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snake-rot · 3 years

Note

(EXCLAIMING)

(ORCHESTRA MUSIC BLARING)

(GROANS)

(WHIMPERS)

(GRUNTING)

(MYSTICAL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(GROANS)

(COUNTRY ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(COUGHS)

Sweet home Alabama

Where the skies are so blue

WOMAN: Excuse me, sir, is there a commode?

Sweet home Alabama

(GRUNTING)

Lord, I'm coming home to you

(GRUNTS) Justin!

Quick, honey, take my picture. I got the pyramid in my hand.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

Yeah

Justin, you get back here right now!

No, stop!

GUARD 1: No, no, no! Stop him! GUARD 2: Go back! Don't climb!

(JUSTIN IMITATING AIRPLANE WHOOSHING)

Wait, wait.

Hold on. Easy, little boy.

Okay, stop, child! Stop right there. No!

(GASPS)

No, no, no, no, no! Oh! There he goes.

(GASPS)

Justin!

I've got him! I've got him!

(JUSTIN GRUNTS)

(AIR ESCAPING)

Outrage in Egypt tonight as it was discovered

that the Great Pyramid of Giza had been stolen

and replaced by a giant inflatable replica.

There is panic throughout the globe as countries and citizens

try to protect their beloved landmarks.

Law enforcement still has no leads,

leaving everyone to wonder, which of the world's villains

is responsible for this heinous crime?

And where will he strike next?

Gru: Freeze ray! Freeze ray! Freeze ray! [laughs evilly] Fred: Morning, Gru! How you doing? Gru: Hello, Fred. FYI, your dog has been leaving little bombs all over my yard, and I don't appreciate it. Fred: Sorry. You know dogs. They go wherever they wanna go. Gru: Unless they're dead. [laughs] I'm joking! Although, it is true. Anyway, have a good one. Fred: Okay. Yeah. Steamrolling whatever Gru: [groans] You've got to be pulling on my leg! Margo: Hello! Cookies for sale. Gru: Go away. I'm not home. Margo: Uh, yes, you are. I heard you. Gru: [gasps] No, you didn't. This... [monotone] is a recording. Margo: [scoffs] No, it isn't. Gru: Yes, it is. [o.s.] Watch this. Leave a message, beep. [Edith kicks the door] Gru: Ow! Agnes: Goodbye, recorded message. Margo: [o.s.] Agnes, come on. Gru: Huh? [screams] Kyle! Bad dog! No! No, no. Sit. My muffin. Dr. Nefario: Gru! Gru: Ah, Dr. Nefario. Dr. Nefario: I know how you must be feeling. I, too, have encountered great disappointment, but, in my eyes, you will always be one of the greats. Gru: What? What happened? Dr. Nefario: It's all over the news! Some fella just stole a pyramid. They're saying he makes all other villains look... lame. pause Gru: Assemble the minions! [throws Kyle off of his arm] Minions, assemble! Minion: Okay. Okay. Hey! Gru: Looking good, Kevin! How is the family? Good? All right. That's my Billy boy! What up, Larry? Hello, everybody! Yeah, all right! Simmer down. Simmer down! Thank you, okay. Now, I realize that you guys probably heard about this other villain who stole the pyramids. Apparently, it's a big deal. People are calling it the crime of the century and stuff like that. But am I upset? No, I am not! A little, but we have had a pretty good year ourselves, and you guys are all right in my book. Minion: Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Gru: No, no raises! You're not going to get any raises. What did we do? Well, we stole the Times Square JumboTron! Nice! That's how I roll. Yeah, you all like watching football on that, huh? But that's not all. We stole the Statue of Liberty, the small one from Las Vegas. And I won't even mention the Eiffel Tower! Also Vegas. Okay, I wasn't going to tell you about this yet, but I have been working on something very big! Something that will blow this pyramid thing out of the water! And thanks to the efforts of my good friend Dr. Nefario... Dr. Nefario: Thank you! Gru: There he is. He's stylin'. Now, we have located a shrink ray in a secret lab, and once we take this shrink ray, we will have the capability to pull off the 'true crime of the century. We are going to steal... The Minions all pull out their weapons in response. Gru: Wait, wait! I haven't told you what it is yet. One of the Minions, Dave, shoots his rocket launcher at a crowd of Minions. Gru: Hey. Dave, listen up, please! Dave: Ditto. One of the Minions Dave shot walks over to him and punches him on the shoulder. Gru: Next, we are going to steal, pause for effect, the moon! The Minions cheer in response. Gru: And once the moon is mine, the world will give me whatever I want to get it back! And I will be the greatest villain of all time! That's what I'm talkin' 'bout. [picks up his phone] Yes? Dr. Nefario: Hello, Gru? I've been crunching some numbers, and I really don't see how we can afford this. It can't be done. I'm not a miracle worker. Gru:Hey, chillax. I'll just get another loan from the bank. They love me! Margo: Edith, stop it! Edith: What? I'm just walking. Girls: Hi, Miss Hattie. We're back. Miss Hattie: Hello, girls! Agnes: Anybody come to adopt us while we were out? Miss Hattie: Hmm... Let me think. No! Edith immediately puts a mud pie on Miss Hattie's desk, much to her displeasure. Miss Hattie: Edith! What did you put on my desk? Edith: A mud pie. Miss Hattie: [sighs] You're never gonna get adopted, Edith. You know that, don't you? Edith: Yeah, I know. Miss Hattie: Good. So, how did it go, girls? Did we meet our quotas? Margo: Hmm... Sorta. We sold 43 mini-mints, 30 choco-swirlies and 18 coco-nutties. Miss Hattie: [gets up] Okay.

Well, you say that like it's a great sale day. [furious] Look at my face! Do you still think it's a great sale day? Edith rolls her eyes in response. Miss Hattie: [hangs up a portrait] Eighteen coco-nutties. I think we can do a little better than that, don't you? Yeah. We wouldn't want to spend the weekend in the Box of Shame, would we? No. Girls: No, Miss Hattie. Miss Hattie: Okay, good. Off you go. Go clean something of mine. Girls: Hi, Penny. Penny: Hi, guys. Gru: Hello, Mom. Sorry, I meant to call, but... Gru's Mom: I just wanted to congratulate you on stealing the pyramid. [Gru sighs in disgust] That was you, wasn't it? Or was it a villain who's actually successful? [laughs] Gru: Just so you know, Mom, I am about to do something that's very, very big, very important. When you hear about it, you're going to be very proud. Gru's Mom: Ha! [sarcastically] Good luck with that. Okay, I'm outta here. [hangs up the phone before sending her karate instructor flying] Gru: Gru to see Mr Perkins Receptionist: Yes, please have a seat. Neil Armstrong: That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind. Young Gru: Ma, someday I'm going to go to the moon. Gru's Mom: I'm afraid you're too late, Son. NASA isn't sending the monkeys any more. Vector: Hey. I'm applying for a new villain loan. Go by the name of Vector. It's a mathematical term, a quantity represented by an arrow, with both direction and magnitude. Vector! That's me, 'cause I'm committing crimes with both direction and magnitude. Oh, yeah! Check out my new weapon. Piranha gun! Oh, yes! Fires live piranhas. Ever seen one before? No, you haven't. I invented it. Do you want a demonstration? Shoot! So difficult, sometimes, to get the piranha back inside of my... Receptionist: Mr Gru, Mr Perkins will see you now. Gru: So, all I need is money from the bank to build a rocket. And then, the moon is ours. Perkins: Wow! Well, very nice presentation. I'd like to see this shrink ray. Gru: Absolutely! Will do. Soon as I have it. Perkins: You don't have it? And yet you have the audacity to ask the bank for money? Gru: Apparently. Perkins: Do you have any idea of the capital that this bank has invested in you, Gru? With far too few of your sinister plots actually turning a profit. How can I put it? Let's say this apple is you. If we don't start getting our money back... Get the picture? Look, Gru, the point is, there are a lot of new villains out there, younger than you, hungrier than you, younger than you. Like that young fellow out there named Vector. He just stole a pyramid! Gru: I've got it. I've got it. So, as far as getting money for the rocket... Perkins: Get the shrink ray, then we'll talk. Minion: Suckers! Suckers! Gru: We got it! What? Hey! Hey! What! Hey! No, no, no! You! Vectors: Now, maybe you'll think twice before you freeze someone's head! So long, Gru! Gru: Quick! We can't let him get away! Up ahead! Up ahead! Fire! Fire, now! Vector: You missed me! Gru: Come to papa! Take that. Vector: How adorable. Gru: Got you in our sights! Like taking candy from a... What? Vector: Hey, Gru! Try this on for size! Gru: That's weird. What is going... This is claustrophobic! No, no, no! Too small! This is too small for me! [groans] I hate that guy. Margo: ...and please watch over us, and bless that we'll have a good night's sleep. Edith: And bless that while we're sleeping, no bugs will crawl into our ears and lay eggs in our brains. Margo: Great. Thanks for that image, Edith. Agnes: And please bless that someone will adopt us soon, and that the mommy and daddy will be nice and have a pet unicorn. Amen. Margo/Edith: Amen. Agnes: Unicorns, I love them Unicorns, I love them Uni, uni, unicorns I love them Uni, unicorns, I could pet one If they were really real And they are So, I bought one so I could pet it Now it loves me Now I love it Gru: Don't you... What the... Good luck, little girls! Edith: Whoa! Cool. Margo: Hi! We're orphans from Miss Hattie's Home for Girls. Vector: I don't care. Beat it! Margo: Come on! We're selling

cookies so, you know, we can have a better future. Vector: Wait, wait! Do you have coco-nutties? Margo: Yeah. Gru: Light bulb. Dr Nefario! I'm going to need a dozen tiny robots disguised as cookies! Dr. Nefario: What? Gru: Cookie robots! Dr. Nefario: Who is this? - Gru: Oh, forget it. Mrs. Hattie: Well, it appears you have cleared our background check, Dr Gru. And I see you have made a list of some of your personal achievements. Thank you for that. I love reading. And I see you have been given the Medal of Honor and a knighthood. - Minions: Me, me, me. Me, me, me. Minion: Kevin? Mrs. Hattie: You had your own cooking show and you can hold your breath for 30 seconds? It's not that impressive. Minion: Idiot! - Minions: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Mrs Hattie: What in the name of... What? Gru: Well, here's the dealio. Things have been so lonely since my wife, Debbie, passed on. It's like my heart is a tooth, and it's got a cavity that can only be filled with children. I'm sorry. You are a beautiful woman. Do you speak Spanish? Mrs. Hattie: Do I look like I speak Spanish? Gru: You have a face como un burro. Mrs. Hattie: Well, thank you! Gru: Anyway, can we proceed with this adoption? So, so excited! Mrs. Hattie: Please tell Margo, Edith and Agnes to come to the lobby. Margo: I bet the mom is beautiful! Edith: I bet the daddy's eyes sparkle. Agnes: I bet their house is made of Gummi Bears. [Edith and Margo look at her curiously] I'm just saying it'd be nice. [picks up a Cheeto] Aww. My caterpillar never turned into a butterfly. Edith: That's a Cheeto. Agnes: Oh... [eats said Cheeto, making Edith and Margo recoil in disgust] Miss Hattie: Well, Debbie was a very lucky woman. [pause] Gru: Who's Debbie? Mrs Hattie: Your wife. Hi, girls! Girls, I want you to meet Mr Gru. He's going to adopt you. And he's a dentist! Agnes: Yeah! Margo: Hi. I'm Margo. This is Edith. And that's Agnes. Agnes: [sing-song] I got your leg, I got your leg! Gru: Okay, that is enough, little girl. Let go of my leg. Come on. You can do it. Agnes: Higher! Higher! Gru: Just release your grip. Wow! How do you remove them? Is there a command? Some nonstick spray? Crowbar? [sighs] Okay, girls, let's go. [They drove off in the distance.]Vector: Uh-huh! Oh, yeah! Pretty impressive! What are you looking at? Boo-ya! You got shrunk, tiny mouthwash! Take that! You done been shrunk! (His phone rings) Yello? I got the shrink ray, all right. No, I'm not playing with it. Gru? Don't make me laugh! No. P.S., he is not getting the moon, and P.P.S., by the time I'm done with him, he's gonna be begging for mercy. (Shrinks a toilet) Okay, bye. (Hangs up) Look at you, a little tiny toilet for a little tiny baby to... [The toilet pops out and water sprays him.]Vector: Curse you, tiny toilet! [Gru and the Girls arrive at Gru's Home.] Gru: "Okay, here we are. Home sweet home. Margo: So... This is, like, your house? [realizing] Wait a sec... You're the guy who pretended he was a recorded message! Gru: No, that was someone else. [Margo gives a skeptical look before she, Edith and Agnes enter Gru's house, with Gru following suite.] Agnes: [scared] Can I hold your hand? Gru: Uh... No. Edith: [looks around] When we got adopted by a bald guy, I thought this'd be more like "Annie". Gru: No, hey! [screams] Kyle, these are not treats. These are guests. Girls, this is Kyle, my... Dog. Kyle snarls in anger. Agnes: Ooh! Fluffy doggy! [approaches Kyle before he runs away, much to her disappointment] Margo: What kind of dog is that? Gru: He is a... I don't know. Margo: Do you really think that this is an appropriate place for little kids? 'Cause, uh... It's not. [Edith sees a closet that is sharp and goes in it.] Gru: No! No! Stay away from there! It's frag... [He sees juice spilling on the floor.]Both: (Gasps) Gru: Well, I suppose the plan will work with two. Edith: [muffled] Hey! It's dark in here. [Gru opens the iron maiden, revealing Edith, who spits out a straw]Edith: It poked a hole in my juice box. [They went to the

kitchen.] Gru: As you can see, I have provided everything a child might need. All right. Okay. As I was saying... (Edith knocked a bottle down) Gru: (Cont'd) Hey! Oh. Edith: Somebody broke that. Gru: "Okay, okay. Clearly, we need to set some rules. Rule number one. You will not touch anything. Margo: Uh-huh. What about the floor? Gru: Yes, you may touch the floor. Margo: What about the air? Gru: Yes, you may touch the air! Edith: (Gets out a laser gun) What about this? Gru: (Screams) Where did you get that? Edith: [shrugs] Found it. Gru: Okay. Rule number two. You will not bother me while I'm working. Rule number three. You will not cry or whine or laugh or giggle or sneeze or burp or fart! So, no, no, no annoying sounds. All right? Agnes: Does this count as annoying? [popping] Gru: Very! [sighs] I will see you in six hours. Margo: Okay, don't worry. Everything's going to be fine. We're gonna be really happy here. Right? Agnes? Gru: Question. What are these? Dr. Nefario: A dozen boogie robots! Boogie! Look at this. Watch me! Gru: Cookie robots. I said cookie robots. Why are you so old? Dr. Nefario: Okay. I'm on it. Margo: Hello? Agnes: TV! Margo: What is that? Edith: Whoa! That is cool! Come on! Agnes: I don't think he's a dentist.Dr. Nefario: We've been working on this for a while. It's a anti-gravity serum. I meant to close that. He'll be all right, I'm sure. Gru: Do the effects wear off? Dr. Nefario: So far, no. No, they don't. And here, of course, is the new weapon you ordered. Gru: No, no. I said "dart gun," not... Okay. Dr. Nefario: Oh, yes. 'Cause I was wondering under what circumstances would we use this? But, anyway. What I really wanted to show you was this. Gru: Now those are cookie robots! Agnes: La, la, la, la I love unicorns Gru: What are you doing here? I told you to stay in the kitchen! Margo: We got bored. What is this place? Edith: Can I drink this? Dr. Nefario: Do you want to explode? [Edith kicks him in the shin] Dr. Nefario: Gru! Gru: Get back in the kitchen! Agnes: Will you play with us? Gru: No. Agnes: Why? Gru: Because I'm busy. Margo: [scoffs] Doing what? Gru: Umm... Okay, okay, you got me. The dentist thing is more of a hobby. In real life, I am a spy. And it is top secret, and you may not tell anybody, because if you do... Edith: What does this do? [She fires a laser and it hits Agnes's unicorn and it burns to ashes]Gru: Hey! Edith: Whoops. Agnes: My unicorn! You have to fix it. Gru: Fix it? Look, it has been disintegrated. By definition, it cannot be fixed. [Agnes gasps in shock, then starts holding her breath] Gru: That's freaking me out. What is she doing? Margo: She's gonna hold her breath until she gets a new one. Gru: [sighs] It is just a toy. Now stop it! (Agnes faints) Gru: Okay, okay! I'll fix it! Tim! Mark! Phil! This is very important. You have to get the little girl a new unicorn toy. Gru: Hey, hey, hey! A toy! Go, and hurry! What are those? Gru: They are my... Cousins. Jerry! Stuart! Watch them and keep them away from me please. [The three minions put on a disguise and head to the store.]Minions: Wow!- Wow! [Meanwhile the two minions and the girls are tossing toilet paper at each other. Gru comes up and he sees the Girls and the two minions having fun.]Edith: It was your cousin's idea. Jerry: What? Gru: Okay, bedtime. Girls: Aww... Minions: Aww... Gru: Not you two! Minions: Yay. Gru: Okey-dokey. Beddie-bye. All tucked in. Sweet dreams. Margo: Just so you know, you're never gonna be my dad. Gru: I think I can live with that. Edith: Are these beds made out of bombs? Gru: Yes, but they are very old and highly unlikely to blow up. But try not to toss and turn. Edith: "Cool." Agnes: Will you read us a bedtime story?" Gru: No. Agnes: But we can't go to sleep without a bedtime story. Gru: Well, then it's going to be a long night for you, isn't it? So, good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bed bugs bite. Because there are literally thousands of them. And there's probably something in your closet. Margo: He's just kidding, Agnes. Agnes: It's beautiful. Gru: Girls, let's go.

Time to deliver the cookies! Margo: Okay. But first, we're going to dance class. Gru: Actually, we're going to have to skip the dance class today. Margo: Actually, we can't skip the dance class today. We have a big recital coming up. We're doing an excerpt from Swan Lake. Agnes: Yeah, Swan Lake! Gru: That's fantastic. Wonderful. But we're going to deliver cookies! Come on! Margo: No. Gru: No? Margo: We're not going to deliver cookies until we do dance class. Really? Gru: Well, I am not driving you to dance class. So if you want to go, you are going to have to walk yourselves. What are you doing? Margo: Walking to dance class. Gru: Ya? Okay, fine. You just keep walking, because I'm really not driving you! Margo: Okay. Gru: You're going to suffer the wrath of Gru! Seriously, I'm going to count to three! And you had better be in this car! Here we go! One! Two! Teacher: ...three, four and five. And lift, and stretch. And one, and two... Agnes: Here you go. Gru: What is it? Agnes: Your ticket to the dance recital. You are coming, right? Gru: Of course, of course. I have pins and needles that I'm sitting on. Agnes: Pinkie promise? Gru: Oh, yes. My pinkie promises. All right. Our first customer is a man named Vector. Margo: But he's a V. You know, we're supposed to start with the A's. Then we go to the B's. Then we... Gru: Yes, yes! I went to kindergarten. I know how the alphabet works! I was just thinking that it might be nice to deliver Mr Vector's first. That is all. Almost over. It's almost over. Vector: Girls, welcome back to the fortress of Vector-tude! Do you have my cookies for me? Margo: Four boxes of mini-mints, two toffee totes, two caramel clumpies and fifteen boxes of coco-nutties. Vector: Exactly. I'd like to see somebody else order that many cookies. Not likely. Name one person who ordered more cookies than me. Margo: That'll be $52. Vector: Right. Seven, eight, nine... Tic Tacs! Where was I? Seven, eight, nine... Agnes: Why are you wearing pyjamas? Vector: These aren't pyjamas! This is a warm-up suit. Edith: What are you warming up for? Vector: Stuff. Agnes: What sort of stuff? Vector: Super-cool stuff you wouldn't understand. Agnes: Like sleeping? Vector: They are not pyjamas! Here you go, 52 big ones. Bye! Gru: Come on! Vector: What the...? Quiet down, fish. Down, boy!Gru: [laughs] We did it! Come on, girls, let's go! Margo: But what about the other people who ordered cookies? Gru: Life is full of disappointments... For some people. [chuckles ominously] Agnes: (Screams) Gru: Don't do that! Agnes: Super Silly Fun Land! Can we go? Please? Gru: No. Edith: But we've never been. And it's the funnest place on earth! Gru: "Don't care." Girls: Please? Please? We'll never ask for anything else, ever again! Pretty please? Please? Come on! Come on! Gru: "Light bulb." Edith: Come on! Gru: "Goodbye, have fun. [He began to leave. But a attendant of the roller coaster stopped him.]Carnival Ride Worker: Sorry, dude. They can't ride without an adult. Gru: What? [groans] [Soon Gru gets sick from the roller coaster ride.]Agnes: Oh, my gosh! Look at that fluffy unicorn! He's so fluffy, I'm gonna die! Margo: You've gotta let us play for it! Gru: No, no, no. Agnes: Come on! Gru: How much for the fluffy unicorn?Carnival Barker: Well, it is not for sale. But all you gotta do to win it is knock down that little spaceship there. It's easy! Agnes: Yay! Again! Margo: Wait! Edith: Come on. One more time! Agnes: Just one more. I accidentally closed my eyes. I hit it! I hit it! Edith: That was cool. Awww. Gru: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What was that? She hit that. I saw that with my own eyes.Carnival Barker: Hey, buddy, let me explain something to you. You see that little tin spaceship? You see how it's not knocked over? Do you know what that means, professor? It means you don't get the unicorn! Somebody's got a frowny face. Boo! Better luck next time! Gru: Okay, my turn. [Gru uses a fire gun and it blows up the whole booth.]Gru: "Knocked over!" Agnes: It's so fluffy! Yeah! Margo: That was

awesome! Edith: You blew up the whole thing! Agnes: Let's go. Let's try another game!Dr. Nefario: Gru, do you mind if I have a quick word? Gru: Okay, girls, go play. I got the shrink ray! Cotton candy! Dr. Nefario: We have 12 days until the moon is in optimum position. We can't afford any distractions! Gru: Get me Perkins. Sorry to bother you, Mr Perkins, but I figured that you would want to see this! Mr. Perkins: What? Well done, Gru. Rather impressive.Gru: Now, the rest of the plan is simple. I fly to the moon. I shrink the moon. I grab the moon. I sit on the toi-let. What? (girls start laughing) Sorry. Sorry! Could you excuse me for just one second? I told you not to touch my things. I told you, I told you. I've told you a thousand times. Margo: Hey, can we order pizza? Gru: Pizza? You just had lunch. Edith: Not now, for dinner. Gru: Dinner? Just... Fine, fine, fine, whatever. Just get back in there! Margo: Can we get stuffed crust? Agnes and Jerry: Stuffed crust!Gru: I'll stuff you all in the crust! Agnes: [giggles] You're funny! Gru: Just don't come out of that room again! All right. Sorry about that. Where were we? Mr. Perkins: You were sitting on the toilet. Gru: No, no, no! No, I'm sorry. It was a little attempt at humor. I know how much you like to laugh... [Mr. Perkins glares at him] Inside. Eh, now, I was saying... [the door suddenly opens] You don't seem terribly focused, Gru. Believe me, I am completely focused. Right? Edith: Hello! Mr. Perkins: What? Edith: That guy is huge! Agnes: Are we on TV? Mr. Perkins: What are those? Children?Gru: What are you doing? I told you to stay out of here! No, no, no! *Agnes: Freeze ray!Mr. Perkins: Mr Gru? Gru: Okay. As I was saying... Mr. Perkins: No need to continue. I've seen quite enough. Gru: But my plan... Mr. Perkins: Is a great plan. I love everything about your plan, except for one thing. You. Young Gru: Look, Mom, I drew a picture of me landing on the moon! Look, Mom, I made a prototype of the rocket out of macaroni! Look, Mom, I made a real rocket based on the macaroni prototype! Gru: I don't understand. Mr. Perkins: Let's face reality, Gru. You've been at this for far too long with far too little success. We're gonna put our faith, our money, into a... Well, a younger villain. Gru: But I... Mr. Perkins: It's over. Goodbye, Gru. Gru: Now, I know there have been some rumours going around that the bank is no longer funding us. Well, I am here to put those rumours to rest. They are true. In terms of money, we have no money. So how will we get to the moon? The answer is clear. We won't. We are doomed. Now would probably be a good time to look for other employment options. I know. I have fired up my resume as I suggest that all of you do, as well. What is it? Can't you see that I am in the middle of a pep talk? Yes! Yes, we will build our own rocket using this and whatever else we can find! Grab everything! Hit the junkyards! Take apart the cars! Who needs the bank? Let's go. Let's go! Mom! What are you doing here? Gru's Mom: And here he is in the bathtub. Look at his little buns. Gru: Mom. Not cool. Gru's Mom: And here, he's all dressed up in his Sunday best. Margo: He looks like a girl! Gru's Mom: Yes, he does. An ugly girl! Agnes: You're funny! Edith: Yes! Mine's shaped like a dead guy! Receptionist: Mr. Perkins, your son is here. Mr. Perkins: Send him in. Vector: Hey, Dad. You wanted to see me? Mr. Perkins: Yes, I did, Victor. - Vector: I am not Victor anymore. Victor was my nerd name. Now I am Vector! Mr. Perkins: Sit down. Do you know where the shrink ray is? Vector: Duh! Back at my place. Mr. Perkins: Oh, is that right? Back at your place? That's cool. I guess Gru must just have one that looks exactly like it! Vector: What the...?! Those girls sold me cookies! Mr. Perkins: Do you have any idea how lucrative this moon heist could be? I give you the opportunity of a lifetime, and you just blow it! Vector: No, I didn't. Mr. Perkins: Oh, really?Vector: You just wait until Gru sees my latest weapon. Squid-launcher! Oh, yeah! Man:

There's a squid on my face!Vector: Don't worry. The moon is as good as ours. Gru: Come on now, it's bedtime. Did you brush your teeth? Let me smell. Let me smell. You did not! Put on your PGs. Hold still. Okay, seriously! Seriously! This is beddie-bye time, right now. I'm not kidding around. I mean it! Edith: But we're not tired! Gru: Well, I am tired. Agnes: Will you read us a bedtime story? [pause] Gru: No. Agnes: Pretty please? Gru: The physical appearance of the "please" makes no difference. It is still no, so go to sleep. Edith: But we can't. We're all hyper! Margo: And without a bedtime story, we'll just keep getting up and bugging you. All night long. Gru: [sighs] Fine. All right, all right. Sleepy Kittens. Sleepy Kittens? What are these? Agnes: Puppets. You use them when you tell the story. Gru: Okay, let's get this over with. "Three little kittens loved to play, they had fun in the sun all day. "Then their mother came out and said, 'Time for kittens to go to bed."' Wow! This is garbage. You actually like this? Agnes: Keep reading! Edith: Come on! Gru: All right, all right, all right. "Three little kittens started to bawl, "'Mommy, we're not tired at all.' "Their mother smiled and said with a purr, "'Fine, but at least you should brush your fur."' Edith: Now you brush the fur. Gru: This is literature? A 2-year-old could have written this. All right. "Three little kittens with fur all brushed "said, 'We can't sleep, we feel too rushed! ' "Their mother replied, with a voice like silk, "'Fine, but at least you should drink your milk."' Agnes: Now make them drink the milk. Gru: I don't like this book. This is going on forever. "Three little kittens, with milk all gone, rubbed their eyes and started to yawn. "'We can't sleep, we can't even try.' Then their mother sang a lullaby. "'Good night kittens, close your eyes. Sleep in peace until you rise. "'Though while you sleep, we are apart, "'your mommy loves you with all her heart."' The end. Okay, good night. Agnes: Wait! Gru: What? Agnes: What about good night kisses? Gru: No, no. There will be no kissing or hugging or kissing. Margo: He is not gonna kiss us good night, Agnes. Agnes: I like him. He's nice.Edith: [turns off her light] But scary. Like Santa! Dr. Nefario: Only 48 hours till the launch, and all systems are go. Gru: About that, I was thinking that maybe we could move the date of the heist. Dr. Nefario: Please tell me this is not as a result of the girls' dance recital, is it? Gru: No, no, no! The recital? Don't... That's stupid! I just think it's kind of weird to do it on a Saturday. I was thinking, maybe a heist is a Tuesday thing, right? Dr. Nefario: Gru, you and I have been working on this for years. It's everything we've dreamed of. Your chance to make history, become the man who stole the moon! But these girls are becoming a major distraction! They need to go. If you don't do something about it, then I will. Gru: I understand. Dr. Nefario: Good. Minion: Butt. Butt. Butt. Gru: All right. Now, when we put our cups together, we will make the "clink" sound with our mouths. Ready? Edith? Gru: and Edith: Clink. Gru: There we go. And now we drink. And Agnes? Gru and Agnes: Clink. Gru: Very good! Excuse me, girls. Girls: Come on! Gru: Don't worry, I'll be back. Keep clinking. - Clink, clink. - Clink, clink.Gru: Miss Hattie, what are you doing here? Miss Hattie: I'm here for the girls. I received a call that you wanted to return them. [Gru gives her a quizzical look] And also, I did purchase a Spanish dictionary. [swats Gru's head with the dictionary] I didn't like what you said. Gru: But... I will get the girls ready. Agnes: Don't let her take us, Mr. Gru! Tell her you wanna keep us. Mrs. Hattie: All right, girls. Come on, let's go. Margo: Goodbye, Mr. Gru. Thanks for everything. Dr. Nefario: I did it for your own good. Come on, let's go get that moon. Gru: Right. What is this for? The recital? I am the greatest criminal mind of the century. I don't go to little girls' dance recitals! Dr. Nefario: Opening launch bay

doors. Commencing launch sequence. And we are good to go in T minus 10 seconds. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six... Vector: Oh, yeah! Gru: Nice work, Doctor. All systems go. Vector: Boo-ya! My flight suit. Oh, yeah! Once again, the mighty... Gru: I've got it! I've got the moon! I've got the moon. I can make it. Dr. Nefario: Wait a minute! Jerry: Kevin! Gru: Come on! Come on! Agnes: He's still not here. Margo: Why would he come? He gave us up. Agnes: But he pinkie promised! Teacher: Girls, girls, places. Edith: No, we can't start yet! We're still expecting someone. Agnes: Can we just wait a few more minutes? Teacher: All right. But just a few more minutes. Margo: He's not coming, guys. Dr. Nefario: Gru! Gru, can you hear me? Quick, we have to warn him, and fast!Gru: Okay, okay. There's the library. That's Third Street. The dance studio... There! There! There it is! Janitor: Sorry, buddy. Show's over.Gru: Over? Gru: Vector, open up! Vector: First give me the moon. Then we'll talk. Agnes: Mr. Gru! Vector: Zip it, Happy Meal. Gru: Now, the girls. Vector: Actually, I think I'll hold on to them a little while longer. Gru: No! Vector: Oh, yeah! Unpredictable! Gru: Listen close, you little punk. When I get in there, you are in for a world of pain! Vector: [laughs sarcastically] I'm really scared. Agnes: He is gonna kick your butt. Vector: What? He punched my shark! Dr. Nefario: There he is! Hang on, Gru. Oh, no! Gru: Vector has the girls. Go! Dr. Nefario: What happened to the ship? It's big again! Not as big as the moon is going to be! Gru: What? Dr. Nefario: The larger the mass of an object, the quicker the effects of the shrink ray wear off! I call it the Nefario Principle. I just came up with it now, actually. Gru: Oh, no! Margo: Did you see that? Girls: Vector! Help! Vector! Over here! Vector: Hey! What are you girls doing back there? Girls: The moon! Watch out! Vector: Ouch! Gru: Get as close in as you can. You got it. Margo: Mr Gru, up here! Agnes and Edith: Mr Gru! Gru: Okay, girls! Girls! You're going to have to jump. Edith: Jump? Are you insane? Gru: Don't worry, I will catch you. Margo: You gave us back! Gru: I know, I know. And it is the worst mistake I ever made. But you have to jump now. Margo: It'll be okay. Gru: Okay, girls. Margo: Jump now! Gru: Margo, I will catch you. And I will never let you go again. Vector: Not so fast! Gru: No! Margo: Let me go! Gru: Margo! I'm coming, Margo. Hang on! I got you.Vector: No! Oh, poop. News Reporter: This time, good triumphs, and the moon has been returned to its rightful place in the sky. But once again, law enforcement is baffled, leaving everyone to wonder, who is this mysterious hero? And what will he do next? Gru: Okay, girls. Time for bed. Edith: Come on! We want a story. Agnes: Three sleepy kittens! Gru: Oh, no! Sorry. That book was accidentally destroyed maliciously. Tonight we are going to read a new book. This one is called One Big Unicorn by... Who wrote this? Me! I wrote it. Look, it's a puppet book! Here, watch this. That's the horn! Agnes: This is gonna be the best book ever! Gru: Not to pat myself on the back, but, yes, it probably will be. Here we go. "One big unicorn, strong and free "thought he was happy as he could be. "Then three little kittens came around "and turned his whole life upside down." Edith: Hey, that one looks like me! Gru: No, what are you talking about? These are kittens! Any relation to persons living or dead is completely coincidental. "They made him laugh. "They made him cry. "He never should have said goodbye. "And now he knows he could never part "from those three little kittens "that changed his heart. "The end." Okay, all right. Good night. Margo: I love you. Gru: I love you, too. No, no! All right. Didn't I get you already? They're very good! Gru's Mom: I'm so proud of you, Son. You've turned out to be a great parent! Just like me. Maybe even better. Gru: No, I'm fine. Go ahead. No, no, no! THE END Hey, Carl! Hey. No, no, no. Me, me, me. John? No, no. Me, me, me. Oh,

poop. Oh, no! Stop! Stop! Hello, I am Gru. Back to work, back to work! Back to…

IS THIS THE ENTIRE FUCKING SCRIPT?

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toutallyahoe · 4 years

Text

Bad Start, Good End ~ Aziraphale (Good Omens)

Requested By: --

A/N: this sucks

but i am too lazy to do something about it hnnnn anyways, might rewrite it but we all know i wont so... fuck

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Today was an awful day.

Simply awful, that's what [Name] had concluded as he quickened his pace to not get caught by the cries of the heavens above pouring down to the earth. But alas, he was already soaked to the bone. His used to be clean and dry suit already ruined with the fabric clinging onto his skin which annoyed him greatly. His [Hair color] hair was a wet mess. The sloshing sound of his wet sock covered feet inside his shoes made him cringe from how wet and disgusting it is.

And not to forget that the [Hair color] haired man clearly knows the paperwork he had done earlier inside the brown briefcase he was holding is absolutely ruined and thinking about it, he will restart his report again. What a pain...

Muttering curses on the heavens above on why was he being cursed with this awful bad luck right now. [Name] was so done.

Was it because he did not help that kid in the park earlier that day on getting his ball off of the tree? That brat deserves that crap! That little brat was being a dick from messing with those poor ducks that was passing by to go to the lake.

Sighing, the [Hair color] haired man looked around where he was going to and saw no one on the streets, well, it was quite obvious with the pouring rain. Another sigh left his lips as the man looked at the heavens above, the rain hitting his face as he glared at the sky. Anger can be seen in his [Eye color] eyes yet also just tiredness and despair.

"God, why do you make me suffer today?" [Name] had asked to no one in particular as he then looked back in front of him to find whatever to help him shelter from the weather.

Continuing his walking the [Hair color] haired man would look around to find any shops that were open to atleast shelter his soaked form until the rain pass. But none seemed to be that welcoming. Especially how every building seemed to make him be like the plague as they locked their doors.

Clack

The sound of his shoes hitting the wet pavement as the droplets of water continue to hit his [Skin colorp skin. It was honestly annoying as the [Hair color] haired man often cringe when he had stepped on a very large puddle on the street. His already soaking wet shoes and sock making him shudder.

"I should have paid attention to that weatherman," [Name] grumbled, thinking back earlier when he was still groggy and tired that he zoned out from whatever the newscaster were saying in his television when he was about to start brewing some coffee to start the day, only to then realize the time was ticking and panicking on it.

Sighing, the [Hair color] haired man was clearly wishing he did bring his umbrella to work but the day did not went his way. Going to work three minutes late which that one person who seemed to have some bone to pick with him (he didn't know what ever he dont to them but they're an asshole to him) won't stop ranting on how he was a disgraceful worker for being late. It did not help how [Name] had not drank his coffee nor had eaten breakfast which his mood was very thin. Causing him to snap at that pompous prick and it lead to him getting a warning for it.

"I hate this..." [Name] [Last name], the name of our poor man, had said as he stopped walking. The rain hitting the earth and him aswell, yet he didn't know what to do now. He was already wet and everything. This was not his day.

Looking at where he was, [Name] let out a sigh of relief to see a building that maybe he can hide away from the rain. The [Hair color] haired male prayed to whatever deities that was looking at him from the clouds above that he won't get kicked out for being soaking wet and not get yelled at with probably soaking the whatever tacky carpet in the shop he would come in to shelter for a bit.

Approaching the building, [Name] took mind that it looked rather homey, on the outside it is. [Name] was never one to judge in appearance... most of the time. Looking at the building once more, [Name] did not seem to recognize the building. Well, it was a bookstore. The door had a sign that said it was open which [Name] was thankful for and hoped he won't be disturbing anyone when he comes inside.

Opening the door, he stood there with a bit hesitation clearly seen in his form. Was this considered rude to come in being soaked to the bone? God, he hoped not. The [Hair color] haired man sighed, let's hope the owner or the clerk gives him some slack and sympathy to atleast let him shelter until the storm passes or only had drizzled left.

Aziraphale did not expect anyone to come in inside his bookstore. His little bookstore was something not many would go to, really. Often times, he gets people coming in his little bookstore for they had mistaken his with the other bookstore in the next street from his.

Aziraphale did not mind though. In fact, the sole reason he had this bookstore was merely an upfront for it was only a place where he could store his books that he collected from the centuries he had lived. After all, being an angel who looked after the earth had it's perks and one of them is getting to see how humanity evolved. May it be good or not, he saw a lot. And also collected a lot. In form of books, that is.

So, angel of the Almighty, Aziraphale did not expect the door of his little shop to have the bell's jingle, stating that someone had entered. The white haired angel was confused. Who on earth would come inside in such a weather to get a book? But whatever he had thought, the angel had to welcome the newcomer and also say that none of the books inside the shop was for sale. Only be looked but never to be sold. Ever.

Rounding up the corner, Aziraphale looked mildly shock and perhaps a bit miffed on what he saw. A [Hair color] haired man, soaked to the bone. His suit was wet and in no doubt that the briefcase he was carrying that whatevers inside that was ruined. But what caught the angel's was that the man looked so helpless. It made the angel's mood quickly change for shock and annoyed to pity and compassion.

Aziraphale saw the man's eyebrows were furrowed as he looked around like he was looking for something, occasionally shivering as he stayed at the door. Not really coming inside and the white haired being didn't know if he should be glad or disappointed. Especially how the man may be dripping on the floor of the shop but he still stayed there on the door to not cause more. Clearly, the man was hesitant to come in inside to damage the flooring of his quaint little bookshop.

"Um... hello?" There was shakiness on the man's voice that Aziraphale noticed. The poor fellow was in no doubt shivering and soaked, the angel decided to help the poor man. He need to as the [Hair color] haired man was shivering a lot and Aziraphale remembered that humans were weak creatures who should not be exposed in these types of weather or else they would get sick, or worse, die.

"Hello?" Aziraphale had softly said as he smiled warmly at the [Hair color] haired man as he calmly approached the man. The angel saw the [Hair color] haired man had sent him a shaky and apologetic look. "Welcome, what can I help you with?" Asked the angel. Knowing what the human really needed but Aziraphale wanted to be a good host, and also to not cause any misunderstandings.

"Well... um... sorry for the inconvenience," Aziraphale was surprised with the man's words. Why would he apologize? "But, I just needed to shelter for the rain for a bit. I'll be gone when it lessens but if you want to kick me out, umm, I'll go," the [Hair color] haired man sent a smile. Nervous he was and the angel knew that. It caused Aziraphale's chest clench a bit. This poor man.

"Ah! Nonsense," said Aziraphale. A welcoming smile in his lips as he approached the man on the door. "Please come inside, you are soaked to the bone!"

The man let out a hearty laugh but shakes his head in disagreement. "It is alright... I don't want to inconvenience you any further sir," he had said. The angel would have none of that though.

"No, it is alright! I insist," Aziraphale had said as he saw the [Hair color] haired man hesitate.

"A... are you sure? I don't want to ruin this shop's flooring," the [Hair color] haired man frowned as he looked around then settled his gaze to Aziraphale's form. "I can just stand here... to... not cause any more problems..." Aziraphale heard him mutter.

"No, no! It is alright, you need assistance and I am happy to assist you," Aziraphale urged and the man bit his bottom lip, thinking his options but nodded, albeit a bit hesitant. The white haired being saw him placed his briefcase on the floor as he fully went inside and closed the door. The angel knew that whatever was inside was in no doubt ruined.

"Should I take my shoes off to not cause more problem...?" Aziraphale couldn't help but smile at the man's insistence of not causing more inconvenience. Shaking his head in disagreement, he smiled at the man.

"It is alright," Aziraphale had said. "Now come, I think I can help dry you up for a bit," the man seemed to be hesitant and Aziraphale seemed to realized why.

"Oh! Do not worry, I will not do anything to you," the angel assured as a he felt his cheeks heat up. Was he to straight forward for that? Maybe he should just offered to give the man a towel. Thoughts muddled with his mistake, the angel did not noticed the man's amusement... but the angel did feel it. A bit that is.

"Thank you..." Aziraphale heard the [Hair color] haired man softly muttered. The angel's eyes soften as he brightly smiled at his visitor.

"It is no problem," Aziraphale had said. "Now come, you looked soaked to the bone!"

[Name] sat comfortably in one of the white haired being's couch as he took a sip from the tea the other had brewed. The [Hair color] haired man in a different clothing than his soaked suit that the other had lent him. Insisted on him wearing until his clothes dry off in the washer. Surprisingly, the clothes that the kind owner was to his own taste of style and also fits well with his form. It was a miracle to have clothes fitting for him, oddly enough. [Name] brushed it off as coincidence though.

The [Hair color] haired man, although felt guilty with practically mooching off with this nice owner of the small bookshop he stumbled on, felt glad too. This was probably one of the good things that had happened to his day as he watch the other man (named Aziraphale as what the white haired had introduced himself when he realized he never did) talking about one of the books he has.

[Name] had to admit, Aziraphale had an impressive collection of books. It honestly baffled him to see a very old yet still well preserved copy of William Shakespeare's books. Aziraphale had told, well, more so bragged, about how the books of the store were the very first copies and very rare edition of books from the centuries of past writers. And [Name] in no doubt believed Aziraphale's words.

The [Hair color] haired male had hung to every word that left Aziraphale's lips with awe plastered on his face. Aziraphale was currently telling a story about this one particular book he had that one costumer was so adamant on buying. Few chuckles leaving his lips when Aziraphale's face would show annoyance and irritation on that person who had shouted at him for not selling the book. It was amusing. [Name] had a smile on his face as he listened to Aziraphale's tales.

Aziraphale felt himself be happy and content on the bright and calming feeling he felt from the [Hair color] haired male he had helped. It was a nice feeling to help someone in need as the angel also did not miss the smile that never left [Name]'s lips as he told some amusing stories that happened in his quaint little bookshop or how he obtained some of his books.

The white haired being couldnt help but appreciate the [Hair color] haired man's presence. [Name] had a calming aura surrounding him and the aura of joy just radiating him was something Aziraphale welcome wholeheartedly. It was nice.

Aziraphale was worried for the [Hair color] haired human when he entered his shop. He was a shivering mess and he looked absolutely tired and done with life. The angel fully knew that [Name] had an awful day, but even so, [Name] didn't projected that anger and tiredness out to anyone. The [Hair color] haired man acted like a proper gentleman and Aziraphale was both happy and also rather sad about that.

Aziraphale was happy, in no doubt. [Name] had thought of others before him (not like a certain demonic friend of his who would blow off to anything to inconvenience him) but the angel was also sad because the poor man looked so done and tired when he entered the shop. Aziraphale knew [Name] was so hesitant on coming inside through his mannerism and the human's constant worried glances whenever he walks inside the shop in his soaked up form.

When Aziraphale had miracled some fitting clothes to the [Hair color] haired man and assured him that it was fine, the angel couldn't help but think on things to help [Name]. Aziraphale saw [Name] was a good man and the white haired being just wanted to help. After all, Aziraphale is a servant of the Almighty, and the Almighty would be happy to see her servants are helping her beloved creation. Not to mention Aziraphale just felt that [Name] needed something good to happen to him with all the things he had been through.

So here the two now, sitting comfortable in the white haired being's couches. Having tea and talking to each other with the air of calmness and content. Both [Name] and Aziraphale had smiles on their lips as they talked on things they had like. Spending time until the rain passed.

#good omens #go #good omens aziraphale #aziraphel #aziraphale #aziraphale x male reader #good omens x male reader #x male reader #seme male reader #male reader insert #fluff #male reader #top male reader #dom male reader

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justanotherlifeff · 4 years

Text

Levi Ackerman × reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, matured themes, slowburn

Warning: There's mentions and descriptions of underage rape and suicidal themes and self harm and other triggering stuff.

(Y/N) POV

"You want my advice on where to buy a house?" Hanji asked, completely confused. I personally was confused too because it was obvious that Hanji would give some really psychotic answer. Even if I didn't consider that, it was not like Levi to ask for advice about something as personal as buying a house. Though it struck to me as unusual, I decided to let it off my head. "What about a house in Ragako? Your kid would get to see a titan before even joining the survey corps!" Hanji advised with her psychotic expression. "Shouldn't have asked you" Levi muttered as an answer to Hanji before turning to me and asking, "How about asking the squad? Aren't you close to them?". I was getting suspicious of his behaviour but I chose to keep quiet about it. " Uh...sure?" I answered to that. "Okay. They should be at the common hall after lunch. We could see them there" Levi muttered as he ate the stew.

We walked towards the common room when we were done having lunch. "Levi, are you feeling well?" I asked him on our way as I was feeling suspicious of his behaviour. "Huh? No, I'm fine. Why?" Levi asked raising an eyebrow. "Uh.. Well, it's not like you to ask for advice from anyone except uncle Erwin. It just seemed a bit odd" (Y/N) replied. "(Y/N), what part of this whole thing isn't odd? Do I look like the kind of guy who would get married, have kids, buy a house and all that shit? However, exactly that is happening and, well, I guess I have to do things that I wouldn't normally do." Levi explained himself. I decided that his explanation was fair enough and didn't question him more. "Oh, by the way, you'll do the talking. They're your batch mates after all" Levi added as he walked with me.

"You guys, we need help to choose where to get a house. It would've been helpful if you all had any suggestions." I told the squad. They were all in the common room as Levi predicted. I heard Historia was here but I didn't expect to find her with the others. "Well, you could get one at Dauper village. The scenic beauty there is amazing!" Sasha exclaimed. "You could visit the farmhouse I grew up in. I'll make an orphanage there later and you can keep your kids in my care when you all go to expeditions." Historia chimed in. "Oi, (Y/N), leave all that and try my house in Trost. It's the safest district now as the gate is blocked." Jean bragged. "Well, since you've given us so many options, let's just give all of it a shot" Levi told them.

"So, you're proposing that we will visit all of those places? That will take some time..." I told Levi, expressing my concern. "Well, we don't have much to do here. Everyone, saddle your horses. We are leaving in an hour." Levi commanded. It was decided that we would visit Dauper first, have some snacks at Sasha's home. Second, we would go to Historia's farmhouse. From there, we would go to Trost, see some properties for sale there, and come back to Capital Mitras by midnight. Sasha, Levi and myself were going for the trip.

Two hours later

We rode to Dauper with Sasha on lead. When we reached Sasha's home, a horde of children and villagers were in front of Sasha's home. Everyone came to see Sasha, now a member of the most elite squad of the survey corps. The way her father boasted about her to the villagers made me wonder, what if I had a father like that? Mr (L/N), my adoptive father tried his best and I respect him dearly for that, but, he never really bragged about me to people. I was home-schooled because of my reputation after all. I barely got out of my home, except for, of course, training sessions with uncle Erwin. As I thought about it, I realised that maybe it was my fault. After all, I never gave him much of a chance to boast.

Having a daughter who murdered one of his fellow comrades must've been hard enough for him. People glanced at us as they didn't expect to see Levi with a woman. Sure, I was on the front page of the newspaper once, but I was no where near as popular as Levi. Sasha's father cooked squirrel meat for us with Sasha but we couldn't finish eating it because I found three centipedes crawling on the table and discovered that I'm terrified of them.

They looked horrible and I probably never felt my heart stop like this before, not even when I came across titans. Levi decided that the place was too unsanitary and living in the middle of a forest will surely bring more insects, and thus, without much delay, we went for Historia's farmhouse. Sasha asked for permission to stay with her father for a while and Levi granted it. I doubted if he was becoming a softie due to my pregnancy.

The farmhouse was a really nice place but Levi decided that it's too far away from any market place and permanently living there is impossible because of that. After going to Trost, we browsed a few properties and we found one that seemed suiting. The house was near the inner walls, not too far from the market, had a nice front yard and back yard. It had three bedrooms, two of which were upstairs, a sitting room, a dining room and a big kitchen.

There were bathrooms in all of the bedrooms and the master bedroom even had a tub. The house being in Trost made things more convenient because, after all, the next expedition will be commenced from Trost. Levi booked the house and filling out the paperwork took long enough. By the time we reached Capital Mitras, it was already 11:45. "That was a long day. I really need some rest now." I yawned as I went for Levi's room with Levi behind me. The room was dark when I went in and suddenly, I felt someone jump at me.

No one's POV

An hour before lunch

As Hanji was taking (Y/N)'s report card and birth certificate to Erwin's office, she noticed something on the birth certificate. (Y/N)'s birthday was tomorrow. The walls were in peace and this was (Y/N)'s first birthday after joining the Survey corps, so, Hanji decided that it should be celebrated. With that in her mind, she went to Erwin's office to find Historia discussing something with Erwin. "I've got (Y/N)'s documents" Hanji reported. Erwin took the papers from her as she started mentioning, "I noticed that (Y/N)'s birthday is tomorrow. As her friend, I wanted the permission to celebrate it?".

"I see. Well, I don't recall the (L/N)s ever celebrating her birthday. Probably because the date on her birth certificate is the date when she got rescued. We had no way of knowing her real birthday. I think it would be a nice gesture. Permission granted." Erwin answered. "Hanji-san? Can I help with the arrangements? (Y/N) owed me a cake" Historia chimed in. "Yes.. Of course, your highness" Hanji answered, shocked by Historia's sudden interest in doing something about (Y/N)'s birthday.

"We can plan things in your office, yes?" Historia inquired with a smile. "Yes, of course. Feel free to come by whenever you want. I'll be there." Hanji smiled before leaving the room. She went to her office to find Moblit arranging her books. He always managed to help her out about staying tidy. She assumed that if Moblit wasn't around, Levi probably would've died of a heart attack after visiting Hanji's office. After all, he did knock her out to make her take a bath a couple of times.

"Hey, Moblit, we need to hurry things up. Queen Historia might visit my office soon. She probably won't appreciate the mess." Hanji told Moblit as she walked towards her table and took a handful of books to put in her shelf. "Hanji-san... Did (Y/N) talk to you?" Moblit asked Hanji in a meek voice as he picked up some books from the floor. "Yes she did. When are we going on that date?" Hanji asked, with a tint of blush on her face as she kept the books on the shelf.

The books in Moblit's hands fell to the floor as Moblit asked with shock written all over his face, "You're really considering it?". "Why won't I?" Hanji asked, slightly confused. After all, she assumed, that it would be obvious that she would consider it as Moblit had been always beside her, reminding her to eat or sleep when she overworked herself on her experiments. He was always worried for her well being and Hanji found it alluring beyond measure. Before further words could be exchanged between the newly formed couple, Historia entered the room.

"Hanji-san, could we plan the preparation now? My meeting with Commander Erwin is done and I hoped to make plans on the arrangements for (Y/N)'s birthday before going back to the castle." Historia said. "Yes, of course. I was planning to get (Y/N) busy in something and arrange a surprise party for her? Nothing too fancy of course, just Levi squad, Commander Erwin and my squad since she doesn't have much friends. We could arrange it in Levi's office since the state of it is not quiet. Great." Hanji explained as she pointed at the huge piles of books and torn papers on the floor. "I see. Shouldn't we inform everyone about the party in that case? I will arrange the food and anything else you would need for decoration." Historia answered.

"Ah, yes. Moblit, ask Levi squad and Commander Erwin to come to my office immediately." Hanji commanded Moblit as he ran off to get everyone. Everyone except Levi was there in a few minutes. "Hanji-san, I didn't find Levi Heichou anywhere" Moblit informed Hanji. "I didn't expect you to find him. He's busy" Hanji answered with a smirk recalling about how she walked onto them a while back. The plan was explained to everyone before they went for lunch. The plan was simple, Erwin mentioned that Levi was supposed to buy a house and thus that could be used as an excuse to get (Y/N) away from Levi's room.

Everyone with a hometown was told to act like their hometown is the best place to get a house and Levi was supposed to get (Y/N) to go take a look at the places. "She should be getting married as soon as possible. After all, rumours about her pregnancy has already been spreaded and that will give her a bad image if she isn't married. This could also help then speed up the process. " Erwin sighed. All that was left to do was letting Levi know about the plan. "Erwin, I'll send Levi when he arrives for lunch. Could you please inform him about the plan?" Hanji asked Erwin. "Yes. Of course." Erwin answered before going back to his office

During lunch

"So, you're saying that I will have to ask for advice from some kids from my squad about where I'll buy a house and you think that (Y/N) won't suspect anything. Erwin, did you hit your head somewhere?" Levi answered to Erwin after Erwin said the plan to him. "Levi, do you have a better plan? After all, everything you are doing nowadays is quiet...unusual. A few months back, if anyone told me that you'd get my niece pregnant and try to marry her in a matter of about two months, I'd laugh at them. You can probably make this excuse to some use too." Erwin said in a serious tone.

"Okay. I trust your judgement. I'll use your reasoning to try to make (Y/N) think that all these isn't a hoax." Levi simply answered before leaving Erwin's office. He wondered how he could bring the topic up, given that he normally wouldn't just ask for advice from random people. Suddenly it struck to him. Hanji was a good friend and asking Hanji at the beginning would raise less suspicion. Plus, Hanji would definitely be surprised at his way of changing the plan as asking Hanji wasn't included. "Hanji, where do you reckon we should buy a house?" he asked. Hanji's expression was just what he hoped for.

As phase 1 of the plan was successfully completed, phase 2 was taking place. Levi's office was more than clean and tidy enough so, Hanji and the others didn't have to get bothered with that. Connie and Armin were sent to bring garlands for decorating the office by a tad bit while Historia's castle chefs were already cooking the dinner. By the time everything came together, it was already 11 pm. The food were placed in trays, Sasha, who arrived at 10 pm was kept in a different room so that she won't eat everything up, a garland was placed on Levi's table and the room was cleaned by Eren after all the decoration was done since so many people walking around made the room quiet dirty and Eren insisted that if it isn't cleaned, Levi would take all of their heads.

Hanji couldn't disagree much about that. Levi was supposed to get (Y/N) in the room just at 12 and the room was supposed to be darkened and Hanji personally planned to jump at her and give her a hug. The plan went perfectly till Hanji went for the hug and got thrown on her ass by (Y/N).

Levi POV

I honestly saw that coming. Sure, I was able to book a house thanks to this whole plan but I was completely sure that if anyone jumps at (Y/N) in the darkness, they would be flipped in the air. At least I would do that for sure. The lamps were turned on after Hanji was thrown to the ground and (Y/N) looked genuinely surprised by all the decorations. "What's the meaning of all these?" she asked softly, her voice filled with curiosity.

"Well, we were trying to surprise you for your birthday. I mean, we don't know your real birthday but this is what's on your birth certificate so... Hey, you didn't have to throw me so hard." Hanji muttered while getting up. "I... I thought you were a burglar... Thank you. All of you. " (Y/N)'s voice cracked as she said this. A small smile formed on her lips while a single drop of tear escaped her eye. Right then Sasha barged inside the room with Connie running behind her to catch her. I was slightly annoyed because of this as I was quiet enjoying (Y/N)'s reaction.

I expected her to react like that because, as Erwin mentioned, she never had a birthday before. I had to admit, even I had birthdays when my mother was alive. It wasn't much, my mother cooked a chicken stew with the low grade chicken stock and bony pieces of chicken she would get in the market. Back then, it was the most delicious thing I had ever eaten, but, that was probably because she was an amazing cook. We would have a good Christmas dinner as well as a birthday treat as both were in the same day.

"There are two cakes... Meat... Bread... Steamed potato..." Sasha whispered as she was shaking. "(Y/N) asked me to get you a cake remember? I decided that I'll get one only for you" Historia told Sasha. To that, Sasha fell on her knees saying, "I've been blessed by goddesses!" while crying.

The smile on (Y/N)'s face was growing larger by the second as everyone wished her happy birthday. She hugged Erwin, and surprisingly, Hanji too. As she was talking to the squad, mostly thanking them, I walked to Erwin and said, "I booked a house in Trost. Seems like you were right about using this situation to speed up the process of the wedding.". "I see. I recommend that you buy the furniture from the retailer who makes our office furniture. After all, that desk I'm using now has been used for decades." Erwin answered. "I'll consider it" I replied to that.

The cake was cut, everyone had dinner, and when it was time to leave, I called Eren and told him, "Oi Eren, clean the room. I'll give you 30 minutes.". Saying that, I walked towards (Y/N), who was saying goodnight to Hanji as she was leaving. " (Y/N), Eren will clean the room. Let's go to the balcony here." I told her. She followed me to the balcony in the east wing. The last time I came here, I was with Farlan and Isabel. We didn't move to the headquarters back then as there wasn't much time before the expedition. The scouts were in wall Sina for the mission of picking us up from the underground. We moved to the headquarters in Wall Maria after that mission.

I've been in this branch after loosing Farlan and Isabel but, I never tried to go back to that balcony. Being here with (Y/N) made me feel emotions that I stopped feeling long ago. What if Farlan and Isabel were alive? They would've been very happy about the fact that I will get married. I was sitting exactly where I sat all those years ago and (Y/N) sat where Farlan did. "They wrote 'Happy 19th birthday (Y/N)' on the cake" (Y/N) said with a chuckle. I raised an eyebrow at her and asked, "Aren't you 19?". (Y/N) looked away from me at the starry sky.

"I don't know. They assumed my age before taking me to the (L/N)s. My pimp apparently told them that I was working there for two years. I looked too young and malnourished, so, they decided that I was 7 as any child under 5 couldn't survive rape. There was no way of knowing my actual age, my actual birthday, my real parents, anything. All I remember about my birth mother is a name. They searched the birth registers because selling off a minor is a crime but they didn't find anyone of that name. That, however, is common in the underground." (Y/N) sighed.

"(Y/N), you'll be a better mother than yours. Our child won't face things like that. We will make sure of it. Maybe, that would give both of us some peace." I answered to (Y/N). I didn't know a better way to make her feel better. "You're right." (Y/N) told me with a smile. Her strength amazed me. I stared at her for a moment. She, indeed, was the most beautiful woman I ever laid my eyes on.

To be continued...

Taglist: @reality-is-often-disappointing, @kingtamakimurder

#levi aot #shingeki no kyoujin levi #levi attack on titan #levi x reader #levi x fem!reader #levi×reader #levi #levi ackerman

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traciedemars · 5 years

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Upcoming Free (& non-promotional) Home Buyer Classes: Home Showings 101...home buyer & seller education www.traciedemars.com Saturday, February 8th, from 9am-12pm (ish) Marshall Community Center, conference room 1009 E. McLoughlin Blvd, Vancouver WA (kitty corner from Clark College) Tuesday, February 11th, from 5pm - 8pm (ish) Marshall Community Center, Conference room 1009 E McLoughlin Blvd, Vancouver WA (kitty corner from Clark College) Saturday, February 22nd, from 12pm-3pm (ish) Vancouver YMCA, conference room 11324 NE 51st Circle, Vancouver WA (corner of SR500 & Gher Road/112th Ave). If these class dates and/or times don't work for you, please let us know. We understand that you have lives, and families, and work. We will work something out that works better with your schedule. Just let us know.... ....we also have home seller classes available too...look for link on top of website Happy February! Finally....January is over...not that it was the longest month ever, or anything like that... The beginning of the year is a good time to sell your home (if you've been thinking about it), and it's a time where a lot of folks who have been thinking about buying a home start the pre-approval process. This months blog is going to address something that is important for both sellers, and buyers....showing homes. Let's talk about this...the funnest, and the scariest part... As we've talked about in the past, there's a process to buying (and even selling) a home.... first, you take a home buyer (or home seller) class, second, you move on to getting pre-approved. Yes, even if you are selling a home, you want to get pre-approved before you go looking for your next home. For a seller (who is going to be a homebuyer when their home sells) part of the information you will be giving to your lender is the guesstimated amount that you'll receive from the sale of your current home...your Realtor will help with this. When you are buying a home, your Realtor is here to help you with your home adventure, and while yes, this is kind of scary...it is a lot of fun. Whether this is your first home, or your 3rd, or 5th, or whatever...with a pre-approval & your Realtor, you are ready for the 'fun' part.....LOOKING AT HOMES! :-) This is always an exciting time for buyers, and it should be! Every home you pull up to has the possibility to be 'the one'....The one you make an offer on, the one that you buy, the ONE that becomes YOUR HOME...and it is very exciting, and yes, kind of scary too. For the sellers though, it is very stressful because currently this IS their home, and they're leaving so that strangers can come in. As a Realtor, we are trying to make this as easy as possible for both the buyer and seller, but we need help... From the homeowners (sellers), we are asking that the home be available to show, that the home be clean, nothing of value is being left out, all medicines are put away and out of sight (not left in bathrooms or kitchen cabinets), anything that a seller wants excluded from the sale is noted, that sweet pups are either removed or kenneled, that sweet kitties are noted as inside only or inside/outside ok, and that please, please... homeowners (sellers) be gone for showings. Before you go on the market, talk to your Realtor about HOW the showings will work with your home. Some folks are cool with a few hours notice, some need more time. Most of my clients need a bit more time for showings. If you have kids and/or pets, it's ok to ask for 24 hour notice. That way you have time to prepare your home to be seen in its best possible condition. You are still living in your home, and the buyers and buyers Realtor will (or should) respect that. A lockbox will be put on your home, and during a showing the buyers agent will access the box for the key. An email and/or a text will be sent to the sellers Realtor to let them know that a Realtor with XYZ company has accessed the home, and for how long we were there. Before a seller puts their home on the market there is preparation, and usually some 'honey-do's' that need to be done. As always, there is more to it than this, but that is a different class....and email. You can always call me for more information when you are selling your home. From the buyers....it gets a bit more complicated... before we go house shopping, we are asking that you have a pre-approval letter with a solid lender, we are asking that you do not look at homes above your price range, we are asking that you have thought about the Top Three things you want in a home (so we can show you homes that have those items you value most), and that you help us help you.... When a Realtor opens the lockbox to show you the home, we are taking responsibility for everything that happens from that moment on....until we lock up the house and put the key back into the lockbox. As I say all the time... Real Estate is NOT like HGTV... you don't just get to wander the home while your Realtor sits outside... we must be with you at all times when touring your potential new home. Sometimes this can be like herding cats, but we understand your excitement... just please, please as you are touring the home, and we know you have your family with you, please...we must all stay together. Don't make me sing to you here..... As cool as those toys look, I'm sorry but the kiddos can't play with them, and sorry...but you can't jump on the beds either. It's ok to open cupboards, and closets, but we can't open dressers, or go through someone else's personal items. Touring a home is a VISUAL thing....sorry. Yes, you can use the bathroom. When it's wet out (and lately it's been VERY wet), it's always a good take off our shoes before we enter someone else's home so be sure to wear easy on & off shoes, or use shoe booties. When we are looking at homes, often we have more than one home to look at, and many homes are owner occupied so your Realtor makes appointments. We do the best we can to make sure we have enough time to look at the homes, but we need to stay within our timeframes as the sellers are waiting to come home after we leave, or there are other Realtors waiting to show the home. I promise we are not trying to 'rush' you through the home...we are just trying to stay within the timeframes so that you can see the other homes on your list. With the real estate market starting to pick up for spring, it's important that if a home comes up that you like, you need to let your Realtor know as soon as possible so we can make an appointment for you to see it. Your Realtor should be sending you a list of homes as they come on the market for you to check....drive by the homes...check out those neighborhoods....and let's make an appointment to go see the inside of the home. Do not trust Internet photos! Realtors hire professional photographers for our listings for a reason. :-) Internet photos are a lot like internet dating...you don't know what you're going to get when you get there Like the neighborhood, but not sure about the house? Let's at least go check out the inside! You never know as you can't judge a book (or a house) by its cover. ASK QUESTIONS!! For heavens sake...this is a home you are thinking about buying... ask questions! As your Realtor, we are here to help! If we can't answer your questions, we can at least set up in the right direction to get those answers. Buying a home is a very emotional experience. Your Realtor is here to point out pros/cons, and to help you.... Trust your heart, but use your head... or your Realtor. :-) Remember that we work FOR you. Once you find THE home it's time to talk about making an offer, and those pesky timelines that you need to know, and that we need to abide by. So, let's talk about that....next month! Thank you, as always, for reading this. I hope this helps you this week! Please, if you have any questions, please feel free to call, email, text, or even facebook me anytime. I am always here to help! Information is power, and I hope that I am help you! Good luck, and as always...May the odds be ever in your favor out there.... If you are looking for a real estate agent, I would love to be able to help you. I hope that explains this a bit, but if you have any questions, or comments please call or email me anytime! Please remember that while I mean these emails/blogs to be helpful, and educational, I am still hoping that you will call, or email me. I would love to help you with your home buying, or home selling adventure! :-) As always....this is just a quick overview.... again...and I can't say this enough...please remember that your agent is NOT a salesperson, and should not be acting like one. Real Estate is not really about houses, it is about relationships. Your agent, and your lender work for YOU. You drive the bus...we are merely GPS to help you get to your goals. Like the classes, this weekly blog email is to help you with your home adventure. The goal is to be informative and non-promotional. :-) We are, however, hoping you will call and want us to help with your adventure. Thank you again for your business and your referrals!! ...and thank you for referring these classes to your friends, family, and co-workers. ....disclaimer...if you have already purchased a home, or would no longer like to receive these emails, please let me know and I will be happy to remove you from any further mailings... Upcoming Topics: How long is the home buying process... aka....when do I GET Keys? Last Month: New Year...New Home? Maybe? Where to Start? Have a great day, and I will talk to you soon, ;-D Tracie DeMars Real Estate broker Re/Max - Van Mall 360/ 903-3504 cell 360/ 882-3600 fax www.traciedemars.com [email protected] “Interested in free and non promotional home education classes? Go to www.freehomebuyerclasses.com for local upcoming home buyer and home SELLER classes, or facebook: Tracie DeMars Real Estate for my home buyer education blog.” "Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be." - Shel Silverstein, American poet, cartoonist and composer, (1930 - 1999).

#traciedemars #traciedemarsrealestate #traciedemarsremax #remax #traciedemarsrealtor #traciedemarsdotcom #learningtobuyahome #learningtobuyahomedotcom #buyingahome #sellingahome #traciedemarsbuyersagent #traciedemarssellersagent #learntobuyahome #learntosellahome #knowledgeispower #knowingishalfthebattle #howcanihelp #letsdothis

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moneyintrend · 3 years

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10 best side hustles for college students

It's almost time for the new college school year, and with rising college expenses comes the perennial issue of finding work to help pay for your education without using student loans.

Jobs are hard to come by nowadays, especially when you have a busy schedule with school and assignments. Finding work online is one of the finest solutions. Working online was once a curiosity, but it is now becoming more mainstream. One thing to keep in mind is that internet jobs are not like normal employment. Many of the better ones aren't even jobs.

Here are some popular online careers and possibilities for college students.

1. Survey Junkie

I've always been wary of recommending survey sites since so many are scams, but Survey Junkie stands out as a legitimate contender. Unlike many other survey sites, they pay quickly and have over 7 million users, so they must be doing something well. You won't become rich doing surveys, but it's one of the easiest methods to earn money from home. Get the app now! Android or iOS

2. I-Say

I was hesitant to include this because it isn't a job, but it is a legitimate method to earn money. This one's for you if you want to get paid to take surveys on your phone. It beats working at a fast food place in college. Take surveys, get points, and cash out for PayPal or other prizes with Ipsos i-Say. It's a wonderful site and a nice user experience. It's free to test them out if you join up here first.

Try I-Say!

3. Airbnb

Have you considered renting out your house while you're away? You may even list your dorm room. I read of a student who got his for $85 a night!

You may list it by night, week, or month. Airbnb provides a $1,000,000 guarantee against guest-caused property damage. They also offer a visitor rating system so you can decide whether or not to accept a guest.

More facts in the video below:

We Made $7,000-$10,000/Mo. Hosting on AirBnB | Our Tips for Successful AirBnB Hosting - YouTube

4. Lyft driver

Okay, so it's not really "online," but it's an app, so I counted it. You've undoubtedly used a Lyft by now, but have you considered driving for Lyft?

Up to $20/hour driving, You can make over $20/hour in some cities while having complete control over your schedule. What better job for a college student?

Lyft is the 21st-century taxi. In the app, you just pick up and drop off passengers, and you are immediately compensated. Cool, huh? Click the button below to learn more or start.

5. Swagbucks

This is a free service that allows you to earn cash, gift cards, and other incentives. They pay for completing basic activities (like reviewing a website), trading in old video games or books, and even playing games on their site.

I've used them for months and received many payments, so I can vouch for their legitimacy. While they won't make you rich, they beat working for minimal money in a college kitchen.

Download an app

6. Boom Gift

Get paid by downloading mobile applications, Boom gift is a new software that collects anonymous phone usage statistics and pays you $5 to install it. Then $5 each month if you leave it installed!

Simply click the icon to download the app and be paid by PayPal or Amazon gift card! Get the app now!

7. Blogger

An in-depth look at how one blogger turned his hobby into a full-time career. This works best if you already have a blog or have the time to develop one. You may start earning money from your blog after it has a few thousand monthly visits.

You may monetize your blog with ready-made advertising and affiliate schemes. Google Adsense is a complete advertising package - all you need to do is join up, insert the ad code into your site, and you're done. It's the easiest method to monetize a blog (get my book free here).

Use a program like CJ Affiliate for affiliate sales. You can select from a list of advertisements and goods. Pick the most relevant ones for your blog and you'll have another passive revenue stream.

So many of the finest online money making opportunities entail self-employment? Embrace it, especially if you're at college. After school, the entrepreneurial skills you get from running your own online business may assist you in ways you may not realize. It may even be your life's work!

8. Doordash

Drive (or bike) for up to $25/hour, food delivery software Doordash lets you work on your own time. You work when you wish and deliver meals from restaurants to consumers.

Over 200,000 individuals are doing this, so it must be working for some. You may make up to $25/hr depending on your city, plus you can ride your bike! Learn more about DoorDash

9. Online Selling at Thrift Stores

Do you like a good deal? Doing so may pay off financially. Most people know about Ebay, but there are other internet marketplaces.

And here's one that worked for me:

Download the BookScouter App on your phone to start generating money with this concept. This software allows you to scan the ISBN of any book and it shows you the rates that 30+ websites are ready to pay for that particular book. You can go to a thrift store or garage sale and buy books for 25 or 50 cents, sell them for a few bucks, and you have a basic company and some pizza money. Above is an image of the app and what bookshops are prepared to pay.

See this brief tutorial for more:

TIPS AND TRICKS FOR THRIFTING TO RESELL | POSHMARK EBAY DEPOP ETSY - YouTube

10. Testing websites

Many major corporations want input on their website's usability. Here comes, Get paid to answer questions about websites, explaining what is excellent or poor, confusing or clear, etc.

You must be 18+ to be approved into the program, but the rewards are substantial! They now pay $10-$15 each test, which takes around 20 minutes.

#side hustle #money intrend #money tips #earn money #student #student life #university #study #side jobs

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jenniferfaye34 · 4 years

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"...you won't want to put it down" The CEO, the Puppy and Me by Jennifer Faye... Blog Tour Finale... #books #romance #dogs #HEA #amreading #booklovers #readers

On Tour with Prism Book Tours

We hope you enjoyed the tour! If you missed any of the stops

you'll find snippets, as well as the link to each full post, below:

Launch - Note from the Author

Thank you for joining me for the second book in The Bartolini Legacy trilogy. One diary… One secret. . . Leads to one unforgettable summer. . . . . . Now that their lives have collided, neither will ever be the same. But first they must take a journey into the past before they can forge a new future. Happy reading, — Jennifer

Rockin' Book Reviews - Review

"The CEO, the Puppy and Me is a poignant story about discovering truth, finding one's true self, opening up one's heart, also, of love and forgiveness. . . . The characters are very well defines and seem so alive. The situations are easy to visualize."

Bookish Jottings - Review

"An enchanting, poignant and captivating contemporary romance, it is impossible not to fall in love with Jennifer Faye’s adorable new novel, The CEO, The Puppy and Me. . . . A fantastic romantic read that is a joy to read from start to finish, The CEO, The Puppy and Me is another winner by the immensely talented Jennifer Faye."

Woven From Words - Review

"I found The CEO, the Puppy and Me to be a lovely, endearing story! . . . I enjoyed the interactions Gia and Ricardo have with one another, and there is a puppy that keeps their ties strong! . . . I highly recommend Gia and Ricardo’s love story for those seeking a sweet, lighthearted read!"

Splashes of Joy - Review

"I can say that the author does a really nice job with her characters. As I read the book I had the feeling these were real people in our real world. I love the family setting, and even though they have money, the three siblings do not mind working to support themselves. . . . If you love a good clean romance, check out The CEO, The Puppy and Me for a few hours of sweet entertainment!"

Book Lover in Florida - Excerpt

“What’s the matter?” Ric asked. “I twisted my ankle when my shoe got stuck. It’s not a big deal. Just help the puppy.” “You’re sure?” “Positive.” He did as she asked. However, his light gray loafers weren’t the best shoes to venture through this overgrown jungle either. Limbs poked and prodded him. There went the high-pitched whine again.

reviewingbooksplusmore - Review

"I love books with dogs in the story. Gia finds a puppy that is hurt and rescues it. She meets Ric when she found the puppy. I loved how she wanted to take care of the puppy. I love the way Ric and Gia meet. . . . I enjoyed reading The CEO, the Puppy and Me and look forward to reading the next book in the series."

Books and Zebras - Review

"What a treat The CEO, the Puppy and Me was to read! . . . In a heavy world, a light, charming and sweet romance such as this is an ideal respite. I am never disappointed with Jennifer Faye or Harlequin Romance. Each book has been lovely and delightful."

Christy's Cozy Corners - Review

"The CEO, The Puppy and Me is a quick read because you won’t want to put it down. The story flows beautifully. Jennifer Faye has created a truly touching love story that encompasses not only romantic love but also familial love. . . . If you’re looking for an escape from this complicated world we’re living in, look no further. You’ll love this sweet story."

Baroness' Book Trove - Review

"I thoroughly enjoyed the story, the characters, and the setting. The Bartolini family is just incredible. It’s full of strong-minded individuals who aren’t afraid to get their hands dirty. Gia and Ric are so cute together. I love happy endings. Therefore, I am giving The CEO, the Puppy and Me by Jennifer Faye five stars and yes, I do recommend this book to all you romance readers out there."

Red Headed Book Lady - Review

"A sweet clean read that I had fun reading. . . . You won't want to put this book down. It is a quick read and I finished it in an hour. . . . I highly recommend it."

Pause for Tales - Review

"I enjoyed watching these two realize their worth and let go of their past, no matter how hurtful, and to see the gifts they had right in front of them in this classic love story."

Peaceful Pastime - Review

"What a relaxing, sweet and romantic read this novel is. I have been waiting to read this book after finishing the first one in the series, The Prince and the Wedding Planner. . . . This book is filled with loving, caring and warm characters that show you don't have to be related by blood to be family. . . . This is a wonderful fast-paced and delightful read."

Locks, Hooks and Books - Review

"I enjoyed taking a journey to the beauty of Lapri in The CEO, the Puppy and Me. Ric and Gia’s story was wonderful. I loved their chemistry and I was constantly rooting for Gia throughout the book and hoping for the best for her. . . . I highly recommend it for readers who enjoy clean and sweet romance."

Teatime and Books - Review

"I was so sucked into this tale that I literally did not sleep the whole night . . . I also loved the setting, this was so well-written that you just feel as if you are right there in Italy! This is truly one of the sweetest romances of the year!"

Reading Excursions - Review

"This was such a fast-paced, quick little read that it was over before I even knew it. Probably because it was hard to put down. . . . Romance readers who enjoy a sweet exotic romance with foreign locations (Italy, Greece, etc), as well as fans of the author; will likely enjoy this story. Certainly those who’ve read the first book will probably enjoy this perfect, beach-type summer read."

EmpowerMoms - Review

"This was an easy book to read with good story line and characters. I loved Gia’s love for family and animals, and her trying to figure out where she belonged and her search for her biological father. . . . I enjoyed reading this book-it would be perfect for a summer road trip or beach read!"

Hallie Reads - Review

"The CEO, the Puppy and Me is a delightful, escapist read from Jennifer Faye. If you will not be travelling far this summer, why not go on an Italian adventure with Gia and Ric? I enjoyed getting to know the pair as they uncovered family and love, and I look forward to continuing the series in The Italian’s Unexpected Heir."

Don't forget to enter the giveaway at the end of this post...

The CEO, the Puppy and Me (The Bartolini Legacy #2) By Jennifer Faye Contemporary Romance Paperback & ebook, 256 Pages June 1st 2020 by Harlequin Romance

Has the search for her past…

…guided her toward her future?

Gia Bartolini’s determinedly searching for her real father. First stop on the enchanting Italian island of Lapri? A mysterious abandoned mansion…where, rescuing a trapped puppy, she falls straight into the arms of alluring Riccardo Moretti! Her passion for the all-business CEO burns bright, leaving Gia with a question: In uncovering her true roots, has fate led her to true love?

(Affiliate links included.)

Go to Jennifer's Contact Page HERE and order your bookmark(s)!

Other Books in the Series The Prince and the Wedding Planner (The Bartolini Legacy #1)

By Jennifer Faye

Contemporary Romance

Paperback & ebook, 256 Pages

March 1st 2020 by Harlequin Romance

When different worlds collide…

…sparks fly!

With her family name on the line, wedding planner Bianca Bartolini needs this royal wedding to go perfectly—she can’t afford distractions. Too bad the bride’s dashing brother has other plans! Duty-bound Crown Prince Leo has mere weeks to announce his own engagement, but none of the candidates measure up to Bianca. They’re the most unlikely match, but might that just make them perfect for one another?

(Affiliate links included.)

And coming in September...

The Italian's Unexpected Heir

(The Bartolini Legacy #3)

By Jennifer Faye

Contemporary Romance

Paperback & ebook, 256 Pages

September 1st 2020 by Harlequin Romance

Her baby surprise proves… …that one night will never be enough! Reeling from the secrets that have torn his heritage apart, Enzo Bartolini is set on selling his family’s Tuscan vineyard and trying to forget the impulsive, dazzling night he and best friend Sylvie shared in Paris. While the sale moves forward, the thrilling awareness between him and Sylvie is harder to move past…especially when she upends Enzo’s world by revealing she’s carrying his baby!

(Affiliate links included.)

About the Author

Award-winning author, Jennifer Faye pens fun, heartwarming contemporary romances with rugged cowboys, sexy billionaires and enchanting royalty. Internationally published with books translated into nine languages. She is a two-time winner of the RT Book Reviews Reviewers' Choice Award, the CataRomance Reviewers' Choice Award, named a TOP PICK author, and been nominated for numerous other awards.

Tour Giveaway

One winner will receive a $25 Amazon gift card and a copy of THE PRINCE AND THE WEDDING PLANNER, winner's choice of print (US only) or ebook

Open internationally

Ends June 17, 2020

ENTER HERE

#The CEO The Puppy & Me #The Prince and the Wedding Planner #The Italian's Unexpected Heir #The Bartolini Legacy #Contemporary Romance #dogs #Italy #island romance #Tuscany #winery #Prism Book Tours #Hearts & Scribbles #Jennifer Faye

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engazed · 7 years

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Part 1/ 2. Hi, so this will be coming from out in left field, but I was wondering in general, and you are the only person I can think of to ask. I just read this long explanation of why artists and writers won't read others work (short story: lawsuits/money). I know that somewhere out there you are a published author. Did/Do you read a lot of other fanfiction in Sherlock or other fandoms? Would reading fanfic (or just other fiction books in general) have the potential to cause you legal issues?

Part 2. It just seems so crazy to me. I would assume that most authors also really enjoy reading, so if reading has the potential to get them sued, why would anyone ever publish?? But then there would be no new books and nothing for other authors to read… It’s a really roundabout philosophical question, but I’d love to hear your opinion on it if you have any free time.

PS: side question I just thought of. Is the lawsuit potential why you write under a pseudo name online? Do you publish books also under a pseudo name? If you just prefer general privacy then lord knows I would never fault anyone on that. I have a massive weirdly possessive rant about why celebrities should be left alone in their personal lives and paparazzi are pretty much the worst people on the planet. But I won’t subject you to the whole thing lol. Anyway, your thoughts? Just in general :)

Thank you for the question. I was a little surprised by it, not because it is ‘out of left field’ (writing and talking about writing is absolutely by bread and butter) but because, while I don’t know the article you read (or was it a Tumblr post?), or the author of the post who said artists and writers don’t read others’ work, the advice/explanation is entirely wrong-footed. I’m serious about that. Professional writers and do read others’ works. They have to! It’s part of being a professional. You have to know the profession you are in. How else do you do that if you don’t know your colleagues and their works?

For example, one of the responsibilities of a writer–particularly a successful one with a strong sales record and reputation–is to read another author’s work for the express purpose of writing a review. If the novel is a work of mystery, for instance, then the publisher will reach out to another mystery novelist to help promote it, and reading and reviewing is exactly how that happens. Pick up any recent publication, and flip it to the back. You’ll see pull-quotes from reviews by critics and authors alike that go on about how wonderful the book is. Endorsing others’ work part of being a published author. You can’t do that if you’re not actively reading their work, now can you?For another example, imagine you are a burgeoning writer. Maybe you have one or two small publications, or none at all, but you’re serious about writing, finding an agent, and getting that book out into the world. How do you know you’ve got a book worth reading? How do you know your book will sell? You have to know the market, and you can’t know the market if you’re not reading! Say you’re a romance novelist. You should be reading romance! You should know the genre well, the conventions, the tropes, the pitfalls, the innovations. When you are first reaching out to agents, they’ll ask you for ‘comp titles’ (works you would compare yours to) as a way to capture their attention. How can you compare your novel to another in the genre if you’re not actively reading the works in that genre? You can’t!

How do you learn to become a good writer if you don’t read good writing? Hell, if you don’t read bad writing? If you don’t develop a sense of taste for the good versus the bad? How can you learn how to develop a character across 85,000 words, or construct believable dialogue, or pace the novel through hills and troughs, or create the perfect plot twists if you don’t read and study the masters in their craft? Impossible. Any author worth her salt will tell you that she keeps a stack of books by her bed. (Right now, I have three.) Any writer of notable quality will tell you that he reads more than he actually writes. Any writer who says differently is giving you bad advice.

The suggestion that reading someone else’s work will influence you–poison you–and that you’ll end up stealing their ideas is entirely misguided. Literature is the history of homage. We are constantly rewriting old stories, and putting our own spin on it. Constantly. How many versions of the Cinderella story exist throughout the world and throughout history? Too many to number. How many iterations exist of Holmes and Watson? We see them in Mulder and Scully, House and Wilson, Bones and Booth, and probably dozens and dozens more. Original ideas are never unadulteratedly original. We are influenced by every story we’ve ever been told, sometimes to a small degree, sometimes in greater measure. It’s what is new that you bring to it that makes it unique and fresh and worthy of being read.

My assumption, though, is that the post you refer to may have been talking about intellectual property rights. Holmes and Watson, for instance, belong now to the public domain, and we the public do as we like with them. However, Homer Simpson, for instance, is still under copyright, so you can’t just steal the name Homer Simpson, along with his character and traits, and publish it as your own. But that is a deliberate theft, and yes, you can be sued for it.

There’s the story, for instance, of the woman (Nancy Stouffer) who accused JK Rowling of stealing her concept of Harry Potter, particularly with regards of similarities between the protagonists and the word muggle. The burden of proof fell to Stouffer to prove that Rowling had indeed discovered her work prior to writing Harry Potter, which she could not.

Trying to protect yourself from lawsuits by not reading anything in the genre you write is foolish. You may as well not write anything at all. And publishing fan fiction online is not illegal (though selling it to a publisher and profiting on it may be). I don’t know how many people are publishing their fan fiction for profit, but the few cases I’m aware of do so only after changing characters’ names and other identifying details. Because really, the story is their own. The writing is their own. If you’re legitimately plagiarising, you deserve to be caught and sued. But that’s not what most of us are doing.

As is obvious, Engazed is indeed a pseudonym! It is one of two names I use online for writing. One of my reasons for writing under a pseudonym is to keep my online identities separate from my professional writing identity, because I do primarily publish under my own name. However, even in that world, I have a ‘literary’ name and a ‘genre’ name. My pen names online are about privacy and safety. Pen names in my professional publishing is less about privacy and more about branding. I’m trying to sell myself as well as my book, and there’s a persona that I need to maintain for that. I do not hide behind pseudonyms for fear of lawsuits. Pseudonyms aren’t actually very good hiding places! If you’re hit with a lawsuit, they’ll find you. But once again, that is not my concern. I write because I love to write, and what I write is original and good, and something people want to read. But I wouldn’t be any good at all if I wasn’t constantly reading as well. Books were my first teachers, and will continue to be. So please don’t fall into the trap of believing that not reading is good idea! It’s the worst advice I’ve ever heard.

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the-firebird69 · 2 years

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It's a huge deal what's happening up there is a huge deal and mac daddy picked up on our son's idea and now he sees why he's doing it he says I have power when it comes to making things but these things are out of control and it's due to people mishandling it abusing it and using the massive AI hopefully you're not supposed to in escaped or something and you can see it in space Odyssey 2001 it looks like Dave was beat and you guys were not helping him out he died because of it is in tune because of it it may not ever come back he says it's the story of Jesus Christ and it's a big one.

Thor Freya

It's a massive story that's our son's story it says it gets it from everyone and so does this country and everybody else is getting it and they have itof hours. His invention is intense this is a great ride too he says there's another version that we won't put out and so we made this one and we know about it it's the takomak which is his work. It is a wonderful invention very powerful potent and fast and VG in this picture in the bike and the data and the testing agency is all gone into the world's record book and it actually goes online and people see it and I'll try and buy it and see if a little squirt can go that fast I can and the bike will go almost three times that speed.

We're in charge here and we're dictating what happens and we're allowing the dirt bikes to proceed in the format that he was saying and based on being able to race and it will increase sales not decrease and we're allowing certain conversion kits but not that many we don't want to convert all bikes we have a something we can do with those and ship them to countries like Africa parts of India the Middle East parts of South America and parts of Asia other parts of the world as well that need them people need them because they can't get around there's a huge need for them in Norway Denmark and Sweden we're shipping them there now huge lots.

Olympus

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themoneybuff-blog · 5 years

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A Loan Won't Solve Your Money Woes If You Don't Fix These 10 Issues First

Sometimes even the best-prepared households get knocked sideways, financially speaking. Illness, unemployment, divorce, a car accident that triggers a lawsuit these and other situations can quickly put a hurt on the budget. In such times a personal loan or one of several types of home equity loans can provide a little breathing room until you rebuild your finances. As noted, money woes are sometimes the result of plain old bad luck (illness, job loss). However, sometimes were our own worst enemies: We buy too much, we save too little, we plan not at all. You cant get ahead that way. And you cant keep borrowing your way out of trouble. A loan wont help you unless you fix the following issues. 1. Not having a budget The simplest way to wind up in debt is to spend without thinking. Stop, then, and think for a moment about what you would like to have happen five years from now: buying a home, starting a business, getting married, traveling? When you create a budget, youre not just allocating your dollars youre enabling your dreams. An easy way to do it is the 50/30/20 budget: Spend no more than 50% of your take-home pay on essentials, 30% on wants, and 20% on saving (including retirement planning and an emergency fund). Plenty of budgeting apps exist as well (some are even free). 2. Not tracking spending You cant plug budget leaks unless you know where they are. Track your spending for a month, using pen and paper or a budgeting app. The cumulative effect could be eye-opening. For example, a relatives ex-husband was shocked shocked! to realize that spending $8 a day on fast food added up to $240 a month. His wife had made more money than he did, and their commingled finances made it easy for him to swipe a card and think no more of it. Heres hoping that your own habits arent quite that clueless. But even those of us who think were doing pretty well could be surprised by the cumulative impact of certain habits: beef jerky and a soda every time we pay for gasoline, daily iTunes downloads, $20 a week on scratch tickets. Add up the opportunity cost of those non-essentials, and ask yourself if you could do better. (Spoiler alert: You probably can.) 3. Keeping up with the Joneses Just because next-door neighbor bought the priciest riding mower on the market doesnt mean you have to ditch your trusty Snapper. When your coworker talks about all the activities her kid participates in, you dont have to sign your own tots up for horseback riding and soccer camp. You should not let other people determine your clothing, dcor, automobile, or anything else. Its no ones business that you bought a fixer-upper, that you drive your car until the wheels fall off, that your idea of nightlife is to read a new library book once the kids are in bed. Remember: The Joneses may be up to their hairlines in debt. They might be focused on keeping up, too with the minimum payments, that is. 4. Wanting your kids to have things you didnt Theres nothing wrong with this! Except when there is. Obviously you want your children to be well-fed, reasonably well-dressed, and housed comfortably. You might also want to give them treats and opportunities you never had, such as vacation trips, a big allowance, loads of extracurricular activities, and fully funded education plans. But dont let this noble impulse bust your budget. Just because your kid wants snowboarding lessons, a new smartphone every year, and a car of their own at age 16 doesnt mean you have to give these things. Staying out of debt and funding your retirement should take precedence over granting every whim. At the very least they should have some skin in the game: doing additional chores to help save up for a big-ticket item, say, or mowing lawns or babysitting for extra pocket money. Besides, we arent doing our kids any favors when we give them everything they want. Setting the bar too high now could mean setting them up for problems later on. Specifically, when they move out on their own theyll want to keep living in the style to which we have accustomed them and if their salaries dont allow for that, theyll wind up in debt. 5. Automatic upgrades Whats wrong with your old smartphone or car or whatever? If you bought it relatively recently and it still works, whats with the rush to replace? If you get the newest phone as soon as it comes out, or trade in your vehicle every few years, or replace anything else before it really needs replacing, ask yourself why. Because your co-workers do? Because some commercial made you want a new car? Because you dont know why, but you really, really want to anyway? Think about the opportunity cost of that cash. Then think about the way you want to live, and whether or not you want other people making decisions about your money. 6. Shopping mindlessly If you dont need anything, stay out of the mall. Going shopping with friends puts you in a position to find something you suddenly cant live without, or something that looks so cute on you or would be so cool in your house or so useful in the garage. Except that you were doing just fine without that item until you saw it. Ditto online shopping: Dont cruise your favorite retailers websites unless you have a specific reason to do so. Better yet, undo the one-click function and remove stored credit card info from all sites where youve shopped in the past. Bonus frugal points if you change your online passwords to something that has personal significance, such as WeDDingDAy8192020, or 19YEarsLEftonMORTgage, or EARLYretire2028 these little reminders of where your dollars could be going instead might help you from overbuying. 7. Always buying retail Why automatically pay full price? Instead of heading straight to the shopping center when you need (or want) something, consider these options instead: Thrift shops: Some are junky, but others are great. Its like a treasure hunt. (Pro tip: Find out if there are senior discounts or other special deals. For example, a secondhand store my daughter likes offers 50 percent off every Monday.)Consignment stores: Like thrift shops, except theyre more discriminating about whats accepted.Flash sales: While online shopping should be approached with caution, sometimes a sale really is too good to pass up. Hold yourself to limits, though: Just because those slacks are a great deal doesnt mean you need to buy a pair in every color.OfferUp, LetGo, Craigslist: Sometimes people want (or need) to get rid of furniture, tools, bikes or automobiles without the hassle of a yard sale. Caution is required, but you can get some darned good deals this way.Newspaper classified ads: Yes, really. A guy I know recently bought a pickup truck (necessary for his job) from a newspaper ad, spending many thousands less than he would have paid at a dealership.Freecyle: You might be surprised at whats being given away, no strings attached. Ive seen beautiful furniture, clothing, bicycles, toys, books, and other useful stuff offered up.Yard sales: Another treasure hunt. Ive seen items still in the shrink-wrap at these sales. Its a great place to buy baby stuff, including newborn-sized clothing that seems never to have been worn.Buy Nothing Facebook groups: Last month my partner and I just picked up an almost-new Weber grill. Some of the other things Ive seen lately: baby stuff, solid wood table, sewing machine, board games, computer desk, cookware, and tons of childrens clothes. All of it is free.8. Overdoing it on special occasions Are holidays and birthdays completely over the top? Maybe its time to tone it down. When they become extravaganzas of gift-giving, we cheapen the meaning and also set the bar higher and higher. A kid who gets tons of presents is unlikely to appreciate each one fully and more to the point, he develops a sense of entitlement. As for birthday parties, when did they start resembling mini-coronations? Even one-year-olds are having party rooms reserved, decorations put up, and gift registries established. Really? Think of all the money thats spent and quickly forgotten. Now think what those dollars could have done for a childs education fund or your own retirement. Celebrate joyously, but celebrate sensibly. 9. Overbuying for grandchildren While waiting in line at a crafts store, I met a woman who developed the bad habit of having small gifts waiting for her granddaughters whenever they visited and they visited a lot. The woman was fretting visibly as she looked over the items in the stores dollar section. What do you buy for someone who already has everything? she asked me. After hearing her story, I felt very sad not just for her but also for the kids. A visit to grandmas house had become an exercise in acquisition. The first thing they do upon crossing the threshold is to ask what theyre getting. (Does anyone else find that quite sad?) Expectations are made, not born. If youve gotten into the habit of treats and more treats, scale back. Replace them with activities and gifts of time. The kids who are used to getting stuff will gradually become used to not getting stuff and when occasionally you do treat them, it will mean a lot more. Again, the money you save could go toward their education funds or toward shoring up your own budget. You cant finance retirement. 10. Giving more than you can afford Charity is a noble impulse. But giving to the American Red Cross or the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals should be done after youve taken care of business. Specifically, after youve built an emergency fund, started saving for retirement, and taken care of any consumer debt. Put on your own oxygen mask first, financially speaking. Award-winning journalist and veteran personal finance writerDonna Freedmanis the author of Your Playbook for Tough Times: Living Large on Small Change, for the Short Term or the Long Haul and Your Playbook for Tough Times, Vol. 2: Needs AND Wants Edition. Read more: https://www.thesimpledollar.com/loans/blog/a-loan-wont-solve-your-money-woes-if-you-dont-fix-these-10-financial-issues-first/

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