#right now i just hate everything i have ever made but it will be okey

[bizarreandjarring]

thats gay

[haerinari]

Love Letter - Anton

pairing: classmate!anton x fem!reader.

summary: a boy who confess his love for you with a love letter.

genre: fluff.

LOVE 199 Series: wonbin, sungchan, eunseok, anton, shotaro, sohee, seunghan.

want to keep reading? click here ⬇️

"okey class..." miss kang, your music teacher, said. "i want you to work on a project that's due on friday, you will have this two days to make it and then show it to the class. ya'll have to make a song and, the work is in pairs, so c'mon"

what a great day for your bestfriend, haerin, not come to class. who will you work with now? ugh, how you hate to work with other people.

"hey, y/n?" a soft voice that you knew perfectly, said behind you.

never mind, you love to work with other people.

"oh, hi anton!" you replied with the biggest smile ever, turning around on your chair to face him.

anton was the cutest boy from your class, he had beautiful brown eyes and a smile that made worthy going to class everyday. you had a crush on him since the year started, his sweet and shy personality caught your heart immediately, he was kind to everyone and the best of the music class.

"uhm... i saw that haerin didn't come today and that you didn't have a pair to do the work, so i was wondering if maybe, you know, wanna work with me?" anton said passing his hand over his neck, looking down his feet. how could you deny this amazing proposal?

"of course!" you replied almost jumping from your chair. god y/n, don't make so obvious that you like him. "i mean, yes, i'll really like that anton." you smiled softly.

"great! so i'll send you a text with my address, is it okay if we go to my house? i think we can use my cello, so..."

"yeah yeah, sure. i'll be there"

haerin was going to die when you tell her.

after spending a really long time deciding what you were going to wear to go to anton's house, you decided that a long sleeve gray shirt and a pair of jeans would be completely fine.

when you arrived to his home, he greet you with a soft smile and comfy clothes. when you thought he couldn't look prettier, oh you were completely wrong. anton took you to his room, opening the door and letting you sit in the corner of his bed. the room was actually very comfortable, it had a very soft bed, and a desk that was full of music sheets, a computer and other type of stuff. his cello was on the corner of his room, you had never seen anton playing before, of course that you imagined that he was as good as he was on everything else.

"i was thinking that maybe we could make a short song, i could play the cello and my brother has a violin that maybe he can borrow you" he said sitting next to you.

"oh, i don't know how to play the violin, anton. i actually can't play any instruments" you confessed.

"don't worry, i'm going to teach you and you'll be ready by friday" anton replied to you with a smile.

"okay..."

"ll be right back"

anton left the room, probably to look after the violin of his brother, you thought. you got up from the bed, going to his desk and looking at the papers that were all spread around. some of them, calling your attention.

"Love 119" was the title, you took the paper in your hands, reading carefully at the beautiful lyrics that you supposed that he was composing.

"Stolen my heart, that girl's a killer

Love so good, feels like a thriller

It's begun

This is an emergency

One-one-nine, one-one-nine

Save my life, save my life

She sets me free

This is an emergency love

You turn on like a flashlight

On and on, grabbing my attention

In a crowd packed shoulder to shoulder

For a moment I saw only you, no other"

"y/n i got the— what are you doing?" anton said getting back into the room, his eyes wide open as he immediately recognized the paper that was on your hands.

"i was just reading this beautiful song, did you wrote th-"

"uhm we should probably focus on the violin" he said cutting you off, his hands grabbing quickly the paper from yours and hiding them under his pillows.

“i’m sorry anton, is actually very good by the way"

"i-it's just some stupid lyrics" he murmured nervously. "we should probably start"

"yeah sure"

the rest of the afternoon you spend it learning what anton was teaching you. his presence behind you, his hands on top of yours to teach you how to properly use the bow were actually making you fell very nervous. his breath touching your neck when he talked, and the way his soft voice was entering your ears, how could you not fall more in love?

you and him spend the rest of the afternoon like that, being so close to each other that you could feel like your heart was coming out from your chest. you were almost ready with the song, it wasn’t actually very hard to play the violin, but this wasn’t what you care the most about right now. could your heart resist this feeling of not telling anton that you liked him? could you really keep hiding your feelings for him?

you were scared to tell him, what if he doesn’t feel the same about you? what if he just sees you as a friend and just wanted to be nice with you? what if he thinks that you are ugly? what if…? what if…? what if…? what if…?

“y/n are you paying attention to what i’m sayin?” he asked behind you, you were so lost on your mind.

you turned to look at him, putting the violin down and looking at his beautiful, big brown eyes. he is even prettier this close, you thought. his face was so close to yours that if you move forwards a little bit, his lips would be all over yours. you saw his face, his eyes looking at you like if he was scanning you. his eyes going from yours, then your lips, and then your eyes again. you got a little closer, watching as anton’s cheeks were starting to become red. he didn’t even move a muscle, he was just taking a moment to look at your face.

“anton, i…” you hold your breath, are you going to confess right now? “i should probably go home, is getting late and my mom is waiting for me…” stupid y/n.

“ah y-yeah, yeah. you’re right, yeah” anton answered getting a step back, his eyes looking everywhere but you.

“thanks for teaching me how to play the violin, see you tomorrow at school”

“see you…”

the presentation went really good, anton and you performed the song and it was amazing. you even got the higher score of the class 10/10.

the past two days all you could think about was what happened at anton’s house. the last days that you had been even more closer to him due the proyect, made you realize that your feelings for the sweet boy were actually true. you and haerin already had a conversation about all this situation, she told you that it was better to express your feelings than to hide them. after all, you didn’t know what could happen.

you left the music classroom and went back to the normal, the door was closed and there was no one inside. your thoughts were eating you from the inside, all you can think about is anton, anton, anton…

anton and his sweet smile, anton and his beautiful black hair, anton and his gorgeous brown eyes, anton and how soft and kissable his lips looked back the other day.

you unzipped your backpack, taking out your water bottle thinking that could drown your thoughts alway. but instead of that, a small pieces of paper that were arranged like flash-cards and a yellow piece of paper fell to the floor. you took them in your hands, opening carefully the yellow paper first and reading what was in the inside.

“You turn on like a flashlight

On and on, grabbing my attention

In a crowd packed shoulder to shoulder

For a moment I saw only you, no other"

—Love 119

Love 119…? Love 119… oh god, this can’t be real.

you sweared to god you were going to die from a heart attack in that moment.

you took that other papers, the flash-cars, on your hands. once again, reading carefully what was in the first piece of paper.

“A satellite is an object in space that orbits around the earth until it stops working, they send signals to let the earth know how the sky feels.”

then the second.

“Even tho i can’t send you signals about my feelings for you because i’m too shy and scared of rejection…”

and finally the third one.

“…I want to be your own satellite, in that way, i could orbit around you for the rest of my life”

you felt like you were going to cry at any point, a smile appearing on your face from ear to ear. no one has never give this kind of sweet and beautiful thing before.

“so… what do you think?” a male figure that was standing next to the classroom door said. anton.

“was this you?” you asked, standing from the chair and walking to him.

“why it looks like you’re going to cry?” he laughed a little bit.

“because i am!” you said whipping your tears away. “no one has ever done this before to me”

“i’m actually very glad that i’m the first one” he smiled.

“why didn’t you tell me before?”

“because i’m too shy and i could barely talk to you before, also i was super scared that you didn’t like me back” he confessed.

“but of course i like you back, anton. do you now how hard was trying not to kiss you back when we were on your house?” you told him.

“tell that to me, i couldn’t sleep knowing i wasted such an opportunity” you giggled.

“and do you want to waste that opportunity again?”

“no” he quickly replied.

“then kiss me, kiss me anton”

his hands went to cup your cheeks, his lips coming closer to your until finally, it happened. anton’s lips were soft against yours, just as you imagine, his lips moving perfectly on yours, the kiss that you both have been waiting for so long was finally happening.

“was the lyrics of the song that i read on your house, were about me?” you asked, your forehead pressed against his.

“you weren’t supposed to see that” he said with and embarrass smile, hiding his face in your neck.

“awww, but it was so cute!” you laughed, your hands touching his hair. “are you going to let me read it now that you know i like you too?”

“maybe…” he thought for a second, looking back at your eyes. “just if you give me another kiss” he smiled.

“i’ll give you a million of kisses anton” you replied connecting your lips once again.

[tea-plantz]

If it's not too much trouble could I request ENA with a partner who is touch starved (Like so touch starved that a simple head pat makes their brain short circuit) but they really want to ask for smooches and/or hugs without sounding clingy or overbearing?

{ENA x touch starved!reader}

Thank you so much for that lovely request! I decided to do this one as a oneshot, hope that’s okey.

I used they/them pronouns for the reader, and she/them for ENA:)

Your POV:

Me and my girlfriend, ENA, where hanging out at Moony’s place. We were just joking around, telling stories and talking when Moony suddenly groaned loudly.

“Uuugh you guys, I’m so thirstyyyy!”

“Then why not go to the kitchen and get yourself some refreshment?” ENA responded in a cheerful voice.

“Oh yeah! Do you losers want anything?” Moony asked, but it wasn’t really a question. Before either of us could answer, Moony flew out of the room, in the direction of the kitchen.

“Well that was rude, but I seriously didn’t expect any better from Moony” I half joked, as ENA laughed a bit beside me.

“Indeed, that’s Moony alright!” She said as she ruffled my hair. I froze as my eyes widened. I could feel my brain completely shutting down as ENA’s hand was as still resting on top of my head. Lately, I’ve been craving affection from the pixelated girl, to give her all the love she deserves, but I don’t know how to do so! I don’t wanna seem annoying or clingy to them and make her think badly of me! That’s the last thing I’d want! And on top of that, even the slightest contact makes me just completely shut down! Human interaction just makes me feel so nervous, especially when it’s from ENA, but I really want to just hug them and kiss them. I need it! *sigh* I feel so helpless right now…

ENA’s POV:

Y/n’s been acting a bit weird lately. They seem a bit nervous and completely lost in thought, it kind of looks like they’re debating on something inside their head. I was currently waiting on the couch with them, as Moony was taking her sweet time in the kitchen. We sat there in melancholy silence, and I felt that something was off with my sweetheart.

“Y/n, my dear? Are you quite alright? You’re a bit quiet”

They looked up at me with glossy eyes as I could feel my heart sink. Oh no! Are they crying? Why? Did I do something wrong?! WHAT DID I DO?!!

“WAAA Y/N, I’M SO SOWWY I OFFENDED YOU AND MADE YOU CWY! I’M A HOWWIBLE PERSON! HOWWIBLE, HOWWIBLE! I- I SHOULD JUST DIE!!”

I started waving my arms around frantically, as I could feel myself starting to glitch while I wept. They jumped slightly at my sudden outburst before rushing over to comfort me.

“No no, you didn’t do anything wrong! It’s ok!” They said, sounding a bit panicked, as I stated calming down.

“So I *hic* I didn’t hurt you? Then *sniff* why were you cwying *sniff*?”

Y/n looked at me a bit before looking away, taking a deep breath. “Ok, I didn’t really wanna talk about this since frankly it’s not that important, and I don’t want to seem like a burden to you, but.. I really want to be affectionate with you”

What? They simply wanted to show me affection? I don’t understand.

“And I know this is no big deal, really, but you see I sometimes have some issues when it comes too affection, since I’m really… touch starved. And I want to be a loving partner to you, I really do! But I’m scared to come of too strong and drive you away…”

Your POV:

Great. Just great. I spilled everything! I always do.. she’s probably going to hate me now.

I carefully looked back at ENA, who was just sitting there in shock. I was about to apologize, but was cut off by a certain pixelated person hugging me tight.

“Oh Y/n! Thank you so very much for sharing this information with me! And how could you ever think that you ever were to annoy me? You are the most precious thing in my life, and I would gladly give and receive affection any time my dearest!”

ENA had now turned completely yellow, as she continued hugging me with a loving expression. I could feel my cheeks heating up as the realization of the situation caught up to me. I buried my face in their chest as a smile spread across my face, and my hands wrapped around their figure. We stayed like that for a while, simply enjoying each other’s company, before we suddenly heard a voice from the doorway.

“What the heck happened while I was gone?!”

I’m sorry if that’s not quite what you had in mind, but I hope you like it!

[piratefrog006]

Quick update on life in general, cause there's really no one I can talk this with.

(TW: I really tought this was gonna be a fun vent, but it turned out to be actually quite traumatic, the warning is for suicide, dropping out of school, crazy moms and running away form home)

This last school year I started a two year long fashion curse, after dropping out of high-school (I choose this course because it was between this, or a baking/culinary one) (I actually didn't really like any of those options, but you know I decided fashion was the beast option)

I FUCKING HATE IT

And it's not because of the classes or the people. Because it's actually been amazing, it's just that it's something I don't want to do, and someplace I don't want to be in, and on top of that classes are exclusively on the afternoon, from 15-20 so.

I started this vent yesterday, before Lunch, before things got wrecked, like its bad.

So I went to lunch with my grandpas and cousins for the first time in almost a year, but anyway all fine, and I get to a quiet moment so I open up to my cousin, and I tell her that I am not liking school as much as I tought I would, that I really don't want to go and what I said before, when I tell you, when I tell you to be careful what you say and wish for, cause damn this things manifest quickly.

So today, it's a normal Wednesday, right, same school schedule, same everything, but I had a lunch date with two of my new friends. I ditched. And then time just ran me, and I didn't get ready for school. I didn't really want to go either, so it was kind of perfect.

I don't get ready, my mom yells at me for not being ready.

(Quick context, I missed last week's Tuesday school, she threatened me to drop me out of school if I didn't show up again)

I get more yelled at, I lock myself into my room, barracading the door with myself, cause I have no locket (I've been asking for it for years, obiouky gave up at this point) so I'm locked in and she's kicking the door, that I have my back on, yeah, she's kicking and punching, and screaming, and banging, im not listening, its not the first time this has happend either, so i have my headphones on, cause ill be dammed if I ever listen to what she says in those moments again, (it's like berge of s word bad) she gives up, walks out of the house, goes arround it and tries to break into my room from my window, exactly, we are all following right?

So she tries that, but I try and shut it before she jumps inside (this is actually so crazy I didn't realise until now, wow). She's all like, "Tell me! Tell me why aren't you going to school today!!!" And I tell her, "I just didn't want to, I'm not really in the mood" which is the truth, I'm lazy and mentally unstable and she just bashes out. Because well, it's my mom, so obiouly she can throw this ughe tantrums and scream and kick, but I can't, because then I'm overacting and I'm scaring her, no shirt sherlock you're not scaring me right? Well, so that's why I try to stay as monotone as possible, she finally leaves cause she had to take my sister to school, this is like and hiura ago so like 3pm.

Before she goes, she gets back inside the house, kicks the door, that I'm still on, for a good five more minutes and leaves.

But before she goes, she starts making calls in front of my door for me to hear it, obviously, first to the phone company saying that she wants to temporarily take down my phone line, I'm okey with that I only need the music app and it doesn't work with WiFi. So I'm okey. Then she calls the school, and she's all like "Yeah, she want to drop out" Me yes , I made that decision, but she keeps going she's being blatantly brutal about me and the things I do, but specially, the things I don't do, like going to school, they ask her "but she's really good at this, and she's doing okey in the classes what happend" and she responds "well she missed school today" and the lady on the line was so audibly weirded out by that she's like "But it's a day, is this...are you sure?" And she's like,"Yeah, I want to drop her out, send me the papers" the other lady finally gives in and sends the papers, the papers are singed

I don't go to school anymore.

Okey, she keeps kicking. I just wanted a few hours for myself, cause with these new routine and shit has me running arround all day so I'm getting like 3-4 hours of sleep, which I've been what I normally sleep on vacation or last year, but now that I literally have to run and stuff to get to places I'm enormously exsauted, which my mom seems to be completely blind to, she's like "Hsve you seen me? And all the things I'm doing and..." Blah, blah, the same as always, because either do notice, and not going to school today meant a thing less for her to do, so I thought I was also helping her, but no.

So after the calls, she tries again to break into my room, but this time I wasn't ready so she opens a but and sticks her arm inside, I'm so sorry but hse sticking insane, and mind you I don't know she's got her arm there cause my back I'd on the door and I'm looking at the floor, she starts screaming, I'm not even pushing at this pont, she screams and the door keeps going back, and I look up, and that's when I see that her arms is there and she's kind of pushing in all directions, I tell her to take her arm out and stop pushing the door, she doesn't listen, she's still screaming at me, she runs away because I hurt her.

I contemplated killing myself at this point cause what man, us that or running away, and I'm far too ugly or fat to do so, it might sound stupid, but I just can't go out of my house theres this like burning feeling inside of like my chest, and its like telling me "Everyone is judging you, everything you do is wrong, the way you look, the way you talk, how you walk, how clothes good on you, how big your shoes are" and I just can't do it, I don't want to go outside, an dmy mom says that I need to and she forces me, but everytime I do I just want to cry, and look I've gotten over it many times. But I just can't do it anymore. All my friends are skinny, like model skinny and pretty, and I'm not I'm fat and ugly, and they don't seem to care. No body acres but me, but that's the problem, nobody cares but me, I want to be beautiful. I want people to notice me, I want people to care. And I know I'll probably never get it, which is yhe worst part.

Oh my funking god!

My mom just got back she was supposed to stay out in the park til dark, I was gonna take a train to Paris then London, I need to go, I'll tell you about it later.

Okey, I'm back. Wait, you're reading this in one setting, well, then I'm still here.

You know with the whole thing that went down, how I don't have school anymore, or any other family member to be with, and my mom is threatening to kick me out, I'm running away, I was supposed to run away today, but she got here like 4 hours earlier than expected and I had to go out and get a bus, so I couldn't do it today, that's why I'll do it tomorrow.

And here's the plan:

1. Packing stuff, only the necessary, not my laptop, or too many books, or shut, just some clothes and all the money I have left

2. The transport, (I've already looked it up) I will take a bus from my house to the next town, thre I have to take another one to the city, and from the big bus station I'll take the train to Paris, I tough about staying there because it would be quite similar to Barcelona, and I love it, but then I remembered I don't know enought French to live there, so when I get there I'm taking a train to London. And from there we'll see, I'll have to get a job, obviously, and I'll take anything just as long as I'm not here.

And that's pretty much how it's going, I only have around 300 euros, which I will have to exchange for pounds when I get there, and I'll probably only have like 20 left, but it's something I got to do.

I'll try to keep you updated, but my mom has cut down the WiFi and my phone line, so I'll see about that.

Love you! Have a great time!!♡

[victorianoruben]

Unstoppable Desire

Pairing: Ruvik X F!Reader

Warning: Masturbation, Dirty Imaginations

Summary: Ruben caught himself of having fantasies of Y/N and him in his head which lead him to an unknown feeling.

Words: 1,600

Note: Beta-read by @bruhvik​

"You can be such a lovely person, Ruben, you just haven’t realized it yet"

This made him shake his head with a chuckle, "Oh (Y/N), I don't know if you're either blind or just in love with a monster, my dear."

When he saw her reaching her arms out for him, offering a hug, he widened his eyes in surprise. But who would he be if it weren’t for accepting this offer

Ruben graved for affection and acceptance all his life. It had been years since he felt so close to someone, his sister. When she brushed her warm hand over his naked back which just got free of his bandages, he took a deep breath, leaning into her touch completely; enjoying this moment.

He felt his heartbeat starting to rise rapidly. This feeling wasn't familiar for him.

"Relax, it's okey. Stop judging your appearance all over again", she looked up at him when she let him go of their hug. How she expected, he looked in another direction with squinted eyes. She bit her bottom lip and it made her sigh, "No - no, I know that expression! I know what's going on in your mind again. Listen to me just for once!"

The scarred man rolled his eyes and felt his cheeks starting to heat up when looking at her. Oh how much he hated how submissive, innocent and shy he may look there. This isn't his personality and nature. He pressed his lips a bit together and finally glanced over her.

"I know it's because of your scars again. That you might think I would find you ugly and hide this opinion. I still have no freaking idea how you would come up with that thought again. How many times do I need to prove you the opposite of it? Your scars can tell the story by  themselves and they make your personality and view so much stronger. You're unique in your own way! When I first met you, I already was fascinated by your presence ... and I thought", she took a breath with a smirk, "Phew, that guy is so sexy, damn! And I-"

Ruben shrugged out of his daydream and rubbed his forehead while groaning. By sliding down his blanket, he noticed sweat drops on his body. It felt like he was just sitting in a whirlpool or sauna.

He was such a dumb fool. What was he even thinking? Despite the fact that Y/N would never just spit out so many compliments and fall into his arms so suddenly. She wasn't that type of person, way too stubborn as well. Also, he  wasn’t the person who would melt so quickly for a woman. There was just one girl whom he fully trusted and who understood him: Laura. Any girl could just try to get him around her fingers and he wouldn't allow that. But when he remembered the time he spent together with Y/N, he kind of felt safe and calm in her presence. Not at their first meeting but after some small-talks, her offer to help him, he started to trust her a bit more. He hated to admit but she actually brightened his day sometimes. She had such a caring heart when it came to ’his’ patients or listening to Ruben whenever he had a bad day, raging about mistakes in the machine. But he still didn't tell her his full past yet. It was still way too private to just tell her all the informations. Deep down in his heart, he was always looking forward to the next day to meet her in his laboratory. It never seemed like his appearance bothered her or that she judged him ... well except at their first meeting when she saw his experiments.  Neither of them could have imagined becoming 'friends' one day ....

Ruben tried to relax again and close his eyes but the thoughts and daydreams hit him like a brick. In front of him, he saw her admirable body and imagined the smell of her favorite perfume.

He leaned his head back on his bed and moved his hands over his chest, down to his stomach,  to the area where he didn't have any burns. At least he was able to feel a bit but the building heat in him was way stronger anyways. The thought of her fingers stroking slightly over his skin was enough for him.

"You really want me to prove it, don't you?", she whispered in his ear, "I know that you have something in your mind right now. Tell me ... what do you want to do with me really?"

She kissed him gently and slowly on his rough lips while traveling with her fingers over his chest.

"I've never seen you so nervous before, Ruben. This intelligent scientist really does have a soft heart deep down but he doesn't like to admit it. But he also hates to get submissive all out of a sudden, am I right?

What has gotten into you?"

When he caught himself letting out a quiet but noticeable moan, he opened his eyes.

How could he be so sensitive already?

Was he graving that badly to get touched and admired?

But that didn't matter to him for that moment anymore, the wave of heat was starting to take control over him.

He imagined how he’d quickly bend her into the bed to show his true nature. His ego  wouldn’t allow to represent him like a whiney puppy graving for her attention.

"Oh my dear, be careful, you seem of not knowing what's going on in my mind. You really thought I would literally cry and beg for you to touch me? Just because I haven’t touched anyone yet? You've thought that, haven’t you?", he sounded like he was almost out of breath just due to his adrenaline.

He stroked her thighs playfully, his grip went more firm after seconds. Ruben watched her closing her eyes in pleasure with an opened mouth.

"I asked you something, sunflower!", he  moved dangerously to her private parts.

" - I'm sorry - No, I didn’t think that. Really!", she almost whimpered desperately because of getting touched.

Ruben felt how his distressed pants got more and more thight. He rarely had the need of pleasuring himself if at all. This time he couldn't hold himself back., He slowly stroked himself, hand disappearing in his pants, taking his rough textured pen*s out of it. He gave it a few strokes on the shaft; one of the only parts left on his body which weren't totally numb. Oh, and how sensitive he was there!

"You're lying to me", he shook his head in amusement and drew circles over your now exposed panties, "You really dare to lie to me though you know that I can read expressions almost perfectly?"

"I - I just wanted to make you feel good and -"

He bent down to her and gave her a kiss on her lips with a chuckle, "Oh, I know that very well."

Ruben stroke up from the base of his cock, which was covered with some veins, with a tighter grip down to his tip. When he focused on the soft tip, he went a bit gentle and teased it with one finger.

His imagination skipped a bit forward, leaving out the foreplay.

„Are you sure you wanna do this now, princess?", he stared down at her in a missionary pose. He already lined up his cock to her entrance and teased her hole with it.

"With you, absolutely! Just stop the tease now, ... please!", she took a deep breath and looked at him when he entered her slowly.

He took his average sized member entirely in his hand, pretending like it would be in her slit. Ruben pumped it with smooth movements and he let out some moans here and there.

He was alone in his huge mansion anyways. The full moon did shine straight through his window down to his bed as if he  was in spotlight. Everything was playing around him and about his pleasure right now.

Ruben was fully concentrating on pictures of a naked Y/N, whom he owned in his act. How she would praise his name all over again, filling him with deep kisses , changing positions to experiment of getting deeper.

By speeding up the pace and tightening his grip, he felt how something was building up in his lower regions.

He breathleassy slipped out her name by accident (which he would be truly ashamed of later).

To reach his orgasm, he played with his tip, this time using his other hand. It didn't take him much to release his seed on his pants. It was more than he ever released before, during his previous sessions where he didn't have any naughty fantasies about a specific person.

The afterwave took his sharp eyesight for a while. He couldn’t control his breath, nor his awareness. It didn’t take him much to pass out. He did build way too much adrenaline which his body couldn’t handle very well. He was literally on his limits with his body. Being so exhausted, he didn’t have the time to think and reflect on his sinful thoughts. So, with shaking hands, he slipped out of his dirty pants and threw it on the floor before closing his eyes to fall asleep immediately

[purpureumwrites]

Homelander x Reader | Sweetheart, I’m a gentleman

A/N: The request mentioned “trying to rape” but I left it in extremely innapropriate. Justifying how reader would get to the boys didn’t make too much sense without a little cameo here. Hope you’re happy with it, I’m a bit unsure about it? (This kind of has potential for a part 2 with mainly the boys now that I think about it)

Summary: Reader is not just a human from Earth, but Homelander has no idea what he’s up to.

Warnings: None. Uncomfortable situation.

Word count: 1.2k

Weeks ago you joined Vought. It was an easy administrative job, nine to five, that provided enough money for you to live simply. A normal job like any other where you could blend in with the rest of the ever growing company. Perfect for you. Perfect for someone hiding in plain sight, in a planet that wasn’t their own.

You had been working there for two or three months when you started feeling the observant eyes of a man watching you from afar. The building was full of people constantly, from supes to their neurotic marketing teams to the poor people cleaning after them. It crossed your mind that it might be just your imagination but yours instincts rarely failed you. Not that you were concerned.

The floor were you worked was practically empty. Most of the building was already in the dark and through the windows you could see the lights of the city. You often left late. Your schedule was pretty flexible, as long as the work was done when it should. So you woke up later in the morning and enjoyed the few quiet last hours, after most employees had already left. It was such a different place at that time of the day.

It was around 8pm when you were content with your progress for the day. You turned off your computer and made a quick trip for the bathroom before picking up your things and leave. While you walked back through the dark corridor to the huge, open plan office you saw a man that wasn’t there before. Definitely not sitting on your desk, definitely not wearing a blue suit and a red cape.

He smiled when you approached him, very sure of himself.

“I’ve been looking forward to meet you”, he said, standing up. “I’m Homelander”

“Yeah, everyone knows”, you shrugged.

Big, powerful man thinking it was appropriate to approach a lonely woman in a deserted floor at night? Repulsive.

As you had planned, you started tidying up your desk and setting your bag to leave. You saw his smile falter in the corner of your eye. Your colleagues had expressed their concerns about you leaving so late, when it was already dark and unsettling and they thought anything might happen to you. You shrugged it off. There wasn’t a man on Earth that could harm you.

Your lack of attention seemed to bother Homelander. He stood there for a few seconds, surprised by your reaction. He cleared his throat before recovering his composure. He took another step forward, approaching you from behind while you shuffled through the things on your bag, that was resting in your chair.

You could hear his heart beat with perfect clarity. It was pumping faster now, probably bothered by your apathy. He could probably count with his fingers how many people would ignore him so blatantly, specially without their knees shaking afterwards. Even if he wasn’t a extraordinarily powered, famous, big man, how many women wouldn’t be smiling and playing along out of pure survival instinct?

He put a hand on your waist, turning you around and pinning you against him.

“You are a very beautiful woman”, he smiled like a someone who hadn’t broken a plate in his life.

“If I were you, I would put away that hand”

“Sweetheart, I am a gentleman”, he answered towering over you.

Before he had time to react, you took his wrist and twisted it behind his back, pushing him face down to the table with your other hand. You felt him struggle and saw his eyes light up red.

“I did warn you”

Homelander blinked, astounded. He tried to rise up again, but you were far too strong. Stronger than Homelander? That wasn’t possible. If there was a supe that powerful, Vought would have taken advantage of it a long time ago. Not just that, you would have certainly joined The Seven at that point.

And now, in the most humilliating position he had ever found himself in, he was weighing his options and the huge risk you could mean for him. But you were just some office lady, why would you be keeping your powers a secret?

“I was just fooling around. But, I have to say, there are a few cameras around us. Not that anyone checks them in the regular, but if someone reminded them like, you know, Homelander himself, some people might be very curious about you”

He chuckled when he saw the panic in your eyes, looking around for them. The same way his overconfidence had betrayed him, your own had just betrayed you. The moment they did any kind of health check, they would realize there was something very out of the ordinary. You weren’t a human with crazy powers. You weren’t a supe. You weren’t a human at all. And it had taken a lot of effort hiding it from the world. The videos wouldn’t prove anything but they would certainly be too interesting and would draw very undesired and dangerous attention.

“You will not”

“What are you going to do? Kill me?”, he faked being deep in thought. “Not likely while we’re live. Though I’m very curious to see how you would manage that”

A soft voice spoke from the door.

"Everything okey?", asked a petite blond girl dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt. Starlight.

***

You and the girl stood on the elevator. You had seen her before, from afar, and didn’t think much of her. Pretty, blond, awfully polite... boring. Without the suit, she still was your typical naive looking girl, but the change in her demeanor, the fact that she wasn’t trying to be anyone but herself, gave her a different character.

“You know he’s not gonna leave you alone, right?”, she asked looking straight forward.

“Really?”, you answered trying not to sound defeated.

She took her hand out of her pocket and spread it towards you. You took the small white piece of paper inside it. An address.

“Go there. Tell them you’ve got a… problem with Homelander and they will take you in. About being a supe… I would tread lightly, but they’re not bad guys, it should be okey. No one hates him more than they do and I think you might be able to help them”

“I’m not a… sure”, you backtracked. “I’ll keep that in mind”

***

You walked into the foul smelling back alley and found the door you supposed was the one. You knocked, not sure what to expect. The girl had walked in the opposite direction the moment you left the building. You knocked. After the voices inside quieted down, you heard heavy steps approaching. As the door opened, a tall man, with a grim face, looked you up and down.

“And who the fuck might you be… darling?”

[robinsnest2111]

The band comforting their bassist in a vulnerable moment? It's more likely than you think!

I expanded on a random vision I had, enjoy these 1k words of the scenario from Murderface's POV :P

Warning for:

Lots of swearing and self deprecating language, because Murderface. Not beta'd, so there may be mistakes.

It had been building up within him for some time now. Every little thing just added onto the pile of all the shit that happened to him. Deep down, subconsciously, he knew that it was only a matter of time before something would set him off again. Would make all the bottled up emotions break free again. But hell, if he could tell before it got to that point. It only ever occurred to him afterwards, making him hate himself even more for exploding. A vicious cycle, really.

Right now, though? He was in the process of losing it. Some remark or other must've done it; didn't really matter. But instead of the usual anger resulting in a quick outburst, he felt flooded with frustration and... sadness? 

He could feel the tears slowly clouding his vision, felt his throat constrict, the pit in his stomach. 

Huh, that was new. It took a bit for the panic to set in. This was new, this had never happened to him before? Crying in front of the others? No, no way! That would make him a weak and pathetic loser! He had to keep it together long enough to come up with an excuse to leave and leg it out of there to repress all of this in peace. Didn't matter if he cried if no one was around to see it!

He was so lost in thought that he didn't notice Pickles talking to him at first. He was... asking him a question? 

"Dood. Why are ya so quiet? Something wrong?" Oh shit.

At least one person was catching onto him not acting his usual self. Fuck. This was bad. Quick! Think of something, you dumbass! Say something! Do something! Anything!!!

Apparently, the only thing his body was capable of at the moment was betraying him. By making him look up in Pickles' direction and fucking whimpering instead of talking! Way to go asshole. Fuck!

"...Murderface, what the- are you… crying?" The expression on his bandmate's face turned from confusion to ...concern? That couldn't be, it was just a matter of seconds before he would make fun of him for being such a sensitive crybaby, the others probably gearing up to join in on the usual bullying.

Once again too caught up in his own mind, he didn't notice Pickles reaching for his hands until they were carefully held in the drummer's. A quiet "Hey" made him look up, Pickles' face a little closer than before, the concern and care now unmistakable. 

This was it, the last straw. The tears were flowing, as was the snot, and he let out a pathetic and pained wail. It was all so strange and too much, too much, TOO MUCH!

His hands were maneuvered into one of Pickles' while he reached out to cradle his face with the other. "Dood..."

Between his loud sobs, he noticed the absence of any kind of comment from the others. Usually he would have some choice words for them and promptly leave, the sound of his bandmates joking and laughing about his reaction drifting out of the room after him.

Not this time though. He was still there. Everything was quiet apart from the embarrassing amount of crying and wailing he was doing. Fuck!

Pickles was stroking his cheek now. Weird, but strangely soothing? What kinda magic trick was that?! Then he felt a big warm hand settle on his trembling shoulder. Could it be? No, Nathan would never! A quick glance revealed that it was indeed the singer's hand trying to give a reassuring squeeze, black nail polish and all. What the hell was going on and why the fuck couldn't he stop crying?

Eventually, he felt the hand on his cheek guide his face to rest on the drummer's shoulder. He was probably ruining Pickles' shirt with his leaking eyes and nose. How disgusting. Nathan's hand wandered to his back, going for gentle rubs which helped the ache due to the unrelenting sobs jostling his body, messing up his breathing. In the time it took for Pickles to wrap his arms around his trembling body and him to mirror the drummer, clinging to him for dear life, he felt another hand settle on his head. It's owner seemed hesitant at first, long slender fingers then burying themselves in his hair. Short well-kept nails giving him light pats and scritches. Skwisgaar. Shit, what was happening?

Only one other person missing now. Ah, there he was. Toki. Through the haze, he felt the last of his bandmates press up to his side, putting his head on his shaking shoulder, nuzzling his face into his neck. He could feel the Scandinavian's long hair settling over part of his back, slowly warming up the covered area. Damn, Toki was a furnace! He had never noticed before. And what was that? A low rumble. Was he... was Toki having a go at purring? What a nerd. It seemed to work though. On top of all of them basically forming a brutally awkward cuddle pile around him, it was indeed helping to calm him down. Slowing his racing heart, soothing the ache and evening out his breathing.

After a while, the tears stopped. He had finally calmed down. His head felt empty and full at the same time. Void of any volatile, explosive emotion while feeling like it was stuffed with a million dirty dish towels. Probably from crying so hard. Urgh, what a mental image. Then he realised that he was still surrounded by the others and that they all would have to let go eventually. His bandmates witnessed his embarrassing display of weakness and would never let him live it down! Fuck! He cringed and slowly one after the other gave him some space, removing their hands from his body. 

"Well uhh... that was-" "Now dats dat ams overs-" 

"Guysch, I-" 

Before anyone could finish their sentence, Pickles took hold of one of his hands once again, apparently the only one not quite as embarrassed by the entire situation.

"You okey now?"

He took a moment to think. Was he? He still felt strange for wailing and sobbing like a damn baby. But, he did feel... lighter somehow. Relieved? At least for the time being. He cleared his throat, gingerly wiping the tears from his cheeks and the snot from under his nose, cleaning it all off on his shorts.

"Yeah. Yeah, I think scho."

It actually felt kind of nice to have some tangible proof the others cared about him in some way, despite their official No Caring Rule. He would never admit that to anyone though, he wasn't weak like that.

[maneskinrollercoaster]

~ And All That For a Lighter ~

Pairing: Damiano David x Naomi (fictional character)

Word count: 3035

Warnings: none

Summary: Naomi meets Damiano in a café for the first time.

Naomi entered the café all soaked, her cheeks red from running and her hair messy and wet from the rain. It was pouring outside which was the thing she despised the most. Surprisingly tho she felt good. Fresh. She loved walking around Rome in the morning and for the first time in her life she admired this rainy weather. Little drops of water flowed over her cheek. Her life was a big mess and you could say she needed something new.

When a month ago she found her boyfriend cheating with her best friend she felt like her whole life collapsed. That’s when she decided to change something. Start a new life. She started admiring things she’s never liked before, she started dressing differently, she became more confident in her own body. She even started working out which was the most unexpected thing since physical education was her least favorite subject in high school.

Naomi always thought love was the most essential part of everyone’s life, but a sight of Alessandro having fun in their bed with Sofia made her hate love more than anything. She decided to move on and live life completely and only for herself.

- Buongiorno Joey - she said reaching the bartender standing behind the counter.

- Buongiorno piccola, what can I get for you?

- One espresso please, and one brownie - the bartender nodded and started preparing her order.

She decided to sit down since she would probably spend a lot of time working on her laptop and enjoying this rainy morning. The inside of café was warm and welcoming, comfortable couches, puffy pillows and a lot of plants. She visited this café every day for the past two weeks and she found herself enjoying this place maybe even more than her new flat.

Naomi went to sit in the corner on a cozy red couch. She took off her soaked jacket and pulled out her laptop with a couple of notebooks. She was a student of economy and since she had to find herself some more things to do she decided to actually try harder to have a better degree at her college. She wasn’t so fond of the direction she chose but she knew it’s gonna bring her a prosperous life. In fact her favorite thing in the world was art. She started painting when she was 8 years old. Since then she really enjoyed staying all day alone in her room painting everything she could, from beautiful portraits to mesmerizing landscapes. She had a huge talent but she was too afraid to chase her dreams.

When she met Alessandro he quickly bashed her ideas of becoming a professional painter, saying that it’s not something she will build her life on and that she will be only wasting her time. She was mad at him for a couple of days but then she quit her painting dream and chose economy for her main subject.

- Ecco a te, one coffee and one brownie - said Joey bringing her order to the table and putting it right in front of her.

- Grazie mille - Naomi answered and smiled to him.

She took a sip of coffee and smiled. It was delicious. That was another reason why she kept coming back here every day. They made the best coffee she’s ever drunk.

Two hours passed and Naomi was still working on her assignment she was supposed to give in till next Monday. It was about lunch time so she decided she will pack her things in an hour and she will go find a place to eat something. She took the last sip of the coffee and finished her first task when someone pulled her out of her little trans.

- Ah shit! I’m all wet! - she heard someone saying and moment later she saw a guy reaching the bartender.

He was tall and had slightly longer, dark brown hair. She could only see his profile but only that was enough for her to admit that he was really handsome. He was wearing black trousers, black Dr. Martens, white tank top and an oversized black jacket. He looked good and Naomi couldn’t take her eyes off of him.

- Damiano! It’s so good to see you man! - Joey said and shook hands with the new guy.

Damiano. The name really suit him. Naomi didn’t take her eyes off him even once.

- Ciao, ciao, Joey! - his voice was attractive as well. Raspy and deep but really calm.

Naomi didn’t know what was happening. Usually she didn’t pay attention to any guys after Alessandro but he was different. He looked edgy and bold but he seemed nice too. She was staring at him. And not in a polite way. She was literally eyeing him from up and down and she didn’t even realize.

- Give me an espresso man, I’m so tired, I just woke up. Yesterday we had so much fun. Victoria came up with this new idea of the song and we all stayed up late till 4 am trying to figure out how to pull it up together. - Damiano said.

So he’s into music. Nice. Naomi was still staring at him so rudely but she didn’t care at this point. Music is also art - she thought and smiled slightly not letting go of his person.

- Typical you, Dam, you’ve never slept a full night, did you? - Joey said and they both laughed.

- Do you have a lighter maybe? I forgot mine. - Damiano said and started searching his pockets.

- I don’t man, sorry. Let me make your order. Anything else for you?

- No, no that’s all. I’m gonna go search for a lighter and I’ll be back.

He turned around searching for people but at this time the café was empty. Only Naomi sitting in the corner. He started walking towards her. Oh shit, he’s coming here, stop staring, stop staring, stop staring - Naomi thought and looked at her laptop trying to pretend that’s she didn’t just checked him out for 10 minutes straight.

- Scusi, I’m.. - he reached her table and started speaking but stopped when she looked at him. - I’m sorry to interrupt but do you have a lighter maybe? - he said after a second.

- No, I’m sorry. I don’t smoke. - Naomi blushed and smiled lightly.

- Okey, grazie. - he smiled and started walking away.

- But there’s a store at the corner, I think they might have some. - Naomi said

- Grazie, grazie. - he laughed slightly and waved at her.

Naomi went back to her tasks still blushing not knowing why. 15 minutes passed and Damiano entered the café again carrying two bags. He came up to Naomi smiling.

- I uh.. Sorry to interrupt again but.. Do you want to maybe eat lunch with me? I just thought that it’s lunch time and you’re sitting here alone and since you helped me with the lighter.. - he couldn’t stop speaking and Naomi blushed again laughing. He looked a bit nervous.

- Of course, I would love to eat lunch with you. - she said interrupting him.

- I’m Damiano - he said pulling out his hand.

- Naomi - she said and grabbed his hand to shake it but he turned it and kissed the top of her palm.

She felt something weird in her stomach, like butterflies but she pushed them aside and only smiled to him. Damiano sat on the couch opposite Naomi and put two bags on the table.

- I didn’t know what you like, obviously because I don’t know you, yeah very clever Dam, whatever.. - he started speaking and Naomi couldn’t stop but laugh at him loudly

- Don’t worry, I’m not a peaky eater - she said sending him a reassuring smile.

- Alright, well, I ordered pasta with shrimps and some pesto and cherry tomatoes. - he said taking out the box with food from the bag. - I also got you a cherry smoothie but we can switch if you’d like.

- Wow, and that all for a lighter? You really didn’t have to. But thank you so much, I was about to go for lunch anyways. - she said grabbing the box that he handed her.

- Yes well, you’re really beautiful.. I mean, no.. I mean you are beautiful but I just wanted to say that you’re really nice and yeah I don’t know I just thought you might like to eat something.. Not that you look like you’re starving but yeah..

- Heyyy, thank you, really, that’s so nice of you. - she said smiling widely.

Naomi took the first bite of her pasta and it was delicious. She remembered her grandmother cooking shrimps every Saturday and all her family gathering together for a family dinner in the garden. It tasted just the same.

They ate everything and after two hours of talking and laughing and getting to know each other it was time for Joey to close the café. Naomi stood up and packed her things, said goodbye to Joey and together with Damiano they stepped out of the café. It stopped raining and instead there was a full sun and a fresh breeze.

- So what are you gonna do now? - he asked standing in front of her.

- Umm.. I think I’m just gonna go back to my flat, make myself some snacks and watch Netflix till I fall asleep - Naomi laughed.

- Alright well, do you mind if I walk you home? - Damiano asked steeping a bit closer to her.

- Sure, why not, we can take a walk.

That day Damiano walked Naomi to her house and they exchanged numbers, planning to meet again. He kissed her cheek for goodbye and squeezed her hand and Naomi has never felt like that in a long time. She was happy and Damiano, even tho she met him today, made her feel really good. Naomi couldn’t sleep that night still thinking of him and wondering why she felt so different around him.

*3 months later*

- What do you mean you don’t like Star Wars! - Damiano shouted to Naomi while they both walked towards the beach where they were supposed to watch sunset and have a little picnic.

Since the day they met they spent almost every day together. Damiano surprised her with multiple occasions to go out together, either for lunch or dinner or even breakfast when he woke up earlier than usual. He found himself falling for her. In fact he realized he fell for her the day he first laid his eyes on her. He found her funny, spontaneous and really kind and caring. When she told him about her painting dream he was so shocked she gave up, that he argued with her till he convinced her to chase the dream even if she thought it was too late. Naomi really enjoyed his company, he made her feel really happy and safe and most importantly - loved. She knew she developed some feelings and she didn’t want to admit it but at the back of her head she knew she fell in love. He made her laugh and supported her when she was having bad moments. He became her best friend at some point. Both of them were taking things a bit slower tho, they were both afraid, broken-hearted after rough ended relationships.

- I just don’t, I don’t understand how they made so many movies out of such a lame plot. - she said defending herself.

- How can you even say that! The plot is amazing! The space action scenes, come on! - he said offended but smiling.

- Yeah I just don’t see the point of filming it, that’s all.

- I don’t know how Victoria can still be friends with you, we’re both huge fans of Star Wars! You’re lucky I like you - Damiano started laughing and put his arm around Naomi’s shoulders.

She got to meet Victoria, Ethan and Thomas. Bassist, drummer and guitarist of their band Måneskin. Naomi wasn’t really into music so she didn’t really know them and didn’t know they’re pretty known here in Italy. Victoria was the kindest person Naomi could ever see. When her and Damiano stepped into the studio where they were recording, Vic was the first to reach out to her. She hugged her tightly and was clearly really happy to meet her. She then introduced Thomas and Ethan to her. Thomas started joking around that Damiano finally found himself a girlfriend and Ethan was really polite, he kissed Naomi’s hand and hugged her too, smiling really kindly. They were all so nice. They started inviting her over for dinners or just to hang out by the pool. She also listened to them playing and recording their new songs. Damiano told them that she wanted to be a painter and they all started reassuring her even more, that chasing her dream is the best thing for her and that she should never give up. Naomi really felt like she finally found her place.

Naomi and Damiano reached the beach, they put the blanket on the sand, put out all the food from the basket and they sat opposite each other. They were both smiling widely and chatting about everything. They drank some wine, ate some pasta and then they sat next to each other admiring the sunset.

- I really like you, you know? - Damiano said glancing at Naomi. - And I mean, I like you a lot. You’re really an amazing person with so much talent and you’re just so caring and loving. You really make me happy. - he said not taking his eyes off of her.

- Dami.. - Naomi started but she was interrupted.

- What I want to say is.. - he took her hands - I fell in love with you Naomi. I fell for you hard and I’m pretty sure since the day I saw you at that café. I care about you so much and any time with you is my favorite time in the world. So if you want to.. We could try, you know.. Being together, like, in a relationship. - he said in one breathe.

Naomi was speechless, her stomach was squeezing and she felt her cheeks turning red. She never would have though that someone will make her feel like this again. She knew that he cares for her but she didn’t know that he would feel the same way she felt about him.

- Dami.. Of course I do want to try, you make me the happiest, and honestly I didn’t know you feel the same way, that’s why I didn’t say anything. And also because.. - Naomi wanted to tell him about Alessandro but she was scared that Damiano will back off, saying that he will give her time.

- What’s wrong, bella? - he said gently squeezing her hand.

- I was in a relationship before. His name was Alessandro and we met before I started college. We were together for 3 years and everything was going just fine. But then.. One day when I came back home earlier than usual I found him cheating with my best friend, Sofia. Since then I just decided to not get into any relationship and live only for myself because I was too afraid to get hurt again - Naomi said looking down at their intertwined hands.

- Oh bella.. - Damiano pulled her into a tight hug.

He stroked her back and her hair and he was whispering to her ear. A single tear fell down her cheek but not because she was hurt but because of how gentle and caring Damiano was. He hugged her and made her feel better and she couldn’t find herself with anyone else right now than with him. He pulled away, looked into her eyes and smiled slightly.

- I was in a relationship too a while ago. It turned out we didn’t match and our life goals and perspectives were so different that we decided to end things. Maybe it wasn’t as harsh as your breakup but I felt awful for at least a month. I didn’t go out of my room and I lost all will to write music. Victoria brought me food every day but I just didn’t want to eat. But it all passed.. Listen, if you need more time it’s all good, I’ll give you space and I’ll wait till you’re ready.

Naomi was silent for a couple of seconds. In her head there was a battle. She wanted to let go of bad memories and trust Damiano completely, start a relationship with him, but on the other hand she was scared to get hurt again.

- No Dami. I don’t need time, I know what I want and I know how you make me feel and that’s why I want to try. - Naomi said hugging him tightly.

She knew she just overcame her fear and she felt free. Like a huge stone fell off of her heart. She felt amazing and she wanted to live this moment as long as she could. Damiano pulled away and cupped her cheek with his hand. He pulled her closer and she could feel his breath on her face. Slowly, but slightly Damiano leaned in and brushed his lips against hers. Naomi touched his cheek and pulled him even closer. And then they both intertwined their lips in a gentle, yet passionate kiss.

Naomi felt her stomach squeezing when Damiano put his hand on her back. It was their first kiss and the sunset was almost turning into the night. They pulled away after seconds and smiled widely at each other.

- I promise, I’ll always take care of you. - Damiano said leaning his forehead against hers.

- Always. - Naomi said grabbing his hand and intertwining their fingers together.

That’s when they both knew that they found soulmates in each other.

[sukirichi]

Sukkiiiii YOUR FAVORITE SIGNED HEADPHONES ANON IS BACK nojkjk HAHAHAHAHABut Anywhooo how're uuuuu?? Fine I hope AND okei I have a lot to unpack so as Im typing this while I cut pictures for an anime backdrop poster for our Family Christmas Party—no jkjk I legit had to finish it first

Lemme start withhh replying to ur last reply to my shortest ask yet. Actually at that time my exams were done—they ended Dec 16, then had our Christmas Party at 17 but anywho that's not the point here bc I was actually busy with smth else—I was legit busy cramming the additional tasks my teachers assigned. Anyways enough about that—Im gonna reserve the other for part two

SOOO let us talk about Dusk Til Dawn—YEEEEEEE I Love It. Periodt. I just didn't like how I had to stop bc of my Cold like I had to sneeze every now and then so my reading was chop-chop aaaanddd as a self proclaimed veteran of a fanfic reader and suki fan, right off the bat of reading chap one I alr knew it was too good to be true well like, NGL U GOT ME HOOKED but then I saw that the song for the second chap was from Tears of Gold but did u change it? I think u did—right?I haven’t read chapter two YET but seeing everyone else’s reactions got me goin 🤡😅😂🥲😰🤯🙃 Seeing the Iris hate got me wheezing but dw, I can see myself joining in too

BUT OKEI U UNDERSTAND FILIPINOO?!?!? Well I did have my suspicions since u listen to Ben and Ben so, anyways nakaka-excite lang sya and to the anon who ranted in Filipino—BET AHAHAHAHAHAHA the way you just wanna pull her hair HAHAHAHA

Now when I saw the original plot line of DTD, I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD the whole reason on why Kiyoomi’s song with YN was Wildest Dreams bc They never end up together 😭😭😭😭, but they both shared something that YN could never forget and so “my last condition is” to actually atleast remember what they had even if Kiyoomi is married and happy with someone else that I for sure hate bc I was team Kiyoomi. I was alr crushed just by reading the whole plot so what more if it was written hahaha 🤡🤡🤡🤡 so now let’s just see what this new DTD holds, more heartbreak I suppose but I apparently love how it hurts like u can’t get enough of it ya’know just like Home From War 🤡🤡🤡🤡 but nonetheless I am team still Kiyoomi all ze way

ya’know with Oikawa as Endgame with the original plot. (If I recall correctly thats what I read) Tbh it was eh for me but it made sense as well. It must hurt for Oikawa knowing that he was just a last option but if he does rlly love YN Im sure he was willing to endure it—every unrequited love ever, but honestly Im not super picky with who YN ends up with, Im just KIYOOMI WHY DIDN’T U FIGHT FOR YN?! 😭😭😭😭 I WOULDVE FOUGHT FOR U TOO YKK TT TT

Okei wow that part one, took me year to write—get it? *cricket noise* Hahaha—yeahhhh—HAHAHAHAHA

WITH LOTS OF LOVEEEEE!!! AND POSTIVITYYY!!!

-🎧

AYO HEADPHONES ANON, I’M SORRY FOR THE LONG REPLY, MY DAYS HAVE BEEN HECTIC BUT HELLO OMG I MISSED YOU! also whoa anime backdrop poster? for Christmas? your holidays sounds lit to me 😭

ooh congrats for finishing your exam, I hope you passed with flying colors! OH YEAH I THINK I CHANGED THE SONG but I don’t remember what the original song was – NO WAIT THE ORIGINAL SONG FOR CH2 WAS “YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL” BY LANA DEL REY but I’m reserving that for future chapters hehehe. ALSO YEAH I UNDERSTAND TAGALOG HAHAHA but I don’t understand everything so I’ll have to translate bits and pieces there. and omg yeah I remember the anon who ranted in Tagalog, it was such a mood! sometimes I can’t fully express myself in English too and its just so satisfying to say “gago ka, suna” or something like that, but I actually don’t like cursing in Tagalog because it’s too…intense. yeah, it’s extremely intense.

DUDEEEE OMG (is it okay to call you dude? lmk if its not!) YES WILDEST DREAMS FOR KIYOOMI AHSJKAA im ngl I think most of my series song inspos came from Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift has so much great songs about toxic relationships and the harsh truth of love sometimes, like how Wildest Dreams perfectly captures the, “I know we’re not going to stay forever, but I hope you cherished me anyway” LIKE PLS IT HURTS THINKING ABOUT OMI OMI. and yes, oikawa was endgame in the original plot and looking back at it now, the part of me that’s just obsessed with toxic fictional men is making me throb again. oikawa is NOT endgame here since he’s barely a love interest, but the thought is definitely nice. like hmm yes mean husband. mean, arrogant, handsome, sexy man… RED FLAG…but hot… anyways. NAUR YEAH KIYOOMI SHOULD’VE FOUGHT FOR YN IN THE ORIGINAL DTD VERSION that was so wrong of him smh /lh

TOOK A YEAR TO WRITE AHJSKAA PLS I WOULD SO USE THAT PUN EVERY NEW YEAR TOO HELP. AND SENDING YOU LOTS OF LOVE BACK, MWAHHH!

[ilikekidsshows]

Could you talk more about Adrien and Lila being foils?

Okey dokey.

So, I haven't seen the original dark mirror meta about these two, so I might end up treading some of the same ground, but hopefully I'll be able to bring some manner of new material to the table.

Lila and Adrien are constructs of similarity and opposition. I talked before about how similar they both are in their social goals and methods for reaching them. Adrien and Lila are both "beautiful people", not only attractive in looks, but compelling, interesting and charismatic in persona. They're the two characters most likely to be seen surrounded by others.

However, the people who surround them aren't really their friends-friends, and only get to see the parts of them that they deem socially acceptable. Lila constructs fanciful tales about her wild adventures and talks about how she's oh-so-helpful without ever actually helping anyone in any way. Meanwhile Adrien is the picture perfect gentleman, soft-spoken and kind, always willing to give someone his time. They both want to be liked, but Lila wants to be the center of attention while Adrien wants to fit in. Adrien also does genuinely do nice things for others even if not always for selfless reasons, while Lila never helps anyone out in the show ever. In fact, when she was trying to win Adrien over in ‘Volpina’, she stole and dumped the Grimoire. Lila actively harms people.

Their behavior also leads to them forming parasocial relationships. Adrien gets hounded by crazed fans when he wants to do nothing more than see the rare movie his mother starred in, because they're under the impression he's everyone's friend so of course they're entitled to his time and attention at any given moment. Everyone believes Lila's stories without a speck of scepticism even as they get increasingly wild, because they have the impression Lila is such a nice, helpful girl, she could never be a liar. Lila is very much like an online influencer, who also often exaggerate or even lie about their money or social situation to appear more interesting on camera but their audience never even thinks to question it because they have this cool online "friend" who always has such interestesting stories to tell.

The most important difference between these characters, as it is the reason they come into conflict, is in their relationships with Marinette and Ladybug. While the two would eventually come into conflict over Lila being a wannabe supervillain while Adrien is a superhero, the reason they have come into conflict in the show so far is over Marinette. Adrien adores Marinette, while Lila despises her. Adrien is the one who voiced exactly how much Marinette means to their entire class in the season two finale, while Lila makes it her mission to tear Marinette and her position down in 'Chameleon'. Similarly, Ladybug is the love of Adrien's life, while she's also the single person Lila hates more than Marinette.

This show does a lot of good vs bad contrasts, and Adrien and Lila are no exception with Adrien being a chosen protector or Paris while Lila is an aspiring supervillain. However, they are similar in this too. The similarity comes in how willing they are to take on these roles. Cat Noir is a lot more hyped about being a superhero than Ladybug, from the very beginning in 'Origins', and Lila is also a more willing villain than Hawk Moth. Gabriel became a villain to get his wife back, Lila wants to become one to get back at Ladybug.

Adrien also puts other people ahead of himself at all times even outside of his role as a superhero. This is because of his abuse background, so he's basically been trained to be selfless to a fault. He has to really want something and/or have Plagg egging him on to act selfishly. This trait is what gets him chosen as a hero, since Fu sees him put helping a random stranger over his own happiness (getting to go to school). Meanwhile, Lila's first priority is herself and she thinks kindness doesn't exists, labeling kind people as either "gullible" or "stupid" in 'Chameleon'.

Also, their rooms. Adrien's is wide and most often shown fully bright or with a half-bright-half-shadows dichotomy, while Lila's is almost claustrophobic in how it’s always shown in darkness, despite being a pretty regular size. There’s also other symbolism in how light is used to depict their rooms. Lila’s room has a single window with the blinds down but not closed: she’s shutting people out but always observing them for weaknesses. Meanwhile Adrien’s large windows create shadows that make the room resemble a prison, which it has the potential to turn into, so the threat of being locked up against his will constantly looms over Adrien like a shadow.

However, there are still similarities. Adrien and Lila are both collectors. Adrien's collection is one of video games while Lila has a collection of masks. These collections showcase important aspects of their characters: Adrien values having a good time and Lila values always keeping her true self hidden. Adrien just wants to have fun with other people and loves having other people in his room to play with ('Party Crasher' and 'Félix' showcase this). Lila places value on the different masks she wears themselves. Does she even remember why she wears them anymore?

This one is going fully into wild theories territory, but Lila's bracelet looks like a friendship bracelet. I've made a bunch of these at various camps as a kid by weaving different colored strings together. They're commonly traded between friends.

Did Lila have a friend and the bracelet is either a token from one of her more memorable victims, or was this hypothetical friend the one using Lila and served as Lila’s Cynicism Catalyst?

I'll also briefly cover why exactly the story would want to use these characters as foils. That's because, ultimately, Lila is Adrien's opponent.

An important aspect of Lila and Adrien's relationship is the power games they play with each other. Each step of the way, they have been trying to figure each other out, and every time Lila is a step behind Adrien. Adrien figured out Lila was a liar way back in 'Volpina', but Lila didn't figure out that Adrien was onto her before 'Chameleon', when Adrien also started to realize the potential danger that Lila poses, which was further enforced by what he saw in 'Oni-Chan'. Then, Adrien realizes she's an actual threat to Marinette specifically in 'Ladybug', while Lila realizes that Adrien is completely capable of playing the same games she does.

Lila lets her guard down much more easily than Adrien, we see this in how she repeatedly lets her mask slip to show just how nasty she really is for Marinette and Adrien in 'Chameleon', while Adrien has never slipped with anyone to show just how damaged he is (the number one thing he is hiding). Everything he's told others is pretty innocuous stuff (e.g. "my only friend was Chloé"). Because Lila is more sloppy, she also allows herself to be smug with Marinette, thinking she has the real Adrien figured out already. However, she doesn't realize that she still hasn't figured Adrien out completely. Adrien might be wily, but he's also kind, and Lila messed with the people he wants to protect.

As we've seen from their interactions so far, ever since Adrien knew what she was like, he's been a step ahead of her. He's the one who sabotaged her original plan to get rid of Marinette (which was just waiting for Marinette to attack her publically and turn everyone against her) and he also stepped in to make her give up her second plan (framing Marinette for misdemeanours). So, while they're now focused on each other, Marinette is still right in the middle of the battle. The fight is between Lila and Adrien, but it’s about Marinette, so Marinette is still technically the main consideration in this sub plot, so it doesn’t sideline our main character entirely.

[smileyyoungchan]

Down-Lee Seokmin

Best friends au. Friends to lovers

DK x reader

Song for this one: Down- Blink-182

Phrases for this one: “Have I ever lied to you?” + “Why does everyone think we’re dating?” + “Stay with me”

Warning:none

Genre:fluff

You were sitting at a table, in the same bar where you first bumped into the boy that now was you best friend, Seokmin.

The exact same boy who was now entering the door, with his nonexistent elegance; in fact he opened the door and bumped into someone, throwing their coffee on the floor.

Seokmin was like a little kid, trapped in the body of a 23 years old man. But that’s why you loved him.

Yes. Loved him.

Cause, after a period of questioning, you admitted to yourself that you were in love with him, even tho you never said it out loud: too scared of the consequences, too scared of loosing him.

Just being friend with him was nice.

Seokmin sat in front of you, scratching the chair on the floor, causing everyone to move their sight on you.

“What’s up?” You asked, sipping your iced coffee.

“I have amazing news!”

You made a questionable look, nodding a bit, letting him know that he could continue talk.

“Seungkwan told me this. Basically, he saw Soonyoung going out with Chan! Can you believe this?”

He was so excited.

That was another reason to love him.

He was always so happy. He brought the sun in your life even if there was a storm.

Your personal ray of sunshine.

“I don’t believe you” you simply stated.

Seungkwan loved to spread rumours and to create some gossip out of his own mind, even if they weren’t real.

“Look, have I ever lied to you?” Seokmin seemed so offended.

“Yes? Multiple times?”

He dramatically gasped.

“Ok, name one single time”

“Uhm, last day? You said that you were coming over to my house, but you were lying on your couch? Or when you said-

“Ok ok, that’s enough! But trust me! It’s true this time!”

“Look, it’s not like I don’t trust you... but Seungkwan”

He thought about it, silently.

Realising that maybe you were right.

While he was thinking you just looked at how his expressions changed a lot, in the span of a minute.

His brown eyes were the best thing you’ve ever seen, and the way the hair touched, so softly, his forehead, and made a little heart shape on it. And then his perfect nose.

“Maybe you’re right” he sighed.

“It’s okey Seokmin-ah” you gently touched his hand, and he smiled at you, and you could have sweared that you saw a thousand stars in that moment.

He then stood up.

“You want something to eat?” He took his wallet out of his pocket, while catching the attention of a waiter.

“I’ll take a muffin”

The waiter came and Seokmin payed for the both of you.

“So nice to you to pay for your girlfriend” the waiter said, right before leaving.

On that very moment, you could have sweared, your face reached every single shadow of red.

Your crush for Seokmin was easy to catch, but luckily he was that smart to see such things.

He watched you and said: “why does everyone think we’re dating?”

You couldn’t help but felt a little hurted by the the tone of his voice by saying that phrase.

Does he hated the idea of dating you?

The waiter came in your help, saving you from answering.

“Here’s your muffin and here’s your cheesecake”

Seokmin gave the waiter the cutest smile on heart.

You were so lucky to have such a kind and cute and caring best friend.

You both proceeded to eat and, damn, now you understood why Seokmin always wanted to have breakfast on that specific bar, it was way beyond good.

Even tho you were enjoying your muffin something inside your mind was still thinking about your life with him as something more than best friends.

“Seokmin-ah” he stopped to eat and watched you.

His beautiful eyes met yours and you saw a thousand of stars and felt butterflies all over your stomach.

Wondering who decided to put those little butterflies on your stomach, you stared to talk: “Be honest with me, okay?”

He was so worried by the tone of your voice.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yes, yes. But- you took a little pause to think about everything. In the span of a second a thousand of thoughts flew in your mind. Was it safe to risk your relationship and declare your love?- do you hate the idea of being my boyfriend that much?”

He stopped to eat, looking at his cheesecake as it was the most interesting thing in the world. His face gained a cute shadow of pink.

“I-I don’t know” he said.

After a couple of seconds, where the silence was so thick that you could have used a knife to cute it, he spoke again: “Maybe, so? I mean we’ve been best friends since forever and I don’t think that dating each other is that good” for a moment you trusted him, like you always did.

But little you knew that he wasn’t been serious, he isn’t said the thing that he thought you would have loved to hear.

“I understand. Sorry I need to go, now”

You hurried up cause you were about to cry and didn’t want him to see you crying. Not for that topic.

When you closed the bar door right behind you, you let your boy collapse on a bench and you let the tears drop all over your clothes. They started to run from your eyes, to your cheeks and then proceeded to fall on your favourite Loki t-shirt, making it look like you two were crying together.

You felt a hot hand touching your shoulder.

“Ehi. It’s everything okay?”

You didn’t even watched him, or bothered to answer. You just nodded, while sobbing, making everything more clear that no, it wasn’t okay.

“What happened?” He sat beside you, taking your hand on his lap, and wrapping it with both of his hands.

“Do you really hate the idea of me being your girlfriend that much?”

He sighed, watching your hands gently wrapped with each other.

“No, I don’t. I thought that was the answer that you wanted to have, but luckily it wasn’t”

You were still processing his words, thinking that, maybe, your crying session ruined the meaning of them, and he wanted to say what you were thinking about.

“I would love to have you as a girlfriend. Cause, you know, I’m in love with you” he said, smiling at you.

You couldn’t help but smiled with him.

“For real?”

“I’m a 100% sure. I absolutely love you”

You hugged him and he whispered something like “stay with me, please. I need you”.

The tears were running again on your face, but this time because you were so happy.

“Omg I look like a mess right now. I’m sorry” you said.

“I don’t think so. You’re the most beautiful girl to me”

He catched a lonely tear with his thumb, on your cheek, and smiled again.

You were, also, the luckiest girl in heart.

[i-donot-forget]

4 Days

My Candy Love - Love Life

Eric - Candy/Sucrette - Nathaniel

Words 2373

Spoilers Ep 12 - 13

So I was thinking about the days between the kiss with Eric and our date four days later, but from his perspective.

I don't speak english very well, so this is like 90% google translate

DAY 0

I ran away like a coward after what I had done, what was I thinking? How did I let it happen? But they weren't my imaginations, she reciprocated, right? The more I tried to remember the details of that slip, my mind could only think of one thing, her and the softness of her lips, steal her breath, her glassy eyes and flushed cheeks despite my misdeed, I couldn't help but smile because the reality was more delicious than anything I had imagined. 

The loneliness of my apartment took me out of my reverie, now I had to deal with the consequences of my actions, the only question was when? surely as soon as she got home she would tell him how I took advantage of the situation, maybe Nathaniel was on his way here right now to beat me up, which I deserve anyway ...

I still felt the light touch of her perfume on me and it was driving me crazy, I went to take a cold shower with the horrible sensation of hearing a knock on the door, a product of my tormented imagination. I could not think and I had no one to talk to, I was going around the place like a caged lion, I looked at the clock again helpless when I saw that even time was making fun of me, I changed with the idea that there was only one thing that could distract me now, go for a run. I was going fast, lost in my thoughts with the uncomfortable feeling that I was being followed, stopped at a traffic light I was left blank when I saw a blond guy in a white jacket on the other side of the sidewalk, I knew it was not him and even so I could not take my eyes off him until I was 100% sure, I trotted past him receiving the smoke from his cigar fully on my face, By the time I got to the other side of the street, I needed a cigarette more than I needed oxygen. 7 years in the trash, I thought as I ripped off the plastic and opened the box, that first puff was the only thing that managed to calm me down a bit and before I knew it I was on the second.

I walked home calmer or the fact that my head was spinning absorbed some of my attention but when I closed the door the adrenaline and excitement had passed, now I was on the floor, I saw the time and resigned that tonight I could not sleep I dropped into the chair in front of the table that was overflowing with reports, I opened the laptop and gave myself to the escape who had rescued me from Melissa for the last year and there I could see an e-mail from Ben that I should have checked that afternoon if I wouldn't have been in such a rush to get to a certain cafe at 8pm.

DAY 1

By the time the sun rose I could no longer bear the thought of not knowing what to expect, so I called Nathaniel against my logic and common sense, put the phone on speakerphone, and put it on the table as I clung to the wood tightly. Each ringtone fed my paranoia. I expected the worst, screams, insults, threats, at the very least, and then he answered, I stammered incoherencies until I realized that he didn't know, she hadn't told him… yet. I told him about the information Ben had sent me feeling slightly relieved, I hung up the phone calmer but not better, this secret was a time bomb and I felt like garbage. 

I froze as I tightened the doorknob, because by inertia my feet would take me straight to the Cozy Bear, like every morning before work and every afternoon at closing time, but I couldn't go back there like nothing else, I was a criminal returning to the scene of the crime simply couldn't break into her space after what had happened, not without her authorization. I walked towards the station in the company of a cigarette and for some reason I could not remember when was the last time I had done this, I was tense, distracted, I could not concentrate even on the simplest idea my mind was restless and I simply could not ignore the why, I would have to look at his face and act like every day, I had to be convincing and it felt horrible. I hesitated before entering and after crossing the entrance I stopped for a few seconds to look inside, searching quickly, I took a deep breath out of inertia thinking I still had a few minutes left.

- I am glad I am not the only one who is affected by the investigation . -

A friendly slap on my shoulder caused me an exaggerated start but Nathaniel passed by directly to the Chief's office, I saw how he stopped at the threshold, looked at me and gestured for me to enter. I explained the progress in the investigation with few details until our superior resumed the meeting, luckily without a field operation on the agenda I could keep my distance without raising suspicions. The day was eternal and tortuous but it was already after 10 o'clock at night when I went to vent to the gym, 3 hours later I was at home, another night awake.

DAY 2

-  It is the second day you arrive smelling of cigarettes instead of coffee. I believed that with age your habits would improve, not worsen. Is the wisdom of old age a myth? -

Nathaniel joked as the sound of his fists on the punching bag filled the air, I set the dumbbell I was lifting on the ground before giving him a look.

- Yes, yes, I want to see in what condition you will be when you are my age, young man. -

- But seriously, two days without coffee? That's a record, the Cozy Bear will go broke without you. -

- Yes, well I'm changing the coffee for the gym. With the whole move in I realized that I am not in such good shape. -

- Have you already adapted to your new apartment? -

- I finally have a bedside lamp so even though I don't have a TV, or real china, I was able to finish the last book you recommended. -

- Great. Did you start something new? -

- Yes, in fact I'm already halfway there... it's something different, more suspense with some science fiction. -

- Boring… -

- Whatever you say... to tell the truth... I had discussed it with... Candy. -

- Oh yeah? -

- Yes, now that I think about it... she asked me for the reference, I saved an article from the internet with several titles of the same style. -

- Would you send it to her? will you do me a favor. -

- Sure, mmmh I don't have her number. -

- My phone is in my jacket, the pass is 4444. -

- Don't you know her number by heart? -

- Mmmm no. -

Upon unlocking the screen, the background photo was like a kick in the stomach, it was her with a beaming smile, which I did not remember ever seeing, I imagine that smile is only for him. I looked for the contact, "Honey" of course ... I sent it and put the phone quickly as if it burned in my hands.

I avoided the excused lunch with an imaginary date with a divorce lawyer, I drove through the city with no clear destination, away from those streets where by any chance of life I could come across her, I parked at a gas station when it became apparent that no matter how long I was behind the wheel I would not find the right words and finally I called her, dial tone and after a few minutes, mailbox. Come on again, she must be tending the cafe after all. Second try, back to the mailbox, this is more difficult than I thought. What if she doesn't want to answer me? No, how could she know it's me, maybe she has my number. But what nonsense are you saying? Of course she doesn't have your number, let's go once again the third time's the charm. And I was defeated, after the third attempt I did not have the courage to call again and the uncertainty began to fill my head, I drove back to the station with a thousand ideas going through my head and in all of them I am the villain.

I was collapsed on the desk in my office after the afternoon meeting when the phone rang, seeing her name on the screen made my heart race, I closed the blind on the door window and I hesitated for a moment before locking with key.

- Hello, Candy? Thanks for calling me back. I think we should talk ... -

- Eric? I don’t remember giving you my number. -

Yes ... I simply continue to deceive Nath to calm this uncertainty that is killing me, I continued to accumulate crimes and although I believed that I was prepared to face the consequences, I was surprised at myself, at what I was willing to do to find out. 

- Ahem... I asked Nath for it. I told him I wanted to share the name of the book we had talked about with you but… we both know that’s not the reason. I wanted for us to talk... about what happened between us, the other night. -

- And ... You couldn't have just stopped by? On the phone, it's a bit ... -

- I agree! But I wasn't sure that you wanted to see me. Well, anyway… -

- Okay, well, you know where to find me, right? I don't close before 8, if you haven’t forgotten… -

- Well ... I'm busy today... And tomorrow. I thought…… Maybe we can get a drink together in two days? I promise, it won't take long. -

- Uh… Okey, see you after tomorrow, then! -

When she hung up I felt that the world was turning again, that everything had stopped just with her voice, in the middle of all this a part of me was glad to hear her again. Little by little the plea that had almost stuttered became clearer,she could still hate me, disown me and want me as far as possible from her life. Maybe that was what I deserved, maybe that was for the best.

That night I slept fitfully waking up with a start until dawn, a single nightmare repeated itself in a loop, she laughing in my face for having been so stupid as to believe that there was something between us, that I was mistaken her sympathy for interest and I don't know how I could even dream of her leaving him for… for someone like me.

DAY 3

Jogging accompanied by the morning dew helped me wake up after not resting, somehow a choppy night's sleep was more harmful than a sleepless night, this lack was beginning to take its toll and it was already more than evident in my face that I was not having a good day. Today I would have a little field operation, nothing more to watch in case I saw anything suspicious, although I definitely couldn't see anything if I could barely keep my eyes open.

I hadn't been able to escape lunch today and Nath had already been staring at me for a couple of minutes.

- Everything is fine? -

Hearing that question aloud I hesitated, as if I was no longer physically capable of following this lie, I thought of confessing everything to him, not just the kiss, but this forbidden feeling that I had allowed myself to cultivate, how traitorous and scoundrel I was, but then I thought about her, and how I couldn't take away from her what belonged to her by right, if someone had to be the great antagonist it was me, the only one who would have to pay for deception and lies.

- Yes ... Although I think my attempt to give up coffee for something healthier is ironically killing me, I think I'll go back to my old habits. -

- Take care Eric, I still need you around for a while, someone has to stick up for this department. -

Who would say that words could cause physical pain felt like his words were digging into my back and blocking my throat. I could only smile. Sitting alone in an incognito vehicle my mind was blank, no, not blank really an idea had been fixed in my head as a clue that appears after rereading for the tenth time ... I could not, I simply could not do that to Nath, this had all been a huge mistake, a confusing and totally out of place situation, and it had to end as soon as possible. 

That night I couldn't sleep either, I spent the hours thinking about her, saying goodbye in some way to the moments that I had collected in my memory, I had kept this absurd fantasy for too long and I couldn't continue lying to myself.

DAY 4

This morning I was calm, despite being the day of our meeting, but perhaps it was not tranquility but resignation, today the suspense ended, this story that should never have existed ended.

The hours passed quickly because I had already made a decision, if I wanted to end this forever there should be no doubt, I had to tell her absolutely everything, so when she rejects me and denies each and every one of my hopes, I could turn off that light that still wants to see her, that not even the fact that she is with someone else has been able to extinguish, it must be her and it must be brutal.

I was surprised at how quickly the orange glow of the evening began to creep in through my office window, it seemed that after all I did not really want to go to my “date”. My discouragement was turning into nervousness with each step I took, by the time I realized I was outside the cafe.

And then I saw you through the window and I smiled without being able to contain myself because only when I saw you did I realize that I missed you and that I had not liked spending so many days without seeing you and that everything even seemed a little brighter... 

Oh… Shit, I'm really screwed...

[shinymooncolor]

I love your sw chats! If you need prompts: something centered around Remus!

Thank you - I’m sorry in advance. This turned a little angsty. But we get happy again. Remus to the rescue - this team would not survive without him.

Characters and universe by @lumosinlove ❤️

My ever shining and supportive ra(e)s of sunshine @wxlfstxrx and @siriuslyqueer. This one is for you guysss.

Sweater weather chat #6

Kuny is hurt. Nado is scared. Kasey and Sergei plans a murder. Sirius is angry. Walker makes a burrito blanket. Remus is the best. Kris is a mom. Remus calls Nado Jackie. He’s the only one allowed to do that. Crouch Jr. is Russian (sue me). We all hate the 🐍

Wednesday 1.22 pm

Eliascookie: why are Nado and Kuny yelling again? They’ve been fighting all day.

Timmyforrealz: they’ve been arguing for TWO days about who’d be the wife in their weird bromance. Also - They’re both totally the wife. It’s weird.. 🤨🤨

Ollibear: well apparently some shop clerk thought they were a couple and nado is mortally offended that Kuny said they weren’t

Nadotheman: IT WAS THE WAY HE SAID IT. Like he wouldn’t be the luckiest fucker alive to land me.

KrisVolley: but you are both into women?

Nadotheman: I know. Still offensive to know you’re not your best mates first pick.

Blizzard: Well we all know that eventually, Kuny is going to marry some Russian model and nado is their live-in, grown-ass man child 😏

Prongstar: He’s probably going on the honeymoon too. It’s weird

Siriusly: are you ladies reaDy to get back home and have your pre game naps... We have a game tonight and I want to beat those snakes

Sergei_81: 💪🏻🤛🏼🦷😡

Blizzard: aye aye captain 😴🥱

RussianGod: hehe we kick ass today!!!

Prongstar: whoooop!!! Let’s end the snakes 🐍

Dumodad: go sleep my babies. We need to be on tonight.

—

Wednesday 8.33 pm

7 missed calls from Nado

Nado: Remus where are you? Can I come to the hospital

Nado: Remus please can I talk to him?

Nado: Remussss

Nado: Is he ok?

Nado: He was down re, for a long time.

Wednesday 9.02 pm

Remus: hey Jackie, he’s okay. It’s not a concussion. Please stop calling - I promise to keep you updated. They might let him come home tonight. He’ll be okay. Are you home? Is someone with you?

Nado: remus he was on the ice for a long time. Are you sure he’s okey? Why can’t I see him he needs me. He’s scared of needles and I know his ab negative!! Do they even have the right blood? I’m ab too I can help! Is someone talking to him? When they do the needle stuff just rub between his shoulders that calms him down and if he’s scared call him zhenya. That’s his Russian baby name!! It calms him. Remus please fix him.

Remus: these are some of the best sports doctors in the world, they know what they’re doing and they’re taking good care of Evgeni. Sergei is here, and he’s explaining everything to him in Russian ok? I’ll keep you updated! But I need to know if you’re alone? I think you should not be. Please take care of yourself ok?

——

Wednesday 9.13 pm

Kris: hey remus, I’m here. Nado is really freaking out. I drove him home but Olli and walker had to help me wrestle him into the car and into his house. Timmy is making us some food and Olli and Cap are trying to keep him from pulling out his hair. Is Kuny alright?

Remus: keep an eye on his hands, one of his ticks is scratching at his palms. They’ve scanned twice and it’s not a concussion. He’s got stitches both on his eyebrow and on his neck and he’s got to be out for a few days. I still don’t understand how he skated off. Tell Sirius to use his captain voice if needed.

Kris: yeah I’ve wrapped his hand up, they froze his knuckles at the rink but he’s kept fiddling with it. Walker rolled him into a burrito blanket and he’s quieted down a bit. But he’s not okay. Do you think Kuny can come home tonight?

Remus: I have to wait and hear, they said it’s depending on his x-ray - if it’s just a sprain in his hand he can come home so we’re just waiting. I’m glad no one here but Sergei understands Russian. I don’t think it’s very nice what he’s sayin.

Kris: fuck man. It was a bad hit. We’re rewatching. He was nowhere near the puck. Crouch and Nott fucking just came at him on purpose and if they don’t get a disciplinary I’m quitting the league. Cap crushed the remote... dirty snakes

Remus: I saw. It was a bad hit. I tried to get him on a stretcher but he insisted.

Wednesday 9.20 pm

Nado: he didn’t recognize me re... after he went down. He just looked at me and didn’t recognize me and I heard his head connect. His helmet was off before Nott threw him. How is he supposed to fight back when crouch swiped his leg?

Remus: I know. But even “just” hitting your head can cause some confusion and I promise you they scanned three times and he’s not got any concussion or bleeding. He’s tough ok? He’s asking if he can go home. Not very nicely might I add. And he flirted with a nurse. He’ll be ok.

Nado: but I heard it crunch. He was bleeding a lot. Is she cute?

Remus: I know, face cuts bleed a lot but he’s got quite a few stitches and he did well. He even got a lollipop and I’m pretty sure at least one phone number. Also Tall blonde with a nice smile.

Nado: is he coming home? Leave the nurse

Remus: I’ll let you know ok? Try and sleep! You’ll need it.

Wednesday 9.25 pm

Remus: hey kris. It sounds like they’re letting him come home. Sergei is going to drive us. Did you get Nado to go to bed? Also, I can stay over night. I think they both need a babysitter

Kris: I think we’re staying. Ava is with Anya and the kids and Olli is already crashed on the couch. Walker actually had to threaten Nado to stay in bed and he’s camped up next to him now. He’s not going anywhere. Timmy and I will crash in the guest room. Can Kuny sleep alone?

Remus: he’s on a lot of painkillers and he’s not entirely coherent. Sergei offered to stay with him to translate but I honestly think his English will come back once he’s slept and recovered a bit

Kris: their beds are like extra king size anyways. We can just make a sleep over in nado’s room. He’s gone and pulled down every blind and the house is dark. I’ve never seen him this stressed out.

Remus: yeha that might be best. Sergei says Kuny is asking for his brother. So I think it’s best for everyone. We’re leaving once Kuny gets his stuff back.

Wednesday 9.55 pm

Sirius <3: is he okay love? I drove here / do you need to stay or come home?

Remus ❤️: hey! He’ll be fine, not a concussion but he still hit his head prettt bad. I think they’ve set up a sleepover and he’s in good hands. I’ll be okay to go home.

Sirius <3: it was such a dirty hit. He was down for a long time. And that Pussy ref didn’t even call a major.

Remus ❤️: coach said he’s contesting it and demanding an inquiry. But it was bad. I wanted to punch his face in. Did you see crouch after? He was laughing.

Sirius <3: I know. I’ve never seen blizzard react like that. He actually tore Nott’s Jersey with his hands.

Remus ❤️: I know, let’s get Kuny to bed and we can go home. I need cuddles.

Sirius <3: me too. Re. Me too. It hurts every time. We would not function without you. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Wednesday 10.33 pm

Siriusly: boys, Kuny is home. It’s not a concussion. He’s got a bad hit and stitches and he’s out for three days and a new scan. But he’s back home and sleeping now. I’m not sure how Walker or Nado can sleep with his snores. But he’s ok.

Prongstar: they made a sandwich?

Siriusly: I think kris called it a sleepover but yeah. I don’t think Nado would able to sleep otherwise and Kuny kept trashing until someone was on either side of him. It’s cute. I’ve got pictures.

Blizzard: open fucking season on Nott. Why the fuck did you pull me off @eliascookie? I wanted to punch his fucking disgusting face in. He deserved it!!! Kuny’s helmet was offf before they swiped his legs

DumoDad: kasey, you were right to fight him and he was over the line. But getting you suspended won’t help. We need to beat them through our game

Timmyforrealz: but it was a bullshit call?! I agree to open season on Nott and crouch. Fuck it all of those creeps. They could’ve ended his career ffs

Sunnysideup: I haven’t had a line brawl like that in years. Broke carrow’s nose. Felt good. I’m glad Kuny is ok.

Prongstar: I heard his head hit the ice. It was terrifying.

Bradygunz: how’s Nado handling this? I had to sit on him to hold him back from going after the ref.

KrisVolley: he’s asleep, I think. But it was a long evening. I know they’re not actually related but I swear they’re brothers somehow still.

Sergei_81: I want to kill crouch. He’s hurting on purpose

Sunnysideup: @sergei_81 did he actually say that or did I hear it wrong?

Sergei_81: he did. It was revenge

Siriusly: what??

Sergei_81: crouch was take off Olympic team for too much fight. Kuny got his a and this was revenge. He said so. He want Kuny out on purpose. He not like younger player get a.

Wednesday 10.55 pm

Remus: hi sergei, did you call Kuny’s parents? Did you get home okay?

Sergei: yes I call them. Tell what happneed. And I stay at house. Kuny needs me if he speak. I’m worried about Nado. He thinks his fault. He only pretend to sleep. Can u talk to him?

Remus: I’ll try. Thanks Sergei!

Wednesday 11.33 pm

Remus: hey Jackie, I know you’re not sleeping. I don’t want to call and disturb you but you can always talk to me, ok? It’s confidential as always and I’ve got your back alright. What happened today was not your fault.

Nado: I should’ve been out there with him. I could’ve helped him. Instead I was off somewhere in the other end he’s my line buddy and i failed him.

Remus: Nado you didn’t fail him. Did you see what sergei said? It was a planned hit. They wanted to take him out. It’s not your fault. Please promise me that you understand it’s not your fault.

Nado: he just looked at me. What if he doesn’t recognize me when he wakes up. Re he’s my best friend and I watched his head get smashed on the ice.

Remus: I know it’s hard. And it’s heartbreaking. But the doctor’s checked him ok? He asked for you - or well according to sergei he demanded to be sent home to his brother and cat. Alright, he knows you. Just let his head rest and recover and then you’ll be back to your antics in no time.

Nado: he’s snoring now. Guess something never changes.

Remus: get some sleep and tomorrow I’m gonna have a look at your hands ok?

Nado: thanks rem. Not sure what we’d do without you. ❤️

Remus: always, Jackie. You guys are my family as much as my actual family!

Nado: still gonna kill crouch and Nott. Not care about getting suspension.

Remus: I get it. I think you should see heather tomorrow.

Nado: can I just talk to you?

Remus: yeah, call me when you wake up ok? I don’t care how early. I’m not a professional though, Jackie.

—-

Thursday 8.22 am

Nado; he’s awake. Re. He remembers me. Thanks for fixing my best friend.

Remus: I’m glad to hear it, I’m coming over to check him ok? I’ll bring breakfast.

———-

[toastytoaster22]

Okay, @e-din​ asked for some tips for writing long fics! I am ecstatic to share my process. Please note that this is just my process, and not necessarily stuff that works for everyone. 

This post includes spoilers for events of Issho up through chapter 18, so be warned.

#1: Let the story be as long as it *needs to be* and no longer. 

Unnecessary scenes should be cut, no matter how much we want them or like them or think they would be cool. If they are not contributing to the plot or character development, allow yourself to wave them goodbye. 

If the entire scene is a set up for one small bit of information, see if you can move the information to another scene

#2: Let your characters tell the story

This is a twist to the old “show, don’t tell” rule of writing. Readers can handle some narration, but in general it’s way more fun to let your characters do the talking.

example: don’t say “it was hot”, let your character shield their eyes from the blaze of a sunbeam and moan that they hate summer

Letting your characters tell the story takes that a step further and edges towards The Unreliable Narrator (Teru is a bizarre narrator. He sees everything through children’s eyes. Things go over his head. There are things in Issho that are going on that he has no idea about, and because he is our POV character, the reader has to find out when he finds out. (or never- GASP)

#3: Depending on the type of story, your “rising action” event chart/map/graph might look different, and that is OKAY. Not every story starts slow and builds to a climax at the end. Find an event outline that matches the tone of the story.

Example: Issho has MANY peaks of different kinds spread out through the fic, as it is incredibly long and action is needed to break up the domestic scenes. On the other hand, domestic lulls for character development and discussion are CRUCIAL to move the plot along.

Break, on the other hand, starts low and builds to a peak in chapter two, and then tapers off. It’s a pyramid with the highest emotional moment right smack dab in the middle of the fic. That works for a recovery story.

#4 (But really it should be #1) GET A NOTEBOOK/JOURNAL/FOLDER for all your notes. I write all my notes by hand before anything gets to the computer.

OKEY DOKE. Now that those big ones are on the table, lets talk real tips:

A) Sometimes it feels impossible to keep track of your characters and their varying and ever changing emotional states. But it’s critically important to keep them in line so that characters don’t feel ooc and their choices don’t make sense.

In that case I suggest mapping out each character’s emotional journey through a selected time period. Especially if they are NOT the main character and we aren’t following them.

EX: THE HANAZAWA PARENTS- these jerks are real people with a full spectrum of emotions, a past Teru does NOT know about, and they keep making choices that he doesn’t understand one bit (but i do bc i made their entire personalities up)

Here we have their Motivation Sheets (Mom on the left and Dad on the right)

What I did was write out their emotional reactions to each attack Claw launched on their child, and their behaviors that Teru sees.

Mom goes through FOUR emotional stages that cover FIVE attacks.

Aloof

Affectionate

Brittle/Losing Steam

Bye

Dad was a little more complex, seeing as he is rarely home and is not reacting to the individual attacks. When he IS home, we see the stress the whole situation is causing him. Through FIVE stages of the situation, we see his reaction or influence(what he told Teru).

They suck major ass, but they feel like real humans bc i gave them a lot of agency and they are not reduced to “bad guys”. They’re bad parents, but not evil.

B) Help I don’t know WHAT information to give and WHEN and HOW? (bc lets be real that is tough to figure out!)

Unless you have a situation where an all knowing or very knowledgeable character can explain stuff, you’re on your own as a writer to figure out how to present plot information. There are a few ways to do this, and the easiest way is to have your POV character SEEK OUT THE INFO:

can they get it at a library?

online?

call their parents/friend/teacher/local wizard?

can they go to a local authority?

can they snoop around for it?

In Issho, Teru overhears many a phone call, for good and for bad. It’s my preferred way for him to hear things he shouldn’t, bc sometimes kids can’t sleep and parents have loose lips when they think their kiddos aren’t in hearing range.

If you REALLY cannot get information to your character (and also your reader) sit back and reconsider if the information is pivotal to the plot and if your character really needs it. What would happen if they didn’t know? Maybe something really fun!

If you are struggling to keep it all straight, I recommend (you’re going to hear this 300 times so get used to it) A CHART :D

This is a page I have that tells me HOW and WHEN to get information to the reader regarding Shigeo, Teru, and Ritsu in the aftermath of Mob’s explosion in chapter 5.

I’ve circled the chapter that i have decided to present the information in, and starred HOW to get the information across. 

Teru and Shigeo are on good terms, so they can talk it out

Ritsu is faking that everything is fine, so we have to garner info from his behaviors

C) OH gosh my fic covers a huge amount of time! How do I keep it all in order to remember it??? 

I’m so glad you asked, my answer is... an event map. (i’m so sorry e-din its getting late and i’m getting weird.)

THIS IS ISSHO’S ACTUAL FACTUAL ORIGINAL EVENT MAP (spoilers redacted for my lovelies <3)

I suggest a bigger piece of paper for this bc i fucking ran out of room a long time ago.

Upper right hand corner: the OVERALL message of the fic to keep in mind

Upper left hand corner: key points to hit off on

The three sections are Beginning (chapters 1-2) Middle (chapters 3- jdskgsj 18 haha), and End Arc (chapters 19-probably 22, maybe 23 shhhh) 

as you can see, things change along the way and I’ve utterly destroyed this map and any sense it should have made. that’s okay.

Now, i have MANY event maps that I use to complete arcs in my fics. Issho has like 7 different arc maps. They help me keep the correct info contained in its proper section, EX:

Teru’s Parental Stability Arc: Unreliable/Strained (1-6), Shaky/Rebuilding (7-14), Solid/Trusting (15-22)

Another way to keep things straight: another chart. omg i am so sorry but it’s seriously like all I do

That is every CLAW event, what the in story DATE is, the ELAPSED TIME between events, which CHAPTER it will occur in, and WHO attacked. 

All on one page for easy reference.

Though as you can see chapters 16-18 ended up taking more time and chapter 18 actually ended October 8th. I change things constantly. That’s why it’s all pencil.

D) Just a tip: Keep a typed outline (bullets/notes/key points/dialogue) of the ENTIRE story in one word doc or whatever you use. Then use a different word doc for EACH CHAPTER. This sounds silly and/or Duh, but seriously. When you are ready to write a chapter, just open the Whole Fic Outline and copy/paste the key info you need into the chapter doc. Now you have all your notes right where you need them, and you can erase them as you hit each point, BUT THEY ARE STILL THERE IN THE OTHER OUTLINE.

E) Get an external hard drive/usb/sd card I DON’T CARE WHAT JUST SAVE IT SOMEWHERE ELSE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT’S HOLY/SACRED/WHAT HAVE YOU.

There is nothing worse than losing months of hard work bc your computer had a hissy fit like mine did last Friday and I thought I had lost all of chapter 18 literally on the same day I planned to post it. I’ve not sobbed like that in a while. I got it back but I call that a miracle.

F) and 2nd most importantly:

talk your fic out with someone. anyone. someone who will listen and let you brainstorm and bounce ideas off of. sometimes you think something is really cool and then you say it out loud and realize its actually not. Or you have a problem you just cant solve and it turns out you just needed a fresh set of eyes.

I talk Issho out with at least three people at least once a week to make sure my future events make sense. I get a LOT of feedback. 

Reach out to other writers if you have no one irl that will do this. (psst i will do this)

I hope this was helpful! It’s way past my bedtime ddjksgjk

In case anyone cares, Issho is officially 375 word doc pages. I care. What the hell i started this fic in April.

[halpertstuna]

wildest dreams - jj maybank

A/N: this is mildly based off “wildest dreams” by taylor swift. it’s almost 3am and i don’t feel like editing this again pls forgive me.

also, i tried using she/her this time, don’t know how i feel about it but feel free to leave feedback!

and quick reminder, my requests are OPEN! so don’t hesitate to send me any if you’d like <3

-> prompt list <-

summary: all she ever wanted was to feel, and he managed to give it to her, but nothing lasts forever.

pairing: jj x reader

word count: 2,911

warnings: cursing, mentions of medical conditions , mentions of mental illness, mentions of abandonment, angsty with a bit fluff and probably ✨typos✨

-> masterlist <-

(gif credit @toesure )

—

He had been wandering aimlessly for hours, mind anywhere but here, the memories following him around.

When he falls asleep, she’s there, the recollection of her leaving overwhelming him each time he wakes up. He couldn’t seem to get her out of his mind. Pretending she’s there was better than facing the cruel reality of their paths never crossing again.

Oh, the things he would do for it to be real once more.

It’s been almost three months since the day they first met. She wore the same beige white dress that caressed her features the night they parted ways, unbeknownst to him, for the very last time.

JJ hadn’t been at his house for weeks prior to the first day of summer break, he knew he’d have to face his dad eventually, but after not being home for such a long period of time, the man was infuriated with him, throwing punches left and right. He managed escaping before it got too much.

As he walked away he thought to himself how badly he hates that house, his dad. The boy wanted so badly to run away. He decided to take a walk on the beach to cool off, unbeknown to him, his decision would change his entire summer.

He sat on the sand, staring blankly into space, when a barefoot girl in a flowy dress joined him, filling up the empty space on his right.

“Do you ever just wanna run away?” He exclaimed out of nowhere without even bothering to check who was sat beside him. She chuckled “You read my mind”, eyes joining his on the sun that was disappearing in the ocean in front of them.

At the soothing voice of a girl he did not recognise, he turned his head to be met with an unfamiliar figure, an appealing one. He made no effort in continuing the conversation since he simply didn’t feel like talking. Though he felt at ease, something about her presence was so comforting, understanding. He never wanted to leave. He could feel it, her need to escape. He somehow knew she wasn’t just saying that to make him feel better. It was as if without words they understood one another, both desperate for a way out, just from discreet things.

A silence settled on the two, nothing but the sound of foamy waves crashing and the feeling of bubbling surf brushing their toes. When the sun went completely out of sight, they let the night envelope them, welcoming the darkness that had a hint of moonlight.

After a few hours of soaking up the warm summer breeze, she decided it was time to leave. She effortlessly stood up and started walking away, when his voice halted her in her tracks.

“Wait, who are you?” He asked, as sour as he was feeling, he was intrigued and well, the curiosity killed the cat. She smiled at his meddled expression, “Wouldn’t you like to know” she replied walking away, leaving him in suspense. He watched her frame get smaller with every step she took until she was no longer in his line of vision, wondering who she was.

Eventually he booked a room in a motel, where he spent the night.

During the ensuing day, he thought of nothing but her, the lack of information driving him crazy. It was nightfall and he couldn’t shake off her compelling warmth, how desperately he wanted to be in her presence once more. He settled on going to the same spot he saw her last, in hopes she’d be there.

He ran to the beach as the moon started taking over the sky, lighting it up with the assistance of stars. And there she was, laying on the sand, hands picking up the yellowish substance with her fingers parted, letting it pour back to the ground beneath her. He watched her horizontal, tranquil form and felt placate, he felt drawn to her pacific energy, like a magnet, as he started walking towards her, laying beside her.

She opened her shut eyelids then turned her head to face him, red lips curving into a gentle smirk “I had a feeling you’d be back”. He relaxed into the sand, not knowing what to say, the girl left him speechless. As she gazed up anew, the boy couldn’t help but notice how gloomy she looked. “Why the frown?” He questioned. “Just tired of everything” hopelessness filled her voice “I kinda wanna take up on your offer from yesterday”

He nodded understandingly. “Okey then, let’s do it. Let’s run away. get out of this place, far from this shit town” She snorted miserably, for she meant running away from life itself. “No I’m serious” he got up, offering her his hand, “let’s at least get out of here, the mood’s kinda depressing”

She couldn’t help but smile at his gesture, she knew she should say no, for she could see how it would end before it even began. But there was something about him that felt so empathetic, she couldn’t ignore it.

She grabbed his outstretched arm and he helped her up. He led her along the shoreline, “Where are we going?” She giggled as he started walking faster “you’ll see”.

They kept walking until they reached a pile of big rocks. A grin took over his lips as he stared at the top. He climbed up the rocks and assisted her in doing so as well. When they reached the top, she stared in awe at the enchanting vista that laid before her of moonlight bouncing off the water as she enjoy the wind that whispered through her hair what felt like sweet nothings.

She couldn’t resist her burning urge, she smiled at him and he gave her a knowing look, raising his eyebrows. Before he could protest she let go of his hand, jumping in the water underneath them. He shook his head in amusement “How’s the water?” He chuckled as she resurfaced. She sighed in pleasure, “magical, you’re missing out” she stated as she started swimming away; it didn’t take long for him to join her in the moonlight water.

As they splashed water at one one another, the melody of their laugh echoing, a feeling the boy did not recognise washed over him, a foreign feeling, it was sharp and instant but in the best way possible.

They swam to shore laying wet on the warm sand as they gazed into each other’s eyes, breathing heavily and cackling every few seconds. “You’re shivering” he pointed out as goosebumps littered her skin. “What?” She looked at her arm “oh, it’s nothing” she said, shrugging it off. “Are you cold? Come here” he scooted closer, embracing her in his arms. At the contact of his warm body, heat rose to her face, and now it wasn’t just her blush that made her cheeks rosy. He held her for hours as they stared into the silent night, until eventually it turned into day.

They waved farewell and went their separate ways, meeting at the same spot the following few days.

One time she got there after him, claiming she had to leave early and he took the liberty of walking her to her hotel. On their way there, he noticed she, yet again, was walking barefoot, and decided to bring it up, for he was genuinely interested, “Hey, how come you never wear shoes?”

“So you’d have what to ask”

he rolled his eyes and she giggled. They walked under street lights and through the halls until they reached the the door to her room, he knew he was supposed to leave, however he could no longer suppress how badly he wanted her.

Their faces were only several inches away from one another when his lips almost brushed hers, her heart started beating faster as her mind kept screaming at her, ‘THIS WILL END BADLY!’, she tried stopping him, but she couldn’t, she wouldn’t. His lips landed on hers and at first, she didn’t kiss back. He was about to detach them in sheer embarrassment, when she grabbed the back of his neck, moving her lips in sync with his own. She escorted him into her hotel room, both their clothes discarded on the floor within seconds as he made her feel utter pleasure.

From that point on, they spent all of their time together.

At the beginning she saw what they had more as intimacy over emotion, pushing to the back of her mind the thought of loving him, but it was no use. She fell in love with his bad boy act and puppy love, which quickly turned to real love. It was everything she’d ever wanted. Both passion and tenderness. He fell in love with her spiritual state of mind, fascinated by the way she would notice and appreciate the smallest of things most people would take for granted. she would drive him wild, he fell head over heels, they both did.

No matter how hard the voice in her head begged her to stop, she wouldn’t. For he made her feel alive again, for the first time in years, she felt.

He was infatuated with her. It was only within the number of days, when she realised how unfair it was to him, how she could’ve prevented his impending pain, but nevertheless chose to be selfish.

Whenever he’d squeeze her hips or kiss her lips, all her worries would disappear into thin air, as if they were never there to begin with. However they’d come rushing back as soon as he was out of sight. All the doubts, the ache, the regret. It would all consume her.

He was her medicine, even if he didn’t know it. He had both the best and worst affect on her.

She would be his destruction, even if she denied it. She was yet to give him his both most divine but painful experience.

One that would both shatter their hearts but open their eyes.

They were each other’s great escape.

She kept telling herself she deserved to love one last time, justifying his looming loneliness, thinking it can’t end that badly.

They woke up tangled in each other’s arms, she smiled down at his drowsy figure, thinking how this was too good to be true, when it hit her, it was. Because it wouldn’t last forever. She remembered she had to leave that night, at the late hours of the darkness. She knew how hard this would be, with each hot summer day that passed by, closer to the end, she postponed the departure from him, but it was no use, she knew she’d have to do it eventually.

It was almost sundown, she took it on herself to give them both one more memory, even if he didn’t know it was a last.

He stood beside her, the hazy sky turned into a brilliant combination of scarlet and gold as hundreds of tiny lights glistened in the gloaming. As she looked over at him she held in tears that started pricking the corners of her eyes at the realisation that this would be the very last time she’d get to see his enchanting smile.

As the sun and stars took up their new positions on opposite ends of the earth, the two sat on the sand. He was situated between her legs as she tangled her hands in his golden locks, looking at his gleaming eyes which, similar his skin, were beaming in the moonlight. As her dainty fingers started roaming his freckled shoulders ever so gently, she couldn’t help but think of how much she’d miss him. She didn’t want to leave him, but she had no choice. The end was inevitable, it was only a matter of time after all.

When they were about to part ways, he said the one thing that made leaving so much harder. The three words she longed to hear, but all of the sudden wished she never did. “I love you”, was whispered in her ear, followed by a kiss on her temple. She hugged him as tight as she possibly could, eyes clouded by salty tears she desperately tried holding in, miserably failing.

When they broke the hug, he whipped her cheeks smiling softly. He was about to turn around and leave when she clung onto the hem of his shirt, signalling him to stay, he chuckled at her antics, “don’t get all emotional with me, i’ll see you tomorrow”.

She shifted all her weight to the tips of her toes and captured his lips with her own. It was longer than usual, filled with fervour. Even before detaching her lips from his she started yearning them.

“What as that for?” His smirk grew bigger as she stared up at him in adoration, “I love you too” at the sound of her voice saying those words he grinned from ear to ear, caressing her cheeks and resting his forehead against hers. He pecked her lips once more before walking away, in view of the fact he was late to his night shift.

If he only knew at the time that it would be their last goodbye.

Leaving him was the hardest thing she’d ever done. She missed the chance to confront him and so she left a sealed envelope on his doorstep. When he got home at almost dawn, he picked up the paper, examining it. He saw his named signed on the back, immediately recognising her handwriting. He went to his room and opened it, uncovering a letter.

“Dear JJ, God this sounds like a cliché already,” he chortled to himself, knowing how much she hates them, then kept reading, “I couldn’t pluck up the courage to say this to you in person, I just couldn’t say goodbye, I didn’t want to. Saying it out loud would’ve made it real, it would’ve made it our last encounter and i couldn’t let out last moment be any less extraordinary than any of our prior ones.

The reason I left is also the reason I came to the Outer Banks in the first place, I have a medical condition, one that is slowly causing my immune system to collapse, that’s why I’m cold all the time and it’s also the reason I’m always barefoot. the truth is I’m desperate to feel, my illness caused my mental health to go to shit. When I walk barefoot, I do my best to absorb the earth’s energy, I want to feel everything, knowing soon I won’t be able to feel anything.

And after years of chasing an unknown feeling, I met you. From the moment I saw you, I knew it would end this way and still, I was selfish. I couldn’t help myself. But honestly, I don’t regret a thing. For the first time in forever, someone, you, made me feel something other than my ongoing pain.

Thank you, for loving me. And for letting me love you. I’m sorry it had to end this way, I never wanted this for you. My days are limited and you have to understand that as much as I want to spend them with you, I can’t do that to you, to myself.

I will forever cherish what we had.

If you think this is a goodbye letter, you’re wrong. I know we’ll see each other again, I promise you that, even if it’s just pretend. You will always be in my wildest dreams.

I love you Maybank

forever yours, your barefoot beauty”

As he finished reading her letter, he couldn’t believe the words spilled on the page before him. He waisted no time and started running to her hotel, praying on the way it was some joke. He repeatedly knocked on what used to be her hotel room door, greeted by unfamiliar faces of new guests.

That’s when he knew, he was too late.

She was already boarding the airplane, on her way to get treatment elsewhere since the doctors of the OBX did all the could, eventually dispatching her to a different hospital.

She looked out the window as the plane started taking off, the houses below her turning minuscule. She was wrapped up in the hoodie he gave her one chilly night. Whenever she closed her eyes, she could hear his voice, she could still taste his lips. She inhaled deeply, letting the smell that dripped off his hoodie, a combination of his cologne and salt water, engulf her.

Losing her felt like actual hell.

He kept her letter in his back pocket, carrying it wherever he went and reading it every once in a while.

After a month of pain, of imagining her everywhere, of denying she ever left, his feet led him to the beach.

He sat down on the sand in their spot and for some reason it felt different. He couldn’t pinpoint what it was, but he knew something changed. The wind felt different, causing shivers to go down his spine.

As he dipped his feet in the water, staring at the folded piece of paper in his hand, he mumbled under his breath “i wish you were here”.

She plopped down beside him as he kept staring at the slowly setting sun. She placed her hand on his shoulder, stroking it gently with her thumb in compassion.

“Me too” she muttered, even though she knew he couldn’t hear nor could he feel her, no one could, not anymore.

—

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Newest installment in my “Shadowhunters: Parenthood Edition” stories. The rest can be found on AO3 HERE!!!

Happy Birthday Reesa!

Jace woke up earlier than usual. He stretched and immediately turned his head to check on Clary, as he always did when he awakened. She was still asleep, red hair fanned out on her pillow and the quietest of snores coming from her mouth. Jace grinned. She never believed him when he said she snored, but honestly, he found it adorable, so he didn’t complain that much. He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, lingering for a moment to breathe her in. He smiled and gave her one more quick, light kiss.

Jace slid quietly from the bed and went about his morning routine of shaving and dressing. As he sat to put his socks and boots on, he heard her. She was humming the lullaby Jace had played her last night before bed, as he did every night. The song his Mom had sang to him and his siblings when they were young. With a smile, Jace went into the nursery and found his daughter standing in her crib, the morning sun slowly turning the room a warm gold. Reesa’s strawberry blond curls were wild from her night’s sleep and stood out like a cloud around her head. She had a thumb in her mouth and was still humming their song, but broke into a smile when she saw Jace.

“Hi Dada!” She waved her hand excitedly as if they were seeing each other again after a long journey. Jace lifted her from the crib, kissing each cheek. She laughed and patted his face.

“How is my girl?” Jace said as he proceeded to change her sleeper. He picked out one of the bright, colorful rompers Magnus and Clary kept her closet filled with and started dressing her. She wiggled as she waited on him to finish the snaps and buttons. “Guess what Reesa?”

The little girl blinked at him in response, as he tried to tame her curls a little with the tiny hair clips Clary bought. “Today is your first birthday. It is a big day. You’ve been here with Mama and Daddy a whole year. You are one.” He surveyed his work. Dang, he was getting good at this hair thing.

“I’m one.” Reesa said, watching as he proceeded to put her shoes on. He let her fasten the Velcro tabs herself. “All done!” She held her hands out.

“Excellent work.” Jace complimented her, lifting her down off the changing table and stood her on the floor.

“Where Mama?” Reesa asked as Jace careful put her favorite old stele of his in the pocket of her romper.

“Mama is sleeping. It’s just you and me this morning.” Jace answered her. “Shall we have breakfast?” He held out his hand. She slipped a tiny soft hand into his callused, scarred one and Jace felt his heart swell again with joy over having this little girl in his life.

“Mama sleeping.” Reesa said. “Ssssh.” She twisted her face into a comical shush and pressed a finger to her lips. Jace grinned at her.

“Exactly.”

———

There were only a handful of people in the dining hall this early, as it was barely 5 o’clock. Jace liked it this way though. Mostly those present were coming in late off of patrol, bleary eyed and exhausted. But despite that, each one perked up a little at the sight of the toddler in her bright pink romper, with the butterfly clips in her hair. She always waved at everyone as she and Jace moved through to find a table to sit at.

Reesa refused a high chair on the grounds she was “nota baby”, instead kneeling in the chair next to Jace, happily eating her bacon. Jace nursed his cup of coffee and just watched her. He couldn’t believe it had been a year since she arrived. He still remembered it, he had never been so scared and happy. And now look at her. One year old.

He pushed away the ever present worry about her “Angel gifts” as the family called them. She was just one, but she functioned more like a 2yo. She was quick and smart, speaking in small sentences already. She could jump and run faster than your average child, quick with all her reflexes and motor skills too. She was also taller than average. Aside from all this and a predilection for being found constantly leaping off of the top of Jace’s baby grand and landing perfectly every time, she had yet to exhibit any other manifestations of her pure Angel blood inheritance. Jace still wondered if she would have any of Clary’s gifts. Tessa often hinted that there would be more to Reesa than she had shown them so far.

“More please.” A tiny voice cut into Jace’s thoughts. Reesa had finished her bacon and eggs and was looking expectantly at Jace. “More bacon.”

“Alright, but just two more, ok?” Jace answered her, raising up from his chair.

“Okey doke,” she said, picking her orange juice up with both hands. He chuckled.

———

Clary found them in the office after she had woken and had her own breakfast. Jace at his desk and Reesa on his lap, as usual. He was flicking through night patrol reports on his tablet and Reesa was concentrating on drawing runes on a notepad, her tiny tongue stuck out in concentration.

“Hi Mama!” Reesa cried, wiggling off of Jace’s knee to run around the desk and into Clary’s arms.

“Hi, my baby,” Clary kissed her on the cheek and then blew a raspberry against the soft skin. Reesa giggled. “Happy Birthday!”

“I’m one!” Reesa held up one finger proudly.

“Yes, you are! And we are going to have a party for you,” Clary kissed the outstretched index finger.

“A party?” Reesa crinkled her forehead in confusion.

“A party?” Jace made the same face.

Clary smiled at the resemblance. “Uncle Magnus is planning a party for your birthday. With cake!”

The one year old’s eye lit up. “CAKE!” She yelled, wiggling to be put down so she could run around her mother in a happy gallop while continuing to yell about cake.

“It will be at 5 this evening,” Clary told Jace over Reesa’s yells. “I already asked Underhill to cover your patrol so the whole family can be there.” Jace frowned a little. He hated to ask favors of the other Shadowhunters, even if he was the Co-Head of the Institute. Clary walked around the desk and sat on the arm of his chair. “It’s for Reesa’s birthday. Underhill was happy to do it. And you can cover his next patrol to make up for it, he said.”

Jace’s brow smoothed out. “Well, that does seems more fair.” Clary kissed his cheek and then leaned against him as they watched their daughter dance happily around the room.

———

“I think Magnus made the apartment bigger to fit everyone,” Alec whispered to Jace as they walked into the living room from the kitchen.

“You think? Because I don’t remember there being two bathrooms in the hallway,” Jace pointed out. “Or that hatrack. Tell me that’s not anyone we know, by the way.”

“Dang it, you’re right,” Alec agreed, ignoring the query about the hatrack and sipping from his plastic cup. He made a face. “What is this?”

“Something called punch,” Jace eyed his own pink drink warily. He didn’t like pink drinks in general . “Jocelyn insisted it is what mundanes drink at birthday parties.”

“By the Angel, why?” Alec muttered, quickly dumping the rest of the drink in the ficus behind him (that he was pretty sure hadn’t been there this morning).

“No idea,” Jace said, tossing back the last dredges in his cup and swallowing.

“You still drank it?”

Jace raised an eyebrow. “Have you ever known me to reject food or drink?”

“Fair enough,” Alec said.

Clary came over with two bottles in hand. “Here. Have some water. That punch is as gosh-awful as it was when I was kid.” The two men gratefully accepted the drinks.

A crash came from the kids’ room. The parents all turned, waiting for any cries of distress.

“Everything’s fine!”shouted Rafe. Alec raised an eyebrow.

“I think I’ll check anyway,” he shook his head and went down the now extra long hall to his sons’ room where Rafe and Max were “fighting demins”, according to Max.

Clary slid her arms around Jace’s waist and he dropped a kiss on the top of her head. They looked around the room.

Jocelyn, Kadir, and Maryse were chatting in the corner, the every present dried paint visible on the back of Jocelyn’s hand and around her nails as she made a gesture in the air. Maryse nodded to whatever was being said and politely sipped from her cup, making no face but Jace knew his mother enough to see in her eyes what she thought of “punch”. He bit his lip to keep from smiling. Kadir was very focused on Jocelyn’s story, his own hands suspiciously empty.

Luke and Simon bookended the sofa, a 4-month pregnant Isabelle with the start of a baby bump sitting between them. All three were discussing a new weapon the Iron Sisters had sent to the Institute this week. Simon was particularly excited, waving his hands about. Isabelle rubbed her bump and watched him in amusement.

Tess and Jem were sitting on the loveseat, Reesa sitting on Tessa’s lap and talking with them. She was making some of the same gestures with her hands that Jocelyn was making and Tessa nodded encouragingly at her. Mina was sitting in the floor, leaning against her father’s legs with a surprisingly content Chairman Meow on her lap, bedazzling his fur with sparks of magic from her fingers.

Magnus was busily waltzing around the dining room, flashes of magic visible as he finished placing copious amounts of purple, pink, and blue streamers and balloons around a banner that said, “Happy Birthday Baby Biscuit”. Alec had gently pointed out no one else called Reesa that but Magnus had merely kissed him firmly and said, “I make the party rules.” Alec had said nothing more and left him to his decorating.

“You know,” Jace mused. “I never had family around for birthdays until I my 11th. And that wasn’t even my birthday, as we now know. And really by the time you get your first rune, it’s downplayed. Shadowhunters don’t do parties much. Just a cake if everyone is around. But the Institute was always empty. And of course I didn’t have anyone else...before. I got a gift or a wish as you know, but it wasn’t the same as this. I like this. Except maybe the punch.”

“I do too. I like birthdays. I had my first kiss on my 16th birthday, you know,” Clary gave him a saucy grin. Jace shot her a look that made her stomach flip. He leaned down to whisper in her ear.

“You better stop, Mrs. Herondale. I’m not a well-behaved man.” Clary giggled.

“Alright you two, stop it,” Alec rolled his eyes at them, coming down the hall with his son’s following behind him like baby ducks, each carrying a fake weapon of some sort, the two boys in their miniature gear jackets that they played in. Both their cheeks were red from their “battle” but they looked pleased with themselves.

“And the crash?” Clary asked.

“Bookshelf. Magnus will have to sort it,” Alec shook his head. Rafe and Max looked properly contrite, although Clary knew them enough to know they weren’t really. She winked at them.

“Time for cake!” Magnus announced and everyone gathered in the dining room. Reesa was given the seat of honor and a rounding chorus of “Happy Birthday” was sang. She sang along, much to everyone’s amusement.

She carefully blew out her candle, and Max relit it so he could blow it out too. Reesa found this hilarious, so Max and Mina kept relighting it until everyone had blown out the candle and Magnus finally had to remove the stub from the cake before a second round of candle blowing was started.

The cake was, of course, delicious. Magnus hinted strongly that it had came from France.

“I left money in the till,” He hastened to add before anyone said anything. “But our babies have to have the best cake.”

Clary watched as Reesa picked up her plate and licked the frosting off. “I think you chose well,” she said. Jocelyn shook her head in amusement and cleaned the chocolate off of Reesa’s nose and eyebrows.

“Bapak! Present time! Present time!” Max was bouncing in excitement as Rafe carried in the gift.

Magnus placed the brightly wrapped present in front of a wide-eyes Reesa who looked at him expectantly. “Magic?” She asked.

With a smile, Magnus snapped his fingers and the paper and ribbon unfurled to reveal a tiny gear jacket of her own. Reesa squealed. “On! Now!” She demanded.

Clary complied, slipping it over her bright pink romper and zipping it up. Reesa rubbed her hands over the jacket in amazement. Jace squatted next to her chair and adjusted the collar.

“Can you say thank you to everyone?” He prompted her gently.

“Thank you Unca Alec and Unca Magnus,” she whispered, still in awe. “And Nana and Papa and Gran’ma and Kad and Unca Simon and Ant Izzy and Max and Rafe and Jem and Nonna Tessa and Mina.” The adult all smiled as the little girl listed her whole family.

Alec smiled and knelt next to Jace. “Look,” he showed the little girl the pocket for her stele, tucking it in for her.

“You’re ready to fight now, Baby Biscuit,” Magnus said.

Max and Rafe bounced around her. “Yeah, we are all ready now!”

“Me too,” Mina cried, sending golden sparks through the air as she jumped down to dance with the boys.

“Well then, how about you all go train outside,” Magnus directed, snapping his fingers to cover every surface of the spacious balcony with large soft training mats, a low balance beam, and wooden swords. Reesa gave a suspiciously high jump off her chair and landed next to Rafe. He grabbed her hand and the four children ran outside.

———

The grownups sat down to enjoy decent, less sugary food (courtesy of Simon’s sister Rebecca’s restaurant, which Magnus used as often as he could) and watch the kids through the large windows. The punch had mysteriously disappeared (Jace wasn’t going to point fingers, but he suspected his mother had instigated a punch-removal directive to Kadir), so Magnus produced “adult drinks”.

Jace stood next to the window, watching the children play. Reesa was observing Rafe, who was showing Mina how to balance on the balance beam while holding her hand. When they were done, Reesa tried too, but refused assistance. She managed to walk it as easily as if she were on the ground and even did a large jump at the end.

“She’s good.” Jem had come up beside him, his eyes on his daughter who was comparing magic colors with Max. They were shooting little sparks in the air, and Reesa was laughing as they landed on her hair and arms.

“She is,” Jace said, a mix of pride and worry in his voice.

“Having a child with a gift you can’t exactly understand, it’s not easy,” Jem admitted. Jace looked at him, realizing Jem was a former Shadowhunter, with a half shadowhunter-half warlock wife and a child with an odd mix of warlock and shadowhunter blood.

“I don’t care about her gifts so much anymore, I just want her to be happy,” Jace said quietly. “I wasn’t, as a child. I want her to be more than just her gifts.”

“I remember you,” Jem mused. “You were the quietest, most composed, well-trained, and polite 10 year old I had ever met.”

“The ship. The attack by the werewolves on that ship the night I came to live with the Lightwoods.” Jace looked surprised. “I had forgotten, that was the first time we met, wasn’t it? I used your staff. The one with WH carved on it.”

“Yes. Your gifts were very visible that day, I just didn’t see them clearly. I’m sorry you weren’t happy, though.”

“I was later. I found part of my happiness with the Lightwoods. And the rest,” Jace’s eyes searched out Clary, laughing with Tessa and her mother near the fireplace. “The rest with Clary. And now with Reesa.”

“I understand,” Jem replied. And he did. He knew the fulfillment of happiness that came with love. With Will, with Tessa, with Mina and Kit. He saw that same completion in Jace now, what had been missing all those years ago when he had been the solemn and determined child with those golden eyes and that Herondale recklessness that had reminded Jem of Will even then.

The two men watched as Mina and Reesa joined hands to run away from Max and for a moment, it seemed like Reesa’s eyes glimmered and Mina’s fingers sparked a brighter gold and they seemed to be moving faster than they should have been. He blinked and it was gone. Jace’s brow was slightly furrowed , as if he had seen something as well.

“I think...those two may be trouble together,” Jem said.

“A Herondale and a Carstairs? Definitely. I’ve heard the stories from Tessa.” Jace laughed and Jem joined him.

“Oh yes. Will and I.” Jem smiled at the memories. “Will and Tessa’s daughter Lucie, her parabatai was also a Carstairs. Their son’s was a Fairchild.”

“Herondales, Carstairs, Lightwoods, and Fairchilds. Chaos and mayhem since the beginning, is what you’re saying?” Jace queried.

“Yes,” Jem confirmed. The two men stood in silence for a moment, watching the children play.

“Mundanes have gifted children too, you know.” Jem murmured. “But I think it means they are better at things like math and reading.” Jace looked bemused at this. Reesa turned and saw him watching her. She waved. He waved back.

“I can’t wait to see what they do,” Jace said softly. Jem nodded in agreement.

“I think,” Jem paused as Reesa and Mina joined hands again, their black and golden-red heads bent together to listen to Rafe and Max. “I think they’ll change the world.”