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laynefaire · 3 years

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I posted 3,510 times in 2021

122 posts created (3%)

3388 posts reblogged (97%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 27.8 posts.

I added 1,584 tags in 2021

#fanfiction - 315 posts

#ziam fanfiction - 256 posts

#28th appreciation - 178 posts

#shadow dancing - 156 posts

#my writing - 127 posts

#angst - 111 posts

#boxing au - 111 posts

#firefighter!liam - 110 posts

#dancer!zayn - 110 posts

#boxer!liam - 110 posts

Longest Tag: 121 characters

#i loved this fic so much - that was when i still had time to read - cause i wasn't writing in what little free time i had

My Top Posts in 2021

T-Shirt Raffle for The Way Youth Zone

We’re raffling this limited edition LP Final Act t-shirt from Liam’s January livestream. The shirt is a size 2X - I was sent a duplicate merch order and while I love mine, I don’t need two of them!

The top picture is the actual shirt on raffle, the bottom is from Liam’s site so you can see the details. The raffle will run from now until August 29th, with the winner drawn on August 30th.

To enter the raffle, simply make a minimum $5 to the 1DFansGive fundraising page on VirginGiving and add the #LPTee to your comment. Each $5 increment is another raffle entry - ie $10=2 entries, $25=5 entries, etc.

Please also include a name or tumblr URL so we can track donations for the drawing. Donations can not be anonymous, as we would have no way to identify who you are. Each $5 increment is another raffle entry - ie $10=2 entries, $25=5 entries, etc.

Good Luck and Thank you for supporting The Way Youth Zone and honoring Liam for all he does!

86 notes • Posted 2021-08-20 17:46:25 GMT

Hoodie Raffle For The Way Youth Zone

Since there seems to be an interest --

We’re raffling this limited edition LP Final Act hoodie from Liam’s January livestream. The hoodie is a size 2X - I was sent a duplicate merch order and while I love mine, I don’t need two of them!

The top picture is the actual hoodie, the bottom is from Liam’s site so you can see the details. The raffle will run from now until August 29th, with the winner drawn on August 30th.

To enter the raffle, simply make a minimum $5 to the 1DFansGive fundraising page on VirginGiving and add the #LPHoodie to your comment. Each $5 increment is another raffle entry - ie $10=2 entries, $25=5 entries, etc.

Good Luck and Thank you for supporting The Way Youth Zone and honoring Liam for all he does!

118 notes • Posted 2021-08-20 17:38:47 GMT

Wearing my new Live from London sweatshirt and I felt something scratching my shoulder (ignore my tired face I've been up since 5am)

Make the tag softer next time, Louis.

126 notes • Posted 2021-02-05 01:35:43 GMT

GIVING TUESDAY

The Tuesday after Thanksgiving is designated as Giving Tuesday. Due to Virgin Giving shutting down, the only two active drives are Louis' and Harry's.

I know the continuing pandemic and resultant economic upheaval have made things tight for everyone, however if you have the wherewithal, and are so inclined, here are the links to this year's charity drives

Louis' drive for FareShare

Harry's drive for Switchboard

127 notes • Posted 2021-11-30 13:36:45 GMT

1DFansGive and Liam’s 28th Birthday

We’re getting a late start, but it’s that time of year!! Once again, 1DFansGive is supporting The Way Youth Zone to celebrate Liam’s Birthday.

Liam has supported The Way Youth Zone in Wolverhampton since construction first began on the facility in 2015, even attending their groundbreaking ceremony in April of that year.

Each Youth Zone provides local young people aged between eight and 19, or up to 25 with a disability, affordable access to high-quality sports, arts and leisure facilities and activities, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year. This universal offer is complemented by crucial, targeted services that support employability, wellbeing and health, helping those young people who need additional support.

I have had the privilege of visiting The Way in Wolverhampton on two occasions, and not only are the facilities first class, the people I’ve had the opportunity to meet are all wonderfully kind, caring individuals with a true desire to make a difference within the community.

I hope you will join us once again in supporting The Way and honoring Liam for his kind and generous spirit.

337 notes • Posted 2021-06-05 01:59:40 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #absolutely not surprised by any of this #especially Liam's drive being 3 of my top posts

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messyliferip · 3 years

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I posted 791 times in 2021

13 posts created (2%)

778 posts reblogged (98%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 59.8 posts.

I added 50 tags in 2021

#studyblr - 9 posts

#medblr - 9 posts

#medschool diaries - 8 posts

#uni diaries - 4 posts

#medschool - 4 posts

#studying - 4 posts

#university - 3 posts

#midterms - 3 posts

#booklr - 3 posts

#study - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 131 characters

#i told my sister if i fail more than one class this semester i’m gonna grow a pair and tell my parents that i have to change majors

My Top Posts in 2021

back from my anatomy lab midterm. It was 29 questions and 45 seconds for each picture. I left so many qs empty smh like i would recognize the muscles and then the question would be about their innervations and origin/insertions like agslsjsoskndz. also like i knew all the foremen of the skull but i totally blanked when i came to naming the structures that run through them. i’m such an idiot for not studying more but i’m chill with whatever grade i get tbh i’ll just do good on the final. it was nice to study with friends and yea it was just a good day.

anyways i have physiology lab mid on tuesday so i have to study for that.

1 notes • Posted 2021-11-14 11:44:26 GMT

First Final of 2nd Year Medschool……

i feel like garbage…. tmrw is my first final of the semester and i’m scared. it’s histology lab so it shouldn’t be too bad and as of right now i’m actually passing the class so again not that worried but i honestly haven’t studied that much. BUT i also have studied a lot of my histology class which the lab is heavily influenced by soooo i should be good PLUS i have studied like well enough i think i’m more stressed cause a lot of my friends are still studying and i’m like…. should i also still be studying ??? buts it’s literally like i studied so i shouldn’t be freaking out …. but i still am.

honestly i hate final seasons cause i always feel like such a trash human cause i rely on human interactions and i totally ghost all my friends and most of my friends live far away since i go to uni abroad so it’s soooo frustrating. like idc how much they say to just focus on my studies and dw like IM ALWAYS WORRYING and like whenever i do go back to texting it’s like no time has passed but I still feel like i need to be texting them 24/7…. which is sooo unhealthy ik but i just hate hate ghosting !!! i always try and be like sorry i’m busy with studying and finals but then sometimes i also just hate opening texts soooo ahdodmshuoaoa anywaayyysss s hopefully tmrw goes well!!!!!

2 notes • Posted 2021-12-12 21:00:21 GMT

my life is a mess~

finals start in two weeks and i have nothing set i’m a mess and i’m panicking. my life is a mess, my mind is a labyrinth,my desk is a mess and everything is lost. I can’t even find my histology drawing book and the drawings are due tmrw. I have nothing done i’ve studied like two chapters since midterms what tf happened….. i’ve been so consumed with quizzes and hw that i haven’t been able to study. i literally just study for the quiz and go to the next and then forget what i’ve studied…..

i need like 80s in all my finals so i can pass my classes,,,, effff this is so bad…. and i still have two essays and a quiz this week and then next week i have histology and physiology lab finals ahdlnsisldjaodmnfe i need to get my shi* together.

3 notes • Posted 2021-12-02 13:28:28 GMT

medschool guilt is real… and it sucks :/

so i finished my last midterm yesterday and today is the first day of the weekend and I still woke up at 5am but instead of going straight into studying I just wasted time, chilled, texted friends, watched yt etc. etc. etc. and then family came over and there was this whole party and everything…. I literally got some studying done and reviewed stuff but J feel like such an utter failure. It’s like if I don’t study everyday then suddenly there’s no hope for the other upcoming days?? like if i don’t MAKE this a habit by doing 64 consecutive days then might as well stop now?? and just like it’s so easy to feel so guilty about taking off ONE day after four weeks of midterms… :/// it’s 12am so hopefully these are just late night sad boo hour thoughts and they’ll all go away in the morning. It’s just scary cause I really need to do an AMAZING job on the finals and i’m just scared… i really need to do well and i have two or three quizzes this upcoming week so I really need to study.

anyways sorry for the depressing note but tmrw is going to be great!!! and if not we always have after tmrw :)

4 notes • Posted 2021-11-18 22:04:34 GMT

JUST FINISHED ALL MY MIDTERMS OF SECOND YEAR AT MEDICAL SCHOOL!!! 🥳🥳🥳 honestly they last test totally sucked (histology lab) especially compared to physio lab which was Godsent but you know you reap what you sow. I studied the slides and totally missed and didnt study the stains like an idiot, i seriously had no idea that half of the freaking test was gonna be on stains, i literally only remembered H&E, sudan orange, and silver stain. like bruuuhhhh ashdoiwosnjdplwjer. anyways it izzz wat it izzz i’m actually a lot more motivated to study now cause like 1) i need like 80-90s in my finals to pass and 2) i got to end on a high note.

I have an upcoming anatomy quiz which covers the Scalp and Face which is all the muscles of the face and their actions and then temporal and infratemporal fossa. The muscles i’ve got dooowwwnn i just need to memorize the origins and insertions but the infratemporal fossa is so confusing for me idk why. And then next week I also have a physiology quiz which covers the parathyroid hormone and I haven’t reviewed that since before midterms soooo it’s been a minute. I also skipped a biochemistry and a histology lecture this week so I have one biochem chapter and then for histology half of the bone chapter, which tbh i’m seriosuly not looking forward to. Honestly what world are we living in that biochemistry is better than histology ??? like whaaattt?? Also my anatomy professor for lower limb is both so behind and also just going sooo damn fast like bruh…. so I have like three chapters to study one of them being nerves of the leg and if you know me you know i HATTEEE nerves and vessels so not looking forward to studying that.

This weekend I’m going to try and study mainly physiology and biochem. and then anatomy and histology. and literally yeet tf out of genetics. i’m seriously not even gonna look at the class until before finals like ew. anyways imma stop here cause i’m literally in physio class i just don’t know wtf this chick is talking abt. we just finished reproductive systems and this is the first lecture for GIT and i’m just lost. it’s also 8pm and a zoom class so yk i’m just in my phone.

8 notes • Posted 2021-11-17 18:14:13 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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sk8-brainrot · 3 years

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sk8 swap au fic?!?!

okay so if you see in this post here you can see me and someone else brainstorming a swap AU right? well again on another night where i stayed up till like 5am i thought of so many ideas and was wondering if i should write a 1 shot or a full blown fan fic (1500 per page minimum ig) so if yall want me to write a sample for yall to look over and review hmu cause for some reason i dont wanna write for school work but instead write a 50 page sk8 swap au essay <3 also if you have any ideas for the au comment or reblog em cause i need more things for this au!!

#sk8 #sk8 the infinity #sk8 AU #sk8 swap AU #reki kyan #langa hasegawa #reki sk8 #langa sk8 #big brain ideas only come when i need to sleep ig #i dont need sleep i need ranga / sk8 swap au content #au ideas #lmao yay more reasons to put off actual work

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between-two-fandoms · 4 years

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Who We Used To Be (Ray/Rose/Trevor)

As told by myself and @thesevenumbrellas tag teaming the whump in the 18+ JatP discord. Sev I swear we operate on the same braincell levels, we do be clowning. @bobbywilsonsupremacy let us know what you think of this! I know you and I both hardcore ship Raybse.

Cover was created by @thesevenumbrellas. Please don’t steal it.

This post got long so fair warning.

We wrote this in a discord server over the time span of hours so there’s some mistakes but i’m too lazy to go back and fix it all. Basically we tag teamed on a Raybse Trevor Wilson-centric whump story and can destroy a fandom with a single touch.

You’ll understand once you click the cut.

Don’t Steal Our Writing (but please reblog this to spread it around).

Trauma Time.

major whump warning

(Ren) Okay so if we're gonna be starting at 90's ot3 my children ray/bobby/Rose know that Ray is a panic bi and loves both of these humans very much with his whole ass heart.

(Ren) He takes pictures of his girlfriend and boyfriend while they’re on dates because he wants to capture the moments he was happy the most. Bobby always shed away from the camera burying his face in Rose's shoulder or leaning in for a kiss. Anyways as time goes by Ray notices Bobby's change in behavior. From being his go-happy-trauma boyf to being caught up in the music scene, often out at all hours to parties and label meetings only to come to to sleep on the couch, not even sharing the bed like he used to. It reminds Ray of the time when Bobby was grieving his boys. Ray hates it, but he loves bobby so he pushes his feelings aside to try and arrange more dates for the three of them to go on together.

(Sev) Ray waking up to only Rose in the bed and not Bobby, and it feels too cold in bed without him. So he'll try to call him, because it's 3am and he's supposed to be home and he's not. And Ray remembers what happened to Bobby's bandmates, and he can't admit it out loud but he's worried. Because what if that happens to Bobby? He knows it was a freak accident! What are the odds of it happening again?? But he can't shake that feeling when Bobby doesn't come home at night and Ray stays up all night worrying. Anyway he tries to call Bobby and Bobby doesn't answer. He'll leave loads of voicemails, trying not to be pushy because he knows Bobby doesn't respond well to that. But he's worried. He'll say "hey please call me when you get this." and then ten minutes later try again "hey just text me that you're safe okay?" He can't sleep because Bobby still isn't home. It's 5am. He has to go to work in two hours. Rose keeps telling him to go to bed but he can't.[2:58 PM]Bobby finally texts back. "I'm okay! Was playing with some friends, the gig went over time and then we went to party." Ray wants to be angry because seriously? No phone calls because he was at a party? But he knows that'll just push Bobby away more!

(Ren) And so Ray has all of these festering emotions that boil down to worry and concern at the core but he's just so scared hes losing Bobby cause he never really had his own family to begin with and then one day when Ray comes home early from a photoshoot he can hear Bobby and Rose fighting over Bobby signing the contract that says he wrote Luke's songs but Ray just hears yelling before he even opens the door with his name thrown into the mix and then he gets even more scared because what if he loses Rose and Bobby? if he lost both of them he'd be destroyed. So he doesnt knock. He doesnt go home. Instead he walks around the city until he was supposed to go home originally and he opens the door and there's a sort of eerie silence in the air.

(Sev) Trevor’s unable to shake the feeling that something terrible will happen to Rose and Ray because he's with them. His entire family were killed in 1 night because he wasn't there with them. So at first he's clingy as fuck to Rose and Ray because what if something bad happens when he's not there? What if what if what if... But as time goes on the thinking flips. Maybe it's the music industry that's the problem. It's these weird connections in his head of if he's too successful, bad things might happen. But he can't quit music like that, he can't give up on Luke's dream. He owes his boys to become successful. So instead he distances himself from Rose and Ray. That way they won't be caught up in whatever bad thing is going to happen to him. He distances himself and he waits for it all to drop. He waits for the universe to punish him again.

(Ren) And the universe punishes Bobby when the tension between him and Rose tightens so much he knows there's no going back from it but he's not admitting to stealing the songs because he didn't. He helped Luke write all of the songs more than Alex and Reggie ever did, staying up late with Luke after fights with his mom and Bobby didn’t want Luke to be alone so yeah, he wrote the songs. Maybe not as much as he claimed but he sure as hell made sure his brother wasn’t alone so that counted for something right? And it did. Until Rose kicks him out of bed because she's pissed he'd even consider stealing music and he cant tell Ray because of the NDA the label got him to sign at a party when he was drunk and the only reason Rose knows about it is because she was there when he signed the damn thing and so Bobby pulls away from Ray because isnt it going to be easier in the long run? If he doesn’t attach himself to Ray who'll just get angry at him like Rose did?

(Sev) It's the guilt that grows inside of him every passing day. They're my songs too he tells himself over and over again. But during the dark nights, three glasses of whisky in when the world is getting hazy... even he can't believe the lies he tells himself. He fucked up Sunset Curve. He fucked up his friends' memories. And now he fucked up the only good thing he'd ever had. Ray texts him nonstop. He doesn't understand why Rose kicked Bobby out and he doesn't understand why Bobby listened. Bobby can't take Ray away from Rose. He's fucked up and a terrible person, but even he can't do that. He doesn't give Ray his new address. He refuses to meet up even for Ray to give him his stuff back. All Bobby can do is hold onto Ray's sweatshirt he stole away and a bottle of perfume the same brand Rose always wears. He cradles these things in his arms and cries.

(Ren) And that's the last he sees of Ray for all of 5 years, 20yr old puppy-dog eyed loving precious ray who Bobby would run to the second Rose says its okay. But rose never does. And then Bobby meets a cute blonde and six months later the barista shows up on his doorstep shoving Carrie into his arms calling her a bastard child. Carrie is not a bastard child Carrie is his and he loves her the second he sets eyes on her and so Bobby turns into Trevor when the new year rolls around and he starts his own album. It doesn’t do as well as Luke's his first album did but it was his. And then one day Trevor signs Carrie up for dance because Trisha from first grade made fun of her for not being able to do the splits and on the way out of the dance studio Trevor bumps into Ray, a terrified looking girl clutched to his leg. Carrie doesn't miss a beat. "Hi! I'm Carrie let's be friends!" and Carrie drags Ray's daughter off and Trevor shifts awkwardly and is suddenly 17 again but Ray's eyes still twinkle like the did when they were kids and he's still wearing eyeliner so Trevor almost missed it when a flicker of recognition crosses Ray’s face and a smile quirks at the corners of his lips and he says, "hi im Ray, thats my daughter Julie. Wanna go out for a drink?" With that same mischievous glint in his eye that made Bobby fall in love with him in the first place.

(Sev) Trevor almost stops breathing. He should say no. He knows he should say no. He's an awful person. He doesn't deserve someone like Ray. He never deserved either of them. He knows that. But can't force himself to say no. Maybe it's the twinkle in Ray's eyes. Maybe it's the soul crushing loneliness he's felt ever since he left them. Or maybe it's the way Carrie and Julie are giggling in the corner like they've known each other all their lives. He says yes. The drink ends up at a family friendly restaurant with both the girls in tow.

(Ren) Rose shows up because Ray the asshole apparently texted her while he was in the car saying he met one of Julie's friend's parents and wanted to go out on a date (keeping things pg ofc) aklsdf. And when Rose does show up Trevor sees how... sick she looks. How much paler she looked than she did all those years ago how - he still knew he loved her even if she still decided she hated him.

(Sev) The mood drops quickly. Trevor wants to ask about Rose, but not in front of the kids. Ray wants to ask about their past, but not in front of the kids. Rose... Rose who holds all the answers... doesn't know where to start first. She had never regretted not telling Ray the truth. She never wanted to change Ray's perception of Bobby like that. Ray who looked at their boyfriend as if he'd hung the moon. Ray who stayed up worrying all night until Bobby came home. Ray who held Bobby through countless nightmares... But that makes the truth staring them in the face so much harder. Because she never gave Ray the choice. She realized that a few years too late after she catches Ray staring at old pictures of Bobby in their photo albums. She'd made the choice for him. And then there's Trevor... still beautiful, staring at her with so much concern her heart breaks all over again.

(Ren) The tension doesn't fly over Carrie's head like he hoped it would, she talks to Julie about My Little Pony and Pokemon and High School Musical and their mutual hatred for Trisha from school but Carrie's hand never lets go of his and he finally plucks up the courage and stretches his arm out and says "we're vegetarian for the most part, hope that's okay." And a smile quirks at the corner of her lips and she asks "for the most part?" and Trevor nods and Carrie pipes up from her seat saying "daddy hates hot dogs,” in that blatant fact kind of way kids say things without realizing how problematic it could be. It wasn’t her fault though, Trevor has yet to tell her about her uncles, about how he was in a band, about how they were going to be legends.

(Sev) Rose and Ray both freeze at Carrie's voice. He doesn't know if the girls notice, because he's too busy trying to fight back the panic in his throat. It's been a long time since anyone had brought up ... what happened. It's easy to pretend it didn't happen when his name is Trevor and no one knows him. But these two people know him. They know him more than anyone else ever has. Even the boys. The truth hits him hard at that moment. A truth he'd been avoiding for almost two decades. Ray and Rose know him better than even he knew himself. Maybe that was why Rose had been so furious with him, or why Ray continued to chase after him even months after he moved out. Trevor hides the building panic and sudden realization with a smile. "What an I say," he said as causally as he can. "I'm a picky eater." A few hours later they end up back at the Molina's house. Bobby has no idea how it happened. -No, Trevor has no idea how it happened, he scolds himself. He's Trevor. He has to be Trevor. Trevor got him this far, Trevor made the difficult choices. Bobby was the one who got his friends kill and destroyed the best relationship he ever had. Still, it becomes harder and harder to remind himself of that. To stop himself from slipping into the comfortable shoes of Bobby, boyfriend of Ray and Rose as if the past 17 years had never happened. He finds himself on their sofa, a sofa that brings back memories both good and bad... he finds himself in a familiar home, his old studio just a short walk away, his ex's giggling in the kitchen as they make his coffee the way he's always liked it without asking for a reminder.

(Ren) Trevor can remember the day he stopped drinking the coffee Ray made for him, the morning after his first fight with Rose, when he wakes up cold because Rose basically cocooned herself around Ray's body, keeping her back turned to him and as much as he wanted to reach out to Ray, to hug him and comfort him and tell him it was all going to be okay... everything was too stuffy and too tense and deciding he just had to leave because he was going to suffocate otherwise.

(Sev) He should leave, just like last time. What was he even doing here? He should take Carrie and- Then Ray's in front of him, pushing a hot cup into is hands. "The girls are playing upstairs," he says. His voice is so calm, so understanding. "We don't have to talk if you don't want to." Trevor almost laughs. Because that's so like Ray. Almost a decade without answers and he's giving Trevor the option to ignore it all. To pretend like nothing ever happened. But he can't be that selfish again. So he shakes his head. "I'd... like to talk to you... to both of you."

(Ren) And then suddenly rose is eyeing him sus but he's been putting this off for to long and honestly fuck his label because they screwed him over one too many times for him to still even consider their relationship anything other than employee-client1[4:06 PM]and so Trevor takes a sip of Ray's coffee holy shit how did go so long without it?! and he explains it. he explains everything.

(Sev) Ray doesn't speak as Trevor explains. He never interrupts or even look surprised. His face is completely unreadable. He doesn't move until Trevor's done. And then once he is, he only stands up to start pacing the room. Trevor's oddly reminded of Alex as he does so, and the memory is enough to make him flinch. "This... this is what you two have been hiding from me for so long?" he asked, voice brittle. "This is... this is what cost us... I mean..." But he can't finish. Ray just shakes his head, back to both Rose and Trevor.

(Ren) Suddenly he's seventeen again. Seventeen and a mess in Ray's arms burying his face into the man's chest finally feeling the weight of the world lift off of his shoulders and suddenly Rose is hugging him from behind, her too-skiny bone arms snaking around his chest and hugging him tightly threatening to never let him go saying "amour," and pressing a kiss to the back of his head, "amour we never stopped loving you."

(Sev)It's like no time has passed by the time he's done crying his eyes out. They're all huddled on a sofa that was always too small for three. Trevor's in the middle, clutching at them both as if they're going to disappear on him. Ray sits with his legs underneath them, his arms pulling the both of them into his chest. And then there's Rose, suddenly so much more delicate than Trevor remembers. She sits half on his lap, curled into them, her fingers knotted in his hair. "I can't believe you two kept this from me," Ray whispers. There's no anger. He doesn't think Ray's ever been capable of being angry. "I'm sorry," Trevor whispers, throat raw from tears. Ray answers with a firm kiss to his temple. "We wasted so much time..."

(Ren) Trevor just lays between them in their bed, nothing sexual and nothing tense it’s just them being together and Rose playing with his now-long hair, braiding it right down the middle despite it being too long for others to braid. Her fingers feel nice as they tug at his roots, familiar and a sense of calm washes over him. He lets ray fop on top of him like they used to, burying his head in his chest just listening to his heart beat, his steady constant breathing because Ray used to be afraid one day he'd wake up and Bobby would be dead too. Rose humming lightly, soft lullabies that chased away dark thoughts and Trevor just finds it so comforting, a feeling of home he hasn't had since the day he left and so he wraps his arms around Rose and Ray tight, promising himself he won't screw up his second time around.

(Sev) It's a few hours later when he speaks again. The girls are asleep in Julie's room (delighted at their surprise sleepover.) Ray's almost nodded off, head resting against Trevor's chest. But Rose is wide awake. She's laid out, tangled between them, eyes focused on something far away. He can see it more clearly now. The tremble in her hands, the way she's so still, the circles around her eyes. He takes her hand in his. "What is it?"

(Ren) And Trevor wants it to be a prank, he wants the sinking feeling in his gut twisting around his heart, the same feeling he had the morning of Sunset Curve's Orpheum performance coiling up his spine to go away. He wants everything to be okay, that he told the truth, that he was forgiven, that the universe was finally on his side for once but of course it's not because when has it ever been. Rose's fingers run lightly over his knuckles and Ray wraps his arm around him from behind, his hands resting against Trevor's chest, something solid for him to focus on and as a tear starts to roll down Rose's cheek he reaches up to brush it away, running his hand through her hair only to pull out a clump as he pulled away but he couldn't run when his instincts to run kick in like they always used to do when situations turned emotional, bury it in his mind and lock up his worries like he always did but this wasn't going to be something he could run from.

(Sev) Life is not the fantasy or a fairy tale. There are no happy endings, only happy moments. He'd like to say they picked up right where they left off, Rose lived until a ripe old age, and they never fought again. But he'd be lying. It was hard to fold their lives back into place again, especially with Carrie and Julie. To just pick up after their seventeen year old selves was an impossible dream. But they could do breakfast. And breakfast became dinner. Dinner became one date which became two which became many. It took trouble and care, but they slotted themselves back into each other's lives again. There were lunch dates, and movie nights. There were late night wine dates and early morning coffee dates. They found their happy moments. A decade of separation had smoothed out the rough edges. If Trevor stormed out after a harsh argument, he'd return the next day with flowers and apologies. If Rose snapped and lost her temper, she'd take herself off for a walk to cool down. If Ray was bothered by something, he'd speak up instead of pushing it all down. They found their happy moments. And when 1 month became 1 year, they celebrated with moving boxes and a new, bigger couch. When 1 year became 2, they celebrated with promise rings and whispers of a better future between light kisses. 3 years became 4, became 5, and so on... They found their happy moments. But life is not a fantasy or a fairy tale. Their story ends in a hospital. Rose dies with both her husbands at her side, with both her daughters and son clutching on her hands. She dies with a smile on her face, knowing she is not leaving them to suffer alone. Ray and Trevor grieve together.

(Ren) And this time the girls are the ones who get into the fight but Trevor and Ray are there for Julie and Carrie no matter what they're fighting over carrie told julie she liked flynn but julie said flynn was hers first and doesnt understand how she can feel squishy love for two people. And this time the girls are the ones who get into the fight but Trevor and Ray are there for Julie and Carrie no matter what they're fighting over carrie told julie she liked flynn but julie said flynn was hers first and doesnt understand how she can feel squishy love for two people. They stick to their daughters through the worst of it but they don’t let the girl’s fighting rip into them too. It’s not what Rose would’ve wanted for them, it’s not what she would’ve wanted for Julie or Carrie either.

(Sev) And when Julie plays with her ghost band, it's much earlier that Trevor recognizes who she's playing with.

(Ren) Luke’s mad at first, ofc he is but after everything is explained and out in the open Trevor finds himself at home in a building that never felt like home despite the fact he grew up in it.

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bookcub · 4 years

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All the prime numbers for the relationship ask, please!

sooo many wooowwww

1. Tell the story about how you met.

I have it all written out on a different post I'll reblog but long story short, we met on discord

2. Was it a gradual increase of trust and love, or was there a specific moment where you knew “I want to be with this person for a long time”?

gradual. we just were talking so often, I had to have many conversations talking through my feelings

3. Describe their eyes. Describe their hands. Describe their laugh.

already answered

5. Are you long distance? Have you met in person before? When do you get to see them again?

yes, I'm in the us and she is in Scotland. we have never met in person and we don't know. maybe june or september. I really hope that at the very least, I can come over for Thanksgiving.

7. Tell me a funny story. Did they do something silly? Did you do something silly? Talk about your inside jokes.

11. If they’re having a bad day, what do you do to help?

alresdy answered

13. What’s something that your partner does that would be annoying if anyone else did it, but it’s cute when they do it?

already answered

17. Which one of you kills the bugs (or captures the bugs and places them safely outside)?

pretty sure I would be the one who killed the spiders and probably other bugs (I often capture them and take them outside)

19. Do you prepare meals together? Does one person enjoy cooking more than the other?

we haven't yet but I like cooking and baking and she used to work as a chef professionally, so we have talked about it a lot in the future. I like cooking more because working in a kitchen really turns you off from cooking.

23. Is there a famous couple, fictional or otherwise, that reminds you (or other people) of you and your partner?

not one I can think of

31. How often do you talk? On the phone, Skype, in person? Are you two the type that stays up too late because the conversation is too good to end?

every day on video calls, as well as messaging online and yes, we do. esp cause she is 5 hours ahead, she has a hard time hanging up the phone when I'm wide awake. esp when we were first hanging out, she would be up until like, 5am talking to me.

29. Tell me about a time that you were really proud of them.

already answered

37. Get really sappy and gross for a moment. Be so gushy that your friends would groan in mock annoyance if you told them. What’s adorable about your partner? What makes your heart melt? What’s something cute that they did that you’ll always remember no matter what?

god hetty is just . . . ugh. I see her face and get so excited. she is so bold and funny and a genuinely warm soul. I love when she gushes about video games, or rants about them. I don't always understand but she is so invested and all her emotions spill over. or when she tells me about ducks and how cute they are. even her whining is cute. I can't wait to cuddle her. my favorite look of hers is when she has her hair all fluffy and not spiked up and I want to stroke it.

#gf tag #so many questions #thank you #but thats why it took so long

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yntcdtyler · 5 years

Text

so here’s my lover secret session’s story... 02/08/2019 london 🏹🇬🇧

i got my dm on twitter on july 16th at 5:15pm and i looked at it thinking someone was trying to boo boo the fool me and it was really gonna say something like “stream ME!” so i opened it not thinking much of it and my heart literally SANK when i saw it was actually REAL. i got the phone call 4 days after from a girl called sara who was from Taylor Nation, she told me everything and i was literally in the storage room in work crying.

so it’s finally august 2nd.. i got up at 5am cause i literally had 4 different trains and 2 ubers to catch, when i finally got to my hotel it was around 11am, i checked in and got ready and went to the meeting point. i was literally the first one there so i panicked thinking i was at the wrong place but more people started to show up and immediately everyone formed little friendship groups who they seemed to have stayed with the whole day which was insane. i met lisa and emma which i’d recognised from twitter because we’d been following each other for so long and then georgia, evie & shiv all came over and we all just bonded and instantly became friends and realised we we’re the brits of the group, there were SO many international fans and it was amazing seeing people come from all over the world! our group was first on the bus and i’m not sure why but we were literally all crying like wtf was going on?? we drove past a few ambulances thinking ‘that’s gonna be our ride home after tonight’ cause at this point i’m like dying and then we finally got to THE HOUSE.

we all go inside, the ME! playlist was on, there was a huge moose head on the wall which we all became really intrigued by, a huge mirror to see ourselves ugly crying, there was food & drinks and little m&m’s with ‘lover’ and hearts on them and i have no idea what was going on in my mind at this point, like i didn’t know what to expect.

so then we all go to the living room we’re there was a bunch of cushions on the floor and a chair and speakers in front of us and i KNEW what was about to go down lads, it’s about to happen, we’re about to hear lover and i just wasn’t ready and i was sat THERE in front of the chair and a few minutes later... SHE COMES OUT FROM BEHIND THIS DOOR LOOKING LIKE LIKE AN ACTUAL GODDESS THAT JUST STEPPED OUT OF HEAVEN AND I DEAD ASS DIED RIGHT THERE THINKING ABOUT THAT AMBULANCE I SAW EARLIER ON CAUSE SHE JUST WASNT REAL. so she’s like “welcome to the lover secret sessions” and the noise that came out me was actually not human at all. she played half the album the first and kept apologising for ranting and going off topic which was so funny, she’s so adorable i was literally in awe. then was like “we’re gonna take a break so you can all go the bathroom, have a drink and stretch your legs” and then mentions she’s made us treats and everyone’s like OMG and she’s literally like “it’s just rice crispy treats i dyed in heart shapes” and it was just the funniest thing bc she’s just so sarcastic but they were the cutest things and just knowing she spent time making them was honestly insane. like i ate a rice crispy heart treat..made by taylor swift? sounds fake. so then as she’s passing them around, she’s goes into the garden and starts talking to everyone and thanking people’s parents and let everyone on her trampoline and just shouts “THESE ARE MY KIDS” with a glass of wine in her hand and it was such a taylor swift moment. it was just surreal like wtf? imagine bouncing on taylor swifts trampoline? i would’ve went on it but i wasn’t about to break my neck before listening to the rest of the album x

okay so we go back in to listen to the rest of the album and throughout the whole album listening part, i just kept crying and she kept looking at me and smiling and singing and i was just bloody in shock. there was one point during a song we’re me and georgia we’re holding onto each other crying and she just looks at us and tilts her head and gives us the most warming smile. right there we both died together it was unreal. but the album HOLY SHIT every song was INSANE. i found it so hard to pick a favourite so i have 3, this album is literally her BEST, and this coming from a speak now stan🤝 i was just the happiest i’ve ever been, it just seemed like a dream. seeing her sat there in front of me so happy and in such a good place, feeling so proud of this album and these songs just made my heart feel so full. what i was feeling in that moment is unexplainable. just pure happiness like i knew life doesn’t get any better than this... right it’s time for the meet and greets and everyone goes back in to the other room whilst they got ready and people started queuing then to go in and meet her, she spent so much time with every single person and seeing everyone’s faces coming out that room was so magical. the event was supposed to be over at 11pm and it’s literally 1:30am when it was my time to meet her. she’d literally been meeting people for HOURS and is 2 and half hours past the end time and she didn’t even mind. everyone was so eager to go inside that me and the girls decided to wait till the end.

so evie had just come out and now it’s my turn. i almost fainted, i was so dizzy and nervous and WHEN I TELL U I WAS PETRIFIED TO GO INSIDE, I ACTUALLY MEAN IT BECAUSE I WAS STOOD OUTSIDE THE DOOR REFUSING TO GO IN FOR ABOUT A MINUTE CAUSE I COULD JUST SEE HER STOOD THERE AND I WASN’T READY BECAUSE LIKE I’VE DREAMT ABOUT THIS MOMENT SINCE FOREVER. emma and lisa we’re stood there laughing trying to force me inside as well as a girl from TN. took me a good minute but i finally walked in, i walk over to her trying not to cry AGAIN and she’s stood there smiling at me and she says to me “it’s tyler isn’t it?” and i was like JDJSKDJD “yeah 😭😭😭😭” cause i didn’t think she knew who i was and i was just randomly picked by TN??? she then pulled me in for the biggest hug and i just felt like this is it, i’m gonna bloody pass out. I TOLD HER THAT WAITING IN THAT QUEUE TO MEET HER WAS LIKE WAITING FOR THE ELECTRIC CHAIR and i was like why tf did i just say that omg but she laughed and was like “omg hahaha it’s like waiting for the electric chair that’s so funny” then i gave her the lover necklace i’d gotten made for her so we had matching and she kept saying how much she loved and how beautiful it was. then said “i love your necklace” with a little smirk because i was wearing her ‘TS’ initial necklace and my heart just went HDAJHDJDDH. then she asked did i enjoy the day and i was like of course??? it was so amazing i couldn’t stop crying and she was like “aw i had so much fun, i love doing these” and then she asked how i’d gotten here and i told her that i had to take 4 trains and she looked so shocked and thanked me for doing that and asked if i was travelling afterwards and i told her i had a hotel and she goes “omg good, PLEASE don’t talk to any strangers” and i’m just like YEAH OF COURSE ANYTHING FOR U MISS SWIFT :’)))) i hugged her about 3 more times and i asked her about tour, and how she found me and she said she’d found me on tumblr and literally said “its tylovestaylor right?” and i was just like WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. IM SCARED. cause i barely use tumblr because i’m the only one who reblogs myself??? and i’d gotten my dm on twitter so my mind was like wtf is going on right now?? i told her i changed my url and she said she’d follow me 🥺 then says “so do you wanna like... take a picture together or something?” YEAH OF COURSE, IM A BIT OF A MESS RN BUT ABSOLUTELY. she asks what i wanted to do for the photo like stand, sit, go near the piano? and i told her to choose because my mind was just all over the place and she says to me “i think one sitting down with our legs crossed over acting all (then does some pose) and stuff” i just couldn’t believe what was actually happening. we sit down next to each other and she grabs my hand and i’m just holding her and the photographer takes the photo and she tells me to have a look to see if i like it and i said i looked so bad and she goes “ITS SO CUTE, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL AND PHOTOGENIC” then the photographer told me i was really photogenic and tay goes “SEE SHE EVEN SAID IT” did taylor swift..who invented photos and beauty... just call me beautiful and photogenic? surely not. so we took one more pic and she said she loved it so i loved it😭😭😭 we got up and hugged again and i just kept saying i love you and she told me i was beautiful and i was like SO ARE U???? and then i told her that i still don’t believe she’s real and she laughed. we hugged again i told her i loved her as i was walking out she shouts “please get home safely” and i said “have a safe flight wherever you’re going next” at the same time and she laughed and was like “OMG THANKYOU?” and i walked out and the emotions i was going through oh my god. i’d just met my favourite person in the entire world? like never in a million years did i think i’d ever meet her let alone get handpicked for secret sessions. i was in so much shock like it wasn’t real. that never happened? i’m still in shock now and literally crying writing this. she was so lovely and welcoming and spoke to me like she’d known me forever.

AND AFTER ALL THAT, SHE DECIDES SHE WANTS ME LITERALLY DEAD AND LIKES MY POST ON HERE FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. RIGHT AFTER I’D MET HER.

i couldn’t get over how beautiful she is, inside and out like i already knew that but seeing her in real life is so different, she’s literally flawless and so cute and delicate and i’ll literally die for this woman. thankyou so much, from the bottom of my heart @taylorswift for choosing me out of 100m+ fans, i’ll never understand why i was chosen but i can’t explain how grateful i am. it was by far the best day i’ve ever had in my 18 years of being alive, nothing will ever come close to that moment. i cant wait for everyone else to hear this album, i miss you and your hugs already and i forgot to tell you because my mind was blank but i’m insanely proud of you and will support you forever. promise.

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i-guess-im-a-fanfic-writer-now · 5 years

Text

A better life (Chapter 15, Avengers x reader)

ay hi here’s chapter 15, will post 16 on the 2nd of February, i’ve got a lot of projects for school that i need to get done by the end of the month

at this point i have even less idea of what i’m doing than i did when i started this series, but like, technically, this is my fic and i get to do what i want, but i just don’t want to disappoint any of you, and i’m trying to bring it to a close soon, and i haven’t forgotten about the anon who asked me to write a thing and i will be starting that soon, sorry for the wait, i have reasons that i won’t go into detail unless anyone asks

i hope you enjoy this, cause i really like Tony Stark and also Peter Parker so like, obviously there’s gonna be a lot of them everywhere,, please like and reblog and comment and stuff like that, feel free to tell me what you liked or didn’t really like, i wanna know what you guys enjoy reading

tw for this: panic attack (from being touched on the shoulder)

_______

Chapter 15:

When you woke up from yet another nightmare, which you remembered better than the others, you just couldn’t go back to sleep. It was impossible. You’d been trying for half an hour, your frustration with yourself increasing from not being able to just get over it and move on with your life. It was about 5am at that point, and the sun would be rising pretty soon.

*I’m.. gonna go for a walk*, you decided. Maybe it would help. Hopefully. Maybe instead of walking in circles in your head, you could do that, but around the building. Just a few times, to clear your head. Inhale the air of the early morning, while barely anyone else was outside.

You got dressed and quietly headed through the hallway and the common room, finding yourself in front of the lift seconds later.

On your way out, you heard some snoring. You went to check where it came from, and it turned out Tony was still on the couch. He must’ve been really exhausted. Now, there was a plate of food and an empty mug standing on the table in front of him, so at least he’d woken up and had some food before going back to sleep.

You left the building. On your way back, after turning in circles around it a few times, you settled down on a comfortable bench. You inhaled deeply as the sun rose on the horizon. Half an hour later, watching the sky change colours as the giant star slowly continued its path in it, you decided to go back inside. You did have work later today, and you were receiving your paycheque, so you thought it might be good for you to try and get another hour of sleep before the day actually began.

When you got back, Tony was up, walking around in the common room. You greeted each other, and though he was confused as to why you had been outside at such an early time and really wanted the details, you asked if you could explain later. Thankfully, he accepted to wait.

You managed to get a bit of extra sleep before having to go off to work. While on lunch break, you did the same thing as you did the day before: you took some of your other belongings, and kept them in the luggage at work only to bring them back to the room you had in the Stark Tower when you got off work. During your shift, things went pretty well, but there was a few more difficult customers than usually, and by the time it was over, you couldn’t wait to get back to your room, lie back in your bed, and relax.

Though you were tired, you really wanted to hang out with Peter again for a while, maybe play some video games again since you both enjoyed it so much. So you texted him, and found out he was free the rest of the day. He was going to come by anyway, and you decided to meet in the computer room where you had met.

Maybe twenty-five minutes later, the two of you were already sitting together in the couch, playing a game you had suggested. He seemed to be really enjoying himself. He was also talking a lot about MJ again, which warmed your heart. You were reminded of how happy she made him, so you asked questions about them, to which he happily responded. After a while, he excused himself to the bathroom.

Minutes were beginning to feel like hours, maybe even days, but somehow, you managed to fall asleep in the small window of time Peter was away.

You woke up hours later, and he sat next to you. There was a blanket on you, undoubtedly placed there by Peter, which you were thankful for: the room did get a bit chilly at times because of the air conditioning in summer.

You yawned, covering your face with your hand, and briefly stretched.

“Hey, Y/N.”

“Oh, hey. Thank you”, you gestured vaguely at the blanket.

He nodded.

“Rough day?”

“Eh, I suppose. Got screamed at by some customers. It was wild.”

“Oh?” He looked a bit worried, but there was also a “wtf” look on his face.

“One was mad that her sandwich had a tomato slice. Normally this would be okay, and we would remove the slice, or we could make a new sandwich so the tomato wouldn’t touch it, but she immediately went off at me for it, even though the sandwich was pre-made. Not to mention, it visibly had a tomato in it. She demanded to speak to my manager, and when I brought him over, they talked and she stormed out of the shop. Another customer caused a scene because he “wanted one large fry, not a ton of fucking small ones.” And another one was mad because he spilled his own coffee this morning. He began screaming about it. He spilled it outside. The biggest problem? He bought it at a shop that was literally half an hour away from hours. He demanded a refund and a new drink because he’s a busy man and doesn’t want to spend more money than necessary.”

“Damn”, he muttered in disbelief.

“Yup. I tell you, I was this close to crying because of this shit. Like, this makes no sense, you know? A single big fry instead of a ton of little ones? Does he think we sell a fry the size of a dozen potatoes?”

“That really sucks. I’m sorry you had to deal with that. Honestly, though, I would eat that.” He chuckled.

You nodded in agreement, and shortly went back to playing video games for a bit longer, since he soon had to go back home.

When he left, you decided to go back to your room. You sent a message to your mother, telling her everything was fine and all that, just to get her off your back in case she was thinking of calling you.

As you stepped out of the lift, you spotted Wanda and Pietro playfully pushing each other around in a couch, and Tony and Clint drinking coffee and having a conversation at the table. Natasha was nowhere to be seen, but James Rhodes and Sam Wilson were chilling near Tony. You quietly walked over to the hallway before someone’s hand landed on your shoulder, gripping it. You grabbed the hand, feeling like you were suddenly full of dread, and threw it off, turned around, instinctively and quickly backing away. Your heart was racing, your breathing going faster than it was supposed to, and the things around you became slightly blurry, to the point of having to lean on the wall to not lose balance and fall down.

All you saw in front of you was a blurred figure of a person, and long hair the colour of fire. *Wanda.*

“Hey, shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. Are you okay? It’s just me. I won’t hurt you. It’s okay.”

In your confused and scared state, you were frantically looking for an escape route that didn’t involve being in front of people; you were trying to find your room. You were really trying to calm down though, but knowing that Wanda felt something was off the day before when you had a bad flashback, you wanted to leave immediately: you didn’t want her to know what was going on. She’d probably been through worse. It was fine. *She doesn’t need to know, Y/N.*

“Y/N, it’s okay. I get it if you don’t want to talk about whatever it is that’s making you feel bad. I’m really not sure what to do in this situation.. Do you want me to get Stark?” She seemed pretty uneasy and stressed out.

You nodded and weakly mumbled a thanks to Wanda. She left in a hurry, and you sat down on the floor, hugging your knees, trying not to hyperventilate more than you already were. You closed your eyes, trying to remind yourself that you weren’t anywhere near your mother, that no one here would hurt you, that you were safe. It wasn’t working. You could still feel the hand gripping your shoulder, and you kept trying to scratch the touch off, not even noticing the stinging pain in your shoulder from scratching it so much though you were wearing a hoodie.

You heard a deep muffled voice say something from the common room, and footsteps were coming closer, going faster and faster, practically running.

Seconds later, Tony was sitting in front of you, talking to you, trying to get you to breathe, reminding you of the time you should be taking to inhale and exhale. He kept talking to you for a few more minutes, telling you that you were going to be okay, that you’re safe here. He sat with you until you could breathe properly and form coherent sentences again.

“Kid, I’ve got you, alright? What happened?”

You were still having trouble making eye contact, but you could tell just by the tone of his voice that he was worried.

“Uh.. Wanda, she, um.. grabbed my shoulder. And um, I.. I panicked? Yeah.”

“Alright. It’s okay, I’ll ask her and anyone else not to grab you or touch you without warning, alright? Would that be good?”

“Yeah.. thank you, mister Stark. I’m sorry, I, uh, I.. I didn’t mean to.”

“I know. It’s okay. It happens to me too. It’s understandable that it happens to you, after what you told me. It’s okay, you’re safe here. You’ll never have to return there, soon.”

You nodded and closed your eyes, taking some more time to focus on your breathing, trying to match it to his as an example of normal, not-having-a-panic-attack breathing. Having him there, right beside you, was really comforting.

After a few minutes, everything was back to normal again, though you were more exhausted than before.

“You’re safe”, Tony said, with a soft expression on his face. “It’s alright.” He stayed quiet for a minute. “I’m guessing you’ll be wanting to go to your room?” He smiled softly.

You mumbled a soft “yeah”, and he walked with you until you reached your room. He left when you thanked him with a small smile and closed the door behind you.

*I definitely need a nap.*

You lied in bed for less than half an hour before falling asleep.

#avengers fic #avengers fanfic #avengers fanfiction #avengers fics #avengers x reader #avengers x reader fanfiction #avengers x reader fanfic #avengers x reader fic #avengers x abused!reader

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1-1snailxd-art · 5 years

Text

Libraries are for Meetings

Master List ----- Chapter 5

Chapter 6 - The art of living in a library

Warnings: there is some threats/blackmail made towards Virgil

Summary: Despite the unusual evening, Virgil's morning is very routine as he continues his life as normal. Logan and Patton, on the other hand, are finding out what it is like to be separated from your closest friend when you need them the most. (Lots of Royality and platonic Logicality energy)

Note: reading on mobile can remove the paragraphing. Use desktop site or visit my Ao3 page if it bothers you as much as it bothers me.

EDIT: Art by @the-pastel-peach has been added to this chapter. Pass your appreciation to them. Please don’t repost the art anywhere (with or without credit). If you want to share the art, reblog this post.

______________________________

Virgil’s alarm sounded at 4am, the screen barely lighting the reading area as he opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling.

“Do correct me if I am wrong, but I think you are in a dark place too, Virgil.”

Sitting up, he ran his fingers through his oily hair as Logan’s voice replayed in his mind.

“Should you need a guide to find your path again, I would be happy to provide the service.”

Groaning, Virgil finally silenced his alarm and set about his morning routine. Boil water. Pack up makeshift bed into duffel. Make coffee and instant noodles (beggars can’t be choosers). Use kitchen sink to wash hair and face, before moving on to the small bathroom for a half-arsed attempt at bathing (a washcloth and baby wipes proved effective between Virgil’s stints at a motel).

He had just finished tidying the kitchen when his next alarm sounded for 5am. Grabbing his duffel and backpack, Virgil disarmed the alarm before setting it to rearm as he left. His duffel was heavier today as he walked in the morning breeze to the laundromat. Routines like these helped Virgil immensely; they made him feel normal, despite his circumstances. Not to mention, the laundromat was a warm sheltered place he could work in until the hour became more reasonable.

*************

The apartment was too quiet when Logan’s alarm went off. To say he woke up would be an insult, as he barely managed to get a wink of sleep all night. The apartment felt cold and empty as he shuffled out to the kitchen in his dressing gown and placed a cup under the coffee maker. Normally, at this time, music would be flooding the apartment and Patton would be heard singing from the bathroom while Logan prepared breakfast prior to going out jogging. Without Patton, Logan couldn’t bring himself to turn on the stereo, cook his usual breakfast or even jog. Had he not been so sleep deprived, Logan might have realised how mentally unhealthy his choices were; but sitting at the table with a cup of black coffee and buttered toast, he was just a shell of his normal self.

Despite the change in routine, Logan still managed to get himself ready for the day and was about to leave for work when his phone chimed in his pocket. Seeing Patton’s name and face on the lit screen left Logan feeling confused overall. Yes, he missed having his friend around, but seeing his face reignited his frustration. It was the perfect form of emotional torture, and Logan took his time walking to his car as he considered how to respond to Patton’s message.

*************

On the other side of town, Patton was waking up in Roman’s arms. It was different. His last boyfriend had been too rigid for Patton’s liking, and waking up with Roman was different to the more platonic bed sharing he had had with Logan and Jason.

In that moment, Roman had one arm carefully laid across Patton’s middle and the other was tucked neatly under his pillow. Patton could feel his breath against the back of his head, soft and rhythmic. Though he was comfortable and happy, Patton could still feel the ache in his heart for Logan and he questioned how his friend was doing.

Carefully reaching out to the side table, Patton slid his phone and glasses down next to him and adjusted the phones brightness settings before angling it toward his face.

No new messages

Nibbling at his bottom lip, Patton looked at the time and considered whether to message Logan or leave him alone. As time ticked on, he finally built up the courage to send a message.

Pats: morning Logan.

Pats: im sorry again for yesterday.

Pats: I hope you slept ok.

LogieBear: *seen*

Patton held his breath as he watched the ellipsis appear and disappear with no new messages coming through. Roman stirred behind him, yawning and releasing his partner as he combed his fingers through his hair.

“Morning P.B.”

Propping himself up, Roman could see the screen that held Patton’s attention. Anger started to bubble in his gut as the seconds dragged on. He was just about to grab the phone when messages finally started coming through, and Patton’s body relaxed against him again.

LogieBear: morning Patton. Thank you for your message and apology. As I said yesterday, I forgive you.

LogieBear: but I would still like some space today if possible.

Roman lent forward, pulling Patton closer towards his chest; fearing he was about to see Patton break again.

LogieBear: Do not forget to eat today. Take care of yourself. I love you.

To Roman’s relief, Patton giggled and quickly typed a response.

Pats: I 💜 you too

LogieBear: Have a good day Patton (and Roman)

“Oh, pass me the phone.”

Roman reached around to take the phone from Patton’s hands, using the other hand to pull the hood of the onesie over Patton’s head.

“Ha-ha-Hey,” Patton giggled, “what are you do-oo-ing?”

“Just letting Logan know what he is missing out on.”

Roman quickly snapped a picture of the pair; Patton peeking out from his hood and Roman pulling his usual selfie face with his tussled hair. Yanking the hood down over Patton’s eyes again, Roman sent the photo and a message for Logan.

Pats: *image sent*

(art by @the-pastel-peach - Please don’t repost)

Pats: luv ya specs

As Patton finally escaped Roman’s arms and hood, he grabbed at his phone and groaned.

“You are such a tease, Roman.”

The phone chimed as Logan’s reply came through and Patton hid his phone.

“What did he say? Come on P.B, share with the class.” Roman rolled onto his back, pulling Patton down so his head was laying on his chest.

LogieBear: I will be sure to provide you with this when I see you next, Roman. Clearly you require it.

LogieBear: *image sent*

Patton held his phone with his finger on the lock button as Roman took in the image of Logan with the book ‘Talking for Dummies’ in front of half of his face.

“Oh no-“ Patton quickly locked his phone as Roman reached out for it; now laughing hysterically. “Why does he even have that in his car?”

“We-we fff-ff-found it,” Patton was struggling to speak through his laughter. “For y-oooo.”

“Oh, is that how it is, is it?”

Roman grabbed Patton, tickling his sides and causing his laughter to increase in volume.

Katie started bashing on the door as the two continued their childish game.

“Would you two keep it down or cut it out! The third party is uncomfortable.”

“Get your mind out of the gutter, it’s PG in here!” Roman called back.

“Oh, well if that is the case,” The door swung open and Katie threw two white paper bags at the pair. “Breakfast is served.”

“Thank you, Katie!” Patton beamed as he sat up and peered at the pastry inside the bag.

“Gotta make sure my boys eat.” The smile dropped from Katie’s face suddenly, as she fixed Roman with a stern look and pointed finger. “You need to get your butt into gear today. You have class in an hour and work at 12. Don’t. Be. Late. I’m not covering for you again, got it?”

Roman nodded, pastry already in his mouth, “-ot it.”

“And you are cooking dinner tonight, Roman; no takeout.”

“I’ll make sure he gets everything done. You can count on me, Kaaaatieeee.”

Katie smiled at Patton’s attempt to rhyme. “Thanks, Patty Bear. Hopefully your influence will rub off on Roman eventually.”

“Not if my influence rubs off on him first,” Roman joked, rubbing his shoulder against Patton.

“Ew. Mind. Gutter. I’m out.” Katie turned to leave, “catch you later, boys.”

“Bye Katie!”

“Later bitch- I mean witch.” Patton gave Roman a disapproving look and elbowed his side. “I mean I love yooou…happy?”

“Very,” He kissed Roman’s cheek before climbing out of the bed and heading for the bathroom.

Roman lent over to his other side table and grabbed his phone to find a new message from Logan.

Specs: thank you for helping Patton through this. I know the timing isn’t great.

Princey: don’t stress over it, Logan. Take all the time you need. We’re ok.

Specs: thank you Roman. I will see you soon enough.

Princey: C ya

Specs: 🤦

Roman shook his head; regretting the day he showed Logan the face palm emoji. To that day, it was the only emoji they could get the man to use on a regular basis. He knew how much the other hated text speech and took great joy in ensuring their messaged conversations had some form of grammar or spelling error. He didn’t have a chance to continue to mock the other, as Patton came back in and held his arms out.

“Time to get up, my prince. I promised the queen you wouldn’t be late today.”

“Ah, yes,” Roman accepted Patton’s hands and climbed out of bed, “and we wouldn’t want to upset the queen of hearts or it would be off with our heads.”

Patton giggled and graced Roman with a gentle kiss on his lips; pulling away when Roman started to embrace him. “Get ready for class now, Roman.”

“Awwwww,” He whined, pouting and dropping his arms dramatically.

“If you are going to get greedy, I might have to sleep in the spare bed next time.” Roman crossed his arms and continued to pout. “Off you go, kiddo.”

Roman played up his childish behaviour as he grabbed his clothes and headed into the bathroom to shower. Patton glanced around the room, still in the onesie. Once he heard the shower turn on, he set to work tidying the room and found some of Roman’s clothes that he could borrow for the morning.

*************

The sun was warm against Virgil’s freshly washed hoodie, as he laid on the grass in the park; duffel acting as a perfect pillow for him to lay on. It wasn’t often that the weather was right for moments of bliss like this, and Virgil wasn’t one to miss an opportunity to get reacquainted with vitamin D. Unfortunately, his moment of reprieve was short lived as his phone chimed with alerts.

Email - funds successfully transferred from acc629 to …

Email - Account Alert: available balance below $50…

New message - Ben: Hey Asshole, your 20 short o…

‘There goes my day.’ Virgil thought, sitting up and pulling his notebook out of his backpack.

Logging in to the banking app on his phone, Virgil started assessing his limited money flow. His pay from the library was the only constant influx of funds he had, and he had it carefully split to save towards paying his phone bill and paying Ben and his aunt. Any money he made from repairs, was also split between those three goals and he got whatever was left.

Carefully analysing his notes, he knew money was tighter that fortnight, but he was certain that the correct amount had been sent to Ben.

Ben: Hey Asshole, your 20 short on your payment. Pay up

Virgil: I just checked my accounts and everything looks fine on my end.

Ben: you forgot about interest bitch

Virgil: that wasn’t part of our original agreement

Ben: I changed my mind

Virgil: you can’t do that. That’s not fair.

Ben: I don’t give a shit about fair. You should have thought about that before you punched me.

Virgil: I can’t afford an extra $20. I’m barely surviving as it is.

Ben: not my problem, unless you need me to come and have a chat at that little library of yours.

Virgil’s blood chilled at the thought. He wasn’t sure of Ben’s full intentions. Was he implying that he would tell Katie who he was? Would he come and damage the library? Would he hurt Katie?

It wasn’t worth the risk and he watched his tiny $30 drop to $15 as he transferred some money to Ben.

Virgil: that’s all I can do right now. Give me a day or so and I’ll send you the other 5.

Ben: you better.

$15 wasn’t an ideal, amount at all. The $30 was going to be hard enough, but he could have at least had one day in the comfort and safety of a $10 motel without worry. $15 would barely get him extra food, or even extra supplies to fix anything. Not to mention none of his former ‘friends’ had responded to his requests to stay over for at least a night. That left his options for the weekend as either, use the library or spend it on the streets.

With those thoughts in his mind, Virgil packed up and left the park. He had a new daily plan in mind; drop duffel off at library, revisit local businesses to check on work availability, return to the library to test his gaming system rebuild. While he walked, Virgil searched all the University social pages to see if anyone was seeking computer support. All social anxieties had to be pushed aside; he didn’t have the luxury of dwelling on things like that now.

*************

Logan sat at the pet store counter, scribbling notes as he completed his reading assignment for the day. He had finished restocking the shelves 15 minutes prior and wasn’t in the mood for organising anymore of the store. The sound of the doors sliding open had him quickly shutting his books and putting on his best customer service face. He didn’t need it though as Roman appeared at the counter.

“Looking good, Roman ,” he grinned as the other approached in a stained subway uniform.

“Hilarious,” he held out a bag, “want a sandwich? Or 3?”

“What’s wrong with them,” his question was all in jest; Logan knew Roman wasn’t the sort to pull harmful pranks. He gladly pulled out a sandwich though, as Roman hoisted himself up to sit on the counter.

“So, get this, I added the wrong slices of tomato to one, the other had too much lettuce, and - and- the final one,” Roman was holding his arms out like it was the most dramatic thing that had ever happened to him. “She asked for olives, then suddenly remembered she didn’t like our olives, and I couldn’t just pick them off because they had already ‘tainted’ her sandwich.”

Logan smirked as Roman sighed and started to eat. “Sounds like it was a busy day for a poor, misunderstood, sandwich artist.”

“Take pity on me, Logan. The world is unforgiving and will never understand me.”

Logan rolled his eyes as Roman bent over backwards and draped his arm across his forehead.

“I don’t even understand you.”

“My point exactly,” sitting up, Roman readjusted himself on the counter so he could eat more easily. “So, what is happening?”

“I’m eating a sandwich with a drama queen, while I wait for my shift to end.”

“Wow, I couldn’t see that with my own eyes. Seriously, spill.”

Logan sighed and put his sandwich down, wiping his hands on a napkin.

“Virgil is working on saving more of my files, I’m looking at getting a second-hand laptop, and Julie is making a cake for the anniversary.”

“Nice dark ending there,” Roman softened as he looked at Logan, “I was ignoring that invitation, too.”

“I understand why she wants to do it, but I…” Logan screwed up his face as he tried to find the right words, “I’m not sure I’m ready to turn the anniversary into some weird … party of sorts.”

“Yeah, but I don’t think it’s going to be all cake and karaoke. I’m pretty sure Julie just wants everyone to come together again.”

“I guess…I can see your reasoning. You are much smarter than you look, Roman.”

“I’m not sure if that was meant to be an insult, but I’m going to take that as a compliment.”

The store doors slid open and Roman quickly jumped off the counter as customers entered. Logan wrapped up his sandwich, and Roman quickly did the same.

“I should get this one to Patton, he’s been avoiding food again.”

Logan paused and looked sadly at the ground as he stepped around the counter, “I hadn’t noticed. I guess I’m probably not helping either.”

“Don’t worry about it, Logan.” Roman roughly pulled Logan into a hug; Logan keeping his hands down by his sides. “Just, don’t forget to take care of yourself. All jokes aside, I care about you too.”

Squeezing his eyes shut to suppress tears, Logan returned the hug. “Same to you, Roman. Same to you.”

Separating, Roman headed out the door with his bag of sandwiches while Logan headed over to check on the customers in the store. The pair were only just beginning to explore the boundaries of their friendship; especially since he and Patton had started officially dating. Not that Logan cared to admit it, but Roman was maturing from the brat of a boy he had first met six years ago.

*************

Katie strode over to Virgil's self-proclaimed office, using the master keycard to gain entry, and found Virgil groaning with his forehead on the desk.

"Tough day," Katie enquired, causing Virgil to jolt upright in his chair.

"Jeez, Reels, way to scare a guy out of his skin."

"Well 'a guy' deserves it for ghosting my messages all day," Katie perched herself on the edge of the desk and looked down at Virgil with her arms folded across her chest. "Where's my recap on the evenings events?"

"Why don't you ask, Logan." Virgil grumbled, tapping a few keys on his keyboard to activate a new program, "he's your friend."

"Ouch. I thought we were friends too." Virgil shrugged and Katie shoved his shoulder, "don't be like that, Sparks. Come on. Talk to me. What's going on? What did that nerdy idiot do?"

Sighing, Virgil lent back and ran his fingers thoughtfully through his hair.

"The, as you put it, 'nerdy idiot' did nothing wrong."

"So, what's with the sour puss look today then?"

Shaking his head, it took all of Virgil's self-control to not start crying on the spot. "I may have overreacted to something Logan said aaaand I'm kind of regretting it now. There. Happy?"

"Hardly."

"Gah!” Virgil threw his hands in the air, causing Katie to roll her eyes at the overly dramatic expression. “What else do you want? If you want a play by play, you're not getting it from me. Go talk to Logan."

"Why don't you?"

"Wha - I - you-" Katie smirked, raising a knowing brow as Virgil stumbled over his words. Virgil frowned as he took in Katie’s expression. "I hate you right now."

"Oh, I know." She mused, sliding off the desk. "Don't hide from everything, Virgil. You're right, I'm not going to get a play by play of last night, and nor do I want it."

"So, what is it that you want then?" Virgil was genuinely interested in Katie's response and couldn't hide the intrigue from his voice.

"Honestly, I want to see both of you stepping outside of your work zones. You spend so much time locked in here Virgil, and you wouldn't believe how hard it is to get Logan out of his study hole. It was nice to see my two workaholics’ go out into the wild."

"I can't see that becoming a regular thing, Reels." Lowering his head, Virgil tried to forget how nice it was to be out with Logan: despite his anxieties throughout the evening.

"Says who?" Virgil looked up to respond, but Katie cut him off. "It was your first time meeting each other, and honestly, it wasn't under the best circumstances. Don't let those first impressions be your only impressions. Take a chance, Virgil." Katie walked over and placed a hand on his shoulder, causing him to look up through his lengthy bangs. "I took a chance on you and I am yet to regret that decision."

"Fine."

A small smile pulled at Virgil’s cheeks as he realised just how highly Katie thought of him. The moment was short lived though, as he remembered he was abusing her trust.

"That's a good lad. So, what are you gonna do?" Suddenly sitting back on the desk, Katie propped her chin up by resting her elbow on her knee.

"Well...um..." Virgil glanced around as he thought, eyes landing on a USB that ignited his memory. "I still haven’t returned the files I managed to salvage."

"Perfect," Katie exclaimed so loudly that Virgil jumped at the sound. "Now, you have some options for Thursday's. Logan doesn't have class on Thursday, so he works at the pet store from 8 until 1, then he would go to the labs and study, and then he usually heads to the university track field around 4."

"Jeez, stalker much." Virgil was slightly concerned with the fact that Katie had Logan's whole routine memorised.

Katie simply shrugged, "I keep tabs on where my boys are. When I don't..." Katie's expression saddened so fast, Virgil's heart skipped a beat. "...bad things happen."

_______________________________

End Note

Soooo, I have to go back to work next week 😭 I got so much story planning done over the past 3 weeks. I'm going to miss having so much creative freedom. If things get slow, it's because work started badly (sorry in advance). If anything does happen, I'll be sure to put it on Tumblr.

Next time: Logan's nightmares. Does Virgil make a friend? More platonic logicality. Nice feelings, but dark thoughts.

EDIT: I do hope you enjoyed the art. It was a lot of fun to work with the-pastel-peach to bring that scene to life.

UPDATE: again, please don’t repost the art by Peach. Reblog this post. Respect the artist and give her some love 💜🐌

_____________________________

Chapter 7 — Master List

What else have I done:

The Perfect Ring (oneshot - analogical proposal)

You Promised (oneshot - prinxiety angst/injury/near death)

Sides of a Hero (Completed Fic - sides are fusions of impulses and aspects of Thomas. Virgil has a depressing past that he is forced to face thanks to Deceit and Rage. Was canon compliant at the time of completion)

The Shield to your Sword (WIP - A fantasy/magic au - Prinxiety (Royal Roman and orphan Virgil - they’ll admit to their love eventually), Virgil angst, non binary, healer Logan, *spoiler* Patton)

Check out my other blog for random fandom reblogs and stuff @snail-giggles

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donnerpartyofone · 6 years

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21 Questions

Tagged by @getoutofmyhouse who had oddly similar answers to mine

Nickname: only the one I use here, that I gave myself--Claire Donner, which has to do with my famous love of cannibalism. Claire is my real first name, though.

Zodiac: I am so very cuspy. I was born at about a quarter to midnight on April 20, so I tend to relate to, and feel insulted by, the suppositions about Aries and Taurus equally. I’m one of those jerks who will tell you astrology is a bunch of hoo ha...and then drone on with my Many Esoteric Ideas about it, so I’ll just stop myself right here.

Height: 5’ nuthin is what I prefer to say...because saying I’m 5 and 3/4′ sounds a little like saying I’m 10 and a half years old.

Amount of sleep: It’s all fucked up. Until I got into my 30s I could, and would prefer to, sleep endlessly. Now I go to bed around 10 (depression), get up around 5 or 6 (being old), and for extra fun, I’ve developed this insomnia that often keeps me up from about 2am-5am. I try make the most of it by getting up, getting high, watching a movie or two, writing...basically just having a secret private day by myself. I’d really rather go back to just sleeping constantly though.

Last movie I saw: I saw GRETA in theaters tonight, which was ok. I guess I thought any Neil Jordan film would be headier than this, but watching Isabel Huppert just running around acting like an absolute maniac is a rare treat! My last video experience was RAW, which I put on to bother my husband right when we got home from the theater. (I think he liked it more than I originally did, to my surprise)

Last thing I googled: The correct spelling of Sylvia Likens’ last name. I’m obsessed with this type of crime where a group of people (usually a family and/or some of their friends and neighbors) fall into some kind of shared hysteria where they protractedly torture to death an acquaintance for no particular reason. Some times there’s an element of mystery as to why the victim didn’t leave while they were still able to, which suggests to me that the murdered person was just as much a victim of the groupthink as the perpetrators. Other example victims include Suzanne Capper, Vera Jo Reigle, and I think to some degree Sophie Lionnet, James Bulger, and Junko Furuta. (Also a crime they briefly discuss in the book Lords of Chaos, where several people murder a friend in their trailer, but I can’t remember it specifically enough to look up the names--the other last thing i tried to google) I keep thinking there should be a psychiatric and/or legal term for this kind of crime, but I’ve never heard one, so let me know if you got one!

Favorite musician: I have trouble with questions that involve ranking anything, so I’ll just say that right now I’m listening to a lot of old White Zombie. I didn’t know anything about their origins as an East Village noise band, and I’m fascinated by the stories about how apocalyptically miserable it was to be in that group. I’m increasingly obsessed with people who work their asses off doing something they barely even enjoy, for what must be borderline spiritual reasons.

Song stuck in my head: Nothing right this second, for which I am very grateful. There’s something awful in my brain that causes me to wake up with some maddening, babyish tune stuck in my head more often than not. It is most frequently the Ten Little Indians nursery rhyme. This is literally killing me.

Other blogs: @anhed-nia, which started as a dumping ground for long posts about mental illness, and turned into almost only movie writing. at some point there was just so much movie shit that i started to feel awkward about posting anything personal there again. i also got @getoffyrass which is a group blog, and a repository for images that make great drawing references. everyone is encouraged to post their drawings, too, although it is seldom used. i still like having it around, for when i have time to draw. my “real” drawing blog is @neveratendermoment but i don’t draw often enough anymore...

Do I get asks: i used to get tons! i really enjoy them, even the trolls to some degree. i must have seemed like more of a regular tumblr geek girl back in the day. also tumblr has just changed a lot since then. my blog was definitely a casualty of Best Stuff First, i think my follower count stopped dead forever right when that happened, and now that practically every single fucking thing on this entire site is either fandom shit or *discourse*, i really have nothing to offer tumblr anymore, anyway.

Blogs following: 1,057.

Lucky numbers: 2! Also 5.

What I’m wearing: black wool long john pants from Chrome, and a white v neck teeshirt with the words BLACK MAYONNAISE on it in black Rocky Horror font. i live near the notoriously toxic Gowanus Canal, and “black mayonnaise” is the actual term used to describe what’s on the bottom of it, by the scientists who are trying to figure out what to do with it.

Dream trip: i am really excited by travel, it’s hard to pick. i’m hopefully making a dream trip soon though: my father’s mysterious finno-swedish family is from the åland islands, and my husband and i will be planning part of our honeymoon there, whenever that happens.

Dream Job: i think about this a lot, because the older i get, the more i object to the entire concept of having to work to live. i’m into the whole universal basic income thing. i’m at this point where i can barely stand to think about capitalism in any way--like i think about how the need for money is so mortally serious that there’s a lot of physical stuff in the world that only exists because someone was scared of starving, tons of useless products and packaging and factory byproducts and all kinds of fucking straight up garbage that was only invented due to the lethality of poorness. i would rather be left totally alone forever if possible. however, if i HAD to do something and i COULD do anything, it would probably be film criticism. this fantasy takes place in a world where people care so much about what i have to say that i can make a career, not only out of movie writing, but out of only writing about the specific movies i want to write about, referring to nothing other than my personal reactions.

Favorite food: i wish the answer weren’t just “cheese”, but it probably is. also mushrooms. anything cinnamon. i’m a pretty adventurous eater though. the most important thing for me is a variety of flavors and textures.

Languages: english. i took several years of italian in junior high-high school, and did nothing with it. i taught myself to read french pretty fluently, but i would fold right up if someone tried to speak to me. i learned a bunch of swedish on duolingo, shoulda kept it up. i’ll get back to it! i really regret never learning spanish though, so i’m easily torn on what to do with my time.

Play any instruments: clarinet in junior high/high school, also alto sax which i did not enjoy at all, a little guitar. i bought a used electric bass last year that i have really been enjoying, but i feel a lot of guilt around not playing enough. so much of it is just strength training. that’s probably what i like about it, though. also i got a lot of electronic music software and midi controllers and stuff...and then i realized that it could take me months to sort through the thousands of samples i have to program this stuff, and i only got so far into it before i started to get discouraged. i need to get back to it, it’s ridiculous to let that stuff lie around. this is a rare example of me wishing i knew someone local to play with, who could speed me along on how everything works.

Favorite songs: another one of these impossible questions! anybody who is even reading this can probably guess the answers from the handful of music posts i reblog over and over and over. the other night i got all hyperactive and forced my husband to drop everything and listen to “buffalo stance” by nene cherry, which i never ever get sick of. real top contenders for favorite song might be “Stand By the Jamms” by the klf, and this recording, which has gotten me through many difficult hours:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8k1HsF3EvY

https://www.forcedexposure.com/Catalog/sunray-sonic-boom-music-for-the-dreamachine-cd/STRAWB.003CD.html

Random fact: i’m sure i’m missing out on something really funny and cool, but for now it’s just the well-known fact that i read palms.

Describe yourself as aesthetic thing: man, how do i answer this without being totally pretentious? maybe nobody can! i’m coming up with something really hard to describe but it will be worth it. the other day i watched this insane, completely unnecessary movie about lorca and salvador dali (played by robert pattinson) as gay lovers. there’s a scene in it where lorca does that “pick a hand” thing to dali, and dali picks an empty hand. of course, they’re both poor students who couldn’t be buying any gifts, so they do this obnoxious pantomime where dali pretends lorca actually gave him something--but then it turns out that lorca really DOES have something. he opens his other hand and gives dali...SOMETHING. i don’t know what! they make such a big deal out of it, but what the hell? you see it for a second in this closeup, but it’s shot from like, behind and slightly underneath, and it is just unrecognizable. it’s sort of an orange blob? it’s probably meant to be a sculpture. but, i love the idea of doing the “pick a hand” thing to somebody, and the other person is just like...hey wait a minute, what the fuck even IS this??

it reminded me of one of the most amazing things anyone ever did at my school, bard college. this genius art student who I WISH I COULD NAME TO CREDIT HER did her senior project as this like...made up product. i saw them at the senior show, hanging off a spinner rack, like you’d see next to the register in the drug store. they were called Toilet Buddies. they were these plastic, brightly colored objects that looked like toys, but they didn’t have a familiar earthly shape, and because of the title, it was IMPOSSIBLE to imagine what to do with them. so, she gets the lipstick cam from the film department, and shoots this video of herself sneaking some Toilet Buddies into Walmart. then she takes them to the register and BUYS THEM--the baffled cashier looks for them for a while, and eventually just rings them up as a general grocery or something. then in part 2, the artist TAKES THEM BACK TO THE STORE WITH THE RECEIPT AND GETS A REFUND.

so anyway, i see myself as like a fake product--something that looks just familiar enough to exit, and that appears to have a designated purpose, but it’s just kind of cheap and foreign and it becomes nightmarish to try to imagine what to do with it.

I don’t know if anyone i know will want to do this, but i tag @negativepleasure @moviesludge @former-contender @dimestoreman @thefuzzydave @darkarfs @theoddsideofme @blueruins ...um, i don’t really know who would enjoy this. the ultimate would be @garbagenacht

#long post

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awkward-and-fluffy · 6 years

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Important little post for those who are still following me and wondering where I’ve gone...

I’ve obviously lost interest in Tumblr over these past couple of years. I’m not that active here anymore and a lot has been going on in my life anyhow.

If anyone wants to keep up with me on social media, I’m on Twitter the most! And I’ve actually gotten myself comfortable with doing Twitch streams as of May 2018. It feels like a great accomplishment for me to overcome most of my public speech fears through that!

Aside from getting into streaming, I managed to finish enough of my website for it to be hosted! I put a lot of money into that, but it’ll last about 2 years. :’D

Sooo...

My Twitter: https://twitter.com/WolfKat777

My Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/wolfkat7

My Website: https://wolfkatworks.com/

Sometime soon I’ll be able to complete the HTML/CSS tutorial pages for my website, but it wasn’t possible to get it launched ASAP when those pages take the longest to put together. I’m not sure when I can get them done yet, but I hope it’ll be before Tumblr completely crashes and burns... I need my old tutorials on this blog to reference back to for how I organized everything. There are lots of mistakes to fix and new screenshots to take for better lesson examples, etc.

But yeah, a lot’s been going on. I’ve been trying to search for a new job (with no luck yet), managed to reach Affiliate on Twitch by some miracle, various family issues took place, my dad had to get heart surgery, etc.

Before going to a read more, if you don’t quite want to read a big wall of text or are scared of reading any medical topics (I get that), I’ll provide my thanks and more right here.

It’s been awesome to meet all the people I have on here - mostly through Gravity Falls! Writing and replying to theories was such a freakin blast, no matter how ridiculous things would get at times. Granted, I don’t like Tumblr itself as a social media platform and community if I’m brutally honest... However, I still had a little good come from this regardless of my bitterness from my old account before this one.

To you old mutuals of mine, and some of you old pals, keep being awesome! I hope you’re doing well in life; and if not, I hope for things to improve. Fight a good fight, but be careful in picking those fights. Life’s worth living and all that cliche junk that may or may not have much affect on you as motivating advice.

This all goes to my general base of followers too if any of them come across this post. Thank you guys for following this dumb blog and enjoying and sharing so many of my fun posts for Gravity Falls! The show is still super important to me, and my all time favorite cartoon to exist. Whether you sent asks, replied, reblogged, or simply liked, all of that was awesome in its own way. Having discussions on the series is one of the best memories I’ll have on this most often unbearable website! (I hope that doesn’t sound too insulting or generalizing about this site...)

And thank you for anyone who enjoyed the rest of my content here, and bearing with any personal ramblings I may have had on some bad days.

It’d be cool to come across anyone here again in the near future, but at some other online platform. I’ve provided my active links above, so feel free to find me elsewhere if you want.

Goodbye to you all, and have a great rest of 2019 and beyond!

This new year is also already off to a very... Surreal and terrifying start. In case you haven’t already checked my Twitter from the time of this post to see what I wrote there, I got a severe case of my rapid heartrate and ended up hospitalized rather than stuck in Urgent Care on its own. Just 3 weeks ago, I was in UC from a less severe but still terrifying rapid heart rate that woke me up at 5am and wouldn’t calm the heck down.

I know it seems weird to include this following story for my “farewell, Tumblr” post, but I think it’ll help give some interesting record of closure here. I’ve had personal posts and ramblings on this blog about my cardiac terrors and fears. I don’t recall exactly what I’ve written here, but maybe it’d be interesting for me to search for any of those posts again to kinda look back on those thoughts...

It’s been a few years since I’ve had a bad case of rapid heartrate... In fact, I remember writing about that experience back then here on my blog too. I was put on a heart monitor for only 3 days and yeah. Of course 3 days wasn’t enough to catch anything significant... So my heart issue was still freakin shrouded in mystery and only ever connected to my anxiety/panic disorder.

Welp, I was put on a heart monitor again just last week and I requested for it to last 30 days. Lo and behold, about 8 days later, my most severe case occurred and my monitor recorded a 250bpm max rate... This monitor is linked to cellular wifi thankfully, so the company got alerted of it and called my local UC to take me in and then called the house for my mom to answer and help drive me there. (Some moments before leaving home, my heartrate went back down to the 140′s or so, but still really bad and wouldn’t return to normal.)

In UC, I had to get X-Rays as well, but I have no idea what they found from ‘em? I wasn’t really told what they resulted with... I’ll have to ask sometime.

However, with everything going on and not even medication getting my heartrate back to normal, I was moved into a hospital shortly after my stay in UC. That was my first time ever being in an ambulance.

At the hospital, I got more blood tests done, more EKGs, all that stuff. There was also talk of me needing a uh... An ablation procedure. Then later that night, a cardiologist visited me and explained that I FINALLY got a confirmation on my issue. I’ve waited 10 years for answers on why my heart would be like this... Ugh. I’m relieved, but also frustrated it took that long to figure it out, y’know?

At this point, I didn’t have the name of the condition, but I was feeling more at peace when the cardiologist mentioned this condition isn’t life-threatening and doesn’t increase my risks of heart disease. The most common issue of it is how disruptive it is, and some other symptoms it can induce (dizziness,fatigue, etc.) Gosh, that cleared away so many worries and questions I had throughout these years.

But yeah, it’s something that people are just born with and it causes a faulty circuit or two in the heart giving it weird signals at times. Stuff like that. Those with the condition have a chance to never have symptoms of it, while others start showing symptoms between 11 - 50 years old. Mine started showing when I was 13, so that was... Great.

The only way to most likely treat it, is through an ablation... And that’s where things get really scary. I’ve always had nightmares about needing heart surgery, or my heart getting shot by bullets, etc. Like, that’s how bad I felt from never knowing what’s wrong with my vital organ.

My other option was medication, but it wouldn’t be guaranteed to help by itself. Afterall, I’ve had a few times in UC throughout my life where these meds didn’t help much if at all. They also figured it’d be good to get this procedure done the earlier the better, since it can be much more complicated if I were to have it done at an older age.

-big siiigh- After spending my first night there, yep, I’ve had that done. I don’t want to describe it ‘cause it was a terrifying experience, but I hope it helps in the end. I indeed had a faulty circuit they found, and they uh... Did what had to be done.

After I was sent back to my room, the cadiologist returned and gave me the name of my condition. Of ALL THINGS, it’s “Wolff-Parkinson-White Syndrome” or “WPW Syndrome” for short. Despite all the straight-up trauma I’ve had, I guess in a way I can kinda thank God for the bit of humor?? (For context, I developed an interest in wolves and werewolves during my teens and loving them about as much as cats...)

I was keeping my closest friends up to date on this through my phone during all this too. I kinda knew what I’d get myself into when revealing the name of my diagnosis to them... But the friendly teasing (such as “wow, so you DO have a wolf’s heart!”) cheered me up. I’m just really thankful for my friends for keeping me company even if only possible through online chat. And despite my conflicts with my mom, she stayed by me and helped me, spending nights in the hospital with me and all that stuff. I would’ve been so much more terrified and - errgh, for lack of better words - heart broken. Being all alone without someone I know being nearby during these types of things, regardless of how much I like being alone, is stressful. I would’ve otherwise only had doctors and nurses, but they’d come in and out and not always be in the room.

So, my heart needs to adjust to this, and the recovery is a little scary at times too. I’m pulling through the best I can, using guidance from my doctors. They had me stay one more night, and as of yesterday, I’ve been able to return home. Gotta spend a week relaxing and healing up, keeping up with certain medications to help, and so on.

With all that said, and for those who read this entire mess of a thing, see you all elsewhere!

#fluffy rambles #fluffy speaks #final post

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thelunarbond · 6 years

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OC questions time with Phoenix

A few days ago I reblogged this post with some questions to help with characterisation, and I wanted to write it out here with Phoenix as he’s my main oc! Here we go...

1) On a scale of “is occasionally forced to bathe” to “Instagram model with sponsors to hoe for” how involved is your OC’s Skincare routine?

Phoenix hates showering, especially when his anxiety is high. He still does it as often as possible, and he uses moisturiser and proper face wash, and that’s about it. He still barely grows facial hair despite the fact that he’s 19 years old. The rest of the Lunar Bond get jealous of him because he rarely gets acne or rough skin and he doesn’t even try

2) What are your OC’s food preferences (flavors/textures/spiciness/calories/ when and how they eat) and how did they get that way?

Phoenix is the least fussy eater ever and will eat almost anything. However, his preference is crunchy foods and/or spicy food. He doesn’t really have a preference with calories. He’s not very good at self care, so Phoenix’s diet normally consists of cereal and cup noodles for virtually every meal, as he never remembers to feed himself or remembers to buy food in the first place. (He might occasionally sneak out of bed to eat some shredded cheese at 5am too)

3) What’s something pointless/petty/unimportant that IRRATIONALLY ANNOYS THE HELL out of your OC?

Anything vaguely unsatisfying. Things such as when people cut wrapping paper and it rips, or when people draw with a ruler and it goes loose so the line isn’t straight, things like that. (Side note: Phoenix definitely watches satisfying compilations or soap cutting videos on YouTube)

4) What’s your OC’s response to being asked for money by a homeless person?

Fear, as he never carries cash or change on him (when he has money at all). He puts all his money on his bank card, and he knows he can’t transfer it to the homeless person. He gets scared that it would lead to the homeless person being angry or upset with him. And he feels bad that he could have done something to help someone

5) Does your OC get lost easily? What do they do when they do get lost?

Phoenix doesn’t get lost very easily as he never goes to places he hasn’t been to before. However, when he moved from the countryside to Westerlyn City he got lost all the time, and his response is a lot of fear (and probably a panic attack). When he would get lost he’d rely on his phone for directions and hope he wasn’t going to be lost forever

6) What would STOP your OC from Doing The Right Thing in a tense situation?

Answered here!

7) Realistically, could your OC (in their normal circumstances- i.e. at their own house/battlecamp/spaceship etc.) keep a small child alive for a week if they had to? A Dog? A Houseplant? A rock with a smiley face painted on?

Phoenix has been taking care of his little brother for years up until recently. He’s incredibly good at caring for other people or pets and making sure they are well, but he isn’t very good at looking after himself (probably because he’s too distracted while thinking about the other person/animal etc). He also has multiple houseplants in his home that are thriving

8) If your OC had to take the S.A.T. tomorrow with one night to prep, how would they do? both emotionally and academically.

Academically, Phoenix would do amazingly well. He has the highest IQ out of anyone in the Lunar Bond; he picks up information very quickly and is good at retaining it. His emotional well-being in that situation is a whole other story. Phoenix doesn’t believe he’s very good at anything. And he doesn’t think he’s particularly clever, no matter how many high test scores he gets. He would spend all night drinking energy drinks and studying, and freaking out that he’s going to fail and everyone’s going to be disappointed in him. He’d probably also be a big puddle of anxiety on the day of the test as well

9) What would cause your OC to chose to do something petty/pointlessly cruel?

Nothing. Phoenix is terrified of upsetting or angering people. No matter how many cruel or petty pranks are pulled on him, he doesn’t lash out as he’s scared of having an argument. If it’s constant, he might eventually yell at the person in question that what they’re doing is unfair, but it takes a lot to reach that point

10) On a scale of “Complete and Justified nervous breakdown” to “Conquer The Entire Galaxy and become an Immortal God-Emperor”, how well would your OC handle being abducted by Aliens?

Very very badly. He would have a total mental breakdown. He’d spend the whole time thinking he was going to die

11) What song is 100% guaranteed to get your OC beyond turnt and will be sung loudly and embarrassingly, either in public or the shower?

Pompeii by Bastille. Phoenix loves songs that he can sing along loudly to and are still calming in nature. He doesn’t really like “thumping” songs, such as songs with heavy bass or techno songs, as he thinks they’re too noisy. But he’d 100% sing along with a song like Pompeii in the shower at least (probably not in public though)

12) What perfectly-normal-to-them-thing does your OC do that confuses/pisses off/terrifies their neighbours?

He doesn’t really do anything that would piss them off as he’s scared of being confronted, but they would be confused by the fact that he leaves and goes back into his house constantly before he goes out to buy groceries. He’ll open the door, take about 2 steps outside and then go back in and stay there for another 10 minutes, still wearing his coat. He’ll leave the house again and walk to the end of the street and walk back, shut the door and not come out for 20 minutes, and it continues like that. To Phoenix, it’s his normal routine as he’s not sure if he’s too anxious to go into a store and buy groceries. In the end, after leaving and going back into his house about 5 or 6 times he’ll order his groceries online, and leave his neighbours very confused

13) Under what circumstances would your OC appear naked in public?

Only if it was life or death. If going naked in public would save his life or someone close to him he’d do it. But nothing else would make him do something like that

14) What thing did your OC’s parents do that your OC wishes they had a better explanation for?

This question is kinda confusing and I honestly don’t know how to answer it, sorry😅

15) How often does your OC “zone out” or do things on autopilot and how severe have the problems that have arisen from that been?

He zones out all the time. Multiple times a day he’ll start daydreaming, and something he does on autopilot is make cups of tea. The amount of times he’s nearly died as a result of his daydreaming is unreal. He still doesn’t stop his daydreaming while he’s in public, no matter how many times this has happened. His autopilot tea making has resulted in multiple occasions of him finding random cups of tea of different flavours around his house that he’s made, taken one sip out of, and left to go cold somewhere

16) How strong or weak is your OC’s Impulse control? What’s the worst thing that happened because of their Impulsivity or inability to be so?

Answered here!

17) How does your OC sabotage themselves?

A better question for Phoenix would be how he doesn’t sabotage himself. He’s the worst at self care, he’s never told someone he’s had a crush on that he loves them, trouble constantly seems to seek him out... someone help him

18) What’s the trashiest item in your OC’s wardrobe, when was the last time they wore it and why do they still have it?

Phoenix doesn’t really own embarrassing clothes but the trashiest thing he owns is an ancient oversized shirt that he’s had for many years; he lounges around the house in it (and sometimes wears it to the store when he occasionally braves the store). It’s covered in holes, stains and rips, the print is completely cracked and peeling and it’s about 4 sizes too big. And the last time Phoenix wore it was yesterday, because he refuses to throw it away (he claims he’s had it too long to throw it away)

19) How Dehydrated is your OC right now? Are they going to fix this?

How hydrating is tea? Because he hasn’t had a glass of water for about 6 hours but he’s had 4 cups of tea and he’s making himself another one

20) What’s your OC smell like? no, not that “Vanilla and Anxiety” evocative stuff, realistically. Body odour? what have they been touching all day? When was their last shower? Did they put on any kind of artificial scent?

Phoenix’s last shower was yesterday, so the smell of his body wash has faded a little. It’s scented like lemon and tea tree, and he still smells like it a little bit. Perfumes or aftershaves irritate his skin so he doesn’t wear them. His fingers smell like the pages of the second hand adventure books he’s been reading all day. The smell of the scented candles he has also lingers on him a little, and they’re scented like black cherry

#lunar bond #oc questions

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sinesalvatorem · 6 years

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I made a new post because the reblog chain on my previous one had grown too long.

The relevant part of the conversation is that I said:

However, part of the problem is that I’m desperate for help and housing and stuff 100% of the time, and dysfunctional people are more likely to want me around more of the time.

This is largely because, when I’m around, their dysfunctional relationships tend to just… Be less dysfunctional. Fewer misunderstandings happen, because I translate people’s concerns to each other in real time. People get angry at each other less often because I help them to not be angry. But the cost is needing to spend so much of my time with the kind of people who need to be babysat.

And then @acemindbreaker said:

I do think that last paragraph is probably the most likely reason. Someone who’s always trying to keep everyone happy can be a really attractive target for people who feel entitled to excessive amounts of emotional labour.

Like, I have borderline tendencies, and I’ve sometimes when upset started thinking that people should just learn how to not upset me, even though when I’m thinking rationally I know that my triggers are often unpredictable for me, and even more so for others around me, so that sort of expectation is pretty unreasonable.

But if I met someone who was willing and able to spend a great deal of effort trying to keep me from getting triggered at their own expense, it would be very tempting to just lean on them and let them manage my emotions because I find it hard to manage them myself. I don’t know how I’d react, and I’ve got fairly good insight into how unreasonable my desire for emotional labour from others is. If I had less insight, no question, I’d take advantage of someone who does emotional labour too easily.

...Oh.

This. This explains (about half of) my abuse. Oh.

The #1 thing that most drained me of my energy and poisoned my thoughts and made me unable to focus on doing any of the things I needed to fix my life is that my abuser outsourced dealing with their triggers (and all other emotional responses, and creating/maintaining their friendships, etc) to me. Like, basically as far as one possibly can outsource emotional regulation. And they’re in the 99th percentile of neuroticism (going by the Big 5), so -

They officially made it my responsibility to change the topic in any discussion nearby to them that might potentially touch on something that could trigger them. They would yell at me if they misheard the lyrics of music I played such that it triggered them, so now I never play music aloud no matter where I am. They once told me that I “Don’t really care about [them]” because I didn’t remember a specific song I’d once played a year before that triggered them (due to the actual lyrics, tbf). They would read my screen over my shoulder very often, and any time they did this I was so scared I wanted to throw up, because I didn’t know what they’d do if one of their triggers got mentioned on my Tumblr dash or something. But literally everything in my life was like this.

(They also used to tell me all the time that, if I were a better partner, I’d never make a mistake and never trigger them even once. And I would always point out that this was literally insane, because I am objectively in the top 1% of everyone for this specific kind of work, and they were working me to the bone and still not getting enough. Then again, they never talked to other human beings, so they might have just not realised that everyone else is even less of a mind reader than I am.)

They would hurt me if I didn’t make sure to ask “Are you OK?” any time they were triggered and let them keep me up until 5am, through two or three hours of me crying and begging to sleep, extracting emotional labour. However, they’d also hurt me if I incorrectly guessed that they’d been triggered and asked if they were OK, because that might by itself prompt them to be upset. So I’d need to intuit when they were triggered from when they weren’t before asking. But they were also really upset at the fact that I can read faces and didn’t want me to ever read their emotions from their expression or behaviour.

And I thought this was all completely OK and deserved because, two years ago, I’d fucked up and said something appallingly stupid that massively increased the severity of their triggers. And they told me that, since I was responsible for their triggers being this bad, I was responsible for taking care of them 100% of the time. And I entirely believed this, and to this day I entirely alieve it.

So, of course, they once made me denounce myself for past actions I’d taken that had hurt them and, after my denunciation, asked me “What punishment do you think someone who did something like that deserves?” I told them that I did not, and never had, believe in people “deserving” punishment. They told me that they thought this was bullshit, since everyone deep down wants the people who hurt them to suffer, but that if I wouldn’t come up with a punishment then they would. They said that I deserved to suffer twice as much as the suffering I’d caused, and no, none of my abuse counted, because that had only been me doing as I was supposed to. What real suffering had I ever experienced?

And that’s how I first came out to anyone as a rape survivor, since I’d previously wanted to hide it and repress it and never think about it. And then they had me describe in excruciating and retraumatising detail everything that had been done to me in the course of my rape. And, in the end, they gave me the stamp of approval of “Has suffered the correct amount” and let me go the fuck to sleep (and deal with my nightmares).

And I can’t even alieve that any of this wasn’t exactly what I did deserve, and exactly what my responsibility to them was. I feel deep down that I have an infinite debt to them. Which is how I know that if I ever lived with them again I would definitely, without a doubt, fall back into this pattern. Which is how I know that I would rather die than go home.

In other news, I’m going home today to collect my remaining possessions from the room my abuser and I share. Wish me luck! I will need it.

#tragic backstory #abuse cw #rape cw

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