#rated T for menstruation mention

[aidanchaser]

When You Let A [Kitty Cat] Cure Your Bellyache

part of the @mlsquaredance 2023 Buffet Remixes

Remixed from When You Let A Ladybug Cure Your Bellyache by wyomingparmesan (@wyomingparmesan)

beta'd by @rosekasa

Read on Ao3 or below

Adrien was having a miserable day, but he knew what would make it better. It was practically second nature by now to set his phone to play a recording of his practice sessions, drop it on the music desk of his piano, and slip out the window all in the single breath of, “Plagg, claws out!”

It wasn’t just becoming Chat Noir that made his day better. It was a specific rooftop on a specific balcony that was home to a specific friend.

Time with Marinette always cheered him up. It was so easy to become lost in whatever project she was working on, or even just to indulge in the warm comfort of her parents’ baking. Her smile was infectious, her stress was overwhelming, and her food was perfection. It was the best escape he could think of.

But when he arrived on the roof of Tom and Sabine’s Boulangerie and Patisserie, the balcony was empty. There was no sign of Marinette with school work spread around her, or sketches of her latest project, or freshly made snacks.

He supposed it wasn’t fair of him to assume that she would be home on a Sunday. She had friends, friends that she was allowed to see and hang out with. But, unable to help himself, he peeked through her window. In the gap between the flimsy pink curtains, he could see her lying on her bed, fully dressed, on top of her covers.

He used his baton to double-check the time. Ten in the morning seemed a bit early for a nap.

He put his hand on the window pane, merely to steady himself, but it fell open beneath his touch. He tumbled inside, and his quick reflexes turned a disastrous fall into a neat tuck and roll. He popped up at Marinette’s bedside and merely stared down at her, unsure how to introduce himself after that entrance.

She wasn’t napping. She looked right up at him, eyes furrowed confusion, with one hand pressed against her stomach and the other half-way to a box of bonbons.

Chat Noir’s first instinct was to apologize for entering unannounced and uninvited, but the chaotic urge for quips was always so much more pressing than his lifetime of lessons on good manners. “You’ll get sick if you eat too many of those,” he said.

Marinette pouted up at him and popped another bonbon in her mouth. “When did you become a doctor?”

“Last week,” he said. “Left my labcoat at home, though. Let’s see… I think the diagnosis is… lazy Sunday morning?”

She rolled her eyes. She looked uncannily like Ladybug when she made that face, which only made him grin. His day of distraction was already going excellently.

“I’m not having a lazy Sunday,” she grumbled, “I’m…” but she didn’t finish. “It’s… just a stomachache,” she finally said, and reached for another chocolate.

Chat Noir opened his mouth tell her that maybe soup would be a better choice than chocolates if she had a stomachache—medical doctor or not, he at least knew that much—when it occurred to him that maybe she had exactly the sort of stomachache chocolate would help with.

So instead of another attempt at wit, he collapsed right onto her stomach, stretching the wrong way across her bed.

“Oomph—Chat!” She groaned and tried to shove him off, but he only settled in.

“Consider me your purr-sonal heating pad,” he grinned.

“You dork,” she grunted and shoved him again. But she didn’t protest any further. Instead, she rested her hands on his back. One of her fingers fidgeted aimlessly with his belt.

“Is it working?” he asked.

She was silent for a long moment before finally admitting, “Yes.”

He grinned and closed his eyes as her hand drifted from the small of his back, up his neck, and into his hair. A low rumble started in his chest and curled around the back of his throat—a quiet, contented purr. His purrs were rare things, only finding their way out of his chest when he was perfectly content, and that didn’t happen very often.

“How’d you know this would help?” she murmured as her fingers played lazily with his ears, mimicking the twirling her other hand was still doing around his belt.

He folded his hands under his chin and tipped his head up, into her touch. “My mom used to get really bad stomach pains,” he said. “My dad would buy her chocolates and wine and flowers.” He bit down on his tongue, afraid he might say too much and give himself away.

It wasn’t just his father that would comfort his mother through her aches. Adrien used to curl up in his mother’s lap and watch her movies with her. He’d spend an entire day curled up against her, warm and content in her embrace. When he was younger, he’d felt guilty for liking when his mother would get ill, but she had explained to him that it wasn’t really an illness. It was a chronic condition, related to her inability to have children, and she’d told him that he was her miraculous angel. She’d often called him an angel, but that was the first time he had almost believed her.

Marinette’s hands stilled in his hair and on the small of his back. “You’ve never talked about your family before.”

“Well—secret identity and all.” And it occurred to him that he had stopped purring.

She shifted beneath him in an attempt to sit up. He rolled over ever so slightly, still pinning her legs down, still providing warmth and pressure as she curled over him.

“It sounds like your dad really loves your mom,” she finally said.

“Yeah, he did. I mean—he does.”

Marinette tipped her head and furrowed her brow as she looked down at him, but before she could ask him any more questions, he shifted his weight and dug an elbow into her thigh. She flinched and reflexively jerked her knees up into his gut, throwing him off of her.

He tumbled to the floor and gave her an upside down grin. Her concentrated expression, though, was unfooled.

But she didn’t ask anymore questions. Instead, she scooted over before laying back down, careful to make enough room for him on the bed next to her.

Chat Noir accepted her invitation.

As he laid down beside her, he pressed one hand into her stomach and tucked the other one behind his head, creating his own makeshift pillow and ignoring the dozens Marinette had clustered at the head of her bed. He ran the pads of his fingers along the curve of her stomach, softly but firmly.

Her eyes remained fixed on the ceiling, but she dropped one hand over his shoulder so she could continue playing with his ears. The other found its way to his hand on her stomach, where it trailed absently along the lines of his tight, leather-like gloves that cloaked his hands.

He couldn’t help but wonder, as he so often had with Ladybug, what it would be like to feel her skin against his properly.

In a voice hardly above a whisper, she said, “Thank you, Chat.”

“Any time,” he murmured against her cheek.

“You know if…” She gnawed on her lower lip and Chat Noir had to stifle a smile. He always loved watching Marinette work through a difficult problem. She didn’t have the finesse that his lady did, but there was a stubborn streak shared between them.

“If you really are a stray kitty,” she said, “then you could, I don’t know, stay here if you liked.”

He laughed and the bell at his throat jingled as he moved. “I believe that I am well-collared.”

Her lips twitched with a poorly suppressed grin. “Do you have a tag somewhere with your home address?”

“Tucked somewhere in this tight suit is a card that says, ‘If lost, return to Ladybug.’”

She laughed, finally, and it felt good to hear her laugh. His purr crawled its way back into his throat.

She turned to look at him and their noses brushed. “I was resigned to having a miserable day,” she said, and her breath was warm against his lips, “but I’m glad you turned up.”

He wanted to quip something about leaving her window open, something about cat burglars, something witty and charming rolled into one, but he found words hard to form as his nose was overwhelmed by the strawberry of her lip balm and the chocolate on her breath.

She tipped her head, ever so slightly. He didn’t know if it was an invitation but he leaned in anyway, offering an invitation of his own, and she accepted. Their lips met and his tongue flooded with all the bittersweet scents in her mouth. His hand stopped pressing into her stomach and instead shifted to her hip, gripping her like he was afraid she might slip away. Her hand, similarly, wound through his hair and pulled him against her.

It was the least chaste kiss Chat Noir had ever had, and he wondered if it was because he was Chat Noir or if it was something in Marinette. If it was her, it was a side of her he didn’t know, but he was glad to get a glimpse of it.

She pulled away, and her blue eyes seemed to burn with the heat of stars, hot and white and glistening.

“Do kisses on your face help your tummy?” he asked.

For an answer, she leaned into another kiss.

The initial fire of the kiss dimmed into simmering coals. Her grip in his hair loosened, but her hands still pressed against his skull and held him close. He let his hand on her stomach go back to firm circles near her pelvis. They kissed until the taste of chocolate waned and he could no longer tell the difference between her taste and his own.

The only thing that forced them apart was the sound of heavy footsteps on the ladder below Marinette’s room.

“Marinette!” her father called. “Your mother and I just finished some chocolate croissants!”

And as the hinges of the trapdoor creaked, Chat Noir choked on his own lazy purr. He slipped out the window he had come in as fluidly as water passing through the neck of the bottle. He perched on her roof and listened to her, with a rather flustered voice, thank her father for the sweets, and assure him she hadn’t been doing anything—“Just texting Alya!” she said in a voice pitched several registers above her natural tone.

Chat Noir glanced back in the direction of his home, wondering if his father had uncovered his own deceit yet.

He’d never shared so much of himself with anyone, not as Chat Noir, and rarely as Adrien. But, whatever Marinette took away from his brief story, he wasn’t a stray. He had his own home; he had Ladybug; and if he ever needed it, he knew that he would be more than welcome here.

[strawberry-seob]

I'll Go ✩ kjs

🍓pairing: afab!reader x jongseob, and afab!reader x intak

🍓genre: au, fluff, age gaps (reader is older), slight hurt/comfort, minor love triangle, caregiving/caretaking elements/moments, slow burn, falling in love with your sibling's best friend

🍓rating: teen & up audiences (but please see author's note below)

🍓 summary: jongseob is your younger brother shota's long-time best friend and now that you’re all adults, you begin to see him differently

🍓warnings: alcohol use, smoking (cigarettes), swearing/language, mentions of menstruation/menstrual care, accidental head injury/hospital visit

🍓word count: 35.1k (split into multiple chapters within this post)

🍓author's note: i wrote this fic as a series on ao3 so that readers could have a choice to read the smutty parts or avoid it, based on their preferences. i probably won't format a fic like this again but since that is how i did this one on archive, i will be posting the other two nsfw parts separately (they will be a progressive continuation starting from the end of this story's last chapter)

Chapter 1: I'll Go

It had only been a year, but so far, being adult roommates with your little brother Shota had proven to be nothing if not interesting. From his terrifying sleep walking, to the “science experiments” in the kitchen, and his habit of staying up all night playing video games with his best friend Jongseob, there was never a dull moment. It was way more interesting and fun than living alone ever would have been. This was especially true, given your age difference: at nineteen, Shota was wild and crazy in a way that you remember being several years prior. You had chilled out, but you affectionately doubted whether he ever really would.

Despite the messes around the apartment, living with Shota was a generally positive experience. On a certain afternoon, however, a scheduling mishap on his part turned into one of the more awkward situations you’d encountered, and you were still trying to figure out how you felt about it.

Early that Saturday morning, you’d woken up with a heaviness in your belly that only meant one thing: that time of the month.

Although usually very careful about tracking your periods and keeping the house stocked and ready for when it was supposed to come around, life had gotten chaotic enough lately that Mother Nature had brought your monthly gift mostly by surprise. You hadn’t started bleeding yet but you knew you would soon, so you swallowed a couple painkillers on an empty stomach (a bad habit you’d picked up due to your debilitating cramps), slapped a pad in your underwear, and crawled back into bed in the fetal position.

You woke again later that morning to the sounds of obnoxiously high-pitched giggling coming from the living room. Ugh. Another thing you’d forgotten was that Shota had invited Jongseob over to hang out for the day to work on homework (which would inevitably end up being 99% video games, and 1% homework). They were both attending the same college and thus had the fortune of taking some of the same classes and being able to help each other with homework. Jongseob was the kind of person to whom school came naturally, while Shota needed quite a bit more help most of the time, so you were at least glad he had a friend like Jongseob who was willing to help him so much.

From the sounds of it, however, it didn’t sound like much homework was actually getting done. You groaned and crawled out of bed, barely able to stand up straight due to the cramps. You gave yourself a cursory glance in the mirror and almost jumped at the sight of yourself. You were used to Jongseob being over all the time and didn’t really care about what he thought, but you decided to run a quick brush through your hair anyway and throw on a sports bra under your t-shirt. Actually, nope, fuck that, the sports bra was coming right back off. Way too tight.

You shuffled into the kitchen and started the electric kettle, pulled out your favorite pottery mug, and a raspberry leaf teabag. You’d always been told that it was good for menstrual symptoms and couldn’t really tell whether or not it helped, but it certainly couldn’t hurt. Jongseob walked into the kitchen and jumped, letting out a hilarious yelp, his hand over his heart dramatically. As much as your stomach hurt, you couldn’t stop laughing.

“Cut it out, y/n,” he whined, “I didn’t even hear you come out here. Wait… you okay?” he asked, his voice taking a slightly more serious tone. You realized you were gripping the counter with your other hand as you poured the steaming hot water into the mug. “Ah, yeah. Just don’t really feel great this morning.”

“Ah shit, you better not get me sick,” he replied, making an X with his arms in your direction playfully, then turned to pour himself a bowl of Shota’s cereal. “Don’t worry,” you said, rolling your eyes. “Not contagious.” He raised a confused eyebrow in your direction but didn’t press the issue.

You looked over at him again. “I like your hair, by the way. It suits you.” You could see the back of his neck tinge ever so slightly pink, as he reached a hand up to one of his wavy bleach-blonde locks and tugged on it self-consciously. The color contrasted nicely with his light pink hoodie. “Oh. Uh, thanks,” he muttered, not looking at you. You smiled to yourself and looked down at your tea, still steeping. As you’d gotten older, one of the things you were trying to work on was sincerity. But you were usually so sarcastic and Jongseob was so shy that it just probably ended up coming off as weird or even teasing. Oh, well. You had to start somewhere.

You heard Shota’s phone ring from the living room, and he answered. “What do you mean, where am I? Noooo that wasn’t today, was it? Okay, yeah. No, I’ll be right there, sorry!” and as he hung up, you and Jongseob flinched as your brother let out a dramatically shrill scream. He then leaned into the kitchen casually, hands on either side of the doorway, as if nothing had happened. “Uh, so! That was Jiung. I didn’t realize I had dance practice today. Haha! Well I did, but I didn’t realize that today was today, y’know?” he smiled sheepishly, trying to look as cute as possible.

Jongseob smacked his arm playfully, scolding him, “Dude, you can’t keep doing this to me, I have so much homework to get done and nowhere to do it. And I don’t wanna have to go to the library again!” Jongseob lived in the university dorms with a very rowdy dorm partner who cared way more about hooking up, smoking weed, and blasting his shitty music than about anything academics-related. Not that Shota was the quietest person in general, but he knew when to be quiet, and Jongseob appreciated that.

“Wait, you guys,” you interrupted. “Jongseob, why don’t you just stay here?” you offered. Jongseob and Shota both looked back at you, their eyes wide. Jongseob opened his mouth to say something, but Shota was quicker. “That’s a great idea! Welp, that settles it, buddy. You’ll be fine without me, you’re here often enough that you basically live here anyway.” Jongseob let out a little yelp as Shota pinched his side, and he smacked his arm again, trying to ignore his friend’s flippant response.

“Y/n, are you sure you’re okay with that? I don’t want to impose,” he complained, scratching the back of his head self-consciously. Shota butted in, “They’re fine, they would have never said anything if they didn’t mean it.” You were ready to argue when you realized he was actually being serious. Like now, every once in a while your brother said something that shocked you because it made you realize how well he actually knew you.

“He’s actually right. I really don’t mind, I’ll probably just be in my room, but just let me know if you need anything. Plus, you do basically live here half the time.”

“Okay, I will. Thanks, y/n,” Jongseob smiled, his crooked canines showing for a moment. You remembered him getting bullied for them when he was younger, but as an adult, they were more charming than anything. He and Shota had both resolved to not get braces when they were younger, and even though you would never tell them to their faces, you thought their smiles were adorable.

Shota hurriedly changed into some joggers and an oversized t-shirt, grabbed his wallet and phone, and rushed out. “I’ll be back in a few hours!” he yelled without looking behind him as he slammed the door. You sighed with a smile, looked at Jongseob and shrugged. He smirked and headed to the table to start on his homework. You removed the teabag from the mug, tossed it in the trash, and you’d almost made it to your bedroom when you were hit with a devastating wave of cramps across your low abdomen that radiated into your back and down your legs. You hissed in pain, bracing yourself in your door frame, and heard the faint squeak of the dining room table chair on the hardwood. “Y/n? You good?”

“Ah… yeah. I’m fine,” you replied with gritted teeth, trying not to let your voice sound as strained as it felt, but to no avail. You cringed as you heard a louder creak from the chair sliding on the floor once more, and soft footsteps approaching. “You don’t sound fine– o-oh my god!” Jongseob exclaimed as he rushed towards you, reaching out to steady you but hesitating, his hands hovering, not quite touching you. You cursed inwardly, realizing what you had to do.

“Okay listen, I know this looks bad, but–”

“Are you kidding? You can barely stand, y/n! Do you need me to take you to the hospital? Shota took my car to practice but I can order an uber or something, or–”

“Jongseob, you really listen to me. I’m fine,” you responded firmly. He looked back at you like you were crazy, his hands still hovering, unsure if you were about to collapse. “It’s my fucking period, okay?” 

“Your–” Jongseob started, then paused, realization coloring his face a bright shade of pink. Here we go , you thought to yourself, already exasperated. He pulled his hands back, looking to the side, then back at you. “Okay, but. I mean… are you okay , though? You look like shit, no offense.”

You laughed, stiffly walking into your room and curling up on your bed, as he remained in the doorway. You looked up at him sideways. “You know what, if you’re offering… would you mind heating up my heating pad for me? I think it’s in the hutch, and it just needs two minutes in the microwave, and you gotta flip it halfway through.”

“You got it, dude,” he replied with a mock salute, rushing back down the hall and nearly killing himself tripping over his too-baggy jeans. You giggled quietly and rolled onto your back, legs bent for comfort, and slapped both hands over your face, sighing deeply. This was weird. Right? You guessed it could be worse. But with that thought, another cramp crashed through your body, wracking your hips with pain, and you turned your head to the side, moaning into your pillow as Jongseob walked in. He hesitated for a moment, not used to coming into your bedroom, but seeing the way you obviously weren’t about to stand up and take it from him, he walked over and handed it to you. “Here you go. Sorry about your, uh. Sorry you gotta deal with all this,” he said awkwardly.

“Just one of the many blessings of having a goddamn uterus, my friend!” you replied, laying the heating pad across your lower abdomen and sighing at the relief it brought. You looked up at Jongseob and he glanced to the side as soon as you made eye contact. There was a pause of silence as he looked down at the floor, fidgeting with his oversized hoodie sleeves. “Yeah. Um. Is there anything else I can do? Like, to help?” he asked. 

“Yeah, go get a gun and shoot me,” you responded, your voice monotone. He laughed, his voice bright and slightly raspy. “Okay sure, will do,” he said, shaking his head and closing your door as he stepped out. Before the door closed completely though, he paused. “I’ll be in the dining room. Seriously though, let me know if you need anything. ‘s the least I can do since I’m a guest. ” 

“You’ve way surpassed guest status, dude. But okayyy, thank yooouuu,” you replied, dragging out the words and trying to sound annoyed, when you were in fact relieved that he couldn’t see you smiling. Living with Shota, you didn’t really know what it was like to be taken care of in any way. That guy was such a baby that you were constantly in parent-mode. 

This wasn’t bad. It was a little weird, but it wasn’t bad.

After about an hour or so, you dragged yourself out of bed and into the bathroom. Opening the bottom cupboard, your face fell. No. This cannot be happening. You rummaged through the space, knocking everything over, opening every drawer and cupboard imaginable in the bathroom, with no luck. Your pad and tampon supply had completely run out. Why the fuck hadn’t you just started using a diva cup? You cursed yourself inwardly. 

You rushed out into the living room, hand on your lower back (which was still on fire), and rummaged through your bag, because surely there had to be a stray hiding somewhere, right? Right?! 

You sighed, frustrated. Jongseob looked up absently from his textbook at the table. “Whatcha lookin for?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know!” you retorted, a mischievous smile on your face. He frowned, quickly realizing. “Ah, sorry,” he replied, looking back down at his book, his ears tinged red.

“Nah it’s all good. I just really didn’t want to have to go to the store today, but that’s what I get for not paying attention, I guess.”

He looked back up at you, worry pulling at his features. “You’re going to the store? In your condition?”

“Not like I have much of a choice! Motherfucker. When it rains, it really does pour. You want anything while I’m out?”

Jongseob stood up. “I’ll go,” he said. 

You burst out laughing. “You? You’re gonna go to the store and buy my tampons? Don’t make me laugh, Jongseob. I appreciate the offer, but it’s all good. I got it.”

His face reddened at your response, but he stood his ground. “Y/n, look at you. You can barely walk. Just let me go, it’s not a big deal.”

“You don’t even know which ones I need!”

“Just… text me a photo of what the package looks like,” he replied quietly. Your face softened. He was really serious about this. And this shouldn’t have embarrassed you this much, but it did. Plus, he was right. You’d been determined to go to the store on your own but you were literally bracing yourself on any surface you could find, just to be able to walk around the house. Plus, you felt like you might have an accident any moment. Whatever happened, it needed to happen soon. 

You dug around in your purse some more, pulled out your credit card, and handed it to him. And for the first time today, you felt your own face heat up. “Okay. Thanks, I really owe you one. I’ll text you what I need.”

“Cool,” he responded, a triumphant smirk pulling at the corners of his mouth but not quite making it. You assumed he was more excited about winning the argument than doing the task at hand. He grabbed his phone and keys and was out the door before you knew it. You headed to the bathroom to take photos of the empty packages of pads and tampons in your cupboard, then walked out into the hall and stood in the empty, quiet apartment for a moment with mixed feelings of warmth, relief, and embarrassment. But then, feeling another wave of pain and nausea coming on, you headed back to your bedroom to lay down.

About half an hour later, you heard the apartment door open, the sound of what could only be Jongseob removing his clunky shoes, and the muffled sound of a plastic bag. Your body relaxed in relief, as you’d become more and more uncomfortable as the time passed. You heard footsteps, followed by a couple gentle knocks at your bedroom door. 

“Come in!” you yelled weakly.

“Hi, um, here’s the stuff,” he began timidly, peeking in. “Do you want me to put it in the bathroom, or–”

“Can you just bring it to me?” you whined. “I’ll put it away, don’t worry about all that. And thank you again, so much. You really didn’t have to do this. I feel weird,” you slapped a hand over your face, peeking up at him. 

“Ah shit, please don’t. I don’t wanna make you feel weird. It’s really okay,” he replied, walking cautiously up to your bed and setting the bag on the floor. “I feel it’s the least I can do for just kinda hanging around here all the time. It’s no big deal at all.” There it was again, that flush spreading across his cheeks. You thought about how you’d been trying to be more sincere, less of a shithead to both him and Shota; and you wondered if he’d been trying to do the same. This softness that he was showing you, it wasn’t totally out of the realm of possibility, but it just wasn’t something you were used to. Not from him.

“Well… thanks. You’ve really made my life a lot easier today,” you responded. He smiled, bowed his head slightly and rushed out, shutting the door softly behind him. You opened the bag and your jaw dropped at the sight. Not only had he gotten both the pads and tampons you needed, but he also grabbed your favorite chocolate and jelly candy. Your eyes watered. When had Jongseob grown up to be such a sweetheart?

You pulled out your phone, not feeling like walking all the way out to the dining room:

y/n: seob!! the candy, are you kidding me? :’)

js: hehe ur welcome

y/n: i know i said I owed you one, but like… for reeeeal. This is fucked up

js: meh, it was your money. I just saw it at the checkout and thought you might want some

y/n: [cry emoji] [heart emoji]

js: [salute emoji] [tongue sticking out emoji]

You went to the bathroom to take care of things, then returned to your room. Feeling much more relaxed than before, you laid in bed once more, snacking on the candy lazily. You could feel your pain medication wearing off, but were too tired to get up and take some more, so you kept scrolling on your phone until you drifted off to sleep.

Your nap was perfect, until suddenly, it wasn’t. Crushing pain in your lower abdomen and back cast waves of nausea throughout your body. You curled up onto your side in the fetal position, trying to find some semblance of comfort, but nothing you were doing was helping. The pain was becoming severe, but you felt like you would scarcely be able to get up. Barely awake, you began to groan in pain, tears threatening to spill, and that’s when you heard the knock on the door. 

“Y/n? You okay?” 

Oh, great. In the haze of your nap, you’d almost forgotten that Jongseob was still here. You moaned a weak response that didn’t really come out as words.

“I’m gonna come in, okay?”

“Kay!” you yelled, eyes squeezed shut. Jongseob walked in a little less cautiously than before. “What’s goin on? What do you need?”

You tried to answer, but were dealing with a cramp so severe it had taken your breath away. You groaned into the pillow. 

“Do you need medicine?”

You nodded, eyes still squeezed shut. 

“Heating pad?”

You nodded again.

“Okay hold tight,” he replied, rushing out. He came back not long after with the heating pad all warmed up, a couple painkillers, and a glass of water. He gave you the heating pad first, so you could lay it across your abdomen, and handed you the painkillers and water. As soon as you took them, you laid back down on the bed, wincing in pain. You hadn’t had a period this bad in a while, and although you’d technically be fine, you were in so much pain you couldn’t think. Your breathing was rapid and you held onto the heating pad for dear life, when you felt a light pressure on your back. 

You hadn’t noticed that Jonseob had sat himself on the bed next to you, but there he was, rubbing gentle circles into your back. At his touch, the tears that were threatening to spill finally came. Not surprisingly, this caused Jongseob to panic. 

“Oh… oh my god I’m sorry, I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he asked frantically, pausing his movements. You shook your head “no,” and realizing that this situation was way beyond the weirdness of before, just decided to give in to the comfort that was being offered. You grabbed his hand and moved it down to your lower back. 

“Right here. It hurts so bad. Please don’t stop,” you hiccupped pathetically. He hummed gently and began hesitantly, most likely because your shirt had ridden up to expose the skin of your lower back. With the agony you were in, you couldn’t be bothered, but he pulled the back of your shirt down to cover your skin and continued the gentle motions. Your breathing slowed a little, and you leaned into his touch. 

He began humming softly, and as the pain meds started to kick in, your body started to relax more, and, grateful as could be, you felt like you might drift off to sleep again. “Seob?” you said drowsily, your voice wet with barely dried tears.

“Yeah, y/n?” he asked quietly.

“You’ve been so sweet today. But please don’t tell Shota about this. I’ll never hear the end of it. You probably won’t, either,” you said with a wry laugh. Jongseob laughed heartily in response, breaking through the tension in the room with a breath that he seemed to have been holding. 

“Don’t worry, I wasn’t planning on it.”

Chapter 2: Don't Go

Over the next several weeks, you noticed Jongseob coming over a little more often than usual, if that was even possible. He’d started spending the night most weekends and even some weeknights. You’d have to start charging him rent, you thought, laughing inwardly. As if you could ever do that. He constantly complained about how broke he was, and every time you asked him why he moved into the dorms instead of trying to move in with you and Shota, he always offered some lame excuse about the requirements for his financial aid or not wanting to burden you, or he would just change the subject entirely. You really didn’t mind him coming over so much, you just wondered what his thought process really was. It didn’t make any sense.

Meanwhile, winter was coming to an end, and with it, winter term at Jongseob and Shota’s university. One Saturday morning as you were all in the common area, Shota blurted out, “We should do a movie night. To celebrate the end of the term.” You looked up at him from your oatmeal, and Jongseob, sitting next to him on the couch, just replied, “Okay dude, let’s do it. When?”

“Tonight!”

“Tonight?” you and Jongseob both blurted out at the same time. Shota appeared completely unfazed, his eyes glued to the first-person shooter game that Jongseob had been playing with him all morning. “Yeah! Tonight. I’m pretty sure the guys from school should all be available. I’ll text them.” You and Jongseob glanced at each other and smiled. He shook his head and looked back at the television screen. 

“Do the guys from school include Keeho?” you asked, and Shota hissed underneath his breath as his character suddenly died. Jongseob laughed triumphantly at his victory, causing you to restrain your own laughter. His laugh was so funny and shockingly high-pitched, and when it was loud, it almost always caught you off guard. Shota looked over at you. “Yes,” he said blankly, his eyes showing zero understanding of the nuance of your question. You nodded. “Cool. He’s really funny. So I was just wondering.” 

“Yeah, he’s funny. Do you like him?” Shota responded dryly, pulling out his phone nonchalantly. Oh boy, that backfired. “No!” you replied immediately. “Not in that way. I thought. I mean…” you hesitated, suddenly wanting to be swallowed by the floor. “Don’t you?”

“Don’t I what?”

“Like… Keeho?”

Shota looked over at you, dark eyes huge and round, face blank. He was so damn cute, but you wished he was able to pick up on subtext a little better. “Yeah, of course I like Keeho. We wouldn’t be friends if I didn’t.” You looked at Jongseob, but he was just scrolling on his phone, clearly tuning out the both of you. 

“That’s not what I…” you sighed. “Nevermind,” you said with a chuckle, “just let me know if there’s people coming over tonight so we can get ready.” At that, Shota’s phone chimed and he held up an index finger obnoxiously, still looking at his phone. “There is indeed, people coming over tonight!” he yelled, jumping up excitedly and tackling Jongseob on the couch, eliciting a string of screaming and profanity that had you laughing uncontrollably. 

“Alright you little freaks, my only request is that you help clean this place up before everyone comes over,” and at this, they reluctantly stopped their play fight and got to work.

Several hours later, you heard the first knock on the door, and you opened it to find Intak and Jiung, each armed with a 6-pack and a bag full of snacks. You welcomed them in warmly, and before you had a chance to shut the door, Keeho and Taeyang darted up the steps and made their way in as well. 

Shota made a beeline past the other guys towards Keeho and hugged him, laughing and hanging around his neck long after a normal hug would have been over. Yep, here we go , you thought to yourself. Keeho didn’t seem to mind the attention, you noticed, as he kept one hand firmly on Shota’s back and the other free to gesture dramatically while he talked to the others or to sweetly fix Shota’s bleach-damaged bangs when they got tangled over his forehead. You smiled at the affection shown in this group, but made a solemn decision to keep an eye on Keeho. Shota was the most important person in the world to you, and you wouldn’t be able to bear seeing him get hurt.

“Hi,” a voice beckoned behind you, and you turned to look up at Jiung, smiling at you sweetly, his dark, sharp eyes contrasting fiercely with his blazing copper locks. “Sorry, is it okay if we put these beers in the fridge?”

“Of course!” you beckoned him and Intak towards the fridge, helping them move things out of the way to make room for the drinks. Taeyang was still talking and laughing with Keeho and Shota near the entryway, but you noticed that Jongseob was still on the couch, joining in the conversation every now and then but mostly scrolling on his phone and looking a little out of place.

Most of Shota’s friends at school were in dance or some other music-related field (all of the guys who came over tonight were on his dance team), but Jongseob was an English major, making it so that he had some overlap with Shota’s classes but certainly not as much as the other guys. You knew Jongseob was mature and didn’t get jealous too easily, but something about the sight of him being the only one on the couch tugged at your heart, so you took a seat next to him, plopping down with so much force that it jostled him. 

“Sup,” you said, opening a not-yet-cold beer. “Sup,” he half-said, half-laughed, shoving his phone back into his pocket. You offered him your beer and watched out of the corner of your eye as he took the first sip, wincing a little at the bitterness, but recovering quickly. He took another drink, this one a bigger gulp, and you smacked his thigh playfully. “Agh!” he yelled, rubbing his leg, as you got up to fetch another. As you sat back down next to him and opened the second beer, he offered you a sheepish smile. “Sorry. Thanks.”

You rolled your eyes at him playfully, sipping your drink, as the rest of the guys started to congregate closer to the living room. It had been a while since you and Shota had had people over, and you were reminded of how small your place was. With just the couch and loveseat, there probably wasn’t enough room for everyone. 

“Ah shit, do we need to grab some floor cushions or a chair from the dining room?” you started, but Intak and Jiung urged you to sit, reassuring you that everyone would fit just fine. 

Shota sat Keeho down on the loveseat next to him, while the other three guys squeezed onto the couch next to you and Jongseob. Jongseob had been seated at the far left side of the couch, so to your right sat Intak, Jiung, and on the very right side Taeyang, who was squeezed so tightly against the arm of the couch that he ended up sitting on the floor between Jiung’s legs. You began to stand up again, stressed about the hosting situation and kicking yourself for not preparing better.

“Taeyang, can I please get you a pillow, or–” 

“Ma’am!” he screamed too-loudly, eliciting an eruption of laughter from the rest of the guys. Taeyang had such a pretty and elegant face, that it contrasted hilariously with his near-constant ear-shattering yelling. “Please sit down,” he demanded. “My ass is cushion enough. I’ll just lay on top of all of you if I get uncomfy.”

“Okay, okay, suit yourself” you laughed, holding your hands up defensively and realizing you were no match for the most diva-esque of Shota’s dance friends. You didn’t love being referred to as “ma’am,” but Taeyang was so funny that you could let it slide.

Shota turned on the TV and started scrolling through the movies when you realized you didn’t even know what movie he’d planned on making everyone watch, but when he landed on an incredibly disturbing horror movie and started it gleefully, you realized you wouldn’t have even needed to guess. Despite looking like an actual cherub, your brother was obsessed with all things horror, to the point that you weren’t even sure if he watched any other genre.

The movie started and you tried getting comfortable, but found it embarrassingly difficult to ignore the seating situation. Despite Taeyang’s gracious decision to sit on the floor, you were still squeezed snugly on the couch with the other guys, tightly enough that your thighs and arms were pressed against Jongseob on your left and Intak on your right. The contrast between the two was distracting: Jongseob on your left was not much shorter than Intak but he was so much smaller. He was wearing a cozy gray sweatsuit but you could feel the smallness of his body underneath it, his arms thin from spending all his spare time reading and writing. You could also tell that he was trying to make himself small, to give you as much space as possible – despite how futile that was.

Intak, on the other hand, was large, solid, and muscular, dressed in fitted jeans and a boat-necked black t-shirt that dipped slightly to display his defined collarbones. He wasn’t quite manspreading, but he certainly seemed to feel comfortable taking up space, his hand resting on his thigh, and consequently touching yours passively. Once you’d noticed this, there was no paying attention to the movie. You tried your hardest, but ever since Jongseob had rubbed your back when your period cramps were about to kill you weeks before, you’d realized how embarrassingly touch-starved you were. 

You figured, however, that Jongseob probably just saw you as an older sister. Intak, on the other hand, had flirted with you on more than one occasion, and he was absolutely stunning. Still, something about the situation had you feeling slightly uneasy, a feeling that went away gradually with each beer. 

The movie ended up devolving into everyone taking a drink every time Keeho or Taeyang screamed (which honestly just sounded like an excuse to get really fucked up really fast). You’d been taking tiny sips, but it didn’t seem like the others had, since Shota was basically laying on Keeho at this point, Taeyang was screaming at Jiung to rub his shoulders and Jiung was clearly about to snap; plus, Intak had started to brush his hand up against your thigh a little more carelessly, and Jongseob… wait, where was Jongseob?

He’d gone to the restroom but that had seemed like a little while ago. So either he was shitting his brains out, or…

You got up from the couch quickly and headed towards the bathroom. Knock knock knock , you tapped on the door quietly, trying not to alert anyone else back in the living room. “Seob? You okay?” you asked quietly, your face pressed to the door. The only thing you heard on the other side of the door was slurred murmuring, which was concerning. You tried the door handle and it was unlocked. Cracking the door just a tad, you announced, “I’m gonna come in, okay?” The only response you heard was a defeated-sounding groan, but it didn’t sound like a protest, so you carefully tiptoed through the door and latched it quietly behind you. 

The sight you saw next was one of the most pitiful you’d seen in your entire life, and it made your heart lurch painfully in your chest. Jongseob was hugging the toilet bowl, sitting with his legs to one side. He had stripped down to his white undershirt; he’d lost his sweatshirt and it was hanging halfway out of the bathtub. You could see a thin sheen of sweat on his arm, on which was resting his head, the ends of his hair sticking to the back of his neck uncomfortably. 

You walked over to him and got down on your knees, your legs a little wobbly, as you realized that you were a little drunker yourself than you’d realized. “Sorry Seob, I should have made sure you were drinking water. You okay?” He nodded into the toilet bowl and groaned, still not looking up. But in the next moment, he retched, and seemed to only be dry-heaving; you realized he’d probably already vomited everything in his stomach. You felt a sudden surge of melancholic protectiveness, and began rubbing his back. You could feel his shoulder blades poking out; he was so small, and as it dawned on you that he was probably a hopeless lightweight, you made a mental note to yourself to never let him drink around you again without you keeping an eye on him.

Bang Bang Bang!

The sound of someone pounding on the door made you jolt. “Occupied! Use the one in my room!” you yelled, and heard sloppy-sounding footsteps headed towards your room. That must have been Shota. You turned your attention back to the mess before you. Jongseob hadn’t moved from his position, his head still resting on his arm. You wondered if he was asleep, and with your other free hand, you began to run your fingers through his hair gently, pushing it out of his face. His hair wasn’t yet long enough to “hold up” while he puked, but you figured this was some kind of equivalent. 

After doing this for a few minutes and making yourself sleepy in the process, you got up, grabbed an empty glass from the counter, and filled it with tap water. “Okay buddy, are you ready to sip some water?” you asked, to which he answered with a vehement shake of his head “no.” You sighed. “What about rinsing your mouth out, at least?” It looked like he was about to shake his head again but he paused and turned slightly towards you, accepting the glass of water. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes glanced at you for a moment to accept the water before taking a sip and spitting the water into the toilet. “There you go,” you encouraged, taking the glass from him. 

He put his arms back up on the toilet seat and rested his head there again, but this time turned towards you. He made eye contact with you and started giggling, which made you giggle back, but you didn’t know what you were laughing at. You were just still a little drunk. “Y/n,” he whined, his voice low, raspy, and tired, as he closed his eyes again. “Yeah?” you replied, smiling and ruffling his hair. “Thisis… ssoo embarrassing.” You couldn’t help but laugh again, at his slurred speech, but also at the situation. “Eh, it happens to the best of us, don’t sweat it,” you reassured him, patting his back lightly. 

Head still resting on his arms, he opened his eyes and looked at you sideways again, but this time he didn’t say anything, he just stared, a goofy smile on his face. You noticed that the flushing in his face brought out his freckles, and this realization made your throat a little dry for some reason. You took a sip of the water and cleared your throat. You looked back and he was still staring at you. You made your eyes dart to the left and right, then shrugged. “What?” you asked him, feeling more and more self-conscious by the moment. He giggled. “Nothing,” he replied, still smiling. 

“Okay funny guy, I think it’s time to get you to bed,” you announced, motioning towards him but generally unclear on how you were going to make this happen. “Just leave me here, y/n,” he argued. “I’ll sleep in the tub. Plus, I might throw up again.”

“You are not going to sleep in the tub, dude, you’ll wake up unable to move your neck and it’ll be my fault for letting you. C’mon, you’ll be way more comfy in a bed. Here, hold onto me,” you instructed him as he slung an arm around your shoulder to help you half-walk, half-carry him out of the bathroom and towards Shota’s room. But when you arrived at his doorway, the door wide open, you found Shota in bed, limbs tangled with none other than Keeho’s, both of them fast asleep. It dawned on you that if anyone else had stayed over, they’d likely be taking up the couches.

You sighed. “Okay change of plans,” you said, leading him to your own bedroom instead. You opened the door, led him inside, and plopped him down onto your bed. You helped him get under the covers and were about to go back out to the living room when Jongseob wordlessly grabbed your hand. 

You paused and bent down towards him. “Seob? You need anything else?”

“Don’t go,” he responded sleepily, eyes closed, clearly half-asleep if not fully asleep at this point. You’d been so stressed out seeing him this sick for the first time that you were nearly powerless against his request. You ran your free hand through your hair, weighing your options and unsure of what to do, when Jongseob yanked you into bed. 

There was no way he knew what he was doing, you thought, and you were a little worried about what would happen in the morning, but right now you were tired, still buzzed, and not in the mood to fight, so you got under the covers and let him cuddle up next to you. You laid on your back as he turned towards you, slung his arm around your waist, and pressed his face against your arm. You stared at the ceiling, stifling laughter at the absurdity of your situation, while trying to ignore the way your heart rate sped up. It was probably just the alcohol, you thought, as you drifted off to sleep.

Chapter 3: Waking Up

You woke up the next morning to the sensation of your head pounding. You opened your eyes, looked at the ceiling, glanced to your left and nearly jumped out of your skin. Jongseob was curled up towards the wall away from you, his hair sticking out in all directions, lightly snoring. You looked down and you were fully clothed; he was too. You clutched your chest, letting out a huge exhale of relief, as the previous night’s memories started to come back to you. 

You gingerly crept out of bed, trying not to disturb him. Thinking back on how sick he'd been, you figured he would be asleep for a while. You grabbed a glass, filled it with water from the bathroom, and quietly set it on the nightstand with a couple aspirin and a piece of ginger candy. You left the bedroom, latching the door gently, and headed out to the living room, passing Shota’s room on your way. You glanced in as you walked by: sleepy Shota, but no Keeho. The rest of the place was empty too, so you figured the guys had all gotten up a little earlier and headed home; it was late in the morning, after all. 

As you started picking up beer cans and prepared to make breakfast, Shota wandered down the hall, looking at you sleepily. “Good morning, party animal!” you teased. He groaned and smiled, rubbing his face. “So… you and Keeho? Last night?” you inquired carefully. “What about us?” Shota responded, confused. You gave him a look. “Dude. You guys went to bed together.”

“Oh yeah, that! I was in a cuddly mood – you know how I get when I drink – and there was no room for him in the living room since Jiung and Intak took up the couch and Taeyang took the loveseat.”

“Oh. So… just… friend stuff?”

Shota looked at you, more confused than ever. “Y/n, you get so weird whenever you talk about Keeho. Are you sure you don’t have a crush on him?”

You laughed, annoyed at how dense he was. “Trust me, I’m good. I don’t think I’m his type.”

“You never know!”

“Oh, I think I might…” you muttered under your breath, quietly enough that he couldn’t hear you. “Oh, about last night. Shota, I’m gonna tell you something… and you have to promise not to get all weird about it.”

“No promises, but what’s up?” Shota asked, his curiosity piqued. At that moment, you heard your bedroom door open, and you both looked in that direction. Shota looked at you, his brows furrowed inquisitively, and before you saw him, you both heard Jongseob yelling down the hall, “Y/n? Why was I in your bed?”

Shota’s eyes widened. “You did not ,” to which you exclaimed “I swear it’s not what it looks like!” and as Jongseob entered the common area, Shota gave him a horrified look, which was all the false confirmation he needed to start panicking. “O-oh my god, don’t tell me we–”

“You slept with my sister , dude? Really?” Shota demanded. He didn’t look mad, just in abject shock. Jongseob’s face looked like it was burning up, and this nightmare of a conversation had moved so quickly and chaotically that you hadn’t been able to get a word in, but you were fed up.

“Both of you shut the fuck up!” you yelled, a little louder than you meant to. Shota’s head snapped towards you, his eyes large and focused. You immediately regretted your volume; he hated it when you got angry. Jongseob looked in your direction but couldn’t seem to make eye contact with you, his face still on fire. 

“Jongseob, listen. You got really sick last night. I was going to put you in Shota’s bed but Keeho was there – I know, I know, stay focused, that is not what we’re talking about right now,” you snapped as Jongseob stifled laughter and glanced in Shota’s direction before turning his attention towards you again. “So I put you in my bed and I was gonna go find somewhere else to sleep, but you yanked me into bed like a clingy little monkey. Nothing weird. We just slept.” 

Silence hung in the air for a few agonizing moments. “Y/n, why didn’t you just say that?” Shota asked innocently, a guilty smile forming on his face. You darted over to him and put your hands on his neck, mock-strangling him, as he screamed and pretended to be murdered by you, and Jongseob’s laughter broke the tension in the room even more. 

Once you’d wrestled Shota to the floor and then forced him and Jongseob to begin cleaning up the rest of the mess in the living room, you started on breakfast burritos for the three of you. As Jongseob bent over to pick up one of the cans, however, he held his hand to his head, grimacing. You tried not to notice, but felt yourself watching him a little more closely since last night, feeling a little more protective than usual. “Seob? Did you take the aspirin I left on my nightstand?” you asked. His eyes darted towards you, looking embarrassed. “Ah, um, no, I didn’t realize that was for me.” You smiled, rolled your eyes and waved him off in the direction of your bedroom, and he shuffled off down the hall. 

You pulled a bag of frozen hashbrowns out of the freezer and poured some into a preheated pan, stirred it around with some cooking oil, and popped a lid onto it to let them soften up. Shota headed to the bathroom as Jongseob came back out. To your surprise, he took up the space next to you and started helping with the prep, chopping the block of ham that you’d pulled out. He didn’t normally help you cook breakfast when he was over, so this was a nice change.

“Hey,” he began.

“Uh, hey?” you said, looking over at him with a confused smile. He didn’t look at you, and kept his eyes on what he was doing. “I wanted to thank you. Y’know… for taking care of me last night. I feel really bad about it, and pretty embarrassed. You shouldn’t have had to deal with that.” You could see the tips of his ears reddening, and grabbed one of them playfully, eliciting a surprised yell from him. “Back it up,” he yelled, “or I’ll touch you with my ham hands!” he held his hands out to you menacingly and you put your hands up in surrender, laughing. 

“Listen, don’t feel bad. It’s fine. I said this to you last night, and I’ll say it again, but… it happens to the best of us. I’ve been there before, so I know how nice it is to have someone looking after you,” you reassured him. He looked at you with an expression you couldn’t quite place, his melancholic brown eyes filled with a mixture of gratefulness, shame, and something else that took you slightly off guard. “Plus,” you continued, deciding to step out on a limb with what you were about to say.

 “You’re pretty cuddly. It could have been worse.”

Jongseob’s jaw dropped and he looked like he was about to say something, but just covered his face and dropped into a squat, a low scream muffled by his hands. You laughed triumphantly, ruffling his already-messy bleach-damaged hair. However, although you’d meant to tease him , you felt your own face heating up, and felt grateful that he wasn’t looking at you.

You went back to cooking, as Shota came out and sat on the couch, started up the gaming console, and yelled at Jongseob to come join him. Jongseob squinted his eyes at you and you stuck your tongue out at him teasingly, before he left the kitchen. 

The rest of the day went as normal, the three of you just hanging on the couch, until Shota heard his phone chime and let out a small gasp. You wondered if it was finally Keeho’s confession.

“Y/n?” he looked over at you.

“Yeah?” you answered, raising your eyebrows at him and smiling expectantly.

“Intak… wants to know if I can give him your number.”

You stared at him. Jongseob looked at Shota, then at you, brows raised. You glanced at Jongseob, then back at Shota, whose eyes were wide, waiting for your response.

 “U-uh, I mean, sure? Why not, right?” you replied. You couldn’t think of a good reason to say no. You were single, and apparently he was too (you’d hoped so, based on the signals he was putting out last night), he was attractive, really attractive. He seemed nice. 

“Yeah, I mean, it’s up to you entirely,” Shota responded, his face a blank slate. You furrowed your brows, annoyed at his lack of emotion on the matter. “Well, you know him better than I do. Do you think it’s a good idea? Are you comfortable giving him my number?”

Shota looked down and bit his thumbnail for a moment, appearing to be deep in thought. He looked back up at you and smiled brightly. “Yeah. He’s a good guy. I don’t see why not.” You glanced at Jongseob, whose face seemed to fall ever so slightly at Shota’s endorsement. But he looked away right as you caught this. “What’s the problem, Seob? You think he’s too young for me?” you teased. Intak was a couple years older than Jongseob, but still several years younger than you. 

“No!” he insisted, his ears turning pink as he scrolled on his phone casually. You eyed him suspiciously, then looked back at Shota. “Alright, just give it to him I guess.”

“Okayyy,” Shota sang, texting Intak back furiously. 

The remainder of the afternoon dragged on lazily, with the guys playing video games on the couch, and you restlessly moving from the living room to the kitchen to your bedroom, wanting to be productive but feeling too tired from the alcohol the night prior. Later that evening as you scrolled in bed, you received a text from an unknown number. You smiled and opened it, a gentle flutter in your stomach as you’d guessed correctly: Intak. 

You texted back and forth with him for a while, just light smalltalk at first. He asked how you were feeling after last night, you asked how he got home and apologized for disappearing in the middle of the movie. You left out the part about Jongseob getting sick and sleeping in your bed, wanting to protect his privacy, so you made it sound like you were the one who wasn’t feeling well. He said he thought you were really pretty, and that he’d love to take you out sometime, causing you to blush and hide under the covers even though you were completely alone in your room. 

As you drifted off to sleep, you felt giddy, but slightly off. You assumed it was just the nervousness at the prospect of talking to someone after so long. 

Yes… that had to be it.

Chapter 4: Settling Down

You and Intak had continued texting almost nonstop since that evening, and had settled on going to see a movie the next weekend, Friday night. He’d asked which movie you wanted to see – you said you didn’t care – and the both of you therefore ended up settling on an action movie that you really didn’t care for. It was, however, fun. Intak was a perfect gentleman: he picked you up, paid for and carried the snacks, and when he dropped you off, he didn’t ask to come inside. At the front door of your apartment, he did, however, lean in to kiss you. 

This caught you by surprise, but it wasn’t totally unwelcome. You closed your eyes and leaned into it. His lips were slightly chapped but soft nonetheless, and the kiss was over before you knew it; chaste, and quick. You smiled at him, your face warm against the cool spring night air. He smiled back bashfully, looking to the side and biting his lip. “Text me?” he asked. “Yeah,” you responded quietly. He touched your arm briefly before heading down the stairs, as you walked into the apartment. 

You stepped inside, the smile still plastered on your face, but the moment you walked inside, you regretted not controlling your face better: Soul and Jongseob immediately started to roast you. 

“Oooooooo, who’s got you smiling like that?” Soul yelled from the couch, wiggling all his fingers at you teasingly. Before you could control it, you could feel all the blood rush to your face and Soul started laughing maniacally. You made eye contact with Jongseob and he gave you a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, but he didn’t say anything, just looked back at the TV and giggled quietly next to Soul. 

“Leave me alone ,” you groaned, unable to stop smiling, now thoroughly embarrassed as you opened the fridge door aimlessly, mostly to make yourself seem busy. You collected your thoughts and your body suddenly noticed the constricting sensations of your date night outfit, which you couldn’t wait to get rid of. You hurried to your room and changed, coming back out in baggy sweats and a tank top, headed to the fridge, and opened a beer. 

You took a long, cold gulp of it in the kitchen, then walked over and sat down on the couch next to Jongseob who was sitting cross-legged, his loose olive-green shorts bunching past the knees, and an oversized black band t-shirt pooling in his lap. You’d noticed his dark roots had started coming in, and thought the contrast against the blonde actually looked nice. 

“So?” Jongseob asked, catching you off guard, as you turned to look at him and he was giving you a mischievous smile, his eyebrows raised. “So what?” you responded, sincerely confused. “What movie did you guys see? How was the date?” he asked, looking at you like you were crazy. For some reason, Kim Jongseob asking you how your date went made you feel strange, as butterflies threatened to break through your ribcage and you felt your face heating up again. You recovered quickly, though. 

“It was good!” you answered, trying your best to look and sound casual. “We saw that new Godzilla one, I can’t remember the name of it. Lots of carnage and explosions and mayhem, Soul would have loved it.” Soul’s eyes stayed glued to the television screen, his fingers working furiously at the video game he was playing, and whined loudly, “Dammit y/n, I really wanted to see that one!” 

“Just because I saw it doesn’t mean you can’t also see it, you little weirdo. Don’t worry, I won’t spoil it,” you responded, laughing at his immature reaction. Jongseob’s eyes went back to the TV, his questions stopping there. You felt like he wanted to ask more, but didn’t want to press. Something in his demeanor tonight was confusing, and you couldn’t quite figure out what it was. But something seemed off.

The next morning you came out to the kitchen in your pajamas and saw that Jongseob was already in the dining room doing homework. It didn’t look like Soul was awake yet. “Good morning!” you greeted him cheerfully as you started the electric kettle. “Morning,” he responded, sounding heavily distracted, his back hunched as he typed furiously on his laptop. 

You knew he must be in focused-writing mode, because he was usually much friendlier when you came out, so you decided to leave him be. You popped a couple slices of whole wheat bread in the toaster and continued making your tea. Jongseob sighed audibly, catching your attention. You looked over at him, his chin propped in his hand, expression looking displeased. “Everything okay over there?” you asked cautiously. 

“Yeah,” he replied, unconvincingly. “Actually, Y/n, would you mind doing me a huge favor?” he asked, turning towards you inquisitively. You looked back at him, wondering what it could be. “Uh, I guess? What’s up?” you answered hesitantly, bringing your breakfast to the table as he angled his laptop in your direction.

“It’s this piece I’m working on for my poetry class. I keep going over it again and again, but there’s something off about it. I don’t like it. It felt different in my head, and I’m not sure what the problem is. Will you read it and let me know what you think?”

“Oh yeah, for sure,” you replied, relieved that it wasn’t really anything serious. You did a quick scroll through the document and it was pretty long, about a page and a half. You scrolled up to the top and started reading. About halfway through, you realized it was a poem about unrequited love. Something in your chest tugged. The idea of Jongseob longing for someone and them not returning his feelings made you feel a little sick to your stomach. Did this poem come from personal experience? Or was he just drawing on other inspiration, trying to come up with something for the class?

Realizing you had stopped paying attention to what the lines said, you subtly started over, but not subtly enough to avoid alerting Jongseob. “Ugh, is it that hard to get through? See, I tried to make it flow well but I’m worried I keep overthinking it and–” 

“No it’s not that,” you interrupted him, “I think I’m just still waking up. I don’t read a ton of poetry so I gotta get myself into poem-reading mode. But also…” you hesitated for a moment, “..this piece is kind of a bummer. Don’t tell me someone’s got you brokenhearted, dude.”

Jongseob flushed deeply but played it off immediately, clearing his throat and immediately replying, “Oh it’s just for the assignment, I’m drawing on a bunch of different stuff, don’t worry ‘bout it.” You laughed in response, noting how pink his face got. You weren’t convinced, but decided against pushing any further.

As you started over and continued slowly through the poem, you reached the end and realized you knew what he meant. The last bit of the piece fell a little flat, like the emotion throughout didn’t quite carry through to the end, or like something was being left out. You read the last third again, and rested your chin on your hand, fingers drumming on your cheek thoughtfully. “Okay, I see what you mean. It’s totally this last chunk. It almost feels… dishonest?”

“How do you mean?” he asked, scooting his chair next to yours, brows furrowed and angling the laptop towards him slightly and studying the screen as he strained to read the section you referenced. You tried not to react to his face suddenly being so close to yours, as you used the trackpad to highlight the beginning of the part that seemed off.

“Like, starting right here. It kinda feels like it switches to something a little too analytical. Like, I dunno, like the poem is trying too hard?” You scroll up to the beginning of the poem. “See, the way it begins and the way it flows into the middle, you’re describing a feeling in a way that feels very emotional. Like the reader can really feel what you’re feeling. There’s a certain rawness to it.” 

“Mhm, okay,” Jongseob responded, nodding his head as he continued listening to your feedback.

“But right… here,” you continued, hovering the cursor on the second page near the end, “it’s like you back away emotionally and start getting a little too smarty-pants about it. Don’t get me wrong, the writing is still really good but it just suddenly becomes so much less personal-feeling. Like in the first part of the poem you’re describing the feeling of falling in love, but then in the very last part you try to be clever about the unrequited feelings, instead of continuing with that vulnerability. And… I dunno, I guess that could be intentional and still make a lot of sense artistically, even more so, but it just doesn’t flow. It loses that rawness and just doesn’t feel as honest.”

“Mmmm,” Jongseob hummed in response. He rested his face in his hand and leaned back in the chair, crossing one leg over the other, still staring at the screen. He ran his hand through his unstyled hair, barely achieving anything as it flopped right back down into his face. “Okay, yeah, that’s good. I see what you mean. That’s super helpful. And uh, sorry to bum you out so early in the morning,” he added with a shy smile, canines peeking out just barely as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Hey, no worries, happy I could help. Your writing is, like, really good. I know I’m not great at compliments and I basically just tease you and Shota nonstop, but… you are seriously talented.”

Jongseob smiled, bowing his head shyly. “Thanks, y/n. That means a lot coming from you.” 

You fought the urge to come back with a sarcastic response and just opted for ruffling his hair and getting up from the table. In the kitchen washing your plate, you paused and turned back towards him again. “Hey, Seob?”

“Yeah?” he asked, not looking up from his laptop.

“You know you can.. Uh… like, if you need to talk about anything. Or whatever. You know I’m here, right?”

Jongseob looked up at you, his eyes wide and filled with a mixture of embarrassment and affection. “Thanks. Yeah, I guess. I appreciate that.” You smiled back at him, finished up in the kitchen, then headed to the couch to read a book. But not long after, Jongseob joined you, gently plopping down on the couch next to you. Wedging one foot on the couch to get more comfortable, he opened up a book of his own and started reading. 

Your throat felt tight and you found it difficult to focus on the words on the page, having to read the same paragraph over and over. Something about the scene made your heart feel so… full. And warm. You managed to calm down and savored the moments of peaceful parallel reading before Shota woke up to start filling the house with playful noise.

Chapter 5: Let's Go

The next couple months were mostly a blur, with Intak (and the rest of the guys, really) coming over nearly every weekend to do everything from watching movies to playing video games or board games, or sometimes just sitting around with some beers and talking shit. 

Even though spring term had begun and everyone had a mostly full course load, they all still made time to have fun on the weekends, which you respected. It’s not something you had found yourself doing when you were working on your undergrad (which led to some serious burnout), and like your past self, there was only one person in particular who ever missed these hangouts: Jongseob. 

As the year had progressed, you’d noticed that he’d become increasingly diligent with his coursework, constantly typing away on his laptop, or laying on the couch with his nose stuck in a book. On the weekends, he was the first person up and the last person you saw before going to bed, his face always lit up by his screen – which, you’d noted, had the brightness turned all the way up and would probably result in him needing glasses before he graduated. 

Meanwhile, you and Intak were casually dating at this point. But despite the dates, the constant texting, and the few late-night flings, you found yourself not feeling particularly intimate with him. You hoped he’d feel the same, because you’d hate to make things weird in the friend group. Not that Shota wasn’t already doing that with Keeho – whatever it was that they had going on; you tried not to think about it too much. But with Intak, he was such a romantic, and for now at least, you wanted things to stay casual and simple.

At the same time, you’d noticed that Jongseob had started to become a little more distant. It made sense, since he was so busy with school, and since you’d started seeing someone. But for some reason you couldn’t place, for a reason that eluded logic and that you felt deep in your gut, you didn’t like it. You’d felt like the two of you had become closer for a bit, and then he had started to withdraw. He didn’t smile as much. And he seemed so overworked. 

For that reason, on a particularly sunny Saturday, with Shota gone at an extra-long dance practice with Intak and the others, you decided to take Jongseob on a surprise picnic. 

On one of the nights that Jongseob had surprised you by staying up with everyone, you were all playing a drinking game which included a mini version of “never have I ever,” during which it was divulged that Jongseob had never gone on a picnic before. Everyone started babying and teasing him the moment he divulged this information, lamenting that his youth had been wasted on studying, although he hadn’t seemed to mind – he didn’t realize what he was missing, after all.

You’d gotten all the supplies the night before, complete with food and snacks, drinks, playing cards, and a frisbee. You didn’t own an aesthetically pleasing picnic basket and even considered buying one, but they were so expensive and you already had a cooler and other bags to carry the supplies in, so you decided to be frugal and skip it.

After taking a quick shower, you threw on some light makeup and a comfortable outfit and headed out to the living room. But shit , your heart was racing. You suddenly felt incredibly dumb, staring Jongseob down as he lounged on the couch in his pajamas, reading a book for one of his classes. He looked up, glanced down at your outfit, and blinked a couple times before saying, “Morning, Y/n. You look nice. What’s up?”

You fought the heat that crept into your face as you responded, “Get dressed, bitch, we’re going on a picnic.”

He blinked a couple more times, his mouth hanging open, then closed, before he burst out laughing. You put a hand on your hip while you waited for him to finish; you acted annoyed, but it was nice hearing him laugh so hard after how quiet he’d been lately. 

He looked back down at his book and then glanced up at you, your hand still on your hip, your eyebrows raised expectantly. “Oh shit, you’re serious. Uhh, sorry, I don’t think I have time to–”

“Yes you do,” you interrupted him, walking over and snatching the book out of his hands, making sure not to lose his place. He made a low whining noise of annoyance and threw his head back on the couch, defeated, staring back at you from under his too-long bangs. He stuck his bottom lip out and tried blowing upwards to get them out of his face, but they just landed right back in the same spot, covering up his eyes again. 

“Seob, you’ve been working yourself to death lately. I know you have a lot to do, but you’ve gotta take a break every now and then.”

“I do take breaks!”

“Doom scrolling on your phone in between homework sessions isn’t a break,” you retorted, and he rolled his eyes. You continued, “You need to go outside. Bring your work if you have to, but you’ve gotta get some fresh air and relax at least a little bit.”

At this suggestion, his face softened as he appeared to realize you weren’t going to let him get out of this. “Okay, fine,” he moaned, standing up from the couch as he headed towards Shota’s room to get dressed. “Hurry up,” you yelled down the hall at him as you started packing everything into the cooler. 

He came back out after just a minute, dressed in a white oversized long-sleeve button-up, some denim shorts so baggy and long that they might as well have been pants, and a pair of white high-top sneakers. Your eyes drifted downwards and noticed nearly half the bottom buttons on his shirt were left undone, and narrowed your eyes, wondering if it was on purpose or if he’d only half dressed himself amidst his morning sleepiness. Before you had the chance to interject, he pocketed his phone, sweeping a portion of the shirt aside, clearly aware of its unbuttoned state. Weirdo , you thought stubbornly, shouldering the cooler. 

“You ready?”

“Let’s go,” he responded with a sweet smile, his book bag slung over his shoulder. He’d left his hair mostly unstyled so it hung limply around his neck and nearly covered his eyes. You envied him for how effortlessly cute he looked – now, and all the time – especially when you always had to make an effort to look put-together. 

As the two of you got into your old reliable Honda and started heading to the park near your apartment complex, your mouth went dry as it dawned on you that you and Jongseob never really went anywhere together without Shota. You took a nervous sip out of your water bottle. You’d been so confident about it before, so adamant in your mind that it wouldn’t be weird, but you found yourself struggling to come up with what to talk about, so you turned on the radio and both of you listened together in silence. Jongseob stared at his phone for most of the drive casually, and you wondered if he felt as awkward as you did. Probably not, you thought, as you breathed a sigh of relief once you approached the parking lot for the park. 

“You ever been here?” you asked him as you pulled the cooler out of your trunk. “Nope, never have,” he responded as he scanned the area, taking it all in. The park was well-maintained, boasting multiple healthy and shady trees, lush green grass, and even a duck pond off to one side. There were picnic tables scattered about, and a walking path, but you decided to spread out the patterned blanket underneath one of your favorite shady trees. 

He plopped down cross-legged on the blanket as you set down the cooler, opened the lid, and started setting everything out. In just a few minutes, you had a fully stocked charcuterie board ready to go, along with sparkling strawberry lemonade and a variety of sweets on the side. You knew Jongseob didn’t like bread very much, so you’d skipped the baguette that you normally would have gotten and opted instead for crackers, cheese, cured meats, pickled vegetables, and everything in between. 

As you set it all out, you felt a sudden rush of shame at the lengths you’d go to prepare something like this just for Jongseob, and realized that it would probably be best not to tell Shota – he’d be way too jealous. You reluctantly looked up at Jongseob and his eyes were wide and shining, glancing from the food up to you. “Y/n, this is crazy. I mean, it looks so good though. You should at least let me pay you back for some of it.” 

“Nah, bro, you’re good,” you responded as nonchalantly as you could, avoiding eye contact and filling a mini plate with food. You poured him a clear plastic cup of lemonade and handed it to him, and once your eyes met his, he continued. “Why, though? Why are you doing this for me? Please don’t get the wrong idea,” he immediately added as you opened your mouth to respond, and he continued, “I just feel bad. This is really nice. Thank you.”

“It’s really okay, please don’t feel bad. I just wanted to have a picnic,” you lied through your teeth, “and I knew you’d be laying around at my house so I wanted some company.”

“Oh, so I’m here to fulfill your own selfish purposes, huh?” he laughed, sipping the lemonade. You grinned arrogantly, but couldn’t keep up the charade fully. “Well, yes, partially. But it also seems like you’ve been under a lot of stress lately. I know you’re busy, but the way you’ve been so withdrawn this past month… it just…” you thought for a moment about what you were going to say next, his eyes on you curiously as you rubbed the back of your neck and looked out to the pond. “The way you’re constantly working and rarely taking a break these days, it makes me think of my more stressful undergrad days. I didn’t have anyone looking out for me and I got really burnt out. I didn’t know how to rest without feeling guilty.” 

At that last comment, Jongseob’s face flushed slightly pink and he tried to suppress an embarrassed smile. You could tell you’d struck a chord, so you continued as he shoved an entire macaron into his mouth, seemingly now comfortable with being spoiled. “I understand the pressure of feeling like everything you do has to be your absolute best. But trust me, it doesn’t. And I know that seems so backwards, but it will pay off in the long run if you make some small sacrifices to protect your sanity.” He chewed quietly, contemplating your words. 

When he looked up at you, you gave him a reassuring smile and you both relaxed into a comfortable silence while you ate. After a few minutes, Jongseob said, so quietly you could barely hear him, “Thanks, y/n. I don’t really have anyone else looking out for me like this. I don’t say it often enough, but I appreciate you, so much.” Your throat went dry at the compliment and you started coughing and reached for your drink. Your coughing fit died down and when you looked up at him, he was staring at you, holding back a laugh. You both burst out laughing in that moment, and you felt his barriers come tumbling down. 

“Why the fuck are we so bad at sincerity? I swear to god, every time I’m around you and Shota I feel like I have the emotional maturity of a middle schooler,” Jongseob admitted, voice raised, and you started laughing harder, feeling relief as the tension of the situation began to melt. 

To further get the jitters out, you felt like now would be a good time for frisbee so you pulled it out of your bag, pulled Jongseob up to his feet, and started throwing the disc back and forth. The game eventually ended prematurely when Jongseob accidentally threw the frisbee into the duck pond, far enough into it that there was no way of retrieving it. He apologized profusely and insisted he would buy you a new one as you both threw yourselves onto the blanket in the shaded area once again. 

“Damn, Jongseob, I knew you weren’t much of an athlete but I didn’t know it was that bad,” you teased him relentlessly, since every time he had thrown you the frisbee before losing it in the pond, you had to run every which way to retrieve it since he was hopeless at throwing it straight. He laid back and lifted his arms to cover his face and groaned, pushing his bangs upwards and out of his face, which was now coated in a light sheen of sweat. He took a deep breath, apologizing again. 

He then turned onto his side with surprising quickness, his head propped up on his fist, and trained his eyes on your face. “So, you and Intak? How’s that going, if you don’t mind me asking?” His face lost confidence with each moment of silence you spent thinking about how to reply. “Oh also, you can tell me to fuck off since it’s none of my business and you are in no way obligated to–”

“Oh my god stop , it’s fine,” you said with an appreciative smile and pushed him gently. “Uhm, me and Intak,” you mused, looking away thoughtfully, crossing your legs the opposite direction and snacking on some of the leftover food. “Things are going fine, I guess. No complaints. Why do you ask?”

“No reason,” he replied swiftly, his mouth downturned and shaking his head nonchalantly. “Was just curious. So he’s a good boyfriend? You’re happy, right?”

For some reason these questions knocked the breath out of you and despite how normal they were, you suddenly felt conflicted about how to answer them, so you just replied automatically, “Oh, yeah, he’s great. We’re great. Everything’s great.”

“Cool! Yeah, that’s good” Jongseob answered, pressing the issue no further, his eyebrows raised inoffensively, attempting to show you he truly didn’t want to be nosy. He rarely asked you stuff like this, so it had caught you off guard, but you were particularly disturbed by the fact that your first instinct was to feel conflicted, rather than confident, when answering his questions in the way you had. 

You truly had no complaints about Intak. He was kind, funny, and very thoughtful. He did everything right, he was considerate, and he never made you feel uncomfortable. So why, why , did you start to feel that funny feeling in your gut when Jongseob asked you about it?

“Hey, I didn’t mean anything by that, I was just trying to make conversation, are you okay?” Jongseob asked, concern straining his features. You realized you’d started staring off into nowhere and biting the inside of your cheek nervously, and felt immediately regret that you’d probably made him feel like he upset you. “Oh shit, I was just zoning out, you’re totally fine,” you responded, shaking your head vehemently, waving your hands back and forth erratically. 

“Okay bro, as long as you’re sure,” he said, not looking convinced, but picked up one of his books and started reading, one arm up under his head for support. You’d brought one of your own books as well because you knew he’d probably want to spend part of the picnic getting at least a little work done, and laid on your stomach parallel to him, propped up on your elbows. 

It had been only around ten minutes before you heard a faint snoring coming from right next to you. You smiled, turning quietly to find Jongseob’s book resting on his face. You took a moment to take in the scene, noting the way his shirt had ridden up just enough to show his belly button, the tan skin of his stomach smooth and soft looking. One hand rested on his chest and you were surprised that it, too, looked very soft, his fingers long and delicate.

You stifled a giggle. The guy probably hadn’t done a day’s labor in his entire life. No, his work was all done with that wrinkly brain - his hands completely callous-free. But it wasn’t just that. They were so…pretty. He was pretty. You were only just now realizing this, only just now seeing him as more than your little brother’s friend. You felt oddly guilty entertaining these thoughts, but there was no harm in looking, right? 

You decided to ignore your conscience as you laid on your side facing him and stared at the way his chest rose and fell with each soft snore. You felt warmth deep on your body, spreading through each limb. You were glad he’d agreed to come on this picnic with you. You were glad that the two of you seemed to be becoming actual friends, connected by more than just Shota. You were glad. You were…

… waking up to the calming scent of a bright, botanical, masculine cologne, your face touching something, your arm around someone, you were …

…

…

… you were waking up turned on your right side, your face pushed up against Jongseob’s arm, your left hand resting on his chest. You sucked in a sharp breath and sat up in a panic, accidentally pushing on his chest for leverage and eliciting a fit of coughing from him as he laughed at your reaction. Your stomach hurt and your heart was racing. 

You sat up, disoriented, and looked around. It was still light out, but you couldn’t tell what time it was. You turned back towards Jongseob and he was in the same position lying down, eyes trained on his book, but now suppressing a devilish smile. “Jesus, I’m sorry,” you apologized, feeling a shameful heat rise to your face. “How long was I out for?” 

He looked over at you, his face neutral as he looked up to think for a moment. Eyes back on you, he responded, “Not that long, but I’m not 100% sure since you were sleeping when I woke up. Don’t worry about it. You’re pretty cuddly, so it could have been worse.”

Your jaw dropped in shock, flabbergasted that he would use your own line against you, and he laughed, a positively evil twinkle in his eye and his crooked canines on full display. He was such a little shit sometimes, but you guessed it was karma for teasing him that one time he drunkenly slept in your bed. Your face got warmer at the memory, and you did your best to suppress it as you smacked him playfully in response, pretending to be mad. He didn’t fight back though, bunching up his shoulders and cringing away from your attack as he continued reading.

Not long after, the both of you packed everything up and headed back to the apartment. The drive home was quiet, but comfortably so. You were surprised at how peaceful you felt, even after the embarrassment of falling asleep on him in the park. Jongseob was so different from Shota, especially when the two of them weren’t together, and it dawned on you that you deeply enjoyed his company. Being around him was just so easy and comfortable. 

The two of you walked into your apartment to find Shota back home, and your stomach did a little flip as you saw that Keeho and Intak had come over as well. Intak immediately jumped up to help you with the cooler, fussing enough that you couldn’t fight back, while Shota interrogated you from the couch, demanding to know where the two of you had been.

“Oh, y’know me, just got done taking Jongseob’s picnic virginity,” you responded flippantly, and as soon as the words passed your lips, you desperately wanted to put a gun in your mouth and pull the trigger. Intak’s face fell in confusion, contorted in grief, Shota looked at you, completely disgusted, and Keeho burst out with an ear-piercing string of laughter. You looked at Jongseob, whose face was unreadable but visibly embarrassed, and as Keeho’s laughing slowed down he said “Aww, baby’s first picnic! Cute!”

Intak’s face relaxed in relief as he said “Oh, that’s what you meant?” You shrugged, and said “Yeah, sorry,”  feeling just as confused about it as he was. Why did you say the dumbest shit sometimes? You looked over at Shota with pleading eyes and he just shook his head at you but was finally smiling, as he turned his focus back to the video game that he had been playing when you walked in. “Well, did you have fun?” Intak asked as he put his arms around you and pressed his lips to your forehead. You should have found the gesture sweet, but for some reason it felt oddly territorial, the vibes not quite feeling right. You slid out of his hold and smiled sweetly. “Yeah, the weather was great today. It was super relaxing. How was dance for y’all?” you replied, making smalltalk as Jongseob settled on the couch next to Shota, his face still unreadable. 

You kept your eyes on Jongseob and as he looked over at you and offered a weak smile that didn’t reach his eyes, Intak put his arms around you once again from the side this time, and kissed the top of your head. “It was good, just exhausting,” he said, leaning into your body. 

You kept your eyes on Jongseob’s, and he stared back at you for what felt like the longest moments of your life, and then he was looking back at the TV, and Intak was showing you the moves they went over in dance practice that day, and your heart felt weird in your chest.

Chapter 6: Please Go

Knock knock knock!

The sound jarred you from your concentration, nearly causing you to poke your eye out with your mascara wand. “ What ?” you screamed in the direction of your closed bedroom door. “Can I come in?” you heard Shota yell. Weird, you thought, since he rarely tried coming into your room. 

“Sure?” you responded, confusion in your voice, and you heard the door open and latch gently behind him. He shuffled through your bedroom to where you were standing, leaning towards your bathroom mirror and working on your eye makeup. “What’s up?” you asked him without taking your eyes off your own reflection, face probably looking ridiculous as you made that ugly expression everyone makes when putting on mascara.

“Would you, uh… can I… um… well, I was just thinking…” Shota stumbled over his words, and sounded unusually nervous, which caught your attention. You paused and looked over to see that his cheeks looked hot, and your protective instincts took over. “Hey, man, what is it? You okay?” 

He laughed nervously and scratched the back of his head. “Yeah I’m fine, it’s nothing bad. I just wanted to know… if you would mind… helping me with some makeup?”

Your expression went from momentarily shocked to a devious smile, and you couldn’t help walking over and hugging him. “Of course I wouldn’t mind,” you responded, arms wrapped around him tightly. “Go grab a chair from the dining room.”

That night, you and the guys were going clubbing. Clubbing , of all things. It had been Intak’s idea, an idea that Shota and Keeho were both fond of, but you were surprised that Jiung, Jongseob, and Theo had agreed to go. They were much more reluctant to go out, preferring to stay inside most of the time, away from large crowds. You found your own preferences falling somewhere in between the two groups, but despite your nervousness about going dancing with a bunch of, well, dancers , you were excited to see what the night would bring. 

Shota dragged a chair into your cramped bathroom and sat down in it, his hands resting in his lap, looking up at you with the most pitiful puppy eyes imaginable. Your heart melted at the sight. “So,” you began carefully, not wanting to scare him away, “what did you have in mind?”

“I dunno,” he replied, shrugging and looking at himself in the mirror.

“Are we thinking full face, or something more natural, or something more grungy–”

“That one. Grungy. Just maybe some dark stuff around the eyes,” he responded, quicker than you expected. You smiled, pulling out some eyeliner, brushes, and a couple other things you wanted to possibly experiment with. 

Not long after, Shota was looking in the mirror at his fully smoked-out eyes and trying in vain to suppress a smile. Your reflection smiled at his as he made eye contact in the mirror with you. “Not to toot my own horn, but you look really good,” you said with a wink. “But there’s one other thing I want to try if you’ll let me.” He sat down eagerly, awaiting the next step. You rummaged through your makeup and found a pinky-nude lip stain and some thick, glittery gloss, and applied them to his lips in that order. 

When he looked in the mirror this time, his eyes widened in shock. “What do you think?” you said quickly, “we can remove it if it’s not really the vibe.”

“No no, I love it,” Shota responded, angling his face back and forth in front of the mirror to catch the shimmer from the lip gloss. “It feels weird, but I like the way it looks. Thank you,” he said with a smile that was uncharacteristically shy. “No need to thank me, dude. You’re so damn pretty though, everyone’s gonna want a piece of you.” He laughed, pushing you gently, denying it adamantly. “Whatever… now go get dressed!” you demanded, and he scurried out of your room, a smile still plastered on his face.

You finished your makeup and threw on a pair of mid-rise baggy jeans, the waistband of your briefs peeking out of them, and paired it with a white crop top and oversized leather jacket. Maybe a little heavy for spring but you could take the jacket off if it got too hot. You looked yourself over in the mirror, and, as satisfied as you were going to be, headed out to the living room; it sounded like someone had arrived, anyway. 

Everyone had agreed to meet up at the apartment, and the first person who arrived was Intak. He was dressed in black jeans and a black fitted t-shirt tucked in, a silver belt buckle adorning his hips. His hair was styled immaculately, as usual. He looked, in a word, perfect. You greeted him with a hug and a quick peck on the cheek. You exchanged compliments and had begun to casually talk about the day when Jongseob came out of Shota’s room, dressed in an outfit that was simultaneously so inherently him , but also seemed like it might have been outside his comfort zone? You wondered about this, fighting the blush that crept into your cheeks.

He was wearing a white fitted t-shirt with red accents, low-rise dark-red baggy pants, and white sneakers. However, the pants were so low-rise and the t-shirt was so small that it exposed the tan skin of his tummy, just above his waistband. You knew he was usually fond of baggy clothes and had never seen him wear a shirt that was so, well, revealing. The sleeves hugged his small arms and the rest of it accentuated his narrow waist in a way that felt so feminine, and contrasted with the masculine confidence with which he walked up to you, hands shoved in his pockets casually. His hair was wavy and disheveled, no doubt an effortless-looking style that, in fact, had to have taken a considerable amount of effort. 

“Nice fit, bro!” you said, trying to act normal. He gave you a blank look in response, and just the shadow of a smile. “Thanks bro, you too,” he responded, his voice flat. You tried not to care, but it hurt. Jongseob had been distant since the picnic, which confused you, since it had seemed like you’d grown closer at that time. The image of him making eye contact with you while Intak kissed you flashed into your mind but you shoved it away. The distance could be caused by anything, and for all you knew, he was going through something that had nothing to do with you.

The rest of the crew finally showed up, including Keeho, who absolutely fawned over Shota’s makeup, hyping him up in a way that made you realize why he’d asked for it. Your heart swelled, and you were suddenly aware of how excited you were for the night out with everyone.

The club that Keeho had chosen was loud, colorful, and chic. The decorations were beautiful, you could feel the music in your gut, and the drinks were concerningly strong. You made a mental note to pace yourself, but didn’t hesitate to take a couple warm-up shots with the group before you all headed to the dance floor. You danced with Intak, embarrassed at your lack of any real skills, but encouraged by the warmth of the alcohol that had loosened both your body and inhibitions. He was incredibly easy to follow though, despite how fluidly he moved. 

Meanwhile, Jiung and Theo had started a dance battle in the middle of the floor. Jongseob was watching them, drink in hand, fully entertained, and Shota and Keeho were … well, you thought you’d known where they were, but it took you a moment to spot them. They were off to the side of the crowd, and your jaw dropped at the way Shota was grinding into Keeho; you looked away and laughed to yourself. You were glad that they were clearly having a good time. 

After a couple more songs, you told Intak you were tired and went to sit at the bar, and he went to join Jiung’s and Theo’s dance battle. Not long after, Jongseob came to sit next to you. “Hey, stranger,” you yelled over the music at him, and he winced, giving you a tight smile. “Hey. Are we good?” you asked, abandoning the hesitation that you might have had a couple drinks ago. 

“Yeah, we’re fine,” he responded, shrugging. “Why?” 

Your eyebrows knit together, slightly frustrated at his aloofness. “You just seem, I dunno. Like you’re avoiding me, lately. Did I do something to piss you off?”

He sighed, looking at his drink. “No, it’s not that,” he responded, without offering further explanation as he continued staring into his drink.  

“Aw, c’mon, you can tell me” you urged, pushing his shoulder gently, but he shied away from your touch. “Hey y/n, knock it off. I’m not some kid that you can just push around,” he snapped back, but immediately looked horrified. “I’m sorry, I didn’t–”

“Is that how you think I view you?” you interrupted, unable to mask the hurt in your voice. 

“No!” he replied immediately, then continued, “Well, fuck. I…” he sighed, rubbing his face, clearly exasperated. “I dunno… I guess after the way everyone babied me when they found out I hadn’t been on a picnic, and then the way they responded after you took me on one, it kinda left a bad taste in my mouth.”

Your face fell, and you felt yourself sobering up immediately as you realized exactly what he meant, and why he felt like this. How could you be so stupid and insensitive? You opened your mouth to reply but Jongseob’s face went from sadness to panic as his gaze focused on something past you and he started to stand from the barstool. You looked behind you but didn’t see anything, and snapped back towards him. “What? What’s wrong?”

“It’s Shota, I swear I just saw him rushing to the bathroom, I should–”

“Yeah, please go,” you responded as he abandoned his drink and jogged briskly around the corner. You sipped your own drink, feeling your heart sink. Not only was Jongseob mad at you, but now Shota was probably sick and you’d have to take care of him tonight. You groaned, pounding the last of your drink and promptly ordering another.

“Damn, long week?” a familiar voice asked from your other side, as you looked over to see Theo joining you at the bar. He looked gorgeous tonight, which was really just his baseline. He’d worn a pair of fitted black jeans and a beige sweater that showed off his defined collarbones; he’d also been growing his black hair out this past year and it reached his shoulders at this point. He definitely intimidated you the most out of all of Shota’s dance friends, you thought, his dark eyes piercing into you as he awaited your response. 

“Yeah, I guess you could say that,” you replied dryly, sipping your drink as you noticed a text notification pop up on your phone, which was sitting on the bar. “Ah shit, sorry Theo, I’m not trying to be rude but I need to check this,” you said as he waved, dismissing you. 

js: hey, it sounds like something might have happened with shota and keeho? idk the details yet, he won’t tell me which is p weird. :/ but he’s crying. i’m tryna comfort him but he won’t let me in the stall :(

You pocketed your phone without another thought. “Goddammit, I gotta go see what’s going on with Shota. Would you mind watching my drink?” you asked Theo, to which he wordlessly replied, pulling your drink towards his. 

You speedwalked around the corner, stressed beyond belief. Shota was crying ? About Keeho? What the hell happened?

You burst into the men’s bathroom past the urinals to where Jongseob had his face up against a stall door, trying to coax Shota into talking to him. But Shota just continued saying “Please, go.” You heard sniffles coming from behind the stall door and ignored the looks you got from a couple of the men at urinals; you didn’t give a shit about anyone or anything at this moment, other than what had happened to your little brother.

“Shota? It’s me, can you let me in, buddy?” you asked as softly as you could, your voice strained with worry. The sniffles paused for a couple moments, then the door quietly unlatched, opening up to reveal Shota’s tear-streaked face, his makeup an absolute mess. His lip quivered as you stepped into the stall and pulled him into a hug and held him while he sobbed quietly. You looked over at Jongseob who gave you a knowing look, as he shut the door behind the two of you and, you were sure, stood watch.

“Shhh,” you cooed, stroking Shota’s disheveled hair. “You’re okay, you’re okay.” He whimpered in response, and after a minute or two of being held by you, his breathing finally steadying, he said, his voice still shaky, “I’m so stupid.”

“Shota, don’t say that, you’re anything but stupid. Annoying, yes, chaotic, even more so, but stupid… not even close,” you retorted, pulling away and wiping his tears away but smudging his makeup even more. “Do you want to tell me why you feel like that? Will you tell me what happened?”

He looked to the side, clearly embarrassed, and his lower lip trembled again. His shoulders slumped, as he explained the way he’d been dancing with Keeho until Jiung and Intak found them and commented on the way they’d been dancing together. 

“Yeah, he’s all over me, it’s so cute; he must like me or something,” Keeho had told them, laughing it off casually, likely not realizing that Shota was just barely in earshot. This was all Shota had needed to hear to know that not only did Keeho not return his feelings, but to add insult to injury, Shota had made a complete fool of himself.

“I thought… that I’d read the situation right. Why would he dance with me like that if he didn’t feel the same?” Shota asked, face crumpling again, and you pulled him into another embrace as he cried. Meanwhile, your stomach was in knots, and a hot rage burned in your chest. You squeezed him tightly, eyes starting to wet. “You stay here, I’ll be back,” you said with a scowl that you couldn’t hide, and Shota immediately knew what was happening.

“Wait, y/n, please don’t – I don’t want to –” he pleaded, but that’s all you heard as you stormed out the bathroom door and back into the noisy club. You were disoriented, the stress of your earlier conversation with Jongseob entirely eclipsed by the protective wrath coursing through your body at the knowledge that someone, Shota’s friend , of all people, had made him feel so rotten. Had laughed at him, humiliated him.

As you stormed towards the dance floor, you heard Shota far behind you. He was clearly trying to catch up to you and stop you, and it sounded like Jongseob was following close behind him, but you were too angry to care. Shota had always been such a pacifist. You had to protect him, because he wouldn’t protect himself. You wouldn’t allow him to be treated this way, even if he didn’t have the strength to fight back.

You spotted Keeho casually dancing with the others. “Hey, asshole,” you yelled at him, and he whipped around towards you, face full of confusion, likely not even entirely sure you were talking to him. But before you got within enough range of him to really let him have it, you felt your foot go out from under you as you accidentally stepped into someone’s spilled drink, and everything went black.

Chapter 7: Don't Go (pt. 2)

You woke to the beeping sound matching up to your heartbeat, and immediately noticed a dull ache in your head as you slowly opened your eyes. It took a few moments for the room to come into view but the first thing you noticed was Shota draped over the left side of the bed, seemingly asleep… not your own bed, though. A hospital bed? You looked to the other side of the room and saw another familiar figure sitting in a chair, staring at his phone, blonde curls shading his face as he slumped forward. 

You sighed, groaning quietly as you slightly adjusted your position on the bed and his head snapped up to look at you, eyes looking exhausted. In less than a moment though, he was on his feet, hovering over you but clearly unsure of what to do. 

“Y/n, hey, how are you feeling?” Jongseob said, his eyes wide, full of fear. “Do you need anything? Water? Are you in pain?”

You smiled at his concern. “Nah, my head hurts but I think I’m okay. What the hell happened?”

“You slipped,” he replied, mouth downturned. “Your head hit the floor. Hard. Be careful of the left side of your forehead, they had to give you some stitches.” You instinctively reached your hand up and gently touched the bandage covering the wound, wincing at the sensitivity. “H-hey, I said be careful,” he said, snatching your hand gently away from your head. 

In that moment, the door opened quietly and Intak peeked in. You looked back at him and smiled, releasing Jongseob’s hand, and Jongseob stepped away from the bed, allowing space for Intak to come closer and see you. 

“Oh my god, hi baby,” he said, his face marred with worry as he brushed your hair back gently and kissed the side of your head opposite the bandage. “How are you feeling?” 

“Head hurts but otherwise I feel alright,” you replied, noting out of the corner of your eye that Jongseob jolted like he remembered something, and rushed out of the room. “What happened?” you asked, trying to remember what had led up to your head hitting the dance floor. 

“Well, it looked like you were on your way to kick Keeho’s ass,” Intak began, and at the mention of his name, it all came flooding back to you and you stopped hearing the rest of his words. Jongseob being upset with you, then Shota crying in the bathroom. What Keeho had said about him to the others. The blind rage you’d felt as you marched out to confront him.

“Where is that fucker?!” you demanded, sitting up a little, but moving gently enough not to wake Shota. Intak grabbed your shoulders and rubbed them in an attempt to calm you, looking worried that you were going to leap up out of bed. You glanced at the IV in your arm and considered removing it. “Don’t,” Intak interrupted your thoughts, giving you a pitying but understanding smile. “Everything’s fine, we got it worked out. Keeho’s been, uh, spoken to,” he said, giving you a nervous smile. 

“What? How? No, it needs to be me, I need to—“ 

“Jongseob did it,” he cut in. You blinked once. Twice. “I know,” he said with a smile. “I was shocked too, but damn. I didn’t know he could yell that loud.” Jongseob had yelled at Keeho? You asked Intak to explain from the beginning, and he told you that while Shota had ridden in the ambulance with you, Jiung had driven everyone else to the hospital. 

The moment Keeho, sitting in the front seat, had made a comment about you being clumsy, it was like something had cracked in Jongseob. He had immediately started laying into Keeho, telling him that this situation was his fault, that if he hadn’t been flirting with Shota and then talking shit about him behind his back, you wouldn’t have come rushing out like that to confront him. 

Your heart swelled as you listened to Intak’s story. You couldn’t remember a time when you’d ever heard Jongseob shout in anger. The fact that he’d done it for Shota’s sake didn’t surprise you, but for your sake? You felt the edges of your psyche softening and your muscles relaxing. 

Intak continued, recounting that after they arrived, Jongseob ordered Keeho to make it up to Shota, which had apparently happened. Once it had been confirmed that you were safe and stable, Keeho admitted to Shota in front of everyone in the empty hospital waiting room that he’d had a crush on Shota and that he was just trying to look cool in front of them, and he asked Shota’s forgiveness. 

“I’ve never seen Keeho do something like that and honestly never thought I’d see the day, but I think he legitimately thought the little guy was going to kill him,” he said, laughing, and inwardly you winced. Little guy. Baby’s first picnic. You reminded yourself to have a conversation with Jongseob later and apologize, realizing much too late that he probably hated people talking about him, and to him, like that. 

“Yeah, well that ‘little guy’ has bigger balls than the rest of that group if he’s the only one who stood up to Keeho like that,” you replied, your tone sharper than you’d intended. Intak looked taken aback and a little embarrassed, despite the fact that he wasn’t even involved. “Yeah, of course, I agree,” he said, flushing slightly. “What Keeho did… that was really messed up.”

“Is Shota okay? How did he respond?” you asked, looking down at his sleeping form affectionately. Intak replied, “He seemed really embarrassed at first and the whole thing was painfully awkward, but they went off to talk privately and came back hand in hand, so I think he’s okay.” He winked. You smiled and sighed, feeling conflicted but relieved. 

The next moment, there was a knock on the door and a doctor walked in with a nurse and started asking you questions, so Intak backed out of their way. You noticed Jongseob had come in behind them. Did he leave to tell them that you’d woken up? 

Intak squeezed your hand before stepping out of the room, wanting to give the medical team space to work. Your doctor began a neuro exam, explaining that it seemed you’d sustained a mild concussion but that your scans had otherwise been normal. After completing the exam, the doctor left the room, but before the nurse left,  she gestured towards Jongseob, and said, “You should be grateful to have people like this in your life. This young man stayed by your side constantly, making notes about any activity he noticed while you were asleep. Any time your vitals seemed the slightest bit off, he came running out to us and asked us to check on you. Plus, he knew all your allergies and even some of your meds. He’s a keeper,” she said with a wink, exiting the room. 

Jongseob looked at the wall, face clearly burning up at the mistaken suggestion that he, rather than Intak, was your boyfriend. “Seob…You did all that? For me?” you asked, feeling your throat tighten with emotion. He fixed his gaze on you, face full of a mixture of emotions that you couldn’t place. Sadness? Relief? Affection? 

“Of course I did,” he said, offering no further explanation, eyes still boring into yours. 

You cleared your throat nervously. “I also heard what you did for Shota. What you said to Keeho.” 

“Yeah. It needed to be said,” Jongseob replied, a hint of anger in his voice that didn’t reach his eyes. 

You reached a hand towards him and he raised an eyebrow inquisitively, but placed his hand in yours, and in the next moment, you were sitting forward and pulling him towards you into a tight embrace. His arms hovered for a moment before wrapping around your back gently. You buried your face in his chest, eyes squeezed shut, and held him there. 

“Thank you,” you whispered after a long pause. He didn’t respond for several moments and you started to worry, but finally he replied, his voice low and soft, “It was nothing.” 

As you released him, Shota began to stir. He looked up at you with sleep still in his eyes, face looking ghastly, makeup smeared even more than before. “Y/n, you’re awake,” he said with a sleepy smile. “How are you feeling? Are you doing okay?” 

The questions were getting repetitive but you couldn’t say you minded. You’d felt very loved since the moment you awoke. “Yeah, I’m doing fine. Just a mild concussion, but otherwise all my tests apparently came back normal,” you replied, giving him a reassuring smile. 

“Good, you scared the shit out of me,” he said, leaning over to hug you. “Is everyone still out there?” he asked, looking at Jongseob. “Yeah, I think so. I know Intak’s out there and last I checked, the rest of them were as well.” 

“Wait, what? Tell them to go home and get some sleep!” you insisted, not realizing that Jiung, Theo, and Keeho were all outside the room as well. Jongseob laughed. “They’ve all been too worried to leave; plus, they feel horrible about the entire situation… especially Keeho.” You narrowed your eyes at this last comment and looked at Shota, who blushed and looked down sheepishly. “Yeah, you’d better bet he’s on thin ice, Shota,” you scolded, to which he nodded, understanding. “But if what Intak said was true, I’ll withhold my judgment. For now! If he hurts you again, it’s game over.” 

Shota nodded again but couldn’t control the shy smile that had overtaken his face. “Okay, enough, go see him,” you said, giving him a little push from the bed, and he blushed, walking out of the room. You turned towards Jongseob, who suddenly looked like he felt incredibly out of place, and he turned to leave. “I’ll, uh, go see if Intak wants to–”

“Don’t go. Please,” you argued, grabbing his hand and stopping him in his tracks. He stared at you for a moment, before pulling his chair up to the side of the bed and sitting. “Okay,” he replied quietly. You cleared your throat. “About what you said to me earlier at the bar–”

“Just forget it,” he interrupted you, firmly but not rudely. “I feel like such an asshole for moping so long the way I did. It’s just stupid. It doesn’t matter. You just need to work on feeling better, so please don’t worry about me.” 

You could tell he’d been ruminating about this, the way it all came spilling out. “Okay, I hear you, but I’m still gonna say this,” you replied, grabbing his hand and forcing him to look at you. “You are one of the coolest, most intelligent, and most thoughtful and talented people I know,” you began. His cheeks turned pink and his eyes darted to the side, but you continued, “It is never okay for you to feel like anyone around you is belittling you. If you ever feel like that again, I am begging you to please tell me.”

His eyes searched the room, looking anywhere but yours, before finally making eye contact. “Okay, fine, whatever you say,” he responded reluctantly, and you gave his hand a firm squeeze before letting it go. You laid your head back and took a deep breath, suddenly feeling drowsy. You looked at the clock and it read 4:18am. “Dude, you should get outta here, go get some sleep. I’ll just get a taxi when they release me” you insisted, feeling the heaviness of his fatigue from where you laid. He didn’t say anything, just shook his head adamantly, then propped his arms on the side of the bed and rested his head there. It wasn’t long before sleep took him, the room soon filled with nothing but the sound of the hospital monitor beeping and the sound of his light snoring. 

Before you knew it, you were being woken up by the nurse with your discharge paperwork; you were finally getting to go home. He went over the instructions with you and made sure you understood that you needed to take it easy, get lots and lots of rest, and come back to the hospital if you developed any concerning symptoms. Jongseob was awake at this point as well, no doubt listening intently to the nurse’s advice. 

You sat up and sat on the edge of the bed carefully, hospital gown bunching uncomfortably around your lap, and you looked around the room as Jongseob grabbed the plastic bag with your belongings that he’d stowed underneath his chair and handed it to you. You thanked him and went to stand, but felt a little dizzy when your feet touched the ground and needed to brace yourself on the bed. He held his hands out for you to steady yourself and you laughed, embarrassed. “They said this would be normal at first but damn, how annoying.” 

“Yeah,” Jongseob responded, face concerned. “Wait here, don’t move,” he said as he left the room in a rush. You held onto the edge of the bed for support. A few moments later, Intak came in, eyes wide as he approached you. “Jongseob said you… needed some help?” he said, blushing slightly, and that’s when you realized: he’d asked Intak to come in and help you get dressed. You laughed, face turning red, and nodded. “Yeah, sorry… I got up to get dressed but it looks like I’m still a bit wobbly on my feet.” 

He nodded agreeably and helped keep you steady while you got dressed, taking special care not to stare; truly, such a gentleman. As he walked you out, his arm hooked in yours, you took in the sight of the waiting room: Jiung was sleeping in a chair, head leaned back and arms crossed; Jongseob was showing Theo something on his phone; and Keeho and Shota were sleeping in each other’s arms, Shota straddling his lap like a baby. Entirely inappropriate for a medical setting, but it was the middle of the night and nobody’d come to make them stop. You figured they routinely saw much worse than this.

Jongseob and Theo awoke the others once they saw you walking out and they all started fretting over you, Keeho standing back nervously. Once you made eye contact with him though, he bowed his head deeply. “I’m really sorry, y/n.” Keeho was usually so goofy and unserious that it made you uncomfortable seeing him so serious, but you let him continue. “I feel like this was partially my fault, so I really wanna make it up to you. Whatever I can do, whatever you need, I’m–”

“You’re fine, just be good to my brother, or else you’ll find out what I was gonna do if I’d made it across the dance floor,” you said with a wry smile. He gulped, nodding and bowing his head again. “Yeah yeah, I hear you. Understood,” he responded as Shota subtly grabbed one of Keeho’s hands in both of his own, and snuggled up against him. Your smile softened. You were just relieved that they’d finally figured out their bullshit.

Back home, Intak tried convincing you to let him stay the night but you insisted you were fine; Shota would be there and Jongseob already planned on spending the night as well. Intak seemed disappointed but didn’t push the issue. “Text me in the morning, okay? I just need to know you’re okay,” he pleaded, and you agreed, kissing him sweetly. 

You thanked Jiung for driving everyone home in his exhausted state, and thanked him, Theo, and Keeho for staying at the hospital to make sure you were okay. You’d never felt so cared for in your whole life and although you felt incredibly guilty, you couldn’t deny some buried part of yourself relished the attention. 

Shota and Jongseob helped you up the stairs, Shota to your side and Jongseob behind both of you. Once inside, they followed you around to the point that it was almost becoming too much to bear. You were starting to feel more steady on your feet and less nauseous, but they insisted on seeing that you made it to bed safely. Once you were in your pajamas and under the covers, Shota and Jongseob came in and made sure your phone was plugged in and charging, painkillers with water on your nightstand, and told you to make sure you left your door cracked so they could check on you. 

You rolled your eyes at how pushy they were, but it was truly so sweet, so you just went along with it. As they headed out, you asked Jongseob to hang back for a second. Shota gave him a questioning look but left your bedroom as Jongseob came over to your bed and you patted it, inviting him to sit down. You sat up, sleep shirt draped over you much more comfortably than the hospital gown had been, and pulled him into another tight hug. “Thank you again, for everything,” you spoke into his chest. 

A few seconds passed and you waited for him to let go, but he didn’t. More seconds passed, and as your heart sped up, you could feel his racing as well. He rested his chin on your head and stroked your hair a couple times, making you feel like your bones were made of rubber. Uh oh , you thought, as your body screamed at you to let go, to end contact, to push him away. 

He let go before you were able to, his face flushed a pretty pink. He looked down and then up at you. “I told you. It was nothing,” he said softly, then promptly sat up and before shutting your door, said “Sleep well, y/n.”

The door latched and your body was throbbing; your head from the concussion, and your heart from…whatever that was. You decided it would be a question for your tomorrow self as you drifted off into a fitful sleep.

Chapter 8: I'm Gonna Go

The rest of the weekend went by without much drama: you’d texted Intak in the morning, as requested, to let him know you were alive, Keeho took Shota on their first date (complete with showing up to the door with a dozen roses – he was keenly intent on making it up to him), and Jongseob had taken to cooking for you and doing mostly everything around the house since Shota was a little distracted by his new relationship. 

When the week began, you weren’t sure if you’d be able to go to work, but you managed just fine. Jongseob was back at his dorm, Keeho was over nearly every night, and before the following weekend came, Intak asked to come over. This was unusual for him, since you usually only saw him on the weekends, but you certainly didn’t mind. 

The two of you decided to use the living room to watch a movie while Shota and Keeho hung out in Shota’s bedroom. “No Jongseob today?” Intak asked as you scrolled through the streaming app looking for something to watch. “Nah,” you responded, “he doesn’t actually live here, believe it or not,” you said with a laugh. “Definitely here every weekend though. Our place is way better for studying than his dorm, since he’s got noisy roommates.”

“Ah,” Intak responded thoughtfully. “So… he just comes here to do homework?”

“I mean, yeah. And to hang out with Shota, a mix of both. They’ve been best friends for years so this is kind of a second home for him. He’s a good guest and a sweet guy, so I don’t mind.” 

“Makes sense,” he said, and as you turned towards him, his neutral face shifted quickly into a sweet smile, his brown eyes shining. You smiled back at him and the both of you descended into a comfortable silence as the movie started. It was an intense romance, full of drama, passion, and steamy sex scenes. 

However, about halfway through the movie, you felt your phone vibrate. You glanced at it out of habit and would normally ignore it, but you saw that it was Jongseob, asking how you were doing. It probably could have waited, but you worried that he’d get concerned if you didn’t respond quickly enough, so you pulled up the text to respond to him, your stomach doing something weird. You pushed away the feeling, pushed away the memory of the long hug the prior weekend, shoved it all deep, deep down without a second thought. 

js: hey y/n, how are u feeling? have u needed to take any painkillers lately?

y/n: nah, i’ve actually been okay. thank u for checking on me! you’re the best.

js: whatever dude, just stay away from slippery floors :P

y/n: u don’t gotta tell me twice… lol

You slipped your phone back in your pocket, looked back up at the movie and felt Intak’s eyes on you. You looked over, and he looked… sad. Sadder than you’d ever seen him, his mouth unsmiling, eyes larger than usual. “Hey,” you said, turning towards him. “Are you okay?” 

“No, I’m not,” he replied, turning away as he sniffled loudly. Fuck. What could be going on? you wondered. You put a hand on his shoulder and rubbed it reassuringly. “Baby, what’s wrong?” you asked, horrified at seeing Intak upset like this for the first time. He was usually all smiles, his demeanor relaxed, without a care in the world.

Intak swiped a stray tear and looked down at his lap, then over at you, lip trembling, then got himself under control. He took a deep breath and smiled bitterly. “Sorry,” he said with a nervous laugh. “I don’t really know how to say this, but I’m just gonna go for it.

“Y/n, I don't think this is going to work out. You and me, I mean,” he blurted out, and you felt like you’d been slapped. “I can tell that you’re not as into me as I’m into you, and that was fine at first, but I don’t think I can handle being second best in your world.” Second best? you thought. What was that supposed to mean? 

“I’m sorry for just ending it like this but I need to protect myself before I fall too hard for you. I like you more and more each day and I can tell it’s not the same for you. I’m not mad, just disappointed. It’s not your fault, it’s just how shit goes sometimes,” he said, another stray tear slipping out. 

You felt frozen, a lump in your throat, and although you wanted to say something, needed to say something, anything…no words came. The worst part was that you knew he was right: you had known early on that this relationship would need to stay casual at most, but you were still disappointed that you’d hurt Intak in the process. You didn’t anticipate it ending this way, but you weren’t sure what you expected in the first place. You supposed that you just selfishly wanted the attention, and the companionship. 

You finally snapped out of your self-pitying trance and swallowed the lump in your throat. “Intak, I’m really sorry. I think… you’re not wrong,” you began, and he nodded, face sullen but understanding. “I really like you, but it’s true. I do think something’s missing, and it’s not your fault in any way, so please don’t beat yourself up.” Your head throbbed and tears wetted your eyes. Why was this so hard?

You pulled him over to you and he laid his head in your lap, sniffling quietly. You ran your fingers through his dark hair gently, trying to soothe his pain. “For what it’s worth, you’ve been an absolutely perfect boyfriend,” you said, grasping at any attempt to make him feel better. He laughed wryly, responding, “I appreciate it, but that doesn’t really help.” He sat up, and continued, “I’ll be fine in a little while, and I hope we can still be friends if you want. But right now, I think I’m gonna go.”

You nodded, understanding, and he grabbed his jacket quietly and left. You remained on the couch, and stared at the wall blankly, the movie still playing quietly on the TV screen. You weren’t sure how you felt. Numb? Sad? Relieved?

In that moment, Shota and Keeho came out of Shota’s bedroom, laughing, and asked nonchalantly, “What’s up? Where’d Intak go?”

You wiped your eyes roughly and gave them a weak smile, and said, “I think I just got dumped.”

Chapter 9: Don't Go Pt. 3 (Please Stay)

You woke up Saturday morning with that familiar ache in your lower belly. Recovering from a concussion, got dumped two days ago, and now my period comes? Great, real fucking great. A lazy ray of light came through the bedroom window, illuminating the walls, the piles of clothing on the floor, the clutter that had built up over the past two days while you wallowed in self pity. You ran your hand across your stomach gently. It wasn’t clear whether the weekend coming was a good thing, or a bad thing. On one hand, work had sucked ass. But on the other hand, it had at least kept you distracted.

You still couldn’t quite tell how you felt about your relationship with Intak ending. Your brain still felt fuzzy about it, and you couldn’t tell if it was the concussion, your emotions, or both. You laid and stared at the ceiling, taking a deep breath and blowing it out, long and slow. It hurt, but this was probably good. 

The situation with Intak was supposed to be casual from the start, but it had sounded like it had become more complicated for him. You felt relieved, but sad. You’d enjoyed the date nights out (and in), the long conversations, the way he always checked on you and was interested in what you had to say about, well, everything. You hadn’t deserved him, and he deserved more; someone who would love him. Maybe he’d started falling in love with you…

And with that agonizing thought, a wave of pain and nausea rode through your middle, forcing you out of the comfort of your bed. You pulled on a pair of boxer shorts and an old t-shirt and hobbled out into the kitchen. You pulled out your mug and started prepping the raspberry leaf tea, leaning against the counter and sighing. You fought the urge to just go back to bed but worried that it would just make you feel worse. You figured you should at least get something in your stomach, get some painkillers going, get the heating pad, all your routine comforts.

You looked around and noticed the dishes had been done and the house had been decluttered. The work of Jongseob again, no doubt. Ever since your hospital visit, something between you and him had shifted. He’d come over Friday night as he usually did, but like the previous weekend after your accident, he’d come over with groceries and forced Shota to help him cook dinner for you. Most of the time, Shota was pretty awful about chores, so you found that you had to take care of most of it or kick his ass trying to get him to help. However, Jongseob had basically begun to take over completely – funny, because he didn’t even live there, but it was nice nonetheless.

He didn’t know about you and Intak yet, and you weren’t really sure how to tell him. Maybe Shota already did? you wondered idly as you flipped the heating pad and added another minute to the microwave. As you pulled out the teabag and threw it in the trash, the door to Shota’s bathroom opened up, and out walked Jongseob, freshly showered. His hair, bleached and straw-like, stuck out in most directions, and he wore a black tank top with his usual gray oversized sweatpants. He didn’t wear tank tops often, and it struck you, like it usually did every time he wore anything form-fitting, how tiny he was – the bare skin of his arms soft-looking and tan, and his collar bones prominent above the hem of his shirt.

“Oh hey, good morning y/n,” he said, seeming slightly startled at your presence in the kitchen and beginning to fix his hair self-consciously –but  to no avail; it just ended up getting more and more tangled and he gave up, smiling awkwardly. 

“How are you feeling?��� he asked, cutting in front of you to grab the heating pad out of the microwave as soon as it went off. Okay bro, calm down , you couldn’t help thinking.

“Uh, thanks,” you said as he handed it to you. “Been better, but at least it’s the weekend. Sometimes when it rains it just pours.”

“What do you mean? Are you having any headaches? Is your vision okay? Have you tried calling the doctor, or do you need to go back to–”

“I’m fine, I just don’t feel great is all,” you butted in, suddenly feeling surprisingly impatient with the conversation. “I do have the headaches from time to time but they said it was normal. I just didn’t need mother nature to arrive at the same time, if you know what I mean.”

He looked at the tea and the heating pad and a look of realization dawned on his face. “Ah, shit, sorry. Yeah, I guess I should have realized.”

“No worries,” you said with a smile as you sipped your tea. “Not your job to keep track of my cycle, dude.”

Heat crept up his neck into his face as an awkward silence hung between the two of you, the refrigerator making a low humming noise.

“Um, is.. Shota here?” you asked, attempting whatever you could to break the silence. 

“No, he spent the night at Keeho’s last night,” Jongseob answered. “Is… that okay?”

You didn’t follow. “What do you mean? Is what okay?”

He swallowed. “Like, that I stayed here last night. You were already sleeping when he decided he was going over there, so we didn’t have a chance to ask if that was okay. You know, like, me staying over here overnight without him,” he said, hands in his pockets, looking down at his feet, then to the side, anywhere but your face.

“Jongseob,” you began, catching his attention and finally getting him to look you in the eye. “You’re my friend too – not just Shota’s. I don’t give a shit if you stay overnight, with or without him. In fact, I’d just as well switch the two of you out, given the way you’ve been helping out around here lately. Hell, tell him to stay at Keeho’s forever and you can have his room,” you retorted with a mischievous smile, rolling your eyes, and he burst out laughing, the thick tension dissipating from the room.

“It’s more than just that,” he said, swiping a tear from his eye after finishing his laughing fit, “I don’t know how to say this without making it sound strange, but I didn’t want to… make things weird for Intak. Like, I dunno if he’d have a problem with something like that.”

You had just taken a sip of your tea and started coughing at this statement, your cramps acting up in response to the abdominal contractions, and you felt like you’d die for just a moment. Jongseob waved his hands apologetically, saying, “Sorry, I dunno what I just did, but I’m sorry!”

You laughed bitterly and waved your hand dismissively, sipping some tea to quell the burning in your throat. “No, it’s just that uh… there’s no need to worry about that. Intak and I are done.”

The finality of the statement burned in your throat and you took another sip of your tea, studying Jongseob’s face as you divulged the information, curious to see if it would look like he already knew, if Shota had gossiped about it to him already. But the shocked look on Jongseob’s face indicated that he had not; that this was news to him.

“Shit, um, I didn’t know. Sorry,” he said, crossing his arms and looking down at his feet.

“It’s all good, just still a little fresh,” you responded, and he nodded sympathetically, then looked back up at you. “Are you… okay? Do you like, want to talk or anything?”

“I’m good, thanks though. Think I probably need to just lay down for the time being.”

“Okay, well you know I’m out here just working on homework, so whatever you need, just let me know.”

“Thanks Seob, I will,” you responded, nodding appreciatively.

You headed back to the bedroom and felt a swirl of emotions as you crawled back under your comforter and placed the heating pad across your lower belly, sighing at the relief brought by the warmth. One moment you felt elated, the next you felt guilty, and the next, you felt like you wanted to sleep for 72 hours and wake up a whole new person with a new life. None of it made any sense. 

You opened up your laptop and started watching a random movie, but the first hint of anything sad in the movie pushed you to tears, and you pressed pause. You wiped at your eyes and took a few steadying breaths. What the hell was wrong with you?  

You scrolled on your phone for a little bit, trying to distract you, but the feeling gnawed at you.

  Loneliness. 

This was the first time you’d really spent any alone time in many weeks; since the accident, since the breakup, since before you even started dating Intak… and it felt absolutely terrible. When did you become so needy? 

Knock knock knock!

“Come in,” you said, feeling defeated, as Jongseob poked his head in. “Hey, just checking in. Does your heating pad need re-heated?” 

You smiled. The guy would make someone a very happy girlfriend someday, you considered, but immediately, your stomach felt funny at the thought. You tried to ignore the sensation as you stared blankly at him, noting the way his almost-dry hair hung across his forehead, the curve of his mouth. Had his lips always been that full?

“Hey… you good?” he asked, concern marring his features as you realized you’d just been staring at him like an idiot. You blushed fiercely. You’d just been looking at him, really looking at him. Were you so lonely that you were at risk of crushing on your baby brother’s best friend?

“Nah, but I’ll be fine,” you forced out, trying your best to choke out your disturbing thoughts, horrified at the state of your own mind. “But yeah, if you’re offering, this thing has definitely run out of heat. Thank you,” you responded, pulling the heating pad from out of the covers and offering it to him. “Sorry about the mess,” you said as he walked in, trying to avoid stepping on the scattered piles of clothes, shoes, trash, and everything in between.

“Don’t be sorry, it’s your space,” he responded matter-of-factly. “Do you need help cleaning, though? If you want, I can–”

“Dude, you’re not about to clean my room for me,” you responded with a shocked laugh, appreciative but embarrassed. 

“I’m just saying, if you needed me to, I would. You’re hurt,” he said, equally matter-of-factly, and walked out of the room with the heating pad in hand.

You’re hurt. 

You rolled the statement around in your mind, chewing on the inside of your lip absentmindedly. You supposed he was right, in more ways than one. Maybe you should just stop bitching internally and accept the pity, you wondered. Tears pricked behind your eyes. Stop, stop, stop , you demanded of yourself, hearing his footsteps approaching down the hall and rubbing at your eyes fiercely. 

He walked in cautiously and crossed your room to hand you the heating pad, and before he left, you swallowed the lump in your throat and managed to say, “Hey.”

He stopped in his tracks, turning towards you, eyes inquisitive. “Yeah?”

This was so embarrassing . Were you really going to do this? You needed to grow up, needed to stop relying on others so much for comfort, needed to give yourself space to be alone, to be single, you needed to–

“Please stay,” you said, in the form of a statement, rather than a question. 

“Oh I’m not leaving, I’ll just be out here, okay?”

You covered your eyes with a hand, embarrassment threatening to swallow you whole. “No, what I mean is… will you stay in here? With me? I really don’t wanna be alone right now.” You peaked through your fingers at him.

His eyes widened as he looked around the room, no doubt looking for somewhere to sit and do his homework, when you scooted over to the wall, leaving a space on the bed for him. 

He blinked a couple times, seemingly frozen for a second. “Um… yeah, sure. I can do that,” he responded, and backed out of your room, presumably to grab his stuff. You began to regret your request as the moments passed but once he came back in, your nerves settled down, and you reflected on the way Jongseob had become a surprisingly comforting person for you.

He sat on the edge of the bed and it squeaked quietly as he bent over to sort through his books. Setting his coffee mug on your nightstand, he scooted back against the wall and crossed his legs, getting comfortable against your too-many pillows. I should really get a headboard, you thought.

“Thanks, and sorry,” you muttered, feeling bad but inwardly pleased that he’d agreed to join you. “Oh, it’sno problem at all,” he replied, giving you a warm smile. You proceeded to open your laptop and popped your earbuds in to resume the movie that you were too much of a baby to finish beforehand. 

But for some reason, it didn’t make you as sad, now. You watched in silence as Jongseob read through one of his many textbooks, his body shifting frequently to stay comfortable. However, his position eventually devolved into laying down, and as you took out your earbuds, the movie finished, you looked over to find him near the edge of the bed, turned towards you, fast asleep. 

You reflected on the fact that he seemed to have a habit of sleeping near you, and your heart warmed. You wondered if that meant that he was as comfortable around you as you were around him. With that thought, you pushed your laptop forward on the bed, past your feet, and laid down on your side to face him.

He held his arms against his chest, his head propped up on one of your pillows. You scanned his face, listening to the calming, steady sounds of his breathing. His hair had finally dried and flopped across his forehead, unstyled and messy. His dark brows were relaxed, and his eyes occasionally darted under his lids, his lashes long, dark, and pretty. You studied the texture of his cheeks, noting the way his mild acne scarring had faded over the years. His nose, however, was still small and cute like it always had been. And his mouth…

Your heart quickened as your eyes followed the plump lines of his mouth, his lips a soft shade of pink; it hung open slightly but he was breathing through his nose, so he wasn’t snoring. Not this time , you thought to yourself with a smile. You watched the way his bare shoulder rose slightly with each relaxed inhale, blinking away sleep from your eyes. 

You just needed a few more moments of this, you thought, but in that moment, Jongseob’s sleepy eyes blinked open lazily, momentarily startled to see your face so close to his. His brows knit together, but he smiled. “Y/n, you’re being so creepy.”

You giggled quietly and poked his stomach, causing him to jerk into a protective position and yell harshly. He held up his hands in defense, laughing. “Hey, hey, if you’re gonna force me to do my homework in bed and then let me fall asleep, you can not tickle me. That’s where I draw the line. Especially because I can’t fight back! You’re too fragile right now!” 

You smiled evilly, not sure what had taken you over, and reached toward his ribs, but he was too fast – he grabbed your wrists tightly and despite your every attempt to break free, he maintained the firm grip and laughed as you struggled. He was much stronger than he looked, and your stomach did a little flip. Jesus, you said to yourself, get ahold of yourself, you pathetic loser.

As you had these thoughts, the energy in the room shifted, and soon, the only sound that filled it was the sound of heavy breathing, both yours and his, as he loosened his grip on your wrists and you surrendered, putting your hands up. His breathing slowed to normal, and as you both lay there facing each other, he broke the uncomfortable silence.

“So. What happened with you and Intak?”

You blinked a couple times, looking past him to organize your thoughts, not expecting him to ask so bluntly. “He, uh, didn’t think things were going to work out,” you said, your smile turning to a frown as you remembered the tears in Intak’s eyes as he broke things off with you. Guilt flooded your conscience.

“Why not?” Jongseob asked, his eyes fixed on you. You were surprised at how nosey he was being, since he usually didn’t pry. But you relished in the closeness that you seemed to have regained with him. You hadn’t really been able to talk to anyone about it, at least not in detail. 

You sighed. “I guess, put as simply as possible, we just weren’t right for each other.”

Jongseob scrunched his nose up at this explanation, clearly unconvinced. You sighed again. “If I’m honest, he was really great, but, you know that feeling you get when you know someone is just the person for you? Like you know it, deep in your gut?” you looked at him for signs of understanding and his face was unreadable for a moment so you quickly added, “well, maybe you haven’t experienced that before. You’re still young,” you added with a teasing smile and he frowned slightly, blushing furiously. 

“No, I know what you’re talking about,” he said, his usually high-ish pitched voice taking on a softer, more husky tone. Your mind raced for a split second, but you didn’t give it the opportunity to get away. 

“Okay, yeah,” you continued, pushing a lock of hair out of your face. “So that feeling, I never really had it with him from the beginning, and we even agreed to keep things casual. I think,” you chewed on your lip for a moment, contemplating, “I think I kinda knew. Like, I knew there was an expiration date for us.”

Jongseob blinked at you, looking mildly surprised. “Oh. Did he know that?” 

The question felt like a sucker punch, even though you knew he didn’t mean it like that. He was just straightforward, and it was a reasonable question to ask. “Well no, but I also think I wanted to just wait and see where things would go, you know? Shit, I feel like this is making me sound like a complete asshole, and maybe I am—“

“That’s not what I’m thinking right now, don’t worry,” he cut in, and you appreciated it, nodding in understanding. 

“So, the other night, Intak just kinda dropped the bomb out of nowhere, and said he felt we needed to split up. Said that he felt that he liked me more than I liked him, and… something about not wanting to be second best to me? I can’t remember exactly how he worded it, but I’m still unclear on what he meant.”

Jongseob eyed you thoughtfully, then said, “Did you ask him to elaborate?”

“I didn’t get the chance. He left pretty quickly after that… it seemed like his mind was made up.” 

Jongseob hummed in response, looking at the wall for several seconds before propping himself up on his elbow and looking back at you with a serious expression. “So what you’re telling me is that you’re a cold, evil heartbreaker.”

Your mouth dropped open as you prepared to defend yourself, the words stinging momentarily, before he couldn’t stop holding back his smile and started laughing at you teasingly. You pushed him abruptly and he almost fell off the bed, flailing his arms to keep his balance and laughing even harder. 

“Hey,” you scolded, “it’s not funny!” But you started laughing in tandem and the bitterness, sadness, loneliness, and pain began to leave your body as you doubled over in laughter. Or so you thought, as tears started spilling down your cheeks uncontrollably, much to your surprise. Jongseob’s smile turned to horror as he automatically put a hand reassuringly on your shoulder. 

“Hey dude, knock it off,” he pleaded, shaking you lightly, which made you cry even harder, unable to control the sobs that wracked your body, your hands covering your face. And before you knew it, he was pulling you towards himself awkwardly. 

Unable to get his arms around you while the both of you were laying down, he dragged you up into a sitting position as you wept, holding you to his chest and shushing you softly. Your hands remained in front of your face as the tears continued, more slowly now, your breathing starting to regulate. Meanwhile, you felt one of his hands flat against your back, while the other petted your head soothingly.

“Sshh,” he whispered, and as he released you and you wiped your face with your t-shirt, you laughed shakily. “Jesus christ, sorry. Dunno where that came from… guess I just needed to release some pent-up emotion or something.”

“Probably karma for tickling me,” he responded with a sly grin, and you pinched his arm, eliciting a yelp as he slapped your hand away and sat across from you, legs hanging off the bed.

“And I’d do it again!” you yelled, laughing weakly. 

His face sobered slightly. “You sure you’re okay, though?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. It’s weird, I guess nobody really did anything wrong, but I still feel like an asshole because he’s the one who got hurt.”

He nodded. “Yeah, that makes sense. Intak’s solid though, I’m sure he’ll be okay. Hell, I heard that before he started dating you, he was a little bit of a whore, so hopefully he’ll be back in the game in no time.”

It dawned on you that you hadn’t really known that side of Intak. Not that you cared, but it had just never really come up. You smiled, hoping Jongseob was right. “I hope so, I just want minimal weirdness, you know?”

He nodded, and turned his head towards the door as you both heard the front door unlock and open and the apartment flooded with noise from Shota and Keeho. “I’m gonna go say hi. You need anything from out there?”

You shook your head and got under the covers as he grabbed his stuff and exited.

Oddly enough, you felt that one weight lifted from your chest, while another settled there in its place. You sighed and laid there, mustering the energy you’d need to venture out and join them.

Chapter 10: I'll Never Leave Your Side

“What the hell is up with you?” your boss scolded, leading you into his office. You sat down in the chair across from his desk and ran a hand through your hair and sighed, frustrated and not looking forward to this conversation. “I’m sorry Jeremy, I think I’m just still moving a little slowly after my accident a couple weeks ago.”

“Well I can’t afford for you to be moving slowly. Figure it out, y/n. This isn’t acceptable and you know it,” he snapped back immediately, staring you down. You hated the way he cared more about money than the human beings doing the work. 

“Or get a doctor's note. I don’t care, just don’t show up like nothing’s wrong, expecting everyone else to pick up your slack,” he said as he stood up, motioning towards the door. Tears threatened to spill but you kept your composure, refusing to let him see you cry. 

“Sorry, okay. I understand. I’ll do better,” you responded dryly with a curt nod, and left his office, hands shaking. You had about half an hour left in your shift and could barely get anything done, your brain more a mess than it usually was. 

You loved almost everything about your job: your clients, the flexible scheduling, your co-workers – you’d spent most of your adult life thus far dreaming of a career like this. You even enjoyed having to dress in business casual: your normal wardrobe tended to be much more on the casual side of things, so you enjoyed experimenting and seeing how much of your own personality you could inject into the drab dress code. 

However, the one thing that you hated about your job – and it wasn’t a small thing – was your boss Jeremy.

Jeremy was the kind of person who loved having authority. In some ways, he was great for the job – always taking the lead and being able to make difficult, split-second decisions. But in every other way, he was a thorn in your side, always nitpicking, never giving his team the benefit of the doubt. He seemed to be exceedingly comfortable correcting and scolding others, in a way that made your skin crawl. 

You wished that he didn’t have so much power over your emotions, but the way he treated you like some expendable machine, especially when you were getting over a head injury, hurt. Badly.

After clocking out and holding everything in, you cried the entire drive home. In the parking lot for your apartment, you sat for a while and dried your tears, trying to get your eyes not to look so puffy before grabbing your bag, slamming your car door shut, and heading up the stairs.

“Hi, y/n!” Jongseob greeted you the moment you walked through the door, catching you off guard. Normally it wouldn’t have been so jarring but your shitty day had made everything overwhelming. “Hey,” you replied, throwing your stuff down and grabbing a beer out of the fridge. 

“Tough day?” he asked, and as you looked over at him for the first time today, you softened just a tiny bit. His hair hung in limp waves and he wore a purple long-sleeved t-shirt with black pajama shorts, and was sitting on the couch, perfectly cozy, his eyes wide in concern as he waited for your answer. 

“Yeah, you could fuckin’ say that,” you replied, a little more curtly than you meant, and took a long sip of the beer. “My boss is getting on my ass for how much my performance has dipped since my concussion, and I’m so sick of it. I don’t understand how I’m expected to work at exactly the same level while I’m dealing with all these headaches and random episodes of dizziness and fatigue. Sometimes my vision even gets all wonky and I have to take a break from looking at my computer screen. But of course, he doesn’t give a shit about that, he just cares about money.”

Jongseob stood up. “Wait, you’re still dealing with all of that?”

“Yeah but that’s not the–”

“Y/n, when’s the last time you talked to a doctor? You should probably have someone check you out just to be safe,” he interrupted, a concerned look on his face that you ignored.

“I’m fine, I’m sure it’s normal, I just wish people would be patient with–”

“But how do you know it’s normal if you don’t get checked out just in case? I dunno, it just seems like–”

“ Enough!” you yelled with enough volume it made him visibly cringe, and you immediately regretted it, but your frustration was overwhelming and you didn’t know how to stop. “I’ve had a shitty enough day with one man breathing down my neck, I don’t need another.”

Jongseob’s eyes widened in shock and he looked taken aback for a moment, then hurt. Shit, shit, shit , you scolded yourself. “Jongseob, I’m sorry, I didn’t–”

“No, I get it. I’m sorry. Heard,” he replied quietly and picked up his stuff, heading to Shota’s room and closing the door quietly. You realized that, like last weekend, Shota was likely at Keeho’s again, so his room would be empty. You took a long drink of your beer, sat at the kitchen table, and sighed into both of your hands. 

He was the last person who’d deserved that, and you needed to apologize, but you would also have understood if he was mad and didn’t want you around at the moment. You sipped your beer, disappointment and regret souring your stomach and forcing you to stop drinking it. 

You took a couple long, deep breaths. You’d been frustrated by Jeremy’s blatant disregard for your health, and then came home to get frustrated by Jongseob’s obvious concern for it. It was completely backwards, and you knew it. 

You supposed you just wanted to be listened to, and that was fair, but it didn’t excuse the way you’d yelled at him. The expression on his face as you’d shouted flashed into your mind, and your chest tightened. You’d felt like you’d been in some sort of trance, blinded by your frustration and exhaustion; and now that you’d had a moment of quiet, you were nothing short of horrified at your behavior. It had been so unlike you.

The apartment became eerily quiet, filled with nothing but the ambient sounds of the traffic outside and the low hum of the refrigerator. You stood up, walked over to the kitchen sink and dumped the rest of your beer. Setting the empty bottle on the counter, you ran your fingers through your hair and groaned, squeezing your eyes shut. He probably needed space, he probably wanted to be left alone, he probably didn’t want to see you right now: all thoughts that ran through your head as you walked down the hall and lightly tapped on Shota’s door.

“Seob? Is it okay if I come in?” you asked, softening your voice as much as possible to be less threatening. God, how could you have been such an asshole to him of all people?

He didn’t answer, so you cracked the door just barely. “I’m coming in, okay?” you said, and as you opened the door wider, your heart shattered in your chest. 

He was sitting on the edge of Shota’s bed, face in his hands, bent over slightly. Fuck, what have I done? you thought as you rushed over and knelt on the floor in front of him. “Oh my god Jongseob, I’m so sorry for yelling, I was such a complete and total asshole,” you insisted, rubbing one of his arms, unsure of what to do. You’d never seen him like this before, and you wanted the floor to swallow you whole. You didn’t deserve him. He hadn’t deserved this.

But he shook his head adamantly and took his hands away from his face, wiping the tears from his eyes with a couple efficient swipes. “It’s not that, I just… fuck –” he began, but tears started to spill again and he wiped them away as well as he was able. He took a deep, shaky breath and exhaled, closing his eyes, then opened them and looked at you, his face looking determined, all the while his lower lip still trembling.

“You have no idea how fucking scary it was to see your head hit the floor like that, y/n. To see the ambulance take you away and not know if you were going to be okay, if you’d wake up, if you’d–”

He paused, voice cracking and tears brimming at his eyes again, and your hands found themselves on his thighs, rubbing reassuringly. “Hey, hey, it’s alright. It all turned out okay, right? I’m fine, okay?” you kept repeating, but he was inconsolable at this point. 

 You stood up onto your knees and pulled him forward into an embrace, his thin body clutching onto you desperately, chin resting on your shoulder. You rubbed circles into his back with one hand and began stroking his hair with the other. He continued shakily, “I was so relieved when you woke up at the hospital, I– I never realized until then how much you mean to me. I dunno what I’d do if anything happened to you, I just don’t know how I would cope.”

Your heart felt like it had stopped, and it suddenly became clear to you – the reason he’d resorted to taking care of you the moment you left the hospital, the way he kept obnoxiously doing trivial tasks for you, all the overbearing comments and questions about your symptoms. He’d been traumatized, seeing you get hurt. He was doing all this because he cared for you, not because he thought you were weak, not because he wanted to make you feel bad about yourself, but because he was worried about you. Truly, sincerely worried.

Soft sobs escaped his body as you held him firmly. “Seob, listen to me,” you said softly into his ear. “I’m so sorry for not listening to you before, but you have to trust me. No matter what happens, I will be fine. I’ll go to the doctor, I’ll get some more scans or something just to be safe. I promise, I’ll never leave your side. Do you understand me?” 

He nodded gently, hugging you even tighter.

As you pulled away slightly, not knowing how he would react to this gesture but feeling you had no other choice– you pressed your lips to his cheek, letting them linger there for a moment, trying to instill in him at least a fraction of the calmness you were trying to give him. Without a word, he kissed your own cheek in response, and pulled you ever closer to him, arms wrapped around you again tightly. Your heart beat wildly in your chest, feeling like it would burst. Before now, you’d never experienced affection this intense, this protective, this overwhelming before. 

And then it hit you. That feeling… it was love . 

You’d fallen in love with Jongseob, and you would do absolutely anything to keep him from feeling pain like this, even if it meant swallowing your pride and letting him fuss over you. Tears stung your eyes as you pulled away from him slightly and swiped your thumbs underneath his eyes to wipe the tears away, your mouth trembling. And then, it happened. One moment, he was looking deep into your eyes, and the next, his lips were against yours. His mouth didn’t move –  he just stayed there, mouth barely pressed to yours, his hands making their way to either side of your face, holding you gently. So, he must have felt it, too , you thought, as you closed your eyes, a tear slipping out of one of them.

Chapter 11: Please

Your hands gripped the loose fabric of Jongseob’s shirt at his sides. He pulled back from the kiss slightly, the taste of his tears wet on your lips, his hands still cupping your face gently. You opened your eyes to look at him and his eyes were shining, filled with a mixture of apprehension and desire. He sniffled quietly. “Can I… try that again?”

You nodded. With one shaky hand, he pushed a lock of hair behind your ear and with the other, he guided your face up again to his, knees parting to allow your body to come between them, closer to him. Your grip on his shirt loosened and you flattened your hands against the sides of his waist, putting less distance between your body and his, your stomach doing somersaults as he kissed you a second time. You wanted more, wanted to throw all caution to the wind, but you held it together, not wanting to overwhelm him.

This kiss was less anxious, his lips parting to press against yours more firmly this time, his breath quickening as you kissed him back, mouth moving in tandem with his, noting the way his lips were even softer than they looked. Your head felt light. Your hands slid around to his back and as you pulled away from the kiss, you pulled him into a tight hug. 

Shota’s room was silent other than the sounds of both of you breathing. Your heart was still racing and your mind had gone completely blank, so you just held onto him for dear life, scared to ruin the moment, scared for what it all meant, scared for what came next…

The moment was cut short, however, as the sound of the front door opening shocked the two of you apart and you looked at him, horrified. What is he doing back home already? you mouthed to Jongseob. I don’t know, he whispered, equally disturbed. 

You sat back on your heels on the floor and Jongseob put his feet up on the bed, both of you trying your hardest to look like nothing weird was going on, like you hadn’t just been hanging out in your little brother’s bedroom, locking lips with his best friend. 

Footsteps approached the cracked bedroom door and Shota took one step inside and froze, staring at Jongseob, then at you. He raised an eyebrow. “What are y’all doing in here?” he asked, not angrily, just confused.

You stepped in to save the day, laughing nervously. “Sorry Shota, Jongseob was just hanging out in here and I came in to ask him about a book I’m reading. Are you home for the night already? Thought you were going to Keeho’s for the night.”

You cringed inwardly, hating the way that last part sounded, like you’d been hoping to have the house to yourselves. He eyed you thoughtfully, then said, “Yeah, I just forgot to bring a change of clothes,” he responded, walking over to his dresser and digging out some joggers, a t-shirt, some underwear, and socks. 

“What, you mean you’re not gonna just borrow his clothes?” you asked, sticking your tongue out. He grimaced at you, responding, “Not a chance, you know how much I hate sharing clothes.” You did know, fully, but had decided to joke about it anyway to keep the focus on him. Since you weren’t the best liar, you didn’t want him to ask any more detailed questions about what you’d been doing.

After Shota left, you forced yourself to look up at Jongseob and he looked worried, gaze fixed in his lap, fidgeting with his fingers restlessly. You stood up on your knees and climbed onto the bed to sit across from him, legs crossed, and grabbed his hands, thumbs swiping over them soothingly. 

He kept his eyes cast downwards, and said in a quiet voice, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that,” and your heart sank. The sting of rejection started to spread through your body as you prepared yourself for the worst. 

“Why not?” was all you could muster in response, your throat tight. He glanced up at you, looking surprised, and his eyes softened but you could see pain, real pain, in them. His voice firmed, as he said a bit louder, “You just got out of a relationship.”

“So?” you responded, keeping your eyes on him. He needed to understand. 

“You probably think I’m too young for you,” he said a little more quietly.

“If that was true, do you think I would have let you do that?” you asked, voice serious.

He looked to the side thoughtfully, a frown still marring his features. “I dunno. Maybe. You’ve been lonely and I–”

You silenced him by leaning forward immediately, kissing his mouth softly, just once, and sitting back down. He froze, his cheeks colored scarlet, and looked at you with questions in his eyes. 

“Jongseob. This is kind of unfamiliar territory for me, and I don’t really know how to navigate it any better than you do.” You paused, shocked at the way this was just starting to spill out. This buried part of you that you’d denied, pushed down, never explored. 

“I care about you. More than as a friend. And I think you feel the same way,” you blurted. 

A shy smile appeared on Jongseob’s face, breaking through the anxiety and doubt. “Well that second part is pretty obvious,” he replied, blushing again. You couldn’t help smiling back, relief spreading through your body. His hands were still in yours and you held them up, kissing them one at a time, then setting them back down in his lap. 

“This could get complicated, though. I don’t really know how anyone would react to… us. If you know what I mean. You being Shota’s best friend, the age gap, all that stuff.”

Jongseob’s face sobered. “Wait, back up. Us? As in… like, you wanna date me?”

“You dummy, what else would that mean?” you teased, and for the first time since you’d gotten home, you heard his laugh, bright and adorable, the tension visibly leaving his body as he covered his mouth with both hands. 

“Unless of course, you don’t want to,” you said with mock seriousness. “I would understand. I mean, there’s plenty of girls your own age at college, it would be easy enough to–”

“No no, I want to,” Jongseob cut in, putting his hands up argumentatively. “I mean. If you do, too. I don’t care about the complications, it doesn’t matter. Let me be your boyfriend, y/n. Please.”

Please.

You were glad to still be sitting on Shota’s bed, because if you’d been standing up, your knees probably would have buckled. 

You realized after probably too many seconds had passed that he was staring at you, waiting for your response, fear clouding his eyes with each passing moment. Your face was already burning up so it wouldn’t be convincing, but you decided to look up and pretend to think about your response.

“Hmm,” you hummed in a sing-song voice, then looked back down at him. “Okay, deal,” you replied, holding your hand out to him. He rolled his eyes and grabbed your hand, not shaking it. 

“You can be a real asshole sometimes, you know that?” he said unconvincingly, a lovesick smile plastered on his face. You smiled back, heart feeling like it could burst. “I know, but I can be very sweet, too,” you replied, and pulled him in for another kiss.

Chapter 12: It Was So Simple in the Moonlight

“Where did you say the green onions were?” Jongseob asked, crouched in front of the fridge, searching behind plastic containers and all your various sauce bottles. “Produce drawer. Might be under some stuff, though,” you replied as you massaged marinade into diced pieces of chicken. 

After you’d talked a little more, Jongseob had agreed to cook dinner with you. It felt so suddenly domestic. He’d helped you cook plenty of times before, but this time was different. The shy smiles, the way he’d linger closer to you than usual. 

As you rinsed the rice in the sink, his arms made their way around your waist from behind and he rested his head on your shoulder. You let out a small surprised gasp and stiffened at the touch, then tried to relax, still getting used to it. He giggled, kissed your cheek, and went back to the counter to chop the veggies. You continued, unable to hide the smile glued to your face, but in all honesty, you didn’t want to hide it. Not anymore. 

Once the meal was finished, you both had decided to eat in the living room and watch a movie. Jongseob’s pick was Notting Hill , which surprised you. “Didn’t know you were into rom-coms,” you said, inquisitively. He shrugged, responding, “Usually they’re not my thing but this one’s different. It’s sort of a comfort movie of mine, I’m not sure why. We don’t have to watch it if you’re not into it, I just–”

“We’re watching it,” you said with a smile, and he smiled back sheepishly, and you both ate at the coffee table, sitting on the floor before finishing your meal and moving up to the couch. 

About a quarter of the way through the movie, Jongseob turned towards you and stared at you for a moment. “Y/n? Can I hold your hand?” You replied by immediately slotting your fingers between his, your hand enveloped in his and resting on his thigh. Your positions devolved from him fidgeting with your fingers in his lap, to you leaning on his shoulder, until eventually you were sat up straight with him laying on his side, his head nestled in your lap while you played with his shaggy blonde hair. 

You couldn’t remember your heart ever feeling this full, in your entire life.

As the movie ended, Jongseob stretched his arms overhead in your lap and yawned, twisting to lay with his face up to look at you. You pushed his bangs out of his face. “Nice forehead, bro,” you said, and bent over to kiss it. He smiled, canines showing. Cute. 

“Are you gonna keep calling me bro even when we’re dating?” he asked, eyebrow raised accusingly, still smiling. You considered for a moment, then responded, “Yeah, probably. Was there something else you wanted me to call you, though?” 

At this question, his face blanched and he shook his head adamantly. “Nah, I was just messing around.” But you were like a shark with blood in the water. “No, you bring up a good point. I should probably call you something else sometimes, at least to mix it up. Sweetheart? Darling? Angel?” You looked at his face to monitor his reactions, but he maintained a stubborn pout, arms crossed. 

“Hmmm, okay. Baby ?”

Jongseob’s eyes widened and his face reddened but he tried to maintain his expression, and you knew you had him. “Mmm, okay, noted,” you responded with a conniving smile, and he rolled his body towards you and pressed his face against your belly, groaning. You ran your fingers through his hair playfully, beaming at your success. 

As you laid there, his body relaxed and you leaned your head back on the couch, fingers still in his hair, thoughts and emotions swirling erratically. You were glad that just for tonight, Shota was gone, and the two of you could exist like this in peace. Before reality set in, before you had to have the conversations, or lack thereof – you weren’t sure yet how things would happen. You laid there in silence, various thoughts, ideas, and worries running through your head, and eventually you realized how late it had gotten. How long had you been sitting here like this?

“Baby,” you whispered, waking Jongseob from half-sleep. He inhaled deeply, then turned his head up towards you, opened his eyes and smiled lazily. Your heart swelled. “Let’s go to bed,” you said, and his sleepy smile turned to an anxious expression. “Y/n, I dunno if I’m ready to–”

“Sleep,” you cut him off, laughing quietly but understanding his concern. “Just to sleep. Is that okay?” 

His gaze softened, his relief obvious, and he nodded his head and smiled. 

Jongseob headed to Shota’s room to change, and you headed to yours and threw on some loose black boxer shorts and a baggy gray t-shirt. You finished washing your face and brushing your teeth and when you came back into your room, Jongseob was sitting on the edge of the bed, similarly dressed in plaid boxers and an oversized ratty t-shirt. You felt your body heat up, suddenly wondering if this had been a good idea.

Although you were dressed basically the same, you felt surprisingly self-conscious, wondering if you should have worn a tank top instead, or some cute pajama shorts, but as you were having these thoughts, Jongseob looked up at you and smiled. You felt your defenses go up and immediately resorted to sarcasm. “What are you lookin’ at, buddy?” you asked, fists up playfully.

“You,” he replied without skipping a beat, and your stomach did a flip. “You’re so beautiful,” he continued, “and I’ve wanted to tell you for so long.” 

Your jaw dropped and your brain floundered, searching for something, anything to say in response, but you just covered your eyes and mumbled, “Thanks,” then joined him on the bed. 

You got under the covers with him and you faced each other, smiling dumbly. “So are you,” you finally said to him quietly, feeling incredibly lame. You wanted to tell him how perfect, how stunning he was, all the time, every moment of the day, but you just didn’t have the words right now. 

“So,” you began, knowing this conversation would have to come sooner or later. “So?” he responded.

You sighed. “Obviously, Shota is the first person I’d want to tell about this, and I assume it’s the same for you.” He nodded in agreement, and you continued, “But I’m not sure I want to tell him just yet.”

“Why not?” he asked, not argumentatively, just curiously.

“I just,” you began, trying to find the words. “I guess I just don’t love the way it might look. Shota’s like, the least judgmental person I know, but I still worry. Like you said, I just got out of a relationship, and I dunno, it might look like… you’re taking advantage of me? Or vice versa? Ugh, I don’t know if this is making sense or if I’m making too big of a deal out of it.”

“Nah,” Jongseob responded. “If it’s important to you, it’s not trivial. I don’t really care either way, but if you wanna wait, I’ve got no problem with that.” You smiled. It didn’t surprise you at all how patient and sweet he was being, but it still made you incredibly happy.

You spent the next hour talking about anything and everything: shared memories, childhood nostalgia, your shitty boss, his current classes. At some point, however, his eyes started getting heavier and heavier, and you could tell he was forcing himself to stay awake. 

“Okay sleepyhead, which spoon do you wanna be?” you asked.

“Which spoon do you wanna be?” he replied.

“I asked first.”

“This is your bed, you should choose.”

You scoffed. “This is my bed so I should be able to make you choose.”

“Y/n, if I confess to you how badly I want to be little spoon, you can not make fun of me or I will become a fork.”

You slapped your hand over your mouth, stifling laughter – not at his confession, but at how dramatic he was being. “Oh my god, turn over,” you ordered, and he flipped over away from you with a huff. 

You shifted towards him and rested your face behind his head, inhaling the scent of his shampoo as you wrapped an arm around his waist and rested your hand on his chest. He put his hand over top of yours and gripped it tightly as you pushed your body flush against him, your bare legs intertwining with his. 

Well, this isn’t very relaxing, you thought as you laid awake, heart pounding, body burning up. You wanted to be closer to him, wanted to flip him around and kiss him deeply, wanted to–

At that thought, you began hearing soft snores coming from him, and you could have melted. You smiled into his hair, kissing the back of his head, the side of his neck, the part of his bare shoulder that was exposed by the loose collar of his t-shirt. Eventually, you drifted off as well, face pressed up against him, happier than you’d ever been.

Chapter 13: Brother's Blessing

Over the next couple weeks, you and Jongseob narrowly escaped being discovered by Shota and Keeho as you try to keep your new relationship undercover. 

Shota and Keeho had started alternating weekends spent with each other, so the following weekend, Keeho stayed over, which made the apartment fairly crowded with Jongseob staying there, too. Jongseob had discussed the arrangement with Shota and said that he didn’t mind staying at his dorm, but Shota insisted that he stay like he always did, since Keeho would be sleeping in his room anyway. 

Both Friday and Saturday nights, you’d wanted so badly to have Jongseob stay in your bed, but it had been your own idea to keep the relationship a secret for the time being. You knew it was a good idea, but as nighttime descended, you were kicking yourself. 

The best you could do was wait until Shota and Keeho had gone to bed, then go out to the living room to hang out with Jongseob on the couch. It was nerve-wracking since Shota’s bathroom was next door to his room and both of them had to enter the hallway anytime they needed to use it; they could come out and catch you at any moment. 

Although you yearned for the time that you’d be able to stop hiding, part of you loved the thrill of it – cuddling, talking, and making out on the couch with the constant threat of discovery looming. You couldn’t deny that it was at least a little bit fun. 

On the second night of that weekend, you stayed up with Jongseob on the couch until nearly two in the morning, both of you getting carried away with whispered conversations, heated touches, increasingly needy kisses. It was such a relief to be able to spend time with him like this after pretending all day, even if your eyes stung from staying awake. 

You were laying your head on his shoulder as you both watched a movie quietly, talking all throughout it, when Shota’s door opened, causing you both to jump and separate in one dramatic movement. You hoped he hadn’t noticed, as he walked out to the kitchen and froze, noticing you two on the couch through sleepy eyes. “Y/n? Whatchu doin out here?” he asked, speech slurred and sleepy. 

“Uh, couldn’t sleep,” you lied through your teeth, and Jongseob snickered quietly. Shota scowled, eyes barely open as he filled a glass with water from the tap and gulped it all down at once, then belched. “Jongseob couldn’t either, huh? Okay, weirdos…” he mumbled as he shuffled back to his room and shut the door. 

You looked at Jongseob and made a face somewhere between a smile and a grimace. “Oops,” you whispered, and he giggled quietly, his face lit up by the soft ambient lighting from the TV. You loved seeing him laugh. “You have the absolute best smile,” you told him. 

“Ah, you like these bad boys?” he replied, hooking a finger into his mouth and baring one of his sharp, crooked canine teeth. You laughed at how funny he looked. “Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do.”

He took his finger out of his mouth and gave you a shy smile. “Ah… Well, thank you.” Affection for him flooded your body and you tackled him, slapping a hand over his mouth when he started laughing too loudly at being tickled. Eventually, neither of you could stay awake and when he began to drift off on the couch, you kissed his forehead and returned to your bedroom. 

Just one more week, you told yourself. I can make it at least one more week.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Over the next week, you took some time off work to go to the doctor for a follow-up appointment to make sure your ongoing symptoms weren’t anything to worry about. Jongseob insisted on going with you, and you weren’t sure which one of you was more embarrassed when the medical assistant asked if he was your little brother. 

Fortunately, you were able to get some repeat scans within the same week and everything checked out normal. You’d texted Jongseob the moment they came in.

y/n: guess whose noggin is normal and brain bleed-free?

js: oh my god that’s so good to hear

y/n: [sunglasses smiling emoji] [finger gun emoji]

js: y/n i swear to god

y/n: yeah i guess it is good news huh

js: i’m literally in class about to cry happy tears

y/n: :( wait stop, are you for real??

js: yes!! sorry that i care about your fucking wellbeing and that you’re incredibly important to me!

You sat in the break room, smiling so wide at your phone that your face started to hurt.

y/n: you are the absolute sweetest. i’m sorry for worrying you

js: whatever dude. thanks for getting it checked out. i know you probably did it to shut me up but i just feel a lot better

y/n: [sunglasses smiling emoji] [finger gun emoji]

js: sigh

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As the next weekend approached, you knew Shota probably had plans to stay at Keeho’s, so you tried to catch him on Thursday night. You texted him to make sure he was free, and told him you wanted to hang out and have dinner. He agreed, no questions asked, and as soon as you sent the text finalizing the plans, your stomach started to hurt. You figured it would probably go fine, but it didn’t make it any less nerve-wracking.

You came home from work and walked in to find him already working on dinner. “Hey, thanks, Shota, you didn’t have to do that,” you said, secretly pleased that he’d already gotten started since you were starving. He looked over at you from where he was chopping vegetables. “Y/n, you really baby me a lot, you know that?” he said, an accusing smile on his face.

You smiled back in shock. “You’re goddamn right I do. You know what, you can finish this on your own, right? There’s actually this video game I really wanted to play–”

“No no, you can still help!” he replied immediately, laughing nervously. “That’s what I thought, punk,” you said with a sly smile as you washed your hands and joined him.

Once you’d both gotten settled at the table, your heart started to pick up pace. You cleared your throat as Shota took his first bite. “So… this thing with Keeho. How’s it going?” you began. Although it wasn’t the primary reason for your request to sit down and talk, you had still been meaning to check in with him about his new relationship as well.

“It’s good,” he replied, mouth full of food. You smiled fondly at him, glad he’d been able to find a boyfriend despite his ass-backwards manners and many, many peculiarities. He chewed and swallowed. “Yeah, he uh, he’s really great. I’m glad I gave it a chance.”

You nodded, happy with what you were hearing. “Good, that’s good. So he’s a good boyfriend? No regrets, right? You know I have a low threshold for kicking that guy’s ass,” you said, clenching your fists dramatically. He laughed and covered his mouth cutely. “Yes, he’s a really good boyfriend,” he replied, looking down and smiling thoughtfully. “I feel like ever since the incident at the club, he’s been spending our entire relationship trying to make it up to me.”

“Good! He should!”

He giggled at your honesty. “Yeah, if I’m being completely honest, it makes me feel a little bad but I do kind of enjoy it. Is that fucked up?”

“Not at all,” you replied immediately. “He should be treating you like royalty every single day. If he doesn’t, you’d better let me know.”

Shota smiled and nodded shyly. He was usually so sassy, and it was adorable seeing him be this vulnerable, talking about his boyfriend. You still had your doubts about Keeho, but as long as Shota was happy, you couldn’t really complain. 

And now, for the elephant in the room, your brain announced intrusively, and you picked at your food, suddenly nervous.

“So, Shota. There’s something that I wanna tell you, and, I’m open to whatever you have to say about it.”

He looked up at you from his food, eyebrows raised curiously, waiting for you to continue. You cleared your throat. “I’m, um. I’m seeing someone.”

He nodded. “Okay? That was fast.” His bluntness stung, but you expected it, and you knew he wasn’t saying it to be rude; he was just speaking his mind. “Do I know them?” 

“Him. Yeah, you do.”

Shota stared at you, growing impatient by the moment. “O…kay? So?”

Your hands began to sweat and you rubbed them on your work pants, avoiding eye contact with him. “What, are you back together with Intak or something?”

“No…”

“Y/n just tell m–”

“It’s Jongseob.”

He blinked once. Twice. Silence hung thick in the air and the room felt stuffy. You looked down at your plate, waiting, waiting, dreading Shota’s response, his scolding, his objections.

But the sound of his laughter split through the air and you looked up, confused, as Shota started cracking up. “No way,” he wheezed. “You and Jongseob? For real ?”

You sighed. “Yes,” you replied blandly, feeling a blush creep up your neck as you fought an embarrassed smile. He fell into another fit of laughter and you wanted to roll your eyes but didn’t; you were simply relieved that he didn’t seem mad. 

“Damn, I knew you were a cradle robber but I didn’t know you were that much of one,” he blurted out, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye. You must not have been able to control the look that you made at that comment, because his face immediately sobered. “Shit, that came out a lot ruder than I meant it. I was just teasing, I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“Nah, it’s all good, I kinda deserve it. Well. I mean, I dunno. I definitely didn’t develop feelings for him on purpose. Feels like something that just happened to me,” you said, and hid your face into your hands, letting out a muffled scream. “God, why is this so embarrassing?”

Shota giggled. “Because you’re dating your little bro’s best friend, you pervert.”

Your jaw dropped, horrified, but he was laughing again. Okay, this could have been a lot worse, you thought. You could handle the jokes, and they were at least expected. 

As Shota’s laughing subsided, however, he took on a more serious tone. “You don’t think this is a rebound situation, right? Like, after your thing with Intak?”

“No,” you replied immediately, and he seemed relieved at the quickness of your answer. “No, not at all. I think I’ve been in denial about this for a minute, but I haven’t really explored it that much. One thing I know for certain, though, is that this has nothing to do with the situation with Intak. I promise.”

Shota nodded. “Okay. Okay, that’s good. Because… shit, I actually don’t know if I should tell you this.” He thought about it for just a moment longer, and then continued, “Ah, fuck it. He’d probably end up telling you anyway. When we were all kids, he had a pretty huge crush on you. I thought it was just a childhood thing, but now I’m wondering if, maybe… it never went away?”

Your throat went dry at this information, and you just nodded, thinking. 

After a few moments of silence, Shota sighed and cleared his voice. “Okay, serious talk time. I’m only gonna say this once, because you know how much I hate being confrontational.” You nodded, encouraging him to continue, his intense eye contact burning into you. 

“Just know that …you need to be really careful. Jongseob looks up to you, and you’re in a position where you could probably hurt him pretty badly.” You winced at this comment, but you knew he was right. “With Intak, I honestly couldn’t care less, and I’m sorry if this is blunt but I figured that wouldn’t really last long since the two of you don’t have that much in common, but with Jongseob? I dunno that he can really do casual, when it comes to dating. Especially not with you.”

You felt tears prick at the back of your eyes as you felt the pressure of the situation, but there was one thing you were certain of.

“Shota… I… love him,” you said, tears slipping out of your eyes. His face dropped at your change in demeanor, eyes round and shining as he nodded, listening to you intently. “Okay, okay. Good. I mean, shit. I’m sorry, did I say something to hurt your feelings? You don’t think I’m mad at you, right?”

You shook your head adamantly and wiped the tears away. “No no no, don’t worry, it’s not you. You’re being the best friend possible right now, and the best brother. It’s just… hearing you say all that, it just made me realize how much I really do love him. And, I haven’t told him this yet, so please don’t say anything, but…” you rubbed your eyes again, taking a deep shuddering breath. “It’s just overwhelming, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so protective of someone before, other than you of course. I can’t imagine messing around with him, you have to understand I could never, ever even imagine doing something like that to him. You have to understand,” you said and began to cry again, and he reached across the table and grabbed your hands. 

“Okay yeah, I hear you, I understand. I’m glad, y/n. It’s okay. Please stop crying,” he said with a nervous laugh. You and Shota didn’t cry in front of each other often at all, so he didn’t seem to know what to do other than pat your hands awkwardly.

After talking a bit more, Shota brought up something that you knew would come up. 

“So, I know I said I didn’t really care about the situation with Intak, but… I still think you need to tell him. Before you tell the other guys.” You nodded, agreeing with him. 

You wiped the remnants of tears at the corners of your eyes and pulled out your phone immediately to text Intak. “Wait, don’t tell him over text! That’s so uncool, y/n,” Shota scolded, and you showed him the text that you had just sent him, asking him if you could meet at a coffee shop to talk some things over. 

You rolled your eyes at him. “C’mon Shota, you know me better than that,” you said, and he shrugged. “Sorry, just had to make sure.” 

The next moment, Jongseob came through the door, having just gotten out of a late weekday class. This wasn’t one of the normal days he would have come over, but since it was the day you had wanted to talk to Shota, he’d made it work. 

“Hey guys,” he said with a strained smile. “Hey,” Shota responded. “Hi,” you said, elated to see him but feeling the tension in the room suck out all the air. You cleared your throat. “I’m gonna…”

“Sure, okay,” Shota responded knowingly as you made eye contact with Jongseob, gave him a reassuring smile, and headed to your room to give them some privacy to talk. About half an hour later, you heard a knock on your door, and you answered it to find Shota on the other side. “C’mon,” he said, nodding his head in the direction of the common area. You complied and walked out to find Jongseob on the couch, staring at his phone while the TV played some video that Shota was forcing him (and soon to be both of you) to watch. 

You looked at Shota, and he gestured towards the couch. “Oh my god y/n just sit down and chill.” You looked at him, confused. “Wait, so that’s it?” 

He plopped down on the couch and grabbed a handful of Doritos, shoving most of them into his mouth. “Unless y’all have any more secrets, yeah, we’re good. Just don’t be weird. Hold hands, do whatever you need to do, I’ll get used to it.” 

You sat down on the couch next to Jongseob and he gave you a sweet smile, melting any remaining anxiety that you had. He pecked your cheek lightly and took your hand in his, as Shota proceeded to show both of you his latest YouTube fixation.

As the evening continued, you couldn’t help thinking about what Shota had said, and taking his words to heart. Every time you looked at Jongseob, you felt a renewed sense of protectiveness towards him, the love nearly pouring out of you. It took so much self-control not to say it. You knew you couldn’t tell him now, so soon. Your confession would have to wait. 

But it didn’t make it any less real.

Chapter 14: Clearing the Air

Later that night as you cuddled in bed next to Jongseob (who had decided to stay the night, even though it was a weeknight), your phone lit up on the nightstand, and you reached over him to grab it. 

tak: hey, y/n, thanks for reaching out, i hope you’ve been doing good. i’m down to meet up and talk, just let me know when and where

y/n: great, i really appreciate it, and likewise. how about this Saturday at 10am? that coffee shop we used to go to? 

y/n: or wait, is that weird :/

y/n: shit, nevermind, you choose

tak: lol it’s all good, that coffee shop is fine. see you then

y/n: ok!!

You sighed and put your phone back on the nightstand. “Everything okay?” Jongseob asked in the dark, rubbing your side. 

“Yeah, just made plans to meet up with Intak Saturday morning and talk.”

“Mmm,” he responded and kissed your shoulder. “Are you nervous?”

“Nah, I think it’ll go fine. Just something that I need to get over with, I guess.”

“Yeah, I get that.”

A long silence ensued, and something flickered across your mind.

“You don’t feel weird about this, right?” you asked.

“About what?”

“Oh, you know what. About me going to get coffee with Intak and tell him about us. That doesn’t make you uncomfortable, right?”

“No!” he said a little too loudly and you smiled. “Just… don’t go falling for him again, or whatever,” he muttered, and you burst out laughing. 

“When I have you to come back home to? Not a chance,” you replied, kissing his cheek over and over again.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Hey, y/n,” Intak said in a friendly tone as he approached your table. “Hi Intak,” you said with a nervous smile as you stood up and hugged him. He looked good, like he always did, but you were relieved that he seemed happy, nearly glowing. What a relief , you thought.

Once you'd both ordered and sat back down again, you took a deep breath and began.

“Okay, first of all, I wanted to apologize for…” you looked down and chewed the inside of your lip, thinking of how best to phrase what you wanted to say. “For, I guess, just not being very emotionally honest when we were together. I think I knew, deep down, that things between us wouldn’t last – nothing to do with you, just a gut feeling – and, I guess I didn’t really know what I was doing with you, or why.”

He raised his eyebrows, brown puppy-dog eyes widening in understanding, as he nodded, encouraging you to continue. “Nothing about it was your fault, though. You have to know that. You’re attractive and sweet and attentive and you absolutely deserve someone who will fully appreciate you. But anyway, I’m sorry for how things ended up, the last thing I wanted was for you to get hurt.”

Intak smiled sweetly and nodded again, his eyes full of compassion and empathy. “Hey, it’s really okay. I’m doing fine. Nothing to apologize for.”

You let out a huge sigh of relief and smiled back, bowing your head slightly and taking a sip of your drink. “There was… another thing I wanted to talk to you about today,” you began tentatively.

He sipped his drink casually. “Okay? Sure, what’s up?” he responded, looking curious.

“I’m, uh… I’m dating Jongseob.”

His expression didn’t change. Shit, he’s mad, you thought immediately. He looked to the left, then the right, then back at you. “Yeah. Okay? And?”

You blinked at him a couple times. “Um. Okay wait, what do you mean?”

He stared back at you, confused. “I mean, I guess I just don’t understand what you wanted to talk about. Are you guys doing okay? Is something wrong? Like, do you need anything?”

This got more confusing by the second, and you took a deep breath. “I wanted to let you know because of how recently we broke up. And, you know, he’s someone that you know. I just wanted to be open and honest with you about it, and let you know before the others found out. Because… I know how it looks, and I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

He furrowed his brows together and smiled. “Y/n… I honestly assumed you would get together with him the moment I dumped you. Felt like I was doing you a service, actually, by breaking things off… so you could finally be with him. I figured you didn’t have the guts, or something, to tell me.”

Your face went hot and that last comment offended you, but he quickly added, “I know, I wasn’t really giving you the benefit of the doubt. It’s just, I saw the way you looked at him, and the way he always stared at you, and it was just… so obvious? To me, at least. And to Theo. Especially after the hospital. If I’m honest, I felt like boyfriend number two in that situation. Not that you shouldn’t have people who care about you and want to take care of you, but damn, he kinda made me look bad. Not that I can fault him, but still.”

He laughed and ran a hand through his hair, leaning back in his chair a little. Your stomach churned at the thought of him and Theo talking about you like that but you knew you couldn’t fault them. It’s not like they’d technically been wrong, but it still made you feel so stupid.

“I also want to make it clear that I didn’t necessarily think you were cheating or anything, but I could just tell your heart wasn’t really with me, and it got too difficult to deal with,” he added, face taking on a more serious expression.

Your chest panged with guilt. “Yeah, that makes sense. That’s totally fair. I’m really sorry.”

“Hey, it’s all good. Obviously I was disappointed but I’m not going to try to force something that isn’t meant to be. You’re a really cool person and I’m glad you’ve uh, finally figured out who your person is,” he added with a chuckle. “I have a tendency to get a little involved when I start dating someone so, even though we had agreed that things needed to stay casual, I think I just got too invested and that’s on me. Not your fault, it’s just the way things happened.” You nodded, a smile of relief tugging at your lips.

After talking about something other things and catching up in general, the conversation becoming much lighter and more comfortable, a thought occurred to you, and you blurted:

“Wait, so you’re telling me that I was one of the only people who didn’t know that I liked Jongseob?”

“Seems to be that way,” he replied with a kindhearted laugh, sipping his drink. “Wait,” he added, “I even told you that I didn’t want to be second best in your world. What the hell did you think that meant, y/n?”

Your face burned up. “Honestly, I didn’t know and I was too afraid and in shock to ask, so I just let it go without a second thought. This just gets more embarrassing, huh.”

He laughed heartily as you put your elbows on the table, covered your face with your hands, and groaned. As you smiled, and finished your drink, he cleared his throat.

“So…on this topic, I should mention. I’ve actually got a date with someone tonight. So I really mean it when I say, don’t worry about me. I’m cool if you are.”

You smiled and your mouth dropped open in momentary shock, eyes wide, then you fist bumped him and he burst out laughing as he returned it. 

“That’s great. I’m happy for you,” you said, voice taking on a more serious tone.

“For us ,” he added, and you nodded, standing up from the table and giving him another hug before you parted ways amicably.

Chapter 15: Going Places

You walked through the front door of your apartment with Shota, arms aching from all the heavy plastic bags cutting into them.

“Y/n, we are a one trip household , he’d screamed at you outside the car as he piled more bags onto your wrists, his own arms flexing under the weight of the ones he was already holding. Once inside, you lowered them to the ground as carefully as possible, but you were unable to avoid the loud clank of the glass bottles as you set them down. 

It had been Shota’s idea to host a party for the end of the school year, with your usual group (which you hadn’t seen since you and Jongseob had started dating). Your household was supplying the drinks, Jiung and Theo volunteered to bring snacks, Keeho was bringing chicken, and Intak was bringing his new girlfriend. 

After you’d both set the bags down and Shota had gone to his room to change, you looked around and noticed the house looked immaculate. You turned the corner into the kitchen to find Jongseob finishing up the dishes and hugged him from behind, smiling into his back and hooking your hands around his waist. “Thanks for cleaning,” you said, voice muffled by his shirt.

“No prob. Do we need anything else before tonight?” he asked, turning off the water as he put the last dish on the drying rack.

“Nope,” you replied, releasing him so he could dry his hands, then pulling him in for a hug, rubbing his back briskly. “I’m gonna go get ready, come on.”

He held your hand as he followed you to your room and you both got ready; you changed into baggy blue jeans and a white short-sleeved button-up, while he put on a pair of black baggy cargo pants and a fitted baby tee with pink text. As soon as you saw him, your mind went blank and your hands made their way, completely outside your control, to his tiny waist. 

“ Damn, ” you whispered as he giggled and pushed your hands away; you went to the bathroom to start on your makeup, fully in a daze. He joined you about halfway through to do his hair, putting it up in little half pigtails (using some of your tiny clear hairbands), and you truly could have disintegrated at how cute he was. 

After fighting weakly and losing rapidly, he let you dab some pearly eyeshadow on his inner corners and headed out to the living room as people started to arrive.

Taeyang and Jiung arrived first, arms fully loaded with bags of snacks that they set on the counter. As you pulled out large bowls to put them in, Taeyang leaned his ass against the kitchen counter next to you, arms crossed, and looked down at you with a piercing gaze. He was so beautiful, hair even longer than last time you saw him; he looked positively vampiric, with his dark hair, pale skin, and dark pink lips. Was he wearing makeup? You wondered, but then realized he’d just asked you a question.

“Hello, Earth to y/n?” he yelled over the music, and you smiled, embarrassed. “Sorry, what?”

“So? You and blondie?”

Your smile dropped. “How did you–”

“Intak told me because he’s such a little gossip, but I just wanted to verify it with you because I’m nosy.”

You laughed, dropping your guard a bit. “Ah, I see. Well, the rumor’s true,” you replied, shrugging your shoulders. 

“Cool,” he responded, leaving to go join the others. That was it? You sighed in relief. You weren’t sure why you were expecting Taeyang to be mad, but you were just relieved he wasn’t. Or else, as far as you knew, he wasn’t.

Keeho arrived next with the chicken, which everyone started to dive into without waiting for Intak, and shortly after, Intak walked in with his girlfriend and introduced her to everyone, beginning with you. Her name was Lily, and she had dark round eyes, full lips, and beautiful dark hair; she was drop dead gorgeous, and you weren’t surprised. The two of them were a match made in heaven, a bisexual dream. 

An hour or two later, everyone was at least a few drinks in, and getting rowdier by the minute. Shota wouldn’t get out of Keeho’s lap, Jiung and Taeyang wouldn’t stop screaming at each other over Mario Kart, and you and Lily had basically become best friends. 

At the end of one of the Mario Kart matches, Shota jumped off of Keeho and started dancing, which made Jiung get up and started dance battling him, which resulted in your downstairs neighbors calling the cops because there was so much screaming that they couldn’t tell if you were hosting a party or if a mass murder was taking place.

After the cops left, Shota took off his shirt and started showing everyone the wall run that he’d perfected, adding to the footprints that already marred your white walls. You pulled out your phone and added magic erasers to your shopping list before going outside your front door with Jongseob to smoke. 

Neither of you were smokers but you sometimes couldn’t help yourself when you’d been drinking, so you always kept a pack on hand, just in case the feeling struck (like it did, now). You lit a cigarette, sucked in the acrid smoke, then leaned towards Jongseob’s face to allow him to light his from the tip of yours. Your head felt light and pleasant, and he looked so impossibly sexy, cheeks flushed from alcohol, pigtails a mess, the skin of his lower belly showing. 

After his next exhalation, you leaned in and kissed him, sloppy, needy, and slow. He leaned against the railing outside your door while you pressed into him and wrapped your arms around his shoulders passively, body feeling heavy. He giggled into the kiss, and you felt his smile against your lips, as he pulled away slightly and murmured something. 

“What?” you asked, voice barely a whisper, and he flushed more deeply, kissing you again. You pulled back again. “Baby, what did you say?” you asked again, becoming worried.

He giggled again, looking down. “I love you?” he said quietly, his tone raising at the end of the statement, almost making it sound like a question. But his face fell immediately as you stared at him blankly. “Sorry, I’m drunk, I shouldn’t–”

“I love you too,” you blurted out, eyes brimming with moisture as you kissed him again, more softly this time. You felt like your body was melting into his as he held you there, lips pressed to yours, hands dangerously low on your hips. You kissed him again, again, and again, then pulled him into a tight hug, burying your face in his chest as he kissed your head. 

You jumped as the door flung wide open and Taeyang screamed, “Oh my god, ” and made a gagging noise as he came out to join you. You separated slightly, giggling uncontrollably. He scowled at you both. “Y’all look like a coupla high schoolers. Give me one of those,” he said, holding his hand out, and you handed him a cigarette and a lighter. 

Taeyang was somehow both friendlier and sassier with the alcohol in his system, and proceeded to very casually talk with both of you in a way that he hadn’t done before. He asked you about how you’d been feeling since your injury and you were happy to report that you were finally feeling mostly like your old self again; you then used that opportunity to bitch about your shitty boss. He and Jongseob talked about finals and everything school-related. 

The conversation flowed from smalltalk to deeper topics, and soon the three of you were multiple cigarettes in, drunkenly rambling about ethical, political, and social issues. As Taeyang was on a particularly fiery rant, the door opened and out walked Intak and Lily, who jolted slightly at Theo’s volume.

“Hey guys, we’re taking off,” Intak said, bowing his head slightly and smiling at the three of you. He and Lily hugged you one by one and headed down the stairs. You glanced at your phone and realized that it was late . 

The three of you went back inside and Jiung was laying on the living room floor, eyes closed. Taeyang pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Goddammit Jiung, don’t make me carry you out of here.”

“Keeho and Shota went to go have sex or something. Everyone else abandoned me,” Jiung said, eyes still closed, his voice completely deadpan. The three of you felt bad but couldn’t help laughing as Taeyang helped him up and headed out the door to catch their ride. 

You shut the front door behind them and hopped on the couch next to Jongseob. The house was a disaster, but that would be a problem for tomorrow. You leaned on his shoulder; it had been a while since your last drink but you were still pleasantly buzzed, your throat mildly sore from the cigarettes.

Jongseob took your hand in both of his and cleared his throat. “Hey, y/n, I’m sorry about earlier, if what I said was… if it was too much. I was drunk, and not really thinking.”

Your heart sank, and you turned to face him, face crestfallen. “Wait. Did you mean it, though?”

He glanced away and nodded, looking ashamed. “Of course I did. No doubt about it. But, I just don’t want you to feel obligated to say it back,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck and avoiding eye contact with you.

You guided his face towards you gently, forcing him to look into your eyes, his own eyes looking vulnerable and nervous.

 “I love you, Seob, so much. And I would never say that if I didn’t mean it. Do you understand?”

He smiled wide and nodded, leaning into your hand on his cheek as you brushed your thumb against his face affectionately. 

“Okay,” he said quietly, and you pulled him in for a gentle kiss, feeling more excited for your future than you’d ever been before.

[leiascully]

X-Files OctoberFicFest 2024 Masterpost

All of these are available on AO3. Please note I'm using AO3's rating system - E is "explicit", not "everyone".

Teso Dos Bichos (G)

Hell Money (T)

José Chung's "From Outer Space" (T, tw: canon sexual consent issues)

L'shana tova (G)

Avatar (T)

Quagmire (G)

Wetwired (T, tw: guns)

the alchemy (M, tw: infertility mention)

Talitha Cumi (T)

Aurora (T)

Herrenvolk (G)

Home (M, tw: canon child death/murder)

A Very Merry Birthday (E)

Teliko (T, tw: canon-typical discussions of death/autopsies/bodies)

Unruhe (T)

The Field Where I Died (M, tw: canon abuse/murder/child death)

Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man (T, tw: canon-typical gun violence)

Sanguinarium (M)

Paper Hearts (M, tw: canon gun violence/child harm)

Tunguska (T)

Terma (T)

El Mundo Gira (T)

Make Me (E)

Decompress (M)

Insomnia (T)

Grand Slam (E, tw: pregnancy)

Fever Dream (M)

Have It Your Way (M, tw menstruation mention, canon-typical gore)

Pink Pilates Princess (T)

Light Refreshments (E)

Caller ID (E)

Bonus: Indulge Me (E) Double bonus: Don't Rub Me The Wrong Way (E)

[blurredcolour]

You Oughta Know

Summary: Your blossoming relationship with Bradley Bradshaw had been utterly unexpected and as your feelings for him deepen, you feel an increasing pressure to share something that might change his mind about a future with you.

Pairing: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x Female Reader with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS)

Warnings: Fluff, Angst, Discussion of Endocrine Disorders and Possible Infertility, Discussion of Medical Procedures, Reader Likes Trader Joe's White Queso Dip - Rating T.

Author’s Note: I’ve lived with PCOS the majority of my life. I recognize that it is significantly understudied as it does not affect men directly and that the experience of this disorder is very different for every individual. Therefore, I’ve based this off my experiences specifically.

Word Count: 1807

Bradley Bradshaw had not been what you were looking for. You had, in fact, been looking for a jar of white queso. Had made a special trip to Trader Joe’s to get the only kind that would have satisfied your craving, only to watch the last jar disappear into the basket of a broad-shouldered, six-foot tall brunette male in a green flight suit. You had made an involuntary noise of dismay and drawn the attention of his caramel-coloured eyes, finding it suddenly very difficult to fully inflate your lungs.

A comedy of manners had ensued, each of you insisting the other take the jar, until you stated that he simply had to have it as he had gotten there first before hitting him with a ‘thank you for your service’ and fleeing the aisle. He had been unspeakably handsome and overwhelming. You had been quite pleased with your continued ability to form coherent sentences throughout the encounter. Rewarding yourself with a box of frozen treats, you had unwrapped one to eat on the way back to your car.

The universe had rewarded you with a flat tire. Being the independent woman that you are, you had been in the process of trying to loosen the first lug nut, with both a tire iron and some very colourful language, when a familiar figure had appeared at the back of your vehicle. It had been both annoying and arousing how easily he removed your flat before securing the spare, all the while asking just the right questions to get to know you without coming off as alarming. You had ended up sharing the jar of queso and a bag of taco chips in the backseat of his bronco – winding up with the dip and the guy.

Three actual dates in and it was going shockingly well. Spectacularly, even, if the lingering goodnight kiss pressed against your front door at the end of your last date was any indication. The more time you spent with him, the more you found you had in common with one another. It only made you want to know him better. Not to mention his very presence left you somewhat breathless.

So, as you walked hand-in-hand along the Broken Hill Trail in Torrey Pines State Natural Reserve just outside San Diego after work one Friday, you could not help but notice the way his eyes would follow little family groups that crossed your path. The way his lips would twitch into a smile at a particularly cute baby or precocious child insisting on taking the rough hewn stairs on their own. His smile was always infectious, usually planting an echoing expression on your face, but this evening was different.

While you in no way had been deceitful, the sour twist in the pit of your stomach felt exactly as though you had been lying to him in some way. You had known since the age of thirteen, when the specialist had diagnosed you with polycystic ovarian syndrome, that children would maybe not be in the cards for you. At that age it had felt like a free pass. You were put on birth control to ensure regular menstruation, and basically told that unintended pregnancy would not be an issue for you.

As you had made your way through your twenties, however, your perspective had changed. Watching the lengths that some women with your endocrine disorder went through to conceive, you felt a responsibility to share the reality of your reproductive situation with partners you felt serious about. And yes, it was probably too early, but there was something about Bradley that set a fire beneath your sternum, one that you could not ignore. You felt as though you owed it to him, especially with the portions of his story that he had shared with you so far.

“Do you want kids, Bradley?” You blurted out, nearly missing a step as his head whipped around to face you, his aviator sunglasses barely clinging to his face through the force of his motion.

Somehow he had found time after work to change into a pair of jeans that hung on his body just right and a Hawaiian shirt that would have looked ridiculous on someone else but somehow suited him just right, with a white tank top underneath. While the hike you two had chosen was by no means arduous, the heat of the day was lingering as the sun sank lower in the sky, covering his tan skin in an attractive sheen of sweat. You chose not to dwell on what you probably looked like right now.

“I…I mean yeah I guess…” he huffed out a nervous laugh, and you sank your teeth into your lower lip, feeling somewhat guilty at your ambush as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously with his free hand. “Yes.” He tacked on with more confidence, squeezing your interlaced fingers.

“Mmm.” You hummed thoughtfully in reply as it felt as though your heart dropped through the ground beneath your feet, losing your nerve as he confirmed your suspicions.

The pair of you reached the top of the incline you had been ascending, stepping out onto one of the scenic outlooks along the hiking route. Bradley allowed you to silently lead him to the fence at the edge of the cliff, leaving footprints in the sand that collected atop the rock. You could feel his gaze burning into the side of your head, the intensity of it growing the longer you remained silent.

“Just mmm?” He prodded quietly, interrupting the sound of the waves lapping at the beach below and your internal musings about possibly throwing yourself off the cliff to avoid this altogether.

“I…I just…” You tried, but the words were clinging stubbornly to your tongue. “…shit…” You hissed at yourself under your breath before pressing your lips together in a thin line. It had never been this difficult before.

You felt his hands grip the front of your hips before, in a blur of movement, he lifted and turned your body to perch you on the top fence rail. Facing him now, you were nearly at his eye level and had nowhere to hide.

“What’s going on?” He asked gently, his hold on you simultaneously supporting you and caging you in.

The contrast between his gentle tone and the strength of his body was thrilling. Was one of many reasons why your heart was now rabbiting in your throat.

“It might be really hard for me to have kids…” You blurted out, watching his reaction with bated breath. As the icy grip of fear seized you, you realized now why it had been so hard to say. You had never cared about someone’s reaction quite so much.

“Gonna be fun trying, though.” He flashed a devastating, lopsided grin before slotting his mouth against yours.

His plush, warm lips easily coaxed yours open to allow his tongue to lick into your mouth. You quickly reached out to grasp his biceps, fingers curling into the colourful fabric of his shirt as his slick, wet muscle slid along yours, almost erasing every coherent thought inside your head.

“No, it won’t…” You sighed sadly against his lips as he eventually pulled back, fighting through the dizzying aftereffects of his kiss to explain as he clearly did not understand the extent of it. “I can’t even bleed without medical intervention, Bradley…copious amounts of sex aren’t going to cut it.” You pulled back to look at him properly. “Endless appointments. Injections. A never-ending cycle of hope and disappointment. IVF. Massive amounts of money. Years, maybe. Might not even be possible…It’s just. It’s something you oughta know. You’re a busy man with an important career. When there are women out there who get pregnant with twins just from looking at them, don’t want you to waste your time.”

As you spoke, you could feel his grip on your hips tightening, see the muscles in his jaw and neck tensing, but those damned sunglasses hid his eyes from view. Swallowing nervously, you turned your head to the side, focusing on the long light of sunset playing on the waves below. Bradley’s face suddenly flooded your field of vision as he leaned in to catch your eyes with his, his aviators now hanging from the collar of his white undershirt. You hadn’t even noticed his one hand leave your hip. You blinked rapidly, trying to pull your eyes into focus on the much-closer target.

“Did you just call yourself a waste of time?” He asked, quirking an eyebrow before pecking your lips. “Because that’s wholly untrue…” He planted another kiss, the coarse hair of his moustache tickling your upper lip, drawing an involuntary giggle from you and sigh of relief from him. He straightened and gently lifted the sunglasses from your nose with his free hand, settling them atop your head while still holding you steady on the fence with the other. “Do you want children?” He asked with a tilt of his head, eyes never leaving yours.

You took a deep breath, considering your answer, before exhaling slowly.

“Honestly, I’ve…never really allowed myself to really think about it? It feels about as easy as going to the moon so…”

“JFK said we should go to the moon because it was difficult, and we made it.” He reassured you gently, brushing the backs of his fingers down your cheek.

You opened your mouth to reply. Perhaps to correct the quote as ‘not because it was easy but because it was hard,’ or perhaps to remind him that it took four percent of the federal budget to achieve, but the words had congealed into a lump in your throat that you couldn’t dislodge, no matter how hard you swallowed. You slid your arms around his neck and arched up, pulling his lips back onto yours, replying with a deep kiss instead; your tongue seeking his as your fingers twined into the hair at the nape of his neck.

“’Sides…” He rasped when you eventually allowed him a chance to breathe, thumb swiping at a tear that had stolen down your cheek unbeknownst to you. “Never met anyone who likes white queso as much as me…Who else am I gonna eat it with?” He teased and nipped your lower lip.

A breath shuddered past your lips as your heart swelled in your chest, suddenly feeling too full for the confines of your ribcage.

“Rooster?” You licked your lips, delighting in his sharp intake of breath at your first use of his call sign. “You want come over for a drink?” You gnawed on your lower lip again, this time in eager anticipation.

The man had never moved so fast, rumbling a hasty ‘yes’ before helping you down from the fence rail and eagerly leading you back toward the parking lot.

[atimeofyourlife]

No blood in the water

written for @steddiemicrofic prompt: pool wc: 442 | rated: t | cw: mentions of menstruation, implied gender dysphoria | tags: trans Steve, coming out

Steve watched from the edge as Robin, Eddie, and the kids made the most of the pool. They were playing, shouting, and just generally having a good time. After everything, and over two years of avoiding it, he was taking every chance to make happy memories in his pool again. Even if it meant dealing with seven rowdy kids on almost every nice day of the summer. 

He had been slowly building up to getting back in the pool, from the pool chairs, to the edge of the pool with his feet in the water, to getting into the pool, to finally being able to spend time swimming again. But this time, no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t force himself into the pool, only sitting on the edge. He hadn’t even changed into swimming trunks, instead choosing a pair of shorts and a t-shirt.

It was one of those days he hated his body, where everything felt like a betrayal. He couldn’t go shirtless, because it felt like the scars under his pecs were too obvious about what they really were. Swimming trunks were also a bit of a no-go, because they would cling and show off everything that he didn’t have. They weren’t even an option, because he needed to wear briefs for somewhere to stick a fucking pad. Because his period had made a surprise appearance that morning, and he was out of tampons.

He was incredibly anxious about anyone finding out. Robin was the only one he’d willingly told, in a bathroom floor conversation a week after Starcourt. Dustin had found out by accident when he overheard Steve awkwardly having to ask Claudia if she had any pads or tampons he could use when he’d started unexpectedly during a dinner with them. Everyone else had no clue, and he wanted to keep it that way, terrified of what would happen if anyone else found out. Especially Eddie, who he’d flirted with, and made out with a few times, but never going further than light touches.

He managed to avoid the pestering of everyone to get in, but Mike’s words cut deep.

“You’re acting like Nancy when she’s on her period.”

Steve gave a thin excuse to go inside, feeling like he’d had a bucket of water thrown over him.

“Stevie?” Eddie followed him in. “Don’t listen to Mike, he’s being an asshole.”

“But what if it’s true?” Steve burst out. “What if I am on my period? What if I’m transsexual?”

“That’s why you’re not swimming?” Eddie kissed Steve’s neck. “I’d say you’re still the prettiest boy I know. Just something new I know about you.”

[allzelemonz]

DC Comics Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Includes characters from different DC universes such as Arrowverse, Gotham, and Batman 2022

Generic DC/Unspecified Multiverse

Clark Kent

Developing Powers

Pronouns: he/him, Reader referred to as ‘boy’ and ‘man’ Physical Sex: AMAB Rating: M/Mentions of sexual situations, nudity Warnings: Characters are the same age, high school aged characters, awkward teenagers, pillow fights, farm boys being farm boys, showers, cold showers, accidental peeping Tom, mentions of masturbationSummary: Clark’s developing powers complicate things when his best friend stays over the weekend.

Slade Wilson

A Test

Pronouns: None Mentioned, Reader referred to as ‘boy’ Physical Sex: AMAB Rating: E/Smut, violence Warnings: Unhealthy relationship, power dynamics, mentor/protege, Reader is referred to as younger, forced masturbation, hand job, anal fingering, left unsatisfied, voyeurism, first time anal penetration Summary: During the usual sparring session of your training Slade gives an unexpected order.

Tie

Pronouns: he/him, Reader referred to as ‘boy’, ‘man’, and ‘handsome’ Physical Sex: AFAB implied Rating: G/Fluff Warnings: Mentor/protege, Reader is referred to as younger, Slade says trans rights, trans reader, ftm reader, suits and ties, transition process, tying ties, fluff, Slade being nice for once, undercover mission Summary: Slade teaches you to knot your tie.

Breaking Point

Pronouns: None Mentioned Physical Sex: AMAB Rating: E/Smut Warnings: dubious consent, mentor/protege, Reader is referred to as younger, sparing, violence, groping, clothed older man and naked younger man, power imbalance, anal fingering, anal sex, rough sex, sex toys, prostate massager, somnophilia, fucked so hard you pass out, forehead kisses, cuddling Summary: Showing weakness during training has consequences.

Out

Pronouns: he/him Physical Sex: AFAB Rating: T/Language Warnings: Mentor & protege, Reader is referred to as younger, Slade says trans rights, trans reader, ftm reader, transition process, fluff, Slade being nice for once, Ish is a hormone dealer but only for Slade’s kids and apprentices, themes around menstruation are not specific or graphic, background relationship: Ish/Joey Summary: You ran out of hormones, annoyingly causing your cycle to start up again, but you’re stuck on a mission with Slade.

Arrowverse

Eobard Thawne

Fog: Eobard Thawne X Gender Neutral Reader

(To be reviewed to standard)

Off Work: Eobard Thawne X Gender Neutral Reader

Prompt: Request, fluff with cuddles Pronouns: None Mentioned Physical Sex: None Mentioned Rating: G/Fluff, tooth rot Warnings: Eobard is a workaholic, Flash obsession Summary: The days when Eobard actually sleeps are perfect, just like this one.

Eobard Thawne X Gender Neutral Reader

(To be reviewed to standard)

Henry King Sr

Henry King Sr X Gender Neutral Reader

(To be reviewed to standard)

John Constantine

Headcannons: John Constantine With A Legend Boyfriend

(To be reviewed to standard)

Jordan Mahkent

Hotel Air Conditioning: Jordan Mahkent (Icicle) X Male Reader

(To be reviewed to standard)

My Cousin Is A Little Intense: Jordan Mahkent (Icicle) X Male Reader

(To be reviewed to standard)

Lex Luthor

CW Lex Luthor X Male Reader

(To be reviewed to standard)

Batman (2022)

Edward Nashton

Need

Pronouns: None mentioned; Reader called ‘boyfriend’ Physical Sex: AMAB Rating: E/Smut Warnings: Edward being needy, mentions of Riddler stuff, light somnophilia with pre-established consent, multiple orgasms for the Reader, oral sex, riding, rough sex, not proof read, very little dialogue, top Reader, bottom Edward Summary: Edward often wakes you up when he’s feeling particularly needy. The trick is figuring exactly how he wants it. So long as he’s dizzy by the end, all is as it should be.

Gotham

Edward Nygma

NSFW Alphabet: Edward Nygma

(To be reviewed to standard)

Dark Side: Edward Nygma X Male Reader

Prompt: Request, bottom reader with ‘Riddler mode’ Ed Pronouns: None Mentioned Physical Sex: AMAB Rating: E/Smut Warnings: Edward Nygma’s darker side, rough sex, soft Ed at the end, he’s arguing with himself, counter sex Summary: When you come home Ed’s apartment is a mess and you find your boyfriend a bit out of sorts. It’s nothing you can’t handle.

Jervis Tetch

Gaslight Hatter: Jervis Tetch X Gender Neutral Reader

Prompt: 12 Days of AU, Historic Pronouns: None Mentioned *Reader is a cop and the first female cop in America would have just joined the force around this time so there’s no room for pronoun plot holes, use what you want Physical Sex: None Mentioned Rating: T/Violence Warnings: Mentions of murder/serial murder, based on the comic not the movie, reader is a cop but a cool one I guess, Reader referred to as an Alice by Hatter, I hope you’ve read the book Summary: 1890s Gotham is facing a new threat after the demise of Jack the Ripper. A madman dressed as the beloved Hatter from a popular storybook who has a pension for playing dress up with the young adults of the city. As an officer working under Inspector Gordon, it’s your job to protect the people.

Oswald Cobblepot

‘Hit If Off’: Oswald Cobblepot X Male Reader

(To be reviewed to standard)

Just A Gig: Oswald Cobblepot X NSG Reader

(To be reviewed to standard)

Headcannons: Oswald Cobblepot When His Significant Other Is Kidnapped

(To be reviewed to standard)

NSFW Alphabet: Oswald Cobblepot

(To be reviewed to standard)

Relax, Boss: Oswald Cobblepot X Male Reader

(To be reviewed to standard)

Or Else: Oswald Cobblepot X Male Reader

(To be reviewed to standard)

Unbeknownst: Oswald Cobblepot X FTM Reader

(To be reviewed to standard)

Not Your Tie: Oswald Cobblepot X Male Reader

Prompt: Tropesgiving Day 6: Clothing Swap Pronouns: He/Him, reader called ‘boyfriend’ Physical Sex: None Mentioned Rating: M/Mature Themes Warnings: Oswald stays in the closet to get votes, mentions of sex, Ed knows everything and doesn’t hate Oswald, Oswald isn’t in this very much Summary: After a long night of celebration you arrive at the mayor’s office wearing Oswald’s tie. Luckily for you, Edward is a good friend.

[steddiemicrofic]

Steddie Microfic July 24th-31st Masterlist

Another Update by @atimeofyourlife | Rated G | cw: mention of canonical character death (Barb)

popsicle by @hotluncheddie | Rated T | no cw | tags: chubby steve, horny eddie

No blood in the water by @atimeofyourlife | Rated T | cw: mentions of menstruation, implied gender dysphoria | tags: trans Steve, coming out

Cute when you win by @pizzaqueen | Rated G | no cw | tags: established relationship

No more kiddie pool by @zombiethingy | Rated G | cw: mentions of lover's lake and panic/fear related to it | tags: steddie dads

Beach Boys by @acasualcrossfade | Rated T | cw: suggestive making out

My Dereliction by @pluckedstrings | Rated M | cw: suicidal thoughts

[abitohoney]

Missing Scenes - A Collection of Jinx, Silco, & Sevika One-Shots

Part 4 - The Moon Blood

Pt1, Pt2, Pt3, Pt4, Pt5, Pt6

AO3 Link

Rating: Teen, mostly SFW (note my blog is not for minors)

Tags: Sevika, Silco, Jinx, Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Good Parent Silco, Found Family, Father-Daughter Relationship, Humor, Jinx Needs a Hug, Silco Needs a Hug, Sevika Deserves a Raise, Young Jinx

Word count: 1k

Summary: A collection of one-shots set during the time-skip, mostly centered around Jinx growing up as Silco's adopted daughter. Many will likely involve Sevika, whether she likes it or not. Lots of awkward, funny, and good family feels.

Chapters will not necessarily be in chronological order, nor do they require that any other chapter be read for clarity.

AN: This has been posted on AO3 for quite some time. I'm just now getting around to posting it here.

TW: Very mild mentions of blood

Jinx stood in the middle of Silco’s office, staring awkwardly at her feet as she shuffled them in place. Sevika sat sprawled out on the couch, looking rather perturbed as usual. Silco sat in his high back chair patiently waiting for Jinx to explain something to him.

“What’s the problem, Jinx?” Silco gently prodded.

“I-I’m…” Jinx stammered, trying to speak quietly, “I’m bleeding.”

Silco’s brows furrowed. “Where?” he asked, his gaze slowly wandering up and down Jinx’s small form, but there were no signs of a wound, or blood for that matter. “Do you need help mending it?”

“No, I uhm…” Jinx continued to struggle, glancing over her shoulder at Sevika who seemed more interested in her mechanical arm than anything that Jinx had to say. “It’s… between my legs,” she sputtered.

Sevika’s eyes suddenly widened and her attention turned to Silco. He wore a look of absolute confusion and was eyeing Jinx’s pants again for any sign of blood. Sevika quickly stood and made her way to Silco’s side. She bent down, bringing her mouth close to his ear to whisper something out of Jinx’s range. Shear panic spread across Silco’s face as he slowly turned his head to gaze up at Sevika.

“What? What do-” Now Silco was struggling to form words.

Sevika turned to Jinx, who looked just as horrified as Silco. Shaking her head in disgust, Sevika stood up and attempted an explanation to clear the air, “Just to make sure everyone understands what’s going on here, Jinx is menstruating. This is completely normal for girls to start at this age.” Jinx’s cheeks flushed in embarrassment, her gaze on the floor. Realizing her boss was completely clueless as to how to handle this, Sevika released a heavy sigh. “I can give her some of my product to hold her over for now, but you’ll need to get her more for the future,” she said, addressing the still floundering Silco. There wasn’t much that left the Eye of Zaun speechless and without a plan, but apparently female reproductive health was one of those few. Seeing as Sevika was not going to get any form of response from him, she nodded her head towards the door for Jinx to follow.

Reluctantly, Jinx trailed behind Sevika, dragging her feet as she went. Once they were gone, Silco sat back in his chair and carded a hand through his hair which had somehow ended up looking just as ruffled as he felt.

“This shit is not what I signed up for,” Sevika snarled to herself, but plenty loud enough for Jinx to hear. She glanced back at Jinx who was staring at her feet as she followed, cheeks still pink from a mix of embarrassment and now probably anger for having to bring Sevika into the ordeal. “Didn’t you learn about any of this from your sister?” Sevika snarled. Jinx only scowled, offering no reply.

The two of them ducked into a small bathroom, closing the door behind them. Jinx fidgeted with the end of one of her braids while Sevika rummaged through something on one of the counters.

“Here,” Sevika snapped, shoving several small cylinder-shaped packages in front of Jinx’s face.

Jinx took them and gave them a once over before looking up to Sevika for more information.

“Take one out of the wrapper and shove it between your legs,” Sevika sneered, her lips curling in a smirk. She was clearly amused with Jinx’s discomfort.

Jinx’s eyes widened for just a moment. “Will… Will it stop?” she asked, just above a whisper.

“Bleeding?” Sevika questioned. She chuckled mockingly. “Yes, in about a week.” Jinx’s face relaxed somewhat in relief, but it was short-lived as Sevika continued to explain. “Then it will happen all over again in a few weeks, usually happens once a month, and will continue to long into your adult years.”

Jinx looked utterly defeated, uncharacteristic of her usual confidence and sass around Sevika.

“I need to go explain some of this shit to Silco,” Sevika explained, “Put one of those in now, replace it when it’s too dirty.” Jinx said nothing, staring blankly at the new items in her hands as Sevika left her to her thoughts.

When Sevika entered Silco’s office again he appeared to still be rather flustered, face contorted as he took a long drag from a nearly finished cigar. He glanced up from whatever he was staring at on his desk, probably nothing, catching Sevika’s irritated gaze.

“You need to get her more of these,” Sevika stated flatly as she slapped one of the same products she’d given Jinx onto his desk. “It’s called a tampon,” she explained, “She’s going to need to use several of these every month. This one came from top-side, and I recommend you avoid any of the shit down here unless you want her to catch crabs or some other nasty shit.”

Silco’s brows raised incredulously as he stared at the offending item.

“Trust me, just get them from top-side,” Sevika insisted.

“Is this not something you can buy for her?” Silco questioned, taking one last drag from his cigar before placing it in his ashtray.

Sevika had to know he was going to ask, but she didn’t look any less perturbed. “Is that an order?”

“Yes,” he replied with some confidence back in his tone.

“Yes Sir,” Sevika muttered.

Silco rested his head in his hands before waving a dismissive hand for Sevika to leave. As he heard the click of the door latch, he raised his head to find the tampon had been left on his desk. Hesitantly, he picked it up, spinning it in his hand as he examined it. Slowly, he peeled back the paper covering, revealing the contents. Realizing what exactly it was meant to do, where it was meant to go, and what it meant was happening to his daughter, he immediately threw it into the trash can beside his desk. He took the still burning stub of his cigar and tossed into the trash, watching with a blank stare as the contents slowly began to smolder and burn.

Next Chapter >

[aftgficrec]

Tampons. Just I know it’s weird but I felt like I just read one that had tampons as focus in the fic and I’m Pretty sure it was on ao3 but it may have been tumblr but it wasn’t too long and it had Neil in it and that’s All I Remember and I need help finding it!! So if any of you have heard of it I would love if you could point me in the direction!!!!! Also I love having an additional place to find help in the fandom fics!!:D

Turns out there is a niche for this brand of hurt/comfort. Here you go, anon, thanks for being a friend of the blog. -  A

Tumblr fic by @leahlisabeth [Rated: Tumblr; Complete 2017]

“Tampons? You want me to buy tampons?” he practically shouted, earning himself a dirty look from the pimply faced teenager behind the counter.  “No, I can handle it. I know, it’s hot outside. Yeah, love you too,” Matt hung up and slipped his phone into his pocket and sighed.  He caught sight of Neil and his face lit up.

(tw: period pain, tw: menstruation)

Tumblr fic by @apprenticedmagician [Rated: Tumblr; Complete 2017]

Neil quirked an eyebrow at the haphazard mound of feminine hygiene products. “You know that’s bound to get you odd looks, right?”

(tw: period pain, tw: menstruation)

Neil and Andrew buying tampons by @autumnalpalmetto [Rated: Tumblr; Complete 2018]

As they checked out the teen cashier asked if the tampons were for his girlfriend

“Oh no…. for my sisters” Neil replied

“Sisters, like more than one?” Asked the teen

“Three” Neil said

( tw: period mention tw: menstruation)

Maybe He’s Not All Bad by Autumnalhogwarts [Rated T; 2300 Words; Complete 2019]

When Katelyn wakes up in the middle of the night feeling rough, there’s only one other person awake to take care of her.

Twinyards Appreciation Week 2019, Day 5 - Andrew with Aaron’s people

(tw: period mention, tw: period pain, tw: menstruation)

This is a/b/o and features omega!Neil with his period getting comforted by alpha!Andrew. Neil uses a sanitary pad, not a tampon. - A

Chapter 36: Soothing the Ache (omegaverse!Andreil) All for the Game Prompt Fills (drabbles+oneshots) by Marmeladeskies, noorasdandekar [Rated T, Collection, 2019]

this is an omegaverse!AU oneshot with omega!Neil on his period. There’s blood and period pain mentioned, so be warned ;)

(tw: male menstruation, tw: blood tw: period pain)

[redheadedpineapple]

Haikyuu bois with a s/o suffering on their period

Haikyuu bois with a menstruating s/o in pains ): Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji, Tendou Satori, Miya Atsumu fluff, slight mentions of blood / vomit, reader has a menstrual cycle GN!R

──────〔Bokuto Koutarou〕──────

ok this poor man is so concerned

he knows about periods and stuff right

but you keel over out of nowhere with your arms wrapped round your stomach

HE PANICS SM get this man a paper bag

rushes to your side and spitfires a hundred questions

you can’t help but smile at his energetic way of trying to help before grimacing again because PAIN

he’ll ask what he can do to help and does exactly as you say (and more)

picks you up to lie you down on the couch with a blanket, water, and a wastebin

goes to a local drug store and picks up some painkillers, a heat wrap, and extra menstrual hygiene products for you

sees the candy at the checkout area and has the brilliant idea of getting your favourite fast food/takeout for you along with your favourite candies (:

when he gets home with everything, you smile so widely

“Okay! It’s cuddle central now!” 

Bokuto will bring you onto his lap and cuddle you so close, making sure not to hold you too tightly. When he sees you having bad spikes of pain, he’ll pull you just a bit closer and kiss you and tell you that he loves you in a million different ways to try and distract you from the pain. 

He’s probably put on your favourite show or movies so you can watch together, and he’ll put his chin on your shoulder to snuggle you better. When you lean back onto him and let your head roll back against his shoulder, he’ll rub your tummy and soothe you. 

The first few times, he’s a bit clumsy, but he gets the hang of it to help you get through the week.

──────〔Akaashi Keiji〕──────  

he knows how to take care of you

everyone has to learn somehow anyway

it’s just that he learned through vast research and reading online forums from the very first day he met you

so when you’re finally comfortable enough with him and your relationship to let him be around you while you’re on your period, he already knows what to do

he’s prepared a bunch of your favourite foods and candies

stocked up on products of all sizes and forms in his apartment

when you come over, he’s made a blanket fort for you two and will give you all the love and attention you crave

makes sure you know he’s not annoyed with you

he’ll moderate your binge eating cravings for your own health, but as long as you’re healthy, he complies with nearly every wish of yours

if you’re vomiting and in complete misery, he holds your hair back if he needs to and will rub your back

doesn’t care about the mess, just makes sure you’re feeling nice n clean n comfy

“Kaashi,” you murmur, yawning. “‘Vrything hurts.” 

“I know, darling. C’mere.” He pats his lap, and you barely manage to crawl to him.

You push your face into the crook of his neck and wrap your legs around his waist. He’s got a heating pad between the two of you, and you purr at the warmth. He brushes through your hair, still damp from the shower, and softly hums. As you drift to sleep in his arms (his nice, nice arms), he keeps his lips against the top of your head and fingers sifting through your hair. 

You’ll wake up in the same position---he won’t move from that spot even if it kills him---all warm and comfy. When you’re reluctant to get up, he’ll carry you to the restroom so you can do your business. 

When you’re menstruating, you go from a monarch to a deity, and Akaashi Keiji will treat you as such.

──────〔Tendou Satori〕──────

laughs at you for a good half hour at first

you whine at him to shush 

he won’t

not until the particularly bad cramps start

that’s when you’re clutching your stomach and can’t move, and that’s when tendou gets mega confused and concerned

at first, he thinks it’s something unrelated

then he realises 

“ah fuck.”

he’ll furrow his eyebrows and try to figure out how to help

when you start barking demands at him, he complies with a smile

he’ll tease you here and there

“oh, pwoor baby needs their snackies”

but he’ll still get you them (and some for himself) regardless

will cuddle you if you wanna

you two will lounge around watching random, poorly rated netflix movies and making fun of them

even while you’re throwing up or in real bad pain, he makes you laugh

“Sto-o-op!” you whine, stuck between gut splitting pain and laughter. 

He goes on and on, exaggerating both his words and hand movements, and you can’t stop laughing. 

“I’m gonna die! Satori,” you draw out his name, a plea for mercy. He pokes your shoulder and giggles at you and pauses for a moment. You think you’re safe for a moment. 

“Hi gonna die, I’m dad.”

“You suck! I can literally feel blood gushing out and squelching, please.”

He just laughs at you as you smack him, scolding his dumb comedy. Being on your period with Tendou Satori means giggles all day long and also just. Pain.

──────〔Miya Atsumu〕──────

this man thinks he’s so smooth and knows everything

he prepares the heating pad and the treats and the food

he does not prepare for the absolute hell it really is

you’re on your knees in front of the toilet

he’s so confused, like doesn’t it just make you moody or whatever?

he carefully kneels next to you and rubs your back and asks if you’re okay

“NO MIYA ATSUMU, THERE IS BLOOD GUSHING OUT OF MY GROIN AND VOMIT GUSHING OUT MY---” 

he panics and tries to figure out how to help

if he asks, he probably won’t get much more than 

“i’d like my body to be restructured thanks”

when you’re feeling well enough to get away from the toilet, he’ll treat you so well

will binge random youtube series with you and joke about it

when you’re laughing really hard and it starts hurting, he’ll make sure to not giggle at you (even though he really wants to) and hold you close n make it all ok

You’re groaning into his chest and he’s coddling you, mumbling for you to remember to breathe and that he loves you and that it’ll be over soon and he’ll take you to your favourite restaurant or park or anything you’d like.

As you’re regaining your composure (and will to live), you smile at Atsumu and thank him. He’s stuck between a mix of cockiness (of course, he’s the best boyfriend) and confusion (but isn’t that the minimum he could possibly do? He wants to do everything and a half he can for you, but he’s lost as to what else he can do).

Miya Atsumu tries his best and will comfort you so much. The days after are pure bliss, finally feeling better and up for activities with him. 

[morbidanthem]

((A/N: Sometimes Inspiration Strikes, I hope I can keep the inspiration going...))

Growth and Evolution (Pregnancy Headcanon)

-> A03 Here <-

Continuity - Pokémon Sword and Shield

Character(s) - Piers (Pokémon) | Fem!Reader Parring - Piers/Fem!Reader Genre - Cute, Fluffy Rating - T for Teen and Up Warning - Mentions of Menstruation 

Word Count - 892

[Piers]  | [Raihan]  | [Leon]

✏️Written 06/27/2021✏️

Piers

You cursed rather loudly, as you unceremoniously fell back onto your mattress, causing your pet Nickit to yelp at you.

You had accidentally startled him right out of his slumber, practically launching the poor thing into the air with your actions.

"Sorry, Nickit." You whispered, throwing your arm across your face.

You had just come into the bedroom to lie down and try to think, as you had placed your Test on top of the kitchen counter.

You only did it on a whim, as it had only been a week after you missed your first period.

Still, the paranoia set it quickly, and you had to confirm it for yourself.

'Was this really ok?'

You heard Nickit make some kind of ruckus, as you heard him push his way out of your bedroom, and out into the open space of your living room.

You heard some more rustling, but chose to ignore it.

Nickit has always done whatever he wants, and for now, his shenanigans were the least of your worries...

However, hearing that familiar clank of the metal trash bin falling onto the floor roused you out of your foggy fatigue.

You sighed, shouting as you stood up.

"Nickit! I swear to the Almighty-"

You paused as your heart jumped up into your throat.

There, right in the middle of Nikit's "treasure" pile, was your…

Your positive test.

He mewled at you, while turning back to his pile to rearrange it to his liking.

This was bad, and it can go one of three ways...

A, hope you're quicker than him, and grab him and your test before he runs with it.

You were never quicker than him.

B, distract him with his favorite treats and grab it while he isn't looking.

Oh… you forgot to buy treats at the store earlier…

Ok, Option C, get on your hands and knees and beg him to return it to you.

That worked sometimes… but only if Nickit was feeling kind and benevolent.

"Nickit, my beloved widdle bubby!" You cooed, getting onto the carpet to crawl towards him slowly.

He looked at you with curiosity, but didn't indicate he wanted to run.

"My Bubby Bubby! C'mere! Come get some pets!" You spoke, trying to encourage him to come to you.

You watched his eyes shift from you to his pile.

Oh no.

He knows.

"Nickit, no!"

But it was too late.

In the blink of an eye he had managed to grab your test in his teeth, and bolted out the little pet door you accidentally left unlocked.

You cursed loudly, throwing on your pair of beat up old Trainers and your faded black hoodie as quickly as you could, darting after the thieving Pokémon.

You were in such a rush, you didn't even bother to check if the front door was latched properly.

"Nickit, come back!"

You shouted, darting after the fleeing Pokemon.

You cursed again, as it was hard to keep up with him, as he darted and dashed around every corner imaginable.

You were getting winded, being barely able to keep up with him.

He thought it was a fun game, having his person chase him down the dank streets of Spikemuth.

He would let you catch up to him, only to dash in another direction before you could grab him.

He even managed to throw you off a few times- going through a dead end alleyway and jumping over a chain link fence, forcing you to curse and to try and find a way around.

'Why? Why didn't I get a Meowth instead?!'

You eventually caught up to him, as he had slowed down for some reason while entering a clearing.

Without thinking, you maneuvered yourself to jump forward, scooping up the mischievous Pokémon into your arms.

Unfortunately, you were so caught up in catching Nickit, you had no idea what was in front of him.

You were sliding legs first into the most immovable object in Galar

You caught it last second fortunately, and lifted Nickit into the air, so he wouldn't get hurt by the impact.

You felt it though, as you hit legs first into an Obstagoon.

You winced as you balled your legs up, still holding Nickit into the air.

But it got worse, as who else in the entirety of Spikemuth has an Obstagoon?

"Y'alright? That's one way to make an entrance-" Piers began, as he stepped around his Obstagoon to look at you lying on the ground.

Time froze as Nickit turned to face Piers with the Positive Test still hanging out of his mouth.

Piers' eyes grew wide with shock, and you just went to bury your face into Nickit's fur.

"L-Listen, I'm sorry you had to find out like this-" you tried to stutter out, afraid Piers would be disappointed or angry with you.

You both never really talked about this sort of thing...

You heard Piers curse, as he took both your arms into his hands, and lifted you onto your feet with ease.

Nickit had wiggled his way out of your grip, landing gracefully on the ground.

"This is incredible!" He shouted, pulling you into a rather tight hug.

He was strong for such a skinny guy.

You just laughed and hugged him back with just as much ferocity, as all your anxiety had melted away into nothing.

[megahwn]

Smitten

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x female reader

Genre: arranged marriage!au, strangers to lovers

Word Count: 16,902

Rating: 18+

Warnings: alcohol mentions/consumption; menstruation mention; description of a panic attack; explicit language; biting/marking; fondling over clothes; a sort-of handjob; a single piercing; vaginal fingering; finger sucking; unprotected vaginal intercourse; almost simultaneous orgasms; creampie

Summary: You live in a world where loving another is criminal. Partners are chosen by your elders to produce the best offspring and to help the economy thrive. Living in this world, you feel broken. You feel broken because you have accidentally fallen for your new husband, Jeon Jungkook.

A/N: Part of BTS Writers’ Corner’s Amor Fabula Project. Thank u to @joopiterjoon @kitsutaes @spicykoreantatertots @staerrylights​ for beta-reading parts of this fic for me, I appreciate you all!

The elders are relatively mysterious to you. You don’t know how many of them there are, what they do with their time, what they look like. All you really know about them is how powerful they are. They are the entity that decides which people will marry in order to produce the healthiest offspring and to keep the economy strong. Most people accept their pairing and then live their lives married to someone they don’t know. Others, however few there may be, reject their pairing and go out looking for true love on their own.

~~~

You and Jungkook tumble through the door of your new apartment, exhausted from the day’s events but giddy from the wine. Today had gone much more smoothly than you had anticipated it would. The kiss at the altar was far from awkward, your families seemed to get along well, and your conversation with Jungkook at your sweetheart table left nothing to be desired (thank you, white zinfandel). It was almost as if your wedding was based on something more than genetics and finances. Almost.

In all honesty, you want nothing more in this moment than to get out of this obnoxious outfit, get into some sweats and keep binging This Is Us. While today went as ideally as it could have, it won't hurt to get lost in the Pearsons' love story for a few hours instead of having to face your non-love story as soon as you arrive home from your own wedding.

It won't hurt. Not one bit.

You are already out of one shoe and hobbling down the hallway to your shared bedroom when you realize that it is, in fact, a shared bedroom, and you can't just throw all your clothes everywhere on your quest to get naked and comfortable. Your eyes immediately begin darting around the almost-familiar space for a spot to use to go through your nightly routine without Jungkook seeing... well, any of it. As capable as you are of being outgoing when the situation demands it, you are, by nature, a pretty shy person, and you don’t yet feel ready to let someone else be aware of your bedtime habits. Even if that someone is your new husband.

While you’re in the middle of scouring the room for a suitable place to hide, you hear the distinct sound of someone’s throat clearing a few feet behind you. You whip around with wide eyes, not realizing you had stopped in the doorway and blocked the only route into the bedroom. You take in the sight now before you and your eyes, if possible, grow even wider.

Jungkook looks good. His cheeks are still a little rosy from the alcohol, and his hair is swept off his forehead and parted on one side. His tie is loosened and the top few buttons of his dress shirt are undone. He managed to shed his suit jacket somewhere between the front door and the bedroom, and his shirt sleeves are now rolled up his forearms. There is an obvious vein running from his hand up his arm and under his sleeve. He is fiddling with the wedding band on his other hand. While he does look good, he also looks nervous.

Damn him.

Before you even have the chance to begin lusting after Jungkook, even for a moment, anxious thoughts begin flooding your brain in powerful waves. Why does he look nervous? Did you do something to upset him in the time it took to get from the apartment threshold to this spot? You probably did and now he hates you and you’re going to have to share an apartment and a bed with someone who can’t stand you and you’re going to –

“Is something wrong?” Jungkook asks. “Is it the Iron Man poster? The Cooky plushie? I can get rid of them if you want. Man, I knew I shouldn’t have brought them here with me. God, this is embarrassing.” You notice he sounds slightly panicked.

Wait, what? You manage to get out of your own head for a second to focus on what Jungkook is saying. He’s embarrassed. Why is he embarrassed?

You turn back around to look into the bedroom once more, and your eyes immediately find the poster and the plushie he mentioned. Instead of saying anything, you walk towards the bed as well as you can in your dress, and you pick up the plushie from Jungkook’s side of the mattress. You look at it closely and then you rotate once more to look at Jungkook, who looks positively terrified. You consider teasing him, but decide against it almost immediately, as you think it might actually kill him.

You choose to walk back over to the doorway instead, holding the plushie as you move. Jungkook looks like he wants to back away, but he seems rooted to the spot. You take a breath and hope that what you’re about to say doesn’t ruin the day you’ve had with him and make everything (even more) awkward between you.

“Do you have any of the others or just Cooky?”

Jungkook’s eyes go as wide as you felt yours did earlier. You immediately think you’ve said the wrong thing, but then he smiles, showing off his bunny-like teeth.

“You know about the others?” he says shyly, referring to the rest of the popular plushie brand. He is still turning his wedding ring around on his finger, but not as intensely as he had been before. You take that as a good sign.

“Yeah, of course I do,” you respond without missing a beat. A smile creeps up onto your face as well. “I actually have Koya packed away in one of these boxes somewhere.” You gesture to the boxes you have yet to unpack, laying in the living room unopened and sort of sad-looking compared to all of the stuff Jungkook has already placed around the apartment.

Jungkook’s smile grows at your words. He lets go of his wedding ring and flexes his hands at his sides in excitement. You try not to stare as he steps closer to you, bouncing on the balls of his feet. He looks like he’s trying to hold back how happy he really is to have learned this information about you. You barely register his emotions, though, as you’re now intently focused on his proximity to you. He smells mild, like soap. It’s nice.

“Do you really have Koya?” Jungkook practically whispers at you. You hold back a giggle and respond with a soft, “Yes. I wouldn’t lie about something like that.” The truth is that you wouldn’t lie about anything, but you figure now isn’t really the time to be sharing such things. Now is the time for talking about plushies.

Jungkook seems to debate with himself for a moment, and you wait patiently for him to come to a decision, whatever it is. You take the moment to look at his face more closely while he’s looking away from you. His skin is beautiful, milky. His eyebrows fit his face nicely, with just the right amount of arch to them. His eyes are a deep brown, and he has a small scar underneath his left one. You have the urge to reach out and touch it, but you hold yourself back by holding tighter to the Cooky plushie in your hands. You don’t want to interrupt his thought process. Or worse, freak him out and end whatever moment you might be having.

You don’t get the chance to study the bottom half of his face because he begins speaking again, although he does so without making eye contact. He seems to be looking at your lips instead when he says, “Can I see him?”

You take a moment to recall what you had been talking about, and upon remembering you light up and respond with a nod. You begin walking into the living room before you remember that you are still in your wedding dress and it’s beginning to get uncomfortable. You stop moving and tilt your head back with a sigh before saying, “Can I actually get this dress off first? It’s starting to dig into my ribs.”

Jungkook looks like he doesn’t understand why you just asked him for permission to change your clothes. He responds with a confused-sounding “Yes?” and steps out of the way so you can make your way back to the bedroom once more. You make it inside, toss Cooky onto the bed, and begin rummaging through your dresser drawers before finding a suitable t-shirt and the most comfortable pair of sweatpants you own. You then head straight for the bathroom when you see Jungkook looking through his own dresser, presumably to do the same.

You make it into the bathroom, close the door behind you, and let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. You drop the clothes onto the floor next to you and turn to look at yourself in the mirror. Your makeup held up well throughout the day, and you realize you need to take it off. You search the countertop and the cabinet behind you for makeup remover but find none. You suppose it’s actually a good thing that Jungkook wants to see your Koya plushie after all, as it will motivate you to unpack the rest of your things. Maybe he’ll help you.

You push that thought aside as soon as you think it, and you kick off your remaining heel (how were you walking around with one shoe on for so long?). You flex your feet to get some feeling back in them, and then you begin to remove your dress.

Or, at least, you attempt to begin removing your dress.

The intricate ties in the back of the garment combined with the restricting bodice don’t allow you to move your arms very far behind you, and you soon realize that the dress is not going to come off without some help. You think about how the only person who can possibly assist you in this situation is just outside the door, but for some reason you are unwilling to remove that barrier and ask for his help.

You end up spending a good fifteen minutes in the bathroom alone, silently struggling to undo the knots you have managed to make behind you. It’s only when you hear an apprehensive knock on the door that you let out a little squeak, then clear your throat and respond, “Yeah?”

You hear Jungkook’s muffled voice behind the door. “Hey, I don’t want to rush you or anything, but I really have to pee.”

You would chuckle if you weren’t in such a predicament. You go over your options one more time before deciding that you really do need Jungkook’s help if you ever want to breathe properly again. You slowly turn toward the door and open it, revealing a concerned-looking Jungkook behind it. He is now wearing boxers and what is possibly the most form-fitting shirt you have ever seen another human wear in your entire life. You can see his biceps and his abs through the shirt, and his thick thighs are on full display. You remind yourself not to drool.

Jungkook breaks the silence by asking, “Aren’t you supposed to be changing?”

You sheepishly nod and then turn around to reveal the absolute mess you have made of your bodice ties. You hear a quiet chuckle behind you and then you feel hands at your back. They’re firm but gentle in their movements behind you. Jungkook is helping you get your bodice undone and you didn’t even have to ask him. Your heart hurts a little. You ignore it.

“Thank you,” you breathe out, so quietly you’re sure Jungkook didn’t hear you say it. But then you hear him mumble out a “No big deal,” and you remember that this is an arrangement that the elders chose for you, and that you didn’t have a say in. Jungkook’s just being nice because he’s a good person, not because he cares about you. He doesn’t even know you. Your heart hurts a little louder this time.

Jungkook gets the bodice ties undone and you practically rip the thing off of you and take in a huge breath. You sigh out and reach for the zipper on the back of the dress without thinking, but it turns out you can’t undo that by yourself either. You let your hands fall awkwardly to your sides before letting out another sigh and saying, “So, um... I still need help.”

This time, Jungkook’s hands reach your back much more slowly than they did before. You wonder why. It’s only when the zipper is down your back and all the random buttons are undone that you realize why he’s being so hesitant – you’re basically half-naked in front of this guy and you’ve never done anything more intimate than kiss each other in front of a bunch of people one time a couple hours ago. You hold the dress to your front and turn around to face Jungkook and thank him for his help, but something stops you.

His eyes are screwed shut.

This time you actually do laugh out loud. It startles him and he opens his eyes. Cute.

“What were you doing?” you ask jovially. You’re pretty sure you already know the answer, but you want to make him squirm.

“Uh...” Jungkook starts. His eyes then wander down the front of your body and snap back up just as quickly, as if he suddenly remembered you could see him now. “I was, uh, keeping my eyes closed in case you... you know...”

“In case I what?” you tease, taking half a step closer to him. He doesn’t back away.

“In case you didn’t want me to see you... like that.” Jungkook’s cheeks had been getting lighter since you arrived home, but now the redness has returned, maybe even intensified. You decide to put him out of his misery.

“Thank you, I appreciate that. Even though we are married.” You’re not sure why you add that last part, seeing as you were just as nervous as Jungkook only moments ago. Maybe seeing him flustered makes you feel a little less alone, and a little more likely to joke around the way you would with someone you know well.

Jungkook opens his mouth like he wants to say something, but then closes it again. He settles on saying, “Right,” and then he backs out of the bathroom to let you finish changing.

You eventually emerge from the bathroom feeling better than you have all day, and you see Jungkook sitting patiently at the foot of the bed, legs crossed, waiting for you. You smile at him while gesturing to the bathroom behind you and saying, “All yours. I’ll be out there waiting for you.”

Jungkook’s face lights up at your words, like he had been thinking you might change your mind about unpacking with him. Impossible. He gets up from the bed and goes into the bathroom quickly.

You soon hear the telltale sounds of the toilet flushing and the faucet running, and then Jungkook is back in the living room, gingerly approaching you as if you were a wild animal or something fragile that he didn’t want to break. You both plop to the ground and you reach for the box nearest to you.

“You didn’t label them?” Jungkook asks incredulously. “How are you supposed to know what anything is?”

“I just kind of wing it,” you respond casually, to which Jungkook shrugs and says, “Okay, fair.”

Once you have the box in front of you, you open it and begin searching through it for your Koya. It turns out that Koya is not in the first box, or the second, or the third... or the fourth. By this point you’re getting distracted by all the things you’re unboxing and by telling Jungkook about all the things you’re unboxing.

He doesn’t seem to mind, though. On the contrary, he seems to be just as invested in your unpacking as you are. He does end up helping you place things around the apartment like you hoped he would.

It feels like something real partners would do.

You try not to dwell on it, but the thought persists as you start opening the fifth box. Your Koya sits right on top of the mess of odds and ends you packed from your old bedroom. You smile and remove it from the box, lifting it up just enough for Jungkook to see it properly. You turn to him to see his reaction, but don’t expect the one you get.

Jungkook is smiling again, his bunny teeth poking through his lips cutely, but his eyes are shining. Instead of letting the panic overtake you once more and make you think you’ve somehow offended him, you simply say, “Hey. What is it?”

Jungkook looks up from the plushie to your eyes, then dabs at his own with the backs of his hands before responding. You wait for him like you did before.

When he finally speaks, he says a little shakily, “I’m sorry, I just... didn’t really expect this.”

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t expect you to really have him. I kind of thought you were just being nice to me.”

You resist the urge to lean over and pull him into a tight hug. You settle for responding with, “I told you I wouldn’t lie.”

Jungkook is quick to shake his head and say, “I know, and I’m sorry. I should have believed you. It’s just... we don’t really know each other yet, you know?”

You stiffen a little at his words, but then force yourself to relax. Right. You had honestly forgotten about that. While you’re a little hurt, you suppose you have to allow him that skepticism. You would be skeptical, too, if the roles were reversed.

“It’s okay, I’m not upset. Are you okay?”

Jungkook pauses for a moment. He seems to like to think before he speaks, as if he wants to make sure he says the right thing the first time. You can relate.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” he says slowly. “I’m just... happy.”

You beam at him and give him your Koya to hold while you unpack the rest of the box. The others can wait until tomorrow.

You both eventually head to bed, completely drained from the wedding and your respective emotions. Jungkook is still holding Koya when he climbs under the covers, so you pick up his Cooky and hold it to you as well. That’s how you fall asleep – silently, each holding a piece of the other.

~~~

“Would it be weird if our friends met each other?”

You look up from your bowl of Corn Pops, surprised by Jungkook’s sudden question. Would it be weird? You’ve been married for over a month already, but other than at your wedding reception, you haven’t ever really interacted with any of Jungkook’s friends. Maybe, you think, it’s time to blur the lines between you a bit more by having both sets of friends congregate in one place again. The prospect alone excites you a bit, as it will not only give you the opportunity to get to know Jungkook’s people a little bit better, but hopefully Jungkook himself, as well.

Within the last month or so of your marriage, your initial intrigue with Jungkook has developed into a full-blown crush. You hadn’t expected to develop feelings for Jungkook, but he’s so damn perfect that you can’t help it.

Besides the fact that he looks like he was sculpted by the gods themselves, he’s just about the most selfless and considerate person you’ve ever met. He always asks if he can join you on the couch while you’re watching television. (The first time he did it, you had told him he didn’t need to ask because it’s his apartment, too. He still does it.) He also knows you get hot when you sleep, so he turns the overhead fan on in your bedroom, even though he gets cold at night. (When you had asked him why he had been wearing layers to bed, he had just blushed a light pink and said it was no big deal.)

It might be a big deal to you. 

You go for nonchalance when you say, “Um… I mean, I guess not. Since we’re going to be together for the foreseeable future, I suppose it would happen eventually anyway.” You’re already completely sold on the idea and would probably be sad if it didn’t happen, so you give yourself a mental high-five for not sounding desperate at any point during your response.

“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking, too, “Jungkook says, apparently unaware of the mental marathon you just subjected yourself to. “What if we had a game night?”

You perk up even more at Jungkook’s mention of games. You’ve always been able to bond with others over a good board game and a glass of wine or two. You suppose a game night would be a good way to get to know Jungkook’s friends, and to have him get to know yours.

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. I like it,” you reply with a grin.

Jungkook’s bunny teeth make an appearance as he smiles back at you. “Okay, let’s do it.”

That weekend, you receive six separate knocks at your door.

Yoongi, your best friend from college, arrives first, a gummy smile on his face and a bottle of sweet red in hand. You pull him into a hug before he can even cross the threshold, and he practically trips through your entryway when you pull him across it.

“Hey,” you choke out, not realizing how close to tears you are just from having Yoongi near after a while. As you hug your friend, you realize you haven’t seen him since your wedding, what with his hectic work schedule and your new living situation. It used to be easy to meet up whenever you wanted back in college, but these days you have to make plans to see each other. It makes you sad whenever you think about it. You suppose you’re also emotional because he’s been a constant in your life for several years now, and knowing he’s still here for you even though your life has changed so dramatically is a big comfort for you.

“Hey,” he repeats back to you, bringing one hand up to pat the back of your head gently as you rest it in the crook of his neck. He’s not one for much physical affection but he knows that you are, so he always accepts your hugs. It makes you appreciate him all the more.

“Okay, I’m good,” you say after a bit, finally letting Yoongi go, snatching the bottle from his hands and moving to put it on ice just so you have something to do. He doesn’t even protest, just lets you take it from him. He really is a great best friend.

“Um,” you call out from your place in the living room, “Jungkook, you remember Yoongi, right?”

You turn around in time to see Jungkook and Yoongi shaking hands and exchanging greetings. Seeing two of your worlds coming together so visibly makes you feel warm inside.

Next to make an appearance is Jungkook’s best man, Namjoon. He’s taller than Jungkook, and he’s wearing round glasses and a black turtleneck sweater. He bows his head politely upon seeing you, and then he gives Jungkook one of those man hugs that you don’t understand. When they part, Jungkook continues looking up at Namjoon with something akin to stars in his eyes. He must really admire the guy.

“Good to see you again,” Namjoon says just as politely as he had nodded at you earlier. You try to hold back a giggle at his formality. Maybe he’ll loosen up with some wine like he seemed to at your wedding.

“It’s good to see you again, too,” you reply similarly. One thing you know about Namjoon is that he tends to be polite when he’s nervous, so you mimic his greeting in an attempt to assuage any anxiety he might be experiencing. Based on the way he smiles at you, you think your efforts are successful.

You and Jungkook lead Namjoon to the living room, where Yoongi is already sitting comfortably with a full glass in hand. Namjoon sits down just as politely as he speaks, but before you have the chance to introduce the two, Yoongi suddenly asks him, “Do I know you from somewhere? I meant to ask you at the wedding but never got the chance.”

Namjoon pauses pouring himself a glass, seeming a little taken aback by Yoongi’s directness. Still, he says, “Um, I’m not sure. What do you do for work?”

Soon after Namjoon and Yoongi begin trying to figure out how they might know each other, your old neighbor Seokjin shows up with an entire roast chicken in hand, which you don’t remember asking him to bring but appreciate all the same. He gives you the best side hug he can with one arm full, and then you lead him to the kitchen so he can put the bird down.

“So,” he starts once you reach the kitchen, no tact in his voice whatsoever. “How are things going? Are they going? Are you two in love yet?" he asks outright, fluttering his eyelashes and drawing out the ‘o’ in ‘love’.

You hit his arm lightly while giving him your best expression of offense, and he seems to snap out of it. After sticking out his tongue at you, he begins looking around in your cabinets and drawers for the things he needs to serve the chicken.

He whips back around to face you, sharp knife in hand and unadulterated glee on his face, when you quietly say, “Nothing’s happened, but you already know I like him. I told you, like, last week.” You can feel your cheeks blazing at the admission you never thought you’d make out loud. Meanwhile, Seokjin has put the knife down on the counter (thankfully) and is now jumping up and down in place, flapping his hands, and making a noise similar to a squeal.

You want to hit him again, but you suppose he has a right to be excited for you. He sort of took you under his wing when you were neighbors, treating you to meals and babysitting your plants any time you were away. He’s also the only one who knows your deepest secret - that you want to fall in love and be loved in return.

It had just sort of slipped out one day, You both had had some wine and were talking about life when you suddenly confessed to wanting real, honest love rather than a lonely arranged partnership. You just couldn’t keep it to yourself anymore. Seokjin, in turn, had confessed that he liked spending time with you more than with his assigned wife. You both may have shed a few tears at your predicaments.

Instead of resorting to physical violence twice in the span of thirty seconds, you give Seokjin your best attempt at a withering stare. He stops jumping and puts his hands up in defeat, muttering out, “Fine, fine,” which appeases you greatly. Before you can leave the kitchen, however, he gives you a mischievous smile and tacks on, “Just so you know, though, I’m rooting for you two.”

You hit him again.

While Seokjin continues fiddling around in the kitchen and the other guys are mingling (it turns out that Yoongi and Namjoon both make music and know some of the same people), your favorite coworker Hoseok comes bounding through the door and almost knocks you over with the force of his hug. He’s still vibrating with energy when he lets go of you, and his soft, heart-shaped smile makes you feel more at ease than you have been so far tonight.

“I’ve missed you!” he practically shouts as he looks at you fondly, still holding onto your shoulders. “Work hasn’t been the same without you there.”

You know he’s referring to the sixty days that new couples are required to spend away from work ‘getting to know each other’ after first getting married, which is just a nice way to say you’re meant to spend that time making babies. While the thought of having children (and making children) with Jungkook is extremely appealing to you, that’s all it is right now. Just a thought. You’re not even sure Jungkook is totally comfortable sharing a bed with you yet.

“Just a few more weeks and I’ll be back!” you practically shout back at him. Hoseok’s energy has always been infectious to the point that you sometimes end up mirroring his seemingly limitless joy. It’s always made work much more bearable for you. Thinking about it and having Hoseok here in front of you now makes you realize how much you really do miss your job.

Just as Hoseok joins the others in the living room and begins picking chicken off of Seokjin’s plate, there is another knock at the door. Before you can move to answer it, however, Jungkook urges you to sit in the living room while he answers it instead. You wonder how Jungkook can possibly know that his best friend is behind the door, but sure enough, he opens it and there stands Taehyung. His entire outfit says ‘artist,’ from the beret sitting crookedly atop his head to the brown corduroy pants adorning his long legs. Jungkook gives Taehyung one of the most sincere hugs you’ve ever seen him give another person, and when they part they move toward each other once more to briefly touch foreheads. It’s a sweet gesture, one that you decide is fitting of someone like Jungkook.

Once the two men completely separate, Taehyung looks at you with shining eyes and immediately moves toward you for a hug. You’re surprised by the gesture, but you accept it anyway. Before he pulls away from you, Taehyung whispers into your ear, “Jungkook told me you like hugs, so I hope this is okay.”

Your eyes widen a bit at this information. Jungkook talks to his friends about the things you like? How did he even know that about you? Did you tell him and forget about it? Was he just able to figure that out about you by himself? Either way, you find yourself nodding at Taehyung as you two end your hug. He gives you a boxy smile in return, shoulders scrunched up to his ears. You decide then and there that you like Taehyung already.

The last to arrive is one of Jungkook’s childhood friends, Jimin. He looks a little frazzled, with wild eyes peeking out from behind his designer sunglasses and silvery-grey hair standing on end. (You soon realize his hair looks like that because he constantly runs his hands through it.) You try not to eavesdrop as Jimin greets Jungkook at the door, but you swear you hear Jimin say something about hoping Taehyung might not be here. Before you can wonder what he means, however, you hear Jungkook chuckle and respond with something that sounds like “It’s no big deal, you’ll be fine.”

Jungkook leads Jimin into the living room, where the rest of you are talking loudly amongst yourselves, various open bottles of wine and plates of roast chicken littering the coffee table. Taehyung looks up from his drink as the two enter the room, and he positively beams at Jimin. He pats the open space next to him on your big lounge chair, and after a moment of hesitation, Jimin smiles back and makes his way over to that spot. The two begin murmuring to each other, and finally your attention is pulled away from them when Jungkook plops down next to you on the couch and pats your knee gently. You bring your foot up under your other leg and rest your knee on Jungkook’s thigh. He keeps his hand on you.

It’s comforting to have him there, touching you. You didn’t realize it before this moment, but you were pretty nervous about having tonight go well. Having Jungkook next to you, wanting the same thing as you, makes you feel like you might not be alone in your other desires, either.

His touch comforts you to the point that you even miss the butterflies in your stomach.

Your curiosity about Jimin’s words gets the better of you, so you lean over and whisper to Jungkook, “What’s up with those two?” while gesturing across the room as subtly as you can.

Jungkook peers over at you with an unreadable face and whispers back, “I’ll tell you later.”

You don’t push him, and you move your questions to the back of your mind for after everyone leaves.

You pour yourself a glass of wine and sit back against the couch, careful to not give Jungkook a reason to take his hand off of you just yet. You turn to Seokjin and Hoseok, only to find that they’re in the middle of a heated debate about whether barbeque or garlic fried chicken is better. (How could you do this to me? And after all the meals I’ve cooked for you!” Seokjin cried when you had sided with Hoseok in the barbeque camp. You clinked glasses with Hoseok in solidarity while Seokjin continued to grumble without any real malice behind it.)

You then find yourself distracted by Yoongi and Namjoon animatedly discussing digital audio workstations, which you only know anything about because Yoongi used to have you sit in his room in college and listen to him excitedly talk about the newest software he had bought with the money he earned from delivering pizzas. You personally think that MixPad is better than FocusRite, but you like watching them talk it out themselves rather than offering your own two cents. From what you can tell, Namjoon seems to be really knowledgeable about the subject as a whole. You don’t think you’ve ever seen Yoongi look at another person so intensely.

Once you lose track of what Yoongi and Namjoon are saying, you turn your head once again to find that Jimin and Taehyung are happily cuddling in your big chair, giant smiles plastered on both of their faces.

“How did you two meet?” you ask, hoping that’s not too invasive of a question.

Taehyung tears his eyes away from Jimin long enough to look at you, still looking giddy. “We met through Jungkook, actually. They were friends when they were kids and I met Jungkook when we were teenagers, and when it turned out that Jimin and I were going to be in the same year at the same college, Jungkook basically forced us to get to know each other so we could all be friends.”

You barely have time to say, “Aw, that’s sweet,” before Taehyung is back to looking at Jimin again. You don’t blame him. You turn to Jungkook instead.

“That was really cool of you to do,” you say to him while giving him a little nudge. “Bringing them together like that.”

You can tell that Jungkook is trying not to smile into his glass as he takes a sip. His ears are red, though, giving away how pleased he is with your compliment. “Thanks,” he mumbles into his wine. He gives your leg a little squeeze, and you both turn back to your guests.

After a little while of drinking, catching up with your old friends, and getting to know your new ones (you were right, Namjoon did loosen up after having some wine), you break out the board games. Soon enough, though, you discover that the majority of the people you’re playing with are a bunch of cheaters.

You catch Taehyung shoving Clue cards up his sleeve on more than one occasion, Hoseok doesn’t include all of the epidemic cards in the deck during your game of Pandemic, Seokjin keeps adding extra trains to his part of the board during Ticket to Ride, Namjoon and Jimin don’t call each other out for giving incorrect clues during Taboo, and Yoongi quits right in the middle of Secret Hitler because he’s ‘tired of being a liberal every time.’ The only one playing the games honestly with you is Jungkook, and that makes you happier than you think it should.

You eventually threaten the whole room, wine-tipsy as they are, with permanent exile from your apartment if they cheat at the next game, to which you receive grumbles of agreement that they will play correctly from now on. With a satisfied smile, you begin handing out the cards. A few riveting rounds of Sushi Go later, everyone seems to have paired off.

Yoongi and Namjoon are back to talking about music, and have even exchanged numbers with the promise that they’ll meet up sometime to work on something together. Hoseok and Seokjin have engaged each other in a pun war of sorts, trying to one-up the other with their best jokes about chickens. Taehyung and Jimin are giggling quietly at each other, still sitting together in your big chair. Their legs are tangled up, and they haven’t taken their eyes off each other since the last game ended. It’s sweet.

While you are looking around happily at your friends, you feel the same hand on your knee that comforted you earlier. This time, though, with your nervousness having dissipated, you focus on his hand more than you did before. This time, you easily recognize the butterflies that always seem to accompany Jungkook’s touch on your skin. Just for today, you decide to bask in his warmth and allow the butterflies to flourish inside you.

Just for today.

~~~

It’s past midnight when everyone eventually leaves. You can feel the exhaustion in your bones, but you’re happier than you’ve been in a while. Everyone seemed to have a good time together, you were able to see some of your closest friends, and you were paired up with Jungkook for most of the games. Additionally, you were able to see Jungkook interact with his friends in a way that you had never seen before tonight. You feel like you’ve gotten to know him more just from witnessing him be with the people he cares about. It makes you want to have even more game nights.

You’re bringing dishes from the living room to the kitchen for Jungkook to wash when you remember you had wanted to ask him about his two friends. You place the few wine glasses you’re holding down gently on the countertop next to the sink, then you bring it up.

“Are you okay talking about Jimin and Taehyung?” you ask tentatively from behind Jungkook. “You seemed kind of concerned about them earlier.”

Jungkook stops washing the dish he’s holding and sighs audibly, letting his shoulders drop and his head fall back. “Yeah,” he says anyway, and waves you toward the sink so he can see you while he talks. You hop up onto the counter next to him and swing your legs out in front of you absentmindedly while he continues to clean the plate in front of him.

“So,” Jungkook starts, “Jimin is going to get his pairing from the elders soon.”

You hum to yourself in thought. Even though you had only really just met Jimin officially, you could tell that he and Taehyung had something between them. From the way they smiled shyly at each other on their shared seat to the way they played the games together throughout the evening, it was clear that there were feelings other than ones of friendship present there. How would Jimin’s pairing affect the dynamic between them?

“But he and Taehyung…” you voice your thoughts about the two out loud, but trail off.

Jungkook has a sort of grave look on his face. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him look like that. The corners of his mouth are downturned and his eyes have little life in them when he says, “Yeah, I know. Jimin is going to get his pairing but he doesn’t know if he’ll accept it or not. Because the thing is that Taehyung rejected his own pairing.”

Your eyes practically bulge out of your head at that, but you don’t say anything. You want Jungkook to keep talking. This is the most interesting story you’ve heard in weeks.

“Yeah, that’s what I did, too,” Jungkook says, referring to your wide eyes. “I’d never met anyone who had rejected their pairing before Taehyung did it. He seemed so sure about it, too. Then, get this, he told me the reason he rejected his pairing was because he’s in love with Jimin. So, naturally, I ask him if Jimin feels the same way, and he just goes, ‘I have no idea.’ No idea! He rebelled against the entire system and yet he had no idea how Jimin felt about him.”

Realization hits you in that moment, so you ask, “Was that why Jimin said he was hoping Taehyung wouldn’t be here tonight? Because he feels pressured to reject his pairing for Taehyung?”

Jungkook is nodding before you even finish your question. “Yeah, that’s why. It turned out that Jimin does also have feelings for Taehyung, but Jimin is way less fearless than Taehyung is. He doesn’t know what will happen if he rejects his pairing. He doesn’t want to lose his family or the life he has right now. That’s why he was nervous about Taehyung being here tonight, because he wants to make that decision on his own, and not with any outside influence. But at the same time, Taehyung already did all that, and Jimin doesn’t want it to be for nothing.”

You wait for Jungkook to finish his speech before making so much as a sound. It seems like he really needed to get this out, like it had been weighing on him heavily. He’s never really confided in you about… well, anything. You just know this is a step in the right direction. (You might not be sure what the direction is, exactly, but you still feel good about it.) 

What you want to say in response to Jungkook’s words is, “If they’re in love, there shouldn’t be a decision to make.” But you know it’s more complicated than that. You have no idea what it’s like for people who rebel against the elders’ decisions. While Taehyung seemed happy and carefree all throughout the evening, you don’t know anything about what his life is like when he leaves the safe space of your apartment. With that in mind, all you can bring yourself to say is, “That’s a big decision to make.”

Jungkook nods again, then goes back to washing the dish in his hands. You continue sitting on the counter, thinking. Though your own greatest dream is to be in love, you didn’t even reject your pairing to try to find it. You figure the two must be quite different, wishing for love and actually experiencing it. If love is strong enough to make people go against the elders, what else are people in love capable of doing?

You’re snapped out of your reverie when Jungkook calls your name.

“Huh?” you say distractedly.

Jungkook moves away from the sink and comes to stand in front of you, coming to a stop between your legs, still dangling from the counter. As soon as he stops moving, your heart stops beating from his proximity. He still smells like soap, the way he did when he helped you out of your wedding dress. You never knew the smell of soap could be so intoxicating. He’s so close, you can even see flecks of gold in his chocolate eyes that you’ve never noticed before, like pieces of treasure just waiting to be found.

You’re not sure why he’s so close to you, but you remind yourself to be logical. He’s just concerned about how quiet you’ve become. Or you have something on your face that he’s going to remove. Yeah, that’s it.

“Are you okay?” he asks, confirming your suspicions about his concern for you. You nod at him, smiling as he rests his hands on the counter beside your thighs. He’s so close to you, and you briefly hope that he can’t hear how wildly your heart is beating in your chest. You could kiss him right now without a problem. You’re barely able to focus on your conversation with him when the only things in your field of vision are his soft, wine-stained lips and the adorable mole underneath them.

Yeah. You definitely want to kiss him.

“You sure?” he presses. You nod again, worried about your ability to speak properly in this moment. You then yawn without warning.

“Yeah, I’m just tired,” you say, as if your yawn needed explaining.

“Okay,” he says through his own yawn. “Want to go to bed?”

There are a lot of things you want, most of which involve having Jungkook’s mouth on yours right this very second. Thoughts of the elders, marriage, pairings, love and rebellion still fly around in your head, but none of them outweigh your desire to kiss your husband.

Instead of voicing any of those thoughts, however, you just sigh and say, “Yeah. Yeah, let’s go to bed.”

~~~

Nothing could have prepared you for the onslaught of pain and discomfort you are currently experiencing. You are presently lying on the bathroom floor after heaving over the toilet for about the twelfth time. Your body is burning from the inside out with fever, your chills have you shivering uncontrollably, and to top it all off you’ve just started your period as well. So, in addition to the regular aches and pains that come with being sick, you have cramps that you know will only get worse, your mood is going to take a dive, and you’re more than likely going to ruin at least one pair of underwear this week. Fantastic.

You had gone to bed the night before already feeling under the weather, and you had just called out of work before you told Jungkook about it, in case he didn’t feel comfortable sharing a bed with a potentially sick person. You certainly hadn’t expected him to give up the entire bed for you so you could sleep comfortably. When you had protested, he had said he wanted you to be able to sleep for as long as you needed, and he didn’t want to accidentally wake you up while he was getting ready for work the next morning. He even took all his necessities out of the bedroom and said he could just get ready at the gym instead of using your ensuite bathroom. How thoughtful.

Now that you think about it, as you lean away from the toilet and try to breathe normally for longer than two minutes at a time, you missed getting to see Jungkook before he went to work today. While it is true that he always wakes you up when he’s getting ready, you’ve come to find that you might like that part of your day with him the most.

Each morning, you get to stay in bed and be sleepy while you watch Jungkook move deftly around your bedroom, trying to slick his hair back properly or button the buttons on his shirt cuffs. (You love when he wears dress shirts because you usually have to help him with those exact buttons. He always smiles at you fondly while you do it, appreciative of your willingness to assist him. You, in turn, think it’s sweet that he looks to you for help when he struggles, even though it is with something small like shirt buttons. It makes you smile back at him every time.)

Additionally, you always end up talking about what your respective days will look like at work or the new episode of Survivor you watched together the night before. You discuss what you want to have for dinner, talk about whether or not you’ll see any friends this weekend, or play a game of Would You Rather?

Last week you had a pretty intense debate about which fictional characters you thought would survive a zombie apocalypse. (While you went into it thinking the cast of The Walking Dead would stand the best chance, you ended up agreeing with Jungkook’s choice of the Archer cast in the end, seeing as the title character had literally died and been brought back to life over the course of one episode.)

Through these mornings spent together, you’ve been able to see each other at your groggiest and crankiest, and it feels so domestic. It feels natural.

You imagine a couple in love would do the same.

It’s a thought you’ve been having about a lot of seemingly mundane things lately - the way you and Jungkook share a blanket while you watch badly reviewed horror movies, the way he always gives you some of his dessert because he knows you have a serious sweet tooth, the way you both end up using each other’s shampoo when you run out of your own.

You used to try to shove the thoughts down to where even you couldn’t reach them, but recently your growing feelings for Jungkook have been making those same thoughts of happy couples bubble up to the surface of your consciousness. The thoughts make you happy, and if you’re honest, so does Jungkook. You’ve developed a kind of friendship with him that you cherish, even if it came about in an unorthodox way. While your marriage isn’t based on love like you think marriages should be, you still make a good pair.

After downing some DayQuil and ibuprofen, you miraculously make it to the living room somehow and you lay down gingerly on the couch. You decide to turn on some Jeopardy! reruns to distract yourself from your abundant pain. You text Jungkook to let him know how you feel and to ask him to bring home some more pain meds when he gets off of work tonight. You then snuggle deeper into your blanket burrito and try to rest your tired eyes while you listen to Alex Trebek calmly reading clues to his contestants. Full of medication and practically swathed in your blanket like a baby, you eventually fall asleep.

You wake up some time later to a throbbing headache and the sounds of Alex Trebek on your television replaced with the sounds of someone cooking in your kitchen. You check your phone to find that it is only 12:03pm and you immediately shoot up from your place on the couch, only to fall right back down when a new wave of nausea hits you. You choke it back enough to weakly say, “Hello?” and hope that there isn’t a murderer making something delicious in your kitchen before killing you.

You hear a noncommittal noise from over the back of the couch, and you open your eyes (when had you closed them?) to find Jungkook towering over you, chewing something thoughtfully. Before you can scold him for almost making you have a panic attack while you’re already sick, he walks around to your side of the couch and sits down carefully, then lifts a spoon from somewhere and brings it to your mouth, making you go cross-eyed to see it and asking you very seriously, “Does this taste okay?”

You can’t believe your ears. He didn’t even say hello, he just shoved a spoonful of something in your face and asked you to taste it. Why did he do that? Why does he look so... contemplative while he eats? Does he always have his brows knit together and his mouth turned into a serious-looking frown like that while he chews? Why haven’t you ever noticed before? You think you might vomit again.

Your disbelief and hesitance to try whatever is in that spoon must show on your face, because Jungkook removes the utensil from your personal space and follows his original question up with a much more timid, “Is everything okay?”

“I, uh...” you start. Is everything okay? There isn’t a murderer in your house after all, which is a huge plus, but it’s only noon and Jungkook is here instead of at work, and he’s cooking. What is he doing here? Did something happen at work? Did he get fired? Why can’t you ever turn off your brain? The thoughts of Jungkook’s employment status swim through your head and make you dizzier than you already are from the fever.

“What are you making? It smells really good,” you finish, voice hoarse. You haven’t spoken a single word yet today, partly because you’ve been sleeping and partly because the effort it takes for you to speak in your sickened state is simply too much for you to handle. You figure it’ll be worth it this one time, though, just to make Jungkook look less nervous. You don’t understand why he still looks so nervous around you sometimes.

A look of relief washes over Jungkook’s face and he visibly relaxes. He hops off the couch to go back into the kitchen and continue stirring the pot of whatever he’s making. It smells like... chicken noodle soup? You’re not quite sure, but it smells delicious. Your stomach growls without warning.

“I’m making you soup!” Jungkook says cheerily from his place at the stove. He doesn’t elaborate, so you use up most of the strength you have left to get off the couch and waddle gracelessly to the kitchen in your blanket burrito. You slowly take your place at the kitchen table and lay your head down on it to try to ease some of your lightheadedness.

“But –“ you stop to take in a breath and let your stomach settle. “But why are you here? Why aren’t you at work?”

Jungkook stops stirring the pot of soup (it’s definitely chicken noodle) and stands up a bit straighter. He has his back to you, and you can see a faint blush creeping up from under his collar. He puts his free hand behind him and scratches at his neck, a habit you’ve come to learn he turns to when he doesn’t know what to say. It’s cute. Your heart might flutter a little whenever he does it.

He mumbles something you can’t discern, so you say, “Huh? Sorry, I can’t hear well when I’m sick like this.”

Jungkook quickly turns around to face you, his cheeks and ears just as red as his neck. He’s looking anywhere but at you, and he’s fiddling with his wedding band.

“They said in sickness and in health, right? The vows, I mean. They said in sickness and in health, and you’re sick, so... I’m here.”

Your heart is definitely fluttering now, and you don’t try to stop it. Where did this come from? He’s been sweet to you since you first met him, but he’s never directly referenced your wedding vows before as a reason for his demeanor towards you. You didn’t think your vows meant that much to him.

Oh, wait.

Maybe they don’t.

The butterflies inside you die just as soon as they had come to life. You keep forgetting that this marriage only exists on paper. Jungkook may care about you, but not in the way you hope he does. He was forced into this just as much as you were. He must feel a sense of duty and obligation toward you because you’re married and because you’re friends now.

But still... he didn’t have to come home in the middle of the day. That was his choice. And why did he turn so red before he mentioned your vows? If this was about duty and obligation, you’re sure he would be able to keep his cool around you and not get so flustered.

You smile despite yourself, and you lift your head off the table just as Jungkook brings two steaming bowls of soup over and sits down next to you. Before you dig in, though, Jungkook suddenly perks up and moves to stand.

“Where are you going?” you ask as you take your first bite. You were right, it is chicken noodle soup, and it’s delicious. There are carrots and celery in it (just the way you like it), the noodles are cooked perfectly, and the chicken practically melts in your mouth. The soup tastes like your mom’s. When did you ever tell Jungkook about your mom’s recipe?

Jungkook doesn’t answer you, just walks out of sight toward the front door. You hear the crinkling sound of a plastic bag, and then he reappears at the table as fast as he had left.

“I didn’t know what meds you wanted, so I just got… a bunch of them,” he says, pouring an obscene amount of pill bottles onto the table. There are blue bottles, pink bottles, tiny bottles, bottles so wide you’re sure you couldn’t wrap your hand around them if you tried. You almost spit out your soup with a laugh, and a sheepish grin makes its way onto Jungkook’s face.

“Thank you,” you say sincerely. “Why are you getting these out all of a sudden?” You honestly can’t believe he bought you so many different kinds of pills. You must have not specified which pills you needed when you texted him earlier this morning. The fact that he didn’t want to disturb you to ask you which ones you wanted almost makes you cry with affection.

“Well, you were sleeping for a while, and I figured you woke up because the ones you took before wore off. Was I right?” Jungkook’s embarrassed smile has been replaced by a look that is much more self-assured. You can’t decide which look you like more on him.

You smile cheekily back at him and reply, “Yeah, you’re right.” You sift through the pill bottles until you find the right ones, you knock them back with your water (“You need fluids!” Jungkook practically yelled at you in concern when you complained that you wanted a soda instead), and you finish off your soup with vigor, not realizing how hungry you had actually been before eating.

Before you can move to get up and bring your bowl to the sink, Jungkook beats you to it, swiftly gathering your dishes together and carrying them over to the opposite side of the kitchen. His shirt sleeves are rolled up in the same way they were on your wedding night, and you can’t help but stare at the ever-present vein that runs up his arm. You think about how painfully shy he was when you first met, and how he still is sometimes. You also think about how he has slowly come out of his protective shell since you’ve been living together, even if he does still act skittish around you sometimes. From every angle, inside and out, Jungkook is beautiful.

“I could have done that,” you say, just to get your mind off of how much Jungkook has come to mean to you in the past months. You might even venture to say he’s become one of your best friends.

Jungkook turns around and leans against the countertop, brows knit together and mouth turned downward slightly. He’s thinking.

“You haven’t stood up in a little while,” he says finally. “Are you sure you could have?”

You immediately scoot your chair away from the table to prove it to him, only to realize that, no, you probably could not have brought your own dishes to the sink. You whine at your current state and Jungkook comes over to help you out of your chair and back to what, by now, is surely a germ-infested couch. However, instead of moving away from you as soon as you’re laying down again, Jungkook sits down right next to your feet, making himself at home on top of the part of your blanket that doesn’t cover you. His closeness electrifies you, even when you feel nothing but pain. You think he might be made of magic.

He reaches for the remote on the coffee table and says, as he turns on the television, “So we’re watching Jeopardy! reruns, right? Or do you want something different now?”

His tone is so gentle when he speaks to you, even more so than it usually is. You barely register what he says because you’re so focused on his lips when he speaks. You think that maybe this relationship is more than married people who are friends, more than duty and obligation. Maybe there is something else there after all.

You feel yourself blushing at the thought, but Jungkook doesn’t seem to notice. He’s too busy looking through the options on Netflix to perceive your inner turmoil for himself. You choose to simply watch him as he browses and finally makes a selection. You spend the next two hours immersed in the newest season of Big Mouth, but every now and then you steal a glance across the couch at Jungkook.

Most of the time, he’s looking back at you.

~~~

Six months into your marriage, you realize you are in a predicament.

You’ve tried to distract yourself with work, with friends, with anything, but it’s all been in vain. With some effort, you’ve finally come to the conclusion that nothing makes you happier than Jungkook.

Jungkook, who was so painfully shy and insecure on your wedding day that he almost cried when you showed him your Koya plushie.

Jungkook, who wanted your friends to get closer to his and organized a game night to make it happen.

Jungkook, who brought home an entire pharmacy and made your mom’s chicken noodle soup for you when you were sick.

Jungkook, who is perfect for you.

You are in a predicament, and your predicament is this: you have fallen, absolutely and irreversibly, in love with your husband.

And you know it’s only going to get worse.

You’re currently on your way back home from seeing a movie with Jungkook, running at full speed toward your apartment building to avoid being soaked by the rain that’s suddenly coming down in buckets. After slipping once or twice on the blacktop, you make it inside your building and head immediately for the elevator, excited to change out of your newly wet clothes and get in bed for the night.

You make it into the elevator and, with some effort, push the button for the seventh floor. You don’t realize how much you actually ran until you’ve stopped moving completely and are waiting for the elevator to arrive at your floor. You’re slightly hunched over and breathing heavily, and you look over to see that Jungkook is similarly affected by your sprint.

With a small chuckle, you stand up straight once more and quip, “For someone who goes to the gym so often, you sure look tired from that little run.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes at you but can’t hide his smile when he says, “One, that was a run with no warm-up! I always warm up first because I hate cardio. And two, you don’t look so g--”

His surely witty response is cut off by the elevator suddenly going dark and ceasing its upward movement. The unexpected stoppage causes you to lurch forward, crashing into Jungkook with a yelp and causing you both to tumble to the floor with a loud thud. You don’t even have time to freak out about basically laying on top of Jungkook on the floor of this elevator because you’re too busy freaking out about the possibility that the elevator itself will fall to the basement and kill you both.

You wait for a few moments, straining your ears to see if you can pick up any sound, any indication that the elevator is going to drop. When you hear nothing but silence, you turn your attention to the body underneath you, which is starting to squirm slightly. You quickly scramble off of Jungkook with a mumbled apology and get back to your feet, then begin to search your pockets for your phone so you can use its flashlight. Once you find your phone and turn on the flashlight, you begin looking around the elevator for the panel of buttons so you can hopefully get to your destination and leave your tiny prison.

While Jungkook is struggling to his feet with a groan, you find the panel and push the button for the seventh floor, but nothing happens. You try again. Nothing. You try the button to open the doors. Nothing. You try the button for the lobby. Nothing. You try all the remaining buttons, including the panic button. Nothing.

You’re trapped in the elevator.

Panic begins to overtake you as you realize what’s happening. Your breath starts coming in short, quick pants that you can’t control. Your entire body feels rigid, like you could break in half if someone so much as touched you. Your vision is blurry and unfocused; you might be seeing double. You’re unsure. It doesn’t help that your only light source is a phone flashlight. You can hear your heartbeat in your ears, the sound trying to claw its way out of you and into the small space the elevator provides. The same thought keeps cycling through your mind, leaving room for nothing else. I can’t get out.

Panic attacks used to be a daily occurrence for you years ago (for reasons you would rather not discuss), but these days you only have one every few months, which is a great improvement if you do say so yourself. You’ve learned how to avoid them when possible and, when you do have one, how to get through them.

This is one of those times when you need to get through it.

You know one of the only ways for you to overcome a panic attack is for you to talk it out with someone, but the only person in this space with you is Jungkook, and until now you have avoided letting him be aware of this part of you, since being vulnerable around him is still difficult for you. You don’t want him to think any less of you or to think you’re being dramatic. You’re not sure how you would cope if Jungkook thought those things about you, so you haven’t ever given him the chance.

You consider trying to ignore the anxiety bubbling inside you, but you know that will only make it worse for you and will likely send you into a full-on meltdown, which you desperately want to avoid having in front of your husband. With that in mind, you take in a shaky breath to try to calm your nerves a bit before you speak. Even so, you can’t help how small you sound when you say, “Um, hey, Jungkook?”

Jungkook, who is looking at the elevator buttons exasperatedly with his own flashlight, mutters out a “Hm?”

“Um, would you mind turning your flashlight off for a second?” you ask while turning your own off.

Jungkook is still looking at the buttons. “Huh? Why?” he says distractedly.

A tear slips from your eye and down your cheek as you turn away from him, crouching to the floor to hold yourself. Your hands feel slightly numb, and your brain is screaming a million different things at you. You understand none of them.

“Because, um, I don’t want you to see me, um, cry right now.”

Not even a full second goes by before the elevator is once again cloaked in darkness. While you’re thankful and relieved that he listened to you, you’re unable to stop the tiny sob that escapes your lips. You can hear Jungkook take in a breath as he opens his mouth to speak. You’re prepared for the worst when he says, “What do you need from me?”

You cover your mouth in an attempt to muffle your cries. You didn’t think it was possible for Jungkook to be any more perfect than you already thought he was. He’s good at proving you wrong about that.

Jungkook must hear your weeping anyway, though, because he continues, tentatively asking, “Wait, did I say the wrong thing?” He keeps speaking after that, seemingly more to himself than to you, saying, “Dammit, I really suck at this.”

You stop your quiet bawling long enough to emphatically say, “No! No, you didn’t say the wrong thing at all. You said exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you.”

“I did? I mean, okay, so what should I do?” Jungkook asks, still sounding unsure.

“This. Keep doing this. Talking to me, I mean. I need to get my mind off of what’s happening. Talk about anything, and get me to answer you,” you say through your tears. Your voice is already steadier when you speak, and the million thoughts in your brain seem to have silenced themselves. You feel clearer.

Jungkook makes a sound of realization at your words, then does exactly as you asked.

“What’s your favorite color?”

“Orange.”

“What time do you usually wake up in the morning?”

“Um, around 8:00.”

“Okay, uh… oh, since you can’t see, what are three things that you can feel right now?”

You’re taken aback for a moment, as that’s a question that people who know you well have asked you during panic attacks. After a beat of silence, you answer, “Um, I can feel my phone in my hand. I can feel my hair getting the back of my shirt wet. And I can feel you.”

“Cool. Wait, what?” Jungkook says, sounding confused. “What do you mean, me?”

For just a moment, you’re glad you’re in the dark, because you’re surely blushing right now. “I mean that I can feel your presence next to me, your warmth. Like, even when you’re not speaking, I can tell that you’re there. Does that make sense?”

You hear feet shuffling on the carpeted floor, and then Jungkook speaks. “I, uh… I think so, yeah. I can feel, um… I can feel you too,” he finishes, sounding more certain than he did when he started speaking. You wonder if he’s just saying that for your benefit, or if he really can feel you. You hope it’s the latter.

Still feeling shaky, you ask Jungkook, “Can you tell me a story? Any story, I don’t care. I just like listening to you talk.” You close your eyes, even though you can’t see Jungkook at the moment. You feel like you need an extra layer of protection from the confession you just made to him. If he picks up on the confession, though, he doesn’t mention it. You’re thankful.

“Oh, okay, um… do you want to hear the stolen underwear story or the drunk karaoke story?” He asks the question quickly, as if those are the two stories he whips out at parties without a problem.

Both of those options sound extremely ridiculous to you, but you find yourself smiling slightly when you answer, “The underwear one.”

You hear a small snicker in the darkness. That alone is somehow enough to help you feel a little less panicked. Then Jungkook starts speaking.

“So basically, I went to this summer camp when I was like thirteen, and I had to share a bunk with maybe six or seven other guys. The camp itself was great. It lasted most of the summer, and it’s how I met Taehyung. Anyway, somehow I had managed to lose about half of the underwear I had brought with me over the course of the summer, and I honestly thought it was just me being an idiot. So we got to the end of our time there and, since we all knew each other so well, we had like a roast session slash complain-about-your-campmates session.”

The story itself is pretty amusing, but what’s hilarious is how Jungkook is devolving into a fit of giggles while telling it. His voice is coming from somewhere at your level, telling you that he sat down at some point in the middle of his story. You’re glad that he came down to the floor to be near you, but you don’t say anything about it. You just listen as he continues, voice soothing your frazzled nerves.

“So I get up there and I’m like, ‘Yo, guys, whoever stole all my underwear better watch out,’ even though I thought I had just lost them myself. So after I go up there, Taehyung gets on the stage and he looks really apologetic. I’m wondering why, because he had told me what he was going to say before we got up there. So he gets up there, and he looks right at me, and he just goes, ‘Jungkook, I’m sorry for stealing your underwear.’”

Now it’s your turn to giggle. You never would have pegged Taehyung for an underwear thief. Just listening to Jungkook’s story and his laughter is calming you down further from your panic. Even though you may not be out of the woods yet, you appreciate Jungkook’s efforts to help you more than you can say.

Jungkook’s laughter dies down after a bit, and a comfortable silence falls over the tiny space you’re occupying. Soon enough, though, you hear the sound of a throat clearing, and then his voice asks, “How are you doing now?”

You sniff slightly before answering, “A little better. I really appreciate that you listened to me instead of just trying to fix the problem. Most people would have just tried to call maintenance first instead of helping me. So thank you.”

You hear the telltale sign of Jungkook scratching at the back of his neck. He doesn't know what to say. You're too panicked out to worry about whether you've made him uncomfortable, and even if you had the energy to wonder about it, you wouldn't need to do so for long anyway, because he does end up speaking.

"Um, you're welcome. But to be honest, I don't feel like I did much. This was all you."

At his statement, you find yourself groping through the dark to find him where he sits. You're not sure why he thinks he didn’t have a hand in you calming down, but you’re suddenly very determined to set him straight. It matters to you that he put in work to help you feel better, and he should know that.

Once you manage to touch his shoulder, he yelps in surprise and you chuckle. You feel your way down his arms until you reach his hands, warm despite the icy rain outside, and you squeeze them tightly.

"Please believe me when I say this," you state as assertively as you can. "The reason I can talk to you normally right now has nothing to do with me. I owe that to you. You were everything I needed to get through that. Thank you."

You can't believe you're being so up-front with Jungkook right now. Perhaps it's the adrenaline still coursing through your veins. Regardless of the reason, though, you find that you don't regret anything you've said to him in this elevator. If you had the option to take back your words about how to calm you down or about how you like listening to Jungkook speak, you wouldn’t. It all felt right.

“You’re welcome,” Jungkook says after a pause. “And thank you, too. You know, for… letting me help you. Thank you for trusting me.”

You let out a breath and squeeze his hands again. “Is it okay if I hug you?” you ask before you can stop yourself. While you would consider the two of you to be close at this point, you’ve never hugged each other before. Now feels like the opportune time for it to finally happen and for you to become closer physically, just as you did metaphorically through the words you shared while trapped here together.

Jungkook seems to give his answer the same amount of thought that you gave your question, because he immediately says, “Yes. Yes, definitely.” He sounds slightly breathless when he says it.

You let go of his hands and feel for his shoulders again. Once you find them, you pull Jungkook into a gentle hug, made only slightly awkward by your sitting positions. Your head rests in the crook of Jungkook’s neck, and you breathe out a sigh. His hands settle on the small of your back, thumbs moving up and down the material of your shirt reassuringly.

You can’t believe you’ve never hugged this man before now. You fit together perfectly, even when you’re both sitting. You wonder what it would be like to hug while standing, or to cuddle while laying down. You hope this is the first of many hugs with Jungkook.

Your thoughts are interrupted by Jungkook’s voice, quiet and calm in your ear. “Not to be an ass, but would this be an okay time to call maintenance?”

You huff out a laugh into his neck and mumble an agreement, then begin to disentangle yourself from him. 

You watch Jungkook as he looks up and calls the apartment complex’s maintenance number. You then slowly get back to your feet, turn your flashlight back on, and make your way back to the button panel. You press each button again, one by one. No luck. With a sigh, you turn back to Jungkook, who has just finished his call.

“What did they say?” you ask, sounding tired to your own ears. You feel tired, too.

Jungkook looks at you with a kind of grimace on his face. “The guy can come reset the breaker or whatever, but he’s already dealing with a flooded bathtub in another building, so he doesn’t think he’ll be able to come over here for a while.”

“Oh,” you say, “okay. What should we do?” You have to tell yourself that there is no use panicking a second time. Luckily, your rational side wins this battle with your emotions.

“Wait, you’re not upset?” Jungkook asks, sounding a bit disbelieving.

“Not really,” you reply. “I already kind of tired myself out. And besides, you’re here. So I’ll be okay.”

You swear you can see Jungkook blush.

~~~

“Never have I ever…” You chew on your lip as you try to think of something else that you have never done. “Oh! Never have I ever broken a bone.”

Jungkook lets out a chuckle and puts a finger down. He only has one out of five left up.

It’s been over two hours since you first entered the elevator. Over two hours since the thing stopped functioning properly, leaving you and Jungkook stuck together in its tiny space. Maintenance still hasn’t shown up to fix it, meaning that the two of you have had to find ways to occupy yourselves. You’ve turned your flashlights back on and settled your phones against the elevator walls for some visibility, and you’ve been playing games since then.

“Okay, my go,” Jungkook says, bouncing a little where he sits. He scrunches his face up in thought, looking to the ceiling. He’s so cute like this, you think. You want to reach out and hug him again, just to feel his strong arms around you. But you don’t. For right now, just looking at him is enough.

He suddenly looks down from the ceiling and right at you, a glint in his eyes. You wonder what he’s going to say that has him giving you that look. It’s like he wants to know all your secrets. After today, you’d be more than willing to give them to him.

“Never have I ever been in love.”

Just as your heart promptly begins to break at his words, you notice movement from the corner of your eye. You look to his hand and find that he put his last finger down.

Just as soon as you begin to register that, yes, Jungkook has indeed been in love with at least one person in his life, you hear a chuckle that sounds almost forlorn. You move your eyes back to Jungkook’s face to find that he’s practically grimacing, and you give him a questioning look.

“Just me, huh?” Jungkook asks quietly, sadly.

“What do you mean?” you breathe out.

“You didn’t put a finger down,” he says as he points in your general direction. You peer down at your hand and realize that he’s right. Without looking up to see how he’ll react, you put one of your fingers down. You hear a small gasp and you glance up, meeting Jungkook’s wide eyes.

“Not just you,” you say softly, a sad smile on your face.

Jungkook seems to perk up a little at your words, but you can tell that he’s nervous now. He’s fiddling with his wedding band like he always does when he’s nervous. What does he have to be nervous about?

“Wait,” you say when Jungkook doesn’t speak up. “Why did you say something that you have done?”

In the dim lighting of your dying phones, it looks like Jungkook is blushing again. He scratches the back of his neck and then, without looking directly at you, says, “I wanted to know if you had.”

You can’t quite believe what you’re hearing. Is he trying to say what you think he is? You search Jungkook’s face until he focuses back on you, somewhat wistfully.

“Why does it matter if I have?” You can’t help but let hope bloom inside you as you await his next words. 

Jungkook lets out a sigh, closes his eyes, opens them again. He regards you with a determined look, then he finally speaks.

“Because then there might be a chance that you love me back.”

There is absolutely a chance, you think to yourself. You want to scream it from the rooftops, but instead you remain still in stunned silence. This is everything you’ve ever wanted, finally coming true. You’ve never desired anything as much as you desire to be loved, and now it’s finally happening. You know you need to speak soon, or you’ll risk making Jungkook think that you do not return his affections. Oh, how wrong he would be.

But, how will you tell him?

You glance down at your lap and see that you are still holding a finger up, even though you’ve already won the game. It gives you an idea. You hold up your last remaining finger and briefly look at Jungkook, who appears as though he might pass out from your silence. You would usually be amused by his expression of nervousness, but right now you’re too nervous about what you’re going to do next.

“Never have I ever kissed Jeon Jungkook,” you say quietly, putting your finger down. Before Jungkook even has the time to react to your statement, you’re crawling forward to where he sits, taking his face gently in both of your hands, and slotting your lips together.

You feel Jungkook sigh into your mouth and wrap his hands around your waist, just as he did when he hugged you earlier. You’ve never experienced a kiss like this one. It electrifies your very being from the inside out, while also being soft, gentle, sweet. Jungkook’s lips are like velvet, and he tastes like the Skittles you shared in the movie theater earlier tonight.

Wanting to be closer to him, you move to straddle Jungkook where he sits, pressing your chests together and moving your hands around to the back of his head. He responds eagerly, tightening his hold around your back without ever removing his mouth from yours. You run your fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck and he shivers slightly, so you continue your ministrations as his hands begin to fall lower.

Just when you think Jungkook is going to grab at your ass, the elevator’s lights come on and the thing roars to life, beginning to ascend once more. You take your lips off of Jungkook’s and he follows you with a whine, not wanting to stop despite the current circumstances. You giggle and place one final peck to his already kiss-bitten lips before climbing off of him and standing up. You help Jungkook to his feet, grab both of your phones from the floor, and turn off their flashlights before turning towards the elevator door, feeling lighter than air.

As the elevator continues to move, you see Jungkook out of the corner of your eye and you stifle a laugh. He’s pouting. Feeling brave after his confession and your kiss, you turn to him with a coy smile and say, “You can keep kissing me, you know.”

Jungkook’s face morphs from sullen into elated in an instant, and just like that he’s crowding into your space to kiss you again. He puts his hands on the sides of your head this time, moving his thumbs gently across your cheeks as he slips his tongue into your mouth.

As the elevator finally comes to a halt on your floor and the door opens, Jungkook doesn’t let up, continuing to kiss you fervently. He simply moves backwards out of the elevator and takes you with him. You smile into the kiss, euphoric over the fact that he wants you so much that he can’t stop kissing you while you walk the few feet from the elevator to your own door.

You delicately push Jungkook away from you so you can see the door behind him, but he is undeterred. He moves so that he stands behind you instead, pressing kisses to the back of your head, the part of your jaw that he can reach, the top of your neck. Now it’s your turn to shiver, as he has found your weak spot. You love few things more than neck kisses.

It takes most of the strength you possess to not let your knees buckle while Jungkook’s mouth is on your neck, but you manage to get your key into the lock and open the door to your apartment. You’ve barely gotten past the threshold and kicked off your shoes when Jungkook spins you around and kisses you hungrily, as if he’ll die if he doesn’t. You think you might die yourself.

You begin to back up until you find yourself against the wall of your entryway, Jungkook pinning you to the spot with his kisses. You put your hands back into his hair and he lets out a quiet moan into your mouth, bringing his hands down and around you to squeeze your ass. You never thought a sound could be so sexy. You decide you want to hear it every day.

Jungkook lets his mouth wander back over your jaw and down your neck. He finds your pulse point with ease and begins to suck, making you moan out loud. Jungkook freezes for a moment, as if surprised by what you’ve done. You notice quickly and use your hand to push Jungkook’s head back into your neck, whispering out a breathless, “Please don’t stop.”

You can feel Jungkook smile into your neck and then he gets back to work, littering your neck and collarbone with tiny purple marks. You can also feel a hardness at your belly, straining against Jungkook’s pants. You snake one of your hands down his chest and hook a couple of fingers underneath his waistband. You can feel Jungkook’s stomach tense up at your actions, so you pause, lick your lips and throatily ask, “Is this okay?”

Jungkook takes his mouth off of you just long enough to say, “God, yes.”

You don’t hesitate to move your hand further into Jungkook’s pants, past his coarse hair and right around the base of his cock. He hisses at the contact, moving one of his hands off of your ass to the front of your joggers. He begins massaging your aching center through your clothes and you sigh, your legs widening of their own accord.

You continue to move your hand over Jungkook’s cock as best you can while he’s still dressed. You don’t expect either of you to get off like this, but it’s still hot knowing that you couldn’t even get to a bed before you had each other.

Speaking of a bed, though...

“Jungkook. Bed. Now,” you practically choke out.

At your plea, Jungkook backs away from you just to pick you up and wrap your legs around his waist, carrying you easily to your bedroom. Once there, he proceeds to climb onto the bed with you still in his hold and lean forward slowly, laying you down as if in reverence. Once you’re splayed out beneath him, he takes a moment to gaze at you from above. He must like what he sees, because he gives you one of his big, bunny-like smiles before he’s back to kissing you.

You soon become impatient, however, wanting to close the distance between you both and rid your bodies of their clothes. You tap Jungkook lightly on the shoulder, and he backs away from your face to look at you. You’ve never seen someone look so beautiful.

Jungkook’s hair is in complete disarray from you putting your hands through it, his eyes are absolutely blown out, and his lips are raw and red from your kissing. He’s panting heavily and gazing at you with a look that you can’t describe as anything other than adoration.

You forget how to talk for a moment, so you just pout and tug at the hem of his shirt. He gets the picture, sitting back on his heels and peeling the offending article off of himself. You watch him from between the pillows, eyes darkening as you take in his toned form. You decide that Jungkook really was sculpted by the gods.

Despite Jungkook having an intensely hot body, he puts his arms in front of his chest. He sounds extremely shy when he says, “You too?”

You nod happily and sit up on the bed, urging Jungkook to rid you of your shirt himself. Once he does, you can feel his eyes roaming across the expanse of skin that he has already covered in love bites, then downward to the rest of your newly exposed flesh. He licks his lips.

You don’t bother trying to get him to undo your bra for you. Wanting to avoid the hassle, you reach behind you and unclasp it with one hand, letting it fall from your shoulders. Jungkook drinks you in, from the birthmark on your left breast to your pierced right nipple. If his gaze were capable of getting darker, you think it just did.

“Can I see the rest of you?” Jungkook asks, only sounding a little less shy than he did a moment ago. He’s toying with the cuff of your joggers when he says it.

“Yes,” you say unhesitatingly, lifting your hips from the bed to begin taking your pants off. Jungkook helps you along, pulling at the legs until he has the garment bunched in his hands along with your lace underwear. He practically swoons at the sight of you laid bare on your bed. You thought you might be self-conscious under his stare, but you’re not. All you can feel is wanted.

“Your turn,” you say, toeing at Jungkook’s jeans. He kneels up to begin unbuttoning them, but you scoot forward and place your hand over his before he can.

“I want to do it,” you say, peering up at him with soft eyes. He gulps, then moves his hands to give you access. You take the button into your hands and pop it open, then slowly, tortuously pull down his zipper. You manage to accidentally torture yourself during the process, so you waste no time tugging the jeans down over Jungkook’s firm ass along with his boxer briefs, letting his cock free from its confines. You didn’t think it was possible for a cock to be beautiful before this moment, but you do now.

He’s longer than you expected him to be, and not exactly thick, but there is a prominent vein running up the underside of him, and it reminds you of the vein on his hand and arm. Your pussy flutters at the thought of him being inside you. You want him inside you right now.

Jungkook manages to rid himself of his jeans and underwear completely before he’s hovering back over you, looking like he can’t decide what to do next. The thought of him being overwhelmed by you turns you on immensely, and you pull him down into a bruising kiss. He reciprocates with something that you can’t describe as anything but pure zeal, as he immediately takes your tongue into his mouth and meets it with his own. The taste of him is intoxicating, fruity and dulcet, the only thing you want to taste for the rest of your life.

Jungkook comes down to the bed and lays next to you, tangling your legs together and letting his free hand wander over your body exploratively. He tentatively cups your breast in his hand and squeezes, then rubs at your pierced nipple until it becomes a stiff peak. He then continues downward, palming at your soft stomach and your fleshy hip, until he reaches your mound. He moves his hand through curls damp with arousal, making you sigh wantonly into his kiss and squeeze at his bicep. You want him to hurry, but he’s taking his time with you.

He begins to rut against you lightly as his hand dips down between your soaked folds. You’re positive he’s going so slowly on purpose, because he chuckles when you begin to whine and circle your hips to try to get him to speed up.

“You’re so impatient,” he teases lightly, dancing his fingers along your inner lips, so close to your entrance you can practically taste it.

“Uh huh,” you manage to get out. You’re hot, sweaty and trembling under his touch, and he’s barely done anything to you yet. You’d let him do anything he wanted.

Jungkook smiles down at you, then nuzzles your cheek with his nose before planting a chaste kiss there. “I’m sorry, babe. It’s just that I’ve… kind of dreamt about this, and I want it to be perfect. Like you.”

You turn to face him, tears suddenly pricking your eyes, and he’s gazing down at you, cheeks aflame and eyes swimming with affection. You think this might be the best moment of your life.

You swallow and whisper, “You can’t just say things like that and not expect me to cry.”

He nuzzles into you again, still smiling. “I love you so much,” he whispers back. Then he sinks two fingers into you.

The intrusion has you sighing loudly, closing your eyes, and arching your back from the bed, hands attempting to find purchase in the flannel sheets underneath you. You do your best not to squirm as Jungkook deftly moves his fingers inside your wet walls, all while beginning to leave open-mouthed kisses down the unbitten side of your neck. The combined sensations have you whimpering, already too fucked out to speak. Jungkook seems to be similarly affected, as he continues to rut against your hip, though more quickly now. You try to wriggle your hand in between your bodies to touch him, but he suddenly halts his movement against your side when he realizes what you’re attempting to do.

“What is it?” you ask, amazed that you’re even able to talk with how well he’s finger-fucking you. Jungkook doesn’t speak right away, so you bring your hand to the back of his head and pull on the hairs at his nape. It seems to ground him.

“I, uh… I don’t want you to touch me.” Jungkook says like it pains him. He’s out of breath from moving inside you. Or maybe just from getting to be with you.

“Why not?” you say, curious but nonjudgmental.

Jungkook sighs, letting his head fall to the crook of your neck, where he mumbles, “If you touch me now I think I’ll come too fast.”

You can’t help but coo at how cute he is, and you continue to pull at the hairs at his nape. He doesn’t move from that spot for a few moments, but he continues to fuck you open tenderly with his fingers. You take his silence as an opportunity.

“Do you want to fuck me?” you ask sweetly, putting as much emotion as possible into every word. You want Jungkook to know you mean it.

You hear him suck in a breath, and then you feel him nod against your neck. You push his hand away from your center only to bring it to your mouth, where you gently suck your arousal from his digits. You feel his head turn towards your face, so you can only assume that he’s watching you do it. You move your tongue over his fingers as you continue, feeling powerful and just as desired as when he had you pinned against the wall earlier.

When you finish licking Jungkook clean of your wetness, you let go of his hand. You expect him to start moving around so he can fuck you, but instead he brings his hand back to your face, where he thumbs at your cheek like he did in the elevator. He’s just looking at you longingly, lovingly. You can’t get enough of that look.

“Jungkook,” you say, your breath coming back to you. “I love you. Please fuck me.”

Jungkook pauses the movement of his thumb. “That’s the first time you’ve said it back.” He sounds choked up when he speaks.

You realize that he’s right. “I love you, I love you, I love you.” You punctuate each admission with a kiss to the crown of his head.

You hear a small sniffle before Jungkook moves his head out of your space and ducks it so you can’t see him clearly. You lift your hand to his chin and bring it forward so you can see his face. He’s wearing a small smile, lip trembling a bit. His eyes are shining.

“How do you want me?” you say softly, overwhelmed with love.

Jungkook clears his throat. “Um… can we do it like this? I want to, um, see you. I want to see you.”

You smile brightly up at him and nod, moving your hand away from his face so you can situate yourself underneath your husband. You bring him down to you for a passionate kiss while opening your legs to fit his hips between yours.

Jungkook reaches down between you, positioning his cock at your entrance. He continues to kiss you slowly, purposefully, as he inches himself inside. Your hands find purchase on his strong shoulders, and he swallows your moan with his lips as he bottoms out within your quivering walls.

He doesn’t move right away, allowing you a moment to adjust. Another thing to love about this man. When you’re ready, you squeeze his shoulders and he takes the cue to pull back. Then he snaps his hips forward, and you see nothing but stars.

As Jungkook thrusts into you, he drops his head back down into the crook of your neck and bites down on your pulse point again. You can’t help but cry out, your body thrumming with pleasure and a bit of pain. Jungkook only moves faster, cupping your breast with the hand not holding him up.

“I think I might come,” he confesses into your neck. You clench at the thought of him painting your walls white.

“Come whenever you want to,” you sigh back at him. You were already getting there just from being fingered, but you’re dangerously close to the precipice right now.

Jungkook lets out a huff. “You first,” he says petulantly, then moves his hand from your breast down to the apex of your thighs, where he begins rubbing your clit mercilessly.

His attention to your clit, his cock pounding into you, and his obvious desire to put you before himself all combine together to send you careening off the edge. You feel the pressure that had been building in your lower belly finally release, causing something white-hot to move outward from your very core to the tips of your fingers and toes. You call out his name as he follows you closely behind, shuddering as he comes inside you and continuing to fuck you through both of your orgasms.

After you both begin to come down and Jungkook pulls out of you, he immediately snuggles back into your side, placing his head in the crook of your neck once more and throwing his free hand over your waist, tugging you in close.

“This is my new favorite spot,” he expresses quietly, voice already thick with sleep.

You yawn, bringing your hand back to his nape and absentmindedly beginning to pull at the hair there. After all your daydreaming, you can safely say that this is your new favorite spot as well.

“I love you,” you manage to get out before you and your husband both drift off - silently, each holding a piece of the other.

[currantlee]

The Bloody Anniversary

(Ao3)

Sora's and Kairi's paopu fruit anniversary is coming up, and they want to celebrate. However, things do not go as planned.

~ 3.5k words. Rated T (Teens and Older). Written for SoKai Week 2022. Beta-read by @theeeveetamer Warnings: (non-sexual) nudity, menstruation and blood (obviously)

If you feel uncomfortable with any of the topics mentioned in these warnings, please feel free to skip this fic!

I hope you give it a try regardless, since I feel like menstruation is a very important topic for everyone (plus one that is unfortunately still surrounded by a lot of misinformation), but it's up to you. If you feel uncomfortable and decide to skip, please don't feel bad about it! It's okay.

She could faintly hear the birds singing outside, and something warm was tingling on her face as the darkness slowly faded into a warm red.

Kairi blinked.

The sun was peeking through the curtains of Sora’s and her shared bedroom. They had left the window open last night, and the light breeze was making the curtains flow a little bit. It seemed like a perfect morning.

Kairi yawned and sat up, rubbing her eyes a bit to make that morning blurriness in her sight go away. She felt a little sore in her lower area and legs. Maybe she had overdone it a bit last night… But it would surely get better over the course of the day, or she would just forget about it. They had so much planned, and she couldn’t wait to get started.

She glanced to her side. Of course, Sora was still sleeping.

He was rarely up before her, and when he was, there was a decent chance it was due to their Keyblade wielder duties. He didn’t want to wake her up by walking into their bedroom in the middle of the night whenever he returned from a mission late, so he usually just napped on the couch. Those were the days he would usually surprise her with breakfast in bed in the morning.

Not that she would ever complain about him being a late riser. Kairi loved watching him sleep – he always looked so peaceful and cute. Not that he couldn’t be when he was awake, but it was a different kind of cute.

Aside from that though, she admittedly enjoyed getting an extended look at his currently naked body. Who could fault her? She loved him, and now at twenty years old, he was more attractive than ever – or well, maybe she was just hornier than ever.

Whatever it was, she loved him.

Kairi leaned over and planted a gentle kiss on his forehead. Sora stirred a bit in response and murmured something she couldn’t understand.

“Keep sleeping, love ,” she whispered and carefully caressed his cheek. “You don’t have to get up yet.”

Today, she wanted to be the one who surprised him with breakfast in bed. After all, it was a very special day for the both of them, and it was about time she repaid the favor.

Sora sighed and relaxed again. Once Kairi was sure she hadn’t woken him up, she pulled her blanket off…

Only to notice a very prominent, dark red spot on the sheets.

Was she still sleeping? Kairi rubbed her eyes, and slightly pinched her own palm, but the dark spot remained where it was.

Well, that was unexpected. She shouldn’t be due for her period until at least two days from now! Sure, Kairi had noticed the common signs of her cycle ending soon over the past few days, but she wasn’t in puberty anymore. Her period cycle had settled into a nice 33-day-pattern, and it was only 31 days since her last one started.

Kairi could feel her womb cramping. Her muscles suddenly decided to act on their own, and she knew that she was leaking. She glanced down. Well, those bedsheets would certainly need to be changed…

“Fuck!”

She scrambled herself out of bed somehow and ran straight into the bathroom, probably losing a few more drops of blood on her way, which… Great. More to clean up later on.

Kairi slammed the bathroom door shut harder than she intended to in her hurry, and turned the lock. For now, she had to make sure she didn’t make even more of a mess. She opened the bathroom closet – damnit, where were her pads? Right, they had reorganized the closet two weeks ago… Why had they decided to do this again?

She sighed. It wasn’t like she could change it now. Where had they put her pads again? If her memory served her right, then they were… Yup, bingo!

She pulled one of the small, black cloths from the little box she kept them in when they weren’t in use, or in the washing machine. That should suffice for now. She could get her period panties later, for now she had to worry about the mess…

Damnit, where were her regular panties?

Kairi groaned – of course she had left those wherever they had been tossed in the bedroom last night. Great. That meant she had to go back to the bedroom and get some new ones, probably creating even more of a mess that she had to clean up…

A soft knock at the door interrupted her thoughts. “Kairi?”

Sora still sounded a little sleepy, yet worried. Great, now she had woken him up too… Why did this have to happen today, out of every possible day that it could have happened?

“Sorry for the mess,” she blurted out. Gosh, something this big hadn’t happened since she was a teenager. Sure, there had been some minor incidents, but never something this big of a mess. “I’ll clean it up in a minute!”

 “Kairi, are you alright?”

Oh no… The puddle of blood she had left on the sheets was probably one of the first things he had seen today, and here she was talking about cleaning up while he still didn’t know what was going on. No wonder he was so worried.

“I’m okay,” she said. “Just got my period ahead of schedule, that’s all.”

She could hear a sigh of relief behind the door. “Can I get you anything?”

“I need some underwear to put my pads in.” Part of her didn’t want to ask him to do such a mundane thing for her, but she was relieved that he was offering it.

“I’ll get you some clothes then,” he announced. “Your period panties are in the same drawer as your others, right?”

“Yes. The ones in the pink box.” That way, she never had to search for long.

“Okay,” Sora said. “I’ll be right back.”

Kairi let herself drop on the toilet and sighed. Not only did her period catch her slightly off-guard, but on the worst day possible.

Today wasn’t just any day – today was their five-year-anniversary of first sharing a paopu fruit with each other, and their first anniversary of moving in together. That also meant they now shared their last name for a year now, since on Destiny Islands last names were tied to the place someone’s house was at . They’d have to wait another until they could get married , but Kairi didn’t mind. Sharing a house and with it a name already felt like such a huge step for their relationship that. She didn’t mind settling in a bit before taking the next, no matter how much she was looking forward to it.

It was a big deal to both of them, and therefore their friends had agreed to cover for them for one day.

Being a Keyblade Wielder meant having to be available all the time, even when the likes of Maleficent, Xehanort or the Master of Masters weren’t threatening their reality. Heartless and Nobodies existed regardless of big, universal threats after all.

There were days where nothing happened at all, and then there were days when everything seemed to happen at the same time, and someone else had to abandon whatever they were doing to move out. Usually, that was someone who had time, meaning they had no other responsibilities like raising the next generation of Keyblade Wielders, going to college or working at an ice cream shop – which was to say that usually, it currently meant either Sora, Riku, or her.

Recently, more Heartless and Nobodies than usual had shown up, and therefore Sora and her hadn’t gotten to do a lot of the things they enjoyed for quite some time. Naturally, there were a lot of things they had planned for their anniversary, all of which were now for nothing because knowing her body, she wouldn’t be able to stand anymore in a few hours due to the back pains.

Sora knocked at the bathroom door again.

“Come in,” Kairi murmured. She wasn’t afraid of him seeing her like this. After all, he had already seen all of her plenty of times.

Sora pressed down the doorknob, only to find that the door was still locked.

“Sorry!” Kairi sighed. Right, she had forgotten about that…

She pushed herself up, and unlocked the door again. When she opened it for him, she couldn’t help but think about how strange this looked to him, considering that she was all naked and had a menstrual pad in her hand .

“Here.” Sora handed her a bundle of clothes. “Take as much time as you need for yourself, okay? I’ll take care of the rest.”

Part of her wanted to argue, simply because she had made the mess in the first place so she should clean it up again, but she was relieved that he offered to do it for her. Any physically demanding activity was always such a pain while she was on her period, especially on the first day. So she nodded. “Thank you, Sora.”

“Of course,” he said, and leaned in slightly to kiss her forehead, before closing the door again, probably to give her some highly appreciated privacy.

She placed the bundle of clothes on the washing machine. Sora had not only gotten her menstrual panties for her, but some of her loungewear, including her favorite pair of socks to wear at home. Kairi noted that he had even put one of his own shirts into the mix – she loved borrowing his clothes, admittedly mostly without asking, especially when she didn’t feel particularly great. There was something comforting about it.

She knew he secretly loved seeing her wear his clothes, but him acknowledging that she liked to borrow them when she didn’t feel good was an entirely different level. It was such a small gesture, and yet it made her so happy. He made her so happy.

Gosh, she loved him.

Kairi set the clothes aside for now. She really wanted to take a bath, and afterwards she wanted to slip into those clothes, wrap herself in a blanket, ideally together with Sora, and make the best of the day like they always did. Maybe they could cook together later. They both loved doing that.

… Yeah, maybe all of this wasn’t too bad. At least if her womb and back wouldn’t be killing her in a few hours. But as long as she would get to spend time with him, she could live with that.

After adjusting the temperature of the water, she turned back to the little bathroom closet. If she was going to take a bath while being on her period, she was going to need her menstrual cup – why hadn’t she thought of that stupid thing earlier? Oh right, because she kinda hated that thing. However, bathing in her own blood wasn’t something she was keen on either. Maybe she should just have showered instead. But now the water was running already… Oh well, she was looking forward to that bath anyway.

Picking out a bathing salt brightened her mood again though. Kairi loved bathing salts for all of their different scents, and they were some frequent souvenirs she brought from other worlds. Today, she quickly settled on hibiscus and vanilla though, one of her all-time favorites.

She let herself sink into the tub and sighed. The warmth of the water helped her relax, just what she needed. Now she was even more grateful that Sora was cleaning up for her.

He was so sweet and respectful when it came to her period, and he always had been. Back when they were still seventeen and had just gotten together, she had had what was probably her scariest accident yet. Thinking about it, it hadn’t been too much unlike what had happened today. She closed her eyes as she let the memory play in front of her inner eye again.

“I gotta get up,” she says. “Can you make some space, please?” They have been sleeping in Sora’s old childhood bed together, so naturally space is a bit limited. It gave them an excuse to cuddle throughout the entire night though, something Kairi appreciates. She is still a bit shy when it comes to these things. It’s just so new, and she doesn’t want to overstep.

“But we don’t have to go anywhere today,” Sora protests. He is almost pouting, and it honestly looks pretty cute. Kairi almost feels a little bad for him. “Besides, it’s way too early to get up!”

Kairi automatically glances at the alarm clock on his nightstand. It reads 7:10 AM.

“You’re not wrong,” she admits. “It is early.” And not just for Sora.

However… “I need to use the bathroom though.”

“Oh.” Sora sighs. “Well, I guess we can keep snuggling once you come back?”

She giggles. “Of course we can.”

He gets out of bed, and the first thing Kairi sees is the prominent, dark red spot on the leg of the shorts he is wearing. It is a rather big one, and it scares her. “Sora, are you bleeding?”

He looks down. “What?” Then he sees it too, and pulls the leg up to check.

But there is no wound.

“Strange,” Sora muses, before his expression changes into a concerned one. “Wait, Kairi, are you…”

She looks down. Her entire pajama pants are stained with dark red. His sheets have dark red spots too. And she only starts noticing now, but her lower belly hurts. Suddenly, she knows what is going on. “I’m sorry…”

“You’re bleeding,” Sora says, and she can’t help but realize that he is pale. “It’s… A lot.”

She can’t hold back, she has to chuckle. It’s too embarrassing. “Sorry for ruining your sheets…” The chuckle turns into a nervous laughter. Why today? Why now? Why in front of him? Why can’t she help but laugh? He must hate her now.

“It’s okay,” Sora says. “Lemme just…”

He takes a breath. “Heal.”

That is when she realizes he has absolutely no idea what is going on.

“Sora, I’m not hurt…”

“You’re bleeding,” he points out.

“Yeah, but not because I’m hurt. It’s just shark week.” She can’t remember when the last one was. Maybe she has even skipped it. It wouldn’t surprise her, given the stress that was saving the universe.

Sora seems confused. “The sharks aren’t doing anything this week.”

He clearly doesn't get it. Maybe if she explains it in a different way… “It’s the crimson tide!”

“Well, last time I checked, the water was still blue…”

“I’m just getting Mother Nature’s gift, okay?”, she tries again. Seriously, why can’t he just get what she means, and then they can both move on with their lives? This is bad enough as it is.

“Hey, why didn’t I get one?”

She knows he isn’t doing this intentionally, but that just makes it worse. Damnit, Sora… “I’m on my period!”

“Oh,” he says. “Wait, your what?”

Had they not explained this to the boys in sex ed? “You know, this thing all females get once a month?”

“Oh,” Sora says. “Why didn’t you say that earlier?”

He’s saying it as if he’s talking about the most mundane thing in the world. Kairi wants to tell him it’s not that easy, but Sora keeps chattering before she can.

“But couldn’t you have waited with spilling all that blood until you used the bathroom?”

She wants to scream at him in this moment. How does he even get this idea? He must think all of this is disgusting – that she is disgusting – even though he isn’t showing it.

Instead, she just starts crying.

“Kairi?”

She sobs.

“Did I say something wrong?”

He doesn’t know, Kairi suddenly realizes. He clearly doesn’t know…

“Hey, whatever it is, I’m sorry…”

“I have no control whatsoever over this!”, she finally blurts out, louder and probably more hysterically than she means too. “It just happens, okay?!?”

She curls up on the bed. It’s bloody all over, but she doesn’t care. Her lower stomach area hurts so much…

“Kairi, I’m so sorry,” Sora says. “I had no idea…”

He sits down next to her on the bed again. To her surprise, he carefully puts a hand on her shoulder, as if he isn’t afraid to touch her at all. He is so warm… She doesn’t pull away. She doesn’t want to pull away. His touch is so soothing.

“Does it… Hurt?”, he shyly asks.

“Like hell,” Kairi mumbles. “You have no idea.”

Sora wraps his arms around her, and when she doesn’t pull away, he pulls her close, much to her surprise.

“You don’t have to do that if you think I’m disgusting right now.” Stuff like this is not supposed to happen after all, especially not in front of… Kairi usually never thinks of Sora as a man, but as the person she loves . Being confronted with the fact that they have been raised differently due to some biological differences almost makes her even more uncomfortable than she already is. And all of this is her fault…

“Kairi, the only disgusting thing about all of this is that they assured us in sex ed that not only can females completely control this, but it’s completely painless and if someone makes a fuzz about it, she wants attention.” He sounds mad, but she knows it isn’t directed at her. “I’m sorry, I should have known it was…”

“It’s okay,” Kairi interrupts him. “They aren’t wrong. I should have been better prepared.”

“It’s not okay,” Sora argues. “They’re telling you to be ashamed for something that’s just completely natural and that you have no control over, and they’re telling us to shame you for it, all because of some mundane differences in our bodies. It’s fucked up.”

He believes her, more than he believes his teachers at school. Something about that makes her so happy that she almost forgets about everything else. She has to sob again.

Sora squeezes her a little tighter. “What can I do to make this easier for you?”

Later that day, they had quite the extensive talk about how their bodies worked. In retrospect, that was probably when the initial awkwardness in their relationship had faded. Maybe being on her period wasn’t just terrible after all. It was still the worst time of the month though!

A soft knock interrupted her thoughts. “Can I get you anything?”, Sora asked through the door. He must be finished with cleaning up.

She suddenly felt the urge to have him close to her, but she also didn’t want to leave her bathtub. The warm water was too nice to pass up on. “Would you mind joining in?”

“You mean,” he opened the bathroom door just a little bit, and his head poked through, “joining you in the bathtub?”

She nodded.

“Sure, why not?”

He closed the bathroom door behind him before taking off his clothes, a sight Kairi enjoyed every time. She made some space for him so he could get into the bathtub behind her, careful to not slip by accident.

Sora sighed as he wrapped his arms around her and leaned back, something Kairi didn’t mind. She wanted to cuddle. It was always extra good when there were no distracting layers of clothing between them.

He gently pulled her closer, and Kairi carefully turned onto her side to rest her head on his chest, right on the scar above his heart. She enjoyed listening to his heartbeat, it was relaxing.

“You know,” Sora said as he gently caressed her back, “Maybe this isn’t too bad. We haven’t spent an entire day at home in a while.”

That was true. They never really got a break from being Keyblade Wielders after all. “It would be perfect if it was raining.”

Just as she said that, the first drops hit the window. Strange. Hadn’t the sun been shining earlier?

Sora chuckled. “Looks like you got your wish.”

“What can I say? I am a shooting star after all.” Or at least, she had arrived on this world in the form of one all those years ago. “So, is there anything you wish to do today?”

“Honestly, just spending the entire day with you is already enough for me,” Sora said. “Although… How about we watch a movie?”

They hadn’t done that in quite some time too. “Sounds good,” she said.

Sora planted a gentle kiss onto her head. “Happy anniversary, Kairi.”

“Happy anniversary, Sora.”

[writings-of-a-hufflepuff]

A Little Blood Never Hurt Anyone

Fandom: The Mentalist

Pairing: Marcus Pike x Reader (Reader Menstruates, but no pronouns used, reader is Marcus’ partner not specified as GF or BF)

Writer: @writings-of-a-hufflepuff​ aka @hufflepuffing-all-day-long​

Rating: T (Nudity, nothing sexual though, are boy is just here to help you)

Warnings: Blood because periods and your embarrassment, but Marcus is a sweetie and he is here to help you. 

Summary: There’s one thing about Marcus that differentiates him from all your past boyfriend’s and that is that he’s an adult man who acts like an adult man. He’s mature, he’s responsible, he’s kind, he’s pragmatic and romantic. So when you’re bleeding everywhere, it surprises you, but really shouldn’t, that he’s calm, collected and just wants to take care of you.

Notes: This is a theme I come back to, I think mostly because as an adult who menstruates there’s something deeply attractive about a man who’s a actual adult and can’t handle you bleeding from your vagina like an adult and not like a child who can’t even say the word period. 

Archiveofourown

There was never a worse feeling than the slick wetness of blood pooling between your thighs at 2 in the morning. There was not a worse way to find yourself roused from sleep than to feel that sensation as blood slips down your inner thighs and pools beneath you soaking into your bed covers and clothes, this wake-up call was made exponentially worse when you realised Marcus had slept over and that you’d never even had to broach the topic of periods with him. No, no conversation had ever happened, you had no idea what his attitude was, but now you’d gone and bled over your bedding and partly on him, if the feeling of blood pooling near where he was curled around you was anything to go by. You hadn’t expected to have to deal with this with your boyfriend of four months, but you supposed it was inevitable, seeing as it happened every month. 

With a groan you push the duvet off of the two of you and sit up to assess the damage. Turning on the lamp, Marcus barely stirs as you take time to figure out what’s happened. There’s a noticeable red spot through your pajama bottoms and the fitted sheet underneath has a large wet spot too, looking to Marcus you feel embarrassment warm your cheeks at the blood stains on his pajama bottoms where he’d been curled up with you. It makes you want to cry because this is not how you wanted to wake up or spend your morning and you’ll have to wake Marcus who already has to get up early to leave for a case at 5am. He shouldn’t have to get up early and he shouldn’t have to have his pajama bottoms ruined by your blood. 

“Marcus...baby.” You shake his shoulders gently, wincing at the feeling of blood slipping down your legs as you sit up and how gross you feel in that moment. You can’t believe it came a whole week early, a whole week, how were you supposed to predict that? 

“Mmm, sweetheart? What’s wrong?” His voice is thick and heavy with sleep, deeper than usual if that’s possible and under any other circumstance it would make you want to curl up into him as he talked to you. 

“I...I started my period and there’s blood everywhere, I’m sorry for waking you, baby, but you need to get changed...I...I’m sorry.” It’s the embarrassment and upset in your voice that wakes him up fully, forcing him to sit up and take stock of the situation. You’re right there’s blood on him, but that’s okay, his pajamas are the ratty sort that he should have thrown out years ago anyway. You're covered in it and the bed needs changing too, but it’s okay, he thinks, this is okay, he can do that simply enough. He’s never minded changing the bed. The sheets are dark enough in colour that it shouldn’t stain too badly. He’s calculating the best course of action, what to do first before he even notices your downward gaze and trembling lip.

“Hey...honey,” He’s cupping your cheeks in his hands, large and warm. They bring your focus back onto him and not the blood that is drying on your legs or the aching that’s starting up in your lower back and abdomen. “It’s okay, a little blood never hurt anyone. Let’s get you cleaned up first, okay?” He keeps his voice soft for you, hands stroking a gentle thumb on the apple of your cheek before pressing a quick kiss to your forehead.

He’s wide awake now as he steps out of your bed and walks to your side, hands gripping your own as he walks you backwards to the bathroom. The bed can wait until he’s got you into the shower and got you some clothes and whatever else you need. You come first and you’re clearly uncomfortable as the blood flows steadily downwards with the force of gravity.

“I’m so embarrassed, Marcus…” You can’t wait to get clean, you feel horrible and uncomfortable. The lure of warm water has you picking up the pace to the bathroom even though your stomach cramps are getting worse and worse with each second. 

“Honey, you don’t have anything to be embarrassed about. If it’s about the blood…” He gestures to the red stains on his sweatpants that you just know aren’t coming out with how they’ve already dried, “I’m an adult, a little blood doesn’t bother me and I needed to throw these away anyway.” 

He turns the shower on, letting it heat up as he begins to help you out of your stained pajamas. He’s certain he can get the blood out of them if he gets them in a tub to soak fast enough, the blood is fresh enough. He knows they’re your favourite pair and he’d hate for you to have to throw them away, “I don’t ever want you to be ashamed of your periods, sweetheart, it’s natural. It’s okay.”

“What did I do to deserve you?” You think back to the last couple of boyfriends, how they just couldn’t even stomach you mentioning your period let alone the sight of blood or a sanitary towel or tampon. He’s so vastly different in the maturity with which he’s handling this that it confuses you that he’s not shying away from you right now. 

“Baby,” He holds your face in his hands again once you're free of your clothes, “I don’t know what sort of guys you were dating before, but they should have helped you with this, okay? I’m not setting a new standard, I'm just doing what I should.” It breaks his heart to think that you’re ashamed of your body, of something that you can’t help and that you somehow think he’s something special for doing what anyone should do for their partner when they’re bleeding for days on end. It’s the least you should expect from him. 

“Now, get your cute butt in that shower and I'll get these clothes in a bucket and change the bedding. Do you want one of my shirts to change into? Where do you keep your tampons? Pads?” Taps you on the butt, a light tap urging you under the warm spray before gathering your clothes. 

“Yes please, I think there’s one in my closet? The flannel that you left last time? I’ve got some stuff in here in the cupboard,” You think to your stash under the sink, grateful you weren’t running out of anything. 

“The flannel, got it, honey!” 

He leaves you to your shower and strips the bed off first before anything else. The blood spot is pretty large, but it’s still wet and once again he’s pretty sure the stain will come out, especially in the darker fabric. His pajama bottoms follow, they’re probably a lost cause but he figures he might as well try and clean them just in case. He putters to your kitchen and fills your mop bucket up with cold water and stain remover, leaving the laundry in it to soak before putting it anywhere near a washing machine.

The flannel is in your chest of drawers and he grabs it along with a pair of your underwear that he’s sure are one of your comfier pairs. You’re still under the stream of hot water when he comes in to place them on the closed lid of the toilet seat.

“Got some clothes for you, sweetheart.” He takes a moment to watch you. He’s just happy to see you relaxed, sure it’s early in the morning and he’s tired, but seeing you brighten, that’s worth it. He can sleep on the plane later, it’ll take a few hours to get from DC to New York where his case is and he doesn’t mind being tired if it means your day goes a little smoother. 

“Thank you, baby.” You sigh out in response, the warm water easing some of the pain in your body. The cramps never feel as bad under warm water and your back ache eases a little bit at least. 

“Do you have a spare set of bedding?” 

“Umm…” You have to think for a moment, what did you do with your old bedding, did you throw it out? No, you wouldn’t have, surely not. “Maybe? Check the cabinet in the hallway?” 

He finds it hidden in the back of the hallway cabinet, the bedding doesn’t match the current colour scheme of your room but he doesn’t think that matters much when you just need a clean, comfy bed to fall into. He has the bed made by the time you’re walking out of the bathroom, hair dripping wet, his flannel over your shoulders. 

“Get into bed, honey.” Marcus urges you, opening up the blankets for you and sliding in besides you. 

You reach over and turn the light off, “I’m sorry I woke you up at 2am…”

“It’s okay, sweetie, you need anything else?” He asks as he wraps himself around you, arms tight around your waist, face pressed into your shoulder, dropping little kisses there. His beard tickles a little, he’s still got the thing, not that you mind. He’s warm and he smells like comfort and that’s all you can really ask for even while your uterus is having a go at you.

“Just hold me till I fall asleep?” 

“I think that can be arranged.” A leg slips between yours, toes pressed into the back of your calf and it’s like having your own living, breathing weighted blanket. He becomes a comforting weight at your back, a warmth that has your eyes drooping and you yawning into your pillow. 

                                               -------------------------

The next time you wake up it’s to say goodbye to him at 5 in the morning. He demands you stay in bed, giving you a longer than necessary kiss on his way out and making sure the laundry is in the washing machine before he leaves. You miss him the moment you hear the front door shut, but allow yourself to nuzzle back into your covers and fall back asleep. The lethargy you always feel around your period hitting you like a truck already. 

Work for the next few days is a killer. Your back aches, your stomach keeps cramping so hard you want to bend yourself in half to relieve them. You’re constantly hungry, constantly tired, and everything your co-workers say gets on your nerves. Added to missing your boyfriend, who’s off trying to deal with another stupid art thief who couldn’t wait a few more weeks before deciding to steal a Picasso, you’re having a hell of a week and a hell of a period. You’re not sure you’ve had one this bad in a while actually. 

It’s a Wednesday evening when the door to your home opens and closes again, the sound of keys being thrown on the side and shoes being kicked off meeting your ears. You’re curled up on your sofa, a hot water bottle pressed against your stomach in a vain effort to relieve some of your discomfort. 

“Marcus?” You call out because it can only be Marcus, no one else has a key to your place. You’re a little confused because he always phones you when he’s on his way back from a case, but the rustling of bags and his deep voice calling down the corridor reassures you that maybe he just forgot, it’s certainly not a burglar. Unless, he has an evil doppelganger somewhere. 

“It’s me, honey!” He drops his bag by the door, he’ll deal with the dirty laundry later and follows the sound of your voice into the living room. You’re curled up amongst what looks like every blanket you own, mind numbing TV playing that you’re not even watching, your face is scrunched up in pain and you're clutching your stomach. This part of the reason he decided to forgo going back to his own place, he wanted to check on you, make sure you’re okay, that and he really missed you.

He drops the shopping bags on the coffee table and crouches next to you, fingers pushing back strands of your hair and smoothing the harsh lines by your eyes as you wince. You’re warm to the touch and he hopes that’s normal for you and not a sign you’re getting sick on top of your period. 

“You okay?” 

“Just cramps. It’s okay...I’ll be okay., I’m just glad you’re back, I’ve missed you.” You ease into the soft feeling of fingers, the delicate little touches to your skin as rubs little circles into your temple and down your neck. You’ve missed this, missed him. You always miss him, but this period has hit you especially hard and you wanted him around more than ever.

“Missed you too, sweetheart.” He presses a quick kiss to your lips, but you grab his tie and pull him back down. Nipping at his bottom lip he opens his mouth to your tongue, hand cupping the back of your neck before you’re gasping in pain as another crump hits you. Marcus pulls back and presses his forehead to yours with a sigh and a quick kiss to your cheek. 

“Would a bath help? I stopped at the store on my way over, got some of your favourite bubblebath and those baked things that you like.” 

“Have I told you lately how you’re the perfect boyfriend?” You ask pressing kisses over his cheeks before settling for brushing your nose against his. You’re not sure how he manages to make you feel better even when you’re in pain and hormonal, but like a magic cure he does. 

“Mmm.. I don’t think so?”

“Well, you’re the perfect boyfriend and I love you very much.” You press another kiss to his lips, sighing into his mouth before pulling back and settling back into your nest of blankets. 

“I love you too, why don’t you stay here? I’ll go run that bath.” He reaches down to grab the bubblebath from the bag and tosses you a few bags of your favourite snacks to munch on while you wait. You decide then and there that anyone who ever gave him up was an absolute idiot who couldn’t see that they already had the crown jewels. Why would you ever want anyone else?

He’s never understood your fascination with burning hot bath water, but he makes it how you prefer it even if it’s a tad hot for his tastes. If he wasn’t so sore from his flight, he might have tried to carry you to the bath, but the last thing he wanted was to drop you when you weren’t feeling great, so instead he just moves your half eaten snacks to the coffee table and pulls you gently by the hands to your bathroom. 

There’s nothing sexual about the way he helps you undress, it’s something you love about Marcus, that he can put aside his libido to help you get undressed and into your bath. There’s no touches outside of the caring and gentle ones, no comments about your nudity, just him helping you get into the hot bath water. You sink into it like it’s the finest feather bed, watching him undress himself, before sliding in behind you. Legs on either side of yours, chest pressed to your back. 

Your tub is a little small for the two of you, so you can’t stretch out completely, but that’s fine because you’d take it being a little cramped and Marcus being there over being on your own. He helps you wash, careful with you at every step, gentle as he whispers how much he’s missed you, how much he loves you and tells you about his case and how they managed to catch the gang of thieves this time. 

He massages the back of your neck and shoulders as you lie against him, working on the knots that have started to form over the last few days. A pop in your neck has you sighing and you’re thankful for the press of his fingers over your spin and through the knots that have been causing you to lose sleep while he’s been gone. 

The two of you stay there until the water begins to get cool, Marcus helping you out of the tub and drying you down with a towel. He collects your clothes and helps you get dressed for bed even though you can put your things on yourself. It’s nice that you don’t have to, that he carefully slides your legs into your pajama bottoms and drags your favourite sleep shirt over your head before pressing two quick kisses to your lips and ushering you into bed. 

“Marcus, where are you going?” You ask when he leaves you there, hand grabbing his as he walks past you to the door to the rest of your home. You just want him wrapped around you right now and can’t understand why he’d leave you.

“I’m going to lock up, honey, and grab your blankets. I’ll be back.” He gives your hand a squeeze. He loves that you want him around, after all the times he’s been more invested than his partner, this time, this time it feels right. You don’t just tolerate him, you love him. You want him there and it makes every little thing he does for you infinitely more rewarding when he knows you appreciate him for everything. 

“Quickly?” You’re cute staring up at him with a pout and he knows that he wouldn’t be able to take longer than is strictly necessary when he knows you're waiting for him to come back to bed and curl up beside you.

“Quickly.” He leans over you placing a kiss to your nose before going to lock up. He makes sure all the windows are shut, the front door locked, the television off, all before grabbing the pile of blankets you’d left on the sofa to return to you.

He throws them around you, letting you grab a few to snuggle up with, before climbing in bed beside you, spooning you from behind. He takes a deep breath and feels his body relax with the familiar smell of your shampoo and the feeling of your warm skin against his cheek. He could spend the rest of his life looking after you, curling up with you after coming back from a case and he would die happy that way. He’d happily take care of you through every single period and every single bout of sickness, just as long as he gets to be with you. 

“You need anything?”

“No, everything I need is right here, baby.” You sigh back into his arms, twisting a leg through his as he rubs a hand over your stomach soothing away the lingering pains with gentle circles.

[musing-and-music]

a river returning each month

Part 3/6: Eat and rest

Through the years they knew each other, Roy helped Riza countless times (the other way around happened even more). He helped her through the most difficult days of her life, especially the ones that came back each month, twelve times a year.

There were five times more important than others.

And one time he knew he would be with her even if these days didn't happen.

Part 3: East City, somewhere between 1910 and 1914. Roy knows Riza well now

Rating: T (mentions of neglect, blood, war, trauma)

Characters: Riza Hawkeye, Roy Mustang, Team Mustang, King Bradley, Original Character

Relationships: Riza Hawkeye/Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye & Roy Mustang & Team Mustang

Tags: Royai, Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, 5+1 Thing, Menstruation, I'm sorry about the names of the chapters, First Menstruation, Roy "I've been raised by an army of women so I know a bit how this works" Mustang, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Ishval Civil War, period pain, here's too much chamomile here, and chocolate too

Read on AO3 / Read on FFN / Read in French / From the beginning

The atmosphere was relaxed in Colonel Mustang’s office. The commanding officer was working on his reports without great enthusiasm. However he couldn’t believe he had been scolded only twice by Hawkeye since the beginning of the day. Second-lieutenant Havoc had left the office for his third smoking break of the morning and Hawkeye had said nothing. Fuery was studying wires and electrical components from a new radio set he’d wanted to repair, and Riza hadn’t glanced at him sharply to prompt him to work. Breda was writing in his notepad, and Roy was certain it wasn’t related to the current cases. Falman was the only one who seemed to be working, but his superior officer was almost sure it was only to learn new knowledge. He’d taken out the latest files about car thefts and was looking through them quickly.

“Some people have enough money to buy a new car every fortnight,” he said. “The same couple had their car stolen five times last year. It was always the latest model, with all options.”

“They don’t know how to take care of what they have,” Roy replied. “Or they’ve never been in financial need.”

“What? You know what it is, Colonel?” Breda interfered in the conversation.

Roy glanced at him severely and told him to get back to what he was doing. He wouldn’t tell him his life, even to tell him he’d known times of need. The years he’d spent with the Hawkeyes had given him a new point of view on reality, since Riza’s family was so different from his. He’d known what it was to work to gain some pocket money. Madame Christmas had made sure of that.

“Gentlemen, get back to work, and do it correctly, please.”

Hawkeye’s voice surprised Roy. She sounded tired and restrained. She wasn’t the Lieutenant he was used to seeing at work everyday. He glanced at her. She’d turned to Fuery and he noticed the tension between her shoulder blades.

...

[orange-waterfalls]

Trans Male Reader HCs

ty @peachyplays​ for the request!

A/N: PEACHY SIR I AM SO FUCKING SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG UHHHHHH but im still alive. i am here. im fine. this is some hcs about before transitioning and during and a lil after bc i feel like after it would just be. pretty normal. uh i did the 5 that appeared in ahwm, excluding heistiplier bc ehhhh. Darkipier, Wilford, Yancy, Illinois, Magnum. Rated T, i think. TW: mention of periods, scars, binding, dysphoria. Yeah. I think that’s it. Enjoy!

Trans Male!Reader HCs

Darkiplier

Doesn’t really care

You have girl parts. Great

He has a century old demonic entity+a pair of twins. You're not special

Tries to be understanding, but mostly just doesn’t address it very much

There’s no need to! He loves you, it doesn't matter to him!

He will try to make you feel comfortable if you start to feel dysphoric

If you menstruate, he deals with it well

Both Damien and Celine would know precisely what to do so…

Heating pad, candy, movies + snuggles

Makes you lay down and hold the heating pad while you wait for the painkillers to kick in

Has a timer for 10 hours and you WILL take your binder off when it goes off

Is not afraid to threaten you over it

You know he doesn’t mean it and DAMMIT MAN YOU’RE GONNA HURT YOURSELF

If you start to take T, he just sits next to you

It might seem like he’s vibrating a little

That’s just the emotion seeping out

It seems like he doesn’t pay attention to your voice

In reality he listens closely everyday for how much deeper it went

You expected him to laugh when your voice cracked

he just asked you to repeat what you said

You appreciated that

He offers to pay for your top surgery if you decide to get it

Whether you say yes or know, he supports you

But he’s also nervous because Surgery

He checks the history of every person who even might be near you

Your surgeon was acting “strange” so he interrogated the poor man

You then explained he was doing his JOB

He squeezes your hand and kisses the back of it before you go into surgery.

The others have to convince him that you are not, in fact, going to Die

When you get out of surgery he stands on the other side of the room, waiting

He looks straight out of a horror movie

You almost scream when you wake up

He steps into the light holding a basket of fruit

He’s been watching a lot of romance movies…

Makes sure you DON’T FUCKING MOVE when you get home

You are going to LAY THERE and HEAL and you’re gonna LIKE IT

Often asks how your scars feel

A little defensive if people ask about them

A bit protective, but pretty much the same as before

Wilford

I don’t… I don’t think he comprehends the situation

I don’t think he knows what you mean, i’ll be honest

I think he just. Loves you. And filters everything else out.

Because unless it changes how you feel about him, it Does Not Matter

He treats you the same way he always does

Which includes being extra clingy and cuddly when you’re feeling bad or dysphoric

If you menstruate he goes into Good Boyf mode

Meaning he absolutely SPOILS you, moreso than usual

Cooks for you, buys you… a lot of things you probably don’t need…

Asks "is it shark week?" and buys extra detergent

You will take your binder off when it's time

You have no choice in the matter

and when you don't he somehow gets it off of you???

I dunno man, he's like. A god. Who knows

He WILL make sure you're safe and healthy whether you like it or not

If you start to take T, he's not allowed at the clinic

He's banned from like. Everywhere.

He always makes sure to say your voice sounds deeper

Even if it's early and it doesn't and you KNOW it doesn't, he says it anyways

He's just being supportive, it's fine

He's a lil nervous if you decide to get top surgery

The idea of someone just straight up cutting you while you're ASLEEP???

hate. bad. no thanks.

He tries to watch through a window but has to give up bc he just starts feeling Bad.

he sits and bounces his leg in the waiting room and plays with a fidget toy you got him

He basically teleports into the room when you're out

The nurse faints because what the FUCK

He just holds his bowl of chicken noodle soup while they're dragged out of the room

You eat and talk for a bit and he just gazes at you bc your voice is so nice

He's very smothering when you get home

Thinks you're gonna hurt yourself whenever you do anything

sit DOWN you dumbass you're gonna TEAR YOUR STITCHES

makes you binge a bunch of movies with him

He doesn't really pay attention, just watches you to see if you need anything

likes to trace and kiss your scars if you let him

Loves you so much <333

Yancy

I mean. He probably doesn't know what you mean

You are? a boy? I don't?

You explain and THEN he understands

He's a lil dumb, it's ok.

He isn't quite sure how to make you feel better when you're dysphoric??

Does he call you manly? Does he completely ignore you? What does he do?!

Eventually he’s settled on awkwardly calling you “Handsome” and “very masculine”

If you menstruate, he panics

He's had a mom before, he knows what it does

He doesn’t know how to make you feel better

He doesn’t wanna coddle you but also he likes feeling like he’s needed

He tries to cook for you but uh. yeah that didn't work out

The cook kicked him out and then made it themself, having Yancy deliver it to you

He convinced the warden to give him painkillers as well, and buys you candy

He’ll make sure you take your binder off when you need to

Might be a little lax, like with a child

“Okay… 30 more minutes. But then yous is takin' it off!”

Doesn’t fully understand the repercussions of you not taking it off

Once he does he literally BEGS you to take it off

Actually started crying one time

If you start T he asks a bunch of questions you probably don't know the answer to

He’s fascinated by how much your voice changes

He bites his lip to not laugh whenever your voice cracks

Once your voice gets like. As deep as it will go he kisses you and says you sound hot

He will panic if you decide to get top surgery

Constantly suggests robbing a bank or robbing a rich person

“There’s some expensive shit that’s been confiscated, i can help!”

When the day actually comes he's on the consistent verge of a panic attack

he can't even like BE there because. prison.

He cries while everyone else has to comfort him for the entire time you're healing

Once you see him again he interrogates you to make sure you're taking care of yourself

A guard lets you two have a little time alone, and you two talk about it

If you let him, he wants to see the result

He gives you a big hug and tells you how much he loves you

Illinois

Probably the only one who actually understands and actually KNOWS shit

though he's too narcissistic to really… like… care

He loves you, but like. If you don’t mention it he doesn’t really feel a need to

He will make sure you’re okay, he knows when you act weird

Other than that he doesn’t actively do much

He says "hey there handsome" or something like that every morning, and that's about it

If you menstruate, he just tosses you painkillers and says there's ice cream in the freezer

I mean. that's pretty much all you need

He will cuddle if you ask, though

Also flirts with you and talks to you more

If you bind, he will be very pushy about it

Will not let you do anything until you take your binder off after the designated amount of time

if he's on an adventure, he calls the others to go to your place and tell you to take your binder off

He knows you won't listen but I mean shit he doesn't want you hurt

If you DONT take it off and have bruises he will straight up blackmail you

Keep doing this, you don't get any cuddles or kisses

Mostly for your benefit bc. bruises. but still

If you start T, he will help, but only if you ask

When your voice cracks he laughs

He apologizes while still laughing

He sleeps on the couch a lot

A little startled after he comes home from an adventure and your voice is deep?? hot???

If you get surgery, he’s relatively calm

He doesn’t like the sounds and smells of the hospital, though.

They weird him out

He’ll kiss you a bunch before you go into surgery and then waits outside.

Probably goes to get some food as well

When you’re out, he sits by you and eats, waiting for you to wake up

He slides an apple over to you and tells you to eat if you feel like it

He does his best to take care of you at home

He knows how to heal, and you need to SIT your ass down

Stays home from adventures while you heal

He doesn’t trust you to take care of yourself

He will not ASK you to take care of yourself he will TELL you because he KNOWS how you are

Stares at your scars sometimes

He doesn’t mean to be rude, they're just… there

He likes them. They’re cool. They’re yours, how could he not?

Tries to be as respectful as he can be

Kisses your scars. Like a lot. Like a LOT a lot.

He has a thing for scars, they’re badass

Captain Magnum

Completely Does Not Understand

At the same time, Does Not Care

Can you shoot? Can you stab? Can you loot? Then you’re perfect

Treats you the same way as the rest of his crew but with a lil more special attention

That attention being calling you rugged and tough

If you menstruate, he recommends hanging out with the rest of them to distract you

He also recommends LOOTING!

You’re pirates, what else would he want from you

Will stop in a town to buy whatever you need, if you ask

But you can probably get something from some other crewmates

If you bind, he won't let you do anything until you take it off when you need to

Think you can trick him bc he doesn't know what's happening?

SURPRISE BITCH HE LOOKED IT UP

ya can't fool the man, he may be stupid but he's not dumb

If you want to start T, he’ll stay in one town for a while.

Understands that you need this, and doesn’t want you to be upset

NO he’s not playing favorites but yes he absolutely is

Doesn’t ask questions, it’s not his business

However, if you explain, he will listen

Will be elated if you steal from the town

He’s still a pirate, and you are still his boyfriend, you had to do something

Makes you sing sea shanties when your voice gets deeper

Better be prepared to sing the chorus alone, even if you’re a shit singer

He just loves to hear it and therefore EVERYONE ELSE will hear it too

If you get surgery, he’s very nervous

He's never really been in a hospital but he thinks it's unnatural

Too white. Too clean. Too much.

Refuses to go in the hospital, but gives you a tight hug before you go in

He then regrets not going in because he misses you a lot :(

Once you're out and can go back on the ship he's very gentle

He's not a gentle man, but he tries

Makes you stay in your quarters and tries to make you comfy

Doesn't really know what to do so let's a crewmate help you

Claims that your scars make you badass! and attractive!

Puts you on the front lines to boost up your confidence

It only makes you nervous really, but you appreciate the effort