#says a chronic irl phobic

[reiverreturns]

pacific rim is a great movie but one thing i really wish it did more of is explore each character’s self-progression and decisions to do the right thing over what is fearful and hard. when mako nearly destroys the shatterdome chasing the rabit raleigh comforts her by saying first drifts are rough but he implies its because she experiences his memories of losing yancy. yeah yeah the mortifying ordeal of being known is great and all that, but how much better would it have been if raleigh explained to her that there is no hiding from yourself in the drift? that no matter how good you are at suppressing trauma and bad things that have happened to you normally, the drift will dredge them up, and you will have to face them?

because that’s just the sort of thing mako, as a rookie pilot, wouldn’t know. she’d expect to experience raleigh’s memories, maybe brace herself for the worst parts, but she’d be totally unprepared for what she sees of herself. it maps to raleigh too. he isn’t reluctant to get back in the jaeger because he’s worried about losing and surviving again - he’s afraid of being stuck reliving the loss of yancy over and over and over again in too-real memories. the drift could take him out at his knees and he knows it.

but still, they proceed. they face what is present-and-past and push through it, because there is no other choice. stacker pushes against his fear of harm coming to mako until he has to overcome it. this movie is all about connection, of course it is, but it’s about bravery too. knowing that we can be brave when we are loved but, in the end, it’s the responsibility of every one of us to choose to put one foot in front of the other.

[cryptidtumbleweed]

Welcome to my blog!

Figured I'd make an introduction/info post, so here we are :D

I'm a Finnish student doing their best to get into college and share their art and interests :3

Love mythologies and folklore and cryptozoology and all sorts of creepy urban legend crawlies, personal favorites include Mothman and the Loch Ness Monster

Permanent Slenderverse enjoyer, Marble Hornets has a special place in my heart <3

Deer and bird enthusiast, wolf-kid at heart.

Monster energy drink addict

Amateur cosplayer, mostly just Owl House. Also a furry

Owl House is my comfort show, other things I enjoy include:

Percy Jackson/Riordanverse/mythology in general

Lord of the Rings/Hobbit

The Ghost and Molly McGee

Warrior Cats

Night at the Museum

Ghibli movies

Dungeons and Daddies

Radical Face (artist)

Madilyn Mei (artist)

Ask box and DMs are always open, I'm very bad at talking to people at first but I would love to be friends as long as you have a bit of patience for me :3

Autistic/social anxiety/chronic skin issues and migraines

Aroace and nonbinary/agender

DNI IF...

You are LGBTQIA+ phobic, racist, ableist, sexist or any sort of nasty bigot. This blog is a safe place for people

Your account is NSFW - seriously. This is an insta block.

You're going to be nasty/bullying for no reason. This includes being nasty to my friends on their blogs.

---***---

Commissions

Nothing is required, but if you want to support a queer autistic student living alone and with meds/rent/utilities to pay, here's my art commission info!

Status: OPEN

I also draw ponies! Pricing is the same as it is for humans :3

INFO

🍃Payment will be via Paypal and is marked in USD

🍃If interested, please DM me here or email me at cryptidtumbleweed@gmail.com - if you email me, your email title needs to reference the topic of commissions ("commission inquiry" or "art commissions"). If not, I will ignore the email. I do recommend DMing here as I will most likely respond faster

🍃Please have a clear idea of what you want before messaging me - sending references for poses/clothing/sceneries is highly recommended!

🍃Half the payment upfront, the other half after you've approved the sketch. After this I won't do any drastic changes to the commission

🍃Prices aren't negotioable unless I say otherwise

🍃I have the right to refuse any commission I feel uncomfortable with

🍃Completing a commission depends on the complexity. I will try to finish any commission within a week but I can't promise anything. I draw art on my free time and it's secondary to real life events that might interfere with finishing any piece.

🍃I might not reply instantly due to timezones/irl stuff, but I will do my best to get in contact with you within 24 hours of you messaging me <3

For now, I'm not setting any slots but depending on interest, I might set a limit in the future. I'm also planning on setting up a Kofi for commissions in near future and will update this when I do.

[almalvo]

I been angry, but I am just pissed as sh1t rn let me be petty like?? So ima talk. After all this time, after seeing all I have seen, hearing all that I have heard, received all that I have received - Ima talk. Nuff silence; block me all you want but - Ima talk.

The "Star Trek" fandom is literally full of bullsh1t.

For a source material that speaks most largely on exploring strange NEW worlds, to SEEK out NEW life and NEW civilisations, to boldly go where no one has gone before... (though nothing is really new...) ... yall are just so nuzzled up and comfy over here in this hive echo-chamber you call a "fandom" because you can so easily and comfortably pervert the principle of differences and diversities in Star Trek so that you can surf the dunes of your own politicised, discriminatory, prejudiced, distorted delusional sandbox of what "freedom of speech" and "freedom of identity" and "liberty itself" (whatever tf THAT means lol) and what fake twitter/tumblr-sjw and chronically online "woke culture" look, sound, and feel like, gone most greatly uncontested because as soon as one person says or people say something, then they risk outting themselves for the same sh1t they pull in this "community", which would ultimately lead them to lose this sickening "freedom" that they cultivated for decades to say and be the sh1ttiest in a homogenised sh1tty social environment where they won't ever be conspicuous or scorned; to blend right in (worsening over time).

I been silently lurking around in this pop-culture space, observing for the better part of a year, and it's ALL I need to see more than enough - and what I seen is precisely why I stay the fvck a w a y from most all of you and do not involve myself with most activities or events (if any) being done - and if I do, I do so with utter self-awareness and caution. I been seeing what so many of yall doing and been doing. Whether you out here drawing strictly pink red-blooded Spock's; bleaching Uhura; being anti-SNW Uhura; accusing Spock to be anything near an anti-sem1tic symbol; forcing pressurised and uncomfortable messages to many artists over the years in their DMs completely unsolicited and unasked for without consent to make them draw Kirk the way you see yourself for your own restrictive agenda while completely disregarding the everything the artists say to you; talking about race theory when you don't even know what a hypothesis is; being a spokesperson for the population of people you have absolutely z e r o agency over; talking about or participating presumptuously or dismissively in subjects regarding identity that you have no idea about and don't investigate; using your identity as some kind of ticket of immutable correctness when you in fact still have to actually be correct; blindly believing and bandwagoning any ideas and social/emotional/political subjects without even at least questioning what it is that you are nodding your head to; refusing to do your part and put in the actual time and effort to do your own research into things that you dont actually truly understand; not admitting to your own ignorances; not having conversations with yourself and others in efforts to think learn and grow; not having the capacity to identify fault in yourself or actively recognising erroneous commentary elsewhere; being an utter bystander and doing nothing in the face of total ideological evil; being hypocritically super "identity-phobic" by using your own identity as some kind of justification and validating mouthpiece to push others beneath you to feed your insecure ego; being an unapologetic hypocrite at all; unchallenging the problematic nature of the environment around you or in even the people you know or talk to and encounter whether irl or online; committing to silence and performative activism for things that you should/need to care about; being lazy with caring; perverting social spaces in favour of your own unconditional freedom to harbour and flourish with your criminally bad takes and mentalities and ideologies where others around you will only be of the species to agree with you; thinking of Star Trek as just "oh next episode of entertainment oo ahh shiny shiny funny funny sad sad oo woke haha" instead of understanding that these things raised in the show are based in reality and are things to actually think about and reflect on regarding others AND YOURSELF and are not just solely thought-pieces for entertainment value; detaching the relevance of what you should've understood and learned from "woke" media to the real world/vicinity around you offline or online as two NOT-mutually-exclusive things...

... how so many of you art people drawing even caucasian people with skin that aint just white but like white white like an office drywall - like where all the blood at? god you must really hate colour that much dont you damn; how none of yall ever out here complaining about how restricted and problematic it is on multiple levels that only japanese people are constantly the MAIN group from all of asia that show up at all in Star Trek fr - and liking TOS/AOS Uhura only actually because of how close/how she compares and contrasts to WHITE beauty standards and not cuz yall really think they are beautiful for who they as bipoc/black women are without that prejudiced caucasian perspective (and I BET you so many of yall dont even KNOW you're doing it cuz you are so subconsciously conditioned to think and upkeep and pursue eurocentrism by society...) (wont say more for now...) I see you.

I never expected much of anything from a community of something I newly entered in not so long ago, because I know the world is not great and I seen too many fandoms to be pretty trashy (with very very VERY few exceptions - like a good percentage of BTS Army lol and I aint even really into kpop) But I think it hurts most when it is for something that I value so much, so deeply - That this fandom is a sham. That it is often the very antithesis of what birthed it. That it is just a guise for fools to use to live in problematic peace.

Such a critical portion of yall at this point for who knows how long these last 57 years are really just appropriating characters like Spock cuz IDIC is fvcked.

"Trekkie" is nigh equivalent to a moniker of insult by the rabid sickness of thought I see being pedaled everywhere by so many, many of you.

And that sheer lack of shame.

Not all, but I never said all. Of course there are exceptions. But don't let this ^ make you feel comfortable.

Because it's undeniable that so many of yall just dont care.

Just dont care. Complacy's a fvckn disease.

Like why the fvck am I here? How could I endure and strenuously press-on in such an insufferable place?

Because I ain't here for you. I am here for what brought me here and any who uphold thus to be true and just.

I love Star Trek.

But I hate to be thought of as a Trekkie.

Not while it stays the label it has become and will remain for long. Egregious. I grieve for the contributions and dedication and original vision that the greats like Mr. Nimoy and others had graced this pioneering of human creation with that have been so marred and abused.

I grieve for Star Trek.

I grieve.

To any and all who read through this entire thing and feel the fire of anger as I do against all that is so terribly misled and lost - do.

To any and all who read through this all the way and felt embarrassment, humiliation, shame - feel it. Admit it. Learn from it.

And grow the fvck up.

[frankiegirl]

Yeah the just. Vom pooling in their skirt is kinda what got me and oh god your writing😳

I think the emetophobia -> emetophillia pipeline may be. Real

I just….. go off lmao. I used to be super ashamed of like wanting to write and read this kind of thing. But the pipeline is SO real.

Like idk irl vomiting is generally an unpleasant experience. I wouldn’t say I’ve ever been phobic, but it’s still like not something I actively…enjoy experiencing? But I’m chronically ill with stomach issues soooo that’s kind of translated itself into something. Gluten is one hell of a drug lmao.

I’m rambling now but ugh vom pooling hot in that skirt, seeping through the layers of fabric, cooling on their cock AAAAAAA

[janiedean]

I'm the anon who said you don't glorify obesity. Look I don't know anything about that ship y'all keep referring to and I don't know who "Hunk" is or whatever, I'm talking in general terms. I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT SHIPPING OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT just to clarify. I think it's wrong that people glorify being skinny but I don't think glorifying obesity is any better (I'm talking about more than overweight - ACTUALLY OBESE)

I’m probably not explaining myself properly but I think people should be able to ship whatever they want, the shipping was never my point. I just think the way people on the internet have been going on like “Fat women are goddesses!!! Real women have curves!!! If you don’t agree you’re fatphobic!!!” is wrong. I have been hospitalized twice for anorexia, I know how being skinny is glorified but I don’t think switching it around so it becomes “being obese is totally awesome and if you say otherwise you’re a horrible fatphobe” is any better. I’m sorry for sending you so many messages, I’ll stop now.

okay so GIVEN THAT WE ALREADY CLARIFIED OURSELVES ON THE MISUNDERSTANDING: the problem is that we were actually talking about shipping XD and the other anon decided it had to be about health but like the problem in general is that as usual (on tumblr and I guess in the US because it’s mostly US beauty standards I’m seeing thrown around) is that there’s no middle way in anything. I mean, like:

body shaming is a thing. in general. the problem is that fatshaming is, like, a thing that is more culturally spread than the contrary even if in some countries (ie italy) there’s this concept that if you’re skinnier than a size 42 (I guess it’s like an S or small M) you’re omg so unhealthy please EAT SOME PUT MEAT ON YOUR BONES WHY DO U HATE GOOD FOOD, but it’s more of an older generation thing. like, I’ve had problems with weight bc when I was in freaking elementary school people would go like ‘omg you’re so fat’ at me and I thought I was and then I looked at some pictures years later and I was like ‘… wtf I was perfectly fine what the hell’ and there’s a general implication that fat/overweight = unhealthy when it’s not necessarily the case.

the problem is that when it comes to body positivity there is like literally zero distinction between curvy, overweight, fat and obese which are not the same thing, and there is zero distinction between body positivity and promote a healthy lifestyle. I mean, according to US standards someone who’s fat would be… like… normal here? a size M is seen as perfectly regular stuff but from what I see of US sizes, M is like OMG I’M FAT already, which… like. here it’s maybe curvy. also being some 3/4kgs overweight never killed anyone. but since I see ZERO DISTINCTION here, it’s all thrown in the same bag and it’s the exact same for people who have 3 kgs more than average, 10, 25, 50 or freaking 200. which is obviously not the same.

also, there is the complete lack of realizing what it means to be healthy and to not be thin. like, as has been said already it’s absolutely not a guarantee that being thin or skinny means that you’re healthy (I had a friend who used to be chubby, then got sick with a freaking chronic disease and came out of it with a body that ended up finding her a job as a fashion model but SHE STILL WAS HEALTHIER BEFORE THE FREAKING CHRONIC DISEASE), I’ve struggled with my extra kgs all my damned life and whenever I go on vacation with friends that are thinner than me but move around less or don’t go to the gym and the likes I am the one who can walk for longer or gets tired less and I have better blood tests than my father who’s at his ideal weight and takes five pills for a bunch of different stuff. some people are just heavier as a body type but if it’s their body and it’s not due to shitty eating or lack of exercise or whatever then they’re not unhealthy. obviously severely obese people who can’t walk for more than twenty minutes without feeling like fainting aren’t in that category but like never mind that for a moment, the problem is that your size doesn’t automatically mean unhealthy and having 20 extra kgs on you makes you fat maybe but not freaking obese.

THEN, on body positivity: there is a healthy difference between NOT BEING A JERK and spreading awareness re healthy habits. like, society/media and the likes shouldn’t promote being thin, they should promote being healthy ie eating well and exercising, not THIN = HEALTHY. as stated you can be healthy without being thin. (or, as the character we were talking about that you weren’t referencing, you can be mostly muscle and have some chub over it and THAT’S NOT BEING OBESE XD at the same time, if someone is overweight or obese or whatever for any reason whatsoever you can’t go at them and tell them omg go lose some weight you loser THAT’S HORRIBLE. I mean, there’s a difference between saying that one should try to be as healthy as possible and go like OMG YOU’RE FAT YOU’RE HORRIBLE. if body positivity means not shaming someone else for their body then go the fuck for it. the problem is that then according to people saying ‘okay but if you can’t walk to the supermarket and back without feeling short of breath and you might get heart diseases maybe you should consider dropping some extra weight for your own benefit’ is fatphobic which… lolno. not everyone is fat because of bad habits and they shouldn’t have people making them feel bad even if they are but assuming that the above sentence (especially when doctors recommend you to do more exercise) is inherently fatphobic imo is ridiculous. if my doctor tells me I should lose some weight then I’m gonna consider it and I’m not gonna feel like he’s *phobic*, if someone goes like ‘omg you’re so fat you’ll never find a guy who wants you’, that is fatphobic. like, THERE’S A DIFFERENCE. (at the same time people who are skinny/thinner than average shouldn’t get told all the time OMG PUT SOME MEAT ON THAT SKELETON REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES like fuck’s sake respect all body types. being a real woman has zero to do with how much meat you have on you.) what should be glorified is be healthy and be happy with whatever body type you have as long as it doesn’t cause you problems and at that point nicely try to make those problems right while you’re encouraged without shaming anyone in the process. (which also means: gdi don’t put other people down if they’re trying to gain weight or lose it, ffs.)

now, the problem with shipping: the thing is - and I swear to god I don’t wanna sound like a sjw now but I hope the previous essay has made clear how I feel in general on this issue - that, in my experience, fat/overweight characters especially if they’re male are seen as… either the laughing stock of the group or the harmless nerd or anyway never as sexual objects. every damned time I ship something where a guy is overweight/fat (notable exceptions jacob and queenie from fantastic beasts which tbh really was a nice surprise for the part where the fat guy who’s also a sweetheart hooks up with the bombshell and it’s THE BEST ROMANCE OF ALL good go you man) right as rain there’s rarely fic for it least of all porn, and even if there is someone will go around saying the fat character isn’t attractive or deserving of getting some. when I say ‘sam tarly syndrome’ I mean ‘fat/overweight guy is a sweetheart who has a lot of nice ships they could be in but they get thoroughly ignored or if it happens in canon fandom lols at it’. I mean, I basically had to start the jon/sam tag on my own (if you see the fics at the beginning it’s honestly sad to see TEN of mine all after the other), once on a kinkmeme I was like ‘okay doing it’ at a pwp prompt and I got as an answer OMG I WAS HOPING YOU’D SEE THIS NO ONE ELSE IN THIS FANDOM WRITES PORN FOR THESE TWO and whenever people discuss canon sex scenes…. the only one in the book that always gets lol-ed at is sam and gilly’s in spite of the fact that okay, it’s badly written, but ALL of the sex scenes in asoiaf except one are badly written. it’s not worse than the average. but sam getting some because a relatively hot girl wants him and the sex - omg! - actually being somewhat not vanilla is seen as… like… OMG HAHAHAHAHA I CAN’T BELIEVE HE’S GETTING SOME OMG HOW EMBARRASSING as if this guy being overweight means he can’t be seen as a palatable partner when it comes to having a sex life. same as the other anon being like ‘omg hunk (the person we were referring) is fat and unhealthy so he’s not good enough for the other person’ is… exactly the same. I mean, this hunk character is admittedly the one person in that bunch I’d actually date irl same as sam is the one character from asoiaf I’d date irl the others are completely out of the question, but since they’re *fat* naaaaah? and guess what sam/WHOEVER is a lot less popular than ships which make a lot less sense but are two hot characters stashed together bc they’re hot. (jaime/sansa has like 300+ fics and jon/sam is still under 100 but okay sure tell me it’s because it makes no sense. lol no. and being that the only porn around for those two was written by me and maybe two/three other people says all.)

at that point then people go like ‘well but it’s because they’re unhealthy’ and that is when it becomes ridiculous. because going with the above problem re fatshaming being a thing that happens on a societal level, it becomes IF YOU’RE FAT YOU’RE NOT SEXUALLY DESIRABLE AND NO ONE SHOULD WANT YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR UNHEALTHY WEIGHT, which mixes stuff that doesn’t even go together with being sexually desirable which is something inherently personal. as in: if someone who’s unhealthily fat for whichever reason has a significant other who loves them and their body guess what THEY HAVE A RIGHT TO HAVE A SEXUAL LIFE AND TO BANG PEOPLE/GET BANGED TO THEIR PLEASURE. because when it comes to preferences in the bedroom or loving a person, size can be a thing - some people have certain body shapes preferences and so on - or it cannot be a thing at all and anyway it doesn’t matter when it comes to your right to be seen as desirable/being desirable. people of all sizes can be desirable or sexy or definitely sexually available regardless of the size - like everyone is freaking allowed to be sexually desirable even if they don’t conform to whichever is the beauty canon around.

and given that I personally got told more than once also by admittedly well-meaning people that they wouldn’t ever consider seeing me as desirable because I was overweight or not as thin as other hot person around our class or even better, the aforementioned friend who turned out to be a fashion model using that as some coping mechanism (as in, she didn’t like being sick obv. but since she had come out of it with a scorching hot physique while I had then undiagnosed pcos so I was struggling with weight all the damned time and I was healthy otherwise... er let’s say that she used to tell me stuff like ‘ah well look at you and look at me instead how much better looking I am’ which obviously was in order to make herself feel better about her illness but sure as hell didn’t help me feeling good about myself), I’m honestly fucking tired of this whole trend in shipping where overweight/fat people don’t get any from their hot best friends with whom they’re absolutely shippable but the hot friends get shipped instead with the most improbable hot people that happens in 90% of fandoms I run into. because it’s just a reflection of how irl if you’re overweight a lot of the time people will say that your weight puts you out of the goddamned dating field and everyone deserves to be in there, damn it, regardless of their size. it has nothing to do with being healthy or unhealthy. and saying shit like ‘omg X is fat they’re not good enough for Y’ is really fucking old already. 

 tldr: I hope I made clear why I got pissed at the other anon and what I think of the whole matter. obviously no one has to glorify being *unhealthy* (extreme obesity and anorexia are both unhealthy) and no one needs to put other groups down while doing it (looking at you n*icki m*inaj - like sorry but according to my standards she’s thin, having a nice ass doesn’t make you *fat* or curvy, and going like FUCK ALL THOSE SKINNY BITCHES is the exact contrary of body positivity tbh). but at the same time everyone deserves to be seen as sexually desirable and it’s bullshit that the current narrative depicts being overweight as something undesirable. both in society and in fandom.

/peace