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fieldofdaisiies · 6 months

Text

Alone

ship: Theodore Nott x Hufflepuff!Reader type: angst/fluff word count: 2,6k words warnings: mentions of racist parents, awful parent child relationship, talk of war and Death Eaters summary: Y/N and Theo are childhood friends, when she receives a howler from her mother that breaks her, he is there for her. (I'll blame @azrielscrown for her amazing Theo stories and hence making me want to write about him, and also @moonlightazriel for the tiktok videos she sent me hahaha)

It is quiet. So very quiet. All of a sudden everyone stops talking. There aren’t even any hushed whispers. Nothing.

It is so quite that one could hear a needle drop.

So quiet that even the mice in the smallest nooks and corners of the castle could hear your mother’s voice blaring out of the howler that has just unfolded itself in front of you. Its tongue poking out, the howler spats the exact same words your mother shouted into it in your family manor.

The words drip with venom. Disdain and disappointment lace every spoken syllable.

Your blood runs cold, your chin quivering, as you watch and listen in absolute shock. Your whole body has gone rigid, you don't even dare turn to glance around, not wanting to see the either mocking or pitiful looks of your school mates.

How would she know? How does she know? And why is she so mad?

It was just a school project, not your decision to spend time with him. You had to spend time with Harry Potter — it was for a Potions project, preparing a recipe, trying it out and then presenting it in class. It was project where you were assigned partners. A project where you were forced to spend time together. And even if you don't hate Harry, you would not have chosen to do the project. But you had no choice.

'The shame you brought upon this family by being sorted into Hufflepuff.'

There is a pause, and it is so long, so dreadful, so painful, and you just hope the letter won’t continue talking. Maybe it is over and the letter will just rip itself into shreds — the same shreds your heart has been ripped into when the letter started howling.

Or maybe a hole in the ground will open, and swallow you wholly? A ghost will appear and take you with him? A giant will crash both you and the letter?

But your prayers are ignored. Of course they are…

'And now, now you are doing partner work with him? Spending your free afternoons with him? What comes next? Dating a Muggle? Marrying one?'

'Y/N Y/L/N, in this house I allow none of that!'

Your best friend slides her hand into your cold one, squeezing it tightly. She is the purest and kindest soul Hufflepuff house has ever seen and in this very moment you are more grateful to have her than ever before. She somehow grounds you, stops your body from shaking or convulsing fully.

'I am deeply disappointed. So very much. What you do to this family, the shame you bring upon us.'

That’s how the letter ends. No well wishes, no goodbye, no I love you, no motherly love. Nothing.

You are shocked, sad, embarrassed — feeling too much. Too many emotions. Your heart can’t take them, can’t deal with them all at once and you know you have to leave, get away, escape. Cry. And be alone.

You need to get out of the Great Hall. And that right now.

You know your friends want to support you, comfort you, but sometimes you just need to be alone.

Your voice sounds choked, throat constricted, as you climb over the bench, the howler still in pieces on the table.

"I am sorry, I need to be alone now." You run, weaving your way through the pupils crowded in the Great Hall and the corridors outside. Tears start to burn behind your eyes, clouding your vision and your throat starts to burn.

You run, run until your feet ache, slumping down on the ground, sliding down the ball. And then the damn breaks. Hot, burning tears rolling down your cheeks, as one ragged sob after the other leaves you.

It hurts so much, growing up in a family like this. It is so painful. Your mother's words, laced with venom, still reverberate through your mind, loud and awful, filling every fibre of your being. A cool shiver makes its way down your spine, making you shiver.

You draw in a deep inhale, your breathing shaky, lower lip quivering. Closing your eyes, you let your head rest against the wall, replaying every single word she said to you.

The eerie silence of the corridor and your calm sobs are suddenly interrupted by the faint echo of footsteps nearing. You have no time to make guesses who it could be, finding you sitting behind a corner, back pressed against the wall to almost become invisible.

"Are you…alright?"

It is strange seeing him like this. He is always so confident, so cocky, arrogant, silver-tongued. And not so…reserved, and at a loss for words. Your desperate state has probably shocked him, you think, trying to hold his gaze, but the tears are coming back again.

"I am…fine," you croak, the lie in your voice louder than the Howler you received earlier.

Theo breathes out a cold chuckle. "That was the worst lie I've ever heard, Y/N."

His voice is flat, his expression stoic. He just looks at you, his normally confident demeanour nowhere in sight. "And I thought you Hufflepuffs are those goody-two-shoes who never lie."

You watch how the corner of his mouth tips upwards, but only shortly. He quickly presses his lips in a thin line, something he has always done when thinking deeply. A crease appears on his forehead, eyes solely focused on you.

You have known Theo basically since the day you were born. He is two months older than you, both of you coming from noble pureblood families, your father's had once been good friends, are still probably, but you don't really know. When you were placed in Hufflepuff…things changed.

Also the friendship with Theo changed. He got distanced, you did too. Being friends with him was somehow no longer possible, and still isn't. You are not rude towards each other, he also always stayed out when the Slytherins mocked you and your housemates, but he has also never sought you out to spend time with you…and neither did you.

You have been growing apart and this is alright — some friendships are not forever. Or at least that is what you always tell yourself.

"I…I just had to get out."

He nods, slowly, and in understanding. "I always come here when I want to be alone."

"Yes, that is why I am here, I want to be alone." You hope he gets the memo…that you want to be alone. Fully alone.

Not deigning him another look, you bury your face in your hands again, knees pulled up to your chest. It is not in your nature to be rude to anyone, but…

"I know I should probably leave…" But he moves closer.

"I heard what the howler said and I don’t really want to—"

"Everyone heard what the Howler said." A humourless chuckle escapes you and you lift your head. Theo is already looking at you, his eyes, meeting your red and puffy ones. Pain flashes in his eyes, bright and stark and you feel yourself shiver.

He nods slowly, almost like he wants to tell you it is not the truth, hoping it will ease the pain and discomfort a little, but he says nothing. And that for a long moment. Until—

He closes the distance between the two of you, claiming the spot on the ground beside you.

"I am sorry," he says, stretching out his long legs and leaning his head against the stone wall behind him. "I am so sorry for what she said and that everyone had to hear."

"It is not your fault, you don't have to apologise." You furrow your brows as you turn to look at him.

His eyes are filled with concern. You can still feel the embarrassment, the way the entire hall had turned to watch as the red envelope exploded in a blaze of your mother's fury and rage. Everyone became witness to your misery…

You swallow hard, trying to push the memory aside, but it lingers like an illness that just won't get better.

"Y/N," Theo says, his voice softer than what you are used to. "I can't believe she sent you this letter…"

"Howler," you correct him, wearing a forced smile.

The corner of his mouth curls up, and he casually runs a hand through his hair. "Indeed, a Howler, you smartass."

You chuckle, and playfully nudge him with your elbow. But then you shake your head, take a deep breath and shrug."You know how she is. Always expecting more, always disappointed in me."

Theo reaches out, his hand brushing gently against yours. He does not take your hand into his, just rests it next to yours on the ground, your pinkies touching. "You don't have to listen to her, Y/N. You're so much more than what she thinks of you."

You draw in a shaky breath, thankful about his presence.

Funny, you think. You would not have thought that exactly his presence would bring you so much comfort now. You had wanted to be alone just moments before, but talking to him feels somehow good. "Thank you," you say.

He smiles. "Of course." But he does not look away, keeps holding your gaze, his hand shifting the tiniest bit, his pinkie finger now placed on top of yours.

The dimly lit sconces cast eerie flickers of light upon the stone walls, and also on you two. His lashes look longer in this light, casting shadows across his cheeks, his eyes looking so much deeper. And soon you realise you are staring at him.

It feels like he leans closer, but you could also be mistaken.. And yet, his presence wraps around you, like a gentle embrace or a warm winter coat. And, with his voice barely above a whisper, Theo says. "You deserve so much better than this."

Tears glisten in your eyes once more. His gaze is intense, filled with an emotion you have not really seen on him before. "Thank you for being here for me."

"I am your friend, of course I am."

Your expression must have given you away.

He huffs, and lowers his chin to his chest. "Well, at least I hope we are still friends…"

For a long moment silence stretches out between you because first of all, you did not expect that statement and secondly, you don't know how to answer.

Are you really friends? Still?

You’ve doubted it in the past years, you’ve never talked to each other, unless you had to do so in class. You’ve never spent time together. This is not what you would call a friendship.

"I don't know, are we?" you answer honestly, and a small smile appears on his face. "I can't blame you for not considering me your friend anymore…"

It is still strange seeing him like this. He has never been like this…so vulnerable somehow.

"I know I should have been here for you so much more in these past years."

This is not at all what you expected, and it confuses you greatly. Is he blaming himself for not being here? You also did not reach out to him, you did not seek him out, and you are in different houses.

"There is no blame on you!" Your voice is stronger, firmer, wanting him to see that it is absolute bullshit that he is talking. "Why would you say something like this?"

He shrugs. "I am…" He does not continue, only draws in a deep inhale, and leans his head against the wall. His eyes close for a moment.

There has always been a connection between you, a connection that is still somehow there, even though you might no longer be friends. The kind of friends you once used to be.

You also lean back against the wall, your own eyes closing, his finger still touching yours. It is such a tiny gesture, but you feel it everywhere. Feel him so strongly.

Theo breaks the silence, his voice quieter when he says. "Y/N, I want you to know...I've always cared about you more than just a friend."

Your heart skips a beat, and you open your eyes, turn your head and look up at him, your eyes meeting his gaze. "Theo..."

"I know it's complicated," he continues, his hand now flipping yours over and taking it into his. "I can't pretend anymore. And seriously, if Draco or Blaise would see me like that right now…stumbling over my own words, they would call me the biggest fool on this planet, but I need you to know…"

He groans almost like in frustration, and squeezes your hand.

"In Salazar's name, why is this so fucking hard?" A chuckle escapes him, but you only look at him, not sure if you are ready for his confession.

"I'm in love with you, Y/N. And I have been for the longest time."

Your breath catches in your throat, and a mixture of emotions swirls within you, a whirlwind starting for a whole new reason now. "Theo, I..." You hesitate, not sure what to say.

He smiles and shakes his head. "You don't have to say anything right now. I just needed you to know. And if you ever need someone to talk to, to be there for you, I'll always be here, I want you to know this."

This is a side of him, you think, only you know. And only you know since this very moment. He has never been like this before, he is not like that to others and it makes your chest warm from the inside.

Tears well up in your eyes again, but this time they're not tears of sadness — they’re tears of happiness and comfort. Without thinking you throw your arms around Theo and hug him tightly, feeling the warmth of his embrace. "Thank you, Theo. I... I really care about you too. I want you to know this."

He holds you close, his hand gently rubbing your back. "What happened today, and what is maybe about to come…we'll get through this together. You are not alone in this. I know you have your Hufflepuff friends, but you also have me."

He holds you tightly, and for as long as it takes the pain of the former happenings to ease. The weight of the howler and your mother's hurtful words begins to fade, replaced by the knowledge that you have someone who cares deeply for you by your side. His words and his confession were like balm to your soul, and they make you smile, even when you thought you wouldn't be smiling much this day.

"I am really glad to have you back in my life."

He smiles, a genuine and adorable smile that makes your heart flutter. "I have always been in your life. Maybe we weren't that close, but our bond has always been there."

You nod, and draw in a deep inhale. "You are right."

When more pupils file into the corridors, you know lessons are probably soon about to start. You give his hand a final squeeze and slowly get up. "I'll see you later, Theo."

He nods, his eyes never leaving yours. "Take care, Y/N. I'll see you for lunch?"

You nod, a smile on your lips and his eyes momentarily dip to them.

With one last smile, you turn and head toward the Hufflepuff common room, your heart lighter. You know you can talk to him about the issues in your family, and he will listen, because he understands. Understands the pure blood nobility and problems. And maybe, just maybe, there is also a chance for something more between the two of you in the future. He, after all, already confessed his love for you.

#theodore nott #theodore nott x you #theodore nott x reader #slytherin boys #slytherin #slytherin x hufflepuff #harry potter #theo nott #theo nott x reader

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writingsfromhome · 5 months

Text

If you Love Something

A/N: this has been an idea sitting in my drafts for a while. You and Harry had a brief but intense relationship as teenagers, were forced to make a serious decision then, and it’s aftereffects have lingered for the rest of your lives. It deals with some heavier topics so read with caution (alcoholism, depression, unwanted pregnancy etc). I’d describe it as sad but hopeful.

Part 2

—————————————

Age 17.

It started in secret. We’d found each other on the roof of a house party. Truth be told, I saw him sneak out of the window where people were crowded around the TV watching some controversial music video I hadn’t heard about. And I’d followed.

I knew who Harry was. Had him in English, Maths, and Biology last year. He was well spoken, thoughtful, and silly. I never spoke to him once though. Only admired him from afar.

Tonight I had my first drink and then another. I was feeling buzzed and despite being painfully shy for most of the time I’d known everyone here, I was suddenly gripped by the realization that we were approaching the last year we would all be together. Why had I waited this long to pursue someone I thought was cute?

I snuck out after him, when my friends weren’t looking. I even tilted the window more closed than usual so no one would suspect anything; I had the attic room at home so I knew how to maneuver the angled roof to get comfortable.

“You need any help?” Harry’s voice is clear in the silence.

“I’m alright.” I stand up to peer at him. He’s climbed near the top.

“Sure? You don’t seem steady.”

“Oh I’m steady,” I prove it to him by climbing up to where he was. “See?”

“I’m mistaken. My bad.” He holds out a hand to help me sit beside him and the night sky flashes brighter for an instant when I grasp his hand. My stomach is in knots.

“Harry. Styles.” I don’t know why I say his full name but I was nervous.

He repeats my full name back to me. I don’t know why I’m surprised he knows it. It’s not like we went to a big school.

“What brings you out here?”

I try to be bold about it, “You?”

“Party was getting too much.” He says. I stare at him in confusion while he complains about something his friends had gotten up to.

I replay my answer and realized it sounded like I’d skipped answering his question and asked the question back. Bugger.

“You know my name.” I interrupt him, forgetting he was telling me a story. Awkward.

“Yeah? Of course I do.”

“We’ve never talked.”

“We talked. Once in Maths. We had to grade each other’s answers.”

Oh yeah. I burn when I remember the 4/10 he’d given me with a smiley face saying that maths was masochistic.

“Barely.”

“I know you though,” he says with a softness that makes my heart stutter.

“Do you?” I look to him, resting my chin on my shoulder. He gazes down at me and I swear I could taste the colours around us.

His eyes draw me deeper as he inches closer. Was he going to kiss me? Oh my god.

I look back out to the roof and he jerks away. Omg.

“I do.”

“Oh,” I don’t know what to do after that awkward moment.

“I know you’re really quiet and shy but your smile is so loud you can see it from across the room.” He says and my breath catches as he continues. “You’re yourself with your friends, you really like Harry Potter and field hockey. You would kill Mal Adams if you could get away with it and you hate Maths just as much as you love art. You’re dating Oli Graves but your smile is only ever shining half as bright when you’re around him. Can I go on?”

I stop breathing completely halfway through his declaration of knowing me. All this time I had my eye on him, I didn’t know he was watching me too.

“I didn’t ask you for your opinion on my relationship.”

“You didn’t. I didn’t give you one either.”

I glare at him. He was right. He smiles knowing he was. I’m mad that I’m not mad at him. That he was right.

“What are you doing with a guy like that?”

Oli and I had been dating for 7 months now. He was loud and fun in a way I wish I could be. That’s why I liked him so much. That’s why I was at a party like this to begin with.

“He’s a good guy.”

“That’s all?” He asks. I look over but he’s looking up at the sky. I follow his gaze and get lost in the great expanse of nighttime.

“I think you deserve someone who sees you. Don’t you?”

“Did Ally see you?” I ask with a hint of aggression I didn’t mean to have.

“Ally and I broke up during Easter. So there’s your answer.” He’s unbothered.

“Well what do you want?” I ask.

“Right now? Or in life?”

I shrug. “Both?”

“I want to explore the world and meet all kinds of people. I wanna make the world a better place by being in it. It’s cheesy as shit so if you ever said I said this I’ll deny it and you’ll look like-“

“My lips are sealed.” I turn his way to promise him that. It makes me laugh at how serious he looks saying it all and when I do his face relaxes.

“You laugh is nice too. I forgot to mention that.”

That quiets me very quickly.

“And right now,” he continues. “I’d really like to kiss you.”

My ears ring. Did I hear him right? Could you get so drunk you hallucinate? I swear the cold air had sobered me-

“Did you hear what I said?” Harry’s moved in closer to me. Did I? I don’t know.

“What d-“

“I’d like to kiss you.”

I nod, afraid to talk and realize I’d hallucinated him saying that.

The world melts away when he kisses me. It’s tender, nothing like Oli and his jagged pushy kissing. In the nighttime air it’s warm, and soft, and easy.

“I know you,” Harry says when we part. I’d nearly climbed into his lap and I try to edge away, embarrassed, but he keeps a hand firm on my thigh.

“I know you too Harry,” I breathe. He smiles and it crinkles his luscious eyes.

I think I was falling.

***

We keep it a secret after I break up with Oli. For months, until mid-August when I invite him over for dinner after my mom insists on meeting “the boy I was all doe-eyed over”. The night with my family goes so well—Harry is the picture of a courteous gentleman that even my sister is swayed by him despite saying boys were gross. I ask him to hang out, in public, the next day. He doesn’t hesitate to say yes.

That’s what I love about Harry—yes love. He’s not pushy, he lets me go at my own pace. He respects me and sees me for everything I am and loves me anyway. I wanted to spend my whole life with him.

It was so intense and relaxed at the same time. It felt like no relationship I’d been in before. I felt different being with him, even my friends noticed.

When final year started, Harry and I were official but we didn’t flaunt it. We didn’t need to. My friends knew about us and they were happy for us, they told me I was more me. Whatever that meant.

Life was phenomenal and I was living in a dusky haze. Nothing could touch us.

Until one day in February. I was out with my sister, mum didn’t want to take her out and since I recently got my driver’s license with plenty of lessons from Harry, I was driving her to the mall. She needed Valentine’s Day cards.

“I thought you said love is stupid.” I remind her on the way.

“It is.”

“So why the hell am I driving you to buy cards for a made up holiday?”

“Because!” She crosses her arms and stares out the window. I flick her arm at a red light.

“You have a crush.”

“I do not!”

“Do too. Who is it? James? Mattie? Hamid?”

“Ew! They’re freaks.” My sister continues staring out the window.

“Why do you want to buy cards so bad!?”

“I just want them! For my friends!”

“Okay then,” I didn’t believe her. But I couldn’t bring her home crying or mum would ground me.

A lot of places have slim pickings. Wandering the aisle of Waterstones I catch sight of a family friend. She was my dad’s uni friend’s daughter, a few years older than me but by the time I got to secondary she had dropped out after getting pregnant. I remember the buzz when everyone found out.

I avoid her and find an aisle to occupy myself.

Harry and I were always careful, mum had already given me the talk and he never pressured me to do anything I didn’t. I imagine Harry as a dad. He would make a good one I think.

As one thought leads to another I go cold as I realize something. My last period was during the holidays.

I feel like I’m walking in a swarm of locusts as I walk to the edge of the aisle, scanning for my sister. Maybe I can pop into a pharmacy before she’s done. Maybe…

This was crazy. It was probably just a missed period.

But if it isn’t, another voice asks. I felt it in my gut. I had to do this.

I don’t remember getting home. I don’t remember anything about the rest of that day except two faint lines, and then two faint lines again, and a third time. I fall asleep before dinner that night and shut the world out.

***

“I know something’s wrong.” Harry’s walking me home after school. It’s Valentine’s Day and he’d been nothing but sweet. He bought me chocolates, flowers, and we planned to cook dinner together after school. I had bought him chocolates too, and had written him a heartfelt note with a bunch of photos of us weeks ago. The box was in my room, waiting for tonight. “Do you not like the flowers? Or is it dinner? We can go out somewhere instead?”

“No everything’s lovely.” I’d never heard Harry this desperate before. It gets under my skin even though part of me knows that’s not really it. But having him hover over me all week trying to figure out what was wrong was too much.

I’d spent every night this week with a hand over my belly. Thinking about it. I hadn’t told anyone. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. All I can think of was Jenny and I didn’t want that life. I couldn’t. I couldn’t be a mother.

“Please. What’s the matter.” Harry asks again, tugging at my hands but I pull them away.

“I just need some space!” I shout and he flinches. “I’m sorry Harry. I just need space right now.”

“Right now like…” he scratches his head. “I don’t get you. It’s Valentine’s Day, we’ve been talking about this day for weeks what do you mean you want space?”

“I can’t do this right now. Please.”

“Are you-are we…”

“I’m not breaking up with you.” I look at Harry with tears in my eyes, I didn’t want to cry out here. But every time I look at him I remember the reality. What’s growing inside me. I can’t take it. “I just can’t do today.”

I go inside my house. Leave him without further explanation. I feel awful, I can’t hold the tears in long enough to get to my room.

***

“Hey love?” My mum and dad knock on my door at half past 5. I lay in the dark, having cried myself dry. “We’re worried about you. Can we talk.”

“I can’t.” I say, voice stuffy.

“I thought you and that boyfriend of yours had plans,” dad says. He liked Harry but he rarely called him by his name. “Did something happen?”

“No!” I wanted them to leave me alone. “I just. I had to cancel. I’m fine.”

“Don’t sound fine to me love,” I feel the mattress dip as mum sits down. Dad strokes my hair. They whisper something I can’t hear and a pair of footsteps pad out of my room.

“Mum just leave me alone.” I try again.

“I’m not.” She pushes me further into my bed and leans down, tugging my blanket down. When I finally look at her she smiles kindly and kisses my forehead. That fills me up enough to start wailing again. “Oh love, what’s wrong?”

“Everything!” I sob into my blanket. Mom lays down beside me and I let myself be cradled like a child. God, I had a child. This was so fucked.

“Talk to me. We can figure it out together.”

I don’t know how my parents would react. They were never particularly strict, especially after what happened with Jenny I remember them always being sympathetic. We even visited her in hospital with a gift.

Mum strokes my hair and whispers that it’ll be okay. Slowly my sobbing eases into light sniffles. I had to tell her. She would know what to do. And if she hated me for it, I would just have to deal with it.

“Mum don’t be mad-“

“I won’t honey I-“

“No. Mum.” I cut her off. She moves back on the pillow so she can see my whole face, moving a strand of hair so I couldn’t hide. “Something…messed up. Happened. And…I was careful. We were always careful I don’t know what happened but I-“

I watch her face changed. Like she knew. She knew what was coming but she waits patiently as I muster up the courage to say the words that felt too real once I said them.

“Mum I’m…I’m pregnant.”

Her eyes fill with tears and she bites her lip. What was she thinking? Was she crying for me or with me? Why wasn’t she saying anything!?

“Mum-“

“C’mere.” She wraps me in her embrace again and kisses the top of my head. My body feels drained and limp. I finally told somebody. It was real. This living thing inside of me was real.

“What happened?” She asks next. And I tell her what I think happened. When. How I found out. She listens, holding my hand in hers. When I’m done and it’s poured out of me she smiles supportively. “This isn’t a bad thing okay? It’s okay. Any decision you make is up to you. I’ll talk to your dad but just know you call the shots okay? I love you.”

This is what carries me. The love.

She asks me it I told Harry yet and I tell her the truth. She urges me to tell him. I tell her I wanted to so bad but I was scared.

She leaves shortly after that, I hear her talking softly outside my room. Nobody calls me for dinner until 7, a soft knock on my door. My sister would never be so soft, I assume it’s dad so I tell him to come in. I was scared to face him.

It’s Harry instead.

“Harry!” I cover my splotchy face with my blanket, why was he here? Did mum invite him? This was soo embarrassing.

My heart pounds and Harry is silent until he takes a seat where mum had previously been.

“I came over, your mum invited me. She explained.”

She did what? For a moment I feel betrayed.

“She said you weren’t doing so well. Stressed? I could make you some tea if you’d like. But I told you y/n, you’ll get into unis. You don’t have to worry so…”

I sigh. Mum had told him a half-truth. But he had come. Of course he had.

I couldn’t even think about uni right now because that lead me down a road of what if I couldn’t go because I had a baby. And that life felt so bleak it made me depressed.

“Harry.” I inch my blanket down a little and his eyes go round when he looks at me.

“You look…awful.”

“I know.” I cover my face with my hair but he brushes it away and kisses my forehead.

“No. I’m worried about you. I brought dinner-“

“Oh Harry.” I spot the bag he brought with him.

“I made it all for us. With my mum’s help but mostly me. I packed it to bring to you.”

I didn’t deserve him. And I had to tell him. And he was going to break up with me. What high school boy wanted a child?

“Harry it’s not uni.” I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I was carrying another living thing. It was the size of a seed but I was carrying it inside me. Like a living breathing pot. I was a potted plant.

“Then what is it?” His brows crinkle. “Is it us?”

“No!” I rush to tell him. “I…I don’t know how to say this. And I don’t know how you’re going to react but it’s okay either way.”

“What are you talking about?” His hands slide up my lap. “What is it?”

“Harry. I’m um, I’m pregnant.”

I watch him freeze and stay exactly how he is, his brows pinch ever so slightly. I knew this look. He looked still on the outside but his mind was racing. And I was scared what was racing through it.

“Pregnant?”

“Yeah. From…the holidays.”

“How did-I thought we-“

“I guess it’s not foolproof.” I whisper. Mum had told me to go on the pill, and I hadn’t listened because all my friends told me it made them gain weight. If only I had listened. Now I was gaining weight anyway.

“What are we going to do?” He asks next. And I never realized six little words could weigh the world. If I could cut those words out and surgically implant them into my heart I would. Just to remind me the equal parts relieved and comforted they made me.

I hold his face in my hands, new tears springing to my eyes. He was in this. With me.

He kisses me and pulls me into a hug. I cry into his shirt again and he holds me so tight I swear I could break.

“I don’t know if I can keep it Harry,” I finally whisper to him.

His hands fist in my shirt, he holds his breath and after a long minute he lets me go with it.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Was he really okay with all this?

“It’s…I can’t make you keep it.”

“You’d want to keep it?” I couldn’t believe it.

“It’s…” he swallows his sentence and keeps his gaze on my stomach. I tug his hand and lay it over it. When his eyes meet mine I see a hint of heartbreak. We were going to break our hearts either way I think.

Not once did I think he might want to keep it.

“It’s okay.” Harry finally says. “We’re so young right? How would we keep a baby and go to school, and do everything we always talk about?”

“Yeah I don’t…I don’t know.”

“I love you.” He says with such a sudden passion. I wrap my arms around his and return the sentiment.

Eventually we lay down and just talk about everything. Truthfully, my head was telling me not to keep the baby but everything else felt dead thinking about it.

Maybe that’s why it took me until April to finally make a decision. It was the size of a plum by then, and a tiny bump was starting to show but only when I stood naked in front of the mirror. With clothes on, nobody was the wiser. But the longer I kept it, I think the more Harry fell in love with it. The idea of it.

We have a long talk during our Easter holiday. We talked in my bedroom until the sun comes up. I tell him I was sure of my decision.

I’d gotten accepted to Cambridge by then. Harry was staying in London. We knew it wasn’t feasible. To live the life we always wanted, we had to get rid of this new life we never knew could happen.

I don’t know why but I don’t tell him the day I go to do it. I go with my mum. Mum drops my sister off at school—she didn’t know. Mum said she had a big mouth.

We drive in silence. When we park mum asks how I feel.

“Sad.” It was the truth. I knew this was right. But it felt like shite.

“Yeah.” She rubs my hands. “Want to go in?”

“I just want to sit here for a bit.” I tell her.

“Okay. I’ll go sign you in.”

She takes my purse and hers and leaves me there. I take the moment to ground myself. Say goodbye to the other future.

When mum knocks on my window I jump.

“Yn? Is everything alright?”

“Yeah yeah I’m coming in.” I open the door.

“You know you’ve been sitting here half hour?”

I pause, one leg out the door and one still in. “I…I must have got lost in my head. Sorry mum-“

“Look. Do you want to do this?”

“I don’t know…I have to.”

“There are other options love-“

“But how can I give it up and live my whole life like that?”

“We can help raise her. You can go on and live your life-“

“I’d be a horrible mother.” Mum and I had this row so many times before. It always ended in me storming away but I couldn’t here.

“You don’t need to make the decision today.”

“But I do.” I tell her. “Otherwise it’ll drive me insane.”

I tuck both feet back into the car and rest my hand on my belly. I’d allowed myself to do that only in my room, when I was alone. Doing it out here made it feel even more real. Suddenly I couldn’t imagine going through with the decision.

“I can’t do this.” I tell my mum.

She smooths my hair down and kisses my temple. My door closes and a few seconds later she climbs in beside me.

“Think about it.”

“I can’t. But I can’t keep it either.”

“Okay.” Mum pulls me into her and I think I should cry but I can’t. I’m calm, maybe I know I’d made the right decision. Or just a decision. I was going to stick to this.

“I can’t raise it. I’m just a child I…maybe someone out there wants a baby and can’t have one maybe-“

“I’ll look into it for you.” Mum promises. “You set the rules remember?”

And that’s how it goes. Mum looks into it, we decide to go for adoption. We go to the hospital on the first warm day of the year. By then I’d taken to wearing jumpers over flowy dresses and been thankful for the first time in my life that I wasn’t skinny like other girls. At most angles you couldn’t tell my belly was so perfectly round.

By then too, Harry had accepted the decision. He seemed relieved. Thinking aloud he’d said maybe he could raise it, but quickly turned around when I asked him what he’d do about uni.

“Someone out there can take care of it better than us. Someone will love the baby like we do.”

During the summer, I tell all my friends I was staying with family in midlands. And I do go up there, that’s where the couple who was adopting lived. Harry and I meet them with my mum and his. It’s awkward, we run out of conversation fast. But their house is big and they already have a 2 year old from an adoption last year. My baby was going to be loved here. And have a sibling.

“We did want to discuss one last thing,” they’d said before we left. We all listen intently. “We…find it best when it’s a no contact adoption. We’ve had a lot of friends who keep contact open and it gets messy-“

“What?” I hadn’t really thought about this until now. Hearing I’d have to give the baby up and go on like it didn’t exist felt wrong. Harry’s hand slips into mine.

“This is typical,” Harry’s mum says from his side. “Let’s hear it out.”

“Right. So just to prevent future complications, we do no contact. Of course when baby’s older and wants to seek out the real parents we can’t stop them. But until then…”

“Thank you.” My mum steps in when it goes silent. I could hardly wrap my head around what they were saying. When it gets older?

Pretty soon mum is ushering me out and Harry’s hand is still clutching mine. We don’t let go until we reach my Uncle’s where we were staying until August. The baby was due in September. I was going to miss the first week of class.

“I can’t do this.” I tell them later. “How can we just have no contact.”

“I thought you knew.” Mum says. “I explained that some parents want this when they adopt.”

She might have. Ever since I hit the third trimester like my doctor said, I’ve had a hard time listening and understanding what someone was saying after they spoke too long. I was glad school was done—for obvious reasons, but also for not having to sit in a class and learn.

“We have no other choice.” Harry says from beside me. He rubs my back and slowly, I zone back into the conversation. “We can find another family but they might want the same thing.”

“What if the baby never looks for us?” I turn to him, our heads press against the other’s. “What if we go our whole lives just wondering?”

“What’s the other option?” Harry whispers. He was right. I just didn’t want to get it.

Acceptance slowly creeps into me over the course of the summer. It was always hot carrying another person around, I was always hungry and thirsty, and very cranky. Harry came up to see me every other weekend when he could, mum stayed with me and that summer was one I could never forget.

It was September 1st, a particularly hot day. Rain fell in the afternoon and by the time the unforgiving sun set, the cool air was heavenly.

I sat by the bedroom window, moisturizing my belly like mum had shown me, talking to the baby. I wrote it a letter last week all about me, that I loved them and hoped the best for them. I told the baby about my family, how Harry and I met, and then I sealed it in an envelope with a picture of Harry and me. It was taken last Halloween when we’d both dressed up as each other. I tell mum to give it to the new parents. In case the day came the baby wondered about who we were.

As I spoke softly, I felt a gush of something wet down my leg.

“What?” I stand up, confused. “I…”

It takes me a second. I was going into labour.

“Mum!” I shout. “Mum! Come here!”

She rushes in and confirms it. It was happening.

“But it’s supposed to be next week!” I try not to panic but that’s all I can do as mum grabs our things and my aunt rushes to the car. “Does this mean something’s wrong? Is the baby o-“

I freeze as a contraction forces me to fold. I’d felt the kicking and the nausea and everything in between but these. These were a bitch.

Somehow we make it to hospital. Somehow I lay on a bed and push when the doctor tells me to. I nearly pass out. I just wanted Harry here with me. He didn’t know his kid was being born.

With a final push that felt like I was ascending my body and leaving it behind, I hear a wail and I cry. The baby was out, they cried and everything was okay.

“Okay congratulations mummy,” a nurse crouches down to me. “We’re going to clean you and baby up. She’s healthy and looks okay.”

“What?” I can barely see with my hair in my face and the nurses around me. It was a she? I had a baby girl?

We were never told the gender, so we wouldn’t get attached. But I had a baby girl. The nurse just called me mum.

I feel the tears on my cheeks, I was crying too. I try to look around me but a new nurse is talking in hushed voices to the doctor.

“…outside…call…adoption…shouldn’t or….contact-“

“What’s going on?” I can barely get the words out. “What?”

“Oh my love,” suddenly mum’s in the room and things are a bit better. A bit better.

“Mum what’s going on?”

“The baby’s born. The parents are outside they’re going to meet her soon.”

“What?” I look at mum’s face and it’s shining with tears. Why was she crying?

“Oh she’s beautiful love, she’s perfect. But your job’s done now. You should rest.”

“Mum,” I cry. “Where is she? Can’t I hold her?”

“No love,” mum moves my hair out of my face. I feel something break in half inside of me. I couldn’t even hold the baby? The baby girl? Mine and Harry’s baby girl?

“Why? Mum why? I just want to see her-“

“I’m sorry,” mum says through tears. “It’s just the way it is. She’s going to a loving home okay? She’s good. You’re okay.”

I can’t stop crying. I was going to lose her last April and I stopped that but I lost her anyway. My baby, I was never going to see her.

I remember when my sister was born. I was 5 and I was angry she’d taken the attention away. But when I saw her with her perfect toes and angel face I was obsessed with her. I even remember her first steps, she’d taken them at a park with mum and dad and me together. I was never going to know these things about my own baby. I was never going to know her.

I must pass out soon after. I remember waking up to the nurses instructing me about something. I’m half asleep and barely remember what I did when I get up. When I do wake it’s morning and there’s a figure on the chair beside me.

“You’re up.”

Harry. Relief washes over me knowing he’s here.

“Harry they took her,” I tell him.

“I know. I know yn.”

I move aside and he crawls into bed with me. I must look disgusting but he watches me with love brimming in his eyes. I can tell he’s been crying.

“I feel empty,” I whisper. Like someone had carved me out like a pumpkin. Something I’d had with me all year was gone. “How can I just move on? Start uni and all that when I…they just took her.”

“I keep thinking that.” Harry says. “Khalil invited me to a party to meet some blokes from uni and I just sat in my car the whole time. I couldn’t even go in. She…she was never going to be ours.”

“I feel awful.” I burrow into his neck as he strokes my hair. “A baby girl.”

“A baby girl,” Harry echoes.

***

I head to uni a week later. My body still feels like it fought a war and lost. It’s like it still thinks there’s a baby there. I produce milk for a few days, continue to have contractions, my belly is saggier than usual and I can’t stop crying about everything.

My dad drops me off to uni. He tells me he was proud of me, that I was always his baby girl. I cry then just like I cried at home when I said bye to mum, or when my sister hugged me which she never does. I can’t stop crying.

When I move into my dorm I feel like a completely different person than I thought I was going to be. My dormmate fills me in on everything she’s learned, complains about a boy and a party and it just feels so irrelevant to me. Did I used to care about those things? I had a baby. And now I didn’t.

By October, Harry and I are in different worlds. We hadn’t broken up but we talk weekly. Each week there’s less to talk about. When I visit home in October, being around him just makes me sad. He tries to cheer me up, make it like old times, but I know he’s hurting inside too.

I decide to do the breaking up. And at first he’s angry, insisting we could make it work. He actually refuses and walks away. We don’t talk for a whole day.

But at a house party in South where his uni mates were from, he accepts the end.

Through tears we kiss each other one final time, we whisper sweet nothings, we pour into each other all the hopes and wishes we had for each other.

When he hugs me for the last time I leave something behind. It’s similar to waking up the morning after my delivery and knowing something was gone. I really feel the shape of the loss. It sits in my sternum, a hole that grows smaller with time, but not just yet.

I fall into a depressed state for most of my first semester but my dormmate doesn’t give up on me and eventually I go to my first uni party. Eventually my brain fog clears and I actually go to all my classes. Eventually my life, on the outside, looks like it could be back to normal but inside I ache with the loss. So much that it becomes part of me. I don’t know where it ends, and I begin. It lives in me.

Age 23.

“The first of many hey?” Mal clinks his bottle to mine. I barely knew Mal but we were both friends with Khalil and therefore both at his stag.

“Before you know it we’re all going down,” one of Khalil’s friends joins in. “Stag after stag, suit after suit, it’s gonna be a blur man.”

“Let’s enjoy it while we can!” Someone cheers and everyone raises their beers. I toast with a smile; blokes loved to act like being in a relationship was the last thing they wanted when I knew most of them were mush in their girlfriend’s hands.

I also smile knowing I bought an engagement ring a few weeks back. I wanted to propose to Shannon, we met on her 22 when a friend invited me along. I couldn’t keep my eyes off the birthday girl. We’d been together since.

“Who do you think’s next?” The bets start going and nobody bets on me. Everyone always thought Shan was too good for me, they were counting on us breaking up. I was going to prove them all wrong.

The night gets sloppier until we all head back to the air bnb we’d rented for this. Tomorrow we were all supposed to go play golf like we were cosplaying old money bastards when we all knew we were just broke blokes from East. But I guaranteed they’d all be too hungover. We would get to the club and just drink the hangovers away.

And I’m right. I update Shan that I’m right when the boys stay in the dining area of the club. They decide on lunch and I step out to talk to my girlfriend.

“No birds allowed this weekend,” someone pipes in when I excuse myself.

“That’s just cuz you’re miserable Eli.” I brush past as the boys laugh. At me. And him.

I catch up with Shan. It was a bright day for September and I stay a little longer after the phone ends. Shan was in med school, she was always stressed or sleep deprived. I tried to support her the best I could—right now she needed moral support that she was going to get an internship she was applying for.

“Mummy doesn’t like when I have sweets,” a small voice says to my left. I look at a father with his daughter. He’s crouched down zipping her sweater up while she rambles on.

“Well it’s going to be our secret.” The dad says. “Sundays are for sweets aren’t they?”

“I love sweets.” She responds.

The father catches my eye and I shoot him a smile.

“Her mum’s going to hear every detail when we get home,” he says as he stands. “Can’t keep a secret to save her life.”

I laugh. The way she was rambling on, I didn’t think so. “How old’s she?”

“6.” He says, smiling down at her fondly. My heart aches.

“Almost 7.” She corrects her dad.

“Birthday’s in the spring.” He says more to me. “But almost 7 sure.”

I see them leave with one more shared smile, like we’re in on something. I imagine that’s how it would feel to be a parent. Always knowing something your kid doesn’t.

My daughter was 6. Wherever she was.

Thinking about the daughter I never had, the girl I lost always leaves me a little winded. Today’s no different.

Yn and I both made an agreement and it had been the hardest thing I’d done. Letting her go. It took me a proper year to even think about moving on.

I liked to think about yn, doing everything she wanted to do. But when I thought about the baby I spiralled into a dark pit. Sometimes when I drank too much, it pulled me in too deep to get out of. That’s what Shan liked to call my depressive drinking. She’s limited me to 3 drinks since.

Before I go in I take a minute to think about yn, where she might be. I hear from friends in high school random facts about her life. But I wonder how she’s doing. If she thinks about our baby like I do. How life would have been if I’d been here, calling her on the phone instead, asking if our baby girl was doing alright.

Age 29.

I stare at the nape of the man in front of me. It couldn’t be, but I’d memorized the back of his head—amongst other things, nearly 2 decades ago and I would bet £1000 I knew who this was. But I continue staring until the cashier rings him up.

In the same voice I remember, the one from my memories and my fantasies, I hear him say: “debit.”

I wait for him to pay before saying, “Harry?”

He turns so quickly he drops his card, wallet, and keys.

“Hi!” I laugh awkwardly and crouch down to help him pick his things up. There’s an awareness that the people in the queue behind me are witness to a moment that feels more intimate than a grocery store chat and it makes me shrink a little in my shell like a spooked turtle.

“Hi I-uh,” Harry short-circuits in front of me as the bored cashier holds his receipt out and stares at him with eyes that have worked one shift too many.

“I’ll just bag-“

“Yeah we can talk later.” I give him what I hope is a reassuring smile but it feels watery. I couldn’t believe of all the places I’d run into him, it was a grocery queue. How intense in such a mundane place.

As I watch my total rise on screen I risk a glance at Harry. His hand hovers over a white reusable bag, I wonder if that was his. Or his wife’s. If they did their weekly shop in a mismatch of bags that looked like that or they were the type of couple to have a set.

His eyes are on me though, somehow here and not here. I feel the same way.

I look back to the cashier asking me how I was paying. She glances between Harry and I. I don’t look back at him. Or the growing queue a few feet away.

I take my groceries—just some items my mum asked me to pick up, and stuff them into the tote I’m wearing. Harry waits for me by the exit.

“Hi.” He says as his eyes scan my face. I do the same, taking in all the ways time had spent with him. It must have been good—he looked good. “I can’t believe-“

“A Whole Foods of all places.” I laugh. A grin splits his face but his eyes stay on me.

“That smile, that laugh. God I’ve missed you.”

“I…missed you too.” How I could miss someone I’d known for one year and then never again for nearly two decades…I didn’t realize it was possible until now.

“Are you busy?” He asks. “Maybe we can grab a drink or?”

“I don’t…drink.” I hated that I had to announce it to people. I was still at the stage where I was figuring out how to say it confidently, or find a way around saying it.

“Oh.” Harry glances down at my belly and I realize he’d misunderstood but it’s too unspoken to correct him. “Cafe?”

“Yeah. That sounds lovely.” Honestly going anywhere with him sounded lovely right now. I wanted to cancel all my plans for the day and just sit with him. Stare at him and catch up. I couldn’t believe he was here.

We walk in a comfortable but waiting silence, like taking a cold drink out to a park with the anticipation it’s going to be good , and no desperation to open it as soon as you get it.

“Usual? Tea?” Harry asks when we step into a nearby cafe. It’s big for a cafe but has enough students working on laptops to not feel empty. I nod, unsure how to feel that Harry still knows what I order at a cafe. Or that my order hasn’t changed since 17.

I find us a booth and pretty soon he’s sliding into the seat across from me. The two of us can’t stop smiling.

“Hi,” he says again.

“Hi…”

“You look good, the same but better.”

“I was going to say the same thing about you!” I exclaim. More smiling.

“How’s…I mean, how are you? How is everything? What-“

“There’s so much to ask-“

“I don’t even know how to ask what I want to know!” Harry laughs and I’m warmed from the inside out at the sound of it.

“This shouldn’t be hard!”

“No.” He scrubs his face. “I’m really buzzing that we’ve run into each other.”

“Me too. It’s a bit unbelievable.”

“I know.” He continues gripping his cup and not taking his eyes off of me. It’s the exact way he used to look at me when we were teenagers. It nearly takes my breath away. “You look good—but I already said that. Sorry.”

“No,” I laugh. “That’s all that’s running through my head.”

“Oh—I remember hearing you were engaged a few years ago-“

“Yeah.” I turn my hand so he can see the ring. “Married now. You?”

“Yeah,” he looks down at his own hand. He had so many rings on I couldn’t tell from a glance. “Coming up to 5 years now.”

“Wow. It’s only 1.5 for me but Tatum and I—my husband, we’d been since uni.”

“Took him a while.”

“Mhm,” it had been a sore subject way back then. Harry says it casually but he studies my face. I know he wants to ask more but he’ll politely maneuver around it.

“Are you happy?”

I let out a breath. “That’s more complicated than anything else you could ask!”

“Is it?”

“Yeah I-“ I shrug. “I don’t know if I am. But I also have no idea what I could do about it. So. There’s that.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” My stomach curdles with his words. I didn’t want pity, least of all from Harry. Harry. I can’t believe he was here. “I get it though. Everyone says your 30s are even more glorious than your 20s. We’ll see soon enough if they’re right.”

I meet his eye, they always intimidated me to look too long into. Even now, I glance back down at my drink. When I look up again he has a wry smile twisting his lips. He knew.

I was sorry to hear life hadn’t been as good for him. And then I understand, it wasn’t pity he was giving me. He truly was sorry like I.

I thought about Harry often. Of course I did. I liked to imagine him living out his dreams like he always talked about. I liked to imagine him happy and thriving.

“Do you ever think about us?” I have to ask. “If we did it all differently?”

“We would have had a 12 year old with us.”

Hearing him say it feels like someone had taken a screwdriver and opened me up. Raw and exposed. But looking at him I know he thought about her as much as I had. Both of us were apparently mourning a future neither of us had fought for.

“Yeah,” I breathe but I just sound winded.

“We were trying, at one point—Shan and I.” Harry fiddles with his ring. “Did all the tests and the trials and the shite. But no kids. It put a real strain on my relationship. I think we cracked instead of bending. And I don’t think either of us know how to make it right again.”

I grasp his hand and squeeze. “I know what that’s like. It’s hard. I…a couple years ago. I lost a baby. A baby boy. I felt like it was a punishment for-“

“Don’t.”

We hold onto each other, our drinks long forgotten. He holds my hand and it feels like being known again, like I wasn’t such an awful person. That someone could see everything I’ve done and still choose to have love for me.

“I’m sorry.” He tells me.

“Me too.” I bite my lip. With a sigh I let him go and lean back. Here we’d been so excited to bump into each other but we’d both been carrying sorrow and grief. It wasn’t very hopeful.

“So I guess you’re not drinking because you’re-“

“No.” I say, surprisingly without feeling awkward. “I’m just sober right now. Trying to figure out life without a drink.”

“Sounds like torture but I respect that. Sounds hard.”

“It was at first. I like the feeling now of thinking clearly. But I miss a glass of wine I do sometimes.”

We smile at each other.

“So do you live around here?” Harry broaches talking again after both of us had lapsed into silence for a while. I blink away the fog of the past.

“Yeah. You?”

“Nah. Shan’s out of town and I was feeling lonely. Came over to visit my sister. I’m just staying with her for the week.”

“Lucky me then.” I smile.

“Lucky me too.” He smiles back. It’s soft. We’re soft. It felt impossible to me after all this time the tenderness was still the strongest thing between us.

We chat a bit more, much about nothing. What we did for a job, anyone we still kept in touch with from school. Nothing that meant a lot.

“I need to head off now,” I say when my phone buzzes for a second time. “I was on my way to my mum’s. She keeps calling me.”

“Yeah. Don’t want to keep you.” Harry says but he stays seated. So do I.

We continue just studying the other until my phone rings again and I laugh. “It was…I really loved seeing you.”

I slide out and Harry mirrors me. I still come to his chest, he still smells the same and stands the same and looks just as handsome.

“How about uhm, how about dinner some time?” Harry asks. I knew it was coming, it’s still painful saying no.

“I…can’t. I…we can’t just do dinner, can we?”

“No,” Harry bows his head. We had too much history to just do dinner. From what he said—and I knew, both our lives were too complicated to add the allure of each other into the mix. I couldn’t do that to my life as tempted as I was. Especially not sober.

“Yeah.” He stands straight again and gives me space to head to the door. “Good seeing you. Give your mum my best if she doesn’t hate me.”

“She doesn’t.” I assure him. We stand awkwardly not sure if a kiss, a hug, or a wave was appropriate. We settle for a hug.

I remember the last time I was enveloped in his arms, tucked away into his tall frame. When we said goodbye forever, agreed to live our best lives separately. We’d both been too scarred to be anything together. Too much grief.

“Maybe we’ll run into each other again.” Harry smiles at me when we part.

“Maybe,” I say knowing full well I wouldn’t do groceries on the weekend anymore.

With a final wave we both part ways again, this time it doesn’t feel as much like closure.

Age 35.

“Graduation’s graduating, what a mouthful.” I say to Andie. We sit in the parking lot of a local pub back home. Both of us had avoided reunions after going to the first one 10 years ago and being reminded of how much people liked to remind you of who you used to be. But this year Andie found out an old flame was going and single. And this is the first year I saw that Harry had checked off going. So we’d decided to go together.

I could have easily reached out to him. Asked him about meeting up there. But I didn’t want to come across any way. I remember our run-in 6 years ago. We felt the same way—we would do anything for each other, and I didn’t want any affect over him coming. Last I heard he was still in a relationship. Just cuz I was didn’t mean I had to ruin another.

“Okay. We going in?” Andie passes me her flask.

I’d taken to drinking again. Originally I stopped after a particularly bad night when I was 28. It nearly cost me my wedding back then.

I stopped to get sober. To feel what it felt like not to rely on alcohol to keep from feeling my emotions. I had a lot of grief I never processed. And unfortunately being sober, and processing the grief and depression, had ultimately cost me my marriage. But I was better for it. I knew what unconditional love and support was. I didn’t want to settle for someone who only loved me at my best.

Now I felt in control when I drank. I knew when to stop.

“Let’s go!”

“Do you think he’ll remember me?” Andie asks as we walk up to the place.

“You comment on so many of his posts. I think he does.” I tease.

“Gah. It would have saved me so much heartbreak if I just told him back 18 years ago how I felt.”

“Maybe,” I think about my confessed love 18 years ago and the heartbreak that ensued.

“Well at least I would have gotten him outta my system. Oh god I see him-“

“Hi ladies,” we’re stopped near the front and given name tags, making small talk with the girls working the booth. I vaguely remember them from a club but I have to read their name tags to pretend I remembered them at all.

Andie ditches me pretty quickly but I don’t mind. I find some friends I saw a couple times a year. Guess this was the couple time this year.

The whole time my eyes scan the room. People had brought their partners and I wondered if Harry would do the same. Deep down, I prayed he didn’t. I just wanted to see him.

I spot him halfway through the night. He’s leaning against the bar talking to Khalil. I remembered they used to be friends, he was always nice to me while Harry and I dated.

I watch him talk and drink. I lose him for a bit and then catch him leaving. Shite.

I excuse myself and rush out but nearly trip over myself slowing down. He was just outside for a smoke break.

“When did that habit start?” I ask. He nearly jumps out of his skin.

“Fu-y/n you scared me.” He shakes his face dramatically, like he’s getting something off of it. I bite back a smile, he was pretty drunk. “When did you get here? I didn’t know you came to these things?”

“I don’t.” I correct him. I couldn’t tell him I came for him. “It was just the name of this reunion, Graduation’s graduating. How could I pass it up?”

This earns a laugh. Eases the air between us. “Did you see Oli in there? He’s gotten bald.”

“He looks like his dad actually,” I remember his dad was always coming to Oli’s football matches, screaming at his son to run faster.

“Glad you didn’t end up with him?” Harry smirks.

“Oh yeah. I heard last reunion he just kept going up for the karaoke sober. If I want my bloke to embarrass me, at least give him the excuse of being drunk.”

“Shit,” Harry laughs. “I remember that! I remember! Wish I could forget!”

I laugh with him. “Harry you’re getting pretty close to drunk yourself.”

“Ah yeah. More than 3 drinks that, I’m being naughty tonight.”

I scrunch my nose, no idea what he’s talking about.

“I can’t believe you’re here tonight,” Harry says again. “I thought I wasn’t going to see you again for another 12 years after our last time.”

“Thought I’d halve the time.” I watch Harry squash out the butt.

“Glad you did.” He looks at me and I’m 17 again. Why couldn’t we both be single? Why did I come here knowing I couldn’t have him.

Maybe I was as masochistic as the person who invented maths.

“Yn?” A voice calls out to me. “Oi! It is you I thought I was dreaming you up! What a sight!”

I’d been avoiding Oli all night. Not anymore.

I glance at Harry and he hides a smirk. Oli notices Harry then and his face hardens a little.

“Oli! Long time!” I go in for the hug he’s reaching for, unsure why he was so sweaty on an autumn night. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” he grins at me. “You look good! Not a day over 25.”

“Don’t flatter me Oli,” I roll my eyes. “It’s not going to get you anything.”

“I’m not looking! I swear it!” He says earnestly. “I’m just paying you a compliment. It’s good to see you. Hey, I’m actually in a good relationship. Gonna propose to her.”

“Are you? What’s she like?”

I stand in the brisk evening as Oli tells me about his girlfriend. I’m happy for him, what we had in high school wasn’t really a relationship but I never wished him bad. He was a good guy, I was glad he found his person.

I change the subject when he asks about my love life, tell him I was getting cold. We head back in and I tell him I’d catch up to him later. I’d lost Harry and wanted to find him again. I had more I wanted to talk about.

“Khalil,” I interrupt him playing pool. He goes in for a hug and I engage in polite small talk until I tire of it. “I’m looking for Harry.”

“Of course you are,” he wags a finger at me. “I saw him leaving ten minutes ago?”

“Jeez really?” I couldn’t believe I missed him! After coming here just for him. Maybe he had to get home, maybe he had a kid by now. Had to tuck him in.

“He’s not doing so well since the divorce-“

“What?” I stare at Khalil like he’s spoken gibberish. Why hadn’t I heard about that?

“Ehm yeah. He’s pretty private about it.”

“I didn’t know.”

“Yeah. He’s been separated a few years now but he just signed the papers a couple weeks ago. I dunno. He gets kinda depressed around this time of year. Probably the weather.”

It was September. It wasn’t the weather.

I had to find him.

I brush past the people I went to school with. I followed Harry outside to a roof 17 years ago and today I follow him out to find him again. We needed to talk.

I look both ways, hoping for a miracle.

I spot a figure slumped on the far end of the road. I recognize the church, it was where we went every Easter and Christmas growing up.

I walk towards the figure until I can make out the hair. It was Harry. Thank god.

“Why’d you leave?” I ask him when he looks up to my approaching footsteps.

“I drank too much,” he hangs his head again. I sit beside him.

“I heard about the divorce. I’m sorry.”

Harry shrugs. “We separated a while ago. It was coming for a long time.”

“Yeah. Still.” I say.

We sit in silence, the only sound is our breathing and the faint noises from the pub down the road.

“She’s in her last year by now.” I say without further explanation. I know he’d know.

“Our baby’s 17.”

Our baby? I feel choked up. All these years we’d been apart, built our own lives, and there was still an our even when there hadn’t been.

“It’s always been us hasn’t it?” Harry says. “Nobody understands.”

“They couldn’t. We were so young, making such a big decision.”

“Oh y/n.” He leans into me and I wrap my arm around his shoulder. He’s cold, his jacket pooled on the steps around him. I gather it to spread over his shoulder but he stops me. “How much heartbreak can you have in one lifetime?”

I sit, aching for the pain Harry was going through. Knowing it was mirrored in me.

“I’ve had enough for a lifetime. I know that.”

“Me too.” Harry sighs. “I miss you.”

“I’m right here.” I intertwine our hands. They still fit the exact same, all these years later. I examine them, but they looked the same too. I wonder if our baby girl ever looked at her hands, wondered who she inherited them from.

“D’you think she thinks about us?” Harry asks what I’m thinking.

“Maybe.” I say. “I like to think so. I just hope she doesn’t hate us for giving her up.”

“Yeah me too I think…” he hangs his head. I hear him sniffle. Seems like Harry hit the point of drinking where all you could feel is regret. I remember those days. I knew where he was.

When he doesn’t finish his sentence I fill the silence; “Me and Tatum split uh…four years ago now.” I update him. “You probably heard something about it. I remember my mum saying she ran into yours when it was happening. They probably talked all about it.”

I wait for Harry to give confirmation but he stays the way he is.

“I went sober a few years before then. Almost ruined our wedding cuz I was exactly where you were. Unprocessed grief and all I could do was drink about it. I’d given up a baby at 18, then lost a baby a decade later. It feels silly to say out loud, that something that never really came into this world—something the size of a fruit could act like the rock you push up the hill every morning. The grief you fight at your darkest times. How could we be haunted by something that didn’t even exist—not technically. But that’s just the way it was. And that’s the way it had to be when we were 18. I’m not always sure I made the right decision overall but I know it was a decision we had to make at the time. I’ve had to find my peace. So do you Harry.”

“Yeah. I-I have to. Y’know? Sometimes I wonder if I would have made her proud.” Harry sniffles. I had similar thoughts. My throat feels tight remembering. “I don’t think, right now, I would be.”

“She’s so loved. She is so loved Harry. Whatever…wherever she is.”

“I love you.” Harry turns to me. His face is raw with grief and emotion. “Never stopped loving you. But I don’t want to give you this version of me.”

“I’ll take any version of you Harry.” I reassure him. “I think we’ve seen too much of each other to be able to hide anything away.”

He tips forward slowly until his head rests on my chest. I hold him there, just like he’d done for me so many years ago. I tell him the type of thing that meant everything to me back then and I hope it helps him to hear it: “We’ll get through this Harry.”

***

“I don’t remember getting here.”

I look up from my book, Harry stands in my kitchen with a confused look on his face. It was weird seeing him here in my flat. But it was so right too.

“We walked home. I thought you sobered up.”

“Nuh-uh.” He takes a few steps towards me, hesitant.

“Coffee?”

“Maybe I’ll take a shower first?”

“First door on your right. Extra towels in the cupboard.”

“Thanks.”

We look at one another for a beat before he moves back. I make another pot of coffee and clean up from breakfast while he showers.

Next time he walks back in he looks a lot better. Smells nice too.

“Black please.” He says when I hold the coffee up.

I pour him a cup and watch him sip it.

“Thank you for last night.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” I tell him.

“I remember what you said to me. You’re right of course. I think I knew it, I just didn’t have anyone to talk to about it with. Nobody knew about us…”

“You didn’t have to keep it a secret ‘til this day Harry.” I was surprised he had. “You didn’t even tell any of your friends?”

“The only people who knew were my family, a-and Shan. But. Year after year it didn’t mean the same thing to her. I stopped talking to her about it pretty quickly. Think it made it worse because her and I couldn’t actually…”

“Yeah.” I understood.

“But I realized. I think it was losing both of you. I feel like you were taken away too. We just went from being around each other all the time to cold turkey. That was a loss too so…”

“Yeah.” Again, I understood.

“I’m 35. I’ve gotta…get my head on straight.”

I examine him. “Looks okay to me?”

He smiles and puts his cup down.

“I’m sorry to hear about your divorce.”

“Meh that was years ago. Hard then. Fine now. For the best.”

“I agree,” Harry moves around the table to stand where I am. My heart pulses just like it always does around him. He rests a hand on my hip, dragging it up to wrap around my waist. He must feel how hard my heart’s beating. “Did I tell you? That I love you?”

“Maybe?” I feel myself growing more present. The hole that always lived inside of me growing even smaller in this moment. It allows me to settle on the floor better; less air, more weight.

“Well I do. I love you. At 17, or at 35.” He says this with a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth.

“Well. I love you.” I return the kiss, relish in the way his hand grips my tank. “At 17, or 35.”

“Sometimes I wish I held on tighter at 17. But I look at you now and I’m excited to get to know you again.”

His words pour over me like honey. It was sweet we were still on the same page.

“I’m not letting you go this time.” Harry whispers in my ear. He pulls me in tight, swaying from side to side. “I want to spend 41 and 50 with you. I want all of you, every side.”

“Perfect,” I peer up at him. “That’s exactly what I want too.”

“And maybe one day,” he continues in a hush voice. “We’ll get a call from a young girl. She’ll tell us all about her life in a town up north. About a picture she has of her mother dressed like her father and her father dressed like her mother.”

“She’ll tell us she’s had a good life, and she’s thought about the people in the picture. She’d tell us she wants to meet them.”

“We would be able to show her the love we kept for her. Our love’s like a venn diagram, the bit in the middle is just for her. She’d know why she was born in the first place.”

“Closure,” I whisper to him. “We would know closure.”

I remember the day she was taken, how the loss of not even being able to see her felt bigger than the loss of her itself back then.

I think of a 17 year old girl, with green eyes and brown hair. With my smile and Harry’s dimples. My hands, and Harry’s height. She was loved by people, families, that she didn’t even know existed yet.

They say if you love something, let it go. If it’s meant to be it’ll come back.

As Harry and I stay intertwined in the kitchen of my flat, I send out a wish into the universe for her like I did most days. That she was healthy, happy, and one day curious enough to seek us out. That one day, she would come back.

Right now I focus on the man in my arms. The one I never thought I’d get to hold again. For now this was all I needed. I’d loved him, let him go, and after so many years apart, we were back.

#harry styles fic #writingsfromhome #harry styles x reader #harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles imagine #fic #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry stylesxreader #read with caution #sad but hopeful #kinda nervous to post #this fic is qd

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glitteredrry · 1 year

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5 ways harry mentions you on stage

summary: Being Mrs.Styles has it’s perks, but nothing will ever beat when your husband takes time out of his show to shout you out in some way.

warning: all fluff and happiness. small mention of alcoholic beverages.

wc: 1k

1. pointing or blowing a kiss at you

One of the reasons you fell in love with Harry was because of the little things he has done for you since the beginning. When you both started dating of course the world didn’t know, you just seemed like a friend of someone on his team joining the show, that all changed when fans kept questioning who he was blowing a kiss to at each show. By compiling different tour dates videos, fans noticed that he would blow a kiss or point to the side of the stage during specific parts of songs. It wasn’t at each tour date, only when you could attend. Eventually, they matched the air kiss to the face, and the internet went wild because of you. Immediately you were known as Harry Styles' mystery woman. Fast forward five years later, and both of you were still melting the internets’ hearts, only now you were his wife. Love on tour was a whole new ballpark compared to his first tour. He was breaking records left and right, and entertaining anywhere from 17,000 to 80,000 people a night; no matter how big the arena or stadium was he made sure that you knew he was thinking of you. It didn’t matter what kind of day the both of you had, he would never stop showing you that small piece of affection.

2. mimicking your dance moves

Now you know that you’re not the best dancer in the world, but you’re not the popstar of you two. You sure act like it though. Your dance moves are not planned or practical, when you attend the shows you go to support your husband and enjoy yourself. When you’re in the family section sometimes you just really get into the music and start dancing with not a care in the world. Oh, but when Harry notices you, he begins to mock your dance moves until you or the fans pick up what he is doing. He’s not doing it with any malicious intent, or to make you uncomfortable. He genuinely loves to see you dance, he also loves your dance moves because it's so unique. He doesn’t know how to explain it, he loved getting to dance with you in a room full of people. The cameras from fans all bounce between you two and your interaction. In Harry fashion, once you notice you get embarrassed shooing him away, and with a giggle, he is running off to the other side of the stage.

3. “what are we drinking tonight?”

On occasion, before he starts to read the many signs across the rooms held up by his lovely fans, he asks you a question first. What are we drinking tonight? Harry knew that you weren't much of a drinker, and the only time you drank was when he performed. You would sometimes have an alcoholic drink, other times it would just be some water. He would joke and say ‘that’s right honey, treat your body with kindness.’ You knew that he wasn’t serious, but on the nights that you would happen to have something alcoholic, he would be shocked and scream it throughout the arena, ‘tequila! save some for me, love.’ He then reads fans’ signs leaving you with a smile. You loved him more than words could explain.

4. straight up calling you out

During a show, he loved to call you out by name. One of the ways that he did it was through a fan's sign. He would tell a small anecdote about your relationship and people would eat it up each time. For example, a poster would read ‘the love of my life broke up with me, what do I do?’ Harry would pause sympathizing with the fan because one time the love of his life broke up with him. “If they’re the love of your life then they will always find their way back to you. The love of my life broke up with me once. Now, she’s my wife.” The whole crowd would cheer because both of you made sure to be private about your relationship. Then sometimes it would be a silly sign like ‘came here for Y/N but you’re cool too.’ Harry would end up acting like a complete narcissist, “I believe the name of the tour is Harry Styles love on tour, not Y/N Styles. It’s my show, come for me and only me!” The crowd would burst out in laughter causing you to blow kisses to the audience. “Look you guys are making my wife conceited.” You would mouth sorry to him with a smile on your face, laughing at all the reactions across the room. “Alright, we are changing the name to Y/N Styles love on tour. Happy wife, happy life.”

5. flowers

This gesture was something that was private between you two. Each time Harry would catch a bouquet of flowers he would quietly hold it up in the air, notifying you he caught some for you. He placed it somewhere safe on stage where it would remain intact. Each flower that ended up being on stage went to you. Flowers were dedicated to you. Fans of course didn’t know this, because he would give them to you after shows. How did this all start you may ask? When you started dating Harry you were at a more difficult time in your life. He happened to fall into your life when you were in your last year of college. You couldn’t make it to each show, but when you did Harry was appreciative of the sacrifice that you were making to be there. He cherished that you treated him as a priority and never made him feel guilty for taking that extra stretch for him. To show you his appreciation, on your one-year anniversary; He surprised you with a gift that at first you didn’t really understand, but he explained. It was a cluster of different pressed, preserved flowers. Once he explained that each flower represented all the shows you attended. You broke down in tears, and knew that you would be marrying him. Now that you were married, he would always and forever dedicate flowers to you.

a.n.

another little 12am blurb i thought of. i hoped you enjoyed. 💌

#harry styles #harry styles fan fic #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles fic rec #harry styles fic #harry styles fluff #harry styles x y/n #harry styles blurb

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call-sign-shark · 1 month

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Little Lamb part. 1|| Arthur Shelby x Reader x OFC

Summary: They came into your life when you were desperate, convinced no one would ever want you and yet you found yourself not one, but two lovers madly infatuated with you: The infamous Arthur Shelby and his young wife.(Yandere! Arthur Shelby x Reader x Yandere!OFC)

TW: (for the entire short series) Toxic dynamic, polyamory relationship, murders, torture, graphic depiction of violence, heavy allusion to smut, obsessive behavior, possessive!lovers, angst and horror. Inspired by the song The Things I Do For Love by Bludnymph.

Words: 1.4k

Notes:

✞ Since I'm stuck with Tangled Desires' new chapter I thought about taking a break to write a very short three-part story (no more than 1.5k per part). All is already written and it will be posted during the week. It 100% can be read as a stand alone.

✞ Heaven in Reader in the ongoing Arthur x You series Heaven in Your Eyes.

NEXT PART

Love had never been kind to you. The statement might sounded tough but so was the truth. You were either too shy to make the first move, or when you did you undeniably ended up with your heart crushed because you were too nice and, your relatives said, too… understanding. Too soft for this world and painfully too weak for Small Heath. When you left your hometown to start your new barmaid life at the Garrison pub, desperately looking for a job and a new start in life, all your friends had laughed at you: how could a meek little lamb like you could willingly throw herself in this hell, where hungry and violent wolves lurked in every corner, ready to tear her in millions pieces? Still, you paid no heed to their warning and left everything and everyone behind you, fueled by the firm will to prove them wrong.

Surprisingly enough, working at the Garrison had done some good to you despite spending your first days shaking like a leaf each time a loud man talked to you. This, but also hiding behind Harry when the Shelby brothers flooded the place with their piercing blue eyes and their sharp caps. Unfortunately, you had to learn the entirety of the job and it involved plucking up the courage to pour them their drink. They merely noticed you, far too concerned by whatever shady business they were talking about until scrapped but tender fingers brushed against your skin. Slightly jumping, you raised your gaze towards their owner and was quickly met with steel blue iris overhung by dark lashes. "Leave the bottle, love." The oldest of the brotherhood said, gently taking the whiskey from your hand before offering you a surprisingly charming smile.

"You're welcome, Mr. Shelby." Did you manage to reply without any stuttering? No, you didn't but you were already surprised by your ability to actually produce a sound when faced with certainly the most ruthless of these gangsters. You turned your heels, Arthur's eyes burning your back as you walked to another table.

As weeks passed, you grew up more confident and started to navigate more easily in this cursed city. In Birmingham, working as a barmaid was the same as patching up souls: exhausted working-class men, vile gangsters, drunkards, or sad men all found a bit of happiness in the bottom of their glass and in the waitress’ warm smile. Most of your life your softness has been deemed a weakness but here, in the crowded Garrison, your softness wasn’t one. It was a gift that mended the hearts of your clients, and the more you soothed these troubled souls, the more the weight of your own broken heart was alleviated.

You never exchanged more than a few words with Arthur Shelby, but the fact he always asked you to serve him his drinks and thanked you with a pet name was enough for you to feel like a schoolgirl noticed by one of the popular boys around. Yeah, it sounded stupid even in your head but you couldn't help.

Tonight had started the same as ever: you put the whiskey glass on the table and proceeded to walk away when, suddenly, his hand kept you from doing so. With his long fingers wrapped around your wrist, blood still stuck under his nails, the gangster's baritone voice purred “A sweet little lamb you are, ay.” He punctuated his sentence with a seductive wink that made your heart beat faster than usual. “And a fucking pretty one too... How's the night going?"

"Terrible, Harry's in such a bad mood! I haven't found the time to sit and rest for five minutes -- My feet hurt so much I feel like I've walked miles." You said, you joked, hating the idea of whining.

"Why don't ya sit now, little Lamb?" Arthur raised a brow, his thin lips hid behind the whiskey glass.

"Because I'll get scolded, silly!"

Arthur didn't think twice -- he never did actually. His grip strengthened a little bit more around your wrist and, without the slightest warning, he pulled you until you tripped on your own feet and fell right on him. As nimble and quick as a cat, the lanky gangster caught you in his arms and made you comfortably sit on his lap.

"Ar-Arthur?!" You hiccuped, eyes wide open and cheeks flushing red.

"Hell, no one's gonna scold ya as long as ya stay in me arms, ay!"

Quickly swept away, your surprise turned into the most irresistible chuckle he had heard for a while. "Only five minutes alright?"

"Nah." Arthur snapped his fingers to get Harry's attention and raised his hoarse voice, "She's taking her night off to drink with me, mate." He shot you a quick glance and, with his smile growing wider, put on a show "By order of the Peaky Blinders!"

No matter how violent people said he was, you couldn’t help but find yourself enthralled by his dangerous aura and carnivorous smile. Moreover, it was needless to say that he never exhibited any of these brutal behaviors with you -- Quite the contrary, you found a loyal guardian in him, who would walk you home each night to ensure you were safe.

"Y/N, you better forget about him right now... You're really going to be in trouble" Harry stated after he noticed that you were dolling you up before the gangster came, rearranging your hair and putting on some awfully expensive lipstick you had brought earlier.

"Is my taste in men that bad for you to worry?" Your light reply didn't make him laugh, quite the contrary.

"I'm not joking! I don't want you to get fucking killed!"

"Killed? Someone's very pessimistic. Everything will be fine, Arthur would never hurt me okay?" You reassured him with the softest voice you could before your attention shifted to the gangster, who had just arrived.

Arthur noticed the lipstick and did seem to like it considering how his steel-blue eyes lingered far longer on your mouth when you talked to him, wondering how beautiful your red lips would look tightly wrapped around his cock but he didn't let his intrusive thoughts show, "Hey little lamb. I've got someth' to ask you."

"Anything?" You early replied, your smile beaming and your eyes shining.

"Apart from my usual whiskey, I'd like something else. There's a bottle of red wine hidden under the bar, I'd like ya to pour one glass of it, I'll be right back."

A glass of wine? Your heart missed a beat at the realization that he had remembered the day you told him you liked red wine. Butterflies flapped their wings in your stomach, convinced that maybe he was finally going to ask you out, you did as he said and, when done, carefully placed the two glasses on the wooden counter. When his booming voice echoed in the pub again, you raised your eyes and smiled, ready to call him but your voice got stuck in your throat.

No.

As you stood there, frozen in shock, your heart seemed to fracture into a thousand tiny pieces at the sight before you. The man you had secretly longed for, the one who had occupied your every thought and fueled your every feverish dream, was accompanied by a young and stunning lass with her arm tightly wrapped around his. Each caress exchanged between Arthur and her, each whispered word, felt like a betrayal. In that moment suspended in time, tears threatened to spill from your eyes. Of course, you already took notice of the wedding ring on his finger, its shining gold shining brighter than the other silver ones he was always wearing but you had tricked yourself into thinking it was only a jewel. After all, he wouldn't have flirted with you if he was married right? That was what you kept telling yourself, and even not entirely convinced you hoped it would eventually turn out to be true if you believed in it strong enough. He was married, here was what was true. Not only he was married, but the woman by his side was so resplendent with her angel face, her long snow-white hair, and her revealing red dress that your heart felt cold.

"So, you are the little lamb, aren't you?" Her mermaid-like voice emphasized the pet name Arthur had given you, snatching you from your numbness. All the confidence you had gained these past months vanished with the sole power of the eerie frost of her eyes, silently telling you that she knew everything. Impatiently waiting for your reply, her dagger-shaped and perfectly polished nails tapped against the wood, their menacing clicking song making another awful realization blossom in your mind.

Harry didn't think about Arthur when he said you would end up killed. He thought about her.

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#arthur shelby #Yandere x reader #arthur shelby x reader #Peaky blinders #peaky blinders imagine #Arthur shelby x oc #Arthur shelby x you #arthur shelby jr #arthur shelby x y/n #Arthur shelby fanfic #peaky blinders fanfic #Arthur shelby x ofc #Heaven Shelby #peaky blinders x reader #Paul anderson #oc x reader

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allwaswell16 · 4 months

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A fic rec of One Direction songfics where a character hears a song written by another character as requested in this ask. If you enjoy the fics, please leave the writers kudos and comments! You can find my other fic recs here. Happy reading!

— Louis/Harry —

🎼 You Drive Me Round The Bend by TheCellarDoor / @donotdialnine

(M, 77k, hate to love) In which Louis is a spoilt rich kid who’s always on the phone while he drives and Harry is a struggling musician making his way down the mountain. It’s just a matter of time before they crash and burn.

🎼 These Sparks We Light by QuickedWeen / @becomeawendybird

(M, 62k, Johnnyswim au) When Louis' eyes catch on a beautiful man across a crowded room at The Script concert, he becomes instantly infatuated and announces he wants to marry a guy like that.

🎼 Far Away. by dimpled_halo / @comebackassholes

(M, 56k, exes) Harry returns to London after five years. Stuck in the past with "what ifs" and "what might have beens", he sees that his friends and ex (and possible love of his life) Louis have all moved on with their lives while he finds himself questioning his own life choices, past and present.

🎼 Home To You by Crowsonthewire / @crows-onthewire

(E, 54k, childhood friends) At fifteen, Harry wrote his first song for an oblivious seventeen year old Louis Tomlinson. Ten years later he’s a singer/songwriter who cant find any words for his second album and Louis is a closeted actor tired of LA.

🎼 It Happened like a Firefly's Light by LHStylinson / @lhstylinson9193

(G, 47k, famous/not famous) Harry Styles. It was a name everyone knew, a person the public loved. But he had one impossible task. Write and record his third album in a month. This is where Louis Tomlinson comes in.

🎼 Looking Through You by @allwaswell16

(E, 41k, friends to lovers) As Harry tries to make sense of his feelings for Louis, he begins writing his next album to express them as it may be the only way to break through the walls that Louis has built between them.

🎼 all that remains by whimperinglou / @acciohl

(E, 40k, canon) Harry has always written too many songs about him.

🎼 Without you it's a season I ain't needing by @perfectdagger

(M, 38k, break up) A long distance relationship au in which Harry is away for a year and Louis is left to pick up the pieces.

🎼 Bitter Ends Turn Sweet by @allwaswell16

(E, 30k, kidfic) It had been four years since Harry first heard the song his ex wrote about him and far longer since they broke up. He forgave Louis long ago, and now his life was focused on his career, his family, and especially his son, Max.

🎼 Ever since New York by selfwrittenstars

(E, 30k, canon) The one where Harry writes a song about Louis and he finds out.

🎼 Fall At My Door by @kingsofeverything

(E, 29k, famous/famous) A-list actor Harry Styles and award-winning musician Louis Tomlinson have an acquaintances-with-benefits relationship, so whenever their busy professional lives happen to land them in the same city, they meet up.

🎼 Better Walk That (Pap) Walk, Baby by @fallinglikethis , @lululawrence

(NR, 25k, exes) the one where, after years filled with the anger and pain that accompany a bad breakup, Harry and Louis have to try to put it all behind them, at least for the cameras.

🎼 Baby, You Were the Love of My Life by therogueskimo / @bravetemptation

(NR, 24k, canon) Harry needs a place to record one more song for the album, and London has him too in his head. He asks Liam if he can use his country house and set up a studio in his front room, and Liam agrees.

🎼 With These Arms Folded by @taggiecb

(NR, 21k, famous Louis) Harry Styles is living a peaceful existence in California as a very successful song writer. He has his lake house, and his cat, and his small town existence.

🎼 My English Love Affair by @isthatyoularry

(E, 19k, famous/not famous) The one where Harry writes a song about his English love affair and Louis sleeps with someone in White Eskimo and all he gets is a stupid song written about him.

🎼 Naked & Proud by kiwikero / @icanhazzalou

(E, 18k, famous/not famous) In which Harry runs an organic store, not a nudist colony, and Louis doesn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed.

🎼 Don't You Remember? by @reminiscingintherain

(M, 12k, breakup) Harry slammed the door behind him and immediately pressed his face into his hands, before dropping them back to his sides and staring blankly at the wall. Louis had gone.

🎼 To Make Your Heart Remember Me by @casuallyhl

(NR, 5k, canon) Harry and Louis play the songs they wrote for one another.

🎼 spill your emotions into my hands by theweightofmywords / @lil0

(NR, 2k, exes) Harry thinks about the words he’s splayed on pages, how all of the hurt in Louis’ eyes have been spelled out and set to music.

— Rare Pairs —

🎼 Could We Live With Just A Taste? by @lululawrence

(NR, 17k, Louis/Harry/Nick Grimshaw) the one where Louis, Harry, and Nick all take awhile to figure things out, but they get there eventually

🎼 When You Know by lazy_daze

(T, 1k, Louis/Liam) Accidental songwriting boyfriends with accidental songwriting confessions

#1dficvillage #trackinghappily #trackinghome #1dsource #ficsfor4am #tracksintheam

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cinemastyles-backup · 7 months

Text

Spill or Fill Part 2

Summary: After confirming their romance and getting engaged on James' show, Y/N and Harry continue to celebrate their engagement.

Warnings: SMUT18+, strong language, unprotected sex, creampie, pregnancy talk, alcohol consumption, hair pulling, choking, general filth

My original CinemaStyles-blog has been terminated, so I created a new one.

DUNKIRK HARRY

"Congratulation you guys." Jimmy says shaking his head, "I can't believe it. That was.. an epic, epic proposal If I must say."

The crowd cheers and Harry grabs my hand, "Thank you, Jimmy." I smile and looks around to the crowds and back to him, "Thank you, Mr. Fallon."

He laughs, "Oh gosh, please. Jimmy."

I nod, "Thank you, Jimmy."

"So. How did you guys even keep this hidden for so long?" Jimmy asks leaning forward. I look at Harry and he smiles, "I will tell you that it was definitely a challenge. I mean, look at her."

He looks over at me and the crowd cheers.

I blush and shake my head, "Oh Harry."

He squeezes my hand, "It was a fight not to wrap my arm around her when we were getting coffee or something. I like keeping her close to me."

Jimmy nods, "Im sure everyone has had speculations about you but let me just- let's take a look at this photo right here."

A photo appears on the screen of Harry and I standing outside of a shop, "It looks like two friends grabbing coffee catching up on life, you know?"

I nod, "We were in fact dating. I think, belive it or not, I was telling him how I wanted to hold his hand or something along those lines."

"Wow. Really?" Jimmy laughs, "You guys.. I mean wow. This is incredible. I don't think I've ever met anyone who could keep something like this under wraps for so long. Now.."

He looks at the crowed then back to us, "What made you propose during the spill or fill bit?"

The crowd cheers and Harry smiles and shakes his head, "I had absolutely no idea she was coming on. Her and James kept it under lock and key, which was impressive, honestly." He looks over at me, "we've actually talked about whether or not to make our relationship public a few times. She said she wasn't opposed to the idea, and with that I just-" he holds up my hand, showing off my ring.

Jimmy claps, "That's amazing. I'm like, wow. I'm fangirling for you, y/n."

I smile, "Oh trust me. When I seen Harry down on one knee, I was.. I wanted to scream."

I glance up at Harry and he smirks. I know exactly what he's thinking about.

"You guys broke the internet, and I know that because I went to Google something and Google actually told me that they couldn't function because Harry Styles was officially off the market."

Harry bursts out laughing. He tilts his head back and claps his hands together.

I laugh and lean forward, "Oh my gosh, that's hilarious."

The crowd erupts with laughter and Jimmy shakes his head, "Congratulations to the both of you. I wish you the best of luck, and I'll be waiting for my invite to come in mail." He smiles and turns towards the crowed, "Thank you everybody, Harry Styles and Y/N Y/L/N!"

Harry and I wave to the crowed and walk over to hug Jimmy before exiting the stage.

"Hey guys." One of the crew says walking up to us, "Jimmy wants you to head over to to the Grand Lounge when he's done here."

I raise my eyebrows, "Oh?"

"Tell me he isnt." Harry smiles and the lady nods, "He is." She smiles and walks away.

"What is he doing?" I ask pushing myself against Harry. He shakes his head, "You'll see."

——

"Hey guys. Thanks for coming on." Jimmy says walking up, "Did Cheryl talk to you guys?"

Harry nods, "she did."

"Great. See you over there!" Jimmy walks away and Harry wraps his arm around my waist, "Come on."

I'm still so confused as Harry leads me out of the building. He pulls me closer to him as we step out.

Cameras flash and people scream.

He gets me to the car and I climb in as he follows behind me.

"You okay?" He lays a hand on my cheek as the car starts to move.

I nod, "Yeah. Yeah." I look around and raise my eyebrows, "A limo?"

He moves closer to me, "I requested a car with privacy because I knew that seeing you in this dress would just.." he leans in and kisses my neck, "Turn me on."

I tilt my head and lay a hand on his leg, "Harry." I whimper as he bites me gently, "Aren't we-"

"We have a little bit of time." He gets onto the floor in front of me and starts to slowly push my dress up. I bunch it up and move around to lay most of it behind me.

"I've thought about this the whole time." He pushes my panties aside and gently drags his finger up and down my pussy, "I knew you'd be soaked for me."

He leans in and licks a strip,"I can't keep my hands off of you."

Since our engagement, we've gotten invited for interviews, late night shows, everything you can imagine. We haven't really had a full day to ourselves, but Harry promised me that Jimmy was our last show and then we'd go away on a special trip.

I moan and arch my back off the leather interior as his tongue slides in and out of me, "Fuck." He moans against me and grips my thighs tightly with his finger tips digging into me.

I roll my eyes back and tangle my fingers into his hair, "Shit." I gasp and throw a leg over his shoulder, pulling him closer to me, "Fuck. Fuck, Harry."

I let out a loud moan and I can feel myself clenching around his tongue.

I've been so turned on lately, Harry will do anything to get his hands and lips on me. With it being so hectic the last few days, it's always been this, where he eats me out, or I give him a blowjob, or we fuck, but it's all so quick.

My legs start to shake and I let out a gasp, "H-Ha-"

He moans against me which sends me into orbit. My body tenses up and then relaxes along with my grip on his hair.

He slowly pulls away after gently kissing my thighs and pussy a few times and leans back on his calves. He smirks up at me and bites his lip, "God you taste fucking amazing."

He helps fix my panties and pulls my dress down, kissing my ankle and shin before he lays my dress over.

"How much time do we have?" I bite my lip, "You know what. I don't care." I move down into my knees on the floor and position myself between him.

He undoes his belt and watches me as I get his cock from his pants. He lets out a gasp and tilts his head back as I suck on the head. I semi quickly work my way down and bob my head.

He moans and lets a hand on my head, brushing my hair away from my face so he can see me swallow his cock.

"Beautiful." He moans lowly, "The way you take care of my cock is.." he bucks his hips and gasps which is followed by a whimper.

"Fuck baby." I can hear his finger nails drag against the leather seat next to him as he fights to not mess up my hair too much.

"Fuck." He curses as I bob my head faster, "Y/N." He leans forward slightly before slamming his back against the seat.

I can feel his cum shoot out and I suck him as I go to pop off, swallowing his load.

"You're so fucking sexy." He pants, "I'm getting you alone." He pulls me up to kiss him and he fixes his pants.

"Where are we going?" I whisper tracing his visible sparrow tattoo.

"A party."

"A party?" I repeat in question, "What for? Why can't we just go home?"

He turns his head and kisses my forehead, "You'll see, baby."

The car comes to a stop and he looks over at me, "You have a little.." he wipes by my eye, "Your mascara must have ran a bit."

I lean in, pressing my lips to his, "I need you."

"Soon, baby." He pecks my lips, "Soon."

The door opens and he gets out, extending his arm out to me. I grab his hand and get out, smoothing my dress with my other hand.

"Welcome to another engagement party." He leans in and kisses my temple before pulling me along with him.

We walk in and everyone cheers and yells, "Surprise!"

Jimmy is pointing to us with the beat of the music that's playing, "There you are." He walks over, "Happy engagement! Enjoy yourself!"

I laugh and shake my head, "Thank you!" I yell over the music. He walks away and I look at Harry.

He smiles, "Surprise?"

——

A few drinks in and I am feeling myself craving Harry more and more. His body pushes against my back and his hand slides onto my stomach, pulling my closer.

I bite my lip and tilt my head slightly. I push my ass against his crotch and grind onto him. He leans down and his lips brush against my ear, "What are you doing?"

I turn around and grab his suit jacket, "Trying to get you alone."

He smirks and nods once, finishing his drink and nods to the right, "Say no more." He grabs my hand and leads me through the club.

We come to a door with a sign on it that says reserved.

"After you." Harry says opening the door and motioning me through. I walk in quickly and unzip my dress as he's shutting the door.

The lock clicks and he turns around and smiles, "Someone is ready." I walk over to him and slowly unbutton his shirt the rest of the way, "Always ready for you, Mr. Styles."

He bites his lip and I drop down to my knees, undoing his belt and slipping his pants down his legs. I grab a hold of his boxers and teasingly slide them off.

He gasps when his cock springs free and I look up at him. I stick my tongue out and lick a line underneath and wrap my lips around his cock.

He places a hand on the wall and groans, "Fuck, y/n."

I bob my head, the sound of my saliva and sucking fills the room.

"Ah, shit." He gaps and grips my hair, "if- if you keep.. fuck."

He lets me bob my head a few times and pulls his hips back, "You're going to make me cum and I want to make you feel good too, baby."

I nod and he helps me to my feet. He takes me over to the small sofa and points, "Knees."

I get on my knees and grip the back of the couch. He takes off my panties, slowly sliding them over my ass, "Fuck. I love seeing you from this angle."

His hand falls with a loud smack onto my asscheek and i whimper out his name each time he does it.

After four, I can hear him drop to his knees and he pushes his face into my pussy again, his tongue lapping in between my folds.

I hang my head down and moan, "Harry."

He groans against me and pulls my hips back, attacking me with his tongue.

He pulls away and chuckles, "I am in love with you."

He stands up and i look over my shoulder at him, "I love you so fucking much."

He slowly pushes his cock into me and reaches up to grab my throat, "You look so beautiful when I slide my cock into you."

I moan at his words and dig my nails into the couch, "Fuck." I whimper as his grip closes tighter.

He slowly pulls out and thrust back in, "Fuck baby. You feel so good."

He lets go of my neck and grips my hips, his thrusts at a fast rhythm.

I arch my back down and push my hips back, moaning loudly as he fucks me.

"That's it baby." He groans, "Fucking let them know how good I make you feel."

I let out a scream, "Harry."

"Fuck." He pulls out and lays me down on the couch. He crawls on top and slides back into me, "I can't wait to make you my wife."

I bite my lip and smile up at him.

He leans down and kisses me as he thrusts deep, moaning against my lips.

I whimper and wrap my arms around his neck, "You make me feel so good."

He thrusts harder, "I wanna put a baby in you."

I nod, "Please."

"You want that, baby? Want me to cum inside of that beautiful pussy of yours?"

I moan as he thrusts deep into me, pushing me closer to my orgasm. "Mm, y-yes."

"Fuck." He groans, "Cum for me first, sweetheart."

I wrap my legs around him, clenching around him as I throw my head back, "Harry." I breathe out. I pull him closer to me and moan, "Fuck."

"Shit." Harry moans and pushes deep in me, his thrusts gradually slow down as he pumps his cum inside of me.

I run a hand through his hair and smile up at him, "Here's to new beginnings I guess." I laugh and kiss him.

"New beginnings." He whispers before he places his lips gently on my lips.

"We better get back out there. We're probably being looked for." I sit up as he stands up.

He nods with a smile and picks up my dress, "Let me help you get dressed."

——

You can find part three here

Likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated and don’t forget to hit follow! ♥

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blouisparadise · 8 months

Text

Today we have the fourth part to our established relationship rec list for you! If you'd like to check out the previous parts, you can find part one here, part two here, and part three here. If you enjoy our rec lists, please show these fics love and be sure to like and reblog this post to help spread the word. Happy reading!

1) Heaven In These Sheets | Explicit | 3,557 words

Bunny Hybrid Louis has it out for his boyfriend’s phone.

2) Comfort Is Found When I'm the Only Thought on Your Mind | Mature | 5,087 words

Prompt 396: Established relationship - very domestic PWP. Louis complains about being out of his favorite moisturizer, and Harry suggests giving him a facial.

3) Stripper | Not Rated | 6,579 words

Harry is a bartender at the same strip club Louis works at. They're a power couple.

4) Call My Love In | Explicit | 6,601 words

And it’s cheeky and bold and so fucking Louis that Harry’s almost blindsided by it, takes it like a slap in the face to be reminded, yet again, that he is so eternally thankful to have found this boy. This boy who will bite at him with words, with teeth, will claw at him with hands, will destroy his heart by loving it fiercely, will put it back together again with a look, with a thought, and is never, ever, afraid to be so utterly himself around him; Harry’s so in love he can’t think straight.

5) Act Out | Explicit | 6,721 words

Harry leans forward so he's closer to Louis's ear, and murmurs, "If I was your husband, I'd never let you out of my sight." It’s ridiculous. He is his husband. There’s hundreds of photos, and official papers, and rings, and two babies with the last name Tomlinson Styles that prove it. But it’s also possessive, and hot and Louis doesn’t know what he was expecting when Harry told him he wanted to try roleplaying a little, but so far he’s not complaining.

6) Alone Too Long | Explicit | 10,371 words

By the time The Temptress finally reached bay, the Captain only had one thing on his mind, and that one thing was Louis Darling.

7) Under the Same Sun | Explicit | 10,662 words

Louis and Harry live 400 miles away from each other. Sometimes it’s hard. (internet boyfriends, indie bands, and happy endings) “I already miss you. I miss you all the damn time.” Louis says, because it’s late enough for honesty.

8) Out Of The Woods | Explicit | 15,560 words

The past and the future merge to meet us here. What luck. What a fucking curse.

9) Everything I Do | Explicit | 16,390 words

Harry’s ready, has been for a while now, and he’s fairly certain Louis is too, it just hasn’t been on the top of their priority list. There have been offhand mentions, a comment here and there, more in jest than anything, no serious discussion or consideration. Harry stands up straighter, a stomach-churning thought forming in his mind. Has Louis been waiting for him to ask?

10) Three's A Crowd, Four's A Party | Mature | 16,659 words

Harry and Louis tell their five year old they're pregnant.

11) Were We Ever This Young? | Explicit | 17,296 words

Hogwarts AU in which Harry and Louis both return to give talks to seventh years about the 'real world' with slightly varying results. Inspired by the Chilton scene between Rory and Paris in the new Gilmore Girls.

12) Under the Lights Tonight | Explicit | 20,905 words | Sequel

Note: There is a BH mention.

Harry’s an A-list supermodel, Louis’s his make-up artist boyfriend. They’re something of a dream team.

13) Suddenly They're Right | Explicit | 22,384 words

Louis is a painting professor with an art block the size of Texas and a global superstar for a non-boyfriend, who he wants to keep.

14) Wrote You a Love Letter | Not Rated | 23,092 words

Where Louis writes love letters to Harry through the good and bad times over their years together, until the very end.

15) The Devil’s In The Details | Explicit | 25,372 words | Sequel

He squeals when Harry smacks his bum as he bends over to pick up his bag, swinging it over his shoulder. Harry smiles smugly at him, bottom lip caught between his teeth. “When are you going to start calling me professor?” He asks. “When you actually are one,” Louis says with his hand on the doorknob. He cocks his head to the side in curiosity. “Isn’t that how words work? You did study English, right?” Louis’ quick to slip out the door before Harry can smack him again, his laugh echoing through the hallways as he makes his way to his next class with flushed cheeks and a bright smile.

16) Fetish For My Love | Explicit | 27,388 words

Louis has too many worries to even think about a moment of peace in the days that now exhaust him and become a complete rush for him. Fortunately, Harry doesn't take long to take care of the matter as he knows that he has wanted it so much, finding the solution in a particular sheet full of colored stickers.

17) Lovin' Online | Not Rated | 27,627 words

“Huh?” Harry asks, muffled by his forearm. He feels lips on his face and the tip of Louis’ nose against his ear when Louis repeats himself. Brain sluggish with sleep, it takes a moment for him to process the words, but his eyes snap open, and he’s met with darkness. He's got to be dreaming, there’s no way Louis just said what he thinks he said. “What did you say?” He can see the vague shrug from Louis before he turns around to toss the towel with the pile of their discarded clothes. “Did you say…” he starts slowly, automatically slinging his arm around Louis as he gets back into bed and throws the blankets over them. “That we should make a sex tape?” Louis asks rather nonchalantly for such a big proposition. He cuddles easily into the warm body and confirms, “Yes, I did.”

18) Like The Stars Above | Explicit | 33,759 words

Louis has a witchy little secret that is slowly ruining his relationship. When that secret comes out, it turns out that he has a lot more to worry about than just losing the love of his life. He might lose everything.

19) Beneath The Shining Stars | Explicit | 35,207 words

A Hamlet retelling/AU on steroids, where Harry is Hamlet, Louis is Horatio, and comedic chaos ensues (with a dash of tragedy). Featuring the rest of OT5 and the original characters of Shakespeare's "Hamlet".

20) These Hallowed Woods | Not Rated | 35,535 words

Louis becomes Luna of the Tomlinson Pack after the untimely death of his father, the Pack Alpha. Saddled with his newfound responsibility and an unpleasantly demanding pack council, he finds secret respite in the arms of a rogue wolf that camps out just outside his territory. The only problem? The rogue has no idea who Louis actually is, and as Louis falls harder and harder for the man he escapes to every night, the weight of his lies steers him along a path of certain misery.

21) This Glass House | Mature | 42,072 words

While deployed, Alpha Harry gets injured by an IED explosion, leaving him to deal with severe injuries in its devastating aftermath. During his road to acceptance and recovery he learns with the help of Louis and their children just how important family can be for the mind, body, and soul.

22) Show Me Life Like I've Never Seen | Mature | 42,948 words

Louis never expected to leave the small art studio three blocks down from his job with anything besides the painting he caught a glimpse of and simply couldn't forget.

23) Til' The Darkness Softly Clears | Explicit | 45,430 words

Something thuds nearby, and Callie sits up in bed, eyes still fuzzy from sleep. She yawns and rubs her eyes, looking around the room for the source of the noise. When she doesn’t see anything, she huffs quietly. Sliding to the floor, her feet take her towards the door. At the doorway, something disturbs the silence again: the distant sound of footsteps. Callie holds her breath and creeps out of the room. On the landing, she stands on her toes to peer over the railing. She can see the front door, and, outside, through the windows on either side of the door, she sees a shadow pass by. It walks one way, then disappears from sight for a second before it turns and walks back in front of the door. Callie’s eyes widen, and she backs up from view when the figure pauses its pacing directly in front of a window. Slowly, it turns, and it seems to stare right through the window, directly at her.

24) Flash Back To Me | Explicit | 73,068 words

Louis narrows his eyes, wanting more than anything to tell Liam to go fuck himself, but he can’t be sure, is the thing. As much as he knows for a fact that he would never date someone like Harry Styles, he has months missing from his memory. And it’s scary to think that, in that time, everything he’s come to know about himself could have changed so drastically.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

#larry #bottom louis #top harry #blp fic recs #blp #established relationship

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sensitiveandhungry · 1 year

Text

Proud

bang chan x gn!reader

703 words

fluff, established relationship, chris and reader are so whipped

a/n: i wrote this for my beautiful moot, @whatudowhennooneseesyou <3. here you go my ruby, chris would be so proud of u. this was also very helpful to me to get me back into writing, so actually thank u, ruby.

recommended song: Matilda by Harry Styles

It was your graduation ceremony this week. You were so nervous, you had just been working so hard to get to this point. Years of classes, studying, and finals later you had finally finished and could graduate in your chosen college.

Due to life circumstances, you didn’t really have much in the way of family or friends, but you did have your ever-loving, loyal boyfriend, Chris. He had been with you every step of the way throughout your higher education. He was the one who made sure you took care of yourself during finals, tests, and study sessions. He was overall a steadfast source of support whenever you were having a hard time. It was of utmost importance to you that he attended your ceremony with you and that you celebrated together.

On the day of the ceremony, you oh-so-carefully got ready, making sure everything was perfect. You wanted to feel your most confident as you walked the stage and accepted your degree. Chris was quick to compliment you, spinning you around and pointing out multiple things on your person that he loved.

Driving in the car to the arena where the graduation was being held, you kept wringing your hands and picking at your nails. Chris picked up on your nervous habit pretty quickly, and laid a cool hand on top of your sweaty ones, giving a gentle squeeze. “It’s okay baby, you’re going to do so great, and it’s going to be a wonderful time.”

Chris dropped you off at the entrance so you could find your place in line within your college, and he went off to hunt for a parking spot.

After the ceremony opened, it was soon your turn to stand up and get in line to receive your certificates. Your eyes frantically searched the seats of the arena, looking for Chris, and saw him absolutely beaming at you while waving his hands above his head. You gave a very happy wave back, a smile now on your face as well. Once it was your turn to go onto the stage, you were able to confidently walk, shake hands, receive your items, and pose for a picture. The entire encounter only lasted 30 seconds at best, but in those 30 seconds you could see Chris staring at you unabashedly, love and adoration completely apparent in his eyes, even from far away.

After you went back to your seat and everyone else had gone, the president of each college came up to give their final speeches, and then you were all dismissed. You immediately made eye contact with Chris and began swimming through the crowd, determined to reach your lover as fast as you could. Once you reached Chris at a small clearing, he instantly pulled you in a big hug, rocking you back and forth before picking you up and spinning you in a circle. “You did it baby! I’m so proud of you! You looked amazing up there. All of your hard work has paid off.” Chris then picked up a bouquet that had been set at his feet and gave it to you. “Great job my love.”

You received the bouquet and gave Chris a kiss, making him giggle and turn a light shade of red. Then you managed to get the attention of a nice couple, who were able to take a picture for you and Chris. Once they handed your phone back, you looked at the picture and what you saw brought tears to your eyes. You were absolutely beaming into the camera, clinging onto the bouquet and Chris. Chris, however, also had a massive grin on his face, and was looking right at you. You could see how much he loved you in how he looked at you. You turned to him with your teary face and held his in your palms. “I love you Chris. Thank you so very much for being with me here today. You have no idea how much it means.” “I love you too, babygirl. I will always be here for you, no matter what. I am so, so very proud of you. I mean it. You have done so much to reach this point. Congratulations, my love.”

if you enjoyed this, please consider reblogging and leaving your comments in the tags!

taglist: @bbujiikseu, @alyszaen

#stray kids fluff #skz fluff #bangchan fluff #stray kids scenarios #skz scenarios #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #skz x reader #stray kids x reader #skz x y/n #stray kids x y/n

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shawnsprincesse · 2 years

Text

Rear View (Harry Styles AU)

WARNING, this story contains:

Sex

Dirty talk

Choking

Bratty sub

TW AGE GAP

Melanie’s dads chauffeur picks Melanie up after a night out and after not getting lucky at the club she’s hoping he’ll give her a good time instead, the problem is he doesn’t want to lose his job and there’s a clear age gap between them.

Aka

Melanie masturbates in the car and Harry watches her in the rear view mirror before deciding to finally fuck her.

AN: I imagined this as long haired harry while writing it but you can imagine whatever you want. Also, I don’t specify his age so you can imagine whatever age you’re comfortable with when it comes to the age gap part.

I watched as the long black limousine pulled up to the curb, punctual as always. After a long night out with the girls I was tired, tipsy and ready to go home. It was a warm October night in Hollywood and the hills were crowded with people trying to get into the popular nightclubs along the streets. Lucky for me, I was able to get in wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted despite only being eighteen. My dad is a part of Hollywood’s elite, he’s worked with countless movie stars and I was basically raised on a movie set. This gives me tons of benefits when it comes to socializing, I’m always on the VIP list and I’m always invited to movie premieres and other big Hollywood events.

Being raised by industry parents definitely has it’s perks but there are always several downsides to it. My parents raised me to always be polite, always be on my best behavior and to never lash out on people not matter how I really feel. This is usually not a problem because I am over all a quite happy person but with social media and the endless amount of haters and trolls on line testing my patience I sometimes have a hard time biting my own tongue.

”I guess I’ll see you Monday at school?” Josh, some random boy I met at the club said as he watched the limo pull up next to me on the curb.

”I guess.” I shrugged not really interested in seeing him on Monday or ever again. ”Thank you for tonight, I had a great time.” I lied as I turned to give Josh a brief hug. It wasn’t that I had a bad time, I just expected to have a better time, if you know what I mean. It’s pretty obvious that I’m not going home with him and honestly what’s the point of going clubbing if you’re not gonna get fucked afterwards?

”You too. Text me when you get home.” Josh smiled. He’s a great guy and we’ve been talking for a while now but things just aren’t doing it for me. When he asked me if I wanted to go out clubbing I thought for sure that this was going to be the night where I’d get laid which is why I put on my sexiest black dress and got all dolled up for the night.

I don’t have a problem getting laid, guys basically line themselves up for me and I’m not the one to tell them no, for the most part I’m not picky. I lost my virginity when I was sixteen and I’ve probably slept with like fifteen to twenty guys since then so it’s not like I’m ugly or anything. I just don’t understand why Josh didn’t make a move tonight, I guess he’s too nice and is hoping to take things slow but I honestly don’t have time for that.

I’m not looking for a relationship, I’m only eighteen and when you’re eighteen you’re supposed to go out, get drunk and have fun, not settle down and get married. My mother had me when she was only twenty and look at her now, she’s basically just working for my dad, taking care of the house and occasionally drinks wine with her friends. I don’t want to settle down at twenty only to have boring book club meetings with wine when I’m forty-five. I wanna live life.

The limousine driver stepped out of the driver’s seat and walked around to open the door for me. ”How are you tonight, Miss Dorsey?” The driver spoke politely.

”Didn’t I tell you to call me Melanie, or Mel for short?” I teasingly asked as I stepped into the vehicle.

”You did. I’m just trying to keep things formal.” My dad’s driver spoke politely. He was very well mannered despite his tossed up look.

”Well, don’t.” I corrected him with a soft, reassuring smile. He’s too hot to be calling me Miss Dorsey anyway, it sounds like he’s talking to my grandma.

Harry is one of dads newest drivers. He’s got this disheveled look to him where his slacks aren’t perfectly ironed, his dress shirt is always unbuttoned at the top and his long luscious curls are just messily pushed to the back. If I had to guess I would say he’s in his mid to late twenties and for me he ticks all the boxes. He’s got a great jawline, nice plump lips and beautiful green eyes and honestly I don’t need to know much more about him in order to fuck him.

”Where to Miss- I mean Mel?” Harry quickly tried to correct himself. Harry hasn’t formally introduced himself to me, I just happen to know his name by his name tag. My dad hired this company that sells chauffeur services so we’re not always guaranteed to get the same driver and I’ve only ever met Harry twice before but let me tell you the moment I laid my eyes on him, I knew I wanted him inside me.

”The beach house.” I responded ever so politely like my mother had taught me. Daddy has a beach house in Malibu and most of the time it sits empty which is perfect for me when I need to spend some time alone or get laid. My dad works late hours and early mornings so he pretty much barely sees me come and go and my mother goes everywhere with him as his personal assistant so I’m pretty much free to do whatever I want and as an only child I rarely get punished for anything.

”Yes ma’am.” Harry nodded as he looked at me through the rear view mirror.

I adjusted myself in the seat, pulling my short dress down to a comfortable position as I reached back to buckle my seatbelt. I could feel Harry’s eyes on me as I shifted slightly on top of the leather cushion, my legs tightly knit together in a lady-like manner. Of course I noticed his obvious staring but I pretended not too as the skirt ”accidentally” slipped back up over my thighs, revealing more and more of my bare skin.

”Can I ask for your opinion?” I innocently spoke as I looked back at Harry.

”Sure.” He replied, he seemed about as clueless as a mouse in a mousetrap.

”What do you think about this dress? Daddy says it’s a bit too short but I don’t know. Do you agree?” I asked, forcing him to look at me and the little black dress once again.

Harry nervously scratched his neck as he struggled to figure out the right answer. He could either agree with me and admit that he found the inappropriate dress flattering on me or he could disagree with me and upset his boss’ daughter.

”Uhm-” He choked out nervously as he tried not to stare at me for too long.

”Daddy doesn’t think it’s appropriate since I’m only eighteen but I mean, I’m an adult. What do you think Harry?” I asked as I bit the corner of my lip, my voice soft and innocent as I slowly batted my lashes at him in a flirtatious manner.

He choked out a hmpf as he heard my sweet innocent voice spell out his name. I was already dead set on getting this man into my bed. Josh’s disappointment really settled it for me, I don’t need high school boys in my life, I need real grown men that knows what I want and aren’t afraid of giving it to me.

”Uhm I think-” Harry nervously choked out as he was unable to tear his gaze away from the revealing dress and the curves of my body. ”It uh, it’s great.” He managed to spit out an answer after taking a long look at the way the dress hugged my large breasts and wide hips.

”I knew it. See my daddy is so old fashioned, like at this point I’m a grown woman I should be allowed to wear what I want.” I spoke with innocence laced over my voice. At this point Harry probably thought I was just drunk and rambling when really it was just a part of the seduction.

”Mhmm.” Harry hummed in agreement as he tried his best to hide his not so subtle gaze into the rear view mirror.

”Also, I’m so sorry I had to call you this late…” I politely apologized as I continued to reel Harry in with my sweet seduction. ”I was out with this guy, Josh, right… and he asked me to go clubbing with him but he didn’t even have the decency to give me a ride home or anything.” I continued to mindlessly rant to give off the appearance that I was slightly more drunk than I really was, mostly because if my seduction didn’t work I could just blame everything on the alcohol and avoid completely embarrassment.

I’ve slept with older guys before but not guys that are this much older, they’ve usually just been a year or two older, college guys at best. So I’m kind of new to this whole, seducing older men technique and if it fails I’ll probably just stick to college guys because they’re the easiest target anyway.

”Of course, no worries.” Harry responded while flashing me a polite smile.

I leaned forward in my seat, my elbows now resting on my knees as I sat behind Harry. I could inhale his scent and smell the sweet scent of his cologne as I breathed softly behind him.

”Josh really wasn’t gonna do it for me anyway…” I continued to speak, now in a low seductive voice as I was right behind Harry in his seat. ”I think I need a real man to satisfy me.” I whispered right behind Harry’s head rest. I’m sure he could feel my heavy breath against his neck at this point and it was almost like I could taste his skin and see the little neck hairs rise as he realized what I was doing.

His initial reaction was to nervously cough as he kept his eyes on the road, for a second he pretended like he didn’t hear me although I’m pretty sure he heard me loud and clear.

”It’s so hard to find a real man these days…” I continued to rant in my low seductive voice, playing it off like I was a little too drunk when in reality I was dead serious and knew exactly what I was doing. ”All these high school boys don’t know how to treat a woman right, you know?” I continued to drunkenly swoon into Harry’s ear to the point where he could no longer act like he didn’t hear me. ”I bet you know how to treat a woman right…” I continued to speak lowly. ”Bet you know just the right way to satisfy me…” I sing-sang drunkenly as I leaned forward as close to Harry’s ear as I possible could with the headrest separating us.

”Miss Dorsey!” Harry tried to interrupt me with another loud cough.

”Oh c’mon.” I dismissed his nervous cough. ”I know you want to.” I cooed teasingly as I looked at him through the rear view mirror, his green eyes nervously shifting across the empty road as he tried his best to ignore my advances.

”I think you’ve had a little bit too much to drink Miss Dorsey.” Harry politely and professionally declined.

”I see the way you look at me.” I ignored his exclamation as I continued to whisper sweetly into his ear with my seductive voice.

”I can’t. Your dad would fire me.” Harry choked out, quietly admitting that he wanted to and the only thing stopping him was my dad. ”I’d lose my job!”

”Daddy doesn’t have to know.” I whispered softly into his ear. ”It’ll be our little secret.” I cooed ever so sweetly as I breathed heavily against Harry’s neck.

”No, no, no, no.” Harry called out loudly as if he’d snapped back into his senses and before I could know it, the little seductive games were over. ”You’re just drunk.” Harry called out dismissively as he leaned forward and pressed the little button that activated the separating privacy wall between us.

Suddenly I was left alone in the backseat, I let out a sigh as I leaned back into my seat and crossed my arms in disappointment. Damn, this night’s going so well, I thought to myself as I looked out at the dark night. Malibu is like a thirty minute drive from the hills and now I’m stuck in a car with a man that doesn’t want to fuck me and I’m mostly likely just gonna have to go to bed once I get home, what a successful night.

I might as well kick off my shoes, I thought to myself as I shrugged out of the tight leather hells. I already had blisters on the back of my foot and the top of my pinky toe. I looked down at my painted toe nails and shrugged as I put them up in the air to restore my blood flow. My feet and legs were aching from the heels being worn all night and the blisters were already red and bruised, matching the color of my nails.

I felt my skirt ride up my thighs and butt as I adjusted in my seat. My feet were now placed on the back of the privacy wall as I somewhat laid down in the backseat. My pussy was aching for attention and since this night was such a disaster I figured I would have to take matters into my own hands at this point.

I let one of my hands slide down between my legs, hoping that the simple touch would somehow soothe my pussy’s aching need for attention but it wasn’t good enough. It had been screaming for attention all night and with twenty minutes left of the drive, I wasn’t sure if I could wait until we got home.

My hand rubbed against the thin fabric of my panties over and over again in a soothing manner hoping that the burning ache between my legs would calm down just enough for me to make it home. I closed my eyes and let out a sigh as I continued to rub my hand over my clothed pussy. I thought about what a disappointing night it had been a how I’d rather have a real proper cock in me than having to down this on my own later tonight. Without dwelling too much on the fact that neither Josh or Harry wanted to fuck me, I thought about how good it was going to feel to finally get home and be able to properly touch my pussy and maybe I’d take a long nice shower and play with the shower head or find a nice pillow to grind my pussy against, anything that would soothe the aching need between my legs.

”Fuck.” I moaned quietly as I thought about making myself come. I realized that I don’t need a guy to come, I could just fuck myself with whatever object was available to me whether it be my own hands, a hot shower head or a firm pillow, maybe having to take care of things myself wasn’t the worst thing that could happen in the world.

As I continued to rub myself through my panties my mind wandered away from the endless possibilities of self-pleasuring to actually having a cock inside me. I wonder what Harry would be like in bed, he’s so much older than me and probably more experienced. He’s probably got a real good cock and knows how to use it properly unlike the boys at my school.

”Fuck!” I moaned again at the thought of Harry’s cock entering my wet, needy little teen pussy. I bet men his age fantasize about fucking young teens like me all the time, after all there’s a reason for teen 18+ being the top category on Pornhub.

”Everything okay, miss?” Harry asked and my eyes shot open as I was interrupted by his voice. The private wall was slowly pushed back down and I didn’t have enough time to hide what was actually going on behind the curtains as Harry looked at me through the rear view mirror.

”Mhmm.” I moaned deciding to not even bother hiding what I was doing since he already thought I was too drunk to function at this point.

Instead of hiding my rubbing motions, I continued to move my hand between my legs. The privacy wall was now down and I had to place my feet back on the ground, causing me to shift further in my seat. I spread my legs wide enough to give Harry a clear view of what I was doing as his eyes kept lingering on the rear view mirror.

My fingers pushed the thin cotton fabric of my panties to the side to expose the delicate parts between my legs. I trailed my fingertips gently against my moist slit as I refused to look away form Harry’s eyes in the rear view mirror. He was watching me and I knew it. If he wasn’t gonna fuck me, the least I could do was put on a good show to show him what he’s missing out on.

I bit the corner of my lip as I played with my wet pussy. My fingers danced across the soft, warm skin as I leaned back in my seat. Heavy breaths exited my mouth and filled the air as I gently rubbed my clit in circles, soothing the aching needs within me.

”Fuck…” I moaned once again as I finally, after some light teasing, slid one of my fingers inside me.

Harry watched through the rear view mirror as I kept touching and teasing myself in the backseat. He tried to ignore my heavy breathing and pretended like he was too busy focusing on the road. Feeling bold and brave, I pushed another finger into my tight aching pussy, my hips grinding slowly against the leather seat as my own digits filled me up.

”Don’t you wanna fuck this tight little pussy, Harry?” I moaned as I began to move my fingers inside me. I could see Harry’s green orbs shift around the rear view mirror as I began to fuck myself in the back seat. The sound of my slick fingers slipping in and out of my sopping wet pussy echoed through the large car as I leaned back, spreading my knees further apart to give Harry and even better view. ”I know you want to feel how tight my little teen pussy feels wrapped around your big cock.” I continued to moan as I looked at Harry through the mirror.

My fingers slid into my pussy with ease, I’d been needy for something inside me all night and now that I finally got it, I wasn’t gonna stop any time soon. Harry could either enjoy the show or ignore it. Regardless, I was dead set on making myself come.

”Oh fuck, it feels so good.” I moaned as I pushed another finger into my mouth to playfully suck on it while Harry’s eyes nervously shifted between the road and the rear view mirror. ”I could really use a big fucking cock to stretch me out properly.” I continued to talk dirty as I looked straight into the rear view mirror while sucking on my finger.

The sucking on a finger trick usually does wonders because guys can’t help but to imagine it being their own cock and it drives them crazy, for me it works all the time. Harry stayed silent as he watched me devour my own finger with my mouth, my tongue licking at it as if it was a big juicy popsicle. He pressed his lips into a thin line as I continued to moan for him in the backseat.

”I bet you’ve got a nice, big cock for me to suck on.” I moaned as I continued to make playful sucking noises around my finger.

”Melanie-” Harry tried to object, the sigh in his voice indicating his frustration as he forced my name to spill out of his gritted teeth.

”I won’t tell daddy a thing, I promise.” I moaned as I pressed another finger into my mouth. With two fingers thrusting into my pussy and two fingers playfully grinding into my mouth I closed my eyes and continued to touch and devour myself the way my body deserved to be devoured. ”I know you’re thinking about it, please, just let me have your cock.” I pleaded softly as I continued to suck on my fingers, my mind imagining that they were actually Harry’s cock.

”I can’t lose my job over this!” Harry huffed in frustration, rejecting my request and all of my advances even though I knew that deep down inside he wanted me.

”C’mon, I won’t tell anyone.” I pleaded innocently. ”I’m so fucking wet and needy, please, I just need a cock in me.” I pleaded like the sweet innocent girl I’d been before.

”Uhm- just-” Harry frustrated tried to somehow save himself from this situation but there was nowhere for him to go. He was trapped in the car with me for another fifteen minutes and I sure was determined to make them a living hell for him.

”Please Harry-” I whined softly as I continued to play with my pussy for him at full view. His green orbs focusing more on the rear view mirror than the road at this point. ”I bet all those other boys can’t give it to me like you can.” I moaned as I looked at him through the mirror.

I could hear him swallow hard, the gulp being the only audible noise inside the car except for the sound of my wet pussy.

Harry didn’t respond. He kept quiet and I was really impressed by his self-control. Older men tend to have more self-control compared to high school boys so I really shouldn’t be surprised. I didn’t need Harry to respond to keep the show going though.

I continued to finger myself all the way home, edging myself to tease myself properly in front of Harry but also to prolong the pleasure my body was finally experiencing. I hadn’t masturbated with anyone else before and the thrill of having someone watching me definitely was quite the turn on. I could see why people do live cam shows and shit like that because knowing that someone is watching you touch yourself definitely adds some spice to the situation.

When the car finally came to a stop Harry jumped out as if nothing had happened and I let out a sigh as I realized the fun was almost over. The door next to me opened up but I refused to remove my fingers from my dripping pussy, it felt too good and I was too worked up to just stop in the middle of it all.

”You sure you don’t wanna fuck me?” I asked, hoping that he would finally give in to my temptations and rail me in the backseat.

Harry stood by the door in silence, his hand holding a firm grip on the edge of the door as he waited for me to step out, but instead I just shifted in my seat as I flailed my legs out of the door opening and spread them wide for him to watch my fingers slide deeper into my wet little hole.

”My pussy feels so tight and warm around my fingers.” I whispered as I spread my pussy lips apart so he could watch me fuck myself for him. I was dripping all the way onto the leather seat and I could feel my thighs clench in anticipation as I kept edging myself, my fingers moving in long, slow strokes to keep my pussy satisfied by not overwhelmed. ”If you’re not gonna fuck me, can I at least see your dick?” I tried to bargain as if this was some kind of negotiation. ”I could just come from the sight of it.” I moaned as I bit the corner of my lip.

”Get out.” Harry spoke through gritted teeth, his voice filled with frustration rather than anger and I could tell he was losing his self-control at this point.

”But I’m so close.” I whined in protest as I used my other hand to rub over my clit. Both my hands worked hard to get myself off and I didn’t wanna stop until I had a proper orgasm. ”Maybe if I could just have a little peak, that would make me come.” I batted my lashes at him innocently, hoping that it would drive him mad enough to give into my needs.

”Melanie-” Harry’s voice was stern and determined as he tapped his fingers against the door in frustration.

”Mmm you sound so hot when you say my name like that.” I continued to ignore Harry’s requests. ”I like it.” I moaned in return as I stubbornly continued my little masturbation show for Harry. ”Say it again!” I panted heavily as I looked up into Harry’s green eyes. He gritted his teeth against each other as he pressed his mouth into a thin line while I was testing his patience. He looked so hot all riled up and angry like this.

”Get out of the car, Melanie.” Harry spoke again with a firm voice as he clenched his fist around the door. He looked like he was about to pry it open even further, breaking it off it’s handles as he pressed his clenched fist around the edge of it.

”Wow, you sound just like my daddy.” I moaned tauntingly. ”So serious.”

”Get! Out!” Harry tried once more as I continued to test his patience the way I used to test my daddy’s patience when I was a little girl.

”Make me, Daddy.” I moaned as I slid my fingers up to my mouth to suck my own pussy juices off of them. It was once again time for the finger trick. I batted my innocent lashes at Harry as I sucked my fingers off with soft moans escaping my lips at the same time. I refused to break eye contact as I pretended like my fingers were his sweet cock. My tongue devoured the taste of my own pussy as I swirled it on top of my fingers and all over their creases.

Harry was just about to pull me out of the car when I let out a soft giggle. His strong wrist grabbed a tight hold of my arm as he tried to yank me out of the vehicle but I refused to give in that easily. I did my best to resist but he was too strong and suddenly I was pulled to my bare feet and stood on the concrete outside my parents Malibu home.

”So rough, I like it.” I cooed teasingly as Harry held me firmly by my arm. I used my free hand to touch Harry all over his body, my hand squeezing his tight shoulders and running it’s way all the way down his torso and in between his legs. He released a sharp gasp as I squeezed his cock between my small, delicate fingers and I released another soft giggle as his green eyes widened in surprise at my forwardness.

”Listen, you’re gonna go inside and we’re never gonna speak of this again!” Harry ordered me firmly.

”You can’t tell me what to do, you’re not my daddy.” I fought back as I tried to withdraw my arm from his tight grip.

”I don’t care, you’re gonna do as I say.” Harry’s firm voice sent chills down my spine.

”And if I don’t?” I questioned him like the stubborn little girl I am. It became very apparent that Harry didn’t have an answer for that and a cheeky grin appeared on my lips as I realized that. ”What if I tell daddy?” I sing-sang tauntingly as I stared back at Harry.

”Tell him what?” Harry asked confused. ”That you inappropriately came onto me, one of his employees?”

”What if I lie?” I grinned, I wouldn’t lie to get anyone in trouble, I just wanted to see his reaction. ”Don’t act like you didn’t like it…” I whispered seductively. ”I know you liked watching me play with myself otherwise your cock wouldn’t be so fucking hard right now.” I whispered the words into Harry’s ears as my small, delicate hand squeezed tightly around the clear bulge in his pants. ”Now, you either give me what I want or I’ll tell daddy what a bad employee you are.” I moaned as I rubbed my hand over Harry’s thick bulge. Some would find this strategy manipulative and wrong but I don’t think you can call it manipulation when you know the other person really wants it as well, I’d call it encouragement.

”You’re such a needy little girl, aren’t you?” Harry said as he squeezed my arm tighter and pushed me roughly up against the car.

”Mhmm.” I choked out a moan as the back of my body hit the car with force. My eyes stared into Harry’s wild green eyes as I watched him finally give into his desires. His free hand pushed itself between my legs and directly against my bare pussy. He rubbed his whole hand against my slit and I let out a soft moan as I felt myself crumble weak at my knees by his single touch.

”Is this what you wanted?” Harry asked as he moved his hand firmly between my legs, coating his palm in my juices as he pushed me up against the car. His other hand moved up my arm, over my chest where he squeezed my breasts tightly and up over my collarbones to my neck. He placed his hand over my neck as his thumb gently caressed my skin and I released a heavy breathe, intimidated and turned on by his rough touch at the same time.

”Yes!” I whimpered as Harry grabbed a hold of my neck. I rolled my head back as I felt two of his fingers slide into my wet core. His hand continued to caress my neck in a soft, tender manner as he slid his fingers slowly in and out of me.

Suddenly as he picked up his pace, his fingers pumped into my with rough motions and the soft grip around my neck transformed into a proper chokehold.

”Speak up!” Harry ordered as he repeated his question. ”Is this what your needy little pussy wanted?”

”Yes!” I choked out loudly between his rough thrusts. ”Fuck yes.” I whimpered loudly as he put me in place using his rough hands. This is exactly what I wanted, a man who could fucking put me in my place and fuck me senseless at the same time.

”You’re such a needy little brat huh? So fucking spoiled and used to getting everything you want all the time huh?” Harry spoke in a low, dominant voice through his gritted teeth as he held me in place by my neck.

”Mhmm. Daddy always gives me everything I want” I hummed in agreement. ”Are you gonna give me what I want Harry?” I moaned as I used my free hand to caress his hard cock through his slacks. I could feel how big he was through the thick fabric and my mouth was already watering at the thought of having him inside me.

”Are you gonna be a good girl?” Harry asked in return as he continued to finger fuck me with his palm rubbing gently against my sore clit.

”Yes.” I mewled softly. ”I’ll be good, I promise.” I moaned as I looked deep into his mesmerizing green eyes and bit the corner of my lip. ”Please, I need your cock.” I moaned as I rubbed my hand firmly over his thick, long shaft.

”There we go again, always so needy Melanie.” Harry tskd at me, shaming me for being the desperate little whore I was.

He grabbed me by my hips and tossed me back into the backseat of the car, wasting no time he swiftly undid his pants and pulled his boxers down to his ankles before climbing on top of me.

”Spread your legs!” Harry ordered firmly. He pushed the small skirt of my little black dress up to my stomach and pulled my panties completely off of me before aligning himself by my entrance.

”Got such a pretty little pussy.” Harry mumbled as he rubbed his cock against my wet slit.

I let out a soft gasp as I watched him hover over me, his large body completely over maneuvering my small frame.

”Please!” I whimpered as I felt Harry’s thick shaft coat itself in my juices, the tip of his swollen hard cock rubbing against my clit, making me writhe in frustration on top of the leather seat.

Harry grabbed a hold of my thick thighs, he yanked my body further down to the edge of the seat as he himself stood up in the doorway. He grabbed both my legs and pushed himself inside me, his large cock filling me up inch by inch as I laid on top of the car seat.

”Oh fuck!” I moaned as I felt his cock stretch me out properly. His big, thick shaft, pushing all the way inside my tight little cunt. ”It’s so big.” I whimpered as I felt my walls hug his entire length inside me.

”Fuck, that’s a wet pussy.” Harry groaned as he looked down between my legs, watching his entire cock disappear inside my tight hole.

”Yeah.” I moaned as I looked up at him with doe eyes. ”I want you to fuck my tight little teen pussy until I come all over your cock.” I moaned as I reached down to rub my clit to relieve some of the aching pain his massive cock was giving me.

Harry wasted no time. He was quick to move inside me and my pussy quickly got used to having him inside me. He thrusted into me with long, grinding strokes as he stood by the door opening. His hands caressed my legs and squeezed my thighs as he rocked into my body where I laid on top of the black leather seat, my tits jiggling and my butt rubbing against the seat.

”Holy fuck.” I moaned as I continued to rub my hand over my clit, my body already aching for a release since I’d been edging myself on the entire car ride home. ”You feel so fucking good.” I moaned loudly as I let my eyes roll back into my head. ”You fuck my tight little pussy so good.” I groaned as I felt his cock push deep into me.

Harry let out a series of loud grunts and groans as he grabbed a hold of my ankles and pulled my feet up onto his shoulders. His cock kept drilling into me as I laid in front of him completely at his mercy. He knew exactly what I wanted and he was giving it to me raw.

”Have you ever fucked a pussy this tight before?” I swooned as I felt his cock twitch inside me. I could feel every inch of him pushing my walls back and filling me up to the brim. I’d never felt so full before in my entire life. ”Fuck, your cock feels so good stretching me out like this.” I moaned as I looked down, my eyes watching his cock burying itself inside my aching pussy. It was a beautiful sight to watch his hips collide with my body.

Harry held onto my legs as he continued to thrust into me, he grabbed my hips and pulled me even closer to the edge, allowing him to get deeper inside me as I continued to moan out loud in pure bliss.

”More!” I whimpered loudly. ”I need more.” I moaned at the top of my lungs as Harry continued to slam into me.

”Such a needy little brat.” Harry mumbled as he grabbed my legs and pushed them off his shoulders. He pushed them back and forced me to grab a hold of my own knees as he pressed his hands back against the back of my thighs. At this point he was folding me up like a lawn chair but I couldn’t care less as long as I got to feel his big cock inside me.

He scoot me back on the seat to give my back some support before he hovered me missionary style. I whimpered out loud as I felt how deep his cock could enter me with this position. I mewled and purred like a sweet kitten as I felt his cock enter me with long, rough strokes while he topped me.

”Oh fuck!” I stuttered in complete awe at how deep he was inside me. I’d never been fucked like this before and holy shit it felt so fucking good I never wanted it to stop. ”Just like that, fuck me right there.” I moaned as Harry’s continued with his long strokes, his large cock accidentally leaving my hole empty a few times as he pulled back too much.

”I keep slipping out because you’re so fucking wet.” Harry groaned as his hot mouth hovered over my face, his eyes looking down at me as I laid with my bare body beneath him.

”Mmm, my pussy’s been this wet all night, just aching for a cock like yours.” I moaned as I looked up at Harry. He flashed me a cheeky grin as he continued to pound into me with long rough strokes, his hips colliding hard with the back of my thighs and the sound of our bodies colliding echoing through the whole limo.

”Happy now?” Harry grinned teasingly as he looked down at the mess between my legs. He watched as his thick cock buried itself in my dripping wet mess of a hole, his eyes shifting slightly as he finally noticed how fiercely and desperately I was rubbing my own clit to make myself come.

”Mhmmm.” I moaned a long, dragged out moan as I too watched his cock completely devour me and my aching pussy. Harry was quick to replace my hand with his own and I let out a loud sigh as I felt his large fingers press against my sensitive nub. ”Fuck, you really know what you’re doing.” I moaned as Harry swirled his fingers over my clit in perfect sync with his long, hard thrusts.

”Yeah, did you expect me not to?” Harry asked, his eyebrow arched slightly at me in a cocky manner.

I mean, boys my age barely know there is a clit.

”No.” I replied quietly as I watched him skillfully manipulate my clit with his fingers.

”Do I look like the kind of guy that doesn’t know what he’s doing?” Harry continued teasingly as he looked down at me with a skeptical look on his face.

”No.” I once again replied shyly.

”You shy all of a sudden?” Harry asked with a grin on his lips. ”You were talking all that big girl talk before and now you’re shy?” He tskd at me as he flickered his fingers around my clit, making me gasp out loud.

”No, it’s just-” I choked out as I felt his fingers violently assault my clit in the best way possible, sending multiple shivers down my spine.

”It’s just what?” Harry continued to taunt me as he watched me come undone beneath his warm touch.

”You’re making me feel so good.” I whined in defeat as I watched his cock bury itself inside me. I wasn’t gonna lie my legs were starting to ache but he was fucking me too good for me to give a fuck.

”Right…” Harry rolled his eyes at me. ”You gonna be a good girl and show me what big girls do with their big mouths?” Harry asked as he removed his fingers from my clit and placed them against my bottom lip. I nodded obediently as I parted my lips for him to slide his fingers inside my wet mouth.

He pressed his fingertips against my tongue as I tasted the sweet taste of myself. His cock continued to pump me good, making my legs and everything between my legs ache while I worked my magic around Harry’s fingers, my mouth treating them as if it was his cock.

He let out a soft groan as he watched my tongue play with his digits, his eyes focusing on my plump lips as I brushed them all over his soft, warm skin. I released several loud moans against his fingers as I felt his cock hit my g-spot at the perfect angle. I’d never tried this position before but it was now becoming one of my favorites.

”You like that?” I whispered as I playfully wiggled my tongue between Harry’s two fingers, my mouth creating enough saliva for me to dribble all over the palm of his hand if he wanted me to.

”Yeah.” Harry groaned as he felt my tight pussy clench around him. ”Your pussy feels so good.” Harry moaned as he continued to fuck me deeply.

”Don’t you wish you’d given in sooner?” I moaned teasingly as I looked at Harry. This could’ve been all yours from the moment we met.” I admitted as I looked up into his eyes.

”Your dad would kill me-” Harry argued as he looked down at me.

”Let’s make sure he doesn’t find out.” I whispered back.

”Especially since you’re eighteen.” Harry added.

”But that’s what makes it exciting for you.” I argued back. ”Fucking the boss’ eighteen year old daughter is what’s got your cock so fucking hard right now isn’t it? Me being your bratty little slut and showing my pussy off for you while you’re still on duty is what got you this fucking horny, isn’t it?” I whispered as I buried my hands in Harry’s long curls, pulling and tugging at them as he made me feel so damn good with his body. ”Admit it!” I ordered as I looked up into Harry’s eyes.

”Fine.” Harry groaned quietly as he looked down at me. ”It does make things hotter.” He admitted quietly as he stared down at me.

”Don’t worry, I’m not gonna tell daddy anything. I’m a good girl, remember?” I whispered teasingly as I arched my eyebrow at Harry. ”You can fuck this tight, young pussy anytime you want.” I cooed teasingly as I pulled at his hair.

”Oh God!” Harry cussed under his breath as he looked at me.

”What?” I asked teasingly. ”Isn’t that what you want Harry? My parents still think I’m a virgin so I’m not gonna tell them we fucked.” I tried to reassure Harry that if this kept going, it would be our little secret. ”I bet you wish I was still a virgin too.” I smirked as I looked up at him with my doe eyes. ”Bet you wish you were the first one to fuck my innocent little virgin cunt.” I continued to rant as I watched Harry struggle to hold back his moans. I could tell that he was thinking about it, that he wanted so badly to fuck my innocent little virgin pussy but it was way too late for that and everyone knows that, except maybe my father who still thinks I’m as pure as a white sheet.

”Fuck-” Harry groaned as he felt my pussy clench tightly around him. My legs shivering as my pussy pulsated around his thick cock. ”You’re gonna have to stop talking or this will be over all too soon.” Harry growled as he felt my walls clench harder and harder with every thrust.

”Make me.” I whispered teasingly as I grabbed his wrist and guided his hand back to my neck where it had rested before.

Harry took that as a clear signal for him to put his hand back around my neck and add pressure. He added just enough pressure to where he managed to hold me firmly in place and I was able to grasp for air, my mouth mewling and whimpering in delight but no actual words were able to come out.

Harry continued to drill into me with full force and it didn’t take long for the pulsating waves of pleasure inside my pussy to spread all over my body. I forcefully let out a loud whimper despite Harry’s choke hold as he made me come long and hard around his cock.

”Fuck me!” I cussed loudly as waves of pleasure ripped through my body. ”Fuck, it feels so good.”

”Holy fuck!” Harry grunted loudly as he pushed deep into my pussy, feeling my walls hug him tightly with every stroke of his cock. He slammed into me balls deep before pulling all the way out and then pushing back in again. He purposely pulled all the way out, leaving me empty handed, breathless and whimpering like a needy brat.

”Jesus fucking Christ.” Harry groaned as he continued to pump his cock deep inside me over and over again until finally when he swiftly pulled out and didn’t push back in again. Instead, he grabbed a hold of his cock and used his hand to stroke it as quickly as he possibly could while shooting his hot load all over my sore pussy. I watched as the come landed perfectly on my wet pussy and my hand instinctively reached down to rub the results of his orgasm all over my pussy. Harry let out a loud groan as he continued to milk his cock on every last drop of come, covering my glistening skin in all of it as I used both of my hands so spread it all over my warm body.

MASTERLIST

#harry styles #harry styles smut #harry styles kink #harry styles fanfic #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #lhh #long haired harry #long hair harry #my fic

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watchmegetobsessed · 1 year

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TWENTY-NINE

A/N: happy birthday to my number one celebrity crush!! i hope he feels lucky, bc i have a looong list of crushes and he's been on the top for years hehe

WORD COUNT: 1.1k

SUMMARY: It's Harry's birthday, he is surrounded by love, but there is one person missing from beside him. You.

MASTERLIST | SUPPORT ME!

Palm Springs is celebrating tonight, because it’s Harry’s 29th birthday. It’s a special day for everyone, especially his fans and his loved ones. Even though he is loved all year round, on this day he always feels like it multiplies.

It’s been like any other day, he started the day with a run, then a nice breakfast at the hotel he has been staying with the crew, he had some down time he spent answering messages, he was on the phone with his mum and sister, other loved ones.

After lunch his band surprised him with a little cake, they sang him happy birthday and spent the afternoon together until it was time to leave to the venue for tonight’s show. It’s been a nice birthday, but there’s been one thing that’s been missing all day.

You.

As always, he woke up to the sweetest message from you.

My dearest love, happy birthday! I know we are thousands of miles apart, but know that I’m right there with you, celebrating the best man I’ve ever known. I love you so much, have the best day and we’ll drink to you when we reunite! Xx

He couldn’t stop smiling as he typed out his response, but had to swallow the bitterness because you weren’t there beside you. He added the Palm Springs shows way too late to make it work with your schedule so he ended up having to spend his birthday without his girlfriend.

All through the day he’s been thinking about you and while you exchanged texts in the noon, you stopped responding hours ago and Harry’s been missing you like crazy. You must be working, he knows you can’t just hang on the phone all day because it’s his birthday, but he still wishes you could’ve joined him.

Now it’s time to give a show and give back the love he’s been receiving, to celebrate with his fans who have been there for him all along. He is giving the show his all, busting his ass to light the stage on fire, the whole arena is shaking from the energy and he is high on adrenaline as he performs song after song.

“How are you feeling tonight?” he asks, crossing the stage to get some water between two songs. The crowd screams and he grins as he looks around.

“We have a couple more songs to go. I want you to–”

His speech is cut off by the lights going dim and he turns around with a confused look as the screaming enhances. He tries to seek any information about what’s happening from his band mates, but they are all just smiling back at him without a word.

The screen lights up and Harry’s head snaps towards it as a video darts playing.

“Hi baby!” his mum appears smiling ear to ear and Harry exhales with a chuckle as he shifts his weight to one leg while watching. “I can’t believe you’ve turned twenty-nine! I still remember the day you were born.” Then the video cuts to Mitch and Sarah.

“Happy birthday to the best boss and bandmate!” they smile at the camera before the picture cuts to the next person.

Friends follow family members and all his loved ones are wishing him a happy birthday in the sweet video message as he stares up at the screen, his chest swelling from the love, eyes watering slightly. He is so thankful for all the sweet wishes and nice words, it makes him forget about how anxious he’s been feeling about entering his last year in his twenties.

And then your face appears at the end and his fans go crazy.

Even though you’ve been dating for almost three years now, you haven’t appeared next to him in an official way, you never posted about each other, never appeared at events, you’ve been only spotted by the paparazzi and that’s how the world knows about your relationship. But now here you are, in his birthday video that’s displayed to thousands of people in the arena.

“Hi baby! Happy birthday, Handsome. I miss you very much and I’ll see you soon. Now go and sing your heart out!”

“I miss you too,” he whispers to himself as the video ends and the lights come back up, everyone around him clapping. He needs a couple of moments to recover, Pauli walks up to him, patting him on the shoulder before he is able to speak up again.

“That was an unexpected gift, thank you!” he chuckles. “Now… back to our regular schedule!” he holds up his index finger as he walks over to his microphone stand and the starting accords of the next song fill the place.

When the show is over he runs off the stage, his palm slapping against the hands of fans before he disappears backstage. He is a bit out of breath, sweaty and tired, but he’s still buzzing from the great show and it’s once again proven that he is doing what he loves the most.

When he walks into his dressing room he freezes instantly as he spots a familiar duffel bag he’s seen millions of times before. It’s yours.

“Surprise!” you speak up and his head snaps to the side, seeing you sitting on the couch, his mouth hanging open.

You chuckle at his reaction as you stand up and start walking towards him, but then he finally recovers and launches at you, picking you up from the ground as he twirls around with you in his arms.

“What are you doing here?” he breathes against your neck. He puts you down, but keeps his arms locked around you.

“Should I leave?” you tease him, arching an eyebrow.

“Don’t you dare!” he chuckles and finally presses his lips against yours.

“I wanted to spend at least a bit of your birthday with you,” you mumble against his lips as he keeps peppering your mouth and cheeks with tiny pecks.

“Now it’s my best birthday ever.”

“You say that every year, H!” you chuckle leaning back a bit as you take his face in your hands.

“Because it’s always the best if I’m with you. And I’ve spent the last… how many birthdays with you?” he purses his lips, pretending to count in his head.

“Five,” you answer for him.

“Ah, yeah. Because even before I grew some balls and asked you out, you were there with me.”

“Only took you two years,” you smirk at him. “Happy birthday, Harry. Twenty-nine will be amazing, I can feel it.”

“I know,” he nods. “Because I’ll spend it with you.”

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed and buy me a coffee if you want to support me!

#harry #styles #harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles oneshot #harry styles one shot #harry styles fluff #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #harry styles blurb

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midastouch013 · 16 days

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Can you write a Hermione fic where it takes place in the Yule Ball, (this is the movie version) and after Ron is mean as hell, and she’s left crying on the stairs, reader (who is Hufflepuff) finds her and comforts her. Reader has always had a crush on her, but respected that she was Krum’s date. During that whole night it’s full of comfort with Hermione development some what feelings for reader, then fast forward to order of the Phoenix, after escaping death, they both confess that they have been crushing and get together? Bonus if Ron goes into piss crybaby mode when he sees Hermione now with reader and reader just looks at him with a “That’s right, she chose me cause i treat her with respect and care so suck it!!” look!

She Chose Me

Summary: You've always had a crush on Hermione, and all it takes is a ball and an almost death for you to get together

Warnings: Jerk Ron. Curse Words

P.S Thank you Anon for the request!!!

NOT PROOFREAD

----

In the bustling excitement of the Yule Ball, amidst the whirl of elegant gowns and polished robes, there was a unique presence that caught the eye—a figure that stood out not for the frills of their attire, but for the confident aura they exuded. That figure was you, Y/n, a Hufflepuff with a penchant for mischief and a talent for Quidditch that soared beyond Hogwarts' grounds.

With tousled hair that hinted at a recent scrimmage on the Quidditch pitch and a mischievous grin that never seemed far from your lips, you navigated the crowd with the ease of someone who was equally at home in the air as on solid ground. Despite your athletic prowess and charm, there was a certain sense of humility about you, a quiet confidence that spoke volumes of your character.

As your eyes scanned the room, they inevitably fell upon the object of your secret affections—Hermione Granger. There she stood, radiant in her gown, her arm entwined with Viktor Krum's as they moved gracefully across the dance floor. You couldn't help but feel a pang of longing as you watched her, knowing that she was out of reach, destined to be swept away by the famous Quidditch player's charm.

Though you had never been particularly close with Hermione, your paths had crossed numerous times throughout your years at Hogwarts. Your shared academic excellence and her unwavering dedication to her studies had earned her both admiration and respect from you, even if your playful antics and mischievous nature often grated against her more serious demeanor.

You've always had a crush on Hermione, ever since your first year at Hogwarts, but you've never acted on it. You respect her too much to interfere with her relationship, even if it's just for one night.

So as you sat on the sidelines, nursing a drink and trying to blend into the background, your attention was inevitably drawn to the enchanting sight of Hermione gliding across the dance floor with Viktor. The music swirled around you, mingling with the laughter and chatter of your fellow students, but your gaze remained fixed on Hermione, her smile lighting up the room as she twirled gracefully in Krum's arms.

You were surrounded by your friends. Hannah Abbott, your best friend, is chatting animatedly with her date, a Gryffindor boy whose name escapes you at the moment. And then there's Draco Malfoy, your other best friend, of all people, who somehow ended up becoming one of your closest friends despite all odds.

Draco is off dancing with Astoria Greengrass, his eyes alight with a rare spark of happiness as he twirls her around the dance floor. You can't help but smile at the sight, despite the ache in your chest. If anyone deserves a moment of joy, it's Draco.

Beside you, Harry sipped his drink, his gaze also drawn to the dancing pair. "She looks happy," he remarked softly, his tone tinged with a hint of longing.

You nodded, unable to tear your eyes away from Hermione. "She does," you agreed, your voice barely above a whisper.

Across the room, you spotted your best friend Hannah Abbott, her face flushed with excitement as she danced with her date. Draco Malfoy was nowhere to be seen, probably off causing mischief somewhere, as usual.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" Harry asked, turning to you with concern in his eyes.

You offered him a small smile. "I am, Harry. It's nice just being here with everyone."

He returned your smile before taking another sip of his drink. "You know, you could always ask Hermione to dance," he suggested casually.

Your heart skipped a beat at the thought, but you quickly shook your head. "No, Harry. She's here with Krum. I don't want to intrude."

Harry shrugged, but his eyes held a knowing glint. "Suit yourself," he said with a playful smirk.

As the night wore on, you continued to watch Hermione and Krum, feeling a pang of jealousy every time they laughed or twirled together. But deep down, you knew that Hermione deserved to be happy, even if it wasn't with you.

As the night progressed, you found yourself lost in conversation with Harry, the two of you exchanging anecdotes and sharing lighthearted laughs as you watched the festivities unfold. But soon, your attention was drawn away from the dance floor as Hermione approached, her expression a mixture of frustration and exasperation.

"Hey, Hermione," you greeted her with a warm smile, though you couldn't help but notice the tension in her posture.

Hermione sighed, sinking down onto the empty space beside you and Harry. "Mind if I join you guys?" she asked, her voice tinged with irritation.

"Of course not," Harry replied, gesturing for her to sit. "What's wrong?"

However, before Hermione could respond, you were interrupted as Ron Weasley made his way over to join your small group, his expression sour and his words biting.

"Hey, Y/n, Harry," Ron greeted, though there was little warmth in his tone.

You offered a polite nod in return, but before you could respond, Ron launched into his tirade, his eyes fixed on Hermione with a mix of concern and frustration. "He's using you," he spat out, his words dripping with disdain.

Hermione's brow furrowed in disbelief, her lips parting to retort, but before she could utter a word, Ron continued, his tone growing harsher by the second. "Doubt it. He's way too old," Ron spat, his words cutting through the air like a knife.

Hermione's eyes widened in shock, her cheeks flushing with anger as she squared her shoulders, ready to defend herself. "What? What? That's what you think?" she shot back, her voice trembling with a mix of indignation and hurt.

"Yeah, that is what I think," Ron replied stubbornly, his gaze unwavering as he met Hermione's fiery glare.

"You know the solution then, don't you?" Hermione challenged, her voice steely as she refused to back down.

Ron faltered for a moment, caught off guard by Hermione's defiance, but he quickly recovered, his expression hardening as he turned to Harry, seeking validation for his words.

Before Harry could respond, Ron's tirade continued, his words growing even more hurtful with each passing moment. "You're just blinded by his fame and money, Hermione. You can't see that he's not good enough for you," Ron spat, his voice dripping with disdain.

Hermione's eyes filled with tears, her hands trembling with a mixture of anger and hurt as she struggled to maintain her composure. "Ron, how could you say that?" she whispered, her voice breaking with emotion.

But Ron seemed oblivious to her distress, his words barbed with a cruelty that cut deep. "Face it, Hermione. You're just his little trophy, nothing more," Ron sneered, his tone dripping with malice.

You watched in silence, your heart aching for Hermione as Ron's words continued to chip away at her resolve. But as you saw her on the verge of tears, something inside you snapped. With a surge of righteous anger coursing through your veins, you finally found your voice.

"Ron, that's enough!" you interjected, your tone firm as you stepped forward, your eyes flashing with a rare intensity.

Ron's eyes widened in surprise at your sudden outburst, and for a moment, he looked almost scared as he took a step back, his earlier bravado faltering in the face of your unwavering gaze.

"Just bloody shut up, Ron!" you spat, your voice cutting through the air like a whip.

For a moment, there was silence, broken only by the soft strains of music drifting through the air. And then, to your surprise, Ron huffed in indignation, turning away in a huff, his face flushed with embarrassment.

But Hermione's distress was already evident, her shoulders slumping as tears welled up in her eyes. Without a word, she turned and fled from the ballroom, her heart heavy with the weight of Ron's cruel words.

---

After the biting exchange with Ron, Hermione couldn't bear to stay in the crowded ballroom any longer. With tears blurring her vision and her heart heavy with sorrow, she fled from the dance floor, seeking solace in the quiet solitude of the grand staircase.

As she descended the marble steps, each one echoing with the heavy weight of her despair, Hermione's breath hitched in her throat, her emotions threatening to overwhelm her. She found herself a secluded spot on the staircase, hidden away from prying eyes, and sank down onto the cold stone steps, her sobs echoing in the cavernous space.

It was there that you found her. Your heart twisted at the sight of Hermione, her shoulders shaking with silent tears as she cradled her head in her hands. Without a word, you settled down beside her, leaving a respectful distance between you, and sat in silence, allowing her the space to grieve.

The weight of the moment hung heavy in the air, the only sound the soft echo of Hermione's sobs and the distant strains of music drifting up from the ballroom below. You resisted the urge to speak, understanding that sometimes the greatest comfort came not from words, but from the simple act of being there.

For a while, neither of you spoke, the only sound the soft echo of Hermione's tears gradually fading into the stillness of the night.

"Why are you here?" Hermione's voice trembled with emotion as she finally broke the silence, her eyes red-rimmed and vulnerable.

You offered her a small, understanding smile. "Because I care about you, Hermione. And no one deserves to be alone when they're feeling like this."

Hermione's lips twitched into a wistful smile, a hint of gratitude shining through her tears. "Thank you, Y/n. I don't know why Ron would say such a thing?"

You gently squeezed her shoulder, a surge of protective anger rising within you as you thought of Ron's hurtful words. "Well, you know Ron," you said, your tone tinged with sarcasm, "he can be a down right prat sometimes."

Hermione's eyes widened in surprise, but then a small chuckle escaped her lips, the tension in her shoulders easing slightly. "That's one way to put it," she agreed, a hint of amusement coloring her voice.

You smiled at her, grateful for the brief moment of levity amidst the sadness. "You're worth so much more than what he says. You're strong, and smart, and you deserve someone who sees that."

Hermione's smile grew warmer, her gratitude shining in her eyes as she leaned her head against your shoulder. "I needed to hear that."

As the tension of the earlier encounter with Ron began to dissipate, you sensed Hermione gradually relaxing in your presence. With a mischievous glint in your eyes, you decided it was time to lighten the mood and lift her spirits.

"Hey, 'Mione," you said, a playful grin spreading across your face, "want to do something fun? I know just the thing."

Hermione looked at you with a mix of confusion and curiosity, but she nodded tentatively. "Okay, sure."

Without another word, you took Hermione's hand in yours, a thrill of excitement coursing through you as you led her away from the staircase and towards the top of the tower. The night air was crisp and cool against your skin as you ascended the winding staircase, the distant sound of laughter and music fading into the background.

Finally, you reached the top of the tower, the city spread out below you like a twinkling sea of lights. Hermione's eyes widened in awe at the breathtaking view, a soft gasp escaping her lips as she took in the sight.

"It's beautiful," she breathed, her voice barely above a whisper.

You smiled proudly, feeling a sense of satisfaction at having shared this moment with her. "I thought you might like it," you replied, your tone filled with warmth.

As you both settled down on the cold stone floor, a comfortable silence fell between you, broken only by the soft rustle of the wind. And then, unable to resist, you made a funny joke, a playful twinkle in your eye as you waited for Hermione's reaction.

To your delight, Hermione's laughter rang out like music in the night, her eyes sparkling with amusement as she leaned against you, her head resting gently on your shoulder.

"Maybe you're not so annoying after all, Y/n," Hermione teased, her tone light and playful.

You feigned offense, placing a hand over your heart in mock indignation. "I'll have you know, Hermione Granger, that annoying is my middle name," you replied with a grin, unable to hide the warmth in your voice.

Hermione chuckled softly, her laughter echoing in the quiet night air. And as you sat there together, bathed in the glow of the moonlight, you knew that this moment was one you would cherish forever.

And little did you know, that this would be the night, that Hermione would start seeing you not just as a friend, but as something more

----

The events of the Yule Ball felt like a lifetime ago as you found yourselves in the midst of the chaos and danger of the wizarding world. The darkness of Voldemort's return cast a long shadow over Hogwarts, and every day brought new challenges and dangers.

But it wasn't until a harrowing encounter with Death Eaters that everything changed. All it took was a forbidden curse, other than Avada Kedavra, of course, to cause you sheer terror as you watched the spell being aimed at Hermione.

Instinct took over, and without a second thought, you threw yourself in harm's way, shielding the brunette from the deadly curse that was hurtling towards her. The world seemed to blur as pain seared through your body, but in that moment, all that mattered was keeping Hermione safe.

When the danger had passed, and you lay battered and bruised, Hermione's fury erupted like a tempest. Her words were like daggers, each one cutting deep as she berated you for your reckless actions, her fear and anger pouring out in a torrent of emotion.

"You could have died, Y/n!" Hermione's voice cracked with emotion, her eyes blazing with unshed tears. "I can't believe you would do something so stupid!"

Your own frustration boiled over, your defenses rising in response to her accusations. "I did what I had to do, Hermione!" you shot back, your voice raw with emotion. "I couldn't just stand by and watch you get hurt!"

" Doesn't mean you just recklessly throw yourself put there. Are you stupid? What in the bloody hell is wrong with you?"

The air crackled with tension as the argument escalated, harsh words exchanged in the heat of the moment. But then, in a moment of clarity, the truth spilled out, raw and unfiltered.

"You know what's wrong with me?" Words began to tumble out of your mouth

"What's wrong with me is that I'm in love with you!" you confessed, your voice trembling with emotion as you bared your soul to her. "I've loved you for so long, and I couldn't bear the thought of losing you."

For a moment, there was silence, broken only by the sound of your ragged breathing and the faint echo of Hermione's heartbeat. And then, to your surprise, Hermione's anger seemed to evaporate, replaced by a softness in her gaze that took your breath away.

"Y/n," Hermione whispered, her voice barely above a whisper as she reached out a trembling hand to touch your cheek. "I… I love you too."

And in that moment, as the weight of your confession hung in the air between you, you knew that despite the darkness that threatened to engulf you, there was still light to be found in the depths of your shared love. And as you leaned in to kiss Hermione, the world seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of you, and for now, that was all you wanted.

"So we're dating right?" you questioned, when we broke up

Hermione chuckled, "Yes"

"And you're my girlfriend?"

"Yes"

"And I'm not dead?"

"No you're not, knucklehead" Hermione rolled her eyes fondly, giving you another passionate kiss.

And as if on cue, Ronald Weasley walked in on the scene, his reaction speaking volumes.

"Bloody hell" he muttered "What is happening"

"Well, you dumbarse, Hermione and I are together" you smirked, your arm looping around your girlfriend's waist.

His face twisted into a mask of disbelief, his eyes widening in shock as he stared at Hermione and you, his expression a mix of hurt and anger.

"What?" Ron spluttered, his voice tinged with disbelief. "But… but Hermione, you can't be serious!"

Hermione's jaw tightened, her gaze steady as she met Ron's incredulous stare. "I am serious, Ron," she replied firmly, her voice unwavering despite the tension in the air. "Y/n and I love each other, and we've decided to give this relationship a chance."

But Ron's demeanor only grew more petulant, his features contorting into a scowl as he turned away, his fists clenched at his sides. "This is ridiculous," he muttered under his breath, his tone laced with bitterness.

You felt a surge of frustration bubbling within you at Ron's reaction, but you refused to let his jealousy and insecurity dampen your joy. Meeting Ron's gaze head-on, you held his stare with an unyielding determination, a silent challenge in your eyes that spoke volumes.

In that moment, you refused to apologize for loving Hermione. She had chosen you, and you would cherish her with every fiber of your being. With a defiant tilt of your chin, you sent Ron a silent message that echoed through the air like a thunderclap. It was a message that said, "I won't back down. Hermione chose me, and I will stand by her side, no matter what."

---------------------

#hermione fanfiction #hermione granger #ronald weasley #ron weasley #draco malfoy #harry potter #hannah abbott #astoria greengrass #anon ask #anonymous #thanks anon!

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ficsyoumayhavemissed · 11 months

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🏳️‍🌈 Moths and Butterflies — LadyAj_13 / @ladyaj-13

1.363 words / Harry x Louis

It seemed like such a good plan a week ago. It had seemed like fate, for the town’s Pride parade to fall at the very same time when work sent him there to charm some clients. Who was Louis, to sniff at a higher power? It was exciting, a week ago. Now he’s here though, in the thick of it, and he thought it would feel freeing but it doesn't. It just rams home how he doesn’t belong.

This is a lovely fic for anyone who has ever questioned whether they are queer enough to belong in the queer community. You are, and this fic will remind you of it whenever you need it.

🏳️‍🌈 Quite the Pickle — @lululawrence

1.455 words / Grimmy x Harry x Louis

Nick hated pickles. It was an entire thing for him and he used to get into arguments all the time when his mum insisted he could just remove them and the sandwich would be fine without them. She never seemed to understand. The flavor was still left behind because of the juices. The scent was still there. The pickle was never fully removed. Not successfully. And now one was sitting on the plate, almost touching his perfectly pickle free sandwich, all whilst leaking it’s flavor and scent all over his chips. Good thing there happened to be a pregnant man with a craving nearby.

An adorable, cozy meet-cute between a couple and a stranger, this fic has so much goodness in so few words. From the struggle of pregnancy cravings to the unexpected pleasure of finding people who will accept you as you are, it’s a fun little roller coaster you don’t want to miss.

🏳️‍🌈 Over The Heads Of The Crowd — DancingOnCapitals

3.232 words / Harry x Louis

Harry attends a fandriven LGBTQIA+ event to support the queer part of his favourite band's fandom and probably also some members of said band when he spots the most beautiful person he's ever seen.

Love at first sight it’s always nice, but gay love at first sight is something special in itself. A meet-cute fic where they share a bed... What else could you ask for?

🏳️‍🌈 Courted in Cabos — @alphalouis

5.511 words / Louis x Oli

Oli's spent his whole life with Louis Tomlinson. More accurately, he’s waited his whole life for Louis to pop the question. When Louis invites him to Los Cabos, he thinks this will be it. So he waits. And he waits. Eventually it becomes clear Louis won’t make the first move. He decides to take matters into his own hands.

Absolutely adorable! Friends pining on each other is always such a nice trope to read. Seeing the development of their relationship was really cute, and this fic is more than worth a shot, considering Niall’s special additions.

🏳️‍🌈 falling in love with the stable boy — @sup3rbloom

5.620 words / @1dreversebang / Harry x Louis

Louis is the son of King Tomlinson, and now that he's older, he's interested in learning horseback riding. King Tomlinson assigns Harry, the kingdom's stable boy, to train him. It's love at first sight for Louis, and this wouldn't be a problem if being gay wasn't wrong in the kingdom.

This fic is a little heartbreaking, considering how Louis' own family might reject him for something he doesn’t have a choice in, however it was extremely cute how Harry, Zayn and Liam were there to always protect Louis.

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COMING OUT;

GENDERQUEER;

LGBTQIA STORIES;

PRIDE REC

And to take the opportunity to mention that the @projectotb is back this year and also running a drabble fest, and give a shoutout to the @1dpridefest which is currently happening, so don't miss the chance and support all the amazing writers and creator participating!

If you love a fic that has gotten less love than you think it deserves, submit it to us so we can check it out and perhaps add it to one of our recs! — FYMHM xx

#hlcreators #hljournal #1dsource #1dficvillage #tracksintheam #trackinghome #trackinghappily #pride rec #fic rec #fymhm #june 2023

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kingstylesdaily · 2 years

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How Harry Styles Became the World’s Most Wanted Man

The global pop icon makes it all look easy — even when it definitely isn't. opens up about his huge year, his two new films, his fans' relationship with Olivia Wilde, activism, sexuality, therapy, and much more

BY BRITTANY SPANOS

ON A FRIDAY night in New York, Harry Styles put on a show. It wasn’t just any show; it was the first time he performed his third and soon-to-be-biggest album, Harry’s House, in its entirety. The crowd that May night covered Long Island’s UBS Arena in feathers and glitter and tears — a ritualistic skin shedding of sorts whenever Styles comes to town.

Fans noticed something different about the encore: Styles didn’t end with his usual closer, “Kiwi”; instead, he opted to finish the night with a second performance of his new single “As It Was,” his dance-through-the-tears pandemic reflection on isolation and change. When he played it, the crowd exploded in a way even Styles had never experienced. It left him a bit shaken.

“We came offstage, and I went into my dressing room and just wanted to sit by myself for a minute,” he tells me, two months later. “After One Direction, I didn’t expect to ever experience anything new. I kind of felt like, ‘All right, I’ve seen how crazy it can get.’ And I think there was something about it where I was … not terrified, but I just needed a minute. Because I wasn’t sure what it was. Just that the energy felt insane.”

At 28, Styles has unlocked a new level of stardom for himself. Years ago, he regularly filled stadiums as a member of One Direction, his former boy band. This spring and summer, he’s playing them on his own. “As It Was” has become his hugest song yet, setting streaming records and topping the charts in more than two dozen countries, including 10 weeks straight in the U.S. Because he’s a star with a largely young, female fan base, many have refused to engage with him as much more than a pretty teen idol. (I don’t need to lay out decades of music history to show how wrong of a take that is.) But he can feel the tides change in curious ways. “ ‘As It Was’ is definitely the highest volume of men that I would get stopping me to say something about it,” he notes. “That feels like a weird comment because it’s not like men was the goal. It’s just something I noticed.”

Before his headlining set at Coachella in April, I caught Harry backstage, surrounded by James Corden, Styles’ onstage guest Shania Twain, and his girlfriend, Olivia Wilde. Later, I took in sold-out shows in New York and at London’s Wembley Stadium. The immense love showering Styles was impossible to ignore — you see it in the faces of every fan, whether they’ve been supporting him for “one year, two years, five years, 12 years,” as he says in nearly every end-of-show thank-you speech. Along the way I heard him everywhere, even when I wasn’t trying. “As It Was” played in every cab. “Watermelon Sugar” soundtracked breakfast. “Golden” lurked quietly at a London drugstore. “Late Night Talking” blasted at a Brooklyn bar, leading one man to proclaim, “I like Harry Styles. I can admit it,” like it was a radical act of self-acceptance.

And while he may be everywhere in 2022, Styles is, at the moment, literally right in front of me, sitting in an armchair of a hotel business suite in Hamburg, Germany, on a sweaty June afternoon. After a dip in the Irish Sea this morning, he flew into town and is now enjoying a day off in the middle of his first European tour since 2018.

In person, Styles looks more like your best friend’s cute, sporty older brother than the gender-bending style icon he’s become. He’s left the boas and sequin jumpsuits in the dressing room, opting instead for a blue Adidas track jacket, gym shorts, and Gucci sneakers. His hair, often described as “tousled,” like he’s a renegade prince in a romance novel, is clipped back with a hair claw, a signature day-off accessory.

Styles is a kind of millennial anomaly: He plugs his phone in across the room, never once sneaking a glance for a rogue notification. He maintains eye contact as his thoughts unfurl in his often slow, British drawl. He’s a bit more Zen, even stoic, than he once was; that goofy, class-clown energy he exuded when the world first fell in love with him in One Direction 12 years ago has naturally diminished. But he’s still as affable and charming as ever, remembering details from small talk we had in all the other cities where I had been (professionally) stalking him, and proving earnestly curious about how I was going to spend my time in Hamburg and how magazine deadlines work. (Back in New York, after surprising fans at a Spotify event for his new album, he asked me my thoughts on David Crosby’s most recent album, which he loved.)

“My great uncle lives here,” Styles says of Hamburg. “He married a German lady, so I have a German cousin. They always used to come and visit when I was a kid, and the only word in English [the cousin] knew was ‘lemonade.’ I didn’t know if she actually wanted lemonade or was trying to say ‘Give me some water please!’ ”

Of course it wasn’t meant to take him this long to get back to places like Hamburg, where he’ll play for more than 50,000 fans tomorrow night at Volksparkstadion, a local football stadium. Love on Tour, the name for his current trek, was supposed to launch in the spring of 2020, a few months after Styles released his second album, Fine Line. We all know what happened next.

Styles didn’t get to play live again until last fall, but something funny happened in the interim. While we were bound to our homes, Styles experienced his first Number One hit in Fine Line’s “Watermelon Sugar,” a tune so sweet it may take a moment to realize he’s singing about cunnilingus. Less than a year later, he won his first Grammy for it.

As the pandemic deepened, Styles ended up back in Los Angeles, where he keeps a home, and moved in with three friends. They’d “go for walks, cook dinner, wash the lettuce, all that kind of stuff,” he says, until he decided to use his downtime productively and began writing new material. Rick Rubin’s Malibu studio, Shangri-La, was available, so Styles moved in with longtime producers and co-writers Kid Harpoon and Tyler Johnson. “We didn’t really know what we were going in for,” he says. “It just felt like sitting at home doing nothing might feel better if we all move in together and try to make some music.” Before they knew it, they were making Harry’s House, a revelatory statement that happens to be his most radio-friendly album to date. He took inspiration from Haruomi Hosono’s 1973 LP, Hosono House, which he first heard when he lived in Japan years ago, and treated the songs like they were an internal monologue, traversing a day in his life.

When flying became an option, Styles came home to London. Later, he drove down to Italy in his late stepdad’s car with a friend, listening to the jazz CDs left behind. He visited the Trevi Fountain one day, likely wearing his short-lived pandemic mustache, and was greeted with just four other people instead of the usual throngs that surround the historic site: “I felt like every day you’d say, ‘Weird time, isn’t it?’ Then go, ‘Yeah, it’s fucking insane!’ ”

He credits his stream of roommates — friends, collaborators — with keeping him together during this time. “I really would’ve struggled if I’d done the whole thing by myself,” he says, mirroring the “Harry, you’re no good alone” lyric from “As It Was.” After Italy, Styles visited friends in France, then returned to work, eventually posting up at Real World Studios near Bath, England. By the time he set off across the U.S. to finally tour behind Fine Line last fall, Harry’s House was secretly finished.

Now, besides the unavoidable singles and the victory-lap world tour, there are other indicators of next-level stardom: his skin-care, nail-polish, and clothing line called Pleasing and a fashion collection with Gucci, not to mention his flourishing movie career. He’s starring in the psychological thriller Don’t Worry Darling and in the intimate drama My Policeman, and he’s nabbed a deal with Marvel Studios to play Eros in at least one of the Eternals films. “Everything in my life has felt like a bonus since X-Factor,” he says, referring to the singing competition that led directly to One Direction. “Get on TV and sing. I never expected and never thought that would happen.”

But today, in a Hamburg hotel, Styles is still trying to make sense of it all. He thinks hard about love, shame, honesty, and the importance of kindness and therapy. And he worries. He worries about how he can be one of the biggest pop stars in the world, the kind who can be everything for his fans while also being a great son, brother, friend, and partner to the people standing beside him.. As everything gets bigger, Styles imagines a life that is smaller. How does the world’s most wanted man save the best parts for himself?

WHEN STYLES PLAYED two sold-out shows at Wembley Stadium in June, the first thing he did after stepping offstage each night was take a shower. The post-show shower has become a ritual: a hygienic necessity, sure, but also a crucial moment of clarity and reflection. He washes away the screams full of love and desire to just be in his presence. Anyone would be overwhelmed by that. “It’s really unnatural to stand in front of that many people and have that experience,” he says. “Washing it off, you’re just a naked person, in your most vulnerable, human form. Just like a naked baby, basically.”

Those post-Wembley showers were especially gratifying. When One Direction, which Styles casually refers to as “the band,” played the stadium in 2014, he ended up with tonsillitis on the day of the show. “I was miserable,” he recalls. “We played the first one, and I remember I came off, got in the car, and just started crying because I was so disappointed.”

Styles’ solo shows at Wembley were a reunion of sorts: He had friends and family from all parts of his life and career in the audience on both nights. His mom, Anne Twist, sister Gemma, friends, and his team all danced in the stands next to Wilde and her two young children. Even former bandmate Niall Horan swung by, smiling through “What Makes You Beautiful.”

As he’s become one of the world’s biggest pop stars, Styles’ need for privacy — for keeping that “naked baby” self out of the public eye — seems to have grown. Secrecy has helped to fend off constant questions about his sex life, the kind that were tossed his way as soon as he was of legal age.

In the past couple of years, he started to go to therapy more routinely. “I committed to doing it once a week,” he explains. “I felt like I exercise every day and take care of my body, so why wouldn’t I do that with my mind?”

Through it, he started to process parts of himself he hadn’t figured out before. “So many of your emotions are so foreign before you start analyzing them properly. I like to really lean into [an emotion] and look at it in the face. Not like, ‘I don’t want to feel like this,’ but more like, ‘What is it that makes me feel this way?’ ”

One feeling he needed to shed was shame, the kind of shame that comes from having your sex life scrutinized while you’re still just trying to make sense of it. Over the years, he learned to stop apologizing for it. He learned he could be vulnerable in private while still protecting it from the public.

Sometimes, though, he worried he was a “hypocrite” for being so closed off. His shows have become empowering safe spaces for his fans, so many of whom want to share who they are with him. Onstage, he’s helped people come out to their parents and facilitated everything from marriage proposals to gender reveals. Separating his personal life from his public one hasn’t been a choice he takes lightly. “When I’m working, I work really hard, and I think I’m really professional,” he says. “Then when I’m not, I’m not. I’d like to think I’m open, and probably quite stubborn, too, and willing to be vulnerable. I can be selfish sometimes, but I’d like to think that I’m a caring person.”

He’s found a vague balance through compartmentalization. “I’ve never talked about my life away from work publicly and found that it’s benefited me positively,” he explains, perhaps preemptively. “There’s always going to be a version of a narrative, and I think I just decided I wasn’t going to spend the time trying to correct it or redirect it in some way.”

Drawing the curtain over his life has only made everyone who’s not behind it more curious. His sexuality, for example, has been a topic of near-obsession for years. He has embraced gender fluidity in his fashion, like Mick Jagger and David Bowie before him, and has repeatedly pointed out how backward it feels to require labels and boxes for everyone’s identity. Critics of his approach have accused him of “queerbaiting,” or profiting off queer aesthetics without explicitly claiming the community. Defenders feel it’s unfair to force anyone to label themselves as one thing in order to validate their gender or creative expression.

Styles, without prompting, points out how silly he finds some of the arguments about how he may identify to be: “Sometimes people say, ‘You’ve only publicly been with women,’ and I don’t think I’ve publicly been with anyone. If someone takes a picture of you with someone, it doesn’t mean you’re choosing to have a public relationship or something.”

Of late, this can be contested. While he is everywhere, so is Olivia Wilde. The pair met on the set of Don’t Worry Darling, which she directed (more on that in a moment), then made a splash when paparazzi snapped them holding hands at his manager and close friend Jeffrey Azoff’s wedding in January 2021.

Wilde and Styles have said little about the relationship, and rumors have filled the space. Anonymous tweeters acted appalled at their age difference (as if a 28-year-old man dating a 38-year-old woman isn’t completely normal) and criticized the director-actor dating dynamic (as if there isn’t a long history of beloved Hollywood couples meeting the same way).

More intense and jarring was a corner of Styles’ fandom that has made fun of Wilde’s dancing or made lengthy Twitter threads and TikTok videos canceling her for bad or insensitive jokes made a decade ago. If Styles is already held up to a high standard, his potential partners are held to an unreachable one for some of his fans.

Styles is not the most online person — he uses Instagram to look at plants and architecture posts, has never had the TikTok app, and calls Twitter “a shitstorm of people trying to be awful to people” — but he’s still aware of how those small, toxic corners of the internet are treating the people closest to him. “That obviously doesn’t make me feel good,” he says, carefully. It’s a tightrope he’s treading in discussing this. He wants to — and does! — see the good in his fans, but there’s no denying that like every large online community, this one has a faction that runs on hate and anonymity.

Even with the boundaries he’s set between his public and private lives, sometimes “other people blur the lines for you,” he says. There’s a conversation he has to have early in a relationship, no matter how weird or premature it may feel. “Can you imagine,” he says, “going on a second date with someone and being like, ‘OK, there’s this corner of the thing, and they’re going to say this, and it’s going to be really crazy, and they’re going to be really mean, and it’s not real.… But anyway, what do you want to eat?’ ”

While Styles takes comfort in knowing his whole fandom is not like that, he still wonders about how to respond when the noise gets too loud. “It’s obviously a difficult feeling to feel like being close to me means you’re at the ransom of a corner of Twitter or something,” he says. “I just wanted to sing. I didn’t want to get into it if I was going to hurt people like that.”

When asked about her experience with his fans, Wilde is diplomatic. Like Styles, she believes in what they stand for as a collective, calling them “deeply loving people” who have fostered an accepting community. “What I don’t understand about the cruelty you’re referencing is that that kind of toxic negativity is the antithesis of Harry, and everything he puts out there,” she tells me. “I don’t personally believe the hateful energy defines his fan base at all. The majority of them are true champions of kindness.”

STYLES BECAME A leading man when he was four years old, starring in a play called Barney the Church Man. Later, he transformed into Buzz Lightyear in a production of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang “because Buzz Lightyear was in the toy shop for some reason.” His other early theater credits include: Razamatazz in Bugsy Malone (“the band leader”) and the Elvis-inspired Pharaoh in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. (He would later audition for Baz Luhrmann’s Elvis, but was deemed too iconic by the director.)

Other than that, acting wasn’t really part of his life plan. He liked it, but he found a new rush when he started performing with his band White Eskimo. When they debuted at — and won — a Battle of the Bands competition, it was the first time he felt “the switch”: his teachers looking up at him, instead of vice versa. “I think I was just a showoff,” he says, with a hint of cheekiness. “I say that like it’s past tense.”

But as Styles was preparing the release of his solo debut in 2017, he took his first foray back into acting, with a supporting role in Christopher Nolan’s war epic Dunkirk. (The director said he had no idea how famous Styles was when he cast him.) By the time Marvel recruited him to become Eros, director Chloé Zhao had no one else but Styles in mind for the role. Thanos’ more heroic brother is portrayed in the comics as an intergalactic playboy of sorts, with superhuman strength and the ability to control people’s emotions (a fitting role for the planet’s hottest pop star). MCU boss Kevin Feige recently teased more from Styles, though so far, his only appearance has been the Eternals’ post-credits scene, alongside the Patton Oswalt-voiced Pip. “It’d be funny if that was it, wouldn’t it?” he jokes of his cameo.

Styles’ role in Dunkirk grabbed Wilde’s attention as she was beginning to map out Don’t Worry Darling. He was an early contender for the role of Jack, a charming but secretive husband to Florence Pugh’s increasingly troubled Alice. And Styles had plenty of reasons to be interested in Don’t Worry Darling. Wilde’s second feature film as a director reportedly started a bidding war among 18 studios, following the success of her directorial debut, Booksmart.

Pre-pandemic talks between Styles and the Darling team didn’t make it far; he was, after all, due on a global tour for most of 2020. Instead, Shia LaBeouf won the role, but by the end of that summer, Wilde had reportedly booted the actor for poor on-set behavior.

“I’d wanted to act again,” Styles says. He spent a lot of the pandemic watching movies with his quarantine set of friends and collaborators: He rescreened favorites like the 2012 Belgian drama The Broken Circle Breakdown. Some nights, he and his friends would put a bunch of titles in a hat and choose. (“There was a couple different tastes in the house, so it was between, like, Parasite and Coyote Ugly.”)

Styles was announced as LaBeouf’s replacement a month before filming began. He proved perfect for the role of Jack, who’s brought Alice to the remote, fictional American town of Victory to work on a secret project the men at the company won’t tell their wives about. Jack’s become a star employee and is desperate for his boss’s approval. “We were looking for someone with innate warmth and palpable charm,” Wilde says. “The entire story depended on the audience believing in Jack.”

Styles shot Don’t Worry Darling between September 2020 and February 2021 in L.A. and Palm Springs. Those months were the longest Styles had lived in one place in 11 years. He thought about going completely off the grid while making it: maybe get a flip phone, stop making music. “The reality is you get there on the first day and wait around for 75 percent of it,” he says. “And it’s like, ‘Actually I’m going to text my mate.’ ”

At the start, he was understandably anxious about taking on such a large role alongside stars like Pugh, Chris Pine, Gemma Chan, and Nick Kroll. “In music, there’s such an immediate response to what you do. You finish a song and people clap,” he says. “When you’re filming and they say ‘cut,’ there’s maybe part of you that expects everyone to start clapping, [but] they don’t. Everyone, obviously, goes back to doing their jobs, and you’re like, ‘Oh, shit, was it that bad?’ ” (Being an actor reminded him of session musicians: “You get called in to do your bit, and then someone else puts it all together and makes it.”)

The risk may pay off: He and Pugh are already getting awards-season buzz. Wilde says one moment “left us all in tears” — Jack’s promotion scene during a big company gala. “It’s a strange scene, full of fascist references, and a disturbing amount of male rage,” Wilde says. “The scene called for him to stand onstage with Frank (Chris Pine) and chant their creepy slogan, ‘Who’s world is it? Ours!’ over and over again. Dark as hell. But Harry took it to another level. He was so fully in the moment, he began screaming the lines to the crowd, in this primal roar, that was way more intense than anything we expected from the scene.”

According to Wilde, Pine backed away, understanding this was Harry’s moment. “The camera operator followed him as he paced around the stage like a kind of wild animal,” Wilde remembers. “We were all gobsmacked at the monitor. I think even Harry was surprised by it. Those are the best moments for an actor — when you’re completely outside your body.”

Within weeks, Styles went from the set of Darling to shooting the more intimate My Policeman. He had read the script the year prior, moved by the story enough to have contacted director Michael Grandage and request a meeting. Styles showed up with every line memorized.

Styles plays Tom, a policeman who develops feelings for a museum curator named Patrick (David Dawson). Set in the Fifties, when it was still illegal to be in a same-sex relationship in the U.K., the pair move in secret while Tom pursues a marriage with a schoolteacher named Marion (Emma Corrin). The film shifts between the past and the present, when the three reunite under dire circumstances. “It’s obviously pretty unfathomable now to think, ‘Oh, you couldn’t be gay. That was illegal,’ ” Styles says. “I think everyone, including myself, has your own journey with figuring out sexuality and getting more comfortable with it.” To him, My Policeman is a very human story. “It’s not like ‘This is a gay story about these guys being gay.’ It’s about love and about wasted time to me.”

According to Styles, Grandage wanted to highlight what sex is really like between two men in the scenes between Tom and Patrick. “So much of gay sex in film is two guys going at it, and it kind of removes the tenderness from it,” Styles continues. “There will be, I would imagine, some people who watch it who were very much alive during this time when it was illegal to be gay, and [Michael] wanted to show that it’s tender and loving and sensitive.”

Darling and Policeman make their big premieres at prestigious film festivals in Venice and Toronto late this summer, but Styles isn’t sure his pivot to the silver screen will be permanent. “I don’t imagine I’d do a movie for a while,” he says. There are rumors about how many Marvel movies he’s signed on for and other franchises he might be secretly in talks to do. (In response to a rumor he’ll be starring in a future Star Wars series, he says, “That’s the first I’ve heard of that. I’d imagine … false.”)

He doesn’t rule out taking on new roles. “I think there’ll be a time again when I’ll crave it,” he says. “But when you’re making music, something’s happening. It feels really creative, and it feeds stuff. A large part of acting is the doing-nothing, waiting thing. Which if that’s the worst part, then it’s a pretty good job. But I don’t find that section of it to be that fulfilling. I like doing it in the moment, but I don’t think I’ll do it a lot.”

LIKE A TRUE tousled-haired prince, Styles invites me to attend a concert with him by the philharmonic in Hamburg, eight hours before his own show.

On past tours, he says, “I was getting to a lot of cities and feeling like ‘I’ve been here six times and I’ve never seen any of it.’ ” This tour, he’s been taking in a lot of architecture. “It’s something I can do on my own, just sit somewhere and look at stuff,” he says.

Studying the finer points of buildings fits the regimented, disciplined, and distinctly grown-up tour life he’s created. Styles has found himself enamored with routine on the road: 10 hours of sleep a night, IV injections pumping him with nutrients and vitamins, a strict acid-reflux-conscious diet that cuts out coffee, alcohol, and certain foods that affect the throat 50,000 fans are depending on. Last night, he slept with two humidifiers that apparently made it look like he was stepping out of a steam room when he opened his hotel-room door.

The Elbphilharmonie Hamburg — “Elphi” for short — is a striking structure, looking something like a gorgeous sail. Styles is wearing the same outfit as when I met him in the hotel the day before, only with shorts swapped out for pinstripe pants and a surgical mask covering his face. He and I are both late and can’t be let into the show until intermission, so instead we comb through the backstage hallways and elevators to see rooms built for incredible acoustics and sweeping views of Hamburg. He marvels at all of it. In a temperature-controlled room full of pianos, he asks our tour guide which is the best (“Is there a shining star?”) before sitting down at one and playing for a couple of dreamy, Beatlesque minutes. (He’d mentioned earlier that he spent last summer playing piano every day with his morning coffee.) He has questions about paneling. And like a true tourist, he takes pictures of everything.

The first time I ever met Styles was a lot like this. On his first headlining tour, in San Francisco in 2017, I went backstage to interview Kid Harpoon. Styles stumbled into the room where I was waiting, strolling around less like a headliner with fans lined up around the block and more like the lighting guy. Here was someone who is inexplicably difficult to casually enjoy (you watch one video of One Direction’s funniest interview moments on YouTube and suddenly you’re contemplating how many of their cardboard cutouts you can fit in your dorm) acting so casually. He greeted me then like an old friend, not someone who was still refusing to let go of a One Direction keychain at the time. He asked me how I had been, what I was up to in San Francisco, and if I was excited for the show. Of course I remember every second of it.

Styles has a gift for making those in his presence feel seen. Just ask fans who bump into him on walks through Central Park or Hampstead Heath, then detail those moments as if they had met the pope (granted, the pope could never pull off a hair claw).

Before the second half of the concert at the Elphi, the crowd mingles and grabs drinks. As we walk through, Styles goes unnoticed. (The mask helps.) It’s funny to watch one of the world’s biggest pop stars move through space with such ease, as if he’s blissfully unaware of how well-known he is.

“If you make your life about the fact that you can’t go anywhere and everything has to be a big deal, then that’s what your life becomes,” he says. “Now, in London, I walk everywhere. It’s hard to stumble across things and restaurants and places and stuff if you’re just driving everywhere, and it’s just not that fun.”

Styles outlines his upcoming months for me: In August, after he wraps his European tour in Lisbon, he’ll go on vacation with some friends, maybe catch up on the Love Island season he was “gutted” to miss, or see if The Bear is as good as everyone tells him it is. The next leg of his tour includes stops in L.A., New York, Austin, and Chicago as extended residencies, a decision that meets his personal need for a less strenuous touring schedule and a professional need to be able to attend film festivals and rent studios to write and record music for his fourth album. “I’m always writing,” he says. He and his collaborators are already throwing around ideas. “I think all of us are so excited to get back to it, which feels insane because we’ve just put an album out.”

More than ever, he is thinking about the future. He wants to take meaningful time off at some point — from touring at least, he’s always writing — and ensure he’s a more present figure for his family and friends. In turn, he’s learned to define what real love looks like to him. “The fantasy, or the vision, or the version of you that people can build you up to be feels like a person that isn’t flawed,” he explains. “What I value the most from my friends is I feel like I’m constantly reminded that it’s OK to be flawed. I think I’m pretty messy and make mistakes sometimes. I think that’s the most loving thing: You can see someone’s imperfections, and it’s not [that you] love them in spite of that, but it’s [that you] love them with that.”

He’s thinking about what it would be like if he had children one day: “Well, if I have kids at some point, I will encourage them to be themselves and be vulnerable and share.”

He’s thinking about what he wants to say, too. Styles admits he was uninterested in politics as a teenager, oblivious to things that didn’t personally affect him. But as he grew more famous, he worried about that, too. “I took a massive look at myself,” he says, “and was like, ‘Oh, I don’t do enough . . . or anything.” When conversations around anti-Blackness and inaction reached a fever pitch in 2020, Styles marched in the streets and read books like How to Be an Anti-Racist, by Ibram X. Kendi, and The Will to Change, by bell hooks. He started thinking about racial and gender equity, especially as someone who employs many people on the road. “Pretending as a white person you don’t get a head start just isn’t true,” he says.

We were hanging out right after Roe v. Wade had been overturned in America. “I can’t begin to imagine how terrifying it is to be a woman in America at the moment,” he says. He’ll grab a fan’s sign that reads “My Body, My Choice” at the Hamburg show, displaying it proudly onstage. There’s an energy in the crowds that fills him with careful optimism. “I feel lucky to see a group of people, even just on this tour, who come together in a way,” he says. “I think that group of people is so much less afraid of opening the wound, talking about it, and doing the work, than the generation before us.”

As we wait for the philharmonic’s packed show to restart, I notice a few young girls with their families in the audience and ask Styles what he thinks the crossover between this crowd and his show tonight will be. He looks around at the mostly older faces and goes, “Less than one percent … I know I’ll be at both.”

Styles watches the orchestra studiously. When the conductor leaves and then returns to a standing ovation, Styles whispers, “He’s about to play his big hit.” Even when he’s not peacocking in front of 50,000, he’s still trying to entertain the one person he’s with.

We walk out before the crowd fully disperses. Styles lingers a second to take some photos of the room before he heads out to get ready for his concert, where he’ll bounce around the stage, lifted by the wails of young fans who have been waiting years for this moment.

His fans will linger tonight, too, crowding in the hundreds outside Volksparkstadion. They’ll take photos of their outfits, their tear- and sweat-stained glittery faces, the piles of abandoned boa feathers. They’ll play his big hits back to him, holding a phone-light vigil as they sing One Direction’s “Night Changes” or the Fine Line ballad “Falling.” As the city echoes as much of him as it can take, he’ll probably be washing it all away.

#kingstylesdaily #Harry Styles #hs: rolling stone 2022

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