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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 7 months

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In the last few days, I've made two long and rambling posts about Cowgate, a short incident from 2003 that haunts my nightmares. I think people should know that when I make posts like that - the ones that go way too long about something entirely niche - I am operating under the assumption that absolutely no one is reading this bullshit. Even the small handful of people who read this blog regularly, I assume you skip over those ones.

That's not just a hypothetical assumption, I make writing choices accordingly. I assume the only purpose of this post is to give me somewhere to put the hauntings besides my nightmares, and therefore, it doesn't matter if it's readable. I know that my whole blog is full of errors, but on posts like that, I get especially lax with things like editing. I go really deep on things where on a different post, I might think - okay, that's far enough. Because no one is reading this.

I have now been proven wrong several times about those couple of posts, which both mildly embarrasses and delights me. First of all, I got this great comment from @beastlyanachronism, which is now how I love to picture myself:

Then, the wonderful @lastweeksshirttonight proved that they'd read not only the posts but the comment, by immediately messaging me a corresponding picture. I replied that I love the image, I will definitely start my post with that image the next time a new Cowgate-based detail is found and I need to write about it. I didn't expect that to be soon, though. Breakthroughs are few and far between.

But then, I got another message, proving that at least three different people have read my post (actually four, if you count the very kind British man who read my post and then sent me a message to explain the nuances in the expression "bottle it"). And that last message is the reason for this post. Because, I can't believe I've been given cause to use this image so soon:

Further content behind the cut, because not everyone needs this content all over their feed.

This relates to the message I got last night, from the extremely helpful @linkeightvideo, who not only read my posts, but joined the cause and did his own research. And came up with this link:

The Metro cow is a thing!!! I knew the wording of that YouTube comment was weird (calling it "the Metro cow", rather than something like "a cow that said Metro on it"), suggesting that this was a specific and recognizable instillation. And I was right! But I cannot take credit for figuring that out, all credit goes to @linkeightvideo, who is the best.

The above link is to an archived version of an article from August 5, 2003, about three weeks before Cowgate occurred (which was August 26, 2003 - fun fact that has absolutely nothing to do with anything because to the best of my knowledge he wasn't there or anything, but that was also Nish Kumar's eighteenth birthday). The article is from the Edinburgh Fringe website. It's short enough so I'm just going to paste its text in full:

The Fringe was hit by a bunch of cotton-pickin', rootin-tootin' cattle ruslers in the early hours of Saturday night. The almost life-sized, bright blue and red Metro bull was stolen from outside the Metro Fringe Box Office. Metro newspapers are appealing for its safe return before the police are called and urge anyone with information to come forward. Metro Fringe Box Office Manager, Gillian O'Connor said: "We're distraught to have lost such a valuable member of the Box Office team! Please bring him back." The bull had just completed a secondment outside London's Victoria station, where he stood unmoved for a month. Yet after only a few days on duty with the Fringe he has gone missing leaving today's Festival Cavalcade a bull short of a procession.

That's it!!! That's the one! It was blue and red! I know it was blue and red, because Adam hills shouted "it's got red horns, it's all the rage". And it was almost life sized! And it said Metro on the side! Further research - also done by @linkeightvideo, he deserves all the credit in the world for this - finds that Metro sponsored the Edinburgh Fringe Festival that year, and also directly sponsored the Gilded Balloon venue.

So, the company called Metro had a large cow that was used in advertisements, and for one month in the summer of 2003, it was in London, outside Victoria Station. Then it was brought to Edinburgh, because they were sponsoring the festival and running a box office. They put it outside that box office, and it got stolen within "a few days" (which makes sense, as August 5th is a few days into the festival). It was meant to be part of the Festival Cavalcade, but couldn't be due to thieves.

Then, three weeks later, it spends all night on stage during a late-night comedy show in an Edinburgh venue that Metro sponsors, where it gets taken apart. How do we get from one state of affairs to the other? I don't know, but I'm a hell of a lot closer to understanding than I was yesterday. If the cow was somehow recovered, it would make sense from them to move it indoors, where it can be guarded better (again, credit for this idea goes to @linkeightvideo, and I think it makes sense). I mean, it can be guarded from drunk thieves in the middle of the night. Apparently the stage of the Gilded Balloon is not a good place to guard it from (shockingly) sober comedians in the middle of the night.

This made me try searching again for the specific words "Metro cow", and I found this article from December 12, 2003. It's a list of people who are involved with whatever organization this is, I'm not really clear on that. But it includes this one guy named Stephen Auckland. He's from the North of England, and as of when this was written, he was listened as the managing director of Metro. The bottom of his profile says:

An able sidekick to Associated Newspaper's Mike Anderson, even when it came to keeping up appearances following the disappearance of Mootro, Metro's cow mascot, from the Edinburgh festival. Auckland offered to dress up as a pantomime version. Luckily, they found the cow.

Guys! Guys! It has a fucking name! The Cowgate cow has a name! It's named Mootro! Now that I think about it, I actually can't believe I've never named the thing, given that I named the event (Cowgate), and giving the cow a name is the sort of thing I'd do. But I don't have to, because apparently it's named Mootro.

And the story has an update. It was stolen by August 5, and then it was found at some unknown point, and by August 26 it was in the Gilded Balloon. And then it got taken apart on stage.

I think this brings up one obvious question, which is: if this thing was important enough for its theft to be reported on the Edinburgh Fringe website, how come they were allowed to destroy it? The obvious answer would be that it was specifically made for just that one Edinburgh Festival, and was meant to be destroyed at the end of it anyway. But why did it spend a month in London right before that, then? And why would they do that anyway? Surely it's not efficient to make something like that for only a month, you'd think they'd plan to have it last a while and move it around based on where they're sponsoring things.

I can't believe this. This is the biggest revelation since I figured out who the fuck Karen Koren was, the woman referenced in Adam Hills' song, after after ages of Googling comedians named "Erin Coren" (finally worked out that she was the venue owner, which seems obvious now but it hadn't occurred to me at the time, when I was expecting it to be a reference to another performer). Actually, this is a much bigger revelation than that one, which just explained a couple of Adam Hills' lyrics. This is the biggest revelation in all the Cowgate research yet. The two main questions at the heart of the Cowgate mystery are: "Why did you do it?" and "Where did you get the cow?" And now one of those questions has been answered! It has a fucking name!

That second article referred to it specifically as the Metro "mascot". I guess a company is going to make more than one version of a mascot. But still, I don't think you're allowed to just destroy a sponsor's mascot. Maybe that mascot was at the end of its life anyway? Maybe Daniel Kitson just doesn't give a fuck? Maybe Daniel Kitson stole the cow in the first place. There's a whole new question. Who stole the cow? How did they get it back? How did it get from there to its whereabouts on August 26?

I know it wasn't on the Gilded Balloon stage every night of the 2003 Edinburgh Festival, because there's no sign of it in this montage, from Late 'n' Live on August 19, 2003 (also a fun video and great snippets of Chocolate Milk Gang history, if you can get past the second-hand embarrassment of Kitson trying his rap battle thing with an actual musician, and the presence of an actual musician makes the whole thing seem less ironic and therefore harder to watch - but you do get to see David O'Doherty beat up Jason Byrne and that's hilarious, also it's very funny to watch Daniel Kitson do something as out of character as brag about "nearly" winning a Barry Award and having a girlfriend from Australia, especially given how the latter turned out):

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So it wasn't there on that night. Also, it just couldn't have been there every night. The Gilded Balloon is a proper venue that has proper shows during most of its time, it couldn't just have a large cow on stage for all of those. Also, in the beginning of that montage video from August 26, you see Kitson talking to the audience about the cow, and it sounds like he considers its presence as much of a novelty as they do. I mean, he's making fun of them for thinking it's a novelty, but he doesn't seem familiar with it, it seems like something he has to address:

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This is the main reason for my theory that they didn't plan it beforehand, the montage shows the audience giving Kitson challenges for easy things to do with the cow, he asks them for more difficult challenges and then the video cuts, but I think the audience then asked him to tear it apart. It's a theory that makes sense based on some circumstantial evidence, but it does open up other questions. The main one being whether you can get permission to destroy a company's mascot between the beginning and the end of a comedy show, especially a comedy show that takes place entirely in the middle of the night. It doesn't seem likely. It also opens up some smaller questions, like what they were planning as the end of the show - the finale of the last night of Late 'n' Live, so you'd think they'd have something - that got bumped for this.

This reminds me that I had some further thoughts on the other mystery, of what actually went down on the night of August 26. I was thinking of the somewhat blue sky theory of there being two previous. Evidence for this: Adam Hills referred to "three chances", they were able to pick up chisels off the ground that seemed to just be lying around (possibly having been discarded after previous attempts), and Kitson in that video does have their air of someone who's already watched this go wrong and is really determined to make sure they get it fucking right this time. Evidence against: I'm not sure that works from a show planning perspective. What if it had worked on the first try, then what would the finale have been? If they'd watched it fail twice, would they really have made it the finale, knowing it may well fail a third time and that would be a shit ending? Though this could possibly be explained by the presence of the pipe that someone runs on stage, significantly increasing their chances compared to any attempt where that pipe was not in play.

I thought of something else today: the cow was already down when they started that video. Earlier in the night, we see comedians sitting on the cow, it's standing up. But at the end, when those guys run out to try to take it apart, they don't have to knock it down first. It's already lying on its side. They could have knock it down just before starting the song, but why would they do that? Surely knocking it down would be a fun dramatic moment, so if this were the first time they'd messed with the cow, they'd leave the knocking down to be part of the process. Unless this weren't the first time, and they had dramatically knocked it down before starting to try taking it apart, but this one done at some earlier point that the video didn't catch.

Anyway. That's the revelation. Along with some further thoughts on theories, but the main thing is the revelation. Massive breakthrough, and I need to thank @linkeightvideo one more time for research that he was under absolutely no obligation to do, but he came through anyway. What a legend. Am I using the British expressions right? What a solid gold legend.

#Youtube

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iamthecomet · 6 months

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@purlty23 tagged me in This game and I'm super excited about it! (I tried to reblog the original post and just tack on but tumblr hates me)

Thanks Blue, this was so fun!

I'm tagging: @amara-among-the-stars, @mac-and-thefox, @littlemoon-beam, @divine-misfortune and whoever else also wants to expose their sins to the internet. Under the cut, because LONG.

Xena Warrior Princess - Passive Enjoyer Only passive because I was too young to be anything else. Barely counts, except that this show was my first real obsession so I have to include it. I dressed up as Xena for halloween when I was like…5. The pictures are incredible.

Good Charlotte - Mostly passive As is a trend with a lot of these, I wrote a little fan fic, and daydreamed a thousand scenarios, but never shared any of it. I was mildy obsessed with Benji Martin, but I didn't really get involved beyond that.

LOTR - Creative Enjoyer The first fan-fic I ever posted on the internet (I was twelve, people were mean). I didn't make any friends within the fandom. But I was so determined to write for it that I had an entire novel planned out--that eventually became an original book idea instead.

Harry Potter- Mostly Passive I read a lot of HP fanfic, but not as much as others. I didn't get involved in online conversations. I did dabble in writing some fics that I hid from the world and never finished.

The Boston Red Sox - Creative Enjoyer Ok. Now you know why I said I was exposing myself. Look I was like 12-14. My best friend and I filled entire notebooks with our MANY chaptered fic that spanned the entire 2004 Red Sox Season, that we started the day they won the world series that year. We hand wrote it all, I transcribed it into my computer where it still exists somewhere. It was our EVERYTHING. And it has never (and will never) see the light of day. I may have posted some Red Sox fic on the internet in my Live Journal days, and I made a bunch of online friends within that community, but they never saw THE fic.

Rammstein - Creative Enjoyer Again, my best friend and I had a notebook with a long form rammstein fic in. We didn't go as far with this one. And I didn't get involved in any online communities. Though, our love for Rammstein lived a lot longer than our fic writing did.

Twilight - Creative Enjoyer In that I wrote and posted a single fic about Alice.

Lost - Passive Enjoyer. I read a billion Skate fics. Probably thought about writing my own, but I don't think I ever actually did. Was obsessed with this show until the last season. I still have never seen the last episode.

Vampire Academy (THE BOOKS) - Passive Enjoyer. Not a lot online. Read some fic. Was so obsessed with this book that I started to write a fanfic where we got to see some of the story from Dimitri's persepective and accidentally created and entire new plot and new characters and accidentally created my own CHILD of an original novel because of it.

Grishaverse (Shadow and Bone/Six of Crows/Rule of Wolves) - Passive Enjoyer Loved these books. Loved every single character. Read as much fanfic as I could find. Accidentally spoiled a death in one of the books with fanfiction.

Avenged Sevenfold - Creative Enjoyer Short lived. Read some INCREDIBLE fics on the basically defunct site Mibba and thought "I can do that" and was fighting for my life in college. Wrote a few chapters of a fic. Got decent feedback. Got bored immediately.

Supernatural - passive enjoyer Read some fic. Took me like 15 tries to actually get through the whole show. Adored it, never went very far with it.

Marvel (Specifically The Winter Soldier) - Passive Enjoyer. I should have been a creative enjoyer, but was too afraid to write anything or put myself out there. (I spent all of my time after high school/college thinking that fanfic was a waste of time and I should never write it because I needed to be serious. What a waste). Still mildly obsessed with BuckyNat. I adore Bucky and Black Widow. If they put out another good movie I could see myself falling down that rabbit hole and actually letting myself land. The trailer for The Winter Soldier changed my brain chemistry (nevermind the whole move).

Fallout 4 - Passive Enjoyer I could read Sole Survivor/Paladin Danse fics every day forever. I know that's insane. Stop looking at me like that.

Ghost - Creative Enjoyer. Finally allowed myself to write whatever the fuck I want and have fun with it and it has changed my entire fucking life. Wish I'd done it sooner. So glad I got to do it now and with all of you. ♥

#comet comments #tag game #fandom game #I adore this so much blue!!!

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moonchild-in-blue · 7 months

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went outside to let one of my kitties play in the snow while the train was passing, the neighborhood was very peaceful and quiet. 💚

(i dressed appropriately for the cold, I promise)

Like street lamps, we glow so dim Like four walls, you've shut me in

I took a while to reply to this because I got weirdly emotional (what a surprise, pathetic wet cat girl is crying again), and rambled waay too much, so I'll spare you all and keep this under a cut.

Warning, this is Long and makes very little sense - I drafted it earlier this morning but wanted to get a picture of that ^ before posting. Also ignore my mistake lol, I should've double checked the lyrics beforehand.

You, know I spent a very long time last night looking at this picture. Something about the orange glow on the white layer of snow that is just... so peaceful and melancholic. I have a weird attraction to street lights - can't really explain why, but something about them makes me weirdly emotional (when I say I easily cry at the weirdest things, I'm not kidding in the slightest).

And then the snow.

Where I'm from, where I live, we don't have snow. Ever. Save for a small part of the very north of the country, the rest of us never get it - plenty of hail, and 5 minutes of barely-snow during a particularly cold day if you're extremely lucky, but never the real deal.

The first time I saw real, white, fluffy snow was during the autumn of 2016, right after moving to the UK for my studies. I was 19. It was such a beautiful moment - me and a bunch of other students from the dorms went out in our pjs at like, 4 or 5am to play in the snow. The first heavy snow I experienced was 2 years later, November 2018.

For the few years I lived there, I got to live through some wonderful snow days. It was amazing to wake up, look out my apartment window, and see the whole street covered in white. It's the one thing I genuinely miss about the UK.

Seeing this picture, the cars covered in white, the golden orange light, the night, dark and silent and peaceful, brought back so many memories of my early 20s nights. Getting home at 1am, exhausted and on the verge of tears, after a shitty shift at work. Me and my flatmates singing on the streets after one too many drinks at our favourite pub. 3am runs to the dingiest takeaway possible for oily chips and disgusting pizza.

So much of these seemingly ordinarily experiences are things that I will never get to live again. And that's fine and expected - I can't be 22 forever, and thank God I'm not! But I do get nostalgic about those times.

Sometimes I feel like it was just yesterday that I was waiting on the cold for a taxi after a house party, annoyed at myself for not kissing the guy I had a crush on. Sometimes they feel so distance, like forgotten memories belonging to someone else. And I don't know, this kinda brought back so many emotions, I had to take a moment to sort them out.

This also reminded me of a Midwest Emo album cover. Like, I can 100% see this picture on the next Real Friends / The Wonder Years / American Football / whatever band cover.

In particular, it reminded me of these two songs (aside from that first song I shared. Which btw I can't reccomend them enough). They're a bit sad (no surprises there), and not really related to your photo at all, but uhhhh yeah. I'm sharing anyways. Because why not.

Something about midwest emo/pop-punk bands that just puts you in a hyper contemplative mood 👍

If you read this whole nonsense ramble, I apologise. Once I get sentimental, it's hard not to pour over. I will never not be a sad emo girl, no matter how much time it passes lol 💙💚

Here's a nice cookie for your troubles 🤲🍪

#I'm so sorry for the unsolicited story time #also GOOD FOR YOU for being dressed warmly 😤 we don't want you to be sicker 🤧 (just sicker 😎)#<- i realise now i'm turning into a grandma 😐 sorry. i blame it on the Eldest Daughter Syndrome #anyways i love this picture so much. getting all emotional for no good reason #darya answers #soft with halo #darya's mixtape #<- i guess #special pocket post

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scribbleboxfox · 2 years

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This Weekend’s Dumpsterfire and The Future of TLRH

Putting under a readmore for courtesy.

By now, most of us have seen what went down this weekend with a bunch of former Rooster Teeth employees coming forward about how they were treated by the company. @anneapocalypse worded it better than I ever could on Twitter, but none of this is news. RT has always been like this, and they’re not going to change. I hope they crash and burn permanently this time, so the malicious behavior of both HR and their higher-ups never hurts anyone again. I hope the underpaid employees, both current and former, are properly compensated for the work that they’ve done. And I hope Rooster Teeth is sued into the fucking ground.

I stopped watching their content (sans RvB) back during my sophomore year of college. I wish I could say it was because of some sixth sense that I had before I became aware of all the bullshit behind the scenes, but truth told, I just outgrew them. And now, with the full picture of the harm RT has caused coming into focus, I don’t think I want to be associated in any way with their content.

So what does that mean for The Long Road Home?

Well, considering the amount of work I’ve put into the damned thing, it’d be a waste to not finish it. I started writing TLRH because I had a gut feeling that the story I’d come to love wouldn’t be continued; that loose ends would never properly be tied up. Thanks, Apollo, you bastard.

I want to emphasize that I am, and always have been, writing this fic for myself. And I think I want to finish writing it for myself.

That being said, I need to address some hard truths;

I don’t think I can illustrate every chapter anymore. Right now, the thought of drawing the characters from a show that helped form the foundation of Rooster Teeth sickens me. I’m hoping that will change, mostly so I can keep building my skills as an artist. If I do illustrate the next few chapters, those drawings will likely only be of the original characters I’ve inserted into the fic.

There’s a real chance I might cut certain future mini-plots I had planned so I can finish the fic sooner and wash my hands of the whole ordeal. Anything that gets cut will be addressed in the Notes of the final chapter.

Once this fic is finished, there is a very real chance I will never write anything for this universe ever again.

I might need to extend my hiatus till the end of the year.

When I first started writing TLRH, I estimated that it would take me roughly 7 years to finish it. We’re now on year 5, and my estimate is looking to be accurate. Now that Arc 2 is finished, and we only have about 2-3 LFC’s (Long Fucking Chapter’s) left at the beginning of Arc 3, it’s going to be easy going from here, relatively speaking.

In short; I can probably post chapters faster. Which means I can get this thing over with sooner.

Don’t be alarmed, the story I’m trying to tell is still going to have all the nuance and love and whatnot that I intended originally. I might just need to take some time before I can find the drive to keep going. I’ve been falling out of love with RvB for a while for a number of reasons, but this is the final nail in the coffin. Still, like I said, I’m going to finish TLRH, and I’m going to do the story and characters justice. If only to say that I did.

TL;DR: Fuck Rooster Teeth, I genuinely hope this kills the company for good and that all the people it hurt are properly compensated. I’m going to finish my fanfic with flying colors and then probably never touch Red vs. Blue again, but some changes to the formatting will likely be made.

Stay safe, stay hydrated, and for the love of fuck, stay off Twitter.

-Scribs

#tlrh #rvb #red vs blue #normally i wouldnt put something like this in the main tag. but i want ppl to see it so i dont get fucking HARASSED for finishing the fic #like yes it's still rt related content but also they sure as fuck dont make money off of it #also probs not doing rvb secret santa this year. for obvious reasons #and I'm scrapping my Kimball cosplay completely #anyways hmu if you have questions but dont be a dick

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thegongoozlerreacts · 4 months

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Welcome Home: Homewarming Update

ok so. yes i KNOW its been like several weeks already since this has been first updated and im very much late to the party (thankfully not late enough to have missed everything) but i was soooo freaking busy since the update dropped, and now i finally have the time to check it out!!!! lets GOOO!!!

spoilers under the cut

so number one thing i noticed: new link and in fact, new site domain (is that what its called?? well my point is that it's no longer being hosted by wix which yeah, that makes sense)

another thing i noticed is there are no more bug videos and doodle audio (aww)

i havent checked if the askew letter links still work but i will check now

ok just checked and nope! does not work, which means most of the secret links prior to this website change are no longer working (unsure if they'll be added back later on, but i hope they will) it's not too bothersome that they're gone, since im sure they've all been uploaded somewhere on YouTube, but it's more fun going to the actual links myself hehe

anyways! moving on to the actual update

Christmas!! or, as they call it, Homewarming

the little doodles are cute, however I am a bit suspicious of the star with its red eye (but the ham is most suspicious, what's it doing there in a tree?!?!?)

interesting placement for this tree, since it is boxing in a letter

i wonder if that means there's some new secret links? i'll take note of it

now, let's head over to the News page

he is presenting jello to me

so the post regarding the actual update is dated as December 25 2023, followed by a correction where the person says they're unsure how they made that mistake

lolol nice we got Christmas in spring

anyways, it says that there are toys, more cookbook pages, AND more vinyl records!! excited to check these out!!

let's head on over to the Merchandise page

??? CIGARETTES????

bro 😭😭 who thought it was a good idea to sell child-friendly tobacco pipes,,, thats crazy,,, also another brand mention: Hooplah cigarettes

ok so among the website changes, there's also some changes to old stuff, such as the telephone (the layout for the audio is different, and it seems Wally's audio is no longer there (not even hidden, like before)

new cookbook pages!

the first ten pages are of various hotdogs with one-sentence puns about them,, incredible

this one is my favorite LMFAOOO

DD: OH NO !!!

the crispy sweets pancakes look like they'll give me diabetes

the single pea in gelatin recipe is singlehandedly the funniest recipe i've ever seen because like,,, you made a whole gelatin, and you put just a single pea in the center of it,, just one.. LMFAOOOO

Julie's gelatin just. makes you put in a whole MUG in the gelatin?!??!?!? a mug full of hot cocoa??!? at least Frank's gelatin is edible all throughout?!?!?!

bye i saw 'Poppy Partridge' and the picture of a turkey and i was like '?? yOU COOKED HER???' but then i read the full title and it says it's a bird-free birdseed turkey LMFAO

perfect. the best recipe in this whole cookbook, im sure

there's a cigarette here?? even tho this isnt the smoking merch?? its a book??

so the book is a catalogue for toys and merch they were selling during the holidays, very cool

hELP THEY LOOK SO SILLY

what did they do to my boys 😭😭 his forehead is MASSIVE

lowkey tho i want that Julie Build-Your-Own-Game Kit cuz like wow, that is a bunch of toys in that one kit n its really cheap????

oh my god i just realized. the Marlo logo looks like a swirly eye inside a house what the hell

anywyas now its time for the radio advertisement ft. Santa himself

hmm interesting how the ad ends in glitchy noises upon saying Eddie's name, the only one who was not mentioned with a specific set unlike the others (tho that may not be that important of a detail)

next up is another storybook record! featuring Wally singing a song??!? awesoem

sorry im laughing at the absolute difference in tone and energy between the Narrator and Wally

Narrator's got a boisterous loud voice and then cut to Wally in his little low-energy voice LMFAO

Barnaby and Wally are so cute together <333

FRANK: How I would say what? JULIE: What who would the huh?

LMFAO the way Julie said her line was way too funny

FRANK: (Frank greets Wally Warmly, but is cold with Barnaby.) Hello, Wally. Barnaby. BARNABY: (Said in a similar tone mockingly.) Hiya Jewels! Frank.

Frank and Barnaby fighting is honestly one of the funniest dynamics in the whole Neighborhood to me

Julie goes into hibernation?? legit ??? nice

HELP ME WALLY JUST DEADPAN SAYING 'Shush.' TO BARNABY'S LOUD ASS VOICE LMFAOOAOA

i dont think the 'Caninus Coccinellidae' is a real bug that exists, since i tried searching it up and only got coccinellidae in general i wonder what exactly this insect is, since the word 'caninus' means it relates to canines or dogs a dog ladybug sounds like a very interesting creature

help did Howdy somehow sneak an advertisement for his store in the narrator's script 😭😭 incredible

i really like Howdy's voice, its really fitting for him

SALLY IS CLIMBING THE TREE?????

she's climbing it to stay the biggest star in town LMFAO

is she just gonna be there the whole season or something??? at least her outfit slays???

i love how dramatic Sally is but like girlie dont fall off the tree??!??!?!

oh Santa Claus mention

this talk about food is making me hungry LOL

wait did the narrator just say that all the neighborhood's been accounted for?? but what about Eddie??? he hasnt shown up??

what the hell?? what's that weird noise in the back of Wally saying 'How can that be?' is it a voice? it kinda sounds like its saying something

well this was a very cute story (still wondering where Eddie is)

after this is audio of Wally singing!! more Wally singing!! very cool

and now we've got an album of (almost) everyone else singing too!

interestingly, there's a drawing of an envelope on the audio tab thing i wonder if thats important

Sally's really good at singing actually all their singing voices are really good

SALLY: Juliette, I fell from the sky, you fell from a house... LMFAO they're so silly

next up is a track featuring Howdy's family? oooh

i cant believe his mom and dad are named 'Hiya' and 'Biya' respectively,,, amazing,, is the rest of the family gonna be named with words used for greetings and farewells??

his brother is named Latter tho oh,, Latter like 'later' like 'see ya later' because his sister and brother are named Seeya and Latter and wow,,,, amazing

also Howdy's clear favorites LMFAO

ok i kinda feel bad for Latter that Howdy likes his brother-in-law more than his own brother 😭

also?? Seeya and Beeya's kids being named Howdo and Youdo??? amazing lmao

also its interesting how on the album cover you can see how Howdy's parents and his sister have wings but theyre still caterpillars???

i think its really funny that there's just some random person there named 'Sue' who isnt even part of the family LMFAOO

also the grandma being named Sally Tations is really clever i think

Barnaby showing up at the end only adds fuel to the fire of my Barnaby x Howdy ship

and now its the tobacco pipe merch that absolutely baffles me

the ad audio features Barnaby and Howdy advertising it to Howdy's nephews,,,,, at least theyre not letting them smoke for real?????

now we got a Frank solo album where he sings a song about hibernation, cute

Even if I might not be able to see you, I know it’s for the best, I can’t keep you,

OUCH? this song is kinda sad what the fuck 😭😭 aww Frank :(((

more merchandise after this is some greeting cards for homewarming that are very cute, but not much to see other than a hibernating Julie and Barnaby and Wally being besties

after that is a crispy sweets frosted cereal, that apparently has a holiday-themed decoder ring?? with Eddie?? hmmm interesting

OH MY GOD. THE LITTLE DRAWINGS ALL OVER THE SITE ARE FOR THIS DECODER RING???

but whats the key?? is it just this as it is on the box? is there another clue on the site?

ok i think first i will finish checking all the pages before going around and looking for the symbols

checking the guestbook, and while you still cant submit anything new, it seems there also is just... no more guestbook?? thats too bad

theres new Homewarming stickers!! i love them theyre so cute!! everyone in a snowglobe doing things that we've heard them doing in the storybook audios! nice nice

nothing new in media, the 'whats welcome home' page, and the about us page (besides the Homewarming symbols)

oh actually something notable about the About Us page is that there is no longer any of the glitchy overlayed text, which makes sense since they mention in the News page that the website is free of bugs and glitches

aww everyone's homes in The Neighborhood page are all Homewarming-themed now! hmm except for Home and Eddie's post office

well, you can see a decorated Home when you enter the page but the Post Office being the only not decorated even a bit is interesting,,, Eddie also wasnt in the Homewarming Storybook Record,,, hmmmm

i dont know if it means anything but it is interesting

the staff only version of The Playfellow Exhibition is no longer on the site (or if it is i cant find it)

well it seems like i've gone through every new thing besides the secret code, which i think might be a link, since on the guestbook page there were 3 symbols that looked like a genie's lamp, which translates to 'w' so its probably a link

actually, now that im looking at it closer its probably like. a cup like the one that pours out gravy in the dinner scene in Coraline

ok im pretty sure i've got all the symbols scattered over the site, but i have NO idea what order they should be in

i, o, m, a, a, r, e, t, y, g, y, e, r, f, s, n, e, w, n, w, w, w, y

maybe instead of a link its a scrambled message?

ok i honestly have no idea where to go from here so,,, searching the internet it is !!

OK!!! since i am so incredibly late to the party, i've found the secret code on the internet kakakka

it is this https://www.awayfrompryingeyes.net

oh that makes sense,,, its a phrase that was similar to one used in the news update about Homewarming "Don’t you feel at peace exploring these pages? Free from worry? From prying eyes?"

very very interesting! lets check it out

very very interesting indeed,, ok so basically this site is gonna be an archive for the secrets from before, and all entries are signed 'W' which is very interesting too

the person writing these seem to be the creator of the site? or at least someone who manages the site

lets check out the evidence thats been archived here so far

ok so i think these evidences are actually NEW things which is cool! presumably past secrets (such as the bug videos, doodle audios, askew letters and others) will be added onto here at some point in time

now lets listen to this phone call that 'W' has gotten from Wally himself

so Wally is singing Toyland again

i wonder if there will ever come a time where we can be able to respond or communicate with Wally

he mentions that Barnaby will be here soon hmm tbh when the site first launched i had read some theories that maybe Wally was literally physically isolated from the rest of the neighborhood (something to do with the so below stuff i think?) but if Wally is being a reliable narrator (as in, he's telling the truth that Barnaby really is gonna visit him soon), then that disproves that

he seems to be left alone most of the time tho i think?? well at least now during Homewarming season since he said everyone's busy

he might not be physically isolated from the rest of the neighborhood, but he probably still feels pretty lonely :((

anyways, the next evidence is under 'commercials' i wonder what this will be

omg??? animated stuff??? thats so cool :000 an animated commercial for crispy sweets, incredible

oh! a commercial for the cookbook why is there just. a ham?? under the tree ?? i think the one single pea on a plate is the funniest gag ever

Wally's ball and cup,,,, what does it say about me that even tho its not real i still want it??? its said to be made by the 'you-wont-believe-it' company, which is interesting since im pretty sure so far the only companies noted to be involved with Welcome Home is Playfellow, Marlo, and the crispy sweet cereal so now we've got another affiliation (oh and the cigarette brand, Hooplah)

commercial for the "Homewarming Harmonies for Hearth and Home" Album, featuring a duet with Frank and Poppy!! Poppy's voice sounds really good also the Homewarming tree is made of food???

A COMMERCIAL FEATURING EDDIE ?? Eddie who has been suspiciously absent from the Homewarming festivities??

ah i see... Eddie's been working during Homewarming huh? maybe thats why the Post Office isnt decorated and he wasnt in the storybook record? cuz he was working??? no but thats weird,, Wally and Barnaby were walking around so surely they wouldve at least bumped into him delivering stuff?? maybe he was in his post office then?

an ad-break card with Frank and Sally, cute cute i remember there was a similar holiday-themed 'we'll be right back' card with Frank and Julie decorating a cake, i wonder if that will appear here?

OH?? a commercial featuring Barnaby's mom?? aww ok their dynamic is cute (even if its just a commercial for eggnog)

OMG ANOTHER ANIMATED COMMERCIAL WITH HOWDY AND BARNABY its for the cigarettes LOL

EDDIE AGAIN oH NO I FEEL SO BAD FOR HIM IS HE ALONE ON THE HOLIDAYS??? SO HE'S JUST BEEN IN THE POST OFFICE THIS WHOLE TIME BY HIMSELF???? PLEASE,,,, EDDIE GO OUTSIDE or someone like. go inside or call this man i cant take the idea of Eddie being alone wtf?!??!?!?

and now an ad-break card with Poppy and Julie

and now what i think is a continuation of the commercial for the Homewarming album

NOOOOOOOO EDDIE....... GO OUTSIDE JUST DONT WORK...... PLEASE..... someone give this man something to deliver GAH he's mad ?!??! Eddie Dear please go outside (SOMEONE TALK TO THIS MAN) he's played several games of tic-tac-toe by himself,,,, my guy,,,, go on that walk thank you

the fact that Eddie isnt in ANY of these commercials,, oh my god,,,,,,,

another continuation for the Homewarming album

Sally, Julie, and Poppy singing together,,, thats so cute,,

i cant. everyone hanging out together in these commercials with no Eddie in sight i feel so bad

FRANK AND SALLY FIGHTING?!??!

is this a commercial for sleeping pills????? im ??? this show is so so crazy like ?? the in-universe show i mean,, cuz what?? they got so many merchandise and records and a bunch of brand deals and its all just been wiped?!??!?! like ?? what happened???

oh no time to dwell on that we got Sally and Eddie lets go he's getting some social interaction

lets go he has a happy ending he's at the party !!!

ok i read ahead in the transcript and oh no im afraid now ?? Eddie?? hello?? Eddie are you ok?? i dont think this man is ok he needs help oh my god what is this

im scared LOL this was not a good idea to do at 3 am im really unnerved right now but mostly i think this guy needs help someone please help him

something about reality is shattering for him i think??? maybe ?? its the way the video is going back and forth between live-action scenes and a drawing of Eddie's face (and Home's eyes)

jesus that was a jumpscare with Frank's voice coming in out of the silence

ah its still all glitchy and distorted i dont know what's the correct term for what Eddie is experiencing but he is NOT having a good time

FRANK SWITCHING FROM CALLING HIM 'MR. DEAR' TO 'EDDIE' HAS ME ILL being in Eddie's perspective with static in the ears while he's looking down is so. i dont know how to explain it but its uncomfortable and unnerving (which is probably what he's feeling)

the fact that he only looks up after Frank probably shook his shoulders or something to get his attention ughdjskdhfkjdssjkjkew (cuz his arms are outstretched when the camera pans up to look at his face/when Eddie looks up at Frank)

bro that was a jumpscare with the narrator after like,, that whole segment i guess

so rewatching that last bit when Eddie seems to be like. present enough to respond/say something or be aware of whats going on i guess, the screen gets less glitchy and distorted and thats like a nice detail

so thats why Eddie’s been kinda just,, missing from the Homewarming on the actual site

i hope Eddie turns out ok :(((( PLEASE THIS STORY NEEDS TO HAVE A HAPPY ENDING OR I WILL CRY SO HARD THAT I WILL TRANSFORM INTO AN OYSTER

interestingly W’s note after the compiled commercials says that “the show never appeared beyond clips of Eddie Dear”

so all those segments with Eddie were, i guess, the ‘holiday special’ that the commercials were interrupting and all

thats so so crazy,, im so late to the party but i honestly dont even know where to begin with all of that but like. im rooting for you Eddie !!!!!

well thats it for now, until the next update! make sure to wave up high, neighbors

#welcome home

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lunerbean · 4 years

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Witch Tips 24

Holy shit it's been over a year since I posted one of these but it's because I kept setting myself up for failure by putting way too high of expectations on myself to crank out 10 new and unique and helpful tips everytime I got 100 new followers except first it was 10 and then it was 50 and holy shit I got so stressed about these so I've just been writing them down as I've thought of them instead and now here we are, please be gentle.

Hello here are tips

1. Use transfer paper and a hair dryer to decorate candles.

Maybe you're doing a spell for someone & you want to put a picture of that person on the candle. This can be a way to help you better visualize the effects of the spell on the person the spell is for. Or maybe you need a picture on the candle for some other reason. Maybe you want to put pictures of coins on it for a money spell. Or hearts for a love spell. Simply print out whatever you want on transfer paper, cut it out & place the image face-down on the candle. Then, you'll want to get your hairdryer and a piece of tissue paper (I highly suggest the tissue paper is the same color as the candle, otherwise you risk getting that color onto the candle. Which can also be fine, but if it's not what you want...) use the blow dryer on a low-warm setting to melt the photo onto the candle side. Remove the tissue paper and there you have it! A picture printed onto a candle.

2. You can incorporate witchcraft into ANYTHING... even brushing your teeth.

I recently got this fucking delicious toothpaste from Trader Joe's. I'm one of those people who sometimes struggles to brush my teeth twice a day because I hate the taste of toothpaste. So I got a super unconventional toothpaste flavor instead, "fennel, propolis, & Myrrh. And about a week after using it, it struck me -holy shit these ingredients have meaning behind them. Most obviously, myrrh is associated with wisdom and meditation. And fennel has been used in magic for centuries! Even if you use regular mint toothpaste, that ingredient has power behind it! Obviously this goes more so for natural toothpastes but I'm sure you can find a way to enchant other varieties as well! Use the ingredients already infused into your toothpaste for enchantments & glamours!

3. Actually study your grimoire.

If I sound at all harsh by saying this, it's only because I'm being harsh with myself too. Study your grimoire. Don't just write everything down & then expect to have it all perfectly memorized & be a master in everything you research. Reread it. Rework it. Learn.

4. Feel drawn to be a sea witch but you don't live by the ocean? Get a saltwater aquarium!

First off, I'm not saying that it's a flawless solution. Being a witch of the sea is more than just using salty fish water in your craft. HOWEVER, with that out of the way, there's no way that a salt water aquarium will harm your craft as a sea witch. Think of it like a houseplant for a green witch. Sure, living in the forest would be better but it's still something special to be able to bring a little piece of your craft into your home.

5. Personal taglocks make a spell more powerful, but exercise caution when using them.

Undoubtedly, using a taglock (such as a strand of hair) can better connect you to the spells you're performing, but they're not always wise to use. I only use them in extremely personal spells and crafts. Things that no one except for me can have access to. I would never suggest using a taglock on something that you wish to give another person (especially another witch) such as a spell bottle or sachet. Even if you're best friends. Even if you're siblings. Even if you're MARRIED. You never know when a relationship can turn south or what someone is capable of when they're extremely angry with you. Don't risk it.

6. Be respectful of the deities that you don't worship or work with

I don't work with deities. Shocker, I know. I have my own belief system when it comes to higher powers that I won't get into on Tumblr, probably ever. But I do believe in showing respect to all things, both living, dead, & otherwise specified. If a deity approaches you who you're not interested in working with, please remain kind & respectful with in declination. You're allowed to say no to anyone and everyone.

7. Just because someone is more experienced doesn't necessarily mean they're always right.

Without naming names or being too specific, there was a witch I followed on Tumblr for a long time. They were much older than me and had been a witch for like 20+ years. I followed everything they said as fact. But slowly, over time I started to learn more and realized I didn't always agree with them. They were SO negative. If they heard basically anything new that younger witches were coming up with, they'd have a whole 10 paragraph post about how "stupid and wrong and ridiculous and fake" these new witches were. There was not an ounce of open mindedness with this person. And because of that, I started to feel really bad about myself and my craft. Things they said would stick with me and I'd feel so shitty about it. Well fuck. That. More experience means absolutely nothing if the person is unwilling to learn or expand their minds beyond their previous knowledge. Anyone can learn and anyone can teach. Age means nothing. Surround yourself with open minded people.

8. Put full moon water into your humidifier to charge your space.

This is an idea that only just occurred to me while I was setting up my crystals & jar of water to charge under the full blue moon on Samhain. I always turn my glowing humidifier on at night while I sleep. As I watched the mist begin to arise out the top I thought to myself, 'if I'm charging that water (the glass jar on my altar) for the full moon, why not this water too?' So now, I just add a little splash of full moon water into my humidifier water whenever I'm performing rituals or doing spell work. This way, the full moon water can charge my entire bedroom with the power of the full moon as I work.

Speaking of...

9. You can charge water under more moon phases than just full.

I don't know if that wording was weird or not so I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense. My point is, I always see people talking about moon water as if it's only full moon water. The moon holds power in every phase she goes through. Adding to the above tip, you can put new moon water into your humidifier to cleanse your space. Waxing moon water to help you plan and focus. And waning moon water to assist during a banishment spell. Hell yeah dude, all phase of the moon are useful and powerful!

10. Incense matches are a great alternative to full incense sticks

I love burning incense, but sometimes it can really overwhelm the area, especially because my house is small & I dont want to expose my cat to it. Incense matches are literally matches that are covered in incense powder. They burn for just a few minutes & produce a steady stream of smoke for spells. They come in a bunch of different scents. I buy them locally for 30 matches for $1.05USD but you can probably find them cheaper online. Still be sure to keep them away from pets & those who are smoke-sensitive.

Thank you so much for reading, follow me for more #10tips, search my blog for the previous 230 tips, & have a magical day.

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wisteria-lodge · 2 years

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bird primary (snake system) + badger secondary (lion model)

This is a long one - it’s very cool and interesting, but get yourself set up with a cup of your favorite beverage. Also, this is the SortMe that the Ukrainian crisis responder sent in for those of you were interested. Ukraine doesn’t specifically come up, but you know. That’s pretty cool.

Tl;dr: I’m likely a stable Burnt Bird Primary with a whole bunch of models (Basically Burnt Bird Primary, and modeling everything else, possibly burnt Bird secondary/Lion or Snake Secondary with also a smattering of other models), would like to double-check against you to see if there’s anything I’m not seeing.

A LOT of models. Got it. We’ll sort you out.

Long version: Hi! I like the way you sort people! It’s great fun to think about people through this lens, but I’m having some trouble reflecting myself in this mirror. I’ve spent a while digging through the test (because the thing kept Hatstalling me). I think I’ve come to a Sorting, but a) I’m not certain and I like the way you point out things people aren’t seeing about themselves in their descriptions, so maybe I’ve missed something super obvious; b) folks in the community have said that Birds usually don’t stay Fallen, and I think I might be an example of that - which could be why it’s hard for the test to ping me correctly. Some of this text might read as argumentative (I tend to come off that way when involved or interested), but please be assured that the text is written in good faith.

I feel like I’m pretty good at picking out good vs bad faith criticism at this point. That’s been one nice thing about this whole exercise, actually.

Also, the length of this is horrible. It would’ve been proper to put in more effort and filter for more relevant things for the sake of readability, but I couldn’t do so very well (I kept feeling like I was giving you a skewed picture), so my apologies and feel free to cherry pick and/or stop whenever you’re done.

That is pretty Birdy. You mentioned that you like how I point out things people aren’t seeing about themselves, which isn’t going to happen if you edit for length and clarity. That’s a very Bird thought to have, and this SortMe (you’re not wrong, it’s the longest I’ve ever gotten, by a lot) is a very Bird route to take. This whole thing is a very Bird exercise.

(that thing about “it would have been proper to [do x]” though. That’s saying Badger to me for sure - or at least Badger environment or model. If “it would be proper” is coming from more of an etiquette place, then that’s Badger primary. It’s it’s a “I could have done a better job” thing, then that’s Badger secondary.)

You’ve noted in a post that Birds Fall when they are cut off from their ability to think. I found that post after I had the Fallen Bird hypothesis, and, well, it encapsulates everything I’m going to write very succinctly. This is basically the story of my life. Like many of the other writers, I have ADHD, and I was diagnosed fairly late in life (think 30-s). Many of us, it would seem, have Bird Secondaries to cope.

Okay, neurodivergent with Bird secondary model. You’re right, that is common.

For me, however, just inhabiting Bird primary was not an option, as the greatest challenge of all has been the sheer fact that I cannot trust my systems. My working memory simply does not work well enough to build a system and then leave it alone to do its job. I would LOVE to do this - but I just can’t. The moment I step out of the context I had been in, the system I built for it… Disintegrates. And it’s the worst feeling in the world when you REMEMBER that you have built an understanding, have had a model, and it WORKED - and then you go back, and there’s nothing there, like so much shifting sand. But life exists, and we all have to act, and inaction is as much of a choice as action, so what to do? My solution, it would seem, was to collect every single model under the sun.

This is a very interesting description of - what does seem to be an unusual type of Burnt Bird (Fallen Bird in the OG Sortinghatchats terminology.) I’m interested to see what my Bird primary readers have to say about this.

Example: as I write this, I’m looking at some notes for a D&D game. It’s been running for 10-ish years.

I love a really long running D&D game. (It also makes me think that you ~ or someone involved ~ is Badger. In this ask, there’s Badger energy coming from somewhere.)

I have multiple iterations of notes, and I would LOVE it all to be in an organized database. This newest iteration of an attempt to organize had me writing down the newest pre-rolled NPC names for the last session. I wrote them down in the wrong section, even though the database isn’t even 1/20th full yet. Then in the actual game, I couldn’t remember which section they were written down in, so I wasted time BOTH looking for them, AND making up new ones. And now I have to fix the database, and I’m just staring at it in frustration instead of fixing it. Would it have been easier to just make it up as I go along and rely on my players to remind me? Yeah, probably.

I was about to say. You carry a lot of information in your head at once when you DM. You’re responding to the group’s wants and energy, you’re keeping up the dramatic tension and not letting things get boringly easy or unfairly hard, you’re doing math in your head, you’ve got the rules and the lore, you’re running NPCs, you’re keeping track of turn order. If you’re playing on Roll20 you’re trying to make that finicky software do what you want and not delete the map. And you’ve got to do it very fast.

My point is, I have a pretty good memory, and I can’t remember all of it. Yes, absolutely lean on your players to remember lore and the NPC details that relate to them. Most players love it, and can even make explaining their *thing* to the table a roll-playing moment.

If anything, I think this fantasy of a beautiful, perfect DM database is more of a Badger secondary fantasy than a Bird secondary one. You’re not doing the Bird thing and building yourself a functional tool, because you’re… not. You’re doing the Badger thing of disliking shortcuts, having an ideal correct version of what your problem solving would look, if you had infinite time and ability. I get that. I get that completely. I get that feeling with my teaching, my writing, and when I DM.

And this is actually the way I usually do it: I take a deep breath, Show Up, and things fall into place as I run the game (I can’t properly access my memory outside of the situation).

That is also how I run games. That was not always how I ran games, I used to plan every little thing out in advance, adapt modules, all sorts of stuff. But I was always looking for the right page, the right note. It slowed down the game and stressed me out. These day, I trust myself, I trust that I know the game system, I trust that I know how to tell a story and I just go. I’m not here to diagnose, but I honestly don’t think it’s a memory thing so much as it’s a thing about how different brains work. I have students with memory issues, and there is no possible way they would be DMing games of Dungeons and Dragons without accommodations and support already in place.

But I WANT my pretty database, at least once in my life. :( It’s a fantasy of mine, that someday I’ll be able to get all of my work into a pretty, elegant system, that will be more than the sum of its parts, and that I will elegantly and competently have it at my fingertips, and that my mind will feel like it has the world at its beck and call because everything I need is right there even if I can’t remember it. But it’s a fantasy that I don’t think will ever come true.

That is a fantasy, yeah. And I want to call it a very… Bird Badger fantasy. The Bird primary fantasy is the fantasy of knowing everything, and feeling like you have the keys to the universe because of it. The Badger secondary fantasy is the fantasy of making all your work beautiful.

So I eventually learned via trial and error where I should just improvise and rely on others.

Improvise AND rely on others. So he implication here is that these are two things that… do not come easily to you? (Because you think you’re supposed to do them? Because you think you’re not supposed to do them?) Hm. I’m going to keep an eye on that because there is some sort of extreme self-sufficiency thing going on, and I yeah, I know it’s hard.

I do that most of the time, and have collected several types of adaptive systems, which makes it very hard to figure out my actual Secondary (“collecting” screams Bird, but… Uh… All the common Bird adaptations fail for me, executive function-wise

I honestly am not seeing Bird secondary for you. I could see you sort of thinking that you should be a Bird secondary, or that Bird secondary is the best way to be.

so I Charge like a Lion, and when I can’t Charge, I Adapt, and when I can’t Adapt, I Show Up. More on that below).

I really liked the structure of the quiz and questions, and I can tell that they should work - but they didn’t for me in a few notable cases. I think it’s because I can get behind the logic of all four Primaries and Secondaries, but I’m not sure I can parse my own internal logic cleanly, so I’d like to ask you what you’re seeing.

This is a problem I do notice Birds having with the test. Hypothetically, they could see themselves building any of the other primaries and secondaries. Some Birds even think that’s what the other primaries/secondaries are and are then confused by what “Bird” is supposed to mean.

I think a good way to structure this would be to go through some of the more telling questions, and juxtapose them with life vignettes that seem to me illustrative. Again, some of this might read as combative, but what I’m really looking for is to highlight how the discrepancies between the questions and my reality might be useful for a Sorting.

I like the test, I like it a lot. It is the best version of itself that it possibly could be. But it is a tool, and no test - no matter how good - is a substitute for doing the work of introspection and self analysis.

(See how my Badger secondary is showing :D )

I’ve tried to balance not being too autobiographical against not giving enough detail - it’s hard for me to write about myself even under a nickname. It’s a bit of a weird Snake/Lion Secondary puzzle: I identify a lot with “I don’t owe anyone the details of my life,” and I usually don’t feel secure when I lay things out in the open.

It’s perfectly fine and normal not to want to give out a lot of personal details over the internet. That - that’s fine. That’s just a human thing.

but I do feel strongest when I can just be, and I try to construct my environment so that I don’t have to think about presentation as much as possible. It overloads my executive functioning, but is this just ADHD Neutral Snake or Lion distaste for pretense? Hard to tell, especially because Charging is a more comfortable secondary instrument than Masking for executive function reasons.

That, my friend, is a description of a neurodivergent person, full stop. A couple things:

A lot of the terminology SHC uses means different things in other contexts. I don’t like it, and yes of course I want to come up with a clean, elegant, intuitive set of terminology that doesn’t mislead people, instead of this one which has a lot of clunky aspects. For example, “modeling” in the context of SHC does not mean the same thing as “modeling” in the context of psychology, and that’s confused people before. And when I talk about snake “masking” I’m talking about a drastically different thing than “masking” my autism.

Because yes, “masking” in the sense of “presenting as neurotypical” takes a lot of energy. It only really works as a short-term solution, not something you turn on and leave on. The more I see, the more I become positive that the neruodivergent endgame is not to make yourself match the world, but to build a world that matches you. You do that, and you basically have a super power.

But on to the examples. “Would you lie to an acquaintance to save their peace of mind? Would it make you feel grimy to do it?”No, I wouldn’t. But not for any moral reasons. Saving someone’s peace of mind is usually a stupid strategy in the long run. I can get not adding fuel to the fire if the situation is already bad, but in most cases? The faster we all know what’s up, the faster we can act (Lion? Get everything out in the open and GO?). Like, I can count on one hand the number of situations where lying to save someone’s peace of mind would be actually helpful to me. And I NEVER want to be in a situation like that, because it already means things have gone stupidly sideways or I am explicitly acting from a place of adversity. Tl;dr: if I’m neutral or positive to this person, I wouldn’t do it because it’s not helpful. If they’re my enemy, I wouldn’t do it to save their peace of mind, but my own.

This is an Idealist answer, for sure. And the scaffolding underneath it makes me say Bird. (I honestly feel the same way, but as a Lion primary I’d probably say something like “Every time I’ve pretended there isn’t a problem, it’s eventually blown up in my face, usually in a way that’s worse than if I’d just dealt with it.”)

And when it comes to defining morality… “useful” and “not-useful” is a classic moral dichotomy, so why not “effective” and “not-effective”?

I grew up in a fairly rough environment, and along the way I picked up a ton of Snake friends who Care for Their People. They have a very particular behavior: they will cheerfully train friends to deal with danger (whatever their definition of that) and just as cheerfully manipulate them to keep me away from that same danger as long as possible. I will just as cheerfully lie to them if I think I should be in said danger for whatever reason. None of this makes us love each other less. We’re each other’s people, and that’s just the way it is with Snakes: you accept they’ll be trying to look out for you sometimes regardless of your feelings (your wellbeing > your opinion) and you account for that. It actually feels very reassuring and secure that they usually don’t hold that accounting against me. They might say I’m an idiot when they find out, but it’s not going to damage our relationship in any way.

That is absolutely just the way Snakes Be.

I’d feel grimy lying to Lion friends, though, because lying to them would hurt them deeply, it’s like saying “I know you’re not strong enough to deal with it” and they usually take that badly. I’d probably do it in a life-or-death situation, but for anything less, I’d try to be truthful and kind. And nope, the two models - casually lying and being very careful about balancing truth and kindness - don’t seem like a contradiction, and neither seem immoral.

That is the way Lions Be. And there’s no contradiction here. Your system provides you with different ways of dealing with different people, what could possibly be wrong with that? You could describe this as modeling Snake and modeling Lion if you wanted to, but I’d just call this a robust system, maybe intellectualizing some Courtier Badger or Actor Bird.

“When you’re making a decision and you’re stuck, what should you do?”The first two answers - taking a breath with myself and my circle and figuring out what’s actually up - are, frustratingly, the same answer for me. Like, there is no discernible internal difference! Yes, I will take a breath. Yes, I will do it either alone, or with my “White House Support System” - i.e. all the people I have trust in that could help me come to an outcome I’d actually want in a particular situation.

The fact that (for you) there is no difference between those two option means that you’re an External primary. For me (Lion primary) they’re night and day.

“How I feel” about the situation is one factor among many that I will absolutely take into account, and I weight it highly (more on that in a later question). But it’s never JUST about how I feel. It’s about what IS and whether I can conceivably do anything - but also WITHOUT breaking some part of me that I consider important.

That’s SO BIRD. Even the phasing of “a part of me that I consider important” vs “a part of me that is important.” (which is what a Lion would say.

There’s lots of room for adaptation, but there’s also definitely places where I’ll find it preferable to see who breaks first, me or the situation.

That’s a secondary thing… and “finding out what breaks first, me or the situation” - that’s some classic YOU MOVE talk (Lion or Badger.)

There’s some elements of my internal system that are rigid enough that bending them would no longer make it workable, so I have to tough it out. And there are DEFINITELY counterintuitive situations where it’s much safer to escalate before the other party does. I see this last as my Lion Model/Secondary, not sure which. So more on that in Secondaries.

You’ve got a very designed Bird primary. It could be absolutely nothing else at this point. It’s possible it’s gotten a little rigid lately (you seem like you could be under a lot of stress at the moment.) But I wouldn’t stay Burnt - that’s what happens when you distrust your ability to think, which definitely isn’t happening. Exploded is a little more likely I guess… but I haven’t seen any evidence that you’ve broken your ability to take in information, and are processing too much or too little. So, a stressed Bird primary?

“Someone points out a flaw in your logic. Their argument makes sense, but there’s something about it that just bothers you. Do you change your ways because of what they said?”Allll riiight, I’ve gotten this one a bunch, and it stumps me. If I parsed the system correctly, “There’s something I don’t fully understand about this situation yet. I need to think about what they said, what I agreed with, and what felt wrong. Once I understand what’s going on, I should be able to make a decision I’m happy with” isn’t a Bird answer (or at least not a fully Bird answer?)

In this context, it’s a Bird answer.

(basically that question is asking if you feel comfortable using both Bird and Lion tools, which we already know you do.)

- the Bird answer is where you’d feel guilty about not agreeing with the truth.

That sentence should read “feel guilty about not agreeing with the truth, once you’ve worked out that it is the truth to your own satisfaction.” It’s not that Lions don’t care what the truth is, it’s that their truest truth is emotional, so they define ‘truth’ a little differently. In this hypothetical situation, I wouldn’t be researching the core issues, I’d be trying to figure out why it gave me a weird emotional ping. (and then I’d feel safe enough to let my Bird model take over, and start getting me more background info.)

But - how? I just don’t get it. How? For example, if someone’s thrown me off my logical game - which is super easy to do, because my working memory is shit, and half the time I’ve worked a problem to the bare bones and then still can’t remember even a little bit of the process afterwards - there’s still three factors to consider after they’ve “convinced me.”

I’ve already thought of that possibility and have discounted it, but have no access to my understanding right now.

There’s something wrong with their logic but I don’t have enough access to executive function to bring that into consciousness right now, but I have to act anyway.

They’re exploiting said lack of access for gain. Then there’s a very simple “if-then” tree:

If I think they’re adversarial: yes, I will stick to my guns on “a feeling,” because that feeling is either founded in past experience I can’t quite recall or in logic I can’t quite muster the power to bring to consciousness, but it doesn’t matter because they don’t have my best interests at heart anyway.

If they’re friendly: I will try to ask for their help in order to isolate the point of weakness and see if we can account for it in building a strategy. If we can’t, then it’ll depend entirely on the stakes and situation if I’ll change or not.

So you wrote this like board game instructions. This is a list that then turns into a flow chart. Bird primaries and their LISTS. Sure it can be hard to access ALL your long term memory in the moment, but that doesn’t make you less a bird. ^ ^This, all this, is what makes you a bird.

There’s definitely situations where I’ll trust the other party because they’ve earned my trust through experience. There’s also definitely situations where I’ll take my chances with the stuff I can’t fully process. I won’t feel guilty either way, although I may feel apprehensive that we’ve missed something.

Feeling apprehensive making snap decisions also makes you really Birdy.

“Does disagreeing with your closest friends about something important to you make you love them less?”

When I read this, I was considering Snake modeling Bird - because the answer “It matters what they do, not what they think” feels to me like the most Snake thing ever.

It’s not. That’s just like the philosophy of idk, John Paul Sartre, and it’s something I see a lot of Birds gravitate towards. Because, and I know this is going to sound crazy - for Snakes, much of the time it DOESN’T matter what they do.

(it translates to me as “as long as they won’t hurt me or mine, they can say whatever they want”), and also the most me? But apparently it’s not? (I can’t actually remember right now what this broke the tie towards).

And it’s just incomprehensible to me, because… People can THINK whatever they want about their own behavior and logic. It doesn’t mean they actually DO what they think or that their logic matches up with their model of it! I don’t know that many people with semi-accurate models of themselves, and even they usually have blind spots the size of New York. I don’t think I’m the exception here either! I have a bunch of people who say stupid things and horrible things, but won’t actually do those things. I know a bunch of people who know all the right words, but I know their actions will never match up. And that’s just A Thing in my models. Like intellectually disagreeing is A Factor, but not The Factor. It’s actually relatively lightly weighted, because for most people the stuff they think is a very small part of their actual system of behavior. I know from your posts that this discrepancy bothers many Birds. It doesn’t phase me, although it took some time to wrap my head around and weight properly. I don’t think very highly of hypocrites - I tend to think they’re not very competent, at least in the area they’re hypocritical about - but it makes me sad in the way you see someone being so incompetent it hurts rather than feel like a personal affront.

Yeah, discrepancy between words and actions does bother a lot of Birds, especially young birds (as it bothered you when you were younger :D) But that’s not what makes a bird. I’m fascinated reading this, it’s a fascinating philosophical essay. But on the topic of this personality system, there’s not much more for me to say. You’re a Bird. You’re as Bird as Bird can get. This is the most Bird thing I’ve ever read in my life.

This is also why I like Snakes - if it’s an act, at least they know what they’re doing. WISH people were like that)! I’ll always prefer a conscious “hypocrite” to an unconscious one - and really, it doesn’t even register as hypocrisy for me, they’re using methods they have to achieve their goals. I might want to smash their face in for it, but only for practical reasons, so that they stop using the tactic on me when I don’t want it.

I’d agree with that distinction. To be a true hypocrite, you must be doing what you’re doing unconsciously. Otherwise you’re just a liar, or a con artist.

The only kind of people that really make me see red are the people who insist that they have a well-examined system… And then actually don’t.

🐦 🐦 🐦 🐦 🐦 🐦 🐦 🐦

“What if you realized that absolutely everything you thought was true was wrong? The authorities you’d trusted, the beliefs you’d held, the wrongs you’d fought against?”THIS QUESTION. This question is supposed to be a tiebreaker between Constructed moralities and everything else, but (and I think I got it once as a Bird/Snake tiebreaker question, too?)… “I’d have to go sit by myself in a corner for a little bit, before I could figure out how to move forward. That would be awful.” Yes, it would be awful. It would mean that I’ve built my systems for discerning between truth and falsehood wrong. If I took the question at face value, it would mean I have to recount EVERYTHING. I have to review every single other decision I’ve made, and in the meantime live with the fact that my fallback tool - “I remember I calculated this even though I can’t prove it, so I’m trusting that calculation” - DOESN’T WORK AT ALL. Damn right, I’d need a minute. Yeah, it wouldn’t change much on principle. But it would still be an awful experience.

… you answered that way, and you’re still doubting your Bird?

“You’re at a crossroads in your life. You’ve made your pro-con lists. You’ve talked to people you respect. Choice A looks like the right choice. It’s the one everything is telling you is the right choice– your lists and your advisers tell you it’s the right choice, but it just feels wrong. So you choose Choice B.”Obviously there’s some shit I’ve noticed but can’t verbalize. I will definitely be wary about my choice - maybe I calculated wrong - but “I made my choice. Now I live with it. Life only moves in a forward direction” is definitely me, and I don’t feel a single twinge of guilt about it. It’s not a Lion thing, I think. It’s about the fact that my models fail so regularly that I’ve basically learned that yeah, you have to limp forward on a broken model anyway. What else are you going to do?

This is the absolute opposite of Exploded Bird. You have accepted, and made peace with the fact that you will never have all the information, your decision-making process will never be perfect, but you move forward anyway. Because yeah, the fantasy of the Perfect System is also a Bird fantasy.

Also, in reality, I chose choice A.

(because you’re a bird)

And in this case I do feel anxiety and a bit of guilt - basically I had a choice between a crisis response type career and a research career. Both play to my weaknesses in some ways. Opportunities to do both came up at the same time - and by “crisis response career opportunities” I mean that there was a large crisis in my community and it needed responders. Objectively, I am probably more valuable as researcher. There’s no shortage of responders, but I still can’t help but feel I could have delayed my research career in favor of crisis response, and it may have been the right, smart (invaluable experience one can’t get anywhere else!) and good thing to do (triage is a big and important heuristic of mine, and it takes A LOT to get me to ignore it, hence the guilt). But it might have closed off the career I’d been working towards for a decade prior, and I was afraid that my executive dysfunction would not step up enough even in crisis. The second risk alone I would probably have taken, as trying and failing isn’t a problem on its own. But throwing away everything I had worked for for a decade… I can never be certain that I’ll come back after being derailed, although I try, and I was unwilling to take that risk. So I chose, and “life only moves in a forward direction” is a good way to describe it.

***“Does your internal moral compass know something you don’t?”Again, a situation where two answers are really, pretty much the same thing to me.1. “Not in a weird way, but it might. The world is messy, and we know more than we know consciously. Even if trusting it sometimes leads me astray, it’s the most solid thing I have to go on.”2. “If it feels like that, then I’ll look into whatever it’s telling me and decide if I agree.”The first one is the one I’d jump to, but the second one is closest to what I’d actually do. Because I KNOW from experience that some of my reactions are calibrated for different circumstances. In many, many cases I’ll just go with “yep, there’s something I don’t know consciously, let’s go.” But there’s just as many cases where I’m like “oh yeah, I know what this reaction is being triggered by, and this is not the case here as far as I can see, so I need to make sure that reaction doesn’t interfere.” It is REALLY EXHAUSTING, and I prefer to calibrate right in the first place, but I have the option. Additionally, in most cases, I do trust my half-formed impulses more than I trust other people’s logic, because at least I’ve examined the mechanisms by which my half-formed impulses are created, which is more than I can say for most people, even if they do manage to fast-talk me in the moment. This last thing is why the Lion/Bird tiebreakers feel weird for me. If someone’s obviously throwing stuff at me too quickly to keep up and pressuring me to make a choice now, I’ll stick to my guns on principle, yes. People can and have fast-talked past my broken working memory. But… That’s an adaptation, not the core of the system. That’s a Lion Secondary Model, I guess.

I’m not seeing a Lion secondary model. I’m seeing someone who REALLY hates making snap decisions when they don’t have all the info, but sometimes they… have to. Also… I gotta call it out… you shouldn’t be calling yourself “broken.” You’re clearly extremely intelligent and extremely competent. And sure you haven’t reached this impossible-sounding ideal, but what you do do works for you.

“If I’ve decided to stand by the people I love, it’s a choice. I could make a different decision.” vs “At the end of the day, some things are right and some things are wrong. You don’t turn your back on the people you love.”

This question is… Argh. Yes, it’s absolutely a choice. However, for me that choice is “you don’t turn your back on the people you love.”

You’re a Bird…. who loves Snakes. And has a lot of Snakes in their life (which we knew.)

I have quite a bit of caretaker burnout from a number of circumstances, and I HATE it. But I stick it out, if badly. I’ve had caretaker situations where my instincts AND logic would both go “get the fuck out”, but I would say “this is the choice I have made, and I am sticking with it, at least unless I understand that I am doing more harm than helping, and then I would be a coward NOT to leave, and I don’t want to be”. This is my Badger model/imitation, I think?

I’m still trying to figure out your secondary. You’ve got some Badger secondary impulses / expectations coming from somewhere, and it’s making you feel not good enough (not a good enough DM, not a good enough caretaker.) It could be a bit of a burned-out Badger (and your secondary seems to be the one taking the damage here, rather than your primary.) Or it might be a Badger secondary model you’re wearing because of culture/someone else, and there’s something else underneath.

Also exemplified by the fact that one of my fantasies is living in a world where I can work on interesting things day in and day out with structure and patience, and it feels rewarding. Instead, even when I get to do this (sit and write a post this long, for instance), it always turns into an exhausting fight against my limits, and it’s never as pleasant as the fantasy. I’d love to be a Badger, just as I’d love to have a working Bird Secondary, but I just can’t. The best I can do is an imitation that fails more often than not.

We’ve got some intense burnt secondary language showing you here. I’m inclined to think that the Bird… is a model, is something you think you should be doing, and occasionally engage with in a stressful sort of way. As for your Badger, it’s absolutely something you’re doing, but it’s something you think you should be doing more. (Which is something I see more for a Badger secondary, vs a Badger secondary model.) As for a post like this… I’m not even a little surprised you’re exhausted. This post is long, and intense, and represents a lot of soul-searching. I don’t think there’s a single person in the world who could write something like this and then describe the experience as “pleasant.”

But that’s the thing. I DO show up. Time and time again I throw myself at these limits because… It’s what I want to do, and I just have to take it in stride that it’ll be hard for me.

This sounds like a primary issue, because good lord your primary is strong. You show up, you do the hard thing, because it’s in service of your primary, and your primary matters.

I also compensate for my executive function stuff with community - see aforementioned White House Support System. So even if my Badger Model isn’t particularly good, I still lean towards it being a model rather than performance. I can’t do “dutiful hard worker” as an act: more effort than I can muster long-term. But I can do “I will show up time after time and fix what I got wrong, even if I’ll be much slower than all the others and seem lazy and disinterested.”

It’s definitely not a performance. It also doesn’t seem ineffective! Again, you’ve just decided that it should be easier, and it should be better.

I’m the sort of person who will take an organizational community position (e.g. secretary) when there’s absolutely no one else, and half-ass the job - because it plays against all my weaknesses. But no one else is there, so I do it. I’ll never have three dozen books to my name. But maybe, if I limp along long enough, maybe I’ll have one.

There’s a lot of burned ‘I can’t do it’ language coming from your secondary. And half-assing a job that it sounds like you got pressed-ganged into, aren’t good at, and don’t like particularly much? That’s just a people thing.

“When you sit down and consider the terrifying lack of objective truth in our reality, how do you feel?”Bwahahaaha. Welcome to my world, get comfortable, this’ll be a while. In seriousness, I consider this often, and find the perspective comforting. It means that I’m not the only one stuck with this array of half-workable models. Good luck, everyone!

“When you forgive someone who has wronged you or others, do you do it because you believe they’ve changed?”For me, there’s a very particular line between forgiveness and “letting people back in to do the same thing.”

What a lovely way to articulate that. Yes, forgive in the sense of ‘don’t carry around resentment and negative emotions with you.’ But don’t… forget. It’s all information. And don’t put yourself in that same vulnerable position again.

Vignette time: I’ve had a person I met and had an explosive intellectual acquaintanceship with, because we have the same executive dysfunctions and are both similarly defensive about them, although in different ways. “Explosive” means we argued several weeks in a row over the smallest things (which inevitably led to us pulling out all the encyclopedias for hours, because the arguments all came down to “if they’re right, WHAT ELSE did I get wrong?!”) before mutually realizing it’s not sustainable and kicking each other out of each other’s circle.

I hold no ill-will against that person, but I do think some of his models are worse than my own, and that he handles being wrong worse than I do (a lot of our interactions in the end were his loud “BUT YOU KNOW YOU’RE WRONG, RIGHT?” which is distasteful to me, as… Yes, probably? But I don’t think you’re more in the right, and that’s fine, so why all the fuss?) So there is no way in hell I am letting him drag me into that again if we intersect. If we ever do meet on neutral territory and he can’t handle himself, then I will calmly and cheerfully make him shut up by whatever means I find palatable. It sounds like “forgive, but not forget”, but if I ever see that he CAN handle himself, I’d be glad to talk again, he had some cool things to say. But until then, he gets treated as someone who is not in full control of his faculties, can’t handle intellectual debate, and if we meet again, I won’t let him turn it into a problem for me. And the point is: I like this person! The debates were fun until both or either of us lost control! But whether I like him or not has absolutely no bearing on the actions I’ll be taking.

This stance was completely unfathomable for said dude’s Badger Bird girlfriend, who’s been spending YEARS trying to get her boyfriend to get along with all her other friends. Her reaction to this was like “how can you say you like him and that you are prepared to hurt him in the same sentence? That can’t be a thing.” And for me that’s… Not even a question. Yes, I like him. No, I’m not angry. No, his logic being bad doesn’t stop me from liking him in principle. And yes, even though I like him, his problems are not going to be my problem.And at the same time - when doing the tie breaker between Bird and Snake, I would definitely feel guilty for abandoning people rather than morals. My models exist to be updated, I don’t feel guilty for abandoning them. People, on the other hand? My models are supposed to ensure I don’t have to abandon them. If I am forced to, then I failed in a very fundamental way.

This is fascinating. Because what you’ve effectively done is built a Loyalist system from the ground up. You’re a Bird, all the mechanisms and underpinnings are Bird, you feel like a Bird. But if you were a character in a movie, I would probably think you were either a Snake or a Badger.

So, to sum up the Primaries: almost certainly a Fallen Bird, with a healthy admiration for Snakes, Badgers and Lions, who has borrowed on all these strategies extensively. The only ones I really don’t like are the arrogant kind of Bird who thinks they have it all figured out, but really, really doesn’t. For those kinds of Birds I will cheerfully Charge, Mask or Bring My Friends to mess with them if they give me reason to. I kind of tend to want to even when I don’t have a reason, to be honest, even though it goes against my own morality - “don’t mess with people without a good reason (because you don’t want to clean up the mess such behavior can start in your community if people adopt that mode of behavior)” - but that’s the kind of thing that makes me really want to break my own rules.

We’ve got some Rule Utilitarianism going on, very nice.

I stand by what I said. You’re a Bird, you’re under a lot of pressure and sometimes the cracks show, but you’re certainly not Burnt/Fallen. You have a lot of Snakes in your life, who you love, and you’ve used your Bird to build a very Snake looking system. You treat the Sakes in your life the way Snakes want to be treated, and you treat the Lions in your life the way lions want to be treated, and it all works - not perfectly, because that’s not a real goal, but it works.

Now, let’s talk tactics, I mean Secondaries, although we’ve already touched on them some. Let’s start with the simple one: Charging. I generally find Charging to be a very safe tactic, because like 90% of the time people will step away. It’s fairly resource-heavy, but it’s easy, predictable and safe.

To provide a vignette: I had once been traveling in an unfamiliar city and got into a chat with a dude randomly. He offered to show me where I needed to go next and noted that I shouldn’t be worried; he wouldn’t do anything bad to me (this is considered polite in some cultures, as I present female). I looked him straight in the eye and said that if he’d tried to do anything bad to me, his corpse would soon be floating down that river below us. The moment I said that, I was fully prepared to escalate further: to scuttle all my plans at least for the trip - and possibly for months or years - if things did turn violent. However, it is my experience that most people who’d be willing to pick a fight against someone who won’t defend themselves will avoid fighting anyone who’s in the least bit ready - and anyone who just makes a bad joke will stop. Much as in many other cases, this was the case here: the dude looked at me and said “Somehow I believe that.” And we went back to having a pleasant chat. I never did find out whether he was seriously considering starting something or was just making a bad joke. And in this sort of situation, I don’t care. The moment someone sends out a feeler like that, I will charge. It’s the safest and smartest thing to do in 99 percent of these situations. If I identify the situation as one of the 99 percent, I will temporarily throw away all my other considerations. You want to start a thing? Do it, fucker. You have to be immediate and singleminded for it to work. And if the person backs down? I will back down just as easily, and consider it water under the bridge.

This is a really great example of why the Lion tactic of just (metaphorically) punching someone in the face with the Truth and Nothing But the Truth is extremely effective. People generally aren’t expecting it, and don’t know what to do with it. It’s a good way to get respect fast. And this is a Lion model - in that moment, you meant it, which is why it was so effective.

But there is some kind of mechanism underneath. It didn’t just happen, there was a voice underneath that said “This would be a good time to let the lion out.”

One important note about the “water under the bridge” I have no problem de-escalating and staying in that sort of situation. Some of my Snake [primary] folks will absolutely nurse a grudge and never turn their back on someone who threatened them even in jest. However, a situation of conflict remains comfortable for me. I don’t have a thing where if I threatened someone or they threatened me that it means it would be somehow un-true to my principles to interact with them. I’ll work with them as long as it’s a) feasible, b) we have a common goal. It just means that if we ever get into the sort of conflict I’ve already seen, I need to be prepared for it to be an actual conflict, “if someone says they’re coming to kill you - believe them”-style. Lion-style conflict doesn’t normally irk me the way Bird conflict does. I dislike unresolved Lion conflict, because it tends to screw up my alarm systems for a time - I keep coming back to it - but finished Lion conflict is easy.

Bird primary in fine form, of course. You clearly enjoy your Lion model, you like how sharp and direct and clean it is. Your bird secondary… something… is a lot, lot messier.

The reason I described this vignette in so much detail is because it LOOKS exactly like a Lion Charge. It’s one of the most intuitive tools at my disposal: it’s easy and it takes some effort not to use it. But is this because it’s me, or because it’s generally a very safe strategy when I take into account my strengths and limitations - certainly much safer than trying to keep up a persona in any kind of long run.

This is a very intellectualized Lion secondary, and while it’s possible that’s just what it is - a Lion secondary you’ve thought a lot about, because you think a lot about everything. But there’s so much burnt secondary language, and my feeling is that if you were actually a Lion secondary you would just… be that, and this whole submission would be a lot shorter.

(not that it’s too long, not at all! I’m enjoying the mystery very much!)

I do not have enough executive function to adapt in the long run, I have to change the environment to suit me, not the other way around. This means that a lot of the time I HAVE to charge, it’s the correct thing to do. That said, I can show bits and pieces of myself in a sort of… Snake? Badger? way? I have no problem being different things to different people, as long as I don’t have to outright lie about it. But it’s not an ethical aversion. Lies take too much effort, they’re impractical in the long run. In the short term? I don’t care.

Okay. This is the language of a burnt secondary again. “I do whatever I have to do, I don’t really care.” The way you talk about it makes it feel like a grind, stressful, not fun. So far the Lion secondary is the only one that’s made you feel powerful. But you also feel strongly that the Lion secondary is a choice? Burnt secondary, Lion secondary model maybe?

Except that’s not quite right, because you’ve also talked about how you change the way you interact with people depending on if you see them as a Snake or a Lion. So in that care… is there an Actor Bird going on, designed around People rather than the more common situations? LionFriend!Me vs SnakeFriend!Me? Intellectualized Courtier Badger? Snake?

Another vignette: a friend of mine was driving when we were going to hang out for the evening. She looks rather young at first sight, so some dude decided that he could harass us. By that I mean pass us at an intersection, follow us, cut in front of us, making us break to avoid an accident, and start saying we were breaking the rules back at the intersection and he’d call the police (we weren’t). I was livid. If I were alone, I would absolutely have Charged. But. My friend has seen me go from 0 to 100 aggressive charge before, and really does not like that aspect of me (she finds it unfathomable and a little scary). Also that would be ruining our evening. So I get out of the car and, looking halfway hysterical, say “dude, please, leave her alone, I must have distracted her - she’s taking me to a hospital, my mom’s in trouble, please, can we not do this right now.” This switched the dude from “two stupid girls on the road” to “oh, emergency, sorry”, and we were soon on our merry way. The unburnt adrenaline bothered me for a while, but otherwise it was a nice expedient solution which I feel mostly satisfaction at. I would’ve liked it more to Charge him, but he wasn’t worth wasting a very rare night out on.

I guess… I guess maybe you’re a Snake secondary who uses Lion as a favorite tactic? All this - especially running the numbers on who you were interacting with, considering multiple solutions on the fly, picking the one that had the outcome you wanted, sounds fairly Snake. But I’m not quite happy with that answer, because I’m very Badger and I’ve done similar things. I know that “almost-hysterical girl who is having a very bad day” is a presentation that’s very effective for a lot of people.

This isn’t the only case: when I can’t Charge because there’s more important things, I will Evade (and it’s only a semiconscious decision - I do this faster than I make up the tactic in my head), and wish I could’ve Charged. Both are comfortable and not morally colored: both are the Right Thing to do, even though one of them is notably easier.

Lion is easier, lion is more fun, Lion comes easiest to your hand. Maybe Lion is just your secondary, and you have a lot of models?

So Snake and Lion? But are they my Secondaries, or are they Models I’ve collected? Let’s lay it out. I love Bird preparedness in theory, and I definitely collect both People and Things, and also Methods. However, when working with Things alone, I nearly always make a mess of my collections when using them in practice unless I spend a stupid amount of effort - and often even then.

You think you should be a Bird, you think being a Bird sounds great on paper, but it just never seems to work for you. It actually seems to get you doing extra work, or doing work twice, and making yourself stressed.

It’s a great deal more comfortable to improvise, unless whatever I’m working with is too complex to improvise - and then I fall back to Showing Up. Making yourself into something that will handle whatever may come resonates with me quite a bit - so there’s also Badger. As far as I can tell, I have both Bookkeeper Badger and Courtier Badger as adaptations, even if my Courtier is much more comfortable. But Bookkeeper is… both Essential and kind of broken.

Okay. I’ve been thinking there’s Badger somewhere since the beginning, so let’s get into it. There’s a great deal of muck and stickiness surrounding the built secondaries when it comes to you, so I’m keeping that in mind.

The thing is, Bookkeeper Badger is one of my most important learning adaptations for dealing with executive dysfunction. Your brain isn’t letting you string two words together for language class? Your Snake can’t weave it’s coils? Show up. Just show up. You won’t string two words together, but you will try, and it will, over time, fall into place. I can do this for any learning process. It took me six years to start clearing top raids in an online game, but I did start, and went far further than people who had less difficulties, but gave up. I know it can be done.

It certainly can.

At the same time? I can’t seem to get this to work for social stuff. The easiest way to paralyze me is to fuck up my planning, and once that’s screwed, I can’t get out of it in Badger Mode, I need Lion for that. I am writing this as I am ignoring a simple organizational email for the 10th day in a row. I’m supposed to send it. I’m paralyzed and that entire sphere is paralyzed, because I Just Can’t. I can’t Show Up for this the same way I can for learning. For this, eventually I’ll do the Lion thing - that is, jump in and just break through.

This is 100% executive dysfunction stuff. (That might tie into ADHD stuff, they tend to slide together a lot.)

It’s interesting that you’ve identified the wall as a SOCIAL wall, because that’s suggesting there’s an emotional reason you can’t send this email. I don’t want to get armchair psychologist on you, that’s not ethical, but I will tell that with my own executive dysfunction stuff, that experience of punching though one of those “walls” DOES feel like just head-butting. But I also wouldn’t call that Lion. That’s just… I know my brain has put up a barrier in a place it doesn’t belong, and it’s going to SUCK and be emotionally draining, but I need to punch though it often enough that it stops being so strong. (And of course, dislaimer, experiences are not universal… and my my thing is autism, not adhd)

“When you spot a metaphorical obstacle in your path, what do you do?” And on the surface, yeah, a lot of the time the solution for me is Charge. But… There are also many areas of my life for which Charge has proven unsustainable. And the underlying principle, in the end, when choosing whether to Charge or Show up is “you have to understand your problems to have any hope of resolving them”: you have to choose the right method for the problem, which I still sometimes struggle with.Now, Courtier. Courtier is fairly easy for me, about as comfy as Lion. But it could also be Snake? Here’s the defining example: when I was a teenager, a lot of people in my social circles had Dark Badger groups going on, which were colloquially called “packs” (as in, wolf packs), with the sort of edgelord nasty Dark Badger dynamics you can imagine from that name. I… Sort of got a group going around me - not because I wanted one, but people did congregate around me with some ease. It was fairly natural for me to lead, and I could have easily made what I had into a typical pack. However, I took one look at the standard model I’d had before me - and decided I wouldn’t do that to my people. We were all teens, all of them were a year or two younger, and I didn’t want to make them dependent on me the way most pack leaders were doing. So I devised my own model. Whenever I made a goof - and there were many - I didn’t hide it. Instead, I’d sort of play it up - draw attention to it and encourage my people to find a better solution, and played up how good it was that we covered for each other’s weaknesses. And instead of keeping them in my entourage by hook or by crook, I specifically let them go and encouraged it when they were looking into stuff that I wasn’t involved in. It worked. I didn’t get a pack, I got friends - and I still have all those people as friends, if not all of them particularly close. I also didn’t see it as being inauthentic or manipulative. People were looking to me for guidance and I’d be a coward if I didn’t give it. It was the right thing to do.

This example is really, really Badger secondary. Obviously you’ve got Loyalist energy coming from your primary, but the thing about Badger secondaries is… they build communities (moreso than Lions, who are much, much more comfortable with followers.) Badger secondaries feel that they are stronger (and their power baser is stronger) when they’ve got a community full of authentic relationships, and authentic relationships are reciprocal.

The way you’re writing about this method of power-building and problem solving feels natural and easy. You’re also writing about an example from when you were pretty young. And like, a D&D campaign that’s been going for ten years? I think you’re a Badger secondary. I think that you’ve had your Badger secondary complicated for you by neurodivergence and executive dysfunction, and you’re working on reclaiming it. (And I think that’s what I’m seeing, but that also is my story.) And, I think your Lion might even be a way of reclaiming it. Lion and Badger both have that “YOU MOVE” energy that you are especially drawn to.

Subjectively I am very drawn to Snake Neutral. That’s basically my ideal state to be in, but the world is not ideal, so you pick up your tools and make the best of it. So Snake or Bird Secondary? Damned if I know.

“Subjectively, on paper, xyz is the best option.” I was talking to a Bird primary the other day who was all set to buy over-the-ear headphones, instead of earbuds. Even though they don’t like over-the-ear headphones, and perfer earbuds. Because over-the-ear headphones were the better option on paoer.

The Bird/Snake distinction is what happens when plans fall apart. If I have a safety net and it paid off, I’ll feel a rush - it worked (for this reason I have no problem with climbing as a sport and falling - I tied those ropes myself, of course I trust them)! If I have to use my safety net 10 times out of 10, though, I’ll be really annoyed (unless it’s a situation where that’s to be expected). If the safety net fails, though, I will comfortably switch to improvising - I do that a lot anyway, and I’m good with it. So I honestly have no idea which is the model!

I mean, you spelled it out right there. You prefer to go in with prepwork. Often the prepwork works, and it feels good when it works. But sometimes it doesn’t. And then you have no problem switching to your beloved Lion model, or your less beloved Snake model.

I mean, Snake/Lion and Snake/Bird both have Snake as a commonality, so maybe that, but, well, I honestly don’t know if it’s my Secondary or a really good model; whether I just like Bird, or whether it’s me, but broken.

The only thing, in this 5K peice of writing, that has sounded anything like specifically a Bird secondary is this: I definitely collect both People and Things, and also Methods. And in the context of everything? That could be a fun Bird model, or even a way of intellectualizing Courtier badger.

A quiz question that seems to be relevant here: “Is knowing things or knowing people more useful when solving problems?”

If there’s anything I learned from my Badger model it’s that people will have things covered, but things won’t have people covered. There’s too many Things in this world to master them all yourself! However! If you don’t have people - have things, and ESPECIALLY have things for stuff that directly impacts your survival. Example: know your medical stuff inside and out, the doctors have dozens of patients, you only have yourself. So… For critical things, I prefer things? For difficult things, I prefer people? For both, have both?

You’re clearly very practical, very intellectually curious, and like knowing things. But that’s not tied to a sorting. Again, you’ve pretty much laid it out for me. “It’s more useful to have people (Badger secondary) but it’s good to have a backup in case people aren’t there (Bird secondary model.)”

Tl;dr: for secondaries, I’m stuck between Bird and Snake. Maybe there was at one point a Bird at the base, but it’s rendered only partially functional by the executive function difficulties? Then my Snake, which is definitely my most comfortable model, compensates for my broken Bird. However, because it’s a Model, not a true Secondary, it can get overwhelmed: there’s a distinct limit to things I can improvise my way out of. So my Bird and Badger both pick up the slack when things get too complex to just waltz into. And then my Lion compensates for the deficit in my Badger and is also just plain comfy - and when I can’t Charge, I fall back to Snake again. Does that look similar to the read you’re getting? Or am I overcomplicating a much simpler thing: a Snake that likes Bird-style problem solving?

Let me tell you the read I’m getting.

You’re a Badger secondary with a Courtier mode that lets you create and keep multiple groups of incredibly loyal friends, and a Bookkeeper mode that’s allowed you to be extremely high functioning in multiple different fields. But, executive dysfunction disfunction and memory struggles have affected the way you see your secondary. You think it should be better, you think it should be perfect. And so when you shift into the Lion model that you really do enjoy, you have this sense that you’re… taking the easy way out or something? And I wish you didn’t have to think all that.

Lastly, you all mentioned in a few places that you have a hard time figuring out what’s the One Thing that Birds value. I’d like to make an offer: verisimilitude. Does everything fit together? And… At least from inside my head, this part of Bird Primary isn’t a choice.

I love it. The one part that’s consistent across all the different flavors of Bird primary.

Thank you for reading the novel, and I hope you had fun with the analysis!

I absolutely did

#submission #sortme #wisteria sorts #bird primary #snake system #badger secondary #courtier badger #bookkeeper badger #you move secondaries #lion secondary model

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quirklessidiot · 4 years

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Title: filthy rich [1/3] Pairing: millionare!sakusa kiyoomi x y/n [filthy capitalist au] Genre: romance, major angst ahead ,fluff, yandere!au-ish

Synopsis: Your luck had just run out when you realized that you flirted with danger. [400 followers special]

Warnings: language and none...yet….[although i will put a trigger warning that is a controlling, abusive, and kind of a yandere relationship] Notes:

Happy 460 followers i- look, i know i promised a long kita fanfic but i got more inspired to finish this and write this one because djjdjdjd ,,, anyways this was originally a kpop fanfic i wrote years ago and i switched it up to an omi fanfic. I don’t condone this type of relationship, if ya see this shit on your partner, please run (i beg of you)

also eheh the remaining two requests will be posted soon so uwu

next || series masterlist || taglist

“Hey Y/N.”

You look up from your medical textbook to find your aunt standing there with an expensive freshly pressed suit on her hand wrapped in plastic, you had been living with her along with her two younger kids in Tokyo after your parents decided to become humanitarian doctors. Wanting to explore and get out of your comfort zone, you ended up living in the big city along with your mother’s closest friend.

“Oh, hey obaasan.” you greeted, “What’s up?”

“Ah, you see, Shoyo is out now and no one will be able to deliver the suit to Sakusa-san, would you mind doing me a favor and delivering it for me?”

You shut your textbook and stood up from your chair, “Sure, uh- could I have his address?” you ask as you took the suit in plastic carefully from her hands, not wanting to damage something that cost as expensive as your tuition in med school. After saying goodbye to your aunt and carefully placing the suit at the back of your car, you drove your way to the upstate part of the city.

Your second hand car stood out like a sore thumb in the lane of expensive and flashy cars, you wanted to waltz in and out of here quickly. Following your aunt’s instruction’s, you march up to the front desk to hand the suit over to the receptionist, “I’m here to drop the laundry for Sakusa-sa-”

Before you could even finish your sentence, she snatched it away from your grasp. You narrow your eyes at her rather uncouth attitude, “Oh, cool...thanks…” you murmur, not wanting to cause a scene or pick a fight with the rude woman, you made a b-line towards the exit. Away from the judging and prying eyes of the people who were very much above you in terms of class and wealth.

The moment you step out though, you watch in horror as your car is being towed away, “Hey!” you exclaimed, hurriedly going to the worker who was writing something down on his clipboard, “Hey, wait! Please, excuse me?”

The worker turned to you with a questioning gaze as you immediately started to explain that you were in and out of the place and that you were just delivering some laundry but all you got was a shake in the head and the words, “It’s not up to me, that guy called us in.” He points his ballpen towards the man in a suit and paired with a surgical white mask on the phone, “...The parking here is for residents only and clearly you’re not one of them.”

Your eyes almost widened at his explanation, just what was wrong with people who lived here?

You fumingly grab the piece of paper he hands to you and stuff it in your pocket as you march up to the stranger on the phone, “Hey, excuse me!” you proclaimed, there were a few on-lookers but you ignored them, you were seeing red with the treatment you’ve been receiving here. The raven-haired stranger ignores you, still on his phone so you call him out again and when you do, the darkest pair of obsidian eyes are on you.

You clenched your fists tightly as the quote ‘eat the rich’ comes into your head.

“There must be some mistake.” You began slowly, trying to put your anger at bay because you didn’t want the whole thing to escalate in public, “I’m in and out here, all i did was deliver and I didn't know-”

“Your ignorance doesn’t excuse you.”

“Excuse me?”

“Ignorance of the law excuses no one.” He simply states, “Also the car was on the way in my space and not even a parking spot.”

You let out a loud, sardonic laugh, “I’d be gone in two minutes if you waited.”

“You would’ve wasted my two minutes.”

You clenched your fist tightly and as you were about to bite back on his snide remark, the receptionist from before intervenes, “Excuse me, he’s right. You aren’t allowed to park here.” she tries to look professional but you know she’s just siding with this idiot since he had the money.

“Right.” you nod, “You know what, fuck it, this blows. All I did was my job and I have to be shitted on because I don’t have money like Mr.fancy-pants over here.” You bellowed,your glare was intense as you turned around, stomping away before you would do anything you’d regret.

The stranger’s eyes towards you do not waver though, how interesting, he thought.

You never wanted to return to that place again, not only did you lose a lot of money to pay your toll fee for your car but you needed to buy a bunch of new books for the new semester. You groan out loud as you also realize that you needed to do a grocery run since all you had were empty packets of instant Ramen and water in your apartment.

Chunking the cue cards to the side, you made your way to the convenience store, the city was definitely alive tonight and amidst that, you look absolutely dead tired. Your eye bags were getting thicker, a few zits had popped out, and you had grown thin in an unhealthy way because of your food consumption.

Man, being in med school and being dumb wasn’t a very good combination.

Your thoughts are interrupted when your aunt calls you again and says you have to do deliveries tonight, “You remember Sakusa-san?” your aunt says on the other line.

You couldn’t help but grimace at the mention of the man and the memories of where he lived.

Man, did this Sakusa-san needed new neighbors.

“What does he need a suit for in this unholy hour?” You mentally groaned.

“He needs it for laundry, you can have the money when you pick it up.”

Your ears immediately perk up at the mention of cash, you decided to take public transportation since you didn’t want to risk getting your car toll away by that Sakusa guy’s wretched fancy-pants neighbor. Grocery shopping could wait another time, “Stupid rich people.” You muttered under your breath as you pushed open the entrance to find the same man who you despised, sitting there with a laundry basket next to him.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” You mumbled, sucking in a deep breath, you say, “Sakusa-san?”

“So I was right.” he says, pulling down his mask to reveal his sharp features, “You were the one who delivered my suit that day. It’s usually a young boy with a bike.”

Boy, this man was definitely at his prime, he was probably a good few years older than you and you bet he had the ladies swinging left and right with that face. Too bad he had a shitty attitude though.

“Well, that doesn’t give you an excuse to tow my car away.” you deadpan.

“How much do I owe you for the unfortunate accident then?” his tone was rich and low but you detected no remorse in it, it was as if waving huge chunks of money would help tremendously. The asshole couldn’t even properly say sorry to you because of the hard time you had to go through that time.

“None,” you scoffed, “Just hand me your laundry and pay the fee, we’ll call it even.”

The raven-haired man tilts his head and carefully hands you the laundry bag along with a wad of cash, your eyes immediately widen out of character, “Woah, wait-”

“For the troubles.” He simply replies, “Goodnight.”

You later found out that his full name was Sakusa Kiyoomi and not only was he rich, he was filthy rich. The man used to be a big volleyball player back or something when he was in high school and college but instead of becoming a pro player, he had inherited the family business.

“Huh, so he was a capitalist.” You stare at his picture at the morning paper which was coincidentally an article about him. You decided to forget about it, expecting to not see him after that night since Hinata had no classes or practices these upcoming weeks yet weirdly enough, he started to ask for you to pick up his laundry instead.

So you both fell into a strange routine, you’d pick up his laundry and return it the next day. He was also there to pick up his things and you no longer needed to talk to the rude receptionist. You were suspicious of him yet you decided to just overlook it, he gave good tips and he wasn’t as rude as the first time you met him, in fact, he made small conversations now and you sort of got to know the man.

You had a weird dynamic but strangely enough, it worked.

“L/N-san.”

“Good evening,” You greeted per usual, holding out your hand yet his eyes squinted at the bandage on your hand.

“What happened.” the raven-haired man asked, his gaze zeroing on the wound that you got in one of your classes.

“I’m a med student...I cut myself instead of the cadaver in class.” you shrug nonchalantly as you wiggle your fingers, “It’s alright though, I’m not going to stain your suit that you keep putting back to the laundry for some odd reason.”

“You got hurt.”

“Happens to the best of us.”

Sakusa mutters something incoherent under his breath before saying, “I’ll take you to your car.”

“Woah there-”

The man ignores you as he walks ahead of you, this was certainly getting out of character, even for him who always asked for you, “Open it.” He orders as he points to the car door, you begrudgingly obliged and did as he said. He places the laundry inside and turns to you to give you his usual pay, “Take care of yourself next time, L/N-san.”

The very next day, your aunt hands you an expensive package of ointments on your doorstep. Your brows are furrowed together in confusion as she says that they’re from the millionaire himself. You pointedly look at the package in front of you, completely lost as to why someone like him would send something like this to the person who he wasn’t exactly close with.

“Y/N-saaaaan…” Hinata drowns, you snap your gaze from your notes to the young orange-haired boy, “I’ve got news!”

You had stopped working for your aunt since you found a job at your university’s library, not only were the hours more lax but they even minus some of the tuition as long as you worked there. It was definitely a win-win situation for you.

“What’s up, orange?” You asked.

“Remember Sakusa-san?”

You hum a reply, “What about him?”

“I think he likes you.”

You almost choke on your saliva when you heard that, this little brat, why you ought to-

“He looked really disappointed when I said that you didn’t work for us anymore.” Hinata explains, cutting your thoughts short,

“Right.” You drawl, shaking your head, “Maybe you were just hard to look at, that’s why.”

“Hey!” He clenched his fists together and pouted at your tone, “I don’t even know why he likes you!”

You feel a vein pop in his forehead as you hear his insult, you proceeded to chunk a pillow to his direction in which he successfully dodged, “Get your facts straight and I assure you, he doesn’t like me.” you grumbled, returning to your books.

Ultimately, you thought that you’d never see Sakusa Kiyoomi ever again. It was fairly obvious that outside your job, someone of high caliber as him was someone you’d never see again yet you're immediately thrown off guard when you find him standing there around your campus.

Your eyes widen in surprise, well what do you know? it was the devil himself.

“Sakusa-san.”

“L/N-san.”

Man, you may not have seen him for a month or two but despite wearing the mask, you could tell that e still sported the same blank and basic bitch face behind it. Hinata was wrong in all ways, this guy wouldn’t like you, he’d probably deem you too low class for him, “What a surprise, it’s been a while.” You stiffly bowed down.

“You’re acting weird.”

You raise your gaze to meet his and you could see the glint of amusement in his eyes.

“You’re most likely a guest in the university.” You mumbled, scratching your head, “People might come at me if I treated you as casually as before.”

Sakusa raises his brow, “That’s funny coming from someone who was this close to punching me during our first meeting.”

“You were being a dick that time.”

“How you have guts to say that to my face amazes me every time.”

“Oh yeah?” You chortled, amused by his statement, “I’m starting to think you’ve taken a liking on me.”

“Was it not obvious when I kept asking for you from Hinata-san?”

You immediately choke on the coffee you were sipping, burning your tongue in the process, “Okay what the hell, sakusa-san-” you said in between coughs.

Your freeze up when you look at him dead in the eye, his eyes crinkling, was he smiling behind the mask? No way, the Sakusa Kiyoomi was smiling at you? He pulls down his mask and bends down, making you retract your steps and your cheeks flush to a brightly red color, “You’re turning red.” he points out loud and that makes you turn even redder.

“You’re acting weird.”

“You were getting dense.”

“How was I supposed to know...to know that…” You try to stutter out, completely embarrassed.

“To know what?”

“You know what.” You grumbled, standing up a bit straighter and ignoring his teasing tone, “I’m not interested in you.”

“Your red cheeks say otherwise.”

“It’s the cold weather.” You harshly replied, looking away again, trying to avoid his gaze, “I’m not interested in a boyfriend, a flirting partner, or whatever that is. So good day!”

You immediately stomp away, leaving Sakusa Kiyoomi with an amused smirk. How entertaining and adorable, you looked like a bunny. His cute bunny.

A few days had passed from that little interaction and you wanted to hurl yourself out the window whenever you thought about it. Sakusa Kiyoomi? The filthy rich capitalist Sakusa Kiyoomi? Interested in you? What kind of k-drama was this?

You tried to avoid going out much in the campus, Apparently he was around after he donated half a million to the medicine department.

You immediately groaned out loud at the thought, there was in no way that all this was possible!

“L/N-san.”

You immediately jump on the spot and drop your keys, “Holy fucking-” You pause, biting back your tongue, there he stood sporting a casual attire instead of a business suit and his usual face mask, “Sakusa-san?”

“Kiyoomi.” He smoothly corrects.

“Nice. Very nice.” You dryly replied, “Heard you donated half a million and some new equipment to our department. Sweet.”

“You don’t look that happy.”

“I mean you basically confessed that you were interested then decided to donate to my department only.” You narrow your eyes suspiciously, “You remind me of a sugar daddy.”

“Well,” He shrugged, “You didn’t exactly deny that you wanted one.”

Your brain immediately short-circuits as you try to stutter out a reply, Sakusa looked like he’d been having a field day. Gone was the fiery girl he met a few months ago, he really knew what to say to reduce you to a stuttering mess.

“I’m kidding, L/N-san.” he deadpanned when he realized that you weren’t giving him a straight answer since your mind was jumbled up, “It was purely coincidental, we’ve been eyeing certain medicine departments and yours was performing top-notch. It doesn’t mean that I’m any less interested in taking you out.”

“You do know I’m poor right…” You sweatdrop, “I could easily take advantage of you-”

“One date, L/N-san…” he says, ignoring your very weak argument, “Just one then I’ll let you go.”

You don’t know why but you ended up saying yes that day.

You didn’t know what to expect on your first date and you had your fingers cross the whole time that he wouldn’t take you to an expensive michelin star restaurant since you didn’t have the clothes for the place.

Thankfully, the date was more casual than you expected, it was in his home and he had cooked the meal himself.

“You’re looking oddly relieved.”

“I can’t function well in expensive restaurants.” You sweatdrop, covering your awkwardness with a laugh. You’ve never gone on dates before, the idea of being intimate with someone had made you feel awkward and bothered.

“I’m not a big fan of public areas so I assure you we're not going on those anytime soon.”

“Well aren’t you getting confident.” You raise a brow, teasing him a bit as you start to pick on the beef with your chopsticks.

“Call it a gut feeling, L/N-san.”

“Y/N.”

“What?”

“You asked me to call you Kiyoomi and well,” you turn red once again, “Well it would be awkward if you were all formal with me.”

You saw the small twinkle in his eyes, “Y/N.” your name rolls out of his tongue smoothly and you feel your heart hammering on your chest, “I like that, Y/N…”

It was in that little moment that you realized that you liked it when he called your name.

The dinner went by without a hitch, Sakusa Kiyoomi was not the same arrogant man that the media portrayed him to be. He was quiet, understanding, and soft. Completely the opposite of the first day you met him. He urged you to talk more about yourself, saying how boring and open his life was since the media tailed him a lot.

“Why Tokyo?”

“Why not?” You shrug, swishing the wine before taking a small sip, “It’s a great place, it’s new, and I had someone I knew here. My mom and Obaasan were good friends so I was allowed to move here on my own.”

“Are you coming back to your country if you’re done with your studies?”

You were silent for a moment, “I don’t think so. I wanna be like my parents.”

“A humanitarian doctor, huh?”

“Yeah.” You smile, “A humanitarian doctor. How about you? What’s your story?”

“Nothing interesting.” He glazed, “I’m an open book, Y/N.”

“Open book?” You tilt your head to the side, “You’re usually painted as an asshole by the media…”

“But you don’t believe it.”

“You kinda were when we first met.”

For the first time, you hear his soft chuckle and your heart starts beating fast. You liked that sound, you wanted to hear something like that again, “You always know how to amuse me, Y/N.” he shakes his head, “And for the record, just because I’m not comfortable with touches, public places and whatnot does not make me an asshole...I just am a very private person with interests…”

“What’s your interest now?”

“You.” He replied nonchalantly, making you look away..

“Stop.”

“What?”

“Stop doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“Flirting with me with a straight face like you mean it!” You choke out, turning red.

“Because I do mean it, Y/N.” He shrugs. “I am interested in you.”

It seemed like that little date you had turned out more successful than you thought, one date led to another and another. This went on for a few months until he asked you to be his partner one night at a very random place, you usually pictured Sakusa Kiyoomi to be the smooth type you were, after all, always the stuttering mess between you two but when he asks you to be his officially, outside the public restroom of all places with his ear tips turning red, your reduced to a heaping pile of giggles.

With men like him, you didn’t exactly expect anything more than the dates.

You should’ve known better that he was too good to be true.

general taglist for the next part is open aye

#sakusa kiyoomi x reader #sakusa kiyoomi headcanons #sakusa kiyoomi imagines #sakusa angst #sakusa kiyoomi angst #haikyuu yandere #sakusa x reader #sakusa imagines #yandere!sakusa #yandere warning!!!#haikyuu imagines #haikyu!! fanfics #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu headcanons #📝📝.Filthy rich series #hostclub.adulting

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gogglor · 3 years

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Cap-Ironman RecWeek: What-If Wednesday

Time for another installment of @cap-ironman rec week! Today’s theme: AU’s.

I know AU’s in different settings are half the reason most people read fanfics, but they’re not really my thing on the whole. AU’s where different choices are made, or different events transpire? Absolutely. Coffee shops? Not my cup of... you know.

So, here’s my AU recommendations for mostly “turn left” scenarios. This time with an under-the-cut break so I don’t take over everyone’s timelines (sorry about that last post). Also with some summaries truncated for length.

Alone Like This

Author: GotTheSilver

Word Count: 7,452

Summary: Steve, post waking up, runs away from SHIELD, and Tony's the one who tracks him down.

Why You Should Read It:

First off, GotTheSilver’s been consistently and regularly putting out solid Stony since 2012 and not only are they not stopping, they’re only getting better. This writer doesn’t get nearly the fanfare I’d expect in Stony circles for someone who puts out this much good stuff, and here’s hoping this post can be a part of changing that.

While I am always a sucker for enemies-to-friends-to-lovers, there’s something to be said for stories where Steve and Tony hit it off right away. And watching these two very different people look at each other and see the same sense of being lost, then finding each other again is... excuse me, there’s something in my eye, ignore me.

Second Chance Lives

Author: raeldaza

Word Count: 43,872

Summary: Tony's gonna die of palladium poisoning anyway, why not join a pointless expedition to recover Captain America’s body? And after, well, why not dedicate his last few months to making sure an American hero settles into his new life? What else is he going to do, get drunk at parties?

Why You Should Read It:

This writer doesn’t write a lot for the MCU but when they do, dang.

“Tony is the one helping Steve acclimate to the new century before Avengers 2012″ is a whole genre of Stony fanfics that scratch an itch I didn’t even know I had before I started reading fanfiction, and this is one of the best ones out there. It’s got it all - Steve poorly coping with his PTSD, Tony poorly coping with his immanent mortality, some breathtakingly poor communication between the two most emotionally stunted men in the MCU, and a cat named Roomba. What’s not to love?

Should You Choose to Accept It

Author: elwenyere (look, you’re gonna be seeing a lot of them this week, sorry-not-sorry)

Word Count: 27,106

Summary: After a terrorist attack and a field operation gone wrong, the Avengers realize that Nick Fury's secrets are just the start of a much bigger mystery. Steve and Tony try to keep some things from each other as well, but that can't possibly affect the mission — right? Mission Fic + Getting Together (or Mission: Getting Together) that mashes up elements from Iron Man 3, CA: Winter Soldier, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. season one, and Mission Impossible 3.

Why You Should Read It:

You can see my post yesterday for singing El’s praises, but what I really liked about this fic was how how damn creative it is. The CAWS/IM3/AOS mashup is everything I wished the actual MCU gave us and more, with well-developed characters and an exciting story to put them in. And because it’s El, you know the banter’s gonna be on point, the way the characters care for each other is gonna be emotionally constipated but touching, and the pacing’s gonna be exciting enough to draw you in and keep you there. Also, this fic doesn’t have nearly enough kudos so please go read it and fix that or I’m gonna have to try to hack AO3 and that’ll just be embarrassing for all parties involved.

What Happens In Vegas

Author: sabremc

Word Count: 161,951

Summary: “What the hell, Tony?” Rhodey demanded brusquely. Tony winced and drew the phone away from his ear. “You’ve got cops and Feds all over the hotel. I’m watching you perp walk out of the police station on repeat on CNN. They’re saying you tried to bribe Stern? Fox News has you selling weapons on the black market, and God that picture they’re using is the one from Bali in ’09. You look like shit. They wheeled Stern out and put him in an ambulance, by the way. Got some paparazzi swearing you decked the guy. Now they’ve got ‘copters following it like he’s OJ.”

“Yeah, don’t worry, Sourpatch, I’ve got it covered. Uh, though, I should probably tell you that, purely in the interests of national security and the greater good, I kind of had to fake marry that stripper-gram you sent. Thanks for that, by the way,” Tony added quickly.

Why You Should Read It:

If you’re deep enough into Stony to see posts like this on Tumblr, you probably know sabre’s what we in the business call a “big name author.” They’re prolific, they’re popular, and most importantly, they write words good (technical term). Seriously, sabre just keeps cranking out high quality stuff over and over again, raising the bar for the rest of us like a jerk (not really. I’m not bitter they write stuff so good I wish I’d thought of it first. Not at all.)

I never read stripper!Steve or stripper!Tony as a rule, but this came so widely recommended that I broke that rule and boy am I glad that I did. This is also the only fic on this list that’s a true-AU, with Steve being a non-powered vet from Afghanistan who left his army career to help Bucky and is stripping in Vegas to raise money for a prosthetic arm. He’s booked to do a private show for Tony, shenanigans ensue, and now they’re fake-married. This fic’s got some top-of-the-line banter and character development, but I particularly love it for its rich setting. Sabre paints a Vegas not just with strip clubs and blackjack tables, but KISS-themed minigolf, romantic dinners on the Eiffel tower, gaudy hotel lobbies, and making out on giant ferris wheels. It’s such a richly developed playground for the characters to play on, and through it, Steve manages to find a life for himself he’d given up on, and Tony finds multiple ways to show his kindness and depth of feeling for Steve. I know the word count’s long for this one but trust me, you’ve gotta read this fic.

Wait & Sea

Author: Lenalena

Word Count: 53,244

Summary: In which Tony and Steve get sent on an undercover mission aboard a cruise ship to make contact with Hydra. In this AU the military has kept the discovery and defrosting of Captain America a secret, so Steve and Tony have never met before. Yet they are to pose as newlyweds....

Why You Should Read It:

This one’s old and popular enough to be considered one of the “classic” Stony fics, and for good reason. Lenalena doesn’t write too often and not as much as they used to, but the fics they have up there are an absolute delight.

This is another fic that I skipped a bunch of times for being outside my comfort zone, but when I finally read it I saw why everyone’s so wild about it. In this story, Steve’s defrosted a bit earlier and not revealed as Captain America. He and Tony are sent undercover to sniff out Hydra shenanigans on a cruise and, because it’s fanfiction, they’ve got to pretend to be a married couple while onboard. There’s tons to love about this fic, but the things that bring me back to reading it over and over is first, Tony’s kindness and the way he’s attuned to Steve’s feelings, which... God, just inject “kind, observant Tony” straight into my veins, please and thank you. This is also another really rich setting for a story, and Lena knows how to fold the the hokeyness of the cruise into the seriousness of the mission and the depth of feelings Steve and Tony are finding for each other in a really beautiful, layered way. It’s funny, it’s heartfelt, it’s steamy, it’s gripping... why are you still reading this here? Go check it out for yourself!

Ashes to Ashes

Author: dirigibleplumbing

Word Count: 51,582

Summary: After regrouping following some surprise time travel, the world's heroes and sorcerers come up with a plan to protect the Mind and Time Stones by taking them into space in opposite directions. The result involves a lot more time loops than Steve would like, but at least they're getting a second chance to stop Thanos. (As well as a third, and a fourth...) And if Steve takes the opportunity to try to reconcile with Tony, too—well, they have the time, and Steve's going to make the most of it.

Why You Should Read It:

Dirigibleplumbing’s another name in Stony fanfics that does not get nearly as much fanfare as they deserve. They’re consistently a really creative voice in Stony fanfics and I always look forward to their stories showing me something new. Go read all their fics, I need more people to geek out with me over them.

I tend to limit myself on Steve-and-Tony-mend-things-after-Civil-War fics not because they’re not good, but because they’re so heavy, and also the Sokovia Accords have five hundred layers of crap in them that no good fic could possibly hash out well. This one, though? When you add in the Infinity War/End Game fixit? Poetry. Art. Music to my ears. DP wrote a really engaging, twisty story where it’s hard to predict what’s coming next, in spite of it literally being a pseudo-Groundhog day scenario. The characterizations are great, the story is engaging, and the feelings are big and sad and eventually happy. Go read it, you’ll love it.

I have tons of other recs for this category but this seems like a good place to stop for today. Tomorrow’s Alternative Media Thursday, and I’ve got some real gems I’ve been saving for that day (aaaaand possibly a self-rec or two ;)

#capimrecweek #tony stark #Steve Rogers #stony #fanfiction #MCU #ficrec

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simstationdance · 2 years

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🤡, 🎶, 💖 and 🤗 please for the Emoji Ask! Thank you!

I answered the clown emoji question before, and I'd add more moments I've written that make me laugh but I'm struggling to think of any (just woke up, memory bad..)

As for the music question, I'll post another absolute banger from the SimCity 4 soundtrack. It's so good it makes me go insane

Also I ended up rambling A LOT for the other two questions so I'm putting them under a cut sdfghdfjsgj

What made you start writing?

I honestly don't really know. When I was a kid, people kept telling me to write my ideas down and do something with them, and I was like "okay :)" And then I wrote fanfiction for 20 years.

For the Sims 2, specifically, I told stories with my sims pretty much from the day it first came out, but somehow had no idea that there was a whole community of people doing the same until 2020.

That's when I found Fortune & Romance by Skell. My mind was blown because of the attention to detail, the composition of the pictures, the writing, and everything else, and all I could think was "you... can do that? you can just do that? people did that?" And then I found a bunch of sims stories on Tumblr and thought, "people STILL do that?" because by that point F&R was pretty old and literally no one really uses Livejournal anymore.

And then I was like "omg I wanna do that," because I genuinely think using video games as a storytelling medium is extremely cool.

What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

uhhh I'm not good at giving advice but something that worked for me is... "just jump right in and start writing, man." Probably not the most helpful advice, I know it's not that easy.

But what I mean is, I have terrible anxiety, so if you're anything like me, you'd know that Getting Started and pushing past that anxiety just enough to actually post something is one of the hardest parts, because of thoughts like "oh no what if people don't like it :(("

So, this is advice both to myself and to anyone reading this: Don't let an idea fester in your brain forever just because you're scared of the What Ifs that come with writing something and posting it. Not everyone will like it, but surely someone out there will. And if that someone is just you, that's perfectly fine.

Because writing fanfic - sims related or not - is a hobby, and hobbies are meant to be Fun.

#|| ask #i dont mean to sound pretentious with that advice #im being 100% genuine #i dont know how i did it but i was like 'im gonna write sims fanfiction and no one is gonna stop me'#and would you look at that. Nobody Stopped Me.#not even myself or my debilitating anxiety #so the best advice i can give really is just... 'JUST DO IT!!'

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kbsd · 4 years

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not sure if you’ve answered this before, but what’s your process look like when you make an amv? i’m just curious and in constant awe of ppl who can make videos like you do :)

hello all!!! i have answered this before and i have a vid help tag with other asks i’ve gotten about stuff like this! but i’ve gotten several more messages along these lines so i’m just going to answer a bunch of them together (under a cut since i love to ramble about editing lol). i do just wanna say i’m definitely not the authority on video editing and obv everyone has their own techniques!

edit: i just finished typing all this up and it’s SO long so sorry in advance LMAO god bless anyone who reads this entire thing

so i work in news tv and we have a very specific workflow for writing scripts, sourcing video, producing, and editing. i’ve just applied that to making amvs! for every video i make, i copy the song lyrics into a google doc and adjust them to match the song i’ve cut (i often will trim songs for time and/or content purposes). then i start planning! i’ll mark down what clip i want to use for each lyric next to that line, and any sound bites i want to use (with episode numbers!). i’ll color code between video and sound bites and lyrics, so my scripts end up looking something like this (for my honeybee amv):

doing the planning ahead of time makes everything much easier when it’s a video that spans the whole show or involves a lot of sourcing, like honeybee or sports analogies. that way when i get to the actual editing process, i already know what i’m going to do and have a game plan. for videos like happy ending or believe it or not, where i’m mainly just pulling from a few episodes, i can just plan it in my head as opposed to writing it all down, and produce as i edit. obviously i do make in-the-moment decisions while editing—sometimes a shot doesn’t work the way i thought it would, or i go where the video takes me—but planning ahead definitely helps. i know some people use spreadsheets as well, with columns for lyrics, video clips, and sound bites if applicable. once you find a system that works, it actually goes pretty quickly.

as for sourcing clips themselves/finding clips within episodes, i talked about that here and kind of here. the short version is that transcripts are a must, and the supernatural wiki is hugely helpful by cataloguing all the hugs, prayers, phone calls, etc. in the show. gifmakers that tag episode numbers on their posts are your friends. it gets easier the more video you make—that’s another huge reason i make the google docs for each video (even the ones i plan in my head, i end up going back and making a loose script with episode notes just for reference). if i can’t remember where something is but i know i used it in another video, i can easily reference past scripts!

i also cut all my videos in the same project in premiere pro, so i can flip between them easily. instead of checking a past script, i can just go to the video sequence itself and copy the clip i’m looking for! this was especially helpful when i match cut together the 5x18 and 4x22 wall slam shots for my bestie video, and then stole it from myself for honeybee hahaha. at any given time i have at least 8 sequences open:

because of the sheer volume of videos i make, it’s worth it for me to download the entire show—i have all 327 episodes in HD, plus deleted scenes. if you think you’re only going to make a few videos, i’d start with scene packs. you can usually just google “destiel [or whatever ship/character you’re looking for] scene packs” and there will be any number of ones you can download. if you need other specific scenes, you can always download/torrent individual episodes or screen record netflix (that’s what i did before i got HD download links). i’m happy to share my links if you DM, but be warned it’s a lot of disk space (about 500GB on my hard drive). someone also compiled every destiel scene, downloadable here.

having every episode already loaded in premiere for all my projects also makes it a lot easier to source clips. once i use a clip in a video, i’ll put a marker on the episode file, so that after a while i have most of the important scenes/lines marked to easily find them. to give you an idea, this is my episode file in premiere for 12x10 lily sunder has some regrets (markers at destiel scenes, the car fight, hot girl cas, etc.). markers are the green tabs along the bottom:

premiere also lets you color code and name markers, so ONE DAY i will go back and color code them all. the ones above are all the same color, but in a perfect world, i’d have a myraid—for destiel shots like hugs, touches, looks; for important pieces of dialogue; for action shots; etc. but for now this works ok for me, so that’s a project for another time!

between detailed scripts, one giant premiere project, markers, the wiki, and my own memory, i have so many points of reference that i can usually find any clip i need in about 2 minutes max. sound bites are often harder to start out, or tiny specific shots i haven’t used before, and that’s when i turn to tumblr gifsets or beloved mutuals to crowdsource. but if you’re as obsessive about marking/keeping neat scripts as i am, it gets easier and easier with every video you make. that’s part of why i’m able to cut videos together so quickly. (also i want to stress i do this for a living and have to produce/edit a new piece for my show every day so i’m used to it. and compared to constantly updating content/sources and news that changes every day, 327 highly documented episodes that never change are much easier to handle hahaha)

this is all great for me since i make so many videos and plan to continue doing so, but if you’re only making a few, this level of work isn’t worth it imo. really it’s all about developing a system that works for you. whatever you do with episodes/sourcing, though, i cannot recommend planning things out in a script ahead of time enough.

everything i just mentioned is producing, though. for the editing process, i usually do it in this order:

music first. any parts i want to cut, i make sure it all sounds smooth

then soundbites. i usually try to weave them into the lyrics—i have characters talk in breaks between lines or instrumental sections as much as possible. i’ll sometimes go so far as looped/extending an intsrumental part to make room for the soundbite i want there lol. if i do have dialogue over a line, i do the sound mixing/levels at this point as well to make sure everything is audible/one doesn’t overpower the other. (also i always include the video that goes with these bites when i drop them in, and decide later if i want to show the character speaking or have other clips cover the dialogue)

once i have all the audio locked in, then i bring in all my other video clips. sometimes i edit completely chronologically, sometimes jumping from section to section—it depends on the song or how i’m feeling

double check sound mixing. i usually listen to my videos through a few times, with headphones and without to make sure it’ll sound good no matter how people watch it

once i have picture and audio lock, i go through and color correct my clips. i’m basic and just use lumetri color in premiere, and usually just play with brightness, saturation, temperature, and tint until i like it

render and export! :)

i always have several audio tracks, but i try to keep my video tracks condensed. i’ll drop clips on a V2 level, and edit a section there, and drop the whole chunk down to V1 so i know it’s finished. that way when i leave and come back i can know where i left off/what’s done/etc. to give you an idea, this is the timeline for my what the hell video:

i always render as H.264 with high bitrate, and make sure to check “render at maximum depth” and “use maximum render quality” for the best quality. i’m sorry, but i don’t know what the equivalent options are in final cut, imovie, kdenlive, etc. i post on youtube mostly so i don’t have to sacrifice quality, but usually just using a lower bitrate will get you under the tumblr file size limit and it’ll still look good.

as for the anon who asked about “polishing”: first of all, thank you!! second of all, it’s in the details. all of this is a matter of taste and my own insanity, but here are some little things i always try to do:

after i color correct, i blur out any credits from the starts of episodes. i use gaussian blur for this, but really any blur tool works

as much as possible, i avoid clips where we see a character’s mouth move but don’t hear the words. in tv/film we call it “lip flap” and i just think it looks messy. also i’m trained to avoid it at all costs at work hahaha. it’s more for serious videos that this matters a lot to me (e.g. i think i did a really good job eliminating lip flap in my happy ending amv)—for comedy videos i don’t sweat it as much

i put audio fades on the start and end of every single audio clip i use, even if i don’t think i need it, to make sure everything sounds smooth

i use markers for timing, especially in action-y videos like what the hell. i’ll put a marker on the clip i’m using at the exact moment a punch lands, and in the song on the beat. if i have the magnet/snap in timeline tool on i can just easily snap them together instead of having to spend time finagling it

this is such a small thing but i dip/cut to black for a tiny bit at the start and end of every video. this way if i post with tumblr video player, there’s black between the loops, and it gives you a beat before the video restarts. i do this even on videos i post on youtube, just because i think it looks nicer/more professional

this is 1,500 words so i’m going to stop myself before i pull something. if you have follow-up questions feel free to ask and i’ll continue to add them to the vid help tag, but any more questions about sourcing clips or my process in general i’ll just link this post going forward. anyone who made it this far, i am sending to a telepathic kiss. thank you for reading and happy editing!

#i typed this all up at 4am so i'm just scheduling it to post sometime today #ask #vid help

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meruz · 4 years

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Aforementioned long ask post please excuse me while i try to figure out tumblr's new text editor. I’ll get into the art meme questions first and then the rest at the end.

Ok first of all thank you all for sending in questions! Giving me an excuse to talk hehe. I’ll address these in number order. Here’s a link to the ask meme for reference but also I’ll restate the question for ease of reading.

1. When did you get into art?

Super cliche answer but I don’t remember a time where I WASN’T the weird art kid! I started keeping a dedicated sketchbook when I was about 12? But here’s a page from my kindergarten journal about what I want to be when I grow up.

2. What art-related sites have you ever signed up for?

LOL this is a weird question. Not sure why so many people want to know. Anyways I definitely had a dA. more than one dA account. I used to browse oekakis when I was a kid but I think I was only signed up to some small ones that internet friends owned. What else...? Mangabullet,Tegakie, Paintberri, iscribble back when that was a thing, instagram if that COUNTs, I used to post art on livejournal and dreamwidth too. Patreon, I guess. Gumroad, inprnt, bigcartel, storenvy all for selling stuff.

In terms of resources.. I have a schoolism account that I’m sharing with friends. Used to take classes on coursera for free. I signed up to textures.com for work recently haha. I can’t remember if I ever had an account on posemaniacs. Did they have accounts...? I definitely used to visit all the time.

3. Show us your oldest piece of art you have on hand.

Alright here’s me actually logging into my old deviantart account. These are from September 2008 So I was 13 years old. I don’t have a deviantart account from before then because 13 was the required age for having an account and I didn’t want to lie about my age because I wanted people to be impressed by how young yet clearly incredible at art I was LOL.

4. What defines your artistic style?

You guys are probably more equipped to answer this than me but uh... I wanna say... Focus on colors. And... a slightly heavy hand? Like confident... not always well-considered mark making HAH...

Also I think I have a pretty healthy mix of american comics/manga influences. I feel like people who are into american comics always think my art is too manga and people who are into anime/manga always think my art is too american. And I’m taking that as a good sign.

5. Do you practice other styles/have you tried other styles in the past?

I like to think I switch it up a bunch! I mean, these are pretty different, right?

I think I’ve mentioned this before but one thing I really took away from art school is that, for an illustrator at least, art style shouldn’t be consistent. Your greatest weapon is changing the aspects of your style based on the task, the emotions and message you want to illustrate etc. So depending on the project I’m working on, the fandom I’m drawing for, whether I want something to be funny or serious or dramatic, I’ll change things about my style all the time.

One thing I don’t rly post on here is really tight polished work and that’s because I do that for my day job haha. If you’re not paying me... I’m probably not gonna color in the lines.

6. What levels of artistic education have you had?

I have a whole ass diploma LOL. Bachelor of Fine Arts in Illustration. from the Rhode Island School of Design. And I had a great college experience tbh. Besides the student loans. If any of you guys are thinking about art school feel free to e-mail or message me questions or concerns, I’ll be happy to help. Be as honest as I can be.

7. Show us at least one picture you drew or sketched recently that you did not put on a public site.

heres the wandavision kids. Uhh what else do I have...I feel like I’m rummaging for loose change here...

assorted valentines prep doodles

8. What is your favourite piece that you have done?

Well, obviously this is gonna change all the time and generally it’s gonna be my most recent piece LOL. So yeah, why the hell not. I’ll say it’s this one. I have a pretty short memory which I count as a blessing for an artist. I don’t dwell that long on older work and it keeps me moving forward.

10. What do you like most about your art?

I like that it’s something that only I would make! I had this thought fairly recently and I wrote it down in my sketchbook, it’s pretty cheesy and rambling but it felt revolutionary at the time:

So yeah. I like my art best when it’s the most me and for me. And I like it least when it feels like I’m just making something for social media or for other people’s expectations or whatever.

14. What do you like drawing the most?

Kids in baggy clothing are like my go-to LOL idk if that’s obvious. but also I like being challenged so lately I’ve really loved drawing multi-character compositions, environments, weird angles, etc.

oh i LOVE drawing the underside of shoes lol. And bandages. People that are kinda beat up.. I think it comes from getting a bunch of cuts all the time. I’m always patching myself up and I want to patch characters up too.

15. What do you like drawing the least?

mmm I try to find something to like in every drawing but lets see... I don’t like doing commissions of people’s dogs. Just because it’s normally like... a family friend and my mom volunteered me without my consent and I don’t even really know what they’re expecting me to draw and I don’t even get to meet the dog. Also I’m not that great at dog anatomy. Trying to learn though.

18. What is your purpose for drawing?

This could have a million answers! Uhhh to GIT GOOD??? But also to express myself... and also to make money... I mean it depends on what the drawing IS. I draw fanart mostly to connect to people in the fandom so if you ever see me drawing fanart please take it as like an open invitation to talk to me about the character haha.

20. How would you rank your art? (poor, mediocre, good, etc.)

Good!!! I have a lot of self-confidence primarily born out of ignorance and a short attention span. If I don’t think too hard about how many other artists are mindblowingly unfathombly good... its easy to think I’m good too! LOL

In all seriousness though, I think the opinion a person has of their art is like a crazy balancing act, right? Like you have to think you suck enough to want to get better but also you have to think you’re good enough to not want to give up. I think we’re all walking that line, I know I am! But also I’m a glass half-full type of person so. Most of the time I feel good about it.

22. List at least one of your “artspirations.”

This is a good question because I’ve been trying and failing to put together one of those “influence map” memes for like a full month now. What’s giving me a hard time is I feel like none of these are actually really obvious “““influences”““ in my art? Like it’s hard to see a lot of them in the work I make...? But idk maybe you guys’ll see what I can’t.

And these are just a couple! God there’s so many more. I could talk about other artists for ages, from all different genres of art. Daumier, Rockwell like every illustrator out there, Dana Gibson, Alex Toth, Hiroshi Yoshida, a lot of the Brandywine School. Lots of current working artists too, Karl Kerschl, frikkin Masashi Kishimoto lol, Jake Wyatt, Richie Pope, Edouard Caplain, Matt Cook, Sachin Teng, - lots of big internet artists, Sophie Li, Freddy Carrasco, Milliofish, Angela Sung... like all my friends from art school too. I could just keep going but I’ll stop for now lol.

24. Do you have a shameful art past? (recolour sprite comics, tracing art, etc.)

I mean if that’s how we’re defining shameful?? sure LOL. It’s not sprite comics but I used to do pokemon sprite recolors all the time. And I used to trace manga panels and color them... Granted this was all when I was like under 12 yrs old so it’s not even embarrassing. Can you really call it shameful when a 7 year old wets the bed or whatever? Not really. In fact some of these are cool as fuck. Look

25. Draw a picture!

Man I’m so tired now but here.

I used to get a lot of compliments for drawing people smiling lol but I don’t think I’ve drawn a lot of smiling lately.. here’s proof I’ve still got it.

OK MEME DONE. onto the rest.

I read this ask first thing when i opened my computer in the morning and it made me really emotional.. I’m so glad my sketches could help you!!

I think a lot of artists on social media talk about the struggle of making art but imo not enough people talk about the joy! Like I know it’s corny but. I really meant what I said at the beginning of that sketchbook about re-contextualizing art around process and progress > product and perfection. I think its super important..! The strength of messy, unfinished, and energetic art! For the feeling of it, for the love it!

That's crazy!!! I hope you like 'em. The whole line of x-books is really good rn imo.

Hi! I totally have the answer for digital stuff on my faq lol. But in terms of drawing on paper.. it varies! I tend to use sketchbooking and any on-paper doodling I do as a way to loosen up/warm-up or experiment. But right now my go-to aresenal is:

from top > bottom

- kuretake no.55 doublesided brush pen

- tombow fudenosuke

- muji 0.38 ballpoint

- medium size poscas

- grey tombow double brush pens

- good ol bic mechanical pencil

not EXACTly sure which inking you referring to from my sketchbook but if I had to take a guess it'd probably be the kuretake no55. That's been my main inker, lately. Great for sketching with the thin end too.

You can print out and eat my art if you like. Just please don't mass produce or re-sell. <3

Thanks! I've come to accept that my art is always gonna be sort of gestural and painty naturally. It's getting it to tighten up enough to be legible that's hard lol...

uh yeah lol I agree actually. I think yolei is great.

I assume these asks are related? LOL

1) Yeah totally true. I love David.

2) I don’t take requests, sorry! But if you want to commission me to draw Legion i would be MORE than happy to. Just e-mail me at [email protected].

<33333333333333333333333333

#ask #anonymous

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snowdice · 3 years

Text

Big Bang (Sort of) Editing Story [Day 63]

I started writing this fic while editing my Big Bang story, but am going to continue doing it for other things now that Kill Dear is out. I will write and publish 100 words of the story every time I finish doing whatever task I’m doing. If you’d like to block these proceedings, please feel free to block the tag proofread stories. I will reblog this post with the parts of the story I do today. Edited chapters are linked; everything else I’ve done so far is under the cut.

My Master Post Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29

Let’s do some of this tonight.

Chapter 29

Virgil finished eating the breakfast Patton’s mom had sent for him. It had been going on a week since they’d discussed making menus for him him. She sent up little cards with each meal and he was supposed to rate each thing she sent on a scale from 1-5. Logan would read it to him before he ate, and Virgil would mark the little box on the card corresponding to his opinion. Usually, he would put a 4 for everything (he had tried to do 5, but Logan had told him 5 was reserved for things like chicken alfredo). Three was for things that he was neutral on, 2 was for things he didn’t like but could tolerate, and 1 was for things he didn’t like. So far, the only 3 was the unseasoned porridge she’d sent one day. Yet, putting toppings on it like cinnamon and sugar and different fruits had increased its rating easily.

“Finished?” Logan asked.

“Yeah,” Virgil said.

“What would you like to do today?” Logan asked. “Patton is busy until after lunch, and then we thought you might like to go back to the garden again. It’s supposed to drop in temperature over the next few days, so it will be the last good day for it.”

“Sounds good,” Virgil said. “I don’t care what we do today though. What do you want to do?”

Logan made an expression, and Virgil titled his head. “I don’t have anything in particular I want to do,” he said.

“You’re lying,” Virgil said immediately.

“You would not be interested in the activity I wish to partake in,” Logan said.

Virgil squinted at him. “I’d be interested in laying on the ground and staring at the ceiling.”

Logan chuckled. “No, truly. The activity I would do if you were not present would involve reading.”

“You can read to me,” Virgil suggested.

“…In Sanskrit.”

Virgil frowned at him. “Isn’t that, like, some sort of dead language?”

“It is,” Logan said. “I taught the language to myself in order to read a specific book called the Pragilium Text. It’s an encoded book that leads to a magical location that I have been trying to decode for years.”

“That’s fine,” Virgil said. “You can do that.”

“It would be in the library,” Logan said.

“Okay.”

“But…” Logan said. “It would in no way be interesting to you.”

Virgil shrugged. “Like I said. I’m content to lie on the floor for a few hours.”

Logan frowned. “I can’t make you do that.”

“You wouldn’t be making me,” Virgil said. “I want to go. Maybe you can find me an easy book I could try to read?”

“Are you certain?” he asked.

Virgil nodded, decisively.

“Very well, get dressed and I will show you the library.”

Virgil stood to do so and a few minutes later, Logan was leading him out of the royal wing.

Both of the guards greeted him kindly, and Virgil hunched his shoulders in a bit, but said a soft “hi.”

The library didn’t end up being too far away. It was through the small dining hall and to the left where the staircase to the kitchen was to the right.

“This is not the main library,” Logan said when they entered. “It is just a smaller one. The royal librarian comes here only about once a week to organize. Some other castle residents might come in too, but it is usually mostly empty.”

Virgil could tell just by listening closely for a few seconds that the place was likely empty (unless someone was lying in wait).

“I’ll look and see if there is something simple for you in case you’d like to read. You can explore a bit if you’d like,” Logan said.

Virgil nodded and stalked off into the shelves to secure the area. There were many books, not that he could quite read any of the spines. The bookcases were mostly cramped into the space. There was the open area where they’d come in with a few comfy chairs and Virgil found a desk near one of the windows. It had stacks of books including one pretty large and old one. He looked at it curiously.

Virgil heard Logan’s footsteps approach from down an aisle. “That’s the Pragilium text,” he said.

“It’s pretty,” Virgil said, looking at the design etched into the cover.

“Yes,” Logan agreed. He reached forward to touch it and opened it carefully. The print was small and didn’t look like the letters Logan had taught him so far. There was a small map on the side that Virgil could at least guess at the meaning of.

“You can read that?” Virgil asked.

“I can,” Logan said. “Very few people can though.”

“Wow, you’re really smart.”

“Thank you,” Logan said with a smile. “Now, I found you a book. I apologize as its subject matter is for younger children, but it has many pictures that can help give you context when you don’t know something. You don’t have to read it if you do not wish to, especially as we haven’t gotten very far in our lessons, but I thought you might like the challenge.

He handed him the book and Virgil took it with a smile. “I’ll try to read it,” he said.

“Well, you have free reign of the library. Feel free to continue to explore and to interrupt me if you need to.”

Virgil nodded and took the book before deciding to finish his sweep of the library. It turned out that appearances were not deceiving, and the library truly was empty. Once he was certain about that, he looked around for a comfortable place to settle down and try to read the book Logan had handed him. He found a sturdy looking bookshelf near where Logan was reading at his desk. He scaled it quickly. It was a little bit dusty at the top, but it wasn’t a bad place. It was close to the ceiling and kept him hidden pretty well, but still gave him enough room to pop up onto his elbows. If he looked left, he could see Logan down below with his eyes trained on the book, but if he looked right, he could see the entrance to the library.

He pulled the book in front of him and looked at the cover. It was covered in drawings of different colored flowers. One simple white flower was in the center and there were three words on the cover. He squinted at it and silently tried to sound it out based on what Logan had taught him so far. He could guess that the larger word was ‘flowers’ based on context. So, he was pretty sure it read How Flowers Grow.

He flipped open the book. Logan was right, there were many hand drawn beautiful pictures. He could pretty much understand what was happening just from them even if he couldn’t read all of the words.

It was an interesting book even if he couldn’t read it and it was obviously made for small children. Judging by the pictures, it seemed to be detailing how plants, or at least, flowers grew through some kid planting and caring for a flower over the course of some amount of time.

Virgil had, of course, known flowers grew from seeds, but it was interesting to see things about how the stem would pop out of the seed in the ground and things about the roots growing.

He more looked through the pictures than read it the first time but had flipped back to the front to try to read the words when he heard the library door open.

Virgil perked up in awareness, but then settled when he recognized Patton’s footsteps. Virgil tilted his head to watch as he walked directly to Logan’s hideaway.

“Hi,” he said, gaining Logan’s attention.

“Hello, Patton,” Logan replied. He glanced at the window and must have seen that time had passed because he closed his book and shuffled his papers.

“The guards said you came here,” Patton said, glancing around. “Where’s Virgil?”

Instead of letting Logan answer that question, Virgil pulled himself forward, with the book in one hand and slid off the bookshelf to land lightly on his feet next to Patton.

Patton screamed briefly before slapping a hand over his mouth.

Logan had placed his hand over his heart. “Where on Earth did you come from?” he asked.

Virgil blinked at him and then pointed to the bookshelf he’d been on top of.

“How long were you up there?” Logan asked.

“Pretty much the whole time,” Virgil answered.

“I…” Logan said. “I didn’t even know.”

Virgil squinted at him. “You need to learn to look up.”

Patton giggled.

Virgil turned on him. “You need to learn to case the area.”

“Oh honey, your shirt is all covered in dust,” Patton said instead of responding to his very valid criticism. Virgil frowned. “Let’s get you changed and then go grab some lunch.”

“Lunch?” Virgil asked.

Patton chuckled and grabbed his hand. “Yes, sweetie, lunch. Then garden.”

“Fine,” Virgil said. “But you do need to learn to be more observant.

“Yes, yes, whatever you say,” Patton said.

Logan just rolled his eyes.

Chapter 30

After lunch, Patton and Logan took Virgil out into the garden to walk around. They let Virgil lead them around wherever he wanted to in the garden. A bunch more flowers had died since the last time they’d been out here, and Patton felt sad despite having never felt very sad about that sort of thing before. But, Virgil seemed to really like the flower he’d found last time, so Patton thought he was probably sad on the boy’s behalf.

Of course, Patton thought, perking up, eventually it would be spring, and Virgil could get to not only see flowers but see all of the flowers grow. Patton couldn’t wait to see him amongst the garden then.

Virgil took them wandering through the orchard for a while, but most of the trees had been stripped of their fruits. They ended up in the food garden after a bit, and Virgil finally seemed to decide on the direction instead of just ambling about.

A few seconds after Patton noticed Virgil seemingly decide on a destination, Patton noticed Mr. Deknis kneeling on the ground a few feet away. Had… had Virgil been looking for him? Patton wondered. That was adorable.

Mr. Deknis looked up as they approached and smiled at them.

“Hello, Mr. Deknis,” Patton said as they came closer.

“Hello you three,” Mr. Deknis said. “Getting into trouble?”

“No,” Virgil said, shaking his head.

Mr. Deknis gave him a flash of a smile. “I know, I’m joking,” he said. “Especially since there isn’t much left in my gardens for certain princes to destroy with experiments.”

“Oh, okay,” Virgil said. He tilted his head. “What are you doing?”

“I’m getting the last of the acorn squash out,” Mr. Deknis replied. “It’s the last crop to get finished. Good thing too, it’s supposed to start snowing soon.”

Virgil looked down curiously at the dark green squash.

“Would you like to help me pick a couple?” Mr. Deknis asked.

“Sure,” Virgil said, sounding interested. Mr. Deknis patted the ground beside him and Virgil knelt down to watch him.

“They’re not too difficult to harvest,” he said. “You just cut the fruit off the stem. You want to leave about a hand’s width of the stem left over which will help preserve moisture. The earlier harvests, I left in the field to cure in the sun for a couple weeks, but the frost’ll ruin them so we’ll take them inside the green house and let them sit in the sun for a bit there. We also want to keep the leaves. You’ll probably be eating those for dinner tonight since they have to be cooked up within about 24 hours after they’re picked. Patton’s mom makes a good side dish with them and she’ll be making some curry tomorrow, probably. Maybe some stew if there are some leftover.”

“Put the squash in this wheelbarrow and the leaves into this pile, okay?” Virgil nodded and Mr. Deknis handed him the extra pair of gloves and shears he carried with him in case one set broke. “These might be a bit big on your, but they should work for now.”

Mr. Deknis looked up at Patton and Logan. “Would the two of you like to help?” he asked. “I can get some more equipment.”

“I can help out if you want, but you don’t need to stop and get more equipment just for me,” Patton said.

“The same for me,” Logan said.

“Well, if you’d like to help still, you can sort the leave. Give your mother a head start.”

“Sure,” Patton said. He and Logan went to do that while Mr. Deknis and Virgil worked on cutting the squashes from the vine.

“What do you do during the winter?” Virgil asked curiously. “If this is your last crop.”

“Well, at the beginning, I mostly will be working on making sure things are stored correctly along with some of the kitchen staff. There’s some drying to do and some canning. After that’s done, I’ll spend some time organizing and planning. Then, before the spring comes, I’ll start preparing seedlings in the green house.”

“Seedlings?” he asked.

“I let seeds start to grow in the greenhouse that I replant once it gets warm enough.”

“Why don’t you just plant them where they’re going?”

“I do for some,” he said, “but giving some a head start is good for them.”

Patton watched as Virgil continued to ask questions about gardening while working on harvesting the squash. Mr. Deknis continued to answer them in a calm, soft tone that Patton didn’t think he’d ever heard from the often gruff man before.

Patton wasn’t surprised when, after finishing getting most of the squash off of the vine, Mr. Deknis asked if Virgil wanted to help him with canning some pears in a couple of days. Virgil immediately looked over at Logan and Patton as though asking permission.

“Say yes if you want to Virgil,” Logan said.

“Yes,” Virgil said as soon as he was given permission. Mr. Deknis smiled at him softly and started loading the last of the squash into the wheelbarrow. Patton offered to run the squash leaves to the kitchen while Logan and Virgil helped Mr. Deknis take the actual squash to the green house.

He dropped the leaves off to a kitchen worker since Mama was busy and headed back out to the garden. By the time he returned, Logan was already back from the green house and sitting by one of the more decorative trees near the castle.

“He’s exploring,” Logan said, nodding at the large patch of bushes.

Patton chuckled. “I see.” He sat next to Logan. Every so often he’d hear the bushes rustle, but he couldn’t tell if it was actually Virgil or an animal.

“He’s adorable,” Patton commented, keeping an ear out.

Logan hummed.

“I’m glad we kept him.”

“He isn’t a pet, Patton.”

Patton rolled his eyes. “I know, but I’m still glad. I’m glad he’s making friends with Mr. Deknis. Once he knows how to read better, we should get him a book about gardening. He seems interested.”

Logan nodded. “Having a hobby would be good for him. Clearly he has a fascination with the garden.” He nodded to the blur of dark hair that could be seen through the bushes. It seemed Virgil had stopped his exploration and was now laying down in the bushes a few feet away.

“I’m going to go see what he’s doing,” Patton said. “I’ll be right back.”

Logan nodded and Patton got to his feet. The bushes were part of a small maze that was filled with flowers during the spring and summer months but were mostly just green and brown bushes for now. Despite the fact that Patton had been able to see him only a few feet away, it took him a while to wind through the path to where he was. When he finally turned the last corner and he came into view, Patton gasped softly.

“Ghost kitty!” he said, making sure to make his voice as quiet as possible.

Despite how soft he made his voice, two pairs of eyes shot over to him. The completely black kitten was perched on Virgil’s lap like she belonged there. Ghost Kitty hissed slightly, but Virgil reached forward to pet her head gently.

“This is Ghost Kitty?” Virgil asked. “I thought you said she was hard to pet.”

“She is,” Patton said. He lowered himself onto the ground from a few feet away from them. “How did you get her to come to you?”

Virgil glanced down at the cat and shrugged, scratching one of her ears. “She just came over to me and let me pet her.”

“Wow,” Patton said softly. He looked at the cat. “Could I pet you sweetie?” he asked, holding out a hand in her direction. She hissed again.

Virgil frowned down at her. “It’s Patton,” he said as though he expected to understand his words and the exasperation in the tone he said them in.

He pet the cat’s head to soothe her and then reached over to grab Patton’s hand. He pulled and Patton carefully leaned a bit closer until his hand was within sniffing distance. Ghost Kitty sniffed his fingers contemplatively and then bumped her head against it. He barely restrained a squeal, knowing that probably wouldn’t be taken well.

He carefully turned his hand over so he could stroke the top of her head. He gently scratched her ear, not daring to go for under her chin yet since she didn’t know him well. “Hi,” he said softly. After a moment, she started to purr softly. Virgil reached over and scratched under her chin and she purred louder. “Oh, you’re a good girl,” Patton breathed, letting a hand trail gently down her back once and then again. Patton settled himself carefully into a seating position continuing to pet her. After a few more moments of soft petting, she hesitantly stepped her front paws onto Patton’s thigh so she was sitting in both of their laps. Patton laughed softly. “Hi sweetie.” He glanced over at Virgil who had a wide smile on his face as he pet the cat. This. This was adorable. They continued to pet the cat for a very long time.

Chapter 31

Logan waited for a while after Patton left to check on Virgil, but the two never resurfaced. It was odd, Patton would usually remember to come back and get Logan or at least tell them where they were. With a sigh, Logan climbed to his feet to go find them. It took him a while to weave his way through the maze of bushes to them especially because they were suspiciously quiet (Well, suspicious for Patton. Virgil was often unnervingly quiet when alone.) Luckily, he knew the bushes enough after all of these years not to get lost and managed to find the two after a few minutes.

“Ah,” he said, immediately identifying the reason for Patton disappearing.

“Logan!” Patton said, his voice excited, but also quieter than normal. “We found a kitty!”

“I can see that,” Logan responded, taking a step closer. The cat hissed at him in response. The hissing was so intense and wild that he’d suspect the thing was feral if it wasn’t happily on Virgil’s lap having had it’s head in Patton’s lap before Logan had approached.

“No,” Virgil told the animal as though it could understand words. “That’s Logan. Be nice.”

The cat still glared at him and swished it’s tail back and forth threateningly. Virgil pet the top of it’s head and it broke eye contact with Logan to purr.

Patton seemed delighted by the purring, reaching to stroke under the thing’s chin carefully. “We should give her a name!” Patton said.

Virgil frowned. “I thought her name was Ghost Kitty.”

“That is ‘Ghost Kitty’?” Logan asked skeptically. From what Patton had said about that cat, it was terrified of people and no one could ever get near it, even him. Now it was in Virgil’s lap?

“But that was a temporary name,” Patton said, “for before we officially met her. Now we have to give her a real name.”

“Do not give it a name,” Logan said. “You will get attached.”

“How do you name a cat?” Virgil asked.

“Do not name it,” Logan said.

“You give them names based on their personalities, how they look, or even just because it’s a cute name,” Patton explained. “Like, remember Mittens? I named her Mittens because she has white fur and black paws!”

Virgil looked at the cat. “She’s completely black,” he said.

Patton hummed. “So, we could give her a name based on that like Midnight or Shadow.”

“Those are fine,” Virgil said.

“No, no,” Patton said. “I’m just giving you examples. You get to name her yourself.”

“This is a bad idea,” Logan said.

“Just throw out some names,” Patton said. “Anything you can think of.”

“Uh,” Virgil said. “Knife.”

“…Just Knife?” Patton asked.

“Nightmare.” Virgil seemed to think about it. “No, that’s mean.”

“How about things you like?” Patton suggested.

“Alfredo?”

Oh no, Logan thought, he was worse than Patton at cat naming.

“Good start,” Patton said. “Logan, do you have any suggestions.”

“Cat,” Logan said.

“Real suggestions,” Patton scolded.

Logan sighed and thought for a moment. “Aphrodite.”

“Catphrodite!”

Logan glared at him. “Helena.”

“Helenpaw.”

“Claudia.”

“Clawdia.”

“Persephone.”

Patton smiled at him, cheerfully.

“…Damnit!”

Patton turned to Virgil again. “Like that! They don’t even have to be serious. Like, uh, you could name her Madam Fluffywuffykins the Great!”

“Do not name her that,” Logan said, scrunching up his nose.

Logan sat on the ground, the cat eyeing him, but no longer hissing. Logan gently guided them towards more sensible names despite Patton trying his hardest to drag them into stupidity.

Virgil still didn’t quite get it. He mostly tried to name it after foodstuff, and often not even appropriate foodstuff such as “Corn” and “Acorn Squash” and “Sandwich” and occasionally would drop in semi violent ones such as “Razor,” “Nightshade” and “Void.” Patton suggested names like “Fluffers,” “Bobette” and “Darling” as well as some that were puns. Logan tried to direct them towards more sensible ones like “Salem” and even went so low as to suggest the contrary “Snowball.”

It quickly seemed to become less about actually naming the cat and more of a game. Patton had taught Virgil about playing with cats and had even gotten out a ball of yarn he cared around for his crafts. Both Virgil and the cat seemed to find endless entertainment with that. Logan hoped Patton had another ball of yarn that color because, he was never going to get that ball back.

The barrage of names fizzled out into naming things around them like “Leaf” and “Bush” until they stopped suggesting names altogether. Patton and Logan sat back and watched Virgil play with the cat.

Logan watched as they stopped playing suddenly and Virgil and the cat squinted at each other. “Marisol,” Virgil said, pulling the name out of nowhere. “That’s her name.” He said it with a certainty that was surprising considering how he’d treated the naming process with confusion and caution earlier. If Logan did not know better, his tone of voice would indicate that the cat, or Marisol he guessed, had gotten bored of them coming up with stupid names and decided to tell him her actual name herself.

The cat made a sound and batted at Virgil’s face without claws to grab back his attention.

He turned back to it and bopped its face with a finger in kind. It attacked his finger, but in a clearly playful matter as it still did not extend it’s claws and its teeth did not draw blood.

“That’s a great name, Virgil,” Patton said.

“Much more pleasant than any that Patton suggested all afternoon,” Logan said. He received an elbow to the side for his quip.

“A pretty name for a pretty kitty,” Patton said, scooting over to where Virgil was sat and attempting to pet Marisol’s head. Marisol, however, was too keyed up and batted at the hand.

“I love you too!” Patton said.

Logan rolled his eyes, but he had long since resigned himself to watching the two of them play with and coo over the cat for the rest of the day.

Eventually, though, it started to get darker. Even after Logan pointed this out, it still took over an hour for them to relent and leave the bush maze to go to the door. The problem was of course, that the cat had managed to grow very attached to Virgil in the last few hours and she followed them all the way to the door with manipulatively heart breaking mews.

“You’ve got to stay out here,” Virgil said, when they got to the castle door. He pet her ear softly and she shoved her head into his hand. “I’m sorry. I don’t have anywhere to put you.” He sounded horribly sad about that fact and Logan felt himself shift uncomfortably. “I basically live in a closet and Logan doesn’t like cats in his room anyway.”

Logan immediately felt unreasonably guilty, probably more so because Logan did not think Virgil was trying to make him feel guilty. “…Bring the dammed thing inside.”

Virgil blinked up at him. “What?”

“It will get cold soon anyway,” Logan said.

He frowned at Logan from where he was crouched. “But you don’t like fur in your room…”

“I will have to find a potion that works,” he said with a sigh, “and we’ll have to say it’s mine to the guards and Father since it will be staying in my room, but it is yours in every other way. That means you are going to feed it, clean it, and clean up after it.”

Virgil nodded immediately and swooped Marisol up in his arms. The cat went without complaint. “Thank you!” he said. “I love her.”

“I know you do,” Logan said, already regretting it already. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to even consider recanting the offer considering how happy Virgil seemed to be. They had a cat now, he guessed.

Chapter 32

“What are you doing?” Helen asked a few minutes after her son walked into the kitchen and started looking around as though he were trying to find something. It was a few hours into the afternoon, and she and a few workers were already prepping for dinner.

“Uh,” Patton said. “Have you seen Virgil?”

“No,” Helen said. “Why.”

“Er… Logan and I sorta, lost him,” Patton said. He was wringing his hands anxiously. Helen put down the knife in her hand.

“What do you mean you lost him?” she asked.

“Well, see, we were trying to teach him how to play hide and seek, um, but then we didn’t think to tell him that he eventually had to come out if we didn’t find him, and now we haven’t seen him since breakfast.”

“He didn’t know what tag is?” she asked. That was just one more thing to add to the list of why Helen worried about Virgil and where he came from. Every morsel of information she’d managed to wring from Patton despite his evasions made her lists of concerns grow larger, even little things like him not knowing about simple childhood games. Actually, thinking of concerning things having to do with Virgil. “Wait, so he hasn’t eaten lunch.”

“Um, we don’t know that,” Patton’s mouth said while his eyes said ‘no.’

“He needs to be on a consistent diet, especially when he’s still taking the malnutrition potion,” she scolded.

“I know, Mama, I know,” Patton said. “I’m trying to find him. I’d kinda hoped he’d gotten hungry and snuck down here. He probably wouldn’t want to risk being caught stealing food though.”

Helen grimaced. Yet another concerning thing.

“Wait! I have an idea, I’ll be right back.” Patton turned and ran out of the room. Helen frowned at the space he’d been and finished chopping the carrot on the cutting board in front of her. If it had been any other person in the castle missing, Helen wouldn’t have worried, but she had literally never seen Virgil without Patton and/or Logan by his side. Even when he’d gone to help Jeff can some fruit, Logan had reportedly hung around to read a book.

Considering that Logan had never exactly been clingy even with Patton, she imagined that either Virgil asked, or Logan thought he should stay with him for his comfort. So, she was surprised that he was apparently hidden away somewhere in the castle where neither of the other kids could find him.

Still thinking about this, she walked over to the entrance to the cellar below the kitchen where they stored most of the vegetables, planning to grab some more carrots. She was confused for a moment when she heard movement from deeper in the pantry. She reached over and touched the panel near the door that controlled the magic lights.

The newly illuminated figure startled as the lights came on, whipping around to stare at her with wide eyes.

“Virgil?” she asked.

“Sorry,” he said immediately, taking a step back.

“It’s fine,” she said immediately, “but what are you doing here?”

He considered her for a long moment, but apparently, she passed some sort of mental test, because he relaxed, at least as much as he’d ever relaxed in her presence. “Where are we?” he asked.

Her brow knit together. “The cellar under the kitchen,” she said, “You don’t know that?”

He shook his head.

“The only entrance is from the kitchen.” Now that she thought about it, she hadn’t seen him go through the kitchen at any point.

“No, it’s not,” Virgil said. “There’s a tunnel.”

“A-a tunnel?” she asked. Actually, taking a closer look at him, he seemed a bit grimy. He had dust all over his front and dirt on his nose. She thought he might even have a couple of cobwebs in his hair.

“Yep,” he said.

“Where’s the tunnel?” she asked.

“It’s right over here,” he said. He took a couple of steps and pointed to the ground. There was an open square hole there that clearly had been made a long time ago but which she had never noticed in all of her time working here.

“How did you find this?” she asked.

“We were playing hide and seek,” Virgil explained. “Logan said I could hide anywhere inside the castle. I hid on top of a dresser upstairs in some unused sitting room. There was a hole in the wall above it, so I climbed into it. Then, I crawled a little bit and it let out into a hidden passage in the walls. I wandered around in it until I found another hole in one of the walls. I thought it was a way out, so I squeezed into it, but it took me to a different hallway where I found an old room. There was a different hole in that room that had probably been covered by something because it was in the floor but whatever it was had rotted away. I crawled though it into a tunnel and came out here.”

She couldn’t help but laugh a bit at his explanation. “Well, it sounds like you went on an adventure,” she said, “but Patton and Logan have been trying to find you. You missed lunch.”

He tilted his head at her. “I know. I was supposed to hide.”

“Yes,” she explained, “but you are supposed to come out at some point if they can’t find you for things like food.”

“Oh,” he said.

“They probably should have explained,” she said. “For now, why don’t we get you something to eat? You must be hungry.”

Virgil frowned. “But I missed lunch.”

“You can still eat even though it’s not in normal hours,” she said. “You could even if you had made it to lunch.”

“Really?” he asked, he looked tragically confused by this offer.

“Of course, sweetie,” she said. “In fact, I insist you get something good to eat right now. How about I made you a grilled ham and cheese sandwich? Maybe some cookies too!”

Virgil titled his head. “You are Patton’s mother,” he stated.

Helen laughed softly. “He gets its all from me,” she said. “We should probably go find him and tell him you’re okay. He was worried.”

“I didn’t mean to worry him,” Virgil said with a frown.

“I know,” Helen said. “It’s okay. He’ll probably laugh when he figures out where you’ve been, and Logan will interrogate you all about the secret passageways.” He seemed happy about the prospect of seeing his friends. “Come on, let’s go upstairs for a bit,” she said.

Chapter 33

Patton’s mom had already made Virgil sit down at the small table in the corner of the kitchen and had handed him a sandwich by the time Patton barreled into the kitchen, Logan coming after him at a more sedate pace.

“Virgil!” he said, sounding surprised and relieved.

“Patton,” Patton’s mom scolded. “No cats in the kitchen.” Patton had brought Marisol in with him and had let her go as soon as he’d seen Virgil. She immediately plodded over to him and hoped onto the table to sniff at his face in greeting.

“But she’s the princess!” Patton argued.

“No,” Logan said.

“Yes, she is!” Patton said.

“The stupid cat is not a princess.”

“Don’t be mean to your little sister, Logan.”

“I regret every life decision that has led me to this point.”

While Logan and Patton were distracted squabbling and Patton’s mom was distracted watching them squabble, Virgil tore off a bit of the ham in his sandwich and offered it to Marisol. Marisol gracefully took it from his grip and ate it.

“So, this is Logan’s new cat I’ve been hearing about?” Patton’s mom asked.

“Indeed,” Logan said, his lips thinned. He and Marisol were mostly amicable when alone with just them and Virgil, but Patton had a habit of cooing over the kitten and needling Logan into being irritated.

“Mmm, yeah,” Patton’s mom said. She glanced over at Virgil right as Marisol basically slammed her face into his chin in a bid to get pets. “Your cat.” She shook her head. “But Princess Kitten or not, I do not want fur in dinner,” she said.

“Sorry,” Patton said, honestly not sounding sorry at all. Virgil was always a bit surprised when the insolent shrug garnered nothing more that a scowl that did not reach Patton’s mom’s eyes. “I thought she could help me find Virgil, but you already found him.” He turned to Virgil. “Where have you been all day?”

“Found a tunnel,” Virgil said. He had to use one hand to hold Marisol back from his sandwich as he took another bite, but then gave her a bite of cheese.

“You found what?” Logan asked.

“There’s a tunnel under the cellar,” Virgil said. “It goes to an old closed up room and also to a set of secret passageways.” It was a bit of a security risk honestly, though clearly no one had used it in years by how dirty it was. He did plan to go back into it and make sure the sprawling tunnels didn’t go to anywhere more dangerous like the royal wing.

“A closed-up room?” Logan said. He could see a bit of curiosity already building in his eyes.

“Yeah,” Virgil said. “Where the door used to be seemed like it had been bricked over.”

“Really? Can you show me.”

“Sure,” Virgil answered.

“Ah, perhaps we should be a bit more cautious about climbing through random tunnels we don’t know the stability of,” Patton’s mom said.

Logan’s frown edged on a pout.

“Talk to your father,” she said. “I’m sure he can get someone who understands these things so you can safely investigate.”

“It was safe enough for Virgil,” Logan pointed out.

“No, Logan.”

He sighed but seemed to concede. That was another strange thing about living here. By all rights Logan didn’t have to obey anyone except the king, but he often listened to those around him, not just the adults but Patton as well. It was interesting though it sometimes made the hierarchy hard to figure out. Virgil did sometimes stress out about the hypothetical situation where he got conflicting orders from two people, and he wouldn’t know which one to obey. So far it hadn’t been a problem luckily. They always seemed to work it out amongst themselves in some give and take social interaction that was a bit too complex for him to understand.

Patton walked over to where Virgil was sitting. “I’m glad your safe,” he said. “We should probably put a time limit on hide and seek in the future, so you know when to come out.”

“Did I win?” Virgil asked. He’d honestly forgotten they’d been playing a game until Patton’s mom had asked how he’d found his way into the cellar.

Patton laughed. “I’d say so, yeah,” he replied. He leaned over to kiss Virgil’s forehead, but drew back immediately with a pinched expression. “You are… very dirty,” he said, rubbing his mouth.

Virgil nodded. “Your mom made me sit on a tablecloth,” he said gesturing to the fabric she’d laid over the chair.

Patton snorted out a laugh. “We’ll get you into the bath when you’re done eating and you can tell us all about your little adventure.”

“I would also like to hear about your discoveries,” Logan said. “Though you are not allowed to sit on the bed until you do not have spider webs in your hair.”

Patton’s eyes widened and he jumped away from Virgil, startling both Virgil and Marisol. The latter hopped from the table onto Virgil’s lap. “Spiders?!”

Virgil tilted his head at him in confusion.

“He isn’t a fan of spiders,” Logan informed him, his voice amused at Patton’s reaction.

Apparently deciding that she was no longer startled, but more confused by the noises Patton had just made, Marisol jumped out of Virgil’s lap to investigate, wrapping her way around Patton’s legs. He bent down to pat her back, though he still looked a bit startled.

“Your cat, huh?” Patton’s mom asked Logan once again. Virgil studied her. She had apparently missed Logan mentioning that he allowed Virgil on the bed. Or perhaps Logan was correct in his insistence that it wasn’t actually that big of a deal here. Virgil would rather not test that assumption, however, so was glad that it had been distracted from by Patton’s outburst.

“Creepy, crawly death dealers,” Patton mumbled into Marisol’s fur, having picked her back up. Virgil made a note to not inform Patton of all of the different types of spiders he’d seen skittering around in the castle walls today. Maybe he’d talk about them with Logan once Patton left. He’d probably be interested. Virgil had seen some he’d never seen before! Logan probably could even help him figure out what their names were. “You’ll protect me, won’t you kitty?” Patton asked Marisol.

She made a little ‘burrrr’ sound in response, which Patton seemed to take a confirmation.

“Aw thank you, baby! Such a good baby.”

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Virgil popped the rest of the sandwich into his mouth. Patton’s mom turned away and grabbed a plate stacked with cookies. She handed it to Logan. “Take these, and please get the health hazards out of my kitchen,” she requested.

Logan took them without complaint. “Come on, Virgil,” he said. “Let’s go get you clean.”

“We’re going to need so much soap,” Patton said.

Virgil looked down at himself. “I can go outside and get most of it off if you get me a bucket of water,” he offered.

“Virgil, it’s below freezing,” Logan said as though that had a baring on what he’d just said. Logan sighed. “No. Bathtub.” Virgil shrugged. “Honestly,” Logan said. He turned with the plate of cookies in his hand, clearly expecting to be followed. “You’re not going to catch your death pouring a bucket of water over yourself in the cold when there are literally over a hundred perfectly good bathtubs in this castle. For goodness sakes.” And well, Virgil wasn’t going to complain.

Chapter 34

Patton, to be completely honest, was not all that interested in the room that Virgil had found. Beyond just the fact that it would definitely have creepy crawly death dealers in it, he really did not understand the intrigue. If it had just been him, he probably would have just let a castle worker deal with it, but it was not just him. Logan was ecstatic with the prospect of investigating a secret in the castle. People who didn’t know him well may not believe it considering he spent most of his time with his nose in a book, but he was an adventurer at heart.

Thomas had been easily swayed into finding someone to help tear down part of the wall into the secret tunnel near the room (so no one would have to crawl through the kitchen cellar like Virgil). It had taken a few days, however, and Logan was practically bouncing off the walls waiting. Virgil, despite having already seen the room before, also seemed excited, though if that was because of his own curiosity or because he was just excited that Logan seemed so exited remained to be seen.

“They are silly, aren’t they,” Patton asked Princess Marisol. He was laying on his stomach on Logan’s bed and Princess Marisol had just put her little paw on his nose.

“Yes, I agree,” he said. “Don’t they know that we’re literally going to be 2 feet away from the normal hallway?”

“It is not silly,” Logan defended himself. “Any number of things could go wrong.” He sounded far too excited about the prospect of something going terribly wrong. “The tunnels could cave in and block off the exit or there could be some unknown pathogen in the air.”

Patton did not ruin his fun by mentioning that Logan’s dad had definitely basically baby proofed the tunnels for them ahead of time. Instead, he just said, “Don’t let Virgil hear you say that sort of thing. It will just stress him out.”

“Yes, yes, of course,” he said, waving off Patton’s concerns as he mulled over two different weird green planty things (potion ingredients, Patton assumed) before setting one aside and sticking the other in his bag.

“So silly,” Patton cooed at the cat. Logan let out a huff but did not choose to say anything about it this time.

Speaking of silly, Virgil came back from Logan’s bathroom then, and Patton tried not to giggle. “Is this right?” Virgil asked, sounding and looking confused. Logan, in his overexcitement about adventure had commissioned Virgil an outfit that actually fit. Said outfit, however, very much made it look more like Virgil was going on a safari instead of a two-foot detour from the normal castle hallway.

“Almost,” Logan said, “Here, let me.” Logan started straightening everything out and flattening the collar, reminding Patton of an overbearing parent on picture day. Virgil accepted the fussing without protest. It was adorable. Well, the outfit was ridiculous, but still, adorable. “There,” Logan said. “I think we’re ready to go now.”

It was about time. Patton was sure people were already waiting for them downstairs. Patton got up and patted Princess Marisol on the head. She looked up at them with interest.

“You can stay here, sweetie,” Patton told here. She seemed to consider it and then hopped down from the bed to go rub up against Virgil.

Patton guessed she was coming. It didn’t matter too much since Logan had given her a magical collar that allowed her to open most doors in the castle and everyone knew she was the royal cat now, so if she decided she wanted to come back to the room and nap, she could. (She was very aware of the power she held.)

She pranced happily by Virgil’s side all the way down the steps to the first floor of the castle. She was such a good kitty.

Well, she did hiss angrily at everyone who came too close to them, but still, a very good kitty.

Patton did lean down and pick her up so they could actually talk to the man waiting for them at the large hole in the wall. Logan went to talk to the castle worker while Virgil half hid behind Patton. He was clearly listening very intently to the conversation however, at least more intently than Patton was. Patton was busy shaking his head fondly.

“Yes, yes, Princess,” he said to the cat. “I know we do not trust the strangers, but I promise this stranger is perfectly safe.”

“How do you know?” Virgil asked.

“His name is Chester and I’ve known him since I was 9.”

This seemed to slightly alleviate Virgil’s suspicion, but Princess Marisol still seemed antsy. Patton really needed to start slowly introducing the both of them to more people.

Logan finished talking with Chester after a few moments and it was time to climb through the hole in the wall. He wished he saw in the tunnel whatever Logan with his excited eyes and bounce to his step obviously saw. Or even that was more comfortable in the dark closed in space as Virgil obviously was. As it was, Patton’s nose scrunched up at the thought off all of the spiders that could be living everywhere in the secret tunnel, but he pushed through.

The entrance to the tunnel had been made only a little bit from the room Virgil had mentioned and Chester had led them through it after only a couple of seconds. As Patton had suspected, the room was already lit up and probably cleaned a little bit by the people who had cut into the wall, not that he was complaining.

Virgil was still clinging a bit to Patton’s shirt, though it seemed to be less out of anxiety at this point and more out of a desire to stick close. He was peering around curiously at the lit-up space. He probably hadn’t seen much of it in the dark when he’d been here before.

Yet, his curiosity was nothing compared to how excited Logan seemed to be. Now Patton may have not been interested in the room itself, but he was entertained by how interested Logan was and was happy to encourage that.

“What do you think this place is?” he asked Logan.

Logan hummed contemplatively, eyes looking around. “Well,” he said. “It’s a bedroom clearly, and old. Considering the location it is in in the castle, the size, the decorations, and it’s likely age, I’d imagine it was a bedroom of a royal family member. This used to be the royal wing three royal lines ago.”

“Bearing that in mind, there are a couple of likely possibilities for the origin of the room as well as the reason it was sealed up, but we will need to investigate more in order to come to an actual conclusion.” He had already placed the bag he’d brought on the ground and was going through it, pulling out things that Patton did not recognize. He also got a piece of paper and sat on the floor to start to sketch.

“What are you doing?” Virgil asked.

“I’m sketching the floorplan of the room,” Logan said. “I will then put a grid on it so we can investigate while being sure that we aren’t missing anything.”

Virgil seemed uninterested in this part of the adventure, instead electing to go poking around by himself. Princess Marisol squirmed out of Patton’s arms to go follow him. Patton swore that he only looked away from those two for 5 seconds, but the next thing he knew he heard metal clicking against metal.

“Oh,” Patton said, eyes wide when he saw what Virgil was fiddling with. “Honey, you probably shouldn’t touch…”

The old but fancy looking chest that had been at the end of the remains of the bed creaked open. Virgil sneezed as a cloud of dust puffed out of it. “Huh,” he said studying the contents. “There’s a skull in here.”

“Oh, I don’t like this adventure anymore,” Patton commented.

Logan was on his feet within moments. “Let me see,” he said eagerly.

“What if it’s cursed?” Patton pointed out.

“Then I’ll just break the curse,” Logan waved him off. “Oh, it’s just a horse skull,” Logan said, sounding disappointed. “And also what seemed to be potion ingredients. Though they seem very fresh considering the state of the room.”

“Maybe we should get someone else to…”

Logan already had both arms inside the chest and was pulling things out of it. “This chest must have some sort of stasis effect to it.”

He started pulling things out to look at them before setting them on the floor with no caution. “Well,” he said, “that answers the question of what this room is.”

“It does?” Patton asked.

“Ah, yes, between the horse skull and the potion ingredients, this is obviously the bedroom of Princess Marianne Elicia. She was the third child of King Simon IV and was quite the fan of horses.”

“…So she kept a horse skull in a stasis chest in her bedroom?” Patton asked.

“Of course,” Logan said. “Back when her family was in power, magic was outlawed and had quite the stigma against it, but she ended up learning magic and become quite proficient.”

“It’s debated what exactly happened when her father found out about her activities. Some sources say that she was executed silently by her father, but others say she managed to escape with the head of the stables but not before putting a curse on the country of Prijaznia. That is until she or one of her bloodline sits on the throne, every royal line will end in madness and blood by the 5th seated monarch before an heir is born.”

“Isn’t that something you should be worried about?” Virgil asked.

Logan shrugged. “It’s just a myth,” he said. “Besides I’m 6th in the line, so there really isn’t any concern.”

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“There are a lot of interesting things in here,” Logan said, still focused on the chest. “Not to mention the books. We’ll have to be careful with those though since they don’t appear to be in stasis.”

Logan pulled the horse skull out and set it on the floor making Patton wince.

“Marisol no!” he said as Princess Marisol immediately went to go sniff at it. He swooped her up in his arms. “How long are we staying in this creepy room?” Patton asked.

“Patton, we just got here,” Logan said.

“We just got here and already found a skull!”

“Yes! Exactly!”

Patton groaned into Princess Marisol’s fur even as she tried wiggle away to go back and investigate the skull. This was going to be a long day.

Chapter 35

Logan was surprised when he woke up alone in bed. He’d grown to anticipate waking to a smaller body unrelentingly clinging to his in the past couple of weeks. Confused he sat up and peered around his bedroom. He wouldn’t have seen Virgil with the way he melted into the darkness if it he hadn’t heard the sound of purring coming from near the window. He could just barely make out a dark blob shifting up and down at the cat kneaded at a different blob sitting mostly hidden behind the thick curtain.

“Virgil?” Logan questioned. “What are you doing?”

“It’s snowing,” was the answer.

“That is not an answer,” Logan grumbled at the ceiling. With a sigh, he pulled himself out of bed. It was a bit chilly in here, he thought. The temperature must have dipped suddenly and intensely enough that the runes keeping the castle at a warm enough temperature hadn’t caught up yet. He pulled one of the blankets off of the top of his bed to wrap around his shoulders as he approached the window. There wasn’t much light outside, the stars and moon covered by clouds, but there were some lanterns lit for the night guard who patrolled the outside. “Oh,” he said in surprise. “It’s really snowing.”

It had been colder but not quite cold enough for snow to stick the day before, so it came as a surprise when he saw snow was piling up quite high to the point where familiar paths outside his window had disappeared.

“I don’t like it,” Virgil informed him.

“Why not?” Logan asked.

“It’s cold,” Virgil answered. It was clear in his tone that in Virgil’s opinion ‘cold’ was a horrible insult to the concept of snow. Logan quirked a half smile and his attention was drawn to the fact that it was quite cold right here close to the window.

#proofread stories #not writing

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waywardrose · 4 years

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On Babbushka

There is a group of well-known writers in the fandom who have been discouraged and put down by one of their own, Zannah - @babbushka. It happens behind the scenes in DMs. It happens in posts and tags.

In DMs, she has started conversations with seemingly innocent questions. When she doesn't receive the response she was aiming for, she diverts the conversation to criticizing and humiliating the person. She has attacked writers for tagging—or not tagging—a post in a way she deems appropriate. She has gotten into arguments over how characters were portrayed and then tried to claim victimization when the other person wouldn't knuckle under.

She will appeal to her following to attack any fan or creator who has an opinion that differs from her own. She will encourage friends to send rude anons. Those same friends will also DM the target with rude remarks.

Several creators have stopped writing altogether because of their interactions with her.

We are tired of being discouraged. We are tired of being talked down to. We are tired of being bullied. Enough is enough. Under the cut we share our stories, let the chips fall where they may. It's up to you, the reader, to decide whether to support her.

We can only warn up-and-coming writers, artists, fans, and supporters of her behavior.

Hope - @callmehopeless

The Australian bushfires of the 2019-2020 season were nightmarish—for those living through it and those witnessing. As the season went on, cries for help increased. Joaquin Phoenix used the time during his Best-Actor acceptance speech at the Golden Globes to call for unity, action, and accountability. Regardless of what we may think of him, it was a thoughtful speech.

Hope, who is an Australian, found Mr. Phoenix's message encouraging and reblogged a gifset of his speech.

That morning, Zannah made a post about Mr. Phoenix's shady past and his association with a known sexual predator. The main reason wasn't because his speech was inappropriate or not timely, but because she didn't think he should be the one to get the attention over other actors who had spoken of the bushfires during the Golden Globes.

While Hope confessed she was scared of the bushfires, scared for her loved ones, Zannah was more concerned with purity. To Zannah it was about the face of the message, not the message itself. It didn't matter that Mr. Phoenix was amplifying support for Australia, what did matter was that he had done bad things.

It was virtue signaling on Zannah's part.

Still, this remains a complicated argument. Can a person who has done bad things actually have something positive to add to a cause? Should we listen to a problematic person if they share an insight? Does it reflect poorly on us to agree with their isolated statement? Will we be canceled, too? What about the bigger picture?

In this case, the bigger picture was hundreds of homes were destroyed in the bushfires and families were displaced. People died, thousands of animals died. And it was because of climate change. Mr. Phoenix called for his rich peers to examine their respective lifestyles and to give back.

Yes, Mr. Phoenix has done bad things. Yes, he has associated with people who have done bad things. His words resonated with people on Tumblr, and they reblogged part of his speech. He said something that gave Hope hope.

Hope was asked by a third party how they could help. She came back with a resource guide for those who wanted to send aid to Australians.

When it became obvious Zannah wouldn't silence Hope, Zannah decided to sub-post about the interaction. There, she accused Hope of being a rape apologist for reblogging a gifset and finding a little comfort in it. Zannah placed her ego before someone who was facing a very real danger.

Side-eying an actor is one thing, shaming a person you know for finding solace during a scary time is another. Hope isn't responsible for which voice got picked up. The only "colors" being shown here are Zannah's. She put her own concerns about being perceived as morally pure above actually supporting a friend.

I'll keep this brief - I knew Zannah for many years. And on one of the lowest weeks of my life, when my suburb was burning down and I feared for my family: she convinced me I was a rape apologist for sharing Joaquin Phoenix's speech asking for action on bushfires. In all my life, I never felt more alone. To add insult to injury, she then posted memes mocking me - something that has stuck with me to this day.

I've had dear friends quit the fandom because of her kinkshaming. I've had people I love message me distraught over what she's said.

Enough is enough.

— @callmehopeless

Rose - @the-wayward-rose

This PM exchange started after I tagged my reblog of Zannah's fic Feast (Cameron Bistle x Reader) with cw: white reader. I had been on her taglist, and I wanted to show support because I liked the fic overall. For context, the reason for my tag is because of this sentence:

"But then you're blushing so pretty and squeezing his hand affectionately and reaching for the handle to the passenger side of his car, and then you're laughing when he swats your hand away to open it for you, and then you're beckoning him down as if to ask a question – only to place a chaste kiss to his lips instead."

This is from Cameron's point of view.

She asked the reason for the tag, and I explained it was because of the use of "blush" to describe Reader's appearance.

She misunderstood my premise. I did not mean only white people blush.

According to Merriam-Webster, blush means "a reddening of the face especially from shame, modesty, or confusion" or "a red or rosy tint."

It is an autonomic response, though. It happens in all humans for body cooling and nonverbal communication. The main problem with using it universally is that melanin obscures the appearance of said autonomic response.

Here's an example of three runners:

The two pale women, left and center, are pink in the face. They are blushing. The woman of color on the right is likely blushing, too. However, the melanin in her skin obscures the blood in her cheeks. She is not pink.

That's the pitfall of the word "blush." The observer can't always see it. We know what it feels like. We all do it. The face and/or neck gets hot. The use of "blush" is shorthand in narrative, and I understand that. Nevertheless, when writing to cater to a reader-insert audience of unknown heritage, writers need to consider describing with universal terms.

Again, she misunderstood my premise. I clarified by asking how Cameron sees the Reader blush under an abundance of melanin:

She sidestepped the physiological explanation to go straight for justification. She tried to legitimize "blush" as "perhaps [this]" or "perhaps [that]" when I stated earlier that blush by definition is pink or is to redden. That's the logic. A noncommittal, covering-all-the-bases, complicated defense diluted the conversation.

With her earlier "I have friends of color, hence I can't be exclusionary" statement, I wasn't sure she would get my point. I take full responsibility for not explaining, too. I should've asked for some time to gather my thoughts, but I didn't. Truthfully, I was unprepared, because I didn't think my insignificant tag would be an issue.

Also, I was confused why she was trying to police my blog.

Her replies came rapidly—before I could mention my confusion—and felt aggressive in the moment. Maybe that wasn't her intention, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

That doesn't take away from the fact that words have meaning. It's why we use specific words. It's not understood in the narrative that her use of "blush" could mean a bunch of things. If I had known, I wouldn't have tagged as I did. How is a reader of color supposed to know that? How does Cameron see Reader's blush if she has darker skin?

As writers, we don't know who is reading. Someone could be very pale or very dark. A person with medium-toned skin can turn a shade of pink or red. A person with darker-toned skin will not. We can't assume all readers are medium to pale. We need to develop better writing skills. We have to include everyone.

Readers of color > White-writer feelings

When I stood my ground, she doubled down, stating I made no sense in my tagging and that I lacked the ability to learn from her. She then diverted the argument, attacking a ficlet I wrote a few days beforehand—which had nothing to do with this argument. The Christian imagery in that ficlet was upsetting to her and "in such poor taste" because she headcanons Flip Zimmerman (BlacKkKlansman) is 100% culturally and ethnically Jewish.

Flip stated in the movie:

"I'm Jewish, but I wasn't raised to be. It wasn't part of my life. I never thought much about being Jewish. Nobody around me was Jewish. I wasn't going to a bunch of Bar Mitzvahs. I didn't have a Bar Mitzvah. I was just another white kid. And now I'm in some basement denying it out loud[...] I never thought much about it. Now I'm thinking about it all the time. About rituals and heritage. Is that passing? Well then, I have been passing."

By his own admission, Flip is ethnically Jewish, but not culturally. These are two separate things, and that should be recognized. While Judaism is ethnically and culturally entwined in ways that other religions are not, one does not equate the other. You can be one and not the other.

At the time, I didn't want her to sic her 3000+ followers on me. I wasn't going to argue further. I asked myself if the ficlet was important and worth anon-hate and realized, no, it wasn't. It was a throw-away.

And since I'm not culturally Jewish, maybe I had misstepped. And since Zannah is both culturally and ethnically Jewish, I asked for her guidance.

She flatly refused my request. I don't know how I was supposed to learn from her if she wouldn't teach me.

It sounded as if she wanted me to delete the whole fic. Like none of it was worth saving because it hadn't been Zannah-approved. I had gone against her headcanon, and the fic was too offensive to fix.

The last sentence was supposed to cover her back from criticism, and it placed all the responsibility on me. Obviously, she was above such petty concerns as someone else's blog or writing. Never mind that she had just attempted to get me to change my tagging system and rewrite my ficlet. On my blog.

Later, I figured out she was only criticizing and not offering a constructive critique. Her argument was not in good faith. It was retaliation for not giving her the obedience she thought she was owed.

This is the passage that offended her:

"It’s because of the way he fucks you. Like it’s confession—though he’s never been much of a church-going man. Every touch, every thrust, is a truth between you. Even when it’s rough and greedy. It feels like flagellation when you claw his back. He wears the sin proudly."

This is what I edited it to:

"It’s because of the way he fucks you. Every touch, every thrust, is a truth between you. Even when it’s rough and greedy. It feels like flagellation when you claw his back. He wears your marks proudly."

Yeah, I'm not pleased with the revised passage. It's lost its teeth, but I keep it.

The anonymous message(s) she mentioned weren't very anonymous, either. Unfortunately, I've since deleted the two messages. I had apologized to Anon for disappointing them. I said that if the fic was too much, they should unfollow and block me. I meant that in a self-care way. At the same time, I did not—and do not—owe anyone discourse. I don't have to explain my art when it doesn't hurt anyone. And no one was hurt by some purportedly misplaced religious imagery.

I have been silent about this since late January/early February. I was embarrassed. I had been bullied into changing my blog and my fic by someone who proclaims to never do anything of the sort. I had been a fool. Since this conversation with her, I have been blocked/blacklisted by third-parties, most likely at her behest, when none of this exchange had been necessary.

Kassanovella - @kylorengarbagedump

Zannah's followers have asked her about Kassanovella’s Fix Your Attitude. For context, it's currently one of the most kudo-ed fics for Kylo Ren x Reader on AO3. It had a bit of a renaissance earlier in 2020 because a TikToker wrote a song for it.

There is nothing wrong with not wanting to read a fic. If the subject matter doesn't work for a reader, they don't have to partake. Easy as that. So, these tags aren't a problem.

However, it led to this...

She lashed out, calling Kassanovella's fic a joke. A joke.

She implied her fics should be as popular as Kassanovella's because she works really hard on them. She admitted she's tied to the metrics. She implied she wouldn't be writing fic if not for the external validation.

Here's the thing about fanfic: readers like what they like. They don't care about a writer's effort. They only know what works for them. They comment and give kudos, reblog and like what they connect with. That is not under the writer's control. All a writer can do is try their best and concentrate on what they're passionate about.

To bash another writer's fic because it's popular is disrespectful. This whole bitter rant drips of entitlement and is an affront to Kassanovella.

Some time later, an incident happened in a chatroom during a streaming event for veterans by Arts In the Armed Forces (Adam Driver's organization). At least one fan brought up Fix Your Attitude while waiting for Mr. Driver to make an appearance. They were also disrespectful towards the other presenters by demanding to see Mr. Driver. It caused a big stink within the fandom, and Zannah had some choice words.

While mentioning the fic during the livestream was inappropriate, it was also inappropriate to throw all fans of the fic under the bus as she did in her tag. Sweeping generalizations and incriminations of a subset of fans certainly reads as if she resents those fans for a perceived slight.

Next, Zannah made an earlier disparaging comment about Kassanovella's fic, Little Bird. Unfortunately, that comment is lost. However, the messages supporting the comment remain. (For context, Little Bird is a Kylo Ren x Reader The Handmaid's Tale AU. It has been well received in the fandom, earning thousands of kudos on AO3.)

What an author wants to write about and sexualize is their business. Fantasizing about being dominated by Kylo Ren isn't cringe. It's a sexual fantasy. Some sexual fantasies can be disturbing to those who do not share the same kink.

Sexual fantasies are like ice cream. There's a reason why there are different flavors.

Also, "I will never ever be a person that tells an author what to do or not do" is an absolute lie. As evident in this post, Zannah most definitely tells authors what to do or not do.

Again, she bashes Kassanovella, claiming her writing isn't good. Her motivation for bashing Kassanovella can only be speculation. With Zannah's previously stated opinion of Fix Your Attitude, though, it indicates a certain level of negative emotions.

Anonymous

An anonymous person came forward with a case of Zannah policing their blog. Anon has a sideblog for their personal AU with Flip Zimmerman. They reblog gifsets and post headcanons. They were an enthusiastic fan of Zannah's and reblogged a few of the gifset she made. Anon tagged their reactions, and Zannah blocked them for it.

Anon went to Zannah and asked why they were blocked, because all they wanted to do was have fun and support fellow Flip lovers.

Anon was under the impression that because they were shipping themselves, and not Zannah, with Flip, she blocked them. Their personal AU doesn't align with Zannah's headcanon that she alone is married to this character and has his children.

While Zannah's reply may sound innocent, and perhaps it is, it also speaks to someone who has set herself up as the owner of Flip Zimmerman. (Wait until Spike Lee or the real Ron Stallworth hears about that...) It appears that if a fan does not comply with the Zannah-approved headcanon, where only she is married to Flip, that fan shall be blocked. If a fan uses tags on their blog that she does not approve of, that fan will be blocked.

Zannah's policing is disturbing. Going into a blog to look for something as a reason to block is disturbing. Any fan is allowed to use any tag on their blog how they wish. If the OP has said their post can be reblogged, how a reblogger tags is beyond the OP's control. To punish that reblogger for not behaving in a way she finds acceptable is uncalled for and unjust.

Anonymous

Backstory: Zannah does not view Ben Solo's arc in the Star Wars sequel trilogy as acceptable canon. However, she does view the story she created for Flip Zimmerman in BlacKkKlansman as completely canon.

This is not the first time she has been asked to clarify her position. Nor is it the first time she has avoided giving an on-topic response. A question asked in good faith should be responded to in kind.

If a creator doesn't want to address the issue, they can state that they don't. Deflecting from the question only muddies the waters. Fans feel dismissed. The creator feels hounded, and comes across as irritated and unapproachable. No one has a positive fandom experience.

There is nothing wrong with having a headcanon. What is wrong is Zannah mandating her headcanon for Flip on the whole fandom. As evident in this post, if a fan does not comply with her headcanon, they will be summarily blocked.

Also, there is nothing wrong with rejecting canon. Writers of transformative works have always done this. The problem is shaming fans who have accepted canon while not offering justification for that shaming. A creator saying they "can't help them" is the creator washing their hands of responsibility from articulating their thoughts when they themselves began criticizing the canon in the first place.

Again, this is a bad-faith argument. Creators can't ask for discussion and attention and then get mad when their viewpoints are challenged. Just because a discussion isn't going a creator's way doesn't mean it's an attack, either. It means people want clarification, and if one criticizes, they should be able to back up their criticisms.

While sharing our stories has been freeing, it's not our aim as fellow fans to cancel Zannah. We would hope she would take the opportunity to reflect on the damage she has done to the fandom. We hope we all can move forward with a more approachable and supportive scene.

No one person speaks for our fandom. The actions of one fan do not represent the entire fandom. Whether creator or consumer, you are welcome here.

[posted July 25, 2020]

#babbushka #reader insert #flip zimmerman x reader #kylo ren x reader

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allthe8 · 4 years

Text

All I Need // part i

description: you know Jisung needs you and he shows you that he does, until he doesn’t.

warnings: angst, smut, explicit language, problematic Jisung:/

word count: 2.2k

pov: Jisung’s

She was back, I could feel it, the sheer euphoria coursing through my veins at the thought of her mere presence, I was starting to forget I was even mad at her-I couldn't even remember why she had felt but I did the remember the day she did-the memory was a blur, my mind had repressed it, the thought of being away from her made me feel like I was being cut off from my lifeline. I should've understood why she would want to leave but I didn't want to, without her I felt lost and I absolutely hated the pathetic feeling in the pit of my stomach when I was away from her for too long.

She had called it "needing space" and "wanting to be her own person", the irrational part of me called bullshit thinking she was just trying to leave me while the rational part could see clearly why she would want to and I hated myself for pushing her so much, that was in August-it was October now but she was back, here-sitting on my bed in a baby blue sundress that had ridden up her thigh from how she was crossing one leg over the other.

She had yet to notice my presence in the doorway of my bedroom, consumed by whatever it is she was looking at on her phone "You're back" I finally speak making her snap her head in my direction immediately standing up, it was then I noticed how tan her skin had gotten all from soaking up the Mediterranean sun. I tried to keep my eyes on hers as she walked towards me but it turned into a daunting task with the way her breasts were almost spilling out of her sundress, I didn't want her to know I hadn't been with anyone since she had left, just the company of my hand and the numerous pictures and videos I had on my phone of her post climax state, she would think I was touched starved so I stared at the window behind her feigning anger.

"You're late" I noticed her visibly flinch at that, she watched my face intently searching for signs of anger but I knew she'd find none. "I know, I-I'm so-rry" she said slowly, about 15 seconds passed without any of us saying anything, that was when she reached for my arm-caressing it with her thumb. "I missed you, Ji" she looks into my eyes, "Why do you sound so weird?" the words were out of my mouth before I could stop them, "I haven't spoken any English since I left" she informs me. "You didn't miss me?" she asks and I almost start stuttering but she's not used to me being this vulnerable and I have to remind myself that I'm the one in control here-that's what she's used to-being acquiescent.

"I never wanted you to leave" I grumble and that's when the dynamics of our relationship begin to show, "I-I told you I needed space, Jisung" she whispers but I catch on to it.

"Fuck that, you were just trying to leave me and you're only back because you feel some sort of resentment masked with pity towards me"

"Why do you always think that? I'm here, aren't I?" she bites back skillfully avoiding the second part of what I said.

"That's not enough, you said you'd be gone for a month and I waited for you, just when I started to get use to not having you around you want to waltz back into my life like it's nothing".

"It's not like that and you know it" she chokes out, about to cry.

"Enlighten me then? No Spanish cock could fill you up like I can? Is that it?" I taunt, knowing the words were just spilling out of my mouth at this point, what was the use in stopping. "No! Is that what you really think of me?" she shrieks. "You know damn well what I think of you, y/n”. “You knew what I thought when you left but it didn't stop you". She looks at me through her teary eyes like she's about to burst any second, "Wow" she laughs even with the tears spilling down her face, "Coming back, I honestly didn't know what to expect but it definitely wasn't this, I'm gon-" she makes a move to walk past me and out of the room but she's soon pressed against the wall by my body weight.

"Where the fuck are you going again? Why are you always trying to leave me?!" I bark, “Let go of me, Ji” she spat but I refused "Get off of me you asshole, you clearly don't want me here" she fights back-her small frame writhing under my bigger one, with time she starts to calm down with her hands pinned over her head with my right hand, I bring my other hand to meet her cheek. "I always want you around, I missed you so much, my search history will show me booking and cancelling flights" I whisper, "I needed you here with me" I say before pressing my lips to hers.

She responds immediately and I drop her hands down-grabbing her by her waist, slightly pushing my tongue in her mouth just wanting to get a taste of her, I tried to hard to stop myself from ravaging her like a starved man but all my efforts are in vein when she whimpers into my mouth making pull away from her, "We don't have to-" I start cut my morality speech is cut of by her dropping to her knees and attempting to tug my sweatpants down. I watch her in awe, completely mesmerized by her beauty, almost missing that she has completely freed my cock from it's confines and is now swirling her tongue around the angry red tip.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" I start chanting as she takes me deeper into her mouth, my mind starts to wonder where she learnt to do this but the thought is shoved down when I feel the head of my cock hit the back of her throat making her gag. "Yes" I drawl out "Good girl, you're a good girl, my good girl, you just like acting up" I say pulling her hair up into a makeshift ponytail, my lack of a proper fuck starts to show when she takes on of my balls and sucks on it, "Shit, no, stop! stop!" I say as I feel my abs tightening not wanting to feel the embarrassment of cumming from a mere blowjob. Immediately she's on her feet, "Did I do something wrong?" she asks looking up at me as I tuck my dick back into my pants.

"No angel, you were perfect, I just want to show you how much I missed you" I tell her, trailing my fingers up her inner thigh but when I'm met with only the feeling of her soaked core, I lose it. "Where are your fucking panties" I growl in her ear ghosting a finger over her clit. "The-I-" "What explanation could you possibly have for not wearing panties" I pull back and watch her face intently as I push my middle finger into her opening, "Fuck, you're still so tight" I whisper.

"Tell me, didn't you find anyone in Madrid to fuck your needy little cunt open?" I taunt, earning a whimper from her, "No! I-I haven't be-been with anyone since our last time!" the last part of her sentence is squealed due to me adding another finger, "So what do you want me to do now?" I ask basking in the way she's writhing and whimpering beneath me, she looks at me with her big doe eyes, knowing I know what she wants. "Don't look at me like that, I should be punishing you for breaking your promise right now" I say pushing my fingers deeper causing my palm to rub on her bud, "P-please don't punish me! I'll be good, I promise!" she nearly weeps, "But didn't you also promise you'd be back in September?" I egg her on, "I know! I'm sorry! I'll be so good". "Yes you fucking will" I grit.

"Get on the bed. On all fours" I commanded and watched as she did as I said, the baby blue sundress bunching at her waist, she was so bare and all for me, I made my way to her slowly before kneeling right at where I knew she was in need, "Angel, you're soaked, do you need me that bad?" I cooed at her to which she nodded but all that did was get her spanked, "Fuck! Yes I need you! Jisung please!" she squeaked, arching her back further, it was obvious she didn't know the impact she had on me, I could never deny her when she sounded so euphonious-so her put my mouth where she wanted, kissing her there as I would her lips. At first contact she jolted forward with a small scream, almost as if it was too much for her but I knew her, I knew my angel-she would take whatever I gave her, I closed my eyes and indulged in the way she tasted, I could have consumed her whole if I didn't have self control but that was beginning to wear thin, as I went on her hips started to shake so I held them down while I lapped up all of her essence she could offer before plunging my tongue into her entrance and fucking her with it.

When I felt her walls pulsate around my tongue I pulled back but I didn't give her time to breathe-pushing my middle and ring finger into her, "Oh shit! Right there! Please faster" I obliged, fucking her with my fingers, "Like this?" I teased but she could only answer in incoherent babbles, soon her moans turned into screams and her velvety walls pulsed around my digits, before I knew it she was releasing all of my fingers but that didn't stop me—I kept going and her hips jolted away from but I held her down. "Wh-hat are you doing?!" she screamed, burying her face into the pillows and screaming right before her second orgasm washed over her and she was writhing and quivering as her juices spilled all over my fingers again but this time it shot out of her so fast it was all over my sheets before I could put my mouth on her. "Jisung stop".

"Fuck, I forgot you could do that" I groaned.

As fast as I could I flipped her unto her back, "You're not going to leave me again" it must have sounded like a question to her because she nodded, I almost wanted to correct her and let her know that I was telling her she couldn't leave me again but she looked so beautiful spread out for me—her legs twitching as I rubbed my cock over her slit, "You love me" I tell her as I pushed my length into her, maybe it was the way she felt full of me that led her to agree but I willed myself to actually believe that she did love me "Yes, yes I do, so much". I moved my hips at a different pace with each thrust, short and fast slow and deep, the way my cock dragged along her walls and the sound of her moans had me on the edge, I felt like I would lose myself in her. As her pussy continued to clenched around me—I brought her left leg up to my chest and kissed her calf before bringing her right foot to my mouth and sucking on her toes, "Shit! I'm gonna c-" "No you're not" I commanded, enjoying the way she thrashed under me with my thumb on her clit rubbing in tight circles, "Please! I'll never leave you again!" she declared, it made me want to tell her she didn't have a choice but the words couldn't come out, I was so close to cumming too, I just needed to hear one thing "You belong to me" I told her, watching her face to see her reaction, her eyes rolled to the back of her head as she concurred "Yes! you! It's always been you, Jisung" she screamed and I let go "Good girl, now cum for me, cum all over my cock" and she did so like she was on voice command, chanting thank yous as I spilled myself into her.

I rolled off her but I couldn't move my eyes away from her, she looked so beautiful with the thin layer of sweat that had covered her sin, her chest rising and falling as she tried to catch her breath. My thought train was interrupted as I heard my security code getting put in, "Who's that?" she mumbled rolling over to look me in the eye but I quickly looked away-getting off the bed to throw her dress at her.

"My girlfriend. Get dressed" I said and then I held my breath and waited, for something- a scream, the sound of her crying but she only repeated my statement whilst putting her dress back on, "Your girlfriend?" I forced myself to look anywhere but her face and my eyes found the trail of my cum dripping down her inner thigh and I knew that I'd never forgive myself.

#stray kids smut #stray kids fic #stray kids angst #skz angst #skz fic #skz smut #jisung fic #jisung angst #jisung smut #straykids fanfic #jisung fanfic #skz fanfics

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