tsunade could almost picture the scene you were describing. She thought back to the moment she'd found you, your eyes determinedly avoiding Orochimaru's corpse and your body wrapped up in Kakashi's.

Orochimaru must've seen the same thing she had that night. That was why he assumed that Kakashi would be your weak spot—that the idea of his betrayal would break you.

Clearly he underestimated the Widows. You were the one sitting in front of her.

"I shot Orochimaru, and then Kakashi found me."

The simplicity of that explanation was almost comical. Almost.

"That's all?"

You nodded, though you both knew she didn't believe you.

"That's all that matters."

You must've thought she was a fool.

Even Kakashi had seemed off since that night. He was clearly worried about you, but this seemed like something deeper. He had been just as closed off about the topic as you were, much to Tsunade's frustration. She almost threatened to cut him off from his visits to your cell, but she didn't think she'd be able to stand seeing him sulk.

"I grew up with Orochimaru," she said after a pause, "I know how cruel he could be. It was like he couldn't help himself—there was something in him that fed off of controlling others."

You blinked at her, that practiced mask still firmly in place.

"I don't blame you for anything might've done, both in the Red Room and outside of it. I'll be honest, you won't get a lot of support from other agents unless you can convince them that you're not loyal to HYDRA, but I'm your ally here. And an important one to have, at that. I want to help you, but you have to be honest with me."

You looked pained at the thought, and she couldn't say she blamed you. She knew she was asking a lot from you—to open up about things that you hadn't even told Kakashi to a complete stranger should not have been your only path to freedom.

But she needed you to cooperate with her. If you wanted to stay out of prison, she needed you to trust that, at the very least, she had your best interest in mind.

"I'm just like him."

Tsunade tried not to let her surprise show in her expression. She'd barely heard your whispered words, but they knocked the wind from her lungs none-the-less.

You and Orochimaru are two sides of the same coin. He chose darkness, but you are far more similar than you realize.

She'd buried Sarutobi's words a long time ago, and she cursed the man for coming to mind now of all times. But she couldn't help but see herself in you.

"What do you mean?" she finally managed, unsure where the steadiness in her voice had come from.

He's dead, Tsunade thought as she waited for an answer, he's been gone for decades. I shouldn't let him effect me like this.

"Have you ever wanted to make someone hurt so badly that you didn't care if you died so long as you brought them pain?"

The agony on your face was nearly unbearable to look at. She gripped the arm of her chair, forcing her expression to remain neutral. Though she supposed it wouldn't matter—you hadn't looked at her in so long that she wondered if you even remembered she was there with you.

She supposed she could give you some reprieve. If only to see your expression return back to neutrality.

"Sarutobi trained a three-person team. On it was me, a man named Jiraiya, and Orochimaru," she began. Your eyes shot towards her, eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Before he created the Red Room, Sarutobi was working on a project called Rebirth. The goal was to create an enhanced soldier with superhuman capabilities. He and Danzo approached Orochimaru about the serum they would use to do this, and Orochimaru volunteered to be the first subject."

Tsunade swallowed, remembering her conversation with Orochimaru the night before the test. She often looked back on that night as the last time she ever spoke to the man she knew.

"The project failed. The serum caused irreparable muscle damage that Orochimaru spent the next five years trying to reverse. He begged Sarutobi to give him the formula to the serum so he could try to recreate it, but Sarutobi wouldn't let him take the risk.

"Nearly a decade later, Danzo decided to revive the project. Orochimaru wanted to be the subject again, but they wouldn't take the risk after the damage that had already been done to his body. Instead, they chose Jiraiya, and this time the experiment was a success."

Your emotionless expression was far more unsettling than your anger had been. Tsunade almost wished you would pick the gun up again, if only to show her that you hadn't shut down completely.

"That was Orochimaru's breaking point, I think. There had always been a sense of competition between he and Jiraiya, but...I don't think he could handle seeing Jiraiya come out unscathed after his trial had failed so monumentally. He resented Jiraiya for being the success story, and he resented Sarutobi for continuing to keep the serum from him. Soon after, he tried to steal what remained of it, but Sarutobi found him. No one knows exactly what happened that night. Sarutobi's body was found, and the vials with the rest of the serum had been shattered, presumably by Sarutobi to keep Orochimaru from getting his hands on them. It wouldn't have mattered though. I believe Orochimaru had already made the decision to leave SHIELD.

"After Orochimaru fled, The Red Room broke down. HYDRA had already begun to recruit some of the women, and they took the opportunity to retreat from SHIELD in the chaos after Sarutobi's death. Four of them defected to HYDRA."

Tsunade closed her eyes, remembering the horror that had washed over her at the sight of so many women—women she'd known and trained with—killed in cold blood. They'd been ambushed in their sleep by the women who had decided to betray them long before that night.

She'd been the one to lead the effort to track them down and end them.

"The Red Room as we knew it died. The Black Widow program was HYDRA's invention—only the Red Room's name attached it to what Sarutobi had created. It was unrecognizable, and after all of its ties to SHIELD had been cut, it became impossible to find."

"I've been searching for the Red Room since before I became Director," she began, fingers woven together on her desk, "and I have made little progress on my own. I try not to allocate SHIELD resources to something that we knew so little about. Of course, these past five years have given me an excuse to take more direct action, but there was still frustratingly little we could find out. HYDRA has had a long time to learn how to protect their secrets."

Up until very recently, you had been one of those secrets.

She hadn't known what to expect from you when she first began thinking about this conversation. She'd initially assumed that you'd be useless to her—that Orochimaru had broken you beyond repair with his experiments. She wouldn't have blamed you for becoming the next victim to his cruelty.

But there was something in your eyes. Something that gave her hope.

"I want you to join SHIELD," she finally offered, "and help me destroy the Red Room."

Your walk to Tsunade's office had been purposeful, your stride swift and quiet. It had been the gait of a Black Widow.

The walk back was more of a trudge. You felt the energy slowly seeping from you with each step you took, all of it used up in processing everything Tsunade had told you.

A Black Widow joining SHIELD shouldn't have been possible. It couldn't have been. Yet the Director herself had been the one to make the offer. Who, if not her, had the authority to make such a bold request?

Danzo won't be happy, you thought with a scowl, he'll probably do everything he can to stop it. He's angry just having me here instead of shipping me off to some prison on the other side of the world.

Your interaction with Danzo had been limited, but each time you saw him left a sour taste in your mouth. He hated you, that much was clear. But there was something...different about the way he looked at you. The other agents you'd seen had been wary. Some even looked visibly angry because of your affiliation with HYDRA. But Danzo...there was something unsettling about how he looked at you. Almost as if he was stripping you down to your very core in an attempt to reveal your weaknesses. As if he could find all of the answers he needed to rid SHIELD of you once and for all if he simply searched hard enough for them.

His goal had been clear from the very beginning: he wanted you gone, but to do that, he needed to go over Tsunade's head. You weren't exactly sure what that entailed, but Tsunade didn't seem particularly concerned about it.

"I want you to join SHIELD and help me destroy the Red Room."

Her words still rang in your ears, keeping you from thinking about anything else for very long. She hadn't demanded that you join her cause, but the implication was still there: it would be far easier for her to get you out of your cell if you cooperated.

Destroying the Red Room, you thought as you shuffled across the floor, trusting that Tsunade would keep you from being seen by the security cameras for long enough that you could be slow in getting back.

It's impossible. Now that Orochimaru is gone, they've probably hidden somewhere far beyond my reach. Somewhere completely new. I'd be no help.

You would disappoint Tsunade. Your information was useless with Orochimaru dead. Yet, she'd seemed so certain that you would be a valuable piece to fulfilling her goal. Her determination had struck you—it had even made you consider, for a moment, that her earnestness was more than just wishful thinking.

She was just charismatic, You had believed in Orochimaru too, once. This was no different—just a new master to give you orders.

Your thoughts were a whirlwind by the time you reached the cell block. Absentmindedly, you pressed the silver card against the sensor at the door, pulling it open at the answering beep. You kept your eyes glued to the floor, still completely lost in thought as you made your way to your cell in the middle of the long corridor.

"Yo."

Your hand froze against the lock of your cell. You looked up at the same time that it beeped and clicked open, though you remained frozen on the other side of the bars.

Kakashi gave you a casual wave, Fahrenheit 451 open on his chest.

"What..." you began, blinking a few times to make sure you were seeing clearly.

He was laying on your small futon like it was his own, one arm behind his head and the other resting against the abandoned book.

It took you a moment to move past your shock, but once you did, panic hit you like a train, making you rush into the cell to get him out.

"What are you doing?" you hissed, glancing at the corner of the room to make sure the green light was still off. You felt only slightly relieved at the confirmation that it was, though that didn't mean it wasn't moments from turning on again. "You can't be in here!"

"Why no–" he began, though he cut himself off when you took his hand and began pulling him to his feet. The book on his chest fell uselessly to the side, and he nearly slipped on it as you pulled him towards the exit. You kept glancing at the camera, sure that once Tsunade had given you enough to time to make your way back to your cell, she'd have it turned back on. And Kakashi—

Kakashi had the nerve to look amused.

"What were you thinking?" you hissed, "it's one thing to be outside of the cell, but..."

This was enough to give Danzo reason to have him terminated. He was risking too much to be here already by just coming to see you. You had to put a stop to it. You had to make sure he didn't risk his position just so he could come on these stupid visits to your cell. You'd indulged in him too much already. You had to—

Hands fell on your shoulders, stilling your frantic attempts to erase his presence from the cell and silencing your spiraling thoughts.

"Tsunade knows I'm here," he said lightly, "she asked me to meet you once you were finished."

"You...you knew?"

He nodded. You swallowed, running an exhausted hand over your face and slumping back on your mattress, feeling the strong and sudden urge to just lay down and sleep for the next week.

But with Kakashi here, part of you wanted to savor this time. Despite your weak efforts to push him away, you still yearned for his presence. You'd forgotten how peaceful it was to simply be near him, and you almost felt as if you'd become addicted to that feeling.

Even after what you'd done, you wanted to be selfish.

"You're thinking too hard again."

You huffed, head falling into your hands as you took in a deep, trembling breath.

How were you supposed to do what Tsunade had asked? There was no world in which SHIELD accepted you as one of their own. You'd create a rift between Kakashi and the other agents. Sakura, Naruto, and Sasuke all had friends they cared for here. Would associating with you cause them problems too?

"I can't stay here, Kakashi."

His eyes seemed to pierce through you, leaving your thoughts and feelings exposed to his soft, inquisitive gaze. Rather than being intrusive, however, it was almost a relief. It felt like he'd taken some of the burden of your emotions, willing and able to understand them.

But how were you supposed to tell him that?

I told you to beg.

You were beginning to recognize the cycle that you'd become trapped in. Once, it had been Orochimaru's voice that haunted you. His words would repeat over and over in your head to a point that it became debilitating.

Now your own words had taken their place, reminding you of how little you belonged here, with people like Kakashi and Sakura. You were reminded of the darkness that had always been inside you—the darkness that was finally spreading into your words and actions.

You would not let them see it. It would not be exposed to them like it had been to you.

Next to you, Kakashi shifted, and you lifted your head from your hands and met his eyes. He'd pulled his mask down, a sight that was becoming far more comforting to you than you should have let it. He took your hand gently in his, fingers lacing through yours until your palms pressed together.

"I can tell that you've been trying to pull away from me," he said after a long silence. You looked up from your joined hands, and you hated the way your traitorous heart skipped when you met his eyes, "And if leaving is what will let you heal, I understand. I'm not going to try and stop you if that's what you need. But I–"

You swallowed against your dry throat when at the crack in his voice, your hand betraying your warring emotions as it rose to cup his cheek. He closed his eyes when your palm met his face, leaning over-so-slightly into your touch and releasing the air that he'd trapped in his lungs.

You'd forgotten, albeit briefly, what it was that you'd been so concerned about. You were beginning to regain your bearings after being so consumed by trying to comfort him and realized that you'd just done the opposite of what you'd intended by declaring your intention to leave, but the slate was wiped clean again when he covered your hand with his own, then turned his head just enough that he could press his lips to your palm.

His lips were soft against your skin, and so unbelievably gentle that you almost wondered if he had even touched you at all. Still, it felt as if warmth spread from his lips to every part of you, melting away your fear and hesitation and any motivation that you'd felt to leave.

"You can be free here. Tsunade will do everything she can to make sure of that," he finally continued, recovering his voice, "and I want you to stay. There's nothing you could do to change that."

Selfish, someone whispered in your mind. You'd expected it to be Orochimaru's voice, as it always had been in the past, trying to convince you that you were nothing but a parasite to Kakashi. Instead, the familiar voice of the Widow hissed in your ear, craving the solitude that she had always known. You'll only put them in danger if you stay. You've become the monster that you killed.

"You don't understand," you croaked, hating the way your voice broke. You squeezed your eyes shut, unable to look at Kakashi any longer without breaking. "I'm not...good. I'm not good enough for this."

You had no idea how to explain it to him in a way that made sense. The Widow understood, and she'd convinced you that the only thing you could do for Kakashi was to let him go, but you found that you couldn't articulate the logic of it to him.

Why won't he just understand? you thought, desperate for him to push you away too. Desperate for any easier way out than leaving him of your own accord, why won't he...

Kakashi's hand fell to your shoulder, where your bullet wound was slowly beginning to heal again. He blinked, fingers tracing over the spot where the stitches were beneath the layers of fabric and bandages.

"I did this to you," he finally murmured, eyes falling shut, "and I'll never forgive myself for it. What makes me any more worthy than you?"

"You were protecting Naruto."

"You wouldn't have hurt him," Kakashi shook his head. "I was afraid, and I took the cowards way out."

He was right to have been afraid. You had been lost, completely and utterly so. You still weren't sure what would have happened if Kakashi hadn't stopped you that night.

"Help me understand what you're thinking," he said quietly, fingers tightening around yours, "it's okay to share your burden with me."

You opened your mouth to tell him that you couldn't—that your burden wasn't his to bear—but a choked sob escaped you instead. You pulled your hand from his face to cover your mouth, eyes wide as you stared at your lap.

This would be so much easier if you'd seen what I did, you thought desperately, and hated me for it.

"When I...killed him," you finally whispered. Kakashi's hand tightened on your own, and you wanted to hate the strength that you found in his steadying grip, "I made him suffer. I...I made him beg.

"I was cruel, just like he'd raised me to be," you continued, afraid to meet Kakashi's eyes and see the softness of his gaze shift to revulsion. You're just like him, the Widow whispered, you are not the protector now. You will be feared, just like him. You will be what others are protected from.

"He was kneeling at my feet, bleeding and bargaining for his life, and for a moment I understood his addiction to it. I relished in the sight of him so weak. He was defenseless at the end, and injured enough that I could have left him alive, but I wanted to see him dead. I wanted to feel what he'd always felt. To finally understand his desperation to keep control. And I did. I felt it. And I hate myself for enjoying that feeling."

Looking at Kakashi now felt impossible. You were almost certain of what you'd see. Hatred. Disgust. Revulsion.

He'd never want to see you again. He'd never let you near Sakura again.

You wanted him to go without another word, leaving you and your pollution behind. If he went now, maybe it would be a less painful than if he told you how disgusting you were for becoming just like Orochimaru.

You were jolted from your thoughts when gentle fingers lifted your head by your chin, raising it until you were facing him again.

"You deserved justice," he said firmly, "and you left his cruelty behind with him. It died with him."

You wanted to believe him. You wished more than anything that the Widow would leave you behind and retreat back to her cage.

You knew Kakashi could see the warring emotions on your face. The hesitation clashing with the desperation. The guilt clawing at the desire. Finally, he released your hand and took your face between both palms, looking between your eyes with renewed intensity.

"You are good," he said firmly, "and you deserve so much more than he ever gave to you. You deserve to choose how you want to live."

You couldn't. You couldn't. Why was he refusing to understand that?

You were so desperate for the peace that you'd once felt with him and the kids. It was a life you desperately craved after it had already been ripped away from you once.

But it was fragile.

"What if..." you choked, terrified that voicing the fear that you'd buried deep within you would make Kakashi see how selfish you truly were.

It would expose the scared little girl that Orochimaru had always seen you as. She would be stripped to her core and left to crumble into dust.

"What if I come back, and then everything is taken away again," you finally croaked. "What if this darkness consumes me, and I have to leave you behind."

Selfish coward, the Widow hissed.

"I wish you could see yourself through my eyes," he muttered, close enough that you could feel how addictively warm he was. His hands fell from your face, resting around your waist and tracing down your spine. You fought a shiver, too comfortable in his presence to be frustrated by how easily he was abating your fears and making you forget how desperately you needed him to leave before he convinced you to stay.

"It's not selfish to choose how you life," he said, voice barely above a whisper.

He must've seen the pained look on your face. He looked so desperate to convince you of what he was saying that part of you wanted to give in just to make that expression lift. Another part warned you that you'd only make things worse for him in the long run if you took the easy way out.

But that voice was getting quieter, drowned out by something entirely new. It was a stranger's voice, though she sounded like you, and she wanted more for you than the Widow ever had.

You'd hurt him. You'd brought him and Sakura and the others so much pain, yet he was here, trying to convince you to stay. Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto were waiting for you despite what you'd done.

Would it change things if they knew what you'd done? If they knew what you'd become, even if it had only been for a moment?

"Sakura is safe. Naruto and Sasuke are safe. I'm safe," Kakashi said firmly, "You're free."

HIs eyes shone in the fluorescent above you, filled with a desperate kind of hope that made your chest ache.

"What do you want?"

I want to be safe. I want to free. I want to be happy. I want to be with Sakura and Naruto and Sasuke. I want to help them learn and grow. I want to see them succeed. I want to see Sakura heal. I want to heal with her.

You wanted to be honest. For once, you wanted to be honest with yourself. He knew what you were. He knew what you were capable of, and he was choosing to stay.

Maybe that was enough. Maybe, for the first time, this happiness didn't have to be temporary.

"This," you finally breathed, the word a soothing balm against your throat, "you."

Peace.

Kakashi had always had an uncanny ability to make you feel weightless. Even when you'd barely trusted him, his voice had kept you anchored in safer waters.

Now, as your lips met, you felt like you were drowning.

The debilitating fear and self-hatred that had taken root in your chest were ripped apart by a wave of euphoria. Kakashi's lips were just as soft as they had been against your palm. You were so used to rough, unforgiving hands that his touch felt like a breath of fresh air. Butterflies exploded in your stomach as his hand slipped around your waist, pulling closer until there was no space left between you.

His lips moved slowly against yours, parting for gasps of air between intoxicating clashes of lips and and hands and skin.

Yes, you were drowning. Drowning in the soft press of his lips against yours. In the firm hands that held your waist. In the feel of his skin against your palms.

He was a bottomless sea, and you were sinking willingly into its depths.

You pulled back with a gasp, eyes barely opening before he was pressing another kiss to your swollen lips, chasing after you as you attempted to catch your breath.

"Kakashi..." you whispered into his lips.

"Hm?"

"The cameras," you muttered breathlessly, "they might turn on soon."

"Tsunade gave me an hour."

You let out a muffled laugh against his lips, and he parted from you long enough to meet your eyes.

I could stay in this moment forever, you thought. Soft puffs of air hit your cheeks as he caught his breath, though his gaze was shifting between your eyes and your lips, grip on your waist anchoring you to his chest. You could feel the rapid beat of his heart against your own, certain that yours was no different. I want to hold on to this feeling.

You brushed your fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck, an unfamiliar weightlessness consuming you as you took in the look in his eyes. They were filled with a tenderness that you had seen before—on the balcony the night before you left with Orochimaru. During the nights you spent together, both of you finding solace in simply being close to one another.

Even when you'd feared him—despised him—that softness had remained.

"Is this what being human feels like?" you asked quietly, wondering if this was a feeling that everyone experienced. If this kind of peace was universal.

Kakashi pulled back just enough that you could meet his eyes, face flushed and lips swollen. You nearly stopped breathing at the sight of him, but his hands on your waist gently reminded you of to take in a deep, shaking breath.

His smile was soft and small, but still full enough to drown in.

"I hope so."

(previous chapter) | (next chapter) | (series masterlist)

Author's note | omg this one took so long, i'm sorry for the wait! i started grad school, so i've been kinda swamped in work. i hope it was worth the wait though! i've been so excited to release this chapter. there's a lot that happens and i've read it so many times at this point, so if there are things that don't make sense don't hesitate to let me know!

i'm currently going back and editing this fic to make sure there's plot coherence since i'm starting to work on the second series (i've already written some!). i'd also love to write one-shots in between the two series, so if y'all have any requests or things you'd like to see feel free to send an ask on tumblr or leave a comment with some suggestions!

see y'all in the last chapter (for now), and don’t forget to leave me some love!

title is from “Spiracle” by Flower Face

[sakuradeservedbetter91]

Title: Between the Sheets (of copy paper)

Rating: M (for now)

Chapters: 1/2

Pairing: Sakura/Kakashi

Tags: modern au, office romance, hate at first sight (to lovers), there was only one bed, forced proximity

Summary: Sakura hates him. She really does. Kakashi has been nothing but a pest who's ignored her since she started at their publishing company, and now they're forced on a work trip together to babysit one of their most prolific authors. And yet. Now she knows what his true smile looks like when it's not aimed at someone he doesn't like, and he defended her. Doesn't matter. She hates him. She does. She really does.

Or maybe she doesn't hate him at all.

Written for @rosebrided for the Secret Valentine's event in the @scarecrowsandcherryblossoms server! 💕💕💕

Link on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/63186856

[cool-thymus]

Hello there! To answer some of your questions in the tags (mind you, it's going to be long):

The overall story-idea was Good/Konoha loyal!Obito being Kakashi's lover on the battlefield. He thinks, but never vocalises his concerns about Kakashi. Kakashi, who is always doing his utmost best, always so dependable, strong, the perfect soldier. But Kakashi isn't invincible, and he's crumbling under all the weight the world (and himself) puts on his shoulders. Kakashi, who can only ever be vulnerable when no one sees him. But Obito knows but doesn't say. So he lets his actions speak and picks up his lover and embraces him, tries to soothe him.

BUT even if this is the original idea, there are many possibilities and I couldn't choose one so I changed the outcome of the few pages a lot. This is a bit my problem, soI struggle with flow and paneling a lot.

There are so many interesting ideas to explore after all!

It is his Father's signature sleeve pattern! I just kinda love the idea of Kakashi wearing it to honor his father (and sometimes/most of the time I HC it as a clan thingy!)

The rest is more 'up to interpretation of the viewer' but I'll type my thoughts on it:

Storywise:

The idea started - like I mentioned - as Good-Obito finding a distressed Kakashi. But I started to draw Obito in his War/arc uniform, but then I thought 'hmmmm maybe Obito is Akatsuki here?' So this can both be 'Teammate Obito in a fancy outfit' OR 'Akatsuki/Mizukage/stalker!Obito' who keeps an eye on Kakashi.

Then another idea I got: "What if it is Konoha-loyal-Kakashi and Akatsuki!Obito having a forbidden/secret relationship??" Like, the loyaltyconflict Kakashi must have! The pull Obito feels towards a past and furture with Kakashi by his side (lover or friendship-wise), the 'what did I get myself into??' of both of them.

The scarred arm: or a slip of control on Kakashi's part where he couldn't control his Chidori OR/AND afterwards he'd had flashbacks and started tearing up his arm like he did in the anime after Rin's death. (Rin is still deceased in this short comic)

Outfit-wise:

The War!arc Obito outfit is one of my faves overall (except the high neck, but hey... can't have everything can we?) and I have a great dislike for the standard Konoha vest in general. Idk. It's not his colour? So I decided to draw that.

Voilà, my thoughts on the little comic ^.^

OMG!! Rose, thank you for sharing your vision! 😍🙏🌻 Obito soothing Kakashi by just being gentle with him is very Obito of him. I frequently find myself thinking that in their dark moments, obkk would be mostly silent, relying on proximity that would give them comfort and a sense of security. Especially the way you drew that embrace - i'm sure it worked on Kakashi and made him feel if not better, but safer.

"A forbidden/secret relationship" between Konoha loyal Kakashi and Akatsuki Obito! YES! I'm a big fan! I have a personal daydream au where good Jounin Obito leaves the village bc he doesn't support the cruel politics of the hokage and the higher-ups and essentially becomes a rebel. Kakashi doesn't follow him, but they can't stay apart for too long, bc they worry sick about each other and still meet in secret. Your illustrations fall in line with this hc of mine and it makes me daydream HARDER xD These are the comments for this beautiful post, check it out if you've missed it 💛

[dark-elf-writes]

So I know it's been a while since you talked about venomous naruto but I was reading through it and:

Kakashi has a break down, maybe Tenzo got hurt on a mission, or Naruto got hurt, or something else, but it gets revealed the real reason he avoids Orochimaru even all these years later. He's convinced he's cursed. That he'll get Kaa-chan killed like Otousan, Minato-sensei, and Kushina-nee. (Maybe he had planned to rebuild his relationship with Orochimaru before the Kyubi attack reinforced these thoughts. Kakashi was supposed to be the one to introduce Naruto to Orochimaru.)

Then the snake family decides Fuck that. They snatch Kakashi up and trap him with family bonds (a dog isn't escaping a nest of snakes, especially when his instincts want to stay). One of the siblings are always close to him. Kakashi tries to call kidnapping bet is informed "It’s enforced family bonding, not kidnapping Kashi-nee!" The hokage tries to demand Kakashi back for missions only for Orochimaru to firmly inform him his son was taking a well-deserved vacation.

(Anko finds out Kakashi has fangs and hides them and is extremely jealous. )

This made me reread through all of venomous Naruto and I am screaming about it tbh

I could see it post wave which is always going to be stressful no matter which version of the au it is BUT Kakashi struggling with his perceived failure to his students and/or the death of an entire child (Version dependent) and he just can’t anymore. He’s so tired. So exhausted. So alone. He is breaking but he shatters completely when he opens the door to his apartment and finds Orochimaru leaning against the far wall, waiting for him.

It all rushes to him then. The loneliness, the betrayal, the feeling of how much he missed having a mother around.

Oro is there to catch him before he can crumble or run. He isn’t entirely sure which. And then the whole confession spills from him.

Cursed. Kakashi is cursed. He has to be.

Orochimaru hisses under his breath, so familiar both from his childhood and from years of proximity with Oro’s children.

“We are too similar, little wolf,” Orochimaru breathes into Kakashi’s hair like he used to when Kakashi was small. The man his father had been planning to marry. The only mother figure he could ever remember. “You are no more cursed than I am.”

Kakashi doesn’t fight when Orochimaru takes him back to his own home. Doesn’t fight it when Naruto, face still red and more than a little tear streaked, crawls into his lap. Doesn’t fight it when Tenzo presses his back against Kakashi’s in a steady reminder that his six is covered. Doesn’t fight it when Anko settles against his side to cover his blind spot. Doesn’t fight it as Kabuto’s chakra rolls over him in soothing waves, healing the injuries he had been ignoring since before they left wave.

As far as kidnappings go, it’s a gentle one. And one that Kakashi doesn’t see much of a reason to fight if he is entirely honest

[kakashixhatakesxwhore]

Such Effort VI

Pairing: Hatake Kakashi x f!Reader

W/c: 5k (a vast departure from where we started)

Warnings: Talk of alcohol, a bit suggestive, swearing, Kakashi trying to talk about his feelings, long as fuck

Summary Post 🔮🔮 Masterlist

Previous Part

You fucking dolt.

Why'd you tell him that you're a virgin? That's the perfect way to scare a man away.

There was no saving you, your liquored tongue or your lapse of judgement. All you could do was wish those words back into your mouth, and for Kakashi's mind to be wiped of this night entirely.

"No shame in that," he hummed, though he had had a clear physical reaction to your confession. The way he tensed, how long he blinked, the stutter in his breath- cripes, you were so stupid, and he was trying to console you about it.

You shook your head and sped up your pace, though it was probably just to Kakashi's regular speed. "Au contraire; lots and lots."

"That's silly." Fuck, is he as drunk as me? You thought at the liberty in his cadence, Fujita's going to kill me. "So, is it that you never-"

"Man, who said that was a conversation point," you whinged immediately, hiding your face behind your hands. "I just... cripes, I guess you got your juicier detail, huh?"

Kakashi chuckled lowly, which relaxed you. You peeked at him from behind your fingers, which only made the deep rumble pick up to a proper laugh. Feeling like he was laughing at you, though not maliciously, you put your hands down and shoved him lightly on the shoulder. It barely budged him, but Kakashi swayed for your sake.

"Say something else," you commanded him with a grin. "I'm wallowing in embarrassment right now."

"Alright," Kakashi purred, taking a step closer to you as the two of you made your way down the main road. "What do you want to talk about, if not your virginity isn't-"

"Shut up, shut up!" Laughing, you grabbed Kakashi's bicep, and shook him with all your might. He laughed as he let you move him, head drifting back and forth. You huffed, holding onto him from the exertion of trying to shake the mountain of a man, "Anything but that..." Then you sighed, tightening your grip and leaning on him as you walked. "Let's talk about... fuck, let's talk about what you're doing in a pub, after I give you bedrest."

Dropping your grasp of his arm, you took a step to the side, creating a small chasm of space between you, and looked at Kakashi accusatorily. He, in all of his nonchalance, just snickered happily and leaned back as he walked, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"You said you'd be there, so how could I resist?" He replied quaintly.

Rolling your eyes a little, you remarked, "I didn't invite you."

"I know, and it broke my heart," Kakashi grinned, not looking the least bit heartbroken. Then his smiley cadence faltered when he added, "Watching you dance with someone who wasn't me was... terrible, something I never want to see again."

"Can you dance, Kakashi?" You asked.

Kakashi lead you around the corner of his street, off the main road, and then took a step in front of you, turning to face you and block the way. He put out his hands and smirked, "Assuredly, better than Raido."

"Mm, I dunno," you hummed, taking Kakashi's hands lightly. "Raido and I have been dancing together for years - he knows my flow better than-"

"Yeah, but my flow compliments your flow, so everything pans out." 

There was no arguing with Kakashi as he brought your hands up, then down, taking a smooth step back as he did. The movement pulled you both in a dancer's bow, and you giggled at how seriously he was taking this.

Then, Kakashi drew both of you up and released your left hand, letting his right arm drop to encircle your waist and pull you close. Your breath hitched in your throat at the sudden proximity, being able to fully feel the radiating heat from Kakashi's body.

He looked down at you with kind, half-lidded eyes as he started to lead you in a very fast dance.

It wasn't what you were expecting.

His citrus scent beguiled you as he swayed you to an invisible beat. Still, Kakashi's sheer rhythm infected you; it made you smile so wide that your cheeks hurt, and had you feeling all hot and syrupy inside.

"This is not a three step," you laughed as he twirled you and pulled you close again.

Starting on a sequence of double-steps backward, so intricate that you had to look down at your feet as you copied him, Kakashi chuckled, "Can't keep up?"

"Watch it, grandad," you hissed, looking up for a second. "I'm just surprised a man of your age has such slick moves."

"A man of my age?" Kakashi laughed loudly, spinning you both in a circle in a three step that more closely resembled a six step. "Just you wait, girly- the second you're past twenty, I'll tell you how decrepit you are."

"Why I oughta- fuck-" Kakashi slung you away, then back into his arm, making you seethe, "You-"

"Yeah, alright," he grinned, squeezing your waist with his large, warm hands. You bit back a whimper, but Kakashi's ears were too sharp. Immediately, he groaned, "Fuckin' tell me Raido doesn't get that kind of reaction out of you."

All you could do was squeak a no as Kakashi began to twirl you, fast. Once, then twice, then thrice-

"Fuck, fuck, okay, okay, you're the best dancer ever, Kakashi," you cried out with a laugh, slipping your hand from his and collapsing to his chest, pushing him all the way to the nearest wall.

The world was spinning, and you were entirely aware of that fact in that moment.

"Kakashi?" He repeated. Your head snapped up, and eyebrows furrowed, but Kakashi just chuckled, shaking his head, "Mm-mm, no one by that name here."

"Oh, stop-"

"Serious," Kakashi purred, only making that syrupy feeling spread across your body.

Getting your bearings back, you figured, what the Hell, so you played along. You tried pulling away from Kakashi's chest, but he wrapped his arms around you, keeping you in place against the wall. Huffing and puffing, you squirmed, which only made Kakashi's chuckle return as his arms tightened.

"So, who are you?" You grumbled, trying to wiggle out of his hold. "I don't wanna just be out, on the street, with some guy-"

"Oh, baby, y'breakin' my heart tonight," he crooned. Fuck, his voice was so rich, so fucking delicious. Your mouth started to water, but Kakashi squeezed your hips, bringing you back to reality.

"'m sorry, pretty boy," you sighed. "That's the last thing I wanna do."

"And we're back in business." You raised your eyebrows, and Kakashi partially let go of you, only to start walking again with his arm slung over your shoulders. He leaned on you, and sighed happily, "My girl is mine, again, after all."

"I was never- nevermind."

"No, no, say what you were gonna say."

Your cheeks flamed red. You weren't going to make the same mistake of revealing yourself twice. Not so close in succession. "No, fuck you." 

As you said it, you ducked from under his arm and started to run away. You didn't get so much as five good steps in before Kakashi's other arm was hooked around your waist, pulling you back immediately. 

"Tell me." His tone was so friendly that you thought it almost didn't match the conversation. Sliding his arm around your waist, Kakashi rested his hand on your hip with a porcelain grip, as he hummed, "Or would you rather I go first?"

"Beg your pardon?" First? Okay, he really got you with that one, you hadn't the foggiest clue what he was talking about.

Sensing your utter confusion, Kakashi chuckled lowly, and looked at you. His eye found yours easily, capturing them, and giving them nothing else to see. Exhaling deeply, you felt a smile creep onto your face, and you did nothing to stop it.

"Okay, fine, but I've never done this before," Kakashi sighed. Something he's never done? Creator above only knew- "Okay, okay, I can't fuck this up, let me collect my thoughts here."

"You're starting to scare me, sweetheart," you admitted, though your smile didn't falter. 

He chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck, then tore his gaze from you. Quietly, almost as if he didn't want you to hear him, Kakashi mumbled, "I'm scaring myself."

"Alright, then let me go first," you offered, not wanting Kakashi to put any undue strain on himself, though still not knowing what you were jumping the line for. Turning his head to look at you amusedly, Kakashi nodded toward you, eye glinting in the moonlight. Oh, yeah. First for what? 

You could do a cartwheel... or rhyme off the Hidden Villages of each Land, in alphabetical order... list ten carcinogens found in household items... was this a secret talent showcase, or something? You wished you had Gerald with you, then; he could jump into your sleeve and climb to your shoulder vertically, spin, do mazes made of books...

"Yeah, nevermind," you laughed lowly, shaking your head and looking away. "I don't know what's going on- I might've had a gin tonic too many."

"Gin?" He repeated, nose scrunching up.

You nodded vigorously, licking your lips. "Yes! Dry, not Old Tom, for sure."

"Eugh." Kakashi shuttered around you, making you laugh as he asked, "Everything alright in the home?"

"Cripes, no, which is why I have a bottle of Navy Strength on my dresser," you told him, wiping a faux tear from your eye. "And gin is not eugh, it's so yum."

"Whatever you say, crazy lady-"

"Hey, hey, you get to be pretty boy, and I'm slapped with crazy lady?" You quipped, seeing Kakashi's apartment complex coming up and feeling dread rising in your throat.

Holding you so tightly to him that you threw your arm around his waist, Kakashi hummed, "I'm sorry, my sweet, darling girl, light of my days."

"That's more like it, thank you." You weren't even the one who demanded the pet names in the first place, but they did make that syrupy feeling turn into a strange, full-body heartbeat, which you quite enjoyed. Melting into Kakashi's side, you asked absentmindedly, "Do you really like me that much?"

You just sounded so stupid- holy shit. What a beggar. A compliment-fisher. 

Before you could distract him from your stupidity, Kakashi stated, "I like you so much." You looked at him with a raised eyebrow and he sighed, "Like, so much. More than I can describe."

The Sunken Cost fallacy occurred to you, and you figured you were very much in the hole already; why not press on?

"Try it," you shrugged. Kakashi looked at you with a similarly quirked brow, which made you giggle, "Let the gods take the reins, and you'll surely come to come adequate description."

With a small smile blooming behind his mask, the silver haired man took a deep breath, then said, "Okay, fuck it, here goes."

Maybe, just maybe, he was operating under the same fallacy.

Abruptly, just before Kakashi's building, he moved the two of you to the edge of the sidewalk and came in front of you, taking your hands in his again, but this time not to dance. 

With another deep breath, Kakashi's revealed eye traced over your connected hands, then up your right arm. He moved across your chest, stopping at your mother's sparkling brooch, before trailing up your neck and over your face. 

Mercifully, his eye connected with yours, and a glint caught your attention. You could see a sheen of sweat collect on his temple, and your worry took over.

"What is wrong, sweet boy?" You asked, concern lacing your tone. Taking your left hand and bringing the back of it to the exposed, right side of his face, you clicked your tongue and remarked, "Tch. You're burning up."

"Nothing is wrong," he assured you, taking your hand back in his and bringing it down. "Everything is so right, and that's why I've been... pussified."

"Pussified?" You laughed. Kakashi's smile deepened impossibly and he looked down to your hands again. "The scariest shinobi, in all the land, has been pussified? What ever could have this power?"

"You think I'm scary?" Kakashi asked, sounding nervous and granting himself a brief glimpse of your face.

You smiled, shaking your head, "Nah, you don't scare me, not anymore."

Kakashi nodded a nod that had his hair bouncing. He looked back at your hands as his thumb traced over your knuckles. "Good," he mumbled. "I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I scared you."

"I've got quite the affect on you, huh?" You teased, knowing damn-well that he affected you so much more.

"Indeed, you do, you gorgeous woman," Kakashi answered, like it was obvious. Then, he sighed, "You affect me more than you know 'cause you're... so different... you're the kind of girl that fits in with my world, and I... I just... need you-" Then he started speaking so fast, he started to trip over his own tongue, "-I need to tell you how... how much I like you, and how much I wanna- want to love you, and hold you, 'n' kiss you, 'n'-"

"Woah, woah, woah, slow down." 

Fuck, you could've jumped for joy if Kakashi wasn't right in front of you.

"I'm sorry," he immediately said, squeezing your hands harshly. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't've-"

"Eh, eh, no take-backs," you interrupted. Kakashi's eye jumped to your face, full of a certain flavour of fright. You chuckled lowly, and smiled broadly, which did nothing to relax the silver haired shinobi in front of you. With a breath, you told him, "I... feel the same way."

Narrowing his eye, Kakashi leaned his head back and asked, "Do you, now?"

"Hey, I've been into you since you pulled me over, way back in October, so I don't wanna hear it-"

"You have?" He seemed genuinely shocked by that revelation.

You scoffed, "You say that like you don't own a mirror." Stretching your neck out a little, you added, "No, seriously, I was totally enamored with you-"

"Was?" 

"Am," you corrected begrudgingly. "Are you going to question every single thing I tell you, or are you going to kiss me? Because, it's looking like-"

In an instant, Kakashi let go of your hands. One of his hands cupped your cheek, while the other came to the bridge of his nose. He brought you close, and you could smell... tequila? Only for a split second, before he pulled the fabric from his face and pressed his lips to yours before you could admire him for even a breath.

Oh, definitely tequila. His lips were so fucking warm, and so fucking soft. You hummed into the kiss, unable to withhold it, and Kakashi's arm came around your waist, bring you infinitely closer as his tongue ran along your bottom lip.

A shiver ran up your spine, and you could feel fireworks within your chest. Your head started spinning, and you stopped being able to feel the ground beneath your feet.

You pulled away and immediately ducked your head into Kakashi's shoulder. You wanted to scream, and jump, and cry, all at the same time, and all for joy.

"That wasn't your first kiss, was it?" Kakashi asked, pulling you into a hug. All you could do was shake your head, feeling a swell of some strange, unnamable emotion. You'd mull it over later; for now, you pushed it aside as Kakashi sighed, "Ah, I could only be so lucky."

"So- so- so- so, what... what are we doing?" You asked, bringing your hand to your lips and feeling the lingering tingle of his.

Kakashi pulled you away from him, and smiled. You could see his lips pull up, and the way his smile lines defined his face. You could see his smile, and you never wanted to stop seeing his smile. As your eyes roamed his face, his revealed eye did the same to yours.

A little while passed, and you felt no need to move. Not until you got your answer, at least, and this was a great pastime.

With a shallow breath, Kakashi broke the silence, and said, "We're doing whatever you want to do."

"Terrible idea, I'm demanding as fuck," you joked warmly.

"I've never seen you demand a thing," Kakashi countered swiftly, the corner of his lip quirking as he spoke. "And if you've just been hiding that from me, I'll give you anything, everything - if you want things."

"I don't want things... just you."

"Then, you have me."

You narrowed your eyes, sucking on the inside of your cheek. Cautiously, you asked, "So... are we going steady, then?"

"Do you want to go steady?"

Fucking stars, man, you just wanted an answer. "Obviously, I do - do you?"

"Yeah," he hummed contently. "Exclusive, right?"

"Is that not the point of going steady?"

Putting his hands up in mock-defense, smiling broadly, Kakashi chuckled, "Just making sure Raido doesn't have a chance with my girl."

"None at all, and I fear you may have ruined my dancing with him," you replied with a laugh, feeling lighter than air as the circumstance set in. You were talking to your boyfriend, now. You were spoken for, now. 

"Oh, no," he quipped, feigning worry. "How ever will I live with myself, if my lover can't dance with other men?"

Feeling a bit shameful, you rolled your eyes and scoffed, "Bugger off."

"I was going to propose quite the opposite, actually." Cripes, why did he have to be so suave? Your attention was piqued, and Kakashi noticed, basking in your questioning gaze for a moment before he grinned, "We should pop up to my apartment, have a couple cookies, and get to know each other, outside of our files."

"How untoward," you teased.

Without his mask, you could see how clearly Kakashi displayed his emotions with his mouth. The smile fell from his lips in an instant, and he said, "I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"Oh, take a joke, boyfriend," you laughed, hooking your arm around his and moving the two of you toward his complex. "Besides, just 'cause I'm a pure, naive, little virgin doesn't mean I have any objection to pre-marital acts... I just don't... haven't ever enjoyed the company of a man so much, before."

"Awe, are you saying I'm the Chosen One?" Kakashi cooed, at some point having put his mask back on, moving up the steps to his building's front door. 

"Well, if we were characters in some fantasy story, sure," you shrugged with a smile as you ran up the stairs. Reaching the top first, you pulled open the door and bowed deeply, motioning Kakashi into his own building like he was a daimyo. "My liege."

"The Hell are you doing?" He chuckled as he walked past you and stopped, waiting for you to join his side. 

You did, gently closing the door behind you as you answered, "Doesn't the Chosen One deserve kingly treatment for being the hero of the story?"

"Mm, he only ever gets it from the Lover at the very end of the tale, and we're only at the beginning."

"And what the Hell am I in the story, then? Fuckin' Igor?" Getting into the staircase, Kakashi laughed loudly, shaking his head and trying to tamp it down. The vibrations bounced around the walls so beautifully, letting Kakashi's melodic laugh last longer than he let it. With a sigh, you added, "Don't you think that's a crime, anyway? The Chosen One not getting an ounce of love until the end of the story?"

Kakashi shrugged as he climbed the stairs, "He wouldn't be much of a character, without any trial or tribulation."

"Yeah, but too much hardship turns the Chosen One into the Villain," you argued. Making it past the second floor, you huffed, "And too many fucking stairs turn this Igor into a shaking mess- how you do these stairs every day, I do not know."

Making it to a landing, Kakashi stopped and turned to you, waiting for you to join him on the landing. You were grateful for the break, until it turned out to not be a break.

Sweeping you into his arms, in a bridal hold, Kakashi started climbing the stairs again as if nothing had happened.

"Are you not... man, I'm heavy, you're gonna-"

"You're as heavy to me as a cat is to a bear, Lover," he told you, voice firm and unwavering. He didn't sound very taxed, or even a little winded. "If it weren't for my side, I'd be able to carry you with one arm, and a tuba in the other."

"Now you're just trying to impress me," you laughed, shifting your weight to the side you knew was unaffected.

Not denying you, Kakashi hummed, "Is it working?"

"Very much so, but I'll need to see some proof."

"You just let me know when you get your hands on a tuba, darling."

How did conversation flow so naturally between you and Kakashi? There were very few people you routinely talked to that seemed to be able to stand you, but he seemed to do much more than just tolerate you. It seemed to you that you had finally found someone who could you could play off of, and you were shocked by how easy it actually was to speak to him.

Slowly, but surely, the remaining hours of night bled into the early hours of morning, while the two of you sat on Kakashi's bed. His mask was left abandoned, around his neck, the second the two of you were in the privacy of Kakashi's apartment. Over the night, you two shared an innumerable amount of tea, and cleaned off the plate of sugar cookies that you had brought over earlier, while talking.

And talking. And talking. And talking.

Neither of you could stop the flow of conversation, even if you tried. There was always something to say. Your topics ranged, from the gossip you'd picked up from Genma's friends, to traumas, to completely theoretical, philosophical problems surrounding the undue bloodiness of the life of a ninja.

You divulged every inch of your backstory; your parents' deaths during the attack, and your consequential clinging to Genma; how you would throw up at the thought of harming someone else, but were given the goriest patients in your early apprenticeship, because you had the strongest stomach; even down to the one other boyfriend you'd ever had, Kamizuki Izumo. You were only fourteen, but you thought you really did like him. You didn't - not if liking someone was supposed to feel how you felt now, with Kakashi.

In turn, Kakashi pulled back all the redaction that you had been previous affronted with in his file. He told you about his mother, then his father, and all the shame. Then, he told you about his Genin team... and the events that surrounded them, which only piled more shame onto Kakashi's shoulders. The shame then became attached to his will to prove himself a valuable member of society within the Leaf, he told you, which pushed him into the ANBU. He told you about the Nine Tails attack, from the perspective of Lord Fourth's lead guard, and then the following guilt he held. He told you about his current position in the specialized force, but couldn't give you anything further.

"I'm sorry, it's just for-"

"Hey, man, I had to enter into an NDA with the medical corps, too, don't worry," you assured him, clutching you tea close enough to your face that the steam was making you sweat a little. "Confidentiality is such a fucking thing in this village; all anyone cares about are secrets."

"Too true," Kakashi agreed, dunking one of the final cookies into his tea. You wondered how the sencha would do with the biscuit, and watched Kakashi's reaction. He bit it, then scoffed, "Fuck, we should have been doing this the whole time."

"It's that good, huh?" You followed suit before Kakashi hummed his affirmation, dunking the last half of cookie into your tea and biting it. It fell apart in your mouth, and the bitter undercut of the tea really did work well with the fullness of the kinako powder. You nodded, "Can't believe I haven't tried that before."

"Well, there are a few things I can't believe you haven't tried," your boyfriend remarked with a teasing smirk. Before you could respond, Kakashi's air turned anxious and he asked, "Anyway... do you want to know about my... previous engagements, or...?"

"Honestly, no." Your answer seemed to relieve both of you, but Kakashi still raised a brow in question as he finished the cookie. With a small, bashful smile, you explained, "The idea of you being with someone else kinda makes me... sick? Nauseated, that's for sure."

"I hear that," Kakashi chuckled as you popped the last bit of your biscuit in your mouth. He drank the last bit of tea in his cup before leaning to put it on the ground, then asked, "Are you jealous, or is it something else?"

"Oh, fuckin' right I'm jealous," you admitted, sipping your tea. Kakashi laughed lowly, and you shrugged, "I want you so bad, and it's gutting to know that other people have had you already." Your nose twitched, and you couldn't stop yourself from adding, "Especially when one of those people is my best friend."

That wiped the smile right off of Kakashi's face. Even you could feel a small pang in your chest, feeling the weight of your words on your tongue. It finally occurred to you that Kasumi would find out about your evolved relationship to Kakashi, either by the grapevine, or your own mouth, and she would certainly not be a happy camper, either way - no matter how many promises of permission she made.

"I meant what I said at the izakaya, as mean as it was," Kakashi mumbled, making you purse your lips and look down at your tea cup. "Though I meant it more like... if I had known you were there, waiting for me... I would have waited for you."

"Waiting sucks, man, you wouldn't have fucked with it," you joked, to Kakashi's surprise. Still, after the initial shock wore off, his smile crept back into his face as you said, "But I'm glad I did... my first time would have been wasted on someone I didn't really like."

"You really like me?" Kakashi asked, in a test of the teasing variety.

You nodded and looked at him with a grin. "I really, really like you."

"Take that, double it; that's how much I like you."

"Not a chance, Lance Romance - you can't even conceptualize how much I like you."

"Peanuts," he dismissed with a grin. "You know the universe?"

Feigning a moment of ignorance, you tapped your chin and asked, "The infinite one?"

"That's the one," Kakashi nodded, reaching out to bop your nose with his index finger. "My like for you is bigger than the infinite universe, tenfold."

"What a sap," you chortled, finishing your cup of tea and setting it on the ground before you laid back, onto Kakashi's crossed legs. With your head in his lap, Kakashi tensed for a second, before settling more comfortably and brushing the hair out of your face. 

"So very sappy, for you," he hummed, fingers trailing down your cheek to cup your face on either side.

"Then how's about a kiss? My lips are awfully cold," you offered, still feeling a bit novel at all this.

Kakashi's fingers encircled the underside of your jaw as his eye traced your facial features slowly. He hummed, contemplating his answer, and taking his time. So much time that you got anxious, and started biting your lip.

With his index finger, Kakashi pulled your lip down and looked at the glistening of spit for a second before he leaned down without a word. You angled your head up to meet him, but you were in a strange position, so there wasn't much you could do.

It was an odd kiss, that felt almost funny, but still sent wild electric shocks through your body. It was the upside-down-factor, but that didn't stop you from giggling against Kakashi's lip. He pulled up with a smile, looking down at you in your joy. "Don't tell me you're laughing at me."

"'Course not," you grinned, sitting up to be on your knees. "It just felt weird to have your nose tickle my chin."

As his eye darted between your lips and eyes, you got Kakashi's message and leaning forward with a smile, for another kiss. Your lips met his so kindly that you almost groaned at the contact.

Pulling you onto his lap without breaking the kiss, Kakashi's arms encircled your hips loosely. You were tired, your liver was crying, and your pussy throbbed - so, when Kakashi shimmied you both into a more prone position on his bed, you were game for anything.

You pulled up as his kiss got a bit slower. And you looked at him. 

The yellow light from his light fixture gave his skin a wonderful glow, and you wondered for a moment if Kakashi spent any time in the sun. He was a man made for the night, you figured, the light in his eye held far too many stars to not be.

Without a word, you rose from his chest and padded over to the light. You pulled the chain till it clicked, then washed the room in darkness. 

Strips of the sunrise peered through the curtains, and you could hear mourning doves if you tried hard enough. The faint buzz of Kakashi's fridge and his soft breaths were the only sounds that filled the room, which left you the room to breathe. A feeling of peace came over you, being surrounded by Kakashi's fresh citrus scent.

"C'mon, sweetheart," Kakashi called softly from the bed. "How's about a cuddle? I'm feeling a chill."

So, with a small, contented smile, you strode over to the bed and climbed in beside Kakashi. He tucked you under his arm, and held you to his chest. Ripples of heat came off of him still, and you put your hand and head to his chest to see if his heart was beating irregularly.

"Relax," Kakashi mumbled, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. "You'll be able to check me out properly in... three hours, so we better rest up now."

Turning your head up, you caught Kakashi's lips again. The kiss was lazy, and so very slow, but it felt so right, and soothing to both souls. It lingered, as you laid your head on his shoulder and Kakashi craned his neck, but, soon, the throws of sleep began to call to you both.

Gentle as a kiss, a tear drop, or a star's twinkle, you two drifted to sleep, wrapped in each other's embrace; finally, having left nothing unsaid.

A/n: how do we feel? did we fw this?

[leviackermanstoes]

List.

Goon June is upon us, and I need to write desperately. I am mostly writing for anime characters.

How to request:

Send in a message with a prompt or two and a character (or two) send in an emoji for a prompt and catalyst as seen below. Will also write au's!!

(look ngl I lowkey don't know what I'm doing or how to set this up. But if anything shown down below isn't what you're looking for, then please send in something different) apologies

-----

Characters I will write for:

Eren yeager

Jean kirstein

Connie springer

Light yagami

Levi ackerman

Sephiroth

Leon kennedy

Satoru gojo

Suguru geto

Sukuna ryomen

Kakashi hatake

Kyojuro rengoku

Erwin Smith

Sasha braus

Armin arlert

Reiner braun

Azriel (acotar)

Eris vanserra (acotar)

Rhysand (acotar)

Rowan whitethorn

Dorian havilliard

Chaol westfall

Lucien vanserra

Prompts to write for:

🧡 =hate fucking

💋=degradation

💥=praise

⭐️= enemies to lovers

🍒=strangers to lovers

🍋‍🟩=forced proximity

🎇= spin the bottle au

✨️= mutual masturbation

🥼= threesome

🚫= striptease

🍊= tending to wounds/nursing

🚺= soft

Catalysts to write for:

👗= be a good girl for me

👒= come on baby, you know you can

🛍= such a dumb slut aren't you?

🐶= stay still or I'll make you

🥉= that feel good mama?

🎈= fuck you and fuck your stupid mouth

⚜️= you miss me that much huh?

⚠️= my darling girl, aren't you such a pretty thing?

🥥= yell at her again, I dare you.

💠=I wish you had've stayed

[erumai-maadu]

chandu all of those wips sound legendary omg. if i ask about all of them this answer is gonna be wild so instead:

"i need tenten and sasuke to be best friends" because i need that too

YES, the friendship we all needed to see so bad!! @darkyukifr you also asked abt this one so here you go!!

this one is several snippets through the years of Tenten and Sasuke’s friendship, in an AU where Sasuke actually stays in the village and learns under Anko instead of Orochimaru. This fic basically starts from post-chunin exams (explaining why sasuke decides to stay in the village) up to after the war.

After the chunin exams, Naruto still leaves with Jiraiya for 2 years, and most of Sakura’s time goes into getting a medical degree at age 12, so Sasuke is left to train with Kakashi and Anko. And Anko being a tokujo, hangs out a lot with Genma, who’s also taken on a student! guess who!

So by sensei proximity 2x, Sasuke and Tenten keep hanging out, and find out they have a lot in common. Sasuke likes Tenten's attitude and the fact that she takes no shit, and is actually really fucking good at what she does. They nerd out about swords together, and she helps him practice his taijutsu when they're not working on their respective specialties with Anko and Genma.

Anko also likes to crash Genma and Tenten's training sessions (he's teaching her sealing ofc) to pit their students against one another, and Tenten and Sasuke get really competitive with each other. Sasuke learns a lot of his shuriken tricks from Tenten in this fic, and she's the one that gives him those papers that he had shuriken sealed in. Ugh I could keep going but I don't wanna give too much away in one go.

There is also some fun stuff I'm trying to explore in the background with Tenten's feelings of inadequacy very specifically when it comes to Sakura, because in this fic, with Naruto gone, Sasuke and Sakura basically become besties, so she often comes by to spar or train with him when Tsunade isn't making her do hospital rounds, and runs into Tenten a lot.

This fic is also fun because I've made the active decision to not have any ships present. It's going to be tough because I sometimes reflexively write in background hints of ss or nt but this time I really don't want any ships to be present here. I want this fic to be purely about the friendship and bond between tenten and sasuke.

[pinepickled]

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

🌵 ⇢ share the link to a playlist you love

❤❤❤

❄️❄️❄️

THIS IS HARD!!!! When I dream of a fic, I simply write it.... there is one genre of fic that I really adore but can't bring myself to write and it's daemon aus, as in His Dark Materials. I *adore* the sort of "spirit animal" concept but I just can't write it myself! And this AU is so rare I can barely find any fics for it, especially in modern fandoms!!! It's such a dilemma for me, I'm begging *anyone* willing to write it.

I find myself wanting existing fics to update more, though. For instance, Whumpbby has a couple fics they haven't updated in years (no hate obviously, that's just how the cookie crumbles sometimes) but their Reaper76 one and Voltron Gijinka ones are really good and I am BEGGING for more. [Linked below)

🥤🥤🥤

Well, I can't recommend enough! Aside from the ones above, there's:

want to see your animal side by blackkat (but blackkat has said they want to distance themselves from this fandom so.... sigh). It's a Naruto yokai au Kakashi/Zabuza fic that's deliciously spicy and builds on Naruto's lore nicely. This is the fic that inspired my own fic series In the Snowfields!

Pretty Hyung Who Buys Me Food by InBooks which is a S Classes that I raised fic, Sung Hyunjae/Han Yoojin ofc, where instead of regressing 5 years, he regressed 20 and lost his memories 👀 sweet and funny and adorable, highly recommend

Never Ever by LostOzian (their archive) is a Tiger and Bunny fic, Omegaverse bc that's how we roll, where Tiger hasn't smelled a compatible Alpha that he liked ever, until Barnaby came along. The tension is so tight it could be a yaoi uke's asshole. Highly, highly recommend if you like slow burn and forced-proximity

A World of One Color by The Big Roman (Hammocker) is a Roman Sionis (Black Mask)/Jason Todd fic series that I drool over every time I think about it. Sadistic yet caring Roman and a Jason desperate to be loved, muah. Chefs kiss. Honestly anything in the Jason/Roman ao3 tag is perfect.

Designation: Miracle by Umisabaku is a kuroko no basket fic with all the classic pairings (and a curveball with my favorite, Akashi/Furihata) which is a sci fi au of KNB. Her summary is the best so I'll just copy:

"It's been three years since seven human experiments, called "Miracles," escaped Teiko Industries, alerting the world to the presence of super-powered children. Now they're finally integrating into society-- going to normal high schools, playing basketball, falling in love-- and trying to find out if it's possible to truly escape their past."

I find it so difficult to get into plot-heavy fic, especially these days, but this fic is a downright masterpiece. I can't emphasize enough: if you're going to read anything on this list, read this. The plots emotional and technical beats never disappoint, and Umisabaku has a rich and wonderful range of OCs that are just as if not more interesting than the characters we know. They've also written stunning original fiction you can find on their Tumblr!!! @/umisabaku

Tear into your Soul by Nirejseki. Just kinky fucked up Hashirama/Madara/Tobirama goodness.

🌵

Phew, that last section got long. Believe it or not, I don't really listen to Playlists! I let YouTube Recommended decide lmao. Here's one I enjoy though: https://youtu.be/nGjtdh5T9II

Thank you for the asks <3<3<3<3<3<3 I love doing these!

[shigaraki-housewife]

- Before You Follow -

~ Please Read before requesting ~

- DNI Information -

• If you are a minor DNI with my NSFW posts. You can however interact with my SFW posts. But at the end of the day I ain’t your parents/guardians so I can’t force you not to interact with my NSFW. But I prefer if you kindly respect my boundaries and DNI with my NSFW contents :)

• If you are an ageless blog I will not block you since I don’t know you age BUT this is your warning that I post NSFW content on here! So do not report me since this is your warning!

• If you are here to spread hate you will just be blocked, no question asked

• If you are gonna be homophobic/transphobic, racist, etc, I will also just block you since this is a safe place.

- Request Information -

• Character/Reader:

- Add as much or as little details as you want!

- If you don’t let me know what gender reader you want it’ll will automatically be GN!Reader

- If you are an POC please let me know and I’ll make the reader that POC :)

- Will Do F!Reader, M!Reader, GN!Reader, POC!Reader, FTM!Reader, MTF!Reader and Plus Size!Reader

• Character/Character:

- Add as much or as little detail as you want!

- If it’s NSFW let me know which character you want as bottom/top or I’ll choose :)

- I will do Trans!Character

- I will do both platonic and romantic relationships

*Note: if you chose Dabi (Toya) let me know if it’s Dabi or Toya! If it’s Toya let me know if it’s an AU where he didn’t become a villain or whatever :)*

- Anime’s I write for -

Bungo Stray Dogs: Any characters (besides Kenji, Kyouka and Teruko)

Black Butler: Sebastian, Snake, Claude, Undertaker, Joker, Grell, William, Agni, Mey-Rin and Ronald

Haikyū: Any Characters

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Any Characters

Jujutsu Kaisen: Megumi, Gojo, Itadori, Toge, Maki, Getou, Nanami, Mahito, Mai, Sukuna and Toji

My Hero Academia: Preferably Shigaraki, Dabi (Toya), Twice, Toga, Aizawa, Hawk, All Might (True form), Chisaki, Shinso and Amajiki. But I’ll do any :)

Naruto: Itachi, Pain, Kakashi, Shikamaru, Madara, Gaara, Naruto, Sasuke, Minato, Neji, Kiba, Sasori, Temari, Deidara, Zetsu, Tobi, Izumo and Kotetsu

Attack On Titan: Erin, Jean, Levi, Hange, Sasha, Mikasa (Maybe), Erwin, Armin and Connie

Angel Of Death: Isaac

Diabolik Lovers: Shu, Reiji, Kou, Laito, Yuma, Subaru, Ruki, and Ayato

Chainsaw Man: Denji, Makima, Aki, Power and Angel

Demon Slayer: Giyu, Rengoku, Akaza, Muzan, Ubuyashiki, Sanemi, Iguro and Tengen

HunterXHunter: Chrollo, Hisoka, Illumi, Feitan, Kite, Ging, Meruem, Neferpitou and Shaiapouf

- What I’ll Write -

• SFW

• NSFW

• Textfic

• Oneshot

• Dribble

• Head Cannon

• SFW/NSFW Alphabets

• AU’s

• Incorrect quotes

- Do And Don’t -

Do:

- Angst: Major character death, breakups, happy ending, arguments, cheating and unrequited love

- Fluff: Getting together, proposal, first kiss, confession, first holiday together, anniversary, birthday, comfort, etc.

- TextFic: Angst, Crack, Fluff

- Head Cannons: SFW, NSFW, dating, How (character) would (Blank), etc

- AU: Soulmates and University

- Mental/Physical Health: Any

- Tropes: Enemies/Lovers, Friends/Lovers, Rivals/Lovers, Grumpy/Sunshine, Fake relationships, Fake relationships/Real feelings, Forced Proximity, Love Triangle, Forbidden Love, and Everyone can see it

- Other: Stalking, Stockholm syndrome and kidnapping

•NSFW:

Bondages, Blindfolds, Dominance, Asphyxiation, Face fucking, Humiliation, Impact Play, Mirror Sex, Masturbation, Voyeurism, Breeding Kink, Exhibitionism, Praise Kink, Edge Play, Orgasm Control, Somnophilia (Constantly), Over Simulation, Dumbification, Dom/Sub, Spit Kink, CockWarming, Branding, Sex Toys, Dacryphilia, Size Kink, Oral Fixation, Threesomes, Temperature Play, Knife Play, Daddy kink, cum eating, degradation, mind corruption and cockolding

Don’t:

This is mostly for the NSFW but I will not do any type of body fluids (besides spitting), nothing that isn’t consensual but that also includes CNC rape, any type of date drugs, age play, foot fetishes, fisting (It’s not my cup of tea), necrophilia, incest of ANY kind including step siblings. I will also not do any minor/adult stuff ESPECIALLY NSFW and romantic! I’m sorry but I will not do Mommy kink either! Also I won’t do AOB (Alpha, Omega, beta) and Mpreg.

Maybe:

• I understand that many people have different type of coping mechanisms and like to read things that helps with it! So these are some of the things that I MIGHT write!

- Abuse: Mental, emotional and physical. If you request any type of abuse just know that it will NOT end with you staying in the relationship!

- Suicide: If you request for the reader or a character to die for Angst reasons I MIGHT write it. But if you want it to be where the reader or character is suicidal and someone comfort them please write it so I know!

- Ships I’ll Write -

Bungo Stray Dogs:

Dazai/Chuuya

Dazai/Doppo

Rampo/Poe

Atsushi/Akutagawa

Tetcho/Jono

Black Butler:

Sebastian/Grell

Sebastian/Claude

Snake/Joker

William/Grell

William/Ronald

Haikyū:

Kuroo/Kenma

Hinata/Kageyama

Oikawa/Iwaizumi

Nishinoya/Asahi

Tsukishima/Yamaguchi

Daichi/Sugawara

Akaashi/Bokuto

Wakatoshi/Tendō

Tanaka/Kiyoko

Hinata/Yachi

Ukai/Takeda

Yaku/Lev

Kiyoko/Yuchi

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure:

Jotaro/Kakyoin

Dio/Jonathan

Abbacchio/Bucciarati

Narancia/Fugo

Weather/Anasui

Jujutsu Kaisen:

Megumi/Itadori

Gojo/Getou

Gojo/Nanami

My Hero Academia:

Shigaraki/Dabi

Aizawa/Present Mic

Hawk/Dabi

Kirishima/Bakugo

Momo/Todoroki

Deku/Todoroki

Deku/Bakugo

Denki/Jirou

Aizawa/Midnight

Denki/Shinso

Naruto:

Naruto/Sasuke

Izumo/Kotetsu

Attack On Titan:

Levi/Erwin

Levi/Hange

Sasha/Connie

Jean/Erin

Chainsaw Man:

Denji/Aki

Denji/Power

Aki/Angel

HunterXHunter:

Hisoka/Illumi

*Note: This does NOT mean I will not write for any other ship you might have! This is just ships that I like or is really popular :)*

- The End -

Thank you so much for reading until the end! If I didn’t mention anything that you might have questions about please don’t hesitate to send an Ask and I’ll answer it as soon as I can!

Also please be aware that if you send an ask/request all the characters will be age up to be 18+ since I will NOT write NSFW Content for minors!

[itischeese]

bls consider

Obito: ugh having crushes is the *worst*, whenever i have a crush on someone I ALWAYS act stupid around them!!! Kakashi: I don't see how that's any different from normal for you, you're *always* acting stupid even if i'm the only one there to see it. Obito: Rin: Minato: Kushina: Kakashi: why are you all looking at me like that

YOIFEEWYHIEFW YES.

[akamikazae]

12 and 19 for the fic asks?

(Also: hello! Hi! I hope your season has sprung and there’s colors and joy all around!)

Hello my dear! Its lovely to hear from you and hope you’re doing well and that wherever ya are the sun is shining and the flowers are bloomin’ ❀₊⊹ 

12 A trope you’re really into right now?

I have been spiraling down the BNHA hole for far too long with my Aizawa x OC fic so I’m very into that right now, idk what it is but that tired srunkly man has got me in a chokehold!!  I am always into forced proximity of any kind, the sloooowwwwest burn for this one, big time yearning + longing. A dash of my beloved monster girl ‘trope’,  a dose of sickfic - since Aizawa can’t catch a break T_T and my Oc is a doctor. A teeny tiny bit of drunk 'confession' — which is more so just drunk flirting 

19 The most interesting topic you’ve researched for a fic?

Ohhh I love doing research! Its my favorite part of any project. Gosh I feel like I have so many things and am still drawing a blank. Anything related to my KakaKami 18th cent. Japan au, I’m trying to keep it as historically accurate* as I can, Kakashi is a disgraced Samurai and Akami is an Oiran. I’ve found some really fascinating books on Oiran from that time, and the functions/hierarchy of the houses and how they differed from each of the main pleasure districts. I’ve found some info on the style of hair + makeup application + what fabrics + materials would have been popular at that time, etc, etc. Really anything relating to a specific time period is always fun for me, even if its a stupid tiny detail no one else notices. For my KakaKami longfic, I’ve done some research into weapons and for my BNHA some more digging into nerve therapy and neurological functions and brain chemicals. I love it all <3 

Thanks again <33 fic writer asks

[panharmonium]

au spinoff of my sister @padmerrie’s modern-day bookends au (au-ception!) where kakashi takes responsibility for sasuke after his family dies except in the early days kakashi is still rooming with obito because they’re 21 and broke and still in school (and haven’t had their semi-falling-out yet).  obito feeds sasuke nothing but pizza and soda and couldn’t get him to school on time if you paid him but he does always have the biggest, happiest smile for the smallest, saddest kid.

[crimsonalchemistress]

Dynamics I would've loved to see in Naruto, in no particular order

Sasuke and Temari in a low-stakes combat team-up, mostly played for laughs. I just really want to see her use her Giant Fucking Fan to power up Sasuke’s fire attacks to comedic levels of Too Much™. Would they have chemistry? Most likely no. Is the idea still hilarious to me? Hell yes it is. Although I can see both of them enjoying the ensuing chaos/horrified shock in their own ways.

Lee and Omoi team-up. The megaphone of the Power of Youth™ with the sentient anxiety disorder is, again, very fucking funny in my head, especially with how they would annoy everyone around them from completely opposite directions.

Kabuto being jealous and petty towards Sasuke for stealing Orochimaru's attention. Like he knows Orochimaru is just trying to get the Sharingan but also Orochimaru was his master first not Sasuke's but goddamn pretty boy gets everything he wants, doesn't he?

Sasuke and Shino friendship. They had A Vibe going during the Konoha Crush arc and it's a shame we never got to see it again.

Sakura and Kiba meddling while trying to get Hinata and Naruto together. Half the time they'd be at each other's throats and the other half they'd take turns holding each other off from pounding Naruto for doing something stupid.

Ino and Naruto (andHinataMyPoorBabyGirl). Same thing as Sakura and Kiba but for getting Sakura and Sasuke together. Except now Hinata is involved due to her proximity to Naruto and she has to keep both of these Loud Blonde Idiots in line. God help her when Sai decides to get involved.

Sakura, Tenten, and Lee as a genin team(definitely going more into AU territory here but whatever). Not a single ninja nepo baby in sight, all hard work and skill, no genetic or inherited skill.

Sakura and Karin comforting each other after the Five Kage Summit arc. Sakura deserves more girl friends and nothing brings girls together quite like talking shit about men. It just would've been so sweet and maybe even a little gay to see them work through their feelings together.

Kiba and Naruto friendship. I think it speaks for itself. Barely half a brain cell between the two of them. The antics they would get up to. The people they would piss off. The migraine medication Sakura would be dependent on while keeping them from getting into too much trouble. It can be so personal, y'know?

Kakashi and a therapist. 'Nuff said.

The Mizukage's boot and my sternum

[anyon-else]

Will You Remember Me As I Am Now? (The Red Room pt.10) | For the first time in your life, you understand what true happiness feels like, and it's both exciting and terrifying. You know now that you have to hold onto it before it's ripped away. (Marvel AU) – spotify playlist | read on ao3

Pairings | Kakashi Hatake x Black Widow!Reader + Sakura Haruno, Sasuke Uchiha, Naruto Uzumaki, Orochimaru, Kabuto Yakushi

Warnings | female!reader, fluff, hurt/comfort, angst, abuse, violence, guns, manipulation, nightmares

Word count | 9.3k

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"A burnt child loves the fire."

Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

Life was pleasant.

You hadn't realized that a feeling like this existed. For as long as you could remember, your existence was contained within a small echo-chamber where you learned only about the world's cruelties. On a good day, you didn't add another scar to your seemingly never-ending collection. On a bad day, someone died at your hands. The bad days were often more frequent than the good ones.

But now, it seemed that the Red Room and all of the pain associated with it was just a distant memory. Even your nightmares had slowly faded away, only reappearing between long periods of restful nights.

The dizzying change wasn't necessarily hard to accept. Especially when you were becoming so attached to what your life had become.

Tonight, you'd been invited to Sakura's first movie night since she'd gotten back.

Kakashi was on your right side, tired eyes straining to focus on the movie. Naruto sat at his feet, leaning back on his legs and nodding off every few minutes. Sakura was pressed against your left side, leaning in your shoulder with a small, content smile. Sasuke was on the floor next to her, leaning just slightly on her legs and watching the screen with interest.

According to Sakura, movie night was a fairly normal activity for the four of them. Before she was taken, they'd had one at least once a week. However, when Kakashi had asked you to join them, he told you that this was their first time continuing the tradition since Sakura was taken. He could never bring himself to suggest it without Sakura being there, and Naruto and Sasuke never brought it up either.

So, while Sakura probably saw this as her reintegration of a continuous and simple tradition, you noticed the way that Kakashi glanced over the three kids fondly. Every now and then, you'd catch him looking at each of them as if taking a head count, just to make sure he had all of them there.

You couldn't remember what the name of the movie they'd chosen was. In all honestly, you were barely paying attention. From the moment Kakashi had sat down at your side, close enough that his arm was pressed against yours, you'd felt your heartbeat spike. Frustratingly, it refused to lower despite your best efforts to focus on the movie instead of the proximity.

This had been happening more and more recently. It frustrated you that you had little control over the way you reacted to his presence, and even more infuriating was that you didn't know why.

And you couldn't ask him. The thought alone made you want to crawl into a hole. But it was also becoming troublesome; it was getting harder and harder to sleep in the same bed as him when your heart was beating out of your chest. Some nights you worried he'd hear it, but he seemed perfectly normal.

So normal that it aggravated you.

Why were you so effected by his presence, yet he seemed perfectly fine? He slept peacefully. He rarely got flustered. He was acting the same as always, and while you were grateful that he wasn't confronting you about any odd behavior, it didn't seem fair that this mysterious nervousness was only effecting you.

However, now wasn't the time to ponder on the reasons. It was all you could do to keep your heart from racing. It was unfamiliar and unpleasant enough that you wished your body would just calm itself down without your intervention.

You were disappointed in yourself. Could you really not control anything about your body, from your actions to your feelings?

Sakura glanced at you when you shifted, trying to adjust and put as much space between you and Kakashi that you could. If it was the physical contact that made you so nervous, you knew that you should've just told him that you didn't want him touching you, but this felt different from the unpleasantness that you generally associated with touch. You were so confused, and it infuriated you.

Sakura was giving you continuous and frustratingly obvious glances whenever Kakashi shifted. You knew that she felt your heart-rate pick up, and this new tangle of emotions was not made any less frustrating by her knowing looks.

At one point during the movie—which you'd discovered through short intervals of attention was about a friendship between a fox and a dog—you noticed Sasuke's subtle nudge against Sakura's leg. It would've been easily mistakable as a shift in position, but the small glance that he shot her was painfully obvious to your well-trained eyes.

For a moment, neither Sasuke nor Sakura moved, and you felt it acceptable to let your guard down and shift your attention back to the movie. However, the moment you lifted your head, Sakura leaned closer to you and pressed herself into your side. She sighed happily as she pushed much more than her full weight on you, and while it wasn't necessarily strange that Sakura clung to you like this, her movements ended up crowding you against Kakashi's side. You were practically hip-to-hip now, though Kakashi didn't look anywhere near as startled as you felt by the change. In fact, he smoothly and nonchalantly pulled his arm from between your hips and laid it over the back of the couch behind your head. Your eyes widened, and your heartbeat picked up again despite his arm being a few inches from your neck. Sakura looked at the new position, and you wanted to shove her off the couch when a smug smile spread across her lips.

Kakashi, much to your chagrin, didn't look the least bit phased. He and Naruto were completely engrossed in the movie, oblivious to the silent war that you'd decided to start against Sakura and Sasuke.

"Psst," Sakura whispered, loud enough to pull Kakashi's attention away from the screen, "you're heart's beating pretty fast. Are you feeling okay?"

You heard the false concern in her voice, and you met her forced frown with a glare, pointedly facing her rather than Kakashi when he raised a brow at you and Sakura.

"I'm fine," you grit, closing your eyes when Kakashi's hand fell to your back to feel your racing heart for himself. He you'd become far more comfortable with his touch over the past few weeks, but now it was beginning to have the opposite effect that you wanted. You thought your heart might burst from your chest if this went on any longer.

"It is beating fast," Kakashi muttered, misguided concern in his voice. He probably thought you were having a panic attack, "you don't have to stay. Do you want to go back to our room?"

Our room. Damn him. Sakura covered her mouth to hide a snicker and Sasuke was grinning like a cheshire cat. Damn them too. Damn it all.

"Yeah," you said hoarsely, clearing your throat and stepping away from his touch, "that'd be good, I think."

You left the room quickly, steps echoing in the vast space of the lounge. The movie continued playing, and you released a heavy sigh when you entered Kakashi's room.

This was a fairly recent phenomenon. Your nervousness hadn't been this bad last week, and the week before you'd been perfectly content in Kakashi's presence. You'd still been able to sleep somewhat soundly, though you'd recently started facing away from him at night. It was hard to tell whether that was a result of growing trust or increased nervousness.

God, you were losing it. You were a spy. A former Black Widow. You were better than childish crushes, though you were really doing your best to convince yourself that there was something else going on. Unfortunately, that was the only explanation that you could come up with.

You couldn't really be blamed for it, though. Not when you got to see his face night after night, mask discarded like he was completely comfortable being so vulnerable around you.

It made you overthink to an infuriating extent.

You sat on the bed, thinking hard enough on this revelation that you'd slowly come to over the past week that you barely heard the door opening behind you. The fleeting hope that it was Sakura coming to check on you vanished when Kakashi's familiar weight sank into the bed.

"Sakura said I should come check on you," he said, and you closed your eyes. She really had it all planned out.

"I'm fine," you told him, careful not to let any emotion into your voice. What that translated as was a cold and closed-off response, which was likely not going to make him feel reassured by your answer.

"It's okay if you're not, you know."

Everything was becoming irritating. Kakashi. His unending patience. His warmth. How secure you felt around him. It was too good—too...safe. It was completely different from anything you'd ever experienced.

"I am," you sighed, deflating at his gentle tone. He nodded, leaning back on his hands and looking up at the ceiling.

A few months ago, the idea of adjusting to a place like this would've made you laugh. It hadn't been safety that you wanted, it had been routine. Order. Even if it was enforced by pain. In fact, that was something you were so used to that you would've welcomed it with open arms.

But even though the person you'd become was a far cry from who you were, you found yourself becoming more and more comfortable with yourself as each day passed. Each time Sakura laughed at your joked, or Sasuke asked to spar with you, or Naruto asked if you wanted to have ramen with him, you wondered what you had done to make them willing to spend time with you.

You wondered what you had done to make Kakashi feel safe in your presence. You wondered and wondered, but even when no answers came, you felt content.

You woke later that night frozen on your side of Kakashi's bed, gripping the sheets and trying to force yourself to breath. Tears rolled silently down your cheeks and dampened the pillow below you, but you were paralyzed, unable to move to wipe them away.

Kakashi hadn't stirred. It gave you the chance to collect your thoughts, though that was easier said than done. It had been a few weeks since your last nightmare, but your reaction to them kept increasing in intensity. You had grown too used to a pleasant night's sleep. Now your nightmares seemed even more daunting than before, and the idea of sleeping without Kakashi was equally as terrifying.

It took a few minutes to get your stiff limbs to begin moving. Eventually, you stood from the bed and shuffled towards the door to Kakashi's small balcony. The air was crisp, and you took in a deep breath once you'd closed the door behind you.

Your gut was churning.

Things had been quiet at the compound since you and Kakashi finished the mission. Your wounds had fully healed, and with less prominent marks than many of your other scars thanks to Kakashi and Sakura's superior medical care.

Everything was fine. Nothing was out of the ordinary, and HYDRA didn't seem to be a threat to you now. Your previous suspicious that Sakura was still in danger despite Kakashi's reassurances were disappearing with each day that passed, as was the fear that you were losing your mind. Adjusting was becoming easier and easier, and it seemed that way for Sasuke and Naruto as well. You were fitting into their little family with more ease than before.

But looking out at the calm, clear night sky, you felt a familiar, unpleasant feeling in your stomach. It was probably the Widow whispering in your ear, convincing you that all of this was too good to be true, but you felt that there was something else. Something that was giving you this gut feeling.

"Maa," Kakashi muttered behind you. You listened to each of his footsteps as he walked to your side; now, with your lingering sense of dread, it was harder to focus on your nervousness. You studied the surrounding area carefully, looking for a threat that had likely never been there in the first place, "aren't you cold?"

Right. It was the middle of winter, and the middle of the night, but you'd neglected to wear a jacket. In all honestly, you'd barely noticed your poor clothing choice, too caught up in your panic to think of anything but the endearing pull of fresh air.

"A bit," you shrugged, "I just wanted to come out for a second. I'll come back in soon."

Kakashi shrugged, but before you could stop him, he had disappeared inside and returned with a jacket. You'd seen him wearing it when he left the compound for missions, and he generally kept it hung over his desk chair. You felt your nervousness returning when he draped it over your shoulders.

His hands brushed against your arms as they pulled away, and you closed your eyes to try and stop yourself from visibly shivering. Every time he did that, you wanted to grab his hand and keep him close, just to stay in his peaceful presence a little bit longer. The foreign urge made you want to scream; a few months ago, you would have scoffed at the idea of feelings like this. They made people weak and soft.

But now you understood the appeal to a frustrating extent. You still heard Orochimaru's voice like a devil on your shoulder whispering in your ear, telling you that this was why so many Widows died before their time. Their feelings—their humanity—were their downfall. And you'd always looked down on them, just like all the others.

How had you become your own worst fear in so little time?

Was this the person you'd hoped to become? Had you ever hoped to become anything?

You stood with him in silence, listening to the wind rustle the trees and scanning between the trunks, triple checking that there was nothing lurking just out of view.

"What's bothering you?"

It was only logical to tell him about this foreboding feelings, but you also didn't want to raise any alarms if you were just getting worked up over a gut feeling. You had no desire to send Kakashi on another goose chase—not now that things had actually calmed down enough for him to relax.

"Nothing."

He accepted your answer with a nod and further silence. It sent a rush of gratitude through you, and you turned to face him before you could think better of it. You ignored the Widow's voice and Orochimaru's reprimands in your head telling you that acting on childish feelings would only create weakened resolve and depleted strength.

But you felt powerful when you were with Kakashi. Orochimaru's teachings had far too many holes for them to have the same grasp on you as they did before. Especially now that you understood more accurately what humanity entailed.

It felt like freedom.

Kakashi met your gaze, elbows still resting on the railing, but he shot up when you lunged at him. He was frozen in place as you wrapped your arms around his waist, keeping him locked in a tight hug. You were unsure of yourself, and you worried when he didn't respond to your gesture that you'd done something wrong—were hugs meant to be this tight? Should you have given him some sort of warning? Sakura had never minded hugs like this, but that was different. Hugging Sakura never made you feel like your heart was going to burst from your chest, or that your stomach was turning itself over again and again.

It took Kakashi a few seconds to recover, and you thought that he'd stopped breathing in that time, but when he regained his senses he was quick to reciprocate. You let out a sigh when he wrapped an arm around your waist and brought the other to the back of your head, pressing it firmly into his chest and letting out a deep, relieved breath. You felt it against your cheek, a comforting warmth in the cold night air.

You weren't sure what possessed you to do this; it was both brave and, from what Kakashi had seen, completely out of character. But it was something you were desperate for. Just one touch that provided comfort—one reassurance that you were allowed to be someone new. That you were allowed to choose who you wanted to become, and feel these new emotions that had always been forbidden before.

I'll teach you how to be human.

Kakashi's words echoed in your mind, and you thought about how much he had already done. About the progress you'd made in so little time. You were proud of yourself. For the first time in your life, you felt that you'd accomplished something for your own sake rather than someone else's.

Kakashi pressed a kiss to the top of your head, hands still pressed against your back to keep you close.

Maybe, just for this moment, it was okay to ignore your worry. Things were so good, and if this forboding feeling would go away you'd be able to relax. Maybe this kind of gesture wouldn't feel so significant. Maybe, after enough time, it would become normal to hug Kakashi. To hug Sakura, and even Sasuke and Naruto. To be part of a family. To have a home.

"Is this okay?" you croaked, swallowing against your dry throat. "Can I do this?"

"Yes," he whispered back.

You'd never been held before. Not like this.

Everything about your life now was so precious. You were becoming more and more desperate to keep it safe.

You also noticed through the contented haze of your thoughts that Kakashi's heart was beating just as fast as your own.

The next morning, you woke up alone.

Muffled voices slipped under the door, and you could make out Kakashi's voice directing the three kids as they cooked breakfast. You could smell something sweet all the way in the closed bedroom, and it lured you from the warmth of Kakashi's blankets. You trudged into the kitchen groggily, following the sounds of Naruto's shout of surprise and Sasuke's angry groan.

The kitchen was a disaster. The flour that Naruto had supposedly just spilled was spread over the counter and the floor, and some of it had somehow ended up on Sasuke and Kakashi. Sakura had sidestepped the mess and spotted you before the others.

"Ah!" she smacked Kakashi's shoulder, eyes wide in surprise, "Good morning! You're up early, huh?"

"I always get up early," you grumbled, narrowing your eyes at the frozen group, "what's going on?"

"Uh..." Naruto looked around, dusting flour off of the counter and running his hands over it frantically until he found a small, cylindrical object, "happy birthday!"

Confetti shot out of the small tube, and you watched it flutter to the ground to reveal a still-grinning Naruto. You blinked at him, completely bewildered. Birthday? Whose birthday was it?

"What's all this?" you asked, approaching the mess on the counter. From the looks of it, they were in the middle of making pancakes. There was a stack of them on a plate and a mixture of ingredients in a bowl in Sasuke's hands for more batter, which was presumably where the flour mishap had happened.

"Duh. I just told you! It's for your birthday!"

"It's...not my birthday."

"Huh?" Naruto turned towards Kakashi, "but you said...Kakashi-sensei! Did you get the day wrong?"

How would Kakashi know your birthday? You didn't even know your birthday. The concept of birthdays was practically nonexistent in the Red Room; you'd never really given a second thought to yours. When you discovered that people celebrated theirs every year, you thought it was a useless, time-wasting tradition.

"I saw it in your file at the bunker," Kakashi explained when he saw your puzzled expression. You looked at him, but you had to quickly avert your eyes from his soft smile, showing itself in his eyes above his mask.

Oh. So he...remembered your birthday? And went to all this trouble just for a day that was fairly insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

Huh.

You felt your heart skip a beat as you stared at the man, eyes wide and mouth agape. You probably looked comical, and the grin on Sakura's face told you that you weren't being very subtle about your conflicted feelings.

"We made you breakfast!" Naruto said happily. He slid the full plate of pancakes across the table at you, then gave you a wide assortment of syrups and fruits. You approached the table carefully, still reeling from the fact that today was your birthday, and that the others had decided to do something for you to celebrate.

"Eat," Sakura smiled, softer than her previous one. She seemed to understand your confusion, even though she hadn't experienced it herself. Being in the Red Room since birth creates a detachment from one's identity that was hard for you to reconcile now that you were out, independent of Orochimaru's will, "we made it for you."

"Thank you," you muttered, chest warming as you looked at the small buffet that they'd created. Naruto kept pulling toppings out of the fridge—first whipped cream, then chocolate syrup, then strawberries.

"Eat! We're making more, so don't worry about leaving any for us."

It was the first time you'd ever tried pancakes, a fact that you informed the four of as you ate your fill. Naruto looked horrified, mouth open wide before he began shouting about how sad it must've been for you. You didn't attempt to remind him that you'd never exactly been worried about the lack of pancakes in your life.

"Try this one!" Sakura grinned as she pushed a large, spotted pancake towards you, "it's chocolate chip and it's amazing."

"Is not," Sasuke grumbled, ducking away from Sakura's attempt to shove him to the side. "What? They're too sweet."

"Mm," you hummed around your first bite, smiling at the two, "'s good."

"Tch. You all have bad taste."

Sakura glared at Sasuke and caught sight of his plate despite his best efforts to hide it.

"Ew, are you putting raisins in yours, weirdo?"

Kakashi reached over Sakura for the spatula that she was waving at Sasuke and flipped the remaining pancakes on the griddle. When he'd finished, he slid it back into her hand and watched her smack Sasuke's with it.

"Don't insult our pancakes when yours looks like they came out of a retirement home."

Naruto giggled, and you smiled to yourself as they bickered. Kakashi continued making the pancakes with each of the kids' chosen toppings, unfazed by the escalating argument that Naruto had become involved in after an insult to his own topping choice.

"Shut up, Naruto! You add an ungodly amount of chocolate to yours, so you have no room to talk!"

"You shut up! Chocolate is the best topping, believe it!"

Kakashi shook his head at their bickering, and you could see his eyes scrunching as he smiled behind his mask. You were glad that Sakura was enthralled with her argument, too distracted to see your cheeks turning red as you watched Kakashi's emotions through his eyes.

You pictured his face under the mask, smile small but still so full of joy. He really was beautiful.

You choked as the thought crossed your mind. Kakashi glanced up when you practically inhaled the bit of pancake you'd been chewing hit your chest to try and dislodge it from your windpipe.

Beautiful? You had never really been interested in those kinds of observations before. Sure, you could acknowledge things that were beautiful versus not, and you knew what features people generally found attractive, but this was an entirely new feeling.

Every day you added to the list of things that were new about your life. It was exhausting.

But it was also exciting. That was another new feeling. You constantly felt excited about this new life you'd been given.

"Don't choke," Kakashi griped after you'd finished coughing.

"Helpful," you grumbled, avoiding his curious gaze and looking instead at where the kids were still arguing. Sakura had Sasuke in a chokehold, grinning at him as she held him up by the throat. The boy looked like he was starting to go blue in the face; he was tapping Sakura's arm in an attempt to alleviate the pressure, but she just tightened her hold. Naruto had gone silent, argument forgotten as he grabbed Sakura's shoulder with a nervous smile.

"Uh, Sakura? I think he's had enough..."

Sakura looked up, and you finally got a clear look at the smile on her face. Rather than the playful, slightly guilty one that you'd expected, it was a familiar smirk that greeted you.

"Kakashi," you barked, but the man had already realized what was going on and taken action. He jumped at Sakura and freed Sasuke from her hold. You heard the boy coughing and taking in gasps of air before you lunged for Sakura, ignoring the part of your mind that was begging for this to be a dream, focusing instead on the problem right in front of you.

Save her, a part of you screamed. It was the part that she had helped you unlock. It was the one that had been growing since you escaped. It was one that you wanted to hold on to.

Stop her, another voice said, old and familiar like a long-forgotten friend. It was the Widow's voice, reaching out to you again after her long silence. Her phantom hands pressed against your back and pushed you towards Sakura—towards the threat—before she could reach Naruto. The boy had taken a defensive position, but he looked considerably more hesitant to engage with his friend than you felt. Before Sakura had a chance to lunge at him, you wrapped your arms around her waist and threw yourself back so that she landed on top of you.

"Sakura!" you shouted at her, wrapping your legs around her waist at the same time that Naruto and Kakashi grabbed each of her arms and pinned them to the ground. You could still hear Sasuke catching his breath a few feet away, and you tried not to focus on how pained his breathing sounded or how hard Sakura must have tried to kill him.

Not Sakura, you reminded yourself, Orochimaru.

"Sakura, you're stronger than he is," you grunted. Sakura growled, the sound almost animalistic, and Kakashi grabbed the back of her head before she could launch it back into your nose. She snarled again, baring her teeth at him and continuing her vicious fight against the three of you, "Sakura, please! If you can hear me, then fight!"

Her struggle continued, and you tightened your hold on her when her movements became more sporadic.

"Orochimaru," Kakashi said over Sakura, voice carrying across the room and leaving an echo in its wake. Sakura had gone silent in an instant, full attention on Kakashi, "interesting. So you can hear us and see us through her eyes?"

Sakura's eyes were blank, as if her body had been left vacant for a split second. Then she was blinking, and though her body had gone still in your arms, her lips split into a smirk.

"Sakura–" you croaked, tears burning in your eyes as the girl craned her neck as best she could to look at you. When she saw your broken expression, her smirk split into a grin and she let out a laugh.

"My Widow," Sakura whispered, studying your scar as if to confirm your identity, "I hope you enjoyed this phase of rebellion, but I've come to collect what you owe me."

"She doesn't owe you anything!"

"Quiet," Sakura hissed, whipping her head towards Naruto and silencing him with a single, scathing glare, "she owes me everything. She owes me her life. And that is what I've come to collect."

You could feel yourself beginning to shut down. These words were so familiar, and it had been far too long since you'd been reminded of your place. It was a shock to be thrown back into the mind of the Widow, but Orochimaru's were enough of a catalyst. Your head was spinning, and you fought to regain control over your senses despite feeling waves of nausea crashing into you.

"I want to kill you more than anything," Orochimaru said, and the words felt like daggers coming from Sakura's mouth.

This feeling of complete and utter helplessness was what you'd been battling against all this time. It was what you thought you'd overcome, but you were the same as before. You hadn't changed at all, and this was proof. One word from Orochimaru, and you were falling back into your bad habits like they were old friends welcoming you home.

It was as comforting as it was painful.

"It's an ironic kind of punishment for both of us that you're what I need to go back."

"You're more delusional than I expected."

Sakura turned towards Kakashi this time, blank expression focused on him. She studied him carefully, looking between his eyes for any hint of emotion other than forced indifference. He didn't blink.

"Hatake," she finally said with another grin.

"It's good to finally meet you, snake," Kakashi said patiently, still holding Sakura's arm despite her lack of struggle, "I hope you know that this is technically trespassing on SHIELD property."

"You stole something from me," Sakura shot back, "and I've come to collect it."

"You haven't come to collect anything," Kakashi shook his head, leaning closer to Sakura and looking into her eyes. Into the eyes that Orochimaru was watching him through, "you're nothing more than a coward. Not even brave enough to confront me face-to-face."

"You?" Sakura cackled. It sounded wrong coming from her, "I have no interest in you, or any confrontation. What I want is very simple. And I'm willing to offer a trade."

"We don't want anything from you–"

"Freedom," Sakura interrupted Naruto sharply, glaring at him intensely. Naruto flinched at the unfamiliar expression on Sakura's face and turned away, "for Sakura. That is what I'm offering. All I'm asking in return is for my Widow back."

That's it?

It seemed like an easy trade-off. Sakura's freedom? You were willing to give anything for that. Giving yourself up was always an option you'd considered, and now you had the opportunity to save her. She could finally live without fear, and without Orochimaru's control looming over her like puppet strings.

Freedom was the only thing you wanted for her. It was never something you expected for yourself, even if you'd momentarily deluded yourself into thinking it was a possibility.

Trying to be human had proven too difficult for you. Orochimaru was calling you, and you would answer with a promise of loyalty. For Sakura, you would give yourself back to him in a heartbeat.

"No."

You froze, limbs seizing at Kakashi's declaration. You stared wide-eyed at the ground, hearing only your quiet breaths as they began to quicken.

Then, like a switch flipping within you, anger crashed into you in waves.

"It'll only be a matter of time until we figure out how you're controlling her," Kakashi was saying, though you could barely hear him through the ringing in your ears and the heaviness of your breathing, "and then you'll have no power over us anymore."

A hypocrite. That's all Kakashi was. For all his talk about not wanting to be Orochimaru and about giving you back control of your own life, he was standing in front of you—not even looking at you—and deciding with no hesitation that you couldn't save Sakura.

No, that new, happier voice said. She could barely be heard over the Widow's ferocious anger, but she clawed her way to the surface and fought desperately to speak, don't do this. That's Orochimaru's voice in your head. That is exactly what he wants you to believe.

The Widow fought against this new voice, but she dug her fingers into your mind and refused to let go.

If you tell yourself that Kakashi is the enemy, you'll alienate yourself from the only people who have ever seen you as an individual. That's exactly what Orochimaru wants. Kakashi is just trying to–

"Wha...what's going on?"

Sakura's voice had changed again. It sounded terrified, and you realized that you were still immobilizing her in a vice-like grip. Despite your previous anger, you glanced at Kakashi almost involuntarily for confirmation that Orochimaru had let go of his hold on her.

"M-my head," she whispered, pressing her palms against her forehead and letting out a panicked, broken sob, "it hurts. Ah–Kakashi-sensei, it...it feels like I'm dying."

"Sakura," Kakashi yelled when the girl began to fall to the side, slumping into Kakashi arms and letting out sporadic, wheezing exhales, "Sakura, does anything else hurt?"

"I'm dying," Sakura choked, curling into herself on Kakashi lap and holding the back of her head against her chest, "it hurts so bad. I think...am I going to die?"

"No, Sakura, you're–"

"I don't wanna die. I can't...I just came back. I just came home. Please, just don't let me die."

"Orochimaru is still controlling her," you muttered, kneeling next to Sakura and placing a hand against her forehead. Her temperature was normal, "he's making her feel like this. He wants us to see it so we'll break."

And it was working.

Kakashi's indifferent mask had broken into something pained and terrified. Naruto was rambling to Sakura, telling her that everything was going to be okay. Sasuke was standing behind Kakashi, throat bruised with her handprint and fists clenched tight at his sides. He stared at Sakura with a pain in his eyes that you had never seen before.

You could stop this. It was such an easy problem to solve that it was almost laughable.

"Stop," you muttered, pulling Sakura's shoulder so that she was facing you. Your throat tightened at the sight of her face, streaked with tears and twisted in pain, "stop this. You can have me, so stop hurting her."

It took a moment, but you saw the shift that took place on Sakura's face. The pain fell away, and then that emptiness was back. You almost preferred the pain to this—she looked like a corpse.

"Think this through," Kakashi said next to you, voice shaky as he stared down at Sakura's limp body, "we can figure something else out."

"There is no other option, Kakashi," you muttered, anger forgotten. You were too tired for anger. You had already made up your mind. "You have your family. They can all be safe again."

Kakashi stared at you, eyebrows pinched together and still just as pained as they were before. You wanted to run a hand over his forehead and smooth out the frustrated wrinkles in his skin. You wanted to tell him that this was okay with you. That this was what you wanted. To protect Sakura. To protect him and Naruto and Sasuke. To give them back their lives.

They had a chance to be a safe. You weren't going to let them give that up.

Sakura began to move slowly. Her movements were robotic enough that Kakashi and Naruto allowed her to stand, though they stayed close to her side and followed her to the kitchen. She picked up a spare napkin from breakfast and swiped away your empty plate with little regard to it shattering on the floor.

"Pen."

It wasn't Orochimaru's voice, but it wasn't Sakura's voice either. It was like an empty void had taken hold of her, expending only the energy necessary to complete its task.

Sasuke placed a blunt marker into her waiting hand, though she didn't seem bothered by the divergence from her instructions. Instead, she scribbled something on the napkin, then handed it to you with empty eyes. She was looking right through you, recognizing you only as the recipient of the note that she'd written. On it was an address.

"This is your house," you muttered, glancing at Kakashi with wide eyes.

"Meet there," Sakura commanded monotonously. Then, with no warning, she crumpled to the ground.

For as long as you had known her, Sakura had been fascinated by mythology.

She would tell you stories when the darkness of a cell became suffocating for both of you. She would whisper the words with so much excitement, wanting to share the stories that you'd never had the opportunity to hear. She'd tell you about Helen and Artemis and the magnificent creatures that lurked in forests and within caves. She transported you into a world wholly different from your own, where you could imagine yourself sailing the Aegean Sea in the open air, part of an equal collective of heroes whose responsibilities matched your own. Where you could swim with mermaids and face Charybdis' crashing waves and the monstrous form of Scylla. Where pain was simply a part of adventure rather than a means of control.

When you were free, she gave you the book of Greek myths that Kakashi had read to her as a child. She said that you always seemed interested in what you had to say, and you kept it by your bedside in Kakashi's room and reread the stories that Sakura had once told you. You told her every time she asked what you thought that you preferred the way she told them.

You remembered reading about the HYDRA. That was one story that Sakura never told when you were both in the Red Room. You had stared at the detailed painting of its long, snaking heads and the sharp points of its teeth and wondered if this was how Orochimaru saw himself. As one of those terrifying creatures, looming over the world like a god and multiplying each time he raised a girl to become a killer.

The Hydra had poisonous blood so virulent that even its scent was deadly. The Hydra possessed many heads and had regenerative power: for every head chopped off, the Hydra would regrow two in its place.

Orochimaru had left Kakashi's door hanging open in invitation. Kakashi's hands were wrapped tight around the steering wheel, though you were doing your best not to look at him. You almost couldn't stand the tension in the car or the silence that had persisted since Sakura passed out. She was sitting in between Naruto and Sasuke in the back seat, slumped on Sasuke's shoulder and supported by Naruto's arms around her waist, holding her steady. She hadn't stirred since she collapsed.

Kabuto was waiting for you in the doorway. You felt a chill race down your spine at the sight of him, and you could already feel yourself beginning to shut down. You could practically feel the intensity of his gaze, and you wondered if the slight ache in your cheek was a phantom pain that originated from your many memories of his fists hitting you again and again, insisting that pain was the only way to make you stronger.

You had become so weak. You hadn't realized it before, but you'd been too relaxed while you were with Kakashi and the others. You'd let your guard down for too long, and now you were paying for it.

Kakashi didn't move when you opened the car door. You glanced back at Naruto and Sasuke with a silent but firm order: do not come out of the car.

Kabuto didn't move when you began approaching him. His face remained expressionless, though you could see the tension in his body. His hands were balled into fists, and when you finally stopped a few feet away from him, his eyes narrowed just slightly.

Kakashi opened his door at the same time that Kabuto took a single step forward and slapped you across the cheek. The strength of it left your face stinging, and you felt your lip beginning to bleed where a ring had caught on the skin. It was far too familiar to be surprising.

"You have no idea how much you've destroyed," Kabuto said, and you only began to understand just how angry he was when you heard his voice. It was low and dangerous; the man was usually more composed than anyone you'd ever met. This level of anger from him was new territory. "If we didn't need you, I'd kill you where you stand."

You kept your lips sealed shut, ignoring Kakashi standing at your back. You saw Kabuto's eyes shift to meet his and waited with shallow breaths for one of them to move. You certainly wouldn't be the first.

"I see you've found another master," Kabuto sneered, glaring at you once again when he'd finished studying the indifferent expression on Kakashi's face. Kabuto grabbed your shirt and jerked you forward, his movements sudden and sporadic. You reached back and caught Kakashi's arm just as he began to move it. This wasn't the time to hinder Kabuto or Orochimaru from doing what they wanted. Not with Sakura's life on the line.

Kakashi's arm was tense in your grip. You tightened your fingers around his wrist just slightly, hoping that your silent reassurance would be conveyed in the gesture.

You knew it would only do so much. Time and time again, Sakura was being ripped away from him. He had to be sick of seeing her in pain.

And one cause of that pain was standing right in front of him.

Kabuto pulled you close enough that his lips were next to your ear. You felt warm breath on your skin and closed your eyes, fighting not to shrink away.

"You're nothing," he hissed. "Don't forget that just because you're needed."

You knew what you were. You had always known—you had just forgotten. For the briefest moment, you'd deluded yourself into thinking that you could mean something. That you could become someone.

A pipe dream. That was all it would ever be.

The creature was so poisonous that it killed men with its breath, and if anyone passed by when it was sleeping, they breathed its tracks and died in the greatest torment. Even the smallest contact with the Hydra’s blood could be fatal.

Orochimaru was waiting for you on Kakashi's couch. He didn't seem bothered by Kakashi's presence at your side; he must've been confident in the threat that he was holding over you both. He knew after Kakashi's many attempts to get Sakura back that he wouldn't risk her. Not for you.

Kabuto had said it himself. You were nothing.

When you saw Orochimaru for the first time after so long, it felt like you'd never left his side. You mind went blank, and you froze where you stood. You barely noticed Kakashi's pack scattered around the room, all motionless but still visibly breathing.

You were at attention, though you made sure that you weren't looking directly at Orochimaru. He didn't tolerate eye contact with his Widows. He claimed that it made them seem too human—too emotional. He wanted complete detachment from any kind of personal connection with you. To the Widows, Orochimaru wanted to be a god—untouchable and all-powerful.

You couldn't move. Your body wasn't responding to any of your brain's commands. You just stood, waiting for your fate like a deer waiting patiently for headlights to meet it. Orochimaru stood from the couch in silence, calm and collected and appearing as if he was in complete control of his emotions.

You tried to embody that same control, but found that panic mounted within you each time he took a step in your direction. By the time he had stopped in front of you, you'd stopped breathing altogether in an effort to hide your fear. To hide how terrified you were at the idea of going back to him. Any residual longing you'd felt for the familiarity of the Red Room disappeared as you stared at the wall next to him, eyes and lungs burning. With Orochimaru so close for the first time in months, you wondered how you had ever wanted to be near someone who's entire being screamed danger.

Orochimaru didn't move for a long moment. When he did, you felt the pressure of his cold fingers gripping your chin. He moved your face until you were forced to meet his gaze.

Terror seized your body when you finally looked into Orochimaru's cold, snake-like eyes. He was looking at you like he could see into the very depths of your soul, and you finally exhaled in a choked, broken whimper. There was the slightest upward twitch of Orochimaru's lips.

"You've made things very difficult for me," he said, the words slithering from his mouth like a snake escaping a cage. You felt them coiling around your throat with the familiar intent to kill. Despite how calm he may have looked, you had been studying him for signs of anger your whole life. His fury was practically dripping from the corners of his mouth as his lips shifted up into a smirk, "but even so, I've decided that you still have a place as a Widow."

Orochimaru's fingers had tightened on your chin, and his smile had widened into something crazed.

"You want that, don't you?"

Speaking seemed like an impossible task, but you forced your lips to part and felt the expected answer forming in your throat.

"Yes," you croaked, though it was hardly convincing. Orochimaru laughed and turned you around to face Kakashi and Kabuto where they stood in the doorway. Orochimaru's fingers fell to the back of your neck, and you recognized the warning in his tight grip.

"Then why don't you tell that to Hatake before he does something he'll regret."

You took a moment to clear the fog from your mind and look at Kakashi. The indifferent mask had fallen from his face, and Orochimaru seemed to see how desperate he was to stop the scene that was unfolding in front of him. Kabuto was keeping him far enough from you that he wouldn't interfere, but his shoulders were rising and falling too quickly to be from anything but panic. He looked ready to lunge towards you the second he found an opening.

His eyes met yours immediately when you turned around, searching for anything other than the desperate terror and resigned acceptance that he saw.

You wished you felt brave enough to speak. To reassure him and stop him from panicking when he didn't need to.

Don't move. Don't let him hurt her. It's okay. This was always going to happen.

"Tell him," Orochimaru ordered, "where it is that you belong."

His hand on the back of your neck felt like a shock to your system, waking you to the reality of what was happening. You were back in Orochimaru's cruel hands, waiting with bated breath for his next move. But through your hazy panic, one thought fought through and left your lips before you could even consider stopping it.

"Not until you fix her."

Kabuto froze at your words. He knew that as well as you did that ignoring Orochimaru's orders almost always ended in death.

"You offered a trade," you croaked. You voice sounded weak, and you almost felt ashamed that Kakashi was seeing you at such a low point, "so hold up your end of the bargain."

"Look at you," Orochimaru said with another laugh, condescension dripping from the words, "I almost want to be proud, but you and I both know that you weren't raised to speak out against me."

You wished you had never left. You wished you had just given Sakura to Kakashi the day that he came for her and gone back inside. You wished that he had left you there.

"You forgot your place, and now you've made it my job to remind you," Orochimaru hissed in your ear. "Now tell him where you belong."

"No," you whispered, the word so faint that you weren't even sure if you'd said it. But the tightening of Orochimaru's fingers around your neck was evidence enough that he'd heard you. Kakashi took a step forward, but froze when Kabuto raised a gun and pointed it at his chest. His wide eyes were still studying you, watching every minute reaction to Orochimaru's torment.

The man that he'd been itching to get his hands on was right here in front of him. He was close enough that he could take one leap forward and close his hands around the man's throat. He could fix this. He could stop you from giving yourself back to him.

"Kakashi-sensei!"

Naruto's voice was high and panicked on the opposite side of the door. He was keeping his distance, and it was clear that he didn't see you or Orochimaru standing in the center of the room, but Orochimaru still held tight to your neck to keep you from moving towards the boy. You closed your eyes and fought against the urge to follow Naruto's distressed cry.

Kakashi's reaction was instantaneous. He had turned around in a heartbeat, ignoring Kabuto's weapon and taking a step out of the house to face Naruto.

"Sakura's seizing!"

Kakashi's body went taut at the same time that all of the fight drained from your body. This was it. This was Orochimaru's trump card; the one thing that he could hold over your head that would make you do anything he asked.

He could kill Sakura. He didn't even have to be in the same room as her to make her heart stop.

"That's enough," you croaked, attempting to face Orochimaru but stopping when he thumb pressed deep into the junction of your neck, "I understand. I belong in the Red Room. I-I belong to you."

You heaved against the panic that still swirled in your stomach. Nausea was crashing in waves inside of you, and you thought you would've collapsed had it not been for Orochimaru holding you up by your throat.

"She stopped!" Sasuke shouted, voice farther from the house than Naruto's. Kakashi visibly relaxed and ordered Naruto to go back to the car and watch over Sakura. Naruto didn't protest.

Kabuto looked satisfied by your compliance, but Orochimaru was still tight. There was a long pause after your words, and you wondered if it was too late to give him the answer he wanted. Maybe you'd already dug your grave deep enough to lay in.

I belong to you.

You tried to change. You tried to escape. You tried to become human.

It just wasn't what fate had in store for you.

"Good."

Orochimaru's grip slackened, and he let you fall past his fingers until your knees hit the floor with a hard thump. You stared down at the wood with wide eyes, wondering how everything had changed so fast. Just this morning you'd discovered that today was your birthday, and Kakashi was making you pancakes with the kids. And not even two hours had passed.

Kakashi knelt in front of you with little concern about Kabuto or Orochimaru. You couldn't bare to look at him—not after he'd seen what Orochimaru could do to you. At how quickly you'd let him erase months of progress.

You felt hesitant, careful fingers brushing against your cheeks, and when you didn't react to the touch, Kakashi pressed his hands on either side of your face and lifted it so that you were forced to meet his eyes. It was a much gentler way of meeting your eyes, and you felt a deep sense of longing for it.

"I'm sorry," you croaked, "I tried."

He shook his head, brushing his thumb under your eye to keep a tear from falling. He was close enough that you knew Kabuto and Orochimaru wouldn't be able to see the movement, but neither were paying attention to the scene. Kabuto was waiting impatiently for Orochimaru to become bored with the emotional display, but Orochimaru was silently standing a few steps from you, barely paying attention to what the scene.

"Don't do this," Kakashi whispered. You wondered if you could trap the sound of his voice in your mind and hold on to it while you rotted away in the depths of the Red Room, "we can protect her."

"I know we can," you said back with a slight smile. You pressed a hand against his and closed your eyes, wondering why you hadn't accepted this kindness from him earlier. Maybe you would've gotten more of it before it was ripped away. Enough that it would take longer to forget the feeling of how warm his hand felt against your skin. But you knew that the feeling would slip away before you were ready to let it go, "just make sure she doesn't blame herself for this."

"I can protect you both," he pleaded. Your breath hitched, though it sounded more like a broken sob. Kakashi's face fell even further.

No one had ever protected you. No one had ever been given the chance. And no matter how much you wished it, Kakashi wouldn't be able to either.

"Take care of them."

Some ancient writers tried to come up with a rational explanation for the myth of the Hydra. Heraclitus, for example, suggested that the Hydra really had only one head, but was accompanied by its numerous brood—that is, the Hydra was really many snakes rather than a single many-headed snake.

"One of your doctors is a Widow," Orochimaru told Kakashi from the doorway, "her name is Shizune. She's the reason that Sakura's examinations weren't conclusive. You'll be able to get answers from her after six months have passed. In those six months, I won't have any use for Sakura, so unless you come looking for me or my Widows, she won't be in danger."

"Absolutely not. That's not what we agreed–"

"You have no bargaining power," Orochimaru snapped, looking down on Kakashi like the man was an ant that he wanted to crush. You shrunk away from him and back towards Orochimaru to avoid any further retaliation against either of you. Kakashi's hands fell from your face as you leaned away, and you tried not to feel like you were ripping yourself away from the only chance you'd ever had at happiness.

"Forget the Red Room and any connection you and Sakura have to it, and you won't ever have to see it again."

You were hesitant to look at Kakashi again, but the fury on his face when you did left you paralyzed.

Was that anger for Sakura?

Was it for you?

"Understand one thing," Kakashi said lowly, eyes alight with an unfamiliar rage, "I'll never forget this. And one way or another, I'll see you again."

"If that days comes," Orochimaru said with a dark smile, lips split like an open wound, "it'll be your last moments alive."

A sharp sting in your neck finally made you look away from Kakashi. His eyes widened when your body went slack and you fell to the side. He reached forward and caught your head before it could hit the floor, but his hand quickly disappeared when you were lifted into less gentle arms. You recognized the grip as Kabuto's, and despite your best efforts to stay conscious enough to be aware of your surroundings, darkness quickly swallowed your vision.

The Hydra's one immortal head was cut off with a golden sword given to Heracles by Athena. Heracles placed the head—still alive and writhing—under a great rock on the sacred way between Lerna and Elaius, and dipped his arrows in the Hydra's poisonous blood.

The last thing you saw was Kakashi, out of focus and still kneeling on the ground with his hands resting on the floor in front of him. Darkness prevailed, and freedom slipped through your fingers.

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Author's note | i'm sorry this chapter took me so long. i rewrote the end after i had it basically finished because i didn't love how it turned out, but i think i'm happy with how it ended up. it also ended up being very long oops. please let me know what you think!

also if you're interested please check out the spotify playlist linked with the summary. i'm lowkey obsessed with it.

title is from "Timefighter" by Lucy Dacus