#relationships like....? i literally don't care for it

[gods-perfect-idiots]

Okay bear with me folks, I have some ~thoughts~ about the Vanessa/Wade relationship (or frankly lack thereof) in Deadpool & Wolverine. I should start by saying that I am analyzing this with the (likely erroneous) assumption that everything on screen is 100% intentional and mindfully written to deepen the characters and inform their arcs. For the record, I don't necessarily believe that's true - there is certainly room for mistakes, lazy writing, confusing plot elements, or in this case, sidelining a potentially strong and important character for nebulous reasons (I'm guessing scheduling conflicts + run time concerns + actor's strike complications but idk for sure). (Also thanks to @gossippool and @kendyroy for encouraging me to post my thoughts instead of just rambling in the tags in the first place, y'all are the realest)

Long rambly post below the cut fyi

Now, granted, it has been a while since I watched the original Deadpool so I am not as well-versed in their early relationship as I am in the handful of scenes Morena Baccarin has in dp3, but I do think it is pretty canon that Wade generally struggles to express his deeper worries and feelings (without filtering it heavily through crude humor, sex, and pop culture references of course), especially after the events of dp1 and the physical and mental damage he sustains, and Vanessa is frankly no exception despite how much he cares for her. The entire first movie hinges on the fact that he doesn't really believe she could love him in his post-Francis mangled state, which is pretty contrived imo given that the film has established already how bonded they are, and she doesn't strike me as being written to be so shallow as to reject him based on a physical deformity. I mean iirc she wanted to stick around through chemo despite him being literally riddled with inoperable cancer, so she clearly is in it for the long haul (at least in dp1), messiness and all.

Now, in dp2, obviously she is shot and killed early in the film, and Wade spends much of the rest of the film wallowing in his very profound grief, trauma, and guilt over losing her due directly to his violent lifestyle. He goes to prison, he basically gives up on life and seems very resigned to dying once he has the power suppressant collar on, even excited to do so so he can be reunited with her. She is mostly sidelined as a Fuzzy Dead Wife trope basically, but the important thing here is that he spends weeks if not months in the throes of despair over losing the love of his life just as they were trying to start a family, and trying to reach across the boundaries of death to be with her.

Now, my first couple times watching dp3 I was frustrated by the trite narrative presented in the interview scene towards the beginning - specifically Wade's whole "my girl is getting tired of my shtick and I need to show her I matter". It felt contrived and disingenuous, and I just brushed it off as iffy writing, a means to an end, but the more I reflect upon it the more I think it is based in an emotional reality that is just handled with a very light touch by the film in favor of fanservice and Poolverine content (NOT that I'm complaining in the slightest - I think this movie is a masterpiece in many ways, albeit a flawed one but that's beside the point here), which for the record I am not against because I think it lends it an air of realism. This is Wade's story after all, Vanessa is a part of it but it is ultimately about him and his journey.

Basically, I think the combination of what happened to him in dp1 (the brain damage, the trauma, the awareness of the fourth wall, etc) followed by the events of dp2 (Vanessa's death, his grief and the associated guilt and trauma of being the direct cause of her death) led to an unbridgeable emotional gap between the two of them that ultimately leads to their breakup.

It's important to note that I don't think Vanessa has any recollection of her own death, given that Wade goes back and saves her before she can take the bullet, and so of course she can never fully fathom what Wade went through grieving her and their life together and their potential family, for however long he spent between her death and bringing her back with Cable's device. She can try (and she clearly does in the one scene I'll talk about next) but I fear she accepts, maybe even in that scene, that she can never succeed. He is beyond her reach by this point, and vice versa, his experiences having fundamentally changed him.

The one scene we really see from their relationship between dp2 and dp3 is the one where Cassandra mind-gropes Wade in the Void and we see Vanessa struggling to reach Wade across this aforementioned gap - she wants him to open up, she wants him to share what he's going through, she wants him to be the person she initially fell in love with (not even selfishly - to her nothing has changed really, because to her no time has passed). But not only does he not understand what she's really asking for but he responds in such a way that makes me think he has unprocessed issues that are only tangentially related to what she's saying - ie the stuff about mattering, about asking her if she even wants to be with him, etc. And he's not the Wade Wilson she met back in dp1 anymore. He watched her die and grieved her and brought her back, believing it would make everything go back to normal and they could resume their life together as if nothing had changed, but he has been fundamentally changed in a way that she can't grasp, even if he WAS good at externally processing his trauma openly without the artifice of wry jokes. She didn't "come back wrong" - instead, she came back exactly the same as before, but HE'S different now. Not wrong, per se. But changed.

It's an interesting scene because it's obviously a memory, and a crucial one at that, but you can see how Wade is misunderstanding what she's saying, viewing it through the prism of his own lack of self-worth and his own hopelessness - he takes away that she thinks he doesn't matter (even though like he says she didn't actually say that, but I don't think Cassandra invented that wholecloth - I think she pulled it out of his psyche because that's what he believes deep down, hence why his fixation on mattering even though she never said those words exactly), he takes away that she doesn't want to be with him, that she thinks he's nothing. Which would be frustrating as an audience member to witness as a pretty simple misunderstanding which could potentially be solved with one conversation, but it feels believable to me that these two people who have shared a great love would be fundamentally separated by unimaginable, cosmic trauma, and the on conversation they would need to have to rectify the misunderstanding is one that is impossible for Wade to verbalize and equally impossible for Vanessa to conceive of. It was one thing when they had shared trauma like violence and SA in dp1, but what Wade has gone through in dp1 and dp2, humor aside, is unfathomably traumatic, brain-breakingly so even, and that's not even factoring in the possible mental illnesses he now struggles with (I've seen folks suggest schizophrenia, DID, depression, etc. but I won't get into armchair diagnosing a fictional character here - suffice it to say he is canonically unwell as a result of what has happened to him, and yes it manifests as quirky fourth wall breaks and cheeky one-liners, but within the universe of the movies he is undeniably profoundly mentally ill, and that includes this humorous alter ego he created to cope with his trauma).

I think off-screen Vanessa probably really tried to reach him, maybe for years (the six year gap implies to me that they didn't break up immediately, that they tried for a while to stay together), trying to get her Wade back, but that Wade is gone. He struggled to express that to her until eventually he started to feel rejected because he couldn't express his trauma or how much he has changed, because even he can't fully conceive of the gulf that has formed between them. The truth is, he WANTS to be that Wade again, for her and for himself, but that Wade died when she died. Or maybe he had already started dying when Francis got a hold of him in dp1.

Anyway, all this is to say, I think Morena Baccarin WAS criminally underutilized in dp2 and dp3, but I think there is a strong argument to be made for the believability of their breakup regardless. I think even relationships built on enormous love can crumble due to trauma, and what Wade suffers over these movies is mind-bogglingly enormous trauma. It's especially heartbreaking that he blames himself for their relationship ending, talks like she just got tired of him, thought he didn't matter, whatever. But it is a credit to him that he never seems to feel anger towards her about it. He doesn't seem to feel entitled to her, though he longs for her and what they had and what she represented (hope, love, a future, a family), but ultimately she becomes more of a symbol of what he lost when he gained his powers, because let's be super fr right now - even if they had succeeded in having a baby, not only would they have lived in fear of her or the kid getting killed, but ultimately Wade would likely outlive both of them even if they managed to die natural deaths. The moment he gained his powers he was already destined to lose her, which is heartbreaking because she was the only reason he opted for the treatment in the first place - so he could stay with her.

I think a big part of Deadpool & Wolverine is watching Wade continue to process his own motivations (vis-a-vis Vanessa but also his other friends) and how he does eventually let go of the idea of "mattering" in favor of just saving the people he cares about (*cough* and being saved right back *cough* by Wolvie, as the final line and shot implies). And in the process he finds someone new who cares about him, who thinks he matters, who tries to sacrifice himself for him and his friends after mere days of knowing him, who comes home with him at the end of the story, who breaks his own centuries-old patterns, who has also experienced unimaginable grief and trauma, who has struggled with wanting to die and being unable to, who not only matches his crazy but matches his FREAK and also not only won't die on him but CAN'T die on him - and more importantly cannot be randomly killed by a stray bullet.

Idk if any of this makes much sense but I do think if you read between the lines and consider the potency of trauma and grief, guilt and emotional damage at play here, Vanessa and Wade's off-screen breakup is actually pretty realistic, and really heart-breaking to boot.

You can tell she still cares about him in so many ways - she shows up for his birthday party, she shows up to his welcome home party at the end, she finds excuses for physical contact multiple times, her eyes get soft when she looks at him, but there is a distance there that Morena Baccarin does an incredible job of portraying. She cares about him deeply, she has mourned the loss of their potential life together, she has let him go and accepted that the Wade she fell in love with is gone, but she wants him in her life even though she's moving on because she realizes he's gone somewhere she can't follow (literally and figuratively). And she wants him to be happy which is why I fully believe she would immediately clock the Poolverine of it all and not-so-subtly encourage them to make it official.

Anyway. Poolverine forever. Nothing against Vanessa at all - I think she delivers a nuanced and beautiful performance, I think their relationship is sweet and heart-wrenching in large part due to her acting chops, especially given how little she is given to work with - but I think their relationship was sadly doomed from almost the very start, because Wade becomes this traumatized superhuman and Vanessa would always be at risk in his orbit, but also would always on the outside of his multiverse superhero experiences. I think it's weirdly beautiful, even if I am filling in a lot of gaps and giving the writers maybe undue credit.

Anyway... thoughts? Please DM me or write in the tags, I am feral about this movie and just want to talk about it with anyone haha. If you have further insight into these characters too I'd love to hear it - I am by no means an expert in these movies or characters!

[thedivinetarot]

Put your white tennis shoes on and follow me, why work so hard when can just be free

How do you lure people in?

☆ How to chose the perfect pile for you?

1) Close your eyes.

2) Clear your mind.

3) Take a deep breathe.

4) Ask the question in your head. Open your eyes and the picture that you are drawn to the most is your pile.

☆ Note:

- This is a general reading, so please take what resonates and leave what doesn't.

- I usually do an energy check for each pile so that the reading can resonates as much as possible.

- This reading is kind of long. Since it is divided into 4 sections. And each section shows a question including the energy check.

Take care ❤

Arya

1) How do you view yourself?

2) How do you lure people in?

3) How do you lure your romantic interest in?

Pile 1 - Under the moonlight

Your current energy

Well, in this pile I see that there's two energies. The first one is that there's a person in your life who is interested in you romantically. He might have scorpio placements or water placements (Cancer, Scorpio and pisces). I see that you are not seeing clearly the situation which is making you feel stuck and stagnant. I see that the other case here is that there's a person in your life or will enter soon who have the placements I mentioned above. At first, you are not going to trust him because you had your fair share of heartbreak. I see that you are going or you are doubting his feelings for you. I see that you think that there's a heartbreak after all this happiness and genuine feelings which is so sad honestly. What I see from the cards is that this person have a very stable feelings for you. But he is either too cold to express them or he have an avoidant attachment style. I see that this person's intentions towards you are very genuine. He want to be in a platonic relationship with you. He want to protect you and support you. I don't honestly see anything harmful coming from that person. The only thing that might sabotage this relationship is you pile 1. I think you are too afraid to be vulnerable and open up to them which keeping you stuck and away from love and happiness. You fear the heartbreak even though that person have literally your best interest at heart. Okay, another energy I'm picking up on is that this pile are working on a project and I literally feel like my mid to lower back is hurting me so bad. Maybe you are putting too much pressure on your physical body which is leading you to feel this way. Or metaphorically; you may be having a lot of assignments and projects for your college/ school or work which is keeping you restless and tired. I see that you are working with a group of people but the main focus is on you idk why. Also I feel like you are working out in a very harsh way which is giving you this pain your back pile 1. Some people here feel pain in their hips and pelvis area too. I literally feel that on my body. Try to rest, drink some herbal tea, read a book and disconnect from the internet. Go out for a walk under the sun (Idk if you live in cold or warm climate but anyways 🥲). Now let's get into the reading.

1- How do you view yourself?

So, this pile see themselves as people who lack foresight and decisiveness. I see that you guys are aware of your own potential but due to laziness and being discouraged by your life circumstances you chose to leave the battle without even trying to fight back. I see that you chose to surrender to whatever life have offered you. You could be a new school graduate who doesn't want to go to college due to your financial state. I see that also this pile are quite mature emotionally. You are a bit nostalgic to your childhood and how things were safe. I see also that you are for whatever reason; you think that your life will change like magic. I will explain to you. You see those movies where the girl lives her WHOLE life thinking she is an ordinary person but then someone tells her that she is a decent queen or princess and her life turn around 180°?(princess diaries movie is a reference here) I feel like this pile want change so bad but at some point you gave up to try and change anything. Like you lost your passion to live or even that your life will improve. I see that you are someone who is very artistic, someone who is very spiritual too. You like traveling, you like learning about different cultures. You like to educate yourself instead of scrolling endlessly on IG or tiktok. But I see that there's still hope for you. Also, what I'm seeing that this pile are quite innocent and if not then you are someone who always feel this sense of nostalgia. You feel nostalgic to people, to places, you always have something to reminisce over. Another thing I'm picking up on is that people in this group are quite motherly. They like taking care of people especially young children. You like setting with them, you like how sweet they are. You might tell yourself that you want to become a mother one day. Some people here view themselves as a gate to heaven. How so? Like you see this person who enters your life and their life change for better? I'm picking up on people with esfj, enfj, infj, isfj, estj mbti. Someone who changes people, who fix them. Who can show them the great future that await them if they change. Pile 1 you see yourself as a catalyst to change.

2-How do you lure people in?

First thing I'm picking up on is that this pile appear stable in front of people. You look put together and elegant. I see that even if you do not wear the best clothes you have people still think that what you are wearing is expensive. I see also that you appear quite heartbroken, there's this melancholic aura around you. Another thing is this pile are quite mysterious by nature. You do not overshare yourself and you keep people thirsty for more. You appear also quite faint? You see those people who are enigmatic? Their hair color is very high in contrast with their skin. There's this aura of mystery around you, which make many people wonder. "Who is she/he?" I am seeing that you are quite magnificent. In the previous paragraph I typed that you view yourself and someone who is innocent and sweet, people also view you like that pile one. They view you as someone who is lovely to be with, especially new friends or people who want to be your friend. They get so excited and happy when you are around. Also, I see that people view you as someone with many potential. You literally know that and you see it in yourself. You know that you have so much potential in you. People in your company feel in awe honestly. You make people also aware of thir beauty and potential. You see beauty everywhere you go. People also see that your views and opinions on the world are quite interesting. You see things in different light and you make people see what they was not able to see before. You appear as a lone wolf to people. You are always alone in public enjoying a drink or walking. You presence is so liked by others. I see beauty and brains yo you could be someone who is blessed by beauty and also smart soo (lucky you pile 1).

3- How do you lure your romantic interest in?

People who are romantically interested in you see that you have many options. That's why they do not dare to make a move on you. I see that many People crush on you but they fear coming in out of rejection. They fear getting rejected by you pile 1. Also I see that you appear as someone who is content on their own and you do not really want someone out of neediness. You want them because you like them That's why. I see that, you might have stalkers. People in this pile might have got stalked online or physically. I see that because of your mysterious aura People really get curious about you. I see that this pile attracts older men. Like if you are in your 20s you might notice that men who are in their 40s and 50s are attracted to you. And if you are a guy reading this then women really get intrigued by you, especially if they are older. I also see that you always have an option but you chose to stay alone because you think that working on yourself or studying is what really matters. I see that romantic interests tend to view you as someone who is out of their league, someone very nurturing. They may call you wife material and they are right! You are loyal and honest. I see also that you attract older men. Because they are more authoritative and more wealthy that people your age and a little younger/older. Some people in this pile like the baby/daddy dynamic, Idk why but I keep hearing "every man gets his wish and 1949 by Lana Del Rey" go listen to them if you want to. There's a lot of references on the cards on sugar baby/ daddy relationship. Honey, if you want an older man/woman or a sugar daddy/mommy you can easily attract one and believe me you can literally make them your slave. I see that your romantic interest value you because you are not afraid of walking away from things that do not serve you. I see that the love relationship that you are seeking and imagining in your head is meant for you in this lifetime. And you are going to get them no matter how old you get.

4- Placements for this pile

Fire placements (Aries, Sagittarius and leo). Earth placements (Taurus, Capricorn and virgo). Aquarius, Cancer, Venus in scorpio. Pluto with aspects to the ascendant. Mars, jupiter, Uranus, Mercury, neptune dominant.

Pile 2- A cross the shore

Your current energy

Okay, I see this pile feels disappointed because of a man in your life? He could either be your father or someone you are with in a relationship. I see that this man is sabotaging your happiness. You could be so happy and satisfied and then you set with him and your mode change 180° for the worst. I see that also if you are a woman you might be a gemini and this man is so cocky that he make you feel anxious and out of element. Another thing I'm picking up on is that this pile are trying to juggle many responsibilities but due to stress and anxiety you are just postponing your priorities until you get the mind clarity that you are looking for. And if not that case is applicable to your case then I see that you are someone who is very structured or organized and there's many responsibilities on your shoulders right now but due to stress and exhaustion you are just surrendering to life? I see that you need some time for yourself pile 2, try to reflect and take a break. If you have many responsibilities then break the task into small baby steps so you can complete it; also try to take a break between each task. Pile 2 your spirit team is telling you that the worst have finally ended and they want you to know that whatever thing you wish for you'll get it. I see that they are encouraging you to get out and be more social and be optimistic. They hate seeing you sad and anxious. They want you to know that they love you and they are working day and night to insure that you are safe and sound. Idk why I started tearing up I feel suddenly a wave of warm emotions, I also feel so tired and sleepy pile 2 if you want to sleep please go and sleep everything will be alright. They are telling me that the clarity you want will come to you quickly and you don't have to work for it. You only need to set still and listen to the synchronicity they are sending you. Each one of those synchronicities have something to do with what you want to know. God bless you pile 2.

1- How do you view yourself?

I see that you view yourself as someone who is very spiritual. A priestess, I'm seeing. You like to dive deep into the unknown, you have this thirst for dark knowledge like occult, witchcraft, tarot, astrology, alchemy and other forms of divination. I see that you see yourself as someone who embody the pluto archetype. Someone who is in a constant inner change, you could be now having your first or second spiritual awakening which is kinda harsh in your lens. I see that you are someone who is very patient and stubborn. Someone who can reach whatever they want. I see also that you see yourself as someone who is scattered brain and your head is always in the clouds. You could be a dreamer too. I'm seeing that you are someone who is trying their best but you feel like the best thing is nothing important to anyone. I feel like you might see yourself as someone who is an outcast? Someone who is overlooked by others. People don't really take you seriously and they think that you are dumb? (I'm not saying you are dumb neither people around you, it is your perception to things pile 2). I see that you see yourself as someone who is mentally ill, someone who is overlooked by people from their own gender. You might have dealt with girls/girl friends who used you for what you have like money/service or attention and then they ditched you when their business has done. I see that you might be so attached to your female caregiver so much it could be your mother or grandmother or old sister for some of you. Put I'm seeing that this caregiver is old like in their 40s. This pile has a really melancholic perspective of who they are it is like someone who is lost. I see that unlike pile 1, you use your intuition a lot or you started listening to your intuition in order for you to survive. You might have given a lot of people lots of second chances but they played you again until you literally got drained and depleted of energy. So, as a coping mechanism you chose to stay by yourself so you can protect your inner peace. I see you may call yourself a freak in a proud way. Like you see those people who got treated horribly because of their personalities but then they accepted the fact that it is what it is and they started calling themselves of what people called them proudly? You might be like this.

2- How do you lure people in?

Well, pile 2. I see that you act distant and aloof in front of people but once you warm up to someone you can be really helpful. I see that at first people see that you are starting fresh and new in your life (because of your spiritual awakening) they see how mentally and perhaps physically you are changing. I see that you try to do your best to keep your life together, people can see that you are trying but what make them sad is you do not ask for help. You do not want anyone to help you. You think that no one cares but in fact people care more than you think. I see what really make those people stay away from you is that you do not give them a chance to reveal themselves. You might be in a survival mode and you see everything in black and white but life is more than that. This pile make me so sad. It is like I'm not reading for HOW you lure people in it is like WHAT people's reaction when they see you and it is completely two different things. I think that this pile need to work on their perception of themselves because the way you see yourself play a major role of how people treat you. I think that you have self worth issues and you think that you do not deserve happiness or love or friendship. You are telling yourself the SAME damn story to convince yourself that it is what it is but it is not WHAT YOU THINK! I know this awakening is so hard but believe me when you emerge from your cocoon as a beautiful butterfly you'll see how good it is. I feel like many people in this pile are confused of which stage in the spiritual awakening you are in. Personally I've gone through that and this video will help you. I feel like you are in place in your life where survival is an apparent theme and not really anything else. You might be on survival mode for like months or even years. It is not for everyone so take what resonates.

3- How do you lure your romantic interest in?

Okay, due to your distorted self perception of yourself your romantic interests tend to avoid getting closer. But they do see the potential in you. I see that to the opposite gender you might be someone who is considered cute or attractive in general, but the thing is you do not see that yourself. I see that the opposite gender see you as someone who is the wish come true. To them you are someone who is very familiar and lovely. They are so pleased when you talk to them. I told you pile 2. Your self perception is stopping you from going after things that will make you happy. I see that your romantic interest sees how cool and good you are but they fear coming in because of the rejection and heartbreak you'll cause them. I see that you are a forbidden fruit to them. Like they are allowed to look but not allowed to taste or touch. Like a beautiful painting on a wall, they want to get closer to you, they want to touch you and get to know you but you are the one who is running away from anyone who mignt be a good option for you. You might like to start your relationship with the opposite gender as friendship and then develop it into something romantic. I see that your romantic interest view you as someone who is very fortunate, someone who is sweet, bubbly and someone they can trust to have a family with. People in this pile are divided into two sections, one energy here; their romantic interest views them in a sexual lusty way. Like you might be blessed with curves (bigger boobs, nice body shape) they see all of this and they are like "🤤", If you are a man or male I think the opposite gender see you as someone hot or you know very attractive too. I think people in this pile, their romantic interest see you as marriage material. They touch themselves as the thought of you pleasuring them. Others in this pile attracts people like them. Like if you are someone with low self esteem, you'll attract someone with low self esteem too. If you are commitment phobe, you'll attract someone exactly like you. So be careful. In this pile you might feel like your romantic interest mirror your inner self. The trauma, your fears, your doubts, how you see yourself. They mirror it, so please pile 2, try to work on that we want to attract good people into our life.

Placements for this pile:

Gemini, Capricorn, Sagittarius, Water placements or water dominants (Cancer, Scorpio and pisces). Taurus,Virgo, Jupiter, moon, Saturn, Mercury, Pluto dominant. number 3 is significant in this pile.

Pile 3- The light house

Your current energy

Hello pile 3. How are you? I hope you are doing well. First thing I'm picking up on is that this pile is confused. I feel like you just woke up from a deep sleep or you have slept like +9 hours but you are still tried. I feel like this pile are trying to heal and seek clarity. I see that you are trying to label your values and what you really want from life. This pile’s energy are quite serene. You are living your life in a monotone way. Like you wake up, go to work/school/ college, study, eat, go to sleep. And the cycle repeat itself again. You want change in your life but you know that change will not come easily unless it starts from you pile 3. You know that and you are aware of it. You are aware that in order to change you need to work on yourself, you need to get to know your values, what you like and dislike. You want to get to know yourself and what you truly want to live. I see also that you are hanging on a connection that you think has potential but believe me darling, this connection is just an attachment. You are attached to this person and not the other way around. Perhaps, this person may at some point saw something in you but they do not know how to reach out. They do not know how it will work and you know that too. This pile’s energy is very stable, and rational honestly unlike pile 2; I felt like I'm suffocating and I cried while typing their paragraph. Anyways, I see you guys are thinking of moving into another state or country. I see by traveling there; you will put an end to the stagnant energy within you or your life. I see also that this pile will suffer from a short term poor financial state but then everything will be alright. I see that someone might enter your life pile 3, he could be a sagittarius or have sagittarius placements. This person is very driven and sexy omg. I see that soon He will be in your life. The cards are telling me that he will be there all of sudden. His entrance will shake up things in your life for the better. Don't worry pile 3, you will have the cake and eat it too. Soooo enjoy the attention.

1- How do you view yourself?

This pile view themselves as someone who is witty and cunning with a hint of manipulation. I see that you know how to use people to your liking and advantage. I also see that have a pretty convincing way of communicating. You know how to gaslight people to give you want you want. Some people in this pile do manipulate people intentionally, they know what they are doing. I see that you can be pretty lazy and harsh with people. You might have mercury in sagittarius? Or mercury with harsh aspects to pluto? Someone who is very intelligent and lazy. Almost gives me INTP, ISTP, ISTJ, ENTP and some of you could be INFJ or INTJ too. Many of you have been through a lot of financial issues which forced you to leave your lazy tendencies and start seek a job so you can feed yourself. I feel like you are someone who lives alone in their own apartment or own a house by themselves. But you owned this after you worked like a dog to earn this money. I see that some people here lack imagination and you don't really understand why some people call themselves dreamers. You thunk dreaming or imagining things is a dumb thing or you seek the psychological meaning behind it. People in this pile are so logical and pragmatic, you have no connectionto emotions becauseyou think people who think with their heart are stupid. You prefer to see things in objective way. And you hate anything related to theory. You see that there's no use in using theories and you only believe in hard facts. In this pile I see also that you hate being bored I remembered when Lana twitted on X "you are boring me to death and I'm already dead". I think you hate boredom too pile 3. You hate boring people and dumb people. People in this pile can be Narcissists or Machiavellian or you have symptoms of this personality disorder (take what resonates I will not label people here as good or bad you know if you are good or bad pile 3). Also you have a high self esteem and you think that you deserve the world. You might be working right now so you can be in a high position in society. Someone who is authoritative and demanding. You want people to fear you and to respect you more than to like or love you. You get thrilled when someone announce that they hate you and they are your enemy. You like that and it gives you this energy boost. I see also that you are digging your way up, you are trying to prove to yourself that you'll be someone great in the future. You have this enormous drive to you that make you go on and on to reach your goals I'm hearing Marina song "High achiever can't you see, baby nothing come for free" but I forgot the song's name lol. You are always working on your goals and have a vision for the future.

2- How do you lure people in?

Omg this pile is quite bitchy. I hate saying this but people are attracted to you and hate you at the same time. They are attracted to your charm but they hate it when you turn the table on them. You might be someone who LIKES to gossip and because of that almost no one really want to be your friend. People like it when they come to you for advice because you are not swayed by emotions or imagination, you give them your opinion without being shy of sayingthe truth. You lure people in there's this drive to you, the ambition. Especially if you are a man or a male or masculine, everyone droll over how masculine you are. They like how decisive you are. People see the inner power in you, they see how passionate and wonderful you can be. Also you intimidate people, your presence make people uncomfortable because of the powerful aura you show to others. I see also that there's this wonder-ness about you. People in this pile here are not ashamed to explore and discover what they want as I mentioned in the energy check in. I see also that you keep ignoring your intuition and you lack emotional maturity which is soon will be changed. I see one of the lessons you'll learn in this lifetime is to be more emotionally intelligent and to be more compassionate towards others. People see that you are a me me me person. They see that because of your confidence and charm you can be a bit (How can I say it?) You are attention seeker? You are giving me The Weekend vibe idk why😭.

3- How do you lure your romantic interest in?

Your possible romantic interest view you as someone who is warm and optimistic. Most of your romantic interest crush on you because of how you look. They have no idea how dangerous you can be lol. Anyways, your romantic interests view you as someone who doesn't have man friends or a lone wolf even if you are an extrovert and you know a lot of people they assume that you are a lone wolf who doesn't have many friends. I see that your romantic interest are mostly dreamers or people who are delusional. Or I see that you attract people who are the total opposite of your personality. It is for a reason and the reason is to connect more with your emotional side. Your romantic interest feel scared of approaching you because you appear a bit unbalanced or a player. They see you as someone who will probably play them and fuck with their heart (A heartbreaker honestly). You might be someone who is considered attractive to people in the country you are living in. I see that you have a very sexy aura and you sexual energy is out of the chart. You might post nudes of yourself just to tease your crushes online. You have many stalkers too. If you are a guy many girls stalk you online. And if you are a female/girls/feminine many guys harass you online and they send you +18 pic of their.... you know. I see also that your romantic interest view you as someone who is quite harsh with words or someone who is very honest like bluntly honest which most of the time hurt their feelings. Your romantic interest view you as someone who they see a long term relationship with. They see you as someone who can pull them out of their shell. Also someone who is very smart and intelligent. They like how smart you are.

Placements for this pile

Air placements or dominant (Gemini, Libra and Aquarius). Sagittarius, Leo especially the ascendant, Capricorn, Sun, Mercury, Venus, jupiter as dominant planets in your chart.

Pile 4- Eye of a mermaid

Your current energy

Hello pile 4, how are you? Well let's get into the energy check of yours. First thing I'm picking up on is that you are either in love with someone who doesn't love you back or you have ended a romantic relationship because of a third party. But what mostly obvious here is that there's chasing and convincing. I see that you or the other person are chasing one another and no it is not mutual. It is like the more feminine energy in this connection is putting too much effort that the man started to feel egoistic and self assured that the feminine won't leave him. I see that you guys are very generous and selfless people. You have many friends and you are spending majority of time asking for their advice on your love life. It is painful honestly, I feel like my heart is sinking. You have many potential pile 4 and whatever you are chasing won't come to you unless you detach and forget about it. It is okay if we love someone and they don't love us back but the problem is when you hang your WHOLE existence around that perosn. Love is pure, genuine, it is the most pure energy in this universe. So, don't be sad that they are not sharing their love with you. Instead, be concerned on how to detach from that person. Another energy I'm picking up on is that you might be in a fwb situation or poly relationship. I see many parties interfering with the relationship that you feel the person you are loving is not loving you back. This person honestly is not the best so, try to move yourself out of the situation and give them a block for 2 months. If this person tried to reach out during these 2 months then they care for you and if not then you are just a replacement (sorry for being harsh on you pile 4). I see that this pile here there's someone perhaps a soulmate. This person is coming too soon into your life so whatever situation you are in, you'll find someone who will give you the love that you give to others and they will held you accountable. Okay my dears?

1- How do you view yourself?

Okay, first thing I'm picking up on is that you are someone who really hate change. You can literally eat the same food, do the same routine and live on the same frequency for ages without trying to change you life circumstances. Also, I see that you are someone who is very smart and intelligent. You see yourself as someone who is not swayed by delusions. The funny thing is (what I'm picking up on intuitively) that you say that you don't believe in tarot, astrology or paranormal stuff but you manage to read tarot or like being curious about your placements and other stuff. I see that you see yourself as someone who is pessimistic and not that funny or optimistic at all. The cards are also telling me that you need to change or at least accept the idea of change. You appear as someone who is very charming, tempting or someone who is quite attractive to others. Also you are someone who is very active, you like to keep yourself busy during the day. I see a job that requires you to stay active and in service. You could be a waiter/ waitress or cashier? Someone who is always moving. And if not then you are an athletic who have to always be training. You are someone who is always in their head. You might have anxiety or anxiety attacks randomly. You might also try to surrender to circumstances but there's this voice inside you that always nagging you to keep fighting and pushing back. I guess that's why you are always pessimistic pile 4, it is because you hate how you are forcing yourself to keep going. Because after all this enforcement you are not getting the result you aspire to get at all. You are someone who is very generous with time, effort and money. I see that you view yourself as someone who is very cooperative and if not then you view yourself as an extrovert who have many friends. The cards keep replying the same idea which is the selflessness. You need yo balance the give and take energy in you. If someone gave you attention try to give them the same amount they are giving you and don't take it too far. I see that you have people pleaser tendencies. I see that you don't really see the people pleasing thing as a problem at all. Like you truly like to help others because it heals something in you. I'm picturing Monica Gellir from Friends. She have this strong energy, presence and above all she is so caring and hard worker. You may have something in common with her. I see that you are someone who is a bit romantic too. You like romance, but you see those people on tiktok who read lots of romantic stuff and when someone actually is interested they cringe? You might be like that. I see that you are someone who is very loyal, especially to your friends. You might have you venus or moon in Taurus. I'm sensing here a lot of devotion from you guys unlike pile 3 they are narcissists lol.

2- How do you lure people in?

Pile 4 are you an ENFJ/ESFJ? I feel like this pile are a knight in a shining armor. I feel also that you project a picture to people that is not true about yourself. You may pretend like you have a specific traits that are not in you or you lie about sensitive stuff to avoid the hard feelings that come with it. Many people in this pile are very active and action oriented. People see you as someone with a lot of energy to give to others. I see that you are very helpful and people like that. The way you lure people in is a mix of fogginess and helpfulness. Or you may see that at first people project alot of stuff into you, they may tell you things that is not necessary you. Pile 4 do you have neptune/ascendant aspects? Because people always tend to project into you stuff that are not there. People may view you as someone who is naive, others tend to view you as someone who is manipulative. And so on and so forth. I see that also people view you as someone who lack imagination and if you are imaginative by nature then they see that you are someone who is not spiritual at all. They may tell you that you look helpless even though you know where exactly you are going. There's this fog around how people view you. They can't quite tap into who you truly is! Which leave you misunderstood by others. You are exactly like someone for ex, who spent their whole life being told that they are selfish but you are not selfish and you know that. I see that people see you as someone who is a hard worker. They see your efforts and they appreciate them too. People (because of the projection thing) can't really tell you who you truly are. They see the effort you put but not your potential. You may get laughed at when you claim to want to be a model, a singer or anything because people don't seem to think that you can do that. In fact you can, it is just the thoughts of them that they project onto you which is quite sad honestly. People tend to get possessive of you and attached not because of who you are, but because of who they view you to be. It is like those people have something missing and they paint you with what is missing in their life and they claim that you fulfill all the things that is missing from their life. It is sad honestly because they can't see you for who you truly are, instead they project into you. This pile feels like an object to other people which keep them stuck in the same patterns. I guess from what I'm seeing in the cards that your life mission is to get to know yourself and stop letting others project into you.

3- How you lure your romantic interest in?

Okay, your romantic interest see that you are someone who is very independent and ambitious. You may attract a lot of mentally ill people into your life? Or people with avoidant attachment style or peoplewho are non-committed? I see that this people are quite manipulative. Like for ex, they may lie to you about something that they don't have and then you get shocked of the truth. I see that this pile attracts many cheaters. Or people who is considered a walking red flag. People in this pile may have dated people who do not love them. Not love, I see lust. The opposite gender may lust over you a lot sadly. You may be someone who is considered attractive or beautiful in social standards. You attract many cheaters into your life and indecisive people too. Like okay, those people can never be serious or committed to you at all. I'm picking up on the other woman vibe. A girl or a woman who is so beautiful, she have a big heart but all she get from the opposite gender is cheating, lies non-committed relationships or you may be the side chick in the relationship. That's why in the beginning of the reading I felt this sense of unrequited love! It is because you want a relationship, you want love but you can't seem to attract those to you and it is frustrating! You may always try to prove that you are more than a beautiful face/body but unfortunately they only see you as a sexual object. And if you are a man you may have dated several women who were not serious about committing to you or women who is considered hot but are superficial and only cares about money (like more than who you truly are). This pile is sad honestly, all people here are not seen for who they truly are but instead who people want them to be. So, I see that you'll take a reflecting period and quit dating for a while just to see what you truly want and if you are already doing that then good for you pile 4. You deserve applause 👏🏻. Take time and detach, learn how to love yourself, and seek the truth! You truth and what truly matter in your life.

Placements for this pile

Fire placements especially Aries, Air placements (Gemini, Libra and Aquarius). Earth placements (capricorn, virgo and taurus). Saturn, Mercury, jupiter, Uranus, neptune, sun dominant.

Post dated: 22nd of Sep/2024- Sun

*Feedback is appreciated

[loveemagicpeace]

Neptune & illusion

Here I am describing the things that are confusing and illusory that Neptune can bring. Neptune, the planet of dreams, illusions, spirituality, and the unseen, governs the realms of imagination, intuition, and the subconscious. Named after the Roman god of the sea, Neptune’s energy is fluid, mystical, and elusive, often associated with the dissolution of boundaries and the desire to merge with the divine or the infinite. In astrology, Neptune is linked to creativity, compassion, idealism, and escapism, but also to confusion, deception, and disillusionment. Neptune rules over the realms of fantasy, creativity, and artistic expression. It inspires visions of what could be, often fueling dreams, art, and music.

One of Neptune’s challenging qualities is its association with illusion, confusion, and deception. Neptune can create a fog that obscures reality, leading to misunderstandings or fantasies that do not align with the truth. It rules over situations where things are not as they seem, and can bring about disillusionment when the idealized version of reality falls apart. This planet can also represent escapism, whether through daydreaming, addiction, or avoiding life’s harsher realities.

This planet is associated with addiction, whether to substances, fantasies, or behaviors that allow people to avoid dealing with reality. Neptune’s influence can create a longing to escape the harshness of life, making it easy to fall into patterns of avoidance or self-destructive habits.

Neptune in 1st house- The first house represents your personality, appearance and energy. Therefore, Neptune in the first house will literally be a part of you. Your personality will be dreamy and you may spend a lot of time in your head or in your world. You like to live somewhere else because it helps you not to face reality so much. For example: you are having coffee with a group of people and everyone is talking about a topic, but you are just sitting drinking coffee and daydreaming and you are in your own world. With Neptune here, you turn off the entire reality and the world around you. People find you special, mysterious, dreamy and can often idealize your personality and you. Many people find you as someone who is like from a cartoon, infinite, special. With this placement, you can also manifest a lot because you give an illusion about yourself and your life to others that may not exist, but others believe it. You can become too idealistic about yourself and your appearance. You can fall into too much illusion about yourself. This "Neptunian" persona can be a double-edged sword—while it can make them seem alluring, it can also cause confusion or misunderstanding in relationships, as others might see them as something they are not.

Neptune in 2nd house- you can dream a lot about money, wealth and material things. Here you can be careful who you lend money to or tell them about, because you can run into people who rob you. your inner feelings can sometimes be very strange and illusory, maybe you think you feel a certain way but you really don't. Neptune can create illusions or confusion around money, self-worth, and material possessions. The illusion lies in valuing things that may seem important in the moment but are unstable or unrealistic long-term, leading to potential financial instability or confusion about true self-worth.

Neptune in 3rd house- your thoughts can be dreamy many times. You often feel unaccepted by your relatives and you may also have an incomprehensible relationship with your siblings. Many times very strange things can happen to you when it comes to relatives or siblings. One of them could be weird or have a mental illness or the things you learn about them are very shocking. It can happen to you that sometimes you think that some things are completely different than you thought they were. You can be firmly convinced of something and then find out that it was never true.

Neptune in 4th house-a lot of strange things can happen here at home. A home can be full of mystery and confusion. Maybe when you grow up you can find out things about your mother that you didn't expect. Your mother can be a mystical, mysterious woman, maybe her personality can be covered. You can live in a house where strange things happen and are somehow inexplicable. There’s often a deep longing for an ideal home life that feels peaceful and spiritually fulfilling. The illusion lies in the tendency to escape into fantasies about family or emotional safety, sometimes avoiding confronting difficult truths about their home environment or past.

Neptune in 5th house- your jealousy of your partner can overwhelm you many times. You can imagine things that your partner has never done. You have the feeling that your partner is having an affair with someone else, but this is not happening at all. This placement can be suspicious when it comes to dating and love life. Your partner can also leave your life without knowing it, maybe while you are on a trip. They may fall for unavailable or elusive people, drawn to the dream of perfect love, which leads to heartbreak when the illusion fades. This placement can also blur boundaries when it comes to pleasure-seeking, sometimes leading to indulgence in escapist behaviors like substance use, risky romantic flings, or over-identifying with fantasy worlds.

Neptune in 6th house-you can imagine an illness or think you have an illness that you don't really have. Here you have to take care of your body's health, and it's difficult because you can have a different idea of ​​your body than it really is. Illnesses can come from your subconscious and you can also heal yourself. The idea of ​​a certain body can sometimes confuse you or you have the feeling that your body looks different than it really is. Anorexia can be common here (but it does not necessarily depend on other aspects).

Neptune in 7th house- it can happen that your partner suddenly disappears or leaves your life and you don't even know why. It's like waking up in the morning and your partner is no longer in your apartment and you start looking for them everywhere and you can't find them. As if they disappearance was very unusual and strange. However, since Neptune is the planet of illusions, it is possible to feel that everything in the relationship has always been okay and that the relationship has always been very good, but in reality you may find out that the partner did not like many things. The relationship itself can be very illusory, so you need to be careful not to get too involved.

Neptune in 8th house- can create a fog around emotional depth and intimacy. You may have a tendency to idealize your emotional or sexual relationships, seeing your partners as more perfect or spiritually connected than they are in reality. You might be more prone to fantasies about life after death, the unknown, or spiritual enlightenment, and this could skew your perception of reality. Neptune can create an unconscious fear of betrayal or abandonment, which may lead you to be paranoid or overly trusting in relationships.

Neptune in 9th house-There can be a sense of disillusionment or confusion regarding organized religions or traditional belief systems, leading to a more personalized or eclectic spiritual path. Neptune's influence can blur the lines between reality and illusion. There is a risk of becoming lost in fantasies or unrealistic expectations about education, travel, or spiritual pursuits. One of the primary illusions with Neptune in the 9th house is the idealization of spiritual beliefs or teachers. There can be a strong desire to escape into distant lands in search of freedom or spiritual awakening, but this can sometimes lead to an unrealistic view of the world. People with this placement might experience a sense of "spiritual wanderlust," constantly seeking but never fully finding the ultimate truth they crave.

Neptune in 10th house- You might struggle with finding clear direction in your professional life. Neptune can cloud your judgment, leading to unrealistic or overly idealistic goals. Neptune can cause you to project an unclear image, leading to misunderstandings or misinterpretations of your abilities. There is a tendency to idealize certain career roles or to feel a spiritual calling, but without proper grounding, they can become disillusioned when reality falls short of their fantasies. However, you must be careful not to lose yourself in escapist fantasies or idealize certain roles that might not be grounded in reality.

Neptune in 11th house-You might place your friends on a pedestal, seeing them through rose-colored glasses and ignoring their flaws. Neptune can blur boundaries, causing you to be too trusting or giving in your friendships. Neptune can cause you to be overly idealistic about your hopes for the future. They can easily lose themselves in the needs or expectations of others, sometimes becoming a "savior" or martyr within their social group. Friends may project their own fantasies or expectations onto them, which can create confusion or misunderstanding in these relationships. Be careful of friends which are false.

Neptune in 12th house- You may find it difficult to confront your own fears, trauma, or emotional pain, preferring to avoid them altogether. This avoidance can manifest as addictions or unhealthy habits, used to numb yourself from the emotional intensity of your inner world. You might not be fully aware of your hidden fears or suppressed emotions, leading to confusion or self-sabotage

-Rebekah🍀🧚🏼‍♀️🫧

[romanticatheartt]

You know what I want- no what I need in Gwynriel book?

For Azriel to realize to have a love and relationship like his brothers you don't have to be with your mate. I want him to realise, his brothers being mated to the love of their lives, it's a bonus. I want him to get to this point of his friendship/relationship with Gwyn where he's like "I don't care if Gwyn isn't my mate, she's my person and the only one for me". The very thing he didn't do with Mor and Elain.

In the books we keep reading how he is waiting for a bond to snap with Mor. He's not even trying to get to know her on deeper level, form a friendship or create a safe space for her to be vulnerable with him. Because somehow he delude himself into believing she's his mate and is waiting for it to happen. He's not even trying to be close to her and prove himself a worthy partner, if it gets to that point. He thinks having a mating bond is deal done for his mate to accept him for who he truly is.

With Elain is also the same situation. He's thinking she should've been his mate, why the Mother gave his brothers 2 of the sisters but "the third" to another? He thinks he can claim her because yet again he delude himself into believing she is his mate, even he and literally everyone else knows the shared bond between Lucien and Elain is as real as it gets. In his head being mated to Elain makes sense just like being mated to Mor did, even tho it literally doesn't. It shows he's desperate, he really wants that bond because he genuinely believes no one will want him, unless there's a bond (not specifically love, I don't think he believe in someone actually falling in love with him. And he doesn't know what love is lol).

So with Gwyn I want something absolutely different. He already doesn't see her as a potential anything lol. He genuinely just sees her as Gwyn and not his possible mate or lover. We even have him say he doesn't even consider her a friend, which people think it's bad thing but I think it's a perfect opportunity for Azriel, to have no expectation from that person. To don't wait for a mating bond to happen. To get to know Gwyn and she gets to know him and Azriel being himself. Because he always hid parts of himself from Mor and Elain. Specially Elain.

I want to see him unguarded with Gwyn, open in a way he never was with any of those two. And we saw how he can be, in bonus chapter. The way we learn a very personal thing about him that we have never known throughout the whole series, and Gwyn being the one to receive that information says a lot. So I can't wait to see a completely new Azriel that he never shows to anyone in his book.

[ohtobeleah]

This is kinda how I picture readers cafe in Ilya // Logan Howlett.

Logan sits on that yellow stool day in and day out, just driving you crazy. But its welcome company. You didn't always have that yellow stool. But as your relationship with Logan changed and progressed into something not bound by labels, you got it for him. From the dumpster behind Wades apartment complex.

Before you knew his name, or anything about the brooding man who would eventually hold your heart in the palm of his hand, he'd sit at the table closest to the door. Still admiring from afar.

The books behind the counter have all been left behind by previous owners. They found a new home in your cafe much like Logan dose. He often asks you to pick him out something to read while its quiet, or for when he knows he’ll be back at his place in his own bed.

Your cafe is a wayward sanctuary for mercenaries, avengers, vigilantes and well—criminals. But no matter what there's one golden rule everyone follows. No one disrespects you. It doesn't matter what side they found themselves on or what moral compass they held…if something ever happened to you? It would cause a war.

Logan hangs the lights for you one day when its raining. He's known for months that you've been wanting to hang them up but never put them high enough on your priority list.

There's more blood soaked into the hardwood flooring of your cafe than your convinced is in your body. Its a small price to pay when your customer base is the apparently the scum of the earth. However, You have a pretty good first-aid kit and have been on a first name basis with majority of the first responders in your neighbourhood.

Logan helps you around the cafe more than he'd care to admit. But he knows how much love you out into your business. He knows why you do what you do. You give people who don't have much a place to call home. Somewhere safe. That's one of the many reasons he loves you.

When your daughter, Ilya, is born. Logan makes it his primary purpose to keep that little girl safe and sound at all times. So as you work with her literally on your hip, Logan is there to make sure not a soul comes in to cause trouble. The rule was and always had been ‘No fighting, fucking or freaking out past the threshold’ But sometimes things happen.

Logan babyproofs the cafe top to bottom.

[cdbabymp3]

part one ― telling young dad!hamzah you're pregnant

notes ; established relationship, reader is 20 & hamzah is 22, unplanned pregnancy, angst, tw // anxiety attack (pls be careful reading baes)

disclaimer ; i want to say real quick that being a young parent is in no way a bad thing. literally half of my family are/were young parents (#🇲🇽), so i've seen the beauty with it but also how quickly your life changes. it's terrifying and not always easy to accept at first, so i feel like it's important to reflect that in my writing. everyone's experience is different and everyone views motherhood differently ! pls remember this is an au and entirely fictional !!!

you stare at the positive pregnancy test until your eyes started to burn. finally blinking back hot tears, you set it down atop the bathroom counter.

how could this happen?

you and hamzah were always extremely careful. it was almost a joke how on him you were about wearing a condom and how punctual you were about taking birth control. when you two went grocery shopping and there'd be a baby screaming and crying in your aisle, you always said a silent prayer that you didn't have to deal with that any time soon―or even maybe at all. you didn't dislike the idea of motherhood, however it always a topic you were quick to change. you never felt especially maternal, but it was deeper than that. it was your own self-doubt about being able to care for someone else. when your cousin let you hold her newborn baby, you froze up, worried you'd drop him or he'd start to wail. everyone around you thought you were overreacting, but you can't help it. how are you meant to care for something so small, something so fragile, when you can barely take care of yourself?

you're fully spiraling now, whole body trembling and buzzing as you slide down against the wall. you can't see straight, things keep zooming in and out. desperately trying to find stability, you white knuckle the bathtub, heaving shallow breaths. it feels like someone is trying to choke you out, but won't put you out of your misery. the mascara mixed with your salty tears stings your eyes and stains your flushed cheeks. you close your eyes, trying focus on slowing your breathing, but it's no use. it's like your heart is beating in your ears the way it pounds like a jackhammer, hot and clamorous―yet, you start to break out in a cold sweat.

"y/n? babe?" hamzah calls out from the bedroom, setting his car keys down on the dresser and walking over to the bathroom where the door is cracked open. he slowly enters trying to find you, eyes immediately flicking to where you sit by the tub. "oh my god, y/n!" he rushes down to you, picking up your trembling body and setting you on top of the toilet. he keeps both hands firmly on your shoulders, trying to anchor you.

"i-h-hamzah-i'm-i-" you stammer out, trying to reach for the test to show him, but he coos softly, wanting to keep you still so you don't topple over.

"what? what happened, baby? what's wrong?" he asks, trying to read your face as he notices your eyes are locked on what sits on the counter. he frowns, confused, looking over and seeing the test. his stomach drops, quickly reaching over and picking it up. he reads it over a couple times just to make sure his mind isn't playing tricks on him. he manages to rip his eyes away from it, looking at you. his heart breaks a little at the sight. you poor thing, you're absolutely petrified. he sees your bottom lip quiver, your beautiful eyes going red and spilling heavy tears. there's a beat of silence before he takes a deep breath and sets down the test.

"i'm so fucking sorry, hamzah." you whisper out shamefully, swallowing back a sob.

"hey, no....don't say that." he shakes his head, crouching down in front of you and caressing your thigh, "what do you have to be sorry for, huh? i'm the one who did this to you."

without even trying, you let out a weak giggle. even in times like this, he knew how to ease the tension just enough. he was just happy to see your smile for a moment.

"we're always so careful-how?-i-i don't even know-" trying to make sense of this, you ramble.

"i know...it's okay, it's okay...shh," he rubs your thigh some more, trying to keep you from getting worked up again, "baby, you're still shaking. you gotta breathe, okay? like this, watch me."

you nod, following his breathing in....and out....in....and out. it takes a couple tries, but steadily your heart rate starts to calm down. you're still fucking terrified, but more ready to speak coherently. "what do we do?" you ask him, wiping your cheek.

he takes another deep breath, thumb stroking your skin as he speaks, "well, that's up to you. it's your choice."

"yeah, but....we can't actually have baby right now." you tell him matter-of-factly, waiting for him to agree but to your surprise he stays quiet. "right?" you try him again, but second pass and he avoids your eyes. a small smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth. "hamzah...."

he looks up at you with a little shrug to defend himself, "i think we could make it work."

"that's not funny, c'mon." you swear he's joking, but his earnest gaze doesn't falter. he's being dead serious. "no-oh my god?? hamzah, no....are you being serious?" you laugh at him and his ridiculous notion.

"i mean, a lot would change, yeah. but....i think we could do it." he speaks with confidence and you're honestly baffled, still on the fence.

"how?" you challenge him.

he sighs, thinking it over for a second, "i don't know, we'd figure it out."

you scoff, "this isn't something you just 'figure out'. this is being responsible for another human. you think you're ready for that? because i'm fucking not. i almost just suffocated merely finding out that i'm pregnant―the baby's not even here yet, hamzah. and i don't know the first thing about being a good mom. i don't know anything. what happens when they're not sleeping through the night? or when they're sick with a fever at 2 in the morning? or when they fall and get hurt? or when they're upset about something at school, but they won't tell me?.....how? how am i supposed to know what to do?" you're crying again, voice shaking as you raise your volume for him to understand, "how, hamzah?"

he stands silently, pulling you with up with him, enveloping your body in a hug as he rubs your back. you're hesitant to give in, but his skin on yours provides a comfort you can only get from him. you nestle into his broad chest, allowing yourself a moment's peace. you can hear his heart beating, the thrum elated and swift.

he speaks into your hair, "look, i know you're scared―i'm scared too, believe me. i don't want you to think i don't understand the weight of this because i do." taking your face into his palms, "and you're right, we're not gonna have all the answers all the time.....but, i know you....and i know us....if anyone can do this, it's us."

you tear up again, but this time it's not out of fear or hostility. he's right. the love you have for each other is there. he has faith in you and you never doubt his devotion. it's all there. as scary as it is, you're not alone. how could you ever think that you were? he's always been there. on your great days and your shittiest. through whatever life brings, he's there and will continue to be there. only now, he's there for you and the life you bring into this world. he says he knows you, but you know him too. and you know he means every word.

"okay....okay, let's do this, let's figure it out." you say readily, muffled against his sweatshirt.

he pulls back from the hug, gauging your expression to make sure you're 100% certain. you smile, nodding reassuringly. his face lights up, pulling you into the hug once more and whispering to himself against your head in disbelief, "our own little family."

໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა taglist ; @nativegirltapes @etherealval @thatmartinkitten + lmk if u wanna be added !!!!

[lovettery]

Haikyuu x F!Reader Headcannons ! ♡

Includes : Tobio Kageyama , Kei Tsukishima & Tadashi Yamaguchi

Tobio Kageyama

I headcannon that before you he's like barely ever even looked at a girl nevermind dated one so he's very inexperienced with everything !

He would be super shy to kiss or anything so everytime you would try and kiss him he'd swerve away and just stare into the distance in shame of himself.

Soon he got the hang of it and now you can't get him to stop kissing you. Before practice? He needs a kiss to prepare. After practice? Needs a kiss to unwind. Lunch? How is he supposed to focus without a kiss? He just doesn't stop!! (but it's okay because he's cute ♡)

When you guys have been together for a while he loves to just lay down in bed with you all snuggled up and whine about his day whether it's him whining about Hinata's shitty receives or how much he missed you whilst you stroke his hair and rub your hand soothingly across his back.

He always tries getting you involved in volleyball so he'll randomly just come up to you with a ball in hand ready to practice with you despite your constant reminders that you barely know the basics nevermind his level of playing. (He doesn't go easy on you though and will tell you if you were shit. But will come back to practice with you again either way ♡)

I imagine he doesn't tend to use a lot of petnames mainly because he's worried he'll call you it infront of his teammates and they'll never let it go but when you're alone together he'll slip out a "baby" and "angel" here and there and it never fails to leave butterflies in your stomach.

Kei Tsukishima

Same as Kageyama I don't think he's very experienced with relationships but he's read a few romance books here and there and has some natural charm that helps him get by.

He's not a fan of PDA at all and thinks it's just embarassing but sometimes he'll connect your hands together and place them in his coat pocket or he'll connect your pinkies together when walking home. And the only kisses you'll get out in public is a quick peck to the forehead if he's scoped out the area to be sure no one he knows is there.

He LOVES to rest his head against you whether it's your back, chest or neck he really doesn't care he'll just plonk his head down and snuggle into you. He loves the feeling of having you against him like that, it calms him down.

Whenever you're gonna meet up to hang out, sleepover or just school he'll bring your favourite drink or snack and just shove it at you and not say a word (you know better than to say anything either ♡)

He really cherishes the moments where you two just lay down in his bed all cuddled up, you resting against his chest and his hand in your hair just enjoying the feeling of eachother and the comfortable silence you can only get when together.

Whenever you steal his glasses and put them on yourself he may act annoyed but deep down he loves it so much (And in those moments he really curses his bad vision because he literally cannot see you but can sense that you look adorable)

I don't see him as the type of guy who's big on petnames. If anything, he thinks they're stupid. Butttt, If you're shorter than him he'll call you petnames like "Shorty" and "Pipsqueak" and if you're a big fan of petnames he'll let a few "love" and "darling" slip by just for you ♡

Tadashi Yamaguchi

My passenger princess oh how much I love him

I imagine he's a very big fan of Romantic movies so he knows how to flirt a little but he doesn't actually have any experience with dating, maybe he had a wedding on his schools playground when he was like 6 if that counts!

He obviously overthinks here and there so whenever he needs to ground himself you'll just feel his hand on your lower back, pinching the tip of your sleeve or in your hair.

He's not against PDA but he's also not for it. Like he's not afraid of a few pecks here and there and a hand around your waist but he won't be the type of guy to wear a shirt with your face on it, that's far too embarassing for him.

He hates it when people underestimate him for things which makes him work himself harder to prove his worth. This causes him to burn himself out quickly but no matter how much you yell at him he won't change cause at the end of the day you always hold him and rub circles into his back whilst playing his favourite show.

He loves to call you petnames, but only in private. He loves to call you his "angel" and "honey" mostly but calls you "baby" from time to time. If you two are joking around he'll say really stupid names like "my boo boo bear" or "my pookie schnookie" with a stupid dopey grin on his face ♡

He's happy to play whatever you want whenever. Especially roblox! He loves to play 2 player tycoons and 2 player obbies with you the most but also plays Dress to Impress and Flicker with you.

Your first kiss together was embarassing to say the least. When kissing he accidently bumped your head really hard with his own, leaving a bump. He would not stop apologising for the next week until the bump on your head finally went down. (To this day he cringes when thinking about it but can't help but smile)

Thank you so so much for reading and I hope you liked them. I still have like a million other headcannons for these boys but I can't fit them all here ♡ This was my first time properly posting so I hope it looks okay !! This was super fun so I'll definitely be posting more characters soon. If you have any requests please let me know and I'll do them. Thank you!

[wilcze-kudly]

Using the Avatar state scenes as an example and saying this is katara relationship with aang is so vile 🤦‍♂️

https://www.tumblr.com/sunandmoongobrrr/662596151677190144?source=share

Ugh this take again. It honestly always exhausts me to see this because the thing about Aang going into the Avatar state is that it is, at it's core, a defence mechanism. Aang goes into it in life threatening situations, or otherwise, incredibly distressing situations. I've even pointed out its similarities to panic attacks:

Katara is an incredibly empathetic person, and she is able to emphasise with Aang's pain. Because a) she's just that type of person and b) her and Aang share the trauma of genocide and loss.

Katara's interactions with Aang when he is in the Avatar's state aren't based around tempering his anger, but providing comfort and reassurance. It almost seems that Katara just reminding Aang that she is there and that she cares is usually enough to calm him which makes sense. Because, at the core of it, Aang's greatest pain, likely the root of most of his nrgative emotions is that he is the last airbender. His people are dead, have been dead for ages. He is alone, the last of his kind, and it destroys him.

Aang: [To the winged-lemur.] You, me and Appa; we're all that's left of this place. [Looks at the lemur.] We have to stick together.

Enter Katara, who reassures Aang that she is with him, that she cares, that she won't leave him. Because she sees that he is hurting. She hugs him as normal people hug their friend when they are upset, and later, when their relationship is more established, it's just enough for her to make eye contact with him and remind him that she's there.

Katara : Aang! I know you're upset and I know how hard it is to lose the people you love. I went through the same thing when I lost my mom. Monk Gyatso and the other airbenders may be gone, but you still have a family. Sokka and I! We're your family now!

And I truly don't think Katara does this out of a sense of obligation or fear. She does this because she sees her friend, and later, romantic partner, is hurting. And she knows that pain intimately. So she offers her comfort. Of her own free will, because she cares.

Katara : Do you remember when we were at the air temple and you found Monk Gyatso's skeleton? It must have been so horrible and traumatic for you. I saw you get so upset that you weren't even you anymore. I'm not saying the Avatar State doesn't have incredible and helpful power ... but you have to understand ... for the people who love you, watching you be in that much rage and pain is really scary.

I think the emphasis on "the people who love you" is important here. Katara isn't afraid of the Avatar state itself. She is saddened and scared for Aang, because she knows he is in pain. And he is someone she loves, be that platonically, or romantically.

Side note; I always found it so cool that when Aang went into the Avatar State in the Avatar State episode and wreaked havoc on general Fong's base, Katara, who was literally in the middle of it, remained completely unharmed.

See, the theme with Avatar is that holding onto anger and pain can be incredibly self destructive. We see this, of course, with Zuko, but also with Aang and Katara.

Of course, we're shown how one's anger affects others, but we also see how painful it can be on oneself. Which is a very poignant theme that isn't often explored.

This is what Aang was trying to communicate to Katara in The Southern Raiders. And this is what people like this, who commented under OP's post don't get.

Oh, something crazy? Like for example going against her entire morality and do something she might regret for the rest of her life? That type of crazy? Hell, look at how strongly "The Southern Raiders" ties back to "The Puppetmaster", an episode about a victimised Southern Waterbender driven to near madness by her grief pain, and rage.

Aang isn't stopping Katara from feeling anger, he's trying to make sure she doesn't do something that will weigh on her and compromise her morals and ideals, because he knows how important they are to her.

Aang: The monks used to say that revenge is like a two-headed rat viper. While you watch your enemy go down, you're being poisoned yourself.

Hell, he even supports and believes in her, letting her take Appa and believing she would make the choice right for her. Which she did, in the end.

Aang: I wasn't planning to. This is a journey you need to take. You need to face this man. But when you do, please don't choose revenge. Let your anger out, and then let it go. Forgive him.

And no, I don't think he was trying to save face, since he has never had a problem disagreeing with Katara before, for example in the Avatar State episode, where he followed his sense of duty as the Avatar, despite acknowledging and valuing her criticisms of the matter.

Aang and Katara's relationship is one of mutual support, particularly in helping alleviate each others pain, since they are both genocide survivours, both lost a parental figure to the fire nation, both value their cultures and desperately try to perserve them etc.

I think some excellent aymbolism of this can be in how Aang tries to help Katara with her dismay and discomfort around losing her mother's necklace, something she's expressed was very valuable to her due to her loss. First by making a symbollic replacement, and then risking himself by retrieving the necklace from Zuko.

I also genuinely enjoy that in both of these instances, Katara put the necklace on herself? Like it would be so easy to just make a cliche meaningful scene where Aang puts it on her and "proposes" but theres almost something more appealing to me of Katara taking the necklace from Aang and putting it on completely on her own.

Katara does not need Aang to calm her down when she's angry, because, with the exception of the Southern Raiders, her anger is usually benign squabbling which is completely normal 14 year old behaviour. Wheras for Aang, his anger usually rears its head on rare occasions when he's in deep distress.

But Aang is there to comfort Katara, to bolster her confidence, to support her, make sure she's having fun almost whenever she needs it.

These are just a few examples of Aang providing comfort to Katara.

These actions may not be as bombastic and awe worthy as Katara ripping Aang out of a state of deity like power, but they are nonetheless important to Katara and make a big difference.

Aang and Katara's live language with each other is providing comfort, in any way they can. Be it by alleviating anger and pain, making the other feel good about themself, or connecting over the horrific genocides that brutally deprived them of their loved ones. You know, just normal couple things 💗

And this is where I could slander Zutara, but I'll simply tactfully say that Zuko... prioritised things other than Katara's comfort and happiness.

Also, incredibly rich that one of OP's examples of Aang going into the Avatar state out of anger was in the comics. OP neglected, however, to include the scene leading up to this where Aang is extremely calm and nonconfrontational until Zuko grabs Katara and refuses to let go of her despite both Aang and Katara telling him he's hurting her and then attacking Aang after Aang knocks him away from Katara.

Like hun this is not a good look.

And another point I'd like to raise is this persob in the comments who apparently watched the show blindfolded.

why are we still here just to suffer etc etc. Like have you folks even watched the show why do you have beef with a twelve year old who commited the crime of loving a girl his age. If you're that fucking upset about it you can just not have him do that in your mind palace you don't have to pick violence.

Aang is a genuinely amazing character who deserves so much more than what his haters say. It's fine if he's not your fave character I just don't understand why people have to be dicks about it.

Genuinely the only good thing I get from examining this type of bullshit rethoric is that it lets me inspect Kataang more closely and find new things I genuinely love about it.

[edwardskhakipants]

I just cannot understand Charlie's vitriolic hatred of Edward.

The first thing he learns about this kid is that his daughter likes him too much. To the point that it scares her off and she runs away. Then, Edward proves he cares for her too by attempting to bring her home under parental supervision. Something Charlie should support and be grateful for? it's so strange to me that Charlie jumps to the conclusion "Bella wouldn't be there at all if not for Edward"

Then, he watches Edward be nothing but loving and doting to his daughter for the rest of spring and the entire summer.

Edward and Bella break up. The story is Carlisle got a new job. An eighteen-year-old boy has literally no control if their parent gets a new job and moves the family. Sure, he can get mad that Edward dumped her in a shitty way. In the book, Bella reassures him that she went into the woods herself. And there's no reason Charlie shouldn't believe that because he must have seen Edward be so careful and caring and cautious around Bella that entire summer.

ALSO as a grown-ass man, he should be like "Edward is this orphan kid who's probably got a lot of issues and doesn't know how to properly handle closure". He can be upset and confused. SURE. But he should be far more concerned with Bella's reaction to Edward than Edward himself.

Then, he should be mad at Alice and Bella for running away. Because as far as he knows, once again, Edward brought Bella back home under parental supervision. Then, once the Cullen family learned the distress Bella was in when Edward left, they moved back. Again, something Charlie should be grateful for? They cared enough about her to move back? A grown adult watches Edward dote upon and love his daughter for another spring all the way through summer and despises him the entire time.

Charlie can feel irritated that Bella chose Edward over his friend's son.

Charlie can feel confused over the depth of their teenage relationship.

Charlie can feel contempt for the relationship in general because it isn't what he would want for Bella.

But hatred? To the point where he is openly aggressive toward an orphaned teen? A kid who very clearly loves his daughter? I just don't get it?

[fandomxo00]

King Of My Heart - Part 1 - The Wedding - Hugh Jackman fanfiction

You finally get marry the love of your life, Hugh

characters: hugh jackman x plus size!oc!Ainsley

word count: 12.8k

warnings: hugh's kids are in this, using different names tho, pregnant reader, eventually smut, daddy!dom kink, degradation, rough foreplay sex, teasing, oral!F+M, cockwarming ,lots of teasing and foreplay, really leant into this lmao

You didn't think that you were ever going to find love, when you turned 19 you came to that conclusion later on. But then you remained basically single for the next ten years. Focusing on your mental health and career. You knew that you wanted to start a family soon so you maybe have to dive back into the dating pool. You weren't completely single the last ten years, off and on surface-level relationships, then you had friends with benefits. Off and on, Miles truly was just one of your best friends, the two of you stopped having sex after he met his now fiancé, Leilani. It was just a simple conversation that the sex was over, but Miles also taught you about how a woman should be treated, in bed and out of it. 

You grew up reading fanfiction and as you've progressed your writing career, you wrote a lot about sex for a girl that hasn't had a lot of it. You'd let men treat you like shit, and because you wouldn't go in with real expectations of a real-life interaction, you just naively went along. It didn't help that a lot of the men you have slept with have been poor in bed and didn't even care to make you orgasm. With Miles, it was like seeing how many times and the dirtiest way to make each other come. 

Miles was a good man, but you were happy that nothing came of that relationship. Though he did offer to be your sperm donor before he meant Leilani. You just didn't think that would work out now. Little did you know it was all falling into place, when you published your first book. The last thing you expected was for it to get picked up as a movie. You had wormed your way into the production to make sure they didn't mess up the plot or characters. Little did you know you would see Hugh Jackman at the audition. The two main characters weren't any older than you, Erik and Matilda. But you still didn't expect such a well-known actor to show up at the casting of your movie. 

You felt an instant attraction because he was Hugh fucking Jackman coming in to play a man that you wrote as literally the perfect dad and just guy. His character is a big part of the story, as he was a single father but he'd done a lot to try and be closer to Erik. You described the character as attractive in your book, Matilda even thinking he was handsome. Though she chose the younger man to pursue, you don't think you would've. 

Most of the men your age were nothing like precious fictional Erik, and real men like him were few and far between. So, you found yourself wanting an older man all the way back in your early twenties. 

It didn't help that you thought Hugh was gorgeous. The two of you had clicked right away, that beaming smile on his face getting to your heart. When you went home and called Miles you talked about how they were turning your book into an indie film and for some reason, Hugh Jackman wanted a role. He told you that he was now divorced and that you should go for it. You rolled your eyes and scoffed. "Are you nuts?" 

You were also lucky to know that the director was a huge fan of your book, so she wanted to hear all of your ideas, preferences, and directions. You even confessed you wanted to be a director, you just didn't have any experience, "You don't get any experience until someone gives you a chance." That meant you got pretty close with the four main characters, including Erik's brother. Erik's dad was kinda based on your dad, though verily different. The way Hugh embodied the character made you actively blush. At first, you started avoiding him, not excessively but enough that he confronted you. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No! Of course not." You flushed, looking away from him. "I mean I bet you hear this all the time but I kinda have a crush on you." You blurted, letting out a very barely there squeak of humiliation. Avoiding his eyes, you looked around, but Hugh stepped forward, his hand coming to your shoulder. The feeling of his large palm encompassing your skin as his other hand came to your chin. Lifting your eyes to his light hazel ones, the sunlight beaming on him. The faint highlights of his hair, he was growing out his beard and there were gray splotches along his jaw. You never really liked when men had beards but then you met Hugh Jackman. You wanted to feel it everywhere, you flushed at the dirty thoughts that only his touch caused.

"I'd admit I have a bit of a crush even at my age." Hugh grinned over at you, as you couldn't control the giggle that erupted from your mouth, your hand coming up to your mouth as the sides of your eyes crinkled. 

This was just the beginning of your relationship, getting closer together and helping him learn his character. Eventually, towards the end of filming, you finally had sex in his trailer. The two of you had been handsy all day, with hidden touches, secret kisses behind curtains or sets, trying not to get caught. Slowly falling in love with each other, going on press afterward with full tension and fans trying to ship the two of you. At a premiere, Hugh had been seen pretty close to you, his hand going to your back. There were pictures of the two of you looking at each other when the other was looking away. 

You did just a bit of press for the movie, then rolled into the press he had to do for Deadpool and Wolverine, and you went out with him. Ryan was thankful you had gotten Hugh out of the house; he'd been sleeping on his couch for a couple of weeks. He'd been coming to your apartment most nights, the two of us not spending much time apart. Then you went to the Chiefs game with Hugh, Ryan, Blake, and Taylor. The five of you going out after, getting to know celebrities you never thought you'd even talk to. When the reality finally set in for him, you really allowed yourself to trust his people. 

Eventually, the two of you bought a house in upstate New York, and the night you moved in he proposed to you in front of the fireplace sitting in his arms as you sat on the ground with a blanket underneath you. He slipped the ring on your finger before making love to you right there. 

You didn't want a huge wedding, but you did want it to be special. Both you and Hugh came up with a list of people who you wanted to invite, and you'd ask his daughter to be one of your maid of honor and he'd ask his son to be one of his groomsmen. Because you've gotten somewhat close with both of them, they like to come stay at your house in Skaneateles. 

You and Liz, his daughter, had bonded over crafts actually, the two of you didn't have to talk to have a good time together. When Hugh was away for different things, she would turn up to the house. You'd take her out shopping, or making food together. Then she spoke to her dad about wanting to stay at the house more often. So you helped her decorate her room and when you asked her to be your bridesmaid, you couldn't help but cry. You had a very deep connection with your cousin, she always called you her, 'Little', she'd carry you around on her hip in high school and some people thought you were hers. You don't know what your life would be without her. And you saw that in Liz, the two of you having an instant trust with each other. You knew that you were never going to be her mom, but you didn't want to be either.  

Carmen, his son, was a little harder to bond with because he was in his early twenties and his independence was very important to him. In a way that Liz hadn't quite grown into yet. He also didn't want you to replace his mom, which you understood. You had a stepdad that you hated and wished every day that your mom hadn't married him. But you knew that you would pressure it, that you needed to lean off giving any unsolicited advice. You also spoke to Hugh about it, you were trying to not overthink it, and he told you to just be patient. 

Then for Liz's 20th birthday, Hugh took her, Carmen, and you to Disneyland. For the most part, you were able to stay out of the public eye but there were fans, most of them didn't come up to Hugh, he wore a hat and sunglasses, which helped sometimes. He then posted for her birthday with pictures all of you had taken. You'd finally been able to kind of bond with Carmen while standing in line and you let them play heads up with your phone. 

Liz and your older cousin, Cassidy had gone out dress shopping with you, it had taken a while to find the one but when you did, you started crying. She had come over and hugged you, as you wiped the tears away while you looked in the mirror. You never thought this was going to happen to you. You had even mourned the idea of ever getting married, but here you were. A gorgeous meaningful ring that Hugh had chosen perfectly. It was a small oval diamond, a few smaller ones on either side on a golden band. 'Sunshine', the nickname he always called you, was scribed on the inside of the ring. Little did you know the band had 'Jackman' scribed on the inside. You had even picked out his ring, bringing your father's ring to try and find one similar to it but not exact. When you found the right one you just knew. 

The two of you needed to take time out to get a marriage license, you planned on going to the local town clerk, however, you needed a witness. Luckily, Liz was over that week, and she went out with you two to get it. Before going out to eat to celebrate, unfortunately, the paps found you, but Hugh held your leg, trying to calm your anxiety as he rubbed his thumb against your thigh. You struggled to eat when they were around, your anxiety getting the best of you. 

Hugh had been taking time off with the wedding rolling in, the two of you having a lot of sex. The anticipation for the wedding drove the two of you crazy, and you just loved him like crazy. With all the sex you were having you forgot to wrap it up, but you didn't really mind. 

You've talked to him about wanting children of your own because Liz won't need your and Hugh's support forever. Liz had brought her boyfriend over frequently; Hugh couldn't do much because she was an adult. You also told him she needed privacy, having a conversation with her the night before. Hugh loved you on a different level, especially with the way you were his children. You were incredibly patient and the idea of you giving you babies? He already wanted to give you the world, something you wouldn't easily accept. Being very hesitant with money, you just took from everyone and everything, never taking responsibility for your impulsive spending. But one day you cut down, rarely letting anyone loan you money or spend money on you. Except for rare occasions for holidays or birthdays, you didn't ask for much, usually essentials. 

When you met Hugh he let you indulge in spending, giving you a limit on a card for emergencies, that it'll always be loaded with money. You had his and his' assistants' number if you ever needed it. When you brought up your anxiety around money, he'd look into your eyes, his hand coming up to brush your hair away from your face as his shoulder bumped into yours. "Baby, what's mine is yours and what's your-."

"Is mine." You sighed, looking up into his eyes, your knees to your chest as another arm wrapped around you to pull you closer. "I-I just don't want to spend too much and make you feel like I'm using you-sometimes I'm really impulsive so-."

"Baby-." Hugh hushed, his other hand coming up to your jaw as he gazed into your eyes with a dreamy, sweet look in the shades of hazel green eyes. "If we have an issue, we'll talk about it, yeah?"

"God, you know you're a dream boat?" You murmured, as your hand came up to comb through his hair. 

You wound up having a doctor's appointment about a month out from your wedding. What you thought was a simple check-up, which it seemed like the whole time. But then you got a call a couple of hours later because your blood had come back and you were pregnant.

So with only a few weeks to spare, Hugh went Ob-gyn with you. You got to the building, had to pee in a cup to confirm your pregnancy before getting set up in a room, and they went over your medical history. They were able to do an abdominal ultrasound, so you lifted your shirt as the tech put gel on your stomach. You wince slightly as you smile over at Hugh, you are thankful for the blanket you had over half of you, plus the warmth of Hugh's hand on your shoulder. You were in the second month of your pregnancy, or 9 weeks along, so you didn't see much. But a bright smile came over the technician's face as she moved the TV towards you, pointing at the little circle on the screen. The sound of a fast heartbeat started sounding through the room. A very full feeling came over your heart, as you started crying. Hugh moved down to kiss your forehead, a tear of his own, dropping from his eyes. 

You were very focused on the pregnancy the next couple of days before your cousin reminded you about your honeymoon planning. You were going to plan your trip to Colorado, the plan was to be high and hang out in the city but now you agreed to go stay up in the mountains. All you wanted was a comfy place with a good view, and Hugh had found the perfect spot. Being so invested in the pregnancy the wedding was growing closer and closer. Your cousin had stepped in to be your wedding planner, she had done this a few times before. Though she hasn't done it in years, not even wanting to do anything for her own wedding. But she joked that she'd come out of her retirement for her 'toots'. 

When you turned 18, she was your safe place, you grew up in a pretty chaotic environment with an undiagnosed narcissistic mother and a father with undiagnosed autism. Which resulted in your mother cheating and your father getting angry, both of them numbing the pain with alcohol. Something that you decided to stay far away from when you were an adult. Drinking on special occasions and usually never enough to make you drunk. You'd rather be blazed as fuck than drunk. But your cousin also gave you structure, something you crave, helping you in every way she can, even to the point where she pushed herself too hard. The two of you coming together to set boundaries and grow closer. 

Before you knew it your wedding was here, the day before the wedding was the rehearsal day. Your house was filled with guests, your bridal party, and some friends. Your best friend came up to hang out with you in the morning, and Liz and your cousin went for coffee. You got ready for rehearsal dinner; you didn't really have to do much more until 3 when people started arriving. You were going to chill, take your time, and just spend time with the ones you love. You were so happy to see your dad and his wife arrive. You were 19 when you cut your mom off and never came to a point where you wanted her around. But you still sent her an invite, knowing that even though you weren't on good terms, you wanted your mom here. She would never be a part of your life in the way you wanted because of her toxic behavior, but she still meant the world to you. You wanted to hug her and see her, it'd been over ten years. So when your mom walked through the doors, tears came to your eyes. A bright smile covered her face, her brown eyes always reminded you of your own. You'd always thought you looked so much like your mom. 

All of your siblings had arrived, they had also met Hugh two Christmass' ago. Hugh paid for your family to come, it wasn't what you expected, that was the moment you knew you were going to marry him, even that early in the relationship. You always wanted to host and also wanted to bring your half-oldest brother, his wife, your sister, Hailey, and her husband. 

You were so happy to see everyone, greeting Hugh's close family members you met over the holidays. You were not the social type so not having to be constantly greeting everyone was a lot, eventually, Hugh took over as you retreated to go take a breather. "God, I need a hydroxyzine."

"Got one for ya." Your cousin said, handing you one as you grabbed your water and drank. You breathed out as you sat down in your rehearsal dress as Hugh came in shortly after to check on you. Coming to sit next to you on the couch, his hands coming to yours as he looked down into your eyes.

"We got this, yeah?" He murmured, you smiled over at him, all of the anxiety meant nothing while you were looking into his eyes. Your hand came up to move in close and kiss him. 

"I love you."

"Love you sunshine, so much." Hugh breathed as he kissed your cheek. 

You were trying not to cry as you watched your cousin set everything up, directing everyone to their places. Coming down by the lake to the setup of the arch, you were facing the trees but if you turned your head to the left, you'd see the shiny blue water. Hugh's hand rested on your back as you looked at the view that you'd hopefully look at the rest of your life with this man. You felt tears come to your eyes at the happiness you felt, your hand reaching up for Hugh's face, he had a twinkle in his eyes, his face stuck in a small grin as you gazed down at you. 

The two of you worked with your cousin to place everyone, later in the day, Hugh's best friends showed up. The two of you practiced walking down the aisle and then Ryan and Liz, your other best friend and Miles, your cousin and one of Hugh's brothers, his other brother, Ian paired with your sister-in-law, and Carmen with your sister. You pretended to do your vows, and he scooped you up in his arms, kissing you, as you giggled against his mouth. Your cheeks warming, it was hard to be in front of so many people. But you loved them all and felt relief in that as you put your arms around his shoulders, he gazed down at you with those glowing eyes that made butterflies flutter in your stomach. 

After the rehearsal, the two of you snuck off while everyone got food from inside. Hugh's lips were on yours so fast when you got behind the door of your room. His hands skimming down your waist, feeling your curves underneath his fingers made him growl. He pulled you tightly to him as his hands skimmed under your dress and felt your panties underneath. You moaned into his mouth, wanting him so bad, he ground himself against you. His tongue was hot in your mouth as it fought for dominance. You melted in your fiance's arm, as he pulled away from your breathless, his hands sliding back up to your waist. You giggled as you looked up at your smeared lipstick on his mouth, your finger coming up to wipe at the red. Hugh's lips puckered to kiss the tips of his fingers as his eyes, now a shade of almost mossy green, the light brown still shining in his eyes. 

"Are you doing alright?" Hugh pressed, leaning into your neck and kissing above your pulse point. Your hands going to his back to feel his muscles as you smiled up at him. 

"Overwhelmed, but a good overwhelmed." You admitted as he grinned down at you, his hand coming to move your dark hair away from your face. "How are you doing lovebug." You breathed, his fond smile still on his face. 

"Just worried about you." He hummed, pulling you back into him as you wrapped your arms around his neck. Hugh's familiar orangey and woodsy scent that always reminded you of him. He even kept a bottle of his cologne at home for when he was away traveling so you could spray it on his shirts or sweatshirts. "Also want you so much." Hugh gruffed, leaning down to put his lips on yours. You grinned up at him as you brought your hand down to his pants, his bulge beginning to harden.  You were as hungry for him as he was for you, haven't felt his naked body in yours in a month. Just the feeling of his cock underneath your hand made you wet. 

Hugh groaned lightly as his head came to your neck, his hips leaned into your hand as his hand came down to cup your core through your panties. The intrusion was unexpected but he felt how hot you were against his hand. "Fuck me." Hugh breathed as you licked your lips coming to kiss his lips.

"Gotta wait baby." You teased, against his lips as you felt his cock harden completely under your touch. "W-want your cock so bad." You stuttered over your words, as he applied pressure to your clit, massaging your pussy. 

"Shut up," Hugh grunted, playfulness in his tone, as his lips met yours in a bruising kiss. You knew your words were getting to him, as you moaned into his lips and bucked into his hand. The two of you pulled away from each other, the last of your restraint coming out as you giggled up at him. A toothy, dopey smile that he sent your way, which made you melt as you leant in to hug him again. Whispering how much you meant to each other, making sure you both looked presentable before going back to join everyone for dinner. 

Everyone slowly started leaving throughout the night before just the bridal party was left. Your brother included as he was going to be officiating the wedding and other people's partners. Taylor and Travis taking the kids for the night. You'd been really close with him growing up, the two of you were kind of close in age but he always made sure to hang out with you. All of you came together to play some board games, the mixture of people made for a hilarious heartwarming night with all of the people who meant so much to you. Hugh stood up at the end of the night, his hand coming to his stomach as he put a hand behind your chair. 

"I want to thank all of you for being a part of this day for us. I know how much this means to Ainsley, to have all of her people together and have a good time. This woman deserves the world." His eyes meet yours, as you wrinkle your nose in an attempt to stop crying, "Ainsley, you are a brilliant creative woman who stole my heart from the moment I met you."

You felt tears in your eyes as your hand came to the hand on the back of the chair, grasping his fingers and palm as he sat back down. Hugh leant in to lightly kiss your lips as you grinned over at him. The two of you had to separate, the guys leaving for the night as the girls stayed at the house. Hugh left giving you a kiss, his hand lingering on yours pulling your hand with his as he walked backward and mouthing that he loved you. 

The night was filled with rom-coms, fun bridal games, and a lot of everyone drinking. Liz wanted to drink a little, but she mostly stayed sober with you. Though for your anxiety you put some CBD drops under your tongue, or you would absolutely not sleep tonight. One you were pregnant it was already hard to be comfortable and two you didn't have Hugh. You used to have sleeping meds, but you didn't want to take too many medications because of the baby. So you cut down on a lot of them but also stepped away from the stress of your job for now. Right now, you wanted to focus on your family, you would take time for yourself when needed, and would always take time to write for your next book, but it was a choice to focus here on home. So, there was no real deadline or much to do. 

The next morning, your cousin had gone out with Liz and gotten breakfast and coffee, similar to the morning before. You were anxious to see Hugh, and received a text from him, like he knew you needed to hear from him. 'Good morning, my love, I don't know what made you wait for a guy like me, but I'm grateful that no one stole your heart before I could. I can't wait to marry you today, this is just the beginning baby.' You grinned down at his words, trying not to cry already, before deciding to tease your future husband. 

You sent a picture of your wedding lingerie, posing in the mirror so the curve of your ass was in the picture with the sides of the panties lifting over your hips and love handles. The bra was supposed to lift up your breasts, it also helped that you had larger breasts that looked like they were going to almost pop out with how tight you had the back clipped. You sent the picture with a little red heart and 'I love you'. You didn't let him see your face in the picture and you knew that always irked him in nudes. He wanted to see your face in pictures or just didn't do it for him completely. You laugh down at your phone as he sends an 'Oh my god, on my knees for ya baby.' 

Then you loosened the bra before putting on your clothes for the morning, a cute little satin two-piece with 'bride' on the side. The morning was verily relaxing, there wasn't much to do before everyone got there, a lot of work was done. The rest of it got done by your cousin's friends, and you went out to see them. Looking around your backyard that was completely done. You'd grown up with your cousin's college friends, you remember them at your cousin's wedding. You felt so grateful that they came all this way to help you out, though you helped finance it with your own money. You didn't mind, you didn't have to finance a lot for this wedding, Hugh covered most of the guests, but the college friends were something you wanted for yourself. Seeing them on this day was special to you, but also tried to pay for your families as well. Trying as much to pay for things where you could, you didn't have the amount of money Hugh had, but you were comfortable and willing. He'd wound up paying for a lot of the wedding and it was hard for you to not feel guilty. But he also let you know it wasn't a lot of money, affirming that it was a small wedding. 

Yesterday, the only people who were here were parents, close extended family, or a part of the bridal party. But the rest of your families and friends came, though you kept the guest list under 70 people. 

You sat outside at the back of the house, as you were talking to them. You've changed so much since the last time you really saw all of them together. You were a complete nervous wreck most of the time, even medicated. But now you were a strong, free woman who openly expressed how she felt. Something you don't think you could've done without your cousin. "Ainsley go downstairs!"

"Why?" You laughed, turning towards Liz, who had been with her father this morning. "Oh, are they here?"

"Yes!!" Ryan greeted, walking through the house and walking over to you. Your cousin's friends knew about your more high-profile life but being confronted with Ryan Reynolds was still a lot. The fact that you were marrying Hugh Jackman had to be a weird thing to come to terms with. Very unexpected especially since you were twenty years younger than him. "How's everyone doing?" He asked, slinging an arm around you. 

"Good!" You chirped as he started dragging you away. 

"Got to hide the treasure before he finds it! It's not time!" Ryan joked as you rolled your eyes at your obnoxious friend before sneaking in, as Ryan went inside. You looked over the corner of the wall, to see your handsome fiancé standing tall at the kitchen island. A toothy smile covered his face as he spoke to your dad. You giggled as you moved back before scurrying down the hall and going upstairs to get ready. You were trying to look for your cousin to no avail, she was supposed to do your hair. 

But you made your way to the bathroom to see that your best friend and Hailey had transformed your bathroom. It had big lights by the mirrors decorated in pink and white with makeup and hair supplies on the counter. Your wedding dress hung up in the corner. Liz was still with her dad from what you knew, she didn't need to get her makeup done yet; you were planning on helping her with it though. Eventually, your cousin found you, a mischievous smile on her face but tears glistening in her eyes as she came over to hug you. "What's going on?" You laughed, as she handed you the phone.

"Just so happy for you, toots." She grinned. That's when she showed you the video that Hugh and your cousin had made you. It seemed to only be the two of them, that's where she was? But before you could think too hard, you saw your handsome future husband in his black and white suit, his head tilted to the side as he smiled at the screen. "Okay, Hugh, I'm going to ask you some questions, are you ready?" Her voice was off-screen. 

"Okay, yes go for it." He clapped his hands together. 

"What are your thoughts? How are you feeling?" Your cousin asked as Hugh shrugged with a dimpled smile on his face as his hand came to his heart.

"I'm just extremely happy, slightly nervous that I'll mess this day up for Ainzy." He smiled at the childhood nickname that he pulled out, "I just hope this day is everything to her, and she chose me to marry me? It means the world to me."

"Good answer." She laughed, "What's the thing you love the most about Ainsley?"

"God,-." He huffed out a laugh, his hand came up to his mouth, and went into deep thought. "First thing that comes to mind is her humor, she's so funny and just beautiful. Also love to see her creative mind, working with that woman was an honor. It's the reason why I fell in love with her, she's been a strong presence since the moment I met her-." He rambled, as his cheeks lightly flushed, a soft chuckle falling from his mouth. You heard a sniffle on the other side of the screen as tears rose to your eyes. "She's always thinking about ways to better herself and the others around her, she just cares so much. Never met a woman like her before."

"God, stop, you're gonna make me cry." Your cousin's voice cracked, as you reached for her hand, your bottom lip coming into your mouth as you saw the bright smile come over Hugh's face. 

"What are you most excited for in this marriage?"

"Our love." Hugh started, smiling over at her, "She just has so much love in her, I can't wait to be with her for the rest of my life and see her with our child."

"Your child?" She choked.

"Yeah, she's pregnant." Hugh grinned over at her, and you heard an 'oh', before the phone the camera was moved around as she went in to hug him, before moving back, her voice scratchy. 

"Any last words?"

"I just love you so much sunshine, whatta think Y/C/N?"

You were happy that they hadn't really started on your makeup yet, as tears streamed down your face. 

"I don't think I've ever seen her happier, Hugh." She replied before the video shut off. 

"Oh my god!" Your best friend squealed, as she hugged you. You looked over at your cousin with a fond smile as your sister came in to congratulate you. 

"Supposed to not make me cry." You breathed out shakily, as your cousin brought a tissue up to her eyes to stop the makeup from running. As you are getting your makeup and hair done you blast Mamma Mia soundtrack music while everyone else gets ready in the large upstairs bathroom and your bedroom connected. 

Liz came to join you after your hair and makeup was done, so you let her sit in your chair, and you did her makeup while talking to her. "Dad told me about the baby." She grinned up at you as you smiled, nerves flashing in your eyes.

"You're okay with that?"

"You two really deserve it, Ainsley." Liz smiled over at you, as she tried not to cry, as you tilted your head at the girl. 

"You remind me so much of me at your age." You breathed; you couldn't stop smiling at the young girl who was about to be your stepdaughter. "Ya know, I couldn't be more honored to be your stepmom. I don't ever want to replace your mom, but I want you to know you can come to me if you need anything. You or your brother, I love you both so much." 

"We love you too, Ains." Liz assured as she leaned in to hug you, you gave her a soft squeeze before finishing up her makeup before curling her hair. 

The morning was going incredibly fast, like it was flying by, you were a bucket of hormonal emotions. You mind kept going to Hugh, you wondered how is morning was, if he was missing you the way you were missing him. 

When you saw your dad, you felt your lip wobble as you saw tears come to his eyes. "My little girl." He breathed, coming forward to hug you. 

"Thank you." You sighed.

"For what?" He chuckled.

"For always showing me what a good man looks like, even when you struggled. You were always such a good man and a good father." You said as you looked over at him. 

"You've grown up so much, I'm so proud of you sweetheart."

"Thank you dad." You sniffled. 

The two of you spoke for a couple more minutes before it was time to have the first look with Hugh. It had meant so much to you, when he stood down the hallway. You watched as his eyebrows furrowed, his jaw clenching as he swallowed back tears. You couldn't help the smile on your face as he moved over to you in quick strides. 

His hands came to your jaw, cupping your cheeks as he lightly pressed his lips to yours. "You are so beautiful." He choked, smiling down at you, his eyes running all over your dress, to your chest that your grandma's pearl necklace and your "H" initial necklace. Your hand came up to his face as you gazed up at him. 

"I'm marrying you." You laughed.

"Yeah, you are." Hugh smiled, his green eyes sparkling, as your heart pumped hard against your chest. His hand came to your stomach, as he lightly kissed your lips again. You felt tears rise up in your eyes, as his hand came to your cheek, his pointer finger lightly brushing against your cheekbone. Some of your highlighter coming off on his finger, just the tiniest bit. "Ainsley, you are the most gorgeous woman I have ever laid my eyes upon. I love you more than words can describe. Hopefully, I can show you that for the rest of our lives." 

"Suppose to save your vows." You pouted as you tilted your head back to keep in the tears, Hugh just chuckled. You looked over to see Liz taking pictures of the two of you. His hand comes up to the your 'H' necklace, putting it between his two fingers as he gazed down at you. "You are the perfect model, aren't you?" That caused a smile to break out over Hugh's face, his crow feet wrinkling at the sides of his eyes. You can't help but move your hand up to his face. He leaned into your hand as you gazed into his eyes. "Now you gotta get shirtless." You whispered, leaning into his ear, as he laughed. Hugh's strong arms wrapped around you easily, as he tugged you into him as he gave you that adorable tight lip smile, your fingers moving over his smile lines. 

"We're gonna have to get real pictures soon." Hugh sighed, leaning in to kiss the side of your face. He's watched you put on makeup several times to know that you didn't put foundation on, so he knew where to kiss. You giggled as your hand ran through his hair as a wobbly smile came on your face.

"Messin' up your hair." You squeaked. 

"You know I don't mind."

"Now even for a photoshoot?" You teased.

"It's our wedding, Ainsley." Hugh huffed out laughter, as he moved in to softly kiss your lips before letting you go. You know that he didn't want to, but you never pulled away first so eventually he had to. 

You grabbed Hugh's hand as you went out of the house to see your cousin, your brother's family hanging around the front. You went out to see your cousin who had been busy with final touches, telling her that you were ready for pictures. You were going to do the pre-ceremony pictures with her but after the ceremony, Hugh had hired an expensive photographer of his choice. Then you walked over to him to make sure everything was going well on your brother's front. "Thank you for doing this." You smiled over at your brother, as you hugged him. Hugh went in for a friendly handshake, as your brother nodded to him. Your eyes landed on your blue-eyed niece with a soft grin. Last night, they had gotten a babysitter for their baby, but you were so happy to see her here. 

She was in the same dress that your cousin used for her niece at her wedding. It was made up of your grandma's wedding dress, and she had lent it to Hailey for her wedding, and now yours. You put your niece to your hip as you grinned down at her. Your cousin moved over to take pictures, as Hugh's hand came to your back as he leaned in to say 'Hi' to her. Eventually, you had to hand her back, she was your flower girl so you would see her soon. But your cousin whisked the two of you off to do some pictures by the water. 

You always enjoyed taking pictures with your cousin, she did your senior photos and has been taking pictures professionally since high school. Hugh was as charming as ever and your cousin had complimented how photogenic Hugh was. He goes to dip you, your arms wrapping around his shoulders as you grin up at him. He leans down to kiss your lips before pulling you back up, keeping his arms around you. "I love you." Hugh leaned into your ear and whispered, as you grinned before bringing your hand up to his cheek as you kissed his lips. 

"Gonna have to reapply my lipstick."

"Oh well." Hugh breathed, smiling against your lips as your chest shook with laughter. Before his head moved to tuck into your neck he pulled you closer. Your hands went to the back of his head feeling the hair as he held you. He was really big on physical contact, something you had to get used to. But one day he just became your most trusted person, your favorite person, his touch was always soothing. 

"My lovebug." You giggled into his ear, Hugh felt his chest warm at the sound of your giggling, it went straight to his heart. Breathing in his favorite perfume that you wore, as his hands splayed on your back. He loved the material of this dress, and he so badly wanted to take it off of you. 

You finished the pictures before going back into the house as the guests arrived and went right to the backyard through the side of the house. Your bridal party was with you inside of the house but everyone else had been seated. You started feeling slightly dizzy, and your heart began to race, this was the most important day of your life, and you were allowed to have some nerves. You sat down and drank some water before reapplying and retouching your makeup. Hugh sat next to you rubbing your back, as your hand came to his, slotting your fingers together. "Just a lot of people." 

"I know, baby," Hugh murmured, kissing your hair as he rubbed at your back. Your cousin came to put your veil into your hair, as she grabbed a curl and tightened it around her finger. You grinned over at you before getting up, Hugh squeezing your hand before going out to the back doors. You started getting ready to walk down the aisle, listening to 'Kacey Musgraves Love Is A Wild Thing, as you focused on your breathing trying not to overthink. Your dad came in, as you two started chatting back and forth until it got to the bridge, the two of you walking out with your arm looped through his.

You felt a lump form in your throat as your eyes met Hugh, the reality that you were marrying this man, the love of your life, right now. You really couldn't feel any happier than in this man’s periphery. He had the softest look on his face, before his nose flared as he tilted his head, a wobbly smile on his lips. You could see the emotion on his face, you never thought you would feel this loved by another person. Hugh's love was written all over his face, something that he showed you almost every night.

You didn't have sex every night, but you were intimate together. Focusing solely on other's bodies, learning every sensitive spot, kissing every dip and freckle. Trusting each other in ways you'd never trusted another person before. You had never gone bare with anyone before him, something you did later in the relationship. Never let a partner stay inside of you after you have sex, or hold you the way he does. As close as he could possibly be, doing whatever he pleased with your body. You started experimenting with different toys, different ways to pleasure each other, and find what drives the other crazy. 

But now with him standing in front of you, love is emitting in the air between you as your dad handed you off to Hugh. You kissed your dad's cheek before Hugh led you to stand in front of him, his hand coming into yours after you handed off your bouquet to Liz. You glanced over at your brother with a fond smile, as the music ended. 

Your brother begins his speech, "Hello and welcome! We're here today because Hugh and Ainsley have decided they love each other so much that they want to get the government involved! But again, thanks to all who have joined us today, I know that every one who is here today is very important to both the bride and groom." He clears his throat, as you smile over at Hugh. "Growing up I always wanted to protect Ainsley, we always had a very close relationship, and I knew that whoever was going to end up with my sister needed to be a good guy. Little did I know when you said you were bringing your new boyfriend that you'd be bringing home the wolverine." Hugh chuckled, along with the crowd, a smile curving your face. "All jokes aside, I should have known you'd find a superhero to fall in love with. The moment I knew that you were going to wound up with his guy was when you said. "Yes, he's a superhero, but I don't need him to save me, I just want to be by his side no matter what happens." Because that is what love is, it's growing together, forgiving each other even if you hate each other, and coming together. At the end of the day, you love each other, and you promised you'd always be by each other’s side."

The two of you promised yourselves to each other, before getting the opportunity to recite your vows, Hugh got to start, "I'm going to start off with a story of when I first met Ainsley. If you didn't know we met on the set of her movie and from the moment I walked into that audition I felt your strong presence. You've always been a force to reckon with and I didn't like to admit that but you captivated me in a way I had never felt before. I'm a 50-something-year-old divorced man, with a career that was slowing and a status that was waning. I didn't want to do the movie at first, so I went to the audition to see the script in action just to meet you. Seeing your vision come to life became my passion, to see what you spoke about so vehemently on the big screen, come to life. I wanted to spend as much time as I could with you because your creative talent was something anyone would want to witness. It also helped that you are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid my eyes on. As cheesy and repetitive as that sounds, there is a type of beauty that only your kind, creative, observant soul emits. The only type of beauty that I can associate with your eyes and your name. The type of beauty that got me to do an indie romance movie this late into my career." You laughed as tears clouded your vision, your handkerchief from your cousin’s wedding, a beautiful blue, purple, and green peacock on the fabric. You brought up the material to dab at your eyes. "I've said this many times but you are my world, wanting to make you happy and see you thrive has become my number one goal. My career used to come first, one of the things I was most passionate about. But when you walked into my life you showed me what I was missing, I started only being able to picture you as my future and started seeing you in the tiniest details of my life. I couldn't have asked for a better partner, someone who took the time to get to know my kids, even without me asking. This woman spent hours trying to come up with the best way to connect my children, she asked my advice and showed the type of patience I could only wish I had. You care so deeply about others and show me the love I deserve. Our love is the type that consumes us but somehow stabilizes and grounds us as well. I know from the beginning you told me you didn't need a man in your life, you could be by yourself and be content. But that you chose me, you chose to shove past all of your fears to come into my arms. And my love, my sunshine, my Ainsley, I can't thank you enough for choosing me and I want to spend the rest of our lives showing you why you chose me." 

"Thank you, Hugh. Ainsley, have you prepared your vows?"

"I have." Your voice shook, as you cleared your throat before opening up the paper. You don't know how Hugh managed to recite that but it warmed your heart to know he took it so seriously and said the sweetest heartfelt words that made it impossible to not cry. "I um, I never wanted to fit into the patriarchal idea of marriage, and giving away your last name for someone else. I didn't think that the love I deserved was going to happen for me, not because I didn't deserve it but because it was so specific. People told me to lower my standards and conform, but I held strong and eventually thought I was going to end up alone. But I found you." Your voice wobbled, as a tear came down to your cheek as you looked up at Hugh, his green eyes shimmering as he squeezed your hand. "You know that feeling you get when you've made a final decision, cut and dry so easily was what I thought my future was. I thought I was going to be alone. Then you did everything, you filled in the gaps and checked all of my boxes. Even when you couldn't, you'd walk in head first and you asked me what I needed and never hesitated to give it to me. Your love is the type of thing that heals so many wounds because all of my trauma can be shut down by saying I did find the love of my life. I did find the right guy, I did hold out for my hero. I found a man who I trust to love me for the rest of my life and someone I can so easily love. Because Hugh, that is what you are and always have been. You are just so so easy to love, it's nuts. You are ridiculously funny, charming, and kind. You constantly put others in front of you and you never ask for anything in return. You constantly held my hand in the darkness and reminded me that I wasn't alone. You held the door open in your life and welcomed me through the front door. Ever since I have felt at home in your arms," Your voice breaks, as you try to take a deep breath. "I have never felt safer with anyone or anything, the way I feel with you. The way you show me every day that you are my safe haven, my hope, and everything that I could've ever wished for. Hugh, I don't think I'm very good at this but lovebug, I love you so much. In a way that I could never possibly write, paint, or create. The type of love that can only be shown through time, grace, and passion. The type of love that we hold between us and that we will continue to spread in our future.” You looked up into Hugh’s eyes as you finished, his fingers squeezing yours as he looked down at you with glassy orbs. 

"Thank you, both great displays of your love. Ainsley and Hugh, are you two ready to get married?

"Yes please." You murmured as Hugh breathed out a, "yes.", 

"Do you take one another as partners from this day forward?"

"We do." You and Hugh spoke together as you gazed into his deep brown eyes, a shine of green reflecting in his orbs with a fog of almost beige, brown. His frown lines dipped as he held a serious look in his eyes, your fingers itching to feel his smile lines against your thumb. Your eyes trace the curve of his nose to the barely-there dusting of freckles. 

"Will you love, honor, and cherish one another as partners for the rest of your lives?"

"We will." You repeat as you feel a smile line your face, as you squeeze Hugh's hands. 

"Hugh and Ainsley have chosen these rings as a symbol of their unbreakable love. Please place these rings on each other's fingers and repeat after me." Your brother began, as Ryan's son waddled over to you with the rings. 

"Thank you bub." Hugh grinned down at him, before standing up and handing you his ring. You felt your eyebrows furrow as you tried not to cry, as Hugh took your hand. 

"I give you this ring as a reminder of our love, safety, authenticity, and trust." Your brother started as Hugh gazed down at you, his eyebrows dipping as his eyes flicked back and forth from yours. His warm hand encompassed yours as you pointed your ring finger at him as he looked into your eyes with passion and repeated your brother's words.

"I give you this ring as a reminder of our love, safety, authenticity, and trust." And Hugh gives you his hand, your other hand holding it as you repeat the words before sliding the golden ring on Hugh's ring finger. 

"By the authority vested in me, it is with joy that I pronounce you married. Family and Friends I present to you, Mrs. and Mr. Jackman!"

Hugh scoops you up in his arms as your ring-clad hand comes up to his jaw and his lips smash against yours. You smiled against his lips before giggling in joy as you parted, your hands coming together as he pulled you back to lightly kiss your lips again. Your hands clasped together as he raised your hands into the air, making you laugh as you looked over at your husband. ‘Can't take my eyes off of you’ by Frankie Valli started playing as Hugh forced you to dance down the aisle. Your cheeks flamed before you got back inside of the house. Hugh wrapped his around you the sound of his booming laughter making your chest feel warm, as he kissed the top of your head. "We're married, baby."

"God I love you so much." You cried, your arms slinging around his broad shoulders as his arms went to your back and tugged you in closer as his lips fell on top of yours. 

"I love you," Hugh mumbled against your lips, as Liz and Ryan came in after you.

"C'mon let's make it official love birds." Ryan ushered, slinging an arm around Liz as Hugh led the three of you to the reading room where you had kept your marriage license on your desk. Your brother walked in shortly after and you walked over to hug him.

"You did so good! Thank you."

"No problem, Ainsley." Your brother replied, patting your back as you moved back as he came to sign his part. "Okay you guys sign this and your witnesses and it's official."

Liz and Ryan signed their names first before you and Hugh did your own, signing your name Ainsley Jackman. Your hand came over Hugh's as he handed the license to your problem. "We're gonna drop Y/N/N, off at home and go get this to the courthouse, we'll be back."

"Grab some food before you go," Hugh suggested, as your hand came to his forearm and you looked up at him, your hands coming to rest on his stomach. Your brother left, as Hugh glanced down into your eyes he saw the look in your eyes. You needed to be alone. "Why don't you go out, Ryan led them to the dining area."

"Yes sir." Ryan huffed, as Liz grinned over at the two of you before walking out. Hugh's arms wrapped around your thighs as he sat down on your loveseat. Pushing your dress up so it was looser around your hips, as your hands came to his chest. His hands came to grip your hands as his lips landed on yours. Then you moved your head into his neck as he pulled you in closer. The sound of his heart beating against your ear. You had planned a break between the ceremony and the dinner, your cousin and her husband were supposed to take your food and bring it in. You would go back for dessert, cut the cake, and socialize with everyone. 

But after all the social interaction you needed time alone with your new husband. The smell of his woodsy cologne fills your senses as your hand comes up to thread through his hair. Hugh's nose pressed against your neck, as you felt his eyes flutter shut against your skin. One of his hands rubbed up and down your back, as you held each other close. Little murmurs about how much you love each other go back between the two of you. Your eyes almost grow tired as the door opens and your cousin comes in. "Hey, love birds!" She greeted, setting down one of your plates and cups. Her husband is doing the same, nodding over at you. 

"Congrats Ainsley."

"Thank you." You smiled over at him as you moved off of Hugh's lap. The two of you go over to grab your plates before sitting on the couch together, pulling a table over to you, that hangs over the couch. The two of you chatted back and forth, your hands kept reaching over to touch each other. Or wanting to try something on each other's plate. You're giving each other excuses to reach over the table and kiss. 

When you're done with your dinner you walk back out, everyone cheering for you and making you blush. Everyone grabs their wine glasses and taps their knives against it. You giggle your hand coming to your mouth as Hugh's left arm comes to your waist, pulling you in to smash your lips together. When he moves back, he gives you a soft smile, as he leads you to the front of the room. The dinner and reception go back in a flash, full of dancing, and singing. Right before the dancing, Hugh serenaded you with 'All Of Me' by John Legend, a song that you now deemed as your song. You weren't sure where you were sleeping tonight, Hugh was keeping that a secret. Before you knew it, you were drunk off the happiness, love, and excitement. You were shocked when there was a limo waiting for you. "They're going to keep the window closed," Hugh whispered in your ear, as you walked out of the house. 

The night twinged your nose as Hugh carried your bags over your shoulders. The rest of your suitcase all packed up in the back. You smiled at the fact that he had to set this all up for you, keeping a secret. You still didn't know where you were going. Your family came out to decorate the back of the limo for you earlier, it was all marked up with 'Just married', streamers, and balloons hanging off the back of it. The sunset was starting to come down as you said goodbye to your family and got into the back of the limo. Hugh climbed in after you, before getting right down on his knees. Your eyes widened as his hands came to your knees, spreading your thighs. You flushed, as he pulled your hips down the seat. 

"Hugh." You giggled, as he grinned up at you and he pecked kisses against the inside of your thigh. ---start here. His hands came up to the sides of your dress, dragging them up your hips. Hugh's hands soothing over the rolls on your belly. His lips kiss over the fabric covering your clit, making you huff out. 

"Keep imaging this on you all day, trying not to get hard. God it's been so long since I've been inside of you," Hugh grunted, burying his nose into the wet fabric of your cunt. "Always smell so fucking good. Gotta fucking taste you, my wife." 

"I'm yours, Hugh." You panted, as his hands to your white lacey panties, pulling them off your hips and dragging it down your thighs, your heels falling off your feet. Hugh moves your legs up around his shoulders before parting your thighs and licking a fat strip up your petals. He groaned at the taste on his tongue before burying his mouth into you, his nose sitting on your mound as his fingers came up to prod at your tight entrance. Your walls flutter around his finger, and he grunts into your nub making your hips buck into his mouth. Hugh's strong biceps flex as he pulls you back to his mouth in the position he wanted. "Hugh, fuck." You moaned.

This man ate pussy like a god. His finger came up to pinch at your clit, spitting on it while he lapped at your folds. Or his nose rubbing at your clit while he fucked you with his tongue, you wreathed in his grasp, and one of his hands pulled your top down to cup your bra-clad breast. Finding your nipple through the fabric and tweaking the nipple. Hugh mumbling and groaning into your cunt to make you slicker as he made you come all over his face. "Fuck me, princess," Hugh called. "Such a good girl." His large hands soothed up and down your thighs as he gazed up at you with forlorn eyes. 

"God I need your cock, please Hugh, fill me up." You begged as Hugh groaned, pulling you to him and shoving his erection into your wet pussy. The black cloth of his dress pants getting wet with your clear arousal. 

"Gotta wait."

"No, fuck me, Hugh. Gotta fuck your wife." You pressed, your hands coming to unbutton his shirt. His hand smacked your hand away. "Wanna feel you."

"So fucking needy," Hugh grunted, as he rutted into you, his head shooting back as he groaned softly. "Know how badly I wanna claim you and teasin me like that. Knowing that you wanna wait." His hands come to your ass, pulling you up and his hand comes to the side of your cheek. 

"Hugh!" You yelped, flushing a deep red, and the feeling of sweat rose to your skin. 

"Shut the fuck up." He grunted.

"You're the one you spanked me." You squeaked, a giggle erupting from your chest. Hugh couldn't help but smile over at you as his lips came to your thighs. 

"Make you come again."

The car came to a stop, as Hugh moved back keeping your panties in his pocket. Pulling down your wedding dress as your hands came up to your chest. Readjusting your breasts as Hugh moved to readjust his cock in his pants. Your eyes fixated on the bulge as his hand came over it. A shaky breath came out of your mouth as you moved closer. "Need your cock so bad. Let me taste you."

"Fuck-we gotta go-."

"Please need you in my mouth, fuck my throat daddy." Hugh huffed out a rough laugh, as hand came to your hair, gripping it in his hand. The nickname turned him on, as your hand came on top of his bulge. Your lips smashed against his in a hard kiss, your tongues and teeth clashing together. 

"So fucking naughty, princess." He taunted, nipping at your lip before pulling you away. "Get out of the car."

"But d-."

"Get out of the fucking car," Hugh said as you stood up as he harshly demanded, his hand coming to smack your ass possessively as you opened the door. 

You turned around with a grin on your face, "Harder." His hand came to your hip pushing you out of the car before standing behind you. Hugh leant down to grab the bags from the car, before wrapping his jacket around your shoulders. You pulled the sides to your chest as you walked forward out of the car. Your eyes widened as you looked around at the airport, there was Hugh's private jet, he didn't use it often, but he wanted to get it out for this occasion. The two of you are staying in Denver, Colorado for the next couple of days to see the local cities and go to different places. When you got on the plane, Hugh took you back towards the private part of the plane. Locking the door before turning you around, you giggled as his lips came to the back of your neck lightly placing kisses along your skin. His hands work the zipper down the back of your dress. 

"Just wanna rip this off of you." Hugh groaned as he tugged off the dress, pulling at the sleeves as he undressed you. "Fucking love you so much, my everything right here." He breathed out, as his nose pressed against your collarbone, and he pecked against the skin. When your breast was let free from your bra, he grasped one of them in his hands as he groaned, before his other hand came between your folds and his fingers entered your slick entrance. "God your so fucking wet." He started hammering his fingers in your g-spot, making you moan out loudly as his mouth came over your clit. You loved the feelings of his fingers inside of you, they were long and thick, hitting places deep inside of you. But it was nothing like his cock, and the further his fingers reached the more you imagined his cock bruising your cervix. 

"God, fuck me, Hugh." You pleaded.

"Come for me first," Hugh argued, as started swirling his tongue on your clit as he sucked, his fingers rubbing upwards to hit the special spot inside of you. The feeling welling up inside your pussy as he continued his ministrations, the squelching filling up the room as his index and middle finger prod at the spongy part inside of you. The part he loved wrapped around his cock, he bucked his hips into the mattress as he spit on his finger to make it even wetter. You gushed out on him as you jerked your hips, not quite coming yet, but as he blew on your clit, you cried out his name. 

"Fuck, Hugh." He pulled your aching clit back into his mouth and he keeps sucking like his life depends on it.  

"God can't come, need your cock." You cried as you leant forward, your hand reaching down to the tent in his crotch. "I bet you’re so fucking hard, gotta feel it. Love that vein that runs down your Adonis belt to your cock. Need inside me." 

"Fuck, needy little cock-slut." Hugh growled, his hands coming to his shirt to start unbuttoning it. While you sat up scooching forward to undo his button and zipper, pulling it down and pushing down the sides of his pantsuit. You left out a soft whine as you felt his cock bulging from underneath his boxer briefs. You sighed out shakily, as you leaned forward to kiss his hot dick over the fabric. Your fingers came to the hem of his Calvin Klein's and tugging them down to expose his hard as a rock member, bobbing in the air. His tip was a fiery red, precum bubbling off the tip, he was rough and veiny, his mid-shaft thick and long. You leant forward to kiss at the sides of his dick before spitting on his cock. Hugh groaned, as he pushed back his button and his hand came to your hair, tugging on the roots as he positioned the mushroom tip of his cock at your lips. Your tongue poked out to wet the skin, Hugh hissed at the softest before your wet mouth enveloped him. A deep moan of your name fell from his mouth as he panted. 

Hugh pushed his cock further into your mouth, as your jaw loosened, and you started gagging around him. He breathed out shakily, the sensation coursing through his veins like adrenaline. Your mouth was so soft, you knew just how he liked your mouth on him. You were drooly and messy, your hips kept shifting and your thighs kept wiggling. He pulled you off of his cock, his hand coming to pet your cheek. Hugh leant down to kiss your lips, his hand coming to your waist and pulling you closer to him. He stepped out of his dress pants before sitting on the bed and pulling you on top of him. Your lips crashed down on his with a soft moan, your hand coming down to his hard cock that rested between the two of you. You started moving your hand up and down his shaft as he gazed into your eyes with a light brown haze in his eyes. Then you lifted your hips, bringing his dick to your entrance and starting to sink down on his tip. The velvety walls taking him in made a groan quell from his throat, his hands stopping your hips from moving further. "Fuck you're so tight." Hugh panted, as he tilted his head to look into your eyes. You felt tears well up in your eyes as you looked over at your husband. You felt the cold of his ring against your skin. Hugh pulls you off of him, before moving you onto your back and sliding into you. You cried out at the feeling of his cock filling you completely, your walls so slick it didn't hurt. "I love you, baby." He murmured, leaning into your room before he started slowly thrusting his hips into yours. 

"Fuck, Hugh." You whined, tucking your head into his neck as your hand delved into your hair, tugging on the strands as his lips messily met yours, his hips making soft moans fall from your lips like a case of the hiccups. His hands moved to both sides of your hair, moving your hair away from your face. Hugh started lightly tracing your features while he gave you deep long thrusts, his hand coming down trace circles on your throbbing clit. You fluttered around his dick before spasming more, almost pushing his member out of your pussy. But he pushed his hips further into you, your eyes looking down at his flexed sweaty abs, his head tilting back at the feeling of you clamping around him. Then the gush you let out as you orgasmed, the high-pitched roaring moan of his name echoing off the walls of the room. You were lucky that you were in the sky, you hoped no one else heard you. "Wanna mark you, fucking mine."

"Yeah, baby? Need to mark your territory? Fucking show me I'm the one?" Hugh grunted, pulled out of you for a moment, as your lips sucked and nipped as his neck. You were sure to leave fat bruises on his neck, your fingers digging into his skin and pulling him in close. You sighed at the vicinity of his cock, making sure that he remained close as he grinned down at you. "Just wanna make you come again on my cock, feels like fucking heaven." 

"Don't want you to stop fucking me." You admitted, a flush throughout your whole body, as his hand came down to your sensitive pussy to massage the skin. He moved forward, lining up his cock with your pussy and sinking inside, he filled himself to the hilt. Your pussy was the perfect fit for his cock, your hands shakily gripping his shoulders as you sloppily bit his jaw and mouth. 

"Just gonna stay right here for a moment." Hugh's mouth enveloped your breast, his other hand coming to cup your breast and tweak at your nipple. Your nipples puckering up for him, growing wet with his mouth sucking and teasing them. He groaned softly at the way you fluttered around his cock, he leaned into you an idea popping into his head. "Fucking use me, fucking yourself on my cock." 

You moaned, your hands coming to cup his hands that moved over your breasts as you started grinding your hips against his and letting out the airest brightest moan as your clit rubbed against his pubic hair. Hugh moved forward to kiss your lips a soft kiss, trying to resist fucking you into oblivion as he helped you move your body against his cock. Your hips doing the motions and Hugh giving the oomph behind it. That was until you started begging him, whining like a little puppy, "God fuck me, Hugh. Need you to fuck the shit of me, baby." You slurred, as he couldn't help but give a toothy grin as he pressed his swollen lips to yours. Hugh was hesitant to buck his hips into yours, the two of you moving together in harsh movements, your orgasm welling up in you with the rhythmic movement before your back arched, his hands over your breasts as you cradled his arms. Your mouth dropped open as you panted out his name, but before you could react he started jack hammering into your soaked cunt. His cock fell out of you before he pulled out of you, a moan falling from your mouth as he turned you over on your back, getting pillows to help support you and the baby. His hand moved behind your thighs to feel your slick, the arousal a web between his pointer and middle finger. Hugh brought the essence up to his mouth, moaning at your taste before grabbing his cock and pushing his hips forward to bottom out at you. 

"Fuck Hugh." You cried, grabbing onto the maitress as he started jackhammering into your cunt. Your head tilts back as you move against him, his hand coming around to rub at your clit. Your body folding back into him as you started fucking yourself back on his cock like a hungry slut. "Daddy you fuck me so good."

"God your fucking husband now baby girl." Hugh grumbled against your lips, as he lightly slotted his against yours as started rubbing taunt circles on your clit, the movements concentrated as you grabbed at his hand covering your stomach for leverage. One of your hands slid to his strong veiny bicep clutching on for dear god, as you felt a strong orgasm begin to blossom in your stomach like a tall blooming sunflower on a hot shiny summer's day. 

"Mine." You sighed, leaning back into his back before your legs give out as they tremble with your orgasm running through you like a freight train, sucking in your husband's member and his hips stuttering into you, before ground into you while his orgasm shot out of his slit and into your pulsating cunt. Hugh kept his cock inside of you as he leaned his weight on to you, making you sign with the feeling of him against you. Your hands smooth up his back, feeling his sweat skin and the dips of his muscled back. You kissed his shoulder as he hid in your neck, both of your sexes pulsating and throbbing. Hugh eventually pulled out of you to take care of the two of you. 

Carrying you to the bathroom to help you go to the bathroom, you both take bird baths before getting into the pair of pajamas that Hugh had packed for the two of you. Brushing your teeth and getting back out to the bedroom. He pulled off the top blanket and set it on the ground before pulling up the top sheet. You crawled under and he turned off the light as he crawled under with you. Hugh's strong arms wrapped around you as his hazel eyes gazed down at you with piercing love.

note: this got out of hand and i had to imagine every little thing because i wanna marry this man so badly it's not funny

tags: @ohtobemare @jessjessmarvelandhp @chronicallybubbly @delicateholland @bubblegumholland @mega-kittyglitter-1 @squishyfruitloop

[dharmasharks]

I read so many neat fics this summer thanks to the @ficreadingchallenge and managed to black out my bingo card! Not only did I finally get to stories that had been languishing in my TBR for literal years, but I discovered tons of delightful fics in genres I wouldn't have sought out otherwise.

Thank you mods for organizing this, I’m already itching to do it again. Bingo card below the cut, plus my unhinged ramblings about the 24 fics I got to read. (Mostly Stucky, but also a smattering of Sambucky, MattFoggy, a Winterhawk, a Captive Prince, and a Catwin.) 

WIP: on the shore of the wild world by verger_de_pommiers

MCU | Steve x Bucky | M | 19k | Civil War AU

In which a fierce little Steve shelters wounded union soldier Bucky in his remote cabin. Gorgeous prose, immersive historical detail, and tender protectiveness. I lucked into finding this as it was posting (it’s now complete!) and felt like the author had been reading my dream fic journal because it ticked so many of my very specific boxes!

No powers AU: Broken But Mending by Lissadiane

MCU | Bucky x Clint | M | 15k | Modern AU

Bucky is a recovering war vet who starts rebuilding his life one instagram post, coffee, and plant at a time with some motivation from Clint Barton’s weekly sex advice column. Spoiler: the advice isn’t so much about sex as it is about trying again, and accepting that we’re all scared and scarred and worthy of love anyway. Read this on a day where your heart needs a big hug of happiness. 

Secret relationship: Don't Ask by AnnaFugazzi

MCU | Steve x Bucky | M | 21k | WW2 

I’ve seen this fic recced a lot for wartime stucky but was admittedly apprehensive because it’s canon-compliant and we all know where that train gets off, ya know? This is not a lighthearted premise either: Steve and Bucky get outed and because they’re a propaganda machine, the Howlies are ordered to keep their relationship a secret, despite their intense discomfort—all told in a devastatingly effective outsider perspective from Gabe. I appreciate that the author didn’t shy away from depicting unflattering (and hard to read!) period-typical attitudes, including those Gabe and Morita would have faced in the service.

Newest fic in the tag of your choice: Cabin Fever by missbeizy

MCU | Steve x Bucky | E | 5k | Cabin PWP

Missbeizy never fails to deliver on beautifully written stucky smut that caters to my tastes, so when I got that notification you better believe I jumped on it stat. Even in their shorter fics, they always build up a lovely setting and tension, which makes the eventual hot, hot sexy times feel even sexier. (All their stucky fics are *chefs kiss* — Foothold and Number of Years are my favorites.)

Mission fic: (With eyes shut) it's you I'm thinking of by Yavannie

MCU | Sam x Bucky | E | 3k | Partners with Benefits

Gosh only knows I enjoy a dynamic where it’s easier for two closed-off people to communicate physically than to actually talk! About their feelings! Good stuff!

Found family: Only the Good Die Young by ZenaidaMacroura / @zenaidamacrouras1

MCU | Steve x Bucky | M | 23K | Shrunkyclunks

There’s banter both awkward and charming, sweet sweet crushing, and a whole cast of wonderful characters who care so much (even when it’s hard). I love the dynamics between everyone in paramedic!Bucky’s crew and the way they look out for each other.

Pets: no years of silence in the shadow of regret by Ginny_Potter / @hipsterdiva

MCU | Steve x Bucky | G | 9k | De-serumed Steve

I don’t usually have the strength for post-EG fic, but look at me now, I read three this summer! Here, Steve is irrevocably changed by everything he’s endured, and he suffers for it in the most perfectly Steve-ish way: very, very quietly. Such a satisfying balance of grief and hope as Bucky tries to bridge the distance Steve’s put between them (and his acquired pet, The Dog) in order to protect himself from the possibility of loss. 

Mythical creature AU: all this and heaven too by spinawren

Captive Prince | Laurent x Damen | M | 15k | Selkie AU

I may never get over how perfect a Lighthouse keeper / selkie AU is for these characters. There’s Laurent, whose sense of self-preservation is so integral to his sense of self that giving love feels like giving a part of himself away—because it means giving up your armor. And Damon: unwaveringly devoted, who knows that love isn’t taken, it’s a choice you both keep making. I want to live in the lush world of this fic forever. 

Oldest fic in the fandom: Genie In A Bottle bykupcake_goddess

Dead Boy Detectives | Cat King x Edwin | E | 2K | Missing Scene

Edwin was hot for that hot cat guy and they should have kissed about it. Fanfic is great.

Fake dating: The Constellation of Touch by what_alchemy

Daredevil | Matt x Foggy | E | 19k | Pretend Relationship

What’s juicier than fake dating your best friend? Fake dating your best friend while actually going through a messy (law partnership) divorce! Featuring: wonderful Nelson family dynamics, a singular bed, and the intimacy of getting to know the person you thought you knew best all over again. I’ve read a lot of gorgeous depictions of the way Matt experiences the world, but these might be some of my favorites. 

Author’s oldest fic: the wrote and the writ by stewyonmolly

MCU | Steve x Bucky | G | 10k | everybody lives, nobody gets serumed

You know when you read the first paragraph of a fic and go, “yes ha ha ha YES,” like a sicko, but what you’re really sick over is the author’s style? That’s how I feel about this fic. I would eat the dialogue if I could! While it includes one of my favorite soft premises (everyone home safe in post-war Brooklyn, the end), Bucky doesn’t come back unscathed. But Steve–and this is a wonderful, wonderful Steve–never dances around Bucky’s amputation and Bucky never coddles him back.

Parallel universe: Except it Abide in the Vine by spitandvinegar

MCU | Steve x Bucky x Sam | M | 27k | Multiverse Shenanigans 

If you’re afraid of the summary just know that there is a place for every Steve and every Steve in its place, which is with a Bucky (and/or a Sam)!!! And by golly are there a lot of Buckys to love in this one, including a scrappy 616!bucky with the most pockets and everyone’s favorite cannibal, Sweetpea. There are plenty of melty exchanges (and breathtaking art!) but my favorite multiverse moments are always when a WS!bucky gets to see a small Steve again. I could read it a million times and it would never be enough. 

Free space: When I Put Away Childish Things by hansbekhart

MCU | Steve x Bucky | M | 14k | Prewar

One of the most vivid and immersive prewar settings I’ve had the pleasure of reading, which is saying something, because I have read a [redacted] quantity of prewar stucky. The narrative structure is so powerful and effective, even if you already know what we’re building toward. The author also has my new favorite take on Bucky’s enlistment status, which felt nicely refreshing (and this is a 10 year old fic!) given the otherwise ubiquitous fanon.

Space AU: We'll meet again in Brooklyn by Gfawkes / @gfawkesphoenixchokingonashes

MCU | Steve x Bucky | E | 33k | Scifi AU

Amazing dystopian premise and world building featuring the bravest small nurse Steve and a devoted and self-sacrificing soldier Bucky. They’re both so loyal to each other but also to their separate friends and teammates.

Werewolf AU: you touch me within and so i (know i could be human once again) by notcaycepollard

MCU | Sam x Bucky | E | 12k | werewolf!bucky

In this canon-adjacent-verse, Bucky is freed from Hydra’s clutches, but they turned him into a (very soft and sweet) werewolf who just needs to be cuddled and petted and maybe bossed around a little bit. Sam is understandably beside himself…and also up to the task. 

Vampire AU: the blood is the life by obsessivereader

MCU | Steve x Bucky | M | 3K | vampire!bucky

When Bucky keeps sneaking off to bite a lot of strange young men, Steve’s biggest concern is, “Why not me????” I love the trope that the super soldier healing factor makes them great vampire companions.

Short fic: give up on trying to save us by returnsandreturns

Daredevil | Matt x Foggy | E | <1000 | Hate Sex

They’re rival lawyers, they banter, they are not going to have sex with each other again except that oh no, yes they are! What’s not to love!?

Slow burn: Steve Rogers, PA by sparkagrace / @sparkagrace

MCU | Steve x Bucky | T | WIP | Hunkyclinks

Hopefully you all are reading this one already because it’s a freakin delight all around. The premise is incredible and very funny, but there is also action and wound tending and my favorite thing ever, which is Steve and Bucky always managing to know each other better than anyone.

Holiday fic: Teshuva by JHSC

MCU | Steve x Bucky | T | 6K | Recovering Bucky

I could not find it in me to read a holiday (lbr: Christmas) fic over the summer, but ‘tis the season for atonement, y’all! That’s right, Yom Kippur is upon us, and this was a really lovely read on Bucky coming to terms with his memories, his relationship to his mother, and what it means to seek forgiveness. 

Medieval AU: The Tale of the Silver-Armed Knight by BeaArthurPendragon

MCU | Steve x Bucky | E | 5K | medieval AU

I had never come across a medieval fic in my journeys before, so this was a fun scavenger hunt. I managed to stumble my way into some sexy, sexy treasure by way of smithy!Steve measuring knight!Bucky for a special suit of armor. Amazing historical detail including—and I am very serious—D/S dynamics that felt so period appropriate. 

Video edit: Evidence by @bromcommie / vivelarevolution

MCU | Bucky Barnes

Why are you reading this rec list (or whatever this is) when you could be watching and reblogging this fucking edit! Are you watching it yet? Are you??? OP’s perfectly matched dialogue, parallels, and transitions will destroy you and you WILL thank them for it. (Thank you, Max.) The build up from the quiet of Bucky’s therapy session to the blurred violence between Bucky, the Soldier, and everyone he’s been in between is beautifully gutting.

Inspired by another fanwork: [Podfic] If They Haven't Learned Your Name by quietnight

MCU | Steve x Bucky | M | Post-CATWS

I’m far from the first to praise quietnight’s incredible voicework and podfic production, but holy heck, I’ll do it anyway. I have a hard time getting into audiobooks, and have never had a problem feeling fully immersed in their works. Silentwalrus’s story deserves all the praise it gets, too. A lovely balance of humor and heart, action and character work. 

Fluff: Invisible Ink by ctimene

Daredevil | Matt x Foggy | E | 16K | Tattoo Parlor AU

Hard to write a rec that isn’t just keysmashing and squealing sounds but OKAY FINE I’ll try. This ‘verse manages to parallel canon in ways that are both delightful and heart twisting, with all of Foggy’s heart, kindness, and snark translated to tattooing instead of lawyering. And they were still avocados! And also: sexy. Really, extremely sexy.

Time travel: Some legends are told by chaosmanor, rufferto

MCU | Steve x Bucky | E | 26K | Neolithic Wanderings 

In which Steve will go to any length to find Bucky, including 4 thousand years into the past (while wearing a very short tunic). I absolutely devoured this and was beside myself with delight over its uniqueness and all around nerdery—so many amazing and specific historical details.

Domestic: t'aimer sur les bords du lac by burning_brighter / @burnin-brighter

MCU | Steve x Bucky | M | 17k | Post-EG

Lovely and soft wish fulfillment: put those boys in a cabin until they can get the rest they deserve…and also talk about their feelings! I loved how careful they were with each other until they slowly found their footing again.

[gilded-sunrays]

ᯓᡣ𐭩Yoriichi Romance Headcanons:

| Type: Fluff 💕| Warnings: None | WC: 0.6k |

𖤐ˎˊ˗Masterlist

❥ Yoriichi is super gentle, so if you’re in a relationship with him, expect nothing but kindness and care.

❥ And i know the fandom sometimes either portrays him as a 'freaky overprotective yandere' or 'sweet innocent uwu bean who cries at everything', and no hate to those who portray him as such- but realistically speaking; he would NOT act this way towards his s/o

❥ Plus, he’s just too pure-hearted for anything like stalking or kidnapping. Seriously, he literally gave up his dreams of being a swordsman just because he felt bad about injuring Michikatsu's mentor!

❥ But don't get me wrong- he is still a grown adult man with boundaries. If something’s off or he sees something wrong, Yoriichi will definitely speak up and voice his opinions. he WILL be assertive and strict when it's needed.

❥ Seriously, let’s not forget that he is literally a ruthless warrior in a fight!

❥ Yoriichi will be protective of you.. not in that 'obsessive' way, but through those little gestures (especially if you meet him after Uta)

~For example: if you might have to go somewhere, he'll insist that he accompanies you. And if not, he'll always remind you to be careful. In any crowded area, he’ll hold your hand and keep you close, making sure no one bumps into you.

❥ Speaking of Uta, if the S/o meets him after her.. then it will take time for him to open up again. Winning his heart will definitely be a journey-- Loyalty is basically this man's middle name.

❥ Also, get ready to be swarmed by animals and birds whenever you're near him. Because canonically Yoriichi is like a Disney princess thanks to his selfless state and calm nature.

❥ If you ever decide to give him something as a gift-- be it a bracelet or even a simple card; Yoriichi is gonna cherish it for life.

❥ Seriously, if you end up being Yoriichi's partner, you’ll be like the safest person in the entire world. A demon wouldn't even be able to lay a FINGER on you when he's around. Heck, a demon would be dead before they even realize so!!

❥ Sick? Period? Yoriichi will know before even you realise it.(the many pros of having the transparent world) and trust me, he'll make sure that you're well taken care of. He did take care of his mother in his childhood, afterall.

❥ Ever seen that spiderman scene when Peter catches Mj and her tray of food before she could fall? Yeah, if something like that ever happened to you then that exact scene would play out. Yoriichi would be WAY faster though- he'd probably be standing next to you before you could even process what just happened.

❥ Yoriichi is a quiet man, so mostly he just loves listening to your voice and the things you tell him. And believe me, he will remember everything; even the tiniest details.

❥ Yoriichi doesn't usually express emotions on the outside and he's pretty much stoic and emotionless 24/7; so you'd actually would have to learn to read his emotions.

❥ Just because he may not look very happy, doesn't mean that he isn't on the inside, and vice versa.

❥ Yoriichi would notice and appreciate even the tiniest things about you.

❥ Having a nightmare? Yoriichi will sense it right away (yes, even when he is sleeping.) and immediately pull you in for a comforting hug.

[that-girl-glader]

JWCT SPOILERS FROM THE TRAILER BELOW

BRO WTH OMGOSH. SO FAR THIS ARE THE THINGS GOING ON IN MY HEAD FROM THAT TRAILER

FIRST OFF...... OMGOSH WHY DOES EVERYONE LOOK SO HOT. AND WHY IS BEN SO BEAUTIFULLY BLONDE AND PRETTY BOY😭😭 DARIUS IS KILLING ME WITH HIS STANCE IN THE BOAT. THE FU???

Okay now for business. "I'm not the same Brooklyn you knew before" Bitch no you FUCKING AREN'T. BECAUSE YOU HAVE GROWN UP. AND have trauma. But babes....what do you mean by that???? Brother. You're gonna get yourself ACTUALLY killed. Why did you burn the photo....there was no reason. ALSO LOVE THE HAIR WTH.

I think the other girl in the trailer we didn't see is either Mae or you know BEN PINCUS' GIRLFRIEND. AND IF IT IS.... I'M SO OVER MY LIFE. BUT THE GAYS CAN'T WIN. AND....I have the sneaking suspicion that benrius (yay) or Benji(bluh ew ew burns...jokesssss) is never gonna happen. I hope he breaks up with her if that ends up true.

I will sue if Brooklyn and Darius end up together. And no it's not because I want Darius and Ben or whatever. Heck they can all stay single except for yasammy for all I care. I just don't see it. It does not compliment each other in any way, and doesn't make sense to me. And I'm a hugeeee Kenji x Brooklyn because it was a very fair balance of differences and similarities. And it was so requited. I just don't see why if you can see she wasn't committed to being with Kenji that she'd be committed to be with Darius. I think she just can't immediately jump into a relationship.

Darius just had his first love it doesn't make sense for him to get with someone. The field of romance is unfamiliar to him. I think he needs to heal first too. They both do. Before anything happens. But guys...it would mean so much to me if benrius in a future skip ends up together because I NEED THIS WTH...And their dynamic just makes me so happy I can't lose that. I'd be borderline sad. Even if the bond was queer platonic. I'd take it. Even if they never kiss or hug or whatever I'd take it. Even if nothing happens with brooks or Ben I'd take it!!! Better non canon than canon am I right. Pull a gustholomule so I can stay delusional.

If anything and I mean ANYTHING HAPPENS TO YASAMMY IM THROWING ROCKS. NO ONE IS DYING THEY ARE LITERALLY IMMORTAL. IT CAN'T JUST BE THE WHITE CHARACTERS WHO CHEAT DEATH.

WTF did Ben keep it a secret that Brooklyns alive?? Delusional version: He doesn't want his chances with Darius to blow....ahahahaha. Real version: He doesn't want his friends to be upset with how much Brook has changed. Or their grief to be invalidated. Or for them to give her a chance when she has changed so much in a very not moral way. Welp. Maybe he just feels like Brook kept it a secret for a reason, and I might as well not call her out. Anywho you guys help me too. I'm insane.

Bye guys. Stay prehistoric!!!!💚🤎🦕

[lovemyromance]

your posts are literally the elriel bible, I don't think i've disagreed with a single one.

In general, elriels agree on a lot of things which is why it's so odd to find EL/GAs fighting with themselves over "elriels say elains gonna be a warrior" and "elriels say elain's gonna save illyria" because I have never EVER seen a single elriel say such a thing. I saw a long post from some elucien about how elriels self-insert and then they listed a long list of things about what canon elain is - except i don't think elriels would even disagree with what they were saying?

It got kind of muddy when they started trying to claim that "canonically azriel only lusts after elain" but whatever - you get the point. Why are they putting words in our mouths?

Thank you :) I know I always excessively post about elriel (because I'm pretty sure I have the attention span of a squirrel), but some days these petty arguments really make my eye twitch.

Idk why antis seem to think Elriels want Elain to be some warrior, savior of Illyria, High Queen type character. I thought we've all been pretty vocal in wanting to keep her femininity and her kindness and finding strength in her compassion.

If it's because the fanarts....well I think we've all established that nobody is really claiming fanarts to be canon. I think that goes without saying when we have fanart of an Elriel family with Illyrian offspring - or when Eluciens have fanart of Elain looking happy around Lucien lmao. Both are not canon. Who cares - it's fanart? It's not like we really going to pretend that all their fanart is canon either?

Because canonically - Elain can't stand Lucien. Canonically, Azriel has literally never touched Gwyn.

There are basic traits to these characters that nobody can deny. But the antis always have a way of adding additional, personal bias into things. They say Elain's not a warrior - cool, that's true, that's canon – but then they take it a step too far and try to claim its canon that she abhors all violence and she would never touch a dagger and she would hate Azriel because he's a warrior.

Canonically, Elain killed the fucking King of Hybern. She might not crave violence (oh- also what an odd thing to claim - that ANY character loves violence, btw), but she has already proven to be violent when needed.

Canonically, Elain does use a dagger. Not just any dagger - Truthteller.

Nobody's saying she out here training as a Valkyrie at the HOW - but she's not just sitting here in frolicking in a meadow while the rest of her friends and family go to war. She was literally taken AWAY from the main battle in ACOWAR and she still showed back up to pull the most badass move in the books, saving everyone.

Idk what about that is so hard to understand. No Elriel has said she's gonna save Illyria (lol), no one has claimed she's going to be Enalius the Second, nobody is out here waiting for her to take part in the BR and also become a Carthyian.

Elriels like Elain as she is. And even though she's not a warrior, even though she doesn't enjoy violence, even though she isn't a Cartyhian – Azriel still adores her. Azriel still wants her enough to question his religion. That's literally in the books. I can give you the exact page number and quote. I don't need to do any "extra analysis"

You want to talk about canon? Let's talk about how Elain is so perfect that she has even the most brooding warrior falling for her. Let's talk about how Azriel was willing to fight in a blood duel for her. Let's talk about how she was so ready to have a tryst with the Spymaster under everyone's watchful eyes.

We don't need to change anything about Elain, certainly not to have her end up with Azriel. Elriel having feelings for each other is already canon. Elriels did not have to change a single thing about them for them to find each other. That was SJM, so take it up with her.

I mean - she kind of ate when she summed up their relationship in ACOWAR with that scene in the garden...they might not make sense on paper but there's something poetic about them

[magicalmanhattanproject]

okay i have to talk about my obscure blorbo fíriel ondoheriel. literally no one cares about her except me. not even tolkien cares about her. she has Zero canon traits. no personality, no physical appearance, not even a death date. here's what we know about her

in 1940 TA, Arvedui, then-prince of Arthedain* marries Fíriel, daughter of King Ondoher of Gondor, uniting the two realms after a long estrangement

[loads up Tolkien Gateway to cross check dates] HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS

in 1938 TA, Aranarth, eldest son of Arvedui is born. Now, if we're being real with ourselves, Jirt made an oopsie here and no one caught it. But, no one caught it and the only numbers we have are Aranarth, son of Arvedui, is born in 1938 and Arvedui marries Fíriel in 1940.

So, like, what's up there? Did Arvedui and Fíriel meet before their wedding and elope? Was Aranarth born in Gondor and hidden to protect Fíriel's reputation? Or did Fíriel have to make an excuse to stay in Arthedain and hide her pregnancy and then abandon her child until a proper marriage could be arranged? Was Arvedui married to someone else first and a widower? Was Fíriel a second wife and a stepmother to the real heir? Was Aranarth a bastard and Fíriel brought in to produce the real heir? Had Fíriel ever left home before? Did she have any feelings about being sent away from her whole family to be a queen for a man who already had an heir? Did she have a child she had to travel with? That she was desperate to reunite with? That she wanted nothing to do with? Did she love travel? Hate it? How did she feel about Gondor? Arthedain? We don't know. Tolkien doesn't care.

Anyway, back to what I already knew about.

in 1944 TA, Ondoher and both his sons are killed in the invasion of the Wainriders.

How does Fíriel feel about this? What's her relationship with her father like? Her brothers? Presumably she has a mother in there somewhere too? We don't know. Tolkien doesn't care.

Now, the doozy.

later in 1944 TA, Arvedui sends messages to Gondor claiming the throne both as a descendant of Isildur and as the husband of Fíriel, who would have been ruling queen according to Númenorean law.**

How does Fíriel feel about that? How does Fíriel feel about claiming the throne of her father and her brothers and her homeland through her blood for himself? We don't know. Tolkien doesn't care.

This is the last mention of Fíriel in the text. We don't know what happens to her after this. Maybe she trips and falls down the stairs the very next day. Maybe she lives a long life and dies of old age in her sleep. We don't know. We know what happens to her family though and it's not pretty.

Arvedui ascends to the throne of Arthedain in 1964 with the realm already struggling under invasion from Angmar. In 1974, the Witch-King invades and captures the capital of Fornost. Arvedui escapes to the Ice Bay of Forochel where he is aided by the locals over the bitter winter. Aranarth, a young man at this point, gets word to Círdan that his father is stranded there and Círdan sends a ship to bring them aid. When the ship arrives, Arvedui wants to leave immediately, but the locals warn him against leaving, saying that the Witch-King's power wanes in the summer and the bay is too dangerous.

Let's backtrack a moment. The name Arvedui means "last-king" and was given to him at his birth by Malbeth the Seer. Though, the seer said, "a choice well come to the Dúnedain, and if they take the one that seems less hopeful, then your son will change his name and become ruler of a great realm."

Arvedui does not. He takes the ship Círdan sent, which is sunk in an ice storm. Arthedain falls. Aranarth becomes the first Chieftain of the Rangers.

There's one last piece to all this. Name meanings. Tolkien likes them. I was looking through canon name meanings for OC names and I decided to check Fíriel out and I got fucking flashbanged.

See, something you gotta remember about the descendants of Elros is that a lot of them resent his choice. It's said that the line of Gondor failed because the kings were too busy contemplating immortality and their ancestors to look to the future and have heirs of their own. That's maybe not fair to the kings whose lines failed, but it's certainly a trait they all share.

So, what does Fíriel mean?

Mortal Maid

Look at everything else about her and everything that happened to everyone she loved and realize that she was born to the name She Will Die

How did she feel about that? We don't know. But I want to.

*The northern kingdom of Arnor had long ago split into three kingdoms. Arthedain is the one from which the eldest and true line of descent from Elendil continued. The other two had already fallen by this point.

**For the record, Ondoher was the 31st king of Gondor and somehow the issue of a ruling queen has not been litigated before now. Not a single time in the past 30 generations has a daughter been the eldest child or only available heir. That... stretches plausibility. This is easily explained by Tolkien forgetting that women exist until they become immediately plot relevant, but it certainly gestures in the direction of things about Gondorian kings that are rather unflattering.

[vandal-flower]

Great Power Comes with No Responsibilities

Ror men with a powerful but lazy s/o.

Requested by 🦅 anon.

Characters: Qin Shi Huang, Jack the Ripper, Buddha and Loki.

Warnings: A bit of angst in Jack's part. 😶

Notes: Do you think I wrote too much this time?

Scenario:

"Female god reader who is extremely powerful but lazy , lazy in the means she liked to lie down and sleep a lot , if she wants to she could kill zeus and she can be really intimidating but shes soft around them."

Qin Shi Huang

He didn't even notice you were a god.

You looked too exhausted to function, and yet you were ready to fight whomever tried to harm him.

He would take care of any obstacles that would dare present itself to him, but he loves how you sort the situation than he does.

There were times where you offered to lift his curse, but he declined.

According to him, if he as an emperor could not endure this curse, how could he rule a nation.

You haven't heard such wise words from anyone else before. You smile at him, and gently give him a kiss on his head.

No one dares to challenge either of you as they fear the both individually.

In private, he declares his love and loyalty for you, as the two of you embrace each other.

"Even if the Heavens dare to object our love, we'll remain ontop."

Jack the Ripper

He's honestly surprised how someone like you could love a man like him.

He has faced many hardships, threats and much more from people who knew him and those who don't.

However, when it comes to you, he can't help but cry a little at the smallest hint of love and kindness someone has ever given him.

Someone who is even more powerful than Zeus himself. Despite your intimidating nature, he finds it soothing.

Especially when you are so soft around him. He often wonders what he did to be loved and cherished by someone like you.

Many wanted to end his life even before he fought Hercules. He is very thankful that you continue to defend him even with your reputation at stake.

You often don't mind defending him against the other gods, after all he is your lover.

It's unknown how you two got together, but it does not matter as the two of you are head over heels for each other. (Good for you.)

"I don't know what I did to have to have you in my life, but I promise to cherish our time forever my dear."

Buddha

My guy here is taking advantage of the whole situation.

You can't blame him though, he is literally in a relationship with someone who is as strong, if not stronger than a primordial god!

Many wonder how in the world did you end up with someone like him, but seeing how lazy you are, it makes sense.

Often times, when Zeus threatens to punish him, you put Zeus in his place, promising an eternity of pain should he ever hurt your lover.

The smirk on his face says it all. (Me too.)

He is happy at the fact that even though you are powerful enough to defeat Zeus, or any chief god, you don't get arrogant.

Despite how powerful you are, he treats you the same way he treats everyone, just with more affection.

You bet he's telling Jataka about you, and how much he loves you!

"Thanks for taking care of the other gods for me. I'll cuddle you later if you want honeybun."

Loki

Another one on the list of taking advantage of this, however to an even greater degree. (What did you expect?)

Whenever he pranks Thor or Odin, he immediately runs to you. The two can't do anything but give him a death glare.

He's busy giggling his bum off behind your back, as you wake up from your nap and question who woke you up.

He often questions you if Zeus truly is the Grandfather of the Cosmos. To which you reply an exhausted, "No, it's only because he is powerful and looks older than he is."

At first he thought you were a demigod due to how sluggish you were acting. But quickly straightened up after seeing Zeus treat you with more respect than anyone.

He tried pranking you, but you were too tired to notice anything. And when you did notice, it backfired on him, resulting to him being confined in the emergency room.

He definitely thinks you're weird and has voiced this, but knows you won't care either way. He also tries to get a reaction from you.

He likes telling you the latest stories (or gossip) from the Heavens. You sometimes stay awake just to hear them.

"Apparently there was a rumors spreading around about Aphrodite's beauty salon."

I probably wrote too much didn't I.

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