#relationshisps

[punch-love]

always annoys me a little when I get a comment that's like "I can't believe these two idiots haven't figured it out yet!" like you can't believe that these two aren't able to view their lives and interpersonal connections through a third pov? that's uh. how stories are told....?

[dreamsofanenbysapphic]

arospec

a poem(?), a collection of ideas, things i have been thinking about, about relationships and the platonic/romantic binary

some citations:

arospec wiki sources, amatonormativity, instructional manifesto for relationship anarchy, my favorite poem by alok vaid-menon, aromantic manifesto, amatopunk

full text below the cut:

screenshotted text from various sources over a galaxy background, spread across two images:

arospec, is an umbrella term

People on the aromantic spectrum may feel little to no romantic attraction, or feel romantic attraction differently, more rarely or

Loveless Aro describes someone who is some way disconnected from the concept of love, rejects the idea that they need to experience love

Quoiromantic (also called WTFromantic experiences may include:

Finding the concept of romance to be inaccessible, inapplicable, or nonsensical.

the questioning itself

becomes the identity

Disidentifying with the concept of romantic attraction - either as a social construct or as something potentially applicable to oneself.

a disidentification with the romantic/nonromantic binary,

They may consider themselves relationship anarchists.

Amatonormativity

to describe the widespread assumption that everyone is better off in an exclusive, romantic, long-term coupled relationship, and that everyone is seeking such a relationship.

[elizabeth brake]

Due to the ambiguous nature of romantic attraction, sometimes defined by the actions that one takes during a relationship, such as holding hands, kissing, or cuddling. However, none of these activities alone necessarily indicate romantic attraction.

The prefix nebula- comes from the Latin word nebulous, meaning "clouded" or "unclear".

Queerplatonic relationships (QPR) and queerplatonic partnerships (QPP) are committed intimate relationshisp which are not romantic

This way of thinking is also one that places certain relationships above others, such as Romantic relationships being viewed as 'above' or 'superior' to Platonic relationships. If two people are dating they are 'more than friends'. If they aren't dating then they're 'just friends'.

Amatonormativity prompts the sacrifice of other relationships to romantic love and marriage and relegates friendship and solitudinousness to cultural invisibility.

Amatopunk!

challenges amatonormativity, and how society views aspec people, polyamorous people, and others who do not fit into the "right" mold.

Relationship Anarchy (abbreviated RA) is the belief that relationships should not be bound by set rules, aside from the rules the individuals involved mutually agree upon.

sensualarians have relationships that are often "in between" typical relationships categories, whereas relationship anarchy completely breaks down all relationship categories

Relationship anarchy questions the idea that love is a limited resource

i want a world where friendship is appreciated as a form of romance. i want a world where when people ask if we are seeing anyone we can list the names of all of our best friends

[alok vaid-menon, friendship is romance]

queer liberation must abolish romance as its long term goal aromantics aspire to:

view queer intimacies as web-like counter-publics that reinforce rather than compete with and enervate each other.

transform queer intimacy into political solidarity and action.

[aromantic manifesto]

Relationship anarchy (sometimes abbreviated RA) is the application of anarchist principles to intimate relationships. Its values include autonomy, anti-hierarchical practices, anti-normativity, and community interdependence. RA is explicitly anti-amatonormative and anti-mononormative and is commonly, but not always, non-monogamous.

With one's relationships starting as a blank slate, the act of distributing physical intimacy, sexual intimacy, emotional intimacy, etc. is according to one's desires rather than preexisting "rules"

Queerness is a longing that propels us onward, beyond romances of the negative and toiling in the present. Queerness is that thing that lets us feel that this world is not enough, that indeed something is missing.

[josé estabon muñoz, cruising utopia]

[ranchthoughts]

Thai QL Favorites Tag Game

Tagged by @telomeke, @chickenstrangers, and @wen-kexing-apologist (thanks!! <3)

Credit also: this game was created by @thatgirl4815 as Thai BL Favorites Tag Game.

Once again, I am forced to make decisions (!!) about media... this is so hard.

Favourite Thai QL:

Bad Buddy was made for me in a lab I think, the way it checks all my boxes. I also have a deep enduring love for MSP.

Favourite Pairing:

(Like many others, interpreting this as favourite pair of fictional characters) Pat and Pran's dynamic is everything to me. The teasing, the understanding, the care, the commitment to the bit...

Most Underrated Actor:

I do not feel qualified to discuss the quality of acting, nor whether or not people are underrated... but I will throw my hat in the ring for Fluke Pusit (he does what he needs to do! Would be interesting to see him anchor a series like Gawin has gotten to with Be My Favourite)... and pretty much every woman ever in a BL.

Favourite Character:

Oof oof oof. So many are near and dear to my heart. The ones who occupy the most brain space are Pat (Bad Buddy), Gun (MSP), and Li Ming (Moonlight Chicken).

Favourite Side Character:

Sending love to Li Ming (technically a side character?). Ink from Bad Buddy; love her, love her relationshisp with the other characters. I also was unreasonably delighted by Sky (as someone who didn't vibe with most of the rest of SCOY).

Favourite Scene:

Completing this tag game is teaching me I need to keep detailed lists of everything, because I forget.

Bad Buddy ep 5 fight scene and rooftop confession scene, of course. Thanks to @chickenstrangers for reminding me about my beloved, the ep 11 Chinzhilla fight scene in MSP (the emotions were perfect, everyone was acting their hearts out, I've rewatched this sequence in isolation multiple times).

Ooh also @kattahj reminded me of how much I love the scenes with Li Ming and Jim in Moonlight Chicken - the rage, the love, the passing of the torch...

And @lurkingshan reminded me of the sniffing scene in ITSAY... god the atmosphere and ambience and TENSION was out of this world. The scene of Teh and Ohaew airing out their feelings in the hammock is another amazing scene.

Shout out also to any and all scenes involving Vee and Dome in You're My Sky, especially the hands scene and the looking across the river scene. Love that they just kept starring in short queer films.

Favourite Line:

I'm not the type of person who notes specific lines of dialogue (and if I do, I rarely remember them for things like this).

The ones that stick with me thus are those that get repeated a lot by others - Pat and Pran's "Do you want to be friends?" "No" and "You've got to stop doing this to me" are powerful and so revealing about the characters and their dynamic. Shout out also to @wen-kexing-apologist 's list of lines about being weak around each other, those are always sweet.

Most Anticipated:

Only Friends. Mixing pairs? 👀 Sluts? 👀 First and Khaotung AND Neo AND Mark AND Force and Book? 👀

Healthiest Relationship:

Pat and Pran - their balance between bits and genuine care is wonderful

Tinn and Gun - sweethearts fumbling their way into their first relationship, with a maturity beyond their years

Most Toxic Relationship:

I mean, there's a lot of relationships in QLs that I don't think would work all that well in real life, but I do tend to suspend my disbelief while watching the shows and thus can't think of many examples now.

I mean, VegasPete is not what one would consider "healthy" and neither are TharnType... not a huge fan of the convoluted lies or inequalities the relationships of AkkTheo (Enchanté) or PuenTalay (Vice Versa) are born from... ?

Guilty Pleasure:

I like taking pieces I like out of every show I watch, regardless of quality or how "problematic" it is, so I don't really feel guilty about any of them? Shows that are controversial or oft-disliked by others that I latched on to in some way: Enchanté, Vice Versa, The Shipper (wait, is that QL?)

Most Underrated:

I mean, everyone has said it but: He's Coming to Me

I'm also going to throw my hat in the ring for You're My Sky - people are talking about this on the dash now and I'm very happy

I think pretty much everyone has done this game at this point, but if you haven't, here is your open invitation to do so! Love to see what people think

[cacaitos]

(setting lhc aside for the moment) well, let's get out of the way the long overdue thoughts on blue period, mostly for the sake of further conversation. (mucho texto tw)

clearly i lost the peak on popularity and attention it had and at this point, if you've heard it's good in that good taste gang type of animanga fan voice, well yeah it is. i gots nothing new to say on that regard. if anything the tone and artstyle were the differentiating factors from the outside impression i got from it, not so much on the big strokes (like the spokon-like sense of urgency and vigor, but that's serious enough that people seem to express being moved in specific ways).

those things i get- but tsubasa's incredibly thin and sinuous line art, and her high contrast, flatter use of shadows (and inking)- i think were the ones that best ended up portraying yatora's feelings. in my opinion, the greatest feeling i got all through reading BP was tension, a certain uneasyness. now BP isn't necessarily a downer series- it's got its consistent sense of optimism and interpersonal warmess- but it ambients always have a certain air of loneliness, coldness, the aforementioned uneasyness and sensation that there's always Something- that something is gonna happen or that something is lurking aorund- that sort of feeling yk?

the lineart, to me, makes me think of asumiko nakamura's and her bodies that- while they do evidence her skill with the line and detail- at moments feel almost grotesque or sort of uncomfortable to look at, at least. tsubasa's even thiner lines, while she doesnt get to the point of nakamura (and im not saying she was inspired by nakamura. dunno if she's that popular to inspire people like that), make her characters- their expressions and body, look even more fragile, like a balloon about to burst, a thin skin.

clearly a lot of the time is dedicated to make understand that yatora is less of a social butterfly, much more shyer, more sensitive, more concerned and aimless than he might seem at first glance. much more fragile, in personality and identity, than he might have thought of himself. within the undercurrent of all the takes in the manga of what makes good art, or a good artist, as an extension of the many ways one can define one's idenity and relationshisps with others, i cannot really tell you which is more true or anything like that... but what i do feel is that in yatora's pursuit to find out, more often than not, what he results in is alienating himself from others (from the abovementioned traits). now, obviously some stories about identity do end up having similarly arduous and downer types of arcs but usually more on the Relationships Are Dificult angle than the stressful part being the action itself of selfdiscovering, an stress of the Individual. i said in my LB that if you told me BP was a cautionary tale i would believe you (half joking tbh), mostly refering to this seemingly (in my opinionnnn) downward emotional arc yatora seems to be going into so far in the story. i understand it's not necessarily a bad thing it's *happening* bc some parts are just gonna be tough and can ease with time, but it's nonetheless a fact that it *is* happening and feels bad.

closing, with the paragraphs stating how i feel about the art and specifying the uneasyness, and the above part on yatora now i think i can elaborate on why the former complements the latter, though it's probably apparent by now. yes the loneliness of shadows felt the strongest as the gedai exam approached and yatora's physical state worsened against his loved ones preocupation, and on the cold room he was in with yuka. the same room they did their self portraits and the odd lineart shows us as awkward as yatora (or yuka, anyway) sees himself (following the theme of identity etc). yes it's stressing to wonder if he passed and relaxing when he did, but the tone hasnt changed one bit. *here*, when he does get to gedai is that the real uneasyness starts and contrary to the clear objective or urgency of the exam, there's not really anything that allows for that tension to be released. nothing bad is happening and being a bit hurt is part of the process, yes; he as many others does have to learn to take critiques and not break down as easily, yes; but the tension persists.

it is a style that portrays very closely his sense of aimlessness of coming of age, of profession, imo. of shallow accomplishment -not bad- but rather non-cathartic. at the verge, and never quite there, of an emotion. of course we're in the middle of the story i assume so it's not like i find the sense of unreleased tension comes out of nowhere if anything particularly important happens, but also there's just a certain reality to that sort of static state.

but while yatora's spirits seem to go progressively down while relatively good things happen to/around him, and he seems to.. administrate his emotions better or at least neutralize them, all i can worry about is something like the exam rash happening again. a combination of his alienating tendencies and unexamined, unattended personal and honest feelings and needs. hence why i mention the neverending sense of tension so much, bc now what was limited by the Event creeps much more slower and all the time as he navigates this part of the story where he's much more heavily scrutinized.

[algumaideia]

Octavian Headcanons

I have more headcanons then I thought... like way more...

It is kind of organized. Also some headcanos are literally just the titles.

Octavian Headcanons

PJO/HOO AU- Part 1

PJO/HOO AU- Part 2

Octavian’s relationships

Octavian is not homophobic

How Octavian declared his love to Michael

Octavian would love Dorian Gray

Octavian and Agatha Christie

Octavian and Michael after he recovers from HoO

Octavian being weird

Octavian "helping" Will in the infermary

Octavian is good at chess

Octavian is autistic coded

Reyna grieving Octavian

Octaviand how he cannot be a "true roman"

Octavian and his relationshisps 2

Apollo and Octavian

Octavina and binders

Octavian, Nico, Dakota and Leo are friends

Michael, Octavian and bullying.

Alex and Octavian finding common ground

How Alex and Octavian met

Octavian and ballet

Octavian doesn't know how to cook

Shitty ideas about Octavian and his relationship with other cohorts

If Octavian was a well written character

Octavian, social skills and why people hate him

Octavian and Morte e Vida Severina

Octavian, Reyna and/or Jason

How Octavian discovered Jason died

Octavian and his relationships

Who Octavian was closer to

Not really ideas about what they did when they were younger

Octavian and Reyna Headcanons

Musics about Octavian

Goodbye by Ransom

One by Three Dog Night

Octavian, Lana Del Ray and The Mountain Goats

Octavian and Nico Friendship

Introduction

Kind of analysis of their conversation in BoO

They + Ethan and Tyson

Special Interests

Nico and ghost!Octavian

Octavian, Nico and being invisible

Octavian, Nico and How to train your dragon

Octavian and Dakota headcanons

Octavian and Dakota are messed up 2

How they became friends

[mvlkavian]

anyone know of a way to just delete a relationship with ONE sim using MCCC.... lets just say my friend accidentally messed up and made her sims gf her sister and now we are dealing with the fallout of that

we tried just deleteing the relationship with the girl but that did nothing because she has brothers/dad. trying now to add relationshisp with THEM and deleting it as well....... but any pro tips appreciated...

[somynameisbella]

new year, 2020

got a new years kiss from my boyfriend <333

[highlifeboat]

Zoe: You're not-You're not married! You don't even have a girlfriend!

Lucas: Why would I want a woman in my life?

[elle-smells]

listen I don't doubt for one second that Peter and Jason loved each other but damn they really had so much individual inner conflict that they took out on each other in those last 5 months and really let it all downfall

[mypreciousrosebudboy]

elementary is the best sherlock holmes adaption. this is a an objective fact no further comments

[redrreign]

didnt do my hw today bc i was too busy goin nuts over my ocs relationship dynamics

[movisual]

just want a cute girl to kiss me on the neck is that so much to fucking ask

[fendi-noir]

Do you guys ever questioning whether your friends are sincere to you? I rarely meet my friends these days and as I grow I've been thinking about this a lot lately..

[linkspooky]

Yuji, Alone. 

I have been saying in my past few meta that Yuji has a really unhealthy way of viewing both himself, and his relationships with others. Yuji is excellent at reading the feelings of others and empathizing with them, and at the same time terrible at processing his own emotions, a trait he shares with Geto who he is once again paralleling this chapter by choosing to stew in isolation rather than reach out for support. 

Chapter 138 does an excellent job of showing how deep these issues run, which I will explain under the cut. 

1. Yuji and Geto

If I were to explain the unhealthy mindset Yuji has by simplifying it down to one sentenence, simply stated it would be “I want to help others, but I don’t want to accept help from other people.” 

Both Yuji and Geto are so motivated by empathy they feel like they are responsible for solving other people’s problems, and they often use other people rather than themselves as a reason to move. They’re actually selfless to a fault. In that, it’s a problem in their behavior. They do everything they do for other peope, so they have no idea what they themselves want. If Gojo is someone who has a strong self image, a strong set of beliefs, an idea of what he wants to do to the world, Geto and Yuji are people who try not to think about themselves at all. 

Not only does Yuji almost never critically exam his own motivations, but he also doesn’t think of his relationships with other people. 

This is something Yaga pointed out as a danger with Yuji’s way of going about things, all the way at the beginning of his arc. If you’re doing it because your grandpa told you so, then is it really something you want to do? When you die, is it going to be your grandpa’s fault too?

Yuji is someone who seems selfless on the surface, and to an extent he is, but just like Geto that’s not all there is to him. It’s something Gojo called out early on, Geto presented himself as someone selfless, motivated entirely by using his powers to protect others, but he was also doing so self righteously. 

To clarify what I mean by self righteous, Geto believed that he was doing something because it was the objective right thing to do, but actually it was just his own personal feelings. That’s why after Riko’s death forced him to critically examine himself, he realized he didn’t want to follow the rules of Jujutsu Society. 

Both Yuji and Geto pay attention to others, but also have the blinders on in regards to themselves, and that’s the parallel right there. Yuji says he is doing these things for other people, that his number one priority is to save them but that motivation is even deconstructed in the third chapter.

Yuji’s not actually doing this for purely altruistic reasons, but for selfish ones. He wanted to do something that nobody else could do. Yuji’s life was like a vaccuum before this point. He didn’t have any real friends, or anything he wanted to do. Suddenly he had a purpose basically gift wrapped and handed to him on his lap. 

Basically, Yuji and Geto both have this schewed way of seeing other people. They thing other people exist to validate their own existences. 

To put it simply. If Hidden Inventory Geto helps weak people than he’s valid. If Yuji helps people, then he’s valid. 

Not only is the way they view themselves built around how they help other people, but at the same time all of their relationships are built up on this as well. Relationships that are built upon shaky foundations will crumble apart easily when tested. 

Geto’s most important relationship was with Gojo, they had an intense chemistry and interaction with one another like they were made for each other. They were both good at naturally balancing each other out, Geto was the one who stood up to Gojo and acted like a tether, and Gojo ackonwledged Geto as his one and only. 

However, the relationship was also built on the idea that Gojo needed Geto. Geto was only able to view his relationships with other people in that way. Geto, wants to take care of people, wants to help people. However, eventually, he was left behind by Gojo who no longer needed him as a partner in combat. On top of that, Geto awoke to a higher purpose in ridding the world of cursed energy. Geto wants to be needed by somebody in the same sense that Yuji does, so for Geto at least being needed to save the whole world in his eyes, was just more important than maintaining his relationship with Gojo. 

Which is why both Geto and Yuji’s relationships fall apart. They are great at making relationshisps, but not at maintaining them. Attention is drawn to the fact that the trio has great chemistry with each other and get along well, but they’re also terrible at communicating with each other. 

"The seats... in my life... How should I put this? I don't want my heart to be affected by people who don't have a place there. Does that sound cold? Well, I guess there are also guys like you who brings their own chair and takes a seat." Translation by Miho.

Almost literally, I don’t want anyone who’s not a part of my life to try to talk to me or tell me what to do. Also the reference that Yuji is kind of different because Yuji just kind of walked into her life unannounced and invited himself there (this is how Yuji forms relationships with everyone.)

All three of them go behind each other’s backs and keep secrets from one another. All three of them avoid direct confrontation, Nobara even says she doesn’t really want anyone else even trying to tell her how to live her life. The Origin of Obedience arc shows that Nobara, Yuji and Megumi are all good at fighting together as a team, but also questioning if they have a healthy friendship outside of that?

Any relationship takes work, confrontation, arguments and even just plain old talking about things. However, someone who is primarily insecure in their relationships will not be able to do things.  Couples shouldn’t only argue, but couples who never argue is just as unhealthy. If you are so afraid that one argument is going to end a relationship, then your relationship was fragile to begin with. 

Yuji and Geto experience conditional relatinoships. In the sense that, they are only allowed to have friends, if they are helpful to those friends. They themselves are never allowed to ask for help. It’s true that Gojo was kind of blind to Geto’s faults, but also Geto would have never asked for help. Gojo could not see, and Geto deliberately hid things from them. 

Geto always makes his relationships on the condition that he is needed. When Gojo grew more independent, Geto took that as a sign that Gojo didn’t need him anymore and deliberately started to pull away.

Because, Geto isn’t ever allowed to be the one who needs someone else. 

2. Avoidant Attachment

This is just a personal theory of mine, but I think Yuji’s issues might even center around the psychological idea of attachment theory. Especially it’s since deliberately mentioned to Junpei, that Yuji never met his mother. 

Attachment theory is a complex idea, but basically it states that attachment to other people, that is the idea to form healthy relationships with family members, friends, romantic partners is learned instead of naturally present in us. It’s a skill people develop in their formative years. 

Those who show patterns of problematic attachment in childhood will continue the behavior into adulthood unless it’s corrected, because attachment is a skill that’s developed the same as anything else. Of the four categories, Yuji and Geto most resemble this one. 

Avoidant attachment: Children with an avoidant attachment tend to avoid parents or caregivers, showing no preference between a caregiver and a complete stranger. This attachment style might be a result of abusive or neglectful caregivers. Children who are punished for relying on a caregiver will learn to avoid seeking help in the future.

Which goes further to explain how they can be so empathic towards other people, and yet the same time completely unable to maintain close relationships with them. It’s because, they avoid people at the same time. They don’t seek out help when they need it, because, deep down they view themselves as unworthy of the help. 

Geto did not immediately break after the trauma of losing Riko, it was the year of isolation after that where he slowly was consumed by his regrets. Geto got worse and worse over a period of time because he couldn’t handle his trauma in any healthy way, until he just completely snapped. 

During that time he asked himself the same questions over and over again, but Geto wasn’t able to find any kind of healthy answer to his questions because, he didn’t reach out for anybody. It wasn’t just the trauma, it was the behavior after the trauma, the decision to isolate himself for over a year. No one does well in isolation. You need other people to grow or develop. If anything Geto stagnated. Geto’s central flaw was his self-righteousness. Rather than realizing he was wrong and trying to change this flaw of his, he just doubles down and becomes even more self righteous. He goes from believing he’s responsible for protecting all the weak people, to believing he’s a superior being tasked with eliminating all the weak people in the world. So, it’s not really that Geto changed, moreso that he stagnated because he cut off all his relationships with other people. 

And isn’t Yuji doing the exact same thing right now? Yaga even points out this similaritiy between Geto and Yuji, that they try to carry every regret and burden they have on their own. 

It’s not out of selflessness that they do this though, but rather insecurity. Geto didn’t come to Gojo with his problems, because he wanted to be the strongest alongside Gojo he didn’t want to be weak. He was deliberately avoiding Gojo. 

I think it’s important to establish that Yuji wasn’t abandoned by his friends this chapter. Yuji is alone, because he chose to be alone. He’s alone because he’s avoiding both of his friends, because he’s so, so afraid the friendship will end because it’s based entirely on the condition that he be a helpful, good person.

It’s true that Yuji is genuinely worried about his friends getting hurt because of him, but look at his choices. He’s not really tackling the problem in a healthy way. He’s doing everything he can to avoid the problem, isolating himself, and just trying not to think about things. He could try to talk with Megumi and find a solution, but he’s not doing that because he’s insecure in his attachment to others. 

I think his reaction to Choso pretty clearly illustrates this too. Yuji isn’t around his friends because he doesn’t want to be around them. Which is tragic, because Yuji is holding himself responsible for the mass murder which isn’t really his fault. However, Yuji saw his relationship with both Nobara and Megumi as conditional to begin with. He can only be friends with people he can help, and he can never receive help from them. It’s unhealthy to start with because relationships go both ways. Yuji is also, completely unresponsive to Choso.

Yes. Choso suddenly walking to him and delcaring them brothers is really weird.  I don’t expect Yuji to just suddenly start getting along with him right away.

At the same time, Choso explains what the unconditional love between family is between Yuji, and Yuji just doesn’t get it, because he either hasn’t experienced enough of it, or his grandpa the only person that ever unconditionally loved him is gone. Yuji can’t understand Megumi’s love for him is unconditional,. because from the beginning he sees all relationships as conditional. 

Yuji and Choso are facing opposite direcitons because they’re opposites. Choso is willing to hurt complete strangers too, but his love for his family is unconditional and he will do anything for them. Yuji will help complete strangers, but, he doesn’t really understand unconditional love, and even his love with his closest friends has a few conditions. 

Which is why someone who appears on the surface as such a friendly guy who makes friends everywhere he goes, can call himself “a loner” because in Yuji’s mind he is. He doesn’t have friends, he has people who need him. 

Which is just incredibly sad because Yuji doesn’t understand this. Yuji isolates himself thinking he’s doing it for the sake of his friends, but neither Megumi nor Nobara would want him to be alone. 

[sapiowoman28]

Whipped Part 3: Don't do relationships

Pairing: Jeno x May

Genre: friends to lovers au, fluff, angst, smut - though this chapter has no smut.

Warnings: use of demeaning words against a woman, mentions of oral sex

He told himself not to do it, but he turned up at her house the next morning anyway. He just wanted to make sure she was ok.

"Are you stalking me now Jeno?" she asked, half amused.

He scratched the back of his neck, at a loss for words.

"I thought you might want to hang out or something." he shrugged.

"I've got class at 11am. And apparently, so do you, cos you're in the same class." she reminded him. "Do i need to hire you a secretary to make sure you don't forget your schedule?"

He let out a nervous laugh as she wore her jacket.

"Let's go!" she said, smiling. "Drive us to campus Mr Lee!"

He was relieved she was in a much better mood today.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked as she got into the car.

"Like what?" he looked away, embarrassed to have been caught looking at her.

She didn't answer, choosing instead to buckle up. He started the engine, freezing as he felt her hand on his knee. Slowly he relaxed. As he drove, she kept her hand there. Occasionally, he took hold of it to squeeze it. She hummed a tune contentedly. The ride was a silent but comfortable one.

Class was boring. He couldn't focus one bit with her by his side. Occasionally she turned to smile at him, her eyes twinkly and her face bright like the sun. He longed to touch her again. To hold her and feel her and hear her moans. But they were stuck at least for the rest of the day on campus.

They decided to go for lunch together. She took his hand, like it was the most natural thing on earth. He held it tight. He could feel people watching as they walked hand in hand to the cafetaria, but he didn't care. Her hand felt small in his, but warm and comforting.

"Jeno?"

"Hmm?"

"Why are we holding hands?" she asked.

"You held my hand first!" he protested. "So why are you asking me?"

"Shall i let go?" she asked teasingly "I can let go if you want."

"Don't!" he said, almost too quickly. "I... I like holding your hand."

She giggled. Till suddenly someone bumped into her from behind.

"Hey!" she protested. "Are you blind?"

The guy turned around. It was one of them from the frat. She rolled her eyes.

"You again." she said.

"Whore." he hissed.

"Hey!" Jeno raised his voice, pushing the guys shoulder.

"What? You gonna beat me up over this slut?"

It happened fast - Jeno grabbed him by the collar, delivering a punch that caused him to stumble backward, his nose starting to bleed.

"You wanna fight?" he lurched back despite blood dripping down his face. Jeno grabbed him by the shoulders, attempting to hurl him to the ground.

"Come on, man! Stop it!" Lucas out of nowhere came between them, using his size and strength to shove them apart.

"You just watch!" the frat boy said, before moving quickly towards the toilet, leaving a trail of blood behind him.

Lucas patted Jeno's shoulder. "Relax! Nothing to fight about."

He turned to look around, but she was gone. She had never liked violence. He knew he was in trouble now.

"Thanks man," Jeno nodded at Lucas, picking up his backpack. He had to go look for her. And he figured he knew where she would be.

He found her at the usual place behind the library, where people secretly went to smoke. She sat on one of the benches, her headphones on, her eyes closed. He touched her face. Her eyes opened, and seeing that it was him, she took off her headphones.

"You ok?" he asked.

"Maybe i should be asking you." she said.

"I didn't mean to..."

"We've been best friends for five years now. You know how i feel about fights." she said, disappointment laced in her voice. He shifted uncomfortably.

"Nobody has the right to treat you the way he did." he mumbled.

She sighed. "But maybe he's right. I am the campus whore. My body count is ridiculous. Everyone thinks giving blowjobs is my hobby."

"You're more than that, May. I know it and so do you." Jeno bit his lip.

She looked away.

"What happened to snarky May? The one who teamed up with me to irritate Haechan? Where's the kickass gal i know?" he held her face, forcing her to look at him. Her eyes were filled with tears.

"I'm trying to find her back again." she said. "I promise, I'll get her back."

He took her in his arms, holding her tight, till she was calm enough.

She looked at him, smiling.

"Thanks Jeno."

"That's what I'm for." he said, kissing her forehead. He wanted say so many things, but he didn't know how to. He didn't want to scare her off.

"I'll always be here for you. Whether you need to talk or have sex. Without the feelings of course, Like i said, I don't do relationships." he said, regretting it immediately. He really just didn't want to scare her off. But all it did, it seems, was come out wrong.

He watched her face for a reaction. There was none.

"Of course," she smiled. "You don't do relationshisps."

[ialpiriel]

“you dont have to help” “yes i do” is my favorite sort of exchange that happens in WDN