#see ya until release date ig

[silent-neutral]

Little late, but anyway; Spontaneous urge to draw a little ''birthday head canon' art for the occasion. Why the 11th of January? Well for one, I always felt him a January guy, but this specific date also happens to be Morozumi's birthday, so.. it's a perfect little tribute to Dragunov's VA that passed ;u;...

[separatist-apologist]

About how moving castle. I remember it adapted from a novel.And Howl Moving Castle is huge in the Animation or the anime fan. Basically everyone born from 1990 ish to 2000 (in my place , where i grow up) It was a very popular ghibli movie and in asia. Huge i think. And then Disney brought the license to have it dubbed in english.

To tell you how much Hayao Miyazaki valued his work, he send a Katana to Disney when they want to dubb Princess Mononoke. Disnye wanted to cut some part in Princess Mononoke but Hayao send the Katana and said 'no cut'. That is how much he value each animation, story and detail in his movie. Article said Disney producer wanted to softened down Princes Mononoke but Hayao wanted to keep this angsty and rage princess indentity.

Same goes Howl Moving Castle. He took his time to went to the original author of Howl Moving Caslte (she is english i think) and show her the movie before it was release to the public. You can tell this man is detailed when it come to handing his work.

Fun fact, Tolkien and Miyazaki both had experience live influence and affected heavily by war. Im sorry i dont remember exactly Tolkien if he was from WWI or WWII but i know Miyazaki experience tough live in WWII.

This movie play huge role in my life growing up in asia. And i feel when you say your experience reading disturbed when this famous work brought into Maas world.

I was sharing my thought on the Howl Moving Castle. I love LOTR too but was introduce to this masterpieces later in my life. And I love Aragorn the most. Tharanduil the second, hence my love for helion ig.

Yes, Tolkien fought in WW1, you're right about that and SO MUCH of what he experienced is interwoven in his stories.

When my (now 11) kid was a toddler and we met my now husband, he thought it was weird we didn't watch a lot television, and wanted to bond with her. So he introduced her to one of his favorite movies, Spirited Away. When I was growing up, we were like, POOR poor and I feel like everyone grew up watching movies and having experiences I didn't have until I was older and could go to my friend's house.

ANYWAY D still has this stuffed No Face plush she keeps on her bed. She tried to show it to baby P two months ago but P thought it was too scary (mr mb used to call D a haunted baby, she was such a spooky thing. An aside, since I guess today I'm being overly personal, but he worked nights for a while when we were dating and he'd set an alarm an hour early at 7pm each night to call and say hi and then read D a few pages from the Necronomicon (did I spell that right??) until she fell asleep. And now she checks out YA horror from the library).

I agree that it's jarring to see things you viscerally recognize put in another story, out of context but with enough imagery it's noticable. Like, clearly she loved it. I love it too. And I'm guessing it's fine since like, it happened and it's there, but it also pulls you out, and every time I see it I have to stop and like, reorient myself.

[lilchibi-chan]

Hawks Mafia! AU x Reader

This post/series is inspired by mailorderfriend on TikTok. I love her videos and when she did this series, my mind started going WILD! Details will be inspired by her videos (obvi) but everything else will come from my head.

CW/TW: THIS CHAPTER DOES CONTAIN MENTION OF ATTEMPTED ASSAULT, SO IF THAT IS TRIGGERING FOR YOU, YOU CAN SCROLL PAST IT, I WILL ALSO INSERT A WARNING BEFORE SAID ASSAULT TAKES PLACE!!

You work at a local diner in the city and make pretty good money. Business men come in on their lunch break and even late at night when they’re working late. A few of them try to impress you and make comments about you being beautiful and how you’re “much too nice of a girl to be working in a place like this”. You know it’s just for them to show off to their friends, although you do make great tips from it. They feel entitled because they work in these big beautiful buildings and look down on everyone, but that stuff doesn’t impress you.

There is one guy that sticks out to you. He has ash blonde hair and these amber/golden eyes and always has on the nicest suits, like really expensive looking and tailor made.Not like the business men that you usually see. You could tell he was rich or at least had more than enough money he knew what to do with, but he wasn’t arrogant. He always comes in when you’re working late, which has been everyday lately (just trying to make a little extra cash). He’s always nice to you and always asks how your day has been. He insists on calling you pet names like baby bird and hummingbird, but you don’t mind them. He says them in more of an endearing way than a i’m-trying-to-get-in-your-pants way.

When you’re closing, he stays until you leave. You don’t find it weird at all. He has this aura about him that just makes you feel safe. He makes you feel at peace, happy even.

It’s been raining for the past week and you have been dreading closing, but you needed the money since your roommate had moved out. You were on the hunt for a new one, but didn’t have any bites yet.  

“Excuse me sir,” you say to the very handsome,blonde haired man

“Yes, hummingbird,” he says looking into your eyes, each yours with his

“Um, we’re closing, s-so I have to ask you to leave,” you say nervously.

“That’s alright,” he says with a soft smile,“you have a Goodnight baby bird. Get home safe and be careful out there with all that rain.”

“Th-thank you sir,” you reply,still nervous

“Enough of the sir business, please call me Hawks”

“Yes si-I mean Hawks”

“Good girl,” he says in a low voice, then pats your head

He made his way out the door and towards his car. It was a blacked out Audi R8. He waved to you before he pulled off and you gave a small wave back.

You noticed there was man sitting in a corner booth. He was a regular, but he never came this late.You noticed the scent of liquor as you got closer to him.

“Sir,” you say tapping his shoulder

“Hey gorgeous,” he says drunkly

“Sir, we’re closing. I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” you say nicely, but firm

“I’ll leave... if you give me your number and let me take you out,” he says grabbing your hand

“Sir, I’m not allowed to fraternize with guests and that includes dating them,” you say pulling your hand out of his

“C’mon beautiful. You always treat me well when I come in and I see the way you look at me. You think I don’t notice, but I do. You want me,” he says standing over you

You mentally roll your eyes

“Sir, that’s just me doing my job. It’s called courtesy and being respectful. I’m going to have to ask you to leave now”

“C’mon stop denying it. You and I both want this. I know it, you know, so c’mon. Let me take you out,” he says going to grab your arm, but you back up

“Sir, this is the last time I’m going to ask you. Please leave,” you say in a slightly pissed off tone

“Look, I’m not screwing around,” he says finally grabbing you

WARNING: ATTEMPTED ASSAULT HAPPENS IN NEXT PARAGRAPH, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SCROLL PAST IF THAT IS SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE/IS TRIGGERING!

You try to pull away, but this time his grip is much stronger in you. He pushes you into the corner booth and forces you to lay down. He lowers himself to kiss you, but the door swings open causing his attention to go there.

“Well, well, well... what’s going on here? That’s no way to treat a lady, sir” he says smiling

“Stay out of this, it has nothing to do with you,” the customer says,still hovering over you

“Oh, it very much does sir cause ya see, I don’t really care for people disrespecting women in any way, but especially if it’s her.”

“Tch. Get lost before I have you limping out of here”

“Sir, you’re the one that’s probably not gonna make it out of here”

“You think you’re tough. Go ahead and try. I’ll lay you out right here,” the customer says finally getting off you

You’re able to sit up and see that it was Hawks who came to your aid.

You see him remove his suit jacket, fold it, then he lays it over the booth closest to the door. He started rolling up his sleeves and made his way toward the customer trying to have his way with you.

Hawks grabs the man and throws him to the floor. He then joins the man and places a hand around his throat.

“How does it feel to be the bitch now, huh? Come back here and I promise it’ll be the last fucking thing you do. If I see or hear that you’ve been hanging around, I’ll fucking kill you,” he says with a smile

He meant what he said.

Hawks releases his hold and let’s the man up off the ground. He races out of the diner and doesn’t even think to look back.

Hawks makes his way over to you and at first you’re unsure if you should let him near.

“Are you alright, baby bird,” he asks with a tinge of sadness in his eyes

“Y-yeah. Thanks to you. H-how did you even know-“

“I saw him when he came in and something felt off. When I drove off, I only parked across the street. I watched just in case he tried anything and I’m glad I did.”

“Th-thank you Hawks,” you say, still shaken up by the events that just occurred

He looks at you softly. His eyes saying ‘I’m here for you. You’re safe with me’

“Get your stuff baby bird. I’ll take you home, you shouldn’t be alone tonight,” he says softly as to not startle you or make you feel any more uneasy

You simply nod and get your stuff from the break room in the back of the restaurant.

You meet Hawks in the front and you feel the sudden urge to hug him.

This surprises him, but he hugs back and rubs the back of your head.

“Thank you,” you squeak out

He smiles and lets out a small hum.

He takes your hand and guides you to his car, covering you both with a huge umbrella.

He opens the door of the passenger side and lets you get in first. He does a small jog around and gets in on the drivers side.

“Comfortable, baby bird?”

“Mhmm”

“Good, so where we headed,” he says smiling

You tell him the address and starts the car. The drive is quiet, but comfortable. Hawks even put on the seat warmer for your chair to further comfort you.

He makes it to the front of your building and wakes you up gently. You weren’t even aware that you had nodded off.

“We’re here, humming bird”

“Thank you, Hawks...for everything,” you say grabbing his hand and rubbing his knuckles with your fingers

“Anytime...here,” he says handing you a business card

You examine the nicely crafted card and smile

“That’s my cell number. Whenever you need me, don’t hesitate”

“Thank you,” you say mentally kicking yourself because you keep saying thank you,“I promise that’s not the only thing I can say, but I’m appreciative of everything you’ve don’t for me tonight”

He laughs

“It’s fine and you’re welcome. I’m bein honest though kid. In fact, how about I give you a job at my company? It pays more than you working at the restaurant and I have top of the line security, that way you’ll always be safe. You’ll even make enough that you won’t need a roommate”

“I’ll think about it. Thank you though. I just wanna get through tonight. When I can actually think, I’ll let you know”

“Alright, baby bird. Well you get on up to your apartment. I’ll leave once you’re inside.”

You get out the car and enter the code to enter your building, then you take out your key fob to enter the second set of doors and to use the elevator. When you get up to your apartment, you look out the window and see Hawks’ car still sitting in the same spot. You can’t help the smile that grows on your face.

You text him, letting him know you’re in your apartment and you’re safe. He takes a minute, but eventually pulls off.

You head to your bathroom to wash the day off and head to bed.

Art by kawaiitentacle on IG

Hope you guys enjoyed this! I wanted to give you this in the meantime while I figure out how to extend Siren Song (I hate writers block).

[bokutosworld]

FALLING IN LOVE W HAIKYUU BOYS TO TAYLOR SWIFT SONGS

pairing: various x reader 

word count: 800+ words, fluff. 

summary: what falling in love feels like with them and the kind of lovers they are based on taylor swift songs that i think fit them

a/n: so taylor swift released the new version of love story and can i just say i am IN LOVE with it. and i somehow got inspired to revisit her old songs and thought of some hq characters that suit the songs :D ig this is a result of my swiftie brainrot so here ya go, happy valentines! 

OUR SONG – nishinoya, ATSUMU, hinata, HOSHIUMI, tanaka, KOGANEGAWA 

Experiencing love with them is like opening a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re going to get. There are no dull moments when they’re around; their surprises keeping your relationship alive and exciting. Arcade dates, impromptu midnight drives, shopping dates where you and him fill the aisles with boisterous laughter and looking all loved up, gathering the attention of jealous singles who wish they have what both of you share. Ultimately, they love like there’s no tomorrow; their affection all-consuming and making you feel like you’ve lucked out in life.   

LOVE STORY – YAMAGUCHI, kita, OSAMU, ennoshita, DAICHI

They give you love that makes you believe that fairytale endings and happy every afters do exist. Maybe the two of you fall in love at first sight, catching each other’s eyes from across the room, and the rest is history. Each moment spent with them feels like a dream come true. Heartfelt words and affecting actions define your relationship, putting to shame every couple that existed in romance novels and movies. As lovers, they are faithful and passionate, and there’s no one else you’d want to grow old together with than them. 

YOU BELONG WITH ME – BOKUTO, lev, GOSHIKI, komori, HANAMAKI, yaku

It’s a kind of love where both of you bring out the best in each other. You’ve been together since childhood, having seen one another in their best and worst days, yet the two of you still stick by one’s sides. Everyone – from your parents, friends, and even the neighbors – sees how well you two complement each other; and there’s really no one else who knows you better than them. They know how to calm the raging storm in your heart on your bad days, how you like your coffee in the mornings, or even how you’d like to be proposed to when that fateful moment comes and he’s ready to go down on one knee and ask that you spend the rest of lifetime together.

SPARKS FLY – KUROO, terushima, SUGAWARA, futakuchi, KONOHA, matsukawa 

You think he’s on a league above your own, but when the two of you cross paths, the unexpected happens: you instantly hit it off. He comes off strong, a force you think you can’t reckon with, but to you, in secret, he brings down his guards and shows his true self – his troubles, desires, and ambitions that he believes only you can answer. It’s in the little things that you both realize your intense longing for one another: the staying up all night talking on the phone (not caring whether you’d wake up with eyebags), the intense lingering gazes exchanged from afar, brief kisses in secret hallways, and the subtle yet electrifying touches that make you feel hot and alive. It’s a love that you’re proud of, the kind that you’d want to showcase to the whole world. 

CRUEL SUMMER - IWAIZUMI, kyotani, SUNA, kageyama, KUNIMI

You meet at a time when you needed each other the most. It was early midnight and you were the only two people left in the diner when he scoots in your booth, with his blinding smile and eyes that spelled trouble. Feeling bold and confident, he took your hand for a midnight rendezvous and before you knew it, you found yourself falling for him hook, line, and sinker. He teaches you how to be free, you teach him what’s it like to love. It’s a relationship where you’re both unsure but you’re exploring new territories and experiencing firsts together. He bathes you in a love that makes you crave for more. And though it doesn’t last as long as you hoped it would be, he leaves you a sweet aftertaste that lingers even long after you’ve separated.  

MINE - TSUKISHIMA, tendou, SEMI, kenma, DAISHO 

Romance was something you already crossed off in your life. You’ve seen people close to you get hurt, lose themselves, and cry their hearts out over someone. It was something you never wanted to experience until he came along. Like a knight in shining armor, he enters your life at the right time when you needed someone’s steady support the most. Along with his arrival, comfort and peace of mind comes to you. His love saves you, heals you, and puts back the broken pieces of your life together. He shows you what it is like to trust and give your whole heart to someone without fear of having it shattered into pieces. Most of all, you’ve find someone that you can now call your new home. 

LOVER - AKAASHI, asahi, SAKUSA, ushijima, ARAN

Being in love with them is one of best things in the world. It’s the kind that makes you believe that soulmates do exist. As soon as your eyes land on them, it feels like you’ve known them your whole life and your breath is knocked out of your lungs as suddenly the world around you is painted in vibrant colors. You instantly feel connected to them, your soul attached to theirs in a way you couldn’t describe. You find yourself falling head over heels for them in everything they do, even in complete utter moments of silence where it’s just you and him in the comfort of your shared home. Simple post-it notes scattered all over apartment, the never-ending love confessions making you feel complete, whole, and reassured. Promise rings are exchanged as symbol of undying commitment; and sooner or later, these are traded for bands worn on your ring finger, signifying the gift of a lifetime together. 

[chickawah23]

hey! im not trying to troll or anything im just confused and wanted to see if you had any insight.

if taylor was going to come out in 2019 (i strongly believe this theory), why would they agree to karlie getting married in 2018? ofc i wouldnt expect them to come out as a couple anytime soon after that, but the timing of it feels strange if they are still together. she couldve just kept “dating” him rather than getting married

The “wedding” was a photoshoot and the photos in the woods were leaked on ig stories by someone on 🛴 team. Karlie spent the end of the night on the floor of a cabin eating a brownie and looked perturbed to say the least. Then almost a year later in June 2019, just two months before Lover was released AND a week before Taylor went public with her tumblr post about the masters sale, they threw a “second wedding” in Wyoming (Karlie referred to it as a party). A party with a copy paper printout of her and Frank palicky taped to shooter bottles of tequila as party favors. (totes High-end don’t ya think). Karlie was notorious for getting papped without her ring. In fact she didn’t start wearing it consistently in pictures until around the time of the pandemic. Karlie is not married to that man and all I can say is she has done a great job in the last two years making sure people forget how this whole thing started to feed this narrative.

For me when it comes to Karlie I just think to myself isn’t it weird how a celebrity always seems to be walking into the face of bad press? Almost as if someone wants them there. She “married” into one of the worst families in the country at the height of 45’s incendiary presidency. Her name was consistently tied to that administration. She was papped with or near them more than she ever was in her many years “dating” him. (She even forgot she was dating him throughout the years of this grand love story). She announces a pregnancy at the height of the pandemic. She is seen yachting and partying with the worst rich people. She gets name dropped in a story about Russian oligarchs at the height of a war for sovereignty in the Ukraine. Like we used to joke about Penni Thow being bad at her job but it honestly just feels like KK is a dog on a leash being walked through a pile of 💩. No one can make this many wrong choices unwittingly. Especially if you look at Karlie’s social media and public presence prior to early 2018. Also, I keep an eye on all of her KNOWN friends and family who used to be a huge part of her life who are now nowhere to be seen. Idk it has always kind of felt, to me at least, that someone is trying to ruin Karlie’s reputation in order to diminish the draw of Taylor ending up with Karlie. Like if I can’t get to Taylor I’ll go for the person taylor loves. So when she comes out you’ll get hate articles about how Taylor is dating this horrendous person who has ties to horrendous people.

The “why” of this all is a question that we can only speculate about. There were blind items from 2019 that discussed taylor performing at stonewall inn and Karlie was supposed to be there with her. Then there were blinds about taylor being allowed to come out but she couldn’t mention Karlie at all. During this time, Karlie was still represented by 🛴 who owned Taylor’s masters. So for me and for some others in this corner of the internet, 🛴 was using Karlie as a bargaining chip to get Taylor to work with him because their relationship was an open secret and Scott B had a lot of inside information. Like “let me be the face behind your coming out and bringing you two together” vibes. Additionally, 🛴has a clause in all his contracts that does not allow any of his clients to speak poorly of him and I think he used that to his advantage against Karlie. This is also why I have always felt like Taylor in 2019 was going in on 🛴. The masters sale was big but I think there was a deeper hate here. But that’s just my opinion. All in all, everything that has happened was really a beautiful disaster.

If you were to ask why Karlie is still in this mess today I’d say it’s because of the re-recording plan. Everything is chilling in limbo until taylor can get back what she lost. To quote Taylor’s introduction to Red TV, “imagining your future might always take you on a detour back to the past.”

Overall this is just my opinion. The only people who know for sure are those involved.

[cloveroctobers]

• JENIFER “JEN” MARLOWE •

IG Info/bio: @/justjenw1n | 220k followers | Fashion | just a LUVer who owns a lovely blog that you’re more than welcome to check out here... astoldbyjenmarlowe.co.uk 🪞🛍🪄

22 (24) (25 in 2021) years of age

From London, England

Her family has French origins

Tends to visit once a year mainly with her family

For her 18th bday, her parents also sent her to Paris with her bf that she’s been dating since she was 14

they broke up since he wanted to stay in Paris to pursue his dreams and she felt like she needed to be back home...which she felt Paris was not

Extremely close to her parents, some may say a little TOO close...

See, I feel like jen comes from a family that spoils her where her parents did everything and took care of everything for her. She had the privilege and didn’t have to work too hard to get things she wanted so that made her a little bit different than a few of her friends, hell—even her bf

Didn’t have to work until she reached her twenties

She also didn’t have too many friends because her parents felt like her cousins and/or her sibs were really only allowed to hold that title

However her parents had some sort of a soft spot for her when they allowed her to date her bf at 14 since he came from a nice background...

And to have at least 1-2 best friends...

I can’t decide if I see her having 3 other sibs with her being the second eldest, or her being the eldest with a younger sister? I can also see her being a only child too? Idk y’all can decide

Because her family is a tight knit one, she values everything they say and do...which is canon/evident

She got her thigh tattoo in Paris and even thought about asking her parents permission but her bf talked her out of it

she later showed them that night while he was in the shower. Her mother openly disapproved saying it was, “unladylike or unclean” while her father was more lenient towards it 

Her mother even scheduled her for laser appointments but this was one of the things jen was sure of, she loved her tattoo and she didn’t want to erase it from her body which led to her mother not speaking to her for about a month—even tho they live in the same household

I feel like she looks more like her dad with her mom’s hair and smile

Got into fashion due to her maternal grandmother who seemed to live a extravagant life as a old time actress, she always had and owned the finest of things

Jen loved having sleepovers there, it felt like she had her own personal Liz Taylor inside of her nan...but better!

Definitely found inspiration through Liz Taylor, Kate Moss, Victoria Beckham, and Naomi Campbell

she had no clue what she wanted to do in life (she never had to think too hard about it until now, it’s true what they say about your twenties) and she made the choice not to continue thru with uni & I’m not going to make her out to be the stereotypical “dumb blonde” I think she did well in school—so she kinda just chilled after it was all over

Her first job at 20 was probably working in retail where she learned all about the bs you put up with but she loved clothes! That never changed

So she decided 6 months into her job that she was going to make a fashion blog

she made one separate from her tumblr but kept it under construction since she needed to brain storm what exactly this blog would entail

It didn’t take too long to her to figure it out by how she wanted the blog to look then discussing pieces from celebs/models then slowly discussing her own wardrobe + advice

She didn’t immediately gain success for it —altho she did have a good 1k people follow her thru her tumblr where she also provided the link to her separate blog... but she worked/works hard at it, hoping one day it’ll get her somewhere and that maybe she can get paid for it too?

Retail fucking sucks and people are horrible twats so when she was approaching 21 she deff quit with her parents still hammering...more so her dad on what she needs to do with her life but she found happiness in her blog and no one was going to take that away from her —not even her parents

‘What’s the use of working if it doesn’t make you happy?’ She thinks but again! she has the privilege of living under her parents roof and not having to pay bills so she didn’t have to worry too much rn she knows they’d never kick her out right?

she has two bunnies named “bugsy” and “Lola”—u know the reference right?

I feel like she values the flinstones & jetsons because it was something her dad loved watching as a kid and still does , probably has the dvds showcased in her room that she watches when she feels sad

Seems like a smiley person but when she’s sad? It kinda sucks to see cause she turns into a whole different person and she always seems happy with a smile so wide that turns her eyes squinty

If she disagrees with something, she’s 100% giving her opinion whether you like it or not? Wrong is wrong. But when the shoe is on the other foot? She hates being wrong LOL or doesn’t view herself being wrong. Doesn’t take accountability well...at all!

She’s also showed her ass by being a gossiper and fake as hell with Allegra about mc with the whole, “let’s pretend like we’re there for her” if you’re not fucking with somebody just say that or SHOW it sis cause that snakey shit will come back to bite you in the ass (I forgot about this lol as I’m replaying)

she’s all “mega resting bitch face” until she breaks out into a large smile

Libra sun? + Virgo moon? + Gemini rising?

I feel like she only knows what she wants when it comes to relationships but not with the rest of life?

Lol she was very determined with levi in the beginning, explored shit with jake, (I can’t remember if that was after you/mc showed a interest in him or not in that route? I’m doing a talia/Rohan route rn But that’s kinda foul if she’s smiling in ur face and then boom goes and does what she wants but hey that’s the game right? Fck that tho) and then stood by Tim after only some time?

She wasn’t feeling him in the beginning either cause he thought she was too posh for him and snakey which he’s right to some degree but she’s also right if she finds him too immature for her liking

To you jim? Ten? Stans— Idk what their ship name is but it probably wouldn’t have worked out in the long run either because I don’t see both of them wanting to change themselves completely to satisfy the other. (Tim tried) Sure if you’re showing unhealthy behaviors and are open to diminishing that for yourself then trying to work on your relationship then that’s great! But they already started from the jump not liking each other’s personalities/characteristics....

And hey! Ofc I know people grow to like things they might have disliked about you in the beginning but you can also find yourself not fully accepting it in a relationship and that doesn’t mean you didn’t try

+ it’s been hinted at that they’re not endgame & if you love yourself some Tim not platonically then this works in ur favor. if not? Then you can keep them endgame by all means! For me? That endgame shit is a no! For those that don’t gaf about either of them that’s fine too lmao

YES I feel like they were both hurt over the breakup and it probably happened right around the holidays or either a couple of months after Christmas/New Years 2019

Jen is probably the type to keep checking up on her ex, not necessarily talking to them but finding out who they’re with now

and if it’s Tim with mc she’s definitely gossiping about the shit with erikah and Allegra or making shady tweets or posts on IG for sure

“5 outfits to wear when you run into your ex” type posts on her blog looool

She hopes if she runs into Tim, she’s looking her best and she would 80% go up to him & mc/his new girl if not mc and be all huggy with him and holding conversation before she even thinks to acknowledge mc/new girl and when she does it’s a shady convo with fake smiles

Absolutely loves watching housewives so she was prepared for that moment if it ever does come

Her parents openly didn’t like Tim which made him feel like shit since it seemed like jen never defended him in front of them but again, she values her parents opinion and always wants their stamp of approval that’s just the way the girl is/ was brought up

She owes them everything but deep down knows that in her relationship with Tim she could have been a little more understanding of his needs like he was with her love for her parents...but she’ll never admit that

Doesn’t get over breakups as easily as it may seem like her exes do in her opinion.

It sure didn’t take long with Tim to date mc/new girl months after they broke up! Which was like a slap in the face

The ex bf she spent time w in Paris who looks like Matthew Noszka is now engaged, lives in AMERICA—& of all places??? California to be exact, and just released his debut album!! She knows which songs are probably about her, it’s a nice album she screamed about it for hours into her pillow and cried for what felt like weeks

Lost her voice over that breakdown too

Her mother even went as far as sending a nasty letter to this ex bf’s new address...since ya know? jen’s dad is a private investigator & all!!! but dad had no knowledge of this being done

She’s still fond of Levi and jake but not like in love with them? Like she thought/felt she was with Tim but she still considers them her mates

Maybe in 2021 she’ll be open to dating again and hopes erikah and Allegra will be her wingwomen when the time comes BUT she’s focusing on her blog rn and it’s the best it’s ever been!

She had the show to thank for that now that she has a manager and is getting paid for running her blog now! That’s right this girl is officially employed!

“At least one good thing came from the show ;) 🧽🥐🥂” type of tweets

There’s never not a moment where she’s not connecting her posts whether thru ig or Twitter to her blog: astoldbyjenmarlowe.co.uk!!!

Both erikah and Allegra talk a little shit about that together...WHEN they DO talk, the pair only really socialize when jen initiates it but if one pisses the other off?? they’re going to gossip about it with the other forsure

She doesn’t look that tall to me? Taller than erikah? 5’2-5’5 the 5 is pushing it for me? Maybe? lol I’m still deciding between her and Allegra far as height and I’m too lazy to go back and see what I put for her

Hates straightening her hair, that pin straight look is not cute to her. She loves having waves and body to her hair

Get her eyebrows micro bladed since she doesn’t have much hair up there to begin with

Adores French cuisine, always has since she was a little girl. Bisque used to be her fav back then and all that she would eat

Loves spring season especially pastel colors when it comes to her wardrobe

The type to say one thing and do the complete opposite

I feel like she probably has a little bit of lisp and it’s not really noticeable until she says some words, she’s insecure about it and thought it had something to do with the structure of her teeth and begged her parents to get them fixed but it literally had nothing to do with them

Yet she still got colorful braces in middle school even tho her teeth were pretty straight. She didn’t have to wear them for a whole year, thank goodness

Went to speech therapy to help

Has stacks of fashion magazines even from the early 90s all over her room: her night stand, her vanity, her closet, underneath her bed etc...

Adores the Hadid sisters, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, & Georgia May Jagger

Makes the best white chocolate chip (that’s right, white not just regular chocolate) banana bread but cooking/baking? Isn’t really her thing

Early riser

Loves yellow: yellow phone case, yellow laptop, yellow room, yellow tulips, yellow shades, etc...

Getting Prada shades was probably one of the best things that happened to her, s/o to her nan for granting her this wish

Words of affirmation is her love lanaguage, this girl is a talker and a bit of a thinker too I mean duh? She runs a blog

Likes bright colors on her toes but nude and clear polish on her hands?

Loves a good mascara but she also loves magnetic lashes but is trying her best to grow her lashes out rn! Thanks to erikah for sending her some good ol’ coconut oil!

Smokey eyes? Set her up

Gets a belly ring, and two more tatts one in between her boobs and the last on her ankle & that one she shed a tear over!

Maybe she’ll start changing her physical attributes more so than the way she carries her life at first? (Or ever) She’ll cut her hair below her collarbone to the top of her chest, and maybe she’ll try a light light LIGHT brunette (she loves being a natural blonde) with blonde highlights? Who knows

loves espadrilles and wedge sandals

Loves going wine tasting and visiting vineyards, if she’s vacationing? You can bet ur ass she’s looking for a vineyard to visit

Deff a lightweight

Here’s her unpopular opinions on s2: Thought Felix was a wannabe Tim and hates the fact that he follows her, thought graham was unattractive and said so to Allegra who snickered, thought marisol’s clothing choices were rather boring,

didn’t feel 100% bad for Hannah but disagrees with the way Gary and noah spoke about her + the way Gary tried to slide back over to Hannah on her comeback episode

but doesn’t feel like Lottie is wrong for choosing Gary after Hannah left

isn’t a fan of priya but is glad she’s doing fashion since jen strongly believes in if something isn’t making u happy then u need to let it go

Thinks Hope should have won and cannot tolerate Bobby. Feels he’s WORSE than Felix,

would be open to dating Ibrahim or Carl from that szn

has spoken to Harry from s3 due to his drunkenness and actually made a friend out of him? But low key wants to get to know seb? Take that info as u will 👀

Her anthem: Michelle — SUNRISE

[larriefails]

28 is not a Larry number - a masterpost

Since @theystudyrainbows has decided to put all the Larrie delusions on this number in one handy masterpost, why not debunk it all in one go?

Even the introduction is a mess. The 28 is not “a One Direction fandom mystery” at all. It’s Louis’ jersey number that he was assigned at Doncaster Rovers and that he has since then adopted. But then again, Liam’s kidney and the Belfast canceled concert are not mysteries either

How decent of you to say that some of these are coincidences, considering literally all of the following is bullshit

The fact that “too many people to name” contributed to write this drivel makes my heart ache

Harry has no connection to the number 28 whatsoever

The problem with you attempting numerology is that there are only 9 possible digits (as the addition of two numbers can never be zero). So, you clown yourselves because it leads to this

Eleanor was born on July 16th 1992:

7+1+6+1+9+9+2 = 35

3+5 = 8

Oh no!

But also, Zayn was born on January 13th 1992:

1+1+3+1+9+9+2 = 26

2+6 = 8

(: Ya see how that’s just not good?

Not only that, but also, as I said, Harry has no connection to the number 28, but for shits and giggles

Kendall Jenner was born on November 3rd 1995:

1+1+3+1+9+9+5 = 29

2+9 = 11

1+1 = 2

So.. basically this is worthless information that you pulled out of your ass. Or I could easily claim that 28 is an Elounor or a Hendall number

You also use this method to count Harry and Louis’ X Factor numbers, but as we’ve established, there are only 9 options, the odds are stacked for this coincidence

How is that 28? That’s 82.. A completely different number. In the UK the date is written day/month/year. So the “same gig” was the 8th day of the 2nd month. 82. It’s very funny that, since you’re Italian and live in the UK (both countries that use the day/month/year system) you’ve written every date so far that way, but now that you want to say this other random date is connected to 28, you switched to month/day/year.

Also, where is the year in this equation? We’ve been using the entire date so far, but now we’re only focusing on the day and month? (and switching order?) That seems very convenient. Almost like, if you try hard enough, any date can add up to 28 in some way?

November 17th 2011, Louis and Eleanor’s anniversary: 11+17=28! Oh no! DRATS! It’s still an Elounor number!

And now we’re just ignoring the month and only focusing on the day. And not only that, but ignoring half the time they were there (the 27th) to only focus on the 28th. That is, once again, very convenient

But continuing with your own ridiculous logic. We know that Louis and Eleanor went to V Fest together in 2011, because Eleanor said so on twitter when Sugarscape wondered if the “brown haired girl” holding hands with Louis at V Fest was her

V Fest was on August 20th and 21st 2011. What do you know? 20+8 = 28! Damn... this is getting suspicious. Louis!!! Did you get the 28 for Eleanor? :)

This is a whole ass facepalm. I’m going to link the video here just so it’s verifiable how unhinged y’all are

He literally turns for 1 millisecond, and is looking in the general area of his right because that’s where everyone else in the band is standing. The fact that y’all still do this shit is so embarrassing for your life and your soul

But why don’t you tell the truth? That y’all decided their anniversary was the 28th and then created this completely impossible to prove “receipt”? How is it proof of anything if it came AFTER y’all had decided the 28 was their anniversary? Your circular logic knows no bounds

Harry has not used the 28 number AT ALL. Louis hasn’t used the 28 as his jersey number “often,” he started using it in 2013 when it was assigned to him by the Doncaster Rovers when he was signed as a semi professional player

This is from goal.com, one of the most important sources of soccer information in the world X

The article is from September 2013 and John Ryan, the chairman of the Rovers, explains that 28 was HIS number, that HE used for a match. Soccer players have assigned numbers throughout the season, and the number 28 had been retired from the line up after John Ryan used it in 2003. He decided to bring it back to give it to Louis. And Louis was signed as a soccer player professionally with that number. That’s why it’s important to him, you bag of nonsense. This was his life long dream in the club he loved. He probably spent hours and hours daydreaming about being signed professionally to play soccer and when he finally accomplished that, it was with the number 28, so of course it’s gonna be important to him!

Find ONE INSTANCE of Louis using the number 28 before the summer of 2013. ONE. You won’t! The tattoo came after that, him wearing it on his jerseys came after that. According to Larrie Lore Harry and Louis started dating in 2011 (apparently September 28th 2011, go figure), but for two full years neither of them did anything related to the number 28 whatsoever!

Why didn’t Louis wear the 28 in his first charity match in 2012?

The fact that he wore 17, which is his and Eleanor’s anniversary. LMAO can you say ouch? Furthermore, Louis didn’t CHOOSE the 28, it was ASSIGNED to him because it was the symbolic number the chairman had used back in 2003. It was a retired number that no player had used for 10 years, and they decided to give it to him as a gesture. Man, that would be a HUGE coincidence if out of 40 something available numbers in a soccer line up, Louis had wanted exactly the one that was retired and meant a whole lot for the chairman, instead of the chairman offering it to Louis, like LOGIC says. Another HUGE coincidence that he had not bothered with the 28 at all up until that point and then started having it everywhere. But I thought Larries hated those?

After this you list all the times Louis has used the 28, which there are a lot, but all come after 2013, I don’t want to add more pointless screenshots here. Doncaster Rovers jersey (from 2013 on), dodgeball jersey (2015), in ears (2015), tattoo (2015), BTY music video (2017), LTHQ’s first IG username (2017), his playlist (2018/2019)

How is that... 28? That’s 90028. And this isn’t a date, where you can just pick the number apart as you wish. This is a zip code for a secret show the Rolling Stones played in LA in 2015

Not only that, but Harry (and this is hilariously tragic for you) was ACTUALLY AT THE GIG! THAT’S WHY HE POSTED THE PHOTO!

Posting the screenshot with the date so you can see. May 21st 2015. Article by the LA Times X

This is Harry at the actual gig with Mick Jagger you absolute MORON X

And this is Harry wearing a Rolling Stones shirt the day after the gig because he’s that much of a fanboy

Y’all the second hand embarrassment is K I L L I N G me. CRYING TEARS OF BLOOD OVER THE FACT THAT THIS WAS WRITTEN IN ACTUAL SERIOUSNESS

Why is “professional” in scare quotes?? I can’t believe that you just added 1+2+3+4+5+6+7. Oh my god. I can’t believe I have to say this but *whispers* those are consecutive numbers. They just used consecutive numbers... And why would Harry’s HQ account managed by the team that’s “oppressing them” use a secret code with their beloved 28? How does that make ANY sense?

The article is wrong. He wore TWENTY-SEVEN Gucci suits. I can’t believe that’s a sentence I just typed, but alas

1- Basel, 2- Copenhagen, 3- Hamburg, 4- Milan, 5- Bologna, 6- London I, 7- Hong Kong, 8- Bangkok, 9- Rio de Janeiro, 10- Mexico City I and II (same suit), 11- Houston, 12- Fort Lauderdale 13- Nashville, 14- Hershey, 15- Philadelphia, 16- Toronto, 17- MSG I, 18- DC, 19- Detroit, 20- Indianapolis, 21- Chicago, 22-St. Paul, 23- Denver, 24- Seattle, 25- San Jose, 26- LA I, 27- LA II

In 60 concerts, he also wore Charles Jeffrey 4 times, Saint Laurent 3 times, Palomo Spain 2 times, a custom kilt, Harris Reed 5 times, Clavin Klein 6 times, Alexander McQueen 7 times, Givenchy 4 times. Just so you don’t think I’m purposefully missing out on a suit to make it 27. The article probably counted Mexico’s suit twice. But it’s not 28 suits, it’s 27. The Mexico suit was the same both nights

I would love to know how this would be relevant to Larry or how this would mean the number 28 is important to Harry. Does he have OCD? I don’t get it

Here we have another round of “I will MAKE IT FIT 28 IF IT KILLS ME!”

Let’s see the different tactics that you used

Adding day and month

Taking only the day

Adding day month and year. Except you left out the 2 in 2017. Because otherwise it wouldn't add up. I can’t deal with thisodnadmsla

Harry performed track 2, meaning, his lead single that he was still promoting, Sign of the Times, and 8 Ever since NEW YORK because... he was performing in... New York...

Only the day. Wow, you actually repeated tactics once!

Adding two completely different dates together, that have absolutely no correlation. How are Sweet Creature, Harry’s promo single, and the music video for a different single, related in any way? What? Why not Kiwi’s music video? Why not Two Ghosts music video? Why not the release of either of those singles to radio? Can you make it any more obvious that you’re just pulling this completely out of your ass?

You repeat tactics again, except it’s the most ridiculous tactic of adding all the numbers in the date except the 2 of the year and it’s for “Harry posted link to Twitter to Sign of the Times music video PREVIEW.” Oh my god

And now you’re counting days between two dates, because that’s not unhinged. I’m guessing you mean the April 14th not 24th, but that also wasn’t the date? It was the 13th? It depends on the time zone you were in?

For someone who, according to you, plans with such precise care to match to 28, he didn’t wait until it would be 28 days for everyone. It’s not even because it was tweeted at midnight UK since this is like 3/4 AM UK time. In fact, it wasn’t midnight anywhere relevant (or anywhere, in general since it was at .54 minutes). So not only is this ridiculous, it’s also incorrect

1. That’s not a fan, that’s his cousin, but Larries know barely anything about Harry if it can’t involve Larry so I’m not surprised you don’t know

2. Imagine him asking “please, make the password add to 28“ to his staff. I have tears in my eyes picturing it

3. I CAN’T BREATHE. Y’all are BLIND on top of INCREDIBLY STUPID. That’s THE DATE

That’s his Hamburg concert, which you can tell because of his suit, which was on MARCH 25TH 2018 (he posted the pictures the day after)

AKA 250332018 which is what the password says

You not only confused an 8 with a 9, but also created numbers out of thin air because of a pixel smudge and failed to realize it was the FUCKING DATE. WHICH DOESN’T EVEN ADD TO 28! 2+5+3+2+1+8= 21

This is perhaps the most ridiculous thing written in this post, which is already one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever read. Can you imagine Harry counting to 28 in his head in the middle of the concert? I can’t y’all, this is too much. You’re A GROWN WOMAN. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I also found it incredibly suspicious that you didn’t outright link the video which you do throughout the post, and turns out it is because he didn’t pause for 28 seconds (what is this fucking sentence?)

He stops playing and singing at 2.40. Then speaks until 2.43. Then the “pause” which is just him trying to get the audience to stop screaming until 3.07 when he says (I can’t really make it out) “now you” or something like that. And then he says “for your eyes...” and lets the audience sing at 3.09. Literally none of these timestamps add to 28 and he had no way of counting to 28 since he was silencing people the entire time. And just like when he switched “I have love you since we were 18″ to “I have loved you since I was 16″ hitting his own chest, or when he said he fell in love to What Makes You Beautiful, you missed the entire point of this bit, which is Harry’s LOVE FOR HIS FANS

He has loved us since he was 16, he fell in love to us to What Makes you Beautiful, and he was letting us sing that part of the song every concert. He “paused” to shush the nonsensical screams, then he would give the audience the cue and let them sing. Several times he dedicated the song to specific fans in the audience, people with cancer, little kids, a fan that had neck surgery. By making it about Larry, you stripped it from its actual meaning and Harry’s love for his fans. But you always do shit like that

Regardless, he didn’t pause for 28 seconds. Wrong

And you end the post with the most anticlimactic possible tone

Here’s the video

Harry is talking about anniversaries because he’s reading a sign from the audience... about.. anniversaries

Y’all are the definition of clowns. All that fuss for the 28 and THIS is your proof?

[todomomohouse]

Todomomo Idols AU

Ya, When I say, Idol, I mean like Kpop idols, lol.

Momo is a solo artist, Her style is mature musical, not sexual since she dislikes showing off too much skin but she can't argue with her stylists sometimes which those times, gained her tons of fanboys.

Shoto is a from a boy group with Bakugou, Midoriya, Kaminari, Kirishima and Sero. They're from a new agency and when they debuted, they boomed, becoming the most promising boy group of the era with Shoto as the main visual and face of the group.

They knew who each other were but never met until a countdown program asked for them as MCs.

They were shipped from that and Shoto's members would tease him on and off-camera.

They met more as more demands of them pops up.

Shoto and Momo's first acting was when they were asked to audition for the main leads and they got the role for a 'soul mate-AU' series.

This was the first time faces get to see Shoto without a scar thanks to great concealer skills

Shoto began to feel things for Momo, maybe it was from all the teasing led him to thinking more of her and how they are actually the same age yet Momo has already debuted Solo.

When it was the third year that they had known each other, Nezu, UA ent; aka. Shoto's agency, had a talk with Uwabami, Momo's manager and they agreed to let the two 20 years olds be paired in the 'I got married' program.

On the first few weeks of the airing, it went wild!

Shoto had fallen so hard for her.

One time, Momo woke up and Shoto was gone for a comeback practice, she took his shirt and wore it to make breakfast (or brunch) for them.

Shoto came back and blushed. Everything was recorded ofc.

During the third month anniversary of them being faked married, Shoto took her to a theme park and he confessed to her of actually loving her for real when they were on a roller-coaster.

Momo heard it but pretends to not, she also has a small crush on him for a while now.

Shoto thought she didn't hear him so he confessed again in a haunted house.

Momo accepted, ofc.

Which brings to them leaving 'I got married' and dated for real.

Fans would commented on how funny it was that Shoto confessed at least one he shouldn't. Momo couldn't agree more and teases him about it every time she can bring it up.

Ofc, there were people who were against them, mostly Shoto's bias since they view him as 'National' s treasure' and 'face of the country', he shouldn't be dating anyone until he's forty!

By the time it was almost their first anniversary, Momo's family was exposed that the Yaoyorozus have been illegally selling and smuggling illegal drugs into the country. Momo had nothing to do with it, it was her father who was behind it but the public, already triggered with Momo dating Shoto, based her and tried to frame her.

Momo had been on hiatus due to the news and Shoto was forced to stay quiet until the news cleared. He stayed with her as much as he can but with a new comeback and soon Asia-tour, Shoto wasn't able to meet her everyday and would usual try to text her as much as possible or make video calls.

It didn't help much and Momo succumbed to depression.

Momo's fans tried to encouraged her through social medias but it didn't reached her as she would kept herself away from everything, starving in her dorm room in her agency.

Momo was then hospitalised when Shoto finally finished his tour. He went to her ASAP and stayed with her until she was released and was getting better.

Her father was arrested and her mother died of shock, it impacted Momo tons and she extended her hiatus until next year.

Shoto wrote a song for her and debuted as a solo artist this year. The song consists of his feelings for her and how great she is and how he wishes to see them grow old together.

It became their wedding song later with Momo's acoustic version and their duet version.

Shoto proposed to Momo in her dorm room, when she was still in her night wear and him, all wearing full makeup since he came straight from his solo debut showcase.

Ironically, Momo's TV was showing Shoto's debut showcase where he was singing and it made Momo blushed and cried happily.

Momo accepted and she got better.

They married publicly, using it as if it was Momo's return debut to the Entertainment industry.

Bakugou actually cried when he sees Shoto got married. Kirishima took an IG story of him crying and it went viral.

Midoriya also cried. Their manager and Shoto's brother, Natuso, smiled brightly and shouted (not loudly) that he wasn't sure if he should be happy with his little brother got married before him or happy that Shoto's first girlfriend is his wife and he's getting laid.

Do you guys want more of these AUs?

Hehe, I fell in love with these idols and models AUs a lot, maybe next time I'll focus on their fluff, Shoto's group and their future celeb families. Maybe a Shoto on 'The return of Superman' would be fun, lol.

[well-hidden-hot-mess]

another monday

well it’s 6:27am as i’m laying here in bed on a monday morning and just kinda want to get some thoughts out. idk if it’s because i need to work through them or if i need to clarify things or what but just kinda let them out of my head and see what happens. it’s not a rant because i don’t feel angry or anything negative, i just think i need to kinda talk it out. so that’s what i’ll do and hope that it clarifies why i’m feeling such a strong urge to do whatever it is i need to do with these thoughts/feelings so i can move on. it’s weird this feeling i’m having because it’s one i’m not used to. i’m not like venting because i’m mad like i said, i’m not feeling the need to like clear my head or idk, i just can’t explain it. it’s just very weird so hopefully me putting the words on “paper” aka screen will help accomplish my brain with whatever it’s trying to do with these things that keep floating around. 

so the first is about my most recent ex. i mean we only dated for 2 months and were only happy for half of that but i saw an IG story with him and a new girl which based on the matching outfits and body language, i can tell it’s more than a friend. i was really upset about this when i saw it 2 days ago and i don’t know why. i’m not jealous because he’s dating someone else because i don’t want him at all, i just think i’m jealous that he was able to find someone else and i haven’t. honestly i haven’t tried at all so i can’t really complain but it’s like okay here’s this man child with all sorts of issues that i can’t even get myself to go into right now because i don’t want to start my day off mad and he can find someone else so quickly and here i am, in this shitty mental place, alone and even though i know i’m nowhere near in a good head space to attempt dating right now, i still want to have someone and feel that closeness and happiness with someone again. i just think it’s hard because with him, things were so beyond great at first and we skipped the awkward getting to know you phase because we clicked so well so fast that i felt like i had known him forever and to have something so great, such strong happy feelings go from 0 to 100 and then such a short time later come crashing down has just fucked with my brain/emotions a little bit. i finally after so long thought i had found someone that was the one and who made me happy and everything was great only to find out quickly after that we were just so not compatible at all and to be dumped back in that miserable like jail cell of loneliness again just makes it that much harder. now look, is he the right one for me? fuck no not at all. do i want him or want him to be the one? FUCK no. i’m gunna be petty for a second because i just want to and this might be the venting part of it but like i want/need someone who shows me they’re physically attracted to me and compliments me and who i have that sexual connection with (not just during sex but like all the time - like there’s passion there, not just a friendship connection where we have sex sometimes and that’s when it goes right back to friends... idk i’m not explaining it right but i know what i mean). like the fact that i felt like the pervert or the sex fiend for wanting to have sex more than like once a week in the beginning of a relationship (which is when people are normally fucking every chance they get and that fire is as bright as it’ll ever be) just is not going to work for me. like don’t get me wrong, i don’t want a 24/7 fuck fest but like if i’m standing naked in front of my partner after a shower or while getting changed and they’re not like making comments or trying to be sneaky and catch a glimpse at least some of the time, i want there to be some acknowledgement. it makes me feel really insecure like is he not attracted to me? like i’m a naked woman standing in front of you and you’re well aware i’m naked and you’d rather look at soccer jerseys online?? and if this happened like once or twice, fine but it was every single time and i had to initiate sex every single time and he COMPLAINED about me wanting to do it again like 3 days after the last round... look i know not everyone has the same appetite for this kinda thing but like come on... plus when it did happen, it lasted like 5 mins at most sometimes and it was just a tease and would give me lady blue balls and with each “round” i just became more and more sexually frustrated and never got that release. combine that with feeling insecure about my body and him never showing any interest in being physical or me like that in general, it’s gunna fuck a girl up. and it’s not like i’m looking for crazy acrobatic sex acts, i would just like to be able to like fuck, not make love but fuck, without 5 mins in, him having to finish because he feels like he’s going to have a heart attack at the age of 32. like what? i know i was spoiled with THE ex who would fuck the living daylights out of me every chance he got and was the best i’ve ever had by far (the crazier they are in the brain, the better they are in bed what can i say) but like going from that to a guy who showed like zero interest in doing it at all and said it wasn’t something he thought about or wanted that often... idk somethings wrong there because i should not be made feel like a nympho for wanting sex more than once a week. now was sex the only issue? no lol the list goes on and on and honestly, we just weren’t meant to be and i’m honestly fine with that. i’m not jealous that she’s with him or whatever, i’m jealous that he has someone and i don’t. that’s the bottom line of it. like i didn’t want to like text him when i saw it or like reminisce on the good times so it’s not about him as a person at all, it’s about how single i am and how badly i want to find my person and be happy with them even though the logical side of my brain knows that now is not the time. if someone happens to fall out of thin air and appear in my life, then yes i’m going to pursue it but i don’t think actively looking is the best idea right now until i figure some things out. 

onto the next thing - i never in a million years thought that i would be talking about this or how much this would effect me but the election/trump. in the days leading up to biden winning when we didn’t know who it was going to be, my anxiety had been at an all time high and i knew it was related to that but i didn’t know why. like yes there’s the general he’s a waste of life and a piece of human garbage and having such a mentally fucked up person in charge has already fucked over so many people (the people he put in cages and separated from their families, trying to make abortions illegal again, the inciting of race issues/future wars and just pitting groups against each other and inciting violence, being such a terrible role model in how racist/problematic/rape-y/etc he is, the list goes on and on) but like i could tell it was something more. then out of nowhere a memory that i had suppressed for a few years until now just popped back into my head. it was on my birthday like 3/4 years ago where dani and i were walking home after having like a perfect night and had the perfect buzz going and life was great. until some random guy came up to us on the 3 block walk back to her apartment and i could tell something bad was going to happen but i figured it’d be the usual creepy comments and that would be the end of it. but no he came up and probably said some creepy stuff (not sure, that part of the memory didn’t come back) and then did what trump said he did all the time to women he wanted to have sex with aka “grab them by the pussy” and then as dani and i were running away, he said something along the lines of “what, i just wanted to grab the pussy” or something along those lines, again my memory is a little hazy since now i was just traumatized. but i know for a fact he referenced it in the midst of all of this. if dumbass trump didn’t put that out there and say it’s “okay” to do and not a big deal and just what he does, who knows if this guy would’ve done that at all or said that or some combo of that if he wasn’t influenced by him. maybe all he needed was the “okay” to act on his urges and trump and his comments gave him that so he was like well if the president says he does it and it’s no big deal, then i can do it and that’s how you treat women. so i think that’s why my subconscious was making my anxiety go into a tailspin and into overdrive. so that was an interesting connection that i made and it kinda just put that anxiety into focus and i felt a relief having a “reason” for it because this anxiety made my chest feel tighter than it ever has and like i could only do shallow breaths and even during yoga and meditation/hypnosis i couldn’t get my body to unclench. once biden was announced, i let out an audible sigh of relief and i felt a physical weight lift off my body and it felt so good. but then i realized that it wasn’t fully gone and there was still some left over and that was kind of a bummer but i’m going to focus on the good and that i’m not as “bad” as i was. so yeah, that was an emotional roller coaster ride that i’m not sure i’m fully off of yet but i’m happy it happened because it’s showing that i’m not just numbing my feelings and actually feeling them and not numbing bad feelings or events like this one and actually working through them, which is a huge step forward for me. 

okay i have more to say but it’s almost 8am and i need to start my day. i would say maybe i’ll be back later but we all know that’s not going to happen so see ya when i see ya.