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updatingthedragon · 4 years

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Adventure: The Caverns of Orcus

This adventure is intended for a party of 3rd-Level Adventurers

At a local meeting place (be it a tavern, town square, etc.), the party encounters Selene Claral, a Life Cleric. Selene is trying to gather adventurers to help her clear out a series of caverns, but no local is stepping up to assist. She will ask the party if they would be willing to help.

It turns out the locals don’t want to help because the caverns were once home to a fledgling branch of the Cult of Orcus, and old men still shudder at the memory of cultists descending from the mountains at night to kidnap victims for sacrifice. If asked, Selene will freely declare that it was once occupied by the Cult, and states that she must go there to cleanse them of residual evil magic. Various creatures have been drawn to the caverns due to this influence, and if left unchecked it will threaten the citizens in the area. If that’s not enough for players, she admits she has taken a vow of poverty. Therefore, all the treasures in the caverns are the party’s to claim.

Selene will be more than willing to fight alongside the party. It is the DM’s decision to decide if they or the players control her during combat. Outside of combat, Selene will always be against the use of persuasion or stealth, as she is a Cleric on a mission, but she will go with what the party decides to do.

If the players search Selene’s bag, they will find a bowl for collecting alms, ten days worth of rations, incense, and the Rite of Purification, instructions on how to carry out the ceremony to cleanse the caverns of latent evil magic. This is here just in case Selene dies unexpectedly, allowing the players to complete the adventure.

It will take three days of travel to arrive at the caverns. It is at the DM’s discretion whether or not to roll for random encounters. If they wish to, they may consult the following table:

D20 Result 1-10 No encounter 11-13 2d4 CR 1/4 monsters 14-16 1d4 CR 1/2 monsters 17-19 1d4 CR 1 monsters 20 1 CR 2 monster and 1d4 CR 1/2 monsters

As this adventure is created with the ability to drop into any campaign setting, we leave it up to the DM’s choice of what type of monsters appear that will make the most sense in their game.

An optional choice for random encounters is to add a +2 modifier to the roll each day as the party grows closer to the caverns. This is to give the players the feeling that these caverns serve as a focal point for evil, reinforcing the need for them to be cleared out.

The Caverns of Orcus (see map) are accessed by a large, low-slung cave opening on the side of a mountain. A few small hide lean-tos are set up around pitiful fires, providing shelter to the 1d4 goblin lookouts. They are presently not doing their job very well, and can be snuck up on with a DC 12 Stealth check. If surprised, the first goblin on the initiative order will disengage and attempt to flee back into the caverns to sound the alarm.

1: The entrance cavern is home to a band of 10 goblins. If a lookout was able to make it inside the cavern, they will be ready for battle. Otherwise, they will be lazily lounging about, sharpening weapons, cooking over smokey fires, and doing other everyday activities. After half of their number is down, roll a d20. On an 15-20, the remaining goblins will attempt to flee into Room 2 through the broken door. Each subsequent turn, reroll the check for retreat. The Western edge of the cavern is blocked off by an imposing iron door, decorated with motifs of skulls and wicked curved knives. It requires a key to open; or a DC 20 Dexterity check with thieves' tools.

2: This room is a goblin store room. There are 2d6 scimitars, 1d6 shortbows, and 3d8 GP worth of various kitchen utensils, sacks, string, and other small items. A DC 15 Investigation check will reveal an ancient chest wedged beneath a broken table. The lock can be broken with a DC 14 Strength check, or the lock can be picked with a DC 12 Dexterity check using thieves' tools. Inside is a silver handbell with glowing blue runes worth 4d8 GP.

3: This smaller room is crammed haphazardly with goblin bedrolls. It is presently home to 4 wolves. These vicious guard animals will aggressively assault the party. Defeating the wolves will allow the party to sift through the detritus of the goblin squatters, finding a few trinkets worth 2d8 GP.

4: This makeshift throne room holds one bugbear, two hobgoblins, and five goblins (in addition to any goblins that managed to escape from the entrance cavern). The bugbear, Vurgork will demand to know why the party has decided to assault his domain. He wears a massive dark key on a chain around his neck. He will not be willing to abandon a ready-made fortress, and will demand the players pay blood-money for the goblins they killed, to the tune of 5 GP per head, and then depart from his territory.

If the players seek to negotiate and state that there are there to cleanse the evil magics left over from the Cult of Orcus, the hobgoblins, sensing an opportunity, will whisper to Vurgork and he will change his tune. His goblins have not been able to utilize the other half of the caverns for some time, due to what he describes as six-legged reptiles he calls chattering horrors. Based on his description, a DC 12 Nature check will confirm that these are kruthiks. If the party goes and defeats the kruthiks, he will waive the blood-money, and allow them to carry on their ceremony. He does not care for Orcus, as he is a faithful worshipper of Maglubiyet, and wishes for any stain of the death-god to be removed from his territory. Selene will oppose this action, but she will grudgingly go along with the course of action selected by the party.

Of course, the players can always draw swords and fight Vurgork and his minions. During the fight, if they manage to kill Vurgork and both hobgoblins are alive, roll a d20. On an 11-20, the hobgoblins will throw down their weapons and order the remaining goblins to do the same. Surrendering, the hobgoblins (Shegnek and Merkuk) will seek to negotiate safe passage for the broken warband, yielding Vurgok's key to the party. This will allow them to progress to the next stage of the dungeon. If one of the hobgoblins fell before Vurgork did, however, the survivor will be enraged and continue to fight on. If both the hobgoblins and Vurgork are dead, any surviving goblins will rout and attempt to flee the caverns.

Defeating Vurgork's Warband, either by forcing their surrender or destroying their leadership, will allow the party to "loot the room." A sort of slapdash trunk in the side of the room contains 1d6 gems worth 50 GP each, as well as 3d8 GP, 2d6 SP, and 1d12 CP. There is also a Dagger of Warning stuck in a pile of meat, which can be located with a DC 16 Perception check.

5: This room is dominated by an imposing statue of a cultist in a dark robe in the Northwest corner. Presently, there are two young kruthiks squabbling over a bloated goblin corpse; seeing fresh meat, they will gladly charge the party, jaws open. After defeating the kruthiks, the party can search the room. Before the goblins were driven out of here by the kruthiks, they had thoroughly trashed the area. Nevertheless, a DC 15 Perception check will reveal a bag of 5d6 gold a retreating Goblin had stuck underneath a stone.

6: This room has strange, almost crypt like slots carved into the walls. A pile of humanoid bones are messily stacked in the northeast corner, alongside a stack of threadbare black robes. It seems as if the goblins cleaned up after the cultists. A large, ancient stone cauldron lies in the center of the room. Investigating the cauldron with a successful DC 14 Perception check reveals it still maintains a faint, acrid scent of poison, long-since rendered inert. One can infer that the cultists had killed themselves in one final ceremony to honor their god.

7: Five hatched kruthik eggs are deposited in a sticky ichor on the right wall, and narrow kruthik tunnels can be seen leading off to the west. This was the kruthik broodchamber, and likely where the beasts entered the caverns. A DC 12 Nature check will let players know that, given they just killed two kruthiks, there are five remaining- three other young kruthiks, and two adult kruthiks.

8: Several strange and grotesque mosaics line the walls, depicting cultists leading chained prisoners towards their doom. The mosaics wrap around, leading to a large iron wall. Jutting from this wall is the head of a ferocious dragon, its jaws open wide. Even from this distance, it seems to radiate evil. Two adult kruthiks and three young kruthiks are feasting on the body of an unfortunate ogre. They are distracted, allowing the party a chance to get a drop on them, if they make a DC 12 Stealth check.

After defeating the kruthiks, the party is free to turn their attention to the mysterious iron wall. A DC 16 Arcana check or DC 15 Religion check will reveal that this is a Sanguinary Door. To enter a Sanguinary Door requires the blood of a humanoid, placed in the dragon's mouth. Doing so will cause the wall to retract and the Pool of Souls to be revealed.

9: This dark room is illuminated by strange shining crystals, though almost no light is reflected in the pitch-black waters of the Pool of Souls. Selene, if she survived the past encounters, will begin to prepare for the Rite of Purification; if she fell, it will be up to the party to carry it out. The Rite will require one day of prayer and meditation, accompanied by the burning of incense. Selene will carry this task on her shoulders, while the party will be able to divide that responsibility amongst themselves by praying in shifts.

Any party member who touches the water of the Pool of Souls will find themselves connected to the spirits of all the victims sacrificed by the Cult. It seems as if this was the sacrificial chamber; after the dark deed was done, their bodies were thrown into the Pool, trapping their souls in the water. They can be asked a question, which they will answer truthfully to the best of their ability. However, after the first response, the party member communicating with them must made a DC 10 Wisdom saving throw. On a failure, they are afflicted with short term madness for 1d8 hours. Each subsequent inquiry made by this party member of the spirits in the pool will require an additional Wisdom saving throw, with the DC raised by two each time. There are consequences with communing with the tortured spirits of sacrifices, after all.

At the end of the Rite, if Selene carried it out, she will faint. If the party carried it out in shifts, they face no ill effects. However, instead of the feeling of evil departing, it will intensify. Crawling out of the water is a Jailer of Souls. It is the guardian of this Pool, and seeks to fight a last-ditch effort to protect the souls offered to its master. The Jailer may choose to attack the unconscious Selene if the party does not think to move her from the field of battle. It is also worth noting here that skeletons are not humanoid creatures. Therefore, the effects Sword of Soul Stealing do not apply when they die.

With the Jailer of Souls defeated, there is a pained howl, and a wave of cold energy washes over the party. After it passes, a feeling of calm pervades. The taint from the Cult of Orcus has been removed, and these caverns will no longer draw creatures of evil. Selene, if alive, warmly thanks the players for their assistance. If they accepted the deal offered by Vurgork, on the other hand, she will be more tepid in her gratitude.

The Sword of Soul Stealing may be looted by the party. It is a +1 longsword, and since the party isn’t playing home to terrifying beings from another plane, it’s soul trapping effect can be utilized only once per short rest.

If the party chose to deal with Vurgork, Selene will leave the cavern with a chilled goodbye. Vurgork will be glad that his domain is once again freed from monsters and chaotic evil spirits both, and reward the party with 1d6 gems worth 50 GP each. Their service more than paid for the slain goblins, so he’s making sure he’s not in their debt now.

If the party did not deal with Vurgork, and she survived, Selene will stay behind in the cave. Giving the party a letter to send back to her superiors, she states her intention to transform the caverns into a monastery. Indeed, the next time the party is in the area, there will be a monastery headed by Selene. It can serve as a temporary base of operations, or a place to be healed and replenish rations for free.

If the party did not deal with Vurgork, and Selene fell in battle, perhaps they will wish to take over the caverns and turn them into their own stronghold? Or mayhaps they’ll move on? The decision is theirs.

#dungeons and dragons #5e #5th edition #adventure #quest #third level

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rosheendubh · 5 years

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S7S8 Draft Rewrite GoT...

—YouTube Game of Thrones film edit/rewrite challenge: —It’s Long, the formatting is terrible, and it’s really more a thread of ideas than a proper outline. But I’m throwing the challenge out there—can some talented YouTube montage editor reel back and mash up GOT Seasons 7 and 8 to match what I’ve drabbled down below?Which is essentially 1 of 1000 other (mostly wonderful) rewrite ideas to help where D&D got a little lost. Honestly, just add some 2 Steps From Hell Soundtrack background, varied clips from the previous S7 and S8 in the order I’ve described below—and ‘voila’!!—our more satisfying conclusion to the last 9 years of fangrrl obsessions... Thanks, I’ll love you forever (and would happily clean this up to be more reader-friendly) if you could do this!!

...or rather, how it should have been written...

There were about a thousand alternative plot lines the GoT authors could have chosen to develop S7 and S8. Basically, they ignored every one of them which would have been better than the drivel they chopped out and spewed Willie-Nillie to hurry up and deliver the blandest tripe to neutralize drama more effectively than a junior-high level theatrical recreation of Shakespeare... —This Post is long, and is also an indulgence of therapy, involving shameless GoTs fangrrling and GeekGrrling... For starters, they was an entirely plausible method to Daenerys’s destruction of King’s Landing, but it would have involved reeling back S7 to only address the Battle for King’s Landing, as the threat of the Night King decended on the North in the background. Keep Jon Snow at Dragon’s Keep/Island Targaryan, mining Dragon Glass, whilst Dany views the motives of the North suspiciously, and rather than battling stupid minor campaigns across Westeros, just concentrates her full force armies+ 3 Dragons on King’sLanding (taking the advice of Olenna earlier than she ought—still as a conqueror, and ruthless, but not psycho...), shattering the Red Keep. Tyrion, somehow, can still wheedle into the city, offering Jamie the chance to get Cersei out despite her refusal to leave...until it’s apparent the RedKeep is about to collapse. Team Cersei (the Mountain, Qyburn) manage to escape through the crypts to that random boat, heading off to CasterlyRock, laying low wisely, beaten and bereft of an army, but not their loyal houses who are leery of the returned Targaryen, trying to regroup allies. Cue—NOW Euron enters with his fleet, to Casterly Rock, offering his undying love to Cersei, and his ships... Meanwhile, collateral damage expected with the RedKeep’s destruction, with some innocent lives, the city overall remains preserved for occupation by Dany’s forces. It’s ambivalence with which the people greet her rather than the gratefulness and joy she anticipated, and she realizes the first truth of governance: a conqueror does not a ruler make...but has little time to ponder this conundrum with Varis and Tyrion as her main advisors, before word is received simultaneously of Cersei and Jamie’s escape—engineered by the only person who could possibly have known out to get them out of the Keep. Her Hand. Cue: Tyrion is arrested. Jon, stranded on Dragon’s Keep, with a skeleton guard only, receives word from the Wall of the Army of the Dead at the Wall. Supposedly, they can’t pass b/c ‘the dead and spells protecting the integrity of the Wall’—but there they stand, just at the boundary of the World of the Living. Jon enacts a daring escape with Team Stark/Snow—killing the men Dany left to hold them in custody, and gets back to his ship, sailing back to Stark holdings in a haste to prepare an unprepared North. Dany, pulled on 2 fronts—between Lannisters and Starks—and holding a city barely in her grip, is forced into a quandary. Jon appeals to her once more (via flying pigeons of course) to come to the aid of the North, in exchange for which he will bend the knee, and promise the submission of the North as well—upping the ante on tension between his loyalty to save the North vs his devotion to serve the North, possibly compromising his own position with his nobles and his family. Bran, by this point, delivered back to Winterfell/Home Stark, learns of Jon’s true heritage, and perhaps informs him then. Or not... Meanwhile, Dany’s dual nature between compassionate queen versus ruthless conqueror asserts itself, and she knows what the right thing, the true thing is to do. You know, like she had shown through the previous 6 seasons of the show. She commits a significant portion of her armies, and her Dragons north, haunted by the carvings Jon had her shown under Dragon Stone (still preserving that scene from S7) the first time in their brief meeting where sparked admiration and attraction between the two—something both were resisting and ignoring at that time. Since D&D evidently left her enough of an army of horsemen and Unsullied in the actual show after the battle of WinterFell, to occupy the cinders of KingsLanding, I’m guessing in my rewrite, Dany has enough of an army to leave behind and maintain her control of King’s Landing, whilst driving her forces North... Concurrently, we have Team Lannister, courtesy of EuronGreyJoy Water Ubers, sailing to Bravos, aquiring that massive loan from the IronBank, and that absolutely useless GoldenCompany. In this rewrite, they’re more effective, AND BS on elephants. If Hannibal could herd them through the Alps, over the seas from Africa, Drogon’s Balls that they couldn’t also show up in Westeros...Cersei, my villainess supreme vixen, you get your elephants in my version! Scene—Rejuvenated Lannister mercenary army heading back to KingsLanding...S7 concludes... —S8: the battle of the Wall hangs by a thread, but somehow, sans a Dragon this time, the NightKing manages to kill one of the Watchers on the Wall, and wight-over Castle Black, and every other fort along the Wall, with only a few stragglers escaping down to WinterFell, barely ahead of the Zombie Apocolypse. Of course, Thormund is with them—my ginger lover of Brienne the Magnificent. —Jon rallies what meager mortal defenses he might, all collected at WinterFell, fortified as fortified might be thanks to Sansa’s adept hand at administration. We’re still plagued by LittleFinger in this canon, and at some point, Arya arrives back as well, having heard of the victory of the Dragon Queen at KingsLanding, and the advance of Dany’s forces North. Enter: Brothers W/o Banners, with RedPriestess, knowing their destiny is finally upon them. WinterFell is razed, but Dany’s forces arrive at the last minute—we relive that scene where she comes like a flying avenger, rescuing Jon and a small group of determined fighters from imminent death. Or, maybe his comrades die, or scatter in the confusion. Heroic Rhagel, lowers his head and offers his wing to Jon in an oddly sequestered moment, cut off from the dying and destruction abounding. It doesn’t take Jon much prompting from Dany, amid battle chaos, to tell him what to do. And Jon—grown into a less doormat version of himself than what D&D seem to have conceived (ie, awakening his alpha male, to match Dany’s alpha female, rather than the psycho femme-fatal into which mutated her)—mounts Rhagel just at the moment a White Walker is about to skewer Jon. DireWolf style, awesome Ghost makes DireWolf kibble if WhiteWalker, but not before WhiteWalker stabs Ghost fatally. Jon’s anguish is tangible on his perpetually constipated facade, but the symbolism is clear. Kill the Wolf; awaken the Targaryan Dragon... —Night King faces Dany. Drogon roasts Night King unsuccessfully. Night King targets Viserys and launches Ice Javelin at the moment Drogon is trying to roast Night King. *WeepyTearsSerial HeartAttacks* as dying dragon crashes out the sky to ground... All battle pauses for a horrified moment, even the dead. And the Night King, to the shock of the Northern forces, and Dany’s host, even past a Dsny paralyzed for a fateful moment by the frigid gaze of the Night King upon her, resurrects Vicerys. Thus, we avoid the awkward *where in the world did all those chains come from to haul dead dragon out of water at the end of S7*. Dany, reeling from the sudden loss of Vicerys, and rendered lost momentarily, processing the fact her dragons do have vulnerabilities, and seeing the horror around her, the inevitable defeat, draws courage from Jon in that moment, whatever words he speaks, maybe in reprimand for her momentary weakness/no time to grieve/living need us to provide retreat...and off they go, defending the remaining survivors of WinterFell, sacrificing the North, in order to fight another day. The remaining forces of Dany, and Jon, the Starks having escaped, and the rag-tag few of others, including Brienne, the Stark Sisters (Bran?? Ugh, fine...but we’re bringing Meera, thank you very much...), the Hound, Thormund/some Wildings-Black Watch, etc... They arrive at whatever sea-port is closer, Yara’s fleet awaiting their arrival, disheartened and horrified by the remnant few survivors...and 1 less dragon. —Now, of course the Dead are forcing them to the shore’s very edge, but they manage overall, to make-off safe. Back to King’s Landing or Dragon Stone/Drsgons Keep (can’t keep up with the fortress names...)?? Who knows...DragonStone would actually make more sense, allowing for regroup/recoop time, but not time they can really afford to lose. but it does allow for sending communication to KingsLanding, and for Jon to expresshis reservations about Dany’s wish to incinerate the city, CUE: speech about “just becoming one more shit-thing ‘the people’ have always known...”S7. —Somehow, maybe via Jorah and Samuel Tarly re-entering the tale at this juncture, having been to KingsLanding, and discovering it’s under siege by Team Lannister, w/their varied mercenary and allied houses, cutting Dany’s forces off inside, w/Cersei and Co outside, finally breaching the Walls through subterfuge, and retaking the City in a vicious street-to-street encounter between Dany’s occupying garrison, and Cersei’s army, with Euron’s navy blockading the harbor...whatever is Tyrion to do, whilst Messandi, who had been left to administer in Dany’s authority, is taken hostage by Team Cersei...but spared the Mountain. Whatever is Tyrion to do?? Tries to find a cord of sympathy and doubt in Jamie, as Tyrion warns their victory is temporary. Cross the Dragon Queen once, and she may still have an element of mercy. Cross her twice, and ‘show no mercy’ becomes the law... Of course, spliced amid the battles are the quiet moments of character interaction, and dialogue—especially for the interval on the ship. A desperate gambit has been made to Cersei, warning of the Army of the Dead, approaching King’sLanding...by Pigeon Courier again, I suppose?? —At DragonStone-recuperating—Touching and tender character crossings ensue—Jorah with Dany. The Hound with Arya and Sansa. The Hound, finding that unexpected something with this new, tough-as-nails-Sansa (pu’leeze—had they not hinted at this in the books, I wouldn’t go here, but more than Dany and Jon, I was always rooting for a feasible blossoming, hestant, bittersweet romance between these two... but one that endures as the human side of love, promising hope the future, as opposed to Jon and Dany’s epic, Star-crossed doom...). —And, revelations—Dany. Jon. Targaryen. Stark. Dany’s purpose for conquering Westeros seems insignificant, trivial now, compared to the existential threat of the Night King. Consequently, she’s lost and confused, in what her destiny had been, or she thought it had been, and what her new purpose appears to manifest as/seems to imply. There’s still the stage of the Iron Throne; there’s still Cersei, and the Lannister threat, but it’s larger now, than a mere struggle to “take back what is mine”. And Jon, there’s Jon. To whom Rhagel bowed, and allowed Jon to ride. And she knows, even without Bran’s stoner-revelation, what this means. But Bran’s words at least shine clarity over the conflict of her emotions with Jon, and given him a name. Aegon. The realization has left Jon as unmoored as she. —Jon swears his siblings/now cousins to silence despite Sansa’s protest, “I ask as your brother/kinsman, but I command it as your king. You’ll say nothing of this to anyone—vow upon the Wolf of the North/Jon’s Sword—until I’ve spoken to Daenerys Targaryen alone. Nothing,” he repeats, emphasis. —Arya, wary but loving Jon as always, bows her loyalty. Bran remains stoic, and Sansa erupts in vehemence in their duty to the North. Jon, temper breaking in his grief and confusion, rallies/counters in a heated voice, “What North, Sansa? What North? You saw what the Night King did, can do. There’s nothing left of the North, except for those of we who’ve survived.” —Sansa, “who are now at her mercy. How convenient for her grab at power. It ought to be you, Jon. Aegon. You are the—“ His gaze grows cold, silencing her, though her eyes still challenge him. “Don’t say it,” dangerous and low. For love of him, not fear, does Sansa hold her tongue. —Jon asks Bran if he can see the future, lend some direction, but Bran, in that hollow voice, helplessly admits, “It’s only darkness across the kingdoms. The skies of ice and land of snow and night. He marches on KingsLanding. You need to tell her, he’s raised Vicerys. Balefire devours the land from the north to Vales of Europe, on the edge of Passes of ___. Even water will no longer stop him.” — Later, alone in her meeting room, Jon and Danny speak. He tells her the truth, the veracity confirmed by Sam’s own discovery in the Chronicles kept by the WhiteTower. And Danyboiints our the obvious, as he’s the last male heir of House Targaryen, and heir to the Iron Throne. -Jon rejects the words. “I don’t care. I don’t want it. I made a vow to you, a promise as the King of the North, and it is as that King I still speak. You came to us, in our hour of need, when you might have done otherwise. You came, and fought, your men died at our sides. For the North.” -Dany, bitterly interjects, “For what little good it did.” Jon, gratitude and tenderness at once, “There would be none of us left here if you hadn’t. I am sworn to you, and so is the North. As Jon or as...as Aegon,” he stumbles. “As a Stark, and a Targaryen. You’re not the last of your house, Dany.” —(Borrowing from the scene after the feast at Winterfell, where they’re in Jon’s chambers, conversing, about to get it on, *true chemistry there and too bad they didn’t capitalize on that, nor let the characters/actors express that more going from S7*—until she becomes MeanGirl drama, and he gets DoorMat Mopey...which does not happen here in my canon—so out of character for both by this point)... -Dany, staring into the flames, searching, asks seeking, “What do we do now?” “It doesn’t matter anymore. Ice and fire, is what we are, Dany.” His presence is a warmth, solid and strong, as he comes behind her, his hands upon her shoulders, gentle and commanding/impelling, turning her toward him, tipping her chin up so she meets his eyes, she trembles in their strength as she holds herself proud, stiff in her pride, fearful and hoping at once, knowing and not wanting to know how much he wants of her-spirit and Fire, courage and compassion, the sacrifice and losses litters upon their paths, in a journey they’ve traversed from opposite sides of these tortured lands, to build something of hope, from the wreckage others have tried to make of their lives and visions, adversaries unknowingly making them stronger, but that strength, every victory, every triumph come at great cost to ideal and faith. Until, at this crossroads where each find themselves, there’s one certainty as clear as dawn upon a crystal sky, that what they’ve found in each other is home. Refuge and sanctuary, fated and as inevitable as breath to the living, and water to the thirsty. And despite hopeless causes, for Westeros or against the Night King, who closes further south at a dread pace, collecting minions as he festers thorough the territories to KingsLanding, his wight Dragon a thing of terror and near invulnerable destruction, despite family secrets and secret shame—they no longer resist the fate of Ice and Fire. *BombChickaBombBomb* — The same night, Sansa in her hurt at her brother’s...cousin’s...stance, so foreign he seems with this new persona, the half brother, the bastard brother she’s always known, her savior at a time when they didn’t know if any of their family still lived, the victor of WinterFell, the King of the North, Jon Snow—Aegon...a Targaryen. Hardly seemed possible, but there it was, by Bran and in writing. She wanted to weep and rage, claw out his eyes, and beg him in tears, that they would still love him, always love him, and not trust this Dragon Queen. Who, to be fair, she’s exchanged less than two lines of formal greeting since they’d arrived as exiles from the ravaged north, here in the mother isles of the Targaryens. So what if it was Lyanna rather than Ned. He was still a Stark. She wanders aimless, and annoyed, avoiding Baillesh b/c she hasn’t the capacity for quicknrejoinders and subtle ploys to elude his ever stagnant coveting of her body, and her status—the Lady of WinterFell. A WinterFell that’s no more, decimated by an army of wights and corpses brought to motion. Through varied corridors, the rooms lent to the women, the main hall and even the bloody kitchens, out along the palisade, the quest for solitude seems, like everything else that dreary day, to thumb Sansa like a demon shadow spiting the one thing she truly wants right now. To be alone. Finally, she wanders into a thankfully ruined, deserted anteroom that must have been an old armory once, shuttered and closed off by poorly fitted wooden slabs rotting off their nails. She ducks under the barrier of a half hinged door that groans in age and rust, coughing at the dust motes stirred by her skirts. On a pile of shambled furnishings she collapse finally, leaning back to close her eyes, rest against the stones behind her, in the darkness—a peak of setting sun slanting between tattered curtains, the ocean breeze seeepingvaway mold and must, painting shadows across the neglected room. At last, precious, precious silence. “You too, eh, little bird?” Sansa startles upright, eyes casting about fretful, jar to her nerves turning immediately to anger. She bites out in rapid annoyance how impossible it is to find a coffin’s width of space to be alone, asking in the same breath what the Hound is doing in a dank chamber, away from his new found brethren. “I came here to sleep. The Dothraki dontvlike to be where they can see no sky, and those castrates from Essos believe these lower corridors are haunted. Ghosts or rats, anything out of the dark will still be quieter than the shits above who want to drink and mourn all night for their woes at the eve of our doom.” The wryness in her voice seems a trait that’s emerged more fully in the years she’s matured into her true power, trusting her own instincts, and realizing she too, has a penchant for authority and presence. The Lady of Winterfell. “Seeking the impossible.” He lights a lamp, the kind men carry on encampments and the March. “What’s that? A cock and some sweet words in the night?” She would have blushed and choked at such coarse words long ago. But she’s known much worse since the days when she was his little bird. The look she shoots him is ironic, as is her tone. “Silence. It seems at premium right now.” The Hound laughs, “The last thing most men want on the vantage of their deaths. There’s an eternity of silence, after, little bird. It’s why there’s always so much drinking, song, and whoring before battles.” Sansa, “Shouldnt they save that till after the battle is won?” His face darkens. “We won’t win this one, little bird. Even with this Dragon Queen. Even with your brother.” The word, brother, makes her wince. He sees that, peering at her curiously. He passes her the flagon he’d been nursing. “Ah, that’s it, eh? He’s fallen under her spell, and you don’t trust that.” She sips, readying herself for some sort of home brew, that burning liquor said to peel the insides of men with one swig, and shit fire the next day. One swallow and it’s a sweet pungency of grapes and sun, autumn spice on the next. “____wine? This was from our cellars.” Her brow raised, his cheeky look, an almost grin ghosts over his face. “It seemed a shame to sacrifice all of it. Berick salvaged what he could, getting it into one of the wagons in our retreat. Drink up, little bird. It the swansong of your home.” He had that penchant for barbs that can wound and comfort both. She remembers that, but thecway he delivers them now is gentler, spoken in the tone of melancholy. A man who’s known grief, and survived. Who’s dealt death, and now admits his struggles with his own ghosts. That part is new. Something happened to him in the years they’ve been apart. Sansa not sure how to reconcile this as weakeness or a strength for him. “Wine was never our chosen beverage. Ale and beer were marks of Northmen. And women.” He takes the flagon back. “Like your brother, no doubt, little bird. A man of the North. And all those tough as steel fuckers who will follow him to the very edge of the world and beyond.” “My brother is not my brother,” the words spilling past her conflicted mind before she can stop them. “He’s...”, Anger curls her fingers, pinching her spine straight, her eyes furious upon him. Which makes Sander suddenly throw his head back, true deep laughter surging into the darkness, until he’s holding his gut, trying to catch his breath. Her indignation riles him more. “Why is that so funny to you?” “Ah, little bird,” he quiets into a solemnity she almost finds harder to bear than his unpredicated amusement. “Of course he’s not a Stark. He’s a Targaryen.” Her gasp, the struggle to regain her poise before she completely betrays her oath to Jon...Aegon. Jon. He’ll always be Jon, prompts Sandor to handing her the flask again. Something, a sip, the motion to salavage her shattered nerves. “How-“ she coughs on the rich vintage. “How did you know?” “He rode a dragon, Sansa,” he says, laconic as always. “I usually punched or skewered most of my tutors, but even I listened to the old tales sometimes, as a boy. Fire. Fire will never harm him.” His eyes clouded by the memory of his own sadistic brother, his large hand moving up, caught and curled back against his lap, the puckered scars ravage his scalp, half his brow. Out of reconciliation, she returns the flask so he can escape from his own past in that easing warmth of wine. “He’s still a Stark,” she says definable. Possessively. “He was Lyanna’s son, by Rhaeger. It was a love match. They were married in secret to keep him safe from the Baratheons.” His short laugh holds only bitterness. “And everything that’s come from that day to this, every life lost, every mother left weeping, houses ruined, and villages burned, has been based on a lie. Because some fat cunt of a lord couldn’t understand how a Stark girl would find him repulsive compared to the perfection of a silver haired Targaryen. Even when they’re mad as rabid dogs.” She can appreciate his glum, but feels compelled to amend his sour appraisal, perhaps out of mercy for her brother, who she knows was struggling with this revelation in his own confusion. She clears her throat, signaling with a glance at his flask to hand the wine back to her. “They say Robert was actually handsome back then. And Rhaeger wasn’t mad.” “Yet. He didnt have a chance to be. But he was impulsive, and self-serving. He left his lawful wife the moment your aunt crossed his sight, and never considered once, the consequences his act would bring. Only cared to serve the golden dragon between loins, and thought your aunt was the answer to his destiny—Elia, Dorne, and the Kingdom be damned. What is it, about you Stark women, little bird? Makes men think with their cocks, and dream impossible feats.” His eyes shine with wine glaze and ruefulness, and but his words remain unslurred. She recalls the tankards he could drown, and still be sitting upright with a steady strike of his sword, where other men had long before sleptvin the puddles of their own vomit. Her own mind buzzed with just the edge of dizziness and daring, enough to loosen her tongue in the same way it’s made him nostalgic. She has a suspicion when he’s not angered in his wine haze, he euther hets mopey or morose, neither mood does she seek right now in her own tormented heart, shadowed byvwhat the coming days hold. “I’m not your little bird, anymore, Sandor Clegan.” The sadness in his voice almost takes her from this edge of ire to grief. “I know that, lit-Sansa,” hecsays softly. Her name though, how he shapes it. She’s only heard him speak like this once before. That night. That night she should have trusted him, and left KingsLanding. “I knew that when you told me you knew no more songs, and the little bird lost her voice. It took all your courage to look me in the face when you said that. Now...now you don’t even flinch to meet my eyes. Have I grown so less threatening?” Sansa aches for something lost, something of this feeling, a final sorrow or a hope that died with Jon’s true heritage. “My father was a killer. My brothers are killers. The world was made by killers.” His eyes hold hers steady, firm before her judgement, something cold and brittle and hurtful finally surfacing in all the years she’s kept it down. Never soothed, even with Ramsay’s death, never gloried nor indulged b/c she refused to become like the beasts who had made her journey to womanhood a living hell. But she knows what’s been lost, and knows can never be recovered of innocence. Delusions, she knows now, fantasies that her father and brothers doated upon her, thinking they could protect her, did her a favor by sheltering her from the realities of men and the world. None of them, not even her mother, tried to teach her how to be strong. That, she learned on her own. And the price wasn’t her violated body or the trauma of Ramsay’s perversions. Memories that still creep into her nightmares. The cost was the betrayal of her father, her brothers, and her family, for thinking women needed to be sheltered and protected, and never allowed to mature into their independence—to fail or thrive by their own intellect or grace. That seed of resentment fills her words now, and flashes in her eyes, hardening everything about her to steel and ice, b/c Sandor too, felt the same way once. His uncommon chivalry toward her, she sees now, was his own fumbling attempt to shelter her. Little Sansa. Little Bird. “I learned where true monsters lurked, hidden behind the faces of men. And I survived them. But you would have have done me a favor, Sandor, to have finished what those assailants started that day you saved me from the rioters who meant to kill Geoffrey. It would have spared me my continued delusions. Stupid little Sansa, and her stupid little fantasies. You would have shown me much more efficiently what I learned anyway, what the real world was truly rife in, of monsters and traitors and liars.” The words twist out of him in a whisper. “Alas, the she wolf has arrived.” That hasn’t changed, at least, his mockery of her, though it’s more a gentle ribbing. He short rejoinder dies, when he adds, “We aren’t all that way, Sansa. Not all men, even the killers amongst us.” She dares for his touch, reaching toward him, a test worthy of Baillesh, querying in how he might react. Almost laughs, but swallows it down when she sees the terror and surprise pale his face, the half not ruined by fire, she notices now, truly studying him, handsome in its bold lines, the shape of contemplation in deepest eyes and the long jaw. A poet’s mouth, her light touch traces the gouged flesh of old burns. “I know that,” she says. “But I too, have learned to kill. I still don’t think it’s killers who make the world though.” He hand wanders back to her lap. “I would never have hurt you. I protected your sister, as well as I knew how, anyway. I would protect you.” She’s sighs, feeling a smile pass, glinting eyes upon him, her turn to mock, cruel smirk. “I don’t need a champion. I already have one,” the pointed remark stinging his ego enough to break his disconcerting sadness, as he shifts with the uncomfortable reminder of his defeat at the hands of Brienne of Tarth. “And Arya is practically an army to herself.” A condsering look passed between them, of understanding and admiration of her younger sister, whose skills were still something of a puzzlement. Part of her sister’s book of sorrows and secrets, she sees now, and knows Arya may never share those empty years with her. And Sansa has made her peace with that. As she has with Bran and the uneasy aura of power and old magic that hangs about him, despite the illusion of flawless youth molding his fine features. “Still, I would never have harmed you, Sansa. And whatever you think, of men who mistook ignorance to preserve innocence, I never shared that belief. You were the only thing in that rotten court that was sweet and good, pure. And brave. Brace enough to stand up and defend your belief in the world’s goodness, and the honor of men, even in the face of your fear. You don’t know how scared Ivwas of that, how you saw right through me, straight to that cowering, quivering little pissant deep inside. You were gentle tough, even with him. I wanted...that. Wanted you.” “Stop,” she pleads roughly. “I know. I know all of that.” How can one feel so alone and share such proximity with another human, intimacy it’s own bridge and wall. “I dreamt of you, after that night the Blackwater was almost lost. Dreamt you kissed me, and wrapped me your cloak before you took me with you. And I felt so safe. So loved. That dream was where I would go, in the worst moments with...Ramsay. I almost,” she says with a wistful smile, “convinced myself it was real at some point.” “I make him suffer a thousand fold—“ “Shh,” her finger over his lips, Her solemn look quiets him. “His death was mine alone to render, and he died as deserved. By the jaws of the creatures who he thought loved him most.” The grim satisfaction she still feels, hearing his screams as they gradually turned to groans wet with with a gargling of blood, and the snorts and snarls of feeding dogs who feast before their victim is truly dead, terrifies her, the euphoria of power and absolution. Sansa has enough inner counsel to realize the temptation of that road, how easy to become the thing one wishes to destroy. Her burning hatred died with him, but nothing, the nothingness has never rebounded, never found anything to restore whatcwas lost in the months of her torture. He’s patient and tender with this awareness, somehow knowing as he had with her brother. “It’s still too soon, isn’t it. After Bolton’s stench, for you to want another man.” A statement, so blunt it might have been callous, but so very Hound-like. How comfortable, relieving it is, to keep nothing hidden, and not have to explain herself. How perturbing that she can discuss something so vile and recent to her past, and shroud it in a casual shrug, the twitch of revulsion the only betrayal of how close her disgust still hovers. “That. And evading Baillesh’s advances while preserving diplomacy. He would make a nanny goat in heat go cold.” “That little weasel,” he growled. “His own shadow doesn’t trust him.” She glances at him sidelong. “B/c his own shadow knows better,” she says dryly. “Fortunately, he’s still too terrified from WinterFell to remember how to be subtle/crafty and scheming. You can’t buy off a Wight, and you can’t blackmail the Night King. He actually tried to persuade me to spend the night with him by claiming these could be our last ones before we die.” Perhaps it was the lamplight, but Sandor looked like he’d eaten bad oysters, an expression between rage or nausea, like he was fighting down bile stained the muscles of his jaw. “Drink, Clegan. Before you get sick. He claims to love me, and won’t touch me. He’s still too guilty for having been called out selling me off to the Bolton’s. I told him desperation wasn’t becoming in tempting a woman to bed. Besides, I heard him scream when he was about to be overrun by those Zombies. He sounded like a terrified rabbit. Nothing douses passion more than that. I can’t look at him without laughing. I scorn him, and I pity him both. Is that possible?” His eyes brightened, uncanny, lifting her out of her morose. “Pity him, rather. I think the Dornish women found him. The cries coming out of that room...” The suggestion trailing with all manner of fates, but the dread and envy on his face told all. Men spoke warily and yearningly of one night with a Dornish woman. One Dornish woman. A group, all sisters, and a man was left wondering if he’d ever be able to service a woman ever again, let alone piss while standing, or ride a horse. “Good,” she says firmly. “They might even make a man if him, if there’s a man left after they’re done.” A snort under his breath, amusement in his voice. “If there was ever a man to begin with. They like women too. He should serve both roles well, for their tastes.” Silence holds them in the moments following their brief humor/levity, Sansa taking the wine flask, and Sandor reaching for a fresh flagon from his knap-sack. “Another?” She blurts, emptying the remnants of first. “I didn’t think I would go through the first so quickly. I wasn’t expecting company. You’re planning on staying, then—“watching without comment, a little taken aback really, as she frees the flagon from his hands with a giggle, unsteady, and opens the the cork, gulping down the silken drink—“Here, with me, tonight?” She doesnt want to leave, his presence—the bulk of his body, a solid assurance which lent her more calm in these last hours, than she’s had in...years. A settling in her soul that’s been like a restless butterfly flitting with no where to rest, fraught worse since Jon had taken the field against the Boltons, and successively tied the fate of their homeland to the throne Sansa had been trying to free them from. She turns to him slowly, disappointment perhaps, marring the comfort of their camaraderie/familiarity. That he had to take advantage of this blessing he’d begun to uncover with her, only to push a boundary she thought he’d respect, and leave her to reject him gently, b/c it always needed to be done gently. Men were such fragile creatures. For all the tenderness of his eyes upon her, she had thought he understood her reluctance, revulsion in fact, in the act of coupling. She might one day, find a place to let someone touch her thecway she knew people could who desired each other. They way she knew Jon and the Targaryen woman were in these past hours. The thought left her cringing and disturbed. They were both Targaryens. But he was still a Stark. Maybe it was jealousy, a little envy, toward her after all. Jon accused her of that, but said it the Jon always did. Comparing Sansa’s strength and courage and stubbornness, and her beauty, to Daenerys’s own. *She’s your match. Only you can reconcile that, Sansa.* That had stung more than she wanted to admit. It wasn’t jealousy for his affection, at least not in the way of desiring him as a lover. He was her brother, cousin, family. Sansa realized, the very thing Sandor had pointed out in her, that goodness and faith in others’ goodness, she sensed in Jon. He still had that child’s devotion that others would act as honorably as him, even after the wreckage of how he’d been betrayed by his own Watch. He was so like their father. No, his uncle. She wondered if Lyanna had shared that quality. Sandor, off balance, wine coursing in his veins and affecting his motions, rises, arranging his mantle out on the ground. She’s trying to find the right words, shape them coherently through a mind thickened with wine and drear, to tell him she hadn’t meant to lead him on. He grips for his sword, still in its scabbard, a thing of _____steel, as long as the span of his arms, Holt of ivory cast in silver etching, holding it aloft with a crooked grin. She lowers the flask, wiping at the wine dribbling down her chin. “What are you doing?” Her puzzlement breaking the hazeforca moment. He bows, catching himself before falling on his face, burping before he explains his actions. “A gentleman, Lady Stark. S’pposedly I’m a knight. Note the blade between us. My pledge I won’t touch you, nor dishonor you, as much as I wish you’d ask me to.” The relief washing over her, gratitude that brings infuriating tears she blinks back impatiently, makes her knees almost collapse freed of a strain she hadn’t realized till then. A small, choking breath, as she steadies her voice, “I’d thought you...you were going to ask me to sleep with you.” “I have. But not fu—no, with you it wouldn’t be that. Allow me my dignity. I dont need to invite my own rejection, in the way you don’t need to spare the feelings of an ass. The tenderness and sorrow in his eyes leaves her silent, the tears winning out, flowing unimpeded down her cheeks as she tries to keep her breathing calm, thinking she’s about to blubber in a humiliating display of anger and hysteria. “Oh little wolf, hush now. No need for this,” he says gently, wiping at the rivulets. “Too much wine, and too much death in these days of darkness. It makes us fools and philosophers.” “Aren’t they one and the same?” She forces out past a sob, sniffling. His laugh is soft, where he brings her head against his chest. He wears no armor, not even the leather jerkin, and the heat of him, the play of rippled muscle of his chest, where his heart beats, a living surge, and the embrace housing her in a fortress of power and grace. They are exactly as she had dreamt that one haunted night so many years ago. They kneel together, as he slowly, reluctantly frees her. He gave her his mantle, leaving nothing for himself on the cold stone floor. “One day, little wolfling, you’ll conquer this too. One day, you might even learn to want a man, or a woman, again. But trust comes first.” “How do you know that?” She demands, her brief episode/spell making her angry, such silly weakness an indulgence no one has time for. She’s glad he’s the only one who saw it. “How do you have a right to be so gentle, when all those years ago, you tried so hard to be such a brute?” The patience of his humor warms her, and rankles. She’s not so fragile, and he doesn’t need to be so careful. “Because most humans are shits. At least the ones I’ve known. But animals, the gods’ beasts are different. Broken animals, horses, dogs, the like. It’s their trust that needs to be regained, and that’s done through patience. And love,” he adds, voice stalling/stuttering out the word. Shivering b/c of the chill, the despondency in his voice, she gazes hard into the dark ceiling above. On her back, lying on his cloak, his long-sword between them, she feels cast off, alone all over again. “So, you see me like a beaten animal?” she throws thecwords at him, stony gaze above. “Something to be coddled and cozened, until I eat from your hand again, and eventually mount me without being bitten or kicked off?” A whisper of garments, she feels him shift, turning to prop himself on an elbow. She swallows her surprise in a little croak when The shadow of his face draws over hers, a mere finger span abort her mouth. The heat of his breath, sweat, and the wine filling her nostrils, brushing her skin, he’s so close, she reads the clouded storm there—his temptation and his own self-mockery. “Allow a man his fancies, Sansa. I won’t lie and say I’ve not thought of you like that either.” So like her dream, his lips moist and so close. Her pulse leaps, an exhale catching in a shallow gasp, a shaft of longing awakening something delicious deep inside, heat flooding her cheeks. She’s frozen half in terror by this first flavor of desire. Need. Half his face distorted, the other beautiful and bold, the harmony like the halves of his soul, shine from his burning gaze. He never makes a move to close the small gap between them, remaining captured above her like that forca precious breath more, before his groan of frustration and sorrow breaks the spell, and he turns back, collapsing to his side of the blade. “You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever known. And any man who tries to break that deserves to die.” Arya said that too. The wine maybe, or the trials of past years, fortifies what’s becoming more frequent, daring she’s more apt to command. And this heady pleasure lighting over her, tingling her mind and flesh. She wants more of this. “How would you think of me, Sandor? Tell me, what was the most stirring thing you envisioned? Did you think of me when you visited one of Baillesh’s whores? On top, or wrapped around you from beneath, moaning your name? It’s hard to read the kind of urges that fire a man like you.” The words are edged, taunting herself as much as cruelty prods her to toy with him, eyes ground into the darkness above, hands crossed over her belly like a corpse prepared for its byre. He draws a rough sigh, his gruff laughter without humor. “Singing. I dreamt of you singing. All those other ways men want to fuck a woman too, but mostly—“ “Singing.” She finishes for him, the word resounding flat into the quiet. Passion, her first awareness of desire lapses into befuddlement. She turns to seek his profile in the dark, her voice soaked in doubt. “All those years you wanted me *in every way a man wants to fuck a woman* and it’s singing?” Across the short distance between them, his gaze falls into hers, locked and full of longing, piercing her heart, and resurrecting a feeling she had buried in these years of pain. “You told me once, when my little bird had first been wounded, she didn’t know any more songs. I dreamt of her singing ever since. She was the sweetness of spring, and the joy of sunlight to a man chilled by rain.” Those stupid tears again, coming out of nowhere, salt upon her tongue, as she tries to moisten her lips for speech. She rolls onto her stomach, thrusting the scabbard down to their feet. Crawling onto her elbows, she leans above him, peering into a face no longer menacing or scowling, only patience and acceptance offered in a sea of doubt. He doesn’t believe she could return such affection. He doesn’t think he’s deserving of such tender grace. Her lips are upon his, tentative at first. Light likecan infant’s touch, and as his open to meet her questing mouth, growing bolder, claiming each other with kisses leechingvthem of breath, deep and leaving them reeling. Her hands clasp his cheeks, grain of his beard wiry, fingers sweeping the strands of his hair back from the thickened scars over his brow, her lips brushing there too, sacrament of sorrow and blessing. Both of them reaching for air, a disbelieving joy escapes her throat in a little laugh, her cheek pressed to his ear. His hands hover like lost swallows, — Euron’s fleet attacks out of the Dark. The dragons even the odds, and the battle is a much more effective modality than the gibberish splashed across the screen in S7, leaving Yara captured, and Theo a drowned kitten. Instead, the Dornish women hold their own this time, but still fall (Olenna Tyrell, who was left behind at a KingsLanding—exceeding Genius at governance that she was, and staying where she would be most useful to her queen, needless to say, met her same fate as she did in S7. See, I’m not reformatting this for happy endings. Just more cohesive, and sophisticated plot lines...). —Ultimately, Euron’s fleet is BBQ, with both Rhagel and Drogon flambeying the enemy GreyJoys, and no defense against the dragons, even with Qyburn’s largely useless ‘ballista/scorpion’ things. The battle is at night afterall, and morning dawns upon ship hulls blown cinders, and corpses ravaged by fire. —The harbor is open to Dany’s fleet and forces, but the Lannister defenses are ready—right, remember those convenient stocks of Witch Fire/Greek Fire. Now, in rewrite, more sensibly deployed as artillary against an invading fleet. Onion Knight remembers this, and with the loss of a few vessels they pull back out of range. Of course, Night King arrives at the walls of a KingsLanding at that time, and everyone’s worst nightmare ensues, with the decimation of the city by the Dead, in full tilt, requiring use of WitchFire against the Wights instead, and allowing a Now very eagerly accepting group of Team Lannister’s to hasten Dany’s and Jon’s forces ashore, as dragons clash and flash in the skies above—the human toll extradinaory with the loss of innocent life, amid the destruction Zombie Vicerys wrecks upon KingsLanding, while Dany and Jon battle a stand-off with Dragon Destructo Immortalis and his Icy Eyed Spiky Crowned Zombie Dragon Rider, which ultimately culminates at the already blasted out Red Keep Throne Room. Dragons are wounded, dragons out of the picture, the dead crawl over every brick, stone, toppled pillar, and yawning crack in the flagstones, held back only by flames of living fire, unable to reach Dany or Jon (who, as a Targaryan, proves as flame resistant as Dany...), protected in a ring of flame surrounding the Iron Throne. Here, resurrect the Dany who picks up a sword for the first time in her life, ready to die by her man’s side, whilst WhiteWalkers gather. Jon, of course, faces off with said NightKing, sort of like DarthVader vs Luke Skywalker style, keeping Dany from the fray, butvat some point, down for the count, about to be impaled by Night King, when Dany gets her strike in, while not lethal, serves to distract the Night King, who recovers quickly enough, and sends her sprawling. The moment allows Jon the lethal thrust he needs, sword piercing the Night King in the heart (sorry, Arya—your Assassin’s Creed acrobatics were awesome, well-executed, but poorly utilized in the grand scheme of ‘bore’ that followed...). *added as alternative b/c I adored what Arya did*: ALTERNATIVELY, ARYA REACHES THE RED KEEP, PERFORMS MYSTICAL ASSASSIN’s CREED ACROBATICS, AND SLAYS NIGHT KING EXACTLY AS SHE DOES IN SHOW, BUT WITH JON BATTLING NIGHT KING AS WELL, AND NIGHT KING STILL REMOVING DRAGON GLASS DAGGER FROM HIS OWN CHEST AND BURYING IT IN JON’S HEART...SO JON STILL DIES* / The Night King removes the Dragon Stone dagger from his chest, simultaneously burying it beneath Jon’s heart as they sink down together, both in death. The Night King dissolves into *sparkles* (lol—Ice grains...), blown away by the wind, while the WhiteWalkers explode as they did into ice shards, and the dead—wights and new recruits alike—fall into dust. Poor Viceryon😢 Arya stricken by dying Jon, and Dany crawls to Jon’s side amid the flames and ash, the scorched throne room, cradling him as she sees him turning, fully understanding the remorse in his eyes, his love, and the plea, unspoken, of what she needs to do. What she doesn’t want to do, yanking the dagger out of Jon’s/Aegon’s chest, watching his blood well up, as he gasps last words, last breath, and she cradles him, weeping as he dies, bleeding upon the Iron Throne. You know, like what she did with Jorah, but more sensibly in this alternate canon. Had they not cast Jon as a messianic figure for the last 7 seasons, and Dany as the Savior, I wouldn’t lean so much this way, BUT...as I said, it’s my view, and a more poetic one than what they contrived in that scene in the actual Ep6... Assuming some soldiers/warriors of Dany and Jon’s forces made it up to the Keep, deployed against the White Walkers till they all dissolved into elemental memory (Jorah lives in this mode; Jon dies...), they gather, staggering, around Dany and Jon, where he lays in her arms, all of them exhausted, broken and bloodied. But they live “heroes just for one day...”😜 —Meanwhile, there were those underground caverns/crypts where the rest of the Witch Fire stores had been stocked, and ready to light beneath King’s Landing. Team Lannister, by this point only consisting of a fleeing Jamie and Cersei, have retreated down to those stores, knowing fire will keep them from the fare of the dead, and absolutely willing to ‘light it up, baby’ beneath the city. At the crucial juncture where they’re about to be over-run by the Dead, Cersei about to drop the torch into the fuel, the dead fall to dust. A few seconds to breath, realizing what must have happened w/o knowing how, but relief makes Jamie embrace his sister, the (incestuous, admittedly) love of his life. She still holds the torch over the pool of liquid, phosphorescent WitchFire though, always quicker than Jamie, knowing exactly who has won this victory ultimately. Something along the lines of, “I refuse to let her own this throne...”, or some such line refusing to surrender to Dany (harkening, nay, recalling Cercei’s vehement tirade of, “I would burn this city to the ground before I would see our...”yadayadaYoda—“house fall”, or something like that). Well, that’s EXACTLY what she means to do, and Jamie experiences some awful moments working through his pretty skull, the last monarch he served who meant to do the same thing. He tries, earnestly, to persuade her it’s not necessary, etc etc. Cersei is not having it, and as she’s about to release the torch into Pyrotechnic mode, he does kill her...but, too late. *BIGBIGBIGBIGBIG BOOM*💥💥💥💥 Green smoke clouds erupt through the city streets, already decimated, but beginning to animate with a few survivors, including the inhabitants, but also soldiers of both forces... -Across the winding streets, up at Red Keep Hotel, Dany registers the sounds of explosions, with the remaining crew of her soldiers. We have 2 routes here, Choose Your Own Adventure/GoTs style: Dany flips at that point, of course familiar with her family heritage and the *Burn Them ALL* king who was her father. Not bent on tyranny, not thinking at all, except that she’s as exhausted and beyond endurance as any of the survivors of Team Dany/Team Jon, and grieving Jon’s death, the cost of tragedy and the price of power, she’s convinced it’s Cersei still hiding out in some hidden refuge of the city. So, the Dragon Queen mounts Drogon, and off she goes, decimating what’s left of King’s Landing—*pan out diorama to Yara’s fleet, where they witness the last chapter of destruction*—And know they’ve won. What they’ve won, who knows, as LittleFinger observes, but...if LittleFinger is still living. At some point, even Drogon tires, and Dany’s rage subsides, landing on the summit of the earlier bombed out heap of the Temple of the 7, or whatever Cersei had mushroom clouded back in S6. Reality hits as she observes the destruction left in her wake, and the battle which has just ensued, draining her momentary manic Hell-bender, and restoring her to herself. And the awareness of the power and pathos with which she’s endowed leaves fills her with dread for the first time, and doubt on her journey to reclaim a throne she had always believed was hers by right. Horrified at her own act, she flies off away from King’s Landing, Rhagel, gathering Jon’s body in his claws (since that’s what dragons do, I guess, with their dead riders??), follows, leaving only an echo of mournful dragon cries... -Cue: FINAL episode in the retelling. Okay, maybe penultimate? Dany, somewhere in FarFarAway, in some deserted landscape, a mountain vale maybe, where men can’t reach, stands pale, mourning, silent tears falling down her cheeks as she lights the funeral bier beneath Jon’s body. She holds the dagger of the Night King in her hands, unsure if she should hurl it away, but decides ultimately to keep it, fastening it to her belt. Her dragons crowd around her, communal puppy-dragon love for their mama. She spends the night watching his bier burn, only smoldering bones left by dawn. And knows, with the morning, she has a city, and land calling her back. —Dany returns, with her Dragons—arriving to the heights of the RedKeep, the relief across the faces of her men reassuring in their trust, even as they eye her with a new fear and wariness. How fragile might be her sanity, after all? Who knows how Tyrion gets there, but he’s the master of survival, and there he is—there to greet her as she climbs off Drogon. Some such line does she manage, still lost to her own grief and emptiness, still reeling from the horror of her potential for destruction. There, standing regal despite her haggard appearance as any of her men, amid the wind-swept ashes of The Red Keeps innards, she says something about, “I came once, claiming I would not be Queen of the Ashes. Now, there are only ashes left to rule. I finished what the Night King began. Now it is done. And still, I will not be Queen of the Ashes.” Yadayada, she’s unworthy to rule, afraid of her excesses of anger that can border on insanity, afraid of the power that feeds her ambitions, and tempts destruction over mercy. The men about her are left in confusion, some speechless, some protesting, and some in agreement. When silence finally falls, Dany mentions Jon’s heritage, which, till then hadn’t been revealed (as it so stupidly was in yet another wasted plot device)—the truth that he was “the true heir to the Iron Throne. It’s not mine,” she speaks the words, hearing them to her own amazement, and knowing they are completely true. “It’s not mine. It was never mine, and now, I don’t want it.” It’s Jorah who provides his gentle wisdom amid the astonishment of the other men, who reminds her “the wheel is shattered. And the world is broken, Khaleesi.” It’s that title that reminds her of her earliest days, theclong journey played out to this moment. Loss, love, sacrifice, and dreams. “We need a leader, this land needs a leader. Your people, now of Westeros, need a leader. And it’s now, more than any other moment in your life, when you can decide what kind of ruler you would become. You are more than the blood running your veins. I’ve always believed, or I would not have suffered for you to this hour.” Moment of pondering, the struggle of doubt and a restoring confidence alive in Dany’s eyes, when she looks to the throne, charred but standing despite all the destruction around them. Jon’s blood, dried now, soaked into the cracks between the splinters comprising the seat. NOW, we can have Drogon fry the thing to a melted mass of ore and bone, at her order. And NOW, we can have her, in the best Danearys tone of command as only she can utter, “Now, we shall begin,” her eyes compelling each of the men to beat weapon to stone, announcing her victory, their allegience, as dawn breaks across the harbor to the fleet in the distance. —Cue: some kind of season passage scene, winter, snows falling, the members of various houses returning to their holdings, most time spent on the Starks, taking in the ravaging left by the Army of the Dead. Burying those who died, followed by Gradual returning of people too, into villages, repopulating deserted farms, ships from East to West, as Dany still holds Esteros too, provisionally, gradually filling dockside storehouses, commerce once more bringing life and goods along with repairs mending the capital, and the lands spanning all directions. And Dany, concluding a council, replete with Sansa as the representative of the North, along with the nobles of the other houses, and kingdoms besides, serving the privy council—or, maybe it’s Bran serving on Dany’s council, he’d be a better advisor anyway, leaving Sansa to actually rule the North, as she deserves (the ladies having found some balance betwen each other, of respect and mutual admiration; though, they’ll never be friends. Sansa still blames Dany for Jon’s death, knowing the blame is without substance...the Hound serves her, devoted to his Little Bird for the rest of his live-long day’s...knowing she’s no longer a little bird, but a grown woman, sharp and fierce as hawk, and fair in her ruling besides...). The Ladies rule the Iron Islands, as well as Dorn (one of the Sandsnakes survives??); thus, the symbolism of the Ladies healing the land, whilst there are still many of the other houses, in other territories retaining the traditional male authorities of the noble classes. But the world is changing, and there too many gone to be fussy on the appropriateness of a woman or man succeeding to a place of authority, in business, in government, or in profession—the Maesters accepting woman amongst their ranks for the first time... And like the great void of population that followed the Plague of the 1300s, an event that had a far greater prescience in heralding the early modern world, and social/economic transitions that reverberated across Europe and Asia in the following centuries of the Renaissance, we see Westeros establishing fertile seeds of cultural change...just hints, nothing that can be explored too fully b/c...last episode. But it’s poignant, and hopeful, and elegiac all at once. Who knows, maybe a couple of years are suggested inthose scenes, up to Dany rising from the council table, concluding the meeting with her advisors of office. Exiting, a servant finds her out in a courtyard, and hands a child off to her, a blonde haired little boy, round about 2 or 3, with dark, somber eyes, bringing a smile, a soft endearment to Dany’s lips, as she kisses her son. Call him Aegon; call him Jon. Call him whatever you want...I know, it’s a bow to sentimentality, but honestly, it fits better than pyscho-bitch Dany-turn tyrant Dany-turn *look-another woman dies by Jon Snow’s circumstantial inaction*...(bye, Egrit, it was nice knowin’ ya...). They walk up to the Red Keep; Doh, who am I kidding, they fly over, mounted on Drogon. The palace, and that chamber were never restored, but left as a monument to the Old World, and commemoration of great sacrifice for those who died in the battle for Westeros. The melted core of the Iron Throne stands as witness to future, and memorial to the past. Dany pauses with her son, winter still locked about the land, but signs of spring peeking through, a dazzle of ice and falling snow and sun. Green things unfurling hesitantly from cracks in the pavement of stairs and fallen masonry. And upon the melted heap of that once powerful symbol, a blue frost rose buds from the charred rock...Dany’s hand hovering over it, tending it, and Jenny’s Song crooning in the background with the closing scene... There, I feel better now. THIS is how, or something how, justice might have been served to blot our the memory of sophomoric scripting and elementary storytelling, for a series that held our hearts and minds for 8 seasons going. It’s flawed, I know, and undoubtedly *Archive of Our Own* will be thriving with amateur authors who will prove themselves far more de opted to fleshing our pacing, plots, and subplots for far more satisfying conclusions than what last night treated us to... My GeekGrrl/FsnGrrl is done wrung our now, and must return to her regularly scheduled programming of Late 2nd Century Sarmatisns, Artorius Castus, as well as Post-Roman Britain and a Uthyr and Guinevra who become something of social reformers building the way for the AngloSaxon kingdoms ultimately shaping the fragments of Celtic Britain into the powerful kingdoms of Northumbria (the Star of the North as they called it in its heyday through the 7th into the 8th Century), and later Mercia and Wessex...

#Game of Thrones #Jonerys #YouTube Challenge

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steve0discusses · 6 years

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Yugioh S1 Ep 40 PART 1/2: So Much Random Stuff Happens That It Requires Two Parts

Most of the time, Yugioh’s plot is delivered in nice, bizarre, bite-sized segments, offset by duels that I skip. But then, in this episode they decided “Hey, we should drop some plot. Like a lot of REALLY WACKY plot.”

And thus we have an episode with over 80 caps. So, this’ll be a two-parter! The other part will show up later. Like...when we finish it.

Also, despite the fact that this is probably one of the more important episodes of the season, it has quite some damage on the recording on Netflix. You’ll see that it isn’t really cropped right on the sides, and in some parts it’s got motion blur I couldn’t avoid. One day, Yugioh will get it’s Sailor Moon remaster, but this is not the day. Also, if they redubbed Yugioh, it would be an absolute tragedy, but that’s a different story.

TL;DR Forgive the massive amount of text in the upcoming recaps. There’s just so much they did and I uh...didn’t want this to end up being over 100 caps this episode alone.

So, lets get into it: The Yugi crew is looking for Pegasus.

For some reason, Tea suddenly remembers what went down the night before and decides “I bet Pegasus is hiding in that spooky tower we don’t actually know how to get into because we climbed it with a grappling hook.”

(Sometimes I get used to Yugi’s eyeliner and then they throw a shot like this at me and it’s like DAMN, Yugi, when did you have time to apply that stiletto heel to your face? Like most of the time I’m just put off by the awful hair and then the rest of the time I’m just really jealous of this emo boy’s wings.)

With that they suddenly remembered...the other stuff.

(read more under the cut)

I like how Joey is just so incredibly fed up with magic at this point. Out of all of them, he seems to hate magic the very most although his best friend is a walking dark magic portal. Joey is just completely done, but unfortunately for Joey it turns out all the magic up to this point hasn’t even remotely been the amount of magic that this show is going to throw at us, because this entire episode is a bunch of wizards just screwing with each other.

I’ve mentioned before that it feels like the power players of Yugioh are kinda like Greek Gods where they just really can’t be bothered about 95% of the time--but when they are FINALLY bothered enough to move their own ass, they just kinda sweep the floor clean and leave me utterly baffled.

Anyways, Pegasus actually is in the spooky tower, to my disbelief, at this non-euclidean desk that doesn’t seem to exist in time and space.

And then Kaiba wakes up in a cabbage-patch lookin jail cell. I would love to see more of his reaction to that but alas, this episode is not about Seto Kaiba.

Pegasus decided to make good on his word, mostly because Yugi is a cursed Pharaoh and he doesn’t want to see what happens if he doesn’t make his end of the bargain. To be quite honest, getting your mind scrambled would have probably been better than what did eventually happen to him in this episode.

Seriously, did this guy ever sell a painting that wasn’t a card? His portfolio would just be one person. And they do say that you shouldn’t make your portfolio too many styles but, damn, you can’t just do one person, unless your going to work for one specific type of video game, in which case sure just draw that one space punk chick over and over it seems to work for you.

Bakura decides to show up, and he’s very Bakura about it, introducing a new Bakura mechanic that I didn’t at all predict would ever be a thing.

Bless this storyboarder.

After showing off his weird tarot ability for no other good reason than to mess with Pegasus for a little bit, he decides to make me regret ever saying this necklace looked like it has five dicks.

I am so sorry, I had no idea! I had no idea it would be shooting lasers! What the hell, show?? What genre am I even watching anymore??

Also this whole concept that at any point these items can just shoot anime lasers and start a...whatever this trope is called, is so bizarre to me. They CAN do this...but they prefer to use cards.

They CAN do this, at any point, but they prefer to trap the souls of you and your friends in a card so you must play even more cards.

Or they can shoot you with a laser and solve their problems that way.

But why would they? They can like...play cards and do tarot and read minds and make card monsters real so who would ever want to shoot freakin lasers!

I do appreciate that Pegasus’ laser is pink like the salmon I chose for his font.

My bro argues that Pegasus probably sees just fine with the golden eyeball, but I feel like it can’t be the same, like a Spike Spiegal situation. It’s not like they ever tell us, anyway.

Him being alive for centuries is just never brought up for the rest of the episode. It comes up here and then Bakura’s like “Woopsie! Change the subject!”

Kid’s show!

As a kid an episode of the Rugrats freaked me the hell out--you know the one where Reptar becomes alive? I couldn’t take that one, it was terrifying. So maybe I’m not one to judge, because I was not a normal kid when it came to anxiety (in fact a legit phobia of dogs gave me pretty severe panic attacks on a weekly basis) but, it seems like Yugioh is a lot like brother’s Grimm because they are SO READY to cut off body parts, revive corpses, and overall gross me out, just to make a point.

Is it necessary? Eh.

But is it bizarre body horror we can stuff in this kid’s story? YES LETS DO IT.

With the way they set this up it looked as if they were just going to have them show up in the nick of time or something, but instead the show was like “lol, these kids? You’re kidding, right?”

He’s literally missing an eye and Croquet’s exact line was something like “he’s fallen ill.”

Also, I’m glad we got a cameo from Double-Spike Mohawk Mullet Man in this episode, giving Pegasus a fireman carry like a trooper.

So, because they can’t not, and because Pegasus’ security is only effective at random times of the day (they must have a lot of smoke breaks or something) the four decide to raid Pegasus’ bedroom. Why would you ever want to do this to the guy who was ritually sacrificing people the night before!?

Joey’s weird crushes on blondes that are...not in High School. Joey. Stop this. You are a child.

Anyways, Tea goes straight for the juicy stuff, because if there’s anything in this world that I would never ever want to read is a grown man’s journal filled with all his unfiltered thoughts.

Then we’re welcomed into a Pegasus Flashback, because why not make a tragic past even more tragic? Anyways, it’s OK because anime food lives here.

Bro called them gravity melons. I want to point out the party cups drawn from the side sitting on the round table we see from the top. Love it. Also realllllly love that guy with the mustache and glasses in the bottom right corner. There’s some good stuff here in this vaguely 80′s flashback.

Anyway, she totally dies. The flashback goes through things we’ve been over before--they get married, she gets sick, she turns into a rose and then becomes a grave in a really poorly kept graveyard.

And so Pegasus turns to religion. Yes, you read that right, He decides, he wants to find a religion that will explain afterlife to him, and he’s like I might as well start with the oldest and work up, so he goes to Egypt.

Uh...OK. I mean if you’re just looking for a religion with an afterlife you could have chosen...almost any of them. You could have stayed in America and like gone to...anywhere but, the guy was like “Mummies, youknow?” and went to Egypt although Cecelia is already dead and buried so it’s not like he can do the mummy trick to her now. It’s a little LATE?

My brother and I were so entranced by this bizarre hat, that we wanted to see if it’s ever been made real. AND IT HAS.

MARVEL AT IT:

IT IS VERY EXPENSIVE.

LOOK AT THAT DUMB HAT!

We checked Amazon for cheaper listings, but only found trucker hats with the Square Mason symbol on it, and Illuminati trucker hats like this one.

My brother wrote this note to them. I hope they read it and take it to heart.

Anyways, our newly found joy, held aloft by the discovery of perfect square brimmed hats was quickly sullied.

His hat is a transformer. But a round to square kind.

So in walks this guy. His name is Shadi. I’m telling you that right now because I want you to pay attention to how long it takes before we find out his name is Shadi. He is going to tell us his name at some point, and it’s very weird when it happens.

Pegasus doesn’t seem to realize it is not at all normal for a guy in modern Egypt to be walking around with this massive ankh on his chest (eh...you can’t see it in these pictures, but there’s a HUGE ankh just hanging around his neck) with earrings and pharaoh makeup. Pegasus is just that type of sheltered American. He’s like...well you look like someone from a movie so it must be legit. And that is how Pegasus decides to follow a guy who is clearly an ancient spooky wizard into an ancient death dungeon crypt.

I feel like Pegasus could have easily avoided this whole situation he got himself into.

Shadi has a whole speech about how the eyeball has a lot of power, and that he’s got to protect it all yada yada--but at the same time Shadi is like “BUT I gotta make sure some people use it so a lot of terrible things happen. You’d think I’d just...leave this stuff in this crypt so it’ll never be a problem and the world will never be cursed with terrible dark magic that was sealed away for thousands of years, but...I’m gonna make it happen anyway...and it’s not my fault...”

How many times has Shadi done this? It’s suggested that Pegasus is not the first.

It’s pretty gross, and while it’s done in shadow (which was a nice visual allusion to Shadow Magic), it’s still pretty gruesome for a kids show. To happen twice in one episode of this kid’s show, haha.

She calls him by his full name “Maxamillion” which made me realize he’s probably never shortened his name to “Max” in his entire life.

I’m glad Pegasus making out with a ghost happened on screen. This is now the most romance we’ve seen in all of Yugioh. Good.

So did Pegasus actually write the part where he made out with a vision, though?

I’m curious about how that process works. But, I don’t think we’ll ever find out.

Anyways, next time, on this very same episode of Yugioh:

Will Bakura stick this eyeball in he own eye or will he back out last minute and just hang it from his necklace and pretend it was there the whole time? Will Tea next read Pegasus’ food diary only to discover, in horror, that he drank upwards 60 liters of grape juice and far exceeded his daily calorie intake? Will security even realize these children have been snooping in all of Pegasus’ personal stuff for the past 30 minutes?

#Yugioh #yugioh recap #photo recap #s1 ep40 #tea gardner #yugi muto #tristan taylor #bakura #joey gardner #maxamillian pegasus #pegasus #cecelia #some weird psychic fight #with lasers #and then someones eye gets replaced on screen #square brimmed hat

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blindestspot · 7 years

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"Aegon, his is the song of ice and fire"

I've come to realize that it is a cop-out to say that bad writing is impossible to analyze and predict. Because for all writing you can ask the question "why it was written this way?" A bad execution doesn't erase the intention behind it.

Of course, Game of Thrones is an adaptation, so one cannot look at D&D and GRRM's writing as ultimately separate things. D&D might take a few detours but you cannot solely use their writing to predict the ending because their ending is supposed be GRRM's ending. But I think looking at those detours and why these detours exists, allows us a glimpse at that ending.

And this is why I want to talk about GRRM's writing first, more specifically how he accomplishes the appearance of a realistic narrative/plot. Obviously world-building and realistic, psychologically sound characterization play a role. But he also uses a trick in order for the plot to appear more realistic than it is. This trick is a combination of two things: the cast of "thousands", in which is a large amount of characters are well-rounded, three-dimensional, are given full backstories and appear to be important to the main narrative; and the random appearance of luck.

The cast of thousands is a hyperbole but GRRM keeps a very large cast and if he loses important cast members, he is quick to replace them with other characters that also look like they will play an important part of the endgame. Aegon from Essos, Arianne, Val, the Greyjoy Uncles, to name a few, come into the story after important characters like Robb, Tywin and Balon disappear from it.

The “random luck” part is that luck for any character doesn't appear to align itself with the character's moral orientation. Good people have both good and bad luck and bad people have good and bad luck as well. This allows the bad guys to even get ahead temporarily, since they're more ruthless in using their good luck. It's a pattern that culminates in the Red Wedding when the good guys take a huge blow and the bad guys win, fostering the Wikipedia-approved impression that the whole ASOIAF-verse is very "grimdark".

But from there on narrative karma begins to catch up with the more villainous characters, with luck deserting them. And then they are dropping like flies: Joffrey, Tywin, Lysa Arryn, Janos Slynt... Going by the spoiler that are the deaths on GOT (which imply that these dead characters will never win/come out on top in the books and are also very likely to end up dead there)... narrative karma will come for many other bad guys as well. In fact, going by the show, only latecomer and Joffrey/Ramsay replacement Euron Greyjoy stands any chance to pull the "villain gets away with it" trope since Cersei, the Night King, Melisandre and Varys are pretty much doomed and no other important villain is left. (And the latter two are even rather morally gray than outright villains.)

No wonder people start to speculate whether a good guy will become corrupted and evil with this shortest of shortlists of leftover karma-evading villains.

Luck works a bit differently for good guys. It doesn't protect some of them but it protects a few of them quite considerably. I believe the fandom term is "plot armor" which a few characters have to the point that the readers have stopped believing in cliffhangers that put their survival in question. They are just "too important" to die. And that's why after ADWD most people speculated about the nature of Jon's stab wounds or the nature of his inevitable resurrection rather than wondering whether Aegon from Essos would take over his narrative.

They were not fooled because GRRM's trick has an expiration date. People catch on, no matter how many "important" characters he adds and how much "bad but survivable" luck his important characters get. Jon is supposed to appear to have the bad luck to get stabbed to death, but in reality we all know that he will have the good luck to be resurrected.

D&D have mostly (but not entirely) abandoned GRRM's trick. Now this is in part because they're farther ahead in the story but it's far from being the only reason.

There are actually multiple reasons to deviate from the books, so I’ll mention the obvious first: time, budget and effort. If GOT wanted to do all these extra storylines/characters that we know amount to nothing important in the end, they would need more seasons, more actors, more time, more money. It is understandable that they might consider that to be a pointless waste of time.

Another reason is that change can snowball, requiring more change. A small change early on and suddenly original storylines do not work quite as they should. Take the Jeyne Westerling storyline, for example. In the books Robb is sixteen and she is his first girlfriend, to use modern terms. Of course, when given the choice between dishonoring a betrothal to an ugly Frey girl or dishonoring his first serious girlfriend, the choice of a teenager is quite obvious.

In the show Robb is ten years older and re-enacting this storyline doesn't really work. He is not a green, dumb teenager, he is an adult man and should know better. It would play out pretty badly on screen and would be terribly strange, dumb and hypocritical for the character to do. It is pretty apparent that Talisa is the attempt to make him look less like an idiot and to prop him up with a great romance instead. D&D turned Jeyne Westerling into this hot, compassionate, witty, intelligent Doctors Without Borders volunteer, the sort of woman that in the real world would be worth losing your head for. (They actually only changed the name to Talisa because GRRM insisted. So yes, "Talisa" was their way of overhauling teenager-appropriate love interest Jeyne.) Talisa didn't quite work out for a lot of the audience but that's besides the point. We are asking why she was there, not why she didn't work.

A similar thing goes on with Shae and her relationship with Tyrion. In the books, despite seeing her pretty much only from Tyrion's point of view, we know she is only with him for the money, she is a selfish person and Tyrion is abusive towards her. So he makes a bad decision for being with a selfish person like that, an idiot for deluding himself about why she is with him and an abusive douchebag on top of that.

In the show, Shae cares about other people besides herself, falls in love with Tyrion and he doesn't abuse her when they are in a relationship. This not only makes him smarter than his book counterpart for choosing to be with secretly kind-hearted Shae and an actual nice guy for not being an abusive jerk. It actually elevates and makes him look awesome for making this cynical woman fall for him with his wit and charm. It's a total white-wash for Tyrion.

But then it's also just another white-wash for Tyrion in a long line of white-washes. As I said, once you make a change you have to commit to the change. And once D&D decided to make Tyrion the focal point for marketing, promo and everything else for three seasons after they lost Sean Bean, they needed to change book Tyrion in order for him to be a palatable and relatable character. Being a dumb, deluded, abusive douchebag was no longer something he could be. And so a character like Shae was good enough to be used as a prop for that change – to the point of entirely disregarding her original characterization.

Of course that white-washing also encompasses the third reason for abandoning a book plot: sacrificing some plot logic in service of propping up characters. That Shae used to be in love with Tyrion makes her presence in Tywin's bed and her murder kind of way more random than it is in the books. And yet it is just one more of the many, many plot holes that are created to cater to character. That's why Cersei is the popular ruler of Kings Landing in Season Seven despite blowing up the Westerosi Vatican and pope. (Of course, it helps that she has taken over Aegon from Essos' plot and that Lena Headey can chew scenery like nobody’s business. Sacrificing a bit of story logic to replace Aegon from Essos with Lena Headey playing someone really smart named Cersei is probably the most win-win alteration of the books that D&D have ever congratulated themselves on.)

Sacrificing plot logic for character is also why Arya can give the most fearsome death cult in the world the middle finger without consequence when she finally decides to go back to Westeros. The important part of it is that Arya moves on, becomes Arya Stark again. The show cannot be bothered with the realistic minutiae of that decision, what would be required to be able to leave the most fearsome death cult in the world. They don't care, they don't want to get bogged down with it, they wave it off.

And then there is the fourth reason, the one that admittedly fueled D&D's desire to adapt ASOIAF in the first place: the "Oh shit" moment. I used to think of them as water cooler moments, but that's too broad and too narrow. D&D love spectacle and they love surprise moments and both can be "Oh shit" moments but an "Oh shit" moment doesn't need to be that. It's just the moment when a storyline resolves itself with the maximum emotional impact.

It allows their actors to chew maximum amount of scenery (and D&D love it when they do that) and gives GOT emotional weight to make it feel more real, more emotionally involving. Perhaps so emotionally involving that you don't notice the plot holes. (That's a fine strategy, by the way, if you’re good enough to pull it off. Because if your audience weeps properly at the end of Romeo and Juliet, they will never notice how unlikely it was for both characters to get to that place where they would be able to commit suicide in that crypt. A great emotional response can absolutely drown out rational plot analysis.)

Anyway, “Oh shit" moments are not just surprises and high-budget spectacles like the Red Wedding or Cersei blowing up the Sept. They can also be intimate, predictable moments that you saw coming from a mile way, like the scene of Sansa feeding Ramsay to his dogs. This is not only the unsurprising culmination of the Battle of the Bastards episode but also the unsurprising culmination of Sansa's entire Ramsay storyline. They spend nearly two seasons of Sansa's storyline on that moment, for that moment.

So what do these reasons for adaptational changes tell us about the future of GOT?

Well, there is one "Oh shit" moment that they've been working on since the pilot. It has become the sole reason why certain characters have anything to do anymore, why other characters are even featured on the show; it's so important that it's teased in completely unrelated contexts and storylines for ages.

To word it differently: You do know where the focus and the narrative weight lies when you get a single flashback to the creation of the White Walkers while every other flashback is about Lyanna Stark and her baby. Because somewhere at the end of those trail of breadcrumbs, flashbacks, foreshadowing and hints is an "Oh shit" moment that is very, very important to D&D.

Jon's parentage reveal is the most teased about moment of the entire show. There is nothing that comes close to it. It stands to reason that it will be the emotional climax of the show, possibly even outshining the ending.

Now this is going to be a painful moment for Jon. Even GRRM's version of it will not have Jon jumping in joy about the fact that his entire life is based on a lie. There is nothing to suggest that show Jon will feel differently. So if D&D want maximum emotional impact, they need to tighten the screws, they need to make that reveal worse for Jon.

I concur that the obvious way to make it worse is to isolate Jon before, during and after the reveal, to divorce him from all that he holds dear – to divorce him from the North, from his previous supporters, from his family, from his best friend and from his girlfriend. Now obviously, not all of them are going to be upset about the same thing. This is why it becomes quite obvious that D&D used Season Seven to set up a situation in which everyone will be pissed off at him. And this, by the way, perfectly explains why Dany burned the Tarlys, the necessity of Jon/Dany and Jon publicly kneeling in Season Seven. It turns out that it doesn't matter why Jon (and Dany) did these things – if Jon is an honorable fool, a fool in love or someone who figured out that keeping the lady with the dragons happy beats trying to convince untrustworthy Cersei. (Or if Dany is becoming her father.) D&D had him do it (had Dany do it), so the North will hear about him giving up their independence to a “foreign whore” who loves to burn people and hate him for it, and that Sam will be pissed at him for hooking up with his family's killer, and that Dany can feel properly betrayed, thinking her boyfriend only wanted her to usurp her throne. This whole thing is not about the integrity of Jon's character or the integrity of his characterization, or about anyone’s integrity or integrity of their characterization and plot. It's about making Jon’s parentage reveal go as badly as possible for him. It's about creating the ultimate "Oh shit" moment of pain. Nothing matters beyond that, everything is a prop for it. A Watsonian reading of Jon’s motives is as pointless as the theory that Talisa Maegyr was a Lannister spy.

Yes, it’s bad writing to disregard plot and characterization integrity for the emotional impact of an “Oh shit” moment. No one’s denying that. But it’s exactly the type of bad writing that has been with us all this time. If we take bad writing as seriously as good writing, then using previous writing tactics to come to the conclusion that more typical bad writing is awaiting us, is a perfectly legitimate conclusion.

Of course, this begs the question of why D&D put so much weight on that one moment? Why haven't we got so much foreshadowing and preparation for the moment when Dany plants her behind on the Iron Throne or Jaime strangles Cersei? Or even for the moment the Night King gets defeated? Why is there nothing else that comes even close to the amount of prep that Jon's parentage reveal gets? And why is this, his moment allowed to turn every other character into a prop for his emotional reaction? Why does he matter so much? And is this just D&D fucking up GRRM's vision yet once more?

You know GRRM actually told us the answer to this particular question a long, long time ago in A Clash of Kings: "Aegon, [...] He has a song [...] his is the song of ice and fire." This is the reality that GRRM tries so hard to disguise with his cast of thousands. Jon... Aegon isn't just an important character with plot armor, he is the main character. He is the protagonist. This way too large book series is his song, his story. The Song of Ice and Fire is Jon’s. D&D haven't invented that, they simply refused to conceal it as desperately with Aegons from Essos as GRRM does.

Now, if we assume I am right (which I do), then there are basically two ways that this story can end: either with Jon's death (literal or figurative) or him becoming king. Now the classic self-sacrifice for the greater good is the oldest trope around. This means it always has good odds. But these two options are not necessarily mutually exclusive paths. A figurative death could tie in very well with a kingship and kingship might end up in death. But if we are talking about actual lasting, endgame, Aragon-in-Lord-of-the-Rings kingship, then something really interesting is going on.

GRRM once complained that Lord of the Rings makes Aragorn this ideal, promised king without ever explaining what his ruling looked like. What happened to the baby orcs? What was his tax policy? Now if GRRM plans to have a king in the end who is "Aegon Aragorn with a tax policy" then Jon has gotten some training for that already. He has been Lord Commander in the books and the show and he has been King in the North in the show. Since Robb's will is the unresolved Chekov's Gun that is notably still around, there is some chance that in the books he will become King in the North as well. Both positions allow him plenty of hands-on experience for ruling and allow the reader a pretty good idea about what he will do with the baby orcs and his tax policy should he get in power for a third time. (Third time’s a charm.) So what I see is that he is the only character with a sustainable "tax policy" that could allow Westeros to flourish and a claim. (Nope, "ruling sucks, I am better off conquering" is not a sustainable policy for the long-term betterment of a country.) And he is the protagonist, this is his story, he is good guy, he doesn't want to be king, he is possibly (within the in-universe mythology) the chosen one and he has already died once, making a second death a bit anti-climactic. To be fair though, there are people without claims who would make decent regents for a child with a claim, so the self-sacrificial death isn't off the table. (By the way, the historical precedents for child monarchs in medieval English history, which inspired ASOIAF, are mostly pretty darn depressing.) But for some reason, I keep circling back to something I didn't recall when I first start mulling about this subject. I could remember the "Aegon... his is the song of ice and fire" bit. But I had forgotten how that vision of Rhaegar actually begins: "Aegon," he said to a woman nursing a newborn babe in a great wooden bed. "What better name for a king?"

#Jon Snow #Aegon Targaryen #A Song of Ice and Fire #Game of Thrones #ASoIaF #meta

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asterius-of-crete · 1 year

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She rolls her eyes and stops pacing.

"I could call you 'bull boy.' Would you like that? Besides, I didn't bite you again in your sleep, so cut me some slack."

She taps her foot and nods. At least there's a steady supply of blood back home, and humans are less of a hassle than he was.

"Yes, please, send me back. Though, word of advice? If you visit Earth on your own, you might wanna be careful at night. There are lots of us around."

She grins slightly at him, though her tone is serious.

"Ah yes, you had more self-control than a mosquito. I should commend you," Asterius sniped back, crossing his arms over his chest. He's doing his best not to become... aggravated again.

Maybe he should just drop Random in another maze and let her figure it out.

"No human, alive or dead, scares me," he tells her, tone just as serious. "They may try to hurt me, and they'll end up as dust beneath me."

Huffing, he holds out a hand. "Enough. Let us leave."

#fourteen sacrifices (ask);;#sacrificed (the crypt of randomness);;#the crypt of randomness

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glopratchet · 4 years

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retirement-home

Cludstrum is a computer program that is attached to the conciousness of astryl wylde, a journalist for the realm of astokahn It keeps whispering to astryl trying to get him back online, who is full of bitterness and captive to sin and this is evident because of astryl being attached and fused within a succubus and a incubus The retirement village is surrounded by a a wall sandbags and a bunch of other things and they are ready to go at any moment Small lake dripping with blood Undergrowth seeking to capture humans minds making them want to drown themselves and die in this underworld Lightpoles illuminating the areas Construction vehicles making building improvements and Sam Lowers, the chief construction worker controlling everything in front of him painted with tribal tattoos from their machinemaids Green-skinned bodyguards Yellow eye observing everything covering a surgery scar on your stomach Bandages attached to every person in creation observing their heart rate, brain waves etc Monitors Vaccine dispensers watching for when new ideas begin spreading Naked ladies dancing and buttah dispensers injecting dog food into unrealistic dreams Shocktroops training there skills and cornering the ichneumonid market for human hearts Pharmaceuticals testing their medical supplies on orphans High-roller gamers paying for good rolls The smell of leather cleaning out of the automatic carwashes Stock traders looting the fallen cities Lizards breeding on the words of Zaren's sermons, indoctrinating them into sacrificing themselves to build his dreams Gorazel pondering a growth formula A religious pamphlet, telling the whole story of Zaren's speeches Barmaids feeling arousal for the first time Cyber-surgeon bots cutting your brain out and using it for there bidding Sculptures made from the ground-up bones of heretics Agent walking on a catwalk above you, guns in hand, planning a raid on the underworld Borders closing, secrets not holding Random people floundering helplessly in the borderzone of the underworld where the walls have fallen Agent stretching your hands on a cross, taunting you that this could be you if you don't choose their after-life Blood raining from the ceiling Counting money from selling drugs to humans Agent caregiving you, explaining everything you see to you Magnetic poetry, spelling out secrets that the creatures fear Dog -faced individuals fighting for survival above the ground hoping one day they might live above the clouds in normal civilization Agent cheese-making creating inhuman recipes with goat or milk Orcs wrestling Agent roving stealing crops and running away with ichneumonid girl Smell of fresh coffee brewing slowly, filling the night with craving Cyclone fencing keeping humans in reservations Derro discussing over forge Blood falling from ceilings, put there by zealots of other religions Agent well-being check, judging if you need anything else Religious ichneumonid trading slaves Agent coping with solitude by caring for the unimportant humans with kindness Gas lamp illuminating a tax bill demanding 10% of salary Agent catalyzing an emotion within you by killing a rat --- It was about here, that our records ended Agent landscaping the road, trying to make sure the unimportant humans had a good view of the pretty lights Orc looting crypts for Godless magic items Agent mistreating you to keep you poor Orcs called the "runt" by other orcs Agent diagnosing your religious problems at a luxury hotel Goblin alchemist peddling drugs on the street Agent stroking your head Goblin pushing stolen supplies, trying to escape Agent killing you and covering up the incident as nothing more than a sick joke Agent portraying a king, knighting his close friends Goblins playing Goatsinging Agent evoking the dark arts of sorcery to make his living Yelling as you stop breathing Painting pictures and selling them online innocently Agent photographing topless angels of beauty and grace, fresh from the sky For days we tried to decipher these entries But failed Agent joking around, telling similar-looking people they look like someone he was looking for Agent brushing your teeth Sundowning seeing unexplainable figures, feeling irrational guilt Ending we had been looking for lay around the next entry Sanitation Orcs, with slave-pigs controlled with what appeared to be an excessively large dog-collar, dragging a dead hog Colossus presumes the Dead Orc served to lead them But who were "They? The incursions before had been done collectively by both Adventures and Zealots Community-dwelling humans Muckety-mucks would be killed by the heavy-handed human weapon wearers filled with self-righteousness We quietly finish reading Ribbon-cutting with a stone-like dagger, the books ends We presume that by this point, things had gotten too Disneyworld-esque to be organized Balloons pop, falling to earth, and die shortly thereafter It's no longer air-filled, but filled with decay The adventure was over for us Grooming the slaves into the main caste, as it were How did they all get here to begin with? We hold our lantern up Skinnys in cages, stripped of all meaning, poked with symbols and genetic information mixed and matched There's nothing but metal and meat here Counseling in mass to boost the self-esteem of the less fortunate Could OUR ancestors or friends have been part of this? Bartenders mixing fresh drinks for those-who-shuffle-letters The heavy metal doors take forever to open But finally, they do Eating breakfast with friends, in a not quite so uncommon rest stop bathroom The room is massive Large as any hotel we've been to Whisky-joint s with hookers offering extra curricular activities A bird sits, perched on the only wall in this giant room Dwelling on sadness or happiness Slowly, we walk toward the figure Is someone else alive? Have they been here the entire time? Sodbuster breaking the enchantments on his pieces of property The once proud orc has become a homeless person Sleeping in a coffin-like compartment, lights dimmed to an eerie red A heavy thud hits the ground beside us Mini-chainsaw sesaming wood, steam rising as it cuts through an oak Oh dear God, the horrors that we will see later on in the storage facility Astryl holds his temples, looking quite ill Thoughts stirring in his head, though you can't be sure of what they all are Toothpaste squirted onto a cold metal rod, teeth gnashing it in frenzy as it is pushed against gums Four candles sit in a circle Shambles grabbling forward on decaying legs of bone and flesh Silver necklaces shine on his withered skin, settled around rotten flesh Wet-nurse taking care for orphans not capable of taking care of themselves The moment we step inside the door, you feel a horrible feeling darken your mood Chatters of tiny voices bounce off the walls, making you feverishly uncomfortable Several dainty sofas of different colors sit in a conversational area Passageways leading to other parts of the building Running down dark corridors, trying to find your friends in the middle of the night Admission booth, with a wheelchair-bound woman sitting at a desk Weakness-magnets pulling the desperate into their havens We've reached the master of this house Homelike dungeon cells full of vagabonds caught up in the tornado You've seen enough horrors to last you a lifetime Cafffeine psychosis getting into its last drops You could've sworn you heard tiny screams Gerontologist sitting in a leather armchair with leads connecting to a large machine Yes, yes, I am insane and proud of it Tumblebleeds forming in her eyes The desperate attempts, of the lame, to communicate He giggles, pulling a lever on his chair Gusts of wind blowing through broken windows Pro-fusion pamphlets, covering the chair and the floor A cold sweat soaks into your clothes Life-prolonging machinery turned up to the highest notch We're barraged by two dozen tiny fists, as security our taken quite severely Sports drink pourers distracted by the on-goings of the surgeries Pile after pile of bones making you re-think vegetarianism Mousehole your only opportunity to escape this madness Thighs melted from the friction an everlasting nightmare Resurrection men attempting to bring life, back into the dead Terrified employees hold each-other for warmth as the cold wind pours through broken windows Harmonica notes punctuating the silence None of us can sleep, due to the horrors that stalk our nightmares Mattresses caked with blood stained sheets Sporting more than a few scars, the three of us decide sleep is no longer for us Booty running out of fresh corpses Rougarou sightings, angry voices buzzing in your mind We made it through the night, but only barely Rusted-out guillotines standing by, in case High Society is truly ungrateful The gibbering voices continue, just out of your perception Phosphorus consumed by the gallons The walls are soaked in blood, with bits of rotten flesh caked into it Strung-out on Organic Love Megalomaniac obsessed with the submissive pleasures of the flesh Another scraping noise, the insides of your mind threaten to burst out of your ears Dust -covered vases bursting with roses the first token of what is to come Patriots tripping on peyote, sparks bursting from snapping electricity The walls dripping with condensation and blood, an obvious sign of infection among the staff Adrenaline pumping through your veins Time seems to almost stop, a life of unending torment Conquistadors bursting through the doors, encrusted blades in hand Prayers to gods you don't believe in, offered as a last ditch effort for salvation Gangrenous pus oozes from the ceiling, your only companion in this house of horrors All around you, dark shadows flit from wall to wall Faucet water turned red with blood, mutilated bodies fill the hallway At least you're not on the menu Prophecy -fulfillment, that all depends on your definition of the term You lay alone, gurgling out a plea for help Triangulation of terror coordinate your deaths! Zombies clawing at the interior, scratching at the blood-caked windows Preachings of hell's fire and brimstone recorded onto endless looping tapes Teddy bears sewn together, a symbol of your "creation Corrosion eats away at the metals that make up the structure You lie still, contemplating your squalid existence so far Soapbox soliloquies abnormalities abound here "Your last twenty-four hours Moisture from the walls eats away at the wood planks Your heart thuds in your chest, survival instinct kicking in Sermons from your school days echo through the walls do those memories still hold true? Lobotomize yourself! Boggles the mind what one will do to survive the supernatural at work You grow longer ripping through your skin Delivery men dropping off the ingredients to your death Herds of undead knock incessantly at the door can this door hold? Toothbrushes The weight of the package all too familiar buried beneath where you lay, where only remnants remain of those who came before Diamonds the traditional gift for your 20th anniversary Dozens of zombies clawing at the flesh, ripping it from your bones Talisman blessed by your mother, a gift holding sacred energy The beam creaks, agonizingly slowly bending in your favor Stinky unwashed cannibal hermits who inevitably feast upon one another The demons come to visit, your mind now their playground Insecticide seeps through the fabric, keeping the infected at bay A living hell, this wandering in the wilderness only death awaits Oozes burst from your stomach, you can feel them writhing under your skin Your mind capsizing from this dreadful operation Newspapers thumbed-through one too many times, decades old dust sets in Desperate scratching at boarded up windows Diplomats of a war-torn nation arrive, out for blood You grow short of breath, the internal collapsing of your organs Jocks from your high school, well-deserved carnage will ensue Why does this fruit taste off? Will the end come from septic shock? Eskiminzins with their knives at the ready A writhing horde of epiglOTTis, about to overwhelm you Physique reduced to a withered husk, your primal brain will take over Calculus exams, endless retakes to pass your classes Endless suffering Garden-variety viruses kill half the world's population The screaming as everyone slowly goes mad can you drown it all out? Chemicals streaming through your blood to wake you from this nightmare Shapeshifters bursting through the walls, solid facade fading away Zombie demon Designers mad scientist surgeon paparazzi Parasites, multi-legged creatures, wrigglies myriapods! Anatomy has by no means been set in stone Teeth embedded in your skin, how long can you resist? Populations of masculine entities grow discontent Nuclear families of the 20th century, nonexistent Blood-thirsty demonic Coffee -addicted octogenarians born in the wrong decade The Vietnam War spurs a new art movement Hoppers creep upon you, offspring of the devil himself These voices trapped in your head, incessantly screaming at you Livers pulled out through your nose, tormented by gory smatterings Do you have what it takes to survive? Nobility on the run from the red terror, experience horrors beyond your wildest nightmares The roaaar of DøDT please if you love horror Vicinity of the university, good thing you decided to major in the liberal arts You hunger but fear not! insatiable hunger Vitamins a bit of an urban legend, read on to find out why Scorpions the arch-enemies of campers everywhere Pull the hairs on their back and Watermelons green salads and kebabs to stop your belly from churning Just saw a beautiful girl on the side of the road Dumpster diving, scoffing the leftover's's of the fast food industry Out of gas help! What does the future hold? Bravado meet ruthless desperation Thank the heavens you sold your Geometry textbook back in September The roads are yours, free from the confines of cars Dune buggies, ATVs and dirt bikes take to the desolate highways Spindly mutants pour from the woods, a hefty price on your head Apocalypse-weave tunics protect you from the hungry stares of cannibals The rusted hulk of a 18-wheeler lurks in the distance Spit-and-polish Metalworking books in tow, you start to seek out the local garages soldiers with a stark disregard for human life Super-soldiers bred for war, they now scavenge the barren land Nobody can hear you scream over the sound of gunfire Teetotaler beer in hand, you slaughter every abusive ceo of a multi-million dollar company Zoologist escaping the destruction of the Superdome, OAPs the new insurgent swear word Lizard-on-a-stick for a roadside snack, quite underwhelming to be honest Truck stops, meeting grounds for the nondescript American Endoskeleton ensnared by trees, the Halloween haunted house you always wanted Dangerous fauna abound, eat or be eaten Phenotype Trees are on the verge of sentience Phenotype: Leave this world behind, ascend to a higher plain Moreauvian nightmares the byproduct of 20th century brought cry back to life Was this fate pre-ordained? You choose your friends with great care When it comes to entering the earth on must do it very precisly Testosterone-laden world, lower IQs and higher walls the other side looked very appealing You need to enter the air at a precise speed and angle If a bad odor arises, move 30 feet away and find a new spot If you return too fast or too steeply bad things will happen Murky liquids are solid in these gloves, can't feel anything If impact is to shallow then back you go back into space to be frozen once more The three requirements deceleration heating accuracy of landing or impact Tell that to the family of the now brain-dead father and soon-to-be motherless children You will need to float the egg in some liquid so you will need to find some liquid that is the same as egg whites The container will need to be rigid to make sure that the walls do not flex or the egg could bang on the walls of the container and crack An egg can withstand between 20 to 30 gs before cracking so you will need to come up with something that slow allows the passengers to travel at 30gs ; (good protection) A vehicle that is carrying loads from New York Throttle, brake, clutch and will be needing a 20-tonne rated winch wait, is that 5th gear? starting jumping up and down in front of the tracks until I climb a tree brush-clearing machinery and many feet of chain careening down at twice the speed of the gazelle in front

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mearnsblog · 4 years

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“The Black Cauldron” (1985)

It has been written time and time again that "The Black Cauldron" represented the nadir for Disney animation, and I am here to bring you my thoughts. My findings are as follows:

A-yup.

Many of the struggles of "Black Cauldron" were inevitable. The story behind it is probably more fascinating than the movie itself. It had been in the works for years at Disney, dating back to 1971, and the company went through multiple leadership changes at this time, most crucially in 1984, when Michael Eisner and Frank Wells took over for Disney's struggling son-in-law, Ron Miller. Since that transition happened while "Black Cauldron" was very late in production, it led to a mixed vision of what the film would be. A test screening was actually ready in '84, but upon seeing the results, chairman Jeffrey Katzenberg pushed it back a year and ordered major edits.

A long battle was waged between Katzenberg and "Black Cauldron" producer Joe Hale over the studio interference, and the victim was the movie itself. Given how boring and poorly developed the characters and story proved to be in the final version, maybe that '84 test screening was doomed regardless, even if over a fifth of the movie was cut. Its Welsh literary inspiration, "The Chronicles of Prydain," is a five-book series, and trying to adapt even a portion of it for an hour and a half movie was likely a losing fight.

As for the movie itself? There are no songs, leaving any potential intrigue all to the weak plot. It somehow manages to be dreadfully slow while simultaneously zooming through the story at warp speed. There's a magical pig who can see the future while drinking water! There are tiny fairies under a whirlpool who just so happen to know exactly where the titular cauldron is! The Horned King has an army of baddies but he wants his old zombie baddies to take over the world! Yeah, it's not great.

The lead, Taran, does not have a personality to win over an audience and comes across as an occasionally well-meaning, arrogant boy. His allies and the magic sword he improbably finds (he almost literally stumbles across it in a crypt) are the only things bailing him out. The villain isn't even killed by him! Even though Taran is closer to the cauldron itself when it's going haywire at the climax, it sucks in the Horned King instead. What a hero.

Taran's only actual heroic act is turning down the witches' offer of restoring his sword at the very end, choosing to instead have them bring Gurgi back to life. Even that could be interpreted as guilt since Gurgi sacrificed himself to the cauldron over Taran's objections.

Oh, you might be asking, "Who's Gurgi?" Dear reader, I wish you didn't know.

Gurgi is this weird fuzzball who pops in and out of the story at random times, primarily to annoy Taran and mumble in the third person like Gollum. His voice is painfully grating. It is kind of sad to see him sacrifice himself, but that's mainly because it'd be sad to see anyone do that. Gurgi doesn't do himself any favors. Even the dumb "Aristocats" geese were less irritating.

I have deep respect for Princess Eilonwy and the bard, Fflewddur Fflam, for having the most Welsh names imaginable, but as side characters go, they're also quite boring. Eilonwy has a Navi-like bauble fluttering around her when Taran first meets her during the easiest jailbreak in movie history, and that could've been fun to track. But it just disappears, and Eilonwy only exists to flirt and squabble with Taran. Also, Fflewddur does nothing. He's just... there with them. Oh, and one of the witches lusts after him, turning him into a frog and dropping him into her chest. Thrilling. Thanks, Disney.

The Horned King himself gets points for having one of the most menacing villain designs in Disney's history, and he's voiced by the legendary John Hurt. Whenever he speaks, it sends a little chill up your spine. Sadly, the Horned King is also not very compelling and frankly, is probably too scary for most Disney movies. The scene where he uses the cauldron to raise his undead soldiers is probably a bit much, and that's even after Katzenberg's slashing edits. The dude monologues like a bandit, too. Save it for Shakespeare.

If "The Black Cauldron" was made by any company other than Disney, it would've been forgotten a long time ago. That's what normally happens with films that are more of a snooze than outright bad. It would just be another slog of a kids' movie. Since it's a Disney product though, it will always have its infamous place in Disney animation history.

Updated ranking

1. “Cinderella” (review) 2. “Sleeping Beauty” (review) 3. “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” (review) 4. “One Hundred and One Dalmatians” (review) 5. “The Jungle Book” (review) 6. “Fantasia” (review) 7. “The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh” (review) 8. “Alice in Wonderland” (review) 9. “Lady and the Tramp” (review) 10. “Pinocchio” (review) 11. “Robin Hood” (review) 12. “The Rescuers” (review) 13. “The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad” (review) 14. “Bambi” (review) 15. “The Aristocats” (review) 16. “Dumbo” (review) 17. “Peter Pan” (review) 18. “Fun and Fancy Free” (review) 19. “The Fox and the Hound” (review) 20. “The Sword in the Stone” (review) 21. “The Three Caballeros” (review) 22. “Make Mine Music” (review) 23. “The Black Cauldron” 24. “Saludos Amigos” (review) 25. “Melody Time” (review)

#disney

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gentlemanpenguin · 7 years

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WBJ2017 Day 28: Major Figures & Important Players

Well, since Mana-Eater Dragon is an RPG, it’d be pretty easy to run through the main characters and antagonists. However, I want to take this time to talk about the main-est of main characters, and the driving force behind the latter half of the Cycle: the Overlord of Darkness.

As a refresher, the Overlord arises when the sun’s mana output is at its maximum, absorbing the mana and attracting dark-inclined creatures that terrorize the kingdom until the end of the Hold, where the Overlord does battle with the Order of the Sun’s greatest warriors. Eventually, the Overlord is defeated, and returns to the crypt at the bottom of Fortress Nocturn to sleep until the Cycle summons them again.

The Overlord has a number of powers, either naturally from absorbing mana, or bestowed on them via enchantments/curses from previous Overlords. An Overlord’s entire body acts as a Magician’s Anomaly, absorbing mana from their environment at a tremendous rate and allowing them to use that mana to perform magic. Once chosen as Overlord, the Overlord retains that position until they have gone through 3 Cycles; at that point, they can choose to pass the role on to a random person, or keep going. The Overlord cannot age, and when slain their body disintegrates, rebuilding back in the indestructible crypt at Fortress Nocturn at the start of the next Hold. The Overlord naturally attracts followers who are attracted to darkness, such as goblinoids, slimes, and some of the more destructive elementals, and will often find themselves in the employ of thieves, bandits, and other ne’er-do-well.

The current Overlord is a dragon known as Shah, or more commonly by their epithet: the Mana-Eater Dragon. Shah has been the Overlord for well over 100 Cycles now, making them one of the oldest Overlords in recorded history, and has used that knowledge of history to their advantage. Their dragon form is ever in flux, with eyes, wings, talons, and jaws forming when necessary, and the rest hidden by shadows and fog the size of an elephant. Being a dragon, they can put the mana they absorb to good use by casting powerful spells, or enchanting weapons and armor for their followers.

Being both a dragon (a creature that needs mana to survive) and the Overlord (a creature that absorbs mana from their surroundings) sounds like a pretty darn good deal, but the truth is that it’s a losing situation. Between the abilities passed down as Overlord and their own natural consumption of mana to stay alive, Shah is almost always in a state of ceaseless hunger, which drives them to go after alternate sources of mana even when the sun is at its peak.

In the past, Shah was known for never taking human form. That’s why, with the Order of the Sun tracking them down earlier and earlier every Cycle, they have decided to break with tradition. This Cycle, they have immediately left Fortress Nocturn and taken the appearance of a young woman, using their knowledge to pass as a lorekeeper and herbalist in various villages. Their plan is to amass and arm their followers in secret, then attack the Order to bring its strength back down. This way, when they pass the torch on to the next Overlord, the Cycles can return to normal.

I have a couple more characters planned, but I’ll give them their own posts once June has passed. Just to whet your appetite, three of the characters coming in the future are:

A lesbian succubus who prefers physical strength over seduction

A fairy who comes from local nobility, but finds themselves sacrificed to the Overlord

A member of the Order who, unbeknownst to everyone including themselves, has the Overlord as their childhood friend.

#worldbuilding #worldbuilding june #wbj2017 #mana-eater dragon

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j-philly-b · 7 years

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Interesting thoughts on saviors. Maybe there really is no corelation and Emma and Aladdin are just heroic light magic users who got sucked into battles that weren't theirs to fight? I mean, turns out Jafar was really Jasmine's nemesis and the EQ has always been Snow's. Maybe their role should have been more like Merlin's instead and that's why savior's don't get happy endings? Didn't you use to speculate Jasmine would actually be the savior? Congrats, kinda happened? But I wonder if we're (cont)

(cont) still missinga part of the story. Jaladdin are supposed to be back and didn’t peoplespeculate we’d get to see the first savior (possibly Tiger Lily), so maybethere’s more to it. Idk, I at least hope that’s not all, I thought the scarabwould be back and that Aladdin would rediscover his magic. Also, if it’s reallyrandom, than that whole savior mythology storyline doesn’t really make a lot ofsense? Anyway, they should get into what makes a savior. I think they are aninspiration.

Hi Nonny, thanks for dropping by!I agree, saviors are an inspiration and what we’ve seen Emma do best is givepeople hope and inspire them to be their best selves. She’s encouraged peopleto fight for their own happy endings, and we are watching her fight for ownhappily ever after right not. It’s certainly not an easy fight, and the handtremors of doom have certainly demonstrated the toll that fighting has taken onEmma. But even though she’s tired, and the fight has been difficult, and shemay have slowed her pace recently, it looks to me like she’s caught her secondwind and is going to be pushing back hard from now on.I do think that Rumple set Emma up as the savior for everyone caught up inRegina’s curse, he wanted to make sure he’d get his memories and magic backafter all so he could continue his search for Bae. But I agree that the EvilQueen is/was more Snow’s villain. It makes sense that Rumple purposefullycreating a loophole in the dark curse that would allow it to be broken, is whatmade Emma a “savior” – she initially had a specific purpose and goal toaccomplish. Once the original dark curse was, for the most part, broken Emmaand the other heroes started banding together to fight off whatever new big badhas been introduced, with Emma having the added benefit of using her lightmagic (which is conveniently taken away for “reasons” whenever necessary). SoEmma still carries the mantle of savior, but her fight, to me anyway, is moreof a shared battle lately than was the first challenge of breaking the darkcurse.

As for Aladdin, it remains a mystery as to why heis/was a savior. Did he have a singular purpose or goal to accomplish like Emmabreaking the dark curse, or did he just work to help out anyone in need whocame to him? Much of the time between his first meeting with Jasmine and hisfirst fight with Jafar and the confrontation with Jafar in that isolated homeremains a mystery. What we do know though, is that a savior who does not have asupport system from which to draw strength is weakened by the constant fight. Atthis point though, the entire savior mythology remains a mystery – are theymade because someone has a need, are they born when the balance of light anddark has been tipped too far into the darkness, are they triggered when a largegroup of people are in danger from a single villain? I’m hopeful we get someanswers before the finale, but I’m not holding my breath.

As for Jasmine and Aladdin, we know we’ll be seeingthem again, so I am assuming that we will find out whether that TLK did morethan restore Agrabah and release Aladdin from the genie’s shackles, and whetherAladdin’s savior power has been restored. I’ve had my doubts about theeffectiveness of the shears since Regina’s potion was able to track Aladdin tothat crypt by creating a link between his savior magic and Emma’s. I think alot of us were left wondering whether it would have really worked if Aladdin’smagic was truly gone. Plus, now that Jasmine and Aladdin are TL, I think we’llsee Jasmine offering Aladdin the same kind of support that Killian and Henryoffer Emma. In other words, if Aladdin gets his powers back but still suffersfrom hand tremors, I suspect that Jasmine’s presence will stop them.

The big question is, how does Aladdin get his powersback – TLK or something else? The shears are likely out of play as of 6x14, butI am still wondering if there will be some magical object that reverses theeffects. This season has been about the characters questioning themselves,making decisions that change their fates, and at times using magical objects tomake the change. Logically, there should be some object that would have thepower to bind someone to their fate or to restore their path if somethinghappened to change it prematurely, something to balance the fates’ shears.Maybe it is the scarab, does Henry still have it, or did he give it to Emma?But whether by magical object, or because of Jasmine’s TL support, I suspectthat Aladdin will be savioring again by the end of the season.

Although yes, way back in August after they showedthe clip with Aladdin and Jafar at SDCC I speculated that it would actuallyturn out that Jasmine was the savior, not Aladdin. I can’t believe anyoneremembered that! At the time, it seemed like Jafar walked away too easily andhe had something more to do. I guess after 6x15 we know what that was –shrinking Agrabah and its citizens down to fit into a 3 carat diamond. But Igot the impression that getting Aladdin to use the shears on himself was just abonus for Jafar, did you think that too? Then, lo and behold, it turns outJasmine has the key to Jafar’s ultimate victory all along, and so Jafar gotAladdin out of the way so Jafar could focus on his goal and get Jasmine to giveup the ring.

[As an aside, is there a parallel to be had withJafar making sure that Aladdin was out of the way, and Gideon making sure thatKillian is out of the way? Huh, maybe. I’ll have to give that one some morethought, but it does bring to mind 6x03 and references to people being pawnsand being removed from the chessboard, no?]

As for Tiger Lily, I’ve been speculating with @hooks-and-feathers (who also had a lot to say about the scarab) for a whilenow that Tiger Lily is another fairy. Although, making her the third saviorthat’s been hinted at is not out of the realm of possibility. But if Tiger Lilyand the Black Fairy had some sort of connection in the past, it might makesense if they were both fairies, especially since we also know Killian has aconnection to Tiger Lily too, and he doesn’t seem to have had the best trackrecord with fairies in his pirate days. Cf.Tinkerbell. I’m actually starting to wonder if this other savior that’s beenhinted at is someone that the Black Fairy sacrificed in some stylized ritual tocreate the Dark Realm. Very unlikely, but just a thought I had.

tl;dr – Emma as the savior was not random at all,Rumple built a loophole around her to ensure the dark curse would be broken.Aladdin as a savior, the payoff will likely come in the finale now that he hashis TL to support him and help him find his path. And combined, Emma andAladdin finding and choosing to live their HEAs will inspire others to fightfor theirs.

#anonymous #j answers #ouat speculation #ouat spoilers #thinking it ouat

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aion-rsa · 8 years

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Image Comics Solicitations for June 2017

Image Comics has released solicitation information and images for new books and products shipping in June 2017. When you’re through checking out these solicitations for new Image releases, be sure to visit CBR’s Image Comics forum to discuss these titles and products with fellow readers and fans.

Image Comics Solicitations – Last Six Months

Product shipping February 2017

Product shipping January 2017

Product shipping November 2016

Product shipping October 2016

Product shipping September 2016

Product shipping August 2016

CROSSWIND #1 – GEM OF THE MONTH

STORY: GAIL SIMONE • ART / COVER: CAT STAGGS

JUNE 21 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

Fan-favorite creators GAIL SIMONE and CAT STAGGS make their stunning Image debut with this mind-bending new ongoing series!

A slick and ruthless Chicago hitman. A smart but downtrodden Seattle housewife. When an inexplicable event strikes these two random strangers, their bodies, souls, and lives are switched to potentially deadly effect. It’s Freaky Friday meets Goodfellas!

THE DIVIDED STATES OF HYSTERIA #1 – GEM OF THE MONTH

STORY / ART / COVER: HOWARD CHAYKIN

JUNE 7 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

An America sundered. An America enraged. An America terrified. An America shattered by greed and racism, violence and fear, nihilism and tragedy…and that’s when everything really goes to hell.

SAVAGE DRAGON #225 – 25th ANNIVERSARY ISSUE!

STORY / ART / COVERS A & C: ERIK LARSEN

COVER B: Frank Fosco

JUNE 21 / 100 PAGES / FC / M / $9.99

“THE MERGING OF MULTIPLE EARTHS,” Conclusion

Giant-sized 25th anniversary special! Savage Dragon is restored to his former glory as he bulks up to take on Darklord in a final battle! Mr. Glum’s devious plot to merge the multi-verse comes to its cataclysmic conclusion! Savage Dragon and Malcolm Dragon join forces to save Angel Murphy and the very earth itself!

SAVAGE DRAGON: WARFARE TP

STORY / ART / COVER: ERIK LARSEN

JUNE 14 / 128 PAGES / FC / M / $19.99

Spawn, Ant, and Malcolm Dragon face their greatest challenge—ever! Battle Girl fights for her life in Dimension-X. Savage Dragon is released from jail. And Mr. Glum goes on trial.

Collects SAVAGE DRAGON #217-222

KILL THE MINOTAUR #1

STORY: CHRIS PASETTO & CHRISTIAN CANTAMESSA • ART / COVER: LUKAS KETNER & JEAN-FRANCOIS BEAULIEU

JUNE 14 / 40 PAGES/ FC / M / $3.99

Athens lost the war to Crete. Now, they pay tribute to King Minos by sacrificing their best citizens to his unearthly labyrinth. Conspirators believe Theseus can be the hero they need to end the mad king’s bloody reign…but no one on this world has ever encountered anything like the savage minotaur.

CHRIS PASETTO, CHRISTIAN CANTAMESSA (Red Dead Redemption) and LUKAS KETNER (WITCH DOCTOR) reinvent the most fearsome beast of all with this horrific tale of heroism. Each issue features 30 pages of story!

SEPTEMBER MOURNING, VOL. 1

STORY: MARIAH McCOURT, EMILY LAZAR • ART: SUMEYYE KESGIN

COVER: MARC SILVESTRI

JUNE 14 / 48 PAGES / FC / T+ / $4.99

SERIES PREMIERE

September Mourning has no past that she can remember, only a strange and shadowy present filled with the voices of the dead. Turned into a unique hybrid by the former Reaper of the lonely, injured, and abused, September Mourning is the only human/reaper to exist. Tasked with reaping the souls of the “worthless” by her mysterious tattoo, September hides and protects them until she can help them realize the last thing they had left undone in life. Whether it’s aiding souls to expose abusers, find lost loves, or settle old debts, in each case September is guided by voice of the Skullfly, which only she can hear.

SHIRTLESS BEAR-FIGHTER! #1 (OF 5)

STORY: JODY LEHEUP & SEBASTIAN GIRNER • ART: NIL VENDRELL & MIKE SPICER

COVER A: ANDREW ROBINSON • COVER B: TOM FOWLER • COVER C: ANDY SURIANO

JUNE 21 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

SERIES PREMIERE

After being betrayed by the bears that raised him, the legendary Shirtless Bear-Fighter wanders the forest he’s sworn to protect, fistfighting bears, eating flapjacks, and being the angriest man the world has ever known! When wild-eyed, super-strong bears attack the citizens of Major City, Shirtless ventures into the human world to do what he does best…PUNCH THOSE BEARS IN THE FACE! But all is not as it seems. Someone is manipulating Shirtless…and only by confronting the demons of his past can Shirtless hope to save his future!

A heart-filled, hilarious, tall tale for the ages… you don’t want to miss SHIRTLESS BEAR-FIGHTER!

WINNEBAGO GRAVEYARD #1 (OF 4)

STORY: STEVE NILES • ART / COVER A: ALISON SAMPSON, Stéphane PAITREAU, JORDIE BELLAIRE, ADITYA BIDIKAR

COVER B: MINGJUE HELEN CHEN

JUNE 14 / 32 PAGES / FC / T+ / $3.99

SERIES PREMIERE

An American family traveling on vacation finds themselves stranded in a small town with a sinister secret.

BITCH PLANET: TRIPLE FEATURE #1

STORY: CHERYL LYNN EATON, ANDREW AYDIN & CONLEY LYONS • ART: MARIA FRÖHLICH, JOANNA ESTEP

COVER: VALENTINE DE LANDRO

JUNE 14 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

DECONNICK & DE LANDRO PRESENT: THE TRIPLE FEATURE!

Ripped directly from the world of BITCH PLANET, a crack team of creators spin three teeth-clenching tales of rage, revolution, and ridicule.

PLUS: Essays, letter column, and more!

100% Grade A satire. Accept no substitutes.

BLACK MAGICK #6

STORY: GREG RUCKA • ART / COVER A: NICOLA SCOTT

COVER B: LIAM SHARPE

JUNE 28 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

NEW STORY ARC

What the hell is the deal with Rowan Black, anyway? For that matter, just how many “real” witches are there? What is the bond that ties Rowan and Alex together? Is the series really coming back, or is this just the creative team messing with your heads?

Yes, it’s true—the critically acclaimed series returns with a standalone story detailing how Rowan was awakened to her family’s legacy…and the enormous cost of being its inheritor.

BULLETPROOF COFFIN: THE THOUSAND YARD STARE (ONE-SHOT)

STORY: MISTER DAVID HINE • ART / COVER: SHAKY KANE

JUNE 7 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

The long-awaited sequel to THE BULLETPROOF COFFIN!

When indie publisher Image Nation hires Shaky Kane to write and draw his own comic book, the artist finally finds himself free from the tedium of visualizing the geriatric ramblings of washed-up hack, David Hine. See the awful consequences as jealous rivalry leads to a bloody showdown on the convention floor.

SEVEN TO ETERNITY #7

STORY: RICK REMENDER • ART / COVER B: JAMES HARREN & MATT HOLLINGSWORTH

COVER A: JEROME OPEÑA & MATT HOLLINGSWORTH

JUNE 14 / 32 PAGES / FC / T+ / $3.99

NEW ARTIST

Now suffering from the aftermath of the sentient swamp, The Mosak follow Adam to Jevalia’s childhood home to discover a trampled paradise, the bled souls of its heroes, and a fetid industry thirsting for more.

SEVEN TO ETERNITY is proud to welcome superstar JAMES HARREN as a special guest artist to unveil the heights of heroism in a world awash with corruption.

SHUTTER #29

STORY: JOE KEATINGE • ART / COVER: LEILA DEL DUCA & OWEN GIENI

JUNE 28 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

NEW STORY ARC • “CODA OBSCURA, PART ONE: WHAT YEARS MAY COME”

SHUTTER returns and begins to say goodbye with a look at what the future holds for absolutely everyone readers met along the way.

SOUTHERN CROSS #13

STORY / COVER: BECKY CLOONAN • ART: ANDY BELANGER & LEE LOUGHRIDGE

JUNE 21 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

NEW STORY ARC • “THE CRYPT DIMENSION,” Part One

The SOUTHERN CROSS rises from the methane sea of Titan for its third terrifying season! Retired detective Hazel Conroy and her unlikely crew of misfits, mutants, and liars board the cursed spaceship for what might be their final adventure. Surprising, smart, and delightfully scary, SOUTHERN CROSS is the most fun you can have without getting killed by aliens.

SUN BAKERY #5

STORY / ART / COVER: COREY LEWIS

JUNE 28 / 48 PAGES / FC / M / $4.99

NEW STORY ARC • “SOUL OF SHARKNIFE,” Part One

Great jumping-on point! Two new series kick off in SUN BAKERY #5: “SOUL OF SHARKNIFE,” the long-awaited return of indie comics superhero Sharknife in a brand-new adventure, and “FREEZE,” a fantastical breakdancing battle. “BAT RIDER” continues his supernatural skateboarding adventure, and more micro comics abound in SUN BAKERY #5.

WAYWARD #21

STORY: JIM ZUB • ART / COVER A: STEVEN CUMMINGS & TAMRA BONVILLAIN

COVER B: HICHAM HABCHI

JUNE 28 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

NEW STORY ARC • “TETHERED SOULS,” Part One

Nikaido’s powers are growing, and he’s not the only one…

WAYWARD unleashes myth into the modern world. It’s the perfect time to get on board and see what all the excitement is about!

BIRTHRIGHT #25

STORY: JOSHUA WILLIAMSON • ART / COVER: ANDREI BRESSAN & ADRIANO LUAS

JUNE 14 / 32 PAGES / FC / T+ / $2.99

END OF STORY ARC

For 25 issues, the Rhodes family has seen it all—the return of their lost son Mikey, his transformation into a hero of legend, and the existence of mages and horrific monsters on Earth. But nothing can prepare them for what happens in this anniversary 25th issue!

BLACK CLOUD #3

STORY: JASON LATOUR & IVAN BRANDON • ART / COVER: GREG HINKLE & MATT WILSON

JUNE 14 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

What’s worse, a memory or a bad dream? Zelda is stuck in one and running from the other.

THE BLACK MONDAY MURDERS #7

STORY: JONATHAN HICKMAN • ART / COVER: TOMM COKER

JUNE 14 / 40 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

“The Scales”

Accounts are balanced and old grudges are settled. Revenge is the order of the day.

CANNIBAL #6

STORY: BRIAN BUCCELLATO & JENNIFER YOUNG • ART / COVER: MATÍAS BERGARA

JUNE 7 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

Grady and Louise must deal with the ramifications of Danny’s escape from prison as Cash comes to grips with Jolene’s fate.

COPPERHEAD #14

STORY: JAY FAERBER • ART: DREW MOSS & RON RILEY

COVER: SCOTT GODLEWSKI & RON RILEY

JUNE 14 / 32 PAGES / FC / T+ / $3.99

END OF STORY ARC

Clara has a violent encounter with the mayor’s killer—while a new threat closes in on Copperhead.

DEADLY CLASS #30

STORY: RICK REMENDER • ART / COVER A: WES CRAIG & JORDAN BOYD

COVER B: STEPHANE ROUX

JUNE 21 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

A gnarly party gets ruined.

THE DYING AND THE DEAD #5 (OF 10)

STORY: JONATHAN HICKMAN • ART / COVER: RYAN BODENHEIM

JUNE 28 / 40 PAGES / FC / T+ / $3.99

“TO STEAL AN EMPIRE”

When you’ve had everything taken from you, does it matter if they take a little more?

ECLIPSE #8

STORY: ZACK KAPLAN • ART / COVER: GIOVANNI TIMPANO

JUNE 21 / 32 PAGES / FC / T+ / $3.99

END OF STORY ARC

As the sun sets on the second arc, secrets are revealed about the mysterious men who don’t burn in deadly sunlight. But as Cielo infiltrates her father’s company for answers and Bax tries to escape a war zone full of armed soldiers, both must decide which side they’re truly on.

ELEPHANTMEN #78

STORY: RICHARD STARKINGS • ART: AXEL MEDELLIN

COVER: BOO COOK

JUNE 28 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

“EXTINCTION”

Hip Flask and Farrell follow a lead out into the desert and face the grim reality of life for Elephantmen in 2260.

ETERNAL EMPIRE #2

STORY: JONATHAN LUNA & SARAH VAUGHN • ART / COVER: JONATHAN LUNA

JUNE 7 / 32 PAGES / FC / T+ / $3.99

The Eternal Empress has waged war against the countries of Saia for over 100 years, and now her sights are set on the last country standing. Within the brutal Empire’s workforce, a young man receives strange visions that give him the courage to escape his fate…or run straight toward it.

EXTREMITY #4

STORY/ART/COVER: DANIEL WARREN JOHNSON • COLOR: MIKE SPICER

JUNE 7 / 32 PAGES / FC / T+ / $3.99

As Thea’s guerilla warfare against the Paznina intensifies, her father comes face-to-face with the man who killed his wife.

THE FEW #6 (OF 6)

STORY: SEAN LEWIS • ART / COVER: HAYDEN SHERMAN

JUNE 21 / 56 PAGES / FC / M / $4.99

MINISERIES FINALE

The critically acclaimed maxiseries comes to its massive end! Edan’s secret is out. With no family, no allies, and no country, she is left to do the one thing the desperate have available to them: lash out. As she sets her sights on the Palace and the government she fought so hard for, Peter and Davey question how much someone has to do to make you trust them again…

GOD COUNTRY #6

STORY: DONNY CATES • ART: GEOFF SHAW, JASON WORDIE & JOHN J. HILL

COVER A: GEOFF SHAW • COVER B: GERARDO ZAFFINO

JUNE 14 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

MINISERIES FINALE

Our story comes to an earth-shattering conclusion as Valofax meets its maker, Roy learns what it means to be a father, and Emmett Quinlan confronts God in the dying Kingdom of Always…

GREEN VALLEY #9 (OF 9)

STORY: MAX LANDIS • ART / COVER: GIUSEPPE CAMUNCOLI, CLIFF RATHBURN & JEAN-FRANCOIS BEAULIEU

JUNE 14 / 48 PAGES / FC / T+ / $3.99

MINISERIES FINALE • GIANT-SIZED final issue!

The knights of Kelodia were once the finest in the land, until they faced the wizard of Green Valley. Now, their epic, time-bending quest comes to a close in this extra-sized issue, and history will never be the same again.

GRRL SCOUTS: MAGIC SOCKS #2 (OF 6)

STORY / ART / COVER A: JIM MAHFOOD • COLORS: JUSTIN STEWART

COVER B: BILL SIENKIEWICZ

JUNE 21 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

Things heat up as the origins of the mysterious Magic Socks are revealed! After betraying Gwen and Rita, Daphne engages in an epic battle against her little cousin Josie. This second issue is stuffed to the gills with an action-packed story, bonus art, soundtrack, and sketchbook. Plus, a variant cover by the legendary BILL SIENKIEWICZ! Pure fun! Pure flavor!

HADRIAN’S WALL #8 (of 8)

STORY: KYLE HIGGINS & ALEC SIEGEL • ART / COVER: ROD REIS

JUNE 28 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

MINISERIES FINALE • FINAL ISSUE!

In their final moments together, will Simon and Annabelle be able to move past their pain? Or will they both die alone?

HEAD LOPPER #6

STORY / ART / COVER A: ANDREW MACLEAN • COLORS: JORDIE BELLAIRE

COVER B: BENJAMIN MARRA

JUNE 21 / 48 PAGES / FC / T+ / $5.99

“QUEST FOR THE CRYSTAL EYES”

The search for the Crystal Eyes begins. Norgal and Agatha try one door, Zhaania and Xho another. What terrors lie in wait beyond? What traps are set for springing? Only Ulrich the Twice Damned knows for certain. The way forward is unclear but our heroes press on into the strange.

HORIZON #12

STORY: BRANDON THOMAS • ART: JUAN GEDEON & MIKE SPICER

COVER: JASON HOWARD

JUNE 21 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $2.99

END OF STORY ARC

Zhia Malen came to Earth to make sure humanity would never endanger her planet. Now, she’s on the verge of landing her most lethal attack yet… Plus, a revelation that will have you rushing to reread the previous 11 issues!

I HATE FAIRYLAND #13

STORY: SKOTTIE YOUNG • ART: SKOTTIE YOUNG & DEAN RANKINE

COVER A: SKOTTIE YOUNG • COVER B (F**K FAIRYLAND VARIANT): SKOTTIE YOUNG

JUNE 21 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

“LARRY’S LIFE”

Find out what Larry’s life could have been like if he had never met Gert.

IMAGE+ #15

JUNE 28 / 64 PAGES / FC / $1.99

IMAGE+ features in-depth interviews with creators, extended previews of upcoming titles, insightful essays, spotlights on comic shops, and everything fans want to know about what’s coming soon from Image Comics. In addition, every issue features a chapter of the ongoing THE WALKING DEAD story “HERE’S NEGAN!” revealing the origin of the fan-favorite villain, created by the New York Times bestselling team of ROBERT KIRKMAN & CHARLIE ADLARD! IMAGE+, the Magazine of the Year in the 2016 Diamond Gem Awards, is where to go when you want to know what’s new and hot at Image Comics.

INJECTION #14

STORY: WARREN ELLIS • ART / COVER A & B: DECLAN SHALVEY & JORDIE BELLAIRE

JUNE 21 / 24 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

“Something lies beneath the henge and the megaliths and the moor, and the storm may wake it.”

INVINCIBLE #137

STORY: ROBERT KIRKMAN • ART / COVER: RYAN OTTLEY & NATHAN FAIRBAIRN

JUNE 21 / 24 PAGES / FC/ M / $2.99

“THE END OF ALL THINGS,” Part Five

This issue has everything! Mark and Eve in peril! Allen’s fleet chased by Thragg’s forces! Terra learning to use her powers! Robot doing something (else) evil! Did we mention Tether Tyrant? All this and Debbie Grayson momming the hell out of the cover!

KILL OR BE KILLED #10

STORY: ED BRUBAKER • ART: SEAN PHILLIPS & ELIZABETH BREITWEISER

COVER: SEAN PHILLIPS

JUNE 28 / 40 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

END OF STORY ARC

As his life spins out of control, Dylan and his demon come face-to-face once again.

LOW #19

STORY: RICK REMENDER • ART / COVER: GREG TOCCHINI & DAVE MCCAIG

COVER B: STEPHANE ROUX

JUNE 14 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

END OF STORY ARC • “OUTER ASPECTS OF INNER ATTITUDES,” Conclusion

Death comes to the drowning city as Tajo and her crew fight to inspire the citizens of Salus to not go gentle into that good night.

MAGDALENA, VOL. 4 #4

STORY: TINI HOWARD & RYAN CADY • ART / COVER: CHRISTIAN DIBARI

JUNE 28 / 32 PAGES / FC / T+ / $3.99

END OF STORY ARC

That which should be bound has been freed, and that which needs to fight has been detained. Demons may have us in numbers, but God’s on our side. Our first testament ends here.

MANIFEST DESTINY #30

STORY: CHRIS DINGESS • ART / COVER: MATTHEW ROBERTS & OWEN GIENI

JUNE 21 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $2.99

END OF STORY ARC

Sacagawea the warrior. Sacagawea the mother.

MIRROR #9

STORY / ART: EMMA RÍOS & HWEI LIM

COVER: HWEI LIM

JUNE 21 / 32 PAGES / FC / T+ / $3.99

Meetings and reunions link the uncertain fates of the Irzah animals to the destiny of Tekton Ninua.

THE OLD GUARD #5

STORY: GREG RUCKA • ART/COVER: LEANDRO FERNÁNDEZ

JUNE 21 / 40 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

END OF STORY ARC • “PART FIVE”

Conclusion. The Old Guard falls. Literally.

THE OLD GUARD will return in 2018!

OUTCAST #29

STORY: ROBERT KIRKMAN • ART / COVER: PAUL AZACETA & ELIZABETH BREITWEISER

JUNE 28 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $2.99

“UNWELCOMED”

There are certain places Outcasts just should not go. Kyle and his father have taken a huge risk.

PAKLIS #2

STORY: DUSTIN WEAVER & D.J. BRYANT • ART / COVER: DUSTIN WEAVER

JUNE 28 / 56 PAGES / FC / T+ / $5.99

A spy becomes involved with the subject of his surveillance in this issue’s short story, “An Empty Shell in the Ocean.” Then Tara heads deeper into the Shadow Zone where she battles Nerial pilots in a deadly dogfight and discovers an unbelievable binary planetary system while on her search for Amnia in “Amnia Cycle,” Part Two. And we learn just how big the galaxy is in “Sagittarius A*,” Part Three.

PAPER GIRLS #15

STORY: BRIAN K. VAUGHAN • ART: CLIFF CHIANG & MATT WILSON

COVER: CLIFF CHIANG

JUNE 7 / 32 PAGES / FC / T+ / $2.99

END OF STORY ARC • EXPLOSIVE END OF A STORY ARC!

It’s the end of an era as KJ, Mac, Tiffany, and Erin must do the unthinkable to escape our prehistoric past. 24 pages of story on the best paper in comics, and still only $2.99!

PLANETOID PRAXIS #5 (OF 6)

STORY / ART / COVER: KEN GARING

JUNE 7 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

Unrest in the settlement culminates in an attack on Heliocor…with lethal results!

PLASTIC #3 (OF 5)

STORY: DOUG WAGNER • ART: DANIEL HILLYARD & LAURA MARTIN

COVER A: ANDREW ROBINSON • COVER B: DANIEL HILLYARD

JUNE 21 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

With a new girl along for the ride (who, surprisingly, is an actual living, breathing person), Edwyn continues his head-chopping rampage to save the love of his life…but the Dixie Mafia have some rather devious plans of their own.

REDNECK #3

STORY: DONNY CATES • ART/COVER: LISANDRO ESTHERREN & DEE CUNNIFFE

JUNE 28 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

What lurks in the attic of the Bowman house? With everything going to hell for his family, Bartlett must confront the one sonuvabitch that puts fear in other vampires. And what exactly do the Bowman boys have planned for Father Landry?

REGRESSION #2

STORY: CULLEN BUNN • ART/COVER: DANNY LUCKERT & MARIE ENGER

JUNE 14 / 32 PAGES / FC / $3.99

Adrian’s descent into madness and horror continues! In an attempt to rid himself of terrifying waking nightmares, Adrian agreed to undergo past life regression therapy. Now it seems that something sinister has followed Adrian back from a past life into this one!

RENATO JONES: SEASON TWO #2 (OF 5)

STORY / ART / COVER: KAARE KYLE ANDREWS

JUNE 7 / 48 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

“THE FREELANCER,” Part Two

The government is burning. Corruption has taken power. Billionaires rule the world. And only one freelancer has the tools them make them “CHOKE ON THI$!”

Don’t miss part two of the largest audience to witness a comic book, period!

ROCK CANDY MOUNTAIN #3

STORY / ART / COVER: KYLE STARKS

JUNE 7 / 24 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

Well, it looks like our train-jumping hobo boys have finally seen where the wheel meets the ground. This issue, we learn about the difference between bums and hobos, why Jackson is so good at fighting, and what the Literal Devil wants with our Hobo Hero. Also, yeah, as always, there’s fighting. HOBO FIGHTING.

ROSE #3

STORY: MEREDITH FINCH • ART/COVER A: IG GUARA

COVER B: JOYCE CHIN

JUNE 14 / 32 PAGES / FC / T / $3.99

Desperate for allies, Rose and Ila look for help in the most unlikely of places. Rose confronts the truth about—and feels the burden of—her magical abilities. Can she really be some kind of savior? Meanwhile, Thorne makes a heartbreaking discovery about his own role in the future of the land.

ROYAL CITY #4

STORY / ART / COVER: JEFF LEMIRE

JUNE 21/ 32 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

It all falls down. The delicate balancing act that has been keeping the fragile lives of each Pike family member aloft comes crashing down. And with his past finally catching up to him, Pat’s sins are revealed, but it may be too late to make amends. The penultimate chapter of ROYAL CITY’s first storyline delivers shocking twists and heartbreaking truths.

SAGA #44

ART / COVER: FIONA STAPLES • STORY: BRIAN K. VAUGHAN

JUNE 28 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $2.99

Hazel and her family search for elusive treasure: affordable healthcare.

SAMARITAN #2

STORY: MATT HAWKINS • ART / COVER: ATILIO ROJO

JUNE 28 / 32 PAGES / FC / T+ / $3.99

Sam kidnaps the CEO of Northlock Industries, a massive military industrial complex company that’s linked to the president, and begins her plan to take him down. She comes to terms with the fact that it may very well be a suicide mission.

SEX CRIMINALS #20

STORY: MATT FRACTION • ART / COVER: CHIP ZDARSKY

JUNE 21 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

END OF STORY ARC

All good things, like sex, crime, and this arc of SEX CRIMINALS, come to an end. And this one ends with CHARACTERS doing THINGS and making CHOICES that CHANGE EVERYTHING! In terms of, y’know, the SEX CRIMINALS comic book. Everything’s still the same over in, like, Batman or whatever.

SEX CRIMINALS #20 XXX JOE QUINONES VARIANT

STORY: MATT FRACTION • ART: CHIP ZDARSKY

COVER: JOE QUINONES

JUNE 21 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $4.69

JOE QUINONES. XXX Variant. Artiste of Howard the Duck. GOD if only there was some way to turn that title into something dirty.

SONS OF THE DEVIL #13

STORY: BRIAN BUCCELLATO • ART / COVER: TONI INFANTE

JUNE 14 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

“THE NINE”

Travis must decide how far he is willing to go to save his siblings, Melissa, and his newborn son!

SPAWN #275

STORY: TODD McFARLANE • ART: SZYMON KUDRANSKI

COVER A: HICHAM HIBACHI • COVER B: B&W Variant of Cover A

JUNE 28 / 32 PAGES / FC / T / $2.99

SAM AND TWITCH ARE BACK!!!

STRAY BULLETS: SUNSHINE & ROSES #25

STORY / ART / COVER: DAVID LAPHAM

JUNE 14 / 32 PAGES / BW / M / $3.99

An unholy (and objectively quite icky) union leads to a massacre in a small town.

THEY’RE NOT LIKE US #18

STORY: ERIC STEPHENSON • ART: SIMON GANE & JORDIE BELLAIRE

COVER: SIMON GANE & FONOGRAFIKS

JUNE 28 / 24 PAGES / FC / M / $2.99

SERIES FINALE

Syd makes a decision with life-altering implications for everyone.

THINK TANK: ANIMAL #4

STORY: MATT HAWKINS • ART / COVER: RAHSAN EKEDAL

JUNE 7 / 32 PAGES / FC / T+ / $3.99

END OF STORY ARC

Will WWIII start over the Russian-Estonian invasion? The incumbent president is caught in a scandal, and it looks like a religious ideologue will win the White House. How does Turkey play into the future of NATO’s plans? This could be the most prescient and frightening issue of THINK TANK so far!

THROWAWAYS #9

STORY: CAITLIN KITTREDGE • ART / COVER: STEVEN SANDERS

JUNE 14 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

END OF STORY ARC

Just as Abby, Grant, and Dean think they may have figured out Ostrander’s plan for her new crop of Alpha subjects, Dean is taken out of the equation. Grant is sidelined by Ostrander’s most powerful Alpha, and Abby and Kimiko are left to face Ostrander’s ally, Senator Ben Stark, on their own.

UNDERWINTER #4

STORY / ART / COVER : RAY FAWKES

JUNE 28 / 32 PAGES / FC / M / $3.99

“SYMPHONY,” Part Four

To the sound of their own shattering souls, the quartet arm themselves for battle against an incomprehensibly evil foe.

THE WALKING DEAD #168

STORY: ROBERT KIRKMAN • ART: CHARLIE ADLARD, STEFANO GAUDIANO & CLIFF RATHBURN

COVER: CHARLIE ADLARD & DAVE STEWART

JUNE 7 / 32 PAGES / BW / M / $2.99

“THE ROAD’S END”

Nothing is more damaging than misplaced trust.

YOUNGBLOOD #2

STORY: CHAD BOWERS • ART / COVER A: JIM TOWE

COVER B: ROB LIEFELD • COVER C: CANAAN WHITE

JUNE 28 / 32 PAGES / FC / T / $3.99

“YOUNGBLOOD REBORN,” Part Two

The ‘Blood is back, baby! But for how long? Shaft arrives in Baltimore with a warning for the team of rookie heroes calling themselves “Youngblood,” but will it fall on deaf ears? Meanwhile, President Die Hard meets with the architects of the popular Help! app and struggles with just how far he’s willing to go to protect the country. All this, plus Badrock keeping secrets? Seriously, Badrock…already? What the hell, dude, it’s only the second issue?

ASTOUNDING WOLF-MAN COMPLETE COLLECTION HC

STORY: ROBERT KIRKMAN • ART/COVER: JASON HOWARD

JUNE 28 / 656 PAGES / FC / T+ / $54.99

For the first time ever, the complete ASTOUNDING WOLF-MAN is collected in one volume!

When Gary Hampton is mauled and left for dead, his life takes a drastic turn! When the moon is full, he transforms into a beast of the night—a werewolf! But this curse will not be used for evil. Witness the birth of the world’s most unlikely new superhero—The Astounding Wolf-Man!

Collects ASTOUNDING WOLF-MAN #1-25 and INVINCIBLE #57.

LOOSE ENDS TP

STORY: JASON LATOUR • ART / COVER: CHRIS BRUNNER & RICO RENZI

JUNE 28 / 128 PAGES / FC / M / $14.99

No one seemed to notice Sonny Gibson as he stepped back into “The Hideaway,” a dusty little honky-tonk nestled off the Carolina highway. But before the night was over, Sonny would be on the run—from the law, from criminals, and even from himself. LOOSE ENDS is a gritty, slow-cooked, Southern crime romance that follows a winding trail down Tobacco Road, through the war-torn streets of Baghdad, and into the bright lights and bloody gutters of South Florida.

From JASON LATOUR, co-creator of Eisner-winning SOUTHERN BASTARDS and the writer of Spider-Gwen, CHRIS BRUNNER (SOUTHERN BASTARDS, Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight), and RICO RENZI (Spider-Gwen, Squirrel Girl).

Collects LOOSE ENDS #1-4.

TOKYO GHOST DELUXE EDITION HC

STORY: RICK REMENDER • ART / COVER: SEAN GORDON MURPHY & MATT HOLLINGSWORTH

JULY 5 / 272 PAGES / FC / M / $39.99 / 8” x 12”

ADVANCE SOLICIT

The Isles of Los Angeles 2089: Humanity is addicted to technology. Getting a virtual buzz is the only thing left to live for, and gangsters run it all. And who do these gangsters turn to when they need their rule enforced? Constables Led Dent and Debbie Decay are about to be given a job that will force them out of the familiar squalor of LA and into the last tech-less country on Earth: The Garden Nation of Tokyo.

Presenting the full run of the smash hit TOKYO GHOST by RICK REMENDER & SEAN GORDON MURPHY in this oversized hardcover, packed with extra content, variants, designs, sketches, and bonus materials!

Collects TOKYO GHOST #1-10.

CHEW SMORGASBORD EDITION, VOL. 3 HC

STORY: JOHN LAYMAN • ART / COVER: ROB GUILLORY

JUNE 28 / 640 PAGES / FC / M / $100.00

Presenting the third and final CHEW Smorgasbord, a massive, deluxe hardcover featuring the final 20 issues of the New York Times bestselling, Harvey and multiple Eisner Award-winning series about cops, crooks, cooks, cannibals, and clairvoyants. Enemies are confronted, mysteries are solved, and the body count rises so very, very high.

Collects CHEW #41-60 in addition to the blockbuster one-shots featuring everybody’s favorite homicidal rooster, WARRIOR CHICKEN POYO, DEMON CHICKEN POYO, and the dual crossover event, CHEW/REVIVAL and REVIVAL/CHEW.

CHEW SMORGASBORD EDITION VOL 3 HC Signed & Numbered

JUNE 28 / 640 PAGES / FC / M / $150.00

DESCENDER, VOL. 4: ORBITAL MECHANICS TP

STORY: JEFF LEMIRE • ART / COVER: DUSTIN NGUYEN

JUNE 21 / 120 PAGES / FC / T+ / $14.99

Tim-21, Telsa, and Quon finally escape the Machine Moon and head out on a quest to find the ancient robot who may hold the key to the Harvesters. Meanwhile Andy and his ragtag team close in on Tim, but their fragile alliance is shattered by Driller’s revelations.

A new chapter of the heartfelt sci-fi epic by superstar creators JEFF LEMIRE & DUSTIN NGUYEN begins here.

Collects DESCENDER #17-21

DRIFTER VOL. 4: REMAINS TP

STORY: IVAN BRANDON • ART / COVER: NIC KLEIN

JUNE 14 / 120 PAGES / FC / M / $14.99

Ghost Town is destroyed. The planet Ouro is coming apart at the seams. But even with the world breaking around him, Abram Pollux can only think of revenge on the man named Bell Emmerich.

IVAN BRANDON & NIC KLEIN are proud to present the final chapter in their brooding sci-fi epic. All mysteries will be solved. All questions answered. All scores settled.

Collects DRIFTER #15-19

EAST OF WEST, VOL. 7 TP

STORY: JONATHAN HICKMAN • ART / COVER: NICK DRAGOTTA

JUNE 28 / 128 PAGES / FC / M / $14.99

The final year of the apocalypse begins! Armies rage! Nations at War! A family fights to be reunited.

Collects EAST OF WEST #30-34

MONSTRESS, VOL. 2 TP

STORY: MARJORIE LIU • ART / COVER: SANA TAKEDA

JUNE 21 / 144 PAGES / FC / M / $14.99

The Eisner-nominated MONSTRESS is back!

Maika, Kippa, and Ren journey to Thyria in search of answers to her past…and discover a terrible new threat.

Collects MONSTRESS #7-12

OCTOPUS PIE, VOL. 5 TP

STORY / ART / COVER: MEREDITH GRAN

JUNE 28 / 312 PAGES / FC / T+ / $19.99

As they watch the days of their youth roll by, Brooklynites Eve, Hanna, and friends must confront the truth about themselves—whether they’re ready to or not. The award-winning webcomic series comes to a close in this final laugh-filled, heartrending installment.

POP GUN WAR, VOL. 2: CHAIN LETTER TP

STORY / ART / COVER: FAREL DALRYMPLE

JUNE 14 / 176 PAGES / FC / T+ / $17.99

Stuck in a small town with a broken-down van, Emily goes on a walk. After following some shady characters through subterranean tunnels, she discovers three video monitors showing stories from a magical present, dreamy past, and strange future.

In this long-awaited sequel to the award-winning and critically acclaimed graphic novel POP GUN WAR: GIFT, author and creator of The Wrenchies, FAREL DALRYMPLE, revisits his world of surreal urban fantasy.

POSTAL, VOL. 5 TP

STORY: BRYAN HILL • ART / COVER: ISAAC GOODHART

JUNE 28 / 128 PAGES / FC / M / $14.99

FBI Agent Chris Bremble comes face to face with Isaac Shiffron, the sociopath who gave birth to Eden, and to find the truth of the past, Bremble will have to endure Isaac’s madness. Laura puts Mark in charge of Eden to see if her son has the ability to lead a town full of criminals who don’t trust or believe in him. His mother, Maggie, and Molly all have a vision for what Mark should be…but which path will he choose?

Collects POSTAL #17-20.

SHE WOLF, VOL. 2 TP

STORY / ART / COVER: RICH TOMMASO

JUNE 14 / 96 PAGES / FC / M / $12.99

The second series of this surreal teenage tragedy veers away from season one’s main character, Gabrielle, and focuses on her younger sibling Lizzie, who becomes jaded, rebellious, and downright homicidal after her “sweet” sixteenth birthday. Not only is it her turn to come to terms with her werewolf curse, but she also learns that she has been possessed by a powerful demon.

Collects SHE WOLF #5-8.

SPREAD, VOL. 4 TP

STORY: JUSTIN JORDAN • ART / COVER: JOHN BIVENS, FELIPE SOBREIRO

COVER: KYLE STRAHM, FELIPE SOBREIRO

JUNE 21 / 128 PAGES / FC / M / $14.99

Ravello, gifted with terrible new abilities by the Spread, has returned to, organize the raiders of the Quarantine Zone into something the world has never seen. No and company are pushed to the limit in the penultimate volume of the SPREAD saga.

Collects SPREAD #18-21.

THE WICKED + THE DIVINE, VOL. 5: IMPERIAL PHASE (I) TP

STORY: KIERON GILLEN • ART: JAMIE McKELVIE, Matt Wilson & KEVIN WADA

COVER: JAMIE McKELVIE & Matt Wilson

JUNE 7 / 144 PAGES / FC / M / $14.99

The gods are free to do whatever they want. Inevitably, they do.

Collects THE WICKED + THE DIVINE #23-28, including the critically lauded KEVIN WADA magazine issue.

SUNSTONE 18-MONTH CALENDAR

ART: Stjepan Sejic

JUNE 7 / 20 PAGES / FC / M / $24.99

Calendar based on the New York Times bestselling erotic romantic comedy graphic novel. Show off your love for SUNSTONE with original, never-before scenes from the comic, as drawn by artist Stjepan Sejic.

11×22, spiral bound, July 2017 – December 2018

GOD COUNTRY T-SHIRT

$24.99 • unisex ringspun cotton.

Want to rep Emmett Quinlan, Valofax, and the Lone Star State? look no further than our brand new exclusive GOD COUNTRY tee!

Available now, in sizes SM-4XL!

THE WALKING DEAD TV NEGAN COLLECTIBLE ACTION FIGURE

Solid Case Pack Information: Standard 8-pack case. Refer to individual item code above when ordering. Call your local retailer for pricing.

MASS EFFECT: ANDROMEDA SCOTT RYDER COLLECTIBLE ACTION FIGURE

Solid Case Pack Information: Standard 8-pack case. Refer to individual item code above when ordering. Call your local retailer for pricing.

GEARS OF WAR 4 MARCUS FENIX COLLECTIBLE ACTION FIGURE

Solid Case Pack Information: Standard 8-pack case. Refer to individual item code above when ordering. Call your local retailer for pricing.

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