#queen bee never disappoints also

[mudanonaito]

[yoon-kooks]

paired & puppy-eyed | jjk

⛓️pairing: hotnerd!jungkook x popular!reader

⛓️genre: smut, fluff, college!au

⛓️summary: When Jeon Jungkook agrees to be your partner for a class project, he doesn’t realize what that might escalate to until you show up at his door in a teeny-tiny crop top and cling to his tattooed arm like his naughty little kitten.

⛓️word count: 4.6k

⛓️warnings: dom!jk, sub!reader, daddy/kitten undertones, dirty talk, reader calls herself a sl*t one time, dick tattoo, many rounds of sex off screen😔

⛓️p&p masterlist⛓️

a/n: if you're looking for the ✨filthy✨ smut version, read paired & pierced from the reader's pov! this one takes place in the same 2 days but from jungkook's pov without explicit smut😔 if you read both, lmk which version you preferred! i personally like this one more bc we get more catdad!jjk heh

Jungkook doesn’t always have a goal for the day, but today is different. He’s running on approximately zero hours of sleep and would love to get a nap in before class starts. That shouldn’t be too much to ask.

Unfortunately for him, that won’t be happening today because there are at least ten girls huddled next to his desk when he walks into the classroom. An onlooker might assume that these girls are gathered around for a chance to win his heart over, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. In reality, there’s a queen bee sitting a foot away from him, and she’s the one everyone’s always drawn to. 

That queen bee is none other than you.

As Jungkook quietly takes his seat, he overhears something about that Loudmouth Jim who sits on the other side of the classroom. Apparently, you were hanging out with that guy at some party. A girl like you can do so much better than Loudmouth Jim who always needs to make everything about him. He couldn’t accept it when his ex broke up with him, so he turned it around on her to make it seem like he was the one breaking things off with her. Now he’s made it his mission to make her jealous by flirting with popular girls like you. Jungkook swears he only knows this because his tattoo artist loves to spill the tea he hears from his other clients.

“Is he as big as they say?” All the girls look so wide-eyed and eager to hear what you have to say about Loudmouth Jim’s cock. They talk about shit like this all the time, and as much as it makes Jungkook want to bang his head against a brick wall, he’s also lowkey disappointed that they’ve never once wondered about the size of his cock. He wouldn’t mind if that seed were planted in that pretty little head of yours.

As it turns out, you haven’t seen Loudmouth Jim’s cock. Thank god. And from what it sounds like, you didn’t want to see it anyway. Good girl. In fact, when Jungkook takes a peek next door, you don’t even look super engaged in the girl talk. You nod along and smile a bit, but you’re a lot quieter than one would expect for someone so popular. It’s kind of cute.

Eventually, class begins and Jungkook lets out a sigh of relief. Now the girls have to cut the chitchat and leave. At long last, he can finally catch up on some sleep. This wouldn’t be an issue if not for the tiny demon kitten that wandered to his doorstep a week ago. Not only does she keep him awake at night by knocking shit down and chewing on his phone charger, but she also haunts him in his sleep.

He dreams of the little fucker swatting her paws against his back and wiggling her tiny body into his hood. When that isn’t enough to get his attention, she starts gnawing on his index finger.

“Hey Jungkook.”

The boy opens an eye and the first thing he sees is you bent down in front of him as if you were about to do something indecent under his desk. He immediately shakes that thought out of his head, though he still has no fucking clue why you’re down there looking up at him with such needy puppy dog eyes.

“Wanna be partners?” you ask him.

Still half-asleep, he looks around the room and sees everyone pairing up and talking about a project of some sort. Fucking hell. He absolutely despises any and all projects that aren’t individual. Even the ones where a super pretty girl is asking to pair up with him. But before he can decline, he notices you checking over your shoulder and sees Loudmouth Jim on his way over. Ah, it all makes sense now. You’re just using him to avoid being partners with that asshole. It’s a matter of picking the lesser of two evils. Understandable.

“Sure, I guess.” As much as Jungkook doesn’t want to admit it, he wouldn’t have had it in him to say no to you anyway. Not with those puppy eyes.

“Good, good.” The smile on your face is too much. Why are you smiling that big for something as small as agreeing to be your partner? It’s really not that deep. But it is really cute. Fuck. See, this is what happens when he doesn’t get enough sleep—his mind develops some sort of irrational softness that won’t go away until he either lets his body rest or rubs one out. He’ll do whatever it takes to get that nasty soft feeling out of his system.

Seeing how the classroom isn’t the best place to have his hand in his pants, he opts to fall back asleep before class ends. Hopefully he won’t be disturbed by any more kitten nightmares.

Ten seconds later, Loudmouth Jim enters the scene, and Jungkook can kiss his nap goodbye. Still slumped over, the sleep-deprived boy listens in on the awkward exchange between you and Loudmouth. Bro apparently can’t take a hint that you want nothing to do with him. Jungkook would step in and tell Jim to fuck off, but he wants to see you do it yourself. That would be kind of hot.

“I’m actually partnered up with Jungkook, sorry,” you say in an apologetic tone. You probably get taken advantage of all the time because of that compassion. There’s no need for you to be so nice to everyone you interact with, and especially not to shallow people like Jim. That must be exhausting.

“That kid asked you to be his partner?” Loudmouth spits. Kid? Jungkook does his best not to snort while pretending to be dead. When he takes a peek, he sees you nod. “And you said yes?” 

You nod again. This time, however, you don’t give him the gentleness you’re known for. With a furrowed brow, you almost look bothered—something you probably feel all the time but never show. It’s so rare to see your emotions out in the open like that. It’d be quite intriguing to see how you look when you’re genuinely happy, sad, mad, horny—

Nope. Jeon Jungkook is not going to let his sleepy mind wander there on a Friday morning. It can at least wait until he gets home.

After Loudmouth Jim is gone, Jungkook sits up and stares at you. Your face has already softened back up. Fuck it. He’s never seen anyone so cute in his entire life, through sleep-deprived glasses or not.

“Why didn’t you just partner up with that other guy? It sounded like he wanted to work with you.” Kind of a dick move of him to ruffle your feathers when he already knows about your distaste for Jim, but Jungkook is genuinely curious to hear what you have to say. And he’s not one to be curious about other people’s affairs.

“That’s not what he wanted,” you say. They don’t call him Bad Intentions Jim for nothing.

“What about everyone else? Aren’t you friends with everyone here?” Perhaps “friends” isn’t the best word to describe the rest of your classmates, but it’s clear that they enjoy being in your presence.

Apparently, you feel a bit more detached than that. According to you, no one’s going out of their way to save you from a hypothetical burning house. Jungkook probably would. But there’s no way in hell he’s admitting something like that. He’d sound like a simp!

“Who would you save?” he asks. Surely you have someone you’d put before anyone else. Anyone would be lucky to be your number one.

“No one.” 

Jungkook knows he shouldn’t feel a certain way about your answer, but he can’t control how his lips curl into the slightest smile. Your response is proof that the two of you aren’t as different as it seems. He might even like you for it.

Heck, he might even offer to do the whole damn project by himself and still give you credit for it! That’s the plan he has cooked up for his antisocial self—until you keep insisting on working together. Something about meeting up on the weekend. Maybe he should stop playing hard to get and just say okay.

“I’m busy.” He immediately hates himself for saying it. That’s his default response for any sort of social gathering, and his dumbass went on autopilot for no reason.

“Busy with what?” The way you flutter your eyelashes at him is both innocent and seductive. Are you actually flirting with him? Because it’s working.

“My newborn,” he utters out of panic. It didn’t entirely come out of his ass, though. The vet did say his kitten is around eight weeks. That’s basically a newborn, and she’s definitely been keeping him busy.

But then your eyes get all big and sparkly. “You have a child?”

How the fuck is Jungkook supposed to respond to that? You’re so excited over a human baby that doesn’t exist, and now he has to be the bringer of bad news. He normally doesn’t feel bad for others, but this makes him feel like absolute shit.

“If it’s easier for you and the little one, we can work at your place?” you offer. Why the fuck are you so gullible and trusting in him, and why is that a huge turn-on for him?

“I was just fucking with you…” he finally comes clean. You look exactly like the surprised Pikachu meme, and yes, it’s adorable. Fine, you win. He gives you his number and address and invites you over. 

All that for a fucking project.

When Jungkook returns home, a sleepy kitten waddles its way over to the door to greet him. She yawns her fish breath in his face as soon as he picks her up for a kiss. Ungrateful little demon.

She doesn’t stop there, either. With a burst of energy and a bushy tail, she flicks her eyes around, looking for a wire to chew on. The computer cords must be quite appetizing because she keeps trying to eat them.

“Hey, that's dangerous, Lucy.” Jungkook peels the kitten away from the wires and sets her down on his bed, but she just runs right back into the danger zone. “Lucinda, you little shit.”

Twenty minutes later, the boy makes a run to the pet store and returns with a few peace offerings. He’s not much of a cat person, so he has no idea what all the young kittens are into nowadays. Hopefully they like mouse toys and pink bunnies.

Like the new father he is, Jungkook spends the rest of his evening teaching the kitten how to play fetch, rocking her to sleep, and tucking her in with the mouse and bunny. Finally, the demon has been tamed.

By the time he gets into bed, it’s already past midnight. He’s exhausted and should probably get some sleep, and yet his mind is still wandering. He can’t quite shake that image of you getting down on your knees at his desk, just begging for his attention. For a second, it looked as though you, the most popular girl on campus, were lusting after his cynical smartass self. The mere possibility of that lures his hand into his pants to address that ache he’s been enduring all day. But before he can get any relief, he hears a set of paws back on the prowl.

Jungkook hobbles out of bed and turns on the light. To no one’s surprise, the naughty kitten is caught red-handed with a wire in her mouth.

With a sigh, he collects the kitty, sits her down in his lap, turns his computer on, and opens up the code for the partner project. It’s going to be a long night.

The funny thing is, the assignment itself doesn’t require much time or effort. What takes up all his time and effort is this silly kitten. She’s adorable but so damn needy. Kind of like you. If you were here to work on the project with him like you’d fought so hard to do, you’d surely be much too big of a distraction. No work would ever get done when you bat your eyes at him and giggle over the tiniest things.

It takes a good few hours between modifying and adding lines of code and keeping an eye on the troublemaker, but Jungkook eventually gets it done before the sun rises. As an added bonus, the naughty little wire fairy has finally worn herself out. She curls into a ball on top of Jungkook’s chest and falls into a deep slumber. The boy is out a minute later.

It’s around ten in the morning when Jungkook wakes up and checks his phone. You’re supposed to drop by sometime today, aren’t you? He wishes he knew when to expect you, or if you weren’t coming at all. It’s up to you to message him, though, since he gave you his number and not the other way around.

Just then, he hears a knock at the door. His first instinct says it’s you. But then he checks his phone again and sees no new message from your unknown number. Surely you’d shoot him a text before heading his way.

It’s probably just the special package of kitty toys he ordered a few days ago. He’d get up to check, but he’s not trying to disturb the little rascal from her slumber. She’s still resting peacefully on his chest, and he’d like to keep it that way for as long as possible.

But what if the package gets stolen? Jungkook spent a lot more money than he’d like to admit on those kitty toys, and he’d be pretty pissed if someone took that away from his child.

Groaning, Jungkook slowly lifts the sleepy kitten off his chest and places her on the warm spot where he’d been lying. She stretches out her tiny limbs but otherwise continues her snooze. Perfect.

The first thing he sees when he opens the door is your bare tummy because you’ve apparently decided to show up at his door unannounced in a micro crop top. It’s so short your pretty tits might pop out if your arms were held above your head. Jeon Jungkook wouldn’t mind seeing a little underboob if that’s the look you’re going for today.

Then he notices you staring at him like he’s a stranger. You haven’t even greeted him yet. He watches as your eyes travel up his bare arm to his face and messy man bun, and then back to his arm. That’s when it hits him. This is the first time you’re seeing any of his tattoos and piercings. 

The quiet studious Jeon Jungkook at school doesn’t look like the type to have a full sleeve or this many piercings. He doesn’t like drawing attention to himself and prefers to keep a low profile. Life is just easier that way. That’s why he always takes his piercings out and covers his tattoos with a hoodie when it’s time to go to class. 

Seeing him now in a muscle tank must be quite shocking to you.

“Why do you look like that?” You have the audacity to point the finger at him when you’re looking that good in your little crop top. “I mean, if I’d given you a heads-up, would you have thrown on a hoodie and removed all your piercings before I got here?”

Oh? You sound kind of upset at the fact that he’s been intentionally hiding his body art in class. Like you’ve been missing out.

“Maybe,” he answers as he leads you inside. Your curious eyes are still glued to his tattoos. You ask why he hides it all, and he mentions his distaste for compliments and small talk. 

He does it to avoid the exact things you’re so good at attracting.

“Fine, I won’t talk about how pretty I think your tattoos are.” You bring out a pouty lip to combo with those puppy eyes. He wonders how you make your pupils so big like that. And what the fuck are you so whiny for? You want to admire his body art that badly? Fine.

“I’ll grant you permission to give one single compliment.” Without a single thought, he lifts his tatted arm for you to grab onto. Your hands are so soft and warm as they slide across each tattoo. It’s in times like this that Jungkook wishes his entire body was covered in tattoos for you to trace with that angelic touch.

After what feels like forever, you still haven’t said your one compliment. It seems like you’re just using this as an excuse to latch onto his arm like his little kitten. 

“Well? Are you gonna fangirl over my tattoos or just keep fondling my arm?” He’d give you a nudge but his arm is too busy being fondled.

“I wish I could see all of them.” Your eyes meet his as your tits press into his arm. The compliment is innocent at face value, but the implications behind it sure as hell aren’t. Oh, you definitely want to fuck him.

If you think you can just waltz into his home with that crop top, drool all over his tattoos, and ask for sex so shamelessly, you’re not wrong. His body is aching to squeeze those tits, to feel just how tight you are, and to make you squirm until you squirt.

“Ooh kitty.” Like an easily distracted toddler, you toss his arm aside and move on to the next toy that fascinates you. The kitten drops her mouse in front of you and sniffs your hand when you scoop her up. Jungkook watches from afar as his own kitten steals you away from him. She even presses her pink nose to your cheek. That little fucker.

Jungkook has to bite his tongue at least five times to stop himself from asking if you’re done playing with his cat. He’d come off as jealous and needy for your attention. Instead, he acts like the mature father he is and puts her to bed in that pink new donut cushion he’d bought for her the other day. She kneads her paws on the bunny until she can’t keep her eyes open anymore and settles into the loaf position. He’s convinced she’s only behaving like an angel right now to impress his lady friend. 

“So what’s this project again?” The boy has no intentions of actually working on the project, but he’d prefer it if you weren’t so focused on his cat.

“You’d know if you were listening!” You turn back to the cat again. He could’ve sworn he heard you whispering something into her triangle ears like, “Your daddy is so useless.”

Hearing that name come out of your mouth is confirmation. Confirmation that you’d be so submissive if he were to spread your legs open and make you his little plaything. And he kind of likes the sound of that.

“I’m just fucking with you again. I already finished it, by the way,” he hums. Since you seem to be the stubborn type when it comes to project participation, he sits you down at his computer with the finished code to prove that daddy is not in fact useless.

He expects you to be all wide-eyed and impressed by his work, but you simply sigh as you run the program. Great. It appears he has yet another ungrateful little thing on his hands.

But then you start adding in a bunch of stuff “for the aesthetic” because although he’s “quite possibly the nerdiest boy you’ve ever met,” there’s still room for growth when it comes to “the fun shit.” And by “the fun shit,” you mean coding in a cat doing some elaborate kpop choreo. 

Half an hour later, you run the final product again and submit it in its perfect form. Aren’t you the nerd here? Quite possibly the prettiest nerd he’s ever met.

“Are you sure that Jim guy wasn’t trying to be your partner just to get a good grade? Nerd,” Jungkook says before face-palming internally. Why does he always resort to name-calling as his way of flirting with people? This is why no one likes him and why he’d rather just keep his mouth shut. He’s going to ruin a good thing with you if he keeps that up.

But to his surprise, you throw the name right back at him with a playful smile on your face. “If that were the case, he would’ve asked for a threesome with you too, Nerd.”

“Not particularly interested in a threesome with him.” But a threesome with you? Sounds interesting.

You call Jim an asshole and don’t deny that you have a bunch of shallow relationships with the people in your class. When the boy asks you about it, you admit it’s intentional. It’s this mindset of surrounding yourself with a lot of different people until you run into the few you click with. 

And while Jungkook can’t relate to having that many connections to his peers, he understands the desire for someone who cares for you unconditionally and makes you want to do the same. He’s been waiting for that person to show up for him too. Idly. At least you’re putting yourself out there.

“Found anyone yet?” he asks, lying down on his bed. He stares up at the ceiling and not at the pretty person sitting less than a foot away from him. You’d joined him on the bed at some point to play with the kitten, but the feline was very quick to abandon you. Now it’s just you and him.

“There might be a boy I’m interested in.” Your voice is flirty and soft. The boy knows he might have a big ego at times, but there’s no doubt in his mind that you’re talking about him. You wouldn’t be on his bed eyeing him like that if that weren’t the case.

With that knowledge in mind, Jungkook decides to tease you some more. “I bet it’s Jim, isn’t it? You know, like a passionate love-hate type thing?”

“Fuck no.” Your face hovers over his like the moon during an eclipse, except you’re much more enticing to look at. He catches your eyes on his lips until they find their way up to meet his gaze. “Never mind, it’s no one.”

Liar.

“Really?” His body suddenly moves on its own, overcome with the lust that had been building up since you first showed him those puppy eyes in class. He pulls you beneath him and holds both of your wrists above your head. He was right. That crop top is indeed short enough to show him some underboob with you in that helpless position. And, much like how you said you wanted to see all his tattoos, he wants nothing more in this moment than to see the rest of you until he’s seen it all. 

Purposely keeping the tiniest distance between his lips and yours, he whispers, “I was under the impression you were kind of into me.”

As the afternoon turns to evening, you’re still at Jungkook’s place, still fondling his arm on his bed, and still obsessed with all the art and piercings that grace his body. The two of you had fallen asleep after getting a few rounds of filthy sex out of your systems, much to the boy’s surprise. He’s used to people leaving right after, whether it’s because the relationship was purely sexual or because it just wasn’t worth his time. You’re different, though. There’s something about you that he wants to keep holding onto.

“Did this one hurt?” You poke the metal sticking out of his eyebrow.

“Not as much as you stabbing me with your finger just now,” he frowns, running a hand through his messy hair. The man bun must’ve come out at some point in the midst of all that hair pulling and wrestling in the sheets.

“You must have really low pain tolerance then,” you giggle with your finger ready to poke him someplace else. But before you can do so, he closes his hand around yours and tucks your pointy finger away to put an end to your antics. “You’re no fun,” you pout.

“Really? You seemed like you were enjoying it when I let you s—”

“Where’s this one from?” You somehow dodge the accusation and free your finger from his grasp to poke the shark tattoo that you now know hides beneath his shirt. You’re so sneaky.

“Someone.” Aka the same artist he gets his gossip from.

“What about the… snake one?” Of course that’s the one that pops into your dirty little head.

“Someone else.” Aka the one he might have slept with a few times before she convinced him that the snake would look good on him there. She wasn’t wrong. “You’re nosy.”

“I’m just asking! Maybe I want a tattoo too!” you squeak. Jungkook has no doubt in his mind that you’d look pretty damn hot with any tattoo anywhere on that body. “Tattoos are attractive, no?”

“Be honest, you only fucked me for my tattoos, huh.” The boy knows this to be false because you aren’t the shallow type, but he just wants to hear what other good things you have to say about him. Because maybe he doesn’t hear that a lot from others.

“Obviously. It had nothing to do with how hot you are, or how easy you are to talk to, or how soft you are for your cat, or how perfect of a pair we made for that project,” you lie with the most charming smile ever, snuggling up as close as you possibly can to his body. Twirling his long hair around your finger, you tuck it behind his ear, and whisper, “I’m such a little slut for your tattooed cock.”

The boy gets yet another urge to tear your clothes off again and feel your bare body connect with his so perfectly. He’s just about to shove his hand into your panties (you gave up on pants after the third time) when you let out a tiny snicker.

“I take back what I said about you not being fun,” you say, lips flush against his neck. “You’re fun to tease.”

Him? Fun to tease? Maybe you’re forgetting about all the teasing and torture he put you through earlier. Maybe you’re in need of a little reminder.

“Hey,” he says in his stern parent voice. You look up at him with those big innocent eyes again. Oh great. It’s clear that you know his weakness and aren’t afraid to exploit it. Just like how his naughty little kitten knows she can get away with anything because she’s too cute to get mad at. “Behave or I’ll kick you out.”

“Oh?” His so-called threat catches your attention enough to get your ass in his lap and your hands tangled in his hair. You let him taste your lips, your tongue, your everything—a sweet taste he won’t ever get sick of. “Do whatever you please to me,” you purr as the soft kisses quickly become an unbearable heat of pure desire.

Between you and his kitten, Jungkook already knows he’s gonna have his hands full. The thought of caring for others would normally irk him, but it’s not like he could ever say no to you or the kitten, even if he tried.

[funhouse-mirror-barbie]

Rating Hazbin + Helluva Boss Characters based on if I could tell what animal/creature they’re supposed to be:

DISCLAIMER: This is not an attack on the creators or artists/designers for either show. I already went over the purpose of this on my first post here—I just like to review stuff.

Part 2!

SIR PENTIOUS—SNAKE—5/5

Yeah that’s a snake, man.

While I find some of Pent’s design elements cluttered, he’s actually one of the stronger designs in my opinion. I think the having his cobra hood act as his hair is fun and cleaver. It’s very easy to tell he’s a snake. Not sure why he has eyes on his tail/body? I think they could have just made them red spots but eh.

QUEEN BEE—FOX (?) WITH HONEY BEE ELEMENTS (?)—3.5/5

Bee’s a weird one for me b/c while her design is super super cluttered I can SEE how it could work, and I really do like fun cute fox and wolf girls. The ONLY reason that docked points is b/c she’s supposed to be a fox/bee hybrid (I believe?) but her “bee” elements are so minute that if I hadn’t seen her in a big beehive, I would have just assumed she was as a fox with fairy/insect elements—I wouldn’t have thought she was connected to a honey bee at all. It’s a weird case where she is VERY obviously a fox but it’s not obvious at all that she’s a bee/honey bee. I did want to give a little extra half-point tho b/c I do like her little antennae ears. They’re pretty much the only thing that screams “insect” to me.

STELLA GOETIA—SWAN (?)—3/5

I think I may be going a little easier on the Helluva cast b/c overall they’re easier to figure out what animals they are. I’ve heard that Stella is supposed to be a Swan but I’m not 100% sure. This one is def more on me, but I initially thought that she was either a secretary bird due to her long lashes and the way her hair is styled, or a peafowl (which would make sense b/c her brother is apparently a peacock?) at least I can tell that she is a bird and her colors are accurate for a swan’s. I think the reason I would never have thought of her as a swan is mostly due to her beak size and color. But yeah b/c I can at least confirm that she is in fact a bird I wanna give her a higher score.

I would rate Pilot Stella too, but I don’t think at that point she was meant to be a swan, just a vague bird demon lady. At least I hope not.

MAMMON—SPIDER (OR CENTIPEDE? MAYBE??) —0.5/5

So. Like Angel Dust. The only reason I know that Mammon is a spider is because he was shown sitting on a giant spider web.

I really didn’t think he was a spider/spider-ish looking at all and I still don’t. Even the extra eyes they add to him sometimes didn’t immediately make me think “Spider!” just that it was a demon thing. He really just looks like a jester with extra arms.

His full demon/mega form also doesn’t look very spider-ish tbh, and was what made me wonder if he was actually supposed to be a centipede? I was really disappointed by his “final form” because it’s pretty much the same as his regular form but with more eyes and what I assume is SUPPOSED to be a spider abdomen ?? But then he does kinda scuttle like a centipede at the end so maybe he is supposed to be???? But then why does he have a big spider web???

Also, and I’ll be honest, this is just me being needlessly nit-picky and it’s a small thing but it just irks me personally b/c I don’t understand the reasoning behind this but like. I HATE that his extra eyes DO NOT stay consistent.

The first time we see his extra eyes it gives him a total of 8 so I was like “oh okay yeah so maybe just his final form will be a spider/spider-like BUT THEN HIS EXTRA EYES KEEP OSCILLATING BETWEEN 3 and 4 EXTRA EYES?

These shots are only a few seconds apart like why did they give him MORE eyes when he got farther away? They’re so small that they barely seem distinct? Like if he IS supposed to be a spider you don’t have to keep giving him eyes!!! Stop, stop, he can already see!!! 😭

Maybe he IS a centipede tho? B/c he DOES seem to have the little centipede butt horns (which apparently are just their very hind legs in real life)

And he def seems to move like one in that form. Man idk. Why even HAVE him in a spider web then???

Being an arthropod lover and not being able to figure out what the fuck kinda guy that’s supposed to be is driving me wild tbh 😅

Honestly if Mammon was just supposed to be a clown/jester I would have given him 5/5 b/c yeah that was immediately obvious. But it’s him being a jester-spider-centipede-thing that muddles things for me.

I would put Loona in here but I ran out of pictures for this post talking about Mammons eyes. She gets 5/5 cause. Yeah that’s a classic wolf girl.

[mercurygray]

Merc, what kind of Historical Military Man gets the wheels turning for you? What are the markers of 'Oh, that one, that one is now mine'?

Nat, I'm going to be honest, this question provoked something of an existential crisis. so I went back through, like, 20 years of fandom favorites to see if there's a pattern.

Spoiler: there isn't, apart from a perennial need to be different. This is kind of long .

2001 (ish) - Lord of the Rings is coming out, and you are either a Legolas or Aragorn girl. I am deep in my 'not like the other girls' phase and decide Boromir is actually the superior choice here. (This leads me to watch A LOT of period dramas that are probably not appropriate for for me at this age, including Clarissa and Lady Chatterley's Lover.) It also leads me to the Sharpe books, which are great and awesome. Richard Sharpe doesn't necessarily do anything for me as a character, but that gets me into Hornblower, which gets me into the Aubreyad, which leads me to read a lot about the Napoleonic Wars in high school. Cliff-diving into a different historical period is now something I do every single summer.

I also spend about 5 years (2008-2013) writing a 225,000 word fanfic in which Boromir doesn't die.

2010-2015

Matthew Crawley (Dan Stevens) is really only in the army a brief while but who can say no to the blue eyes and the absolute vibe he has going with Mary?

During the Downton phase I decide to raid the library for other period dramas, again, and watch The Forsyte Saga. Soames Forsyte is not a man you love, but Damian Lewis has A Face and I know he was on Band of Brothers, which the library perennially never has a copy of.

2011

I finally watch Band of Brothers in its entirety my senior year of college and am a little disappointed I appear to be missing large parts of the story. (Future rewatches will explain that this is actually a feature of the show, not a bug.) My recollections of this are hazy, but I'm fairly certain my favorite character the first time I watched this was Lewis Nixon (Ron Livingston). He's dark-haired, he's funny, he's an absolute mess with a trust fund. Dick Winters (Damian Lewis) also has one hell of a face. He's a red-head, he's in charge of everyone else, he doesn't say much, and he is tall. I know there must be fic for this show but am also very, very sure it is shippy in a direction I do not want to read, so I do not go looking for it.

TURN - 2014-2017

Ben Tallmadge (Seth Numrich) is the guy to watch on TURN: he's a lieutenant, he's tall, he struggles with rules, but the entire fandom is also crazy about him and the leading queen bee in the OC end of that fandom is a real pain about it, so I decide I will not be writing for him no matter what it costs me to hold off admitting I want to. However, in the next episode we meet his best friend, Caleb Brewster (Daniel Henshall) who is short, bearded, dark-haired and chaotic. The moment he comes onscreen I love him. Sadly, no one is reading fic for him and this project is abandoned.

In Season 3, we meet the Marquis de Lafayette. Historical Lafayette is a tall, awkward redhead in need of a father figure who makes up for war experience with boundless enthusiasm. His letters home are adorable. Show Lafayette (Ben Wiles) is tall and enthusiastic. I love him anyway and I make it everyone's problem for, like, a year.

2016-2017 - Mercy Street

Henry Hopkins (Luke Macfarlane) is a military chaplain in a hotel-turned Union hospital in Alexandria, Virginia. He's tall, he's a little tortured, and he has a knack for putting others first. Wrestling with some past choices, his romance with Emma Green, the privileged daughter of the family who owned the hotel, is sweet and full of pining. I write so much fix-it fic for them it's not even funny. (I love this show because the female characters I love come pre-installed. Please watch this.)

2016 - Dunkirk

I see this movie three times in theaters and love it more each time. Collins (Jack Lowden) is a blonde RAF flyboy with a very adorable face. (Tom Glynn Carney is also a face I like but he's on a backburner for a bit.) I write a lot of fic about it and affectionately refer to this as my first Planes Go Zoom phase.

2020

Two weeks into the pandemic I decide rewatching Band of Brothers is a good idea and buy the book and the DVD set from my local secondhand bookshop like I am doing a drug deal in a parking lot. Two weeks after that I am writing a fanfic for Dick Winters (Damian Lewis) because I am a loon who likes men in charge and painfully slow burns.

2021

Still in the middle of a pandemic I decide to watch The Pacific, because I make good decisions, apparently. Hoosier Smith (Jacob Pitts) is a taciturn, wise-cracking friend of Leckie's who is joked about as being the pretty one. He is. Andrew Haldane (Scott Gibson) is quiet, unassuming, and in charge, and played college football for Bowdoin. Very dad energy. Extremely charming. Dead in three episodes as history intended. Fix-it fic incoming.

2022 Top Gun Maverick comes out. Jake "Hangman" Seresin (played by Glen Powell, who I loved in Hidden Figures and The Guernsey Literary Potato Peel Pie Society) has a jawline you could cut something with and an attitude. My friends think I am mental. Second Planes Go Zoom phase coupled with Devotion, which comes out shortly after.

SAS Rogue Heroes comes out. I have been really looking forward to seeing Tom Glynn Carney in something else and he delivers. Mike Sadler is blond, extremely good at his job, not capable of suffering fools, and far too attractive for the desert.

2024

We do not even make it out of trailer season before I realize I still have a Thing (TM) for Callum Turner's face, which I have known since he was Theseus Scamander in Fantastic Beasts. Watching The Boys in the Boat before this all starts doesn't help - he has regrettably blond hair but thighs for days and shoulders you could hang the universe on. John "Bucky" Egan, is tall, dark-haired, incredibly generous spirited and nominally in charge. I want all of it. The rest of the fandom does too. I try to make peace with that and write anyway. Third Planes Go Zoom phase.

[coward-draws]

So, my autocorrect keeps changing Chloé with Zoé so I’m inspired and there’s a new au now

Zoe is a cuckoo chick. Chloe knows it at her heart. She may have never paid attention in class, she may have made Sabrina do all her homework, but this thing is what she remembers. Cuckoo chicks steal everything from nests’ rightful owners. Now she regrets being a bad student. Oh, how she regrets. Zoe is taking her place, and she doesn’t know any ways to stop her.

It’s all magic things.

Her class is now Zoe’s. Adrikins is sharing secrets with her now. Sabrina sitting with her and Kim gifting her sweets.

Her miraculous is now Zoe’s. Queen Bee were way more stylish than Vesperia! But now it’s not important, as Ladybug gives her fistbumps and citizen praise her.

Her father is now Zoe’s. Where were those hugs and little smiles, when he was hers!? Chloe only got money and cameras but Zoe is getting this all and more.

Worst of all — she doesn’t get to keep anything at all.

No one recognises her on streets.

Web searches show Zoe as “Mayor’s daughter”.

Mommy does not remember not only her name, but also that she was a hero. And Mommy never, never forgets what was said on camera!

“Pack your things,” said Mommy to her. “We are returning to New York.” It was all that she wanted just two months ago, but now? She wants Mommy recognises her.

Ladybug gave her a polite smile, like those she gives to strangers. Were disappointed looks terrible? Yes, but this is so much worse. She really, really wants Ladybug recognises her!

Oh, thinks Chloe. There is a person who always knew her. Someone gross and terrible, but always present. Someone Zoe wouldn’t steal from her, like she wouldn’t steal mud from under her shoes or bugs from her favourite plants.

Marinette answers the call, and Chloe shivers. She really-

“Excuse me,” says Marinette. “Do I know you?”

Chloe cries.

[vianwrites]

So, I decided to continue with that previous Trimberly fanfic I did? And, this time it's on Kimberly's side of the story...so, yeah...ended up making it multi-chapter? Sort of? I'm not really sure how well I am doing with this, but I hope I am doing well.

Anyways, here's the second part/companion piece to Eyes Open (Trini's Version). The title of this one is Jump and Fall (Kimberly's Version)...and, yeah, pulling titles from Taylor Swift's discography because, why not? Will be postin this on AO3 and Wattpad as well. Anywho...this fic goes like this:

Kimberly Hart sat at her desk in her room, the soft vibrant hues of the cloudy afternoon sun basked her room with enough light that she didn’t need to open the lamp by her desk. She sat there for a reason, had been seated at her desk for much of the afternoon already. And, in all honesty, she should have been focusing on the opened textbooks in front of her, on the notebooks strewn haphazardly on her desk, on school assignments demanding her attention. But they ended up all fading to the background, like they were unimportant set pieces. Instead of diving into algebraic equations or historical dates, grammar and the proper use of punctuation, Kimberly found herself lost in a maze of thoughts and emotions as she tapped to a random rhythm with her pen.

It had been a whirlwind these past few months—months that felt like years. A whirlwind of emotions and events. It had been months since she made that brash and reckless action—some would call it a boneheaded move, a social suicide—that ended up destroying her reputation, getting her status as the ‘Queen Bee’ revoked and made her a pariah in school. That led her to a path she never dreamed would even be one possible to trudge on. It was so impossible and fantastical and something straight out of a comic book. It also led her to people—outcasts and misfits, like herself—that she would form a connection with. To people she would call her “family” and would call her theirs.

If she were to be honest, it felt like a lifetime ago. She felt as though the person she was then and the person she was now were from two different alternate universes. And, in the midst of all the drama, all the training and the struggles of trying to morph and the disappointment and frustration that came with failing to do so, witnessing a friend die and be revived, and almost dying herself in the process of defending their town...yeah, she would like to think that she had changed quite a bit. All the Rangers—Jason, Billy, Zack, and Trini—had.

But, in the midst of her thoughts of her journey as the Pink Ranger thus far, there was one thing that stood out to her as clear as daylight: the surprising bond she had forged with Trini Gomez, the Yellow Ranger. It was, if she was being honest, she had never thought Trini would be her closest in their friend group. After all, Trini wasn’t exactly easy to get along with. At least, not from the start.

The lonesome girl had been wary of her, and for good reasons. Still, they did end up getting along and now she considers Trini her best friend and knows the other girl thinks of her that way as well.

Suffice to say, it wasn’t the first time the Yellow Ranger wormed her way into the other girl’s thoughts.

Still, no matter how many times it has happened, it always managed to surprise her. She wasn’t doing it on purpose, so it wasn’t something she comes to expect at times or even sought after. But, regardless, it always had a way of creeping up to her. Sometimes it came slowly and insidiously. Other times it came like a freight train that comes barreling with such unstoppable speed and force. Regardless of how those thoughts invaded, they were always impossible to ignore. There was just something about Trini—her strong sense of individuality and fierce independence, rebelliousness to conforming to societal norms and social hierarchies, the confidence she seemed to carry that belied her years, and the juxtaposition she found with her hardened facade to her soft caring attitude.

She was captivated by the way Trini carried herself; captivated by the way her lips would quirk into a genuine smile—often a rare occasion to others, but one that had become somewhat of a norm recently whenever they have hung out together; captivated by the way Trini had been treating her as of late.

And yet behind that ruggedness that she showed and the lone wolf attitude she had initially portrayed, Kimberly found a multi-faceted girl that drew her in, like a moth to that proverbial flame.

When Trini was with her, Kimberly couldn't shake the feeling of solace and peace she felt. It was like a warm embrace, a fluffy blanket of comforting presence in the midst the hectic chaos that their life had become. At the same time, there was always something lingering—like a spark just about ready to ignite—whenever they interacted, making her feel something akin to an adrenaline rush. Kimberly found herself seeking out Trini's gaze, drawn to the warmth and depth of her brown eyes, deep and soulful.

As the Pink Ranger sat there in her room, she couldn’t help but wonder why she felt that way about Trini. Why did she crave Trini's approval, seek out her company, cherish each interaction they had together? Why did she feel a sense of loss whenever Trini wasn't around. Like a piece of her was, not necessarily incomplete but, missing? It wasn’t like that with the other Rangers. And, to be honest, she doesn’t remember it being the same way with anybody else. Well, there was somebody else, but that was before he cheated on her and—

—And then, like a bolt of lightning, it hit her.

This undeniable attraction she felt towards Trini was more than just admiration, more than just respect. It felt like it had morphed—pardon the pun—from something more than just friendship and a sense of camaraderie. It was now something deeper, more profound; something simple but yet oh so complicated. Something she had never felt before with another girl.

She had feelings for Trini. Feelings that went beyond platonic, more than just mere friendship.

The thought terrified her. Her mind couldn’t quite wrap itself around such an epiphany. She had never considered herself anything but straight. She had never entertained nor imagined the thought of being attracted to another girl, much more falling in love with one. But, as she sat there in her mess of a room it, strangely and jarringly, made undeniable sense to her, like puzzle pieces being put in quick succession into place.

It frightened her as much as it elated her. It made her heart skip a bit and thundered between her rib cage. Her chest constricting and breath hitching at the realization of her own desires; of acknowledging the possibility of her own queerness and sexuality and of the path her heart had suddenly decided to open up for her.

As she wrestled with these conflicting emotions, she caught glimpse of the photo she had tacked on the wall near her desk: the photo of the Power Rangers, taken as a group, during the celebratory campfire they had after Rita’s defeat. Her eyes gravitated and fixated themselves on Trini standing next to her in the photograph, grinning widely, skin glowing with the light of the campfire’s flames, and memories of her interactions with the shorter girl flooded her mind—from their first exchange and the chase that followed and every memory since.

But one memory stood out above all others: that night at the campfire.

In the midst of Zack’s suggestion to share about themselves—a proposition that irked Kimberly at that time despite what merits may be gained, what with not wanting to talk about the whole Amanda-thing and the shame that came with what she had done—in the hopes that they would trust each other more and be able to morph, Kimberly witnessed the strength and resilience beneath the tough exterior of one Trini Gomez. She saw the vulnerability and uncertainty hidden behind Trini’s bravado. After all, it takes quite a lot of courage to speak up about one’s insecurities the way the shorter girl had.

In that moment, Kimberly had felt a sense of awe and wonder at Trini, whom she initially thought was just someone with a lot of pent up rage and angst personified in such a small body. She felt something begin to form with the Yellow Ranger and with her desire to try and emulate such strength and get to know Trini further, get her to share more, to open up more.

That connection solidified itself and grew into actual friendship when Trini pulled her locker door out of its hinges after it had been vandalized and had offered her own locker for Kimberly to use. It was an act that she didn’t think she would be receiving from anyone. Certainly not something Trini would instigate without much egging. Granted, she didn’t know much about the girl at that time, but up until then Trini was pretty much aloof with her. They talked, yes, but she didn’t get a sense that the girl had any desire to be protective of her outside of their training until that moment. So, yes, that had come as a surprise. So much so that she distinctly remembered herself being at a loss for words.

And now, as Kimberly sat there in her room, her heart heavy and wrestling with longing and uncertainty, she couldn’t help but wonder what it now all meant for her. Did she really crave for something more? It did feel that way. Did she want to do something about it? More importantly, does Trini feel the same way? Does she want to risk what she had with Trini in favor of what they could have if the feeling was mutual? What would her parents say? What would everyone think? So many questions, one after the other, bubbled up to the forefront of her mind.

Any other day and those questions would have been ones she would be avoiding for weeks, pushing it to the back of her mind in favor of what little bit of normalcy was left in her life. After all, things were changing too fast, she wanted to slow down a bit. But now, there was nothing to occupy her mind with. It was simply fixated on the possibilities that lay before her...that was, if Trini did feel the same way.

And, she knew she was reckless. She knew it was, perhaps, her fatal flaw. Her recklessness was often tied to her emotional state—on what she was feeling at the moment and that energy being converted into some spontaneous action. It was that recklessness that often landed her into all sorts of messes in the past, and would no doubt continue to do so in the future. Especially when she does something without fully analyzing the consequence her actions would bring to herself or to others.

It was that sudden impulsiveness that had Kimberly reach for her phone, unlock it, and with trembling fingers type out and send a message to Trini without so much as second guessing what she was doing.

“Hey Trini, can we talk? It’s important.”

Yeah, if things went south, she could blame it on that. Or own up to it with the fact that one of the things she had learned with this whole ordeal with Rita was she shouldn’t take things for granted; that when the time to act came, she must be decisive about it, act on it. No regrets. Because you only live once, and once should be enough.

As recent as the revelation of her feelings for her best friend was, Kimberly felt it was time for her to come into terms with them, to explore them, to understand them and herself. And who better to do that with than Trini? She just hoped the other girl felt the same way.

As the three dots appeared on her messenger signifying Trini writing a message, Kimberly felt a rush of adrenaline course through her veins.

Yes, this was uncharted territory for her. She didn’t know where this would lead her. It was the same with becoming the Pink Ranger and, well, she’d like to think she handled that as well as it she could—maybe even better than she think she would, all things considered.

Yeah, positive thoughts and all that.

With that thought in mind, she leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes, only opening them when her phone notified her of Trini’s reply.

“I’ll be there in a few,” it had said.

[blueepink07]

I've seen the collaboration with Milgram drinks and considering that they are specially personalised for each character I decided to find some symbolism in the drink's contents.

Because my last posts had been with Muu, I decided to begin with her. ~🐝

(mentions of suicide, murder! )

Translation: (It was done with some apps so I'm not very sure how good is this translation, but let's hope for the best!)

~Yuzumitsu syrup~🥤(I think it should've been yuzu and honey?)

~Lemon~🍋

~Whipped cream~🍨(the second one looks a little bit like in the photo)

~Honey~🍯

Now let's start!

~Yuzu fruit~

"Yuzu is a citrus fruit that is native to East Asia, specifically China and Japan. It is a cross between a mandarin orange and a pomelo, and is known for its unique flavor and aroma. The fruit is typically small and round, with a thin, bumpy skin that is bright yellow when ripe."

-> "Yuzu has been an important part of East Asian culture for many centuries. In Japan, the fruit has been associated with the aristocracy and the imperial court, and was often presented as a gift to the emperor."

To sum it up, Yuzu is a symbol of wealth and luxury.

This easily links to Muu as she admits that she comes from a rich family and she is often provided with everything she needs in the interrogation questions, but also in voice dramas. Even her second MV in where she is portraited as the queen bee is a good example of her higher status. Funnily enough, to fit the bee theme she is given honey in shape of larvae, which has another similarity with the description below where the emperors received Yuzu as a gift.

->"In Chinese art, yuzu has been depicted in traditional Chinese paintings, particularly those related to nature. Yuzu is depicted as a symbol of longevity and auspiciousness(promising success) ."

Again, because of Muu's higher status, she was meant to have a very successful life, if her murder never happened. She admits having received many model scouting offers due to her natural beauty and her mother's career. Also, a lot of money means that she can pay for her medical needs so, if not for some accidents or some sort, she would probably have lived a long life.

->"People heralded yuzu as a powerful fruit for more than its medicinal properties and its ability to leave your skin silky smooth after a soak. It was also regarded as auspicious due to its bright, sunny color and strong, fresh fragrance. Many believed soaking in a yuzu bath on the Winter Solstice invited health and fortune for the new year. Some even believed the powerful aroma could ward off bad luck and exorcise evil spirits!"

Okay, here a many things that I want to cover up, so I'll make it short.

Medical properties and smooth silky skin can again link to Muu being very healthy and very beautiful. But what I want to point out is the yuzu bath, which is said to ward off bad luck and exorcise evil spirits. Muu often says in her first VD that Rei was a bad person and was the actual cause of her misfortune. This fruit could be a metaphor of her crime, because Muu by murdering Rei (in her pov)she got rid of the source of her bad luck and suffering.

Even the Winter Solstice itself points this out. By the standard definition winter Solstice is marked as "the symbol of death and rebirth of the Sun". Muu is often portraited in yellow colours, so by thinking of her as the sun we can interpret this way: Muu's old bullied self died as soon as she killed Rei and was rebirthed as a more confident person freed of pain.

If Muu were a fruit, I would say that Yuzu will definitely be a perfect choice, so no wonder Milgram chose this fruit for her drink.

~Lemon~

->"The lemon has come to symbolize many — sometimes opposing — ideas, depending on the cultural reference point. Sometimes it is considered a symbol of longevity, purification, love, and friendship, and other times it is seen to be symbolic of bitterness and disappointment. Catholic tradition linked the fruit to fidelity. Because it was imported at great expense to some countries it became a symbol of wealth."

I will not explain again the longevity, purification and wealth part as it will be just me repeating myself. Instead, I will talk about friendship which is an important theme to Muu's character.

I will begin with Muu's views about it, because I think it will be a better introduction.

"Friends aren't like that you know. Rather than using each other for something, we just get along because we're comfortable around each other. That's all."

Muu thinks that friendship means to be yourself without the fear of being judged. To talk happy about silly topics, to express yourself in a comfortable atmosphere, to get along with people that understand you. At the surface, Muu's idea of friendship it's the standard definition. However, if we dig just a little bit, we easily see that Muu doesn't truly respect her ideals or rather she is using this definition to the extreme. When confronted by Es about Haruka's intention to keep her safe, Muu admits that she already knows about it. She is happy, because Haruka wants to protect her from a possible guilty verdict. After that, she explains that she will not stop him from killing himself if that's what he wishes, because according to her "Isn't friendship about letting your friends do the things they want?". Again, just by definition, it is a correct affirmation. Friendship means to help your peers achieving what they want and supporting them on their journey. But Muu takes this definition to the extreme. Friendship doesn't always imply that you should let the person you care about to do whatever they want. This is just negligence. Sometimes they need a reality check or words to convince them that what they want to do at the moment it's not the best choice and should find another solution or simply to abandon that idea.

Muu then ends her friendship talk with an interesting sentence. "Then what is friendship? You're together because it's beneficial for everyone involved, aren't you?"

By theory, what she says is true. Friendship is needed in humans life, because we can't properly live without other persons to interact with. Even if we talk about a connection that it was made simply because you share a class with and you don't want to be lonely or a relationship that actually lasts for a lifetime, they are important for our development.

In Muu's case both her and Haruka are benefiting from their friendship, not only as a way to pass time and keep sane in a magical prison, but also for their own desires. For example, Muu thinks that the most important thing that a friend should do is to listen to what she has to say, something that Haruka is actively seen doing.

(from the interrogation questions)

What's a friend in your opinion?

"People who listen carefully to what Muu has to say."

So Muu seeks people that listen to her and with whom she's comfortable in a friendship. In the second MV the scene where the "bees" are around her could be a metaphor for her wanting to be listened(after all, what a queen says never gets unnoticed), but also in this specific scene she looks the most comfortable around her friend group.

Okay, but what her friends are benefiting from this relationship? Considering how easily they betrayed her trust means that it was never a very deep connection to begin with. That's because what they gained were objects, expensive things. Muu's love language and appreciation is giving things to others. Being rich means that she can afford many items so for her it's not a big struggle. In after pain the text from her phone suggests that she gave her lipstick to one of her friends.

Also, to who she gave something to as a sign of friendship? To Haruka! The hairpin.

Her friendship at school was most likely superficial, based more on materialism, and was never a deep connection like Muu wanted. Despite that her views of friendship seem like the standard definition, because they were taken to the extreme, she didn't realized until too late that her friends were superficial and didn't care much about her.

And even after all this she still wants to see her friends again, meaning that Muu still cares somewhat about them.

"At the moment is there anyone you want to meet?"

"I want to meet my friends, but in the first place there's daddy and mom I think~"

At the same time though, she is disappointed with how everything turned out to play and how easy her friends started to bully her.

"Do you regret it?"

"Mhm, I should've chosen my friends better."

What did lemons symbolise again? Disappointment, bitterness and fidelity. What Muu feels now about her past friendship and the loyalty that she never had truly gotten, but wants to.

Lemon is a fruit that represents very well Muu's desires and it's sad that such a simple wish (friendship) was too hard to be granted.

~Whipped cream~🍨

I will not talk much about this, since there is not much to say.

Whipped cream is used a lot in desserts, sugary things. Usually, it symbolises a carefree attitude and a joyous mood. This could make a reference to Muu's actual state of mind in Milgram, her being one of the only prisoner who is still fine, both mentally and physically.

~Honey~🍯

"Honey symbolises positive things, such as abundance, wisdom, and even the word of God."

I think it is no wonder that honey is an important part in Muu's character considering the second MV.

Her second MV adds information about Muu's murder and uncovers us the revelation that she was once part of the bullying group. So based on the symbolism, we can say that honey represents truth.

But what does honey represents in her MV? Muu associates it with devotion in the lyrics, which makes sense considering the visuals. The first bee scene that we have is Muu being surrounded by other classmates. Almost all of them have a plate with honey waiting for her to delight with the food. Just one of the bees has an empty plate that doesn't get unnoticed by Muu, who with just a slight push, breaks her into pieces.

And not just the visuals and the lyrics are showing that honey means devotion and loyalty.

"She will stop from time to time in the hive, to be groomed and fed by the worker bees called her 'attendants.' They form a circle around her, and will also spread her pheromone through the hive. This queen pheromone tells the bees that she is alive and well."

The scenes from the MV are mimicking the bees in real life. Her friends, the worker bees, by giving her honey, are showing how much they value their friendship. So it's only naturally that the girl who doesn't give her honey (in Muu's point of view) it's like she's wishing for her downfall.

Another thing... (feel free to ignore, because it's just me being annoyed at the bullies) Honey symbolises sweetness in life. I can't shake the feeling that by giving Muu this sweet honey, they are flattering her so they can receive more expensive things. Even the text on the phone seems like the friends are complimenting her too much?

Anyway, back to the analysis!

Also I want to point out the shape of the honey, which are bee larvae. Normally, the queen bee is the one that makes them to assure that the colony is prosperous. Instead, Muu eats them, indicating how her friends circle is slowly diminishing and, in the world of bees, the colony is slowly wiped out.

It doesn't help that Muu's actively destroying the colony by breaking the worker bees into pieces. If Muu and her friend group believe that the respective classmate is treating them badly or "betraying from jealousy", they are cutting ties with that person removing them from the friend circle and target them as the new victim of bullying. A good example is the short haired girl from the thumbnail, which resembles a lot the first bee with the empty plate.

Basically, Muu believes that if a classmate is treating her badly she is being bullied by them, so her deciding to bully them back is a sign of revenge. Her voice drama also implies this assumption.

"You see, if you think that me bullying someone back after being bullied is the natural course of events, then wouldn't it be bad to bully me back again in return?"

To sum it up:

classmate (doesn't value the friendship/does something that Muu and the friend group dislikes) is a bully in their Pov -> they bully back as an act of revenge

Rei is interfering(wants to stop the bullying)-> Muu is the new victim of bullying and is betrayed by her closest friends

Muu thinks the only way to escape is by killing herself -> ends up killing Rei (revenge)

Muu implies that by giving her a guilty verdict we basically are telling her that it was wrong for her to seek revenge. However, it also means that Rei was wrong to instigate the bullying, again, as an act of revenge.

"But if you were like, "I won't forgive you, Muu! Revenge is bad!," then wouldn't that imply that it's also bad for me to bully someone back after they bullied me? Since we've all done something bad anyway, doesn't that mean that I've not done anything wrong in the end?"

And she ends her argument with the fact that she and her victim are even, meaning that she didn't do anything wrong.

Now that we have the bullying part cleared up, let's end this with the last scene from the MV were honey appears.

Throughout the MV, we see that the queen cell above Muu is glowing when she is eating honey. That is the place were all the honey is deposited and is spilled out when the fully developed Muu with wings escapes.

In the first MV the hourglass was used to represent how much Muu could endure the pain until she would've suffocated(literally). That queen cell could symbolise the same thing. When Muu escapes, the honey that was once a sign of friendship and loyalty was now suffocating her due to the fakeness and the betrayal of her friends. She is no longer looking at the spilled honey, and is happy that she can finally break free since there is nothing left in the broken hourglass(not even her three closest friends).

Honey is a good representation of trust and devotion. It showed the truth of the situation, how too much sweetness in one's life could cause someone to "suffocate" in the lies hidden in it (in this case, the false friendship that Muu believed she had).

Thank you for reading! ~🐝

Credits

[nighttimeebony]

Complaining about the love triangle in Wednesday, and complaining about Xavier and Tyler's (but mostly Xavier's) existence as characters. Spoilers and bitching below the cut.

I just don’t understand how two characters with actual superpowers managed to be so boring and unoriginal. Especially Xavier, who was already established as having a connection with Wednesday from their childhood. And considering his superpowers, they could have made it so that his personality compliments his superpowers, like we see with other characters.

Bianca is a siren, so she’s charismatic, confident, and ruthless. It makes sense that the school’s queen bee is a siren. Enid is a werewolf, so her personality is exactly like that of an energetic puppy; she’s friendly, sociable, but she’s also got more than a bit of a temper when provoked.

Xavier can make his artwork come to life, but he also has prophetic dreams, so he’s… mopey and emotionless. He’s not even creepy.

Since we know that he and Wednesday met when they were children, he could have been creepy and macabre like her and the rest of her family. If Xavier was allowed to be creepy or even remotely weird, he would have made for a nice contrast to the other characters’ friendliness while also giving Wednesday something familiar to help her navigate an unfamiliar environment.

Xavier also could have been one of the reasons why Wednesday would actually want to stay at Nevermore aside from the murder mystery she feels compelled to solve. While Wednesday does grow to love and appreciate characters like Enid and Eugene, at the start, Wednesday and Enid have basically nothing in common, and Enid seems to just get on her nerves more than anything else.

If you went the creepy, kooky and altogether ooky route with Xavier’s personality, Enid could then be the friend that gets Wednesday out of her comfort zone, while Xavier could be the friend that she just feels naturally comfortable with. She’d have someone that she could trade banter and dark jokes with, the only person that isn’t immediately put-off by her, the first person she meets outside of her family that would just get her. Then the romance between them would actually make sense.

And they could have done this!

One of Wednesday’s first real smiles of the series is when Xavier reminds her of the day they met at the funeral. But no. Xavier had to spend the rest of the season being weirdly infatuated with Wednesday, despite him having no reason to be, and also playing into the “nice guy” trope when Wednesday doesn’t return his feelings.

The show never even attempts to make you care about either Xavier or Tyler. Sure, Tyler has dead mom syndrome, but Tyler never expresses how he actually feels about it. He never reminisces on any fond memories he might have had of his mother or anything he knows about her, a fact that is especially weird in a show that uses family to develop its characters.

Wednesday is a character basically defined by the family she’s apart of, and in the show she is desperate to get out from her parents’ shadow (a weird choice, but at least a choice was made). But more than that, it’s established that she readily protects people from bullies because of the way her brother was bullied at school. While she states that she wants nothing more than to escape her parents’ shadow, it’s also shown that she inherited a lot of her interests and values from her parents, and that she would not be the person she is without them.

Enid’s biggest insecurity is the fact that she hasn’t “wolfed out” yet like the rest of her siblings, and that it has estranged her from her family and made her a source of disappointment for her mother.

Bianca’s whole character conflict is the fact that her mother is a cult leader that uses her siren abilities to manipulate her followers, and she’s trying to make Bianca follow in her footsteps, which Bianca fiercely rebels against.

But Xavier? We know literally nothing about his family, his past, or if he even has a life outside of Wednesday. Like, the only story from his past is the story of how he met Wednesday. We later learn that he and Bianca used to date, but why? We never learn the reason why they got together, but we know the reason they broke up: Xavier dumped her because he thought she was using her Siren powers on him (which she wasn’t). Great, so the only thing we learn from that is that Xavier is a racist dick and that Bianca, apparently, has no taste in men, considering that she spends a frustratingly long amount of time trying to get back together with him.

The reveal of this relationship only brings up more questions than it actually answers. Why did they get together? What did Bianca ever see in Xavier? Why did Xavier get into a relationship with her in the first place if the reason he broke up with her was because he thought she was manipulating him? But also, what evidence did he have to come to this conclusion in the first place? Especially if we know that Bianca wasn’t manipulating him?? Which, if we’re following that line of thought, what did Xavier even like about Bianca? All we ever learn about their relationship is one line of dialogue from Bianca, where she says that they were “good together”, but were they? How? It just doesn’t make any sense, and it’s really stupid.

The more I think about Xavier as a character, the angrier he makes me, because he really was just so unnecessary. The only use he has is to set up a love triangle and be an alternative suspect in Wednesday’s investigation. Basically, he only exists to get framed and make Wednesday feel vaguely guilty about inadvertently arresting the wrong person.

[f1inl3ey]

Here’s some headcanons for tbp characters that no one asked for

Finney

Obsessed with queen

Allergic to bees

HATES pineapple

Autistic

Special interest is space

Severe anxiety

Braids Gwen’s hair every morning

Has a box in his closet full of plushies that he put away after being made fun of bc of them

Once him and Gwen swapped rooms without their dad knowing (like literally swapped furniture and everything)

Works at a graveyard when he’s 20 as a half time job while he’s at uni

Becomes an astronomer

Hates having long nails. Cuts them all the time

Only Robin knew about his dad so after he died he could only rely on Gwen since he didn’t want to tell donna that kind of stuff

Bisexual

Robin

Convinced finney to grow out his hair a bit

Follows finney around after he gets out and the other ghost boys find it weird and creepy

Dyslexic

His bandana reeks bc he never takes it off unless he’s sleeping or doing anything that could get it wet

3/4 of his closet is t shirts that he’s cut the sleeves off of

ADHD

Nice when he’s not beating someone up and everyone thinks it’s weird

Tried to skateboard once and sprained his ankle

Extremely selfless (ex. Denies all help from everyone when sick or hurt)

Weirdest music taste, it’s all over the place

Literally no musical ability at all

Hands are always clammy (is that how u spell it?) it annoys everyone

Stole his uncles truck once

Gay

Bruce

Selfless

Surrounds his whole life with what he thinks his parents would find disappointing and tries to avoid doing those things but stops after his friends told him that it wasn’t healthy

OCD

Hides in Amy’s room when he’s sad and watches her go about her daily routine. It makes him feel better.

Loves dogs

Amy covers for him when he sneaks out and he does her chores for a week after to repay her

Room is messy but clean at the same time

Writes the most vile insults about people in Japanese in his favourite notebook

Hates metal and paper straws

Collects baseball cards

Obsessed with solitaire. Plays it daily

Puts ice in every drink he possibly can

Likes sherbet

Doesn’t like labels but says he likes both boys and girls

Vance

Him and Bruce used to be friends until he pushed Bruce away

Severe daddy issues

Mummy issues but also doesn’t have mummy issues at the same time

Chews gum constantly

Graffitis trains

Autistic

Special interest is pinball

Bpd

As gay as one can be

Major feminist bc of his mum

HATES sleeves

Actually really smart and has good grades. He only stayed back 2 years because of the amount of suspensions he was getting

Literally screaming for help (subtly) but no one is listening

Billy

Several near death experiences

Vitamin deficiency

Was best friends with griffin way before they got kidnapped. Was absolutely crushed when he found out he was missing

His dog is his comfort

Hates his neighbours

Delivers newspapers to robin

Mummy issues

Reads books that are at least an inch thick

Collects rocks

Knows there’s something mentally wrong with him but doesn’t care enough to actively seek out a diagnosis or an answer

Mood disorder

Always carrying a pack of mints around

Aroace

Likes sour candy

Griffin

Iron deficiency

His dad died when he was little and he currently lives with his mum

Once tried to eat a crayon

Social anxiety

Puts beads on his shoelaces

Excoriation disorder/dermatillomania ( a form of ocd where an individual compulsively picks at their skin)

Always had to be sent home because he was sick. Never had enough money to go to a doctor

Gwen talked to him during a boring assembly once but they never became friends or talked to each other again

Spent lunch in the boys toilets or in his favourite teachers classroom

Weirdly obsessed with English, loves correcting people on their grammar or spelling and learning new words

Billy was his safe person. He’d always go to Billy when he was upset.

Once got so bored that he stared at the clock in his house for 3 hours

Extremely rough hands

Thinks too much. Comes out with the weirdest shit like “how do dreams work”

Gwen

Grows up to realise that she’s on the acespec

When she first met Robin she didn’t like him but then they started talking about finney together and she warmed up to him very quickly

LOVES Donna. Warms up to her very quickly and every time she’s over, hanging out with finney she always drags her away from him to do her hair and play dolls with her

Collects bracelets

As a teenager she starts to put posters of her celebrity crushes on her wall

Loves the Beatles and David Bowie

As soon as the ‘talking with psychopaths’ book series came out her and finney became obsessed with it.

Allergic to nuts. Specifically peanuts (poor gwenny she can’t have Nutella)

Actually hates when people call her Gwendolyn. She just prefers Gwen

Likes thriller movies over horror

She’s a hoarder

Becomes obsessed with paranormal activity shows

When she graduates high school she goes on a road trip and calls it the ‘the drive of ‘87’ (I think that’s around the time she should graduate high school)

She’s the type of person that can sleep anywhere. And I mean anywhere

Donna

My girl is a raging bisexual and you cannot tell me otherwise

She thinks of Gwen as the little sister she never had

She loves partys but she wouldn’t sneak out just to go to one. She’d rather get her well deserved beauty rest

Blondie stan

Has a 15 step skin care routine and a 9 step hair care routine

The biggest bookworm. She goes to cinemas with the book of the movie she’s watching just to see how much the movie missed

Her and Gwen bond over their love for the Beatles and when she stays the night in Gwen’s room they scream the lyrics to the entire abbey road album and finney finds it so annoying

Converse high tops is her go to shoe. She loves her high tops and has all the colours she can get

Her and finney bond over queen, they argue over who the best band member is

My girl loves the smell of lavender. She owns anything lavender that she can get her hands on. Even her perfume is lavender

She prefers listening to finney and Gwen talk over everyone else

Collects charms and puts all the ones she’s collected on the same necklace that she wears daily. She even has a charm in the shape of a moon that finney and Gwen got her for her 14th birthday

Loves crystals. Thinks they’re the prettiest things ever

Listens to podcasts all the time

This was longer than I expected but it’s fine

[tsuki-chibi]

Ladynoir July 2023 Day 13: In the Dark

Read all the entries on AO3

--

“I never thought I’d say this, but I would give my allowance for the next three years to have the night back,” Queen Bee announced. She was sitting there with her eyes shut and her hands pressed over her eyes, but even that didn’t seem to be enough to keep the light out. Chat knew exactly how she felt.

“Don’t get discouraged. At least the light makes it easy for us to see everything the akuma is doing,” Ladybug said, clearly trying to force some cheer into her voice.

“I don’t think that’s helping,” Chat said, letting his shoulders slump. He also shut his eyes, pressing his face to his knees. The world outside of his eyelids was so unbearably bright though, that the light seemed to seep in even in his protective position.

Today’s akuma appeared to be terrified of the dark. It’s whole body appeared to be coated with millions of fireflies that were so brightly lit that the akuma was genuinely painful to look at. It had taken Chat several minutes to get the dancing spots out of his eyes after stupidly looking right at the akuma. It was like looking at the sun.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, every light in Paris had been cranked up to eleven. Even the sun seemed brighter than usual. Not a single part of the city was cast in shadows anymore. It was after midnight, yet the sun was higher in the sky and it was brighter out than it sometimes was at noon. There was no sign of the moon. The sun had just kept shining away.

“Maybe that’s the problem,” Rena said.

“What do you mean?” Ladybug asked.

“Well, if we can see everything the akuma is doing, they can see everything we’re doing,” Rena said reasonably. Chat lifted his head to look at her. In addition to her usual fox costume, she was wearing a pair of sunglasses. Queen Bee had bought several pairs from a store after realizing that they couldn’t exactly fight an akuma if they couldn’t see because it was too bright. The sunglasses helped, but only a little.

“That makes sense,” Ladybug said slowly. “This would be easier in the dark. But… how can we make that happen?”

They all looked at each other cluelessly.

“A giant umbrella?” Chat offered lamely.

“A tent?” Rena suggested.

Queen Bee just shrugged.

Ladybug sighed and drummed her fingers on the rooftop. “Even if I cast my charm and we did get something like that this time, how could we make the akuma stay under it?” she wondered. “Wouldn’t the akuma just move out from underneath a tent and an umbrella?”

“Oh, right,” Rena said, sounding disappointed.

“Hang on,” Chat said. “What if we combined something like that with Carapace’s Shellter? The akuma wouldn’t be able to escape from the dark if there was a barrier keeping them in, right?”

“That’s brilliant!” Ladybug exclaimed excitedly, clapping her hands. “Okay. You three keep an eye on the akuma. Try to herd it towards – um – towards the park near the school. I’ll go get Carapace. We’ll meet you there. I’ll cast my charm and hope that Tikki’s been listening and gives us just what we need.”

“Good luck!” Chat called after her as Ladybug scrambled up and away. He had no doubt that their plan would work perfectly.

But as he turned back to Rena and Queen Bee, who were both looking at him with baffled expressions, one problem occurred to him.

How on earth were they supposed herd this akuma to the park when they couldn’t even look at it?!

[juneviews]

axelle judges non bl shows > The Warp Effect

summary: Alex is a 17 years old virgin who ruins his classmates' lives in one night. When he wakes up, he is now a 30 years old gynecologist who needs to fix the past.

where to watch it: youtube

grade: 8/10

pros:

I really loved the approach to sex in this show, in this very open, non-judgemental & diverse way. it represented multiple types of sexualities & approaches to sex, which was pretty much unseen in thai dramas until then. just for that fact, it's a one of the most important thai dramas of the last decade.

the acting is very good. everyone did a great job, were silly when needed, hot when needed, and emotional when needed. of course my queen fah carried the entire show, and sing slayed the more emotional scenes as always, but everyone did a great job.

the chemistry is amazing for every couple, and they really sold their pairings & the sex scenes without feeling cheap or oversexualized.

the show talks about so many important topics: it's the first thai drama EVER to depict a successful & happy abortion, it canonically has a bisexual female lead, explores sexual trauma, fat-shaming & being non-binary which, again, has never been seen before in thailand. it's truly a show that aims to normalize difference & give so many minorities representation which was beautiful to witness.

cons:

undoing all of alex's actions in the end felt so disappointing... not only does it mean the reality we witnessed for 12 episodes didn't happen, but also it really cheapens jean's trauma since it's undone instead of alex having to deal with the consequences of his actions. having alex & jean end up together felt so wrong since imo there was too much water under the bridge for them, and jean & tony had more chemistry and were healthier. also having kat end up with tony when she didn't want a romantic relationship before was also a disappointing choice, since it was really cool to see a 'queen bee' type of character not define her success with her relationships with men.

the characters aren't overly lovable like in every p'jojo ensemble shows, since they have very little time to get explored, but here it's even more present imo bc even alex, the main character we follow most of the time, is kinda super bland & the least interesting character from the bunch.

would I rewatch it: maybe

Even though the ending disappointed me, this show is really important still and I still enjoyed it a lot. I would recommend it for the great diverse representation & openness to sex :)

[theliterarywolf]

I've watched the latest episode and tbh, seeing this makes Loona’s speech make more sense. And understandable for why her reaction was like that during Seeing Stars. With those Mean Girl Hellhounds, I would probably have that attitude as well.

Aside from the orphanage of course.

It was such a good episode.

And yet people were complaining about Queen Bee I being... Fat? Because of Gluttony? I'm sorry but aren't there other things that are considered Gluttony? Or how EVERYONE IGNORED THAT THIS ISN’T ANYTHING SPETACULAR?! Like... Did I get an aneurysm? Or did I go into an alternate universe?

I saw those takes.

And while I can understand where a few of them are coming from with their disappointment of wanting Beelzebub to be a plus-sized character, the notion of 'oh, anything relating to Gluttony has to be fat' is really limiting.

Have these people never heard of people who down six bottles of wine a day but are still rail thin? That's a type of gluttony.

There are people who gorge themselves on food but never gain a pound. That's also gluttony.

So, yeah.

Also, can we address people saying that Bee-Elzebub is Viv's self-insert? She already has one: Deerie. That's why they're her PFP.

[clarasghosts]

i am five episodes in now, so i feel ready to write a critical post, but it won't be too spoilery. wednesday has been an unfortunate disappointment. it's lacking all the humor and energy of the sitcom and 90s films (i haven't read the original comics), and seems to miss the point of them entirely. it really feels like the only addams family story tim burton has ever interacted with is addams family values, but that he also misunderstood the film entirely. wednesday in the 90s films is a fun character! she is not allergic to the concept of fun! while morticia and gomez are always incredibly kind and understanding, we saw wednesday in the films grow into someone more suspicious of others than her parents, which is a fine way to distinguish her character from theirs. in values, though, she is not being contrary for contrary's sake. wednesday doesn't hate that people are having a good time at the summer camp, her hatred of them is the film being critical of 90s conservatives and white suburban conformity. wednesday is the champion of the outcasts and the voice of reality.

what is wednesday the series being critical of? it claims patriarchy, but it's only critical of that in the vaguest, most ineffective sense. it fully feels like wednesday's declaration to never fall in love or marry is seen as a flaw in her that the show intends to fix, rather than a normal life experience for a lot of people (also, why is it that every teen girl story involves romance? are teen girls allowed to have other adventures?? starting to realize beetlejuice is burton's best work, actually). wednesday criticizes her mother for being a housewife, and while morticia being a housewife is a product of the time in which the character was invented, it also dismisses the fact that gomez is essentially a househusband. literally both gomez and morticia spend all their time at home pursuing the things they want to pursue. they are living the dream. morticia doesn't need a job; she spends the whole sitcom practicing different art forms. kind of like, you know, wednesday in the series wanting to be a writer.

if wednesday (both the character and the show) wanted to fight the patriarchy, why did she spend the entire first episode antagonizing every girl she came across, and only befriending boys? she straight up not-like-other-girls-ed herself. wednesday finding out that bianca is the queen bee, and then immediately making her the enemy is not subversive. it's clear that the show is developing bianca into a more complex character, which is good, but even that is not subversive. it's been done a million times. a more subversive (and addams world) tactic would have been for bianca to be a friendly queen bee, and for her and wednesday to quickly become friends. they're both matched in skill and intelligence, so it's awful how the show tries to pit them against each other. while it is good that the show does seem to want to maybe criticize that, nevermore is supposed to be a school of outcasts, is it not? so why is it being developed the exact same way as every other high school in american media? where's the flavor? why is this school itself not a fun subversion, with the town set up as its real-world reflection that it criticizes?

and again, if the show wanted to criticize the patriarchy, it could have taken a stronger stance against tyler getting upset that wednesday was 'sending him mixed signals'. no she wasn't! she was being friendly, like a normal person. a girl being friendly is not her inviting romantic advances, and it's incredibly entitled for tyler to get upset that she didn't ask him to the dance. but instead of the show pointing out how bullshit that is, it had thing apologize on wednesday's behalf. that's stupid at best, and dangerous at worst.

lastly, gomez and morticia. while both actors are decent choices for their roles, it feels like they forgot to do a chemistry test with them. but that aside, i don't know why the show wants to butcher their characters, especially morticia. gomez, at least, is fun, and the show acknowledges that he's a great father. but pitting wednesday against morticia? morticia has always been wholly supportive of her children's endeavors - i am trying to give the show the benefit of the doubt here, since wednesday is a teenager, and may be going through an awkward rebellious period (though what is she rebelling against, even? the whole family is a rebellious period). and they completely forgot to make morticia fun.

[kisilinramblings]

ppl say tht chloe's redemption was taken away because thomas was upset that chloe got more popular than marinette, did that actually happen?

I feel like I have seen that question before. Anyway, I'm tired of Chloé's stans spreading misinformation because they are angry that the story didn't got the way they expected. You can be disappointed at the character, but her betrayal was not a surprise. It was built. And her receiving officially the Bee Miraculous was the beginning of the end. Not because Thomas hated her, but Chloé (as a fictional character) is self-centered and entitled and she wants glory and fame -- in other words, be exceptional -- over anything else.

She never apologized to the class, to Marinette. Chloé never reflected what she could do as a civilian to be helpful to others (not starting mess is a bare minimum and actual common sense most people are supposed to have from the beginning). She instead wore her superhero status like a VIP card and wanted to be treated like a star. Her story is one of ego. Not of redemption.

Also, pretty sure the kids -- the actual target audience -- way prefer the main characters over Chloé. After all, as a kid, did you like bully characters? Or did you sympathize more with the hero because you were bullied yourself?

Does that mean that bullies cannot be 3 dimensional characters? Of course not. They can have have moments where they do shine or be vulnerable. But if a character wants to stop being a bully, then they have to agree they have to change and reflect on themselves and work on them. It's a constant work in progress. It's not about doing nice things until they got what they wanted, and they stop doing any work. And it is back to Despair Bear that was the cautionnary tale at the very start of S2. Way before Queen Bee was introduced in-canon.

[firespirited]

I wasn't able to do what I wanted today but still very pleased.

Yesterday Lily needed an emergency close trim so we could find out if she had splinters or something in her legs and feet (she gets dreadlocks overnight if we don't get her fully dry after a walk in dew or puddles) as she started limping at the end of yesterday's walk, we were crossing a car park and she suddenly slowed down and was keeping weight off one leg. Turns out she has a slight tendinitis above the little nubbin above the front paw, slightly swollen and pink - she's not in pain but we've decided to carry her downstairs to the front lawn instead of walks until the swelling goes down. The trim was delicate work so that set off the neck. The carrying counts towards 'total shoulder use' for the day so no crochet for a while.

+Managed to locate some lost doll eyes which have now been moved to the "eye" zipper bag. Thought i just had the one set but there are two and also some lovely 10mm dark brown eyes for the mermaze whenever I get around to that. it's funny how distressing losing things can be like part of you has decided to drive the other part slightly mad. What a relief!

+My favourite winter trousers are made of wool, by the time I realised they were great and worth getting twice, they'd sold out and I've never seen anything like them again. Over time they got small holes and were partially threadbare at the crotch where you get chub rub. I was thinking about maybe patching them but rethought it after realising they're saggy enough that rehemming the crotch down the legs about 12cm on either side with a slight diagonal at the end to fade into the original hem would be good. It's nice and tough and seamless. 👌

+Compromised on a chore I couldn't complete: Instead of trying all my t-shirts at once, I've been wearing each one at night and deciding if they're too loose. Put them in the wash after. Gradually putting all the too oversized ones to the right of my lil closet regardless of sentimental value. They served me well, they don't fit anymore. Thank you, goodbye (well my sister might claim a few, there's a v neck that looks like nurse Chappelle from Star Trek TOS I'll miss that one).

+End of year hobby or accomplishment 'assessments' always annoy me to bits at first, I start getting miserable and grouchy and then pick up as soon as I actually get down to concrete stuff not the "woulda coulda shouldas". I got the big grumble out of my system and noticed that may-june was the turning point of accepting new limitations and deciding to enjoy gunky bundles of dolls even if I don't customize them all, even if it takes more patience and smaller batches of cleanup. A former client also used the reroot kit i made her to learn, starting with a unravelled yarn I sent and has been doing gorgeous work since. She has such great taste, I did love working for her.

+I've accepted that intracommunity fraud and abuse has always been a problem instead of just being super disappointed in the past 3 or 4 activists with dirty secrets. Unlearning hierarchies and building judgement-free safety nets like community funds, places to stay etc has to be part of the way forward or else people look for leadership or feel they have no-one to turn to and get 'saved' by folks with dodgy intentions. That means fighting for secular, inclusive, accessible shelters and resources even for annoying freaky obnoxious overly needy people. It means rejecting charismatic leaders in favour of committee based decision making even if it's slower and looks less decisive to the centrists. These are patterns of thinking ingrained from childhood in how we think about organising or spirituality or even hobbies.

No we don't need a queen bee. It might take us a few votes to get there but we *will* make decisions by consensus - without pastors/presidents because leadership in western culture is not remotely about serving the people in the actual practice. If I can find a way to communicate one political principle next year it'll be the importance of decentralised work. Little people doing big things slowly not saviours who do some big magic. Every health inspector, every school board member making sure the new building is wheelchair accessible and not built with junk materials. The people making sure medical books include symptoms on black skin. The people who fight to get a piece of road a new speed limit or traffic lights. That sort of 'small' work that saves lives.

+I've had to put off the flu vaccine due to an immune drop. I'd been waffling as I don't have a huge amount of contacts... but as soon as small wounds start healing normally, I'm getting my carer to take me to the pharmacy. Can't trust my neighbours or carer. That's one solid decision made.

+Sis requested that I decorate the Christmas tree as she's not been well but it really matters to her. I asked if I could do just white and silver on the dark green plastic tree - was told that's "not festive or fun" but I asked that she at least see it first. I worked on the settee with the 1m tree beside me so I wouldn't have to use my shoulders (i dumpster dived and scrubbed it in January, it's the biggest we've ever had since childhood. I got sis a mini tree that would move with us instead.). It turned out 'classy' and 'surprisingly very pretty'. 😁😎😘

+I need to find warm boots. Not sure how to go about it as the ones from the same brand as the shoes are sold out and the order cancelled. I'm going to try second hand and keep looking at men's hiking and snow shoes as they'll have the width and flat soles needed. Still no way of getting to an actual thrift or shoe store. I've donated several pairs of lovely but not right for my posture boots and hope they found good homes.

+Another resolution is to take any guilt i feel from donation request posts and go look at how they're living before I spiral. This isn't about my general circle here on tumblr. You all are doing the mostest on so little.

But in april when that youtuber did a donation drive, there had just been a couple of other people asking for money and i'd felt really awful. Then later i'd actually clicked the full link and the ask was more than I live off for months, people living way above their means, people not thinking to put their fun money aside for their pet's inevitable needs. This spring Lily wasn't doing great and I was considering how to proceed when she's gone: If I have the savings and energy necessary to properly care for a dog. At the time I was unable to carry her to go outside when she struggled with stairs and the vet bills for a full x-ray to dx arthritis and pain meds were double what they were just 3 years ago for Ginger.

I don't know how to work it into a routine but I'm done being guilted by people who don't think a pet comes with expenses or who take a trip or spend massively instead of having even a tiny cushion for the next emergency. Of course I don't mean people living from paycheck to paycheck, disabled folks who can't have savings, let alone 'no treats ever, no avocado toast' but we're not talking about a roommate running out on the rent or a medical emergency just terrible financial literacy and aggressive demands for help. Worst was one person got sick from a convention where they partied unmasked, travelled unmasked then weren't able to do a gig job they'd planned to pay it off because they were on credit the whole time and then were like "I'm multiply marginalised you all owe me and it's your fault my pets will die" but worded cleverly enough to get past my defenses and red flags until a careful re-read of surrounding context. 😬

I've gotten high on the relative safety of the past few years, mostly emotional safety and free healthcare safety and forgotten that this is a very carefully curated safety by living frugal in maladaptive ways so when the washing machine dies it's not the apocalypse it's just a lot of extra work. I don't want to be the asshole that says learn to spend better. But maybe I'm not the asshole for dismissing your post when you're asking someone who you wouldn't ask if you had any idea.

[hournites]

“This is the first time I’m spending the holidays with someone I actually like.” For StarShiv?

Cindy sits at the small kitchen-table set out for herself, Mike and Jakeem. She idly taps her fingers against the festive tablecloth as she zones out to the blinking lights of Courtney's family's quaint Christmas Tree. It's nice to be here, even though she's been trying hard not to admit it. As much as she needs to roll her eyes at Mike and Jakeem's antics, she likes them. And weirdly enough, even when he's busy making googly eyes at her, Cindy doesn't mind Jakeem because he's so close to Mike. And she doesn't mind Mike, because, as this Summer had taught her among many other things, he means so much to Courtney. And Courtney, as frustratingly optimistically pep-in-her-step as she was, is the first person Cindy has ever had in her life to truly care about what happens to her. The first person that really knows her, not the fake queen bee bitch their school sees her as. Who understands just a little bit the little girl she's once been. The first person who bothers to see past the knife in her arm and the whites in her hair, and now the serpent eyes with what she now knows isn't pity. It was never pity.

With compassion.

And somehow, even when she scares her friends. When she disappoints her...She comes back. She somehow still cares. Cindy doesn't get it, but she'd much rather live in that confusion and be welcomed into the fold than sit alone during the holidays in her empty house with...no one.

"Hey." Courtney sits in the chair that used to be Jakeem's. She smiles at her, leaning in to talk to her in that cute way she always does. "You look happy."

Cindy blinks out of her thoughts. She stares at her nails, then gently sets them on her lap. "Believe it or not, this is the first time I'm spending the holidays with someone I actually like."

"Really?" Courtney beams at her and Cindy feels heat flush to her face. She grips the glass with sparkling apple cider and peers down in it, pretending to be annoyed. "But it would be much better if we actually were drinking mulled wine instead of this...kiddie juice."

"Sure." Courtney sees right through her sass. "So I guess that means you're also above building a gingerbread house with me."

Courtney doesn't wait for Cindy's answer, turning around to pull out a huge kit from a reusable bag. She raises her eyebrows expectantly when she undoes the flap, pulling out the disassembled sheets. Cindy sighs and unsheathed her shiv to cut through the plastic wrap of the flat brown ginger-family.

"Maybe not," she says with a smile.

Courtney grins smugly, already creating a mess. "Maybe not," she echoes back.