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xlehukax · 4 years

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Start of Something - Tying the Knots (Pt. 4)

-Writing a little series on here as a warm up! In accordance to @orangelegs‘s Hogwarts AU! Updates won’t be on a set time, but they’ll come eventually-

Friday afternoon comes all too quickly. Virgil is not ready. Well, mentally, he knows all of the charms that Flitwick has taught by heart. He’s quite good at them, and that shouldn’t be any issue. Emotionally, though, it's a completely different story. What if he screws up and tells Roman about his crush? What if he makes Roman think he hates him? His mind goes down the “what-if” rabbit hole perpetually on the way to the stands. At this point, more than an hour before the Friendly, there’s not a whole lot of people here. Patton and Logan go over the move books in his commentary tower; a few students practice on the field. Roman’s waiting for him in the stands, and waves him over when he sees.

The walk up the stairs is a torturous one. This could either be my salvation or my destruction, Virgil thinks to himself drily.

“Virgil! Virgil! Hey! I’m so ready for this session! I mean, not ready, I’m terrible at these Charms but also super ready!” Roman shouts as Virgil finally makes it to his level.

“I’m glad you’re ready, because I’m not going easy on you just cuz you’re the star chaser, Princey,” Virgil rebuts. Not bad, not bad.

“‘Princey’? How clever! Because my last name is King or because I’m the prince of this school?” Roman makes a dramatic gesture with his hands. Virgil groans.

“Because you’re a royal pain,” he grumbles. He then plops down next to Roman. It’s the weekend, and he doesn’t have to wear his uniform, so he’s donned his classic black and purple hoodie.

“Haha! Fantastic quip, you stormcloud!” Roman chuckles, “Now, are you proficient at the Banishing Charm?”

“Depulso? Yeah, easy peasy. Did you bring something we can practice on? A dummy or a pot or something?”

“I… uh…” Roman clearly did not think this all through. Virgil sighs, looking around, until he notices a large bucket in the commentator box. Pointing his wand at it, Virgil says clearly:

“Accio bucket.” the bucket launches into his hand. Virgil, internally, is glad that it is such an impressive show of practiced magic, though externally retains a bemused expression as he presents the bucket. Roman’s eyes are as big as platters. Virgil smirks.

“HI VIRGIL! HI ROMAN! ME AND LOGAN ARE LEARNING STRATEGY!” Patton yells from the commentator booth across the way. Roman tears his eyes away from Virgil to return Patton’s animated wave. Virgil gives them a two fingered salute. Logan waves slightly.

“THAT WAS A REALLY GOOD ACCIO, VIRGIL!” Patton compliments, still shouting, from his booth. Virgil shoots him a dry thumbs up, thankful that Patton’s wand wasn’t in his hand to cause him flying over.

“Truly, you are quite good at charms. How did you get so fantastically good?” Roman smiles, a heartbreaker smile, that only enunciates the golden boy persona. Virgil blushes slightly: he hopes Roman doesn’t notice.

“Well, Logan’s really good at all of it, so I asked him when I couldn’t figure something in particular. I guess I’m just naturally good at it,” Virgil shrugs nonchalantly. Roman hums.

“I bet you’re good at everything. Any good at flying?” Roman purrs. Virgil is instantly flustered: so of course, he responds with the only thing he knows well... coldness. He gives him a dark look.

“Hey... maybe we could go flying sometime. I’ll show you some great places-”

“Shouldn’t we get to work?”

Roman’s avoiding tutoring, Virgil figures. He’s making excuses to avoid practicing charms. Maybe his flirtatious banter works on everyone else (and Virgil, if he’s being honest), but Virgil is tough.

“How did you and Pat become friends? I’ve never seen you two together. Are you friends with Deceit?” Roman changes the conversation in an instant. Virgil blinks, swallows nervously. He didn’t think that this question would come up: either of them, and was not prepared whatsoever. He can’t bring himself to refocus Roman.

“What?”

“Patton is friends with Deceit and Remus. Did he not tell you? I don’t approve, but it’s his life he’s squandering hanging out with a snakey boy, so his choice. Wait, are you friends with them too?”

“Uh, no. We’ve err... met, but they are kinda extremely counterintuitive to my anxiety. For a few reasons.”

“Aww, you dark little marshmallow! You have anxiety?” Virgil’s anger flares immediately. Usually he wouldn’t be spilling all of his personal information to any person, let alone his crush, but it’s impossible to hold back when he says it like that. Mental health is no joke. You can’t heal it with a Wiggenweld potion or anything: it has to be taken seriously. Virgil points his finger in Roman’s face.

“It’s a real issue, jerk. Makes my life hard often, not a joke. Panic attacks are terrifying, and living in constant fear of them is no walk in the park either. Even if I want to be friends with them, just knowing that Remus might prank me at any moment is a surefire way to send me into panic attack mode,” Virgil reprimands. He then sets the bucket in front of him. “Cast depulso.”

“I realize that was insensitive, I must apologize-”

“Not the first person who’s teased me- and you won’t be the last. So do me a favor and cast depulso,” Roman bites his lip, a gesture too improper to be deliberate but precious nonetheless, and attempts the spell.

Patton did not say that he was this bad. Roman treats the wand like it’s a sword, waving it in no particular fashion, and pronounces it ‘deep-ilso’ so not only does the spell not work but rather it causes some strange mold to grow over the pot. Roman flushes in embarrassment.

“Wow… you are really bad at Charms. Do you pay attention to class at all?”

“Hey! I miss a lot of classes because of practices! They happen right after, and sometimes I have to leave early! It’s not like it’s going to matter anyway, if I’m going to go into Quidditch right after Hogwarts,” Roman brushes it off easily, the insult rolling off him like water.

“Still, it’s good to know. What if some crazed fan comes up and tries to attack you? This spell could save your life,”

“Ha, that’s true! Tell me what to change then, my best tutor,” Roman holds his hands open for Virgil to instruct.

“Well, you have to make a half circle motion and then flick, not this wavey all around bullshit. That’s some Year One stuff, you’re Roman King, you’re better than that. And it’s pronounced Dee-pulse-ie-oh, not deep-lipso. Watch,”

And, like a little miracle, Roman’s eyes are attentively on Virgil’s form. A thing that he’d never thought could happen… the Roman King is watching Virgil demonstrate how to use the banishing charm. It’s almost enough to make him mess up: but now, can’t have that. The bucket goes shooting away, and Virgil has to accio it back. They spend a little while learning Depulso, and when Roman finally gets it down perfectly he gives Virgil an angelic smile.

Be still, my heart.

“I did it! Look, I did it! Virgil, did you see?” Roman says excitedly. If he pays attention to Roman’s simply adorable bubbly attitude about getting it right any longer, he might do something he regrets.

“I did, you did well! Now, onto the next,” Virgil quickly segways, standing up. “Can you do Finite Incantatem?”

“Uh… maybe?”

“Oh perfect. I can practice my jinxes, and you can try and block them,” Virgil gives Roman a shrewd glance.

“Do you really have to-”

“Flipendo-”

“Expillarmus!” Roman shouts, the spell knocking his wand out of his hand and leaving it to zoom out of his hand and clatter onto the stands. Virgil glares as he picks up his wand. Roman looks sheepish.

“Well, you cast a mean Expillarmus,”

“Yeah, I know- lumos, expelliarmus, and vermillion, those are my best spells,” Roman smiles brightly.

“Two of those are First Year spells,” Virgil points out.

“Well- erm… uh… I got signed up for quidditch my First Year. Didn’t pay attention much: it’s hard for me anyway,” Roman scratches his neck nervously, “Can we try it again? I swear I’ll do the right spell this time if you do a nicer spell. Like Rictusempra, or something,”

“You want me to use the tickling spell on you? Alright, you asked for it. Ready your wand,” Virgil stands in position: Roman breathes deeply.

“Rictusempra!” Virgil casts.

“Finite Incantam- ooh! That tickles!!” Roman giggles, laughing about as he is tickled by the spell. Virgil has to mask a snort at Roman hysterical on the ground. “Stop the spell- ha- stop it, Virgil!”

“Aww, you look so sweet and helpless! I might just leave you like this for a while, hmm,” Virgil hums, resting his head on his hand. Roman squirms around on the wood floor, attempting to cast a glare at Virgil, broken by his incessant laughter at being tickled by magic. It really is quite endearing. After another minute of Roman cackling, Virgil lifts the spell.

“You really needed to see me writhe for that long? You must hate me,” Roman glares at Virgil. He shrugs, though his heart pumps painfully.

“Nope. Just have an appreciation for entertainment,” Virgil smirks. I really, really, don’t hate you.

Please don’t be a Legilimens, is the afterthought.

“Humph. Can we try again? I think I’ll do better this time, knowing that there is something at stake,”

“What’s at stake then?”

“Not being made a fool by you, you villain!”

“Ha, alright,” Virgil shakes his head, “And stop wielding your wand like a sword. It’s not. It’s a wand. If you want a sword, you should be training with Sir Cadogan,” Virgil crosses his arms. Roman gasps in surprise.

“That loud-mouthed painting can get me a sword?! I want a katana! Ooh, or a long elegant rapier! I could be elegant, right Virgil??”

“Suuure you could, Princey,” Virgil playfully rolls his eyes yet again.

“No, I’m serious! If there is ever a threat coming, I’ll protect you with a mighty weapon of the likes of which the world has never seen!”

“Come on, Godric Gryffindor, let’s try the spell again,”

“Fine, alright,”

Taglist (Ask to be added if you’d like!):

@justabsbutler @shaded14space @patton-cake

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sweetcatmintea · 4 years

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A Villain’s Code

Yay! Flash fiction Friday is here again ^u^ Apparently I’m in a kick for superheroes so have a villain monologuing :3c I hope you enjoy it ^u^ Feedback is always appreciated 💜

Flash fiction Friday is run by the lovely folks at @flashfictionfridayofficial

Prompt: Forbidden Knowledge Words: 1210 (so close :v)

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A crack like snapping a chicken wing in two. Blood and stars gush into the air. He’s grinning, waving farewell as her vision blurs. It’s only a moment of black before pain pulses across her face to the beat of her accelerating heartbeat, urging her eyes open again. Dazed as she was, change is immediately obvious. Still high above the bustling city, howling wind all but drowning out the traffic and music below while trying to claw them off the skyscraper, she is no longer hunting her adversary. She has been caught. He towers over her in every sense other than physical, crouching with satisfaction sparking his green eyes. Copper leaks through her teeth like a mouthful of old coins. Her stomach lurches as she turns her head, world momentarily spinning so she can spit a wad of blood out.

“You pistol whipped me? F*ck.” Her nose crackles with each word. “You broke my nose.”

He prods at her face, blood dusted fingers retreating before she could bite down. She regrets the action immediately, pain shooting through her skull. Curses are hissed under breath.

“Don’t be such a baby, Hero. I reset it so it won’t get all crooked and weird.”

His shadow leans over his shoulder and gives a thumbs up, piping in with “Think of it as a free nose job!”

“I got a free concussion.” She twists her hands as subtly as she can, trying to pry them from the shackles binding her in place. There’s barely enough room to move between her spine and the, maintenance box? she’s tethered to.

The man rolls his eyes. “You’ll heal. You’re already looking sprightlier.”

Her glare sends the shadow stumbling back, hiding behind the villain, but the man just laughs. They both know the cuffs are cancelling her powers. He was just messing with her, and when she gets out of this, she’ll repay in full.

“Oops! Forgot about the Cancellers. Guess you’ll have to sit tight and heal the normal way.” He shrugs animatedly.

“So what now? You shoot me and go on your merry way? Give yourself a gold star for killing a hero?” Her heart raced but she had to ignore it. Keep him talking. She’s not ready to die. Not here. Not by his hand. He still had to pay for his crimes. Her fingers squirmed, trying to pull through the metal. Thick fabric made the task near impossible. Her hands were heating up, clammy, cramping, and completely trapped. What the hell had he done? Her gaze flitters to his outfit, another change catching her eye. Her skin crawls with the insinuation. Where were his socks? He doesn’t give her a chance to be disgusted, redirecting her focus with a poke to the forehead, just above the mask.

“Use your head, Hero. Why would I kill you now? It would have been easier to slap those little bracelets on you while you were out of it and just chuck you over the edge.” He chuckles. “Even with your abilities, I doubt you’d survive the fall.”

“Maybe you’re just a sick freak who gets of on torture? Sounds apt to me.”

He presses a hand to his heart, feigning sadness. “You wound me Hero! To think so lowly of your most treasured enemy?! Perish the thought!”

More blood spat to the concrete. Her head keens, body unused to the prolonged agony. “You kill people all the time. Don’t pretend you have morals.”

“Necessary casualties. Believe me, I wouldn’t waste my time parading around for someone I wanted dead. They’d be dead.

Necessary casualties?” He was lucky she was bound. Rage rolls off her in hot waves. “Say that again and I’ll kill you.”

“Perfect Segway, Princess!” The shadow pops back up, reads the room, and immediately hides again.

“Exactly what I wanted to talk to you about!” Ignoring the animosity oozing from the trapped hero, the villain plops down, sitting legs crossed in front of her. “I’m not going to kill you.”

She scoffs.

“Not today. Not tomorrow. Never. Not purposefully anyway. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. Scheming, looking at the big picture, it’s kind of my thing. Point being, there will always be another hero. I could kill out and someone else will always be there to take your place. Just like you did for the last one. You could kill me, and another villain will rise from my ashes. Over and over ad nauseum. I’ve killed hero after hero after hero. I’ve killed villains over and over. No matter the action, it always ends up the same way. A hero and a villain. The books need to be balanced. What’s the point in killing you?”

The wind whips his black hair around his face. There’s an earnestness there. Search as she might, she can’t find a hidden agender or some secret wickedness in his expression. It makes her stomach churn and she’s not sure why. Maybe how human he looks.

“Y’know? He laughs, carefree, almost like a schoolboy. “I think we could have been friends once. If you weren’t so morally anal, that is. Don’t bother with the ‘I’d never be your friend!’ spiel. I know. Regardless of your emotions towards me, Hero, I do like you. I’m not going to kill you. I’ll fight you, I’ll knock you flat on you’re a** whenever you swoop in to “save the day” but I will not be the cause of your death.”

“Why are you telling me this?? It doesn’t change anything.”

“A villain has to monologue. You know that. Hmm, but think of it as imparting some forbidden knowledge. A taste of the apple, if you will. If I won’t kill you, you can’t kill me. This is a waltz that lasts forever, Hero.”

“If it stops you, it’s justified.” Taking a life was not a crossroads she had yet to come to. She wasn’t sure she could, but he didn’t need to know that.

“Is it? You’d kill a man in cold blood? I thought you were the were the good guy.”

“It’s different if you’re harming civilians.”

“Can you really justify it though? Using deadly force on someone who you know would never hurt you that badly? I’m many things, a liar isn’t one of them. Would you tell yourself it’s self-defence as you pull the trigger I refuse to touch?”

Sirens scream below, gathering at the hero’s silence.

“Well, my dear Hero, it looks like the curtain is closing. Despite our disagreeances, I truly hope that in that pinnacle moment when you have the crosshairs on me and finger on the trigger, you see what I see and join me. There’s no guarantee the next villain won’t be worse than me. For now, I will take my leave for the night. That whole hurrah with the bank was just to arrange this little heart to heart of ours. I will be keeping the notes though. Adieu~”

“I’m not done! Come back and face me!!”

“No thank you.”

“If it means peace, I will kill you!”

His laugh echoes across the roof.

“Then it will be a delightful show, the hero out for blood chasing the villain who refuses to kill. I wonder who the spectators would root for?”

—

Tag List

@snobbysnekboi, @inkovert, @kainablue, @i-rove-rock-n-roll, and @goblin-writer

#writing #writblr #Flash Fiction Friday #mentions of blood #story #short story #fff38 #superheroes #hero #villain #hero vs villain #I wish my brain was less empty lately. It would have been a lot of fun to get into the meat of this idea #Oh well it was still fun to write

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jeanvaljean24601 · 4 years

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Killer Camp's Gory Eliminations Are Goddamn Works of Art

That All Reality Shows Can Learn FromReality competition television as an art form has evolved little in the years since it first exploded onto small screens, because it hasn't had to. The idea of starting with a pool of participants and eliminating them one by one each week fits snugly into television's episodic format today just as well as it did when it was introduced with the Swedish series Expedition Robinson (which would later become the model for Survivor) in 1997. Each week, someone is declared a loser and ousted from the show until there is only a champion left. There's nothing left to improve on. Of course, the circumstances around the core idea of weekly eliminations may have changed in shows over the years. Some have gotten more pleasant (thank you, Great British Baking Show) while others have gotten cattier (an extra special thank you, Instant Hotel). Some come with broken financial dreams ("You're fired!," a mean, disgusting old man used to blurt out on The Apprentice) while some come with broken hearts (any black SUV ride away from The Bachelor/-ette/in Paradise). And some eliminations aren't of major consequence (see: Jennifer Hudson placing seventh on Season 3 of American Idol) while others can literally save lives (see: History's Alone). The Best Reality Competition Shows to Watch on NetflixBut one thing remains essential with reality competition shows that will never change: The elimination itself. It is the only thing that truly matters about the genre (and if you disagree, you are probably one of those weirdos who watches the Olympics "for the stories"). It is the spectacle that everything else in the show builds up to. It is the driving force behind the meme-able behavior that we lap up the next day. It's the reliable climax that rewards an hour of your invested time. The way shows have captured these moments varies, from the sorrowful, almost regretful "You've been chopped" of Chopped, to the torch being symbolically snuffed out at a tribal council on Survivor, but no show — with apologies to Total Blackout's farewell to contestants involving a trap door that suddenly opens, sending losers to the basement of Universal Studios or wherever it's filmed — has rightfully captured the moment of elimination like The CW's new series Killer Camp. To go right into explaining how Killer Camp eliminates its contestants without explaining Killer Camp itself would be irresponsible, so here it is. At first look, Killer Camp is more spackle for The CW's porous summer schedule, an import from England's ITV that will occupy a slot for a month before it's probably forgotten for good, but it's remarkably fun for desperate filler. Modeled after slasher summer camp movies like Friday the 13th, Killer Camp buses in archetypes — the jock, the vegan, the flirt, the nerd, etc. — to a lakefront summer camp where they participate in dumb games to gain advantages in the overarching game. They think they're there for summer camp fun, but they're quickly told about the twist: There's a Jason Vorhees-like serial killer on the loose, and one of the the contestants is secretly mind-controlling him and will be killing off the competition one bye one. Everyone else has to figure out who the secret mastermind is before he/she kills everyone, and the hot ones flirt with each other. It's The Mole meets Survivor meets Love Island by way of Sleepaway Camp 2, and thanks to the show knowing how utterly ridiculous it is, it's surprisingly entertaining, especially when it comes to eliminations. In keeping with the tone of the show, losers aren't just told they've been cast off, they're MURDERED. A hooded figure known as the Handyman, under the control of the mystery contestant who controls him, KILLS THEM. Well, with the help of television effects. But it's brilliant, and it's something every single reality competition show can learn from. Killer CampPhoto: 2020 Tuesday's Child Television I've got some spoilers for the first episode coming, but nothing specific to who was eliminated, so read with caution. During the elimination ceremony, everyone left alive gathers around a campfire — some in cheerleader uniforms and letterman jackets, natch — where the host, a goofy American who is clearly on a few adult kickball teams based on his unshaven face and intense energy, lets those on the chopping block know that they're needed elsewhere for some ridiculous activity. For example, in the premiere, two contestants who had a rough go of it go on moonlit Segway rides (absolutely preposterous and perfect), and the host turns their adventure into a scary ghost story he tells the survivors.The Best Shows and Movies to Watch This Week: P-Valley, the New Psych MovieThe entire production changes moods for the campfire story, shifting from sunny summer camp reality show to dark, foggy horror movie. We see glimpses of the Handyman stringing barbed wire between two trees at head level, and the suspense builds as the riders, blissfully unaware (or at least playfully pretending to be), steer their embarrassing pseudo-scooters toward the wire. The host builds tension with some "Who's it going to be?" verbiage, and we're shown who it's going to be as the loser rides into the wire, cartoonishly lopping off their head while a geyser of their red essence shoots into the sky and a prosthetic head drops to the ground. "Blood spurted from their neckhole like ketchup being squeezed by a fat child!" the host screams excitedly. It is the greatest elimination ceremony in the history of elimination ceremonies, and captures everything Killer Camp strives to be: goofy, ridiculous, and fun. h96 max x3There are no exit interviews, no follow-ups, no goodbye hugs from other contestants. The finality of it all is staggering. They are, for all intents and purposes, dead. It is the ultimate elimination, beautifully reproducing the dispensable feeling of slasher-film victims, and transplanting that feeling to reality competition losers. Because what else is a reality competition show than survival of the fittest? h96 max tv boxKiller Camp premieres Thursday, July 16 at 8/7c on The CW. (Disclosure: TV Guide is owned by CBS Interactive, a division of ViacomCBS.)

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mythanklessexistence · 4 years

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Kool Skool (01) Teriyaki Asthma Session

Mythanklessexistence.tumbler.com – Session(1)

I found Chuck, freshman year at college. We had a bunch of things in common… skating, skiing, surfing, mountain biking and most importantly the love of PUNK ROCK!!! Thank GOD!!! Millersville was quite a cultural black hole, back in the late 80’s. We ditched our roommates after Christmas Break and first thing ya know, Chuck and I are settling in to our cave of a dorm room. That’s when he started getting tapes sent to him, from his High School best friend, who went to the University of Washington in Seattle. It was a direct link into the Seattle music scene. Live & Direct... from his record collection, radio air tapes he recorded for us from local DJ radio shows, and even occasional freebie samplers direct from Seattle!! What?. By 1988/89 I wanted everything that came out of that arena… Sub Pop, Am-Rep, Estrus, C/Z, Glitterhouse, 1/ 4 Stick, Boner, Touch & Go, Alternative Tentacles, etc… what an era for original music. Especially as eclectic music scenes where co-existing and erupting all around the country!

That was how I met Bill Tormas, after venturing into his seminal Lancaster, PA record store – Web of Sound. He was very curious about how we knew so much about that scene, as he too was just discovering it and bringing in everything, he could for the store… it was a truly amazing experience, trust me. There isn’t a scenester in that town that doesn’t owe a debt of gratitude to that man. He was the first. He was the first one that went through that proverbial BRICK-WALL of Mennonite/Amish/PA Dutch conservative thick-headedness. But damn was he cool and did he have an ear, head and taste for music and people!! He could talk a douchey rich dude into being a juke box 45 collector to the must fuzzed out stoner dude$30 imports and everything in between. He was sweet too – really cared about your experience with music and he was quite the gateway!!

Most of these singles where purchased around that era at his shop. Some I just drooled at and had to hunt down once I got some cash in my pocket. So… KOOL SKOOL is sort of me recreating Bill’s distinctive “The Web” experience in honor of that great store, man and musical era!! Sharing tunes, I enjoy and think you may have interest in, and then following the spider web out of the C/Z arena into its web of connections throughout the scenes across the country of that era.

Tonight, we started with the second release in the Teriyaki Asthma 7” Vinyl series. ALERT – this entire series is available on a CD, or Vinyl LP collection – check it out here, I love Discogs, but I Really Love record stores (Shop Local): https://www.discogs.com/Various-Teriyaki-Asthma-Vols-I-V/master/41161

VOLUME II starts us off with Amorphous Head, playing Lonely Lonely and Hullabaloo with, Kill your Parents. Next, we threw VOLUME Four on the deck and played one of the iconic tracks from this series – Alice Donut’s, Mrs Hayes… I can still remember the first time Bill played this song for me – SOLD. He brought them to the Chameleon shortly after this for a “Business Person’s Special” Friday Night early show, that just BLEW the doors off the place, making us all fans. The 2nd song is of equal caliber – it’s Gwym by Vexed. Then it’s back to the OG platter – TE Vol II for the second side with Pitbull Babysitter’s – The Head Talks Cheese b/w Hold On, by My Name. What a killer side this is too!! Back to deck two and TE Vol Four for one of the unsung heroes of that scene and era – Icky Joey for Josephine b/w God’s Acre – Wood. Seriously check out some of the other God’s Acre releases for some real strong recordings of the scene and it’s sound.

Moving on, we throw down Teriyaki Asthma Vol VI with one of Seattle’s most obnoxious punk/noise bands – The Thrown Ups with Walrus Head. Def a must check out, is some of the Thrown Ups stuff on Am-Rep. The second song is also one that Bill turned me onto when he first pointed out Olivelawn, back when they first hit the shelves. Freaking A, are they awesome!! Key to the band in my mind is the ensuing friendship and sheer brilliance of Eddie Glass, from Fu Manchu and in later in my world – Nebula. Several times they came to the area and played shows in York and Baltimore with my band PORTER. I really loved my time spent with those dudes. Nebula’s drummer, Ruben is definitely one of the top five drummers born out of that era – if not thee best and a real great dude!! Hope someday to get to Cali and share some tasty waves with him and my new friend Ben a pretty good surfer from Cali, I met via Puerto Rico and my nieces wedding back in February.

So that’s when we started a run on Olivelawn 7” ‘s. First went the 1990 ish release from insta-noise records with Side A featuring: Instant Punk Rock Song and b/w a killer tune – Mom’s Farm. Mixed in on the other deck was the Nemesis 7” with The Cat’s Meow and another version of Mom’s Farm.

That slab was followed by another Olivelawn – Nemesis release – 4 is greater than 2 and the tunes Whale Finger & Signed DC. The last disc in the Olivelawn tribute is the Sympathy for the Record Industry 1991 release of the tune – Beautiful Feeling on side A and Carvin is the Devil’s Paintbrush as the B-Side. That Olivelawn jag end by taking us back to the TA Vol VI record for the Pain-Teens with Come Up and See Me Sometime, b/w with a great tune from Unrest entitled – Caitlin Bums(?)

So I’m not exactly sure where the Instagram Live shut down, so the rest of my original set included the Teriyaki Asthma Vol. VII with it’s A-Side of Poster Children’s, It’s True and Hammerbox’s, Promise to Never. The B-Side has two killer voices of the “Indy Rock” scene that was starting to filter over into the punk & noise scene, Superchunk with the rocking tune, Sister and the lovely band – Tsunami. Since the moment I first heard the first note and beat from this band. I was in love!! Just awesome!!! Their tune Punk Means Cuddle was to be the Segway into a Tsunami jag with their Simple Machines release with the tunes: Flameproof Suit, World Tour and Ski Trip on the A Side. The B Side has Kickball Babe w/Candyman.

I hope you enjoyed checking out these records as much as I enjoyed collecting and listening to them. Thanks for the memories, for sure!! Buy more Porn Orchard records… seriously!!!! See ya round…

#CZRecords BJBurlyB MyThanklessExistence KoolSkool Punk VinylDJ NoiseRock Seattle Grunge LancasterPA YorkPA ReadingPA PhillyPA

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whentommymetalfie · 6 years

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To live a life -chapter two

A/N: The second chapter is here. This one’s a bit of a segway, but we’re getting into some of the comfort now. but first: more angst

Chapter one

Story summary: Tommy is gravely injured in an accident, and Alfie struggles to keep himself from falling apart as he’s left to deal with the aftermath.

When Tommy eventually wakes up, they set out on a dwindling road to recovery.

Pairing: Alfie/Tommy

Warnings: Hospitalization, descriptions of injury

Read on AO3

Alfie’s heart has developed the habit of stopping for a moment every time the phone rings. So he almost hangs up again in pure frustration when it’s just Arthur on the other end.

Arthur starts talking before he can even express his annoyance.

“How about you come over for dinner Friday? John’s coming too. With the whole lot. Finn and Isaiah might swing by-“ Arthur rambles. Alfie can only pick up bits and pieces. “Think it’d do you good. Getting out of the house, you know. Charlie might like it too.”

Alfie is about to say no. Because how can he do such a normal fucking thing? But then he catches a glimpse of Charlie outside the window, running around the lawn as Edith chases him. He thinks of that drawing…

For Charlie’s sake, he has to try.

“Yeah. Yeah, sure. Think he’d like seeing his cousins.”

And so, they end up at Arthur and Linda’s house.

Alfie dreads it, beforehand. Thinks it’ll be a whole affair; John making inappropriate jokes because he can’t handle the situation. Linda just being… Linda. That they’ll look at him strangely, not know what to say… And sure, there’s a bit of that, to start off with. Alfie has sort of forgotten how to be around other people. How to pull himself out of his thoughts and interact with them.

They talk about Tommy for a while. But there’s not much that hasn’t been said already. It’s the one thing they talk about, over and over again. When meeting in the hospital corridor. It’s a fucking draining subject, because there’s never anything new to say.

So eventually, conversation moves to other things. Some sort of defense mechanism, probably. There’s only so much gray misery a person can take.

They slip into something that just feels so incredibly fucking normal. It’s boisterous and mildly chaotic and there are moments when Alfie sinks into it so completely that he forgets about everything else… He even laughs a few times, and the sound is so unfamiliar to his own ears that he barely understands it’s him making it.

Later, when he carries a sleeping Charlie out to their car, he realises he still has something akin to a smile on his face.

It’s not until he’s put Charlie to bed and goes into his and Tommy’s bedroom, when he sees the empty bed, that it fully dawns on him again: There’s no Tommy there waiting for him.

The guilt twists his stomach so hard it almost knocks the air from his lungs, and he sinks down onto the mattress, resting his head in his hands. How the fuck can he sit by a table and listen to Arthur ramble about the fucking deer gnawing at his apple trees, when Tommy’s lying alone in a hospital bed? Just fading away a little bit more with each passing day?

How can they behave as if- as if this is normal?

As if anything will ever be normal again?

As if anything will ever be alright again.

Right then, he’s so fucking sick of himself and the world and fucking everything that he wishes he could crawl out of his own skin.

But he can’t. So he just sits there, on the cold empty fucking bed. Staring into the darkness.

…

Then one day, the call actually is from the hospital.

Just a fucking call, from one of the nurses, informing him that Tommy has woken up. She says it in a bright, and somehow far too normal voice, and has to repeat the words several times before they sink in. Alfie drops the earpiece to let it dangle as he rushes out the door.

He curses himself the entire way to the hospital.

Tommy is unconscious again when he arrives, and he deflates completely, slumping down on the chair next to the bed, and reaching out to take his hand.

“Sorry I wasn’t here, love,” he sighs and runs a thumb over his knuckles. “Didn’t know you’d just decide to wake up. Maybe you could’ve.. Don’t know, given me a bit of a sign or something? Moved your hand a little the other day.”

Tommy’s eyelashes flutter and he opens his eyes slowly, blinking up at the ceiling.

“Tommy?” Alfie squeezes the hand gently, the smile stretching on his face feeling absolutely fucking alien by now. He wants to reach out and run a hand over his cheek, but all the metal makes it impossible. Tommy just stares blankly at the ceiling. Then his gaze shifts to Alfie. But there’s no spark in the eyes. Just this… emptiness.

Alfie inches the chair a little closer, holds Tommy’s hand between both of his own and squeezes it. It remains is completely still. He squeezes a bit harder. Too hard. It should hurt. But there isn’t even the tiniest flinch in Tommy’s face.

Letting go of the hand again, Alfie sinks back in his chair. Closes his eyes as he tries to swallow down the nausea. He has to just breathe for a moment. Breathe and not be here. Not face this.

The surroundings become a blur after that. He just sits in the midst of it all and lets it happen.

The doctor is suddenly there, asking Tommy questions. “Do you remember your name? Where you are? What year it is?” Simple things. But Tommy’s eyes remain utterly lifeless. He can see, the doctor tells Alfie. That’s not the problem. He’s just not thereyet. Not completely.

What the fuck does that even mean?

The doctor insists that it’s a good thing, despite all of that. A good sign.

Tommy falls back asleep just a few minutes later, remaining unconscious for the rest of the day.

When Alfie makes the drive back home, all he can think about is how lifeless those eyes looked. How there was nothing of his Tommy left in them.

He has to stop the car by the side of the road, and barely makes it out before he’s vomiting his guts out onto the gravel.

…

He in a strange state of absolute numbness for a few days.

Once that initial flicker of happiness at seeing Tommy open his eyes dies down, there’s just a void in its place. Alfie thinks that maybe one of those wires in his head finally snapped completely. Maybe that’s why he’s just feeling… nothing.

He more or less lives at the hospital. Spends entire days by Tommy’s bedside, holding his hand, trying to speak to him. Fucking hell if he’s not going to sit by that bed every single day until- until something fucking happens.

Tommy stays awake for a little longer each day, but never emerges from that fog his mind seems to be caught in. They keep him on high doses of morphine to combat the pain, and the room is always dark. Because the light hurts him. Loud noises hurt him. Everything fucking hurts him. Alfie doesn’t dare to talk much, keeping his voice to a mutter whenever Tommy turns his eyes to him. Hoping to get through to him.

He never does.

Outside, the sun has finally thawed the ground completely, and the whole world seems to be coming back to life. Compared to that, the room feels increasingly like a separate reality.

Alfie almost can’t bear going there on some mornings. Then he remembers the black and white photograph on his nightstand. So he goes. To look into those eyes that are the same colour as Tommy’s, but still not his.

Sometimes he thinks he can see an accusatory shadow in those eyes as they stare blankly at some undetermined spot over his shoulder, too large in the gaunt face.

“You have to promise you won’t let me waste away in some hospital bed. Promise-”

The words gnaw at him.

Then, one day, a tired nurse forgets the bottle of morphine on the nightstand. An entire bottle. Alfie stares at it. For a moment, he wonders if this is how God has decided to answer his incessant prayers. A merciful way out.

It wouldn’t hurt.

Tommy is gazing listlessly at the ceiling.

It wouldn’t take long.

Alfie could hold him.

He could hold him and it wouldn’t hurt and-

He stares at the bottle. For seconds that melt into minutes and an absolute eternity. And then he gets out of the chair, his heart beating wildly in his chest. Out of the chair and out of the room, escaping from the bleak walls and the clinical smell. Has to get as far away as possible-

Some part of his brain still capable of logic tells him he shouldn’t be driving, but that’s easy to ignore.

The stable yard is empty when he stops the car in the middle of it, the usual bustle having died down for the night. A sense of peace has replaced it and the light spring evening is enveloping everything in blue mist.

He feels oddly detached from his own body as he wanders aimlessly over the premises, letting his feet carry him wherever. Searching for something, without knowing what. Just needs to keep moving.

He ends up in his and Tommy’s office. The building is large enough to accommodate two, several of them really. But after so many years of sharing the one in Camden, it would’ve felt odd to suddenly split. And Alfie’s used to looking up every once in a while to rest his eyes on Tommy.

Tommy keeps photos on his desk now. Of him. Charlie. They’ve slowly accumulated over the years, starting with just a single one hidden among the pages of his calendar and increasing in number. Now they all have frames.

Alfie stands there, staring down at the papers neatly piled on the blotter. Very different from his own desk, which is always a ‘fucking mess’. No wonder you’re always losing things. How would you even get by without me?

The calendar is splayed open, filled with Tommy’s neat handwriting. Meetings, important dates… He’s got all the holidays written in there. And Charlie’s birthday. Alfie’s. Their anniversary. Alfie was the first one to mark that in a calendar, several years ago, by drawing a large circle that cut off Tommy’s carefully written letters. For fucks sake, Alfie! I would’ve remembered anyway. Just look at this? It’s covering half the page!

The next anniversary, Tommy circled the date himself. Alfie teased him and earned himself a glare that didn’t fade until he pulled Tommy down onto his lap and mercilessly tickled him and-

And how-

How is he supposed to live without him?

The hole in his chest where that odd numbness has settled is suddenly filled raw pulsating heat, bursting up from it. Blind and pitch black rage. His hands grasp for something to throw, closing around one of the picture frames.

Can’t bear to look at it. Any of it.

Because Tommy isn’t here. He’s lying in a hospital bed, slowly withering away before his eyes-

And Alfie promised-

The table lamp, a ledger- anything that he can get his hands on ends up thrown across the room.

How the fuck could Tommy ask that of him?

How could he leave him with all of this?

With no fucking way out.

And how is he supposed to live without him?

Finally, there’s nothing left. Nothing that’s whole or worth breaking; but the anger is still fucking burning in his chest and it’s ripping a hole through his fucking ribcage and he can’t- can’t do this-

He buries his face in his hands and screams.

Digs his nails into his scalp, clutches at his skull and just fucking screams and screams until his throat his raw. Then, the tears finally come. The scream dissolves into wordless sobs and he slides down onto the floor, back leaned against the bookcase.

And he cries.

…

There are voices in the distance. Talking to each other, seemingly. Too low to be addressing him. Alfie wishes they’d just shut the fuck up and take their conversation elsewhere…

He only catches little bits and pieces.

“-don’t know, I found the car when I got here this morning…” That’s May. What the fuck is she doing in his and Tommy’s bedroom? “-didn’t know who to call-“

But this isn’t their bedroom- didn’t make it home last night-

“Yeah, don’t worry. I’ll take care of it.”

Besides, he’s sitting on a fucking hardwood floor. Over which steps are now approaching.

“Morning, mate! Figured you’d do some redecorating?” Arthur. Fucking brilliant. “Looks like shit. You should probably let Tommy take care of it from here on.” A pair of knees knock against his as Arthur crouches down. Alfie kicks out one leg aimlessly, but misses of course.

“Sod off.”

“Sure, but you’re coming along.”

When Arthur grabs his arm, Alfie feels forced to open his eyes. The light streaming in through the window pricks them like needles and he promptly squeezes his eyelids shut again. He presses his back against the bookcase, the firm surface grounding him somewhat as a shelf digs painfully into his shoulder blades.

“Here. Know you’re not much of a drinker, but this feels like the right time for an exception.” Arthur very rudely bumps something cold and metallic against his forehead and Alife opens his eyes again to glare at the flask. “Go on.”

“Just fuck off Arthur,” he grunts and considers shoving him. But what would the fucking point be? He lets his arms fall limply at his sides instead.

The destruction in the office looks worse in daylight. Broken glass, ripped papers, furniture that’s been tipped over-

“Alright, here’s the deal,” Arthur sighs, still holding the flask obnoxiously close to his face. “Either you take a swig of this, get up on your feet and come with me. Or, I’ll bash you over the head with something and fucking drag you out to the car.”

For some reason, Alfie gets the feeling this isn’t an empty threat.

The whiskey burns as it slides down his throat, rousing him slightly, and when Arthur hooks a hand under his arm and pulls, Alfie staggers to his feet.

He numbly follows as Arthur takes the lead out of the office building, walking briskly towards Alfie’s car. The stable yard is full of the usual activity, and it feels so fucking odd, being in the midst of it suddenly. Alfie tries to focus on just putting one foot in front of the other

“How the fuck did you get here?” he mutters and looks around in search of Arthur’s car.

“I walked. You do realise I live half an hour away? And it’s a nice morning. Figured that if you’d been sitting in that office all night, a few minutes longer wouldn’t hurt you. Even though May was in a bit of a state when she called.”

Not completely aware of his surroundings, Alfie almost walks straight into the lanky figure crossing the yard. Suddenly, he’s stood staring into a pair of wide eyes.

The reaction is abrupt and instinctive, like a jolt of electricity running through his veins. His hands move on their own accord, grabbing Jasper by the collar and nearly lifting him off his feet by it.

“What the fuck are you still doing here?”

They boy just stares at him, eyes impossibly large as he grasps at Alfie’s wrists with bony fingers.

“Alfie, fucking leave it,” Arthur calls out, already approaching him over the gravel. But he stops when Alfie directs a look at him.

Jasper swallows, wetting his lips. “I- I’m sorry about what happened.”

Letting out a cackle that sounds manic even to his own ears, Alfie clenches his hands until his knuckles whiten and he can feel his pulse thumping under the skin of his palms.

“You’re sorry, yeah?” he grits out. “Fucking sorry. Good. That’s good. See, we should of course be sorry, right? When we fuck up so badly that we get someone’s skull cracked open.” Jasper winces a little when some spittle lands on his cheek. “Being sorry is the appropriate reaction, innit? Yeah, the man I’ve shared my fucking life with for ten years is lying in a hospital bed, staring into some endless void. As if his head’s just full of blood and broken fucking shards.” He takes a shaky breath in through his nose. “But you’re sorry. So it’s all fine-“

The boy is completely frozen in fear. Reminds him so much of that day –petrified, unable to even listen to a simple command.

Let go of the fucking reins.

“Alfie, let him go.” May’s voice comes from his side, where she’s silently appeared. “It was an accident.”

Alfie bores his eyes into Jasper who stares back, eyes still wide and full of fear.

“I’m sorry,” he sniffs.

He’s just a fucking kid… Can’t be older than… seventeen.

Yeah, but Charlie… Charlie is a kid. And maybe Tommy won’t be around to see even his fifth birthday.

May comes a bit closer. He can see her out of the corner of his eye, slowly reaching out.

Alfie lets him go abruptly and Jasper staggers backwards, panting. He stares at the ground, at the sack he’s dropped there. “I’m so sorry,” he repeats. “I know it’s not- that it’s not enough, but- but I’m sorry.”

“Jasper, go and give Aristides his food,” May tells him firmly, and he’s quick to hoist up the sack with shaking arms and hurry off across the yard.

Alfie is left with a racing pulse throbbing against his temple and hands clenched into fists, watching his retreating back.

“He lives alone with his sick mother and four younger siblings,” May says. “Work isn’t easy to come by out here.” She pauses, as if expecting a response. Alfie doesn’t give her one. “It was a mistake. And yes, it was a bad one. But that’s all it was. A mistake.”

A mistake. Yeah. Sure. But there are mistakes you’re not allowed to make.

Alfie turns to face her, and she squares her jaw as she crosses her arms over her chest.

“If Tommy never… wakes up,” he begin slowly. “Fucking, actually wakes up... If he can never talk again. If he doesn’t remember me. Doesn’t remember Charlie. And has to spend the rest of his life in a fucking hospital bed-” His eyes slip to the stable, but Jasper has disappeared from view. “Then I don’t think he can keep working here.” May’s gaze is unwavering as he meets it. “Because I might end up shooting him.”

Nodding, May lets her arms fall to her sides.

Alfie turns and marches towards the car, Arthur coming to walk alongside him and sliding into the driver’s seat before he can protest. Climbing into the passenger seat, Alfie demonstratively turns to look out the window.

The entire ride is spent in silence.

It’s not until Arthur stops outside his and Tommy’s house that he speaks up.

“You need to stay at home for a few days,” he states, as if he’s got any kind of authority to be giving orders. “I’ll go to the hospital today. Talk to the others and make sure they visit too. He won’t be alone. But you need to fucking rest.”

“Fuck off.”

Arthur shakes his head slowly, giving him a tired look.

“Take a fucking look at yourself, mate,” he sighs. “You’ll end up killing someone. Yourself, probably. I know it’s fucking hard alright-“

“Don’t give me that shit,” Alfie scoffs. “The fuck do you know? It’s not Linda lying in that bed is it?”

Slamming his hands against the steering wheel, Arthur stares at him, eyes suddenly wide as he draws a sharp breath.

“No. But it’s my fucking brother. You’re not the only one- the only one who’s fucking worried.”

For a moment, Alfie wonders if Arthur will punch him.

For a moment, he wants him to.

But then Arthur’s shoulders sag and he slumps against the back of the seat. His voice has lost all its strength when he speaks again.

“He’s- he’s my little brother, isn’t he?” He rubs a hand over his mouth. “You know, I still think of him like that. Always liked that, I did, being a big brother. Remember how proud I felt when our mum showed him to me for the first time. He was this tiny, tiny little thing.” Letting out a shaky laugh, he holds up his hands to illustrate. “Could’ve fit in a shoebox. And I felt so fucking proud, being an older brother. Sure, spent a lot of time fucking it up. But... yeah, I still think it’s one of my finer qualities.”

Alfie’s about to say that he’s definitely improved in this area over the years, but Arthur hasn’t finished.

“I know it’s not the same,” he continues. “Fuck, of course I do. Because what you have- yeah, I get it. Not the same.” Arthur’s eyes have gone suspiciously dewy. “He’s going to snap out of this. And then he’s going to need you.” He stares out the car window at a tree branch, as if that branch is the most interesting thing in the entire fucking world. “Tommy’s never needed anyone the way he needs you. So you can’t run yourself into the ground. Alright?”

A bird has landed on the branch, giving Arthur even more of a reason to stare at it. Alfie in turn looks down at his hands, twisting the ring on his left ring finger a few times.

“Yeah. Yeah, alright. No need to get all emotional.”

That earns him a sharp elbow in the side. Arthur straightens up in his seat again with renewed energy.

“Brilliant. So, now you’re going into that house. To your son and your stupid fucking giant dog and you’re staying there for a few days,” he says, nodding towards the house. “Maybe go for a walk. And Friday, you’re coming to dinner again. Alright? Or I’ll grab John and Finn and we’ll fucking barge in and drag you there.”

“Finn? Really?” Alfie snorts, trying to imagine Finn doing anything even remotely violent “That’s your threat?”

“Fine. I’ll ask Esme.”

“Sod off.”

Arthur climbs out of the car and Alfie does the same, fighting back the urge to just fall asleep in the passenger seat. Giving his back a firm pat, Arthur shakes his head, blinking a suspicious amount of times as he stares at that branch again. The bird is gone. The hand lingers on Alfie’s shoulder.

“Just so we’re clear, my statement still stands. Said it all those years ago and I’ll say it again, I don’t fucking like you.”

“I don’t fucking like you either, mate.” Alfie stares at another branch in the opposite direction. It’s blurry, for some indiscernible fucking reason. He blinks to clear his eyes from the dust that must’ve gotten caught there. “In fact, I hope you fall into some fucking hole on your way home. Get eaten by a starved fox that John’s failed to shoot. Place must be crawling with those. Because he’s a lousy fucking shot, isn’t he?”

Arthur slaps his back again, quite hard.

“Ten fucking years I’ve put up with this. A fucking miracle if there ever was one,” he grunts, before beginning his walk down the gravel road. “See you Friday. I’ll even make sure it’s all kosher and shit,” he calls over his shoulder.

Alfie goes inside.

And the next day, he stays at home. Bakes bread for Charlie and takes him on a long walk with Cyril.

For three days he doesn’t go to the hospital.

But then Charlie asks about it as Alfie tucks him in one night: When they can go visit together.

“Soon, love.” Alfie smiles, but it’s starting to feel so strange… like he’s forgotten how to do it properly. Charlie frowns.

“You always say soon.”

Alfie thinks of that drawing. The small figure on the cloud…

Charlie deserves to see Tommy. No matter how heartbroken it’ll leave him.

“How about tomorrow, we start on a drawing. And then we draw a little each day.” He picks up Charlie’s tiny hand. “How many fingers have you got?”

“Five!”

“Yeah, that’s right. Five. And… let’s say in five days, we go and give the drawing to papa. How does that sound?”

Charlie is quite pleased with this answer, and immediately begins planning on what to draw. Something with horses, because papa likes those. Daddy should be in the picture too, and Charlie and Cyril of course-

When Alfie lies in bed later, he feels something hot and wet trail down his cheeks. The sadness is back in its usual spot in his chest, where that numb, hollow feeling has been residing.

He doesn’t bother wiping the tears away. There’s no fucking point-

No fucking point to anything anymore-

It feels like he’s missing- fuck, like half his body is missing. Not just a missing limb, but a missing lung and heart and brain and he can’t think without Tommy. For ten years he’s been able to share everything with him. Every little stupid idea and thought that passes by in his head…

He feels so alone that he can’t fucking bear it.

Large paws come padding across the hardwood floor, and the mattress shifts under Cyril’s weight as the dog settles on the bed. Not at the foot of it, where he usually curls up, but on Tommy’s side.

“Yeah, you just lie there at your own risk, alright,” Alfie sniffs. Cyril raises his head and licks him in the face. Straight across. And somehow, he laughs a bit through the tears. “Tommy will be fucking pissed at you for getting hair all over the sheets. And I’ll be the one hearing it, won’t I?”

Cyril just pants and slobbers a bit more on his face, before settling heavily right next to him with a pleased sigh.

Alfie reaches out to scratch him behind the ears. And he decides that tomorrow… Tomorrow he’ll go to the hospital again. He’ll go, and he’ll bring one of Tommy’s favourite books and he’ll read to him.

...

He informs Edith of this decision as he passes her in the kitchen the following morning.

“Alright.” She looks up from the kettle, eyes narrowing, and her voice has a definite edge to it when she adds, “But you’re coming home tonight.”

What does it say about him, that he chooses to surround himself with people like this?

“Yeah. I’m coming home tonight.”

Giving a curt nod, Edith goes back to making tea.

Tommy is asleep when he comes into the room. It makes it a little easier. He looks a bit healthier that way. A bit more peaceful.

When Alfie reaches out and takes his hand, his eyelids twitch. The quick reaction should incite some hope, but it’s- fuck, he’s so tired.

“Hey there, love. Sorry about the cold hands. Really shitty weather out today,” he mutters and tries to smile. “And sorry I haven’t been here, either. For a few days. But I’m here now, alright? Brought a book and everything.”

Tommy blinks and turns his eyes towards Alfie. A tiny crease appears between his eyebrows and he blinks a few more times.

And suddenly he’s not looking through him anymore, but at him. Alfie’s heart makes a leap in his chest, high enough to catch at the back of his throat and cut his breathing off completely. And the hand shifts the tiniest bit, the fingers squeezing weakly around his.

“Tommy, love, can you hear me? You there?”

Tommy smiles, the grip tightening the slightest bit. The smile is not much more than a twitch at the corner of his mouth, but there’s a glimmer of recognition in his eyes. Life stirring under the blue surface. Alfie lets out a long exhale.

Breathe, for fucks sake, he needs to breathe-

“And you- you know where you are? You remember-“ Then he can’t get any more words out, because he’s all out of air and his throat is too tight.

Tommy lets out a weak hum, squeezing his hand a little harder, the thumb rubbing a tiny circle on the back of his hand.

Alfie presses his lips against the knuckles. Holds the palm of Tommy’s hand against his cheek to feel the soft skin. The warmth. Feel that Tommy alive. That he’s here, finally here…

There really shouldn’t be any fucking tears left at this point, but when Tommy smiles at him again, they well his eyes nevertheless. This time, Tommy’s thumb is there to gently wipe them away as they trail down his cheek.

And just like that, Alfie remembers how a real smile is supposed to feel.

…

Charlie is absolutely ecstatic when Alfie tells him they’re going to the hospital. He tries to prepare him first; tells him about the metal, that Tommy looks a little different right now because he hasn’t eaten in a long while, worried that Charlie will start crying at the mere sight. Charlie seems unconcerned with all of that, practically jumping next to him as they walk through the corridor, his drawing clutched in his hand together with a bunch of forget-me-nots. They had to roam half the county to find those, in the early spring weather, but Charlie’s smile when they found them made it well worth the trouble.

“And we’ve got to be real quiet, like when you play hide and seek,” Alfie tells him. “Whisper, you know?”

Charlie nods solemnly and clutches his drawing a little tighter to his chest when Alfie opens the door to Tommy’s room. It’s a relief to see that Tommy is not only awake, but turns his eyes towards the doorway the moment they come inside.

“Look who’s here to see you,” Alfie says quietly and gently ushers Charlie into the room.

When his eyes settle on Charlie, a sad shadow crosses Tommy’s face and Alfie’s heart twists with worry.

But the moment Charlie sees Tommy, his entire face lights up.

“Papa!” He beams and reaches for him, completely unconcerned with how pale and gaunt his father’s face looks. Doesn’t even seem to notice the metal cage.

The sadness fades. Tommy smiles, a little wider than last time, and something bright and happy glints in his eyes. God, Alfie could just start fucking bawling again…

He carefully sits Charlie down at the edge of the bed, making sure he stays far away from Tommy’s head. Charlie places the drawing on Tommy’s stomach and holds out the flowers.

“I picked these for you,” he says quietly, glancing at Alfie in need of reassurance. Alfie nods encouragingly. Charlie looks back to Tommy. “Do you like them?”

Tommy’s hand twitches a little, and Alfie picks it up and places it in Charlie’s lap, so he can squeeze his knee gently. Charlie seems to take the accompanying blink as a ‘yes’ because he grins toothily. Then he shows him the drawing, pointing at and explaining the different things depicted. It’s the three of them out in a meadow with Cyril and an arguably excessive amount of horses.

A nurse brings a small vase to put the flowers in, and they get a prime position in front of all the others. There’s a whole collection. A bouquet from Polly, one from Finn and Isaiah –just like Finn, to be the only one out of the Shelby brothers with the sense to buy flowers. But apparently both Linda and Esme have taken the reins and bought some as well.

Alfie’s got a distinct feeling Tommy will disapprove of all the plant life once he’s able to properly turn his head. Not Charlie’s flowers of course. But all the others. Not like I could see them anyway? He honestly can’t wait to hear it.

They stay until late in the afternoon, when a nurse comes in and warily tells them Tommy needs to rest now. It’s not good for his head, too many impressions in one day. Her eyes dart around the room, looking at anything but Alfie. And Alfie has perhaps not been the most… pleasant of people to be around, so admittedly it’s not entirely unwarranted.

Tommy can’t quite quirk his eyebrow, but the look he gives Alfie is very much one of those ‘do as you’re told’ looks. So Alfie presses a kiss against the back of his hand, Charlie gives him a hug, and for the first time his heart feels light when he leaves the hospital.

When he’s gathering up Charlie’s crayons from the living room floor later that night, he finds another drawing. It’s a bed, surrounded by colourful splotches. There’s a figure in the bed, with bright blue eyes. Next to it is that bearded figured he’s learned to recognize as himself, and then a small one on the bed.

They’re all smiling in this one.

…

One afternoon when Alfie comes into the room with Charlie in his arms and yet another drawing in his hand, Tommy is sitting up in the bed. Leaned against several pillows, but still. All the metal is gone, and Alfie might be imagining it, but he thinks some colour has even returned to his cheeks.

“Papa!” Charlie squeals and splays his arms in an enthusiastic gesture. The tone causes Tommy to wince, but he quickly straightens his features into a smile. Alfie gently hushes Charlie, who presses a finger against his lips and whispers an almost inaudible ‘sorry’.

Then, Tommy lifts his hand a little, reaching out for him. “Charlie.”

The shock of hearing his voice has Alfie stopping in his tracks, unable to break out of his stupor until Charlie tugs a little at his beard. “Hug?”

Alfie settles Charlie right next to him on the bed and very carefully, Charlie wraps his arms around Tommy’s chest. It takes a moment before Tommy gets his arms to cooperate, but then he manages to hug him back. Charlie curls up on his lap, burying his face against his chest with a pleased little sigh.

Alfie watches the scene with eyes that have suddenly gone blurry and what he suspects is a quite soppy grin on his face.

When Tommy looks at him and smiles, he has to rub his eyes to clear them. Fuck, this is an absolutely exhausting experience. He’s squeezed in a lifetime’s worth of tears in a few fucking days…

“Don’t be sad,” Charlie says, eyes growing large with concern.

“Oh, I’m not sad, love. Not at all.” Alfie comes to stand next to the bed, reaching out to gently stroke Tommy’s hair. Tommy leans into the touch. “I’m just really happy.”

“I’m also happy,” Charlie declares. “I’m happy all the time now.”

Then, he wants to show Tommy his latest drawing. This one is full of mostly flowers, and trees with bright green leaves. Since Tommy can’t see them for himself, he explains wisely. He points to each and every thing in the drawing. Tommy hums and nods. He still slips away a little every now and then, unable to focus for too long. But he always comes back.

Once he’s finished showing the artwork, Charlie buries his face in the white hospital gown and promptly falls asleep on Tommy’s lap.

Tommy gently runs his thumb over his back.

“Probably knackered, poor thing,” Alfie explains. “He was so excited to see you that I could barely put him to sleep last night. Worse than before his birthday even.”

The twinkle in Tommy’s eyes makes his heart swell.

Tommy pats the spot next to him on the bed, and Alfie is happy to oblige, seating himself right next to him on the mattress and leaning back against the pillows with a sigh. He allows himself to close his eyes for just a moment, listening to Tommy breathing. Takes his hand and runs his thumb over the knuckles.

“Alfie-“

The sound of his own name has never been more beautiful. He hums and opens one eye. Tommy has furrowed his brow in concentration

“When…” Tommy pauses. Tries again. But the words won’t come out and he can see the frustration in his eyes. “Wh- en-“

“It’s okay, love. Take your time,” Alfie whispers against his temple, pressing a soft kiss there. “It’ll get easier.”

Tommy sinks back a little against the pillows, shoulders sagging and eyes slipping closed for a moment as he tries to gather himself. Then he looks up at Alfie again.

“Home.”

“Yeah, you’ll get to come home soon, sweetheart,” Alfie promises. “Bet our bed’s just as good as this one. Better, probably. I’ll have a word with the doctor. See if there’re any strings I can pull.”

Tommy shifts slightly, very carefully leaning his head against Alfie’s shoulder. Just as carefully, Alfie stretches an arm behind his neck, pulling him close.

“Now, this is how it’s supposed to be, innit?” he mutters into his hair. “Yeah, not the cracked skull perhaps. But the rest of it. You, me and a surprisingly uncomfortable bed. How you’ve managed to stay asleep for so long in this is a fucking-“

A confused wrinkle has appeared between Tommy’s eyebrows and Alfie cuts the little ramble short. “Sorry, love, not important. I’m just talking shit, as usual.”

Tommy’s forehead smooths out a little, but he still doesn’t seem to have caught up completely. Too fast. Too many words at once. Alfie needs to keep that in mind.

Luckily, there are plenty of activities that don’t require words.

So for now, he just leans down and kisses him.

And Tommy kisses him back.

#alfie x tommy #Alfie/Tommy #Tommy Shelby #Alfie Solomons #charlie shelby-solomons #cyril the dog #the whole shelby family #to live a life #wtma au

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dyingtoseehowthisonends · 6 years

Text

My Rep Room Story (Meeting Taylor Swift)

ITS FINALLY HERE! YES THIS IS REAL HAHA.

I also filmed a video and in that you can see what Taylor did and the way she sounded more than just me describing it so you can find that here. The video is more general and this has literally every detail that happened haha. (xx)

I bolded the part where I meet Taylor and Chicago night two. So if you don’t want to read the details and don’t want to watch the video, skip to the bolded parts.

This is really really really really long so be prepared.

So I woke up on Friday at 7:00am which is so unusual for me because I like staying up and sleeping in but I was just so excited for the show. I only got maybe 5-6ish hours of sleep. I stayed on my phone for maybe an hour and started getting ready by 8:00-8:30am. I first curled my hair and then ate something and did my makeup. I also fixed my nails. I had done them the night before but it was sparkly gold polish and I put these little star glitters on them that weren’t necessarily meant for your nails haha so some fell off by that morning so I just replaced them. I also ordered gold star tattoos from amazon to make a 13 on my hand (you can see it in my picture with Taylor). That was the last thing I did before Adia and her mom came and picked me up at around 3:30-3:40pm. Honestly it felt like it took us a while to get there but when I look at the time stamp on my pictures we were already in line to take pictures with the throne by 4:40pm. When we got to Solider Field we parked and the two people who parked next to us recognized Adia from Twitter which was crazy! We took pictures with them and stayed in the parking lot for a little bit just getting everything together and ready (Adia and I had two posters and her mom had 1 so we had a lot to carry with us). While this was happening a security person asked if she could take a photo of us because she loved everything we had on! We also asked if she could get one on Adia’s phone which she tweeted and TN later retweeted once we were in the stadium around 6:00pm. So we walk to gate 0 and that’s where the getaway shop was and surprisingly there was no line whatsoever. The workers actually looked bored. I just wanted to get a rep Chicago patch to take pictures with inside the stadium so that’s exactly what I got. I planned on getting everything else I wanted after the show online because you get a 20% off discount code in an email and it takes it off each individual item. Also if you buy more than $50 you get free shipping and I knew I’d be paying more than that so I ended up using that and getting the tour book, the poster, the flag, and the black long sleeve shirt with the cut outs on the arms. Anyways, so at the getaway shop we met up with David and Jords who I only met a little bit before that week from a groupchat on twitter but Adia had been friends with them for a while now and so they saw us and ran and hugged adia first of course and slightly cracked the top of her icee poster but it’s okay because it was out of pure joy and love and it still looked fine lol. Kaitlyn also came up to us and everything and we talked and then David and Jords were like, “we need to go check out the line,” and we were so confused and reluctant but let them go of course. And I thought about how Taylor liked David’s post on tumblr that week and I thought “I think he’s getting pre show right now” so we then got in line for the throne which wasn’t too long but we still had to wait but so many of our friends were in line or people from twitter so it was fun and David and Jords came back and they had the pre-show m&g paper with them and we all started freaking out saying we knew it and we were so happy for them and congratulating them. It was amazing. So then we met Darcy and Rafael and my friend Chloe and so many others and we took so many pictures and we finally got some with the throne as well and then we went to wait in line to get in because at that point it was almost 5:00pm, the time the gates opened. While we were waiting Last Kiss started playing and we were singing along to it and ow my heart. So we finally get in which was around 5:30pm and we went straight to the field and as soon as we walk in and I saw how big the stage was I literally started crying. Guys the stages are so big and I really didn’t expect it and our seats turned out to be so close and the closer we walked towards the stage the more emotional I got because I had never been that close and our seats were so good. If you’re wondering, we were in the section on the side of the stage behind the side pit. It was on the same side as club Meredith and we could see it and the people in it from our seats. We were in the last row so we had so much room to dance and it was where everyone from backstage walked from. I highly recommend these seats for anyone especially if you want to dance all crazy and what not. We actually didn’t go straight away to our seats. We took a lot of pictures and we also met a bunch of people so we were just walking around at this point. HERE’S WHERE THE ORDER GETS FUZZY. I swear everything happened I’m just not 1000% sure in what order after this point. We did eventually check our seats but it was just for a bit and I think we started walking around again and we met more people. This was around the time when Taylor Nation retweeted that picture of us from the parking lot that said WE ARE HERE. We started freaking out and going through the rest of their retweets and noticed the girls dancing a few rows ahead of us had been retweeted too! So we went over there and told them and they knew but we all talked and took a picture and they actually flew from Texas. They were really nice. After a bit more of walking around we went back to our seats and stayed there pretty much the rest of the night. So like I said I don’t remember the order this happened but it all happened before/during the opening acts. We saw papa swift thousands of times. They first time was when we first walked in and he was on his Segway. We think we scared him off because we kind of screamed and he turns around and goes backstage again haha. The next time, I think he came out to take a picture with some girls who had been waiting there for a long time and Adia actually took the picture and I was standing next to her and he had to go (so no pics with him for us) but he gave the girl in the picture like 800 picks to pass around to everyone who basically crowded the area. I saved two picks for myself and gave the extra ones to those who didn’t get any. Throughout the rest of the night he kept going from backstage to club Meredith a lot so one time he waved at us, another time he high fived us, and other times he just smiled. We also met Paul and Adia got to tell him that she first saw him and Taylor perform together 8 years ago and we both got a picture with him. He was super nice and took his time with all the fans. We also ended up seeing Melanie and we said hi and waved at her. We also saw Tree! The first time she just walked past us and smiled because she was on the phone but then she went backstage and she saw Adia’s icee costume and pointed and said “I love that.” We kind of freaked out because she wasn’t stopping to talk to anyone. I also spotted Martha Hunt and Ashley but I wasn’t 100% sure if it was her and I wanted to say hi but they were kind of far and not looking around them so I just left it alone. The last person we met who walked past this area was Andrea! It was during Bad Reputation right before Taylor came out. I was filming myself to get my reaction before Taylor came on so I had my camera out already and we went up to her and Adia gave her the no it’s Debbie shirt and she laughed and it was so adorable so that’s the video I got that I posted. I then took a picture of her and Adia with the shirt and it was taking a long time cause my phone kind of froze and I showed them and I thought no she won’t have time to stop and get a picture with me but she actually came up to me after and asked if I wanted one and I said yes and she was so patient and nice to every fan and I just love her a lot okay? By the time we met Andrea it was already 8:55pmish. During the opening acts we waved the go go go signs around a lot and Charlie actually pointed or waved at us and the entire time we were dancing and standing and talking to people who were coming up to us. I didn’t sit down in my seat the entire night. So then Taylor comes on around 9:05ish and we all lose our shit of course. And during I did something bad Taylor pointed at us and broke character a little and we freaked out. Everyone was saying how they could see our signs the whole night so I have hope Taylor saw it more times as well and it made me happy people could see them cause that was our intention and we were scared that without lights no one would notice. But the rest of the night we just danced like crazy and it was perfect because like I said before our seats gave us the room to do so. I cried like an actual baby during DWOHT because it’s my favorite song and really meant a lot that I was hearing live for the first time. Oh I almost threw up during Shake It Off because I was dancing so much no joke. She played Our Song as the surprise song and it was so much fun and I really wanted her to play it sometime this tour so I was really happy I was there to hear it. Omg I also did the 1 2 3 lets go bitch thing during delicate BUT I MESSED IT UP AND WAS TOO EXCITED AND DID IT TOO EARLY WHY AM I LIKE THIS. It’s okay because I did it right the second night haha.

Getting Rep Room

Okay so then Taylor is walking through the crowd or about to play the second b-stage and we couldn’t see any of that from our seats so we were kind of waiting for what’s next and Jords runs over and whispers something to Adia and I knew I needed to be ready for something and then Adia and I start running, following him. I thought for a second he was taking us to the b-stage but he was also saying stuff like “You’re going to meet Taylor tonight” to us earlier and we were like no stop we can’t get our hopes up but I was like maybe it’s going to happen now. So he takes us to Andrea who was like behind club Meredith and he puts his hands on Adia’s shoulders and says something along the lines of this girl deserves to get rep room or meet Taylor. I couldn’t hear it very well so I don’t entirely remember what he said. And So Mama swift asks Adia how long she’s been a fan but Taylor’s singing blank space and so I go and record myself singing my url and I danced a little with Jords and David then I heard Adia call my name and she said go get my mom and so I ran and didn’t even stop to tell her anything I just made a hand gesture saying come here and she saw and she was like oh no but what about the bags but she came anyways and I started running but stopped to look back and make sure she was coming and knows where to go. We get back there and mama swift is talking to someone else and Adia’s mom goes and talks to Adia and I do the blank space loop with Jords and David again haha and then I saw mama swift was talking to Adia again and went over and she said to Adia’s mom, “you’re her mom? You look like you could be her sister” and I died because mama swift just said that to my friends mom and it’s true. And then she asks again how long Adia’s been a fan and Adia says 12 years and then she says some stuff and adia replies but I couldn’t hear it but then she goes have you ever met Taylor? And we go no and she asks again you’re never ever met Taylor and we go no never and I don’t remember what she said but something along the lines of well you are tonight or give them the wristbands you are now or something like that haha. So then the girl from Taylor Nation puts the wristbands on all of us and I ask if I could give her a hug and she says yes which I was really happy about and so I did and after that oh man we were just freaking out and everyone was hugging us and congratulating us and we didn’t go back to our seats right away and Taylor had finished dress and was leaving the b-stage but apparently there was something wrong with the snake skeleton that night and so she had to walk through the crowd to get back to the main stage and once I realized what was going on I jumped to the side and held my hand out and Taylor touched it and I lost it again because she just touched my hand and I was meeting her after the show. So we don’t remember anything about don’t blame me or bad blood and should’ve said no and when she started playing long live and new year’s day we were absolute messes and I think I kept saying stuff like I get to meet her after this I get to actually meet her. So the rest of the show was crazy and we sang go go go so loud and shook the signs a lot but taylor was on the opposite side of the stage but anyways I cried a lot and when the show ended we immediately found stairs to go to the 100 level to find the section we needed to be in for rep room. We were basically on the opposite side of the stadium so we were running and pushing through the crowd to get there. Once we did there was almost everyone there already and I noticed that a lot of the girls we were talking to earlier in the show were picked too which was amazing! A lot of people told me later that they walked past us and were really happy to see that we got rep room but the first person to come up to us was Kaitlyn! She asks “why are you standing here” and Adia answers “because we’re meeting Taylor!” and she gives out the loudest yell and hugs us and was so supportive and I love her haha. Then they had us sit down at the top of the section on our slip of paper. This guy came over and said “if you don’t have a wrist band or an orange slip you should leave now you are wasting your time.” Then we had to basically show them our wristbands and they would move us to sit down further in the section with our groups. I think they wanted to see who was with who and obviously confirm if we have the wristband. I think this is when these girls in the row in front of us asked the girls next to us if they could join their group because they weren’t chosen and the girls were like no we don’t want to get in trouble which I fully supported and the girls gave them a dirty look and later left. We end up getting moved down of course and then someone from Taylor Nation passes an iPad around and you put in your email, zip code, name, and phone number. After its almost gotten to everyone the girl from Taylor nation who put the wristbands on us started telling everyone the rules. I knew them already because I have a lot of friends who were chosen at other shows and I love reading stories about people who have met Tay so I just sort of knew haha. But at one part she was trying to emphasis how each group can only get one photo and she points to 4 of us because there was a girl on the end next to us who we had made like mini friends with who sat with us and we said no its just us 3 and she goes oh yes I remember you 3 and smiles and then right away goes back to like strict I’m-being-all-serious-while-telling-you-these-rules mood and was like 1 picture and goes on. So after that she goes up to the top and repeats it to those who couldn’t hear and we were fixing our makeup and stuff and I was on Twitter and Julia was DMing me advice which I appreciated so much. She’s so kind. And all I did was wipe off my smudged eyeliner and mascara because I didn’t want to have raccoon eyes in my pic lol but I didn’t try to reapply anything because in that moment I was the happiest I’ve ever been and I wanted that to show in my picture with Tay.

Inside Rep Room

So then they start taking us to the rep room and we go down to the floor and I don’t remember where through the stadium we went because we were discussing what we wanted our pose to be and all agreed on one. It was a super short walk and when we got there, there was a table where we had to put all of our stuff on besides a phone or camera. So all I had with me in the rep room was my phone. Then we started going in. It was 11:37pm at this point. I immediately started taking as many pictures as possible because I knew this was a once and a lifetime opportunity and never wanted to forget any of it but we walk in get a picture on the couch in the middle with the two snakes wrapping around the pole with the lights. Then we went and got something to drink. There was room temperature water, cold water, coke, diet coke, sprite, and I thought I saw a Gatorade or some fruit juice as well but I could be wrong. I was still taking tons of pictures and Adia and her mom got in line for the original LWYMMD snake throne. I was taking all of the pictures because my phone camera had the best quality. There was pizza and cookies (but like normal cookies not the rep decorated ones) and I used to always say if I got picked for loft or whatever I’d totally eat pizza and what not, but guys I couldn’t eat anything. I found out this weekend that when I’m in shock I can’t eat. Adia’s mom stays in line while Adia and I go back out to take pictures in front of the entrance and of the costumes which were the delicate dress, rainbow dress, the fuzzy black rep one piece from LWYMMD, and the red dress from LWYMMD. I got a really good picture of them so I was really happy. And guys like if we haven’t gone and taken pictures of other things during that time we wouldn’t have been able to because we weren’t in there for that long before Taylor came and started meeting everyone. I checked and we had 10 minutes to do all of that. So we got our pictures with the throne finally and we got Polaroid’s of them too. And then I sat down on one of the couches. There was 3 of them not including the circular one in the middle. And it was like next to the curtained area where Taylor would be and where we’d meet her but I didn’t realize that and I was all the way on the other end of the couch. I just sat down and honestly in my brain I was thinking back to when Taylor posted those Instagram videos of the rep room and I couldn’t believe we were actually in it and that it was all real. A little while after that someone from Taylor Nation said okay guys no phones, put them away and so we did. But guys I was in so much shock I put my phone down for a bit and LITERALLY FORGOT I wasn’t supposed to have it out anymore and took some more selfies. That was at like 11:58pm. I was just in this mode to be as productive as possible to not forget anything but then I stopped and put my phone down and realized omg I wasn’t supposed to do that and was so thankful no one saw or at least didn’t say anything lol. I genuinely didn’t mean to do it. So before I go on I need to explain the state I was in. I was in so much shock that I couldn’t process anything in the moment and I couldn’t really plan a reaction or think through a reaction. So everything I was doing at this point was like my first instinct and what my brain told me to do right away. I had like hoped for this moment and daydreamed about it for so long that I knew I should say everything I can and be present in the conversations. So that’s how I was feeling and reacting and not processing anything. Maybe a minute later, a girl from Taylor Nation says okay guys and a moment pasts and I remember seeing someone hold the curtain and it was Taylor but there was like a moment before she opened it but was still holding onto it and then when she did she does like a dramatic open of it and this cute little jump or lean and goes, “Hey guys!” with a big smile on her face and people claps and stuff but like I was in so much shock I didn’t react at all. Oh and keep in mind I was sitting down for this part okay. Then she goes on and says, “My mom tells me we have a really good group here tonight” and she moves on and introduces Martha and Ashley. “This is Martha Hunt she was in the Bad Blood music video and this is Ashley,” and when she’s introducing Ashely she like messes up her hair in the cutest way cause Ashley is a lot shorter than her and says “we’ve been friends for a really really long time,” and is looking at her and sort of laughing as if they have some inside joke and it was so cute. And she continues and I don’t remember who did it but they pull all of the curtains back and show us these people and Taylor says, “and like my whole family is here, uncles, aunts, cousins, everyone came and so I’ll unleash them to you guys and..” said something about seeing us later or inside the curtained area. And guys remember how I was sitting down I was somehow standing by that point. I don’t remember standing up at all and when I was watching her, she still didn’t seem real like the best way I could describe her, because she’s literally so perfect looking and flawless in real life, is a moving wax figure like no joke so I was in so much shock in that moment. But then right away Taylor Nation calls out FIRST GROUP and we were close to the curtain but not right in front of it. So Martha was like directly in front of me and I wanted to say something and this was just the first thing that popped into my mind, “Oh we saw you guys earlier I wanted to say hi but you were kind of far so I just left it” and she goes “oh was it at the beginning of the show or the end” and I like couldn’t think in the moment so I was like “ummmm I’m pretty sure it was in the beginning” and I don’t know where Adia was at that moment but Adia’s mom was next to me and Martha goes “oh you’re the one who dressed as champagne” and Adia’s mom goes “yeah!” and says something else and Martha goes “oh we were talking about you backstage” and Adia’s mom goes “really?” And my mouth dropped because I don’t know why it never occurred to me that they didn’t talk about fans backstage until this moment haha. And Martha goes “yeah we were like someone dressed up as champagne” and I think she got cut off or something happened where mama swift comes up to us and Martha moves on so no I didn’t get a picture with her but she was awesome and so willing to talk to us like you could tell she liked meeting everyone in the room. But anyways Mama Swift comes up to us and there’s a coffee table next to the couch we were just sitting at and she’s trying to get to us and she goes, “I need to move this, let’s move this, I need to be closer to you” which number one QUEEN for just moving the coffee table and number two she wanted to be close to us and ow my heart hurts I literally love Andrea so much. So then Adia’s mom says something like “Thank you for your daughter..” and I don’t remember what else but I added “she’s done so much for us” and I put my hands on my chest and Andrea goes “Well to be fair, Taylor made it easy for me” and I died again cause like Taylor really is self-made. She really does pride herself in holding herself accountable for what she does and her character and that’s something I’ve loved so much about her for so long. I still don’t know where Adia is right now but Andrea asks if we want a picture and Adia shows up lol and we were like yeah and someone from Taylor Nation was there already with a polaroid camera and took it but something was like wrong with it so Andrea was like here take it on her phone and so I hand her my phone and we got it on there too cause our polaroid did end up coming up haha so yeah. But right after that Taylor Nation calls out NEXT GROUP and mama swift goes you’re next and sort of pushes us into the gates of heaven haha jk but seriously. And apparently mama swift asks Adia if she wants a selfie right before going in and she does but I had hugged Taylor already at this point so I don’t remember that but Adia has the selfie so yeah that happened too.

Meeting Taylor

And yeah so Adia’s mom walks in first, then I do, and then Adia went in last and she hugged each of us. I need to stress this again, especially the moments when we met Taylor, I really don’t remember the order that well but I’m going to try and say it in the order I think it happened in. So Adia brought her icee sign in to show Taylor of course and Taylor looks at it and does this cute like “ohhhhh” sounding thing. Watch my video you’ll totally get it. linked at the bottom of this. And she goes something like “that’s great” and then adia takes it off cause she didn’t want it in the picture right and Taylor says something like “oh is this a 1989 look we have going on here” and Adia goes “yeah and you know the top is from my prom dress” and Taylor says something which leads to her saying “you cut your prom dress?!” all innocent and cute and me and Adia kind of hesitant for a second cause we don’t want to tell Taylor she’s wrong haha and it was like a delayed reaction right and we go “no it’s a two piece, it’s a crop top” like hello Taylor you’re the queen of crop tops you should know this haha. And she goes “oh oh okay” and then I tell her that my prom dress was wall sparkly gold and that I used this eyeshadow called snakebite and she goes “Wow you’re so detail orientated” I’m DEAD at this point and then I think Adia says “oh by the way thanks for planning all of this on the weekend of my graduation” and we all kind of go “yeah she graduates on Sunday” and Taylor goes “well we did that on purpose, people tell me I’m very calculated about these things” AND I FREAK OUT CAUSE YES BITCH YOU ARE and I think I laughed my reactions were so dumb to be honest. Like a lot of it was just me reacting to stuff in my head how I would online or something but my face probably looked surprised or stupid haha. And then I think Adia’s mom mentioned songwriting and then Adia said something about it and then I segwayed into the song I wrote for taylor and said, “I wrote a song for/about you” and I stop to say “I don’t write them to be anything I just write them for myself” and the look on her face you guys she looked so appreciative of that and was like “that’s amazing” and I go on and say “yeah I wrote one for you. it’s on my tumblr and I say dyingtoseehowthisonends and they share the e” BUT I FORGOT TO SAY WHICH WORDS SHARE THE E AND SHE LOOKED CONFUSED AND OMG I WAS A MESS and I continue like “oh if you ever want to check it out it would mean a lot to me and she says thank you in like the cutest tone and wow I never thought I’d live to see a day where Taylor Swift thanked me for writing a song about her like what???? But yeah I don’t think she’s seen it lol so if y’all want you should reblog it for me but anyways. Then I think Adia’s mom goes and says something like “oh my son got a grand slam tonight” and Taylor says “wow everything is happening for you guys isn’t it” and she goes and high fives all of us and I swear guys I thought she was only going to high five Adia’s mom but when she came to me and I realized it was happening I like just shot my hand up really quick I didn’t even have time to clap back haha. So yeah Taylor Swift high fived me moving on… then Adia and her mom asked about the cats! And Taylor goes “oh you know their really fluffy (or fuzzy I don’t remember which one she said)” and I go “that’s important” cause I’m lame and my brain was like REACT. Adia’s mom also says “this one,” she points at Adia, “got me into to you by listening to Breathe. I thought it was going to be some high school musical stuff...” and Taylor goes “Well it very high school and VERY musical” and I die and say something dumb like “no but we love it!” which why would I say that I don’t know but I did haha. And I don’t remember how we got into it but I go “Taylor” to like get her attention because I was going to tell her about how much DWOHT and CIWYW mean to mean and I don’t know why I did this but I put both my hands out facing down and she starts FREAKING PLAYING WITH THEM LIKE CLAPPING THEM LIKE A PATTY CAKE SORT OF THING AND I DIED INSIDE CAUSE THAT WAS THE CUTEST THING EVER. And I like look at our hands and I’m like omg what is she doing I was in so much shock at literally everything she did. And I have this moment where I almost forgot what I was going to say but my brain was like NO YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER THIS THIS IS THE ONLY CHANCE YOU GET DON’T BLOW IT and so I remembered and I said “I love DWOHT so much” and she goes “well I’m glad I sang it tonight” with a cute little laugh and I don’t even know how I reacted I was just focused on what I was trying to tell her and I continue on “I love it so much and it helped me get through a lot this past year” and that’s the only time I looked away from her was when I said a lot cause I was trying not to cry and to emphasis it and I keep going, “and CIWTW” and I like show her my dress and like hold it out to be like see this is the reason for my dress and say “gives me so much hope that I can be happy like you one day” and She fucking starts giving me advice and like this whole tour speech okay it was like a clean speech no joke and she goes “you know we’ll never feel one emotion all the time, there’s still days when I wake up and go ugh everybody hates me” and Adia’s mom points at Adia and says “omg that’s her” and Taylor like looks at both of them and nods her head like yeah I totally relate to that and she looks back at me, and y’all she’s looking right at me meaning every single word that’s coming out of her mouth and at this point she grabbed my hands and is holding them and goes, “but you can be fulfilled. Like right now I’m fulfilled with my life” AND Y’ALL SHE REALLY IS DOING BETTER THAN SHE EVER WAS. And this means so much to me now and after it all happened I just kept thinking about this and thinking about how fulfilled I was that night and it literally changed my view of life I can’t believe this. Also I’ve decided I’m getting the little heart she makes on her signature as a tattoo with the word fulfilled on my wrist bye. I think I said something like “thank you” after that even though it doesn’t make sense to but I did and I’m pretty sure then she goes “okay let’s get a picture?” and guys I didn’t realized it cause I was so focused on Taylor and trying to remember everything about her and memorize what her face looked like and everything that I never acknowledged Taylor Nation in the background this whole time going “let’s get a picture” and Adia’s mom said they really only asked twice so hopefully I didn’t seem rude lol. But yeah we go to pose and somehow Taylor just did the pose we wanted. We really didn’t need to tell her and I asked if I could hold her hand and she said sure and she grabs my right hand and she warns us like “guys the flash is really bright be prepared” and I was really thankful she did cause otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to prepare and make sure I kept my eyes open haha cause I have really small eyes that are sensitive to light so I’ve taken some bad pictures with flash and I wanted my picture with Taylor to be perfect and OMG GUYS SHE THEN LEANS HER HEAD ON MINE (which is all I ever wanted and I would legitimately get anxiety thinking about if taylor didn’t lean her head on mine in our picture together like what I would do) BUT SHE DOES and her hair falls in my face and I have this mini panic moment cause I was like no her hair can’t be in my face for the picture haha and so I like gently move it with my face lol and they took it and right after she hugs Adia like a hug goodbye and I was kind of behind her cause of how we posed and the face she made when she hugged Adia was so precious and guys her face was literally inches from mine and I just starred at her and she had this really pretty gold eyeshadow on and I just starred and if she had opened her eyes in that moment she would probably think I was really creepy haha. But then they pull apart and Taylor Nation said we need to get another one and Taylor says “oh guys it was probably me, I probably blinked it wasn’t you” and I was like NO TAYLOR YOU’RE FLAWLESS STOP IT in my head right. So we go to pose again but this time it was a lot faster and all I remembered about taking this second picture is she was holding my other hand that actually had my 13 on it (so I’m like really glad we got to take another one) but it was fast so she wasn’t holding my whole hand she was like grabbing it with her two fingers and guys it meant a lot that she even did that. She knew I wanted to hold her hand and she made sure to do so in some way and that meant a lot to me. I think my other hand was on her shoulder and hers was on mine but I don’t remember I can only guess based on my picture. But yeah so then we’re leaving and I was the last one out and I’m like stepping out the door and I look back and I didn’t think she was going to say anything else and she goes, omg I cry every time I think about this, she goes, “You’re so beautiful” in the most genuine and sincerest tone I’ve ever heard in my life and she’s like nodding her head and I don’t think I even said anything back because I wasn’t expecting that and just kept walking but omg. Adia and her mom didn’t even hear it cause they were already out of the room and it was like this little moment we shared together and wow I seriously was like I’ll never think I’m ugly ever again because Taylor Swift just called me beautiful, mind you I had glitter all over my face from holding the posters over my head all night and I completely cried off all my makeup and ugh omg I still can’t believe she said that to me. And I think either I was handed the autographed prints or Adia’s mom was but she handed them to me so she could give all of us our phones and the polaroid’s and what not cause when you’re in there someone from Taylor Nation takes it for you. And so then I distributed the autographs and they realized Adia left her polaroid from the throne in the rep room and they asked someone when the next person came through (which wasn’t that long after like we definitely had a good 5 minutes if not more with her cause there was no way we said all of that and took two pictures in less than 5 minutes I swear) and he said he would try and find it but later he just said he couldn’t even though Adia knew exactly where it was which we understood. He had a job he was doing and Taylor has to get out of the stadium at a certain time and it was good because we also took photos on my phone on of her on the throne so she could always print that out on a Polaroid. But anyways yeah when we got back out to where the table was with our stuff Scott was talking to a fan who had went before us and we went and grabbed our stuff and when I started picking up the posters and my bag that’s when it hit me that she called me beautiful and I just met Taylor Swift. I like didn’t want to cry in front of the security guards so I just like breathed rapidly a lot trying to keep my cool. This whole time I was in so much shock. And we asked how to go to the parking lot and it was like a real quick walk to the getaway shop which was on our way and we took a picture with it closed and kept going. So for a time frame this all happened in the spam of 15 minutes. When I look at the time stamps on my phone we took that picture with mama swift at 12:05am and we were at the getaway shop by 12:20am. It literally felt like an hour though I’m not kidding so even though we didn’t have that much time with Taylor it felt like we did and I’m so happy about that. But yeah so I’m thinking we had like 7 minutes with her and like maybe 8 to leave something like that. But anyways we drive to Adia’s Aunt’s house because it’s close to the city and the whole time and the whole night we were just in so much shock and we just kept talking about what happened and it helped me remember everything and Adia would say something and I would be like oh yeah she did this or said this! I also posted a picture of me with my rep room pass on tumblr and TAYLOR FUCKING LIKED IT AND I DIED I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW SHE WAS ON.This is also when I got locked out of my twitter account and I’m still waiting to get it back so there’s that as well. But yeah we stayed up till 4:00am because we just couldn’t sleep and kept talking about everything thing.

So that’s it for the night we met Taylor and technically we met her on June 2nd but I’ll still be staying June 1st because that’s the show we got picked for. I wanted to include what happened at night 2 or the Chicago rain show though cause like that happened right after and was equally amazing and had a direct influence from meeting Taylor.

Chicago night 2

I think I woke up at like 9:00am or 10:00am because I like couldn’t sleep I was so happy and excited about everything that happened. And then I stayed on my phone a lot and I still couldn’t eat anything and at one point I did eat a cookie but that was it and I drank a lot of water. PLEASE STAY HYDRATED IF YOU’RE GOING TO THE SHOWS I ALMOST THREW UP A COUPLE OF TIMES BECAUSE I WAS DANCING TO HARD AND NEEDED WATER AND A LITTLE BREAK. Anyways I went and talked to Adia’s aunt for a bit and thanked her for letting me stay over and what not and we just took our time getting ready and deciding what to do with our posters/what we wanted to wear cause we knew it was going to rain and so that’s why I decided to not wear my dress again cause its floor length and when I would walk up the stairs I would trip on it lol so I didn’t want to ruin it especially because I had met Taylor in it but also because I still wanted to wear it to my other shows (which are Louisville, Cleveland, and atlanta night 1 come say hi to me!). So I had brought leggings with me and a normal t-shirt and since Taylor was wearing her own merch when she met us which by the way WHAT A QUEEN FOR DOING THAT also saved me a lot of money lol I waited and bought the sweater she wore at the show and put that on at the stadium. We left probably around 3:30ish and we ended up getting our picture in the car on our way to the show and guys I didn’t even see it but I saw it was loading and I was already tearing up but I had done my makeup so I could take pictures and look decent in them so I would like fan myself every time I looked at it and thought about everything like I couldn’t look at it lol. It was like 4:00pm by the time we got the pic and so we got their around 4:45pmish cause the doors hadn’t opened yet to the stadium. But we got there a lot later the second day and at that time the getaway shop and line for the throne was a lot longer than the day before (I’m thinking its cause night 1 was a Friday and night 2 was a Saturday so it had to do with availability and traffic and what not). But we just go straight in line to get in and guys we met so many people and we gave Jords and David extra tight hugs for what they had done for us and wow I’ll never have enough words to express my gratitude for what they did for us. But yeah we met so many people waited in line with some and everyone was congratulating us and it was so nice and once we got in we saw Kaitlyn again and took pictures with her and talked about everything and then we went and got a picture at this polaroid booth thing and I don’t even have it and haven’t even seen it so there’s that haha. And then we went and got the sweater for me and GUYS I FIT INTO A MEDIUM it’s that oversized in case you were wondering. I normally wear a L or XL and sometimes if it runs small I’ll get an XXL but a MEDIUM fits perfectly and is still sort of oversized so yeah. And I put it on and was really happy and around 6:00pm we went to our seats and again walked around the stadium and people were coming up to us and were so happy for us and we found out like half of our friends met Taylor that morning at the at&t event and it was all so magical I was so happy and I couldn’t believe the amount of people who we had known from online who got to meet Taylor, so many people who we were rooting for and it was just so crazy. So then I finally eat a pretzel but I couldn’t eat the whole thing cause I thought how close we’d be to her when she was on the b-stage cause we had front row and I couldn’t stomach anything else haha. So we danced again to the opening acts and we actually met this guy who’s been a fan of Taylor’s since the Myspace days and he was pretty chill and he told us that he became a fan of hers because of her CMA performance in 2006 where she plays Tim McGaw to Tim and she plays the very last note in front of Tim and Faith and she holds out her hand and says Hi I’m Taylor and he said it was the most powerful thing he saw and that’s why he became a fan and WOW GUYS WOW IT REALLY IS POWERFUL GO WATCH IT IF YOU NEVER HAVE. I love her. Later that night he saw me like bawling my eyes out and was telling me “don’t ever change” and man the people I met night 2 were SO incredible and I’ll never forget them. And so yeah we talked to the people around us and then Taylor came on and we were dancing having the night of our life and during you belong with me I actually saw the triplets and Maggie get rep room which I was so excited and I KNEW would happen! then she came to the b-stage and sang 22 right in front of us and I’m pretty sure she made eye-contact with me but I don’t remember and my video is SO shaky but yeah we all lost our shit and EVERYONE WAS SO ROUGH GOODNESS SAKES. But then she went and played DWOHT and that’s my favorite song and I got to tell Taylor how much it meant to me the night before so I was a fucking mess and apparently the girls in front of me were laughing at me crying and Adia seriously goes “are you really laughing at her right now” YALL GET YOURSELF A FRIEND LIKE ADIA SHE UNDERSTOOD HOW MUCH THAT MEANT TO ME AND SHE STOOD UP FOR ME AND WOW I’M SO GRATEFUL FOR HER. And they go no no and continue listening and this guy next to me grabs my hand and starts singing with me and swaying while holding my hand and he holds it so tight for the song and afterwards he gives me a huge hug and says I hope everything is okay and if it’s not it will be and I can’t tell you how much that meant to me and you can have nasty Taylor fans but then you can find an Adia or a random guy who will hold your hand during your favorite song while you are absolutely sobbing and those are the ones who I remember and cherish most. But yeah when it ended and everyone run over to the second b-stage I said sorry guys to the girls in front of me and I was like that’s just my favorite song and you know I met her last night and they all went YOU MET HER and I was like yeah and I walked away. THE BEST REVENGE IS HAPPINESS. So then it was blank space and dress and it was officially 24 hours since we got chosen for rep room I was again a MESS. And the girls next to us now were so nice and dancing with us and saw how emotional I was and one was dancing with us and what not and she actually met her at Pasadena and the other one kept saying you’re making me cry and she was so sweet and I gave them both huge hugs and thanked them and we went back to our seats and then we actually got to experience bad blood should’ve said no and don’t blame me and YALL WE MISSED OUT ON A LOT HAHA. But then long live happened and I didn’t even notice it was raining till Taylor said it was and went straight into the song and I started sobbing and it was exactly what I needed. Like I NEEDED THAT RAIN SHOW YOU HAVE NO IDEA. And during New Year’s Day Adia looks over at me and says “we met Taylor at midnight” and I SOBBED y’all Taylor has our midnights. and then the show goes on and the rain is pouring and I get soaked and it was the best night of my life and after the show ended it literally stopped raining so we took pictures and what not and then when we went up to leave and it started pouring again and we were right in the section we had gotten rep room in the night before and saw the people who got picked and Maggie says my name and she says congrats on meeting Taylor and I say thank you and give her a hug and then I was like omg are you.. and she nods her head yes and I freaked out and hugged her so so many times so tight and gave as much advice as I could and I saw the triplets again and they said they remembered me and I said I saw it happen and that I was so happy for them and I was like to Maggie THREE YEARS AGO WE SAT IN FRONT AND BEHIND OF EACH OTHER AT THE 1989 TOUR AND NOW IN ONE WEEKEND WE BOTH MET TAYLOR. It was a crazy moment that I will never forget. And so then we left and that’s basically it. That’s the story of me meeting Taylor Swift.

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