#punctuation is overrated apparently

[sea-jello]

I’ve been curious about everyone’s favorite bmc songs.

So! Rant to me about your favorite bmc song >:)

ANON YOU HAVE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE AND ALSO NOT BECAUSE I HAVE MULTIPLE AND I CANNOT MAKE DECISIONS FOR THE LIFE OF ME

first up is ALWAYS gtikbi idc it's a FUN SONG it's bouncy and happy it’s cringe it’s campy it’s the basic romance song for the female lead and i love it and i love christine and i love stephanie hsu she sounds amazing and the jake twist at the end the first time i heard it I was like 😦

i’m going off of the music but if we talk about the visuals then the HEARTS the cardboard hearts are so fun they’re so high school theater esque and the rest of the cast popping in and dancing and singing the way they randomly stick their head in kinda makes me feel like they were eavesdropping or something tbh and the way the squip was so sure of himself in bway he was literally smiling and conducting them hello

a strong STRONG contender is mts we’re introduced to everybody and it gives a good look into everyone’s character and a good look into JEREMY specifically and how he interacts with everyone and how life is for him and for everyone there’s michaels little solo which is a BOP every time everyone sounds so good and there are a bunch of underlaying motifs/melodies from other coming songs which is so cool for example smartphone hour when they’re talking about madeline and mitb + pants song during michael and jeremy’s convo

and VISUALS the bus effect and the classroom choreo is so funny every time and all their little mannerisms and the way they interact with each other throughout show their personality there are SO MANY DETAILS i think i lowkey learned the end bit of the bway choreo from watching it so much

i can go on about more songs but i think these are top two anyways thank you for the ask anon!! i bet a lot of people had a lot of fun answering them

[5sosfanfictioncatalogue]

Happy Ending Masterlists

All the hues of blue (ao3) - FalseDevotion calum/ashton E, 172k

Summary: “My favourite is Blue Christmas.” Calum said quietly, eyes trained on the box, apparently fascinated by the array of Christmas decorations inside it. “Isn’t that song kind of sad?” “Isn’t 'kind of sad’ the definition of Christmas?”

Or

Sometimes a casual encounter can help you see everything in a different colour.

can’t find the sound under my tongue (ao3) - lifewasradical luke/ashton M, 13k

Summary: One year, nine months, eighteen days. Luke and Ashton have been attached at the hip for one year, nine months, and eighteen days. Six hundred, fifty six days. Almost twenty two months. One could argue that no, it’s actually been months and years longer than that; but officially, their time together is bound by a date, one solid time where they said yeah, this is it. Despite being this far into a relationship, one punctuated by extended time on the road, living so intertwined, they still don’t live together.

Or, Ashton refuses to move in with Luke. Alternately, a fic inspired by black butterflies and deja vu

Comfortable silence is so overrated (ao3) - lovelyyyliv luke/sierra, michael/crystal G, 3k

Summary: Calum is alone again. Alone and tired and hurt. The silence has turned from comfortable to devastating.

Everything comes back to you... (ao3) - milecgv luke/calum, michael/ashton G, 11k

Summary: “So Cal, I think Ashton might have mentioned something about a gift? From us, to you?” He couldn’t keep his smile at bay while he talked and Calum really didn’t like where this was going.

“Yeah, he might have said something of the sorts…”

“Well, I think I found the perfect gift for you Cal.” He said, giving a small tug on the person’s sleeve and sending him a smile that Calum could only describe as encouraging.

As if in slow motion, Calum watched the man take a deep breath, turning around and punching all the air out of the brunette’s own lungs.

There, in the flesh, dressed in a black suit and tie, same sparkling cerulean eyes and beard instead of exposed tender skin, seventeen years older than the last time he’d seen him, was Luke fucking Hemmings.

for real - @sup3rbloom (haveufoundwhaturlookingfor) calum/ashton T, 4k

Summary: Michael keeps trying to set Calum up on blind dates, and one day Calum accidentally slips and says he has a boyfriend when he doesn't, so Ashton offers to be his fake boyfriend. It works, until Calum messes things up.

Gotta Be Cruel to be Kind (ao3) - fourdrunksluts michael/ashton, luke/calum E, 26k

Summary: "It’s just for a date or two." Calum sounds exasperated despite Michael's excuse being perfectly valid. "Ashton’s hot."

"Ashton’s a shrew," he corrects, voice biting. "I’m not going to… to tame him, or whatever, just so you can convince some twink to go on a mediocre date with you."

-

The fandom required 10 Things I Hate About You fic.

if we make it through december (ao3) - allsassnoclass (brightblackholes) luke/ashton T, 28k

Summary: “I didn’t tell them,” he blurts. Ashton falls silent on the other end of the line. “My family. I didn’t tell them about the breakup. And I know that I should’ve and I swear I will, but Gram asked about you today and it’s probably her last Christmas with us and you know how much she loves you. I couldn’t do it. It’d break her heart, and I can’t do that to her. Not right now. So if you-- I mean. What I’m trying to say is that you’re still invited to Christmas, if you want. You don’t have to, I can make an excuse for you, and I swear I’ll tell them after the holidays, but I thought maybe… maybe you’d want to see them one last time.”

In Your Sweet December Haze (ao3) - fourdrunksluts calum/ashton N/R, 19k

Summary: It’s been years since Ashton’s last seen his best friend's dorky little brother, Calum, but when their families decide to get together for their first shared Christmas since they were all kids, it’s more than just the holiday spirit that pulls Ashton in.

Let Me Love You (ao3) - mxrytx ot4 N/R, 5k

Summary: The four of them were picture perfect. The cheer captain, football captain, drum major, and choir student director. Michael always put himself last, even if it wore him to the bone. Between being in charge of his school band, and loving his boyfriends, will he learn to let his boyfriends in, and help himself too? Or will he stay silent until it’s too late?

or: the fic where Michael needs to learn to let his boyfriends take care of him

my thoughts are yours (ao3) - @sup3rbloom​ (haveufoundwhaturlookingfor) calum/ashton, michael/luke T, 4k 

Summary: Soulmates can hear each other's thoughts, and Ashton's had to listen to Calum's depressing thoughts for years. One night after a particularly bad night for Calum, Ashton finally gives in and wants to meet Calum, to make his soulmate finally feel better.

rebound feelin' like a rerun (ao3) - lifewasradical luke/ashton T, 33k

Summary: “Alright what the fuck?” Michael shouts, dropping himself down in the open corner of the couch. “What the fuck?” he says again, leaning forward on his knees, staring at Ashton across the room.

Ashton just shrugs. “He left me.”

The lack of emotion in his voice is concerning, completely free of the bubbling laughter and attitude filled charm that normally coats his words. It’s just empty, sort of bitter but mostly void of feeling, like he’s detached himself from the situation completely.

“But why?” Luke finds himself saying.

“He doesn’t love me anymore.”

This Was Unforeseeable, Aching To Be Near You (ao3) - reversecow calum/ashton E, 15k

Summary: Ashton crosses the room, ready to fall into his own bed and sleep for as long as possible when he hears Calum sniffle and let out a quiet sigh.

“You’re never gonna love me.”

The night of Calum's 23rd birthday, he accidentally tells Ashton more than he ever planned to about his feelings. Ashton looks back at the last eight years and does some soul searching.

we fight we fuck (ao3) - ireneireneirene ot4 M, 8k

Summary: Michael’s jaw dropped.

“You think I fucking cheated on you?” he glared at Ashton, who just stared down at his tea.

“It just doesn’t look too good for you, Michael,” Luke told him calmly.

“Can you please just explain, Mike?” Calum asked tiredly.

Words Have Two Meanings (ao3) - fourdrunksluts luke/ashton N/R, 22k

Summary: In a world where your soulmate is determined by their favorite song, people have gone, and continue to go, to extreme lengths to find their other half. Luke is certain Ashton's his soulmate - even if every sign in the universe is telling him no.

you've got stars, they're in your eyes (ao3) - lifewasradical luke/calum T, 10k

Summary: “You know I love you, yeah? Please never forget that,” Calum finally says, turning his head so his watery eyes meet Luke’s. Luke frowns, running his thumb under one of Calum’s eyes, catching the tiniest bit of liquid on his finger.

“Of course, I love you too,” Luke promises and Calum can feel his heartbeat steadily thumping below his ear. He can feel the warmth of Luke’s skin, the faint puffs of breath coming from his open lips. Calum wants to savor the moment, never to forget again, knowing that after tomorrow he may very well never see Luke again.

Or, Calum leaves 5 Seconds of Summer.

[borisbubbles]

ESC 2019 Preshow #09

09. ITALY Mahmood - “Soldi” Autoqualifier

👏SOL 👏 DI 👏 SOL👏 DI 👏

ENTRY ANALYSIS

Much like Jonida, Mahmood sort of slipped for me when I grew more attached to other songs, but that does not mean he’s not fucking amazing! I, too, fell in love with “Soldi” on first listen when I noticed the lyrics rhymed “Ramadan” with “Jackie Chan”. 😍 😍 😍 😍. 

Other amazing things about “Soldi” include: the 👏 use 👏 of 👏 clapping 👏 as 👏 punctuation 👏, the ~Iconic~ lines in Arabic during the middle eight and the wonderful message. It was the FIRST SONG IN THIS YEAR WHICH MADE ME SHED A TEAR!!!  😭😭😭 I don’t know how or why, but I listened to the song with translated lyrics and it just *clicked* for me. I WAS LYING SICK IN BED WITH THE FLU, OKAY. Forgive me my momentary weakness!!!

So is it any wonder “Soldi” was greeted with near-unanimous critical acclaim and support? No, of course not. It’s a fantastic song and 100% deserved to win San Remo!

...

okay, so San Remo...  I did *NOT* watch it but I’m aware of Irama, Loredana and Simone, so consider those the reps if I had bothered with an NF corner. Ideal Husband Material, Blue-haired Rocker Hag and Random Dude Who Reads Poetry (not sings. reads.) respectively <3

Slated to win San Remo this year was Ultimo, who entered San Remo with some pretentious piano ballad called “I tuoi particulari” which as the name implies was particularly boring. God what a yawnfest. However, it as also the audience favourite somehow? Him?

So, the juries marked it down just enough so ‘Soldi’ won instead because again, BORING don’t work. Ultimo, instead of being like “well I lost, but oh well, I wasn’t going to Eurovision anyway*”, showed his true Salvador colours by throwing a temper tantrum on social media and spent the entire press conference uglysobbing about how quality was denied (his own words! He refered to *himself* as quality!).

(*he said he would never do Eurovision because he believes it is Eurovision is beneath him 😬)  Oh and some right-wing Forza politicians chimed with their usual drivel that Mahmood was unfit to represent Italy because Mahmood is gay & half-arabic while Italy is a vafanculo blob of fragile masculinity which can only be properly represented by drug-riggen, ugly-tattoo’d brats. Guess what? WE 👏 DON’T👏 CARE. 👏 FOR YOUR 👏 MODERN TIME 👏 PREACHIN’  👏 FORTUNATELY, Mahmood agreed to do ESC (after a week long thinking period lol) and all was well in this world . 👏 ANOTHER VICTORY FOR QUALITY  👏

Edit note: it has become apparent that my brash and snarky assesment was largely malinformed, but user @wingednerdydude​  provided a pretty detailed summation of the situation. 

It’s a quite long explanation I’ll put a tl;dr to appease the fans:  Ultimo did indeed not take the loss well, but the media also took an off-hand comment he made about Mahmood out of context and he retaliated, which led a lot of a unnecessary drama and mutual poo-slinging. It’s not just the ESC fans that overdramatize shit, who knew. 

For those who want to read it:

Ultimo never insulted Mahmood or said one single bad thing about him or that his song was better than Soldi, let's make this clear from the start. It's also true that he never even said anything complimenting him or his song. Mahmood actually said he never spoke to him nor heard from him in any way. The only thing Ultimo ever said is that he is happy for Mahmood and his success, that's it. If Ultimo really did compliment him then I never read or watched such interview

The mess during Sanremo's press conference blew up right when Ultimo said he was happy for (I'm quoting) "the other ragazzo, Mahmood". Ragazzo is a really neutral term in Italian, it just means young man, I wouldn't know how to traslate it. The journalists found it "insulting" for some weird reason (Mahmood actually said he thinks it's a totally okay term) and said Ultimo was disrespecting him. More context: Ultimo clearly was disappointed about his 2nd place

The press knew it and since the moment he entered the press room they literally started rubbing his missed victory in his face and kept asking him "yeah, but don't you think you should have won?". Ultimo eventually got pissed like mad and rightfully so. They were literally trying to make him lose his temper because they knew he had a bad character and was disappointed. They wanted a scoop and they got it.

Ultimo told the journalists that they were just trying to get an article out of it and that any thing he would say, they would turn it into something else. Then he said (quoting) "I'm fucking done with you". Boom, all of the press room went crazy and started throwing insults at him (sore loser, shit, bastard, ungrateful etc...). At some point Mahmood entered the room and the situation got chill again. By the way, look at the Il Volo guys while he speaks. They agreed.

Which takes us to the next step: why did Ultimo explode like that? I'll get ther: the day after there was a tv program the contestants were supposed to take part in. Ultimo didn't show up. It was full of journalists who obviously insulted him, they showed the clip of Ultimo insulting the press. One of the journalists though, she gave no fucks and just said the things as they were: and that is, the press insulted him. Not only after Ultimo's insults, but also earlier.

Ultimo wasn't the only artist who got insulted: the guys from Il Volo were too, during their performance and while the results were being announced (everyone cheered cause they hadn't won). The journalist says there were clips of it. Ups, looks like they "couldn't show them". Funny how they found Ultimo insulting journalists, but not the opposite. And those videos exist. In particular, there was a video of Ultimo being insulted by press, days before

There were a lot of talks, clickbaity articles written etc... Ultimo tried speaking in a video he posted and told his point of view. Now, mind you, I don't agree with some of the stuff he said. He said that he was sad about the whole thing and that it had been blown out of proportion, his words twisted to show him like the bad guy. And this is true if you read what I wrote. About the results: he was pissed because he had won the televote by a very large margin but lost.

Here I think he was really wrong, cause those are the rules, jury and televote results add up to the final result, it's maths. It may be disappointing, but that's how it is. Still, he was sad that people had to PAY to vote and their votes didn't matter in the end to choose the actual winner. Debatable. But he did make a good point about one thing: the jury votes are made of the votes of some experts (they're like 10 and actually often are people with no music knowledge)

 And the rest of the jury votes are journalists. Now, wait a second: the same journalists who threw personal insults at him and Il Volo for no reason if not a personal anthipathy were the ones deciding if they could win or not. Now this is interesting, cause the jury is supposed to be unbiased. His complaining about this is just right in my opinion, something should have been done about it (journalists faced no consequences for their insults to contestants).

This is where the whole thing ended. Ultimo just asked not to speak about it again, Sanremo's week has now well passed and everyone moved on, so that's literally all. I hope I was of some help to better understand the situation. And please guys, no fighting, let's just enjoy Mahmood's song.

 AND LET US NEVER SPEAK OF HIM EVER AGAIN!!!!!! ~moving on~

Autoqualifier Odds: very good

The most important thing one has to take away from “Soldi” is that it’s a fucking excellent song. There’s a reason it received near-universal critical acclaim from all sources.  

But, as the saying goes, it’s not the song but what you do with it. Mahmood is making great ~live performance progress~ as more pre-parties are showing his growing expertise, but at the same time I feel like everyone has sort of forgotten about him as a potential winner? Actually my friends posited the idea that Mahmood might be a Jamala-esque winner (by finishing second in both jury AND televote) and I think that is an intriguing possibility we should consider! If Duncan somehow doesn’t come through (and he won’t because Expected Winner’s Curse), it will be Mahmood who shall pick up the pieces and win instead. (unless the audience wants to go for the novelty act again, in which case Hatari or Bilal will win) I recognize that Mahmood could go down the usual Italy trajectory and be sandbagged by juries into a mid top 10 placement, I guess. I don’t want to get my hopes up and overrate his odds like I did with Gabbani. Even under the worst circumstance, Mahmood is definitely finishing somewhere in the top 10 though, as all Italian men (fragile or not) do. 

Projected placement: 1st-8th in the Grand Final.

Link to the masterpost

[moonprincess92]

Congrats on the follower count! How about rebelcaptain + one is on a blind date that's not going well and the other is the waiter. Bonus points if Jyn is the waitress!

Ok so I have to apologise profusely anon, because Iattempted to write this prompt in like 3 different ways and absolutely none ofit worked. I TRIED I REALLY DID AND IM SO SORRY, but since it wasn’t working I wrote you something else instead and it’s literally completely different but I hope you’ll still like it anyway. x

Please enjoy this ‘you accidentally sent me a booty text butI’m considering saying yes anyway’ au 

His phone buzzed just as he was stumbling in through his frontdoor with his arms full of groceries. Refusing to make the trip up the stairstwice, he was laden down with probably more than he should have carried at once andcursed when he started losing grip on his jacket under his armpit. Kicking thedoor shut behind him, he couldn’t check the message until he had dumped all thebags onto his kitchen counter in relief. The little messenger icon was afamiliar face so he tapped it absently as he started unpacking a bag –

– and promptly choked.

Usually if Jyn messaged him this late at night, it was because shehad found yet another thing to criticise from his latest essay. She apparentlydid all her best reading after 10pm because god forbid he ever get grilled at adecent hour, but he liked their conversations all the same. Used to theirchatting being based about their classes or occasionally straying into memesand their favourite tv shows, he was now quite literally rendered speechless atthe photo he had apparently just been sent. 

Though her face wasn’t visible he had nodoubt it was Jyn just from the sheer muscle definition that he could sure ashell see because the only times he’d ever seen her this de-clothed before was whenthey’d occasionally hit up the gym together. She was almost naked in the mirror selfie she’d sent, her arms toned, her abs rock hard… fuck. It sent everything south and he didn’t know what the hell sound just came out of his mouth, but it miiiiight’ve been a whimper. The bra she wore in the selfie waswhite and lacy and the accompanying caption read:

this bra was too nice to not share

He… well, quite honestly, he stared for so long he thought hemight just be having a brain aneurysm. She had to be joking, right? Sure, this wasnothing like Jyn’s sense of humour, but it literally HAD to be a joke becauseit didn’t make sense if it wasn’t. The message felt like she had sent it (thesevere lack of punctuation kind of gave her away) but it was so far out of leftfield that he was almost certain it hadn’t been meant for him. No, some otherlucky bastard out there was supposed to be on the receiving end of thismessage, because he and Jyn weren’t like that, and who cared if maybe he kindof wanted to be likethat, because they weren’t and they couldn’t –

Zmmm.

Another message popped up. This time, it appeared that Jyn waskeyboard bashing.

Akjdskjdfjfdjdf FUCK Im so sorrycassian shit pls ignore this PLS

It didn’t help calm his racing heart at all.

He knew he had frozen foods slowly defrosting away in his grocerybags still, but they seemed like a minor detail in comparison to the battlewracking his mind. Quite honestly… he’d been on the verge of throwing allcaution to the wind and playing along. Maybe sending something a littlesuggestive back. It wasn’t an outright booty text, but it definitely wasn’tinnocent either and perhaps it was the way to start, a way to just flirt alittle, what could go wrong… but then he got that answer and he pressed hisforehead to his kitchen counter with a frustrated sigh. 

On the days he wasn’tkidding himself, he knew that he was an absolute fucking goner for Jyn Erso.She was prickly and defensive and didn’t let any minor grammatical error pasther, but once she got used to you she was hilarious to be around and her smileliterally made his heart stop these days. Sometimes, on the nights they wouldstudy together late at the library, she would linger as he packed his booksaway and he got the feeling that hopefully, MAYBE, she was a goner too.

But then she said things like that and he would squash it alldown.

Another message. He lifted his head gingerly to read it.

God cassian SAY SOMETHING DAMN IT I need to know that I haven’tjust ruined our entire friendship lmao

He stared at her words, grappling hard until eventually, hefigured fuck it.

Friendship’s overrated. I was going to say it definitely looked nice.

He hit send before he could lose his nerve and wondered if it wasa little overdramatic to turn his entire phone off for good measure. He heldhimself back from adding on ‘just kidding’ and instead, forced himself to startputting away his groceries.

Another buzz made him drop the bag of frozen vegetables.

well, good. I wouldnt wanna waste a good selfie.

Cassian bit his tongue and typed back.

Honestly selfie game is 10/10. How’d you even get that angle?

I might’ve stood on somethin to make me tall enough. also might’venearly killed myself in the process 

Ah the price we pay for a good selfie…

Gotta get these boobs lookin good somehow

They’ve been doing just fine before now, tbh 

Fuck. That might’ve been a bit much. He grimaced, distractinghimself with his shopping for the next thirty seconds and initially ignoringthe subsequent message that eventually buzzed through. Finally, though, sheer nerves took over and he pulled up the conversation once again.

Cassian Andor, are you flirting with me?

You sent me a pic of your boobs, Jyn. He felt the need to stress this point. This was on her, shestarted this! 

Touché. So wanna come over, then?

BOOM. He was dead! His head had exploded and he was definitely,100% very, very deceased. 

Do you……mean that in the way I think you mean that?

HEY. I worked hard at that selfie. If I have to go through thehumiliation of accidentally sending it to my study partner, then the least theuniverse could do is also throw some sex in there for meBut um… hey if u want to say no, its chill. Idc its totallyfine no hard feelings

Cassian thought about it for about ten seconds. Then –

I can be there in ten

It was just as he was rushing to throw whatever the hell was leftin his grocery bags into the fridge – honestly, he literally didn’t give a shithow it was organised at this point – when he got another photo. He rubbed hiseyes, groaning a little at the image of Jyn’s body, slightly zoomed out now. Her entire torso and upper legs could be seen and that was how he figured out that her underwear matched thebra.

Hurry up, mate she added. 

If you stop sending me shit like THAT I might Jesus lord

[abby-studies-art]

11 Questions

I was tagged by

@cries-in-real-life

who is apparently the master of cool questions..... I’ll have to try pretty hard to top them! ALSO I AM REALLY SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO POST THIS OH MY GOODNESS

how do you relax? Usually, Tumblr, Netflix, tea, and a nap if it's early enough in the day! Sometimes yoga, but I'm usually tired!

favourite pen brand? I really like pilot pens, I have the 0.7 and 0.5 tip versions, and they never go through my journal pages! I wrote all my journal stuff, all my notes and drafts with four pens total last year!

what are you excited for right now? I move in to res at the end of this month so that's pretty lit! I also started a new journal today and I can't wait to really get into it!

how has your break been? Good, I work a lot so it isn't relaxing, but I have a lot more friends at my work this year so that has made it a lot more fun!

where do you see yourself in 5 years? Graduated, living in Montreal or Toronto, and working in a museum! I would like to be dating someone nice too but we will see lol

top three animals? koala, song bird, and I really like my dog.

what do you do with old planners? I love all my old planners, but I don’t usually keep them around. I will probably keep my current planner when it’s finished, my first real college planner!

you do background noise? if yes what do you listen to? shows, podcasts, music?(if you want recs hmu im the master of background noise) I live for background noise. I love it. I can't sleep, focus or clean without any extra sound, especially if no one else is home

thoughts on texting speech?has it changed? OKAY, I have so many thoughts on this. I think text speak is the best, real time example of the evolution of human speech and communication. human communication faced a huge barrier when texting became more common because there wasn't any of the expression that comes from face to face interactions, or even audio interactions over the phone, Because of this lack of contact, we managed, in less than ten years, to evolve intricate, subtle, specific, ways to portray feelings and sentiments using the written word alone (and abusing punctuation, but that's beside the point) My point is, humanity was able to adapt its own extra written language, which differs all over the world, in less than a decade. That's pretty freaking phenomenal.

favourite colour? how much of an outfit could you make that from colour? My favourite colour is blue, but I don't really wear it very often, I tend to stick to muted colours wardrobe-wise. 

favourite time to be awake?

1am. no matter what, it seems to be good. At a party? all the cool people are still around and things are about to get real. At home? Still early enough that you can get an okay amount of sleep. At work? Nothing matters. No one is around, play music. Whatever.

And here are my 11 questions: What colour is appears most in your room? bare walls or posters? Do you like naps or do they mess up your sleep schedule? How many pairs of sunglasses do you own? Is Starbucks cool or overrated? Apple products or Android Products? Are you a person who enjoys learning languages? What is your current phone/computer wall paper? Do you prefer laptops or desk top computers? Tea or Coffee? Microsoft Word or Google Docs or something else?

I tag: @estudianding @bellaandherbujo and anyone else who whats to do it! I am so behind on who is around on here!

[surveysonfleek]

518.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 28

2601. Do you think cell phones cause cancer? apparently everything causes cancer these days. i don’t know anyone personally who doesn’t have a cell phone, would that mean the chances of getting cancer at at its highest? Are cell phone users more likely to get into car accidents? while using the phone while driving, yes. Do cell phones really interfere with a plane's navigation equipment? apparently so. Are cell phones immune from computer viruses? i don’t think so? Can using a cell phone at a gas station spark a fire? apparently. geez, five questions within one question. cool.

2602. What makes a guy see a chick as less of a cute little girl and more of a woman? i guess if they look older? 2603. What is it about football that makes people want to watch it? the passion, the atmosphere and the game itself? i hate football though lmao. 2604. What is the best show on tv? tbh i think it’s the office.  2605. Are you more of a tape dispenser or a stereo speaker and why? i’m... not sure. 2606. What do you think is overrated? instagram models and most youtubers. What is underrated? people out there trying to make a difference in the world. 2607. Can spiders ump? huh? Did you interpret that as 'jump' or 'hump or 'bump' or other? jump. 2608. What's the matter with adults today? we’re too reliant on technology. 2609. Have you ever worked 'off the books'? no...? 2610. Have you ever worked 9-5? i have before. If not do you think you ever will? i don’t right now, but i’d love to have a normal working schedule like that. i hate working nights. 2611. Do men or woman make better bosses? it honestly just depends on the person. 2612. Do you believe that people should more up through a company or that the higher up positions should be filled by people hired from outseide the company? i think people should be offered to move up in their company since they’re more likely experienced with the ‘smaller’ things. 2613. Why is it that no one seems to care about their job? it’s just a grind, need to work to live, right? 2614. When I go into a store, why doesn't anyone know anything about what they are selling? that just means their training wasn’t in depth enough. 2615. Have you ever seen those people that get that blank, lost expression when they go into a store and kinda shuffle along like zombies? not really? Do you wonder how they got up, dressed themselves, and made it to the store in the first place? ... 2616. When did you/will you graduate college? i graduated in 2013. 2617. When will Eminem stop whining about his bad childhood and move on?? i haven’t heard him whine about that in a long time. 2618. I am drug free. Are you drug free? yes. 2619. I have piercings and am getting tattoos. Do you have either? i have my ears and nose pierced. no desire to get tatts. 2620. Can you REALLY say that your way is the right way? sometimes. Maybe there is a different way for everyone? sure. 2621. What do you think of the song 'Imagine'? it’s soothing and thought provoking. 2622. Can you think of any reason i might have written this, other than I am bored with too much time on my hands? no idea. 2623. What is the purpose of art? i guess to get our visual senses running. How about movies? Music? 2624. Do you think that anything has lost its value because it's become too 'commercial'? What? instagram. before it was just a way to share photos but now it’s a popularity contest. 2625. Have you ever been promoted? no actually lol. fired? not really, more like ‘let go’. they didn’t need me anymore coz their business was failing. 2626. What do you call your private area? Does it have a nickname? vag. and no. 2627. What parts of your body are shaved? armpits, legs and down there. 2628. What is a peachclam? female genitals? 2629. What is the american dream? being successful in america. Is it the same as your dream? no, i don’t like there. 2630. Do you need to be right all the time? no. 2631. There was a sculpture that was supposed to be displayed for a week in the Rockafeller Center in NYC of a falling woman - designed as a memorial to those who jumped or fell to their death from the World Trade Center. It was complained about as grotesque, innopropriate and describe as 'not art' What do you think? 9/11 is still a very sensitive topic, i believe it could be considered art but the negative way it’ll make people feel overpowers its artistic message. It was taken down early because it was seen as 'offensive'. What do you think about that? that totally fair enough. The artist, Fischl, said in a statement. ``It was a sincere expression of deepest sympathy for the vulnerability of the human condition. Both specifically towards the victims of Sept. 11 and towards humanity in general.'' Are people just too sensitive? Or maybe people are NOT sensitive ENOUGH to the idea that others may have different views from them (or from the majority)? i can see it from both ways. She these different, opposing or offensive views be allowed to be expressed freely and openly? Why or why not? i think it’s best if it were in an art gallery instead. more like-minded people would visit it and appreciate it how the artist wanted it to be portrated. 2632. What letter's sound do you like the best? i’ve... never thought about that. 2633. What is one movie charater you identify with and why? none really. 2634. Do you act the same when you are alone as you do when people are watching? not really. 2635. Why is everyone so obssessed with superheros? i don’t knowww. 2636. What cliches do you hear over-used the most? meh. 2637. Do you handle inconvieniences well? not really. i’ll most likely complain. 2638. Are you a fan of Jackie Chan? yeah, he’s funny, talented, charming and does his own stunts lol. 2639. Is a promise a big deal? to me, yes. i don’t take them lightly. 2640. What is your place in the universe? right here. 2641. Once some scientists dug up a woolly mamoth, frozen in ice. It was still completely whole, not rotted or fosilized. The scientists decided to have a dinner party. It was a very posh affair. they served roast woolly mamoth steaks, the rarest meat in all the world. So, if you were invited, would you have eaten it? no. 2642. What are 3 things you DON'T want to know? when im gna die, any ‘truths’ in my family that would make me think differently of them and sob stories in general. 2643. It seems to me that a lot of people don't value their lives, or life in general very highly. Why do you suppose that is? it’s just the way the world works i guess. not everyone wants to eat healthy, work out, strive to be the best person they can be etc.  Are you like that? sometimes. 2644. Do you celebrate the harvest moon? no. 2645. Do you believe in out of body experiances? possibly. 2646. Why does so much depend upon a red wheel barrel glazed with rain water beside the white chickens? ok. 2647. Why do so many people get jobs that they dislike? because it’s all about earning money. 2648. Do you think that in THIS world, being creative is a handicap? no? Why or why not? being creative is a blessing and a way to express yourself. 2649. Do you ever get chills or shivers during movies? What movies? not really. 2650. Do you believe in the collective unconsiouss(that people are like onions..the outer layers are individualistic and the deeper you go the more similar we all are)? lol haven’t thought about it that deeply. 2651. Do you think that most people have the qualities you look for in friends/intimate relationships or do you feel alienated? the people i surround myself with are enough. i’m not really looking for new friends. 2652. Are you very critical: of others? yes. of yourself? yes. 2653. Is there such a thing as expecting too much? definitely. 2654. Would you rather take an hour lunch break or skip lunch and get out of work early? ski[ lunch and get off work early, always. 2655. Do you believe that happiness is equal to fakeness? shallowness? joy? something good that happens? an attitude you have inside no matter what happens? idk. 2656. Can you control your emotions? for the most part, yes. have you ever tried? yes. 2657. Imagine you are 34 weeks pregnant. You are healthy and you didn't have any major problems in your pregnancy. Would you consider flying from the UK to Germany, which takes one hour, without a bad feeling that something could go wrong or the baby decides to come out earlier? there would have to be a really good reason that i’m flying in the first place. i usually wouldn’t risk it. 2658. How long do you think it would take you to jog a mile? forever. i’m really unfit. 2659. Word assciation: twilight: wolf. garden: gnome. warm: sun. stars: sky. crash: bandicoot. mold: bathrooms. gold: leaf. green: leaf. lush: garden. 2660. Picture a triangle: Quick! What color is it? orange. Picture a square. Quick! What color is it? blue. Picture a circle. Quick! What color is it? yellow. Why do you think you saw these shapes as these colors? idk lol. 2661. What things are endless? nothing. 2662. Are you ever subtle? i can be. 2663. Because we don't know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood...some afternoon that's so deeply a part of your being that you can't conceive of your life without it? How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? How can you fully appreciate these moments, every moment, when it all seems limitless? ~Paul Bowles excerpt from The Sheltering Sky 2664. Do you never have an ordinary day? yes. 2665. Do you embrace every single thing you've never known? not everything. 2666. Has anyone ever mistaken you for a satanist? no lol. 2667. Can stress sometimes be good? if you work well under stress, then yeah. 2668. Write something random, just whatever flows out of your head without thinking. Forget punctuation just try to type as fast as you think: okay, this is getting boring.  2669. Are you a musical snob? yes. How about a film snob? no. 2670. When you were in school did you learn to think or repeat? think. 2671. Do you have everything you need to be happy? not yet. If not, what is missing? a direction. 2672. Would you take a very casualy dropped 'maybe I should just kill myself' as a warning ssign? yes, for sure. 2673. What does the word 'ironic' mean? Can you give an example of an ironic situation? no. 2674. What did you see today that was beautiful in an ordinary way? a plane flying through the sky. 2675. Have you ever been on the edge of the night? no? 2676. Do you feel oppressed in some way? no. 2677. Who do you think shot JFK? idk. Who do you think shot Martin Luthar King? idk. Why do you think they got shot? haters. 2679. Are you aware that although only about 14 percent of the american total population is black, that about 70 percent of the people in jail in america are black? Why do you think that is? a large part of it is racism, surely. a lot of the stuff in the media basically proves it. What conclusion can you draw based on this? whatever. 2678. Do you think that the culture you live in is completely open to all ideas and forms of expression? hell no. australia is one of the most narrow minded countries that’s very developed. tell me otherwise, please. 2680. What do you think of the character (muppet) on sesame street that has aids and should this kind of a theme be explored in children's television? it’s good. and yes, i feel like children should be educated on the different backgrounds and situations people in the world can be in. 2681. Are you dyslexic? no. 2682, Can you construct a bong out of: household objects? sure. an apple? sure. your cat? i dont have a cat. 2683. Starwars, star trek or star gate? none. 2684. Windows or mac? mac. 2685. Do you start conversations or wait for other people to start them? it depends who it is. 2686. How many phallac symbols can you think of? plenty. 2687. Would you but tickets to see the top ten american idols sing live? no. 2688. A bird may love a fish...but where would they live? on the shore. 2689. Are you a hologram or a misfit? none. 2690. How are you oriented sexually? straight. Do you agree with the people who say that everyone is bi-sexual even if they don't want to admit it? i think preferences are purely dependant on the person. you can’t label anyone but yourself. 2691. If you are the only human on the planet of the apes do you have sex with an ape? i don’t know. 2692. If you are making out with a sex someone and you reach down and find they have a fish tail instead of legs do you still fool around with them? no. 2693. Does superman wear kryptonite condoms? idk. 2694. Do you know exactly where you are? Do you know the meaning of it all? Do you know the distance to the sun? Do you know the echo that is love? *yawn* 2694. Do you believe you are: extraordinary? Blessed? Cursed? Won? lame lol. 2695. What are you doing this weekend? not sure yet. definitely going out on sunday night though.  2696. Do you believe that black people should get money to make up for their previous enslavement? the ones who have been freed, yes definitely. Do you believe that all oppressed people should get money to make up for their oppression? yes. 2697. What's a quagmire? that guy from family guy. 2698. Is philosophy a science or can everyone have their own philosophy? to each their own. 2699. Are you a big fish in a small pond? no. 2700. Would you like to read an entire novel written in stream of consciousness form? idk.

[lostpensioner]

Talent is Overrated.

You may expect that one of the reasons I have not gotten around to writing anything is that I have doubts about my talent.  Maybe I feel that I don’t feel up to the task.  Maybe I feel that writing should be left up to those who are naturally inclined towards creating beautiful, flowing prose; people whose heads are bursting with a myriad interesting thoughts; people who have a fresh perspective on the human condition.  But the truth is that I think nothing of the sort.

 For years I was indignant (There’s that word again!) at the unfairness of this world in terms of how it favoured the talented over the untalented.  In my youth, and even part-way into my middle age, there was a notable bias towards the more talented members of society.  Television, for instance, was the almost exclusive preserve of talented people.  One had to be a talented musician, actor, sportsperson, journalist or entertainer in order to be allowed onto the small screen.  It was a simple, straightforward process.  People were paid to appear on Television in proportion to the amount of talent they displayed.  Highly gifted people attracted large audiences and were rewarded munificently. Many performers of apparently lesser giftedness eventually rose, by dint of hard work and dedication to their craft, to more exalted ranks and became stars in their own right.

 Now I never liked that system.  In effect it made celebrity into a lottery. If you were fortunate to be born with exceptional talent, and an equal capacity for hard work, you were singled out from the crowd for special treatment.  There is something fundamentally undemocratic about that system. It is almost as if we were to enter into every maternity hospital in the land and segregate the babies on the purely specious basis that some of them are good at doing stuff and most of them aren’t.  You pick up one baby, examine it, notice a flair for music, and place it on the Talented pile.  “I’ve got good news for you”, you tell it.  “You are going to be rich and famous.  You will be adored by millions.  You will move the masses.  They will shower you with riches.  Many nubile young women will be yours to enjoy.  You will be given many televisions and countless hotel windows through which to throw them.  You will be given your own swimming pool in which to drown should you so wish.  You will have your very own vomit on which to choke should you so wish.  Your every whim will be treated with far more respect and attention than the average person’s deepest ambitions.”

 To most of the babies, the ones who go on the Untalented pile, we say:  “Sorry pal.  Our tests have revealed a total absence of any talent.  You are doomed to a life of quiet desperation.  I hope, for your sake, that it will at least have the merit of being short.”

 I am glad to be able to say that those days are over.  Success in life is no longer a lottery.  It no longer happens to you, at the whim of the fates.  You make it happen.  What is important is not how good you are at your chosen craft, but how desperate you are to succeed.  Great blows for democracy have been struck by the likes of Louis Walsh.  He would never ask you:  “Well, are you good at anything?”  No, he will simply ask you:      ” How desperate are you for celebrity?   Are you willing to make a complete arse of yourself in the pursuit of fame and fortune?”  This approach I find refreshing.  It means we are all free to follow our dreams, provided we have no serious artistic ambitions and are not limited by the bounds of good taste.

 Now, obviously Louis Walsh and his creations have taken over the sphere formerly inhabited by musicians.  But similar blows for freedom have been struck in the realm of popular literature.  Gone are the days when being a writer meant starving in a freezing garret. Gone are the days of slaving over a typewriter for years before timidly begging publishers to kindly take a look at your work.  Nowadays the first step towards being a best-selling author is to have breast implants.  The resulting chest should then be paraded in the mass media for at least six months.  Then you announce that you are writing a book.  You will immediately be given several million Euro and all the assistance you need with such irksome literary chores as spelling, grammar, punctuation and all that nonsense.

 If you wish to sustain a career in literature, or any other branch of the arts, nowadays it is important to never appear apologetic for your lack of talent.  You must never question the fact that you have become “successful”, that you are a “celebrity”.  No. In fact, you must do the opposite.  You must regularly complain, through all of the available media, that you are not being given the respect you deserve, particularly in your own country.  The advance for your last novel was only ten billion Euro which, given the fact that you have put this country on the airport bestseller map, is an insult.

 I am being somewhat facetious of course. Big knockers alone are probably not going to get you a publishing deal.  Few people nowadays become celebrities by writing best-sellers.  The normal route now is that one must become a celebrity first and then turn to a career in literature.  But that is not much of an obstacle now.  Becoming a celebrity shouldn’t take up more than a few months of your time.  And there are clear-cut routes to celebrity.  The most obvious route is of course that of Reality T.V.  This wonderfully democratic institution allows you to achieve “Success” and “Celebrity” without needing to be burdened down with talent or without needing to slog away at some craft for many underpaid, unappreciated years.

 Now one simply needs to get on Television through the medium of a program such as “Two Ton Fathers of Three Headed Dwarves.”  (I think I’ve just made up that title, for comic effect, but I’m not sure.  I may have actually watched it last night for ninety minutes.)  On such a program the fathers would be brought to a jungle and subjected to various ordeals in order to exploit their freakishness in the name of entertainment. The viewers would vote them off each weak on the basis of lack of obesity, lack of heads on their offspring or height of said offspring.  The winner would become instantly rich and famous and start doing the rounds of the chat shows, where they could complain about how they are not being given the respect they deserve, particularly in their own country, which is insulting given the fact that they have put that country on the two ton fathers of three headed dwarves map.

 It is unlikely that the winning father would be offered a publishing deal straight away.  Before he could be given a ten million Euro advance he would have to prove that he is no flash in the pan. He would have to prove himself by appearing on “Celebrity Two Ton Fathers of Three Headed Dwarves.”  At this stage of his career he would have to do something a bit controversial in order to break away from the clean-cut image he had hitherto struggled to maintain.  A carefully chosen, yet apparently throw-away, remark making fun of three ton fathers of four headed dwarves might be enough to move our celebrity from the entertainment sections of the tabloids onto the front pages of broadsheets which used to have a reputation for quality.  This notoriety will then be taken up by the main evening news programs on respectable radio and television stations.  Within a matter of only months our two ton father will be a household name.  Then comes the ten million Euro advance.  Then comes the hard graft of sitting down with the ghost writer for a whole day to block out the bestseller.

 What I most like about this approach to publishing is that it frees writers up from the drudgery of writing. There is nothing glamorous or watchable about the process of writing.  We will never fill stadiums by putting an author on a stage and watching him typing for three hours.  There is no money in that. Neither is there any entertainment value. What is entertaining is watching authors, particularly those with breast implants, being interviewed about why they are not getting the respect they deserve, particularly in their own country.  

 As you can see, I am a big fan of the current state of publishing.  But if I were forced to raise a minor quibble it would have to be the books themselves. I think that, for environmental reasons, it should be necessary to dispense with them.  Nobody actually derives any pleasure from reading them, so why bother printing them.  We want to see celebrity authors on chat shows, but we don’t want to plough through their literary efforts.  If people will insist on reading books, why not turn the task of producing those books over to the ghost writers, who presumably have some talent for that sort of thing.  They could be paid the minimum wage by the publishing houses and told to get on with their typing.  Why should they be paid any more than this when they haven’t gone to the trouble of becoming celebrities?