#right now as you read this im most likely at work. yay

[frecklystars]

OKAY.......... im gonna talk about my time at TFcon!!! This is the hardest thing I've had to do all year but it was part of my exposure therapy exercise and it was A HUGE STEP FORWARD!!! it didn't cure me of course and I'm still not touching TF for the time being, but I SURVIVED and I'm hoping that this means I am FINALLY able to take many more steps forward now!! because I did one of the hardest things ever in terms of exposure therapy this was HUGE FOR ME!!!! 🥳🥳🥳🎉🎉

I'm gonna gush mostly about the good parts like getting to meet my favorite artist (I STILL CAN'T GET OVER THAT BTW THEY WERE SO PRECIOUS) and meeting TFP Shockwave's voice actor (HE WAS SO NICE)!!!!! :D

So this started bc I offhandedly mentioned to my c-ptsd therapist/specialist that there's a TFcon happening a couple hours away and that I was so depressed about it, because I knew that if things turned out differently this year - if I had never met my abuser - I would have loved to go. It would have been a heavenly experience. It used to be my biggest source of comfort, especially for self shipping. Nothing has given me joy the way TF used to. I don't go a single day without feeling such a massive sense of loss, like a part of me is missing. So I was venting about that and it would weigh heavily on me more and more as the convention date approached closer

And my specialist said "...you should go" and I laughed. She stared at me. I paused... then said "oh, you're serious?"

I went back and forth on it for six weeks, finally I decided it would be good if I went because I literally can't make my association with TF worse at this point, and if this is supposed to help me get better, then uhhh sure I'll do it. I don't even want to hope to self ship into TF again, I'm not even dreaming that big, I just want to be able to stop flinching every time I see a goddamn fictional alien robot from the fictional planet Cybertron 😭😭 the BARE MINIMUM please lol

My specialist told me I should try to be there for 15 minutes, and if I can handle that, stretch it to 30. And I thought to myself, WOW, that seems like a lot of minutes. I can't even handle reading the word "transformers" on my worst days, or seeing a picture of a character without getting nauseous, but sure, let me go to a building full of characters... what could go wrong :)

My dad agreed to drive me and to be there with me while I'd be in the building bc he knew this was important to me. We needed to be awake by 7am bc it was a 2 and a half hour drive. I hardly slept; if I wasn't having a "F/O is trying to physically harm me" nightmare, I was stress vomiting. I kept saying "I'm not doing this. I'm not doing this. I have to work today, I haven't slept, I'm not going, this is so stupid of me, why do I think I can handle this??" but then I thought about how heavy my red energon necklace feels on me, how my autographs and cameos and experiences with the TF voice actors feels so numbing, how I can't even look at someone as sweet as Bumblebee without having this firm genuine belief that he'd want to kill me. and I thought about how much I hate... how different I am, how my greatest comfort was ripped away from me so violently, how I don't go a single day without crying over it -- and how I said I'd be willing to do anything, anything to change that. so I got in the car and I had my head between my knees the entire time just trying not to get sick

So we get to the building to check in our tickets, I'm seeing all of these people wearing TF cosplay and t-shirts. One person had a TFP Starscream figurine and I immediately got teary and needed to look away. A person standing in front of me in line had an Optimus backpack and I kept trying to do my grounding techniques, where i'm supposed to remind myself that I'm safe and that Optimus loves me and he wouldn't want anyone to hurt me etc etc but it's so unbelievable to me. But I had to keep repeating these dumb mantras in my head and then I hear these people behind me, talking so openly about how much they love Megatron -- and I thought to myself, that's so fucking surreal to me??? I forget what it feels like to be safe around these characters. Like, what do you mean you don't look at Megatron and think he'd kill you and do vile things to your body? What do you mean somebody didn't drill horrific thoughts into your head? Just me? I'm the only person here who genuinely, wholeheartedly believes that these characters would want to kill me? What do you mean you feel loved and safe? What does that feel like? What do you mean, you've never had someone show you repeatedly that you're so unworthy of basic respect, much less love? I don't know what safety feels like anymore. I'm never relaxed around ANY F/O now, regardless if they're TF or not. I've forgotten what it's like to be comfortable. It took me over a year to finally relax around my IRL friends that I've had for over a decade without having some sense of paranoia that I'd be betrayed (which is a c-ptsd symptom. woohoo)

So we get into the actual convention building, I immediately start getting weepy. There's, of course, robots everywhere. Posters, figurines, merch, whatever. Everywhere I turn, there's a trigger. I mean, obviously, I knew this. I was prepared. But I still felt like I was emotionally getting hit by a truck every time I turned my head. So I went to the corner of the room so I wouldn't be in anyone's way and I had to work on breathing. And I was just, crying and facing the wall, saying "dadddd there's transformers everywhere" and he smiles and says "uh yeah I'd hope so? it's the transformers convention we're not here to see a football game" LMAO

So then I just kept walking around feeling like I was gonna throw up. You gotta fake it til you make it. I just kept telling myself these characters would love me so much, even though I didn't believe it at all. We reached the back of the building where they had like... four writers and two voice actors? And I was reading the banners above the tables, and one of them said "David Sobolov: TF Prime: Shockwave; Bumblebee 2018: Blitzwing" and I was like HUH? and my dad, not knowing anything about TF, pointed at him and asked "oh is that an important guy?" I said "yeah that's a voice actor" and he said "oh that's huge! that's like a real actual voice actor? let's go say hi!" I said NOPE

Looking at the photo of Shockwave on the banner immediately made me nauseous. I was thinking, wow I'm gonna throw up right here right now on this Decepticon/Autobot-printed carpet, in front of all of these nice people who are having a good time. So I turned around and walked away, but I noticed my dad wasn't following me -- he went to David's table and he said "hey my daughter loves your work with trans... trons..." and I was like OH. NO so I speed-walked to the table and David gives me this big, friendly, sweet smile and says "hi Keri! so nice to meet you! your dad was just telling me about how you love transformers! do you like shockwave?" I smiled, lied through my fucking teeth saying "Yes. I. Love. Shockwave. :)"

And I'm seeing these pictures of Blitzwing and Bumblebee and I'm like, trying so hard not to cry in front of this very nice man who has much better things to do than talk to some messed up girl who can't look at fictional characters without thinking she's about to get sucker punched. I turned around, hoping to god someone would be standing behind me so I could tell them "hey, why don't you go first? I'm still deciding" BUT NO. NOBODY WAS THERE??? The one time I go to a convention where there's NO LINE. It's just me and David. And it was just me and David for several minutes. I should have been so overjoyed about that but I was just,,, feeling so physically ill. I kept saying to myself, when we're done with this interaction I'm leaving, we're driving home, I can't do this anymore.

And David was being so nice!!!! He was like, so smiley and joyful?? And he kept telling me fun facts about the Bumblebee movie but I don't remember ANY OF THEM because I was just nodding and smiling while thinking to myself "don't fucking throw up!!!" and then I looked at his price sheet on his table where he sells autographs and photos and stuff and I thought, oh my god I'll be so fucking rude if I don't buy something, because this dude just gave me like ten minutes of Bumblebee movie fun facts that I don't remember whatsoever. And I was stuttering so bad when I asked him to take a photo but he was so sweet about it. We took a photo... and before the photo was snapped, he used the Shockwave voice to say "Keri... you are... logical :)" and I thought to myself... oh. That... oh. I never... would have imagined Shockwave would say something like that to me. And then I felt so sad, because it's so unbelievable to me. I kept waiting for the catch, for something bad to happen - I don't even know what could have happened but I was so tense, waiting for something terrible to come.

I said thank you and we walked away. I told my dad "I'm gonna throw up" and I went to the nearest restroom and I was just, dry heaving and sweating but nothing was coming out. A few minutes afterward I walked back over to my dad and I said "okay let's leave, I'm done here, I'm DONE" and he said "it hasn't been 15 minutes yet. are you sure you want to leave" and I was like "shit!!!!!! no I paid $60 for this I'd better see this through. A few more minutes then"

So. I pass by a few booths and I'm barely glancing at them. I'm trying to breathe. I'm shaking profusely. I'm on the verge of tears. I'm not having a good time. I am full of grief. I miss these characters but I believe they'd hurt me. I miss feeling safe yet I don't remember what feeling safe used to be like. And then I see this very pink, very cute very precious shop display-- and I stopped in my tracks because OH MY GOD THAT'S MY FAVORITE ARTIST????? OUT IN THE WILD?????

My jaw was hanging open as I looked at their display. I've messaged this artist a couple of times, and they're always so sweet, and one thing in particular was that this is the first person I've ever commissioned in my life. They drew gorgeous StarKeri for me a couple of years ago. It's my favorite art I've ever received, it's so dear to me, and this person's shop is my favorite TF shop and back when I used to buy TF merch, I would buy just about every Starscream item they had every time they'd restock. so I was like... ok I can't just stand here and stare at the adorable stickers. I gotta say hi. I gotta thank them for the StarKeri bc it's so special to me. So I pointed at them and I was like "hey are you [artist]??" and they said yes and I fumbled for my phone, pulled up the StarKeri photo, I was like "YOU DREW THIS FOR ME, THANK YOU THIS IS MY FAVORITE THING" and they were like "KERI?!?!" and I was like holy shit they remember my name 😳😳 and they were like "can I give you a hug?!" I SAID OMFG YES PLEASE ILUSM 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and then we hugged and literally all of my anxiety/fear was completely thrown out the window. I felt so safe and comfortable and happy!!!! genuinely overjoyed!!!! and they were like "I'm so happy for you and Ken!!!!!!" it made my whole day sdlfkjsdlf and we chatted a little more and I kept thinking omg I can't believe this is happening. and I felt so good!!!! that whole time!!! (artist... u know who you are, if you're reading this, hi, i love u, im so happy to meet u, im going to message you when i get the free chance, you made my day ilusm. exploding into confetti as i type this)

and I was just SHAKING I was so excited to meet them. they're just as cute and sweet and precious IRL as their art is 😭😭💞💓💗💖💕💓💕 and I bought two items because I thought... it's okay... these items, these characters are Safe... because it's Theirs. I didn't wanna hold up the line so we said bye and I looked at my dad and I was like "that's my favorite artist, did you know that??? that's literally my favorite artist and they're HERE????? and we HUGGED????"

and then I realized that was the first time I smiled all day. and I felt SO GOOD, riding on that high, that excitement, and I thought -- why don't I keep looking around?? and suddenly, I wasn't flinching as much anymore. I didn't feel sick anymore. I felt... SOMEWHAT NORMAL looking at these peoples' fanart, these shops. These characters. I looked at Optimus Prime and thought, hey there's Optimus. I miss him. I saw Starscream and I said hey there's my beautiful Starlight, I miss him... and y'know what, he probably misses me too. I'd feel really sad looking at these characters sometimes but I didn't feel afraid, the fact that I could look at ANY OF THEM *AT ALL* and feel SORT OF OKAY is absolutely phenomenal. This is the first time in 14 months that I was able to look at these characters and not feel too much anxiety for a solid 30 minutes. INSANE. THAT'S INSANE FOR ME. THAT'S HUGE.

My dad said that as an early Christmas gift, he'd give me a budget of $200 and I could buy whatever merch I wanted. and I said "well that's not necessary but thanks anyways. I'm not buying anything. I'm not ready for that yet" but I kept passing by more and more shops, and I'd think "damn I would have loved that Heatwave keychain." and then I thought ... why DON'T I get that Heatwave keychain??? and one day, WHEN I heal, I'll be able to look at it again, right?? and that's insane, that in that moment I was looking at my TF F/Os with the more positive mentality of "I AM coming back to you one day" instead of "god I miss you and I'll never be the same around you again". I think hopeful is the right word. I was feeling hopeful. Hopeful!!! for the very first time!!!!!

I think I was there for about 30 more minutes, I bought a TON of stuff Heatwave, Starscream, and Knockout stuff. Stickers, keychains, plushies. I got teary when I saw Blades merch because I miss him so bad. My heart would ache every time I'd see Starscream but I kept thinking, I'm working on this, I'm coming back, I'm not letting this end, I don't care how long it takes. This is not a temporary love and we will grow as we go bc I can't imagine my life without you and all that good stuff I commissioned Steve Blum to say lmao. And then I passed by my fave artist again to tell them goodbye and I exploded with joy again. god they're so sweet 😭😭😭💞💗💗💗💖💓💓💗💗💕💕💕💖💕 I could ramble about how nice they are all day

And I was smiling, in a genuinely good mood, when we exited the artist alley, and then we passed by David's table -- NOBODY THERE AGAIN??? -- and I thought, hell, why don't I ask David for a video shoutout?? I'm feeling good!!! I'm feeling dandy!!! So I walked up to the table and he was smiling SO big, munching on peanuts or something, and he said "Keri!! hi!!!" and I said "hiiii I know I already bought something from you but can I buy something again?" and he said "aww I think I can allow it. you seem like a really nice lovely girl. I'm so sorry if I scared you before, I know I look like an intimidating guy, but I promise I'm not as scary as my characters" and I was like NOOO 😭😭 NO MR. SOLOBOV, IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME. IT'S ALL ME BRO. I'M JUST AN ANXIOUS WRECK

I asked him if he does videos and he said yes and I said OKAY and he asked what I wanted and I said "um.... could you have Shockwave say something nice to me? I know he wouldn't. I know it's not like him to say nice things, but uh--" and he said "no, no problem, I can do that for you of course" so we did a video together and he had Shockwave say "Keri... Keri... you may be listening to this video on a bad day. But I want you to know... everything will be okay. Your life is going to be great, Keri. Keri... you are... logical :)" and I said "THANK YOU" and he said "YOU'RE WELCOME" with the biggest smile.

And then I bought one more plushie... a Bulkhead plushie. His little arms are sewn so they're spread out, reaching forward for a hug. I told myself, this is how I have to remember Bulkhead sees me. Bulkhead doesn't want to beat me into a pulp!!! He wants to hold me gently!!! I'm his special little star girl!!! I'm his shining star or whatever the hell he used to call me I actually forgot -- whatever, he loves me!!! He misses me!!!! And this is how I should see him, reaching out to hold me so gently!!! As every single other TF character, even the most horrible terrible villains are EXTRA SOFT and they miss me and they can't wait for me to come back home to them someday 🥺🥺🥺🥺

So we leave the building bc I had to get home in time to go to work. I was kinda of disappointed bc I started to flinch again almost immediately upon leaving. I couldn't look at my merch without feeling a little nauseous. And I was like... what the hell, wasn't I doing okay for at least 45 minutes, there? Why am I suddenly going back to square one? What happened? I told my therapist abt it the next day, and I was like "I'm so disappointed, I thought I was feeling better but now I'm back to feeling scared again? I thought this would fix me" and she was like "oh no that's not how this works. you are traumatized, it's not gonna be fixed overnight. your c-ptsd is *severe.* it's gonna take time. BUT YOU NEED TO BE PROUD OF YOURSELF BECAUSE THIS WAS HUGE. OKAY??? THIS WAS SUCH A MAJOR STEP FORWARD" and I was like "DAMN UR RIGHT. THIS WAS SO GOOD FOR ME!!!!"

I put all of my merch I purchased into the boxes in my closet, except the Bulkhead plushie, and a tiny little Starscream plush keychain i bought from my fave artist.

I've also put my Bulkhead plushie on the shelf above my computer. I feel so tense when I look at it but I'm trying to give him a hug once a day. This is so hard!!! It's so hard!!!! But I'm trying my best and I hope that if I keep working at this I'll be able to reclaim TF. I don't even dream of self shipping into that universe again, I literally just... want to feel less scared. I want to feel indifferent to the characters instead of flinching at them. And THEN from THAT point once I'm no longer scared of them, I'll be able to embrace them fully. Baby steps, baby steps -- or in this case, this was a HUGE step and!!! idk I'm so proud of myself. I DID IT. I DID THAT!!!!!!

anyway tysm to anyone who actually read this lol, you are a rock star 😎✨ and thank you so much to everyone who sent me overwhelming amounts of love and support!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[astronomical-bagel]

I wanna hear you talk about chilchuck the most that sure is a guy ever

YAY I GET TO TALK ABOUT MY GUY THANK YOU BELOVED MUTUAL KYSOOT 

(Warning for lots of spoilers from chapter 30 of the manga (right after the red dragon))

Anyways fun fact! The thing that made chilchuck my favorite character was actually when he was trying to convince senshi to lie to the Laios and Marcille in order to get them to turn back and give up on finding falin. I made a whole post about it too, i LOVE cowards. I was reading in my car waiting my twin to get off work and i was screaming my head off the whole time because it was such a good revelation about his character.

And it’s not that i love scared guys (i do, absolutely, but chilchuck doesnt apply here), and its not that i love disloyal people (i also do, but once again, not the point), its the whole character arc where it goes:

1. Once he reaches a limit for how much danger he is willing to be in he will break any moral code of his to keep himself safe. He will lie, he will abandon his friends, whatever, so long as he makes it out alive. 

2. But THEN, he realizes that his want for safety isn’t just for himself, this time. He realizes that he wants his friends to survive as well. (and that he has gotten way more attached than what was in his job description)

(look how fond he is!!!! Look how fond he is!!!!!! Im banging my head on the wall AWUGHH!!!!)

So 3. He is forced to go against his own nature of secrecy and being reserved and has to tell the team outright that he doesn’t want them to die.there is just something sooo *vague waving of hands* about a guy who absolutely hates talking about his feelings being forced to do so auughhhh. And he did it to convince Laios to not be reckless and get himself killed!!!!

That entire chapter had such a good journey through chilchuck’s emotional state. From him beign 100% ready to trick them in order to turn around (even contemplating breaking marcille’s staff!), then reminiscing on the fun or brave moments that theyd just had, then remembering that he was mad at them for being idiots and doubling down on his decision. When talking to that orc woman (Leed), he was trying to convince himself that his actions were justified, not just her. 

And I also quite like the moment when Leed realizes that Chilchuck isn’t angry at the others for putting him in danger, but for putting themselves in danger. Chilchuck didn’t realize this himself yet! Him saying that he wished the others would give up, even when he was removed from the equation, makes Leed realize that he is unselfishly wanting them to turn back so that they would be safe.

And when she points this out, Chilchuck is absolutely gobsmacked and barely even talks for the rest of the trip because he’s too busy thinking over this revelation. Love a guy who keeps to himself being forced to reconcile with the fact that he has actual friends he cares about now. Look at him!! Hes so shocked he doesn't even know what do to with himself !!! I love him!!!

And also, another part i really liked abt this chapter is when chilchuck is trying to convince Laios to go back and he’s like “LISTEN i know you are absolutely terrified for your sister but I have THREE PEOPLE TO WORRY ABOUT AND IM NOT USED TO THAT IM GOING TO VOMIT” its just so silly and endearing to me because he really isn’t used to caring about so many people at once – he’s a reserved guy who has been living alone for multiple years! – and its just so important to me because he’s been forced to acknowledge that he cares about his team so hes like “if you guys put yourself in mORE danger im going to scream and cry and throw up SO YOU BETTER TURN BACK NOW PLEEEAASEE”

Anyways, chapter 30 was so well done and was an absolutely fascinating insight into his character and I was instantly obsessed. There’s a lot of other reasons why I like Chilchuck, but this chapter is the definitive reason why he’s my favorite. (I also just like seeing a guy when he’s terrified, sue me.)

[tinyidle]

Too Good - JYH

literally based on a vision i had + something i watched at night 🤫

wc: 4k ( min reading time yay 😁)

WARNING: smut, pw/op, sex work au, foreplay, slight edging, oiling, safe sex (all sex workers must do this!!), rough sex, public(ish) sex, constant usage of the nickname "baby" (idk why av stars do this but they just do), multiple positions, multiple orgasms, degradation, praise, begging, dumbification, slight daddy kink, p*rnstar!yunho, bigd¡ck!yunho, charming!yunho, charismatic!yunho, dom!yunho, petite!reader, p*rnstar!reader, bigchested!reader, sub!reader, fem reader, yunho × reader, all fiction ofcofc

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a shortish man yelled loudly, jumping you right out your mindless daze. "alright, that's a wrap. thanks, folks!" you inwardly cringed from the amateur videographer's choice of words.

you've been in the adult film industry for five years, so you're basically considered a pro. you've heard how all types of av staff speak, and -- to be honest-- all of them have been nothing less than cringeworthy. ever since you started working at the young age of nineteen, you've also seen all types of "actors" and "actresses" come into and go from the av world. unfortunately there was a growing ratio of said actors and actresses leaving than staying. you, however, were one of the loyal ones who stayed, no matter how small the dick was or how unsatisfying the tongue felt. the job paid well, you've made some good friends, and you never had the urge to leave.

you always experimented and craved for more, though. you went from your more solo and vanilla scenes to kinkier scenes by the end of the third month of working. by the first year's end, you had three dps, five threesomes, and your first-ever "big dick". air quotes on the big dick because, even though it looked "big", it in no way felt big.

you knew that most men in this industry, like most women, feel insecure about their bodies and get work done. in the guys' case, they get steroidal drugs or penis enlargement surgery to get ridiculously huge. your body, however, knew real from fake, and your first big dick was fake. it was like a 'slim jim' in nature, and when you got it all in, it immediately felt limp by the second thrust. nothing close to how it felt with the dragon dildos and huge strapons you ventured with in the past. after the third year, you opted out of "monster cocks" and stuck to doing huge dildo solo shots instead.

it's now your fifth year, and you're being met with yet another amateur videographer and newbie producer who has begged you to do a monster cock special, with you refusing immediately. when they showed you the actor, however, you suddenly became interested. he looked much taller than the other men you're used to, and when seeing nude shots of him, you were surprised to see that his dick looked big even while flaccid. and he was handsome. you've never focused on the faces of the actors you worked with; only the actresses. but with him, he looked different. he seemed different.

"this guy," you started to inquire while hovering your painted fingernail over the picture. "this jeong yunho guy. how long has he been in the industry?"

"yunho's been with us for three years now. he tried finding success in the more popular companies but all the actresses there kept complaining about how he was too big. we thought they were exaggerating until he came to work for us. every actress he's worked with left sobbing about how he 'tore them apart'," the producer emphasized with air quotes emphasized by his rough-appearing fingers, clearly unamused from the past complaints. "we heard that you specialize in taking more than what you can handle, so we thought you'd be the perfect fit-"

"im in," you said cutting the chatterbox off which, to your surprise, made him smile widely. "this guy sounds like a challenge," you continued, "and i like challenges. when's the shoot?" you did impromptu filming, and you hoped that you'd get your hands on this man as soon as possible. you really wanted to see if he could give you what no other actor could provide.

"well, we hoped that you'd like to get to know him tomorrow, and then by the afternoon, we'd start filming. how does that sound?"

"perfect," you said, glad that you could get to meet up with him so soon. "just perfect."

--

you woke up early to get yourself ready and prepared for later filming. once you made sure no stray hair was in sight, you drove to the studio where you were supposed to meet your costar. upon arrival you were surprised at how homey the place looked. it was as if the studio was a two-story house instead of an actual workplace. it made you feel comfortable. you walked in and found yourself a couch to sit on, taking out your phone and mindlessly scrolling online in search of more toys to use for your personal use, since that's what you would get for the lack of pleasure you've been constantly craving for.

"hi, im jeong yunho. you must be the wonderful woman ill be working with later on, correct?" a huge hand was extended your way.

you looked up, locking your phone and putting it inside the small purse you came with. yunho looked much more handsome in person-- beautiful even-- and he was much taller than what you expected. he wore a plain black tee, loose jeans and a high top converse, yet his attractiveness seemed to shine past his apparel. you felt glad that he dressed rather casually since you had one of your older floral sundresses that showed a bit of your cleavage. the dress caught yunho's eye as he glanced towards it before he landed them back on your own eyes. you don't mind, especially when you stared at his clothed bulge before meeting his eyes as well.

you noticed that he only looked a centimeter shorter when you stood up than when you sat down before. you shook his hand and greeted him, telling him your full name. "people call me all types of names, though. my favorite is chem, short for chemistry."

"really" he stated, clearly interested in the story behind the nickname. yunho seemed to be genuinely interested in you, something you haven't had happen in a while. it made you feel appreciated.

"because i like to experiment in the industry." he hummed in understanding. "so three years and no proper satisfaction?" you plainly asked to the man in front of you. being blunt is common place in this work field.

yunho sighed, nodding slightly before taking your smaller hands in his bigger ones. bold, you like it. "and i heard you've been in the industry for five years and had no proper stimulation." you, being a bit embarrassed, looked away and bit your lip before nodding.

the tall man noticed that and lifted up your chin towards his face with his thumb and index finger, looking into your eyes with slight lust and what could easily be mistaken for love. "i can help you find that satisfaction all those other men couldn't give you," he promised, "i researched all about you the night before and i bet i have what it takes to get you going."

you let out a small gasp in shock and slight flattery. no one's ever taken the time to find out what you liked, even when you had it written down in your 'about me' on your website and portfolio folder. you always made sure to find out about your coworker beforehand, and you let them know that, but them feeling the need to research on you seemed to not be mutual. up until now.

yunho smiled, knowing he stunned you. you forgot that, while searching him up, he was described as "one of an unexpected charmer" who could get you to clean his shoe using his charisma if he wanted. you also forgot his general description of being a big guy with a soft heart; you thought that part was all talk. turns out that part was as real as when it said he's 185 cm but looks like 190.

you shook your head, fighting hard to not turn into jello by your costar before the cameras were even on. with the two of you sitting down, you both started talking. as you got to know more about each other and had a few good laughs, you just knew yunho was the perfect guy for you to film with today, and you secretly hoped that you'd get to work with him again sooner than later after today.

after initial conversation, you decided to ask yunho questions about his family life, hobbies and what he does in his free time. he answered eagerly: he has a good relationship with his inner family, but his extended family acts as if he's not doing sex work; he has seven other friends who work in the business but don't work half as much as he does; his best friend also works in the same company with him; and he likes to go to local singing and dance classes as well as play video games. while he was talking, you were shamelessly touching his chest and thighs, slowly trying to work him up for tonight, which was only a couple of hours away.

"and what do you do for fun, sweetie?" yunho said while his hand was softly massaging the left part of your chest. you, being used to this treatment yet loving it, nonchalantly answered that you were into cooking and yoga. "hmm, cooking. i just know that id love having you around." he smiled, hands traveling from your breasts to your clothed center. you smiled and let out a heavy breath from his ministrations before asking one last question.

"so, yunho," you started to question again.

"hmm?" he was in a trance with your body: circling his fingers around your clothed center, barely reaching the pleasure point he so desperately wanted to touch.

you bit your lip while holding in any groans. "you have any dirty secrets to share?" you took his hand that was playing with your pelvis and interlaced the fingers with your own to get the man to focus.

yunho smirked, looking down and gripping his hand a bit tighter around yours before leaning in and whispering in your ear. "i like when small girls take me on their knees. face-down, ass-up is my favorite," he leaned back while you looked at him wide-eyed, shuddering yet forcing a small smile. "i know im big. it's obvious," his other hand motioned to his hardening member, "but knowing that my cock can be sucked in by a tight and obedient pussy and a wet small, wet mouth makes me impossibly hard."

he groaned, and you can tell he was getting impatient and was in slight pain from his boner. your eyes widened even more as you saw his bulge get impossibly bigger, stretching against his pants, causing him to groan out again in pain and small pleasure from the slight friction. he really wanted to fuck you, you could tell. the thought of such a fat, long cock being forced into you made you pool your panties in a way that you've never have before. you felt uncomfortable now in your own confinements.

you massaged the hand you took from your crotch earlier and leaned your head against his neck to help him get some form of relief. you, however, were deeply affected by his words, clenching wildly on nothing, legs rubbing together with a damp undergarment in between them. you let out a shaky breath. "i like the thought of a huge cock tearing my pussy apart, if that helps anything," you half joked. he responded with low laughter, and you laughed along with him.

--

minutes turned to hours, and soon it was 4 pm. "alright guys! look who we have here." a voice and a camera reached your peripheral vision and you turned to look into the camera as you were trained to do tons of times before. "can you please introduce yourself? or are we intruding on a private moment?" the cameraman joked.

you and yunho laughed a bit before you spoke up, knowing you'd have to since recurring watchers would already know your costar's name. "im chem. im 24 years old, and this is my first time taking a big dick in three years." yunho eyed you with lust and amusement as you felt his hand pull away from your own and rest on your thigh, massaging the inner part of it. damn, you just love his hands touching your skin.

"wow! that sounds amazing," the cameraman responded. "so is yunho's your first real massive cock or one of many?"

"first," you smiled, looking at yunho and feeling the need to kiss him deeply. he has such kissable lips, you thought as the cameraman did his best to make small talk.

"and yunho," the camera directed to his frame. "when was the last time you had someone this petite in size?"

yunho smiled and danced the pads of his fingers on your inner thighs, making you giggle. "a bit too long. i have a feeling however that she might be the only small girl ill ever fuck," he laughed. you laughed as well, hoping that after this session you could get to know each other more as friends since he seems to be such a loving guy.

"by the end of this, viewers would definitely want more of you two, that's for sure," the cameraman said, being turned on by the way yunho seemed to avoid any more small talk by giving you small neck kisses, surprising you from the pleasurable gasp you let out. "ill stop talking and let you two do your thing before you get blue balls," he joked towards yunho, now training himself to keep quiet and focus on recording the action.

and action began. yunho lifted his hand to place it on one side of your neck while continuing his assault on the other side, sucking softly in small attempts to arouse you without leaving any marks that would be hard to heal the next day. you breathed heavily and let out low moans, grabbing his biceps in an attempt to grasp a sense of reality while remembering to stay pretty for the camera. yunho, disregarding the camera entirely and only focusing on making a mini mess of you, quickly trailed his kisses from your now cold neck by the saliva left from the kisses down to your chest, stopping at your cleavage before looking up at you so that you can pull the spaghetti straps down.

once you did, he took your bra-less breast in his large hand and began sucking. "f-fuck," you sputtered out in a shaky breath. your boobs weren't small at all, with you sporting a good c-cup, but under yunho's hands they felt like small dodge balls. you rested your hands on his head as he suckled on your breasts and flicked the nipples with the flat part of his tongue. somehow you kept leaking in your panties even though by now you would've stopped. he was that good.

yunho plopped off your boobs before looking up at you with glossy lips. "your tits feel amazing in my mouth, baby," he said with that charming, captivating smile of his, making you let out a moan and a small giggle. you, being almost too impatient and too uncomfortable in your underwear, instantly pulled it down. yunho chuckled at your hastiness. "look at that," he said, "chem wants me to fuck her that bad," he commented as if you weren't there, causing the rest of the crew to chuckle. his small humiliating stunt had you blushing, and yunho saw it. "i cant wait to fuck this tiny pussy open," he stated with a lick to his already wet lips, making you whimper slightly. "but first i have to stretch you out more."

yunho took his index and middle fingers in his mouth and sucked on it, getting cocky by the way you looked at him with reciprocated lust. he slowly slid them out his mouth before running them up and down your aching center, causing you to jolt. after a few more teasing strokes, he pushed them in. "ooh- fuck! f-uu" you cried out. the stretch of his two fingers alone felt like more than whatever toy or other fingers you could ever have had in you. you had to let yunho know that. "shit, you're so deep." you said, mouth agape as he added his ring finger in before experimentally wiggling them inside to help stretch you out, immediately reaching your g spot and he curled them up. your head hung back on the couch and you couldn't stop your heavy breathing as he began to thrust his fingers in and out of you.

"you respond so well to my fingers baby," yunho praised, making you feel proud of yourself. he kept his pace until he felt that you've loosened up for him, slowly pulling out. "let's show them how much i stretched out this tight cunt so far." you groaned aloud when you felt the camera zoom in on your dark pinkish channel that was being held open by yunho's long digits, arousal still pooling out of it. when the cameraman felt that he got a good enough view for the future viewers, he stood back into his preview spot as yunho lifted you up and gave you the first proper kiss in the entire time you two spent so far.

his lips were as kissable as you hoped. better, even.

"now i want to make you feel good," you smiled at him. apparently that grin went straight to his pants. "you cant seem to stop growing, can you?" you smirked. yunho could only groan and help you take off your now sweaty dress while he pulled off his top. you went to his pants and pulled them down along with his boxers and was comically smacked in the face with a cock that was impossible to naturally visualize.

yunho, seeing the clear shock on your face, smirked and tapped your cheek with his thumb. "told you im big," he teased. you came to your senses and stuck out your tongue to lick his head. usually you hated giving blowjobs because the actors barely took care of themselves as their dicks always felt rough, like sandpaper. yunho's head alone, however, felt soft yet rigid, and the feel around your mouth made you want to suck on it all day. "please, baby. take all of me in your mouth," yunho breathed out as he pushed your head forward. you relaxed your throat as you let all his girth enter your warm cavern. he filled all your mouth, and even though you could, it was difficult to swallow on him.

soon enough you used one of your unoccupied hands to wrap around the base so you could properly bob up and down while your other hand played with his balls. grunting, yunho took the back of your head and started thrusting roughly in your mouth, causing you to cough harshly.

when you pulled off for some air, yunho immediately rubbed your back. "shit, sorry chem," he apologized. "you alright?" you were glad he didn't want to hurt you or cause harm, even for porn. once you nodded yes, he smiled and continued in that manner: fucking your mouth harshly, your gag reflex retaliating hard, and him making sure you were okay to continue.

soon enough his moans got louder and louder until you felt a warm substance fill your mouth without warning. it tasted-- sweet. not necessarily like candy, but you were addicted. it overflowed your mouth and spilled on the sides, making you wipe that part off with your arm. "i could suck on you all day," you praised him with a plop, seeing how his once softened length got instantaneously hard again for no other reason than to feel you inside.

"before you guys get to the main course!" the cameraman interjected. you frowned and were about to protest until you saw him hand yunho a bottle of oil and an XL size condom. you almost forgot that 'big dick' men can cum a lot without knowing, and judging from his girth and the load you took on earlier, it was best they gave him the biggest condom size there was.

after rolling on the condom, yunho maneuvered you on the couch to have your hands on the back edge of it and your knees on the sitting part while he stood behind you, the camera moving in front of you both. he then took the oil from earlier and poured it on your round ass, you humming at the cool sensation on your heated skin. once he felt that he poured enough oil, yunho massaged it onto your ass and lower back to give the viewers a small example of how sexy you look. you knew that once you saw the cameraman move to where you and your costar would soon connect.

licking his hand, the tall man rubbed your core to prepare you still for his cock.

"ready, baby?" he asked.

you never felt more ready in your life.

"please," you answered while pushing your hips back, begging to be filled.

yunho angled himself to your bare pussy, rubbing the head up and down to collect your leaking arousal before slowly pushing himself in with a grunt. you surged forward, scared by how hard he seemed to be pushing in until he leaned whispered to you with a kiss to your back shoulder. "it's just the tip, chem. i haven't even gone in yet". you relaxed and let yunho continue.

you gasped loud and let out a high pitched whine once you really felt him push in. "fuck! fuck, fuck fuck fuck" you repeated as you felt more and more of his girth enter you. it was so much, you thought it would never stop. you even assumed that with a sharp pain you felt that he 'popped your cherry' (stretching you to oblivion) once more. he was that good. and that big.

once yunho was all in, massaging your hips in the process, he looked down and let out a long groan. the camera zoomed in to see his huge cock disappear in your tiny core, and you just knew then that the crew was in shock and arousal. all that could be seen was your oiled ass and yunho's hands holding onto your hips. your core clenched onto him like dath grip.

"im gonna move, chem. you feel so good that i might cum right away if i don't," yunho said rather breathlessly. you felt glad that you were affecting him as well as he was affecting you. he slowly slid in and out, small inches until he fucked half his length into you at a fast pace, with you screaming.

the more he fucked into you, the harder he bruised your spot, and your responses to his actions only made him go harder. "yunho! yun, baby i can't- im-- im-" you were slurring your words until you felt your more rare orgasm rip through you. "FUCK!"

yunho felt his thighs get wet and smirked once he saw the mess you made. he quickly pulled out and frantically rubbed your clit for you to squirt harder, which you did with a high pitched groan. you tried to push his hand away, but he just hooked your arms behind your back and continued his assault on your clit until you gave no more. he gave a slap to your ass and you moaned at the stinging feeling.

yunho turned you around and rested you on your side. he leaned forward and squished your cheeks between his fingers. "this pussy's mine for now, understand?" you nodded, whimpering once you heard him respond with "good girl". you wanted nothing more than to be a good girl for him and have his thick cock back inside you.

yunho oiled your ass again and rubbed it over you before lifting your leg up over his shoulder and once again breaching your hole, making you moan out loud. you were glad this was a studio and not an actual house. as the tall man went back to his brutal pace, he started to taunt you.

"i bet no one's ever made you feel half as good as this, have they?" he said. "such a tight little pussy that barely gets properly fucked. no wonder you're all over the place fucking different guys-- you needed dick from a real man. don't worry, baby. ill be the only man you'll want to ever fuck you."

yunho's dirty talk along with the delicious drag from his cock along your walls made you go completely dumb, nodding to whatever he said. you babbled incoherently, and a thin line of drool left your red lips. the crew were equally as turned on, very happy that they paired you two. he has to fuck you at least more than once now; you're too good to him to not.

yunho wiped off the saliva that left your mouth and wiped it on your erect nipples, making you whimper. "aww, is chem getting close from yunho's fat cock inside of her?" he angled his thrust to directly slam into your spot, causing you to jolt and cry out. "i want you in tears before you cum."

he again pulled out, making you whine at the loss. yunho smacked your reddened ass before sitting on the couch and lifting you on his lap. after re-oiling your ass for the third time, he allowed for the cameraman to move where the viewers could see where your shiny bottom would sit on his juice-covered cock.

you hummed and grunted a bit at how he didn't fit from you sitting by yourself, so when he forced himself all the way in you by pushing you down by your hips, your hands flew to his shoulders and shook violently. "yun, baby. fuck me, please. i need your cock," you begged.

your begging made yunho immediately fuck up into you as you began to incoherently babble again, along with your high pitched whimpers. despite your attempts to hold off, you found yourself wanting to let go after two minutes of yunho's thrusting. "i wanna cum," you whined out, brows furrowing from the intense pleasure. "please let me cum. daddy, please."

yunho almost stopped then and there. once he heard that word, his brain short-circuited as he then started thrusting roughly like a mad man. "cum for daddy, tiny."

"shit, daddy~~," you whined out while you felt yunho brutally assaulting your spot. you breathed out a satisfied moan as you felt yourself clench and cum once again on yunho's cock.

the grip your core had on yunho's lower self made it hard for him to move, causing yunho to feel the pleasure of your pussy practically trying to milk his cock dry. although he felt himself cumming, he needed to let go on your body for the camera view. he pulled out the best he could, discarded the condom in the near trash bin and jerked off to your spent body until he came with a loud moan. you felt ropes and ropes of thick cum land on your chest and pelvis. you were so glad he didn't cum in you unprotected. yet, since you plan for him to some day.

the cameraman allowed a few more moments to pass before speaking up. "so you're both spent, huh?" you and yunho both chuckled before nodding. "let's see the results of big boy here," he joked. you opened up your legs while the camera zoomed in once more. your pussy was red and a bit agape, your engorged clit visibly throbbing. "he fucked you good, didn't he." the cameraman commented mindlessly.

you nodded and chuckled before closing your legs. "yeah, he did." yunho sat next to you and pulled you up for another kiss. "no way am i leaving him. that cock was way too good," you stated half jokingly.

yunho laughed before rubbing your hips. "im glad because i don't want you to leave either." you both made out with each other until the producer wrapped up the scene.

you both got blankets from to wrap around, and after asking how the session went, yunho invited you to lunch. you were excited to see if his friendship skills were as good as his sex skills. but you had a feeling that they'd be better than you'd expect.

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

would you believe me if i said that ive had this in the drafts since late july? yeah, and i kept revising it... hope you liked it!

[lifesteal-headcanons]

I'm gonna put the glitch in glitch duo right now and rant about them and how their glitches work because I am so normal about them (lie)

Okay, so I barely got into Lifesteal like. Late last year because of Squiddo joining and I lowkey got really hyped for it and seeing Ash and Squiddo together I was like.. Woah.. New fav duo alert.. And then found that there was no fancontent and had to make it myself so.

Anywho! Ashswag, as we already know, has that lil.. Thing over his left eye (?) That a lot of us (me) has interpreted as like. Glitching. So to start us off, I believe that glitching can stem from messing with your own player code/others player code/server codes/using mods with like. Virus' or something idk im not that smart. And from the Ashswag videos I've watched we can kind of tell where Ash fits in there by like. Fucking with how servers work and therefore fucking up his own code.

Squiddo's code is glitched because.. Have you watched Squiddo's videos? Naw but fr, she's constantly putting the most cancer inducing mods on her game, playing mods that can definitely fry their pc, playing minecraft on a USB DRIVE?? Which would DELETE chunks to MAKE MORE OF ITSELF so like. You can see where I'm going with this. So obviously, their code gets fucked up and the more they do these mods and plug ins and - whatever the hell, the more their code because intangible and unable to be fixed.

So, with that, I'm gonna go ahead and explain how I think their glitching works and how it affects their body/like.. Everything else.

Ashswag's glitches, as we can see, are more visible to the eye. Literally over his damn eye. I'm gonna go ahead and assume that gives him some partial blindness in his left eye. Also, from some fics that ive read ive seen people give him like, back problems and chronic pain that he probably had before but the glitches DEFINITELY don't help at all and instead make the pain way worse than it already is so. Yay!

While Ash's are more physical, I feel like Squiddo's are more like. Mental? If you catch my drift? While Ash is stumbling down into a heap of pain on the floor because his back is killing him, Squiddo is standing in the hallway staring at him wondering why the guy from the one house smp is crumbling on the floor in front of them on a server they swore they were not on a few weeks ago.

So yeah. Memory loss Squiddo. Also inspired from a fic that I do know! I'll link the fics I got inspired from at the end because they are genuinely such good reads and great ideas.

But I decided that memory loss best fit Squiddo, because tbh they are pretty forgetful. And I take their goofy hijinks and shenanigans as just. Squiddo having to recollection of anything and just trying to do something (which she's probably done before) to job their memory but oh well. I feel as if the memory loss is more of a living in the farlands thing rather than glitched out fucked-up code inducing thing, but whatever. The only time we see glitched out Squiddo is on thumbnails! So I feel like whenever Squiddo joins a server or world that's previously glitched or like. They're already pretty glitched, it really takes its toll and fucks up the whole thing and makes it a memory loss disaster for Squiddo.

And because of Squiddo's horrible memory, they can never recollect and find out what the hell happened to the world to make it this glitched out when in reality she's the reason the world is so glitched.

Except when joining servers! Surprisingly, they don't experience those things when joining servers while when joining worlds the world would become discombobulated and delete itself just after a few hours. Funsies! Which they realize when they join the one house smp just to explore it and then they find ASHSWAG!! And then realizes that HE'S GLITCHED TOO!! YAYY!!! And then they absolutely BOMBARDDDD him with questioned like "why do my worlds always delete themselves?", "what causes someone to have a glitched code?" And "how are servers able to not glitch out?" Etc etc which Ashswag answers and then BOOM! FRIENDSHIP!!!

Basically the only reason servers are able to work for them is because theres like.. This other thing cody whatever that prevents it to idk im not smart. This is not compliant with my past fics written about this stuff but oh wellsies.

Another thing I have made up is 'glitch fever' where basically they just get sick because of their fucked up code and glitches. Yeah. Also based off a fic I read where being around Ashswag too much can make you sick and stuff. I feel like their are certain people who are immune to it like Reddoons (purely because of Swagdoons and nothing else) and Squiddo (because they also glitch tf out and Swagsquid/silly).

Another thing I've like. Headcanoned (because this is all just me reading too much into things and making too many headcanons about) is that their glitches also like.. Made their body tempature irregular. This is so random but it was just something I thought of and then I wrote a fic about it. Like, Ash is constantly fucking cold and on a hot ass texas summer day he'll feel a little warm. Same for Squiddo just vice versa. I love them. The sillies. I want to put them in a terrarium and study them.

That's.. All I have I'm pretty sure. Hello I am Swagsquid the #1 Glitch Duo Writer/Enthusiast and the #1 Swagsquid Shipper (the ONLY Swagsquid shipper..) and thank you for listening to my ted talk.

Fics I took inspiration from:

"Dear Diary: Today, I killed someone" by Fey_wilde on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/52170592)

"I Feel Too Weak to Stand" by Eternal_Era on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/48067240)

"fault lines" by garlic_sauc3 on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/41924196)

Fics I've written based on this idea:

"Glitch fever" by (ME!!) Swagsquid on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/53400835)

"The warmth of another's embrace" by Swagsquid on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/53449573/chapters/135284551)

"Forgotten hot chocolate" by Swagsquid on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/54350146)

(Please read the tags and ratings before reading some of the fics!)

.

[carrickbender]

Sunday 7-

I had 2 drs appointments on Friday, one of which was a CT that was supposed to help figure out why I have so much pain in my right testicle(TMI). It saw nothing, so now we get to keep guessing. Boss told me to "take weekend off", but was doing the morning orders/teams call every day between 5-7, trying to fix stuff and do reconciliations. Glad they trust me with this, but wanna give a 'high five' to my imposter syndrome telling me im gonna get fired any day.

- had to take Henry to urgent care on Saturday, and it turns out he has the start of pneumonia. Wanna give a big shout out to the ARNP who told me she really thought he should just 'ride it out' after 10 days of awful coughing and that their kids 'were still in it after a month'. Yeah, the PA said there was no way he wasn't leaving without antibiotics. Made me feel like an asshole parent... he's on day 2, and already more of himself.

- I went back up there today for me, and I have pretty severe bronchitis. He put me on a different antibiotic, more steroids, refilled my inhaler, and actually listened to me. I mean, I appreciated his care and actual concern. Fun situation: while I was there, a tree fell across the powerlines and tripped off most of town, so they had to go to back-up generators. There was a hall full of people, in a brown out, that the staff were managing like pros. Seriously, we are lucky to have that place.

-after today, I have 4 payments left on my car. 4. I think we will wait till June, and then it's 4 door vehicle time. The lunabug is getting taller, and we want to go see my dad/stepmom in Eastern Wa in something that has space. Everybody and their dog has sent me one of those damn, "interested in a new car loan? It's OK to check your rate, and won't hurt your credit" messages and as soon as my credit union chimes in, I'm sure we'll have something to talk about.

- speaking of something to not talk about, I learned a new term and joined a subredit today called 'dead bedrooms', and yeah, checks out completely. I don't have a therapist yet, so it's not a bad sorce of info or me trying to figure out what I have messed up(apparently, yet again).

- so I had to stop at Walmart(yay for small business destruction by a corporate giant!) for meds/a few groceries and this dingus in an f250 with a WA st license plate celebrating wrestling decided he needed to back into a compact space that was in front of me. He almost hit the first car on the way in(who had to stop and back up), but then he literally backed his 'not a farm truck but a penis extension' into the compact space in front of me, and thanks to me backing up knowing he would have been sticking out if I didn't, he took 3 feet of my spot and his hitch was literally 4 inches from hitting my car. In my space. And that entitled piece of shit didn't even look to see how close he was, he just walked away like he was the king of backing up. Look, I have no problem with wrestlers, but the only one who matters in my life is John Irving, and I think he would have been sensitive enough not to be a shit bird like that! (Part 1 of 2 rant)

- I wanted to share a thought or 2 about something I've seen going about on here for a little bit, because I think i need to say avfew things:

I love that I have so many people I follow here who take stances for the poor, marginalized, POC, and other underrepresented communities-not just in a perfunctory way of saying 'I support you'; but quite a few of you are actually involved in helping bring about change and strengthening communities by being unselfish hands that help heal hearts- you inspire me to be a better person, really. As a person of faith, I see you doing the work that many faith leaders of old spoke of when they talked of when they said, "serve as you have been served, and love as you have been loved"- and seeing that faith in action, it has made me read more about liberation theology and revisit the works of the Rt Rev Bishop Desmond Tutu, Dietrich Bonhoffer, and Dr Martin Luther King jr(and of the later, 'Why I oppose the war in Vietnam' is just as relevant now as it was then). I thank you all for this inspiration and work.

But what I have really come to realize about myself is that I am a person of privilege. I am a white CISmale, straight, accessed a good education at a young age, had a huge extended family that helped raise me when my mom had me at 17, have never had to worry about my gender causing me to be looked at differently, have a good job(for now), have access to clean water, don't live in a food desert, and save for the fact that I understood discrimination at a very young age thanks to my last name, I know that I have lived a mostly privileged life.

But there is one privilege I will never take for granted, and that's voting. And yes, I don't always vote my conscience because at heart, I am a democratic Socialist. But I always vote in my local and state house election because it is in places like your local school board or your city council where you can stop the spread of groups like 'Moms for Liberty' or any of the other neo-fascist organizations that seek to change education or change for the worse how cities deal with their population experiencing homelessness. If I stay home from these elections, I feel like I'm spitting on my great grandmother's grave(whose name I found on the voting roll of the first year that women could vote in Basin, Montana). I feel like I'm not being a good parent or a community member for sticking up for my sons right(or other kids rights) to read books in the school library that have a rainbow(let alone letting kids see representation for non-traditional families that are just the same as everybody else!). So please, if you're feeling crappy about the election, this right here is the biggest way to affect change if you don't know where to start or affirm.there is something you can do to really make a difference. Don't see enough representation of POC on your city council, especially in multi-ethnic communities? Hear a trans voice that would make for a great representative for all people? Fill in those boxes, act locally, and get those folks elected! It works if you work it!

I hear a lot of voices talking about Joe Biden these days, and I feel numb and angry about a lot of things that have been done in our names too: I hate HATE what is happening in Gaza(PBUT); I hate our support of Saudi Arabia and the proxy war in Yemen; Our jaunts in Zaire and Jordan; I hate that we are no closer to universal Healthcare, but I understand that that road and others lead through a Republican congress. I love that child poverty is declining, but programmes that were designed to make this a reality are sunsetting. We have a barbaric and truly archaic policy on immigration, and every time(that's not hyperbole, either), every goddamn time a good bill has been proposed to deal with the issue, the bill has been met by the xenophobic forces on the right and their deep pockets fueling the media and it is destroyed out of fear. And let's not forget student debt forgiveness, the continued dismantling of public education by states like Texas and Florida, Our goal of dismantling of the prison industrial complex, the protection of reproductive healthcare, and the dire need for nationwide police reform.

Yes, our laundry list is long, but it is full of necessary things that need to change or be codified in order for a great change to happen for generations and the continuatonof this great experiment called the U.S.A.

And for all of this and more, I ask: where are the leaders of our generation on this? Where are the ghosts of John Lewis, of Paul Wellstone, and of Shirley Chisholm? Thankfully, our leaders and the ghostsbof their forebearers are there- they are doing their best, and thankfully we(those of us on the progressive side) are represented by POC women who will go to the mat for these issues and more, being inspired by those who came before them. But the more that I think about it, it's time that we offer an ultimatum: we'll give you our voting block, Joe. We'll help bring along the majority of the 9 million new voters who are coming of age this year, so you will have a supermajority with which you can put forth truly transformative legislation. Sure, you'll get us- for now. But if it's businesses as usual, if we are not knocking over the tables of the money changers, and if we are not investing more in programmes of social uplift than we are for the military industrial complex, then we strike. Not in 2028, as one of my absolute favourite people on here suggest, but in 2026, in early summer. Because it is people like me, those of us who have know privilege and continue to know it, who are finally waking up to the truth that we need to do the work. We need to do the heavy lifting. I'm willing to make that offer, and I hope I'm not alone, because there either needs to be a change in the way our political system operates, or we walk away and start our own political entity. I hope I'm not alone in the way I feel, and I hope that we can all make the proposition. We have the leaders, we have the people, now it's about courage. It's time.

But for today, if you can pull the lever for democrats nationally, I totally get it. But consider what I said about voting locally, and in local races and elect people who represent your values. It matters.

- ok, rant over: if you made it this far, know that I love you all and I hope this week brings good things for you. Remember what Pete Seeger always said: "Take it easy, but take it". Much love yall!

[blueberry-ovaries]

CHAPTER THREE : BROKEN NOSES ARE A GREAT CONVERSATION STARTER

A/N: thank you guys for reading hiraeth! This chapter is longer than the last, but i’m not to sure if i’m happy with it as much… However, Winnie’s back story gets explained slightly more so yay!

Word Count: 2.7k

Content Warnings: descriptions of war related wounds, PTSD, blood, violence, my horrible writing of dialogue for certain characters, probable OOC

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After Eugene Roe, brazenly reset her nose, and Winnie had again showered. She found herself sitting on the steps to the barracks. Cigarette in hand, she smoked, even though she knew if her mother saw her right now, she’d pull her by the ear and smack across the back of the head. But she wasn’t here. So Winnie sat listening to the crickets chirping under the Georgian sky.

The sun set two hours ago, all that was left was the inky black of the sky, spotted with small stars. She couldn’t make out any constellations, the southern cross wasn’t all too present this far away from home. She liked to think that maybe back home, her siblings and parents were looking up at the same stars, wondering what life was like on the other side like she was. But, maybe that was her just being hopeful.

Somewhere between the end of her first cigarette and the start of her second, the door of the barracks creaked open. The planks groaning under the weight of this new person. Without turning her head, Winnie took another drag of her cigarette.

“Alright if i sit with you again?” a soft voice sounds from behind her

Looking back with a small smile, Winnie gives a small nod, and turns back to look out at the sky.

“You don’t gotta sit with me” she answers, tapping the butt of her cigarette “or pretend to be my friend ‘cause you feel bad”

The stars were out in numbers tonight, not a cloud in the sky.

“I ain’t doing nothing cause i feel bad” Shifty frowns as he sits beside her

Releasing a short huff of air out of her nose, Winnie takes another drag, before turning to look at him, really look at him.

“Sorry” she mumbles “for assumin’. I get the feeling most people around here don’t want me here”

Shifty shuffles slightly in his spot, taking to looking up at the sky rather than at Winnie. She can tell by the way he fiddles with his fingers, he’s nervous.

“Well, i guess i ain’t most people” He turns to look at Winnie “i figured if you can beat us all up currahee… and can fight, i got no problem with you bein’ here”

Winnie gives him a soft smile, stamping out her cigarette with a nod

“That’s… really nice to hear, thank you Shifty”

The two sit in silence, listening to the crickets chirp. The door to the barracks open again, floorboards creaking under the weight.

“How’s the nose?” a southern drawl breaks the silence

Winnie and Shifty both look behind them, making eye contact with Eugene.

“Still on my face” her lip quirking slightly

“What happened to your nose?” Shifty asks confused

“Broke it” she answers bluntly “doc here had to reset it”

“Well are you alright? how did you break it?” Shifty’s tone is quite frantic. It was nice to have someone care about you, even if you just met them.

“She’ll be fine, it’s back in place” Eugene answers slowly

“Passed out running currahee” Winnie gives a small smile and a nod at Shifty, reassuring the man that, yes, she would be fine “but, it’s not the worst wound i’ve had, im sure i’ll survive a broken nose”

The worst wound, to heal by far was the bullet that went through her torso, missing her major organs, apparently bursting an appendix. it was a miracle Winnie had survived, given that the doc was a weasily man from up far northern territory, and had barely passed highschool. The most constant was the wound on her right knee, a piece of shrapnel slicing through, sometimes the nerves in her knee pinch, when it’s too cold, or she’s over worked.

But psychologically? the wound on her cheek held the most pain. Nightmares, and flashes of the man hell bent on taking her life that night. The wound itself wasn’t all too painful, a sharp knife slices through skin and muscle like it’s melted butter. Sometimes she can still smell the hot breath of the Nazi soldier when the cooks make beans. Sometimes the sound of metal makes her body tense, muscles freezing impossibly tight. It wasn’t luck that saved Winnie that night, it was the work of a rabid dog forced to chew of its own leg to be set free, cornered by a force bigger and stronger, barring teeth and biting flesh.

“…Winnie?” Shifty’s voice is soft, like the way one soothes a wild animal, was he scared of her like she was of herself?

“Sorry… what?” she breaks her stare at the grass, brown and dehydrated.

“I asked if you was alright?” He looks at her with worry

Turning her head to look at both men, Winnie nods

“I’m fine, sorry… just remembered something” she waves a hand like it was no big deal

“i hope you don’t mind my asking” Shifty asks “did you serve before this… is that what you’re remembering?”

Winnie winces slightly, having people know she served usually never ended up well for her. Either they believed she was a liar woman can’t serve, stop playing pretend and let the real soldiers get the honours, shame on your father for allowing a girl to serve in his place or they all wanted to know what it was like, what she had seen, felt.

“Something like that” she winces

Eugene stands closest to the door of the barrack, silently taking in the scene, Shifty stares at Winnie, a look of shock on his face

“Is that why you’re so good at runnin’?” Shifty breaks the silence first “you know, with all the gear and everything aswell”

A short huff of air is the response, before she decides to give a proper answer

“Yeah, had to get good at running and carrying things” she confirms

“You ain’t from around here are you?”

“Not even close, australia.” she smiles proudly

“What’s it like?” Shifty asks with genuine interest

Winnie looks out at the pitch black sky and sighs

“I’ll tell ya what, it’s late and i’m sure we have to be up early, i’ll tell you at breakfast” Winnie smiles. It wasn’t a question, she would tell him tomorrow, not tonight.

“I’d like that” he smiles giddily “the doc too?”

“If that’s what he wants” Winnie confirms, looking up at Eugene

——

Winnie did not end up telling Shifty and Doc about Australia the next morning. Easy company, curtesy of Sobel, we’re woken at the ass of dawn, and dragged up currahee. Thankfully, not in full packs.

Under the early morning sun, post currahee run. Sobel had told easy company to stand in a group around the large grassy area near the barracks. In rows, each soldier stood with their chins tilted up and waiting with baited breaths for their next instructions

“Lieutenant Winters, do you know as to why we are standing in the field today?” bellows Sobel’s voice. Like nails on a chalk board

Lieutenant Winters shifts his gaze towards Sobel, a look of hesitation in his eyes as he answers

“To fight, sir” as bluntly as usual, he answers

“Correct. Today Easy company will undergo the art of hand to hand combat.” Sobel’s voice

When Winnie made eye contact with Sobel, her body began tingling with nerves. His small smirk and vengeful glint in his eyes told Winnie all she needed to know. This was going to hurt.

“I will pair you up, and you will do your best to get the other man to the ground” He lets his announcement hang in the air “by any means necessary, until they tap out ”

Whispers erupted from around Winnie as she took to manually breathing. She was confident in her fighting ability. She can fight, has fought men twice her size before. But when her CO is actively scheming to send her back to her poor mother in a casket? That’s a whole new level.

“When i state your name, find an open area and wait for your next instructions” Lieutenant Winters spoke. For a man in position of power, he spoke firmly yet not harshly, like he knew we respected him, even without the bravado.

“Malarky and Luz” Winters calls out names, most of the men had partners, except for Winnie, two smaller men she learnt are Perconte and Muck… and a muscular man with a frown that she thinks is permanent on his face.

Give me Muck or Perconte, give me a small person to start. Winnie had her eyes screwed shut, fingers crossed behind her back.

“Toye and…” Winters lets out a sorrowful sigh “Hayes”

shit. this is really going to hurt.

——

Toye and Winnie stand opposite each other. Sizing each other up before their fight. Sure she had experience, but he was bigger and stronger and probably pissed, if the look on his face was anything to go by.

“When i say so, you and your partner will partake in hand to hand combat. And you will not stop until either one of you taps out or in the case of a blackout.” Sobel’s voice carries over the group. “you may use any body part in aiding your victory”

Beside Winnie and Toye, on their right was Shifty and Talbert, the former staring at Winnie, his eyes downturned as he frowned in worry.

Rolling her shoulders with a deep, shaking sigh, she runs through a mental checklist. He’s bigger, which means he could be slower, but given the way he stands he looks like he’s seen a few fights. If i can get him to the floor, i’d have to make sure to not be the one on the ground.

“You may begin.” Sobel smirks as he directs his eyes towards the small Australian.

——

Toye and Winnie exchanged nods, both pulling their hands into closed fists.

“I don’t wanna hurt you” Winnie sighed

“I wouldn’t worry about it doll” he smirks, voice raspy.

Winnie rolls her eyes, as they start to circle each other.

He throws the first punch. Winnie dodges, too slow. His fist makes contact with her chin, pain blossoming in her jaw. With a slight wince, Winnie jabs out with her left fist, her weak hand, with a small tap to his chest

“Come on sweetheart, that all you got?” he taunts with a smirk

Winnie narrows her eyes, and clenches her fists

“Fine.” she huffs, cracking her neck.

Jabbing out her right hand, she makes contact with his cheek. Toye retaliates with another punch to her jaw. The two trade punches back and forth. Many of the men had finished their fight, now watching on as Winnie and Toye found their selves on the floor.

He has her locked into a headlock. Winnie squirms to free her arm, swinging it back into his stomach. She sees men out of the corner of her eye exchanging money and placing bets

“Come on Joe, you gonna let her get you like that?” comes from a loud mouthed man

Sobel and Winters push through the crowd forming, The formers eyes glaring down at Toye and Winnie fighting in the dirt. Winnie has her chest to the ground and armed pinned behind her back, With an armed wrapped around her neck.

She heaves. Chest constricting as she fights to get the hand away from her neck. panicked.

German soldier. Knife. Scar. Dirty uniform. i can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. fight back, fight back!

Her eyes widen, tears collecting as she twists and squirms

“Come on doll, tap out.” Toye grumbles “you ain’t gonna win this one”

Her chest shudders and heaves as the half intakes of air cause her lungs to burn.

“what’s a pretty thing like you doing here”. Teeth flashing, in a predatory grin. The course sand on my back and the moon shining brightly, so beautiful despite the horrors she sees from her chair in the sky.

“She just fuckin’ bit me!” he yells

The tangy metallic coats her tongue as she scrambles backwards. Chest heaving as the world around her becomes mere background noise, eyes widening and darting around her surroundings. The blood drips from her chin onto her training shirt. out. out. out.

Unsteadily she stands, shaky breaths and wobbling knees. The looks of horror on the faces of the easy men blur together

“-nie?” a soft voice calls, Shifty, a hand carefully placed on her shoulder

“Don’t fucking touch me” her voice shakes, eyes red rimmed with tears as she bats the hand away.

She needed to get out. Backing away in horror to what she had done, she ran, ignoring the angry calls of her name, and the curses at her actions. Tears burning in her eyes, and blood smeared on her face.

——

Her knees gave out somewhere near the barracks she had never been to. A hidden place between the barracks and the tree line, Winnie kneeled over on her hands and knees, heaving up what little food she had eaten that morning.

Tears steaks down her flushed cheeks, as she shakes uncontrollably. get it together. Her shoulders shake as she takes deep breaths, her chin stained a slight red.

She falls back, sitting amongst the grass and trees, pulling her legs up to her chest, she lays her head against her knees as she stares out at the wildlife. Her cheeks red, tear marks stained down to her chin, leaving lines through the dried blood. she was a rabid dog who couldn’t control herself, all instincts telling her to bite instead of bark.

A cool breeze settled around the camp. The late afternoon weather change starting to draw in. She’d sat out in the brush for twenty minutes before she was found.

“I’m assuming you’re the ‘Hayes’ they’ve been looking for?” A man’s voice calls out

Hastily wiping the tears from her cheeks and scrubbing the blood off her chin with the back of her hand, as much as she could anyway, she turns to stare up at him

“I suppose i am” she mumbles

He was tall, and handsome. A frown etched onto his face, as he plucks out a cigarette and lights it

“You… uh got some…” he wipes at his own chin

For such a handsome man, one would think he was able to hold a conversation

“I don’t bite… you can sit” Winnie mumbles

“That’s not what i’ve heard” his lip ticks at the corner slightly

Winnie’s body freezes, jaw clenching tightly as she looks up with widening eyes

“I- well-“ she stutters

“I’m pulling your leg kid” he states, sitting down a good foot away from her

Winnie nods absently, wiping harshly at the blood on her chin, now clear of the remnants of her fight.

“How bad?” she asks softly, playing with her fingers

“Hmm?” he muses “his finger is still attached and functioning if that is what you are implying.”

“Good… that’s good” she nods “don’t want people to think i’m some sort of… psychopath who bites off peoples fingers”

“The way i see it, nothing wrong with people being scared of you” he smirks “even tertius knew the value of being feared”

Winnie freezes and stares up at the man with sad eyes

“I don’t want people to be scared of me” she whispers “i just want them to like me… i just want to make friends here, not make people afraid”

The man gives a small frown, one she assumes is rare for the stern looking soldier

“Ron” he nods around a puff of his cigarette before offering it to Winnie

“Excuse me?” she raises an eyebrow, hesitantly taking the cigarette

“If you want friends, you need to know their name, no? unless that has changed” he supplies

Winnie takes a puff of the cigarette and hands it back with a thankful smile

“it’s nice to meet you Ron” she smiles “everyone calls me Winnie.”

maybe, just maybe, she could survive this war.

——

A/N: HI! thank you for reading chapter three of hiraeth! i hope it didnt disappoint! :)) ALSO: you can pry rabid dog imagery from my cold dead hands.

TAG LIST: @malarkgirlypop @mads-weasley @footprintsinthesxnd @bucky32557038ww2 @grumpy-liebgott @executethyself35

[nayaaatv]

"only for you" - wen junhui

# : idol! jun x non! idol reader, fluff, established relationship.

warnings ! : a kinda jealous reader LMAO, and a bit of swearing.

wc ! : 0.6k <3

a/n : this was like a super old draft from juns bday, it wouldnt post back then so i just forgot about it but im posting it now so yay (had to fix it a bit cuz its not his bday anymore so hehe)

you stared at your phone competitively. ofcourse, you were never bothered by jun replying to fans on weverse, you barely even check weverse, but this one caught your eye.

♡ : have a great day jun !! hope you enjoy your break <3

🐱 : thank you babe ! ^^

you scrunched your nose. 'its just like, fanservice' you thought to yourself. although there was a suspicious feeling growing in your stomach.

gasp??? jealousy!? you put your phone down and got up to get a glass of water, forgetting to shut your phone off.

right on time, your beloved boyfriend walks in with a grin on his face, excited to see yours. you can sense his confused expression after seeing your quite moody face.

"babe! .. babe?" he said as you turned around slightly shocked. he smiled, you smiled back faintly as you go to sit back down on the couch.

"babe? is something wrong?" he said, worried. you turned your head around to look at him and sighed dramatically.

"oh nothing nothing, did you like the gift i got you?" you said, trying to change the subject so he doesn't tease you for eternity.

"okay, one, i loved the sweet matching rings you got me im most definitely going to wear them till we get real ones, and two don't even try changing the subject, love. your tricks dont work on me." he puffs.

soon enough he's sat down with you on the couch, trying to get you to confess whatever is going on in your head. you put your glass down and crossed your arms, staring at him fiercely. he tilted his head in confusion, like a cat (hehe).

"did i do something wrong?" he asked

no reply.

"babe? are you mad at me?" he asked again, more confused and worried as ever.

"no..." you mumbled. he asked more questions until your eyes went to your phone lying on the table, which was still open.

his cat eyes followed yours and his first instinct was... to grab it. he ran as fast as he could whilst holding the phone in the air. you bet the neighbours could hear you both laughing and shouting from the chasing.

you were basically tackling him as he was reading your phone carefully but rather quickly.

he started laughing. you sighed and dropped your head onto his chest in defeat.

"babyyy" he whined as you got off of him.

you scoffed as he chuckled. he was choking on his own laughs.

"what??? what what what?" you said, annoyed. he opened his mouth to speak, but muttered a small 'fuck it' and picked you up like a teddy bear.

"wen jun-fucking-hui if you dont put me down right now." you warned him, but he didn't even flinch.

he walked over to your room, plopping you down on the bed. before you could get up, he was all over you, basically cuddling you.

"jun--" he cut you off with a simple kiss. it was soft as always. it calmed you down in a click. you ran your fingers through his hair before he pulled away to breathe.

"you're sooo cute" he admitted quietly, making the atmosphere much softer. you sigh as he snuggles himself into your neck.

"you have absolutely nothing to be jealous of, you know that right?." he said softly.

"ofcourse i know that! i trust you but, you were basically throwing yourself at her." you joked.

"im only for you, only you." he said in an assuring tone.

you ended up cuddling and talking about the most random stuff for hours. even though he was supposed to hangout with the guys, he just couldn't leave his love alone.

he kissed you the whole day, but like, everywhere! if he was wearing lipstick it would look like you just stabbed someone. his lips were all over you! but you know, only for you. only for his baby ♡

end!

✦ ; @odetoyeonjun @stuckinmyhead5 @guavagyu @starry-mins @pearlygraysky @enhacolor @khypods @yoonzin0 @enha-choo @shadowofgyu

m.list ¯\(° °)/¯

[manonamora-if]

ive been looking at the ifcomp and i think im gonna do it. any advice for a firsttimer? what should i expect? what was your experience?

Hi Anon!

First of all, congrats on taking the leap! I know it can be quite daunting to participate in one of the biggest and oldest IF Competition there is currently. Takes quite a bit of guts to do it! Yay, you!

Suuuper long ask answer because you asked questions requiring long answers, where I probably repeated myself multiple times.

IFComp Advice

What to expect?

What was my experience?

TLDR: it's hard but also fun. Def recommend at one point (unless ranking makes you go blerg... then do the SpringThing or an unranked game jam).

IFComp Advice

I do have some advice for you, especially if you are planning on submitting a game to the IFComp this year, which is less than a month away:

Be Ready for your work to be judged and reviewed by people. Some will be harsh, some will be kind, most will be fair. If you are not fully open to criticism, especially negative one, the voting period will sting like hell. It is also fine not to read any review or comment about your entry, but a head's up is important.

Be prepared to rank low. If you follow the advice below, you probably won't end up last place. But the competition is stiff. Authors often spend a year or two on their entries before they submit. If you know you can't handle rankings, go for the SpringThing instead. More chill.

Submit your intent to participate NOW! The deadline is Sept 1st, but it's easy to put it off and forget. And intent to participate doesn't mean you have to submit something. You can back out at any moment (even during the voting period).

Check the rules and timeline of the comp (@ifcomp). You don't want to disqualify yourself by mistake...

Keep it short: 15 to 30 min of gameplay. There is less than one month left, and you want plenty of time to make sure your entry is as polish as possible! I took 3 months last time and it was a buggy mess on Day 1 of the voting period.

Use a program you know, or a simple one with good documentation or guides. You might have time in a month to learn how to use a complex program, but I wouldn't recommend it. List at the end.

Create something simple but airtight. You are racing against time. Shooting for the moon with something complex could work, or it could land you in the bottom. Usually, it is best to create a game which is doing little, but doing it very well, than submitting a behemoth that can't even do its core gameplay loop right every time (dissing myself, yes). Sam Ashwell has some good article for choice-based, Emily Short for parser puzzles.

Your prose should have as little grammar mistakes as possible. Pass your text through as many grammar checkers, and maybe some human testers (beta). The more eyes you have on it, the better. Hate to say it but, avoid word crimes there...

Have some impactful interactivity, that makes sense with the story. Puzzle, branching of variation, etc... Even if all of it is fake, and you are pushing the player through a linear story, the player shouldn't feel like they are just flipping pages of a book. I am not talking about the quantity, but the quality of the interactivity. Emily Short has some great article about that stuff.

Don't have bugs. Should be obvious, but you know... I didn't follow that one and got (rightly) roasted for it in the reviews. Test your game (and have people test your game) A LOT.

Style your project a little bit (if possible). It doesn't have to be fancy, but as simple as changing the colour of the background and the text, maybe the font of the text as well (!!! it should still be readable) can go a long way. Also appreciated but never mandatory: different formatting for different bits of text, some animation in the text, having images, having audio, having accessibility settings (theme, font, visual, audio)... Again, those are pointers. Leave this for last.

Credit where credit is due. Code, assets, beta-tester, etc... anything you did not make from scratch, or anyone helping you along the way, should be added in a credit page. Also credit yourself for what you did :P you deserve to show off your efforts!

Test your game relentlessly. Yes it bares repeating, I've done that mistake. Don't be me. Test your stuff again. Have people break your game.

Edit your submission page with care. Have a grabbing hook for your synopsis, an eye catching image, and any relevant documents the players would need (i.e. walkthrough). DON'T FORGET TO ADD A WAY FOR PLAYER REACH YOU FOR BUGS!

MOST IMPORTANTLY: Have fun! If you have fun making your entry, it will show in the writing and how the game is constructed.

Hypertext/Choice-based: Twine (Harlowe, SugarCube), Ink/Inklewriter, Moiki, ChoiceScript Parser: Adventuron

Oh... and good luck. You'll need it :P

If you are thinking of next year instead, most of these advice applies. You can just rule out the intent submission for now, the length of the game (1h gameplay is usually the sweet spot), and the program to use (though take one you understand). The rest could work for any comp honestly.

What to Expect?

The IFComp period in an exciting time where many people gather to play games and talk about them. Many people submit stuff yearly, sometimes with good results, sometimes it's atrocious. Sometimes, authors who haven't been seen in a while reappear to show off their labour of love or review other people's games. It can be very intense and overwhelming if you are participating (author or player).

As an author, you should expect (not exhaustive):

deadline (intent/game/voting),

potentially getting comments for bugs (and having to update, which you are allowed to),

seeing reviews and discussions about your entry (mainly on the IntFiction Forum, but sometimes on blogs too): good stuff, negative stuff, and people missing the point entirely or having bad take, or takes you didn't think about.

seeing people rating your entry on the IFDB (rating =/= vote, but can be a flawed indicator)

feelings galore (good, bad, ugly, anxious), especially stressing about the results

having to remind yourself that no one can judge everything completely objectively (expect when it comes to bugs, it is or it isn't), and that people vote for what they like.

following the rules on the IFComp website

a special private group on the IntFiction forum to discuss with other authors when the voting period starts, as well as posting reviews,

maybe get a prize at the end? (depends on your placement)

Honestly, it can be pretty rough. This is not an easy competition. Most people have been working on those projects for months or years. Some have for just a few weeks, but their pieces can be out of this world. Only the organisers have an idea of who is competing ahead of time, and how competitive it could be from year to year (i.e. did big names come out or not).

While reviews and ratings can give you an indication of how your game is faring with players, you will not be able to know until the votes are actually out (case and point: me, thought I did much better than reality). Either way, it will be a surprise, good, bad, disappointing...

Speaking of reviewers, most will try to be as partial as possible and going into every entry with an open mind. But, there are harsh reviewers out there, as well as kind ones. It is not unusual to see blunt reviews, especially if something ticked the player (bugs usually).

But also, it's loads of fun! You have a bunch of very serious people debating on minor things, newcomers trying out the comp and sometimes even reaching the stars, oldcomers popping by for a cup promising they will review ever game and then disappearing after three, a lot of very very very good games to play, so many different perspectives on what if IF, and feeling like you have a voice in what should be crowned the best of the competition!

It's weird, it's serious, it's goofy...

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best... but most importantly, have some fun. And do what's best for your mental health!

What was my experience?

I think I've talked about it quite extensively in my Post-Mortem for The Thick Table Tavern. Read that before the end of this, for context.

And almost a year after this experience (on this day, I was frantically writing), I think my feelings have changed quite a bit. I went into the competition guns-blazing without understanding the importance of things (bugs/grammar especially) and thinking I had done the absolute most and breaking the genre, believed I did sooooo much better than any other entry, got very dramatic when the first non-positive reviews came in, and was about to throw my shit when I saw the 1s in the voting curve. I am only a bit over-exaggerating here.

I definitely deserved the placement I got. Don't misunderstand, I am incredibly proud of what I achieved there! But... there were major issues for sure. And I've come around to recognise those.

Those 1s-2s were warranted, those negative comments were warranted: the first version was buggy as hell (which I think was the version in the mass downloadable packet? and I updated the game like 20 times), there are still a bunch of issues with the prose (I learned my em dash lesson!), the pacing is aaaalll the way off (I thought I was being cheeky, but didn't always land)... This was something way different for the comp, maybe more experimental than people expected (I mean, who does a click-only bar for a text-based comp...)? But most importantly, while it looked polished, you just needed to play a few minutes to see the varnish crack...

To say the least, I got slapped back to reality. HARD. This was a mediocre good-looking game. Real pretty, big flaws. And that's ok (not putting myself down). Not every game can be winners (unless it's La Petite Mort or DOL-OS :P), not every game will work as intended. You can rack all the trophies all the times. Sometimes you're just at the bottom.

All this might sound hella negative, but I am incredibly grateful for this experience. I have learned so much about game creation, coding, writing, what to do and avoid... There are things I probably wouldn't have learned had I not participated (or not as early). I have created friendships (and rivalries /jk) and found a community where I feel comfortable being this experimental with my work (hey, it worked for DOL-OS!) and continuing breaking the codes. It's renewed my drive to create and do more: games, experiments, trying new program, but also for the community, helping out, creating guides and templates, giving advice...

And I've found a bit of love for reviewing stuff it turns out.

I've made my peace.

And I have plans for a new pretty weird game for a future IFComp ;) I will make people cringe again :P Hopefully not because of bugs!

Final sidenote: I am still not taking my advice. No one tested DOL-OS before it was submitted, and it won. But also, other games placed poorly... I am still speed-running through competitions (not the IFComp this time), and tripping all over all the time. I still submit thing thinking I'm the hottest stuff and that no one else will be better than me. Completely delusional here. Be better than me, for your sake.

[unsleepingtales]

The one gift daylight savings has given me is that for one week, burrow’s end comes out at 11 pm instead of midnight. Onwards!

Ooh what’s the group name gonna be

(tense yet whimsical music)

Spectacular

Ooh yay puppet show again

God they’re so creepy

OOOOOOH it’s so good it’s so good

AVA

Her charisma is SO low 😭

BABE why would you say that

Brennan and Siobhan my HEART that was beautiful

Beautifully done

Oh they’re all so insane <3

Brennan is so good at cutting right to the core of Daughter Experiences

The worldbuilding here is incredible Aabria I am in awe

Girl I saw you almost say weapons 👀

This is so fucking funny

Human remains??

Oh the rehearsed propaganda is so much

(Erika lets loose a savage battle cry)

The new yorker analogy <3

They’re all so In It

GIRL

W h a t

Babe that’s radiation poisoning

REAL

You JUST met clothes

Aabria & twins that are impossible to tell apart 2 for 2

Them <3

He’s so good at this actually

Rogues ftwwwww

I’m so excited to see how Izzy handles Arcane Trickster things bc I will be taking notes

Oh these children are going to have to go to school

I’ve never seen anything 💀

Such a ten year old asshole moment <3

That little smug flipping off

She just has an aneurysm or something

So it is some version of human language

SO GOOD SO COOL

But also how have none of them noticed the thing on the back of their clipboards

Biting the walls rn.

Couples that game together destroy erasers together <3

Saving throw??

Oh ok she’s Actually having a thing

“This is a safe space-” “Deception Check!!” The immediate cutoff 💀

What’s the point of me anymore 😭😭

OH LORD

Why I oughttaaa

Tonic immobility! Neat!

Parenting!

I too hold my collarbone when I get nervous

Oh Tula’s gonna love that…

He was so sure he wanted to keep the kids with him for the day and so quickly regretted that

They’re so good!!

Bryan Cranston

Thank you Brennan for highlighting that joke

Love the split screen moment

Girl

OK IM GLAD ITS NOT JUST ME WHO THINKS THE BRITISH GRADING SYSTEM IS BIZARRE I’m currently studying here and the idea that I could get a 50 on the essay I turned in yesterday and that would be a pretty good mark is batshit to me

Also how are we up to #42? Will there be a complete list somewhere at the end of the season?

Oh god Tula’s so real for that

The immediate emotional and physical crash after prolonged stress once there’s safety

They’ve immediately started calling it population control instead of population support lmao

You’ve been here less than a day you can chill a Bit

In neverafter we were on the road to shoeberg, now we’re on the road to hats :)

Erika has SO many werthers

The tonal shift from Tula talking to her family to Tula talking in a diplomatic sense is fascinating

Ohohohohoh girl

Babe

That’s a teenager

Sweetheart

What is Brennan planning why am I nervous

That is so not how that works

Honey oh god

Memory check <3

Oh Erika handled that so well

Why is D20 dealing so much with grief rn. I didn’t need this.

(I did need this I didn’t want it I know that’s the point but god)

I love character choices

What is happening

YES rocky horror ref and YES Brennan’s Tim Curry impression

Oh god the new student anxiety is so real

Oh ok it straight up is real world radiation I thought maybe it would be like. Fictional parallel or allegory situation but nope straight up this is nuclear radiation

My name is Normal Size Jaysohn and my sister can read

The most sidekick-y kid 😭 PLEASE

Siobhan <3

Bi jaysohn

They’re teenagers now and it SHOWS

When’re the bnei mitzvot?

I love our little fourth wall stunts

Siobhan looks so cool like legitimately I know she’s doing a bit as a student trying to look cool but she looks great

Aabria and her consequences <3

What the fuck is happening

What

Why have they started a GANG

Ok well at least he not congested anymore

Never mind

He grows up and becomes one of those guys always chewing tobacco but it’s mint

Troubling. This is incredibly troubling.

Jaysohn-

Siobhan has had her leg up this whole time <3

Thorn 😭

Jesus Christ

Aaaand the party’s back together :)

Help her out here man

She’s so seventeen years old

Keep it together-

Oh god

AVA

She’s so eldest daughter

We gotta get through the series.

BARBARA STOATSAND

Oh yeah because leaving the kids with Thorn went so incredibly well an hour ago

The emotional manipulation involved in every aspect of this

Checkitoutcheckitoutcheckitout

Real tears at the table 💜

What a rollercoaster

Plus NINETEEN

Avaaaa

BOX OF DOOM MY FRIEND

Brennan and Siobhan sitting next to each other is so fun

HELL YEAH BABE

Chill this is all chill

WHAT

He’s unfairly good looking

This is so cool Aabria oh my god

What the fuck man

YEAH NO SHIT

Horrifying. Truly? Legitimately? Horrifying.

Well maybe they know something about the blue

I don’t think anyone ever hid that from you? Maybe I’m having trouble distinguishing in game vs above game conversation but I thought that had already been brought up

Ok so they did already know this. Glad I’m not losing it

Oh shit

Clover. Like the crushed clover from the story. God.

Good for her getting the breakdown and rant she deserves

The tears at the table today

Oh that one hurt coming out huh

Terrifying! Good god!

Augh

A lie oh god oh fuck

WHAT

ARE YOU KIDDING ME

Oh the theater kid energy is palpable

hell.

next week looks insane oh god.

ANYWAY this was fun see you next week I guess <3

[mothxmoons]

Hi! (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧

I just had a very horrible day and i was wondering if i could have some S.T.A.R.S Wesker trying to make reader feel better in a cute caring way (?) Im sorry i explain myself so bad haha ಥ⁠╭⁠╮⁠ಥ. Maybe reader works with him and someone was mean about her skills and she just started bawling her eyes out sbzbsbbs like me (⁠´⁠°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥⁠ω⁠°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥⁠｀⁠) yay~ im sorry if the request it is a bit messy. Thank you so much for all your hard work and i hope you have an amazing day (⁠人⁠*⁠´⁠∀⁠｀⁠)⁠｡⁠*ﾟ

Ps: ohhh almost forgot! Last time i requested i blushed so hard reading it!!! Aaaaaah! Thank you, it made me so so happy >\\w//<

Aww thank you

Wesker is definitely the type to overthink certain things, so when he sees you crying, he assumes the worst and immediately goes into kill mode. But when you tell him you just had a horrible day, he pauses and takes a moment to just hold you close.

He gets having horrible days sometimes, there’s not much you can do about it. Hell, he’s probably the cause of bad days for some people. But what matters right now is that you feel better. And although, yeah he can be pretty narcissistic, he does truly care.

He does whatever he can to make you feel better, even if it’s just some quiet time alone together. He will literally put everything aside just to make you more comfortable. And anyone who dares interrupt most likely gets murdered or threatened. His time with you is invaluable, and he wants to make sure everyone knows. Especially when you’re having a hard time.

[yellowocaballero]

ok so im not very far into trigun (which. you convinced me to read/watch) but ive seen you talk about vash as a christ/messiah figure which. means im kinda obsessed with how you described his impact on the world in no name on the bullet (christ healing the lame, christ feeding the thousand... christ delivering his people from evil.) did you have any specific biblical references you kept in mind while writing?

i also think its super interesting how the fic seems to focus more heavily on healing as opposed to how (what ive seen of) trigun is a lot more gunman focused - is part of that influenced by how knives is a pacifist in a "cold turkey" way, or a choice on your part? i think it makes an interesting dichotomy, christ the gunman and satan the physician

I've gone my entire life without recommending Trigun to anybody, because I always felt it was too weird and ultra-violent and love-it-or-hate-it to actually ask people to watch it. Look at me now. Getting at least 3+ people into it. Boo boo the fool. Also I'm sorry that this response is so long skull emoji.

I'm ex-Catholic so you have asked the right question lol. Vash is very inspired by the Old Testament God. I have a strong mental image of him obsessing over the Noah's Arc story in his cute children's Bible. Sodom and Gomorrah is brought up again much later, in an extremely important way. Garden of Eden and Paradise, as the show does. The Plagues where every firstborn son dies. These is all imagery that Vash specifically evokes on purpose. Vash...uses the Bible to understand his own experiences and feelings and desires (that's the most neutral way to phrase it), but like a lot of people he uses the Bible/God partly as justification for his actions. God destroys cities for being sinful, and Vash is the closest thing to God this planet has, so he's entitled lol. God Complex McGee up in here.

And Vash's cult has no Jesus, because there is no forgiveness for humanity, and no way for them to be saved. Which is how you know that Vash's Jesus-ey actions as described in the story are very deceitful on a lot of different levels. Kind of like regular Vash lmfao - as I said earlier, he's VERY much also a messiah deconstruction. Vash is a pacifist partly because he needs it - he needs to be believed that people can be saved, that the world can be good, that nobody has to die, because otherwise the world is nothing but an endless parade of misery and death and his own suffering. It's about saving his own soul, and the memory of Rem.

For me, on a writing level: Cain and Abel, obviously. 'My brother's keeper'-ass mofo lmfao. It's more themes for me, though - redemption, salvation, forgiveness, original sin, sin in general, guilt, fate. Knives is pretty obsessed with all of these topics. I make fun of him for it. None of it's healthy. But Knives embodies a few other Christian ideals that I don't make fun of him for, such as the importance of good works and good actions, and dedicating his life towards helping others without the desire for a reward. There's also some subtle 'shepherd and his sheep' stuff going on later.

Re: the gunfights: can you IMAGINE Knives carrying a gun. He is WAY too proud of his own #biologicalsuperiority and #ultimatelifeform and #impenetrabledefense (literally Shadow AND Gaara-ass mofo) to rely on cheap human trinkets like guns lol.

The plot has more action than my usual (yay! - that was what I was working for lol), but it's based off the skeleton of the Stampede plot, which is genuinely a lot more space opera than Western and as such its action looks different. Turns out that when you remove the Gung Ho Guns from a story, there are a LOT LESS gunfights, lmfao (I don't know what kind of errands Vash sends the GHG out on, I am afraid to find out). So partly there's less gunfights because a) Stamp plots don't require too many gunfights, and b) without a Gunman (TM) there's no reason for the group to use guns to solve their problems if at all possible.

It's also just that, basically, Vash's plots are partly man vs self and partly man vs other. When a character is level 99, the tension of the fight scene isn't if they'll win the fight - it's if they'll win the fight under their self-imposed conditions. In Vash's case, the Q in every gunfight is 'can Vash win the fight and save people without compromising his principles?'. For Knives, he is so ridiculously OP that it's impossible to write a fight scene with genuine tension, and he doesn't care nearly as deeply about casualties. So the most engaging plotlines for Knives are entirely man vs self, which tends to shake out into a lot of trolley problems lol. That's the answer to your Q from a writing perspective.

So it's mostly a choice for plot/writing reasons. But YUP the dichotomy is SUPER JUICY, and the fun part of the story is reading the Ultimate Killing Machine be forced to do literally anything else than Ultimate Kill - to do the only thing he wasn't meant to do. Because doing what he was meant to do reduces him to a biblical figure instead of a person - it makes him just a devil, who's never exercised the free will God gave him, and as such can't be called sentient. It's not what Rem would want. And it's a very juicy juxtaposition to somebody who interprets his own meaning in life as a Christ figure as a divine compulsion to brutally murder orphan.

[ethernitty]

4, 5, 7, 10, 11, 12 for the ask game?

favourite dish specific for your country? i wouldnt say this is a dish (because the only dishes i can think of that are specifially dutch i havent tried/dont like) but suikerbrood is a really good especially if you put some good butter on it

favourite song in your native language? (going to leave out all the musical translations) i think welkom thuis by joost spijkers is really good like masterful lyrics. but i also really like the first song in war of the worlds by dick van de heuvel, i dont know the title of it tho (and its harder to find online but i can tell you where to find it, if youd like)

three words from your native language that you like the most? oh yay i really like knuffel because it means both hug and stuffed animal, kussen is also in that category as it means pillow and also kissing now for the third hmmmm i say i also quite like klucht though that isnt one i use a lot or anyone uses a lot in day to day conversation

most enjoyable swear word in your native language? to be honest almost all of them are bangers but kut is as we say "kort en krachtig"

favourite native writer/poet? lately i havent read a lot of dutch things but i read some of splinter chabots work and the way he describes things is just wonderfull

what do you think about English translations of your favourite native prose/poem? okay so googled what prose means and if im right spring awakening falls under it, now i dont know if the play is translated but the musical is and honestly i like it more then the original, maybe because it makes more sense to me, but there are some more connections and forshadowing happening to be honest i could go on about it for ages

[dungeonmeshifancast]

aahh.. i just suddenly started missing playing my bass really bad. i have her right next to my bed but i havent played her in quite a while now, i didnt really know how to play super well or anything, im not able to get myself to practice often enough to get that good at playing any instrument. but my best ones are piano and bass i guess.... i used to be pretty good with ukulele too, lol... anyways, im missing my bass rn. her name is susie btw... i dont have the energy to pick her up rn let alone tune her or anything... i technically have needed to get her new strings for a while, but they never bothered me or anything, i mean they worked fine.. i wasnt playing for anyone else so who cares... i really like playing the bass because of how quiet it is. technically i have an amp but, well i dont like playing loud instruments so why would i use that... sometimes ive performed songs id learned for like my family, but most of the time its just in my room, and i just dont rly like to be loud in general... thats why i like playing keyboard, sometimes more than real pianos because i can just turn the volume down... or plug in headphones, but i dont currently have headphones that fit in the jack on my keyboard. on the piano the only songs that i still retain the ability to play, even after not playing for a long time, are all undertale songs... if i practiced just a little i could regain maybe some pokemon songs, and others..but the ut ones i know are very ingrained in my muscle memory. i know fallen down the best it was one of the very first ut songs i learned, in 2016. i only know how to play a little bit of the fallen down reprised, like, extended part. reprised part. whatever. oh and your best friend. that ones short and easy :). i can do once upon a time, but sometimes i forget some left hand bits. and i can do undertale, that ones fun. i cant play the whole song, but its rly fun.. i used to know an ending pretty well, but i didnt retain that unfortunately... and i know/have known bits and pieces of the rest of the ost. i knew some deltarune ones as well, and other songs in general too, obv. i wont describe every single song ive ever learned on the piano. i meant to talk about my bass. i just wanted to say that i miss feeling the sound in my body, when i played it with my chin resting on the top of it, i could feel it in my head + i could hear it more clearly. and it was better if i wore headphones at the same time (not playing anything thru them, just wearing them). the one song i knew rly well on bass is kind of embarrassing so i cant say it. its not that bad but you know. i knew some other songs, my proudest was um.. eighth wonder by lemon demon lol.. because i learned that one like 90% by ear :). and i learned the whole song! yay. i usually wouldnt learn whole songs, i wasnt that good okay..(+ im not someone who can like, sight read or anything. i cant really read sheet music at all, i mean, i know the basics but.....) i guess thats all i have to say. i should eat something.

[quodekash]

gosh darnnit im tired 

in other words: time for my weekly ramblings about a bl where im mildly interested in the main couple but the side couple means more to me than anything and no i will not stop talking about them 

slight warning, there will be one mention of sa and one mention of murder/suicide (both of which are my personal speculation about particular situations, and there’s no detail apart from the word being mentioned). i also discuss/ramble to myself about mental health problems, and alcohol abuse. so if any of those things are triggering for you in any way, please be cautious about reading this, take necessary precautions, and if it’s particularly distressing, i urge you to call a local hotline for these kinds of emergencies. i care about all of you and your health and safety, whether i know you or not, and if you ever need to talk about anything at all, lemme know, my ask box and my dms are always open. 

anyway, on with the show! 

if you haven’t figured it out yet, this is... 

MY THOUGHTS ON EPISODE 4 OF ABAAB 

(if youre new here, it will literally be all of my thoughts on everything while im watching it bc i feel like im annoying my friends with my ramblings so instead ill annoy all of this circle of tumblr. and it will probably not be coherent. youre welcome.) 

i’m obsessed with his little ‘cher is so cute’ smile 

THATS HOW I FEEL ABOUT LITERALLY THIS EXACT POST 

dONT YOU DARE DO A PATPRAN 

that’s real insightful, cher. id never thought of that one before. the statement really gets me thinking. 

are you- are you saying what i think you’re saying? or am i more dirty minded than i thought 

his hair is extra curly today and its veyr pretty 

the curls are giving charlie spring vibes from the side 

i would like to touch his hair please 

the fact that covid exists in this universe is weirdly funny to me 

yup that sounds about right. no one rly cares about covid anymore when the entire world is ending 

YAY HE’S FINALLY OPENING UP TO HIM 

that freaking sucks tho 

and what’s worse is it’s very likely tian was r*ped 

WHY DO ALL THE HAPPY FEEL-GOOD SHOWS HAVE TO HAVE SAD DEATH BACKSTORIES BEHIND 50% OF THE FREAKING CHARACTERS 

GUN (msp)’S DAD IS DEAD AND HIS MUM SPENDS HALF THE SHOW LOW-KEY DYING (and i swear if they do something to gim in our skyy 2 im gonna fly to thailand and have some words with people) 

AYAN’S DAD LEFT, HIS UNCLE DIED 

THUA’S DAD DIED 

HALF THE CHARACTERS IN THE ECLIPSE HAVE DIAGNOSED DEPRESSION AND THE REST OF THEM ARE UNDIAGNOSED BUT ITS DEFINITELY THERE 

HERE, JACK HAS DEPRESSION (and i rly hope they go into that more in depth later in the show bc he intrigues me. if they dont go into it more then im writing a way too in depth analysis post of jack) 

AND NOW FREAKING CHER’S FRIEND/CRUSH FROM CHILDHOOD IS FREAKING DEAD AND HER BODY WAS FLOATING IN A POND WHICH DOESNT RLY LEAD TO ANY IMMEDIATE THOUGHTS OF A NATURAL DEATH WHICH MEANS IT WAS PROBABLY MURDER AND/OR SUICIDE WHICH MAKES IT EVEN FREAKING WORSE 

i knew it was too good to last. the over-confident, cocky, funny, sassy/sarcastic people are generally the most messed up, they just hide it via humour and feigned confidence (i am most certainly not one of these people at all) 

cher stop drinking, you’re gonna hurt yourself. also the alcohol might feel like it’s lifting the burden of thinking and stops you from worrying about everything thats happening, but itll come rushing back to you when you’re sober and worse because youll have a hangover, and it’s only a temporary fix, drinking only works for a couple of hours. you need a more permanent fix, cos if you keep turning to alcohol, itll turn into addiction and substance abuse and dependency, none of which are good, all of which are much harder to get out of than they are to get into. so yeah, just chill with the drinking a little bit. i get that you need to let it all out and you need to not feel for a bit, and that’s totally okay, but you need to make sure you’re not over-indulging yourself. otherwise youll be very ill in the long-term, both physically and mentally 

PFFFT THIS WAS THE PERFECT SHOT TO END IT ON 

final thoughts: 

theyve both said things that make absolutely no sense in context unless theyre confessions of feelings, and yet theyre definitely gonna continue to do the “what if he doesnt like me back” thing even tho its SO CLEAR to LITERALLY EVERYONE they have feelings for each other 

theyve gotten so close to kissing this episode and yet they havent which is sad, but also at least they have kissed at one point before getting to the point where they COULD have kissed a grand total of siXTY-SEVEN TIMES- (shut up im not talking about tinngun what are you talking about. .....but also if you wanted to see that post where i count out all of the times tinngun didn’t kiss...) 

very sad with the complete and utter lack of threezo in this episode. actually, it’s not even a lack of threezo. neither of them even appeared in the episode. neither was even mentioned. they (i.e. the characters, the creators of the show) are all acting like threezo AREN’T the most important characters in this entire show 

i love threezo 

where is threezo 

or is it zothree

either way i dont mind bc i love them 

where was i 

oh right 

this episode was pretty good, very emotional, i definitely didnt cry what are you talking about (who am i kidding, eveyrone knows i cried three times, you dont even need me to tell you) 

im excited for episode 5 

that is all, thank you and goodnight 

[coolbeansbuddyofmine]

Helurrrr

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

yasmeanie <3,

well, i'll get to it then. the rainbow is answered so i'll just do the other two! i will /try/ to be concise but again, no promises.

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

considering who's asked this question, i suppose the fun answer would be vibes. and i guess that encapsulates what is the most important part to me---the mood, the tone, the themes they just need to feel right to me. i personally enjoy writing more emotional, character study-esque, introspective fics which is partially from my literature background in literary analyses. don't get me wrong, plot and characters and world-building is fun and all, but i think the emotional crux of the fic is most important to me which is why my tags are less technical or setting-based, and more like 'angst' or 'hurt/comfort' which tends to deal with the emotional gravitas of the work.

i think part of this is done through figurative language, so language is important to me. i think, first and foremost, i'm a poet and that translates to my prose and my fics, which tend to be more poetic, metaphorical filled with grandeur; purple prose if you will.

so yay emotions!

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

oh fun!

so i have adhd and ive been working on multiple projects at once (as per usual, typical coolbeans honestly)

and here are the final chapters of my two favorite unfinished multichaps currently (with blurbs!)

so this is chapter 8 of the office au i've been writing for f4! i'm pretty far through but im still sorting out some plot details and trying to find time to write it all!

so this is my uber-fave (and only) fiery priest fic that im hella obsessed with right now and i'm soooo close to finishing chapter 4 i just need to power through for a couple hours and i should be done.

as for my up and coming work(s), i have lots of fun things !

this is for my despised beloves strangers again the show i cant get enough and it ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped on it. i want to give my baby hara the justice she deserves bc everyone in that show did her dirty and i will redeem her myself so be it. i said fuck canon and redid the ending as i deserve to

this is lawschool fic bc i saw something on pinterest and was inspired. it's all fluff pointless romance really.

this one i've had in my reserves since december when i watched the show and i WAS obsessed bc my man yim siwan needs to portray more green flag cuties but i also wanted horny daebeom

these two are what i like to call my sister fics. they're the folklore and evermore if you will. the sidecouple angst in two different flavours. if you've read beware the villainess, the first is like where she finally manages to get him freed, a post canon work, and the second as the title states, is canon divergence and still angsty but more adultier flavoured. more hurt.

i love love yona and yohan from beware the villainess this is them in case u dont know they are my favorite grumpy saintess queen x sunshine wizard simp

i've been really into manhwas since early last year (honestly if u follow me dedicatedly anywhere on social media, you'd probably already know this) and i have some i want to write for!

love,

rosey posey <3 (coolbeans/ro)

link to the original post if anyone else wants to ask me more! i'm finally back (proper) for the better i think <3 ask me more things im currently accepting prompts <3 !!!

[aliens-took-my-iwa-chan]

My sunshine. My beloved. My bestie

(⁠っ⁠.⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)⁠っ

Bless german unity day, I have finished the invisible man and i am in tears (⁠个⁠_⁠个⁠)

My insult of choice would not be appropriate so for now I'll just call Griffin an absolute and utter Idiot. It's like i can't even really be mad about him dying because he was so stubborn and he definitely had it coming and yet. . .

I'm still sad about it. A poster child of book smart but not street smart. With a little more forethought (making clothes and shoes invisible first so he won't catch a cold) and a bit better behaviour he could have been livin it up.

And most importantly: i firmly believe that the cat was smarter than him and yet continues a joyous gay life of hunting birds and stealing milk. I propose we should name her, if the fandom has not done so yet

HIHIIII <33333

omgomgomgOMGOMGOMGOMG FIRST OF ALL HAPPY GERMAN UNITY DAY SECOND OF ALL YAY INVISIBLE MAN AAAAAAAAAAA

yeah griffin…. sure is something. he’s awful!!….. but at the same time hes also my favorite. I want to push him down a flight of stairs. I love him. i can do both… right? xD

YEAH OMG I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT HOW HE TURNED THE COTTON INVISIBLE,, IT WOULD TOTALLY WORK ON CLOTHING. YOURE SO RIGHTTTT

yes yes I agree. oooo yeah we should come up with a name for her!! I propose Mrs. Mittens and Blink, do you have any ideas? :D (dont mind me and my terrible naming skills LMFAOOOO)

ALSO HAVE YOU READ THE NEW TGS UPDATE IM GOING FERAL-