#quarantineparody

[reecypontiff]

"Solo Act" (Total Eclipse of the Heart parody) -- Bettina Bawdeville

This parody by my Renaissance faire “twin cousin” Bettina Bawdeville has, alas, only become more true since its production back in April.

[smiley-virus-2020]

Eating whole meals on Zoom is the new microwaving fish in the break room. We've all both hated this person and been forced to be them. 

Here's, "Before He Eats," to the tune of, "Before He Cheats," by Carrie Underwood. 

Right now, he's probably slow cooking

Some chicken and rice 

And he's thinking that it's risky

Right now, he's probably buying

Up some premade salmon glaze 

Cause he won't use whiskey 

Right now, he's hankerin' for some fries

With a drum stick

Going out now to buy a combo

And it's all shown

He dug his teeth into the sides

Of his three course little meal left from last night 

Carved up ham and other kinds of meats 

I look at our agenda this can't be right 

I hope this won't go all four hours

Maybe this Zoom call ends before he eats

Right now, he's loudly chewin' on some

Bad trash version of his grandmother's gnocchi 

Right now, he's probably drinking old milk

And he's a-hiding that it's gotten real funky 

Right now, he's sloppily

Gobbling down three gallons

Worth of some half chilled Jello

Oh, and it's all shown

And it's all shown

He dug his teeth into the sides

Of his three course little meal left from last night 

Carved up ham and other kinds of meats 

I look at our agenda this can't be right 

I hope this won't go all four hours

Maybe this Zoom call ends before he eats

I might have seen a little dribble and I could hurl

And the next time that he eats 

Oh, you know that I just might leave

Oh, I might leave

I dug my key into the side

'Cause he dug his teeth into the sides

Of his three course little meal left from last night 

Carved up ham and other kinds of meats 

I look at our agenda this can't be right 

I hope this won't go all four hours

Maybe this Zoom call ends before he eats

Oh maybe next time he'll think before he eats

Oh, before he eats

https://www.instagram.com/p/CE5nrT_gaKW/?igshid=2owehoscsy3f

[smiley-virus-2020]

"Bored in the USA," to the tune of Born in the USA by Bruce Springsteen. 

Bored 'round in a dead downtown

The first drink I took was when we hit lockdown

You start some silly blog and you eat too much

Then you spend half the day dressed from the waist up.

Bored in the U.S.A.

I've been bored in the U.S.A.

I've been bored in the U.S.A.

Bored in the U.S.A.

Got in an unemployment jam

So I get my cash from Uncle Sam

Start each day without any plan

Sleep in late just because I can

Bored in the U.S.A.

I've been bored in the U.S.A.

I've been bored in the U.S.A.

I've been bored in the U.S.A.

Bored in the U.S.A.

Stuck at home I miss the finer things

Entire family fought over watching TV

Went downstairs, played nintendo and

I said "Son, you don't understand"

I have a brother, bought Boardwalk

Fighting lasted 20 months 

They're still there, that game's gone

I know a woman she loves her Salon

She's protesting so she can get her nails done

Drownin' my sorrows in beer from the brewery 

I'm buying gas to fuel the economy 

Been in tears since my income slowed

Nowhere for fun, every place I know's closed.

Bored in the U.S.A.

I've been bored in the U.S.A.

Born in the U.S.A.

I've long gone crazy in the U.S.A.

Bored in the U.S.A.

Bored in the U.S.A.

Bored in the U.S.A.

I'm a fool going batty in the U.S.A.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CANgFu3g-IV/?igshid=7362qvotn3n1

[smiley-virus-2020]

Tackled a bit of a beast with this one. Any similarities to other versions of this out there on the internet is pure coincidence, probably because we're all dealing with the same shit. I wrote this back in May a few days before I got laid off, and had I known how bad it was going to get from there, I would have waited. 

I give you "This is Coronavirus" to the tune of "We Didn't Start the Fire," by Billy Joel. 

Healthy humans, gone away, Bat, China, Donnie says

Not horrific, loss of smell, We’re in Quarantine

Tony Fauci, Social Distance, No one making television

Testing great in South Korea, It’s Covid-19.

Cases surge, Wuhan, homemade masks, close salons,

Brady to Tampa Bay, left Boston on St. Patrick's Day

Working on a vaccine, Britain's PM quarantined,

Paper Towels, Sanitizer, Toilet Paper, Doomsday 

This is Coronavirus 

Where your fever's burning

And your chest is hurting

This is Coronavirus

Please stay in your household 

It's worse than just a cold

Remote learning, Zoom to teach, Florida won't close the beach

Rockefeller Center closed with the whole block 

Clorox all gone, Trump's Pressers drag on

Global stocks fall, so much time to walk

Binge wine, hands clean, no one watching their home team

Davy Crocket, Peter Pan, they’re all closed at Disneyland

Locked down Italy, singing from balconies 

Tiger King, Closed Beijing, NHL is in a freeze 

This is Coronavirus

Where your fever's burning

And your chest is hurting

This is Coronavirus

Please stay in your household

It's worse than just a cold

Sleep routine, out of whack. Shake shack sends their money back

Everyone work from home, Payday Protection Loans

Lebron misses Basketball, No one playing baseball

Sharp decline in homicides, children want to go outside 

Ventilators, Flatten Curve, PPE is conserved

Hulu stream, Binge shows, Olympics a no-go

5G, Drinking Bleach, Corona Conspiracies

Retail execs and CEO, Founder of My Pillow

This is Coronavirus

Where your fever's burning

And your chest is hurting

This is Coronavirus

Please stay in your household

It's worse than just a cold

Amazon, Instacart, Target, Whole Foods, Wal-Mart

Workers, Striking, Safe Conditions Lacking 

Tom Hanks in Australia, US leaders failure

High Stress, Order In, Vaccine tests could begin

Twelve Hundred Dollar Checks, Second wave that could be next.

It's just the start of May, Twenty-Twenty go away!

This is Coronavirus

Where your fever's burning

And your chest is hurting

This is Coronavirus

Please stay in your household

It's worse than just a cold

Kim Jong Un could be dead, maybe he just stayed in bed

New York, morgues short, telehealth, no court

Bacon shortage, grocery lines, empty on the airlines

Higher death tolls in Iran, pull troops from Afghanistan

Five to ten percent have died, healthcare workers suicide

Massive debts, dying vets, layoffs, Bernie quits

Cruise ships can't return to port, China's close to martial law

States are forced to bidding wars, I can't take it anymore!

This is Coronavirus 

Where your fever's burning

And your chest is hurting

This is Coronavirus 

Need a vaccine done

This just can't go on, and on, and on, and on.

This is Coronavirus 

Where your fever's burning

And your chest is hurting

This is Coronavirus

Please stay in your household 

It's worse than just a cold 

https://www.instagram.com/p/B_vOBs-gAZe/?igshid=4emb54fmy4zh