#school for me is overall quite lonely. my 2 close friends are in another school

[wakanai]

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[the-last-airbadger]

My 2022

Another year has passed and boy was it an interesting one. Compared to the last two years where I kind of felt like nothing really happened, this year it felt like a lot happened. I’ll go into more detail in the next two sections, but this year I really felt like I was living and making progress in my life, so that was kind of nice. My life has changed a lot since last year, and I know it’s going to change even more in the next year, which is both exciting and terrifying. I’m really curious to see how my life will continue to change, but for now, I’m also happy to take a little break and reflect upon last year for a bit, because this end-of-year reflection I do every year is always really fun. So let’s get into it!

The Beginning of 2022 vs Now

So, like I said, my life has changed a lot since last year. The biggest difference is probably the fact that where last year I wasn’t even halfway through my Master, I am now completely done with my studies. It’s weird, but also really great. Because I’m done, I am able to actually have a Christmas break this year for the first time since, like, 2017. There are no more projects or essays on the horizon, and I literally will never have to write an essay ever again. I cannot tell you how great that feels.

Another major difference since last year is that now I have different friends. I mean, nothing has changed with my high-school friends @asiandutchgirl and @the-official-pentacorn, we’re still just as close as we’ve always been. But when it comes to the friends I made at uni, a lot has changed. Basically, most of them kind of stopped hanging out with me, and where last year I was still frustrated and lonely because of that, and trying to get them to hang out with me but failing, I am now at a point where I’ve just accepted that our group has fallen apart. And I’m okay with that now, because whatever I needed from them I’ve now been able to get from two other friends: the one friend from that group that still put effort into our friendship and who has now become one of my closest friends, and a new friend I made this year.

There’s been a bit of drama with those friends as well, not going to lie, but overall they’ve been great. Basically, what was going on was that I had a crush on the new friend, started hanging out with both friends a lot more than I could technically handle because I liked them both so much, then had to get over that crush and kind of learn how to be myself again, and now it seems like my old crush might have a crush on the other friend, and it’s a bit of a mess, but in general, our friendships are great and really quite strong, so I hope that whatever happens, we’ll be able to get out of this still being good friends.

I’ve also just learned a lot about myself because of that crush, such as the fact that I am, in fact, capable of having crushes like this, so I truly am straight and not asexual. I learned a lot about how I respond in certain situations, how I interact with others, what I can and cannot handle, how to stay true to myself, how to deal with certain situations, etc. I really think that despite the chaos and struggle that this year has sometimes been in the love and friendship department, I came out of it much stronger. I’m still growing, but I gained two good friends and that friendship has all been worth it to me. I really hope we can stay friends for a long time.

And then finally, transition-wise I also made a lot of progress. Last year I was still trying to get on the waiting list for a hysterectomy and vaginectomy. Now? Now my surgery is in less than 2 weeks. So yeah, a lot has definitely changed.  

The Best Things about 2022

Well, I guess, as you could tell from the last section, one of the best things of the year was getting closer to one of my friends, gaining a new friend, and basically having been able to find friends that could replace what I lost when most of my uni-friends stopped putting effort into our friendship. Since covid started in 2020, I finally no longer feel lonely and isolated anymore, and I think my friends, both new and old, really helped with that.

Another great thing that is kind of related is that this year, my D&D game (that includes both the two friends mentioned above and an old friend I kind of lost contact with) has become much more serious, which has made the game much cooler and more fun for me. We’re also seeing each other much more regularly now (once a month instead of once every 3-4 months), which really makes the game a lot better, and we’ve also been able to play in real life for the first time this year, which really adds to the game and has made it much easier to hang out with the group after the game, which is also fun.

Another great thing? Totally unrelated, but: I finished my thesis! Honestly, it wasn’t really that fun to write (though it wasn’t as bad as I expected), but finishing it, submitting it, and knowing that that big final obstacle was just over and done… that was a great feeling.

I also obviously have been able to get on the waiting list for a surgery I really need and have been able to make great leaps in my transition. It’s still going to take me a while to get where I really want to be, but any progress is good, and both the day I heard I had made it onto the list and the day I got my surgery date were really great days. I can’t wait to get closer to my final goal.  

What else? I feel like there’s been a lot, but I just have to think a bit. I went on vacation with my new friend and the other friend this year, that was really fun. It was only one night, but I hadn’t ever really planned my own vacation with friends before, so that was really fun. I also got a Grogu doll named Luke this year. That little buddy still sparks joy in my life. I found a fun new favourite series of books this year as well. The series is not finished yet, but I don’t really mind, because that means I’ll have new releases to look forward to in the future!

Oh, and I also actually saw my favourite girl-group LOONA live this year! That was amazing!! I felt a bit conflicted at the concert itself because my favourite member (and like 3 other girls) couldn’t make it to the concert, and it was clear the girls were severely overworked, but now that it is very likely that they’ll disband, I’m glad I managed to see at least some of them perform LOONA songs on stage.

I also went to the Waterstones bookstore in Amsterdam for the first time this year, which was something I really enjoyed. I saw a movie in 4D for the first time as well, which was an experience to say the least. @asiandutchgirl and @the-official-pentacorn and I also started a new D&D game this year, that has been fun as well.

And I think? That was about it? I can’t think of anything else right now, but overall I feel like I had a great year. Chaotic, but great.

My Resolutions for 2022?

Oh boy. Here comes the scary part. Did I actually complete last year’s resolutions? I’m quite sure I managed to succeed in quite a few, though I also know for sure that there are some I failed. Some I even failed on purpose, because halfway through the year I realized I didn’t actually want to do these things anymore. But how many will I actually have succeeded in? Let’s find out!

Read 35 Books! I only read 18 this year and didn’t reach my Goodreads goal of 45 at all, but I am excited to start reading more again and I can’t wait to read some more books! – This one is a clear success! I read 44 books this year, and I truly really enjoyed reading again, so that was great!

Read 5 Rick Riordan Presents books. I haven’t kept up with those releases at all but the two I read were really fun, so I want to read more of them! – This one is a fail, though I didn’t do that bad! I ended up reading 3 Rick Riordan Presents books this year, and they were really fun! I just think I didn’t read more than that because 1. I already had a lot of other books to read, and 2. I didn’t really buy a lot of books this year at all because I don’t have a lot of money, so I didn’t buy any new ones after reading the ones I already owned

Get to a point where I only have about 5 unread books lying around. Really, it’s kind of sad how I still haven’t read some books I got for my birthday like two years ago, so I really want to try to read books I already own before I buy new ones – Again, technically a fail, but I didn’t do too bad! Over the summer, I set myself a challenge to try and read all the books I owned, and I managed to get from 25 unread books to 10 unread books. Currently, I have only 7 unread books lying around, so I’m really close!

Finish 3 games! This was my brother’s suggestion, but it’s actually a good one, as I there are a couple of games I’ve started multiple times but have never actually finished, and I want to finish them at some point! – Success! I finished Professor Layton and the Curious Village, Subnautica, and the sixth Harry Potter game. The last one, however, I’d already finished once before, so I did not actually completely meet my goal of finishing all the games that I still wanted to finish, so for next year, I’ll set myself three specific games to finish!

My brother wants me to finish Skyrim, so I think I’ll give that a go! – … I’ll try again next year

Stay up to date with Critical Role Campaign 3. I’m still all caught up and I want to keep it that way. This is the first campaign I am actually able to follow live and it’s so much fun, so I want to keep doing that! – Yeah, this is one of those goals I gave up because I didn’t want to reach it anymore. I quickly realized that keeping up with 4 hour long episodes every week was not something I could keep up, and I wasn’t enjoying it as much as I hoped, so I stopped watching them.

Get to episode 50 of Critical Role Campaign 2. I love this campaign as well and I want to get at least a little further into it! – another fail, for the same reason as the previous one

Finish/Catch up on Doctor Who! I never watched season 12 and 13, but with a new doctor and writer coming I want to be all caught up again. I’m in the middle of a rewatch right now and am currently in season 9, so I should be able to catch up! – Success!! Actually, I would say that this is more than a success! I caught up on Doctor Who, watched the 13th doctor’s regeneration episode as it aired, and am currently incredibly hyped for the new episodes that will air next year. I got really into Doctor Who again in the second half of the year, and even rewatched season 1 and a bit of season 2 again. I’m obsessed now. So yeah, big win.

Get on the waiting list for a hysterectomy. – Success! Again, more than success, even! My surgery is in less than 2 weeks!

Finish my master thesis and (as good as) finish my master’s degree – Success once again!

So that is 5 fails and 5 successes! Not the worst!

Expectations for 2023

Okay. Brace yourself. I have a lot of big expectations for next year. First of all, I’ll start the year with surgery and recovery. Like I’ve said a few times already, my surgery is in less than two weeks, so the first 2-3 months of this year I’ll probably spend sitting at home and recovering from surgery.

Oh, and before that, I might have to have a bit of a difficult conversation with my new friend, but hopefully that will all go well and we’ll remain good friends after that.

So anyway, surgery, recovery, and then what? Well, my graduation will be in March, and that reminds me that I’ll get my thesis grade somewhere in January as well. So I’ll get my diploma, and then, once I am fully recovered and feel like I can function again, I will start looking for a job.

I don’t know how long it will take me to find one, but I hope that I can start working somewhere around April. Then I’ll have a few months to save some money while I look for my own place so I can finally move out of my mother’s house and become a strong and independent adult.

I will turn 24 in June, and hopefully get myself onto the phalloplasty waiting list as well somewhere around that time. Once I’ve had my first consult, I will probably also be able to start hair removal treatment for that surgery as well.

And then? I don’t know. I hope I’ll find a house somewhere during the summer. I probably won’t have much of a summer break this year, but hopefully I’ll be able to make up for that by taking a week off after I’ve moved into my new place.

Then after that, I don’t really know what I’ll do. Probably just try to settle into my new life and get used to living on my own and being an adult. It’s kind of scary in some ways, but I also feel like I’m ready for it. It’s time for me to become independent and start creating my own life.

Something I have to look forward to, however, is the fact that new Doctor Who episodes will be released in November and December of next year. I am so excited for that, and I hope they’ll bring me joy and comfort if I happen to need that at the time. The new Nevermoor book will also be released around that time (in October), as will the new Percy Jackson book (September), so I have stuff to look forward to!

A lot is going to change next year, but I think I will be all right.

2023 Resolutions

Okay, so here’s the part I’ve been waiting for: new resolutions! I always love setting new goals and resolutions. I don’t know why, but it just feels like a fresh way to start the new year. I also have some pretty big goals for this year, so let’s just dive into it!

I think I’m going to subdivide these goals into smaller categories this year, just because I feel like that might make this all a bit more clear and perhaps easier to read. I don’t know. I just like it

Life Goals:

Have Surgery! Obviously, my biggest goal for the year is to just finally have my hysterectomy and vaginectomy. I know it might seem like a bit of a cop-out to put something on my list that is very likely to happen, but the recovery is going to be tough, and you never know for sure it’s actually going to happen until it has happened, so if I have had surgery and recovered from it, it will still feel like a major accomplishment.

Find a job! The next big goal is to find a job so I can start my new life as a certified adult.

Move out! It’s going to be difficult to find a place to live in this economy, but once I have the money it will be my main goal. It really is time for me to have my own place.

Get on the waiting list for phalloplasty. I really need phalloplasty, so the sooner I get on the waiting list, the better.

Save some money. I have many saving accounts that are currently empty, and I have very little money overall. However, once I have a job, I might actually be able to save some money, so I hope that next year I’ll be halfway to my goal in 4 of my savings accounts.

Buy a new laptop OR a piano. My laptop is falling apart a little bit, and I haven’t played the piano in ages, so I hope that I’ll be able to buy either a new laptop or a piano sometime next year! However, whether I can get a piano or not will depend on whether I’ll have my own house, whether there will be space in that house, and how much money I’ll be earning haha.

As soon as I'm recovered enough from my surgery, I want to do push-ups regularly again so I can build up a little bit of strength again. However, it's going to really depend on how long I'll take to recover after surgery, so I don't know whether I'll actually be able to do this.

Reading Goals:

Read 25 Books! I know that’s a lot less than what I read this year, but I feel like I will be busy enough next year with other things, so I don’t know how much time I’ll have for reading. Still, I don’t want to neglect reading completely, so 25 books! If I succeed, I can go higher again the year after!

Get to a point where I only own 5 unread books at a time. I’m so close. I know I can do it

Finish reading at least 6 of the 12 series I’m in the middle of. I realized this year that it happens way too often that I start a series and don’t finish it, and then when I decide to continue the series I’ve forgotten what happened in the previous book, and that’s just a shame. So this year, I’m going to finish series instead of start them, and hopefully next year at this point I’ll only be in the middle of 6 series instead of 12…

Read 5 Rick Riordan Presents books. I still want to catch up on these books as well. I’m in the middle of 2 Rick Riordan Presents series at the moment, so if I finish those that’s already 3 books. Then the next Rick Riordan Presents series I want to read only has two books, so I want to try to read those too.

Keep reading classics. I want to read at least 2 new classics next year because I do want to keep reading those even though I’m done with my studies. However, I also don’t want to force myself to read too many of them against my will, so I think 2 is a good number.

Keep up with new releases! And by that I mean, read the new Truly Devious book, Percy Jackson book, and Nevermoor book in the year they’re released, so in 2023!

Art Goals:

Make 5 big art pieces. By that I mean I want to complete at least 5 drawings where I give them my all – colour it to my best abilities, add a background, and most importantly, don’t rush it! I want to make sure they are the best I can do.

Draw 2 more character posters for my D&D group. I drew 2 characters last year for my friends and framed both drawings, and they turned out so well and were so fun to make that I want to draw our entire party like that. However, they also took a lot of time, so 2 in a year should work.

Other Goals:

Finish the following 3 games: Life is Strange: Before the Storm, Subnautica: Below Zero, and Skyrim. If I finish other games that is cool too, but these are the ones I really want to finally finish!

Finish the Heartstopper comics and watch the Netflix show.

Check out some Doctor Who audio adventures! I put those off for when I needed to recover for surgery, so I should really actually listen to some of them while I’m recovering from my surgery.

If I do actually manage to get a piano, I want to start playing regularly again. It’s been way too long since I’ve done that (however, if I don’t manage to get a piano, I won’t count it as a fail, but will leave this goal for 2024, since I don’t know if I’ll be in the position to get a piano this year)

And I think that was it! See you again next year!

Last year's post: (x)

[iwanttobeyourwonderwoman]

I can barely breathe when you are near.

I’m just gonna say I totally loved the show. Mad love. 

And in case you haven’t figure it out yet, or watched the show to get it, I’m talking about Ginny and Georgia. 

So many important topics touched on so many feelings and oh so many love triangles.

So join me as i dissect the whole show hehe .

Alright basic plot-

Young single mom Georgia and her teenage daughter Ginny, and younger son Austin, are always on the road and have now moved across the country to the small town of Wellsbury, Massachusetts from Texas, where they encounter a whole load of quirky characters. Ginny, who never had friends, slowly starts fitting in with the popular sophomores, mainly her neighbour Maxine, who also has a twin brother Marcus while Georgia befriends their mother Ellen. The series follows their attempts and struggles of fitting in with the town, all while developing their own love triangles (square in Georgia’s case). And the best part is, the unfolding of Georgia’s dark past filled with teen mom struggles and a little bit of murder mystery as to how she has gotten to where she is now. 

Teen mom and daughter combo again? Been there done that!

Well yes, as everyone compares it to Gilmore Girls (my personal favourite show ever) here are some similarities and differences as well as other show references.

*SPOILERS!!

It does explore that close relationship that Ginny and Georgia have, but obviously the kind of bond that Rory and Lorelai had were a lot stronger and had their own personal quirks and wit. There were often rifts in G&G’s relationship caused by the secrets of Georgia’s past as well as Ginny feeling inferior to her own mother in terms of looks and her ability to be a chameleon to fit in anywhere. Rory was more focused on her grades and was comfortable just having her few friends. Ginny on the other hand wanted to be liked and wanted to fit in with her school friends and eventually becomes part of MANG and the boys. And in the case of the mothers, Lorelai focused on raising Rory and worked her way up to eventually owning her own Inn while Georgia snuck and tiptoed her way around swindling money wherever she could but all in the best intentions of her kids more than herself, desperate to give her kids the life she never had. 

Also in a way I feel like this is also similar to Jane the Virgin except of course Jane’s character is older, but if you take the standpoint of the mother-daughter relationship and love triangle(Jane/Rafael/Michael) as well as a little psychotic Murder mystery Petra vibes.

, I feel like G&G is a good mix of Gilmore and JTV.

When it comes to love interests, Ginny was stuck between boyfriend Hunter and neighbour Marcus. Sweet, innocent Hunter (my favourite character in the whole series because if you know me you’d know I’m a hopeless romantic) was pretty much Dean to Rory, while cool skater and stoner guy Marcus was Jess. And honestly I see a similar trend here where most people are Team Jess/Marcus whereas I’m team Dean/Hunter for the main fact that Dean and Hunter both treated the girls really good and I like that. 

Georgia, as I mentioned was more of in a love square than a triangle, because why the hell not right? There’s Joe, the owner of the cafe where everyone spends most of their time, then there’s Mayor Paul, who Georgia pushes her way to work for to get on his good side. And then of course, Zion, Ginny’s father. Sounds a lot like Luke, Jason and Christopher doesn’t it. I love that Joe had a more interesting and different story, where it was depicted in the flashback scene where homeless young Georgia, just found out she was pregnant at a gas station and comes out to a crowd of high schoolers, which is when she meets Joe. She says to him  “I’ll look you up if I’m ever in Wellsbury” Joe was already attracted to her as a teenager and doesn’t realise it’s the same Georgia he met years ago till the last episode whereas Georgia has known all this while. I don’t know about you but I feel like now Georgia has the funds to move to somewhere she aspired to be, where she knows her kids will get the best and where she received “a sandwich and a pair of raybans that changed my life” Also let me just add that Raymond Ablack (Joe) is INCREDIBLY HOT.

Moving on to Paul, Georgia is attracted to him but there is that underlying greed because Paul can provide her stability and security and power. And that is when she will finally feel like she has achieved wheat she needs to. Towards the end, she almost chooses Zion because of her deep affection for him as ‘her penguin’ as she refers to him as. Being with Zion also means she can let her guard down and relax a little, and obviously is a great father to Ginny and even Austin who isn’t even his biologically. Which also makes both guys equally good contenders for Georgia. 

Another thing I love about the show is MANG. Their friendship is real, it’s not just Abby and Norah accepting Ginny because of Max. Yes Abby did throw her under the bus in the beginning but they soon became really close and never singled her out after the shoplifting incident. It wasn’t a whole case of Regina George and the plastics all over again. They didn’t care that she was different. 

So I feel like Abby is a very interesting character also. I read that her character was created based on a friend of the writer. So abby puts up a very strong front when actually she is feeling quite distraught from her parents ongoing divorce as well as her own issues with body image. Abby is very petite but still is not satisfied with her body so she tapes her thighs to make them look smaller and wear tight jeans so that she can look slimmer. I the Halloween episode, Press even calls her “whale legs” and she obviously gets upset and you can see it affects her because she’s striving for such a perfect image all the time but also I feel like she has a thing for Press so that really messes her up. You can also see she does get a little jealous of Ginny and Max’s friendship but that’s mainly because she feels lonely and unheard and she ends off being estranged from Norah and Max feeling like her whole world crumbled. I really hope MANG gets to patch up. They were the ideal friend group along with the guys.

“Oppression Olympics, let’s go.”

I don’t know guys, this line really stood out to me.

Basically this is the scene in episode 8 where Ginny and Hunter argue about racism and why Ginny deserved to win that writing contest with her unique style (girl used slam poetry for goodness sake that essay was amazing!!??) But Hunter won and he is clearly the favourite of their teacher. He talks about how he is half Taiwanese and the Asian stereotypes he faces here as well as the White remarks he gets from the Asian side of his family. Ginny too says she can’t fit in because she is half Black and how this town had a very small black population and people are not sure how to look at her. I feel like touching on these topics of race was really vital to not only the show but to the actors as well. From the bts, I read that Antonia (Ginny) and Mason (Hunter) were in a room with the writer and jus spoke about the kind of remarks they have personally faced which helped develop the argument scene because it was so real and raw and quite upsetting to watch. It’s something very relatable to the audience which also just amplified that whole episode overall. 

I mentioned earlier my favourite character is Hunter. I admit I have a major crush on both the actor and the fictional character. Ok so I think Hunter was a great character, a very good boyfriend too, I mean look at the way he cared for Ginny, supported her, just that unfortunately she was more attracted to Marcus in the end but also that ugly oppression olympics fight just gave his character more depth to show that Hunter wasn’t as perfect as he seemed. I think girls watching the show deserved to see what a good guy looked like. He was smart, in a band, a very caring boyfriend, popular but not cocky. If you compare to let’s say the character if Peter Kavinsky, I think Hunter made a better boyfriend. DO i also think Kavinsky is a damn dream boat? Of course I do. but then again, I thought John Ambrose was a much better guy in the TATB series. Kavinsky was originally dating another girl before the whole fake couple thing started. Whereas going back to Hunter, he already admired Ginny from the first episode and stayed truly respectful until the end of the show. And that’s something girls should see and aspire to have.

Yes I loved the song I loved the fact that he sang it for her, I am such a hopeless romantic and I absolutely hate that poor Hunter/Mason has been getting a lot of backlash for the song/character. I’ve rewatched a lot of the Hunter/Ginny scenes multiple times just because. Hunter was a good guy. Period. 

So looking forward, I think a lot of important topics were touched in this show, slightly different from let’s say 13 Reasons Why, and I hope that they can continue to delve into those stories such as racism,self harm, body image and so on which really hit home for me. Important discussion topics, important for kids to see like oh hey this character is kinda like me, and if they are facing these issues, how can they get through it?

Also I need answers to all my questions - Where did Ginny go? How does Georgia get away with everything? Will MANG get back together? Does Abby have a deeper story to tell? Do Marcus and Ginny end up together? AND WHAT ABOUT MY POOR BBY HUNTER??? Lots of unanswered questions, lots of stories to dig deeper into, and so many secrets. I loved the mother l-daughter relationship, the same way I loved Lorelai and Rory’s relationship too.

I obviously totally enjoyed the show, I’ve recommended it to many friends and I hope they enjoy it as much as I do, and get more people on my Hunter Chen bandwagon hahahaha! Let’s hope for a season 2!!

Another super long post, finally done. I can move on to watching other shows now (and still constantly wish I too had cool stuff like Sophomore sleepover)

Hate you, kidding! Love you, mean it!

(just gonna leave these here because why not????)

[justimajin]

In the Imajining of: It’s a Reverse Basket

We’re back at it again! For those of you confused, this is basically my behind the scenes segment where I share the ‘imajining’ process of my stories. 

For this series, I’ll be talking about: 

The Initial Idea 

The Characters 

The Baseline Story 

The Overall Series 

Let’s get it!

The Initial Idea: 

Would any of you believe me if I said this series wasn’t meant for Yoongi at all? Once again, another member was my initial choice but after furthur developing the idea Yoongi ending up fitting the storyline more. Let me explain. 

The first concept I had for this series is pretty similar to what it ended up turning out to be - girl dresses herself as a boy to get into a basketball team and falls for the captain. I got inspired after reading a lot of manga and noticing the gender bender trope was quite common. I decided it would be interesting to have my own take from it and so the idea for this series was born. 

However, the story would have been completely different if we had Captain Jeon instead of Captain Min and boy, would it have been really different. Jungkook was originally going to be this very rude and stoic captain and the mc would have feared him until he started to chill lol. It sounded like a good idea at first but I wasn’t really in love with how the main couple was turning out. Additionally Jungkook was going to be known for hating liers and that would have put the mc into a even worse position, which I wasn’t a fan of either. 

So the whole concept was scrapped and I started shifting gears over to Yoongi. I thought he would have suited the role as captain wayy better and watching a couple of video’s of him playing basketball confirmed this more for me. I was really surprised with how fair Yoongi is with playing the sport and that helped spark a better image for the team’s captain. I also thought changing his character would immensely help the mc’s character and in ways support the growth she goes through (oof a couple loving and supporting each other’s dreams? sign me up) 

The Characters: 

> Y/N: For any of my old readers, I think it’s obvious to say that the mc’s personality here is considerably different compared to past ones I’ve written. One trend I noticed through all the manga I read was that the mc’s were typically extremely naive and somewhat clueless. I did think traits like these would fit Y/N’s character since her position of being in an all boys school with this secret that can be slipped out anytime leaves her with a lot of ‘uncertainty’ in that sense, but I wasn’t up for her being too clueless. In an indirect way, I wanted Y/N to be strong and sensible to deal with everything she goes through and I think her character turned out exactly how I wanted. 

> Yoongi: Oh my god. Not going to lie, I had the hardest time writing this boy’s character lmao. I’ve only ever written one fic for him and that was His First Love (shameless self plug here if you’re in need of some heart-wrenching angst) so you can say I’m not very used to writing about Yoongi. He’s the member that’s the most different in BTS and I really wanted to capture his personality perfectly in the story. This led to a lot of thinking on my part and I constantly had to ask myself: What would Yoongi do in this situation? I also have the tendency to observe the member I’m writing about a lot too, so you can say I did my fair share of “research” on him for his character (and by research I mean watching a bunch of compilations on repeat. #no regrets made). 

> The Four Weirdos Taehyung, Jungkook, Hoseok & Jimin: I was really keen on choosing characters for this and looking back now, I think I made the right call. My motive was to create almost a warm and welcoming atmosphere for Y/N when she first enters the school because 1. She’s already scared af from being there and 2. She’s aiming for competitive basketball, which means by default she won’t surrounded with what one would call the nicest of people. It was important for me to choose her roommates properly, because these two people would be the ones constantly around her and the ones closet exposed to her secret. After a lot of contemplation, I decide to go with Taehyung and Jungkook in the end. I’ve explored their dynamic a bit in His First Love and I found their duo was a bit iconic. I also discovered that there was more I could do with them in this story so I decided to go forth with them being her roommates. Hoseok and Jimin then became their neighbors and together, their group of five had a nice balance of characters that I was looking for. 

Also just a side-note about Jungkook’s character: he actually retains a lot of what his character would have been like as captain. I just toned it down more so he wouldn’t come off as harsh but just highly focused on playing basketball instead (which also ending up working because you know, Jungkook). He’s also very aloof because of this, which is why he never really tries to probe about Y/N’s identity and leaves it all up to the troublesome trio instead lol. 

> The Coach and The One You Wanted to Punch Namjoon and Seokjin: I was a little disappointed that I didn’t get to write Namjoon’s character in a more involved way since Yoongi took some control of the practices, but nevertheless I’ve always found that Namjoon is great to write in admin characters. I also wanted to expand an arc about him and Taehyung a bit, showcasing some of the struggles Taehyung has gone through just to be at the school as mentioned in Chapter 2. I decided to drop this because the story needed to be concentrated on Y/N more, but I thought I share this tidbit so you guys know where I was thinking of going with that segment of the story. 

Moving on to Seokjin - I freaking loved writing this guy’s character haha. And I’m not saying this because I’m biased, okay? I just think he really suits negative characters so well and he’s so cheeky that you’re left confused whenever he pops up. I wanted to write him in such a way where he retains that joking and charming manner of his but at the same time, he’s the type of guy you want to just maintain some distance from for precaution. His rivalry with Yoongi, his interest in Y/N, his playful banter with Taehyung and Jungkook - it all tied in so well. I also wanted to keep his character in the loop towards the end and that eventually his differences would become resolved, but Taehyung and Jungkook would still highkey be annoyed by his random presences lol. I also hoped his sudden appearance would spark a lot of attention in Chapter 10 (which it did, of course. It’s Kim Seokjin!) because he’s the only character that’s introduced mid-series. 

> Hyerin, Soyoung, The Jackass That Ruined It All: So these characters were thrown in during the planning stages and they’re all extremely important. I’ll start off with Hyerin. 

Hyerin was a character I didn’t know I needed until I figured out Y/N’s character. After coming to the understanding that Y/N’s going to be this timid and naive person that’s going to be hiding a secret from everyone close to her, I realized she would need someone to almost confide in when things got tough. I’m not saying that Taehyung and Jungkook weren’t great friends, that’s the complete opposite of they were, but Y/N needed someone that she didn’t need to hide from. Hyerin also helps with the fact that Y/N’s entered a new school, so she really isn’t sure when to let her guard down around people and if she didn’t have a friend with her, she could have ended up feeling lonely. Hyerin is also veryyy vocal too, so when Y/N needed a voice, I wanted her to take up the opportunity instead and express things Y/N had difficulty with saying herself (remember that flashback scene from Chapter 9?). So yeah, Hyerin wasn’t a character I didn’t originally come up with but more so needed in support of Y/N. 

Soyoung. This girl’s story is a lot more messed up than you would think haha. I conceived two idea’s for her and didn’t like either of them, so she ended up being the friendly but strict doctor that kept popping up lol. The first one involved Hoseok, in which she would be a close friend of his sister’s and they would grow up knowing each other. Later on, she bumps into him at the school and starts falling for him, but doesn’t say anything because she loves his sister a lot and doesn’t want to compromise their relationship. You can see hints of this story in Chapter 3 where Y/N faints and her friends go to visit her. Hoseok introduces Y/N to his sister in Chapter 11 where you would see this play out more, but I decided to scrap this after the chapter was really focusing on what Y/N was going through. I’d like to think this idea lowkey happened in the background, and in my mind I would still correlate Soyoung and Hoseok together. 

Now, the second idea I had was, well, bad. lol. Soyoung could have ended being Yoongi’s ex-girlfriend guys. Damn, I’m getting cringe from just thinking about this again. So basically Soyoung and Yoongi were going to have some unsaid moments between them and then later Y/N would notice and Yoongi would tell her the truth. Y/N wouldn’t really be bothered by this because homegirl has enough on her plate with school and basketball but Soyoung would be and would try to cause problems. I’m still not a huge fan of the “bad ex comes to ruins your hopes and dreams because of their unresolved problems trope” so I ended up rejecting this idea and I am so glad I did. 

Moving on, let’s talk about the jackass lol. This is the guy from Chapter 9′s flashback and who appears in Chapter 20 again. He’s basically the guy that ends up spilling the beans for Y/N. I didn’t give him a name because I wasn’t hugely fond about his character at all, but he’s important in the sense of reminding Y/N of the past, which Hyerin mentions wasn’t the greatest because she wanted to play competitively but was stuck being part of the girl’s recreational team. So it was important for this guy to pop up once again and for Y/N to confront him during a game in order to move on from thinking she couldn’t fulfill her dream of playing competitively. Her family also influences this, but we’ll touch on that soon.

The Baseline Story: 

Alright, so I added this segment as a way to highlight parts I wanted to talk about more, as well as add in some neat unknown facts: 

>> Chapters 1-4 are meant to set up the series and get majority of the characters introduced. The part to highlight here is Yoongi giving a second chance to Y/N in joining the team after she falls sick. This moment was extremely important for Y/N since now knowing what happens in the whole series (her family, the old boys competitive team) she was strongly discouraged to play basketball. In a way, Yoongi was the first person to actually support her and in return, he felt she belonged on the team and wanted to see her grow as a player.  

>> Chapter 5 was the shortest chapter but I wanted to highlight the end of it. It’s the part where Hyerin cuts Y/N’s hair for her. Although this was meant in a way to help Y/N not having to wear a wig all the time, this moment was also to show the lengths at which Y/N is willing to go just to play competitive basketball. Even though she doesn’t show it, Hyerin constantly reminds her of how much she’s going to miss her natural hair. 

>> Chapter 6-9 is where the reveal of her secret shenanigans begins. This ends with Jimin almost finding about her identity and how he completely falls off the mark with guessing what’s actually up. I wanted to highlight here that Jungkook was originally supposed to find out and I was so close with going through with that idea. He was also supposed to keep the whole ordeal along the way and secretly help Y/N, but for some reason I don’t think that suited his character very well. So I instead chose Jimin and it ended up leading into some awesome bits of comedy. 

I also wanted to point out that this was the part where Yoongi slowly begins to get closer with her. I really wanted Yoongi to find out her secret and for her to be aware of this early on in the series since this helps Y/N a lot in these parts. Yoongi covers for her when she can’t and in return, Y/N feels a lot more calm when he’s around. 

>> Chapter 10-11 is the part where Seokjin first appears and Yoongi x Y/N have some issues going on. I think this part was the hardest for me to right because I didn’t want to seem like either of them was wrong in any way, but at the same time show that they seriously needed clear out what was going on between them. I don’t think I’ve shown this kind of conflict between one of my duos and it was strange to write, but I honestly think it did a lot good than bad (maybe I should make my duos fight more, hm). 

>> Chapter 12-16 is the initial progressions of Y/N and Yoongi’s relationship. It’s cute, it’s sweet, and it’s just meant to highlight what they’re like being a couple. My personal favorite is actually Chapter 13, which is when they go out on their first date. I remember contemplating a lot for this chapter, since I wasn’t sure on what place would be the best to draw something more out from these characters. You have to think of this way - both of them get flustered easily and aren’t the most vocal people, so I have to throw them into situations that helps them feel comfortable and open up more. So ultimately, what did I end up doing? Got them to go watch a basketball game together because it’s their natural domain and Yoongi’s teaching side would instantly activate. (apparently I’m a first date consultant now so if anyone would like some assitance hmu).

>> Chapter 17-18 is the part where you get deeper into Y/N and Yoongi’s characters. After the cute initial stages of their relationship, things get tense. I start this off with Yoongi bringing Y/N over to his family’s house, a thing that seems harmless at first until Y/N’s visits and realizes something is up. From meeting his family to issues with his dad, I really wanted to show that there was stuff going on in the background with Yoongi as well, stuff he didn’t necessarily try to sort out and instead ignored. Y/N does end up noticing and helps him here, but in Chapter 18 it’s shown it’s actually because she understands it. She has a similar situation going on but it’s even worse on her side, so she doesn’t hesitate in trying to make things better for Yoongi as she doesn’t want him to get to the point of her situation. Later on in Chapter 18, Yoongi also sees the similar effects and comforts her about it, understanding her better in return. I felt this part in general was extremely for me to properly write and communicate, because it was a strong turning point for both of them and for their relationship, taking what the previous chapters started off and making it into something deeper. 

Chapters 19-20 and the Epilogue are basically just the combined ending, so there’s not really anything there for me to highlight. 

>> Random Facts: This just popped into my head as I was browsing but the dorm that Y/N, Taehyung and Jungkook live in is 613, which actually means June 13th, BTS’s debut date. Uhh Y/N was originally supposed to mistake Yoonji for Yoongi and there was going to be a lot of mayhem going on regarding that, but I didn’t like all that chaos going on during a game so I went for the opportunity of developing Y/N’s character more instead. Yoongi’s jersey number is 9 which correlates with his birthday and Y/N’s is 7, which correlates to their recent album + apparently as an angel number, is known for being unique and positive, ironically also good at being secretive and keeping secrets (yes, I actually did research about a number lol). That’s all that comes to mind right now for me in terms of facts. 

The Overall Series: 

My lasting impression of this series is a very good one. I think I was genuinely surprised around this time since I was able to write 21 chapters without getting exhausted (something that often happens when you write for too long) and really enjoyed every part I wrote. This series ended up turning out a lot better than I initially would have imagined and in a way, I think I actually improved a lot as a writer through it. 

[its-all-about-harrystyles]

Creatures Of The Night // Wolf Harry Part Four -

Hello!

So today I am excited to share with you the fourth part of Wolf Harry, which is a collaboration with the amazing @thedevilinbetweenthesheets <3

I will be writing Wolf Harry and she will be writing Vampire Harry. So it’s up to you to choose your side, will you be #WolfHarry or #VampireHarry

The story is set in the exact same location but with two different perspectives. We wanted to give you the choice to decide which version of Harry you prefer, and also what side you were on ;)

Please Reblog and Heart, and feedback is always welcome <3

Wolf Harry Masterlist / Vampire Harry Masterlist / Request / Part One / Part Two / Part Three / Part Four /

--

Warnings: Heated Kiss!

Word Count: 3282

Vampire is postponed until @thedevilinbetweenthesheets​ says otherwise!!

--

As the winds battle against the trees, creating a loud booming storm, Y/N just lays there, her tears slowly sliding down her temples and onto the grey cover of her pillow.

Right now she felt alone and vulnerable, she felt weak and tired.

She had been in bed since the incident, which was around a week ago now, and still, she could not muster the strength to get up and face this new world.

She wanted to be home, with her grandma, smiling, laughing and baking cookies in the kitchen. She wanted to be going to college and hanging out with her friends, going to the movies and worrying over stupid things like boys and school projects.

What she didn’t want was to be here, in the woods. She didn’t want to feel like a prisoner, that could do and go anywhere she wanted apart from her home. She didn’t want to have to worry about being kidnapped by blood-sucking vampires ever moment of every day. Overall she just didn’t want to be here, trapped in the wolves den, a sad, lonely and extremely vulnerable girl.

Of course, she had Harry, but he made her feel things, the type of things a boyfriend or a lover should. He made her smile and laugh, and on the inside, he made her feel all warm and nervous. She didn’t know how she should act around him, what she should do or day in situations where it was just the two of you. 

When she was with Harry, she felt the weakest, most vulnerable, and she loved but hated that at the same time. She loved that she could be herself in front of someone in this place, but she also hated the fact that she could easily become attached, and never want to leave.

The door creeks open, the light from the passageway illuminating up the centre of the room. 

You quickly brush away your tears, pushing yourself deeper under the covers as a figure appears inside the room. The door quietly clicks shut, and once again the room is dark.

The figure walks to you slowly, taking his time as he reaches down to the side and switches on the bedside lamp, the room no longer dark, but warm and inviting.

“I brought you some food, I’ve been told you haven’t eaten” Its Harry who speaks, his voice something you had missed. 

Since the attack, he hasn’t been around much, something to do with business between the two covens. He wasn’t happy about leaving you, but guards were watching you like hawks, people checking on you constantly.

“I made them make your favourite, Creamy Chicken Pasta, I bet you could smell it from the hallway” He nudges, placing the tray down on the side table.

He was right, of course. The scent of her favourite pasta dish wafted through the home all day, making her stomach growl and grumble with each smell of the air. 

“I know I haven’t been around much, I’m sorry, but I’m here now.....if you tell me what's wrong I could”

You sit up quickly, your hands clenching the sheets as you look at him properly for the first time in a week. You heart pounds within your chest as you suck in a deep breath, your eyes blotchy and sore from the weeks worth of crying. 

He looks at you and frowns, taking in your messy appearance. You probably looked hideous, red-eyed and puffy, its what crying did to you, made you look gross and blotchy.

“You want to know what I want?” You ask, sniffing as your tears begin to water again. He nods at you, urging you to tell him,

“I want”

You suck in a breath as your voice breaks,

“I want to go home...I want to be with my Grandma, I am the only thing she had left, and she’s the only thing I have left, and I mean she’s old, anything could happen to her. She could fall, and no one would know because she has no one! She could fall and die and I wouldn’t know, because I am stuck here, doing nothing, because I am useless” You cry out, throwing your hands into your lap. 

He watches you and sighs, looking out of the window. You can hear his steady breathing as he taps his fingers on his thighs, deep in thought.

“You know if I could I would let you, but I can’t, I’m not in charge I”

“I know” 

“I have people watching her at all times, if that helps” He whispers, looking to you with a small smile. You nod and sniffle, wiping the tear that wets your lips.

“I know it isn’t the same as being home, but I’m doing my best to protect her, I promise you”

“I believe you Harry” You whisper back, looking to him.

“I’ll try and see what I can do with my Dad, but I’m not sure I could change his mind, he’s an extremely stubborn man” He smiles, his eyes meeting yours. 

“Now how about I put a film on and you eat something?” He pleads, his eyes sparkling as he smirks at you.

Your insides twist as you stare at him, your hand shaking slightly from wanting to reach up and kiss him. You wanted to crawl into his arms and feel his warmth, having him whisper sweet words into your ear as you drift into a deep sleep.

“Would you stay with me?” You ask, 

“If you want me to stay, I will stay”

“I would if you don’t mind” You smile back shyly, leaning back against the pillows as he hands you the tray of food. Your stomach grumbles as you inhale the pasta, which causes Harry to chuckle as he walks over to the television and grabs the remote.

He sits beside you and begins to flick through the channels, stopping on the film channel. Toy Story 2 begins to play and you smile, remembering the times you would watch this with your grandma, both tucked up on the sofa, laughing each time she would tickle your side.

“I love this film” You giggle, twirling a large amount of pasta onto your fork and taking a bite. You groan as the flavours hit you, the cheese melting in your mouth as you swallow the first bite, this pasta would never stop being your favourite, it was quite literally that good.

“Same! When I wasn’t studying or training with my father I would be seen sat in front of the television, watching Toy Story, it was an obsession of mine” He smiles, placing the remote between you both. 

“After the film, I want to take you somewhere” Harry whispers, his voice low as you stare up at him. You smile and nod, turning your attention back towards the television. 

You cuddle deeper into the sheets, getting yourself comfortable as you focus all of your attention to the film. 

--

Harry's wolf kneels down, waiting for you to climb up onto his back.

You stare at him, still unsure about letting him take you places whilst on his back. He told you before that it didn’t hurt him and that he was stronger than he looked, but it still felt weird, to ride along on his back whilst he was in wolf form.

The wolf grumbles at you, whining as he blinks his eyes at you.

“Ok Fluffy, I just don’t want t hurt you” You laugh, kicking the leaves beneath your feet as you swing your leg over to the side of his other body. You wobble slightly as he raises his front legs, standing tall as you grip tightly to his fur.

“Now remember, don’t go too fast” You warn, as he begins to run.

You squeal, pushing your face into his neck forcefully. You close your eyes tightly, trying to ignore the fast-moving trees that zoom past you. You can hear the leaves and twigs breaking beneath Fluffys paws, his body causing the ground beneath to thud slightly.

“You evil dog” You spit, laughing as he huffs in response. 

You laugh at that response, pushing yourself up slightly. You let your eyes peak open, looking around at your surroundings, as everything continues to zoom past you.

You can feel his pace begin to slow, the things around you starting to take shape as the sound of thrashing water echos around you. Light illuminates in front of you as you look ahead cautiously, your body shaking as you come into a large clearing. The water that falls from above, cascades down into the large open lake, flowing freely into another small waterfall before travelling down a stream that leads beyond the forest. The water is clear and glowing, small bubbles flowing up from the friction of the waterfall against its surface.

Fluffy kneel’s for you to slide off, the warmth of his fur disappearing as you near the water, quickly falling to your knees as you look at it mesmerised. You can hear Harry transforming back into his human form, the crack of his bones making you shudder.

“This is beautiful” You call, turning to look at Harry. He’s pulling on a pair of joggers, his muscles contracting as he pulls them up. They hang low on his waist, his golden skin glistening from the glow the water creates against his skin.

“This is the Waterfall of the Moon Goddess, she blessed them a really long time ago, they have been sacred to our pack ever since” He smiles, walking to kneel beside you. You nod and look out, observing the way the plants sway above the water, their colours bright and eye-catching.

“All of our ceremonies take place in front of this waterfall because to us this is where the moon goddess lives, it is where she is closest to us” He whispers, his voice soft and warm.

“We also allow the pack to come and swim beneath the waters, they say it helps with fertility and healing” 

“And the moon goddess, who is she?” You ask, looking to him 

“The moon goddess, also known as Artemis in Greek Mythology, is the shapeshifter and goddess of the moon. It is believed that she is the creator of all shapeshifters, although she is a virgin, she is our mother. We celebrate and worship her just like other celebrate their gods, we just do ours during the full moons. For as long as wolves can remember we have worshipped her and the moon for all that she has done for us, and we will probably continue the tradition for many years too come” He answers, staring out to the glowing waters.

“So what makes this waterfall so special?” You ask curiously, reaching to touch the surface of the water. It ripples beneath your finger, sending vibrations through your body.

“It is said to be the place she came to bathe before humans began to inhabit the earth. I will show you the histories if you are interested, the waterfall will be in there somewhere” He answers, watching you curiously as you sink your hand lower into the warmth of the water.

“And do you have other gods, or is it just the one?” You ask, turning to him as you retract your hand from the water.

“We do, but we tend to worship her more than others, as she is our creator” He smiles, his teeth glowing.

“And what would you say if I asked if I could swim?” You question curiously, reaching to pull your t-shirt off. 

“I would say go ahead, but I will warn you, no human has ever swum in the waters of the moon goddess, so swim at your own risk” He warns, raising a brow at you as you pull the fabric from your body. 

The breeze is nice against your skin as you slip out of your flats and begin to shimmy from your jeans. You were glad you wore cute underwear today, otherwise, this would be way more awkward.

“Are you coming in?” You ask, turning to him. 

Harry stares intensely at her, his whole body humming as he watches her clothes fall to the floor. His wolf whines inside, enjoying the sight of his mate. He can’t stop the moan that escapes him as she turns, the glow of the water causing her skin to glisten like pixies skin.

“Harry” You question, causing him to jump as he coughs.

“Sorry, what did you say?” He asks, pushing himself up from the grass. 

“Will you be swimming with me?” You ask, grinning as he chuckles.

“I’ll be in, in a minute” He smiles, turning his back to you quickly.

You watch as he begins taking in a deep breath. You shrug your shoulders as you turn to the waters, your body radiating excitement. You take small steps to the edge, nervous as you hesitantly sip your toe into the glowing pool.

Harry said he didn’t know what would happen to humans that swam in these waters, so I guess you were sort of like a guinea pig. 

Taking in a deep breath you let your body fall into the water, gasping as you submerge into its depths. Bubbles form around you as you begin to breathe, pushing your body up to the surface with a smile. 

You feel electric as you rise, pushing your hair back as you look to where Harry stands, watching you with a smirk. 

“This is amazing” You shout, your body humming with unknown energy.

“I feel, powerful” You laugh, submerging your body back beneath the depths. You smile as you swim, spotting small fish swimming around beneath you, you swim to them and reach out, giggling as their fins tickle your skin. 

The water beside you falls, a splash creating waves as you get pushed to the surface. You suck in a deep breath and squeal as a set of hand grip your feet, pulling you back down towards them. You begin to kick your feet outwards, scared that this may be a weird supernatural creature that didn’t want humans in the sacred waters. 

As you feel a set of hands on your waist you panic, expecting a monster as they spin your body to face them. 

As you open your eyes you see Harry, his smile wide as he pokes your nose. You hold a hand to your chest and laugh as he pulls you up to the surface, both of you taking in deep breaths as you breathe in the air around you.

“I thought you were a monster” You hold your heaving chest, sucking in deep breaths as he laughs at you.

“Not a monster, I don’t think” He laughs, reaching out to take your hand.

You let him and smile as your skin touches, your body once again shudders as he allows his fingers to tickle your palm. 

You look up at him cautiously, your eyes meeting his for a split second before looking away. You can feel your cheeks heating as his hands move to your waist, your heart pounding within your chest as your stomach erupts into thousands of butterflies.

“You won’t leave me again, will you?” You ask, turning to face him again. He smiles at you, shaking his head as he lets one hand hold your face.

“If you don’t want me to, I will stay by your side” He answers, his face soft and completely serious. You nod and begin to bite at your lip, pulling it between your teeth.

“Do you think I will ever see her again, my grandma?” You ask,

“I will make sure you see her again, I promise” He answers, his thumb stroking at your reddened cheeks. You nod and smile at him, your eyes trailing down to his lips. 

You stare at them for a while, admiring how plump and soft they looked. They were probably nice to kiss, extremely soft but still dominate. 

You can feel the electric between you as his lips get lower, everything around you ceasing to exist as his lips eventually connect with yours.

Your body vibrates with electric energy as soon as your lips begin to move, his hand caressing your face making the sparks more intimate and forceful. Your whole body moves with the kiss, small whimpers leaving the back of your throat as your legs float up to wrap around his waist, holding you closer to his body.

You can feel the skin of his stomach against yours, warm and soft. You can’t seem to stop your hands as they trail up his chest, your fingers getting to know every inch of his skin as they delve up from the water and into his hair. 

He groans against your mouth as you tug at the small curls, your body shuddering as his hand slips to hold your bum. 

Your lips move, the kiss is passionate and sloppy as you push into each other more, craving the feel of skin on skin. 

The kiss, it felt as if you had been struck down by lightning, it felt like your whole body was sparking and tingling, creating sparks of its own.

You whimper as he pulls back breathlessly, your body cold as he leans back to look at you. You stare back at him, your eyes wild and lustful as he stares down at you. 

His eyes this time are completely black, the shine in them intense as he looks at you. He smiles and licks his lips, observing the way your cheeks get redder.

“I can’t kiss you like that again, not without something happening” He growls, coughing to the side as he tries to control himself.

“What do no kissing unless sex is involved?” You laugh, trailing your fingers down his neck.

“No, I just need you to be wearing more clothes, otherwise I won’t be able to control myself” He laughs, leaning to kiss your forehead.

“So, you liked it then, the kissing?” You ask, suddenly shy as he stares at you.

“I loved it, it was the best kiss I think I’ve ever had” He admits, shrugging slightly as you unwrap your legs from around his waist.

“Me too” You reply, laughing as he splashes you with water. You giggle at him and splash him back, watching his face darken as he focuses intensely on something. You look to the side at him, waving your hand in front of his face as he completely zones out, 

“Harry...Harry, what's wrong?” You ask, your heart thudding as you watch him look up at you. His body is stiff now, his jaw tense as he reaches to pull you to his body.

“What's wrong?” You ask again, looking up to him

“My father” He answers, swimming you to the edge. He helps you out of the water, his feet heavy as he paces the grass. You stare at him, collecting your clothes from the ground as he stares to you once more,

“You’re scaring me” You reply, watching his head snap up.

“My father, he has declared war with the vampires” He answers, watching you for a moment.

“so, you told me that already” You reply, shrugging slightly as you throw the large shirt over your head. As you slip your head through the hole you scream, Harrys face now incredibly close to yours.

“Yes, that was until we knew what they wanted” He answers, reaching to take your hand. You smile at him, leaning into his warmth as his breath fans your face.

“And what is it they want?” You ask, looking up to meet his black, intense eyes.

“You”

--

[nctsukashii-archive-blog]

Unpopular character you love? (not hoshi)

The saltiest cracker you know is me, Bepsi!23. Unpopular character you love?

Ah SHOOT. YOU TOOK MY EASY ANSWER. JERK ! Meanie !!! U big pizza slice !

aababbaa but! I do have one I really wanna talk about!Under the cut you see, for I ramble a lot.

- Hifumi !

I love him man.There’s so much about his character that’s so relatable and lovable to me. I think that’s why DR1′s amazing theme of “don’t judge a book by it’s cover” really comes on in with him. On the outside he looks like as one would expect of a gross anime fan. Fat, not attractive, pretty gonk-y, speaks all fuckin over the top like an anime, so on and so forth. But it’s when you learn about him that really makes him super fucking amazing.His past is like, something that I can relate to myself in a bit. As someone that ‘became a bully to stop the bullying’ and stopped when he could like… find enjoyment and fun in an anime character and put all of his effort into that instead. He’s drawing because he shows appreciation for her, and that’s super sweet. And quick tangent before I continue, but “he only makes hentai” is a bad argument. Like, he does and I ain’t gunna vouch that he doesn’t but lots of people do. What’s wrong with it? Like, is it a crime to make that stuff??? Clearly not if Doujin creators are a big deal in Japan, able to have hour long lines at their stands at conventions, with people willing to purchase their merch with devoted fans. Like, ppl are so quick to demonize sexuality it’s CRAZY.

Anyways, back on topic. He’s got a great personality. He’s like, a bit of a stuck up jackass when ya first see him, but it’s the later interactions that just really sell it for me. He’s got some of the FUNNIEST lines in my opinion, between saying that his punches towards Ishida will go faster b/c he has no arm hair so there’ll be less wind resistance, or his numerous anime and videogame quips (”rebooting my devices; please stand by”, “You haven’t reached that point in our friendship! You don’t have enough friendship points to be asking those questions!”, “If he tries that (in context it’s mondo going to attack monokuma) Oowada Mondo-dono’s health will go to zero!”, “the whole anime plotline for the first episode outside the trash room”, for a few) are all just absolutely stellar to me. He’s unabashedly awkward because he’s just so confident in himself and what he loves, and it makes me happy to see him so enthusiastic!

Speakin of that, let’s go more into it!!He’s so passionate about himself, and just has a gay ol time doing everything. It’s absolutely amazing honestly. His speaking is just so energetic! He’s so happy to do what he does as an artist and I absolutely love it! It’s almost inspirational, that he can be so unabashedly confident and happy about his skill, and it shows just how much love he puts into his art. And real talk here, but Hifumi isn’t even that much of an asshole. Like, people make him out to be some kinda monster, when that’s absolutely not the case. “he killed Ishimaru though!” yeah, because Celes lied and said that Ishimaru sexually assaulted her, took what would be at that point Hifumi’s close friend, and said Ishimaru planned to kill him and probably everyone else. Like, murder is still wrong, but he didn’t do it because “oh celes asked me to”. He did it for his sense of justice- in that he hated to see someone like Celes be hurt. : / don’t diss my dude for tryin to protect a friend yo. His spats with people are less mean spirited and just more fun and lightheared dickery. Like, when you crack shit with your friends. He picks fights, but it’s never out of malicious intent. It’s like having a good time or trying to lighten the atmosphere, albeit in his own goofy anime way.Even in Chapter 2, the spat he has with Fukawa in the library over literature and doujin isn’t as aggressive as it prolly should be. He takes most insults with stride (unless they insult the 2-D works of course!!) and it feels a lot more like a cliche anime rivalry (esp. when he says shit like “you are my ARCH NEMESIS, I can’t make you tea!” when Fukawa asks why he only made some for Celes). At least, that’s what Yamada thinks.

He’s confident, which a lot of people always like to assume makes someone a dick or feature it as a negative trait rather than a positive one, when it can go both ways. Hifumi being able to have such high standards that he openly admits to not reading other people’s works because he can just write a story he wants to see himself can be considered narcissistic, but having the confidence to sell his works starting from high school (prolly when they were more pg and ‘fade to black’) and get over 10,000 copies sold is something to be proud of and I’m glad that he is! It’s a stigma that artists have to hate themselves, or suffer for their work, but I disagree. When an artist is healthiest and happiest in their mind, that’s when they make the best work. Vincent Van Gogh made the Starry Night when he was in a hospital getting better for his depression and mental relapses after all. Hifumi’s not fit, and he definitely has some areas where people would consider him unhealthy such as his eating habits and whatnot, but he also focuses on being happy and being himself as a first priority. He eats because he enjoys it, and remembers to have all his meals. He does what he likes without actively hurting others, because he just enjoys doing it, and he loves to promote his favorite anime character. He’s a dorky geek that says shit like “swag” and fuckin says “i forget not everyone is as savvy as I am” which is just so fucking amazing to me it’s both hilarious and fun.

Also haha, the fact that he’s making Doujin from a character who’s overweight is kinda nice to me, because she’s not a “conventionally attractive” anime girl with big titties and a small stomach; she’s chubby and different, and I think that’s nice to show what Hifumi’s interests are as well as what anime really means to him. It’s not just about getting his rocks off, it’s about the fun and enjoyment and the feelings that anime can give you and what your mind can do. It’s why he had a dream about going on a date with a magical girl, the kinds of characters who inspire friendship and happiness, for fucks sake. When he was lonely and had no friends and became a bully to counteract the way people treated him, he found something that would be there for him, and he wanted to support it ever since. Which is a powerful and very overall positive message to give people.

But he has great messages too. Messages about being able to be yourself and have fun, no matter how “dorky” or “lame” your interest might be to others. He encourages people to have fun in their own ways, even if he wants to promote Princess Piggles, with lines such as “what might be boring to me might be another persons moespiration! With that in mind, look for your own!” and “In a sense, a geek is like an expert. That’s right, a total expert! A successful musician must necessarily be a music geek, a good movie director is a movie geek. You see? It’s those experts, those geeks who open up the world to others!”. It’s positive and nice, and it forms who he is as a person.

No one’s perfect, and neither is he, but he’s pretty damn good. And I’ll defend him with every fiber of my being for just how real he feels.

I personally believe it’s because this fandom has a definite bias against male characters that aren’t distinctly attractive, as you can see Hoshi gets ignored quite a lot compared to all of the other males (even being the ONLY male left out of the halloween drawing!! Let alone he gets left out of most fan merch.) and he’s honestly one of the most down to earth and downright cool dudes in DR. I don’t want to change either of them, because I think their looks only make it better for their backstories and who they are as characters! So even if Hifumi gets like no fanart, and Hoshi struggles with getting new content, I’d rather have them the same way they are now, rather than make them attractive. Because I think that the way they are, only makes them better.

And that’s my short version essay on why I think Hifumi’s super rad and more people should give him a chance. Of course he’s a very hit or miss kinda person with his comedy, but if Tsumugi’s obscure anime references were fun for you, then Hifumi’s really good too! ^p^b

[halcyon-writings]

Bakugou Katsuki x Reader: Melancholia

Want to join my taglist? Here is the info! masterlist

requested by anonymous: “Hi I'm feeling quite depressed and lonely atm so can I ask for a scenario where Katsuki Bakugou was really good friends with a usually upbeat and positive girl and has a crush on her but when summer starts they stop talking and halfway through their summer break she texts him and tells him that she's feeling super lonely and insecure and like she doesn't have friends or people who care about her, and is overall done with life and needs someone to talk to.”

notes: female pronouns are used as said per the request

Another day...unfortunately, you thought warily to yourself, burrowing yourself further into your blankets at the same time.

You weren’t sure why you got this way, at school you were much different, more cheerful even, you were just really tired. Your mother wasn’t as understanding, however, making you get up, as she wouldn’t have you wasting away in your bed. She left for work, which meant you were able to burrow yourself into the covers again as soon as you heard your front door click shut and then lock.

Scrolling endlessly, you saw everyone else in your class sharing their fun activities and what they were doing over break. It made you a little jealous, but you also didn’t mind staying inside with the cool AC either.

You check your messages, and you’re not surprised, despite the small pang of disappointment, seeing no messages from any of your friends. Then again, you felt you weren’t all close with the class of 2-A, having transferred in from ______ (Location of Choice) after one of their old classmates had gotten expelled due to harassing the other girls in the class.  This group of people had known each other for a year or so longer than you knew them. They forged bonds with one another that you could never even hope to form.

Maybe you were just destined to lonely.

You wipe your eyes, feeling them water suddenly. No use being upset about it now. It was already more than halfway through the summer after all. You’d just bounce back into that happy persona when school started up again anyway.

Bakugou was annoyed, then again when wasn’t he anyway? having done basically everything a guy his age could do during his summer break (excluding the work, of course, but he could worry about it later).  

He stared at the current text on his phone, eyes narrowed. It was from Kirishima, again bothering him about the same damn thing he had been bothering him about for few solid months.

‘Have you asked her out yet?’

“Of course not, dumbass,” He mutters to himself, he was talking about none other than [Y/N] [L/N], the one who had transferred into the class about two months into the school year.

Originally he had seen her as one of the ‘extras’ except when he saw her use her Quirk. It was really powerful. But at the time, they didn’t talk, and his brash attitude wasn’t exactly doing him any favors either.

It was Pinky that had invited her to sit with them during lunch one day, it was your first day after all, and you looked pretty overwhelmed in her eyes.

You were quiet at first, but as time went on, you were beginning to find your own little niche in the group.

He didn’t really start talking to you until he saw you training after school. Not being one to be left out, Bakugou joined you. From hand to hand or his quirk against yours, you two found yourselves talking more and more.

And then the day came where you had made him land right on his butt. Sure you were concerned, your victory being lived short as you rushed towards him to see if he was already, but the look of complete and utter shock on his face was somewhat funny, and as he was about to berate you for this being a lucky shot, he then saw your laughter, and how your eyes seemed to be twinkling and then that was it. Bakugou Katsuki was whipped.

He looks down at his phone expectantly again. As if scowling staring at it would make the device type out and send a text to the one girl that had been on his mind since that day.

He totally doesn’t jump when said phone beeps, your name flashing on the screen with a text you’ve sent. Because that would be dumb.

[Are you as bored as I am?] The text read.

It was followed by another. [I have a question.]

[What?] He texts back.

[Nvm. It’s probably dumb anyways.]

[It’s not dumb if you wanted to ask me in the first place.] He responds, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. It’s not like you were with him to see that anyway despite him wanting you to be.

It’s a moment for you to answer. When you do he’s surprised.

[I still think this is a dumb question, but, is it wrong for me to think no one in class really likes me as a person? Like, unless someone really invites me into the conversation, I feel like I’m just left on my own?]

Before he can answer, he sees the bubble pop up next to your name, as you begin typing another text.

You’ve never felt more stupid in your life. Why would you ask him that?!  

He’d probably think you were some weirdo or something. Someone who let their insecurities speak over their actions.

What if he told others in the class? What would they do? You shakily began typing up another text. But, you didn’t like how any of the texts sounded, you seemed desperate each time you deleted some words, tried to reword your question, and even steer the topic of the conversation to something else. Anything else.

Then he answered.

[Who cares?]

Your eyes stung, of course, Bakugou of all people wouldn’t care. He had better things to worry about than to deal with you and your problems. Why did you ask him in the first place?

Your phone buzzed again. [Who gives a damn about what they think of you? You’re one of the people I can tolerate in that class, and believe me, the list of people is short].

You sniffed, wiping your eyes, a small smile growing on your face from his blunt, albeit comforting form of comfort.

[Besides, who cares if they didn’t like you? I do. And as the future number 1, that counts as something.]

You choke back a laugh at his text. Then you felt yourself become warm, flustered almost, at the other parts of his text.

[Thanks Bakugou.] You reply, face still somewhat warm at that sudden revelation of his.

[You’re welcome.]

Although you were certain this wouldn’t be the last time you’d feel this way, after talking to someone, you felt that you would be okay for a while.

But then you froze, did he just admit that he liked you? You could feel yourself burning up again, really being flustered this time.

taglist: 

@clairvoyxncy @izuniias

[queenieships]

Questions 1-14 for the most recent one your reblogged!

Thank you for asking! Sorry it took a while lmao I got super lazy and distracted with it. Gonna put some of it under a readmore because it got particularly long!

1. When did youstart self shipping and why?

I mean I officiallystarted this blog I think… middle of last year? I can’t quiteremember the date off the top of my head but it’s been a while.However, I’ve been selfshipping for a very long time, justmentally! I kind of did that whole “Creating Ocs to ship withcharacters I liked and oh no those Ocs definitely aren’t based onme at all aha nope…”

2. How long have youbeen self shipping?

I think I’ve beenself shipping from a very young age! I remember being in primaryschool and being absolutely in love with Tasuki from Fushigi Yuugiand Axel from Kingdom Hearts (had a thing for red heads and fireapparently?) I genuinely must’ve been as young as 8, give or take ayear or two, so I’ve been self shipping and self inserting most ofmy life! 

3. Why do you selfship now?

I mean… it’sfun! And I mean, I fall in love with fictional characters withouteven meaning to. I just become very attached to them to the point Ican’t help but imagine myself with them! It’s also been a thingI’ve done for a very long time, a hobby, a habit, a copingmechanism – as a very creative but also very lonely child I thinkit was a huge way for me to feel like I was getting GOOD attentionfor once. I guess that’s kind of extended to adulthood. In ways aswell it helps me deal with some unhealthy situations I’ve had inthe past and it’s a way for me to explore and take interest intoxic and unhealthy ships in a safe and fictional environment. It’shelped me a lot improving with my art and honestly I officiallyjoined the self ship community because I was very lonely and had…NO FRIENDS.

4. Which of yourself insert characters is the most developed?

Probably myborderlands insert or my Newsies insert! I haven’t been toomassively focused on any other ship to develop my insert in thatuniverse very much and SOME of the universes I self insert in arequite difficult and elaborate when it comes to making characters forit (like in HxH)

5. Are your selfinsert characters 100% you or are they an exaggerated version ofyourself/leaning toward an OC?

I think it dependson the universe. Though I would say they’re exaggerated examples ofmyself, ideal versions or particularly troubled versions – All ofmy self insert characters look like me and have the same name and toa degree share my interests and talents – though I’ve also giventhem talents that I admire and really wish I had (such as singing,baking and sewing.)

6. If your selfinserts are closer to OCs what are some similarities they have withyou? What are some differences?

Lmao whoops guess Ikind of explained this in the one above? I guess something I like todo is depending on the universe I self ship in, I kind of pick a partof my personality that is a focus of that character. (For example, myNewsies insert is mostly centred around my social beliefs, mydepression and toxic relationship with my family and to a degree myfeeling of superiority. I’m actually very working class but you’llnotice most of my inserts are either very well off OR from thenicest, cleanest place in that universe they can be from – mynewsies insert is from a very wealthy family and my borderlandsinsert is from Helios.)

7. Do you have a‘type’ when it comes to f/os?

Yes but my type haschanged and shifted over time. There are definitely things I likethat kind of resonate throughout all of my F/Os. For example, almostall of my F/Os are confident to a fault. Most of them are also verymasculine, with a few exceptions. A character type I LOVE is therough delinquent with a heart of gold! (Seen in characters likeMondo, Metal Bat and Knuckle.) I also like perverted characters orones that show a lot of interest in women during the show/gamethey’re in (Examples being Scooter, Lance and Leorio.) I also seemto like people who have manual labour jobs or jobs that require themto be quite strong and get quite dirty and occassionaly kinda bruisedup (Examples being Scooter, Metal Bat, Scout, Hunk and Ellis who isnot yet on my F/O list but will be soon! A character I used to selfship with is Little Mac because I loved the idea of seeing him allsweaty and bruised up after a figh aha,,,)

8. Your top 3 OTPsamong your own selfships?

1. Me and Scooter!He is the problematic love of my life.

2. Me and Davey –although my focus has shifted dramatically from Davey to Scooter Istill definitely love this boy a lot

3. THIS IS SUCH ADIFFICULT PICK because honestly Scooter and Davey are and almostalways will be my top 2 BUT– my level of interest in my other F/Osshifts around so much? I’m even considering adding new F/Os thatI’ve become interested in recently, like… Mondo and Scout are thecharacters on the list I’ve shipped with for the longest but… Ithink maybe Leorio? I’ve always thought of Leorio and I as a reallygood couple, we’re so physically different and our personalitiesare such a good mix of getting along and clashing and I just!! idk Ithink number 3 is Leorio!!

9. Your top 5 OTPsamong others in the community?

@smoochesforseven and everyone she ships with. I love Moon so much and all of her shipsare wonderful though there is a soft spot for her and Newt!!

@better-than-nothin-kay and Rhys! We’ve spoken so much about borderlands and about her shipand honestly I love the female bodyguard dynamic it’s really cuteand they would physically look so good together!

@millizines andEarnest – I think this is like, the most undisputed OTP in thecommunity. I have never seen someone be so dedicated to their F/O andthey’re so genuinely in love with one another and have such aunique relationship!!

@momomochaccino andSandy (and spongebob!) – Seeing Momo so happy recently has beenamazing and witnessing what a positive impact the spongebob musicaland show has been for her is amazing!!

@peachie-doodles andLeonardo! Honestly seeing TMNT stuff on my dash makes me SO HAPPY andLeonardo has always been the one turtle I never really felt aconnection with BUT seeing someone so in love with him andappreciating him makes me really happy and makes me appreciate himmore as well! (also after speaking with her I realised that, althoughRaphael usually draws my attention because he’s big n buff andrough and tough but a total softy which FITS MY TYPE — Mikey isactually… my fucking boy?? I went around ready some fics andwatching some clips and like, damn. I really love Michaelangelo nowlmao, considering adding him as an F/O!!)

10. Has a roleplayblog for one of your f/os every interacted with you?

Lmao no. Honestly Iwould sob if that ever happened to me and I’ve seen other peoplegetting RP anons regularly in their asks and honestly I… reallywant it aha? I used to RP self ship stuff with a friend, where Iwould write as myself and the character she shipped with, and shewould play herself and the character I shipped with and!! it was!!great!! I would die to find something like that again.

11. Are you anartist or a writer in the community? Or do you do something elseentirely?

Um, both I guess! Iby no means think I’m a good artist but self shipping has reallyhelped me improve in a lot of areas. I highkey hate my style and atsome point I want to dedicate some time into developing it intosomething I can actually enjoy looking at. As for my writing, I’vealways been a talented writer – especially a few years ago. I waswriting frequently and everything I wrote was lowkey incredible.Nowadays, my writing is so few and far between and I am so stronglyout of practice it hurts and I feel almost embarrassed readingthrough any new fic I write. I’m hoping with time I can build myskills and confidence back up again!

12. Name a few ofyour favorite things about self shipping.

Honestly, myfavourite thing about self shipping is that I can feel like I havecompany regardless of how alone I actually am. Countless days spentby myself in my room and during lunchtimes back when I was at schoolcould be spent daydreaming about being loved and having adventureswith characters I enjoy! I always daydream a lot before I fallasleep, usually about cuddling up and spending the evening with oneof my F/Os before I fall alseep. Honestly without selfshipping Idon’t know what I’d do with my time. It’s such a huge thingthat fills up my day to day life and makes me happy, I genuinelydon’t think I’d still be here without it. 

13. Talk about apositive experience you’ve had with the community.

Honestly this iskind of hard for me lmao? I wouldn’t say I’ve had many hugelypositive or many hugely negative experiences overall. There arepeople I’ve found I get along with, there are some people that rubme the wrong way, there are some people I just haven’t spoken to! Ihaven’t really received any hate apart from someone being a dickabout my aesthetic commissions but I don’t really receive theattention I would like to either (is that bratty and selfish?Probably! But at least I’m honest about it lmao.) 

14. Finally, talkabout a few of your favorite self shippers!! (Honestly, talk about asmany as you would like!)

I don’t reallylike doing this because I’m afraid I’ll miss someone off andthey’ll feel sad about it or something BUT HERE’S A LIST OF PEEPSI SPEAK TO OFTEN AND CARE ABOUT AND TREASURE (note just becauseyou’re not on this list it doesn’t mean I don’t like you ordon’t enjoy your content! Just means this people I am particularlyclose with.)

@smoochesforseven

@better-than-nothin-kay

@millizines

@ckselfinsert

@limey-blue-arty-do

@momomochaccino

[mariajustinteriordesigns]

My Home Detox Project + Reset Button For 2021

It’s finally 2021, and though this doesn’t mean we are back on planes and out dancing again, at least the end of Corona is in sight. I have totally had it with this pandemic and most of us are quite drained emotionally and financially from it. I personally took a huge financial hit and had to give up my office which means working from home again while trying to home school my 1st grader in a foreign language. What a challenge… BUT friends, this post is meant to encourage you so I’ll get to the point. I want to tell you a little story about the morning of January 1, 2021 and how a huge pain in the ass caused me to push a giant reset button on my life.

There is so much negative news that anyone can complain and be justified in doing so. Complaining does nothing except allow you to blow off a little steam, and after some time, it actually intensifies the situation because the more you dwell on negative things, the more negative you feel. The more stuck in the mud you stay.

We can never underestimate the power and importance of having ownership, of taking responsibility, for everything in our life not just the stuff that we technically can blame others for. Yes, in some cases others have been the cause of our pains in life, or situations like Corona can be to blame for many problems, but ultimately we must take action on everything that is thrown on our path and either move it aside, throw it out, or jump over it. To stand on the path and blame the thing laying in front of us, or worse, to turn around and walk back, is the true definition of insanity. We may need to pause for a moment to determine the best way to proceed despite the obstruction, but proceeding is the goal.

This is how I decided to ‘reframe’ 2021 - much differently than 2020. To take responsibility and ownership of my life in a new, more deliberate, way. Last year, I definitely paused too long on my path with nearly everything that was thrown my way. I didn’t take action quick enough. If it was related to my son, family or close friends, I jumped immediately to save the day. If it involved me, my career, my life, I froze and felt victimized a lot. I gave in to wine on the weekends to take away my stress and anxiety. I gave in to starvation and coffee during the week to make up for the calories of the wine on the weekends, which made me tired and addicted to coffee instead. I was either jittery (during the week) or as relaxed as a slug (on the weekends). In either case, I felt more useless than useful.

Corona became the go-to excuse for everything that didn’t work.

And in most cases, it really WAS.

Yet, I realized before the holidays that I couldn’t go on allowing Corona to drive my life. It was in control, not me. One lockdown after another meant more schedule changes, cancellations, stress, and problems. This had to end yet not one of us can end a pandemic, so I woke up on the 1st of January and decided I would END IT in my own way. It would start with me. It had too.

I remember exactly how I felt that morning - cold, withdrawn, lonely, sad. I felt like my life was no longer exciting, interesting or fun (it was up until Corona). Corona had become a huge pain in the ass. I missed my friends, parties, I wanted to fly back to America to visit familiar places and faces, I longed to plan a vacation or simply use the sauna at the gym. I wanted a fresh start, a fair to attend, friends to hug.

I KNEW NONE OF THIS WAS POSSIBLE YET (VACATION, PARTIES, FLYING, FAIRS).

I KNEW I HAD TO LIFT MY OWN SPIRITS BECAUSE I WOULD BE DOOMED OTHERWISE.

I KNEW I NEEDED TO BE STRONG AND MIGHTY FOR MY SON.

I KNEW I HAD TO RE-FRAME CORONA AND STOP FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF.

I thought about what is needed during times of hardship. What do you need to do to come up for air? You make the most of what you have.

What did I have that I could control?

That was the burning question that kept presenting itself to me.

THE ANSWER: My home, my business, my health.

These are the things that I realized needed all of my attention. On January 2nd, I woke up in a different state of mind that I did a mere 24 hours before. I was in control. I was ready to tell Corona to kiss off. I was ready to push the reset button and begin.

I decided to detox my home and my body. I immediately went off of alcohol and sugar, and decided to gut everything in my house - my closets, my drawers, the kitchen, the bathrooms, my storage rooms, everything would be emptied, looked through, and reorganized. I vowed to donate 50% of my belongings, sell another 5% (things I couldn’t imagine giving away), and keep the remaining 45%. It was a big commitment, but once I emptied all of my rooms, one at a time, and started the home detox, and committed publicly to it on my Instagram @decor8 (which helped me to stay accountable), I knew I could do it. I had to. There was no backing out.

As I sorted, friends locally and even online cheered me on. Some came over to help, like Gabi, Esra and Jasmin. Others accepted my donations of love like Diana and Kristina. I felt lighter as my many beautiful things left. I gave things to neighbors. I got rid of over 400 magazines, some I’d collected since 2006. I never realized I had so many, but I had stacks and cabinets full of them. I know they are part of my profession, so naturally magazine obsession would be part of being a journalist and creative director, but still. I couldn’t justify owning 400 magazines. Now I have one favorite stack of about 30. It feels good. I can’t even count the amount of ceramics that I donated to charity. And throw pillows. Wow. I have been working 6-12 hours a day on my home since 2 January and today I finally paused to write this post. It’s the 19th, so 17 days purging, full-time. Tonight I’ll start again. I am determined. Control is so liberating.

I am nearly finished detoxing my home. Now I want to detox my cellar room, maybe next week. I have about 30 nice things to sell, some will go on my new second-hand Instagram @decor8holly and the others, I will peddle in the spring once flea markets reopen and I can rent a table. Yet, as I look around my newly detoxed house, I think about how I want to do a round two next month and get rid of even more. Keep decluttering until I feel more freedom from “stuff”. The overall relief, joy and that fresh start energy I love so much has become addictive.

My wine on the weekends and coffee during the week has been replaced with less coffee, more water, fresh juice and smiles. My energy soars. Life feels totally good again and I have a sense of comfort and hope. My home is once again my creative launchpad and happy spot for me and my projects. I even created a new podcast studio and office in my former storage room, because it’s much better for recording than the large office in the front of the house that I use most of the time. The smaller office is cozy, charming and full of light - and it’s very quiet and my son likes that I am in the back of the house where his bedroom is. He can play and have me nearby.

Once I have finished my home detox, I’m building my all-new classroom online to replace Blogging Your Way. I will offer a shiny new e-course. It will be all about marketing yourself online through newsletters, online classes, communities, and more. I will also put a new guide in the decor8 shop to download all about how to detox your home. My home detox helped my creativity to return tenfold. I also will paint some rooms, move things around, and reinvest in new pieces after selling some off (like my dining room table/chairs and a few other pieces). I plan to finally renovate my son’s room from little boy to big boy - he turns 7 in only 3 weeks and bears holding kites are no longer cool (that’s the motif on his wallpaper).

The best part of home and health detox goes beyond all of the benefits mentioned already… The greatest benefit is that I barely think about CORONA or what I miss. I have no time, I’m too busy leveling up so that once this pandemic ends, I’ll be ready to throw open my doors to guests, host parties again, and enjoy going out with friends because I’ll be healthier AND so will my home.

If you need support detoxing your home, I’ll create a post a guide in my shop soon, and you can use hashtag #mydecor8 to post the after photos of the rooms that you’ve detoxed so I can see your space. You know, I am so glad I found control over my home/life again. You can too.

Love,

Holly

[youtiaoshutiao]

translation: a love so beautiful || 致我们单纯的小美好 (the novel) → chapter 2

Here you can see how the drama deviated quite a bit from the book narrative :) Hope you enjoy!

edit: realised that dolly at https://teaquilashot.wordpress.com is also translating, so now we will be collaborating to translate the novel together at her blog :)

original text by: 赵乾乾 (zhao gan gan)

translated by: yt st / youtiaoshutiao @ tumblr

disclaimer: translation here is purely for non-commercial purposes, and I don’t own the original work. please credit this tumblr if borrowing any translation from here. :)

notes: translator’s notes are bolded and bracketed, terms translated literally are italicised. sometimes i take liberties with punctuation and certain phrasing when translating too. :P

After summer, we stepped into the busy year of Junior 3. I have always prioritised important matters above everything else, hence things like immersing myself in romantic love were promptly kicked to a side. Plus, Meteor Garden was airing fervently back then, so I changed to being crazy about Dao Ming Si instead.

The event that caused me to confirm my resolution to have being infatuated/fangirling over Jiang Chen as my life goal happened half a year later. The night before the mock exams, amidst my mum’s beatings and scoldings of “How did I raise up such a forgetful pig-headed daughter like you?!”, I hurriedly rushed to the Xue You (NOTE: direct translation of Xue You – study friend) Bookshop to buy the 2B pencils I needed to shade the OAS for my mock exams the next day.

Even though Xue You Bookstore claims to be a bookstore, but it sells a variety of things – from books and stationery to stickers and toys, basically, whatever was trending among students, it would sell. Later on after muddling through life in the outside world, I discovered that the two words “Xue You” was a name that all non-franchise stationery shops and book shops in the country liked to use. I didn’t know if this was because this name would cause numerous students to feel a sense of familiarity akin to seeing a friend, or if it was because everyone was lazy to come up with names. But if there was a day where I decide to give back to society, I would also want to open a Xue You shop, on the surface it would sell books and stationery, but it would actually be a centre of students to pay a fee and make friends, especially female students, though if there were special requests, we could also sell male students at a high price.

I entered Xue You and grabbed a bunch of 2B pencils. At that point in time, using computers to mark papers had just come into vogue. I thought that the 2B pencil would appreciate in price in the near future, and I had to stock up. But the truth proved otherwise. While the price of pencils did rise by ten cents, there were many pencils specially made for shading the OAS that were produced. While everyone else was using mechanical pencils to shade their OAS, I still had to pitifully use a knife to shave my pencils. Prophets are all lonely people.

As I clutched a bunch of pencils, about to pay, Jiang Chen entered through the door. Perhaps out of a strange adolescent voyeuristic mentality, I subconsciously grabbed a book off the shelf, using it to block my face as I secretly watched him.

Jiang Chen upon entering made an immediate beeline for the counter. The lady boss saw him, and smilingly carried up a pile of books from under the counter. “The embroidered collector’s edition of the Four Classic Novels of Chinese Literature (NOTE: namely Romance of Three Kingdoms, Journey to the West, Water Margin and Dream of Red Mansions) you wanted, I specially went into the city to obtain its stock.”

Jiang Chen smiled and said, “Thank you Lady Boss, how much is it?”

“853 RMB, I’ll take 850 from you.” The lady boss took his money. “I’m not even counting in the transport fees.”

Jiang Chen smilingly nodded his head. “Thank you Lady Boss.”

At that point in time our school fees were 200 RMB per semester, Jiang Chen was using money worth two school years/four semesters to buy a few rotten books, if he had so much spare money, he might as well… Actually I also didn’t know what he might as well have done, I’ve never had so much money, so I was really didn’t understand. Previously, someone told me this joke – a news reporter asked an old woman who lived deep in the mountains, “What would you do if I gave you 100000 RMB?” She replied, “Eat vegetable steamed buns everyday.” He asked again, “What if I gave you 200000 RMB?” She replied, “Eat meat steamed buns everyday.” Lastly he asked, “What if I gave you 1000000 RMB?” She replied, “I would have a vegetable steamed bun in one hand and a meat steamed bun in the other everyday.” I actually really empathised with the old woman’s plight.

“Ge ge (NOTE: meaning older brother), ge ge.” A child who had come out of nowhere was calling as he tugged on Jiang Chen’s trousers.

Jiang Chen squatted down and caressed his head. Blinking, he asked him, “Little friend, are you a boy or a girl?”

The little child sucked on his tiny thumb, and very seriously replied, “Boy.”

Jiang Chen was dissatisfied. “I don’t like boys.”

He was preparing to get up as he said that, the little child hurriedly tugged on his clothes. “I’m a girl.”

Jiang Chen laughed. “So you’re actually a girl. Okay then, what did you call me for?”

The little child fished out a box of colour pencils and two crumpled ten-cent notes from the large pocket of his overalls, lifting them high up to demonstrate how he couldn’t reach the counter. “I’m buying this.”

Jiang Chen took the box and stood up to pass it to the lady boss. “Boss, how much is this?”

“Ten RMB.”

Jiang Chen fished out ten RMB. After paying the money, he then squatted back down to pass the box to the little child. He patted his head and said, “Here, your colour pencils.”

The little child chortled as he took the box. “Thank you Ge ge.”

After saying “you’re welcome”, Jiang Chen prepared to stand up straight. The little child once again pulled at his trouser bottoms, so he could only squat back down again. The little child clumsily opened the box of colour pencils, and picking out a pink coloured one, said, “Drawing is very pretty.”

“I don’t know how to draw.” Jiang Chen said as he smiled. “You keep it for yourself to draw.”

The little child shook his head, and pointing at the books in his hand, said, “No, I draw.”

Jiang Chen stared blankly for a moment, then his face broke into a smile. He took out “Romance of the Three Kingdoms” and handed it over to the little child.

The little child held up the book and sat on the floor, lowering his head to draw something on it very seriously, while muttering something to himself. At last he clapped his hands and said, “Done.”

I tiptoed and stuck out my head to peep at it, that design looked like a rabbit at first glance, then looked like a dog when you looked more closely, yet its poise and charm also somewhat resembled a tiger.

Jiang Chen, taking back the book, looked at it very seriously, then said seriously, “The dog you drew is very beautiful, thank you.”

The little child, fluttering his round eyes, said, “It’s a cat.”

Jiang Chen did a double take, then laughed. “So it’s actually a cat.”

I stared at his dimple, it seemed to have deepened somewhat, I really wanted to go up to him and poke it.

What is known as “being stunned by beauty”, what is known as “being killed in a second”. Li Bi Hua (NOTE: a famous Chinese author/scriptwriter – she wrote Farewell My Concubine) once said – being stunned by beauty back at that time, was wholly because one had seen little of the world. But this wasn’t the case for me, in the times to come, I would repeatedly embellish these two scenes in my mind, just like the post-production editing for movies and television. I would adjust the angle of the scene, add light and shadow variation, layer on sound effects……

“How long are you going to squat at the hospital entrance for?”

“Ah?” With my great post-production editing project being interrupted, I was momentarily a little lost. Gazing into Jiang Chen’s somewhat impatient-looking face, I again sounded, “Ah?”

“Get up.” He stretched out his hand and with one grab pulled me up from the floor, dragging me towards the ambulance. In fact, I really wanted to ask him if he had forgotten to let go of my hand, and also if he was in poor health lately, his hand was so sweaty…

When we got onto the ambulance, the driver and my mum simultaneously showed facial expressions looking like they had just caught us in bed together. I helplessly rolled my eyes, and peeped at Jiang Chen a little apprehensively. He on the other hand seemed to be totally unaffected and sat by my side. “Small Li, start driving.”

After that, he turned his head around to tell my mum, “Auntie, I’ve already spoken to my colleague in orthopaedics, when we reach the hospital, we’ll take another X-ray, if there is no issue, we’ll do the operation this afternoon. Please do not worry, my colleague is one of the very best orthopaedic surgeons in the industry.”

My mum hurriedly nodded her head incessantly, and gave a really motherly smile. “We’re really troubling you.”

“It’s no trouble, it’s what I should do.” Jiang Chen was also really smiling like a filial son.

“So noisy!” My dad suddenly spoke up loudly.

Ever since my dad was informed that we were going to transfer hospitals with the help of Jiang Chen, he had been throwing a tantrum. Later on, the moment my mum walked away, he gave me a tongue-lashing, its contents being nothing else but one word – backbone! He felt that after how Jiang Chen’s mother treated me back in the day, I should stay far, far away from him. It was best that I spit him in the face with saliva when I saw him to express my disdain, but now I had gone as far as to accept his favour!

Three years ago, I graduated from X University’s art design faculty. Jiang Chen was studying both his bachelor’s and master’s degree consecutively in medical school and had to study for seven years, but due to his excellent performance, he had already begun to intern at the various major departments at X University’s subsidiary hospital by his fourth year.

Back then, Jiang Chen was really good to me, the moment he saw me receive my graduation certificate, he said that he wanted to marry me. Of course, this was mainly because I was always making baseless fabrications about a bunch of the so-called elite in society to scare him. For example, the manager who helped me open the door every day (whose original form was the security guard of our company, for I always forgot to bring my entrance card to tap in and out); the director who was always giving me flowers (whose original form was the person who sold flowers downstairs – when I was working overtime late into the night, I would always run into him throwing away the spoilt flowers that couldn’t be sold while on my way home, with my fervent hints, he would give the flowers to me); the client who treated me to watch a movie (whose original form was indeed a client, and I did indeed watch a movie, it was just that I had to write a publicity proposal report for them after watching it)…… An artistic creation requires an original form.

Once Jiang Chen heard that I was so popular, he became anxious, he said that the four years’ worth of breakfasts he delivered in university must not be delivered in vain, we had better get married.

I agreed with no sense of shame whatsoever. My thoughts were very simple, the faculty of medicine in X University was ranked no. 1 in the entire country, and Jiang Chen was getting the top-tier scholarship every year, there was basically no suspense that he was a stock with great potential. I had to capture him as soon as possible, such that when he became a blue chip stock (NOTE: aka stocks of financially stable and well-known companies that have good returns), I would be the grain-husk wife (NOTE: meaning a wife who has suffered hardship together with you) who had suffered trials and tribulations together with him, if he dared to divorce me, I would dare to ask for a half of his assets……

Of course, actually the simplest thought was that I loved him very much, and I was afraid he would be snatched away by someone else. One time, I went to the hospital he was interning at to look for him, and within one hour I saw three patients giving him their business cards, with one of even being a guy. This society was too terrifying, and Jiang Chen’s charisma seemed to slay both men and women.

It was just that back in the day, I was almost completely poisoned by television dramas and novels, and I thought that my love was invincible. But Jiang Chen’s mother made me realise, once my love experienced disturbances, it changed as it pleased.

One fine afternoon, Jiang Chen’s mother paid a visit to my mum. My mum’s status in my household, being a professional housewife, was akin to that of Wu Ze Tian (NOTE: the only female emperor in the history of China), but for the first time, I saw that plucky mother of mine being at such a complete loss of what to do, becoming meek without herself even noticing. To be fair, Jiang Chen’s mother didn’t say any undue remark, and she hadn’t fished out a cheque and said, “Leave my son, tell me how much money you want.” She was calmly discussing with my mum some wedding customs, but it was just the condescending attitude, like she was lowering herself to talk to my mum, that she exuded that caused my mum to be filled with trepidation. Watching my mum from the side as she rubbed her hands, saying, “We’ll cooperate, we’ll cooperate”, my heart was tart and painful, like it had been soaked in old vinegar.

Jiang Chen’s mother then sought me out one-to-one for a chat. She gave me a few pieces of paper and told me to take a good look, and if I agreed, to give my signature. It was a pre-marital contract, with its contents roughly being something along the lines of how I was not marrying Jiang Chen for his family’s money, and if we divorced, I wouldn’t be able to get any assets, etcetera.

At that point in time, I was really bewildered. His dad was just the mayor of a small town, how much money could he possibly have? Was there really a need to act like we were in a television drama?

I’ve already forgotten what I was thinking at that time, perhaps it was some noble matters like love and self-respect, but later I simply could not make up my mind, so I went to ask my dad. All I can say is that, that was a historic mistake.

Jiang Chen’s dad was my dad’s indirect supervisor. My dad felt that he was already such a wimp, being bullied and pushed around by these supervisors on a day-to-day basis, but for the family of his supervisor to bully his own family members, this was a matter that he simply couldn’t stand. Therefore he told me that if I dared sign, he would disown me as his daughter.

Thus, I again did yet another stupid thing, which was to give Jiang Chen the pre-marital contract for him to return it to his mother. Jiang Chen was really agitated and furious, and went home to quarrel with his mother. Later on, his mother gave me a phone call, with the main idea being, if I dared get married to Jiang Chen, she would dare to die at our wedding. Back then, I had little experience in society, so I was immediately psyched out by her. I totally didn’t think of any other ways to resolve the issue, for example to not hold a wedding ceremony, so that she wouldn’t have a place to die……

The matter of marriage was hence left unsettled just like that, after that, I didn’t know why, but perhaps work started to get busy, I was busy getting scolded by my manager, while Jiang Chen was busy attending classes and interning. Plus, most likely I started bearing grudges in my heart, I would incessantly nit-pick and needle him, and would provoke him over the most trivial and inconsequential matters. I tested our love by testing his tolerance.

When I said, “Jiangchen, let’s break up.”

He was silent for a long time before saying, “Don’t you regret it.” Then he slammed the door with a bang and left.

I thought that for two people who loved each other to break up, there should at least be some large-scale major event, for example, a third party; for example, suddenly discovering that I was his father’s illegitimate daughter; for example, either him or I contracting a terminal illness…… But in fact, there was no need for that. Uneasiness, busyness and weariness were enough.

We split up just like that. It was quite amazing, two people who had originally agreed to be together for a whole lifetime, now had absolutely nothing to do with each other in just a flash. For a long period of time, I even suspected that perhaps someone had pressed the fast-forward button for us, causing me to omit some plot circumstances that made the break-up an inevitability.

My dad was the happiest about my breakup with Jiang Chen. He most likely felt that this was one victory he had in his confrontation with those of a supervisor social class. But towards a later stage, my constant inability to find a boyfriend caused him to feel that the fruits of victory were sometimes bitter as well.

So I guess my dad’s feelings towards Jiang Chen were complicated. On one hand, he hoped that there would be someone who would take over the slow-moving product (NOTE: meaning a product that sells poorly) that I was, yet on the other hand, he also felt that he would much rather I be a slow-moving product than to sell me to Jiang Chen. He was probably experiencing internal turmoil akin to that of the capitalists existing during the Great Depression mentioned in our high school politics textbook who would rather pour milk into the river than give it to the poor.

What I didn’t tell my dad was that actually, that person wasn’t even intending to buy from you.

[auburnfamilynews]

Photo by Michael Chang/Getty Images

Four commits in three days ain’t bad at all.

Auburn’s 2021 class entered Friday with 4 commits and ranked #50 overall by 247 Composite. By noon on Sunday, it had doubled in number and moved up 29 spots to #21 overall. Not a bad weekend at all.

Commit Recap

It all got started Friday morning when speedy athlete Tar’varish Dawson announced his commitment to the Tigers.

1000%Committed #WDE @AuburnFootball @AuburnTigers @Lehigh_football pic.twitter.com/yFu0W7lRfc

— Tarvarish Dawson5️⃣ (@TarvarishD) May 15, 2020

Dawson is rated a 4* by both 247 and ESPN but Rivals is much lower on him which is why he sits just outside of blue chip status on 247 Composite. He’s a fascinating prospect whose position of the future is still to be determined. When initially watching his tape I assumed he would end up at defensive back, which is still completely possibly, but his lead recruiter was actually new Auburn offensive coordinator Chad Morris who wants to give him a look on offense as well. After signing a wide receiver class loaded with size in 2020, Auburn is hard after some speedsters this cycle and got one in Dawson. I still think long term his future is at cornerback but he will at least get a look at wideout when he gets to campus.

A few hours after Dawson’s announcement, another boom emanated from the Plains when offensive tackle Caleb Johnson went public with his commitment.

WAR EAGLE‼️@AuburnMade @AuburnFootball @AuburnU @AUAlumniAssoc @CoachBicknell @CoachGusMalzahn @LangloGarner pic.twitter.com/Fxiic6yp2f

— Caleb Johnson (@CalebJohnson70) May 15, 2020

You could make the case Johnson’s commitment Friday afternoon is the biggest to date in the 2021 class. Yes Auburn has more highly rated prospects currently committed but Johnson checks a box the Tigers have left empty for quite awhile in that he’s an offensive tackle prospect out of the high school ranks rated a 4* or higher. The Tigers haven’t signed one of those since the 2017 class when they landed a pair in Calvin Ashley and Austin Troxell. Johnson’s stock has been on the rise this spring landing offers from about everyone in the country. He’s got tremendous upside and will have a chance to compete for a starting spot pretty quickly in his career.

But it didn’t just end there. An hour later, Johnson’s teammate, Garner Langlo, decided to jump on board too giving the Tigers 3 commitments in a single day, two from offensive tackle prospects.

WAR DAMN EAGLE pic.twitter.com/G26YTp8yiO

— Garner langlo (@LangloGarner) May 15, 2020

Langlo’s recruitment has taken off in recent months with programs like Auburn, Florida State and Mississippi State all turning up the heat on the Florida native. I am interested to watch Langlo’s development over the coming years as his frame screams offensive tackle but his tape shows an SEC quality guard. That versatility will likely come in handy for Langlo as he fights for playing time down the road. It’s pretty clear Jack Bicknell has a type and that type is BIG DUDES.

The final boom happened Sunday and it was big one. After being hired as Auburn’s offensive coordinator, Chad Morris parted ways with former Auburn, turned NC State commit 4* QB Aaron McClaughlin and turned the heat up on a number of signal callers from the Lone Star State. #1 on that list? 4* Dematrius Davis who at the time was committed to Virginia Tech. But a couple of weeks ago he backed off that pledge. Sunday, Davis announced that Morris got his man.

Committed. pic.twitter.com/oWOpYOr5uk

— Dee (@Dematrius09) May 17, 2020

I plan to do a deeper dive on Davis next week but suffice to say this is a massive pickup for the Tigers. In my opinion, Davis is a perfect fit for Auburn’s scheme, which has been a struggle for the Tigers in the past when signing QB prospects from the high school ranks. Davis is a pass first, dual threat QB with a history of winning. He’s not afraid of the big moments and can do everything needed to get the most out of Malzahn and Morris’s system.

Even more important though is the impact Davis could have on the trail for the Tigers with other top prospects. He’s well known in Texas due to his success helping lead North Shore to two straight state titles. Apparently he had already begun working behind the scenes for Auburn on a number of prospects and it wouldn’t be surprising to see some booms in the not too distant because of it.

List Season

#AGTG I’m down to 6! pic.twitter.com/1GJ9ep605b

— Lake McRee (@lake_mcree) May 16, 2020

Top 8 I will be focusing on these schools moving forward. I am very grateful to every college and coach that has recruited me up to this point.@MizzouFootball @kstatefootball @HuskerFBNation @OU_Football @UKFootball @AuburnFootball @GeorgiaFootball @UMichFootball pic.twitter.com/7Q8T70Kn5p

— Tobechi Okoli (@OkoliTobechi) May 16, 2020

What’s Next?

Obviously after a weekend like this the first thought many fans have is who will commit next, so here’s a quick rundown of Auburn targets who are likely to make a decision by the end of June. This is recruiting so everything can change at any moment but these are the names to keep an eye in the coming weeks.

5* CB Ga’Quincy McKinstry - Auburn’s top cornerback target dropped a top 5 Sunday evening that featured Auburn, Alabama, Clemson, Georgia and LSU. Truthfully, the man that goes by “Kool-Aid” is likely down to the trio of Auburn, Alabama and LSU all who like where they sit right now. Of those three, Auburn appears to be selling the two sport angle more than any other program. McKinstry is also an outstanding basketball player and would like to play at the next level if possible. He’s gotten the green light from Malzahn and Bruce Pearl that he will get that opportunity if he were to sign with Auburn. He hasn’t set a date for a commitment yet but there’s buzz he could be close to ending his recruitment in the not too distant future.

ᒪᗴTᔕ ᗪO IT !!! ( ) :@Hayesfawcett3 pic.twitter.com/CDBUiYg8sQ

— GaQuincy “Koolaid Glizxzy” McKinstry (@GaQMcK1) May 17, 2020

5* LB Smael Mondon - Mondon sent out a cryptic tweet last week hinting that a commitment could be coming in the month of June. For many months now, the nation’s #2 ranked OLB has appeared to be a lock to the instate Dawgs. But that could be changing. Mondon has repeatedly stated that of all the coaches recruiting him, he’s closest to Auburn’s linebacker coach Travis Williams. The buzz around this recruitment feels eerily similar to Owen Pappoe’s recruitment. UGA is unquestionably the team to beat but this is race that is still very winnable for the Tigers.

Sooner than later.. pic.twitter.com/i6k4WdhOg1

— Smael Mondon Jr (@SmaelJr) May 5, 2020

4* LB Barrett Carter - A race that does not appear winnable is Carter’s recruitment. This was at one point believed to be an Auburn-Georgia battle but the Clemson Tigers have surged ahead and it would be a shock at this point if he did not pick Dabo’s squad later today.

4* Buck Jeremiah Williams - Aubun’s Buck recruiting suffered a major setback when 5* Dylan Brooks committed to Tennessee. While I don’t think that recruitment is over, Auburn has turned the heat up in a big way on their other top Buck target, Jeremiah Williams. The state’s 5th ranked player has been a frequent visitor to the Plains in recent seasons and the Tigers reportedly feel good about where they sit right now. But they face some stiff competition. Alabama LOVES Williams as well and out of state programs Oklahoma and Florida are pursuing Williams heavily too. He hasn’t set a commit date either but there seems to be some belief that an announcement could come sooner, rather than later.

4* LB Ian Jackson - The state’s top ranked linebacker is reportedly closing in on a decision thought that’s likely bad news for the Tigers. Alabama has made the Prattville standout a top priority in recent weeks and that effort could soon pay off. I should note that while the Tigers like Jackson, spots are few in this class for that position and the Tigers have made Mondon the priority. We will see if that gamble pays off.

3* WR Latrell Neville (Virginia Tech) - This is an interesting recruitment to track in the coming days. Neville is very close with recent Auburn commit and former VT pledge Dematrius Davis. Since Auburn’s pursuit of Davis picked up so did their recruitment of Neville. Could AU steal another stud from Justin Fuente’s class?

3* TE Lake McRee - Auburn all of a sudden REALLY wants tight ends these days. After signing two talented ones in the 2020 class, Auburn has offered 17 this class. One to keep an eye on is former Longhorn commit Lake McRee. The Lake Travis standout missed his junior season due to a torn ACL but Auburn is reportedly high on his potential. He’s also good friends with Davis. He told AuburnUndercover that a decision could come soon.

War Eagle!

from College and Magnolia - All Posts https://www.collegeandmagnolia.com/2020/5/19/21262221/2021-auburn-football-recruiting-big-weekend-on-the-plains-dematrius-davis-caleb-johnson

[deepseaastronomer]

I’ll Be Fine

Open letter to everyone who feels like giving up on life, especially 18 and under.

Whether you are suicidal, just plain apathetic, or anywhere outside or in between, this is for you.

Life sucks for pretty much of the time. I can’t say “it gets better” because for so many people it only gets worse, but I can say without a doubt that it is worth living. I won’t pretend I’ve experienced the hardships that so many people deal with on a daily basis but I have seen adversity. I do t have any diseases or disabilities. I have never been physically or verbally abused by a parent or family member. I have never had a drug addiction or tried to help someone close to me with a drug addiction. I have yet to lose a child or close family member to disease, a drunk driver, a stray bullet, a dirty needle, or a hate crime. I’ve never been homeless. In my 22 years of being black in America, I have not yet been called a nigger to my face. I have never been in a legitimate fight. I have never killed anyone that you can prove in a court of law. There is still a lot about this world that I don’t know about and a lot of feelings I have never felt. But here is what I have been through and what I know.

I got my first car from my brother, which my mother mostly paid for and I never did anything to maintain it (because I didn’t know how or what to do) so a lot more money went into the car to repeatedly fix it than what it was worth. Most of that money was hers and it could have been put to better use if I was smarter.

I quit my second job to go to college and got kicked out the first day that classes started. I spent a long time stressing out trying to get back in before I realized they made it so I couldn’t come back. I moved to Alaska to live with my brother after my car finally died and I chose to go to a different college (the minimum wage is higher than PA plus I wanted to see what AK was like). I convinced myself I didn’t need to make friends because I was leaving and I’d never see them again so I was bored and lonely for most of my time their. I also spent the nearly $10k I made at work in those 7 months when I could have saved it to get a car or pay back student loans.

I went to school and had a pretty good time overall but I got lazy and fat. I skipped classes to sleep and I gained about 30lbs because most of my meals were burgers and Taco Bell. Also I didn’t have a job so guess who was paying for Taco Bell and for me to do my laundry. Mom was.

I decided I didn’t want to be a teacher so I dropped out like a month before the second semester (1st year) was over. I had another car at this point which I bought I moved back home and planned on losing weight to join the military. I had to get a job to pay for a gym membership so I got a job but barely went to the gym.

Since I wasn’t in school anymore, my brother invited me to live with him in California. I used a credit card to get my car ready for the three day cross country trip. I left my job a few days earlier than I told them I was going to do I could get there on my niece’s birthday. Being alone on the road for that long messed with my head more than I thought it would but I won’t get into that. We were living in the desert and I abandoned what was probably the only job I could get on base so once again I was unemployed. I couldn’t afford to pay for insurance and I didn’t want to just let my car sit in the desert sun for an indeterminate amount of time. So I sold it for what I felt was way less than what it was worth and I’ve regretted it every day since. And I spent all that money way too fast. Living conditions got kind of awkward so I left and I’ve regretted it every day since.

I moved back to Pittsburgh and lived with mom once again. At this point I had no car, no job, and about 3-4 credit cards maxed out and 1 of 3 student loans that I didn’t know I had to start paying 2 months prior. After I lost 70-80lbs, my Navy recruiters started stressing me out about being 1-2 inches too big so I quit my job and focused on exercising just to enlist and find out that the whole time I was already well within standards.

I left early for boot camp, got halfway through training, got separated and sat in separations for the other half and, without discussing the United States Navy Recruit Training Command’s methods, THOSE WERE THE WORST EIGHT WEEKS OF MY LIFE so far.

All this and so much more has happened just since 2014. I’ve felt like a burden, a failure, and a disappointment. I’ve been angry, lost, broken, and at one point on the verge of taking my own life.

Hopefully if you made it his far, you aren’t super depressed. I’ve done more, seen more, and learned about more than most people my age in the place where I’m from and for that I’m forever grateful.every day you wake up is a new opportunity to make connections, learn something new, or find something new that you never knew you loved. But you’d can’t do any of that without putting forward some real effort. I’m not gonna argue that anything we do on this earth matters because I don’t even really believe it does but when things are going well, you don’t think about that at all and that’s what we as human beings live for, the moments where we don’t have to think about our existence. No matter how dark your life is right now, no matter how much everything seems pointless, just tell yourself that something is worth doing. Tell yourself enough times until you believe it and then do it. Make a new friend, anybody. Visit a new place, anywhere (a little further down the street than you usually go or across the world). Read a fucking book. Go out in fucking nature. Learn a fucking trade. Do some shit that will fill up so much space in your mind that you forget how to feel down and out. Get up and stay up.

Sincerely yours,

Jayson M. Harris

[spiritgriffon]

Rachael’s favorite Pokemon + Pokemon related things!

In preparation for Ultra Sun/Ultra Moon, I figured I’d post a list of my favorite Pokemon, games & characters!

Blue or Red versions: Blue, Silver, Sapphire, Leaf Green, Diamond, Soul Silver, Black, Black 2, X, Alpha Sapphire, and Moon. I didn’t realize how consistent I was until just a couple or years ago lol

Favorite Main Game: Part of me is tempted to say Silver or Soul Silver, since it was not just my first Pokemon game, but my first game period (Mom bought me Silver & a GBA for Christmas and took me out to eat at Wendys. I can still pick out the booth we were sitting in. I got stuck in the bedroom bc we both thought the stairs were a bookshelf lol). It still holds a very special place in my heart but Black is the BEST. Pokemon has yet to outdo itself.

Favorite Side Game: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon- Explorers of Sky! (SERIOUSLY GUYS THIS IS MY FAVORITE POKEMON GAME OUT OF ALL OF THEM EVERYONE SHOULD PLAY IT AAAAAAAAAA)

Favorite Generation: GEN 5 GUYS. GEN 5. Sinnoh is another one that means a lot to me bc Diamond was the first Pokemon game I ever beat (Way back in 2007!) but I LOVE GEN 5 SO MUCH.

Favorite song: Temporal Tower, Temporal Spire & the final boss theme for PMD:EoS! Though if I had to pick a top 5 from the main series, I guess;

1- Red/Lance

2- Zinnia

3- N’s Castle

4- Ghetsis (Black/White version)

5- Team Galactic Grunt (The Smash version especially)

Favorite Villainous Team: PLAZMAAAAAA!!!!! (tho. Galactic has a way better battle theme. The Brawl remix is still my jam all these years later- and part of the reason I love Lucario so much! Oh man, that intro in Subspace Emissary!)

Favorite Character: I bow before my Lord and Savior, N. I mean there’s a BUNCH I like (Silver, Green/Blue/Gary, Steven, Looker, Cheren, Guzma, Lillie, Gladion, AND ZINNIA, ESPECIALLY ZINNIA, are all great too! I love them all!) But N is like, an all-time fave for me outside of the Pokemon series too.

Favorite Anime-Only Character: Sir Aaron form Lucario & the Mystery of Mew! (I love Lucario. I love the Lucario man.)

Favorite Player Character: Hilda from Black/White! Out of all the main series games, it feels like she has the most personality, and I like her design the best. Though if we’re including side games, the avatar from any of the PMD games is a better character... by virtue of having any character at all. (I like the female avatar in Conquest a lot as well! Not a lot of personality, but she’s really cute!)

Favorite Gen 1 Pokemon: Lapras

Favorite Gen 2 Pokemon: Lugia

Favorite Gen  3 Pokemon: Absol

Favorite Gen 4 Pokemon: Lucario

Favorite Gen 5 Pokemon: Zoroark (tho Hydreigon is such a close second.)

Favorite Gen 6 Pokemon : Xerneas

Favorite Gen 7 Pokemon: Silvally

Favorite Starter: Typhlosion (I didn't really love them until I played Pokemon Mystery Dungeon, but now they’re my go-to starter! Fun fact: I much prefer Quilava to either of it’s other evolutions. By like, a lot.)

And my favorite water & grass starters are Samurott and Decidueye~

Favorite Eeveelution: Umbreon! It’s a real shame it’s stats are so mediocre bc I love it lots

Favorite Legend: Lugia! (Tho Lunala and Dialga are really close. Dialga due to Diamond the Dialga being the first mascot legend I ever caught back in 2007 and Lunala bc Nebby is amazing and I love them.)

Favorite Mythical Pokemon: Jirachi (I remember watching Wish Maker back when it first came out and loving it except that Absol needed way more screen time. I never got quite as attached to Jirachi as I did Lugia from 2000 but they’re still my favorite mythical Pokemon by quite a bit)

Favorite Ultra Beast: Pheromosa (Why can’t I get one at a low enough level to use on my team during a playthrough rip)

Favorite Mega: MEGA ABSOL YO. (It made one of my old favorites actually viable to play AND IT’S SO GORGEOUS OH MY ARCEUS)

Favorite form variation: Alolan Ninetails/Vulpix!!! (I’ve loved Ninetails since Gen 1 but it just isn’t that useful of a Pokemon in game play normally. It’s still not the best BUT IT HAS THE BEST DESIGN SO I BRED ONE AND USED IT ON MY TEAM IN MOON FIGHT ME AND MY PRETTY FOX)

Favorite Pokemon Overall: Lucario!!!!! Ok, story time:

(under a cut bc it got a bit long)

It was 2010. I was a lonely, home schooled 13 year old, an only child with only one parent, and said parent owned and was the head chef in a struggling restaurant. I had exactly one friend- my best friend had moved away a short while ago and my home school group, including the teacher, absolutely hated me because I didn’t go to their church. Said singular friend is special needs and hadn’t been allowed to spend the day at a friend’s house without her parents ever.

Oh, and we had dial-up internet. The restaurant’s back room was close enough to someone with wifi down the block that I could watch Youtube during business hours, but none of my game systems could pick it up.

Life kinda sucked hard. But that’s not my point. BUT IT DID IT SUCKED SO BAD

Mom had helped me dig out my old Nintendo 64, so I had that, my Gamecube, Youtube, and my DS to entertain me for about 5 years. One day I’d decided to look up Smash videos- and there was a sequel! It had Princess Zelda from my favorite game, Ocarina of Time in it! So I bought Melee, and then I bought Twilight Princess when I found out that was a thing, and then my mom’s childhood friend took pity on me & bought me a Wii (I’m p sure I cried trying to thank him) and then I got Brawl!

So it’s 2010, and I go into brawl completely blind- the only characters I know are the Zelda ones, Pokemon Trainer/Pikachu, & the Mario characters from Mario 64. I start playing Subspace Emissary and even though I don’t know most of the characters it is awesome. So I get to the Ice type level- I know the Ice Climbers from Melee & Meta Knight from the old Kirby anime, and this awesome jackal ninja character shows up and oh my god it’s so cool!!!

And then the Pokemon music starts playing.

I think I screamed. I hadn’t evolved my Riolu that Riley gave me in Diamond, and it had been long enough since I’d beaten Cynthia that I’d forgotten Lucario existed. There has never been another Pokemon that I’ve seen in my entire life that made me go “WOW!!!” half as much as Lucario.

And that’s how Lucario got to be my favorite Pokemon~

[existench-blog]

UNDER THE CUT IS THE ENTIRE STORY BEHIND WINI AND THE CHARACTERS IN THIS STORY.    it contains many triggers, so it’s not necessary to read everything. however, it is very important. i am also going to change this later when i develop the story and characters more. this is what i have for the time being.

                 THE  IS  THE  STORY  OF  HOW  I  DIED  :

this part  ---  the very beginning of her ‘ first life ’ ---  is very hard for me to explain. there was once a ‘ species ’ i call THE UNKNOWN. i describe THE UNKNOWN. as the embodiment of all things unknown, not only to humanity but i mean everything. it could be as general as a conspiracy theory or as little as a strange creak in your house that you don’t know what it is. anything unexplainable. not only that, they did not have emotion. they did not have the ability to think and they did not have any of the 5 senses. they did not have comprehensible forms. they are everything that humans are not. they are not your stereotypical alien----  they are entirely not human.

now to put it into a humanly comprehensible term, wini was basically the overall leader  ----  her and one other being ( which i will talk about in another section ). wini was the most powerful out of everyone. she was their leader, their ruler, their king and their queen.

with that being said, here is how wini died the first time ( in the best way i can explain being that everything in that reality is/was something i wouldn’t be able to describe ). suddenly, completely out of the blue it does her world crumble. everything is dying. wini is gradually growing human senses and is able to witness everything she’s worked for get utterly destroyed. there’s nothing she’s able to do about it; she’s floating away into the dark abyss of nothing. THE UNKNOWN. was taken from her in just a snap. she doesn’t know how this happened-------- at least not yet.

so there she is: seemingly being pulled away and all she knows is that her entire ‘ life’s ’ work has been destroyed, and that all these ‘ lives ’ were lost because of her inability to rescue them. wini wasn’t able to think or feel before, but get this. she’s in the process of being ‘ reincarnated ’ as a human. all of a sudden she’s hit with such intense emotions like guilt, hurt, regret, despair, grief. . she’s hit with not only this, but slowly does she feel her human senses just transpire yet all at once. can you imagine how painful that’d be -- not only physically, but mentally as well ?

                WHAT A CONCEPT IT IS TO BE ALIVE AT ALL.

have you ever slept somewhere unfamiliar and you wake up without opening your eyes ----- thinking that you were sleeping some other place ? this is what happens with wini: popping up at some old, abandoned building in san francisco. kinda like a newborn baby except not a baby. a mature child. before she sets out on a journey for who knows what, she hears someone else’s voice inside her head  ----  “ you can save them. ” it’s a familiar voice, but it isn’t hers ( a voice i will explain in a later section ).

she has not made a name for herself, but multiple. you could assume she’s in her early 20′s. for the first year of her actual human life, wini spends it learning about the world around her. she has no money, no friends, no family----  nothing at all, and that’s what she assumes life is normally like for that first year. it’s a year for self-discovery, but she doesn’t completely find herself which is apparently usual for someone her age.

wini visits many places to learn the different environments and cultures, although only with the money she’s able to earn through her own way. in this time of her life, she’s not very aggressive. she’s but a sponge for learning and people have been pretty neutral towards her. she catches on to a few different languages, social cues, trivia facts, not things you’d usually learn in school. her taste in fashion hasn’t quite surfaced as of yet, but during this year is when she begins to have episodes of DDD ( depersonalization-derealization disorder ) and the reason as to why she has it is possibly because she’s not entirely human but also THE UNKNOWN.. being 2 different ‘ species ’ often causes her DDD to act up, but also BECAUSE of the other inhuman species she is. remember how i said THE UNKNOWN. was basically everything inhuman ? that’s also a reason for her disorder. ( i have the information about this disorder written down on the about page ! ) she also shows signs of PTSD such as having flashbacks and nightmares about the death of her previous reality, having an intense feeling of guilt / grief, and having some physical pains. wini has also taken an interest in alcohol but i wouldn’t necessarily say it’s concerning as she doesn’t use it as a way to cope.

THE MAN WHO TOOK MY FAITH AND ATE IT  --  THE FAITH-MUNCHER.

here is the first side character of the story, although not the main villain: casey moschella arbore. you could say he was a normal guy, slightly more attractive than the ordinary, pretty smart, not much of a flirt. he was a jack of all trades--- he was good at many things. he comes from an averagely wealthy family, an only child with a mom and dad. i say he’s ordinary, but there’s something odd about him. ever since he was a small boy, he was always interested in outer space and aliens. his room was covered in those glow-in-the-dark stars, shelves filled with astronomy books and alien theories. and as he grew older, his interest gradually turned into an obsession.

after college, casey had somehow gotten a job at one of those secret ‘ area 51 ’ type of places and worked there for a good few years doing research on aliens. his main goal in life was to discover humanity’s first ever alien.

there’s a twist, or at least he thinks there is. casey has been waiting his entire life to get a job like this, he’s done as much research as one lone person can do in his entire life. do you think by 2015 people have found legitimate evidence of real aliens ? nope. as much as i, myself, want aliens to be real, there’s not actual proof. why 2015 ?

that’s around when casey’s obsession gets entirely too out of hand ( in wini’s timeline at least ). he has been caught experimenting on humans for at least the last year, practically tormenting innocent people. you may ask why ? if he’s so fascinated with aliens, why test on humans ? the answer: if they are not in space, then they must be one of us ( humans ). he tests on them to gauge their reactions, to see if anything’s off---- to see if perhaps he crossed a line that something indescribable would happen.

casey obviously gets fired, but he also gets his scientific degrees revoked for his incredibly unsettling actions. his name is no longer casey moschella; he changes his name, runs away, and hides for a few more years. he’s constantly being hired and getting fired from small jobs. one thing’s for sure, though, and that’s his passion for alien-hunting. even if he has a new name, he’s the same man he’s always been. he is now casey arbore.

one day he spots something---- he has to take a second look, a closer look at what it is. the thing he’s so intently studying is a woman with such opaque shades that you almost wonder how she sees through them. that woman is none other than wini, working at a random convenience store. he has this feeling about her, that she could be what he’s been waiting for his entire life. his motivation for hunting sparks at that moment and his obsession is once again ablaze.

ever since that fated day, he’s been keeping a very close eye on her --- you could say he’s practically stalking her at this point. casey takes notes about her, what she wears, her habits, where she walks, how she talks------  it’s as if he’s never seen something like her before, even though she appears human. and he does this for a good couple months until he feels he knows every single thing about her ( which is entirely not the case ). he devises a plan to essentially kidnap her so he can run tests on her; the true test, as he’d say.

it’s a normal day for wini. every few days of a normal week she’ll take a trip to her local bar to have a drink. for the past few weeks she’s noticed a man nearby, a man she’s even talked to a few times -- although very short and casual. but it’s on this day that something is different. she goes to the bar and sees that same man behind the counter. he makes a few small comments like ‘ this is my first day, ’ and ‘ i’ve never been a bartender before ’ as if they’re buds and she is kind enough at the time to fake-chuckle and move on. after she’s had a couple glasses, wini strolls to use the restroom and casey takes this chance to spike her drink ( of course it’s on the house--- quite suspicious as that sounds ). she comes back, accepts his offer, and finally takes a shot.

wini wakes up in a place she’s never been. she’s strapped to a chair, not able to move any part of her body ( both from being tied up and the drug ). her shades are still on, since casey noticed that she’s always covering her eyes; he knows there’s something about them and he wants it to be a surprise ( if you don’t know about why she covers her eyes, please look at the noticeable features on the about page ). he does, however, begin the ‘ tests ’ when she wakes up. there are cuts, bruises, some blood. they talk back and forth, spitting curses and threats at each other.

but then he takes off her shades and stares into her eyes. he starts to get ‘ transported ’ which means this is wini’s chance to kill him. there’s a problem though, and it’s that the drug hasn’t worn off quite yet. she also had no idea of her powers until this very moment. in attempt to kill him, her wrath is taken out on the straps binding her and soon on him. and soon on the whole building. originally the power of light generation, the drug had caused her to set everything aflame ( and the flames were incredibly pretty might i add ).

finally, she manages to escape alive, bearing some scars and burns. casey arbore had taken the little bit of trust wini had in this world, so she took his life. people believe it’s unknown how the fire started and who’s behind it. wini continues her life knowing that the man who would’ve seen her past and exploited her secret is dead. this event still haunts her, causing her to become extremely cautious and violent. by now, her PTSD is more evident in that she’s constantly suspicious, has immense trouble sleeping, very irritable, has trust issues, and seems to react physically ( although not very obvious ) when reminded of this trauma. her DDD seems to act up a lot more as well because of the fact that she is part human, but she also isn’t. she feels she shouldn’t be reacting in such a way for something not entirely human, but also thinks that this could’ve been avoided and gets reminded of it once again. you could say it’s a cycle.

              GOD IS NOT A GOD, BUT A PAPER / PLASTIC DOLL.

now enters the second character, the villain of the story. this is also where i explain the other ‘ leader ’ of THE UNKNOWN. and the voice wini hears when she is ‘ born ’. the name i have given her is margherita bocelli. is this her true name ? no one knows but her. not even me. she is some kind of god. is she the only one ? i don’t know. is she truly a god ? i don’t know. no one knows but her. i’ll start this from the beginning.

like i mentioned before, margherita was one of the ‘ leaders ’ of THE UNKNOWN., but you could say it was a disguise of some sort----  she was possibly acting as a spy or doing some secret mission, i have no clue. i say this because THE UNKNOWN. are supposed to be everything unknown to anything, so margherita somehow disguising as one of them. . she must be something very powerful. she was also the one to destroy wini’s species. marge acted undercover as what i can only describe as wini’s ‘ lover ’ when they were part of THE UNKNOWN. as a way to demolish everything there. why did she do this ? what was her reasoning ? no one knows but her. she may have done this for power, maybe because of boredom, or maybe for no damn reason at all ( which seems to be the answer ).

just like the instance with casey, it appears to be an average day for wini. she’s taking a walk within a bustling crowd of people, minding her own business. but then she sees someone and has this strange feeling  -----  everything seems to be slowing down and speeding up at the same time. wini’s not doing this herself, but the only person moving at normal speed is that person she sees. that person is margherita.

wini pulls her to the side, somewhere where they can talk like an empty alleyway. their conversation begins with wini asking about what’s happening and what the hell she’s doing. the topic doesn’t last long though, for margherita suddenly brings up the fact that wini had another ‘ life ’. for some reason, margherita talks about everything she did ( killing her species, tricking her, etc. ) all with an empty look on her face. that’s the thing with margherita, she always seems so apathetic to everything. sleep-deprived. ghostly. bored. truly and utterly empty  ----  something that’s trademarked by wini. you don’t know whether it’s an attitude stolen from when she was part of THE UNKNOWN. or not. all wini knows is that marge is, what she assumes is, god. the one and only, the person she hears people praising all the time. ( the person she hears people talking about is jesus christ, although i do not personally agree with her thoughts and beliefs whatsoever. )

so margherita tells wini everything, that she’s the one behind everything  ---  that marge did all those things, and possibly created a man who nearly killed her ( casey arbore ). what do you think wini’s going to do in that moment ? she’s going to kill her, of course. how do you kill god ? she does it with her intense rage. this is when she also discovers her power of color manipulation -- which is probably the ability she uses the most. oh so swiftly does she imagine a gun in her hand, beautiful and shining with glory. she quickly, somewhat unfocused, aims it at margherita. however, wini doesn’t shoot just any normal bullets  ----  she discovers her color manipulation when she sees these colorful bullets. they appear like jelly when shot, but once they enter her victim, the bullets are harder than normal metal. wini then walks away out of fury, her heels click-clacking in harmony with the beating of her faux human heart. somewhat later, maybe a few hours, weeks, months of marge’s body laying in that alleyway, a rainbow seems to trail out of her wounds from the bullets in her corpse.

let me ask you [ the reader ] this though: would ( a ) god really let itself die without putting up a fight ? did margherita plan her death ? is margherita really dead ?

after this recent event, wini seems to be coping a bit better than the trauma with casey, although obviously not a whole lot. both her PTSD and DDD act up in that: she’s still very aggressive, very cautious, very mistrustful, still has trouble sleeping, feels as though she’s not controlling her body ( somewhat like an out-of-body experience ), emotionally exhausted and distanced from others, her surroundings feeling artificial / distorted ( things may seem two-dimensional, distance and size of objects may appear altered than what they actually are ), and having an altered perception of time. some of these symptoms don’t occur as often as others like the out-of-body experience and her vision being altered. they do happen, but she’s managed to stay strong despite these personal obstacles.

NOW ! i write wini after these events, although i am still constantly writing and updating this story. there is also another character i’ve created but i write before this event due to the lack of a conclusion for the character’s story and also because i’m creating more characters as well. she also doesn’t have much to do with wini at this point in her life, or more so i don’t have much information to write about their relationship, how they met, etc., besides that they later on end up dating each other.

I CANNOT DESCRIBE THIS FEELING / THIS FEELING CALLED LOVE.

here enters the light at the end of the tunnel, the person who has shown wini what it’s like to be cared and loved -- genuinely. the name of this person is coralie webb, and this is her story.

she begins her life as an adopted child, found outside in the pouring rain. coralie’s taken into a kind family of 4: mother, father, big brother, and little sister. coralie is welcomed as the middle child, filled with love and kindness. she lives a relatively normal life with her family until she’s around age 15. that is when coralie is forced to mature mentally.

her parents die, their cause of death unknown. her older brother is now the head of the household until coralie turns 17 and is finally able to move on her own. she goes to college for about a year before dropping out in order to ‘ discover herself ’ and to do what she loves. coralie changes her alias to a couple different ones and begins working as a singer at a hole-in-the-wall restaurant  ---  which is where she discovers her power.

as soon as she started singing, coralie realized that her voice was like no other person’s and that people reacted certain ways depending how she sung. although she hasn’t fully discovered what it is she can use this ability for, she continues to entertain at the same place. however, she changes her alias to a couple different new ones: shea and stevie, and is a regular entertainer at that place. people love her there and she loves the people. stevie is incredibly kind and thoughtful due to how she was brought up, although she won’t hesitate to confront you when it’s needed.

why does stevie have powers ? it is because she used to also be a part of THE UNKNOWN., though she wasn’t a leader.. stevie was ‘ reincarnated ’ along with wini ( possibly more people as well ), which is how she got her power/s. she doesn’t necessarily know how to use it, or what it actually does----  all she knows is that it has to do with her voice. shea doesn’t even know that her power came from THE UNKNOWN., or that she was even a part of THE UNKNOWN. at all. all i can explain is that her voice is like nothing you’ve ever heard before. it’s like nothing that can be explained -- it’s so beautiful and entrancing. it’s like flowers blooming in the spring, snowflakes falling in the winter, and leaves cracking in autumn. it’s like the quiet sound of a forest, suburban city noises, or sweet silence after an angry storm. when shea sings, it can bring happiness, sorrow, frustration, confusion---  a rainbow of feelings all at once.

wini and shea meet at the restaurant shea works at, shea as the usual entertainer and wini as the customer. wini sits down, drinks her wine, begins to eat her meal -- when all of a sudden she hears something so. . astoundingly beautiful. no words could describe what she had heard, but all she knew is that it was coming from whoever was singing on that stage. that is the day they meet.

their relationship transforms from acquaintances to friends, and from friends to best friends, best friends to lovers. over time ( after the period of time in which i write wini ), stevie acts as wini’s teacher who shows wini the beauties of living -- especially as a human being. even though there are plenty of evil in the world, stevie manages to gradually teach wini that life is more than just its tragedies. she teaches her that it’s okay for the world’s misfortunes to coincide with life’s wonderful treasures. because shea doesn’t know about THE UNKNOWN., she doesn’t think the same as wini. wini tends to point out the negatives in things because she knows everything out there, whereas in this case -- ignorance is bliss, hence why shea has such a positive attitude.

if you happen to have any questions or if you feel i need to change something due to it being incorrect, please let me know ! i would be more than happy to fix something here. otherwise, thank you for reading ! i may update this later due to story updates, character updates, etc.

[condensed-theorem-shop]

Here, let me take a break from ranting about cults to talk about something nice and uncontroversial (ha): homeschooling.

And by “talk about homeschooling,” I mean “copy/paste a comment from Ozy’s blog, because it got sufficiently long to be maybe worth sharing on my own.”

I was homeschooled much like this! And so have Many Thoughts. Apologies for the absurdly long comment.

(Well, my parents would never describe themselves as “unschoolers” in a million years — they’d say “classical/eclectic” if asked — but “classic homeschoolers who pay serious attention to the child’s interests” and “unschoolers who pay serious attention to the three R’s” probably converge at some point.)

I had a very very positive experience with homeschooling overall (and am happy to expound on it at length; my parents are very Into educational theory, and included me in the discussions as I got older).

(Braggy data on success thereof, which I blush to include, but: I ended up graduating at 16, attending a college in the top 20 in my field, and recently getting accepted to a good grad school with tuition waiver, TA position, and fellowship. On the non-math side, I double-majored in honors liberal arts, and was nationally competitive in fencing in high school. My 13-year-old sister is auditing her first college class (discrete math), regularly runs local 5- and 10Ks and places top in her age group, and wants to be a surgeon. The 10-year-old is on Suzuki book 3 for cello, and one of the top students in the local string project. All of us were reading at two, reading chapter books at three, and won various impressive things in lots of math competitions as well as the private-school-equivalent-of-UIL.)

So from that experience, some thoughts:

(1) The sleep thing is so so so true. Easily the #1 thing my non-homeschooled friends were jealous of. (#2 was not having to take the state’s standardized tests.) Possibly this is outdated science, but my understanding is that teenagers are actually just biologically wired to go to bed later and sleep in later than adults.

(2) Exercise, yes! Homeschooling and exercise and free-range kids all fit very nicely together. I did lots of biking and swimming and hiking and roller-blading and just running about wildly; it definitely contributed that by the time I was in double digits I was allowed to ride my bike anywhere within about a ten-block radius (the boundaries were defined by the nearest streets busy enough to be dangerous), so I got lots of exercise just getting around.

(3) Something of a follow-up on that last: if your kids are going to be running around unsupervised outdoors during school hours, you should probably make sure you’re clear on the local homeschooling laws, and then coach them on how to talk to a policeman. My parents did that for me, which was good, because it did in fact happen a few times that a policeman stopped me and asked some very pointed questions about whether I was playing hooky.

My instructions were: be polite; say “yes, officer, no, officer”; explain that I was homeschooled, and it was my recess [we didn’t have anything that formal, but easier to say that than explain your entire homeschooling philosophy]; if they insisted on taking me to the station, comply and then ask for my parents until they were provided.

The last stage of that never in fact came into play; the policemen always went “oh, okay. My sister homeschools! Do you like it?” and let me go (once with instructions to go get a better lock for my bike).

(4) I absolutely approve of homeschooling as “hey, let’s test out our kooky educational theories!” That’s exactly what my parents did. (My dad’s pet theory is that algebra should be introduced alongside arithmetic, and slopes alongside fractions. All three of us turned out super-math-y. Just saying…)

(5) One of the best things about homeschooling is a 1:1 (or close to it, if you have multiple kids) student:teacher ratio. Take full advantage of this.

(6) Yes, the math thing! A depressing number of homeschooled kids end up with poor math skills. It doesn’t help that it’s usually the mom homeschooling, and women seem to have even more of a tendency to go “oh, I can’t do math, it’s scary” than men. (Not claiming that women are inherently worse at math or anything; this seems to be pretty clearly a response to cultural pressure.)

Hiring grad students is a good idea; they’re interested in the subject, have some teaching experience, are usually lonely for their own families/younger siblings, and will work for dirt cheap. My family did a lot of that for me.

Beware of Khan Academy and various other “teach your kid math for you” services; these tend to prey on this phenomenon. Parents will pay ridiculous amounts of money for canned math curricula, because they’re so nervous about their own abilities; and while I know a lot of public-schooled people who used Khan Academy on their own after school and liked it, it really doesn’t substitute for an actual math teacher, especially for kids who aren’t inherently super-math-gifted. If you want a math curriculum, consider looking into Art of Problem Solving.

(7) A common unschooling failure method is: the kid spends twelve hours a day playing minecraft, the parent decides this is Probably Educational He’s Learning About Architecture Or Something, at eighteen he still can’t read or multiply. (My parents tend to refer to this as “nonschooling.”)

Making the three R’s less optional will probably help with that. Also, it seems like there’s something to be said for helping kids do things that they first-level don’t want to do but second-level do want to do. Plenty of adults use things like leechblock, or accountability to a friend, to serve the same function; a kid can’t reasonably be expected to have mastered using those tools, so a parent reminding them to turn off the computer and go work on their exhaustively detailed pyramid replica they love seems like a good thing.

C. S. Lewis actually brings something like this up in the Screwtape Letters (as part of an analogy for spiritual growth, but whatever). He points out that reading children’s versions of Greek myths is fun, and learning the first handful of Greek words is fun; and that being able to read Hesiod in the original is also fun; but in between, there’s a lot of drudgery with memorizing paradigms and struggling through translations. Even a kid who’s really passionate about Greek may need to be nagged a bit on a day-to-day basis to go review their verb tenses; it seems hard on a twelve-year-old to require them to have the intrinsic motivation to do that without any authority figure nudging them.

In my family, what this looked like on the day-to-day level was: my parents would tell me things like “no, go do your translations before you play” or “don’t forget you need to spend 30 minutes working on chemistry at some point this evening.” (Not very unschool-y, I admit.) But they’d be flexible about it, if I’d gotten really into researching the mathematics of swarming behavior or something.

And if some subject was consistently a cause of misery for me — not just “ugh, organic compounds, whyyy” but genuine “I hate this, it’s boring, I don’t want to do it,” every time over a period of days or weeks — they’d discuss with me whether I genuinely wanted to quit the subject. (It was really really clear that this was actually an option, and I wouldn’t be in trouble for choosing it or anything, which was crucial.)

I nearly always, given some space to think about it, decided that I wanted to keep working on the subject. Sometimes we’d decide to put it on the back burner for a while and come back to it next semester, or to skip to a different part of the subject and come back to that one another time, or try a different textbook, or find a tutor. Occasionally I did decide I was done with the subject, and they respected that.

I think this worked out really well. The only two subjects I can think of that I decided to totally quit were piano and Latin, and in retrospect both were absolutely the right call. Piano I quit after a year, and I recall absolutely none of it; I’m profoundly unmusical and was a disaster at it and hated it, and don’t wish in the least that I’d kept trying. Latin I quit after eight years and an audited university class; my parents and I had a serious discussion, and agreed that while I was glad to have studied Latin I wasn’t interested in pursuing it at a higher level, and that “took a class on the Aeneid in Latin” would be a good milestone for having mastered it to a casual-reading-of-Latin-texts level, and so I did that and then quit. I’m a little rusty, now, but given a dictionary and grammar can still read Latin texts fairly comfortably.

(8) I think you’re overestimating the difficulty of learning a foreign language. I had a friend growing up who was German/English bilingual, as was his mother; my mom tutored him in literature in exchange for his mother spending an hour or so a week talking with me in German. Afterwards my friend and I would hang out, and were encouraged to talk in German.

In addition, I did Rosetta Stone (pricey but effective, immersion-based) and later the Foreign Service Insitute’s course (free online if you can find it, or cheap to buy; immersion-based; meant for diplomats who are told ‘okay, you’re going to Germany in a month, be ready.’) (I also did another online course at one point, but it wasn’t very good.)

By the time I graduated high school, I was able to (with reference to a dictionary) read genuine literature in German; Goethe and Rilke were my favorites. My accent was apparently very good; I was asked more than once if my parents were native speakers (e.g. by the instructor in the not-so-good online course). I got a 4 on the German language AP test, which exempted me from all foreign language requirements in college (which I’m very grateful for; college language classes are super-intensive).

And — in some sense, the most important — when I spent a semester abroad, I was comfortably able to get around Vienna for a week or so speaking to people in German. (It helped in Hungary, too; Hungarian is hard and I learned very little, but nearly everyone spoke either English or German.)

I think key elements in that were: I started early (I was seven when I met my friend); I spent a good amount of time with a native speaker; and everything I did was immersion-based. The not-so-good course I took wasn’t mostly immersion-based, and I actually found that very frustrating, because I had to keep switching languages in my head; eventually I convinced the teacher to just talk to me in German all the time, which everyone else found very impressive but made it much easier for me.

(9) What you’ve said about the social issues all sounds right. I think the value of just escaping the social pressures of middle school isn’t to be underestimated; I know a surprising number of people whose parents homeschooled them /just for middle school/.

I got to spend my early teens dressing however I felt like (frequently ridiculously), wearing no makeup, hanging out with boys as friends, and not being at all self-conscious about any of it. My friends in public school were constantly worried about their appearance and their weight — and I don’t mean this as “I was a better person than them” or anything like that, I mean that other girls made nasty remarks to them constantly, and I escaped that. I’m very glad to see my sisters getting the same benefit.

(10) Also: bullying. Or, rather, not. The vast majority of my friends who were in public school were bullied, at least at some point; many of them still deal with ongoing trauma from that.

I encountered bullies — twice, total. The first time was in elementary school, in a homeschool group, and my mom promptly picked up on it and got the bully kicked out — she was able to both notice and do something about it, neither of which parents of kids in school can usually do. The second time was in middle school, in my fencing club; I took it to the instructor promptly, because I had spent my whole life with authority figures who listened to me and trusted me and acted productively on that. She had a very stern talk with the much older teenager in question, and he left me alone from then on.

Honestly, I’m pretty sure the bullying issue alone justifies homeschooling.

[mishamoonberry]

Senpai

POWER OF WORDS CH.3 - AO3 / FFN

Warning: there’s bullying here.

Timeline: first term of Second Year

She hears it first before she sees it.

One time, she passes by a group near the school gates, and almost recoils in surprise at how they seem to huddle near somebody, a girl, who looks to be very terrified. Her bag is being rummaged by the other girls, before one of them clicks her tongue and throws the bag down, books and pencil case scattering out from it.

“Geez, there’s nothing interesting in here!” One of the girls crow, “as expected of Class E, you’re very boring!”

“Aren’t you a bad student? At least carry a porn book or two!” The other girls laugh at this, before they very pointedly kick and step on the scattered books and walking away.

Shiori is floored.

This—This is no longer simple mocking, no longer mere playful jabs thrown at a failing student, no longer mere jokes made to motivate a student.

This is bullying.

(This is bullying, this is wrong, her mind tells her, and she holds back a flinch. Haven’t I known all this time that this is bullying?)

(Hasn’t she been keen in trying to ignore the hints of such acts within the school grounds?)

(Hasn’t she been trying to convince herself that the upperclassmen are capable of handling such things?)

(She has never seen something like this before).

(She’s capable of ignoring or withstanding the verbal jabs, the laughter. She’s capable of deluding herself that it’s just friendly mocking and that they should be alright, that they can handle this much).

(But it gets scary once she sees another part of it, doesn’t it?)

(When she sees the extent people can actually go to the people they deem as minority, as something below them).

She hears the laughter that slowly fades as the girls—bullies, they’re bullies—and perhaps it’s because of the realization seeping into her, the unsteady thump thump thump of her heart, or the adrenaline and panic that she moves, almost on autopilot, approaching the girl—the child, who is mentally younger than her despite being her upperclassman—who flinches at her.

What kind of senpai actually flinches when a kouhai approach them?

Shiori kneels in front of her crouched form, picking up her books and brushing off the dust that manages to get onto them. She neatly stacks them into a pile and puts them back to the bag, the senior silently watching her with confusion and shock palpable on her face.

“Senpai, are you okay?” She asks with a soft voice, brown eyes unwavering from the upperclassman’s hazel eyes. “They’re being unnecessarily mean, please don’t listen to them.”

The upperclassman—a girl with short light brown hair bordering on being a blonde, with wide hazel colored eyes and a petite body—blinks in bewilderment.

“You… Why?”

Shiori gives her a small, sad smile. “Because you’re my senpai.”

“That’s—I’m in 3-E, you know,” the girl says, as if that argument will somehow make Shiori run away.

“So?” She counters easily enough, “You’re a third year in Kunugigaoka, no matter what class you’re in.” She smiles at her, this time more genuine and sweet than before. “You’re still my senpai, 3-E or not.” The black haired teen offers her hand for the upperclassman to take, in order to help her get up.

The teen in front of her opens her mouth, before closing it and opening it again only to close it again, obviously at loss for words. In the end, she settles to simply taking Shiori’s hand and rises to her feet, still staring at her savior quizzically.

“Are you… a 1st year?” She asks uncertainly, brows furrowing when Shiori shakes her head.

“I’m in 2-A.”

“2-A?” She gasps, “but you’re, like—at the top—!”

“I… Yes?” Shiori rubs the back of her head, embarrassed and feeling particularly awkward, “it’s… yeah… I guess.”

“…And you still helped me?”

“I just did, didn’t I?”

“Oh,” the upperclassman breathes out, “yes, you did.”

The teen shuffles on her feet for a little bit, pointedly looking at her shoes and away from Shiori. Shiori herself wonders if she should leave, because it looks like the teen in front of her is not feeling particularly thrilled that she’s there. Just as she’s about to excuse herself, though, the teen speaks up.

“I… Thank you,” she whispers, “for helping me. My name, um, it’s Kyoko. In 3-E, though you know that already, haha,” she rubs the back of her head, laughing awkwardly. “So yeah, um, thank you.”

Shiori blinks, inwardly finding the girl to be a little bit adorable, before she smiles. “It’s nice to meet you, Kyoko-senpai. My name’s Kotonoha Shiori, I hope we can get along well.”

And that’s how she gains a 3-E student as her friend.

XXX

True to her words, Nakamura did get moved down a few classes. From her previous seat among the top ranks in 1-A, she now finds herself within class 2-C. Even Akabane Karma, who ranks at the top overall, gets moved to 2-B because of his behavior problems. Following in Akabane’s path, Nagisa also finds himself in class 2-B.

Her only friend that hangs out and talks with her on daily basis in class now is Asano. And it gets lonely, sometimes, because Asano is in Student Council right now, and is probably going to aim for President come next year, which means a lot of busy days coming for him. They do talk whenever they can, though, and there are also occasions when they simply chat though phone or just do a phone call. The topic varies, but they in the end stay within the same range—from school, clubs (she joined the modern dance extracurricular activities), politics, news, and many other stuffs they deem as interesting to talk about—and they’re mostly civilized, nice discussion with each other.

Still, hanging around with only a boy is bound to be pretty lonely, especially since Asano is a busy person. Luckily none of her previous friends don’t seem to mind hanging out with her once in awhile, especially Nakamura, who Shiori makes a point to scold whenever she looks like she’s slacking off. Nakamura shakes her off with a grin good enough, but there’s a lingering feeling in Shiori’s chest that warns her that Nakamura is somehow lying through her teeth when she says she’s doing okay with her studies.

With the addition of Kitagawa Kyoko, her days are filled up with more activities and close friends than before. Albeit hesitant at first, Kyoko quickly warms up to the idea of an underclassman willing to help her with her studies, and they even hang out quite a few times other than studying. While Shiori can’t help her much—especially not in math or science—her previous knowledge is enough for her to absorb the subjects more easily whenever she rereads them, and thus capable of at least helping Kyoko understand the lessons more easily.

So far, her outings with Kyoko never actually happens within school grounds, for the older teen is worried that her position in 3-E will damage Shiori’s reputation in class A, no matter how Shiori tries to reassure her that it doesn’t matter for her.

But of course, meet-ups and study times in cafes are bound to be noticed by someone sooner or later, and soon enough, rumors spread.

XXX

“I heard you’ve been hanging around someone from class E,” Asano says to her during a group project one day. As usual, Asano seems content on choosing her to be his partner whenever there’s a schoolwork that needs to be done in pairs. The subject at the moment is mathematics, and with the formulas and questions already causing her a headache, she’s not exactly keen in listening to his probable rant about the whole class E bullshit.

Because some of the “concerned” classmates have talked to her about it, mostly ranging from actually concerned over her grades to utter disdain toward hanging out with a lowlife such as a 3-E student, no matter if Kyoko is technically their upperclassman.

It is, in all honesty, very annoying.

Still, she’s not exactly looking for a fight with Asano, who in people’s eyes can be counted as her childhood friend—it helps that Asano seems to be fairly comfortable to be around her, what with his choosing her as his partner in projects, the phone calls, walking home together whenever they’re able to, the occasional trips to the café or restaurant to just talk—and whom she herself consider a good friend.

Therefore, she simply settles with a simple, “yep.”

It seems to have the opposite effect though, since Asano levels The Look at her, which makes her shrink back a little bit thanks to the heaviness of his gaze.

“It’s not as bad as what people say,” she tries to placate him, her eyes drifting back to the paper in front of her. Ugh, she hates math. “Kyoko-senpai is a good person and very fun to hang out with.”

“It’s the hanging out with that people are concerned about, Kotonoha,” Asano says, writing down his own answer quickly. Ugh, him and his mathematics ability.

“Hanging out with somebody doesn’t necessarily make me as bad as that person. She’s a human, not a virus,” Shiori mutters, exasperated, “and besides, Kyoko-senpai is a good person. The only thing she’s got lacking currently is her grades. Other times she’s very fun to talk to.”

Asano doesn’t seem to be satisfied with her answer, but in the end doesn’t push her much other than the borderline threatening words of: “As long as you stay here as my rival, then it doesn’t matter, I suppose.”

She can only chuckle at him, shaking her head. Even if he tries to cover it up, she knows him well enough to see he’s brooding, or perhaps covering up a scowl or a pout. After all, he’s just a thirteen year old boy. “Whatever you say, Asano-kun.”

And she does stay as his rival. While the overall score seems to always go to Asano nowadays, at the first semester’s mid-term, she manages to defeat him in some subjects. She keeps on constantly switching between second and third place with Akabane, however. Not that she cares, really, because for her not failing a class is good enough. The funny thing is Asano seems more pissed off about it more than she does (which is not at all) and she has to offer another group study together to placate him.

She keeps on meeting up with Nakamura for the sake of catching up and other girl stuffs, sometimes with Akabane for movies, other rare times with Nagisa tagging along. Other times, she’s with Kyoko, who has taken a shine in singing and hoping to enter a high school known for its amazing choir club, or with other friends who she’s not exactly close with but is able to tolerate.

It’s all going good for her, really, and if it continues, she’s actually set for another year in class A.

But of course, it all goes downhill around the second semester.