#restrictive behavior

[autismdoll]

it can feel really embarrassing and uncomfortable when i’m worked up about something that would be insignificant to most other people.

especially when that something is deeply connected to the way i navigate life.

restrictive behaviors and thought patterns can make me come off as particular, intense and unreasonably adamant. but maybe i am

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Autism & Anger Rumination

Autistic Qualia

[briarpatch-kids]

I am so tired of people using the existence of disability as an excuse for bad behavior. It kind of smacks of ableism when someone acts rude and unrepentant about being rude everyone goes "but what if theyre neurodivergent???" It makes it obvious that in their mind, neurodivergent=rude.

[autismdoll]

Long post about Repetitive Restrictive Behaviors, OCD, and Stress

I’ve been struggling a lot with Repetitive and Restrictive Behaviors

More specifically tactile stims and tics. Some of these things i can recognize as more voluntary tactile stims that ive done for a long time. But i often get locked into a restrictive and stressful loop of doing these stimulatory actions.

This has brought to mind some questions about the overlap and differences between Autism and OCD, with comorbity in mind.

since a kid i’ve had a few long with standing tactile stims/tics:

Hard, repetitive, excessive blinking.

Snorting

Excessive toe curling and interlocking of toes

Hard, repetitive, excessive scrunching and stretching of nose and philtrum

Clenching teeth

Picking and peeling skin

Uncontrollable nail biting

Rolling eyes back with eyes closed

Pattern walking by way of trying to step on cracks with consistent foot coverage and pressure

Some of these are a lot more visible than others but the visible ones gave me enough trouble in the past that i involuntarily developed more covert habits that stimulate the same area

which brings me to a tic that has been plaguing me for over a year now:

Excessively and roughly pressing my tongue against my soft palate

This is something that started as a self regulatory behavior triggered by emotional and environmental stimuli. Now i get into these loops where i can’t stop doing it and it stresses me out and hurts lol.

The same is true for the list of tactile stims above. I think i start doing them to self soothe then once i make the specific sort of contact i get fixated on how the pressure, contact, or motion should feel and then can’t stop repeating it.

This makes me wonder about the possibility of certain things manifesting as autism symptoms, ocd symptoms, or both.

To give some more context, I’m not diagnosed or self diagnosed as OCD. I am diagnosed ASD and ADHD. However, at the start of my mental health treatment journey the psychiatrist i was seeing identified and notated disruptive OCD symptoms that they expected my previously prescribed Prozac to help with. It did help but it also made me manic so they banned me from Prozac. (long story for another time or another blog lol)

In more recent psychiatric visits my intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors were outlined noted and proclaimed to possibly be elevated by my newly prescribed Abilify which i haven’t taken yet as i struggle with change and especially change in self care routine.

All that is to say that there does seem to be some overlap between ASD and OCD in my experience. This was corroborated in conversation with my friend who is diagnosed OCD we related when i mentioned these compulsive behaviors

Accidentally touching something in passing only to have to return and touch it properly with the “correct amount of pressure”

Intrusive thoughts of harm scenarios involving self and others

Intrusive thoughts surrounding health anxiety

drinking things in intervals of eleven

applying a correct numbered increment to actions and avoiding certain numbers

having to flip a switch or hold an object in just the right way

constant redoing of motions until they feel right

Something that initially made me unsure regarding classifying these behaviors as OCD is the fact that there doesn’t seem to be an anxious “what if i dont do this, something bad may happen” feeling triggering these things. That perspective may be naive or ignorant on my part tho which is why i’m diving deeper to learn more.

One thing positive i can say is that writing this post helped me redirect my nervous system while i was suffering due to these repetitive restrictive behaviors right before writing this. i’ve regulated a little

[impactflare]

Lil bit stuck

[inthefadingtwilightt]

me when im jealous of a fucking fictional character’s ed like a dumbass

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[wonder-worker]

[Matilda of Boulogne's] thorough integration into the governance of the realm was not repeated in [Eleanor of Aquitaine's] years as queen of England. Eleanor's coronation followed a new model that emphasized the queen as progenitor of royal heirs and subordinate to the king rather than as sharer of royal power. Though Eleanor acted as regent in England between 1156 and 1158 and in Poitou on several occasions from 1165 on, her writs suggest delegated rather than shared royal authority. In England, her power was limited by the lack of lands assigned to her use and by the elaboration of financial and judicial administration. Whereas [Matilda of Boulogne's] inheritance allowed her to play an integral role in politics by securing the Londoners' loyalty and a steady supply of mercenaries, Eleanor's inheritance provided her with more extensive power in Poitou and Aquitaine than in England. Until 1163, Eleanor withdrew funds from the Exchequer by her own writ, but unlike her Anglo-Norman predecessors, she was not a member of its council nor did she issue judgments from the royal court. Eleanor's counsel and diplomatic activities, in contrast to Matilda's, are rarely mentioned. She did, however, encourage the 1159 Toulouse campaign and supported Henry in the Becket affair and the coronation of young Henry. Eleanor was not a prominent curialis; she rarely witnessed Henry's charters or interceded to secure the king's mercy. She did follow in Matilda's footsteps in her promotion of her sons, cultivation of dynastic goals through the Fontevraudian tombs, and patronage that reflected her family's traditions. For Matilda, to be queen encompassed a variety of functions-curialis, diplomat, judge, intercessor, and "regent." Through a combination of factors, Eleanor's role as queen was much more restricted.

— Heather J. Tanner, "Queenship: Office, Custom or Ad Hoc", Eleanor of Aquitaine: Lord and Lady (Edited by Bonnie Wheeler and John Carmi Parsons)