#really wish the soundtrack was released so i could name the specific tracks that i LOVE

[pandora15]

might be a hot take but i kinda really like that they didn't use imperial march for vader at all in kenobi episode 3

i feel like it would've taken us out of the moment and the horror of him showing up, because the imperial march is so militaristic and almost…bombastic? not sure if that's exactly the right word for it but

anyways, the theme that is used for vader in this new episode is really fitting for the vibe that they're going for

also damn i love the soundtrack for this show. i know that's another hot take but seriously. I LOVE IT.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 20/04/2024 (Sabrina Carpenter, Dua Lipa, Perrie Edwards)

Hozier sticks to a second week at #1 on the UK Singles Chart with “Too Sweet” and welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

As always, we start with our notable dropouts, songs exiting the UK Top 75 - which is what I cover - after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. This week, we actually have a bit of a massacre so we must bid adieu to: “7 Minute Drill” by J. Cole (that one we literally say farewell to, it’s been deleted), “Cinderella” by Future and Metro Boomin featuring Travis Scott, “Make You Mine” by Madison Beer, “CARNIVAL” by Hitler and Goebbels featuring Rich the Kid and Playboi Carti, “Made for Me” by Muni Long, “bye” and “yes, and?” by Ariana Grande, “Would You (go to bed with me?)” by Campbell and Alcemist, assisted by a remix with Caity Baser, “Baby Shark” by Pinkfong, yes, really, “Anti-Hero” by Taylor Swift and finally, even though we all know it’ll be back, “Mr. Brightside” by The Killers.

It actually turns out that the most interesting stories here outside of the top 10 and new tracks… are the returning entries, because there are quite a few, they’re quite high and also quite - at least tangentially - related to a cultural event. Firstly, we have the release of a biopic revolving around the late singer Amy Winehouse who has captivated audiences long after death and the recent release of Back to Black, as well as its soundtrack, mostly a compilation of Winehouse’s songs and her influences, has propelled the studio album of the same name to #22 on the album chart whilst giving some of her legacy catalogue a solid boost. The song of the same name, “Back to Black”, had several initial runs from 2007 to 2008, peaking at “only” #25, but returned with stride after her passing to find a new peak of #8 in 2011. At #1 that week was “She Makes Me Wanna” by JLS featuring Dev. The charts don’t always reflect what music actually stands the test of time, let’s just say that. Today, it’s at #51. An even more storied chart run comes in at #44 with “Valerie” by Mark Ronson featuring Amy Winehouse. Ronson’s version largely eclipsed the original Zutons version released the year before. The Liverpool indie rock outfit peaked at #9 with their version, whilst Nelly Furtado’s “Maneater” topped the charts, but by the time Ronson and Winehouse came along, the chart was instead reigned by Sugababes with “About You Now”, which halted “Valerie” from hitting #1. Similarly to “Back to Black”, it did return to the chart after her passing though not very high, so I assume that it must have some degree of prominence in the biopic, I’ve yet to see it.

As for our two other re-entries, they somehow have even more chart history dragged into them, so bear with me. Paul Simon wrote “The Sound of Silence” and recorded the track as a member of Simon & Garfunkel in 1964, and despite this being the most prominent and successful version, hitting #1 Stateside, it somehow never once appeared on the UK Singles Chart in any form until long after, specifically in 1966 when an Irish pop group The Bachelors covered it, basically taking any steam off of the original by peaking at #3. The Spencer Davis Group’s “Somebody Help Me” was #1 at the time. It wouldn’t appear on the charts again until damn near half a century later in 2012, when viral acoustic singer Kina Grannis took it to #93. However, and I really wish I couldn’t say this, the most successful cover may be from nu metal band Disturbed, who reached mainstream success worldwide by covering the track in 2016, by then it had been thoroughly memed to death as well as being a long-term pop staple, yet it still worked. Their mediocre version peaked at #29 and now it’s back at #47 because of an inexplicable, practically unlistenable house remix by Australian DJ CYRIL that Paul Simon could probably sue for murder. I didn’t like the Disturbed version, but this is a new level of groanworthy.

As for our final re-entry, we should look towards the album charts, wherein Oasis’ 1994 debut Definitely Maybe is actually down a full positions, lower than other Oasis albums. The irony in that is that it’s the iconic Britpop band’s 20th anniversary this past week, with them releasing special physical editions of their debut single “Supersonic” to mark the occasion. It never really peaked that high to begin with, only at #31, but it did stick around and return for several runs for basically most of the 1990s, only to return once again this week as our highest re-entry at #42.

The gains are a lot less interesting but there are still a handful of notable boosts, namely “Jump” by Tyla, Gunna and Skillibeng up to #38, “Good Luck, Babe!” by Chappell Roan at #33, “I Don’t Wanna Wait” by David Guetta and OneRepublic at #25 (Jesus Christ), and finally, “Hell n Back” by Bakar nearing its old peak at #21.

This week, our top five on the UK Singles Chart consists of: “TEXAS HOLD ‘EM” by Beyoncé holding at #5, “Lose Control” by Teddy Swims floating at #4, “i like the way you kiss me” by Artemas smooching its way up to #3, Benjamin of Boontown is at #2 with “Beautiful Things” and of course, Hozier still at #1. Now, there’s actually quite a lot to discuss in our new entries, despite the fact that Taylor is still a week away yet, in fact this might end up the more interesting week because no-one is dropping the same day as her. So let’s review them, shall we?

New Entries

#49 - “We Still Don’t Trust You” - Future and Metro Boomin featuring The Weeknd

Produced by Metro Boomin, Peter Lee Johnson and MIKE DEAN

Yup, all of our new entries are within the top 50 this week, and most of them well into the highest reaches of the chart. Given Taylor only has three songs coming next week, I’m pretty excited for a from-the-top shake-up that won’t be immediately torn down… at least until the temporary Eurovision blockade, but we’ll deal with that when it comes to it. For now, I had only heard one of the songs debuting this week before today, and it was this one, the intro and title track to the second of the Future-Metro collaboration tapes, which debuted at #11 on the albums chart this week. Not every track hits on this second album, but if you remember what I thought about the first album, you’d recall I preferred the hazier, more melodically-focused pop-trap that was prevalent through the middle section, and this new record is essentially an extended version of just that with a triumphant victory lap full of bangers on the back-half bonus disc to balance things out. Future is a lot more emotive, Metro is delivering beautiful cloudy soundscapes, and the hooks are catchier than ever, though it’s not nearly as immediate so I understand that it performed less successfully even if it is a damn shame. It also means we only have the first track here, which is barely even a song ultimately, more so an extended, hallucinatory introduction blending punchy synthpop drums with garbled psuedo-hooks about freaky girls from Future, a looming falsetto from The Weeknd over a borderline nu-disco groove and semi-verses that don’t really form into a complete song. In the album context, this is a brilliant introduction to where the album will take you: a late-night drive taking your mind off “the hoes” so to speak. As a charting single by itself, it’s honestly just weird. Other than being the intro to an album most people I imagine didn’t finish all the way through, I don’t understand why “All to Myself” didn’t take this one’s place. I guess it didn’t have the video treatment but regardless, weird single to push, even if it’s a great moment.

#46 - “KiKi (What Would Drizzy Say?)” - D-Block Europe

Produced by Eight8, Harry Beech and Ari Beats

Well, Drake’s in the news thanks to all the dissing back and forth so being the young brilliant entrepreneurs they are, DBE pushed out a song with him in the title, in a vague reference to Drake’s own “What Would Pluto Do” but a much less vague, openly cheap interpolation of Drake’s “In My Feelings”, and the chart history did not stop with our re-entries as if there’s a coherent theme with some of these new tracks, it’s egregious referencing. “In My Feelings” samples a plethora of tracks in the first place, but none as explicitly as DBE have riffed from it here. The original spent four weeks at #1, but I don’t see Young Adz’s nasal auto-croon rendition getting any higher than #46. I actually feel kind of relieved with this because this is back to the stupid, barely functioning DBE of old (and by old, I mean the late 2010s), with a terrible bass mastering job, overly loud flutes that nearly drown out Adz himself attempting to sing his way out of his lack of content, in the same melody as Drake’s chorus until he just starts talking instead midway through. Some of the 2020s improvements are actually present here though; Youthful Advertisements has much tighter rhyme schemes once he actually starts rapping, and they aren’t as audibly out of tune or beat with everything else as they probably would be if they tried this out when the original was big. He also puts a shell in his back like he’s a turtle, tells the girl to close her mouth and leads into Dirtbike Lb’s small contribution, a brief, half-dead and wordy verse that still washes Adz: this is what I’ve come to expect from the duo. There’s not much of an attempt at wordplay but cool turns of phrase that kind of imply he thinks Hermés is the name of the crocodile they killed to make the bag and not just the brand name… they’re good enough. This is good fun.

#41 - “A Bar Song (Tipsy)” - Shaboozey

Produced by Nevin and Sean Cook

Okay, if we’re going to sample egregiously, this is how we do it: not trying to play it off as a completely new song but not serving in the exact same lane and purpose as the original. Instead, let’s make unabashed re-recordings and reimaginings that don’t necessarily modernise or improve the song, and don’t set out to, instead crafting a different experience from the same fundamentals. Now I don’t like the original 2004 track “Tipsy” by J-Kwon mostly because of, well, J-Kwon being useless, but there’s a great hook to it, especially the radio edit, and the beat making up nearly entirely of weird sound effects over a distorted clap sample is pretty clever. The original “Tipsy” peaked at #4 for two weeks, whilst “Lola’s Theme” by the Shapeshifters was #1, and later The Streets’ “Dry Your Eyes”. Shaboozey, a singer featured on Beyoncé’s latest pivot, has taken advantage of that extra traction to completely reimagine the chorus of “Tipsy” and its general conceit of having fun at a gathering to take your mind off problems, especially with girls… but there’s a lot of depth added through the extra populist twist thanks to the financial troubles referenced in the verses, and some particularly really smart intricacies like turning the counting gimmick into counting the rounds of drinks at the bar. He recontextualises a basically meaningless gimmick into something that is a lot more resonant, and that’s really special. Sonically, it feels like a bit more organic stomp-clap soarer, and isn’t really all that special, but the inspired interpolation of “Tipsy”, alongside some great strings in the post-chorus, makes this what it is, and it doesn’t run out of tricks. The shift to a rap flow in the second verse to continue the momentum is brilliant, the spoken backing vocals amidst the multi-tracked crowd hook, which I almost wish was even louder, is a fun idea… and that’s before that final chorus where it breaks down and becomes a true drink-a-long. Sure, this may be a reimagined version of a song I don’t like really at all, but it goes far beyond just that and creates a new experience not just as a cover but as a separate entity entirely that embraces and benefits from its referencing. This is how you do sampling in pop, it’s excellent. I hope this is a smash.

#35 - “These Words” - Badger and Natasha Bedingfield

Produced by Badger

Alright, once again, we have a sample, this time with Natasha Bedingfield’s “These Words”, that other song you might remember from the album that parents “Unwritten”. What you may not remember is that whilst this hasn’t had nearly as much longevity as the title track, it actually peaked much higher, debuting at #1 and topping the charts for two weeks in 2004. This is in spite of it being complete garbage. I like meta narratives in pop music when done well and outside of its camp, it can be genuinely difficult to get through the jerky, dated production and somewhat embarrassing performance, especially lyrically, from Bedingfield. I understand the appeal, and the writing isn’t really a deal-breaker usually, but it’s especially striking to me when the actual music behind her quest to find the best words for her love song… just plainly sucks. Come 2024 and enter UK garage producer Badger, who remixes the track, crediting Bedingfield on streaming but for whatever reason not on the Official Charts page, and I have to say, completely stripping this catchy hook outside of its tedious context is another inspired reimagining, mostly because it turns the “I love you, I love you” refrain into a muffled, glitchy funfest over some of the most detailed, hyperactive 2-step drums I’ve heard on the charts in a while, alongside a hazier synthscape that really shines against the rawer vocal from Bedingfield. Once again, modern artists turn a song from the 2000s I never really liked into a completely different experience, in this case completely removing you from Bedingfield’s narrative to fully envelop you in the euphoric end goal she hints towards in the original. Hope this takes off too.

#31 - “Tell Ur Girlfriend” - Lay Bankz

Produced by Johnny Goldstein

Speaking of taking off, it seems we finally have the inevitable breakout single for Lay Bankz. I’ve been paying attention to her casual flexing and dismissal of pretty much anything else over firy, fast-paced Philly club bangers for a while now, probably since I discovered “Na Na Na”, and it did seem like TikTok would grant her an easy hit any moment now. She finally got it with “Tell Ur Girlfriend” and here, if you don’t remember the specific production elements of its original material, you might not recognise this has yet another interpolation. I wasn’t a fan of Ginuwine’s 1996 track “Pony” for a long time because I felt its dissonance harmed its ability to be a sex jam but… let’s be real, rarely do sex jams actually succeed without being in some way disruptive due to awkward lyrics or stagnant beats. Once I learned to shut up and appreciate Timbaland’s vocoder burping that calls itself a bassline, all was right in my world. It peaked at #16 over here in 1997 and did have a shelf life extending to an EDM remix peaking at #39 in 2015. Bankz and Goldstein don’t really make much use of “Pony”’s fundamentals rhythm or melody-wise, outside of that out of place vocoder burp that is repurposed as a measure-demarcating stab over a comically jerky, sing-songy synth that slows down the pace enough for a 2-step-influenced 2000s throwback, Destiny’s Child-esque, not to rap but closer to R&B. Bankz surprises me to a degree with just how effortlessly she swaps between faster jabs to the smooth choruses, and it almost makes me forget that this is a song about mutual cheating. Does it justify that? No. And who cares? They’re having toxic fun over the Ginuwine “Pony” vocal burp and some of the ugliest synths to hit the top 40 in years, this is not morally righteous in any regard. It’s just pure, sweaty, regretful fun and does not waste any of its two-minute runtime trying to justify itself, and given this whole song is a sarcastic power move about how they should probably tell their partners they’re sleeping with each other, I don’t think she cares in the slightest.

#10 - “Forget About Us” - Perrie

Produced by Steve Solomon and Andrew Goldstein

Okay, the samplefest ended up going pretty fantastically, so I have some hopes for the trio of pop girlies we have lined up all debuting in the top 10, starting with the solo debut from Perrie Edwards of the former girl group Little Mix. She’s always been one of the most prominent vocal talents in the group, so regardless of if the song actually works, there’s going to be power here, and that’s guaranteed, even with an Ed Sheeran writing credit and a compressed to Hell and back mix. In this soarer, Perrie’s ex has become a successful singer after the breakup and Perrie is begging for them to never forget about what they lost in the relationship, especially given how neither seem all that over this relationship and its fallout. There’s a propelling pop rock drive to this, even if the lack of electric grit may harm it a tad, not letting it get into truly bitter territory… which might actually be for the best. Ms. Edwards sounds great belting here but there is a level of restraint in all the acoustic swell that might sing closer to the desperate content, acknowledging the flaws in the relationship and that it is over, but that it should, please, stick to them as a memory. A less kind approach may have flattened its overall sincerity, so even if sonically, I’m not over the Moon about this, I can recognise that this is a tightly-written, excellently performed little pop rock jam that will serve as a good introduction to the solo career. I just want to hear where it goes next.

#9 - “Illusion” - Dua Lipa

Produced by Kevin Parker and Danny L Harle

Okay, Dua, let’s be straightforward. Mixing PC Music’s wildcard Danny L Harle with Tame Impala should lead to much more interesting music than what we’ve heard from Radical Optimism - a disgraceful album title - so far, and I won’t lie and say what has been put out post-”Houdini” hasn’t been somewhat disappointing. I was hoping that “Illusion” could take a bit of a different step, tap into some less recognisable territory for Dua, and whilst it may not have done that exactly, it’s definitely much more interesting. Harle and Parker go for a much tighter house groove here, with elevated pianos, chips of percussion that end up much more minimal under the looming vocal loops and progressive electronic synth beeping, maybe much less impactful than you’d expect. So where’s that in the content? Well, Dua sings about disappointment, playing off a façade placed up by this guy who’s just not impressing her at all, as she’s growing up from just being reckless with her lovers. It’s in the same vein as “Training Season” but with a more unique and honestly more fitting soundscape for that kind of romantic disillusionment, especially given a major conceit of the bridge is that she’s still going to dance all night with that illusion, she still gives in despite her best interests. It also has a ridiculous synth solo slabbed right in for no reason. Genius. Inspiring.

#6 - “Espresso” - Sabrina Carpenter

Produced by Julian Bunetta

I really have not been going into Sabrina Carpenter singles that chart with high expectations or really any expectation that I’ll enjoy it, and she keeps proving me wrong, but not in the way that say Dua just did. No, Ms. Carpenter shares more in common with D-Block Europe in that the appeal, at least for me, comes in the lack of subtlety and disregard for functioning outside of existing pop tropes, whilst still thoroughly embarrassing her public image, cycling around enough for me to be unironically on board. Like “Nonsense” was a plain rip-off that ended up surviving beyond the genuine article on comedy alone, and “Feather” is as light as possible, no pun intended, yet still pinches at you with its infestation of hooks, “Espresso” is emphatically stupid. “Switch it up like Nintendo”? “My give-a-fucks are on vacation”? “I know I Mountain Dew it for ya”? “MOUNTAIN DEW IT FOR YA”? It reminds me all too much of Selena Gomez’s nu-disco embarrassment “Love On”, but instead of selling the cringe with sheer forcefulness, which did surprisingly work for the incredibly limited vocalist Selena is, Sabrina plays the guitar licks and downright invasive pre-chorus synths off with utter, robotic dismissal. Sure, there’s vocal riffing and harmonising, but the main vocal line in the chorus is a multi-tracked, reverb-drenched, Melodyne-controlled nursery rhyme, and it doesn’t escape that lane for nearly all of its three minutes. There are spoken word interludes where she acknowledges the stupidity of the song and its content, but it’s always breezy and lacking in the cringe that would come with it if she cared much at all. The deadpan “Yes” ad-libs in the pre-chorus, and the detail put into the production, are what really sell this to me though. It’s orchestrated to make it seem like she doesn’t care, but there is an entire team twisting the knobs to turn that faux carelessness to a seamless radio edit… and well, they need a raise. She’s done it again. This is ridiculous.

Conclusion

She doesn’t get the Best of the Week though because that, far and above, goes to Shaboozey for “A Bar Song (Tipsy)”, and the Honourable Mention… well, I can’t give out a Worst of the Week at all here. Or even a Dishonourable Mention. Sure, Perrie’s song is a bit generic and maybe my enjoyment of the DBE track is purely for the comedy factor, but I still thoroughly enjoyed my time with them, so I’m just going to tie the Honourable Mention between “These Words” by Badger and well, “Espresso” by Sabrina Carpenter, which is shaping up to thankfully be huge. As for what’s on the horizon… Taylor Swift and Drake. It’s back to the big leagues in the next episode but for now, thank you for reading, long live Cola Boyy, and I’ll see you next week!

[rpgmgames]

November’s Featured Game: Grimm's Hollow

DEVELOPER(S): ghosthunter ENGINE: RPG Maker 2003 GENRE: Indie RPG, Adventure WARNINGS: Discussions of death, losing a loved one, grief SUMMARY: Grimm’s Hollow is a spooky, freeware RPG where you search the afterlife for your brother. Reap ghosts with your scythe, explore haunted caves, and eat ghostly treats on your journey through death.

Download the game here! Our Interview With The Dev Team Below The Cut!

Introduce yourself! *BB: My name's Bruno and I did some of the music along with Nat! I’m super happy to have participated in this game! *NW: I’m Nat Wesley, a.k.a. Natbird! I’m a composer available for hire with a few projects in the works. I’m honored to have had the chance to work on the soundtrack to Grimm’s Hollow! *GH: Hello! I go by ghosthunter online; I started developing RPGs with a friend in school when we found out that we both enjoyed RPG Horror. I enjoy art, webcomics, cartoons and narrative-driven indie games a lot. I bought RM2K3 on sale and started pouring pixel art into it, before learning how to do things like chase scenes, cutscenes, etc. I used to fantasize about making my own game, drawing dungeons and ghosts in the back of my sketchbooks, before I finally started Grimm’s Hollow. Now I’m near the end of high-school, and I’m hoping the best for uni!

What is your project about? What inspired you to create this game initially? *GH: Grimm’s Hollow, originally, wasn’t as ambitious or personal. It was simply just going to be “my first game”, something that I could finally put my doodles and RM2K3 skills to. I wanted a game that a younger me would have enjoyed, back when I first discovered the classic RPGMaker games and replayed them constantly for those endings. That was my initial inspiration. It eventually evolved into an action turn-based RPG that relies on timing, yet it’s mostly narrative-driven. You traverse death in search of your sibling, and try to make an escape. There are unexpected pieces of me that ended up in this game, some of which I’m still noticing even now.

How long have you been working on your project? *GH: Since the summer of June 2018.

Did any other games or media influence aspects of your project? *GH: Standstill Girl, OFF by Mortis Ghost, Undertale, Over The Garden Wall, and the animation medium in general.

Have you come across any challenges during development? How have you overcome or worked around them? *GH: Many! Making your first game is such a giant learning curve, that the list of challenges goes on. I would say that the most difficult issue I encountered (and that, in some ways, I am still facing after release) is working around the limitations of the game engine I am using. I wanted to see whether creating an engaging but simple 1-party RPG in RM2K3 (without going completely custom) was feasible, and I experimented with quick time events as part of that. I worked around the engine’s built-in formulae so players could see progress when they upgraded their stats - although the game might display as defence as “10”, in reality the game stores it as 40 since the engine splits defence by 4. Since I did not want to create an RPG which was too complex for my first game, I also scrapped traditional staples such as armour or weapons. There were also issues such as having an appropriate “game over” handling event which wouldn’t shoot you back to the title screen after you lost a battle; getting RM2K3 to play a small cutscene where you faint and respawn somewhere else was tricky. I felt that if the player had to reload after a loss, it would disrupt the game flow.

Have any aspects of your project changed over time? How does your current project differ from your initial concept? *GH: Like I mentioned before, the game started off impersonal. I just had a soft spot for a spooky cute aesthetic, and I wanted to indulge in that. It was (and in its essence, still is) meant to be a short story, to keep the player invested for the short game length - nothing grandiose. The original draft did not have Baker play a role in the narrative - he was just an ordinary shopkeeper NPC. For a long time during development, Lavender did not even have a name. In the very first draft, she was a silent protagonist the player could name and customize. But she played a very active role in the final outline, so it was hard not to give her own unique voice when one emerged from the narrative naturally. I am glad I did; she grew on me quite quickly! Grimm was virtually unchanged from beginning to end. The only difference was that a close friend suggested that he seemed like he would be into drinking Oolong tea - so that’s what he offers you when you meet him. Timmy also did not go under massive overhauls like Lavender and Baker did, but his relationship with Lavender became much more fleshed out as I wrote the narrative. In other facets of the game’s design, there were not many changes to the original prototype.

What was your team like at the beginning? How did people join the team? If you don’t have a team, do you wish you had one or do you prefer working alone? *GH: It was just myself, doing the art, writing, programming, etc. But halfway through creating the second cave, I realised I would need a very specific sound for Grimm’s Hollow. So, I contacted Nat for music, but I also created a post on tumblr calling for a composer since there were many tracks to make. I met Bruno as a result! I am very happy with their work and I am so grateful I’ve got to work with them! (Some players are asking for an OST release, which is in the works).

What is the best part of developing a game? *GH: I really enjoyed the early stages of development: creating new tilesets, sprites and maps and piecing them together in the editor, then taking a small screenshot and sharing it with my friend over summer vacation … It was nice to see the game’s world slowly come together. I think that’s what I enjoyed the most from beginning to end: that sense of world-building, that sense of relaxation from making a small cosy game. The latter started to disappear as work and other responsibilities started to intrude, and pressure began to seep into development time - but I never stopped loving making the world and characters. I also want to say that, by lucky chance, I have met a lot of kind people from making my first game. I’m very grateful for that, so thank you to everyone.

Do you find yourself playing other RPG Maker games to see what you can do with the engine, or do you prefer to do your own thing? *GH: All the time! Other RPG Maker 2003 projects are great inspirations for pixel art tilesets, as well as how to code harder features such as custom menus. They’re also just fun to play.

Which character in your game do you relate to the most and why? (Alternatively: Who is your favorite character and why?) *GH: Lavender and Timmy are relatable to me in multiple ways. I can’t elaborate on Timmy since that would go into spoiler territory, but I somewhat relate to Lavender’s insistence on managing her life on her own - sometimes to her own detriment. I’d say the most fun character to write for was Grimm. He can be unintentionally silly while speaking in the most formal way, but also very caring too. Everything he does and says was easy to write, whereas I had to think harder for the interactions between everyone else - especially for very crucial scenes regarding their development. That being said, my favourite is still the game’s central two siblings. I can not pick between them for the life of me.

Looking back now, is there anything that regret/wish you had done differently? *GH: I wish I started testing even earlier! Not only does it give you a good sense of what’s missing, but seeing people enjoy what you’ve made yet get hindered by bugs is a very strong incentive to fix your game immediately. When I was lacking motivation or was stuck, I found that good feedback and support made me motivated again. I also wish that I could have pushed the deadline a little further, or perhaps released the game on Early Access since it will take me a while to refine post-release bugs - but as it is, the 31st of October really was the deadline for my game due to external circumstances (no, that deadline wasn’t just because it was Halloween!). Other than that, I wonder if using an updated version of RPG Maker would have produced the same game …? It’s hard to tell, but I hope people enjoy it for what it is - I will be working on that post-release patch soon!

Do you plan to explore the game’s universe and characters further in subsequent projects, or leave it as-is? *GH: There are no current plans, but I would be happy to have the opportunity to improve and expand on the game. As it is, the game’s released for free and done as a hobby, so I would struggle to do that by myself.

What do you most look forward to now that you have finished the game? *GH: Earlier on, I was really looking forward to players’ reactions. Games are made to be fun, and I would have felt distraught if my game didn’t achieve what it was set out to do. Yet it was not just about the gameplay; it was about the narrative. I hoped that what I found funny, the player would too; what was heartfelt to me, was heartfelt to the player as well. Like sharing a laugh, or just a good experience together. I hoped they would enjoy the feeling that went into it, despite the struggle of making it against circumstance and limitations. Now, I look forward to resting and sleeping once this over. I want to explore my other interests, improve, and explore new media. I want to relax, and refocus again like I was before the heat of development.

Is there something you’re afraid of concerning the development or the release of your game? *GH: Bugs! Some are easy to fix, but others are harder due to the limitations of the engine (e.g an error in one ending is caused by an overflow error).

Do you have any advice for upcoming devs? *GH: Show your game as early as possible, to as many people as possible. As soon as you have something playable, it’s ready for feedback. You’ll see if that game mechanic you spent hours refining works, or if it doesn’t work and why. You’ll understand what players enjoy and what they want more of, but also what they don’t like or don’t enjoy. And you will definitely encounter bugs. You’ll be able to pinpoint and fix minor problems early on that can easily become a larger issue later. You’ll be able to fine-tune your game so its best bits shine, and the difficulty is just right.

Question from last month's featured dev @dead-dreams-dev: Is there anything you’ve added to your game for no other reason than because you’re hoping fans will get a kick out of it? Fanservice, fourth wall breakage, references to other games, jokes, abilities that are just ridiculously overpowered and badass, etc? *GH: It’s hard to say; game design is trying to find the intersection between what’s good for the player, what the developer enjoys, and what’s feasible to implement. Every decision made should be conscious of that … I think a lot of the game’s early light-hearted jokes was not only made because I enjoyed it, but I hoped the player would “get a kick out of it” too. But more so, I think it’s because I would struggle to write a story which is serious and bleak from beginning to end. The game is a little self-indulgent in the narrative that way.

We mods would like to thank ghosthunter & team for agreeing to our interview! We believe that featuring the developer and their creative process is just as important as featuring the final product. Hopefully this Q&A segment has been an entertaining and insightful experience for everyone involved!

Remember to check out Grimm's Hollow if you haven’t already! See you next month! 

- Mods Gold & Platinum

[zabreti]

the time has finally come for me to start expressing what i have been overwhelmingly feeling for the past week, since i started to properly listen to this sunshine of a woman named joanna newsom. i want to- actually, i need to vent a little about the album ys, since it’s the one i first listened to. plus my initial contact with joanna’s work and thoughts that came with it

even though i only found out about her a few months ago, i guess everyone knows her(?); if you don’t, you should. there’s not one single moment in which i’m not mad at myself for not finding her sooner. so fyi, she’s a harpist, pianist, singer and songwriter from nevada. according to some sources, she may be the most famous harpist alive today; i really don’t know about you, but it really sounds quite badass for me.

i started searching for her stuff after watching her husband’s - andy samberg - multiple interviews, where he would be sometimes asked about their marriage. i’ve been binge watching random interviews with people i like for the last weeks, and i found myself actually watching some interviews of hers before i even got to listen to her music.

btw, look at this fucking adorable couple. just look at them for a second.

first of all, what a lovely woman! each answer, each laughter, each little thing she did on camera caused an admiration for the idea of andy and her together to grow strongly; i wasn’t even sure if it was ok for me to feel so strongly about someone else’s relationship. my curiosity grew when i started to read the comments on these videos on youtube, pretty much 100% of them being about her intelligence, her talent and how her music sounds angelical, mystical and perfectly constructed. (let it be said that it only grew more and more as i watched every single interviewer asking both andy and joanna about how different their works are, and how different they appear to be as individuals; not only was suggested that andy would probably not rise up to such an intelligent, serious taste as to fall in love with her (he doesn’t even need to say a word for anyone to realize how passionately in love he is with joanna and her entire work), but also said that no one could believe she was actually able to be a goofy, easy-going, good-humored person because of the lyrics she writes. ok, i could spend hours listing the unnecessary questions i identified in these interviews, and how i get easily annoyed by these famous hosts assuming stuff or trying to create an uncomfortable environment; and don’t even get me started on the fact that most of the interviews she was invited to would revolve around her relationship with andy. i’m choosing to let this feeling pass for now, since it’s not my focus today.)

i couldn’t help but start by saying all this since i truly adore andy’s works, and nothing feels warmer than realizing two amazing people are in love and have a family together by choice.

i mean..... ??????? c’mon. greatest couple alive. try and fight me on this.

another interesting thing i found out was that she dislikes streaming platforms similar to spotify, which probably (?) justifies the fact that i never came across her songs, since i use spotify on a daily basis and have been using it to find new artists for the last years. call me ignorant, it’s fine, truly; but i haven’t heard of similar opinions coming from artists, and it made me even more curious to know what this woman was expressing, creating, thinking. she actually told larry king: 

“spotify is a business model. it’s not good. it’s based on the idea of circumventing the payment of artists. (...) i’m not opposed to streaming. i understand that the world is shifting and that the way music is valued and monetized is shifting, and i’m ok with that. and i’m even ok with people not paying for music (...), i just wish that there was a better way to do it that didn’t only pay a company. (...) i haven’t heard of one [alternative to spotify] that seems built the way that i would prefer it to be built.”

one of spotify owners (owners or directors, idek and idec) even replied to her many critics, but she never changed her mind or retreated from defending even her honest, harsh comments about how spotify is “like a villainous cabal of major labels”. for me, that’s a badass woman. not only for expressing herself without giving a damn about anyone who might be offended in this process, but also for choosing the path that felt ethical and worthy, and being recognized all over the world for her talent while following her own ways. i know, right? simply awesome.

there i was, reading the endless comments on her interviews’ videos and wondering what the fuss was all about. there was nothing left for me to do other than to actually start listening to her songs. i could have done it by looking up her discography and starting from her first project, but somehow i stomped into the ys album, which was released in 2006, in youtube itself.

first of all, would you look at this freaking cover?

i found it absolutely gorgeous in each detail; in fact, i really wish to know if there are meanings in the little specific parts of the painting. maybe there aren’t any and i’m just trying to create a more complex joanna in my mind? sure, sounds like me. or maybe there are lots of ‘em and she already said it on camera and i simply missed this video? sure, sounds possible. i won’t lie, i spent so much time thinking about this cover... maybe way too much time. alright, on we go.

there are 5 tracks on the album: emily, monkey & bear, sawdust and diamonds, only skin and cosmia.

at first, i didn’t quite understand what i was listening to. and i’m not talking about the lyrics, i’m talking about the whole idea of the album, the artist, the genre. the conjunction formed by her high pitches and soft, delicious vocal variations, surrounded lovingly by the harp and the violins was very mysterious to me. at first, i wouldn’t be encouraged to keep listening to her. but something kept me there, seated, staring at the screen and paying attention to each second of it. it was an experience. a real transportation. i searched for the lyrics on genius, and anyone that would pass by my bedroom’s open door would see me completely enamored by what i was listening to, like a concentrated kid being told an epic, adventurous, huge, beautiful and complex story. that is exactly how i felt: in the middle of a field, picturing each image she described in the song; each figure, each feeling. she described it all in a way that made me wonder how can someone describe a dream so vividly, how can someone describe anything so perfectly, so fully, and not sound redundant, not sound at all boring. the way the melody and the lyrics fit together, as a gift perfectly wrapped and tightly involved in the most beautiful way. i repeat: it was an experience. it is an experience. this is not something you can listen to at any given time, at any given place; i would not dare to not pay attention each time i would plan to listen to it. this is how seriously submerged i felt by joanna in that moment; in that entire day.

all of this, all of this immersion, all of this dream-like state in which i found myself in, kept growing its roots in me throughout the entire album, in a way i needed to show someone - anyone - joanna before i even got to finish the five songs; and the first one that came near me happened to be my mother. while listening, she actually found it quite pleasing, “like some old movie’s soundtrack” when listening to emily, “like an 1960′s melody” when listening to sawdust and sand, and on she went about the entire album. and this got me thinking about how i would describe her genre; of course, after following her on bandcamp i found out i was actually listening to some folk/pop/avant-garde/baroque pop/chamber folk/indie stuff. sounds about right, but at the same time not right at all, for some reason. i believe it’s fair to say that joanna has a magical, rare quality to her music that makes it different to each one listening to it. i’ve said it too much and i’ll say it again: it’s an experience, a complete, true one. it ressonates with deep, personal places. and, strangely, it makes many people describe the feeling that urges to grow inside their hearts as “home”; and i share this exact same sensation.

i really don’t know if it makes any sense, but see: i cherish my alone time probably more than anything in the world. i have learned to be my own best friend in many ways, and being by myself in some quiet days, at my house, reading, listening, watching and creating is when i can truly be myself. with that said, listening to this album, i felt at home. it made me feel even more alone, and i mean it in the most loving, warm, hypnotizing way. 

the ys album is a relatively quick production to be heard, even though it feels like you’ve been gone for hours, days, weeks on end while listening to it. the amount of literary, historic and philosofical references in the lyrics is magically overwhelming; i simply wasn’t able to snap out of it for a long time, and i have, to this day, re-listened to the album about 5 times. still reading the lyrics again and again, still grasping at some expressions faintly but amazed, still finding out about hidden and not so hidden meanings behind each track. still defining it, every single day.

i hope for the great discoveries i feel like pursuing from her work, and the diverse new singers, song-writers, harpists, pianists, violinists, chellists and musicists in general i’ll try to find, understand and support from now on. i’m thankful for finding out how much i love the mix between an orchestra-like atmosphere and a sweet, honest voice ringing in my ears; and how the words assembled together feels like a psychography.

i thank the universe every single day for the opportunity to discover people like joanna newsom.

[girlsbtrs]

My Senior Soundtrack - Playlist

Written by Jen Moglia. Graphic by Allison Thompson. 

At the end of this month, I’ll finally be graduating high school. Typing that sentence definitely felt surreal. 

Years and years of hard work and stress, with some not-so-bad times mixed in, will culminate in the moment I’ve been waiting for for as long as I can remember. I had been told countless times that senior year would be easy and that high school would consist of the best years of my life, and while I did enjoy a lot of it, there were also some incredibly difficult times, especially this year. 

What follows is a list of songs that got me through some of those darker moments. I hope that they can be there for you too. 

“Roses” - Watsky

Favorite Lyric: “Leaving is supposed to be hard / Man, I thought it so was selfish of people I love to keep falling out of my life / But now I know / No, I don't take it personal”

This was a song that I connected with a lot when making decisions for college - did I want to move away and start a new adventure on my own, or did I want to stay home with all the people and places that I knew and loved? Listening to these lyrics helped me feel better about my decision to move away for school, learning that I wasn’t selfish for wanting to start fresh.

“Never Grow Up” - Taylor Swift

Favorite Lyric: “And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots / But don't make her drop you off around the block / Remember that she's gettin' older too / And don't lose the way that you dance / Around in your PJs getting ready for school”

Taylor Swift is one of my favorite artists of all time, and this song has been hitting particularly hard for me lately. For as much as I can’t wait to start this next chapter of my life, there’s so much about home and my family that I’ll miss more than they will ever know.

“Boston” - Augustana

Favorite Lyric: “She said ‘I think I'll go to Boston / I think I'll start a new life / I think I'll start it over / Where no one knows my name’”

Augustana’s most popular song, I listened to this track a ton when I was first starting high school, dreaming of running away someday. The fact that that day is almost here is crazy to me.

“Swim” - Jack’s Mannequin

Favorite Lyric: “You gotta swim, swim in the dark / There's no shame in drifting / Feel the tide shifting and wait for the spark / Yeah, you gotta swim, don't let yourself sink / Just find the horizon / I promise you, it's not as far as you think”

Another song that I loved in my late middle school/early high school years, this band and all of Andrew McMahon’s projects in general have been staples in my Spotify library for years. This track in particular served as motivation for me to keep going during hard times.

“North Hansen” - Bearings

Favorite Lyric: “I've got dreams, I've got needs / I've got things I believe / That I just can not let go / I still, think about you every single day / I still miss that old North Hansen Home / Sometimes I wanna go home / All I'm saying is the ending scares me every time / Your words replaying / Over and over I save them in my mind / Now I'm grabbing a hold / Of what's about to unfold”

On the flip side, Bearings has been a huge part of the last few years of my high school experience; their 2019 tour with Grayscale, Belmont, and Rich People was the first tour I ever did multiple dates of, and those days and nights I spent traveling and singing my heart out truly changed my life. I leaned on this band’s entire discography during my junior and senior year, but this song specifically reminded me that it’s okay to be scared of leaving home as the future approaches.

“Ribs” - Lorde

Favorite Lyric: “This dream isn't feeling sweet / We're reeling through the midnight streets / And I've never felt more alone / It feels so scary getting old / I want 'em back / The minds we had / How all the thoughts / Moved 'round our heads”

How could I make a “coming of age” playlist without this song on it? Lorde has been a big part of my life for a while now - her hit song “Royals” was the ringtone on my first Smartphone in fifth grade, and I saw her live for the first time on the night before my 15th birthday on her Melodrama World Tour in Brooklyn, New York. Much like the last song, this track perfectly captures the fear of the future and getting older.

“Atlantic” - Grayscale

Favorite Lyric: “This place feels more and more like nowhere to me / I'm sick of waiting for a fire to ignite / I could just leave here without a goodbye / I'll burn down this bridge / And set my life up in smoke...I want to go / Run from this panic / I need the unknown”

As I mentioned earlier, attending four dates of Grayscale’s Nella Vita Part One Tour and six dates of the album cycle in total (bringing me to a grand total of ten times seeing this band) was a formative experience for me. Getting to end every night screaming the lyrics to this song, once again, dreaming of starting a new life as soon as I could, was cathartic.

“City Lights” - Emblem 3

Favorite Lyric: “Caught up in those pretty city lights / Wishing on a star for your direction / Thinking of a new and different life / Babe, I know this one ain't what you've been dreaming”

I choreographed my “senior solo” in my dance class to this song, one of my favorites for many years. Although I have a feeling it’s about someone moving thousands of miles away to chase dreams of stardom rather than moving two hours away to attend college, it certainly served as a source of comfort for me.

“Play” - Rich People

Favorite Lyric: “Because I know I'm beautiful enough / For someone to love / I don't know many things / But I feel everything / And I'm just too young to give up”

Rich People is my favorite band of all time, which you probably already know if you follow me on social media, and getting to watch them perform and connect with them was a major part of why following the Nella Vita Part One Tour was so pivotal for me. This song is my favorite off of their most recent album “Harmony”, and my graduation cap will have these lyrics in frontman Rob Rich’s handwriting on it later this month. This band and this song mean everything to me.

“Dream Envy” - Rich People

Favorite Lyric: “It's no way to live / Sitting on the fence asking myself ‘what if?’”

Another Rich People song, no surprise here, this is one of my favorites from their first release, “Jacob’s Ladder.” It reminded me that “sitting on the fence asking myself ‘what if?’”, is, indeed, no way to live, and it pushed me to make definitive decisions, leaving no stone unturned.

“Something Bigger Than This” - Trophy Eyes

Favorite Lyric: “I'm still flying through my twenties / Waiting for someone to say I made it / Golden boy, tiny paycheck / Big ideas and broken heartstrings / Waking up in the same old skin / It ain't easy to believe / We were born for something bigger than this / It don't make much sense right now / But it will all come together when the lights go out”

I saw Trophy Eyes live for the first time at the start of my sophomore year at the Stereo Garden in Patchogue, New York, leaving my last-period algebra class early to attend their show with Neck Deep, WSTR, and Stand Atlantic (sorry, Ms. Sloane). Their music has resonated deeply with me since then, and this song has especially been a huge source of motivation for me when I was feeling down about myself.

“Forevermore” - The Maine

Favorite Lyric: “Never really ever felt this type of vulnerable / Don't have to hide, don't have to fear / All you have to be is here...And I said, ‘I wanna feel like this forever’ / Even if forever's just for now / We're on fire, let us burn / As the outside world, it turns / We are here and alive / In our corner of time / Forevermore”

The Maine is another band that I feel has been here for me for as long as I can remember, remaining in my daily rotation since the summer before high school started. This song, off their most recent album “You Are OK”, has reminded me that wherever I am is exactly where I need to be at that point in time and to embrace every single moment.

“Flowers on the Grave” - The Maine

Favorite Lyric: “Feel the moment all around you / And the quiet that surrounds you / The time you have is sacred / Don't wait around and waste it / They can't take that away from you / Everything is temporary / Even the sorrow that you carry...'Cause you don't plan life, you live it / You don't take love, you give it / You can't change what is written / So when fate cries, you listen / And flowers on the grave / Of the child that I used to be”

The first time that I saw The Maine was at the New York City date of their “The Mirror” tour at Webster Hall. When they closed with this song, I was near inconsolable; my friends were practically passing me around to hug me and make sure I was alright. Similar to the last song, this track reminds me to live life to the fullest and not take anything for granted, not wasting any time mourning the past and only looking towards the future.

“Old Book” - Real Friends

Favorite Lyric: “It really weirds me out / Because I never thought I'd be where I am today...This isn’t where I want to be / Getting older scares the shit out of me”

On the topic of bands that were constants for me in my formative years, Real Friends was one of the first pop-punk bands that I truly loved. I wore a shirt with their “The Home Inside My Head” album cover on it on my first day of high school, and their 2018 show with Eat Your Heart Out, Grayscale, and Boston Manor at Irving Plaza in New York City was one of my first real general admission concerts; I don’t think I’d be where I am today if I didn’t go to that show. This song  always served as a reminder that I wasn’t alone in my worries about the future, and that it would all be okay, even if I didn’t know what I was doing or where I was going.

“Satellite” - Rise Against

Favorite Lyric: “We'll come clean and start over / The rest of our lives / When we're gone, we'll stay gone / Out of sight, out of mind / It's not too late, we have the rest of our lives...This is a life that you can’t deny us now”

Four years ago this week, I saw Rise Against for the first time, opening for Deftones at Jones Beach in Wantagh, New York with my dad; at the end of July, I’ll get to see them kick off their latest tour at Pier 17 in New York City with one of my best friends. If that isn’t a full-circle moment, I don’t know what is. Rise Against is one of my favorite bands of all time, and their music has always made me feel strengthened and empowered. This song specifically inspired me to reclaim my own life, not letting anyone else determine the outcome and my mindset but myself - it’s also the perfect angsty soundtrack to a fresh start.

“Something Special” - A Will Away

Favorite Lyric: “‘Pull out your clothes / You're made for something special’ / If that's what it takes to get you out of bed / You think you're meant for California / But that's just in your head / I saw you howling at the street lights / Pressed against the skin you want to shed / You tore down all the walls for answers / And found this shit instead...Don't let the poison that surrounds you / Stifle out the life you want to live / Please know it truly doesn't matter / And truly never did”

Though I’ve been listening to them since my sophomore year of high school, A Will Away is a band that I really got into this year as a senior. “Something Special” is my favorite song off of their album “Here Again”, and while I know it wasn’t written about finding friends that feel like family, rejecting negativity, and starting a new chapter, that’s certainly what it’s about for me.

“Lead Balloon” - Vanna

Favorite Lyric: “This isn't how we die / You're not reading the ending right / You are meant for greatness / Open up your eyes and face it / Now to your feet and follow me / The road is hard but you're harder / Can't you feel your heartbeat starting?...You're weak but you can feel now / Your soul slowly getting out / You are so strong / And you'll have to carry on now / Cause I know that you know how”

Vanna’s “All Hell” was an album I discovered around this time last year, and I listened to it non-stop for all of summer 2020. It became one of my favorite records ever (and not just because of the pink aesthetic, though I do appreciate the use of my favorite color). When I was struggling a lot during the first few months of the COVID-19 pandemic in more ways than I could count, this song really helped me through, these lyrics in particular. It gave me hope that I’d make it to the end of my senior year celebrating, which, thankfully, I did.

“Give Yourself A Try” - The 1975

Favorite Lyric: “Won’t you give yourself a try?”

While the lyrics of this song are a bit odd, frankly pessimistic, and hard for a teenager to relate to, its catchy, more optimistic chorus served as a mantra for me throughout my last few years of high school. If I couldn’t take a chance on myself, why would anyone else want to? This song’s refrain sparked a ton of self-love in me, and I spent many nights dancing around to it in my bedroom. Also, I couldn’t leave this band off of this list - I’ve been listening to them since their self-titled LPs came out when I was 10 years old, and the album that this song is off of, “A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships”, is one of my favorite records of all time.

“Garden Song” - Phoebe Bridgers

Favorite Lyric: “I don't know how, but I'm taller / It must be something in the water / Everything's growing in our garden...She told me my resentment's getting smaller / No, I'm not afraid of hard work / I get everything I want”

Much like A Will Away, Phoebe Bridgers is an artist that I had known of and had recommended to me for years, but I only really started listening to her as a senior in high school. “Kyoto” and “Would You Rather” are probably my favorites by her, but this song, along with “It’ll All Work Out”, helped me through feeling scared for the future and wondering how I grew up so quickly.

“Growing Up” - The Maine

Favorite Lyric: “We'll never lose what we had...Growing up won't bring us down / Graduate, what's a kid to do now? / Get away, yeah / We've got so much to prove / 'Cause it's time to move on / And I start to let go...We're in this together / Yeah, we'll make it somehow / Nothing's gonna stop us now”

Finally, to close it out, one more song by one of my favorite bands ever, and one of the bands that carried me throughout my senior year, as well as all of my high school years. I had to include this one - my graduation pictures were captioned “graduate, what’s a kid to do now?” At its core, this is a song about holding on to childlike energy and teenage memories despite growing up and moving on. Every time I listen to it (which has been a lot, lately), I’m reminded that I have the best friends in the world who have given me some of the happiest years of my life, and that doesn’t have to end just because we’re getting older. “Growing up won’t bring us down.”

For more songs like this, you can follow my Spotify playlist titled “senioritis” here. 

Congratulations to everyone who is celebrating this month, whatever you might be graduating from!

[westernchords]

2020: a replay & reflection

so... here we are at the near end of a very long, unsettling & strange year. and at this particular moment in time, spotify has released its 2020 wrapped feature, an annual highlight for gay people everywhere (self VERY included). since the world is very large & this is a personal blog with a limited scope, i'll talk about what i know best: the view from my corner of the musical world.

i only had two songs in common with any previous year -- i wish i missed my ex by mahalia & sugar by brockhampton (... i know, the heartache is loud already,)

4 unique rain asmr audios made it into my top 15 (they help me sleep lolol)

show tunes was my #4 most listened to genre and yet not a single one made it into my top 100. (i'm pretty sure it was all of my late night waitress sing alongs)

i discovered 1,012 new artists and 162 new genres

all very fun and interesting things! however, in looking at this year, there are two things to discuss that are most important: the amount of time i spent listening to music (111,989 minutes) and my top song, fake mona lisa. let's discuss both.

on time: in short, music means a lot to me. in long, i mean that music has been central to my life for as long as i can remember. i think of my church choir and my mother singing eartha kitt and corrine bailey rae in the kitchen, my father's surprise talents at piano when he would play in chapel, and how i like to make up little ditties to sing for my dog or while i cook or to solely entertain myself. if one was to take a look at my journals, each entry is annotated with the song i was listening to or suited my mood at the time i was writing. at any moment, i am capable of revisiting the emotional landscape of old memories all set to the very soundtrack that holds that particular past closest.

i still remember plucking violin strings at 5, how i used to stack music books so i could sit up straight on my piano bench because i was too short at 7, picking up woodwinds in highschool and letting my best friend act as conductor, and now, singing endlessly- day in and day out, because it makes me feel like i am traveling home. i think of creole folk songs that connect me to my family, my diaspora. i remember the favorite songs and artists of people i don't know anymore, but still. it stays with me. my friend cj says i have a great emotional sensitivity to music, but more so, music simply connects to every cornerstone of who i am. the creation of it, the listening, the love of it. the constancy.

music is integral to my daily routine and life. since i was 13, maybe younger, i have always believed that the first song i hear in a day sets the tone so i always try to play something i love and makes me feel joyful to start off on the right foot. i will do this my entire life. every day is permeated by sound and the data shows it. 111,989 minutes is almost 3 months straight. this doesn't even count soundcloud listens or youtube tracks or music i play on my own. this felt fitting. music, this year in particular, has been a salve to both new and old hurt. and maybe i am picking at my scabs, but 2020 has amplified so much anger and shame and fear and despite that, there is so much joy in art. music is a balm for the world, it is poetry in its own right.

on fake mona lisa: so .. i am kind of obsessed with this song. fifteen hours worth of listening, i text my friends i'll join the video call soon - i just need one more replay, i got high and played this song while lying in the middle of a meadow and experienced more emotions than i had had in a very long time, my friends lovingly tease me about it so it's sort of like a character trait now, kind of obsessed. my turning to this song was the sort of romance that i didn't anticipate, but fell very hard into and, if you know me, you know that's my favorite kind. let's get into why: when dedicated side b came out, i was heartbroken. there's really no other way to put it. i was alone, back in my childhood bedroom, and harboring a reopened wound from past relationships that maybe had never closed in the first place. i was in this strange, melancholic knee-deep-in-emotions place & if you're an avid CRJ fan, you recognize that's a place she knows and sings about well.

as a song, fake mona lisa tends to be one of carly's more lyrically opaque tracks. which is fine, i'm a storyteller at heart, i'll craft my own narrative. (and honestly, there wasn't much legwork here.) without doing a full blown analysis, here are pieces that i find important to note about the song lyrically and resonate most with me -- big or small.

(transcription at bottom)

what i'm basically saying is that this song is about risk and young love and sex. its about secrets, cheap thrills, fast & easy desires, and the fantastical euphoria of a dead-end-but-still-fun “we're young so what's the matter,“ relationship. (very reminiscent of LA hallucinations, imo) and to me, someone who has been in and out of this same subset of emotional affairs, fake mona lisa stuck with me. vegas is a city of high risk, high reward- where else to chase that superficial, unattainable someone? more so, the song gives you the understanding that the relationship doesn't last, but that was not what carly ever truly wanted out of it. fake mona lisa is, at its core, about over indulgence in pleasure as a stand in for actual love + commitment, something i am oft to do myself & only did more of after dedicated side b dropped. i latched onto the slow and simmering exposition into glittery pre-chorus, starlit imagery, shiny-faraway vocals, and frankly, there was no competition for my song of the year. the song is a dream. i love it and i know what that says about me, but i stand by it. 

dedicated side b, especially fake mona lisa, carried me through the healing process of heartbreaks that crystallized into many other things- indulgence, desire, risk, short lived romances, secrets, joy, kisses i should've kept to myself, spontaneous dance breaks, tears, etc., it is an album about love, recovery, and returning to the self. fake mona lisa is just my favorite stop on a long train ride to an okay-ness with aspects of romance (both with the self and others) that i am still figuring out the messy, rose-tinted, contours of.

and sonically? i just adore the key of d minor.

as a last touch point, fake mona lisa was only the tip of the iceberg of songs  i obsessed over about not-exactly-ideal romances. again and again and again, heartbreak anthems appeared in my top 100, a deviation from my typical warmth towards romantic sentiments that appeared in past years. instead, there is a sense of love-at-a-distance, a painting yourself as the object of desire, a severed attachment, a not wanting to commit at all (see let's be friends, heartbeat, want you in my room, all by crj ... all appearing on the list.) however, much of what appeared celebrated love and having tremendous, special, struck by cupid, feelings. it's all there. what i'm saying is that carly rae jepsen writes music for lovestruck people- both lucky and not so much, hopeless or hopeful -- you name it. she writes about how you can fall in love with almost anyone, soundtracks for the highs of the first throes of intimacy, the first (and last) kiss, the shared moments between two people when they are each other's whole world, and the palpable distance of heartache, separation, and the landscape between. 

she writes as though she is both eros and psyche, armed with arrows of cascading melodies, tipped with a salve for suppressing+healing+amplifying heartbreak, and lyrics so intimate and dreamy, you really can't help but believe in love with the way she speaks of it. love is a venture from shame, a fantasy that is more real than anything else, tender and kind, pleasurable, and escapable into. the world is better in it, the world is better because of it. in carly rae jepsen's discography, love is the defining pillar of experience. a northern star and guiding principle. it is the only thing, no matter what form. & frankly? i cant help but agree.

as a final note, in hanif wills-abdurraqib's emotion review for MTV, carly rae jepsen's public displays of affection, he says this:

thats all for now. bye 2020.

- august

///

transcription of my notes:

verse 1:

city/star light imagery

i am known for wearing a star stamp on my cheek

infatuation & attraction

paints a photo of a starlet and her lover, a fair weather affair

pre-chorus:

always waiting fro a chance the object of desire

a high from love, addictive pleasures

chorus:

sex & art & risk taking (art synonymous with beauty. + seduction)

she knows she cant handle this in a real way, but wants it

desire vs/& (in conjunction with) pain

verse 2:

an idealistic worldview, hoping for the best, always somewhere else not present. 

dreamy lyrics + dreamy state of mind, cloudy even.

specifically the words fake mona lisa:

contrast, beautiful yet fully acknowledged to be unreal/superficial

a stand in for “real art“ aka “real love“

[theexecutionerssong]

Music asks 🎶

What’s the biggest misconception about your fav artist?

Do you prefer the pit or having a seat during concert?

If you’re in the pit, front row or chilling / dancing at the back?

Have you ever been brought on stage during a concert?

Tell me about or link me to a note change during a live performance so good you couldn’t believe your ears

Write down your dream set list for any artist of your choice

What is a gig you wish you’d been able to go to (but either couldn’t go, or because you weren’t even born)?

An artist you never saw live but really want to

What is the fav gig you’ve been to?

Tell me about your fav crowd moment

Do you prefer big or small venues?

Do you prefer loud or quiet crowds?

What is a song that makes you cry?

What is a song that makes you dance?

What is the cover that you think is even better than the original?

Have younever been in the crowd when an artist debuted a song? Who and what song?

Who is your fav concert photographer? Drop their ig!

Going solo to a concert: yes or no?

If there was one thing you could tell to concert goers, what would it be?

What is the craziest thing you’ve done for an artist?

Have you ever been abroad for a gig?

Have you ever seen the same artist more than once? How many times? Was it in a row?

Does it matter to you if a singer writes their own songs or not?

Have you ever cried at a concert? To which song?

How are your playlists organized?

Do you listen to the radio?

Do you listen to the curated playlists on Spotify?

Name an underrated artist

If you take pics during concerts, what’s your fav camera and settings for live photography?

Bluetooth headphones/speakers/mic: yes or no? Do you hear the difference?

How do you find new artists to listen to?

Do you buy physical copies or do you only stream music?

Merch: yes or no? What kind of merch do you like?

During a concert: scream the lyrics at the top of your lungs or listen quietly?

Tell me a random fact about your fav

Have you ever been acredited to shoot a concert?

What’s your dream collab?

What is your fav festival that you’ve been to?

Name an artist you need to see live at least once in your life

Do you track the music you listen to through last.fm or renaissance or similar apps?

Flags and signs at concerts: yes or no?

Name the top 5 albums you could listen to for the rest of your life

If you could meet your fav artist to have a chat around coffee, what would you tell them?

Is there a festival you’d wish to go to some day?

Meet and greet at concerts: yes or no?

What was the loudest crowd ever? Tell me about it

Who was the first artist you saw live?

Do you have concerts planned?

Tell me about the next release from an artist you’re really looking forward to

Have you ever made a playlist for someone?

What is your fav instrument?

Do you play an instrument yourself or sing?

Have you ever been to the first show / tour of an artist?

Have you ever been to the last show / farewell tour of an artist?

Have you ever been inside a recording studio?

The cheapest and most expensive tickets you ever bought: who was it? was it worth it?

Have you ever regretted seeing an artist live?

Have you ever wrote a song yourself?

Post a picture from a gig that you’ve taken and that you’re proud of

Have you ever been to a concert just for the opening act?

If you could bring back one artist/band, who would it be?

What was the longest time you’ve queued for an artist and who was it?

Name 3 songs that you could have written

Name 3 songs that empower you

What is the theme song of your life at the moment?

Name your fav artist from your country

Who is your fav musician?

Tell me about a soundtrack in movies or tv shows that really left an impression on you. It can be just a song during a specific scene

Do you have specific memories from your childhood that are music related? Tell me about it

What is your go to song for a karaoke night?

Who is your fav songwriter?

Do you like songs from an artist you can’t stand? who is it and which ones?

What is your fav musical?

What is the name of your most original playlist?

Is there songs you just never skip when they come on shuffle? Which ones?

Are there songs you only listen to when you’re in a specific mood?

Give me the title of a song i need to listen to right now and I’ll give you one

What is your fav song from the year you were born?

What is the most important to you in a song: the lyrics, the melody, the voice range?

If you had to choose one live album, what would it be?

What is one song that doesn’t have a studio version but really should?

Is there a venue in which you’d love to attend a concert?

Best live performer?

A line from a song that really moved you

Is there anything music related on your bucket list?

[tillidontneedfantasy]

‘Future Nostalgia’ - Dua Lipa REVIEW: Changing the game through timeless pop.

Pop music is important. It distracts us, it brings us joy, it makes us dance, it attaches itself to memories forever. This is Dua Lipa’s blueprint for her sophomore release, Future Nostalgia. It’s there in the name; she wants her music to be everlasting, so that it can be branded with one of the fondest descriptors possible: nostalgic. 

Quite an ambitious objective, but not surprising for 2019′s Best New Artist Grammy winner. There is great pressure that comes with such a title, but Dua has proved herself worthy of it on Future Nostalgia. She does not just want to be the best new artist, but one of the best artists, period. “You want a timeless song, I wanna change the game,” is the opening line of the album and title track. Luckily, we all win in this scenario; although the song itself might not be the game changer, there are plenty of tracks on the album that are game changers because they have a timeless feel to them, which is not something many of her contemporaries are doing. 

Future Nostalgia’s only drawback is that there is not much lyrical depth; despite misconception, pop music can explore profundity, especially considering the subject matters of love and heartbreak, which are prominent themes of the album. However, I can accept and respect pop music that operates closer to surface level as well, especially when it’s done as well as it is on Future Nostalgia; I mean, I’m not complaining.

STRONGEST TRACK(S): “Don’t Start Now,” “Pretty Please”

Has there ever been a lead single as strong as “Don’t Start Now”? Co-writers and producers for the track include Ian Kirkpatrick, Emily Warren and Caroline Ailin, all of whom penned her excellent breakout song, “New Rules” (sans Lipa) in 2017. The song is split into three segments- verse, pre-chorus, and chorus- all of which sound distinctly different from the others, yet feel like such a natural equation. The bongos in the chorus and the later addition of a string section over the synths, leading to a full and rich final chorus just throw you for such an exciting loop, it is impossible to not have fun listening to this song. On top of the melodic genius of the song, its straightforward lyrical message is just as empowering as the music itself. “Don’t Start Now” is Dua’s expression of liberation from the pain of a heartbreak, and a warning to the breaker in question not to come crawling back when he sees how much she is thriving, and boy, is she!

Despite the enormous success of both “New Rules” and “Don’t Start Now,” Kirkpatrick and Ailin only work with Dua on one other track of the album, “Pretty Please,” and it should come as a surprise to no one that it is the next strongest song on the record. Penned alongside singer-songwriter phenomenon Julia Michaels and co-produced by Juan Ariza, “Pretty Please,” a track about needing the sweet relief of a lover, is one of the album’s few breathers. And in it, Lipa is asking for a breather herself: “when my mind is running wild, could you help me slow it down?” she asks, and then the song brilliantly does just that when she sings the next line, “put my mind at ease,” before returning to its original speed. There are other great musical tricks sprinkled throughout the song, such as a sound that mimics the feeling of the line “trickle down my spine.” The track continues to build musically but is never too much, it’s always just right. 

WEAKEST TRACK: “Boys Will Be Boys”

She tried with this one. She really did. Look, I love a song with a strong feminist message as much as the next girl, but this one was just a swing and a miss. The first verse of “Boys Will Be Boys” starts off strong, quite accurately depicting the fear women face on a daily basis, the way we have to alter our behavior to keep ourselves safe. But with each verse, it feels less sincere and more contrived, with lyrics such as “in case you needed it mansplained” and “if you’re offended by this song, you’re clearly doing something wrong.” Additionally, it is an odd closer for an album full of fun pop songs; it’s possible it is there as a warning for anyone who might get to the end of the album and think negatively of how she asserts her femininity and sexuality in a way throughout that is universally accepted when men do the same. And while the intended message is indeed important and true, it lacks the necessary delivery.

THE IN-BETWEENS

The delivery on the lust-filled, dance-inducing tracks are much more effective. “Cool,” an incredibly infectious song about losing control around the person you’re into, experiments with Dua’s vocal abilities and range, with pointed squeaks at the end of her words and a gorgeous switch into her lower register at the beginning of the final chorus. “Physical,” the second official single, is an intense and wildly fun song that could work as the soundtrack for a long drive, a night at the bar with friends, or in a workout class. While the album very successful achieves sonic cohesion, it can sometimes get a bit tiresome; “Hallucinate” feels like it was made simply to be played at festivals, and although the lyrical sentiment of “Love Again” is nice enough it could have been a moment for a more subtle musical departure. 

BEST PROSPECTIVE SINGLE: “Levitating”

Never thought I’d be such a fan of a song that uses the term “sugarboo,” yet, here I am. No track on the record quite captures the concept of “future nostalgia” as well as “Levitating” does, with its futuristic sounds and lyrics that I can imagine we will be singing forever (yes, even the “sugarboo” bit!). In every way, it perfectly encapsulates the pure elation that comes with meeting someone and feeling a heaven-made connection. Every element of this song makes it a necessary single choice: it’s extremely catchy, it has a perfect tempo for anyone of any age to dance to it, “yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!”s, and lyrics in the hook that are perfectly spaced out to remember and chant (”you! moonlight! you’re my! starlight!”). Bruno Mars WISHES he wrote it; it feels like a song for which everyone would get up at a wedding to dance for years and years to come. I, for one, will get up every time, at least.

***

It’s impossible that Dua could have predicted while creating her album that this would be the state of the world at the time of its release. Many artists with new projects have decided to cancel or postpone their releases until further notice due to the COVID-19 pandemic. This is understandable for a myriad of reasons, from the inability to properly promote the work to feeling as if it just might not be the appropriate time. Although it might feel like there is little to dance about right now with the world crumbling around us, Future Nostalgia gives us reason, now and for the future, when we can hopefully look back and remember an album that provided us levity in our darkest hour. So stay indoors, facetime your sugarboo, and thank whatever the hell you pray to for pop music. Grade: 4/5

DISCLAIMER - REVIEWER’S BIAS: I have been a casual fan of Dua since “New Rules” exploded on Tumblr in 2017, but not much more. However, I have a specific fondness for her, as my favorite client of all time was a huge fan of her shortly after, so when I listen to Dua it reminds me of her. I hope she’s loving this album and that it’s bringing her joy and comfort in this uncertain time. I’m a huge proponent for female pop artists and the meticulousness of their craft, and I think Dua has done an excellent job of taking constructive criticism and improving, utilizing her strengths in a way that blur out her weaknesses. The release of “Don’t Start Now” felt like a turning point in her stardom, and this album is the proof. I really would like to see some stronger lyrical work from Dua, as I feel there are little to no moments on the album where I feel impressed or particularly moved by any line, and although I love and support fun and light pop music, I think it’s also very possible to have upbeat pop music with much sharper lyrics. I think she kind of tried but the few times she did they didn’t quite land. If she had a couple of songs stronger on the lyrical front, this would have been a nearly perfect album for me. But for a sophomore effort, this is great. It feels like a nice breath of fresh air in a time that’s filled with anxiety-ridden gasps, and I’m grateful for it. 

[sage-nebula]

Game Review — Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles Remastered Edition

About seventeen years ago, I played a Gamecube game called Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles, and for the most part I really loved it. I got lost in every single dungeon all the time, and I really hated the annoying moogle I had to drag around, but other than that I loved the game. So it makes sense, then, why I would be excited when I heard it was getting a remastered release on Switch.

Overall Score: 6/10

While I was happy to get a chance to play this game again, I feel like Square-Enix whacked both of its kneecaps in two different ways. One, they did a remaster instead of a remake, meaning they just gave it a little polish instead of fixing existing issues; and two, they decided for some reason to port it to mobile phones, which I feel created some issues, though I admit I don’t have any proof of that. While I still enjoyed my time with the game for the most part, it definitely receives a lower score than I think I would have given the original in my youth. More details under the cut, best viewed on my blog for formatting.

The Pros:

This isn’t specific to the remaster, but rather more about the game itself, but one thing I think is notable about the setting is that it’s essentially a post-apocalyptic story, but it’s one where the people haven’t completely fallen into despair and ruin. I mean, some places have; there’s a village called Tida whose caravan never returned and so they all died slow deaths of miasma as their crystal’s protection ran out. But in other villages, including the player’s hometown, people are living their lives as best they can. Some people are even trying to find a way to get rid of the miasma altogether. While of course there is much to stress about and also people’s memories being taken from them, overall the world looks a bit brighter than in most post-apocalyptic stories. It’s always nice when post-apocalyptic stories recognize that even after the end, life still goes on.

I’ve also always rather enjoyed the way the way the game constantly reminds you that you’re not the only caravan out on this journey. You encounter caravans from other towns and villages pretty often, and their stories intersect with yours, growing as the in-game years pass. It’s another thing that makes the world feel alive, because you see again and again that there are other heroes out there, heroes of their own stories, that you’re just one of many in this world trying your best to get by and keep your village alive.

The soundtrack is also something that deserves praise, because it has a very . . . Celtic, I think? flair to it that really suits the setting, especially since the narrator has (what I believe is) an Irish accent. I can’t think of a single bad song in the entire game, and many of them are catchy and bouncy and fun to listen to.

After each little cutscene or dungeon, you get an entry added to the in-game journal, and I enjoy those as well. It helps keep track of the little side stories going on (since they span over years), and I like how some of them change depending on the choices you’re given in any given cutscene. That said, I do have a slight issue with them as well, but I’ll discuss that in a different section.

If you play single-player, the game assigns a moogle named Mog to carry the crystal chalice through the dungeons with you so you don’t suffocate due to the miasma. (In multiplayer, another player has to carry it.) This results in Mog getting tired, saying, “I’m tired, kupo, it’s your turn!” and making you carry it sometimes anyway, even if you’re being chased by monsters. When I played this game as a kid, it seemed like he was saying this EVERY FIVE SECONDS and it was THE MOST annoying thing. But it didn’t feel as frequent this time, and when I looked it up, I saw that the devs actually did extend the amount of time Mog could carry the chalice before he got tired. I appreciated this very much, even if Mog was still annoying.

The Neutrals:

From what I can tell, there wasn’t really a graphics overhaul done, except to increase the jiggle physics on female Selkies, which . . . I’m not a prude, I don’t really care that much (even though it can be distracting), but of all the things you chose to fix, it was this? Square-Enix, please.

While on the one hand I like that there’s no set order that you can encounter the random travel cutscenes in, that they can happen whenever, because it makes it feel like a more realistic journey . . . it also creates the problem that the events will still trigger even if you’re already finished the associated quest line. For example, to get the Unknown Element that lets you reach the final boss area, you have to complete a series of actions in Lynari Desert. You find out what you have to do through a series of travel cutscenes with a swindler named Gurdy, who gives you poem verses that strongly hint at what you need to do. I had a few of these before I reached the desert, but not all of them, so I just looked up a guide to get the remainder of the instructions. Despite this, I still later triggered the final Gurdy cutscene, and so it was like my character was standing there with the desert treasure while Gurdy told her about the desert treasure . . . it’s not a huge deal, but it does show how the idea of having random travel cutscenes is kind of flawed. (Additionally, you can beat the game without even finishing certain stories as a result, so it’s entirely possible you could get to Mio and not know who she’s talking about in the end. It’s not game breaking, but it is a bit of an issue too.)

The Cons:

The LOADING TIMES, OH MY GOD. This game has the longest loading times of any game I have ever played on the Switch, and I confirmed with someone who has played the original a billion times that these loading time issues were not present in the original game, meaning they are a direct result of development on the “remaster.” Literally, the game goes to a blank loading screen that lasts a good minute or two for almost everything. For every cutscene you have, any time you leave or enter a place, hell, even QUITTING THE GAME has a “Closing Software” box for FAR LONGER than any other Switch title, to the point where it made me afraid for a moment that my Switch, brand new though it is, was broken. I don’t know why the loading times are so bad, but I personally blame it on Square-Enix wanting to make the game multiplatform (multiplatform including fucking cell phones), thus not optimizing it for any one console. And on a similar note . . .

Online multiplayer is region-locked. Yes, you read that right. Two friends who I’d originally intended to caravan with live in Europe, and since I live in North America, we were unable to play together since Square-Enix decided to region-lock online multiplayer. It is honestly the most batshit stupid thing I have ever heard of. The only reasoning I can think of for why they did this is because of mobile phone support; it’s entirely possible that there is something within a phone’s SIM card that would make it not possible to play multiplayer across different continents, but honestly I have trouble believing even that since I believe that’s not a problem in other mobile games. Either way, the entire point of online play is to be able to play with anyone, no matter where they are, and the fact that in the year 2020 Square-Enix decided it was a good idea to region-lock online play is fucking ridiculous.

A minor complaint, but you can’t use the left joystick to scroll between items in menus. You have to use the little arrow buttons instead. This was also the case in the Switch port of Final Fantasy XII, so I think it’s a Square-Enix preference thing, but it annoyed me and I wish they’d at least give the option to change button configuration around.

There’s backtracking as the years go on that I personally found kind of annoying, especially when it made me go to dungeons I didn’t particularly like. The thing is, the gameplay in FFCC doesn’t have a lot of variance; you go to three dungeons, you fight three bosses, then the year ends and you repeat it the next year. The only real variety is in the dungeons themselves as you get to explore new ones. But in Year 5, you HAVE to repeat dungeons because you’re blocked off from going to new areas. And at a certain point there stops being new dungeons altogether, so you have to repeat dungeons if you want to get myrrh for the village. And yeah, the dungeons are a bit harder each time, but the layout is still the same, and so it made what was already a repetitive style of gameplay even more repetitive, which honestly made me eager to finish it as quickly as possible despite wanting to grind as long as possible when I first got the game because I wanted to avenge my childhood self, who never managed to beat the final boss.

The four different races to choose from all have different styles of gameplay, and you can make multiple characters in one file to fill out your caravan / open specialty shops all around town. The problem is, the only character in the caravan who gets stat boosts and experience from the dungeons is the one who goes through them, and the dungeons get tougher each time they’re completed. So unless you constantly rotate your characters, creating more characters to fill out the caravan and be able to use different play styles per different boss (such as using a Yuke when facing a boss like Dragon Zombie who can really only be affected by magic) is a pointless waste of time because your extra characters won’t be strong enough to face the boss you need them to face. I don’t know if this was an issue in the original, but it’s definitely a disappointing issue here.

While some of the journal entries change depending on your answer choices, I found it disappointing that the journal entries don’t change (or at least don’t always) change depending on what type of character you chose to play as. The specific example I have in mind is that I chose to play as a Selkie, and through the course of the journey I of course traveled to Leuda, which is home of the Selkies. If you choose to play as a Selkie, you can participate in a minigame there and no one will steal from you. Additionally, since you see in various dungeons that Selkies have had a very rough time of it and for the longest time couldn’t put a home base anywhere, I had it in my head that my Selkie character would feel like she returned home, in a sense, even though she personally didn’t grow up in Leuda. I mean, this is the land of her people, this is where Selkie history is richest, this is the reward they got for all the suffering they experienced. (And sort of still do, since the other races tend to be prejudiced against them, and one Selkie in Leuda even says that he thinks everyone else wants Selkies to just disappear.) But despite all of this, the journal entry for Leuda states that the main character had their wallet stolen and never wants to go back. That sort of entry makes sense if you’re playing as one of the other three races, but it doesn’t fit Selkies at all and was pretty disappointing. That’s just one example, but I’m sure there were others, and it would have been nice if a bit more thought was put into play here.

All in all, I still think that Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles is a game worth playing. I really like the worldbuilding, as well as the characters, and I did have fun with it. With that said, though, I think that Square-Enix should have given this game a proper remake instead of a remaster, and should have made it a Switch exclusive (just as the original was a Gamecube exclusive) so that they could optimize it for the hardware, instead of being greedy and putting out one that didn’t play very well just so they could make cross-platform money. But despite those issues, if you want a unique action-RPG, I don’t think that FFCC’s remaster would be a bad choice to try out.

[outerspaceisbetterthannothing]

Stuck with me [Ashton Irwin] Ch.2

playlist

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

Summary: Can a sudden meeting really change your life for the better? Or will it be just another mistake they made?

A/N: Soz it took so long, but I’m really happy to be back on track. And I’m also happy with these two dorks here. They are adorable. The feedback is extremely appreciated. Enjoy

Warnings: none, apart from a little sadness

Chapter 2

“So, how exactly are we going to get inside?” Ashton asked after couple of minutes.

Y/N sighed heavily.

They were sitting in his black pontiac not far from the place she only yesterday could call home. Her eyes were glued to the entrance, waiting and praying, that her ex’s lazy ass will get out soon enough. His car was parked right in front of the building, so she was pretty sure he was still inside. And having close to no wish to see Josh ever again, she asked Ashton to wait till he would go somewhere. Despite an early hour, they could already feel the heat of another sunny day in LA. Y/N sighed again.

“I know where he keeps the spare key,” she confessed, feeling Ashton looking at her.

Ashton sniffed, but didn’t say anything. They drowned in silence again. It wasn’t heavy silence, but Y/N would lie if she said it wasn’t an awkward one.

Ashton turned on the radio and started going through the stations, but after five minutes or so he turned it off again.

“So, what do you do?” Y/N asked and snorted right after those words left her mouth.

Ashton looked at her, quirking his eyebrow quizzically.

“I’m sorry,” she said, still giggling a little. “Thought that I’ve already agreed to kinda live with you and only now started asking questions. And, I mean, with my luck, chances are you’re in a gang or something.”

“That would be not very good for you,” Ashton muttered, amused more by her nervous giggling than the fact that in her imagination he could end up being in a gang.

“So, what do you do for a living?” she asked again after calming down.

“I’m a musician,” he stated simply and earned another look of surprise.

“Musician?”

“Well, yeah.”

Y/N moved in her seat to face him, though still having the entrance in her peripheral, and asked again, her words full of doubt, “No, wait, like real musician getting paid for his music or like every second guy in LA who isn’t an actor?”

Ashton laughed, quite surprised by her remark and how fair it really was.

“No, first option,” he answered. “I’m actually in a band.”

“What kind of band?” she asked, hardly capable to keep her interest at bay.

“Well, you’ve probably heard of us,” Ashton said, looking away from her and getting slightly uneasy all of a sudden. He totally forgot the feeling of that moment, telling somebody about his work and the band, too used to people knowing his name and almost everything that was behind it. “5 seconds of summer?”

He felt with his skin the awkwardness of that moment. She looked at him amused, shaking her head a little. “Never heard,” Y/N admitted easily and then added, “but I’m not into music, I never remember band’s names. So what kind of music do you play? Are you a guitarist or something?”

“I’m a drummer,” Ashton chuckled. From all the girls in this city he found the one who’s never heard about him. How little was the chance, really? “As for what kind of music, well, kinda pop-rock maybe. I don’t even know, that’s a hard question, we try not to narrow ourselves with specific genres, to be honest.”

He looked back at her, she was puzzled, but still interested.

“Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have megalomania or something, but you must have heard at least some of our songs,” he said with yet another chuckle.

Y/N just shrugged. “I don’t really care about music,” she explained. “Anything that plays on the radio or at a party is good enough for me.”

“Unbelievable,” Ashton rumbled, getting his phone out and going through his spotify. Couple moments later first sounds of She Looks So Perfect filled the car.

Y/N kept her eyes on the phone in Ashton’s hand. Soon she was nodding her head to the beat, a ghost of a smile on her lips. “Not bad,” she said halfway through the song, “but never heard it before.”

“You have to be kidding me,” Ashton almost groaned, tapping on another song.

When you're talking to your girls, do you talk about me? Luke and Mike started the verse. Ashton fixed his eyes on the girl in his passengers seat, who was smiling at him and shaking her head in silent apology.

“Come on! It was the soundtrack for the Ghostbusters remake!”

“I don’t watch remakes,” she winced.

“Is it some kind of a life philosophy?” Ashton couldn’t hold back and laughed.

“You can say so, I guess,” she agreed. “They’re just never as good as the original. But the song is cool.”

Ashton huffed. Now it was a challenge. They did joke about being the biggest band nobody heard about, but… If Ashton was completely honest, he always took it as a joke and joke only. He scrolled up through the list of their songs and tapped on another one.

Remember the words you told me "Love me 'til the day I die"

“Oh,” she ushered with a look of genuine surprise on her face, “I’ve heard this! I’ve definitely heard this, at a bar, I think! So it’s your song? That’s sick!”

“Tell me about it,” Ashton laughed again at her excitement.

“So how did you make it to the big scene?” Y/N asked, giving a building in front of them another worried look. She knew they couldn’t sit here the whole day.

“Well, we’re from Australia,” Ashton started.

“I thought, I heard the accent, just couldn’t figure it out,” Y/N said, smile still on her face.

“Yeah, we left home long ago,” he nodded. “So we kinda started pretty young, got some fans there, then moved to London, got to tour with 1D. Have you at least heard about One Direction?” he mocked her, quirking an eyebrow again.

“Yes, I have, mister Music. They are a boyband, right?”

“Yeah, so we toured with them for some time, then released couple of pretty successful albums. That’s like long story short.”

Y/N nodded. The rest of the album came after Youngblood, and Ashton turned on his phone again to stop the music, but she stopped him almost intuitively, lightly brushing her hand against his. He looked at her, stunned with this contact. And ten hours ago she couldn’t even speak to him. But Y/N didn’t notice the surprise in his eyes, her attention at the building again.

“So, your band is like 1D?” she asked a moment later.

“No, we’re different. And we’re better,” Ashton answered with a smug smile.

Y/N turned to him again, amused with such a bold answer. “How so?”

“We’re still together,” he stated.

“1D aren’t together anymore?”

Ashton burst out laughing at the exasperated look on her face. She couldn’t fake it even if she tried. “You’re unbelievable,” he repeated.

Y/N rolled her eyes and smiled, looking even younger than she was.

But the very next moment her smile faded away, as the door to the building opened, two people coming out. The guy was tall and lanky, he was holding a girl in a too short dress by the hand. Ashton didn’t even need to ask if that was Y/N’s ex, he understood everything by the way she straightened up and got smaller at the same time. The guy and the girl got in an old rusty car and went away in an opposite direction. Ashton looked at Y/N again with a question in his eyes.

Y/N shrugged. “I’ve already known he was a dickhead, not a big deal,” she answered his silent question. “Let’s just go through with it as fast as possible.”

Ashton nodded and they both got out of the car.

The insides of the building were just as shabby and uninviting as the outsides. Ashton looked at Y/N’s back, she walked first. She seemed so young, pretty and innocent. She didn’t belong here in a slightest. Couldn’t she see it herself?

Y/N, unaware of the attention given to her back, made her way to the post boxes, fished the key out of one of them, and rushed to the stairs with a satisfied grin on her face. Ashton followed suit.

Little apartment on the third floor though looked cozy and carefully looked after. Ashton didn’t really expect to see that, but, he would bet, it was all because of Y/N. A week without her, and that douchebag of her ex would make this place fit the surrounding.

Y/N didn’t waste any time. The moment Ashton entered the apartment, she was already in the tiny kitchen searching for something. Two minutes later she rushed into the supposed bedroom with a pack of trash bags. Ashton looked around the living room and decided to follow Y/N.

Bedroom looked as neat as the living room except for the undone bed, left by two people not so long ago. Y/N was standing there and just looking at this bed, like only now she’s realised that her ex cheated on her in their bed and it was really the end of their relationship. Ashton coughed, bringing her back to the reality. Y/N jumped a little and tuned to the wardrobe, trying not to look at Ashton.

“So, what exactly happened between you and that moron?” he asked, looking as she took one trash bag and started to put there all her clothes, not even looking at things that were disappearing inside the bag. Ashton came up to her and picked up the trash bag to help her.

“Thanks,” she smiled a little, but all her look was screaming about how awful she felt here and how much wanted to leave. “Nothing new, to be honest,” she started talking, not sparing him another look. “We were at that bar with his friends. I never really got on with them, they just didn’t like me, don’t know why,” she shrugged.

That’s because they all knew you were thousand times better than all of them, Ashton thought, but kept it to himself.

“So Josh, my ex, started to flirt with that girl, which wasn’t new also. But, for some reason, I wasn’t ready to tolerate it anymore. So I came up to him and we started fighting, right in the middle of a bar. What was different this time though,” Y/N continued, taking another trash bag and collecting her shoes, mostly flats and sneakers, “is that he was really angry. I’ve never seen him so angry with me. When things went really off the window, he started shouting, said I was useless, worthless, not sexy. You know,” she shrugged, stepping to the chest of drawers, “all the pretty things a guy can say to his girl. And then he did the most romantic thing, he slapped me on the face and said I can go back to the hole he digged me out from.”

Ashton felt his knuckles hurting from how hard he was holding on a trash bag. He looked at her back, wanted to say he was sorry that she end up with a shitty man like that, that she had to go through all of it. But something stopped him. He knew, pity was not something she needed or wanted right now.

“And thank you,” she said, not looking at him but still being able to read his mind. “For not saying how you’re sorry. With Josh I totally got what I was asking for. I was stupid from the beginning, and here I am now.”

Nobody deserves that, thought Ashton still looking at her back. He felt the urge to say something, to change the topic, to get her from that awful memory somehow. But she did everything hersels. Y/N grabbed a hoodie and a pair of leggings from a pile of clothes she digged from her drawers and disappeared in the bathroom, leaving Ashton with “Hold on a second.”

Ashton looked around the bedroom one more time. Not more than ten minutes she spent packing her stuff. Empty shelves in a closet looked oddly sad. Y/N packed all the books from a tiny bookshelf, the only two photo frames and rather small pile of makeup. Not much, but without these few things the room was left empty and almost depressing. Not a sign of a neat cozyness he saw when entering the room.

Y/N came back from the bathroom and pushed the dress from the other night down one of the trash bags with a severe sigh.

“God, I hate that dress so much,” she mumbled, looking around.

“Why to take it then?” Ashton chuckled looking at her concentrated face, as she was packing last bits of her staff and checking all the corners for missed items.

She looked back at him quickly, not really registering him standing there, too occupied with her mission.

“Don't wanna leave anything behind,” Y/N answered quietly. “Don't wanna him having anything of my staff. He's taken more than enough from me already. I'll decide on what to keep and what not later.”

Ashton only nodded, knowing well what she was talking about. And suddenly an odd feeling came to him. He couldn't even fully comprehend it, but he felt proud. He was standing there, in the bedroom of her cheating asshole of an ex, looking at her tiny figure and couldn't help feeling proud. The way she coped with it, the way she finished it once and for all, not even sparing him another tear, not wishing for him to have a single reminder of her. She was so strong, and yet so unaware of it.

“I think, we're done here,” she said, looking around for the last time. “Let's go back to the living room.”

Ashton took two full trash bags, she grabbed the third, filled only on a half. She spent even less time in the living room, taking little interior stuff like half burnt candles and one tiny fern which was carefully held by Ashton, while Y/N was finishing packing.

“What did you do?” Ashton asked just cause he got bored from standing there with a fern in his hands.

“What?” she looked up at him with surprise in her eyes, like she forgot again she wasn’t alone.

“While you lived here,” Ashton explained. “You said you didn’t go to college. What did you do?”

“Almost nothing,” she admitted with a sigh and looked away. “I tried to get a job couple of times in the coffee shops nearby, but Josh didn't like when I was away for long, so all my attempts usually ended up in scandals and me spending hours here without him. I mostly read.”

“He didn’t like you to be away?” Ashton asked in confusion.

“Yeah,” Y/N shrugged. “Said my place was next to him. Or started blaming me for being greedy if I tried to point out that I need my own money.”

Ashton nodded again. He didn't know what he could answer to that. He remembered his own words from the previous night. What if it was Lauren? Could she fell for such guy? Could she believe in this being love?

“But don’t worry,” Y/N continued. “I’m going to get a job as soon as possible.”

“It’s not why I-” Ashton rushed, “I just asked.”

She looked back at him and surprised him with a bright smile. “I know. But I do wanna get a job. I feel like I’m finally got tired of doing nothing and being noone.”

“You’re not noone,” Ashton shook his head, deep frown on his face. Y/N only smiled at him.

She grabbed a sparkly purse from under a sofa and examined its contents, Ashton got a glimpse of a shattered phone screen. She chuckled and rushed back into the kitchen. He heard clicking of some jars and then the crunch sound of paper. Right after that Y/N came out, hiding something in her purse.

“We good to go,” she said and grabbed on the nearest bag.

Ashton hesitated for a moment, not knowing how to cope with the fern and two bag, but Y/N grabbed the poor plant from his hands. Ashton took other bags, suppressed an unwelcome sigh drawn by the weight and followed her to the door.

Y/N closed the door behind them, locked it and left the key where she’d taken it in a post box on the ground floor. The way to the car was silent. As all her stuff ended up in Ashton’s car trunk and she herself on a passenger seat, holding the poor fern, Y/N congratulated herself on going through it so fast and firmly. And yet, when Ashton was setting off and driving from their parking lot, she glanced in a rearview mirror at the building she had been calling home for over nine months. And now was praying never to see again. Was she really letting go of it? Was she ready to let go of it?

They turned and she couldn’t see the building anymore. Whatever. Was she ready or not, life was already pushing her away from what she knew. And Y/N had no other choice than to start moving along.

***

Ashton pushed the door to his bedroom and froze.

Darkness around reminded him of a previous night, which had happened an entire lifetime ago. Yet less than twenty-four hours had passed since their meeting. He turned to the door to her room and heard it again, the sound that made him freeze. A quiet sob.

Ashton took another step to the room she’d occupied and raised a hand to knock. But he didn’t. He put his hands in his jeans pockets and just stood there, in front of the door, listening to her quiet crying.

Truth to be told, he wasn’t surprised. He remembered her earlier in the day, when they went to grab her stuff. She was so fierce, so on-a-mission-like. She didn’t brake then, didn’t go into reminiscing on the good old days (which probably weren’t that good). And he felt how strong she was that moment, how ready to change her life. But Ashton knew what was behind each strong woman. He saw it in his mom too many times before. He felt it inside himself every so often. These mountains of sadness and regret and pain, they shown noone. The darkness of their bedrooms was the only creature who could see their burden. And noone else.

Ashton sighed inaudibly and went to his own room, hesitated at the door frame, but left the door open, God only knows why. He fell on his bed and stared into the ceiling.

He wasn’t surprised, yet it was so odd to hear her crying. She was so lively and almost happy just couple hours ago, when they were having dinner.

“So you cook.”

Y/N jumped at the sound of his voice, coming so unexpectedly from behind her back. She gave Ashton a sheepish smile and shrugged.

“You made breakfast,” she explained, turning off the stove and checking on the meat for the last time. “I thought it would be only fair if I cooked dinner. Being roommates is about the partnership, right?”

Ashton chuckled, “I guess.”

He helped her set the table and they spent more than half an hour just talking about stuff. She happened to be a good cook, and mocked his slightly surprised looks.

“What do you mean, you don’t usually eat?” she asked.

“In here, I don’t usually eat in here,” Ashton explained. “We eat out a lot, or just order something. I almost never cook.”

“Oh, how boring,” she pouted in fake disappointment. “And I almost thought you’re a vampire or something like this, so you don’t need food at all.”

Ashton couldn’t hold back the laughter. “First gang member, now the vampire. You do have a wild imagination.”

She shrugged nonchalantly. “Well, if you ever have a chance of becoming one of these, vampire is better.”

“Why? They’re killers.”

“Gang members are too, but as a vampire you can live forever at least,” she explained, finishing her dish.

“You wanna live forever?” Ashton was having a hard time rushing after her thoughts.

“Why not?” she smiled and with that started clearing the table.

Ashton sat up on his bed. He never knew the soundproofing was so terrible in this house,but he could basically hear every damn sob of hers. He couldn’t just lay here while she was crying her heart out, could he?

And then he stood up, came up to his door and closed it, to muffle the sounds. He lied back on the bed and sighed one more time hiding his face in his hands.

He remembered his own heartbreak, happened so long ago. He was hurting like hell and needed someone to come ease the pain. He needed a person to just listen and understand his pain and struggling. But if at the moment of his darkest grief he’d had somebody to listen, he wouldn’t have spoken up. He wouldn’t even have let this person in. He was aching and he wasn’t ready to get help. Some wounds needed not only time to heal, but also loneliness and growth. And no matter how much he wanted, he couldn’t help her with that.

Ashton thought of Lauren again. Would he come up to her, if it was his little sister there crying in the bedroom? He sighed again. No, he wouldn’t. He would fully respect her right to cry in the security of her bedroom and come for help the moment she was ready.

His phone vibrated shortly somewhere on the bed, signaling about the new message. Ashton stretched his arm and grabbed the little device.

He sat up and read the message.

He fully respected Y/N’s right to ache and suffer alone in his guest room. But he also couldn’t just sit here listening to a living creature in pain so close to him and not being able to help in any way.

So he stood up, took his jacket and left the room. He couldn’t stay here, so he would go to where he could easily forget it all.

***

Y/N woke up to the sound of shower. She stretched without opening her eyes and thought it was just like waking up in the Josh’s apartment with walls so thin you could hear everything you neighbours were doing. Including morning showers. But still she couldn’t help noticing how everything was slightly different, even the sound of water.

She picked up her phone from a night table and switched on the shattered screen. It probably broke when Josh threw her purse on the floor of his apartment, or any other moment, she didn’t have a clue and wasn’t interested for that matter either. Still, she could work out the time through the thick net of cracks. It was almost ten, but felt like early morning. Y/N wasn’t the person to sleep long in the day, and even ten was past the waking time for her. But today she didn’t really want to get up. Preferably at all.

Y/N buried her face in the pillows and sighed. She felt terrible, not a piece of yesterday’s joy and resolve left in her. She couldn’t even remember why she started crying yesterday night. One moment she’s deleting Josh’s number and all their messages, the next she’s sobbing under the covers of the bed. She cried for several hours, couldn’t even remember crying so much ever before. And then she fell asleep worn out by all of the crying. So today she was useless, ugly and tired as hell. She didn’t want to get out of bed and exist. And she definitely didn’t want Ashton to see her like this.

The water stopped and couple moments later Y/N heard the door click. She didn’t know what plans for the day he had and if she could just avoid him today, but she was willing to try.

Truth to be told, Y/N was surprised to hear him at home at all. She remembered him leaving late at night, she heard his car. But she didn’t hear him coming back, being asleep at that time obviously. She wondered for a moment where could he go at almost one in the morning, but dropped it fast, knowing it was not her business anyway.

The next thing she heard was the sound of opening door to his bedroom and his pretty fast steps down the hall. Couple minutes later his car drove out of the parking lot, and Y/N took a deep breath of relief.

He left. Hopefully for the day. Surely real musicians had a lot to do, like write new music or whatever other shit he was doing. And she could just proceed with her day, being miserable.

Y/N spent another hour just wallowing in the bed, drowning in sleep and coming up to the surface again, until she decided to finally get up and at least cook some food.

She spent some time in a bathroom, found in one of the trash bags, which were standing now next to the window, her favourite soft socks, decided that she was covered enough for an empty house in just socks and a band tee, and left her room.

The living room was just as bright and spacious as she remembered, with its light walls and big windows. Y/N though for a moment of how wonderful it would be to call this house a home. But she pushed that idea from her mind. She was here just for the couple of days and had no right for such thoughts.

“Good morning,” she heard from a kitchen and jumped from a shock. Y/N turned back and saw a strict looking lady in her mid-fifties probably, looking at her with a smile on her lips and a stern expression in her eyes.

Y/N just froze there not knowing what to say. Was it his mother? Another roommate? Just a person he sent to deal with the problem, which Y/N was, because he regretted helping her in the first place?

“My name is Mrs. Powell, I’m a housekeeper,” the woman explained, not caring much for a startled expression on a girl’s face. “Mr. Irwin has left to the studio for the whole day. But I’ll be happy to get you an Uber as soon as you’re ready.”

***

Taglist: @paqueretteash , @myloverboyash 

[resilivero]

Please do 40-81

40. Do you track the music you listen to through last.fm or renaissance or similar apps?

No, but I’m thinking about getting spotify.

41. Flags and signs at concerts: yes or no?

Nah, I can’t hold something up for so long. xD

42. Name the top 5 albums you could listen to for the rest of your life

 Bloody Kisses & October Rust - Type O Negative; British Steel - Judas Priest; Inside the Electric Circus - W. A. S. P.; Follow the Leader - Korn

43. If you could meet your fav artist to have a chat around coffee, what would you tell them?

I’d tell them, that their songs really helped me through some tough times and that I:m thankful that they shared their creativity with the world.

44. Is there a festival you’d wish to go to some day?

I always wanted to visit the Metal Days, but that isn’t possible anymore. Hmm… the WGT would be awesome.

45. Meet and greet at concerts: yes or no?

Depends on the band… But mostly: No.

46. What was the loudest crowd ever? Tell me about it

I’d say Iron Maiden at Wacken 2016. I didn’t even actively watch them,because there were too many people, but you could here the crowd from far away.

47. Who was the first artist you saw live?

A german metalcore band called Callejon.

48. Do you have concerts planned?

I do… Queensryche,The Sisters of Mercy & Knorkator… All playing in Berlin in Autumn/Winter.

49. Tell me about the next release from an artist you’re really looking forward to

I’m always waiting for more stuff from Judas Priest,but there’s nothing specific that I’m looking forward to right now.

50. Have you ever made a playlist for someone?

Nope. Haven’t really made any for myself either.xD

51. What is your fav instrument?

Drums & Bass Guitar

52. Do you play an instrument yourself or sing?

I do sing, but you really wouldn’t want to hear me…>,>

53. Have you ever been to the first show / tour of an artist?

I don’t think so. 

54. Have you ever been to the last show / farewell tour of an artist?

I’ve been to the last show of Twisted Sister in Germany; Wacken 2016.

55. Have you ever been inside a recording studio?

Technically yeah… My boyfriend has a small recording studio and I’ve been there watching him do recordings.

56. The cheapest and most expensive tickets you ever bought: who was it? was it worth it?

Most expensive: Wacken 2018 and it was very much worth it. The least expensive: A local band whose name I’ve already forgotten, but it was still worth it because the night was awesome.

57. Have you ever regretted seeing an artist live?

Not yet.

58. Have you ever wrote a song yourself?

Nah, I don’t have that kind of talent.

59. Post a picture from a gig that you’ve taken and that you’re proud of

Will do that separately.

60. Have you ever been to a concert just for the opening act?

No.

61. If you could bring back one artist/band, who would it be?

Peter Steele. And I will never change my mind about this.

62. What was the longest time you’ve queued for an artist and who was it?

It was Korn and I had to wait in line for almost an hour.

63. Name 3 songs that you could have written

She burned me down - Type O Negative; No Surrender - Judas Priest; The Real Me -W. A. S. P.

64. Name 3 songs that empower you

Wild Child - W. A. S. P.; I miss the Misery - Halestorm; We hate Everyone - Type O Negative

65. What is the theme song of your life at the moment?

Sweet Cheetah - W. A. S. P.

66. Name your fav artist from your country

Nina Hagen & Oomph!

67. Who is your fav musician?

Of all time? Peter Steele. Still alive? Rob Halford & Blackie Lawless.

68. Tell me about a soundtrack in movies or tv shows that really left an impression on you. It can be just a song during a specific scene

The Tarzan Soundtrack left a huge impression on me. Still love the songs.

69. Do you have specific memories from your childhood that are music related? Tell me about it

I remember my mother always listening to 80’s new wave and some rock. That left it’s mark on my taste in music.

70. What is your go to song for a karaoke night?

I don’t do karaoke… :D

71. Who is your fav songwriter?

Peter Steele.

72. Do you like songs from an artist you can’t stand? who is it and which ones?

Not really, no.

73. What is your fav musical?

I’m not really a musical person, but I think I would really like Tarzan or The Lion King or Cats.

74. What is the name of your most original playlist?

I don’t have any playlists.:/

75. Is there songs you just never skip when they come on shuffle? Which ones?

Most definitely! Painkiller -Judas Priest, Angry Inch - Type O Negative, Walk - Pantera, and many more,

76. Are there songs you only listen to when you’re in a specific mood?

Tons of them… generally I have to really be in a certain mood for Korn, Henry Rollins Band, Danzig, Kidneythieves and quite a few others.

77. Give me the title of a song i need to listen to right now and I’ll give you one

Sleeping (in the fire) - W. A. S. P. , because it’s just beautiful.

78. What is your fav song from the year you were born?

Black Forever - W. A. S. P. (if you take the release date for Japan)

79. What is the most important to you in a song: the lyrics, the melody, the voice range?

All of them together. There’s nothing worse than a song where one of those doesn’t fit with the rest.

80. If you had to choose one live album, what would it be?

he Origin of the Feces (Not Live at Brighton Beach) - Type O Negative

81. What is one song that doesn’t have a studio version but really should?

Korn ft. Slipknot - Sabotage Cover

[linernotesandseasons]

My 18 Favorite Albums of 2018

Well...Here it is again! 2018 was a...YEAR. One of the toughest I’ve had so far. But full of hard work, growth, challenges, & little victories. Here are some of the albums that soundtracked it. 18 releases that I loved & supported. Songs that helped me make it through. For the seventh year in a row...My favorite albums. Listed here in no particular order (unless you know/enjoy the english alphabet). Top 5 are probably Monae, Rainbow Kitten Surprise, Field Report, McEntire, & Liza Anne, in that order. Music marks time & space. These are the ones for this year. Enjoy! 

AMERICAN TRAPPIST   /   Tentanda Via

       We start our 2018 journey in a comfortingly familiar place with the second official full length album from Toms River, New Jersey’s American Trappist. His self-titled debut made my 2016 favs list and his old band River City Extension (top 5 reunion tour wish list for sure!) were second to Fun. on my list way back in 2012. Safe to say Joe Michelini is one my favorite songwriters of the last 10 years. Lucky for us, 2018 found Michelini writing equal parts depressing & uplifting boardwalk rock & roll for/from the underdog/underground. Tentanda Via (Latin for “the way must be tried”) is a blast of an album; full of horns, drums (both jazzy & rock & roll-y!), inspired piano, & Michelini at the helm sounding altogether confident in his existential breakdowns. To me this reads like a coming-of-age album at heart (the way must be tried!), but a deeper, wiser sort of unraveling. A mid-30′s rock opus about learning to live with yourself. Learning how to make yourself better. These songs are inspiring and mix more than a little Springsteen ethos (maybe it’s the horns?!) with some late 90′s/early 2000′s emo/indie/alternative etc...

The straightforward rockers “Death Wish” & “Nobody’s Gonna Get My Soul” bookend the nine track album with surprisingly nimble & crunchy electric riffs and off-the-charts energy! In between, the mid tempo drive of “Getting Even” & “Don’t Get In” lets Michelini’s emotional writing really shine. The words jump out of the songs, full of passion, desperation, & an urgency that makes me glad people are still making records like this. There’s also a unholy, weird interlude that you have to hear to believe called “Unfresh Dirtwolf.” American Trappist is a band that came from the ashes of another band. A band that seems reluctant to tour West of...Ohio. A band that stays under the radar. Michelini has been writing some of my favorite songs for awhile & it feels good growing older together. Here’s hoping for a new one of these every other (or just every?!) year for me to belt along to with the windows down in my Subaru. Joe, if you’re listening out East, don’t stop. This is why I love music. 

       “Driving through my hometown I feel the peace of the Lord / Ride up behind me on a blind dream from my childhood / Looking back again, it’s hard to understand / Getting older, I guess I do / Waiting on some waking dream like it might find you...”

BLACK BELT EAGLE SCOUT   /   Mother of My Children

       I bought Black Belt Eagle Scout’s debut album at Twist & Shout Records the day it came out. I think I loved the cover art and the idea of Katherine Paul’s solemnly solo rock album, recorded in the dead of Winter in rural Washington, sounding like just what I wanted in my headphones to face the Fall. Then (as so often happens) I got a text a month later from my partner at 12:27am that read simply...

“I’m okay. Going to bed meow. Listen to Black Belt Eagle Scout.” 

From there we took Mother of My Children on a snowy road trip to Durango, Colorado. Crisscrossing mountain passes through snowstorms, & visiting Mesa Verde National Park, we let Paul’s earnest, determined, & emotional songs, sweep us into the gray. All this to say that this album has already marked some pretty specific time & place for me. There is a starkness to these songs, a simplicity that makes the songwriting stand alone. Where lesser lyricists would be revealed as phonies (or simply bad) Katherine Paul’s stark, powerful words are illuminated by her minimalist production. With a rhythmically mournful 80′s/90′s emo touch (for more modern emo fans I might even hear a little Manchester Orchestra) Paul doesn’t pull any punches. The guitar gets delightfully heavy on the outro to six minute epic opener “Soft Stud” and then twirls & spirals with the drums in the entrancingly sad “I Don’t Have You in My Life.” This is an important album for Paul to have written and there is a great power in her words. Oh also... she plays every instrument on the album!?! Guitar, bass, drums, vibraphone, keyboard, organ, various percussion, & all vocals. Very Vagabon. Very Caroline Rose (spoiler alert!)! With our world on fire, and full of threats (from our own government) to native lands & native people, it’s increasingly important to listen to and hear/heed the words and writings of people like Paul; a radical, indigenous, queer, feminist from Oregon. Thanks for speaking out KP. Listen to Black Belt Eagle Scout. 

       “Do you ever notice what surrounds you? When it’s all bright & tucked under / Do you ever notice what’s around you? When it’s all right under our skin...”

CAMP COPE   /   How To Socialise & Make Friends

       Camp Cope is a GREAT band name. Camp Cope is a REALLY GREAT band. Camp Cope has a wit & an attitude that is so punk rock, so genuine, & How To Socialise & Make Friends is a powerful album. Hailing from Melbourne, Australia, Camp Cope rides a practiced garage-y sound and lead singer & lyricist Georgia Mac’s passionate howl and impressive writing. As someone who grew up on early 2000′s pop-punk, emo, & alternative (something I guess I probably regret more often than celebrate. Because toxic masculinity & white male fragility) there is something so bittersweetly nostalgic in these chord progressions, the earnest electric strums, the yell-sing vocals, that takes me back to high school. Georgia Mac has a way with words, sliding them in & out, over cascading, steady strums, & then sometimes building them up to a frantic yelling. These are songs that sound as if they had to come out, had to be sung this way, like no one else could write or sing them. With an equally muscular rhythm section, “The Opener” attacks music industry sexism head on (if you haven’t seen Camp Cope live, it is chill inducing hearing a whole room belt along to every word) with a bass riff that could fly a jetliner. The three members interact so well together musically and everything from the driving “UFO Lighter” to the lilting “Sagan, Indiana” sounds tightly rehearsed. Equally passionate in their social media presence and their willingness to engage and fight for social justice issues, Camp Cope represents the future. Bands like this are changing the game right now and it’s exciting to hear it in real time. 

When I close my eyes for a second, as the title tracks rings out and the gorgeously, lightly sad “The Face of God” ambles in, I’m 17 again. I’m driving for the first time, crying at the moon by myself or laughing with my friends. I’m a freshman in college, skipping my Friday classes (and braving mountain passes!) headed west, headed home. Then I snap awake and I’m 32, it’s Winter here and Georgia bellows “Just get it all out, put it in a song. Just get it all out, write another song!” Thanks Camp Cope. This album is special. 

       “It’s another all-male tour preaching equality / It’s another straight, cis man who knows more about this than me / It’s another man telling us we’re missing a frequency / SHOW ‘EM KELLY / It’s another man telling us we can’t fill up the room / It’s another man telling us to book a smaller venue / Nah, hey, cmon girls we’re only thinking about you / Well, see how far we’ve come not listening to you / ‘Yeah just get a female opener, that’ll fill the quota’...”

CAROLINE ROSE   /   Loner

       It took Caroline Rose four years from her weirdly rootsy-riffy debut album to find her true self, but Loner sounds every bit like an artist comfortable in their own skin & confident in their craft. Dialing up the synths, fuzz, and brilliantly tongue-in-cheek lyrics, Rose touches on all the big topics: drugs, death, sex (ism), and money! with a casual, conversational songwriting maturity that belies her 28 year old sophomore-ness. Favorites include “Jeannie Becomes a Mom” (check out that bouncy organ!), the steady build & twisty, head-turning songwriting of “Getting To Me,” & the electro warp & wend of “To Die Today.” I was finally convinced into falling for this album when my partner played it three times (or was it six?) back-to-back-to-back on a rainy Summer Sunday afternoon drive from Granby, CO back into Denver. Something about the pacing; the complex, yet immediate song structures that leave you wanting more. These are songs of tested confidence. But shining through it all, Rose is a wild card. A red clad rockstar with a palpable spirit, not afraid to wear her heart on her sleeve & laugh a little along the way. Loner is full of dance jams for the cool kids & the loners. At its core it preaches acceptance, and teaches us to love ourselves & love each other for who we are. Go Caroline! See you in a month in LA! 

       “Waitress sets the tables, two & four & six / Laying placemats, knife, fork, spoon, upon napkin / All the counter people, she knows us all by name / A counter people fission, everywhere we are the same... / & so you line ‘em up, a single cell, another one gone / Ostracon vase with your name on the line...”

FIELD REPORT   /   Summertime Songs

       At some point during this year I begin to realize how important beloved songwriters releasing new works is always going to be to me, I was falling (& re-falling) for new works from long time favs Calexico, Gregory Alan Isakov, Florence & The Machine, & of course Phosphorescent. But somehow it was Field Report’s third release Summertime Songs that stuck and became perhaps the most meaningful of all. I fell in love with Field Report in the midst of a hard, hard winter (2012 I think). Their sophomore album Marigolden has been a constant companion since 2014. I first heard this set of songs (the ones that comprise Summertime) in the June of 2017, sweating in the familiar Eau Claire, Wisconsin heat. Hearing a set of 100% new, unreleased material is exciting and also kind of a risk. After the set I wrote that the new tunes “Sound like June. Like wet cement & flash floods. Like swollen rivers & mosquitos full of hard fought human blood. Like growing older & having kids. Intimate details stretched over skittery, percussive thunderclouds. Like grabbing an electric fence. Digging in &...replanting.” I was 100% in it. On a high in Wisconsin & falling deeper in love with music. Then Field Report went mostly silent & we had to wait till early 2018 to get the recorded versions. Adding even more drums (Shane Leonard deserves a shout-out here as a killer pocket player!) some electronic effects, and ramping up on the arm-out-the-rolled-down-window singalongs definitely serves Chris Porterfield (did you know the name Field Report is just an anagram of his last name?!) well. Whoever it was who asked him “why don’t you try Summertime songs” was on the right track. His songwriting is as electric as always on this set of heartbreakers & as usual he follows a lot the same threads. His lyrics here are visceral, wordy, & wise, & i can feel the songs growing up with me. Sometimes I lead, sometimes they lead me, but we always seem to find each other exactly when we need to. 

       “Time is a bird with a mean, hooked beak / & he’s just waiting around to work on you & on me... / Shotgun wedding, black on blue / The river’s swelling like a bruise...”

H.C. McENTIRE   /   Lionheart

       Heather McEntire has been carving out a name for herself in the North Carolina music scene for years fronting old-school punk band Bellefea & more recently, the much loved Mount Moriah. But way way back in January, Lionheart roared in under her own name; all ferocious & tender, confident & wild. A true southern record, Lionheart is vocal & lyric forward. From the Sunday morning hymn swell of opener “A Lamb, A Dove,” to the driving swing of “Baby’s Got the Blues,” & the late night, red wine country of “When You Come For Me.” McEntire enlists all her talented musical friends on this effort. There are co-writes with the legendary Kathleen Hanna of Bikini Kill (whom McEntire credits with helping her find her individual voice), bgvs from Amy Ray (Indigo Girls), Angel Olsen, & Tift Merrit, & inspired guitar work from William Tyler & Durham favorite Phil Cook!

Through it all, McEntire stays true to the thread that made Mount Moriah’s “How To Dance” one of my 2016 favs. Lionheart exudes the smells & scenery of North Carolina and reads like a map at times, referencing points from Stoney Creek to the Green River Gorge. Some of my favorite songs written over the last five years (or ever) have a very strong (& often specific) idea of place. If country music is going to representative of the country that I want to live in, it’s going to be sung by people like Heather McEntire.  A powerful queer southern woman; vulnerable & brave, a true Lionheart. 

       “You’ll find me in the hollow, dosing anything that might / Make the map look any smaller, give me a dog in the fight / So call it off or call it God, call it anything you like / Do you see it in my eyes? / A levee on the rise, do you see it? / The tellin’ ain’t told gently, so pay your tab & pay your dues / The dogwood & the chicory & a silent wood stove flue / Your baby’s got the blues just like you...”

iZCALLi   /   IV

       I was late to the party on Izcalli (a band from my own city!) and when I found them, it was magical, I think they were playing an opening set for Jessica Hernandez & The Deltas at Lost Lake and I probably stumbled in late from PS Lounge or Tommy’s Thai to shredding electric guitar & ska, latin funk, & pure Led Zepplin Rock & Roll. Frontman Miguel Avina was howling & stomping in Freddy Mercury-meets-Mariachi white pants, his long curly hair everywhere, all energy. I was immediately hooked. Calling them my favorite local band and finally getting to put them on this end of the year list. Izcalli joins some pretty good “local band” company here on linernotes&seasons. From Nina De Freitas’ EP last year; Yawpers, Covenhoven, & Rateliff in 2015, to Isakov & Covenhoven in 2013 & The Lumineers all the way back in 2012! Izcalli has been playing around Denver for 13 years and have slowly built up enough of a following to headline the Bluebird Theater last year. Their fourth album (aptly titled IV) comes out swinging and showcases plenty of heavy power chord riffs, violin, horn, & songs in both English & Spanish. Their heavier, more classic rock influenced songs (”Lightning Red” & “Eso Velocidad”) absolutely explode with fiery lead guitar and inspired drumming. When they dial it back and let their Mexican influences show through, like on the eerily crunchy, violin led “Quite de Mas” and the woozy saxophone breakdown of “Solo Se Morir,” they showcase depth and a real songwriting ability. There is an almost Muse-like thunder to the monstrous organ riff of “A New Lie” and closer “Si Estoy Contigo” sends everybody out dancing. With influences from all over (most notably their homeland Mexico City) & a live show that’s not to be missed, Izcalli embodies everything I think of when I think of a true Denver band. 

       “A frozen heart in me turned out to be my one way home / I swear I’ll leave, I’ll drive myself down to Mexico...”

JANELLE MONAE   /   Dirty Computer

       Dirty Computer is my favorite album of 2018. Much like my favorite album last year (Lorde’s Melodrama) no one was as simultaneously honest & excavating in their personal songwriting; while still writing such absolutely shredding club bangers, as Janelle Monae. Dirty Computer acts as a coming out party of sorts for the 32 year Kansas City-ian, although, to be fair, her first two albums had already scored her Grammy nominations and the stamp of approval from Prince, Eryakah Badu, & Michelle Obama. Her debut The ArchAndroid and her followup The Electric Lady, found her creating elaborate alter egos, protest songs, and complex, critically acclaimed song cycles about life as a black woman in America. With Dirty Computer she is able to hold multiple titles at once. Schizophrenically on top of her game, tying all her alter egos together with stellar production, monster vocals, and some of the best, most interesting pop songs since...well...maybe since Prince. From the Brian Wilson assisted eerie sci-fi sweetness of stage setting opener “Dirty Computer,” she lets loose on some of her most fun, live-a-little anthems “Crazy, Classic Life,” and “Take a Byte.” Deeply personal, political, & inspiring “Django Jane” is stunning, & sets the stage for mega back-to-back singles “Pynk” & “Make You Feel.” Songs of my (and everybody else’s) Summer for sure. “I Got The Juice,” is light & bouncy, & personal favorite “I Like That” is rebellious & rides an immediately memorable instrumental into one helluva vocal take from Monae. She makes a political statement in closing with the anthem “Americans,” (anybody else think this one especially sounds like a lost Prince track?) but her strength is her ability to be both personal & political; a true diva with a purpose. These songs are Janelle creating and sounding exactly how she wants, pushing the limits of what a superstar can do, Her show at the Paramount in July was a highlight for me, and Dirty Computer is hands down my album of the year. 

       “Box office numbers & they doin’ outstanding, running out of space in my damn bandwagon / Remember when they use to said I look too mannish? / Black girl magic yall can’t stand it...”

LIZA ANNE   /   Fine But Dying

       In a year where I seemed to gravitate to albums & songs about living in, and growing through, mental health issues; Liza Anne’s blistering (and epically titled!) Fine But Dying was definitely a top five album for me. A gifted songwriter, Dying finds Anne finally letting it out with a heavy band, a light touch, & a deep dive into the insecurities & struggles that seemed to be (gulp) some of the same ones I was going through this year. Songs about conversations, relationships (both romantic & platonic), and most importantly, about examining & improving yourself. No one on this list unpacks, observes, and mines their own heart & mind as well or as deeply as Anne does across these 11 tracks. When she really cuts loose, like in the ballistic breakdown of “Kid Gloves,” the fuzzy crunch of “Get By,” or the spiraling, swirling (& also epically titled!) “I Love You, But I Need Another Year” she shines. Fine But Dying is wise beyond its years and a no-holds-barred, place-in-time look at mental health & how we should all be addressing our issues & working things out. Her show at Globe Hall here in Denver back in April was cathartic, thoughtful, & one of my favorite of this year for sure. Yay for fearless songwriters, Yay for rock & roll. Fuck yeah Liza Anne!

       “I ran once, took my flight across the ocean / I thought if I could make my way across the sea I’d find a place / Now I’m swallowed up by a city that doesn’t give a fuck / To whether I am up on time / Or whether if I am, well...alive / & I’m so good - getting too good at hiding / Too good at keeping to myself that I’m spiraling...”

MESHELL NDEGEOCELLO   /   Ventriloquism

       I think it was “Atomic Dog 2017″ that first caught my ear at some point last year. I didn’t know Meshell Ndegeocello, but I knew that what I was hearing was classic. The off-kilter guitar strums slithering into that bass drop, finally settling into a steady groove, that melody appearing (seemingly out of nowhere) into a rolling, & instantly recognizable chorus. Next thing I know I’m googling George Clinton and off into an 80′s funk youtube rabbit hole. A covers album to stand up to any other covers album, Ndegeocello has a masterpiece on her hands in both song selection & creativity. In a year where she turned 50, the sneakily titled Ventriloquism is her 12th studio album, Inspired by listening to oldies radio on car rides to her childhood home, influenced by Prince & Neil Young; Ventriloquism is a super smooth revamp of 80s & 90s R&B. What Ndegeocello does so seamlessly on Ventriloquism is take these songs and make them flow as a part of a whole. There is light in the darkness here. There are threads of continuation here. An appreciation for those who came before, those who paved the way. Ndegeocello is a true artist and these reinterpretations not only nod to classic songs & artists, but dig out their own little important niche in 2019. 

       “Sometimes it snows in April / Sometimes I feel so bad, so bad / Sometimes I wish life was never ending / & all the good things they say, never last / Springtime was always my favorite time of year / A time for lovers holding hands in the rain...”

MIYA FOLICK   /   Premonitions

       Every year I wait till the last minute (and beyond!) to finish this list. I write it up in November & December, agonizing & filling out what I think are my favorite albums (18 this time!) of the year. I enjoy whittling the list down to a manageable number, but I also enjoy reading everyone else’s lists; finding new finds & hearing what other people liked. Then, sometime in the middle of December, I am knocked out by something I missed over all the year of listening & reading. This year it is MIYA FOLICK! I was given a wintry new year’s mix of goodbye 2018 (and F*** you!) tunes from my partner (which I will probably post & write about sometime as soon as I finish posting this because it is goooood), and track 9 of that spotify mix. Bouncy horns, a killer beat, & lyrics that cut right to me but leave me smiling. Rhyming “self home” with “cellphone”?! Singing about leaving the party?! Yesssss!. This is for me! On deeper listens, Premonitions is a goddamn masterpiece. Starting slowly & melodically, openers “Thingamajig” and the title track are captivating, then it unexpectedly explodes into 80′s dance bangers about half way through. Most of the album is deeply personal and self examining, finding Folick digging into to her own weaknesses & fears, without always settling on answers. She is vulnerable yet grand; part Lorde, part Florence, part Stevie NIcks, part Regina Spektor...All Miya. At its core, Premonitions celebrates life, celebrates the little victories. If you want to know/hear what that sounds like, maybe I should let you read from Miya’s bandcamp page...

       “Premonitions begins with ‘Thingamajig’ -- something you can't quite recall the name of, but you know exactly what it means and what it feels like. Like the pull of desire that comes with not quite remembering fully. The magnetism of something just on the tip of your tongue. I wanted the album to feel like that thing.

I think a lot about about memory-making as an act of creation, the words we use to describe a memory give shape to and sometimes mutate the memory itself. I believe that the way we choose to describe the events of our lives is not only a means of creative fulfillment, but an absolutely vital part of creating the world we want to live in. When we are dishonest in the present, we create a dishonest future. When we are honest in the present, we create a more honest future. I wanted this album to be the vehicle for a hopeful, truthful, generous, and loving world. I tried not to posture or pretend. I wrote about my life as I've seen it and how I'd like to see it, as both memory and premonition.

The producers, Justin Raisen and Yves Rothman, and I spent months collecting organic sounds to fill the world of this record. We threw away everything that felt false and tried to keep the soul of each song alive. I hope Premonitions gives you comfort and joy. I hope it feels like all the mysterious details of your lives, all your massive and mundane glories. I hope it reminds you that there is beauty in the details. Rainbows in your sprinklers. Drinking water from a hose. The way it felt to make a friend for the first time. Locking yourself in a bathroom to avoid everyone. Dancing until your shins burn. Leaving your phone in an Uber and making your best friend drive you an hour away to knock on a stranger's door after locating it on Find My Phone. Losing a friend. Losing yourself. Remembering...”

MT. JOY   /   Mt. Joy

I had almost finished making this list and nearly forgot about an album that marked a month-plus in the Spring when I listened to almost nothing else! Philly by way of LA’s Mt. Joy debut with an album that blends sunny California folk & smoothed out east coast pop-emo, into easy listening, easy singing indie rock. Named after a mountain in Valley Forge National Park (SE Pennsylvania); Mt. Joy’s songs similarly find geographic touch points across the US, making this a true road trip record. Multiple California references (San Fran, Mulholland, Hollywood, the ocean), make their way down to New Orleans, and end up on the east coast (”blood on the streets in Baltimore” & “the beaches of Chincoteague”). Without breaking any new musical ground, Mt. Joy sounds comfortable & confident, and their songs play bigger & stickier than your average radio friendly pop-saturated-folk. When the title track hits its festival ready build (”you can’t stop us, feel like Ziggy Stardust”) you’ll have a hard time not rolling down your window and singing along. “Way up over Mt, Joy. Where everyone’s free now. To move how they feel now.”

       “Your life will change straight out of the blue / The clouds in your mind just passing through / Image the horses when you set ‘em free / Go tear down the beaches of Chincoteague...”

NONAME   /   Room 25 (& Song 31)

       Room 25 kicks in innocently enough: smoothly humming wordless voices, steady drums, & jazzy piano flourishes. Like a lazy Sunday morning. Noname (Chicago’s 27 year old Fatimah Warner) introduces herself with a laid back, matter-of-fact, stream of consciousness “maybe this is the album you listen to in your car when you’re driving home late at night, really questioning every god, religion...” But then she says something that should make you pay attention. 

“Nah. Actually this is for me.” 

That creative confidence. That freedom, defines the rest of her album. No matter how much critical acclaim Room 25 racks up (I saw this album on a ton of end of the year lists!), no matter how downright fun & laugh out loud funny her breakneck rhymes are, this one is for Noname. I mean, you can still download (aka OWN...like for your ipod!) the whole album on bandcamp FOR FREE! Following in Chance’s footsteps, it’s free mp3s for people like meeee! Raised in Chicago’s slam poetry scene, she dabbles here in downtempo, smoothed out, futuristic jazz & soul. All the while she is unapologetically herself. Her words tripping over each other, too many thoughts, too much energy, too much passion to hold in. A clear blockbuster talent. One of my favorite new finds from last year’s Eaux Claires festival, her late afternoon set up on the hill was radiant & joyful. The artwork I used here is from her early 2019 single “Song 31,” as she has pledged to change the official Room 25 cover art, due to assault charges leveled in October against the artist who did the original cover. “I do not and will not support abusers, and I will always stand up for victims & believe their stories.” Noname said, and she has been proven to be as vocal in her personal life as she is on tape. As she says in the uplifting “Ace...” 

“Globalization is scary, and fuckin’ is fantastic” And yall still thought a bitch couldn’t rap huh?...

       “When labels ask me to sign, say ‘my name don’t exist’ / So many names don’t exist / Moved into Inglewood & the trauma came with the rent / Only worldly possession I have is life / Only room that I died in was 25... 

Medicine’s overtaxed, no name look like you / No name for private corporations to send emails to / Cuz when we walk into heaven, nobody’s name gonna’ exist / Just boundless movement for joy, nakedness, radiance...”

RAINBOW KITTEN SURPRISE   /   How To: Friend, Love, Freefall

       Rainbow Kitten Surprise made one of my five favorite albums this year (and probably the one that I sang along to in the car more than any other!) Imagine Modest Mouse growing up in North Carolina, in the 2010′s, writing smart, anti-lumineers-imagine dragons tunes, and going on to play arenas & rock clubs alike. This Boone, NC (pop. 17,000) five piece crank out catchy pop rock tunes; equal parts funky basslines, ooohs & ahhhs, and deceptively clever lyrics about religion, the south, and relationships both platonic & romantic. Huge single “Fever Pitch” rides rolling drums, background whoops, and finds charismatic frontman Sam Melo languidly recounting his religious upbringing and sing-rapping about getting to know you better. Other standouts include the acoustic blues (and Aha-Shake-era-Kings of Leon reminiscent!) “Painkillers,” the “Moon & Antarctica” rattletrap sing-song of “Possum Queen,” and the laugh-out-loud funny breakneck alternative pace of “Matchbox.” But it is song of the year contender “Hide” where Melo lays bare his feelings about growing up gay in a deeply religious south, when you get a peek at what Surprises these Rainbow Kittens are capable of. What starts as a bouncy love number takes a turn into some deep songwriting with “I’m running from a place where they don’t make people like me, I keep the car running, I keep my bags packed. I don’t wanna’ leave, just don’t wanna’ leave last.” This is Fruit Bats’ “Soon-to-be Ghost Town” written by someone who’s lived it. RKS packages it all up as emotional anthems, dancey-catchy choruse that stick, & an album that-while serious, is so damn fun to sing along to. They’ll be at Red Rocks next Summer so come hop on the bandwagon and get to know your new favorite band!

       “You’re a master of passive-aggressive magic tricks like “that’s not the card that I would’ve picked, but it’s your life to live like how you’d like to live...’”

SUN JUNE   /   Years

       Sun June’s debut record Years is an album that I never expected to be on this list, but one that pushed its way into my heart, ears, and mind a lot over the early Summer. I kept comparing it to Leif Vollebekk’s gorgeously haunting 2017 release Twin Solitude that made it on last year's list in that it managed to be rhythmically funky & interesting while being mostly SO quiet. Even the more “upbeat” numbers; from the gorgeously, golden swing of “Young,” to the steady backbeat of “Baby Blue” keep their composure meticulously. The writing is transfixing on Years and the band is so tight, with every member adding just the right amount of soft sound. I tried to explain it to somebody as music you have to “squint to hear.” It sounds good in the background, all sweet & rolling. But better up close, turned up in headphones. All together & bright. This is an album I would listen to sleepily, on my way home from work, driving Colfax in the first light of dawn at 5 in the morning. Sun June’s lack of an internet presence is refreshing (is there ANYWHERE I can find the lyrics for this album??!!), I think they’re from Texas, and I don’t think they’ve even played a show in Colorado yet! Regardless, Years is tied together with a quietly tight rhythm section, and Laura Colwell’s wispy vocals, grabbing at the edges of my brain, calmy insisting “Four in the morning, I could get used to this...”

       “I was almost always leaving / Looking for the reason / Bedside hospital daylight / I go with the Southern mountains / Down the 405, I’m coming tell me you don’t deserve this / I was young...”

TIERRA WHACK   /   Whack World

       I love me a good concept album, but even I would’ve thought that the idea of 15 one minute songs(complete with video accompaniment) making up an entire album, would be a tough sell. Whack World makes good on an innovative concept, delivering something breezy, catchy, & lasting, and making Tierra Whack one of my favorite new finds of 2018! My little sister showed her to me on a “Get-your-ass-to-the-gym” playlist and “Fruit Salad” was immediately stuck in my head for weeks. Mostly down-tempo, Whack is clearly a witty lyricist and creative mind, and at 23, a game changer in the music scene. Also an effortlessly cool, musical, badass. With almost no choruses, this is an album you can listen to over and over (and throw any tracks in mixes) without any clear singles. The bouncy gospel-tinged “Pet Cemetery” has hand claps & dog barks, and is followed immediately by the laugh-out-loud vocals of “Fuck Off.” Whack never takes herself too seriously (so many off the wall and laugh out loud funny vocals!) and the Philly native shows that one minute songs can turn a lot of heads and end up on a lot of end of the year best album lists! Whack World!

       “Crispy clean and crisp & clean / For the dough I go nuts like Krispy Kreme / Music is in my Billie genes / Can’t no one ever come between yeah / Don’t worry about me I’m doing good, I’m doing great, alright...”

TYPHOON   /   Offerings

       It seemed like a lifetime since Typhoon released their sophomore knockout, masterpiece album White Lighter back in 2013. I’ve grown a lifetime since, experienced everything since. In the first few weeks of January 2018, out of the darkness, out of the silence: came something darker, weirder, but still magical and at its core, celebratory. Typhoon is one of my all-time favorite bands, one of my favorite live shows, and frontman Kyle Morton writes about memory & loss, life & death, better than anybody in the game. With Offerings they have dropped the peppy horns, slimmed down to (only!) seven members, and zeroed in on the heavy, spiraling folk-rock that hearkens back a little to Bright Eyes or The Decemberists, Broken Social Scene or Arcade Fire. As a loose concept album, Offerings explores in four movements (Floodplans, Flood, Reckoning, & Afterparty) what happens to a mind stripped of memory. Or (side quest/plot/twist) a world willfully forgetting its history. From the hushed chanting that explodes into huge string swells, drums, and shouts of opener “Wake” to the rhythmic, glowing build of the 8 minute “Empricist,” to the mystical picking and ruminating of “Algernon” the first movement could almost stand as an album of its own. The rest of the album unravels at equal parts slow reflection (”Mansion” & “Beachtowel”) and sweeping indie rock (”Remember” & “Darker”). Although a lengthy (and at times not easy) listen, I think Offerings will go down as one of the most ambitious rock records of the last few years. 

       “& so the light fades / It’s still your birthday / So blow out your past lives like they’re candles on a cake...”

VALLEY MAKER   /   Rhododendron

       There is a mysticism buried somewhere in the emotive vocals & break-in-the-clouds writing of North Carolina by way of Washington State’s Valley Maker. Austin Crane is the singular voice behind the Valley Maker project, painting time & space on a dark, slippery canvas, and hiding complex truths in the rhythmic tides of Rhododendron. This ground has been tread before; by countless folk singers & prophets, wailing of death, dark magic, & the myriad mysteries of time, but Valley Maker understand their place in the linear and bring a modern take to ancient stories. Part War on Drugs-highway-drone (check the double yellow rattle of “Light on the Ground”), part Ben Howard’s-foggy-British-countryside (”Beautiful Birds Flying”), Crane writes songs that stick. They claw and seep their way into skin, into veins, and haunt in a way that echoes of the past. This is songwriting as a conduit. These stories are Crane’s, but they are older; tales told since religion begin. From the first lines of the roiling, dark sky opener (”time is just a game I play / it’s written on the ocean’s waves / circling beyond my brain / something I could not contain.”) to the uncertain give & take of the earthy “Seven Signs” (”I’m cutting in line but I haven’t decided...”) the writing is equal to the musicianship Crane and his backing band clearly have in spades. With Chaz Bear (Toro Y Moi) providing stellar percussion and Amy FItchette (who I was lucky enough to see sing with VM at the Doug Fir in Portland) lending absolutely haunting, otherworldly harmonies, Crane has depth beyond his strange tunings and bleep & bloop electric forests. Through it all there is a steady rhythm to the darkness and like in “Baby, In Your Kingdom” when he tops a wonderfully simple, acoustic walk-down with “Baby are you satisfied? Take a decade, take a lifetime, I know we’re always on a one way street...” there is a timeless beauty even in the mystery. Oh, and saxophone. Rhododendron has some great saxophone. 

       “Baby in the next life / I can touch you, I can ride the light / Goddamn I wan’t where I thought I’d be / 29. Burn the world around me & I hide / Baby in your kingdom / Sink my roots in, I’m a tall tree / I know, wind is gonna blow again / I know, when I am with you...I am known...”

[theonceoverthinker]

OUAT Rewatch: 1X02 - The Thing You Love Most

How in Merlin’s tree trunk did this post end up being longer than the one for the freakin’ Pilot?!

I better watch it, or this is gonna be one wordy rewatch!

If you want to join in on my rewatch train and hear my thoughts, head below the cut because this is another long one! (Here’s what to expect if you do: Fawning over dynamics, getting lost in sexy ladies both on their own and together, fanfiction bunnies a plenty, and a squigin of analysis! Bring a shaker, because there’s hardly a pinch of salt here!)

Chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga, TWO TWO!

Press Release Regina does everything in her power to force Emma out of Storybrooke and out of her and Henry’s lives forever. Meanwhile, the chilling circumstances of how the Evil Queen released the curse upon the fairytale world is revealed. General Thoughts Following up the pilot, a remarkable - practically flawless - episode was a hard task and this episode delivered! It kicks off right from where we ended last time in the present, and we get a cool change of perspective in the past. Speaking of which, let us start off in the past. I love the transition between Regina in the wedding hall to her castle and immediately, we give her some people to talk to and set up her power dynamics. Not only do we get to see two servants, but people closer to Regina’s level, and that’s so important as an audience member to get a feel for her strengths and weaknesses going forward and to paint a picture of someone who has truly exhausted every resource to get what she wants. That makes the twisted tragedy at the end of the episode so much more complicated, though no less evil. Of course, Regina comes out of this episode with so much development. The moonlit scenes (both by the fire pit and in the castle) with Henry Sr (Whose identity was one of OUAT’s greatest twists) spoke to how Regin’s lust for revenge has eclipsed not only her sensibilities of right and wrong, but the love that others in her life (most notably Henry Sr. himself). Finally, I want to point out the scene between Rumple and Regina, because it was so close to being my favorite dynamic of the episode. There’s a level of comfortable tension between the two of them. You can see it in the way that Regina’s not surprised when Rumple asks for more in his deal, and despite Rumple’s silly and insane antics and requests, she’s able to hold steady. Their relationship also contrasts the scene with Regina and Mal. In that scene, Regina was able to take what she wanted. In this scene, she must relent and gagree to Rumple’s terms, and that speaks to the matter of sizing up Regina that I mentioned before and in a way that doesn’t skimp on character development for either Mal or Rumple. In addition, the scene just made me laugh. Fuck! Robert Carlyle is too fucking good! Now let’s blast to the present! The opening is really delightful and gives off a feeling of something being both familiar and new, and it’s a great metaphor for the waves that Emma is already bringing to Storybrooke. In fact, the whole episode - characters and stories - show a shift. Everyone acts just a little closer to either the direction of their character arcs (Ex. Emma and Archie) or to their fairytale selves (Ex. Regina, Rumple, and Archie), and it’s played very subtly. Just like the tick of a clock. Not gonna lie, I laughed hard during the famous apple tree scene. Between Emma’s satisfied smile, the way Regina freakin’ wooshed from her window to go investigate, and how Regina was screaming had me cackling like a hyena. However, in addition to being funny, we also got some more characterization out of Emma, namely impulsivity and external fearlessness. What I mean by external fearlessness is how while Emma is afraid of intangible things like forming connections and trusting, a threat like an intimidating person is a lot less scary to her, and she has no trouble taking Regina up on her threats. I feel that these traits are expanded on, but given a suitable level of retention throughout the rest of the series. Insights I immediately realized how weird it was that we had an actual voice-over intro to the show in Season 1. I totally understand why it disappeared after the curse broke, but just remembering it again was like a cup of cold water to the face. Also, I really wish that we could have somehow had the narrator who did the intro as well as the famous “previously, on Once Upon a Time” be an actual character a-la “Into the Woods,” or hell, make him Isaac or an older Henry! Of course, keep Andrew West, but maybe a Henry who is the Apprentice’s age! XD Between this episode and the pilot, I notice so much pop music in the show’s soundtrack! In later seasons, apart from the rare instance of “Only You” and a couple of 80’s songs at Roni’s or the arcade, we really don’t get instances of contemporary tracks. I’m stuck between that being important or not. On one hand, the change to classical could reflect on the reformation of Storybrooke to its fairy tale origins with the end of the curse and the return of magic, but the contemporary music, at least here, also goes along with the theme of things changing in Storybrooke, and for the better. ALSO, along the lines of music, I couldn’t help but notice how the lyrics of the song specifically resonate with the specific character on screen as they’re sung (Ex. “Don’t be shy” to Mary Margaret, “Don’t wear your fear” to Emma, and “Let your feelings out instead” to Graham’s car and Archie). Neat! Aesthetic stuff that pleases me: Regina’s outfits in this episode are all among my favorite (And her hair in the flashback - high ponytails are the way to go if you’re a fairytale character!), Emma’s bug (So, I won a model of her bug in an auction at NJ con last year and I was sad to see a gray dent in the middle, and just now, I saw that same dent in her bug in the show! I’m so happy), Emma in that tank (How the hell did I not realize I was bi until nearly a year after I started this show?!), The smoke when characters poof around (It looks so good in the beginning of the show - no offense to later seasons - I like the smoke there too, but this smoke is so puffy and like a mix of cotton and its accompanying seeds as they flutter in the breeze), and Lana’s makeup (I normally don’t pay attention to makeup, but with the lighting of this episode, I couldn’t help but notice it) I also really wish we had an episode about Regina’s apple tree! Along those same lines, we see Regina with a horde of baddies, and a lot of them have really cool designs. I’m not saying we needed their stories per se - sometimes a minion can just be a minion - but I wish we could’ve seen a bit more of them. These are some of the “darkest souls,” after all. This episode really made me think about how I felt about Maleficent and the consistency between the character we see here as well as in bits and pieces throughout Seasons 1 and 2 and the one who reappears in Season 4. Now, obviously, we see her story out of order, as Lily not only was already gone but in a meta-sense, not created yet (Some would call it a retcon, but I agree with the perspective suggested once that retconning isn’t really a thing on OUaT due to the non-linear timeline method of storytelling and Mal’s motivations - while somewhat set up - aren’t loosely defined at this point in the series). Some things not evaluated on - the horse, most notably - give me pause, though as to its importance. Arcs I’ll be honest: I’m not exactly sure how to expand upon this section. Here’s my best attempt. Emma journey of belief - I’ll elaborate on this a bit, but Emma’s journey with belief is tied to her relationship with Henry, and as their relationship developed here, as did Emma’s journey. However, as I will also mention, she has a long way to go. The power struggle against Regina - This episode painted a much more elaborate picture of Regina and her power dynamics with others in her life. We see her acting as mayor and the levels of influence she holds over the whole town. The corruption of Storybrooke is clear to all but the most naive. At the same time though, she is not infallible, and those who choose to stand up to her are indeed victorious, but give rise to a Regina who is not only more vicious, but also more sinister and calculating. Favorite Dynamic Emma and Henry! I feel like this episode shows their dynamic even better than the pilot did. Here, they get a bit more banner, and while there’s an intense push-and-pull still there, we get to see more of Henry’s likable and precocious traits and how they mix with a jaded, but less-so Emma. They also get a lot of funny moments! Between and Henry owning up to sending the hot cocoa, more or less demanding Emma walk him to school, and throwing the apple in the hammiest fashion, I could hardly keep a straight face. But more than that, I feel like there’s a good mix of Henry explaining himself, but also not letting a moment of character building drop in his grasp, and not only does he ensure that, but every character that brings him up does the same (Specifically, Archie). Also, Henry’s much more self aware here. Now that the threat of Emma going is averted for the time being, he’s able to express his own understanding of her doubts and build on that logically without letting his belief falter. I love when Regina’s trying to convince him that Emma’s a conwoman and he’s just having none of it. All of this just makes the scene where Regina sets Emma up to hurt Henry by dismissing his beliefs so tragic, especially because it comes from this honest and caring place on Emma’s part. She wants to look out for Henry’s well being, and yet her words are twisted, undoing any good that could come of her well-meaning intentions. When the scene is resolved, it’s not a step in Emma’s journey of belief, per se (She’s very clearly lying about the fairy tale world being real), but in her relationship with Henry, and that’s revealed to be one and the same. I also want to point out the specialness that is their relationship based on the conversation that Emma and Mary Margaret share. Mary Margaret brings up a good point: most everyone who knows and cares enough for Henry are under Regina’s thumb. She controls their livelihoods and make it near impossible to do too much to act in Henry’s best interests. However, Emma, an outsider who is not dependent on Regina (At least at this moment), exists outside this paradigm and is the only one both in a position to and fearless enough to create the change in Henry’s life that will actually improve his situation. It creates a meaningful reason for Emma to remain in Storybrooke and adds a unique challenge to Emma’s usual instinct to not - as Sidney says - “sit still.” Writer A&E are once again at the helm of this episode! Right now, as I work with two episodes, I consider their main strengths to be their depictions of character relationships of all kinds (With one weird exception that honestly surprised me). As for weaknesses, as I know I’ll be expanding on this in due time, overambition. There’s so much set up in this episode as well as the one before it, and while most (within the scope of only these two episodes) gets meaningful resolution, there are some elements that don’t. Rating 10/10...I was conflicted about what to give this episode. It’s great. It’s very fucking great, and a Golden Apple - however repetitious from my last episode. However, this is a rewatch, and with a rewatch comes the acknowledgment and recognition of unused potential of story elements in hindsight, and this episode does show a lot that was never truly acted upon. In addition to background events and characters, some story elements like Emma and Henry pretending to be non believers don’t come back. That having been said, that unused story potential only holds in regard to smaller character and story elements, things that I want to be built on, and that’s a weak criticism at best. The important story elements - the main story points and the integral characters - are treated well by this episode. There’s nuance and charm galore added to our central cast and the story propels us from the powerful pilot into a well-written continuation. So, I took away its * and left it as a 10/10. Flip My Ship Swan Queen - I love the bickering so much! Regina calling Emma “dear” had me giggling like sparkly Rumple after eight cups of coffee! Oh damn, and those intense looks at the hotel! AND the freakin’ apple tree scene! That tension was so thick, you could only hope to cut it with a chainsaw! Dragon Queen - Regina and Mal’s scene is a long and strong, and while I don’t start really feeling it with them until Season 4, I do still love the connection between them. That only friend line implies so much history, and knowing at least the start of their connection really gives extra meaning to that line.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

...So much for keeping these rewatch pieces short, am I right? Hope you liked them and thanks once more to the fine folks at @watchingfairytales for putting this rewatch together! Season Tally (20/220) Writer Tally for Season 1: A&E (20/70)

[hmel78]

In conversation with Andy Jackson ...

73 DAYS AT SEA (2016)

At the mention of ‘Pink Floyd’, people often, perhaps immediately, identify with a certain sound - you could argue that there’s nothing throughout the annals of modern music that quite matches it. Over the past 35 years, of most things pertaining to ‘Pink Floyd’, that sound has been shaped and polished to perfection with the help of Andy Jackson.  As senior engineer at David Gilmour’s studios, he has also worked on all of Gilmour's solo recordings / multimedia projects ( as an engineer and/or co-producer) since 1984. 

Andy Jackson’s talents, however, do not rest solely with ‘Pink Floyd’ - he has also worked with artists such as ‘Heatwave’, ’The Strawbs’, ‘The Boomtown Rats’ (most notably mixing their hit "I Don't Like Mondays"), ‘Incredible Kidda Band’and goth rock group ‘Fields of the Nephilim’– he was also guitar player in the live band version of ‘The Eden House’. Originally trained in the sound engineering profession by producer/engineer James Guthrie, at Utopia Studios,  Andy served  as his assistant for several years, and began work as an engineer for Pink Floyd in 1980 - assisting in the recording of the performances of “The Wall” at Earls Court ; He was also the Front of House engineer on the band's 1994 world tour. Jackson also engineered Roger Waters' first solo album “The Pros and Cons of Hitchhiking”, and worked Front of House on the subsequent tour in 1984.  As Guthrie's assistant, Andy worked on the film soundtrack recordings for “The Wall” and the studio album “The Final Cut”.  When Guthrie relocated to Los Angeles, Andy became the band's primary engineer beginning with “A Momentary Lapse of Reason”, and then “The Division Bell”;  receiving three Grammy Award nominations for Best Engineered Album - for ‘A Momentary Lapse of Reason’ - and Best Engineered / Best Surround Sound album - for ‘The Division Bell’.

In collaboration with engineer Damon Iddings, Andy remastered the majority of the bonus features material on the Immersion editions of “The Dark Side of the Moon” and “Wish You Were Here” for the "Why Pink Floyd...?" reissue campaign ; plus the material recorded for the soundtrack to the band's 1992 auto racing documentary film “La Carrera Panamericana”, as well as engineering, producing, AND playing bass on two of the tracks on their last album “Endless River”, in 2014. Inbetween times, Andy continues to work on his own solo albums - his debut “Signal To Noise” received nothing but rave reviews, and his latest release “73 Days At Sea” looks to be achieving more of the same. We caught up with Andy, on one of his rare hours off ...

HR : When we spoke in 2014, about your debut album “Signal To Noise”, you hinted that one day there may be a second offering of songs - and here it is! “73 Days At Sea”. It’s a truly incredible album Andy, are you happy with it? Andy Jackson : Thanks! I’m sure for anyone involved in any creative process, there’s always a degree of doubt - could it be better? Having said that, I’ve learnt over the years that there is a point where you have to put it away, accept that you are into microscopic changes that no one but yourself will perceive. I feel pretty comfortable that the album was the best I had in me at that time.  The next one will be better! HR : What came first this time, the music or the lyrics?

AJ : One of the things that I decided last time, on ”Signal To Noise”, was that I wouldn’t record anything that wasn’t finished being written, having seen at first hand (many times) the pitfalls of recording backing tracks with no idea what the song is vocally.   That is, after all, the single most important element.  I didn’t change my opinion about that this time.   There again, I can’t say necessarily that anything came first. I tend to knock around lyrical ideas & musical ideas independently, and at some point it becomes clear that one particular lyric belongs with a particular piece of music. Then the evolution starts, when the two things become interactive.   I do allow myself to start on a piece without the lyrics necessarily being totally finished, not least of all, all sorts of minor tweaks are needed once I actually start to sing them, just to make them scan well. HR : Across both albums, some of your song writing is quite personal - although I’m sure many listeners will connect with your philosophy, and the snapshots of your life experiences that are shared in the songs. Do you listen to them and hear your heart on your sleeve, or do you just hear some really great music? AJ : I’ve tried writing from other perspectives, but it always feels like I’m being dishonest.   I don’t think that, that is something that can’t be done - Plenty of great writers write about things outside themselves, I just don’t find that I can do that.  ‘The Gyre’ is a good example - I originally wrote it from a totally different perspective, but in the end it felt contrived, and I needed to write it from the perspective of ‘me’.   The ‘me’ isn’t necessarily totally me, but I just like writing in the first person.   Drownings is a bit of a departure that way, that has bits written as other people, but even then, I needed to totally get under their skin to do it, including a section which I ‘method improvised’, ad lib’d in character.

It’s in my nature to listen to the music primarily, but if I’m going to write lyrics I want them to be worthwhile, I want to be able to read them as if they are someone else’s and to like them.

HR : Has making the recordings somehow aided your own ‘journey’? AJ : Absolutely.   It’s in the act of making them, of doing things that are difficult, that the value lies. “Nothing worth having was ever achieved without effort” -Theodore Roosevelt. HR : The songs on “73 Days At Sea” are linked by a theme - primarily the ocean ... Was the inspiration down to a lifelong affinity with being beside the sea - say, a love of eating ice-cream in the salty air -  are they musings, or is there a deeper connection?

AJ : As I allude to on the album notes, it comes from spending a bit of time working next to the sea at David Gilmour’s studio. I kept feeling a sense of nostalgia when ever I left there, as if it were somewhere that was significant in my past, which it isn’t. I wrote about that in a song (Type 1 error) and found that I kept making reference to the sea in lyrics, without necessarily realising I was doing it until afterwards. I thought about a suite of songs linked by the sea, but it kept getting bigger & bigger, until it became the whole album.  I went down onto the beach one day & recorded the waves, which made a lovely link between songs.  There is no huge significance to it really, or maybe there is on an unconscious level, I can’t know ... HR : Do you have a favourite track on the album? AJ : Same answer as everyone gives – they’re all my babies!   I actually have a fondness for the segue of songs that start the album, that’s the original ‘sea suite’ and works well as the Soft Machine Volume 2 inspired idea.  ‘The Gyre’ was the last one I wrote & recorded, and is probably the most sophisticated musically, so I’m proud of that one too.  The best one is always the next one though, so you’ll have to wait for that! HR : “Drownings” is nothing short of a masterpiece ; some may pick up on a bit of  a ‘Pink Floyd’ vibe - would you embrace that comparison? AJ : People are inevitably always going to hear ‘Pink Floyd’ in what I do.   I often wonder if chance had meant that my career was most associated with, say, ‘Genesis’ or ‘King Crimson’ or even ‘Steve Hillage’, if people would say I sounded like that.  Frankly I don’t worry about it, I just make music I like.

HR : I’m curious about the significance of the dates, detailed alongside the lyrics in the booklet ...

AJ : The dates in ‘Drownings’ really serve to help understand the chronology in the song.  I thought of Part 1, Part 2 etc (although not in that order), but I like the dates as it makes it like diary entries. I also ended up with having 2 of the sections being the same date, but from different perspectives, which I like, what 2 different people are thinking at the same time.  The specifics of the dates are arbitrary, although I did look them up to make sure they were all mundane dates, so they all feel like rainy Tuesdays.

HR : “Signal To Noise” was a complete solo effort, but you invited some guest artists to perform on “73 Days At Sea”; namely David Jackson from ‘Van Der Graaf Generator’, and  Anne Marie Helder from ‘Panic Room’, who both feature on ‘Drownings’ - did you envisage their involvement from the beginning? AJ : No, it evolved as I was making the song, and for different reasons.   Once ‘Drownings’ became written from the different perspectives of the people in it, it became obvious that I needed to have a female voice to sing the female role (there is a version with me singing it, but it’s a bit ridiculous).   Anne-Marie came about just because I knew her work and thought she’d be good, so I asked her, simple as that.   David Jackson was just because I have always been a huge fan of his playing, and thought it’d be great to have him on the song.   If he’d said no I wouldn’t have got a different sax player, it was specific to David.  Again it was just a matter of asking him.   I definitely envisage doing something with David again, on the next album probably ...

HR : Did ALL of your guitars make it onto this album? AJ : No they didn’t this time. It was a much more limited palate than I used before, somewhat deliberately.   Pretty much one electric (which was new for me, a PRS with P90s), one for slide, a 12 string electric and one 6 string and one 12 string acoustic.  No real reason, just keeping it simpler this time, there’s a bit of trying to give it a ‘band’ feel to the album, even though it’s 4 incarnations of me. HR : The cover artwork on both “Signal To Noise”, and “73 Days At Sea” are pieces by Michael Bergt, and they’re an absolutely  perfect fit -  how did you come across his work? What is it about his art that you admire? AJ : It was a chance find when I was doing Signal to noise.  I googled for ‘Sisyphus’, while writing the lyrics to ‘One More Push’, and the painting that I used on the cover for that album came up. It immediately struck me as perfect for the album cover, so I emailed Michael and asked him.  He was more than happy for me to use it, and for a very minimal price.   It seemed obvious to go back to him again for 73 days at sea.  If anything, I think that one is even better & more appropriate.   One fluke is the balloon in that painting, I already had the instrumental piece called ‘Ballooning’ (in fact that’s a very old piece of music & was always called that).  Couldn’t be more perfect!   I should mention the ‘barbie on the beach’ picture, which I love, was kindly provided by you!!

HR : [laughs] Indeed! I feel very honoured ...

AJ : I had a conversation with Anne-Marie about the fact that, as ‘cottage industry’ artists, we end up doing our own artwork, with no Storm Thorgerson type bringing in brilliant ideas & craftsmanship.  Makes the whole thing even more ‘mine’ though.

HR : Totally - and it is perfect. I think you get a real sense of how much of YOU has gone into the whole album ;  the sound, and the way the physical copies look. Both of them  - you should be incredibly proud! Since we last caught up, you’ve worked on David Gilmour’s latest album “Rattle That Lock” -  it’s quite an eclectic album, was it demanding to record?

AJ : It was a slightly odd album to work on. The way David works these days, he does a lot of work of putting the songs together on his own. We’ve set up the Brighton studio so he can come in & tinker and record anything he likes.  I get brought in when we do the ‘serious bits’.  This was doubly unusual inasmuch as we broke off this album to do ‘Endless River’, so it was a couple of years between my first stint on it, recording drums with Steve, to the final overdubs and mix. In the middle, David had built the album, so I came into half finished songs that I didn’t know.   One of the issues that many ‘big stars’ have is that no one is prepared to tell them that anything they do is no good.   That’s not a problem for me, we’ve worked together for 35 years now.  He really needs someone to be able to say yes/ no do it again, let’s drop in this bit and so on, which is a role that I do for him. As ever, with Protools sprawl, the toughest thing was that in the end some of the songs were 120 tracks or so, just because it’s so easy to defer decisions. Took a bit of sorting out!! HR : What projects have you got lined up for the coming year - are you planning  a 3rd solo album? Any live shows?

AJ : Well I’m halfway through a stint on a project I can’t really talk about. Let me just say it’s a whole heap of archive recordings for a well known band who I’m associated with!

As for my own music, when I get the time I’ll start on my next project. I want to explore a particular dynamic I have in mind. I’ve often thought that in recording or rehearsing situations I’ve been in, either working with others or as part of a band, sometimes someone will play something that I think is great, and that everything else should be built around that thing, to let it be the most important thing. Too often I see that idea lost, buried under other people’s opinions or lack of vision.  As, with my own music, I am in the position of being able to make all the choices, I have the opportunity to absolutely follow my vision.   I’m going to try a methodology of working with other people (such as David Jackson) and giving them the chance to be the defining element on something (by being ‘first’).  Hopefully this way I can get an album that is made of extraordinary things.

Live shows, I don’t know.  It’d need to coalesce into a band really for that to be viable. I’d like to do it one day, but who knows when.

[Andy spotted one of my more bizarre photos one day, and it features within the inlay booklet artwork of 73 Days At Sea]

[bitesizedscion]

Never-Ending Survey (Saki Edition)

Basics

Full Name: Rahelle, of the Nameless Clan

Alias: Saki Sakurai (most know her by this name)

Nicknames: “Saks” (only if one wishes to die)

Age: 20 (ShB, 17 in ARR)

Birthday: 4th Sun of the Third Astral Moon (4th of May)

Ethnic Group: Mixed Seeker/Keeper

Nationality: Sharlayan (technically)

Language/s: Common, “Bastard Sharlayan” (essentially pirate pig Latin)

Sexual Orientation: Bisexual

Romantic Orientation: Biromantic

Relationship Status: In a committed relationship /w Alphinaud (but not Eternally Bonded in canon... yet)

Home Town / Area: The Isle of Intense, in the Bloodbrine Sea

Current Home: Split between the Rising Stones and the Crystarium/Pendants

Profession: Scion of the Seventh Dawn, Inventor

Physical

Hair: Black, straight and fluffy. Mid-chest length. (This changes greatly depending on where in canon we’re talking about, or which AU, with most of them being impossible to portray in game. *laughs*)

Eyes: Large, upturned and green (like peridot)

Face: Typical chubby round Miqo’te face with age/clan marks (Face 4)

Lips: Chapped (but “pliable”)

Complexion: Not exceptionally pale but also not very dark, “medium” pasty

Blemishes: None

Scars: Too many to count, magic doesn’t heal everything. Somehow she’s avoided getting any on her neck and face, but her body (esp. her knuckles) are a battleground.

Tattoos: None

Height: 4 Fulms, 11 Ilms (4′11″, short even for F!Miqo’te)

Weight: She doesn’t track this, but she’s got a BMI on the higher end of healthy

Build: Short and curvy, with large breasts and wide hips

Features: Soft and rounded

Allergies: None

Usual Hairstyle: Worn down /w bangs

Usual Face Look: No makeup, messy eyebrows

Usual Clothing: Shorts and thighboots, jackets /w rolled up sleeves

Voice Claim: Laura Bailey as Lucina in Fire Emblem: Awakening (2013)

Psychology

Fear/s: Being worthless/insignificant (Enneagram), Losing her sense of self

Aspiration/s: To get the Scions back to the Source, to stay sober, to protect Alphinaud and Alisaie

Positive Traits: Observant, Tolerant, Creative, Honest, Loyal

Negative Traits: Overly-sensitive, Rough/Crass, Cynical, Aggressive/Violent, Distrustful

Temperament: Melancholic/Phlegmatic

MBTI: ISTP

Soul Type/s: Artisan/Warrior

Animals: Black Panther

Vice Habit/s: Avoiding eye contact, laying her ears back, exaggerated tail movement/whipping, crossing her arms and turning her back

Faith: Walks a weird line between Theism/Atheism, lmao. (Basically, “I know Gods (plural) exist, but I fucking hate them.”)

Ghosts?: Undecided. In the case of “hauntings” or ghosts that do not have a physical form, she believes them to be more like “shadows created by the minds of the living” instead of being actual spirits/souls.

Afterlife?: The in-game scientific explanation — that one’s soul is reincarnated without it’s memories after a time, but one’s aether dissipates and one’s body rots and returns to the earth. Generally believes, even so, that those we lose cease to exist as we know them when they die.

Reincarnation?: See above

Aliens?: I don’t... know? *stares at Hraesvelgr* (OOC)

Political Alignment: Mostly apathetic/semi-resentful about politics, but values individualism as a personal philosophy

Education Level: Severely basic formal education, years upon years of self-study and hard-earned experience

Family

Father: An as-of-yet unnamed Nunh, who challenged and overtook the previous Nunh because he fell in love with the man’s counterpart, the head female (who had already sired multiple children with the previous Nunh) and wanted to stand beside her as her equal.

Mother: An as-of-yet unnamed head female of the Nameless clan, who had seen several Nunhs come and go and had already given birth to many children. Despite being on the tail end of her mating years, she was impressed by a Tia who defeated her Nunh in order to win her heart and become her equal, and fell in love with him. Saki and her sister were this pair’s only children with one another, born only shortly before their mother went into menopause (personal HC about Miqo’te biology).

Siblings: Multiple half-siblings, all much older than her. Her only true-blooded sibling is Rehane, her twin sister, with whom she (quite literally) shared half her soul.

Extended Family: The Nameless clan itself, though they have been estranged for nearly a decade.

Name Meaning/s: No particular meaning, but her clan’s naming conventions are a mix of Seeker and Elezen due to cultural influence.

Historical Connection?: None

Favourites

Book: Until recently, she struggled with reading due to severe untreated Dyslexia, but the situation has improved as to where she can read some things. She doesn’t have a specific favourite, but she enjoys books about engineering and will read anything Alphinaud recommends (even if only to debate about it).

Deity: None, hates all Gods.

Holiday: Valentione’s Day, as not only is it close to the Twins’ birthday (headcanon), but she has fond memories of spending this holiday with her lover.

Month: Second Astral/Umbral Moons, because for those two short months, Alphinaud, Alisaie and her are the same age.

Season: Spring and Fall

Place: Ishgard, forever and always. Also very fond of Mor Dhona and Limsa Lominsa, all because of past history/memories.

Weather: Less particular weather, more about temperature. She likes things slightly chilly, but not too cold.

Sound/s: The click of a successfully-loaded firearm, the crackle of a hearth, the rustle of paper being turned, Alisaie’s laugh.

Scent/s: Cooking seafood or meat, warm freshly-buttered bread, vanilla, fogweed, leather, lavender shampoo, the natural scent of a very specific person.

Taste/s: Rich things (like cream-based soup), seafood, garlic bread, coffee (but only secondhand *wink*)

Feel/s: Silky hair, wood grain, textured paper, the feel of nails/teeth being dragged across her skin.

Animal/s: Completely and THOROUGHLY a dog person. No contest.

Number: Two.

Colours: Midnight Blue, Cactuar Green, Pure White.

Extra

Talents: Fixing things esp. mechanical things (magitek appliances, clocks, jewelry clasps, etc.) or taking them apart and somehow putting them back together so they work better than before. Cooks pretty well. Unexpectedly amazing at taking care of her loved ones when they’re injured/sick. Can look at ideas/situations from multiple angles besides her own, making her viewpoint valuable at times.

Bad At: Guessing other’s emotions/view points without conversation, verbal apologies, dancing, turning the other cheek, conveying a point without being misunderstood or obtuse.

Turn Ons: Delicate beauty, long hair, slender necks, but most of all, intellect and passion. Height difference (bigger OR smaller), being towered over/looked up at, and flat-out excessive and obvious attention and affection from her lover.

Turn Offs: Crass, stereotypical “macho” attitudes, being hit on instead of courted properly, people who fetishize Miqo’te, any sort of unasked for non-consensual touching, being patronized or looked down upon, being “coddled” or “handled with oven mitts” because she’s small and/or looks soft/weak.

Hobbies: Inventing (of all types), telling stories, cooking, learning new things in general.

Tropes: Little Miss Badass/Broken Bird, The Gunslinger, Sugar-and-Ice Personality, No Social Skills, Deadpan Snarker, Pragmatic Hero/Chaotic Good, Jerk with a Heart of Gold/Took a Level in Kindness, Two Siblings in One/Merger of Souls, etc.

Quote/s: “Quite honestly? I can’t be arsed to give a single swiving fuck about this good/evil, light/dark shite. We’re all painted in shades of grey, and if someone endeavours to understand me, then I’ll attempt to do the same — I guess. Whether or not they are friends or foes needs not apply.”

Mun Questions

Question 1: If you could write your character your way in their own movie, what would it be called, what style would it be filmed in, and what would it be about?

Answer: Oh, Gods. Knowing her issues it’d probably be something depressing like Eternal Sunshine in a Spotless Mind or Requiem for a Dream. *pained laugh*

Question 2: What would their soundtrack/score sound like?

Answer: Early 2000s rock anthems. Green Day (esp. the songs from American Idiot), 30 Seconds to Mars, The Killers, Three Days Grace, The Fray. My Saki muse also really likes Kenshi Yonezu for some reason? (Uma to Shika, anyone?)

Question 3: Why did you start writing this character?

Answer: She evolved from an Raen Au Ra Samurai WoL from Othard, who had trust issues because her father had allowed a Garlean soldier to slit her throat (severing her vocal chords and making her permanently mute) instead of giving away the names of resistance operatives. Truth be told, they don’t have much in common anymore — the themes of trust stayed, but everything else is very different.

To tell the truth, I don’t passively create characters. I purposefully flesh them out and write backstory and indulge in their personal journey/story in order to enjoy the game, which is probably why the last game I actually finished was Mass Effect 3 the year it was released. ಠ_ಠ

Question 4: What first attracted you to this character?

Answer: Mostly the potential to explore darker themes and relational trauma of my own. She’s a very personal character (to me). That said, she also embodies some of my ideals, and we’re nowhere near the same (nor is she a self-insert).

Question 5: Describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse.

Answer: The subtext. THE SUBTEXT. Saki is NOT a character who says what she means, often forcing the people around her to read between the lines and that’s so, so hard for me as an Aspie.

Question 6: What do you have in common with your muse?

Answer: Feeling disconnected and alienated from others, and having a lot of built up trauma surrounding connecting and interacting with them. Not going into much more detail than that.

Question 7: How does your muse feel about you?

Answer: She... doesn’t really... know I exist. I don’t really attempt to converse with any of my characters like that.

Question 8: What characters does your muse have interesting interactions with?

Answer: Alphinaud, obviously. Their relationship is strongly influenced by the “enemies to lovers” and “belligerent sexual tension” tropes, I think, since they don’t like each other at all at first but come to love one another through intellectual compatibility and conscious effort to understand each other. The rest came later.

Her and Alisaie have a strong sisterly relationship, one that eventually extends to include Ryne when they meet her.

In my Amaryllis AU she works alongside other WoLs, namely my sister’s character Syhrsyng Agatwyn and my friend Csilla’s character Csilla Beleth.

Question 9: What gives you inspiration to write your muse?

Answer: Everything under the sun. I’m always imagining her in situations I experience or see on the internet, only a quarter of which actually get written down.

Question 10: How long did this take you to complete?

Answer: ಠ_ಠ