#rbr seb take 2

[effervescentdragon]

because I got complaints that I'm a coward about things from @blorbocedes in this and because my Mutti didn't raise a pussy (gn, affectionate), here have this bcs I can't stop thinking about it :

The lights of Abu Dhabi are bright, but not as bright as his smile. Nothing compares to the feeling of after a win, and he just won for the fifth time. Five WDC's for Number Five, Sebastian Vettel, he hears the broadcasters say. Five-time-World-Champion Sebastian Vettel.

He finally made it.

"Congratulations," Jenson says, and his smile is just wicked enough for Seb to notice, but not enoigh for the cameras to catch it. Sebastian knows Nico is in the paddock somewhere, and he knows he has an open invitation to join them. (What happens on race Sundays stays there, as it always did, and this is Abu Dhabi. It doesn't count, or that's what Nico always claimed. Jenson and Seb would only look at each other, and make him shut up for the night.) "Five-time World Champion! How does it feel?"

Like vindication, he could say. Like finally getting back something that was owed. Like the world is finally where it should be, aligned as it should have been a long time ago. Like justice, cosmic or carmic. Like it should be. Like it did the previous four times, only even better.

He smiles for the cameras, practiced and with ease. "Wonderful," he says instead. "Emotional, and amazing." Jenson smiles back, and when the cameras stop rolling, he leans in closer. "Find us for the celebrations?" Sebastian looks at him, as handsome as he always was, aging like a fine wine, even better with age. Sebastian knows how Jenson tastes, though; and he is more of a beer man himself.

"Perhaps," he replies, and Jenson lets him go with a final squeeze of his hand.

He goes through all the obligatory procedures; he hugs more people than he will ever remember, and this is familiar too. Like an old reflex, it comes back, the exhilliration, the congratulations, the old song and dance which he knows from years ago; which he never could, or would, forget.

He hugs Charles around the waist when he comes to congratulate him. "I'm not free tonight," Charles says into his ear. "I'll make it up to you in Monaco," he says with twinkling eyes, and Seb has no doubt that he will. He sees Carlos waiting around, pointedly not looking at them, and smirks. "Be good for him," Seb whispers back, patting Charles on the cheek, and sees a reflection of his own smile in Charles'. Good, he thinks. You're finally learning. You're learning to always care less for them than they do for you. Good. "I'm always good, but I want to be the best," Charles says with that clumsy wink of his, and when Sebastian laughs, it's, surprisingly enough, genuine. "Find someone to take care of you good tonight" are Charles' parting words, and Sebastian smirks, knowing that won't be an issue.

He shakes hands, accepts congratulations, and then finally, Mick comes to him. He's beautiful, sweaty and red from the race, his fireproofs soaked with sweat. His eyes are a bit wild, and he looks like it wasn't Seb who won, but like he did. Genuine, Sebastian thinks. Mick is so genuine, and then he doesn't have time to think anymore because Mick throws himself into Seb's embrace. "You were amazing, amazing, congratulations, Sebastian," he speaks into Seb's skin, like he can't help himself, more overcome with emotion than Sebastian himself is. He smells good, and he hugs Seb tight, and he is good, and Seb can feel his brain turning.

"Thank you, Mick," he replies, and Mick doesn't let go. Mick always takes whatever affection Seb gives him, always holds on for as long as Sebastian will allow it. He always makes sure to be conscious of when he should back off, and Seb does give pretty obvious signals for when they get too close. Why, a thought pushes through, unbidden. Why do you still keep him away, when he is so desperate for you? Why, when you know he would give you everything, and even more, if you just let him?

Michael's face comes up then, but it's not - it doesn't hurt like it used to. Michael isn't here, he thinks. Michael isn't here, and you just won a race and a championship, and you knew you were going to win, and Michael isn't here.

What morals are you playing at, Sebastian, he hears the voice he's long ago heard, but never forgotten. An echo from the past; from eleven years ago, spoken in harsh German, but not a harsh tone. What morals are you holding onto, and does it even matter, when it's already too late, when you're standing this close?

"Sebastian," a voice says, and it takes him a moment to parse it from the voice in his head. It's too similar, and for a moment, the voices coalesce. He cranes his head back and opens his eyes, and the eyes looking into him are just different enough to cement what he knew was going to be inevitable sooner or later.

"Yes, Mick, I'm here," he says, and Mick's eyelashes flutter. "I'll text you after the circus, we can celebrate?" He makes sure to let his fingers brush against Mick's throat, and he sees the way Mick's eyes widen and he feels how he swallows, right underneath his fingertips. Mick has a nice throat, and Sebastian wants to squeeze it suddenly, or maybe see how it looks when it's full. He has no doubt Mick would let him.

"Oh," Mick says. "I thought - your friends, Jenson is here, and - Charles," Mick says, and Sebastian supresses a smile, because Mick cannot hide the flash of jealousy in his expression, or everything he's just inadvertedly revealed to Sebastian. Keep that jealousy, Sebastian thinks, remember it for when you have to fight him on the same team. He doesn't think he would begrudge Mick the title in red as much as he would begrudge Charles.

(He thinks he may begrudge it even more. He thinks retribution to it may be even sweeter. He thinks that, if he threads carefully enough, he may get to find out if he's right.)

"No, actually, I do have to meet some people, but," he bites his lip; a calculated movement that pays off when Mick's gaze gets stuck on it, "I just want to spend time with you."

It's worth it, to see Mick come to an understanding; to see blush in his cheeks and incresulousness mixed with happiness and relief in his gaze. Sebastian keeps his emotions out of his face, and when Mick nods and whispers "Okay, just - text me, I'll wait," he rewards him with another hug, making sure to step even closer this time, fitting his body against Mick's fully.

When Mick steps away, he is flushed, and Sebastian thinks he is beautiful, and good, and endearingly charming. (He thinks he cannot wait to see in all which ways he can ruin him.) He nods, and Mick steps away, and with a final squeeze on Seb's forearm, he walks away.

Sebastian watches him go, the movements of his body decisive, and thinks about Michael for one final time. He thinks about what is due, and what is just, and what is inevitable. He thinks about how, by now, he's paid off all his debts, all the ones he had to repay at least; and as for the rest, well. Fuck it.

Sebastian has just won, and he deserves a prize.

[whorekneecentral]

kinktober - day 3: corruption // s.v5

Sebastian Vettel x Fem!Reader 

Warnings: rbr!seb (he’s a warning by himself), alcohol and the consumption of, reader being way too innocent and seb has to do something about it, corruption, inexperienced reader, teasing, fingering, oral (m!receiving), penetrative sex, restraints (use of a belt), little bit of teasing from seb’s end. 

Word Count: 3,548

Author’s Note: okay if you’ve been here for a while, you know I loveeee me some rbr!seb so I had to do this one 

kinktober 2022 masterlist

---

Sebastian finds himself a pretty little girlfriend and can’t wait to ruin her innocence. 

He has won his second championship, the entirety of the RedBull Racing team was in some bar in São Paulo.

From the moment he crossed the checkered flag, the party had started. 

Sebastian was hoisted onto the shoulders of the crew as they carried him back from the podium, his race suit soaked in champagne while his team principal carried the big bottle of champagne and the trophy tucked in his arm as they cheered, shouting his name. 

It was music to his ears. 

Pride and joy filled his heart, ego through the fucking roof. 

Sebastian was on top of the world. 

There he stood in between the people in the very crowded bar, drinks being handed to him, hugs and congratulations being given, his name shouted from every direction. 

He struggled through the crowd, in need of a beer, not whatever everyone had been feeding him all night. 

Sebastian’s head spun, not from the alcohol - well partly that, but because of the woman at the counter. 

Her legs crossed one over the other, her arm resting on the counter, leaning forward as someone bumped into her back. She didn’t seem to mind the crowd or the noise or the smell. 

Surely, wearing a white dress wasn’t the wisest idea in a grimy bar like this.

Sebastian waves down the bartender, glancing over at you in the meantime. You were twirling the red straw in a glass with clear liquid - vodka perhaps ? 

“Yeah, a beer and one more of whatever she’s having,” he shouts over the noise of the bar, nodding towards you. Seb stood and waited for his beer, the bartender sliding it over and started on your drink. 

Imagine his surprise when the man behind the counter filled a glass with club soda, setting it in front of you. The man says something to you, pointing to Sebastian who was 2 feet away. 

You smile, lifting the glass as a thanks. He moves closer to you, “I don’t know anyone who comes to a bar to drink club soda,” he tells you, chucking behind a sip of his beer. 

“I don’t drink,” you inform the blonde man, as you look over at him. His eyes pull you closer, unable to tear yourself away from him. 

Even with all the noise, you can hear his accent; “Why are you here then?” 

“Came with a friend,” you finish off the rest of your original glass, moving to the one he sent over to you. 

Sebastian’s brows pull together trying to fit the puzzle together. 

How could a girl like you, who looked like an actual angel on earth, be friends with someone who comes to a place like this? 

“Can I ask why your friend brought you here?” “You ask a lot of questions.” 

He should probably be enjoying his night, drunk in the middle of the crowd, singing along to whatever song was playing at the time but he had already won, time for him to relax and you were sparking his interest more than anything else in there. 

“I’m a curious man.” 

“Clearly.” You smile. “She’s looking for some driver, I have no idea what he even looks like but she won’t stop babbling about him.” 

“Really? I hear most of them are at some fancy bar up town.” Sebastian tells you, you were blissfully unaware as to who he was. 

You shrug, “I don’t know, I’m ready to leave but I have no idea where she is.” You look around, the bar was so packed it wasn’t easy to find anyone in there, let alone a 5′0 woman in a bar full of people clearly over 5′5 feet. 

Sebastian sat beside you, “tell me about this guy.” 

“What ?” 

“The driver that she’s looking for.” 

“Oh right,” you take a sip of your soda. “Um, he’s German, I think his name is Sebastian? I'm not even completely sure to tell you the truth. She’s got a massive crush on him, it’s actually kinda cute.” You giggled. 

There’s some guy tugging on the man next to you, trying to usher him back to the crowd. He waves them off, telling them he’s coming in a second. 

“Can I give you my number?” The blonde man asks you. Very bold, you thought. 

“Why?” 

“Because I think you’re beautiful,” he wholeheartedly admits to you, “and if you have it, you get to decide what to do with it.” 

You hum, nodding. “Okay.” 

The man reaches for a napkin, scribbling down something on the little square before setting it in your hand. “I hope I hear from you.” He says, pressing a kiss to your cheek before walking off. 

You were shocked, this guy was so bold. 

Glancing down at the paper, there’s a phone number and a name. 

987-462-5005 -Sebastian Vettel. 

No fucking way. 

You turn around so fast, you probably gave yourself whiplash but he's already disappeared into the crowd. 

There was no point in searching for him, it’s nearly impossible to find anyone in there. 

You should just stay where you are and wait for your friend. 

So you did just that, waiting at your spot for her until she drunkenly stumbles over to you, catching herself on your shoulder. “Are you okay?” You ask, it was close to 2 in the morning, you hadn't even realized. Abby was beyond drunk and she had driven there. “Where are your keys?” You feel her pockets but no luck, she must have lost them somewhere. The bar had started to clear up, but you still weren’t sure how you were going to get the two of you back to the hotel. 

The blonde catches your eye, and you turn to make sure your sleep deprived eyes aren’t deceiving you. “Sebastian?!” You call from across the bar, the man instantly looking your way. 

The music was off because the bar was closing in half an hour so the only noise was people chatting, trying to sober up and find a way home. 

Sebastian was confused as to who was calling his name. Almost all, if not all of the girls that had come with them left a while back. He turns, the pretty girl in the white dress looking over at him with a very drunk person clinging to her - must be the friend with the crush. 

He finds himself moving towards you before he could even process the sound of his name falling from your lips. 

“Angel, what's wrong?” He says, meeting you halfway. 

The nickname sends you into a spiral. 

“I uh- Abby lost her keys and I have no idea where her purse is and I can't drive if I don’t have the keys but we need to get back to the hotel and I can’t get a cab with no cash and I-” “Hey, hey.” Seb stops you, resting a hand on your hip. “It's okay, take a breath sweetheart.” 

He glanced around, whoever was left there from the team was more than capable of finding their way home or at least that’s what he was telling himself. 

You, on the other hand, were not. 

“Okay, c’mon.” Sebastian takes your arm, pulling you along with him. Abby was clinging to your other arm, the girl stumbling along. “Sebastian, where are we-” 

“I’m making sure you two get home,” he walks you out the bar, towards a very expensive looking car in the parking lot. 

You were just hoping Abby doesn't throw up on the ride back to the hotel, how would you ever live it down? 

This car probably costs more than your life. 

He opens the back door, helping you get Abby into the car. God, this was ridiculous; the man she came looking for was taking her home and she was too drunk to even know. 

The moonlight reflected down on São Paulo, Sebastian looking at you like you held the moon in the palm of your hand. 

“You don’t have to do this, I can figure-” “Angel, please.” He stops you, “let me take care of you,” his blue eyes meet yours, and you bite your tongue, everything in you wanted to jump on this man but self restraint of course. 

The word came out in a whisper, barely audible over the noisy streets. “Okay.” 

Sebastian opens the door for you, letting you get in before shutting the door. You give him the address, he instantly recognizes that it’s the same hotel he’s staying at. 

How has he not run into you before? Surely, he’d remember you. 

The drive back was quiet, Seb drove as smoothly as you could expect an F1 driver to drive, avoiding any potholes so as to not wake the sleeping girl in the backseat. He helps you get Abby out the car - she was really earning herself a good talking too in the morning. The 2 of you staying on the 5th floor, Sebastian was kind enough to go as far as helping you get back to her room. He waited outside as you put her to bed, leaving some headache tablets and a trash can with water. 

There’s some groaning, he can’t tell if that’s you or her but never did you lose your patience with her and even if you did, he had no idea. 

When you stepped out, you weren't expecting to meet Sebastian again. 

“Oh, sorry. If I knew you were waiting, I would have sped up,” You tell him, shutting her door quietly. 

“You’re not staying with her?” He glances between you and the door, “no, I’m down the hall.” 

“Let me walk you,” his hand rests on your lower back as you two began walking. “You’ve done enough, really. Thank you but I'm-” “Angel-” You cut him off this time. 

“I have a name, just by the way.” You smile, making him chuckle. “You didn’t tell me, darling.” 

“You didn’t ask, Sebastian.” 

“You know mine,” “You left it on the napkin.” You two reach your door quicker than you liked but you open the door, stepping through the door before you turn back to him. Sebastian’s hand was on the door, keeping it open. You tell him your name.

Sebastian’s eyes were fixed on you, your hair undone and flowing down behind your back, the way the dress hugged your figure or how your eyes wandered over him innocently. 

You wanted something; what was it? He wasn’t sure but god, did he want to find out.

“Do you- would you, maybe, want to come in?” You glance at him, looking back down, suddenly feeling a lot shyer than before. 

Sebastian smiles, shifting to lean all his weight onto one leg, his head tilted slightly. “What for?” 

You pause, you didn't think that far. You just didn’t want him to go. “We didn’t have a proper conversation.” You fib, giving him a small smile. 

“Okay,” Sebastian steps into your room, letting the door shut behind him.

His boyish charm gets the best of him, or rather, his teenager curiosity that’s yet to leave him, and he picks up the red bikini top that was laying on top of your suitcase. “This yours?” 

You take the top from him, “yes,” bending over to toss it into your suitcase. Seb’s eyes wandering to your ass, the blue panties peeking out from under the hem of your dress. 

He exhales, biting the inside of his cheek. “Can't imagine you wearing that.” He calls, sitting on the edge of your bed. 

“You imagine what I've been wearing?” You ask, still by the suitcase a few feet away. 

Sebastian chuckles, “that came out wrong, angel.” “Why do you keep calling me that ? You know my name now.” 

“You look like an angel.” Sebastian states, eyeing the white dress. 

You glance at the man, his eyes burning holes into you, undressing you in his mind with each passing second. “I’m sure that’s not true,”

“Well, you don’t drink, don’t smoke, I'm sure you’ve never done a lot of stuff.”

“I have done stuff,” You say, finally walking over to stand across from him. 

“Yeah?” Seb smiles, “like what?” 

Shrugging, you look over at the driver. “I’m sure you've had sex.” He says plainly and for some reason, you laugh. There’s no way he’s asking you about your sex life right now; not that there was much of one anyways. “Was it good?” 

God, he asks so many questions. 

“I mean,” you pause, partly out of embarrassment but also because you weren’t really sure how to answer his question. “It was only one time, so I don’t really have anything to compare it to.” 

Sebastian felt like his eyes were going to fall out of his head. This beautiful, amazing, sweet, innocent - oh, how you were so innocent and sweet - girl had never been truly shown a good time. 

He couldn’t help himself. 

He had to do something about this. 

“Tell me sweetheart, did he make you cum?” 

Your eyes widen; what did he just ask you? -“Did he.. what?” 

Sebastian’s blue eyes meet yours, his gaze alone making you squirm in your spot. “Did he make you cum?” He asks once more, holding his focus on you. 

“I mean,” you can't help but laugh, this is ridiculous. You felt like you were in a poorly scripted porno right now. “I guess he did.” 

“If you have to guess,” Sebastian starts, pulling you by the hip to stand between his legs. “Then he probably didn’t.” 

Your eyes met his blue ones, Sebastian dragging his finger up the side of your thigh, the white fabric bunched over his hand. “Can I try something ?” He's already tugging on the side of your panties. You can’t bring yourself to speak but you nod, eyes never leaving his. 

Soon enough, the lacy blue fabric pools by your ankles and Seb uses his hand to push your legs apart just enough that he can slide his hand between your legs. 

Sebastian’s finger presses against your clit softly and the whimper that slips past your lips sounds like heaven on earth to him. 

“Is this okay, angel ?” 

You nod but the look he was giving yours enough for you to know that he wants a verbal answer. “Yes Sebastian.” 

“Good girl,” he whispers, leaning forward to kiss you and in that moment, he pushes a finger into you. He gives you a second to adjust before adding another one, the sounds slipping past your lips are muffled by his lips on yours. He curls his fingers, feeling the thickness of his fingers before moving them slowly. It only lasted a few seconds before you could feel the knot in your lower stomach. 

“Sebastian-” “I know,” he whispers, kissing you. “I’m here,” he tells you, other hand resting on your lower back as you basically fell against him, his fingers now being wiped on the inside of your thighs. 

He watches as your fingers trail down the front of his shirt, sliding under the hem of it. Seb takes that as his hint to take it off, tossing it on the floor somewhere. Your hand wanders further down, brushing over the cold metal of his belt. 

“On your knees,” he tells you, pushing you back a little so you have space. You’ve dropped down to your knees, looking up at the man in front of you. 

How did you end up here? 

Sebastian undoes his belt and the button, “open.” 

Your brows furrow, cheeks red and your eyes fixed on anything but him. He holds your chin, pulling your focus back to him. “I said open your mouth.” 

Without hesitation, your mouth opens and you’re looking up at him once again. Sebastian slaps your tongue with his cock softly, waiting for a reaction. The slight curve of your lips was enough for him to know it was okay. A hand tangled in your hair, pulling and pushing you, setting the pace. 

The stifled gag was enough for him to pull back, giving you a moment to catch your breath. “I’ve never..” you let out a breath, eyes watery as you try to blink away the tears. “Is it okay? Am I doing it right?” you hesitantly ask. 

Seb’s head tilts slightly, looking down at you with eyes full of amazement; in that moment, he was wondering how he got so lucky - a second championship and now he gets to spend his night with you. “You’ve never done this?” He asks you, his thumb brushing around your wet lips. 

You shook your head and Sebastian smiled. 

He gets to be the one to ruin you. 

“You’re doing so good for me, you’re perfect angel.” He tells you, his free hand wiping the saliva away from your chin. “C’mere,” Seb helps you up off the ground, turning you around to tug on the zipper of your dress. You can feel his hand burning into your skin, his eyes undressing you before he actually does. 

The white fabric bunches around your ankles, Sebastian bends you over the bed. His hand on your lower back as he lines himself up with you. “You okay?” He asks, “it’s not too late to stop.” 

“No!” You answer a little too quickly, earning a smile from the man behind you. “No, please. Don’t stop.” 

Sebastian takes that as his signal to push into you, hand pressed your lower back, keeping you flat against the mattress. Both of you needed a second, the feeling overwhelming. 

“Seb?” 

“Yeah angel?” 

“Move.. please.” You breathe, his hand moving from your back to rest over yours as he starts to move. 

Sebastian’s chest was pressing to your arched back, hand now wrapped around your throat, “so good for me angel, so fucking perfect. Do you know how good you feel?” 

You can barely hold yourself up, let alone answer him. Something resembling a no mixed with a moan slipped past our lips. You can feel him moving around behind you, there's a slap followed by stinging on your ass; he slapped it. 

“On the bed,” Seb gives you a light shove, causing you to land on your face before you pull yourself up into your knees. Sebastian had moved to sit with his back against the headboard before he pats his thigh, you find yourself moving to sit on his lap before he says anything. 

There’s something cold brushing against your knee, you glance down to see his belt on the bed. You look between the belt and him, “what are you doing that?” 

“Do you trust me?” He asks, slowly moving your hands in front of you. 

You nod, his glance was enough for you to correct yourself, “yes Sebastian.” 

He wraps the belt around your wrists a few times, looping it through itself before giving it a tug. “Too tight?” He asks, pulling you up a little. 

“No,” you look down to see him lining himself up with you, letting you sink back down onto him. Your hands pressed to his chest, unable to move them or grab on him. 

Sebastian takes his time guiding you, hands on your hips to rock you back and forth, helping you bounce on his lap. “You’re so prefect,” 

“You mentioned,” you breathe, leaning forward on him. 

He pushes you to sit up again, “sit properly, I want to see you.” His lips find your neck, a hand wrapped around your wrists as he leaves a mark on your neck. He moves to your collarbone, trailing down to your chest, biting and leaving behind little marks before he comes back up to kiss you. 

“Fuck, do that again.” He mumbles against your lips, feeling you clench around him. 

Sebastian undoes the belt, letting you move your hands finally. Soon enough he can feel your hands on his shoulders, letting you set your own pace, bouncing on his cock as your nails dug into the back of his shoulders; surely leaving behind red marks. 

His own hands digging into your hips hard enough to leave behind their own marks but that was the least of your concern right now. 

“Sebastian,” you whimper, forehead pressed to his. Seb rests a hand behind your neck, pulling you back slightly. 

“Look at me,” he tells you, kissing you softly. You both knew the other was equally as close, orgasm on the verge of happening. His hand shifted to grab your chin, pulling your focus back to him. “Look at me when you cum.” 

His words were enough to push you over the edge, Sebastian following quickly after you. 

You collapse on him, Sebastian shifting to lay on the bed and lets you lay on top of him. He rubs along your back softly, kissing along your shoulder. 

“You okay?” He whispers. 

“I think..” you left out a breath, “I think you broke me.” 

Sebastian laughs, flipping you two over so he was on top of you. “Good, that was the goal, angel.” He kisses you before letting you move to rest your chest on his chest. 

“You don’t have to stay,” you glance at him. “I will, is that okay?” He asks. 

You smile at him, “more than okay.” 

-------

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[vro0m]

Ok I have one. Explain to me a very basic, level 1 concept of F1. Like. The most simple way. Everyone should know this but I don't.

Hi Sae 💕 I set out to explain simply a very basic level 1 concept of F1 and ended up writing you an essay, I hope you don't mind. I can't help myself but infodump.

If you ask people what's most important in F1, chances are they'll tell you about the cars, the engines, the aerodynamics, the driver's talent but I'm here to argue that some of the most decisive and/or exciting moments the sport has given us to see were down to : relationships.

You always, always have to do better than your teammate (an unnecessarily long essay by vro0m)

I wanna preface this by saying I'm unfortunately missing a chunk of good examples because although I've been, as most of you know, watching Lewis' entire career from the start I've not yet seen 2016-2018 but it doesn't matter.

Introduction :

As you know, F1 is made of 10 teams, and each team has 2 drivers. It also awards 2 titles per season. One is the World Constructors' Championship, hereby referred to as WCC, that is won by a team, as per the points both of their drivers earned combined. The other one is the World Drivers' Championship, hereby referred to as WDC, which, as the name suggests, is awarded to the driver who's won the most points over the season.

This unique feature creates one of the most complicated networks of relationships in the world of sports, because each team wants the most points aka for both their drivers to do well VS. each driver wants to do better than his teammate. They have to work together to help the team, but they have to work against one another to help themselves.

It's a recipe for angst and drama, and god knows we love it.

It's also very much a key feature of the sport, and you can find examples of it influencing the way events unfold in all eras, although I will focus only on the years I have myself seen.

Teammates, rivalries, and egos :

Take the very famous Multi-21 drama. Mark Webber joins the young Red Bull Racing team in 2007. His teammate is David Coulthard, a veteran who's soon to retire. Webber was a midfield driver, who got his hands on a new, midfield team seat and must have thought he was set for life. Who knows, the team might even get better? But in 2009 the stars align and shine not on him but on young, golden-haired Sebastian Vettel, his new teammate, who ran into him once before in 2007 during his first season, after what Webber called him "a kid" and blamed his lack of experience.

Indeed Sebastian is a decade younger, brazen and moving through the ranks about as fast as the rocketship RBR has suddenly managed to put together. It's his third year in F1, against Webber's eighth, and he finishes 2nd in the WDC, not one, but two ranks ahead of him.

In 2010, they collide again during the Turkish GP, while Webber is in the lead and Vettel tries to overtake him, sparking controversy over the team's management of the drivers. Webber finished 3rd and Seb had to retire from the race. But it didn't matter in the end, because that year, he won his first WDC, and RBR won their first WCC. And then again in 2011. And then again in 2012. The blond kid turns out to be the golden goose.

And Webber is pissed. Because as a driver, when your team puts together a winning car, you don't have a good excuse for not winning the title anymore. All there is to it is that he's not as good as his teammate, and that's the worst thing a driver can be in F1. You always, always have to do better than your teammate. Even when your team is last. Why? Because you're in the same car. Your teammate is the gauge of your actual driving skills. If you end up behind another team's driver, you can always say his car was better. There's no hiding your shortcomings when it's your teammate. Even less so when the spotlights are shining on you.

So what does he do? Work his ass off? Train? Study the car better? No. He blames management. Right from 2010, as soon as he realised who he was up against, even though he was leading for most of the season, he claims RBR is giving Seb the preferential treatment.

Team principals :

See, that's the third angle of that love/hate triangle. Driver-driver-team principal.

If you're a team principal, your drivers are a constant headache because chances are they fucking hate each other. Might or might not be okay off track, but as soon as they sit their asses in the cars, they most probably hate each other. And the more your team wins, the more they hate each other! Backmarker teams usually have rather minimal internal drama because what are you fighting about? P19? But when you start winning... boy oh boy.

Because that's the whole point, right? You're more or less happy to be a team player when there's not much on the line for you (although as stated earlier, you still wanna finish ahead of your teammate). But when you're in a winning car??? That might be your only chance to win a WDC in your whole life. Better seize it. Better fucking win. Better run your teammate off the track as you do it because he now also has a winning car.

Back to the team principal. You don't care which one of your drivers finishes first, as long as your team finishes first. You know what doesn't help teams finish first? Drivers crashing into each other while racing for the win, like Webber and Vettel in 2010.

Enter team orders.

Team orders... or not :

Team orders are exactly what they sound like : the team is ordering their drivers to act a certain way, whether they like it or not, because the team is looking out for the team and the drivers are looking out for themselves. It's the team being a stern parent and getting a grip on its rowdy children. No more games. Now you sit down and obey. Now you're also looking out for the team. After all, we're paying you.

Team orders are controversial, because nowadays when a team is good, a team is usually dominating. Hence there's no real racing at the front, the dominating team's drivers finish first and second most of the time. So if you don't let them race, and they have no real competition, then there's really nothing to watch, and it gets boring. Team orders are also controversial because it doesn't give the other driver a chance.

That same year, Lewis Hamilton joins a then "best of the rest" team. Upper midfield, if you will. Lewis and his new teammate, Nico Rosberg, are childhood karting friends who are finally living their shared dream of being F1 teammates. And Mercedes takes a different path. A risky path. They decide that their drivers can race each other. They claim it pushes them to do better. Rivalries drive people, right? As much as your teammate is a gauge, he's a benchmark. You always, always have to do better than your teammate.

But you don't give a shit, you're a team principal. Doesn't matter in which order your cars arrive. As far as you're concerned, your cars are first, out of all the other teams' cars. So you give team orders. You protect your 1-2 finish. Better believe Horner was fucking pissed when his drivers crashed in 2010.

(Now, not always. Not all the teams. There was a time Mercedes let their drivers race for real, for real. We'll get to it.)

RBR tried it the stern parent way. It doesn't always work though. Malaysia 2013. Mark Webber is leading the race. Sebastian Vettel is second. They have about 10 seconds on the Mercedes, there's no threat on the horizon. "Multi-21," they are told. That's team orders for you guys are finishing in that order. That's stern parent for fall in line and bring home the 1-2. Webber is obedient, of course, he's in the lead. His goal aligns with the team's goal. But Seb is a brat, and his goal is not P2. The tensions have been piling up for several years now. While his elder relaxes in the lead, reassured by the team orders, Seb doubles down, attacks, and overtakes him for the lead. Fuck your team orders. Fuck Webber. Although he claims the relationship didn't impact his decision, Webber quits F1 at the end of the season.

The team is actually doing really well, finishing 2nd in the WCC. Lewis finishes 4th, Nico 6th. The challenge is set. And in 2014, new regulations, new cars, the racing gods smile down on Mercedes like they did RBR in 2010, and they get a fucking rocketship for the next eight years. We're in a dominating situation, mostly. They had some competition, but most of the fighting was, in the end, infighting. It's the brocedes era. The most brilliant example of the complexities of F1 team relationships.

At first, it's exhilarating, racing each other at the front. But it's like Icarus and the sun, you cannot lose sight of the goal. Because you can't win and have a friend. From using engine modes they weren't supposed to use to try to beat each other, to controversial pole positions that might or might not have been won by cheating, Lewis ends up calling an end to their friendship only a third of the way through their second season together. And then, it's Mercedes' version of the 2010 RBR drama : Nico collides with Lewis, costing the team the 1-2. Turns out all the F1 roads lead to drama.

Lewis wins in 2014. Mercedes wins in 2014. Lewis wins in 2015. Mercedes wins in 2015. Nico wins in 2016. Mercedes wins in 2016. But Nico is so frayed by the rivalry, he quits. Just like Webber.

Now what? Mercedes tried it the other way and they got the same results RBR did. Many wins, and one driver short.

Toto Wolff hires Valtteri Bottas. And Bottas is the final example of F1 relationships because he's the sacrificial lamb on the altar of Lewis' career. It's the last concept we'll talk about today : first and second drivers.

First and second drivers :

See the last, and arguably most common, solution to the thorny team VS. teammate problem is to have, more or less explicitly, but mostly less, a first and a second driver. Which means, as a team principal, your order of priorities goes team > driver 1 > driver 2. It simplifies things for you because you don't have to juggle your drivers, favouring one over the other and then the other over the one, to keep them both happy and obedient and not crashing into each other, like Mercedes had to at some point to try to tame the intra-team war the Lewis-Nico situation quickly evolved into. They thought they had a spark, they ended up with a forest fire.

But does it, really, simplify things? No. Because you always, always have to do better than your teammate. No driver is in it for the team. They're all in it for themselves. They put up with the team because they have to. If the team doesn't support them, well... Why would they support the team? And that's why they end up ignoring team orders. See, although Webber did it (as long as he was in the lead, anyway) most drivers will not ever admit to being a second driver. Think Perez pretending RBR supports his fight for the title. Why? Well my friend, because you always, always have to do better than your teammate. They will never admit that the whole team decided that their teammate is the one they should back, at their own cost.

And that's just another source of resentment, right? They hate the team for not backing them up, and they hate their teammate because he's better. On top of it, they can't vent openly about it because it would be admitting that they're the second choice. So amp up team radio drama and internal problems shushed behind closed doors.

Now that's not what Valtteri did, actually, surprisingly. Valtteri thought he had a chance, but he didn't. First of all because Lewis is practically untouchable as I mentioned in another essay, but also because his seat was built on the ashes of Nico's. There was no way they were letting the situation get that out of hand again. Enough with the permissive parenting. Turns out Mercedes is not the fun dad after all.

Valtteri is good. But Lewis is great. Valtteri doesn't have the kind of record sheet Lewis does. Choosing a first and a second driver is not so much a thought-through decision than common sense. Mercedes' management most probably didn't sit down at a table and write it down. It just... was. Valtteri never got close to winning the title. And I know I've said it before but it's truly a wonder he didn't start hating Lewis for it. For being the second driver. Oh it did damage, don't get me wrong, but most drivers externalise such things rather than internalise them like he did. But eventually you can only sacrifice yourself for so long. Again, none of them are in it for the team. Valtteri was a perfect second driver, he obeyed, he didn't create drama, and he pushed himself to the point of exhaustion trying to catch up to Lewis to beat him the right way. Some people might argue he's not selfish enough for F1. I'll argue at least he's a decent human being. It might even have worked with a different teammate, but it was Lewis.

So he left. Now he's not stepping on podiums anymore but he is better than his teammate. And you always, always have to do better than your teammate.

[yesloulou]

pleaseee sort all drivers, i am here for this crossover!

thank u for this ask i had so much fun i acc made a lil graph for it lol

first of all. daniel is a slytherin 100%!!! see tags on this post:

max -> hufflepuff: he's hard working (training in the rain) he's patient (waiting all those yrs at rb for a winning car) he's loyal (actually said he'll retire at rbr) and he's extremely fair (ad 22 when he refused to block charles to help checo his teammate get p2 in wdc)

(my chirlie mutual started hate shipping lestappen after this lol)

checo -> hufflepuff:the fact that his loyalty still lies with force india/racing point to this day... also the fact that he's able to maintain a surprisingly good relationship w daniel even though every day 20730847 articles come out talking about daniel taking his seat?? (according to c horner max and checo actually get on better when daniel is there). i feel like this is bc checo is a compassionate person (he had been in daniel's shoes in 2020) and he sees that it's fair daniel will ofc take the chance if he's able to get his old rb seat back.

charles -> slytherin: 1. the ambition of envisioning himself driving for ferrari since he was like a fetus 2. the being comfortable with lying for the greater good 3. the following jules his god father who was a first gen FDA driver pretty much step by step (heritage) 4. and the resourcefulness of getting himself endorsed by the Todt's at age 14.. that mouse is a slytherin!!! in fact. did you know he's affectionately known among the italian tifosi as 'viperella 🐍'? plz refer this brilliant scholarship by @dhufflebee.

carlos -> hufflepuff: when he said 'i was very good i was very fast today' with barely suppressed tears.... when he said his penalty was 'not deserved it is TOO SEVERE i said please please please please to wait to wait until the race is finished and speak to me'........ that was a man trembling w rage bc he was treated unfairly and his hard work was not valued

lewis -> ravenclaw: he's obviously either ravenclaw or slytherin and i think the fact that he likes to distance himself from his peers a lil bit to focus on racing puts him in the former. also whenever he's asked about things happening on the grid (daniel losing his seat, seb's retirement...) i get a feeling that he's very cordial yet doesn't get involved all that much.

george -> slytherin: you would think he has a similar family background to lando's bc of the extra posh accent he maintains and the way he dresses so well... wrong. you're actually looking at a man who values heritage more than you might think. he's ambitious and prepared and driven yet subtle about it (suffered all those years in williams for the merc oppurtinity). he's also a very prideful person imo (see: flipping vb the bird immediately after portugal 21 crash). slytherin thru and thru

fernando -> slytherin: next

lance -> ravenclaw: i can see the slytherin argument bc he comes from money but i feel like he values truths and facts more than he is prideful or unrelenting. see: fact checking max over 180 cm height (where the iconic 'he claims that?' came from). see also: 'ask george about my vegas tag junior win in 2012.. ask him about it.. yeah hahaha ask him about it...' also he has a certain calmness and resignation that comes from valuing facts and observations above else. see:

lando -> slytherin: i love him but the amount of times he whined on the radio so mcalren would team order daniel to maintain position and not fight..... the cunningness, the being comfortable with exaggerating his situations to his engineer... the benefiting from his heritage (the millions of pounds of norris money injected into mclaren).. the resourcefulness of somehow getting z brown involved with his personal brand quadrant which subsequently established mclaren and himself as a package deal... he's a slytherin. he makes fernando alonso proud.

esteban -> ravenclaw: idk esteban that well but the fact that he used to count checo's sins to every media post race back when they were teammates at racing point, then go on twitter with receipts knowing full well it wouldn't change a thing bc checo had the sponsors he didn't... este speaks with facts and he embodies ravenclaw's signature 'resigned cynics'

(the 'perez tried to kill me 2 times!' 😭)

pierre -> gryffindor: suzuka 22 post race where he hesitated but then started talking about jules anyway ("i don't think what happened today was respectful towards jules and his family"). he got a very heavy handed penalty from the fia afterwards which to me feels retaliating. that's a very brave boy. also he is not afraid to show his temper (example) and doesn't easily back down (the alleged shouting match with, and i kid you not, adrian newey). he is very gryffindor.

yuki -> gryffindor: he's obviously passion driven, hence temper <3. also i think the fact that he and pierre became such good friends despite being teammates and having incidents on track rlly speaks for how much they trust and are loyal to each other

alex -> hufflepuff: idk alex that well but the whole concept of drs train conductor is so very hufflepuff coded. i worked hard i was patient i dragged my tractor in front of yours so you're not overtaking me. it's all fair game.

logan -> slytherin: i mean obviously this was taken right outside of their commom room

– end –

p.s. shout out to @tyrannosaurus-maxy for organizing the sort the grid polls you're truly our trend setter!!! ✨

[wanderingblindly]

Hi there, I might be kind of obsessed with the idea of rbr charles or rbr lestappen so I need to hear the thoughts of some people who might not be in the "lestappen gate 2023" bubble as I am :)) Do you think this can actually happen and become reality? And please be honest. Thank you! :)

omg hi I'm so sorry that you've asked possibly the most verbose person to talk about this, but anyways --

In my opinion, it's highly unlikely but not impossible.

There are three main components to consider here: Red Bull, Max, and Charles (all discussed below the cut in painstaking detail)

Red Bull Racing

Red Bull has invested an insane amount money into Max -- he's the present and future of the team. Therefore, any decisions that Red Bull makes will be weighed heavily against how it affects Max. I split Red Bull's main decision making points into three categories:

Ability to keep Max happy: I'll expand on this in Max's section, but basically I believe Red Bull will want a second driver that keeps Max happy until his 2028 contract renewal -- on whatever terms that means for him.

Willingness to play 2nd fiddle: Although Red Bull has had intense teammate dynamics before (Seb/Mark, Max/Daniel), there's definitely more risk when intentionally stepping away from the obvious first/second driver dynamic. Taking a midfield driver like Checo -- someone who's never going to threaten Max -- makes sense in that regard. Someone like Charles, who could theoretically bring the heat to Max in quali and in a race, poses the question: Is that an amount of risk Red Bull wants to take on (cough cough taking each other out cough)? Horner said he believed that Daniel was "running from a fight" when he left Red Bull -- so maybe it's a risk he doesn't mind.

Someone consistent enough to get Red Bull 1st and 2nd: Obviously a total sweep is the goal for a team at the height of their dominance, both on race day and in the overall points. This is where Checo has famously struggled (we've had an astonishing lack of RBR 1/2 podiums and his quali results are universally laughed at). It's also where one could make the strongest case for Charles. Charles is a known competitor in an inconsistent car; he's strong in qualifying, has produced significant race results, and has a demonstrated amount of internal drive. All things that Checo lacks in regards to producing points for the team. If Horner were to pick someone not in the RBR program for a second driver, someone with Charles's ability to handle disaster without losing his resolve? Highly attractive.

Some may say that Horner is more likely to take someone from RBR to fill the second seat. While there is a great selection, Red Bull doesn't have a demonstrated history of actually using it's development program to promote to Red Bull. So. Get fucked I guess lmao.

Max Verstappen

In most teams, I don't think a driver would have much say on who gets signed for the second seat. However, considering Max is Red Bull, I think his voice would carry significant weight.

I break his motivations down into two sections:

How he defines 'good racing' + need for competition: Love or hate Max, I think it's pretty uncontested that most of his opinions stem from his desire for good, competitive, interesting racing. One also cannot underestimate how intensely drivers crave competition -- they're adrenaline junkies at the top of their game. Therefore, Max's willingness to play along with RBR Charles will depend on if he thinks the best competitive racing is derived from intra-team or inter-team fights. I could see an argument for either: comparing top talent in the same machinery, or a battle of which team (not driver) will come out on top. Hard to say, to be honest. I think it's also important to consider that Max has broken an unfathomable amount of records this season almost entirely uncontested; I'd wager that it's stoked a need for real competition in him (hence why he seems so elated after any battle with Charles or Lando). He's made comments that he wants Charles in a more competitive car, but I don't think he meant that to come at his own expense. I think Max would prefer traditional competition (he's a bit of a traditionalist), meaning inter-team.

Maturity + ability to handle an internal threat: Max has (arguably lol) matured since he last had a competitive teammate. Whether or not Max agrees to a top-tier teammate again will depend on his confidence; does he truly believe he'll beat him every time? Is it worth the risk to feel pushed to his limits? Has he won enough that returning to a true fight is the next goal? How will he handle that? I'm inclined to say that Max would rather be the golden boy of his team -- unthreatened. It seems like he'd rather have competition coming from external sources (see: him not following team orders in regards to Checo).

Charles Leclerc

I don't think it's likely that Charles's desire to win has yet outweighed the Ferrari mythos/personal connection. That said, I don't think it's unlikely that it will eventually. Especially considering how distraught he's been this season -- it certainly could be a catalyst. That said, the following criteria is based on the assumption that Charles would even want to leave Ferrari, which I don't entirely believe atm:

Immediate desire to win: The thing that will push Charles away from Ferrari is probably not personal, it's professional. Charles is a hyper-competitive athlete in a hyper-competitive league; he doesn't have infinite time to wait on Ferrari if he truly wants to win now. Red Bull has a demonstrated history of success and strong team infrastructure (engineering, pit crew, pit wall strategy, etc.). If he wanted to make a move purely based on professional interest, Red Bull would be the team based on current standings. He could go to a team comparable to Ferrari (McLaren, Mercedes, AM), but that would be riskier on an immediate horizon.

Belief that he can beat Max: I believe that every F1 driver probably thinks they could beat anyone else if given equal machinery (and practice in said machinery). It's a sport entirely based on self-assuredness in the car, after all. Charles would only be willing to make the leap if he truly believes he could beat Max on his home turf -- which would be an insane demonstration of confidence, but maybe not as far fetched as some may think. I do wonder if his time at Ferrari has been a hit to his resolve, though?

Willingness to play 2nd driver: If Charles is going to move to Red Bull, a team with an established golden child at the peak of his career, he'll have to be willing to potentially play 2nd driver. Unless he delivers insane results fairly immediately, it's highly likely that Red Bull will always favor Max when it comes to things like team orders, strategy, etc. Plus, he and Max are the same age -- it's not like George who may get to stay at Mercedes long after Lewis relinquishes the 1st driver seat. Again, I think this ties back to Charles's assessment of his abilities against Max's; I do think this is a significant risk though.

In conclusion, I think that Red Bull's motivations factor as a "maybe", Max factors as a "maybe leaning no", and Charles as a "maybe leaning no".

[skitskatdacat63]

if u’re still doing these… top 5 most insane martian moments.

Sry for the late response, I really had to think on it! But these have been pretty fun to do so thank you!! <3

1. The entirety of Monaco 2010

Any Monaco celebration has a special place in my heart as you probably well know! But just Monaco 2010 as an entirety is insane to me, to name a few: the matching Porsches...their parc ferme hug...Seb trying and failing to pull Mark into the pool...them jumping into the harbor together and Seb having to pull Mark up onto the dock, MONACO REALLY GAVE US SO MUCH 🤧 but also this race being the calm before the storm, like seeing them be all cute with each other but then knowing how the season ends and how things continue to proceed after that

2. Their Singapore 2008 date

Always holds a special place on my heart. Just that we have so many pictures and even footage(!!!) of their PR mandated date in a time where this kind of thing wasn't really common yet. The caption of the YouTube vid "Mark Webber and Sebastian Vettel share an evening in Singapore" 😵‍💫 and I also think often about this comment on that vid calling Seb a "kleine Mädchen." I just think it's very cute. Giggly STR Seb and older gruff RBR Mark, not yet affected by teammate tensions

3. Japan 2007

I think its always very interesting the foreshadowing you can read into while watching older races. I love that Martian were always on an inevitable collision course. Like imagine being Mark and that rookie who crashed into the back of you then goes to win a race before you and then becomes your teammate and then becomes wdc. That they were on this collision course before they even became teammates and Seb had barely been in the sport yet. And LIKE that quote from Mark about Seb about "kids with no experience" and Seb crying in his garage, crazy.

4. Turkey 2010

I have such a fondness for "WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING HERE!? WHAT A STUPID ACTION! I'M GOING HOME! FUCK YOU!"(to the point where my friends who know nothing about f1 know about that quote by proxy bcs I quote it so much") I think it's interesting how much Martian's conflicts revolve around team orders and disobeying radios. It's funny bcs in Turkey 2009, a very similar situation to both Turkey 2010 and Malaysia 2013 happens, them telling Seb to stay behind Mark bcs of whatever reasons. And in 2009, Seb is clearly 🫤 about it but obeys but then goes on to try to overtake Mark in 2010 and fails, but then succeeds in 2013, very interesting to see how that dynamic evolves and grows more toxic! But by far the best part about Turkey 2010 is them having to take that "Us in our Get-Along T-Shirt" pic 😭 it's so funny and I wish they'd do press releases like this nowadays

5. That Monaco 2021 interview where Mark interjects about knowing the meaning behind the coins in Seb's race boots

It's just very sweet to me. There's some post about it on here that explains how meaningful it is, but I don't feel like searching for it, so I'm kinda just paraphrasing that. But like imagine them having a conversation where Seb explains it to Mark and the meaning behind it, and like probably a decade later, Mark still remembers it in perfect detail, enough to remember about the specificities about which coin goes in which boot and why.

Obligatory mentions: Malaysia 2013 of course(but I wanted to mention others, but Multi-21 is a given when considering crazy Martian moments), Australia 2016 podium, Mark's various Instagram forays during Seb's retirement, that one interview where Mark grabs Seb from behind while Love Will Tear Us Apart plays, when Seb sat on Mark's shoulders, anything of them from Abu Dhabi 2022, etc etc

[nyan-koii]

I have a confession .. I’ve been obsessing over Seb’s body so much 😭😭 specifically these shots are so..

My reviews of the pics :3

1. first of all the shirt - too big and almost down to his elbows. It is like pressed against his stomach so it’s FLAT and legs and arms are soo tiny 😭😭 like little pookie get off that football field y need to be in bed w mark and Jense rn

2. .. no words honestly he’s just so tiny and manhandable. Like I can just imagine Seb just being moved around by the mechanics, being in the way unknowingly and they just wrap their hands around his entire upper arm and picks him up and moves him idk. Like the mechanics groping him and like just touching him makes my brain go brrr. Also anyone on the 2010 grid with big hands like Fernando, Robert, ofc mark and Jenson just like moving him around and finding out just how tiny he is and UGHHH

3. IH MY GODDDD his arms are soo fucking tiny compared to Mark’s and I can’t like formulate words.. like it’s half the size of his. Idc if it’s the angle or not that man is a TWINK and he needs to be fucked and grabbed and chocked and-

Also just imagine someone covering Seb’s ENTIRE body part with their HAND. Like .. he would malfunction and cum in his pants. Probably like whimper and just like die on the spot or something

Td;lr

Rbr seb is tiny and needs to be fucked until he can’t speak

(I can’t believe I’m sending this unanon but :,) ye)

HIIIII TRASHTEENKIDD (idk what to call you lmaoo 😭)

THE PHOTOSSS OMGGG THOSE PHOTOSS !!! I ONLY SEEN THE SEBMARK ONES BUT THE OTHER TWO OMFG,,, I MOANEDDDD

1. YESS !!! look at the size of the shirt its not made for his size or is he into larger shirt that can cover his body because well um 😏 you know why, he likes the feeling of being small??? Mhmmm the way the shirt covers his butt too AND YESS his tiny legs and armss seb youre not supposed to be there indeed ! Get your ass on the bed now !! Also i love how red his ears are ngl. I think most of the time its always red which make me think if its like that on the other parts too 🤭 imagine him all flushed up and redd oooooo what a sight actually i need him...

2. AURGGHG PLEASE YOUR WORDS IM HAVING BRAIN DISEASE OVER IT. EXTREME HEADACHEEEE i always like the idea of the crew gangbanging on seb especially during his torro rosso eraa !! The boy is so so petite you can carry him everywhere and its as light as a feather ! Want him to be handled like a ragdoll every single second. Also the fact that he arrives at the grid first and is the one who usually leaves the last because he wants to hang around and 'learn' more from the crew.... doesnt that make you think thoughts???? Because i sure as hell do ! Insane honestly, GET HIS ASS RESTRICTED HES GOING TO GET PREGNANT GUYSS

like look at these 😭😭😭😭 HES SOO EASY TO BE PICKED AROUND !!! The mechanics would definitely also manipulate him during sebs str era im insane i need to be put at a hospital.... i want more gangbang seb fics...

And yes definitely 🤭🤭 the 2010s grid is using seb as a free cumdump as repayment for letting him win the wdc hehehheheheheh seb you're completely tangled yourselves with evil men, get out of thereee (dont)

3.

HE ISS TINYYYYYYYYYYY HES SOO OMFGGG YOU CANT SEPARATE TINY AND SEB NO NU UH THEY LITERALLY CAME IN PAIR EVEN IF ITS AM SEB !!! THATS A TWINK

Sebs amazing for putting up a brave attitude around mark like if they got in a fight, mark would definitely beat him to a pulp but seb knows mark cant do ANYTHING to him, knows that seb has more power than him and in some cases marks just too tired to reciprocate his energy. Sebs taking marks kindness and manipulating it to his own likings for example mark fucking and releasing his anger on seb because he hates the german boy so much but its actually what seb wants, to be used and to see mark crumble in front of seb aauuurghhhh, hes a twink but hes an EVIL twink.

Also... look at michael's thigh.... its the same size as sebs waist..... im completely normal about this

Sebs definitely sensitive to touches too mhmmm !! Sensitive and desperate to be touched at all time its embarassing because he cant live without receiving physical touches from his boyfriends. During day, he finds comfort in their hand but at night, its the only thing he prays about while they continue to bring him close to heaven.

Yesss rbr seb, seb in general, deserves to be fucked until he cant think straight anymore. Much like those anime hentais, i want seb to be fucked until theres love in his eyes and hes all drooling in pleasure 🥰 my love language actually.

And dont pressure yourself ! I admire your bravery reallyy for not anon-ing yourselff. Its good to see who im talking to and that i know you guys are comfortable to share these thoughts with me 🙏 keep em coming guyss !! This is a safe place for everyone <3

[twotimeracewinnerlandonorris]

the season is over and there are a lot of thoughts, even more thots. anyway.

we've got carlos who finished p5, same as last year, equaling his best ever but he got 81,5 more points this year (the 0,5 is from spa). that's huge. especially considering his 6 dnf's, the fact that he was, at least after last race, the driver with the least amount of laps. carlos also won his first race this year, my beloved silverstone, something he was so deserving of and was a long time coming. he got three pole positions, two of those on merit and one because of a grid drop, and managed to snag 9 podiums.

let's just talk about that for a moment. nine podiums. before this year, he had a combined number of 6 podiums, two from mclaren and four from ferrari. he tried his best at all times, and showed what a great team player he is, although i know there are certain people out there who will disagree on that. but the thing is that fact doesn't care about feelings and it's a fact that carlos was a tremendous asset to ferrari this whole season, not only because of his driving but because of his assertiveness and how, even when driving 300 km/h, he manages to strategies both his own race and his teammate's.

this man has shown such growth in his time with the red team. he's a born leader. someone who is calm and collected at all times and can think and react in a crisis or when he's clearly being fucked over by some bad strategy calls. he's someone who dares stand his ground and he gets treated with respect because he knows what he wants, know what he can do and understands what needs to be done. carlos had a wonderful season marred by very few errors and a bunch of bad luck and i can't wait to see him take on 2023.

and then there's lando norris. best of the rest. p7 which is a drop from last year but we didn't even expect top 10 at the start of the season. hasn't gone out in q1 in quali since germany 2019, the only driver outside of the top 3 teams to break the 100+ point barriers, fought the whole season against a pair of drivers who were in a superior car pace-wise yet managed to outscore both of them. that valiant fight almost handed mclaren p4 in the championship fight, but it was not to be. the only driver outside of the top 3 teams, alongside zhou, to get the fastest lap (he even got 2!), the only driver outside of rbr, ferrari and merc to get a podium, the official f1 1,5 champion, teammate vs teammate quali champion. ended the season with 85 more points than his teammate, basically keeping mclaren afloat.

do i need to go on? it's ridiculous that people out there keep on underestimating him when he's one of the most consistent drivers on the grid, with one of the worst cars. his most amazing drive this year was when he was more dead than alive from tonsillitis, and one of his best quali showings was while he had food poisoning in brazil, which just goes to show how much he wants to do well for his team and how much the team means to him (that's not to say that i liked how the doctors and higher-ups allowed him on track).

it's incomprehensible that there are people out there who literally hate him for doing his job, showing how great he is in mid-machinery, and for showing actual personality instead of a run-of-the-mill pr persona. especially since their faves show nothing but love and adoration towards him. it's doesn't matter what driver it is - carlos, lewis, seb, alex, george, yuki, este, max, kevin, daniel and yes, even pierre - they all love him; some even adore him.

he is the future of f1 and he is in great company. and he will prove that once and for all, given the right equipment. i'm optimistic as hell for 2023 and lando norris.

[silverstonesainz-archive]

i paused writing blurbs because i saw someone on tiktok say how many shots they would need to sleep with an f1 driver so i'm gonna do it here with the 2022 grid. how many shots do i need to approach and then sleep with an f1 driver, with commentary. no one asked but here i go.

for a frame of reference, it would take me about more or less 7 shots of hard liquor to get me to a good kind of drunk. anything beyond that i will be very stupid.

RED BULL

max - 2. i just need a bit of liquid courage to walk up to him. otherwise i think i could handle myself fairly well. also max lately??? whew. it doesn't take much to convince me. checo - 10. he is simply not my cup of tea. i look at him like a cool older cousin.

MERCEDES

lewis - 4. i just know his aura would be so intimidating but in the best way. i need all the help i can get to even APPROACH THAT MAN. george - 20. not a fan. will need to be blacked out to get through it.

FERRARI

charles - 3. another man with an intimidating aura. i feel like i couldn't get to him as easily, and i will need the alcohol to calm my weird and erratic behavior. but also look at him? i don't need much to convince me. carlos - 2. only needed to walk up to him. again, i think that i could pull that man if i tried hard enough. i would charm him. i also need to be about my wits if i ever sleep with this man are you joking?

MCLAREN

daniel - 5. i think i can match his energy, i just need the shot before i walk up to him. the other 4 is to get through the fact i'd be sleeping with someone who i share a name with. like imagine moaning your own name???? no. lando - 0. i can pull this man with minimal effort. he's easy, he looks easy. and i wanna be about my wits if i sleep with another scorpio man.

ALPINE

esteban - 7. he's also not my cup of tea. i think i could approach him and talk to him sober, but i need to be drunk to do it. fernando - 16. please i literally call him tío. i can't do it.

ALFA ROMEO

valterri - 6. im gonna need my sorority personality to be more amplified if im gonna pull anything from this man. he's so put together and im just naturally a hot mess. so yeah. zhou - 10. also not my cup of tea, not my type. so i need all the alcohol i can get to muscle through that.

ALPHATAURI

pierre - 1. for confidence. that man lowkey seems easy, i think i can pull. yuki - 20. pls hes so smol and i think of him as a little brother. i simply would not be able to take him seriously if i have any less than 20.

ASTON MARTIN

lance - 8. he's cute but he also doesnt do it for me. i also think that i wouldn't do it for him LMAO. but yeah like the first 3 to approach him, the last 5 to simply get through it. seb - 12. only because i do look at him like a fun uncle. but rbr seb? ferrari seb?? different story

HAAS

mick - 4. for sheer confidence. but i think i can charm him?? i think??? also like i want to be semi about my wits if it happens. kevin - 6. he also seems like such a stoic man and has that aura about him. i will need all the confidence i can get.

WILLIAMS

alex - 5. for confidence and to relax. i think hes so sweet, and i need that extra help to not come across as psycho. nick - 5. ngl... him post japan kinda hit different. im not normally attracted to him so 5 is a good middle ground to get through it all.

[effervescentdragon]

Okey but what if the red Bull courting seb after Ferrari was true. 2021 plays out the exact same way except it’s seb instead of max.

*new Red Bull cheated gate every week*

I pretend I do not see. All I see is a fünf x Weltmeister

He thinks of Michael often these days.

The fact is, it's all devolving. The thrills aren't as thrilling as they used to be, with the dangers diminished and the rules used arbitrarily and nonsensically. It feels both more sanitised and dirtier at the same time. What was that quote, The age of heroes is long past? That is how he feels.

Not that he cares much these days. He knows what he is here to do, for one final time. He knows how he drives, and more than anything, he knows how his opponent drives. He's driven with him in one way or another for the whole of his career. Fifteen years. He thinks that's enough, really. A nice number. Just good enough to go out on a high. Just perfect, to match his car number to his wins.

He doesn't think he wants to do it again next years. There is one thing Nico did right (except demolishing and breaking a person the way he hasn't gotten to do since 2013, and he misses it), and that is removing himself from the narrative after standing on top of the world. Fuck them, he'd said to Seb. They can say whatever, I still have this to take home, and they can't take it away, he had said and patted his WDC trophy.

(Do you want me to fuck you, he had said then, grinning wickedly. Jenson had laughed at the expression on Nico's face and answered so that Nico didn't have to.)

Mick comes to wish him luck before the race starts, and he thinks of Michael. Mick is still so wonderfully innocent, and he may be the only thing worth protecting anymore. He hugs Mick and thinks how it's bettter that he did not understand, because Michael would have, and that would have hurt. He plays dumb at Mick's earnest adoration,. This is something he owes to Michael, and he is alright with not taking this, too.

Charles finds him before the race too, and he lets him kiss him for good luck. Relishes it, even. There is hope for that one yet, he thinks. I've taught him everything I could, and now it's on him to decide what is more important, his morals or winning. Whichever one he chooses, he knows that a part of Charles will die irrevocably. He is alright with whichever part remains. There are ways to even the score, always, if Charles ends up winning in red. Charles likes kneeling too much to protest; always has. That will not change in a year or two.

"Ready?" Christian asks him. He is too excited, and it's pitiful. He doesn't care about the means to the end, but he reserves the right to despise the man with the means. He thinks of his announcement, the one he will make whrn he wins, and smiles. "Of course."

Rocky claps him on the shoulder. "Let's go, sunshine," he grins, and it startles a laugh out of him. How fitting, he thinks. A full circle. The sun is radioactive these days, dangerous and murderous. It feels even more fitting.

"Let's go, boys," he says, and puts his helmet on.

Sebastian Vettel sits in his Red Bull for the last time in Abu Dhabi in 2021, knowing he will win.

It doesn't take away from the thrill at all.

He smiles. It's not a nice smile. It never really was, but they didn't want to see it, and that is completely on them.

The lights go out. He breathes, inhale, exhale, and away he goes.

[whorekneecentral]

rbr seb with 'pull your skirt up a little baby' and 'you wanna do this right now? even thought we could get caught?' :))

of course it’s rbr seb again (tagging @2-fast-2-curious) 

Sebastian watched as you laughed, his hands rested on your lower back - not his hand, but Mark’s. 

You two were standing by the bar, chatting as it was the end of the season party and you two wouldn't see each other for the next few months. Despite there being a little bit of tension with Sebastian and Mark, you and Mark were good friends; always joking and laughing. 

Your boyfriend walks over, his hand on your lower back, next to Mark’s. You look over at your boyfriend, “hi honey.” 

“Hi,” he smiles, kissing your cheek. Mark takes that as his sign to move his hand. “C’mon with me for a minute?” Sebastian asks, grabbing your hand. 

You follow Sebastian down the hallway, the man pulling you around the corner. You’re pinned up against the wall and Sebastian’s hand trails ups your thigh. “You wanna do this right now? Even thought we could get caught?” You knew Sebastian like the back of your hand, he was up to not good. 

The man smiles, “c’mon, pull your skirt up a little baby.” 

He had you wrapped around his finger, you let him do what he wanted to do. Sebastian pulls your skirt up, your leg pulled on his hip. His hand slides between your legs, fingers brushing against your panties. 

“Don’t act like you don’t want this.” 

[vro0m]

2015 season summary

FINALLY! Sorry this took so long, but as you know I was drowning in classes and thesis writing. Now that it’s done let’s get back to it, starting with the 2015 season summary.

Winning his second title really put Lewis at ease at Mercedes. He’s relaxed, he’s comfortable, he’s confident. He turned 30 during the break. His relationship with Nicole finally ended for good. He talks about growing up, enjoying every day. He’s doing even more beside racing than before (and yes, it starts discourse again). In particular in the first half of the season there’s also a recurrent theme of him wanting to be a team leader (but maybe he also means first driver, he is out of a contract at the end of the year after all).

Lewis is maturing for sure, but he’s not fully grown yet. There’s no big drama during the year, though. Nico is unhappy with Lewis in China and then there’s a couple of arguably aggressive starts in Japan and in the USA. Things are pretty chill overall. Mercedes is dominating (except for that horrible mistake in Monaco and the struggle in Singapore) although Ferrari comes through here and there. And in the team, Lewis is on top. Easily. 11 poles, 10 wins.

But 2015 might just be the eye of the storm between two spicy seasons. Nico is on pole for the last 6 races, and although he’s only able to convert them into wins once Lewis has won his third title, the shift is palpable. As soon as he feels it, Lewis' attitude changes as well. He’s less positive, more defensive. As I was saying he’s not there yet. Maybe he just can’t be wise in the face of Nico. Maybe these two just bring the worst out of each other and that’s all there can be. (After all Nico also showed he can’t take the high road either with cap gate.) At the end of the year, Lewis shields himself from the questions with his third title (“I think being world champion sounds a lot better than winning the race.”), but that won’t work anymore once the next season starts 👀

Other important events of 2015 are the RBR - Renault engine issue, and also Max’s F1 debuts. Everybody is already adamant he’ll win a championship someday and indeed, he is very impressive.

Now let’s see if the storm indeed resumed in 2016 (but yes. yes it did. we all know it did.)

Let’s talk numbers : so far, I’ve completed 52.5% of my rewatch. In total, I’ve made 1,558 GIFs to illustrate it.

Here’s a list of the 2015 GPs with a quick summary and the link to the actual recap if you wanna read it or take a look at the GIFs I made :

1. Australian GP : 2015 season context. First season at Ferrari for Seb and Alonso went back to McLaren. Also Max’s first season. Loads of messy stuff happening in the pre-season / first GP weekend. Lewis interview. Lewis pole. Lewis win. Extremely boring race. Seb making fun of Nico.

2. Malaysian GP : Race n°150! Wet quali + controversy. Lewis pole. Natural vs. analytical driver rant. Lewis P2. (Bonus : “good boy, good boy” - the famous sewis podium moment - pegging Hamilton)

3. Chinese GP : Lewis pole again. Eventful race. Lewis win. Brocedes drama. (Bonus : Lewis and Nico’s postrace interviews)

4. Bahrain GP : Lewis pole. Nico interview. Lewis win. Stressful ending. Baseball celebration. (Bonus I found later on : joint Sewis interview)

5. Spanish GP : There’s a whole “Lewis is too distracted” thing again ugh. Bad race start. Bad pit stop. Moody Lewis. Several pit stop dramas. Lewis P2, his 75th podium.

6. Monaco GP : Lewis pole. Hill has to swallow his words about him being too distracted. Great Lewis x Thierry Henry segment. Big crash then terrible strategy decision. P3.

7. Canadian GP : Lewis pole. Boring first half then slightly less. Lewis win. Bono lost his dad.

8. Austrian GP : Lewis pole. Bad start. A terrible scary crash. Some stupid mistake. P2.

9. British GP : Lewis pole (yes, still). Lewis drifting with Johnny segment. Horrible start but good race. Lewis win. He is absolutely buzzing.

10. Hungarian GP : Lewis pole. Minute of silence for Jules. Terrible start. Suspenseful but bad race. Lewis P6. (Bonus : “you’re very quiet Bono”)

11. Belgian GP : Lewis pole, for a change. Lewis win. The crowd chanting his name. Talking about retirement. Finally admits he might win the title again.

12. Italian GP : Bleached blond Lewis! And guess what? On pole. Lewis interview. Rowing competition. Weird, weird end. Lewis win. Nice cooldown room / podium.

13. Singapore GP : Lewis surprisingly not on pole! Mercedes is struggling. DNF. Also someone is walking on the track? (Bonus : Seb being a flirt)

14. Japanese GP : Nico pole + interview. Aggressive start. Alonso’s “GP2 engine!” Kinda boring race. Lewis win. Matches Senna’s record. Nice sewis podium.

15. Russian GP : Nico pole. Briatore talking about Lewis. Crash start. Another bad crash. Lewis is a good man. Lewins win. Gayest sewis scene I’ve seen so far. Ferraris getting strong. It finally truly dawns on him he might win a title again. Controversial WCC decider. 

16. US GP (part 1 - part 2 - part 3) : Wet quali, Nico pole. Starting on inters. Aggressive start again. Loads of issues. Good race! WDC decider! Famous cap controversy. Nice Niki interview and hug. “Hopefully he’s proud.”

17. Mexican GP : Nico pole again. Rock star racing driver. Mansell x Lewis interview. Lewis not happy with decisions. Lewis P2.

18. Brazilian GP : Nico pole. Alonso meme weekend. Nico interview, some stuff about their rivalry. Boring af. Lewis P2. Different strategy discourse.

19. Abu Dhabi GP : And another Nico pole. Lewis interview. Max interview. Max VS. Lewis debut rant. Slight engine modes controversy. Lewis P2. Lovely podium moment with the Merc rep. Weird press conference. Weird Lewis fancam.

[albon-o-positive]

rating the drivers based on their current haircuts

lewis: 100/10. undeniably the best hair on the grid. when he had his hair up in the two little buns(?) near the start of season I damn near became teamlh

george: 6/10. I personally don't think it serves cunt but it gets the job done. preferred his williams haircut but this one does make him look older so

charles: 9/10. to be fair I think any haircut this man could possibly get it'd still look amazing. life is so unfair

carlos: 9/10 also. ferrari should rebrand to the good hair team. mattia is not included because he wears a clown wig constantly

max: meh. 4/10. don't love it. to be fair I feel like I only see his hair when it's really gross and sweaty when he takes his helmet off

checo: 5/10. just a man's hair

daniel: 8/10 for the glow up. because godamn his hair in toro rosso was not serving cunt. it was doing the opposite. removing cunt so to speak

lando: 6/10 I am a lando curl enjoyer who also likes consistency. I have not been receiving either of that from him. to be fair like, he had that r e a l l y bad haircut a while ago which like anything in comparison is better, but max f's brother has not been doing his hair well I'm jusy gonna say it

mick: 6.5/10. he got a haircut recently and I really didn't like it. I can't exactly remember what it looked like before but I want him to go Back. I like it when he is boyfriend shaped

kevin: 6/10. viking hair. I respect it

alex: 8/10 for the red hair. personally I think he should bleach it and then re-dye it red so that him and I can match and also because then it'll show way more. but I think that's just me being selfish

nicky: 4/10. not a fan. can't really remember what it looks like (I'm writing all of these without looking a refrence) but I know I'm not a fan

seb: please don't hate me. please don't hate me. please don't hate me. 2/10. I don't like the long hair I'm so sorry please don't hate me

lance: -100/10. I'm sorry lance but what the fuck. his hair looked way better last season what did he do to it????? just like ferrari I think Aston need to rebrand...

val: 5/10. just a guy's haircut. neither here nor there but it's solid I suppose

guanyu: 9/10. very very very solid hair cut. looks good. accentuates his features. I like your cut g

pierre: 6/10. it's... okay. I really liked the blonde streaks he had during toro rosso. bring them back pls. or is there not enough money in the rbr budget for bleach

yuki: 5/10 okay I love yuki soso much yeah but I just Do Not vibe with the hair cut. I will let him off gently though because he looks like he takes good care of it

fernando: 4/10 it's okay??? I've never really thought about his haircut prior to this. can't say im a fan though

este: esteban I am so sorry but it's a 3/10 from me. there's just. so. so much better haircuts you could have

this is all in good fun and also just my opinion so pls don't take this as me attacking any of the drivers :)

EDIT: I manifested blonde Alex for you all ur welcome xx

[leclerking]

Who initiated the first kiss?

Who apologizes first after a fight?

Who is the funny one?

Who is more romantic?

Who is the most patient?

Who’s the better cook?

Who said “I love you” first?

Who takes longer to get ready in the morning?

Who is grumpier in the morning?

Who’s more stubborn?

Who’s the bigger baby when sick?

Who is the social butterfly?

Who’s the messy one?

Who spends the most money?

DO THIS WITH MY FAVORITE SHIPS

Sewis

Piarreles

Martian

😭😭😭 where are you finding these?

I will do some of them

Sewis (considering this as feral rbr seb and Lewis frm 2011 or so)

1. First kiss — seb. He's so cocky abt it too

2. First to apologise — neither, they both just have a heated make out session

3. Funny one — seb. I think he's the funniest one ever

4. Longer to get ready — Lewis bcz seb only wears team merch and it's not that hard to decide for him

5. Bigger baby when sick — seb. But actually i think both of them ...

Piareles

1. First kiss — Charles for sure

2. Apologizes first — Charles. I don't think he has the ability to stay mad at someone.

3. Grumpier in the morning — Pierre

4. Bigger baby when sick — Pierre for sure. (funny how I'm saying this while he's out there literally almost dating a bby 😬😭💀)

5. Social butterfly — I think Pierre because Charles has a somewhat close circle i think??? Even though they're both extroverts

6. Who's messier — I actually don't know. Because we have evidence that Charles is neat. But idk enough about Pierre's lifestyle. But what I do know is OSCAR IS THE MESSIEST ON THE GRID

Martian ( prime rbr Martian)

1. First kiss — Mark, just because i think seb was still a bit young and innocent and new when he was introduced to mark and f1

2. First to apologise — Mark obviously.

3. Funnier one — seb but also all his jokes are channeled into roasting mark

4. Better cook — neither

5. First to say ily — seb. Don't ask me why

6. Grumpier, more stubborn, bigger baby — seb seb seb. Like THIS MENACE WAS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE

[racingcore]

Logan needs more confidence please and not the team fucking him up sometimes. But i have seen many Logan fans on here on tumblr. maybe my circle just doesnt overlap much of his if you get what i mean?

Well, I was talking about more visible and impactable fb, like ig or even tt, something that let him quickly get fb which is noticeable by teams and could bringthem money. Buy, you right I saw a lot of Logan's fans here.

about Kmag, if they bring in ollie and decided to keep hulkenberg idk where he will go. so thats why i was unsure about it.

Oh, I'm semi-sure hulk going to audi, soo that where I was coming from with kmag seat.

well here we go. for 2025 only. not perfect and just from top of my head. i am biased.

Exactly what I mean it to be absolutely biased no logic included.

So, for 2025 i agree with Ferrari: lewis and charles. But I'd also love to see max and charles for mischief and the plot)

Rbr: max and checo are well. But I also would love to see oscar as max teammate.

McLaren: I don't know, don't like the team currently, but I'd like to see violent version of carlando lol)

Mercedes: george and seb❤️‍🔥. george and carlos (once again just for drama) and agree with george and alex would be also nicceee)

Am: I actually lobe their current lineup

Vcarb: Yuuukkiii and Liam (my pookies)

Haas: out of the grid replaced or bought by some other team. Don't like them from the beginning. But to be serious ollie obviously (child abuse 🙄) and kimi (double childe abuse) because I like their team from f2. No logic involved with two chaotic rookies in one team. They could still McLaren from carlando as well actually. Also I'd like to see oliie with charles in ferrari.

Sauber: hulk and kmag. Love that duo this year. Completely menaces together. Let's add some horrific pitstops here, because it's truly to violent to make 2 babies going through this.

Williams: zero thoughts. I'd let for those who left play actual musical chairs to take this two seats. Well one seat, Zhou take the first.

Alpine: they are perfect, lmao. I wouldn't change anything. (Pierre, I love you, babe, but it's too fanny to change. You're a brave man, you could handle it one more season)

hi anon! i went to sleep last night after replying to your previous ask. replying now cuz well the chaos of the race is well far behind.

oh you are right about Logan in that case. He should have a nice PR thing going on cuz you know the other driver on the grid who is not doing good and is gunning for the main seat is just here cuz of PR value and looking to get the seat out of it.

yes yes i am semi sure about Hulk to Audi too but that makes me think that for next year they can keep Hulk and bring in Ollie and Kmag has nowhere to go.

So, for 2025 i agree with Ferrari: lewis and charles. But I'd also love to see max and charles for mischief and the plot)

lmao can you imagine Max in Ferrari? the absolute shit roasting that will go behing the scenes and Charles defending too. PR ferrari videos but they are just Charles and Max on crack cuz they dont even have to act XD

i want george and alex just cuz of their lore ngl

i agree with pretty much everything after except about pierre. i need to see that pookie in a nice car pls 🥺

[rosyjuly]

(1/2) hi i’m new i literally made a tumblr just to say this but… do i hear Spirited Aaway (best movie of all time) au? (even if you don't know what that is i need to speak my truth so) plot wise mick is travelling with his dad to visit somewhere idk and they end up in the spirit realm and michael gets cursed to enter enchanted sleep so mick goes to the bathhouse that’s in the distance where he meets this scruffy older guy with eyes like running water who tells him to “go, run, leave before dark” but we all know that doesn't happen 🙄 and instead gets stuck in the spirit realm. the unkept hot guy mick keeps on thinking feels familiar tells him to survive and get his dad back he must go to upper management and beg for a job so he does and SURPRISE the bathhouse is a metaphor for ferrari and they take away mick’s last name like in the movie and make him forget about his past life. it turns out that weirdo blue-eyed man is the right hand to the bathhouse owner (who? WILL come up later) and he’s super powerful and can turn into a dragon and his name is ✨seb✨ but mick is like… don’t i know you from my repressed childhood..? no? anyway i don’t think that’s your name but i will not examine that. after that estiebestie the nice demon is tasked to train him in how to do bathhouse stuff (he’s the cool mentor woman in the film i don’t remember her name) and he’s the only one who’s nice to mick. mick suffers for a bit, because he’s a nepo baby who’s never done manual labor at heart. then alex the mud spirit comes through (rbr to williams resurrection metaphor) and so does no-face (fernando alonso because that image is really funny to me, not for thematic reasons). seb (haku) hates him. it’s great.

(2/2) anyway whatever whatever climax of the story seb goes to steal the “golden seal” (wdc) and gets super poisoned (again, metaphor) so mick goes down to the boiler room again to meet with seb’s oldest and only friend, a spirit who used to be super powerful but was cast aside to the basement after becoming disillusioned by the bathhouse (guess who? it’s kimi lol. he could pull off the boiler guy). grumpy boiler guy tells him to travel to the empire across the sea and gives him the train tickets. also charles is there because charles is the giant baby (ferrari chosen one iykyk) but he’s better and cooler than the baby in the film. they travel all the way to the cottage of TOTO WOLFF who is the nice witch and he tells them about his old friend/rival (lover? 😳) MAURIZIO ARRIVABENE and his cursed ferrari bathhouse who has seb in a chokehold. anyway mick gets emotionally adopted and seb is cured and shows up and the door and turns into a dragon to fly them back (it’s glorious). (a.n: george is the hopping lamppost this is so important to me). on the way mick has a revelation. am i… into men? lmao jokes. his realization is that seb was the river spirit his dad used to take him too when he was a kid in the german countryside and the spirit’s name is ✨sebastian vettel✨. it’s moving and beautiful and whatever. they get back and return charles the mouse to ferrari so they can release sebby’s contract (aston martin era), mick goes back to real life and travells back to his hometown to see the river and SURPRISE there’s a scruffy older guy with eyes like running water (😉) waiting on the shore. the end. thanks for listening <3

anon, i watched the movie just for you and this is 10/10, no notes. fernando alonso as no face really killed me!!! toto wolff being the nice witch... i think niceness is relative but if he gets my boy a seat on the grid (who needs l. sargeant if we're being honest here) i will forgive some stuff for him... maybe it's binotto who's baby charles's grandma!

also anon HI you made a tumblr just for this!!! i hope you have fun on here!