#regis ass oil

[tiny-buzz]

Nice dinner party. Great ambiance, jazz trio, gorgeous women and powerful men. But, let me ask you this, person to person, as we sit down to sup . . .

Was this delightful capellini finished with "Brand X" clam oil?

Because, friend, if you cheaped out on the clam oil, then buddy, you're missing the point

Thankfully, I brought a flask of my own. Top shelf, the best there's ever been.

Regis Philbin's very own REGIS PHILBIN'S AUTHENTIC ITALIAN CLAM OIL. And before you interrupt me to ask, yes, friend: it's "Italian-style." Frankly, I wouldn't have it any other way. Take a sip, and let's pass it around the table.

See, Regis Philbin was content with life. He was a man of influence, power. He alone decided who lived and who died within a beautiful system of machinery. His body glistened in the Santa Monica sunrise. But, like all men do, he sought something greater.

A few phone calls later, and Regis was talking to the Pope, his Holiness.

"Pope, listen," Regis said, with candor and excitement. "We're gonna shake up the stodgy clam oil market. We're gonna take it back to the way things used to be, Papa."

"Holy moly," said the Pontiff, saluting everything Regis was running up the flag pole.

A few months later, the finished product was unveiled to a municipal gymnasium of earthquake survivors. "The rich velvet of the clam stands in playful contrast to everything I THOUGHT I knew about Italian-Style Italian Clam Oil!" said a grieving mother who just hours prior had lost her only Nintendo.

So, listen, friend: next time you hold a little get-together? A little congregation? A little State dinner? A little shindig? A little Tweetup? A little funeral? A little fistfight? A little soiree? A little cult orgy? A little board game night? A little solstice? Make sure not to humiliate yourself, and spring for the bottle made by Regis, endorsed by the Church, and individually kissed by Madam Wolverine herself.

Now let's all raise a bucket of the good stuff (clam oil) and cheers our imperfect host as we celebrate Regis Weekend being extended through and including the day of Tuesday, October 17, 2023.

[seat-safety-switch]

It's super rad that there's a car on the moon. Those astronauts left it up there for the next guy, mostly because the tow truck bill would've killed them. Of course, you can't drive it, but you also can't drive most of my cars, and they're on Good Old Mother Earth.

In a lot of ways, this plan was brilliant for NASA. People might hit the snooze button when they hear about exploring new worlds, but a new kind of car? Holy shit. News is gonna be wall to wall "space car" stories and op-eds.

That's why I was so surprised to hear that NASA isn't making a new kind of space car for the return to the moon. They're gonna leave it to Toyota, presumably because we surrendered to their automotive industry decades ago and are just unwilling to admit it. Cowardice. Defeatism isn't their style, or at least it wasn't until they put these milksop bean-counters in charge of the program. Put my ass in charge of NASA, and I promise you that you will receive only the most ridiculous lunar rovers the universe has ever seen.

Astronauts deserve to travel in luxury. If, for some made-up reason of "mission performance" or "launch weight limits," they can't have luxury, they should at least have style. And if they can't have style, they should at least have an iron-block Mopar Slant Six residing inside an all-titanium, precision-laser-cut replica of a 1981 Dodge St. Regis.

What's that? There's no air on the moon? That's okay, because a teeny-tiny nuclear reactor built into the oil pan (there's definitely enough room) will give them all the pep in their step they will ever need or want. Someone else can work on the brakes, do I have to do everything around here?

[littleblondesoprano]

Me, the entirety of the Dettlaff fights: 

[noirbriar]

FFXV AU: Kitten Kisses

A world where everyone lives, 10 years after the final battle.

Galahd is flourishing but Nyx Ulric, Representative of Galahd, really just wants to lay down beside his husband, though life evidently often does not go the way you want it to. Prompto is simply confused by his parents being chaotic miles away from Insomnia.Whereas Cor is simply enjoying his retirement as he should. 

Some surface mature content ahead, not explicit or anything, just husbands being soft after a good time. Here’s more Galahd goodness and world building we have been deprived of by SE. 

From The Lion, the Coeurl and the Cub AU  . Takes place 10 years after and slightly before the Epilogue of the main story. 

——-

“You are enjoying this a lot I see.” Cor remarks, in an absolutely pleasant mood while he indulges an amorous Nyx nuzzling into the crook of his neck.

A few soft groans and gentle kisses, a long moan and a satisfied sigh. Sounds of lovemaking drowned by the sounds of the monsoon rain.The storm not a concern for the two writhing figures in their abode.

Nyx continues to pepper Cor’s jaw with lazy kisses, revelling in how fitting his husband looks in the galahdian sheets and pillows. The sight of his lover framed by the satin drapes, body shiny with the scented oils with only his clan beads knotted in a necklace sitting on his sternum proudly. By Etro’s grace, he definitely is enjoying this more than he should.

“I love how you look like this, all blissed out and relaxed.” Nyx rubs Cor’s cheek gently, trying to enjoy the sight.”You know, I never thought I did see the day where I can have you here in my homeland, in my bed draped in the silks looking like absolute sin.” And he resumes kissing down the older man’s neck, looking to leave a few more marks like the wild man he is.

Cor laughs.

“Its the massage oils. And you only like it because it inflates your damn ego.”The old Marshal drawls lazily, stretching a little but definitely pleased.Too comfortable to find anymore smart retorts.

“Well, that, and who says pride snd pleasure can’t be relative?” Cor snorts as Nyx smirks into Cor’s chest, enjoying the warmth as he massages his sides.

“Ass.”

“Well, you like that too.” Now that earned him a rough nudge as he laughs, kissing whatever parts of his partner’s skin that he can reach.

“Mm, If you still want, you can. Though I might fall asleep at this rate. I’m getting too old.”

“Nah, I’m good for tonight. Hang on. Lemme just clean you up, then we can rest.” Nyx kisses the corner of his lips and gets up, ignoring the stickiness and grabbing his pants off the floor before heading out of their room to find a washcloth. Cor smiles sleepily watching the other man leave the room, albeit a little clumsily, all while appreciating the marks he had left on the younger man earlier that evening. Rough and primal, just how Nyx likes it. He gives a wistful sigh, before burying himself deeper into the plush pillows, forgoing the blanket and enjoying the cool wind of the storm drifting in. It wasn’t too bad that the rain would come in this early in the season. The rustic charms hanging by their balcony chiming and lulling him into a deep dream.

Its almost shocking how Cor got assimilated so quickly, adapting to the new land, people and culture. Though that was to be expected considering he was a soldier. Yet having lived among hunters growing up, and sharing a life so closely with a pure blooded Galahdian, Cor took to Galahd almost instantly and to Nyx’s amazement. The younger man was initially concerned how he might settle in into his motherland but those worries were for a naught.

Its so unexpected for a Lucian, yet his husband proven again he was no ordinary man. 

The Marshal having reached the golden age of retirement from the Lucian military a few years back meant the timing was also perfect. He had initially expected Cor to not leave Insomnia, considering how close he was to King Regis and the Crown. Though Cor did one better, packing away his military fatigues and crests and finally putting on his partner’s beads now that secrecy and discretion is unnecessary, telling Nyx he would follow him back to his homeland. Simply said that now with the peace, it all just seemed right.

The Marshal of Lucis, the legendary Immortal whose name is known throughout Eos and has served 3 generations of the Lucis Caelums. 4 generations, if you really want to include Ardyn. There will be no second Marshal after Cor Leonis leaves the service of the Crown, the post retiring alongside with the soldier who held it. Thus, taking with him the titles and only leaving tales of his exploits on the battlefield against enemies, Spirits and Gods alike.

Long before the War had ended, they have once talked about Nyx going back to Galahd if fate would allow that possibility. Maybe for a few days should their vacation lined up, let him show Cor his hometown, that sort of wild dream. Its strange how life threw them for a ride instead and now here they are. Galahd, rebuilt and thriving as a maritime and tourist destination. With much support from Insomnia after a year or so of back and forth once he stepped down as Captain of the Kingsglaive, handing the reins over to Crowe. 

He himself now being the Representative of Galahd as his forebears once did in a forgotten time. Even though his people are a matrilineal and matrilocal society, he is still the last of the founding Ulric Clan, Coeurl-kin, Keepers of Etro. The fact that he have helped to raise and guard Prompto as the last Farseer sealed his position as well. So long as he keeps his Tribe protected and provided for, the Clan leaders will allow him to remain as their representative.

They have also left behind their house in Insomnia for Prompto, though they do not doubt for a moment that their son spends more time in the Citadel. But they will respectfully leave their son’s private life alone.

Nyx washed up and took a damp cloth and towel beside the bath and proceeded to return to his husband. Until he stepped through the beaded curtain and stopped dead in his tracks

“…Nyx?” Cor, rousing from his sleep, finally notices the younger man frozen by the door. If he was there… then the warm comfortable weight beside him was definitely NOT his husband. For one, his hands felt fur-

The Marshal’s instincts then kicking into overdrive, tiredness gone as he jumps out from their shared bed and across the room. 

There beside him, was a large, beautiful and oddly familiar Galadian Coeurl.With a scar across its nose, watching him curiously, whiskers flicking harmlessly and purring.

——

[ Family Group Chat ( =^._.^= ) ]

[Baba 3:09am]: I have a question.

[Baba 3:09am]: Its important.

[Baba 3:10am]: Prompto.

[Baba 3:10am]: Prompto Leonis, Son of Ulric. 

[Baba 3:11am]: Tell me. Will the Goddess smite me here and now on the very ground I stand if I skin one of her beasts for disrespecting me and mine in my very own home.

Prompto squints at the glare of his phone after being rudely awaken up by the incessantly KWEH-ing device and blindly fumbles for it over the shoulder of the obstacle named Gladio. He blinks the sleep away, ignoring the octopus prince wrapped around his waist, grumbling that his human pillow moving around so much. Nyx was using punctuations and he never uses punctuations. He quickly punches in a text.

[Prom 3:20am]: R u drunk??? =.=

[Dad 3:21am]: Ignore the idiot, Prompto.

[Dad 3:21am]: You are doing ok, right?

“Prommmmm, is too briiight.” Noctis grumbles, tugging his waist tighter, before Prompto shoves the raven haired prince away to have more space to move his hand. Noctis grunts and turns to the other side to huddle with Ignis, resuming snoring softly in an instant.

[Prom 3:22am]: Was slpin zzzzzz

[Dad 3:23am]: Sorry. Its nothing. Go back to sleep.

Probably nothing then. Prompto huffs and drops his phone to the side, nearly hitting the Shield beside him and quickly flops back into dreamland.

——

Spoiler alert: It wasn’t nothing.

[ Family Group Chat ( =^._.^= ) ]

[Baba 8:09am]: Am I being tested? Am I failing as a husband?

[Dad 8:10am]: Nyx is just being dramatic. Go about your day. He’s fine.

Okay, now Prompto is starting to be concerned, as he chews on Noctis’ salad which has usual, appeared on his plate.

“What’s wrong sunshine, you look serious.” Gladio notices how quiet their youngest one was being this morning, sipping on his still warm Ebony coffee, keeping an eye on Noctis trying to make sure the prince doesn’t drown himself in his oatmeal.

“My dads are being weird. Is this like, you know, some sorta weird mid-life crisis thing?” Prompto finally puts down his phone and gratefully accepts the orange juice from Iggy, who gives him a peck on the forehead in reply to his thanks.

“I highly doubt the Marshal and the Representative can ever be at odds for very long. Well, as far as I know. Are you concerned, darling?” Iggy asks as he puts away his second cup of Ebony and sorts out his documents.

“Not really? I-I don’t know?”Prompto shrugs. For as long as he lived, as Ignis has said, the couple were never at odds for very long.The longest was a day and after a 3 hour long spar and 2 hours more they were back to being themselves the next morning.Its just all very weird.

Three days later, it was clear whatever was between the 2 was a bigger issue than he thought.

[Dad 12:32pm]: Son, are you able to get away from the Citadel for a couple of days?

[Dad 12:33pm]: Its okay if you can’t. It’s not a big issue.

[Baba 12:33pm]: It is a big issue Cor.

[Prom 12:34pm]: K u guys r making me worried. R u both fighting? Is this like some pre-divorce thing??

[Baba 12:34pm]: Galahdians don’t have divorces. The closest we have to separation is stabbing the partner to death.

[Dad 12:34pm]: Nyx.

[Dad 12:34pm]: And no, we are fine.

[Prom 12:35pm]: OK WTF???

“Ok.I think its bad.” Prompto stares at his phone grimly after another council meeting. With the absence of King Regis on his tour around Eos (read: vacation), it is Noctis who has to chair the meetings. The prince looks over Prompto’s shoulder and reads his text.

“Wow. Morbid much?”

[Dad 12:35pm]: Let me know if you can come to Galahd and when. We’ll pick you up at the Port.

[Baba 12:36pm]: Its okay cub we are fine just let us know if you can come visit and we will talk then

“Riiiight. That’s comforting.”Prompto scrunches his face in thought.”Guess I’ll take the time to clear my time off then. May I, your Highness~?”

“Yes, just take it! Go have fun with your dads. Make sure they don’t stab each other to the death. Though my money is on Cor. ” The prince grins, putting away a report and laughing as he dodges the punch on the shoulder.

——

Prompto loves the beaches and the fresh clean air of Galahd. So different from the mainland and all the regions of Eos he has been to. Sure, every place has its unique smell and sights but Galahd is simply, different. Nature is regrowing between the ruins left behind by the war, warmth and sounds of life are filling the isles once again. Prompto walks down the Island Port and gets through the customs easy enough as part of the Prince’s retinue, where he greets some of the Kingsglaives stationed there and heads further in-land to find his fathers. The blonde casually taking a few scenic shots while some of the locals recognises him or spots the clan beads in his braid and gives him a friendly shout.

However, the surprising part was actually finding Libertus waiting for him. He gives his uncle a quick greeting and gladly takes the ride to his parents’ residence in his scooter. Libertus was one of the first few to return to Galahd after the autonomy was declared. He then helped Nyx coordinate the restructuring efforts of the Isles while setting up a Tavern, which is now a hotspot for locals and Glaives stationed here. The blond asks Libertus if he knows what was happening between his dads and the older galahadian merely barks a laugh and tells him to wait and see. They weave through town and into the further parts nearer to the forests to a small homely tropical house, his fathers’ home for the past 5 years. 

Prompto quickly spots Cor lazing in his hammock beneath the trees with no intention of getting up even though the old Marshal had spotted his son from afar. Weird but ok.

“Dad!” Prompto shouts happily as he makes his way up the steps.

“Shhhh.”Cor gestures for his son to pipe down, before he beckons him over to have a look.

There in the hammock under the shade with him are 3 tiny Galahdian Coeurl cubs sleeping on Cor’s chest, their horns still tiny, dull harmless nubs, little whiskers twitching in their slumber.A closer look and Prompto notices one had a bandage around its tiny chubby paw. The soft scene is so soft that it makes Prompto coo at the babies.That is, until he realised-

“Why do you have baby Coeurls?” Prompto looks at Cor, and he remembers his dad’s odd question if he was alright that night. These were Etro’s favourite beasts who rarely appear before humans, even locals. The last time they did emerge was during his trial as Etro’s Farseer. His blue clear eyes widening as he asks again.”What did you do? Wait- where’s baba?”

As if he has heard his son’s question, a loud crash and a string of curses in galah came from behind. Prompto makes his way towards to the sound and sees Nyx wrestling the scarred Coeurl from the Etro’s Shrine years ago. More curses.The Coeurl looks almost as if he’s too lazy to deal with Nyx. The young man blinks and looks to a laughing Libertus for answers.

“Apparently Nyx thinks the Coeurl is threatening to steal his home and your dad by coming onto his land and bringing in his cubs.” Libs smirks,”the Marshal picked up and helped the injured baby during an excursion with the hunters for wild Garula. Gave ‘em some Garula milk and tucked them away in a safe den. Now the big cat thinks he is a good parent for his litter so he’s taken to following Cor around with the lil ones.”

Prompto.exe has stopped working. He turns back to see his nonchalant dad petting the injured cub back to sleep and giving the milky scented baby sniffing curiously a kitten kiss on its pink nose.

”Whua? Whoa, how did you even- you know what, no, never mind, I’m not going to try and understand all this just yet.” And he turns on his heel with his bag into the house, away from the humid afternoon heat.

“Take a shower and freshen up, Prompto.”Cor drawls idly,”We’ll have lunch together in a bit. Once Nyx is done with his alpha posturing thing over there.”

Another crash and Nyx is belting out another glorious set of expletives in galah. Prompto sighs, mostly in relief. At least his dad’s are not stabbing each other to death he suppose.

-----

Thank you everyone for indulging me and my lil ramblings of an AU, have a happy new year!

[afterhoursfic]

Okay so Geralt and the hansa 100% sleep around with each other, especially when things get a little tense/annoying (Dandelion) and they need to get it out, plus its gun and helps pass the time on quiet, cold evenings.

But Geralt is just a service top because he's the leader supposed to stay in control and doesnt want to be vulnerable, so whilst he really wants to get fucked into next week, he holds off and fucks everyone else. It doesnt help that he ls already resigned to the fact that he won't be seeing Eskel this winter anyway.

Cue a tense night where Geralt and Regis swear they're being followed and Dandelion is being extra annoying which right noww will result in Milva shutting him up by riding his face and Geralt and Cahir racing to get a go at his ass.

Thats until they can hear someone approach the camp and its until they hear "I thought you didn't have any friends, Wolf" that Geralt relaxes and rushes over to haul Eskel out of the saddle so they can kiss.

Somehow they make it to the fire, and Geralt ignores the glances between everyone else when he practically straddles Eskels lap and whines so prettily when Eskel nips a spot under his jaw.

Eskel lets Geralt sucks on his fingers and then with one hand down the back of his trousers, fingers him open for the whole group to see, whilst his other hand holds firm to the back if Geralts neck, holding him in place so people can see and hear how much he likes getting fingered open.

Somehow Eskels laces get undone and his dick, already hard and dripping and so fucking big, gets out and they can hear the audible gasps from everyone at the glimpse of it. Geralt growls a little when he sees Cahirs hand slicking Eskels cock with oil, but thats only because hes not the one doing it.

Eskel carries him over to his bedroll, making out the whole time and as soon as he touches the ground hes being flipped over onto all fours, his trousers almost ripped down below the curve of his ass and then Eskels pushing in, with one long hard thrust that has him gasping, and his cock twitching with just how close he was to coming just from that.

Eskel just croons at him, asks if his friends are looking after him properly, if they know he's the best ride on the continent and just saying how he'll have to show them how to fuck his bitch properly.

They fuck for hours, the bedroll is ruined and the rest of the hansa had happily taken care of each other with such a pretty sight in front of them. In fact when they all do go to sleep it doesnt last long before they hear the grunts and moans as Eskel fucks Geralt again and then another round and even when they're half asleep and obviously tired they watch Eskel fuck between Geralts thighs leaving them both messy and sticky with pre and come but also cant be bothered to do anything about it.

They dont say anything when Eskel tags along with them, or that Roach is not the bag carrier so Geralt can ride with Eskel. They also pointedly dont mention how obvious it is that the two of them are fucking on horseback, but well if they're all horny and distracted that means more breaks to take care of themselves, especially as Geralt seems set on ruining his throat by blowing Eskel at any and every opportunity.

[advena87]

For ask thingy if you do it: 48~

Thank you for your ask but let's break some rules here.

I'm in the mood today to answer all the questions and I'm going to do it, because who will stop me? Instead of sending asks, I will tag here people that I would like to also answer all questions. If you want, of course. I will be glad if you do this and tag me, so that I can read your answers.

I tag @1orweth @2jesterprince4 @the-fox-the-wytch96 @witcher-not-quitter @evilwitchershitpost @inkprintedfox @corrupted-nightshade @just-a-himbo-and-his-feral-bard @long-lost-idiot @all-my-queens @rozovvy @punchsomeoneforme-willyou

and anyone who sees it and would like to do it. Don't forget to tag me so I can read your answers! :)

So let's go!

Skellige isles or the continent?

Skellige, although I think the isles are a little overrated. But I love Skellige because of the views and the musical theme.

Velen or Toussaint?

Velen is depressing. Has many interesting quests but this location really depresses me so I choose Toussaint .

Novigrad or Beauclair?

Difficult choice. Novigrad is, however, more ... realistic. It's easier for me to believe that this city is real. Beauclair is too fairy-tale.

Sleeping at Corvo Bianco or meditating under a tree?

Meditation under a tree has its charms, but I love Corvo Bianco. But let's face it, I usually meditate wherever I stand because it saves time.

Inns or Brothels?

Inns. When it comes to brothels, I only go there to play gwent :D

Caves or Ruins?

Ruins. I don't like caves. It's dark there and I will always get lost somewhere. Ruins are at least pretty.

High or low difficulty?

Low, because I like to invade the middle of the mess and swing the sword blindly. I don’t plan fights and I don’t bother with preparations, so I would die on high difficulty every 5 minutes.

Going back to old save: yay or nay?

Nay.

Mods: yay or nay?

I would say yay, but I don't know shit about mods and I don't know how to install them so I'll say nay. But I would love to play with mods someday.

Mini-map or no mini-map?

Mini-map, Mini-map is good because my level of terrain orientation is zero. I’m a total noob.

Roach or Fast travel?

I love Roach with all my heart, but I travel fast.

Roads or Boats?

Roads.

Specters or Relics?

Relics are interesting, Specters are irritating.

Beasts or Hybrids?

Hybrids are interesting, Beasts are boring. 

Necrophages or Vampires?

Necrophages are disgusting, Vampires are cool.

Orgroids or Elementa?

Orgroids are stupid, Elementa are dignified.

Dracanoids or Cursed Ones?

Dracanoids are awesome, Cursed Ones are creepy.

The Caretaker or the Crones?

"If I'm to choose between one evil and another, then I prefer not to choose at all." But Crones were disturbing, while when I saw Caretaker I just shit myself.

Botchlings or spotted Wights?

Spotted Wights.

Godlings or Trolls?

Godlings

Sirens or Harpies?

Sirens are badass.

Killing or sparing?

Sparing.

Dijkstra or Roche?

I really like Dijkstra and I even think he was right. But Roche is my Bro. It was one of the hardest choices for me, but I couldn't betray Roche. It is impossible. I can only betray Roche to Iorveth.

Vesemir or Crach an Craite?

It may be an unpopular opinion, but I'm not a fan of Vesemir, I don't really like him. So Crach an Craite, he is cool dude and good bro.

Eskel or Lambert?

Eskel is a sweetheart and I love him, but Lambert is my favorite witcher and one of my favorite characters in general.

Keira or Philippa?

I really loved Philippa in The Witcher 2, I think she was one of the best characters there, but in The Witcher 3 they ruined her. So Keira, Keira's a cool gal.

Cerys or Hjalmar?

Hjalmar is ok, but Cerys is awesome.

Syanna or Anarietta?

Syanna is more interesting. Don't get me wrong, I think she did wrong, but she is more complex than Anarietta.

Yen or Triss?

Yennefer is my queen. I used to dislike Triss very much. Now I don't think so bad about her anymore, but I always choose Yen without hesitation.

Ciri or Geralt?

Geralt. I'm not a Ciri fan.

Regis or Dettlaff?

Regis. Always Regis.

Olgierd von Everec or Gaunter O’Dimm?

Olgierd. I mean, he's a dick, but I pity him after all. And with Gaunter, you never know, he lives because others suffer.

Olgierd von Everec or Iris von Everec?

Iris. Duh.

Shani or Dandelion?

I don't really like book Dandelion or game Dandelion (but I'm truly, madly, deeply in love with Netflix Dandelion/Jaskier!), but I can't imagine any witcher story without him. We can do without Shani, but not without Dandelion.

Johnny or Sarah?

Johnny

Sorceresses or Witchers?

Witchers

Druids or the local holy man?

Druids

Food or Swallow?

Food is enough, I'm not a wimp, it's just a scratch.

Decoctions or Potions?

I have never drunk any decoction in my entire Witcher career. So Potions.

Hunting for diagrams or finding them per chance?

Depends on my mood. Usually it's per chance, but sometimes I will go to find them all at once and then spend all the coins on making them and try them on for an hour, unable to decide which one I look best at. You know, my witcher must be stylish.

Saving coin or spending coin?

Saving to spend.

Looting or buying?

Looting to sell --> Selling to save --> Saving to buy.

Upsetting the guards or following the rules?

I'd love to upset them if they weren't such pain in the ass when they are upset.

Igni or Axii?

Igni

Yrden or Aard?

Aard

Signs or blade oils?

Signs

Crossbow or fists?

Crossbow.  

Settling down or staying on the path?

Settling down is nice but I like to be on the path.

Gwent Cards or Swords?

Both. I’m a collecting bitch.

Beard or no beard?

What about the stubble?

“Puss Peepers” or “Mutant”?

Puss Peepers is cute but ridiculous. I will stay with Mutant.

.

[dziolcha]

i was tagged by @advena87 to answer some questions about the witcher 😊

Skellige isles or the continent? Continent. I’m not a big fan of this whole “viking” vibe.

Velen or Toussaint? Tough choice, but I’d say Velen. It feels more real.

Novigrad or Beauclair? Novigrad for the same reason as Velen. 

Sleeping at Corvo Bianco or meditating under a tree? Meditating under a tree. Corvo Bianco is beautiful, but honestly I’m too lazy to go there everytime i need to refill my potions.

Inns or Brothels? I don’t really like paying 100 crowns for some random sex scene lol so i choose inns.

Caves or Ruins? I think they’re both kinda boring, but at least ruins are pretty.

High or low difficulty? Even tho i always play on low difficulty, somehow i still manage to get my ass kicked every time.

Going back to old save: yay or nay?  Nah, I don’t really see the point in doing that.

Mods: yay or nay?  The only game in which i use mods is the sims lol.

Mini-map or no mini-map? Sometimes i get lost even when i use mini-map, so playing without it would be terrible tbh.

Roach or Fast travel? Fast travel. As I’ve said before, I’m lazy. 🤷‍♀️

Roads or Boats? Roads, I hate boats with burning passion.

Specters or Relics?  Relics are more interesting, but Specters have cooler design so I’d say both.

Beasts or Hybrids?  Hybrids.

Necrophages or Vampires?  Vampires are way more interesting.

Orgroids or Elementa?  Orgroids.

Dracanoids or Cursed Ones?  Cursed Ones because they’re usually related to some cool quests.

The Caretaker or the Crones?  Neither really scared me, but the Crones were way more disgusting. (i wanna puke everytime i see Weavess’ eye/eyes/whatever tf it is)

Botchlings or spotted Wights?  Both!!!

Godlings or Trolls?  Trolls. Unpopular opinion, but Godlings are kinda annoying.

Sirens or Harpies? Sirens.

Killing or sparing? Sparing.

Dijkstra or Roche?  Dijkstra. Roche is a good friend to Geralt, but he’s plan sucks + I don’t really like him to be honest. ( i wish i could save Thaler and Ves tho)

Vesemir or Crach an Craite?  Crach an Craite.

Eskel or Lambert?  I like Eskel, but Lambert is one of my favorite characters from The Witcher.

Keira or Philippa?  Philippa was great in books but Keira stole my heart in TW3.

Cerys or Hjalmar?  I like them both, but Cerys is a way better ruler than Hjalmar.

Syanna or Anarietta?  Syanna is more complex than Anarietta. (but i always choose the ending where she dies and Dettlaff lives anyway)

Yen or Triss?  I’d say Yen, but i like Triss as well.

Ciri or Geralt?  Geralt.

Regis or Dettlaff?  Regis.

Olgierd von Everec or Gaunter O’Dimm?  Gaunter, Olgierd got what he deserved.

Olgierd von Everec or Iris von Everec?  Iris.

Shani or Dandelion?  Dandelion, i like Shani but she was pretty annoying in TW1.

Johnny or Sarah? Neither.

Sorceresses or Witchers?  Sorceresses. Especially the lodge.

Druids or the local holy man? Druids.

Food or Swallow?  Swallow.

Decoctions or Potions?  Potions, decoctions are kinda useless on low difficulty.

Hunting for diagrams or finding them per chance?  Usually per chance.

Saving coin or spending coin? Spending. You don’t have to save coin if you steal trash from villagers. :P

Looting or buying?  Looting.

Upsetting the guards or following the rules? Following the rules. Some bread and empty bottles aren’t worth it.

Igni or Axii? Igni.

Yrden or Aard? Yrden.

Signs or blade oils? Signs.

Crossbow or fists? Crossbow is useful only underwater, so fists.

Settling down or staying on the path? Settling down, let the old man rest.

Gwent Cards or Swords? Gwent Cards.

Beard or no beard? No beard.

“Puss Peepers” or “Mutant”? “Puss Peepers” is funny, “Mutant” is just rude lol.

I’m not tagging anyone, but feel free to steal it. 💕

[riviae]

Have u written anything on how u think Regis and lambert would get along?

ahh i actually have this post (x) which is how i imagine a regis & lambert meeting would go. it basically amounts to lambert getting his ass kicked by regis in a one-on-one match bc lambert /would/ try & fight regis imo.

but i’m totally down to expanding upon their interaction(s) & i feel like i’ve neglected lambert in a lot of my characterization/hc posts so here we go: 

so lambert gets his ass kicked while eskel & geralt watch from the side

regis midway thru ‘gently’ throwing lambert into a thorny bush: “i detest violence, but sparring is alright in small doses.” 

lambert somehow only ends up w/ a few cuts & bruises, having to give up when regis’ claws are poised mere centimeters from his throat. 

afterwards, regis tends to lambert’s wounds even tho he could have just chugged a potion & gotten rid of ‘em that way. while bandaging the wounds, regis rambles about things he’d seen & experienced. 

surprisingly, lambert listens. regis is a good storyteller, after all, & when was lambert going to get to hear a tale from a higher vampire again? 

before he knows it, he’s been listening to regis for at least 3 hrs... which is a feat bc even when lambert was training to be a witcher he wouldn’t listen to vesemir for longer than 10 minutes (also i lowkey have a headcanon that lambert & regis have adhd, but that’s an explanation for another time). 

it does take lambert awhile to warm up to regis compared to everyone else tho... given his uhhh personality, for lack of better words. in the beginning, lambert goes out of his way to avoid regis. they’re like oil & water basically, but eventually lambert’s curiosity about higher vampires in general forces him to at least ask regis a few questions whenever they pass each other in the keep.

anyway, lambert is a lot less.... tactful compared to geralt & eskel when asking about higher vampire stuff. but regis doesn’t really mind--lambert, for as ‘prickly’ as he is, doesn’t push for more info when he notices that a question he’s brought up has made regis uncomfortable or sullen. he might be a dick, but he isn’t a monster. 

lambert isn’t really one to lounge around or read or philosophize, so if he’s looking to hang out w/ regis, it usually involves an activity. so far he’s taught regis how to fish the ‘witcher way’ (aka throwing bombs into the lake and picking up the fish that float to the surface alskjdfs), they’ve played gwent together, and they’ve also continued to spar. lambert has gotten much faster/agile in training w/ regis, something that actually saves his life the next time he heads out on the path & runs into a trio of bruxae. 

so yeah, while regis may not be as ‘close’ to lambert as the other wolf school witchers, this has more to do w/ lambert & his issues w/ letting ppl in. he still pushes ppl away/isolates himself as much as he can & his mood can turn sour at things that might seem minor to others (but that’s unfortunately what childhood trauma does). lambert genuinely sees regis as a friend after getting to know him well, but acts as if he’s fed up w/ regis’ ramblings/monologuing even tho he’s definitely not. 

if anyone were to ask lambert his opinion on regis, it’d probably be something like: “he’s the only blood-sucking freak i can stand to be around.” (unlike geralt, lambert isn’t a big fan of most monsters, as we can see in tw3 w/ the rock trolls, for instance. he’d rather just complete his contracts and get paid than worry about annoying things like his own motives or ethics.)

however, at some point during a sparring match, lambert gets in a lucky hit w/ his sword. regis appeared just as lambert drove his blade forward, impaling the vampire in the chest. despite /knowing/ from regis’ stories that something as minor as a single stab wound wouldn’t kill him, lambert promptly freaks out. a litany of “shit, shit, shit, sorry, shit, shit, shit,” echoes out as he scrambles to automatically press his hands against the wound to stem the bleeding. when regis grabs one of lambert’s wrists, promptly ready to give the man a stern talking-to (”haven’t you listened to a word i’ve said since we’ve met, lambert?”), lambert takes it as a sign that regis is, instead, desperately asking for help. he cuts off whatever regis was going to say by ridiculously trying to get regis to bite down on his exposed forearm, practically attempting to open the vampire’s jaw manually. regis, the chest wound now completely healed, pushes lambert’s arm away and sits up before launching into a full-on lecture. still, the gesture itself was appreciated tho and regis doesn’t forget it. 

[faierius]

Pyrexia Chapter Seven

“We tried that.”

“What about a Remedy?”

“We tried that, too.”

“Well, there's always—”

“We've tried every magical and medicinal treatment we can think of, Majesty. Nothing works.”

Regis folded his arms across his chest and stared at the doctor. The man stared back.

“What about not treating anything and letting his body sort it out?” Clarus suggested, speaking slowly as though he was talking to a child.

“Do you know how dangerous that is?” the doctor demanded, turning on Clarus. “His fever gets so high he could experience brain damage. We've barely been able to keep his temperature at safe levels as it is.”

“What has Mr. Scientia said?” Regis asked, unphased by the doctor's snippish tone. “Surely he has given some input?”

Clarus scoffed.

“He hasn't said much beyond make him healthy again.”

“How pragmatic of him,” Regis grumbled with a quirked brow.

As the men bickered, Noctis stood at his friend's bedside, watching the discomfort of illness play out on his sleeping face and wishing he could help. They had suspended Ignis' arms above the bed so he didn't burn anything else, and it looked uncomfortable. It had only been a few days, but Noctis didn't think anyone was washing Ignis, either. His skin had a greasy sheen, and oil made his hair dark and heavy. Even at thirteen, Ignis was a stickler for hygiene and appearance, and Noctis knew if Iggy found out about this, he'd be mortified and livid.

Flopping into the chair next to the bed, Noctis leaned his elbows on the mattress. “Why aren't you waking up?” he asked, reaching out to squeeze Ignis' dangling fingers. A tingle of magical energy flowed between the boys as soon as their skin touched. Noctis hissed a quiet breath through his teeth in surprise but didn't pull away. He could feel something happening, though he wasn't entirely sure what. It felt like a flower blossoming deep within him, it's vines unfurling, reaching toward a water source. His inherited magic reaching out to nurse the budding energy inside Ignis. Igniting him. Heat crept up his fingers, spreading through him, warming him from head to toe.

Eyes wide, Noctis stared at Ignis' closed lids, saw his expression relax, saw...comfort? wash over his body. What was going on here? The tingle was gone, and the palm of Ignis' hand was clammy. Beads of sweat popped up on the teen's forehead.

Noctis was shoved aside unceremoniously as the doctor came to observe the change registered on the monitors hooked to Ignis. Stumbling, the boy fell against his dad. He tilted his head back to look up at the man, brow creased in confusion. Regis' hand sat, warm and comforting, on his shoulder.

“What's going on, Doctor?”

“It would appear as though his fever broke. I'm not entirely sure how, as we haven't given him anything in the last four hours.”

“So his body just sorted it out on its own?” Clarus asked, a smug smirk settling on his face.

“Dad, I don't thi—”

Regis squeezed Noctis' arm. He raised his other hand, putting a finger to his lips to quiet his son. “Please let me know as soon as he wakes up. Clarus, I'll be spending the remainder of the day with my son. Why don't you have an evening at home with little Iris for a change?”

Brow twitching with quickly concealed confusion, Clarus bowed. “Of course, Your Majesty.”

Noctis cast a glance back at Ignis as his dad steered him from the room with a hand on his back. They walked in silence for quite some time, though halls toward seldom used elevators toward the rear of the Citadel. The elevator took them up to more, less populated halls, and eventually to a well maintained indoor garden. The glass dome overhead showed heavy clouds and falling snow.

“Dad, what's going on?” Noctis finally asked when they stopped to sit on a bench.

“You've learned how magic flows in the Lucis Caelum blood, yes?” Regis asked, glancing down at the boy next to him.

Noctis dipped his head in a nod.

“And you also know how it's possible for us to extend the use of that magic to a select few?”

“But I can't use magic like you,” Noctis mumbled, scuffing his shoe against the gravel path.

“Not yet, but it still flows in your veins, son. Not through any blessing of mine, but because of who you are. It seems Ignis has some of that energy in him as well. Not the same as you or I, but enough to show promise.”

“I don't get it...”

“Not only will Ignis serve as a good advisor and confidant for you in the future, but with magical skills, he may be an excellent guard as well.”

A scowl creased Noctis' brow. “I get that, but I don't get what this has to do with him being sick.”

Regis thought for a moment. “I'm no doctor, but if I had to guess, the shock of falling in the pond, combined with the stress his body is already under, sent his system into a frenzy. His dormant magical powers caused a build-up of energy his body didn't know how to deal with. When you held his hand, your energy calmed his.”

Noctis blinked up at the man, raising a skeptical eyebrow. “Really, dad? That sounds like something from a storybook.”

Regis shrugged, a sheepish grin highlighting the wrinkles around his eyes. “It very well may be, but I don't have a better answer for you,” he laughed, ruffling Noctis' hair.

“Dad!” whined Noctis, swatting the hand away.

“Whatever the boy is going through, a broken fever is a good sign. The Astrals have shown their blessing and he is, hopefully, on his way to health once again.” Regis pulled the boy to his side and hugged him. “He'll be okay, Noctis.”

While Noctis knew not even the King could guarantee Ignis' health, the man's words made him feel better.

***

“I always sorta guessed Iggy had some innate magical ability since he can pull out tricks like Sagefire. So puberty and a dunk in cold water woke it up in him?”

“Sounds stupid when you say it like that.”

“Wonder if the Scientia's are related to the Lucis Caelum's somewhere along the line.”

Noctis shrugged. “It's possible. Not everyone can go on to take the throne, after all.”

“True enough.” Gladio heaved a sigh, eyes locking on Ignis. The man was still clutching at the bedding, random bouts of shivering making him tense and curl up in the center of the mattress.

“You know you're making him more uncomfortable by staying away, right?”

Narrowing his eyes, Gladio glowered at Noctis. “What?”

“Just look at him. He was calm when you were there. Does he look calm now?”

“Uh-uh. You don't get to do that, Noctis.”

“Do what?”

“Guilt-trip me. You think I don't wanna be over there? You think I don't wanna be doing whatever I can to fix this? You think I don't wanna apologize for causing this? You aren't the only one who's allowed to worry about their boyfriend. If this was as easy as searching through caves like you had to do for Prompto, I wouldn't be sitting here like a useless piece of shit.” Clenching his teeth, Gladio balled his hands into fists and punched the arm of the chair.

Propping his chin on his fist, Noctis watched the mini-meltdown with a bored expression. He felt just a little bad for planting that seed, but he needed to see if Gladio's affections were more than skin deep. It wasn't as though he didn't trust the man to care properly and deeply for Ignis, but he had seen how short lived all of Gladio's previous relationships had been. He didn't want that to happen to his two oldest friends. Though Ignis was supposed to serve him, he was, for all intents and purposes, his brother. They were raised together, and Noctis didn't want to see him hurt. It was more Noctis' own selfish protectiveness than anything.

“Go, you idiot,” Noctis eventually grumbled, tired of watching the war on Gladio's face. His thick brows were so deeply furrowed, they were threatening to become one massive, caterpillar-y unibrow.

Gladio growled.

Noctis lolled his entire head with his eye roll. “Whatever. I'm gonna go see if Prom needs help. Stay here and beat yourself up.” Pushing himself to his feet, he headed for the door, kicking Gladio's foot on the way by.

When the door clicked shut, Gladio let out a heavy sigh and scrubbed a hand through his hair. He grit his teeth and wrinkled up his nose. One leg bounced in impatience. He sat there for a few minutes, watching Ignis. Five excruciating minutes ticked past before he couldn't handle the silence any longer and rose from his chair. He crossed to the bed and knelt on the floor beside it. He reached out, gently taking Ignis' hand and linking their fingers.

“Y'know, you've spent ninety percent of this new relationship unconscious. Doesn't exactly do good things for my ego, Iggy.” Gladio sighed, bringing Ignis' hand to his lips and kissing his knuckles. With his free hand, he pushed the man's limp bangs away from his face. “We need you, Ig'. I need you. You think I could take care of those two without you? No way. I swear to the Six, you've always been my saving grace. On days when Noct's apathy and Prompto's complaining gets to be too much even for me, I just look to you. Your calm, level-headedness keeps us from tearing each other's throats out. Well, keeps me from kicking their asses.” He laughed derisively.

Ignis sighed.

“Dammit. This is all crap I should be saying to your face while you're conscious. But I'm a coward when it comes to this shit. Times like this I envy Prompto's earnest personality.”

Groaning low in his throat, Gladio leaned forward and rest his forehead on Ignis' shoulder. He sat like that for a moment before his back began to ache. Getting up, Gladio never released Ignis' hand as he climbed onto the bed next to him. Stretching out, he gently repositioned Ignis to cradle him against his chest. Once again he was holding the man, waiting for him to regain consciousness.

“This sucks,” Gladio sighed, flopping his head back against the pillow.

***

Noctis scratched the back of his head, staring at the scuffed wooden slats beneath his feet. He hadn't been able to hear every word, but he picked up enough to realize he should never have doubted Gladio. The guy was stupidly in love with Ignis, even if he couldn't show it properly until he thought no one would notice. He couldn't blame him for that, though. He was the same with Prompto.

Shaking his head, Noctis went to find the only member of their team who was doing actual work.

[theconservativebrief]

Elon Musk personifies the modern cult-of-personality CEO style. His social media posts are unfiltered, he gets into public scuffles with his critics, and he has a loyal band of followers that defend his every move, often attacking Musk’s detractors. But Musk has nothing on Brandon Truaxe, the founder and CEO — though he likes to say his official title is “worker” — of Deciem, one of the buzziest skin care companies on the planet right now.

The unconventional beauty brand founder’s exploits have been followed rabidly by those both interested in incredibly affordable skin care and those who just love messy gossip. As Deciem’s sub-brand The Ordinary gains popularity for its $9 acids, its founder gains notoriety for his incendiary and even offensive Instagram presence. He’s used the platform to insult fans, cancel partnerships, and even posted a photo of an impoverished-looking New Yorker in front of one of the brand’s stores.

In a video on Deciem’s Instagram on Monday, Truaxe said: “This is the final post of Deciem. … We will shut down all operations until further notice, which will be about two months. Please take me seriously.” The location of the video was tagged as the White House. He went on to say, “Almost everyone at Deciem has been involved in major criminal activity, which includes financial crimes.”

The largely incoherent message was paired with a long, rambling caption in which he called out many in the company’s inner circle, then went on to name hotels, restaurants, other cosmetic companies, “so many porn ‘studios,’” Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Tom Ford, Mark Zuckerberg, Donald Trump, Richard Branson, Tim Cooke, and Leonard Lauder, the patriarch of the Estée Lauder company.

View this post on Instagram

Without filters. A revolution is coming. Every one of you who has been laughing aT me will with certainty face criminal prosecution. Estée Lauder Companies Inc. has been the biggest stock promotion. Richard Duntas, Bernard Ass (LVMH), Marica “Tracy” (Bliss, Remedè, Soaper Due Per Shoe), Hyatt (Grand Hyatt, Andaz, er al), Marriott (St. Regis, W, Marriot, et al), So many porn “studios”, nearly all @deciem employees, most of “Hollywood”, Gill Sinclair, India Knight, Caroline Hirons, India Knight, RBC, BMO, Boots, KKR, most of the Lauder family, Estée Lauder Companies Inc., Karim Kanji, Antonio Tadrisi, DF Mc, LVMH, Dia Fooley, Michael Davidson, Hanif, Zark Fatah, Inditex (Zara, Massimo Dutti, etc), H&M, $100 monkey, Too Faced (founders too), TSG, Alshaya, Amanresorts, Erwin Zecha, Oliver Zecha, Steven R Riddle, the Coc and Corcky managers, PRIDE organizers, IT Cosmetics, Nicola L ReadingTons, all of Dishoom, All of Delaunay, David Yurman, Tom Ford, Tim Cooke. McKesson, Rexall, Jamin Asaria, David Jackson, York Heritage and others — sentencing doesn’t begin with any point but sentences like this one do. Ben Affleck, Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Michael Less, Stephen Spellberg e.T., AON are also included with certainty. ARGO stood for “Ali Roshan GO”. You idiots. Father, please please be safe if you can for the next few hours. I love you all. -Brandon (RIYADH, please be EXTREMELY CAREFUL in the next few hours). Aurora (TSX) : you are finished. Michael Basler, Gordon Wilde, David Trinder, Eric Jacobs, Allan Gerlings, Dalton Pharma SS, Michael OH CON ELLE, Charm IS T A 007, Robert Jones, Cascade, Prince Al Walid, The White Company, Obagi (brand and doctor), Freedom Health, ESHO-isT, Alexandru Serban and baggage, Apotex: Goodbye also. Peace is coming. . It’s clear now. @esteelaudercompanies @richardbranson @realdonaldtrump @gowlingwlg_ca @zuck @musicianjessecook, et. al.

A post shared by THE ABNORMAL BEAUTY COMPANY (@deciem) on Oct 8, 2018 at 5:41am PDT

This post has been covered and analyzed everywhere from Allure to Buzzfeed, but it’s par for the course for Truaxe, who has given fans reasons to worry about his emotional state before. He posts on the brand’s official Instagram page himself — the rest of the social media team consists of one employee who responds to product usage questions — and has a history of posting confusing and sometimes concerning messages.

Truaxe has not hesitated to attack commenters who question him on the brand’s page. This behavior has led fans and critics to question his mental health and the health of the company, as well as speculate that the social media theatrics are actually just savvy marketing. But what is really going on?

Before we get into the events of this week, here’s a primer: Truaxe founded Deciem in 2013 and launched 10 sub-brands simultaneously — including hair care, supplements, and a men’s grooming line — which is pretty much unheard of in the beauty industry. His company, based in Toronto, also makes its own products, instead of contracting outside manufacturers, which is how most beauty brands work. Deciem employs about 800 people and has more than two dozen stores worldwide. Tagline: “The Abnormal Beauty Company.”

Truaxe is a computer programmer by trade, but he co-founded a high-end line of skincare called Euoko in 2008. One product cost $700, according to an article published in W magazine at the time. He then exited that brand and founded Indeed Labs, another Canadian beauty company. He left that under “angry” conditions and with a non-compete agreement, according to an interview in 2016 with Cosmetics Business. “A combination of passion for bringing credibility to the functional beauty business and the revenge overly due to Indeed Labs led to the formation of Deciem,” he told the publication.

Deciem really took off after the company launched skin care brand the Ordinary in 2016. The line features exceptionally affordable skin care featuring well-studied ingredients that have been used in skin care for decades, like vitamin C, retinol, hyaluronic acid, and others. Most are in simple dropper bottles, and the formulas aren’t fancy; they often smell weird or have gritty textures. But the line took off because the price is cheaper than anything on the market, including products you can find at a drugstore.

A simple glycolic face acid costs less than $9; an equivalent at Sephora or Ulta can cost upward of $20. The Ordinary launched at a time when people were getting interested in and purchasing skin care in a way we haven’t seen in years. The Ordinary’s accessibility contributed to a democratization of sorts. Really effective skin care had previously been in the purview of those who could afford pricey products.

According to Truaxe, the brand has done about $300 million in sales. Beauty conglomerate Estée Lauder has a 28 percent minority share in the company, an association that has given the indie brand credibility but invited scrutiny. Truaxe has always been described as quirky in early interviews, but things started to get weirder at the beginning of 2018 when he started posting very personal and even bizarre messages on the brand’s official Instagram account.

In January, Truaxe officially announced he was taking over the brand’s Instagram page. His first order of business was to pick a fight with another indie brand, Drunk Elephant, by suggesting its marula oil was too expensive. He apologized. After that came a series of pictures of garbage and increasingly more personal posts. He also appeared to be communicating with his team via Instagram. Redditors then discovered Glassdoor reviews suggesting that the company was not a great place to work.

In February, Truaxe took to Instagram to broadcast that the company would no longer be producing Esho, a brand of lip products made in collaboration with a UK plastic surgeon, Dr. Tijion Esho. Truaxe unceremoniously announced this on Instagram, allegedly without alerting Esho himself that it would be happening. (Esho is tagged in this week’s Instagram post as well.) It led to an almost year-long legal battle between the two.

Esho told Vox that he secured trademark and other rights to the Esho brand, as well as payment he was owed, with the help of Deciem’s Nicola Kilner.

Kilner is an important part of the brand story. She joined Deciem early from UK drugstore brand Boots and had been integral to its growth; at one point her title was “co-CEO.” She was largely seen as the calm and moderating force in the company. But Truaxe fired her in February after a confusing string of events that culminated in Truaxe questioning her loyalty to him.

An experienced CFO, Stephen Kaplan, who had only been there about six months, quit around the same time in protest. Kilner was given two years of severance pay. She gave an interview to Elle magazine a few months after her firing, in which she seemed reluctant to say anything negative about Truaxe or Deciem. “Talking to Kilner is a bit like talking to someone rescued from a cult against her will,” wrote Carrie Battan in the article. This summer, Kilner was rehired at the company. (She has not responded to Vox’s request for comment.)

Following the ESHO posts, a Racked investigation, prompted in part by the negative Glassdoor reviews, revealed allegations by several employees of verbal abuse and other misconduct by Truaxe and others in management positions. It was generally acknowledged, including by those working at the company, that the leadership was disorganized, with people changing roles and job titles frequently.

But the brand was growing, opening a rash of new stores (including the one in which the indigent person camped out in front or prompting Truaxe to say, “This person is disrespectful to the beauty of the library; he is disrespectful to the beauty of Fifth Avenue”). During this period, the brand got picked up by Sephora and even got a shout out from Kim Kardashian, who was apparently a fan.

Since these flare ups, Truaxe has been likened to Donald Trump by fans. He picked a fight with Cosmetics Business when it reported on these comparisons. He’s angrily lashed out at fans on social media who have questioned his methods, expressed concern about his increasingly incoherent posts, or called him out for his sometimes brash communication style. He would often highlight retorts to them in Instagram Stories on the brand’s official page, which occasionally led to fans attacking those critics on social media.

“Anyone who insults me, I’ll insult back. Look, if someone drops a bomb on my house I will at least knock and maybe pee on theirs,” he told me in the summer in a previously unpublished conversation, when I asked him about angering his followers by insulting them.

Some of these events seem to have affected his relationship with retailers. Sephora carried The Ordinary for a short time online, then it disappeared. Truaxe had suggested that Ulta was going to carry the line, but that has not materialized. Victoria Health, a UK based site (and one of the first to carry The Ordinary) dropped it recently and started stocking a competitor brand, Garden of Wisdom; Truaxe took to Deciem’s Instagram to post unflattering photos of the site’s founder. He publicly announced, via a shared email on the platform, that he would no longer be supplying product to indie beauty e-commerce site Beautylish. (German retailer Douglas recently started stocking Deciem, and the company has over a dozen freestanding stores in the US, the UK, Canada, Australia, Europe, and South Korea.)

Truaxe has also publicly called out his minority investor, Estée Lauder, a large and powerful company that has always controlled its image very tightly. He’s published emails from Leonard Lauder and other Lauder executives, airing dirty laundry like the fact that the company supposedly wouldn’t allow an artisan who tiles its stores to post her work on social media. (The woman’s family ultimately was upset at Truaxe for that post.) The company is mentioned in this week’s Instagram post as well. In a statement to Vox, a representative for the company wrote: “The Estée Lauder Companies is a minority investor in Deciem, and, as such, we do not control the company’s operations, social media or personnel decisions.”

(There’s so much more. You can read more of my old reporting here, and Elle also has a helpful timeline of events.)

Now we are back to the “financial crimes” Truaxe mentioned this week on Instagram. In the video, he announced that the company would close down. For a while, Deciem’s homepage was a black screen with a small green pi symbol in the center. Individual brand pages, such as for The Ordinary, could still be accessed. As of publication time, the site is up and running.

According to an email leaked to Cosmopolitan UK, Truaxe ordered all the London stores except one to be closed until February 2019, accompanied by a warning that those not following instructions would be “terminated tomorrow.” No one answered phones at any of the London stores, the Miami store, or the Seoul store. (Truaxe and multiple others in the company did not respond to a request for comment.)

At the Amsterdam store, an apologetic woman who spoke English answered and said her boss told her to close the branch for two weeks, “but I don’t know why.” The Nolita store in New York City was open, but others in the city did not answer the phone. Communication obtained by a source close to Deciem suggested that there was confusion behind the scenes and that more of the New York City locations would eventually be opened. The Toronto stores were closed yesterday, per social media reports, but it was Canadian Thanksgiving. The Canadian stores did not answer their phones today.

All over social media and in the Deciem Facebook chat room, customers have reported placing online orders successfully.

This is not the first time Truaxe has alluded to financial wrongdoings at the company. He’s posted increasingly disturbing videos, including one now-deleted post from a hotel in the UK in which he asked for his followers to call the police because he was worried for his safety. He once sent an email to all his employees stating he was “done” with Deciem.

During the summer, I spoke to Truaxe both on the phone and in person in previously unpublished interviews about some of these incidents, especially the insinuations that there were financial “crimes” at the company. He was vague, saying “authorities” were involved. He also suggested that he was served a lawsuit by his former Euoko partner and current Deciem minority stakeholder Pasquale Cusano, who did not respond to calls and emails. Truaxe sounded lucid during the in-person conversation, though he tends to speak quickly and occasionally rambles.

“I found things I don’t like in my company,” Truaxe said at the time. He would not offer more details when pressed. “Unless things are cleaned up, I won’t stay.”

Truaxe’s suggestion on Instagram this week that the company may shut down led to a bit of panic among customers and fans, as it has done on multiple other occasions when his behavior on Instagram has seemed erratic. The CBC, which ran a report on the company in July, spoke to a marketing expert who suggested that it might be a purposeful tactic to get customers to buy products in bulk. If it was premeditated, it’s working, if social media is any indication — though some are calling it a stunt:

this whole Deciem thing must be a next level PR activation stunt. ppl will go mad for the products and sell out the entire stock

— (@thelonelyldnr) October 9, 2018

Truaxe truly seems to run his company by the seat of his pants, and doesn’t really seem to be concerned about who he angers or worries along the way. A blog post about Truaxe’s drama as a CEO on Strategy + Business in July noted, “Chaos is not a business strategy.” But it seems to be working fine for Deciem so far. The company has opened two new factories and several new stores, as well as launched a variety of new products over the last six months. But shutting down stores, which he sporadically seems to have done this week, will cost the company revenue and also possibly cost employees their pay.

The parallels between Brandon Truaxe and Elon Musk are there. Musk’s problematic tweets have opened him up to federal probes and caused him to step down as chairman of Tesla. But the sheer force of his personality and perceived genius are allowing him to stay on as CEO. So far, Deciem is telling a similar story.

Want more stories from The Goods by Vox? Sign up for our newsletter here.

Original Source -> Deciem’s Brandon Truaxe: the world’s most controversial beauty CEO, explained

via The Conservative Brief

[thisislizheather]

July Jiffs

Summer is finally half over!

One more filthy month to go before the best time of the year! Here were the highlights of July:

So you know how much I love the banana pudding from Magnolia already, but what you don't know is that it's probably my favourite summer dessert to make and bring to parties because people go fucking nuts for it. So for July 4th this year I made it, but I also bought some Coffee Crisp chocolate bars to Canadian it up (if you're in the U.S. then you can buy them in the international foods section at Bed Bath & Beyond), then dumped those bars into a food processor to make a COFFEE CRISP CRUMBLE TO GO ATOP THE BANANA PUDDING. And it was heaven.

I ate some of the best fish tacos in NYC at Tacoway Beach in Rockaway near the beach. They're crazy simple but so good, I try to get them once a year so I never grow sick of them. Tip: definitely skip the black bean tacos AND the elote because they are both wildly unpleasing.

I made this Sweet Potato Gnocchi in Spinach Cream Sauce but full disclosure: I bought the sweet potato gnocchi already put together at Trader Joe's, and then just made the sauce from the recipe and it still tasted amazing. There's something I'll never like about buying frozen food from Trader Joe's (I feel like I haven't completely given up on life yet?), but this gnocchi is the exception (this and their cauliflower pizza crust). Will definitely be keeping this one in the food rotation because it was delicious as hell.

I read two books this month and I refuse to stop saying that out loud to people, but I guess I have to move on since it's August soon, so that sucks. The Simpsons one I read was great and the Ijeoma Oluo one was even better!

I did start to read Steve Martin's Born Standing Up and wow was it dull. Don't get me wrong, I think Steve Martin is great. But I read about half of it before collapsing in extreme dissatisfaction. IT'S SO BORING. Why do people think that it's such a good book? Famous comedians will gleefully prattle on about how great it is to one another, which is why I wanted to read it in the first place, so this just doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I was going to just suck it up and keep going until I asked Nathan if it got any better and he very politely told me that it did not. Can someone tell me why it's supposed to be so good? It shoulda been called Bore Standing Up! Okay, that's not a good joke, I know, but it's better than WHAT'S GOING ON INSIDE THIS BOOK.

I tried the frozen Irish coffee at Passage in Astoria finally and... it was great! Duh.

I watched Hannah Gadsby's Nanette on Netflix and didn't really care for it for the first half. The only reason I kept watching was because a friend of mine echoed the same thoughts of the beginning not being good but it getting good the second half. And she was completely right because the second half was powerful as hell. My real thoughts are just a general annoyance at people who plainly say, "It isn't standup." And maybe my opinion on this matters in no way since I'm not a comedian, but it just bothers me that there's this weird line of what standup should or shouldn't be, as if the idea of anything more being said with no punchline isn't worthy enough for the untouchable standup stage. She's a comedian! She said jokes! She also had more to say, which is great. Especially with what's going on in the world right now, it seems weird to purposely not want to comment on that and focus solely on what a comedian "is supposed to do." That idea just seems strange to me.

Nathan and I went to a wedding and it was fun and we looked great. Proof!

I saw a bunch of movies.

Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation (in theatres) - I mean, a Macarena joke made me laugh so it obviously wasn't a good movie, but some of the kids had a good time so that makes it a success.

Can't Buy Me Love (Netflix) - I'd never seen it and it's a terrible eighties movie so I kind of needed to all of a sudden. Also it was on a list of things leaving Netflix in August so I suddenly felt the urge to grab on tightly before letting it go off into the distance? That's normal?

Girls Trip (HBOGO) - I have no idea why the urge to see this movie happened inside of me. It actually wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. Not good, but not horrendous.

Ibiza (Netflix) - I guess I've been having real moments lately where I've just been missing certain groups of friends and watching these ridiculous movies puts me at ease a bit maybe? I don't know, let's not analyze it. Oh! The music from this one was really great, though. Also, Gillian Jacobs' eyes are so ginormous, I'm always shocked that men aren't looking for a woman with huge eyes instead of a huge ass or boobs, makes no fucking sense to me. Her eyes are insane!

Obvious Child (Netflix) - Jenny Slate can do no wrong and of course this movie was great. Other than all the cringe-inducing standup scenes (that are supposed to be cringe-inducing, I'm assuming), it was just a nice movie. The music from this one was pretty great, too.

I tried the new Crispy Chicken at Swiss Chalet and it was really tasty because of course it was, anything fried is most likely amazing. It's funny to me that they're not just calling it fried chicken. Obviously it's purposeful too, like they're thinking that if they did call it fried chicken it'd sound too Americanized or something. That's definitely something they thought. "No, calling it Crispy Chicken just makes it seem healthier, like it was just slightly dunked into hot, frying oil and not, like, submerged for hours."

I've had an iPhone 5 for three years and the battery had gone completely to shit (ie. dying at 80%) a few weeks ago, so I took it to Mobile Klinik (outside of Wal-Mart on the first floor of Square One in Mississauga) and they replaced the battery for me within an hour and it only cost me $60 and now it's been working amazingly. They were super nice and it came with a one year warranty, so definitely keep this in mind if you're ever in need of their services. 

The only thing I've ever eaten at Dominique Ansel Kitchen was the burrata soft serve ice cream from a few years ago, but I stopped by recently and had the cold pear yogurt and hot toasted granola and maaaaaaan why can't the version I make at home taste as good as theirs. WHY.

A friend told me about this great site Zaful that has gorgeous swimsuits for crazy cheap and are actually good quality. Are you even kidding me with how gorgeous those marbled ones look?!

Tried the soft serve at Tom's Dairy Freeze in Etobicoke finally and it was goooooood because all ice cream is good.

I went to see the Scarborough Bluffs with Marla and some of my nieces and it's such a beautiful place. So glad we went.

It's Restaurant Week in New York right now (it actually lasts a few weeks), so I'm hoping to eat at some places I've always wanted to go to. So far I've only gone to Astor Court inside the St. Regis hotel, but it was so, so good. Here's what I had.

And that was July!

I'm a little shocked that I'm still keeping up with these monthly posts, here are the ones from May & June if you'd care to read about them.

[mechagalaxy]

Initiation

 The god machines bestrode the worlds of mankind like avatars of humanities spirit.  Towering the height of buildings, with power equal to that of a small city, or starship, they carried weapons capable of leveling city blocks, or extinguishing a company of conventional tanks, or wing of aerospace fighters at a single salvo of its weapons.

 The mecha wore the shape of armoured men, or hunting beasts, the hundred spirits of mankinds inner demons or holy guardians, or just the eternal hunger for war that beat inside the breasts of the most civilized of men or demure of women.  The god-machines were the highest expression of the machine cult of Cogwork, a divine blend of niode based AI and human pilots.

 The days of looking at the Forerunners as the great masters of mecha were done.  Humanity had surpassed the classical limits of ninety tons, and pushed beyond the limits the mecha-renegade Drocha established of one hundred tons.  Humanity now produced the Charon, and Revenant.

 Giaus Octavian had been a tech with the Spirit of Bunny, and his great work was the Revenant Antillar Maximus.  The machine was the very epitome of the god-machines.  Black armour plates housed a blazing machine spirit that lit if from within, a spirit of such raw power that only the greatest mind could merge with it. Five pilots attempted to bond the machine when it was new.  Four pilots were consumed, attempting to master the storm of the machine spirits power. One hundred and five tons of niode driven rage were too much for most minds to bend to their will, the struggle for dominance was one that caused the first four pilots to burn into brain wrecked corpses.  The fifth was a mistake.  The pure discipline of the machine cult was not found in Max.  He was a warrior of renown, a pilot of Dreadnoughts that had delighted in facing Reaper cannon for cannon, hunted Regis and Boreas with laughing unconcern.  He bled a lot, drank a lot, and missed bed check (or was found unexpectedly in someone else’s) frequently.  He was a disgrace to just about any standard of military protocol, or religious doctrine, especially the somewhat stodgy Cogwork cult. Giaus had watched Max join with the first Revenant, and watched him not attempt to bind the storm winds that raged within the god-machine, but ride the tempest laughing, master it not by suppressing it, but by leaping ahead of it, and daring it to follow.  Antillar Maximus was born, the first Spirit of Bunny Revenant. Giaus had been his chief technician, and had watched the pairing of man and god machine, the Princeps Max and his god-machine becoming a pairing that moved with the grace a cat like Smilodon would envy, and struck with precision a Reaper would beg to possess.

 Giaus Octavian had been building his skills piloting Max’s old Dreadnought, the prize mecha from Faction War 1.  Through his training with the older god-machine he had begun to get not only a sense of how to control the powerful machines shields, sensors, weapons, and internal repair protocols, but a greater sense of how to work with the AI, rather than simply force it into obedience. A novice pilot in an experienced god-machine, he allowed the Dreadnought to teach him about his own flesh body instincts, about how the endless hours of real life combat training and martial arts prepared his meat body and primitive endocrine system to become the missing component in the god-machine’s battle persona.  The AI running the great mecha were powerful beyond all belief, but they were lost in the sea of data, in the very fullness of their power they were helpless. Powered automatons had existed for centuries, and they were so much meat for the manned units that stalked the killing fields of war, as the finest of the machines lacked the ability to act without thinking, lacked the ability to ever beat the statistics.  The Cogwork cult taught of the purity of the union of man and machine, the single spirit formed from two souls of the niode based AI and the animal fleshed pilot.  Now Giaus understood why.

 The Dreadnought filtered its data through Giaus, and instinctively he switched from feed awareness to impressions.  No longer were targeting auspexes a data of emissions signatures/detection thresholds read in graphs flashing too fast for thought, but they were the instinctive threat that had his “body” responding, triggering response cascades from the god-machine that configured shields, powered shifts in the chassis, deployed ECM lures and active jamming.  His animal brain allowed the establishment of machine AI reflexes that made the greatest machines more nimble than a hunting cat.

 Today was the day he took the greatest challenge.  The last war had won for the Spirit of Bunny a twin to Antillar Maximus, a second Revenant. This machine was already potentiated to fifty, far stronger while unbonded than Max had faced.  This machine was stronger, more wilful than Antillar Maximus had been when Max joined it.  Would he be ready?  Would he be a Princeps?  A mecha pilot, one half of a god machine pilot pair, or just another “electric chicken” dancing his last on the end of his cerebral jackplug as the powerful AI fried his meat brain with the fury of its rejection? Max had told him to wear some freaky underwear under his pilot jumpsuit so if he fried he would at least make the clean up crew freak out.  Giaus had NO intention of asking Max what he had worn.  He did however take the time in front of the mirror to paint his chest with “Still prettier than you”, and his ass cheeks with “Do not enter”.  He supposed that would count for bold enough for any bunny pilot.

 Incense burned and holy oils anointed the joints of the Revenant as he approached.  Chanting of the techs as he went to initiate the first union with the Revenant calmed him as he approached. When the god machine awoke for the first time, it was intensely traumatic for the AI, and the first pilot to join with it would forever mark the machine’s interaction with humanity. A first rejection made the machines into pilot killers, and each subsequent rejection raised the odds against succeeding pilots.  It was rather less than one in a million who could be a fifth pilot after four failures, so Giaus had no intention of doing the dance of the electric chicken today. Max was smirking as he leaned against the cockpit ledge.  He had in his pocket what Giaus had requested.

 “Are you sure about this little brother?”  Max had joked that if Giaus pulled this off, they would be brothers of the Mecha, twins joined by their twinned machines.  He tapped the flask in his pocket, the forbidden, but frequently found alcohol had no place on any sane initiation day, but the Bunnies were not wedded to sanity.   Giaus nodded, and accepted the flask.  He unscrewed the cap, and breathed in the heady aroma of the amasec.  Stronger than the general preference for mead, it couldn’t quite take the bluing off a breach block, but it could remove carbon build up from power shunts, and clear burned coolant off jammed valves.  Go big or go home, and with a hundred and five ton mecha, he was planning to go big.  Filling his mouth with the burn of amasec, he leaned forward for Max to jack the mecha’s control cable into Giaus’s pilot implant.

 CONNECTION

FURY/CONFUSION/RAGE

 The AI was powerful beyond anything the Dreadnought had prepared him for, the feedback through his body was more than he could take.  Reflexively he swallowed, and the burn of Amasec filled his stomach. Eternity screaming in pain as white fire burned down his synapses as unfiltered and unbuffered imput blasted his systems. He felt the powering up of his pseudomyomer musculature, the powerful piston augmentors and magnetics filling the machine with movement potential, even as its fury and confusion paralyzed it. Years of screaming agony passed in seconds.

 A warm wash of alcohol flooded his brain as the high test Amasec hit his frying wet ware like a computer reset subroutine.

 [WHAT WAS THAT] screamed the panicking AI

 {that was the good stuff, please, a little less power on the feed. If I die, I swear by the machine gods that I will pee all over your cockpit, and the smell will be with you forever}

 The panic of the Revenant’s AI lessened as the awareness of OTHER filled it.  Seeking now it opened its awareness to the second intelligence joined to it.  As the channels opened, Giaus instinctively suppressed the confusion as his own brain took over balance, body awareness, situational awareness, external communication, and threat analysis.

 The AI no longer drowning in information overload, its own processors began to work on refining the data stream, focusing sensors and providing the matchless computational power of the Revenant to anything the pilots intelligence focused on for even a microsecond.

 Giaus took a second sip of Amasec, and the alcohol washed through him, cleansing the last of the panic from his system.  He let his simple uncomplicated joy fill his mind, and he felt the machine drink it deep.

 Sending the command to rise, he let the god-machine see how his meat reflexes could allow the machine to borrow his meat body’s own reflexes to turn the ten thousand commands involved in bringing one hundred and five tons of killing machine from sitting to standing into a single thoughtless and effortless action.  New protocols flowered within the machine AI as he drank deep of his pilots knowledge.  New engrams began chemically burning themselves into the pilots brain as he learned the ways of his new self.

 Moving forward, the god-machine stalked out of the bay, sensors drinking in the rich electronic spoor of the range.  Threat/Detection icons flashed, and powerful weapons powered up as a battery of Man Of War rays preheated on the weapon arms and torso of the god/machine.

 {will you join with me, will you go to war with me, from the fire of battle to the dark of death, will you be with me?}  Giaus asked, because the best pairing were partnerships, not slave/master relationships.

 [YES!]  This time the roar caused glorious pain in Giaus, and he answered with his own snarling roar.

 {who are we?}

[I/WE ARE ANTILLUS CRASSUS]

 A scream of primal joy sounded as the next god-machine of the Spirit of Bunny finished its initiation. The flash of a blue Man of War Ray burned brighter than the sunlight, and struck harder than lighting.  The combat drone exploded as thousands of points of damage hammered past its shields and shattered its carapace like a hammer on a tea cup.

 A new mecha and pilot strode the fields of Mecha Galaxy, ready to join in the wars that gave both men and machines a purpose.  

 John T Mainer 28840