#retired vampire hunter alfred pennyworth

[intriq]

puts hand on Duke’s head

he’s my favorite

screw you all he’s my favorite IM TAKING HIM WITH ME TO MY TEA PARTY

YOU’RE NOT INVITED

(Lowkey wanna see all their reactions help/nf)

Alfred: “That is alright, little moon. If you’d like I can make tea and food for your tea party.”

Dick: “What did I do?” [insert pouting noises here]

Jason: “JOKES ON YOU I DIDN’T WANT TO GO ANYWAY!” he’s lying. he did.

Tim: “Ookay then. Tea won’t help me stay up for the next 72 hours anyway.”

Steph: “Why aren’t I invited? Did I do something?”

Cass: “I’m showing up anyway.”

Damian: “And how exactly is Duke the favorite?”

Bruce: “Alright. That’s fine. Duke can take the day off, then.”

Duke: [insert yipee! sound of your choice here]

Babs: “Alright. What you say goes.”

[bluebeetle]

thinking of happier vampire aus (though i do rly like dc vs vampires)

Namely one where, sometime after his parents are murdered in an unrelated incident, Bruce gets kidnapped and turned into a vampire as a child; I’m thinking in this world vampires who are turned under the age of 25 can still age if the vampire that sired them either allows it or is dead, but they stop aging completely at 25, if only because the idea of being a child forever sounds like hell but one that would still be fun to explore so.. best of both worlds!! 

Anyways, Bruce is stuck as a kid for like ~50 some years (I’m thinking he was turned in 1939 so lol) with this vampire (who wanted a kid for Parental Envy reasons) until said vampire is killed by a hunter by the name of Alfred Pennyworth--who ends up taking pity on this poor kid who didn’t really ask for this and wasn’t really a part of the murders committed by the adult vampire. 

Anyways, Alfred ends up finding himself raising the kid who was stuck as a child for 50 years and is both very mature and very immature in many ways as a result; they take up residence in the historic Wayne Manor which is owned by the city of Gotham (as donated by the Kanes) by that point and basically Alfred becomes the groundskeeper and is definitely not hiding an entire vampire in there lol (he wanted to retire from vampire hunting anyways)

Many years later, Bruce sees Superman and Wonder Woman on TV, goes: hey, I’ve got powers and can take a hit, I could help people too and make a difference and stop ppl from being hurt like I have and stuff--so he goes to train, becomes Batman, all while Alfred is wondering why he became a dad. Bruce still has some left over issues from the whole watched-his-parents-die, kidnapped-and-held-captive-as-a-vampire-child-for-50-years thing though... He does eventually collect all his Robins and Cass, I’m thinking some of them are vampires because he turned them to keep them from dying (but maybe not all?). Alfred has to remind Bruce what it was like being a kid for so long to make sure he lets them age... but cute vampire family shennigans!

Bruce feeds on criminals (and sometimes other ppl) but he doesn’t kill them or take too much; doesn’t steal from hospitals either like some media does bc like, no?? that blood is for people who NEED it???

Also he can turn into a bat and a big bat monster, both of which can go into the sunlight but he can’t talk or do much in those forms as compromise; otherwise he burns up.

[intriq]

Points at Alfred

You, you're amazing

Points at Jason

And you're GAY

but that's fine because I'm gay too so we're twinning

Alfred: "Thank you, little moon."

Jason: *bewildered blinking* "Cool..?"