#reclaiming my trauma if you will

[ghostatrandom]

Dont ask me what the hell am I doing drawing my rewrite of fnafhs in this cursed year of 2024 just accept that I'm paying reparations to my inner child and that's it

Basically I changed a lot of the setup of the original series, now being based around the mid 80's era, with the group being into the paranormal and investigating haunted places around town, all of them labeling themselfs as "seekers of the occult"

Annabeth Chester (Chica) is the rumor seeker, being the main face of the club and getting all the info about the places they visit

Bonifacio Scolaidhe (Bonnie) is the knowledge seeker, he is the one that knows all about different kinds of spirits and the paranormal

Foxley Rover (Foxy) is not a seeker, he doesn’t really care about this stuff but he cares about Chica so he is the cameraman

Frederick Fitzgerald (Freddy) is the spirit seeker, having a connection to beings from the spiritual plane (and later getting Fred trapped inside his body)

They weren't allowed to make a paranormal club, so they decided to make a fake music club and just pretend to be practicing music just to keep doing their investigations.

If you wanna learn more about it you can send an ask so I can draw and ramble more about it please god I so wanna talk about it-

[shorlinesorrows]

qpr jean and neil. that's all i'm gonna say.

do you see my vision?

[sugaryoats]

Where was this Harvey SDV hype 5 years ago when I was obsessed with him and he was the only character I'd ever marry

[zerodaryls]

it's so funny (read: sad) that if bigoted fuckheads didn't insist i was a woman simply by virtue of my body at birth, i'd probably be chill with she/her pronouns in addition to he/they. if my mom didn't insist i was her daughter, i'd probably let her call me that, and we could still have a relationship.

i'm nonbinary and 'gendered' words are hypothetically meaningless, but because there are so many people who are more interested in telling me who i am rather than lovingly and curiously letting me express my own sense of self, those words carry trauma.

there's no reason a nonbinary person like myself can't be a son and a child and a daughter. there's no reason a nonbinary person like me can't go by he, they, and she.

'she' is not a slur. 'daughter' is not derogatory. 'beautiful' 'pretty' 'gorgeous' 'feminine' are not insults.

to the contrary, they're parts of language that express certain facets of a multi-faceted human existence, like mine.

and i have this sad, mournful feeling that if it weren't for unloving, condescending people, i'd probably be down to be called any of those things alongside my usual masculine/neutral terminology.

but i'd rather die than let anyone tell me what i have to be called.

[xxlovelynovaxx]

Me, a physically disabled (high support needs) neurodivergent (mid to high support needs) person: Hey, my neurodivergence IS extremely disabling in a way that a lot of you say "isn't possible" and also my physical and neurological disabilities often combine in ways that can't be separated and produce symptoms that are new or of added severity for me.

Responses I've gotten from disabled exclusionists (some of whom are also both physically disabled and neurodivergent):

"What drugs are you on, you delusional freak?"

"I've never experienced this and therefore you're a dirty lying physically abled neurodivergent person who just wants to be more disabled and oppressed than you are. My experiences are universal and anyone who has different experiences is a lying liar. No one can ever prove otherwise because my axiom is that anyone who claims otherwise is lying."

"The ableds are at it again."

"Sit down and let the REAL disabled people talk."

"You're never allowed to find similarities between disabilities that are of different types, even ones you have, and if you do you're actually the reason why accessibility is such an issue because conflating them is why ableist doctors don't give us what we need and why society thinks medical gatekeeping is good, actually."

"If you're that suicidal do us all a favor and kill yourself."

This is without even getting into stuff about how disabled labels often apply differently to systems. The big discourse now is "nonverbal" labels for headmates who are permanently, always nonverbal, primarily by people and systems who refuse to view systems as anything but "parts" of a single person. Which is funny to me because ah yes, we have actual studies showing physical disabilities such as allergies can apply only to individual headmates, but gods forbid you apply a neurological label to someone whose brain activity is not only visibly different on scans from yours, but to the extent that it changes your entire shared physical body!

Like here's a novel idea: maybe we could just stop policing how other disabled people talk about their disabilities forever! Maybe we could blame any and all harm done even from the unicorn-rarity "actual fakers/liars" (also don't think I don't see you being ableist against people with actual diagnosed that cause compulsive lying) on the ableists DOING the harm because it's actually perfectly possible for them not to cherrypick our words and listen to the MAJORITY of us!

Maybe, just maybe, we could form a coalition, focus on the REAL enemy (ableist medical professionals and lawmakers) and push for actual change for ALL of us!

[fakeboygirl]

This shits fucked up. If a kinks harming you or others maybe it’s wrong and maybe it’s a type of paraphillia. Does this not affect how you see other trans people

Who says this kink is harming me? I certainly didn't. And no, it does not affect how I view other trans people at all. I am able to understand that fetish =/= reality.

I'm nonbinary, being called a "boy" or "girl" are equal parts misgendering, but I like being called both. Gender isn't even real anyway, I see no reason not to have fun with it.

[talentforlying]

every late november i am cursed with the knowledge that constantine hasn't done any sort of formal or informal holiday gathering since his sister died, and flat-out avoids people as soon as december starts so no one will invite him to anything bc he knows his seasonally bad mood will haunt whatever room he walks into. basically i'm saying this is your chance to ambush him while it's still november and harangue him into agreeing to attend your non-denominational ugly sweater parties or split a bottle of wine before he's cognizant enough to weasel out of it.

[bbeelzemon]

okay first of all was anyone going to tell me that ac/dc is an australian band. and second of all was anyone else going to tell me that they're apparently colloquially referred to as "acca dacca" in australia

[mockingmolly]

Man, the contrast of M9 getting Molly back in the form of Kingsley, versus BH potentially getting Laudna back in the form of Matilda? With tm9, Kingsley was quite possibly the kindest way they could have gotten any semblance of their friend back. It had been a year without him and none of his friends existed as he would have remembered them anymore, and he would have been faced with the struggle of trying to find his place in their group again, coming back a contrast to the person they built him up as while he was dead.

And furthermore, he came back into a time of newly-won peace, after they had managed to defeat the threats that had been building up since his death. They got him back specifically because of their success, and gave this fresh-memoried person a world ahead of them to reclaim themself the way molly never truly had. But Matilda? If the soul they pluck from the afterlife is the girl who died and stayed dead on the tree, instead of the one who spent 30 years living in the aftermath of it, they’re essentially dragging up a girl who has long-since been at rest, to thrust her into the deep end of the biggest threat any of them have ever faced, and inevitably expecting her to be able to swim and keep up. A girl who died without having any grasp of her powers, nor life experience beyond what she knew at the outskirts of the briarwood’s rule. Plucked up and dropped into a group of strangers who are dealing with some pretty intense grief, and the weight of the world on their shoulders. 

Laudna has, of course, gone through a lot. There’s no reality in which she isn’t deeply fucked up by what happened before, upon, and after this second death. Reckoning with the sudden loss of Delilah over her shoulders and what it means for her going forward is going to be a journey, but she’ll have her family by her side through all of it. She’ll have the knowledge she’s gained through 30 years of unliving and a grasp on what’s at stake in the world she’s coming back to. The world she seems to want to come back to, as shaken as she is.

If the soul they reach out to is Matilda, there’s no guarantee that anything they could say will appeal to a stranger that’s been dead and at rest for decades. And even if they do, i can’t help but feel like uprooting and forcing a soul they don’t know into a life/burden they have no way out of is also one of the crueler outcomes in all of this.

[gnzma]

[ pirate au pirate au pirate au ]

[antisisyphus]

gerard way in a catholic school girl uniform a la britney WITH the pink lip gloss. i wont say it again (i will be saying this this forever)

[raeofgayshine]

*grabs my ocs on the top of the head like they’re in virtual families and drags them into a new genre for my bedtime story*

[nerevarbignaturals]

if I had a nickel for every time a youth from my job accused staff of bullying for asking them not to say racist & ableist slurs in the center, I'd have two nickels! which isn't a lot, but it's sure fuckin weird that it's happened twice

[jacquoot]

i spent the first half of my life pathologically terrified of my death, and the other half wishing for it.

[cassaloopa]

I love thinking about the fact that when you romance Astarion, like, actually start to romance him, you don’t have sex with him. At all. And it comes up in other interactions later on, like if you get propositioned by Halsin, Astarion checks if his lack of participation is a factor in your consideration? And if you mess with Mizora, similar thing. So it’s clear that since he confessed his true feelings, that part of your relationship pauses, as he requested. Because he’s got trauma and needs a gentle loving space to work through that to be intimate in a healthy way that doesn’t repulse him or taint your bond.

And I love that he gets that narrative because it’s such a rare option for a masculine character to experience sexual abuse and trauma and be allowed a chance to work through and heal from it. Especially if they’re young and gorgeous and virile like he is. He’s only 39 at his death/turning, he was so young, and Cazador treats him like a boy in so many ways while simultaneously using his adult sex appeal as a lure and a weapon to control him and destroy other lives through his body. It’s such an integral part of his abusive enslavement and I appreciate that choice for his story rather than a simple one of monstrous violence, murder, etc which is a more common trope for male characters.

So he’s coming from that place, and then he meets you and his default setting is to fuck you to secure his safety, his worth in your eyes. But if you show him true love and care, he starts to see a way to return that which is something he’s never been able to do before, but the sex complicates it suddenly. And you can just back off from it, give him the space he needs, make him feel safe to trust love and security isn’t bound to what he can offer you physically. It’s not bound to his body, his functions. It’s his personhood that you desire, his essence without strings attached, and he gets to learn that and trust it and grow it without pressure or judgement. Even the times after where you ask to kiss him feel so sweet, to check in with him on such a simple act of intimacy, where he gets his autonomy to consent.

And then, at the end of his storyline in the graveyard, when he’s reclaiming his life in symbolic and literal ways, that’s when he feels the most safe and in love with you, trusts you the most to care for him completely, and that’s when he initiates physicality again. And I just fucking love that for him. So much.

As a person who’s struggled with physical intimacy and learning I could have boundaries and need to take my time with stuff and my partner wouldn’t abandon me over it? Would stay even if I couldn’t promise to ever fulfill that part of our relationship again? The safety of that reassurance is everything, and it helps you find a way back to your body again, to loving it and wanting to share it with another. Because you get to choose when and how and anything offered is received with pure gratitude and admiration. And I love that Astarion gets that chance because he deserves to heal and feel whole again, to live fully without barriers. And you get to help him find that. It’s beautiful.