#rlly don't know how to tag stuff so anyone actually sees it

[hugheses]

these are just some thoughts after seeing ur post on the hockey thigh thing btw, and i hope you hear me out. you being a lesbian (im bi and i have a gf currently), which is something you emphasise a lot, and not being attracted to these dudes doesnt make this whole parasocial archive any less weird or creepy. i'm not here to shit on or invalidate your passion, because obv its something you care about deeply from how much your scour the web for all these old things, even of their mother when she was young. and genuinely, thats pretty cool, i work in archival and i have a lot of respect for that with the effort you've put into it.

but i think you are encouraging others to imitate this blog and culture, when it comes to other players who aren't as in the media as the hughes family. like i agree that its part and parcel of the job as athletes who represent a multitude of things like ur franchise ur family etc, but i feel like we just shouldn't proliferate this. i know people on twitter are unjustly harsh and oftentimes critical to the point of meanness, but i think some points they share are valid. just bc its on the internet, doesnt give us the permission to do stuff ykwim? like imagine just going up to the hughes and giving them a scrapbook of every media moment from their mothers childhood, to her college, their dad, and them as kids and now as adults. thats just straight up weird. and don't even get me on the sexualisation, i get they are adults but isn't that just basic respect?

i know having an internet community is rlly important to some, and im sure ur followers would still give you that support u need even if you dont constantly supply them with these media things, or dangle ur secret archive like a carrot over them.

hoping you have a great day

you clearly put a lot of time and thought into this, so i will give you that same level of consideration back. i think you have some misunderstandings about me, hockey fandom, and fandom culture as a whole.

first, the lesbian thing. admittedly tumblr search is very broken but according to it i’ve mentioned the word lesbian twice on here, as a disclaimer for why i might not be the best person to understand what male attracted people find hot. it's possible it's come up a few other times but it’s definitely not something i "emphasize a lot". it's somewhat ironic that you bring up you being bi and having a gf in what reads to me like a deflection on your critique that i say i'm gay too much, when you seem to think me saying i'm a lesbian is bc i'm trying to deflect on sexualizing these guys. which admittedly is the most confusing part of your entire ask. is this solely about the thigh ask? if you’re worried about "basic respect", hockey fandom is probably not the place for you. i know i don't like seeing 500 reader insert posts every time i open anyone's tag, which is why i have related terms muted and block people who don't use them. however this is very much a part of hockey fandom and i’m aware of that. on the flip side, the unfortunate reality is that hockey players are some of the nastiest misogynistic men on the planet who generally do not see women as actual human beings beyond mommies, maids, and holes. if i WAS sexualizing these men 24/7 i would feel well within my rights to do so, and could make an only slightly ironic argument for it being feminist praxis. if jack hughes can ask girls to flash him, i can have a little sexualization, as a treat. 

calling me weird and creepy isn’t actually negated by following up with saying you're not trying to shit on or invalidate my passion and you respect the effort i put into it. if you think i’m weird and creepy, you’re allowed to feel that way, but actually own it if that’s what your opinion is.

you imagined this scrapbook scenario and then say that it’s weird. i agree, that hypothetical thing would be weird. good thing i’m not doing that, will never do that, and take many efforts to have a strong fourth wall and keep this blog separate from the people it's about. i am a firm believer in keeping fandom private and secluded! that's why im not tweeting all of this and tagging them. 

it’s a big leap for you to assume that i do this because i "need support". not that it matters, but i do all of this because i find it fun and i’m being generous with people who do not have the time/resources/know-how to find this stuff on their own. there's nothing wrong with finding a community online, but i had one before doing all this. in fact, all of this has been really more trouble than it's worth in terms of harassment vs kindness lmao. some people on here have been lovely to me, but i’m beyond the age where i need virtual validation from strangers. you’re right about one thing, i do dangle my secret archive like a carrot, largely for petty reasons because of a few specific assholes. 

you seem to think i’m the only person who does stuff like this. update/archival accounts are very common for musicians, actors, even like... tiktok influencers. were you not online when people hacked an airport security cam feed to watch one direction sit and do nothing? everything ive ever posted on here has been available to the public. i’m just good at finding stuff. even within this smaller sports fandom on tumblr, i have been inspired by OTHER BLOGS who were doing this before me and go way harder than i do. i didn’t invent the concept of collecting information and images about public figures like you seem to think i did, but thanks.

if you want to critique fandom culture as a whole, go right ahead, but i ask that you keep the sanctimonious lectures out of my inbox, especially when they're based in assumptions. any one of these things could have been questions i would be willing to chat about if you were actually curious about me and what i do. i in fact have lots of opinions that might surprise you on many of these things you mentioned. but i will have those conversations with other people, who talk to me with the respect and dignity that i deserve.

[rebouks]

-- anon

I'm sorry, but what kind of accent does Ivan have? He's the only sim who speaks that way and now that he's more in focus, I can't help but wonder where he comes from! Also, while I'm at it, I've also noticed that you stay loyal to the Sim world ("speaking in Tartosan" "a Tartosan goddess", etc), and while it's obvious that Tartosa was based on Italy and Spain, do you imagine your characters being from real countries and with distinct cultural backgrounds?

hmmm idk that he really has an accent as such, it's more that he speaks more loosely/common than every one else. i don't really have voice claims or any real countries to pin these pixels to cos they're sims u kno, it'd probs get messy if i started tying things to irl and not others.. so nah, other than rough stuff like vaguely japanese for mt. komo or italy for tartosa i don't pin em to real places ig you could use my northern english accent as an example tho, like my mom is pretty well spoken but still northern right? so she pronounces her t's n shit but my accent is way more common and i drop all mine to a ridiculous extent (if i was to write butter or water the way i'd say it it's practically unreadable lol.. like bu'uer? bUHer?? idk lmao) so Ivan probs speaks like me tbh.. Tommy, Rhys and a couple others speak that way too and Oscar does when he's drunk

-- @zosa95

For Bryatt!

Disagreements: How often do they argue/disagree? ehhh probs not a lot, i can't imagine Wyatt engaging in pointless arguments, he'd just walk off lmao

Sex: Who moans the most? Brynn..

Family: Who changes the diapers? mostly Brynn

Family: Who gives their children ‘the talk’? idk ig with Ellis it'd be Wyatt but it'd be like "wrap it up n' pee" so i can see Brynn adding to that 😆 all Brynn if they have a girl tho

Affection: Who gives the most kisses? Brynn!

Sleeping: Who wakes up with bed hair? Wyatt.. u know Brynn has pictures of that shit

Home: Who does the groceries? Wyatt.. gotta make sure actual food is in the house u kno

Miscellaneous: Who kills the spiders around the house? no one.. lil spider did no one any harm 🕷

Miscellaneous: What do they tease each other about? hmm idk if they tease each other all that much tbh, they're playful but not at each other's expense u kno

-- @akitasimblr

hello becca! for salton, pleeeeeeease <33

Who is on top? Sid most the time lmaooo.. let's face it, Alton be lazy n' submissive

Ever had sex in public? a couple times

Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’? in between? mostly the latter

Where is the strangest place? probs a broom cupboard or smth at uni idk lmao 😆

thanks!!!

-- anon

I know you don't do WCIF but would you mind sharing the creators you like most for male sim clothes? I struggle to clothe my guys a lot and I noticed you have a huge cast of male sims, so I was wondering. My bad if this sort of ask is unwelcomed too tho

but.......... skjdskj idk darte77 and gorillax3 are prolly good places to start or u kno.. google

-- @akitasimblr

hello becca!!! one more extra i wish to know of: well, a couple now, rickey love and patrick harvey :) a) where are they living now? b) what do they do for a living? c) any chances of seeing them again in fib (or their daughter...??)? thank youuuu!

ohhhh idk.. i think the whole point of em, as sad as it may be, is that Oscar n them lost touch n they kinda fell off the face of the earth u kno? a price Oscar paid for his choices ig never say never tho! and we'll see 'em again when i eventually get round to doing a uni flashback for Oskie so yay! 🤸‍♀️

OC Deep Dive Questionnaire Tag

A set of 20 questions to get to know your OC! ty for the tag @dandylion240 @hannahssimblr @sirianasims & anyone else i forgot <33

ROBINNNNNNN 🧡

What uncommon/common fear do they have? that Oscar will disappear off into his confusing world of horribleness Robin doesn't fully understand yet ;-;

Do they have any pet peeves? not rlly.. pretty hard to piss the guy off

What are 3 items you can find in their bedroom? headphones - cameras - letters ^^

What do they notice first in a person? their thoughts 👀🧠

On a scale of 1 to 10, how high is their pain tolerance? idk.. 4/5? i imagine he's kinda used to feeling other ppls pain as well as his own but he's still a baby ;-;

Do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure? FIGHT!

Do they come from a big family/are they a family person? yeeeeah.. he likes some quiet time now n then but he loves his family sm 🤗

What animal represents them best? fuck if i know.. a fly on the wall? lmao

What is a smell that they dislike? stinky younger sibling diapers

Have they broken any bones? not yet.. somehow

How would a stranger likely describe them? weird.. QUIET

Are they a night owl or a morning bird? night owl.. it's peaceful when everyone's asleep 💤

What is a flavor they hate and a flavor they love? cilantro/coriander - pastries

Do they have any hobbies? photography - pissing around in the sea/on his bike/in whatever he shouldn't - writing to Alex - SPYING ON PPL

Boom, surprise birthday party! How do they react to surprises? u can't surprise the lil guy.. i dare u to try

Do they like to wear jewelry? yeah ig as much as a kid does.. string stuff, friendship bracelets or w/e

Do they have neat or messy handwriting? kinda messy.. maybe it'll be neater later

What are two emotions they feel the most? intrigue & overwhelmed

Do they have a favorite fabric? he said he doesn't care

What kind of accent do they have? ✨imaginary pixel land accent✨

and ty to anyone who's sent me any love trains recently <33333 ily all sm but i got overwhelmed the more i let pile up in my inbox so i deleted everything so i could breathe again 🙈

[spacenintendogs]

How many employees does the sanctuary have aside from the gang or do they work on volunteers?

Or, is it just the gang working there?

Aka pls i wanna know more about the inner workings of the sanctuary like. Do they have a calender together or a whiteboard they all write notes on

Pls i wanna know all about their work shenanigans too

Ly rose!!! <33

besides the gang it's all volunteers until later down the line when gustav, heather, dagur, eret, & bayana get hired!!! :) everyone else is volunteer!! gustav wants to work there so bad & eventually becomes part-time but never decides to go full time!

dagur rlly steps in once the majority of the gang are away at uni a lot of the time (they try to work on weekends & def work throughout school breaks & stuff!! but it's mostly snotlout, gustav, & dagur by that point (u shall see in snotstrid fic ;)) but it's also how dagur sees gustav and is like; ah yes. younger sibling (adds to list).

OH they absolutely have a calendar. astrid & fishlegs made the calendar bc no one else could be bothered to keep track of everything.

hiccup is in charge, he hates office work tho, despite needing to make sure they have enough sponsors/donors for things like electric bill, water bill, buying all the food the dragons need, medical supplies, etc!! also paying the gang (and himself) altho i should say they don't get paid much. some of them get second jobs!!

i should mention: when hiccup is like. 15 he "runs" the sanctuary but it's actually stoick LOL

they also absolutely have a whiteboard for notes. ofc it desolves into chaos with so many different notes that half the time don't pertain to anything anyone is doing that the sanctuary. they get silly rlly quick lol. there's an on-going tic tac toe game & no one knows who's who anymore & it keeps ending as a cat's game (aka no winner). one time they spent a week playing hangman LOL.

and they all take turns doing field work (going out and trying to search for dragons to either study/tag or bring back due to injury). astrid is in charge of operations in terms of scheduling work, shipments, etc!! fishlegs is basically the Nurse (and later ruff as well!!)

they also have their specific specialities with dragon classes. (hiccup - strike class, astrid - sharp & tracker class, fishlegs - boulder, snotlout - stoker class, ruffnut & tuffnut - tidal class & mystery class (respectively, altho they just team everything together for their stuff)

eret becomes part of tidal class with ruff (esp once she starts doing more of the medical stuff!) & tracker class with astrid, dagur helps wherever tbh, i'm open to assigning him a class tho if anyone has suggestions!! heather helps take over sharp class (astrid's load rlly gets lessened bc she becomes a primary spokeperson with hiccup & travels with him for interviews & stuff to talk abt the sanctuary & dragon conservation!!). bayana helps tuff with mystery class!! gustav helps with stoker class :)

they just act like they do in rtte when they're screwing around from unnecessary comments from the peanut gallery to pranking one another (some pull pranks more than others...) & they also are not afraid to get the dragons involved (who fucking love it).

esp in the tidal class dragon area there's a HUMONGOUS water area & ppl have gotten shoved in. someone's shoe has been down at the bottom for almost three months and no one knows who's shoe it is. they all have no clue what they're doing tbh but make it work <3

ofc they also have a work group chat that quickly devolves into stupid memes snotlout & the twins spam the chat with & hiccup is constantly scolding them to STAY ON TOPIC THIS IS THE WORK GROUP CHAT. and then dagur joins in and continues to send memes. the memes eventually become how they respond to specific work stuff & hiccup gives up.

the gang like to eat lunch together outside & surrounded by dragons :) it's a rare quiet moment for all of them & they're still goofy obv but sometimes they'll just sit & eat :)

[prettyboykatsuki]

extended authors note ; how to be a dog.

WELCOME TO MY TWISTED MIND MOTHERFUCKERS.

that is a joke. i speak in jest. this fic has taken me almost a year to write. it was requested of me in july of 2022 and its currently april 2023. i want to give my highest regards ever to the most lovely and patient human being in this world miss ame. your kind words through updates kept me pushing through the very end and i hope this fic is everything you could want

ok. onto the talking about it stuff.

this fic is pretty dark all things considered. though my scale for that is kind of fucked and since this is my tumblr audience - you people are well-aware it gets bad but its... still pretty graphic. there is a lot of truly henious shit in here and its in the perspective of that guy.

tldr ; don't read if you think it will give you the heebie jeebies. u are not obligated and i am not your mother nor am i a public executioner. if this is the one fic u skip out on no hard feelings at all. i mean this.

this fic is one of Those Fics where writing it did something to my brain. i have never, ever in my entire writing career been so challenged by a single project. every single element of this fic has been run through a million things. the last time this happened was my big deku fic but that fic rlly feels like a cakewalk in comparison.

all that to say, because it has simply been seeing my eyes only for months with no input from anyone else - i have no idea how anything worked out. no beta no meds just balls to the wall insanity. i can only measure my own work so much and i have bar zero expectations for this fic just to save myself some sanity.

i ask very kindly that if it sucks u just dont tell me. and if it doesn't and u want to be nice that'd be cool too. but know that a lot of my heart and soul went into this and i hope in the very least - you are able to discern that in its makeup.

a lot of the stuff ive worked into here is related like. to plot and motif and actual development. the dog motif is a huge part of the story as is the religious imagery. i want this fic to feel like a fall from grace in a sense. it is a character study as much as its anything else. where there's always something wrong and one day everything goes to shit. i think gojo is that kind of sicko.

i also do like. love gojo so much. this fic is written with nothing but adoration for him in mind.

i dont have much to add (said after this absolutely disgusting wall of text) because my tumblr homies r very aware of what shit im up to and this fic is not a surprise to anyone.

but i hope you enjoy it if you do read and even if you don't, thanks for sticking around despite it all. i have been thru the trenches and i will need a bit of break to recuperate once its in the world for good so i hope u can be kind

i am terrible with comments and asks and tags bc it all scares me but i am so genuinely and so unfathomably grateful for all of it and i hope im finally out of my insane writing dry spell.

thanks. lots of love. sincerely yours,

fang.

[capcavan]

7, 9, and 11 for your tag game 💜

nah love i need you to answer all of them but yeha only fair i do mine to lul

What is your favourite character in the Foxes? I don't really have favourite there i think Neil will be my favourite in future right now it's Renee

And favourite in the series aside form this one? I will let you guess

Drop your beloved head-canons about both! Renee does not in fact believe in god she participated in Christianity for sense of community it gives her, Riko is deathly allergic to peanuts and wishes he was born a girl but not in the trans way. He just know his life would be better if he wasn't a man. I also feel very strongly about him having adhd/bipolar .

Fic(s) you are always happy to recommend or fic tropes you will always read. https://archiveofourown.org/works/12283962/chapters/27922614#workskin Little Boy blue , I generally can be baited into reading any fic where riko is treated with bit more nuance than flat line Disney villain. I adore extreme hurt with happy ending

Which of the books is your favourite The foxhole court i enjoyed this story much more without seeing it's full development also loved Kevin much more before he was pushed aside, my first idea of what this story would be was much different .

Opinions on AFTG audiobook release? Worth a listen juts to laugh at girls voices , but i adore Renees soft tone in it, I think it,s main reason I adore her sm actually.

If you write/draw/create aftg stuff, what is your favourite work of yours?

i adore this fan art a lot bc it,s funny light hearted has clever joke that references rikos obsession with court numbers and has fox jean and riko on it + riko kind of looks like girl here and i think it's very hot look on him

welp the numbers got fucked

Favourite event/plot point in the books Foxes reaction to seths death and seth death, it set really god tone for rest of the story and was the only event that genuinely surprised me bc i did not expected anyone from hero team to drop dead

Least favourite part of canon (can include Extra content) The fact that both foxes and ravens are groups of abused individuals but one word ,, mafia" is enough to put blame for all bat things on riko only even though he was pawn to his caretaker the way she wrote jeans abuse list it feels excessively edgy for sake of begin edgy i find nothing deep or sad about this i can also write down random list of numbers and attach to it words like rape and broken bones

If you could sent Nora an ask and get answer, what would you ask about? i wouldn't ask about anything bc her giving me answer i'm not looking for would feel bad

If you could make an idea of your choice canon to aftg, what would it be? I'd have a riko make a joke about how foxes should be in prison by now considering they are dressed the part (orange) (and most of them broke the law) id also replace neils car lighter burns with something else bc they are annoying to draw

Feel free to share some random hot takes if you like Andrew "murdering" their abusive mother is creepy as fuck and her being abuser or him only teenager with not fully developed brain is not really making this any less creepy and i enjoy his character because of this I don't mind aaron being homophobic , i'm cool with those character being murderers abusers and bigots , it's fictional characters they had not hurt anyone in real life so i don't really care about their fictional flaws and enjoy interacting with their content all the same I don't like only one of the foxes and i don't think this fox should be part of this team i don't really care about story and whatever, it's my personal bias so discussing it deeper makes no sense unless you want to unpack my past and all people who lead me to feel that way rlly

[girltimeswithscar]

HAI BEAUUU ^___^ 12, 22, and 25

🔥 choose violence ask game 🔥

12 the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them: I have no idea who is unpopular vs who is popular, i cater my dash and discord experience to myself and so I hear about my favoritest guys whenever something fun happens with them. out of everyone I hear a lot about though, I hear the least about Gem. I LOVE GEM. I genuinely think she has complete mastery over the Minecraft Video Format and frankly outshone everyone on this server pacing wise this season. She knows when to cut to grindy aspects of minecraft as breathers between high interpersonal drama and murder. She brings the best out of everyone in the funniest way possible, like she charmed Pearl into a red name alliance, she roasted Mumbo's tower and made him dig his pg13 hole deeper and deeper, you know how she is with etho. I HAVE A LOT MORE TO SAY ACTUALLY. but im a gem stan forever. 22 your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores:

I HAVE A HARD TIME ANSWERING THIS BC I DONT RLLY BELIEVE IN CANON WRT THE LIFE SERIES. I think something that might get overshadowed by people either putting Cleo into the Doting Mom Friend or Annoyed Girl With Braincell categories is that she really really really cares about her teammates and refuses to betray them until they've betrayed them first. I think you see this especially with their text on screen! Saying one thing out loud but clarifying it after the fact to give it new meaning... It's super characterful and is very much like a ["blah blah blah," he lied.] type thing. SHOUT OUT TO CLEOS INTERNAL MONOLOGUE !

25 common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing: I am sick of hearing about avoiding negativity LOL. I love complaining and I love blocking topics, characters, aus, tropes, tags, and people on my personal blog on tumblr dot com. people are allowed to say they think things are boring. they are allowed to say they think YOU are boring for liking those things. I get that this is a fandom that skews younger and I also went through a phase of taking it extremely personally when someone called the thing i like Cringe (or even worse, actually critiqued it and shredded it to smithereens), but like, please let me be a grumpy old man with my fellow grumpy old man mutuals. I am making the stuff that I want to see! I also need to talk myself into making stuff for myself and not for An Audience. Sometimes I like to post opinions to see if anyone agrees, or has a cooler idea, or see if there's secretly an entire aspect of fandom I just don't see because it's covered by the popular stuff I do not like. i dont really have a thesis but haterisms and wishing out loud for a fandom culture that doesnt exist yet is awesome and you dont need to be friends or agree with everyone in your fandom :thumbsup:

[boobookiss]

If any of y'all wanna know whats going on on tiktok rn apparently there was a (now deleted) filter yesterday of marks nudes–PHOTOSHOPPED nudes–as in someone made fake markiplier nudes and made them a filter. And I saw so many posts of people like literally devestated for mark and feeling so bad someone would do that, probably not knowing they weren't real, and I am just like...

Being clear, it's extremely fucked up for anyone to make something like that period, no matter when they make it or how many times its happened. It's gross and it's a fucked up thing to do. But like...This has happened literally so many times djfkd. The first time I went on pillowfort and went into the mark tag it was literally FILLED with "gay fakes" for mark and his friends. This is not a new thing and isn't even really a rare thing. I think it unforrunately happens to him a lot specifically bc he's like a meme as a hot internet guy in a way, which again sucks and is rlly gross

I honestly don't feel like the man has any nudes to be leaked at this point. Like he has the tasteful stuff he posts on onlyfans and the calender but otherwise... after so many "close calls" like this for like 10 years I just highly doubt it would ever actually happen

Idk I just found it kinda funny that people were so insanley distraught by it when I could go on google and see 10x more horrible shit immediately now. The man is FAMOUS FAMOUS the weirdos do not fucking rest

[littlepunksnail]

I was thinking about if one of those deadly virus/99.9% mortality rate apocalyptic type thangs went down and there was no electricity or internet or anything and the survivors started recreating iconic memes via sketching and painting and shite for their kids who'd never known a world with the internet, and generations later, there are huge ancient books filled with the most intricately illustrated memes on fading pages, and elaborate footnotes explaining who the people in the reaction images were and the famous television shows of the time, and there would be books of parables and wisdom but it's just vaguely existential largely contextless shitposts, and because people would be living in smaller self sufficient settlements, ancient global politics would be more of a quirky interest rather than essential teaching, so history lessons would just be a mish mash of some presidents and wars and global warming but also celebrities and the rise of social media and online shopping and how the post worked, and grandparents would be telling the kids storytales by the fire but it's really just like a rough version of Riverdale they heard from their grandparents... man what a world

[suncakie]

[Writing Essays is fun]

w/ Tendou Satori x fem!reader (ft. Shiratorizawa Vball club)

@randomarmy19: I was wondering if you could write for Satori Tendou in high school, where you have an unrequited crush on him. He doesn’t want to acknowledge your feelings cause he feels like “the feelings will fade, cause how can anyone stick around him” kind of thing. So he’s insecure despite you constantly confessing to him, but then you keep reassuring him and he finally sees his self worth and stuff?! Basically tooth rotting fluff/comfort/slight angst I guess…

Warnings. VERY SHORT(around 800 words), Fluff, Crack, angst if u squint, comfort??, not proofread.

Notes. Ngl- i rlly wanted to rewrite this to a headcanon instead a fic- but school said no, so here's the draft of the fic that i completed 2 days ago- AND IM VERY SORY IF U DONT LIKE IT- ISTG FEEL FREE TO SHARE FEEDBACKS LOL

Writing essays is fun if your writing about the one you love. You caught feelings for Tendou during your second year together, and bc of that, you will never forget the hectic things you did to convince Tendou to date you.

You had caught Tendou's eye when the two of you were partnered up during Arts class ,with your bubbly and respectful personality who wouldn't? Though what really Tendou first noticed about you was how excited you were when you introduced yourself to him.

The pure enjoyment you showed while talking to the boy behind the canvas was intoxicating at first, because the redhead thought you were trying to be friends with him so that you could manipulate him or to leave him after you got bored with him.

Though it turns out, you were a talented artist, Tendou never asked the question out loud but you answered anyways, saying something about you being excited to actually draw him up close and his unusual style of hair.

"You know? i am grateful to be partnered up with you! I hope you don't mind if i ask you your number? Or email at least?" You grinned up at him, your own phone in your hand.

"Hm? Asking me out already? Sorry, Im not interested" Tendou chuckled but took your phone and typed both his email and number on your contacts anyways. You on the other hand, had your cheeks fairly dusted up with a soft pink tint but your smirk says otherwise "what a bummer, I guess ill play lazer tag with someone else" 

Tendou panicked when you snatched your phone from his hand and clung himself onto you like a koala, while repeating the phrase  "you know you love me, let me join with you!

It was in your second year when you realized you had caught feelings for your bestfriend, you had thrown hints here and there and your not sure if the redhead notices heck you even went to Ushijima for advice to only get a response like " just tell him"

And you know what you did? You told him when the two of you were alone- who am i kidding, you told him during the match between seijoh and shiratorizawa, midway through the game when Tendou was switched in from his senpai you had shouted the words Tendou wanted to hear since he met you.

"I like you Tendou Satori<3" which made all his teammates look at you then at he redhead, as Ujishima had a faint grin on this face, Tendou himself smiled and raised both of his arms to his head making a heart while screaming an "I like you more!"

When the game ended you didn't know what are you smiling about, the fact that your school will go to nationals again, or the fact the feeling you held were neutral, but at the end of the day you had the thought that the two of you were now a couple.

Which was stupidly false "what? Why?" Tendou shifted his eyes anyware but to yours as he spoke "you deserve someone more than me yeah? So how about we go  to an arcade after practice hm?" Your eyes held a shimmer of hope "as a date?" Successfully sitting you on the bench Tendou laughed "what? No! As a friendship restoration hangout!"

And so, after the 'friendship restoration hangout' you had somehow dedicated yourself to covince the redhead that he is perfect for you- by of course leaving love letters in his shoe locker, your name proudly written in the envelope with an 5000 word essay about why he is perfect for you.

Istg, your timidness said 'bye-bye' and made room for your newly filled confidence.

Whenever Shiratorizawa had a match nor a practice match, you would scream all your love and support for both the team and the redhead while your friends tries to drag you out of the gym out of embarrassment.

"GO SHIRATORIZAWA! AND GO MY LOVELY SATORI<3" 

"Istg Y/n shut up"

During class you would pass out notes to the boy and whenever the teacher caught you, you would explain to them that Its for your french class and they would let it go easily, just don't get caught frequently.

"L/n-san care to explain what are you doing with Tendou-kun?" 

"Its notes for French class, we have a quiz today" 

And finally after the two hectic years of you practically convincing Tendou that he's the perfect boyfriend and reasons why he shouldn't be scared to date someone for the first time, around his third year you saw him waiting by his shoe locker waiting for you to send out your 5000 word essay on why he is worth your love.

"Tendou-chan! Hey! Your early"

"Y/n-chan pls go out with me"

"I- wah-"

"Pls go out with me"

"*sobbing* OF COURSE BBY"

Ig 2 years of compliments and reassurance and of course, loyalty really does the trick

[spiritunwilling]

hiiiii yen you have intrigued me, what is up with the divorce blorbo inlaws? whats happening and could they perhaps mail their marriage licenses to these- these three guys i know. who i hear want to get married soon. if they dont want them anymore i mean

okay so the day that feyre archeron gets a divorce in canon is the day pigs fly and stuff but i want her to get one so bad

feyre is from the book series a c /ourt of thorns and roses and i do not recommend and probably discourage anyone from reading the books because they are bad and have a lot of weird sex scenes and very questionable choices made by the author and while i really like some of the character concepts, sjm has dropped the ball on execution every time and nobody who gets more than a few sparse paragraphs of writing stays likeable. but at some point a few years ago you figure that ok ive read enough of these books by now and i like some of the minor characters enough that i might as well hate-read the other ones. and also bc i want custody of some of her characters so i can rewrite them. i have a different version of feyre in my head that diverges from canon right at the beginning of the series (usually i j call her feyer lmao) and in this ideal world she never gets fucking married in the first place

but the version of feyre that i am divorceposting abt is her and all the shit that's happened to her as of the latest and worst book, a/cosf. and well a lot has happened.

she got married (and got mated to, ick. im still 90% sure it's just plagiarised omegaverse but anyways it's like. soulmates. i guess. sjm herself can't seem to decide what it is if not a reason to force characters into relationships and have sex) to this guy named r/hysand, who has such a terrifying long list of red flags and Bad Shit He's Done that i cant sit here and list all of them because that would take too long and i'd probably miss quite a few but both the series and the character have very active crit tags. a lot of it is played off or ignored or excused away by the actual book bc in the series theyre supposed to be , like, a perfect couple. :|

and yeah the series only spans like. 3 or so years and feyre is 19 at the beginning of the series and 22 and full of trauma and she fucking died once and there was a whole war and the author decides that the best ending 4 her is to have her stay home and. have a fucking kid?? babygirl go get therapy go reconcile with your sisters go travel the world literally anything but this. also the pregnancy subplot is so incredibly fucked up. ummm basically r/hys gets overprotective to a disturbing and v controlling level and also when he realizes the pregnancy threaten's feyre's life he withholds this information from her so I need her to GET THE FUCK OUTTA THERE RIGHT NOW

in my head it's maybe a year or two or three after the ending of acosf and feyre realizes how bullshit everything is and starts trying to figure out how to leave the night court (the faerie court that r/hysand rules over) with her kid and reaching out to her estranged sisters and old friends (also estranged. jesus) and getting her picture of my dress moment figuring out where she goes from there. sigh.

i don't think the night court has marriage licenses. or divorces? but in spirit it's a divorce.

and like. i like feyre. well, no I dont. [see: "nobody who gets more than a few sparse paragraphs of writing stays likeable"] but there's like these tiny moments in the first book that hint at some rlly compelling character traits that are unfortunately completely drowned out by the rest of the shitty romance. she keeps her oath to take care of her family even when it's easier to break it, even at the cost of her own life and her own happiness and she has a strained relationship with her sisters and feels like she's responsible for everything and has a complicated understanding with gender roles and her hunting and her capability for violence.

but canon doesn't touch on that.

[catboyshinsou]

sick headcanons!

anon request: i love your writing smmm !! 🥺 can i request mha sick hcs where they take care of the reader when they don’t feel well 🥺 you choose who !! <3333

a/n: sorry it took so long <//3

pairings: Kaminari, Kirishima, Tokoyami and Monoma x sick,g/n!reader

warnings: none rlly, mention of throwing up in monoma, slight manga spoilers

can be seen platonically and romantically <3

kaminari:

Tbh i think he’d be quite Useless

Just rlly panicky n stuff bc what the fuck does one do with a sick person???

*walks into your dorm* “hey y-n wanna- WHAT THE FUCK YOU LOOK TERRIBLE”

*you in a blanket and not having enough energy to be offended* “i think i’m dying” “y/n WHAT”

He’d try his best regardless tho

He goes to sato and helps with doing something soothing and welcoming

On his way back to your dorm he passes aizawa and tells him you’re sick in THE worst way

“Oh yeah Aizawa-sensei, y/n is dying-” “THEY’RE WHAT”

Kami would definitely storm into the room with him and be just as worried

What if it was something really serious??? Like the plague?????

They find you just laying in bed, sniffling and groaning

Turns out it wasn’t the plague and just a bad flu

Flu with its whole jazz, you had a fever of 38C and you could barely move

Aizawa got you excused from classes for about a week and left again

Kami just stood there with his soup and went “oh thank god you're not dying”

like i said i think he'd be useless but try his best

he checks up on you every half hour either in person or via text during classes

he brings you stuff like blankets and foods even though you can't taste any of them or have any type of appetite

but! thanks to the fridge in your room you just had snacks for about… forever

he gave you extra attention too

sometimes he'd just sit on the ground and talk about his day and theories while you just laid under your blanket

you appreciated it though

except for aizawa, sato and tsuyu nobody came over and even they just came in every few hours

kami stayed for hours on end and even tried to convince aizawa to let him sleep over so he could “watch over you” incase you “stopped breathing”

it's not like you slept much when he was around anyway, nights were not ideal for a good rest on a sick day

it was endearing seeing him lay on a futon on the floor and poking you when he had to get up for class

he leaves notes and stuff to make sure you didn't get worried

did he do anything to make you feel better physically? not rlly

did he lift your spirits and make you feel less lonely? most definitely

kirishima:

hear me out

this boy is an angel when it comes to caring for people

when he got into the whole essentially self care stuff he also knows what's best for others

he was probably one of the first to notice you being ~off your game~

whether in class or just yknow vibing, he'd tap your shoulder and softly “you okay man?”

he calls everyone dude and man and bro no matter gender or anything he's just that into the manliness stuff

and yes he puts you in essentially self isolation more for yourself than for others

“your body needs to rest y/n! can't properly get better if everyone keeps bothering you!”

he calls you every night tho and he has aizawa bring you stuff when he checks up on you (he's allowed because he's the teacher ofc also as long you're a UA student like one of your legal guardians which is like a dad and dads can see their kids sick right?)

stuff ranges from just bowls of soup to compresses to the handmade ointment against a sore throat to like socks he knitted or something his parents sent in bc he told them you were sick

yes this boy tells his parents you're sick

i mean someone probably told yours but like twice the parents means twice the comfort!

alternatively if your parents are *cough* he'd tell his parents and put you on the phone with them because everyone needs some parental love from time to time (don't act tough about it, he's gonna make you cry and tell you how manly you are for doing so)

when you're back on your feet he probably still treats you like you're about to fall over for like two or three days more

he praises you for how well you did during your essential quarantine and when you say you didn't do anything he says some cheesy stuff about manliness

“bro i'm so proud of you for getting through it!” “i didn't do anything kiri-” “don't say that! it takes so much energy and manliness to keep in self isolation and get better, you did amazing”

tokoyami:

i love birds

also look at baby toko he's so cute

do birds get sick?

anyways

tokoyami is like.. helpful but tries to be undercover about it

he's not gonna ignore you or anything

he's the type to like silently nudge teachers into your area so they could see you were clearly sick and send you back to the dorms to rest

but he'd never actually ask you or tell anyone

it would ruin his whole ~vibe~

dark shadow tells him to tell someone and he rlly does especially if he sees you struggling through it in class but he's also just not great at talking with people so a nudge or “secret note” will have to do

it does work, you're in your dorm right before combat training because mic had sent you up and excused you

mic is sweet he said he'd send aizawa up when he finds him but that you should rest

he also tells you that you have some really attentive friends

you're at this point just letting the sickness take over you so you have no idea what he just said (you heard him but the words just didn't register in your brain)

you get into bed and the first thing you do is sleep through afternoon classes

tokoyami is only at 50% today and so is dark shadow

tokoyami swears he isn't worried, the teachers are capable of taking care of you in an appropriate manner so that you will recover in no time

dark shadow on the other hand is all gittery and doesn't wanna focus on anything but you

off topic but i just think dark shadow is tokoyamis way of showing emotions or well like… like his internal thoughts? not like his internal dialogue but ya know his feelings

so he can act all goth and dramatic but dark shadow is a good way of still giving some of his feelings an output

back to you

so training is over and so is your nap

but you wake up to pillows, stuffed animals, blankets and more pillows surrounding you

half of them weren't yours either

they laid around you like some kind of pillow fortress jusy surrounding you and making sure you didn't hit your head on the wall or fall from the bed

it kinda felt like a nest- oh

you tried getting up, your head almost immediately flinging uoh back into bed but you needed to see if a certain someone would come back in to build the nest

“dark shadow, be quiet we don't want them to w- oh you're up”

tokoyami came in with more stuffies and an extra blanket like it was a siberian winter and your rooms only source of warmth was an almost dying candle

“are those yours?” you asked half asleep, your head absolutely booming

you could barely keep your eyes open, that's how exhausted you were but you made an effort to smile at the bird and his shadow

“uh no, yaomomo-san insisted on making some blankets for you and hagakure-san, ashido-san and uraraka-san gave me all their stuffed animals when they heard i was paying you a visit-” “but the blue star blanket and teardrop pillow are from fumi!! he brought them from home because he can't sleep without them!!” “DARK SHADOW!”

you only chuckled before breaking out in a cough again

aizawa came in some time after and had a hard time finding you under all the blankets and stuffies and even offered to tell the class to stop bothering you

but you just laid there all cozy and told him to let them be

“it's how he shows affection, it's nice”

monoma:

oh so the 1A student got sick??? huh??? I thought 1A was invincible hUUUUUUH??? *manic laughter*

coughs

anyways

so basically the two hero courses are more “in tune” after the joint training

they often have dinners together and it isn't rare to see kendo come over with monoma and tetsu^4

she came over to hang with the girls and tetsu had training sessions with kiri

nobody rlly knew why monoma tagged along though

all he did was spout about how average everything is for the “superior hero course”

he did secretly like the classes growing together more though

he'd sit on the couch with you and occasionally laugh about something else other than his team beating yours during joint training

one day he came in and didn't see you at your usual spot

“ehhhh??? where's the only tolerable person in this course??”

used to his lowkey insults deku pointed you out at the dinner table, head resting on your hand and looking over some homework

“y/n what are you- oh my god you look horrible”

“thanks monoma, you're as nice as ever”

your face was drained of any colour, eyes heavy lidded and you could barely control the pen that scribbled over the paper

he tried grabbing your wrist but pulled back immediately

you were way too hot and the fact that he noticed by grabbing your wrist meant that it was more than just a high fever

“is 1A that incompetent that they couldnt even notice their classmate falling sick??? can you guys do anything but trouble???”

“shut up monoma, we tried getting them to bed but they insisted on finishing up first and there's nothing in the world that can get y/n away from what they've put their head to”, kaminari yelled from the living room space

how were you gonna get anything finished if your head was falling off your shoulders if you didn't hold it up

class 1A really was incompetent

“sato-san, give me a hand”

sato, who was currently cooking up dinner, just held out his hand and some type of chocolate bar which monoma grabbed and ate up

“this is incredibly sweet, i don't know how you do it”

it's become like half a routine for monoma to copy quirks for whatever reason

kiri and tetsu used it to determine which quirk was handier

uraraka’s quirk made cleaning up after a game night easier

it was training for all of them

monoma could train his copy and the others could measure how much they've grown from his reaction to it

anyways

sato’s quirk kicked in and he lifted you up over his shoulder

“monoma!” you could barely lift your voice, faintly kicking

before you knew it he placed you on your bed in your dorm and sighed

“you're lighter than i thought”

“i think i'm gonna throw up”

so you hurled into your garbage can

monoma held back whatever there was to hold back

(he was very much disgusted but even he knew that this wasn't the time to let any type of negative emotion show)

“jolly gees y/n, what did you have for breakfast?!”

you laid in bed as he passed you a water bottle

“you need to drink something, you lost a lot of water”

“awe caring for me, monoma?”

“this is for general health, y/n. i would never as much as care for anyone, especially not a brat from 1A. who even knew that any of you could fall sick huh?! weren't you supposed to be superior to the rest of us??!”

he said all of that while putting a blanket on you and opening the window for fresh air

“god you 1A fools really are incompetent!”

he went into your bathroom and soaked a small towel in water

“i'm only doing this so you don't infect anyone. god you could cause an epidemic at UA and in the end 1b would fall victim to you as well! this is all just for the general well-being!”

you didn't even hear what he was saying anymore

with a half empty bottle next to your head, you slept peacefully

monoma let out a deep breath when he saw you

“i'd never care for anyone in 1A, i'm better than that…”

he whispered those words to himself

(he did care)

[kitausuret]

You know I've literally never read any marvel comics so I kinda don't remember why I started following you but I have no regrets about it. I probably started following you for something to do with the venom movies bc I'm obsessed with those but I can't remember what it was?? And i haven't seen anything about them since then so idk

But anyway like even tho I've never read a single marvel comic I love reading your little comments about events I know nothing about lmao. Especially when you talk about Flash, Eddie and the symbiote like those tags about the first time Flash sees Eddie smile were so cute it made me rlly happy. And it's so funny bc I only know the movie versions of Eddie and V who I'm guessing are pretty different in the comics, and I'm still just sorta piecing together who Flash actually is as I read more posts on here but you've managed to make me ship something with characters I barely know from media I've never even touched before lmao

Hi anon! This is super sweet of you to say and I'm glad you've stuck around even if you don't always know what's going on. 😅

Believe it or not I do actually really super love the Venom movies as well, I just tend to hyperfixate on the comics because they are the most intriguing/aggravating to me. Back around late 2018 and such I actually reblogged quite a bit of stuff about the Sony ot4 (Dan/Anne/Venom/Eddie, AKA D.A.V.E.) and I still extremely love them. Nearly every Sonyverse fic I've written at least alludes to them.

In fact... I wrote a couple crossovers between 616 and Sony: - We See Through a Glass, Darkly (where 616!Eddie goes to the Sony Universe, and meets the other 2 of the ot4 and his counterpart) - Like Two Passing Ships (the sequel, where Sony!Eddie (and Venom!) travel to Earth-616, they also meet 616!Flash (: )

And for a holiday exchange I received this incredible piece! By @x-jean here on Tumblr, link is to the Ao3 version.

So yeah, I really adore both of these universes for Venom stuff! And by Venom stuff I mean shipping the combined entity of Venom with at least one other person.

And yes, Eddie and the Venom Symbiote are really different between Sony and the mainline comics universe (Earth-616) but that's kind of what makes it fun for me! At first I hated how different they were but Sony!Eddie eventually grew on me. And of course, I love the ot4.

616!Venom is a different beast entirely because the symbiote does have so many different connections with so many more people. That, of course, is what inspired the symbiot3 for me (Eddie/Venom Symbiote/Flash). Flash Thompson, however, originated as a Spider-Man supporting cast member looooong before Venom was even a thought in anyone's mind, so that also influences a lot of my headcanons and indeed my fics. It's with that knowledge and history in mind that I weave together any interactions he has with Eddie and the symbiote.

If you ever want to know more about Flash, or really even any Venom comics, always feel free to reach out to me via private message or the like! But this was so sweet to see and I'm glad you like my content, Anon. And yes, I fill those tags like they're going out of style.

And on that note, if anyone DOES have any questions or ideas or stuff they want to yell about movie!Venom with me I love to talk about that too.

[shyrose57]

Rlly love how nice u are abt this all!!! Also ur questions rlly got the cogs in my brain turnin for this au, so ty for that! :3 -🐻

To answer some of the serious questions:

Em primarily stays in his human form. Since he didn't like shifting out of his piglin form as a child he knows that no one knows yet that Michael is a hybrid, and so it's easier to hide his identity this way.

The only item of interest that he has on him is a book which he says is his journal/diary whenever anyone asks. It's labelled "DO NOT READ" in ender (bc like father like son), but he never lets anyone get a close enough look at the book for them to figure that out.

He never really tells anyone how old he is, but then again no one really asks, it's pretty obvious he's a teenager so everyone assumes he's in the same age range as the other minors, maybe a little younger.

No one's really suspicious about his sudden appearance, more curious if anything. Most don't really make a connection between his appearance and Dream's imprisonment, but why would they? Sure, it's a little odd some teenager appears after the server admin's imprisonment, but that's easily chalked up to coincidence. That being said, there are people suspicious for other reasons. Two of which are Quackity and Karl. Karl's only met Em a few times, but there's something familiar about him. But that can't be right, because he's never encountered Em before in the other times he's seen. He knows there's something up with Em, but with his memory deteriorating it's hard to put the pieces together. Quackity is suspicious because he thinks there's something off about Em. Call him crazy, but the way Em interacts with him is just so different compared to how he interacts with everyone else. He's colder with Quackity, and he doesn't understand why.

Em is pretty awkward when interacting with everyone on the server. Originally, he didn't want to interact with anyone much outside of small pleasantries, but it gets hard to do that when everyone is so pleasant and social with you. Besides, some of these people aren't around anymore in his time, so it's hard not to spend time with them.

Em steered clear of his parents in the start (which was actually pretty easy since they were busy doing their own thing and they hadn't actually married yet), but after they brought Michael to the Overworld they went to Em for advice on piglin stuff because "Hey! Em's a piglin hybrid, maybe there's stuff about piglins that he knows that could help us!" and while Em's hesitant at first, the fact that they care so much makes him really emotional so he agrees.

Em knows about Karl's timetraveling, because how else would he have found out about time traveling? He was never particularly close to Karl in his time, with how far his memory had deteriorated by then, but seeing Karl from this time with his memory being so much better still sorta hurts.

I still haven't figured out what exactly happened for Em to jump back, but I have figured out that before everything goes to shit, the Snowchester and Las Nevadas conflict escalates to the point that one day Tubbo and Ranboo just. Never come home. After that Tommy becomes Em's guardian, and while he never actually learns what happened to them, it's pretty easy to put the pieces together.

As for some of the less serious questions:

Whenever someone asks if Em is short for, he always gives different and increasingly ridiculous answers. (I'd give an example but I'm not clever enough for that)

Em occasionally babysits Michael (which is sorta weird at first and the weirdness never really goes away, but he gets used to it) and Michael just thinks he's really cool. Not as cool as Uncle Tommy, but still super cool.

Em is a hundred percent on for pranks and stuff, and once he gets comfortable in the time period, he starts doing quite a few.

He can definitely speak Piglin! While it's not as good as it could be, it's definitely pretty good. Especially since he had Tommy to help him from getting rusty (i am a firm believer of the "Tommy can speak piglin bc he was raised alongside Tehcno" hc). He can't speak Enderian, but he understands it. He also knows how to read and write in it.

He's not the best at fighting, but he can certainly hold his own in a fight. He tends to try and outsmart his way out of fights, though.

Happy to help!

Mkay, mkay. What's his human form look like? Scars, hair length/style? We got any braids in there? When does Michael originally shift-which is an option to expose Em, if somebody noticed the resemblance.

What are the adventures of this 'DO NOT READ' book, considering how much trouble Ranboo's own get into with such a title.

Does Karl have some sort of sense because of his time travel that makes Em odd to him? Or has he perhaps met him? Or will meet him? Or did some Doomed version of him? I'm not actually sure about that last one, do Karl's doomed/lost selves have any effect on him even? And Em's cold towards Quackity? Two out of three fiances find 'em suspicious huh? What did-or, what will Quackity do to warrant such behavior? Is there anyone else Em's a bit cold toward, or otherwise?

Pleasant and social? Why's that? Who exactly talks to him then? I imagine quite a few are less than, well. Pleasant and social, as you put it, considering recent events, so who exactly does he end up interacting with if he gets a warm welcome?

Oh? Do we get bonding then? If so, how so? What sort of advice does he give them?

Did Em learn about time travel from afar-like, see Karl do it and stick around to learn more, or was it like a whole distant/dying mentor thing in a short amount of time? Does he do anything to help Karl? Since Em learned about time travel from Karl in some way, is his memory similarly effected, or does he know some way to fight the effects of that? Has he had any experiences with the Inbetween and Other Side?

Oh no, that's really not good. Poor Em. So the conflict took his parents, huh? How does this effect things for him, once in the past-considering he's face to face with his parents' apparent killer? And since this would be soon after Dream's imprisonment, that means it's a bit before Las Nevadas is formed, right? How does Em feel about Foolish-considering he's part of Snowchester at the time? How does he feel about Snowchester's current residents What's his life like once his parents are gone?

-------

Emergency, Empirical, Empire, Chemistry, Emerald, Emma, Emergence, Semi, Email. Those are a few that could work.

How does babysitting go? Is Michael a good child, or is Em silently apologizing to his parents for being a gremlin when he was younger?

Who's the first to fall to his mischief? Is he ever discovered as the culprit, or does he get away with it?

Does Techno or Tommy ever decide to try and drag him into a talk, since he can? How does that go? Do the Bee Duo try and get him to translate for Michael? Since Em understands Ender, does he ever have any encounters with Enderboo? If so, how do those go?

Any favored weapons of his? Long range, mid-range, or short?

Also, is there anything you'd like me to tag this as so you can find it easier? 

[lesbian-ed]

🌸Hi, a few years ago when I was 16 (19 now)I was forced out to my friends by this homophobic girl, and I came out as bi (still in the closet to my family), I'm no longer friends with any of them, but I can't figure out what label I should have, I really want to just know who I am. I said to them I was bi, but I've never felt right with that label. I read about comp het and it makes so much sense to me, but I still don't know. 1/5

🌸I feel, like, attracted to male celebs, but only when they’re in films or tv, and watching interviews of them ruins it?, and whenever I’m around guys I get these thoughts I can’t control about kissing them and sleeping with them and I feel rlly self conscious, I said this to a friend who said it’s a crush, but I get it with people I don’t like at all 2/?

🌸 And sometimes I have a phase where I feel like I could date a guy and marry him and have kids and be happy but it feels like I’m imagining a perfect version of me that actually im not like at all? And as well I can only imagine myself with a young guy, once I think about a 30 yr old or older I don’t want it anymore, but the perfect fantasy seems so appealing idk 3/?

🌸I feel different about girls but I don’t know I’m catholic and I feel like it’s always been other people are gay and that’s ok but not me? And I don’t know whether I feel no attraction to girls or I’m pushing it down bc when I see girls kiss on tv I literally have started crying and I saw a lesbian couple in public once and I got butterflies and also Ive found myself changing pronouns in songs in my head without realising but I’ve never had close to a crush on anyone especially not a girl 4/5

🌸Ive never even met a gay girl except for one pan girl at school but she was really weird and rude so I don’t know what it’s supposed to be like to like someone? writing this all down it makes it sound like I’m definitely a lesbian but that scares me so much bc ill never have a normal life and I can’t shake this feeling that actually I do want to be with a guy but I’m trying to be interesting or I’m faking this or something. Pls tell me your thoughts on this 5/5

Oh, anon. This literally all feels as if my younger self came into my ask box just now to ask for advice. 

I understand your pain, I really do, I went through so many of the same thought processes you’re describing now. It’s good that you’re aware of compulsory heterosexuality, since I believe that will make sorting your feelings easier. Still, I recommend you look through our tag (if you haven’t already) to read more thoughts on this. It’ll help. 

I obviously can’t tell you what your sexuality is for you, that’s your own journey to make, but this sounds so much like my own experience that I’m pretty sure what the answer is already.

Anon, let me tell you a story, I went to a catholic school and while my parents are pretty liberal and not that religious (in fact, my dad’s an atheist) I was also raised with the idea that ok, there were gay people out there, and I didn’t care what other people did with their lives! But honestly that was kind of weird and I couldn’t be like them, because they weren’t normal, like I should be. I was bullied a lot as a kid, because I was weird and ugly and way too shy and easy to pick on, so I grew up with this idea that whatever else happened, I had to stop being like that, I had to be beautiful and normal and acceptable. And that of course included a perfect fantasy of marrying the man of my dreams after he fell in love with men when I suddenly grew up to be the most beautiful woman there was, and having kids, and holding down a successful job that I was happy doing and having lots of money and well, just having the most perfect life. How could I not want that? Ever since I was old enough to walk, society fed me the idea that this was my ideal endgame, how could we ALL not dream about that at some point? 

I used to be obsessed with those stories where the “ugly” girl suddenly turns beautiful and the Nice Perfect Popular Boy finally notices her and they get together, those stories were my dream life. As a kid and young teen I’d fantasize about them constantly, I’d make up characters that would always end up fulfilling those same tropes. It was the way to prove to all those who ever called me ugly or belittled me because I was nerdy that “see? I got the happy ending” so when I was twelve, and suddenly all the girls were having crushes on boys I felt nothing for, while I started noticing seemingly out of the blue just how incredibly beautiful so many girls my age and older were, I got veeery scared. I couldn’t like girls like that, I wasn’t like that, I was already weird and had no friends, so how could I ever hope to find a girl who liked girls who’d like me? And if I did, everyone already hated me, so how would I bear it? The stares and the insults and the danger we’d face if people saw us together on the street? So I pushed that attraction down as far as I could, I convinced myself I was actually just too inmature to start thinking about crushes and all that stuff, and obviously when I was mature enough and the time came, I’d like boys, because that’s what Normal Girls did right? And I had to be normal.

In my school’s equivalent of US’ eighth grade, a new boy came to our class, he was pretty, and friendly, and most importantly, blonde! and he was the school sports star! It felt like every movie-like fantasy I ever had come to life. Every girl was in love with him, so one time I had a dream where we were dating. I woke up being absolutely ecstatic, that must have meant I had a crush right? I liked a boy? I was definitely straight?

I never actually began feeling nervous around this boy, or looking at him any more than usual until I had this dream and decided that meant I was in love. I told a friend eventually because I was excited about being in love and the fantasy I had created for myself about our perfect relationship (which did involve us kissing and having sex, and I never actually felt turned on about it but I did imagine it a lot because it meant we were In Love, so those fantasies happen even if you don’t actually like like the person in question, dw!), and isn’t that what you do when you like someone? Gossip about it with your friends? She told some of my bullies and the dude found out, so he started laughing at me in the middle of the class and calling me ugly and saying he was traumatized at the mere idea of me liking him. 

And I… felt nothing. I was angry of course, and sad, but it was just the same anger and sadness I felt when some random I didn’t like made fun of me, it wasn’t even like what I felt when former friends said nasty stuff about me. And I wanted to be heartbroken I wanted to wallow in the misery and the drama of it, but I just wasn’t, it was the same “well this shit sucks and I’m angry about it but it happens everyday so wyd?” There was no deeper feeling there, not even any special resentment, there was nothing. I never felt anything ever again when I looked at this boy.

Now, sometime later, the same boy starts dating a girl from our class, and it was around the same time that I was coming to terms with the fact that the latent attraction I had started to feel for women when I was younger had never actually gone away but rather had grown. Things were purely about sexual attraction for me at that point, not romantic feelings. I hadn’t actually been in love with a girl either by that point. Because even tho I was accepting my sexual attraction to women, I still had the idea in my mind that ideally I would end up with a boy, because when so much of my hopes for the future relied of me being beautiful and a man falling in love with me forever and ever so that I could have a normal future, letting go of that dream took a while. I called myself bisexual for a while, only to realize very little later that it didn’t actually fit me. When I did, it was hard, because I had to re-come out again to my mom and the two friends I had told, and that really scared me, because I felt like some fake, like what I felt was not actually real. I put it off, and my friends & mom were accepting but they also were like “you’re just confused about your sexuality!!/this is just a phase!!” so that fed into my insecurities. Even when I realized I was sexually into women only, I still hadn’t fallen in love with one, so that made things more confusing for me (I hadn’t fallen for any boy other than the one I mentioned earlier and one I met on a vacation that thought I liked for like a week because he had a pretty voice and was pretty androgynous lmao, but again, no heartbreak when he went away)

Eventually, (funnily enough through fandoms and f/f ships and fics that depicted them in loving relationships, And I cried when I read about girls kissing too, at first I thought it was because I was a Good Straight Ally, but I was just a lesbian lmao) I realized that I could also be happy in a relationship with a woman, that it was not only a possible future for me, but one that I wanted, one that felt right, one in which I wouldn’t be the beautiful, perfect, feminine, smart, succesful career woman I had dreamed of as a kid, but in which I’d be me, with all my quirks and faults, with another woman with her own quirks and faults who’d love me for who I am, because that was possible! It was possible to be happy like that!. When I realized this, that me liking girls romantically and sexually, and exclusively girls was okay, it felt like a veil was lifted from my eyes. Suddenly, all the feelings and attraction I had thought I had felt for boys paled in comparison to the intensity of what I felt for women, I learned what actual sexual desire was like, I yearned for a future with a real me in it with a real woman by my side, instead of the fake ideal I’d wanted to be when I was younger. It was around that time I fell in love for the first time.

Remember how I mentioned the boy I used to “like” got a girlfriend? Well, guess who I fell for? Me and her were assigned seats together one year in high school, and I got to know her through the first term, every time liking her more and more, until one day, she just walks into class, and I think she did something different with her hair? Whatever it was, seeing her felt like someone punching the breath out of me, it felt like watching literal perfection embodied. And I was gone, I was just so so sooo gone. I felt sparks when we sat next to each other, I couldn’t stop smiling like a fool whenever I looked at her, she’d say something nice to me and it felt like my soul was flying out of my body. And of course it was idealized, it was a crush on a girl I didn’t know that well, but the feelings I had, I had for her, for her actual personality, her actual sweetness, her actual kindness, even her actual rashness sometimes, not the fantasy I had made up of her that I projected onto her like I did when I “liked” her boyfriend. I liked her as a person. Plus the intensity of both crushes was just so fucking different. When I liked her, I cried when we were apart and at the thought of her with her dumbass idiot boyfriend, I listened to a love song and could relate to it for the first time. I understood finally why people would write poetry and songs and do all sorts of crazy things for this feeling. 

Tldr: I also fantasized about the ideal boy and I was never able to allow myself to feel anything for a girl because of how much I had repressed my sexuality due to fear of backlash until I was able to recognize that yes, liking women was OK and then all my repressed feelings came pouring out like a tsunami. 

If that sounds like something you can kind of relate to, then that’s your answer anon. However, it might not be, or maybe you don’t know if it is yet. That’s alright! Sexuality can be complicated and it can take a long time to figure it out. You’re not on a deadline here, you don’t have to stress about it.

As for the normal part, yeah being a lesbian in this society sucks a lot. And I still get terrified of the idea that I will not be “normal” and that I can never be happy. Even if I know deep in my heart that I can never be happy with a man, sometimes I wonder if it’d be worth it to spare me the pain. The answer? Hell no, I’ve got one life, one, what’s the point of wasting it on loveless unfulfilled relationships when I could try to go for someone I’ll actually be happy with? There’ll be pain, of course there will be, I live in a small town and I’ve only just started meeting other lesbians & bi girls offline this year because I’ve gone to university, and I’ve only ever actually started talking to and becoming actual friends with the ones I knew online this year too because I was so terrified before! All of them tell me about their hurt, and how lesbophobia affects them a lot, and yet I see them talking about how much they love their girlfriends/wives (I don’t have that because I’m an awkward potato but I’m trying) and also other lesbians, and it gives me hope, because I can be just like them, finding genuine happiness amidst the pain.

I hope this answer helps you. 

Mod M :D